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Lena was on her upteenth hour in the Towers lab, nothing out of the ordinary for her, not even close to her longest lab session but she really didn’t have to be here.
J’onn’s soothing voice told her to go home ages ago. “You did well Lena, the city thanks you. Go home and get some well deserved rest.”
It took everything not to scoff out loud when the martian said the city ‘thanked her’—she would bet the entire Luthor fortune that was the last thing the city wanted to do to her.
It was more likely they would drag her into town square and burn her at the stake like some 21st century witch trial—complete with snap judgements, hysteria and collective punishment but she humored J’onn with a nod and a soft smile.
She was tired, exhausted really.
After spending the last three days sleepless, tied to microscopes and reagents, Lena almost single handedly engineered a cure and the threat was finally behind them.
—But it wasn’t behind her .
Today marked the first day after the chaos of her brother's latest assault on the city.
It should have been a good day but it wasn’t—not for her, it never was after days like this.
Her mind cycled endlessly about how Lex attacked in the cover of night, the city safely asleep in their bed or so they thought.
Mayhem and destruction curated by him like a conductor in front of an orchestra.
Other humans weren’t people to Lex—just cannon fodder and this time they were just pawns in his game to get back at her for choosing the superfriends over him.
He was loud and clear and concise—it was all her fault .
***TW: Abstract Harm***
Each innocent victim of her brother’s machinations was another festering wound on her body, cut after cut, old and new, the dark crimson dripping the sin of her family down her ivory skin— it tainted her .
She knows what awaits her if she leaves the safe haven of the Tower right now. All the judgment, loathing and fury just waiting to be directed her way.
Her brother's keeper .
It didn’t matter that she came up with the cure that saved them from destruction, she was an easy target; visible and accessible, unlike Lex who was, once again, in the wind.
So they blame her.
They always do.
No matter how much she atones, no amount of good deed, wherever she went people never let her forget the ‘L’ carved into her forehead in looped cursive and it gave them great pleasure to pick the wounds back open to watch her bleed.
Over and over again.
***TW: End***
So today she stays in the Tower like Rapunzel.
She is hunched over a microscope when the first sneeze comes at her fast as a speeding bullet—one of those that makes your nose all twitchy forcing you to look around for the dust that must be the cause.
The kind that makes you think it’s safe to go back to what you were doing because it was only one sneeze.
Until it wasn’t.
She pulls back just in time before two more sneezes in rapid succession take her by surprise. The last thing she needs to explain to her girlfriend is how she got two black eyes from bashing her face on a microscope.
She sniffles and leans back into her chair realizing her head is pounding behind her eyes to the rhythm of her heartbeat.
Okay maybe it’s time to take a break…
Her and headaches are old friends.
The long hours and late nights staring at the blinding light of her computer screen full of numbers and budgets came with her eyes straining for relief and Jess giving her that look while handing her a bottle of ibuprofen.
This felt different—deeper somehow.
She brings her fingers up to rub her temples in hopes to alleviate some of the tension and pain before standing to search for where her overworked brain left her purse.
Aha there you are! She unzips a pocket to reveal a small bottle of pills, shaking more than probably the recommended dosage into her hand before throwing them back and swallowing them dry.
Deciding to give her eyes the break they are asking for she walks down the hallway to the main room.
With the rest of the team all out helping clean up, she has the place to herself.
She feels strange not being out there with them, she wants to be but the consensus of the group was that she needed some sleep—that she had done enough— as if what she did could ever be that .
Normally she would fight against letting others clean up her mess but leaving these walls also meant being vulnerable to all the vitriol the city was ready and waiting to hurl at her much like tomatoes thrown during the Roman Empire and she just couldn’t handle that today.
She knows she should probably at least go home—she told Kara she would.
Picturing the disappointed pout she is going to face when her girlfriend finds her still here wasn’t hard.
…hopefully Kara will understand.
As she puts one foot in front of the other, her body sluggish, her bones made of bricks, before finally making it to the ‘watchtower’ as Kara adorably named the main vestibule of the Tower.
“Every superhero team has a named place their team calls home Lena! Batwoman has her Batcave, Team Flash has the Speed Lab, Team Arrow has the Arrow Cave—we need a cool name too! The Tower works for the entire building but what about here where all the action happens! Ooo oo oo what do you think of ‘The WatchTower’?!” Kara’s blue eyes twinkled as she gestured an invisible rainbow in the air.
“I think that is perfect, darling.”
Leave it to Kara to not only come up with a cute name for their ‘hideouts’ main space but also easily make the huge circular concrete room with high ceilings and enormous wall of screens into a place that feels cozy .
When she walks in, she realizes how empty it is, no one is at the computers, there is nobody in the kitchenette making snacks, not a single butt sitting on the well-loved couches, it’s strange.
Even void of people it still feels homey with Kara’s style everywhere. Her personal favorite being a maroon blanket Kara bought which is an exact replica of the one she and the blonde could be found cuddling under at her girlfriend's apartment.
Lena has always had a problem with the texture of most fabrics for as long as she can remember.
The scratchy feel of denim against her skin made it crawl, the sound of most synthetics set her teeth on edge making her want to rip the fabric right off of her body. Uncomfortable would be an understatement.
Most things were almost painful to her brain to touch so once Kara found out Lena liked the just right softness of the maroon blanket she naturally bought two more for her best friend turned girlfriend.
She eyes it with longing as it hangs draped over the back of the large couches—it was calling her name right now.
Lena slowly makes her way over to ‘her spot’ as Kara dubbed it, carefully chosen to be next to where the blonde claimed for herself.
Though before she could reach her destination a strange tickle in her chest bubbled up forcing her to clear her throat.
Stopping in her tracks, what is that about... Shaking her head she takes a detour to the small kitchenette Kara loves so much.
It was nothing special, just a small sink, some cupboards, a well- used -loved coffee machine and a full-size fridge you could usually find Kara’s head inside of that Lena makes sure is always overflowing with goodies for the team.
She remembers Kara’s proud face a few months ago bouncing up to her with this billion watt smile, taking her hand and dragging her over to the fridge to show all the healthy snacks she proudly procured for her, “Because you need snacks too, Lena!” It all made her heart flutter in her chest, she’s never felt love like this—cared for.
***TW: Child Abuse/Negative Relationship with Food***
Right now the thought of consuming anything made her stomach flip on end, a feeling that wasn’t new to her unfortunately. She’s never really had a healthy relationship with food, Lillian made sure of that, but this feeling in her stomach feels way worse than normal.
***TW: End***
Reaching into the cupboard she pulls out a glass, filling it with water from the tap before downing it all in one go, letting the cool liquid sooth her throat.
Her eyebrows furrowed, something was definitely wrong. W ater hurts but feel so good at the same time…
Her thoughts were interrupted by the same tickle as before but this time she couldn’t stop it, she coughed hard into her hand, pain spiking deep in her chest as her lungs spasmed.
Oh no…
Lena puts the glass into the dishwasher before making her way over to the couch, her knees feeling increasingly weak by the second.
She needs to sit down before her body makes the decision for her.
***TW: Child Abuse***
She practically falls into the plush cushions, arching forward she puts her pounding head in her hands to bargain with the universe.
No no no this can’t be happening. Luthors don’t get sick… she doesn’t get sick.
Lillian drilled into her to never show weakness even as a small uncoordinated four year old who wanted nothing but someone to make it all better ; things like sniffles, tummy aches, coughing her little lungs out were not allowed or there were consequences if Lillian ever caught her in any form other than perfection.
She shivers remembering back to her first lesson not long after moving into Luthor manor.
Lex had talked her into playing hide and seek which her little self was ecstatic about only for him to lock every door on the grounds trapping her outside in a terrifying storm. It wasn’t until a groundskeeper found her shivering near the front steps hours later that she was let in.
Her brother snickered as Lillian lectured her on proper etiquette and time management as her clothes dropped and her body shivered.
Unsurprisingly, two days later her little body was racked with fever, coughing so hard it felt impossible to find her breath.
As night fell over the Luthor household she only got worse; coughing and sputtering alone in her room, her tiny body disappearing into the comforter of her massive four-poster bed.
At some point in the night her fever shot up so high she was delirious, she watched as a figure threw her bedroom door open. She remembers the initial feeling of relief, her Mhamaí would make it all better.
Her tiny arms stretched out to be held, her congested voice thick, “Mhamaí, pwease up.”
But instead of her Mhamaí with a angelic voice, soft curls and auburn hair it was Lillian and instead of comforting words and soft caresses came vicious hands knocking her small grabby hands down.
“What is the meaning of this?!” Lillian’s voice dripped with disgust.
Little Lena didn’t understand, all she wanted was for someone to make it better. A sob broke free quickly morphing into a violent and painful coughing fit.
Lillian reached out and pinched hard the tender skin of the inside of the little girl's thigh, “Stop this nonsense at once! If you think for one second this little act of yours is going to garner sympathy from me you are sorely mistaken. If you continue with this behavior I will have one of the help come and really give you something to cry about.” Her stepmother loomed over her like a king cobra sizing up her prey ready to strike, Lena choked back her cries, “How pathetic. You are being weak and Luthors are the opposite of weak, Lena.”
Lillian turned and marched back the way she came, her nightgown flourishing behind her before stopping at the door, not even turning around, “Oh and Lena I don’t want you to speak that language ever again…it’s beneath a Luthor.”
And she closed the door behind her without a second thought to the young girl’s suffering.
No promises that the aches would pass, no offer of medication to ease the symptoms overtaking her tiny body.
She no longer had a mom to hold her and tell her it was all going to be okay.
All she was left with was a bruised thigh and a list of rules she broke that she didn’t even know existed.
It was a pivotal lesson to be learned.
Stifle, bury and ignore any illness that had the audacity to invade her immune system because anything less would be weakness and weakness is not to be tolerated in a Luthor.
For most of her life she pushed through just fine, downing copious amounts of cough syrup, combating headaches with excessive doses of pain medication, and just pure perseverance stemming from years of training (read: abuse) at the hands of the Luthors.
**TW: End**
She is not sick.
It is not that she isn’t; the sore throat, the pounding in her head and the heaviness in her chest definitely proves otherwise.
It is that she couldn’t be.
As if to remind her that her body doesn’t care what she thinks about being sick, another painful string of coughs make her lungs spasm, her throat feeling like she swallowed a thousand razor blades with each expulsion of air.
…she is definitely sick.
Lena let’s go of her pounding head and flops into the soft cushions, her back hitting against the back before laying her head back to look up at the ceiling in frustration.
I should just go home…ideally before anyone comes back here and sees me like…this.
The thought of the superfriends finding her sick made her chest tighten even more than it already was.
She a tries to get up but the world tilts on its axis, woah—okayy I guess not—
As the room stops spinning, her lungs revolt against her. The simple task of standing is just too much, each painful moment zapping what little energy left in her body.
Oh gods that hurts…
Sniffling wetly, shivers traveled up and down her whole body, ugh I’m so cold.
Glancing up at glowing red analog clock above the wall of computers.
I still have time before the team gets back. Maybe I just need to close my eyes for a second. She curls into a tight ball laying her head against the armrest…
…within seconds she was asleep.
——————————
“We did good out there guys,” Kara says proudly as the team reaches the entryway of the Tower.
“That we did supergirl,” Sam says playfully and chucks her arm around Kara’s shoulder as they follow behind Alex.
J’onn, Brainey and Nia had decided to head home directly from the field.
Alex turns around, walking backwards, “All I know is I can’t wait to soak in the longest bubble bath of my life when we get home…my aches have aches.”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time, babe,” Sam wiggles her eyebrows at her girlfriend.
“I’m right here,” Kara whines.
Alex lifts an eyebrow, “So.”
Kara chuckles and sticks out her tongue at her sister.
“And you are one to talk Miss always ready to jump Lena’s bones in public,” Sam leans her shoulder into Kara playfully.
Before Kara can come up with a witty retort she and Sam almost crash right into Alex’s back as the redhead stops abruptly.
“What the heck Ale—“ Kara whines before being interrupted by Alex shushing her.
The two kryptonians follow the redhead’s gaze before landing on the adorable scene in front of them.
“Shhh she’s asleep,” Alex whispered, pointing over to the couches.
Lena was sami-upright halfway curled up with her cheek flattened against the armrest of the couch.
The three girls move as quietly to the opposite side of the room so as not to disturb their sleeping friend.
“This is going to sound weird but I’ve never actually seen her sleep…I was starting to think she was a vampire.” Alex jokes as she sets her duffle bag on the table.
“You should have seen her in college…she was a machine…these last few days are nothing compared to that…we lived together and I barely saw her sleep,” Sam says sadly as she hoists herself up to sit atop the long picnic-style table the team gathered at for meals.
“Why does that not surprise me,” Alex watches the girl sleeping.
“She told me she was going to head home,” Kara frowns, “but I guess I should just be glad she’s getting some rest. She’s always felt so responsible for Lex even though she shouldn’t but that video,” Kara says with disgust, “Lex saying all those horrible things and saying it was her fault for being with us…I think it hit her hard,” Kara remembers trying multiple times over the last few days to get Lena to take even a small break but Lena was adamant she was “fine”.
So Kara spent the last few nights floating in the air curled up on her side watching girlfriend crunch over data and slides to find a cure with both admiration and sadness.
She could never argue with Lena when she got like this so she did the only thing she could do, stayed by her side until it was over—Kara was glad it was over.
“Do you guys mind if I take a shower really quick so that I can take her home right after?”
“Sure Kar, take your time.” Alex responds easily.
“Lena needs the extra sleep anyway and we all know there’s a good chance she won’t go back to sleep after you wake her to leave,” Sam says matter of factly.
“Yeahh, she does do that a lot,” Kara leans her head on her sister, “I’ll just shower the old fashioned way.”
“Old fashioned?! Not all of us can take a shower in two seconds—” Alex rolled her eyes and pushed her sister away playfully. “Get your butt in the shower you weirdo, you stink.”
Kara takes one more look at her sleeping girlfriend, trying not to second guess her plan.
“Gooo Kara, we’ve got her, promise,” Sam tries to alleviate Kara’s worry.
“Ok, ok, I'm going.” Kara gives in.
——————————————
“It's just you and me now,” Sam wraps her arms around her girlfriend's waist as Alex walks between her legs, planting a chaste kiss on her lips.
“Don’t forget sleeping beauty over there,” Alex jokes as she leans her forehead softly against the Kyrptonian.
As if on cue Lena coughs in her sleep.
Alex and Sam’s heads whip over to where the sound came from, in denial of what their ears just heard.
But as they stare at their friend it happens again. Lena’s body shaking, head wobbling against the armrest. Even being so far away both women could clearly see the pained expression on Lena’s face.
“Oh no—,” Sam sighs sadly, hopping down from the table.
In silent agreement they both make their way over to the sleeping girl but as they got closer it was easy to notice the unusual paleness and tiny beads of sweat on the raveonettes forehead.
“Someone definitely sounds sick—” Alex says to her girlfriend.
“According to Lena, Luthors don't get sick ,” Sam says sadly.
“What in the world is that supposed to mean?” Alex asks her expression filled with worry, keeping her voice down low.
***TW: Child Abuse***
“I’m pretty sure mother and father dearest didn’t allow her to get sick… —if you know what I mean. For as long as I've known her she would always deny she was sick even when she so clearly was…and every time she would get this look in her eyes, I'm sure you’ve seen the one…”
Alex clenches her fists, she knows exactly the look her girlfriend was talking about, she had seen it before in Lena.
It flashed over her face every time the agent gave Lena a checkup after an injury, the look that told her the shadowed lines of previous fractures hidden within the black and white x-rays told a much darker story than a carefree kid climbing a tree, “I swear if I ever get my hands on Lillian…”
“Me too, babe, me too.” Sam sits down on the coffee table, reaching forward to card her fingers through the sleeping girl's ebony locks.
***TW: End***
“Oh Rao, I can literally feel the heat radiating off of her,” worry seeping from Sam’s voice, “should we wake her up?”
Alex frowns, knowing that if Sam can feel heat it means Lena’s fever is higher than Sams warmer than human temperature which was worrisome.
“Let’s let her sleep, I will give her a checkup when Kara gets back. She’s already going to hate that she won’t be able to pretend to not be sick especially when her fever so high even you can feel it,” Letting her protective sisterly instincts take over Alex walks around the back of the couch to retrieve Lena’s favorite maroon blanket, shaking it out before gently laying it over her fitfully sleeping friend.
Copying her girlfriend's actions Alex placed the back of her hand to Lena’s rosy cheek, Lena unconsciously leaning into the touch.
This simple act of care and affection was probably incredibly scarce in Lena’s life before now—but not anymore—never again would Lena think she was unloved and they would make sure of that.
It is fitting after Lena saved the day that the maroon blanket now looked like Lena was wearing a cape of her own.
Almost as if Lena could sense their presence, Lena snuggled deeply into the safety of the blanket.