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The Land of Dewa, Hidden Village—
It was the morning of Hanzō-sama’s first day in the hidden village. The two of us had just left the home of the village leader, Sekisō Okumura.
“What a relief,” I let out a huge breath. “I was so nervous.”
“Was there anything to be nervous about?” Hanzō-sama was just as usual. “Like I said before, you came here with no problem, did you not?”
(It looks like there really was nothing to worry about in the end.)
(I am the daughter of Ueno Kandō, the former leader of Koga, and to everyone else, the criminal who killed Toyotomi Hideyoshi. So it should be no problem that Hanzō-sama is the former leader of the Tokugawa shinobi.)
“Well… I guess I just wasn’t worried about myself when first came here. But I was definitely worried about you. I was afraid you would be rejected.”
“I see. But now, I am just like everyone else because I will no longer work as a shinobi.”
“Yes… And neither will I.”
I remembered the other things I told Okumura-sama about, and what I talked about with Hanzō-sama the night before.
(That was the first time I introduced Hanzō-sama as my husband.)
(It’s almost hard to believe— I never thought I’d become someone’s wife.)
Just thinking about how it was Hanzō-sama who was my husband made me feel like leaping for joy.
“Enju?” Hanzō-sama asked quietly. “Did I do something strange?”
I snapped out of my thoughts. “What do you mean?”
“You are grinning all of a sudden.”
He was right. The corners of my mouth had unwittingly curled up— it must have been because of what I was thinking about.
“O-Oh, don’t mind me, Hanzō-sama,” I squeaked, and hurriedly nodded in the direction of the rice fields. “Anyway, we should get going now!”
“Hmm.” He nodded back with a grunt, walking at my pace. The fields were a short distance away and soon enough the view appeared from where we walked.
Hanzō-sama had arrived just in time for the harvest season and everyone in the village was busier than ever. As we walked down the mountain path, we watched the farmers drain cascades of golden-hulled grains. Soon we reached a group of laborers leisurely talking with one another— it looked like they were taking a break. We explained how Hanzō-sama had arrived here and that he had no farming experience. Since they were all former shinobi, they were sympathetic; they must have been reminded of their own first time here.
A couple of them broke off from the group and took turns giving Hanzō-sama instructions, and at times I would chime in to give advice of my own. He would only nod as we instructed him— I couldn’t help but think about how great of a student he was. Later on, the ones instructing would leave the fields to attend to other tasks, and others would arrive. One person who arrived called out to Hanzō-sama with a friendly voice.
“Hey! Hanzō-sama!”
We both stiffened, but of course Hanzō-sama looked the most caught off guard since someone else besides me addressed him that way.
“Do you recognize this person?” I asked as the man approached.
“Yes.” Hanzo-sama closed his eyes for a moment as if thinking of something that happened long ago. “His name is Hinata. He used to work under me, but one day, he simply left. I did not know his reasons, and it wasn’t my place to find out.”
“Ha, you’re just like how I remember you,” Hinata-san chuckled, seeming to have heard that remark. “What are you doing all the way here in Dewa? Does it have to do with Ieyasu-sama?”
Hanzō-sama opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, Hinata-san swiftly stopped him with a raised hand and spoke.
“No need, no need. I’m sure even you must have your reasons.”
(Hinata-san seems very comfortable talking to Hanzō-sama; I wonder if they talked more than Hanzō-sama makes it seem?)
I relaxed thinking of this. Hinata-san changed the topic after his eyes fell on me.
“More importantly, who is this young lady with you? She’s cute!”
“Hm? M-Me?”
”…”
Hanzo-sama narrowed his eyes.
“Hey, tell me! What’s your name?” Hinata-san asked cheerfully, looking in my direction.
“O-Oh, right— my name is Enju. It's nice to meet you!"
“Same here." He rested a hand on his chin. "So it’s Enju, huh... Hmm, I see. You must be the newcomer I’ve heard people tell me about. Ah right, I forgot to explain. You probably don’t know me, well that’s because my job is to go travel and trade for useful things. That's why I was away when you arrived.”
(I remember now, he must be Tsubaki-san’s husband, then.)
I just nodded, and he kept on talking.
“Anyway, so you’re a nukenin too, huh? Does that mean Hanzō-sama— er, I’ll just call him Hanzō-san— is also a nukenin?”
(I thought he said he wouldn't ask...?)
As I thought this, Hinata-san, skillful at directing the conversation, continued again before Hanzō-sama could affirm.
“That really is hard to believe..." he said, and gave an understanding nod. "But, I can tell— it’s because of a beauty like her, isn’t it?”
“… …”
Finally, Hinata-san noticed Hanzō-sama’s harsh expression, causing him to recoil.
“O-Oh, wait, I didn’t mean it like that!” He was waving his hands in front of his chest as he explained. “I already have a wife, you know?”
“Enju is indeed beautiful,” Hanzō-sama glanced at me, and I smiled bashfully. “But…”
He paused, and put on an even more intimidating face.
”It wouldn’t be a bad idea if I tell your wife that you said those things about another woman.” He spoke with a voice colder than ice and darker than the night.
“Eek—!” Hinata-san squeaked, bowing repeatedly to us. “I'm sorry! Just don't look at me like that, Hanzō-sama!”
Hanzō-sama then relaxed his face and let out a sigh. “Well, no matter. You are here to teach me, are you not?" He made a slight smile. "I can forgive the mistakes in speech you have made if you forgive the mistakes in reaping the land I might make."
Hinata-san nodded energetically. “Y-Yes! Thank you for having me!”
As Hinata-san gave another dramatic bow, I let out a laugh.
“I’m sure you two will get along pretty well," I quipped.
"Ahaha— you think so, Enju-san?" Hinata-san had straightened up from his bow and grinned happily, while Hanzō-sama just rolled his eyes. I couldn’t help but smile at how jovial the atmosphere felt.
(I didn't think Hanzo-sama's scary face could look so cute. And I could tell that Hinata-san really wants to be friends with Hanzo-sama.)
As I thought about this, I peered past them, looking at the sky.
“Oh right— I think I should get going now,” I said. “After all, I have my own duties.”
“Is that so? That's too bad. Well, you can leave it to me to keep teaching Hanzō-san!”
“Thank you very much...!” I then turned to Hanzō-sama.
“Hanzō-sama, will you be all right without me?”
He made a somewhat meek and troubled expression. “I am not a child, I... will manage. You can go ahead.”
“Haha, all right!”
I departed from the two and they returned to their work.
(Hanzō-sama had on such an endearing face after I said that. I wanted to stay a little longer.)
As I headed up the mountain, I also felt relieved— I knew that Hanzō-sama would be just fine with someone like Hinata-san.
Hanzō-sama was as good at learning as he was at teaching, and he would soon become able to help bring home food to eat. He would also use his own skills to get fish from the rivers and small animals from the forests. Aside from farming and daily household chores, Hanzō-sama also went out on patrol with other former shinobi to scan for any danger.
As for me, I had done a lot of work during those two months waiting for Hanzō-sama. During the day I worked in the fields helping grow rice and millet, even working at my garden back home, but I had plenty to do in the evenings indoors as well. I spent much of my time sewing and making medicines. I even learned how to craft things like baskets for daily use. And so I managed to live relatively independently in the village, able to provide for myself and help out at the same time.
The sun was almost at its peak in the sky that same day when I finished cooking lunch. I was just in time too— Hanzō-sama had just arrived home.
“Welcome home, Hanzō-sama!”
“Mmm— I’m home.”
After we greeted each other, I eagerly served him the meal I had made. As I did so, I noticed something about him; he seemed to be eyeing me curiously.
“? What is it, Hanzō-sama?”
“Nothing— I just didn’t expect you to make lunch as well.”
“What do you mean?”
(If we don’t eat now, then we wouldn’t have enough energy to keep working. It’s strange that he would say that— is he not hungry?)
Seeing that I was still confused, Hanzō-sama spoke up.
“You seemed to have learned to cook while I was away.”
At that, I could feel a bright smile forming on my face.
“Oh! Y-Yes, I did!” I babbled. “The villagers here taught me much… I-I hope the food is to your liking.”
“I see,” he said with a smile.
And with that, we started eating. Hanzō-sama was nodding as he ate— it seemed that lunch was also a success.
“I’m so glad I did well,” I whispered aloud to myself.
“Did you say something?”
“Oh— nothing at all!” I replied with an awkward smile on my face.
I watched Hanzō-sama eat as he sat next to me. I had to stop staring and focus on my food though, or he would notice. Once I did, I ate quickly because I found that I was rather hungry. And so, our meal was soon over.
We both worked on cleaning our own bowls. I wanted to clean it for him, but Hanzō-sama declined, saying that it was enough that I cooked for him. Then he made an offer.
“The next day, I can be the one to cook,” Hanzō-sama said.
“No!”
I blurted that out, snapping my head towards him. Hanzō-sama looked a little taken aback at my sudden exclamation, so I quickly tried to explain myself.
“W-Well… You are already doing a lot of work,” I said carefully.
To tell the truth, it would be helpful if Hanzō-sama cooked sometimes. I saw that he was still very good with his hands; when he wasn’t farming or patrolling, he sewed and mended clothes with me.
(More than that, I really like his cooking.)
(But…)
“I like to cook, so don’t worry about it!”
I gave a bright smile.
“I see,” Hanzō-sama replied, a trace of surprise still on his face.
He didn’t pursue the topic any further, and simply returned to cleaning.
(I wonder— did he figure out my true reason?)
I prayed inwardly that he didn’t as we settled down again to sew.
The day passed us by quickly and it was soon nighttime.
In the stillness of the moonlight, I was thinking to myself.
I had traded for pen, ink, and paper from Hinata-san earlier today. All of these supplies were laid out at the desk I was sitting at as I thought about my friends that I said my goodbyes to all those days ago.
(Chōjirō-niisama mentioned before how they would ask to see me every day— hopefully they’re not worried sick about me anymore.)
(Writing to them would surely make them more at ease. Now, what to write about…)
An idea came to me.
“Maybe I should tell them. I wonder how Kyara and Ennosuke would react?” I thought aloud.
“Your companions from Koga.”
Hanzō-sama had returned from his bath. He seemed to have overheard my musings.
I was a little surprised to hear that, not only because of his sudden entrance, but because he knew whom I was talking about.
“You remember.”
“Yes… they are important to you, are they not?”
(Right— he got injured in the first place protecting their lives for my sake.)
I felt warmth spread inside me.
“They are, they are very important to me."
“Do you miss them?” he asked with softened eyes.
"I do...”
I nodded wistfully. Sometimes I felt lonely thinking of all the times we played and talked together.
“…”
Hanzō-sama had simply closed his eyes, as if absorbing the silence.
(Does he feel sad that I felt lonely?)
It made me happy that he empathized with me, but perhaps he got the impression that I was all alone in this village.
“Ah, well, I wasn’t alone— I have made new friends here, who have been nothing but kind to me, even teaching me new things. You know, like how I told you about Yachiyo-san and how she always looked out for me.”
Hanzō-sama nodded as I explained. My voice grew softer.
“And... I know that the others are safe. I can write to them whenever. See?” I motioned to the desk.
“Hmm,” he grunted with a slight smile.
His smiling face took on a softer impression in the moonlight. The light wasn’t the only thing that made him look different— his slightly wet hair caused more locks than usual to fall near his eyes, changing the way his face was framed. I was a little distracted by his beauty, so I calmed myself down with a quick exhale before I continued.
“I want to tell them that I’m happy and safe here. And that I’m also married to you.”
I smiled back at him.
“But you talked to Chōjirō-niisama about us, right? So I’m wondering if he told everyone…”
“I do not think Chōjirō would be one to do that, but it’s possible,” he said. “Although it’s likely that they would all want to hear that from you.”
“Mmm…. You’re right. I’ll put that in my letter, then.”
Hanzō-sama nodded.
“Then, I will go ahead and lay out the futons this time… they are over there, correct?”
“O-Oh. Yes,” I stuttered. Hanzō-sama nodded, and I watched the moonlight slip from his back as he walked away.
Alone with my thoughts again, I became aware of the butterflies in my stomach.
(This must be because I'm alone with Hanzo-sama at this hour.)
When I considered that, my face flushed, and I felt myself growing expectant. Even last night, I couldn’t help but feel in that way, the night that Hanzo-sama returned.
“Enju… will you live by my side?”
I gave a bright smile and replied enthusiastically.
“Of course— I’ll always be by your side.”
“Mmm— That’s good,” he whispered. His soft smile couldn’t be any gentler.
I hugged him tighter to convey my feelings, burying my face in his chest.
We stood silently there like that for a few moments, before something dawned on me. I looked up at him.
“Does this mean we will be… husband and wife?” I asked shyly.
“—Yes. That’s what I meant by that,” Hanzō-sama said clumsily. “I want to live with you as your husband.”
“Ah— I would be happy to be your wife… Hanzō-sama…”
My eyes watered again and he leaned in to kiss me like he did before; I closed my eyes, anticipating his gentle touch. Suddenly, I let out a large yawn, and both of us paused.
“…”
“…”
“A-Ah, s-sorry. I’ve been staying up late into the night so that I could welcome you home, and— I get sleepy…”
“—No need to apologize. I’m happy that you would do that for me.”
He spoke hesitantly at first, but after saying that he smiled gently at me, making me nervous for a moment.
“Is that so—? Um, well, you must be tired too, since you’ve traveled so far.” I grinned, and we awkwardly let each other go. “Have you already eaten? Or should I make some tea? I’ll go do that—“
“It’s fine,” he replied. “You don’t need to.”
“How about a bath to relax you? Um, I hope you don’t mind waiting a bit for me to draw the water—“
“It’s too late in the night to get water, isn’t it? I will take one in the morning.”
“R-Right— Then, would you like to go to sleep now?”
For a moment I thought I saw Hanzō’s eyes widen at the question before he began his reply.
“Yes.” He turned his head slightly to the side. “—I missed sleeping next to you.”
“Oh…”
(That’s right— we became comfortable sleeping beside each other by the end of our journey.)
I continued speaking, flustered by that memory.
“I have our futons prepared, so… we can s-sleep close to each other.”
“Ah, I see,” Hanzō-sama muttered. Somehow, it looked as if he wanted to say something else.
(I’m getting more nervous now. I need to focus.)
“Let’s go, Hanzō-sama.”
“Hmm.”
(I guess we just like sleeping next to each other.)
But I also wished that we could sleep closer— even before he arrived, I thought that way. And with each passing day these feelings continue to grow inside me.
(I’m sure Hanzo-sama feels the same way.)
Blushing profusely, I shook my head to clear these thoughts away.
(I need to think about what I should write instead.)
Koga Village, Grassy Clearing
A few weeks later—
It took some time for Enju’s letter to reach her beloved friends. Chōjirō was the one to receive the letter. When his disciples rested from their training, and Gekkamaru had time to take a break from his leadership duties, Chōjirō gathered everyone outside.
“Everyone. Enju has written to us.”
“Really?!” Ennosuke was the first to exclaim. “Enju really wrote us something?”
“I have the letter. Let us read it together.”
“It’s about time we heard from her!” Kyara remarked with fondness in her voice.
“This is great news! I am looking forward to hearing from Enju-sama as well,” Gekkamaru said.
“Open it up, Chō-niisama!” Kasumi said eagerly.
“Very well.”
Chōjirō unrolled the letter and began reading aloud. As he did so, the group listened intently, absorbing every word. They would smile fondly as Enju wrote about how she was doing well at the hidden village and laugh when she described the antics of certain villagers. Then Chōjirō suddenly stopped speaking, his eyes continuing to read over the message.
“Hm. I see. So it’s true. It was clear the last time I visited, anyway.”
“What is it?” asked Kyara with a raised eyebrow.
“Enju is married to Hanzō-dono.”
“…”
Everyone quietly considered this, and almost collectively nodded.
“Well, that was pretty much expected.”
“Yep.”
“Wow, Enju-neesama…!”
“I see— I wish her much happiness.”
Chōjirō smiled. “You all look much more cheerful,” he noted.
“Yes. This is much less shocking news than what you told us before,” replied Gekkamaru.
“That’s true, I suppose.”
They recalled the time Chōjirō told them of the news—
Those days it was rare for everyone to be in one place. However, lately the Koga shinobi have been going on less missions, and Chōjirō was able to gather all of Enju’s closest friends around; even Gekkamaru, one of the village leaders, was there.
“Everyone. Have you heard the news from the capital?”
“I myself have not been lately. What’s wrong, Chōjirō-dono? Did something happen?”
“Kyara-neesama, you don’t know anything?”
“Not at all, me and Ennosuke have been taking missions to the rural areas.”
Chojiro cleared his throat. “Listen carefully to what I am about to tell you and stay calm.” His serious tone stirred a feeling of unease in the group.
“Ieyasu Tokugawa is now the guardian.”
A stunned silence.
“W-What…? Chōjirō-dono, does that mean…”
“But, I thought he did not want to be part of that damned game! So why…?”
“Like I said, do not panic. Here is what happened.”
“Yes, this does mean that Enju is presumed dead, as the criminal who killed Ueno Kandō. But she still lives.”
Chōjirō continued.
“This is what I was told. It is true that Ieyasu Tokugawa did want to become the guardian and in order to do that he must send his shinobi to kill Hideyoshi’s murderer. But in the end only proof of her death was necessary.”
“Proof…?” Kyara prompted. “So Ieyasu-sama could become the guardian without having to kill Enju?”
“That is true, but this could only have happened after a long, tedious wait. All of the other elders lost their shinobi clans and Tokugawa was the only one left.
“Chō-nii, wait a minute— how do you know so much about this? Who did you talk to?”
“Hanzō-dono himself. It was he who told me all about it personally.”
“Hattori Hanzō-sama? Huh?” Ennosuke made a face as if to say he didn’t understand.
“Remember, they knew each other from Iga, and he was in charge of protecting Enju,” Kyara told him.
“Right, I guess that makes sense," he said.
With narrowed eyes, Gekkamaru spoke. “But Chōjirō-dono…”
“If the mission of Hanzō-dono was to protect Enju-sama, then what was he doing when Tokugawa hunted her?” His voice dropped a tone lower. “Could it be that he ended up trying to hunt her too?”
“It’s true— he did receive an order to kill Enju. But he disobeyed, and ended up fighting his own Tokugawa shinobi to keep her alive.”
“!!”
The group stood in stunned silence.
“But… why?”
Hattori Hanzō, the world’s most renowned and disciplined shinobi, disobeyed orders from the master he was loyal to for over twenty years.
An idea dawned upon the group as they recalled their conversations with Hanzō when they last met.
“Oh… could it be…?”
“There’s no other reason…”
Chōjirō nodded. “Hanzō-dono did not say, but I suspect that is the reason. I could tell from the way he talked about her.”
“Kasumi didn’t want to fight Enju-neesama that day… because Kasumi loves Enju-neesama. Did Hanzō-sama feel the same way…?”
“He even disobeyed orders from Ieyasu-sama? Man, I wonder what could have happened between those two during those months running in the forest.”
“…”
Gekkamaru didn’t say anything. He just stared wistfully into the forest behind Chōjirō with a slight smile, the sky dyed orange by the setting sun reminding him of the conversation he had with Hanzō on that day he and Kuroyuki said their goodbyes.
“—I’m sure Yuki-niisama would be happy, too. If only he were here,” Kasumi said with a hint of sadness in her expression.
“He sure is missing out on a lot,” Kyara sighed. They still had no news of Kuroyuki.
“And we still can’t even see Enju-neesama,” Kasumi added with her head drooping down.
Chōjirō cleared his throat. “The most important thing is that we know that Enju is happy and that no harm has come to her— Hanzō-dono will make sure of that.”
He added quietly,
“Maybe not now, but perhaps one day we can all visit. It is even possible that we can bring Kuroyuki along, if he desires to return to us.”
Chōjirō said all this to reassure his disciples, although he himself was doubtful that the group could all visit Enju together. But they all beamed at the idea.
“Really?” Ennosuke asked, his eyes glittering. “Maybe I can bring my haori that Kyara tore a hole in for Enju to fix!”
“Hey! It’s not my fault that I tripped!” Kyara immediately retorted. But she continued with a dropped voice upon remembering that she was, in fact, the reason she had to borrow Ennosuke’s haori on that rainy evening. “I-I didn’t mean to do that….”
With a bright smile, Ennosuke flicked Kyara’s cheek, much to Kyara’s surprise.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, I did lend it to you. With that reaction, I completely forgive you!”
Kyara made a face and was about to say something but instead she looked away bashfully. Chōjirō smiled.
“I can think of two others who would make an interesting couple,” he quipped with narrowed eyes.
“H-HUH? NO WAY!” Kyara and Ennosuke exclaimed in unison, blushing furiously. The others laughed, much to the embarrassment of the duo.
And so, the group continued chattering about what they would do on a hypothetical visit.
“Hey, hey, do you guys think Hanzō-sama will still be all scary and serious?” Ennosuke asked, his imagination flaring. “If not, then maybe I might even be able to call him ‘Hanzō-san…’ Ooh, how exciting!”
“Hmm… I’ll have to interrogate Enju thoroughly on how this all happened,” Kyara muttered to herself with a cunning grin.
“Kyara, don’t trouble Enju-sama by asking such questions,” interjected Gekkamaru.
“Kasumi can’t wait for Enju-neesama to teach her sewing again!”
Chōjirō sighed. “Kasumi, you have the other villagers for that.”
“Heeeh— but Kasumi wants Enju-neesama to be the one who teaches her…”
They all continued talking like this for a while as the sun approached the horizon.
Soon it came time for them to return to their tasks, and they all went their separate ways.
As Gekkamaru walked back to what used to be the residence of Kandō Ueno, he thought of Enju and Hanzō.
“Perhaps I will write something back,” Gekkamaru said to himself, thinking about old memories. “If I visit, I will have to find an appropriate gift for them… Enju-sama would surely be pleased.”
Evening arrived and the colors the group had talked under faded into the expanse of black above.
Maybe someday they all could talk under another setting sun, this time with Enju.
Land of Dewa, Hidden Village, Mountain Path—
Three days had passed since Hanzō-sama’s first day at the village. He had been settling in well, and I was pleased to have been able to teach him a few things like he had always done for me.
We had finished eating lunch, and Hanzō-sama and I had decided to take a walk after working the fields all morning. I was looking towards the sky, observing the position of the sun.
(That reminds me— Yachiyo-san should still be at the market today.)
“I think I should check up on Yachiyo-san…” I thought aloud.
“The woman you talk about often," Hanzō-sama said.
I nodded. “I was just thinking that I should go and talk to her again, after what I’ve told you about yesterday.”
“Hmm." He grunted, considering this information. Then he made a suggestion.
“Shall we try to go see this person?”
My eyes brightened.
“Yes!” I nodded eagerly, happy that he said so himself.
Hanzō-sama isn’t very sociable, even amongst the men he works with in the fields. That’s why I was pleased when he said he wanted to meet one of my friends, especially since it was Yachiyo-san; it would be a great idea to get them acquainted.
(I’ll be happy if Hanzō-sama has more people to call friends in this village, too.)
I tugged on his sleeve to indicate that we would be going in a different direction, and we continued walking.
As we headed there, we observed the people walking by us.
Some of them must also just be leisurely walking around like we were. And dashing past us were children playing energetically with each other— it was a comforting, peaceful scene. Soon enough I spotted Yachiyo-san seeming to have just finished talking to someone, with her baby in her arms. I called out to her.
“Yachiyo-san!”
“Oh! Enju-san!”
I ran up to her. Hanzō-sama stopped and stood close by.
“You’ve brought Haru-chan alone again today,” I noted.
“Ah yes. Momoko-chan and the others have been a big help before, but she is still sick, so I had her rest while I took care of this little one.”
“Aww— Poor Momoko-chan,” I said, lowering my voice in sympathy.
“No need to worry, it’s not the first time this happened. She’s a strong child, and she’s also taking your medicine.”
Then she finally seemed to notice Hanzo-sama, who was standing quietly and observing us.
“Hm? Enju-san, this man… Could it be…?”
“Oh!”
I turned to look at Hanzō-sama and nodded, signaling him to introduce himself.
Hanzō-sama nodded back. “Yachiyo-dono, was it? Greetings. My name is Hanzō. I am Enju’s husband. It’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!” Yachiyo-san said excitedly. “Enju-san has been talking about you a lot while you were gone. She often asked me to help her cook so that she could surprise you when you returned.”
“I see,” Hanzō-sama said with an unidentifiable expression on his face. He glanced at me.
“Y-Yachiyo-san!” I exclaimed.
“Oh, did I embarrass you? Forgive me, forgive me. I just had to take the opportunity to entertain myself. After all, I have been working pretty hard today,” she said mischievously.
“Ugh… You’re so unfair, Yachiyo-san…” I mumbled this under my breath, but I ended up laughing in the end, and Hanzō-sama gave a contented smile.
After chatting more about Yachiyo-san’s family and Hanzō-sama’s arrival, we parted from her and walked around some more. I looked to see that Hanzō-sama was nodding as if he just realized something.
“You wanted to impress me with your cooking,” he said with a slight smile. I felt my cheeks flush.
“H-Hanzō-sama, you mustn’t believe everything Yachiyo-san says! They’re half-truths! I— well, it’s not like there was anybody to cook for me!” I fumbled my words, trying to formulate an excuse. In the end I couldn’t completely deny what Yachiyo-san said, not only because it was true, but also because I secretly wanted Hanzō-sama to know that I wanted to impress him.
Hanzō-sama made a satisfied “hmm.”
“Then I will tell you clearly. You have impressed me with your food, and I can see that you have changed much in two months. Of course I am proud of you,” Hanzō-sama said with a soft gaze.
“O-Oh…”
Hearing his praise made me very happy. Still, my eyes flitted back and forth from his face to the ground.
“T-thank you, Hanzō-sama…”
“Hmm.”
He was grinning now, looking pleased at how I reacted. That expression he made just made me feel even more shy— he must have noticed because he then chuckled.
“Nn…”
(This must be why I’m starting to think that Hanzō-sama likes to see me flustered.)
Before I could pout and walk away, he extended a hand. I just smiled and took it.
He always did that every time he wanted to hold hands. In that moment I was reminded of the first time it happened. We were resting underneath a tree after working the fields—
“Hmm? What is it, Hanzō-sama?”
He had extended a hand to me, his palm outstretched and open.
“Um, do you want me to give you my nigirimeshi? I’m glad you liked it so much, but I’m already eating it…”
“No, that’s not it, although it is true that I liked it.”
“Oh…. then, why are you holding out your hand?”
“Yesterday.”
“Yesterday?”
“When you led me through the village.”
“Yes…?”
Hanzō-sama closed and opened his hand.
“You held my hand.”
“Oh!”
I felt like skipping.
(Hanzō-sama wants to hold hands…)
“Of course I’ll do it again,” I said as I tenderly took his hand in mine.
He grinned, briefly looking away when I did so.
“…Thank you.”
“Huh? You’re thanking me?”
“I thought that this is something I should thank you for.”
“Oh, I see... You’re very welcome, then.”
Inwardly I was a little surprised, but mostly really happy. We stayed like that for a while, listening to the rustling of the leaves above us in the wind.
Sometimes memories such as these would come to me in times of silence between us. While we definitely talk more than we had when we first met, he still clips his words occasionally. It bothered me when I first met him, but since then I have grown to enjoy his manner of speaking and the silence. I could also focus on our surroundings and appreciate with Hanzō-sama the aspects of the wilderness before us, such as how well the forest branches shielded us from the chilly autumn breeze as we headed down the mountain. As we walked, I would steal a glance at Hanzō-sama, and he would also take a moment to look at me back as we walked. But then he would just look away again whenever our eyes met.
(It would be fun to point this out.)
Normally I would be feeling rather bashful around him, but today was different.
“Hanzō-sama, have you always been this shy?”
“… …”
He simply averted his gaze, which only encouraged me.
"Hanzo-samaaa?"
I playfully grabbed his arm, and tried to peer over his shoulder to look at his face. Then he stopped, standing in place.
(Oh, did I do something wrong? Now I'm just a little worried—)
“Um, am I being too forward?”
“N, no. It’s not that,” he said, facing me, and spoke hesitantly. “You’re always beautiful, but I was just thinking that you look particularly beautiful right now. I couldn't look straight at you.”
“!”
I didn’t think he’d say it so directly. Seeing him blush, I felt a blush form on my cheeks myself.
“I-Is that so…”
I heard him take in a breath, as if mesmerized. That gesture of his gave me butterflies in my stomach.
"T, thank you..." I mumbled meekly.
“…Hmm.”
We ended the conversation there and continued walking. Soon we came upon a clearing where the trees opened up, and we could see the sun changing the colors of the sky as it dipped slightly. We stopped to observe this for a while, and just as I thought that I calmed down, he tightened his grip on my hand, causing my heart to thud in my chest. I looked up at him shyly.
"Enju.”
The hint of passion in his voice as he called my name almost stopped time, drawing me in. But he seemed hesitant to say anything else.
“…It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it," he said after some consideration.
“O-Oh. I see….”
I wanted to know what he was going to say, but I didn’t have the courage to ask, so I looked around and noticed the sky enveloped in even more color.
“Ah, I think— I think we should get going now— see, the sun’s setting.”
Tugging on his hand, I intended to head back home. But Hanzō-sama was rooted in place; I couldn’t take another step because he was still holding my hand.
“Hanzō-sama…?”
(Maybe this has to do with what he was going to say before.)
I turned towards him again. When I did I immediately noticed the change in his expression. Then he pulled me in close and kissed me; his slightly dry lips pressed against mine, and the gentle stirring of his breath against my skin as he parted from me only emphasized the distance between us.
“…”
After that I simply stood in place and looked at him with my reddening face.
He would kiss me on our previous walks together, but just then I could feel a new kind of passion from him, and it scattered my thoughts. The only one that made sense was my awareness of the desire to know more of that passion.
“What’s wrong? You didn’t want it?” Hanzō-sama asked.
“N-No, that’s not it! We s-should go now before it gets too late, let’s go!” I tugged on his hand, and we promptly headed back.
It was now visibly sunset, the sky dyed in oranges and scarlets with little trace of the azure of an hour ago. Hanzō-sama and I continued walking home.
I thought a little to myself, having calmed down from earlier, and the conversation with Yachiyo-san earlier today the topic on my mind instead.
(I improved a lot in my cooking over the course of two months.)
(I’m proud of myself for being able to live independently, because there were always people around to help me.)
Hanzō-sama had taught me a lot about providing for myself, but I didn’t fully grasp the ability to cook during my travels with him. That's why I worked extra hard at learning how to prepare food.
(I guess part of it was because I wanted to prove myself to him.)
And so just as Hanzō-sama and I entered our house, something occurred to me.
(Doing all that was also very wife-like of me.)
(I’ve always wanted to be more of help to him. And now I can do so as his wife.)
Looking at Hanzō-sama’s back I could see that his tasuki was still tied. I wondered if it would please him if I untied it for him.
I thought about making my offer now before Hanzō-sama settled in and did so himself, but when I imagined untying his tasuki and watching his sleeves fall to his sides, I grew strangely expectant. I took in a breath and let it out to refocus myself. Seeing that I hadn’t moved from the entrance, Hanzō-sama called out to me.
“Enju? What’s wrong?”
I stiffened, not only because I had been snapped out of my thoughts, but because of the way he softly called my name. I responded nervously,
“Um— Sorry, Hanzō-sama. I was just lost in thought. I’ll— I’ll come in now!”
I looked outside. Deep blues and tinted violets were slowly tailing the vibrant orange dipping with the setting sun.
(That’s right, there’s still much to do.)
(Maybe something to eat will take my mind off these thoughts.)
I had quickly calmed down and gotten to work.
In the garden outside, I separated the good chive bulbs from the bad ones. I didn’t exactly garden the chives— they just happened to be a part of my garden because they grew nearby, which was lucky for me because for some reason I wasn’t very good at growing them.
(Looks like tomorrow we will have to use other plants for our meals.)
Soon enough I was finished, and I called Hanzō-sama over to sit down on the tatami mats and eat.
Even though it was getting darker and colder lately, the air that diffused into the house through the shoji was warm today, and we were able to stay a comfortable distance away from the fire.
I appreciated this for a little while, and then I turned my attention back to the nostalgic taste of the small meal. Besides the miso, the chives tasted as good as they’ve always tasted— maybe the anticipation of waiting for more to grow every spring makes them taste better. It made me want to slow down to fully enjoy them. I thought that Hanzō-sama must be feeling the same way; stealing a glance at him, he seemed to be eating the bulbs with as much consideration.
“I’m glad you still like chives with miso, Hanzō-sama,” I commented.
“Why do you say that?”
“Ahaha, well it’s for a silly reason— you see, I was able to acquire a little bit of miso from Momiji-san. And it’s perfect timing too, because many of the bulbs outside are rotting. So I thought I should salvage some of them.”
“That’s not a silly reason at all,” remarked Hanzō-sama. “You’re simply being efficient with whatever you have.”
“Is that so?”
(Now that I think about it, I never thought a time would come where I would live in this way.)
I pondered something for a bit. “In Kōga we would just buy most of our food from elsewhere… was it the same for you, Hanzō-sama?”
“It was for Iga,” he said. “And working for the Tokugawas, we were also supplied generous amounts of rice. We were not farmers, after all.”
“I see— you must not be used to this either.”
Hanzō-sama nodded. “It is a completely different way of life.”
“Huh…”
We continued eating.
In the moments of silence that followed I thought about what he said.
(I’m sure all of this change must have been more difficult for Hanzō-sama than it was for me.)
(It’s possible that Hanzō-sama could have continued working as a shinobi. I feel as if maybe he had pride in living like that. But he got injured, and his wounds reopened, and now he is unable to fight well— that was all for my sake.)
Hanzō-sama never talked about returning to his old ways or complained about the toil of life in the hidden village.
(Even so…)
I lowered my head as I told him:
“Maybe, if you didn’t get so badly hurt…”
My brows furrowed as my voice trailed off.
“…I would still be working as a shinobi?” Hanzō-sama had finished the thought for me.
I looked up. He was staring intently at me.
“Wasn’t it important to you?” I asked.
“It was important to me as any way of life would naturally be,” he replied.
(So it wouldn’t matter how he was brought up…?)
“Moreover,” he continued with a firm voice, “it was the same for you, was it not?”
“Yes… But Hanzō-sama, you were the best…”
“I just chose what was more important to me,” he said.
The strength that lined his simple words indicated the finality of the matter but also resonated with me deeply.
(That’s because I also made a decision back then: to stay alive, because I want to, not because I have orders to fulfill or a village to serve.)
I remembered what Hanzō-sama said that night I realized he intended to kill himself: that we were different. But even so, Hanzō-sama chose to live.
(I have admired him from the beginning for his strength in battle, but it must have taken much strength to choose to live a completely different life.)
The conversation we had on our walk earlier this afternoon came back to me. A smile formed on my face, and I turned to look at him.
“I’m proud of you, Hanzō-sama.” It was heartfelt.
Repeating my words back at me, he seemed somewhat perplexed at my statement, eyes slightly widened.
“Proud, of me…?”
“You’re strong in so many ways,” I continued enthusiastically, having unwittingly taken his hand in mine. “I’m happy that you’re doing so well in this village after all that’s happened. You are a wonderful person— I’m glad that you are by my side.”
“…I see.”
He then looked away.
After a moment I realized that his cheeks were slightly flushed. Was it because of what I said? Or maybe it was because of my proximity.
“Oh…!”
I realized that, when I had taken his hand, I had held it against my upper thigh. Immediately I released his hand and shifted away, partially out of embarrassment but also because the situation made me burn up on the inside.
I looked back at him. He was looking at me too— it seemed like he wanted to say something, as his gaze carried hints of intensity just like earlier today. But he just let out a breath, and that expression disappeared from his face. Then he spoke.
“Thank you.”
He held his hand out.
Still feeling bashful, I nodded and timidly reached out to him, taking a few breaths to calm myself down.
(It’s just getting harder to feel calm around him.)
Land of Dewa, Hidden Village, Mountain Road—
A few weeks have passed since Hanzō-sama began living with me. During that time we continued to spend our days cycling between household chores and working the fields. I was getting accustomed to this peaceful life with Hanzo-sama by my side. But even so, a part of me was still restless, in a way, living with him. It was always like that, ever since he returned to me. That's why I was taking a walk by myself to think about this.
Before I knew it, I was at the river. The bed and its smooth stones were just by my feet. As I watched small fish swim over them, I thought on what had happened between us so far.
Ever since Hanzo-sama started living with me, I felt like I wanted more. When we hugged or kissed, it never felt enough, but neither of us did anything else.
I could easily change this situation myself by talking to Hanzo-sama, but even if I thought that way, I still didn’t have the courage to do so, because that would mean something important would change. And so I was stuck in a place where these feelings became increasingly harder to keep to myself.
Perhaps unconsciously I had headed to where Yachiyo-san would be washing her clothes, because not far from where I was standing I spotted her just as she looked up from picking up a load of laundry.
"Oh? Enju-san?" Yachiyo-san called out to me and approached, basket in tow. "What are you doing here, just wandering around?"
"Oh, that’s… Um, what about you? Isn't Momoko-chan with you?"
"Mm, Asano is with her, and he's also with the little one."
(That's right, she's sick, how did I forget?)
Her eyes narrowed as she looked over me. I realized too late that she noticed the pink on my cheeks which formed from the topic I was preoccupied with.
"Hmm... well, enough about me. You look like you’re heating up. Did you catch Momoko’s fever? Or, is something on your mind?"
"That’s…" I looked away, wondering if I wanted to bring it up again, my cheeks heating up even more.
I would often go to Yachiyo-san for advice on many things. As a woman living with her lover, naturally the conversation would turn to more intimate topics, such as, perhaps, making love. It was embarrassing, but it helped to talk about everything, especially since I had no prior experience in having a lover or in being intimate with a man. More than that, it cleared my mind on something important.
(I want to express my affection for Hanzo-sama in that way.)
This is what I have thought for a while. My feelings were slowly bubbling up, and they would soon overflow.
It looked like Yachiyo-san figured out what was on my mind, because as my gaze flitted from her face to the ground, a look of understanding dawned over her expression.
"I see. Then, why don't you tell me about it as we walk back?”
"Um, all right. Thank you for having me...!"
The sky was orange when I left Yachiyo-san's home.
I heaved a sigh to myself, feeling a little embarrassed as I headed back to where Hanzo-sama would be waiting for me. The closer I got the more nervous I felt, which was natural given what Yachiyo-san told me recently.
(Hanzo-sama can be a rather shy man, it seems. So...)
Arriving before it got dark, I entered our home. Hanzō-sama was there, working on mending his kosode.
“Ah. Enju. Welcome home.”
“Yes— I’m home.”
We exchanged greetings with a smile. This everyday comfort gave me a brief respite from my more recent thoughts.
(I don’t think I can get tired of seeing his smiling face.)
(From now on, I want to see every expression of his—)
Suddenly, I was reminded of Yachiyo-san’s words.
(I shouldn’t think like that when Hanzo-sama is right in front of me!)
(But she’s right. If I’m ready, then maybe—)
“Enju. I will go draw water for the bath. After that, we can eat.”
“A-Ah, okay!”
I watched his broad back as he left. In my mind I strengthened my resolve.
The brilliant rays of sun left in the sky had disappeared completely with the carefully eaten food, and the moon above could be clearly seen against the darkness of the open expanse of sky, its light filtering through the shouji along with the wind.
We had already taken our baths and completed our daily chores. Now we were preparing to go to sleep.
I loosened my hair tie and undid my braid to let my hair fall to my shoulders.
(It looks very bright tonight.)
I was also taking the time to watch the moon. The full shape felt nostalgic, and I looked back on a few memories.
(I’m happy that Hanzo-sama got to know the new place we live in a little better these recent days. He is even talking to Yachiyo-san and Hinata-san more.)
(And now he is here when I wake up and when I go to sleep. And I'm going to live by his side, just like this.)
(—Come to think of it, we do sleep rather close together.)
When we lay out the futons we place them right next to each other, probably because the room is small, but also because we want to rest in more of each other’s presence.
I was reminded of his first night here, and that feeling of anticipation came to me again, leading me to think about our reunion. Standing in the moonlight, I recalled how the light behind him highlighted his soft yet rough-looking hair, where we kissed over and over in a tight embrace.
(I wonder if he will do that again.)
As I considered this, I noticed Hanzo-sama enter from outside. He seemed to be ready to head to his futon. But before he could do that, I immediately moved, my body making the decision before I fully realized it.
“A-Ah, wait!” I exclaimed, reaching out and taking his hand.
“Hm? What’s wrong?”
“What would you think about me sleeping in your futon?”
“…”
He looked a little surprised, or maybe even flustered, as his lips quivered before speaking.
“You won’t feel uncomfortable, sleeping so close to me?”
I thought he looked a little shy but it was too dark to know for sure as we were standing in the shadows.
“No— not at all. I would actually like to be next to you. And, um, it won’t bother me, because we have already slept close beside each other before, haven’t we?”
“Yes, that’s true,” he muttered quickly. “Then, let’s go.”
“Y-yes.”
Before I knew it, he had taken my hand and firmly gripped it as he led me to his futon.
(I can’t believe I said that— I’m getting even more nervous now.)
My heart pounded as Hanzō-sama lowered us gently to the futon. But as soon as we sat down he simply let go of my hand.
At that point, I thought that it was enough because my heart was beating so fast that I didn’t think I could take anymore, which is why I decided to lay down without saying anything further. But just when I was about to do that, Hanzō-sama caught me with a hand.
“Wait.”
“!”
His sudden touch and firm voice commanded me, and I almost let out a gasp, my cheeks immediately heating up. But he retreated somewhat, looking a little unsure.
“…No, it’s nothing.”
“I, see…”
(Somehow, I feel like he’s been saying that a lot.)
Upon thinking that, something inside me compelled me to speak just like earlier.
“But Hanzō-sama, I— I actually want something,” I said nervously.
“What is it?”
“I want to hug— that is, if it’s all right with you.”
“I don’t mind.”
With a slight nod he tentatively reached his arms around me and pulled me in.
“Like this?”
“Y-yes,” I said quietly, resting my head on his chest.
We stayed like that for a while, the sound of our breathing filling the silence.
After I felt more comfortable, I nuzzled against his cheek affectionately— when I did that he gave me a light kiss on the cheek.
Feeling bold, I decided to kiss him on the lips— he then kissed me back. I kissed him again, wanting to continue, and from there, we shared successive kisses, growing more passionate each time we met. We pulled each other in closer and kissed almost greedily, not wanting to stop. Briefly I felt his tongue brush against my lips when we kissed a little deeper as if to coax my response, and we pulled away awkwardly, surprised by the intensity of our exchange.
The moonlight shone on his face, where I could see a heated glint in his eyes as we looked at each other in silence, breathing slightly heavier. Only then I realized how hot I felt inside and how heated my cheeks were.
“Enju…”
“Ah, Hanzō-sama, I…”
After he quietly called out my name, my mind raced for words, and I continued trying to tell him how I felt.
“Um… well, do you want to…?”
Unable to get any more words out, I gazed at him expectantly.
“Make love?” he said quietly.
“Yes… I— I want to make love with you, Hanzō-sama, s-so…”
“…”
Hanzō-sama’s lips quivered, as if he wanted to say something to me that moment. However, he spoke after a brief silence.
“—Are you sure about this?”
“I am… But, do you… not want to?” I asked shyly.
“I do want to do this with you,” he whispered, and called out to me gently. “Enju—“
Contrary to the strong emotion that lined his voice just then he then leaned in and gave a light, gentle kiss, causing me to feel just as light and giddy. Continuing our previous exchange, we kissed again and again, my hands wandering up to shift my clothes down and loosen them. Noticing this Hanzō-sama parted from me as I started, and after hesitating a little, I exposed my shoulders and then my breasts.
The last time I undressed in front of him, he took care not to look. But now he seemed to be staring at me as if he couldn’t take his eyes off of me.
(I just feel even more shy about being naked when he looks at me like that.)
“U-Um, Hanzō-sama? Is something wrong…?” I prompted softly, causing him to speak up.
“—No, not at all. I was only thinking about how beautiful you are.”
“A-ah, t-thank you…” I averted my gaze, feeling my cheeks heat up even more. Hanzō-sama sharply inhaled and looked away.
“You are cute,” he mumbled.
“!”
I almost gasped at his comment. However, I soon noticed that he looked rather shy as well, which prompted me to say something to him back.
“Hanzō-sama, um, I think you’re the one who’s cute,” I said, giving a timid smile. “And I love that about you.”
“...!”
He tensed upon hearing me say that.
Suddenly he leaned in and embraced me, kissing me more intensely than before. As he did so, his hands wandered over my exposed back and shoulders; deepening the kiss, he pushed his tongue in past my lips.
“Nn—”
I felt his hands move down to caress my waist, his cool fingers scorching my skin; at that I arched my back, letting out a small gasp in between our kiss. After moving his hands lower under my thighs, he lifted them and placed his hips in between them. At that I reflexively pushed back against his chest.
“Hanzō-sama, w-wait.”
“Hm…? What’s wrong?”
“You’re going too fast— please slow down.”
“…! S, sorry.” He removed himself from me and gave an apologetic look. “Was I too forceful?”
“Um, yes, you surprised me.”
“Right.” His cheeks turned a light shade of pink, and he looked away bashfully before speaking again.
“This is my first time doing this so I… was very eager.”
“Oh, well, this is also my f-first time.” I gave a small smile. “And I guess that makes me a little nervous about this, so that’s why I want to go slow.”
“I see.”
He paused, seeming to think to himself for a moment.
“…Is it okay if I touch you?” he asked.
“Oh, I— I would like that,” I said, fumbling my words.
“I see.” He took in a breath. “Then… excuse me,” he whispered.
He pulled me in by my waist, with one hand resting on my hip and the other hand cupping one of my breasts. After I gave a slight nod, he gave a light squeeze and gently massaged me. As he did that, I sensed that his breath grew a little quicker.
“…Soft,” he murmured.
I sucked in a breath, his low, gentle voice and touch clouding my senses.
“Your skin is very soft,” he whispered.
He shifted a hand from my hip to my thigh and stroked me there, and I suppressed a gasp.
The more he kept doing all of that the more I felt something hot stir inside me. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was really doing this with him; before I realized it, I was pleasuring myself with a hand. Noticing this he lightly nudged his hand lower.
I timidly met his eyes, where from his intent gaze I could tell that he wanted to touch me; knowing this, I wordlessly placed a palm on top of his hand and led him to my folds. Silently he continued, watching every subtle reaction I made to his touch, which only left me wanting more. When I was ready I had his fingers move up and around my folds and to my most sensitive area, where he stroked and massaged gently.
"K-keep doing it like that, don't press too hard..."
I would tell him how I wanted it and he would just grunt, doing as I said. I was still nervous and embarrassed, but I was able to relax more after sensing that he too felt the same way with every delicate, attentive touch, his other arm around my waist and over my belly, holding me securely. We did not need words any longer; Hanzo-sama was the person who knew and accepted all of me, after all.
I didn't know how much time had passed; I still couldn't keep myself from squirming with pleasure and impatience in his grasp with his large fingertips tenderly and eagerly rubbing me without pause, and I soon jerked my head in an attempt to meet his eyes, wanting to call out to him as I peaked. But suddenly he pulled his hand away and instead slowly rubbed my inner thigh, showing no signs of continuing.
"Nn—"
Left desperately wanting more, I intended to relieve the sensation with a hand, but he simply held me tighter, pulling my arms to the sides of my body— I could only sit there and squirm with trembling legs and my mind almost boiled over. Because of that I had no choice but to say something.
“Hanzō-sama…!” I squeaked.
“What is it?” he murmured.
“Please don’t tease me… keep going…”
He kissed my earlobe and whispered,
“I needed to keep you like that for a little longer. Forgive me.”
I let out a small gasp. The sensation of his breath lingered in my ear as he let out a low chuckle.
(He really does like to tease me…)
Hanzō-sama released me from his hold. He started slowly, going faster like before, only this time he didn’t stop. Like before, I relished in the sensation of his large hands, urgently welcoming the immense pleasure from before. With a hand I reached out to him to caress his cheek, unable to suppress my moans. Just as I felt myself about to peak, I turned to look at Hanzō-sama’s face once more.
“…!!”
The sound that would have escaped my mouth was sealed by his lips. As we kissed, he slowly eased his movements and came to a stop. When he parted from me he kept me close as I shuddered. Then he asked me a question.
“Was that good?”
“Yes, um, it felt really good...”
“Mm.”
Hanzō-sama seemed a little relieved when I said that.
“Um… thank you. I liked it v-very much.” It was all I could tell him in order to express my gratitude.
"No need for thanks," he whispered, and I couldn't help but shudder at that, my mind racing with excitement from the fact that I just experienced this with him. In a daze, my mind wandered, and I thought about him.
(That’s right...)
An idea then occurred to me. I looked into his eyes and spoke.
“Hanzō-sama… I have a request.”
“Mmm.”
“Turn around. A-And take off your clothes. I want to do something…”
“…”
He just gave a small nod, and obediently adjusted himself and loosened his clothing.
First he exposed his shoulders, then he pulled his arms out of his sleeves. After he was finished, his entire back was exposed.
“Like this?” he asked quietly.
“Um, yes.”
I was shyly flitting my eyes from his back to the wall, but now that he was done I decided to look at him properly.
The pale light pouring in allowed me to see his musculature clearly, and I almost held my breath at how handsome he looked even from behind. Numerous faint scars received over the years streaked his skin, but only two drew my eyes to follow the length of them; one was trailing down next to his spine, the proof that he protected my body and kept me alive, and the other was on his side, the one that he received protecting my very spirit. All of this just made him look all the more beautiful in my eyes.
I inhaled sharply, as if reminding myself to breathe again.
“… …”
Hanzō-sama made a low, awkward sound.
(I wonder— Is he feeling shy from being looked at for so long?)
“Oh, um, Hanzō-sama, I was just thinking that you’re very m-muscular,” I said just as awkwardly.
“…Mmm.”
As I struggled for more words, he then spoke tentatively.
“Do you like it?”
His voice seemed somewhat expectant, and I remembered something.
(He wasn't shy about exposing his skin like this before. I wonder what changed?)
Seeing how he felt, I smiled, having decided to tell him as clearly as I could.
“Ah, yes, I d-do. I think, that you look attractive.”
“…I see,” he muttered, sucking in a breath.
Hearing his reaction I thought about how perhaps he wasn’t used to being complimented like that; since I couldn’t see his face I could only imagine what kind of expression he was making. In his timid silence I decided to start.
I gingerly reached out a hand and placed a palm on the middle of his back. Then I awkwardly moved it across towards his shoulder blades. Returning my hand to the center I rested my palm there; underneath I felt the beating of his heart.
(Oh— it’s fast. He has already felt my heartbeat before, so I’m happy I can do this.)
Touching his back was exciting for me, but there wasn’t much reaction from him, only a meager sense of shyness. I thought about how I reacted earlier to his touch, and an idea came to me.
(I’ll be a little bold.)
So I slowly took the pressure off my palm, releasing it so that only my fingers were in contact with his back. Then with the tips I moved to trace the back of his neck and slipped downwards towards his nape.
“Hah—"
Hanzō-sama shuddered.
(This is working— perhaps I should get him back for all the times he teased me.)
And so I decided to be just a little more bold.
I leaned in closer and lightly kissed his nape. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my chest against his back. In that position my lips were situated right next to his ear, where something burning inside of me led me to want to do more.
“Mm—"
I then kissed his earlobe. After he jerked his head a little, I lightly nibbled on his ear, causing him to suppress a moan and breathe a little heavier.
(Hanzō-sama can make a noise like that— that’s surprising.)
Tightening my arms around him, I continued as if urged on by the small noises he made, my fingers brushing over his hard chest. In between kisses, I whispered softly by his ear.
“Hanzō-sama… could it be that, your ears are sensitive…?”
“E-Enju, t-that’s…”
He let out a small gasp and continued breathing raggedly. I felt his heart pound against my chest.
(Oh— I feel sorry for him. Maybe I’ll go somewhere else.)
My lips returned to his neck, where I lightly kissed and sucked on his skin. In my heightened desire I indulged in a vague, primal emotion that burned inside me; after sucking a little harder, I left a kiss over the mark I made and lightly flicked my tongue across his skin, causing him to let out a pleasured groan. Then he called out to me in a small, quiet voice.
“Enju, please— s, stop…”
“!”
I let go of him and quickly shifted away from his back, partially because of what he said but also because I felt embarrassed myself— jolted out of my passion, I inwardly was amazed at myself.
(I can’t believe I did all that—)
I sat facing his side. From that angle I could see his face; he was bright red. Even the tips of his ears were tinged red.
“Hanzō-sama? Was that too much...?” I asked with a hint of concern.
(Maybe I was too bold…?)
“N-No, I’m just not used to it. I like it when you do that,” he muttered, the embarrassment heating up his cheeks.
“Then, is it okay if I continue?”
“M-Mmm.” He nodded shyly. A warm emotion welled up within me.
(Hanzō-sama really is cute.)
I shifted towards him to continue and kissed his cheek. After I did that, I noticed that he had moved a hand and stroked himself along his shaft, which was now glistening at the tip. And he looked at me almost pleadingly.
(That could be why he asked me to stop.)
Reminded of our conversation earlier, my lips quivered before I spoke again.
“Do you want me to touch you like that?” I asked timidly, wondering how I would do so.
“…”
He stayed quiet for a moment, contemplating this. Then his expression became serious, and he met my gaze.
“No— instead, come here,” he murmured. “I want to hold you.”
”All right.”
Knowing what he meant, I simply nodded with a gulp, a mixture of thrill, arousal, and slight anxiety swirling within me as I placed myself in front of him. Slowly I drew closer, conscious of how wet I was and how hard he was as my hands rested on his shoulders. The pounding in my chest was almost deafening, and the desire to be much, much closer to him clouded my head; even so, I hesitated a little.
(Since I only ever used my fingers, I’m not sure I can accommodate his size…)
“What’s wrong?” Hanzō-sama asked with heated eyes.
“W-Well… I was just thinking that, maybe this will hurt.”
”…”
Stiffening for a moment, he took in a deep breath, as if calming himself down.
“Enju— do you not want this after all?”
“No, that’s not it, Hanzō-sama,” I interjected quickly, caressing his cheek. “I am only a little nervous, that’s all. I— I want you— I want to feel more of you…”
“Mm— So do I,” he murmured, taking my wrist and nuzzling against my palm.
(I love him so much.)
After feverishly kissing my fingertips, he then placed his hands on my hips.
“Are you ready?”
“Um, yes!”
Hanzō-sama lifted me and pulled me towards him while I adjusted myself so that I could straddle him. Then he entered me slowly— it was surprising how easy it was. More than that, it felt good, not only the sensation of him inside me, but of grinding against him as I rocked my hips.
Wrapping our arms around each other we indulged in a warm embrace, our quickening exhales accompanying the sweat beginning to streak our skin. Against my neck was the dizzying sensation of Hanzō-sama’s hot breath; in the heat between us we melted together. As if hoping this would last forever, we rocked slowly against each other, savoring each other’s presence.
“Does this… feel good…?” he asked between breaths.
“Ah, yes, it does— Hanzō-sama—”
His closeness was almost intoxicating, and I dimly thought about how unbelievable it all was. But my initial disbelief quickly dissipated with every run of my fingers through his hair and every exhale of his that sent the moisture of his breath over my skin.
Gradually we began to move more eagerly against each other, with me going faster along his length, grinding harder, and him leaning back and propping himself up with his hands on the futon, breathing slightly heavier. I couldn't stop myself from trying to take all of him in, and I closed my eyes, consumed by the stretch and fullness I had never experienced before, my worries about pain soon replaced by the ecstasy of him hitting the right place and me trying to find it again and again. As we went at this pace, I realized something and called out to him.
”Hanzō-sama— if we keep going like this, I will— and, I will be too tired to continue…”
“I see— then we will slow down.”
“Is that, okay? Will you be able to…?”
At that he just nodded, and murmured with a hunger in his eyes.
“Let me cherish you more.”
After saying that he leaned in, firmly gripped my hips, and then moved to kiss my neck and then my cheek, covering me in soft kisses: I went weak when he did that. So when he went for my lips it was almost dizzying— his kisses were soft at first but each time he kissed again he did it deeper until he used his tongue like before, gently tasting my mouth. Wanting more of him I leaned into the kiss and brushed my tongue against his lips; Hanzō-sama reciprocated and let me enter, where I tentatively explored him. After sharing kisses over and over again we finally parted, leaving a single thread remaining between our lips which dissipated once he returned to pressing his face against my neck. At that moment, I felt myself leaning backwards— he was intending to push me down.
“Ah…!”
It surprised me a little, so I let out a small gasp. This time Hanzō-sama didn’t seem to notice the noise I made.
Lying on the futon with my hands beside my head, I could feel his weight over me as he continued, holding one of my hands in his own and pinning my wrist down with his other hand. His face in my neck, he kissed and sucked on my skin, causing me to let out more gasps. But after a few moments I realized he was being a little rough, as the sensation of him moving against me was uncomfortable. I decided to call out to him.
“Hanzō-sama, will you be more gentle—”
“…!”
He immediately tensed and raised himself up from my body.
“S-Sorry,” he mumbled, releasing my wrist and hand, his eyes clouding over with worry. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, I’m fine. You can continue, just don’t be rough.” I bashfully smiled. “A-and I would like you to hold my hand again.”
His expression softened.
“Of course.”
Our fingers intertwined as he continued, moving slowly.
Looking at him from below, with his face sensually framed by his disheveled hair, excited me. My eyes falling on his lips, I reached an arm around him, lifting my head a little as I pulled him closer to kiss him. Then I guided him to my neck.
“Kiss me more here,” I said softly.
“Mm— You really like to be kissed,” Hanzō-sama murmured, causing me to giggle— I couldn’t help but agree. He then buried his head in my neck.
As he moved faster against me, he lightly sucked and nibbled on my skin, trailing his kisses upwards to gently take my earlobe between his teeth— in response, I ran my fingers through his hair, over his ears, and down his neck. He wrapped an arm around my waist and gently lifted my hips, as if wanting to press all of himself into me; I moaned and called out his name, the pleasure from his movements all I could focus on.
(If he keeps doing it like that, then I...!)
But I could tell that he was getting close too, because after kissing me he lifted his head and we gazed into each other’s eyes; looking up at him, I could see that there was pleasure heavy on his eyelids. In that moment, I thought to myself.
(More than anything, I’m happy.)
(I got to see so many new expressions on Hanzō-sama’s face today.)
“…!!!”
He exhaled sharply and I felt myself being filled with more of him as we clung on to each other tightly. Our breaths mingled as we faced each other silently, looking into each other's eyes. Afterwards he laid down on the futon with me, the both of us feeling exhausted but satisfied. I managed to squeeze out a few words.
“Did you enjoy it, Hanzō-sama?”
“Of course,” he sleepily replied.
(I guess there was no need to ask. Still, I’m happy he said that.)
“Did you?” he asked.
“Yes.” I gave a small smile.
A few moments passed in silence. I closed my eyes since I thought Hanzō-sama was going to fall asleep, but then I heard him speak again.
“Enju…”
Opening my eyes, I saw that he was gazing warmly at me.
“Yes?” I asked softly.
He pushed a lock of hair away from my face and cupped my cheek.
“You’re all I have,” he murmured. “I belong to you.”
“Hanzō-sama…”
I moved a hand towards his face. My fingers brushed his cheek as I swept aside a few strands of his hair.
“I’ll stay by your side, always,” I whispered as I rested my palm on his cheek. “I’m yours forever.”
“Mmm— that’s good.”
Eventually, we let go of each other’s faces, a looming drowsiness taking its hold on us. I snuggled in closer.
My ear was pressed against him. The movement of his chest as he breathed was calming, and I closed my eyes again. I then noticed that I could hear his heartbeat, strong and steady.
(Hanzō-sama is alive and here— it’s because we both decided to live.)
(From now on, we will live peacefully like this, together…)
We didn’t say anything else to each other. Instead, we drifted to sleep listening to the sound of our contented breathing.
Hidden Village, Enju and Hanzō’s Residence—
When Hanzō first awoke, it didn’t take him very long to remember.
Sleeping close up against him was Enju, his lovely wife, so it was only a matter of time. But there was problem, or rather an increasing number of problems, for every exhale of hers tickled his cheek, and the warmth of her bare skin beckoned him to come closer. As he became aware of all this, his heart began to race.
(This is bad.)
Hanzo closed his eyes, trying to think. His efforts to focus on something else were futile as all he could think of was Enju's face next to his. When he opened his eyes again he was captivated— as she slept, her eyelashes fluttered and her lips quivered in a slight smile. He inhaled sharply, and thought dimly.
(She must be having a peaceful dream.)
Mesmerized by her sleeping expression, Hanzo’s body reacted accordingly; his racing heart skipped a beat, thinking of how cute she looked, and heat rose inside him, a deep arousal slowly stirring. His passionate feelings intensified; his lips longed to meet hers and his hips ached to press against her and feel more of her. And yet, smitten as he was, in the end he managed to suppress his desires and return to reason.
(I have to stay calm. She wouldn’t want it right now.)
His mind hurried again for something else to think about, and at last he was able focus on practical matters.
(That’s right, I should go and cook this morning.)
Slowly but reluctantly he removed himself from Enju’s side, missing the warmth of her body next to his— quickly and quietly he fixed his clothing and put away Enju’s futon, closing the shoji behind him. Finally he allowed himself a quick breath, as if he was holding it in the entire time.
“Hah—”
Some part of him wondered if she was pretending to be asleep and knew how nervous he actually was.
(After all, she is a former shinobi.)
“…”
He shook his head and refocused himself.
(What am I thinking?)
“Worrying about something like that…” he muttered.
Hanzō felt as if he would crumble on the inside. He wasn’t sure if he’d keep his calm through the rest of the day, but he decided to try anyway. After all, there was always a lot to do for every given morning.
“…I should get started on the food,” he mumbled to himself. “I must hurry before she wakes up.”
Enju and Hanzo's residence, that same morning--
It took me a little longer than usual to awaken. I groaned and stretched my legs as the sunlight filtering through the shōji fell on my eyes. Then I noticed that Hanzō-sama was not in the room.
“Ah… he woke up before me,” I mumbled to myself while yawning at the same time. “Where…”
My voice trailed off as I noticed his presence in the house and the crackling of a fire beyond the dividers.
(Hanzō-sama must be tending to the fire.)
I sniffed the air, sensing something good in the works. Then I realized that I was in his futon because it had his scent.
There was also how if I turned my gaze to look at the side of the room where he would usually lay his futon, I could see that I was closer to the wall, meaning that I was on his side. The other side was where my futon would be— Hanzō-sama must have folded it and put it away already.
Finally, I realized I was naked. And at that, the events of last night flooded my head.
“…!”
When I woke up I was kind of disappointed that Hanzō-sama did not get up at the same time I did, but after remembering all of that, I was almost thankful that he didn’t because I wasn’t sure how I would interact with him again.
(But I can’t be shy forever. We are husband and wife after all, and it’s normal to spend the night like that.)
—At least, that’s what I told myself, but it didn’t help in calming my rapidly beating heart.
I finally decided to sit up. As soon as I did that I noticed that I was kind of sore from last night.
(Oh… we must have gone a little too fast. They did tell me that this might happen.)
(Perhaps getting up and walking around would do me some good.)
As I stood up, my gaze fell on the hastily removed clothing I took off last night next to the futon. They would usually be folded neatly. At that I experienced a strange mixture of fondness and embarrassment.
(I guess I really was eager.)
And of course, I didn’t see Hanzō-sama’s clothes nearby as he got up before me— not that his clothes would have been laid on the floor any neater than mine.
Then, something felt strange.
(! I’ll have to wash up.)
Praying that Hanzō-sama wouldn’t walk in, I hurried to take care of those things. Soon enough I found myself in front of the shōji, finally wearing clothes and with my hair tied up.
I took a deep breath, trying not to think about what I would do next, then shifted the dividers aside.
He was there, sitting by the irori.
I thought I saw him stiffen for a brief moment, but before I could completely register it he returned to his usual composure.
And so, I forced out my next words in an effort to prevent an awkward silence.
“Oh… g-good morning, H-Hanzō-sama.”
“Good morning.”
“Um… yes. Good morning.”
I couldn’t help but repeat myself, even though Hanzō-sama was just as usual.
(Am I the only one who’s nervous? …I should try to focus on something else.)
Looking to the fire crackling in the middle of the hearth, I noticed that he was grilling fish. I wondered how early he must have risen to even get the fish, not to mention come back and cook it.
“It’s yamame” he explained. “You must be hungry now.”
I blinked.
“Are you saying… you’re cooking for me?
“Of course. When you cook, you always cook for the both of us, do you not?”
I felt tickled by his casual statement.
(This means that Hanzō-sama got up early so I wouldn’t make breakfast for us instead.)
But I continued with my half-protests, trying to hide how flustered I was.
“Yes… B-But so early?”
“I thought that you would wake up shortly, and you did.”
“O-Oh.”
Since I ran out of things to say, I just stood there as Hanzō-sama took the fish out of the fire. Then he spoke.
“What’s wrong? Are you not going to sit down and eat?”
“Oh, r-right…!”
(I need to get myself together.)
I took a deep breath, letting all the tension leave my body.
“It’s nothing, Hanzō-sama,” I said with a relaxed smile. “Thank you for cooking.”
“Mmm,” he nodded, smiling back at me.
I lowered myself a little slowly onto the tatami mats. Hanzō-sama seemed to notice this as he looked over me with concern. He spoke hesitantly.
“…Did anything hurt?”
I smiled.
“Not at all— I’m just a little sore, is all.”
“O-Oh. I see.”
The fact that Hanzō-sama noticed that I sat down slowly for that reason tickled me.
(He seems a lot more sensitive to everything I do— I never thought I’d see him act this way around me.)
“…Thank you for asking.”
“Hmm.” He nodded awkwardly and handed me some of the fish— I gladly accepted it and took a bite.
“Ah— this tastes very good, Hanzō-sama! It reminds me of when we camped in the mountains.”
“Yes.”
“It feels like it happened years ago— You would always hunt and cook for us, and one day when we were by camping by a river you brought the same kind of fish we are eating right now.”
I continued enthusiastically.
“You told me to gut the fish instead of grilling it, and I was so bad at it… But now I’m pretty good gutting fish.” I added in a lowered voice: “Although… I still do prefer it grilled.”
“I know,” he said. “That’s why I grilled it.”
He said it as if it were a matter of fact, but from his expression I could tell that saying that made him feel shy.
“Yes… Thank you, Hanzō-sama.”
He nodded with a grunt.
Hanzō-sama had always done nice things for me like that. In the past I would thank him, but he wouldn’t be very good at accepting gratitude most of the time. Now that we live together, I often thank him for even the little things. At first, he resisted like usual, saying that he hasn’t done anything. But after a couple of days, he would just nod his head like he did just now— I don’t think he would have done that before.
(This makes me think that I influence Hanzō-sama more than I think I do.)
“Anyway,” he spoke with narrowed eyes, a slight smile forming on his face. “Since you reacted so well to my cooking, you’ll be sure to let me cook more often, will you not?”
“Oh— yes, of course!” I nodded vigorously.
(In the end, I’m actually happy he said that, not only because his food is delicious, but because we can live together as more of a team like this.)
Then Hanzō-sama held out his hand— I naturally reached out and took it.
I saw that the morning was somewhat chilly and that the traces of summer heat had disappeared altogether into the autumn season. With this, I took the opportunity to lean in close to Hanzō-sama as I ate.
My ear was pressed up against him. I could hear his heartbeat again.
Last night as we laid down to rest his heart was beating steadily, but since right now there was no release to relax him I could hear it pounding against his chest.
(It looks like Hanzō-sama isn’t as composed as I thought.)
Hidden Village, Field—
A chilly breeze blew by all those who were working the fields that day and the clouds above provided a much-needed break from the hot sun, even if the days were getting colder. But Hanzō wasn’t in a state of mind to appreciate any of that. Even after his meals with Enju, no matter how hard he tried to concentrate, memories of the previous night stubbornly flashed in his mind.
“…”
The silhouette of her lithe form burned into his memory. The softness of her skin, the sweet sensation of her lips, the cool touch of her fingers across his back left his thoughts so uncharacteristically in disarray.
These feelings that he harbored inside him only intensified after seeing her in person welcoming him home to the village. Because of course, he couldn’t help but think about being close with her like that while at the Tokugawas.
The Tokugawas, he thought resignedly.
Thinking about his time there have him a brief respite from his clouded head.
When he went back to the Tokugawas after travelling with Enju, it was strangely business as usual, despite his uncharacteristic actions against them. Although, if he showed any weakness, for example, perhaps a single longing gaze at the scenery, his master would relentlessly tease him for it.
"... ..."
At some point it just so happened that these instances occurred often enough that Hanzo's lord took it upon himself to help him and talk with him. One of these times was different than the usual advice. Hanzo was then reminded of a conversation he had with Ieyasu a few months back—
“Hanzō. You’re going to be that girl’s husband, are you not?” asked Ieyasu.
Hanzō gave a small nod, only a little surprised by the topic because he knew that Ieyasu would bring his relationship with Enju up one way or another.
“Yes. That is my wish,” he replied.
“I see. But you know, Hanzō,” he continued casually, “this does make me wonder about you.”
“About me…? Why?”
“Because you don’t know much about women, do you not?”
Hanzō stopped, stunned by the implication of that question.
“Ieyasu-sama, what do you mean…?”
Ieyasu gave a large, exaggerated sigh, and pulled out a scroll as if prepared for that conversation.
“Why don’t you read this?” he said, presenting an erotic image of a man and a woman engaging with each other. Hanzo’s eyes widened, noticeably caught off guard.
“Ah, this is—”
“I hope you learn much from it~”
Before Hanzō could say anything further, Ieyasu had placed the material in his hands and sauntered away nonchalantly.
”… …”
(Is Ieyasu-sama trying to help me?)
After giving it some consideration, Hanzō awkwardly stashed the scroll away.
(…Maybe I will need this.)
“…Mm.”
The memory made him grunt audibly.
Hanzō knew he was inexperienced and lacked the proper "training" on how to please women in that way, but it was still quite embarrassing for someone to do for him what Ieyasu did. Because beyond presenting him with images demonstrating all the different acts common to lovers, Ieyasu sat him down one day and explained all the basics from the start, much to the annoyance of Hanzo as he of course possessed the knowledge of what those matters entailed, just like anyone else.
(To think that I would be treated so much like a child…)
He sighed.
(Perhaps it’s only natural. All my life I only focused on the ways of a shinobi.)
That dedication did not prepare him for a domestic life, especially one lived with his most treasured person: a woman who captured his heart in many different ways. His inexperience would naturally extend to her. And so for the past few weeks he was somewhat skittish when alone with Enju, but he tried to hide that. And because of that he noticed the new ways in which she acted around him. A lingering touch there, a beckoning gaze there.
“Really. She can be so bold sometimes,” Hanzō muttered to himself, recalling fondly how Enju asked him to spend the night with her and her shy expression, despite also being inexperienced herself. This stirred warm feelings in his heart.
(When did I become so shy?)
He chuckled a little to himself as he considered this, engrossed in the memory. But soon enough a voice rang out across the field.
“Ooooiiii, Hanzō-saaan! Don’t you want to take a break?”
“…!”
The person to whom that cheerful voice belonged to was none other than Hinata, the former comrade of his who for some reason could just not leave him alone.
Hanzō was a retired shinobi, but that does not mean decades of training and experience that honed his instincts would leave him so easily— for that reason he was surprised that he hadn’t noticed Hinata approach him.
“Hinata…? What is it?”
“Like I said, a break. You should take one. Hey, how about you try a nigirimeshi my wife made?”
“No, I already had some of my own.”
Hinata would often approach him to chat and kill time. At first Hanzō was an unwilling participant in this. When he mentioned the matter to Enju, she encouraged him to be friends with Hinata, so he decided there would be no harm in continuing to talk to him. Because of this he ended up growing accustomed to his companionship.
Although recently, a question had been forming in his mind, given their previous status as servants working for Tokugawa. It bothered him somewhat, and today he decided to ask about it.
“Hinata…san.”
“Hm? What is it?”
“Why do you talk to me so often? Is it because you know me?”
Hinata made a troubled expression.
“Haha, why…?” he laughed weakly, surprised but nonetheless making an effort to dismiss the question.
“It’s a fair question. After all, we did not speak to each other about matters unrelated to our missions before coming here.”
As if in resignation, or maybe on purpose, Hinata sighed and began speaking.
“I guess… I wanted to make sure of what I was seeing.”
“Hm? What do you mean?”
“It’s true I didn’t know you very well back then, which was only natural, because you were Ieyasu-sama’s most trusted warrior. But even I can tell that you’ve changed. A lot.”
“…”
(Is he saying that I am more approachable to others now?)
Hanzō wondered about this and stayed silent to let him continue speaking.
“Hanzō-san. I have to admit, I hated you at first. You were always the perfect example of what a shinobi should be like. But even though I was raised that way too, I couldn’t be like that. I wanted to be human.”
(Be human, huh? Is that what I became?)
“And when I saw you here it brought back all those memories. Of course I didn’t say anything, because I wanted to leave the past behind. But I guess now is a good time to let it out, huh?”
“You might… be right.”
He said wistfully. That was all Hanzō could say about that, as considering how he would look to other people hadn’t occurred to him before.
They kept a poignant silence for a while before Hinata spoke up again after doing a quick stretch.
“Well…! I’m glad I got that cleared up.”
Hanzō just nodded with a grunt.
(I suppose this kind of thing is important from time to time.)
“But, I think right now it is important to think of the future,” he said to Hinata. “That is what I am doing.”
“Yep! My thoughts exactly!” He replied, and gave a wide smile. “Because we both have our amazing wives to be with for that, don’t we?"
“Yes…”
“Oh, what would I do without my sweet Tsubaki-chan!”
I would still be with the Tokugawas, where I would one day die by the sword, he thought.
He would never have his heart touched or captured so, as if new life was breathed into him.
Sometimes it was enough to leave him in awe. As if she was always heading somewhere new and different, while he struggled to keep up. It had always been that way, ever since they first met and their worldviews clashed. But she always respected him and his way of life, never thinking he was wrong or wanting him to change, even when her spirit strengthened and she chose her own path.
(Maybe it was inevitable. There was simply no way I couldn’t have ended up loving her.)
Hanzō never thought he would feel so passionately about another person, or relate to someone else in such an intimate way. Things like treating someone as a member of the opposite sex were not a part of his world. But somewhere, something changed, and he wanted to live that life he was never supposed to live and protect it with the one he loved.
(Enju…)
“Uh, hello? Hanzō-saaan?”
“…Hm?”
Hinata narrowed his eyes.
“Hmm— even you get caught up daydreaming about your wife, I can’t believe it!”
“… …”
(Seriously. How do I keep drawing people who like to tease me?)
“Won’t you tell me about Enju-san?”
“Tell you, about her?”
“Pretty please!”
“Well, perhaps I could tell someone about it…”
They chatted for a while, after taking their break and even after finishing their work in the fields for the day.
Soon they parted, each going to their homes where someone would be waiting for them.
As Hanzō headed back, he couldn’t help but note a new kind of contentment in his heart.
Hidden Village, Yachiyo’s residence—
After our midday meal Hanzō-sama left for the fields, and I gathered my sewing supplies and walked to Yachiyo-san’s house.
The village women would often visit each other to chat and take care of each other’s children— I would also do the same. And today, I thought that it was a good time to go see Yachiyo-san and play with Momoko-chan and Haru-chan. In that way I could also help her out.
After Yachiyo-san fed Haru-chan and I played with Momoko-chan for a while, we sat down on the engawa to sew.
“I’m glad that Momoko-chan is feeling better,” I said as I observed the small girl. She was sitting in the grass showing Haru-chan a beetle.
“Yes,” Yachiyo-san said with a nod. “I’m sure it was your medicine that helped a lot. I’m glad I could rely on you~”
“Ah— It’s a common treatment from my village,” I said, trying to be modest. “And you’ve taught me so much, Yachiyo-san, so in return I would be happy to teach you the recipe.”
“Haha— unfortunately for me, my hands are only good at working with fiber and cloth. Trust me, I tried. Almost killed my dear husband!”
She said that with such pride, I was left confused for a while thinking about that statement. But soon she spoke again with a groan.
“Last night was such tough work,” she complained.
Yachiyo-san often needs someone to vent to, and I am usually content just listening. It works for me because it gives me something to listen to as I sew.
“Momoko-chan suddenly got worse around the evening,” Yachiyo-san said as she fiddled with her needle. “Then I figured out it’s because she went out to play without my permission. I used many towels last night to cool her down.”
“Oh wow. She doesn’t look red at all anymore. I wouldn’t have been able to tell that happened at all had you not told me.”
“Right? That surprised me when I checked on her this morning. I was planning to punish her in some way for being so unruly, but she looked so lively and healthy compared to how she was yesterday, I just couldn’t help but let the poor thing go out and play!”
I smiled, nodding my head in agreement as I watched Momoko-chan perform a silly dance in front of Haru-chan in an effort to make him laugh.
(Perhaps we are both too soft.)
She then narrowed her eyes. I could sense that she was studying me as my head hung toward my lap.
“? Is there something on my face, Yachiyo-san?”
“Nope, not at all~”
“Do I look unwell? I hope I didn’t actually catch Momoko-chan’s fever,” I said, pressing my hands against my cheeks and forehead.
“It’s just that, there’s also a red mark just at your collar. Did a bug bite you?”
“Huh? I hope not—“
“Ah, that reminds me,” she said sounding somewhat absentminded. “You make me recall how I felt the morning after something interesting happened,”
“Oh really…? What was the interesting thing?”
“Yes, we-ell,” she said with some inflection.
(Oh no… I think she’s going to say something really bad for me…)
I realized too late that she was getting at something important, and I braced myself as she spoke mischievously.
“It was the time when I first made love with my husband.”
“Eh—”
I stopped my hands and looked down again at my lap, trying to hide my embarrassment.
“You could tell…?”
Yachiyo-san laughed.
“Well, after what we talked about yesterday, it’s natural for me to want to check on the situation, isn’t it?”
”…”
I averted my gaze.
“Maybe I really do have a fever, after all.”
“Sorry, but there’s no fooling me.” The corners of Yachiyo-san’s mouth curled upwards as she spoke. “Especially since that mark there isn’t a bug bite. Am I right?”
“!”
I stared at her, wide eyed and at a loss for words.
(Of course, that’s what she meant— I thought I had it hidden, but the collar must have slipped.)
”So? How was it?”
”’How was it’?! Yachiyo-san, that’s, well…” My face couldn’t get any redder. At that she smiled back at me as if victorious. And so I gave up and decided to just appease her.
“It was… good,” I replied meekly, and quickly added. “Yachiyo-san, you really do have a lot of experience with these things, You’re… truly amazing.”
“Hmm? Are you saying you just realized this now?”
“Well, I just didn’t expect you to say such bold things…”
Yachiyo-san just smirked and looked away to add a few stitches to the kosode she was adjusting.
“I guess I’m just happy for you. You were so shy at first, asking us all about our experience. But now you’re different. And I have to admit, I’m proud of myself too, because it looks like we helped you out a lot.”
“Yes— I don’t think I would have enjoyed it as much if it weren’t for you all.”
Of course, I had a basic knowledge— I wasn’t a child, after all. But there were also many important details I didn’t know about.
“And thanks to your help, I was able to to build the courage to ask Hanzō-sama.”
I said that with a hint of pride. Yachiyo-san’s hands stopped, and she looked back at me in amusement.
“Ohoho—I was joking when I said that you should push him down first. I knew you had it in you, but I didn’t think you’d be that bold. Honestly, I’m impressed.”
“! W-Well, that’s…” I stammered, embarrassed that I said that out loud. Yachiyo-san was right— I found myself acting very differently these recent days.
(I didn’t exactly ‘push him down,’ though.)
(But still— was that a bad thing?)
“Oh, don’t look so concerned, Enju-san! It was just a comment. I’ll tell you something interesting as consolation.”
She cleared her throat.
“When Asano first approached me to spend the night together, it was definitely something. Want to know what he said?”
I nodded. “Um, alright!” I couldn’t help but feel curious.
She then took a deep breath and adjusted her voice to mimic Asano-san’s.
“He said, ‘Yachiyo, dear! P-Please… Please let me make love to you!’ and bowed his head like so…” She illustrated this by gesticulating dramatically. “Ahahaha! Can you believe that?”
“Ha ha!”
I laughed along with her, surprised Asano-san would be the kind of person to do such things.
(That was something I would expect Hinata-san to say.)
“When he put it that way, how could I refuse?” she added.
“Ha ha— You have a point, Yachiyo-san.” I smiled and added, ”Asano-san really is a sweet man.”
“Ah, he’s a good man— in many different ways. Heh!”
I let out a giggle, and soon after the both of us were laughing.
Soon we calmed down, both letting out a small sigh.
“Oh, I can’t believe I told you that! You’re really easy to talk to, you know that?”
“Hehe— really?”
“Yep. It’s as if you were the only person in the world sometimes, when we talk!”
She smiled brightly as usual, and I returned the smile and continued sewing.
I wouldn’t have thought about it very much, but there was something different about her when she said that. Maybe it was hint of vulnerability in her statement. But more than that there was this sense of loneliness I felt coming from her.
(Now that I think about it, perhaps it was always there?)
I decided to say something.
“Yachiyo-san… are you saying, you don’t talk like this not even with Tsubaki-san?”
“Oh no! I could never! She’s way more skittish than you, you know?”
“Is that so?”
(I had the impression that they were rather close, though.)
(Hm, it’s strange. Looking back she doesn’t casually joke around like she does with me even when everyone is together and sharing a bit of sake.)
Moreover, a lot of them are her age, so I thought that Yachiyo-san would share more with them.
A little puzzled by this, I decided to focus my thoughts back to my sewing. After a few moments, I sensed that Yachiyo-san’s hands hadn’t moved, and that she was still and silent. Looking back at her, there was something poignant about her expression as her gaze shifted.
“Yachiyo-san…?”
“You want to know, don’t you?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“…”
She just stayed silent. I did the same, sensing that she was going to talk about a serious matter.
“Back when we still worked as shinobi for our clan, I had a little sister. You’re very sweet and gentle like her. And also like you, she would listen to me talk about anything and everything. She was much more skilled than I was, and would often take on difficult missions.”
Her hands trembled as she spoke.
“But one day, she didn’t come back. Apparently, she had forfeited her life for the sake of her mission. And I realized, I didn’t care about any of that. What I valued most was being able to talk like this with someone I love and care for.”
Yachiyo-san started out into her trees, her head still tilted down.
“That’s why, I couldn’t leave you alone,” she muttered. Tears began forming in her eyes, and soon they streaked down her face.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry—“
“Yachiyo-san.”
I took her hand. She hesitantly looked up at me.
“Thank you. I was so lonely when I first came here— not only was Hanzō-sama away, but I also had to leave my friends, who I grew up with and were like family to me.”
I gave a small smile.
“It’s strange, though. The way you talk with me and teach me, it’s like you’re my big sister. So I would be happy if you considered me like a sister, too.”
“Really? You feel that way?” “That makes me so happy." She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I have… a new sibling.”
“Mm. So let’s keep talking and spending time with each other like this, okay?”
“Y, yes,” she said between sniffles.
I comforted her like that for a while. When she finally cheered up she looked like she had taken a load off of her shoulders, acting and joking as usual. And so we continued talking all afternoon, losing track of time while we watched Momoko-chan and took care of Haru-chan. Soon it was time to leave— there would always be other days to talk like that.
Memories of the times talking with others in Koga flashed through my mind as I headed home.
(I haven’t lost everything. Instead, I’ve gained so many things, with my own hands.)
Hidden Village, Enju and Hanzō’s residence—
It was later in the day and the sun was starting to set, its rays of light dappling the ground outside as they shined through the trees.
While Hanzō-sama was away helping to fix the roof of one of the houses, I was boiling some water in a small pot above the irori to make some tea.
I mulled over what I should prepare with the ingredients I had on hand as I brewed the tea. After a while I began to cook; it didn’t take me very long as the recipe was simple.
And so after quickly finishing my cooking, I returned to my sewing. Even though it takes much time out of my evening, it’s relaxing and it allows my mind to wander. So I thought to myself.
(Today has been going by quickly. Maybe that’s because me and Hanzō-sama have settled into a routine, just like how it was during our time in the wilderness.)
(There was a change in how we relate to each other yesterday— I thought it would be on my mind for a while, but I actually have been feeling calm about everything that has happened.)
(I wonder when we will do it again, though. Would I have to ask Hanzō-sama again?)
I was halfway through my task as I considered this. The shadows of the trees outside had grown longer. Very soon I heard him arrive, and we called out our greetings to each other.
Then I had an idea. I set my things aside and stood up. Before he settled in, I walked up to him and stopped him.
“What is it?” he asked, turning to face me.
“Um, I just… I want to do something.”
My lips quivered before I spoke again.
“—Can I take this off?” I asked softly, gesturing to his clothes.
“…”
He just stood there, looking like he was trying to say something but couldn’t find the right words to do so.
It then occurred to me that maybe I spoke too suggestively.
“Oh! N-No, that’s not what I meant, Hanzō-sama! I don’t want to do that right now— Ah, what am I even saying? I just meant, I wanted to untie your tasuki for you, things like that— is that okay?”
Hanzō-sama then looked away— I thought I saw him blush, but I wasn’t sure.
“I don’t mind,” he said.
I smiled and told him that I would be doing it now, causing Hanzō-sama to nod awkwardly. Then I quickly stepped towards him.
(Ah— before I would get nervous thinking about doing this, but now it feels natural and normal to actually do it.)
When I finished, he seemed to have recovered his usual composure from the misunderstanding.
“Enju… thank you.” He gave a soft smile.
“No, thank you for letting me do this!”
“? You are the one who helped me.”
“But it makes me happy to help you.”
Hanzō-sama sighed and grinned slightly.
“Well, no matter— I like hearing you thank me more than hearing you apologize to me.”
“Oh. I guess that’s true.” My face relaxed in wistful consideration from his remark.
It was true that I occasionally still apologized when I didn’t need to, but it used to be a very bad habit.
(It feels like it all happened a long, long time ago— I was uncertain and inexperienced and lacked confidence in myself, just a novice who was supposed to be celebrating having completed her first mission.)
(There was a lot of trouble though, but it turned out okay in the end because I had Hanzō-sama— it’s thanks to him that I can express my gratitude so much.)
(If I told him that, I wonder if he would say that he didn’t do anything like he used to.)
After that happened, I eagerly served Hanzō-sama the food, and we began eating.
“I’m happy to be able to cook now, and make food for you, and to eat your cooking, but sometimes I miss the both of us being able to relax and have someone else cook, like back at the inn,” I thought aloud.
“Really? It doesn’t matter either way for me.”
“Why is that? Cooking is definitely a lot harder, wouldn’t you say?”
“That is true. I appreciated being able to eat in the town on missions, but that was all,” he said, before adding quietly. “But now… they both bring good memories. Ever since that time.”
“That time?”
At first I was confused as to what he meant, but then I quickly realized.
Remembering the time when rested in the inn, my eyes softened with mixed emotions; it was where I first realized I was in love with Hanzō-sama, but also where I found out about the order he received to kill me. It was a strangely peaceful time for me even though I resolved to fight him in the end. But of course, it wasn’t ideal at all, so I’m glad he could rest here in the village without us being in that situation.
Then I raised an eyebrow. “Come to think of it, how are your wounds now, Hanzō-sama? You don’t seem to be hurting anymore.”
Hanzō-sama nodded. “Yes— I have recovered back at the Tokugawas. My wounds never opened again. All I must do now is make sure I do not strain my body too much.”
My brows furrowed. I was sure he would push himself too far anyway.
“I am still worried though— maybe farming would be too much for you eventually.”
He let out a breath. “No need to be concerned. My labor now is simple and predictable. It’s nothing like the danger of shinobi work.”
“Yes, I guess that’s true…” I trailed off. After some consideration, I added, “And I’m sure you would also feel restless staying inside all day, right?”
Hanzō-sama nodded. “Exactly. Moreover, I would say that I rest better here than with the Tokugawas.”
“You do?”
“Yes… I am with you and I get to eat your food.”
A smile spread on my face.
“I’m glad… And It’s the same for me. I may not have wounds like you do, but I rest a lot better with you here, Hanzō-sama.”
“Is that so.” He smiled.
As I looked at his smiling face I was drawn to an area of exposed skin near his collarbone.
(It looks like I didn’t go too far up after all. There’s a red mark just above his collar.)
“What is it?” He asked quietly.
“O-Oh, n-nothing!”
I took a sip of my tea as if to change the subject without words.
I hadn’t even touched my cup before that— it was now starting to cool down. I was going to take another sip, but then I put my tea down again because there was a serious air about him. Taking a glance at him, I noticed that it seemed like he wanted to say something.
He looked to the ceiling and then back to me.
“…Enju. There is something I want you to know about me.”
“Yes?”
He paused and continued speaking.
“‘Hanzō’” is not my original name. The name I now have has been passed down.”
“Passed down…?”
Hanzō-sama nodded.
“After I left the Tokugawa shinobi, a new Hanzō took my place. Less skilled than Kazaori, but trustworthy, and certain to continue protecting Ieyasu-sama.”
“I see…”
Hanzō Hattori— history’s strongest shinobi.
(Maybe in a way Hanzō will never stop working for Tokugawa-sama, at least in the eyes of those who do not know of his retirement.)
“Then… what is your original name?” I asked.
“It’s Masanari.”
(Masanari— What a fitting name for him—)
As I dwelled on this, an idea came to me.
“Um, should I be calling you ‘Masanari’ instead?”
He shook his head.
“No. ‘Hanzō’ is now my name. I am accustomed to it.” His voice grew a little quiet. “And… when you call me by my name, the one you have always called me by, I am happy. So there is no need to change.”
“Then, I’ll call you by your name as much as you want, Hanzō-sama.” I smiled at him.
“…”
For a moment he looked surprised, but his eyes then softened, and warmth radiated from his expression.
Then he leaned in close. It seemed like he wanted something.
(I can already tell what he wants when he looks at me that way.)
I tilted my head and in response Hanzō-sama leaned in. Closing our eyes, we shared a light kiss. After we did that, we smiled contentedly at each other.
The rest of our time was spent sewing and taking care of small chores around the house. We had already taken our baths— it was time for us to go to sleep soon.
I was finishing up my sewing while Hanzō-sama was finishing doing maintenance on some of our cooking and farming tools. Then I sensed that he stood up.
“Did you finish, Hanzō-sama?” I asked, my head still turned to my lap.
“Yes.”
“All right— I will be done soon.”
He grunted.
“Then I will lay out the futons,” he said.
“Yes,” I nodded as I finished up my work.
(It’s strange— just yesterday I wasn’t very calm around this time, but I don’t feel nervous at all anymore.)
I heard Hanzō-sama start to walk away. Just before he was about to take out the futons, he stopped.
“Enju.”
I turned to face him. He was looking at me now.
“Yes, Hanzō-sama?”
“Are you going to ‘sleep in my futon’ again?”