in Every Universe; Still I Rise

by Rubydubydooooo122

Summary:

“Jay, you gotta wake up. It’s too cold for you to fall asleep.” He placed a finger to his neck.
Ice cold, and pulse too slow, but he cradled himself close, hoping he could will heat back into him. He doesn’t die here. Why is this version of him dying?

In every universe Jason Peter Todd dies young. It’s a fate sealed across the multiverse. Maybe he could hope that there’s one universe where he doesn’t.

aka, Jason, Dick, and Bruce go multiverse hopping, and are not having a fun time.

Notes:

• Inspired by [Restricted Work] by curiositea (Log in to access.)

Chapter title from 'The Road Not Taken', by Robert Frost
the first poem is called 'To Heaven’s Gates', by Maria Kraus

Chapter 1: The Road Not Taken

If only both Dick and Bruce didn’t have the same idea to shove Jason out of the way from opposite sides. Maybe he would’ve still gotten hit with the device, but at least both of his shoulders wouldn’t have been bruised. They were fighting Black Mask and his posse who  had gotten ahold of a transportation device. And that’s what Jason got hit with. Because certain people (Cough, Batman– past, present and otherwise, Cough) refused to communicate. 

Right. Bearings. Then head back to Gotham. 

Ah shit. Of course he was stranded with Bruce and Dick. Of course.

They need to get back to Gotham. Tim, Damian and Cass were more than capable of taking care of themselves, but after they finish the fight, they’re going to start spiraling. Because Bruce and Dick are gone. 

“Nightwing, Batman, wake up.” He lightly shook their shoulders, while looking around. They were in a warehouse, with a bunch of crates in it. He could hear people walking around, but they were pretty hidden where they were. “We gotta get back to Gotham. They’re all gonna think we’re dead again.” The setup of the wearhouse was eerily familiar. The sooner they got out the better. 

He ducked the twin reflex punches from both of them and gave them a deadpan glare. Not that it could be seen through his helmet. The sentiment still stands.

Bruce grunted, “Status.”

“A little nauseous, but other than that, fine. Hood?”

“Sore shoulders from both of you ramming into me.” He peeked over the crate they were hiding behind–

No. 

His heart crept up into his throat, pulse pounding like a drum in his ears

They can’t be here. How were they here? Now? At this point in time? She couldn’t still be here.

He ducked back down, “Br-atman, We’ve gotta go.” As if on cue, there was a cackle.

Jason didn’t even see the monster, just her . 

Dick set himself in determination, then popped up to get a look himself,  “Besides the Joker it’s just three people. No hostages.”

Jason barely heard what he said. He just had to focus on taking off his jacket without his hands shaking, to hand to Dick. Of all the places to be sent back to, why here?

 He took off his helmet and domino and tore off the Bat on his chest, handing them to Bruce, “STT-1.” Situation time travel- past. Meaning they couldn’t interfere. Which sucks because, ya know, Jason was about to die. 

He turned to Dick, mainly because he didn’t want to see the expression Bruce was making, “You’re off world. You’re also in your deep V-Neck era, so…” he made a zipper motion.

Dick’s face paled in realization, “No.”

“Dick–”

“No! We can’t just let you die.” 

Jason looked to Bruce, because he was certain he was going to say something like ‘We can’t mess with the timeline,’ but Bruce just seemed frozen.

Jesus Christ, why does he have to be the level headed one for his own death. And he was seconds away from a panic attack. “I’ll come back.” Though he could feel his stomach twist. Knowing you’re going to come back doesn’t make watching yourself die any better. “There aren’t any windows and only one door, but they’re gonna be near the door, so I say we go up.” he reached for his grapple.

Bruce rested a hand on his elbow, but before he could say anything, Jason cut him off. “I-I don’t–” His voice cracked, “You don’t want to watch this.” because if he did, if Jason did, he would need at least four to five weeks to recover, and they didn’t have that time. They needed to get back. The longer they stayed, the more ripples they made. He’s watched ‘Back to the Future’ enough times to know that much. 

God he wished Tim was here. He’d at least be better at compartmentalizing this whole situation than anyone here. They were all too emotionally involved. They were all too close to a boy who was about to be dead.

Bruce nodded, like his mind was in another place, but then grabbed his grapple and shot up to the ceiling. 

Jason waited to watch Dick do the same, before following. Bruce was already out of the hole he had made in the roof, but he could hear the door opening below, and clammered after Dick. They had to hurry, because a smaller Jason was about to come in, stage right.

“Mom.” 

Jason grabbed Dick in one hand and Bruce in the other and tugged them down and out of sight.

“Jason?”

He knew the conversation by heart. It’s the lines that repeat over and over and over again in his brain. It’s the sounds he hears when he wakes up from nightmares. Not the sound of a crowbar meeting skin, or the sound of laughter, but the sound of betrayal.

“You’ve got big trouble, mom. I know about it… the Joker… everything.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Come on, mom! Play straight with me! I can help you.”

“Sure, tell me about it.”

Don’t. Don’t, You idiot. Don’t tell her. 

There was the sound of a zipper being undone, “There’s a lot about me you don’t know.”
“That… That outfit… you’re…” He could feel the hairs on his neck stand up, as his mother put the puzzle pieces together. As she figured a way out for herself. “Come with me.”  

He felt Dick’s grip tighten on his hand, as if holding onto him would stop a 15 year old him from walking into that warehouse. Yet the touch felt miles away. Galaxies, even. 

“Wait! The Joker–”

“Is long gone. There’s nothing to worry about, but I’ve got something to show you.” 

Even in the heat of the desert, Jason felt his blood run cold. There was a static in his ears, and the floor started to spin. He was such a stupid kid. 

God this sucks. He has more trauma than this moment. He’s worked through this trauma. Especially after Damian’s death. So why does it still feel like someone’s pouring acid on a stab wound?

Bruce’s hand slipped out of Jason’s as he bolted back towards the hole in the roof, but Dick grabbed his cape before Bruce could drop in. “Bruce, we can’t–”

“Why not? I can save him this time!”

He could hear them talking about embezzlement below. He could hear the obnoxious laughter as the butt of a pistol hit his face. He could feel skin on skin as the goons three times his size beat him up. 

“Because this Jason needs you more.”

He could feel metal against skin. The numbness of the initial hit, followed by the bone deep pain aching across his entire body. “What hurts more? A” crack,  “or B?” thwack, “Forehand,” pop, “Or Backhand?” There was laughter. Just laughter.

“Jason, you need to breathe.” Bruce’s hand supported his right hand from the bottom, “In…” Bruce gently folded each of Jason’s fingers until his hand was in a fist, “and out…” he traced each finger while unraveling them. “In…” Thumb, pointer, middle, ring, pinky, “and out…” Pinky, ring, middle, pointer, thumb. “In…” fold fold fold fold fold “and out…” open open open open open.

“Jason! You’re still alive!”

Jason shook his head. This is not the time for a panic attack. He could do that later. Preferably in the safety of his own apartment. With no one else around to see it. “We’ve gotta move. The bomb’s gonna go off. Two minutes.”

Dick had that look on his face, but turned towards Bruce “B, which way do you come from?”

He looks out in the distance towards a red truck. Dick started towards the opposite direction, shooting his grapple to slow his fall, but Bruce was still looking at the truck.

Jason gripped Bruce’s elbow and pulled him along in the direction Dick went in, “ Gotta get you outta here .” Below, his younger self was echoing the phrase to Sheila.

Lovely juxtaposition. 

Bruce seemed to snap out of it as they swung down, the only thing pushing them forwards was instinct. There was heat pulsing on the back of his neck as darkness engulfed him. His ears rang as the explosion sounded, sending them tumbling.

A weight was holding him down. He could only see darkness. The smell of smoke was wrapping around his throat like a noose. 

He was dying. 

He was dying again . 

Yet, he wasn’t. He could still breathe. The darkness and weight weren’t suffocating, they were familiar. He didn’t realize he was that acquainted with Death. 

No, wait. He’s not dead. He’s breathing. He’s not choking. His lungs aren’t filled with blood. He’s not dying.

The Darkness unraveled around him, and he felt fingers on his wrist. Then his neck. He was looking at a face. He was looking at Bruce, who was searching him head to toe for any injury “Bruce, I’m ok.” 

His ears were ringing though. He didn’t know if it was the explosion, or the panic attack from earlier, but he wants the ringing to stop. He wants to hear whatever threat might come their way.

He pushed Bruce’s hands away, and went to stand so he could assess their surroundings, but was immediately knocked off balance by Dick fussing over him. He swatted him away, “I’m fine.”

The warehouse wasn’t even close to looking like a warehouse anymore. Of course he’s seen it since he’s died, but freshly exploded the building looked… not promising for anyone who was inside. It wasn’t. Anyone who was inside during the explosion was dead.

“Jason! Where are you!”  

It was Bruce, but it sounded farther away than the Bruce that was right next to him. 

His legs started moving forwards without his permission. Until the smell of smoke was too strong. Until he could feel the heat radiating off the rebar. Until…

Until he saw himself. 

Bloody, bruised, burnt. Facedown, weezing, bent at different angles. At 15 he was smaller than Damian was at 12. 

Jason remembered being all alone in his final moments. Knowing Bruce would come, but he’d be too late. Even though he knew Bruce would be too late, he still hoped. He hoped someone would be there to lay him gently to rest.

He found himself on his knees. Next to the young Robin, brushing hair behind his ear. He heard Robin's breath stutter until another rasp overtook him. Mami used to do it when the days weren’t good, but they weren’t bad. Back when he’d go with her while she’d get her cancer treatments. He’d sit in her lap while she brushed his hair behind his ear, and read to him.

Jason focused on the cross that had spilled out from under his Robin suit. “To heaven's gates we wish to fly, out of this world across the sky; To heaven's gates our souls are seeking; the angel's lyres and voices speaking.” He heard gravel crunching behind him, knowing it was Bruce and Dick he continued “To heaven's gates our lifelong journey; not through these halls atop a gurney.

“To heaven's gates you start to weep; reminded I was never yours to keep. To heaven's gates why mourn with sorrow? Morning shall come, there will be a tomorrow. To heaven's gates I view their glory; glancing behind I close my story.” 

He hears the last exhale, and knows. He can feel it in his soul. He knew when his own time was up. When all he could feel was pain, and then the pain suddenly went away. He knew his time was up. He knew there was nothing he could do. “At heaven's gates I find myself; not bruised, not broken, nor on the shelf. At heaven's gates I hear you cry and remind you: this isn't really goodbye.” He gently tucked the cross back into Robin’s suit, and placed a kiss on his forehead. “May holy Mary, the angels, and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life.”

He stood up and turned back to see Dick with tears painting his face, and Bruce who looked shell shocked.

He heard the other Bruce’s footsteps stagger closer, so he dove behind the nearest piece of rubble. 

“Jason?” Bruce reached out for Little Jason’s wrist. For his pulse. “No. No.” Bruce pulled him up, but he was limp in his arms, “Jay? Lad. It’s ok, it’s ok. It’s just me. It’s Bruce. You can stop pretending.” Bruce’s fingers frantically searched little Jay’s neck. Trying to find something that wouldn’t be there “The Joker is gone. You can wake up now.” He cradled him close. Hand supporting his neck like an infant “ Jason, please.” His voice was dangerously wet, “You can’t be gone. You can’t. You can’t. You haven’t finished— you’re not done with— you can’t be done— you have so much more left—” There were shutters throughout Bruce’s body, causing little Jay’s arm to fall out from where he was cradled close. Bruce couldn’t be crying though. Batman couldn’t be crying. Not for him “ Jason… my boy… my son, please. Come back. Come back. I can’t lose you. Please.”

Jason had to turn away. He had to. This wasn’t for him to see. It was for a boy who was now dead.

 

Everything around them turned too bright. Like they were put into a room where all the walls and the floors were made out of fluorescent lights. Then they were in an alley. A very Gotham looking alley. Covered in snow.

He was regretting giving Dick his jacket, but oh well. 

There was the sound of retching, and when he looked over, Dick was kneeling by a corner of a dumpster, and Bruce had a hand on his back. Except he was staring directly at Jason. 

So, naturally, Jason looked everywhere but Bruce.

Actually, this Alley looked very familiar. It looked a lot like the one he used to squat in when he was freshly homeless. He’s pretty sure if he rounded the dumpster to where Dick and Bruce were, he would find his old shelter of trash bags and cardboard boxes. 

Hold up. 

It’s May in their Gotham. It’s not supposed to be snowing. And they had traveled back. And the super bright light felt the same as the original ray that had sent them back. 

“‘Wing, B–”

“Oh no.” Dick was apparently done throwing up, and was now rustling through the pile, “Kiddo? Can you hear–” There was a sharp inhale, “ Jason?”

“Dick,” He grabbed his elbow to stop him from engulfing his younger self in a hug for warmth. “Dick we’ve gotta go.”

He ripped his arm from Jason’s grasp, and leveled him with an incredulous look, “You’re going to freeze to death.”

Bruce and Dick already somewhat knew. They had assumed, which was rude, because you don’t assume something like that about someone. Besides, he did it because he had to do it. Otherwise he would have frozen to death. And it was only for this winter. He was hiding out in an abandoned apartment building for the rest of the time he was ‘homeless’. “Some…someone comes by.” He shivered and crossed his arms to retain warmth. He hates the cold.

If Dick or Bruce said anything, Jason couldn’t hear them. His ears were still ringing from the blast for some reason.

He shook his head and looked to Bruce for a plan. Except Bruce was still looking at him like he was a ghost. 

Maybe Jason should also be a little shell shocked, but honestly, he could never forget that day. If he’s left alone to think long enough, it’s the only thing he can think of. How he shouldn’t have gone after his Mother. How he shouldn’t have trusted her word. How he shouldn’t have allowed himself to hope that there was someone who would give him unconditional love.

Even Bruce’s love was probably conditional to an extent. He loved Robin, not Jason. And the mission would always come first. Batman would always come first.

Obviously, currently, Batman wasn’t in control, Bruce was trying to grab for the steering wheel, because he was obviously debating actually talking about emotions or repressing them forever and ever and ever. 

Jason groaned, they need a plan of action, “Looks like we keep going further and further into the p-past.” His teeth chattered “I want my Jacket back. You two need civies. T-there’s a Goodwill down the block.” 

Dick unzipped the jacket and handed it to Jason, while slipping under Batman’s cape. 

“Go up, I’ll meet you two on the third story. We were in the other time for like… two hours right? A bit more than that?” It was weird to think how long the Joker took to beat the living shit out of him. It somehow felt simultaneously like seconds and years.

Dick nodded, and reached to his ear, “but switch to line two. Just in case”

Jason reached up to his com to do that, “Can’t believe Mr. Paranoid still uses the same frequency from over 10 years ago.”

Dick snorted, “Not gonna defend yourself, B?”

Bruce just looked at Jason, long and thoughtful. He needed to stop staring. Yes, Jason understood that he was Bruce’s biggest failure. No need to stare at him until he explodes for it.

Yeah, no. This was getting awkward, “I’m gonna–”

“Why didn’t you tell me Sheila betrayed you?” 

Jason felt his eyebrows shoot off of his forehead and into the sun. Bruce? Trying to fix preconceived notions and willingly opening up for a conversation that would definitely involve emotions? 

Jason almost said, Because I was dead , but he didn’t. They just watched him die again, saying that would be cruel, and he needed Bruce to get his head back in the game instead of staring at him like he was about to turn into an apparition.  

Master at compartmentalization my ass . “Can we have this conversation at a different time? Thanks. I’ll be quick.”

And with that, he left for the thrift store.

There was a bitter sense of nostalgia. This was his Gotham. The Gotham he knew before he died. The skyline, the corner stores, the types of small crime that’s still around, but overshadowed by the growing number of crazies in Gotham.

There were even people he remembered who had died years ago. People he couldn’t say goodbye to because he himself had died. 

Right. Clothes.

He was really tempted to get Bruce a Batman shirt for shits and giggles, but who knew how far back they’d go before they managed to get back to their time. So he chose something relatively timeless for both Bruce and Dick. T-shirt, jeans, jacket. No designs that would date them. Also a duffle bag to keep their suits in.

He was just around the corner when Dick spoke into the com.

“Jason, someone’s coming into the alley.”

Now Jason wanted to throw up. He had to close his eyes and tell himself that there were no hands grabbing at him or his clothes. There was not one forcing him to do anything. “Does he have red hair? Balding with a horrible comb over?”

“Yeah.” A beat of silence, “I hate not doing anything. First with the Joker and now with… wait. He’s leaving.”

Jason almost tripped over his boots, but then picked up his pace. “What?”

“He definitely saw you– the younger you. He walked up to you, looked like he was debating something and then walked away.”

He can’t be. In a messed up way, the man saved him. If the man didn’t pimp him out, he would’ve froze to death. He would’ve never fought as hard as he did to find real shelter. He would’ve never lived long enough to meet Bruce. 

Jason rounded the corner into the alley. The man was long gone. Just… leaving little Jason to die.

He knelt next to himself. God, this version of him was even smaller than the one before. If he didn’t know he was supposed to be 10, he would think this kid was eight. His cheeks were sunken from the lack of food, and his face was pale, edging on blue. Hypothermia. Maybe even frostbite at this point.

“Jay, you gotta wake up. It’s too cold for you to fall asleep.” He placed a finger to his neck. 

Ice cold, and pulse too slow, but he cradled himself close, hoping he could will heat back into him. He doesn’t die here. Why is this version of him dying?

Jason placed a hand at the base of his skull, and rubbed circles into his back with the other. He doesn’t remember who used to do that with him, Papi or Bruce, he just remembers nights in the League when all he wanted was that feeling again.

Though, Bruce was holding his dead body like this, so maybe it was him.

He felt his younger counterpart shift the slightest bit in his arms, “ Papi? ” it was barely above a whisper.

Jason knew he looked a lot like him, the only thing that differentiated them from each other was his eyes, and the vitiligo. “ Mi alma.”   My soul . Ironic. God, Papi hasn’t called him that since he was seven. He’d come into their apartment after work– and not the job with Two-Face, his job before that– and be happy to see both him and Mami.

Little Jay gave him a tired smile, that somehow still held the power of the sun. “You came.” Had he always smiled that bright? Even after the streets had hardened him? 

“You needed me.” And he did, but Papi would also be dead with time. 

“‘M tired.” Little Jason wasn’t even shivering. He didn’t even have enough energy to do that. Meaning that, trying to warm him up would be a waste of time. 

“Do… Do you want to rest?” He wasn’t supposed to die here. Yet, he won’t make it. This… this doesn’t make any sense.

Little Jay gave him one slow nod, as he tucked his face into Jason’s chest.

“Alright… Alright. I’ll tell you a story, then. I know you love them.” He took a breath. He couldn’t tell him the poem he had told the 15 year old him. He knew more than one though. “ Two roads diverged in a yellow wood; And sorry I could not travel both; And be one traveler, long I stood, And looked down one as far as I could; To where it bent in the undergrowth.

“Then took the other, as just as fair; And having perhaps the better claim; Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there; Had worn them really about the same,

“And both that morning equally lay; In leaves no step had trodden black; Oh, I kept the first for another day; Yet knowing how way leads on to way; I doubted if I should ever come back.

“I shall be telling this with a sigh; Somewhere ages and ages hence:Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—” He could feel the last of life simmer out. Like someone had placed a lid on top of a candle. “I took the one less traveled by; And that has made all the difference. ” He placed a kiss into Little Jay's forehead and cleared his throat, “May holy Mary, the angels, and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life.”

Bruce and Dick climbed down from the fire escape. 

Neither of them said anything for a moment, until Bruce spoke up, “Not time travel. Alternate Realities.”

It was like saying the words spurred up the bright lights around them. 

This is going to be worse than that time with Rayner.

Chapter 2: Where the Sidewalk Ends

Notes:

Chapter title from "Where the Sidewalk Ends", by Shel Silverstein

“It seems that instead of teleporting us to a set coordinate, the device is sending us across different realities.” Bruce roughly folded up his suit and placed it in the duffle bag. “It’s too early to see if there’s a pattern, or if it’s random, but we were in the first two for different amounts of time. The first one lasted for two hours and 10 minutes, the second reality lasted for an hour and three. Knowing Tim, he’s already working on a way to pull us out. We are going to figure out how to help from our end.”

Dick balled up his suit and tossed it into the duffle, “Should we ask our counterparts for help?”

Ah, ok, so they were just going to skip over the fact that they had just watched Jason die. Twice. “Depends on the universe. Vampire Batman sucks .” Pun very much intended. 

He realized Bruce and Dick were giving him twin confused looks, “You two aren’t the only ones who’ve gone on multiversal adventures.” Jason shook out his fingers. This is why he hates the cold. The bone deep pain is annoying, and it causes his joints to stiffen up like an old man.

Dick frowned, “When?”

Jason shrugged and took weight off of his left knee and hip. Stupid crowbar. “After Duela Dent died, but before Bruce got lost in the timestream.”

“Ahh, so during your villain era.” He zipped up the duffle bag.

“No.” Jason crossed his arms and huffed, “There was a brief moment of time where I was toeing the line of Anti-Hero. It was during that era.”

“You always toe the line of Anti-Hero.”

Jason pitched his voice and wrinkled his nose, “ You always toe the line of– ”

“Boys.” Ugh, Bruce said it in his ‘Robin’ tone. “Focus.”

Jason peeked out the window. Oh! Bingo! “The Library’s across the street.” It was a good place to gather information, especially if you were stranded without electronics. Jason would know. He’s done it many many many times. 

He used to go to this Library all the time. When Babs used to tutor him, when Bruce tried to give him something familiar. When he’d come here every weekend with Mami and they’d sit on the couch shaped like a stack of books, reading for hours and hours. Then they’d come home with a stack of books to last them through the week.

Dick glanced out of the window, “Think we’ll run into Babs?” 

Jason snorted, as they walked out of the door. “Think we’re in a timeline where she hates you for being an idiot? Oh my god, what if you’re with Kori right now?”

Dick squinted at him, “What if… you shut your mouth, Mr. I died a kiss virgin .”

Jason flicked his forehead, “Imagine going back and forth between the same four redheads for over a decade. Couldn’t be me.”

Dick swatted the back of his head

“Ow! Bruce! Dick hit me!” Did it actually hurt? No, but it’s the principal of the matter. If your older brother hits you, you have to overreact to get him in trouble.

“Dick…”

“What– Bruce, but Jason started it.”

Bruce didn’t respond to that, to which Jason gave Dick a shit eating grin, “Well whaddya know? You die three times, you become the favorite.” 

“ Jason .”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry old man.” The crosswalk turned green, but they made sure to triple check before actually crossing. It’s Gotham. No one drives like a sane person.

No one in Gotham was a sane person. It’s because of all the curses, and the water. 

 

The only other person who seemed to be in the library was the librarian, and no, it wasn’t Babs. He couldn’t figure out if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He’ll figure out once they know if this is a good Batman Universe or a bad Batman Universe.

They made a beeline for the computers, and Bruce used the guest sign on. It was 2014, so Jason was probably Robin, unless it was one of those timelines where he didn’t even exist. They first went to the Gotham Gazette, and surely enough the top headline was from two days ago, and read, “Batman and Robin send Two-Face back to Arkham. ” Along with a picture of Batman with a hand on Robin’s shoulder while they watched Two-Face being loaded into a cop car. It was definitely him as Robin, and he’s pretty sure that was the day he tried to kill Two-Face because he had killed Papi.

So it’s a Good Batman Universe.

Dick started fussing with Jason’s hair, “You should bring back the hair loopies.”

Jason was about to swat Dick’s hand away, but then he realized that maybe Dick needed the physical contact to confirm he was alive, so he just fixed Dick with a look. “It doesn’t look the same with the white streaks. And I don’t feel like dying them black. It makes it look like I’m balding when the roots grow in.”

Dick frowned, “You mean you don’t bleach it?”

Jason just raised an eyebrow. He’s been keeping the vitiligo a secret from Dick and he was not about to ruin it because they were stranded. He’s not ashamed of it or anything, he just wants to see how long it takes Dick to figure out. The patches that have lost pigmentation look more like freckles, and since he’s gotten a proper diet the patches haven’t grown. 

The only people who know are Bruce, Alfred, and Leslie, and they’ve all been sworn to secrecy. 

He used to dye his hair in his Robin days. Just to preserve their secret identity. Now, since he wears a helmet, it doesn’t really matter. (That and he’s legally dead. He doesn’t really need to keep his secret identity a secret.)

Even though they knew they could trust this word’s Batman, Bruce continued to go through news articles. Mr. needs to know everything about ourselves.

 

The main door to the Library opened, Jason, Dick and Bruce all looked to who came in and froze.
“Bruce, you didn’t have to bring me here. We have so many books back at the manor.” That was his little tiny baby voice. That was a little tiny him.

“I know, but sometimes, having something familiar to fall back on can be nice. Especially when everything’s so new,” Huh. 

He forgot about how caring Bruce could be at times. (He didn’t. He could never forget. Not when he was one of the few people who have ever shown him kindness. He just chooses to push that Bruce deep down to be locked up in his memories.) Now he’s all doom, gloom, and brood.

He heard his younger self scoff, “Did you…” Jay trailed off “ Papi?”

The pair came closer to them, before stopping a few paces away.

Jason gave them a smile. He wasn’t sure what he was going for, awkward, or apologetic. Maybe a bit of both.

Bruce (the older one) cleared his voice from where he was sitting, “Hello, Bruce, Jason. ART is nice,” Alternate Reality Travel . “Maybe we can look at those books together.” 

 

Honestly, it was just a crazy good coincidence that the Art section was in the back of the library. 

Bruce (the younger one) crossed his arms and stood slightly in front of Jay. “What’s the story?”

It was a chance to weave their code phases into what they were about to say. Would they be the same throughout the multiverse? 

“ One bad night , we were tracking down an operation run by one of the newer rogues, and we got hit by an interdimensional ray. We’re being thrown across realities seemingly at random. We have only been to two so far.” 

Younger Bruce nodded, then looked to Dick, and then to Jason. A soft smile appeared on Bruce’s face (One that radiated so much pride it hurt,) “You two are so big.” Before either of them could respond to that, He patted their shoulders, “Alright, let's get to the manor. Maybe we can figure some things out over there.”

 

They went to leave, but before they did, Jay snagged a couple of books off of different shelves. Maybe being a book nerd was also a universal constant. 

They waited for Jay to check out his books, and then they hit the streets. Younger Bruce apparently parked a couple of blocks away. He’d been awfully quiet since they said they were from an Alternate Reality. Though, to be fair, the timing is awful. He remembers being really withdrawn. For a while after he learned Papi was dead. 

They were walking in pairs on the sidewalk, both Jasons in front, Dick and Bruce behind them, and the old Old Man bringing up the rear.

“So… Dick, how are things in New York?”

Jason and Jay shared a look. He forgot how awkward they used to be if they weren’t screaming at each other or working on a case. 

“Actually, I live mostly in Gotham now. It was Blüdhaven for a while, but with five other siblings, you wanna stay close to home.”

Bruce blinked, “F- Five?”

Dick snorted, “And that’s not even counting the ones who you’ve emotionally adopted. I don’t think B would be able to give you an official number. It’s always ‘I have six children, but there's also…’ and then proceeds to list seven more names.”

The Old Man just grunted.

Dick kept chattering about Bruce's adoption addiction, as they made it to the cross walk. Vaguely talking about random habits each of them have without giving too much away. Though it was another dimension, Jason didn’t know why Dick didn’t just tell Bruce outright. Maybe if Jay had some siblings before he learned about Sheila, one of them would be able to talk him out of going. Though, the only ones that were currently available for Bruce to take in were Cass and Damian, and neither of them liked Jason all that much. Damian’s quarreling about being the ‘blood son’ might even drive him away even faster. 

 

Jay tugged at the end of Jason’s sleeve, his voice was small when he spoke, “Does it… does it ever get better? Does it ever… stop hurting?”

Jason thought about it for a minute. He couldn’t exactly tell the kid that grieving your parents goes forgotten when you’re mourning the person your Dad used to be, even though he’s right in front of you. How miniscule those griefs seem when every moment you’re mourning yourself for what seems like till the end of time. “I mean, when you think about Mami does it still hurt?”

Jay chewed the inside of his cheek and nodded. 

“It… It never really stops hurting. You’ll miss people who meant the whole world to you. People who still do. Even though it’s been years, some days I’ll have the overwhelming urge to put on Billy Joel because I miss listening to Papis voice singing along. Sometimes I just want to curl up in someone’s lap and have them run their fingers through my hair because that’s what Mami used to do. Sometimes—“ he’ll bake too many treats because working in the kitchen seems to bring Alfred’s spirit to life right next to him. Sometimes, Bruce will be yelling at him about his ‘recklessness’ and Jason will have the overwhelming urge to grab his arm and run up to the library because he missed the nights they used to stay up together reading. He misses Bruce’s deep timbre lulling him to sleep. He missed the way Bruce would somehow fend off his worst nightmares. “Sometimes, you miss people so badly. So bad that it hurts something deep inside you, and that pain never really goes away. But the more you let yourself feel that hurt, the less painful it is. So it still hurts, but it gets better. Even when things seem hopeless. Does… Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.” Jay nodded, setting his eyes on the couple in front of them. “So…Are Babs and Dick together in your universe? Or is it Wally? Or Kori? Why does Dick only have a thing for redheads?” 

Jason snorted as the little green walking man lit up, and the couple immediately started walking. “Beats me, little man.” He could totally see them all in a polyamory though. It would solve a lot of problems for Dick.

They must not be from around Gotham if they trust the drivers that much.

Jason watched as Jay’s eyes widened, and he suddenly bolted, “ Move !” There was the sound of a horn, as Jay shoved the couple out of the way. Followed by the sickening crunch of a body making impact with a metal sheet.

No.

No.
He wasn’t supposed to get hurt here. Obviously it was an alternate reality, but how could he have just died from something as simple as a car crash? Why did he have to have a martyr complex and save those people?

“No, no, no, Kid, stay with me.” He lifted Jay up and onto the sidewalk. He could hear yelling in the background, but couldn’t bother to pay attention.

“‘M ‘Rgna g’rge”

Jason had to think about that for a moment, “ Regina George ? Seriously? You just got hit by a car. Not a bus.”

Jay just coughed and gave him a bloody smile.

Punctured lung, probably. That’s not even counting the probable head injury, and– the fatality rate for car crashes are higher for children than adults. Jay’s not gonna make it.

Bruce kneeled next to Jay, and swiped the hair from his forehead, “Old man Bruce is calling 911, Dick is yelling at the driver.” 

He made eye contact with Jason. They both knew Jay wasn’t making it out of this one.

Jay probably knew that too. “Th’re’s a…place… ‘the sidew’lk ‘nds…”

Bruce’s mouth twitched before he began to recite the poem, “ There is a place where the sidewalk ends; And before the street begins; And there the grass grows soft and white; And there the sun burns crimson bright.” His voice got softer and softer with each word, like it usually did while he read in the library, “And there the–the moon-bird rests from his flight; To cool in the peppermint wind.” Bruce sniffled and looked at Jason. Eyes dangerously glossy. Like tears were about to pool out. 

Jason swallowed the lump from his throat, “Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black; And the dark street winds and bends; Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow; We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow; And watch where the chalk-white arrows go; To the place where the sidewalk ends.” 

“ Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow; And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go; For the children, they mark, and the children, they know; The place where the sidewalk ends.” Jay’s eyes glazed over, as the last of his light dimmed behind them. Jason’s stomach knotted as he brought two fingers to gently slide his eyelids shut. He’d done that for multiple people who he had found dead in the alley, he just never thought he’d ever do that for himself. “ May holy Mary, the angels, and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life.”

Then everything turned to white.

Notes:

I'm so glad I didn't make this fic Just Jason and Bruce, because then, there wouldn't be any fun sibling moments to lighten up the tone.
Some angst, with a sprinkle of crack.

Chapter 3: “Hope” Is the Thing with Feathers

Notes:

Chapter Title based off of "“Hope” Is the Thing with Feathers", by Emily Dickinson.

“Shit.” Dick squatted down right where he was and ran his fingers through his hair, “Fuck.” He ran his hands down his face, “Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern.”

Jason blinked. He was still picturing his lifeless eyes staring up into the sky. He was still picturing his frozen body curled into the corner of the dumpster. He was still feeling the way Bruce cradled his lifeless body. “Huh?”

Dick looked to Bruce for help, but something must’ve clicked, “You knew? Bruce, you knew and didn’t–”

“I didn’t want it to be true.” 

“Ah, yes. And the multiverse is just going to bow down to your will.” Dick spit back venomously.

“Obviously not. Dick, it was two times, I didn’t want to worry you two if I was wrong.”

“Since when have you ever cared about worrying us? At least if you’d’ve told us, we could’ve saved Jason!”

Jason decided that if Bruce and Dick were going to make a scene, he was going to take in their surroundings. Make sure someone like… Ultraman doesn’t show up. 

They were on the Wayne Enterprise rooftop… and was that… whispering? Jason stood up and let out a whistle, “Oi! Quit the bickering!” He signed ‘ Someone’s here’ ,  and continued talking “I swear, it’s like we were sent back ten years.” Keeping a hand on the kris in his pocket, Jason rounded the corner where he heard the whispers coming from.

There was someone lurking in the shadows of the HVAC unit. He almost didn’t notice them, but after years of fighting the bats and assassins, and bat-assassins, he knew what to look for. “I can see you.” 

The person lept from the shadows, running at him with a metal stick. A bo staff. It was also a kid, who was very obviously new with the weapon. Jason grabbed the stick, and yoinked it out of the kid’s hand before he could land a hit on him. “Hold it, kid. I’m–”

Suddenly a bundle of red, green, and yellow kicked him right in the Jaw, and punched him in the gut, “Get away or–” He could see the recognition and confusion flutter across Robin’s face, “Who are you?”

“It’s One bad night for ART.” Jason put his hand in the air.

Robin put his hands on his hips and tilted his head to the side, with a little smile “That’s not mine, that’s B’s.” 

“You’re really gonna make me sing it?” Why couldn’t he have chosen a poem or something. Actually, no. He’s been telling poems to Jason's seconds away from death. He should’ve chosen an emo phrase like Bruce. “ I've lived long enough to have learned; The closer you get to the fire, the more you get burned; But that won't happen to us; 'Cause it's always been a matter of trust” 

A soft smile spread across Robin’s face, “You sound just like Papi. Give me one minute to yell at this Cabron. ” he spun around to the kid. “ You are supposed to be back at the cave. Agent A is gonna be so mad at you.”

Now that the kid was in the light and not attacking him, Jason could get a much better look at him. He was slightly taller than Robin, but based on the baby fat on his face and the scolding, he was probably younger. He had an awful bowl cut, (which, wow, his parents must hate him for that,) and was wearing a domino and a black sweatshirt. There was a camera strung around his neck.“What Agent A doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Besides, he’s on vacation.”

Robin scoffed, “Agent A always knows. I bet his butler senses are sending out a beacon to give you a look as we speak.”

“Well, I’m sorry if you’re a shit liar, but I think I can get away with it.”The kid gave him an ‘I'm scheming’ grin that was eerily reminiscent of Tim.

Wait. Hold up, “Tim?”

“Apapapapa,” Tim held up a finger, “Codenames and it’s Crow.”

“No it’s not. We just call him Egg. Since he’s supposed to be in the nest.”

Oh, Jason is totally calling Tim and Damian Eggs when they get back to their timeline.

Tiny Tim groaned, “You’re not the boss of me.”

“Well, I’m older. So yeah, kinda.”

“I’m taller.”

Robin crossed his arms, “I’m sorry if you missed the part where that giant is me.” He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder, “So technically, I’m taller.”

Tim frowned and then looked to Dick, “Is alternate reality me taller than Jason?”

Dick winced apologetically, “Sorry, Timmy, you only reach 5’6”.”

Tim let out a long spew of curses and something about his winning argument.

Bruce came out of the shadows he was hiding in, “Language.”

Robin raised his eyebrows, “So all Bruce’s are the same across dimensions?”

Dick made a so-so motion, “Our Bruce is older and grumpier.”

“We’ll fix that.” He grinned and gave Tim a look that could only spell out trouble. “I’m gonna call our Batman. Then you’ll probably be given some light interrogation, but then we can go to the cave and have hot chocolate together!” 

Now that the kid mentioned it, Jason was really hungry. And tired. How many hours have they been at this cosmic adventure? Four? It would be well into the morning in their Gotham. 

Robin lifted a finger to his ear, “Batman, we have an Egg out of the Nest. I repeat, we have an Egg out of the Nest. Also we have an ART situation.” a pause, “calm down, they’re nice.” Another pause, “I am not too trusting. I just have a good judge of character. It’s a different version of Me, you, and Nightwing, but older and they said they had their own Egg, so really, how bad could they be?” Robin grinned, “Also, N looks like he’s in his protective big brother mode, so we’re safe with them. We’re on top of the Wayne Enterprise building.” The grin faded into a soft smile, “Yeah, yeah, me too, Old man. Take your time. Grapple safely. Don’t hurt your back” Robin brought his finger from the com, and looked to Bruce, “You ok, B-man? You look like you’re gonna hurl.” 

Bruce shook his head, “Nothing. It’s just, you can be too trusting of people you want to believe you can trust.”

Jason groaned, “Oh my– Bruce, it was literally one singular time. I told you we would talk about it later.” Preferably, it would be never, but Bruce is going to keep pushing it in his own Bruce way.

“Hey, Skunk-Hair Jason, Are you gonna give me back my bo-staff?”

Was Tim a little shit in every universe? Jason saw something flicker across Robin’s face at the comment though. That’s fair, his Tim called him skunk-hair often, but that was probably the first time Robin heard it. It’s gonna do wonders for his self esteem.

He heard the telltale sound of a grapple hooking behind him, “I think I’ll just give it to Daddy-bats.” He pressed the button to retract the staff, and tossed it over his shoulder. 

As expected Batman caught it, “Egglett, I thought we agreed, no more sneaking out.”

“But I didn’t sneak out, I walked out of the front door. Besides, this isn’t our biggest problem right now. Dick, you said there was a pattern? I’m assuming it’s related to the realities you’re being sent to.”

Dick glanced at Robin, “Yes, but…” He looked to Bruce for help.

Batman moved so they were all standing in a relative circle. Meaning he was in between Jason and Jason, “How about you start from the beginning, Chum.” It was his Bruce voice, not his Batman voice. 

So Dick told him. How they’d gotten hit by the interdimensional ray, how they were in the warehouse, how they thought they were sent to the past, at first, how Jason had died. 

He saw the way Robin moved a step closer to Batman. He noticed how Batman shifted his weight closer to Robin.

Dick then moved on to tell them about the Alley. About the sudden confusion, because they were definitely in Gotham, just not their Gotham. He told them about the frozen kid in the corner. Jason.

At that, Robin seemed to freeze. Definitely thinking about the Man who had saved them. Weighing the pros and cons of life and innocence. Death and sins. Though, Tim seemed to pick up the pattern, and grabbed Robin’s hand.

And finally, Dick told them about them walking back from the library. And a 13 year old Jay getting hit by a car.

“So…you think I’m gonna die.” Robin didn’t look all that scared, but Jason knew himself. It was in the way he crossed his arms, and looked at Dick defiantly. It was in the way he was in fight mode. Then like an omen, the bat signal lit up. If it’s the Joker, Jason is going to scream. 

Batman placed a hand on Robin’s shoulder. The one that was farther from him, so it was more of a half-hug. “Do you think it could be anything else? Maybe a smaller detail you missed?”

They all turned to Bruce, but Bruce just shook his head. 

Batman nodded slowly, “Alright, we’re all going back to the cave. I’m assuming your suits are in the duffle, so you two,” He pointed to Dick and Bruce, “Can suit up. The kids can be on house arrest. Once we deal with that,” Batman pointed at the bat signal, “we can work a way to get you three home.” 

There were protests from Robin and Tim, but Bruce fixed them with a batglare™ which shut them up immediately. 

Jason raised his hand, “What’ll I be doing?”

Batman blinked at him, “You’ll… be at the manor.”

The kids will be on house arrest , He thinks Jason’s a kid then. “Oh. ok.” It’s ok. He’d make good use of this.

 

The drive to the cave sucked. Mainly because the Bruces got front seat privileges, and the four of them had to squish together in the back.  Jason did solve the problem by propping his knees up against the passenger seat and making sure to kick it every once in a while to annoy Bruce. Dick, who was sitting in the middle, used the newfound space to stretch out his legs, and give Robin and Tim more room. 

Robin had wrapped his cape around himself, like he was a burrito. Jason forgot he used to do that. It was mainly because the Robin suit had too much leg. Even if he was wearing tights under longer shorts. It was less revealing than Dick’s version of the suit, but still mildly uncomfortable at times.

Tim was squished in between Dick and Robin, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he shifted so that his head was resting on Robin’s shoulder. Robin froze slightly at the touch, but then lowered his cheek to rest on the top of Tim’s head.

God, is this how he and Tim would’ve been if Jason hadn’t died? The bickering on the roof, but moments where you could tell they really cared about each other. And yeah, sure, Jason and Tim definitely bickered now, but sometimes, with everyone, he felt like he was making his way through glass that had shattered on the floor.

Dick discreetly took a picture of the two, which was a bad idea, because it would just hurt more in the long run. When they had to go home and this reality would never be theirs. When Dick realized that the brother he wanted would never be Jason, because the Jason he wanted was long dead.

As soon as they got to the cave, Bruce and Dick made a beeline to the stalls to change. And all Jason could think about was how much the cave had changed since his time as Robin.

It was a lot emptier. The area for the training mats were smaller, Tim’s collection of bo-staffs was down to two, and Damian’s sword and knife collection wasn’t even there. Half of the work benches were gone, and so were half of the vehicles they now used. 

Most importantly, the two cases that held the suits of two dead Robins weren't there. It was just… an empty space. 

Batman walked up to him, and grunted, “Jay was wrong, I’m still taller than you.”

Jason blinked for a minute, because Batman? Making jokes? “Your ears don’t count.”

Batman pulled down the cowl, and did the thing where you measure with your hand. Except he went up a bit, so that his hand barely brushed his curls, “Yup, still taller.”

It hurt. It was weird looking at a Bruce who was younger. The one Jason wished to come back to since he crawled out of his grave, only to find the Bruce he was looking for had died too. Maybe that’s the reason why he and Bruce were never on the same page anymore. They were looking for someone in each other who only existed in their memories. Jason and Bruce would never be the same people they were before that day in Ethiopia. 

He glanced over to where Jay was helping Tim take off his domino without getting the glue dissolver in his eyes. “I’m not that kid, ya know.”

Bruce gave him a rueful smile, “I can tell, but you’re still my kid. Alternate reality or not.” 

It was as if he had grabbed Jason's heart with both hands and started to squeeze it until it would eventually explode. The only reason Bruce could say that was because he didn’t know half the things Jason had done. He didn’t know anything about him at all. 

Bruce looked like he was about to say something else, but the security alarms started going off, immediately displaying on the Batcomputer.

Dick and Bruce(the older one) burst out of the stalls.

There were Joker goons– why did it have to be the Joker?– flooding onto the lawn, jumping over the fence, and heading straight to the manor. So they were after Bruce Wayne, not Batman.

Except it was the Joker. And something, something Jay dying. And something, something the Joker murdered Jason. Things are not really looking good. 

Bruce(the younger one) pulled up his cowl, and looked at Jay and Tim, “Stay here.” He then made eye contact with Jason, with a look that clearly said ‘ look after them’ , then looked to Bruce(the older one), and to Dick, “Lets go.”

And the three of them glided up the stairs.

 

They watched the Batmans and Nightwing split up and make their way through the manor, on the Batcomputer. He watched as they silently took the goons out one by one. He watched as the Joker waltzed right into the manor. Damn, if Alfred was here, he would have shot that psychotic lunatic down already. 

Jason saw a little shadow dart past the Study. Except… It was too small for Bruce or Dick, but Robin was sitting right next to him, looking at the screen intently, hand hovering to warn them if needed. And the spot where Tim was standing was empty. “Tim?”

If they weren’t in the situation they were currently in, it would’ve been comical how wide Robin’s eyes got. Then his jaw clenched, “Why in the world would he sneak off now of all times?”

“Tim’s just a little shit across universes.” Jason paused, because if some rando started talking like that about Tim, he would probably give them a nice slap across the face, “He’s doing that thing where he comes up with a plan and forgets not everyone is on the same brainwave as him.”

Robin groaned, and reached over to click on something, “Tim, care to share what you’re doing with the class?”

There was a lengthy pause, but they could see Tim on the camera, crouched down behind a decorative couch in the fancy living room, “Arming the traps.”

Robin crossed his arms and started tapping his foot, “You really think that two Batmans and a Nightwing can’t take down the Joker?”

“I just want to help.”

“You can’t–”

Jason placed an arm on Robin’s shoulder, “How ‘bout this Tim, We switch places and you tell me how to arm the traps from the cave?” 

“But–”

“I’m only gonna ask once. I’m coming up there to get you either way.” Jason moved to grab his helmet from the duffle bag and a couple of shurikens from the rack.

“...fine. I– Eep!”

Jason turned his head to the screen so fast, he was sure he’d get whiplash. There on screen was the Joker holding Tim by the collar.

A laugh came through the coms, “I think it’s a bit past your bedtime. Don’t worry, Uncle J will tell you a bedtime story…”

Jason was already halfway up the stairs, “Stay here, Robin. Tell Batman.” Robin nodded, and Jason practically sprinted across the manor to get to Tim.

He could practically hear Bruce yelling at him in his brain about attacking the Joker without a plan, but here’s the thing— Jason genuinely did not care. He was going to make sure what happened to him would not happen to this baby version of his little brother. The Joker connives to get a rise out of Batman. It’s why he terrorizes the city. It’s why his exploits get worse and worse. It’s why he hurt Babs and killed Jason. And the Joker has only gotten worse as time went on.

Jason reached the living room and was about to fling a shuriken at the Joker’s arm to make him drop Tim, but he suddenly moved to put Tim in a headlock, with a gun to his head. 

It was eerily reminiscent of the way Jason had held the Joker during that confrontation. With Him, Bruce, and the Joker.

The Joker let out a laugh that grated against his ears like nails on a chalkboard, “And who might you be? For a second there I thought you were one of mine.” The Joker tilted his head, “Though, maybe you are… did you raid Daddy’s wardrobe? I do say, you look nice, but I think I wore it better.”

Jason tsked in a way that would make Damian proud, “With your pasty looking face? No chance. Let the kid go.” 

The Joker pouted, “But the show hasn’t even started! We don’t even have a full house yet. Batsy’s going to have to make a tough choice, huh?”

There was a crackle of electricity near the other entrance to the living room, “Let him go.” Dick’s voice was dangerously low.

“Well if it isn’t the first boy blunder. My, my, you’ve grown up quite a bit. And a new costume change I see? A shame, I liked the other one better. Though I do suppose this one leaves more to the imagination.”

Jason was going to strangle the clown, and then bash his face in, and then grab his gun and shoot him multiple times, and then–

The Joker brought the gun closer to Tim’s head, “Apapa, Big Red. Wouldn’t want Timmy’s big brains painting the carpet. The dry cleaning would be just terrible.” started cackling like he had just said the funniest joke ever.

He could see the panic flash on Tim’s face for a second, before he closed his eyes and took a slow breath, and painted over the fear with apathy. It was something his Tim could do much faster, but it was still… unnerving to watch a kid barely older than 10 do. Tim rolled his eyes, “You know for someone named the Joker, you’re not very funny. I’ve seen Batman laugh at Robin loads of times. He’s known you for what, fifteen years? Yet you still haven’t gotten a laugh out of him.”

The Joker hit Tim’s temple with the gun “Shut it, brat.” He turned his gaze onto Dick, “Say, Nightwing, what would ya do if I… say, killed the little b–haha! The kid. What would you do if I killed him? Would you punch me hard? Maybe if I fanned the fire, would the punches keep coming? Would they? Until I could no longer see straight? Until I could no longer breathe.” the Joker giggled “And only my Dark Knight in shining armor– a true love's kiss from Batsy could bring me back.” The Joker, since he got out all he needed to say, let out a full body laugh.

Dick’s jaw clenched so hard, Jason would’ve thought he was about to break a tooth. 

And Tim had the biggest ‘what in the ever loving fuck?’ expression on his face, “Mr. Joker sir, could you put me down? I think you’re a bit too delusional if you think you’re even close to being in Batman’s league.”

“Tim–” Dick was about to warn him to probably take the sass down three notches when the Joker started laughing again. Both Batmen stood at the same entrance as Dick, though their 

“Batsy! There’s two of you! This is wonderful!” He frowned, and looked directly at Jason, “Hm… I wonder where the little birdie is? Hehehe, Oh well, we can just start without him. Good thing too, my hands are getting sweaty. Who knows, my finger might just slip…” The Joker curled the finger that was on the trigger, but Jason knew he wasn’t going to pull it. Not yet. It wasn’t dramatic enough yet.
Batman subtly shifted closer to Jason. 

Figures. Of course he would make sure that he could get in between the Joker and Jason if need be. Though, as much as it pains him, he wasn’t going to try to kill this one. Not because the Joker deserved to be spared or because Bruce told him to stop killing. No. It was because he knew Robin was watching through the cameras, and he didn’t want that version of himself to see the person he had become.

“Such an old house. I wonder if there are any ghosts here.” The Joker looked at Jason and shivered, but it was for the bit, because he gave him a grin that made his blood run cold, “Haha! Definitely. Though… I can feel something in the air. Like it’s making room for another ghost to join.” The Joker laughed, “Now, I based this off of a dream I had once. How did it go again? Right, I didn’t have an extra gun on hand, but it’s ok! Hehe, you won’t need it anyways.” He readjusted his grip on Tim and gave Jason a wink, “ You want to stop me, you’re going to have to kill me. All you’ve got is a head-shot. I’m going to blow his addled, deranged brains out, and if you want to stop it– Hahaa! You’re going to have to shoot me, Hehehee! right in my face.” The uncontrollable laughter kept getting louder and louder– How did he know ? They were in a completely different reality , How did he know ? “Of course, you don’t have a gun, so maybe a batarang would do. Right to the neck.” The Joker looked back to Jason, his head tilting as his grin grew impossibly bigger, “This is turning out so much better than I thought. I’ll give you to the count of three. One… Two…Thr–”

“ No!” Except it didn’t come from Batman, or Batman, or Dick. It came from Jason. But It didn’t come from Jason. It came from Robin .

A batarang hit the elbow that was holding Tim, sending him to the floor just as a shot rang out. Except the bullet didn’t clatter to the floor or into the wall, there was the sound of metal piercing through skin. But it didn’t hit Tim. Because the barrel wasn’t facing where Tim had been

It was facing Jay.  

Blood was gushing from the kid’s neck as cackles rang throughout the Manor.

“You know that’s how you wanted that night to end, Red. You aren’t supposed to be here, and you know it. Not here, not anywhere! Haha, you’re supposed to be– ACK!” 

Jason couldn’t tell if there was electricity crackling, or if it was just the static in his ears. He couldn’t tell if there was the sound of skin meeting skin, or if it was just the pounding of his heart. 

All he knew was that he took off his helmet as he bent down to put pressure on the bleeding. The bullet went through the side of his neck. Almost exactly where Jason had his scar from the batarang. Except the wound was deeper and he was losing more blood. And Jay was smaller.

Tim crawled up to them, “J-Jason…?”

Even through the domino mask, Jason could feel the demanding gaze from Jay, “No. Tim. ‘s not… y’r fault.”

“But, if-if I hadn’t left, then- then the Joker, he wouldn’t’ve–”

“Not. Your. Fault.” Jay grabbed Tim’s hand, “Don’t… die. Not f’r a… long time. Live.”

“You– You’re the one who’s…You’re actively bleeding out. Right now.”

“No. Batman… d’sn’t need…  R’bin. Br’ce…Bruce needs…. Someone’a… tell ‘im he’s not… ‘n dark. Bruce. Needs. Us.” Jay brought a weak hand from his heart to Tim’s, “Hope.” Jay looked to Jason, and gave him a tired smile, “‘s the thin’... w’th… feathers.”

Jason tried his best to return the smile, “ ”Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all -” Jay gave a content breath out. He closed his eyes to just… listen. “ And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard - And sore must be the storm - That could abash the little Bird- That kept so many warm -” with each stanza, Jay’s pulse got slower and slower. “I’ve heard it in the chillest land - And on the strangest Sea - Yet - never - in Extremity, It asked a crumb - of me.”

Jay took one breath in, and he could see Tim squeeze his hand tighter. And as he let his final breath out, there was a soft, “ Te Amo.” that escaped Jay’s lips.

“Jason?” There were tears pooling in Tim’s eyes, “Jason, please . Say sike right now, this isn’t funny.” 

Jason leaned back and started to take off his bloodstained gloves, “Tim–”

“I-I promise I won’t sneak out to take pictures anymore. I promise I won’t sneak coffee, and I- I won’t lie to Alfred. I won’t make fun of your height anymore, just please – Jason , I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Come back.” 

“Tim…”

He looked up at Jason all bleary eyed, “Why won’t he say sike? He’s Robin , he- he– he can’t be gone.”

Jason spread his arms, and Tim immediately dove into his chest and started sobbing, “He- He’s never… He’s never going to be… big like you.”

Jason held onto Tim, “ Pajarito…” He rubbed small circles into Tim’s back as he sobbed harder. 

He wanted to stay. He didn’t want to leave Tim all alone just like that. He didn’t want Tim to lose one Jason just to lose another.

But the room turned white, and they were gone.

Notes:

Hehehe, I almost threw up while writing the Joker part and I cried while writing the last part.

also, the song Jason sings to Jason is 'A matter of Trust' by Billy Joel. And little baby Jay definitely wanted to add some dance moves to it, but Bruce was like "What if we're in the middle of a fight."

If you're going to tell me that Tim was a bit too reckless, I was just thinking about how he would act if he wasn't told that his predecessor died from being reckless, and rushing into things head first. Tim did have a plan though, he just didn't tell anyone the plan. He was going to home alone that shit.

I don't really know how to write the Joker, but I just know that he's an all knowing character who's aware he's a character, so I would like to tell you now that most of the Joker variants know that Jason, Dick, and Bruce are traveling the multiverse. Some of the scenes I referenced there was that one time Dick killed the Joker, and the confrontation in UTRH. It was the Joker trying to get under their skin and it worked.

Dick is currently beating up the Joker while Jason is watching himself die for the fourth time. Old man Bruce is pulling Dick back, and young happy Bruce is just watching shell shocked as his son is dying, and his other son is sobbing

anywho, I hope you have a good day! Until next time :)

Chapter 4: The Lamb

Summary:

They visit a grave, and make some animal friends.

Notes:

Hey guys! I would just like to put a little warning for this chapter. The second part is a Shifter AU and it features some (and by some I mean low key horrifying) gore. I'm not sure if it would be counted as cannibalism, but just in case I'm warning you.
If you want to skip it, just end after they leave the Diner

chapter title from "The Lamb", by William Blake

Jason found himself kneeling in grass, rain pelting down, soaking his hair, and knees. He leaded his head forwards and closed his eyes, murmuring a soft, “May holy Mary, the angels, and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life.” to the Robin that had just died. 

In the background, he could hear Dick yelling, “Let me at him! He just– let me go !”

“Dick, Chum, we’re not–we’re not in the Manor anymore.”

No. They were in a cemetery. Specifically, Jason was kneeling in front of his grave. He knew what was going to happen. He wasn’t going to try to stop this one.

Jason turned around, to sit on the slight ledge of his grave and leaned his head back, until it was touching stone.

“Why are we…?” Dick trailed off. He wasn’t exactly looking to where Jason was sitting, but he was looking at a tombstone.

Bruce was staring down Jason again, and Jason buried his face in his hands to break eye contact, “I think we need to take a break. Figure out everything we know. Maybe get some rest. I think we have about two-five hours here.” probably closer to two. He remembers panicking.

Dick turned to Jason with a question on his face, but then saw where Jason was sitting. His eyes narrowed, “You’re already dead here? So maybe the pattern was wrong. All we have to do is wait for Talia to show up, follow her, and rescue you after you’ve taken a dip in the pit.”

“Talia didn’t go grave robbing. She’s not crazy, and Bruce has sensors for that. He would’ve known.”

Dick moved closer to Jason, “Then how…?”

He stared hard at the patch of dirt. The feeling of his nails cracking and dirt in his mouth, suddenly overtaking him. Except, that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was before that. It was the true serenity, followed by the sudden hit of life. The feeling of being woken up from a good dream that you never wanted to leave. 

He was at rest. Let him stay asleep. “I woke up.”

Bruce crossed his arms, “You…woke up? As in…” He looked from the tombstone to the ground.

Jason showed him his hands in response. The jagged lines where the wood tore off his nails and skin. The crooked finger that broke while clawing through mud that never quite set properly.

All of Jason’s injuries were healed by the time he got to the pit. It was just his mind that was broken. So he was still left with all the scars from before he died, and after.

He felt the hairs on his neck stand up as the mystical forces picked up around them. He’d just woken up.

Dick looked pale, but he immediately knelt to the ground and started clawing at the mud, “We’ve gotta get you out– is the a shovel somewhere or–”

“Dick, stop.”

“Jason, This is the only you we know we can save.”

“No. We don’t . When I crawled out of my grave, I was completely catatonic. I was a husk of a human being. Blood might’ve been pumping through my veins and air might’ve been flowing through my lungs, but I was not alive .” Jason pointed to his temple, “Not in here. I aimlessly wandered the streets, and got hit by a car , Dick.”

“Then we help get him to this world’s Bruce.”

“You think Talia didn’t want to do just that ? I know you guys think she kept me from you for her own selfish reasons, but she didn’t . After she found me she wasn’t sure that I’d survive to the next day . That’s how impaired I was. She didn’t give me back to Bruce because she didn’t want him to lose me again , because she thought it would absolutely break him.” 

“We could–”

“If he lives he lives, if he dies he dies . Your grief is clouding your judgment.” 

“How could you say that? If it was a civilian who was buried alive , we would do anything in our power to get them out .”

“Because it’s different! I wasn’t buried alive , I was buried dead . I’m a cosmic mistake– higher entities have told me that. I’m supposed to be dead. He’s ,” Jason pointed to the ground, “Supposed to be dead. Bruce always says we can’t play Judge, Juror or Executioner. We can’t play God either. Let him rest . Just let him rest.” 

For a beat, they were all frozen. Until Dick moved to sit next to him. Legs pressed up against each other. Making sure Jason was really in front of him, and not some cruel hallucination.

Suddenly, the rain stopped pelting on top of them, and the night sky was a lot darker than before. 

Bruce was holding his cape up to shield them from the rain. Like he used to do when they were both much smaller. Yet, it still felt oddly the same. “Dick and I need new civilian clothes. After that, we should get food.”

 

They started towards Gotham city. There were carved pumpkins and skeletons everywhere, so it was near Halloween. The bat signal was lit, and the people of Gotham were wearing gas masks. So Scarecrow was out. It probably was Halloween. 

That’s crazy. Did Jason really crawl out of his grave on Halloween? Though, it was an alternate reality, so maybe this Jay did, for shits and giggles, but Jason might not have.

“Is… was today Tim’s first day on the job?” Dick was currently drowning his pancakes in maple syrup. They were all in civies, and sitting in a booth at a 24 hour diner. It had shut down, but had always been a quick stop for food after a rough patrol.

Jason pushed the thought of the young Tim sobbing against his chest. He’s never going to be as big as you . None of the four Jason's will.

“Yes.” Bruce forked a piece of his eggs, and caught Jason’s look. though, he probably read it wrong because, “He showed up to fight Scarecrow with a red ski mask.” Bruce raised an eyebrow, “I’m sure you came back out of pure spite.”

Jason blinked. That was a joke… from Bruce. Did he get a concussion? Was he in shock? 

He looked to Dick who seemed more exasperated than phased. 

Bruce cleared his throat when he realized the joke didn’t seem to land, “We need to figure out if there’s more to this than just Jay dying. We have two caused by the Joker, one that was an accident, and the other was natural causes. I don’t think the cause of death will be the same.”

Jason pushed around some berries on his plate, “Bruce, do you think that the Joker's confrontation was… a bit too intimate for a Joker that wasn’t ours?” It was his confrontation with Bruce pretty much word for word. It made him want to throw up.

Dick gripped his fork harder as both him and Bruce said, “Yes.”

Jason looked at Dick in confusion. As far as he knew, Bruce did not talk about that night with anyone. Except Dick didn’t feel the need to explain. Which is fine, he’s allowed to have his secrets, but now he’s wondering what part of that confrontation was directed to get under Dick’s skin. “But we’re not in that reality anymore. Our priority should be making sure each Jason we come across is safe.”

“Though I don’t disagree, our priority should be finding a way home.” Bruce countered, and looked to Jason pointedly, “We can’t play God. We’re being sent to universes where Jason is fated to…die. There might not be much we can do.”

“The Tragedy of Jason Todd: The Boy Fated to Die.” Jason paused, “Hm, that’d be a great title for my autobiography.”

Dick sighed defeatedly, “Hush, Jason, the adults are speaking.”

(Hi! Author here! I wanna have Jason go, “Well I’m taller,” in Tiny Tim fashion and Dick go, “Well, currently, you’re six feet under. So shut the fuck up.” But it’s terribly ooc, so I’m not. Just know that I really wanted to write it though)

“Dick, I’m 23.”

Dick, like the dick he was, ignored that, “What if we talked to Wally.”

Bruce made his, I don’t need help, I’m Batman face.
Dick rolled his eyes, “He might not be able to bring us back home, but maybe he can get a message to the family or something. They can work on a device from home. It’s the same plan from before, just… more communication.”

Jason nodded, “I mean… It was both of your lack of communication that got us into this mess. Maybe that’s the lesson you need to learn. To talk and share.”

“Says Mr. I’ve been alive for seven years and I’m only just now telling my family my mother betrayed me and I crawled out of my own grave. ” 

“That’s different. That’s trauma. I should be allowed the grace to tell you guys when I’m comfortable with telling you guys.” Though, maybe he should tell them about the magic swords he has. 

Nah, it’s not that important.

“Well, you didn’t  tell us about your previous cosmic adventure.”

“That’s honestly because Bruce is a super stalker and I thought he already knew.”

To that, Dick had nothing to say.

“I want a mission report on this.”

“Bruce, it was literally five years ago. The only thing I remember is Rayner and I fighting every five minutes. God that guy was… embittered. He thought I was trying to get with Donna.” Like ew, no, that was Jason’s big sister… Even though he shot her. But it worked out in the long run. And what’s a little bloodshed between siblings. He, Damian, and Tim were relatively ok. 

Dick frowned, “Huh, usually Kyle’s really nice to everyone.”

“Well, apparently he has a thing against ‘Angst Ridden Bad Boys’, his words, not mine.”

Dick raised his eyebrows, “Oh that totally sums you up. Did he also have a thing against you quoting Hamlet? Did he absolutely loathe you geeking out over 19th century fashion.” 

“Oh! We actually did go to a Victorian Era Gotham. That was honestly probably the best part of our multiversal adventure. Wait. We’re getting off track. I think we should vote. All in favor of talking to Wally…” He and Dick both raised their hands. “Two against one. Sorry Bruce.”

Bruce stabbed his eggs, “We’re not calling Wally, because we’re currently in Gotham and my no-metas allowed rule was like an iron fist during this time period. Maybe if we go to a universe where we can actually talk to our counterparts, then we can call whatever runner is available. For now, we’re getting our bearings. Anything other commonality we might’ve missed”

Dick mashed a banana that was on his plate, “I would say they were all… birds. Except the second one.”

Jason pushed his plate towards the center, and unfolded a napkin, “Bruce, can I have a pen– or a marker would be better so I don’t rip the page, but anything.” 

Bruce handed him a copic red marker, that was probably Damian’s. During stakeouts he usually starts sketching. 

Jason made a T-chart, going down were traits, and across was each Jason. Mama’s boy Jay, Jay #2, Regina George Jay, Jay+Egg, and Zombie.

“Those are horrible headings.”

“Should I have done Jay 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5?”

“Yes.”

Jason shrugged, “Oh well, too late now.”

The first trait was Robin? “What are we qualifying for… the mantle? Cus, technically, Mama’s Boy was supposed to be taking a break from it, Regina George wasn’t in the suit, and Zombie… hasn’t been to work in a while.”

Bruce grunted, “Yes, no, yes, yes, no.”

“I know there isn’t any correlation between them, but the places.”

Jason jotted that down– Ethiopia :(, Crime Alley, Corner of Diamond and Old, Wayne Manor, Six Feet Under Gotham Cemetery.

“Cause of…ya know.”

Smoke Inhalation, Hypothermia, probable collapsed lung/concussion, Gunshot wound– Carotid Artery, Co2 poisoning Suffocation, Just in case it’s the dirt, not the air. They’ll know if they disappear before the five hour mark. Jason furrowed his eyebrows, and jotted down the ages, 15, 10, 13, 14, 16? 15,

Dick glanced at the page, “Hopefully, that changes. Maybe we’ll get an age range of Jays. And hopefully 10 year old Jay was an outlier.” 

The chances of that were low, but Jason wasn’t going to tell Dick that. There were hundreds of opportunities for him to die on the streets. 10 was probably the lowest value, but the mode was probably… 11. He was fighting for his life on the streets trying not to get pimped again by the time the next winter came around. Making a plot chart might not be a bad idea. Though that would have to be later. With real paper.

 He folded up the napkin, handed both the marker and their info sheet to Bruce, and brought back his plate of strawberry french toast. He wanted to say, “You’re optimistic if you really think I had a higher chance at life while I was living on the streets.” but he didn’t. Because his mouth was full, and Alfred had taught him manners. 

 They continued to eat in silence, until a chill ran down Jason’s spine. “I think we’re gonna leave soon.” When both Bruce and Dick gave him a confused look, he groaned, “if we were in a universe where your counterpart was dying, you would know too.”

Bruce got out his wallet and placed a 100 dollar bill on the table, as Dick grabbed The T duffle bag with their stuff, and the room turned white.

 

(The Lamb, By William Blake)

As soon as they landed in this new universe, Jason could immediately tell the magic was much stronger in this universe.

The next thing he could immediately tell was that he was in a warehouse. Again. Yey.

“Mea!” Was that… a lamb? Jason peaked over the crate they were hiding behind, and yup, that was a Lamb. A really really bloody Lamb. It was a surprise it was still alive. And a scraggly looking dog was eating– 

No. Not a dog.

He slowly squatted back down, “There's a Hyena…”

Dicks eyes grew comically wide, as a giggle pierced through the warehouse. The giggle evolved into a laugh and abruptly cut off as the Lamb cried out. 

Then the laughter started up again. Somehow, it was worse than– The Hyena was– the Joker was– the Hyena was laughing.

Jason gripped his kris, “Let me kill it.”

“Jason you need to brea–”

“It’s just a stupid dog. It’s just a stupid dog. Let me kill it!”
The Joker – The Hyena– was laughing, and laughing, and laughing . The Joker’s – The Hyena’s – Lips were stained red, red, red . Jason– The Lamb – was crying. Jason was crying, the Lamb was crying . The laughter got louder, and louder and louder , and– 

No.

This wasn’t worth Jason’s time and nervous system. 

He sat up and threw his kris right in between the Hyena’s eyes, and it stopped laughing. The Joker– no, the Hyena stopped Laughing. 

Except the Hyena was slowly turning more humanoid. Its deep brown coat was being leeched of its color. It’s paws turning into hands that were white. Feet that were white. It’s snout staying stained red while it morphed into a crimson red smile that always seemed to haunt Jason.

Jason looked away from the body. He’s killed plenty of people before, he doesn’t mind killing the people who deserve it. Except that laugh. That fucking laugh. It never annoyed him before, but… it sounded so… uncanny . 

The Lamb… wasn’t looking good at all. Its wool was stained red, chunks of its flesh were missing from where the Joker had eaten it alive. Its intestines were spilling out of its stomach. Lining the floor with half mangled internal organs–

The Lambs' features began to change. 

Into–

Into a young Jason.

Who- who couldn’t have been older than 12. Who was curled up on himself trying to keep his insides that were already out, in, even though it was a losing battle

Jason squatted down to brush Jay’s hair back, “Little Lamb who made thee; Dost thou know who made thee; Gave thee life & bid thee feed; By the stream & o'er the mead; Gave thee clothing of delight; Softest clothing wooly bright; Gave thee such a tender voice; Making all the vales rejoice! Little Lamb who made thee; Dost thou know who made thee; 

“Little Lamb I'll tell thee, Little Lamb I'll tell thee! He is called by thy name; For he calls himself a Lamb: He is meek & he is mild; He became a little child: thou a child & I a lamb; We are called by his name. Little Lamb God bless thee. Little Lamb God bless thee.” Jason closed his eyes, “ May holy Mary, the angels, and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life. And please , just let him rest.”

Notes:

Yeah so basically, Jason was a lamb to the slaughter.
ever since beast-worlds came out, the only thing I could think of was how it would make a lot more sense if Jason was a sheep in wolf's clothing, which I personally feel like it fits his character better.
He's someone who's kind, but is forced to act tough because if he isn't, he's not going to last very long, and he's had to learn that the hard way.
anywho, I low-key hated writing that chapter. it made me want to throw up. and I am never writing cannibalism again.

Chapter 5: Only the Good Die Young

Summary:

It's kinda a short one, but it features Baby Jay!
Trigger Warning, Sheila Haywood
and Drug Overdose

Notes:

Chapter Title from "Only the Good Die Young" by Billy Joel

Bruce seemed to have that look on his face. The one where he was about to tell Jason something he didn’t want to hear in that tone that made him feel like he was 12 again.

12, like the little lamb who the Joker had Gutted alive, eaten alive.

Jason had to swallow the bile that was rising up in his throat, and turned to Bruce, “I’m sorry I killed the Joker, but not really. You can yell at me later for it. Ok?” Jason wasn’t taking any of Bruce’s ‘Holier than thou’ attitude. He know. He knows he’ll never be good enough for Bruce. He’s known since the moment his brain was sewn back together by the Lazarus waters. Jason knew he could never be good enough for Bruce. If Jason knows that, Bruce has to know that.

Dick was leaning against a wall head clutched in his hands and with his eyes squeezed shut shut. Then he took a deep breath, and it was almost instantaneous the way Dick collected himself.

Just another way Jason wasn’t Dick and would never be him. 

Though, Jason felt like he was missing something when he realized both Bruce and Dick were plastering on their gala smiles.

Though Dick’s voice was tight, barely masking the venom when he spoke, “Ms. Haywood.”

Jason doesn’t think he’s ever turned around so fast, “ Mom?”

Sheila’s eyes lit up in a way Jason couldn’t explain, “Willis,” She swatted Jason’s chest, but let her hand linger, “I thought you were the one who told me to stop calling you papi. ”

Oh. oh. Ew. Ew. Ew. This was some “Back to the Future” type buffoonery. He took a step back, but then noticed how eyes were red and pupils were dialated, “Sheila, are you high?”

She giggled, “It’s just a little coke.” she moved closer and ran a hand up and down Jason’s chest, “You look nice. Almost like the day we met.”

Dick swatted Sheila’s hand away and slightly stepped inbetween the two.

Jason could feel his shoulders creep down a little, now that Dick was acting as a wall “Where’s Jason?”

Sheila pouted, “but Willy, it’s my weekend with him.”

“You’re as high as Icarus right now, and outside, without him. I think I have every right to see my son. Can I borrow your keys?” He held a hand out.

She hummed, “Alright, butcha gotta gimmie something first.”

“Ok…”

She put a finger to her chin and looked up, “A romantic old kiss.”

Jason was about to die from discomfort and cringe into hell, “How about… I promise you one for later.”

She sidestepped Dick and gripped Jason’s collar, “nuh, uh uh,”

Jason was dead. He was dead, and this was hell, “Sheila, please, not–not in front of my Dad.” Jason glanced at Bruce who seemed to be rebooting. The words kinda slipped out, but they seemed to make her falter, “And you’re making a really bad first impression.” Hopefully this wouldn’t be much of an issue. He was pretty sure Papi’s parents died years before he was born, because this was Gotham. No one lived long.

“Oh.” Sheila immediately let go, and smoothed her hair, “It’s nice to meet you sir. I- uh, Willis didn’t tell me he was bringing you. I’m Dr. Sheila Haywood.” She held out a hand

Bruce raised an eyebrow, but didn’t shake it back. It was a power play that Bruce uses with superheroes he didn’t trust. 

“Sheila, why don’t you go on a little walk. Sober up. Then we can all talk together.”

“Yeah. Ok.” She dug her keys out of her pocket, handed them to Jason, and headed down the block.

He ignored Bruce and Dick’s looks as he headed towards the apartment listed on the keychain. It wasn’t too far, a couple buildings down, but something about this Gotham made him feel… off kilter. He didn’t really recognize it as well as the other ones. It seemed… better somehow. Not that there wasn’t crime happening around them, it’s just, compared to their Gotham, the crime seemed juvinile.

The opened the door to the building and went to the third story. Only to realize the door to the apartment wasn’t even locked.

It’s because she was high.

But then why didn’t Jason lock the door? By the time he was five he knew locking the doors were important.

“Mama?”

That was a baby.

He heard scrambling, and the sound of small footsteps making their way to see who had just come in. Baby Jay laid eyes on Jason and his face lit up, “Papi!” and the toddler was barrelling towards him. 

Jason squatted down to embrace the Baby Jay, and stood up while bringing the kid with him. Jason was very skilled at the art of picking up kids. The Alley Kids don’t call him Tio Rojo for no reason. 

He planted a kiss in Baby Jay’s curls, “What have you been up to, Mi alma.”

Baby Jay leaned into Jason’s shoulder an shook his head. Though, it was a bit aggressive, so Jason was 90% certain he was wiping his face on Jason’s shirt, “Nothin’...” Jay looked up and held Jason’s face with both hands, “Papi, your eyes hold the whole earth.”

Jason gave Jay a little laugh, “Is that so?” Though he held Jay’s eye contact. Something… something was off.

“They’re brown like the dirt, green like the trees, and blue like the oceans.”

There was a soft chuckle, that definitely did not come from Dick. Except, Bruce doesn’t chuckle. At least not anymore.

Jason turned around to look at Bruce, who was looking reverently fondly longingly warmly at the two of them, “It’s nice to know you’ve always had a way with words.”

Honestly, Jason might’ve stool there gaping like a fish for years if Baby Jay didn’t start making grabby hands towards Bruce. 

Bruce’s eyes narrowed and reached a hand out to wipe Jason’s face. Baby Jay began to flop towards Bruce, and Bruce immediately caught him, “Hey there, Jay. What’s on your hands?”

“Nothin’!” Jay stuffed his hands in his tiny pockets, “I don’t even have hands.”

If Bruce didn’t look so worried serious, Jason would’ve laughed. Except he didn’t, because now that he thought about it, it did feel like something was on his face. 

Dick made his way deeper into the apartment, very obviously looking for something.

He wiped it with his sleeve, and when he looked at it, there was a white chalky substance clinging to the brown leather. 

“Shit!” Dick swore from the kitchen, “There’s cocaine spilled on the dining table. And a spoon.”

“Call 911.” Jason immediately bent down to grab the Narcan from the pocket by his ankle. Except the packet he had was empty. He used it to help a man who was overdosing during patrol, before their stakeout with Black Mask.

And Bruce keeps Narcan in the vehicles he drives, not his utility belt. Because the parts of Gotham Batman patrols ‘doesn’t have much of a drug problem.’ “Dick, do you carry Narcan with you?”

“I ran out a couple days ago, and only had time to restock for my uniform.” Meaning Officer Grayson would have Narcan, not Nightwing.

Jason looked back to Bruce and Baby Jay. Bruce who’s eyebrows were furrowing more and more, and Baby Jay who was looking at Bruce like he was an angel.

Jason stood up, “Sheila’s a doctor. Maybe… Maybe there’s some in the bathroom? Or the kitchen. Or somewhere.”

He made his way to the bathroom. It was where Mami kept the Narcan when her opiates had been messed around with. There was a first aid kit, but only the with the basic bandaids, antibiotics and painkillers.

“There…There isn’t a home phone.” 

What?

Jason remembers using the homephone to call 911 when– right. Sheila’s his mom, not Catherine.

Still, why, why in the world would she leave a four year old at home alone ? Why in tarnation would she leave her cocaine in reach for a toddler ? She was a doctor , she should know better.

Even when Mami had doctors appointments and Papi was busy working, because chemotherapy is expensive, she would leave him with their neighbor, not all alone. And when the neighbors were too busy she would take Jason with her. Even when Mami had switched to opiates after they couldn’t pay for chemo, even when she was so tired she could barely walk, she made sure to keep the meds sealed and out of reach from Jason. And now, because Sheila was too careless, because Sheila didn’t care, because she didn’t want–

There was crying like the lamb like Tiny Tim. Right, Bruce was alone with a baby. He probably barely knew what to do.

He went into the living room and sat down next to Bruce, who was holding a wriggling Jay. Jason took Jay from Bruce and started rubbing his back. He was warmer than before, “What’s wrong?”

Jay grabbed at his chest, and pulled his shirt, “ Hurts .” Jason rested his hand on Jay’s chest. His heart was beating rapidly. 

Jason– Jason didn’t want to tell Baby Jay a poem to distract him. Because a poem would mean the end and– It can’t be the end. Not when, not when Baby Jay had never lived. Not when he had a whole lifetime ahead of him.

Bruce stood up, and went over to where the CD player was sitting on the windowsill.

“Bruce, what are you doing?”

Jason could tell what Bruce was doing. He was searching through the CD basket. He really meant why he was doing it.

“You, um, you said you used to listen to Billy Joel with your… Dad.” Bruce found the CD he was looking for, “This doesn’t say what song it is.”

“Billy never disappoints for any occasion.”

Bruce put the CD into the player, and the quick stacattos of the piano chords began to play. Maybe ‘Only the Good Die Young’ was a bad song to play when a toddler what fighting for his life.

Though Jay’s crying pettered out when he heard the music.

“ Come out, Virginia, don't let me wait; You Catholic girls start much too late; Aw, but sooner or later it comes down to fate; I might as well will be the one,” Jason stood up, and started swaying to the beat with Jay in his arms, as they listened to the song, “Well, they showed you a statue, told you to pray; They built you a temple and locked you away; Aw, but they never told you the price that you pay; For things that you might have done. Well, only the good die young; That's what I said; Only the good die young; Only the good die young.”

Jason started singing, because he didn’t want Jay wondering why they were just swaying in silence, “ You mighta heard I run with a dangerous crowd; We ain't too pretty, we ain't too proud; We might be laughing a bit too loud; Aw, but that never hurt no one; So come on, Virginia, show me a sign; Send up a signal, I'll throw you the line;” Jason covered Jay’s eyes, and earned a giggle, “ The stained-glass curtain you're hiding behind; Never let's in the sun,” Jason felt his heart swell as Jay softly sang along. 

He was aware that Bruce and Dick were just watching. He was aware that Jay’s heartbeat was still getting faster and faster. He was aware when Jay stopped singing along. He was aware when Jay went into cardiac arrest. He was aware when Dick started doing chest compressions on the doll on the couch. He just couldn’t seem to move his arms, or legs. He couldn’t seem to blink and he couldn’t hear anything. Weren’t they just listening to Billy Joel? What were they listening to again? Vienna? My Life?

There would soon be a child buried in the ground. In a coffin that was too small. There were now seven coffins in the ground that were too small. There was going to be more. With each universe the went to, they brought the death of a Jason like an inescapable prophacy.

Everything lurched around him. The sun engulfed the earth, though it goosebumps dotted his skiin like there was six feet of snow on the ground and he was buried in it. He was buried in white.

A child was gone.

Notes:

So basically, Jason has been compartmentalizing this entire time when a different version of him dies, like "That's me, I died. Makes sense. Been there done that. but it does suck." but like, Baby Jay was a Baby. He can't exactly ignore that. He was watching a little baby who only knew joy and innocence die. He's trying to keep the little baby happy in his last moments. And Holy shit, all those kids he just watched die were JUST KIDS.
anywho. I hope you have a nice day :)

Chapter 6: Landscape with the Fall of Icarus

Summary:

Do I have a chapter summary? It's just angst. that's all this fic is. Angst

Notes:

Chapter title from 'Landscape with the Fall of Icarus' by William Carlos. The poem isn't actually in the chapter, but it's referenced.

A child was gone. A child was gone. A child was gone. A child was gone. A child was gone. A child was gone. A child was gone.

Seven children were gone. And another one was about to die. And another one and another one, with every new reality they went to, because that was the pattern. 

It wasn’t just Jason dying. It was Jason dying as a kid, unable to grow old. None of his counterparts would grow old.

None of them spoke. It was like they were frozen in time. Except he knew they weren’t frozen because his knees were trembling and he had to clench his fists to keep them steady. Before he could tell what he was doing, Jason was moving. 

He could tell who was comforting who. If he was clinging to Dick to keep himself from floating away or if Dick’s vice-like hug was to make sure he wouldn’t turn into smoke right in his arms.

Finally, it was Bruce who broke the silence, “We should find somewhere to rest. Maybe sit this universe out.”

And honestly, Dick and Jason were too worn out to realize it wasn’t a very Batman thing to say. In fact, it felt a lot like the Bruce they both knew in their childhood. The man that didn’t have Batman bleeding into the person he truly was– Bruce.

Though now that they were relatively back to their senses, he took his time to look around. The magic was strong in this universe. Specifically soul magic.

The sould didn’t feel like they were on a separate plane, like how he learned with Ducra. It felt like each and every soul had the ability to pass through the veil and take on a form in the physical world. Like if everyone had the ability to summon their own version of the All Blades.

They were in some sort of museum. Except, It didn’t feature dinosaurs or WWII artifacts. No. It seemed to feature winged skeletons, but attached to humans. Except they weren’t really attached. As far as Jason could tell, the anatomy didn’t really line up for the back of the ribs to connect with the wings. Though Jason could feel the connection between the wings and the skeleton that ran soul deep.

Bruce smoothed out Jason’s hair,  “Come on, lets go.”

As soon as they got outside, they realized what was different about this universe. There were people with wings. From the shape of a falcon to a songbird, from the wing of a dove to a vulture. He could tell that each and every set of wings was a reflection of that person’s soul. It was their soul.

He thought about Bruce. Maybe his wings would be some sort of Eagle. Strong, sharp, intelligent. Though, those are more qualities of a person, not a soul. And an Eagle didn’t really seem to fit Bruce. You can’t really describe a soul with words. It’s just an energy, a vibe. 

What would Dick’s look like? Dick, a man who was born to fly. Him having Robin wings felt a little too on the nose. He had to have giant wings that drew eyes and signaled comfort. Jason couldn’t really think of a specific wing that would portray that. Unless his wings were unique, and unlike anything anyone has seen.

He wondered what his wings would look like. Would his soul, a soul strong enough to wield the All-Blades, have giant wings that were majestic? Or was he too broken? Would his wings only manifest as a few measly feathers. 

They got to a motel, and the receptionist noticed them immediately, “Oh! Mr. Wayne! I didn’t expect anyone of your status to ever stay somewhere here.”

Bruce gave her one of his signature Brucie Wayne smiles, “It was the closest place.”

She looked from Dick to Jason and gave him a soft smile back, “Rough night out?”

“You could say that.”

She handed them a key, “The room’s on the house. After all you and your sons do for the city, it’s the least we could do.”

Bruce looked a little confused, “Are you sure? I have enough money–”

“Yes, yes, please. I insist. You and your family are the Guardian Angels of Gotham. My boss would throw a fit if he realized I made you pay. Now go! Rest! It’s the least you could do.”

“Oh.” Bruce took the key, “Thank you.”

As soon as they got to the room, Dick face planted onto the colossal bed (For the wings? But sleeping with those seemed like work). Then he rolled over and started pushing all the sheets to the middle. Like he used to do when Jason was visiting the Titans. 

Dick was the type of person who didn’t sleep with any blankets, whereas Jason bundled himself like a burrito. Jason could sleep without them– his time on the streets and in the league made that a necessity– but when given the choice, he’d take the protection and safety blankets provided. 

Of course he knew he could trust Dick to catch him when he fell, or to protect his back, but it took a while for Jason to trust Dick like that . He remembers, way back in the beginning, he used to sleep on the giant couch in Titan’s tower, which slowly turned into sleeping on the ground in Dick’s room. Then to the opposite end of the bed with a pillow wall separating them. 

There was that time, it was a couple nights before Dick left for space. Jason had went to Titan’s Tower after Gloria Stanson died and the whole situation with Fellipe Garzonas. And Dick, he just held him in his arms. Leaning his cheek on top of Jason’s curls. Not saying anything, and just holding him. He didn’t ask any questions. He just gave him comfort.

It was hard for Jason to trust people like that. Trust people enough to be vulnerable around them. Though once Jason trusted someone, nothing they did could break that trust. Sure, they could disappoint him, like Bruce and Sheila, or even in some ways Talia, but he still trusted them with his whole being. Even if he knew Dick didn’t trust him. He probably didn’t see Jason as anything more than a… coworker, or a person who took the face of a kid he maybe used to care about, Jason trusted Dick more than anyone else in the world. He was his big brother. 

Jason rolled himself up in the blankets and scooted until his forehead was slightly touching Dick’s shoulder. Dick immediately melted relaxed That couldn’t be right. Maybe he was just really tired.

Soon he could hear Dick’s breathing even out and knew he was asleep.

He thought about how Jay from the Alley, and Baby Jay would never get that big brother. How the Robin Jays barely got close enough to really know Dick as a brother before they died. Even he didn’t really have the rights to call Dick his brother. Not as much as Tim or Damian, or even Duke. Quality over quantity, and by the time Jason truly opened up he died. They all died.

Jason knew there were infinite realities. He knew there were many realities where he lived, but there had to be equally as many where he died. Maybe even more.

Maybe by coming back to life, he caused one of these many Jasons to die. Maybe that’s why they were on this multiversal adventure. The transporter device is trying to find a reality where his soul fits. Maybe it doesn’t fit anywhere anymore.  

“Can’t sleep?”

He shrugged. Jason knew Bruce would notice he wasn’t really asleep. He was Bruce, he couldn’t not notice. He was somehow simultaneously the most observant and the most obtuse person he knew. 

They sat in the silence that always felt so loud between the two of them. Sometimes, Jason felt like they were the tides and the moon. He knew Bruce was always trying to reach out to him, but in the end, the gravity of Gotham will always be greater than Jason’s. 

He heard Bruce shift in his seat, “Do you… do you remember those nights we’d stayed up all night in the library reading poems?” 

Jason nodded. Of course he remembers. Most of the poems he’d been telling all the versions of himself had been from those nights. 

He also remembered the reason they were up all night. Most of the time it was because they had run into someone he used to work for. He could never sleep after being so starkly reminded of his past. And it was near impossible to build up the guts to get in a bed those nights. 

He remembers sitting in the papasan chair in the library feeling like a bird. He remembers Bruce sitting on the far end of the couch, because even then, he knew. Of course he knew. 

He remembers them going back and forth reading poems they thought the other would like. He remembers watching Bruce’s eyelid get heavier and heavier with each blink, but he still stayed up with him. He doesn’t remember falling asleep, but when he woke up, the poetry books they’d been skimming through were left on the coffee table with green flags marking the poems Jason had liked and orange ones marking the ones Bruce did. Though the only ones Jason ended up memorizing were the pink ones, which both of them enjoyed.

“I never told you, but I used to do that with my mother. Not staying up late, but we used to sit in the Library after I had come home from school, and we’d– we did that too.” 

Jason didn’t really know what to say to that. ‘ Was anything we did original to us?’ or ‘ I special enough to you to the point where you let me share what you once had with your mother?’.

In the end Jason didn’t say anything, because Bruce continued, “Remember the poem ‘Still I Rise’ , by Maya Angelou?”

He nodded. It used to be his favorite. He remembered finding it the first poetry night he and Bruce spent together. Jason had read it first. And almost every poetry night they had they would come back to that one. They both had it memorized.

“It used to be my mother’s favorite too.” 

Jason could never forget the way Bruce read the poem to him. The way he seemed to not just read the poem, but express it. 

He always found it interesting that Bruce, a white man, could resonate with that poem. Though now that he thought of it, Bruce always read it like he was recalling a memory. So maybe Martha Wayne, a Jewish woman, helped him understand.

“Though, after the first time you read it out loud to me, I could only think of that poem being yours.” Bruce paused like he was debating saying something, and seemed to ultimately decide against it.

Jason didn’t know what to say. He had too much to say. Too many thoughts and feelings and actions that float around in his mind but never make it past the layers upon layers of thorns he uses to hurt people. The thornes he uses to protect himself. 

He wanted to tell Bruce to stop playing with his feelings, but he also wanted Bruce to hold him like he held the boy who was long dead. He wanted Bruce to stop using old memories like a carrot on a string just out of reach. He wanted to tell him of the nights he yearned for Bruce’s voice to lull him to sleep through the pattern of the stanzas. He wants to smack Bruce upside the head and tell him that he’s no longer the boy who died and that he’s still the same person. He wanted to scream that he was here and that he hates the person he’s become. Except he wasn’t sure if he hates Bruce or himself.

He couldn’t stand being in the same room as him. He missed him even though he was two feet away. He hated him because he loved him and that love would never be enough. He just wanted to call him Dad, and not worry about Batman taking that away.

In the end all Jason could say was, “‘s our poem.”

He heard Bruce shift, “Is…is it still our poem?”

Jason nodded, Now more than ever. There were nights, he remembered, during the league, during his early Red Hood days, even now, when the only way he can fall asleep is by reciting poems. Bruce’s voice almost lucid in his head. So when Bruce started speaking he had to remind himself that Bruce was really there. Reciting the poem for him.

“You may write me down in history; With your bitter, twisted lies; You may trod me in the very dirt; But still, like dust, I'll rise; Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? ’Cause I walk like I've got oil wells; Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns; With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise.

“Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops, Weakened by my soulful cries?Does my haughtiness offend you? Don't you take it awful hard; ’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines; Diggin’ in my own backyard. You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise.

“Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise; That I dance like I've got diamonds; At the meeting of my thighs? Out of the huts of history’s shame; I rise; Up from a past that’s rooted in pain; I rise; I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear; I rise; Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear; I rise; Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave; I am the dream and the hope of the slave. 

“I rise. I rise. I rise.”

Jason didn’t remember falling asleep, but he certainly remembers waking up. Because it felt like his soul was being– he couldn’t even describe it. It just felt like his soul was in trouble, but not his soul. It was like it was being ripped out of Jason’s body–

The Jason of this Universe.

He sat up, and realized he was seeing double. Nope not double, there were two Bruces and two Dicks. And an ten/eleven year old Tim, and Stephanie. 

So the stalker probably stumbled across them, and their Jay must’ve gone missing, so they came to them for help. Except their Jay couldn’t be dead because Bruce Dick and Jason were still in this universe. 

Tim, tilted his head like a bird, “Is your arm glowing a normal thing for you?”

Jason looked down. His soul marks. Except Jason didn’t feel any evil entity near him . Was… was Jay being hunted by an Untitled?

Dick, the older one, replied “No.” At the same time Bruce replied with, “Yes.” 

Jason closed his eyes. He’s never been the best at astral projecting, but hopefully trying to track his own soul would make it easier.

The museum.

He made eye contact with Steph who looked bewildered, and spooked all at the same time. So she was probably their witness, 

He stood and headed towards the door, making a motion for everyone to follow, “What’s happenin’, Blonde?” 

“They- They took Jason and it’s all my fault.”

Jason snapped his head back because usually Steph was not one to be so open while being self loathing, “Oi, cut the guilt. Knowing myself, Jay probably chose to get taken rather than you. So tell me what’s goin’ on. And I want a story, no self loathing.”

Steph stepped into pace with Jason, and took a deep breath, “I was helping this kid, she needed help, but she wasn’t trusting me enough to help her. So…so I showed her my wings.” She said it like it was a bad thing. 

He guessed it could be, showing your soul to a stranger, but people flew around with their wings on full display, as far as Jason could tell, it was fine.

“Hm, I dunno if my Bruce has told you this yet, but we’re from a different Universe. One where only birds and bats have wings. I don’t really know the Socio-political climate here. What’s… why was it wrong to show this kid your wings?”

Tim ran up to Jason’s other side, “Wings are a physical manifestation of your soul. There are certain wing types that are super rare. And because they’re so rare,  they’re made to be… a spectacle. People who have mythical creature wings, like, Dick, are you ok with me using your parents as an example?”

Dick, the younger one, gave a wistful smile.

“Mr. Grayson had these huge dragon wings, and- and Mrs. Grayson’s wings were absolutely beautiful! They were Psyche’s wings. Do you guys have the myths of Dragons and Psyche in your world– Nope, I’m getting off topic. The more… I wouldn’t say pure or good, because you can’t really describe a soul with words, but usually your wings mirror your soul, and if you have more mythological wings, the more… magic your soul has. Though, if you’re not careful about who you show your wings to, you’ll probably get trafficked if you have pretty ones. That’s what Jason told me.”

Jason nodded. Then stopped in his tracks as the realization hit like a bus, and spun around, “The receptionist called you,” he pointed at Bruce, “And you,” he pointed to Dick, “the ‘ Guardian Angels of Gotham’ . Does that mean you’re really… ”

They nodded. “I have Powers Wings and Dick has Virtues.”

They were angels . He was literally standing in front of angels . 

Jason turned around and continued walking while whispering  “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. ” under his breath. He touched his forehead, his chest,  his left and right shoulders and then brought his hands together, “Amen.”

That also meant they didn’t have secret identities, but he was in the presence of angels.

Dick– not the angel one– cleared his throat. “So, you… also have angel wings, Steph?”

She nodded, lip wobbling, “But I didn’t notice there were other people in the alley, and like Tim said Jason said, when you have special wings you get taken and– and before I knew it, Jason was jumping down into the Alley, spreading his wings and telling me to run, and- and he got taken.”

Bruce, the literal angel, face looked conflicted between proud and worried, “He spread his wings? He doesn’t show them to anyone .”

Angel Dick made a pinched face, which meant Dick The Angel knew what wings Jay had. God, he was probably– he probably had songbird wings or something. If he had any other wings, he probably would have a mental breakdown.

They walked through the doors of the museum, as Tim tugged at Jason’s sleeve, “Why are your hands glowing?” 

The feeling of his soul being chiseled out chip by chip became almost overbearing. “Kinda… kinda like your wings, but I got swords instead.” He placed his hand to his heart, to keep it from bursting out of his chest, but it wasn’t working. “Timbo… do you also have Angel wings?”

He nodded, “I have Dominion wings. They’re not as cool as Jason’s though.”

Tim was a literal angel too. And… if these traffickers targeted people with special wings, he couldn’t let Tim and Steph wherever those traffickers were. He couldn’t let another Tim watch his brother die “Alright, I have a really important task for you and Steph.” Jason crouched down so he could be face to face with them. “Whenever I use my soul sword, it takes a lot of energy out of me, cus it’s ya know, a sword that comes from my soul. Do you guys have gatorade here? Specifically lime green.” they both nodded, “Do you also have Arizona Iced Tea, Space Rocks– not pop rocks, there’s a difference– Sour gummy worms, but they have to be the Candy Works Brand, and those strawberry hard candies that grandmas always have–”

“The ones with the gooey center?”

“Yes! Those! Along with the butterscotches they usually have on them too. I need you two to find all of those things. Then I need you to mix the drinks and the gummy worms together, but not the Space Rocks or the old lady candy. Then, I need you to put an old lady candy in your mouth and chant  ‘Acres of All, give All strength.’ Keep chanting until you’ve dissolved three candies each , ok? It has to be three strawberries, three butterscotches.” They nodded again, “And then, once you’re done with the old lady candies, you have to throw the pop rocks into the gummy worm drink, and say, ‘ soul replenisher’ until all the bubbles from the Space Rocks fizzle out. Make sure to take your time. If you rush it, my soul will become very weak.”

Steph and Tim nodded solemnly, “We won’t let you down, Giant Jason.” and they ran off to go find the ingredients.

Jason stood up and walked deeper into the museum, where his astral projection went, but all it led him to was the center of the museum. He could feel his own soul. He could feel the evil presence nearby. They were close enough to where he could summon the All Blades, but he kept them away. Not yet. There had to be a hidden door somewhere. 

He paused in the middle of the room. There were wings with feathers preserved in resin. 

Seraphim Wings. 

All three sets of wings were open wide, they weren’t curled in to veil the angel like they were supposed to. They were spread open. They looked wrong . Then he saw the plaque.

The wings of Thomas Wayne. The first Seraphim in centuries. Seraphim feathers hold special healing qualities that are even rumored to be able to heal fatal wounds. These feathers lose their healing ability after the Seraphim dies. 

Jason felt his blood run cold. This… this was worse than the case that held the suit he died in. This was a dead soul on display– no. This was a trapped soul. Never to be set free. Never to be at rest. 

Dick frowned, confusion slowly making way for horror, “But, Tim said that… your wings are your souls.”

Jason grabbed his Bruce by the elbow before he could fall to the ground.

“Bruce–” He wasn’t sure which Dick said it to which Bruce, but Angel Bruce cut him off.

“I had no say in it. I can never forgive Alfred for it, but this Gotham, this world , it isn’t just magic. It’s also cursed and corrupt. It was the only way he could keep me from living a life in a fighting pit or a cage.”

Angel Dick’s eyebrows scrunched up in worry, “ Br –”

“What about…” Bruce peeled his eyes away from the taxidermy of his father, “What about Mom?” 

Angel Bruce looked away.

Jason could hear his Bruce’s jaw click shut, “You’re a grown man now, capable of protecting yourself. Why won’t you–”

“Don’t you think I tried ?! They came after Dick! I’m trying my best here! And I know my parents would rather have their grandkids safe than their memories honored. I have to pick and choose my battles. It’s not just about doing the right thing, it’s a war against evil . And my parents not being put to rest is a small loss compared to what’s necessary for my kids, and maybe even grandkids, to live in a safer Gotham.” Angel Bruce was looking at Bruce firmly. Eyes narrowed in that way that left no room for argument.

This Bruce was a Protector's Angel. This Bruce fought true evil. And Jason could feel all the Untitled-Like beings crawling around nearby. There was no hoping for redemption when it came to them. This Bruce killed, but it was nessasary. These evil beings would stop at nothing to get what they want.

Jason shifted and walked over to a patch where the stone floor looked off. He lodged his foot into an odd looking cobblestone, and suddenly the ground under him disappeared.

No stairs. Just free falling. Which was good for people with wings, but Jason didn’t really have those. 

He summoned one of his All Blades and stuck it into the wall to stop his fall. 

Angel Dick came diving down, before catching sight of Jason hanging and stopped. “Don’t scare me like that!”

Jason almost slipped off his sword, because, holy mother of Christ, Angel Dick had his Angel wings out.

Jason regained his grip, and positioned himself so he was sitting on the blade like a seat. 

There was the sound of grapples and suddenly Bruce and Dick were hanging next to him. Followed by Angel Bruce floating next to Angel Dick.

Bruce frowned at him, “Didn’t you say the Blades burned up your soul?”

“Only when I stab truly evil things.” He gestured downwards.

Angel Bruce’s expression darkened, “I’m going to head down, and do some recon, you four, wait for me to come back.” And he dove down.

Dick anchored his foot into his grapple, so he was no longer hanging by his arms, and gave a questioning glance to Jason, “Magical soul swords, huh?”

Jason, instead of answering to Dick’s passive aggressive question, shifted on his makeshift seat and rested his head in his hands. He felt like his intestines were entangling within themselves forming a tapestry that read the words, ‘Something was wrong. ’ Something was really really wrong. And he could feel how close Jay was. It was like if he reached his hand through the wall he would be able to grab his hand. Except, Jason couldn’t do that.

Angel Bruce came back up, “I couldn’t see Jason, but there are cages filled with children lining the perimeter of the substructure. There seems to be bidding going on. ART Dick and Bruce, you two sneak around and open the cages while Dick and I will guide them to safety, there are three more exits to the North, East, and West. We are currently in the South exit. Jason…just, try to find my son.”

Jason nodded. He just didn’t know if it’d be in time. With each second he felt like more and more of his soul was being plucked away until he was left raw and pink.

Bruce gave him a nod before grappling the rest of the way down. Dick squeezed Jason’s ankle and followed Bruce’s lead. 

Which left him with the Angels. 

Angel Bruce looked at Jason, “Thank you, for making sure Tim and Stephanie were safe. I know you don’t actually need the gatorade-tea-candy potion.” 

Jason looked at the knee of his pants. They had rust color stains. Blood. Of different Jasons. That were on him because he was too late to save himself. “I just didn’t want them seeing anything they shouldn’t”

Angel Dick floated closer to Jason and cupped his face, “I don’t know what you’ve been through these past couple days, or months, or maybe even years, but just know that you are the most resilient person I’ve ever known. And that I care about you so much.” 

Something about that tightened the knots in his stomach. “I’m not the kid you want to say that to.” 

Angel Dick smiled, and shook his head, “It’s something I know holds true throughout each and every Universe. You’re my little brother. And nothing can change that.”

And with that, the Angels dove down.

Jason shook his head. He’s not the Dick he wants to hear those words from. He knows those words will never come out of his brother’s mouth.

Well, he wasn’t getting any more info by astral projection. Time for the good old fashion way. 

If Jason Todd in this Universe was a son of Bruce Wayne, known to be the Guardian Angel of Gotham, he was probably being kept somewhere secure. Not with any of the rest of the kids who were being trafficked. He would also be up for a secret bid. One that only people with jets filled with money and power could participate in.

He scaled down the wall and lowered himself to the ground in a relatively bold way. Bold enough to catch eyes, but with enough menace to avoid weapons. Just like old times.

He scanned the crowd. A crowd reeking of Untitled energy– it wasn’t everyone, but a solid amount. 

Though there was one who stood out the most. 

Jason kept his hands in his pockets as he strode forwards. Hands in his pockets meant he had something to hide. Striding forwards with his chin slightly down, but his eyes fixed on one person, meant he had prey.

He loomed over the man. Close enough for him to feel Jason’s presence, but not to the point where they were touching. He spoke low, “Rumor has it you have some of the best Wings Gotham has to offer. Most of what I’m seeing here, I could find in Metropolis or New York.”

The monster of a man didn’t flinch, but he did shift and turn his head to Jason. Good. “What typa wings ya got?”

Jason smirked, in a way that didn’t reach his eyes and tilted his head while he stared through the man, “What makes you think I have any?”

“Whadarya, a cop? Everyone has wings, and I swear if–”

“What if, I told you mine were ripped away slowly. Feather by feather. Skin from bone. Bone from my very being until I was left nothing but a husk of who I used to be. Go ahead. Try to kill me. Though, believe me, you’ve never fought a man who’s already dead.”

The man’s eyebrows deepened, “Stay for the real show. It starts in thirty minutes, after all the wannabes leave.”

Jason slipped back into the shadows without a word. He tracked Bruce and Dick opening cages, and the Angels fly into and out of the shadows. It was a slow process to make sure no one noticed, though they were making good progress. To the point where there were only three cages they hadn’t gotten to by the time the 30 minutes were up.

There was the sound of gunshots as the man he was talking to earlier held a gun to the air and stalked to the center of the room, withering vulture wings visible. “Scram! Or the ceiling won’t be the only thing with bulletholes in it.” Just to prove his point, vulture wings grabbed the nearest person and shot them in the head.

There was the sound of wings rustling the air as the uninvited guests left. Followed by a couple more gunshots.

Vulture Wings turned back to the remaining crowd, “Well well well, my friends, you’ve just made it to the afterparty, and should I tell you, you’re in for a real treat tonight.” the room erupted into cheers, but died down as soon as Vulture Wings put his hand up. “Now, Now. Before I show you the Good I’ve got stalked up, I’ll be giving you a disclaimer. This one, is not for sale.” a rumble of Boos chimed throughout the basement, “Hold on! Hold on! You’ll all get something out of this. Donny! Bring out the feathers! And Tony! You know your que.” Donny brought four bags to Vulture Man, “Now, we all know our dear Guardian Angels of Gotham. Of Bruce Wayne and his Protectors Wings. And of Dick Grayson and his Virtues Wings. Though, there’s another Guardian Angel. One who’s wings we’ve never seen. There are certain people who theorize that the little one is just a late bloomer, or that he’s not an Angel so to stick with branding he keeps his wings hidden.” Vulture Wings let out a laugh  and unzipped one of the duffles, pulling out a singular, pristine white feather. One that seemed to have an ethereal glow to it. “Boy were they wrong.”

There was the screeching of old hinges being unlocked above them. Something– someone was being lowered from the loft.

A Seraphim.

Angel Jason.

He was hanging by his arms, and his legs were bare. All broken and bruised. His wings were next to bare. Most of The feathers had been plucked off, leaving a spare few that were stained red with blood. Two sets of the broken bare wings were curled in to shield his body and face. The last set were hanging at a painfully unnatural angle. 

“No. No! ” He couldn’t pin down the emotion in Angel Dick’s cry. Rage? Fear? Grief? Vengance ? 

Doesn’t matter, because either way, all hell broke loose.

All the Tainted Wings started lunging for the duffle bags filled with feathers, taking down anyone who got in their way. 

Angel Bruce was busy trying to make sure the duffles didn’t end up in the wrong hands, while Angel Dick was trying to make it to Angel Jason, but kept getting pulled back anyone with Tainted wings who were also trying to get to the Seraphim.

Jason had to get to him. He-he promised Angel Bruce, He he couldn’t let an Angel die.  

Jason summoned his All-Blades, and began slashing and stabbing, with only one thing in mind.

How could they have seen something so holy and defiled it?

He could feel his soul burn up with every Tainted Wing he banished, like a fire that was slowly simmering out, but he couldn’t make himself care. If he had to lose his soul in order to save an Angel , someone who’s soul was probably worth trillions of his, he would do it. He would do it in a heartbeat.

Suddenly, Angel Jason jerked down. 

The rope he was hanging from was fraying. 

Jason’s eyes snapped to Dick, who already had his grapple out and was flinging himself towards the Angel. But he was bodyslammed off of his trajectory. Angel Dick was surrounded by Tainted Wings, desparately trying to shake them loose so he could save his brother. And both Bruces were occupied too.

And Jason… Jason wouldn’t make it to him in time.

He watched as the rope snapped. He watched as the Seraphim fell, seemingly in slow motion. He heard a shout come from Dick, though he wasn’t sure which one. 

He was sure everything had frozen when Jay made contact with the ground.

An Angel had fallen.

Something had slammed into Jason’s head hard, and for a second, he didn’t see the broken wings of an angel. He saw the tattered yellow cape of a Robin. He saw a face that was tinged blue with Hypothermia. A mouth filling with blood from a punctured rib. A neck bleeding out. A Lamb to the slaughter curling in on himself. A doll.

Jason thrusted his Blade into a stomach, as he got back onto his shaky legs. 

A fallen Angel.

Angel Dick rushed to the Seraphim. Mercilessly taking out anyone who was in his way. Jason took out anyone who got too close to the pair. 

Angel Dick cradled Angel Jason in his arms. “Jason… Jason, can you, can you stay awake for me? Please?” Jason knew he was gone, deep in his being, but Angel Dick continued, “Please, Jason. You can… just rant to me about that one story? Like you always do. The one… what was his name, Icarus? It was Icarus right? And spring? It was spring when he fell. It’s not spring right now. And you don’t have– why would anyone have wings made of wax, that’s just stupid. And whoever wrote that story was dumb, because obviously the higher up you go, the colder it gets, so the wax wouldn’t melt, it would’ve frozen and gotten hard. Jason.” Dick shook him and one of his wings stopped veiling his face, “Jason. It’s not spring. You don’t have wings of wax, your–your wings are mine, and- and my wings are yours. You’re my wings. And you can’t– Jason! You asshole, wake up!” Dick smacked his face but it didn’t do anything, “You promised. You promised we could fly together after– after you told Bruce. You promised we’d fly together, and I promised I would teach you. If you can’t fly then I can’t. I can’t. If you’re not next to me, I’m not going to fly. I can’t fly. Don’t you understand? You’re my wings. I can’t fly without my wings.”

Jason realized no one was attacking them anymore. Which was a good thing because he was pretty sure if he stabbed one more Tainted Wing, his soul would completely disappear. 

He felt his knees go limp and his head spin. 

Dick Grayson, the last Flying Grayson, a man who’s feet were probably in the air more often than they were on the ground– something that had to be true across the multiverse, because if it wasn’t that wasn’t Dick Grayson– couldn’t fly because his brother couldn’t. Because it wasn’t Dick’s wing’s that were his soul, it was his family. His family was his soul. His family was his wings. And he couldn’t fly without his wings.

A pair of hands grabbed his face and it took him a moment to piece together that they belonged to Dick. His brother. He immediately rested his forehead into the crook of his kneck, trust be damned. Or whatever complicated feelings that ranged between them, be damned.

Everthing turned white around them, and he was pretty sure he had passed out, until a voice spoke. 

A very familiar voice. 

“You have mastered the All-Blades?”

Jason could feel the very blades in question retract back into his soul as he turned his head so he could confirm who he was speaking with, with his eyes, “Oh. Hi Talia. Yes.” 

And then he passed out.

Notes:

Woooh baby, that chapter was really hard to write. Mainly because I usually balance out the darker tones with a bit of humor, but I felt like if I tried to add too much humor in this chapter it would be out of character
Jason is really just Goob, because he thinks everyone hates him when that couldn't be farther from the truth.
Jason, after him and Dick Hugged for a solid minute and Dick refuses to let go of Jason's wrist: Yeah... I don't think Dick trusts me all that much. or likes me.
fun fact, I would like to think that the moment where Dick was comforting Jason after the whole Garzonas incident is when Dick first thought to himself "Yk, maybe I can be a good big brother" AND THEN JASON DIED (btw, this is totally my headcanon, but it would be nice if DC wanted to make it canon)
Jason and Bruce are Jason and Bruce and things are so complicated between both of them because they love each other so much, but they will always be AUUUUUAAGGGGHHHAHAAA
I thought it would be nice if Jason read classic literature just on his own, but him and Bruce read poems together. just to add to the poems aspect of this fic.
YEAH WE GOT ALTERNATE REALITY STEPH!!
ANd yeah, was it a little on the nose to make them all Angels? Maybe, but what else was I going to make them? Bats? Robins? that's too obvious.
also, I wouldn't be able to give Catholic Jason Todd a colossal mind fuck when it sinks in that his alternate reality self was a fucking ANGEL
And, I wouldn't have been able to make Jason being a Fallen Angel AND Icarus reference.
Oh! and disclaimer, I'm Hindu, so if any of my info was wrong, I apologize profusely.
ANYWHO, I hope you have a great day :)

Chapter 7: Invictus

Summary:

Chapter title from "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley

Notes:

Btw and this AU is based off of this tumblr post https://www.tumblr.com/oifaaa/712713889624834048/was-thinking-about-how-jason-and-damian-are?source=share

and the swing in the cave looks more like a porch swing

Jason woke up in a daze. There was shouting, and arguing, but he couldn’t really make out the words. Something about ‘ Why is this the first time I’m learning about Jason’s soul sucking swords??!!’ and ‘It’s in his files–’ and ‘Not the magic sword part, the part where he uses them and ALMOST DIES AGAIN!!’ and ‘Do I look like a magic expert to you, Dick?’ and ‘No, but you could’ve asked ANY of the handful of magicians–’

Jason stopped listening. Why are Dick and Bruce arguing? Must be about the Titans or something.

He felt a hand card through his hair. 

Oh. That’s nice.

He fell back asleep.

 

The next time he woke up, there was the bone deep numbness that was so numb, it hurt. In his shoulders, his knees, his hips. His fingers felt stiff. His whole body was screaming.

Jason really hates that crowbar.

Slowly, he flexed each and every joint. Curling his fingers, curving his shoulders, bending his knees and shifting his hips until the screaming pain turned into a synchronized throb.

Sometimes, Jason really loathed being brought back to life.

He laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. He doesn’t like laying on his back. It reminds him too much of waking up in a suit and tie. Inside of a box. Dark and cold, breathing in stale air–

He curled back onto his side.

That was better. 

Jason realized Bruce and Dick were staring at him with that look . With how much they look at him like that, they should trademark it. Right along with Alfred’s I’m very disappointed in you look ™ and the Batglare ™. Though, Jason didn’t really know how to describe it. Kinda like a you’re still alive? Look. 

It was too much work to read into whatever Bruce and Dick were thinking under their carefully crafted masks, and frankly, Jason was tired, so he closed his eyes.

But every single bone in his body was pulsing in pain to the beat of his heart. 

A hand grabbed his, and traced tiny circles into the space between his thumb and pointer finger.

“Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be, For my unconquerable soul.

“In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, My head is bloody, but unbowed.

“Beyond this place of wrath and tears, Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years, Finds and shall find me unafraid.

‘It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.”

 

 

There was a weight on his chest that was shifting around, until he was face to face with…

Damian.

But something about him was making some very dim light bulbs in the back of his head turn on. Wait. Talia was there, right? He remembers seeing Talia. Were they at the League?

 “ Little Prince–” he started in the League dialect.

“Are you really Jay-Akhi when he grows big?” And that completely threw Jason. Because Damian said it in English– and not in the crisp accent or tone Damian used to have when he was younger. Lowkey, it had a bit of Alley in it, which was really throwing Jason for a loop.

So… maybe they weren’t in the league. “Uh… I guess?” He sat up, “Not exactly… I’m not your Jason, but I’m kinda like him.”

Damian grinned– aww, now that was just adorable– he was missing his two front teeth, “That’s mir-macu- wacu-louis. Now I have three Akhis!” then he gasped, “No, four!”

Jason chuckled, “Miraculous.” Damian couldn’t be more than, what? Five? Six? “Alrighty kiddo, is there a reason you woke me up? Cus I’m pretty sure I need my beauty sleep in all universes.”

“Um…” Damian put a finger to his chin and looked up, and then leaned in close, speaking in a stage whisper, “My reason was Cookies.” 

“Do you mean you want to make ‘em or eat ‘em?” Jason raised an eyebrow conspiratorially, “Or do you need help stealing ‘em? ‘Cus, I dunno about you, but I may know a thing or two about that.”

Damian spread his arms out wide, and wrapped them around Jason’s neck, “I wanna make ‘em, steal ‘em, then eat ‘em. Like the Cookie Monster!” 

There were footsteps racing down the hall, “Habiiiiiibat!” Damian immediately perked up, and looked to the door, “Damian?” Jay peaked his head through the door, and then seemed to realize Jason was awake and straightened up, “Oh. uh, Hi! I’m sorry if he woke you up.” Damian immediately ran to Jay and jumped into his arms.

Jason laughed at the sight. Dick is probably going to melt once he sees the pair. “Trust me, I’m used to it. He comes to my apartment at 2 a.m. demanding food.” Everyone does and it’s annoying. Like, Dick can cook too. So can Steph and Duke, and even Damian depending on the food. Why would they go to someone they don’t really like? Or trust? Jason shook his head, “How long have I been out?”

“A little over two days. Your Bruce and Dick wouldn’t leave your side, until Alfred had to shoo them away to get some food and sleep.” Jay chewed the inside of his cheek. “They, uh, they were looking at him kinda funny. Is… nevermind.” For all Jason’s faults, he was usually really good at reading people. He wasn’t as good as Cass, but he was pretty good. He had to be, otherwise he wouldn’t have survived as long as he did on the streets. If only he was able to read Sheila “Alfred left some clothes out for you. He’s in the kitchen right now, so once you’re done… yeah.” Jay turned to leave.

That was a lot more awkward than the last Jason they met who was this age. Actually, he was pretty sure this Jason was older. Though, he always felt more confident as Robin. He could always pretend to be more outgoing while dressed like a traffic light.

Jason was a bit wobbly on his feet, but he found the clothes Alfred laid out for him. They were probably Bruce's if he wasn’t mistaken.

Then he realized what sweatshirt specifically had been laid out for him. 

It was a vintage Gotham Knight’s sweatshirt that Jason remembered wearing all the time in the cave. It had always been way too big on him, and Bruce tried to buy him one that would fit better, but there was something about Bruce’s sweatshirt specifically– maybe because it was vintage, or maybe because it was Bruce’s– that was comforting. 

He tried to find it once when he went back to the cave, usually he kept it in his locker, but he had found it empty. With no trace that Jason was once Robin, besides that stupid memorial. He assumed Bruce threw everything out. 

While Jason took a shower, he debated wearing the sweatshirt, but ultimately decided against it. Jason’s was long gone. And he was fine with that. He had his own time with his. This one belonged to Jay. 

And then, it hit him like a freight train.

Alfred.  

Alfred was here. Alfred was alive . 

And, he made it to the kitchen, but… he couldn’t make it past the door. Not when the scene looked like it was pulled directly from his childhood. Jay on a stepstool so he could comfortably reach the counter, Alfred next to him giving him nods every time Jay looked to him for confirmation. The Beatles playing in the background. 

And just seeing Alfred reminded him of how much he missed him.

Damian was sitting on one of the bar stools with a bunch of colored pencils and paper spread out in front of him. 

Alfred finally seemed to notice him, “Ah, Master Jason. Glad to see you awake and about.” Even his voice was the same. 

That was the thing about Alfred, no matter how much time had passed, he still stayed the same. The way he stood, the way he spoke. Every hair on his head, every line in his face. Jason had genuinely thought Alfred was immortal. Guess he was wrong . 

Alfred moved to the fridge and pulled out a glass container of pasta salad. “Dinner is at six, though since you missed the last few meals, I would be amenable to fixing up something you would like.”

Jason placed the Gotham Knights sweatshirt on the backrest of the chair next to Damian, and sat in the next seat, glancing at the clock. It was currently 3:00, “I think I’ll be good for now, Alfred. Thank you.” Though, Jason wasn’t just saying thank you for the food. He was saying, thank you for all the years you’ve taken care of me, thank you for giving me a real childhood, thank you for being someone who believed in me.

Alfred gave him a knowing smile, as he scooped out some pasta into a bowl. Because maybe Alfred was a mind reader. Jason was pretty sure that held true across universes. 

Jason started eating as he made a mental note of things. They’d already been in this universe for a lot longer than the other ones. They were even at the Wings Universe for noticeably longer. And then he stopped mid bite.

Alternate reality Jason had Seraphim Wings. 

Maybe… No. Jason couldn’t’ve been an angel, especially not a seraphim. Not before he died, and definitely not after. It was just a different reality. It wasn’t even him . 

Little Damian poked Jason’s cheek, “Big Jay-Akhi?”

Oh, this child was too cute. “Hm?” 

“Can I see your magical swords?”

Jason scratched the back of his neck, “Uh, sorry kiddo. I can’t exactly summon them without the presence of pure evil. But I can tell you how your Umi was the one who brought me to this place called the Acres of All where I learned how to use it.”

He saw Jay’s mouth drop, “Wait, seriously? When?”

Egh.. that was a foggy time period, “I think I was… 17? Yeah, because I was 18 by the time I was back in Gotham, and that was after… yeah, I should’ve been 17.”

Jay beamed, and leapt off the stool he was on, darting towards the kitchen entrance, because Bruce(the younger one) was leaning against the doorframe, “Ya hear that, Old Man? I’m gonna get magical swords of my own! Oh my god, I’m gonna have to make up a new vigilante name! Wait–” Jay looked back at Jason, “What do you go by? What does your suit look like? Do you still stay in Gotham? Or do you work from wherever you go to college? Where do you go to college? Cus I’ve been thinking of Princeton since I could still come back to Gotham every weekend to see Damian and I would be close enough to help if there was an Arkham breakout, but I was also thinking NYU because then I could see Dick more often, and maybe help out the Titans. Am I aiming too high? I mean, afterall I didn’t really go to middle school, but my grades have been really good, and obviously you know that, you’re me, and I’ve been thinking if I had a really good essay, I could probably get into any good school. Not to mention Bruce said he’d pay for tuition, but I wanna know that I got into the school because I was good, not because Bruce has a lot of money, ya know?”

“Um…” Static filled Jason’s ears. He had to sit on his hands because they had gone cold. His whole body had gone cold, why was the manor so cold? 

He was also sweating. Why was he sweating if he was so cold? His heart was pounding. Did he just come back from patrol? 

He huffed out a breath and closed his eyes. He knew himself. He knew that school and college, and a future was something every version of himself would’ve wanted. 

Yeah, no, Jason’s not gonna think about that. He’s gonna go back to making a mental checklist. He no longer had his kris. That was embedded in a hyena’s forehead. 

Did his Bruce still have the duffel with their suits in it? Or were they just running around in civvies from here on out? 

Jason no longer had his helmet or gloves. He had left those behind when he was holding a crying Tim. Which honestly sucked because if they got stuck in a reality that dropped below freezing, his fingers were going to be useless and in pain for the next 24 hours after that.

Alfred placed a grounding hand on Jason’s elbow, “I believe we should hold off on interrogating the older Master Jason until he fully wakes up.”

Jason snapped back into the real world and realized everyone was looking at him funny. 

No clue why though. He was perfectly fine. 

But his Bruce and Dick were now in the room, and so was Talia, so he looked to her, “You wouldn’t happen to have any spare knives on you? I kinda lost mine a couple dimensions ago.” 

Talia gave him a fond smile, and then a pointed look towards Alternate reality Bruce, “I was told not to give you anymore blades that weren’t approved by your father beforehand.”

Jay sat in the seat in between Jason and Damian, “She gave me a squiggly knife for my birthday. And then Bruce had a cow.”

Jason nodded, “Batcow.” And then blinked, “Oh, wait, you were talking about the expression. Not Damian’s pet. I thought you meant Bruce took away the kris and got you a cow instead.”

Suddenly Bruce was faced with a pair of double puppy eyes from both Damian and Jay, and Jason realized the chaos he had caused.

Jay sat on his hands and kicked his legs, tripling the cuteness factor, “Maybe not a cow, but at least a dog?”

Damian got off his chair and gave Bruce the drawing he was working on, “Please, Baba ? We can also get a pony in case the dog gets lonely. Like Dickie-Akhi and Jay-Akhi. We can then get a kitten when the doggy leaves because dogs don’t like cats.”

He saw both Bruce's fold, and Bruce had better hope their Damian never asks to get a pony, because Jason will bring up this moment.

“Wait, why am I the pony?” Jay had his head tilted to the side.

“Because you’re Ponyboy! From the story!”

The Outsiders?

Jay hummed, “I always saw myself in Johnny.”

Jason shoveled the rest of the pasta into his mouth, even though all it tasted like was ash. He could only half pay attention to what the rest of the conversation was.

“…Wasn’t that the one who killed someone?”

“It was an accident, and it was also in self defense.”

“Jay-Akhi, you can’t be Johnny. He dies.”

“Saving kids from a fire wouldn’t be the worst way to go out.”

Jason’s ears were ringing. 

His heart dropped. Just like Garzonas over the edge of a balcony. A man he didn’t push, but he didn’t save. 

A shiver ran up his spine, yet his ears felt like they were on fire. His whole body felt like it was on fire. He was trapped under a smoldering rebar, and the only thing he could smell was smoke and burning flesh. 

Abruptly he stood up, “I’m… gonna… go back to bed.” He was about to bolt out of the room when he turned back to Alfred, and offered him a tight smile. “Thank you.” 

And he stumbled out of the kitchen.

 

Jason was bundled up in three blankets, but his chest wouldn’t expand, his heart was now pulsing in his throat, and he still felt cold. Too cold. He was on fire, he was covered with burns. He was riddled with frostbite. Every bone in his body was crushed. He was bleeding. Bleeding out of his neck. His hands were coated with sticky red. Red, red, red. The air was too thick– He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe.

There was laughing, laughing, laughing, something was eating him alive, but he wasn’t alive. He was just a doll. A doll with a voice box that sang, ‘only the good die young, only the good die young! Onlythegooddieyoung! ONLYTHEGOODDIEYOUNG!’ over and over and over again dissonant against the laughter that wouldn’t stop.

Nope.

Nope.

Jason does not have to deal with this. They were currently on a mission. A really long mission, sure, but they were on a mission. He didn’t have time to panic. In fact, the only reason he was currently panicking about a book was because he was just tired. Even though he slept for two days. Though, in his defense, his soul almost decided to Houdini out of…existence. 

His soul.

His wings. 

They had completely wrecked Angel Jason’s wings. They had broken his soul. Even if the angel had survived, who knew if he would ever be the same again. 

Either way his soul was shattered into too many pieces. His soul. He was broken . 

He felt the corner of his bed dip, the sweet smell of jasmine filling the air, as fingers ran through his hair. 

Talia.  

Safety.

‘Ana huna

“You have always said Robin was magic. Though, Richard always said that magic came from you. I guess he was right.” Talia puffed out a soft breath that could only be heard as fond. 

It tickled the back of his brain. The part that would always be frozen in time. Watching the last second on the timer. The part that knew something came after that and before that Halloween, but he could not remember what was there. The part that knew there was something in between the coffin and the Lazarus pit, but the pieces were too fractured to put together. 

“Jason, tayirati alsaghira,” My little bird, “You still make the same face when you are trying not to think of something that haunts you. I will not pretend to know you as I know my Jason…” She trailed off, as she thought carefully of her next words, “just know I do not plan on letting anything happen to my sons. None of them, no matter the Universe.” She continued to brush his hair behind his ear, “You are safe as long as I am here.” 

Jason curled in on himself, “‘Ana huna.” I am here.  

It was a phrase buried deep within his mind. 

“Yes, ‘ana huna.” He could almost hear Talia’s fond smile, “ ‘Ana huna.”

And if Jason let himself zone out, he could almost picture himself back at the league. 

A husk of a boy. Sitting in a grass field while the promise of ‘ana huna was softly whispered in his ear. A time when he was too hollow to hurt. Too hurt to feel. Oddly, it was probably the best period of his post-mortem life. Mainly because he didn’t remember it at all.

And with Talia there, whispering ‘ana huna, Jason could just forget.

He could forget.

 

Jason ended up coming down to help Alfred make dinner. They were making Biryani– Jason’s idea– and it was weird. 

It was weird because Jason knew this wasn’t his Alfred. He had to keep reminding himself of that. He had to keep reminding himself that his Alfred was no longer able to cook besides him in this kitchen because of Bane. 

Yet, cooking alongside Alfred always felt comfortable. It always felt right . He never felt like he had to live up to any expectations whenever he was around Alfred. 

He knew he could just be. 

Except, Alfred was giving him that look that meant he knew something was up, and was waiting patiently for Jason to tell him. Honestly, it was a near constant look on Alfred’s face– whether that be towards Bruce, or Dick, or anyone. 

When Jason was younger, he used to wonder if Alfred was a time traveler. Since he died, he just thinks Alfred could read minds.

Or Alfred just knows them all really well. 

The rice was already cooking and Jason started frying the onions in a pan alongside the spices. He and Alfred worked well in silence, it’s just that, Jason wanted to say something. He just didn’t know what.

“Alfred?”

Alfred handed Jason the chopped tomatoes, “Yes, my boy?”

 “If–” Jason cut himself off and frowned as he slid the tomatoes into the pan, “Nothin’.” and then he realized that it would be a bit too obvious if Jason wanted Alfred to drop the look. “I was just wondering if you could eat at the table with us tonight?”

Alfred gave him that smile that meant he wouldn’t normally do what Jason’s asking him to, but will because he knows Jason needs it. “Just tonight.”

 

Dinner was… interesting. 

Jason could tell that both Bruces wanted to talk about interdimensional travel, but Alfred had a strict no cave work in the manor policy. (the policy had been tossed out the window by the time he came back from the dead, but oh well.) 

Jason was sitting next to Talia who was feeding Damian as he babbled about different animals and people named the Kratt brothers? Though, it was really sweet to watch. Mainly because he knew this wasn’t something that would happen between their Talia and Damian. 

Dick was looking down at his plate, like it had personally offended him, and Alfred was sitting at the head of the table with both Jasons to either side of him.

Jay was looking at Jason with a question on his face, “How come your Bruce lets you get away with the white streak?”

Out of all the Jasons who were Robins, he’s surprised he hasn’t been asked that question earlier, “As if Bruce has any control over me.” Jason glanced to Dick and back to Jay, hopefully projecting, He still doesn’t know about the vitiligo, as much as he could, “I also wear a helmet.”

Jay also glanced at Dick and grinned, “Is it because of your magical swords? Or do you just dye it? Ya know, you should dye it a different color. Like… I was gonna say green, but it’ll look horrible once it fades, but maybe… purple.”

Jason hummed, “Maybe.” He looked to Dick, “Ya think I could get Steph in on it too?”

Dick glared at Jason. It was a glare filled with such temperance, Jason had to hold back a flinch. 

Jay turned to face Dick, while leaning slightly back. “Who’s Steph?”

Like a lightswitch, Dick’s glare softened, “She’s our current Batgirl.”

So he was angry with Jason. Why was he angry with him? He thought they were getting better.

The Batgirl comment seemed to deflate Jay’s mood, “So Babs doesn’t…”

“No, she doesn’t.” A flurry of emotions seemed to pass over Jay’s face before settling on worry, “But honestly, she’s much more bada–” Dick glanced at Damian, “-wesome. Awesome, she’s much more awesome now. She’s basically our eyes and ears. She mans the coms, and sends us to wherever we’re needed. She’s kinda our guardian… angel now.” Dick looked back at his plate, pushing around some rice.

Jay rolled his eyes, sensing the tone shift at the end, “Please tell me you two aren’t also fighting. Because I came off of a phone call a couple days ago with my big brother telling him how much of a big idiot he was, and I really don’t feel like repeating myself.”

Dick gave him a little chuckle, and ruffled Jay’s hair, “Nah, kiddo, we’ve been just friends for the better part of the decade.”

“That’s what you say about Wally and Roy, yet I still see both of their clothes in your room.”

“Everyone’s clothes are everywhere in Titans Tower. You know that.” Jay looked like he wanted to continue to poke fun at Dick and his relationships, but Dick cut him off, “Steph! Is actually really cool. She was her own hero for a time, and then she was Robin, and then went on to be Batgirl. She’s basically Damian’s big sister, but Bruce won’t adopt her.”

Jay nodded, “So like…Babs but blonde?” and then paused, “I don’t treat Steph how you treat Babs, right?”

Jason grimaced, “Nah, I could never pull a Tim. She deserves better.”

“Who’s Tim?”

Bruce (the old man,) finally pitched into the conversation, “Do you have a small kid with a camera who follows you around as Robin?”

Jay nodded.

Jason blinked, “Hold up, is Tim a little stalker in every universe except for ours?”

Bruce’s face twisted like he was adding something to his mental tally, “No. Ours did too. You were the one who told me about him. Though, I didn’t believe you, until Tim showed up on our doorstep.”

“Huh. I guess I forgot.” Jason scratched his head and frowned. How could he have forgotten? Jason hasn’t forgotten any of the alley kids he meets on patrol, or the people he’s saved from muggings, or anything. He might not know some of their names, but he could never forget their faces. How in tarnation did he forget Tim running around from roof to roof with a camera?

What else does he not remember?

 

The rest of dinner passed, Jay offered to get Damian ready for bed, while Alfred washed the dishes. The rest of them headed down to the cave. 

Jason had to do a double take, because this cave was nothing like their cave, and it definitely didn’t look like the cave he knew when he was younger.

First off, there was a swing near the computer. There was also the normal batcomputer chair, but Jason just wasn’t expecting there to be a swing. Vaguely, in the back of his mind he remembered sitting on a swing with a sleeping kid leaning on him as the sun set. Second, there were no weapons out on racks, and most of the sharp corners were either blunted or covered with foam. Third, there was one of those toy cars that a kid could ride in, that was painted to look like the batmobile. Along with a pretty large Thomas the Train track set, and a bin of legos.

So, really the main difference between this batcave and their batcave, was that this one was baby proofed.

“Jason, would you mind if I took a sample of your blood? Just a blood test, nothing else.” Young Bruce led them towards the medbay, while Talia, Dick and Older Bruce made their way to the computer

Jason frowned, “Why… didn’t you do that when I was unconscious?” He figured Mr. Paranoid would’ve done that already.

“You passed out due to magical interference. I did not want to… complicate your status.” Bruce opened a drawer and pulled out a sterile needle, tube, and tourniquet. “And I know you don’t like having needles placed in you without your knowledge. Unless that’s just something my Jason doesn’t appreciate.”

Jason sat on the cot and rolled up his sleeve, “Nah, you’re right. I’m just… I’m fine if it’s you.” 

Bruce raised an eyebrow, while grabbing a bandaid (Wonder Woman themed) and an alcohol wipe, “What about Alfred? Or Leslie?”

“They go without saying.” They were the ones who figured it’d be better to make a routine while bringing needles around Jason. It’s not a distraction, just reassurance nothing’s been tampered with. Jason doesn’t really need people to do that for him anymore, not since he’s had more traumas that have made unsterile needles seem juvenile, but the thought is still nice. 

“What about Talia and Dick.” Bruce tied the tourniquet around Jason’s upper arm.

“Dick hasn’t tried in… a really long time. He tried to distract me, and I kicked him in the face. Though, I dunno about Talia. I trust her with my life, but I don’t remember how that trust was built.”

“Hnm.” That was his mentally tally for something off grunt. 

Bruce started putting together the needle and tube in front of Jason. He felt around for his vein, then disinfected Jason’s arm, “One… Two… Three.”

There was a slight pinch, but other than that, Jason was fine. 

Jason’s fears were weird like that. He’s not afraid of the Joker, but his heart stops whenever he sees a blonde with a bob on the streets. He’s not claustrophobic from the coffin, but the feeling of dirt under his fingernails sends a shudder throughout his whole body. He’s not afraid of needles, he’s afraid of what’s attached to it.

Bruce took the needle out, stuck the bandaid on, and disposed of the gloves he was using. Then he offered Jason a smile, “I like that you decided to grow the white out. Reminds me of a tiny little boy who hit me with a tire iron and called me a big boob.”

Jason opened his mouth and then closed it, Not his Bruce He hopped off the cot. Jason gave him a little smile back, as they both headed back to the batcomputer. 

They were planning on building a beacon of sorts. Older Bruce already had a couple of designs sketched out, and had made a list of materials that would be needed to make said device. Most of them they could find, but some of them Jason knew they wouldn’t be able to get their hands on unless the universe was a couple years in the future. Or they went on a deep space adventure, which they couldn’t because that would take too much time. Time they didn’t know they had.

 

Jason was currently sitting in the study, across from Bruce. It was just them in the manor. Talia had left for work at Wayne Enterprises, Alfred was currently dropping off Jason and Damian at school. Dick and Younger Bruce were out gathering materials.

Dick, who was still upset with Jason. What did he do? Dick hasn’t been this mad at Jason since Jason was in his villain arc. As far as Jason knew, they were fine back in the Wings universe. And he was concked for the past two days, and Dick’s been avoiding him since then, so it had to be something that happened over there.

Unless he said something wrong while he was asleep– but he doesn’t sleep talk. Maybe it was something he did?

Since no one else was in the manor with them, they decided to update the chart of Universes they’ve been to. On a real piece of paper. 

This time they were just titled Jason 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8. He couldn’t find it in him to give each of them snarky nicknames. 

Most of it stayed the same, if they were Robin or not, their Age, the place where they died, how they died. Though they decided to add the differences between each of the universes, and how long they were in each universe.

“Got any theories on why we’ve been in this universe much longer than the other ones?” Sure, they had also been in the Wings Universe longer than the other universes, six hours, though  that’s still a lot less than three days.

“Dick seems to think that because the beam directly hit you, where we go is somewhat attached to you.” 

Jason nodded. It made sense… but at the same time it didn’t. If the beam was magic, it would make more sense, but it seemed to be just tech gone wrong, “And you?”

Bruce looked at him, but too many years of miscommunication must have passed between them, because the only thing he could read on Bruce’s face was a mixture of grief and relief, “Jason hasn’t…”

“Well, Sherlock, couldn't've figured that one out.” Jason tapped the pen on the table, “but usually we’re sent back a little before the incident starts. The first one we were in the warehouse a couple minutes before Robin arrived. The second Jason was actively freezing to death, the third Jason was an hour before he got hit by the car, tops. The fourth one was also a little under an hour before the manor got swarmed, the fifth one was seconds before I came back to life. The sixth one was– we were in the room while… The lamb was an active member of-of the food chain, while we just sat there . And baby Jay was probably spooning cocaine into his mout h as we– as she –” Jason shut his mouth. He felt like he was going to throw up. “She didn’t even care.” Jason underlined the age of baby Jay on their list. “She left her four year old son alone . In the apartment. With drugs in reach . She didn’t care , Bruce.” He chewed the inside of his cheek, but it still didn’t stop his mouth from twitching downwards, so he let out a little laugh. “I’ve– I’ve spent the last eight years trying to make excuses for her. That she was being blackmailed by the Joker, she was young and wasn’t ready to be a- a mother, that the world was just out to get her, but she– my mom – Catherine, the one who raised me– she would’ve never let that happen. Any of it. She wouldn’t’ve– up until the very end she didn’t even let me near– ” Jason pressed his lips together, his eyes burning with shame at the stupid, naive, fifteen year old version of himself who was desperately clawing at any ounce of acceptance he could find.  “ Mami wouldn’t have sold me out.” it came out barely above a whisper.

Bruce reached his hand across the desk, “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” 

Jason shook his head, “I want to tell you. God, Bruce I’ve wanted to tell you for so long. But at the same time, I didn’t?” He set down the pen and looked into Bruce’s eyes. They used to be a brighter blue. The color of the sky on a good day in Gotham. Now they've turned gray. Jason doesn’t know when it happened. He just knows it was sometime while he was gone. He looked back down at the pen, “Sometimes, it’s just really hard to talk to you. There are so many times that I want to talk to you . To Bruce . Except ever since I’ve come back, it feels like I have to fight Batman just to do that.” Jason shook his head, he knew he had Bruce right now. If he had Batman, he’d be interrogating Jason instead of letting him speak. “Every single day since I could think straight, I’ve regretted how– how desperate I was to meet her. How I didn’t even do any background checks on her or how I didn’t even tell Alfred about it, I just found out and… left. ”

“Jason–”

“Let me finish.” He took in a breath, “It was reckless, it wasn’t thought through, I was so… willing to trust her even though that was the worst mistake of my life. It was the worst mistake of my life.”

“Jason, she led you into a false sense of security, it wasn’t your fault–”

“It wasn’t my fault? Bruce, I knew better than that! The first thing you learn as a Alley kid is don’t talk to people you don’t know or you’ll end up dead in a ditch . I literally found three contacts in Papi’s phone with names I didn’t even know, and left halfway across the world to ask a secret agent– Who I didn’t even know– if she was my mother, and I should’ve stopped then, but I then asked Lady Shiva ? What the fuck was I thinking?”

Bruce stood up and rounded the table until he was kneeling in front of him. “Jason, it was not your fault. I’m sorry for ever believing otherwise.”

He shook his head, “I never blamed you for my death. I’ve told you this. You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“I’m apologizing for turning you into a cautionary tale. For assuming things about your death.”

Jason looked anywhere but the the man in front of him, “Bruce–”

“Jason, you were 15 years old. You just wanted to get to know a mother you never knew you had. That’s understandable. It is comparatively more tame to what your siblings were doing around that age.” He locked eyes with Jason, “It wasn’t your fault. You were just a child. A child who had to grow up too quickly because none of the adults in your life could give you what you needed. And that includes me.” Bruce held both of Jason’s hands in his. An action that used to completely bury Jason’s hands, but now, both of their hands were relatively the same size. “I know you don’t like it when I… lament  over your death, though it’s not just about not making it there in time. It’s because I left you alone with her, it’s because I let you track down Lady Shiva. It’s because I should’ve told you to take a break from Robin in a different way, because I knew you were hurting, but I didn’t know how to help you.”

Jason knew his mouth was hanging agape. And then he shut it, “I feel like that’s a recurring theme between us.”

Bruce offered him a small smile. One he hasn’t seen in a while, “We’ll figure it out eventually.”

And Jason knows that Bruce will try. He will try to reach Jason, try to figure out how to get back to him. But there's always that one day. That one day when he feels like they’re almost back to where they were before he died. There’ll always be something . Something that sends it all crashing down. And that something is usually Batman. 

He knows that Bruce can never put the cowl down. It’s the same reason why the rest of them can’t either. It’s a special mix of adrenaline and guilt that keeps drawing them back to protecting people. In ways, it’s an addiction of sorts. And Bruce will always choose the addiction of being a hero over any of them. 

Still, Jason nods whenever Bruce says he'll try harder. Because Jason is the moon. A cold and dry desolate landscape, and when water-the building block of life- when the oceans try to reach him, he can only try to reach back. He’ll always be grasping for something he’ll never be big enough to pull towards him.

“The real thing we should figure out… eventually, is why in the world did my dad have Lady Shiva in his contacts.”

 

It didn’t take long for Alfred to come home after that, and Dick and Younger Bruce came home around noon. Both Bruce's got to work on the beacon, while Jason and Dick help Alfred with chores around the house. It definitely made the top three most awkward moments of his life, death and life. Since he was actively trying to ignore the fact that their Alfred was dead and Dick was upset with him.

Jason spared a glance at Dick and found him staring again.

Furious.

Though Alfred definitely knew something Jason didn’t, because he was giving Dick his I know what you’re thinking, but not everyone can read your mind look that he usually reserved for Bruce. Dick glanced from Jason to Alfred, his face contorting into that weird mixture of grief and relief.

Oh.

Jason wasn’t the only one who lost Alfred. So did Dick, and he knew Alfred for much longer than Jason had. Alfred was more of Dick’s constant, than Jason’s. And Dick only seemed angry at Jason after he and Alfred had made dinner together.

He finished vacuuming the living room carpet, “I think I’m gonna head to the library.” and to the library he went.

The first book Jason was about to pick up was the Iliad. Then he remembered where the story of Icarus was from. And Icarus had wings and so do angels– 

And they both fell.

They both died.

He shook his head and went to the Jane Austen section, and grabbed Sense and Sensibility. He went to the papasan chair he used to curl up in when he was younger. The one in their manor was gone. He’s now too grown to sit with his legs underneath him, without tipping over the chair, but still, being there in the library, with only a book for company, let him drift to the land of 19th century literature, without worrying about what was going on around them.

He was halfway through the book when Alfred came in, looking more tense than Jason’s ever seen him “the Joker is out of Arkham.”

Naturally . Jason went to put away the book he was reading, “Do we know where–”

“Gotham City Elementary.”

Jason stilled before practically running out of the library and to the cave, Alfred keeping pace with him. Gotham City High School was only a couple blocks away from the Elementary school. And he knew he kept a spare suit in his backpack when he was in high school, just in case a rogue attacked. There was no way he would stay behind if he knew, especially since Damian went to the elementary school. 

Jason leaped down the stairs to get to where Younger Bruce was suiting up, and Dick and older Bruce were putting on spare dominoes.  Jason reached to grab one too, but Dick swatted his hand away.

Jason reached again, “I’m sorry if you didn’t catch on, but I lost my helmet four realities ago.”

“No.” Dick slapped his hand away again, and fixed Jason with a hard glare, “You’re staying here.”

He blinked, “Excuse me?”

“You’re staying here. That’s final.” Dick strode towards the batmobile.

So Dick was still mad at him. Why was he still upset with him? It couldn’t’ve been the Alfred thing, because he gave them their time. It had to be something before that, “If you’re upset with me for… taking down those wing smugglers, just know the All Blades don’t work on anything that isn’t true evil–”

“I know that. That’s not– we don’t have time for this.”

“Exactly. We don’t have time for this. I’m coming.” Jason opened the drawer to grab a domino, and marched after him.

Dick scoffed, “No, you’re not.”

“Is it because I killed that Hyena version of the Joker ?”

He turned to face him, “No–”

“Then why? Do you not trust me or–”

“I could see you fading, Jason! You almost died! Again! Ok? And you keep dying! Ever since I got back from space and saw on the news that you were dead, I fucking thought that if I was there then–” Dick cut himself off, took a deep breath “Every single universe we go to, you keep dying, and we’re right there, but we can never do anything about it! And it’s not fine, but the only reason I’m not losing my mind over their deaths is that I keep telling myself that you are alive. That they’re not you, because you are my little brother. You keep dying. I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you.”

Jason shook his head, “Dick… You know I can’t promise you that. Not with our line of work. You couldn’t even keep that promise.”

Dick leveled him with a glare.

This was a losing battle, wasn’t it? Jason went to sit on the swing. “I’ll stay.” they were probably going to leave this universe soon anyway. 

He heard their footsteps leave the cave, and the sound of the batmobile driving off. 

He knew Alfred sat down next to him, but he didn’t look. They watched the news play from the batcomputer. They watched as Robin led groups of classes out of the school. And then they couldn’t see the little boy dressed in traffic colors. 

Alfred grasped his hand

They couldn’t see Batman, or Bruce and Dick enter the building, but he knew more groups of kids were making their way out of the building. 

Jason leaned his head against Alfred’s shoulder, as they saw Batman rush out of the roof of the school with a bundle of yellow cradled to his chest. They watched as he grappled away. 

Alfred went to prep the Medbay, while Jason knew where this was headed. 

So he started collecting their things. Which, throughout their journey had dwindled down to very few things. Jason’s leather jacket. Dick’s phone. Bruce’s wallet. He also gathered some things he thought they would need. The list they made of each universe they’d been to. A copy of the blueprints of the beacon. He had to wander around to find the hidden weapon racks, but he stocked up on shurikens, and grabbed a pair of escrima sticks for Dick. stuffing them in various pockets of his leather jacket.

The engine of the Batmobile sounded through the cave, and before they heard the breaks of the car, they heard the doors swinging open. 

And screaming. Blood curdling screams, but it wasn’t coming from Jay. Jason made his way to the batmobile, to find older Bruce sitting with his head against the wheel while Dick held a squirming Damian while sitting in the passenger seat.

“ AKHI! AKHI!! I WANT MY AKHI!”  

  Dick was attempting to rock Damian, lightly hushing him, but it wasn’t working.

“ Damian .” Bruce said it in a tone that was stern, yet soft. “Damian, your brother is really hurt right now. I know you want to see him, but your father and Alfred are working hard on trying to make him feel better.”

“B-but I want Jay-Akhi !” Damian squirmed again, but with significantly less effort.

They heard the doors to the cave fling open, as heels clacked against the stairs, and then across the floor. There was also the squeak of sneakers, 

“Doctor Tompkins, the medbay,” Talia made her way to the batmobile, scooped Damian out of Dick’s arms and made her way over to the swing, setting Damian down, holding his face with both her hand, wiping away his tears, speaking in Arabic “Habibi, I am going to help with Jay-Akhi. Big Jay and Dickie will stay with you here, ok?”

“Is Jay-Akhi gonna be ok?”

“We will see.” Talia placed a kiss on Damian’s forehead, and motioned for older Bruce to follow her.

Jason moved to the batcomputer to play music to distract the boy. There was already a playlist for the boy, filled with mostly lullabies and slower Disney songs. He hit shuffle, and the first song was ‘Ma Belle, Evangeline’ from Princess and the Frog.

Dick sat down next to Damian, as Damian rested his head on Dick’s chest. He held the kid close, and rested his head on top of Damian’s. 

The kid had a far off look in his eyes. Like he wasn’t really there with them. It was a look he saw in so many of the kids on the streets of crime alley. He wondered if he had that look when Bruce found him. If he thought being Robin would fix it in the same way it seemed to fix Dick. Being Robin never really fixed any of them though. It just gave them something else to focus on.

Jason grabbed a sticky note that was next to the batcomputer, and wrote Damian’s disassociating. Make sure he has someone to talk to. If not a league therapist, Elaine Thomas is a good option in Gotham. She’s also the mother of a kid you foster in the future. ~JTW

Jason went to sit on the opposite side of Damian, lightly rocking the swing with his foot. Thinking for a moment before asking in French, “ What happened?” Jason was 80 percent sure Damian wasn’t paying attention, but he didn’t want to accidentally trigger him. 

Their Damian knew French, and this Damian was probably multilingual, but Jason was certain it was just the main languages spoken in the house. English, Arabic, Spanish, and Romanian.

“ The rest of the class was already out. The… monster made him watch as he beat robin with a crowbar. It was a trap.”

Jason frowned, “How did he know?”

“I don’t know. But he also knew about the lamb.”

Jason stilled. Was the Joker traveling from universe to universe with them? No, because he killed that version. 

The heart monitor let out a high pitched whine. Jay was flatlining. Dick looked back to Damian who didn’t have any reaction to the noise. “The crazy man split open his skull and he made him watch.”

Jason leaned his head on Dick’s shoulder. “Talia’s going to kill him.”

“I know.”  

The lights to the batcave seemed to get brighter and brighter. Until they were gone.

Notes:

Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while, my semester started up again, and for some reason this chapter was so hard to write even though there were no fight scenes or anything like that.

Jason throughout this entire chapter narrowly avoiding panic attacks left and right
Everyone can see that Jason is visibly on edge
Jason: Why are you guys looking at me, I'm fine

And BABY DAMIAN!!! I... accidentally traumatized him. I apologize for that. But it was bound to happen. Him and Little Jay can make Bruce do anything, but Talia and Alfred stop that from happening

speaking of Talia, after learning more about her since my last fic, I am push more 'good mother Talia' because the reason she's been turned into a shit character is because of racism and Islamphobia. But I also thought I was making her a bit too Domestic to the point where she was almost ooc, so I made her CEO of Wayne Enterprises. (Talia Al Ghul and Janet Drake, both powerful women who are CEO of their husbands companies)

Yes, Damian was talking about WIld Kratts during the dinner scene, and you can not convince me that it wouldn't have been his favorite show if he had a childhood.

and then there was Dick and Jason this entire chapter
Dick, looking at Jason intensely
Jason: Oh shit, what did I do?
Dick, internally: my little brother, why did you almost die again? you're not allowed to die again
Jason: Must hate my guts.
Jason really is just Goob.

Jason can read people fairly well, but he can only figure out if someone's upset, not what they're upset about.

I did want to have Jason go with Bruce and Bruce and Dick to the Elementary school, but I realized when I got to Dick and Jason's 'Argument' that I didn't have it in me to write about Jay getting hit so hard with a crowbar to the point you could probably see brains

Anywho, I hope you enjoyed

Chapter 8: Death in the Family

Summary:

Tis but a silly little chapter that I felt like writing. Kinda short, kinda sweet.

Notes:

title from... you guys know where its from :)
Technically, this chapter doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but I just wanted to add it

 

They appeared on a bench in a mall that looked like it came straight out of Stranger Things. It wasn’t abandoned or anything, it just looked very 80’s. There were way too many mullets, Shoulder-pads, and he was blinded by the bright colors. 

Dick and Jason immediately looked at each other, and said, “You’ll fit in perfectly– what? Me? Stop!” 

“Dick, you literally did the deep V and the Neon button ups–”

“You went from 80’s prep- with high waisted jeans and the sweaters over collared shirts– to Grease–”

“That’s from the late 70’s you dolt, and you did the black leather Jacket look first, and–”

“You’ve never had an original outfit in both of your lives.”

Jason went quiet as he waited for Dick to realize he just proved his point, but Dick’s face contorted like he said something wrong.

Both of your lives . Jason snickered, of course Dick would feel like he struck a nerve saying that. “Yeah, I haven’t. I usually copied you and Bruce.”

Dick blinked as he connected the dots, “Go fuck yourself.”

Jason turned to Bruce, “Bruce, Dick said a bad word.”

Bruce moved to sit in between Jason and Dick, and searched the crowd, “We are in the 80s. Not some sort of recreational area.”

Dick rolled his eyes, “Holy brand new vintage mall, Batman”

Bruce gave Dick a look, “I was just implying that there is no way Jason could’ve been born yet.”

Jason sat on his hands pitched his voice up, trying to emulate his younger self the best he could, “Golly gee, Old Man, you mean I’m not ancient like you? Tell me more.”

Dick snorted, but then cleared his throat, “I mean, we all could’ve just been born earlier in this Universe.”

Jason hummed, “I don’t think this world is similar to ours. The energy feels off.”

Dick groaned, “What is it this time? Are there vampires? Or everyone can turn into some type of monster or–”

“The energy feels off because there isn’t any magic. Like at all…” Jason squinted across the mall. “That might be something.” He pointed to the store with a cardboard cutout of Superman, Batman, and some Red Masked dude with black netting.

The three of them made their way to the… comic book store. Which was almost completely covered in comics– Batman plastered across the cover, along with a kid in Robin colors looking like someone had said something out of pocket. 

“Isn’t Tim’s cape supposed to be black on the outside?” 

Bruce picked the comic up, frowning as he handed the comic to Jason, “I think it’s supposed to be you.”

Jason looked at the back of his hand and then back to the kid on the cover, “Ain’t no way. That child is reflective . It has to be Tim.”

Dick looked over Bruce’s shoulder, “I dunno, he does have your hair loopies. Also, it says, Robin finds his mother, and waiting is the Joker, planning a revenge that is swift, violent, terrible. Can Robin survive? You–” Dick grabbed the comic and flipped to the last page where there was a black and white image of Batman holding Robin, “...What the actual– They voted.”

But Jason wasn’t really paying attention to that page, his eyes were focused on the page before– Batman in a truck, with the word JASON big, red, and bold.

Jason took the comic from Dick and started flipping through, realizing that it was panel for panel what happened. “This is disgusting.”

Dick nodded, “Who votes for a child to–”

“They made me white!”

Dick gave Jason an incredulous look, “ Die . Who votes for a child to die. ”

Jason shrugged, and showed Dick a panel that featured poser Jason with a pair of binoculars in his hands, “Eh… That does not look like a 15 year old. Those premature wrinkles… not a good look.” 

Bruce let out an exasperated sigh, “Jason, don’t talk about yourself that way.”

“Myself? That child is not me. That child is not a child, and is clearly white. In fact–” Jason pointed at the white man on the page, and snickered, “That looks like the face of a future mass murderer. Besides,” Jason picked up another comic with White Jason bleeding from his nose, seemingly going out in an explosion, “He obviously got voted off the island.”

The twin unimpressed looks on Bruce and Dick’s face was absolutely worth it.

 Jason looked around for the first book in the four parter, and started walking to the cashier, when Bruce stopped him. “What are you doing?”

“Grabbing mementoes.”

“Oh yeah?” Bruce raised an eyebrow, “With what money?”

“I do have cash on me. It’s just fun mooching off of ya.” Jason frowned, to help him feign ignorance, “Did you forget your wallet?”

Bruce grunted his, you caught me but I’m not going to admit I am wrong grunt.

“It’s ok, if we really need to, we can disassemble Dick’s phone and pawn it for parts.” Dick started patting his pockets, and Jason had to hold back his smirk, “You forgot your phone too?”

Dick groaned, “Why must the Multiverse hate us? I even took some really cute videos of baby Damian and… Jay.”

It’s not fair that Dick went all melancholy. Now Jason has to give his phone back. “You really should stop taking pictures of the younger versions of us.” He pulled out Dick’s phone and handed it to him, “Don’t you already have pictures of us?”

“Not of Damian and Tim at the age we saw them. And not with you.”

“Hm…”Jason pulled out Bruce’s wallet, and handed it to him, “Maybe when we get back, I should ask Talia if she has any.” Jason then pulled out a five dollar bill from his pocket and went to pay. 

Now, usually, Jason isn’t much of a comic book reader, but he had to buy this comic of the white man who was supposedly 15 and had the same name as him. It was just too funny. He turned back to Dick and Bruce, “I’m gonna frame this– Actually, no, I’m gonna photocopy each page and cover up the glass case with it. Maybe I’ll ask Damian to give ‘Jason’ some melanin.”

Someone walked up to them, “Are you guys talking about Jason Todd? Man, I hate him. I’m glad he died.”

If Jason had been drinking water, he would’ve done a spit take. That was blunt. 

Dick and Bruce on the other hand were glowering. He could practically see Dick repeating, Don’t punch him, Don’t punch him, Don’t punch him over and over again.

The dude was lanky, with angular features and greasy brown hair that was unkempt. 

“Excuse me?” The incredulity on Bruce’s face wouldn’t be visible to the dude, but it was loud and clear to Jason.

“For starters, he isn’t Dick Grayson. There’s only one Robin and it’s him. Jason Todd is just a knockoff.” 

Usually he would think this was hilarious– this dude didn’t even know he was talking to the ‘characters’ he was ranting about, but something about the dude made his gut twist in a way that screams danger.

“Jason Todd is not a knockoff . He took Robin, and made it into his own thing. He made it a legacy.” Dicks’ smile was tight as he said it. The way it was during Galas and someone had said something particularly racist. “Plus, Dick Grayson couldn’t be Robin forever. He had to grow into his own person and out of Batman’s shadow.”

“Sure, yeah, I like how they made Nightwing the leader of the Titans. Still doesn’t mean that Jason Todd’s a good Robin. How can you make a criminal a hero? I don’t know what Batman was thinking by giving that kid a chance. He found the kid boosting tires. He should’ve gone to juvie.” 

Now this was just getting kinda awkward. Actually, Kinda offensive. Very offensive.

“Batman believes in reform.” Bruce grunted, “Though, you are forgetting he was homeless at the time and that was his only source of income. ”

“Being Robin didn’t reform the kid.” The confusion on Jason and Dick’s face must’ve been obvious because the man continued, “Issue 424. They turned Robin into a murderer. I mean, I know it was supposed to be up for interpretation, but he obviously pushed Garzonas. Dick Grayson would never .”

This… really wasn’t funny.

Dick narrowed his eyes, “That’s because he watched his parents fall to their death. Also, did Robin really push him?” Dick directed that last part at Jason.

Crazy how things from the past that seemed miniscule are suddenly being brought up on this life altering trip around the multiverse. “I personally think that he didn’t. Garzonas was close to the edge and he was drunk. Robin was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m sure if Batman had landed first, Garzonas still would’ve toppled over.”

The dude huffed a laugh that felt eerily familiar, but in a bad way. “Still, Batman, or Nightwing would’ve tried to save him. Robin did not. And I still think he pushed her.”

“Your argument doesn’t make sense.” Bruce tilted his head, “You want Jason Todd dead for stealing tires and potentially killing someone, yet, you think Garzonas should’ve been saved? He kidnapped and sexually assaulted a woman, then continued to harass her, to the point where she felt the need to commit suicide.”

“I didn’t say that . I just don’t like the kid. I kinda wish Starlin went through with giving him AIDS, but oh well, this works too.” The dude shrugged and put his hand on Jason’s shoulder. “Jason Todd’s just a piece of shit from a street corner. He was gonna die either way.”

There was the slightest shift in Dick’s body weight. In one swift move, Jason shrugged off the dude and grabbed Dick’s wrist before he could punch the dude.

They didn’t need to get arrested on account of assault.

What Jason didn’t expect was for the sound of skin meeting skin. Or Bruce looming over the dude, whose nose was now bleeding.

The dude barked out a laugh, as he wiped his nose, “The name’s Jack.” He grinned. He grinned in a way that was too…deranged to just be friendly. “ Jack White. ”

Then everything brightened to white.

Notes:

teeheheheheheeeee.
The Joker isn't actually following them through the multiverse, he's just hyperaware of the fact that he's just a character
I will say this till the day I die, DICK AND JASON ARE BROTHERS. As a middle child in a multi-sibling household, I know that I fight more with the siblings I'm closer in age with, but I also get along with them much much better than the ones I have bigger age gaps with.
and making fun of my dad is something I do with my brother, so....idk, just sibling shinnannigans.
The reason Bruce was kinda just stating the obvious is because he actually watched the Last Jason die, so he's kinda out of it.
Jason is being super silly because he's close to his breaking point and is using humor to cope.
Dick... is somewhere in between.
anywho, I hope you liked this one :)

Chapter 9: Epitaph of Seikilos

Summary:

Basically my take on Dark Knights of Steel lmao

Notes:

No clue who the author of the poem is tho bc it's from 1st Century Greece

Currently, they were standing in front of a Palace. And they were definitely sent back to Medieval times, but not really because the clothing didn’t really match up with the architecture, and the weapons.

Oh, there was also a strong sense of magic, so probably more Dungeons and Dragons vibes. Sick.

Dick took a couple breaths, clenching his fists and releasing them. “Our money’s gonna be useless here. And we should probably get different clothes so we blend in more, but we can’t get those things because we don’t have money.”

So they were going to ignore the fact that the cashier’s name was Jack White. Like… Jack Oswald White. Like the Joker. 

To be fair, Jack White is a common name. Jason tucked the comic books into a hidden pocket in his jacket, “We should go deeper into town.”

“But this universe’s Bruce is probably in the Castle.”

“It’s a Palace. Castles have defense structures. We can collect gossip from the maids.” 

Dick raised an eyebrow, “Gossip?”

“Yeah. How else are we supposed to get information on the Royal family? Use a computer?” 

 

So they went deeper into the kingdom, sticking to the shadows, and listening to people. 

Kal-El was the current King, but before that it was Jor-El, and before that it was Thomas Wayne. Bruce still has prince status, but he– he didn’t abdicate his claim to the throne, because he was fourth in line– Clark, Kon, Jon, and then Bruce, but Something something, the Els were gods, better if they had the throne, blah blah blah. So it was more like the Els were ruling because the people thought very highly of them. 

Dick frowned, “Does that mean he’s Uncle Kal, not Uncle Clark?”

“Just call him, your Majesty .”

The Els practically adopted Bruce after Martha and Thomas died, which made all three of them frown, because what about Alfred? There was something about all the Robins– guess there weren’t secret identities here either– being back together in the palace for the first time in a while . That also implied that Royal Bruce had already adopted all– if not most–of them.

Jason snorted, “Dick, do you think you go by Knightwing?”

“I’m pretty sure we all just go by Rob– Oh fuck you.”

Apparently, Dick was usually traveling around, helping whoever needed help along the way. Cass was in Themyscira, (Which, lucky Jason wishes he could go to Themyscira) but came back that morning, with Diana. Tim had been undercover in an enemy kingdom. Damian and Duke had been staying at the palace.

Then, Jason felt an energy. It wasn’t a bad energy, like an Untitled or a bad vibe from someone. No. It actually felt really familiar. 

He could feel the energy calling to him. Not luring him in a malicious way, but in a guiding way. He knew it was his energy, but it felt so much stronger. It was so much stronger than his own. 

They came to a courtyard, where Steph and Cass were sparring with each other, Jon and Damian were seated in front of Dick as he did some flips, Tim and Kon were climbing a tree, and Duke and Jay were sat crisscrossed in a corner with blindfolds over their eyes. Though, Jay was grinning while Duke was frowning.

“ Jason… I’m tired of this.” Duke whined. He was really young. Maybe, 9? “Aren’t you supposed to be teaching me?”

“I can not teach you, only guide.” Jay backhanded Duke.

“ Ow! What was that for? ”

“I am trying to guide you through foresight. Obviously, you didn’t see that coming.” Duke tried to hit Jay back, but Jay shifted just out of the way so he wouldn’t get hit, “I saw that coming days ago.”

Duke straightened a bit, “Really?”

“No, it was just predictable. I can only see bigger things, remember?”

Dick (his brother) immediately turned to him from where they were hiding, and whispered “Can you read the future?” 

Jason made a so-so gesture, “Not often.”

Dick frowned and looked like he was going to say something, when Cass stopped sparring and looked straight at them.

“Hold it Cass, it’s part of Duke’s training.” Jay also turned to face Jason, even though he had his blindfold, and grinned, “Alright, Duke. Your way of seeing into the future is different from mine. The way I can do it is through space, and astral projection. Your powers work by…” Jason trailed off so that Duke could finish the sentence.

“Changing light.” Duke chewed at the side of his cheek, “But how does that relate to me being able to see into the future?”

Jay took off his blindfold, “There was light yesterday, there is light today, there will be light tomorrow.”

“I hate it when you speak all cryptic.” Duke huffed and crossed his arms. “You’re like an old man trapped inside– Oh! Oh! Wait! You mean I can see the light of tomorrow, today!”

“Or, like, a couple seconds from now, right now , but yes.” 

“Then why am I wearing a blindfold?” Jay let out a snort, while Duke ripped off his blindfold and swatted Jay with it, “You’re an a–” Duke cut himself off as his eyes flashed golden, and turned to face Jason, Dick, and Bruce.

Jason raised his hands and entered the courtyard, “Hello. We come from a different world, by the way. It’s kinda in the future, but it’s not this future…” He looked over to Jay, “Was that our cue? We didn’t really have time to plan this all out.” 

“Yup. You guys are right on time.” Something… resigned flashed over Jay’s face, though was quickly covered up with a welcoming smile. 

Cass to Jay worry clear on her face, “There’s that look again.”

“I’ve got all kinds of looks.” Jay made a silly face, but immediately stopped when Cass gave him a don’t do that look. “Don’t worry. If it was important, I’d tell you.”

Cass visibly softened for a second, before placing her hand on her hips, “You better.”

Jay looked at his brother Dick, “I already told Bruce and Uncle Kal that we’d have guests.” 

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“That’s because you’re here right now. And you know Bruce would probably put them in the dungeon if I didn’t warn him beforehand.”

“I’ll put you in the dungeon.”

Jay opened his mouth like he was about to shout something, but Dick quickly covered it with his hand. Jay then bit Dick’s hand, “I wasn’t even going to tattle.”

Cass snickered, “Lies.”

Jay gasped, “You’re supposed to take my side. I’ve known you for longer.”

“Quality over quantity.” Cass shrugged. Though, she was smiling in a playful way.

“Wait, how long have you guys known each other?”

Jay threw an arm over Cass’s shoulder, “Since birth. We’re practically twins.”

“We’re not twins. I’m older.” Cass shoved Jay away, but then frowned, “Are we not close in your world?”

Honestly, Jason was surprised they were in this one.

…It was probably because Jay didn’t kill. That always seemed to be the main issue between Jason and his Cass. Initially, Cass absolutely despised Jason for killing. If anything, her lines were even harsher than Bruce’s when it came to that, and because Jason knew she hated him for killing, he just… stayed away. 

Then, one night after patrol, he walked into his safehouse to see her waiting for him. She told him why she didn’t kill. How she saw every life as valuable. She asked him why he killed. 

At first he said because the people he killed deserved it. And that he didn’t think the same way as Cass did. That some people deserve to die because they are scum.

But she didn’t believe it. Because she said that she saw him seconds before Jason had killed someone. She said his body language looked like he was convincing himself to kill. So she asked him again, why did he kill?

He had to think about it for a moment, but eventually he said ‘Because the people I kill have made victims. And those victims deserve peace. Peace that I can give them.’  

Then she nodded, and looked at him like she was looking through his soul, ‘Because you haven’t been given that peace.’ And then she just left.

Since then, it’s been better between the two of them, but Cass was still the person he got along with the least out of the whole…team. And Jason didn’t get along with a lot of them. There was Tim– which he seemed really close with in the fourth universe, and the Wings universe. He didn’t really get along with Damian– but the kid seemed to adore him in the last universe. Even Dick seemed a lot closer to Jason in the Wings universe. Maybe if he had never died he wouldn’t be alone.

“Um… no, but I haven’t known you since birth. With time we’ve gotten closer.” Which, technically was true, but it was a half lie.

If Cass picked up on it she chose not to say anything.

“Well that sucks. Anywho, I wanna talk to Giant Jason.” Jay grabbed his hand and dragged Jason out of the courtyard, out of earshot from everyone else. 

“Won’t the Kryptonians still be able to hear us?”

“Kon and Jon’s powers haven’t come in yet. And Uncle Kal won’t eavesdrop unless we shout.” Long gone was the Jay who was happy and joking around with his siblings, as he pressed a palm to Jason’s sternum and closed his eyes. “Ok, good. You’re also a master of the All-Blades. Yours are a lot more powerful than mine.” he could see relief flood into Jay.

“Kid, I’m pretty sure you’re a lot more skilled than I am.” Obviously if he was helping Duke with his precognition, Jay looked at All –the past, present, and future– better than Jason was. And he was pretty sure that Jay astral projected for Jason to find him.

Jay shook his head with a smile that made him look much older than he actually was, “You have a lot more soul than I do. Kinda like you have two.” they started walking farther away from the courtyard, “Have you seen what happens next?”

Jason scratched the back of his neck, “Um, no. I only look at All when I have a chance to sit down and meditate." He doesn’t do it often. It makes him a bit unhinged for the next couple weeks after he does it. The last time he looked at All had been right after Bruce’s disappearance, and he almost killed Tim and Damian. Jason may be the lone human able to master the art without going insane, but… he kinda does, every time he tries.

“A group of Untitleds are going to invade the palace looking for Duke in fifteen minutes. It’s too much for me to take on.” 

Jason almost stopped in his tracks, does he know he dies? “I’ll fight beside you. Should we get Duke someplace safe? All of your siblings, actually.”

Jay’s eyes darted around the room, probably looking at all possibilities, “No. They’ll be safest where they are. The Untitled will appear at the Eastern entrance. We’ll get to them before the alarm sounds, and then they’ll come rushing, which will give us enough time to slay most of them.”

Jason nodded, as they continued to speed off in silence. “So, if you knew Cass from birth, but you also have trained with the All-Caste… What's the timeline?” It was meant as a distraction, but also, Jason was really just curious.

“My father was a mercenary, and he learned from Lady Shiva. So I knew Cass from when I was younger, but it was more like we were acquaintances. After my father died, Essence found me and brought me to the Acres of All and I was there for two normal years. I left once for a.. It wasn’t a mission, because I was nine, but Ducra sent me out to get familiar with the feel of magic outside of the Acres of All. I found Cass on the run, and I decided to stick with her. I’m sure Ducra knew this would happen. 

"We were on the streets together for three years. We also met Duke out there during our later years. We were kinda a little family of our own. Bruce caught me stealing from him, Cass helped me get away. Then Bruce found us helping people out of a burning building and decided to take us in. I go back to the Acres of All every once in a while, but usually I stick to home base. What about you?” 

They had gotten to a set of double doors, so Jason assumed they were at the Eastern entrance. “Hmm, well, I was also living on the streets by the time I was nine. Bruce also caught me stealing from him, but took me in after I helped him stop crime school. I think my Papi also knew Lady Shiva, but I didn’t know he knew her until I was 15. Then I died, but I came back to life. Talia brought me to the Ducra, and I learned under her for six normal months, but then I–” Ice slid down his spine, making the hairs on his arm stand up and his stomach twist. 

They both summoned their blades.

And the doors opened.

And they attacked

There was something so oddly natural about fighting alongside this version of himself. It felt almost as natural as fighting alongside Bruce.

 It could just be because Jay knew how Jason fought because he saw All and, despite this version of him being from a universe that was vastly different from his own, Jason still knew how he fought. The blend of a martial stance and a street brawl stance. The combination of flashy acrobatics he’d learned from Dick and the practical dodges and rolls. The mix of the analytical eye from Bruce and the intuition he had gained over the years.

“ Where is the son of Gnomon?” the Untitled hissed in unison.

Jason landed a kick on top of an Untitled’s knee, launching himself up to get a good opening for a stab, “An Omen? Didn’t realize omens could have children.” Obviously, Jason knew who Gnomon was. He remembers Duke, pft, duking it out with him a while ago. 

But this Duke was still young. And if these things kept coming after him… he needed someone to protect him. And yeah, they had Superman, but Superman and magic don’t mix.

Jay needed to stay alive . 

Jason jumped on the Untitled Jay was currently fighting and sunk his blades into its shoulders, catching a glance at Jay.

He– he was translucent. Which was not good. “Kid, take a breather!”

Jason was sure he could take the rest of the Untitled. There were only five left. He could take them. Jason could take them. Duke needed Jay. Jason could take them. 

He willed the blades to change form– into knives– and threw them, hitting one in the ear and one in the heart. 

Jay’s eyes widened like he realized something and whipped his head around to the door, where the rest of his family were prepped with swords and armor, rushing out to help. Jay turned back and narrowed his eyes at the Untitled in front of him. 

“Jay! Stop! I’ve got them!”

There were three Untitled left. Two near Jason, but he wouldn’t be able to get to the last one. Not while fighting these two. Not before Jay.

Jason summoned his blades back to his hands and he slashed an Untitled across the thigh.

Jay closed his eyes, and took a deep breath, before gripping his swords harder. “It’s me or my family. I can’t have that happen.” He looked back and locked eyes with Duke, “ Shine for as long as you live, Don’t be sad about anything,” Jay looked away and lifted his chin towards the Untitled, “For life is short, And time will demand its due.” Then he charged.

And as Jay’s blade sunk into the heart of the Untitled, the blade started to dim until it evaporated into thin air. And then his hand faded away, followed by his arm, then head, then chest, until nothing was left.

Jason slit the neck of the last Untitled.

The silence.

The silence felt too loud. 

Until, “Where’d– where’d Jason go?” From Stephanie, voice wavering.

Duke frowned, eyes glowing golden, “What are you talking about? He’s right there!”

Tim blinked a couple times, but it didn’t cover the fact that his eyes were glossy, “Duke–”

“He’s right there! I can see him! Cass, you can see him, right?” Duke looked to the spot Jay used to be in back to Cass, “Cass?”

Cass looked at the spot Jay had disappeared from and shook her head no , once. Then twice. Her blank expression crumpled into pure grief as she fled back into the Palace.

“No!” Duke glared at everyone, “He’s right there! I can see him! Why can’t you guys see him ?” His eyes flickered from gold to brown, back to gold then back to brown, leaving the kid confused, “He’s– he was– he was right there!” He closed his eyes tight , and then opened them, “He was right there ! Where’d he go? Jason? Jason!” He ran over to where Jay was last standing, “JASON!!! ” Duke spun around in a circle trying to figure out where Jay went, but he couldn’t find him. He couldn’t find him.

Duke balled his hands into fists as his breathing began to speed up.

Then–an ear piercing scream.

And everything around them got brighter and brighter and brighter. They couldn’t tell what was Duke’s doing, but they also knew it was time to leave.

Notes:

DUKEEEE, He's one of my favorites. This chapter was supposed to be mainly Duke and Jason centric, but Cass accidently stole the Show, which I'm happy with.
im making these notes short because I wanna go to bed.
gn
i hope you enjoyed :)

Chapter 10: Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

Summary:

No Capes!! ~Edna Mode (Aka, the no capes AU)

Notes:

Chapter title is from 'Do Not Stand at my Grave and weep' by Mary Elizabeth Frye

btw HammyMammySaladdressing, this chapter is for you :)

They spent the next couple of realities kind of… drifting. 

They spent the first couple universes mainly in hotel rooms or abandoned apartments, because Jason was tired . Using his All-Blades to almost his limit twice in one week, along with being pinballed around the multiverse was exhausting. 

Though eventually they went back to watching different Jasons die.

There were different Robins killed by different rogues– Scarecrow's goons giving him multiple doses of fear toxin. Ivy’s plants throwing him into a building too hard. Another Jacicle, this time a courtesy of Mr. Freeze.  

Then there was the reality where Jason got killed by the Joker in that one warehouse alone. Then the Jason , who got killed by the Joker at Amusement Mile. And the Jason who was captured in Arkham Asylum and apparently brainwashed and then he died. And then– there were a lot of Jasons killed by the Joker. 

They couldn’t do anything about the Jason who dropped dead on the streets. He couldn’t find clean water for a week, because of a rogue attack on the plumbing. (When that had happened to him there had been a convenience store owner who was kind enough to spot him and give him a spare water bottle. The owner stuck with him and made sure he sipped slowly.)

There was also the Jason who died caught up in a gang war. And the one who got shot by a cop. Gotta love the GCPD, (Commissioner Gordon is the exception.) 

What really sucks is that they’ve learned that no matter how hard they try, Jason is still going to die. They’ve tried keeping Jason at the manor. They’ve tried keeping him out of the way from rogues, they’ve tried tying up the Joker before he could get to Jay, but he keeps on dying .

Honestly it’s starting to get annoying. Is Jason following the three Ds– Disassociation, Derealization, and Death-Jokes– to stay sane? Obviously. You can only watch yourself die so many times until the voice of the Anti Monitor that says, “Incongruities must be purged” gets too loud and you start thinking, Huh, maybe being purged isn’t such a bad idea .

But honestly, the worst part about this is that none of the Jasons have been older than 15. At least they could bump it up a number. 

They also were never in a place long enough to actually start on the beacon prototype. So that sucked even more.

 

Until they landed in the Universe they were currently in. They landed just outside of the Manor’s Ballroom which was currently filled with people dressed in black tie attire.

On the stage, there was a banner that read: 30th Annual Wayne Foundation Charity Gala. There were three large tables closest to the stage, on the left seated Bruce, Talia, Damian, Baby Jon in a highchair, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Diana Prince, and Alfred 

On the right, seated Leslie Thompkins, Commissioner Gordon, Elaine and Doug Thomas, Crystal Brown, Oliver Queen, Dinah Lance, and a man Jason has never seen in his life.

And the middle table held the rest of them. Barbra, Roy, Dick, Cass, Jason, Stephanie, Tim, and Duke.

Yet, despite the supposedly very magical presence of One Wonder Woman, and Talia (and Superman and Duke he supposes) it didn’t feel like there was any magic at all. Zero, zilch, nada.

Jason turned to Bruce, “I don’t think Uncle Clark and Aunt Diana are superheroes here.”

“I don’t think any of us are.” Dick was analyzing each of them closely, until his eyes blew wide, and he started  smacking both Bruce and Jason’s shoulder, “The Man sitting next to Oliver is Béla Károlyi. As in the Olympic level gymnastics coach.” Just as he said that, alternate reality Dick leaned back, seemingly saying something to Mr. Károlyi which made the man laugh, causing his brother’s jaw to drop.

Jason looked back to all of the tables, realizing that everyone looked so much… happier. So much lighter. He felt a smile creep onto his face, “Ya know, in all of the other Universes, I died either on the streets or because I was Robin. I have a pretty good feeling about this one.” 

Bruce looked like he was about to say something when the lights started to dim, and a projector was rolled out.

The screen opened up to an eight year old Dickie in a booster seat, holding Zitka in his arms. The camera quality showed it was from the early 2000s, which, yeah, considering if Dick was eight, it was probably 2002? There was a symphony of awws that went around the room as Alternate Reality Dick rolled his eyes, but sent a smile towards his Bruce.

The video continued to show clips of Bruce taking Dickie to visit Haly’s circus, probably for the first time since Bruce took him in.

Bruce turned to Dick with a raised eyebrow, “Remember how I had to practically pry you from Zitka when it was time to leave?”

Dick snorted, “I remember her smacking you with her trunk. Haly was really concerned, but I knew you were fine.”

“Because I’m Batman?”

“Because you’re Batman.” 

Then there was a video of Dickie and Bruce at a playground, where Bruce is struggling to squeeze down a tube slide. Alfred and Dickie dusting the chandeliers together– except Alfred was on a ladder, and Dick was hanging off of something. There were more pictures– a couple with Dick in a leotard and sweats with several gold medals around his neck, while he and Bruce ate ice cream– but mostly they were just of Dickie being a kid. In front of the school building, rolling out cookie dough with Alfred, up in a tree, that sorta thing. 

There was also a video of Dickie watching the Olympics, and watching the male Olympians do the Vault. He looked into the camera “Please, I can do better than that.”

The audience erupted into cheers, as Mr. Károlyi reached over and patted Dick’s shoulder.

Until there was a video of a maybe four year old Cass hiding behind Talia’s leg. 

“Hi, my name’s Dick.”

Talia gave Dickie a soft smile, “This is Cass. She can be a little shy sometimes.”

“ That’s ok. Bruce was a little shy at first too. Look at him now.” Dickie peered around Talia to get a better look, “Hi Cass, I can’t wait to get to know you.”

Alternate reality Cass was covering her face with her hands as another round of awws circled the room, but Dick leaned in to whisper something into her ear which made her look up and smile at him.

There were a lot more pictures of Talia, Cass, and Dickie doing things together. Like Cass painting Dickie’s nails, Dickie teaching Cass how to tumble, and a picture of Cass and Dickie standing side by side, backpacks on, holding signs that said KTG and 5th on it. There was also a really cute video of Dickie and Cass setting up a date night for Bruce and Talia. 

Then there was a video of maybe a six year old Cass holding hands with a toddler in the middle of a Gala. 

“Whatcha got there Cass?” It was a young voice, so he assumed it was Dickie behind the camera.

“A baby brother.” 

“I’m Tim! Where do you live?”

The room erupted into howls as alternate reality Tim lowered his head so he could no longer see the screen. 

Dick turned to Jason, “Guess the stalker tendencies started young.”

From then on, there were a lot of photos and videos that included Tim and Cass in the middle of shenanigans together. Cass putting lotion in Tim’s hair, Cass putting makeup on Tim, both of them racing those little electric cars down the giant manor driveway. Bruce teaching Cass how to ride a bike, with Talia and Dickie cheering her on in the background. Videos of Cass dancing balletT

There was also a picture that looked like it was from Thanksgiving, with Alfred, Bruce, Talia, Dickie, Cass, Tim, Jack and Janet Drake, Uncle Clark, Ma and Pa Kent and Aunt Diana. So Bruce and Dick probably just babysat Tim a lot. 

Then there was a video of a very large backyard wedding– It looked like a fusion wedding. Yeah, the closeups of Talia showed henna decorating her arms.

“You know your name’s hidden in the design.” 

“I already found it.” Bruce grinned at Talia, and placed a finger right below her ring knuckle, “Right here.”

“You know they say it is a sign of good luck if the groom finds his name faster.”

Bruce kissed Talia’s forehead, “We don’t need luck, but I’ll take it. Now where are my shoes?”

Talia laughed, “Well, Beloved, Dick is going to have to find them. If not, you have to pay Cass to get them back.”

“Dick can’t even find his own shoes half the time.”

“Well, you’re a billionaire for a reason.”

There was also a video of Ra’s and Bruce dancing bhangra together, which honestly wasn’t bad at all.

The next picture was of a 14 year old Dickie, and an eight year old Cass, with Talia, Bruce and Alfred in the courthouse holding up adoption papers.

There were a couple of photos of the five of them at Disney World. Then some more Thanksgiving photos, this time, Janet Drake wasn’t there, but Jack was. Except he was in a wheelchair. There were more photos and videos from throughout the year. Like Cass and Dick’s Birthdays, Mothers and Fathers day, and then Tim’s 6th birthday.

It looked like a really small thing, and Jack wasn’t there. Then Bruce handed him a gift wrapped rectangle. “Happy Birthday, Tim. I know it hasn’t been the best year, but hopefully the next one is better.”

Tim took the gift with a tiny smile, and unwrapped it. “A camera!! I love it! I love it! I love it! I’m going to take a picture of all of us right now!” Tim frowned at the buttons, “How do I take the picture?”

There were giggles that went around the room as the slideshow continued, now with a lot more photos of Bruce and Alfred compared to before. There was a video of Dickie holding both of Tim’s hands while Tim balanced on a skateboard. A video of Cass teaching Tim and Dickie her Ballet routine, and a really nice picture of Dickie in the middle of a corkscrew flip. 

Then it cut to a video of Cass and Dickie teasing Tim in the living room.

“I’m not scared. It’s just a movie.” That being said, Tim was currently hiding in Bruce’s arms, so he definitely was scared.

“We can turn it off if you would like us to, Tim.”

“I’m not scared! I am six years old. I’m not a baby. I hate being the youngest.”

The camera panned to Talia, “Well…you don’t have to be the youngest anymore. I’m going to have a baby.”  

Tim’s eyes widened, and then he rolled his eyes. “Finally.”

The next couple of videos and photos were of Dick, Cass, and Tim painting the nursery– Jason totally forgot the manor had a nursery– yellow and green while Alfred and Bruce assembled a crib. There was a video from the Baby Shower where everyone was putting bangles on Talia’s arms, along with feeding her sweets. 

The next video was of all six of them in the nursery with a giant whiteboard, where Bruce  tapped it with a dry erase marker, “Alright, what should we name this kid?”  

Tim jumped up and down, “ I got one! Peanut!”

Talia laughed from the rocking chair she was in, as Bruce furrowed his eyebrows, “Like…the butter?”

“Yup.”

“Write it down, Beloved. I like it.”

There were squeaks on the whiteboard, that felt a little long for just Cat, but oh well.

Dickie was doing a headstand against the crib, “Do we know if it’s going to be a boy or a girl?”

“We want it to be a surprise.”

“Hmm.” Dickie maneuvered so he was sitting properly on the floor, “What about Robin? My mom used to call me that. Maybe it could be the baby’s middle name? It’s gender neutral.” 

Jason turned to his brother Dick, “Your mom used to call you Robin?”

Dick nodded, but didn’t take his eyes off the screen

Screen Bruce looked to Dickie, “Are you sure, Chum? You don’t want to use it if you have any kids of your own?”

Dickie smiled, “I think I’d use my parents' names for my own kids. I’d like my sibling to share Robin with me. I’d give it to Cass and Tim if I could.”

The pride was practically bleeding through the screen, as Bruce erased the middle line separating Boy and Girl, to make a column for middle name. 

Talia ran her fingers through Cass’s hair as she started to braid it, “ What about your parents names, Beloved?”

Bruce shook his head, “They wouldn’t appreciate that.”

Alfred cleared his throat, “Might I suggest Athanasia? It was one of the names your parents picked out if you were to be a girl.”

“That’s a beautiful name. Write it down.”

Dickie snorted, “Yet they decided to name Bruce, Bruce. What are you, a mechanic?”

Tim moved to sit on the ottoman of the rocking chair, “Your name’s Dick .”

Dickie opened his mouth like he was about to make a counterpoint, but ultimately decided against it.

“Cass, do you have any ideas?”

Cass leaned back and pressed her ear to Talia’s stomach like she was listening to the baby, “Damian. Damian Al Ghul-Wayne. But we should call him Cat.”

The next couple photos were of Talia in a hospital bed holding a newborn Damian. Then a video of a tousled Bruce taking Damian from Talia, “This is weird. Usually they’re bigger when I first hold them.”

Tim was running around the hospital room taking pictures of Bruce and the baby from different angles, “If he’s too small for you, can I hold him? My arms are the perfect size to hold a baby.”

There was a hand that reached out to ruffle Tim’s hair, “I thought you said you wanted to take pictures first.”

“I do! But I also wanna hold him.”

“Why don’t you take pictures of Damian with everyone else, and then you can hold him. Save the best for last, ya know.”

Tim nodded and continued taking pictures.

Bruce, smiled down at Damian, “He has your nose and lips, Talia.”

“He has your ears, Beloved.”

There was a gag from behind the camera as Bruce kissed Talia’s forehead. Then they both looked to Alfred, “Do you want to hold him?” 

“I wouldn’t want to intrude–”

“Alfred, he’s your grandson. Just like Dick, Cass, and Tim.”

Alfred seemed to reboot at the statement, but it didn’t phase him for long, as Bruce placed Damian in his arms. “Why hello there, little lad.”
Bruce came closer to the camera as it stayed trained on Alfred and Damian, “I can film for a bit.” The camera shifted a bit and a very ruffled looking Dickie appeared on screen, in a leotard and sweats. “What time is your first event at?”

“10:30, but Bruce–”

“Alright, that gives us about thirty more minutes here…”

“Bruce–”

“if I speed a bit, we’ll be able to make it back with time for you to warm–”

“Dad!” That seemed to immediately shut Bruce up. Jason kinda wished the camera was on his face, “I’d rather stay here with Talia, and you, and Damian.”

“What about the scouts?”

“I’ve still got, like, three years until I can go to the Olympics. I’ve got time. Besides, I fly for my family. Not for scouts.” Dick tapped his chest twice with his fist, before there was the sound of shuffling off camera, which Jason assumed was a hug.

Then Alfred walked over to Dick, and handed Damian to him. Dick made a face like ‘why are you handing me a child’ but then looked down at Damian and smiled, “Besides, he’s already stolen my heart. Good luck trying to get your child back.” Bruce and Talia both laughed, but Dick looked to Cass, “Do you want to hold him?”

Cass’s eyes widened as she shook her head, “No.”

“Alright then, Tim, go wash your hands and sit down.”

Tim did a little Mario jump, before running to the nearest hand sanitizer dispenser and running back to one of the waiting room seats, and making grabby motions at Dick.

Dick made a panicked expression before Damian went back to Alfred so that Alfred could give him to Tim.

“Make sure to support his head, ok?”

Tim nodded, as Alfred placed Damian in his arms, “Oh! Oh! He’s waking up!” Tim grinned, showing off his missing tooth, “Hi Peanut, I’m your big brother Tim.” Damian blinked up at Tim, once, twice.

Then he started to cry.

Tim’s eyes widened as he looked a little past the camera, “Take him back. Take him back!”

The next couple photos and videos were of Damian and the rest of the family at different milestones. And a little tiny baby Damian napping on Bruce’s shoulder, while Bruce is also asleep.

The Next video was from slightly outside the playroom– Jason didn’t even know they had one of those– of Talia and Bruce crouching in front of Damian in his walker.

“Say Ummmi. Habibi say Ummmi.”

“Don’t listen to your Mother, say Baba, Baba, Bababababa.”

The camera came closer, and Damian immediately looked at him, and gave the camera a two toothed smile that made the entire audience coo, “ Dee!”

Bruce frowned back at Damian, “I can work with that, Dada, say Dada, Damian.”

Damian reached to whoever was holding the camera, “ Dee!”

Dick laughed from behind the camera, “I think he’s trying to say…Dickie!”

“Diggie!”

“I win! I was his first words.” The camera shuffled around until it was in Bruce’s hands. Dick picked Damian out of the walker, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Cass owes me five dollars.”

His brother Dick turned to Bruce, “Ha!”

The video was cut off with a photo of Dick, Cass, Tim and Damian all piled on top of Bruce. There were more photos and videos as the years progressed. From Tim doing skateboard tricks, and Cass and Dick belting to “Enchanted”, to holiday photos, Tim getting adopted and Damian somehow covered completely in flour. There was also a video of the whole family going feral of Dick getting on the US Olympic team. 

So that was probably why Mr. Károlyi was sitting at the friends and family table up front. 

The next video had horrible quality, so it had to have been taken on an old iphone or something. “Um, Hi, Tim here, I’m recording for Bruce’s therapist, cus I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. So, it’s June 27th, and– ya know what, I’ll just show you.” The camera flipped around to show a Mercedes GLE that was missing three tires, and a Bruce who was hunched over, clutching his stomach laughing, “Bruce, do you want to tell Leslie what’s going on?”

“There was this–this tiny little kid, and he- and he stole my tires.” Bruce fully squatted and leaned his head against the car door because he was still laughing, “And then– and then–” Bruce apparently could not stop himself from laughing, “ And then he hit me with the tire iron, and called me a big boob!” If Bruce wasn’t on a street he would’ve been rolling around on the floor.

Honestly, Jason doesn’t think there was ever a time Bruce laughed that hard.

“Are you hurt, Beloved?”

Bruce shook his head no, and took a couple of breaths while wiping tears from his eyes, “ Tim, give me back my phone. I’ve got some people to call.”

“Are you gonna call the cops on him?”

Bruce looked at Tim like he was crazy, “No, I need to contact Elaine to see if I can adopt him.”

There was a bit of shuffling, but the camera only cut off after Tim grumbled, “ I could probably steal your tires too.”

Jason spared a glance at Bruce, only to find him with a slight fond smile. “Ain’t no way that was that funny.” Honestly, all Jason could remember was being terrified out of his mind. If he hadn’t been so scared, he would’ve thought of a better insult than ‘ya big boob.’

Bruce huffed out a laugh , a real one that Jason hasn’t seen or heard in years, “Honestly, It was a lot funnier considering I was dressed as a giant bat when you took a swing.”

Jason shook his head in disbelief.

“I’d get hit with that tire iron a million times if it meant you would enter my life.”

Oh. Oh.

No. He probably just means the kid Jason used to be. Jason sucked in a breath through his teeth, “Been there, done that, and let me tell you, Old Man, it was not fun.”

Jason half expected Bruce to yell at him for making a joke about his death, but he just rolled his eyes, “I guess I walked right into that one.” The next photo was a candid of Jay in the manor’s library white streak stark against his black hair, looking like he just rolled into Narnia, “That was the exact expression you made when you first saw the library.” Bruce looked back at Jason with a smile that wrinkled the crows feet around his eyes.

“I guess some things are constants when it comes to us.” 

Bruce fixed his gaze at the younger Jay who was oblivious to the way alternate reality Bruce was smiling fondly at him. “I have a good feeling about this reality too.”

They continued to watch the slideshow. Most of the pictures and videos with Jay in them consisted of him covering his face, unless he was absorbed in a book, or cooking with Alfred.

Then there was a video of Jay in the bathroom with a bowl of black hair dye and a brush, Cass straightening the white streak, so that the hair dye would go on more evenly.

The mirror showed it was Tim behind the camera, “I still think you should paint it red.”

Cass set down the straightener, “I think you should keep it the way it is.”

Jay shook his head, “This is gonna be my first time out in public as Wayne's new foster. They’ll already–” Jay cut himself off and chewed the inside of his cheek, “Maybe in a couple years. I’m just not used to all of this yet, and I don’t want more eyes on me because of a stupid autoimmune disease.” Jay took the brush and started parting the white strip so he could cover it in the hair dye.

“It’s not stupid. It looks really cool.”

“It makes you unique,” Cass shrugged, “ It is your hair, though, and you should be changing it because you want to, and not because everyone else thinks you should.” Cass smiled at herself, “ That’s what Dick would say.”

Jay frowned for a second, until a mischievous grin slowly appeared on his face, “ I’m gonna dye my hair, but not because of anyone else. I just wanna see how long it takes Dick to figure out I have vitiligo.”

Cass grinned and grabbed the bowl of hair dye, “I’ll help.”

Jay lowered the lid of the toilet and sat down facing Cass, “Timbo, you’d better hide that video.”

Dick turned to Jason, and flicked his hair, “I guess the white streak is also a universal constant. Even if the reason isn’t magic in this one.” He turned back to watching the slideshow, as Jason shared a look with Bruce.

Dick may be a great detective, but boy could he be dense sometimes. 

The next picture was of Jay and a three year old Damian looking out of the plane window, followed by a video of Jay reading out loud to Damian, Tim and Cass, as all of them gradually get closer and closer, until they were all cuddling, and then a photo of Damian, Tim and Cass sleeping as Jay seemed to continue reading 

Then there was a video of the seven of them in an empty looking stadium. The camera focused on Jay for a couple seconds before he pushed it away and it focused on Dick hugging his siblings. And then Talia, and then Alfred.

“Bruce, can’t you give it to him? You know him better, and you bought it.”

“You came up with the idea, Jason.”

“Anyone with brain cells would’ve been able to come up with it.” Dick started walking over to the pair, “Here, let me take the camera…” There was a bit of shuffling, “And you can take the bag!”

The camera focused just as Dick engulfed Bruce in a hug.

They pulled apart as Dick glanced at the bag, “Ya know, B, you didn’t have to get me a gift. A new little brother is more than enough.”

Bruce handed the gift bag to Dick, “Actually, the gift was Jason’s idea.”

“Snitch.”

“I am just giving credit where it’s due.”

Dick opened the bag and pulled out a red and yellow leotard with a pair of green shorts and green pants. Dick immediately recognized the colors and put a hand to his mouth.

“I know blue is also the color of the Flying Graysons, but to me these colors have always been more… iconic. I’m sorry if I overstepped, you don’t have to wear it–”

“No, shut up, I’m wearing it.” Dick had a soft smile on his face, “I was debating doing the quadruple flip, but I’m sure this is a sign that I should.”

Bruce clapped a hand on Dick’s shoulder, “ Great, because the rest of us are going to match.”

“Stop, I’m literally going to cry.”

The next photo was of all of the Robins– the whole family, because Alfred, Bruce and Talia were also wearing red, yellow, and green– in their colors. In the Grayson colors

Jason looked over at Dick whose eyes were glossy, but he was still smiling. Though he wasn’t looking at the screen. He was looking at alternate reality Jay, who was being nuggied by alternate reality Dick.

Dick realized Jason was looking at him, “It’s kinda the opposite of our first meeting.”

“Huh. it is, isn’t it?” he thought back to Dick giving him the box with a Robin suit that was too big for him. It was Dick’s official stamp of approval. He never got to grow into that suit.

Vaguely, he wonders if Bruce threw away that suit, along with all the other ones, save the one he died in.

The next video was of Jason in the garage with Bruce staring at a singular tire with a bow around it.

“Is that a tire I stole?”

Bruce grinned, “It is.”

“Huh. I didn’t realize you got them back.”

“I have my ways.”

Jay turned to face Bruce, “You do realize I stole them to make money, right? Currently, this serves no purpose to me.” His face morphed into something dejected “Unless…”

“No. No, not that.” Bruce kneeled in front of him, “ Jay, lad, I know you’ve only been here for a little over a month, but I would like to say, you will always have a home here. No matter what. 

“In fact this is more of a promise. I was thinking of giving you a tire for each of your birthdays, so by the time you turn 16, you’ll have all four. I was thinking we could maybe build a car together.”

There was a flurry of emotions that flashed over Jay’s face, before it settled on disbelief. “You? Bruce Wayne? Build a car?”

 “I am a man of many talents.”

Jay raised an eyebrow, “I better not be the only one putting elbow grease into this thing, otherwise, as soon as it’s finished I’m drivin’ away. With all four tires this time.”

Bruce lifted his arm to flex his bicep, “I’ll put in the muscle.”

Jay rushed in to give Bruce a hug and just as quickly pulled away, “ Thank you, Bruce.” Then Jay turned to face the camera directly, “ Are you seriously filming us, Tim?”

There was a video of the family helping Dick move into a dorm room. A picture of the first day of school with a very happy looking Jay, and just… memories captured that was so normal . No bruises, no broken arms, no hollow eyes from any of them. Just… love.

Obviously Jason knew that this family had to have had its fair share of ups and downs– most of them had seen loss in horrific ways– but the downs didn’t seem to lead to bloodshed, or near murder. Just more understanding.

The slideshow ended with a photo of the entire family cuddling on the couch, sleeping while Dick who was on the outskirts took a selfie.

The crowd erupted into cheers as the lights slowly brightened and alternate reality Bruce took to the stage. 

“Hello everyone, and welcome to the 30th Annual Wayne Foundation Charity Gala.” There was a polite round of applause, “Now, you may be wondering why I decided to start off the night differently than I have in the past years. That is because it has been brought to my attention that my usual speech about philanthropy and giving back to the community is, and I quote ‘ mundane and monotonous, and became stale after the second gala.’ Jason’s words, not mine. So he helped me write this.” There were a couple of chuckles that went around the room, “While I still believe in those values, the real reason this Gala is so important to me, is because it was important to my parents, Martha and Thomas Wayne. To me, this Gala has always been in memory of them.

“My parents loved this city, but they didn’t love it for its old buildings, or the grime on the pavement. No. They loved Gotham for her people. My dad, a doctor, who never turned his back on someone in need, no matter their background. My mom, who knew she was blessed with money and realized she could use that to help other people who need it in this city. Which is why the Wayne Foundation was made. Though, I don’t think there’s a single person in Gotham who didn’t already know that. Yet there was so much more to my parents than just that. Even though they’ve been long gone, I still see them everywhere. 

“I see my mom sitting at the kitchen counter, sipping her tea while Alfred prepares breakfast. I see my dad in the living room whenever baseball plays. I see my parents on the porch swing that overlooks the garden, but most importantly, I see them in my kids.

“The way Dick cares for his siblings sometimes is almost the exact same as how my dad used to care about me. He’ll bring an ice pack over in three seconds flat, even if they say they’re ok. He’ll slap a bandaid on an ouch, even if it isn’t bleeding. He’ll do anything to bring a smile to their faces. Just like my dad always did with me.

“I’d give up everything just to see Cass laugh. Because the way she laughs is just how my mom laughed. The way it starts with soft giggles and gradually gets louder and louder. The way she leans her head back and clutches her stomach. The way if something is truly hilarious, she’ll lean her head on the nearest solid object, trying to gasp for air.

“And Damian, oh Damian. He looks so much like Talia, but sometimes, I catch myself staring at him, picking out which of his features belonged to my mom, and which of his features belonged to my dad. His ears are shaped just like hers, his eyebrows are sculpted just like his. His curly hair is definitely from my mom.

“I can tell that Tim looks at the world in the same way my mom did. He looks at everything, taking in every little detail. He knows even when the subtlest thing is off. And when he looks at you, you know he is not just seeing you, but he’s seeing you . All of you.” 

Bruce pulled out a sheet of paper and placed it on the podium, “And I knew all of these things subconsciously, but Jason, he had to hold my hand through writing this whole speech. I would say some things that I remembered about my parents, and he’d go ‘ like blank does?’ and I'd be like–” Bruce facepalmed, “ duh. But he didn’t help me with this part. Uh oh, I’m going off script.” There was a rumble of laughter at that, but Bruce had a really soft smile on, and was making eye contact with Jay, “But in all seriousness, I think of the way I met Jason often. How he came to me on the reminder of the darkest day of my life, and turned that day into something brighter to remember. And I don’t believe in Fate, or God, but whenever I think of that night in the alley, I can no longer think of a boy who lost his parents. I can only think of my parents guiding their grandson to me. Jason made me realize that my parents guided all of my children to me, and to Talia, and to Alfred. And for that…” Bruce’s eyes were shining as he blinked hard and fast, “I don’t think words can describe how… how glad I am to be blessed with the beautiful family I have today.”

I can only think of my parents guiding their grandson to me.

Jason turned to his Bruce, only to see tears streaming down his face. 

What’s going on? Was he hurt? Why is he crying? He never cries. Batman never cries.

But this wasn’t Batman. This was Bruce.

I can only think of my parents guiding their grandson to me.

“Bruce? Do you…?”

Bruce looked from Jason to Dick and back to Jason, “Every single word and more. And so much more.”

And before he knew it, he was in his Dad’s Bruce’s his Dad’s Bruce’s his Dad’s arms. And then his brother’s arms. He was in his dad’s and his brother’s arms and everything felt–

Whole .

Jason felt whole .

They stayed in each other’s embrace as Alternate Reality Bruce finished up his speech, “There was a poem my mom read to me once, and I had forgotten about it until Jason showed it to me again. The poem actually inspired this entire speech. It’s called ‘ Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep’ by Mary Elizabeth Frye. 

“Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain.

“When you awaken in the morning's hush; I am the swift uplifting rush; Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry,

“I am not there; I did not die.”

There was a moment of silence as the audience drank in the words. And the silence was pierced. But not by applause or cheers.

It was pierced by twin shots.

Gunshots. 

And screaming. Screaming even though the room seemed to be drowned out by the sound of cicadas.

Because Jay was slumped on the table. 

He wasn’t Robin. He was no longer a street kid.

Still, he was–

Bleeding. 

One Bullet through the heart, one bullet through the head. 

Tablecloth stained red.

Notes:

hahahahAHA, please don't kill me

Chapter 11: A Better Resurrection (Part 1)

Summary:

Sorry it's been a while. I was going to post the enitre reality all at once, but this chapter is long as fuck. Like, I'm pretty sure it's a third of my entire word count, and that's not even including the rest of scenes I have planned. So this is like... half of an update. No clue when I'll give you the rest.
Good news is, since it's only half an update, this Jay doesn't Die!!!! yeah, so have fun!

Notes:

Chapter title is from "A Better Resurrection" by Christina Rossetti

It felt like ice was settling in Jason’s chest. He wasn’t Robin. He was no longer a street kid. He wasn’t Robin. He was no longer a street kid. He wasn’t Robin, he was no longer a street kid, he was safe.

He was supposed to be safe.

Why was he dead?

He was supposed to live. He had a life outside of living to the next day or saving Gotham. 

Why did he die?

Why does he keep dying?

He looked to Bruce, whose eyes were rimmed red from the crying he was doing earlier. Then to Dick, who was standing unnaturally still. 

“ What did I do?” he wasn’t sure if he shouted it at the top of his lungs or barely even whispered it. “What did I do wrong?”

Dick snapped himself out of his transe, “Jason you didn’t do anything–”

“I had to have done something. I had to have done something so fucked on a cosmic scale.” He pulled at his hair, hard, to stop his eyes from burning, “I keep dying. I keep dying. That Jason had a good life. He was finally safe. He had no reason to die. He had a good life. He was happy. He was beyond loved.” His breath hitched and he knew he couldn’t stop the dam of emotions that were flooding over. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand. Why do I have to die? Why don’t I get a happy ending? Why don’t I deserve one?”

Before he could tell what was going on he was back in his Dad’s arms. One hand at the base of his head and the other rubbing circles into his shoulder. In the way he used. Just like he used to.

“Jay, lad, you listen to me, and you listen to me closely. You haven’t done anything to deserve the fates that have been handed to you. You were a child. One who was forced to grow up too fast, when all you should’ve been allowed to do was live. You deserve to live. And you are living right now.”

He felt Dick cling onto the both of them, “Maybe the universe is cruel. Maybe you had a shitty ending, but it was a shitty ending to your prologue. You got a second chance, and Bruce and I will do everything to make sure you get a happy ending. Because that’s what you deserve.”

And that’s why he let them in, all those years ago. Because they cared . They both really cared. About Jason.

Bruce moved one of his arms so he was also holding Dick, “You’re my boys. My boys. And I’ll always get you two back.”

Jason buried his face into Bruce’s shoulder. He remembers there used to be a time where he’d hug Bruce and barely make it past his ribs. He used to only be able to rest his chin on Bruce’s shoulder if Bruce was kneeling. 

Despite how much Jason has grown, he still feels so small. And he’ll let himself feel that way. Because he’s not alone anymore. He has his dad and brother to protect him.

 

They realized it was mid February of 2017. Meaning this universe’s Jason was 16. So it was most likely another Zombie Jason. So they made the decision to sit the universe out. Except, after a day they were still there. Then two, then they started to get restless. So Dick and Jason went out for a little food run, and they came back with three sacks of oranges and a Dick had gotten a bag of edibles.

They came back to the motel to the sound of the news. And a Dick who was high as balls

Dick ripped open the bag or oranges and squinted at the screen, “Huh, didn’t realize Tim wore yellow pants.” 

Jason also looked at the screen. The Robin who was currently on screen, leaped over a sentient vine, wearing Jason’s yellow snow pants, and green combat boots. “That’s not Tim, that’s me.”

“Oh yeah…Tim has his…staff.” Dick took out a bunch of oranges and started juggling them.

Bruce sighed from where he was making adjustments to the beacon design. Though, Jason doesn’t understand why he keeps adjusting it. It’s useless if it’s on paper. “Are you two high right now?”

Dick raised an eyebrow at Bruce, “Come on, Bruce. I’m an adult capable of making my own responsible decisions.” 

Jason rolled his eyes, “Come on Bruce, you know I rarely accept pain killers. And this is a Gotham pre- me cleaning up the whole drug trade.”

Bruce looked to Dick, “Edibles?” he nodded, “Give.” Dick dug the bag of gummies from his pocket and handed it to Bruce. He looked from Jason, to Dick, then back to Jason, “I trust you checked if it was clean.”

“It’s literally my job. Been doing it since I was 18.”

Bruce had that face like he wanted to say something, but shrugged and popped a gummy in his mouth.

Batman doing edibles. Now there’s a sight.  

They focused back on the screen where Batman and Robin were closing in on Poison Ivy, Robin ran towards Batman, where they locked hands as Robin leaped, and threw a kick to Ivy’s head, knocking her out cold. Jason frowned, “That was like… a six.” Robin looked quite winded by that, which was weird because he knew he should have more energy like that.

The camera panned to Vicky Vale on the screen, “That was the fifth rogue of the month. And it’s not even Valentines. They’re really putting Batman and Robin through the ringer.”

“Oh my god, Bruce,” Dick suddenly stopped juggling the oranges they had bought. “It's the winter of hell.”

“What’s the winter of– oh wait, isn’t it when Bane snaps Bruce’s back like a toothpick?”

“Yes, though, that was because, I’ll admit, I was burnt out by the mass Arkham Asylum breakout, and I refused to ask for help.”

“Don’t worry, Old Man. It was part of your character development.” 

The screen panned from Ivy in handcuffs, and Batman talking to Commissioner Gordon, to Robin, pulling his cape over his shoulders and walking over to the Batmobile. His breaths were coming out unnaturally even, meaning he was trying to control how tired he looked. Still he flashed a smile at the camera and sat in the passenger seat.

Bruce set down his pencil, “Robin probably has a test this week.” He must’ve seen Jason’s confused expression, “You used to keep your notes in the Batmobile the week leading up to a test. You would stay in the Batmobile and study while I talked to Commissioner Gordon.”

Dick tossed Jason a peeled orange, “Nerd.”

“Yet, I can still lift more than you, bro.” Jason pulled apart a piece and tossed it in his mouth.

Bruce held out his hand for an orange. Dick grabbed one out of the bag for him, and Bruce started peeling it.  “The next attack is in two days, and it’s–”

“Oh! Let me guess. My man, Eddie Nygma. Aka, the Riddler.”

“No, it’s the Joker and the Scarecrow.”

“Huh. I hate both of them. When do they make an appearance?”

“In… two days.”

Dick started munching on his orange, “Damn, we got sent back early.”

Bruce tossed Jason half of the orange he just peeled, “Maybe the force that is pinballing us across the multiverse knows our thoughts and feelings.” He said it in a way that indicated he was joking.

Jason blinked, “Hold up. Bruce, you might be onto something. What were you guys thinking of right before we all got hit with the beam? And be so honest with me right now.”

Dick frowned, “I don’t really remember, just that I had to make sure you were safe.”

“I was thinking about how the machine Black Mask had used was a prototype and had never been used before. I…I thought I was going to lose you again.”

Ok, that’s what Jason had thought, “And how about after the first Jay who died?”

“I was thinking about how small you were. And how you were too young to die.”

Dick nodded, “I was thinking the same thing, but then I think I had a line of thought like ‘if we’d found Jason earlier on the streets, he wouldn’t’ve been that small.’”

Jason grinned, “Ok, so I’m pretty sure us being pinballed around the multiverse has something to do with the Law of Attraction.”

Bruce grunted, “That’s just a placebo–”

Dick hushed him, “Do you have magical swords, Bruce? No. Let our supernatural expert speak.”

“As you know, the Law of Attraction states that thoughts and energy have the power to shape a reality. When we first got hit, Bruce was thinkin’ of me dyin’, so we got thrown into a reality where I died. Then the second reality was a merging of you thinkin’ I was too young to die, and you thinking of findin’ a little Jason on the streets. And at that point, Bruce was trying to figure out a pattern and the only thing his brain could latch onto was–”

“You being dead.”

“Yes! Yes exactly. And we’ve just been spiraling and spiraling and spiraling. And, hm, maybe the reason why this Jason is our first one older than 15 is because in the last one, we thought he would live longer. Ya know?”

Dick hummed, “So you’re saying if we think happy thoughts, this Jason will live?”

“Well, not happy , per say, just not overly pessimistic. Like ‘ Jason will live’ is a great line for manifestations. Obviously, the Law of Attraction isn’t the law of the land, there are certain events that are written in the–” Jason snorted as he suddenly remembered something, “Canon Events. There are Canon Events, but like other details are always changing. That’s why I hate looking into the future. Drives me nuts, bolts and bananas. I bet my canon event is stealing Bruce’s tires.”

“You literally said you were Uncle Ben–”

“Upapapapa,” Jason wagged his finger at Dick, “That sounds like some negative affirmations. Gimme another orange. Doc told me I’ll get scurvy.” 

Dick burst out into laughter while Bruce whipped his head to Jason so fast, he was afraid he’d get whiplash,  “Jason! You’re not allowed to have citrus!”

“Yes I am.”

“Oh. Ok.” Bruce immediately relaxed, “I could’ve sworn you weren’t though. Something about the Ascorbic acid reducing melanin production.”

“Only if it’s too much. Tis a delicate balance.”

Dick handed Jason another peeled orange, “Don’t get scurvy, bro.”

“Thanks. I can feel it fading as we speak.” Jason chewed on a piece, “Anywho, positive vibes, or else I’ll be dismal.”

“But being dismal isn’t good for good vibes.”

“Exactly.”

 

 

That being said, it was hard not to think of everything that could go wrong. Especially knowing that Batman and Robin would be facing the Joker. Especially knowing that in a decent amount of universes they had been to, Jason had been killed by the Joker. Still, they tried. Bruce wrote out affirmations on the little notepad in the motel room, Dick said them outloud, and Jason meditated.

Still, two days later, when they saw Batman and Robin facing the Joker and Scarecrow, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. 

The Joker immediately looked at Robin, but Jason could see the moment the Joker realized something more . He looked Robin up and down, gaze lingering a bit lower, before making eye contact, and bursting into a fit of giggles, “My, my, Boy Blunder you sure are growing at an alarming rate.”

“Yeah, I’ve been eating my vegetables. I heard carrots help give your skin a natural glow. Did’ja not eat enough ‘a those growing up? You’re looking a bit pasty.” For all his talk, Robin pulled his cape around him.

Batman stepped in between the two of them. “Robin, do you have your gasmask on you?”  

Robin responded by grabbing it out of his utility belt, “I’ll get Crane.” He pulled out his grapple, and he swung away.

“Now, Batsy, I didn’t mean it that way–” Batman started pummeling the Joker with his fists.

…That doesn’t make sense. The Joker is a lot of horrible vile things, but a pedophile isn’t one of them. Otherwise Jason would’ve killed him point blank years ago. 

Then the screen split in half to show Robin running and leaping to grab the bottom rung of a fire escape and kicking Crane into a pile of trash. Crane started to sit up, but Robin took a glass bottle, flipped it in his hands once, and smashed it into Crane’s noggin.

Really, Crane is easy to defeat if you don’t breathe in his fear toxins. That’s why he loves his helmet. Built in filters. One punch, and Crane is down for the count.

While Batman continued to punch the living daylights out of the Joker, Robin made quick work of cuffing Crane. Then he leaned against the bricks panting. 

The earlier gas mask models were hard to breathe in. Adding the cold low pressure winter air made it nearly impossible to breathe while fighting.

Batman seemed to be done pounding the Joker’s head in. Mainly because Commissioner Gordon had come by, thrown a kick at the piece of garbage, and started cuffing the man

Robin rolled his shoulders and shook out his leg before picking up Crane from where he was laying, and dragging him out of the Alley. Eventually, Batman came, lifted Crane into a fireman’s carry and nodded at Robin.

To anyone else, the nod would’ve seemed cold and dismissive, but Jason knew that specific nod meant you can relax now.

Robin ripped off his gas mask, and grappled away.

Jason grabbed a pair of gloves, his jacket, and the red beanie they’d got,  “I’m going to my gargoyle.”

 

Jason knew he would arrive at the gargoyle after Robin, but what he didn’t expect was to catch Robin sound asleep in the corner of the roof. He wasn’t even sitting under Garry, just in the corner with his cape pulled around him. 

Seemed more like a Tim thing to pass out on a roof, but Jason was also a pretty light sleeper… but Robin should’ve heard him coming up the fire escape. Jason made sure to be a bit louder on his way up.

Was he–

No, he couldn’t be. Bruce built the winter suit with warmers built in so he wouldn’t freeze. And he could see Robin’s breaths puff up in the cold air. He was probably just really tired. 

Really tired. 

Jason moved to sit next to Gary, but made sure he could still keep an eye on their surroundings. Though, if he hadn’t been paying attention, and if he didn’t see it coming a mile away, he wouldn’t’ve spotten Batman.

He sent a little wave towards the shadow, and signed out “ One Bad Night A-R-T. Are you gonna make me sing the song?”

Batman came out of the shadows, “Jason?”

That caused Robin to pick out his head in a panic, but then he saw Batman, blinked blearily, and then rested his head back on his knees, falling back asleep.

 Jason made a concerned face towards Robin as Batman moved to sit next to Jason.

“He was up last night studying for an APUSH test. I told him to take a break tonight, but–-” Batman shrugged, “You know you.” He looked to Robin with a look that was a mix between fond and concerned, before looking back to Jason, “Report.”

Jason rolled his eyes. Some things about Bruce never changed across realities, “Black Mask hit us with a teleportation prototype which caused us to be pinballed around the multiverse.” He said in a low voice, so he wouldn’t wake up Robin, “We’ve been to…close to thirty universes, the longest we’ve been in one singular reality was around three days, the shortest was close to 10 minutes, I think. Our Bruce can tell you the exact stuff. We’re certain that our allies are working on bringing us home, but because we keep moving around…”

“You think they can’t pinpoint your location.” 

Jason nodded.

“Is it just you and your Bruce?”

“Dick too.”

Batman nodded, “We can all head to the cave right now, if you would like?”

Jason glanced at Robin, and how the only reason he was asleep right now was pure exhaustion and the feeling of safety. Especially after the Joker’s sexual harassment, it was surprising that Robin even fell asleep. strangers coming to his home, he definitely wouldn’t be able to properly rest, even though he clearly needed it.

“We’ll swing by… tomorrow evening? That way you can warn Alfred. If we don’t show, chances are we got thrown into a different reality.”

Batman gave him a barely there smile, “I’ll try not to take it too personally.”

 

So there they were, standing in front of the manor gates, fighting over who would ring the doorbell. 

Dick pushed Jason forwards, “Jason, you’re the one who was invited, you ring it.”

Jason stepped behind Bruce, “You’re the one who’s better with people.”

“You literally talked to this Bruce yesterday.”

“You’ve literally talked to any other version of Bruce. Just ring the buzzer.”

“You do it!”

Bruce rolled his eyes, and hit the buzzer, “I’m sure you’ve been watching them bicker.”  

The gates opened, as the automated voice of Alfred patched through, “Yes, it is quite amusing to see they never truly grow out of it.”  

Dick scoffed, “Once an annoying younger brother, always an annoying younger brother.”

Just for that, Jason flicked Dick’s cheek, with a satisfying pip sound. Dick looked like he was about to smack Jason in retaliation, but Alfred was standing at the front door with a very stern look on his face. 

Alfred led them into the study room where a younger Bruce and Jay were both waiting for them. 

Hm, this was weird. He never saw Bruce at this point in time. Though, this Bruce didn’t look much different from the other Bruces they’ve been seeing across realities. Jay on the other hand… he looked different. 

He was taller than most of the Jasons they had met. Probably around 5’5”. And his features were more mature. It was losing the roundness he’d gained during his years living in the manor. The spots of vitiligo across his face stood out in the way they usually did during the summer, meaning his completion was probably deeper. And his eyes– he didn’t have central heterochromia like Sheila. They were warm and brown. Just like Mami’s.

Alternate reality Bruce stood up and shook Bruce and Dick’s hands, oddly, this was the most formal meeting with their alternate reality selves. “Hello, welcome to our reality. What’s the ‘low down ’?”

Jay turned to Jason, Dick and made a ‘ this man is so embarrassing’ face. Dick held back a laugh as alternate reality Bruce opened the entrance to the Cave, and regular Bruce started filling him in. Basically the stuff Jason told him last night, only in more detail. Like down to the minute they were in each reality, and… well, he didn’t tell him about the multiple Jason’s dying part, but that was probably because Bruce was trying hard with the positive affirmations. 

Then he brought out the blueprints for the beacon, and Jay took one look at it and smacked his head, and rushed towards the stairs, “I have a physics project. I swear, if one more maniac shows up this week, I’m gonna lose it.”

Younger Bruce looked at Jay with a smirk, “Then I suppose it’s a good thing it’s Saturday, huh?”

Jay fixed him with a deadpan stare, “Your Dad-jokes aren’t nearly as funny as you think they are.”

Bruce didn’t seem hurt by the comment, but it did seem to soften him, with a face that looked more… vulnerable, “If you need to take a break–”

“No. I’m good. We catch Two-Face and then I’m stayin’ in bed the entirety of break.”

Bruce sucked a breath through his teeth, playfully, “If those are your plans, I guess I’ll have to cancel those college tours. Are you planning on bedrotting through rehearsal too?”

“You know what I meant.”  Then Jay continued up the stairs while singing ‘Those magic changes’ from Grease.

Jason grinned, “I actually love this reality. It’s the best one we’ve been to, by far .”

Younger Bruce gave him an amused look, “I’m glad you like it. May I ask why all the other realities were not so great?”

“Hmm… No. We’re trying to keep a positive mindset here, and thinking about all the other realities would… make us pretty despondent.” 

Younger Bruce blinked towards Older Bruce, who grunted, “They need time to process what we have seen in other realities. We will tell you, eventually.”

“Hrg.” He could see the push and pull between Batman’s skepticism and Bruce’s willingness to help people behind his eyes, “What can you tell me?”

“I faced a similar situation where there was a mass Arkham breakout, though it was all orchestrated by Eduardo Dorrance, otherwise known as Bane. He is aware of our identities and after we put Two-Face back in Arkham, he breaks into the manor to catch us off guard.”

And just like that, younger Bruce was in Batman mode and finding all the information he could on Bane.

“Bruce, Bane’s whole thing was breaking you down emotionally and mentally, so he could break you physically.” Dick placed a hand on his shoulder, “Yes, you do need to capture Two-Face, but you also need to take a break, otherwise he will break you.”

Bruce continued to search through the Batcomputer, “How can you say that when he knows who I am? Just by knowing, that puts all of us at risk. What if he targets the Dick and the Titans, or Jason’s school? I need to be prepared–”

“You can prepare yourself with as much information as you can, but without proper rest, you can never truly be prepared.”

Both Dick and Jason turned to look at Old Man Bruce, cus, yeah Bruce was wise when he decided to actually communicate, but that edged on the hypocritical side.

Old Man Bruce didn’t pay attention to them gawking, “I could also give you all the information I know about Bane, but only if you rest. It would take less time that way.”

Younger Bruce stopped typing, “...Fine. But it’s only because I know Alfred is going to be done with dinner soon and I don’t want to keep him waiting.” 

“No patrolling tonight. Two-Face doesn’t show up for another two days. You are taking the weekend off. No Batman or Batman adjacent work.”

“Are… are you benching me right now?”

Older Bruce gave him the look ™ meaning he wasn’t going to be accepting any nonsense from younger Bruce. Honestly, it was kinda weird. Most of the other Bruces, Bruce had spoken to in a strictly professional manner. He never… Daded them.

Ok, it was really weird.

Younger Bruce seemed to realize it was a losing battle, and turned off the Batcomputer, “Ok then, though I expect all the information you know about Bane to be on there by Monday.”

 

 

So now that they had the whole positive/negative affirmations thing going, they had a realization. They were probably being tethered to each reality by the Jason of said universe. So as long as this Jason stayed alive, they would stay in this universe. 

And so far this Jason was doing a better job than Jason had, so… 

The kid was 16 and had a fully functioning brain. He was doing things he loved like school and the musical. He was living, and making Robin work. Jason was happy for him. He was happy for Bruce who was gushing about how well Jay did during the fall play, and some of the volunteer work he was doing on top of that and–

This could’ve been his life.

So the first chance he got, he ran to hide. Technically, it wasn’t hiding, because the library was the first place anyone would think to look for him, but it got him alone. It gave him space to breathe. 

And maybe he was a masochist for reading ‘The Time Machine’ by H.G Wells, but you can’t be in a family of vigilantes without being the slightest bit masochistic.

He was about halfway through when Jay snuck in with a binder and pencil in his hands and sat on the floor next to the couch Jason was on, so he was blocked from view of the Library door. 

Not five minutes later Dick walked in, eyes searching around the room, “Have you seen Jason?”

Now, Jason wasn’t an idiot, and he knew that Jay was probably hiding because he also needed a breather. “What, tryna replace me?”

“What? No. I just–”

“That was cruel of me to say.” He knew the words would hurt Dick, and adding venom to them would just be salt on a scab that had been picked at, “He’s probably doing homework or something.”

Dick frowned, like he was debating which conversation to continue, and then he sighed, “That’s what he was doing when I last checked, but now I can’t find him.”

“Then he’s probably with Alfred. There’s really only three places in the manor he’d be.” He did also have a real hiding spot, but Jay seemed like he needed to do work, and that hiding spot was small and dark, and only for when he felt like everything was too big and too much.

“I already checked.”

Jason squared Dick with a look, “Then maybe, you’re being too hover-y and he wants some space.”

Dick cringed at himself, “You’re probably right.” Then he started walking closer to the couch.

“What are you doing?”

“Hanging out with you?” he went to sit on the couch, but Jason swatted him with the book.

“No. you’re not. Go away. Find ways to entertain yourself.” 

“What if we dye your white streak red?”

Jason groaned, “Go away, Richard . I’ve spent the last week with you and Bruce. Give me some me time.”

“No.” Dick definitely meant that sarcastically, because he stood up to leave, but then he paused at the door, “You know you’ll always be my little brother, right? Nothing changes that. Not death, or moral differences– nothing.”

“I can’t be your little brother, because I’m taller–”

“Oh, fuck off–”

“--But you'll always be my big brother too.” Then Jason realized that they were getting into super sappy territory so he tacked on, “In case the passing out on you didn’t get that through your thick skull.”

And just like that Dick’s soft big brother act, that he usually reserves for Damian, disappeared, “I swear, if I ever see you using those magical–”

“Bye!”

“--Soul sucking–”

“Bye!” 

“--Swords, I will–”

“Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye!” Jason rushed to shut the door, “Love ya too.”

Jay peeked over the couch, then slowly stood up then collapsed in the papasan chair, heaving out a sigh of relief, “And that’s supposed to be the same man who begs Bruce to give him space every time he visits?”

“I, honest to god, have no clue how that happened.” Jason sat back down on the couch.

Jay started opening up the binder in his hand, and then glanced at Jason, “Magical soul suckin' swords?”

“They’re not as bad as they sound.”

“Can I… see them?”

“No.”

They sat in silence, Jay finishing up his project and Jason continued reading until Jay definitely finished and started to open and close his mouth like he was debating asking a question.

Jason set his book down and settled deeper into the couch, “Are ya gonna continue to catch flies with your mouth or are ya gonna ask?”

“Hold up, I'm debatin' if I should ask the harder questions first or the easy ones.”

Jason drummed his fingers on his knee, “Start with the easy ones. I might not be allowed to answer the harder ones.” Jay frowned, so Jason added, “By Bruce. 'Cause he’s a control freak.”

“Naturally.” Jay shifted so he was mirroring Jason’s body language, “Why are your eyes blue?”

Jason gave him a ‘Use your brain’ look, because, really?

“Well, I know it’s because of the Multiverse and not everything’s gonna be the same, but there are certain things that have to stay the same for us to be Jason , right? So… if you’re more white passing, but ya still look like Papi, then–”

“Yeah, we have different birth moms. Though, Catherine did raise me.”

“Were ya also on the streets?”

Jason nodded, “And boostin' the tires off of Bruce’s car seems to be a multiversal constant.”

Jay grinned, “It’s just iconic behavior, as Eddie would put it.” Then he gestured to the front of his hair, “Vitiligo?”

“Dick still doesn’t have a clue. I’m 90% sure he thinks it’s the magical swords.”

“Son of the world's greatest detective and he still can’t figure it out.”

Jason rolled his eyes, “The last reality we went to, it was one where none of us were heroes, and that Jason said he had vitiligo, and ya wanna know what Dick said? He said ‘I guess the white streak is also a universal constant. Even if the reason isn’t magic in this one.’ ”

Jay blinked, “You’re pullin' my leg.”

“No, I’m not! He genuinely believes the white streak is from magic. I guess an autoimmune disease isn’t cool enough for him.”

“Yo, I think all the hair dye has been damaging my hair. They don’t curl the same way as the rest of my hair.” Jay tugged at one of his little loopies. “What about the whole secret identity thing?”

“Helmet. I lost it a couple realities ago, though. Also, yeah, ever since I stopped dyin' it, it’s been growin' back curlier.”

“College?”

“Next question.”

A bunch of different emotions flashed across Jay’s face, “What?”

“Next question.”

“No.” Jay crossed his arms, “You can’t be me if you didn’t want to go to college.”

“Who says I didn’t?” Jason leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, “Next question.”

Jay’s voice came out much smaller, “...Graduation?”

He leaned back again, “You get three more questions.”

“Your universe sucks, you know.”

Jason barked out a laugh, “Kid, this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg.”

Jay seemed to think carefully about what he was about to ask next, “Garzonas?”

“Did that animal die? Yes. Did I push him? No. Did Bruce know that until recently? Also no. I’m pretty sure.”

Jay’s eyes narrowed, “Did… Did your Bruce kick you out?”

Jason shook his head, “Just… I guess I was on probation or something, and when I proved to be ‘too reckless’, he fired me from being Robin. Then I ran away…” And then he died, “How’d it happen with you?”

“He also fired me from Robin for a bit. I… I really thought Bruce would kick me out. I mean, I wasn’t Robin at the time, and what use was I to Bruce if I wasn’t his partner? Then Dick came back from space, and asked why he hadn’t seen Robin in any of the news he’d been catching up on, and I told him. Then he rushed straight to the manor and I’m sure all of Gotham could hear Dick knock some sense into him. Turns out, Bruce didn’t even realize that I thought that being Robin was the only thing that tied me to the manor, and I didn’t really realize how much Bruce cares.” Jay looked Jason in the eyes and then groaned, “You did not just come to that realization, did you? No, that was a hypothetical question, not a real one. You are a sad little man.” He leaned back and looked at the ceiling, “Is that why your Bruce keeps looking at me funny? Cus you ran away at my age? Instead of just… talkin' with him? Well, I’m assumin' you talk now, because you’re on a multiversal adventure with him, but– Sufferin’ succotash, I’m still caught up on the college thing. Why not just get a GED and go? Bruce’ll probably still pay for you.”

Jason sighed and ran a hand over “That was more than five questions. Short answer is I trusted someone I shouldn’t have.”

“That’s ominous and dramatic. The only reason I can think of why you wouldn’t be able to go is if you just… no longer had an ID or something–" Jason went ramrod straight because how in tarnation do you guess that? Jay’s eyes widened, “Did you have to go into witness protection? Don’t they give you a new life if you do? Why not just ask the government if you can go to college– actually, forget I asked that. The government sucks, but–”

“I’m legally dead.”

“Heh?”

“Like, my heart stopped. For six months. I have a grave and everything.”

Jay blinked a couple times and then snorted, “Ok, Jesus.”

Jason let his entire face drop. Devoid of any emotions. He knows it’s macabre, because there were still parts of death that clung to him like gorilla glue. 

Maybe the rest of his siblings have died before. Though it was different with them. They died for minutes. Jason was dead for months. And sure, so was Damian, but he was brought back on purpose. Jason was brought back by mistake.

Talia was the first person to see him disassociate, and she said she thought he was reverting back to his state of comatose. The first time Cass saw, it freaked her into a panic attack. She said his emotions, body, mind– they all read as dead . And everyone, save Damian, looked pale. Like they were looking at a ghost.

He snapped his attention back to Jay, whose face was ashen. “Your universe sucks.” he pulled one of his knees to his chest and rested his chin on it. He could tell Jay had a hand on the cross that rested on his sternum, “If you died… was there an afterlife?”

“I don’t remember.” That was a lie. There was a recurring dream that he had. One where he was swinging over a green field that seemed to span miles and miles and miles. It was one of those dreams he never wanted to wake up from. One of those dreams where he felt nothing but peace. He felt at peace.

A part of him wants to believe that dream was about him, flying over Heaven alongside the angels, but he knows he couldn’t have gone to heaven. He couldn’t have, because he came back as nothing but a vengeful spirit. 

 

 

There was a bone deep exhaustion settling in Jay’s bones. He knew it was because he was overworked, and overtired. Homework, projects, studying for tests, rehearsals– he would’ve been fine with just those. In fact, he would’ve been thriving with just those. 

Ever since his conversation with Bruce, he knew that if he took a break from being Robin, or even full on quit, he would still have a place with Bruce and Alfred. In fact, he has taken a couple breaks from Robin, and he thinks he finally knows what safety– no, peace means. It didn’t feel like the rug was going to be pulled out from under him. He finally felt like he was on solid ground.

Being Robin wasn’t exhausting him. Not when he knew he was allowed to take a break. 

Being bombarded with rogues every night, that was the problem. Because that meant he couldn’t take a break. Jay knew Bruce could handle the drug dealers and the pimps, but the rogues were the worst of the worst. Yeah, they had their problems, but they weren’t afraid of hurting people in creative ways. 

Robin’s supposed to have Batman’s back. He could deal with two hours of sleep, or the incessant throb in his knee. But if he took a break, and Batman got hurt because Robin wasn’t there to watch his six– he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t deal with losing another Dad to Two-Face.

He finished taping his knee, and pulled down the leg of his yellow snow pants.

Time to steal a penny or something

 

 

The next couple days passed very awkwardly, because it was quite a -ha- bomb that Jason dropped on Jay, one he immediately regretted after five minutes. Who dumps their trauma all over a 16 year old. ( He did it to Tim, but that was kinda different. They were having a sibling bonding moment.) Though, he doesn’t think he told Bruce. He feels like younger Bruce would have acted differently if he did know.

Currently, Jay was at rehearsal, and Jason was in the kitchen with Dick and Alfred making scones. Then the security alarm went off.

Bane.

They had a plan. Older Bruce would stay in the Batcave, while Younger Bruce would lure him down there. Once there, Bruce would take out Bane’s venom pack, giving Bane a major case of withdrawal. Jason and Dick would remain out of sight, but they were allowed to jump in if things went wrong.

They had a plan.

Still it didn’t stop Jason from wanting to pummel Bane’s face as soon as he knocked Alfred into the Grandfather Clock.

He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive.

Jason almost didn’t pay attention to the conversation Bruce and Bane were having.

“You’d kill just to rule this city? Just for–”

“I’d kill for anything. I’d kill to silence a grating voice. To darken the light in eyes that dared look at me.”

“Then while you revel in it, Bane, I’m sick of death, sick of the blood, the chaos, and horror you’ve brought to Gotham– and right into my home.”

The alarm to the gate went off, but it wasn’t the intruder alarm. 

Bane tilted his head, “Two birds, one stone.” 

Bane started walking towards the garage, however, Batman maneuvered in front of him, “You hurt my father, I will not let you hurt my son.” 

And then Batman went ham. The only problem was, Batman was now trying to keep Bane away from the garage, rather than lure him to the Batcave.

Dick lightly tapped Jason’s shoulder, and signed, ‘ Alfred’s stache.’

Jason blinked, and made a finger gun with his hand, along with a baffled face.

Dick nodded, “Better than me, hit the pack. Not head. Faith.”

“This Bruce is gonna hate me so much.” Still, he crept towards the pantry, where Alfred hid a handgun in the big tubberware of dry black beans. Then he grabbed the cartridge of bullets that was sealed inside the bottom of an olive oil tin.

Everyone except for Bruce knew they were there. Along with the ones hidden in the stairs, and the one in the couch of the study. They were all handguns, and Jason knew Alfred preferred and used shotguns, so there were definitely more, but they would remain forever hidden.

He stuck to the shadows of the manor’s corners, creeping his way to the spiral staircase near the garage entrance.

A minute later the door opened, Jay carrying his backpack.

Jason tapped out, I-N-T-R-U-D-E-R G-O T-O C-A-R, in morse code against the railing. As if on cue, there was a clatter that sounded like a bunch of hangars being knocked over.

Jay looked in the general direction of when Jason was hidden, and nodded, quietly opening the door and slinking out. 

Almost immediately, Batman got thrown into the wall perpendicular to the door, but Batman springboarded off of it and punched Bane in the gut. Except it barely phased him, “Bane, this fight is between you and me.”

Jason lined up the handgun with the venom pack, and turned the safety off.

One clean shot.

“This fight isn’t between you and me.” Bane grabbed Batman’s arm and slammed him into the floor, “This fight is between me, and anyone who gets in my way. If the butler had fought back anymore, I might’ve just had to kill him.” 

Jason knew his aim started to drift. One bullet, straight through Bane’s temple. He kills Bane now, Bane will never kill Alfred in this universe. Alfred can stay immortal.

Straight through the temple.

Jason’s pointer finger curled around the trigger. 

A wrench hit Bane in the nose, “That was supposed to be your welcome gift. Sorry it’s second hand. I wasn’t aware we were having guest.” Jay came back into view with a tire iron in hand, “Hi, Batman, sorry I couldn’t be more courteous. If I had known you were visiting, I would’ve come home sooner.”

“Robin, he knows.”

“ Pulchritudinous.” Jay swung the tire iron, in a way that was very reminiscent of the way Dick swung his christmas, slid under Bane and wacked him in the balls with the tire iron.

Bane didn’t even flinch. Instead, he grabbed the tire iron, and bent it in half, “That’s what I’m gonna do to your dad. First, though, I’m gonna make sure you have a good seat.” He swatted Jay away with the bent iron, then fixed Jay so that he was properly sitting up.

Jason glanced from Bane, to Batman, to Jay, who was clutching his stomach, eyes wide in horror as Bane moved back towards Batman.

Jason shifted his aim once more, letting out a breath as his finger tightened around the trigger. As his arm took the recoil of the firearm. As the venom pack burst into an explosion of green goop.

Because he couldn’t kill him. Not in front of Jay, who might eventually learn that the only Jason who has survived came back merciless and inhumane.

Immediately, Dick came flying in with a kick to Bane’s face, pummeling him with attacks as the lack of venom caused Bane to go into immediate withdrawal, only stopping when Bane was knocked out.

Jason slipped out of the shadows of the staircase, flicked the safety back on, and started to disassemble the gun, just as Old Man Bruce walked in supporting Alfred, 

Jason handed the disassembled pieces of the gun to Alfred, “I shot the hell outta that guy, huh.”

Dick huffed a laugh, and Jay looked a little confused from where he was propped up by, “Isn’t that from a video game? The one with the Zombies? Tim and Ives play it sometimes.”

“It’s a meme in our universe.” Dick held out a hand for younger Bruce, “Still comes from the video game though.”

Younger Bruce accepted the hand, and started pulling himself from the floor, “Jason, are you hurt?”

Jay shook his head, “I’m good.'' Then he tried to get up, and winced, “Maybe a coupla bruised ribs. Nothin’ too bad.”

Older Bruce shifted Alfred’s weight towards Jason, and went to carefully help Jay up, “Bruised or broken?”

Jay opened his mouth like he was about to let out a snarky reply, but paused when he looked at Bruce’s face. Then he took a slow breath–it wasn’t deep, but it was slow, “My lungs feel fine. If that’s what you’re asking. So if they are broken, it’s probably just a fracture.” Jay placed his hand on top of Bruce’s. So Bruce could subtly feel for a pulse, “I’ll be ok.” 

Younger Bruce peeled off his cowl and limped over to Jay, planting a kiss on his head. “Ok.” Then he turned to Jason, “Since when have you known to shoot?”

Jason shared a look with Alfred, and then looked to Jay, “Did this ignoramus send you to Ma Gunn’s School for Crime, too?”

Jay snickered and then winced, “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts. World’s greatest detective here.”

“What’s next, you know how to make poisons and assemble bombs?”

Jason gave him a bemused smirk, “Yes. I do.”

Bruce looked like he was about to say something when Jay’s phone began to ring. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and grinned at Dick, “I think your big brother instincts are goin’ off.”

Dick frowned, but then his eyes widened, and he buried his face in his hands, “That’s not why…”

Jay picked up, and there was the Facetime sound, “You better start shopping for a Tux, because Kori and I are going to be needing a ring bearer.”

Jason felt his jaw drop to the floor as he whipped his head towards his brother Dick, whose face was still buried, but his ears were red in embarrassment.

How did Jason never know that Dick and Kori were engaged? And he was friends with Kori. And Roy. Hell, Tim could’ve told him. Or Bruce. They’re all apostates.

Alfred seemed to be the first one to recover, “Congratulations, my boy!”

“Thanks, Alfie!”

“You asked Kori to marry you?” Jay seemed just as surprised as Jason was, “I owe Donna so much money.”

“That you do!” Donna shouted from the background.

Younger Dick laughed, “You know what, I’m too happy to be annoyed you two bet on my love life”

Jay was grinning from ear to ear, “Tis the best form of entertainment.” If it was possible, Jay’s smile turned even bigger, “Before you know it, I’ll be an uncle.”

Younger Bruce grunted. Which Jason translated to ‘ I'm not ready to be a grandfather yet,’ but then he tacked on, “I’m proud of you, Chum.”

“Thanks Bru– Holy shit, what happened to you?”

“February.” Bruce didn’t care to elaborate.

“Right, there was a massive Arkham break. Are you guys good over there?”

“That was our last Rogue. And this Robin is making like its namesake and taking a vacation ‘till spring.” He paused, “I should probably tell Spoiler.”

 

After Bane, things were pretty quiet. And with said quiet, and the fact that they still haven’t been thrown into a new reality for an entire week (new record! yey!) they were finally able to start on a prototype for the beacon.

Though it was mainly Bruce, because he’s a control freak. Other Bruce was Batman-ing even though he had a shattered arm and sprained ankle from Bane. Alfred was resting, and the only reason for that was because Dick and Jason promised to help Other Bruce if he needed it. 

And Jay put Robin to the side just like he said he would, focusing on school and the SATs and the musical. Like a normal teenager, doing normal teenage things. 

Also, apparently Tim and Ives were in Crew for the musical, and that's how Jay knew them. Small world. Or Tim’s stalker tendencies were a lot higher than Jason assumed.

Dick and Jason just finished a round of sparring when Jay came down, backpack in hand. He sat down at the table across from Bruce and pulled out a spiral notebook, a note packet, along with a textbook, and a red, a blue, and a black colored pen, plus a highlighter.

“No way. You were that kid?”

Jay looked up and frowned at Dick, “What D'ya mean?”

“The type who always had perfectly aesthetic notes in class.”

“No.” Jay shook his head “My class notes are usually written in pencil and looked like chicken scratch.” He held up what was written in his notebook, “I’m studying for a physiology test I have friday. Black’s the normal stuff that I remember, Red’s the stuff I don’t, or super important things, and I use the blue and the highlighter to put little annotations of my notes in the margins.”

Old Man Bruce looked up, “Jason uses that method to write up mission reports. You know that, Dick.”

“I guess I didn’t expect it to come from a studying method.”

Jay just shrugged and went to flip through the textbook, and his notepacket. Jason didn’t miss the fond look Bruce had on his face.

Dick and Jason started up another round.

For a bit the only sounds in the cave were Jason and Dick’s feet scuffing across the floor, and the slight clicks of Bruce tinkering.

And then, “Your Bruce mentioned something about college tours.”

Jason faltered in his step, and Dick landed a kick to his gut. Jason grabbed the leg and pulled, but Dick twisted out of his grip and landed on his feet. They started circling each other again.

Jay glanced up from his notes and grinned, “Yeah, over break, we’re gonna visit Rutgers, Montclair, and Princeton, and then over April break, I’m going up to New York to visit the Titans and Dick, Donna and I are gonna check out NYU, and Columbia. Over summer break we were planning on visiting the UCs, Midwestern and more Ivys, but I have my eyes on Columbia, and I will get in.”

Jason attempted to sweep Dick’s feet, but he jumped and called out, “Nerd!”

Jay turned towards them and stuck out his tongue, “Bold words for a dropout.”

Dick kicked the back of Jason’s knee, causing them to buckle, but he dropped into a roll.

Bruce hummed, “I thought you said you wanted to go to Princeton or NYU?”

Jay set his pen down and gave Bruce his full undivided attention, “Well, I do, and I’d still ecstatic if I got into them, but I’ve been thinking more about what I want to be when I grow up, not just what I want to do . And I don’t see myself being someone who wears a cape and fights crime forever , ya know? I think I’m starting to… outgrow the whole ‘fighting crime’ thing, but I still want to help people. And Columbia has a good Lit and Bio program, so I think it’ll be a good place for me.”

Jason completely stopped and turned towards Jay, “You wanna be a doct–AACk!” Jason turned to glare at Dick who just kicked him in the jaw.

“Yup! Just like Leslie and Grandpa Thomas. I’m thinking  of being an ER specialist, or family medicine, but time might change that.”

Bruce’s eyes started to shine, and what could only be a look of pride engulfed his face. 

This… this was a very cruel type of torture. Obviously he was proud of Jay too. The kid was living . He was older than any other Jason they had met. Bruce’s pride over the life Jason could’ve had, should be engulfing him like a hug. Instead it was wrapping around him like a boa constrictor.

He took a deep breath, “I’m gonna go take a shower and make some tea. Any of you want some?”

Dick lobbed a towel at him, “Would you hit me if I asked for hot cocoa?”

Jason snapped the towel at him, “I’ll smack you either way.”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” Jay picked up his pen again.

Jason ruffled his hair, not waiting for Bruce to say what he wanted, and headed upstairs.

 

Jay waited to hear the door to the bathroom close. He knew Dick was farther off somewhere, but he would be out of earshot, “Why haven’t you legally revived him yet?”

Bruce immediately snapped his gaze back to Jay, “How do you know about that?”

“You’re not the only detective, remember?” He wasn’t going to tell Bruce about his conversation he had with Jason the other day. That would be rude. “I’m just saying, if you did, he’d probably choose a similar path as I have. Eventually.” It did take Jay a while to realize Robin wasn’t something he wanted forever. It’s been something on the fence about him since his Bruce made him take a break in April. If the vigilante life really was worth it, or if it hurt him too much just to help other people. 

Bruce hummed, “He’s never asked. I don’t want to over step.”

He looked to the ceiling of the batcave, “Your emotional incompetence hinders your ability to see what is in plain sight.” Jay leveled Bruce with a look, “Sure, I’ll tell it to you straight, but when have you ever known me to ask you for anything?”

Bruce tilted his head in a way that said there was that one time…

Whatever that means, “I mean, I could be wrong. That Jason has a half a decade of experience and trauma on me. He could be a completely different person because of it. But there’s certain things that have to have stayed somewhat the same, and I feel like Jason's… kinda like me from about a year ago. He’s expecting the rug to be pulled out from underneath him.  He doesn’t know where he stands with you, because you won’t tell him explicitly. I’m not like Dick. If– aw snickerdoodles, I’m about to tell you all my secrets. If I seem angry about something, I’m probably scared.” He’s honestly surprised Mr. World’s Greatest Detective hasn’t figured that out yet.

He could see the pieces fall into place in Bruce’s mind.

“I know this is going to be a completely foreign idea to you, but what if… you talked to him. With words. Not immediately, because he’ll figure out I had to hold your hand to get you to cross that street, but eventually. When the time is right.”

“How will I know when that is? Or if I’ll say the right things?”

Jay raised his eyebrow, “You’re talking about a cure to your emotional constipation? Turn off the logical side of your brain and just talk. Mean what you say and all that good stuff.”

 

Being dead is stupid . 

Sure, Jason has numerous fake IDs for various things, and he could get a GED using one of them, and then go to whatever college he wanted to. But he didn’t want to go to college as ‘Peter Thomas’ or ‘Jason Willis’ or ‘Todd Jackson’. He wanted an education. 

Jason Peter Todd-Wayne.

That’s the name we wanted on the diploma. Except Jason Peter Todd-Wayne no longer existed. So he couldn’t get a highschool diploma, or enroll in college, or go to med-school, or become a doctor.

And he’s beyond happy for Jay. He really really is, but envy and jealousy are fickle things that have seemed to consume Jason post-mortum.

He’s jealous of Dick who will always know Bruce like the back of his hand. Who doesn’t even have to look at Bruce to know when something’s wrong. He’s jealous of Tim who seemed to have snuck his way into Bruce’s life. Who will always somehow pick him up, while Jason seems to knock him down whenever they’re in the same room. He’s jealous of Cass. Because she will always be perfect in Bruce’s eyes, and Jason is the polar opposite from her. Meaning, to Bruce, Jason can only be the blood staining the walls of his house made out of gold.

He’s envious of Jay who still has it all. He still has his life. He still has the magic of Robin that

never seemed to leave any of his siblings. The magic that decided to abandon Jason. 

It doesn’t make any sense.

It’s not fair.

He’s not the only one who has died, so why is he the only one who lost everything and can’t get it all back. 

He can’t get his old life back.

He’ll never be able to be that kid who was happy to finally have a home. The one who was overjoyed to be able to learn again, and barely let himself think about the future because if he thought about it for too long, the insecure part of his brain would tell him ‘this isn’t forever.’

But it could’ve been. 

If he didn’t die.

He would’ve always had a home in the manor instead of being treated like an intruder every time he visited if he didn’t die. He could’ve had a family that welcomed him with open arms instead of a guard that’s always up

He should’ve never gone to– The Joker should’ve never– He should’ve never been– He should’ve never met–

He’s not supposed to be there anymore. He doesn’t fit anywhere anymore. He can blame everyone, he can blame himself, but at the end of the day it doesn’t change anything .

He would never be able to make Bruce proud because the Jason Peter Todd-Wayne who could’ve done that was dead. Or forever stuck in a warehouse watching an unphased face smoke a cigarette while his brain was being bashed in with a crowbar.

‘Could’ve beens’ suck.

He poured some milk in a pot on the stove, and some hot water in a kettle, then moved onto chopping chocolate. Then he grabbed Dick’s Superman mug, Jay’s Wonder Woman mug, and two china cups.

He debated only taking one cup and not making some for Bruce, but then realized that would be petty and Bruce wasn’t being intentionally cruel by being proud of a different version of him talking about college and dreams. 

If anything, it was kinda sad. 

Just like it was sad that Jason still knew that Dick liked his hot chocolate with extra sugar and a dash of nutmeg, because he said that’s how Haley’s Circus made it during their winter season. 

Just like it was sad that he knew Bruce preferred white tea after eight pm, with one teaspoon of honey and a splash of lemon, but he couldn’t remember why.

He couldn’t remember why.

He made hibiscus blueberry tea for himself and Jay, placed all four cups on a tray, and brought them down to the cave.

Dick was currently sitting at the Batcomputer, which had names of people known to have traveled different realities. Wally, and Dr. Fate. 

Jason set the tray down on the table Bruce and Jay were at, and grabbed his and Dick’s cups bringing them over to the Computer, “Doesn’t Tim have a speedy friend? The Imp?” 

Impulse. He died right before Jason’s last multiversal adventure. Another kid gone because they were given the responsibility of saving the world before they were even allowed to vote.

He was pretty sure the kid was back now, but still. It seemed like the number of sidekicks multiplied after Jason died, not went down to zero.

Jay was halfway through a sip when he made a face, “Tim has a speedy friend?”

“Well, not yet. Because he’s still in the future.” Dick swiveled around in the batcomputer chair and took his mug of Hot Cocoa from Jason, “Also, Tim’s the Robin after this guy.” Dick patted Jason’s shoulder.

Jay frowned, looking from Bruce to Jason, “But…what?”

Jason slightly shook his head.

Jay lifted his eyebrows once and crossed his arms, “After all that time I spent convincing him not to follow us around with a camera at night, all he does is lose the camera.” he grumbled, “When did Tim become Robin?” 

And here’s the thing about Jason. He’s not as brash as most people make him out to be. He survived on the streets for a while. Most people don’t know immediately when he’s angry, because if they did, he would've gotten himself killed on the streets. Most of the time he’s been outwardly angry, he’d really been… scared.

Point being, Jason knew himself. And he knew the curiosity Jay was putting on had an undercurrent of incredulity. And he really wasn’t in the mood to go through the whole ‘ Why was there another Robin after the last one died?’ thing.

Jason slid into the chair beside Bruce, so he was across from Jay, “Halloween. Oh! Would ya look at that? Flashcards.” he reached over to grab them and started shuffling, “If you get anything below a 95 because you were too busy yapping with us, I will be very disappointed in you.” 

Jay rolled his eyes, “You tryna live vicariously through me?”

Jason didn't dignify a response. Instead he skimmed through the flashcards to figure what Jay was studyi–

Oh.

Cancers.

Well, too late to back out now. “Alright, how do you wanna do this? I give you the name and you tell me the symptoms, and the group it falls under?” He flipped the deck around so that Jay could only see the 

“I was about to say how creepy it is how you know exactly how I think, but then I realized you’re me.” Jay took a sip of his tea and motioned for Jason to ask away.

They got through a bunch. Almost half of the 120 flashcards Jay had created. Because of the 120 different types of cancer. And they both knew the card was coming. Still it didn’t stop them from freezing when Jason pulled out the card that had Osteosarcoma written out in all caps.

It was the type of cancer Mami had.

Of course, Jason didn’t actually know that until he had come to live in the manor. When she had first gotten it, he was still too young to fully understand what was going on. Why when Mami went to go pick him up, he heard a slight snap and she immediately set him down. Or why she was constantly placing heating pads on her upper arms. But by the time he was six, he knew she was hurt. Because he remembers having to stay with their neighbors some nights, because the next time he saw Mami, she was in a hospital bed. By the time he was seven, he knew she was sick. Because sometimes after their trips to the library, they would go to Gotham General and he would curl up into Mami’s side while she read to him. As she slowly lost her hair and her figure grew frail.

But she couldn’t get Chemo for long, because Papi went missing, and he was the one paying off their medical debt. And she had to make due with the cheapest medicine available. Painkillers.

From Ibuprofen, to Naproxen, to Gotham-made Hydrocodone, and Morphine, and eventually Heroin. In the end, who knows if it was the tumor that metastasized or if the painkillers were laced with fentanyl.

Well, it was the fentanyl that killed Mami, Bruce showed him the reports after he freaked out on Two-Face, but it could’ve just as easily been the Cancer that had gone untreated.

He didn’t know that growing up, but there were so many similar stories, he figured out during his time as the Red Hood. People who were in debt, who needed proper medical attention, but could afford it. So they turned to painkillers to save them from the pain. It was Gotham though, so of course the harder stuff was going to be laced. 

Jay frowned, and shifted in his seat, so he was hugging his leg, head resting on his knee,  “It’s a sarcoma, so bones, but not a myeloma which comes from the bone marrow. Usually it occurs at the ends of your bones, because those are the growing parts. The metaphyses. The most common places of development are the femur, the tibia and the…humerus.” Jay suddenly found the string to the teabag very interesting, “It can also occur in the pelvis, skull and jaw, most of the cases are of people under the age of 25, but the average age is 15. For causes… Genetics, uh, lack of blood to bone tissue– bone infarctio n. Rapid growth, like…puberty, and exposure to radiation, because radiation’s fun for everyone.” He flicked the W on the mug three times, “And symptoms are like most bone cancers: pain, swelling, pain with movement, unexplained fevers, and bones that break with simple movements.” 

“Nailed it.” Jason leaned over and flicked Jay’s curls with the flashcard, “But you still have…” Jason flipped through the cards, “32 more.”

A slow smile creeped on Jay’s face, “Easy peasy.”

 

The next couple weeks passed by. Jay made true to his word of staying in bed all of February break, except for rehearsal and the college tours he and younger Bruce planned. So, mainly, he stayed in bed over the weekend. 

The day they were supposed to leave to visit Princeton also happened to be the day it snowed 16 inches. And Jason didn’t like the snow. He hated it , but over the years it’s become more bearable, and sure, Alfred had recovered from Bane’s attack, but he decided to shovel the snow for him.

It was also four in the morning, and he had woken up from a nightmare, but that's besides the point. He was just doing something nice for Alfred. That’s all. 

It wasn’t even a nightmare about his death or any of the actually traumatic things that had happened to him, like dying, or crawling out of his grave, or the things he saw on the street.

It wasn’t even the new nightmares he’d been having of himself dying in different ways, but from a first person point of view.

No. The dream actually started off nice. Him and Mami were reading together, and Papi was there playing Billy Joel. Then two shots rang out, and Jason expected himself to be dead. But he wasn’t. Papi was on the floor bleeding, and he tried to stop it, but he wouldn’t stop bleeding. Then Mami pulled him into her arms, and he held onto her as tight as he could. But she was slowly getting thinner and thinner, until all he was hugging was a corpse. A skeleton.

Then he was running, and he was running through their apartment building trying to find someone, anyone, but each apartment was just a different dead Jason. 

Until he got to an empty apartment, but when he got in, the entire room had mirrors on all sides, and he was withering. Just like Mami had. Getting thinner and thinner, hair and skin peeling off, slowly revealing a skeleton with the most messed up bones. 

He focused on the repetitive motion of scooping up the snow and throwing it to the side. Ignoring the numbness spreading in his knees and hip, and ignoring the way his fingers started to lock up from the cold. 

It didn’t take long for Bruce to join him. Older Bruce, by his gait. 

They shoveled in sync, one after the other, falling into a rhythm. He absolutely refused to let his mind wander to the dream he had, so he fully switched gears.

He could totally see Jay becoming a doctor. Honestly, Jason would’ve done that just to spite Dick and Bruce for dropping out of college. Obviously, he can’t, though. Because Jason Todd doesn’t exist but–

“Jason.” He ruined their rhythm and looked at Bruce. He’s been looking at him in that way he had been recently. Like he was looking at the barrier they had placed between each other, wishing to tear it down, “If you still wanted to go to college, you still could.”

Jason froze, because when did Bruce become a mind reader? Jay and Younger Bruce were going to visit Princeton, so they were just thinking of the same things. That’s all. 

“Well, you would need a GED, though I could help you with that if you would like.” 

Jason didn’t dare look at Bruce’s face. “You don’t get it.” There was a knot forming in Jason’s stomach. Or, maybe it had been there all this time, and Bruce dangling the idea of something he’s wanted for so long, but could never have, made him feel like a fish who was about to eat bait and end up as someone else’s dinner.

“I suppose I don’t.” Bruce stopped shoveling and stretched out his back, “Otherwise I would have asked you this sooner. I was… afraid, in asking, I would drive you away, and hoped you would come to me in your own time. And I have realized that the card was never really visible on the table for you.”

“No, Bruce, that’s not–” Jason stopped shoveling, “I don’t want to go to college as ‘John Doe’, or whatever alias.”

“And I want you to go as Jason Peter Todd-W–” Bruce cut himself off, “I want you to go as Jason Peter Todd.”

Jason gave him a deadpan stare, “Dead kids don’t go to college.”

“And if said child was legally revived?”

He blinked, “What?”

“I’ve had the paperwork ready ever since you came back. I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t really sure where we stood, though you’ll always be my son. Your death did not change that, and I am sorry I haven’t made that clear.”

“I’m– you’ve had the– what?”

“You don’t have to make the choice right now. We still have a lot of time before we return home, and even then, you can wait as long as you would like, but, um, I just wanted you to be aware you had more options, and no matter what you choose, I’ll be proud of you, because at the end of the day, I will still have you. That’s what’s most important.”

He felt something loosen up in his chest. All the hopes and lost dreams he had collected in the manor and crumpled up after his death were suddenly being reopened. “No strings no nothin’?”

“If I had things my way, I would ask you to never leave my sight, but I’ve realized I am incapable of controlling any of you, so no.”

“Are– are you real?” Jason poked Bruce’s shoulder to find he was really there. Jason was never one to hallucinate though, “Are you… an imposter? Because wouldn’t me coming back to life be suspicious? It would jeopardize our secret identities and–”

“Jason. Since when have you known me not to be prepared?”

“Literally a couple weeks ago when we were actively being pinballed around the Multiverse.” 

Bruce looked like he didn’t want to talk about that, “Well, I have been planning this for five years, and have 10 different contingencies and cover stories we could use. I can show you once we get home. Again you don’t have to decide right away.”

“Yes.” 

It was Bruce’s turn to reboot, “Yes?”

“For crying out loud, yes.” He felt like jumping up and down and pulling Bruce into a hug, but he didn’t because they’d probably slip on the driveway. “I feel like Pinocchio, yes.”

 

 

Jay really didn’t feel like getting out of bed that morning. He was barely able to fall asleep the night before. The throbbing in his knee had made it impossible to ignore the pain, but he couldn’t get his knee comfortable without making his ribs flare up, even though they were wrapped. Maybe he should’ve marked all those flips during rehearsal instead of doing them at 30%.

Though, the other reason he didn’t want to get out of bed was because it was cold. Because of the manor’s size, it did a poor job at retaining heat during the winter, and he was all toasty under all of his blankets. Once he got out from under his blankets, he would be reminded of the cold, and snow, and his first winter on the streets, and–

Yeah, no, he’s getting out of bed.

But all he could get himself to do was stare at the ceiling. He wasn’t even focusing on anything– just head empty.

No. It was not going to be one of those days where he just went through the motions. He wanted to remember today. He was touring Princeton for christ sake.

Bruce said he could drive. He can’t drive if he’s dissociating.

It’s not currently snowing in Princeton. He checked the weather the night before.

If he doesn’t start moving, the weight of everything before this moment will come crashing down on him and he won’t be able to do anything. 

It happened during the end of June when he was done with all of his finals and he didn’t have anything to distract him, so he just… powered down. He was stuck in his bed and either his mind was on a loop of some horrible thing that had happened in his life or his mind wasn’t there. Then Bruce offered him back Robin, along with the rule that if you need a break, you take a break and that’s not just for if you’re sick or injured.

But every time that Jay takes a break from Robin and he has nothing to distract him, something inside him shuts off. It happened towards the end of august, but it didn’t happen when he took a break to study for midterms. Then he extended that break into the December Holidays, and boom– everything turned off.

Until Dick physically dragged him out of bed and then to New York where he spent time doing holiday activities with the Titans. Then he got to talking with Raven, and she said it was just his body and mind finally feeling safe enough to turn off his fight or flight mode.

But Jay already gave himself the weekend to bedrot. He has stuff to do today. Places to be. He knows once he gets moving, he won’t stop, so he just has to get moving.

 

 

The giddiness of being– ha of being alive again, somewhat faded once they came inside and Jason’s fingers were next to useless, and his joints were throbbing. And with useless fingers, he couldn’t flip the pages of a book, so he was stuck with watching TV with Dick and Bruce as Jay and younger Bruce were out.

“I suggest we watch Mission Impossible.”

Dick and Jason both groaned, “Action movies aren’t interesting when you know you can do all the stunts.”

“They’re also predictable, and even though they up the stakes with each movie, you know Tom Cruise is going to succeed. Also, most of the time, the plot is just big explosions, gotta climb up this giant building with a side of a pretty lady.” 

Dick continued to scroll through the options on the TV, “Ugh, I’ve already watched all of these. I hate being in an alternate reality that’s a couple years behind ou–”

“Wait! Hold up, go back. No, the other way. Anne with an E?”

Dick whipped his head towards Jason, “You’ve never– shit, I forgot you were dead.” He clicked on the movie and grinned, “It’s an Anne of Green Gables adaptation.”

“Is it a good adaptation?”

“It was a good series.”

Jason ran a hand across his face, “They better not have ruined her.”

Dick played the first episode. They were about halfway through by the time Jay and younger Bruce came home.

“Oh! Are you guys watching Anne with an E? I love that show.”

Jason frowned and looked back at Jay, “But it’s nothing like the–”

“It’s a great show. Not based on any children’s book at all . Nope.” Jay sat in the armchair and pulled his knee to his chest, “Because if it was, it would ruin the books because it’s a lot darker than the source material. This show is great, because it’s not in any way related to Anne of Green Gables.”

Jason raised his eyebrows, and then thought back on all the episodes he’d been hating on because they took too many liberties. If he didn’t think about them as being an adaptation, he probably would really like the series. 

But then he’d start thinking the same way about other adaptations. Then again, this was pretty good, just different.

It was really good.

Jason’s eyes weren’t watering up when Mathew and Merilla officially adopted Anne. No way. It was definitely not because it hit close to home. No way.

He glanced over at Jay to see if he was having the same reaction– only to find him asleep. Honestly, Jason’s surprised he felt safe enough to sleep around them.

The college tour must’ve taken a lot out of him. 

 

Time went on, Bruce, Dick and Jason continued to work on the beacon, while Jay kept himself busy with the musical and school. Something about ‘Hell week’ and SATs. It was a big difference from the way Jason remembered splitting up his time during most of his years in the manor. Jay was more Jason Todd-Wayne than Robin. 

Soon Jason would be more Jason Todd-Wayne than just Red Hood.

He heard the rhythm of Dick coming down the stairs, except, Dick was currently at the bat computer typing up a code for the beacon… so–

“Who the fuck are you guys and what are you doing here?” Younger Dick got into a fighting stance.

Hold up, “Is that.. A mullet ?” Jason whipped his head back towards the computer, “Dick, did you have a mullet?”

Older Dick turned around in the chair and offered younger Dick an apologetic shrug, “I’m assuming your Bruce didn’t tell you. A robin is the first sign of spring. ”

Bruce looked up from the workbench, “It’s one bad night for some ART , chum.”

Younger Dick seemingly relaxed, but he definitely still had his guard up, and glanced at Jason, “Why are you taller than me?”

Jason shrugged, “Green Gatorade.” Jason looked back towards older Dick, whose ears were red, so he definitely had that haircut, “You had a mullet in 2017 and you tried to tell me that I would fit in just fine when we were in the 80s.”

“No comment.”

Younger Dick looked from Jason to Dick, “What, were you not around?”

“ I was actually not around.” Younger Dick’s face contorted in the way it does when he’s upset with Bruce– Oh right, Jay told Dick about Bruce firing him from Robin and about being scared of being kicked out, “Because I was in a coma.” 

Younger Dick paused, “What? For how long?”

“Um… that’s a great question.” Jason did a little bit of math, if he woke up on Halloween, and then Talia picked him up around May… “At max six months.”

That made Dick’s frown deepen as he slowly turned to Bruce, but older Dick cut in, “We don’t know exactly because Talia kidnapped him–”

“Oh my god, Richard, she did not kidnap me, I woke up, catatonic, and ran away from the hospital, and–”

“She found you and brought you to the league, technically against your will.”

“I was taking down league assassins on pure muscle memory, yet I didn’t attack her. That’s as close to self accord as it gets. Also, we’ve been to seven universes where she’s our mom.”

“You said we’ve been traveling to these universes because of the Law of Attraction. You probably thought of us being in a universe where Talia and Bruce were married.”

“I would not! Talia deserves so much better than Bruce.” Jason then turned to Bruce, “And I mean that full offense, Old Man. You have some major issues you need to sort through.”

Bruce looked up from the soldering bench, “What did I do?”

“You know what you did. Also, we’ve been too sappy recently. Where was all of this, say… five years ago? Huh?”

Younger Dick snorted, “You finally shedded the ‘ goody two shoes’ act.” 

That fully caused Jason to reboot, “Excuse me, goody two shoes ? You're –”

Dick’s phone chimed, and he pulled out his phone, “Speak of the angel. A snap. From Jason.” He glanced at older Dick, “Bets on what it’ll be?”

Dick gave a fond smile and shook his head, “I would say whatever book he’s reading, but he’s in rehearsal right now, so…”

“I bet he’s going to be studying, while they’re in the middle of a break.” Dick opened the snap and grinned, shoving the phone in Jason’s face, showing Jay, sitting on a set piece behind stage, knee to his chest, writing in an SAT textbook that was balanced on top of a stand along with a little line of text that said, “ Tim here, Jason told me to tell u that u guys have guests, so don’t, hehe, flip out”

“Give me that.” Jason grabbed Dick’s phone out of his hands, started walking out of reach as he typed out, “that was a horrible pun. And you call yourself a fan”

“Wdym?”

He started running because Dick was using his flippy moves to catch up, “I know you know.”

Dick ripped the phone out of Jason’s hands, “What in the world?”

Older Dick peeked over Dick’s shoulder, and then shot Jason a deadpan expression, “Seriously?”

“Terrorizing Tim is my favorite hobby.” Jason shrugged “You said he’s known about our identities since he was nine.”

Younger Dick started typing away, “But now he’s gonna think I’m terrorizing him.”

“That’s the best part.” 

“Why would I terrorize a 13 year old?”

“When I was 13 you literally told me that–”

“ I didn’t tell you anything.”

“ Ne nenene ne –”

Bruce let out a sharp whistle, “Quiet!”

“You can’t tell me what to do.” Jason and younger Dick looked at each other, “Stop that.” Dick covered Jason’s mouth, “Shut up, I’m older.”

Jason chomped down, and Dick immediately let go, “Are you?”

There was a moment when horror dawned on Dick’s face, but Bruce rolled his eyes, “You guys are the same age.”

“Yup, Jason turned 23, like, a month ago.”

Jason glared at older Dick, “You, absolute conniving, backstabbing two-timing whistle-blower. You’re supposed to be my brother and you deceive me like this? This is the single worst act of betrayal in my entire life.” 

“Holy dramatic younger brother, Batman.”

 

 

Maybe it was a dumb idea to take the SATs the same week of the musical, but when Jay registered in December, he really didn’t think it would be much of a problem. It just made the  most sense. In May, he had APs, in June he had finals, and yeah, he could always take them in August, but he still wanted to make sure he had enough time to retake the test in case he got a bad score. He also didn’t want to have to take the October SAT because it felt too close to the Early Decisions deadline.

So there he was at 8:00 a.m. on a Saturday at a school that was in the town over, because Gotham City High doesn’t offer the SATs at their school because of the possibility of a rogue attack. 

He felt his heart pound in his chest. His hands were sweaty, but his fingers were ice. He literally felt like this last night, and the night before. What even is this? He jumps off of buildings every night, and beats up pimps on a regular basis. Why does a silly little test have him square breathing?

Maybe all the adrenaline he’s had coursing through his body will finally catch up to him and he’ll have a heart attack and die.

Jay adjusted the compression sleeve on his knee, while going through the five four three two one method Alfred taught him for grounding.

He couldn’t give up just because he had an anxiety attack. Not when Jason looked so much like Papi when he said he'd be disappointed if he got anything below a 95. Obviously he knows Papi would be happy that Jay has an opportunity to get a good education. And he couldn’t waste that opportunity. He wasn’t going to.

He turned his attention to the proctor, and waited for the test to begin.

 

 

The beacon was up and running by Sunday and as a treat, they decided to catch the closing night Gotham City High’s production of Grease. Alternate reality Bruce, alternate reality Dick, and Alfred had been going to every single showing, and it was only right that they watched Jay perform, seeing all the hard work he put into it. 

It wasn’t the worst thing ever. It just… wasn’t the best. The kid who played Danny Zuko wasn’t a really good singer and slightly behind the beat while singing. Jason could see the girl who played Sandy (who played the part beautifully) eye twitching whenever they had to sing together. And maybe Jason was biased, but Jay, who played Doody, and the girl who played Frenchy definitely stole the show. He could tell from the crowd’s reaction. The girl who played Frenchy was a really strong dancer and singer, and Jay did at least one flip or crazy high jump in every high energy dance number he was in.

Jason can imagine how that happened. The choreographer asks, ‘Say, isn’t your older brother Dick the flying Grayson? Did he ever teach you how to do a flip?’  

Though, the way Jay flipped across stage gave no indication to the fact that he was Robin. They were heavier, with less bounce, and Jay acted like it took a lot out of him.

Younger Dick was the loudest person in the audience whenever Jay did a flip. It totally went against theater etiquette, but every time Jay’s grin grew wider.

All in all, it wasn’t the worst musical. Jason vaguely remembers the musical from the year before being a complete dumpster pile. 

The six of them waited in the lobby for Jay, and watched as the cast slowly emerged to greet family and friends. Jay was one of the last people to show, but he was talking with a mini Tim and a kid who Jason assumed to be Ives. Though the Ives kid seemed to break off with a wave and head to his parents.

Jay was on a path towards them, but he kept getting stopped and congratulated. And even though Jay was staying polite, it was obvious he was out of his comfort zone. 

“Oi! Mr. Superstar! Broadway called, they want their Blockbuster back!” 

Some of the tension seemed to drain out of Jay as he carefully made his way to them, avoiding anyone else that seemed to come his way by being entirely engrossed in a conversation with Tim, “...to say the words ‘thank you’ so many times in the past three days, I’m starting to feel like a broken record.”

“The main thing they’re complimenting you on, are your flips. Those were like, fours. At best.”

Jay frowned, “I’d like to see you do six flips, while singing and dancing. An entire week in a row.”

“I feel like I could.” Tim had a slight smile that seemed to say ‘I know the exact thing you’re trying not to tell me.’ which he does. Which is probably why Tim looked a little confused when he saw Jason, Older Dick and Older Bruce. Obviously they were in disguises, aka, Bruce and Dick grew out their facial hair, and Jason was pulling off the Clark Kent special, so really they were doing the bare minimum, but also, less is more. 

Tim stuck his hand out, “I’m Tim.”

Jason grinned, this was going to be so much fun, “And I’m Jason from an Alternate Universe.”

Jay facepalmed, “No he’s not. He’s joking. He’s my cousin.” Jay barely paused, searching for a name, “Peter. He can be a nuisance sometimes.”

Tim frowned, because he definitely knew Peter was Jason’s middle name, but went along with it, “You look like a Peter.”

Dick looked like he was having trouble holding back a laugh, “I’m Mark, I used to babysit Jay.”

Tim shook his hand, and turned to Bruce.

“I’m Noah. Willis was a friend of mine.”

Jason then butted in, “Aren’t you the kid who took the photos for the musical’s Instagram? They were really good.”

Tim grinned, “Thank you. It’s been a hobby of mine for a while now.”

Jason nodded, “I bet it has. You seem like someone who takes pictures of birds.”

He frowned, though it was in a what do you know sort of way, “There haven’t been any birds out in a while.”

Jason raised an eyebrow, “Whaddaya mean? I’ve definitely seen a couple today.” He glanced at Jay, who wasn’t even paying attention to their conversation. He was balanced on one leg stretching out his hamstring while zoned out on the wall behind Jason. 

Tim, being the little gremlin he was, shoved Jay over. Of course, younger Bruce immediately caught him by the elbow.

Jay steadied himself and leveled a look at Tim, "Your fervent, misguided sense of entitlement is stunning." Jay sighed, he pulled his keys out of his pocket, “I can’t wait for the three blankets and five pillows calling my name. Do you need a ride home, Tim? ”

“Actually, you probably have a plastic trophy with the title ‘ walking dictionary’ waiting for you.” Jay blinked, so Tim elaborated, “We have the cast party in like… thirty minutes. Remember?” 

“Oh. Right, forgot about that.” 

Younger Bruce frowned, “If you’re tired, Jay–”

“I’m fine.” He spun his keys, “We have enough time to hit the gas station. We’ll just buy a pack of Zestis or something.” 

“Would you like me to drive you two?”

Jay rolled his eyes, “I won’t fall asleep at the wheel if that’s what you’re insinuating.” He turned to Jason, older Dick and Older Bruce, “Thanks for coming. I know you guys have been busy.” 

“Anytime squirt.”

 Jay turned to younger Dick, “Are you leaving for New York tonight or tomorrow?”

Dick opened his arms for an embrace, “Tonight. I gotta work tomorrow. April?”

Jay grinned as he returned the hug, “You bet. I already have a list of–”

Dick pulled away, “Alright, nerd, save it for later or I’ll forget come tour time.” He turned to Tim, “It was nice to finally meet you, by the way.”

Tim grinned, “We actually have met before this, but yeah.” He looked at the group as a whole, “It was nice meeting all of you.”

“Bye guys.” Jay limped slightly on his first step, but then caught a better rhythm.

Bruce being Bruce did catch the limp, concern spread across younger Bruce’s face, “Jason?”

“Yeah, D–dad?” Jay looked back, seemingly surprised at how easily the D word came out. He glanced at Jason in panic, before blinking and looking back at Bruce with hesitation. 

Bruce wasn’t expecting it either, based on his bewildered expression, like he had been handed a great honor of being called ‘Dad’. “Have fun, son.” The words flowed like water out of his mouth. Like that’s all he’s been wanting to say. “And drive safely. I don’t want to have to explain to the Drakes why their kid was in a car accident.”

Jay grinned “Puh-lease, I’m a better driver than Dick and you know it.”

Tim side eyed him, “You drive like a grandma.”

“Hush, little freshman. Safer is better than faster.” Jay took two more steps towards the exit, but turned back and surged towards Bruce, who immediately returned the hug, mumbling something into his hair. Something he couldn’t hear from where he was standing, but could see the way Alfred seemed to lock away the moment to treasure. The way younger Dick’s face flashed with something wistful, but then turned into a proud little smile. 

It twisted something in Jason’s stomach. Part of him wanted to look at his Bruce. Try to piece together what he’s thinking. The other part forced him to look anywhere else. Not towards Jay and Bruce, not towards his Bruce, anywhere else.

He turned to the wall Jay was zoning out on early, only to come face to face with a giant lavender cancer ribbon, with a QR code to a donation center. No wonder Jay was zoned out on it earlier. It probably reminded him of Mami.

He traced a hand over the silky fabric.

God, he hopes Tim and Babs get their signal soon.

 

Jay and Tim were currently sitting in the warmth of Jay’s car, sipping on their Zestis while waiting in the venue’s parking lot. They were about 15 minutes early, and the only person in there was the music director, who was nice, but one on one conversations with her were kinda awkward, so they decided to wait for more people to show up.

Tim was talking about gossip he’d heard while mic-ing up some of his castmates, and Jay was trying his hardest to pay attention, but he couldn’t ride the adrenaline high anymore. He was sore all over in addition to the ache that refused to leave his knee. He’s starting to think he seriously ruined something in it. Which was so dumb because he hasn’t been out as Robin in almost a month, yet this morning his knee was all red and slightly swollen. The compression sleeve apparently wasn’t doing its job.  

He rested the Zesti on his knee, letting the coolness numb the pain. If anything it made it feel worse.

Tim leaned back on the headrest, “So… your cousin. Peter.”

Jay groaned. He knew that bald face lie didn’t fly at all. “Ya know what? I know you know. Let's just stop pretending.” He really just… didn’t have the energy to come up with a lie.

“Well, there goes plausible deniability.” Tim took a sip of his Zesty, “There’s no way that was supposed to be you. He’s too tall.”

Jay massaged the area right below his kneecap, “He died when he was fifteen and then came back to life. Dick said he spent time with the League of Assassins and possibly took a dip in a cursed fountain of youth. So that's probably why he's tall. Magical growth hormones.”

“Fuck.” Tim looked out into the parking lot, “That seems like the lottery of trauma.” He turned back to Jay with a shit eating grin, “Maybe you should go for a swim. Grab a couple feet of height.”

“Don’t go shaming me for being short. Alternate reality Dick said you stop growing at 5 '6”.”

He frowned, “How would they even know me?”

“I dunno, Tim.” Jay still didn’t understand the logic of letting another kid be Robin after the last one died in the suit. (He snooped and found the comic books in Jason’s room, and he had said it was pretty much scene for scene how he died.) Obviously, he didn’t know the context behind most of the things that happened in their universe, and it was a lot, so he just… tried not to dwell on it. 

“Do normal Bruce and Dick know I know?”

Jay nodded.

“Can I see the batcave?”

He just side eyed Tim.

 

 

The next morning, Jason, Dick, Bruce and Bruce were all sitting around the table eating breakfast, when Jay came down with eyebags to rival Bruce’s and flushed skin.

He made eye contact with Jay, who’s eyes began to look glossy, but he blinked a couple times, before sitting in his seat. 

Well, Jay’s definitely sick, but not missing school for anything. He never did.

“Master Jason, are you feeling alright?”

He looked in the general direction of where Alfred was, giving him a slight nod, before looking back at his bowl. Jay picked up his spoon, and began pushing it around, when his eyes started to droop and–

Jason caught Jay by the forehead before he could face plant into his oatmeal. 

Then he frowned and placed the back of his hand to Jay's forehead, glancing at younger Bruce and then Alfred, “I think he has a fever.”

Bruce placed the back of his hand on Jay's cheek, “Hm. 100.7.”

Jay blinked lazily at Bruce, “‘m fine.”

“You’ve had a lot going on this week. Maybe you should rest.”

“I’m…” Jay trailed off, eyes turning glossy again, so he buried them in his palms, “I’m so tired.”

“I know. Alfred, could you call the school? And Lucius?” Bruce accepted a damp cloth from Dick, placed it around Jay’s neck, and smoothed back his hair, “Why don’t you try to finish your food and then you can go back to bed.”

Jay just nodded and picked up his spoon.

 

Jay’s fever was slowly rising throughout the day, causing younger Bruce to slowly become more and more frantic because Jay refused to take any form of medication. Now that Jason really thought about it, despite the couple times he has gotten sick, he’s never gotten a fever while living in the manor. 

Currently, Jason was trying to read, but younger Bruce was looking through the shelves that held Thomas Wayne’s old medical textbooks, but they didn’t seem to have what Bruce was looking for. He pulled out a couple herbology books and went to sit in the armchair closest to Jason.

“Bruce, Alfred already gave Jay pansy tea with ginger and lemon.” That’s like, the first natural remedy you find on a mommy blog.

“His fever is at 102.6, now.”Still Bruce continued to flip through the pages, “When Dick was younger, his fevers never got this high. He’d take the ibuprofen and be better the next day, but Jason just won’t take it. I tried, Alfred tried, even Dick tried.” Bruce suddenly had a look on his face that meant he had a Batman idea. 

Jason threw his pack of post-its at Bruce, “Don’t you dare drug him. He’ll immediately know and then won’t trust you, and then he won’t eat anything for the next couple days, and that’s worse.”
Bruce buried his head in his hands.

Jason closed his book and rested his elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands, “Do you have those single seal packs?” He knew the answer would be no. In a family of vigilantes, it’s easier to buy painkillers in bulk, which always makes something twist in Jason’s stomach. The bottles are easier to lace with other substances. Though the single seal ones are more expensive. 

Bruce stood up and looked at Jason, “Do you think he will take them?”

Jason thought about it for a moment. The single seal painkillers were the only type he kept in his first aid kit, but most of the time it was Dick, Tim, or Steph using them. The only time he’s taken them was that one time he got sepsis, and it was a joint effort from Steph and Dick to actually get him to take them. “I’m not sure… but he’s more likely to take them with the sealed packaging. I could try to convince him, but I’m not gonna push it.” It would be pretty hypocritical. 

Bruce was already gone. 

So that’s how Commissioner Gordon feels.

Jason picked his book back up and continued reading. Not thirty minutes later, Jay limped into the library, wearing his blankets like a cape, and he sat down right next to Jason, using him as a human shield, from Bruce who was on his tail.

“Jason please, if your fever gets any worse, we’ll have to–”

Jason motioned for him to put the medicine and glass of water on the table. Bruce relented, and to his credit, didn’t complain, when Jason waved him off, but Jason was certain that he was going to sit outside the library doors. 

Jay sighed in relief, “Finally. Some me time.”

“Uhuh, and what does that make me?” Jason asked while flipping a page.

Jay frowned at him, but apparently didn’t see the give Jason a response, so he continued to read. He could feel Jay’s eyes on him, but considering how sick he currently was, Jason assumed he zoned out, “Did you overheat over there? Maybe three blankets are too many.”

Jay kicked off two of the blankets, and immediately started shivering like a chihuahua.

“Jason, I need a response. If a fever gets too high, it can cause brain damage.”

Jay pulled his blanket around himself tighter, “Shuddup– you’re not real.”

Jason was about to retort back with an ouch, I feel pretty real , when a smaller shivering Jay superimposed onto Jay’s shivering figure. One, who in his last moments thought that Jason was his Papi, because he was so out of it.

So… Jay probably thought he was a hallucination. Though his fever wasn’t high enough for one. It was, however, high enough for confusion, and he’s not going to actively pretend to be Papi, but he wasn’t going to correct Jay until he explicitly said something about it.

“You should take the medicine. It’s the good kind too. Name brand and all that.”

Jay shook his head, “No.”

“Ok.” And yeah, maybe Jason eased up way too quickly, but he could always go back to that point. Or use reverse psychology. Whatever makes more sense in the moment. 

He continued reading, while Jay continued to shiver and stare, “What book are you reading?”

“The Chronicles of Narnia.” The spine was worn, not too much, but that perfect amount where you could easily flip the pages. It was a hardback, and there were post-it notes on the pages that his favorite scenes or lines were on. “I know it’s more of Mami’s thing, but would you like me to read to you?”

Jay nodded.

Jason flipped back to the beginning of ‘Prince Caspian’ and started to read out loud. Three chapters in, Jay started listing towards the side, until his head brushed Jason’s shoulder, and he shot back up in confusion.

Jason rolled his eyes, “Yes I’m real. You should probably take the medicine if you thought I was a hallucination. It’s in single seal packaging, so it’s unlikely that it’s been tampered with.”

“No.” Jay grabbed one of the pillows on the couch and placed it on Jason’s lap, before resting his head on the pillow. “Continue reading.”

So he did, and he found himself carding his fingers through Jay’s hair, just like Mami used to do with him. Now that he thinks about it, he thinks they read the entire Chronicles of Narnia while Mami got her chemo. He was young at the time. He only really remembers reading the series in the manor, but every time he reads the books, something melancholy settles in his chest. He always thought it was because the Pevensies died, but… maybe it’s because it reminds some part of him of her.

He heard Jay’s breath catch, and nothing really exciting was currently happening in the book. Then it hitched again and–

Oh shit, he was crying. Jason made him cry. Bruce is gonna kill him. But also, Jay’s fever was probably up to 103 by now, so it could hardly be Jason’s fault.

“What’s wrong?”

Jay sniffed and wiped the tears from his eyes, “Nothin’.” He took in a shaky breath, “I was just thinking about Mami.” it came out pretty even, and Jason was about to start reading again, when Jay just started sobbing.

Fuck. What was he supposed to do? He wishes Dick was here. He’d know what to do. Jason rubbed little circles into Jay’s shoulder, “Hey, it’s ok. I still miss her too.”

“No– It’s not– you don’t–” He started sobbing harder, “I’m sick .”  

Jason pressed the back of his hand to Jay’s temple, “I’m not Bruce, but I’m pretty sure your fever has continued to rise.” 

“Fuck.” Jay looked like he was about to say something else, but he sat up abruptly and grabbed the box of Motrin. He wiped the tears from his eyes, and carefully inspected the box for any indication it could be tampered with. Then he set it back down on the table, rubbing the palm of his hand into his knee.  “I’m really sick .” His eyes began to water again, “I don’t– I can’t– not like Mami.”

Jason focused on the small little box on the table, “It was only bad when it didn’t come from a safe place. Bruce probably got that from a fancy Bristol CVS. And the fancy Bristol CVS had to get it from Texas. On an FDA-audited cGMP-certified site. It’s not Hydrocodine, and it’s only this once. Just to bring down your fever.”

Jay stared at Jason. Like he was debating telling him something, but then his expression hardened, “You don’t get it.” He sniffed, “Of course you don’t get it. She wasn’t your mom.”

It was scathing and did its job at picking at the scab wound that Jason never really had the chance to heal. It made Jason want to spit back a retort equally as cruel, “She might not have been my mom by blood, but she also raised me. And I know for a fact that she didn’t raise you to use her name in a vain argument just to get someone off your back because you’re anxious about taking a pill.” He stood up to leave, but paused, “I’m not forcing you to do or take anything, but I will say, if you don’t take the fever reducers, you’ll have to go to the ER.”

Jay seemed to pale at that, and eyed the box, “Can…can you stay?”

He rolled his eyes and sat back down, also staring at the box. 

He counted to 84 before Jay finally picked up the packaging again. 73 as he inspected the box once more. Then another 57 before he actually opened the thing. Jay slid the plastic tray that held the individual pills out of the box. Where he just stared at it.

Jason wasn’t going to rush Jay. Hell, it probably took Jason longer just to open the box when he had sepsis.

Jay took a deep breath in and broke off the little square. He held his breath for a count of eight as he peeled back the foil that sealed the tablet in, and breathed out on a count of eight while keeping his eye on the pill like it might explode.

Jason was square breathing right alongside the kid. And he wasn’t even the one taking the damn thing. He’s the least qualified person under this roof to be doing this. “You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to.”

Jay glared at Jason, and popped the tablet in his mouth. Panic immediately filled Jay’s face as he realized what he was about to do.

Jason grabbed the glass of water on the table and handed it to Jay, “Wash it down, wash it down.” 

Jay chugged the glass of water. Once he was finished with it, he leaned back and rested the glass on his cheek, like an ice pack.

Not two seconds later, younger Bruce walked in, “I’m so proud of you, Jay.” Bruce went to give Jay a hug, but he stood up and staggered out of the Library. 

Bruce frowned and went to follow Jay, but Jason grabbed his arm, “Stop hovering.”

“I’m not hovering.” Jason gave him a look, and Bruce sat down and sighed “Ok, fine. Though can you blame me for worrying?”

“Yes.” Jason was just going to leave it at that, but then he added, “He’s 16. He’s not going to appreciate you hovering. There are going to be times where he needs you like water, but if– hmm… it’s kinda like a plant. If you overwater it, it wilts, if you underwater it, it shrivels up. But if you water it the right amount…”

“It blooms.”

Jason nodded, “Usually, you seem to be doing a good job at riding that middle line of letting Jason know you’re there if he needs you. I mean, he did call you Dad yesterday– but right now, you’re overwatering. Wait at least 30 minutes.”

“Ok.” Bruce nodded, “That’s a really good analogy, by the way.”

“Thanks.” Jason grinned, “If you’re planning on writing a parenting book, quote me.”

 

 

That weekend, after his fever had broken, Jay let Tim into the batcave.

To start his Robin training.

Did Bruce know that? No. Did Tim know that? Also no. But the only thing keeping Jay from officially hanging up the cape was the thought of leaving Bruce without someone to protect his six. Obviously there was Helena Bertilini and Stephanie Brown, but Bruce didn’t trust them. Not in the same way he trusted him or Dick. And Selena mostly stuck to Crime Alley. 

He needs to have his affairs in order, and Robin was the biggest object. 

Jay probably would’ve chosen Stephanie to take up the mantle. She seems to have that Robin sparkle, and kinda reminds him a bit of Dick. Caring and kind, but not to be underestimated because she does have an aggressive streak. Not that Jay ever did underestimate her. But her dad did. And now he’s in Blackgate. She’d actually be a really good Robin, considering she's already out some nights fighting crime, and she’s proven herself to be really smart. But she doesn’t know their secret identities and Tim does.

Pros and cons. Mainly pros.

Jay has seen her a couple of times around school. Though he’s interacted with her more as Spoiler and Robin rather than Stephanie and Jason. She’s a year older than Tim, but he skipped a grade so they were both freshmen… “Hey Tim. Do you know a Stephanie Brown?” 

Currently, they were running a simulation under the guise of fooling around, but Jay was trying to assess where Tim’s skill level was currently at. Another pro about Tim is that apparently he’s been taking martial arts classes for a while, and was already pretty good at fighting. Not vigilante good, but better than your average person.

“Yeah. She’s in my geometry class– aw… shit!” a holographic mugger had stabbed him in the gut, causing the simulation to end for him. “And my world history class. What about her?”

Jay finished off the rest of the muggers and smirked, “Nothin’.” He made sure to keep his breathing even, “I was just tryna distract ya.” not quite. He put the name in Tim’s mind, and now, he’d keep an eye out for her. 

Tim gave him a deadpan look, as he flopped on the floor “For Gotham’s physical manifestation of hope, you sure are a dick.”

That made Jay grin, “All I’m hearin’ is that I’m great at my job. Almost like the original.”

“Please. With your sloppy ass flips, you’re not even close to being Dick Grayson.”

Jay carefully lowered himself onto the floor and brought his right knee to his chest, “At least a nine year old with a hyperfixation won’t figure out my secret identity.”

That seemed to get Tim to pause, and flip him off. “You know what will give your secret identity away?”

“If this is the point where you betray me, I’m going to kill myself before Bruce does with his lecture about trusting people.”

Tim clutched his fake pearls in offense, “Do you truly think so little of me? No. I was going to say your premature grays.”

That got Jay scrambling for his phone. When was the last time he touched up his roots? Wait– he did it the night before opening night, “You contemptible human splotch, I touched up my roots a week ago! This is why your parents don’t love you.”

“I’m an angel in my parents' eyes. They love me. Can you say the–” Tim cut himself off when he realized what he was about to say.

“The entirety of Gotham thinks I’m an angel.” 

Tim smirked and pointed up, “Angel Robin.”

He knew Tim was referencing Jason’s death, but it made something twist in his stomach. He shook his head, “What are you talkin’ about? He’s Jesus Robin. Duh.”

 

Jay was right about the whole ‘placing Stephanie’s name into Tim’s head so he’d hang out with her’ thing. Except he was right in the wrong way, because apparently Tim had gotten her snap and they were ‘talking’ . Tim ‘talks’ to a lot of people. At the same time. So that kind of makes things a bit messy… but it’s ok. He’ll work it out. Mainly, it’s for him to create a real world connection with her if she ever needs someone. Because he knows Bruce, and if it seems like Jay was close to her before he– no. He might not, he might– quits. Before he quits, he might trust Spoiler to be more of an ally. 

Hopefully.

So there Robin was, waiting on a fire escape in the Burrows that’s near a diner Spoiler’s known to frequent. He could’ve waited on the roof of her house, but that would be too intimidating. This way it’s more casual.

He heard the fire escape rattling above him and knew it was her coming down. Batman would be much more silent.

“Hi there Robin. I see you gotchur big boy pants on.”

“Thanks. They have pockets.” While technically, it was warm enough for him to go back to wearing the green shorts with flesh colored tights underneath, he was wearing green cargo pants to hide the compression sleeve he had on his knee. He still hasn’t told Bruce about it, and he intends to keep it that way until he has all his affairs organized. “I gotcha some waffles. Ya don’t havta eat ‘em now.” He handed the to-go bag to her.

“I’m not complainin’ ‘bout free food.” she paused and looked around, “Is the Bat with ya? Is this supposed to be a trap?”

“Nah, the Bat’s in Burnley.” He played with the straw of his milkshake.

 “Gotcha, gotcha.” She nodded, taking the box out of the bag, and lifted her mask over her mouth, “So, Boy Wonder, what brings ya here this time? Epic team up? Soon we’ll be more popular than you and your boss.”

Jay gave her a small smile, “Nah. I just wanted to talk with ya. I dunno, there’s not many heroes our age.”

“And how d’ya know I’m not… 37.”

He slurped his milkshake in response. 

Spoiler put her fork down and tilted her head in exasperation, “Robin, this is how you get groomed.”

He paused, “How old do you think I am?”

“I dunno, 12? 13? You’re kinda short for a 13 year old, though.”

Jay slowly nodded. He might’ve had a growth spurt recently, but he was still only 5’4”. “I’m older than you think, Barney. And, I know you’re around my age because Batman’s kinda a stalker. Sorry.”

She turned to look down over the streets, “Is that why you’re here? To apologize for your creepy old man’s behavior and then stick me in juvie for vigilantism?”

“That would be pretty hypocritical.” he dangled his feet over the edge of the fire escape, also looking down. If he was higher up and he fell, he would go splat and everything would stop. That would surely be easier. “And no, that's not the reason I’m here.” He dug out a slip of paper from his pocket. “That has my number on it. Batman doesn’t really trust you, but I do. If you ever need anything, whether that be better gear, someone to help clean up some bad guys, or just someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me a text.” He went to stand up, “You’re Robin approved. Don’t forget that.” And he grappled away.

 

According to Dick, something was off about Jay. Yeah, sure, maybe the kid was spending a lot more time in his room and lowkey self isolating, but “He probably wants some time to himself. We’ve been staying with them for over a month, and we’re practically strangers. Not to mention, he’s just getting over another fever.” It was weird. They happened within a month of each other. And Jason considered himself to have a pretty good immune system. He’d only get seriously sick, once every couple years.

Dick frowned at the plate he’d set down, “I don’t think that’s it.”

“Ok… then what do you think is off?” Jason placed the water pitcher in the center of the table.

Dick stayed silent as he gathered his thoughts until they finished setting up the table and then he motioned towards the porch. “Ok.” He started as soon as he shut the door behind them, “I haven’t talk to either of the Bruces about this yet, because it’s… it’s–” He clamped his mouth shut, and took in a breath through his nose, “Fuck, this is so much easier to talk about with strangers.”

So this was probably something really serious. Like, spilling things to a stranger is easy because you don’t know them, but as soon as you try to say the same things to someone you have a history with… 

Dick pursed his lips, “Ok, so, remember back in the fifth reality we went to, when, um, we were at your grave?”

“...yes?” That was honestly the second least traumatizing Death of Jason they’d experienced throughout their whole trip. “What about it?”

His knee started bouncing up and down, but then he straightened up, and stilled himself. “I’ve been thinking of something you said when we were there, and I was planning on talking about it once we got home, but now I feel like it kinda relates to what I’m feeling is off with Jay.” Dick looked Jason square in the eyes. The look was like steel, yet it was filled with so much apprehension, that Jason couldn’t break away. “You said you’re supposed to be dead . Which, I don’t believe to be true at all. You came back for a reason. A reason those higher entities who call you a mistake don’t even know, which makes them fear you.”

“Dick–”

“Let me finish. I’m not going to push this conversation now. I’m not going to push it if you don’t want to have the conversation ever. Just know I’m here for you if you need me. I’ve had my fair share of issues too.”

He looked out to the rose bushes that were still bare due to the late March temperature fluctuations.That… that was a lot to unpack, but he did say they could unpack it later, or never, so he focused on the bigger issue, “I… don’t think I see how this relates to Jason.” 

“Yes you do.”

“Ok, I don’t see why you’re asking me .” He shifted so his entire body was facing Dick, “I wasn’t able to be 16 years old. For all we know, they could literally be mood swings. For me, the highs have always felt like I could touch the moon, and the lows were like falling into the Mariana trench.” He drummed his fingers on the armrest, “I get you’re concerned, but also, Jay has goals that are a lot clearer than the dream I refused to let myself believe in before I died. He knows he has a place here. He wouldn’t give all that up.”

“You really think so?” 

Jason paused. The memory of why Gloria Stanson hanging in her room had felt like it ripped something out of him and shoved something in. Because there were certain parts of his time on the streets that he refused to remember. And her hanging there because of what Garzonas had done to her–

It forced him to remember.

And not in the way he remembered while running into the people he worked for. Those people had made something under his skin crawl in a way that had him scrubbing his skin raw.

Gloria had reminded him of it in vivid detail. And he remembered watching Garzonas fall, wondering if the splat would make everything finally stop so he could catch up. 

But they were just intrusive thoughts. He would’ve never acted on them. 

Right?

Intrusive thoughts are probably what runs through his brain the most ever since his dip in the Lazarus pit, but he’s never acted on them.

There was a knock on the door, before Alfred opened it, “Supper is ready, Masters.”

They walked back inside to wash their hands before sitting down at the table with Bruce, Bruce and Jay.

Jay who… looked thinner than when they’d first met. Whose eyes seemed to have bags that could rival Bab’s. Whose skin appeared to be dull, even though he’s been recovered from his second fever for a week and a half.

He looked to Dick, who was giving him a barely there ‘ see what I mean?’ look.

Jason piled some more food onto Jay’s plate, “You gotta eat more, kid. Otherwise you’ll never be as tall as me.”

Jay grimaced for a second before masking it behind a neutral mask, and turned to look Jason in the eyes, “You had a Lazarus Pit.” he pushed around some vegetables on his plate, “‘sides, I wasn’t plannin’ on it. Growin’ wrong sucks.” he barely mumbled under his breath.

Younger Bruce was talking to older Bruce, and Alfred, but Dick definitely heard, because some of the blood rushed from his face.

Jason looked back to Jay, “What? What do you mean?”

A flurry of emotions flashed over Jay’s face before settling on a glare, and standing up, “You’re an idiot and you don’t know nothin’.” and stormed out.

Jason pushed his chair out to follow, but Dick stopped him, “I’ll go.” and just like that, he was gone.

Younger Bruce frowned, “What’s the matter?”

Jason just shrugged, “Nothin’.”

 

 

Jay stopped, taking a break halfway up the stairs, heart pounding in his ears. Jason figured it out. Of course he figured it out. He knew he was going to figure it out first and that’s exactly why he’d been avoiding him. Now Jason was going to tell Bruce, and it was going to ruin all of his plans and they’re all going to treat him differently and–

God, he wants to be able to talk to Mami so bad.

He sat down on the stairs, rubbing the knot that was forming under his sturnum. Bruce was going to find out eventually. He just wanted to tell him about it once he had all of his affairs in place. He wanted to tell him when he was ready to.

Dick sat down next to him. Seemingly not keen on filling the silence with anything.

Honestly, Jay was pretty sure that Dick would’ve gone ghost for a couple hours after learning. At least he was sure that’s what his brother Dick would do. Then he’d come back and insist they watch a lousy reality TV show together. 

Honestly, this Dick was pretty diffent from his brother. Still the same person fundamentally, but a lot more mature. Which made sense, considering he was like… 30.

Jay held himself as stiff as cardboard. Waiting for Dick to say something like ‘I’m so sorry,’ or ‘We’re going to help you get better.’

“You know, you and Dick seem a lot closer than my Jason and I were when he was Robin.”

Jay shrugged, not knowing where this was going, “You’re a busy person. I get it. I’m pretty sure your Jason gets it too…” He pulled his knee to his chest, and turned his head to look at Dick, “I’m assuming he told you guys?”

Dick pursed his lips, “No. I actually told him, but we haven’t told Bruce yet.”

There was a short burst of relief that morphed into guilt, “Why would you tell Jason?” He placed his forehead on his knee. It’s rule number one of telling people about heavy experiences they’ve seen happen to their parents at a young age.

He could feel the guilt radiating off of Dick, “I’m sorry. I just… I wanted to make sure before I jumped to conclusions, and considering you and Jason have similar experiences–”

“We don’t? I mean, technically, genetically, we’re not even the same person.”

Dick paused, “Wait, what are you talking about?”

Jay lifted up his head, “What are you talking about?”

“I thought… you were depressed. Like… dangerously so.”

The knot under his sternum unraveled, “I don’t want to die! I wanna have a life. I want to live . God, I just started to actually let myself live, why would I give all this up on purpose?” If he had a choice he’d live a long healthy life, “Sometimes the PTSD catches up to me. That’s all. Bruce and I, we have a system for when things get harder to deal with. Babs is also working on a Therapy AI for the Justice League, the Titans, and any other heroes who might need it. I’m currently the Guinea Pig, but it’s helped me sort through some things. All she needs to work on is making sure everything stays confidencial and can’t be hacked.”

He could feel the tension dissipate from Dick, “Then what did you mean by ‘you weren’t planning on growing’. ”

He banged his forehead against his knee grasping for strings, “Growing bones suck.” he finally settled on. Cus they do.

Dick slowly nodded, “Growing pains?”

That… was actually a sturdy rope, “Yeah.” It would buy him the time that he needs and provide an excuse, “But also, I know I probably won’t grow much more. Maybe an inch or two. Childhood malnutrition’s a major setback.” and maybe if he wasn’t finally shooting up, his bones wouldn’t be as dilapidated. “It’s just been a busy couple of months, and I think everything’s finally catching up to me. I’m ok, though, and I do realize I could’ve worded that better.”

“I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.” he laughed, “Some detective I am.”

“Yeah.” some detectives, alright.

 

 

Jay had just finished taking out some would-be rapist with Spoiler. He cuffed the unconscious man to the nearest lamp post as Spoiler consoled the woman.

Something was bubbling under his chest. It was dread, it was ire, it was– something inside him that refused to heal. That kept growing and growing and growing and–

He realized he’d fully zoned out while helping Stephanie walk the woman home, and now she was leading them to the old playground that had long since been known for child traffickers. 

They both sat on the two tire swings, in silence until Jay said, “Ya know, the first time I met the Bat, I was boostin’ his tires.”

She let out a surprised laugh, “What? You stole Batman’s tires.”

He offered her a tired smile, “Yeah. It’s not a story I get to tell often. Seein’ as, ya know, secret identities. He caught me of course. Cus he’s Batman, but I hit him with the tire iron and ran away. I didn’t even get all four.”

Stephanie was full on laughing at that point, “Now all I can picture is a scrawny little eight year old hitting Batman in the ankles and calling him a loser.”

“I actually called him ‘ a big boob’ . And I was twelve. Again, I’m older than you think.”

Stephanie tilted her head, doing the math, “And you’ve been Robin, for what, three years? You’re 15?”

“16.” He corrected, “I’ll be 17 in August.” Jay looked up to the moon. It was full tonight, and he bets the gravity of it was causing the throbbing in his knee to be unbearable, “It’s a pretty good retirement age, doncha think?”

Stephanie looked at him, “Jesus Christ you’re short.” She also looked up at the moon, “Ya know, there’s a rumor that Nightwing was the old Robin. Same flips, same jokes. Knows the lay of the land.”

Jay scooted the swing so he was a bit closer to Steph and whispered, “Between you and me, that rumor’s right, but don’t tell anyone.” he let go and the swing started rocking at an angle.

“So, you’re plannin’ on graduating. Gotta new name yet?” She timed the swing so that they were in sync, “Am I gonna see ya around, or are ya gonna leave for New York like Big Blue?”

“Nah, like I said, I’m retirin’. Hanging up the cape. I haven’t told Batman yet though. I just wanted to let ya know just so you’re not blind sided if there’s a new Robin after me.”

“I’ve never heard of a superhero retirin’.” They swung in silence for a minute, “Are you dyin’ or somethin’? Is this the last time I’m gonna see you?”

A low ringing filled Jay’s hearing, “Hopefully not.” 

“...To which question?”

“Madame Eggplant, your questions are startin’ to lean into the ‘too personal’ side.” He looked at the bench Mami used to sit at as Papi helped him on the monkey bars, “Besides, you have my number. If ya miss me too badly, just call.” He leaned his head against the rope, “I’ll try to see if my boss’ll let me spill the beans on who I am.”

“I think Gotham’s gonna miss you, Boy Wonder.”

He looked back to the moon with a rueful smile, “I’ll miss her too.”

Ok, so, Tim was coming pretty far in his training, Stephanie has his number and knows to expect a new Robin, so now all that’s left is to tell Bruce he’s retiring. Four week notice. His week with the Titans would be his official last week as Robin.

Now how he goes about that… that’s the real question. 

Currently they were busting a drug trafficking ring. Batman and Robin. The dynamic duo. As they should.

Did each kick send a throb through Jay’s leg? Yes. Did every flip make him want to crumple into a ball, cradle his knee tight to his chest and cry? Yes. Though he had a job to do. He could cry about the pain later. And who knows. Maybe it would just go away on its own.

He knows that’s not how it works.

Robin took out the last goon in his corner of the warehouse, searching around the place for any more threats. Batman was also done and cuffing up all the goons.

“Are you alright, Robin?”

Jay controlled his heavy breathing and nodded, “Yeah.” He walked over to the crates, making sure to keep the weight on both his legs even. 

He paused, hands resting against the closest crate. God, he was so tired . 

“Robin?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good, B.” but he couldn’t put enough strength in the words. They trailed off at the end. So he pulled a batarang out of one of his pockets and pried open the crate.

Explosives?

He walked around the crates and– “Bomb. Batman there’s a bomb. Twelve minutes 53 seconds.”

“Evacuate the building.” Batman threw an unconscious goon over each of his shoulders in a fireman’s carry.

Jay hoisted a dazed goon to his feet and encouraged him up, supporting most of his weight. And that was their system. Bruce carrying the unconscious ones and Jay dragging the ones who were barely there.

Except he could barely support himself with his bad knee, much less grown men who were double his size and weight. Still he pushed through. There were people’s lives on the line. They were only working these jobs because they needed the money. They didn’t deserve to die a fiery death.

His right leg was numb with pain, and his left leg buzzed in exhaustion. He could feel his heart pounding in his temples and sweat trickle down his neck.

This was the last person. He could see the safety of Batman’s cape in front of him, moving the victims further from the blast radius. He was almost there.

Then the world went bright behind him. He tackled the person he was holding to the ground, covering both of them in as much of his cape as possible.

A blast of hot–burning air– swept through his hair as the crack of the explosion caused his ears to ring. 

“ROBIN!!!”

Jay rolled off the goon as soon as he was sure the explosions were done, because he was 90% sure he was on fire.

A dark fabric kept batting at his head. 

Something wrapped around his upper arm, and pulled him up into a seated position, but he immediately pulled away. No way was he getting kidnapped. 

Then he looked at who was trying to help him.

“ Dad.” Jay leaned his head on the bat on his chest. 

Bruce wrapped his arms tighter around Jay, and planted a kiss on his forehead, “Don’t… don’t ever scare me like that again. Do you hear me?”

He barely could, because his ears were ringing, but he nodded, “Then you’ll be thrilled to hear that I’m handin' in my four week notice.” 

Bruce let out a sigh, “ Thank God.”

Huh. Apparently it wasn't that hard.

Ever since Dick told Jason that he had just jumped to conclusions, Jason couldn’t help but feel a surge of vindication, because of course he knows himself best.

Except, he knew himself best, and there was something wrong.

Obviously, the kid almost got blown up a couple days ago, but other than the singed hair, and fussing over how he can apply burn cream himself (which, makes sense), like Dick said, something was off . The weight loss, the dull skin, the visible exhaustion. It was like something was sucking the life out of Jay.

Nope. He’s not allowed to think like that. Positive thinking attracts positive vibes.

They were all currently down in the cave, debating on whether or not they should amplify the beacon’s signal, or just make their own interdimensional machine. They made the beacon because they didn’t expect to be in this reality for as long as they had been.

He glanced at Jay who was sitting on a stool, kneading the area right below his knee, seemingly zoned out. Jason backed out of the circle he, Bruce, Bruce, and Dick were in to lean against the table next to Jay, “You ok?”

Jay sat up straight, “Yeah. Just… growing pains.”

Jason nodded. He remembers having those when Alfred’s meal plan started to actually prove fruitful. He also remembers freaking out whenever his elbows ached because he was afraid he’d have an x-ray come back and show he had a tumor just like Mami. Obviously, that was before he realized he didn’t have a genetic disposition to cancer. Not like–

No. He’s probably over thinking. 

“If you want, I can show you some stretches I usually do when my chronic pain flares up.”

Jay frowned, “Right now?”

He shrugged, “If you want.”

Jay looked to where Dick and the Bruces were pointing out the pros and cons of building a new interdimensional machine when time could just be moving differently across realities. “Yeah, sure, why not.”

They moved towards the mats, where they started with basic standing stretches– hands to toes, heel to glutes, knee to chest– then the sitting ones– sit and reach, one while flexing their ankles and the other while pointing their toes. 

Then Jason instructed Jay to go on his knees for child's pose. A crackle came from Jay’s knee, as his eyes widened and he immediately shifted his weight to extend his leg in front of him.

That… that wasn’t the pop of joints letting out an air bubble. That was the sound of a bone breaking. 

But that was nothing– bones don’t break just by putting weight on them. 

Unless…

The weight loss, the exhaustion, the fevers, the bone pains–

‘I’m really sick’ ‘I can’t– not like Mami’ ‘she wasn’t your mom’ ‘growing wrong sucks’

He opened his mouth to call for Bruce, but a hand was suddenly clamped over it, “I’ll explain in the medbay?”

Jason hoisted Jay to his feet as gently as possible, while still being firm about it, closing the medbay doors behind them and hoisting Jay up onto the cot, “How long?”

Jay tilted his head, “Has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like Papi when you’re worried.”

“And you look just like Mami when she was sick.” he spat back, “Jesus, kid, how long has your damn knee been hurting?”

“I dunno…”

Jason crossed his arms, “You don’t know.”

“Ok fine. February.” He grimaced, “Maybe at the end of January.”

‘I have no wit, no words, no tears; My heart within me like a stone’

Jason felt the blood drain from his face, “That was two and a half months ago.”

“I didn’t think it was that bad until–” Jay looked at his knee and mumbled, “Until you read to me when I had the first fever.”

 “Ok.” He took in a deep breath, trying to keep himself from yelling, “Ok. You’ve still had about a month to tell Bruce or Alfred.”

“Well I’m so sorry that telling someone felt like it made this all real!”

“Ignoring a tumor doesn’t make it magically disappear!”  

‘Is numb'd too much for hopes or fears; Look right, look left, I dwell alone;’

Jay immediately shrunk at the words, “Well, we both could just be over thinking.”

“You know who’s great at looking at just the facts?” Jason went to open the door, “Bruce!”

“Wait, wait, wait! I just– I’ll tell him, but please , just let me do it on my own time. Please.”

Just then, Younger Bruce and Older Bruce rushed in, “What’s going on?”

Jason opened his mouth to just tell them. It would be the responsible thing to do. 

‘I lift mine eyes, but dimm'd with grief; No everlasting hills I see;’

But then he looked at Jay. Whose eyes were begging him to keep this one secret. Whose eyes were carbon copies of Mami’s.

Jay practically collapsed in relief, “I, uh, dislocated my knee, but don’t worry! Jason set it back in place…”

Younger Bruce’s concern deepened, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It… happened six minutes ago.”

It’s only been six minutes? He feels like it’s been six months. He feels like he’s gone sixteen years in the past.

Bruce turned to Jason, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He was up in his face, he was miles away. He looked back to Jay who was saying something, but Jason couldn’t make it out.

Older Bruce frowned, “Jason, are you alright?”

‘My life is in the falling leaf:’

He held eye contact with Jay. For a millisecond? For an eternity? Why wasn’t the kid answering the question? He was the one who wasn’t ok. He was the one who was sick– who had cancer. It was going to slowly grow and grow until it metastasized and killed him just like–

No, she died from the lack of proper care, and fentanyl and Bruce had enough money to get Jay proper care if he just told him . 

A hand brushed against his elbow, and he pulled away. He headed towards the drawer with the knee braces, pulled out one of the hinged braces, found a pair of crutches and placed them all on the cot where Jay was sitting.

‘O Jesus, quicken me.’

Then he left.

Notes:

I dare you to go back through and find all the signs of Jay having Cancer.
It's ok I'll do it for you
1.) Jay being super tired after the Ivy Fight. That one wasn't very noticable.
2.) "My, my, Boy Blunder, you sure are growing at an alarming rate" Double meaning because the Joker is aware of the meta narrative
3.) Jay being tired after the fight with Crane
4.) Jay letting his guard down enough to fully fall asleep (none of that half awake stuff)
5.) Specifically pointing out that Catherine was Jay's birth mom not Sheila (cus genetics)
6.) Jay pulling his knee close to him whenever he's sitting
7.) Bone deep exaustion settling into Jay's bones
(Oh shit, also, Jay knowing immediately why Bruce was so worried about a broken Rib and decided to prove to him that he was alive? I felt so smart for writing that) (Also, did you know that the issue Bruce's back got broken the same day the issue where Dick proposed to Kori? I was giggling when I added that) (Also, Jason not knowing at all that Dick was engaged to Kori at some point is just funny to me)
Also, Jay talking about college because why wouldn't I?
8.) The entirety of the Jasons studying various cancers, because I needed to tell you guys the symptoms (Btw, I'm very ADHD and I can not bring myself to study no matter how hard I try, so if those meathods were wrong I apologize)
9.) Jason's dream with the messed up bones --> those were supposed to be bones with major tumors and stuff
(Also, did you catch that Bruce wanted Jason to be Jason Peter Todd-Wayne but he didn't let himself say the Wayne part)
10.) more of Jay being tired
(Also, Jason wasn't alive for Dick's mullet era, so that's why I added that) (And Jason Terrorizing Tim because 13 yr old Tim is the Tim Jason has beef with lmao)
11.) The shitty flips were also a sign
12.) Jay zoning out on the Cancer ribbon
13.) His knee being swollen :)
14.) The FEVERRR --> When Jay started sobbing that was the moment Jay knew. (I told you guys that in narrative. sorry I forgot) --> Jason: Oh he's probably scared of the painkiller
Jay: Fuck fuck fuck, I think I have cancer
15.) Jay pushing his succession plans. --> Jay like... skirts around thinking about cancer whenever I write it in his narrative,
16.) angel robin
(I also put a little nod to Tim's commitment issues in there, lmao) (Btw, I love Jason and Stephanie's friendship and we need to see more of it. Any and all their scenes were purely platonic btw)
17.) Dick sensing something's off with Jay, but not knowing exactly what it was. (I'm apologizing here for forgetting Dick's birthday, but there's already so much shit going on in this chapter I couldn't fit it in.)
18.) Thinner, tired, dull skin.
19.) "Growing wrong sucks"
20.) He could barely make it up the stair btw
(Also. Aparently the bone pains hurt more at night when it comes to Osteosarcoma. No one knows why.) (and Spoiler and Robin on the swings after taking down a rapist together, considering both their traumas with SA)
21.) "Are you dyin' or somethin'?" "Hopefully not."
(Were you guys scared at the warehouse scene? I promised I wouldn't kill him in this chapter)
22.) His knee hurting like hell again
23.) The big break --> and jason dissociating, and the poem's broken up in that chapter

Let me just take a deep breath. Wooh. That was long AND I STILL HAVE SO MUCH TO WRITE. Like I love writing, but sometimes I wish I could just zap the idea from my brain onto the page.

Chapter 12: A Better Resurrection (Part 2)

Summary:

Basically Jay gets more of his affairs in order, and visits NYU and Columbia.
Oh! And there's a tiny bit of Jaykyle, but not a lot because I just had more important plot points to hit

Notes:

Im begging you guys, please ignore the fact that Older Jason would've probably just told Bruce. It's for plot reasons. Ok. Please. Thank youuuu
I also meant to post this two days ago bc it was Jason's Death-annivarsary, but I was really busy and I couldn't finish the chapter by then.

It’s been a week and Jay still hasn’t told Bruce or Alfred.  Jason spent the first couple days walking around Gotham trying to stop his heart from exploding out of his chest. Then he beat the shit out of the training simulations– which he failed multiple times because he hit the fake version of the Joker with multiple lethal shots. 

Obviously, he has checked on Jay, and apologized for freaking out, and tried to convince him to tell Bruce, but the kid always managed to evade doing just that.

Hence why he was currently stress cooking.

Maybe four dozen chocolate chip cookies, 3 batches of blueberry muffins, and an ungodly amount of chili dogs were excessive, but he needed to otherwise he would find himself storming up to younger Bruce and just telling him. Which wouldn’t be the worst thing, but it might make things difficult.

It would be so much easier if the kid just spilled the beans himself. But Jay was holding onto that god damned can so tight. Now if Jason could just… loosen the grip…

They were all currently eating dinner on the patio, because the early April weather was nice for once. Tim was also there, because Jason had made too much food, and Alfred encouraged Jay to invite the kid. Jay had also apparently wanted to invite Babs, but obviously since Kori and Dick were together it would be awkward considering a version of Dick was at the manor.

Jason hummed, “I feel like we’re missing someone.”

Tim looked around at everyone, “Our Dick?” His face turned red, “That came out wrong.”

“Well, yeah, but that’s not it.” Jason knew exactly where he was going with this, but he had to play it right.

Dick grabbed another cookie, “Damian, Stephanie, Duke and Cass.”

“I’m not as close with them as you are, dude.” Jason took a bite out of his chili dog, and chewed as he pretended to think about it, “Oh! I know! Uncle Clark.”

Jay immediately sat ramrod straight. If Uncle Clark was here, he’d immediately see the giant brace on Jay’s knee. Then he’d use his x-ray vision, and he’d immediately make that face like someone kicked his puppy and tell Bruce. 

Then the anxiety washed off Jay’s face, and was replaced with a glare, “Seriously, Jason?”

Younger Bruce’s face went blank, “Clark… is dead.”

“You mean he hasn’t come back to life in this universe?” Jason… totally forgot about that. To his credit, he was in a coma at the time– or catatonic.

Younger Bruce frowned and then glanced at older Bruce, “Not that I’m aware of…”

Older Bruce grunted, “He didn’t come back until early May. At least for us. It could be different in this universe.”

“Oh.”

God damn it.

 

Jay wanted to bang his head on the table hard enough to knock himself out. He couldn’t sleep a wink last night because of the incessant throb in his knee.

He gritted his teeth, “Jason Peter Todd, I swear if you play ‘Drops of Jupiter’ one more time, I’m going to–” cry. He was going to cry. That’s what he would do. He was going to cry. Who plays songs about their mother who died of cancer at 7:30 in the morning? “I’m going to kill myself and blame you.”

Dick immediately whipped his head to Jay, so he added, “Hyperbole. But I will smack my head on this granite and blame it on you.”

Jason frowned, and then wordlessly switched the song to ‘Ronan’, by Taylor Swift.

And it’s not like Jay didn’t know exactly what Jason was doing. He knew what he was doing as soon as he came down and the song started playing. God he was an asshole . 

Though… it was probably an asshole move for Jay to ask him to keep it a secret. He just needs time to…gather his thoughts and figure out the right way to tell Bruce. 

Dick patted Jay’s shoulder, “Want me to drop you off at school?”

“Please.”

Dick handed him his crutches and grabbed his backpack for him as he hobbled to the garage, “April’s not the best month for him. He died on the 27th, so… that’s probably what’s with the mood and the sad songs, and all the cooking.”

He felt something twist and knot in his gut. He was making Jason’s already traumatic month so much worse, and even more traumatic because he’s reminding him of Mami and–

“Jay? Are you ok?”

He nodded, “I was just thinkin’ about how Jason really is Jesus. Did he die on Good Friday?”

Dick chuckled and ruffled his hair, “I dunno.”

 

It took him an unnecessary amount of time to get to lunch. Not only was he slower because of his broken tibia, but crutching around had him winded. It forced him to sit with Tim and his friends, because the table he usually sits at fills up before he can get to the cafeteria.

Now he didn’t mind sitting with Tim and his friends, he just felt odd as a Junior sitting with a bunch of Underclassmen. But, they also didn’t pay much attention to him. Usually he just napped the entirety of lunch. 

Well, he didn’t nap, because he could not sleep around people he didn’t trust, but he rested his eyes, and to everyone else it probably looked like he was asleep. 

Most of the table got up to get cookies, but Tim stayed behind with Jay. Then he felt the table shift on the opposite side. Except the weight shift wasn’t as drastic as it usually is with the guy who usually sits there, so it was probably someone new. 

Jay didn’t have the energy to check who it was.

“How asleep is he?” Oh! It was Stephanie. Wow, this feels like a crossover episode.

He felt a gust of air blow on his face, and jokes on Tim, Jay’s known how to fully fake sleep since he was ten. Meaning no flinching during sleep tests, “He’s out. I guess.” To Tim’s credit he probably knew he wasn’t fully asleep.

“Ok, you’re like a Batman and Robin superfan, aren't ya?”

He heard Tim pause, “How did you know that?”

“Your screensaver is subtly Robin themed, your backpack is subtle Batman, whenever they’re mentioned you pretend to not pay attention to the conversation, even though you are, and,” She let out a snicker, “I saw the stack of photos you have of them when you let me take gum from your backpack. They’re really good by the way.”

Jay knew that Tim was beet red, “Oh. Thanks.”

“Anywho, do you know the last time Robin was seen out? Cus people have been saying the last time he’s been seen was the warehouse explosion by the docks.”

Why was she worrying? He told her he was going to retire.

He could feel Tim trying not to glance at Jay, “Yeah, That was the last time he’s been spotted. Though, I’m sure he’s just recovering or something.”

“Ok. ok.” She drummed the table with her fingers, “Fuck, can you keep a secret?” There was a pause where he assumed Tim nodded, “Alright.” She leaned closely across the table, and he felt Tim move in closer as well, “I’m Spoiler, and I kinda know Robin. I don’t know who he really is or anything, but I’d consider us to be close. He told me he was planning on retiring.”

“What?” wait, he hasn’t told Tim about that yet, “Did he tell you what he’s planning on doing? Is he gonna stay in Gotham, or move to New York like Nightwing?”

“No. He said he was retiring retiring. Like no more fighting.”

“He’s giving up being a hero?” Tim’s voice was blank, “Good for him, I guess.”

“That’s not–” She sighed, “The last couple times I’ve seen him, he’s been…tired. Not as quippy or flippy. I think… I think something’s wrong.”

There was a pause, “Now that you mention it–”

Jay picked up his head, “Ya know Barney, if you were really this worried, you coulda called.” 

Stephanie’s eyes blew wide in realization– Bruce is going to go berserk– Then she glanced over at Tim, who rolled his eyes, “Ok, I know too.” Then he turned to Jay, “Jason, why the fuck didn’t you tell me you were retiring, but you told her ?”

He shrugged, “Professional courtesy. And it never really came up between us. I only told B after I got half my hair singed off. I still haven’t told N.”

“So you’re officially retired?” Stephanie raised an eyebrow, “I would’ve thought you’d make your last appearance as Robin special.”

“Technically, I have two and a half more weeks, but, uh, seeing as…” He looked at the crutches, “Can’t exactly do much.”

Tim nodded, “And as far as Gotham knows, you went out with a bang.” 

Stephanie hummed, “My mom works at Gotham General and has been talking about this kid who’s apparently obsessed with Robin. Apparently she tells the other kids stories about him. Maybe you can make that your last appearance. I can come too if ya want.”

Jay smiled, “That sounds like a good idea. Is the kid gonna be there this weekend?”

“I’ll ask my mom and get back ta ya on that.”

Jay looked at Tim, “Wanna meet your mini you?”

Tim shook his head, “I would love to, but it’d be odd for a random civilian to be hanging out with two vigilanties.”

 

 

Jason was currently in the middle of whipping up his second batch of raspberry meringue cookies– by hand– when both Bruces decided to corner him.

Honestly he wishes it was Dick. At least he could get him to eat half of the cookies to then justify Jason making more. 

“Jay, lad, your baking is really good, and we all enjoy it, but…” Older Bruce looked at the multiple tupperware and gallon sized ziplock bags filled with assorted cookies and cakes, “I think it’s beginning to teeter on the excessive side.”

He looked up from examining his peaks and determined they weren’t stiff enough, “This isn’t nearly enough. I was planning on bringing these to the homeless shelter for easter.” He continued whisking the meringue.

Younger Bruce picked up a Robin themed Peep he made and squished it, “Easter’s not for a week, Jason. You’ve also been stress cooking for a while. What’s got you all strung up?”

“Strung up? I’m not strung up. In fact, I’m Pinocchio after he got turned into a real boy. I got no strings on me.” He started whisking the meringue faster. That was probably the worst lie he’s ever lied.

There was a sharp inhale from the doorway as Jay crutched in, “If you’re Pinnochio, your nose is gonna poke a hole straight through the wall.”

Jason inspected the meringue peaks again, and was unsatisfied. “And yours could touch the moon.”

Jay froze as both Bruces immediately frowned at Jay, but Jason only needed younger Bruce to scrutinize Jay, so he gave Older Bruce the boxes of raspberries, and pointed to the sink.

Younger Bruce held up the Peep, “Peep, for a peep?”

Jay groaned, “I don’t wanna Peep.” He sat down on the kitchen stool and leaned his crutches against the countertop.

“But he does have something to Peep.” Jason added. 

Older Bruce set the raspberries down next to Jason, “Can we stop saying Peep?”

Jay’s eye twitched as he glared at Jason, so Jason just grinned back. 

Younger Bruce was looking at Jay patiently as the kid played with a part of his knee brace, “I’m pretty sure I have…” He clamped his jaw, and then took a deep breath, pressed his lips together, “...no interest in finding a partner of any sorts.” He held up little jazz hands, “I’m Aro/Ace.”

Jason set his forehead down on the countertop, and banged it once, “That’s… not what I wanted him to tell you. I did not mean to out him.”

Younger Bruce ruffled Jay’s hair, “Either way I’m proud of you, Jason.” Bruce gave him a small smile, and Jay leaned in closer. “Ok, so you’re pretty sure you have what?”

Jay looked up at Bruce, “A new Robin I would like to pass the mantle to. I’m also planning on telling Dick when I visit him next week.”

Jason made a buzzer noise, “Nope, Try again.”

Jay scowled, cracking his fingers,“I also might’ve told Stephanie Brown that I was Robin.”

Younger Bruce frowned, “You what?”

“Bruce, I think she’s a really good person, and I trust her.”

Older Bruce cleared his throat, “It takes us some time, but we trust her too. In our timeline, she becomes Robin for a brief period of time, and she’s currently Batgirl.”

“I was actually debating on making her Robin. I guess she’ll be the backup if who I'm planning says no.” He turned back to younger Bruce, “She’s a good person. We’re also planning on visiting the kids in Gotham General as Robin and Spoiler this weekend.”

Jason paused, “The kids who… have been affected by rogue attacks, or who are… sick?” Because, yeah, Jason tries to make it a point to help out in Leslies clinic, but seeing the patients who have been diagnosed with cancer is always hard. Mainly because Leslie’s clinic doesn’t have the resources to give those patients proper care.

But he realized he said something wrong when a wall of tension almost knocked him over.

Jay's face contorted like he ate something sour, “Fuck you.” He spat out, standing up and grabbing his crutches, “You’re not Jason Todd, you’re a shitstain of an excuse that crawled out of his grave.”

And-

suddenly he was 19 again. Coming home soaked in blood wondering if he was tainting his own memory.

He was 18 staring at an empty grave knowing the kid who died would’ve hated the person he became.

He was 17 holding a detonator in his hand; not recognizing the person he saw in the mirror.

But this wasn’t about him. This was about a 16 year old kid with cancer, who was too afraid to tell his dad about it for God knows what reason. And Jason has just been prodding and prodding, and– “Jason–”

“I don’t need a dead man’s opinion on how to live .” He crutched out of the kitchen and Jason started to follow him when younger Bruce grabbed his wrist.

Jason twisted his wrist out of the hold and pointed in Bruce’s face, “Watch the damn cookies. And don’t you dare eavesdrop.” 

He continued after Jay, “Wait, Jason, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Jay started hopping up the stairs, “I– Don’t– want– to–” Jay almost missed the step, but he landed on his bad leg to regain his balance. Jason supported him by the armpits and slowly lowered him to the ground before he could go crashing down.

Jay’s eyes began to water and face screwed up. He punched Jason in the chest, which hurt, but he stayed still as Jay attempted to get back up, but failed. He punched him again, “I hate you!” It could probably be heard from every point in the manor, “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” 

Each hate was reinforced with a punch, each one with less power behind it, until Jay was sobbing into his chest, “I want them here. Why aren’t they here? I just want Mami and Papi.” 

Jason felt his eyes start to burn as he wrapped his arms around the kid.

“And I-I love Bruce and Alfred, but I want them. I miss them. I-I need– I needed them.”

Jason tried to figure out something to say, but he couldn’t. His heart had crept into his throat and was squeezing his vocal chords.

He… He needs to be a real adult and tell Bruce. None of the sideways routes to get Jay to spill. He has to be direct. 

 

After Jay stopped crying, Jason made sure he got up the stairs safely and went back down to the kitchen where younger Bruce looked like he was having a crisis and older Bruce was staring at the cookies. He would’ve laughed at the sight if it weren’t for the circumstances.

“Bruce, Jason–”

Bruce picked up his head so fast, he probably got whiplash, “You died ?”

“Yes. But Jason–”

“Died, as in, your heart stopped.”

“Yeah, but that’s not important–”

“Not important ? Jason you died .”

Jason blinked, “Yeah, but you’re focusing on the wrong thing here. Jason–”

“I do not think I am focusing on the wrong thing. Why are you so calm about this?”

He groaned, “It happened like… eight years ago. This body doesn’t even have any of the same cells as the one that was buried–”

“ Buried?”

Jason threw his hands in the air, “Whadaya think Bruce did with my body? Kept it on a table for six months?”

“Six months? I thought your heart just stopped, and then CPR! How–”

“Oh so you accept Superman coming back, no problem, but when it’s me, suddenly it’s impossible.”

“He’s Kryptonian! And you–” Bruce buried his face in his hands, “you would’ve been… you wouldn’t have known–”

“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal when Jason–”

Bruce uncovered his face, leaving only bafflement, “Am I not allowed to be distraught over my son dying ?”

“Yes! You’re allowed to be! But I am not your son. Your son ha–”

“But you are my son! Doesn’t matter what universe. In every universe you exist, I will always see you as my son, and I will always want the best for you–”

“It never ends well for me!” His voice cracked on the last word. 

Bruce frowned and took a step forward, “What– what do you mean by that?”

 “Fuck.” He ran his hand down his face, “You’re watering the wrong plant.” 

That seemed to snap Bruce out of his state of distraught, sending him out of the kitchen. 

Jason went back behind the counter to pipe more meringue roses, but found himself just staring at the tray.

He couldn’t even tell him.

He literally took over the Gotham drug trade before he could legally drink, and he couldn’t tell a father that his son had a tumor.

“Jason, are you alright?”

He snapped out of whatever trance he was in, “I just hate April.”

 

 

Bad news is, Bruce definitely knows something’s wrong and is very much doing his hovering but in the Batman way– thing. 

Good news is, because Jay dropped the Dead-Jason bomb, he was hovering around Jason too and not just Jay. 

Bad news is, Jay feels super guilty for all the things he said to him, especially considering he stayed with him while he was having his... episode, and even though he’s been a complete ass about it, he still hasn’t told Bruce or Alfred about the tumor.

Good news, Bruce let him drive the Batmobile to Gotham general since grappling wouldn’t work well with his knee, and Alfred couldn’t drop them off unless they wanted to risk their secret identities.

He pulled up right next to Spoiler, and rolled down the window, “Get in loser, we’re going shopping.”

Jay was 90% sure that Stephanie was grinning under the mask as she slid in, “Wait, how are you drivin’ with your knee?”

“When your partners are generally under the age of 16, you tend to realize that autopilot features are more practical.”

She nodded and glanced at all the buttons, “I’m assumin’ you’re gonna to tell me not to touch any of them.”

“Most of them are speed enhancers or shock absorbers. You can touch them, but they won’t activate unless we’re going over 70mph.” Product of Dick’s ADHD.

“Is there an aux cord?”

“Dude, there’s bluetooth.”

 

Jay parked the Batmobile in an alleyway a couple buildings from Gotham General. Did that mean he had to crutch around farther? Yes. But Bruce told him he can’t just park the Batmobile in a normal parking space. Was that a while ago? Yes, and he didn’t think to ask if the rules change if he has a broken knee.

“Oi, Tinky-Winky, would ya mind grabbing the cookies in the trunk?” 

“‘Course, Mike Wazowski.” She went around back, “...How the fuck do I open this.”

It took them about 15 minutes to walk into Gotham General, mainly because of Jay's incredible crutching skills, and when they got there the receptionist was not impressed.

“What’s with the cosplay kids? If you’re gonna commit to being Robin, ya gotta at least wear the short shorts.”

Jay gave the receptionist (Drew) his signature Robin grin, “I wore the short shorts for almost four years. I got the road rash to prove it.”

“Look kid, if ya wanna get your knee checked out for free and without anyone contacting CPS, try the free clinic in Park Row. Ya don’t needa wear your upcycled Halloween costume there.”

“I don’t need my knee–” Well, he does need his knee to be checked out, but that wasn’t why they were there, “I’m really Robin, do you have one of those TSA bucket things? I’m about to start pulling outa buncha bat-themed things.”

Drew rolled their eyes, then looked around and gave him one of those empty paper bins. He started with his utility belt, “Ok, so I have my rebreather, some batarangs, and my grapple gun.” then he moved to his right pocket, “Some tranquilizers, a lockpick, and a universal tool,” He reached into his left pocket, “smoke pellets, bat-bolas,” He then reached into the pocket that was near his left knee, “A first aid kit, various antidotes to fear toxin, Ivy’s spores and Joker Venom and… some bat shaped goldfish.” He grinned, “I also have some stickers in the pocket under my brace.”

They blinked, “How do you fit all of that…?”

Jay gave her a little shrug, “Because I’m Robin.” He began taking the things and putting them back in its place. 

Stephanie stole the goldfish before Jay could put them back in his pocket, “We heard there was a Robin superfan, and we just wanted to say hi.”

“Let me check with Pediatrics.” Drew dialed a number, “Hey Ruth, I have Robin and one of his caped friends down here. Think I can send them up?” a pause, “Hold up, let me ask,” They looked back to them, “How long are ya kids free till?”

Jay looked to Stephanie, “I’m free for the whole day, but I’m your ride home.”

She shrugged, “I just gotta be home for dinner.”

“Before the sun sets. We took the Batmobile.”

Drew nodded, “The kids are sayin’ around 7:30. So that’s about four hours in each unit.” Another pause, “Well, I can give ‘em the bands, but you’re gonna have to figure that out.” another pause, “I’ll send them up in like… five minutes. Oh and Robin’s on crutches.”

Drew settled them with visitor passes, and Stephanie traded them for a ziplock of cookies, and they hobbled to the elevator, and went to the pediatrics floor. 

They met Ruth, who was a sweet old lady that almost refused the cookies they had brought, but did for the sake of her colleagues, and guided them to the Medical Unit.

Jay decided to leave his crutches at the door (even though Ruth protested about bones not healing right– The bones weren’t growing right in the first place) just to preserve a bit more of the Robin magic. The brace and the limp were already breaking the illusion, he didn’t need the crutches to completely shatter that.

Maybe… maybe that’s why he couldn’t tell Bruce about the tumor. Because when they put on the capes they became close to gods. Except Jay could no longer be extraordinary because his bones were growing wrong. Something in his cellular makeup was fundamentally flawed. 

No.

Today is not about him. It’s about these kids. And they deserved to be blithe. So Jay refused to let himself allow any negativity take over his consciousness. Not when all these kids’ spirits were immediately lifted just because Robin had come to visit them. 

And he was glad Steph was with him, because even though not many of the kids knew who she was, they ended up adoring her. She somehow knew every time when Jay’s energy started to run low and found ways to keep the kids from noticing that. 

They took a break around 2:30 for a late lunch, where Jay once again rested his eyes. 

“What’s got you so tired? I thought you were off the night shift.”

“Knee won’t let me sleep.” It’s become more of a routine. Resting during lunch because he couldn’t fall asleep due to the stabbing bone pains in his knee. The Pain was always worse at night.

“Why not just take ibuprofen or something?”

He shook his head. Even though he took it when he had those fevers, he’s not going to take it for pain he can power through. “Even if they’re in fancy packaging, I can never really trust them.”

She slowly nodded, “I think I get it. My mom got hurt when I was younger. Now, she’s…never off the painkillers.”

“My mom–” he played with the velcro on his brace, “She, uh, she had cancer. After a while we couldn’t afford chemo. So she switched to painkillers. Every once in a while they were laced.” He shrugged. “I guess seeing that at a young age hardwired something in my brain.” He doesn’t usually talk to anyone about this. Yeah, he’s changing the topic, “The Wayne foundation has a rehab unit. I, uh, added things into the program that I thought would help. Obviously it’s your mom’s choice, but you guys can talk to Bruce…Wayne about it when you’re ready.” 

“Thanks Robin.” She placed a hand on his arm, “And I’m sorry about your mom.” She paused and frowned, “We’re goin’ into the Oncology unit next. Are you gonna be ok?”

He gave her a small smile, “It happened a while ago. I’m fine about it now.” He’s ignoring the fact that he was crying for her like a much smaller child four days ago.

He’s also ignoring genetics and how technically he’s not fine about it now because it’s really cutting him off at the knee right now. Haha, that was kinda funny.

Not really.

If the tumor grows too large he might have to get his leg amputated. Was it already too big? He… he hasn’t really been thinking about that. Mami didn’t have to get her arm amputated. They caught the tumor early enough to scrape it off and blast any of the remaining bad cells with chemo. 

…If the tumor grew too big it could kill him. And Bruce and Alfred and Dick– they’d all be– 

He stood up.“I’m gonna call B real quick. Tell him how we’re doin’.” 

Stephanie nodded, “Can I have your sandwich?”

“Knock yourself out.”

He hobbled over to the family bathroom, shut the door behind him and pulled his phone out.

All he had to do was tell him. Three words. I have cancer. That’s all. They were just three words. They were each words that have been in his vocabulary since he was little. They weren’t foreign. They were just words. 

Words are easy.

He pressed on Bruce’s number, and waited as the line rang.

He could say it.

Three words.

I have cancer.

He would say it.

“Jay, Lad. How’s the visit going?”

“It’s goin’ good. It’s goin’ good.” He rubbed the knot forming in his chest, “All the kids love Spoiler by the way.” 

Bruce chuckled, “I already said I trust your judgment, I just need more time.”

“Yeah, I know.” It’s just three words, “Hey Bruce?”

“Yes, Jason?”

Three words. He could say three words, “I… love you.”

Those… were the wrong three words. He’s a wimp. He’s a schemiel. He’s the biggest cream puff to ever cream.

There was the sound of something dropping, then a pause, “Is everything alright?”

It’s ok. He can still tell him. He can– “We’re about to go to the pediatrics oncology unit.”

“Will you be alright? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

He shook his head, “Nah, I’m alright. Besides, I still haven’t met the kid Stephanie was talking about.” Yeah, all the kids were excited to see him, but the way most of the parents acted wasn’t the way a parent acted when their child was meeting their hero. 

Wait, he’s distracting himself, “Bruce, I–”

“Do you want me to swing by?”

He paused. Letting the blood rush in his ears from the words left unsaid, “Yeah.”

“Ok. I have a couple things to finish up, but I’ll be there in 30 minutes.”

“Ok.” Jay was about to hang up.

“I love you too, Jay. You mean the world to me.”

“Yeah.” He sucked in a breath, “Cool. Amazing. I’m gonna hang up now. Bye. See ya.” He hung up and tapped his phone against his forehead. 

It’s ok. 

It was better this way. It was definitely a conversation that was better to have in person.

Obviously he wouldn’t tell Bruce in front of the kids, or in front of Stephanie, but he’d tell him.

He’d tell him. 

He went back out to where Stephanie was, only to find her talking with Ruth. Break’s over.

It was… It was a lot harder trying to stay upbeat for these kids. He was acting like a lifeboat for these kids and their parents, when really he was being pulled into the same riptide.

At least the nurse (Nancy) who was guiding them through was nice about it. She’d take a little longer while walking to the next room, pause in front of the door to tell them the kid’s name and if they were more shy or talkative. If today was a good day or a bad day. Then she’d take her time while telling the parents– she’d just give them more time.

Then Batman came, and Jay doesn’t know if that was better or worse. 

It was better for Stephanie. Since Bruce was there she let herself slip out, if the kid didn’t seem to pay Spoiler any mind. It made guilt bubble in his stomach.

Maybe it was better for Jay, because Bruce knew him better. That also made it worse. But better. It was better.

They paused in front of the only door they hadn’t been to in the wing, “So this is our last kiddo of the day, Evelyn. She’s nine and she’s a big fan of yours. We saved her for last so she could have the most time with ya, Robin. She says she met you a while back, so– well, ya know to at least pretend to remember her even if you don’t.”

He leaned his shoulder against the wall for support, “Nanc, have I let you down at all so far today?” 

“Yes. You’ve been walking around without your crutches. Giving all the medical professionals around here aneurysms.” though she said it with a playful grin, so she couldn’t be too upset. “She’s been pretty chipper all day, so, this’ll be great.” Nancy slipped into the room to give the parents a heads up. After a minute she peeked back out, motioning her head towards the room.

Jay stopped fidgeting with the end of his cape and followed Nancy in. 

He gave a little salute to the dad, and who he assumed to be her older sister, who was filming. When he was in the girl’s line of sight, she gasped, “Robin! You came!”

The memory of a seven year old girl lost in Robinson park during an Ivy breakout was brought to the front of his mind. He remembers playing on the monkey bars with her while they waited for both Batman and her dad to find them. “Of course I did.” He looked back at Nurse Nancy, “Ya may not know this, but Evelyn and I go way back.” He sat down in the chair next to the bed, gesturing to Stephanie, “This is my friend Spoiler, and you remember Batman. From last time. God, it feels like it’s been forever. Ya haven’t gotten caught up in any of Ivy’s schemes recently, have ya?”

She grinned at his recognition, “ I haven’t, but by the looks of it, you have.” She pointedly looked at his knee brace.

“Puh-lease, ya really think someone could get the jump on me?” He lightly smacked the side of his brace, “This was a product of my own demise. Really I’m my own worst enemy.”

“We kinda match.” Evelyn shuffled around the blankets, showing off a yellow cast over her knee.

He froze. Huh, he guessed they did match. “Can I sign it?”

She looked at him with stars in her eyes, “You really wanna sign it?”

“What’s the point of having a cast if it’s not decorated?” He reached into his back pocket to grab a sharpie. 

Stay gold, ~Robin and then he started doodling a bunch of bats.

They continued talking– something about a tv show about a ladybug and a cat who were also magical superheroes– then she started talking about Harry Potter, so Jay obviously recommended Percy Jackson. Then she started talking about a tv show about gem people? And the universe? At least Stephanie understood the tv references and apparently her favorite stone was amethyst. Which made sense, because of the whole purple theme.

He could see the moment Evelyn’s Dad built up the courage to actually talk to Batman, “Thank you for coming. It really means a lot to my daughter and– thank you.”

Bruce hummed, turning his gaze from Jay to the man, “Robin has a big heart, so when Spoiler suggested visiting…”

“Wait, I gotta show you my drawings!” Jay turned his attention back to Evelyn as she reached for the bedside tray, but it was too far from her reach. 

She started to turn around to grab it, but her sister stopped her before she could hurt her leg in the process, “Let’s slow down a bit here. Robin’s not gonna magically disappear without saying goodbye.” Her sister moved the tray closer to Evelyn and sat down at the foot of the bed. Now that the camera wasn’t covering her face, he was pretty sure she was in his physics class. Crazy small world. Her name was Reagan.

Evelyn grabbed the papers off of the tray and handed them to Jay, “This one’s of you and me playing on the playground, because we never go to go on the slide, or the swings and those are the best parts of a playground.”

Jay grinned, “I would say the best part of a playground is the merry-go-round.” 

Evelyn’s Dad turned to fully face Bruce, “It still means a lot. You and Robin saving the little things.”

“This isn’t a little thing at all. If someone hurts Robin, I can punch them back. With this–”

“This one's you and Batman taking a vacation because Reggie says you guys really need one,”

“--You’re much braver than I am, Mr. Harris.” Bruce looked back at Jay, “I don’t know what I would do if I found out one of my sons were sick.”

“--and this one… this one is you fighting Cancer for me.”

Jay forced himself not to freeze. He kept his eyes glued on the drawing of Robin zapping a glob that was presumably cancer with the bat-cancer-be-gone ray, while Evelyn stood behind him.

Jay took a deep breath, “Here’s the thing about Cancer. Its power is that it multiplies. If I tried to fight it alone, it could just multiply and take over.” The words clawed at his throat with hypocrisy. He undid the clasp to his cape, “but if we have more people to help us, like your doctor, and the nurses, and your Dad, and Reagan helping us, and we use chemo warfare–” He placed the cape over her shoulders, blinking because the lenses of his domino were starting to fog up, “And a little bit of Robin Magic, I think– I think we can fight Cancer. Together. And win.” 

Evelyn leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his torso in a hug, “Ya really think so, Robin?”

He returned the embrace, nodding, “Yeah. You’ll win.”

 

They dropped Stephanie back off in the Burrows, when Jay realized they weren’t headed back to the manor. They were going deeper into the city. 

Bruce must have sensed his confusion, but he didn’t say anything to clarify his thought process. However, Jay didn’t ask, because eventually they got to Wayne Tower, and Bruce grappled them to the top, so they were overlooking Gotham.

If there was any time to tell Bruce, it would be that moment. Or maybe it was probably when they were in the car, or when he broke his knee, or right after he got that first fever. But the past was the past, and he had to tell Bruce. He’s held it off for long enough.

He kicked his leg, “Hey Bruce?”

Batman grunted in acknowledgement. Cape fluttering in the wind.

“Thanks for bein’ here for me.” He wrung out his fingers.

He felt Bruce’s gaze turn to him, “I know I am not the best at communicating, but I’ll always be here if you need me.” 

Jay searched Bruce's eyes, wishing he wasn’t wearing the stupid cowl.

It’s just three words. He could say them. He inhaled slowly and opened his mouth to–

“I’m proud of you, Jason.”

He was going to scream. He was going to throw up. The unsaid words felt like they were growing and growing and soon they would be stuck in his throat, never to escape. “Bruce, I–”

“I mean it. I know it was tough for you, but you still tried your best to brighten up each one of those kids’ day. And you did. Just like you have mine, every single day since you hit me with that tire iron. You have a big heart, Jay. One that has grown with time.” Bruce paused, before placing his hand on top of Jay’s, “I think you would’ve made her so incredibly proud. Your mother. And your father. They would be proud of the man you’ve become, and the future you’re striving for. I know I am.”

His eyes began to burn as the lenses to his domino fogged up.  No. He wasn’t going to cry. He had to be strong while he told Bruce. He had to be.

Jay scooted closer to Bruce, who opened up an arm to wrap part of his cape around Jay, holding him closer than he usually did. Like a subconscious part of him knew that Jay was slowly slipping away. “What we do– it’s dangerous. If you– If what happened to–” Bruce paused and took a deep breath, “I’m glad you’re allowing yourself to live. I am beyond grateful you’re hanging up the cape.” Bruce rested his chin on top of Jay’s head, “Though I’m gonna miss having you by my side.”

“You’ll make sure to watch your six? And not spook any kids? You’ll–” His mouth twitched into a frown, which he immediately tried to turn around, but it was like the muscles in his face weren’t connected to his brain, “You’ll be ok without me?” 

“Jay, lad, I’ve been at this for a long time. I think I’ll do fine. Besides, you said you had a successor in mind.”

“I gotta get Dick’s blessing first. Then I’ll tell you. But they also have to agree, and it’ll still take a while for them to get up to Robin standards, and—”

“There’ll be some adjustments, but you’ll still be close. If I’m ever in any real trouble, I trust you just as much as I trust Dick. Active vigilante or not.”

Jay undid the top velcro on his brace and then tightened it. He has to be strong. He has to tell him. He undid the velcro again and then refastened it. Then again and again and–

“Jason, I know you probably feel guilty right now, but you deserve to be happy. This doesn’t have to be permanent if you don’t want it to be. I want you to be happy and let yourself move forward. No matter what that path looks like, or how many times you change directions, I’ll support you.”

He focused on the sliver of golden on the horizon, peaking through the cityscape, “I need to quit. Being a hero, it just– it won’t work anymore.” He took a deep breath, trying to sync up with the rise and fall of Bruce’s chest. 

He had to be strong. 

He had to tell him. “I…” 

‘I don’t know what I would do if I found out one of my sons were sick.’ 

“...Just realized, this is our last time out as Batman and Robin together.” 

He would tell Bruce. Just not now. Not when it’s supposed to be a happy moment. 

“It is, isn’t it?”

He looked up at Bruce, “We had a good run.”

 

Jason wanted to go home. The longer Jay held out telling Younger Bruce that he had cancer, the more likely it was that Bruce was going to pummel him for not telling him that his son was terminally ill. And it’s not like Jason hadn’t tried multiple times. He’s tried cornering him in the study, where it just turned into another conversation about his death. He tried telling him in the Batcave, but there was an emergency and Batman was needed, and he tried telling him while Jay was visiting the hospital, but then he got a phone call and had to leave.

Not to mention, the anniversary of his death was slowly creeping up on him, and he couldn’t even be alone because they were kind of stuck in the manor until they were found and brought back home.

How long does it take to find someone? Three someones? It’s not like Tim and Babs had to build a whole new machine. Obviously, time could be passing differently for them, but the more time they took the wider his gaping hole of guilt grew.

That was why he was currently encoding a message to add to the beacon that read ‘Come quick. I keep dying. This isn’t fun anymore. ~JT ”

Suddenly, a hand rested on the back of the Batchair, and out of instinct, Jason was about to punch the person it belonged to, when he realized it was just Alfred.

And then he realized it was Alfred , the person he’s been trying his hardest to avoid because he would immediately know Jason was hiding something and he would feel guilty for lying to him.

“Master Jason, when was the last time you slept?”

Jason grinned, “Last night.” Albeit, it was only an hour or two because his mind has decided he isn’t allowed any peaceful dreams, but it was the truth, “Personally, I think you should be asking younger Jason that. That kid’s eye bags could replace his backpack and still have extra room.”

Jason knew he messed up when Alfred made his ‘that is precisely the topic I wished to discuss with you’ face. “So you know what is troubling the young master?”

“I’m not talkin’ to the kid.” He felt like a stupid little kid who had just been caught and was now grasping for any excuse.

He could tell him. He could tell Alfred and then this whole nightmare would be– it wouldn’t be over, it would probably get worse, but sometimes things need to get worse before they get better. 

He took in a deep breath, “Jason–”The door of the elevator in the batcave dinged, and out came the kid in question. “...Has something to tell you.”

Why in the world could he not get the goddamned words out? It was like some mystical force was stopping him from doing so.

Jay froze and gave Jason a pointed look, but then looked to Alfred, “Yeah, I do! I was wondering if Jason and Dick could come with me to visit the Titans. Apparently Roy, Donna and Kori really wanna meet you two.”

Jason stared at Jay.

Jay shrugged all innocently, “Dick said your deathiversary was soon too, so maybe being out of town for that would be a way to take your mind off…of…it?”

Jason turned to Alfred, “Can you tell your grandson that I am not talking to him.”

He raised an eyebrow, “And why might that be? I thought Master Jason had apologized to you for his outburst from the other day.”

“He knows why.”

Alfred looked from Jason to Jay, then back to Jason, “Well, I can assure you, I am not keen on playing telephone. I expect you both to have sorted out your issues before you make your way back upstairs.”

And with that, Alfred left.

And Jason, being the stubborn man-child he was, refused to talk.

“I really am sorry for throwin’ your death in your face.”

Jason glared at him.

“Ok, I know that’s not what you’re angry at me for, but can you really be angry at me for havin–”

Jason got up to leave. Jesus Christ, was he always this difficult?

“Hold up–Wait! I tried to tell Bruce, I really did! Multiple times. But every time I tried he would interrupt me, or it wasn’t the right time, and if ya really think about it, it’s kinda better this way–”

Jason turned around, baffled, because “ Better this way? Please, explain to me how letting’ a tumor grow is better than tellin’ your guardian you’re sick.”

Jay paused, “When you put it like that, it sounds bad– but if I tell Bruce now, it’ll be nothin’ but x-rays and MRIs and blood tests, and then surgery and–”

Jason was going to smack his skull open on the stalactites.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, and I will… eventually… do those things, but knowin’ Bruce, if I tell him now, he’ll make me cancel my trip to New York.” Jay dragged the stool from the workbench closer to him and sat down, “What if I can’t tour Columbia by the time it’s gone? It’s my dream school. How can ya expect me to just throw away my dreams? The moment we come back from New York, I promise I’ll tell Bruce. I just want the week with the Titans to be…normal before everythin’ falls to pieces.”

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose as his intestines braided themselves together in a knot. Why was he about to… “If you don’t tell him as soon as we’re back, I’m gonna. Are we clear?”

“Yes.” Relief flooded onto Jay’s face, “Thank you.”

 

(Author here! We’re about to go to Titans Tower, and I’ve been re reading comic storylines and I don’t know what lineup I want, so, I am mixing and matching, so please don’t come at me. Also, my main knowledge of the Titans come from the show Teen Titans , so just a heads up if they’re not how they are in the comics. I also really wanted Raven in this, but if timelines are timelining, she should be evil right now, so… I guess that works in my favor plot-wise, but gosh darn it, I really wanted Raven in here. Oh well)

 

Out of everyone, Jason was pretty sure Dick was the most excited to see the Titans, which made sense, because Jason barely knew them at this age, and Jay had the impending doom of talking to Bruce about cancer. Jason also had the impending doom of getting the snot beaten out of him.

Still there was an odd energy about Dick. Like he didn’t also fully like the idea of seeing the Titans again. Which was somewhat understandable, because Kori was his ex and yada yada yada. Also, something about the wedding not working out because Raven went evil and crashed the whole thing. Maybe Dick should’ve given them a heads up on that, but also, props to Raven. It was pretty badass. Apparently Dick and Kori were still together, from what Jason could piece together, but honestly, he barely tried to understand their relationship on a normal day, and he wasn’t going to start trying now.

They were in the elevator when Jay’s eyes blew wide and he started digging through his backpack, pulling out a bottle of cheap cologne and spraying it on his chest and the backs of his knees. 

Dick coughed, “That’s a bit too much there, Jay. Are you trying to assault Gar’s nose?”

Jay raised his eyebrows, “Yeah, actually.” 

The elevator door dinged open and they walked into the living room of the Tower, just as Jason realized Jay was doing it to get Gar off the cancer scent. 

He scanned the room and groaned when he realized who was in the room.

Jay followed Jason’s gaze, smile immediately dropping into a scowl, “What are you doing here?”

“Kyle! Hey, what’s up, man!” Dick strode over to shake Rayner’s hand.

“Nothing much,” Rayner light heartedly clapped Dick’s back,  “Got back from the Oa a couple days ago.” He turned his gaze to Jason looking him up and down, before turning to Jay, “There’s no way your five foot ass grows to be that .”

Jay crossed his arms, “I am five foot four, Elphaba.”

“Jason.” Dick gave Jay his ‘ be nice’ look.

Jason nudged Jay, “Yeah. Don’t disrespect the Witch of the West like that.” He gave Kyle a wicked grin, causing the dude’s mouth to open slightly, “Besides, he’s like Rango.”

Kyle’s ring dimmed, before he grit his teeth, causing it to brighten again, “I’m gonna get dick– or Donna. I’m gonna get Donna.” and then he sped off.

Jay grinned and held out a hand for a low five, which Jason obviously returned.

Dick looked from the door Rayner exited from to Jay, “Hold up, why don’t you like Kyle?”

“ He doesn’t like me.” Jay moved to sit on the couch, “If you’re asking me to be polite with him, I’m not gonna. I don’t owe him nothin’. In fact, he–” 

Suddenly a toddler came out of nowhere running straight for Jay, “JAYBIRB!!” 

Since when have there been toddlers in Titans Tower? 

Jay’s face immediately lit up, “Lian! H– ow , watch the knee, how have the Tiny Titans been?”

“Miwage dwowned in da toiwet.”

If that was Lian then…Jason and Dick immediately turned to the door, “Roy!” 

Roy grinned and walked over to ruffle Jay’s hair, “Hey guys, how're you liking our reality?”

Dick leaned against the couch, with a grin, “It’s a lot better than most of the realities we’ve been to, that’s for sure.”

Ya know who’s going to actually beat up Jason? Dick. He was going to pummel him for not telling.

Roy turned to Jason, “Puberty hit you like a freight train.”

“It was the forbidden Mountain Dew.”

Roy nodded, “Dick said something about a Lazarus Pit. He was ranting about Talia when he came back last month.”

“Oh my god. Did he say anything about her kidnapping me? Because she didn’t.”

Roy looked to Dick, who nodded and mouthed the words ‘she totally did.’  

“If you continue to scorn her, I will tell Damian, and we’ll both stab you together.”

Jay looked over the couch at them, “Who’s Damian?”

Dick opened his mouth to respond, when Victor and Gar walked in, causing Jay to sit in a way that was forced to be casual, “Hey guys!”

Gar immediately sniffed, and then sneezed, looking at Jay with a frown, “Are you wearing Nautica?”

He gave him little finger guns, “It’s… Adidas.” Jay grinned, in a ‘my lies have worked’ sort of way. 

“It’s… too much, that’s what it is, Brah.”

“You vaguely smell like the boy’s locker room.” Victor went to sit next to Jay, where Lian immediately started playing with the blue lightbulb things in his cyberskeleton. “I saw videos from you visiting that hospital. Is Robin taking a more domestic approach to vigilantism?”

“Sure,” Jay crossed his arms, sank deeper into the couch, and gave Victor a half smile “But not in the way you’d think.” Just then, younger Dick and Kori walked in. Minus Donna, Jason was pretty sure that was the current Titans lineup, so… Jay snorted, “Looks like Kyle’s officially useless.”

Younger Dick looked like he was about to lecture Jay about being nice but his expression turned to concern, “Have you been eating enough?”

“Hi Kori, hello to you too, oh least favorite brother of mine.”

“I–” Dick frowned, “Did Bruce adopt another one?”

“Nah. Not yet at least.” Jay carefully stood up and gestured to the rec room “I actually wanted to talk with you about something.”

 

Jay crutched over to sit on the armchair in the rec room as Dick closed the door, “Is everything ok?”

The concern on his face was clear as day. And Jay knew before coming that he would notice something was up. He was sure the only reason he had Bruce and Alfred and everyone in the manor relatively fooled is because they’ve seen him every day while his health declined. Dick on the other hand– the last time he saw him was a month ago while he was dancing, flipping, and singing on stage. Now, Jay could barely make it up a flight of stairs without being winded.

But this was supposed to be a fun, happy trip. For his future. He doesn’t want to think about a stupid tumor that will be gone hopefully before Christmas. 

Maybe he could write his Common App essay on it.

“Jason?” Somehow Dick had made his way towards him and was now sitting on the arm of the couch Jay was on. 

He blinked. Thoughts. Right. Words, “Whaddya think about Tim?”

Dick tilted like he didn’t understand what Jason was getting at, “I think he’s nice. I’m glad to see you making friends.”

“Ok, cool. That’s great. So, I’ve been trainin’ him, but not like too much, with simulations, I haven’t told Bruce yet, but I think, he’s a good fighter and–”

“Time out,” Dick held up a hand, “I think you’re forgetting to mention a couple of things. What are you training him for?”

“To be Robin. Duh. What else? I’m askin’ if ya think he’d be a good fit. Cus ya know, you’re the first.”

There was a pause, “Did… Bruce fire you again?”

Jay shook his head, “Nah, I’m choosin’ to retire. That way things’ll be smoother when I start che…ollege. College.”

Dick smirked, “So you’re planning on filling Bruce’s nest before it becomes empty.”

He tilted his head side to side, “More or less, yeah, but I wanted to get your… blessing? Yeah, blessing, to pass down the mantle.”

“Look at you.” There was a soft smile on his face, “All mature and grown up.” He paused, “But you’re not allowed to be taller than me.”

“Dude… No need to rub it in. I’m not planning on swimming through wiper fluid anytime soon. Or ever.” 

“What, Little Wing? Don’t want eternal youth? Ra’s skin is just glowing. Maybe radioactive, but glowing.”

Jay grinned and rolled his eyes, “But seriously, do you think Tim would be a good fit? Cus, if not, I dunno, you can choose–”

“I think Tim’s a great choice. Mainly because the alternate versions of us seem to already know him, but also, you’re the one who currently has the yellow cape. If you think it would fit around Tim’s shoulders, then I support that.”

“...technically, a nine year old has it.”

Dick chuckled and ruffled Jay’s hair, “Then he’s gonna have to get that kid’s approval.” He slid down the arm of the chair so they were both sharing the armchair.

Jay shoved at him, “Get off! Your giant tushie is crushing me!”

Dick, like his namesake, just made himself even more comfortable, “So, are you planning on joining the Titans? Got a new name picked out?”

Jay tried again to make more room for himself to no avail. And God was trying to fight with Dick tiring, so he just crossed his arms, “I told ya. I’m retirin’. No capes. No kevlar. Just Jason Todd-Wayne.”

Dick looked at him like he didn’t believe him, “Like… no more vigilantism. Period.”

“Mmmhm.” he tightened the velcro to his knee brace.

“Are you sure everything is alright?”

He nodded, shifting under Dick’s scrutiny. There’s no way Dick could actually figure out Jay had cancer, though. He might be having the same train of thought older Dick had, but Dick didn’t have enough context clues.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’m here if it’s something you feel like you can’t talk to Bruce or Alfred about.” Dick paused, “Or if it’s something you should tell Bruce or Alfred, but just… can’t.”

He could.. 

No. 

Jay had to be the one to tell Bruce. He had to hold it together for him. He couldn’t act like a scared little kid who needed to hide behind his older brother, “I’ve just been pretty stressed recently. And I know that my workload is just gonna get heavier, and I love helping people, and I loved being Robin, don’t get me wrong, but… I can’t anymore.”

“Jason, I’m not going to get angry at you for growing up. I just wanted to make sure you were doing it on your own accord. Not because someone was forcing you to put down the cape.”

“Bruce didn’t fire me again, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Well, yeah, but also, do you want blueberry pancakes?” Code for ‘ are you being blackmailed.’

He gave him a small smile, “I’m retirin’ on my own accord. I was plannin’ on doing it eventually, but…” He shrugged, “Universal signs and all that jazz.”

Dick gestured towards the knee brace, “Was it the dislocated knee?”

“Actually, it was getting three fevers in one month.”

“So that’s why you look like a sick Victorian child who just recovered from scarlet fever.”

Jay huffed and leaned back into the couch, “Well that wasn’t a nice thing to say.”

 

Jason does not understand why he agreed to come here. Yeah, he was kinda friends with Roy, and Kori, and Donna, but not this version of them, and it is so weird being about the same age as all of them. 

Currently, Jay, Dick (the younger one) and Donna were touring NYU. Dick (his brother), Roy, Lian, and Gar were outside teaching Lian how to do cartwheels, Kori was out running errands, because now the Titans were throwing Jay a retirement party, and… he had no clue what everyone else was doing. 

Doesn’t matter anyways. He was in his own little bubble re-reading A Death in the Family by James Agee because Jason was a masochist and wanted to see if the comic from that one universe drew inspiration from the novel or if they just used the title.

He heard someone entering the room, and based on their gait, it wasn't Cyborg, who tended to have a heavier step, so process of elimination, “Skidaddle, Rayner. You’re infecting the room with green vibes.” Now, did Jason have a reason to hate this version of Kyle? No. Not really. But Jay obviously had his qualms against the dude, so Jason did too.

Rayner, like the nuisance he was, sat down on the couch perpendicular to Jason, “Are you magic or something?”

Was Kyle trying to condescend him? Not him, but Jay, but that was still him. Jason looked up to fix him with a deadpan stare, “Take a wild guess.”

That got Kyle to slightly shift in his seat. Wimp. This wasn’t even his half deadpan. And contrary to popular belief, Jason could be nice, so he went back to reading.

Except someone obviously didn’t take the hint that he didn’t want to be bothered and he could feel him staring at him. Back during his multiversal game of cat and mouse, usually when Rayner started staring at him, it ended with fists flying.

“Do I have something on my face?” He asked without looking up from his book. It was probably such a Bruce move, but oh well. Some Batman things work.

“I’m just confused on how you’re supposed to be Robin.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What, picturing me in the green shorts?”

“I wasn’t.” A pause, “It’s just, primary colors don’t seem to fit the ‘Angst Ridden Bad Boy’ aesthetic you’ve got going on. At least the younger Jason’s a theater kid, so it makes–”

Jason side eyed Rayner, “I will smack you back into orbit, if you do not shut your trap.” It was typical of him to somehow jab at him and Jay at the same time.

Kyle just shrugged and flipped the pages of a sketchbook, “Feels like an empty threat, but ok.”

Before Jason could prove him wrong, the elevator opened, and Dick, Donna, and Jay poured out. 

“.--the Bobst library was… It probably holds more books than the library on the Watchtower.

God, it was behemothic.” Jay crutched over to the couch Jason was sitting on, handed his crutches to him, and then flopped onto the couch.

Jason balanced the crutches against the couch, “How was NYU?”

“Huge. And… pulchritudinous. In a modern art-deco sorta sense. There’s a lotta windows.” Jay was forcing himself not to breathe heavily, but so he probably wasn’t letting on how tired he actually was.

Dick definitely picked up on it, because he handed Jay a water bottle and sat next to Kyle, catching a glance at his sketchbook, looked at Jason, and then frowned like he was mentally adding a conversation to be had.

Donna sat next to Jay, “The tour guide was nice. She made sure to stop and talk at places where there was seating in case Jason needed a break.”

“Which, I didn’t, because I’m a vigilante, but I took them because a normal civilian wouldn’t have my stamina.”

Dick leaned forwards in his seat, “Sure, Jase. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

 

Except, Jay couldn’t sleep at night. The throb in his knee was pretty much unbearable at this point. The pain was alway worse at night. 

He left Dick’s room as quietly as he could– since the guest room had been built, he’d been sleeping there, but since older Jason and Dick were here, he was fine with going back to rooming with Dick. Pillow walls.

He didn’t even know what he was gonna do, walk it off? He could barely do that. Honestly, it made his tibia feel even more like a crispy sponge, rather than a bone. God, that’s basically what it was. 

He probably wouldn’t even have his leg for much longer, would he? It’s been at least two months. What if it–

Nope. It probably didn’t. Otherwise he’d feel worse. Right? 

Jay was so lost in thought, he almost walked straight into Gar. Who was looking at him like he’d just been shot or–

Fuck. 

“I knew it was smelling off earlier… you– Jason, your scent is off.”

He felt his ears start to ring as the blood rushed from his face, “I mean I… am going through… puberty.”

His face contorted into something on the edge of worried and confused, “Jason, you smell like… you smell like a tumor.” 

“Maybe… someone on the tour had cancer.”

Gar sniffed again, and slowly shook his head, “Maybe we should go sit down, and then I’ll get Dick–”

“No! Don’t tell him!” It was a whisper shout, but even he could hear the panic in his voice.

He frowned, “You know?”

Welp, there goes plausible deniability. There goes hoping it wasn’t actually cancer and he was just overreacting. “Well… I assumed? I wasn’t fully sure. But I guess, now I know.” He hated the way his voice cracked on that last word. He couldn’t even get angry to get Gar off his back on this because his knee fucking hurt and he just wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t because cancer is stupid. “Just– please don’t Dick. I haven’t even told Batman about it yet–I’ll bake you cookies or something. The jam-filled ones that you like?”

“Dude, you–” Gar covered his face with his hands, and–

This was going to be the end of it wasn’t it? He doesn’t know how he managed to get Jason to agree to keep quiet, but he has a strong feeling he accidentally manipulated him. And currently, the only way he knows how to manipulate Gar is by bribing him.

Gar took in a breath, “When are you planning on telling your boss?”

“When I get back.” He saw him glance at Dick’s door, “Please, Gar. I know that once I get back to Gotham, it’s just going to be test after test, and then treatments until… December at the earliest, and… I just… I need this week to be normal.”

Gar stared at him– no, not at him. Through him. “Ok.” Gar sighed and ran his hand through his hair, “I… I get wanting that week of normal, and I know the testing sucks, but the sooner you start those treatments the sooner you’ll get better, dude.”

“It’s just three days.” Jay of all people knew how much could happen in three days. How things could go horribly wrong over a weekend, “I don’t wanna cause him any grief. Please.”

Gar took one long look at Dick’s door, and then turned around to head back towards his own room, but paused at the door, “My mom bought a box of Hertzoggies after my dad cured me from Sakutia.” He looked back at Jay, “We can share a box of cookies together next year.”

Jay gave him a small smile that hopefully said I don’t think I could ever repay you and I’m sorry for manipulating you even though it was a complete accident and I didn’t know.

 

He was in a room full of a mountain of red, green, and yellow. But the colors were dull. They weren’t as bright as they should be. They were muddy, and brown and… covered in blood. 

Bruce was carrying bodies. One at a time. Each of them in a pristine black suit, placing them each in a coffin. When he looked back to the pile of suits, they were all lined up, each in cases on display. Like a museum of dead robins.

It wasn’t just a museum of dead robins.

It was a museum of dead Jasons.

Each with a plaque at the bottom saying a good soldier, a good soldier, a good soldier.

A uniform too tattered to even tell it was a Robin suit. A uniform covered in ice. A red vest covered in track marks.

A yellow cape with red staining the collar. A case filled with dirt, green gloves barely peeking through the surface. A hollowed out red shirt, intestines still spilling out. 

A costume the size of a toddler covered in cocaine.

Why at the bottom of this case was he still a good soldier ?

He closed his eyes. He’s seen too much yellow. He’s seen too much green. He’s seen too much red.  

It’s too much red.

He bumped into Bruce assembling a case. One that didn’t have a suit inside of it. At least not yet. 

Not yet.

 

Jason was on edge. In all fairness, it was the 26th. But he was going to blame the nightmare and just forget the major trauma anniversary, because hell yeah.

He forced himself not to bake, because younger Dick had put him on cake duty for Jay’s surprise retirement party tomorrow. They’d get the tower ready while Dick, Donna and Jay were touring Columbia. 

Honestly, Jason was glad for the distraction planned tomorrow, but that didn’t help him with the fact he needed a distraction today. 

He found Jay in the living room, half curled up on the couch, a book close to falling out of his hands, because he was asleep. Didn’t even wake up with Jason’s approach. 

He carefully placed a pillow under Jay’s head, and moved  the book on the coffee table. Where, from underneath, a green dog was looking at him. But Gar’s body was angled towards the entrance to the living room.

Kinda like he was guarding Jay.

Hold up, Jay wasn’t wearing any cologne to mask the scent of the tumor. So Gar knows. Did… he tell Dick? Because Dick would probably immediately call Bruce, and thank fuck.

But if Dick knew, he would probably call off the retirement party, because lowkey, it’s a happy cancer! Party with context.

So Dick probably didn’t know. So why was Gar keeping this?

He debated asking, but then Rayner walked in the room, looked like he was going to say something, but immediately closed his mouth when Jason shot him a glare– No. When Gar let out a low growl.

Yup. Gar definitely knew. And if that was Gar’s reaction to someone about to get into Jay’s space while he was sleeping, he was trustworthy enough. 

Jason exited the living room, dragging Rayner by the upper arm, as they made their way to the stairs, “Wanna spar?”

Kyle frowned and then shrugged, “Ok.”

Boom. Distraction found. And he gets to beat up Rayner. 

 

The next day, Jason was slicing up bananas and a pineapple to go in between the layers of the hummingbird cake he was making, when ( his brother) Dick wandered in to check on him. 

“Need any help?”

Jason’s knee jerk reaction would’ve been to say no, but something about how close he’d gotten to Dick in the past few months made Jason hold up a banana and the pineapple, “Which would you like to cut? The bananas, or the ananas.”

That caused Dick to grin, “English is so weird. They just had to be special with their pineapple .” 

Jason looked at the fruit in question, “It is pine-y, I’ll give it that, but you can not tell me this looks like an apple in the slightest.”

“It's fragrant, and an excellent fruit. Ananas fit so much better.”

Dick took the pineapple and one of the heavy duty knives, and started chopping it up.

Jason finished slicing the bananas, so he moved onto the cream cheese frosting. 

Dikc had finished cutting off the peel and had moved to quartering the pineapple, “Do you remember the first time we cooked together?”

“The time when we made the sarmale mofongo fusion, just to see if they’d work out, but then the bat signal went off, so we were rushing to finish off Killer Moth before accidentally burning them?”

“That was one crazy night, wasn’t it?” Dick chuckled, “No, I’m talking about the time we were cooking here. I think you were thirteen? Maybe you had just turned fourteen. It was over that summer.”

Jason frowned, trying to remember, but he couldn’t. If this trip was teaching him anything, it was that he didn’t remember as much as he thought he did. He shook his head.

“We made tochitura together.” He could see Dick smile at himself, “You had to climb the counter to reach the cornmeal for the polenta . And, I had made tochitura with Alfred, and on my own, loads of times before then. And I loved Alfred’s cooking, but there was always something missing.” Dick stopped chopping to look at him, “I’ve had this conversation with the Titans in the past, and I guess the feeling is like missing your parent’s cooking.”

Jason nodded, though he doesn’t think he could remember missing their cooking. Just cooking with them .  

“Whenever I cook with you it tastes like… it tastes like them. It tastes like Haley’s. Like a rest stop in the middle of nowhere, and coming back to the stove every five minutes asking when the food will be ready. It tastes like family.” 

“Oh.” Jason suddenly had a really dumb thought, “You had a ratatouille moment?”

Dick blinked, “Oh, fuck you, yes. I did. But I was actually getting somewhere.”

“Yeah?”

“That was the moment I knew you were my family. Just wanted to let you know. And, I’m glad you’re alive.”

“Oh.” Jason cleared his throat, and dipped a spoon into the cream cheese frosting, holding out for Dick. “You’re a good older brother.”

 

 

The Columbia Campus was supposed to be smaller than the NYU campus. At least that’s what he read online. So It should be less tiring. Which was why Jay decided to leave his crutches in the car. Dick was starting to suspect something was up with him, and he had to prove to him he was ok.

Not prove per-say, just… show.

And ignore the glare Dick gave him when he said he’d be fine without them. What a hypocrite. When he came to yell at Bruce last year, his leg was hurt and he definitely wasn’t using crutches.

The tour group was much bigger than their tour group for NYU, and the tour guide was definitely giving the vibes of not wanting to be there.

Jay, Dick, and Donna, had started off in the front of the tour group when they were at the Manzanita Welcome Desk, but now that they were fifteen minutes into the tour, they were starting to trickle towards the middle.

He had run around the entire city of Gotham while he was homeless. He was not getting tired walking around 32 acres.

He picked up his pace. 

A mother of a kid on the tour glanced at him in concern, and he gave her a little smile. 

He didn’t need pity. He didn’t need his memory of visiting his dream school to be tainted with the fact that–

No. He’s not even going to think about it right now. He’s just going to finish this tour, talk to some of the academic advisors for the pre-med track, and then, take a big fat nap.

He let himself trickle towards the back of the group, so he wouldn’t hold anyone up. Dick and Donna followed suit.

Donna frowned, “Are you sure you don’t want me to go get your crutches?”

“I’m fine.” but his breaths were coming out heavier. And they were more than a couple steps behind the group now.

The group started to slow as they passed the Alma Mater statue.

The mother from earlier glanced back at them, and then looked at her son pulling out her phone, “Can we pause here? I want to get a photo of my son with the statue.”

The guy’s ear turned pink, “Mom…”

Jay knew she was just being nice. And he was grateful for it, for the wiggle room. But he wasn’t helpless. 

He was Robin for crying out loud. He was fighting 4 rogues a week two months ago. He was doing six flips a night six weeks ago, while dancing and singing. He was carrying bodies out of a building rigged to explode less than a month ago.

Yet he couldn’t even keep up with a stupid tour guide who didn’t even want to be there. 

He was dully aware of the fact that the mother had finished taking pictures, and they were starting up again.

He was panting, like he’d just run a marathon, and both his legs were aching, and his heart was pounding, and–

How much has his health regressed in the past month?

How close was he to–

He felt the blood drain from every limb in his body, leaving his ears ringing. 

The concrete beneath him began to feel like he was lost out in the sea. Tilting from left to right–

Something gripped his upper arm, as he buckled into something firm. Something steady. And he thinks that firm-steady thing was guiding him somewhere.

But he couldn’t breathe. Something was in his trachea and was stopping him from breathing.

What if it was the tumor?

There was a light thumping under his hand, as it slowly rose and fell. “Alright Jason, breathe with me so I don’t look like an idiot over here. In…” His hand rose, “ and out…” and fell. 

He tried to take a deep breath as his hand rose, but his breath hitched, causing him to fully break down. All he could hear was the static-y sound of blood rushing back into his ears.

“I can’t…” 

“You breathe every day Jay. In fact–”

“W-What if I can’t . What if it metastasizes? What if I can’t– what if I can’t go here , and, and never become a doctor and–” He let himself build dreams and he could hear the castles crumbling in the distance.

“Jason?” Dick’s voice was quiet, and barely audible. Dragging Jason back to the present.

They were sitting on the steps next to the Alma Mater. Their tour group was farther off, but not close enough to where they could hear them, and Donna was gone.

Jay wiped his cheeks, frowning, “Where’d Donna…” He trailed off when he saw the look on Dick’s face. When he realized the words he’d let slip out. 

“She, uh, she went to go get your crutches.” Dick swallowed, “ Jason–” His voice cracked, and his eyes turned glossy. He opened one arm for a hug

Jay’s eyes began to burn again, as he dove into Dick’s embrace, “Please don’t cry.” he mumbled into his shirt.

“I’m not gonna– it’s just allergy season.” though, he could hear how fast Dick’s heart was beating. How short his breaths were. 

“I–” it was just three words. Why could he never bring himself to say it? “My mom… she had cancer.” 

Dick’s heart changed pace, but his voice was even when he next spoke, “I didn’t know that. What type did she have?” 

“Wanky janky bones.”

He felt Dick nod his head slowly.

That was supposed to make him laugh, why wasn’t he laughing?

“Are you sure?”

How much he wished he could say ‘ no, I’m not sure, actually, I could just be overthinking’

Jay assumed Dick took his silence as a yes, because he held onto him tighter.

Dick pulled away, to look Jay in the eyes, incredulity clear on his face, “Bruce hasn’t noticed yet, has he? There’s two of them in the manor, how–how’d you get away with– did you not get an x-ray of your knee when you dislocated it? Fuck, you broke it– Is it the same one that’s been bothering you since the musical?”

“...yeah.” Jay undid the velcro to his knee brace and then tightened it. “Uh, I think Bruce forgot about that.”

“Bruce? Forget? We are talking about the same man, right?”

“Yeah…” To be fair, older Jason’s dissociation face was one of the most uncanny valley things Jay’s seen in his life.  “To be fair, I am a master at distraction.”

Dick raised his eyebrows, “Is there a reason you’re not telling Bruce?”

“Well, I…” rip, stick , rip, stick. “I dunno. At first I was makin’ sure everything would be in place so that it wouldn’t be like I was… pullin’ the rug out from under Bruce’s feet.”

Dick looked like the puzzle pieces were falling into place. “So… things will be smoother when you start… chemotherapy.”

Jason nodded and started picking at a hangnail, “And once I got everything in place…I just, I could never find the right time to tell Bruce.” Jay chewed the inside of his cheek, “I was close to tellin’ him last week. Back when we were visitin’ all the kids at Gotham General. And he was talkin’ to one of the dad’s and I don’t think there’s gonna be a way for me to tell Bruce without completely throwing him off kilter because he said– Bruce said, ‘I don’t know what I would do if I found out if one of my sons were sick.’ How am I supposed to tell him now?” He leaned into Dick’s shoulder, “I want to tell him. I need to tell him, but–”

“Jason. There’s no ‘buts’ here.” His voice was soft but firm, “Tomorrow, we’ll go back to Gotham together. We’ll sit Bruce down, and if you can’t bring yourself to tell him, I will. Ok?”

Jay nodded. Throat closing up with another whimper he refused to let out. 

Dick moved his arm so he was holding Jay more comfortably, and rested his chin on Jason’s head, “ Te iubesc.”

I love you.

“Dick…” His eyes burned as he lost any semblance of composure he had gained. As more hot tears rolled down his cheeks. As he buried his face in Dick’s shirt. “I’m so scared .”

“Atunci te voi proteja, aripa mea mică. Mereu.”

Then I’ll protect you, my little wing. Always.

 

Dick called Donna  to ask her to bring the car closer to the Low Memorial Library. They didn’t finish the tour, nor did Jason get to meet with an academic advisor for the pre-med track, they ended up going back to Titans Tower earlier than they had planned

Dick got out of the car and went to help Jay, but he brushed him off, “I’m tired, not helpless.”

Dick opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but stopped himself before he could

This week couldn’t have just been normal like he planned it to be? Why couldn’t his bones just… be normal, and grow how they were supposed to? Why…

Why couldn’t he just have a normal life? 

The doors to the elevator opened and suddenly confetti was littering the air, and the first thing his eyes caught sight of was a banner that said “Happy Retirement!”

He could feel the twin cringes from both Donna and Dick. And, since he was an actor he had to play the part. He turned around with his hand covering his mouth, “You guys… you didn’t have to do this for me.”

But, maybe Dick and Donna were way too visibly anguished to the rest of the Titans, to just brush it off, because they had various levels of confusion and concern written on their faces.

Kori was the first to speak up, “What’s wrong?”

Neither Dick nor Donna answered her question, and Jay shrugged and started crutching towards the couch, “Ooh! Cake.”

Almost immediately after he sat down, Lian came running towards him, and pounced, “Happy we-tiwerd-mend!”

Except, she had jumped right onto his knee. Causing numbness to buzz the area before crackling white hot pain took over. And his stupid dry eyes decided they were going to tear up, again.

Suddenly, Roy was squatting in front of him, like he was a little kid , which he wasn’t. He wasn’t. “Are you ok, Jace?”

“Yeah.” He angrily scrubbed at his eyes. He’s been through worse pain, why was he acting like such a baby now.  “Tibias are so futile.”

Roy looked confused, but still nodded.

He glanced at older Jason, and– “For fucks sake, half of you already know.” He buried his face in his hands. “One of you guys can share with the class.” 

There was a beat of silence before Gar cleared his throat, “Jason, um… Jason has cancer.”

Everyone was frozen in place. Except for Lian, who tugged his sleeve, “What’s cancer?”

Jay gave her a little smile, “It just means I’m sick.”

“Does your tummy hurd? My tummy hurds when I’m sick.”

Jay let out a little chuckle, “Nah, my tummy doesn’t hurt. But I’m a lot more… tired than I used to be.”

“You do look weally tiward.” 

“Thanks, Lian. Now that that’s settled, can we have cake?”

No one answered, except for Lian, “I wan cake too!”

He scooted around Roy so he could reach the coffee table and cut a slice for himself and Lian. And sometime while he had moved to cut the cake, everyone had unfrozen and started to move, but he was ignoring them. He was going to enjoy his cake and ignore the pity. He doesn’t need pity. 

 

 

They were currently back in the guest room where Dick was passive aggressively packing his things, “Why did I think this universe would be any different? This whole time–”

“Oi! You say that like he’s already dead.”

“Positive vibes, my ass.” 

“Well, forgive me for trying not to lose my mind while watching different versions of myself die in every single universe we go–”

The door opened, then closed, and there stood younger Dick, “Excuse me, what ?” Then he shook his head, “You know what, I– that’s not what I wanted to talk to you guys about, and I’m going to assume that was a hyperbole, and please don’t tell me because I will not be able to focus on what I wanted to talk with you guys about.” He took in a deep breath, “How, in a house filled with detectives, did no one figure out that my brother was sick?”

And that was Dick’s ‘ I’m about to beat the shit out of someone’ voice. Jason was going to get the biggest ass beating of his life by Dick– by both Dicks. 

Older Dick sat down on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through his hair, “In hindsight it was so obvious, and I thought something was up a month ago, but I thought he was just depressed. I checked in with him and– I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t think it would be…”

Younger Dick’s eyes flickered towards him and then he frowned, “But you knew.” 

He was going to die again, this time by his brother's hand. God, he always thought he was Cain. “I did try to get Jason to tell Bruce himself. And when it was clear he wasn’t going to do it, I tried to tell Bruce and Alfred myself. It's just… It was like there was always something stopping me from doing so. Either Bruce would cut me off with matters he thought was more important, or something would come up and he’d have to leave.”

“Why–” Younger Dick’s phone began to ring, eyes narrowing when he saw the caller ID, and then cut the call. “It was Bruce. Why–” The phone started to ring again, and Dick hung up again. Then it rang a third time. 

“For fucks sake,” Older Dick answered the call, and motioned for him to answer.

Younger Dick put the phone up to his ear and then frowned, “You’re not my Bruce.” a pause, “Yeah, they’re both here with me right now.” The amount of guilt laced in Dick’s expression could probably fill up an entire swimming pool, “Yeah, he probably didn’t pick up because he’s taking a nap.” Dick handed the phone over to Jason.

He frowned and glanced at Older Dick. Why would Bruce want to just talk to him? “What’s up, Old Man?”

“Nothing really. I just wanted to check in with you. Are you… are you doing alright?”

“...Yeah? Why wouldn’t I–” And then it hit him, “Oh. I forgot it was the 27th.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

He saw the Dicks sign something back and forth between each other– Older Dick explaining what’s up with the 27th. Minus the death part.

“I suppose that’s most likely because it’s not even April in our universe.”

“Yeah. Probably.” Jason paused, “Are… you doing ok?”

“Of course.”

“...ok… I’m gonna give the phone to Dick– Like, our Di- Richard.” he handed the phone over to him.

Younger Dick made eye contact with him and signed, Clearly a retirement party, today of all days, was just a bad idea all around.

Jason shrugged, You didn’t know.

I should have.

Stop with the guilt. Doesn’t create solutions.  

“--Ok, Bruce, I’ll– yeah. Can you give the phone to other Bruce? Dick needs to talk to him.” Younger Dick made a deer in headlight look and Older Dick signed, Tell your B-R-U-C-E that you’re coming. Give him a heads up.

Younger Dick flipped him off and took the phone, pausing for a minute. “Hey Bruce.” his mouth was pressed into a tight line, “We… had to leave earlier than we planned.” Dick’s knee started to bounce, as he looked down to his shoes, “No. There wasn’t any attack or anything. Have you… have you noticed anything about Jason recently?” Dick’s eyes turned glossy, as his face scrunched up, and he looked up at the ceiling.“No– well, Bruce he’s–” Dick sniffled, while older Dick went to put a hand on his shoulder, “ Bruce , he–” a tear escaped from his eyes, and he buried his face in his hands, “This… this isn’t really a conversation to have over the phone. I know you’re probably thinking of the–” Dick paused, “No. It’s urgent, but not that urgent. We’re leaving tomorrow anyway.” He let out a shaky breath, “Yeah, I’m coming back to Gotham. For Jason. He wants to tell you. So when he tells you, can you just listen to him? Please?” a watery smile appeared on his face, “Yeah, I’m ok. I’m ok. I didn’t think I would– ugh.” He wiped his eyes, “This is embarrassing.” His eyes began to water again, “I-I love you too. Yeah. See you tomorrow.” Dick hung up and rubbed his eyes pretty aggressively, “Fuck.”

 

(Author here, I was debating whether or not to include this scene, but yk what, I will)

 

 

ABBA.

Jason shouldn’t have expected anything else from Younger Dick. Or any Dick for that matter

It was the next day, and the four of them were currently in the car, with the Dicks in the front, (Dick was driving) and the Jasons in the back. (Jason had lost the battle for the passenger seat.)

Jason glanced at Older Dick who was tapping the steering wheel while humming.

“And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end; Masters of the scene; We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more.”

And then he turned back to Jay and Dick who were both fully into the song, pointing at him with a huge grin on his face, “ You know what I mean ”

Honestly, it was really fun if he ignored the impending doom of death lurking in the corner.

He grinned, and sang along “Voulez-vous (aha)”

Maybe the sooner they left the reality, the better chance it gave Jay of beating cancer. 

“Voulez-vous (aha)...”

Incongruities must be purged . Jesus, that voice was getting too loud. Where’s his mind-muffler?

The song ended, and– “Is this real? Is this a fanta–” Then is skipped to the next song. 

By Richard, and his little driver’s seat skip button.

“NO GO BACK!!” 

No one skips Queen. He was glad Jay was on the same page as him.

Older Dick glanced over, “Dick, I’m begging you, please don’t. Please. If I have to listen to Jason belt Bohemi–”

Jay looked at Older Dick, through the rearview mirror with hurt laced in his expression, “Are you saying you don’t like my voice?”

“No! Not yours–”

“But… we’re the same person.”

“Bud… you’ve barely hit puberty.”

Jay’s jaw dropped, as Jason had to turn to the window too conceal a laugh.

Jay gave younger Dick’s shoulder his ‘kicked puppy’ expression (that Jason could no loner pull off) and Dick changed the song back. 

“NO!! Wait! What about–”

“Is this real?”

Younger Dick patted his shoulder, “How bad could it possibly be?”

Jay and Jason turned to eachother, “Is this a fantasy?

Older Dick glared at him, “It’s only bad with context–”

Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality”

Jason smirked, “But Dick, Now you have more context.  Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see; I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy; Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low; Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me.”

Older Dick knocked his head against the steering wheel.

“Mama, just killed a man; Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead; Mama, life had just begun; But now I've gone and thrown it all away”

Dick looked back to him, “Holy fuck, Jaso–”

“Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry; If I'm not back again this time tomorrow; Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.

“Too late, my time has come; Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time; Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go; Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.”

Jay grabbed his arm,“ Mama, ooh;I don't wanna– dude… get a therapist.”

Younger Dick looked between Older Dick and Jay, “Am I missing something?”

Jason shrugged, “I see a little silhouetto of a man; Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?”

 

Jay… was going to throw up. He was going to puke. Yeah, the car ride was a great distraction, but as soon as the Gotham air hit, it was like a tsunami of anxiety decided to wash him clean.

Alfred met them in the garage, where Dick (his brother) immediately wrapped him in a hug, “Master Dick, it’s lovely to see you.” 

“Yeah, Alfie, you too.”

Jay tried to crutch past the two, but Alfred obviously noticed, “Ah, Master Jason. Master Bruce wishes to speak with you in the library.”

He was going to scream. He was going to scream. He was going to scream . “Oh. Not the study?’

“He specifically requested the library.”

A place where he would be comfortable. Does Bruce know something was up? “ Ok .” He glanced at Dick, who gave him a pressed smile and followed him to the library.

And there Bruce was waiting on the couch. With his look of concern slightly masked, “Hello boys.” he was sitting on the corner of the couch, so that Jay could sit closer or farther from him if need be.

Jay sat right next to him, “Hey, Bruce. How was your week with Bruce?” A decent amount of the poetry books they usually read out of were stacked on the coffee table, along with a pot of tea, and some cups. So Bruce knew something was wrong.

He felt the couch dip on the other side of him, and knew Dick sat down.

Bruce moved his arm so that it was behind Jay, resting on the back of the couch, “I suddenly understand why the both of you dislike it when I only communicate like a caveman.” A joke. To lighten up the mood. Bruce barely ever cracks jokes. He cleared his throat when it was obvious the joke didn’t really land, “I couldn’t imagine what losing you would–” Bruce cut himself off. 

Jay looked back at Dick who was making his ‘Wrong step!’ face. 

So… had Dick already told him– no. 

Bruce would’ve had him go straight to Leslie’s clinic. He reached for one of the poetry books on the table. One from “Goblin Market and Other Poems” By Christina Rossetti. Jay leaned his head against Bruce’s chest, and flipped to one of the pages marked with a post it note.

He smirked up at Bruce, “ My secret I tell my secret? No indeed, not I: Perhaps some day, who knows? But not to-day; it froze, and blows, and snows, And you're too curious: fie!You want to hear it? Well: Only, my secret's mine, and I won't tell.”

“Jason, you have to tell him.”

“Richard, it’s what’s written on the page.” Jay cleared his throat and looked back down at the book “ Or, after all, perhaps there's none: Suppose there is no secret after all, But only just my fun. To-day's a nipping day, a biting day; In which one wants a shawl, A veil, a cloak, and other wraps: I cannot ope to every one who taps, And let the draughts come whistling through my hall; Come bounding and surrounding me, Come buffeting, astounding me, Nipping and clipping through my wraps and all. I wear my mask for warmth: who ever shows, His nose to Russian snows, To be pecked at by every wind that blows? You would not peck? I thank you for good will, Believe, but leave that truth untested still.

“Spring's an expansive time: yet I don't trust; March with its peck of dust, Nor April with its rainbow-crowned brief showers, Nor even May, whose flowers; One frost may wither through the sunless hours.

“ Perhaps some languid summer day, When drowsy birds sing less and less, And golden fruit is ripening to excess, If there's not too much sun nor too much cloud, And the warm wind is neither still nor loud, Perhaps my secret I may say, Or you may guess.” Jay looked up at Buce. “Does the self proclaimed world’s greatest detective have a guess?”

Bruce hummed, deep and rumbly to the point where Jay could feel the vibrations, “You’ve decided you want Tim to be the next Robin… because you’ve been tired recently?”

Jay nodded. He could hear Bruce’s heartbeat. Even and strong. His, on the other hand, was racing like a rabbit. 

He flipped the pages to the poem Mirage, “ The hope I dreamed of was a dream, Was but a dream; and now I wake; Exceeding comfortless, and worn, and old, For a dream's sake.

I hang my harp upon a tree, A weeping willow in a lake; I hang my silenced harp there, wrung and snapt, For a dream's sake.

Lie still, lie still, my breaking heart; My silent heart, lie still and break: Life, and the world, and mine own self, are changed; For a dream's sake.”

He felt Bruce’s heart do a weird ker-sloosh before evening out again, “Jay… Lad, you don’t have to tell me right now, or at all, if you don’t want to. If you’re not ready to.”

“No. I have to tell you. Cus it’s been at least a month and–”

“At least a month?” Oh, that was his Batman growl.

Jay sat up, “I dunno, I was tryin’ to ignore it, but…”

Dick covered his face with his hands, “Holy… wrong conclusion, Batman.Also, this is a Bruce issue. There’s no one to punch, ok?” He crossed his arms over his chest and sank down into the couch, looking Jay in the eye, then to Bruce, then at Jay’s knee.

He continued flipping through the book, “I’ve been, uh, I’ve been thinkin’ about my mom recently. Kinda because I didn’t realize how many of her mannerisms I have until seein’ ‘em in other Jason. And he’s hers in the ways that count, but he wasn’t even born of her womb.” He cringed at that phrasing, “Not like I was.” He looked up from the page he landed on, tracing the design of the rug with his foot, “Remember when I got that first really bad fever? And then another one and then another one? I– I didn’t want to– I–” He cut himself off as his throat began to close up. 

He already cried in front of Dick, which was bad enough. He had to be strong about this. For Bruce. 

He looked back at the page, “I have no wit, no words, no tears; My heart within me like a stone; Is numb'd too much for hopes or fears; Look right, look left, I dwell alone; I lift mine eyes, but dimm'd with grief; No everlasting hills I see; My life is in the falling leaf:O Jesus, quicken me.

My life is like a faded leaf, My harvest dwindled to a husk: Truly my life is void and brief; And tedious in the barren dusk; My life is like a frozen thing, No bud nor greenness can I see: Yet rise it shall—the sap of Spring;” He took in a deep breath, “Gar basically confirmed it when I saw him, but I kinda knew before.” 

Three words. 

He could say them.

Dick grabbed his hand.

 I…” He felt his lips start to pull down, so he bit the side of his cheek, and looked Bruce in the eyes. And he knew that look. Bruce had put it together, but was just waiting for him to actually say it. To confirm. 

And–

His eyes started to burn, “ Dad.”

His vision was too blurry to actually see Bruce’s reaction, but he felt his arms engulf him. He heard his heart against his ear. He felt his hand smooth out the curls on the nape of his neck.

“We’ll figure this out, Jason. I promise.” Bruce murmured, “I promise.”

Notes:

Jesus fuck, this honsetly could've just been a fic all on it's own. Shit I don't even remember half the shit I wrote.
Jason stress baking/cooking is my all time favorite hc. Did you know, according to the German Wiki Page, Willis Todd was a chef? (I'm American, don't ask me how I know what's on the german wiki page)
But also, So much shit happened in comic continuity from the Winter After Jason Died to... current day comics. these pepople can never catch a break
If Anyone thinks I made Stephanie too smart, Jokes on You, She was solving and spoiling her Dad's crimes by 14. She should be as good of a detective as Tim.
Aro/Ace Jason Todd Lives Rent Free In my Head. And Fun Fact, That's how I came out to my sister. I was hiding a different secret and used coming out to throw her off scent
Skipping over Jay crying for his mom bc that lowkey made me cry while writing it (Holy shit there was a lot of crying in this chapter)
The Hospital scene. It was cute right? And It had some Stephanie and Jason Bonding.
Jay, tries to tell Bruce He has cancer, Bruce, Accidentally cuts him off.
Honestly the hospital scene was one of my favorite ones to write. I just feel like it captures Jason's time as Robin. yk?
Dwdwdw Evelyn will make a reappearance.
There are so many sentences that Jay says that have double meanings and I feel very smart for them
Also, the Jersey Accents really coming through with Jason and Jason was actually kinda fun to write lmao.
the only reason I like JayKyle is because I like the idea of Kyle being hopelessly in love with Jason, while Jason is completely obvlivious to Kyles advances and has no interest in the guy.
Jason and Dick being brothers. That's actually just this entire story.
Guys, I'm begging you, Search up Pictures of the Bobst Library. It's Beautiful. It's definitely not Jason's vibe, but it's beautiful to the point where Jason's Jaw would still be on the floor.
Annanas and Bananas? I've never had Hummingbird Cake. but it sounds good.
The scene where Jay has a panic attack on the Columbia Campus was one that I had pictured pretty clearly in my mind since I started writing this fic. Same with the scene where he tells Bruce while flipping through poems to tell him

MAMMMMMAAAA OOOOOOOOOOOO IIII DON"T WANNNA DIIIIIIEEEEE SOMETIMES I WISH I"D NEVER BEEN BORN AT ALLLLLLLLLL

Notes:

Have a good day :)