clear blue waters (high tide came and brought you in)

by wrongcaitlyn

Summary:

“Come here often?”

How stupid, is the first thing Regulus thinks, before he looks up and thinks, how beautiful. It’s unfair, really.

“Really? That’s the line you go with?” Regulus responds, making a show of putting his bookmark in his book and taking out one of his earbuds. James just interrupted him, not that there was any reading to interrupt.

James shrugs. “I’m out of practice, I guess. Is this spot taken?”

“That’s… that’s just sand.”

or

regulus being dragged along on a family vacation to babysit his cousin turns into a summer fling, reuniting with an estranged brother, and way too many steps out of his comfort zone.

Notes:

taylor said we're bringing some beach vibes to deep fall and this fic just appeared on my computer🫡

playlist!!

Chapter 1: day 1: grab your passport and my hand

Summary:

nice to meet you, where you been? / i could show you incredible things

Notes:

ch title from "blank space"

background info!!
muster stations - where you go if like the ship is sinking/another emergency, everyone's gotta go theirs (there's usually 5 total depending on where your cabin is) on the first day of the ship just to know where to go
excursions - activities the cruise plans when you're in port, anything from ziplining to just walking around a beach, you book them from the cruise in advance

Sunday, July 3: Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Regulus regrets everything that has led his life to this moment.

Not really, because it could be much, much worse, but he definitely regrets the past few months where he had the option to opt out of the vacation, and didn’t. He’s sweating, stuck between a suitcase that’s jamming into his shoulder, and has been in this position for two hours right after a six hour flight in an economy middle seat, and he just knows that he’s going to end up carrying Dora’s luggage for the entire afternoon, too. 

This is all Dora’s fault. Regulus wouldn’t even be on this vacation if it weren’t for her suggesting it, and then Andromeda and Ted agreeing - or at least that’s how Andromeda had presented it to him. He would be in his nice one-bedroom apartment, complete with AC and wifi and a queen-sized bed.

See, Nymphadora Tonks (or Dora, as Regulus calls her, but Tonks, if you ask her), having just turned thirteen, decided that she needed her own room for their yearly summer vacation. This time, they chose a Caribbean cruise because Andromeda got some kind of discount. But the cruise line didn’t allow minors to have their own bedroom, and even though one of the adults could have just pretended they would be sharing a room with Dora, Andromeda had privately admitted that she’d prefer Dora to not be alone as well.

Dora had run through all her friends (who, by the way, were also thirteen, so Regulus didn’t really know why she thought that would work), and eventually decided that Regulus should come along with them because he’s a hermit who never leaves his apartment and the sunny Bahamas would do him some good.

Also, probably, because Regulus is a complete pushover when it comes to Dora. Sue him. He wants her to have a fun childhood, and so he said yes ( says yes, to pretty much everything). He thought it would be fine - Dora would make some friends at the Kids’ Club, or Teen Hangout Place, or whatever it’s called, and Regulus would get to relax on the beach and just make sure that Dora comes back to the cabin at a decent hour and isn’t in imminent danger - which is actually a lot harder than one would think, because it’s Dora, but it’s still a free vacation.

But apparently, that’s too easy. Because Dora also wants to do the excursions. And not the “walking around the beach for an hour with a tour guide” excursion - no, he’s talking adrenaline-inducing, possibly injury-causing, waiver-signing beforehand just in case you accidentally die, excursions.

He did not sign up for this. (Was he this horrible at thirteen? Really, was he? He doesn’t deserve this.)

And now, he’s in Florida on the way to a cruise port with a suitcase handle pushing in so hard on his shoulder that it’ll probably bruise, and Cruel Summer playing on repeat for the thousandth time. Regulus liked it for the first hour on the way to LAX, yes, but now it’s just getting repetitive. A wonderful way to start his carefree and relaxing vacation. 

All of the pamphlets Andromeda showed him were lying. He thought a paid-for cruise was a family gift, but he’s pretty sure that he’s actually just a babysitter - he noticed his name with Dora on all of the excursions, not Andy or Ted.

“-passport, right? Regulus?”

Regulus blinks, having zoned out in his frustration. He knows that his own headphones are somewhere in his backpack, but he’s pretty sure that’s underneath Andy and Ted’s suitcase, so he’s not gonna search for it. “What?”

“Your passport? You have it?”

Regulus nods, even if Andromeda can’t see it because she’s driving. “In my backpack.” Which is somewhere he doesn’t know. He’ll find it when they unload the rental car.

“Alright, and you’ve all got your phones?” Andromeda continues, going through her checklist of everything they need. Based on how Dora responds - bored, but not arguing - Regulus guesses that it’s a normal thing she does for their vacations. Regulus replies as well, feeling a lot like he’s thirteen again, even though he’s twenty-four. 

Andromeda is technically his cousin, making Dora his first cousin once removed, but Regulus sees Dora as more of a very little sister, and Andromeda as… well a much older sister. Sometimes like a mom, but he’ll never admit that. He had been an adult when she took him in, freshly eighteen with a bag of his belongings and disownment in his very near future, but he did sometimes feel like she was raising him as well - at least, until Regulus finished his degree, moved out, and started working full-time at a private high school. 

He still had always opted out of the family vacations, because a) he wasn’t sure he would even like them, and b) they were family vacations. Regulus is related to them, and he lived with them for a few years, but he never wanted to intrude on that. He always took up a summer job to have an excuse, but with them planning out the cruise ahead of time and asking him back in March, Regulus really couldn’t say no.

Now, it’s the beginning of July, and he wishes he did. 

“Can we change the song?” he asks, only about an hour since the last time he asked.

“Stop being a hater,” Dora responds, the same response she gave an hour ago. “I’m manifesting your summer romance.”

And Regulus really can’t argue with that, because then Andy will go on her rant about how he’s been alone for far too long, and deserves to meet someone, etc. So Cruel Summer it is.

“Regulus,” Andy says, that tone meaning she’s about to go into a lecture, “Dora’s right. You should try to put yourself out there.” And there it is. He couldn’t even avoid it.

As if he doesn’t? He gets set up on dates by his friends pretty much every month. It never works out, his last ‘long-term’ relationship being a week before he ghosted them in favor of grading finals. 

“On a cruise ship?”

Andromeda shrugs. “Not just in romance- I mean… just be willing to give things a try, yeah? Dora’ll enjoy it.”

Regulus twists his head to see how Dora reacts to being used as a bargaining chip, but she doesn’t argue. It makes Regulus suspicious, but he goes along with it. “Sure.”

Andromeda looks at him through the mirror with a deadpan stare that says she really doesn’t believe him, and Regulus offers a fake grin that means she’s absolutely right but he’ll give it his best shot to make her happy. 

He only has to suffer twenty more minutes being crushed by luggage until they finally find a parking lot that isn’t cheap by any means, but better than the other four they checked. When he gets out of his seat, his right leg is numb and his shoulder still hurts, but at least he can finally take off his jacket. 

“Are you excited?” Dora asks, jumping slightly on her feet. Regulus doesn’t know if she’s doing it because she’s excited or because her legs have also gone numb. Maybe both.

Nope, definitely not, take me on the first flight back to California right now, he thinks.

“Yeah,” he says.

Regulus opens his phone while waiting as Andromeda and Ted unload the car - it’s at six percent, and he had been trying to save the battery throughout the drive (with his portable charger also in his backpack, and Andy charging her phone in the car while using GPS).

There are a few missed texts from Barty, some from Evan as well, and a voicemail from Pandora. He ignores them, and checks the weather - 88 degrees, and yet it’s apparently supposed to rain tomorrow. Will that mean they can get out of the excursion? Is there even an excursion tomorrow?

He hopes not, but with his luck, it’s probably goddamn ziplining. He loves Dora, but ziplining in the rain is a harsh boundary that he will never cross for any reason.

Regulus shoves his phone in his back pocket again, and then offers to push Dora’s luggage and throws his backpack over his shoulder. Finally, they’re on their way to the ship.

 

-

 

The cabin is small. He doesn’t really know what he expected, so he can’t say he’s disappointed or relieved - but it’s small. It’s probably the size of Andromeda’s guest room, but with all the furniture (couch, closet, desk, and bathroom), it makes it feel a lot smaller.

Dora throws her bag on the bed against the wall and runs to check out the balcony.

“Okay, Reg,” Andromeda’s voice makes Regulus turn around, taking one earbud out of his ears. “We’re in 6544,” she says, pointing down the hall. Regulus and Dora are in 6560, so they’re close, but not right next to them. “Ted and I will go figure out the wifi situation, and you guys can figure out when your excursions are. We’ll meet at the muster station in twenty? Oh, and make sure to watch the safety video.”

Regulus does know this. He’s been on a cruise before, albeit over a decade ago, and it wasn’t with this cruiseline - much smaller. But he nods, and is about to confirm, when-

“Can we also check out the Teens’ Room?” Dora calls out. Ah, so that’s what it’s called. A bit boring, if Regulus were to judge, but he doesn’t know what else he’d call it, so he won’t. “You’ve got to sign me in the first time.”

She must have already researched it. She always does, when she actually wants something. The last time, it was an extensive list on the effects of bleach and a ranking of all different brands of hair dye, to convince Regulus to dye her hair. He did it, because he didn’t see why not, but Andromeda hadn’t thought it was so cool.

Regulus thinks it does. It’s exactly the kind of thing Sirius would have done, if he had been allowed to. Regulus wonders if he ever did dye his hair. Or just bleach it. Then again, he was always extremely picky about his hair, so maybe he wouldn’t want to risk damaging it-

“Yes, Reg can take you,” Andromeda nods, “I had you listed as a guardian, too, so you should be able to sign her in. You can find your way there after the safety video?”

“Sounds good,” Regulus confirms. A few more good-byes, Ted asking Dora for a hug (they’re literally going to have dinner together in a few hours), and then Andromeda and Ted are opening the door to their cabin.

Regulus shuts the door. “Okay. Itinerary. I have veto power-”

“-But you’re not gonna use it,” Dora finishes, a cheeky grin on her face. Bloody teenagers. Regulus still doesn’t know why he ever chose a career that keeps him surrounded by them. “I chose fun stuff, though! You’re gonna like it.”

“Does it involve heights?”

“Well…”

“Or the ocean?”

“We’re on a cruise ship, we’re literally surrounded by ocean-”

“Are there any potentially dangerous animals?”

“They’re only dangerous if you hurt them!”

“Then no,” Regulus shakes his head, sighing. “I don’t think I’m going to like it.” He drops his backpack on the ground next to the bed that Dora didn’t choose and tosses her the TV remote. “First, safety video. Then, itinerary, muster station, and your teens’ club - oh, and remind me that we need to check when dinner is?”

Dora mock-salutes him, and Regulus huffs a laugh. He does love her, truly, even if she seems to want to make his life hell. He used to be the same way, just more…subtle. Siblings, right? 

He finds the excursions relatively easily - little tickets on the desk, along with a basic info sheet of who to call when something goes wrong, a welcome to the ship, make sure to watch the safety video, blah, blah, blah. He’s guessing there’ll be something for the 4th of July tomorrow, but no excursions - then, there’s a zipline and rollercoaster, climbing waterfalls, and swimming with stingrays.

Heights, the ocean, and dangerous animals. Dora checked off all the boxes. He didn’t even know that climbing waterfalls was an option, but if he had, it would certainly be on his list as well.

He voices his thoughts. “So, we can sleep in tomorrow, at least-”

“Oh, no,” Regulus’ head whips around. He’s trying to make the best of the things. What does Dora mean, no? “It’s that private island thing tomorrow. They’ve got a huge waterpark with the highest water slide in North America and the largest wave simulator in the Caribbean and a zipline-”

“Wait, don’t we already have a zipline booked? Two ziplines? No. I’m v-” Regulus’ decision gets cut off by the safety video starting. “Veto! Not happening. And- you can go on the waterslide yourself, right? Is there, like, a height restriction?”

“Well, yeah, but I’m tall enough,” Dora scoffs. “But anyway, I read that the lines take forever and you have to reserve your spot, so we need to wake up early.”

Regulus blinks. “Like, school-early, or weekend-early?”

“Only psychos wake up at five AM for school.”

“Thanks for calling me a psycho,” Regulus laughs, “And I need to get up to go to office hours, so you can’t blame me. You’ll get it when you go to high school.”

Dora groans dramatically, flopping back on the bed, as she does every time Regulus mentions high school. “And have you as my teacher? No, thanks.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” Regulus tilts his head. “Anyway, just give me a time. As long as you’re not going to make me go on the slide. Or the zipline. One is enough.”

Dora nods absently, the kind of nod that means she’s most definitely not listening to a single thing Regulus says, and then they leave to go find the muster station.

The ship leaves port only an hour later, and they stop at the buffet to get a snack. It seems that Andromeda and Ted have officially left Regulus to watch over Dora (though Dora repeatedly states that they are hanging out and that Regulus doesn’t need to babysit her) in favor of reserving some spa treatment or whatever it is they want to do. Regulus really wishes he could join them, but instead he’s in a crowded elevator on the way to the Teens’ Room. 

Honestly, Andromeda should be thankful for Regulus dying Dora’s hair - at least the bright pink means he won’t lose her.

“You know how to text me?” Regulus asks, having finally been able to charge his phone with his portable charger in his pocket.

“Yep,” Dora nods, popping the ‘p’. 

“And the room closes at eight, so I’ll pick you up… when?”

“I can find my way back myself.”

Regulus shoots her a look. “I’ll be there at seven, because we have dinner with Andy and Ted at 7:15.”

“Right.”

“Don’t make bad decisions,” Regulus continues, his voice monotone, “Uh…don’t do drugs or drink alcohol…”

“Reg-”

“Don’t jump off the ship…”

“ Regulus-”

“Oh, and don’t attempt a back handspring without a trampoline just to show off, because you can’t do it yet. No breaking limbs, please. Or spraining, or twisting, or-”

“ God, Reg, I definitely can! And please, as if.”

“Uh huh, anyway-” Regulus turns the corner, seeing two kids and a mom checking in, also holding the hand of a much younger girl, and the giant sign that says Teens’ Room. At least they’re in the right place. “Okay, have fun and make friends, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“So don’t talk to anyone?”

“Ha ha, very funny.”

It should be a quick in and out. Regulus really shouldn’t worry about it taking longer than a minute, and then he’ll be able to find the Starbucks that’s apparently somewhere on the ship (another thing that Dora had ranted about, and insisted they get at least once to test if it’s as good as it is on land). 

But then, the mom steps to the side, letting her two kids walk in (one of them looks like they’re Dora’s age, the other one a bit taller), and-

God. Fucking hell. What the fuck?

Since when are cruise ship babysitters hot?

The man is standing behind a tall desk that’s got a few papers laid out. He’s wearing glasses, his skin a dark brown and his hair a gorgeous mess. He’s got a smile that Regulus is quite sure is the source of light in this room, because Regulus almost wants to smile just because of it.

The other things Regulus wants to do, he won’t even think, because he’s supposed to be signing his teenage cousin into the Teens’ Room. And this youth counselor works here- Regulus couldn’t possibly be such an asshole to come onto someone at their place of work… the best option would just be to forever avoid this part of the ship from now on. Does the crew get days off work? Would Regulus run into him somewhere else? Do they get their own room…?

“Hey, guys,” the man says after waving good-bye to the other woman. He has a British accent, and his voice. God. Regulus tries to keep his face blank. “Name?”

“Tonks,” Dora answers, in that tone of voice that she always uses to correct people on not using her actual name. Regulus is the exception - but only with ‘Dora’. 

The man hums a little as he looks down his sheet, then flips his page. He grins again, and it’s blinding.

“Alright, Nymphadora Tonks-”

“No. Just Tonks. I go by Tonks. Could you imagine being named Nymphadora? ”

The man - Regulus finally drags his eyes down from his face and notices the name tag, James - so, James takes it in stride, letting out a small chuckle, and scribbling a little note onto the paper. “Alright, Tonks, welcome to the Teens’ club! You should have been given a schedule of our activities in your cabin, as well as opening and closing hours. You can head on in - we’re doing some icebreakers right now with Mary.”

Dora takes one short glance at Regulus, which Regulus will take as a hug, because she’s a teenager now, and then runs inside with a, “Bye, Reggie!”

Regulus wonders why the other two kids had to stay with their mom until she left. She probably had some extra questions.

James turns around again after nodding to someone that Regulus can’t see - probably Mary , if he were to guess - and then Regulus is panicking again.

None of this vacation has been relaxing so far. He’s never agreeing to anything Dora, Andy, or Ted ever say again.

“So…Reggie?”

Oh god, he said his name. James said his name- not his name, but his nickname, and Regulus hates that nickname, but still-

“Regulus,” he corrects stiffly. He’s probably coming off as rude, but he thinks that’s better than being flirty. Not that he’s ever actually tried that. That’s Barty’s lane. He needs to get away from here. He needs a drink. There’s a bar on the ship, obviously, but he can’t really get drunk because he’s been put in charge of Dora. That doesn’t mean he can’t drink, though, right? Great. “Uh- that’s my little cousin.”

He doesn’t think he’s really old enough to even look like Dora is his child, but you never know. Most people jump to the conclusion that he’s an older sibling or an uncle or something, and Regulus usually just goes with it. Close enough.

James nods, and Regulus finds himself wondering if his smile is just for show or if he’s being genuine. He kind of has to be happy all the time, doesn’t he? Working with kids? Regulus gets an exception because no one’s happy in high school, but he supposes a youth counselor on a cruise ship doesn’t have an excuse. 

“She looks excited. Is this your first cruise?”

Regulus blinks. Small talk… he’s not prepared for this. “Yes, hers. I’ve gone on a smaller one when I was younger, but…”

James lets out a short laugh, nodding. He’s now looking directly at Regulus, no flipping of pages or scribbling of notes. “Yeah, it’s huge. Third biggest on the seas, did you know?”

Regulus did not know. Does James spend his time memorizing cruise ship facts, or was that part of cruise ship crew training?

“No, but I could guess. Dora mentioned a zipline and a Starbucks.”

“The zipline’s great, but an excursion would be better. If you want to go, I’d go today- also with the waterslides, FlowRider, and rock climbing wall. Any other days - especially at sea - will have you standing in line for an hour.”

Regulus doesn’t know whether to pretend that all of that stuff actually sounds really interesting and that he’s a total thrillseeker, or be honest and say that he will specifically avoid everything that James just mentioned.

He’s never been one to spare feelings, though. “If I weren’t terrified of heights, that’d be some good advice.”

James laughs again, and it sounds like music to Regulus’ ears. How is this fair? He has to remind himself that this is only a week-long cruise. Seven nights. That’s it. But maybe that’s a good thing? No time for feelings to develop, just a summer fling. He’s never done that before, but he’s also never really caught feelings for someone within a week, so. It should work fine.

“Well, then I’d still recommend the FlowRider,” James says, “It’s basically indoor surfing, but it’s outside. You can reserve private sessions if you want. And you have to check out the ice skating rink - my friends perform there and host skate sessions.”

“Ice skating rink?” In the middle of the summer?

James nods, “Yeah, it’s great. They’ve got a show Wednesday and Friday night.”

Regulus really would like to say that he’ll take it into consideration and add it to his schedule - he used to ice skate when he was younger, but Sirius had always been better and continued it, whereas Regulus was convinced to stop when Sirius ran away - but he really isn’t comprehending a thing that James is saying because look at that face.

“And… you’ve done these things?” Regulus says, taking a short glance back to ensure that there isn’t a line forming behind him. There isn’t. “The rock wall isn’t just going to… fall off the ship?”

“Oh, god no,” James grins ( like a devil, screams the Taylor Swift in his head that he’ll blame Dora for putting in there). “It’s safe, trust me. But yeah, I’ve done pretty much all the activities on my hours off - been on this specific ship for nearly eight months now, but I’ve been with this line for four years. I think the ziplines are my favorite though, so maybe I’ll need to convince you to try,” he honest-to-god winks, and Regulus really wants to think that he just imagined it.

Regulus just nods, not entirely convinced and certainly not going to go on a rock climbing wall on a ship, but he’ll give James the benefit of the doubt. His brain is torn between asking James when he gets off work or what his hours are or if it’s even legal for him to date a passenger on the ship (or if he cares about that), and the logical part in which he should really avoid James as much as possible.

Really, James had just said it - this is the third largest cruise ship in the seas. What are the chances of them ever seeing each other again if Regulus stops dropping Dora off?

“I think you’ll definitely have a good week,” James continues, and then he hands Regulus a pen- right. The whole point of him even being here is to sign up Dora. But then- why does James’ hand brush Regulus’ when passing the pen, instead of just leaving it on the table? After signing, why does James’ fingers linger on Regulus’ before taking it back?

He’s really killing Regulus here. God, and what if he’s straight? What if he’s in a relationship? There are so many things that could go wrong-

Maybe he just needs to go for it. Get the closure. Take Andy’s advice. And if James is straight or dating someone or just not interested, then it’s not like Regulus ever has to see him again, right? So, Regulus will do it. On a cruise where he’ll never see James again after these seven days - probably not after that day either.

“Do you flirt with all the parents dropping off their kids?”

Oh, shit, what if he’s fucking homophobic? That’s an option, too, and Regulus regrets, regrets, regrets-

James just laughs it off. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The look on James’ face makes Regulus’ heart skip a beat, and he now knows that this ‘putting himself out there’ advice is complete bullshit, because he can’t tell if he was just rejected or not. He’s still aware that James is working here, and Regulus will leave the ship in a week on a flight across the country. There is literally no possible way for this to end well. 

“So,” James looks back down to his papers, his gaze no longer lingering, “Do you want to let Tonks sign herself in and out? Usually, it’s allowed for the teens, but some parents want to make sure they don’t get lost, especially if it’s her first time on a cruise-”

And Regulus really should say yes. Dora can find her way here easily; Regulus isn’t worried. That was his plan in the beginning, so he could spend as much time as possible by himself. And, yeah, now he knows that James is at least not homophobic and maybe into him, but he knows it won’t work, but-

“...Yeah, actually, um- her parents are a bit… overprotective,” Regulus explains, and it’s not really true but it kind of is? Sure, he’ll say it is. “I’ll drop her off and pick her up.”

What did he just sign himself up for?

James nods, circling something on his paper, and then his brown eyes are staring right back at Regulus’. His smile is just a little wider. “Then, I guess I’ll be seeing a lot of you this week.” His eyes shift to behind Regulus, and then it’s- “Hey guys! Welcome to the Teens’ Room, what’s your name?”

Regulus leaves, and his brain is frozen throughout the whole elevator ride down. He doesn’t realize that he’s forgotten about the Starbucks until he’s back in his cabin. He throws himself on the bed, groaning into the pillow. 

This is all Dora’s fault.

Notes:

1989. TAYLOR'S. VERSION. OHMYGOD
and cruel summer reaching #1 on the billboard chart!!! YES

this fic is inspired by both of those but honestly,,, it was just vibes. like i just thought cruise ship x fluffy jegulus and that was all i was running with. usually i've got some kind out outline but this just wrote itself

i AM planning a fully 1989 tv (mainly the vault tracks) based fic but i'm gonna be finishing this first - i've got 4 chapters done already and i'll be updating every friday/saturday depending on when i've got timeLKDSF

also! this ship/the route is based on the harmony of the seas western caribbean 7 night cruise :) i went on it two summers ago i think? def one of the BEST with the best excursions and also the ship was just incredible (totally not biased bc of the starbucks)
some other things if you haven't been on a cruise - there's always gonna be some place to get food 24/7, but there's also scheduled dining which is what reg mentions, and also figuring out the wifi is the most ANNOYING thing ever. like i've been on over 30 cruises prob?? idk exactly but EVERY SINGLE TIME there's something that goes wrong, and it's even worse when you're travelling with others,, etc

anyway
thank you for reading! come say hi on my tumblr :)

Chapter 2: day 2: drinking on a beach with you all over me

Summary:

after the storm, something was born on the fourth of july

Notes:

ch title from "end game"

background info :)
coco cay is a private island in the bahamas owned by royal caribbean (the cruiseline im basing this ship off of)
there *are* rules about crew members and passengers, etc... i am ignoring them. well not rlly i do mention them but like im not gonna get james fired or anything - also idk anything abt the crew spots bc i have never worked on a cruiseship, just a passenger, so like... creative liberties (i did do research but some of it didn't match what i wanted so i am electing to ignore it!)

and playlist is updated!

Monday, July 4: Coco Cay, Bahamas

Barty and Evan have not been supportive in the slightest with Regulus’ troubles - by which he means that they’re trying to convince him to have a summer fling with James and to get a picture when he can. Regulus is completely screwed. He shuts off his wifi so he doesn’t need to continue being bombarded by messages.

Dora, for the most part, has been cooperating well. She’s apparently made two friends already and they’re all planning to go on some of the slides together, along with one of her friend’s siblings. She got a bit disappointed and slightly suspicious that she wouldn’t be able to sign herself in, but decided that Regulus has so little of a social life that it won’t matter, and she’ll be able to drag him to the Teens’ Room whenever she likes.

It’s true, but Regulus won’t tell her the actual reason why.

Either way, Andromeda and Ted are apparently planning to go to this ‘lagoon’ that’s a huge pool with a bar in the center of it. Lucky them. 

The group splits up as soon as they get off the dock, Dora dragging Regulus along to the ‘Thrill Waterpark’, only to find that they have to pay - which is completely fine in Regulus’ opinion, because it gives him an excuse as to why he doesn’t want to go in the waterpark as well or on the zipline. 

He sends Dora off with some extra money for the zipline and food - given to him by Andromeda, because Regulus unfortunately missed out on his inheritance and is on the salary of a regular American high school teacher - and then considers going back to the ship. 

There’s no real reason why he can’t - except for the fact that if Dora gets grievously injured somehow (which he honestly wouldn’t put it past her, seeing as she’s incredibly clumsy and has already broken four limbs in her thirteen years of life), it would take much longer for him to get off the ship again and find her. So instead, he looks for a beach that isn’t as full and finds a seat.

He did bring a book along (actually, three, but the other two are on the ship), and sunglasses (Andromeda already took care of the sunscreen, ensuring that Regulus also wouldn’t be in pain for the rest of the vacation), so it honestly doesn’t seem like a bad day. 

The weather is humid and warm, but the forecast says it may rain, even though the sky is clear at the moment. Still, it’s actually a wonderful difference from the California heat - dry and constantly above 90 degrees - and Regulus doesn’t mind it at all. 

The beach is relatively calm. There’s two adults walking, a few kids in the water, and some people throwing a ball around. Regulus really wouldn’t have noticed them if it weren’t for the fact that one of them looks incredibly familiar -

He turns around, and there’s James. Just Regulus’ luck.

Regulus takes a look at who’s with him - a red-headed woman who’s talking with a slightly shorter woman with dark curls bouncing on her shoulders. She shifts slightly, and Regulus recognizes her as the other youth counselor, who had been there when Regulus signed Dora out the night before, Mary. There’s also a shorter man, who had been throwing the ball before it went out of reach. James is running to get it now, his head thrown back in laughter.

Regulus’ breath catches. 

He could pretend that he’s still focused on his book, but he’s really not. He stays on that one page for at least twenty minutes, staring at the four (mainly, James) until the girls decide to get into the water and the shorter guy waves good-bye and leaves after checking his phone. Regulus waits a few seconds, then pretends to read again even though the sunglasses prevent anyone from seeing exactly what he’s paying attention to, but all he can think is who the fuck allowed James to run around on a beach, shirtless?

He’s so focused on trying to read (with no success) that he doesn’t notice anyone has walked over until James’ voice says, “Come here often?”

How stupid, is the first thing Regulus thinks, before he looks up and thinks, how beautiful. It’s unfair, really. James’ hair has clearly been messed up by the wind, though Regulus thinks that maybe that’s just the permanent state it’s in. He’s also wearing the same glasses as the day before, but they’re a bit crooked, and he’s sweating. He’s not wearing anything other than some swim trunks, which is just asking for Regulus to die. Honestly, it’s not even that hot out, and the clouds have been progressively covering more of the sun. 

“Really? That’s the line you go with?” Regulus responds, making a show of putting his bookmark (yes, it’s an actual bookmark, not just an old receipt, so he should be pretty proud of that) in his book and taking out one of his earbuds. James just interrupted him, not that there was any reading to interrupt.

James shrugs. “I’m out of practice, I guess. Is this spot taken?” 

“That’s… that’s just sand.”

James looks like he’s literally about to sit in the sand, and Regulus stammers, grabbing his arm. Fuck. “Uh- I’ve got a towel, wait.”

James just smiles that ridiculous smile of his, and then a few seconds later, he’s sitting next to Regulus on the towel, and he throws out another stupid pickup line that Regulus makes fun of.

It’s almost a bit scary, how easy it is to talk to him. He’s funny in the way that his jokes are so stupid that they make Regulus laugh, and he takes Regulus’ insults and dry remarks without any hesitation. Usually, it takes people a while to get used to the fact that Regulus literally speaks fluently in sarcasm, and that makes him filter his language so he’s only saying half of what’s in his head.

But not with James. It’s like he can tell that Regulus is holding back, and before long, Regulus feels like he’s known James his whole life, when he’s really only known him for this conversation and a brief discussion about the cruise ship’s activities the day before. 

And then there’s the fact that James is attractive. Really fucking attractive. Like, if they weren’t on a beach right now, Regulus would 100% already be taking him home. 

All in all, Regulus thinks that maybe Dora’s manifestation techniques are impressive, but he’s still hesitant - if James were just attractive, he could see where that would lead, but with him actually being a nice person? 

Regulus really doesn’t want the week to end with heartbreak. He’s getting a bit ahead of himself, but that’s just what his brain does. And yes, he’s aware that he should just make an excuse - it would be all too easy to pretend that Dora texted him and that he needs to pick her up, or that Dora’s parents left behind their wallet or something and Regulus needs to get it.

But he keeps talking. 

He learns that James really wasn’t joking when he said he’s tried out all the activities that they have to offer, and he’s friends with at least one person in every part of the ship. 

He learns that James has worked on six different ships, and his favorite one has been the Panama Canal cruise, from LA to Miami, and Regulus has to resist the urge to scream that he’s from Los Angeles (or close enough, just about an hour away), and would James like to move back there?

He learns that the people James was playing with was Mary, Lily, and Peter (so Regulus was right with the first one), and that Lily is also an ice skater (not the best friend that James mentioned) and is dating Mary, and that Peter is James’ roommate and is a bartender, so he’s always got weird hours, mostly at night, whereas James’ and Mary’s are usually more routine.

He learns that James originally decided to work on cruise ships because he didn’t want to stay in one place, but he wanted to work with kids - he became an au pair for a year while studying online before realizing that that was also too stationary, but his host family had brought him along on a cruise and he decided to look into it. 

That leads Regulus into mentioning what he does for a living - teaching English at a high school (AP Lit and Sophomore Lit & Comp, with James nodding along but then revealing he’s not from the US and has absolutely no idea what AP and Sophomore actually means), and a brief summary of Dora, and that she’s actually his first cousin once removed, but she’s more like a younger sister. 

James learns what books Regulus is reading, and which ones he thinks he may add to this year’s curriculum, because he’s been trying to switch a few of the old ones out.

James learns that Regulus is originally from London (“No way, me too!”) but that he and his cousin all moved to California about six years ago because of Ted’s job. 

And he also learns that Regulus is very much gay, and Regulus learns that James is very much bisexual, and that yes, there are rules against dating passengers, but they’re just having a friendly conversation, aren’t they?

The first drops of rain fall about an hour after James originally sat down and started talking. It catches Regulus by surprise, even if he had felt the wind pick up and seen the clouds form. He checks his phone, just making sure that Dora hasn’t texted him, though there are a few messages from Andy telling him that she and Ted were going back on the ship. 

As long as he still has a reason to be out there…

Just as he thinks it, though, James jumps up to his feet, one of his hands covering his head - though it really doesn’t help at all, because the rain starts coming down harder. Is that it?

“How much of the island have you seen?” he asks.

Regulus raises an eyebrow and shrugs. “The dock, the entrance to the waterpark, and here.”

And then James reaches out his hand, smiling that beautiful smile. “Then c’mon. There’re still plenty of places you have to see before we leave.”

Oh. Well. Regulus can’t say no then, can he? 

He takes James’ hand.

 

-

 

Regulus isn’t really sure if he’s allowed to be here, seeing as there’s a sign that said Crew Only, but James just hesitates a moment before leading them the other way. Regulus glances back and sees a beach with quite a few people, most packing their bags and shaking their towels, which he assumes are all crew. 

Either way, they don’t go to that beach - James takes him to an area of trees and gestures for Regulus to follow him. He wonders if this is a usual thing for James - how many people does he meet up with in port? 

He decides to ask James this, because there’s got to be a bit of trust there with Regulus following James to who-knows-where on this island. James just turns around, a funny look on his face.

“Well, you’d be the first.”

Oh?

James walks backwards and continues, “Me and the rest of the crew go here a lot- especially the people who’re dating or married and stuff. I’m guessing, or hoping, it’ll be empty because of the rain… but anyway, we could technically get fired for ‘hooking up’ with passengers.” He puts air quotes around the “hooking up” which makes Regulus wonder what he actually means. 

Instead, he asks, “Technically?”

James smirks. “Well, ‘technically’ is if you get caught. And also, anything goes when we’re not on the ship.”

Oh?

“So, you’re not bringing me here to murder me.”

“That would definitely get me fired, and put in prison.” James turns around, somehow having not stumbled the entire walk, and grabs Regulus’ hand again before leading him out of the trees and onto another beach. 

It looks like a paradise. The whole island does, honestly, but it’s cluttered by people and bags and trash - this beach is completely empty, not a person to be seen. It’s relatively small, yes, but the horizon is a clear blue and Regulus can’t see land past the water, not a dock or anything. It’s just the sand and the ocean. 

And them.

Regulus really wants to kiss James. It’s only been two days, but logic seems useless when met with him. 

He realizes that his hand is still in James’ when there’s a sharp pull, and he’s no longer under the cover of the palm tree, and now standing in the pouring rain, with one of James’ hands holding his wrist and the other trailing up to gently cup Regulus’ chin. 

And then his phone rings. 

It’s extremely loud, because he had wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t miss anything if Dora called him, or Andy or Ted, so it makes Regulus jump, and James automatically takes a step back. 

Regulus fumbles with his phone, wishing that he could just turn it off - but it’s Dora, so he grimaces and answers. “Hey, Dora?”

“Reggie! So, just wanted to let you know that they closed down the zipline, but Charlie and I are gonna go swimming for a bit. I’m buying some lunch, but we’re not in the Thrill Park anymore.”

She’s not even hurt, and doesn’t want to go inside. Regulus really should feel proud that she’s just updating him on his location, but couldn’t it have been in a text? 

“Uh- right, that’s good. Do you have enough money for it?”

“Yep!”

“Okay… just call me when you’re ready to go. We’ve gotta be back by…” he closes out of the call quickly, checking his notes, “Five.” It’s two-thirty right now, so they still have some time. 

“Yeah, I know,” Dora says with a huff, and Regulus hears someone else- probably the Charlie that Dora mentioned- say something in the background before Dora says a quick, “‘Kay, bye!”

The call ends, and Regulus looks back at James, who’s watching him… fondly? Regulus wonders if it would be strange if he just walked up and kissed him. They were going to kiss, right? He hadn’t read that situation wrong?

“She’s sweet, y’know,” James says, gesturing to the phone, “Very energetic.”

Regulus snorts. “If by energetic, you mean clumsy, then yes. Andy once threatened to put her in a full-body cast so they wouldn’t have to take any more trips to the ER.”

With that, the awkward tension is gone, if there was any in the first place, and James tilts his head toward the water. “Well? You can’t come to a private island and not swim.”

And Regulus…really hates oceans. Not that he’s mentioned that to James. As Dora had said, they’re quite constantly surrounded by the ocean. He literally lives right by several beaches back in California. It’s not so much the swimming or water part of it as much as it is what could be inside it - he’s terrified of stepping on a sharp rock, or there being some creature, or seaweed, or a sea urchin or something. 

It is also the swimming - he didn’t learn until a few years ago when Ted practically forced him to while also teaching Dora, which was incredibly embarrassing, but he doesn’t think he’ll drown. He still doesn’t like it.

But with James looking at him like that…Regulus inwardly sighs, calls himself weak for this James dude who has completely swept Regulus off his feet in two days, and takes off his shirt. He didn’t bring swim trunks, but his clothes are bound to get wet from the rain even if he doesn’t swim. Thank god for Dora forcing him to wear shorts.

He glances hesitantly at the water, then turns back to James just to watch his eyes snap up to Regulus’ face. Oh, he was checking him out, wasn’t he? It makes Regulus feel warm, because no, he certainly wasn’t getting mixed signals.

James seems to take this as agreement, taking off his glasses and dropping them on the towel, and the next second, Regulus is being pulled to the water. He isn’t even given time to get terrified until he trips forward and becomes fully submerged - but there’s nothing to be afraid of, because it literally feels like a pool. There aren’t any rocks to step on, just sand, and there isn’t anything in the water. 

Regulus laughs, wiping the water off his face before James dives down and then comes back above water, shaking his head so that the water in his hair is flicked into Regulus’ face. The rain is still falling.

He doesn’t know why he trusts James so much- why he even likes him. Sure, at first, it was just basic attraction - James is hot, okay - but Regulus wouldn’t get into the ocean in the pouring rain for someone just because he wants to fuck them. He has standards, and he’s not desperate.

But he has no regrets, because the water is clear, and the rain is falling, and James is coming closer, wrapping his arm around Regulus’ waist, and Regulus just can’t help but lean in, breathing heavily.

James’ eyes drop to his lips, just for a flicker of a second, and Regulus wants- god, he hasn’t wanted anything this much in months, maybe years. Regulus doesn’t open up easily, actively avoids it, actually. He doesn’t understand what makes this so different - maybe it’s the fact that he’s leaving the ship in a week, or maybe it’s James, or maybe Regulus is changing, but whatever the reason, Regulus feels like he’s falling.

James breathes in hesitantly, and then looks down again, this time purposeful. When he speaks, Regulus can just barely hear it over the wind. “Can I kiss you?”

It’s just the second day.

He thinks that, despite the inevitable hurt, if this is what can come out of two days, he’d be willing to try for seven. And if James isn’t just messing with his heart… maybe more. As much as Regulus can get.

That thought is all it takes for Regulus to pull James down by the neck and kiss him. 

It feels like something out of a movie. Or maybe a song, or a book. Like he’s just been made the protagonist in some cheesy YA romcom. Whatever it is, it’s perfect. James responds immediately, as if he was waiting for it - he probably was. Regulus would understand. 

It’s soft at first, almost careful, but then James lowers his hands and lifts Regulus up so his legs are wrapped around James’ hips under the water and then they’re kissing. Regulus’ hands find their way to James’ hair and James’ fingertips feel like fire on Regulus’ skin. He barely notices the rain calming down, so overwhelmed by the feeling of James against him. 

Regulus pushes in closer, wanting, needing to feel more of James’ skin on his own. It’s not everyday he gets to make out with the guy of his dreams on the beach of a private island, right? He has to make the most of it - it’s only natural.

When they finally pull apart to breathe, James’ lips move to Regulus’ jaw, and Regulus can’t help but smile and sigh, taking in the moment. He must have been a saint in his past life to deserve this - or maybe it’s karma for all his shitty childhood. He’ll take it. He’ll take anything James is willing to give him.

“Regulus,” James murmurs, and Regulus can feel it on his neck, making him inhale sharply and look back down at James, who’s still holding him. “Fuck, you drive me crazy.”

Oh, really? Does James have any idea what he looks like?

“ ‘Technically’ could get you fired, right?” is what Regulus says instead, still slightly breathless. He’d like to kiss James again.

James laughs, shifting his arms and dropping Regulus slightly so that he’s now at eye level, just a little more under the water, so it’s up to his waist. “I wouldn’t risk that for just anyone,” he says, a mischievous grin on his face. “But for you? Worth it.”

And if that doesn’t make Regulus’ heart flutter and his stomach fill with butterflies. What has James done to him? He can’t even be upset about it- can’t even be pissed off at the fact that he’s on the vacation in the first place, because it’s led him to this man.

Regulus doesn’t say that, though. He doesn’t mention the effect that James has on him, or that he’d like to do this again sometime, or is it too early to ask you to change ships and move to California? How long is your contract? Could we make long-distance work? Is it crazy that I’m already planning a future with you? Am I stupid for thinking you could be someone I fall for?

He just kisses him again.

 

-

 

“You’re kidding,” says Barty over the phone, and Regulus grimaces. Since returning to the ship and dropping Dora off with her friends at the Teens’ Room, which thankfully, just had Mary working it at the moment, his brain seemed to kick in. 

What the fuck had he been thinking?

“I really wish I was,” Regulus mutters, looking through the TV selection. There’s nothing interesting that he hasn’t already watched. 

“I think this is great for you,” comes Pandora’s voice. “Andy told you to let more people in this summer! And you’ve met someone!”

“Someone who literally works on a ship, and who I won’t see again after this week.”

“But he’s hot,” Barty points out, “And you’ve already kissed him, so… what’s the harm?”

Regulus sighs. “Evan, please be logical here.”

There’s a bit of shuffling, which Regulus assumes is Evan grabbing the phone from Barty before he speaks, “As the voice of reason, it’s stupid, because you won’t see each other again and you’ll just end up hurt.”

“Thank you-”

“But as your friend,” Evan continues, “You haven’t dated anyone properly in years, and you’re describing him like he’s some kind of god-”

“-Yeah, hey, can we get some pictures to confirm-?”

“- and he asked to spend time together later, and you’re considering it.” Regulus pauses at Evan’s words, mentally fighting it, even though it’s true. When James had finally checked his watch and seen that he needed to get back on the ship for his shift, he had told Regulus to meet him by the Sports Court around six. Regulus had raised an eyebrow at that, but James hadn’t given any more explanation. 

They hadn’t done anything more than kissing. Regulus outright refused to do anything on the beach, though James also didn’t ask - not that they actually had much time, because only a few minutes into wandering hands and frantic touches was James’ shift alarm going off. 

Regulus had gone back to the beach, ordered a cocktail, and waited another hour or so until Dora called and said they were ready to go back to the ship. He still isn’t sure whether ‘hooking up’ includes making out, or if James hadn’t yet pushed the limits of his contract. Not that it mattered, apparently.

“And you also said that he could get fired for that, right? I looked it up, and he could. They’re pretty strict about that stuff, apparently, so…I don’t think he would just be doing this for no reason. So, maybe, just possibly, you’d be able to work it out?”

“But even if-”

“And even if it’s long distance, Reg, be real. You weren’t planning on dating anyone else when you get back anyway.”

Fuck. Evan is right. 

“I hate this.”

“Hate that I’m right, or hate that I’m wrong?” Evan pauses, “But I’m right, by the way.”

Regulus doesn’t answer, which is an answer in itself. 

“You know,” Barty gets the phone back, “Out of all of us, I really didn’t expect you to be the one to have a summer fling.”

“Blame Dora. And Taylor Swift.” He doesn’t give more of an explanation as he ends the call, then rolls over and screams into his pillow. 

 

-

 

Regulus does end up going to the Sports Court, after spending fifteen minutes finding it. Dora is still hanging out with her friends, and Andy and Ted are “giving him some freedom” as if Regulus wouldn’t usually use it to just sit in his room and read. 

He feels incredibly awkward standing here, but at least the rain had ended a few hours ago - replaced with a slight ocean breeze and a gorgeous sunset. There’s music blasting, Party In the USA, which reminds Regulus that it’s the Fourth of July. If he were to go to the main deck, he’d see a bunch of people dancing and getting drunk, and Regulus kind of wishes he could join them - the getting drunk part, not the dancing - but he does need to make sure Dora doesn’t stay out all night. Responsible adult it is.

He stands there for a few more minutes, resting his arms on the railing. He doesn’t think he’d really mind it, going on more cruises, as long as he didn’t have to get off the ship - though with James, maybe he’d like that, too. He’s not entirely sure how much time passes before there’s someone calling his name, and Regulus turns around sharply.

He blinks, looking around the court before noticing James’ head peeking out of a door that says Crew Only. Huh. Regulus waits a moment, narrowing his eyes, before trying to look casual and make his way to James.

James waits until he’s a few feet away and then smiles, opening the door fully and leaning against it. “There’s a camera right over there,” he says, pointing at the net around the basketball court. Regulus looks at it closely, seeing it point directly where Regulus had been standing. 

“That’s… not creepy at all.”

James just laughs, looking back and forth for a second before taking a step back and holding the door open for Regulus. “For security reasons only, but just to be safe... You’re wearing all black, so people might think you’re just new and don’t have a nametag yet, don’t worry. Plus, you kind of look like one of our performers- anyway, just act like this is normal.”

Right. Regulus can do that. James doesn’t take his hand, and Regulus kind of wishes that he would, but he understands it. They go through another door and then up some stairs - the crew area seems to really lack in decoration, Regulus notices - and then another door, and-

Oh. James is just set on making Regulus catch his breath every second they spend together, isn’t he? 

They must be at one of the highest parts of the ship - it was gorgeous just two floors down, but this? He doesn’t have to look through the blue-tinted screens, which should make him anxious because there’s nothing except for a railing to prevent him from falling over, but it doesn’t. It’s completely empty, quiet, and the wind is just a bit stronger, but just enough to be comfortable. The sun is just at the bottom of the horizon, and they have a perfect view of the island. 

James sneaks up behind him, then wraps his hands around Regulus’ waist. Regulus would usually push the touch away, but he finds that he doesn’t really mind. 

“You’ll see why I brought you here in a few minutes,” James says quietly, pressing a kiss to Regulus’ hair. “Almost everyone’s either working or downstairs.”

Regulus hums, taking in more of the view. He’d like to turn around and kiss James senseless, but he can wait a few minutes. He thinks that if it’s something James wants to show him, it’s going to be exceptional.

There’s a few seconds of comfortable silence - though it’s not really silent, they still hear the music and people below them, before James takes Regulus’ hands off the railing and lifts them up. Regulus twists his head around, a confused look on his face, and James just laughs.

“Like The Titanic , c’mon-”

“Do not even mention the Titanic while we’re on a ship!” Regulus yanks his hands out of James’ grip, but his tone is joking. Still- seriously?

If anything, it makes James laugh harder, but he takes a step to the side so that he’s now next to Regulus. “What, you don’t like it?”

Regulus shakes his head. “I do. But not now. I’d really like to not think about it.”

“Would you be Jack or Rose?”

“ James-”

“I think I’d be Jack,” James continues musing, “But I wouldn’t die.”

“Oh god.”

“They don’t have the Titanic on streaming here, unfortunately.”

Regulus shakes his head, trying to hide his grin. “For good reason. What if you’ve just jinxed us?”

James snaps his fingers, like he’s got the answer memorized and has repeated it several times, “We’ve got 18 lifeboats with a capacity of 6,600 people, meanwhile we’ve got less than 6,000 passengers on board right now. Didn’t you watch the safety video?”

Regulus raises an eyebrow and pretends like the fact that James just has all that memorized isn’t insanely hot. “The people on the Titanic thought they were safe, too.”

“The people on the Titanic were lied to. You wanna know what’s worse than watching the Titanic on a cruise ship?”

“You’ll tell me anyway.”

Regulus is right, and James turns around so he’s facing him, taking one of his hands in his again. “Well, before my first ship- it was starting in Seattle and the training’s in the Philippines, so I had a long flight. And you know how there’s limited movies, and everything? Right, well, at the time, I decided to watch this movie- have you seen it? The Meg?”

Regulus blinks, then punches James in the shoulder. “Why the fuck would you watch that before getting on a ship? For months!”

James grimaces, “It was a horrible idea. I thought it’d be fine, and it was- in the moment, it wasn’t that bad, right? But the crew cabins are at the bottom of the ship, and so we had this window in our cabin, my friend and I, and it was just above the water. And I would literally wake up in the middle of the night for the first few weeks with nightmares that a giant shark fin was right by the window.”

“Did your friend at least tell you that you were stupid?”

“Mm, yes. But he was stupid as well, because he watched The Titanic on the flight over. We bonded over that.”

“I can’t decide which one’s worse,” Regulus says, eyes on where James is rubbing his hand gently. He’s an absolute idiot, but Regulus would like it if he was his idiot. “Are you still friends with him?”

“Oh, yeah,” James’ eyes light up. “We were on Alaska for a few months before he was moved to an Australia ship, where he met his now-husband, but then we were moved into the same room on the Panama cruise as well. Bit of a coincidence, that, and he kept sneaking out to spend time with Remus- that’s his husband’s name, but they weren’t married at the time. Then Remus was about to be moved to a different ship, so they eloped and filled out a bunch of paperwork and Remus stayed. Then, I had two shorter contracts - Mediterranean and Australia - we kept in touch, but then all three of us were moved to this ship after those contracts ended.”

“So, this is the ice skater best friend?”

James nods. “Definitely my platonic soulmate- he’d like to meet you, you know.”

“You’ve told him about me?” Regulus can’t help but smile. 

“Yeah- you know, there’s a skating session tomorrow,” James mentions casually, “If you wanted to check it out. With Dora, of course…I could tell them to look out for the gorgeous man following a thirteen-year-old with bright pink hair?”

And that… it really should make Regulus back off. James clearly is very close with his friends, and he calls this guy his platonic soulmate. Sure, Regulus’ friends know about James too, but that’s just over the phone. They don’t even know what James looks like other than what Regulus has said in his rants. Does he really want to put himself up for judgment?

“Well,” Regulus considers, “Tomorrow’s at sea, right?” 

James nods. 

“Then Dora will probably ask me to anyway… and I haven’t been skating in a long time.”

“You used to ice skate?”

Regulus nods, but doesn’t explain further. It was fun while it lasted, but he was never actually going to continue with it. And he’s not going to bring up Sirius when he doesn’t have to - that’s a whole other level of complicated that he doesn’t want James to know about.

It’s not keeping secrets, even though Regulus would be totally fine with doing that; he’s known James for two days, for gods’ sake. But truly, he’s moved on. He doesn’t think about Sirius much anymore, and when it does, it’s not with anger- just… it’s bittersweet. Regulus misses him, and always will, but he’s accepted that they will just never be in each others’ lives anymore. 

He had the chance - Andy knew how to contact him, of course, and he’s pretty sure that she and Sirius call each other every few months or so. But Regulus didn’t want to cause unnecessary trouble, not when he was sure that Sirius would be happier knowing Regulus was out of his life for good. So they just kept it quiet. Andy doesn’t tell Sirius anything about Regulus, and she doesn’t tell Regulus anything about Sirius. Time passes, lives get split apart, and two people have changed. That’s all there is to it.

“Well, then, I think- oh!” A bright flash makes James turn around, and he pulls Regulus to the other side of the deck so he can see-

Fireworks.

Regulus should’ve known, it being the Fourth of July and everything, and yet he’s still surprised. They have a perfect view from here of the fireworks on the right side of the island. The clouds have thankfully moved, but the ship hasn’t - probably for this exact reason. 

Regulus squeezes James’ hand, and he’s not really able to form words. He watches for a few moments as the next few go off, and then he can’t hold himself back any longer. He turns to the side, finding James’ face just inches away, and lets him kiss him. 

Yes, Regulus thinks, he’d like to give this a try.

Notes:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SIRIUS!!
and happy (not) late halloween. we're def just gonna ignore that

unfortunately sirius does not get to be in this chapter :( but we learn a bit abt him!! and he'll join the story veryyy soon
anyway, jegulus <3 owning my heart <3 so gorgeous

who was the person who watched the meg before going a cruise? definitely not me!!!
it was me. im an absolute idiot.
if u don't know of the meg it's just a movie where like the megaladon comes back (i think there's a sequel coming out or smth??) and it eats a bunch of people, boats, etc. and look it's not that scary when you just watch it but when you're ON a ship??? at least for like 12 y/o me, that was terrifying

and i am having the time of my life writing regulus near all these bodies of water. keep not dying reg!!!!
i also don't know why i keep having the urge to get these BRITISH characters to celebrate the fourth of july. I DONT EVEN CELEBRATE THE 4TH OF JULY IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING AND I'M SORRY but i wanted fireworks :(( this was written mainly with sparks fly in mind, as i said, just vibes
i also have a thing for making them kiss in the rain, apparently. again. sparks fly!!!

but FIRST KISSS this is anti-slowburn, we're just going straight into it. i mean, they only have seven days- five left now, so... yeah no time for a slow burn!!

and thank u for the comments and kudos ily!! <3

Chapter 3: it's a cruel summer with you

Summary:

it's new, the shape of your body / it's blue, the feeling i've got

Notes:

background info!
the "royal theater, turn right" place is basically going to this running track that loops around the whole ship. it's just an area outside that's usually pretty empty
formal night is just the night where everyone dresses up and there are a lot of places to take photos, they're usually on sea days

cw(??) for like implied suicidal thoughts, but like, in a half-joking way. like "oh, we're in the middle of the ocean, imagine if i jumped of the ship"

playlist is updated!

Tuesday, July 5: At Sea

Despite it being a sea day, Regulus is sorely disappointed that they apparently have a very busy schedule - according to Dora, of course.

As expected, Regulus didn’t even need to bring up the ice skating - Dora already wanted to try it. Other than that, Dora wants to try the FlowRider, zipline, and rock climbing wall. She also wants to go swimming and check out the waterslides. 

And Regulus must go along with her to ensure that she doesn’t break a limb or worse. 

He thinks that maybe it’s just a bit much to fit into the day, adding on the advice that James had given him - which is that there’ll be lengthy lines for all of the activities. Either way, they have another sea day, so Dora decides to move the swimming activities - FlowRider and waterslides to the next sea day, and leave the rest for today.

Regulus, at least, gets to sleep in for once in his life, but it doesn’t help much because his internal clock wakes him up at seven anyway. 

The rest of the morning is a bit of a blur - he gets breakfast, and then Dora runs into her friend Charlie and his brother Bill and their other five siblings. The mother looks incredibly stressed, and Dora ends up inviting Charlie (and along with him, Bill) to join her again- which the mother, Molly, she introduces herself as, looks very hesitant about. 

Regulus decides to step in, because he’s already going to be watching Dora for the rest of the day, so why not add another two kids? Molly still looks hesitant until Regulus tells her that he’s a high school teacher, and she almost seems eager to let them go with him, just asking that they meet in the buffet again at two for lunch. 

So, now Regulus is stuck with three incredibly hyper teenagers. He’s at least able to talk with Bill a bit, who’s going into his sophomore year of high school, about something while Charlie and Dora take their shot at the rock climbing wall. Bill is actually quite smart and they make good conversation, despite Bill being a decade younger than Regulus (which makes him feel old). 

Regulus gets the idea, based on the way Bill almost doesn’t seem to know what to do with his newfound freedom of the day, that he’s usually stuck watching one of his younger siblings. Being the younger sibling, Regulus can’t really relate, but he tries to convince Bill to do the wall as well- which somehow ends up with him being dared to race against Bill.

And Regulus really fucking hates heights. But he’s a pushover, so. He does the fucking rock climbing wall.

He only makes it about ten feet up, and then he accidentally looks down - and it’s not far from the ground, but he has a perfect view of the ocean, which is a very far fall. He holds on until his hands are shaking too much, and then falls to the ground (which is terrifying for a split second until the harness catches him) meanwhile Bill makes it all the way up.

It was Regulus’ plan all along, of course. Obviously.

The skating session is at six, but Dora insists they need to start lining up around five-thirty. He thinks that waiting in line for half an hour will actually be relaxing especially with how busy he is the rest of the day.

He, thankfully, does not get peer-pressured into ziplining, but he thinks that’s only because Dora knows that he’ll have to go on their excursion. After that, they drop off Bill and Charlie with Molly, who thanks Regulus profusely and insists they all have lunch together. 

Then, because they have spare time and it’s open, Dora decides she wants to be dropped off at the Teens’ Room. This is not at all because Regulus was dropping hints at it.

Either way, his day gets about five times better when he sees James at the entrance. The Teens’ Room works in shifts where it’s open, and it seems that James is always there at the beginning of the shift, and throughout the middle, and Mary shows up around the middle and to the end. So, most of the time, there are two people, but sometimes it’s just one of them. 

Right now, it’s just James. And there are two kids inside, which Dora immediately jumps to, but they’re just playing cards, so…

So, Regulus really doesn’t do anything risky. He just smiles, finding it easier than ever, and James smiles back, and then there’s a casual conversation-

“So, how’s your first day at sea?”

“Horrendous. I was coerced into climbing the rock wall.”

“And it didn’t fall into the ocean?”

“Oh, very funny, James-”

Until Regulus can’t pretend that it’s just casual anymore, and he decides to visit the bar for the first time, getting a watered down drink that he deems just fine for still watching over Dora. He opens his book when finding a chair on the deck, and he feels… relaxed. For once. 

It’s strange, because he’s really alright when he’s home - sure, he has a bit of a hard time maintaining a good work-life balance, and yes, sometimes he ignores his friends for days until they come knocking down his door and dragging him out to a club, but that’s just his life. He’s in his twenties, and for destroying his very well-planned but miserable future back when he was eighteen, he thinks he’s doing perfectly fine.

He nearly finishes re-reading his book (it takes longer this time because of annotations, planning out essay prompts, multiple choice questions, etc.) when his alarm goes off - 5:15, so he leaves to pick up Dora.

The secret glances he gives Regulus as he spots him and then goes to get Dora shouldn’t make Regulus’ heart warm as it does, but he can’t help it. He isn’t sure whether it’s because it’s a secret, or because it’s James, but either way- he doesn’t want it to end. He knows that he has an excursion tomorrow, and James has work, but when can he seem him again? When can he kiss him again? What will they do when the ship returns to its original port, and they no longer have the fact that Regulus needs to come here every day? What will happen when Regulus can’t come here everyday?

He doesn’t know how to define what he has with James. Is it dating? It can’t be just sex, because they haven’t even had sex. It feels like dating, despite Regulus having never really done that before. It’s terrifying to be putting so much on the line when there’s a clear ending in sight.

But James just smiles, handing the pen over for Regulus to sign Dora out, and there’s an answer: one of the cards from the Teens’ Room with its number/contact info on it, but on the back, a short note that says 7 pm, deck 5 - royal theater, turn right.

Regulus keeps his face blank aside from a small grin and a glance back. James isn’t looking by the time he does, but that’s fine. They’ll figure it out. They have time. Five more days, but James isn’t going to let go easily. And neither will Regulus.

 

-

 

It takes about twenty minutes for them to find the rink, so there’s a line. Regulus, thankfully, remembered to bring Dora a jacket, as she complains that it’s cold within a few minutes of waiting.

As soon as they’re in the room, Regulus cranes his neck to see who’s manning the line. There’s a tall man with tawny hair and scars across his face, and Regulus wonders if this is James’ best friend - he notices the redhead, Lily, along with a blonde woman, on the other side of the rink, cleaning a table and laying out skates for them to use. 

Then, the tall man starts letting people in, checking their keycards. Regulus isn’t stressed - he isn’t. These are James’ friends, and Regulus likes James, so he’ll at least tolerate his friends, right? 

Right.

There are about ten people in front of Regulus and Dora, a few people already on the rink, and then the man- Regulus is close enough to see that his name tag starts with an R but not enough to see what the rest of the scribbled writing says- spots Dora’s hair. His eyes widen, and he looks to Regulus, and-

Well, Regulus doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. Is he supposed to smile?

The R guy finishes scanning the keycard of the person in front of him - a little kid and his mom - and gives them a wristband. Then, he says, “Just a second,” and leaves into a door on the left.

Well. Regulus thinks that’s a bad sign. 

He returns just a few seconds later, a man following behind him with shoulder-length black hair, half of it tied up in a bun, a black jacket over his uniform, a tattoo that Regulus spots on his wrist before thinking oh shit-

It’s Sirius.

Regulus has about half a second to make a decision: he can stay where he is, confront his past, and it’ll either destroy everything or make him the happiest he’s ever been, but with chances leaning heavily toward the former option. Or, he can make a run for it.

Too late. Sirius’ eyes catch on the pink hair, and then that half-second passes, and gray meets gray. Regulus’ breath hitches. 

Regulus wishes that he could tell exactly what Sirius’ first thought is, but he can’t. The other man doesn’t seem to take notice that Sirius has frozen, instead letting in the next two people, scanning their keycards and moving on. Eight people in front of them now. 

Seven.

Four.

Two.

And it all goes too quickly, because Regulus is sure that he was waiting for hours in line, and yet the last ten people are all gone within seconds, and then Sirius is still staring at him and asks, voice breaking, “Regulus?”

The other man’s head snaps up at that - Remus, the name tag says, which makes Regulus realize that this is his… brother in law. Technically. Wow. How is it that he learned more about his brother in the past day from a random man on a boat than he had for a decade?

It’s his fault, he knows, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

He avoids looking at Sirius and practically shoves Dora forward - not actually, of course, but Dora looks at him, surprised, and then at Sirius. She raises an eyebrow at Regulus, sensing the awkwardness, but gives Remus her keycard.

Remus clearly knows Regulus’ name, now looking at him with suspicion. Had James known? Had Sirius told him about Regulus? He doesn’t have a common name, and if James had known - had specifically avoided saying his best friend’s name because Regulus would have realized-

As soon as Remus is done checking Dora in, Regulus says, “I won’t be skating,” and hurries off. He didn’t take the chance to run when he could have, and now he’s just seeing how long he can hide for.

Not long, because the second Dora is on the rink- and Regulus is eyeing the exit even though the only way to get to it is past Remus and the line- there’s a hand that grabs Regulus’ arm and pulls him past a curtain.

What the fuck?

“What the fuck are you doing here?” 

Well, Regulus had almost been enjoying himself until his estranged brother showed up out of nowhere.

He tries to organize what he knows:

1. Sirius Black is apparently an ice skater for a cruise line. He is married to Remus, who is also an ice skater for a cruise line. 
2. Sirius is best friends with James, who Regulus kissed yesterday and would have really liked to kiss again. James has most likely told Sirius that the man with Dora - aka, Regulus - had kissed James yesterday. That means Sirius knows that Regulus is not straight, and he may or may not know other details about Regulus’ life depending on how much James told him - maybe his career, or where he lives, or what book he was reading yesterday.
3. Regulus has not seen Sirius in a decade. And now Sirius is standing right in front of him. They are alone.

All in all, Regulus is fucked. There’s no way out of this conversation. He wishes he could turn invisible.

But he can’t, and so he must respond to Sirius instead of staring blankly: “What are you doing here?”

His brain is a bit scrambled at the moment. Don’t blame him for the horrible response.

“I work here,” Sirius says, and he sounds angry, but he looks sad. It’s all- Regulus had thought leaving Sirius behind was simple, but it’s complicated. Everything about them is complicated, and Regulus won’t ever be able to change that, will he?

“You’re-” Sirius stumbles over his words, placing his hands on his hips and pacing back and forth. “That was Andy’s kid.”

Regulus just nods.

“And you’re… you’re James’…”

That’s a bit tougher to define, but Regulus nods again.

“How much did you lie to him?”

Regulus blinks. “I…didn’t.”

“You don’t live in California,” Sirius says stubbornly, continuing to pace. “You’re not- well, I didn’t know you were gay! And- and he said that you’re… a teacher? A high school teacher? You can’t just- keep messing around with-”

“Why are you so convinced that’s all a lie?” Regulus scoffs, walking up to Sirius. “ You don’t know a thing about me. The last time you saw me was years ago- a decade! Is it so astronomically impossible to think that maybe I’ve changed? I’m not fourteen anymore.”

Sirius tenses as Regulus jabs his pointer finger into his chest, voice raising as he speaks. “And- and really, you think I’d lie to some stranger on a ship? Just… make up extravagant stories about life as a teacher? If I wanted to lie, why the fuck would I lie about that?” He shoves his hand into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet and finding his ID. “There. California. I’ve lived there for six years.”

Sirius stumbles back, running one of his hands through his hair. Regulus isn’t quite sure what to expect - do they just ignore this? There are still four days. Can he just get off at the next port and fly back to California? Goodbye, summer fling, and goodbye, estranged brother. It was fun while it lasted.

“What…” Sirius hesitates, inhaling deeply. He glances past the curtain, where they can just see a few people putting on their skates. Without warning, he grabs Regulus’ arm and leads him further back until they reach a door - it says Crew Only and Regulus feels like he’s basically an honorary member of the crew now, dating one and related to another - and he drags Regulus in. 

For some reason, Regulus doesn’t pull away. Not until they’re standing still and Sirius is staring at him like he wants to memorize his face. Or maybe comparing it to Regulus’ fourteen-year-old face. There are certainly some differences.

“You don’t live with them anymore, do you?” Sirius finally asks, and it’s no question who them is.

Regulus shakes his head. 

“And… and when did…” you leave?

“When I turned eighteen,” Regulus responds. He doesn’t know why he’s opened up so easily the past few days - with James, it was just something about him, but with Sirius…

God, Regulus would never admit it, but now that Sirius has shown up out of the blue, Regulus wants him back in his life. All of those nights wondering about what would happen - could Andromeda get into contact with Alphard? That’s where Sirius ran away to, wasn’t it? Could they be civil again? Could they be brothers again?

It had all seemed foolish, but now, Sirius is standing in front of him. And it doesn’t look like he’s about to cuss Regulus out, and they’re both adults, so Regulus… He’d like to give it a shot.

Look at them being all mature. 

Sirius sighs again, his hands moving from his hair to his pockets to his face, as if trying to figure out how to stand in front of Regulus. Regulus would have the same problem if he wasn’t frozen still, brain moving too rapidly to think about his position.

 “You went to Andy?” he asks, once again after about ten seconds of consideration.

Regulus just nods.

Sirius lets out a harsh sigh and runs another hand through his hair. “Why didn’t she tell me? Why didn’t you- Andy has my number, I got her the fucking discount for the cruise! I- she said that Tonks was going to bring one of her friends, and I thought-”

“Wait, what?” Regulus blinks. “You got her the discount? She knew you were on the ship?”

“I mean, the discount was for the cruise line,” Sirius shrugs, “I wasn’t sure if she’d choose this ship or not, or what dates they were going to book. I just- you could have had my number all these years, and you never- you could have tried- ”

“I didn’t think you’d want me to.”

It’s not what Regulus meant to say - not something he ever planned on voicing, despite it being a persistent thought in the back of his head. And based on the shattered look on Sirius’ face, he probably shouldn’t have. 

But what’s done is done. Regulus wonders whether he should just leave it here - walk out the door and see if Sirius will follow, because he probably won’t. Then just hide away in his cabin and order room service until this cursed week is over. Fuck James and the blasted summer romance that Dora was trying to manifest, and fuck being open to new opportunities, Andy for bringing him along, James again for getting Regulus to meet his friends, and Sirius for not just pretending that Regulus doesn’t exist. 

He would really like to just wallow. Drown in self-pity. He’s in the middle of the ocean, so the thought does cross his head that he could throw himself off, but he thinks that would be traumatizing for Dora, and very painful for him (the drowning part, but also the crashing into water part), so he’ll move it to the worst-case scenario.

“I just…” Regulus pauses, taking a breath in. He can’t do this right now. Whereas Sirius is all impulsive and rash decisions, never taking longer than a split second to think about his actions, Regulus needs time. He needs his thoughts to stew, to go over his options ten million times, and sort out his words in his head before putting them out into the world. 

He’d like a script for this, honestly, and he needs time to make that. “Can we just- not do this?” he avoids eye contact. “Right now. I- don’t you have to work, or something?”

He hates that it comes out as brushing off the situation. He hates that it makes it seem like he doesn’t want to talk to Sirius. He hates that he’s not telling Sirius exactly what he wants to say- what he’s wanted to say for years.

And yet, somehow, Sirius understands.

“I get off at eight,” Sirius says, and Regulus finally looks to see his expression. He can’t read it. “I- some friends and I were gonna go to the buffet when it closes, like nine, but… yeah, we could meet there? Unless you have dinner, or something else, I’m not su-”

“Buffet at nine.” Regulus nods. “Alright.”

Sirius’ face brightens just the slightest. A small smile forms. “Alright?”

“Yeah, Sirius,” Regulus takes a step back, only because- he really needs a chance to calm down. And he just can’t when Sirius is around. But- he’d like to. Be alright around him. “Right.”

 

-

 

He waits until Dora is done with her skating, waiting casually in the seating area as if he didn’t just reunite with his estranged brother of ten years. He pretends that he doesn’t notice the crew eyeing him for the few minutes he’s sitting there.

Then, he realizes that he has double-booked his evening. Triple-booked, actually- because tonight is a ‘Formal Night’ and apparently Andy and Ted want to take photos tonight (so that’s why they told Regulus to pack a suit). Then, there’s dinner, his meeting with James (to whom he has a lot of questions) and his meeting with Sirius (which when he said friends, who did that mean?

He doesn’t have any way to contact James other than visiting the Teens’ Room, but it’s already six-thirty so he doubts that James is still working. Then, he had just assumed he could skip dinner in favor of his meeting with James, but it seems that the special occasion means he cannot - at least not without explaining himself properly. Though he also needs to ask Andy why exactly they’re on a ship with his brother.

So many questions, so little time.

He organizes his night the best he can - he gets ready on his own, though he finds himself hastily doing Dora’s hair at 6:57, and then dropping her off in Andy and Ted’s room before rushing as quickly as he can down the stairs and then to the right. Thank god that James’ meeting place is actually very close to Regulus’ cabin.

He makes it there at 7:02, greeted with the lovely image of James not in his uniform. Not that he looks bad in it - quite the opposite, actually, because it’s James and he looks good in fucking everything. The proof? He’s wearing a button up tropical shirt that should look absolutely ridiculous, and yet he pulls it off.

James’ eyes immediately drop to Regulus’ outfit- a simple black suit that he usually uses for graduations, and he’s aware that he’s definitely very overdressed for what was supposed to be a casual meeting. Not that he’s wearing this for James, but- well. 

It’s a little breezy outside, but it feels cold in comparison to how hot it was earlier that day. Regulus takes a few seconds to catch his breath while James takes a few steps closer, saying, “Hey, Re-”

And then Regulus is reminded of what he wants to ask him. No, James can not just distract him from this.

“Your best friend is Sirius?” He takes a step back, just as James takes one forward. His face is one of confusion. “Did you know?”

James blinks. “Did I know my best friend’s name? …Yes.” He examines Regulus closely, watching as Regulus’ soft smile turns into a grimace. 

“Did you know that he’s my brother?”

And that’s… well, the look on James’ face answers it for him. His eyes widen, shocked, and his hands immediately pull back from where they were reaching out to Regulus. 

So, no. He didn’t. That’s a relief, actually. Regulus doesn’t really know what he’d do if James had said yes, and that this was all a ploy to get them talking again. It would have worked, in any case. But now, Regulus doesn’t know if it changes things. If he wants it to change things.

“You’re- wait, what?” James stammers, “Since when?”

“Since I was born?” Regulus raises an eyebrow. “Did Sirius never tell you he had a brother?”

James shakes his head. “No, he did, it’s just- I mean, it was kind of a sore topic, so… he never mentioned a name or anything. And he said that he’d be in London, studying business or something. I thought your last name was Tonks?”

That’s… actually fair. Regulus never specified, and with Dora being the only relative James knows, it makes sense he’d come to that conclusion. “Well. That’s me. Except I’m not in London, and I don’t study business or something. My last name is Black.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” James huffs out a laugh, running a hair through his hair. “So- you saw him today, then? What…how did he…”

Regulus really wishes that he could pretend to be more upset with James. Somehow, he didn’t mention his name to Sirius - but maybe he referred to Regulus as Reg or Reggie? Or maybe he just didn’t say a name in general, because Regulus hasn’t told Evan or Barty or Pandora James’ name - not on purpose, just because he never really brought it up. There are a million probable reasons as to why his full name wasn’t mentioned.

He relaxes, just slightly. Lets his glare soften. “He said that he and some of his friends are hanging out at the buffet around nine. I’m- I guess that includes you, but he invited me.”

James’ face lights up. “Yeah, yeah, that’s us. So- you two are… talking? I-” he pauses, taking another step forward then and then holding Regulus’ hand in his, which really shouldn’t make Regulus as happy as it does. So, this isn’t changing things. Regulus didn’t want it to. “I don’t know everything about Sirius’ past- I know that he used to live with his uncle? But he never talked much about his family, except he visited mine when we were on breaks.”

He takes a breath, then starts rambling. “What I’m trying to say is that- I don’t know everything, but I know… small bits. And if- I don’t know how or when you started living with your cousin, but I’d like to. God, I really like you, Reg. And what I wanted to tell you today, because I couldn’t yesterday, is that I really don’t do this often. Like, twice, ever. You can ask Sirius. But I’d really like to give it a proper shot with you, and if you want-”

Regulus doesn’t let James embarrass himself any further. He just lifts his hand to James’ jaw and pulls him down into a kiss. 

It’s different, but not because of Sirius. He thinks- despite James’ stammering and random flow of thoughts, that he understands. Because this is a good thing, isn’t it? They have a better chance now, don’t they? With Regulus trying to fix his relationship with Sirius, he also has reasons to stay in touch after the cruise. Reasons to visit. A discount to the cruise line. An excuse to visit crew areas- Regulus doesn’t actually know if that’s true, but it’s an excuse nonetheless. 

James smiles against his lips. It’s relief, and it’s hope, and it’s a beginning. When Regulus pulls away, he blinks a few times, dazedly, and then drops one last peck on Regulus’ lips before exhaling. 

“I’d like that,” Regulus says softly, taking pleasure in the way James’ face brightens. Despite their differences, Regulus knows that Sirius is a good judge of character. So, yes. This is a good thing. They’ll make it one.

But, unfortunately, “I have to go to dinner.”

It’s 7:14, which means he’s already late, not that it matters that much. But he doesn’t have an excuse for Andy, and he’d like to not have Dora prying into his love life just yet. 

James’ eyebrows scrunch in confusion for a second before sighing. “Fuck, I completely forgot about that. But it’s fine- I’ll see you at nine, then, right? You’ll like it. One of our friends is a chef and they let us all in after it’s closed as long as we clean up after ourselves.”

Regulus nods. He’s not entirely sure what to prepare for, but he’s actually glad that Sirius suggested a group setting. He’d like to know Sirius more before getting into- well, everything. Their past, their trauma, Sirius leaving, and Regulus staying. It’s sure to be a lengthy conversation, and Regulus already has enough of those to deal with tonight.

Before he can leave, though, James kisses him again. And then an older couple steps outside, and they immediately pull apart before James starts giggling quietly, and Regulus joins him, and then they turn around a corner to the back of the deck so that the couple can’t see them. And Regulus really should get going, but he can’t help but think what they’d be doing if it weren’t for Regulus’ dinner. 

He won’t know, because he does leave. Fifteen minutes later than planned, but he doesn’t regret a second.

 

-

 

“Wait, so that guy was Sirius ?” Dora exclaims, mouth half full of bread. “He looked so cool.”

Regulus sighs, even though he knew that that was probably exactly how Dora would react. She had asked him when they were first leaving the ice skating rink how the person had known him, because Sirius hadn’t been wearing a nametag, but Regulus had just brushed it off as somebody he used to know.

Dora doesn’t know Sirius well. They’ve talked over phone calls in the past, Regulus is sure, but they never FaceTime because the wifi on Sirius’ side wasn’t so great - now, Regulus knows that it’s because of the ship. He’s pretty sure that Dora had met him a few times when she was really young, but there’s little chance that she remembers that. 

Now, Regulus was questioning Andy. A perfect way to distract her from the fact he was twenty minutes late for dinner. 

Andy glances at Ted, then sighs. “I wasn’t entirely sure if he’d be on this ship, but there was a chance, yes.”

“And why didn’t you tell me?”

“I told you to be open to new opportunities,” Andy says calmly, “And would you have gone along with it if you had known? No. I just think…We were talking last year and I think Sirius would really put in the effort to get to know you again. It’s been ten years, Regulus.”

Regulus scoffs without saying that yes, he does seem to be putting in the effort. And it’s true that Regulus would have refused it a week ago, but he’d like to know Sirius again, too.

That doesn’t mean he has to be happy about it.

“Well, you shouldn’t have gone behind my back about it,” he mutters, “I’m an adult.”

“You’re just a bit stubborn, Reg,” Ted inputs, “We’ve tried to convince you for years. Besides, it’s going well, isn’t it? Don’t blame Andy.”

They both look so hopeful, and Regulus really can’t be angry at them. Not when they’ve done more for him than anyone else. They’ve almost always been right about things, and- well, Andy understands. She’ll never have the chance to reconnect with her sisters, but Regulus has his brother right there. He’d be a fool not to try.

Regulus just sighs. “We’ll see how tonight goes.”

 

-

 

Regulus leaves for the buffet around 8:55. He’ll be a bit late, but that’s good, isn’t it? He doesn’t want to be too early. Meanwhile, Dora reminds him that they have their first excursions tomorrow and he better not be too tired for it. As if that would be a good enough excuse. 

Either way, she swears that she won’t sneak out, and Regulus has reason enough to believe her, because she won’t sabotage her chance at all the excursions this week, and he tells her he should be back in an hour two, but that she better at least try to sleep before then, though he has no disillusions of when she usually falls asleep. He, too, usually reads or works until the early morning hours. 

When he reaches the buffet, it’s clear that it’s supposed to be closed, because the doors that are usually wide open are shut. He wonders if Sirius is going to open them, or if he’s supposed to go around to the other side, because he’s just realized that he has no way of contacting him. 

He decides to go around to the other side and is thankfully met with Sirius waiting by the door. Regulus only feels the slightest bit guilty at making him wait, though he’s only about ten minutes late. 

Sirius perks up as soon as Regulus comes into view, both hesitation and excitement painted on his face. Regulus has a script now. He’s going to act like he usually does around his friends, and if that isn’t enough for Sirius, he is going to hide away for the rest of the cruise and give up on James, and then he will return back to his home and pretend like that week at the beginning of July never happened.

It’s a solid plan.

Regulus, thankfully, had time to change and is no longer in his suit. They had gotten some good pictures, but Regulus has to admit he felt awkward joining Andy, Ted, and Dora- but he wasn’t about to refuse them. 

It just reminds him a bit of the portraits and photos that he had taken back with his parents. Except it felt… good. Lighter. There was less pressure, and less anxiety, and it felt like they were trying to capture a moment rather than an image. 

Now, he’s just in some black jeans and a gray UCLA sweater that he didn’t actually get at UCLA, but some thrift shop about a half hour out from the city. 

“Reggie!” Sirius says, then opens the door and leads him in. 

It’s very empty. Obviously, it is, but without the food or the people- no one behind the bars or in the kitchen, Regulus can’t help but notice it more. There’s a few seconds of awkward tension before Sirius asks, “Did you go to UCLA?”

Regulus would never admit it, but he did choose the sweater as a conversation starter. He went to a community college, half-online and half-in-person for a year before transferring. At the time, he was also working two jobs to pay for tuition- though only halfway, because Andy and Ted matched the rest. He tried to pay them back when he was able to, but they wouldn’t accept it. Figures, because all Blacks are stubborn, and Andy isn’t an exception.

“Yeah. I studied literature.”

Sirius just nods along, “That makes sense.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Sirius gives him a funny look, “You were always so caught up in your books. Seemed like you liked it more than real life.”

He did. It doesn’t take a genius to understand why. Call it escapism, but he’s made a living out of it and won’t shame himself for it. Sirius faced everything head-on and then dealt with the walls crumbling down on him. Regulus buried it deep and hid inside his mind until he slipped out in the quiet of the night and didn’t turn back. In a way, he’s still hiding - just in California, not a book. He never did say good-bye.

“Did you? Go to college?” Regulus switches subjects. He spots a table filled with people over in the corner, a small section that is decidedly not empty. It’s filled with laughter and joy and it’s the brightest part of the room. Figures that it’s Sirius’ friends. 

“Ah, no,” Sirius shakes his head. “I thought about it, but…well. I spent most of my time on the rink and applied to a few things before deciding on this. I wanted to get out of London, out of England as a whole. Started on a different ship at nineteen, then I met James… and Remus.”

Regulus is about to ask more about Remus- he’s not entirely sure what to say about James yet, but then one of the people at the table spots Sirius walking over, Regulus trailing to the side but just slightly behind. 

Regulus can recognize a few of them. Obviously, there’s James, but he’s got his back to them right now. Regulus can recognize his hair. Then, on his right is the redhead skater- Lily, if he remembers correctly, and Mary next to her, laughing about something. There’s an empty spot to the left of James, which Regulus assumes is for Sirius, and then Remus on the side of that. 

On the other side of the table, Regulus notices the blonde skater from earlier that day with her arm around a woman with long braids that Regulus doesn’t know. There’s an empty seat next to them and then another man that Regulus doesn't recognize.

Overall, it’s not horrible. At least Regulus knows - or knows of - most of them. Group situations still aren’t his favorite, but he’ll put himself through it. For Sirius.

He comes alive as he walks toward the table, clearly comfortable with these people. Regulus would be jealous of it if it weren’t for the logic that he has quite literally been avoiding any kind of relationship with Sirius for years. So. This is really his fault. Doesn’t mean he has to be happy about it. 

He’s a bit surprised when Sirius jumps into introductions, though Regulus really hadn’t known what to expect in the first place. There’s still a little spark in his chest, a warmth that he’s been missing for a decade, when Sirius tells them that Regulus is his brother, and that Sirius just hadn’t known he was going to be coming with their cousins. 

There are varied reactions. It’s obvious to Regulus who knows a bit about Sirius’ family, who knows more, and who knows absolutely nothing. Remus is staring him down. The blonde skater and Lily are looking at him with some confusion and hesitance. But everyone else is eager to say hi and welcome him to their group, though the woman with the braids mentions, “He really shouldn’t be here after hours.”

She’s still in her uniform unlike the others, Regulus notices. He assumes that she’s some kind of manager and he’s about to be in trouble, but Sirius just brushes it off. “C’mon, Dorcas, I haven’t seen him in ages.” Then, he eyes the chair and goes to one of the other tables to grab a chair and set it in between the empty one and James. “There- alright. Hey, where’s Alice?”

Regulus hesitantly takes the seat, trying not to look at James. If Dorcas is some kind of manager, then he can get away with just being a relative. But he’d really like to not get James fired. However, if they somehow manage to pass it off as them having known each other before this week…

Nope. Not happening. He distracts himself with the conversation going on, and Mary who bends forward and says, “Oh- you’re the cousin of Tonks! No way, Sirius, you didn’t tell me your cousin was gonna be with us!”

There’s a muttered “I didn’t know either,” that Regulus is pretty sure only he and Remus can hear, before Sirius just shrugs. “They surprised me. I thought they’d be going to Mexico or something. Anyway, Lily and Marlene here are the other skaters-”

Regulus gets introduced to Marlene, the blonde, and Dorcas, who she’s apparently “not” dating, but Sirius says it while making air quotes, so Regulus guesses that they are. Or maybe they’re just hooking up. He doesn’t know, and he doesn’t really care. Next to them is Frank, who is married to Alice- but Alice is the cook that Sirius had mentioned, and is probably just finishing up some stuff in the kitchen. Usually, they’re also joined by Peter, but he has apparently switched up his shifts over the past few weeks, so he’s currently working outside by the pool.

The group splits off into a few smaller conversations while waiting for Alice. Regulus eavesdrops on what Remus and Sirius are talking about, though it seems like a recurring conversation about some choreography that Regulus really doesn’t understand. Sirius looks happy, though. 

Regulus finds that Dorcas is the only one from the states as well, and everyone else is from pretty much all around the world. She’s from the East Coast, studied Marine Biology until she realized she was not at all interested in that and just wanted to be surrounded by the ocean. She’s the cruise director now, just a few years older than them and working with the cruise line for seven years, and needs to leave to supervise a Trivia night in an hour. 

Marlene’s from Germany and went on a bunch of cruises as a kid, so when she got into ice skating, she knew exactly where she wanted to apply. She’s got ten million inside jokes with Sirius, and Regulus pretends like that doesn’t make him jealous at all. 

He finds that Lily, despite her initial hesitance, is actually really easy to talk to. Apparently, she was stuck between studying Literature as well in college or pursuing ice skating. She chose the more conventional route at first and finished getting her degree before applying to the cruise line on a whim. She hasn’t looked back since, but it’s nice to speak to someone else - other than Remus, who is apparently a bookworm, too - with a similar obsession. 

He purposefully ignores James, but he feels his eyes on him the whole night. Even when Alice eventually shows up, bringing a few plates from the crew buffet, and Marlene brings out a pack of cards and everyone throws themselves into a game of Uno. About halfway through their second game, there’s a hand on his thigh- not doing anything, just sitting there. Regulus shifts his deck to his other hand to rest his hand on top of James’, a small smile pulling at the edge of his lips. 

Quite frankly, the most surprising thing is how much Regulus enjoys himself. He’s only met most of these people less than an hour ago. Regulus needs to get along well with people for his job, but that usually just consists of small talk and discussions about grades. He doesn’t just- click with people. At least not right off the bat. Barty and Evan took months of sitting next to him in classes and inviting him places before he finally agreed. Pandora spent her entire first school year teaching talking to a non-responsive Regulus in the staff room. 

And yet, he feels himself unfolding here. There’s a casual vibe surrounding them, the idea that they’re all light and carefree. They’re in their mid to late twenties and just playing card games while stealing food from each other’s plates on a random day in July in the middle of the Caribbean Sea. 

Dorcas does leave when her alarm goes off, asking everyone to beat Marlene for her- with the number of cards that Marlene has in her hands at the moment, Regulus doesn’t think that’ll be hard. 

Despite it being a group event, Regulus finds that he learns bits and pieces about Sirius - it’s hidden in the inside jokes he shares, and the memories his friends bring up, and the threats they pull out when he has one card left. 

Sirius got married in Italy. It was incredibly short because they needed to get all the paperwork done before their next contract got set up. 

He can’t surf for shit. Apparently, even though Sirius has been on cruises for longer than James and the fact that he figure skates, which requires a good amount of balance, he never got the hang of it, whereas James was just an automatic natural. Sirius still falls after fifteen seconds- which is impressive to Regulus, but he’ll never admit it. 

He actually hates the Caribbean cruises and hopes he can go somewhere dryer because the humidity ruins his hair. This - though it probably shouldn’t - also fills Regulus’ head with some hope. The West Coast is pretty dry, isn’t it?

He’s rich. He got some kind of inheritance, which reminds Regulus that their Uncle Alphard had died the year before, but Regulus hadn’t really thought much of it because he was never close to him. He should ask Sirius about that, but anyway. He really doesn’t need to work, but he does it anyway because he loves it.

But it’s not like he’s going to let this progress go backward, right? He’ll get Sirius’ number. Maybe- whenever he gets a break, Regulus will invite him and Remus to California. 

One by one, the group splits apart. Frank is first, and Alice goes with him, because apparently he’s got an early shift- he runs the FlowRider and supervises the waterslides. Then, Marlene goes, and the others tease her about the fact that Dorcas’ trivia would be over by now, and that those two facts are entirely unrelated. Despite not knowing anything about their history, Regulus laughs along with everyone. 

Finally, it’s just the skaters, Regulus, and James and Mary. Regulus knows that James technically has the early shift - he always does, and yet he makes no move to leave. Regulus checks the time, knowing that eleven is far later than he expected to ever be out the whole cruise- but he makes a split-second decision. 

He squeezes James’ hand, which hasn’t left his thigh all night, and says that he’d better get back to his cabin because he’s apparently got to go ziplining tomorrow. 

Sirius- well, it’s almost comical how quickly he jumps to it, saying, “No way? You finally got over that fear of heights?”

Regulus narrows his eyes and says, deadpan, “No. I’m going to die.” 

Sirius blinks.

“Dora is a menace, and I very much do not want to zipline,” he sighs. “But Andy and Ted booked some- spa thing? Or that was yesterday. A yoga lesson?”

The grin on Sirius’ face grows. “You’re a total softie for Tonks, then?”

“No.”

“Oh, come on-”

“Didn’t you go on the rock climbing wall for her, too?” James teases, and Regulus gasps dramatically with betrayal. “‘Coerced,’ was it?”

“That was for her friend- fucking hell, no, nevermind. I’m definitely leaving now-”

“Hey, no, wait-” Sirius gets up, grabbing Regulus’ arm before he can leave. He pauses for a second, and Regulus waits for him to say something. “Uh- we have a show tomorrow night. Will you…It’d mean a lot- um, well-”

Regulus nods, trying not to show how affected he is. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be there.”

There’s another second of awkward silence, as Sirius grapples with the fact that Regulus said yes- but then Regulus takes a few steps back, and then he’s turning around and waving good-bye. 

He waits outside the door. This is a bad idea. 

But also- 

This is the happiest he’s ever been.

His mood is brightened even further when, only three minutes later, the door is opening, and James looks around, eyes scanning from right to left before landing on Regulus and walking towards him as if there’s a gravitational pull connecting the two of them. 

He stops two steps before reaching Regulus, and Regulus tries not to be disappointed. There’s a casual distance between them. A friendly distance.

“We have an excuse now,” James says quietly, and Regulus smiles. “You’re- I’m not reading this wrong, right-?”

Regulus immediately shakes his head, and if they weren’t right in front of several elevators in a very public area, he would already be kissing him. Instead, James gestures for Regulus to follow him and leads him to the crew elevators. 

They don’t kiss there as James talks casually about technicalities of rules and the fact that security cameras don’t record audio, or as James leads him down the hallway, or when he finally takes Regulus’ hand and they rush down the empty corridor. Regulus doesn’t even know which room they’re stopping at, but he gets thrown to a halt as James stops in front of a door and unlocks it. 

He’s prepared for it, but he also isn’t - as soon as the door is shut, Regulus is pushed against it, James’ mouth on his. It’s desperate, with Regulus’ hands making their way to James’ hair, pulling, and James reaching under his sweater as soon as he can. 

“Fuck,” James mutters, his voice breathless, “I’ve been wanting to do this all day- god, that suit-” 

Regulus’ thoughts are incoherent as he’s struck by the fact that he can make James feel even a fraction of what James does to him. Summer fling, my ass. He’s already in too deep. 

Before long, Regulus’ sweater is thrown to the ground, nothing underneath, and Regulus glances around the room. It’s tiny, especially compared to his cabin. There’s the essentials, no window, and then two bunk beds - Regulus sincerely hopes that James has the bottom one, or else he’ll have to offer an apology in advance to his roommate. Speaking of-

“Your roommate?” he asks, letting out a gasp at James’ mouth pressing kisses down his chest. “He won’t be-”

“No,” James looks up, “His shift ends at one, and then he’ll probably get some food before coming back. We have time. Unless you-?”

Regulus really should make it back to his cabin before midnight. He really does have to wake up early tomorrow, and he knows that Dora will see through his excuses- but he can’t find it in himself to care. He shakes his head. 

And that’s the end of their talking for the night.

Notes:

SIRIUS SIRIUS SIRIUS!!!! the star of the chapter. i truly did start this fic with the intention of having zero angst whatsoever but like... well the scene wrote itself. it's the black brothers, what did you expect?

meanwhile regulus with dora <3 i just love them so much.

again i've never worked on a cruiseship, so reg is prob breaking a bunch of rules, but like, it's for jegulus, so...let's just ignore itLKJFD
but regulus in a suit. james was DYING

anyway, this was a much longer chapter!! because the fic is split up by days, word counts aren't gonna be super consistent, there was just a lot going on this chapter

thank you for reading!! and commenting!! ily <3

Chapter 4: day 4: lost in your current like a priceless wine

Summary:

i'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night / rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife

Notes:

playlist is updated!

Wednesday, July 6: Labadee, Haiti

Regulus doesn’t have any regrets. He really should- he’s sore, and it’s hot, and they’re on a bus that’s going up a mountain and Regulus really can’t look anywhere other than the ground in front of him because he’s fucking terrified.

But honestly? All of that has nothing to do with James and everything to do with Dora. So, no, he will not regret the night before. He will regret ever offering to help out with watching his little cousin.

He’s also been embarrassed enough for one day- James apparently left a hickey that he hadn’t noticed the night before, though he had showered using James’ bathroom in hopes of not waking Dora up (she was 100% awake, and Regulus just pretended he didn’t see the phone light turn off as soon as he opened the door). So, he had to borrow Dora’s concealer - his thirteen year old cousin, Dora’s - to cover it . 

It’s horrible, because she obviously knows that he wasn’t just hanging out with friends the night before. But also, Regulus has plenty of blackmail on her, so he isn’t too worried about her snitching on him. 

That doesn’t mean she isn’t an absolute devil, though, because Regulus forgot his earbuds, and so Dora generously offered to share hers (that was the first sign, and Regulus ignored it), and now he has Taylor’s I Can See You blasting in his ears. It has been this song for the past hour. He doesn’t know whether this or Cruel Summer was worse- probably this, because she’s actively teasing him. He doesn’t like it.

They drive for a few more minutes before they stop at some practice zipline thing, though Regulus thinks that this is already tall enough for him. 

He manages it. Somehow, he does, and he has no idea how. He feels like he wants to throw up. It doesn’t help that they immediately get brought back to the bus and then they’re on their way again. Up, up, and up. 

He’s feeling slightly nauseous by the time they reach the top; it’s ironic, but focusing on the lyrics blasting through his ears is pretty much the only thing preventing him from not recognizing just how high they are and vomiting because of it. 

When they get there, he’s gripping the railings so hard he could pop a blood vessel. He refuses to look down, barely taking in the safety information. They choose people based on volunteering, and Regulus sends Dora such a sharp look that even she raises her hands in surrender, though her gaze clearly says: You’re going to have to do it at some point.

They end up being the last ones. Maybe- maybe Regulus can just ask the workers if they can drive him back down. But no, he remembers that they’re going down the zipline after him. Fucking fantastic.

He watches Dora go down with an excited whoop, and now Regulus really has to go down.

They give him a countdown.

He doesn’t hear it.

The first two seconds are just him thinking that he’s going to plummet to his death, and he’ll never fully rekindle his relationship with Sirius, and he’ll never get to kiss James again, or make him laugh, or see his smile-

But then, he opens his eyes. 

He’s not falling. 

He’s aware that he’s still screaming, but something about looking out at the horizon- it reminds him of that night with James and the fireworks. He had been this high up before, hadn’t he? And it was one of the best nights of his life.

It really isn’t that bad.

Either way, he doesn’t get too long to have his great revelation- because then he’s already near the ground, towards the end of the cable, and he’s stepping on solid ground again.

“You alright?” asks the guy removing his harness from the cable. Regulus can’t really form words at the moment, but he manages a small nod, and the guy just laughs. Forget a career in business, this job would actually be Regulus’ worst nightmare. 

 

-

 

They return to the ship around three. They also had the rollercoaster booked, which looks less like a rollercoaster and more like one of those MarioKart races- except the one that’s extremely rickety and old and looks like it’s gonna fall apart any second. 

They assure him that no one’s ever died on it, and Andromeda did give Dora permission, though, so. Regulus lets her do it. He watches from a distance- and by ‘watches,’ he means sees the car go on a turn behind the hill and then she’s gone for a few minutes until she shows up on the other side. Unscathed, thankfully.

They’ve got two hours until going to Sirius’ show, which Andy and Ted say they’ll join them for. In fact, they even let Regulus ‘have the afternoon off’ for no reason (except that Andy refuses to apologize, but does feel a tad bit sorry that she’s put Regulus in this position with Sirius without any warning. Regulus has actually never felt better, but he’s not going to tell Andy this just yet. He’ll continue guilt-tripping her for as long as possible).

He decides to make the most of it. Unfortunately, the Teens’ Room is closed, so he doesn’t really know how to get in contact with James- he isn’t just about to show up in his room, and he actually can’t, seeing as he’s not part of the crew and physically can’t get into the crew elevator. 

He goes up to the top deck to start his second book and orders a drink. It’s still boiling hot, but he’s used to the heat by now. California has influenced him in various ways, such as using Farenheit and being convinced that a five hour drive is a day trip. And the fact that 80 degrees with a breeze is actually very tolerable, at least during the summer.

He doesn’t get interrupted by James this time, which is a pity, though he didn’t expect it - not on the ship. He realizes he could’ve gone on the beach, but he’d actually rather stay in his cabin than make the walk across the dock again. 

Before he knows it, it’s time to watch Sirius’ show. He doesn’t know how to feel- should he be anxious? No, things went well yesterday. He’ll, hopefully, be able to talk to Sirius again tonight. He’s prepared for it. He’s ready.

 

-

 

Sirius is made for the ice. 

It’s a fact that Regulus had known back when they were kids, but then, he hadn’t actually thought that Sirius would be able to continue with it. Then, when he left, Regulus tried not to think about it - though some part in the back of his brain hoped that whatever he was doing, he was happy with it. 

It’s clear that he is. Regulus watches from the back of the seats - how could anyone have tried to take Sirius away from the rink? 

He’s had enough time to mentally prepare for this. He’s not entirely sure whether he’s going to be able to talk with Sirius after the show, but it’s going to happen at some point today. He’s sure of it. He won’t let Sirius go again, though he doesn’t think that Sirius wants to. 

They only have three more days, anyway. Regulus is going to make the goddamn most of them. 

The lights shift, and Sirius is off the stage. Remus and Lily are paired together, along with a few other skaters (background skaters? Is that a term? Regulus learned to skate, but he never cared to dig deeper), and then Sirius and Marlene are back. There’s a segment with a Wildest Dreams instrumental, which makes Regulus perk up in his seat and Dora basically vibrate with excitement. There are spins and jumps that Regulus has forgotten the names of, but would like to learn again, and he can’t find a single flaw, though he probably wouldn’t notice if there was one. 

Still, his eyes are glued to Sirius, as if his stare will make up for the decade of shows he missed. He wishes he could have seen all of them.

Before Regulus is ready, the show comes to an end. 

The people start to leave the room, and Regulus waits along with Andy, Ted, and Dora in the aisle. He’s not sure how this is supposed to go. Do the crew even have phones? He’s tired of being left in the dark until someone else finds him. 

They wait, and wait, and Regulus is almost worried that they weren’t actually supposed to wait. Maybe they were just supposed to watch the show. He’s about to bring it up to Andy when-

“Reggie!” the same exclamation as the night before, followed by, “Andy, Ted- and Nympha-”

“-Tonks,” Dora interrupts, though she’s looking at Sirius with stars in her eyes. “ Don’t call me Nymphadora.”

Sirius nods, having just forgotten about it, and corrects himself. “Tonks.” He’s wearing a black jacket with the cruise logo on it and some gray sweatpants, though Regulus notices some rhinestones poking out from underneath his sleeves - not like he really had time to change. 

He’s smiling, but it’s tense, just like he had been at the beginning of last night. Regulus despises it. He doesn’t know how to get the carefree laughter back, but he knows that he’s the reason behind Sirius’ hesitance - his own, too. 

“Right,” Sirius claps his hands together, “How was the show? Did you like it?”

Dora immediately starts talking, mentioning the songs she recognized, the costumes she liked the best, the lights. Sirius’ face softens. 

Only about a minute later, Remus is walking up behind Sirius, then wrapping an arm around his waist like it belongs there. They’re so - comfortable. With each other. Regulus watches everything carefully, always has, and he notices it. How Sirius unconsciously leans into Remus’ touch, knowing who it is without even turning around and carrying on conversation with Dora. How Remus smiles and introduces himself to Andy and Ted - not that it’s really necessary, because they know of Remus; they just haven’t met him. 

When his eyes drift to Regulus, Remus nods with recognition. There’s a wall around his eyes, blocking Regulus from reading them. It’s fair, and so Regulus decides to wait in silence as everyone else talks with each other. Small talk, catching up, and everything in between.

He waits.

And watches.

And waits.

And would be perfectly fine with watching a bit longer, but then Ted reminds Andy that their dinner reservation is in twenty minutes and they need to grab some things from their cabin. They offer to take Dora to the Teens’ Room, and Regulus is alright with that because James would be off shift by now, anyway.

They leave. And then Remus places a kiss in Sirius’ hair before murmuring something about organizing a dressing room. 

And then there’s no more waiting and watching. It’s just Sirius and Regulus. The tension returns.

“Regulus,” Sirius says. Regulus can’t read the tone. 

Where do they go now? What do they do? What do they say? How do they fix it? Do they even have a chance?

“Sirius,” Regulus says. It comes out as more of a sigh. 

Sirius bites his lip and his hand is midair, as if he’s trying to refrain from running it through his hair. Regulus has a script. He should speak. He’s prepared for this, he knows what he needs to say, and yet- 

And yet Sirius has always been the braver of the two. 

“I’m sorry,” are the words that come out of his mouth, and Regulus can’t do anything other than blink in surprise. “I’m not sorry that I left, but I’m sorry I didn’t take you with me.”

Oh. Regulus hadn’t known what he was harboring resentment for. He always said that he hated Sirius for leaving him, and that when he realized that Sirius had to leave, he moved on from that. He no longer hates Sirius. He just holds a grudge - for what? Regulus didn’t know. 

He does, now. Sirius figured it out before him.

“I’m sorry I made you think you couldn’t.” Regulus doesn’t know why Sirius hadn’t asked him to run away. He had always assumed they would. He never got any closure on that - can he have it now? Can he say, Please, why? When did we change? When did you stop trusting me?

“It wasn’t- god, Reggie, I-” Sirius stammers, hand over his mouth. Regulus sincerely hopes he isn’t about to cry. “I thought… in those last few months, you closed in on yourself so much- you never spoke to me anymore. You never told me anything. And I just- I couldn’t figure out what you were thinking. It was like I didn’t know you anymore.”

“And I regretted it,” Sirius continues, “I thought about going back and dragging you to Alphard’s. Just, after so long, I didn’t know if you’d even want to. The whole city became suffocating, because I saw traces of you everywhere. Leaving the house wasn’t enough. I needed to- to get away-” from you.

It hurts. The knife has been sitting in Regulus’ chest for years. He’s gotten used to it. Hides away from the pain and deals with the fact that he’ll never be able to pull it out.

But Sirius just twisted it.

Regulus knows, in some way, that he had become a ghost of a person in his teens. It’s partly because of Sirius, because of the arguments and the yelling and everything was so goddamn loud that the only quiet he could get was inside himself. He built a wall and wouldn’t let anyone in - now, he realizes, that included Sirius.

He never meant to block him out. He thought he had given him a key. He thought that Sirius had a way to enter, and just chose not to. 

Well, therapy can’t fix anything. 

Sirius clearly reads the guilt on Regulus’ fault, and then he’s stepping forward, resting his hands on Regulus’ shoulders. Regulus feels so- small . He feels like a child again, even though Sirius is barely two inches taller than him, but he also feels warm. This is comforting. This is something he’s missed.

“It’s not your fault,” Sirius emphasizes, shaking Regulus’ shoulders a bit, though that’s probably unintentional. “I know- I know now, I made it hard too, and- fucking hell, it was her fault, okay? Theirs. I want- I don’t want to run away anymore. I want you in my life.” He pauses. “Please.”

“Damn,” Regulus mutters, “Did you go to therapy?”

Sirius chokes out a laugh. His eyes are watery, but he’s thankfully not crying. Regulus wouldn't be able to take that. “Yeah. What, did you?”

Regulus nods. “Look at us. All grown-up and mature.”

“Shut the fuck up, you’re still twelve,” Sirius shakes his head, a small smile on his lips, and then he’s pulling Regulus into a hug. 

He holds Regulus like he’s terrified that he’s going to evaporate. And Regulus clings to him the same way. It’s been a long time coming. Regulus missed this.

Past tense. There’s nothing to miss, anymore. Now that he has Sirius right there. It’s a promise, one without words. An oath.

“So,” Sirius mutters after a few seconds, but he makes no move to pull back. “Men, right?”

“Oh my god-”

“-What?! I’m just trying to relate to you here, and-”

“-I am not talking about this with you-”

“-You never got to come out to me!” Sirius says through a laugh, stepping back so that Regulus can see him. “And I’m supposed to help you with this, as your older brother-”

“I can assure you that I don’t need your help. I figured out my sexuality years ago.”

“Right, right,” Sirius nods. “And that is…?”

Regulus blinks in confusion, before realizing- “Oh, oh. I’m gay. Like, extremely so, but in denial until I went to college.”

Sirius takes in the information with a smile on his face, nodding. “That’s great. And, uh…” Sirius scrunches up his face like it’s paining him to talk about it. “James?”

“I am not talking to you about that.” 

“Oh, come on-”

“-No, Sirius-”

“-I don’t want details, obviously! Just-” Sirius sighs, but it’s exaggerated, lighthearted. There’s a weight off Regulus’ shoulders. “It’s weird that I heard about you from James’ perspective first. And- I hate the fact that you actually seem good for him. He’s been really happy this week. So, I’m trying to be supportive.”

Oh. That shouldn’t make Regulus’ heart warm the way it does. 

“Just- only if you’re sure about it,” Sirius says firmly. “If you’re genuine. I don’t- James really does mean a lot to me, and if you’re going to- hook up, or whatever, know that it’s not casual for James. He doesn’t do casual.”

And, though it really should be dangerous, Regulus feels a bit relieved at that. Good. Regulus actually only does casual, and yet nothing about his relationship with James feels that way. It’s different from anything he’s felt before, and James has made him feel it in only four days.

But what Sirius had just said… Regulus has matured, and he has grown. But that doesn’t mean he’s free of issues. It doesn’t mean he’s gotten rid of the effects of his childhood. It doesn’t mean he’s magically alright again - he changed as a kid, or maybe it’s always been this way, Regulus doesn’t really know.

The thought settles in his stomach, though. Hiding, at least for now. 

“I’m not-” Regulus avoids Sirius’ eyes, his voice small. “I really do like him, Sirius.”

Is Regulus really deserving of him? Is he someone who can hold onto James for longer than a week?

“Oh.” Sirius seems to examine Regulus for a few seconds, scanning him up and down, gaze piercing into Regulus’ eyes. Then, “That’s- that’s good. Then, wait a second,” he pauses, grabbing his phone from his pocket- so the crew do have phones. Good to know. “C’mon, I’m gonna go get some food. Do you want to… Do you wanna come with?”

Regulus shoves his doubts deeper. He’ll unpack this when he’s on his own. He raises an eyebrow. “Am I allowed to?”

Sirius scoffs, waving his hand to brush it off, “It’s the crew area, and no one’ll tell on us. Or, well, a few people might, but Dorcas is technically my boss- well, technically, I’m my own boss, at least in the performance section, but Dorcas is above me, and seeing as I know about her and Marlene, she wouldn’t complain. Besides, I’ll just lie and say that I filled out the paperwork for you as my relative. Then, you can join all the crew areas… no one will bother to check.”

“All the crew areas?”

“Mm-hm,” Sirius nods, gesturing for Regulus to follow him as he leads them backstage. “Well, not all of them, but the ones that matter, yes. You’ve already been on the roof by the funnel, right? James said he was bringing you there, I think. And then, you’ll see the buffet now- we’re also having a party on the last day, so you can join us for that. No one’ll even notice that you’re there.”

So, Regulus has access to certain parts of the ship. Would it be such a stretch to also be in a relationship with a crew member? He really doesn’t think anyone could prove that Regulus hadn’t known James before this week. Or at least, according to Sirius, no one should really care enough to make it a big deal. 

For once in his life, Regulus has some luck on his side. Maybe- even if Regulus can’t make it last for longer than the cruise, he’ll be able to get some more time out of his remaining days.

“Do you need to go with Andy to dinner?” Sirius asks. Regulus shakes his head. “Perfect. I wanna know everything. James said you were a teacher now? Do you live in LA? Do you have any friends? When did you meet them-?” 

Sirius goes on and on with questions, seemingly never running out. Regulus has a few of his own - he’s gotten a very brief summary of Sirius’ life since he left, but he understands Sirius’ need for details. Regulus answers every question and acts annoyed, but he couldn’t be less of it. 

 

-

 

Evan

Today 9:22 PM

So, long story short, Sirius is an ice skater on this ship and I just met up with him. We talked for a few hours and I have his number now. I also have James’ number (the guy from the teens room and the beach). James is Sirius’ best friend. Also, Sirius got married and went to therapy so we might be fixing our relationship. Just thought I’d update you. 

regulus

what the FUCK

WHEN?? DID THIS ALL HAPPEN???

also barty says why aren’t you texting the gc

Because I knew Barty would find out anyway and this way, only you can respond.

I also hooked up with James last night.

SDLKFJSFD

AND YOU DIDNT THINK TO UPDATE US

REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK

okay so 

barty’s trying to find james’ socials rn

im gonna call pandora over

and i need a timeline

Don’t you two have anything better to do? Are your lives this pathetic?

you always say the sweetest things reggie

I’m walking up to the deck to find James right now so it has to be quick. But anyway, most of this happened yesterday. I was taking Dora skating and then Sirius happened to be there. He invited me to dinner with his friends, and they were tolerable. And then James and I left.

sirius

as in sirius your brother

sirius black

Today, I went ziplining first, which was horrendous, and an experience that I never wish to repeat. Then, I watched Sirius’ skating show and we talked after. We had dinner together and I got his number, as well as James’, though he was a bit reluctant to do that. He told me I’d find James up on the deck, probably with Frank (someone else who works here), so I’m assuming it’s by the wave thing.

Yes, that Sirius.

bro

what the actual fuck

YOU’VE LEFT US FOR FOUR DAYS AND NOW YOU’VE GOT A WHOLE ASS TELENOVELA

AND YOU DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO TELL US

sorry barty stole the phone

damn james is hot

?

[ one link attached ]

How? I never even gave you his last name.

But yes.

He is.

we’ve had sirius’ socials for ages

wasn’t hard to figure out which one of his friends was james bc u mentioned glasses

You knew Sirius was on a cruise ship this entire time???

well yeah duh

we didn’t know he was on YOUR cruiseship

why would we know that that’s stalker behavior

regulus

reggieeee

where’d you go

James is surfing. Bye.

KLDSFSLDKF LMAO

okay but we need more info tmrw

also: do we not get to hate sirius anymore?? - barty

and pandora says good luck

Delivered 9:31 PM

 

-

 

Regulus isn’t even going to lie, he had been debating for a bit on whether to update his friends on everything. Well- about James, he isn’t going to lie, because they already knew about him and were only going to pester Regulus for details. But with Sirius?

Everything between them is fragile, delicate. And he knows that, logically, telling his friends about it wouldn’t change that at all, but still… they had, over the years, heard some complaints about his brother. Not that he talked about Sirius much, but enough that they - or at least, Barty, specifically - had their own opinions about him. That’s why Regulus chose to speak to Evan alone, despite knowing the information would get to Barty and Pandora at some point or another.

Still, the whole afternoon was just extremely… exhausting. Emotionally. Regulus feels like he’s talked more about his feelings and his past in the last few hours than he has for the past ten years.

The other thing he had been debating when he finally left the crew buffet - with Sirius’ number (and an explanation that they all did have phones, but not all of them have wifi , though luckily, James and Sirius do) and a hint that James would either be binge-watching a TV show in his cabin or taking the time where most of the passengers are going to bed to try some of the activities on the ship. 

The other hint that Sirius gave, which absolutely did not come from Regulus threatening to share details about the night before, was that James had mentioned something about Frank not having an early shift tomorrow. At first, Regulus had thought what the fuck? Isn’t Frank married? But then he realized that Frank worked on the flow-water-surf-rider-whatever, and that that’s probably where he is.

For some reason, he did not connect wave riding with a shirtless James. Which, yeah, he’s been exposed to several times now, but still. Damn . 

He watches from behind the stairs for a few seconds. James has clearly done this a lot- obviously, seeing as he’s been on the ship for several months. Regulus notices Frank on his phone to the side, and Regulus passed a few people on his way there, but other than that, the deck is relatively empty. 

The sun has already set for a while, so it’s pretty dark. That doesn’t mean Regulus can’t see James - not wearing his glasses, which Regulus finds that he kind of misses, despite understanding that surfing with them on probably isn’t a good idea. He must be wearing contacts. 

“Alright, James, you think you can put the stuff away?” Frank says, looking up from his phone. James pulls to the side, getting off the board without much effort. “Alice just finished up.”

“Yeah, no worries,” James nods, then shakes his head to dry his hair before running a hand through it. God. Fuck. Lord save him.

Regulus stays hidden as Frank says good-bye, and then the lights are being shut off and James walks away- probably to put his board away. Regulus waits, staring at the ground in contemplation. Should he pretend that he just showed up? It’s not like he was actually stalking James; he was only there for a few minutes or so. Sirius told him where to go. 

“Reggie?” 

Regulus’ head whips around. Ah. Well, his choice is made. James spotted him. 

“Don’t call me that,” he mutters, not even trying to pretend that he’s not eyeing James’ chest. “Sirius told me you might be here.” He truly doesn’t need to defend himself, but he finds himself doing it anyway. They only have four- well, more like three days left. Is he in the wrong for wanting to make the most of it?

But James doesn’t look annoyed or suspicious at all. He looks delighted. Like this is just his dream come true. Huh.

“Oh yeah? You went to his show, didn’t you?” James’ tone is completely casual, like Regulus and Sirius hanging out is a regular occurrence. Regulus takes a few steps out so he’s not halfway behind the steps, and James grabs a towel from the bench, walking closer.

“Yes,” Regulus says, eyes wandering shamelessly. If James didn’t want him to look, he’d tell him. Not that James has ever not wanted Regulus to look. “Apparently you have phones and wifi, and yet you’ve been making me chase around the ship for you.”

James flashes a cheshire cat smile and shrugs. “Well, you always find me, don’t you?”

He does. There’s fireworks in Regulus’ stomach, an anticipation and tension so unlike earlier. Sirius was- well, firstly, platonic, but also being pieced back together. James is brand new, exciting, and Regulus wants to learn everything there is to know about him. He’s a blank slate, but Regulus wants to write his name all over it. 

Regulus isn’t sure whether there are security cameras here, but it doesn’t really matter - he’s got a backup story now, anyway. Something about having met James years ago when Sirius visited him, etc. He’ll fake a goddamn engagement if he has to. It’s all a bit blurry, hastily put together on his way to the deck, and it’s even more vague once Regulus finally has his mouth on James’, not caring at all that his hoodie is getting wet because James isn’t completely dry yet. 

It doesn’t matter. There’s a ticking clock in the back of Regulus’ head, the tide pushing him to the shore, away from the summer haze that he’s found himself in. Every second with James is the current pulling him back out.

Notes:

i really just fucking love ziplines. like, reg is so wrong i have actually considered moving to a cruise port where i could just do ziplines all day. unfortunately, that job also includes interacting with people, which is a skill i haven't fully acquired yet. rip!!

also adding all the taylor references makes me SO happy like going from an au where taylor doesn't exist (bc reg is taylor) to this fic is so fun - like, making reg a swiftie while knowing he literally was THE taylor swift in the last fic?? top tier comedy
except he's kinda a reluctant swiftie. i hc that evermore is his favorite album in this fic :)

wolfstar my loves <3

and black brothers! angst! continues! i really didn't plan for sirius to play such a huge role in this fic. like, logically, i knew he was gonna show up after a bit, but i didn't expect to make it a whole thing - and yet i'm so happy, look at them communicate!! some day i'm gonna write a fic with heavy angst black brothers, but that day is not today

thank you for reading and commenting <3

Chapter 5: day 5: if your cascade ocean wave blues come

Summary:

i'd give you my sunshine, give you my best / but the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me

Notes:

playlist is updated!

Thursday, July 7: Falmouth, Jamaica

It’s a car ride and a long walk from the ship to the waterfalls. Thankfully, Regulus remembered his earbuds this time and doesn’t have to deal with Dora’s teasing, even though she makes it very clear that she’s aware of what’s going on between him and James.

She also goes on and on about Sirius and Remus, who she finds equally cool. Apparently, she’s already asked Andy for ice-skating lessons. Regulus doesn’t know how long this phase will last, but he’s supportive nonetheless.

The water from the waterfall is cold. The rocks are slippery, and even though they’re all holding hands, Regulus can’t help but think he’s going to slip and fall and plummet to his death by drowning or cracking his head open on a rock. He’s trying not to think of it. 

He doesn’t have any service out here either (though he obviously hasn’t brought his phone to the waterfall), and so he doesn’t know if Sirius has texted him about meeting up. Unfortunately, James also doesn’t have Regulus’ number, because- well, they got distracted. 

As much as he loves Dora, Regulus resents the fact that he’s spending time out here, even if the waterfall is kind of cool, but it’s not something he wants to be doing. Not if he could be talking to James or catching up with Sirius or kissing James or learning about Remus or quite literally doing anything with James. 

He’s only got a week. And he can see Dora every day, but… well. He and James haven’t talked about what could happen after the cruise, aside from James saying he wants to give them a real shot. That could mean anything from texting him every now and then and maybe hooking up over the holidays if he were to visit with Sirius, to radio silence after a few days. He doesn’t think James would be the type to do that, but there’s still doubt sitting at the bottom of his stomach.

Either way, he’s agreed to the excursions, and so he’s doing them. 

It takes a long time to reach the top of the waterfall. Regulus can admit that it’s an interesting experience - definitely something he’d classify as once in a lifetime, and he knows that Dora will remember it for the rest of her life. That makes it worth it - she deserves some good memories, even though she already has plenty.

The ship is leaving earlier today, so they decide to just head back to the boat (which takes forever again), and Dora showers while Regulus goes up to the buffet to grab them a snack. He reconnects his phone to the wifi and can’t help the small smile that forms when he sees the received messages.

More requests for updates from Evan and Barty, as always, but he’s going to leave them be for now. Regulus can’t afford to waste any time, can he? He’ll give them the full rundown when he gets home.

And then, two messages from Sirius. He’s got another skating session that he’s hosting at five, and so he’s on shift from four to six, a short break, and then some rehearsals. Sirius invites him to have dinner with his friends again.

Regulus agrees.

When Dora is all ready, Regulus jumps at the opportunity to take her to the Teens’ Room, and Dora just rolls her eyes. Either way, when they show up- just as Regulus guessed, James is there. It’s not like Regulus has mapped out the times in his head where he’s seen James working and formed a schedule of his shifts. Not at all.

There are a few teens in there, and Regulus can spot Mary, too. Regulus signs Dora in, and then casually, so that the security cameras won’t pick up on anything strange happening, he asks, “When can I see you later?”

James hums, takes back the pen and checks his watch. It’ll probably look as if Regulus is asking for the Teens’ Room’s hours instead of planning a date- is it a date? Regulus thinks it is. 

“Do you have to go to dinner today?”

“No.” Regulus doesn’t even need to think about it. James will beat dining with the others any day. “But I’ll be there with Sirius and the others later.”

James grins. He doesn’t even try to make it seem casual. “Then, I get off at six-thirty, so I can meet you a bit before seven? Same place as last time? I’ll be there for dinner, too.”

Of course he will; Regulus doesn’t doubt it. He nods, trying not to make his relief too obvious. He probably fails.

Now, he’s got three hours to kill.

 

-

 

Regulus ends up just reading. Sue him, but at least he does it out on the balcony - fresh air and all that. He gets to watch a beautiful sunset, and even though he still hates the idea of being in the ocean (aside for, possibly, with James’ arms around him), he can admit that there’s something comforting about watching the waves crash against the boat, nothing in the distance but the horizon.

He can understand why someone would fall in love with this. The atmosphere, the weather, the view. 

But as much as he would like to - because it would be easy, to see if this could be his life, too - he doesn’t fall in love with the ship. He’s only falling for the person, someone who’s already taken by this life. And Regulus knows that as much as he is selfish and would ask for James to abandon the ship and follow Regulus, he also knows that he is never enough of a reason for someone to stay. He never has been.

So why bother asking? He won’t. He’ll take these days as they come and then realize years from now that he’s left behind the best thing he’s ever known. He’ll probably regret it. But James won’t, because he’ll never know that he had the option. Yeah, James says that he likes Regulus. That’s nice. Maybe Regulus will be a beautiful memory for James. Maybe he’ll be James’ one that got away, or maybe he’ll listen to Taylor Swift’s the 1 with Regulus in mind. 

But Regulus isn’t worth more than memories, even before he adds the distance into the equation.

James, it’s clear to see, is a free spirit. He’s the unknown territory of the ocean, crashing waves, and the bright clear sky. It makes sense that Regulus will always associate him with summer, because that’s what he is: the sun, personified.

Regulus is solid ground. The waves come and go, but the land next to the shore will stay in the same place. He’s not the sand, which occasionally gets swept out with the tide; he’s the cement of the pavement that’s just out of reach. Even if the high tide lets them meet, it’s brief, and he’s stationary. 

But he’ll drive himself insane with metaphors and the fear of losing James. He isn’t there yet, is he? He has tonight, and then two more days. 

He picks up Dora around 6:45 and lets her make her way back to the cabin before she goes to dinner with Andy and Ted. Andy has a knowing look in her eye when Regulus mentions plans - and oh, lord, he has a lot to talk to her about. He’s not angry, but- well. He’s not going to tell her about James just yet.

He makes his way down one floor and out to the deck again, pleased when he sees James in the same position as before, once again in his normal clothes - this time some sport’s team tee-shirt and some blue jeans. It was hot earlier that day, but the evenings- especially outside, on the ship, always turn a bit chilly with the ocean breeze. 

It doesn’t take long for their mouths to find each other, greeting each other with a kiss and Regulus’ hands around James’ neck, James’ around Regulus’ hips. It’s so natural. As if they were always meant to find each other, some magnetic force pulling Regulus to James.

Will it pull him back after this week? Could it? 

Regulus wishes it could. 

James pulls away after a second, a small chuckle on his lips, then leans in again to place a kiss on Regulus’ cheek. “I had things planned.”

Regulus hums, eyes on James’ lips. “And what if I had other things planned?”

“Well, this is where I live,” James states, one eyebrow raised. As if Regulus needs a reminder. It’s a constant thought in the back of his head, and he wishes he could shove it out of sight. “You’ll be able to plan things in LA.”

Regulus blinks. 

His breath catches.

“In LA?” he asks. It’s hesitant and he’s not even aware of himself saying it- but the two words flutter around his chest, settling down right in his heart.

“That’s where you live, isn’t it?” James says sarcastically, but Regulus can sense the tension lying under his words. Yes. Regulus lives there. But James- James lives here. Regulus would never be so lucky as to-

His hesitancy is apparent. Regulus has thought about this. He’s reflected on himself. 

He feels less free than a few days ago. Couldn’t he go back to that beach, with James acting casual and their worries being swept away with the rain? Couldn’t Regulus continue to pretend that he wasn’t just damaged goods, that he was someone worth loving?

He had been pretending for years. It’s not fair for that illusion to be taken away from him, and yet he was the one who stole it. 

“Wait, I just- Regulus,” James says, his hands moving to grab Regulus’. Oh, he’s serious now. “I told you this, right? I didn’t- this isn’t just a fling for me. This isn’t just sex and it’s- I seriously like you. I need you to know that. I need you to trust me on that.”

“Well, you’d be the first.”

Regulus’ heart pounds in his chest.

“God, I really like you, Reg.”

They don’t have a chance.

“I’d really like to give it a proper shot with you.”

He knows it doesn’t work like this.

“Just- only if you’re sure about it. If you’re genuine. I don’t- James really does mean a lot to me, and if you’re going to- hook up, or whatever, know that it’s not casual for James. He doesn’t do casual.”

It’ll hurt more if they actually try.

But it already hurts. Regulus hasn’t even left the ship yet. Didn’t he think that he was going to try? Didn’t he want to do this? The more time he had to think, the more he convinced himself that this was impossible, and yet whenever he’s with James, he has no doubts. Is that proof that they can work, or the opposite?

James, it seems, is all in. Regulus is the one hesitating. Regulus is the one closing in on himself. Regulus is the one blocking James out, like he always has. 

When will he let someone in?

“I do,” he ends up saying, barely comprehending the words as they come out of his mouth. This isn’t scripted. He hasn’t had time to prepare for this. It’s all spilling out. “It’s not for me, either. I’ve never-” god, he sounds ridiculous- “felt like this before. I don’t know how to.”

James doesn’t say anything. Regulus keeps overflowing.

“Hasn’t Sirius told you why he left? Why I didn’t leave with him? I’m not good at loving people. I never have been. It’s- before you, I’ve never dated anyone that lasted longer than a week, and that was when they lived in the same city as me. I can barely keep friends, and that’s because they know my address and break into my house if I don’t talk to them for over a week.”

Regulus feels like he’s begging for something. For James to break his heart. He wishes it hadn’t come so soon. 

“You deserve someone who can show their love, because I can’t. I wish I could, but-” he chokes, finding no other words. He just can’t.

James should leave now. He’s wasting his time.

In fact, Regulus should just leave for him. It’ll be easier if James has someone to hate. Someone who was no good for him, and who walked away without giving him a chance to respond.

He makes it half a step before there’s a hand grabbing his wrist and lips pressed against his mouth.

A good-bye kiss, then.

Regulus makes the most of it. He responds fiercely, kissing James back with the words that got caught in his stomach, that will never make it out. He runs his fingers through his hair because it’ll be the last chance he has to. He presses his body close because James makes him feel warm, and he has a feeling he’ll be cold for a long time. 

He keeps his eyes closed, because it’s dangerous to look directly at the sun. Regulus might just want to stay there forever.

“You love me,” James murmurs against his lips.

What happened to good-bye? See you never? Fuck you? Regulus all but dumped James, and-

You love me.

I love him.

Regulus wasn’t aware he had implied that. He, somehow, doesn’t run away immediately. He’s never been one to do that, anyway. He usually stays for longer than he should. 

And yet, he doesn’t seem to be out of impulsiveness. 

“Yeah, I do.”

When did it happen? Regulus can’t tell. It must have started on the second day. When they kissed and they swam and they didn’t have a care in the world about what would happen when Regulus left. Regulus should have known it was inevitable when he decided to get in the water. 

And maybe it’s not fully-formed love, yet. It’s only been five days. Regulus has so much he wishes he could learn about James, things he hasn’t discovered yet. He yearns to take everything James has to give. And so, in Regulus’ life, that’s already further than anyone he’s ever known. That’s already special.

James smiles. Regulus can feel it against his lips. He pulls back, resting his forehead against Regulus’. 

“I love you, too.”

There is no script. Regulus could have never planned for this.

“And if you think I don’t know you,” James says, as Regulus finally opens his eyes, confusion blatant. “You’re wrong. Because- well, I don’t know everything. I don’t know about what happened with you and Sirius. I don’t know what happened in your past relationships, or why your friends break into your house, or why you think you’re not worth any of this, because from the moment I saw you, I could tell you were perfect.”

“But I know you try not to smile too much in public even though you’re terrible at hiding it. You’re scared of heights, but you went along with your cousin and your cousin’s friend on ziplines and rock walls. You thought I was an absolute idiot when I first approached you, but you talked with me for hours after. Sirius told me you never clicked with ice-skating, but you did it anyway for years because he wanted to. Tonks said that you hate the ocean, and yet when I asked, you went in.”

James takes a breath, watching Regulus so closely that he can swear he can read his thoughts. “And you love me.”

Regulus can’t say anything. He’s run out of words. He just leans in, barely, and presses his lips to James’. He hopes it’s enough of an answer.

When he pulls back after the brief kiss, James’ mouth flutters into a smile. 

“My contract ends in two weeks,” he says. “I’ve got an eight week break after that. I was planning on visiting my parents for a bit and then traveling, but on Tuesday, I switched my flight to London to one at the end of my break.”

Regulus watches him carefully. He’s barely breathing.

“I also booked a flight to LA. And- well, I still have to rent an apartment, and I don’t want to rush you into anything you don’t want. But- I told you I wanted to give this a real try, yeah? It isn’t fair to us otherwise.” He squeezes Regulus’ hand. “It isn’t fair to me, either, for you to give up before we’ve really started.”

It isn’t. Regulus can barely think. Eight weeks. Starting in two weeks. That means they’ve got all of August together, and a bit of September. Regulus’ work starts in September. That means a whole month of just- this.

That should be terrifying for him. But it isn’t.

He was scared of blocking James out by accident. He was scared of hurting James enough for him to leave him, for him to ruin everything. He was worried about not being enough for James to visit, let alone stay.

Before he knows it, Regulus is grinning, a wide smile that he would usually try to hide- something James had noticed, of course. He practically launches himself back at James. 

“I love you,” he whispers in between kisses, “Fuck, why didn’t you tell me that earlier? Here I was, thinking I wouldn’t see you for months.”

“Months?” James questions distractedly.

Regulus rolls his eyes. “Well, I was going to book a cruise over Thanksgiving. Or at least, that was the plan yesterday, and then I just… got in over my head. I didn’t think we’d last that long.”

“Oh, love,” James shakes his head. “I would’ve held on to you even if I had to wait ‘till next summer.”

 

-

 

James and Regulus make their way to the buffet hand in hand. James had said that, especially with Regulus being Sirius’ brother, it’d be easy to make up some story about them having been together for ages- which, clearly, means that he’s as crazy about Regulus as Regulus is about James, because he was planning the same thing. Great minds think alike, and all that.

Sirius gives them a raised eyebrow when he sees them, and then sighs. “Do I have to do, like, an older brother talk? And a best friend talk? Really, couldn’t it have been anyone else?”

“You don’t need to be giving any talks,” Regulus rolls his eyes. Sirius had already known about them. It seems that he’s finally comfortable enough with Regulus to be dramatic again. “I’m twenty-four.”

“Yes, I know, which means I’ve got a lot of lost years to make up for. You’re still fourteen, hush. Now, James, what are your intent-”

“Sirius, Mary wanted to show you something,” a voice says from behind them, and Regulus sees Remus there. Perfect timing - Regulus likes Remus even more already, even though he’s pretty sure Remus still isn’t a huge fan of him. It’s alright, Regulus doesn’t like himself that much either.

Sirius doesn’t get upset; his face turns all soft as he looks at his husband. Gross. But also, as much as Regulus hates to say it… Good. Sirius deserves this. It’s clear just how smitten they are about each other.

“Don’t hurt him,” is all that Sirius says to them, but Regulus isn’t quite sure to whom it’s directed. Probably both.

As soon as Sirius is out of hearing range, going to the table in the corner where everyone else is, Remus just pats James on the shoulder.

“Thanks, Moony,” James laughs.

Remus shrugs, “No problem. But-”

“Oh, God,” James mutters.

“- Regulus, what are your intentions with James and Sirius?”

What are his intentions with his brother? Regulus blinks. “Um-”

“You really don’t have to answer that,” James squeezes his hand, but Regulus just sighs. It’s alright. He can do this. From what he’s observed, Remus is a bookworm and has dry/sarcastic humor. Regulus can certainly work with that.

“My intentions are to be as much of a nuisance to Sirius as Dora is to me,” he begins, which makes James bark out a laugh, “and give James more book recommendations. You know when I asked him for his favorite one, he just said The Hunger Games? Which is obviously great and all, but there has to be something that’s not a kids book. I’ll find something.”

James sputters, “ The Hunger Games isn’t a kids book! And besides, I work with kids, and-”

“Yeah, so do I,” Regulus shakes his head, “But you need to learn to appreciate the classics.”

“In a century, Hunger Games will be a classic-”

“Okay,” Remus cuts in, clearly trying to stifle a chuckle. “Lily and I have been trying to get him to read classics for years now, so… good luck. And as for Sirius, you have my full support.”

Regulus feels James lean into his side just slightly as they continue bickering on their way to the table. He smiles.

Notes:

i genuinely just forgot that yesterday was friday. rip!! sorry for the late update!

anyway this chapter pretty much wrote itself- idk WHAT I WAS DOING WITH THE ANGST I SWEAR THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A HAPPY FIC?? i literally can't remember writing it. like, i'm pretty sure it was the middle of the night and one second, i was writing reg going up a waterfall and the next was the line abt the hunger games. which. btw. perfect choice james, rlly. TBOSAS WAS INCREDIBLEEE (and this was 100% not a cr reference)

from here on out, it will be fluffy. trust me i promise.

thank you for reading!

Chapter 6: staring out at the midnight sea

Summary:

who knows if i never showed up what could've been

Notes:

playlist is updated!

background info-
yes, it's an actual thing that when you kiss a stingray you get good luck! i kissed one when i was seven so unfortunately, i've run out. i went to this exact location like a year or two ago but my whole family got covid, so i was quarantined, rip :/ anyway it's just a funny little detail, and the stingrays are honestly so sweet <3 highly recommend doing this excursion if you ever get the chance!!

Friday, July 8: George Town, Grand Cayman

Regulus does not want to get into the water.

It was easier when there was James there, and when it was shallow and clear so Regulus could ensure he wouldn’t be standing on a plant or bitten by a creature. The only thing that would be touching him was James, and Regulus would accept that touch anywhere. He loves James.

He does not love stingrays. He does not want to be in a ten-foot radius of stingrays. He does not want to be touched by stingrays or seen by stingrays and he definitely does not want to kiss a stingray??

“They say it’ll give you seven years of good luck!” Dora shrugs, and then she gets in the water following the tour guide.

Absolutely crazy, she is.

Regulus holds his breath, staying on the boat. It’s smaller, having just taken them out to where the stingrays are. Regulus wonders whether James has done this before- swam with them, or even kissed a stingray. Sirius probably would; that sounds like something he would be totally up for. By that logic, James would probably do it, too.

He should have asked James. But he didn’t necessarily want to worry about their excursion the night before, and he certainly didn’t want to think about kissing stingrays when he could be kissing James.

Seven years of good luck, though… He’s not superstitious. Regulus is a cynic. And besides, he’s been plenty lucky this past week, hasn’t he?

It can’t hurt.

Well, actually it could. He could be stung. He could die. The tour guides said that they were completely safe, but they’re making money off him so can they really be trusted? Can stingrays bite him? Are they poisonous? He’s pretty sure it’s just the stinger, but then again, what if there’s a sea urchin on the ground? Are there any other animals in this part of the sea? What about-

“Reggie, look!” 

Regulus’ head whips up to see Dora holding a fucking stingray.

Holding a stingray. 

Andy’s gonna kill him.

It manages to snap him out of his anxiety, and he looks around- there are a few people handling the stingrays, and one woman is helping Dora- so Regulus doesn’t think his cousin is going to die. Not today, at least. Not under his watch.

There are a few people still on the boat, but Regulus tries to look supportive of Dora and not like he’s about to vomit. He’s managed ziplining and waterfalls without throwing up in Dora’s sights and he can do it for one last day. Besides, he’s pretty sure he could get fined for it, or something. He’s already spent enough money this vacation on overpriced drinks. 

He holds up an awkward thumbs-up. Someone flashes a photo of Dora and the stingray, which Regulus will probably have to pay for later, but at least that’s within Andy and Ted’s budget and not his. 

One of the workers asks if he wants to get in the water, and he just laughs it off, because no. He refuses. He’s supervising, and that’s all.

Unfortunately, his growing nausea makes him decide that the boat isn’t a safe place to be on - so he slowly steps into the water, eternally grateful that it’s relatively shallow. He can stand up with the water only reaching his hips.

He crouches down, thankful that all of the stingrays are being handled by professionals, and listens to some of the facts that they list off while counting the seconds until they can get back to the ship - he hasn’t experienced any seasickness so far, but he supposes that the smaller boats are more rocky, even when standing still.

“Did you get a chance to touch one?” a woman wearing a wetsuit asks, and Regulus grimaces automatically. 

She seems to understand as Regulus frantically tips his head toward Dora, and doesn’t force it- until she returns a few seconds later with a stingray. 

He does end up getting seven years of good luck. 

 

-

 

James is working for the rest of the afternoon when Regulus returns to the ship, but at least he gets to see him when he drops off Dora at the Teens’ Room. It’s extremely brief, but James tells Regulus to meet him by the Sports Court again later that night because he has something planned.

Regulus, for once, doesn’t mind the fact that it’ll be a surprise. He’s already thinking up places to take James when he gets off the ship- museums, parks, restaurants, and obviously Hollywood, because James will surely want to do all the touristy stuff, too. They’ll see all the sights and lounge on all the beaches. He’ll probably want to visit Disneyland, and Regulus knows that Barty has a season pass, so-

He stops suddenly, realizing he’s started smiling. God, what has James done to him? 

Regulus shakes his head, continuing to walk. He decides to wander around the ship a bit, because he hasn’t actually gotten to see most of it. He stops by the bar and makes his way around the top deck, enjoying the nice weather. There are a few shops on the lower decks, so Regulus looks through those, deciding to buy a nice mug and dropping by his cabin to leave it there.

Luckily, Andromeda and Ted are picking up Dora and bringing her to a show tonight, so Regulus doesn’t need to worry about that. He watches the sun set by the Sports Deck, feeling oddly reminiscent of his second night here - doing pretty much the same thing. He’s got an ice cream cone this time, but so much else has changed in the few days he’s been here.

He feels James’ presence behind him, but lets him creep up and try to spook Regulus by wrapping his arms around his waist. Regulus just grins, leaning back to tilt his head and plant a kiss on James’ jaw. 

James smiles. “Hello, gorgeous.”

Regulus scoffs, but it’s half-hearted. There are butterflies in his stomach, and for once, he doesn’t hate them. “Where are we going?” 

James hums, leaning in like he’s about to kiss Regulus, but then at the last second, stealing the ice cream cone from Regulus’ hand and taking a lick of it. Regulus blinks, mainly upset that James chose not to kiss him rather than him stealing the ice cream. He wasn’t planning on finishing it anyway.

“Mm, who says we’re going anywhere?”

Regulus raises his eyebrow.

“Fine,” James sighs, rolling his eyes dramatically. “I’m taking you on a date.”

“Is that not what we’ve been doing every night?”

“You call those dates?” James gasps, “Absolutely not. This is going to be a proper date, not just sneaking you down to my cabin. First, I’m getting you dinner. Most of the stuff I have planned needs to happen later.”

As much as Regulus hates surprises, he doesn’t mind following James’ lead - he turns around, one hand having found its way into Regulus’, but then turns around to peck a kiss on Regulus’ mouth, as if he just couldn’t resist - and then they make their way downstairs. 

Regulus recognizes the way to the crew buffet, but after grabbing their food, James starts heading toward one of the many dining rooms.

They’re technically supposed to have reservations for these, Regulus knows, but James apparently knows a person who knows a person- Regulus doesn’t actually know the details, but the dining room is completely empty. They set their food down and find two drinks already there, and now Regulus is starting to understand what James had meant by a proper date.

An hour passes by in the blink of an eye. It’s absurd how quickly time passes when Regulus is with James, because he really doesn’t want it to. He wants these moments to last hours each, so that he can savor every minute and lock it up in his memories for the weeks he’ll have to wait for James to visit. He’s already not looking forward to it, and every second he spends away from James, he fights the inevitability of it all.

The good thing is that he doesn’t waste his time with James worrying about that, because James has a way of making him forget everything except for the moment he’s in. Which is, currently, having a private dining room in the middle of the ocean, with what Regulus is quite sure is the love of his life.

By the time they finish their food, James leaving for just a second to go into the kitchen and drop off their empty plates and champagne glasses, the sun is gone, replaced by a starry night sky and the midnight sea. It feels like something out of a dream.

And yet, it’s not over.

James returns and easily slips his hand into Regulus’, pulling him in the other direction until they’re running there, though Regulus is sure that they’re in no rush. 

It turns out to be karaoke, led by another one of James’ friends. They’re in on the secret, and because James works as a youth counselor (and it being pretty late at night), there’s a very low probability of him getting recognized. 

Regulus really does try to refuse, because despite being classically trained in the piano and violin, he has never once gotten vocal lessons, and hates doing things that he’s not confident in.

But he’s already two drinks in, and then drunk all over again off of James’ hand on his shoulder, his eyes lighting up like stars- no, not any star, but the sun, and so he promises to go after James gives him a show.

And oh, is it a show that he gives. Regulus is honestly disappointed that he didn’t think to record it, despite his phone being in his back pocket, because Regulus is quite sure that James was purposefully embarrassing himself just to make Regulus more comfortable with making a fool of himself as well.

Either that, or he’s just a horrible singer. Regulus, somehow, doubts it. There were a few parts of Cruel Summer that James made sound good.

Unfortunately, Regulus notes, he’ll no longer be able to avoid the song forever like he had promised himself at the beginning of this vacation. He’ll have to listen to it on repeat while James is gone, because it’s a part of their week together now, and that simply cannot be let go.

James returns to the loveseat that Regulus and him have been sharing, a cheesy grin on his face, and his hands gesturing for Regulus to get up and sing. He yells it out to the whole crowd (which, admittedly, are very supportive, especially the apparent swiftie in the back who shouts for another Taylor Swift song, and has sung three herself already). 

It’s James calling him his boyfriend in front of everyone that gets Regulus so flustered that he simply has to get away from James or he’s going to do something even more horrendous- like kissing him in front of random people.

He does end up going with a Taylor Swift song. The karaoke machine, unfortunately, only has the singles, though that does, fortunately, include willow from evermore.

And that is his favorite album, so. He blames it on the champagne. 

James kisses him as soon as he sits down, though it’s very short. And that just- won’t do. So they end up leaving only one song later and kissing right outside the lounge, James eventually pulling back because-

“-One more thing,” he says, “I still have one more thing planned.”

What is Regulus meant to say in response to that, other than Yes, of course, where are we going? I’ll follow you anywhere.

Anywhere turns out to be the top deck, where James first stops at the bar, and Regulus gets to meet the roommate Peter. Ten minutes later, they’ve got two more drinks and two pool chairs next to each other, just in time to watch a movie under the stars.

It is, quite honestly, the best night of Regulus’ life. He nearly drifts off with his head on James’ shoulder, up until the last ten minutes of the movie, when he’s distinctly aware that they have just one last day together.

By midnight, they’re in James’ cabin again, and Regulus is making note of every single thing that he doesn’t want to forget. The feeling of James’ hands in his hair, his lips on his, and even just the way that James’ fingers would interlock with Regulus’ when leading him anywhere around the ship.

He wishes to make that midnight last forever.

Notes:

this chapter is much shorter than the others sorry!! honestly just didn't have much to add to this day. regulus saw stingrays and then james took him on a date and they are super happy and in love and fluffy and god i love them <33

on the other hand YOURE LOSING ME WAS DROPPED??? HELLO??? TAYLOR???
anyway i've been listening to that on repeat, it's so good, def check it out if you haven't already.
and also happy spotify wrapped day if you celebrate!! i will be signing up for therapy bc i have 83k minutes of taylor. and i don't listen in my sleep, that's genuinely just me with my airpods in constantly. soooo lets see if i can get more next year am i right??
(also, taylor, yes i am upset that i was not invited to the eras tour premiere. I ONLY LIVE A FEW HOURS AWAY FROM LA I COULD'VE TOTALLY MADE IT???)

anyway, there's only one chapter left!! ahh!!! im still not entirely sure whether i'm gonna write an epilogue, bc tbh i wrote the first five chapters pretty much in one weekend, and then completely stopped for a few weeks and then returned to write this chapter. so we'll see if i end up having things that i want to add to an epilogue, but it would essentially be them being fluffy and in love in LA instead of on the ship <3

thank you for reading and commenting and kudos-ing ily!!

Chapter 7: my waves meet your shore ever and evermore

Summary:

and he's passing by / rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky / and he feels like home / if the shoe fits, walk in it everywhere you go

Notes:

playlist is updated and finished!!

and fun fact, this chapter title was actually the og fic title. but then i decided i wanted to use a 1989 title, and sirius became a bigger plotline, so i went with the "this love" lyrics
but evermore is still so underrated and this fic was very inspired by it (prob even more than 1989 tbh)

only background info you need to know is that cruiseship french toast is truly the best thing i've ever tasted. but a few ships have ruined it and they're not as good anymore (or maybe that was just my childhood making it seem better, but who knows) (and also, who eats circular french toast?? who decided to do that??)

oh and also i was completely bullshitting anything to do with the crew only areas. idk a single thing abt them, i've never worked on a cruise ship, so just... pretend <3

Saturday, July 9: At Sea

Regulus wakes up in James’ cabin, feeling the other man attempt to get out of bed without waking him. 

His first thought is that James looks beautiful in the morning. He’d like to see it every day, and wake up with his comforting presence beside him.

His second is that this is the last day of the cruise. Not only will Regulus not get to see James in the morning for two weeks, but he won’t be able to see James at all. 

That puts a bit of a damper in his mood. He watches James for a few more seconds, stumbling around the room to find clothes (because, honestly, this room was an absolute mess before Regulus even showed up), until he shifts and sits up. 

It gets James’ attention, and he gives Regulus a soft smile when seeing him. Regulus can’t help but return it, even though there’s a ticking time clock in the back of his head- really, it’s been there the whole time, but now it’s growing louder. Less than 24 hours left.

Regulus sighs, unable to avoid it, and throws himself back on the bed, wondering whether he could just ignore it all. He doesn’t want to face it until the very last second, and Regulus happens to be very good at escapism. It’s how he survived his entire childhood, after all.

But he doesn’t really want to. He’s going to face this head-on because it’s the only way he’ll gather enough confidence to ensure that they last the two weeks they’re apart. He has James’ number, and either way, Sirius will surely contact him. James will have two months in LA after that, and that will definitely be enough to figure it all out. Regulus just has to take this day by day, and right now, he still has James in front of him.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts to that pleasant reality, James just a few inches away and leaning over him, his eyes lit up like the sun. Regulus has no choice but to pull him down and kiss him. 

The kiss is actually very soft, tentative, but slow, like they’re trying to make it last. Regulus knows that he is. 

Unfortunately, good things like this don’t last. Regulus isn’t sure how much time passes, but James pulls away and sits at the edge of the bed, throwing on his work polo shirt. A shame. Regulus leans up, lying on his elbow, just admiring.

And then James needs to go.

“I get off for lunch at eleven,” he tells Regulus while searching for- something, Regulus doesn’t know what, on the desk. “I can meet you at the running track again?”

Regulus is, at least, grateful for the fact that they’re on the same page of spending every second they can together on their last day. It’s a Sea Day, thank god, so Regulus doesn’t have anything planned. He’s sure that he can guilt Andromeda and Ted into watching over their own child today- or, he can drop Dora off at the Teen’s Room again to get an extra glimpse of James. 

Regulus nods, finally sitting up again. He nearly hits his head on the top bunk, quickly paling when he glances to James-

“I, uh.. told Pete it may be best not to come back to the cabin last night,” James laughs at Regulus’ expression, as if it weren’t a genuine concern. “He didn’t.”

“Right,” Regulus mutters, shaking his head. “Right, well.” He doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t want to leave. Doesn’t want to continue the conversation, because it’ll have to end in good-bye.

“But I think Sirius told you about the party later, right?” James continues, finally finding a key card on the desk and shoving it in his pocket. 

“Yeah.”

“So you’ll come?”

To be honest, Regulus thinks that he’d much prefer getting James to himself. But also, he would like to say good-bye to Sirius properly. He’d like to see his brother in his element, and, as much as he won’t admit it, would like to see if he could fit in. This is both Sirius and James’ world. 

Regulus wants to be a part of it.

So he agrees, and James beams like he’s just told him the greatest news ever, and then there’s another kiss before James checks the time and curses, rushing to put on his shoes and get to work. He tells Regulus that he can stay as long as he likes, that he’ll see him at eleven, and-

“-Bye, I love you!”

Just like that.

Regulus tosses his head back on the pillow and doesn’t even try to prevent the smile on his face from forming.

 

-

 

“And where were you last night?” comes Dora’s voice, though it’s clear she already knows and just wants to tease him in front of Andromeda and Ted.

The lucky thing is that James had to wake up relatively early for his work, and Dora, Andy, and Ted are all natural late risers. So, they weren’t concerned about Regulus going missing (as it should be, seeing as Regulus is a fully grown adult, and Regulus had told him that he was going out with ‘some friends’ the night before), and he managed to get back in time to join them all for breakfast. 

“Some friends, I told you,” Regulus responds, rolling his eyes. 

“Uh huh.”

Of course, he can tell that no one is convinced. First of all, Regulus is not the type to make friends randomly on a week-long vacation. He is also not the type to just hang out with them, and certainly not late at night, and he’s never so consumed with whatever they’re doing to not text his family back.

And he’ll tell Andy later all about it- he’s kept her in the dark for long enough, honestly, but he’s not going to do it in front of Dora. At breakfast.

“Well, I’m glad you’ve been coming out of your shell,” Andy says, changing the subject. “Didn’t I say this would be good for you?”

Yes. Regulus knows that Andy was right. He knows that it’s true, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. Also, it doesn’t mean that he won’t be miserable the next two weeks - but that’s not Andy’s fault. 

“It was alright,” he reluctantly admits. “Could have done without the ziplining, though-”

“I’m getting more pancakes,” Dora announces, getting up without a warning. Regulus has to hide a small grin, because he honestly just loves seeing Dora get to do everything that Regulus couldn’t have done, everything that Andy couldn’t have done when they were younger. He doesn’t care that Dora interrupted him, because it wasn’t like he was saying anything that important, but she gets to have her pancakes and not be terrified to say it.

Ted gets up a few seconds later and follows her after a silent conversation with Andy, and Regulus watches her eyes follow him until they’re out of sight.

“I really am proud of you,” Andy says softly as Regulus returns to his food. Ah, he thinks. So they’re having a sentimental conversation now. That doesn’t actually happen often, with both Andy and Regulus being Blacks, and Blacks being anything but sentimental. She’s just as stubborn as he is.

“I don’t know what for,” Regulus mutters, playing with his food. 

He’s not angry with Andromeda. He’s not upset. He can’t be. 

He can hold a grudge, and is a master at them. But he’s reasonable with his grudges, and he just can’t justify one against Andromeda. She hasn’t done anything wrong.

But he’s not going to tell her that. Like he said, they’re Blacks, and they’re stubborn.

Andy sighs. “Well, Sirius told me that you two exchanged numbers.”

Regulus nods with no response.

“You’re just as bad as Dora sometimes, you know that?” Andy shakes her head, but she says it fondly. “Well, I want you to know that even if this wasn’t the intended outcome, I’m really happy for you two. I’m glad you can still reconnect.”

Because I can’t, is what Regulus knows she’s leaving out. She’s glad that Regulus has gotten to know Sirius again, because she will never get that with her sisters.

Sometimes, things remain bittersweet. It’s hard to accept, but it’s true.

“Me too,” he murmurs. 

They’re not perfect yet - likely, they’ll never be. But it’s a start. And Regulus knows, more than anything, that just having the chance means everything in the end. Knowing that you’ll be welcomed changes it all.

“You’ll tell me, won’t you?” Andy says quietly, and Regulus looks up. She doesn’t specify, but he nods. He’ll tell her everything once he’s more sure of it. He thinks that when he gets home, it’ll be a harsh fall back to reality. He’ll need a few days to get used to it. He’ll need to process everything that’s happened this week, because it’s all turned into a blur - a beautiful, sunny, perfect blur, full of sharp moments, but he needs to get a bigger picture. 

But he’ll tell her. Once he figures it out, he will. 

And he’ll make sure that James meets her - he’s not worried about that at all, because he’s sure that James will be able to charm her easily, and she only wants what’s best for Regulus.

It doesn’t get better than James Potter.

Andromeda smiles, satisfied, and they return to breakfast until Dora and Ted return, Dora’s plate not full of pancakes, but instead a french toast which she rants about as being the best thing she’s ever tasted and you have to try some.

Regulus is starting to feel that home is not a place, but people. And there’s been a few pieces missing, but here, on this boat, right now? He’s got all of them together.

 

-

 

Regulus’ meeting with James consists of a lot of talking, a lot of kissing, and a quick lunch before James has to return back to work.

It was four hours, altogether. Eleven to three.

Four hours weren’t enough.

Nothing is enough, not really, so Regulus takes the minutes as they come, loves with his whole heart as they pass, and then forces his brain not to count down the hours when they’re gone. 

He goes to visit Sirius, who is, unfortunately, doing a rehearsal with Marlene at the moment.

But Remus and Lily are there, and free, and so he ends up dragged into a conversation with them instead.

“So, you two are technically brothers in law then, aren’t you?” Lily points out, and Regulus gets the idea that she and Remus are both incredibly protective over Sirius, based on their initial reactions towards him. But they seem to be warming up to him, just a little, which Regulus doesn’t quite understand. He’s never considered himself easy to get along with.

Then again, maybe it’s Remus and Lily that are easy to talk to. They all have the same interests, and Regulus learns that Lily is also a younger sibling. Remus is an only child. They all must have some experience from hiding away from the world, and they all found it in books.

“I suppose so,” Regulus answers, a bit tense. He’s not expecting Remus to immediately act like his best friend, especially because of how Regulus has hurt Sirius. As much as Regulus would like to think that there are no sides to pick from, the odds are clearly in Sirius’ favor. 

“I think it’s a match made in heaven,” Remus comments, which takes Regulus by surprise. He almost whips his head around in shock. “I mean, an English teacher? Sirius should have told me that to begin with.”

“He’d be scared of you leaving him for Reg,” Lily jokes, eyes bright.

Regulus laughs despite himself. “And why’s that?”

“It’s what I would’ve done if I didn’t start skating,” Remus says casually, tilting his head. “I was studying it as well-”

“Oh, don’t sell yourself short,” Lily scoffs, “He was halfway to a PhD in literature before he came here.”

“I was a few months into a PhD,” Remus clarifies, rolling his eyes as if it means nothing. “There’s a difference.”

Regulus gapes. “So- you just did all that and dropped it to come here? Wait, how did you even do both skating and-”

“I didn’t. I quit skating in high school because of an… accident. I was actually on the waiting staff here first, and then Sirius convinced me to try skating again. I, surprisingly, didn’t fall right away-”

“He was great,” Lily says quickly, “Like he’d never been off the rink. Obviously, he had to train for a while and a lot to get the job, but-”

“Worth it,” Remus smiles, “No regrets.”

And, well. With that information, Regulus thinks that Remus might have had a point with them being a match made in heaven. They continue ranting and talking for hours, until Sirius’ voice interrupts them from behind.

“ Regulus! Why are you stealing my husband?”

The three of them erupt in laughter.

 

-

 

The party, according to James, is less of an official thing, and more like an end-of-cruise hangout for all the staff that can make it. Obviously, a large portion of the crew is still working at the time, but James is not.

Regulus could not be more grateful.

He’s gotten most of his packing done earlier, before the party and after Remus and Lily had to join Sirius and Marlene for more rehearsals, and it had taken everything in him to block out the anxious thoughts. He blasted his music in his headphones, and then when he was done, decided to help Dora pack her stuff (because she would likely forget anyway), just to distract himself.

His room is empty except for the stuff that will go into his backpack tomorrow, and a suitcase.

It feels like the end of a lifetime, despite it only being a week.

They find Sirius and Remus relatively quickly, and Regulus sticks to those three for most of the night. He’s glad to say that he actually recognizes a few other people from the night before, and just random people that Sirius and James had pointed out. He doesn’t talk to them, of course, but baby steps.

Music is blasting from some corner of the room - it’s a lounge that’s reserved solely for crew, and there’s some drinks and snacks in the corner. Regulus knows there’s a small chance of him being kicked out of here, but he doubts it’ll lead to any serious consequences.

James’ hand intertwines with Regulus. He pulls them to the center of the room as some pop song starts playing, and Regulus’ walls crumble.

He feels happy. It’s a type of freedom that he thinks he’s only felt once before- when he first escaped his house.

He lets himself let go of his mistakes, his ghosts - forgive and forget, and all that - his worries and his doubts - he’s happy now, and really, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?

He thinks that that’s something James would tell him if he confessed his thoughts, so he decides that's the right answer.

The whole place is indoors with no windows, but Regulus would guess that the sun went down a while ago. He’s drunk without drinking an ounce of alcohol - drunk in love, he would say, if that weren’t horrendously cheesy. He thinks it anyway.

Throughout the whole night, James does not once let go of Regulus’ hand. It makes his heart skip a beat when he realizes, and knowing that Regulus, not once, had wanted to let go. 

After years of dating and getting tired, bored, distracted- this is something that Regulus wants to hold on to. Honestly, he’s known it from the first second. He thinks that James has, too.

Sirius throws an arm around Regulus’ shoulder, pointing out something across the room for the others to laugh at, then leans close and whispers in Regulus’ ear, “I’ll miss you.”

Regulus freezes. It’s not- despite all the heartwrenching spilling of guts they’ve done over the past few days, this isn’t something that they just say to each other. They’re Blacks.

And yet, Regulus waits a few seconds, feeling Sirius’ tense frame next to him, then turns and mouths, “Me too.”

Sirius smiles. It’s a start.

It’s not long after that James and Regulus leave the party, and Regulus is sure that it’s probably well past midnight, and he needs to wake up early tomorrow to leave the ship, but he’d rather be grouchy over the next few days (and probably will be even if he does get sleep, so there’s no loss there), than waste precious time that he could be spending with James.

They go out onto the deck. Regulus gets to lean his head on James’s shoulder as they murmur sweet nothings in front of the ocean, watching the waves crash against the ship. The sky is clear except for the stars, and Regulus notes that they’re just a bit late to see his star. It’s visible still, but just barely, and he points it out- right above Venus.

James places a kiss on Regulus’ hair. Regulus leans up, and kisses him properly.

He’s never fallen so quickly and so thoroughly, but he knows, deep in his soul, that it’s the kind of love that will last. It’s the kind that Regulus has seen in Remus and Sirius, the kind in Andromeda in Ted, the kind that’s the focus of all the greatest stories.

Two weeks. Suddenly, it doesn’t feel like all that much at all. It’s just the blink of an eye. Regulus will take it any day in exchange for a lifetime with James.

 

-

 

The night blends into day easily. Regulus doesn’t get a wink of sleep. He doesn’t mind it, not one bit. 

He kisses James before he has to leave, and though it starts slow- wanting to savor and memorize it like they had the day before, it quickly turns desperate, wanting to cling on to what little time they have left to touch each other and feel each other’s lips, hands, and heartbeats.

Time passes, still. It’s unavoidable, inevitable.

But that also means that time will still pass when Regulus leaves, and with time passing comes the chance to see James sooner.

When Regulus returns to solid ground, the waves take on a new meaning. It’s no longer what will take James away - it’s what brought Regulus to him, and it’s what will bring James back. Time and time again, the tide will return, and with it comes James.

Regulus, on the shore, will stay the same. He will continue to wait for James to come back, let time pass and hold on to it, hold on to those memories when he leaves, and let time pass again to await his return.

One day, the waves will no longer carry him out to sea. The two of them will stay on the shore, having found their home, and Regulus will surely have things to regret, but their time away from land will never be one of them.

Notes:

i am... HONESTLY SO ?? WTF?? TAYLOR AND I ARE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH I SWEAR BC TODAY IS THE DAY THAT SHE SWITCHED HER TWITTER LAYOUT OUT OF 1989, meaning 1989 era is over. and it's. the day i'm posting the final ch of this. like WTFLKJSDF?? also me finishing my rep au on oct 13 (shh, it's not 14, it was def 13) like. idk just crazy

anyway, this was just a sweet little fic that i got a tad bit too attached to. i promised my beta reader (hi jenna, you know exactly how many wip's i have that will most likely never get past an outline and a playlist) that i would keep it under 30k words and all i can say is... I WAS CLOSE OKAY it just went a tiny bit over. i blame the sirius angst, but that was just unavoidable.

(also, if you can notice how many taylor references i dropped in just this chapter, gold star. i haven't counted, but just while proof-reading it, goddamn there's a lot)

thank you so much for reading, this was truly just a little moment of fluff bc i feel like it's necessary sometimes, yk?? well my next fic def won't be that. very excited. <3