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He was holding it together just fine. He endured all the celebratory greetings and small talk with as much presence as he could muster, listening to Makepeace’s expression of relief that he was alive and snake-less – he was, wasn’t he? – and congratulating the General, Teal’c, and Master Bray’tac on their perfect timing and perfect aim with what he thought was sufficient enthusiasm.
He fell into step with Daniel as they walked through the Stargate, managing to keep his focus on supporting the young man who limped along with a large gash visible in his thigh, and when they emerged on the other side and Dr. Fraiser ordered them all, in no uncertain terms, to report to the infirmary, he thought he succeeded pretty well to look suitably annoyed even though in reality he was weak-kneed in gratitude.
Carter, god bless her, explained to Fraiser what had happened – he repressed a shudder and clenched his fists to stop himself from rubbing the back of his neck – and Janet hauled him off to the MRI immediately.
Daniel was standing at his feet, all bandaged up, when the machine whirred to a halt and spit him back out. “It’s gone,” he said immediately, before Jack could even sit up, before Fraiser could even get into the room to report the results. “It’s gone, Jack.”
Jack took a moment, shutting his eyes, to feel the desperate relief, then nodded. His eyes met Daniel’s and he saw the depth of understanding there, before the young man blinked and looked away. Jack sat up slowly as Fraiser confirmed what Daniel had told him.
He held it together through the rest of the physical and the rapid-result blood tests, Carter’s confirmation that she could sense no presence within him, Fraiser’s explanation, confirmed by Bray’tac, that the dead G’oul’d would have broken down quickly once dead, and his body’s immune system would clear it like a virus.
He joked his way through the debrief and did his best to stay neutral when Carter reported that she’d been in touch with the To’kra who confirmed that G’oul’d could not survive extreme freezing, even though he had an overwhelming urge to leap across the table and hug her fiercely for going the extra mile.
And then it was all over, and Hammond was walking him to the elevator and telling him to take a few days, and then he was on the surface, and it was Earth, not Hathor’s facility, and he felt for the first time, truly, that he was home, safe, and it wasn’t an illusion anymore.
Daniel was waiting for him in the car. Instructions had obviously already been given to the airman driving them back to Jack’s place. They rode in silence, climbed the steps to his home in silence, entered in silence. Daniel guided him to the couch. He sat. Daniel sat on the coffee table and leaned in toward him, placing one hand on each of Jack’s knees. “It’s gone,” he said again.
Jack opened his mouth to say, 'I know', but what came out was, “Is it?”
And then he wasn’t holding it together anymore. He was collapsing forward into Daniel’s arms, burying his head in Daniel’s shoulder, panting for breath, clinging, while the other man held on tightly, rubbing circles into his back and muttering platitudes in his ear. He didn’t cry, exactly, but he didn’t exactly not cry, just sort of laid there smushed into his friend, snuffling, for what felt like a really long time. Finally, he pulled away.
“Better?” Daniel asked.
“I don’t know,” he answered, surprising himself with his honesty. “I don’t know what’s…” he gestured helplessly at himself.
“You’re in shock, Jack.”
“Oh.” As an explanation, it made good sense.
“Go take a shower. You’ll feel better.”
“Okay.” He didn’t move.
After a moment, Daniel stood and pulled Jack to his feet by his elbows, then walked him to the bathroom. Jack managed to deal with his clothes while Daniel got the water running. “I’ll be right outside,” he said.
“Okay.” He watched Daniel leave and close the door behind him. He stood, naked, in the middle of the bathroom, listening to the water running, for what seemed like forever. Then he convinced his feet to step over the ledge and into the tub.
When the water hit his skin, it was wonderfully, blissfully, heavenly hot. He hadn’t realized how cold he still felt. He braced his arms on the shower wall and let the water course over his head and down his back. He straightened and held his face up into it, eyes squeezed shut. He turned and let the water beat down on his head.
His mind started to clear. He reached down and shut the shower off, stepping out and wrapping himself in a towel. He indulged the itch at the back of his brain and reached up to check the wound on the back of his neck, twisting around to glimpse it in the mirror. “It’s gone,” he told his image. It felt more real, like it probably was true, this time.
He sat on the toilet and basked in the steamy warmth of the room. Finally, he reached for the robe hooked on the back of the door and put it on, tying it securely around his waist, and opened the door.
Daniel was exactly where he said he’d be, sitting on the floor right outside. Jack smiled and reached down to help his friend to his feet.
“Feel better?” Daniel asked.
“Yes,” Jack said. He paused for a moment, then added, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Daniel replied, smiling. He half-turned, like he was heading down the hall.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” Jack blurted out, grasping Daniel’s sleeve to stop him.
Daniel seemed amused. “No, Jack,” he replied gently. “I’m not leaving. I ordered Chinese.”
“Oh,” Jack replied. Suddenly food seemed like a wonderful idea. He was ravenous. They ate straight out of the containers using the plastic forks that came with the delivery. Jack noticed there were no noodle dishes. Trust Daniel to attend to the details.
Finally, satiated, he sat back, sighing deeply. “It’s gone,” he said, and he meant it.
“Yup.” Daniel pushed the last carton away from him, wiping his lips with a napkin.
“Thank God,” Jack continued.
“Yup,” Daniel was smiling at him now. Jack smiled back.
“Are you okay?” he asked, pointing vaguely at Daniel’s leg.
“Yup.”
Jack laughed. Daniel stood, walking around the kitchen table, and lifted Jack to his feet again. Their bodies were very close together.
“And you’re staying.”
“Yup.” Daniel was leaning toward him.
Jack met him in a kiss. Daniel’s arms wrapped around him, holding him together.