Chapter Text
Wiggog Y’rath Monroe turned seventeen today, and he intended for it to be perfect. Yesterday may have been Thanksgiving, sure, but today was all about him. It had certainly started off well enough- everyone else had left to set up for his party down at Pizza Pete’s, so he had the house to himself for a couple hours. At the very least, he thought he had the place to himself.
When he came tromping down the stairs, he discovered his youngest sibling laying on the floor of the family room and no, that wasn’t right. She was supposed to have left already with everybody else. Mumzy had promised he could have alone time on his special day.
“Why are you here, Web’byn?” He steps right up next to her. She doesn’t respond, too absorbed in her comic. “Web’byn. Webby answer me.” When she doesn’t respond again he jabs her side with his boot. Webby squeals, rolling onto her back and kicking out at him in return.
“Owww! Don’t be a dick, Wiggly!”
“Why. Are you. Still here?” He asks again, looming over her with a sour expression.
She shrugs, hugging the well-loved superhero story to her chest. “I dunno, ask Mom. She said she’d tell me when we were gonna go get your party ready.”
“Well you clearly didn’t lis-sen, did you Webby?”
“I did though!” Webby whines, moving to sit up. “She didn’t tell me!”
… Linda would forget her at home, wouldn’t she. He pulls his phone out, quickly flicking through until he finds her in his contacts.
She answers on the second ring. “Hi there darling! How are you enjoying your birthday so far?” In the background, he can halfway hear the chaos of his brothers trying to get along; it doesn’t seem to be going well if Pokey and Tinky’s shouting is anything to go by.
“It’s just dandy here, Mumzy, but I do think you may have forgotten something here.” He replies, trying his best to sound cheerful for her sake. His sister snorts, putting a hand up and glancing around as if wondering where the noise could have possibly come from. She doesn’t have him fooled for a second.
“Nnnooo, I don’t think I forgot anything. Why, did one of the boys leave their present on the counter?”
He sits down on the couch as he replies.“I don’t see any prezzy-wesents, but Webby-kins is still here. You left her here.”
“Oh- damn it all, I swore I had her right here- Nibblenephim Monroe, if you so much as swipe your finger in that frosting you’re grounded.” Wiggly snickers as he hears the resulting whining. “Sorry Wiggly, why are you calling again?”
“Webby is here. I want her gone until it’s time for my party.”
“Well I can’t exactly leave and come get her, dear, I’m the only one holding things together. And god knows your father would probably screw it up somehow. Can you just bring her over when you come?”
Wiggly huffs, glaring down at where Webby sits. This is not how he wanted today to go, and today of all days is supposed to go well for him. “Why do I have to babysit the little bratty-wrat, Mumzy?!” He complains. “It’s my birthday!”
“I know sweetheart, but could you please keep an eye on her until we finish setting up your party?” Linda croons from the other end of the phone call. “I just want everything here to be absolutely perfect for my big strong- Gerald? Gerald you moron, that's the wrong shade of green. Well of course I’m sure it’s wrong, I’m not the one who’s colorblind Gerald! Go get the other set!” She sighs. “Wiggog, darling, just make sure she doesn’t disappear into the woods for another hour, bring her to Pizza Pete’s with you. I promise you won’t have to think about her for the rest of the day after that.”
“You promise, Mumzy-wumzy?”
“I promise, Wiggly-giggly.” She coos into the phone. “Be good, alright- Gerald, I swear if you touched that cake-!” The call ends abruptly.
“... Great.” Wiggly groans and shoves his phone into his jacket pocket. “You’re not going to be a pesky lit-tle spider today, are you Web’byn?”
“Nooo, I’m not gonna ruin your birthday, Wigglyyyy. God.” She draws his name out, rolling back onto her stomach to resume her reading. “When are we gonna go?”
“Less than an hour- actually.” He leans forward, looking her over. “We’ll leave after you fix your hair. You look like you went through a tornado.”
“Lemme finish this first.”
Oh, he absolutely does not want to do this today. “You’ve read that stupid thing a hundred times, Webby. Do it now.”
“You’re not the boss of me!”
“Right, that’s it-” Wiggly stands up and she shrieks, scrambling to her feet and upstairs as quickly as she can. “I’m coming to get you, Web’byn!” He calls up to his sister, snickering as he sits right back down on the couch. Hopefully that will keep her occupied until it actually is time to go.
They get to Pizza Pete’s with relatively little trouble and, true to her word, Mumzy hands Web’byn off to Gerald as soon as they step into the restaurant. He won’t have to worry about her for the rest of the afternoon.
Some of his classmates are here- Stephanie and Mr. Lauter are having a hushed argument by the present table, and Max and his jock idiots are out in the arcade portion of the restaurant playing one of those cheesy shooting games. PJ from his calculus class is trying to strike up a conversation with Brooke, the student council treasurer. The conversation doesn’t seem to be going anywhere though- Brooke never seems to be able to put her phone away. Most of the other guests appear to be Mumzy’s friends from the Boating Society and their kids, but he’s fine with that. As long as he gets to have fun today.
Nibbly runs up to him with a wide grin and presents a closed fist to him. “I got you a gift!” He announces proudly around a lollipop stick.
“... Do I want to know what it is?” At his littlest brother’s nod, Wiggly sighs and steels himself to take whatever it might be. “Fine, show me.”
Nibbly shoves a handful of cheap, sticky lollipops into his hand. They’re the same kind you can get at the prize counter for five tickets each, and a few have clearly been unwrapped, licked, and rewrapped again. Oh… God no.
Wiggly bares his teeth at Nibbly in the best attempt at a smile he can manage while holding the sweets. “This… is certainly a surprise.”
“I know!” He cackles and wanders back off into the crowd. Wiggly waits until he can’t see the other and dumps the candy in the trash. Plans never tend to stand up to the actual situations, but this birthday can still be a good one. Pleasantries still have to be dealt with, then cake, then finally he can get to the REAL presents.
The rest of the party goes well enough, in Wiggly’s opinion- the only opinion that matters in these circumstances. He and Pokey get into a vicious air hockey match that ends with the puck flying off under one of the machines, which meant that he had clearly won, no matter what Blinky’s little video of the incident shows. He makes some small talk with a few of his guests: they’re exactly as captivating as he expects them to be, especially Mumzy’s friends. Everyone dutifully shuffles over to the tables to sing Happy Birthday and enjoy grocery store cake that only had a bit of the icing already swiped away. Finally, finally they get to the part he’s been anticipating since this morning.
Each present is shredded open one by one. Of course he thanks all the givers, though he couldn’t care less about most of the offerings. A gift card to Toy Zone, a journal with a shiny green cover, a pair of socks (socks? really?) patterned with octopi: junk, junk and more junk is what it amounts to. Exactly three of the presents are pleasant surprises.
The first is the twins’ present- a speaker and a new pair of headphones, which causes him to wonder where exactly they got the money for them. Blinky just snickers and Tinky tells him not to worry about it, so he doesn’t. The second is a set of car keys from his parents- Wiggly is rendered speechless for a few seconds, but manages to recover successfully and even fakes a couple tears about just how touched he is. Gerald also seems shocked at the gift, but Linda grabs his arm too tightly for him to complain. The third is, strangely enough, Webby’s gift. Lord only knows how or when she got it, but when he unwraps the brown paper with spiderwebs doodled all over it, he finds a set of calligraphy pens. The nice kind too, not just shitty plastic. He wasn't even aware she knew about this particular hobby of his. Perhaps he’d overestimated just how much of a nuisance she could be.
… Eh. Introspection could wait for another day. Right now he was going to see if he could bother one of the employees into getting them a new air hockey puck.