Work Text:
It was in that welcome amber glow, that time of day when slower thoughts arrived, when Lena discovered something extra in their usual Chinese food order. The sudden sound of her laughter brought Kara to her side, her smile wide and curious. Her hair flared burnished gold in the evening light as she moved across the large windows of her apartment and looked over Lena’s shoulder.
“Oooh nice! Mooncake! I forgot it was that time of year.” Kara chirped happily. “Mr. Guo always includes my special mooncake with my order when the festival comes along. I’m a very good customer… Why’d you laugh?”
Lena shook her head as she smiled. “Because of what’s written on it.”
“Doesn’t it just say ‘harmony’ or ‘long life’ and my name?”
“Well it has the characters that make the sound of your name.” Lena explained. “But that’s not what it means.”
“What do the characters mean then?” Kara asked as she took their orders out of the bag and placed them on the coffee table.
Lena laughed as she pointed out the first character. “This one means ‘punch card’.”
Her tone held another note of laughter as the tell-tale signs of a pout began to form on Kara’s face. Lena pointed to the second character. “That one means ‘pull’.”
“My name means Pull Punch card in Chinese?!” Kara deflated, clearly put out by the concept.
“It’s just the sound of your name, Kara. It’s furthest thing from what your name does mean.”
Kara brightened. “What does my name mean?”
Lena’s hands paused, fingers closing reflexively around the wire of her take-out food box. Her eyes flickered to Kara’s, blue as the saving sky outside her childhood bedroom, deep as the sea that pounded outside the town she used to run through when she had a brief escape from boarding school.
“It means many things.” Lena replied lamely.
“Tell me one of them.”
An unbidden smile rose to her lips as Lena picked one that wouldn’t reveal her burgeoning feelings. “In Ancient Greek it means joy. It means gladness.”
Kara’s face wreathed into the meaning just as the light changed and Lena thought that she had never been so beautiful – her hair in a messy ponytail, her glasses perched delicately on the bridge of her nose, in her blue jeans and a worn spearmint pull-over. Never had Kara looked so soft, nor her pale-pink lips so kissable.
“You bring it wherever you go.” Lena murmured softly under her breath.
Kara cast her eyes away so quickly it was almost as if she had heard her, though Lena knew that was impossible.
“I didn’t know you knew Chinese, or Ancient Greek.” Kara said.
“All products of a Luthor education.” Lena shrugged. “My father believed in a classical education – that learning Greek and Latin would not only give us a more precise understanding of English grammar; it would train us in logic and systematic thinking. Lillian just made sure we were reading the battle strategies of Xenophon and less epic poetry.”
“And the Chinese?”
“Mandarin.” Lena corrected gently. “That came much later. Luthor Corp was transferring most of its manufacturing to Hangzhou, just outside Shanghai. And Lex felt an interpreter shouldn’t be relied on. So I was useful once again.”
Her hollow laugh was cut short by Kara’s hand on top of hers, the pressure gentle but arresting all the same.
“You’re more than what you do, Lena.” Kara said softly. “You’re not just important because you’re useful.”
Lena did her best to smile back, still caught flat-footed whenever Kara would say… would say things like that. The frequency and the depth of it made her chest ache. She held the moment, cherishing it before she jokingly asked what movie she would be subjected to tonight.
Kara came through her office doors a few days later. The caged thing in her chest beat its wings hopelessly against her ribs, scrambling and desperate. Kara burst in like a grenade of sunshine and it robbed her of breath just as she was about to put a piece of the delectable treat from Sam in her mouth.
“Lena Luthor, starting with dessert!” Kara clapped her hands, the bag from Big Belly Burger almost falling from her grasp. “I see I’ve been a good influence on you.”
Lena rolled her eyes. “Hardly. It’s just that this arrived from my friend in Metropolis and I had it toasted so I could eat it right away. I’ve never been able to resist this.”
“What is it?” Kara asked, setting her bags down and peering curiously at the bread braided with chocolate.
“It’s a Babka.” Lena explained. “It’s from the bakery around the corner from Luthor… what used to be L Corp’s headquarters in Metropolis.”
“You used to have it a lot with your friend? When you still lived there?” Kara asked.
Lena marveled at how she never pushed, never tried to pry Lena open. And ended up doing so anyway. She shook her head. “I did have it with her once or twice, but… when I was young, just a few years with the Luthors, I had a lot of extra classes outside of school since Lillian was convinced I was well, not as brilliant as Lex. It was tiring for a six-year-old. I’d finish late enough that it made more sense for the driver to bring me along to pick up my father from work. It was… it was one of the few times that it was just me and my father, without Lillian and Lex. He’d take my hand and we’d walk to the bakery and share a Babka.”
“It’s your favorite food memory.” Kara nodded.
“Well, one of them.” Lena said, trying to steer the conversation to less vulnerable waters. “There was the time I took a short flight to Paris for the weekend, my first solo trip. I had this incredible coffee éclair from a tiny café on the Champs Elysees called Rue Seret. There are also the scones from Byrne’s, a family-owned bakery in Glenageary in south county Dublin, the town my boarding school was in. And when I went to Milan Fashion Week after boarding school with a… a former friend… and had cappuccinos at Pavé.”
“That’s a lot of sweet stuff.” Kara smiled. “How did you turn into this kale-eating person?”
“Because some of us don’t have a reporter’s schedule that allows them to work out as often as you do and still eat like a 16-year-old.” Lena grinned, poking at Kara’s stomach.
Her playful finger was met with an almost unyielding wall of muscle and Lena felt heat crawl up her face at the thought of touching Kara’s abs. Lena pulled her hand away and took in a breath, desperately trying to marshal her thoughts and looking into middle-distance. Kara must have interpreted it as melancholy, because she brought her hand to Lena’s. The warmth of it only adding to the redness in her cheeks.
“What does my name mean?” Kara asked suddenly.
“What?”
“You said it meant many things and you’ve been a lot of places.” Kara smiled. “Does it mean something in Irish? In French? Italian?”
“You know you can google that, right?”
“I like it better when you tell me.” Kara admitted. She spoke quickly, her words hanging on to each other like school children crossing a street. A lock of hair that had escaped from her half-ponytail fell forward from behind her ear as she ducked her head.
Lena fiddled with the cufflink of her white dress shirt, getting it sticky from the small portion of the Babka she had torn off. She took a shallow breath. “Friend.”
“What?”
“Kara means ‘friend’ in Gaelige. In Irish.” Lena said softly.
“Do you know how to say ‘you are my best friend’?”
“Is tú mo chara is fearr.” Lena smiled, emphasizing the word chara and pronouncing it properly as kara.
“You’re mine too.” Kara whispered.
Lena stiffened a little as Kara threw an arm around her, tugging her gently into her side. The scent of strawberries ripening wafted over her, engraving the memory of this unrestrained tenderness inside her. It was the pocket of light in the dark places crammed full with little boxes of pain and longing.
And though she knew better than to trust this, Lena leaned into the embrace. Only their third. The first time a spontaneous act of gratitude. The second had been searingly vulnerable and she couldn’t rid herself of the thought that it had been given out of pity at the obvious signs of her grief for Jack. This. This felt different. Not how it had felt with Andrea. Not how it ever felt with Sam.
Lena shuddered at the immensity of it but that only caused Kara to draw closer, sliding towards her on the couch until Lena was pressed completely to Kara’s side and her shoulders were enveloped in Kara’s arms. She felt a hand come up to her hair, the gentleness of Kara’s touch as she smoothed it down over her shoulder.
“That’s ok, right? Being your best friend?” Kara asked. “You don’t already have one?”
Lena let out a sharp bark of laughter. “I don’t have many real friends, Kara. And no one like you.”
“Well, I take the role very seriously.”
“Yeah… you do.” Lena whispered. “There’s another word… I… Never mind.”
A gentle pressure then, fingers soothing, almost carding through her hair.
“You can tell me. If you want.”
“It’s too sappy.”
“I won’t tell a soul.” Kara’s voice was so evocative that Lena didn’t have to turn her head, she heard the grin on the blonde’s face. “You’re always the strong very much not sappy CEO of L Corp, you can just be Lena with me.”
Lena felt tears brimming in her eyes for some reason and she was scared to blink. “There’s an Irish word – anamchara. Soul friend. The compassionate presence. One of the patron saints of Ireland, St Brigid, once said that anyone without a soul friend is like a body without a head.”
She could feel Kara draw breath at that, hear her heart thump, they were so close together. “You’re like that to me too.”
Lena bristled at that, drawbridge raised and archers ready at the walls.
“You don’t need to say that.”
“I mean it.” Kara said, her tone mild but firm. “I mean it because it’s true. I know you don’t believe me, but I wouldn’t lie to you about that Lena.”
“You shouldn’t lie to me at all.”
“No.” Kara breathed. “I shouldn’t.”
Kara’s arms unwound from Lena’s shoulders. Lena almost moaned at the loss and berated herself for it. She put on the mask of her smirk regardless because Kara was looking at her like she was going to say something more and Lena knew, she knew she couldn’t deal with any more affection.
“Shall we eat? I hate cold fries and they’ll be soggy now too.”
Kara only nodded as she moved away to open the food.
It wasn’t because Kara pouted. Lena would have watched anything with Cate Blanchett in it. She just didn’t have time to watch anything in a theater, and she never saw the point of watching something on opening weekend when she could catch it some other time – preferably when she could stream it at her convenience. Besides, this was the worst possible time to take a break, no matter how short. She had just bought CatCo yesterday to keep it away from that cockroach Edge, she had to turn-over a lot more than planned to Sam who had just arrived from Metropolis, she had tons of paperwork to read through for research into the media industry and into CatCo’s finances in general - plus six calls scheduled with Cat Grant so that she could somehow get her footing. There were the repairs to the Girl of Steel statue that needed her approval as well.
But Kara had pouted. She had returned to CatCo as Lena had asked her to but had been slightly off for weeks, probably since Maggie and Alex decided to get married.
And so here she was, not content with buying the best friend she was secretly in love with a multi-million-dollar company but letting herself be dragged off to an AMC theater on the opening weekend of “Thor: Ragnarok”, and helping Kara carry a mountain of candy aside from her own bucket of popcorn and soda.
They got to their seats and Kara spent five minutes organizing her little zone until it was “just right” and her multitude of snacks were within easy reach. Kara was at her most endearing when she was like this. Lena fussed over life, mulling and chewing on it as she analyzed what things meant and what hidden agendas lay behind the simplest of things. Kara just lived it.
“Do you think Supergirl ever watches these sorts of movies?” Lena asked idly as the traditional movie trailers started playing before the feature. “Or do you think she’d need a break from her job?”
“Um…” Kara paused, her cheeks already stuffed with popcorn. “I think she might. It’s like representation, right? It’s nice to see stories about people like you, who face the same challenges as you.”
“I bet she nitpicks the Marvel movies just as much as you do.” Lena smirked.
Kara gave an awkward laugh.
“I don’t mind it.” Lena said quickly, trying to reassure her. “I think it’s adorable.”
An explosion on one of the movie trailer previews made Kara jump and Lena reached out a hand to squeeze hers briefly. And for some reason Kara didn’t let go, not even when the movie started, choosing to use her other hand to munch at her snacks.
Kara only stopped when the movie was over, taking her hand away to carry their trash to the bin near the door. They walked out of the cinema and Lena blinked at the light.
“Did you like the movie?” Kara asked as they walked towards where Lena had parked.
“It was a fun ride.” Lena nodded, slipping on her sunglasses. “And besides, growing up Luthor means Hela’s rage was understandable and slightly cathartic. God knows I’ve wanted to kill my brother the golden child and possibly destroy the world.”
Kara’s mouth formed into a thin line. “Why do you always joke about that? About how you could be like your family? It’s not funny.”
“It is to me.”
“Lena… you would never do that. You might have thought about it but you wouldn’t. You couldn’t.”
“Well, I haven’t… yet.” Lena replied quietly. “But Kara, I told you. Loss does strange things to me. Pain makes the most terrible things come out of me. And I’m glad you believe that I wouldn’t. On my best days, I think so too. But the truth is I could. I’m capable of it.”
And Kara, dear sweet Kara, looked as if she was gearing up for yet another soliloquy – another TED talk on Lena’s innate kindness – on a goodness Lena knew she didn’t possess. She was always this way, tossing her affections – her loyalty, her faith, as haphazardly as she would cast her encompassing arms around Lena.
So Lena forestalled Kara’s natural inclination and shifted the mood. “Kara is a name of a Valkyrie, you know. Like the character in the movie.”
Blue eyes stilled as Kara’s train of thought was derailed. “I thought they just called her 142? Valkyrie was just the class of warriors, the platoon she was in?”
“It’s more than that in Norse mythology.” Lena explained. “Valkyries were female warriors created by Odin, the choosers of the slain who guide the souls of the dead to his hall - to Valhalla. I read about them in school.”
“And there’s a Kara, in that story you read?”
Lena nodded. “She was ‘high-minded, golden-haired, and white-armed’ with sparkling eyes. When she rode dew fell into the deep valleys, hail in the high woods, the noise of spears grew loud… She… she took no pleasure in men.”
“Well, I can understand that.” Kara said with a rueful smile. “I’ve had enough trouble with them.”
Lena cursed her little gay heart for leaping with hope, and she stumbled on a crack in the sidewalk. Kara’s hand shot out to steady her, her arm warm and sure around Lena’s waist. Lena closed her eyes, feeling incredibly exposed even in her coat and sunglasses. Kara’s hand dropped from her waist and took her hand instead.
“What happened to Kara? In the story?”
“Uh… well… she was fierce and wise. And alone. Until one day she became the lover of Helgi – a warrior who charmed his enemies in battle by enchanting them with song. She protected him until the very day that they were both slain in glorious battle. The myths say that their love was so great that they never went to Valhalla. They were reincarnated, and each time they found each other.”
Lena started walking again, holding Kara’s hand gently in hers. Desperate to keep the conversation going before Kara caught on to her internal flailing and pulled away.
“Your name means ‘wild, stormy one’ in ancient Norse.” Lena said softly.
Kara paused in thought. “I think I’m like that, I just… I hide it away. Sometimes I think when I get tough, I could go too far.”
“Well, you are getting meatier articles assigned to you now. Your writing’s always been impassioned, but you always keep your journalistic integrity and objectivity. You’re really growing into it. I should know, I’ve read every article of yours that’s ever been published.”
Lena could almost feel the warmth in Kara’s cheeks radiate into the hand she still held in her own.
“It’s not with my writing, it’s… sometimes all the emotions I have inside come out and I could say things in a way that I don’t mean… I mean, not really.”
“Kara, everyone loses their temper sometimes. And you never have with me, even though I have given you more than enough reason to be impatient - especially with my toxic schedule. You’ve always been insistent that I take care of myself, but you’ve never been rough with me.” Lena paused, and then she let loose the words just on the off chance that Kara was in the least bit interested. “Although, in certain situations some roughness is pleasurable.”
Kara choked as if she had eaten chalk and adjusted her glasses, the skin on her face turning pink. Many years later, Lena would remember this as the moment she started flirting with Kara openly, if only to see her so flustered. But in that moment, Lena chuckled and decided to have mercy on her. “Is this about your sister? Because Alex and Maggie are engaged?”
“No, I…”
Kara’s sentence petered off as she gave that little jump she always did when her phone vibrated in her pocket. The young reporter took it out and when she cocked her head to the side in that tell-tale way, as if someone was talking in her ear, Lena knew that the afternoon was over.
“Speak of the devil.” Lena smiled.
“What?”
“You only look like that when you’re about to dash off, for Snapper or for Alex.” Lena said. “I can drop you off if you’d like?”
“No it’s on the other side of town - Alex is, I mean, for some reason and I bet you’re going to the office?”
“Guilty as charged.”
“Ok well, I really gotta go. See you soon, Lena.”
And Lena began to let go of Kara’s hand but the other woman kept hold of it, pulling her quickly into an all-too-brief hug that caused heat to radiate through her body. Lena went on auto-pilot as she strode in the direction of her car, her cheeks as flushed as Kara’s had been.
“What I did wasn’t personal.” Lena stated flatly as she stopped moving through the mindscape.
Alex scoffed. “You had a stash of ‘Kills Kryptonians’, Lena. It’s personal.”
“I would never use it for that.” Lena retorted. “You know that.”
Supergirl took a deep breath. “I thought I knew everything I needed to know, but you have secrets. It changes things.”
“Oh, right, you don’t like secrets.” Lena said stiffly.
“Nope, I don’t.”
“Good. What’s your real name?”
Supergirl paused. “That’s… not a great question for a Luthor to ask someone in my family.”
“You have secrets.” Lena replied. “I can get on board with that. I have secrets too… We all do. Alex didn’t tell me she was really DEO, I didn’t tell her when I discovered what Sam really was even if Alex was the first person who did tests on her… It doesn’t mean we can’t work together.”
Alex sighed. “We don’t just work together, Lena. We’re friends.”
The hollow laugh Lena let out was clearly not what either the Kryptonian or Alex expected. “You’re the sister of my best friend. Of course, I’m friendly to you. It’s so important to Kara. And Supergirl, you’re not just National City’s hero, you’re Kara’s friend too.”
An uncomfortable look passed between the two of them but Lena soldiered on, clutching at the pointed stick in her hands a little tighter. “Kara doesn’t keep secrets from me, not big ones… not like so many people do. Do you know what she does when people’s huge secrets, when my own secrets, bear down on me? She asks me to tell her the meaning of her name.”
“Does she?” Alex asked in an oddly quiet voice, almost soft.
“I think she does it to distract me. And honestly, I’m running out of languages so I have to look it up soon… Look my point is that I do have friends, and you know both of them. She and Sam, they’re the only people in my life I can depend on.” Lena stated. “So let’s work together to get Sam back.”
They trudged on through the murky mindscape and Supergirl broke the quiet in a low voice.
“There is a power to names where I am from, Lena. We didn’t celebrate birthdays, living another year was sort of expected. We did have key anniversaries of the day we were named: at 12 years, and at 36. Our names conveyed all the hopes our family had for us. My name… my true name… it’s not something I take lightly.”
Lena paused as she heard a rustle to the left of them. “You can drop it, Supergirl. I made my point.”
“I haven’t made mine.” The Kryptonian insisted. “Look… I… I would like to be friends. I already consider you a friend. But I do want to tell you my name one day.”
“You do?” Alex interrupted.
“Yes.” Supergirl said firmly. “I do.”
A dark shape flitted across the dead trees, like a moving shroud. It let out a low unearthly sibilance that made the hair on the back of Lena’s neck rise. The three of them moved into a defensive formation, with Alex taking point as she had the most training with weapons and Supergirl didn’t have her powers. Lena shifted the stick in her hands, holding it like a fencing saber. She swept all the extraneous thoughts in her mind away just as she used to before she had a match on the piste, just like all the tournaments she had won.
A shockingly white fanged thing materialized, empty curved sockets were there in place of eyes. It disappeared quickly and Lena let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding.
“What the hell was that?”
Alex glowered. “The reason we have sticks.”
The specter materialized closer to them, and Alex launched her stick at it like a spear. It dematerialized before it could do any damage.
“That’s a Kryptonian demon. I’ve seen them before.” Supergirl declared with wide eyes. “That’s where they went. We’re running out of time.”
Alex pointed a little to the right. “I think I see an entrance over there.”
Lena marched behind the two of them, her thoughts only on Sam.
HOPE had booked overnight accommodation at the Ritz Carlton in Tokyo, walking distance from her meeting at the Mori Tower. The AI had even pencil booked a massage for her, just in case. Lena wasn’t stupid enough to deny she needed one. Her back had ached, protesting at the strain of being ramrod straight as if she had taken a nine-and-a-half-hour flight in coach, instead of using her portal watch. Her jaw hurt from being clenched tight, unmovable from the moment she had left Supergirl encased in kryptonite and ice.
She had to keep moving. Her friends – NO they had never been Lena’s – Supergirl’s friends would find her soon enough. Still it was efficient of the AI to book the hotel, if she were incapacitated - if she let herself give in to her emotions, then her plan would fail. HOPE was efficient, provided the nudges for Lena’s self-care without emotion – without sentiment, without the affection that her life had proven time and again she could never trust. Because it was only a matter of time. Veronica, Andrea… Supergirl. No more lessons were needed. If Jack hadn’t betrayed her, it was only because he had died before doing so. Even Sam could not be trusted.
It was a basic flaw in humanity, an error that she could now correct.
The chips that could handle the computing power of Non Nocere were prototypes at a secure lab. They needed to be stolen and there was only one person who could get them for her.
“Shuji-san.” Lena inclined her body in a slight bow, just enough to convey the proper amount of respect.
The bow was returned by the force behind the Sumiyoshi-kai, the second largest yakuza group in Japan. Shuji Ogawa was an associate of Lex’s. Lena had thought she would have problems when she divested LCorp of all its underworld dealings, and she had them in spades as a carousel of assassination attempts from the Bratva, the Camorra, and other more home-grown interests were a part of her quarterly routine. But not from Shuji. The yakuza had politely concluded its dealings with the corporation but had apparently kept its relationship with Lex.
“A pleasure to see you for the second time, Lena-san.” The older Japanese man favored her with a polite smile. “Thank you for agreeing to meet me in person. There are facets of our business deal that are delicate and better discussed face-to-face.”
“I am happy to make the accommodation but my timelines for this project are quite tight.” Lena replied.
He indicated a corridor of the museum they were in with his hand, and Lena sighed as she walked towards the exhibits alongside him. To any other casual observer, Lena was simply a business tourist being shown around by a rather rotund middle-aged executive. Only the quality of their suits, which ran into the tens of thousands of dollars, would have clued anyone in to the magnitude of the deal.
“The product you requested is in a briefcase, lead lined as you stipulated.” Shuji said as they pretended to glance at a large canvas painted entirely with ink, its whorls and swirls nearly writhing in a barely contained fury of longing. “I will give you the claim tag before this meeting is over.”
“I appreciate your timely procurement. You will, of course, understand that I must test it before I transfer payment.” Lena replied.
“Please take what time you need.”
Which meant that Lena would be followed. It was a good thing she had the portal watch. She’d have to check in to the hotel after all, portal straight to the bunker at Mount Norquay, make sure Shuji hadn’t cheated her, transfer the money, and portal back to the hotel to keep up appearances. Bothersome but necessary.
“What can I do for you Shuji-san?”
“I regret to say that the sosai, the Chairman, is not aging well. I have great plans for the organization that I would like to see to fruition. Due to recent troubles, I find myself in need of an investor.”
Lena nodded. Isao Seki was in his seventies and Shuji must have been chomping at the bit to replace him. Seki had anticipated this, and Shuji had been arrested. He was freshly out on bail to the tune of $19 million. He needed money for his war chest, and Lena would have to contribute to it if she wanted the chips. Such brute mendacity was so typical, but Non Nocere would fix that and she could recoup the money at some point.
They haggled politely, in the round-about way that saved face for both parties, for twenty minutes. By the time they had fixed on a price, they had walked through most of the museum.
“Allow me to transfer my investment immediately, since it is separate from my acquisition of the product.” Lena said as she pressed a few buttons on her phone to order HOPE to do just that.
Shuji gave an appreciative hum, clearly not expecting a gaijin to behave properly. He was thanking her just as they rounded a corner and Lena stiffened, coming to an abrupt stop. Shuji looked at what had stunned her and gave her an honest smile.
“Ah the new exhibit. Please take the time to enjoy it. I find it sublime.”
He presented the claim tag for the briefcase as he bowed. It was all Lena could do to move her body through the expected proprieties.
“Please excuse me, but what does that mean?” Lena said, nodding her head at the word emblazoned at the entrance to the next exhibit.
“Kara?” The older man replied. “It means emptiness.”
“How fitting.” Lena’s voice was numb and she could feel her jaw clenching painfully again. “Which way is the exit?”
“Through the exhibit, Lena-san. The baggage room is there as well. I must walk on ahead, but do linger over the art.”
Shuji took another bow and sped off, moving with an alacrity one would not expect of someone his size and age.
Lena took a deep breath and put the claim tag in the pocket of her slacks. She took determined steps forward. She really didn’t have the time. But a little voice inside her said she had saved a lot by coming via portal, a few minutes might not hurt. Besides, who sped through a museum? It would look suspicious.
So she gazed at the paintings and sculpture, each one of them beautiful for what was not there as opposed to what was. Each one of them perfectly lit and a unique exploration of negative space. Beautiful in a way that Lena almost resented for what they lacked.
She moved to the next room and saw the exact same pieces, only this time the gaps were filled with different things. One painting had the empty spaces filled with the wrappers and empty containers of different kinds of junk food. Another was bulging, the artist had added papier-mâché in the gaps and painted multiple forms of the world’s currency on it in a riot of color.
Lena was standing near a sculpture whose gaps were filled with transparent pipes through which a thick, syrupy, deep red liquid flowed. That was when she sensed it – the faint smell of strawberries ripening and the heat that radiated off a body that was not human. It set her teeth on edge. When her words came, they were biting.
“It’s not on me, if that’s what you’re here for.”
The alien’s voice was low, serious, just like it had been in that dark mindscape when they searched for Sam. “I just came to talk.”
“To what strategic end?”
“Lena-“
“Don’t go on a tirade about who I am.” Lena growled, her words a warning shot past the Kryptonian’s ear. “I told you. You don’t ever… EVER… get to tell me who and what I am. Not anymore.”
“I just want to explain. I meant what I said at the Pulitzer ceremony. I was afraid and I was cowardly. I wanted to be just-“
“Don’t. You. Dare.” Lena said turning to face her abruptly. “Don’t you dare say that name again. I never want to hear it. I’m sorry I ever heard it.”
The alien staggered back as if she had backhanded her across the face.
“It means emptiness. It means nothingness.” Lena hissed. “It doesn’t mean a thing to me anymore, do you understand?”
Tears sprang to both of their eyes and the Kryptonian did something unthinkable. She took Lena’s hand. Despite using all her strength Lena couldn’t pull away as she was led into the next room. A small part of her shuddered at the power in that touch, a power that had always been held back until now.
“Look at it, Lena.”
And despite herself, Lena did look.
The same art. The same paintings and sculptures – filled with lacquer in silver, platinum, and gold. Lovingly mended and made richer for it. Kintsugi, Lena realized, a uniquely Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold… the fine gold that called to mind soft hair and radiant smiles.
“I know… I know it won’t ever be the same.” The alien whispered. “But it can be something again if you let it. It might take some time and the meaning will be different, but it will be there. Please… please just let it mean something again.”
Lena shook her head, suddenly tired beyond anything she had ever experienced.
“There’s still a chance, Lena.” Her voice was plaintive now, desperate. “You can return Myriad and we can put this-“
And she did that little jump again, tilted her head a little… only now Lena knew it was because she had comms. Maybe in the studs in her ears, maybe in her glasses.
“Leave.” Lena said with finality.
“I wouldn’t but-“
Lena refused to stay for whatever farce they were playing out, she walked through the exhibit, picked up the briefcase with the chips she came for, and marched out of the museum. She got into the elevator and was thankful it would take a while to descend from the tower, because she knew she wouldn’t be able to resist gazing at the blur of blue and red in the sky. To hell with subtlety, she thought as she made her way to the hotel room to portal straight to the bunker. She’d deal with everything else afterwards.
She let herself say the name anyway. It was clutch time at Mount Norquay. She’d disarmed the Kryptonite cannons, because she wouldn’t kill anyone… no matter how much they’d hurt her. Supergirl had flown off but then her hologram appeared. The hologram showed tears in the Kryptonian’s eyes and despite it all, Lena felt her bottom lip tremble.
“I am good. And I always was. Lex didn’t change me, and you didn’t change me either. You just exposed me to the ugliness of humanity. You did me a favor, Kara. I learned what kind of deceitful person you really are, and that’s what inspired me to do this.”
“Lena…”
Her voice was the most heartfelt Lena had ever heard, and even as a hologram she could sense the torrents of pain beneath it. But she had pain too. Lena grabbed on to it as she turned away.
“Your words mean nothing to me anymore.” Lena said as she punched commands into the keypad. “Spare us both the drama… and leave me alone.”
She would fix humanity and then destroy Myriad. She knew about the ion blockers but had modified Non Nocere to overcome them. She knew that Kara and some other alien species wouldn’t be affected. But she would figure out how to deal with that in Phase II.
It was twilight on a new Earth, that shifting time between the heat of the afternoon and the slow cooling of evening. She had knocked on Kara’s door nervously and faced a coldness, a hardness in her expression that would never have been directed at her all those months ago. Another time. Another planet.
Kara had turned her back on her, moved into the apartment, grabbed onto a dining room chair. Lena took it as permission to enter and closed the door behind her. She moved a few steps inside, but the expression on Kara’s face made her stop three feet away. Kara’s other hand was on her hip and Lena tried to gather herself for what she was about to do.
“I have made a terrible mistake. I was hurt. I was so hurt. And... I thought I could get rid of the hurt. I thought that I knew better that I could make the world a better place. But I was wrong. That hurt, um…” Lena swallowed. “It took me down a dark, dark path… where I was blind to what I was really doing, to what I'd become.”
Kara’s face remained impassive as she shifted her stance, the weight of her gaze nearly pinning Lena to where she stood.
Lena’s voice broke. “You were right. This whole time I became a villain, and then...”
Kara frowned and folded her arms across her chest.
“I'm not looking for forgiveness. I'm... I know what I said, and I know what I did, but I am...” Lena wrestled her tears back down. “I am really hoping that you will believe me right now. Okay? Lex is working with Leviathan, and they are going to use Obsidian to do something terrible... using the system that I made with my project.”
Lena’s voice had faded to a whisper at the end of that sentence, but she pushed forward. “I didn't know I was helping them, but I did. And... Now I want to help stop them, so... please, okay? I want to help stop Lex and Leviathan.”
Kara was silent for long moments. She looked away, out the window and onto the city, and Lena watched her jaw tremble. She took a deep breath and pulled out the chair she had been holding.
“Sit down.”
Lena couldn’t help but close her eyes briefly as relief washed over her like a gentle wave. She gave a little nod and moved to take the seat she was offered.
Kara walked away, as if she still couldn’t stand to be near her. Lena knew she deserved that.
They froze there, as the evening began to smother the hues of daylight. Only their breathing would have told an observer that the tableau was a living one. Lena fiddled with her hands nervously, not daring to break the silence, fearing the deserved rebuke that seemed poised in the air like an executioner’s axe. She heard Kara walk slowly, moving around the dinner table until she was silhouetted and backlit by the dying of the light.
Kara refused to look at her, but her words came like stalactites falling from a glacier… cold. Deadly if you were caught beneath them.
“My cousin came here when he was a baby. He knows his Kryptonian name but I’m the only one who ever uses it. He goes by the name his adopted parents gave him. That human name is his true name, more than what he was given by our family on Krypton… I kept my name for that reason.” Kara said as she looked over the city, the planet she had sworn to protect. “My name is the last vestige of my world.”
“But what about Argo?” Lena asked quietly, but Kara silenced her with an impatient sweep of her arm.
“Not the last part of Krypton, the last part of my world. My world, Lena. The world of a thirteen-year-old girl. My name is an eternal reminder of a life that is no longer possible. My name is all the things that live only in me. I kept it so that somehow it would still be alive, so that when people said it, I could still be whole.”
The silence had even more weight to it now, and Lena hadn’t thought that was possible.
“When you called me Kara, you called me by my true name. It’s not just the sound of it. It’s not phonetics. When you said my name, it was true. It held the meaning and the depth of it.” Kara’s voice broke. “And then you told me you never wanted to hear it again. You told me you regretted ever hearing it. You told me it meant nothing.”
“I’m-“
“No, you listen to me for once in your life.” Kara said whirling on her, eyes as wild and stormy as the Valkyrie that bore her name. “You have no idea what I have done to get through to you, what I have tried to do to fix… There is a part of me that doesn’t even want to hear you say my name anymore. Do you know how hard that… how much that…”
Lena watched as the silence ate Kara’s words as the Pulitzer Prize winning writer roiled in righteous anger.
“That is the last time I will talk about the past. Do you understand? All that matters now is the threat ahead of us and how we’re going to stop it.”
Alex and the rest of the team burst through the door and Lena put her hands up in surrender. And Lena watched as Kara stepped in front of her, protected her again. And Lena watched as Kara squealed in delight at Alex’s new suit, just the way she used to when they came across a particularly cute puppy or a new delectable pastry. And she saw Kara smile again. Not at her, but it was something that she didn’t know she had been missing. And so Lena watched.
They rode on a bus to Luthor Corp, and the driver waved hello to Kara and said he hadn’t seen her for a while. Lena wondered if Kara had been a regular, on the old earth… on this earth. If she had taken the bus to L Corp to see her so often that the bus driver knew her.
Lena hadn’t been on a bus since her last field trip at Mount Helena’s, and this was NC Transit not a cushy tour bus for spoiled and wealthy teenagers. The suspension was terrible and her spine and tailbone felt every pothole and bump in the road. Kara sat in the seat across from her, staring out the window. Probably worried about the decoys. Lena remembered a time when they would sit beside each other, close together. Another time. Another earth.
They got off the bus in front of Luthor Corp, and Kara looked up at the sky with piercing anxiety. In that moment, Lena saw the strain - the worry that Kara must have carried with her all this time, the true weight on her shoulders that she had hidden as Kara Danvers and sublimated as Supergirl. In that moment, Lena saw someone different but someone she… she still loved.
Lena reached out for her on instinct, her fingertips barely brushing the hero’s before she came to her senses. But she did say her name, the sound forming in her mouth and the air rushing through her neck as natural as breathing. She said her name and it came off raw, as if she had been out of practice.
Kara’s head snapped towards her and there was an emotion that flew across her face. A softness and a gratitude that Lena had craved for close to a year. She almost let out a whimper when the look faded out into steel.
On the first day, none of them were fooled by Kara’s brittle attempts at cheerfulness now that she was back from the Phantom Zone. Though they were all worried and Kelly had to stop Alex from brow-beating her sister into letting her come and take care of her, they had let Kara go home alone.
On the second day, when Alex came to check on her, she found the door locked. She had called out to Kara and hadn’t received an answer. Then Alex tried her key. The lock turned but she found she couldn’t push the door open, even when she put her full strength behind it. She’d tried shouting for Kara again, so loudly that some of her neighbors opened their doors and looked into the hallway in annoyance.
That was apparently when it became clear to Alex that she wasn’t going to get in, which is why she was now sitting on a bar stool in Lena’s penthouse.
Lena exhaled slowly. “Well, the solution is simple. J’onn can phase through the walls. He’s done it before.”
“You think my sister would rather see J’onn?”
“I thought…” Lena paused. “He could phase you in with him and then phase out?”
Alex gave Lena a pointed and frustrated stare. “Look if she wanted to see me, she wouldn’t have blocked the door. That leaves you using the portal or J’onn using his powers. And it’s not J’onn she’d want.”
Lena picked at a hangnail uncertainly.
“She needs you, Lena.” Alex said, playing her trump card as she pushed a box of sugary donuts into the hands of the youngest Luthor. “Let her know that I’m here when she’s ready.”
She shut the door behind Alex and threw a few things in a tote bag before picking up the box of donuts. She opened a portal to the apartment she knew better than her own.
Lena nearly stumbled over the shards of a serving plate. The tall green cabinet that held the extra dishes that Kara used for parties had been moved to cover the front door, and all the dishes had either fallen out or been thrown down. Some of the mason jar lights that hung from the ceiling were also broken. Books were on the floor. The curtains that framed the large windows were torn and the cheery little throw pillows on the couch seemed to have been ripped apart.
Lena stepped gingerly around the detritus of Kara’s pain, clearing a space on the kitchen counter to put down her tote bag and the box of donuts. She tried to control the ache in her chest as she made her way to the bedroom. Lena found her under a pile of torn blankets and pillow feathers, still in her suit, whispering brokenly in a language she couldn’t understand.
“Kara.” She breathed softly.
Lena knelt beside the bed, the dull pain compelling her to reach out to Kara. She stopped at the last moment, her hand hovering just above the mumbling woman’s shoulder. Kara’s eyes seemed to focus on her. Recognition dawned.
“Lena.” Kara’s voice was hoarse. “Ndivi sem ehwor waila.”
Lena put her hand on Kara’s shoulder, and the blonde’s body trembled under her fingers. “I don’t understand, Kara. But let’s get you out of your suit first, ok? You’ll feel better.”
Lena slowly helped the prone hero up from the bed. Kara was as pliant as a sick child. Lena helped her take off her suit, looking away so she wouldn’t violate Kara’s privacy as she maneuvered limp limbs into a pair of pajamas she grabbed from the closet. When she finished and had gotten Kara back in her bed, Kara’s eyes were glazed. Her breath hitched and the blonde’s hands curled into fists around the duvet as tears leapt from her tightly shut eyes, drawing tracks down her cheeks and tracing her jaw before dripping onto the sheets.
Lena moved to get her a glass of water when she felt a desperate hand on her leg.
“Zha rrhosh.” Kara whispered plaintively. “Stay.”
“You need to drink something, eat something.”
“Stay.” Kara repeated.
Lena sat down on the bed and Kara looped her arms around her tentatively. The engineer felt her body being tugged down, so she lay beside Kara. Her left hand was captured by the Kryptonian’s, warm… warmer than anyone else’s. Kara brought it to her chest, right over where Lena knew the symbol on her suit would have been, right over her heart. Tears continued to cascade slowly down Kara’s face as she tugged Lena closer until their entire bodies were slotted together.
It was the first time Kara had hugged her in over a year and it made the ache in Lena’s chest spill over into tears.
“It’s ok, Kara. I’m right here, ok? Everything will be fine now. I’m right here and you’re going to get through this.”
“Lena.”
“Let’s just breathe, ok? Slowly. Easy. Just do the best you can.”
Kara nodded. The little tilt of her chin finally let Lena know that she would try even as she sobbed into her shoulder.
“It’s ok, it’s ok darling, I’ve got you.” Lena promised, holding Kara tight as she sobbed until there was nothing left, until Kara looked empty. Blue eyes met hers as Kara’s chest heaved and her face crumpled.
“You don’t have to be strong now, Kara.” Lena exhaled. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, just like you’ve taught me that I don’t have to be strong all the time. I’ve got you. And I’m not going anywhere.”
Kara only shook her head, limp curls swaying in the changing light.
“Ndivi. Waila.” She choked out. “Tell me who I am.”
“You’re Kara.” Lena said slowly, her voice filled with emotion. “You are the joy and gladness that you bring. Being with you is like the sun shining only for me. You are a friend - a shelter from the coldness of life. You are the friend of my soul. You always have been, even when we were… apart and in pain. You are the wild, stormy one – your righteousness and courage inspire the good and frighten the evil. You are never more fierce than when someone has wanted to harm me. You are the last part of a loving child’s world, and you pieced together the spirit that was broken when I was a child. Without you… these last few months without you…”
The year without you. Lena shuddered as she put her own feelings firmly aside and continued.
“Any time without you is emptiness… you leave a void when you go. Because you are bright and warm and… deliriously alive. I… I was bereft without you. I didn’t know how very much I… You mean so…” Lena closed her eyes. “Your name means beloved, Kara. It’s the most common meaning that comes to mind because it’s from the Latin that underpins so many languages. At the heart of it all, your name means beloved. And you are, Kara, you are so loved. More than I could ever say, more than you will ever know.”
Lena opened her eyes, her anxiety exploding out of the little boxes she had put them in, only to find Kara breathing deeply. An exhausted sleep had claimed her at last. Lena sighed, allowing herself to take this fragile moment – the first time in a long time that Kara had held her, the first time that they had ever been so intimately intertwined.
When she woke in the valley of midnight, it was because Kara was screaming. She narrowly avoided having an arm broken as she rolled off the bed on instinct, landing on the floor with a thud. Heat vision singed through the air and scorched the ceiling before Kara sat up wildly and the deadly light from her eyes melted a windowpane.
Kara seemed to come to herself in an instant and Lena felt those strong sure arms lift her from the floor and into Kara’s lap, against her chest heaving with fear.
“Lena, are you hurt? Did I…? Oh Rao!”
“Shhhh. I’m ok. We’re both ok.”
“My heat vision, I-“
“At most you killed a pigeon.” Lena soothed.
Kara hadn’t seemed to hear. Her eyes and hands ran over Lena’s body, both coming to rest on the skin of Lena’s thigh, bare under her shorts. Kara’s fingers stroked her thigh, just where it was tender, and Lena gasped at the contact. Desire and heat suffused her body, climbing upwards from that barest of touches.
“The capillaries are broken.”
“It’s just a bruise.” Lena squeaked, flailing internally as she tried to stabilize her emotions. “I’m ok.”
She tried to get up, to focus on getting Kara some water and some nutrition, to focus on Kara instead of her own careening feelings. Kara only held her closer, tucked her head into Lena’s neck as her breath ghosted over her skin. Kara’s voice was small.
“Stay.”
And Lena did.
Lena stayed that night, holding Kara close. She threaded her hands softly through the blonde tresses, massaging the skin beneath it until the tightness drained from Kara’s body and her heart rate crept down. Lena stayed until the sun streamed down in the meshes of the morning. Lena stayed as she coaxed and sometimes dragged Kara to hydrate, to eat, to shower. Lena stayed to bring Kara back to health over the next few days.
Lena stayed so long she knew the look in Kara’s eyes before the plaintive Kryptonian words ever left her mouth, and she told Kara all that she meant, all that she truly was.
Lena stayed and brought Kara back to herself over the many days that the hero pretended to be ok. As she struggled against the gauntlets or the long littleness of life. They had come to a quiet domesticity and if Alex or the rest of the team ever caught sight of them – Lena wrapped in Kara’s arms, her hand over Kara’s heart, speaking softly – they said nothing. If they realized it seemed like Lena was holding Kara up more than the dark-haired engineer was seeking comfort in the hug, they never mentioned it to Lena.
Lena stayed. She, more than anyone, knew the weight of the hero’s new secrets. The kind of secrets you hide from yourself, the secrets the people who care about you wouldn’t want to know because they wouldn’t know how to help you bear them.
Through it all, through the final battle with Lex and Lillian’s death, through the loss of any illusion that she might have held that she wasn’t utterly alone, Lena stayed.
Kara had asked her to spend the next day with her, pushing her glasses up on her face with a tone that was so oddly determined. Lena had turned to her as she finished waving at the brides who had just left their wedding. She smiled and accepted. Wedding preparation had taken over Kara’s days and Lena’s long calls with Sam about how to restructure Luthor Corp once again had taken over hers. It had felt odd not to see Kara for that long. It hadn’t felt good at all.
So when Kara had showed up at her penthouse in a button-down shirt and chinos - Lena had to stop herself from grabbing onto her like a koala. Instead, Kara lifted a wool coat out of Lena’s closet and handed it to her.
“What’s this for?”
Kara smiled. “I was wondering if you would open a portal for us to the Fortress.”
Lena could only nod. There weren’t many good memories of the Fortress of Solitude and of all the places that Kara would take her, she hadn’t expected this.
“Open the portal here.” Kara said, handing her a post-it with the exact coordinates.
Kara took her hand as they stepped through the purple glow and Lena shivered at the sudden change in temperature. They were in a cavernous central area, the walls had crystals ensconced in them – like the crystals that Kara had left her hologram messages in. There were more than Lena could have counted in a lifetime and the walls seem to reach up to the sun god that Kara believed in.
After letting her take it all in, Kara led her gently to a large console and placed her hand flat on one of the panels. It was warm to the touch, and it glowed briefly.
“Welcome, Lena Luthor, to the Kryptonian archives.” Kara said softly. “Outside of Argo, this is the largest repository of Kryptonian knowledge in the universe. Before now, only three people had access to it. I’ve been meaning for years to make you the fourth.”
Lena balked at the enormity of this gift, this part of Kara that she had been so willingly given.
“When our parents sent us into space, they included technology in our pods that would terraform an area and unpack all these crystals on our new home. My cousin put his here, in the Arctic. When I came, he offered to add what I was sent with. I didn’t come here for years… the pain was too great. He had come to Earth as a baby, he’s more human than Kryptonian… I… I felt like the last.” Kara cleared her throat. “It’s programmed for English, and it recognizes your DNA now. You can ask the archive anything – science, engineering, all the technological advancements we had… anything. Just say ‘Archive’ and state your request.”
Lena ran her fingers over the smooth console gently before speaking.
“Archive, what does the name ‘Kara’ mean?”
There was a chirp of acknowledgment before a figure dressed in flowing robes shimmered into being before her and answered. “Kara is the name of an ancient member of the pantheon in the mythology of Krypton. She was the goddess of beauty. Not mere physical beauty, but the beauty within the soul – the beauty of devotion and of a life well lived.”
She turned to Kara with a smile, placing her hand gently on the hero’s chest. “Your name means beauty and devotion.”
Gentle arms wrapped around her waist as Kara pulled her closer. Lena’s arm wound diagonally across Kara’s back out of habit.
“All the questions you could have asked, and you chose that one?” Kara husked.
Lena shrugged. “It was the most important one to me.”
She shivered again as Kara dropped her head; she heard her name breathed softly against her cheek. “Will you come with me? There’s one more thing I want to share with you. Something more important.”
Lena trembled. “What could be more important than this? I can’t believe you’re trusting me with this, after all that I… This… this isn’t just a repository of advanced technology, Kara. It’s who you are.”
Kara shook her head. “This is where I’m from. The place I’ll take you next is who I am.”
Their bodies unwound from each other naturally, tenderly. Just as if their embrace had transformed into a moving one, their fingers intertwined. It seemed no less intimate than being in Kara’s arms.
Lena followed Kara out of the archive as a door of pure ice seemed to slide open and close behind them seamlessly. They stopped in front of an archway with a few Kryptonian characters, Lena watched Kara run her hands over them lovingly before pressing a hidden panel that must have also been keyed to her DNA.
Where the rest of the fortress had been blue and cold, almost a tomb, the area they stepped into was bathed in a warm red light. Everything seemed touched by a beautiful sunset, from the taupe color of a strange carpet to the solid arches and mysterious curved paneling that held alcoves of things that Lena couldn’t identify. There was a low but varied hum of distant voices mixed with crackling, murmuring, and whooshing sound. Then there was a rich smell that seemed like coffee and unknown spices, overlayed by a floral scent that clearly came from the only plant in the room. Its pink blossoms were the only color among white furniture.
Kara let her take it all in as she stepped through a doorway. When she returned, she was in a flowing white robe, panels cut out and covered in sheer fabric around the collar and the sleeves. The glyph of the House of El was embossed on her chest.
Lena let the radiant vision draw her to a wide raised platform that surprised her with its softness as she sat down.
“This is my part of the fortress.” Kara said. “No one is allowed in here. I’ve never taken anyone. You’re the first. It’s… it’s my room, from before. I thought of recreating all of it, my entire home. Rao knows I have all the space. My father’s lab, my mother’s office, my school, the children’s center where my friend Thara and I played. But it seemed too painful for all of it to be empty. This… this I could handle.”
Lena put her head on Kara’s shoulder and squeezed her hand gently, wanting to communicate that she couldn’t really understand the grief but that she was there for her.
“I built this with data from the crystals, with my own memories, and with a lot of help from Kelex. I did it a few months before I met you. I don’t think I ever told you but my Aunt and her husband escaped from the Phantom Zone, they were imprisoned in Fort Rozz for terrorism – for using violent means to make Kryptonians see that we were destroying our planet. When my pod escaped the Phantom Zone, the prison followed in its path. When they got here they modified their mission. They wanted to save Earth by bringing humanity to its knees. They were going to use Myriad.”
Lena gasped, still sensitive about that word – that device, and all that it entailed.
“Alex had to… Alex had to kill her. I came too late. I… I watched the light of Rao die in her eyes, Lena. She was the last of my family, as far as I knew, and she was my Jeju – my mother’s identical twin. Watching her die was like seeing my Jeju die.” Kara brushed at her eyes with her other hand. “The reason I came too late was because my uncle subdued me with an alien parasite called a Black Mercy. It makes you dream of a perfect fantasy world while it feeds on you, until there is nothing left. This… this place… Krypton is what I dreamed of.”
“Oh Kara.” Lena whispered, placing both of her arms around the hero. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s alright. It turned out ok because… because I realized something. I knew the archives had as much data that the House of El could cram into it, but without this…” Kara motioned with her hand. “I couldn’t communicate what Krypton was actually like. I couldn’t share it with anyone. And it’s more important than ever that I do.”
“Why?”
“Astra and Non, my aunt and uncle, they came out of the Phantom Zone with such cold rage, such ruthlessness. They forgot the virtues of Kryptonian society, they lost the values of their houses. When I got back… at first I couldn’t believe I was home… but then as it seemed more and more real I was worried that I had changed too. And each time I was afraid, you told me who I was.”
Lena found herself being lifted up gently and placed sideways on Kara’s lap, the Kryptonian’s hands soft in her loose jet-black hair and running down her back. She felt her blood draining from every limb and rushing to her face as her heart shot up to her larynx. This was achingly intimate, more than being snuggled next to her on the couch, even more than sharing Kara’s bed on the nights she struggled. Lena flushed and began to stammer out that she was happy to be there when Kara needed it, but a finger was placed gently on her lips.
“You always leave out the last part though.” Kara whispered. “That first night I was back… I thought I had dreamed it, but you only say all of the meanings when you think I’m asleep. Sometimes I try to pretend I am, just to hear you say the last meaning of my name.”
“From Carus, in Latin, it means dear.” Lena replied, her voice equally soft.
“That’s not what you say.”
“I call you darling.”
Kara’s smile shone brighter than the simulated light of Rao around them and the sunlight outside the fortress. “You do. You’ve called me that when we’re alone ever since I got back. But that’s not what you say when you tell me who I am.”
“Kara…”
“I’m asking because I’ve been thinking about a lot of things while I was helping with the final wedding prep… and at the reception I got a call from Cat Grant asking me to come on as an Editor-at-Large, giving me the flexibility to be Supergirl and Kara Danvers at the same time. It’s more than I dreamed of, but it wasn’t enough.” Kara said. “And it dawned on me then why I didn’t feel waila… why I didn’t feel wholeness and I never have… why I didn’t pass the courage gauntlet. I’ve always been so afraid to be myself, to reveal myself fully to anyone… to leave myself vulnerable to deep pain and loss. I don’t want to live that way anymore.”
Lena’s brow creased in worry. “Are you… do you want to have a single identity? Do you want everyone to know?”
“No.” Kara said simply. “I want you to know. All of it, at last. I want you to know.”
“Why me?”
“Lena…”
“Please, Kara. I can’t… I… You need to give me an answer.”
“I’m trying.”
Lena took a deep breath as Kara began to speak again.
“Do you know what your name means?”
Lena blinked. “What? Oh. Mine is boring. It just means ray of light… does it mean something in Kryptonian?”
“It means something to this Kryptonian.” Kara said as she smoothed her thumb across Lena’s cheek. “There really isn’t a direct equivalent to your name. The first time I heard it, it was just a beautiful lilting sound. It grew to mean something over time. It meant the same thing whenever I took joy in your laughter and when I stood in awe at your strength. It meant the same when you lied to me. It’s meaning pierced through me worse than kryptonite in every timeline where I tried to fix us. Its meaning kept me sane in the Phantom Zone. It meant the same thing whenever I said it, screamed it, sighed it, breathed it… and I am honored to be the only Kryptonian who has ever made those sounds. To be the only one who has ever called you by your name.”
Lena ducked her head but found fingers at her chin, tilting her face up gently to look into the deep blue of the eyes that had always held her heart as surely as Kara’s arms now held her body.
“It will mean the same every day you give me, Lena… Because it means everything to me. Everything that is good and joyous and perfect in the universe. Everything I have ever loved on both my planet and yours. It means everything to me, because you mean everything to me. I have loved you with all of my being for so long and I have been so foolish, so cowardly that I have wasted so much time. Time that I could have spent loving you the way I long for with all that I am.”
Lena felt Kara wipe the tears that had fallen freely from her eyes with the softest of touches. She wept freely for long minutes and felt Kara’s lips pressed to her forehead.
“Your name means beloved.” Lena said finally. “Because of the many things you are to me, Kara Zor-El… you are my most beloved.”
“Will you let me be all that for you, Lena? Will you let me bring gladness to your days and friendship to your soul? Will you allow me to shower you with beauty and devotion? Will you let me come to you when I am wild or stormy or empty? Will you let me be the beloved one of your heart and your soul?”
“You already are.” Lena sobbed. “You have been for years.”
And then Kara’s lips were on her own, warm and tender. Passionate beyond belief as Kara lowered them fully onto the bed. Powerful in a way Lena would never be able to deny. Kara’s open mouth – her open heart - made the ache in Lena’s chest change into a bright soaring exultation that no words in any language could accurately describe.