Chapter Text
Xie Lian waits at a busy pedestrian light. He's amongst a crowd of people, shoulder to shoulder, waiting for the light to turn green so he can cross the road. He needs to get to the bus stop on the other side, and the app on his phone is telling him that his bus is due soon.
Suddenly he sees it. His bus is turning the corner of the city street. His bus stop is just a minute down the road, but he’s blocked by the sea of speeding cars barricading his path. He waits for the opportune moment to cross, and as soon as they slow to a halt, Xie Lian ignores the pedestrian light and sprints across the road, gripping tightly onto his backpack over his shoulders.
The bus pauses at his bus stop. Xie Lian has only a couple of seconds to catch it. He hopes that there’s a passenger that’ll hold it up for just a few seconds… just five seconds more, that’s all he needs…
Xie Lian desperately wades through the crowds of people on the sidewalk. The bus is the only thing in his sights. He runs towards it with his eyes glued to the brake-lights on the rear. But he slows to a gentle pace when he helplessly watches the bus move on forward. Disappointment begins to wash over…
Until suddenly, there’s hope. The bus is stopped by a man who has his arm suddenly caught in the doors of the bus. Immediately, Xie Lian picks up the pace again. All he can hope for now is that this mysterious man takes his time long enough for Xie Lian to reach it.
The man climbs on the bus, disappearing from Xie Lian’s sight. But it doesn’t matter now that Xie Lian has run to the side, appearing in the wing mirror long enough to be noticed by the driver. He quickly makes his way to the doors and throws himself inside.
Xie Lian slaps his bus pass onto the contactless device in the driver’s window. Breathlessly, he squeezes out, “Thank you!”
Now red-faced and sweating, Xie Lian wearily walks through the centre aisle. He grabs the poles to support his worn-out body and collapses against a window seat near the front. All he wants is to rest. His head falls to the window, not letting the cold sting of the glass affect him, and remains motionless there as his tired form feels as though it’s melting into the ground. All his muscles ache, his eyelids are heavy, threatening an urge to sleep.
As his gaze drifts to the world passing by outside the window, Xie Lian watches it blur. The monochrome of such a dreary day reflects Xie Lian’s worldview – such a dull, bland, colourless existence. He wonders if there’s any point to it all.
This string of pessimistic thinking comes after a torturous day of working at his soulless office job, before moving on to his next laborious job as a part-time janitor. Since he lost his parents as a teenager, Xie Lian was forced to work and look after himself. He’s worked plenty of jobs, but he’s had no time for himself. All of his time has been dedicated to surviving another day – paying his bills and affording his food. Those precious years of having fun, possibly discovering exciting new hobbies or exploring his personal identity… even forming meaningful connections and relationships… they were all dedicated to ensuring he has a roof over his head.
Now it feels as though he’s lost himself. The desire to somehow break free has been crushed by the harsh realities of such a life. Now there’s no motivation to search for some kind of alternative. He’s numb. On the surface, he seems content, but no one has got close enough to truly see and understand him. If one was to look into his eyes, they’d see a person disconnected from this life. Though he’s not a heartless man by any means, he feels empathy and love for humanity as anyone else, his listless state is only due to a lack of self-indulgence… prompting the question; what’s the point in surviving if you’re not even living?
Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the bus, sitting adjacent from Xie Lian, the mysterious man who had conveniently stopped the bus is Hua Cheng. He hides his face under a thick crimson hooded jacket, though his long raven hair spills down towards his lap, along with the white wire of his earphones. His hands are buried deep into his pockets, bulging with contents.
Though it’s the late afternoon, the bus only has a few people on it. So the space around Hua Cheng is virtually empty, as well as the seats surrounding Xie Lian. Light rain hits against the metallic rooftop and condensation fogs up the windows. The glaring fluorescent ceiling lights are all that brightens up the scenery as the winter brings forth darkness and earlier nights. The atmosphere between them is mundane. The small space they occupy on this dingy bus is devoid of colour, and the air is humid and damp.
Yet, despite such a wretched setting… Hua Cheng is incredibly happy. His expression doesn’t show it on the outside, but inside, his heart is crashing excitedly against his chest.
The bus ride is only a half hour journey for Xie Lian. When it reaches his stop, Xie Lian climbs out of his comatose state and taps the bell to alert the driver. Xie Lian makes his way back down the aisle… passing Hua Cheng by… and holds onto the safety bars while the bus pulls up to his bus stop. He gets off, and heads into the nearby shelter while he searches for his umbrella from his backpack. Though light, the rain hasn’t stopped.
While his arm plunges inside his bag, probing around to find the umbrella, the bus doesn’t entirely leave the area. Completely unknown to Xie Lian – as his attention on the bus is now far gone – it makes a turn towards the next bus stop just a little up the road.
There, Hua Cheng gets off the bus.
Finally, Xie Lian pulls out a black and white umbrella. He pulls it open as he heads into the rainshower and walks down the sidewalk. From a short distance up the road, Hua Cheng follows behind.
The journey from the bus stop towards Xie Lian’s apartment is not long, but the path to get there deters from the busy city roads. He has to cut through shaded alleys where there are more dense trees on either side than buildings. Streetlamps still light his way, but they are few and far in between. Xie Lian has walked down these alleyways too many times to take much notice, but to anyone who is unfamiliar with such settings… scarcely a brave individual would choose to walk down them.
Xie Lian walks in and out of each spotlight that the streetlamps spill upon him. There’s barely a sound now as he heads further into the less populated area of the city – only the slight rustle of leaves being hit by light rain fills the air.
That, and the faint noise of a second pair of footsteps crushing the gravel behind him.
Once more, Xie Lian pays it no mind. Though he is aware of this presence, it’s not like this is private property. This path is for anyone to walk down. Xie Lian keeps on moving, giving no thought to it at all, and dives his hand into his pocket to search for his phone. However, his hands clumsily pull it out with an unsteady grip, and it’s knocked to the ground. Worse still, it falls into a nearby bush where it plunges into darkness amongst the dense branches. With a sigh, Xie Lian fumbles around the bushes, parting the leaves with his hands and squinting his eyes to the darkness.
During this, he’s conscious of the presence that was behind him, and expects the person to walk on by. However, even though he spends a few minutes scouring around, and even bends to his knees to reach underneath the bushes… Xie Lian blatantly notices that he’s not heard anyone walk on by. Those steps he once heard had suddenly stopped.
Curious, Xie Lian glances behind him when he emerges to his feet with his phone in hand. Remarkably, no one is there. The entire long length of the path, dotted with barren streetlights stretching into the background, is devoid of any other life. A silence falls upon the scene – the rain fades, and gentle winds dissipate.
Xie Lian holds his breath. He wondered if he had just imagined the sound of steps. But he’s sure he heard them. However, he’s only surrounded by thick trees and dark shadows in between them. Had someone truly been there, the only place to turn into would be amongst them.
He can’t brush it off. Xie Lian turns to continue on his way, and his steps quicken. He paced hurriedly down the path. It’s not long until he rounds the corner of the alley towards the estate where his apartment building is situated. Once more, the path towards the entrance is hidden in darkness with only a few motion lamps hanging on the side of the building to light his way. It’s the first time Xie Lian has felt such an internal fear, provoked entirely by guttural instincts telling him that he must get to his front door as soon as possible.
Xie Lian is washed over by the motion floodlights at his entrance doorway as he flies up the steps. He practically thrusts his keys into the door, slipping through the crack as it opens and promptly slams it behind him. The lobby of the apartment building is lit up with obnoxious fluorescent lighting, making it difficult to see through the window in the door, where only his frightened reflection stares back at him instead of the dark pathway he’d just sprinted down.
With no time to spare, Xie Lian pushes the button to the elevator beside the entrance, and has to agonisingly wait for it to climb down before he can rush inside. Xie Lian’s eyes remain glued to the windows, hoping with bated breath that no one suddenly appears there…
Thankfully, those few minutes are entirely uneventful. No one appears. The elevator doors part, and Xie Lian steps inside with a huge grateful sigh. It climbs to the second floor where he can walk along the balcony of the building and reach towards the front door of his home at the very end. Xie Lian laughs to himself, thinking back on how scared he was. Eventually he brushes off the whole affair, concluding that he must have imagined the entire thing, and quickly forgets all about it.
Meanwhile, Hua Cheng had emerged from the shadows. He saw how quickly Xie Lian had disappeared from sight. As Xie Lian turned the corner towards his apartment building, Hua Cheng curved to the adjacent building situated on the opposite side. He inserted his own key into this neighbouring apartment building, and calmly walked inside… gently closing the door behind him.
…
The black-out curtain draped over the window in Hua Cheng’s room is cracked ajar. Hua Cheng sits in front of it, peering through to get a view of the building right next door. Thankfully for Hua Cheng, it's close in width as there’s only a slim footpath separating the two buildings. Hua Cheng’s home is on the third floor of his building, so he has a perfect view of the second floor apartments in the building next door. Conveniently, directly adjacent to him is Xie Lian’s place. Just as he planned. The metal-bar balcony in front of Xie Lian's apartment has wide enough spaces to see past it, revealing the full length of the windows where Hua Cheng can see into each of Xie Lian’s rooms. All except the bathroom at the back. Despite living alone, Xie Lian usually keeps his bathroom door closed when he uses it. Hua Cheng's eyes turn dark every time Xie Lian manages to vanish from sight.
Xie Lian’s apartment is small – just like Hua Cheng’s – where his lounge is attached to the kitchen area, and the bedroom is across the hall from his entranceway. Both rooms have large windows. And luckily for Hua Cheng, Xie Lian rarely draw his curtains. Hua Cheng is exposed to everything, and every night, Hua Cheng graciously helps himself.
In the simplest terms, Hua Cheng is a stalker.
He’s also incredibly aware of it. All of his actions that have led to this have been the conscious decisions of a… fairly… sound mind. Perhaps he's not totally sane or stable, but he at least has some awareness of being grounded in reality.
He knows what he’s doing. He’s aware of how it looks and how unethical it is as he peers through the lens of his high quality camera, zooming in close to Xie Lian’s vacant face as he relaxes across the length of his sofa. He knows how wrong and creepy it is to save such a photo to an album amongst thousands saved in his hard drives, documenting mundane moments that Hua Cheng deems sacred.
He understands it all very well.
But Hua Cheng also understands that he is so deeply… extremely… obsessively in love with Xie Lian.
He knew when he first saw him that he couldn’t possibly love Xie Lian normally. It came more intensely than a storm, more overwhelmingly than a tsunami. He drowned in it until he sank to the deepest, murkiest depths that just go on, and on, and on… falling deeper and deeper with no end in sight. If falling in love conventionally is to experience pleasant butterflies and gentle feelings… Hua Cheng had rather felt annihilated by a violent shattering of self, broken to pieces, torn apart in the onslaught, until there's nothing but a plaything for Xie Lian's ownership.
This extreme, twisted love… it’s like being enveloped in a beautiful darkness. It’s chaotic and painful, maddening and glorious. It penetrates his mind and occupies his thoughts, controlling his reason and corrupting his morals. When it feels so good to love Xie Lian at such an extreme extent, Hua Cheng wonders... why would he ever want to stop? He was a whole other person after he came to know about Xie Lian. Now he lives to walk in his shadow. Desiring to learn everything about him. Subdued by this obsession. Loving him deeply… deeply…
“Ah. So cute. So cute. So cute.” Hua Cheng repeats beneath his breath, watching through his lens as Xie Lian simply stretches a yawn.
This particular kind of worship is beyond any normal amount. On Hua Cheng’s wall to his right is a corkboard, with a plentiful collage of printed photographs displaying various moments of Xie Lian’s life. Beneath this corkboard is a table with various items that has once been in contact with Xie Lian. This shrine is set up next to his desk with his expensive computer that withholds a powerful harddrive for all of Hua Cheng’s photos. Beneath the window are piles of notebooks where Hua Cheng jots down important information about Xie Lian. Every day he seems to learn something new. Everything he collects is a precious new thing to treasure.
On the other side of the room is a plain white bed, but nothing else decorates this space. The entire apartment is dedicated to Hua Cheng’s obsession. He can afford to devote all of his time to this especially since he inherited a large sum of wealth from his deceased parents. It’s incredibly convenient to have a disposable income when dedicating an entire life to never missing a single moment of someone else’s.
Xie Lian emerges from the sofa to go and switch the light off. Then, as his body sways with exhaustion, he collapses into his bed in the next room. Hua Cheng checks his watch – it’s one o’clock in the morning. That’s usually about the time Xie Lian falls asleep. Everything is going according to Xie Lian’s usual daily routine. He places down the camera and goes to kneel before his shrine. There’s erratic sticky notes placed around the border of his corkboard, all of which mention a specific detail about Xie Lian’s life. It’s easy to make such observations when Xie Lian generally does the same thing every week, day in, day out.
Hua Cheng is fairly certain that he knows everything about Xie Lian by now. At least, everything that he puts out in the open. In certain conversations that he’s overheard, Xie Lian doesn’t express his personal opinions very often. He doesn’t seem to project any alerting extremities, and comes across as a normal-functioning man. Even in private, all he does is watch the TV or scroll on his phone, and there’s no defining pattern that alludes to any particular likes or dislikes.
Hua Cheng has latched on to an ordinary man, which honestly just intrigues him all the more. He’s sure that there’s a layer beneath Xie Lian’s surface that he’s kept hidden away. Hua Cheng hopes to unravel more of him… wanting to be the one to know every side of him, desiring to be the only one to see…
Which leads to the reality of such a crazed love – it is dialed up to the absolute extreme.
Hua Cheng has an intense longing to monopolise him, despite keeping his presence unknown. Even usually, love can cloud a person’s sense of judgment. For Hua Cheng, it throws his senses completely askew.
And it shows more clearly during a certain instance that happens the following day...
…
At the end of Xie Lian’s morning shift at his office job, it’s a habit of his to go to the nearby park to grab a bench and eat his packed lunch there. While perching upon a bench just beside a large gushing fountain, Hua Cheng’s car is parked in a parking lot just off to the side on an elevated hill. It's just about high enough where he can't be spotted too overtly, while also creating the perfect viewpoint to watch Xie Lian down below. Inside the car, Hua Cheng rests his arms across the dashboard and lays his head in his hands, watching casually from the distance. Today, Xie Lian has brought a salad with him. Hua Cheng mentally records his healthy eating choice, noting that he has been eating really well recently.
However, this small detail is overshadowed by the winds picking up and blowing through Xie Lian’s long hair. Perhaps a normal person would find it simply beautiful to see their loved one swept away by the wind… but Hua Cheng doesn’t ingest such moments rationally. He’s devastated at the sight. Crumbling like a sandcastle hit by the tide. His heart soars, inducing a state of euphoria that feels ethereal. Otherworldly.
“I love him. I love him.” Hua Cheng says aloud, his heart on his tongue, riding this burst of insane love.
It’s the most addicting feeling. Hua Cheng is adamant that if anyone else could feel exactly how he feels at that moment, they would want to chase this high just as much. There’s just no other better feeling like it, and – incredibly – it doesn’t lessen or become stale. It gets better and better. Loving someone like this is the height of bliss. A distortion of fixation and happiness… pure obsession.
Until suddenly, he’s taken out of that blissful state.
A woman in a smart suit approaches Xie Lian out of the blue. She talks to him for a moment, and they have a short exchange before Xie Lian shuffles up the bench and invites her to sit next to him.
The world falls silent around Hua Cheng.
Then, a loud crack rings in his ears, like a glass shattering in half.
The car rocks back and forth from the way Hua Cheng jolts upright in his seat. His left eye becomes bloodshot from how wide it gets, and the iris shrinks to a pinpoint. He’s transfixed on the pair, unable to break his inquisitive gaze away from their entire interaction. The woman has her body positioned towards him, leaning fairly close as a sign that she’s interested. Xie Lian is smiling pleasantly, which is usually how he engages with anyone, but his hand gestures and behaviours are more animated than normal. She’s bringing out a more social side of Xie Lian than Hua Cheng has ever seen before.
His fist suddenly crashes down on the dashboard. There’s not a trace of calm in his expression. The ball of his fists are clenched so tight that his veins pop vividly on the back of his hands.
He recognises that woman. She works with him at the office. A new development may have occurred where they’ve agreed to share lunch together. It’s possible. It’s likely.
Hua Cheng is writhing in torment. Every molecule of his body is boiling with an intense jealousy, pushing an irrational urge to throw himself out the car and run towards them… but what would come of that? He knows it’d be pointless. He understands it would just ruin everything.
Because despite everything that he’s done, the only boundary he will never cross is to actually make himself known to Xie Lian. Surely that would be the end of him. The thought alone is enough to tear away the last shred of his sanity. He’s resigned to this distance where he can simply watch him from afar. That’s the most he’ll allow for himself. He’s done far too much to ever expose his presence. It would absolutely destroy him if Xie Lian found out. It’s too much to even give it a passing thought.
However, what he’s currently witnessing is just as agonising. Worst of all, Hua Cheng is watching a rare opportunity where Xie Lian is smiling so beautifully. There’s a mad twist of pleasure and anxiety curling in his chest, crushing his heart in a severely painful grip. To see Xie Lian look so happy is the greatest gift, but the fact that this woman is the one making it happen... Hua Cheng grits his teeth so hard until his jaw strains.
Suffering through this very nearly takes him to the brink of insanity. Despite this, Hua Cheng watches on as he can’t afford to miss a moment. While acutely analysing every one of Xie Lian’s movements, trying desperately to read the words shaping on his lips, Hua Cheng deciphers the worst possible outcome of this; his colleague is definitely interested in him.
"Who is this bitch?" Hua Cheng says aloud, his voice cold and deadpan.
And amongst all this, as much as he desperately wanted to detach himself from Xie Lian’s world, Hua Cheng can’t help wishing so much that the one sitting by Xie Lian’s side, chatting happily with a chance of something more than friendship… was him instead.
…
The next day, Hua Cheng rummages through his wardrobe and picks out his best outfit that accentuates his good looks. Hua Cheng is exceptionally handsome, which is something he’s learned as he’s entered adulthood. He knows how to take care of himself and look his best. He takes a white shirt and slips it over his body, noticing how his muscles bulge tightly against the material. The neckline is fairly low, exposing his wide shoulder-blades where he hangs a long silver necklace over it, with a butterfly pendant perched in his cleavage. He checks his full-length mirror once more, making sure that his outfit works well together before leaving his apartment.
He drives towards his usual spot at the park, just across the road from Xie Lian’s office building. He checks the time on his dashboard. It’s just before nine o'clock. It’s around about when all the employees will be coming to work.
Hua Cheng's fingers tap impatiently against his steering wheel. His cold gaze is intense as he scans the area. He closely inspects the crowd. They're all dressed in similar type business suits flocking into the double doors of the building. It really is the kind of workplace that strips away people’s sense of individuality.
Finally, relief. Hua Cheng spots the person he’s been searching for. The woman from the day before… she’s walking at a steady pace on the other side of the park. She’s still quite a distance away, which creates a perfect opportunity for Hua Cheng. She doesn't leave his sight as he quickly grabs his full cup of coffee that he had saved in his cup holder. Then he jumps out his car and heads towards the park entrance just before the office building.
Hua Cheng takes his phone, pretending to look like he’s distracted by it, but instead… uses the front-facing camera to look over his shoulder. He can clearly see the woman approaching from behind, and she’s swapped sides so that she’ll be able to walk past him. Hua Cheng has to time this right if he’s going to pull this off perfectly…
Just as the woman comes up close behind, Hua Cheng acts as though he’s completely distracted by the phone in his hands, and turns sharply around to bump right into her. The cup of coffee – lukewarm by now – spills over himself.
“Oh! Oh no! God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t think you were about to turn this way!” The woman apologises profusely.
Hua Cheng is pleased. This is exactly what he wanted to happen.
He fakes a worried reaction as he replies, “Sorry, no, please, don’t apologise. It’s my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Are you okay? Did I spill any of my drink on you?”
It takes the woman a second to realise exactly who she is looking at. Her eyes travel from bottom to the top, taking in the gorgeous view of this beautiful man who is now dripping wet, and his see-through shirt so conveniently reveals his well-built muscles underneath. She stares totally in awe.
“N… no, I’m okay… are you…?” The woman breathes unsteadily.
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me. Guess I got the worst of it.”
“I’m really sorry…”
“Really, it’s my fault. I did get a little bit on you, though." There's an uncontrollable devilish hint in his tone of voice as he asks, "Is it alright if I get your contact information so I can make it up to you? Your jacket looks pretty expensive.”
“It’s not, don’t worry about that.” She blushes as she pulls out her phone from her pocket, “Um, it’s fine if you take my number though. Is it okay if we get together and sort this out later tonight…?”
A grin pulls at Hua Cheng’s lips. He’s feeling ridiculously triumphant.
“Sounds perfect.”
…
Xie Lian believed that he had been getting along really well with a colleague of his recently. The day before, she suddenly asked him out of the blue if they could share lunch together, so he figured he was beginning to make a work friend.
But today is a different story.
When Xie Lian manages to talk to her, the woman is as friendly as normal, but Xie Lian notices how much her attention is elsewhere. Their conversation is going nowhere, as she's urging their interaction to end as soon as possible. After that, Xie Lian notices how she sneaks glances at her phone all throughout their shift and fusses over it from under her desk. Then, as lunchtime comes around, she swiftly says her goodbyes and leaves promptly afterwards. Xie Lian is left in the dust.
Surprisingly, Xie Lian feels indifferent to this development. He exits the office and wanders to the park bench as normal, and takes out the lunch from his backpack to enjoy by himself. When he really gives it some thought, it's not that he really has a special interest in her or anything, but his curiosity did make him wonder if the start of their relationship would've led to anything. It might’ve made a change to his otherwise tiresome life. But overall, Xie Lian isn’t too fazed about it. In the end, he's returned to the solitude he’s always been accustomed to, and eats by himself.
While, unknowingly, a particular type of car lingers just up ahead… parked up on top of the hill.
…
The next day, something strange occurs. Xie Lian notices how his colleague is behaving completely different.
It's almost like she's a completely new person now. Yesterday she seemed so excited and preoccupied by her phone, but today is the complete opposite. The woman pays no attention to her phone at all, and instead, keeps nervously glancing back over her shoulder in the direction of Xie Lian’s desk. She's making it blatantly obvious that she wants to talk to him. Xie Lian tries to concentrate of his work, but he can't help catching sight of her anxiously fidgeting around in her cubicle.
After completing the majority of his urgent work, Xie Lian takes a short recess and wanders over to the water cooler to get himself a drink. The moment he steps away from his desk is when the woman gets out of her seat, almost reactively. She rushs over to the kitchen and joins him.
“Hey, Xie Lian.”
“Hey, how are you? Busy today?”
“I’m, um… well, actually, do you have time to chat at lunch later? And, uh… can I ask you not to go to the park today? Let's meet in the staff room instead. Sorry, I know it’ll be the end of your shift, and I know you have your other job to go to later so it won't take long, but… I’m afraid it’s quite important.”
Xie Lian’s eyes widen. He didn't expect this at all. But he can’t argue with his intense curiosity. Xie Lian nods complacently, and the arrangement is set. As swiftly as they spoke, they soon return to their desks with drinks in hand.
…
The hours fly by fairly quickly. Before he knew it, twelve o’clock soon comes around and Xie Lian’s shift is done. He packs away all his usual things, shuffles his backpack on, and finds his colleague waiting for him at the entrance of her cubicle.
“You ready to go?” She asks, no calmer than before.
Xie Lian simply follows her down the hall towards the staff room that’s situated on the other end of the floor. It's fairly empty, and only the faint sound of a small radio plays from the kitchen area, but they aren't completely alone. They find a small round table in the corner of the room, spaced far out from the rest of the company. The woman hopes for a bit of privacy, and Xie Lian can sense from her anxious posture that this kind of conversation is going to be serious.
Once they get themselves settled in their chairs, Xie Lian clasps his hands together and rests them against the table, leaning forward and speaking in a hushed tone,
“So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”
The woman shifts in her chair. She doesn’t seem to know where to begin, and simply sighs with a start.
“Well… Xie Lian, have you noticed anything off around you lately? I mean, have you seen anything strange going on around you?”
Xie Lian is completely baffled. He has no idea where this is coming from. He shakse his head, cocking his eyebrow bewilderedly in response.
“No, not at all.”
“Are you sure? What about when you go out to the park to eat lunch? Don’t you notice anything while you’re there?”
“Well, I’m not really sure what you think I should be looking out for–”
“Ok, how about this… have you ever experienced being followed?”
Suddenly, this provokes his previous experience of the night he rushed home after finding that the footsteps behind him had suddenly disappeared. The memory of it flashes through his mind like a vivid film reel. Perhaps he just really wanted to dismiss it as a case of overactive imagination, but there’s something quite critical about that night that really struck deep in his gut. The fear that took hold of him wasn’t easy to forget, and he can still feel the aftershocks of such an experience even now.
Knowing how deeply it truly affected him, Xie Lian can’t bring himself to deny it, “I… believe I have been, once. Not too long ago, actually.”
“Xie Lian, I’m very worried about you. I think you’re being pursued by someone.”
A cold, dark feeling washes over him. His heart plummets to the pits of his stomach. Though he very much wants to deny it, Xie Lian can’t completely ignore it.
He dares to ask, “What do you mean? Why would you think so?”
“I’m… a little embarrassed to admit that I’d been watching you for a little while at the office. I just wanted to find the right time to talk to you. When I came here on my lunch breaks, I could see you from the window eating down below in the park. There’s a red car that’s always parked just ahead of you. Did you know that it drives away right after you finish and leave the area?”
Xie Lian squints his eyes. It’s true that he’s seen the car once or twice before in the distance, but he figured it just belonged to one of the other colleagues that works here. He isn’t convinced by this alone that whoever owns that car must be pursuing him…
“So I bumped into a man yesterday morning, and we exchanged numbers after he spilt his coffee on my clothes. Honestly, the way he ended up getting my contact info is such a classic playboy move. I’m mad at myself for not seeing through it. Anyway, we texted a couple times, arranged to meet up at a bar in the evening, and as I was waiting there… he pulls up in that same red car with the exact same license plate.”
Xie Lian’s face pales.
She continues, “As soon as I saw that car pull up, I ran out of that bar. But, to be honest, I don’t think that guy is too bothered about being stood up by me as much as he’s concerned about me getting close to you. Don’t you think it’s a little suspicious that this guy tries to hit me up the day after I joined you for lunch in the park? The same place he always hangs around, watching you eat and leaving after you do?”
“...do you really figure that's what's going on?”
“If you don’t think so, have a look out the window. See if he’s there. He’s probably wondering why you’re not coming out like you usually do.”
Xie Lian lifts himself out his chair immediately and goes towards the nearest window.
As he places his hands flat against the window pane, he glances down at the scenery below. The floor they’re on is quite high up, so he has a perfect view of the area stretching down several streets. The park situated in the centre is spacious – a natural environment getaway separated from the concrete jungle of the city. Beside the park is the parking lot, with plenty of cars crowding up the spaces as it usually does at high noon.
However one particular car grabs Xie Lian’s attention. A bright red car, modern and expensive – the paint job is glaringly fluorescent, as if it'd just been done. As soon as Xie Lian’s eyes fall upon it, he's unblinking from shock as he watches the door on the driver’s side suddenly open.
From it, a tall figure emerges. This person's face is hidden away by a familiar thick crimson hooded jacket. Xie Lian is frozen, paralysed by an emotion that he’s never experienced in his life. He can’t quite describe what he’s feeling. All he knows is that he can’t stop staring at this mystery person, who seems to be looking around and scanning the area from side to side.
Until finally, it feels as though the rest of the world falls away into irrelevance as Xie Lian witnesses the figure slowly turn to look up to the office building… staring directly up at the floor that Xie Lian is standing in.
From there, Xie Lian can see his face clearly. Hua Cheng’s locks are picked up by the wind, cascading over his frightening expression, though Xie Lian can absolutely make out exactly what he looks like.
…
Nightfall comes. It’s been an unpredictable kind of day.
Hua Cheng sits in his usual spot at the front of the bus. It's heading towards the bus stop where Xie Lian usually gets on after completing his second shift of the day. Hua Cheng jumped on this bus early, lessening the chance that he would immediately run into Xie Lian and cause suspicion. Hopefully, if he timed this right, Xie Lian will be getting on this bus, but if not, Hua Cheng will simply have to get off at the next stop and walk back to the start and wait for the next one. He'll repeat this over and over again if he has to, as long as he gets on the one that Xie Lian catches.
Lately, things haven’t been going well. The night before, he was surprised to find that the woman he arranged to meet at the bar hadn’t shown up. When he texted her to ask where she was, Hua Cheng discovered that she had blocked his number. It genuinely perplexed him – he just couldn’t figure out why. But it annoyed him more than anything because it took precious time out of watching Xie Lian that night.
Then, during the afternoon, he couldn't understand why Xie Lian hadn’t come out to eat his lunch at the park like normal. In fact, he never caught a moment where he saw Xie Lian leave the office building entirely. When he returned home, specifically to search for him, Hua Cheng couldn’t find Xie Lian in his apartment either, so he ruled out the possibility that Xie Lian had come back at some point without noticing. But later on, he discovered that Xie Lian had at least showed up for his second job of the day doing janitorial work. It was a huge relieving moment for Hua Cheng, who began to fear the worst.
If anything bad happened, or anything at all was to happen to Xie Lian…
…
Anyway…
Hua Cheng is ready to put such an anxiety-inducing day to rest, and looks forward to his usual evening of observing Xie Lian from afar. This short bus ride home together is all that he allows for himself, and it genuinely makes him the happiest out of everything else he does. Following that, when he walks behind Xie Lian on their way home, Hua Cheng can briefly pretend like he's walking beside him like a lovesick puppy. They’re such benign fantasies, but they give Hua Cheng everything… they truly ignite his soul alight, giving him a reason to breathe. These little things mean so much to him, but it’s the farthest he’ll ever go…
Right on time, Hua Cheng catches sight of Xie Lian hopping on to the bus. Hua Cheng ducks his head so that his hood fully covers his face. His heart beats wildly in excitement. He hears the light tapping of Xie Lian’s feet crossing ahead of him, walking down the aisle of the bus before planting his body on a seat far away. Immediately, Hua Cheng feels restored. He could’ve had the worst day possible and this would’ve been all he needed to feel revitalised. Hua Cheng withholds a shaky smile.
Half an hour goes by. The bell tolls for Xie Lian to get off, and Hua Cheng listens intently for Xie Lian’s footsteps to walk on by again. He loves how it sounds. He loves these short moments where he’s so close, just for a couple of seconds, but he deliriously doesn’t care…
Xie Lian steps off the bus and it sets off again. Hua Cheng moves to alert the driver to park at the next stop. The bell rings and Hua Cheng stands, heading towards the doors in feverish anticipation.
When Hua Cheng climbs off, he can just about make out Xie Lian’s figure in the distance amongst the darkness. The winter can be harsh as it makes days shorter and shrouds the world outside in shadows. But whatever the day may bring is unimportant so long as Hua Cheng can be near to Xie Lian, worshiping his every step, devoting himself entirely…
The sudden urge to photograph Xie Lian from this distance is near psychotic. Hua Cheng has to reign the wolf inside of him and wait patiently for them to return home. He has the entire evening to capture Xie Lian in a still image, documenting another day of loving him… frantically, savagely…
They turn into the alley, though Xie Lian is far up ahead. Hua Cheng cautiously hangs back, taking his time to step slowly so that he doesn’t run the risk of passing him by, like that time Xie Lian dropped his phone in the bushes. Hua Cheng was driven to madness by how cute that was, but he had no other choice except to dive into the shadows for cover. That was too close. He couldn’t risk it again.
Xie Lian rounds the corner to the slim pathway leading into his estate. During this time, Hua Cheng hangs back. For some reason, he feels more anxious than ever before. He just can’t seem to calm his heart. He blames it on the events of the past few days that have bounced his emotions around. These extreme mood swings and reactions he keeps having are absolutely not normal, and he knows this, but he’s adamantly unwilling to give up on living this kind of life in devotion to Xie Lian. He’s too far in it to imagine anything else. He’s too much in love to accept anything less.
He’s fallen much too deep, waging the violent waters of this crazed obsession, and he wouldn’t want it any other way.
The only thing that would break him would be if Xie Lian was to find out–
“Hey. Excuse me.”
Hua Cheng halts.
His entire body is completely and utterly dead, stiff as a corpse.
Xie Lian had been waiting around the corner of the pathway, seeing with his own eyes how far Hua Cheng had come to follow him.
“I know who you are. And I know what you’re doing.” He confronts.
Hua Cheng’s blood runs cold. For the second time in his life, not since the very first time he saw Xie Lian, his entire sense of self is broken in two.
Oblivious to Hua Cheng’s life currently shattering, Xie Lian simply asks, “There’s a bar just a little up ahead. Would you like a drink with me?”