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Steve would never not be grateful to Tony’s help in finding and clearing Bucky. He was also grateful in ways he couldn’t fully voice that Tony was able to help Bucky get much needed therapy. Bucky wasn’t the same person he had been before the war but Steve wasn’t either. However, every little bit of his charisma and wit from before that peaked through made Steve’s heart beat harder. In other ways, Bucky was more subdued than before; quieter. There was still a darkness that clung to the edges of him, usually in soft moments when he was left to his own thoughts. Steve did his best to pull his best friend out of those thoughts, distract him with the now and all the positive things in it. After one particularly stressful night when Bucky woke up from a nightmare, that included a shift in their relationship. When Bucky had been hyperventilating, Steve had kissed him, shocking him out of his panic and making him hold his breath. They didn’t necessarily talk about it but they’d become closer than ever before, touching each other almost constantly.
Most of the Avengers didn’t say anything but Steve had caught the odd looks Tony would send him, usually looking away upon getting caught. It made Steve feel slightly guilty. He and Tony had been dancing around a tension since the moment they met. That tension had become hotter, more sexual in the last year or so but neither of them snapped. And now Bucky was sitting right in the middle of it. There was still tension but it felt more strained now. Tony was pulling away from everyone but particularly from Steve. If Bucky and Steve came into the common area together, Tony would quickly make himself scarce. After he walked in on Bucky and Steve kissing in the kitchen, they didn’t see him for a week. Steve knew he should talk to Tony about it but talking hadn’t ever really been his strong suit. He could plan a battle, sure, but with emotional things he would much rather do than say. Bucky was the one who was good with words. Or at least, that used to be the case.
Steve had noticed that Bucky was also watching Tony. He couldn’t fathom what Bucky’s looks meant, having to relearn many of his mannerisms, but they seemed to mean something. At first, Steve assumed it was the tension between the Winter Soldier and the child of two of his victims. But as time went on, that didn’t seem to fit. It was several months into Bucky’s stay at the tower that he and Tony seemed to reach some sort of quiet understanding. Tony still didn’t hang around long if Bucky and Steve were together but he seemed to have a bit more of a fondness towards Bucky. The man may have changed from his many years of trauma, but he was still a charmer under it all. The first time Steve had come across Bucky and Tony bantering in the kitchen over morning coffee, Steve had felt hopeful. Until Tony had spotted Steve and immediately fled for his lab. Steve’s hurt must have been clear because Bucky wrestled Steve into a tight hug, kissing his temple, and reassuring him that it was nothing against him. But how could it not be? Tony clearly was fine with Bucky. The problem appeared to be Steve himself.
Not too long after that morning, Steve began to notice other little changes in Tony. He’d taken to wearing longer sleeved shirts at random, despite the weather being perfect for tank tops. He would move to lean against something only to flinch or wince and opt to stand instead. He still gave Bucky looks but they were different now, more intense. At the same time, Bucky seemed to be finding more independence. He started going to the gym on his own when Steve got stuck in Shield meetings. He would get up and leave their bed during the night after a nightmare instead of waking Steve up to help him. His visits to Tony’s lab to get his arm checked out also became longer. Steve began to worry that he was losing Bucky all over again. But it was worse this time because he was still right there. Steve couldn’t help but wonder if Bucky was sneaking around on him with Tony. And didn’t that just feel like a dagger to the heart?
Finally, after a month of suspicious behavior from the two of them and countless attempts to talk to Bucky brushed off with soft kisses and gentle smiles, Steve had had enough. The next night Steve woke up to the feeling of Bucky getting out of bed, he held still, keeping his breathing until he heard the soft click of their bedroom door closing. He waited until the count of ten for Bucky to get down the hallway before he rolled over, staring at the now closed door. Bucky swore he got up and went to the living room to watch quiet tv or to the gym to work out the energy of the stress from nightmares and flashbacks. If that was true, Steve was going to find him and offer his support. If that wasn’t the case, well… Steve wasn’t ready to think about that alternative just yet.
He slid out of bed, grabbing a shirt to pull on as he left the room. Steve usually slept naked or just in underwear since he ran so warm. Since he and Bucky had simply gone to sleep a few hours earlier, he still had boxers on but wanted a shirt in case he needed to go further than their private living room. He wasn’t surprised but he was slightly uncomfortable to find the living room and kitchen completely empty. When the bathroom and other spaces of their apartment were proven to be empty, Steve felt the tight coil in his gut pang.
“Hey, Jarvis?” Steve asked softly, knowing that the AI would hear him. Steve wasn’t sure why it felt wrong to be any louder when he’d confirmed that the apartment was empty but he still kept his volume low.
“Yes, Captain?” it responded immediately, matching Steve’s volume.
“Where did Bucky go?” he asked, already regretting the question. He desperately wanted to know but he was also terrified of the answer.
“Sargent Barnes has gone to Mr. Stark’s lab,” JARVIS answered.
“And is, uh, Tony there?” Steve asked, feeling that coil sink.
“He is. Would you like me to call them?” JARVIS asked.
“No,” Steve answered quickly. “No, I, uh… I’ll go see them myself. Please don’t tell them I’m coming.”
“As you wish, Captain.”
Was he really going to do this? Was he really going to follow his boyfriend who snuck out of bed to, what, catch him cheating with his other best friend? Then what? Was it better to not know? Or was Steve even ready to have that confrontation? He stood in the dark living room for several long minutes, turning the questions over in his mind. After who knows how long, he decided he’d rather not know and went back to bed. He didn’t managed to get anymore sleep so he felt the movement and subsequent warmth when Bucky returned to bed some time later. He felt Bucky’s flesh hand run across his shoulder but he kept his back turned, pretending to sleep on. He didn’t attempt to wake Steve with any kind of force but sighed when Steve made no acknowledgement of his touch. Bucky dropped a kiss on his hair and settle down to sleep, his nose pressed to the back of Steve’s neck and his right arm wrapped over his middle. Steve definitely wasn’t getting any more sleep.
He tried to ignore it after that. He was almost positive that Bucky and Tony were sneaking around behind his back. He tried not to be upset about it. After all, Steve and Bucky hadn’t technically even stated out loud that they were dating, let alone exclusively. He felt that it hadn’t really needed to be said but maybe it did. Maybe this really was Steve’s fault for not saying something. Did he want to break up any kind of happiness his friends found just because he didn’t bother to vocalize how he felt? Not really. Was he jealous of Tony and Bucky? Probably. But he wasn’t sure what he was most jealous of. Bucky’s affection being divided or receiving Tony’s affection at all? So he stomped down on those ugly emotions and went on like nothing changed. Until the mission that forced his hand.
The bots they were up against were ruthless, clearly equipped with tech from the Chitauri salvage. Tony had been furious, sure that they’d gotten all of that mess taken care of but clearly some slipped though the cracks. The team was getting beat up pretty badly but they were still so close to the master switch for the army. Seriously, what idiot put a master switch for the whole army in one bot? Regardless, Steve launched Natasha off his shield so Tony could more easily grab her once he locked on to which of the bots they needed to subdue. Tony had wanted to dismantle it himself but Steve reminded him he could tinker later after things were shut down and Natasha had the best skills for accomplishing that. How Tony could glare through the mask of his suit, Steve wasn’t sure but he still felt it on one of Tony’s flyby’s while they were strategizing.
Natasha was successfully delivered to the master switch and was just confirming it through coms when a laser blast took Tony out of the sky. Steve hadn’t even realized he’d screamed the other man’s name when he took off for the spot where Tony must have landed. Bucky was already there, having managed to catch most of Tony’s momentum when he fell. Unfortunately, the blast managed to take a chunk out of Tony’s shoulder. The bot must have been aiming for the repulsers on his back that helped him fly and missed slightly. Clearly, the blast caught a weak point in the armor because the left shoulder and upper back sections of the suit fell when Bucky shifted his arm. Natasha confirmed shut down and the bots around them all powered down. Over all, technically a success. But Steve was too worried about Tony at the moment to have cared much.
“Tony,” he muttered, dropping down next to Bucky. At first glance, Tony’s actual body underneath was unharmed though the man himself was groaning from the force of the impact. As Bucky helped him turn over however Steve glimpsed the ends of several bright red streaks on Tony’s skin around the edges of his tank top. “Wait! Tony, you’re hurt!”
“Nah, I’m fine,” Tony insisted, picking up the pieces of his armor as he shifted to take his own weight and look at Steve. “Really, it just took out the armor. I knew I needed to do a little maintenance work on this suit but that was a seriously lucky shot.”
“You knew?” Steve exclaimed, feeling himself gear up for a lecture. Clearly, Bucky knew it too because he dropped a hand on Steve’s shoulder. When Steve rounded on him, Bucky shook his head. As mad as he was about Tony endangering himself, again, he knew what Bucky was getting at. Not here. Not now. So he nodded so Bucky knew he understood.
Tony groaned again, lifting the visor on his helmet. “I know I’m not actually hurt but man does getting shot out of the sky suck.”
Steve was tempted to start his lecture up again, sucking on his teeth, but Bucky squeezed his shoulder, grounding his frustration and fear. So instead, Steve just said, “Let’s get back to the tower.”
To keep himself from mother-henning Tony, as he so rudely calls it, Steve leaves Tony to Bucky and jogs off to help Natasha out of the tangle she ended up in while disabling the bots. She only took his hand for the show of support it was a she slid off the back of the massive bot she’d been toying around in. She smiled in thanks and dryly commented, “Christmas came early for Tony. He’s going to have a grand time taking this thing apart.”
Steve smiled wryly at the joke but didn’t comment, walking her back to the quinjet.
Once everyone was loaded up, they headed back to the tower. Tony’s legion would take care of clean up and they all knew Fury was going to want a briefing on this mess sooner rather than later. Tony seemed to be the only injured one but he still swore up and down he wasn’t injured. He did shed the suit, leaving it to some machinery the quinjet had to take care of the pieces and slid into a black and grey henley. Steve still wanted to take a closer look at his shoulder but Bucky’s glare gave him pause. Bucky always had his best interests at heart and looked out for him, trying to keep him out of unnecessary fights and trouble. But this wasn’t that, right? Steve had a right to be concerned as team leader. So why was Bucky giving him that look to leave Tony be? A whole new set of suspicions began to swirl in Steve’s mind but he kept it to himself as they flew back to the tower.
Tony disappeared off to his lab, waving off the debriefing as Steve’s job. Steve was ready to argue but Bucky grabbed him around the back of his neck, squeezing reassuringly as he insisted, “Leave it. He’s fine.”
Steve blew out his breath and stared at Bucky critically. It was one thing if there was something going on between them, it was another if it was going to become a safety issue. But Steve figured it was best left to later and shrugged Bucky’s hand off—no matter how much he liked it there—and strode off to meet with Fury. It was a long and frustrating meeting that left Steve with the need to blow off steam in the gym. Since Tony made him specially reinforce punching bags, he didn’t go through them anywhere near as quickly as when he first woke up but if he was motivated enough, he could still do damage. And tonight, he was motivated.
Sure enough, he managed to break not only the primary bag (which he had been working on for a couple of months) but also the two back ups that he had on hand. Once the third bag went sailing into the far wall, he figured it was as good a time as any to wrap up his workout. Even with the serum, he’d found it was possible to injure himself going too hard. And when he was frustrated, he was much more likely to go too hard. He made a mental note to talk to Tony later about the punching bags and headed for the elevator. He was ready for a long, hot shower. If he was lucky, Bucky would be around and they could work out some energy in a much more enjoyable fashion.
Unfortunately, and to Steve’s surprise, their apartment was empty. For some reason, this pissed Steve off even more. It was only after he was in the shower with his hand wrapped around his cock, teeth gritted, that Steve realized he wasn’t angry so much as he was sad. He missed Bucky. It seemed silly to miss someone who was right there but he did. This realization killed his drive so he let go of himself and finished his shower, no longer enjoying the warm water or the beating of the specialized shower head on his tight shoulders. Right now, he just wanted Bucky there. The sheer loneliness gaped like a hole ripped in his chest and he found himself overwhelmed with feelings he didn’t even realize he’d had until a moment ago. The feeling was so intense that Steve dropped to the floor of the shower, burying his face in his knees before he’d fully understood what was happening. Where had this vulnerability come from? And how could he make it go away?
As if summoned by Steve’s anguish, Bucky’s voice called for Steve through the apartment. Steve’s heart jumped but he couldn’t find the energy to stand. It seemed as soon as he stopped moving, his body caught up with how hard he’d worked it between the battle and the gym. It was only a few minutes later that the bathroom door opened and Bucky gasped out, “Steve!”
The shower water was turned off and a large towel was draped over his shoulders. Steve knew all he wanted was Bucky and now he was here but he couldn’t help curling the ball he sat in tighter, trying to hid from how vulnerable he felt. Bucky seemed to understand as he muttered a soft, “Oh Stevie” before coaxing him out of the shower. Steve’s head hung low as he followed his boyfriend’s softly tugging hands into their bedroom. Bucky pushed him down onto the bed and set about towel drying him like he was a child. It brought back memories of when Steve would get sick after his mom died and Bucky had to take care of him. It was surprisingly fond and somehow made him miss Bucky even more.
“Bucky,” Steve gasped, not realizing he’d said it when his hands reached out for the other man. Bucky seemed to understand and sat beside Steve, pulling the larger man into his lap like he was still small. He felt small and he felt safe, wrapped up in Bucky’s arms, softly being rocked. All of the exhaustion and stress poured out of him and he started to cry. He didn’t remember the last time he had cried. Maybe after he woke up and had to come to grips with losing everything he knew? He’d shed a tear or two when he found out Bucky was alive but brainwashed. He wanted to cry when he found out what Hydra had done to Bucky but he wouldn’t let himself. Maybe this overwhelming flood of emotions went all the way back to the ice? Whatever it was, it felt good to let it out and Bucky held him all the while.
When he finally ran out of tears and the sobs had stopped, Bucky pulled back just enough to kiss Steve’s hair. It was weird how such a parental gesture felt just as good coming from his boyfriend but Steve appreciated it. Bucky softly wiped Steve’s face clean with the edge of the towel he still had over his shoulders before kissing each of his cheeks. It took another silent minute before Steve could look up and meet Bucky’s bright blue eyes. He got a soft smile for his effort and couldn’t help returning it. With one more soft, lingering kiss on his lips, Bucky finally spoke.
“C’mon, punk. Let’s get some food and water into you. I’m sure you’re starving.”
Steve nodded slightly, blushing in embarrassment though Bucky would have none of it. The rest of the night continued in this soft, loving way. Bucky helped Steve dress in flannel pants and a loose tee shirt before sitting him at the kitchen island to watch while he made food. Bucky insisted Steve drink at least one full bottle of water while he watched before starting on some simple boxed pasta with ground beef. Steve found himself continuing to smile as Bucky took care of him. For all he knew he could take care of himself and he loved taking care of Bucky, this was an old facet of their relationship that Steve thought might have died under Hydra’s abuse. To see it resurfacing made Steve feel warm and fuzzy.
After their food was plated up, Bucky dragged Steve into the living room where they bundled up in a giant blanket on the couch and watched some silly tv show that was popular on streaming recently. Steve wasn’t paying much attention to the show, mostly to Bucky’s snarky commentary, and eventually he let himself drop down onto Bucky’s shoulder. He rested his eyes for a while, still listening, until he finally dropped off to sleep. He felt safe and warm and loved. This. This was what he had been missing.
They continued like that for the next few weeks. When Bucky had his bad days, Steve would still look after him and help him feel safe. But when Bucky had his good days, he’d stepped up in looking after Steve more. It put Steve’s fears of being left to rest. Bucky loved him. He cared for him. Obviously he wasn’t going to leave him. Sure, he still disappeared sometimes but he was even more attentive to Steve when he returned and that made up for it. At least, for a while.
Steve had all but forgotten about the marks he’d seen on Tony’s back until the night that he came down for coffee and refused to sit while he drank it. Steve offered the chair next to him, trying his best to continue to mend the tension between them. Tony had smiled but shook his head, leaning against the wall on his hip. If Tony didn’t take the coffee straight back to his lab, he usually hung out. Steve’s brow furrowed when he asked, “Are you okay, Tony?”
“Hm? Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” Tony answered, sounding a bit weary.
“Why don’t you have a seat?” Steve asked, more pointedly this time.
Tony caught his lip between his teeth, staring at the stool for a second before responding, “Nah. I’m good standing.”
“Tony… Are you sure you’re okay?” Steve asked carefully, taking in the tension in Tony’s shoulders.
“Of course, Cap. I’m just a bit sore,” Tony answered, waving Steve off. “In fact, I think I should probably go take a hot bath. See ya!”
Tony threw a wave over his shoulder as he left. Steve now noticed a slight hitch in Tony’s gait. He wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been looking for it. Come to think of it, Bucky had disappeared from bed the night before. Was Bucky the reason Tony was sore and limping? Was Bucky actually hurting Tony? He’d been in such a gentle mood with Steve lately that it seemed odd. Was it because he was so rough with Tony? Or was he not getting what he needed from Steve so he was taking it out on Tony instead? Whatever Steve had decided to ignore, he couldn’t ignore this. Suddenly, the marks on Tony’s back and Bucky glaring at Steve when he insisted they get looked at came back to him. Did Bucky cause those marks? That coil of dread returned in Steve’s stomach. No matter how much he loved Bucky, if he was hurting Tony, he had to put a stop to it.
With that decided, Steve set his focus on the next time Bucky snuck away during the night. It was usually once or twice a week, always blamed on nightmares. The next time Steve found he’d left he would actually follow. However, as if knowing his decision, Bucky didn’t leave in the middle of the night for the next week and a half. Steve wondered if they might be meeting while he was doing work for Shield but he couldn’t be sure. It’s not like he could do anything about that. But then, finally, it happened. Almost two weeks after that evening in the kitchen, Steve woke up to the soft click of their bedroom door closing. Like before, Steve waited before he pulled himself out of bed. In a pair of sleep pants and a tee shirt, Steve crept out of their room. In the living room, Steve once again asked JARVIS if Bucky had gone to the lab and if Tony was there as well. This time, he had not gone to the lab but to a floor that Steve knew to be an empty apartment saved for the spider kid if he ever felt ready to leave May. What on earth were they doing there?
Like before, Steve asked the AI to take him there without alerting the other two.
Upon reaching the unused floor, Steve was almost ready to catch them as soon as the elevator opened. But the space was empty. There was a light on down the hall so Steve quietly crept toward it. He heard soft voices from within. There was a creak of furniture. Did Steve really want to see this? If Tony was being hurt, then yes. So Steve took a deep breath and steeled his nerves before creeping closer. He was beginning to make out the voices. Was that really Bucky?
“There you are. Isn’t this better?”
His voice was deeper than Steve was used to hearing. Almost like when he first woke up in the morning but smoother. The furniture creaked again and there was a smack that sounded like leather on leather.
“Ah ah ah. Did I tell you you could move? No, I didn’t.”
This was beginning to sound worse than just rough sex. Steve was beginning to worry this was more like outright abuse. But why wasn’t Tony saying anything?
“See? I knew you could be a good boy. Now, hold still while I warm you up.”
Steve was almost to the door now, cracked slightly as if someone had swung it closed but it didn’t catch. The sound of rhythmic soft pats began to emanate from the room. Steve was about to peak around the door when the pats became firmer, culminating in one sharp crack before easing off to the softer pats. As the next crack rang out, Steve couldn’t stop himself. He pushed the door open and gaped at the sight he saw. There was Bucky, looking as commanding and sure as he did as a soldier, swinging a handle with a flat bit of leather on it from his right hand, staring down at Tony. Tony who was naked and bent over some kind of furniture with his wrists and ankles shackled to the furniture. His head was down but when he shifted, Steve could see why he hadn’t been talking; he had a ball strapped to his mouth. He was bound and gagged and Bucky was beating him.
“What the hell? Bucky, stop!”
Steve hadn’t fully realized he’d shouted before he was stepping forward and grabbing Bucky’s wrist. The air of confident command that Bucky had been wearing dropped as his stared, wide eyed, at Steve. Tony’s head also whipped up to stare over his shoulder at Steve who was actively glaring at Bucky. Bucky’s mouth seemed to be working, trying to find words as fear crawled over his features. This was so much worse than Steve could have imagined. Before Steve could say any more, Tony began struggling, pulling at the restraints and trying to talk around the gag. With one more seething glare, Steve took the leather instrument—which he now saw was a riding crop—and threw it across the room before going to Tony. He found the buckle on the gag and pulled it from Tony’s mouth, trying to reassure him while he looked for how to open the cuffs. It took a second before Tony’s now audible words sunk into Steve’s brain enough for him to understand.
“Steve, what the hell are you doing here?”
“I’m getting you out,” Steve answered, seeing the cuffs, while strong, weren’t very secure and were easy to pop open. “Come on. Let’s get you out of here.”
“Hang on, hang on,” Tony protested, not sitting up despite his hands being free. Steve went to unlatch his ankles. “Steve, would you knock it off and listen to me?”
Once Tony’s ankles were free, Steve rounded on Bucky who was still staring silently. “I will deal with you later,” Steve threatened. “Come on, Tony.”
“No!”
Steve was startled by Tony’s yelling. He finally stopped moving and looked at Tony. He was still kneeling on the two leveled furniture, but vertical so he could look Steve in the eye. Tony was glaring. Why was Tony glaring?
“Wha—?”
“Dear god, you have no idea, do you?” Tony demanded, clearly not expecting an answer. He stepped off the kneeling portion and continued, “Steve, do me a favor and shut the hell up for a second.”
Steve jerked as if he’d been slapped but didn’t say anything. Seeing his compliance, Tony turned to Bucky and his face softened.
“Hey, you okay?” Tony asked gently, reaching out for Bucky’s still raised hand. Bucky appeared to be shaking and pulled his hands in towards himself, closing off. Oh no. Steve recognized that body language. And clearly, so did Tony. “Hey hey hey. No. Come back here, sweetheart. You’re okay. I’m okay. Everything is fine. We just need to explain to Steve, okay?”
Bucky finally met Tony’s eyes and looked scared. What was he scared of? Steve? No, that couldn’t be.
“Bucky?” Steve ventured, confused. When Bucky’s eyes darted towards him, he saw Bucky was scared of him. But Bucky was the one who had been hurting Tony. Why was Bucky scared? And now Tony was glaring at him again.
“Steve, shut up for a second,” Tony snapped. “Let me take care of Bucky and then I’ll answer your questions.”
Steve nodded dumbly, backing out of the room while Tony took Bucky’s face between his hands, continuing to mutter soft words. Steve went out to the main room which had the basic furniture lay out all the apartments had. He dropped onto the couch, trying to wrap his head around what he just saw. After several dizzying moments, he resigned that he couldn’t and tried to patiently wait for Tony. Eventually, Tony did emerge from that room wearing a robe. Bucky wasn’t with him and his glare was still focused on Steve. Steve stared at Tony helplessly, unsure how to ask any of the questions that were racing through his mind. After studying his face, Tony sighed and dropped into the arm chair across from the couch.
“So I’m going to take a wild guess and say you have no idea what you just saw, eh?” Tony finally asked. Steve’s throat felt tight so he simply nodded. Tony nodded back and continued, “Right. Well, I’ll start with the most simple part. I’m not being held captive or abused or hurt in any way I did not explicitly ask for.”
“But—“
“Ah ah. Shush. Not your turn,” Tony snapped, cutting Steve off. “Look, I can see this is totally new to you so I’ll try to keep it simple. What you just saw is part of BDSM or kink. Specifically bondage and impact play. I enjoy it. Have for years. Sure, being kidnapped and held hostage changed a few of my kinks but that’s different. Yes, Bucky was hitting me. Yes, I was handcuffed. But I specifically asked for it and enjoy it and there are multiple safety measures in place. Okay?”
“Okay,” Steve said slowly, still not fully understanding.”
“I’m not going to go into detail because it’s not my thing to share but Bucky also enjoys it. Stop that thought. It’s not that he likes hurting me. It’s a control thing. Doing this, he gets to be in control. I like to not be in control. But at the end of the day, I have the final say on all of it. So Bucky still has orders and I still have freedom. This has been helping me with stress and it helps Bucky deal with his conflicting feelings.”
“But why…”
“Does it feel good?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow. “All sensual and sexual encounters deal in touch. Some touches are harder than others. And some of us like the harder feeling. Or the mixing of pain and pleasure. It’s different from person to person so I can really only give you my perspective. But really, why does any of us like anything? It’s just preference. And doing it this way, I know everyone is safe.”
Steve bit his lip. Still not completely sure what to say or do. He could see Tony sitting before him, appearing fine. But Bucky still hadn’t emerged from that room. So he tried to put the pieces together. Tony kept bringing up safety despite the fact that he was clearly being hit. So Steve had to ask, “What kind of safety?”
Tony’s shoulders lost an iota of tension. “Multiple. To start, no one does anything to anyone without asking first or establishing ahead of time that it’s something you like. Sometimes we plan the scene out together, sometimes I tell the other person what I like and let them decide from there. There’s also safe words, things either of us can say to slow down or stop the scene completely. In cases like tonight where I had something in my mouth, there’s non verbal signals like snapping or bell toys.”
Steve’s brow furrowed again as he carefully parsed through Tony’s word choice.
“Hang on. You said ‘either of us’,” Steve pointed out.
“I did,” Tony replied, nodding. “Because it’s not just me who has to be comfortable and enjoy it. If we’re doing something and Bucky is feeling uncomfortable or it triggers something or he wants to check in with me, he can use safe words to slow or stop the scene just as freely as I can. The idea is that we both get something out of this arrangement.”
“Oh,” Steve breathed. So they both agreed. They both enjoy it. Steve still doesn’t totally get it but he does get one thing. He just invalidated Bucky by treating him as an abuser. “Oh shit.”
“Yeah, ‘oh shit’,” Tony repeated, snorting. “Look, I don’t care what you think of me but please be kind to Bucky. If you need time to think about it or you don’t know what to say, fine, but leave right now. I’ll take care of Bucky. If you want to try to fix this, you have to be kind.”
“Yeah, of course,” Steve said, standing almost before Tony had finished talking. He was looking down the hallway to that room. The door was closed but the light was still on. He took a deep breath and looked at Tony again. “Can I… Can I try to fix this?”
Tony studied him for a moment before nodding and waving his hand. “Just know, I will be staying within earshot and I’m not afraid to try and kick your ass.”
The burning seriousness in Tony’s eyes made Steve feel a lot of things. For one, the concern and care for Bucky made him feel good. For two, it also made his groin jerk in a solidly inappropriate way for the situation. He brushed these thoughts aside and nodded, heading down the hall again. At the door, he knocked lightly before turning the handle.
Bucky was no longer standing where they had left him. Now that Steve took a longer look, the room had various pieces of odd furniture as well as a wardrobe, chest of drawers, and a large bed. Bucky was curled into a ball in the farthest corner of the bed, trying to press himself into the wall. His face was buried in his knees, not unlike how Bucky had found Steve in the shower. He seemed to still be shaking. Steve felt his heart clench and then melt. “Oh, Buck…”
Steve left the door open as he stepped into the room. As much as he wanted privacy, he knew he couldn’t shut Tony out right now. He approached the bed slowly, waiting to see if Bucky would look up. When he didn’t, he shifted to kneel on the edge of the bed. When Bucky flinched and curled tighter, Steve froze. This was his fault. He hurt Bucky. He didn’t know how to fix it but he knew that he had to. He settled on his knees so he was balanced but didn’t move any closer.
“Buck, I’m so sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t know. I made a judgement and it was wrong. I was just worried about Tony.”
Bucky began shaking his head back and forth, his face still hidden behind his long hair. His arms around his knees tightened.
“Bucky, please, can I touch you?”
Steve waited patiently but it didn’t seem like he was going to get an answer.
“I’m sorry. So so so sorry. I didn’t understand. Admittedly, I still don’t but I want to. If you’ll share with me…” Steve trailed off. He felt the words as he said them. He didn’t know if he would be interested in being in Bucky’s place or in Tony’s or neither but if this was something important to them then he wanted to learn. “Please, honey. I’m so sorry I hurt you. Can I hug you?”
Bucky still didn’t say anything but he unfurled slightly from his ball. Upon seeing this, Steve shifted closer, keeping his arms open for Bucky to decide but not reaching out to him. Bucky made his decision quickly and rocketed himself into Steve’s arms, nearly knocking them both off he bed. Steve immediately closed his arms around Bucky and held him tightly, one arm around his back and the other around his shoulders so he could hold his face to his neck.
“There you are, love. I’m so sorry I scared you and made you feel bad,” Steve muttered, really feeling the truth of the words as he uttered them. “I didn’t understand and I acted without thinking. I never want to hurt you or scare you. I’m so so sorry. I never should have doubted you or judged you. That was wrong of me.”
They continued to sit in a tangle of limbs, Steve repeatedly apologizing, for a while. Eventually, Tony wandered in to check on them. When he looked like he was going to back out of the room, an aching smile on his face, Steve held out one of his hands, reaching to pull Tony in. He looked doubtful but accepted Steve’s hand and let himself be pulled in. Tony and Steve both wrapped themselves around Bucky, reassuring him. Eventually, and in no order that anyone can remember, they all drifted off to sleep.
When Steve blinked awake later that morning, he was surprised by the weight he was under. It took him a second to remember getting up from bed to follow Bucky. He looked down to find Tony’s head in his lap, still sleeping soundly, his fingers interlocked with Bucky’s. Bucky, he found, was laying on his shoulder, awake watching him.
“Good morning,” Steve rumbled, kissing Bucky’s forehead.
“Morning,” Bucky breathed back. He smiled for a second before it fell. “We should talk.”
“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “But not yet. Let’s just lay here for now. We can talk when Tony wakes up.”
“Okay,” Bucky muttered, still sounding vulnerable.
“Hey,” Steve mumbled, catching Bucky’s eye again. “I still love you. No matter what. Till the end of the line, right?”
“Till the end of the line,” Bucky breathed back, closing his eyes and resting on Steve’s shoulder again. Steve wasn’t sure how this conversation would go or what this meant for their relationship but at least he knew there would be one. And for now, that was enough.