Chapter Text
To Tame the Falcon
Act I
Part. I
Merlin remembered the first time he met Arthur. Hiding behind his mother's back, looking at the new boy standing next to his uncle, Merlin scuffled.
The boy was around his age. Blonde hair, blue eyes, broad shoulders, and the air around him was full of pride, which many brats he knew held. Even in dirty clothes, Merlin can sense the immense saturation surrounding his posture. It made Merlin a little nervous and a lot annoyed
His name was Arthur, Prince Arthur Pendragon.
And for now, he would stay with Merlin, becoming one of his mother’s wards. She was a gentle soul since Merlin remembered, so she agreed without hesitation when asked to take care of the prince until the time came.
Oh, a Royal one, Merlin had never known any royalty in his life and he did not want to until now. Arthur walked around his house with his hand behind his back and wandered with those blue eyes but no trace of satisfaction upon his face. And Merlin thought he sensed a bit of disappointment in his essence. His house was not big and grand, nor clean and tidy, but it was his house none of the rest. He did not want some royalty to dislike it.
He despised Arthur more when Arthur took his bed.
His mother put him out from her side to greet the prince, leaving him alone when they were in his sleeping corner.
He looked at her back, wishing that he could call upon her, but decided to not do it. He did not want to look like a cowardly child, especially in front of Arthur. He looked at the prince and finally bit out the word.
“…Hi”
It sounded more forced than usual and he did not want to hide it. He wanted Arthur to know that he did not want his presence as much as Arthur did not want to be here.
“Hi,” He replied, full of confidence in his voice.
“I’m Merlin.”
Arthur looked him through up and down, it felt like he was dissatisfied and wished he would change into something he would like more. Merlin hated that.
“Arthur, Prince Arthur. You already knew that.”
“Yes…and I also knew that I would not call you that.”
Of course, he was important, but Merlin did not want to acknowledge that. Prince or not, Arthur is just a boy like he is, and a proud arrogant one at that.
Arthur raised his eyebrows, his lips pushed into a smirk both in surprise and annoyance, and he continued.
“And what did you want to call me then.”
“Arthur when I feel polite, a spoiled hay when normal.”
Arthur laughed one syllable, more like a mocking tone than joy.
“You can not address me like that. I am your Prince, you need to fetch me some water for my bath and food when I am hungry. Take care of me, that is your duty, at least that is what Gaius told me. And I’m sure your mother informed you before I came.”
Those sentences made Merlin’s blood boil. He wanted to scream, but Merlin only burst out a short sentence.
“No, you have arms and legs, do it yourself.”
He wants to run away, but Arthur's mocking laugh and annoying voice keep him in.
“Pardon?, is this the treatment I get for being in your house? Is your mom not teaching you how to take care of a guest? You are lucky, you are not in Camelot right now. Or else I would put you in the stock for some reflection on your behavior.”
He immediately responded.
“Oh…But you are not in Camelot, are you?” He tilted his head to the side.
“You are in Eldor because Gaius put you in my mother’s care, it is my mother’s mercy really that you are still breathing. But you are my mother’s ward, not mine. I did not care slightly if you were a prince. Even if my mother instructed me to take care of one, I would not willingly do it, and you would feel it…when I was unwilling to do something.”
“If you want me to respect you and treat you like one, then prove yourself to me.”
Arthur left in silence, Merlin didn't know what his thoughts were behind those eyes…did he think through Merlin’s words, or did it just be another rude word of his to the mighty Prince?
“And what else do you want me to do?”
He was a little surprised when Arthur asked that, but Merlin did not know if it was genuine or not.
“First of all, can you get off my bed?”
Merlin pointed out some sort of assertion of his dominance as the son of the host. Normally, Arthur would say with an apologetic smile and wish to sleep on a floor instead, that is at least what Merlin wanted Arther to respond after his words. But Arthur just laid back there and patted the cotton.
“ The floor is always free. ”
Merlin was shocked.
“And, if you can call me that name, then I can call you one too…ChippingBird, how does that sound? I no wonder why your name is after a bird considering your talkative mouth.”
Merlin wanted to punch Arthur in the face.
………………………………………………………………………………
“ Why does it need to be us?” Merlin asked his mother one moment after everything was settled, she gently smiled back at him.
“Shouldn’t Gaius send him to his other royalty, or…or his knight.” Merlin stumbled with words. He did not know about the world of royalty, but he knew that there must be other alternatives to this situation.
His mother only smiled and it did not answer him much.
“ Merlin…sometimes fate happens mysteriously…you knew about that one.”
Yes, he knew about that one a long time ago when he summoned fire out of thin air when he was younger…When he dreamed about the dragon, the battle, and the king. When Arthur appeared before his eyes, every dream became reality and Merlin wanted to run away.
“But that's…why…Arthur…why me”
Hunith's smile never faded and without answering the answer right away.
“You will know all of it one day…Merlin. Besides, Gaius trusted us. He knew that no harm would find Arthur if he stayed here.”
And he could not deny that fact, so instead he shut his opening month and sighed.
“At least he can be a bit less of a prat, Mother, He took my bed. He talked bad to me.”
His mom chuckled slightly and came and hugged him tightly, her soft and warm body made his anger and fear melt away, and not for long he hugged her back.
“I knew you did too…I heard what you two were talking about. I know you don’t enjoy having him right now, but he will come around, Merlin.” She said while patting his hair gently.
“When? Mother, I can not wait that long.” She giggled at her son.
“Well, that depends on you and him.”
That night they both did not get to sleep on the bed.
………………………………………………………………………………
Arthur was much more idiotic than he thought. First of all, he refused to do any chores and everything fell on Merlin’s lap upon more work than usual. He only pretended to work when his mom was around, and only if he did, it was much less of a job and worse than a mess. Merlin wished him to be able to make Arthur into an Ass, at least an Ass is useful and Arthur did not.
Second, Arthur is beyond a shadow of a doubt, an Asshole, a charming asshole. Everyone in his village silently falls into Arthur's grab in a month. He is charming, to them, not Merlin. Even though everyone only knew Arthur as the son of some Lord from a faraway land who unfortunately passed and just came here to rest with him until the situation back at his house was settled, Merlin bet a single drop that people were going to believe that.
Through Merlin's observations, everyone loved Merlin when he went to help with their farm. However, when Arthur accompanied him to the farm, everyone would gather around in front of their doorstep, like Merlin brought a golden star with him or something. Some old women whom Merlin saw were incapable of biting a bear, fell to the ground, and wanted Arthur to help. Then, she praised him with words and treats, something that Merlin needed to work his way to receive.
Arthur did not know anything about the farm, but everyone would not scold him if he messed something up. When it was Merlin, he got a whole curse if he missed only a quarter of a step.
Arthur was rude and talked little to him when he did not understand something; however, towards others, he is softer and more generous.
Merlin does not understand why Arthur treats him that way. Is it because one time he tried fetching Arthur’s water and… accidentally…boiling his bath? Or when that time he steals his meal and feeds it to the pigs. For Merlin's reasons, he did it despite one time Arthur abandoning him to collect horse maneuvers all day and go play with his sword.
Despite everything, Merlin was surprised that anything that occurred did not reach his mom yet. He imagined that it would get to his mom in a minute after he mistreated the Prince. Perhaps, this was some sort of Arthur’s mind game.
Merlin thought that it was the annoying part of it all.
The only usual part of this is that Will is the only one in Eldor who would not fall to Arthur, and Merlin wanted it to remain that way.
“ You know you need to be with Arthur right now, not me.”
Merlin looked at Will side-eyed, he was very much confused. They wandered around the edge of the woods trying to fetch some firewood for winter. And Merlin needed the time to get away from that annoying face.
“ Why? I think everyone in Eldor wanted to be in his company.”
Merlin did not hide his bitterness in his tone. Will only laughed.
“Well, everyone except you I suppose.” Merlin wanted to bite back, but only remained silent and picked up some sticks instead. Will took that as a sign to continue.
“And I don’t think he also wants that, I see him slipping away immediately when he has time and just sitting there on the edge of the woods with his sword.”
“Or maybe he is just lazy.”
“Or maybe he is just lonely.”
Merlin stopped in his tracks, looking into his friend's eyes as much as the sight of clear water. Will smiled, and Merlin frowned.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Oh I don’t know, Merlin, if you have to get away from the comfort of your home to somewhere far away without similar faces, and the only one who is supposed to be your friend and guide clearly despite you. I don’t think it is working well in your mind.”
Merlin snorted loudly, he denied claims Will had.
“ Well, he treated me badly first. He did not want to work, called me names, and just…being spoiled.”
“And why is that? Or…you didn't even want to ask him first.”
Well, that was also true…Merlin turned away from Will, he felt hot in his chest from what he did not know.
“I think you are my friend, Will, not Arthur’s.”
“Well, Yes, Merlin. I am your friend. And don't get me wrong, I still do not quite like his ass. But I know you. I know you would not act like this. This is not you. You are perseverance and kind, that is why you can put up with me for many years. Something is bothering you and you keep running away from it.”
Merlin did not have a word to respond to that…parts of himself wanted to deny it, and some parts accepted it. He just said weak words when faced with Will.
“Why? Why do you think I belong to Arthur’s side?”
Will smiled and answered.
“ I knew that you were destined to be greater than this since the day you showed me that.” He pointed at Merlin's eyes. Merlin knew what Will meant.
“And I think Arthur is a part of it.”
Merlin was not fully sure if Will knew Arthur's true identity, or if he just guessed it. Arthur surrounded himself with so much radiancy air that sometimes Merlin noticed and just thought it was the radiant of a prat.
But Merlin was fully sure that Will was right.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………
Merlin did find Arthur at the edge of the woods near his home, practicing his sword on some unfortunate tree. His footsteps did not light, so Arthur noticed him right away, or just because it was his reflection. With his sword in his hand, slightly breathing, his blonde hair and tunic wet with sweat. Merlin ignored him for a moment and just went on with his business putting the firewood into the shack, Arthur got back to practice without words.
The sound of metal blades cutting through the tree made Merlin flinch, and he could not ignore it much longer. Merlin watched Arthur practice, back leaning on the side of his house, watching silently with his arms crossed.
Arthur was good…with a sword. Merlin did not see much of a knight, so he could not judge Arthur with a professional vision. But, he did think Arthur was good. His movement was smooth, he cut the wood precisely, and the swing was sharp. One hit at the middle, top, and bottom. As the same spot at the head, knees, and belly. Each slash was powerful enough to leave the wood badly open it’s inside.
Merlin could not bear to watch more.
“Is this what you practice at Camelot too?”
Arthur stopped his trace, eyes shot back at Merlin. Demand explanation.
“ Take your blade at the poor tree.” Merlin did not care if Arthur could catch the slight remark, he intended it as his little treat for being civilized with Arthur.
“ Or do you want me to put my blade at you,” Arthur said with more of a threatening tone than a question.
Merlin snorted a little bit.
“Never wish.”
Merlin began walking slowly towards Arthur, arms still crossed till their distance was at arm's length. The conversation became silent until one of them began to speak and it was Merlin.
“ I think you have missed it… your home”
And Merlin meant that. Arthur did not answer him, he just looked at Merlin with wide eyes before trying to hide into his idiotic pride. Confidence without a trace of vulnerability, which Merlin thought was a stupid thing to do.
“Why do you talk to me all of a sudden? Last time, I tried to have a conversation with you, you called me an Ass hay and walked away.”
“Well, you started to abandon your job again and left me to do your chores.”
“If it was about the horse, It was one time Merlin. And I did finish my chore, did I not? More of that, some of which is your job, not mine.”
“You’ve made a little mess at the so-called chore that I have to collect after you. And No, it was yours, Arthur, what else would you do if you could not even handle the smallest discomfort?”
“I don't know, Merlin, perhaps being a prince, being in my kingdom, fighting alongside my people, not collecting horse filth or fighting with you.”
Suddenly, everything felt heavy, even Merlin’s lips felt heavy. This went so fast all of a sudden as the conversation of the wind in the storm, started peacefully and ended with havoc. But it did lead to the opening field and ruin, which is Arthur's true feeling. In those words was the pain of sadness, this was the first time Merlin could truly feel it. The sadness, confusion, burdens, and fear hovered over the boy in front of him, without somebody to share it with and he did not want to.
Merlin felt his throat dry when he said those words. Arthur tried to get himself back together again but failed to do so.
“You don't want to be here.”
“And neither do you want me to be here.”
And Merlin could not deny that one, he was obvious on the point of that the first time they met.
“Why did you not tell off Gaius then, or your father? You can just deny it and go live with some Lord's house without having to collect dirt like this.
Arthur did not answer it right away, he stabbed his sword on the ground.
“Because part of it is due to my safety.” he was angry at that a lot.
“And another part is you.” and also these parts as well, but more on the bitter sadness rather than awful hate.
Merlin felt his world melting before his eyes, he felt heavy in the abdomen and wished to throw up. He was capable only slowly back away from Arthur.
“What does it have to do with me?”
I am only a farmer’s child.
I am not capable of doing anything
He knew it was a lie and it did not come out of his mouth even though he wanted it to be.
“If it was because of my well-being, I would have fought my way to be on the battlefield and not hide in the hole like a coward…but Father thought it would be best if he hid away in plain sight rather than a house of the Lord where the enemy would look and Gaius told me about you.”
Merlin took another step back. Arthur stepped forward.
“He told me about your power…he told me about your fate…our fate, your vision. I hesitated and did not believe him at first until my father sent me to find you. To see if you could be a threat or a weapon, or you can be tamed, and to gain you by my side before anyone else does.”
So Arthur knew…Merlin felt like he wanted to run away, to flee from the invisible chain that was going to bind him to Arthur but he felt himself standing there like a bird stunned.
Arthur knew everything and still decided to come here. Merlin could not stop shaking.
Arthur noticed it and decided to stop, he put his annoying smile on his idiot's face.
“This…got my interest. And I was surprised and a lot disappointed that it turned out the dangerous malicious weapon of the earth is only a sulky boy around my age who is good with nothing but with words.”
And only that kept him from choking the air and spitting out his words to fight back.
“I am glad, I gave you a hard time. you deserve it for someone who tried to tame me.”
Merlin smirked a little bit, hiding his fear in the back of his mind. And he was proud instead that somewhat being his stubborn self served him well this time, because he would not begin to bow his head to Arthur, not this time, or never will.
“I… have never thought I want to tame you.”
Merlin was somehow…surprised by it.
“ It is true that you are difficult to work with. You disliked me. You avoided me. I was confused about what to do. You are supposed to be by my side as Gaius said.”
Merlin needs to talk to Gaius about this one day.
“My father would kill you without a doubt if you turned out to be as stubborn as you are to me.”
Arthur looked at his sword, touching it but would not hold.
Arthur finally spoke.
“but I’m not my father.”
“I want to gain respect and trust from you without force. I want to prove myself…but sometimes I feel like I hit the end wall when it comes to you.”
Arthur, despite being so prideful and proud as he acts, it is so easy to break if you know where to push…or is it because he is no longer in the castle and can allow himself to rest, Merlin didn't know. But he enjoyed it when Arthur liked this more than acting high like a prince.
Arthur felt like a lost child, burdened by Destiny, and like Will said, he was lonely. It was so obvious in his eyes and Merlin had decided to ignore it until now.
Merlin felt like he needed to say something. He needed to say something and he did.
“I don't hate you..that much.”
Arthur looked at him with wide eyes. “ You just said nonsense now.” Merlin shut Arthur with his words quickly.
“It was not an easy task to gain my trust…”
If the next few words come out of his mouth, he would not take it back from Arthur.
And he chose to do it anyway.
“…but I would try to hate you a little bit less.…for now on I would like to be beside you, not completely but I would try…and you would not leave me again as well.”
Merlin took a deep breath before continuing
“…Let’s start with you stopping being a spoiled brat and doing your work for one.”
Arthur smiled, Merlin felt like he saw a star, but then his mouth opened, and the illusion was gone.
“ Then can you start helping me and talking nice to me in exchange?”
“You go first.”
“No, you.”
Merlin felt the annoying brat was coming back to bite him again, so he decided to walk away as usual with Arthur talking loudly at his back. He had done with Arthur for today.
“Aw, don’t walk away. But If I need to practice my sword.”
“Then we can practice.” He barked back without looking back.
“You knew how to handle a sword?.”
“No, so you can teach me.”
Arthur laughed to the sky, he said with a smirk on his face.
“I’m glad to do it.”
Merlin later learned that this was the first mistake he had ever made.
………………………………………………………………………………….
The first snow dropped too early this time. Merlin did not prefer cold weather as much as the next neighbor, but he had heard before that the cold suited him. He did not remember if it was from Will or Arthur.
Arthur sent his pigeon each time the weather changed. Merlin did not want to know which content the pigeon carried, he doubted that if Uther did not send his army to cut off his head then it was a good word. Arthur did; however, said that his pigeon was more useful than Merlin. Merlin only responded with silence, sometimes it is better to ignore Arthur rather than be fueled by his words.
“I have never seen you use your tricks.” Merlin disliked that word Arthur used to call his magic. Tricks. Like he was his hound to perform, Merlin bet Arthur would put his thoughts into something much like some of the time.
“It is not something to use freely.” He was lying or was not telling the whole truth.
Merlin could do magic freely. He wanted to do it freely. He loves it when he can just lie down and let his magic do his work. But his mother always scolded him for that. She said that his magic is not something to gain from one’s desire, to use it to build in his laziness would only be none better than don’t have any at all. Besides, everyone was not very kind to someone who possessed such an ability and Merlin needed to be careful.
Therefore, Merlin avoided using magic altogether, despite that when it was a part of yourself and somewhat bigger than you…it became difficult to control. It required a lot of willpower and patience, and Merlin was so glad that he got all of it after his mother. Because if not Arthur would turn into a toad by now.
“ You can use it in front of me.” Merlin did not understand if it was a threat or an invitation. He just looked at Arthur's face, confused, and could not work on his tailor anymore. Arthur was smiling. However, Arthur's smile walked on the thin line between true joy and just giving Merlin a hard time.
“ I would like not to do that. “
“Why?”
In truth, Merlin did not truly know. It was strange to do magic in front of Arthur. It made him feel naked like opening his inside and a part of himself that he would like to hide. Perhaps Merlin was just afraid of what was to come afterward, or he did not trust enough… he did not truly know.
So Merlin decided to not say anything, and Arthur hated silence when it came to his attention.
“Why? Aren’t you supposed to be my warlock or something?”
Merlin wondered whether Arthur just truly is an asshole or he is just somehow too thick to understand human interaction.
But Arthur was not wrong. Since Arthur arrived at Eldor, his magic became stronger. It felt more intense, like hot water running through his skin but did not hurt. Merlin had a hard time controlling it for now, and he thought it only needed a small leak to burst everything open. Then, everything he had worked for will be gone.
But Arthur did not need to know about that, at least not from him.
“I belong to no one but myself.”
Merlin put down Arthur’s shirt that he mended. Arthur looked stunned, his quilt still in his hand.
“And if I want to use it with you, you are going to be an Ass by now.”
Then he walked away and ended the conversation, despite Arthur's protest.
……………………………………………………………………………………
And when Merlin said his magic began to get out of control he meant it. It bleeds through its container. It used to do that before when he was younger, but this time it was stronger, and yet he was still afraid of it.
That night he dreamt of winter.
The cold of snow hit his barefoot. Greyish sky, surrounded by fog, he heard the sound of the angry wind blades through his ear. The sound of metal met metal. And the sound of the sword cutting flesh. On the back of the dark horse are men dressed in fur and armored, laughing aloud. Blood spilled over each swing he hit one of the men who ran toward them. One by one fall on the ground like leaves. Merlin could not move.
He began to shout.
Called his mother.
Called Will.
Called Arthur.
He felt his throat start to bleed but no word came out of his mouth. He was afraid to see if one of the corpses lying down on the ground would be the face of his mother or someone he knew. He did not dare to look. His legs gave up and he was on the floor screaming. Among the dark cloud of men, Will walked up to him. With a tired look on his face, soaked and shaking with blood he can barely hold a sword. Merlin wanted to hug him, to tell him that anything was going to be alright. He would protect Will, but then one arrow flew through the air and stabbed Will's chest, and Merlin felt himself stopped breathing.
He cried and cried. Holding Will in his arms, trying desperately with every magic run in his vein to save his life, but Will only just smiled and held him back, like he always does.
“Don’t cry Merlin…please…live on and complete your destiny.”
Through his blurry eyes, he saw the bright light come through his way. It was Arthur.
He held the sword, fully armored, covered with blood, and looked at him.
Merlin felt the invisible chain pulling him into the entire body, but the only thing he wanted to do at that moment was scream.
Scream at Arthur himself.
Through what emotion he was not completely sure.
……………………………………………………………………………………..
Merlin…
Merlin!
Merlin woke up from the sound of someone shouting his name, he found out that the person was Arthur. He opened his eyes to see Arthur’s face full of panic, his breath was shaking. Of course, it was Arthur…they sleep near each other.
“Thank God, you're awake, I thought I needed to sleep outside for a moment.”
Merlin ignored Arthur's ridiculous attempts a humor, his stomach could not bear it. He felt wet with sweat, his chest tightened, and his abdomen hurt to the point of puking. However, he only managed to take his body up of his cotton, His head was spinning.
“And what was that? I could barely shut my eyes. You better have an explanation for that.”
Arthur's voice became blurred, he demanded attention and Merlin could not give any. One thing Merlin felt like doing at that moment was to get away from here…to find Will. To warn him of what is going to happen. To get to one of the people who will not judge Merlin. But another part of him screamed that he must stay here.
Eventually, his legs began to move, slowly forming into a run, he ran through the door into the slow field in the middle of the night, not caring if the cold wind blazed his touch, didn’t care if Arthur screamed his name. He needed to find Will.
Suddenly, his feet failed, and he fell onto the ground, laying himself desperately on it, and could not even manage to move. The sound of wind carrying someone calling his name until that sound reached him.
“Merlin!!!!!”
“What is wrong with you!!!! You could have died!!!!”
Arthur was shouting, he did that a lot when Merlin ignored him like right now. His hand pulled back his shirt to get up, Merlin wanted to protest but felt like every muscle of him denied that.
“ Are you already that dumb!!! Answer me, Merlin!!!”
Arthur was really angry. He kept shaking him with his force, and Merlin felt sick. He wanted Arthur to stop shouting. To stop asking him questions or just let him go, and he let the words slip from his mouth.
“Will is going to die.”
Arthur did stop for those words. Merlin could not even notice that his voice was shaking. But he did notice Arthur's confused face.
“What?”
“There will be a war, and Will is going to die.” Merlin could not hide his sob at the end. He did not want to look at Arthur's face anymore. His anger was still visible but now it fused with confusion.
“…is this your Nightmare or your vision.”
“I did not know Arthur, and I hope it would only be a nightmare.”
The doubt in Arthur's voice was clear and Merlin wanted to hurt something.
“…I should not told this to you.”
Merlin knew this was not fair for Arthur, and it was a cruel thing to say. Arthur was not raised beside magic like he was, yet when he tried to approach, Merlin only wanted to push him away.
Arthur did not untold a word, but when he did, Merlin was stunned.
“I think you should because if I had known this before I would not let you walk out in the middle of the night like a madman.”
Arthur put his clothes on Merlin's shoulders, Merlin could not put any words out of his mouth.
“For what to come or not.”
“But you are real.”
Our fate is real.
Merlin could not help to let that out, it had accompanied his mind since the day Arthur arrived. Since the day he exists. But Merlin forgot the crucial part because, in Arthur’s eyes, it reflected so clearly that he already knew. He told him before that he already knew.
“Whatever happened, happened Merlin. But I will try my best until the end.”
And with that Merlin was completely gone.
He wondered how Arthur could say something like that without hesitation. How he still holds himself up high, even though he acts like an idiot, an arrogant brat, and a complete mess.
Merlin let himself cry silently. He let himself be carried away on Arthur’s back. He thought he would regret everything about this moment, but in some parts, he would not.
“You would get cold after this.” He finally managed to slip out under his shaking breath.
“Then you need to take care of me after this.”
…………………………………………………………………………
Arthur did get a cold after that, however, it was just for a few days before he got up and walked again. And very much came from his mom's help and his stubbornness. Merlin on the opposite side still stayed on the bed, unable to get up. His strength had left him for some time both physically and mentally. He felt exhausted. And he still figured out the reason.
Back in time, when the vision came to him, everything felt like a bad dream. He dreamt of Arthur, he was golden so radiant with light like the day he met him. He dreamt of Arthur’s future on the throne with him on his side. And he dreamt of how the light faded, Arthur faded.
At that time, he never knew Arthur existed. Arthur was just a strange story for him to tell his mom, and yet he still feels sad for him. To watch a strange blonde man in his arms, life fading away.
But now, when Arthur was actually in front of him so brightly like in his dream, looking so arrogant with a stupid smile. Merlin knew that he would never escape from pain. His childish self still wished Arthur would leave. He wanted to hate Arthur, but he knew deep down that all that display of dislikes he thought was real, he could not hate him.
And he wanted to shield himself and cried.
“May I come in?”
Merlin looked up from his blanket fortress and saw an old gray hair with a similar face and voice. Gaius. Merlin put on a little bit of a smile, Gaius took that as an invitation and sat down at the end of his mattress.
“What brings you here?” Merlin felt his voice was so strange, Hoarsely even, though he never knew he would do that much.
“Arthur’s letter put me to my arrival here, Merlin.”
“Arthur requests you here?”
Merlin did not think Arthur would order an old physician to come all the way here for a reason unknown to him.
“No, Merlin, I come here with my own will. Arthur is just the reason I decided to pursue…and a lot of them are for you.”
Merlin did not hide the confusion on his face, Gaius continued.
“In truth…Merlin..Uther, Arthur’s father, only allowed him to stay with you for an amount of time, to see if you were going to be Arthur's Allies and to wait until the war was quite down a little. However, even though the war was coming to an end, Arthur still reported that he needed more time and said that yet you are challenged to win over, he still thinks you are the one he would not want to let go.”
Merlin felt like he wanted to sink back into his blanket again, Gaius locked him with his gentle touch on his arms.
“Arthur was being watched for quite a while by the soldier who came in every month. I thought he ordered them to say the same thing in letters to the king, that he was well and he learned a lot from being here. And if Arthur would not do that…Uther would order you killed.”
That was the reason he kept missing his job for a while, to meet his guard without him knowing it. Merlin felt his stomach tighten.
“Until this winter when I received that you and he are making progress, the king was pleased but not until he saw you bow your head to Arthur.”
“I'd rather bite my tongue than do that.”
Merlin could not help it, he could not imagine himself bowing to Arthur in any way. Only to get Gaius' hand smacked on his head a little bit.
“Watch your mouth, boy.”
Merlin pats his newest injury, pretending that it was a fetal. Gaius only continued.
“Arthur was happy that you started to connect with him and he wished that you may one day truly be on his side. For that reason, I do think it is time for you to finally start to learn magic…”
Then Gaius pulled the heavy book out of his bag. Merlin’s heart beat so fast that he felt like he was jumping on cotton, instead he just eagerly awaited Gaius to hand him the book.
“to use it only for Arthur’s aid.”
Merlin felt his heart skip a beat, but he accepted it nonetheless. He opened its content and watched with full amazement at how much wonder and knowledge he could learn from this.
“Thank you so much, Gaius.”
Merlin wanted to hug the book and never let it go. Gaius smiled.
“Not only thank me, boy.”
Merlin knew what Gaius meant, and he only put the book down to that.
“Are you going to stay here for a while” Merlin did wish Gaius to stay. Parts of him wanted the comfort of Gaius, someone who would know what to do with his power. Someone to guide him. And some parts of him wished Gaius to leave for the old man’s safety if the battle was going to happen.
“Unfortunately, No, Merlin, I could not leave Camelot for too long. But I will try my best to teach you what I know, after that you need to rely on yourself, my boy. And I know you can do it.”
Gaius patted his head gently, Merlin felt like all of his weight was lifted, and at the same time, he was floated in the air without grass to land. He could only hug Gaius before he could not do it for a long time.
“Gaius…I dreamt a while ago.” Merlin said without leaving the hug. He was too cold to do that.
“What did you see, my boy?”
“A battle, here at Ealdor, some men on horseback attacked our village…I could not make out who they were…but in the end.”
Merlin felt like he did not know how to breathe, Gaius only patted his head gently.
“People died, Gaius and Will…Will was shot by the arrow, and Arthur was covered in Blood.”
Merlin tried to calm himself down, but when he knew that the dream was not only a dream but a vision…of reality he began to weep.
“There…My boy.There..”
“Am I in the wrong, Gaius? That I do not wish for the future to come?”
He could not contain the sobbing anymore, he felt so young, so afraid.
“I do not know what to do.”
Gaius gently put him out of the hug, and the old man smiled. But his eyes were not. It was sorrowful like he wished he could put Merlin’s pain into his own, yet he knew Merlin needed to endure it as a path of his own.
Gaius said.
“The future is truly terrifying, Merlin, I am not denying you that. And you have the right to be afraid. You are so young.”
Gaius touched Merlin's face warmly.
“But do always remember that you did not walk this path alone.”
“And neither did he.”
Somehow Merlin knew who and what Gaius referred to in his heart.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………
Gaius was out to tend to the garden with Merlin’s mother and left him with the book of magic. Merlin was fascinated by it… He was drawn to it, he did not want to put it down. Then he heard the sounds of footsteps, and he immediately knew it was Arthur.
No one in Ealdor will walk as arrogant and proud as him.
“Enjoy the book?”
Arthur invited himself to the end of Merlin’s mattresses without asking. Merlin wanted to kick him deeply, but not for today. After hearing everything he was still conflicted about what he wanted to say.
“Yes.”
Merlin said then went back to the pages even though he already read it. After that night they did not talk much, for reasons, including, Merlin's lists of words to not make the conversation heavy.
“And…what’s about the Dream?”
Merlin acted as if he did not hear any of it. Arthur did know that he pushed his leg with his own.
“Dream.” Arthur did that tone of voice again when he wanted the answer.
“And why would you like to know?” Merlin wished it would not come out too harshly. He did not want to accuse Arthur, he just did not know what to do with himself some of the time.
“Well, people's lives depend on it, does it not?”
“Then you believe me.”
That was a childish thing to say. But Merlin still said that anyway. Even though he denied his answer in his mind. That child part of him wanted to hear that word out of Arthur’s mouth.
Arthur smiled mockingly like he always does.
“You already knew the answer.”
Merlin closed his book, he wished he could use it to hit Arthur. And to hurt the Prince then he wished himself dead.
Merlin did not want to give more moments for Arthur to cherish his victory, he told everything that he saw through the dream, not including the part where he screamed at Arthur, which was for himself alone.
“Do you know where they are from?”
Merlin shook his head. “No, I could not point that out clearly.”
“Hm.” Arthur went quiet, something that Merlin would not see every day.
“Who do you think?”
“It could be any brigands, I would not be sure…do you know any possible suspect.”
Merlin gave himself a little thought and, through all of the events, made himself overwhelmed, and he could not think straight. However, giving any situation the answer falls to one person.
“Kanen…could be possible.”
“Who is that”
Right, Arthur did not know about that.
“He is a leader of a brigand, always terrorizing Cendric’s countryside, mostly looking for food and resources. They slowed down for a bit, they did not come here that often…”
Merlin did remember some of the times he needed to hide because of them…but it was so long ago and his hometown was not like today. Not when he had not discovered his magic yet.
“Possible. It would be best to hit in winter considering the snow and wind, no one can escape from this type of weather…And you said that They came here before and Cedric decided to do nothing?”
Merlin nod. Leaving Arthur said something along the lines of something like this would not occur in Camelot and Merlin did not want to dwell on that part for long…because he had something to think about.
“Yes, but why now…there were so many winters before here…”
“Because of the war, Merlin. Your village did not have much for I could see, they may be desperate enough to come here as a last resort for another place that was out of food.”
Arthur would not stop, he would do that in something he knew so well enough. Most of the time it was almost everything.
But here Arthur was right, Merlin could not argue with that, still, he thought something was missing from the overall vision.
“I mean before you came, Arthur.”
Merlin could not stop his voice at that moment. Arthur looked surprised.
“Why did Kenen not attack until you came?”
“What makes you think of that?”
Merlin wanted to tell Arthur that he had no evidence to claim only his own mind.
“You need to think this through, Arthur, you are the only heir of Camelot, left here out of nowhere in the land of another country. If your life must fall, it was only the beginning of a war. An excuse from Cedric-“
“You mean Kenen? And they could not be possible, Merlin, Cedric knows if he kills me it means he is going to war with Father. Kenen also has no excuse to kill me, ransom for another reason is more possible.
Cendred was a cruel King, he had never bet eyes on how his people would be treated, and how his people struggled, but he would never put the war on Camelot unless he would take the opportunity of Camelot‘s situation and Strike a move.
“But not in the time after Camelot just went through war Arthur. This was a perfect time for them, if you died Camelot would be left with a vulnerable spot. Cedric would not have to do anything, just let another man do the job and let his stronger Army take down your father’s army when the time comes.”
“And what do you want me to do, Merlin, leave?”
Merlin was quiet. He did not mean that. He did not want to push Arthur away, he must act like that out of his…deeper instinct.
“I just want you to be safe.”
And he was not truly lying on that.
Arthur was quiet again…he did that when he was thinking.
“You always asked me, Merlin, if I believed you…can I ask you in return…”
“Do you believe me “
Merlin lost his words. In front of him…Arthur looked hurt. It was not so obvious but in this dim light of a room, his eyes were everything and Arthur also saw it in his too.
Merlin could not…know. He felt light-hearted. He felt like he could collapse at any moment. But Arthur’s eyes keep him from running away, physically and mentally.
“Said it, Merlin, to me.”
He wished he was mute. He wished he could lie again. But he thought this was not the time. After everything that Arthur has done for him…After everything that he tried to be. What else could he say?
Arthur was such an Asshole.
“Yes.”
……………………………………………..
They began training tomorrow morning.
……………………………………………….…………………………………………………