Kisses: One Good Impact Deserves Another

by gloomy_moods_and_inspiration

Summary:

or: Three Pilots and a Horaki
or: The German, Her Wife, Their Househusband and His Alien.

The world is recovering from the Third Impact. Asuka, Hikari, Shinji and Rei are living together. They aren't always very good at it.

It's not Rei's fault. Except the penguins.

Rated 'M' for depictions of trauma and mild sex. Excessive WAFF does not bump the rating. Nor does the gratuitous hand-holding.

Notes:

• Inspired by Kisses: One Spectacular Failure, One Spectacular Success by gloomy_moods_and_inspiration

This is a spin-off from Kisses: One Spectacular Failure, One Spectacular Success (pre-Impact, underage tag applies).

More drama, angst and NGE level failure to communicate.

Chapter 1: Moving Day

Summary:

2018, Late March

It had been a long day, week, month, year but they were finally moved.

The apartment that had once belonged to Major Katsuragi may have been home, but its limits had resulted in an increasing number of arguments. Even Rei had lost her temper and she was almost as preternaturally calm as Shinji. Shinji and Asuka at each other's throats was as frightening as it was rare.

It had been their home for a long time. The Third Impact had fixed a lot of things, but houses wasn't one of them. The apartment buildings that survived didn't have a tendency to fall down during earthquakes so they were far more popular than the remaining houses. Which meant noisy neighbours on top of cramped quarters. At least no one asked why they were all living together.

There were better places inland. Shinji wouldn't move away from the Sea of Souls. So Asuka wouldn't move. So she wouldn't move.

She could have had a simple life. Married Toji. Had children. Become a teacher.

It would have been pleasant. It had been pleasant. It hadn't been real.

In a way that made sense to Shinji and no one else, she was grateful to the unknown JSSDF soldier who had shot her in the head. She had not lived in a world without Asuka in it. She had not watched Asuka die. Which was unfair of her. She had left Asuka alone as she had promised not to do. Her death had been almost painless. Asuka's had not been. Shinji had told her about it, it wasn't something Asuka ever brought up unless she was screaming at Shinji.

Which is why she was standing in the bathroom doorway, the breeze from the open window cooling her bare skin and marvelling. Asuka was sprawled out on the bed in an exhausted sleep, relaxed, naked, vulnerable.

Alright she was also drooling because her girlfriend was the hottest woman on the planet.

 

---

Hikari woke before Asuka, in much the same position she'd fallen asleep, with her head on Asuka's breast listening to her heartbeat. She had slept well, she almost always did when Asuka stayed with her all night - which was most of the time, she rarely sleepwalked these days and no longer spent half the night pacing - and when she wasn't woken by Rei burrowing under the covers. That still happened sometimes when Shinji got up to make breakfast and Rei hadn't had sufficient cuddles. They were alone, which either meant Shinji was also still asleep or Rei had slept in her own bed.

She was comfortable. She cuddled closer, running her fingers over Asuka's skin, tracing the outline of her breast, her shoulder, the softness of her arms while she was relaxed. Asuka needed her sleep, she shouldn't wake her just because she was horny. Instead she let her mind wander backwards over the day before...

New bed. New futon. Freshly washed sheets. Freshly washed girlfriend.

She had crawled into bed and pulled the covers over them both. For a moment she had leaned on one arm to look at her. Her girlfriend. Her Asuka. Then she had cuddled up where she belonged, her head on Asuka's breast listening to her heartbeat. She had counted three beats before sleep had taken her down into pleasant dreams of strong arms and soft breasts.

Alright, that wasn't helping her urge to wake Asuka.

The beds had been the thing Shinji had insisted on attending to first. Beds. Bedding. Bathrooms. They could unpack everything else later. He'd made bentos for everyone while she'd been packing so they wouldn't need to cook at the end of a long day. She would definitely thank him for the forethought after she got up.

There was a washbasket by the bathroom door where she'd dropped her clothes on the way in and her towel on the way out. She wasn't sure how long she'd stood there staring longingly at her girlfriend. At least it had only been her girlfriend. She blushed into Asuka's skin. She loved Asuka deeply, but that didn't mean she was blind.

The first time she'd moved in with Asuka had been blissful. She hadn't brought much to the small apartment that Asuka had then shared with Shinji and Katsuragi-san. She'd been able to watch Asuka carrying most of it, the bed was barely large enough, she'd been in love. Not that she wasn't still in love. Thinking back, it had been just as much lust and infatuation as love then. Before everything they had gone through together. Before the end of the world. Now she wasn't sure she could love Asuka more than she did.

However it had been a very different thing to move a few things into an existing household versus moving four people and all their things across town. Not that they had a lot, at least it hadn't seemed that way when she had started to pack it. Except Rei had more clothing than the rest of them combined and they had the new bed. By the fourth trip it seemed even more.

It hadn't helped that Toji was the only one of their friends who managed to get free to help. Which was rather awkward, not that she objected to the help, not that she minded it being Toji. She was just organised. Which meant everything was labeled, and she hadn't been paying attention to who she handed the box labeled "Hikari's underwear, Asuka & Hikari's room" to until it was too late. She'd made it worse by trying to cover it up with the next box. Which had been Asuka's. Toji had quietly passed the boxes to Shinji and picked up something else.

Shinji of course wasn't phased at all, he'd seen all her underwear anyway. It had taken a while for her to get used to the idea that him doing all the laundry included her panties. Asuka had pointed out that he washed blood and other things out of hers. That hadn't helped, especially the 'other things'. The places Asuka and Shinji were weirdly comfortable and intimate still bothered her sometimes, but that was them not her. He'd just acquired a second basket for things she wanted to do herself, until she realised half of what she wore was Asuka's anyway.

Apparently she hadn't embarrassed herself enough, though the next time she was actually paying attention.

She'd brought cold drinks out to everyone while they were resting on the balcony between trips. Rei had decided to stay at the house to move the boxes inside and into their appropriate rooms. Which meant she'd opened the door to find herself staring at a shirtless Toji covered in a sheen of sweat leaning back against the railing. She made a mental note to recommend Ken took some modelling shots - he'd done a good job with Tanaka-chan's portfolio, and while the teenage Toji she'd had a crush on was kinda cute, he'd grown into someone who looked way too hot for comfort. She was very taken, on a regular basis, but the view brought back half-remembered memories of a life they never lived.

She'd pulled her eyes away, only to find herself staring at Asuka, who was not topless but may as well have been with the way her t-shirt was clinging to every curve as she stretched out her stiff muscles. At least Shinji was... this wasn't fair. Sure he was dressed, they'd lived together and she'd never seen him in less than shorts and a t-shirt. He'd probably never be anything other than scrawny, but where the hell did those arm muscles come from. And why was the nearest pair of clean underwear kilometers away? 

The memory made her slightly uncomfortable. She didn't actually think of Shinji as anything other than a friend. A weirdly close friend who was in love with the same woman she was. She accepted there were things about him she could never understand. She twisted a strand of Asuka's hair around her fingers. Like how he didn't seem to want the most beautiful woman in the world to hold him down and fuck his brains out. Maybe that was just her libido talking, she'd barely gotten a kiss yesterday.

She kissed the nearest part of Asuka, they'd have to make up for that today.

---

"Thanks for making lunch Hikari. Rei and I will go out for a walk."

It might have been breakfast if he'd woken up. Moving had been exhausting. He was reasonably sure Asuka literally fell into bed. He'd gone not long after making sure Hikari actually reached their bedroom. Rei had still been up unpacking her room when he fell asleep and he hadn't even noticed her crawling into his bed. Her own was fine, he'd made sure everyone had usable clean beds, but he hadn't been that surprised to wake up and find her there. It was another big change, she needed her comfort cuddles.

"I do not require exercise today."

"We are leaving so that Asuka and Hikari can have sex in their new bed without concerning themselves with what we will hear." 

There had only been so much sound proofing he could add and still have them living together. Not doing had not even been a consideration. A serious one anyway. Hikari had not at all casually mentioned that her sister had a spare room. Asuka had just asked if he minded sharing a bathroom with Rei or if she was going to have to build the place herself. Bathroom contention was the thing that finally drove them to move. He'd give up his room entirely if it meant he could shower in peace. With warm water. Thankfully that hadn't been necessary thanks to Asuka.

"They do not have scent glands," Rei observed as if this made sense. Unfortunately for him it did.

Asuka returned from washing the dishes to a silent room and a blushing Hikari.

"What'd I miss this time?"

"Shinji and I are leaving so you may mark your new territory with sexual secretions. How long do you require?"

Shinji laughed at Asuka's expression. She really should be used to this by now. She had always been the more outgoing, outspoken and experienced. Now he was the one who was the hardest to embarrass. At least when it came to Rei anyway.

"We'll go up to the lake and do the shopping on the way back. So we'll be home in time for me to make dinner."

He ignored the flicker that crossed Asuka's eyes, he probably shouldn't have mentioned the lake but it was a good walk and Asuka would know how long they would take on foot.

He also ignored the squeal as Asuka picked Hikari up out of her chair and carried her towards their room. Well, not so much ignored as took a moment to bask in their happiness. There was an "eep!" as Asuka adjusted her hold and turned to carry Hikari sideways through the door. The thud was Asuka pushing the door firmly shut and not Hikari's head hitting the doorframe.

Which meant he was the only one to hear Rei's question as they left the house.

"Is the sign on my door sufficient or will I be required to masturbate?"

It was going to be a long walk.

Notes:

I couldn't get some of the wording quite how I wanted it, but there's a bit more of the world and relationship building here.
Feedback welcome.

Especially if someone has a better title.

Chapter 2: Neighbours

Summary:

2018, April

Hikari had barely placed one foot on the porch when she found herself pinned against the wall beside the front door, her feet barely touching the floor, her wrists pinned together over her head and Asuka's lips on hers.

She hadn't actually seen Asuka standing there, and her eyes were closed in pleasure, but even if she didn't recognise her girlfriend from kisses alone, no one else would have dared.

The applause from the other side of the fence marking the boundary between the gardens annoyed Asuka enough for her to stop. 

Which is when she realises that Hikari's legs are wrapped around her back, one of Hikari's arms is around her neck and the other around her shoulder with the hand holding her head. Completely unnecessarily Asuka's hands are underneath Hikari's arse, holding her as if she needed the support.

"I was just seeing who won the lottery," Hikari squeaked as she tried to get her breath back.

Theirs was the anchor house, the first in the street to be claimed and made habitable. Mostly habitable. A lot more so than the apartment with all of them in it. The women repairing the one next door had decided on a lottery to decide which of them got to have it. The one beyond it was almost ready. Which meant the stream of muscular well endowed women borrowing their bathroom and eating Hikari's cooking had dropped off to an almost bearable level.

"Asuka, can you tone down the jealousy a bit? Just because we're going to be surrounded by beautiful women, doesn't mean I want any of them. Not that I mind you kissing me like this. Please do that part as often as you like."

"You were drooling."

"I was not!" Hikari plays with Asuka's hair where the hand around her neck can reach it. "Alright, maybe a little. I'm not blind."

She kisses Asuka's neck, making eye contact with the neighbours over her shoulder. She wasn't above being visibly possessive either.

"Shinji won't be home until dinner. Rei is building the garden the next house over. You have an hour to help me change my panties."

Asuka pulls back enough to look at her.

"Don't look at me like that. Four years and I still get wet when you kiss me. Now are our new neighbours going to see far more of you than I want them to, or are you going to take me inside and make good use of me?"

"Of the time! Time!" Hikari corrects herself as Asuka carries her through the door laughing.

---

Hikari isn't going anywhere even if she wanted to. Not that she does, because Asuka is curled up with her head on her chest with a very satisfied look on her face and obviously wasn't going to move for anything other than an emergency or dinner. Possibly not the emergency.

"Kari?" mumbled Asuka.

"Yes?"

"What exactly did you mean by 'surrounded by beautiful women'?"

"You mean other than the hot lesbians next door?"

Hikari sounded innocent, but she was also twisting Asuka's hair around her hand and holding her in place. 

They sometimes got inappropriate questions about which one of them was the man in the relationship. Rei was no longer allowed to answer that question. Shinji had argued that it had to be Hikari, not because Hikari could still be Class Representative Horaki when she wanted, but because she helped with the laundry. Which must be a man's job as he, the only actual man in the household, did almost all of it. He almost managed to sound serious. Toji had insisted it was obviously Asuka given her personality. Kodama had very wisely said nothing. The obvious answer was that they were both women. Women with a relationship which was incredibly complex in some ways and incredibly simple in others. Gender roles were not something anyone in the house cared about.

"Tanaka and Aihara are getting the place on the other side of us once it's finished. Shinji will be happy."

Asuka tries to raise her head and fails.

"What? Tanaka-chan manages to be a model on top of everything else. Shinji likes her."

"You're prettier."

"You're biased but I love you. And not that kind of like, at least as far as I know. He's never said anything and those two have been together even longer than we have, if either of them like boys I've never seen it."

Hikari kisses Asuka softly, "So don't worry, she's not going to steal our house-husband."

"Hmph," is all Asuka says for a while.

Chapter 3: Sex and Scenarios

Summary:

2018, July

Asuka traps Hikari in an intimate moment and attempts to derail her plans for their best friend.

Notes:

This is an updated version of what was originally posted to Kisses: One Spectacular Failure, One Spectacular Success and takes place some time after they move to the new house but before any weddings take place.

Asuka had Hikari trapped and unable to avoid the question any more.

Admittedly Hikari was trapped because her fingers were deep inside Asuka doing some very enjoyable things. Trapped by Asuka's thighs locking her hand in place. There were few places Hikari would rather be. Especially as this position meant her lips were within kissing range of Asuka's nipples.

"Hikari?"

"If you want me to eat you you'll have to let my hand go first. Not that I'm complaining," she added the last quickly. She didn't complain often. Not if she needed to walk anywhere in less than four or five hours. Asuka's 'apologies' were exhausting. It was her turn to make dinner. She couldn't let Shinji do it again just because she was too busy getting loved into submission. Especially as she made Asuka work for every step of the way.

"No. Keep doing what you're," there's a short pause while Asuka squirms a little under her gentle ministrations, "doing."

"What is it?" 

It sounded like Asuka wanted to talk, which obviously they did at times when they weren't having sex. But Asuka seemed more able to discuss some things while Hikari was actively demonstrating how much she was loved. Though usually only after the first couple of orgasms. After she'd finally convinced Asuka that she really wasn't going anywhere, that she was allowed to make requests, that she still wanted to make love even after some of the darker pieces of Asuka's soul were laid bare. Or of Asuka's digestive system, though she had required the windows be opened after Asuka ate something that resulted in worse smells than Misato's cooking. She still kissed her girlfriend goodnight, even then.

"Why do you keep trying to get Shinji to fuck your sister?"

Hikari nibbled on the side of Asuka's breast, the distraction wouldn't work, she just wanted to.

"I don't. I just suggested dinner. She doesn't eat properly."

And she didn't want them to just fuck, though ancestors knew they both needed it as far as she was concerned. Not their direct ancestors of course, even if she had discussed her own sex life with her mother - in a very one sided conversation that had helped despite only one of them having come back from the dead. Shinji didn't even have a shrine for his and she was almost certain that the last time he'd gone to her empty grave was the day she'd asked Asuka out. No, she hadn't instructed Asuka to plan a date until the next day, that was the day she'd first eaten Asuka out. Which her sister definitely needed, she hadn't had a girlfriend since the end of the world either.

"Dinner. Inviting her over for movie night. Buying a box of condoms for the only guy on the street? If I was feeling insecure I'd have thought you were the one trying to seduce him."

Hikari tries to pull her hand free so she can move far enough to kiss Asuka. It doesn't work. That's so hot. As if she needed her girlfriend to turn her on any more. She settles on wrapping her tongue around Asuka's nipple. Which is not a hardship in any way beyond not being Asuka's lips. Either set.

"I love you, you know that." Asuka might not be insecure often anymore, but it never hurt to remind her.

"So does he."

Hikari sighs and nuzzles Asuka. Asuka was hers. Neither of them were sharing. They weren't made that way. Sometimes she wished they were. It would have made things simpler. But she wasn't giving up Asuka, even to Shinji. She wasn't going to seduce her best friend either, even if she couldn't get her sister to do so, that level of completely fucking things up was beyond her.

"Onee-chan would be good for him. She understands enough, she was there for some of it. I know it's not the same as you or Rei, but he needs someone who would love him romantically, sexually. Not whatever it is with Rei."

She knew he had wet dreams, she'd done her share of the laundry over his protests. Not that he was embarrassed, though he probably was, but because he needed to be doing things to feel useful. She'd padded out in the middle of the night for a glass of water on more than one occasion and picked up Rei's nightgown from in front of his door. They definitely weren't having sex, she wasn't sure if Rei even had a sex drive, she'd certainly seen no sign of it, but sleeping naked together wasn't exactly normal sibling behaviour, which was how they appeared to most of the world. 

She could always just ask Rei of course, but the most likely outcome of doing that was hours of discussion about what qualified as a sexual relationship and nothing that actually qualified as an answer. The next was a uncomfortably detailed description of their actual relationship, possibly with diagrams of the ways they were physically intimate. She'd decided she didn't need to know as long as they were happy with whatever it was. Anyway, she definitely did not need diagrams, there were only so many ways you could cuddle someone even for someone as flexible as Rei.

Asuka opened her legs far enough to pull Hikari's hand out of her pussy and licked her fingers.

"He doesn't," she stated once her girlfriend's fingers were clean.

"Of course he does."

"I love you, but you can't understand."

Hikari rolls onto Asuka, pressing her into the bed, pulling out her command tone to grumble, "I can't if neither of you talk to me about it."

"He doesn't love easily. When he does it's unshakable. What he needs is family. That's what he never had. That's what we give him. You. Me. Rei. People he can love safely. People who can't leave him. People who will let him be there for them."

Asuka wraps her legs around Hikari's, holding her in place possessively.

"What aren't you telling me Asuka?"

"A lot. Hold me?"

Hikari wrapped her arms around her and kissed the side of her neck lightly, a gesture of affection and a reminder that she loved her whatever else happened.

"He loves me more than I could love anyone," Hikari tenses in her arms but stays silent, "I'm selfish. You are mine and I couldn't let anyone else have you. He. He took one look at us together and was just baka-Shinji. Full support and the only question he asked was if I kissed you properly. I'd have ripped your throat out."

Asuka is running her hands through Hikari's hair, but it's as much to sooth herself as it is even an acknowledgement that Hikari might need comforting. It was far more complicated than fit into words, but she needed to tell the next part. There were things she knew without ever having been told. Complex things she knew the shape of but would need another degree to come close to having the words for. The basic facts she could give Hikari. It was one of the things he had said out loud, that she shouldn't keep secrets from Hikari even if they were his. His were often easier than her own, at least when that wasn't the same thing.

"He's loved two other people. One. One held the trigger down on a nuclear explosion to save my life." Shinji would have died in their place if anyone had let him. She was selfishly glad he had not. He couldn't come back from the dead all weird, weirder, or at all. 

"The other he killed himself. Squeezed the life out of him until there was nothing but blood and brain splatters. It saved a lot of lives. Including yours. People told him he did a good thing."

Hikari is finding it hard to breathe with how tightly Asuka is holding her. She'd asked. She'd wanted to know. She'd had no idea.

"I used to call him a coward. Taunt him for running away."

There's a long silence wrapped in Asuka's guilt.

"The other day, when we were cuddling on the couch after the movie, I looked up and he was smiling. A content happy smile. Because you love me and that makes me happy."

"I do," murmured Hikari, uncertain of what to say but absolutely certain of how she felt.

"So no more trying to set him up on dates unless he actually asks you to."

Hikari nods into Asuka's shoulder. Asuka's tone made it sound like she doubted that would ever happen. Hikari was less certain, something had happened between Shinji and her sister and neither of them would tell her what. She was fairly certain he'd noticed he had beautiful girls as neighbours as well. But she tried to imagine Asuka dying to save her life, or worse having to kill Asuka. The first terrified her, the second was an incomprehensible horror. 

"Love me?" she whispered. Hikari didn't want to sound desperate. She did anyway.

"You know I do."

"Show me?"

---

Shinji smiled as he chopped vegetables for dinner.

It was probably an unusual thing to listen to the person you were in love with screaming orgasmic 'I love you's to someone else and be ... well, happy wasn't quite the right word. Pleased? Content? Alive? Asuka was definitely alive, dead people weren't usually that loud.

Hikari, on the other hand, owed him at least a week's worth of dinners at this point.

Chapter 4: Running and Other Forms of Avoidance

Summary:

2018, Summer

This takes place somewhere in the first year after moving. Probably some time around Sex and Scenarios.

"Morning, Red"

"Stooge," Asuka acknowledged, picking up the pace.

"Still can't come up with anything better?"

"For you? Not worth the effort."

"I'm hurt! I thought you loved me."

Toji slacked off a little to let Asuka pull as far ahead as she needed.

---

He came up next to where she was sitting staring on a rock staring at the mountains. Her clothing was almost painted on with the sweat and even he had to admit she looked attractive like this. Kari could keep her of course, he wasn't going to stick his tongue in crazy - normal girls were bad enough.

He handed her her water bottle from his pack. Technically it wasn't hers, but he'd filled one and put the red cap on it before leaving the house early. He'd still been at least five miles too late.

"Which one?"

Asuka ignored him in favour of half the bottle of water.

"Weirdly enough, yours."

"Ya break something?"

Asuka shook her head, her braid bouncing off her shoulder, "Just my pride and my sleep."

"Hey, you're only supposed to suffer ignominious defeat to me! And only at kendo, running, basketball, jujitsu, and"

Asuka sticks her tongue out at him, "You wish!"

"Hey. Let me finish! I was going to add flower 'ranging."

Asuka snorts, "What's her name?"

"You know you're the only gal for me."

He grabs her arm to stop her falling off the rock laughing.

"I might have let you win the flower arranging if you managed to date someone for more than six months, or even two."

Toji put his hand on his heart dramatically, "I'm hurt."

"Totally heartbroken, I can see."

Toji sits on the rock next to her, "'gonna let sis pick the next one."

"That bad, huh?"

There's a companionable silence while they both empty their water bottles.

"You want me to?"

"I 'ain't kissing you!"

They stared at each other.

Asuka breaks first, "I'm not going to even ask what you were thinking about. Don't worry, we'll find you someone who actually does want to kiss you, and not throw up afterwards."

"Hey!"

"What? Don't tell me she did?"

Toji shakes his head, "No, but I know someone that happened to. At least I've been luckier than that."

Asuka smiles, "You should have asked Hikari when you had the chance."

Toji shakes his head, "Then she wouldn't have you, and that'd be a lot worse. Even Shinji thinks you're better off together."

Asuka sighs, melodramatically enough even Toji would notice, "Did everyone know except me?"

"Yup."

He stood back up, stretching, "Ya need another lap or do you want to run over to my place?"

Asuka stared up at him. 

"Sis is on breakfast duty this week an' you could bury any last shred of my self esteem, and chance of finding a girl, together."

She holds out her hand for him to help her up.

"Zoomi's been banned from the house until after school."

Asuka smiles. Shinji is going to laugh himself silly when he finds out about this, but she's saving it for some time he needs it. Which would probably be sooner than anyone wanted if she was still managing to hide her strangely comfortable friendship with Toji from him. Hikari would probably make a joke about 'Pilot Training' and check her for damage when she got home, her own girlfriend was remarkably understanding of her needs, as long as she got a different kind of tongue-lashing. But she'd ask questions, and Toji wouldn't do that. He already knew the answers.

"You talked me into it."

"Good, now do try to keep up."

Asuka shook her head and let him have his head start. They both knew better.

 

---

"Good Afternoon Asuka. Are you hungry? You missed second breakfast."

"And first," complained Hikari slipping her arms around her from behind.

"Hey, I'm all sweaty."

Hikari kissed her nape beside the damp braid, then lapped at a trickle of sweat as if she were salt starved, "Oh dear, what am I supposed to do? Asuka is hot, her muscles are all slippery with sweat, her shirt is clinging to her exquisite form. Eeep!"

"I will put your lunch in the fridge," announced Rei to the closing door.

Chapter 5: Breakfast Out of Bed

Summary:

2019, January

Hikari and Asuka are up late, but they still have the kitchen to themselves.

"You're making First and Second Breakfast?" Asuka asked with a smile and a shocked tone as she slipped her arms around her fiancée. 

"Hey! I make breakfast more often than you do, and I owe Shinji a year's worth by now because someone doesn't want me to get up in the mornings. Neither of them are again yet, so can you wake them?"

Asuka didn't move, "Again?"

"I heard Shinji up in the middle of the night when I got up because someone had their knee on my bladder."

"You can tell?"

"Of course. I can distinguish my friend from my fian, fina... girlfriend ... braut! sneaking around trying not to wake anyone, and if I can hear Rei she's slamming doors loud enough only you can sleep through it."

"Slamming... since we moved then, and you should wake me when it happens, Shinji shouldn't be the only one looking after her."

"What and have you know that your girl curls up with your best friend's wife on the couch in the middle of the night?"

"Wife today is it?"

Hikari frees her arm and stirs breakfast before it burns to the pan, "You think he only rates 'concubine' because they don't have a piece of paper?"

"I thought you wanted him to marry your sister not his own, or have you finally given up on that?" Asuka teased.

"Dama yelled at me, that I shouldn't be bothering him with such foolish ideas."

Asuka kisses her shoulder, " "The lady douth protest". She's also right."

"No kisses while I'm cooking! You had your chance earlier and I'm not wasting food because you're still amorous."

Asuka kisses the back of her neck, nuzzling between her braids, "You sated me completely or I'd have been able to move to help with breakfast, but it sounds like I didn't do as good a job".

"You'll make it up to me later I'm sure."

Asuka took the spatula out of Hikari's hand and turned her around.

"Hey. I'm just not ready to tell him yet. It's not as if I'm hiding how much I love you. I haven't changed my mind in five years, I'm not going to in the next one. Because if the stupid law doesn't pass, we're going to do something as close as we can get. We can invite the whole street, Rei can officiate, anything you like, but I am not waiting until after your sister finds someone to marry. Especially if that someone's Shinji. If she did decide she liked him the way that comes with kisses, he probably wouldn't notice if she sat in his lap naked and stuck her tongue down his throat."

Hikari smiles, "This coming from the woman who didn't believe me until after..."

She stopped there because Asuka's kiss coincided with the faint smell of something carbonising that shouldn't have been. Reluctantly she pulled away, picked the spatula out of her not-soon-enough to be wife's hand and turned in her arms.

"Go set the table while I rescue breakfast."

"Hai, mein liebling," Asuka responded without moving more than the few centimetres required to kiss her ear.

 

Notes:

HikaSuka in my HikaSuk fic, what a surprise!

I'll put this one in date order once the notifications have gone out, but those who've read these in publication order know it's quite some time before Asuka gets around to telling Shinji anything.

Hikari is struggling with pronunciation of the English mangling of the French word, but has no problem finding a German one that coincidentally sounds remarkably like a different English word.

Chapter 6: Weddings and Other Problems

Summary:

2019, September

Shinji tries to get a day to himself, it doesn't go as planned.

"Morning Girlfriend!"

Shinji sighed.

The girls had all gone off in different directions and he'd been looking forward to a quiet day by himself with nothing but a few household chores to distract him.

Then he'd gone into the girls' room to pick up the laundry. The sun had been streaming through the window. The pillows were on the bed. The bedding was neatly folded down. Which meant this morning's giggles and squeals had been his housemates having sex not a pillow fight. It wasn't always obvious, sometimes they were so childish.

Then he'd decided that as it was a nice day and if Hikari was letting the bed air out, he may as well take the futons outside to air out properly. His own would have been no problem. Theirs was much easier with two people to manoeuvre it.

He'd forgotten about the neighbours.

They were all girls. Several of whom he found attractive. All of whom were gay. He didn't know for certain of course, it wasn't the sort of thing you asked, but he was fairly sure they were the only four people on the street who weren't lesbians. Himself, for obvious reasons. Asuka, who was bisexual even if she was dating a girl and made sure everyone knew about both of those facts. Hikari had liked at least one boy, though she was rather single minded about Asuka and didn't care to object to any irrelevant misunderstandings.  And Rei, who was Rei. There was probably some technical term for whatever Rei was. She didn't come with a manual. Which was probably a good thing, it would probably have weighed more than the mattress stuck in the doorway. Possibly the house.

He leaned against the doorframe.

"Are you going to help or just stand there looking pretty?"

"Just pretty?"

"Bite me. You would look beautiful covered in blood and mud and you know it," so did he, she had stank like everyone else, but even the end of the world hadn't stopped her being beautiful. She'd probably even turned into a puddle that reflected rainbows.

He closed his eyes. It was going to be one of those days.

Which is why he didn't notice her move until a pair of arms wrapped around him gently, a pair of well proportioned breasts pressed into his back and a pair of teeth bit into his neck.

"Hey! What'd you do that for?"

"You asked?" she batted her eyelashes at him. The natural ones did look better in his opinion, for what little that was worth. He'd scavenged enough makeup over the years, once he understood it could be as important as anything else in helping some women cope with the world. Asuka never wore any but some of his friends did. Pants, t-shirt, no makeup, no bra, she hadn't been planning on going out into the world today any more than he had.

She studied his face for a while, "Now you at least look as if you're closer to getting some pussy than the scent of your roommates' mattress. But that's not what's bothering you is it?"

"No." 

Sometimes it bothered him that of the few girls he was actually attracted to, all of them were unavailable for very obvious reasons. He hadn't found any boys attractive after the one he'd killed. Not that he'd looked very hard, the relationships he had were difficult and sufficient enough. Even the ones that literally bit him.

"I'll help with the futon if you tell me. You're supposed to share your problems with your friends you know."

"I can manage."

"Quit that or I'll bite you again. Now is this a hug or a tea conversation?"

"Tea. Though the hug was nice."

She wrapped her arms back around him for a moment, "Mattress first then. You'll have to make tea, my girlfriend's still asleep."

Shinji smiled, she sounded so proud and she still blushed even though they'd been together since before he'd met them and living together since he'd found them. At least it had been him and he'd been able to respond to said girlfriend's panicked expression with an immediate "She's fine." It hadn't even been that much of a lie, there was very little that managed to diminish his friend's cheerfulness.

---

She put her mug down, "So?"

"I got asked to take photographs for a wedding."

"Huh? Why you? Isn't that, like, Aida's whole gig these days? Nothing against you, but he's good enough there's bidding wars."

"It's his wedding."

She was thankful she was done drinking, or Shinji would have been wearing her tea.

"How the hell did the geek manage to be the first to get married?"

"The same-sex marriage law won't be final until next year?"

She laughs, "I mean how did he find a girl?"

"She found him. Tracked him down from one of the survivors notices. Camped out on his doorstep until he talked to her. Literally. Tent, campfire, the works. He finally gave in when she built herself a solar shower angled so he could see her bathe."

"Was it the naked girl or the fact that she could build the shower?"

Shinji laughs, "The shower I think. He at least knew how that worked. The girl took a while longer. They are a good match though."

"So what's the problem? You've taken some good photographs." Of herself. For her girlfriend. Nothing she minded Shinji seeing of course. She'd been wearing less than she'd ever allow in one of her professional shoots though.

"If I messed yours up I could have come back the next day. I can't do that with a wedding."

"Doesn't he have an assistant?"

"You mean the one he's marrying?"

"Oh.

"That's not the only thing is it?"

"Asuka hasn't asked Hikari."

"Still? Oh, she's going to be unhappy that Aida of all people beat her to it."

"She's not ready yet. There's still some things she needs to work out." He didn't mention that she was sleepwalking again, or what she did when she sleepwalked, that was not something he'd shared, sometimes not even with Asuka herself. Their friends had seen enough to know there were things they were better off not knowing. Especially when it came to the ex-Pilots. He looked up at his friend, the look in his eyes was more than enough to communicate that this was one of them.

"So less concerned about her being unhappy than worried she'll do something Asuka-level rash?"

"Yeah."

"You worry too much, what's the worst that could happen? It's Asuka, she's not going to run away from her problems."

"ChiChi, she's literally run away from a problem so fast that she died on me. She has Hikari because she ran away rather than talk to me after one small mistake. So in my experience, 'the worst that could happen' has a scale that goes up from 'I have to buy new bedding' through 'unexpectedly comes home with a girlfriend', hopefully skips past ‘my girlfriend exploded herself with a nuclear bomb’, all the way up to 'the end of the world'."

"If she's running away from Hikari, wouldn't that be 'comes home with a boyfriend'?"

"That would be even worse. I can fix 'the end of the world'."

She looks at him, the boy who had ended the world and the man who was doing his best to help rebuild what he had also salvaged from what was left. What could possibly be worse than going through that again? Oh. 

"Well, obviously you need to talk to Hikari before Asuka finds out. And we do have a spare room if you need to escape for a bit." Technically it was Megumi's room. It would need airing out before they had an actual guest, she wasn't sure the last time either of them had even opened the door.

Shinji smiles wearily, "Thanks. I can't run away. I might come over for dinner some time though. When Umi's home, unless you want those rumours this time."

She laughs, "Oh, that won't stop them. 'Pussy Plaza Playboy, Famous Model, Fiancée in Illicit Ménage à Trois'"

Shinji groaned, "That's not even as bad as some of the ones I've heard. There were some unpleasant and creative rumours when Hikari moved in. Don't let Asuka hear you mangling languages like that though, she'll get ideas."

Chihiro smiles deviously, "No Umi San'ningumi then?"

Shinji snorts, "Which of you would kill me first if I even considered agreeing to that? Wait! Fiancée?"

"According to rumours. The 'we're just roommates' thing hasn't worked for a while. Moving here was practically a public declaration. Professionally, it's better if it stays just a rumour. Personally, I want to be first in line when that law passes. Though we've another couple of women moving in next door, so that might be a fight."

---

Chihiro came back with tea and placed a cup in front of Shinji. She knew where the tea was and she left everything as carefully clean and organised as she found it.

"You should go to the dress fitting"

"Uh."

"Not like that, pervert! I'm not suggesting you take pictures of her getting dressed, unless she asks of course." She grinned, some of the pictures for Megumi had involved putting clothing back on.

"Just who's the pervert here?"

"Seriously, there's two reasons. You can work out what angles are best, even with a professional half the shoot is working out the right angles to make me look good. So it's practice, get you comfortable around someone you don't know well, and you'll probably be throwing them away anyway so it doesn't matter if you mess up. "

"That makes sense. What's the other one."

"To see the dress of course."

"Um. I don't think it's going to be one of those fancy European ones."

Chihiro shakes her head, "Boys!"

"Last time I checked."

She laughs, "They haven't just filed the paperwork and run off to the mountains, so that means at least close friends and family. So there's no way he's not inviting his childhood friend and her girl. You'll be taking Rei of course. Which means you have to know what the bride is wearing so you lot don't upstage her. It's going to be hard enough without them wearing something stunning as well."

"Oh." He sipped his tea thoughtfully, "What did you mean about taking Rei?"

"As your date of course, unless you have someone else in mind." the tone is casual, the mind behind it is far from as innocent as she's trying to sound.

"I'm not dating Rei." Surprisingly that's actually the easy part.

"I don't know how you two are related, and I doubt you're going to tell me now, but there's no way you're actually the siblings you let people assume."

"We're not..." he pauses. There's a lot of things they are not and many things they are, some of which overlap, many of which are inexplicable even if he wanted to try. Of the people who might possibly do a better job, one of them thinks cuddles are the answer to almost everything, the other is buried under kilometers of rock and hopefully will stay that way.

"Not what?"

"It's complicated."

"What isn't? You're living with three attractive women, one of whom you're in love with, one of whom has your eyes, and one who terrified an entire class into submission. And I used to think my life was complicated!"

"She didn't scare me."

Chihiro laughs, "That's the one you're going to object to?"

"Hikari's cute," then he rapidly adds before it can be misinterpreted, "in an annoying little sister way."

"How would you know? You never had a... " she trails off before she says something even more insensitive. Nozomi was almost the same age they had been when everything ended. On days he wasn't hiding behind housework, Shinji had anything up to a dozen kids of various ages he was trying to find the families of, not to mention all the ones he already had. Then there was Rei who may or may not be his sibling and may or may not be younger than him, and may possibly be god, because who knew with Rei. Other than Shinji and there were some things you just didn't ask.

Shinji smiles an unspoken acceptance, he's made far worse conversational blunders.

"Kodama showed me baby pictures one time when they were out on a date and we were left making sure Nozomi didn't think we were keeping her out of trouble. It was hard to take the Horaki the Tyrant seriously after I'd seen her wearing nothing but birthday cake."

He takes a long sip of tea, "And she is younger than me, even if we all grew up faster than we should have."

Of all the things she liked about Shinji, the random conversational landmines were not one of them. She was older than he was but sometimes he seemed older than her parents, not that she knew or cared if her father had come back.

"So, what's this mystery geek siren like?"

Shinji laughs, "Hotter than Misato-chan."

"He gets away with that?"

"Since he stopped hitting on her every time he saw her they actually get along fairly well. Living through an apocalypse gave him a bit of perspective. Anyway, apparently they met at some sort of school photography competition, but Ken completely failed to notice her hitting on him despite her not running away when he started geeking at her."

Chihiro laughs, "And how long did it take for you to notice Megumi trying to ask you out for me?"

"No comment. Anyway, she was interested enough she looked him up and gave it another go. Spent a year following him around as his assistant to make sure she knew she was getting what she wanted and proposed during a camping trip."

"Determined girl then."

"So I'm expecting someone with purple hair, some sort of uniform and bigger boobs than you." There's a teasing note to his voice. 

"Hey! Even if they aren't quite as perky as miss perfect, at least mine don't need padding! Anyway Megumi likes my boobs, and so do you my hormonal friend. Maybe I should lend you Megumi after all, she's more your size. Rei won't get jealous."

Shinji snorts, "Rei still doesn't understand jealousy after watching someone hit on Hikari. You on the other hand would make me more than just an honorary girl."

"True. But there must be someone who likes you, other than the horde of twelve year olds who call you oniichan, and you're not quite as oblivious as Aida. So why no girl, or boy, in your life? Other than obvious redhaired reason. It's not as if you aren't attractive, or so I'm told."

Shinji sighs, "Not you too. I like my life as it is. It's complicated enough without adding anyone else."

"So find someone uncomplicated."

"It gets complicated as soon as they know who I am. Even before they meet my family, who will always come first. So even if this mythical person showed up it wouldn't be fair to them."

"It doesn't have to be fair, just open about what they're getting. If Aida can find someone, despite his utter geekiness, so can you."

Chihiro leans over and kisses his cheek, "Megumi should be awake. Call me when you want to move the futon back in."

Shinji nods, "Alright."

He watched her go. She was a good friend but she was wrong. 

He got up and washed the tea cups, putting them to drain for later. His thoughts might not always be pleasant company, but there was enough to do when he needed to stop thinking and at least when he was alone the thoughts were his own. Sometimes it was better not to be asked what he was thinking.

 

---

Shinji sat in the garden watching the plants grow and sipping cold lemonade. Not literally of course, even Rei didn't cause things to grow fast enough he could actually see them doing it. He hadn't asked where Rei managed to find lemons, just agreed to help her clear the plot across the road of debris so she could plant an orchard.

His quiet day at home had been quiet enough, even with his neighbours insisting on helping.

Megumi hadn't helped with the futons, but she had been highly entertained by the door signs.

"Hikari and Asuka's Den of Iniquity? I think the hearts and flowers somewhat ruin the effect there."

"Every time Asuka changes what it says, Hikari decorates it and Rei grumbles about them using all her paint."

"Rei's Territory?"

"I'll put her bed back together, she's a bit protective of her space and anything that goes in there becomes hers."

Chihiro had propped the futon against the wall next to the door and given him a questioning look. He hadn't explained.

"Rei's Annex?"

"That's my room. Asuka's sign making again. After the big storm, Rei insisted on sleeping in my room for almost a month."

"That explains the little thundercloud then. Good to see she has her Oniichan for when she's scared." Megumi had smiled at him. He hadn't explained that the thundercloud had been for his mood, or that Rei hadn't moved her futon, or had started most of those nights in with Asuka until she and Hikari got her to sleep, before marking his door with her nightdress.

They had hugged him before they returned home. Chihiro wrapped around him from behind the way she'd greeted him this morning, with her chin on his shoulder. Megumi glommed to his front, bonking the underside of his chin with the top of her head until he put his arms around her. They'd stolen some lemonade and walked the few steps home hand in hand, leaving him to finish up.

The glass was long empty and the plants hadn't grown at all when Asuka came home, grabbed his hand and abruptly pulled him to his feet. A moment later she was hugging him close. 

"Are you alright?"

"Asuka, it's been what, five hours? I'm fine." He sighed melodramatically, "I can live without you for that long you know."

She pulled back to glare at him. He kissed her nose.

"Eww. What'd you do that for?" She scrubbed at her nose with the palm of her hand.

She resumed glaring at him, "Six and a half, and Rei is out all day too."

"I'm fine. Besides, I didn't even get the whole day to myself like I wanted. Chihiro saw me dragging the futons out to air and invited herself over for tea."

"So you did something other than making the house even cleaner than it already was? Good."

"What's going on Asuka?"

She wraps herself back around him and mumbles into his shoulder, "I love you."

He blinks, "Did something happen with Hikari?"

"What? No. Everything's fine. Really. I love her even more than you. Just. I hadn't told you recently. And that was the longest I've been away since we moved. And I started worrying. What if you forgot? What if something happened and the last thing I ever said to you was 'put tomatoes on the shopping list'? What if..."

He hugged her tightly and stroked her hair, "Asuka. It's fine. I'm fine. You're fine. Rei will have found tomatoes. I love you too."

He was still holding her five minutes later when Hikari returned home, "Hi Hikari, could you start dinner? Your girlfriend's turned into a limpet. Assuming I can pry her off, can I talk to you later? Chihiro suggested I discuss something with you."

Hikari looked at them, "Yes, I see that, yes and can you breathe?"

"Thanks and we're fine. It's just a 'what if you died and the last thing I said was tomatoes' panic."

"Meanie."

"See, she's complaining at me, she's fine."

"Hmph."

Hikari kisses Asuka's forehead where it's exposed above Shinji's shoulder, "I'll see you in a bit dearest."

---

Hikari handed him a glass of the last of the lemonade and sat down on the porch next to him.

"So, what did you want to talk about that Asuka's not supposed to hear?"

"Kensuke's getting married."

"What? Did we get invites? When is it? I don't have anything to wear to someone else's wedding."

"Who's wedding do you have something for?" Shinji asked in confusion.

"My own, obviously."

"What?!"

Hikari looks at him, then at the closed door to the house, then back at him, "Ancestors! You two are unbelievable."

"Wait, she asked you already?"

"Shinji, do I look like I'm that patient? If I left it up to her it'd be another decade before she got around to realising. No, I asked her the moment the law was proposed. She was supposed to tell you."

"Are you moving out afterwards?"

"What? Of course not. Oh. Right. It's Asuka. She's worried you'd take it badly."

Shinji laughs, "Did she at least kiss you properly?"

Hikari blushes, "Amongst other things, yes." She leans her head on his shoulder so he can't see her face, "Oh, and she calls you an idiot."

Shinji puts an arm around her shoulders, "But we love her anyway. I'd suggest waiting until at least a month after it passes though, apparently our neighbours are already arguing about who gets to be first in line."

Hikari laughs, "Well we do live on Lesbian Lane. Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to organise us.

"So, tell me about this girl who snared Ken..."

 

Notes:

San'ningumi - threesome, or perhaps more accurately "gang of three", especially if Chihiro is encouraging shenanigans.

Chapter 7: Wedding Preparations

Summary:

2020, Early Summer

In which Shinji helps Hikari and Asuka prepare for their wedding.

Asuka

Shinji rinses the last traces of the very expensive shampoo out of Asuka's hair. He'd almost had to go to Germany himself to find some that had survived. Not that he told Asuka that. It was part of her wedding present. As was using it. That didn't necessarily mean that it was one of his better ideas.

"Asuka, why am I doing this?"

"Well I couldn't exactly ask Hikari," the sarcasm might have masked the underlying emotional rapids to someone who didn't know her as well as he did.

"And Rei would smudge my makeup."

"You aren't wearing any."

"You love me?"

Shinji sighs and picks up Asuka's favourite conditioner. She smelled of it when she first kissed him. She smelled of it when she came home with Hikari's hand held tightly in hers. She smelled of it at Kaji's memorial service. Of course he'd got her some.

"You know that."

"Then is this really too much to ask?"

Shinji rubs the conditioner into her hair gently, "Of course not. Nothing is. Now stop looking at me like that and close your eyes before you get soap in them. You can't show up with your eyes all red."

Asuka closed her eyes tightly. People would think she'd been crying, which she still might, but only alone or where Shinji could see her. She tried to relax, Shinji's hands in her hair helped, as did his calm and gentle manner, her nervousness, anticipation, giddiness and fear did not.

---

"Here," Asuka passed him the washcloth over her bare shoulder and let the towel fall in her lap.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked as he washed her back gently.

"As much as I am about anything."

He stopped.

"Yes. Dammit. I'm sure. Keep going, baka."

He lifted her arm and washed the inner edge, her armpit, her side.

"What did you think the first time you saw me naked?"

"Partly or completely?"

"Hentai."

"For you."

"Baka."

"Completely," she asked raising her other arm.

"What was going to kill me first. The embarrassment or you kicking me off the walkway if you noticed me looking. It was worth it though."

"You peeked!"

Shinji rinsed and rewet the cloth to warm it up, "I wasn't the one comparing their teammates' arses."

"Humph," Asuka pauses, "Yours was cuter. You can wash mine when you're done with my front."

"You can do that yourself."

"No."

"No?"

"I want you to. I'm getting married in a few hours. It might be the last time you get to touch my boobs."

"You make that sound like it's a regular occurrence, not something that only happens when you're so sick you're delirious."

She leans back against him, making him almost as wet as she is, "I might be delirious."

"Quit teasing me Asuka."

"I meant it, mean it. You're my best friend. You've seen me at my worst. You've helped me be my best. So keep helping baka, I have to be my best today."

Asuka turned on the stool to face him, the towel dragging behind her until it was barely covering one thigh. She glared at him until he looked down and into her eyes. Then she took his hand and placed it on her shoulder.

He washed her shoulder, her neck, then looked down and hesitated, "At least cover yourself. Please?"

"Why? You've seen a pussy before, including mine. Besides, I was about to ask you to trim it."

"Asuka! Please stop, you're going too far."

"No. Going too far would be fucking you now and getting married with your cum running down my leg."

Shinji drops the washcloth in her lap to cover her and sits back on his heels. There's calm and there's calm in the face of Asuka's deliberate provocation. This was Asuka, beautiful, brave, obnoxious and insecure. He was very familiar with the last one, even after waking up this morning with Rei curled around him reassuringly. He'll be fine after today, he just has to get them all through it. Right now Asuka needs his support, that's all he needs to focus on.

"Asuka," his voice is soft, but it digs through her swirling emotions, "What's going on?"

"I. I. It could have been you."

"It isn't. I couldn't have made you this happy."

"Baka! You could have tried!"

"I did. You didn't notice."

"Did you ever think about making love to me?"

"You once crawled into my bed wearing nothing but your favourite red striped panties. Of course I thought about it. You are one of the most beautiful women in the world."

"I did not! And what do you mean 'one of'?"

"You were sleep walking. I let you think I was asleep when you woke up. And I've seen ChiChi in her underwear."

Asuka smiles, "ChiChi is it now?"

"She's still a lesbian. You're still getting married. Now tell me what's wrong."

"Are you going to be here when we get back?"

"Is that it? You're not losing me. I'm even more stubborn than you are. I'll still be there to cook your eggs while listening to your morning orgasm."

She throws her arms around him and he wraps his own around her gently, then kisses the top of her head affectionately, reassuringly. She's wet and now completely naked. Neither of them cares.

After a long damp moment, she pulls away and kisses his cheek, "Thanks baka."

"Are you going to be alright now? You still have to have your hair done and I need to make sure Rei's final alterations to your kimono fit."

Asuka nods, "I will be. Now finish washing and comb my hair out so Megumi doesn't frown at me."

---

Hikari

"Where's Kodama?"

He'd been only slightly surprised that she hadn't suddenly appeared when he went to change into dry clothing. Not that they were likely to stay that way, so he wasn't going to get dressed for the wedding until he had both the brides ready. As ready as they were going to be, there were limits to how much he could do and Asuka had pushed those already.

"Trying to find our father. Anyway I originally wanted you to do this."

Shinji sighed. Why did he have to be the one doing everything? Not literally everything. Hikari had organised all the catering, though he'd had to threaten to tie her up if she actually got involved. Kodama was corralling the guests, there were more than he expected - not a lot, and obviously Asuka's biological family weren't there, but their chosen family and friends was larger than he'd realised. Rei had made Hikari's wedding kimono. Asuka was... Asuka was hiding in his room away from everything. Well, mostly him after he'd helped her get ready and of course Hikari so she wouldn't see her too soon. She was being stubborn about that.

Still, on top of everything else, this was a bit much. Even if there wasn't anything else, this was a bit much.

Hikari dropped her bra in the basket next to the door and bent over to take off her panties. Not her favourite ones, he'd already washed and packed those for her. What was it with him and naked girls today? He might not have minded so much if at least one of them had been his girlfriend. Which would require him to have one. Which he didn't actually want. At least Rei had been warm.

"Are you going to wear a towel or do I have to see your naked butt?"

Hikari giggled and wiggled the aforementioned butt, "What's the matter? You've seen it before."

"Only because someone doesn't close the door properly when she steals my shower, despite having a perfectly good one connected to your own room with a naked girlfriend in it."

Shinji grabbed the shampoo and a wash cloth, he loved Hikari but she could be a brat some times. At least her shampoo didn't have to get shipped in illegally from Germany.

"Are you sure about this? You're getting married in a few hours. Not to me, if I may point that out. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to be bathing the bride."

"Shush. You come highly recommended. And you're an honorary girl."

Shinji sighs, "ChiChi tried to pull that one when she married Megumi. It didn't work for her, so if she's the one who recommended this she was making things up again."

"ChiChi is it?"

"Not you too. She's a friend. Unlike you."

"Hey!"

"Friends don't disappear leaving piles of laundry behind them."

"It's a honeymoon. We'll be back."

"With more laundry. Apparently that's all I'm good for."

"Quit it Shinji."

"Sorry." He was supposed to say what he was sorry for, but if Asuka wanted her to know he'd spent an hour calming her down after her bath she could tell Hikari herself. Apparently it had left him more on edge than he'd left Asuka. The naked Hikari was not helping.

"Now come and wash me."

"How are you not embarrassed?"

"It's you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If it were Kodama I'd be uncomfortable. I love her dearly, but sometimes she doesn't know when to shut up. You aren't going to bring up walking in on me tied to the bed with Asuka's tongue making me squeal. Or carrying me to the shower and stripping off my vomit covered dress. I know that wasn't Rei and Asuka had already passed out."

"Thanks. I needed another anecdote for the speech."

"Don't you dare!" Hikari still had that commanding presence. Of course Class Representative Horaki would not have been standing in front of him naked on the day of her wedding. She had breasts to bounce threateningly now too, unlike the first time he'd seen her naked. He was not currently stupid enough to point that out, or bring up the unpleasant circumstances on her wedding day.

He stared back at her, "Sit. Or I'll shave all your pubic hair off."

Hikari blinked and blushed brightly, demonstrating that she could still manage to be embarrassed by Shinji, and sat on the stool with a plop.

"Why are you doing this?"

"I'm your best friend, and apparently I'm the girl for the job."

Hikari giggled, her blush starting to fade, "Highly recommended!" Her tone turns a little more serious, "And I meant all of this. You never made fun of my crush on Toji, unlike everyone else. You were supportive when Asuka dragged me home, even though you were in love with her. You defended us to my father. You watched over Nozomi so we could have a date. You helped build us a home. Now you're helping me get ready for my wedding. I don't deserve a friend like you."

Shinji dumps a cup of water over her head.

"Bastard!"

"You can tell me how great a friend I am while I wash your hair."

---

"Mmmm, why don't you do this more often?"

"I'm not the one marrying you?"

"There is that."

"Don't you dare."

"What?"

"Think you're wrong."

"If you ask her when she gets back, Kodama will help you with that erection."

"Hikari."

"You won't even have to ask nicely."

"Hikari!"

"What? Did you want me to do it?"

"I am not having this conversation. And you are avoiding the question."

"The one about how you know what she sounds like?"

"I know what you sound like," he avoided the question, regretting he'd ever let that slip.

"You live with me."

Shinji rinses her hair, completely accidentally spraying the rest of her in the process.

"Alright already. I should be marrying Toji. You should be marrying Asuka. I've said it. Are you happy now?"

"Not until you are."

"I'm fine. Really. It's just a big step. It's not what anyone expected of me. It's not what I expected of me. What if I screw up?"

Shinji grabs a towel and wraps her in a big fluffy white hug, "You will."

She leans back against him, "That's not helpful."

"True though. You'll screw up. You'll have fights. No one's perfect, not even you, and certainly not Asuka. You'll get through it. And if it doesn't work out, I'll help you file the divorce paperwork."

Hikari turns and glares at him, "Some reassurance you are!"

He kisses her nose, "Seriously though, Kari, you lived with me, Asuka and Rei for years. You're a lot more resilient than you think. You can do this. I'll still be around to do your laundry."

"Movie nights?"

"Sure."

"Hugs?"

"Whenever Rei's not in the way."

"Pillow fights?"

"Not if Asuka's home, she gets too serious."

"Wash the rest of me?"

"You sure you can't do that yourself?"

"I can't let Dama have all the fun," Hikari dropped the fluffy towel in her lap and handed the washcloth back to Shinji.

Shinji sighs, "You're going to get me killed one of these days. And I am not dating your sister."

"Why not? Don't you dare tell me you're not good enough for her."

"I'd have to move out."

"Huh?"

"Do you want your sister hearing your screaming orgasms at three am?"

"There's a reason Asuka still calls you baka-Shinji. Are you ever going to tell me the real reason?"

"Maybe sometime when you aren't naked and about to get married."

Hikari moved her leg so Shinji could wash the inside, "Would you do this for her too?"

"If she asked. Why? Is she about to marry someone?"

Hikari sighed. Then she closed her eyes and let herself be washed. It was calming and soothed her nerves, which were a lot more ragged than she let on. Which he knew. He knew her better than almost anyone else. Almost. She trusted him. She wondered if she would ever be able to tell him she loved him in a way that would be understood. Certainly no one else was going to understand. Especially if they saw them together right now.

---

Shinji

"Sit still baka. I know it's not your wedding and probably never will be, but you are not showing up for mine looking like..." she waves her hand at him, "... that."

Shinji sighed. What he'd been trying to do was get Asuka into her wedding kimono without her managing to get anything on the fabric. Hikari would be much better at this, but Asuka was being annoying and insisting she didn't get to see her before the wedding. Some stupid German custom or something. As if they hadn't woken up in the same bed this morning.

What he was dealing with was Asuka bent towards him in her underwear, which was obviously intended for only Hikari to be seeing, trying to comb his hair.

"Asuka, stop that or I'll call Hikari in."

She glared at him. He was glad it was Hikari she was marrying and not himself. However much he loved her, and if dying hadn't stopped him doing so there was unlikely to be anything that could, she could be insufferable. She was even worse when she was stressed. Today she was both stressed and emotional in ways she didn't like anyone seeing. The soothing massage that bathing her had turned into had helped, but there were limits to what he could do for her.

He stood up and wrapped his arms around her again.

"Mmmph," she complained into his shoulder. For once being taller than her was useful.

"It's alright. Rei's going to dress me and Megumi's going to do my hair again once I'm done running around after everyone. No one is going to let me look like a blot on Hikari's beauty."

"Asshole."

"Seriously Asuka. She looks stunning. You'll look amazing, more amazing. I'm not going to tell you not to worry, I know better. You'll be fine, and if anyone claims otherwise I'll have Rei explain the error of their ways."

Asuka snorts, "You are evil. And are going to smudge my makeup if you don't let go."

He pushes her away gently, "So let's get you finished and I'll go and subject myself to Megumi's ministrations."

---

Shinji finishes straightening the last fold and steps back so Asuka can see herself in the mirror.

"See. I told you you'd look amazing."

Asuka looked for something to complain about but failed to find anything. Hikari had insisted on the traditional wedding kimonos. She'd argued that she never looked good in white, it either made her skin look like Rei's or made her otherwise almost invisible freckles stand out. Which had been bad enough as a little girl, but she was hours away from getting married.

This was not what she expected. Kimonos were ungainly, they were not supposed to make her look so elegant.

"Now remember," Shinji interrupted her appreciation, "the correct response to the 'Do you take this woman' part is 'I do', not 'Fuck yes' or 'Frequently'".

She tried not to laugh, only because she knew he was trying to make her. Maybe she should have given in to Hikari on the ritual wording as well, but there were none of her biological relatives here, not that she'd have invited them if she could, and she wanted parts that were familiar if they were going to truss her up like a turkey.

She most definitely did not look like a turkey.

---

"Ouch."

"Your hair's so short, how on earth did you manage to get it tangled? Actually, don't answer that, I probably don't want to know."

"Thanks Umi. For doing everyone's hair," he winces, "and not making me answer that."

"Well at least someone appreciates me."

He laughs at her, "As if you didn't have one of the most beautiful women in the country worshipping you."

She ignores him and finishes combing out his hair, "There, now not even Asuka can complain."

He stands then bends to kiss her cheek, "And we do appreciate you."

"Now go, before Asuka gets even more nervous and starts messing up my hard work."

Notes:

This is the adaption and expansion of the original chapters from Kisses: One Spectacular Failure, One Spectacular Success.

Yes, Shinji is surprisingly calm around naked girls. This is not entirely Rei's influence.
Shinji's observation about Hikari is a little too close to "breasted boobily" but he's allowed to be intimidated by a naked Hikari.

Chapter 8: Dancing and Other Expressions of Desire

Summary:

2020, Early Summer

"Vertical Expression of Horizontal Desires"

One of which is going to be sleep, if Shinji survives the dance after Asuka & Hikari's wedding.

"Well, you couldn't really be best man and maid of honour for whatever the weird combination of ceremonies Asuka and Hikari agreed on."

Shinji put his hand on Kodama's waist, "I'm fairly sure arranging for us to dance together is the second best thing happening for Hikari today."

Kodama smiled, "Your protests were rather feeble."

Shinji smiled back, "She pouted at me. She's even harder to resist than you are."

She looped her arms around his neck, "I'm not so sure about that, you seem to be doing a good job of that so far."

"Dancing is one thing," he didn't avoid looking into her eyes, "but I am not hooking up with you at your sister's wedding."

She slid against him as she guided them across the dance floor, "You could though. Rei's here."

He blushed, "That doesn't exactly make it easier and you know it. She'd know."

She let go of him long enough to move his hand up to her shoulder, "I don't mind."

He ignored the gleeful look Hikari was giving them as she peeked at them over Asuka's shoulder, "I do."

She ran her fingers through the hairs just above the collar of his kimono, "I've missed your hands on me. Your company too. It doesn't have to be anything more than that. I'm not going to try to seduce you again if you don't want me to."

He swung her around, mirroring what Asuka was doing with Hikari, though with considerably less flamboyance. There was no risk of his dancing upstaging the newly married couple even if they were taller. At least he wasn't tripping over his own or Kodama's feet. He owed Rei a dance too for all the practice she'd drilled him through.

He placed his head next to hers so only she would hear him, "You wouldn't need to try any more than you are doing. Especially if you were the fourth naked girl I had to deal with today."

She turned and kissed the tip of his ear, "Asuka too? Or have you been up to something interesting? And I wouldn't mind, you know that."

"Someone has apparently been touting my skills as Araiya," his tone was more resigned than one of someone who'd been enjoying himself.

She laughs quietly in his ear, "Well that wasn't me. Though I definitely would not mind a trip to the Ikari Onsen if it comes with that kind of service."

They danced for a while in silence, though Kodama's movements more than made up for any words she wasn't saying. Thankfully most of those who weren't dancing themselves were watching the couple of the occasion, except Kensuke who was racking up plenty of blackmail material pictures for the second album to go with the official pictures he was taking.

---

"May I?" a familiar voice asked from beside them, interrupting their remarkably similar thoughts.

Shinji smiled, "Which of us were you after?"

"Oh. Like that is it? Choices!"

"Chihiro, stop it."

She stuck her tongue out at him, "Spoilsport," She turned to Kodama, "Mind if I borrow him for a dance? I promise I'll return him unscathed. Mostly."

She didn't actually wait for an answer but grabbed his hand and spun him off to an open patch of floor, taking the lead role in a considerably faster dance.

"So," as the tempo changed and she backed into him, "That's 'uncomplicated'?"

He slipped his hands down to her waist and she reached over her head to place her hands on the back of his neck, "Less than you flirting with me with your wife watching."

She flowed with the music, but without loosening her hold on him, "Pish. You're probably the safest person in the room for me to flirt with. We know you won't do anything even if we asked you to." She twisted in his arms, her hair rippling out behind her unbound, "Is there even a straight girl in the place?"

"Aida Hayami"

"Huh. I should have guessed it'd be the geek. One track minds."

He guided her into the next dance, "Unlike you of course."

"Hah. I'm dancing with one of my favourite people, enjoying my wife staring at my cute bottom, and making Kodama jealous."

His arm slid up her back as he let her lean out, "Envious maybe," he replied as she came back up and pressed against him, "Though possibly of me rather than you."

"You're available, if you want to be. I'm not. I saw the look in her eyes when I borrowed you. Why don't you let her?"

He swung her around, "I preferred it when you were flirting."

She batted her eyelashes at him, she was wearing makeup today of course, but using it to downplay her appearance not enhance it. She could be subtle when she wanted to be. Just not with him. He laughed at her expression anyway.

They enjoyed the rest of the dance together before either of them said anything else, "I'm about to be interrupted. This was fun. Make sure you find me for at least one more dance tonight." She winked at him, "And don't leave Megumi out."

---

"I believe it's my turn Shinji-kun."

"Is there a schedule or something Maya?"

"Of course there is," she took his hand and bowed, "Though Kodama now owes me a dance herself for taking one more than she was supposed to."

He stepped up next to her, following the pattern of the more stylised dance, "She's a good dancer, I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

Maya blushed as she stepped back, "I'm not sure I want the same sort of dance she was having with you."

"Do you currently have a girlfriend?" He turned his head to her ear as he stepped behind her.

"No, not since," the back of her head touched his shoulder as she tilted back so he'd hear. She didn't need to elaborate.

He grasped her forearm as he stepped back in front of her, "Neither has she, and a reliable source tells me she's good to hers."

"Are you trying to set me up at your girlfriend's wedding?" she folded her arm against her chest, pulling him towards her, "Or trying to avoid your sister in law?"

"Asuka is most definitely not my girlfriend, whatever the rumour mill is claiming these days, and if this doesn't stop the one about me marrying Hikari nothing will. So I do not have a sister in law to avoid."

She turned, pulling him with her with her hand still firmly on his arm, "It claims a lot of things, many of which I know aren't true. That was the one I wasn't sure about. You obviously still love her. Kodama's not the only thing you're avoiding."

He pushed her away to follow the steps but she pulled him back, "Were you after something other than a dance Maya?"

She used the dance steps to hold his arm against her, positioning it between her breasts rather than below them, "Yes. But it was easier to get on your dance card than get time to talk."

He stepped around her, letting go of her arm and extricating himself from her grip, a movement that left the back of his fingers tracing the curve of her breast where her kimono wrapped around her, "And?"

She didn't object but rather stepped back against him, "There's a hot spring near where I live. You should bring the family, or just Kodama," he couldn't see her biting her lip, "or just yourself."

The music paused and she turned to face him, "My time is up. I will talk to you later." She bowed and walked away towards the remaining food, leaving him somewhat confused as to what had just happened.

---

"I am next. I selected the dance with the intricate steps. You must stand behind me and hold me. I do not intend to fall but you should be aware that I have consumed small amounts of alcohol this evening."

"I'm sure you'll be fine Rei," he stepped up to her as she turned her back to him, "and if not, you know I'll always catch you."

"I do," and she started to move with the music. He stepped with her, one step for three of hers, but complex enough he was glad he was merely tired and had not consumed anything more intoxicating than the scent of Kodama's hair.

He had watched Rei dance often enough. Music and movement were things she loved. He had held her often enough. Her need for physical contact was high. The combination of the two was quite different. They hadn't practiced this one together, not that he needed to to dance with Rei, just to learn how to dance with others. It was actually easier with her back to him as he didn't have to think about the steps enough to mirror her, he could just flow with her and determine which steps were also his as there was no way he could keep up.

Her steps slowed, the pattern was still complex but it was now at a speed he could follow all the steps. At least until she turned in his arms and looked up at him.

"Do you wish to engage in sexual intercourse?"

He stared down into her shining red eyes and lost track of the steps he was supposed to follow.

"Asuka and Hikari will be away tonight. You will be lonely. I will return home with you. You may bring one of the other five women present interested in engaging in sexual intercourse with you if you would prefer. I will remain close enough you would be successful.

"Left foot ten centimeters forwards. Right foot thirty centimeters to your left. Two are ovulating, including the youngest Horaki."

"Rei?"

"Left foot against your right. Yes?"

"Just cuddles tonight please. I'm tired."

Too tired to deal with Kodama pretending she wasn't once more trying to seduce him, definitely too tired to cope with what appeared to be Rei including herself as an option, and there was no level of energy that would ever be enough to deal with something he wasn't even going to try to think about. He certainly wasn't going to ask who the others were.

"Left foot thirty centimeters backwards. Right foot returned to the original position. Very well. We must stop now. You are dehydrated. I will acquire a suitable drink. You are supposed to dance with the bride next."

Shinji shook his head and followed Rei off the dance floor. This had been a long day before the ceremony even started. Asuka's insistence on inviting everyone who attended and those who couldn't to a dance afterwards had seemed like a good idea until he actually had to go through it. He needed more than just a drink if he was going to survive the rest of the evening.

---

Hikari found him in a corner hiding from the bridesmaids, an almost empty glass in her hand, a completely empty plate in his.

"There you are. That big speech about the important people in life and you haven't danced with either of us."

He handed her a full glass, Rei was right about them needing to stay hydrated, "As if anyone could have gotten between the two of you if they'd tried. Besides, I've been scheduled. You or Asuka are next. Rei helpfully didn't specify which bride."

"Me. A slow one. You get Asuka for the fast one. I'm not up to it."

"She did a good job on your hair. It looks almost as good as when Megumi did it this morning."

"What do you mean?" Hikari didn't try to look innocent, he knew her far too well. She was just asking what had given her away.

"Her hair pins don't match your dance kimono."

Hikari blushes but puts her hand out, "Don't step on my toes."

---

A slow dance with Hikari in his arms is weird. Not that he hadn't held her before, they'd hugged often enough, he'd carried her to bed after she and Asuka had fallen asleep on the couch together. She was still smaller than her older sister, and probably always would be now. A different dress. A different life. It could have been him wearing the matching ring not Asuka. It could / would / had been comfortable, nothing more, but there was a lot to be said for comfortable. If it had been a faster dance the flicker of memories of lives he'd never lived might have made him miss a step. Maybe there would be a time to share memories like that and laugh about it together, but her wedding day was definitely not the time.

"It feels like I'm losing an imouto-chan and gaining an onee-chan."

"Baka. I love you too," her voice was quiet enough not to carry further than his ears.

"I don't think I'm the one you should be saying that to."

"Oh shush. You know what I mean. There aren't good words for our relationships, Onii-chan" the last word is teasing and followed by soft laughter.

"Wife?"

Hikari blushes, "I'm not used to that yet, even if Asuka seems to think I've changed my name to it."

Shinji laughs and lifts Hikari to swing her around.

They dance for a while, the music stretching on as if designed for the married couple and not their family. Neither of them minds or notices, letting the pattern of the dance affirm their friendship and their physical closeness confirm both their comfort with and complete lack of desire for each other.

There's a beat and Hikari slips out of his arms and steps away, her hand sliding down his arm until she's clasping his hand, then she grins impishly and whips him around before letting go. Which is how he finds himself bent backwards over Asuka's arm as if she'd just dipped her partner in a passionate dance. 

A moment later he's upright and she's laughing and leading him, or stalking him, he's not entirely sure. He had been tired, but Asuka's energy is infectious and soon he's stepping along with her. Rei hadn't taught him this one, but it's Asuka and she could lead him anywhere. Her hair is loose - where Hikari's hair pins ended up he has no idea - and flows around him as rapidly as she does.

He has no time or breath for verbal conversation, but this is just as much a "baka, I love you" as Hikari's quiet words. Quiet and subtle was never Asuka's approach to things. She was happy. Happier than he'd ever seen her. He would walk through hell again to see her like this, a little dancing was nothing. He was definitely going to sleep tonight, though someone might have to carry him home after this.

---

"Can I have my wife back now?" Hikari was smiling and handing Asuka a glass of water.

He smiled up at her from the floor where he was leaning against Asuka's back, "Please. I don't think I can dance anymore after that."

"Weakling," Asuka took a long swallow, "One dance and you're all worn out."

"Hah. I knew it was you. I've barely had a break all evening."

"Hey, don't blame me. I was busy getting married. Which you were too busy organising to think about what you were supposed to do. So it was a collective thank you."

"I am thoroughly thanked. Now let me rest and go dance with your wife some more."

As Hikari pulled Asuka to her feet and into her arms, someone grabbed his hand to keep him from falling. He wasn't going to get any rest any time soon.

Notes:

Araiya "washer" not the spider. Spider-Shinji is a whole different genre.
imouto-chan Younger sister (affectionate)
onee-chan Older sister (affectionate)

Poor Shinji just wants his family to be happy, he has enough to deal with, he doesn't even want a girlfriend, certainly not a harem. At least it was a private event and none of his rescues were there.

I don't actually have specific music or dances in mind for any of them, just a wide variety of different styles. Except for the one with Asuka & Shinji, where I had Ricki Martin's "Livin' a vida loca" in my head for the beat and energy. It was released before the Second Impact, so they could have it, but it would be rather inappropriate to be what they actually danced to here.

Next up, Shinji wakes up wishing he had a hangover then a timeskip to the angst arc. Unless I get inspiration or writing prompts for something else. Any gaps contain Hikari and Asuka being cute together.

Chapter 9: Mornings and Other Comforts

Summary:

2020, Early Summer

In which Shinji wakes up from a well earned sleep to find his life is more complicated and he's not the only one who slept well.

Shinji woke slowly.

The familiar scent of the hair in his face meant the woman who had her back pressed against him and his hand held to her bare breast was Rei. Not the usual way to wake up with her, normally she was wrapped around him with her head on his shoulder. Normally he's at least wearing underwear.

Which left him with a problem. Rei cuddled against him with her arse firmly pressed against his morning erection was one thing. It had happened often enough over the years that it was more awkward than embarrassing. Which meant the arm snaked around him and trapped between himself and Rei belonged to someone else, who was most definitely female and at least partially naked.

He had been tired, he didn't think he'd been that tired. Admittedly Rei had literally carried him home after they'd seen Asuka and Hikari off.

Hikari had been just as tired, or at least tired enough to be using it as an excuse to have Asuka carry her. Asuka had been wide awake, still high on the energy and excitement. She'd had no problems, or objections, to picking up her wife and taking her off to their honeymoon. So at least it wasn't either of them. He'd have to add a new level to his disaster scale if that had happened.

He couldn't move and he didn't have a lot to go on without opening his mouth and almost certainly putting his foot in it. Metaphorically of course, his actual foot was as trapped as the rest of him by whomever's leg it was wrapped around him. 

The breasts pressed against his back were larger than Hikari's, which ruled out another option for which would have made the end of the world look like a quiet afternoon doing laundry. Their relative size to the one Rei was using him to massage in her sleep, at least he really hoped it was in her sleep, ruled out Misato. Which would have perhaps been terminally embarrassing but on the Asuka Disaster Scale would barely have rated an awkward breakfast. Besides, Misato had stayed sober the entire night and it would have taken far more than the celebration high for that to happen.

He had a vague recollection of Chihiro opening the door for them. It almost certainly wasn't her, there was enough light seeping through his eyelids that he'd have suffered an early morning death by Megumi by now. It definitely wasn't Megumi, for the inverse reason no matter how much Chihiro teased him. Besides, whoever it was was taller than Megumi, which wasn't a criteria for anything other than not-Megumi.

The best option, or the least worst anyway, was obviously Kodama, who really hadn't wanted to take no for an answer. She had of course, even if they hadn't been at her sister's wedding she respected boundaries even if she didn't like them. And she'd taken him declining her invitations often enough even after she'd made sure he understood that they were invitations and teased him about his obliviousness. She'd clearly issued several last night. For more than just naked cuddles, though she'd be quite happy with those too.

It was his life though. He never got the best option. It had to be someone Rei was comfortable sleeping naked around which narrowed it down. He was warm and Rei was comfortable and apparently his brain wasn't up to reaching any conclusion before it decided he needed more sleep before dealing with the morning.

---

"Cuddles. No sex." murmured Rei, who had rotated in his arms by the time he woke again to the sound of someone moving around in their kitchen. They were being quiet, which meant it was almost certainly someone who knew their way around. The Rei alarm clearly hadn't gone off so it was someone they knew. If someone was going to steal their eggs they probably wouldn't cook them first.

"Should I have specified just you? I know I didn't invite anyone."

"Cuddles."

Shinji smiled and kissed the top of her head. 

"You were sleepy. I invited." She sounded a little less sleepy now.

"What do I need to know?"

"Misato-san delivered Asuka and Hikari safely to their destination. She refused cuddles. We should arrange for her to have some." (That was easier said than done. Misato had gone from overly affectionate to physically withdrawn when Kaji died. He hadn't come back, neither had her ability to be physically affectionate. That she'd danced with him the night before had been a small miracle, he'd been shorter than her the last time she'd hugged him. Maybe she'd finally accept a hug from him again the next time he saw her).

"Toji took Sakura and Nozomi to the Suzahara residence." (That was a relief, those two were a handful and he needed a strategy for handling Nozomi before he next saw her if what Rei had said was true, and as much as he wished otherwise he had no reason to doubt her. He was at least going to have to make sure someone had talked to her about vaccines, protection and birth control - he wasn't sure which was the worse option there, doing it himself as a responsible Onii-chan or talking to either of the other Horaki women about it. He probably should make sure Sakura had the same, because there was no way Toji or his father had done so).

"Chihiro is attempting to keep Megumi quiet while she makes everyone breakfast. They have offered cuddles when you are awake enough to appreciate them properly." (That seemed improbable. Then again, they had both been making their presence felt, Rei apparently wasn't the only one worrying about him needlessly).

"Maya helped move my futon into your room so we would all fit. Kodama is currently in the bathroom urinating and brushing her teeth." (He would deal with the implications of Maya being in Rei's room later. In the mean time, even if it had been Kodama holding him when he woke up as he suspected it definitely wasn't now.)

"Maya?"

"meep!" came a soft voice from between his shoulder blades. 

"Cuddles," declared Rei smugly.

---

Chihiro kissed him on the cheek and started drying plates to make room on the rack.

"My friend," she said smiling, "only you could manage to have women literally drooling on you, wind up in bed with them naked and do nothing more than kiss the Cuddle Monster goodnight."

Shinji groaned and picked up the next cup to wash. It had been a while since there had been so many people in the house. It had been even longer since he'd woken up comfortably with anyone other than Rei - Asuka didn't count, as much as he loved her, sharing a bed with Asuka never qualified as comfortable, waking up after she'd arrived unexpectedly even less so. So he still wasn't sure what to make of this morning. That had definitely been comfortable. That had definitely been Maya, Captain Ibuki would not have been naked in his bed with her arms and leg wrapped around him, not to mention or even think about... thankfully Chihiro saved him.

"It was such a chaste kiss too. At least when you kissed me goodnight you slipped me your tongue."

Shinji spluttered. 

Chihiro laughed, "You are too easy to tease, my friend. Though after I saw you dance with Megumi I was almost tempted. When did you get so good?"

"Rei," he replied as if that explained everything.

---

"Six years isn't that much of an age gap."

"Says the woman who's six days younger than her wife."

"Shush. Don't tell anyone Umi's older than me, I'll never hear the end of it."

"Who's six years older than who?" The aforementioned Megumi sits down on the couch on the other side of him from her wife. 

"Shinji and Maya, who he hadn't told me had a thing for him."

"Why would I? She doesn't. Until the wedding, I hadn't even seen her since before we moved." A long time before, but he wasn't going to bring up the details.

Megumi repositions herself into his lap, something she hadn't done since they were much younger and she was trying to persuade him to go on a date with Chihiro. She's not a lot bigger than she was then, which makes her feel even smaller than usual. He has the sinking feeling that the outcome is going to be less enjoyable than having dessert poured on his head. At least with Megumi she's just making herself comfortable, Chihiro would be using it to tease him.

"So what's wrong with her? Other than that she ran away after breakfast. She seems your type."

"My type?"

"Intelligent, thoughtful, cute, not too much boobage - at least from what I could see, cryptic."

Shinji thought about the dance, and the way Maya had shyly dashed for the bathroom to get dressed while he kept his eyes closed, the feel of unfamiliar hands on his skin as she got up. He wasn't sure if they'd as much as touched before, though he might have shaken her hand when they met - Nerv tended towards European greeting customs rather than Japanese ones. If they had it would have been polite, professional and probably a little tentative if it wasn't an emergency. The way she started the dance.

"She's gay," that was accurate and safe, as long as he didn't think about.

Chihiro raises an eyebrow over her wife's head, "Really?"

"That's certainly not what it looked like to me," Megumi accidentally bonked her head against his chin as she raised her head to address him. "She picked the most formal dance she could and still managed to make it look hot. Not to mention how cute she looked wearing just one of your shirts when she grabbed her bag from outside your bedroom door."

Shinji sighs, "Nothing happened other than Rei organising a cuddle pile and lots of sleeping." Which he was starting to wish he was still doing.

Where was Rei anyway? Maya disappearing before he'd gotten out of the shower was understandable. Unexpectedly waking up naked in someone else's bed, even without the complications of who those people were, was probably even more embarrassing than the reverse had been. He was sure there was a reason for waking up with a definitely naked Maya nestled against his back, whether it was a good reason or not would depend on the answers to questions he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to ask. Ask Rei that is, he wasn't going to make it worse for poor Maya by asking her. Assuming he ever saw her again to ask, she might want to go back to avoiding everyone after this.
 
"So is it just that she's not a pilot?"

"What do you mean by that Umi dear?"

Megumi poked Chihiro's leg with her foot, harder than strictly necessary, then stroked the spot with her toes in apology. "All the pilots were our age, or at least in our class and I do notice things that aren't you. The only pilot he didn't love was Suzahara, and he's as straight as everyone thought Hikari was before Asuka smooched her in front of the entire school. Maya's obviously Nerv, real Nerv not just a tech, she's got those 'seen too much shit' eyes."

"Where did Rei get to?" Shinji attempted to distract them from both asking him questions he didn't want to answer and from Chihiro's quickly hidden discomfort at the indirect reference to her father.

"Taking Maya to the train, we've plenty of time."

Shinji sighed, "You're not going to drop it are you?"

"Nope."

"Is this actually about Maya or are you trying to keep me distracted from something you're plotting?"

Chihiro tries to look offended, Shinji just looks at her, partly because it's probably her, partly because he can't see Megumi's face.

"You caught on faster than we expected."

Shinji waits for her to continue.

Chihiro is the one to sigh, "Your best friend just married the love of your life and disappeared for a week. We're keeping you company. It's what friends do. That and interrogate each other about their love lives, and you know almost as much as you're ever going to about ours,  so tell us about Maya before we ask you about Kodama again."

Shinji sighs, he doesn't actually need a distraction. He's not jealous, envious, or upset, he doesn't feel abandoned or unwanted, even Rei had been wrong about him feeling lonely. A quiet day at home cleaning up after the wedding would have suited him just fine. It'll probably be a couple of days, when it's just himself and Rei and the distance to Asuka, that he starts to get ... Rei would have picked up the right word for it from Asuka, probably in at least three languages that weren't Japanese. Then probably discarded it as inadequate. 

"I'm fine, you don't need to worry."

"If it's not that, what is it?" Chihiro sounds skeptical. Shinji was weird, and he had Rei, but there's no way she'd be this calm if it was Umi who'd married someone else. He'd also danced with Hikari like they'd been married for years, and Asuka like they were new lovers. But before that, he'd danced with Rei like they were two bodies of the same mind and Kodama with a level of care that suggested he knew intimately the shape of the space between them. Then again, to anyone that wasn't them it probably looked like she was all but fucking him on the dancefloor. Appearances could be misleading.

Shinji ignores her question, "You're right Umi, she's Nerv. Are you sure you want to know? It's been a pleasant morning so far."

Chihiro looks at her wife, who nods slightly. He'd asked if they wanted to know, not shut them out completely. Rei would be back soon to deal with the fallout if they couldn't handle it. That she hadn't already run in the door meant it probably wasn't going to go nuclear. There was also that slight smile that meant they'd be going home afterwards, to reassure each other with touches and kisses.

Then she wraps her arms around the one of his that's not stopping Megumi slipping out of his lap and leans against him, "So, who is she and where did you meet?"

"Captain Ibuki Maya, Nerv Science Division. Second in command to Chief Scientific Officer Doctor Akagi Ritsuko."

"That's..."
"Shush."

Shinji continued as if he hadn't heard them, "She's one of the few people smarter than Asuka, the only one alive that I know of. She was in love with Doctor Akagi, but it wasn't reciprocated as far as I know. Still was, as far as I could tell, even after she found out her Sempai was fucking my father and helping end the world. She's shy and determined, principled and kind, professional and trustworthy. She's one of the four remaining people who know about Rei's ancestry. I'd trust her with my life again, Rei trusts her with hers."

"But not Asuka's?" Megumi asks before Chihiro can stop her.

"She failed Asuka. The same as I did. She tried harder than me. I failed her too."

Megumi cuddles against him in an attempt to be reassuring. Shinji reverting to Rei style short sentences with missing context was never a good sign.

"The last time I saw her, the last time before the wedding, I kicked her."

"Well, she doesn't seem to be holding that against you."

Shinji continues as if she'd said nothing, "She looked so peaceful. Almost as much as she did this morning before she noticed me looking at her. Except today she was breathing."

He moves Megumi's hand off his chest. He'd been panicked, despairing and Misato was lying dead one floor up. He still remembered details he didn't even register at the time. Megumi couldn't know she'd placed her hand over the second bullet hole, any more than Maya knew she'd placed hers over the same location as the exit wound of the bullet that had destroyed her heart.

"She doesn't even seem to have any scars. She might not even remember being shot. She definitely doesn't remember me tripping over her corpse."

"Well... fuck."

Shinji musters a smile, "No thanks ChiChi."

"So the last time you see her she's dead, then she walks up to you at the wedding, asks for a dance and flirts with you, then ends up in your bed. That must have been a bit of a shock."

"She was flirting?"

"You're an idiot."

"I know that, Asuka reminds me frequently in case I've forgotten. Maya wasn't flirting, and it wasn't that much of a shock. I knew she was alive, she just wasn't one of the people I helped pull out of the sea so I hadn't actually seen her. I knew she was invited. I just didn't expect her to ask for a dance, or to end up here. Though both are probably Rei's fault.

"Misato was a surprise though."

"What is it with you and attractive older women?"

"Why? Are you jealous?"

Chichi smiles, mostly in relief, if he's teasing her it's not as bad as she feared.

"Well, you don't have any at home, unless Rei's the older twin, and Katsuragi-san did dance only with you."

"Still not telling you, and Misato's my Guardian. I carried her out of the ocean. I just wasn't sure she'd come, even for Asuka. I'm glad she did though."

There's a finality to his words that puts them both off asking further questions. For now anyway.

---

"You were right, Rei."

"Hai."

At hearing Megumi's voice, he opened his eyes to see Rei sitting on the floor in front of the couch, watching them and looking serene and content. Which meant he could also see Chihiro's knees and the top of Megumi's head.

"Uh? Umi, could you move?"

"She's comfortable Shinji, let her be," Chihiro runs her fingers through his hair, "So am I, before you worry about it. Though you're a bit bonier than she is."

"You're married."

"Yes, and you're a boy, I noticed," laughed Megumi, "If you move your hand up a little you might discover I'm a girl."

"Down would work too," teased Chihiro as Shinji started blushing, "but if you try that one she might rip your arm off, and I like my wife not covered in blood and my friends in one piece so I wouldn't try it if I were you."

"Cuddles and sex are permitted. Bodily dismemberment is not." announced Rei as she got up to make some tea.

Shinji failed to die of embarrassment but it was a close call.

 

Notes:

Maya gets her own chapter to be confused in. Interleaving the points of view didn't work.

Credits: For those not familiar with them, Chihiro and Megumi are stolen from Doing It Right This Time with some modifications and character development. They keep showing up as OCs in my work because I like them, they have a normal relationship compared to most NGE relationships.

Chapter 10: Cuddles and Other Confusions

Summary:

2020, Early Summer

In which Maya is confused and Rei doesn't help.

"More eggs?"

Maya looked up. Tanaka-san was even more beautiful in the bright late morning sunlight than she had been last night. She was also obviously comfortable in the kitchen of a house she didn't live in.

She knew her face, most of Japan did, but little more about her than she did Aihara-san, whose name she remembered from the list of the pilots' classmates but that was all. Given the way they'd been dancing together, she could almost have been convinced that the person Tanaka was married to was Shinji. Kodama had corrected her there, "Almost as devoted to teasing Shinji as she is to her wife". Her devotion to Aihara-san was obvious this morning, but she seemed far too careful and attentive of Shinji than Kodama's "So gay, not even Shinji could make her interested in boys." That seemed far more indicative of Kodama's interests than anything else.

"Thank you."

She went back to her eggs and her thoughts. The food alone was almost enough to tempt her back down to the coast. She had ignored Aihara's speculative look and "Shinji's cooking is better." Which her wife hadn't disputed beyond an obviously fake pout. She didn't either, it didn't take much to be better than Katsuragi-san's cooking, but she hadn't expected how much better until the one time she'd eaten with Sempai at the Captain's place. He'd definitely improved at other things, she had no reason to doubt his cooking had too.

She should have been exhausted. A wedding, people she didn't know, and the people she did came with memories she'd rather not have stirred up. She obviously had been far past even her old levels of exhaustion to accept Ayanami's invitation, though it was probably the hug that did it. There was something comforting and promising about that hug, apparently enough for her to accept sleeping next to someone else. She hadn't slept next to anyone since she was young, huddling up for warmth in one of the last cold winters the country had seen before the Third...

The Third Impact that was, the Third Child - Asuka had always called him Third when she was annoyed - was definitely not a child any more. Even if he'd been polite and kept his eyes closed while she put on the t-shirt Kodama had dropped on her head and scurried off to the bathroom to get dressed, she hadn't. She'd wanted to see what she'd cuddled up against when Kodama had slid out from between them in the middle of the night. Many of the scars were new, the visible ones anyway. His body shape was different than hers even if they had fit together disturbingly well. The muscles more defined where his arms were wrapped around Ayanami.  She hadn't been naked around a man since she'd gotten too old for her father to bathe her. It should have been far more uncomfortable than it was.

She really had just intended to get time to talk to him. Not at the wedding of course, there were things she wanted to talk out that were definitely not suitable for a day of celebration. She didn't need the rumour mill to tell her what he'd been doing for the first year, she'd gotten reports whether she wanted them or not. "Shinji's good with women," had been ludicrous, at least for the boy she remembered, until she'd teased out that what it actually meant was that he actually listened to them. Which was a lot more than even most of the women she knew were good at. Someone to listen, someone who understood, who wouldn't judge her for her part in things, at least no more than she did. She'd intended to ask for some time, later of course. Then, later, to ask if he'd be willing to listen. Then, maybe, if things went well, to talk about things she didn't want to remember but did anyway.

What she hadn't intended to learn, or even imagined, was how comfortable sleeping with him was. She'd slept well, better than expected for being in bed next to an admittedly attractive woman. Shinji appeared to have surrounded himself with women who as well as being intelligent were beautiful, or cute, or Rei. Kodama was no exception, except possibly to what also appeared to be the 'unavailable or in some sort of incomprehensible relationship' rule. Not that she'd asked of course, and relationship dynamics were not exactly one of her better skills, especially when she was blinded by her emotions. She'd thought seeing Misato again would remind her of Sempai - they had been close at one point, though she'd never worked out if it had been more than friends or just Misato being, well, Misato. What she hadn't expected was that it was Shinji who would bring up feelings similar to those best left buried.

Shinji, who was showering while she ate. Alone, despite Kodama's suggestions otherwise. Obviously there's some history there, but it wasn't clear if they ever actually dated or if Kodama just wished they had. Their first dance together could have been obligatory, as chief attendants to the brides. It hadn't looked that way though, and the second definitely hadn't. But if there was anything between them currently it didn't seem to be official.

Another thing she hadn't asked. Another thing she shouldn't be thinking about. She'd never showered with anyone else, but she had noticed that both the bath and the shower were large enough for at least two people. And had a door on the other side that opened onto Rei's bedroom. Rei who had somehow seduced her into this weird situation. She knew what Rei was, had been, but seeing her in person again had done absolutely nothing to clear up any of the many contradictory things she'd heard. Except the one about whether Rei's hair was naturally blue. At least Rei had been lying in front of Shinji and she hadn't seen even more of him.

This was the point in the morning where she'd be yawning and wishing she had coffee, occasionally even what passed for coffee in the NERV cafeteria if she couldn't have some of the real thing from Sempai's stash. 

No coffee. No Sempai.

Instead she had lemonade, though where they'd managed to get lemons at this time of year she didn't know. Lemonade and a body so relaxed she wasn't even sure she still had some of her muscles as the familiar tensions were just not there. Lemonade and a brain so rested it felt strange. She was never this clearheaded this time in the morning, or perhaps afternoon by now. Not that it was doing her any good. 

She went back to her food, enjoying it while it lasted. Which could be a while, there appeared to be more than when she'd started eating.

---

Maybe Shinji had been right yesterday and she needed a girlfriend, or. She paused with food halfway to her mouth. Or a boyfriend. Or possibly a cat. She'd looked after Sempai's cats often enough, a cat wouldn't demand anything more from her than food and petting. She was not going to think about the time she'd seen Shinji petting Rei while she curled up with her head in his lap. Once she met Sempai she'd realised that the only people she'd been attracted to were women. She'd had years to accept and become comfortable with it. Not as comfortable as waking up wrapped around Shinji with Kodama pressed against her back. A cat wouldn't make her feel like that.

Nor did Rei, who had also been nude and cuddled against Shinji with a content smile on her face. She hadn't actually had cat ears, but it wouldn't have actually surprised her if she had. Aihara-san had greeted her with "I see you escaped the cuddle monster, would you like breakfast?" So apparently Rei arranging such things wasn't specifically for her. She wasn't sure if that was a relief or a disappointment. From their interactions she was reasonably sure if Tanaka-san and Aihara-san had ever been included so had considerably more clothing. She wasn't sure how she felt about that either.

---

She didn't consciously notice the sound of running water had cut off until someone took her empty plate away.  She hadn't noticed she'd been completely naked until he said her name. She hadn't noticed he was until she started to move. She had noticed that her underwear was folded neatly on top of her dress from the dance in a manner that confirmed she'd been the one to do it. 

Thankfully no one had commented that she was still wearing his shirt. At least she was wearing her own pants. Someone had brought her case down from the room she'd arranged to stay in and left it outside the bedroom door. It was clean and more comfortable than her travelling clothes. It didn't smell of him at all.

She liked living alone, with no one to notice how precisely she folded her clothing, that her room was even more precisely arranged than Shinji's had been.  She liked where she lived. The air was cool most of the year, there was snow in the winter. The hot springs she'd invited them to were relaxing. It suddenly felt too far away.

---

They had been out of the house and away from the topic of her thoughts for several minutes before Maya felt she might be ready to hear answers to some of her questions.

"What's between Shinji and Kodama?"

Rei looked up at her. At least someone did, Shinji and Kodama were both taller than she was. Not so much it made her knees weak. Not so much it reminded her of fingers in her hair and the scent of smoke, mint and the metallic blood scent that permeated anyone who... 

Rei smiled, the smile that had gotten her into this situation in the first place, the smile that led to rumours of a blue haired beguiling Kami. If it hadn't she'd have had to start some herself.

"Other than you?" 

She nodded, blushing and not trusting herself to speak. They had been warm and soft and comfortable. They had been firm, muscles from doing things, not in other ways. She hadn't checked that. Maybe she'd have answers to the question she wasn't asking if she had. Maybe she'd have even bigger problems. Like thinking of Sempai in her swimsuit, something else she hadn't done in years.

"He has been avoiding that question for some time. I cannot answer it for him."

They walked on in silence for a while. Maya kept careful pace with Rei, the remnants of both military training and dance should have made fitting into the cadence simple. She was a grown woman, she should not have the urge to skip down the road like an excited schoolgirl. She wasn't even sure where the impulse came from, she was reasonably certain she had never done that as a girl. Excitement was having something to eat that wasn't rice. She wasn't even excited. Just unnervingly calm given the circumstances, whatever those actually were.

"What about you?"

"Can you be more specific?"

She took a slow breath. This was a more familiar sounding Ayanami, she could handle that. Captain Ibuki to the conversational rescue.

"Are you and Shinji lovers?"

"We do not have time for me to answer that."

"I thought it was a simple question."

"I would require your data visualisation skills and knowledge of metaphysical biology to attempt an explanation of our relationship."

"Oh." 

That would take even longer than it would have. She'd assembled some tools, but her best ones were buried under kilometers of rock and she couldn't exactly mail order a Magi, or afford to if she could. What she did have was geared towards physical not metaphysical biology. So she'd have to build something new, and think about the things she'd wanted to talk to Shinji about to do so.

"I do not mind if you pursue an emotional, intellectual, physical or sexual relationship with him. I would recommend the former before the latter if you wish to have a long relationship. He is good with his hands."

"I..." she stalled, what was all that supposed to mean?

"He will not mind if you pursue a relationship with Kodama, exclusively, serially or simultaneously. Though I cannot guarantee success in either endeavour."

Maya decided it was probably better for her ongoing existential crisis not to ask any more questions.

 

---

Maya looked out of the window and watched the greenery go by. Aida could probably tell her the name of every single plant, and his wife would have pictures of each one neatly labeled with species, age and how long they'd been extinct in Japan. There wasn't much call for metaphysical biologists these days, but her 'organise people who'd rather be doing something else, and were too wrapped up in their focus of interest to remember to eat' skills were in high demand. Or at least desperately needed, the same people who needed them tended to be too focused to realise that they did. At least these days it was things like 'why is this hillside covered in flowers that were last recorded at the start of the Edo period' and 'how do we get supplies to Siberia to study woolly mammoths because there's ice in the shipping lanes' and not ... things she hadn't wanted to think about but ended up doing anyway. Sempai had taught her well, especially the reminding people to eat part. Also the 'you are actually capable of loving someone' with a large helping of 'but your choice in partners sucks.' 

Which is part of why she was sitting on a train back home having a second sexual identity crisis and not where she'd woken up this morning. She'd been comfortable in being a lesbian, in as much as you could be in Japan. Focussing on work had dissuaded some but not all of the men who thought all she needed was the right man and a good fuck to set her straight. She really didn't want to prove them right. She really wanted Shinji to hug her again. Which was fine. Hugs were something she'd been reminded just how much she missed by the Rei-shaped hug machine. It was the 'naked' part that was throwing her. That and the curiosity about what the parts of him she hadn't touched felt like, which she couldn't persuade herself was entirely scientific.

Cats or girlfriends. Paragliding into the remains of the GeoFront would be safer than getting involved in the web of strange relationships around the ... what did they even call the Horaki-Soryu-Ikari-Ayanami household? She'd never felt as safe as she had when she woke up this morning. Maybe she'd go and see if the Mammoths were actually real.

 

Chapter 11: Lifetime Movies

Summary:

2020, Late Summer

"Hey, what are you doing with my wife?" 

Asuka sounds amused not distressed. Hikari is using Shinji as a pillow while waiting for Asuka to come back from the kitchen with drink refills before they start the second movie. Shinji has his arm around her shoulders, mostly so it doesn't get squashed, and is petting her head like she's a cat or a small child. Probably the latter given how he'd spent his day.

"Your wife? She was threatening to marry me again."

"Again?" asks Asuka as Hikari hits him in the face with the cushion that had been behind her back.

"I think it was the time you married Toji..."

Asuka bursts out laughing, "Not even in fantasy land is that happening."

"What? You two are so alike sometimes. You can't tell me you two wouldn't egg each other on until one of you dared the other to kiss them. No way either of you would back down either."

"Kiss my arse maybe," muttered Asuka.

Hikari buried laughter in the cushion she'd hit Shinji with.

"Next thing I know you're missing our wedding because you're too busy fucking on the peak of Mt Fuji or something."

"Dipshit. Even I know Mt Fuji doesn't have a peak, unless Rei put one back while I wasn't looking."

"I did not," interjected Rei from where she was sitting, leaning against the couch in the space between Shinji's knees.

"Was that before or after our first child, Shinji?"

"What? You knocked up my wife before you even married her?"

Shinji snorted, "I know exactly how much resistance you have to Hikari dragging you into the bedroom. At least I waited until we were out of High School."

Hikari lifts her head and sticks her tongue out at him, "Oh, definitely a different life if you're going to claim that."

Asuka blinks, "You two are not just tormenting me for the fun of it?"

"Not just."

"Argh!"

"Two kids or three?"

Hikari manages to blush, "Four."

Asuka puts the glasses she was holding on the side table before she spills them on her housemates, completely accidentally of course. That wouldn't be fair to Rei, who for once wasn't encouraging them.

"Rabbits, the pair of you."

Shinji tucks the cushion safely to one side out of Hikari's reach, "Tormenting Asuka aside, do you actually remember anything?"

Hikari nods into his shoulder, "Sometimes. Sometimes it's just a fading dream. Sometimes it sneaks up on me and I remember something that is completely impossible."

Shinji strokes her hair affectionately, "Like marrying each other without Asuka killing one or both of us?"

Hikari smiles, "Or missing the wedding. She'd never do that to either of us if she could help it."

"Hey! I'm right here."

"I blame Toji."

"Just because he's not here?"

"That too, but mostly for making me notice you were cute."

Asuka rolls her eyes, "You needed the Stooge to tell you that?"

"Says the woman who didn't even notice I loved her until after she got a wife."

Asuka decides that arguing Hikari's exact status when she brought her home, brought her home to Shinji, who was more family to her even then than her biological one, was not something she wanted to get into. Especially as she hadn't noticed that either.

She looked at Shinji, "So you actually married her? Not me?"

He nods, "It was... comfortable."

Asuka looks at them, she's not hurt exactly, they are talking about things that never happened, fantasies designed to keep them away from the real world, "I can see that."

She wasn't being entirely snarky. She wasn't just talking about how comfortable her wife looked. How Shinji was only as relaxed as he was because Rei had her head resting on his knee. A Hikari who wasn't hers would have been good for him. Comfortable would have a near irresistible attraction to him.

Hikari sniffs, "You didn't love me?"

"I love you now don't I?" teases Shinji.

"Not in the way that produces babies," Hikari is attempting to sound offended and failing completely.

Asuka settles on the other end of the couch and lifts Hikari's feet into her lap. She both does and does not want to interrupt this conversation. Shinji didn't talk about his feelings. He's also talking about having children with her wife. Hikari had practically raised Nozomi. Shinji never brought any of the children he helped rescue home. They both knew how deep each others childhood wounds still cut.

The silence dragged on and she half expected to look up and find them kissing. What she actually saw was something she would absolutely not admit to understanding. That would require admitting knowing how Toji looked at his sister. Love and brotherly affection, which looked quite different that the way Hikari and her sisters were. The tendrils of jealously sank back into the dark corners of her mind. She noticed that Shinji had deftly avoided talking about how he felt, but perhaps this odd sensation settling over her had some relation to how he felt when he saw her and Hikari together.

"If you're quite done being cute, we have a movie to watch."

Shinji handed the cushion back to Hikari, took the drink Asuka passed over her wife's head as she swapped sides and wrapped his foot around Rei to keep her from sliding.

"As you wish."

---

"It is good that you did not have sex with Shinji," Rei observed at the credits.

Three pairs of eyes stared at her, though she could not see Shinji's.

"On Mount Fuji," she adds slowly, as if talking to children, "The destruction of the wedding venue by volcanic eruption is a non-refundable event."

"Well, that's one way of stopping me marrying your wife," laughed Shinji.

"Rei, are you saying we set off a fucking volcano?" Asuka isn't sure if she's supposed to be annoyed or amused.

"No," deadpanned Rei, "That you set off a volcano fucking."

She did not dodge the pillow that hit her in the face a moment later.

---

Once the ensuing pillow fight had died down, Rei was leaning against Shinji with her feet flat on the couch. Unlike Shinji and Asuka who were poking at each other's toes.

She was quite comfortable until Shinji lowered his head and whispered in her ear, "Rei Of Unusual Size," at which point she laughed, startling everyone.

"Inside joke," grinned Shinji.

"Outside," contradicted Rei, "There's no way she'd fit inside. Though there was enough decaying matter I could have made methane flames. Too much concrete for a swamp. A fire reef with giant octopoids would not fit the story."

"Do I even want to know what you two are going on about?"

"You missed a few things," started Shinji.

"Due to your nebulous state of existence at the time," continued Rei.

Asuka sighed, "I was dead. I do remember that part."

"Mostly," replied Rei who was back to her mostly blank expression.

Asuka groaned, Hikari was giggling in her lap and Rei was almost certainly making things up. Almost.

"There I was, Rei the size of a planet..." starts Shinji, lowering his voice to the bottom of his range but otherwise sounding very much like Rei's prior 'talking to children' slow monotone.

Hikari sees Asuka's confusion and looks over at Shinji, "Let me guess, Kensuke inflicted that one on you."

Shinji nods, "The book, not the show. Though it might be better with Asuka's commentary than his, at least she's funny when she's wrong."

"Hey!"

Rei intercepts the pillow before it impacts Shinji and adds it to her growing collection of ammunition.

 

Notes:

They are watching "The Princess Bride".
Kensuke provided commentary on "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", Asuka's explanations would indeed be funnier but even less accurate. Possibly more accurate than trying to translate THGTTG into Japanese though.

Asuka doesn't actually think Rei can move mountains, she also doesn't know about the mammoths.

Chapter 12: Floods and Other Familiar Things

Summary:

2020, Late Summer

"Hey, baka," Asuka handed Shinji a cold glass of water.

Taking the glass he wiped his forehead with the other arm, "Thanks."

"While you're working on Rei's project, could you ask the Horde to dig a bigger hole?"

Shinji sighs, "As long as it's wider not deeper. I am not rescuing another over enthusiastic ten year old from a hole nearly as deep as they are tall."

"I need about two Eva footprints, but shallower would be better than risking one of your minions."

There was probably a far more accurate technical measurement, which no doubt Asuka knew to the milliliter, but he could visualise an Eva footprint. They definitely weren't having anything that deep, but as long as it didn't have to be regularly shaped there was probably enough space, depending on what Asuka was actually up to.

"What are you planning this time?" 

It was a serious question, Asuka really would be planning. Probably with schematics down to the aforementioned millimeter. Getting the "minions" to burn off some energy doing something useful was probably the equivalent of a rough sketch. It would probably only have been a few hours work for the kind of crew that rebuilt Tokyo 3 after every attack. Those were in short supply and the machinery even more so. Besides, who wanted that amount of noise?

"Flood retention pool. Though I'm sure Rei will have it looking like a natural wetland soon enough."

"Why?" It wasn't that they didn't get heavy rain at times, occasionally for days on end, but there was enough of a slope it wasn't a big problem for them.

"I was helping Rei with the greywater setup for the... " she waved a hand in the general direction of the other end of the street, "oh, you know, the woman with the unnaturally pink hair and her girlfriends. Though who's keeping them in usable hair dye I've no idea. That's not the point. The greywater helps when there's not enough rain but we don't have a good system for when there's too much. Rei was doing something with taproots and swales or.." She shrugs, "You'd probably know better than I do. She's the plant person, not me. Anyway I figured we could manage a street scale retention pool, and if we messed it up we'd still have a pond Rei would lure ducks into or something."

"We might need a deeper section though, to allow for thermal expansion in the summer."

Asuka stared at him, initially in confusion then a blush slowly spread across her face.

"Baka!"

---

Shinji shook his head as she stalked away, mostly at himself. If he'd followed her the first time, things would be rather different. Probably not though, he'd have messed up in some other way.  Anyway, Hikari did a better job at appreciating Asuka's cute arse. That didn't mean he couldn't admire it.

Which he did until she was well past Kumada and Mikami's place before turning back to what was going to be Rei's orchard. Kumada would almost certainly round up enough people to do the actual work once the kids had worn themselves out, if only to have an excuse to watch her buff wife work up a sweat.

Notes:

For those who need a map...

The houses on the uphill side of the street (as defined so far):

As yet unnamed pink haired woman and at least two others
Unspecified
Kumada / Mikami
Asuka / Hikari, Shinji, Rei
Chihiro Tanaka / Megumi Aihara
Unnamed couple
Unspecified
In Progress

On the other side, the not-yet-orchard is opposite the Tanaka's.

Technically we've met Kumada & Mikami before (in Chapter 2: Neighbours) but their names were not mentioned. For Mikami, imagine a Japanese version of Nicole Maple Coenen (and you might understand why Asuka was worried)

Chapter 13: Misato and Memories

Summary:

2020, Early Autumn

During the excavation of the drainage pool, Shinji takes a break to see Misato.

"Hi Misato," Shinji smiled as he sat next to her.

Technically he'd seen her a couple of days ago. If seeing a flash of purple as she turned away after seeing him sitting talking to Mikami with a three year old in his lap counted as seeing her. The child's parents were helping move what seemed like mountains of mud and rocks into place.

"Two Eva footprints," not a measurement he'd use with Misato. Not a scale he'd fully understood until they'd started actually excavating. Of course he'd made it worse by mentioning there might be enough water to make space for swimming. Rei had spent a week discussing hydrology, construction and the best ways to handle water capture and overflow with Asuka and anyone else who was willing to listen. Not that overflow looked like it was going to be a problem any time soon.

Mikami had been taking a break because the digging had reached the underground pipework for the houses they'd declared irreparable and Kumada had gone into salvage mode.

All of which had nothing to do with Misato other than he hoped she might eventually feel comfortable coming for a swim. Or staying when there were children around. They each dealt with their guilt differently. At least she'd agreed to meet regularly after the wedding, that was progress. Very slow awkward progress, but he'd take whatever he could get - that he understood why she had been so distant didn't mean he hadn't missed her.

"Shin-chan!" she smiled up at him, "You made it."

"As if I'd miss our date," he grinned.

"Does your girlfriend know about that?"

"Which one?" he tried to look innocent.

She laughed at him, "Last week you were claiming you didn't want any."

"I still don't."

"The tall woman with the child not your type?"

"Huh? Mikami? Her wife was running the salvage crew. Kaito-kun's parents were helping with the berms."

"Oh. You looked good. Happy." Her tone was wistful. Children were difficult for her and happiness elusive. Both still came with memories of someone who'd died too soon to be able to come back from the red sea. Along with the guilt of how she'd failed to help those she was responsible for.

"Sorry, no grandchildren for you."

"What?! That was mean! I'm not that old."

"Yes, Imouto-chan."

Misato laughed, "That's going too far the other way. What's in the bag?"

"Lunch, and something extra for you."

"Gifts? What are you up to?"

 Shinji started unpacking their lunch, "Why do I have to be up to something?"

"Self defense? Three Horaki's and Asuka."

Shinji groaned, "I'm considering becoming a monk. I hear the mountains are nice this time of year."

"Going to see the Aidas? Or Ibuki-chan?" 

He was reasonably sure Misato wasn't any closer to Maya than he was. On second thoughts, possibly considerably less, he was almost certain Misato had never woken up with a naked Maya pressed against her back and he definitely wasn't going to ask in order to find out. So the diminutive was entirely aimed at provoking him into admitting to something. 

He wasn't going to tell her about Rei's cuddle pile - Misato would be both annoying and hurt. It had been a long time since, and possibly even longer until Misato would be comfortably naked with anyone. He wasn't going to make it worse than it already was.

Shinji put food in front of her, "It was one dance."

"Alright, I'll stop teasing you if you tell me what you got me."

"After lunch. Who knows what you're eating these days."

Misato picked up the chopsticks, "Always the same Shinji."

He looked at her questioningly, but she avoided responding by starting to eat.

 

---

"More food?" Misato peered into the bag, "I do know how to cook you know!"

"Under that," he advised, refusing to say anything about Misato's cooking that might spoil their tentative rapport. 

"Oh. What? How the hell did you find this?" She didn't take it out of the bag, that would be admitting in public what it was.

He smiled and shook his head. He wasn't giving up his sources, even for Misato. Not because he was keeping anything from her, but she might tell Asuka and spoil his surprises. Besides it was Misato if she really wanted to know she'd find out.

She got to her feet and pulled him up into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her. It was still strange being taller than she was, even if it wasn't by much. That she had been the one to hug him was worth far more than the effort he'd put in.

Hugging Misato was a whole lot less embarrassing than it had been the first time. He'd barely known her and did not like being touched by strangers. Now her knew her perhaps better than she was aware of, but he still didn't like being touched by people he didn't know well. That was just a much longer list than he'd ever imagined. 

She was still Misato, really Misato, not a faint mirage he'd thought her the second time he'd seen her since the end of the world. The gaunt, ashen faced figure with faded purple hair that looked as washed out as the rest of her had been recognizable but barely. She'd also run away when she saw him. It had been a year after she returned before they'd been able to talk. It was still painful sometimes, and probably always would be. At least these days he could hold her and not hear gunshots whenever he saw her.

"I love you."

"Still an idiot I see," she smiled but it was a pained smile. He would never be the person she wanted to hear that from, even if they both knew he didn't mean it the same way.

"Sorry. I won't say it again if it makes you uncomfortable. Just you've saved my life a dozen times and risked it just as often. You've been some combination of an older sister, a protector, a mother, and yes, a younger sister I had to take care of", he said the last with a smile. "And that's one of my simplest relationships."

"Simple?" Misato looked at him with a combination of curiosity and confusion, along with a large amount of skepticism.

"I can explain it without Maya and a Magi, which is what Rei claims she'd need to explain ours."

"Oh Maya is it now?" teased Misato sounding so much like her old self than his voice caught in his throat.

"That's what Rei said," he finally responded, still not admitting to anything at all. Maybe they'd get to the point where he felt safe in relaying Maya's invitation to the hot springs. Some day when it didn't remind her of mistakes and volcanoes. Some day when she might accept that 'family' included her.

The hot water might remind him of nearly losing Asuka, but the thought of it also reminded him of her happy voice and playfulness once she'd started relaxing. He certainly wasn't going to tell Asuka that Maya had written to him either. She'd make a production out of what was basically a postcard saying: "it might help if you knew where to find the hot springs." Hikari would be even worse. At least the postcard was a picture of the springs, and not the highly suggestive one Misato had sent him. It had taken a while to realize that it was signed as she'd used the kanji for just her first name (真夜) and he hadn't been quite sure how to interpret it.

---

Shinji watched Misato walk away, bag in hand, a little less slumped than last time. She still hadn't said anything about herself, he didn't know where she lived, other than she hadn't been sweating when he arrived so it was no more than half a day's walk away - unless she had transportation he hadn't seen, and not even Asuka had managed to put what was left of her old car back together. She'd tried after they'd scrounged enough solar panels to have a little spare power but there was only so much anyone could have done.

He briefly wondered who was in her old apartment. It couldn't be her, the place was close enough but it would have been claimed before they'd even finished moving. He'd been too focused on other things to pay attention.

 

 

Notes:

Assorted ways of writing Maya and why Shinji was confused:

伊吹 - kanji, Ibuki the ship
マヤ - katakana, lit 'ma', 'ya'
真夜 - kanji, 'maya', a dozen possible interpretations, also a dozen possible kanji to get 'Maya'

Chapter 14: Gardens and Other Forms of Growth

Summary:

2020, Early Autumn

"Rei? Why don't Chihiro and Megumi have a garden?"

She'd come out of the shower straight to his bed, not her own, and her hair was making the shoulder of his sleep shirt damp. It was short again, as it often was when she was in the middle of a project. She claimed it was less likely to get tangled. If it had been long enough to braid it wouldn't have been getting caught in the branches of the saplings they were planting.

She lifted herself and gave him a long slow kiss before settling back down and pulling his arms back around herself.

"Now I know you are avoiding something."

He might have noticed sooner if it had occurred to him to look, but it wasn't until he was looking back across the road from the beginnings of the orchard that he'd noticed there was only one occupied house that didn't have a garden that Rei had planted. And it wasn't that Rei couldn't kiss him if she wanted to, but that was exactly what Asuka did when she didn't want to answer one of Hikari's questions. What it wasn't was something Rei did. He'd deal with that part later.

"Takana and Aihara are frequently away for extended periods."

"A week is not an extended period."

"Two. It is for seedlings."

Two weeks, perhaps once a year. They could water the plants if they needed it - the other gardens were built to handle and absorb rain so an extended downpour shouldn't be a problem. The excess would run off without drowning anything, at least until Asuka's flood pond was big enough to hold more than a bathtub.

He stroked down the length of the soft skin of her bare back, temporarily free of hair for his fingers to get tangled in. Rei was straightforward. She didn't lie to him. What layer of meaning was he missing?

"It's not cheating to help your friends."

"They are your friends."

"Have you forgotten they were your friends first? They are mine because you assured them I would be safe for Chihiro to go on a date with." It was possible, it had been before Rei's second death, before a lot of other things. Before Asuka of course, no one had believed that the "property of Asuka" sign on his back was gone just because she was dating Hikari. Except Rei of course, she probably hadn't noticed it was there in the first place, and Asuka, who hadn't realised what was obvious to everyone else.

"No."

"What is it then?"

"Little Umi-cakes almost surpassed me in biology."

Shinji blinked, there was absolutely no way Rei was that petty. Asuka could definitely hold a grudge that long, Rei might sulk until she'd had her next cuddle. She'd also never call Megumi by Chihiro's pet name for her. 

"How?" 

There might be better questions to ask once he could work out what they were. He was reasonably certain Rei got perfect marks on tests she hadn't even taken. Other people got zeros, their teachers just assumed she would as she always did. There was a reason Asuka called her 'Little Miss Perfect' before they became friends. He failed even with Hikari and Asuka tutoring him. Not at the same time of course as that turned into Asuka trying to get Hikari to kiss her. Nearly dying every few weeks had not been conducive to learning much.

"I misread a question." That was even stranger than her not knowing the answer.

"Why?"

"I was distracted." She had always looked distracted in school, staring out the window, daydreaming or hiding her pain.

"By what?"

"You knew how to kiss me."

"I did not. You were the one who told me we needed to practice. I assumed I was really bad at it. You never explained why."

"She failed her mission."

"Megumi? She's not a pilot." He had a brief image of Megumi in a skin tight plugsuit that Chihiro would probably kill him for. Or ask him for pictures. It never happened of course, thankfully only one of their friends had that misfortune.

"She has not engaged in sexual intercourse with you. You are not dating Chihiro."

Shinji held in a sigh. He was barely managing to keep up with her conversational leaps. He was definitely missing pieces of the puzzle that led to whatever Rei was currently thinking. There were times Rei could tilt her head and he'd pick up on her entire thought train, this was not one of those times. He could only follow the trails and hope she said something that let him understand.

"Two dates qualify as dating," he reminded her. Rei had asked if it required two or three dates to be considered dating rather than 'going on a date'. Asuka had insisted two was enough as she was definitely dating Hikari. Hikari had insisted that making out in the classroom after school did not qualify just because it was outside the house and Asuka owed her another proper date. Then many more, just to make sure.

"Two?" 

So Rei didn't know about the second. Which admittedly was done much more quietly, and somewhat more effectively once he knew what was going on. Megumi had sulked and Chihiro had been grounded for over a month, so they might not have actually told Rei. There was almost certainly an attack in that time, he only got breaks that long by being goo. He hadn't told Rei because he thought she'd be upset about him kissing Chihiro, even if it was in a good cause and she had helped arrange it. Even if Chihiro had run inside afterwards so she could throw up in the bathroom rather than in the bushes, which would have ruined the effect and possibly what there was of his self confidence. He was wrong about a lot of things, Rei's reactions being one of them, Chihiro's willingness to go to ridiculous lengths for Megumi was not.

"Yes. She's happily married to her childhood sweetheart, whose father is a puddle of goo and can't interfere, not that we'd let him. So I think she's achieved her objective."

"She has not given you an orgasm."

Not directly no, but he had an imagination, and hands. Not that he was going to admit to that, even to Rei. Thankfully, as much as she teased him, Chihiro had never asked because she'd see the guilt on his face and be absolutely merciless, even if she was the one putting thoughts of Megumi in his head to start with. The thinking part of his brain caught up with Rei.

"Persuade. Not seduce." Megumi attempting to drape herself on him to get his attention probably hadn't helped Rei's confusion over what she was doing. German was so much clearer about these things - he'd learned pieces of it in self defense, Asuka had a habit of mixing languages when she was emotional. "Ich liebe dich, shitteru to omottetanoni."  He wasn't going to think about that particular conversation right now however. 

"Hai."

So, one years old misconception cleared up, how many more to go?

"Does this have anything to do with you not making them a garden?"

"Vaginal secretions."

He sighed. Eventually he might work out the right question. At least he had an idea on this one.

---

Shinji returned with a glass of water for them both. Long conversations could be dehydrating, they'd sweated enough during the day, and he'd needed a few minutes to think. Rei was sitting up in his bed, she hadn't bothered to either get her own sleepwear or borrow any of his, even though she'd had time she apparently didn't have the inclination. He handed her her glass and put his own down long enough to take his damp t-shirt off - this looked like it was going to be a high skin contact night whenever they actually got to sleep.

"If you want to tell them about your biology, there's no one to object. They won't say anything if you ask them not to."

He was confident in that at least. There had been more than one occasion where he'd had to tell them that it was alright to admit that he'd told them something and not act like it was a surprise. Once to each other. They took secrets seriously, they'd had to, even if they'd completely failed to hide how they felt about each other from most of the class. 

"You enjoy it."

That was true. He enjoyed Chihiro's frustration on the subject of Rei almost as much as she enjoyed his on other things. Not that it actually caused problems in their friendship, they just had carefully negotiated areas of privacy, doubt and uncertainty, and the occasional free-for-all when they got going.

"Not to the point of causing you distress. Not if it interferes with your friendship."

"I do that myself."

"Did something happen with Megumi?" They seemed alright, as far as he could tell. Megumi had thanked Rei, not him, for getting cuddles.

"Before."

She didn't give him a date and time. Which meant before meant... no wonder she didn't want to talk about it.

"Do you want to tell me?"

"I asked her if I could taste Chihiro's secretions. Her fingers were covered. I could smell them. Every day. After lunch. After washing. In your lap. I was curious. That body did not produce its own. Alone. When you kissed me. Megumi avoided me. Chihiro went on your date."

Well, that was a different mess than the one he was expecting.

He was glad he hadn't known Megumi smelled of her girlfriend's pussy when she tried to persuade him to go on a date with Chihiro. He hadn't learned to recognise that particular smell until after Hikari had moved in. Noticing it on Megumi would have been even more awkward than noticing it on Hikari. He'd certainly have been too embarrassed to actually go on the date, even if these days he could just tease them about it. Someone other than Rei would have had quite a different reaction than curiosity, but Rei was probably the only one with a good enough sense of smell to notice in the first place. Hearing was another matter entirely, any one of the few people who braved the upper floor knew how loud Megumi could scream. For such a small girl, she had a powerful set of lungs. He mentally filed the fact that Rei used to masturbate in the box labeled "things not to talk about unless she brings them up" and the speculation about what Chihiro smelled like in the one labeled "things not to think about ever" alongside the resurfaced memory of Asuka's scent. At least with them having their own bathroom he didn't have to deal with that anymore.

"I could not ask Doctor Akagi what was wrong with my body. Why my sexual arousal patterns were abnormal."

Right. Father would hear. He probably would not have replaced her. Not unless she actually died. But Rei didn't know that then, she just accepted the fact as part of her existence. She certainly couldn't have asked him. He wouldn't have known either, he hadn't known about her biology and origins at that point, he certainly couldn't have talked about it even if he'd been as familiar with girls' bodies as he was now.

"You asked Chihiro. Megumi misunderstood."

"I find Chihiro aesthetically pleasing and good company. She is not of sexual interest."

"You probably should have started with that last one."

"Hai."

Rei put her empty glass down and settled back into bed.

"They understand my body is different. My mind is different. My relationships are different."

Obviously not everything, even Chihiro wasn't that good at hiding things. Probably Rei had just asked them what she specifically wanted to know about bodily reactions. That conversation in itself would probably have made it clear that Rei's mind did not work anything like Chihiro's did, and Megumi wasn't that different, just less perverse.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Chihiro will be disappointed. I do not wish to upset Umi-chan."

Puzzle pieces. He loved Rei in ways a degree in gender studies and metaphysical biology still wouldn't give him the words for. Even so it still took him a while to slot everything into place. He wrapped his arms around her while he thought.

"If you make them a garden, Megumi will notice things grow differently when you plant them. She'll ask questions. When you explain, Chihiro will be disappointed to discover you are part alien and not actually a Kami. Her curiosity may be satisfied but knowing would be unsatisfying."

"Hai."

He tilts her chin up and kisses her nose, "You're wrong. She'll be fascinated. She's going to ask questions for days. She's going to annoy Megumi by asking for explanations because she doesn't understand some technical point that Megumi has no problem with. Megumi will grumble but she'll be loving every minute. Chihiro is probably going to decide that definitely makes you a Kami anyway."

"Oh."

"You will want to consider which questions you will answer."

"Hai," Rei agreed thoughtfully. "Can I have some kisses with my cuddles tonight?"

"Of course," as if he'd refuse her anything she asked, as if she'd ask anything he wasn't willing to do for her.

"Good. You reminded me I enjoy them. You need practice if you are going to persuade Umi-chan to have your children."

Shinji blinked. Rei looked up at him with that smile that had caused him to kiss her the first time.

---

'Kisses and Cuddles' was what she asked for, kisses and cuddles is what she got.

Though If anyone had needed practice, it hadn't been him. Rei had started out kissing him so tentatively that if he hadn't known otherwise he might have doubted their lips were even touching. If it hadn't been them it might have been as awkward and tentative as their first kiss. She'd spent five minutes lying on him with him holding her while she gave darting kisses that lasted barely half a second, half of which would have been considered misses if it had been anyone other than Rei. She spent an indeterminate amount of time with her lips firmly on his and squirming. Eventually she settled on how she used to kiss him, soft and gentle.

In between she got all the cuddles she wanted, which normally might have left him time to think. Rei cuddles usually calmed the parts of his mind that reared their ugly heads when he tried to sleep, which often meant he dealt with some of the worst with her asleep in his arms. There were probably better ways, but there were certainly worse. Between Rei being actively cuddly and the sometimes sudden and predictable-only-because-he-felt-her-move kisses he wasn't getting any thinking done. Which meant he still had absolutely no idea how Rei had gotten from 'no garden they'll notice' to 'Megumi should have your babies'. Then again, he wasn't sure any amount of thinking could manage that.

---

It might have been hours later, Rei could have told him how long if she wasn't fast asleep with one arm and one leg draped across him, her slow breath warm on his skin. He was still awake, almost as comfortable as she seemed to be, but awake.

He'd thought about Megumi for a while, failing to reach anything close to the conclusion Rei had. ChiChi teased him when they were alone, but half of that was just because she enjoyed it and half was flaunting her wife knowing he'd respect their firm boundaries. One of the dangers about thinking about anyone too long, especially anyone he knew, anyone he cared about, is that he'd remembered things he'd rather not. He'd rather remember Megumi laughing while dancing with her wife, idly braiding and unbraiding Chihiro's hair as they talked, or draped across his shoulders trying to persuade his confused younger self to go on a date with her girlfriend. Not naked in his arms, smelling of blood and salt as he carried her out of the ocean, breathing but panicked and unaware of her surroundings. He spent a while calming himself back down by stroking slow circles across Rei's bare skin and listening to her breathe.

Rei's hair was dry and soft under his fingers. When it was this short it didn't take long to dry. He ran his fingers through it, it was shorter than it was when they met, slightly longer than Maya's had been at the time. Short or long, Rei would be cute or beautiful or both, it was the intermediate stage she'd hit in a week or so when she reminded him of the vague memories he had of his mother that were uncomfortable. He knew why of course, and Rei was Rei but if she had decided she liked kissing again, and she definitely seemed to have been enjoying herself, he'd have to ask her to wait. She might be soft and gentle and very unlike Kodama after she'd said 'No, I meant it like this,' but it definitely wasn't motherly and he didn't need an additional layer of complication to his emotions. The only time he ever wanted to be thinking about Rei and motherhood is if she was one, and he'd rather be thinking about Kodama or even Maya, it was far less complicated.

The strands of her hair were neat and even, which meant Rei hadn't just hacked it off as she did once when it got tangled. He sighed into her hair. Megumi had started out doing Chihiro's hair because she didn't want anyone she didn't know touching her girlfriend. Now she traded doing it for breakfast, or the dresses she and Chihiro had worn to the wedding, or whatever exchange was useful without it becoming a job. So of course she did Rei's. Which would take less than a month to be as long as her own and perhaps two if Rei let it grow long enough to sit on again, or just stay long enough to reach where his other hand rested on her lower back for months with no more than the occasional split end he'd trim while braiding her hair. Megumi's only surprise was going to be what kind of not-entirely-human Rei was.

He ran his fingers down her back, she was finally cooling down from her strenuous bouts of cuddling. As cool as Rei got anyway, her body temperature ran higher than his own until she was deep asleep.

Maya on the other hand had been cool, her body temperature lower than Rei's even when she was sandwiched between himself and Kodama. Her hands cool on his skin when she got up. Even Kodama had been warmer and she'd frequently tried to get him to keep her warm, and not with entirely ulterior motives. Maybe Maya really had been cold, the night air had been cool, her nipples had been hard against his back when she sat up to put something on. He made a mental note to make sure she had extra blankets if she ever visited again. Rei was only that cold when she'd just gotten out of the shower in the summer, or the snow in winter. At least her fingers didn't get cold the way Asuka's did and he only ended up with two sets of icy fingers on him.

Maybe he should take Maya up on her offer and take everyone up there. Rei would win the snowball fight. Hikari and Asuka could warm up in the hot springs rather than by putting their hands under his shirt. Maya could tell him she didn't like boys. His life could go back to being slightly simpler. Maybe Maya would decide she liked Kodama, there was certainly a lot to like and they had seemed to get on well even before Rei's cuddle pile. Then two more people would be happy, he could be happy for them and he wouldn't have to worry about Kodama so much.

Eventually Rei's quiet breathing, warmth and soft hair under his fingers gradually calmed him enough to sleep.

 

Notes:

"Ich liebe dich, shitteru to omottetanoni." "I love you" (German) "I thought you knew that" (Japanese, machine translation english -> kanji -> romanji, so let me know if I got that wrong).

just less perverse not a typo, Megumi may or may not be more perverted, Chihiro is more deliberately perverse, frequently for the sake of playfully irritating Shinji.

Chapter 15: Breakfast (and dessert) in Bed

Summary:

2020, Mid Autumn

"Good Morning wife," called Asuka cheerfully as she carried breakfast into the bedroom.

Hikari opened her eyes slowly, "Are you ever going to get tired of calling me that, I do have a name."

"No. Certainly not. Another hundred years and I'll still be happily calling you my wife."

Hikari sleepily reached for Asuka.

"Hey, do you want to be wearing breakfast?"

"If that's a hint for me to ask you to sit on my face, you know what the answer is."

"I meant real food."

"Oh? Is Shinji already up then?"

"Hey. None for you then. I made it myself. Baka and Blau are still in his room, Rei's marked her territory."

"You can't mean the way we did?" asked Hikari in a mix of concern and desire, remembering their first day at the house.

"Those two? Whatever they have it's not that. Anyway, they don't have anywhere near the soundproofing we have and I didn't hear a peep. She just left her nightwear on his doorstep as a 'do not disturb'."

Hikari wipes her eyes, "Naked cuddle monster then. Naked wife? I hope you wore an apron at least. You can apply the burn cream yourself this time if you forgot."

"I'm not that... eeep!" Asuka responded as Hikari kissed her stomach, "At least let me put the food down."

Hikari nuzzled Asuka's pubic hair, "Hmmm. Alright. I'll save this for dessert."

Asuka puts the plates on the bedside table, "I didn't think breakfast came with dessert."

Hikari kissed her arse, literally not figuratively, as she had turned away to put the food down.

Asuka stretched, first upwards to stretch out her arms, then down to touch her toes. That this left her slightly relaxed and totally exposed to Hikari was entirely coincidental. The way rain coincidentally makes you wet if you go out in a rainstorm. She wasn't quite that wet, yet, though if Hikari kept sampling dessert with her lips and tongue she might be.  

"Alright, you were going to feed me breakfast in bed?" Hikari sat up and leaned against the pillows.

"I was going to bring you..." Asuka returned to an upright posture and turned to see Hikari making eyes at her. "Alright, I'll feed you. You'll need to keep your strength up for dessert."

 

 

Notes:

Just some brief WAFF.

Blau - German for Blue in case it wasn't obvious. The Japanese for blue isn't alliterative so Asuka mixed languages once again.

Probably next up (unless I get inspiration or writing prompts otherwise) is Shinji attempting to give The Talk™ to Sakura and Nozomi (because there are even worse options). Still working out what awkward questions they're going to ask, suggestions welcome :)

Chapter 16: Lessons and Other Embarrassments

Summary:

2020, Mid Autumn

In which Shinji is a responsible onii-chan.

He put the cooler on the table, double checked the contents and closed then locked it. Food and medication. He'd done both often enough. He was going to have to get certified on the latter soon, now there was enough organisation to require it. Going back to school when the only battles would be who made dinner would be strange.

First he had to face one of his worst nightmares: two teenage girls.

Worse than that, two normal teenage girls, for some definition of normal anyway. Obviously everyone had gone through the end of the world, and they were related to people who'd been through the worst of it, but they'd done their best to shield them both. At least only one of them had a crush on him. He hoped. If he was really lucky he could go home with one less person unwell enough to be interested in him.

---

"Thanks for doing this, Shin-man."

"You should have done this a few years ago, Hikari was two years younger than they are when she started having sex with Asuka."

"That..."

"If you're about to say 'that doesn't count'," interrupted Shinji, "I'll go and get Asuka and you can tell her that."

Toji gulped, "After we'd been back less than a year? Even you couldn't have done it then."

"I'd probably have made a bigger mess of it than I'm about to, and Hikari probably wouldn't have taken things quite so quickly if she wasn't aware that Asuka might not survive the next attack."

"You left a 'but' out there..."

He had, and of course Toji had noticed.

"Apparently both Hikari's sisters were interested in taking me home after her wedding. Obviously that's not going to happen, but Sakura's not much younger, so they might not actually be going to do anything but I'd rather them be safe if they take after their siblings."

"Hey! I didn't..."

"Drool whenever Misato showed up?" teased Shinji.

Toji glared, but couldn't really rebut that.

"You sure you're up to it?" Toji asked after a moment.

"Of course not, it's a Horaki!" he was smiling, but there was truth in his words.

"Well, I'll see you after I get off work then," Toji patted his shoulder awkwardly, "If you survive."

 

---

"Shinjiiii!" 

He had put the cooler down as a precaution before opening the door.

"Oomphf! Zoomi-chan did you grow again?"

Sakura might have settled down a little, but Nozomi still lived up to her nickname. 

She hugged him tightly, track and field wasn't the only sport she excelled at, "Only in the right places."

Shinji groaned internally, he'd heard that line before. Or something as close as made no difference. Hopefully he would be better than Kaji at this. Which wasn't impossible, Kaji was the better spy, and better at loving Misato. A lot worse at actually telling her so though. That was something he'd made sure to tell her every time he saw her since he carried her out of the red sea, had told her as soon as the blanket he'd wrapped around her warmed her up enough she opened her eyes. No one else was dying without knowing he cared about them. He could cope with the occasional awkwardness to prevent that happening.

He might be able to tell Asuka he loved her in German, that 'liebe' was open to interpretation was irrelevant, they both knew what he meant. Asuka had tried to explain the Greek words which didn't quite have Japanese equivalence, none of those quite fit his relationships either. Hopefully he didn't need to resort to foreign languages to deal with Nozomi's deliberate attempts to misinterpret him.

"What's in the box? Did you bring food?"

"Careful with that. Yes, I brought food. I'll cook for you after the lecture."

"Uh. Oh. Someone's in trouble."

Shinji smiles at Sakura, "You too. Just be thankful it's me, not your brother, or Misato with a bunch of bananas."

"Katsuragi-san? You can't get bananas anymore."

"There's a practical too. Misato made Aunt Asuka and I go through it together when we moved in with her."

He disentangled Nozomi. She had obviously dressed up for the occasion. He resisted the urge to pat her on the head. She would have actually have looked both older and cuter if she'd done her hair in Hikari's old pigtails, but he wasn't dumb enough to mention that out loud. She was a Horaki, he needed every advantage he had.

You could actually get bananas at certain times of the year, but they were small, with weird shapes and colours not suitable for today's tutorial. Or for shipping halfway around the world from where most of them grew. Certainly there weren't country sized plantations filled with clones of a single type of banana just so someone on the other side of the world could have a banana when they wanted one. Those that survived the Second Impact did not survive the Third. No large scale monocultures had. And Rei had a thing about clones. Bananas hadn't stood a chance.

Bats on the other hand. Rei loved bats. Thousands of different species, each occupying different ecological niches. Cute little flying things. Also, he'd later learned, each a terrifying mammal-microbe warzone that spat out diseases at random. There were a few less human diseases in the world, but the world would happily make new ones. 

Which was one of the less fun topics for today. Not that any of them were likely to qualify as fun.

---

"So, a few rules before we start."

"Shinji-sensei is so strict!" laughed Sakura.

"They are for your own good, believe me. First: I will answer any question you have, as long as it does not violate someone's privacy. Second: That means you should not ask any question you are not certain you want the answer to, because I know more about your siblings than you want to. More than I want to. Third: I will not tell anyone about whatever you ask or tell me - I might recommend you do, but I won't. Depending on the topic I can recommend someone appropriate to talk to."

"What if I want to ask you something in private?" That was Nozomi of course.

"Your families trust me with this conversation, which means they also trust me not to let either of you get away with that. You can write it down and I'll respond the same way if you want. You can watch me burn the paper afterwards to make sure no one else knows. Or you can ask one of your sisters, but I have to warn you there's a reason they aren't doing this. The same goes for your brother, Sakura, you know he's there for whatever you need, but I'm told I'm easier to talk to."

Nozomi pouts at him. It might even have worked on him when he was her age, well except for the part where everyone else was orange goo at the time. It certainly worked on Asuka when Hikari tried it, after she'd stopped laughing anyway.

Sakura just nods, she loves her brother but there's some things he's not good with. Certainly not her declaration that she was going to have Shinji's babies. Admittedly she'd been ten at the time and he'd been the cool older boy who saved her from giant monsters with an equally giant robot. Now he was an adult and hurt in ways that she never wanted to understand. Toji had some cool scars that made him look, according to her classmates, hot. Shinji onii-san wore his on the inside where he thought no one could see them. None of that meant she couldn't make fun of her friend for liking him of course.

"And last, unless you cause me to come up with another one, if I want details I'll ask."

'Here's where things get awkward. More awkward.' Shinji thought to himself and refrained from saying out loud, that would make it even worse.

"For example, I'm about to ask you if either of you are sexually active. For the purposes of this question, that means with something other than your own fingers. If it's objects, we'll go over sanitation and why vegetables go in the compost pile and not back in the fridge. If it's girls, we'll go over barriers. If it's boys, we'll go over contraception. I do not want to know who or what, especially if it's each other."

The two girls looked at each other and let out a simultaneous, "Ewww!"

"Just because both your sisters are bisexual doesn't mean you have to be, Zomi," reassured Shinji.

"Kari's married to Aunt Asuka though," responded Nozomi, avoiding what she'd just learned about her oldest sister. She'd heard Aunt Asuka insisting often enough that just because she was married to Hikari that didn't mean she was a lesbian and that monogamous bisexual people existed. Her sister had never objected in the same way, just given them a Hikari look. She wasn't sure if that meant "of course I am, I'm married to a hot woman" or "what my wife just said". She hadn't been about to ask.

"And she's thought Toji was hot since before they met," corrected Shinji.

"No accounting for taste," grins Sakura. Her tone making it clear she's mocking someone, but whether it's Hikari for liking her brother or her friend for liking Shinji is less obvious.

"So liking both doesn't mean anything more than having more people for your friends to laugh at you for," observed Shinji with a smile.

Nozomi huffs.

"And you can change your mind, Asuka was all about scruffy older men until Hikari seduced her."

"She did not!"

"I'll save you the embarrassing stories, but it was definitely that way around."

"Toji only likes girls."

"Yes, and Haru-kun only likes boys and Tanaka-san only likes girls. There's nothing wrong with that either."

"That's not what it looked like!" grumbles Nozomi.

"Things often aren't, especially when it comes to people. She likes to flirt, and she knows it's perfectly safe for her to do so with me. Some people would misunderstand her, as you did. She can't dance like that with her wife, no amount of loving her is ever going to make Aihara-san tall enough."

"Oh. So you're..." Nozomi starts.

"Which brings up an important point," Shinji interrupts, "She could do that because she'd talked to both of us beforehand. Individually to make sure we were willing, then together to make sure everyone understood and agreed. Talking is important, being able to talk and agree before you do things to make sure you are using the same words for the same things and actively want to be doing whatever it is."

"Is that why you didn't marry Aunt Asuka?"
"And won't have sex with Dama?"

Shinji sighed, he should have known this was going too well.

"Yes. Though there's a question as to what counts as sex which we'll get into if we have time. I was going to pick on Toji, but since you asked, those are actually good examples. Asuka and I struggle to find the right words, we get by on shared experiences and lots of effort. But she didn't even notice that I loved her from the moment we met until she brought Hikari home and couldn't understand why I was happy for her."

"Weren't you jealous?" Nozomi asked cautiously.

"Like you are of your sisters?" teased Sakura.

"No. Not with them. The person I loved was happy, that's what mattered to me. Even if I was I wouldn't do anything about it, being friends is far more important." 

"You can do that?" asked Nozomi in confusion, having failed to incinerate Kodama at their sister's wedding only because heated looks didn't actually cause spontaneous combustion. She'd only had one dance with Shinji. Kodama had danced with him for hours.

"I can. Not everyone can though, people are complicated." He had examples, but he didn't have permission to describe the first time he'd carried a semi-conscious Asuka back to the bed she shared with Hikari, or the first time Asuka came home to discover himself and Hikari dishevelled in a pile of pillows. At least that one had been mostly resolved by Rei hitting Asuka in the face with a well aimed cushion.

"What about Kodama, I know you talk to her, and you kiss her even though you're not even dating."

Shinji sighs and is glad Kodama has her own place now, safe from prying younger sisters, "We do talk now, a lot, which is why we're not dating. You aren't getting any details though, the rest is private."

"So what did my stupid brother do?" Sakura rescues them from the awkwardness.

"Made out with a girl."

"Disgusting, but what's wrong with that?"

"They didn't agree on what that meant first. Kissing? Touching over clothing? Under clothing? Above the waist? Below the waist? She thought kissing and running her hands over his chest was fine, but the instant he touched her breast she punched him in the face."

Sakura laughs, "He lost a fight with a girl?"

"It wasn't a fight and it wasn't funny. If they'd talked first, it might have been awkward and uncomfortable, but they also might be happily married. But they'll never know. If Toji hadn't been the person he is, he could have overpowered her and done whatever he wanted. Kodama could do the same to me, so don't assume it's just boys that could be a problem. Or that it couldn't be you being the problem."

"What do you mean?"

"Nozomi, would you like to kiss me?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"No. I don't want you to. Come and sit in my lap."

She frowned at him for a moment, then smiled as she stood up and scurried over enthusiastically, before sitting astride him facing him. It wasn't what he intended, but it was helping prove the point. She was almost as tall as Hikari, definitely taller than Hikari had been at the same age, their faces were almost level, her hands were firm on his shoulders.

He looked at her, "Do you want to?"

She blushed, eyes flicking to meet his then away, "yes."

"What's stopping you?" His voice is gentle but serious. There's a correct answer but he's almost certain she's not considering it, which is the point of this after all, but it's still even more uncomfortable than he'd anticipated.

She leaned forward and he turned his head away so her lips brushed his cheek.

"Make me look at you."

She grabbed his face and turned his head back to face her. She was stronger than she looked and also needed a lesson in being gentle. From someone else, the discomfort was enough of a distraction from the feel of her warm fingers pressing against his jawbone.

"And?" There was definitely a better way of making this point, but she was a baby Horaki, not her oldest sister who had the experience to understand without a demonstration. Not that Kodama wouldn't have tried to take advantage of the situation, the sisters were very alike in that respect. Perhaps a little too alike.

She tried again, and he pushed his head down against her hands so she kissed his forehead.

"Why are you stopping me?" Her face is scrunched into a frown of irritation and confusion, and her voice is somewhere between anger and a childish whine. He lets her tilt his face back up but leans back as she moves her face more cautiously towards him.

"What did I say earlier?" he asks more firmly.

"You asked if I wanted to kiss you, then you told me to come and sit in your lap." She shifted slightly, emphasising she was where he'd asked but backing away in the process, moving closer to his knees, a lot less certain now about pressing herself against him. This wasn't going the way she expected.

"What did I say between those?"

She frowned, trying to remember exactly what he'd said, she'd been a bit distracted by the bit about kissing, "That you didn't want me to. I thought..."

"That I'd changed my mind when I asked you to come over? That I changed my mind when you did? That you could anyway? That one of your sisters wouldn't kill me if I let you?"

"Shit. I'm sorry," she drooped, her shoulders slumping and her expression shifting between embarrassment, fear and concern.

He hugged her then kissed her forehead lightly, "Lesson over, now go back to your seat."

She got up and slowly walked back to the other side of the table.

"You can always say no, you should always take no. It's not always easy, but if you aren't getting "yes please", you have to assume it's a no. You can always say yes later."

"Are you ever going to say yes?"

"I'm going to treat that as if you just said 'Please Sensei, embarrass me further', and don't think you're getting out of this one either Sakura unless I managed to put another woman off boys completely."

Sakura wisely said nothing.

---

Shinji arranged several pre-cut cucumbers on the table in front of them. They looked at them, then at him in confusion.

"Just be thankful this isn't in front of the girl you fell in love with and a beautiful woman who's also your guardian and commanding officer."

He placed the open box of condoms next to them, "Or your older brother handing a half used box of condoms to you and your boyfriend."

The girls looked at them in horror.

"They won't bite. They also won't work except for this exercise. The first thing you do is check the expiration date, and the production date. Those were produced prior to the impact and expired after it. They'd be better than nothing at all, but if you need them and can't get them, you can come to me and I'll get you as many as you need. You're both far too young to have children."

Nozomi looked at him with eyes that said she was more than ready as long as they were his, and a face that looked like she was going to die of embarrassment if he said anything about it.

"And there's some diseases that don't have treatments. I don't want either of you getting ill either," he added in as serious a tone as he could manage.

Sakura was the one to pick the box up and look at it. Nozomi was more cautious after the last lesson. That didn't save her as Shinji handed her the unopened box Hikari had given him in the hope that he'd use them with Kodama. He decided not to share that fact, though he was going to do worse.

"So take them out, they are dated on the wrappers too so you can't mix them up."

"So the cucumbers are for practice?" Nozomi asked as she opened the box carefully.

"Yes. You don't want to get it wrong with the real thing."

Sakura picked one up with the hand that wasn't holding a little square, "Aren't they a little large?"

"I'm sure your brother will be pleased to hear that."

She dropped it with a yelp.

"Actually, larger is easier for practice, but those are close approximations for Toji, myself and Kodama's first boyfriend. So yes, that range of sizes and shapes are fairly normal. Though you might get larger or smaller depending on your partner. Boys your age will tend to be smaller, but not always. Like any other part of anatomy, people are different. Kodama's collection of anatomically correct dildos was destroyed in the Impact, so we'll have to make do with these."

"Cucumbers are fine!" announced Nozomi grabbing the nearest one tightly enough to make Shinji wince.

---

On the third attempt Sakura rolled the condom onto her cucumber smoothly and held it up proudly. Then she realised what she was doing and blushed.

"You said you'd answer anything?"

"Unless it's something private, yes."

"So you're not going to tell Nozomi which one's you?" she needled her friend, who had been trying to work out just how bad asking that would be.

Shinji shakes his head, "What's your actual question?"

"Will it even fit?" 

She had the smallest one, which she was really hoping wasn't her brother's size not that she wanted to think about that. Shinji had been cruel to suggest it, though she kind of understood why. They weren't large as cucumbers went, but they were rather intimidating when she thought about what they were pretending them to be.

"Not necessarily."

Both girls looked at him, surprised he wasn't being reassuring, vainly hopeful he wasn't going to go into details.

"People are different sizes. Sometimes they aren't physically compatible and there's certain things they can't do together or have to be careful with. I picked those out to help illustrate that men are different, but so are women. Some can't take something that long without pain, others can't relax enough, sometimes it takes a long time and their partner can't last long enough, sometimes they don't produce enough lubrication to accept anything at all comfortably."

"You must have had a lot of girlfriends to know all that," accuses Nozomi.

Shinji shakes his head. Technically he'd only ever dated one person, a fact that ChiChi found absolutely hilarious. Also technically Rei had fit fifty meters of him inside her, the symbolism of which even he couldn't miss. He didn't get hung up on technicalities. And things were far more complex than it was a good idea to think about right now.

Admitting to none of this, what he actually says is, "I just talk to people as we are doing now. Sometimes I learn something that helps the next person I talk to. It's embarrassing sometimes, but it's worth it to help someone."

---

"I could just take my dress off," Nozomi pointed out as she attempted to roll her sleeve up far enough.

"You could also be grounded for the next three years if I told your father you said that."

Getting hold of the vaccines had been uncomfortably easy. Preventative medicine was a high priority, even more so when the facilities for dealing with disease were limited. Some were easier than others, but the window between puberty and first sexual activity was often a lot narrower than most parents liked to think. At least most of those he had to deal with himself didn't think the second of those was "never" while simultaneously wanting grandchildren sooner than was safe for anyone involved.

Sakura was simple, she was wearing a fairly sensible t-shirt that wasn't quite heavy enough to hide that she was wearing a bra under it. Which wouldn't really have registered if it wasn't for Nozomi trying to find excuses to show him that she wasn't wearing one under her dress.

"Is it going to hurt?" asked Nozomi as she held her sleeve out of the way.

"Not this one," Shinji responded as he dropped the needle in the protective box and placed a plaster over the injection site. This one had characters from some cartoon he didn't recognise on it and was from his stash of pre-Impact supplies that were still good. He had the ones with dinosaurs hidden away carefully for when Asuka managed to cut herself on pipes or wires or whatever she was up to.

"Oh," responded Nozomi, who had been too preoccupied to actually notice, "Which ones do?"

"The birth control ones apparently require a slightly wider needle. I can't give you those, you need to see a doctor."

"How do you know? They don't do one for boys do they?" Sakura asked while Nozomi looked at anything but Shinji.

"They don't. For boys they have a choice of those," and he gestured to the pile of wrappers, latex and rather squished looking cucumbers, "or a very small operation that's generally permanent. Someone who's had both told me about the needle size, but you don't get to ask who."

Sakura looked over at her friend and rubbed the spot on her own arm that was covered with a plain plaster.

"What about boys who won't use those? I overheard some of the older girls at school talking."

"Then the boys don't care about their girlfriends at all."

Sakura's brows furrowed and she carefully didn't look at Nozomi, it was one thing to tease her, but this was a sensitive topic, "Even if they love them?"

"If someone stabbed you with a knife, would you still say they loved you?" There were cases where they might. That wasn't the point he was making and he hoped neither of them were ever in a position where killing someone they loved was the best option they had.

"No! Why would you ask something like that?"

"The vaccine I just gave you was for a disease that could kill you. Pregnancy can be fatal, and even if it isn't you'll be growing a person you'll be responsible for for most of your life. Some diseases can be treated but leave you scarred. If someone isn't going to make a small effort to keep you safe from that, they don't care about you. They might not even know, or it might be something that doesn't affect them but does affect you. So you can't always tell by looking or asking."

"Oh."

"So if they aren't willing to keep you safe they either mean to hurt you or don't care enough to learn how not to. You don't want to be with someone like that, no matter how cute you think they are."

"You're going tell us who we are allowed to date too then?"

Shinji shakes his head, "I'm trying to give you enough information you can make that decision yourself. You can't give informed consent if you aren't informed. But I'm not your parent, I'm not going to tell you what you can and can't do. If you find someone you want to have sex with and cares about you, well your sister and Aunt Asuka were waking me up in the middle of the night before they were your age."

Shinji regretted that as soon as Nozomi's expression went from disgust to bright eyed and he interrupted her as soon as she started to open her mouth.

"Yes, I care about you. No, I don't in the way you want me to. I'm sorry." He sighs at her crestfallen face, "Which I expect to have to say again because you're as beautiful and stubborn as your sisters."

Sakura opens her mouth to tease her friend and then closes it again when Shinji gives her a look and she quells for a moment before trying to be reassuring.

"Zomi, think of it like this, you already know what you like, anyone who wants to date you has to be better. So you're going to find someone good."

Nozomi nods quietly, not reassured that there could be anyone better for her. She might be single for the rest of her life. Beautiful and stubborn, huh? He'd forgotten smart. She'd have to come up with something her sister hadn't thought of. 

---

"Shin-man, what did you say to my sister to make her not able to look at me?"

Nozomi had taken one look at Toji, blushed deep enough to hide her freckles and dashed off to get changed. 

Sakura had greeted him politely but refused to look at his face, turning several shades of red that weren't entirely masked by her darker complexion, before going after her friend despite her protestations.

"I might have mentioned that one of those," he gestured to the table where several rather squished looking cucumbers and one still almost concealed in a condom, "was your size."

Toji frowned.

"At least I didn't use the one Asuka suggested," smiled Shinji, pulling out one no bigger than his thumb. You could, in fact, do quite a lot with something that size if you thought more about your partner than yourself, but Shinji knew his friend wouldn't take it that way. He made a mental note to include a wider size range next time. He hadn't known humans came in such a wide variety, Japanese school biology didn't exactly cover things like the man with two children, one testicle, an ovary and a uterus, even when it covered biology at all. Rei's breakfast conversation, or sleepy cuddle time babble, was far more wide ranging.

"She should have sunk that aircraft carrier, I never want to see one again," grumbled Toji.

"No risk of that happening any time soon. Unfortunately, no risk of her forgetting when she wants to tell embarrassing stories about you either," Shinji responded as he started cleaning up. The girls' questions had gone on quite a bit longer than he'd allocated. Apparently a smaller group allowed for more openness, unless it was just these two trying to outdo each other trying to find something he wouldn't answer.

"I promised the girls food once we were done. I won't bother asking if you're hungry," he smiled at Toji, whose appetite was one of the constants of the universe. The girls would turn up once they smelled food and eating would dispel some of the awkwardness, in the meantime he could cook and catch up with his friend.

Notes:

The vaccination is based on the HPV vaccine which is generally mild unless you have a cervix in which case it can cause cancer. It's widespread in the human population, but you do not have to have hit puberty to have the vaccine, so get it if you are eligible or your children (of any gender) if you have any.

Chapter 17: Mayday, Mayday, Mayday

Summary:

2020, December

It's months after the wedding and Asuka has been acting strangely for weeks, then Hikari wakes up to find her wife missing from their bed.

Notes:

This is the start of the Angst & Revelations arc that was originally planned for chapter 2. It gets messy.

Hikari stood in the doorway with tears streaming down her face.
The room was silent. It should have been full of the sound of her heart breaking.

If it had just been the light from the hallway illuminating the sheen of sweat on her wife's back. If it had just been the way his arm wrapped around her to cup her breast. If it had just been the way her leg was thrown over him. If it had just been the relaxed post-coital expression on his face.

Then she could have yelled and screamed and stormed out.

They needed each other, she knew that, even when they didn't seem to. There were things they couldn't tell her. Nerv secrets that could have gotten her killed like Kaji-san. Experiences that there were no words for. Nightmares she only heard about when he carried Asuka back to their bed, waking her in the middle of the night. Days Asuka had paced holes in the apartment floor while he was in hospital after a particular disastrous fight. Nights Asuka had cried herself to sleep in her arms. The painful weeks after Asuka brought him home with his mind shattered, when he did nothing but go through the motions, but the motions always included taking care of Asuka even if sometimes he forgot she existed. PenPen would have starved if she hadn't been there watching helplessly.

All that she could deal with, hard as it was.

This. This combination of the two. This left her torn to shreds.

---

Asuka had been increasingly volatile over the last few days. Ignoring her all day then stripping her naked and kissing every little piece of skin she could reach, using tongue and fingers to touch places her lips couldn't. There were pieces of clothing well beyond any hope of repair. She had insisted on going shopping with Shinji and then berated him for forgetting something she hadn't put on the list. She had not said a word all day, then pinned her against the wall like they were back in school the instant Rei followed Shinji out of the room. Rei had said more to her yesterday than Asuka. Possibly more to Asuka as well if there had been some indecipherable meaning in the glances they exchanged.

"It's nothing," Asuka had claimed when it was very obviously something.

She just hadn't expected the something to be finding her wife naked in bed with their best friend. Probably naked. The faint light from the hallway was not enough to show if Asuka was wearing anything under the sheet that obscured their lower bodies. She hadn't been when Hikari had fallen asleep, she'd insisted Hikari wasn't either. Much worse, it looked like he was also naked. At this point he'd seen all of them at one time or another, but she'd still never seen him. It looked like she was the only one. There was no one to carry her to bed to hide from the creators of this new nightmare.

"Zeruel."

She pulled her eyes away to find Rei's red ones studying her. It might be the faint light being reflected, they might actually be glowing in the dark. She was curled up on Shinji's chair in the corner, her arms wrapped around her legs, which were tucked into one of Shinji's t-shirts with the rest of her. Her cryptic declaration had not helped in the slightest, but maybe, just maybe, if Rei was here there was some other possible explanation. There had to be a reason Rei was there.

"The bed is not large enough."

She took a step into the room. Ripping their throats out would be merciful compared to the dark thoughts racing unbidden through her mind, chasing down the pain and betrayal. Rei watched her, seemingly completely unperturbed. Perhaps her tears and fury were hidden in shadow. Rei couldn't have missed her body language.

"In the absence of senses or equipment capable of verifying the integrity of an AT field, extensive skin contact is a viable substitute."

"How extensive?" It wasn't so much asked as growled, she needed to know how painful their deaths were going to be. Or her own. She still clung to a faint hope this wasn't going to destroy her entirely, but it was fading rapidly under her anger and grief.

"Asuka performed yours. I performed Shinji's. My reassurance was insufficient or her somnambulism would not have brought her here again."

"What?" Hikari managed. The words had barely registered but their implications dug into her grief and fear with desperation.

"Pilot Ikari was declared unrecoverable at 3:12 am on December 12th 2015. It is 3:37 am."

Hikari squeezes her eyes shut tightly. None of this is happening.

"Pilot Soryu physically assaulted Evangelion Unit Zero-One at 4:18 am."

"What?"

"Pilot Soryu physically assaulted Pilot Ikari at 4:26 am."

"Make sense Rei or he's not the only one who's going to be assaulted."

"Asuka's unconscious fear is irrational."

"Rei..."

"I will stop you if you attempt to hurt them. Please do not make this necessary. If you find it necessary to hurt another living entity I am available."

"What the fuck Rei!?" Asuka's favourite swear word slipped out of her mouth unbidden, unnecessarily and all too appropriately.

"No fucking or any other form of sexual interaction has taken place between them."

Hikari gestures at the bed angrily, "They're naked."

"Yes."

"In bed."

"Yes."

"And you're telling me nothing happened?"

"Several things happened. None of them involved sexual intercourse."

"I suppose you were here the whole time."

"Since Shinji came to bed? Yes. I moved to the chair before Asuka opened the door. I put on clothing when I heard you approaching. Asuka has not woken since she arrived. Shinji has woken three times. Once to restore circulation in his arm. Once to confirm my presence. Once to ask me to request you bring Asuka some underwear if you arrived before she woke."

Hikari opened her mouth, realised she had no fucking clue what to say and closed it again.

"She is your wife."

That was Rei's absolute certainty tone. Hikari wasn't as sure. Not after this. Not with Asuka not telling her what was going on.

"She does not know."

"You were at the wedding Rei. I think she knows. I thought she did."

"She does not know what she is afraid of."

"And you do?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"She is your wife."

"She's afraid of being married to me?"

"She is not his wife. She is afraid that next time he will have no reason to return. She is afraid if she cannot see him he will stop existing. She is afraid her love for you has consumed her ability to love him enough to keep him in the world. She is afraid that if he can stop loving her so can you. There is no Evangelion rear plating for her to break her foot against. If your AT field collapses in front of her again I cannot bring you back a third time. There is nothing she can do and that frightens her most of all."

"So she buries it so far down she doesn't have to acknowledge it. That's so..."

"Asuka."

"I was going to go with 'frustrating', but that works."

Hikari looks over at the bed. If it wasn't for the fact that it was Shinji's bed and her wife was naked and lying on him in a way that they could be interlocked in ways she found it all too easy to imagine, it might even have been reassuring. That Shinji was a vital part of Asuka's support system, of her support system. If only she had a gram or two of Shinji's compersion and not the jealousy raging through her.

"Does he know?"

"Not all the things I do. Not all the things I told you. Some things I do not."

"How could he?"

"Have you tried moving Asuka when she did not wish to be moved?" Rei answered one of the many ways that question could have been interpreted.

Hikari slept on top of Asuka most of the time and not the other way around for good reason.

"What now?"

"We have thirty one minutes eighteen seconds before I may have to intervene to prevent Asuka causing permanent damage. If you are willing to leave the room, I recommend you retrieve panties, a front closing bra, a shirt and a glass of water. I advise against any attempt to wake them."

Hikari turned to go before she did something she would definitely regret rather than almost certainly do.

"You may wish to dress before they wake."

---

Hikari returned with Asuka's clothing and Rei's water.

She was still angry. Her wife and her best friend were still asleep, despite all the noise she had made. Rei was still curled up on Shinji's chair watching them. That t-shirt was never going to fit Shinji again.

"It's not about the sex."

Rei remained silent. She may have been talking to a wall for all the effect her words seemed to have.  It might not be possible to actually make the situation worse, but if she didn't say something she was going to explode.

"Alright, not just about the thought of them having sex. They look so peaceful. Like they belong together. As if I'm just an extra that's in the way. They could have talked to me. Told me what was going on. Told me I wasn't needed."

"You are wrong."

Hikari looked up at Rei.

"They are not peaceful. If the pain stopped they would think they were back in Instrumentality. Asuka is developing a bruise on her back over her lower three ribs. I have an identical one on my side. They do not belong together in the way you meant. None of us can escape. You are not extra. You are essential. They cannot talk to each other. It is one of the fundamental flaws in their relationship. Asuka does talk to you. More than he talks to anyone. Even me." 

Rei's voice has dropped to barely above a whisper. There are things she cannot say because there are no words in any language she knows. There are things she cannot say because even now there are pieces of her that follow the rules. There are things she cannot say because she has given her word. There are things she should not say. There are things she does not want to say because it hurts too much.

"He loves you."

Hikari makes a noise somewhat like a strangled mouse.

"He loves you for choosing to love Asuka. For being able to leave and deciding not to. For accepting Asuka loving you. This is why she hates him."

Hikari looks at Rei. Then at the bed containing the subject of their conversation. Then back at Rei.

"Language is insufficient."

Hikari grunted in agreement.

---

There was no need for intervention. The pair in the bed did not move. The girl in the chair did not move.

Hikari managed not to pace. That was Asuka's habit. Asuka who was lying naked with Shinji's arms around her. 

If she were willing to leave she could have utterly failed to distract herself doing the housework that Shinji hadn't left any of to do. 
Instead she stood against the wall with the grief settling into her stomach and only her thoughts for company waiting for them to wake.

It would have been simpler if they'd fucked each other's brains out. She would have a reason to storm out. Sharp anger to cauterise her wounds. No one would blame her. Except herself. Even in her pain and distress she knew it would be an excuse. She needed him too, not the way... she swallowed ... not the way her wife did. She was fairly sure Shinji and Rei hadn't had sex, if in fact they had not, because they didn't need to. 

Asuka on the other hand. Asuka still didn't know how to express herself. Shinji wasn't much better. If they just talked to her. To each other. Her heart wouldn't be broken. There wouldn't be a dark bruise spreading across Asuka's fair skin. She should be mad at him for that too. She could see Asuka's fingers digging into his shoulder, the shadows hiding what was almost certainly a similar bruise if her nails hadn't sliced into his skin. They inflicted just as much pain on each other. It hadn't even woken them.

Chapter 18: Mornings and Other Causes of Distress

Summary:

2020, December

Shinji woke to find a naked Asuka in his arms.

Of course it was Asuka, even without the familiar discomfort, her weight as she lay half on him, the .. it was an Asuka. Who was naked, because the hand that wasn't on her back holding her in place was resting where her panties should have been. She'd been acting strangely for a couple of weeks and even more so the last one.

He was really hoping she'd sleepwalked again and she was naked because she'd not gotten dressed after wearing Hikari out last night. That lasted until he opened his eyes and saw Hikari's exhausted tear stained face resting against Rei's knees. At least Rei was wearing something as she sat curled up in the chair stroking Hikari's hair.

He moved his hand up and poked Asuka gently in the side, "Asuka, wake up."

"Hikari?" Asuka mumbled sleepily, then a moment later and a lot more awake, "Baka Shinji! You're still here!"

"Where else would I..." 

He didn't get to finish his question as Asuka dug her fingers deeper into his shoulder, pulled herself along until she was staring into his eyes, then clamped her lips over his.

He froze. He froze the way he did the first time she did that. The only time until this moment. At other points in his life the idea of a naked Asuka in his bed kissing him, and the part of his brain that wasn't completely stunned noted she was a lot better at it now, would have been a wonderful dream. Right now it was a nightmare. One he was unfortunately already awake for.

She had him pinned down, the easiest way to get out of this would be to roll over. That was probably the worst possible thing he could do under the circumstances - the direction he had any leverage in would leave him lying on top of her at Hikari's feet. The alternative wasn't much better, but he managed to push her away without either of them ending up on the floor or Asuka's knee pressing any higher. For an absurd moment all he could think was that it would have been easier the first time when she was taller.

"Asuka, stop!"

Asuka stared at him. He stared back, studying the flecks in her increasingly wide eyes. It really was her.  

Then she looked away and he looked down, which was not one of his better ideas as he got to watch Asuka's blush slowly spread down to the peaks of her breasts as they hung between them.

"Fuck!" Asuka climbed off him, leaving the sheet behind and ending up sprawled naked next to him on the bed. "Fuck."

Several pieces of clothing crossed his line of sight and hit Asuka.

"Get dressed. Both of you. You have a lot of explaining to do," and Hikari left the room in a motion that should have come with a dramatic swirl of clothing but did not.

Asuka sat up and buried her face in the t-shirt. It smelled of Hikari.

"fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. Fuck!" Asuka's voice rose until not even the shirt that smelled of her possibly-not-wife-anymore could muffle her cries.

 

---

He didn't know what to do. Under any other circumstances he could hold Asuka and stroke her hair until she calmed down. If they'd woken up alone he could have carried her back to Hikari. If either one of them had been wearing anything at all. If Asuka hadn't kissed him like that. At least the one thing Hikari thought had happened hadn't. He knew that. Rei knew that. Asuka... shit.

"We didn't."

Asuka lifted her head and wiped her face with the t-shirt, then seemed to remember that she was sitting naked in Shinji's bed and slipped it over her head.

"Didn't what?"

"Engage in any form of mutual sexual activity," answers Rei from where she is sitting with her knees tucked under her chin.

Shinji looks over at her.

"Your leg had a small damp spot. I covered you with a sheet before Hikari arrived. Asuka was dreaming of her," Rei replied.

Well, that explained the sheet. 

The rest of his thought was interrupted as Asuka dove back across the bed and ripped the sheet away, then proceeded to poke and prod at his legs, one and then the other, running her hands over his skin. Then she bent and sniffed him. At least it was just an Asuka and his only reaction to her breathing on his inner thigh was panic about Hikari returning and misinterpreting whatever Asuka was actually doing, which would look even worse from the doorway than it did from his perspective.

Asuka sat back up, using his stomach as leverage and looked relieved. Whatever she'd been looking for wasn't there. He might risk asking her later, when he wasn't lying naked on the bed in front of her, when he couldn't see a tuft of red under the edge of her t-shirt. He grabbed the edge of the sheet and pulled it back over himself so at least one of them was covered.

Rei had said she'd gotten the sheet before Hikari arrived. Which meant she'd been watching both of them between whenever she'd gotten up, which must have been no later than when Asuka crawled into the bed, and then. Rei seeing him was a frequent enough occurrence that he'd gotten used to it.  Rei insisting on being able to see all of him had been bearable if a little chilly, and somewhat better than the physical examination she'd subjected him to every night for over a week. Asuka was another matter. 

He closed his eyes in the moment between when he felt her start to move and when she lifted her leg to climb over him. There were things he didn't need to see, especially this morning. What he needed was time to think and someone to tell him what was going on. Other than the surface level disaster that is. There was no point asking Asuka - if she'd been able to communicate whatever it was they wouldn't be in this mess. If she'd been thinking she wouldn't have kissed him. He hadn't even been able to enjoy it.

He tried to ignore the sound of Asuka finishing getting dressed and waited until he heard the door close behind her before sitting up.

"I will return with medical supplies."

Well that answered one question at least. Rei cleaning whatever damage Asuka had done would probably hurt far more than getting it. Something he didn't recall at all.

---

Shinji is still sitting staring at the closed door, listening to Hikari slamming around the kitchen and having even less answers than he had when he woke up, when Rei sat on the bed behind him and opened one of the small first aid kits. That he could tell them apart by sound probably said something he didn't have the capacity to worry about right now. At least it wasn't the light surgery one, he wasn't sure Rei would bother with anesthetic before stitching him up today.

He was prepared for sudden pain as she treated the wounds, not for the light touch of her hands, fingers brushing across his shoulder, palm stroking down his arm until she slid across just under his ribs. She sat like that for a long moment, fingers stroking his skin, the rest of her hand pressed against him motionless.

Then she kissed his shoulder lightly, the one that wasn't starting to hurt, and started unpacking what she needed. Calm, precise, almost silent. She was annoyed at him for some reason that was unlikely to be the same one Hikari was. Unless something had changed since the last time she'd suggested he spend the night with someone, and if it had she would have told him. 

She didn't give him any time to ponder that possibility as his thoughts were once more interrupted by her hands on his skin. This time her fingers went the other way, caressing his skin until she reached the injury. He clenched involuntarily as she gently, firmly, lovingly reopened the wound.

"Be still. You are not bleeding enough."

Easier said than done. The being still part anyway. He caught a whiff of the disinfectant a moment before it dripped down his skin and into the open wound.

"Asuka was distressed," Rei said as she gently cleaned around the wound. 

That was obvious and he tried to hold still while he waited for her to explain. Her hands were firmer and she'd paused to inspect him closely - her breath warm across his skin - between washing the scratches out multiple times.

"She did not wash her hands sufficiently. Hikari's vaginal bacteria do not belong under your skin."

He hadn't needed to know that. Not that he'd smelled Hikari this time, but he had been a little distracted and Rei had the better sense of smell. Not that he hadn't gathered supplies for yeast infections before. He knew the biology better than some of the women he'd helped. Obviously he knew they had sex, frequently. Just right now, with the memory of an angry naked Hikari, and the memory of Asuka's kiss, and Rei caressing open the wounds Asuka had left on his body, he really didn't need to be thinking about that. His mind had enough problems to deal with.

Rei kissed his uninjured shoulder again, "One more."

The last one was more scrape than gouge and Rei was both tender and inconsiderate of any pain she was causing as she cleaned and dried the damage. Once she was done, the gauze pad went on quickly and efficiently and the remaining supplies packed up.

He was about to get up and get dressed, there was no point in waiting for Rei to leave to do the same, he couldn't hear Hikari or Asuka, which was more concerning than if they'd been screaming at each other. At least they'd be communicating if they were doing that. He gets nowhere as Rei places her hand on his wounded shoulder and swings around to drop into his lap.

He starts to open his mouth to ask something, hopefully it will be helpful when he hears what he says, but she kisses him before. Slowly softly at first, then firmly, exploratively, until his brain finally catches up and realises she's almost but not quite doing exactly what Asuka did.  

He pushes her away gently and looks at her face. She shakes her head and runs her fingers up the side of his neck until she is holding his head, fingers running through his hair and stroking his ears. Then she kisses him again, hungrily, urgently, gently, forcefully, and if it had been anyone else at all, possessively,  her own complex emotions expressed in touch.

He has no idea how long it is until she relents, pulling away, panting softly and letting her hands trail slowly down his arms until her fingers twine between his.

"Rei?" he manages.

"I missed you. I did not understand. You did not return. I did not consider the option of physically attacking 01. I was not there to greet you. I would have been gentler than Asuka. I could not see you. They took you away. Home was not home. You were still not there. It was more days before you were. Now. I was not concerned until Asuka was. She sees things I do not. Sometimes they are not there. I attempted reassurance. It was insufficient for either of us."

He kisses her back, just a light acceptance, "I'm here. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried."

"I do not wish to."

There were voices again from the kitchen by the time they stopped holding each other.

 

---

Hikari drops a cup in front of Asuka, barely managing not to spill the contents.

"Well?"

"I was worried."

"It didn't look like it."

"I was worried Rei wouldn't stay awake again. I couldn't sleep. So I got up to check. I didn't see Rei so I had to check he was alright. I couldn't feel a pulse so I put my head on his chest to check his heart was still beating. Then I fell asleep."

"It didn't even occur to you to put something on first?"

Asuka frowned, "No."

She looks up at Hikari, who's neatly dressed with her hair in twintails. Quite a bit longer ones than when she was Class Representative Horaki the Tyrant, but the effect is the same. Her wife could be intimidating when she chose to be. It shouldn't be as attractive as it was. Especially right now. She hadn't gotten a good look at Hikari as she'd stormed out of Shinji's bedroom but she was very familiar with the sight of her wife's naked arse.

"You didn't either."

"I was frightened something had happened to my wife. Which it had!"

"And I was scared of what had happened to my... fuck. shit. dammit. to Baka Shinji."

Hikari's eyes narrowed, "Your what?"

"How the hell would I know?! Five fucking languages and I still don't have words. It's just completely fucked up. I'm fucked up. I fucked up." Asuka's shouting gradually fades to a quiet barely audible tone. "And nothing happened to me," she adds sullenly.

"Did you not even notice the bruise?"

Asuka touches her side tentatively, "Oh. It'll heal. I've had a lot worse fixing things."

"And how are you going to fix kissing him?"

"I. I did?"

Asuka puts her fingertips to her lips and presses lightly. She absolutely did. The memory is still there in her skin. He barely responded and it had still been one of the best kisses. If no one was there she could pretend it never happened. Except she was most definitely there and there's no way she could have lied about it even to herself. Except Hikari was there and saw everything. Hikari was scared something had happened. If he'd touched her. If he'd touched her the way her body had wanted. The way Hikari did. She tried to focus on dealing with what actually happened before her own mind turned it into an even bigger disaster.

"Shit. I really did. Shit. Fuck."

"Do you even know why?"

Asuka shook her head. 

"I do," Shinji commented as he sat down with a cup of tea, "and at least she did it properly this time."

"That's not funny," Asuka musters a glare but it barely counts, "What took you so long?"

"Sorry. Rei insisted on cleaning my wounds before I finished getting dressed."

Asuka winced, "How bad?"

Shinji shrugged, then regretted doing so, "It'll heal."

"Argh! The pair of you!"

"Are you going to tell me, baka?"

"No. Work it out yourself. I might be wrong."

"The last time you were wrong was when you thought I knew you loved me. You didn't kiss me back then either."

"Asuka, go to bed," Shinji managed to sound as commanding as Hikari looked.

"Huh? Why?"

"You haven't slept properly in two weeks. Get some rest before you make things even worse."

Asuka looks at Hikari who nods slightly before getting up and shuffling off to their bedroom.

"So?" demanded Hikari.

"After breakfast and Asuka's stopped listening at the door and actually gone to bed," he raised his voice to carry that last.

---

Hikari put the breakfast dishes away and returned to the couch, folding herself up at one end with her arms wrapped protectively around her legs, her feet tucked in to block any hint of her panties from view. Not that it matters. Not that anything matters. But she needs to know.

"What can you tell me?"

Shinji looks at her. There's a lot of things he can, but he's not sure what's a good idea to do so when she's this upset. Quite reasonably upset, but while she might be thinking more clearly than Asuka that's not saying much.

Hikari continues before he can decide, "Something's going on that Asuka refuses to talk to me about, and you were doing that knowing each other in ways I can't understand thing again, where you don't talk. Rei told me more than either of you did. So it's fucking Nerv shit again and something to do with the date. But why now? Not last year? Or the year before?"

Shinji looked at her in surprise, partly because Hikari rarely swore and partly because she was normally smart enough to pick up on Asuka's issues almost as well as he did.

"She married you."

"That's what Rei said, it didn't make sense."

Shinji sighs, "She's gotten even more possessive of you since the wedding, and a lot more cautious about me."

"It didn't look like that to me."

"Because she is starting to break. She somehow thought I'd stop loving her, that I wouldn't be there for her, that I'd leave and never come back. If she has you, why would I think she still needed me? It's why she's gone with me whenever I've left the house for the last week. She kissed me at the precise same angle she did the first time, that's why she moved, she's not taller than me anymore. Until she did so she didn't believe I was real."

"Why now? Why not any time since the wedding?"

"Nerv shit," Shinji responded wryly. Rei had reminded him of what he had been doing on this particular date after she cleaned his wounds. Reminded him Asuka hadn't been the only one concerned afterwards. He should have known, but Asuka wasn't the only one who was not thinking clearly,  "A fight I nearly didn't come back from. Has she been acting like she did back then when she's with you?" 

"Pacing? Unable to be still even in her sleep? Pinning me against the wall whenever I haven't seen her for a few hours? She never did the whole body inspection before though. Rei said it was something to do with AT fields, whatever those are."

"AT field integrity check?"

"Yes, that."

"You were dead when that happened."

Hikari gulped, sometimes Shinji could be unnervingly casual about that, "When what happened?"

"AT fields are what keeps your body intact. Angels and Evangelions can project theirs outside their bodies, but for normal humans it's basically the shape of you. If it fails you turn into a puddle of molecular soup. During the Impact everyone's collapsed. It's why the sea is red, why everyone comes back from it. Mine was starting to fade back then, after this battle, after Asuka was hurt, after I almost lost myself saving her."

Shinji looks away, the mixture of memories, then and now, Asuka's impulsive violence and tight hugs, Rei's fierce anger and gentle caresses, the same fear underlying both. His shoulder ached and his lips remembered their relief vividly, Rei's layered on Asuka's, pushing the memory into his skin in the hope he would remember. It was more complicated than his simplified explanation, everything was, but it would do for now.

"That explains what Rei has been doing too. I'm not going to ask how thorough Asuka was."

"I wasn't going to tell you."

After an awkward silence Hikari asks her next question, "Why didn't you bring her back?"

"Every time I tried to move she tightened her grip, you know how strong she is, I had to lie motionless for ten minutes until she relaxed enough I could breathe properly again. Even stroking her hair didn't help. Then it was familiar pain and I fell asleep. Sorry, if I'd thought about what it would look like to you I'd have tried harder. She probably wouldn't have actually killed me."

Hikari stares at him, "Do I have to worry about you too?"

Shinji shakes his head, "I'm sturdier than I look, she'd have to actually be trying."

"That's not what I meant," she's seen some of his dark moods, and right now his expression is uninterpretable, but he seemed utterly unconcerned about the prospect of Asuka actually killing him.

"Oh. No, I'm not actively or passively suicidal. I've too much to do." A flicker of a smile crosses his face, "Including your sister."

Hikari stares at him, then sighs, "You're never going to tell me are you?"

"Maybe after we get through this."

"You seem sure that's a when and not an if."

"I know you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You love her as much as I do. You'll work out what we need to do. I'm not going anywhere, I'll be doing your chores for the next month." 

He wanted to say more, but anything he said would influence Hikari's decisions and they had to be hers, not his idea of what they would be. All he could do was be there for when she wanted to ask something of him. Which was going to be far easier said than done. Asuka had opened wounds she didn't even know were there.

"You do them anyway if I don't stop you. And you need to talk to each other, using words. That I can hear, or I'll ask Rei and she'll tell me."

"Hai!" Rei was sitting at the table eating, neither of them had noticed her joining them.

"I am not bound by Nerv regulations. You have not married me. Your secrets are less important than Asuka. She already hates you."

That was Rei being reassuring. Weirdly it was. At least to Shinji.

"Asuka requires punishment. I will provide you with equipment."

Hikari blinked. Rei was right. She just wasn't sure how she'd reached that conclusion, or what equipment Rei was going to provide.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Hikari glared at Shinji, "She's my wife. There are things you do not know and I will not be telling you."

Shinji nods, there were things he didn't need to know, there were things he didn't want to know. He already knew too many of both.

 

 

Chapter 19: Impacts and Other Forms of Communication

Summary:

2020, December

Hikari put down the prototype paddle and studied her handiwork.

The paddle was perfectly balanced, but the padding definitely needed some adjustment.

She hadn't intended to leave a curved bruise across Asuka's arse. But then she hadn't intended to spank her either, until Rei had handed her the paddle. She'd known Rei made things, the gardens in every house on the street, the wedding dresses of over half of the residents. She hadn't known about this particular endeavour.

She picked up the skin cream, she'd already had that, though not for this purpose. The last time she'd applied it to Asuka's skin, she hadn't been the cause of Asuka's injuries. She put it down again, and listened to her breathing for a long moment.

No irregularities. At least until she put a cold dollop of cream on Asuka's bare behind and wiped it gently across her hot skin. Actually hot from the spanking, not just hot because it was Asuka's beautiful arse.

The gasp as the cream hit her skin was followed by a whimper as Hikari started to work it into her very sensitive skin.

"Mistress?" whispered Asuka, only audible because the only sound in the room was their breathing.

"Maybe later. If we agree to play like this." She wasn't playing right now, she was doing something that apparently Rei understood and Shinji did not. She didn't want to hurt Asuka. She didn't like hurting her. Except for biting during sex, and that was different, she traced the outline the paddle had left behind with her fingertip, probably.

She took a breath to refocus. The reason they were in the position they were in - metaphorically as well as the physical one with Asuka bent over her knee wearing nothing but a hair tie - was Asuka's secrets not her own.

"What am I to you Asuka?"

"My wife?" the question in her tone was not one of doubt but of hope, that it was still true.

"That's a piece of paper. I could tear it up, burn it, walk down to the civil office and have it rescinded." Her tone was calm, she wasn't sure how. 

"What am I to you Asuka?" She stroked more cream into Asuka's other cheek, which was unlined but otherwise just as hot under her fingertips.

"Everything."

Her hand came down on Asuka, just below the bruise. Oh, that stung. It helped her focus though.

"Don't lie Asuka. You never promised me that. I never asked for that." She might have, once, back when Asuka seemed like her whole world, but to have everything would mean taking away the things that made Asuka Asuka. Love might make her do stupid things, starting with seducing her best friend, but it didn't make her blind. The Asuka she loved was complicated.

"My reason for living," Asuka's voice faltered for a moment, "I love you. I love being with you. I love hearing you laugh. I love the way you kiss me goodnight when you think I'm already asleep. I love the way you kiss me goodnight when we are both awake. I love the way you make my eggs with just the edges burnt. I love the feel of your skin. I love the way you position yourself carefully so you can hear my heartbeat. I love how expressive your eyes are. I love your passion. I love the sound of your voice."

She pauses. They are both completely still. She could go on for hours. Later she will make sure she does.

"None of it mattered."

Hikari can feel the tears falling onto her leg, warm and wet, she waits.

"Shinji told you he couldn't save me. He never could have, it was always an inescapable trap, but he still feels guilty about it. He didn't tell you that I stopped fighting. I. I watched you die. I watched you die and I stopped. He. He watched me die. Watched me be torn apart. Then some fucking dummkopf puts him in control of the end of the world."

He hadn't told her that of course. It was just obvious from the things he said and those he didn't. From half memories that probably weren't hers as she was dead. Had died listening to him scream her name. From the way he forgot sometimes that there were things he hadn't told her. Hikari loves her. She doesn't deserve it, but she does. Hikari can't understand the pain. Shinji does. She thought she understood his. She was beginning to understand she was wrong. There was something in his eyes when she kissed him that went far deeper than even she had thought. It was bound up in why she kissed him. Why she'd caused everyone so much new pain. Nothing Hikari could do to her body would convince her mind it had been punished enough, but maybe if she begged she'd try. She didn't deserve even that release. Hikari's gentle hands were what finally broke her. 

Hikari is stroking her hair as she openly sobs.

"I hate him. I hate that he brought me back. I hate that he loves me. I hate that he doesn't have a choice. I hate that he does anyway. I hate that he's always fucking better than me."

"I know that last one isn't true, and what do you mean he doesn't have a choice? Rei said something similar."

Asuka sniffles, "What did Rei say?"

Hikari pauses. Rei's phrasing may be significant. It always is, but it might have some meaning to Asuka that it did not to her. She caresses Asuka's back.

"Language is insufficient."

Asuka snorts softly, snottily.

"He loves me."

Hikari holds Asuka down as she jolts.

"Not like that. Not like I love you. She said he loves me because I can leave and choose not to. For letting you love me. The way she said it made it seem like he doesn't have a choice. That he can't leave. That he can't not love you. She said something about herself, that she can't escape. No, she said 'we can't escape'. She also said something else. Ziliel?"

"Zeruel."

"That's it. I don't know what it means."

"I fucking hate him."

Hikari goes back to stroking her hair. 

"The angels have code names. Dumbarse ones. Shamshel is the one Toji told you about and Bardiel was the one that nearly killed him. Ramiel is the one Shinji and Rei became friends over. Gaghiel was the stupid fish I fought with Shinji the day we met. Israfel is the one we had that stupid dancing training for," she pauses, "The first time I sleepwalked into his bed." She goes on before Hikari can ask, "Sandalphon was the volcano and why there's always ice water in the fridge. Armisael is the one that nearly killed Rei. Leliel was the first one that took him away. Arael was the third. Zeruel was the second. The one he ate. Then dissolved, like everyone did at the end, just all by himself."

Hikari pulled Asuka up and into her arms, carefully positioning her so the bruises she'd created weren't resting on her legs.

"How am I supposed to hate him when he's not fucking there?"

Hikari wondered just how deep Asuka's denial really ran, how deep her fear. She wondered if she was strong enough for this. She wasn't going to give up without a fight, even if losing the fight meant she lost Asuka, even if having the fight meant she lost Asuka.

Asuka's head snapped back until she was looking into Hikari's eyes. Not that she had a choice, Hikari had her hair twisted around her fingers and held taut.

"I love you, but you can push hard enough I lose my grip."

Asuka nodded. Tried to nod. 

"I married you," there was just enough emphasis on that last word, that the word was there at all.

"Why not him?" The question she'd never asked.

"I didn't need to." Not the answer she was expecting.

Asuka closed her eyes, she can't relive this while looking at Hikari, she can't relive this without Hikari holding her in place. Eventually she'll run out of tears.

"We tried to kill each other." 

Hikari gasps. She's seen Asuka angry at him but not that angry. She's seen him angry enough to kill, once, when he was talking about his father, but not Asuka, never Asuka.

"It didn't work. I tried to kill him because I hated him. He tried to kill me because he loved me. I slit my wrists. He stepped off the apartment balcony. We got better. We literally cannot even die to get away from each other."

She opened her eyes, "You. You can open the door and walk away. You I needed to bind to me with words and promises." She licks her salty lips, "Needed to bind myself."

"What did you promise me?"

"To love you as long as I could. To be yours, body and mind." She used words that meant both thought and emotion, words that meant her body and her lifespan. She didn't use anything that could be interpreted as soul, those were real and she could no more give hers away than she could give her physical heart. On second thoughts, if she ripped her heart out and gave it to Hikari it would probably grow back just so Shinji could yell at her.

"I'm. I'm not doing a good job of that am I?"

Hikari looked at the tear-stained face of the woman she loved.

"You can't give me what you don't have." She put a finger of the hand that wasn't holding Asuka in place by her hair against Asuka's lips before she could say anything. "You can't tell me the truth if you are lying to yourself."

"So are you going to try, or?" Hikari can't make herself say what the or is. She decides on a different, more drastic option, "Or do I need to ask Rei?"

Asuka's eyes widened in shock. She'd expected the threat to leave. She hadn't taken the ask Rei questions as seriously as perhaps she should have. Seriously enough she was here, with a sore arse and an aching heart. Not serious enough for the implications to really sink in.

"If I fail. If I fail, ask her before you leave." She wished she could lower her head. She was Asuka, the Great Asuka Horaki-Soryu, she was strong, she could handle anything. Fuck that. She was Hikari's. In ways which were too complicated. No longer the simple love and lust they started with. She settled for lowering her eyes.

"Hikari?" she tried to sound calm, she failed completely, her voice cracking on the k, the ri barely an intake of breath.

"Yes?"

"I'll," she swallowed, "I'll need his help too."

She wasn't sure what to expect any more. Hikari storming out seemed most probable. Possibly yelling. Possibly having her arse warmed back up to an even more uncomfortable degree.

What she definitely didn't expect was laughter. Well, derisive laughter had been a possibility. Not this happy, gleeful laughter of the kind that frequently prefixed her being hit in the face with a pillow.

She turned her head, discovering she could, and cautiously looked at Hikari. Hikari, who had one hand over her own mouth and the other - the one that had been holding Asuka's hair so firmly, demanding, wonderful - flapping at her.

"Sorry. Don't mind me." As if Asuka could possibly obey that instruction. "Just. Finally!"

Asuka was utterly confused. Hikari giggled at her. That didn't help. She didn't have a right to ask questions right now though, as desperately as she wanted to, so she would have to wait.

"I love you but you're so thickheaded sometimes. You crawled into his bed naked and fell asleep, abandoning your wife, risking our relationship, pissing me off, hurting me," Hikari took a deep breath, she needed to stay focused, "because you wouldn't admit you actually need him."

"I'm sorry."

"Good. Now lay on the bed, I need to tend to my wife."

The door opened and closed and Asuka lay there. Being left alone with her thoughts was far worse than the spanking.

A moment and an eternity later, Hikari returned with a glass of water and a damp wash cloth. The cloth was cold on her skin, and she let the sensation obscure her thoughts. Once she was clean she felt a movement and then Hikari kissing the still warm skin. Then another movement she couldn't see.

"Sit up. You need to hydrate."

Even the soft bed hurt, but she didn't mind, just took the glass from Hikari and tried not to linger when their fingers touched. She drank thirstily, the water cool in her dry throat. She was blushing like a schoolgirl. That wasn't how she was feeling.

"Um. Hikari? Mistress?"

Hikari laughed at her, that same giddy relieved laughter but tinted with desire, "Don't encourage me. We need to sleep, tomorrow will be another long day," she pauses, "and I want to cuddle with my wife."

 

Chapter 20: Penguins

Summary:

2020, December

Shinji puts lunch on the table. Obviously something happened last night because Asuka was very quiet and Hikari was looking happier. Not happy, but a little less like she was wishing the Horaki The Tyrant death glare actually worked. At least Asuka looked like she'd finally slept, perhaps not as well as she needed to, but more than she had been doing. Rei had insisted on her own bed, and him staying with her, which had been very unusual and rather cramped. She'd fallen asleep the instant she lay down and not moved until she got up to make breakfast.

Hopefully some good news would help distract everyone, for a short while anyway. With everything that had been going on he'd forgotten to share this.

"PenPen is doing well."

Hikari's eyes lit up. Her affection for the penguin was well known and she'd been devastated to learn that he'd dissolved into LCL. No one knew what he'd experienced in Instrumentality, except perhaps Rei and not even Hikari was brave enough to ask, but a couple of years ago he'd gotten a frightened call from a recovery team. It had taken several minutes to learn that the vicious monster that had emerged from the sea and was marching towards the ruins of Tokyo 3 was actually not much more than a meter tall and considerably more to work out it was a penguin.

"I heard from Misato. She wrangled a video call to Antarctica. He seems happy, though this winter looks like it's finally going to be too cold for him so he'll be back in late April."

Hikari squeals happily.

"How's his harem?" asks Asuka.

"Better than your pandas."

"Ewww! Just because they're kinda cute and I never saw any in Germany."

Which "animals" had dissolved had caused multiple scientific arguments and almost as many religious schisms, the ones that came back even more. No one had been surprised about the pandas. Apparently the Australians had been surprised about the koalas.

"Well, unless someone manages to engineer another PenPen, the colonies are the closest he's going to get and they're about as genetically close to him as bonobos are to you. So he's rather lonely even with the scientific team. It'll be too warm by the time he gets back for Hikari to wear those penguin pyjamas, so you don't have to worry."

Asuka throws a roll of bread at him. It's a waste but one he doesn't mind. Not today.

 

 

Chapter 21: Kodama and Other Revelations

Summary:

2020, December

There were awkward dinner conversations and then there was Asuka sitting quietly on a pillow looking uncomfortable and Hikari discussing the fabrication issues of the paddle with Rei. Shinji was trying not to pay attention, but Rei was back to her usual clear voice that he could never ignore even when he so desperately wanted to.

At least someone had been talking. The silence it lapsed into was even worse. 

Hikari had stated that if Asuka and Shinji did not talk to her, and each other, she was going to start playing "twenty thousand questions" with Rei. Rei would answer, but even Rei didn't know everything. If they were lucky she would be overly detailed in painful, embarrassing or frightening ways. If not she would neglect to verbalise so much context it would manage to make things even worse. Unfortunately he could imagine worse.

Earlier in the day he'd even briefly contemplated asking if Chihiro and Megumi's spare room was still available, but they were almost as insightful as Kodama, so that was a bad idea under the circumstances. Even if Hikari probably wouldn't actually maim him for explaining any of the current situation to someone before her, Chihiro would insist on hugging him and that wouldn't go well given his current state of mind and body. At least Kodama was out of range even if she'd send him right back, and she'd probably have no more useful advice than to do what Hikari asked - actually talk.

He'd told Hikari that he might tell her what was between him and her sister sometime she wasn't naked and about to marry the person they both loved. After the wedding, Hikari had asked why he didn't date Kodama as they obviously liked each other. Asuka had given her a look and she'd dropped it. Then he'd made the mistake of attempting humour and promised Hikari he'd tell her. It was one of the many things he didn't talk about, maybe he should actually tell them.

"Kodama was pregnant when I ended the world."

The silence was now stunned rather than awkward. He'd told her he couldn't promise to keep things from Rei, or Asuka and thus also Hikari. Asuka because the secrets he kept from her were the ones she didn't ask about, which admittedly were far too many of, some of which he was glad she never had. Rei because he sometimes talked in his sleep, among other reasons, many of which he either didn't have the words to explain, were too personal for whatever his relationship to the older Horaki currently was, or were things he never risked telling anyone. There were things Kodama knew that Hikari, and thus Asuka, did not. Asuka wouldn't keep anything from Hikari, except when she denied it to herself. Which was part of the problem. Asuka was far too good at that.
 
"She wasn't when she came back."

Hikari opened her mouth but he held his hand up to stop her.

"Before you ask. No, I don't know who the father was. I didn't ask. She didn't tell me. If he came back, he didn't come back to her."

"It wasn't you then?" Hikari's tone was accusatory layered with a tinge of hope.

"I have never done anything with your sister that could possibly result in her becoming pregnant." Not that he hadn't thought about it. Not that she hadn't tried. Hikari wasn't the only Horaki who thought they might be good together. Hikari wasn't the only person whose taste in women he shared, and Kodama had looked a lot like an older version of Hikari. Then. Now his impressions of them were very different, and not because Hikari now looked like a shorter, slightly more freckled, version of her sister.

Asuka smiles at Hikari, who's not paying attention, "That still leaves a lot of options. Unless you are going to claim I don't have sex with my wife."

"Who says you are?" retorts Hikari without looking away from Shinji.

"At least I want to, I'm not the one fantasising about my best friend and my sister making babies."

"Asuka, you are not helping here. Hikari, how much do you want to know? It is your sister."

"I've seen my sister with her bare ass in the air and her face in one of her friend's pussy. I could describe her blow-job technique if you don't already know. You probably can't tell me anything I haven't seen."

Asuka snorts, "And there was I thinking you just read a lot."

Rei comes up behind Asuka and ties a clean gag in place.

Hikari blinks and looks at Asuka's annoyed face, "If I'd known you had that Rei, I would have asked for it earlier, it seems useful." She ignores Asuka's glare and adds "Next time ask me for permission first." 

Asuka turns the glare up a couple of notches but doesn't move from where she's sitting next to Hikari.

"She found out a week before I killed everyone. You know how stressful things were, a missed period didn't register. The second one did. She didn't get a chance to tell anyone. Then there was nothing to tell that she wanted to talk to anyone about. Until you abandoned us together to go make out with your girlfriend. She asked if I could help her track down the doctor who'd confirmed she was pregnant, for some reason she trusted me despite everything and she knew I could ask around without making a stir."

"More than she trusted me, it sounds like, which is rather ironic as I was the one who told her you were safe to talk to." Hikari pauses, then admits "or anything else she might have in mind. So you really were sneaking off to see my sister?"

"I didn't sneak. Several people knew where I was, just not you because you'd ask questions she wasn't ready to answer. I found the doctor and we went out to see her. Kodama didn't want to go alone and I didn't mind. Whatever you think, I do actually enjoy her company. I don't avoid her, just being manipulated."

"And you were feeling guilty," Hikari observed, ignoring the accusation. Asuka said nothing. Rei went to make more tea, this may be a long conversation.

"That as well. There were no records left of course, but the doctor remembered her and confirmed her earlier diagnosis. Then she examined Kodama and confirmed there was no evidence that she had ever been pregnant. Kodama asked what I was going to do about it. I worked out later that tracking down other people in the same situation was not everything she had in mind."

Asuka snorts around her gag, "bawag"

"So most of the women in their first trimester, nearly half in their second and a few in their third came back as if they had never been pregnant at all. There were almost no infants between one and six months old. I followed all the leads I could from the rescue and reunite teams."

Shinji trails off. He spent a lot of time with the rescue teams, helping people who had just crawled back out of the red sea, carrying far too many who weren't able to even crawl. Especially children, some of whose parents he found, some he knew he never would, too many where he made sure he didn't. He'd have done a lot more if he'd been able to go more than half a day away from Asuka. Further once he'd found Hikari and they'd had time to settle. A lot further now, though it was increasingly rare he was asked to, or was driven to. 

It hadn't really occurred to him that he hadn't rescued any pregnant women, it wasn't as if he was aware that he knew any. Once he knew to look, to ask, even Rei had been concerned when he finally came home. At least Rei had been there to come home to.

"So when did you finally work out she was trying to seduce you?" Hikari interrupts the growing silence and her own uncomfortable thoughts. "That we both think you'd be a good father to her children?"

"After she stopped," Shinji ignored the second part of the question, now would not be the time to bring up what probably gave them that idea or why they were wrong.

Asuka puts her head in her hands.

"That's not what it looked like at our wedding."

He sighs, "I didn't say she didn't try again once I asked her if I was right, and she didn't start right away. It's not as if a gynaecological visit to see why you're not pregnant with someone else's child is an obvious choice for a first date."

Even if that was one of the things that seemed to have made her mind up. That and the things that happened afterwards. There were other things he would tell them, but there were things even more personal than their sex lives or lack thereof. In ways that might look absurdly amusing or ironic once a lot more time had passed, the things that let him help were the things that made him not enough.

"I can't be what she needs. It wouldn't be fair to her to try. If it had been mine, if I'd known what would happen, I would still have done the same thing again to get Asuka back. To get you back so Asuka would be happy."

Asuka looked at him with tears in her eyes, trying to wrap her mind around what he said. The implications were staggering and he hadn't talked to her about it at all. Obviously he thought she couldn't handle it. She had to admit, at least to herself, that he was almost certainly right about that. What kind of person did that make him that he would be willing to do that? What kind of person did it make her that she loved him anyway?

"Even after I told her that, she still decided I was safe to bare her thoughts and emotions to," Shinji continued as if what he'd admitted to was nothing new or relevant.

"That's all?" He isn't sure if Hikari is being disbelieving or sarcastic.

"Her body too, if that's what you are asking. I've seen more of her than I have of you. She asked me to stay and hold her hand during her exam."

Hikari snorts, "If you claim that's the only time, you're lying."

Shinji sighs, "Of course not, I didn't tell you because you'd react like this." He takes a deep breath and hopes Kodama will forgive him, "I know what she sounds like because she asked me to hold her while she touched herself, to attempt to reconnect with her body and feel less broken. Because she knew I would. That I understood. That I would not expect anything of her afterwards. That I couldn't do anything even if both of us wanted to."

That was enough. He was fairly certain, from the things Kodama didn't say, that someone expecting things of her was what had gotten her into the situation in the first place. If it had been an actual boyfriend, Hikari would be on the warpath. Not asking him if it might be his, as if that could possibly be a good thing. He wasn't going to bring any of that up, any more than he was going to go into any details of holding a naked, sobbing Kodama, unless Hikari asked some very specific questions.

"What do you mean you couldn't do anything?"

Shinji is trying to work out how to possibly explain this without dying of embarrassment when Rei interrupts.

"He is unable to maintain an erection if he is more than a maximum of a hundred meters from another Pilot. Kodama's apartment is four point six seven kilometers away. Also if he is in physical contact with Asuka. Though that is not directly applicable to the circumstances under discussion."

Asuka and Hikari turn to stare at Rei.

"I was curious."

 

---

Shinji is clearing the dishes away and ignoring the looks he is imagining he's getting as he can't look anyone in the face right now by the time Asuka finishes unfastening the gag. Not that that helps as she's speechless. Then her brain starts running again. Trying to fit pieces together, things he said, things he hasn't, things she knows anyway.

'I need him,' she'd admitted to Hikari who was by some miracle still her wife. That he needed her had been something she'd just taken for granted, of course he did, he loved her, he was baka Shinji, she was the Great Asuka Soryu, that was just how things worked.

This Shinji, who could calmly talk about the end of the world, about destroying everything but not about bringing it all back. Almost. If she said the wrong thing. If there could ever be a right thing. Hikari was right, they needed to talk. It wasn't going to be today. It couldn't be today. She needed to hold him. If he'd do so much to bring Hikari back to her, one of the worst things she could do was to throw that away. Punching angels was so much easier, even the ridiculous ones that didn't obey the laws of physics.

She stood slowly, but before she could move Hikari grabbed her hand. She bent and kissed her wife into silence before she could say anything. Hikari let her, which was a relief, even if she didn't kiss back yet.

Straightening again she turned to Rei.

"He's yours."

"Hai."

 

---

Hikari tilted her head back gasping for breath and let Asuka trail kisses down her throat. Let, as if she could have done anything to stop her. She would be angry again later. Right now she was just grateful for her wife and for the intricate weave of greenery growing up the side of the porch and shielding them from the neighbours.

"As...", a long exhale enough to manage "...ka" on the inbreath, and suddenly she was supporting her own weight, barely.

"I'm not going to apologise because I'm not sorry," Asuka's words were less breathless than her own, more confident sounding if you didn't know Asuka like she did, "Until you tell me otherwise, you are mine as much as I am yours. For better and worse. I. I needed to make sure you know that. This is going to be harder than I thought."

Asuka straightened and peered out at the sky then back at the closed door and sighed, "I'll walk you as far as your sister's."

They are well away from any possibility of being heard before an exasperated Hikari asks, "Why are you taking me to Kodama's? Where are you going?"

"Just for a run. I need to think and I think better when moving, or after making love with you and I know I can't ask that of you yet. You need to talk to her anyway, though I have no idea if you should drag her back with us or suggest she gets safely out of the blast radius for a while."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"If I knew that, I'd tell you. Really. I would. I need to let my brain work out what questions I need to ask. What questions I can ask. Though there is one."

"What?" asked Hikari dubiously.

"Umm. Can I hold your hand?"

"In public?!" Hikari attempts to sound incensed, it almost works.

Asuka smiles and holds her hand out, fingers relaxed so Hikari can slip hers between them, "I love you."

 

Notes:

The load bearing Ikari is carrying a much larger load than you imagined Hikari.

If we were working on a completely unaltered NGE timeline, Kodama's pregnancy probably lasted from some time while Shinji was molecular soup until the Impact. Even though she wouldn't be directly involved, 'stressful' is too mild a word for it, especially as Hikari would have been either at Asuka's or at Nerv when Rei destroyed Armisael and half of Tokyo 3.

Chapter 22: Penii and Other Things That Didn't Happen

Summary:

2020, December

In which Hikari's curiosity gets the better of her.

Hikari lifts her head off the pillow and turns to look at her wife, who's pretending to sleep on her side of the bed. It's not very convincing as she has one arm outstretched and is unconsciously stroking the back of Hikari's hand.

"Asuka?"

"Yes?"

"Do you ever wonder what a penis would feel like?"

Asuka is half out of the bed, her movements gone from gentle to full of icy anger instantly, ice that doesn't crack when Hikari grabs her arm hard enough to stop her.

"I'll go get Shinji and you can do what you accused me of. At least it'll work for you."

There was the other open wound. A deep wound freshly cut open with a fear she had refused to let herself feel. That she could lose him again. That she would do anything to prevent it. Even if it meant letting the world burn. Even if it risked losing Hikari. She might lie to everyone including herself, but nothing stayed buried. Not for her. If that's what it took, she would fuck him until he didn't have the energy to run away, until he stayed in the world. But he didn't have the decency to give her the option. He treated her as a child, even less of a woman than Rei, comforting words, stroking her hair like a she was a lost kitten. If he didn't find her attractive anymore, if he didn't love her...

"Asuka. Stop. I didn't mean it like that. Not entirely like that. Just. Just come back and let me talk. Please. You promised."

And there was the other trap. The one of her own making. She let Hikari pull her into her arms. Where she belonged, whatever her panicked mind thought.

Hikari kissed the top of Asuka's head and took a breath.

"I don't remember getting pregnant. No. No. Of course I'm not! Just we had entire lives that no one ever really talks about. You know I remember parts of them. Things I've never experienced. I had children. I remember giving birth, it hurt a lot more than dying did. I remember their faces, the blend of me and their father in that life. I remember being pregnant, feeling a life growing inside me. I don't remember getting pregnant."

"You want children?" It was something they hadn't talked about, hadn't needed to talk about as obviously they couldn't have them and why would they bring a child into a world that was ending? After. After, they'd talked about Asuka's mother. After the second time she'd died. After Shinji's mother had a real grave. Not that they'd talked about that part, the nature of the Evas that had been such a large part of her life was another secret that hung between them. More things unsaid between herself and Shinji. More secrets from her wife she needed to work out how to share. Dammit, she really did need him for this.

Hikari didn't actually answer the question, instead she continued reminiscing things that never happened, "She had your eyes. My hair and your eyes. The boys were, um, Toji's that time. With Nozomi's energy, you remember what she was like when we met. It was"

"Comfortable?" Asuka interjected, not really wanting to hear about Hikari's life with someone else, her wistful tone when she talked about children who could never be hers. Contradictorily, wanting to know everything, have everything of Hikari however much it might hurt. It wouldn't even count as a punishment if it was sating her own need to know.

"Comfortable as in boring, not comfortable as in sleeping on my wife. And you're interrupting. I was trying to tell you about Suka. Sukari couldn't have been anything other than yours. Even though you weren't there, had never been there, had never come to Japan. I couldn't possibly have known who she looked like, but the dream insisted I did. That when she looked at me with those big blue eyes, there was something important I was missing."

"Always the eyes."

"What do you mean?"

"Something Shinji said. He knew it was the real me because of the eyes. Illusions, delusions, deceptions, they never got the eyes right. The freckle on my arse but not the eyes."

For a moment Asuka regrets being flippant, especially about Shinji recognising her that way. She'd assumed he knew from some Instrumentality dream, he hadn't exactly been coherent at the time he told her and she hadn't been willing to ask once he was himself again. But now Hikari brought it up, Shinji had said he hadn't been with her, just Hikari and maybe he hadn't just been teasing her. He had peeked during that stupid test but while Rei might have been able to draw her arse from a single memory, Shinji's eyesight wasn't good enough to pick out her faint freckles at that range.

There was something she was almost grasping, but at that moment Hikari finished tracing distracting spirals down her spine and slid gentle fingers under the edge of her panties.

"This one?"

Asuka blushes, Hikari's fingers can still do that to her, even when they were fighting or whatever this confusing thing was that they were doing, "No. But if you go exploring you're not going to get chance to tell me why you were asking."

"Rei said he doesn't get hard if you're touching him, but does at other times," Hikari felt Asuka's reaction and mentally added more questions to ask about it for later. Everyone had abruptly changed the topic after Rei’s proclamation, no one wanted to think about that enough to consider the implications. "So she's seen it, you've seen it, but I didn't as she'd already covered you both up. That made me realise I've never even seen one. A real one, not just a picture in biology class. Years of living with Shinji, with everyone in that small apartment, with only one bathroom and never once accidentally seen him changing. He's walked in on us, but not the reverse. Multiple imaginary lives and no recollection. Even Toji's children but not his dick."

Asuka snorts, "It's not worth it."

"Asuka? Just how do you know what Toji's dick looks like?" She tried not to sound accusatory. She failed.

"First day I met him. Shinji must have told you about the wind giving them a panty shot. Let's just say the viewing fee was not adequate compensation."

Hikari laughs, "He didn't, but that's so Toji. He must have been trying to show you his underwear, not that you'd want to see them, but he was like that - always needing to pay things back the same way. It's how he found out that Shinji punches harder than he does."

"So what did he tell you?"

"Who tell me what?"

"Shinji. If he didn't tell you about my panties, which entirely coincidentally are the pair you have your hand down, what did he say?" 

It wasn't entirely coincidentally, she'd grown enough they were a little tight - not so tight Hikari hadn't gotten her fingers as far as her freckle - but she hadn't done any laundry, had refused to let Shinji touch her underwear in a couple of weeks, so she was down to the older pairs. She made a mental note to actually do laundry in the morning, and probably to avoid working out why she didn't want him touching her underwear when he'd already washed every piece of clothing she owned and had been touching more of her arse than her wife was currently doing.

Hikari, quite deliberately not moving her hand, asks, "Why are you asking me what his first impressions of you are?"

"You're his friend. I'm just his stray cat."

"My darling Asuka, because I'm his friend, and so are you, I can assure you that the kind of pussy he's thinking of when he thinks about you most definitely does not go 'meow'. Though you have been known to make a sound rather like purring when your kitty is pet. And I'm not upset about having the same taste in woman as my best friend, but we will talk about that later.

"To answer your question, your eyes. Eventually he noticed your hair too, then the rest of you. But it was the way he described your eyes that made me look at them, at you, then you looked back and I was left squirming in my seat. If it wasn't for the way he so obviously adored you, I wouldn't have worked out I felt the same way. Though admittedly it wasn't until I caught Tanaka and Aihara in an empty classroom that I started looking at your hands and imagining how you might use them."

"It wasn't that obvious," grumbled Asuka.

Hikari laughs at her, "Only to you, my dearest Asuka. You've still got a terrible blind spot when it comes to him, but we're working on that, aren't we?"

"We were siblings once. Well, step-siblings, our mothers married."

"Aren't we?" Hikari ignores Asuka's attempt at distraction. One of these days her wife and her friend would go back to bickering like siblings, but it didn't feel like it was going to be any time soon.

Asuka sighs softly, "as long as you hold me afterwards."

"Like I am now?"

"Tighter, as if you'll never let me go."

Hikari twined her fingers through her wife's hair as she tightened her grip. She couldn't promise that she'd never let go, Asuka pushed so hard sometimes, but she could hold her, would hold her, as if she never wanted to.

Chapter 23: Interlude: Winter Springs

Summary:

2020, Late December

In which Kodama takes her sister's suggestion and goes on a trip, her destination is not entirely coincidental.

"Horaki-san?"

"We've slept together, I think you can call me Kodama."

"Oh. Well. Yes." replies Maya coherently. "Sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone. The last time I saw you was then. Did you want to come in? Sorry, it's a bit of a mess."

"If it's not an imposition. I didn't let you know I might be arriving. So if you're busy, or have company, I'll let you be."

"Oh. No. Nothing that can't wait. No one but me. Is it just you?"

Kodama smiles, "Were you hoping for someone else?"

Maya blushes, she hadn't been expecting anyone at all and the last time she'd seen Kodama she'd been leaning against the wall talking to Shinji through the bathroom door suggesting they could save time by bathing at the same time. She had been wearing one of Shinji's t-shirts, the one Kodama knew where to find, the one she'd slept in for the last several months, at least the panties had been her own.

"Sorry, it's just me. It's cold down on the coast and someone told me you had hot springs up here."

Maya smiles, "It's even colder here, so at least come in and have some tea. You can warm up and tell me why you are making up transparent excuses to check on me."

 

---

They are sipping tea and Kodama is looking around the small home. "Messy" meant that there was paperwork and diagrams spread across the desk by the rear window in what was no doubt an organized manner even if this particular organization wasn't obvious to her. Oh, and there was a single dirty cup in the sink. Shinji would have been horrified and promptly washed it. They would either be perfect living together or kill each other before the end of the first week. She loved the boy but they could not spend more than a weekend together.

Which apparently her sister now knew about, not that it was technically a secret, she hadn't made him promise not to tell. It was just personal and she wasn't sure how she felt about Hikari knowing, or the reasons she did. Which is why she was here, ostensibly checking out a place for a holiday. She wasn't entirely sure if she was getting out of blast range or cutting off an escape route. At least Hikari wasn't trying to throw Shinji at her again, throw something at him maybe but it definitely wasn't her for once. Her sister's intentions were good, but she'd set back their progress several times. 

She wasn't at all surprised that someone as intelligent as her sister could be so utterly clueless at times - she kept trying to date Shinji after all and the boy hadn't been convinced she liked him after she'd orgasmed in his lap. Admittedly the first time she'd been crying so hard that she had fallen over as well as fallen apart if he hadn't been holding her, and five minutes later he'd been holding her hair while she threw up. That was perhaps even less romantic than their first weekend away together. But he should have noticed by the third time. She'd had to be very direct. Which had nothing, or perhaps everything, to do with why she was here.

Now she was here, however, she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. Yes, she had a room at the spring and would take a good long soak later. No, it wouldn't be as comfortable as waking up sandwiched between Shinji and the woman nervously sipping tea on the chair by the window. The place might be small but it had a lot of natural light. Light which showed the clean lines of Maya's face, a very kissable face now she could see it so clearly.

"Sorry. I should go."

"Wait!" Maya disappeared into another room, the bedroom from the glimpse she saw, a bed whose occupant clearly hadn't slept well if she'd left the pillows askew like that.

"Here, could you give him this?"

"No."

Maya had known exactly where his t-shirt was. She was obviously organized. She could have kept it in storage until she had chance to return it. Kodama wasn't as smart as Maya, if Shinji's description of her was accurate very few people were, but if she was going to pick her not actually boyfriend's shirt up off her bed to give to his possible girlfriend, she'd have had the good sense to open and close a drawer audibly first. Besides, it was noticeably more worn than it had been when she'd given it to her.

Maya paused in that 'someone didn't do what I expected I need to adjust way' that people who worked with predictable people did. Shinji did that around Rei occasionally and her sister almost never. She doubted if anyone other than Shinji would ever consider Rei predictable. Apparently her sister was very predictable. Predictably angry at the moment.

"If he wanted it back he could have asked me," Kodama smiled, "months ago. I knew where to find it because it was in my bag, not his drawer. I'd been using it the same way I suspect you have been," Maya looked alarmed, "and if it smelled of him it was because you smelled of him when you put it on".

Maya stood there with the shirt in her hand and her brain going in panicked circles.

"So sorry, you've been keeping both of us close for the last several months. On the upside, it is rather comfortable and at least it covers your ass."

Maya stared at her, blinked, blushed, then burst out laughing.

"Sorry," she said after calming down, "This is just so absurd. I don't even like boys, men. And I've been sleeping in this, and it's comfortable and that was weird, then it turns out it's yours, and Rei said he wouldn't mind if I dated both of you, but she didn't say anything about you, and I'm just going to shut up now."

"If it helps at all, Tanaka calls him an honorary girl."

"Oh." Her tone drops a note as she doesn't try to keep the concern out of her voice, "Did something happen to him?"  

She's more interested in the answer than the nature of her concern. The Shinji she'd first met might have been cute as a girl, but it was Shinji the young man who'd made her question herself. Fortunately Kodama answers before her mind can follow that train of thought further.

"A lot of things happened to him. Some of which I wanted to talk to you about if you're ever willing. But that part of him works if that's what you're worried about, and if he's as good with it as he is with his hands you'd be in for a treat. If that's something you decided you wanted and could get him to agree to."

"Sorry. I shouldn't have asked something personal like that." Shouldn't have asked someone else, would possibly never risk asking him herself, despite having intended to ask him what would probably be far more personal questions. 

Kodama tries and fails to look nonchalant, "If you'd moved your hand down a little you'd already know."

Maya decides making more tea is the appropriate reaction to this situation. If she was interpreting things correctly, she had been the only person in the room who would have minded if she had. Possibly. It definitely didn't help that the person making the observation had been wrapped around her and just as naked as she was. Which she needed to not think about if she was to be a proper host. She needed the calming routine of making tea and not to close her eyes for even a moment, she had a good memory and a better imagination.

"Sorry, I went too far. I didn't mean to embarrass you like that," Kodama called after her. 

She needed to pay better attention, she was too used to Shinji reminding her where the limits were and Maya was almost as cute in a faded t-shirt and a pair of equally faded jeans that were obviously a favorite if she was wearing them to the point of frayed edges - an out of place untidiness that would have been repaired thirty seconds after Rei saw them. The casual dress suited her more than the formal wear, especially when she was not putting on a professional face. Her more relaxed appearance was cute, almost as cute as she was naked and curled up asleep on her chest. It had barely been half an hour and she was already forgetting she'd only known the woman for less than a day, most of which she'd been asleep for. Very comfortably asleep.

As she watched her hopefully friend move around the kitchen she was reminded that the woman was a dancer, when she didn't have her head in a computer or whatever documents she had been working on. Not professionally, there wasn't much demand for dancers these days and her focus was obviously elsewhere, but she'd known a formal dance to fail to keep her distance from Shinji with, and she moved with a precision that wasn't something that came naturally. A precision that slipped every time she glanced over. Their own dance had been far from formal, dancing was clearly something Maya did for fun, if she ever let herself have fun these days. The wedding might have been the last time she did, the signs of someone losing themselves in work were masked by how tidy everything was, but that in itself made it clearer.

 

---

Maya put fresh cups of tea on the table between them having composed herself while focusing on making tea.

"You had something serious to ask me. We hadn't met before the wedding, so it must be related to my old job. So one of them told you what that was."

"Asuka said you were a work colleague, but Shinji hadn't seen you in years and Katsuragi-san knew you. So Nerv, and Science Division was obvious once Asuka didn't object to Shinji saying you were smarter than she was. You also have some very similar trauma responses, so I'd work from the assumption that you were close to Ground Zero. I'd worked all that out before Shinji suggested you might be able to answer a question."

"Trauma responses?"

Kodama gestured to the room, "You called this messy. Shinji would have washed the cup in the sink. One of my courses on trauma may as well have been titled 'Ikari Shinji, a preliminary case study'. You could write an entire thesis on him, and have it promptly buried because I'm sure at least half of it would be still be classified. I have a better idea of what I'm trying to get myself into than he thinks. I've known him for years, my little sister's been his best friend and..." Kodama pauses for a moment, then decides that she'll open the can of worms that's Shinji's relationship with Asuka some other time, preferably after she finds out what it is now, "... and you hadn't seen him since the Impact and were immediately comfortable with him."

"You think I'm attracted to him because of..." she couldn't quite finish her sentence. This was part of what she'd wanted to talk to Shinji about. Not the attraction part of course, she hadn't known about that, she wasn't sure about that, she certainly wasn't going to bring it up any time soon. The Impact. She certainly hadn't planned on talking to anyone else. 

"No, I think you're attracted to him because he's cute. I think you're comfortable with him because you've had similar reactions to extreme trauma, which implies your minds work in similar ways. I could be wrong on both counts."

Kodama sipped her tea and watched Maya's reactions, hoping she hadn't overstepped and damaged their nascent friendship.

 

---

The soft light of the setting sun has turned the room a color which was not at all evocative of the ocean when Maya turns the conversation back closer to where they started.

"What was your question?"

"Are you sure you're up to this?"

"No, I'm not sure, but we've come this far, and Shinji was right."

"About what?"

"You being good company," was all Maya admitted to out loud. "Let me get something before we start."

Maya returns from the porch with a bottle and pours out a small amount into two glasses.

"A small amount will clear your head, too much and you'll forget everything we talk about tonight, and that you have legs."

Kodama takes a cautious sniff to make sure she knows what she's getting into, the glass is small so it's obviously something strong, "Spiked lemonade?"

"No, the thing you spike the lemonade with. Just make sure to keep away from Rei if she's had any, because you'll end up naked in bed with someone questioning your life choices."

Kodama took a sip, tart and smooth, definitely better than the few occasions she'd had anything alcoholic before, it would be easy to go through the rest of the bottle. Then it hit her brain and she blinked, "Rei's 'a little bit to drink' was this?"

Maya nods, "Her lemons. She got the first batch. I've no idea how much she actually had or what her tolerance is, but it's definitely higher than mine."

Despite her words, Maya took several sips as she worked out what to say. Which was just long enough for her mind to put things together and the drink to reduce her nervousness and perhaps a little too much of her inhibitions.

"I'm so sorry," she's fairly sure she sounds coherent even if the words come a little too fast.

"For what?"

"You lost a child and both you and Shinji wish it had been his."

Kodama takes a much longer than advisable sip.

"How'd you work that out?" It was quite a leap, and she was certain Shinji hadn't told Maya. He'd been quite apologetic about telling his family, which she wasn't part of in the way she wanted. She also didn't think Maya was right about Shinji, but she knew things Maya had no way of knowing.

Maya shrugs, "Genius data scientist?" Her tone is matter-of-fact, not quite Rei, but just a statement, not boasting like Asuka would. "Who do you think they asked to correlate and analyze the data? You mentioned Shinji suggested you ask me something, then your not quite a question about people coming back different. He was on the R&R teams, he must have been the one to start asking the questions about people coming back changed and pregnancy was the first one. So he cared enough to panic a thousand people, restructure recovery protocols and land me with a massive pile of data to sift through without a Magi. It couldn't have been his, either it was early enough I'd have known about it or late enough that he wasn't capable."

"You might be surprised what he's capable of, but no it wasn't. I may have been stupid, and he's too old for his age, but no I didn't notice Hikari's other pilot friend back then. Not that way. Besides he had a girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?"

"If you don't know you'll have to ask him. You only get my secrets."

Maya nodded and sipped her drink. One of the things she was liking about Horaki-san, Kodama, other than the complicated feelings that came from Ayanami suggesting she start a relationship with her, the way the fading light framed her face, the ... one of the surprisingly many things she was liking was the ability to lapse into silence. The space to let her think without the pressure of continuing the conversation immediately.

She could think quickly, her thoughts often raced if she let them, and Sempai always pushed her. Intellectually. Professionally. Not hard against a wall. Kodama was tall enough. Kodama also wasn't pushing her at all, at least not in the same way. The space to think came with a space to talk. When she was ready. If she could work out what she was ready for.

Secrets. She had so many of her own, of Nerv's, and she didn't know which of those Kodama might know, especially if she was as close to Shinji and his family as she seemed, even if that wasn't as close as she wanted to be. Her sister had been there at the end, brave, even more defenseless, certainly just as dead.

She took another sip. It would take a lot. A lot more thought and probably a lot more than she was willing to drink tonight. Also probably a lot more comfort, because as comfortable as this was watching Kodama in the fading light, letting the silence linger even longer than her eyes. As comfortable as this was, it didn't come close to the morning she'd woken up between them, and she might need to be that comfortable again before she could talk about some things.

She put her empty glass down and didn't refill it. She was dangerously close to asking Kodama to stay, and she knew herself better than that. She needed rest and time to think by herself.

 

---

Kodama washed her hands off and sat back down on the bed, momentarily thankful that her room had its own bathroom and she hadn't had to walk down the hall to wash.

She was so messed up. At least she didn't think she'd messed up this time, yet. Unless you counted masturbating to the memory of being sandwiched between the boy she liked and the woman she barely knew but had somehow told things she hadn't been willing to tell her own sister.

She wasn't going to count that.

It wasn't that she wanted to fix them, she knew the dangers of that one. It wasn't entirely that she was attracted to broken people, she would be happier if they weren't, if they hadn't gone through so much it did this to them. She'd certainly have more of a sex life than her own fingers.

And Rei had suggested this was a good idea. Rei's idea of human relationships was odd at best. She clearly had no sense of jealousy at all, or she wouldn't have arranged to be naked in bed with herself and Shinji. She wasn't jealous of Rei either, she might as well be jealous of the air he breathed. Certainly she was envious of her ability to walk into the next room and cuddle with Shinji. The ability to do so naked even more so. She was reasonably certain that if they did have sex it was accidental. Not 'oops I accidentally fucked your boyfriend' accidental, just they might not notice it happened.

Maya had said she needed a supercomputer and a degree in a subject that was illegal to learn in order to understand Rei's explanation of their relationship. Which made more sense than most of the other things going on. Not that it mattered, Shinji came with Rei as if they were conjoined twins, though that would have made things even more awkward. Rei knowing if they had sex was one thing, Rei being there at the same time would be even more impossible than what whatever it was between herself and him.

Shinji also came with Asuka. Not that he couldn't love her too, just not enough for him to understand. That wasn't fair. He did understand, far more than any other man would. He cared enough not to let her get involved, which given the state of things when she left might be more an indication of how much he actually did care than of his inability to do so. He hadn't entirely succeeded, she hadn't been interested in anyone else. Not until now. The only reason she was certain that this whole situation wasn't a set-up was that if he'd even suspected he'd have introduced them years ago when he was trying harder to push her away.

She sighed. 

Maybe Rei was right and naked cuddle piles were the way to go. 

Damn that had been so comfortable she hadn't even been horny until Rei got up. Though it certainly hadn't helped matters that the shirt she'd given Maya only covered her ass if she was standing up, not if she was bent over picking her bag up.

She flopped down on the bed, letting her fingers wander again. What she really needed was a good hard fuck. By a very specific 
person. Possibly with Maya sitting on her face at the same time. She wouldn't even mind if he ran off with her new girlfriend and left her holding the baby. Again. Really this time. Fuck. She was so messed up. And crying again. He wasn't even there to hold her this time.

 

---

Maya, on the other hand, was lying in her own bed not masturbating. Not that that wasn't something she did, she was celibate not asexual. She still definitely liked women, and a particular woman. 

Everything was just out of order, and she'd come to need things ordered. She understood complexity, even the simpler computers she'd been reduced to using only did exactly what they were told in the order they were told on the surface. There were layers of error checking for all the things that could go wrong underneath. Or deliberately used to introduce randomness, models were just models, in which ways they matched reality was where they became useful.

Reality was not what most people had thought. The Second Impact was not a meteor. The Third Impact had rebuilt the world in very strange ways. Each had broken at least one law of known physics.

Her reality was not what she had thought. She was attracted to women, intelligent women who were safely unobtainable, who weren't interested in her, who it was safe to know and only think about that way when she was alone. She hadn't thought of herself as a coward, not by her own standards anyway, she didn't like hurting things, she'd loved living in a city full of people whose lives were made better by science. She'd enjoyed working for Nerv, protecting people with technology, even if it had become weird and strange the more she'd learned. 

There were more things she needed to know, even though she was fairly sure that she didn't want to. Which was, when it came to it, why she'd eventually decided to risk going to the wedding. Not that she wasn't happy for Asuka, she deserved whatever happiness she could get. Just she could have sent a gift and an excuse - she was a long way away and travel was still difficult. "Train delayed because of clouds" was a perfectly reasonable, and common enough, occurrence that could turn an hour's journey into two days.

So she'd expected to have the opportunity to ask for later conversations. She just expected them to be about the end of the world.

She'd died and come back, and somehow discovering there was a woman she liked who liked her back - unless she was completely misreading things - was throwing her off balance even more.

Then there was the other thing. She would have thought that her newly discovered attraction to a man, and he definitely wasn't the boy she knew anymore, would have been safely one sided. Something she could slowly incorporate into her mental model of herself and put aside. That the way he'd touched her while they were dancing was purely an accidental part of their bodies being in proximity. She had been the one holding him when she woke, but he hadn't objected out of politeness. Except two of the women who loved him had carefully not told her to date him, leaving her the choice to decide if she wanted to.

If she couldn't work out her own emotions tonight, she could at least manage to model what she had to decide if she wanted to get more involved with in her head. Human relationship dynamics weren't exactly something she was good at, or she'd have known not to open that particular door amongst other things, but she'd had a lot of time alone to think since she returned home.

She might need diagrams and never fully understand Rei and Shinji's relationship, but it was obvious to anyone who saw them that they loved each other. Hikari and Asuka were married, and she'd seen plenty of married couples who were less blatantly in love with each other than those two. That Shinji was still in love with Asuka was also clear, though the way she loved him back was not. Enough to fuel rumors, not enough for them to be involved. Hikari and Shinji were easier, but also odd to an outsider, they obviously both loved the same woman but they were clearly very close friends, possibly closer siblings than Hikari and Kodama. The two Horakis might look similar but they seemed to have different personalities and if anything Hikari acted like the older sibling. Certainly Kodama had complained several times about her trying to play matchmaker.

If she hadn't been informed otherwise very clearly by a woman who barely came up to her chin, she would have been certain that Tanaka and Shinji were in a relationship. That they were friends was obvious when she'd gotten up the next morning to discover the Tanakas in the kitchen making everyone breakfast, but apparently Kodama had been telling the truth there because it looked more like it was those two who had just gotten married. Possibly they had been being discrete the day before to avoid being a distraction. 

She'd had to put that together later, she'd been a bit distracted by the whole waking up naked and comfortable thing. She wasn't sure where the Major fit in, she'd been polite and friendly but she'd only danced with Shinji and only once, which was very subdued for the Major Katsuragi she used to know. She knew the Aidas of course, but they seemed to be connected to the network of friendships more via Suzahara than directly. Suzaharas plural, the youngest Horaki and the youngest Suzahara were both wedding attendants and friends, but they were also giggly teenagers and she had no idea how to cope with those.

She sighed and opened her eyes to stare at the ceiling. She was thinking too much. She'd thought far too much about this already and Kodama had given her more pieces to fit together. This wasn't getting her to sleep and she was avoiding thinking about where she fit in all of this, because then her mind went to being in the middle of a Kodama-Shinji sandwich and they were both taller than she was and she already knew how that felt.

That Shinji and Kodama were emotionally entangled, but that there was something keeping them apart... if she hadn't seen that herself, Kodama had talked around it and Rei had said she'd have to ask them. It obviously wasn't Rei, but she needed a lot more conversations and paper to work out why that was.

Rei was closer to her own height, and had clearly fit quite comfortably in Shinji's arms. So the sandwich might work just as well with Shinji behind her.

She closed her eyes again, giving up on trying to think about it logically. Logically she should stay here, working and a long way from emotional complexity. Emotionally she wanted to feel that comfortable again. Physically she wished she'd asked Kodama to stay.

Wrapping that thought and the blanket around her, she finally drifted off to sleep.

She had pleasant dreams.

 

---

Kodama lay half floating and letting the heat soothe away the tensions of the night before. This was the official reason she was here after all, the company was a bonus. Probably. It wasn't managing to be the distraction she wasn't entirely sure she wanted it to be yet.

"You think we can manage to talk about something that isn't him?" 

"What about the other man in your life?"

"Ugh! No! I haven't even thought about him since before the Impact."

"Liar."

"I haven't even told Shinji, so close enough." Last night's fantasies and crying jag were far too close and she wasn't going to talk about either.  

"The other girl in your life?"

"Now you're fishing. Sorry to say you're the closest thing I have to a female friend who's not one of my sisters. Not sorry to have met you, just that's the state of my social life. Some of my classmates were cute, but also so painfully straight they thought the gender and sexuality course should have been in with the abnormal psychology one. It's hard to be friends with people who think your mere existence is a mental disorder."

"So your ulterior motive was to see if I was interested?"

"To see if I was first. If we even got along beyond Rei's cuddle pile protection field."

Maya laughs, "I'd claim there was no such thing if I hadn't been there. I do know there's no such thing, but Rei seems to treat 'cuddles' as if it's a magic word."

"Isn't it? I bet you woke up more rested than you've been in years, and I'm good but it would take more than you falling asleep with your head on my breast to do that."

"Meep" reiterated Maya, attempting to cover her face before realizing that meant she was no longer holding her towel in place. Her attempt to catch it before it fell was as futile as her attempt to hide her embarrassment.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Are you?" Maya's curiosity overcame her embarrassment.

"Am I what?"

"Good to your girlfriends."

"Good enough they came back, not good enough they stayed. Better than they deserved. Who told you? Shinji or Hikari?"

"Shinji. Though I thought he was just trying to use me to distract you. Why would Hikari?"

"Other than she's been trying to set me up with someone for years? She accidentally walked in on me once and deliberately spied through the door I left open at least one other time."

"You're an exhibitionist?"

"Education. She was too prim to ask. I was a lot more carefree then, I didn't think about it being inappropriate. She successfully seduced Asuka though, so at least it had one positive outcome." 

Careless and inconsiderate was probably more accurate. Perhaps her inability to care as much as she should was part of she ended up in the position she had. At least now she considered the consequences of her actions, not that it seemed to help much. She'd just gotten better at picking people who wouldn't take advantage of her, even when she wanted them to.

"Wait, Hikari seduced Asuka? I always assumed Asuka asked Hikari out, she was always the domineering one."

"Hikari was Class Representative, despite being the youngest in the year, the moment Asuka suggested she might possibly be interested, Hikari had her wrapped around her finger. Sure they butt heads at times, but Hikari is persistent, she usually gets her way."

Maya didn't respond, looking lost in thought.

"Hey, what's up, you look unhappy there. Did I say too much again?"

"No. Just. I walked in on someone once. It had a much less happy ending. I like learning things, but not that way."

"Well if there's any of that lemon drink left, we can commiserate over crappy relationships later."

Maya laughs, "You walked back here didn't you? There's plenty left."

 

---

Maya took a long swallow and let her brain turn lemon flavoured. 

She didn't need it to relax, she was almost as relaxed as she was when she'd woken up wrapped around Shinji, with the girl she was leaning against pressed against her back. At least they were dressed this time. She hadn't laughed, or cried, this much in a long time.

"I bet mine was worse."

"How much?"

"How much worse?"

"No, how much are you going to bet?"

"Oh. I didn't mean an actual bet. I don't think it's the sort of thing we should do that with."

"You're right. Strip-trauma is probably the worst idea for a game."

Maya blushes and is glad she's facing away from Kodama.

"Sorry, me and my bad taste again."

Maya shakes her head, "No need to apologize, I know gallows humor when I hear it. When a ten percent chance of surviving the night is considered high, people say all sorts of things."

Kodama reached around Maya for her glass and took a long slow sip.

"So before the end of the world, I was seventeen, pregnant and just been ditched for my supposed best friend who 'accidentally' fucked the sperm donor. After the end of the world I fell for the person who caused my child to no longer exist."

"I was in love with my boss, and walked in on her having sex with her boss."

"Ouch, but I think I win."

"When they weren't screwing each other they were screwing over everyone else. I mean everyone, they were helping end the world."

"You were in love with Akagi?"

Maya nods morosely and takes another drink, "How do you know her?"

"Shinji hates her as much as his father."

"A lot then. He once threatened to tear apart Central Dogma to hit him. Umm. The main Nerv building. It's a massive maze of a pyramid. Was. He was still in his Eva at the time, he actually could have if Major Katsuragi hadn't talked him down."

"Who was he defending?"

"What makes you say that?"

"He doesn't get angry when it's him, just when it's someone he cares about."

"Suzahara."

"Toji? Hikari was very upset too. So what do you want?"

"I'd need the rest of the bottle to tell you that. Then I wouldn't be able to anyway."

"I could stay if you wanted. You have a t-shirt I know will fit and your couch is comfortable enough."

"You aren't going to talk yourself into my bed?"

"If you want me to keep you warm, you'll have to ask, and if you want any more than that you'll have to ask when we're both sober. Which I'm definitely not."

Maya lifted her head off Kodama's shoulder. She hadn't meant to put it there in the first place but her new friend hadn't mentioned it whenever it had happened. The separation pried its way through her intoxication. She'd blame herself for this later, and Shinji for reminding her what it felt like to be touched, and Rei for putting her in this position in the first place. Besides, this much alcohol and her core temperature would be dropping.

She stood slowly and unsteadily, then bent to close and pick up the bottle.

Kodama looked up at her, "I can see myself out," but she was talking to Maya's back. She closed her eyes, she'd get up in a moment, the cold air would clear her head and return some sensibility. Then she could go cry herself to sleep again in her room at the springs.

She woke when something soft dropped on her head. After she'd untangled herself from the familiar shirt, she looked up at a flushed and smiling Maya.

"It is not safe for you to leave with the temperature outside. "

 

---

Kodama sat carefully down on the bed and gently pushed Maya's hair out of her eyes. Her bladder was comfortably relieved of what had felt like a gallon of water that Maya had made her drink to help reduce her hangover. Her mind was not at all relieved of the thoughts Maya had put there.

Watching her sleep was not helping. It was a lot less obvious when she was awake, when height, posture and mannerisms hid the similarities, but asleep, calm and almost relaxed, her face was hauntingly familiar. She mentally shook her head, careful to not actually move and disturb the sleeping woman. There was having a type, and there was whatever the hell was going on in her head right now. At least she felt no attraction to Rei at all, not even the Lemon Mind Death could make that happen.

Thankfully they had both been dressed when she woke - Shinji's t-shirt was as comfortable as ever, and Maya was wearing perhaps the least sexy pair of plain pajamas she'd seen. At least the ones with penguins on that her sister wore were cute. All things considered, that was probably a good thing.

She must still be drunk, she was seriously considering that the best solution was to date them both. Actually date, not just end up in a naked cuddle pile, or a three-and-a-half-some. The image of her very suddenly ex-s flickered through her mind, she'd told Maya quite a lot more than she'd even told Shinji, and it was raw again in a way it hadn't been for a couple of years.

Replacing it with an image of Maya and Shinji together was disturbing only in how easy it was. She'd seen him naked of course, and Maya had eventually given up when her towel floated away, so she'd finally seen the rest of her. She wouldn't be crying and running away though. She'd be watching from the doorway with her hand between her legs. She'd be bringing them drinks while they cuddled in the aftermath. The most ridiculous thing about the images now stuck in her mind was that she'd enjoy both of them equally.

She closed her eyes and pushed away her thoughts and tried to put her emotions aside. She needed to untangle herself from all this, get her mind straight and decide what was the best thing to do. Not imagine herself being kissed.

She wasn't imagining it.

She opened her eyes.

She very reluctantly pushed Maya away. 

Maya opened her eyes, mumbled something about having a pleasant dream and ran her hands down Kodama's body until she reached the bottom edge of the shirt.

At which point Kodama's brain reengaged and she grabbed Maya's hands and pulled them away. 

"Maya! You're not dreaming."

"Eeep!" Maya tried to back away but failed miserably, partly because she was sitting up in bed - a position not conducive to doing much other than falling back onto the bed, which would be a really bad idea - partly because she was holding Kodama's hands, or vice verse, or both, or.

"I'm sorry," Maya dropped her head, suddenly quite awake and wishing she was not. Not awake. Not here. Not remembering kissing anyone. She still hadn't managed to let go.

"Hey," and suddenly Maya was wrapped in a comforting pair of arms, which didn't smell of mint failing to hide the smoke, which didn't have the metallic blood scent of LCL, a hand that stroked her hair soothingly not like she was a lost kitten or a dog that performed successfully. She sniffled. She'd finally kissed a real girl and she'd been asleep. Mostly. She'd probably ruined her new friendship too, with someone who actually seemed to care and didn't keep secrets nested in secrets. Now she was making Kodama wet and not in a good way, but the tears didn't stop just because she wanted them to.

Kodama's voice was, like her hands, unexpectedly soft and gentle, "It's a bit after 3 am and we're both still somewhat drunk. If you want to decide that's all that happened, that's alright. If you want to try again when we're both rested, I don't think I'd mind that. If you need time to think... well so do I. We've had rather a crash course in getting to know each other and I'd like to keep doing that, though perhaps a little slower."

"You don't hate me?"

"Of course not," Kodama's arms tightened around her for a moment, the hand that had been stroking her hair moving to rub her back. "I'm not as stubborn as my sister, if I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be."

Maya sniffles and manages a half smile that Kodama can't see, "Good. I'd feel even worse if the first person I kissed hated me for it."

"First? You were quite good for your first time, especially half asleep," Kodama's tone is light and teasing.

Maya blushes, "First with a real person. It was nicer than my dream."

Kodama smiles, it had been a long time since she'd kissed a girl and she hadn't been lying, though she was starting to think she was going to find anything involving Maya enjoyable.

"Why don't I get us both some more water while you're in the bathroom. Then you can go back to your pleasant dreams. We can talk about it in the morning if you want, or I can leave and you won't have to cope with me as well as yourself."

Maya nods into Kodama's shoulder, she'd need at least a week by herself, but she also didn't want to let go, or go too fast and ruin things. Whatever too fast meant. Four years was too slow, even if Kodama was that patient, she wasn't. She wanted to kiss her again, when she was properly awake and sober and could enjoy it. More. Enjoy it more, because that had been very nice and if she wasn't careful she was going to get carried away.

 

---

"Kodama?"

"Yes?"

"Stop trying to avoid touching me. You'll fall off the bed."

"But."

"But nothing. You can hold me. I'm even wearing clothing this time. I will not even take it off until I am completely sober."

"What's gotten into you, you're being all formal at me."

"Nothing. Yet."

Kodama smiles and rolls over, draping an arm over Maya.

Maya snuggles back against her, "Tighter. Please."

Kodama pushes down the urge to do more than just hold her and pulls her close. If she survives this she's going to have to borrow Shinji for as long as they can stand each other's company. 

"Like that," whispers Maya just loud enough to hear, her voice soft and the commanding tone gone as abruptly as it came.

"Sleep well."

They did.

 

Chapter 24: Bathtime and Kintsugi

Summary:

2018, May

Notes:

This takes place between Neighbours and Sex and Scenarios. It also contains spoilers for Kodama and Other Revelations amongst other things, so I may not move it into chronological order.

"My turn?"

Shinji looked up to see Rei's head poking around her door to the bathroom. He was tired, it had been a strenuous couple of weeks for both of them, but if Rei wanted the bath he'd just filled first he wasn't going to stop her. Though he might not have the energy to move very far unless she asked to be by herself.

He was checking his towel was firmly in place and gathering the energy to get off the wash stool when her hand fell on his shoulder. Her touch was light, but just as effective as if she'd tied him in place.

"My turn," no longer a question but a command.

"You have been taking care."

She didn't bother to say of what. He had been taking care of the literal wave of returnees that had washed up on the shore in the thousands, possibly tens of thousands as in the brief time he had to look the weather had obscured the beach before it ran out of people. He didn't know the total count yet, probably no one would for at least another week, if ever. It didn't matter to him, he didn't care about the numbers, he cared about the people.

At least no one had drowned, the sea had been so thick with LCL they were doing injury checks to make sure none of the red liquid running down people's bodies was coming out of them from places it shouldn't.

There were whole families scattered by the waves, at least those were easier to put together, and in a few cases better for the momentary separation. Soaking wet, naked and smelling of blood was not how most teenage girls wanted to rejoin their parents - especially if their parents were in the same state.

One family in particular had stood out. Hikari's family was unusually large, a family with five children was exceptional. He had recognized the protective look in their eyes as if they were daring anyone to try to make an issue of it. He certainly wasn't going to do any more than make a note of the name they provided. He wouldn't burden them further, but they might have suggestions as to where to place the next child he needed to find a good home for.

Rei broke his reverie by wrapping her arms around him and pressing herself against his back.

"Ready?"

He hoped she meant for the bath. He'd rather be awake if there was a reason she was probably completely naked other than she was going to get wet anyway. At least Rei smelled of herself, a complex layering of scents from herself and her day, none of which were blood, LCL, or salt. He relaxed a little. If he had to deal with another naked person today, he'd far rather it was Rei. Even if she was dragging herself across his back in what was pretending to be an attempt to reach the washcloth.

She stopped pretending and just knelt with her arms wrapped around him, letting her own weight press herself against him. She continued obeying the laws of gravity until he reached out and handed her the cloth out of the bucket of warm soapy water. Not that she stopped doing afterwards, just his head was being weird and Rei's mood, whatever it was, wasn't helping.

Unlike how they'd started, his back was the last part of him she actually washed. The stretching involved in letting her wash his legs without losing contact or letting him see her face was awkward but had actually helped. Hopefully the inevitable morning stretches with Asuka would be slightly less painful. At least he could get out of any further exercise by simply falling asleep. That wasn't likely to be difficult if he was already half asleep under Rei's gentle hands.

"Hey!" He was awake again now.

"Rinsing," stated Rei belatedly and very much deliberately so.

 

---

"Was there something you wanted?" he asked as Rei settled into the tub behind him. He'd made the bath for himself, there wasn't enough room for the half meter of bubbles Rei sometimes demanded.

She kissed his shoulder and reached between his legs.

"Something I have."

Which she then proceeded to play with until it ceased being floppy and amusing, and stopped making whatever pattern of eddies in the bath water that held her fascination.

"What's gotten into you?"

"Not you," she sounded playful, at least until her teeth bit into his shoulder just hard enough to break the skin.

She licked the wound she'd created, "Now you have."

Shinji sighed.

She lay back, pulling him with her, "No sexual intercourse until I am older."

This was Rei, older could be a million years or five minutes. At least there didn't seem to be a risk of it being a million years in the next five minutes. She was acting her supposed age, eyes bright red, in a playful mood as if a burden had been lifted.

He wondered how much of her had come out of the sea wrapped around human souls. Or it could just be that he hadn't come home last night and she'd missed him. Whichever it was, it had been far longer than the recent intense days of recoveries since she'd been like this.

He tilted his head back and kissed her cheek, "Sorry I've been busy, remember I love you". He did, in almost every way imaginable, several that weren't - you had to have been there, several no one should - you had to have been there, and some only she would understand - because she'd been there.

"I do." She nibbled on his ear, which at least was very clean now, like the rest of him.

"Did Hikari not feed you?"

"Food. Not you."

"When Asuka says she's having Hikari for dessert, she doesn't mean literally."

"I am aware of this. Dessert is supposed to be sweet."

Shinji laughs, "What did she do this time?" Hikari could indeed be sweet when she wanted to, but she was still a Horaki.

"Not do. She did not wash properly before second breakfast."

"Is that why you did such a thorough job?"

"You were dirty, you smelled of other people and the sea, and I wanted to touch you."

"Conjunctions? Are you feeling alright?"

"I am feeling you. This is sufficient." She pauses her stroking and kisses his shoulder, "You are aware that I am capable of normal speech patterns. It is usually unnecessary. Nor worth the effort."

Shinji smiles, "You sure you're alright?"

"Hai!"

Shinji laughs, the motion making small waves along the length of the tub.

 

---

"Wrinkly. Cool. Wake up heart-piece. Bed."

Rei studied him as she dried him off. The only new wound was the rapidly healing one she had inflicted herself. On the outside. On the inside. On the inside under the exhaustion. Some healing. Some new. Some reopened. There was only so much she could do. By herself. Alone. She was never alone. Herself was a rather large consideration. There was only so much Rei could do. That did not narrow it down. She was Rei. More just Rei. More all of Rei. More Rei. More Shinji. 

She buried her face in the towel she had been drying his hair with. If she was not careful she would let her awareness of soul mating influence her actions. She would want. She would break things. The fragile web of relationships. Her friends. Her body. Her Shinji. Her Shinji who loved her. Whatever she had done. Whatever she did. Whatever she had been. Whatever she was. Whatever she would become.

"Rei?" came his voice from under the towel.

"Bed."

She picked him up before he could try to argue. He was not heavy enough for the weight of him. In her life. In the world.

 

---

Rei crawled into the bed and pulled the covers over them before changing her mind and clambering over him so she could nestle face to face. 

"When you said you were taking me to bed, I thought you meant yours." Not that he'd had any say in the matter even if he wanted to, she'd just picked him up and carried him out of the bathroom.

"Mine tomorrow. This is clean. Hikari is doing laundry. You are not allowed."

That made sense, given the current unpredictable weather there was no guarantee that things would dry in time. Them having different sized beds made sense in many ways. Laundry was not one of them. Who had decided he wasn't allowed to help with it he didn't know. He wasn't going to argue with any of them. He didn't have the energy to out stubborn even one of his housemates.

"Rest. Until the weekend. You are away."

His arms tightened around her, pressing them together almost uncomfortably. 

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Kodama."

She was not the only person who needed him to fill the cracks. She understood what they would find. It was a piece they would have to heal together. Telling them everything would break things. Precious things. They all needed to be stronger.

"I will bite you. You will regret."

Shinji didn't bother asking whether it was the biting, going, or not going that he was going to regret. Apparently he'd put things off long enough Rei was ... well she was giving him the benefit of a choice and she didn't sound playful. But he was also exhausted and she was still pressed tightly against him as if he hadn't relaxed his grip.

"Can I sleep first?"

"Sleep. Cuddles. Food. Love you."

 

---

Several days later Shinji stared at the single bed in the single room, accepted the apologies from the owner of the small inn, said absolutely nothing about Rei having made sure he did indeed get 'sleep. cuddles. food.' every day, and ignored Kodama leaning against the doorframe laughing.

If he didn't know for certain otherwise, he'd have started to doubt the 'love you' part of Rei's bedtime declarations.

 

---

Kodama sat on the edge of the bed next to him, clean and willing. Which was possibly an even worse idea than the reason they were here. Which is why she was wearing a nightgown that was as easy to lift over her head as it had been to pull on, sitting on the edge of the bed she was about to share with a boy she definitely liked, wondering if the parts she couldn't see were just as attractive.

It wasn't covering her anxiety in the least, but at least the expression on his face when he discovered the situation they were in had been hilarious. 

Tomorrow would be a lot worse, whatever the answer to her question was, and while he had hugged her in greeting he'd spent their journey so far brooding. Well, staring off into the distance lost in thought and worry about something. Alright, brooding it was. She needed to do something about that which didn't involve kissing him. She wanted him present, not literally running away.

"If you ever have to tell my sister about this trip, you have to tell her about us ending up sharing a bed because the previous guests utterly destroyed the other one."

Finally he looked up at her, she was probably just imagining his eyes lingering.

"What? The door wasn't locked. 'Slightly damaged' my ass. There was a piece embedded in the wall."

He looked skeptical, at least that was an improvement.

"So quit thinking this is somehow your fault. I know you couldn't have known." 

She reached out and took his hand, she'd hopefully be holding a lot more of him shortly, but this somehow felt more intimate.

"Thank you for coming with me. I"

Then he had his arms around her and she was crying on his shoulder. Not even cute delicate little sobs, but loud gasping wails that twisted in her gut. He stroked her back and ran his fingers through her hair. Which reminded her of her ex-girlfriend and not at all of the ex-boyfriend she'd taken with her. That started her off again.

He was still holding her gently, soothingly, as if she actually mattered, when she ran out of tears. Just tears, not of the roiling grief, loss, relief, anxiety and pain that had settled in to stay for a while. The emptiness was better than this. She could be the calm professional, the dedicated student, the caring sibling, not really being touched by anything or anyone.

She lifted her head and turned her head so he couldn't see her face before pushing him away.

"Go get cleaned up. There's a shower as well as the bath."

"Will you be alright?"

"Until you get back." Oh gods, she sounded so desperate. She was. There was no way she'd make it through the night alone now. Tomorrow was going to have been hard to start with. Maybe it would be even worse, but maybe it would be better if she could talk him into holding her the same way. She risked looking at him, or talk him out of doing so.

 

---

The doctor put her tools away to be sterilized and looked up. She'd known they were lying as soon as she'd seen them. She just thought it was about something else. 

She'd recognized Kodama Horaki of course, just she'd expected her to be coming in with her first child to talk about her second. She'd looked calmer than last time, but that was to be expected. She hadn't seen many, but enough to recognize the panic of an unexpected and unwanted pregnancy, even when the parent wasn't a teenager and the world might end the next day.

She certainly hadn't expected to find her childless and holding the hand of 'Mr. Horaki' so hard she was going to have to check him for broken bones.

She looked from one to the other. He hadn't left her side except briefly when she'd insisted on talking to her patient alone, he was too young to be the father of her first child, at least she fervently hoped he wasn't the father. If she didn't know better, she'd be almost certain neither of them had even had sex, with anyone not just each other.

"As I said, you can tell me anything in front of him. I'll just be telling him anyway." The young woman had taken his hand again as soon as her underwear was back in place. He hadn't even blushed through the whole examination. Even her own husband would have been very embarrassed, but this young man seemed both interested and unsurprised.

There wasn't an easy way to say this other than directly, "You didn't miscarry, you were never pregnant. Clearly you were, you came all the way out here because I know that. Knew that. There's no evidence now. If there were a test for it, I'd check if you'd even had sex before."

"Not since I got back."

"I'm going to have to tell someone. It will help if you give me permission to use your records."

"That won't be necessary."

"Mr. Horaki."

"Ikari. I'll handle it."

He was too young to know who to talk to. She wasn't even sure herself, things might be somewhat more organized than in the early days, but what the current point of contact was she'd have to ask around to find out. Then she paused. That they'd been lying about their relationship to allow him to accompany her was not a surprise. But that name was familiar.

"Oh. Fuck." 

That was a terribly unprofessional reaction and she was very glad her chair hadn't rolled somewhere as she collapsed into it.

"Not yet."

Now the young Ikari blushed. She gave up assuming anything about these two.

 

---

She was sitting on the bed at the Inn again. There would be a train in the morning, weather permitting, and that would be the fastest way to get home. If there had been one today, they had long since missed it. Her appointment had taken much longer than expected, she'd hoped it would be a simple exam and the worst part would be cold tools on parts she didn't want anyone else touching. But between the extended exam looking for things that not only weren't there, never had been. Except she hadn't panicked over nothing, the doctor had been very clear about that. She had no idea how she was supposed to feel.

Then they'd had to stay while he was examined for broken bones.

Then they'd had to stay while he made a phone call and calmly answered the increasingly panicked questions from the R&R staff as things escalated.

Then he'd called home to tell them they wouldn't be back until tomorrow.

He hadn't let go of her hand through all of this, which meant she'd also overheard Rei reminding him she loved him and to take care. He'd squeezed her hand when Rei had said that, which meant that Rei knew he was taking care of her.

This did not make how she was supposed to feel any clearer.

 

---

He sat down next to her, still with a towel on his head drying his hair and wearing just the shorts he'd slept in the night before.

That was not making how she was supposed to feel any clearer either.

"Uh, Kodama?" Now he looks nervous and uncomfortable? Not while he was joining the doctor in staring at her crotch? Or explaining in intimate detail what he was going to do if the person he was talking to didn't start changing protocols and creating an outreach program right now. There was definitely something wrong with her that she'd found that hot. At least he was using her name. He'd actually called her Miss Horaki - in English! 

"What is it?"

"Would you like to sleep without your nightgown?"

And she thought her timing was bad.

"Oh. No. Sorry!" he blurted, "I didn't mean it like that. Just something Rei didn't say. Sometimes skin contact helps when you're feeling off, and you seemed very comfortable this morning, even with everything, and I thought it might help and I'm sorry for even suggesting it, and"

She put a finger on his lips. That was another bad idea in her long history of poor decision making. It stopped him talking though, which she needed right now. Once she took her finger back and stopped thinking things she shouldn't, it wasn't actually as terrible an idea as her own. She had been really comfortable when she woke up with him pressed against her back with his arms holding her close so she didn't roll off the bed. She wouldn't have gotten through today without him being there. He was trying to be supportive, he'd been doing very well so far, she just needed to not screw this up and assume it was something else. 

He definitely had a gift for understatement though, "feeling off". She felt as if her entire world had been rearranged, again, and she was in the middle of it, not, not whatever had happened during the Impact. She felt even less herself than when he'd carried her out of the sea. He'd seen even more of her now.

"Sorry, I'll"

"Shut up or I'll make you take it off," or maybe I'll find a gag somewhere before my mouth gets me into more trouble.

He turned to stare at the opposite wall, she laughed, then bit her lip before it became hysterical, one monumental crying jag in his arms was quite enough. Maybe if they got through tonight without another one, she'd tease him about refusing to watch her undress when he'd already seen her naked.

 

---

"Shinji?"

"mmrm?"

"If you apologize for where your hand is when you finish waking up, I'll tell Hikari." 

She wouldn't of course, Hikari had been dropping hints as subtle as ... there was probably a suitable metaphor but she was very comfortable and not awake enough to be dealing with her sister. She loved her family, she wasn't completely broken, but telling Hikari about this would definitely come back to bite her. Her sister would definitely jump to conclusions, and despite the hand gently cupping her breast and the thumb brushing across her skin, the complete absence of anything firm against her meant it would be the wrong conclusion. He was comforting her, but that's all it was. He was still doing a very good job of it.

She could almost hear him not saying anything as he stopped moving.

"I don't mind. It's soothing and it's helping me feel a little less... off." 

It was. Maybe she could ask Rei if it was alright to borrow him again. She wasn't sure if she needed permission, their relationship was ambiguous and she hadn't realized she might need a reason to find out before. It was definitely better to be very clear about her intentions, once she worked out what they were. She was going to make a whole new set of mistakes, she didn't need to repeat that one.

 

---

Shinji had abandoned her alone with Rei, at least it felt that way even though he was only a few meters away, but he'd closed his bedroom door behind him and Rei was looking at her like she was a bug to be pinned, mounted and nailed to the wall, and not in the way that had just gone through her mind featuring a naked Shinji, he was definitely strong enough to pin her to whatever he wanted, but she didn't think of Rei like that at all, which was a good thing, her life was already far too complicated, and Shinji had been very kind and gentle with his hands when she was having her breakdown, and she wanted to squirm but she couldn't even move.

"Did he kiss you properly?"

Kodama's panic neatly derailed, she managed a very intelligent "Huh?"

"Is that not the correct question when someone you love brings home a Horaki?"

"Uh?"

"The parallels are not identical. Was there a different question I should ask?"

Kodama shook her head to try to clear it, it had been a rough and confusing few days and she was realizing she was not up to this today. She should have let him leave her at her apartment but she'd been unwilling to part just then and thought she needed to clear things up with Rei.

"You love him like he loves Asuka?"

"No. You cannot take him from me."

"Oh." 'Well, that answered that question rather clearly. Time to go then.'

She had already started to turn towards the door when a hand grabbed hers. Not Shinji's, she'd already become familiar with how that felt.

"You misunderstood."

Kodama turned back and Rei let go.

"Asuka is simple. We are not. If you wish to have an emotional as well as a sexual relationship"

"I did not fuck your boyfriend!" Kodama yelled, then rapidly subdued under the look Rei was giving her, "He didn't kiss me properly because he didn't kiss me at all."

"... it will require considerable effort," Rei finished. "There will be worse things than me, or listening to your sister's morning orgasm."

Kodama looked at her confusedly. Rei hadn't even blinked at her outburst, but she desperately didn't want to be the kind of person that did that to someone else. But she'd also woken up topless with his hand holding her breast in a way that was definitely not appropriate to do with someone else's boyfriend, then asked him to keep it there. Even if Rei didn't hate her for it, she might hate herself. Make that definitely hate herself, because she'd do it again in a heartbeat if it meant being that comfortable, that cared for, that right, no matter how wrong it was.

"There is soundproofing. It is insufficient."

Kodama tries not to think about her little sister's sex life, even if she's probably responsible for it. It's still better than her own self inflicted guilt trip.

"You don't mind?"

"He is good with kisses. I would be sad if he did not kiss you properly."

Rei reached up and cupped Kodama's face gently.

"He is good with his hands. Food. Baths. Cuddles. Comfort. Sleep."

Rei's caress as she withdrew her hand was gentle.

"I will remind him before you see him next week."

Kodama blinks.

"You need time and cuddles. As do I."

 

Notes:

This was supposed to be just a bit of WAFF in the bath. Rei had other ideas. So you get more of Rei's perspective and more Kodama. Rei should use her long sentences more when talking to people who aren't Shinji.

Feedback welcome, this didn't go through the same endless rounds of revisions. Any remaining issues are mine not my beta reader's.

Chapter 25: Love and Comfort

Summary:

2018, May

On the second night of their trip, Shinji is left alone with his thoughts by a sleeping Kodama.

Shinji lay in bed feeling guilty, comfortable, guilty for feeling comfortable and trying to work out what else he was feeling.

Other than the bare skin of the sleeping and almost naked woman he was holding.

It was all his fault of course. Everything was his fault. Except the Elephants, that was entirely Rei, he didn't know anything about Elephants. Just this specific situation was his fault in a much more concrete way.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. 

He'd recognised the look on her face, he'd seen it in the mirror often enough. Loss. Loneliness. Emptiness. Everything was too real. Nothing was real. 

On the bad days, he would wake to find Rei wrapped around him as if she could squeeze between the layers of his AT field by sheer force of will, or strength of limb. On the worse days, she would strip them both completely naked, the little extra bit of skin contact making a difference. On the worst days. He wasn't going to think about that. Things hadn't been that bad in a while.

So it had seemed like a good idea at the time, at least when it came out of his mouth and before he thought about it properly.

This was Hikari's sister. Hikari's older sister. Hikari's hot older sister. Which is not something he'd ever say in Hikari's hearing, because she'd start dropping hints again. He'd fought Angels smaller than Hikari's hints.

Yet here he was anyway, for reasons that could possibly be different than both Rei's and Hikari's but he wasn't sure in which ways. 

He could blame Hikari of course, he'd never have even talked to Kodama without her inviting her sisters over for dinner. He wouldn't have done much even then if he hadn't been late that time, coming home smelling so strongly of salt and ocean water that Nozomi had wrinkled her nose and Hikari had ordered him into the shower before he was allowed to eat. Of course she'd ruined the effect, and the dinner conversation, by suggesting her sister might like to help.

Which meant he'd been sitting on the balcony feeling embarrassed when Kodama had sat down quietly next to him and apologized for Hikari. Then asked him why he was late. No one else asked, they already knew where he spent his time, and why. They didn't pry because he didn't want to talk about it.

Except he had. It had been easy talking to Kodama about his day. He didn't need to say why and she didn't ask. He could talk about the old man who'd walked out of the sea, then refused to move until his wife arrived. He could talk about the couple who came out together arguing, possibly the same argument they'd been having when the world ended. He could talk about supply lines, contact networks, how things changed from day to day.

If he'd been paying attention that day he might have noticed her expression when he talked about the need for doctors and nurses, how everyone got retrained in first aid and emergency care when someone more experienced returned. That they were still stretched so thin that knowing who to ask, and how to ask them, was as important as knowing which places hadn't yet been stripped bare of usable food and clothing.

He'd failed at school, people and well, everything, working all that out was as important as finding new ways to cook the fish Rei caught from the lake. It had taken several attempts to find a way she could keep down, and sometimes it was all they had had to eat.

The next time he'd been home when she arrived, Hikari was out collecting Nozomi and Asuka had been cooking. Well, Rei had been doing most of the work, but technically Asuka was making dinner.

So he'd sat and listened to her talk about her day, about actually missing school - the learning part, not the part with teenagers who pretended they hadn't gone through the end of the world and the only difference seemed to be that they bickered about who had scavenged the nicest clothes or the best makeup rather than bought it. He'd laughed at that, gotten up and come back with a small bag. "I don't think you need it, but you'll win." The look on her face had been priceless. Literally. Chihiro was going to laugh at him if he ever remembered to tell her, but that was worth it too.

Still, it had been a year before she had come to him to ask if he could find her old doctor, turning up unexpectedly while Hikari and Asuka were out on a date and Rei was off on a mission to find an out of season strawberry, and a month after that before she'd told him why. She'd hugged him then, and not seen the guilt and fear.

He needed to be home before he could begin to cope with that fear being proved right. He'd made demands in the moment, just how terrible a disaster he'd caused would take longer to learn.

Right now, all he could do was help one person. He wasn't sure if that made it better or worse. This was Kodama, perhaps not a close friend but a kind of family, if all he could do was hold her while she worked out if he'd ruined her life or somehow saved it, then he could do that.

He stroked her back gently as she murmured in her sleep. That might help her, but it wasn't helping him. She was shaped differently than Rei, and taller even than Asuka. Not that he'd been in bed naked with Asuka, thankfully, even Hikari would be better than that. She definitely felt differently than the first time he'd seen her naked, something they hadn't talked about, but then she was clean and smelled slightly of soap not dripping with red seawater and smelling of mud, salt and blood. At least she was holding on gently and not breaking his hand. Which he almost certainly deserved, that and much more. 

Especially for thinking about how neatly trimmed Kodama's pubic hair had been. It made sense, the doctor had been putting instruments in places that would be even more uncomfortable if they'd trapped a hair or more, but hadn't been anything that would have occurred to him. There wasn't anyone qualified to examine Rei. Maybe he should study, it would make him a little less useless.

He could try to blame this on Rei, if there was something that wasn't his fault there was a high chance of her being responsible for whatever it was. But he couldn't come up with a way she could have managed to get them to share a bed, even if he was certain now that she would have if she could. He could definitely blame Rei for the half-naked cuddles, but he was entirely to blame for actually asking.

He might like to think he'd do this for anyone who needed it, but there was even less of him than there was of Rei, and there was only one Rei - even when Nerv had been hiding the reason she had come back to him in the basement. Even he wasn't good enough at lying to himself to pull that off. He couldn't be there for everyone, he didn't want to be there for everyone, there were only a few people he could cope with touching him for any length of time. Even if Rei had proved fairly conclusively that it was no longer possible for AT fields to interpenetrate, touch felt dangerous when it wasn't someone he was close to.

Real touch. He carried so many people out of the ocean, helped so many others, wrapped towels and blankets around unknown numbers of people. Unknown because he didn't know all their names, not because he didn't know exactly how many there were. There was that disjointed simultaneous reality and unreality about it. They were real people. He was not really touching them. It was more than a polite fiction. It was not the impersonal touch of a doctor. Doctors couldn't tell the difference between the curve of an AT field and the wrinkle of skin. They were not real people. He was touching them anyway. It didn't translate into words he knew. It was not an experience he could explain.

None of which explained what he was currently doing. Because he was definitely touching Kodama. He wanted to be touching Kodama.

Oh.

Admittedly he was a bit slow, he wasn't used to being this far from Rei, and his body was giving him very mixed signals.

He was horny. You'd possibly think that was a common occurrence for someone who was still technically a teenager, but he was along way from being a normal teenager, and simple wasn't a word that applied to him, and even less so to his relationship with Rei. Which meant the obvious conclusion was that he was horny for Kodama specifically not just in general. He knew what that felt like, he lived on a street full of unavailable attractive women, he was still human. Probably. He had to hear his housemates soundproofing resistant sex lives. He had Rei, who could be playful or serious, whose affections could be very adult or adorably childlike. He'd thought about Asuka that way a lot before the end of the world. He might think about others, except Asuka, while relieving himself, but other than Rei it wasn't about them. He hadn't expected to react this way to someone else.

Rei could have warned him. 

Oh.

More things she had said by not saying anything.

Well, he was not going to abuse her trust by doing anything about it. He didn't need to add yet another layer of guilt. To hurt her more than he already had.

Love and Comfort.

When had he gotten to the point where he entertained the idea that he could be loved again? That he might be capable of loving someone?

Rei would survive him loving her. Asuka had Hikari to help her cope. He couldn't inflict that on anyone else.

Comfort, well at least today he could manage that.

He ran his fingers through her hair, undoing a tangle. He stroked her back and listened to the soft sigh that sounded a little like Rei when she was content. He ran his fingertips along her thigh where her leg lay across him, her foot tucked between his legs, her skin smooth and soft, her muscles tensing then relaxing under his touch.

He stopped. She'd agreed to sleep, and being held, nothing else. Even if it was making her relax. Even if it was making him relax. 

He was probably just confusing everything the day had stirred up. He closed his eyes. He'd sort it out later, later when he was back with Rei, where he belonged, even if she seemed to have other opinions about the places he should be.

Notes:

My beta reader asked what Shinji was thinking during the trip. So this is the part I wrote.

I may merge it into Bathtime and Kintsugi so it's in with the flow of the rest of the trip.

Chapter 26: Vomit and Other Signs of Love

Summary:

2018, Late September - 2019, May

---

2018, Late September

---

Kodama retched once more into the toilet bowl producing nothing more than some stomach acid that burned its way up.

This was a terrible way to treat the meal Shinji had made for her. Which is an utterly absurd observation given her current position. At least she's feeling far too wretched to have another bout of hysteria.

She watched the remains of lunch settling in the bottom of the bowl. If she had imagined being on her knees, naked, with Shinji holding her hair tightly - which she had several times in the last week, since he'd come over and made her a nice dinner and was clearly just checking on her - this was definitely not what she had been thinking. That this was actually an improvement on half an hour ago was something she wished she wasn't thinking about.

"Can you sit up long enough for me to get you some water?"

She wasn't sure she could keep even that down, but at least she could rinse her mouth out. She nodded slightly, her hair pulling against her scalp before he followed her motion without dropping a strand.

---

She was still kneeling in place, not trusting her body not to find something more to eject, when he returned with a glass of water and put it on the edge of the sink.

"Don't try to talk until you've rinsed your mouth and throat. I've thrown up enough LCL to know it's better not to. Now hold your hand up so I can clean it."

She did as she was told. Then she rinsed her mouth out with the water he handed her, and drank the rest.

"Shinji," she croaked out.

"No apologies, I agreed because I understood. That included this, and washing you afterwards, making you more food once you're up to it, and taking you back to bed."

She tried to bury her face in her hands, but he grabbed her wrist firmly, "Careful, I didn't wash that one yet."

He proceeded to do so while she sat there dejected, "You kept the water down, are you up to getting us both cleaned up?"

"Oh Rei! I hit you too?"

Shinji burst out laughing. Something was funny, it was amused not hysterical like her own, but she couldn't see what could possibly be funny about this situation.

"Nothing that won't wash," he responded, not explaining what he was laughing at.

---

She sat in the bathtub with his arms around her and the heat soaking into her skin. From the water. He had been far too efficient at getting them clean, and her heart and mind were still held together by the strength of his arms, because she had nothing left herself. If he wasn't so good at this, she'd be hating her own weakness. She didn't have the energy to hate anything, even that he'd seen her in this state.

What had Asuka said? "No questions, just full support." Maybe there should be some questions too, but he hadn't even asked who the father was. Just accepted what little she'd said and asked if it was alright if he found her gynaecologist for her. Then immediately accepted her tentative suggestion that he might come with her. 

He'd even accepted this insane idea of hers, after waking up in his arms feeling safe again. After she'd managed to persuade him to stay over, that she wanted him to, despite whatever her sister said. Of course she hadn't dared ask him to do the touching, she knew she was pushing their fragile friendship and he was doing it out of obligation and probably guilt. That he'd caused this somehow, that he'd missed noticing this. He'd vanished for nearly a month after they got back from their trip together. She thought she'd scared him off or he hated her but she still almost called to check he was alright. That would get misinterpreted of course, she couldn't hope to have any relationship with him and her sister would be annoying enough to damage whatever they had managed to piece together yet again. 

But just as she'd made up her mind to call anyway he'd contacted her. She hadn't gotten more than dinner with the family and a hug then, but it had helped. She'd seen him again over the summer, but at home with her sister around and they hadn't exchanged more than understanding looks and laughter over Asuka's movie translations. Now they were sharing a bath, the scent of soap and shampoo masking the remaining odor of her empty stomach that was fading as the apartment aired out.

She couldn't see him, but the silence felt like he was as lost in thought as she had been. Except he was here holding her now, not staring off into the distance through a train window.

"What are you thinking?" She asked in the perhaps vain hope of actually receiving an answer.

She could feel him blushing, the warmth of his face close to her neck. Now she was curious, "Out with it!"

"I'd like to talk."

"So why are you blushing?"

"Every time I've seen you alone you've been naked."

"That's not true, we were alone at the Inn. You mean you were imagining me naked." She hoped he would take that as teasing and not wishful thinking. 

"There's other ways of being naked."

"Oh." She'd been laid bare far more than if she'd been completely naked in his arms the second night,  "Is that why you wanted to talk?"

"It doesn't seem fair."

"Well, I have seen you naked now, and if you heard me complaining you were definitely imagining it." It had been brief, while he was getting them clean with what felt like impersonal and practiced efficiency, the only indication that might not be everything was his refusal to look at her face while he did so. 

"You trust me a lot for someone you don't know well."

"Hikari trusts you, very emphatically I might add, is there a reason I shouldn't? You're right though, we should know each other better than we do if we're going to keep doing this, but you've gone a long way for me and not expected anything in return. You've already earned my trust."

Unlike anyone else she'd dated, which she's not going to think about or she'll start crying again and then he'll get up and bring her water so she stays hydrated and she's really comfortable, but if she tells him that he might not be, which would spoil things more than she already had. She had a horrible feeling she was doing what was expected of her again and it was going to result in an even bigger mess. Of course it wasn't Shinji who was expecting anything, he'd been very clear about that.

"Hmm. We just need the sleep part now, can we do that like this?"

"The water will get cold, and what do you mean by 'the sleep part'?"

"I meant in the bed! And it was something Rei said after our trip: 'Food. Baths. Cuddles. Comfort. Sleep.' and you at least tried to feed me, we're cuddling in the bath, you've done nothing but comfort me since you arrived, so next is sleep. At least a nap, then maybe I can try something small to eat. Something different if possible, I enjoyed it but I don't want to give my stomach any ideas."

He nods, "As long as you drink something first."

---

She was comfortable again, her body had calmed even if her emotions hadn't and she hadn't cried in over an hour now. For once she was wishing she was as short as her sister, either of them, so the way he was wrapped around her would be even more comforting. Which was the only thing she could think of right now that would improve on being cuddled under the blanket. At least they had seasons again now and it wasn't too warm to be wrapped up together.

She was about to ruin it of course, because she was curious and had poor impulse control.

"Shinji?"

"Hmm?"

Alright, him hmming against her skin and the almost imperceptible vibration against her back was an improvement.

"You said we should get to know each other better."

"I did."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything you like. I can't promise to have an answer though."

"Why aren't you hard? I know you don't think of me that way, but you're a boy and we're naked and you just held me while I had an orgasm even if I did throw up on you afterwards and you said you never expected anything of me and wouldn't do anything I didn't ask you to and I knew you meant it but that doesn't mean you can control a physical reaction and did I break you somehow and is Rei going to be angry with me and you are probably just doing this because she told you to and you hate me and I'm just someone else you carried out of the sea and nothing special at all to anyone and so disgusting no one will ever want me again and"

"Can you stop? Please?"

She nodded, not trusting herself to respond, her question had been inappropriate, the panic had gotten the better of her. Her dumb idea had actually worked to some extent and now she didn't know how to handle it.

There was a long silence where she really hoped he was thinking how to explain whatever was going on in his head and not just running his fingertips over her skin. At least he didn't find her repulsive, that would be too much to bear. She clamped down on the panic before it ran away with her again and concentrated on the contrast on how solid he felt behind her and the feather light touch of his fingers. He was real. She was real.

Shinji on the other hand didn't even realize he was stroking Kodama's skin and was trying to unravel the layers of completely wrong to find somewhere to start. Preferably one that didn't upset the girl who'd asked him for comfort. Weird comfort, but he dealt with Rei's shifting needs, he dealt with so so many people coming back struggling with what was real, he dealt with his own nightmares and memories. At least Toji just asked for advice about his sister or his latest girlfriend, not for orgasms, that would have been too weird even for him. 

"I don't hate you. I'm not doing this because Rei told me to. If I was I wouldn't be any good at it. I'm not sure I am. You seemed calmer. Sorry. This is hard to explain."

"We have all night." Maybe that was wishful thinking. Another night in his comfortable arms was asking a lot after all she'd already put him through today. If he'd been like this when she first met him... he'd probably have kissed Asuka properly, and the world would still have ended but he wouldn't be here to hold her. She was being utterly unreasonable about preferring this option.

"Nerv shit?" He laughs, his breath warm on her neck, "That's what Hikari calls it. Asuka is more inventive."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I do, but tell me to stop if it gets too much."

"Worse than cleaning up my puking everywhere?"

"LCL smells like blood, you have to breathe it, you end up swallowing it and it has to come back out again after every training session and fight, the times I was conscious anyway. The carrots were an improvement."

"Ewww!" She tried to pay attention to the gentle hands on her stomach and not the twisting it was trying to do.

"We had special soap just to get it out of our skin and hair, at least your soap smells nice. 

"Anyway, we don't know if it's being immersed in the stuff, something about being a pilot or what was needed to connect to the Evas, or just that it was one massive cluster fuck, but to answer your first question, because I'm not near an Eva or someone who's been in one, and there aren't any Evas anymore, so you don't have to worry."

She makes a mental note to ask Asuka if there's some cultural context to 'clusterfick' other than the obvious, because otherwise she's going to say something and everything she's thinking would be a bad idea to say out loud. Fortunately he continued before she could ask just how near.

"Please don't ask how we worked that one out though."

"We?"

"Uh. I'm not answering that either."

"So it's not just that you hate me?"

"If I was lying in bed naked with a beautiful, intelligent, interesting woman that I hated, I'd be doing something other than cuddling."

"Like what?"

"Trying to remember which floor this is so I'd know if I'd die when I jumped out the window."

"What?!" she tried to turn.

"You're between me and the door."

"Good thing the window locks then."

He laughed, a short quiet laugh that reached her skin more than it did her ears.

"Are you always this ridiculous?"

He shrugs, "Sometimes I'm asleep."

She sighed, she really did need to get to know him better, if only to know which foot she was putting in her mouth.

She took his hand and twined her fingers through his, "Can we do that then? I promise to try to eat something when we wake."

 

---

2018, October

---

Shinji lay in bed wondering what on earth he was doing.

Other than the obvious of course, which was running his free hand along Kodama's side. She had her leg across him again, this time all the way with her heel tucked under his leg. That she was finally asleep didn't loosen her grip at all, but at least she wasn't as strong as limpet-Rei, so he still had circulation in his legs.

Rei didn't usually sleep in this position, she either wanted to be little spoon, lie on him as if he were the mattress, or wrap both legs and arms around him.

He could blame this on Rei. She was the one who had carefully measured out some of her bubble bath into a separate container and tucked it into a side pocket of the bag he was packing with the ingredients for dinner. She hadn't spilled a drop, her bubbles were precious and she was precise, which made her sharing them surprising.

He hadn't planned on more than dinner and conversation, he enjoyed both with Kodama when their schedules aligned and they could talk without Hikari jumping to unreasonable conclusions. Hikari would decide they were dating and start trying to schedule things and being annoying happy about it. He was almost certain Kodama didn't want that - the dating but especially the Hikari. Their growing friendship was odd certainly, and certainly it sounded strange that he didn't want to hurt her by caring about her while he was holding her naked sleeping form. 

But then he also washed the stains out of his roommates bedding knowing exactly what produced them. He'd once shaved Rei's pubic hair for her - once - she'd decided she hated it. Then she'd decided he had to stroke it to make sure it had grown back properly. He certainly wasn't going to cuddle a naked Asuka, thankfully the one he lived with had only ever sleepwalked into his bed wearing her nightwear. Technically he had slept with Hikari - he'd fallen asleep on the couch while Asuka was clearing things up after movie night and woken up with her head in his lap and Rei's on his shoulder.

He ran his fingers through her hair gently, she seemed to find that comforting and he did as well. Rei's was short at the moment and while he liked it that way he sometimes missed doing this with her when it was. Maybe he could offer to do Kodama's hair sometime, he'd certainly had lots of practice and perhaps she'd look good with a braid. It would be easier to keep out of the way if she threw up again too but that wasn't what he was imagining. He wouldn't wish Piloting on anyone but Kodama would definitely look good in a plugsuit, especially if they came in black, with boots.

Well, there were a lot of things wrong with him but his perverted imagination still worked. He wasn't going to inflict that on her any more than he was caring for her any more than he already did.

Kodama was  ... well undemanding wasn't quite the right word. She had low expectations and not in a good way. At least he'd convinced her that he didn't expect anything from her just because he'd seen her naked, slept in her bed, or held her while she touched herself. He couldn't in more ways than one. As he'd told her, he didn't expect or need even an explanation, though that he understood a lot without one seemed to be acceptable. Which was good as he couldn't not understand that look in her eyes, her body's attempt to physically purge itself of her overwhelming emotions. At least she'd just thrown up, not tried to walk off buildings.

He wasn't certain if it was that, that he was still here after she'd thrown up on him, the hot bath or something else that finally relaxed her. At least she seemed to be taking better care of herself now - the apartment was clean, the laundry already done and she'd been dressed neatly if casually when he'd arrived. He'd learned to read Asuka's mood by what she picked out to wear that morning, or when she hadn't bothered changing out of her sleepwear which meant the mood was 'wanna go back to bed'. Hikari was a pajamas for breakfast girl, once she'd relaxed around him, but her face was easier to read. He didn't have a good idea if Kodama's choice of clothing reflected much of anything yet, except most of the time a lack of it indicated a need for physical contact, or soap, or both.

Kodama's eyes had lit up when she saw Rei's gift while he was unpacking the ingredients. 'She is also a girl.' He'd thought Rei was stating the obvious, but he'd misunderstood. Besides, he liked bubbles too, even on the very rare occasion they didn't come with a giggling slippery girl. He made a mental note never to admit that anywhere Chihiro might hear.

So she'd been happier and slightly playful, as long as he ignored the lapses into silence and the intermittent distracted expression. Also impatient. They'd barely finished cleaning up after dinner when she'd headed to the bathroom. She'd stripped and sat in the bathtub, drumming her fingers and splashing as he filled the tub with hot water and bubbles. Then she'd splashed him, followed by "You're wet now, you may as well get in".

So they were dry, but still completely naked. He'd set an alarm, so he could be home before Hikari woke for breakfast and penetrating questions, while failing not to think about the way she moved around the apartment after he'd agreed to stay.

His fingers came to rest on the side of her breast. She'd asked him to touch her until after she fell asleep, then responded 'You decide' when he'd asked where. At least her pubic hair was pressed firmly against his thigh so the urge to discover how soft it was was quickly conquered. He shouldn't start thinking of her like that again. There was a short time he'd even stopped feeling guilty, somewhere around when she'd scooped a pile of bubbles onto his head and laughed at his expression.

She was finally asleep, she looked content, he'd do his best to help her be that way as long as possible.

---

2019, January

---

He was very glad Kodama wasn't as loud as her sister, because her face was buried in his neck and there weren't three layers of soundproofing between that and his ear.

Which was possibly an odd thought to be having when there was a beautiful girl in your lap coming down off an orgasm she'd definitely felt this time.

'Hic.'

"Kodama?"

'Hic.'

"Are you alright?"

'Hic.'

"Take your hand off my boob," 'Hic', "and pass me the water", 'Hic', "Pleease?" 'Hic.'

While she was gulping down the water, he reached for the washcloth too. They hadn't needed the Very Romantic Bucket that had been tucked out of sight but within easy reach, at least so far. 

"At least I didn't" 'Hic' "Can I have yours too?"

He placed the washcloth on her leg where she could reach it to wipe herself down. He didn't mind washing vomit off her, but there was no way he was going to clean her right now. What if his hand slipped or he dropped the washcloth? Thankfully the hiccupping distracted his imagination before it could provide possibilities.

He handed her the second glass, which seemed to help, at least she stopped hiccupping.

"Well, that was," she swallowed, "at least not as bad as throwing up on you."

He moved the glasses out of the way as she maneuvered herself so she could rest her head on his shoulder.

"Would you hold me for a bit before I go get cleaned up?"

He nodded, his cheek brushing across her tousled hair as he did so, he would hold her for as long as she needed. Well, for about half an hour before his legs would start to cramp, at least she was sitting between his legs this time and he wouldn't lose circulation before then. 

They sat in silence for a while, her breathing gradually slowing, his fingers stroking her cheek and brushing her damp hair out of her eyes.

"This was a really weird thing to ask you to do again, wasn't it?"

"The first day I met Misato she asked me to get in a giant robot and fight kaiju. That was before I found out the giant robot was my Mother, but it wasn't until after Asuka arrived that I saw the process from the outside. At least the giant dildos they put us in went in the top of the spine and not further down."

Kodama raises her head, trying to work out if she's supposed to laugh or not.

"Seriously, I'll get Rei to draw you the way the entry plugs worked. Big metal cylinder, stick a pilot in it, fill it with fluid, screw it into the robot. There's even a rocket at one end to eject it in case of emergency. I might have been a bit naive at the time to not realize, and I'm sure there's some psychological term for it, but whoever designed that system was either only thinking about the engineering or had a really weird mind."

She kissed his cheek. "That's something coming from you," she teased.

"Hey! What I was trying to say, was that my life has been weird since I arrived in Tokyo 3. I'm living with my best friend and Horaki The Tyrant, and I know whether the pillow fight was before or after their wake up sex. Weird is relative."

Kodama frowns, "Rei's not your best friend?"

"Rei is Rei."

"Do I get more than a tautology?"

"If we put labels on it, people assume things that aren't accurate. Sometimes that includes us. So we don't. Chihiro currently thinks we're siblings, Hikari is convinced we're lovers, Asuka is certain we're not, this week anyway, Toji just calls us 'those two', Kensuke is almost convinced that it's a good thing he was never a Pilot when he sees us together. He's probably the closest - it is a good thing, I'd never wish it on anyone I cared about."

"So this isn't weird?"

"Attractive intelligent woman naked in my lap, that's still weird. Just a different kind of weird."

Somewhat belatedly he realized he could also have added 'And my relatives are weird.' to 'Weird is relative' but no one accused him of being quick witted outside of an Eva and there was no risk of either happening again. 

Even more belatedly he realized she'd kissed him and it definitely felt like she'd lingered longer than necessary, especially as the necessary time was zero. Why had she done that? He'd kissed even fewer people than he'd touched. Asuka that once, Rei of course and... did licking Hikari's nose to make her give up her ammunition count? Oh, and once he'd kissed the top of Sakura's head after she finally got out of hospital. No doubt she didn't remember that, she was going to be a teenager this year. He'd probably kissed his mother when he was a child and before she was a giant robot. Kodama had sisters, was much older when her mother died, had had at least two lovers - none of which helped him understand what she'd meant.

Fortunately she didn't let him dwell on the question.

"You don't think anyone other than Rei would want to? Or might love you?"

He shakes his head, "Asuka loves me almost as much as she hates me. But we've gone through a lot together, she's allowed her mistakes."

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

"So I'm told. Also you're still here, so maybe I was wrong about the intelligent part and you're just beautiful and interesting."

Kodama sticks her tongue out at him in lieu of working out if she was just insulted or complemented.

---

Kodama opened her eyes. She could definitely get used to dosing off in his lap, though it might be a while before she worked up the courage to do it after an orgasm again. The bed was more comfortable but harder to talk him into. Besides this was nice with his arms supporting her.

"If I get up and get clean, do I get bath cuddles today or are you going to sit and stare at my naked body again?"

"Um. You know I can see you when we're in the bath?"

"I hope so. If I minded you looking, you wouldn't be in there with me. Though I'm not sure you are. With me that is. I'm feeling a lot better, but you look like I gave you all my problems. Do you want to talk about it or just sit in front?"

"Huh?"

"I could sit on your face and you probably wouldn't notice," Kodama sounds annoyed, "I'm getting up and you're coming with me. I know I can't return all the favor, but it's my turn to look after you."

---

Kodama held him close against herself with one hand and ran the other over his chest slowly. She missed having a girlfriend, Shinji might be soft in the head but he wasn't soft in the body. It wasn't that she didn't like his body and she hadn't shared a bath with any girls other than her sisters when they were all younger. She just wanted to be able to touch him the way he'd touched her, that made her feel like she was real, because he seemed lost and she didn't understand why. Or at least why this time, they were too similar sometimes for her not to understand.

She kissed his shoulder lightly and got no response.

"Where are you my friend?"

"Nowhere."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"It never gets dark. Even when there were no people there were stars. Even when I was alone there was Rei."

"Where doesn't have stars?"

"In the nowhere. Mother got me out. I should have stayed."

He started to shiver, despite the heat of the water.

"Listen to me. You can hear me. I wasn't there. So neither are you."

"No sight. No sound. No air."

"There's me. I'm here."

"Mother?"

"I really hope not. That would make wanting to have sex with you really weird. You might help me become a mother one day, but I wouldn't be yours."

"It's all hallucinations."

"If you were hallucinating me being naked and telling you I wanted to make love and babies with you whenever you think you are, we're going to have to have a talk later."

His shivering intensified to a frightening degree, then slowed gradually.

"You're real Shinji. I'm real. I'm right here. You helped me feel real. What can I do?"

"Hold me?"

"I am holding you."

She wrapped a leg around his and tried to pull him even closer. Water sloshed over the side of the bath as it was forced out from between them. She'd clean up later, and keep hold of him long enough for his now soaking wet clothing to dry. She was already in far deeper than a bathtub. 

---

Her arms were starting to ache by the time he lifted his head, "Uh. Kodama? Why are you holding me so hard?"

"You asked me to."

"Oh. I wonder why I did that."

"You don't remember?"

She wasn't sure whether to be worried or relieved. It wasn't that she didn't mean what she said. Just there was a time for that conversation, which was possibly in another couple of years, and this was not it. If it had worked, she wouldn't have minded as long as it didn't scare him off completely.

"I remember you splashing me and getting in the bath."

"That was half an hour ago, when the water was warm."

"Oh."

"Oh, indeed. You were talking about 'the nowhere place' and mistaking me for your mother."

He laughs at that, a rather ragged laugh, "You must have been hugging me, that's probably the only thing you have in common."

She decided, after a moment's thought, that she'd rather tell him about the other thing she had in common later. Maybe over dinner, or in bed if she ever managed to seduce him in a way he noticed.

"Where's nowhere?"

"The Dummbaka Angel of Mathematical Impossibilities. It did have an official name, but I prefer Asuka's. It swallowed me, well my Eva but I was in it. There was nothing there, the radar and laser ranging returned nothing. Eventually I ran out of oxygen as the power failed and hallucinated talking to myself."

"Why were you thinking about it? Was it something I said? Is there something I should do to avoid upsetting you like that?"

He blushed deeply, so much he actually felt warm. The contrast made her realize just how cold the water had gotten.

"You can tell me in bed while I'm warming you back up."

He actually managed to turn a deeper red and she realized what she'd said.

"I didn't mean it like that!" She actually hadn't this time. "I meant you need to be dry and under a blanket until you stop shivering. You've held me through worse, at least I can share some body heat."

---

She had left him under the covers while she did something about all the water she had drunk earlier and returned to find him curled up in a ball under the blanket. So now she was wrapped around him with his head tucked into her breasts and her arms stroking his back because she hadn't been able to squeeze in behind him to provide any better skin contact.

"Hey, Shinji. Should I call anyone?"

He shook his head and she tried to ignore the sensation.

After a minute he uncurled a little and tentatively put an arm around her. 

"I've told you, you can touch me. I'm not going to be upset if you do, and I don't mind your lips on my boob either but if you wanted to talk to me you'll have to move."

Slowly he raised his head. Her and her big mouth. She could have left him there and he might have. Who was she kidding? She'd had to ask him to move his hands from her stomach to her breasts earlier, and he didn't even do that until she'd given him the excuse that they were in the way, he wasn't going to do anything. He didn't think of her like that, though she wasn't sure how he did think of her. His fingers had been very gentle but she had been very distracted.

"Um. Do you really want to know? It's a bit embarrassing, and not just for me."

She ran her fingers through the back of his hair, which was still slightly damp and clung to her fingers the way he was clinging to her, "More than what we've done already?"

"It involves your sister."

"What did Hikari do this time?"

"Asuka."

"I know that, I meant what did she do that's relevant to what happened and is it something I can avoid doing?"

"Um. Well. I'd just got back from walking Rei home after dinner. Misato had said she was going down to Nerv to do some work, she was actually meeting Kaji for drinks but I didn't know that then. Anyway, I opened the apartment door and was just about to call that I was home when I discovered for the first time just how loud Hikari is when she thinks no one but Asuka is there."

"My sister's a screamer?"

"It gets worse. Because right then the Angel alerts go off - the Pilot ones that mean "get to your Eva's now" that go off well before the civilian ones do. Hikari had never heard one before and there's a different kind of shout. Then Asuka comes running out of her room, wearing nothing but her panties and pulling a t-shirt over her head, which had a wet smear when she finally got it down. At least she had the thought to shout to Hikari to get dressed and to a shelter while I handed her her shorts off the couch and pretended I hadn't seen or heard anything."

"Am I allowed to laugh?"

"Sure. It's funny now. Really wasn't then. This was a couple of weeks after Asuka had kissed me then come home with Hikari the next day."

"A bit awkward was it?"

"I was fourteen, hadn't really worked out what girls did together and then had to sit in a car next to Asuka for a high speed trip to the GeoFront with her smelling of what I worked out just before we got there was Hikari's pussy. There was an Angel attacking and Rei came to see why it was taking so long for me to get changed. The only thing that could have been worse would have been if it was Asuka."

Kodama starts to laugh, "How. Unfortunate."

"It got even worse. Plugsuits are wired with sensors. As soon as you get in an Eva, all your biological data is sent to the bridge. Misato asked Akagi if she'd given the pilots their birth control shots in front of everyone. Then I get to spend ten minutes of running on adrenaline attempting to fight something you couldn't hit, followed by nearly sixteen hours in the nothing. For a while I thought that at least if I died I wouldn't have to face anyone afterwards. Then I remembered about the telemetry and if they got the Eva out somehow it would somehow show what I'd been thinking of."

She strokes her hands across his back, "You survived though."

"Not from anything I did. We couldn't exactly talk then, but Mother would go berserk if I was about to die. Which happened several times. So she tore the thing apart about ten seconds before they were going to drop a thousand N2s on it to stop it spreading. And with all the drama and apparently the telemetry stopping when the angel swallowed me, almost everyone forgot about it."

"Almost? Do I want to ask?"

"Rei asked Asuka if she was wearing a new perfume in front of me. I don't know which of us wanted to die from the embarrassment more."

Kodama giggles, "So, should I wear a gag next time?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind, let's finish getting you warm enough we can sleep."

 

---

2019, May

---

She lifted her head off his chest and looked at him. He looked calm, frustratingly cute and even more frustratingly oblivious.

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"Nozomi asked if I was going to see my boyfriend this week and Hikari told her to be quiet, that they aren't supposed to mention they know about my secret girlfriend."

There was a real smile, one that reached his eyes, "Well you are an attractive, intelligent, interesting woman and you definitely looked happier when I arrived. It's not surprising you found someone. I'm happy you're feeling up to it. Did you want me to meet them? Or stop coming over?"

She stared at him. They were naked. In bed. She was lying on him. They were clean because they'd showered together. After she'd had a very obvious orgasm while he held her, stroking her hair and back. Just how big a hint did she need to drop? Would he really not even notice if she spread her legs and sat on his face? She could certainly wrap her lips around his dick, he might not get hard but he was large enough without that she could do that. 

That was probably going too far. If he actually didn't like her as opposed to doing a reasonable job of pretending not to, and she was certain enough that she'd caught him looking in ways that may or may not be romantic but were definitely desire. Not that she was going to settle for just sex, but she was going to make sure he knew she was interested in adding that to their relationship. They'd been doing this dance for a year, she couldn't be completely wrong could she? But he hadn't even kissed her so she couldn't tell Rei whether he'd done it properly.

She pushed herself up and sat on his thighs, making sure he could see her clearly. Again! She'd walked around her apartment naked after sharing a bath and a bed with him. She knew he'd seen almost all of her, but she wanted, needed, him to see her.

Then she grabbed the aforementioned dick, in her hand, whatever her libido thought.

"You. You ridiculous fool. I don't care if you never stick this in me. I don't care if you have to sit in Rei's lap to do so. I've had girlfriends, they didn't even have one. You have hands. I know you know how to use them. If no one's taught you what to do with your tongue yet, I'll be happy to. I know we're both messed up, but I like you as a friend and I'd like you as a lover. We don't have to call it anything, but I looked happy because I was happy to see you! It's been two weeks and I'd missed you."

"Kodama?"

"Yes?"

"Please let go?"

She looks down. She loosens her grip. "Oh. Good thing we weren't using that. Are you alright?"

He nodded, "I will be. You've left worse bruises. Were you trying to say something?"

She stared, there was no way. Then she saw the slight hint that he was suppressing a smile.

She thumped his chest lightly, "I'll give you 'worse bruises'."

---

She came up for air. 

She rested her head on his shoulder while she caught her breath. If that wasn't 'properly' she didn't want to know what was. Who was she trying to lie to? She definitely wanted to know if there was even better.

"Kodama?" he asked into her hair.

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything. You should know that by now." There were a lot of things that would be even more uncomfortable to answer than the ones she already had, but if he held her afterwards she'd manage somehow.

"How long have I been telling you that you are an intelligent, interesting, beautiful woman?"

She lifted her head to stare at him. "You. You. Argh!"

Shinji lifted his hand to shield his face.

"What? I wasn't going to hit you. I wouldn't do that." She was worried now, about more than just ruining the mood.

He lowers his hand, "Oh. Sorry. No. I wasn't thinking that. You're always so careful and gentle. Just for a moment you sounded like Hikari when she gets frustrated, so I was expecting to be hit in the face by a pillow. If you check next time you visit you'll notice all the ones in the living room are soft, have no corners and are aerodynamic enough you can hit someone across the room with them."

She's not sure whether to be relieved, amused or annoyed. This is her and Shinji and she's definitely a lot more connected to herself and how she feels than the last time, which was an improvement on nine months ago. So it's all three at once with a streak of jealousy. Jealousy? Shit, where did that come from? A different place than the growing anger that he considered her gentle. She tried, but she had indeed given him worse bruises, their traumas weren't kind to either of them, especially in the middle of the night. Who had treated him so?

"Kodama?"

"Huh? Oh, I was just trying to decide which thing to be annoyed about first."

"If it's your little sister, don't be. Unless you don't dodge fast enough, then you can be annoyed at her."

"You sound almost as if she's your little sister".

He laughs softly, oh gods she loves that sound, "Three pilots and a Horaki? We have practically adopted her, and she's two years younger than I am, so that definitely counts. I am not asking her to call me Onii-chan though."

"Did you mean months? But isn't your birthday in June?" She'd have to do something for him this year, if he'd let her.

"Um. No?"

She put her head back down, not that she didn't like looking at his face, she did, but the position was awkward and his hand had fallen off her back.

After he'd put his arm back around her she asked, "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"There's a gap in the calendar between the Impact and when there was anyone who cared to pay attention to the date. I didn't get to skip a year like almost everyone else."

That was an approximation of course. His sense of time wasn't exactly reliable during and after the end of the world. Time spent in imaginary worlds. Time spent being Rei. Time spent working out how to be himself again. Time he wished he hadn't. There wasn't any way he could put it in words. Only occasionally could he put it in touches only Rei would ever come close to understanding.

"You were by yourself? That must have been lonely." She pressed herself against him, not that you could squeeze loneliness out of someone, but she could try.

"I had a hundred kilometers of dead Angel with Rei's face for company, it wasn't that bad."

It wasn't that bad. It was a lot worse. He wouldn't have survived it without Rei. Rei, not Lilith's mostly-dead corpse, Rei who was and wasn't there. Even the emptiness of a world with no people had been better than the first days that stopped being true.

"If you keep lying to me, I'm not kissing you again." 

It was a completely empty threat, Shinji 'I won't always be available' Ikari needed a lot more than just cuddles as far as she was concerned, and she knew a protective deception when he uttered them. That was still far too often, but she was in this friendship for the long haul. The physically intimate parts perhaps not more than they had, he hadn't actually answered her question, not that she minded his response, but she refused to call that more than friendship. Her thankfully very ex lovers had done far less for her that he had.

"I'm sorry."

"Shush. You don't have to tell me."

They'd talk more later. They definitely needed a lot more of that. In the meantime, she had some kissing to do.

---

Kodama sat staring out the window watching the clouds and wishing she was drinking something stronger than tea. A lot stronger.

At least she wasn't staring at the door that had closed behind him, and she could honestly tell her sisters she wasn't dating anyone and she didn't want to right now.

Because she'd learned a lot of things today. Rei had been right, what sometimes seems a short while ago and sometimes felt like decades, it was going to be a lot of work. She'd innocently thought she knew what 'a lot' meant. She thought she'd known how messed up she was. She had talked to Shinji quite a lot - she had a much better understanding of his complex relationship with his mother amongst other things - and she'd talked to her sister about her girlfriend. She thought she had an idea of what the pilots had been through. She'd been off by several orders of magnitude.

By far the most sensible thing to do would be to walk away.

Right. This was her. Who always made the best decisions ever. Who always fell in love with the ideal people. At least Hikari would approve of them dating. If she could ever persuade him that dating was a good idea. She'd have to believe that herself first to be convincing. He hadn't left her much to build that belief on.

They hadn't, couldn't, make any concrete plans. Though as tentative plans went, continuing to meet every so often for some combination of food, conversation, a shared bath, and a shared bed, didn't seem that bad. She'd have time to herself to study, which she'd need if she was going to add more psych classes to her load, which she was going to do so she'd at least have words for the mess she was dealing with. Her own, whatever more of Shinji's he was willing to share, and the bigger one of finding the places those made things better rather than worse. 

In practice, she was going to go to bed and hug the pillow that smelled of him and be a pathetic little ball of emotions for a while. She could pretend to be an adult again in the morning.

Chapter 27: Ancestors and Other Unwanted Things

Summary:

2020, December

Hikari finishes folding their jackets into her pack and sits back. She is finally starting to warm up, out of the shadow of the trees, her dark coat - which admittedly has faded a long way from the colour of her hair - is absorbing the distant feeling winter sun. They are stripping down to t-shirts - both almost white, Asuka's faded down from what might once have been orange or yellow, Shinji's probably wouldn't be white again until it was warm enough to dry laundry outside where the sun could bleach it back.

At least their comfort in the cold gave her something to be mildly annoyed about, the weather was actually nice despite the temperature, and her wife was ... still her wife and still hot, even if she'd have preferred something a little tighter fitting than the loose shirt if she was going to be admiring her from this short distance away.

If she'd managed to work a few things out with Asuka, it was because she knew her well - even if she didn't know details, she recognised where her thoughts were going. Shinji, on the other hand, was showing just as many cracks as Asuka and she was scared they ran even deeper than any of them knew. Except perhaps Rei, who had developed a habit of walking up and leaning herself against him at unpredictable times - that was something she did anyway, but it had become more frequent and noticeable the last few days.

She was still angry with both of them of course, but she could do that and love them at the same time.

Maybe a long walk hadn't been such a terrible idea after all.

---

They had been walking for two hours before Asuka finally realises where they are going. She had been content to enjoy the fresh air away from the stifling house. Which Rei was airing out. Not that that would change the tense atmosphere between the residents, but at least the literal scents of anger and fear would be reduced.

Uphill, away from the N2 lakes, away from the still red ocean. As long as you didn't look back or kept to the paths between the trees rather than the road, it was a peaceful walk that actually stretched her legs. She hadn't bugged Monkey Boy in too long and he was the only one who stood a chance of keeping up enough to make her push herself when she wanted to run.

Peaceful that was until they reached a ridge and she recognised a hilltop in the distance. Or rather the lack of one.

She froze.

"No." 

Her voice was barely a whisper, but Shinji stopped and turned back towards her. Hikari just stopped but Asuka didn't notice.

"No. You can't make me."

"Asuka."

"NO! I'm not going there."

He took a step towards her. She was unarmed. She could still fight. She launched herself at him screaming. She tore into him, fists and knees, teeth and claws. Blow after blow. Rending the enemy to pieces. They were hard to beat but she wouldn't fail this time. He fell beneath her, pushing back against her before becoming motionless, his blood in her mouth. Victory would be hers. She twisted and raised her clawed hand, she just had to...

"Asuka?" 

Hikari's voice was tentative, scared. 

For a moment Asuka paused, Shinji's still form lying beneath her and with the return of a semblance of awareness came panic. She really had killed him this time.

Then she looked up towards the sound and saw a black figure silhouetted against the sky and growled. She swung her leg off her fallen enemy and faced the new one. The familiar one. The one she had to protect Shinji against. She crouched, muscles tensing, preparing to attack.

She flew through the air, only to fall flat on her face in the cold mud she'd churned up as a vice gripped her ankle. Her opponent wasn't dead, she should have known better. They didn't die. They didn't die no matter how much damage she did. They didn't die they just got up again. They always got up. This one hadn't gotten up. It had tricked her. She twisted her foot free and staggered to her feet, only to fall flat again, this time directly on top of her original opponent as her legs were kicked out from under her. She struggled in its grip as its tendrils wrapped around her, pinning her in place. It might have her hands, but it didn't have control of her head. She bit down, deep into the enemy's flesh. If she caused enough damage maybe it would let go and she could finish tearing it apart.

"Her hair, Hikari, pull her hair!"

Hikari didn't ask why, just rushed over to where Shinji was grappling a writhing Asuka, who seemed to be doing as much damage to herself as she was to Shinji, and quickly wrapped her wife's hair around her hand, pulling her head back sharply.

Asuka went limp. She lay motionless across him in an unnervingly familiar way. This was a different kind of disaster, kissing might have even been an improvement. Might. The last time they'd kissed had also required a first aid kit.

After a moment Shinji sighed and let go, then winced as his head hit the ground again and dirt ground into the deep scratches on his arm as it slid off Asuka. At least he could feel his arm, which meant it was still attached.

Hikari glared at him, there were streaks of blood seeping into the back of Asuka's shirt, but he was looking at her past Asuka's shoulder and his voice had sounded desperate in contrast to his calm expression. How could he possibly be calm?

"A walk you said! It will be good to get out you said! There's something I want to show you you said! What the hell is going on this time? You're supposed to talk to us."

She let go of Asuka, letting her head fall and impact Shinji's shoulder. He screamed in pain.

"You deserved that," muttered Asuka angrily. Then she sat up carefully, pushing up on the heals of her hands until she was free enough she could swing her leg over him and settle into a crouch. It didn't feel as if she'd caused either of them any more damage in the process. She glanced at him and rubbed her sore forehead with the back of her hand, "I probably did too."

She  looked up at Hikari, who looked every bit as angry as she had been feeling until her wife had grabbed her hair. At least angry Hikari was here and now and the panic and memories started to fade under her reassuring glare.

"The first aid kit is in the pack under what's left of lunch. Which is under what's left of Shinji." 

She closed her eyes, not willing to look at Hikari any longer just in case. It was worse, not being able to see her, but at least she wasn't seeing a dark silhouette marching towards her with intent.

"If you can help roll him over, we can patch him enough for him to tell us what the fuck he was thinking. I didn't hit him hard enough to break anything." 

She wasn't entirely sure about that, there was blood in her mouth that wasn't just her own and she hadn't dared take a proper look at the Idiot yet.

"Just don't get between me and the sun again."

---

Shinji was shirtless and covered in enough bandages he looked like Rei on a bad day, but he was coherent and didn't appear to be concussed. Cold, slightly damp from being cleaned up, and somewhat miserable, but any mental impairment had occurred before the fight.

Asuka decided to start with the easy questions while Hikari dressed her wounds, Shinji had been restrained, most of the damage had been self inflicted. She turned her head and blew pieces of dirt out of her nose. That was definitely his fault. At least she'd just gotten a face full of mud and slush and not rock.

"How did you break me out of it?"

"Evas don't have hair."

"Explain!"

Shinji lifted his head slowly to check Hikari's expression. It was actually possible for her to get more upset but he'd have to risk it. He could talk to people. Just not them. Not about this. Which is part of what got him into this situation in the first place. But Asuka would have refused to come at all if he had.

"I wake when you come to bed. The only way to calm you enough to actually sleep is to stroke your hair. Obviously that wasn't going to work, but Evas don't have hair. It's the one attack which would be against you not Unit 02. You were moving the way you do when you pilot." He winced as he turned his head slightly, "Except I was holding you tightly to try to stop you hurting either of us more. So I asked Hikari to grab your hair and hoped it would work. I just didn't expect you to react like that."

Asuka focused on the pain in her fingers as Hikari cleaned them. The combination of Hikari's soft hands holding hers and the quite painful slow cleaning with what looked like pre-Impact alcohol wipes was not helping. She was going to be even more messed up after this.

Love. Pain. Hatred. Somehow Shinji managed to cause all three at once in less than a minute. If Hikari wasn't with them, she might really have killed him. Then she could have hated herself even more. Which was no more than she deserved.

The pain lessened as Hikari wiped analgesic across her knuckles and started to wrap her fingers. Which made room for some of her anger. She swallowed it. It wouldn't help any more than her self-hatred would.

"Why did you try to trick me into visiting my grave?"

"You're not here. Mother is."

"But" Hikari starts in confusion. She knows where Shinji's mother's grave is. Was. There's nothing there anymore.

"You didn't tell her?"

"And have her killed like Kaji?" snaps Asuka. "Of course I didn't baka!"

"Misato's the only one who could enforce that now. She's not going to."

Asuka stares at him in horror, "She didn't?"

Shinji shakes his head a fraction, no more than enough for Asuka to notice, there's no point in finding out how effective the painkillers are before he has to.

"She didn't. She wasn't even certain he was actually dead and not just off on one of his schemes. I had to tell her. I had to tell her he wasn't coming back."

"Shit."

There's a long silence interrupted only by the occasional sharp intake of breath as Hikari works her way through Asuka's scrapes.

He remembers another question Hikari had once asked that he'd avoided answering.

"I never had a shrine because father destroyed all pictures of Mother after her first death. I never visited her grave after I learned there was nothing there but a marker. I didn't even know what she looked like until just before Asuka helped her give birth to me the second time."

Shinji is pinned under two pairs of eyes.

"What else do you call it? I was nothing more than a few cells and an AT field for several weeks. She grew me back at Asuka's demand."

If Rei had been whole, or a little less fatalistic, she'd probably have come in and dragged him out. If Asuka had cared as little as she pretended, or was even a little less prone to physical aggression when upset, he might not be here now. Then neither would they, and he'd do everything again if he had to, to make sure they were.

"Will one of you please tell me whatever this secret is you're talking around?"

Shinji takes a deep breath, which he immediately regrets, Asuka did even more damage than they thought. He'll have to get properly checked out when they get back. If he lives that long.

"The Evas aren't robots like you're meant to think. That's just the armour. Underneath they are giant soulless artificial humans. They don't function without a human soul and a conscious human mind that can connect to it. Both our mothers died during the development of the Evas. They provided the souls. We provided the minds. That's why it had to be us."

Hikari's eyes go wide.

"So Unit 01, my Eva, still contains my mother's soul. She's buried in the GeoFront, under a kilometer or two of rock that Lilith put there when she put the GeoFront back. So it's her grave, and Unit 01's grave. It's also where Asuka died, but there's nothing of her or her Eva there."

"What do you mean there's nothing of me there? I was dead, not Insta-goo, there should be something."

"Lilith sent an avatar to collect what was left of your body while she collected your soul." He hadn't seen it, but he still remembered it, a not-Rei tearing apart the white bodies of the enemy Evangelions, gathering the pieces of Asuka. He didn't want to relive that nightmare again, but here he was not only remembering it like it was yesterday but inflicting it on the people he loved.

"Mother?" Asuka doesn't want to think about her own death either, or the implications of what Shinji is saying, that her death wasn't the worst of it. She remembers the pain of Mother being torn apart. She remembers the sensation of teeth tearing through her armour and into her flesh. She doesn't dare ask what he's clearly avoiding telling her. Not today.

"There was nothing left of 02, she's not here, she's not anywhere." 

He wants to say he's sorry, but there's no words that can possibly come close. He staggers to his feet and manages the few steps to collapse by her side. After a moment he wraps his arms around her, causing her to wince in pain, but all she does is rest her head against his shoulder. The one that didn't feel like she'd gnawed it all the way to the bone. It's not enough, but nothing would be. Hikari leans in and kisses her softly, it's not enough either.

---

"Baka Shinji, what aren't you saying?"

"You weren't quite dead when your mother triggered the emergency plug eject."

Asuka snorts, "And we know how well that works."

Hikari looks at her questioningly but not willing to interrupt.

"You've seen the entry plugs. There's an emergency eject that's supposed to throw them clear of the Eva and any battle then land them gently. The most successful time it was used, they had to dig me out of a ten metre deep hole and use laser cutters to get in. I got off lightly with a broken leg. Rei spent weeks in the hospital after it happened to her and you know how ridiculously fast she heals."

"It did actually work, at least the monitors said you still had a heartbeat when your mother blew herself up."

"Even after? I'm tough but I'm not Pilot 'it's only a flesh-wound' Ayanami, and I was already hurt. We both were."

Shinji nods, "It wasn't as big as 00s, I've no idea why and the people who might know aren't here. It helped, but it wasn't enough."

Asuka raised her head, recognising the tone in his voice and wishing she didn't, "Do I need to send Hikari back for Rei?"

"No. No, I don't want her to go through her part of it again today."

"You're going to tell me though."

Shinji shakes his head, "No, not today. I just needed you to see there was nothing there. Nothing to be afraid of. "

"Except you?" asked Hikari sharply.

"Including me."

"Baka!" Which was followed a moment later by: "Shit! You thought about that. Seriously?"

"Words! Use your fucking words!" Hikari didn't swear often but they were doing the thing they'd promised not to do again and she'd definitely earned the right to swear at things, especially these two.

"01 is the largest Eva, the most mass, which makes it, made it, a lot less agile than my 02. Triggering the self-destruct sequence from the inside... Rei took out an Angel and half of Tokyo 3 and barely survived. If Shinji did the same thing in an enclosed space like the GeoFront, there'd probably be not even enough left for Lilith to put back together. Which might be the only way he'll die as I couldn't kill him even when I really wanted to. So he thought about it, and it wouldn't have occurred to me to even worry about it if he hadn't told me about Mother trying to save me."

"It was before you came back," and there was a subtle emphasis on the 'you' that Asuka noticed but didn't understand. "Lilith decided I couldn't leave Rei, or Rei decided I couldn't leave you in the ocean, or ... anyway, it's confusing, possibly not real, and now there's at least a kilometer of rock burying Unit 01 and I can't use it to leave you."

"Just 01?" Asuka was almost vibrating with tension.

"There was nothing left of the white ones to bury."

Asuka nods in response, looking pale and slightly ill.

"Most of the people are back, so it's just mother down there. Finally in a grave. Not going anywhere."

There's a long silence, "Unlike us, who should probably limp home before Rei sends out a search party, or eats all of whatever she's made for dinner."

---

They are almost halfway home, taking a different path, when Hikari asks from Asuka's shadow, "Who's Lilith? And does Rei know you have a crush on her?"

Shinji sighs, and winces, Asuka might not have broken anything but something was definitely bruised. He can't not explain - he'd promised Hikari, but he can't explain either. He certainly can't let Rei do it, but he does need to talk to her before he tells Hikari that.

He took Hikari's hand and waited for Asuka to take the other.

Taking a deep breath he started, "Nerv kept an Angel in the basement..."

---

Shinji, perhaps fortunately, is the one that opens the door. Fortunately because a moment later he's the one impacted by a high velocity Rei. High velocity anything around Asuka is not a good idea right now, but at least Rei's hair is currently long so the blur was more blue than white.

With his arms full of Rei and everywhere he touches as he tries to hold her being bare skin, and everywhere she touches being bandaged, it's a moment before he catches up. Thankfully the impact had been as gentle as the approach was rapid.

"Rei?" His question is a barely audible murmur, the soundwaves seeking her ears, and only hers.

She looks up at him, her eyes dark and probably impenetrable to anyone who wasn't him.

"Oh. Should I have told you where we were going?"

She stares into his eyes, he does not look away.

"You aren't there. You're all out at sea feeding fish and becoming people. You can just be Rei. I will be here."

She nods slowly, her eyes moving so she doesn't break her gaze.

"We will have to wait until I am old enough." Her voice is no louder than his, but he can't miss the undertones of love and longing.

There's a long quiet moment while she clings to him carefully and Hikari and Asuka try to sneak past without them noticing.

Rei turns her head, "Hikari, your field dressings were adequate but need to be replaced. Please get out the first aid and minor surgery kits. Asuka, please undress sufficiently to expose all your wounds, even the one you lied to Hikari about. We will be in in a moment."

Once the door was safely closed behind them, Rei kissed him softly.

"Was that necessary? You will sleep alone for a week. I will miss you."

"I hope so. She had to be then."

Rei kissed him again, not moving more than necessary, it was possible his lips were the only thing that didn't hurt.

"Are you now?"

He nodded slightly and winced.

 

---

"You owe me a new bra, Baka!" moaned Asuka, mostly in aggravation but partly in pain, "And possibly a new boob."

Hikari lifted her hands off her wife's shoulder and snorted, "If it's on your front it's self-inflicted."

She'd be calm and considerate later, when she had Asuka to herself and could let herself be panicky and possessive. She was annoyed at the way Asuka had casually stripped down when Rei told her to. Just because everyone here had seen her wife naked doesn't mean they should keep doing it! But Shinji had identified something in the way Asuka had been moving that let him know what was happening and Rei had known she'd been concealing an injury. For now she trusted them to notice something she might not.

"They look fine to me," observed Shinji from the chair facing her. He was facing her, the chair was not, as he was using the back to lean on while Rei cleaned out his shoulder. The local anesthetic was starting to kick in, which meant he was starting to feel everything else that hurt, which was most of him. It was partly his fault though, so he wasn't getting much sympathy from anyone else. He had meant she looked uninjured, no cuts or scrapes, and if there was bruising it was still too deep for him to be able to see. He also hadn't been in a position to just sit there studying them for ... he was going to count the wedding, because if he thought about the real time things would be even worse.

He also couldn't move while Rei worked, which meant that all he could see was a mostly naked Asuka and an annoyed Hikari. This was the most well lit spot in the house and the contents of both kits were spread out on the table next to them so Rei and Hikari could easily get what they needed. Which meant he could also clearly see the bruises spreading across her body, the scraped knees and the long cut along her side where she'd slid along a sharp rock.

"Get Hikari to check, you won't be able to tell if it's your fingers or what you're touching that hurts."

Her hands were definitely in the worst shape. Asuka had been whimpering as Hikari trimmed back the broken nails before they got worse.

---

Asuka looked down at the top of Hikari's head and gritted her teeth. She wasn't going to complain, apart from anything else Hikari was touching her which was something she was never going to take for granted ever again.

Still this was better than watching Rei sewing their Shinji back together. Rei could probably do it with her eyes closed, they certainly didn't need the afternoon daylight and every light in the room on. She didn't need to see - she remembered his skin breaking faster than her nails did, she remembered his blood in her mouth. She remembered them as vividly as his lips under hers. At least she'd managed to miss repeating that when Hikari dropped her. Not that she'd been aware enough that she'd done it on purpose.

"I'm sorry. It's all your fault Idiot Baka Dummkopf Shinji, but I'm still sorry."

"Then I have a request."

She looks up to see Rei cleaning the blood off her stitches. She couldn't see them, but they were probably tiny and neat, even when repairing injuries Rei had to be perfect. Especially if it were for her precious Shinji.

"What is it?" She knew better than to agree to anything Rei came up with without completely understanding it.

"Can the next lesson involve less damage to my Beloved Liver?"

Shinji's laugh is cut short with a gasp of pain.

"I love you too, but can you please not come up with strange terms of endearment when you're in the middle of sewing me up?"

"I have finished sewing. It is not strange. Livers are important. They perform a vital function. They recover from damage."

"Well that's an important trait for Shinji to have," muttered Hikari.

"How bad is it?"

"I will be bereft of cuddles for at least a week. You will have to apologize to Kodama."

"UhOh."¹

"What did you do to my sister?" demanded Hikari into Asuka's left breast, which is what she was carefully examining at that moment.

"Not me. Asuka. She's going to have to tell another Horaki that she screwed up."

"Words!" grumbles Hikari lifting her head to watch Asuka's reaction for any sign of pain.

"A week means New Year. Which means family visits. Kodama will want to hug everyone."

"What am I actually apologising for?"

"You got in the way of her favorite pastime as well as Rei's."

Hikari stood up carefully and stared down at Asuka, "Do not even think of asking what that is. I do not need to know."

Asuka nods, but would be willing to bet her wife would corner Shinji in the morning to demand to know that amongst many other things.

"Now sit there and take a good look at your handiwork while I go find you something soft to wear."

Chapter 28: Breakfast and Other Things That Repeat

Summary:

2020, December

The following morning

Hikari sat watching Rei make breakfast. Asuka was still asleep, she wasn't sure where Shinji was, other than not with her wife. Asuka was even more clingy than she'd been before the first incident. She'd woken up half smothered and on the wrong side of the bed - literally. She was on Asuka's side because her wife's injury was on her side of Asuka. All of Asuka was hers, just that was the side of Asuka she cuddled against in bed and despite her wife's protestations about being held tight she was squeezing very hard when she'd woken.

There was being metaphorically smothered by her wife's beautiful breasts and there was being literally smothered and barely able to breathe. She might be upset with her, but she definitely had a strong preference as to which way she preferred to wake up.

Dinner had been subdued. If the past week had left Asuka struggling to work out what the appropriate way to interact with Shinji was - especially as he had seemed to be pushing Asuka's buttons, including ones she hadn't even known Asuka had, when her wife was already on a hair trigger and she wasn't much better herself - now she was avoiding getting near him physically as well and avoiding any position that might put anyone between her and bright light.

Now he'd tripped Asuka's trigger and they all had to deal with the fallout. She'd have to deal with that soon, once she worked out how and the responsible parties were awake.

Asuka had fallen asleep quickly, totally exhausted even before the stronger painkillers kicked in. That had left her awake and with too much time to think. Time to absorb some of yesterday's revelations. Time to sleep on Asuka. The second of those probably helped the most. She was still angry. She was also still in love. She was, understandably, a little slow in putting some pieces together.

"You blew yourself up?"

"Hai. The only way to prevent Armisael from infecting Units 01 and 02 was to convince it I was willing to join with it. The only way to destroy it was a core explosion. Ejecting would have given it time to move."

"Asuka said someone Shinji loved set off a nuclear bomb." 

That was the piece that hadn't fit. Rei was obviously alive, and Shinji managing to love someone else without her finding out was a puzzle. His love for Asuka had been blindingly obvious to everyone except Asuka. His love for Rei was clear once you knew what to look for, though it was a strange multilayered thing that had taken her over a year to label and even now she was sure she didn't understand it all. Also, she hadn't properly worked out that how she felt about Shinji until the morning of her wedding to Asuka, and understood what he felt in return was something similar enough. Rei had it right, 'Language is insufficient'.

"The Evangelion self-destruct trigger is a small enhanced N2 mine. Vaporization is the only way to be certain. The core explosion destroyed the angel and sixty-two percent of Tokyo 3."

For once she was grateful for Rei being brief not detailed. There wasn't any room in her head and she wouldn't have understood the physics anyway. If, for some reason she couldn't conceive of, she needed to know she'd ask Asuka later, she had more chance of understanding her wife's explanations. Even Rei's minimal summary stirred up memories. That had been the worst day of her life at the time. The explosion. Not knowing if Asuka had survived. Then Shinji's distance and withdrawal even after Rei was out of the hospital.

Rei put a plate down in front of her. She didn't notice what breakfast consisted of. 

"How did you survive? I know you were in the hospital for a while."

"I did not."

Hikari drops her chopsticks, "I saw you!"

"I was confined to secure areas of Central Dogma for a period of time so that my replacement body's lack of injuries would be less likely to be noticed. My amnesia was the result of the time required to reintegrate my memory backup."

"Which is why she's the other person who can somewhat understand how Kodama feels," commented Shinji as he swiped Hikari's uneaten breakfast with the hand that wasn't constrained by Rei's wrapping that kept his other shoulder immobilized. "Her new body being subtly different in ways that are hard to understand and harder to describe. At least most of what Kodama had to deal with was the hormonal chaos, not having exploded."

"You. She. Fuck. Damn."

"And my soul," finished Rei uselessly.

Shinji decided he wasn't going to get to eat breakfast yet either and carefully picked up Hikari's slumped form and carried her to the couch. It hurt, and thankfully swiping Hikari's breakfast meant she hadn't faceplanted it, but he couldn't leave her there to fall off on the floor and he'd rather deal with Rei yelling at him if he reopened her stitches than letting anyone touch her right now. Asuka's flashbacks were one thing, Rei's required something she wouldn't let him do right now.

---

"I assume there's a very good reason you are cuddling my wife and do not appear to be missing any body parts," asked Asuka as she followed Rei back into the kitchen. "Any more body parts," she added a little guiltily.

Not that Hikari was violent. Not that she hadn't seen them cuddle before. But Hikari was even more upset with him now than when she'd found them naked, and whatever had resulted in her wife being unconscious and Shinji holding her like that should have caused far more damage than she could see. He wasn't even bleeding. Possibly only because Hikari had her head on the other side from her shoulder, but she couldn't see anything and Rei hadn't gotten the first aid kit out again, just opened the door and called until she got up. 

Rei decided that if no one was going to eat they would at least need some tea. Tea she could manage.

Asuka knelt on the floor by Shinji's knees and brushed the hair from Hikari's face. She was clinging to Shinji in a painfully familiar way. Literally in Shinji's case, even the bandages and painkillers weren't going to be helping. At least they were dressed, she had a limit of one epic disaster per week.

"What happened liebling?"

"Brain overload," replied Shinji in place of Hikari's lack of response, "Somewhere between the details of how an Evangelion autodestruct works and the similarities between Kodama's problems adjusting to not actually being pregnant and Rei's difficulty integrating with her third clone."

"Her WHAT!?"

Hikari whimpered at the volume of Asuka's voice.

---

Shinji's tea had gone cold long before Hikari woke and Asuka pried her off him, much to his relief. Hikari wasn't exactly heavy, but there were few parts of him that weren't battered and bruised.

Rei had come back with a fresh mug of disgustingly sweet tea that he was trying to drink. At least he'd had a couple of bites of Hikari's breakfast but Rei obviously thought he needed the energy. Given the way Asuka had been pacing before Hikari stirred, she probably shouldn't be allowed near sugar for a while.

Hikari lifted her head off Asuka's shoulder and stared at Rei as she turned from giving him a kiss with his tea. 

"So actually died?"

"Hai."

"As in dead?"

"Hai."

"Not as in orange goo?"

"That body's biological function ceased without the collapse of its AT field."

"Oh."

"The pieces of my soul migrated to an available clone. Memory integration was accelerated by means of reimplanting memories from backup and multiple biofeedback mechanisms."

"You died."

"Hai."

"I thought they saved you."

"You were meant to. Other explanations of my continued existence would have caused problems."

Asuka growled at Shinji, "You knew! You knew and you didn't tell me."

"What was I supposed to say Asuka? That my, that Rei had actually died and the reason she was acting so strangely is that she didn't even remember me for two weeks? That she had a fully functioning, healthy, undamaged brain but wasn't entirely in it? That she stumbled because her brain wasn't used to gravity? That she tried to slap me for hugging her and missed, not because of her coordination - you know how precise she is in person - but because where her mind thought I was wasn't in line with what her soul thought? Because those hadn't finished reconnecting and she didn't know where or who I was?

"If I could have explained it, if you'd understood, could you have managed not to tell anyone? You worried about Hikari learning things that might get her killed. What do you think would happen to you if anyone knew? If Father knew you could derail his years of planning at the last moment just by being yourself when you found out?"

"What did you just not say?" Hikari interrupted his rising voice and rapidly increasing distress and agitation. If she focused on the verbal glitch maybe she wouldn't have to deal with the contents of what he was saying just yet.

"Girlfriend," responded Rei, sitting on the arm of the chair and taking Shinji's hand in her own.

Asuka blinked, "You actually? I was joking when I called you that."

"A shared excursion outside our place of residence. A meal together. An evening in each other's company. This is sufficient for a date."

Hikari looks at them, not looking any more confused than she already was because that would have been physically and mentally impossible at this point.

"What am I missing?"

"Zoomi. We were 'don't call it babysitting' Nozomi while you two were on an actual date and Kodama was pretending to be out with her friends."

"There was cuddling."

"Hai," muttered Shinji.

"Also kisses."

"Hai," accepted Shinji in resignation.

"Also mrph" added Rei as Shinji put his hand over her mouth.

"I don't think they need any more details Rei," pleaded Shinji, "I'll concede that babysitting Nozomi was sufficiently date like to qualify us as dating then." He looked nervously at Hikari, "and the only inappropriate thing we did was fall asleep on the couch before Kodama got home".

He looked back at Rei, trying to work out what was going on in her head. They hadn't used labels then and they certainly didn't now. He'd stumbled over how to refer to her after realizing he'd just said 'my' so possessively. Because it implied things about then and he'd spent far too much time with his head in the worst parts of that, dragged Asuka back there, and hadn't been thinking about the good parts. At lot of which were Rei. She was right though, and that was possibly the only time "Girlfriend" came close to describing their relationship.

"Third?" asked Hikari gradually catching up with the situation.

Shinji's head snapped back around to look at her, then he noticed her question was directed at Rei.

"The first body that survived long enough to be inhabited died in an industrial accident necessitating the transfer of the soul to a second clone. The transfer appeared to be successful but was incomplete. Ayanami was functional. No additional attempts were made due to the risk."

"What actually happened?" asked Asuka in response to the official report.

"Doctor Akagi Naoko strangled me. I do not wish to remember the details."

Asuka nods in acceptance. From the rumours she'd heard, Akagi's mother had been even more of a selfish obsessive bitch than her daughter. Which was saying something. Then she asks the other obvious question, to her anyway.

"Who?"

Rei looks at Shinji. Shinji looks back and is suddenly grateful Rei's hair is currently long. Almost to her waist, long enough to tangle his hands in, to hold on to, he didn't need to, he also needed to. They would have time later. He would make time later. Literally if he had to, though he had no idea how to do that without a far bigger disaster than the Impact. For now he had to share another secret that might lose him more than it already had.

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"More secrets Shinji?" asks Hikari pointedly.

Shinji shakes his head, "Not one I won't tell you, it's just going to make things awkward."

"More than they already are?" Asuka asks with an expression of disbelief.

"Much."

"Out with it then."

"My primary genetic donor was Ikari Yui."

"She's your mother?"

"Aunt. A direct clone would be my mother's twin sister."

"Daughter," corrects Rei. "Distant Ancestor would also be correct."

"Rei, what didn't you tell me?"

"Due to sample deterioration mitochondrial DNA was retrieved from a second donor."

"And Shinji would have identical mitochondrial DNA."

"Hai."

Asuka starts to giggle, which grows into all-out laughter.

"What?!" demands Shinji who's trying to work out what is possibly funny about this.

"You're her mother," gasps out Asuka trying to stop laughing but only because it hurts.

Rei smiles slowly, "Tanaka-san and Umi-chan will be entertained."

"You can't tell them!"

"I can."

Shinji sighs in defeat and rests his forehead against Rei's arm. She hasn't let go of his hand and the motion tugs on the bandages across his torso.

"Who's the ancestor?" interrupts Hikari, "You said you were somehow his distant ancestor."

"Lilith."

"You're a fucking angel?" Asuka stares, trying to work out what level of shock, anger or outrage is appropriate.

Rei looks down at Shinji with a very slight smile that is most definitely evil.

"Please don't Rei," Shinji pleads in desperation, raising his head to confirm her expression.

"Evangelion Unit 01 is a direct descendent of Lilith. An awakened Evangelion that is not a child of Adam is required to maintain control of an Impact Event."

Asuka looks confused, Hikari looks lost, Shinji looks pained.

"It would not be entirely inaccurate to describe a portion of the events as Shinji fucking me with an Angel."

Shinji closes his eyes. Rei was technically correct. Technically. It is definitely not how he would have described it.

Hikari starts laughing, "You used an Eva as a strap-on. Were you not big enough?"

Hikari stops, shocked at herself, her insensitivity, this whole utterly insane conversation.

"Shinji's penis is appropriately sized for human scale intercourse. It is far to small to act as the control insertion mechanism for the Black Moon's control system."

"Black Moon?" Asuka interrupts before there's any chance of a second conversation about Shinji's penis.

Shinji interrupts before Rei can say something even more uncomfortable. He'll get her back for this later. Possibly much later, but he'll remind her of it when the time comes.

"It would also not be entirely inaccurate to describe events as using an Evangelion as the entry plug to a fifteen kilometer wide planet altering device."

"Penguins!" declares Hikari, putting one more thing together.

Shinji shakes his head carefully, "Yes, Hikari, I went to all that trouble just so there would be penguins for you again."

That was also not entirely inaccurate.

Asuka snatches the cushion out of Hikari's hands before it can go anywhere.

"Rei, was there any breakfast left? If I'm going to sit through another discussion about penguins, I need something to eat first."

"Shinji and I ate Hikari's. I will make more."

Chapter 29: After Breakfast and Penguins

Summary:

2020, December

Half an hour later

To Shinji and Asuka's resignation, Hikari could in fact find more things Penguin to talk about. Asuka had taken to feeding Hikari her breakfast so she actually shut up and ate something. Rei did a passable imitation of a baby penguin until Shinji dropped food in her mouth. Each thought the other was being unnecessarily cute.

Then again, maybe it was necessary. The last day had been one revelation after another for at least one of the people at the table, though if Rei had been surprised by anything she was the only one who gave no sign other than hints of frustration at not being able to hug Shinji. 

"How many?"

"How many what, Asuka?" Shinji responded, holding out a piece of her breakfast to her as she'd been too distracted feeding Hikari.

"Hey! I'm not involved with penguins, I can feed myself. Rei said 'to an available clone' which implied there was more than one, and I didn't notice any physical differences, she even still needed a hair cut. So they must have all looked like her."

"There were fifty-seven clones remaining when Doctor Akagi destroyed them. They were stored in LCL. I spent my isolation regaining muscle tone."

"They made sixty? Why so many? You didn't die that often."

"Sixty four. You do not wish to know today."

Asuka opened her mouth to insist she did, then closed it again. There were a lot of things she was discovering she did not know about Rei, possibly even more than those she pretended to herself she didn't know because thinking about it. Right, she didn't want to think about it and she was almost certain she didn't want Rei to explain. This was another thing she would have to talk to Shinji about. In another couple of weeks when he could hug her afterwards.

How much did he know that he hadn't told her, or told her and she hadn't listened? How much of him not talking to her was because she hadn't rather them thinking they understood each other without words? They did in a lot of ways. Just not enough. A long way from enough. How badly had she failed as a friend? She went to him, never the other way around. Oh fuckbiscuits. He always had Rei, but what if Rei was the thing he needed help with? How many times had he held her through her nightmares and carried her back to her now-still-wife? How many of those times had both sides of his bed already been warm? What did Rei do when she needed to talk to someone other than Shinji? How many secrets did she hide behind being cryptic? She should know all the answers, she was always so convinced she did. The last few weeks had convinced her how terribly wrong she was.

"Asuka?" Hikari prompted.

Asuka shook her head, she'd work out how to work out how to fix this later. 

"Just adding to the things you can say 'I told you so' to when I tell you about it later."

She turns back to Rei, "So Commander Arsehole wasn't prioritising 01 just because Shinji's Mum was in it?"

"Correct. It was the only Evangelion Unit grown from Lilith's flesh rather than Adam's."

Over half her life as a pilot, and most of the rest dealing with the consequences, and she hadn't known they were piloting bloody Angels until years after the end of the world. Baka-Asuka. It was almost certainly more complicated than that. Everything seemed to be a lot more complicated than she wanted it to be.

"How is Shinji a descendent of Lilith?" Hikari has long since given up on catching up with the conversation and just responds to the bit that's worked its way through her fried brain. She needs another meal, a long hot bath, a month of nothing happening and a lot of oral sex. Asuka can do that much for her with her fingers wrapped.

"Everyone is," interrupts Shinji before Rei can respond. "All life on Earth, not just people."

"Almost." Rei regretted her automatic correction as soon as she uttered it.

"Rei?"

"The Angels that attacked us were children of Adam. There were," Rei shudders, "spare parts for all the Evangelions in Central Dogma. There may be surviving pieces whose location I am unaware of."

Hikari looks almost as pale as Rei has turned.

"You don't know?" ask Asuka a little more forcefully than she intended.

"I am not her," hissed Rei, "I am me."

Asuka recoiled. 

"Sorry," she eventually responded, after deciding this was more likely her fault than Rei's, then that she was probably going to be saying that so much she'd sound like Shinji. Old-Shinji who apologised for breathing, not New-Still-A-Baka Shinji who only apologised for things he could invent a reason for being his fault.

"You just sounded so certain. Sometimes you seem to know everything."

"I do not."

"If souls are real, does that mean?" Hikari asks hopefully.

Shinji squeezes Rei's hand gently then goes back to stroking her palm with his thumb.

He shakes his head sadly, "No one who was dead more than a few hours came back. Asuka's mother went insane. Mine already was. Rei destroyed half a city. Even if we knew how it worked, that's not something we could do often."

Hikari folds her arms on the table and rests her head on them.

Asuka strokes her head and looks at Shinji questioningly.

"We think that Rei was so successful because she wanted it so much. Which implies so did Mother. I'm not happy with her about that."

Shinji rests his head back against Rei's arm.

He'd never believed in the red string of fate, that was something of legends and the kind of manga he'd never have admitted to reading back then. Thankfully Hikari had never asked how he'd known were to look for replacements for the volumes of hers that had been lost or destroyed.

He'd never believed in magic kisses that woke the princess, turning frogs into princes or saved the day. Even before he'd experienced Asuka's 'translations'. He was almost certain that the princes would have preferred peaceful lives being frogs and the princesses would have slapped whoever woke them from their nap rather than married them. Even after he'd kissed Rei the fifth time, which he almost didn't try because she was smiling at their three failed attempts after their first tentative kiss, and Rei's smile was very distracting when it was aimed at you. 

No, he started to believe in them after they were both dead, mostly, again, and he discovered that she'd been drawn back into the world because she wanted another kiss even more than she wanted to die. Now a lot more red bound them together tighter than fate could ever have managed. 

He'd much rather kiss Rei when she decided she wanted kisses than think about why his mother wanted to become a giant robot.

Asuka snorts, though which part of what he said she's not believing Shinji isn't sure, then she looks down at Hikari.

"Could you help me get her back to bed? And wake us when it's time for lunch?"

 

---

"Are you upset with me?"

Rei glanced back towards their housemates door. The soundproofing worked both ways. It also had its limits.

She raised his hand to her lips and kissed the back of his fingers.

"Stitches. No cuddles. No." She stopped again.

"Past me. Future me. What about now me?"

"What do you want?"

She closed her eyes and bit her lip lightly.

"Things I can no longer do. Things I cannot yet do. Before lunch. Neck kisses. Lap pillow. Hair braiding."

"It will be difficult to braid your hair with your head in my lap."

"You should not lift your arms. I will turn. You can touch me."

---

Asuka stared at her ... actually she was at a loss for words.

There was disgustingly cute and there was whatever had possibly happened while she'd been napping with Hikari.

Half of Rei's hair was in a long neat braid that would have reached down to mid thigh if it hadn't been wound up around the full length of Shinji's arm, effectively tying the hand that was cupping her cheek in place. If she didn't know better, she'd think the shadow across her neck as she lay, not looking up at him longingly because her eyes were closed, was a very expansive hickey. Shinji's free hand was resting on Rei's bare waist where her top had ridden up, his fingers tracing patterns on her skin which might have been random but as long as she didn't look too closely could as well have been some of the hundred different kanji she'd studied that meant some variation of love. One of the lengths of Rei's hair that looped under his leg was wrapped around his wrist.

She decided that no one in the house was hungry enough to be allowed to disturb them for a while and quietly crept back to Hikari.

As she got to the door, she paused and shook her head. She was definitely imagining it. They had nothing to do with how carefully she'd studied those kanji, learning how to write them correctly and attempting to decipher their meanings but mostly trying to work out which ones Hikari had traced across her body with her tongue that first night. At least falling down that etymological rabbit hole had helped her distract her from her own feelings until she'd been able to get Hikari alone again.

She opened the door. Hikari. Her Hikari. Her wife. Who had moved in her sleep just far enough since she'd left to grab her pillow and hug it. She smiled. Then the pain in her side reminded her that it might be Hikari's pillow but she was the one who slept on it last night. So it probably smelled of her shampoo after Hikari had washed her and her hair last night before reapplying the gauze and bandage.

She struggled on the threshold. There was so much going on. Serious questions to answer. Like how many of those kanji she could get away with before Hikari woke.

She didn't know how to answer most of the questions raised in the last day, the last ten days, but at least she could find the answer to that one.

She closed the door behind her quietly.

Chapter 30: Beds and Other Shared Spaces

Summary:

2020, December 31st

Kodama rests her chin on the top of Maya's head and slides her hands around her waist.

"You don't have to come."

Maya continues staring at the half-packed suitcase lying open on the end of her bed. It has a lot more room now it doesn't have formal wear for a wedding in it, but after the last few days she's not sure if she should pack her plainest, most covering sleepwear, or nothing at all.

"You have to go back for classes."

"And you don't want to lose your bed warmer?"

Maya smiles, "I only need one of those because someone steals the blankets."

"So what are you worrying about that you're projecting onto packing decisions?"

Maya snorts softly, "You want a list?"

Kodama resists the urge to kiss her neck, shoulder, or ... "If you have one you want to share."

"I've not spent this much time with someone since I moved out of my parents. I don't want to rush things and ruin our friendship. I still want, need, to talk to Shinji and probably Rei as well. I don't know if I want to be involved in all the complications. I do want to be involved with you. I want to be as comfortable as I was when I woke up between you. I don't know what that means or how I feel. I need time to myself to think. I don't want to be alone. I need you to stop what you are doing with your hands or I'm never going to finish packing."

Kodama laughs and removes her hands from Maya's stomach, "Well, as you say, I do have classes, so you'll have time to yourself if you want. Or to go and see whomever you want. Just if you manage to have sex with Shinji, you have to tell me how. Ooph!"

That last was caused by Maya elbowing her gently in the stomach.

"Sorry. I deserved that. If you want to choose, I won't argue but I'm not going to make you. That goes if you choose both, or neither too. So try not to worry about it. See what happens. I'll be your friend if you want me to, whatever happens, and good luck trying to stop Shinji, he's as hard to get rid of as he is to get close to."

Maya folds the clean pair of pajamas and tucks them into the suitcase, she can always decide not to wear them later, "I think what you were trying to say there is 'seduce'."

Kodama moves and sits on the bed next to the suitcase, "No, I tried that a couple of times. He knows how I feel. If it happens it'll be because we both want it to at the same time. If it doesn't, someone must have found a stock of dildos that survived the Impact by now."

She didn't mention that three people had to want it, because she'd have to coordinate her next attempt with Rei, because as much as she enjoyed other things, she wanted to be full of him not just his cooking. But she certainly wasn't going to mention that because she'd have to explain, and that wasn't something that she had the right or permission to share. If he wanted Maya to know, or if Maya managed to get to where she needed to know, then he could tell her himself.

Maya blushes, "What happened to 'good with her hands'?"

"That was 'good with his hands', and neither of our fingers are quite long enough for some things, and tongues are very good but I know yours isn't six inches long either. You wouldn't be able to talk, and I like listening to you talk."

Maya sticks her tongue out at Kodama, proving it is indeed not six inches long and that Kodama wishes she were doing something else with it.

Kodama flops backwards then turns on her side so she can see Maya, "Tease."

Maya frowns, "Sorry. I didn't mean to."

"It's alright. I'll tone it down."

"Oh, don't do that. I like you flirting, I'm just not quite ready yet."

"Just cuddles. Just conversation. I'm patient."

"I'm not!"

Kodama smiles, "Well you'll have to wait at least half a day if we're going to make today's train."

 

---

Kodama unlocked the door and pushed Maya inside, following with their two cases.

"Welcome to my place, make yourself at home."

Maya stepped out of her shoes and put them on the empty rack beside the door and stared.

"This is..."

"Smaller than you thought? I did warn you there was barely room for a tatami mat out here and barely room for the bed in the bedroom. Though it's a nice bed and the bathroom's actually bigger than the bedroom, so if you want to wash off the travel grime you're welcome to."

"Tidy. Clean. You said I probably couldn't cope with living with you for long."

"Oh. I cheated."

Maya turns to look at her questioningly.

Kodama puts on her house slippers and carries the cases past her, "Shinji has the spare key. I called ahead while I was checking out of the springs. So this is much better than I usually manage, there's probably food in the fridge too."

"Oh. I thought you weren't..."

"We're friends. Weird friends that come with random laundry and occasionally shared baths. Very rarely he'll stay over, especially if I'm having a bad day. Sometimes he'll come over just to clean and make sure I ate - I'll come back from class and it'll be like this. He won't want to talk or even see me, he just needs to be doing something useful. One time Hikari banned him from doing housework for a week and I came home to find the freezer full of meals."

Maya snorts softly, "And you think he doesn't love you? Does he usually leave you flowers too?"

Kodama turns, there's a vase of flowers on the kitchen counter, "No. They're not from him."

"Everything else is."

"You haven't taken your coat off yet, you know how cold it is, there's only one way he'd have flowers at this time of year."

"Oh. She's not subtle, is she?"

"I bet if you looked up flower meanings they would be 'love' or 'companionship' or something."

Maya takes her coat off and hangs it by the door, before going into the kitchen, "Snowdrops, suisen, and I don't remember the name but it was extinct until a couple of years ago. I'll get a picture later so Hayami can tell me next time I see her. So it's either whatever's available, she's showing off or it's 'hope for the hermit by the sea'. Did you tell him I was coming or did he just guess?"

"I didn't tell him, so either he guessed, Rei did or he's being..."

Maya smiles, "Should I go home and leave you two..."

"No!" Kodama interrupts, "Whatever he's up to, I invited you because I wanted you here, besides, it could be you he's propositioning."

Maya shakes her head, "He doesn't know me well enough, so..." she pauses, the Shinji she knew and this older, more thoughtful, more mature Shinji she met, "Rei might be up to something, but he's probably just being kind, making it welcoming for you. You were just telling me how he sneaks in and makes the place nice for you."

Kodama places the cases next to the bedroom door, it's probable they'll share the bed, but she doesn't want to make assumptions. Maya's had a long journey to think and decide she needs some distance.

"So, are you going to make me food or clean?"

Kodama splutters.

Maya laughs, "You were telling me what a large bathroom you had, how I should get clean, and you couldn't keep your hands to yourself this morning. The least you can do is wash my back for me."

Kodama regains her composure, "And the most?"

"We'll see how good a job you do on my back."

---

The sun was barely down, the pair of them were clean, and fed. Maya is sitting on the edge of the bed wearing a pair of panties and an amused smile.

If Kodama had seemed quickly comfortable before, she was actually far more comfortable in her own space, and it showed not just in how confidently she moved and knew where everything was - even things that she hadn't put there herself - but in what she let slip and how casually she did so.

Her new friend had talked about her past and her emotions, but it wasn't until she was home that she'd admitted to sharing a bath with Shinji. A very nice bath it was, and one she had talked herself out of sharing herself. For now. Besides, if they'd both been in the bath she wouldn't have been able to watch Kodama bathing. That, however, was a source of her desire, not her amusement.

Kodama had just emptied her case into the empty laundry basket by upending it, then opened the closet door to put Maya's things away. She doesn't have a wide range of outfits and there's plenty of room. A drawer full of clean underwear, minus the pair she's wearing, a shelf of t-shirts she'd previously 'borrowed', shorts for hot days, leggings for cold ones, a few dresses and combinations for when she needed to look presentable. What she'd worn for her sister's wedding was carefully packed away, along with what she intended to wear the next time she made a serious attempt to get Shinji's attention, safely at her family's place where he couldn't accidentally find it. A few of her classmates wore different things every day, but these days they were the unusual, pretentious ones.

"Why is one shelf packed and the other just has a single t-shirt on it?" Maya asked curiously.

Kodama picked up the extraneous shirt, it's soft but in the worn way not the freshly washed way of everything else.

"He definitely didn't know you were coming."

"Oh?" asked Maya in the moment before the thrown t-shirt wraps around her head.

Maya unwraps herself, "Awww. He thought you'd be lonely."

Kodama blushes.

"Should I wear it or did you want to?"

"Maya!"

"What? I know you miss him, he obviously knows you miss him. I know it's not the same, but if it makes you happier or more comfortable, I don't actually mind."

Maya is slightly surprised at her own words, but she replays them in her head and her emotions don't object. She also wouldn't mind if he was here wearing it himself, or taking it off, but she wasn't going to think about that right now. Kodama's expression, however, was causing her to worry.

"Sorry. If you'd rather, I can sleep on the mat in the living room."

Kodama shakes her head, "No, it's not that. It just hit me that you'll be here for a week. It's possible if things are better at home he might visit, and I haven't had anyone stay with me that long since he arrived at my door with an unconscious Nozomi in his arms. I want you here, I want you in my bed, I enjoy sleeping with you. Just you are very much not my baby sister and my head's a bit of a mess."

Maya stands up and wraps her arms around Kodama, "What was wrong with her?"

"Nothing unusual. She was fresh out of the ocean, Shinji was the one who found her, he couldn't take her to Hikari because the four of them were crammed into Misato's old apartment. So he brought her here until a month or so later when our father came back."

Maya strokes her hair gently, she's almost tempted to let her own grow out if it would mean Kodama could do that to her, but she knows better.

Kodama sniffles and sighs, "You absolutely can't tell her that he was the one who found her though, or tell Hikari about the shirt."

"Should I ask why?"

"Nozomi's had a crush on him since, well, since she overheard Hikari trying to talk me into asking him out. She'd freak out if she knew he'd seen her naked, even more so if she knew he'd dried and dressed her. Hikari would just be insufferable, she's been trying to get us together for years and every time she tries it drives us apart. She means well, but sometimes she doesn't understand him at all."

"And you do?"

Kodama laughs, "Some days. I know better than to try to manipulate him into something, even if it's something he wants to do."

Maya nods, "I can see how that wouldn't go well."

"Oh. Right, you've met his father."

"He's not the only one, but yes. The first day I saw Shinji I was on the bridge, frantically trying to correlate data on the first Angel attack while the city was literally falling on our heads. His father was calmly blackmailing him into getting into the Eva by dragging out a half-dead Rei and saying she would pilot if he didn't. He was a scared kid who'd never seen an Eva before, and he did it anyway."

"Half dead? He said she'd been hurt when he met her, he didn't say it was that bad."

"She'd been injured in a previous test. I saw some of the reports later, quite a lot later, she had a broken arm, broken ribs, internal organ damage... she probably wouldn't have even survived the launch. She should have been in intensive care."

Kodama hugs her close, "I'm not like your Sempai. I'm more intelligent than she was."

Maya pulls back to look at her, "I didn't say anything about her."

"You didn't need to, I heard what you weren't saying, and I know what Shinji said about her. Besides, she wasn't smart enough to do this."

"Do wha"

Maya's question is cut off by Kodama kissing her gently.

After a moment Maya pulls away slowly

"You said you were impatient and you are definitely awake."

"I." 

Maya sits on the edge of the bed, bouncing slightly as she lands, it's a much nicer bed than her own and slightly wider even if that makes the room even more cramped. It doesn't put enough distance between them, it puts too much. She should have stayed home. Her face is level with Kodama's waist and there's a stray dark pubic hair sticking out of the edge of her underwear. She resists the urge to tuck it in. And the one to take them off and bury her face. She wasn't ready for the kiss, she definitely isn't ready for that.

"Should I apologize?"

Maya shakes her head firmly, "Let me next time. Or ask before I leave. Whichever is first."

"Sleep then?"

"Will you hold me?"

"Of course."

Maya hesitates for a moment then slips the t-shirt that was lying next to her on the bed over her head. She's not ready for the ways she wants Kodama touching her either, not knowing how gentle she could be, not wanting her to be quite that gentle. The very faint scent of the t-shit reaches her nose. Oh dear. Kodama insisted that it was he who was good with his hands.

She turns her face so Kodama can't see her blushing and crawls up to the end of the bed with the pillows and buries her face in one. She got through basic training and the end of the world. She can handle two monumental crushes. But she can't be Captain Ibuki, not that she has been for several years even if some people still address her that way, but the professionalism and belief in what she was doing got her through. She wasn't sure what she was doing, and she couldn't think that way, not and be open enough to have a relationship not just what her body so desperately wants.

She sighs as the bed dips slightly and a pair of arms wrap around her gently. She needs time to herself. She needs this more.

Emotional. Intellectual Physical. Sexual. 

She's going to have to have words with Rei. After she's talked to Shinji again and discovered which of those apply to him as well as Kodama.

"Did you want to talk about it?"

"You are too perceptive. And comfortable. Maybe tomorrow. Though you may want to put something more on if you don't want me accidentally groping you in my sleep."

Kodama doesn't move more than to nuzzle Maya's shoulder.

"Hmph!" mutters Maya into the clean soft pillow. She was half hoping Kodama would get up to put something on, half hoping she wouldn't move, half hoping that she'd 'borrow' the t-shirt that smelled of a blend of Kodama's space and Shinji, half hoping she'd just take it off and there would be nothing but skin between them, half hoping she wasn't going to die of embarrassment before Kodama kissed her again, half hoping she had the courage to turn and do that now. That was a lot of halves. There were probably more. She was comfortable, they fit together nicely this way but her arms were empty.

"If you put something on, I'll turn around."

There was a momentary sense of loss as Kodama rolled away and got up. 

It didn't last long as her ankles were gripped a few seconds after the closet door closed.

"Hey!"

"You look very comfortable, but even I won't be able to keep you warm if you insist on sleeping on top of the blankets. So get in properly so you don't freeze."

Maya rolled over so Kodama could tug the blankets from under her, then rolled back so she'd be facing Kodama when she got in and covered them.

"Better?"

She wrapped her arms around her friend and pulled her close, burying her face against the soft fabric.

"Hai." Kodama felt her response more than heard it. They didn't quite fit as well this way and it was going to take her longer to get to sleep, but not because she wasn't comfortable. 

Notes:

Almost all of this was written before Ancestors turned out the way it did. But in thinking about it, Shinji absolutely would get away for a few hours to clean Kodama's apartment for her despite being barely a week into healing. How much trouble he gets in for doing so however...

Kodama is somewhat wrong about the flowers, pre-Second Impact Japan did have several flowers you could find around new year, and with the climate returning to somewhat normal they can be found in their previous range. That is Rei's fault though, so she's not entirely wrong.

Chapter 31: Cleaning and Other Signs of Affection

Summary:

2020, December 30th

Kodama's Apartment, the day before

"Blood of my veins, what are you doing?"

Shinji looked up guiltily. Partly because he hadn't locked the door behind him. Partly because his hand was full of Kodama's underwear. Mostly because he was doing laundry. He did still have the other arm in the sling to prevent him doing anything that would put weight on the shoulder with the stitches. He doubted that was going to carry any more weight than his arm.

"Kodama is bringing Maya home."

She hadn't said that, but there were very few reasons Kodama would actually ask him to clean and the only reason she'd ask him to do it properly was if she was bringing someone home that wasn't him. She'd sounded happy. He wasn't going to let her down. It was just taking a lot longer than he planned because he was trying to follow Rei's instructions to be careful as well.

Long enough for Rei to be done with her errand and work out where he was.

Apparently also long enough for Rei to pick flowers. More than the one she had tucked into her hair where the braid he'd spent a careful hour doing this morning was starting to come unraveled. Not his best work, but Rei hadn't seemed to mind. Braiding one handed had been difficult, and he'd had to start over several times. Rei had just laughed and shaken herself until the braid unwound. It had been as carefully playful as anything they could safely do.

"Will she be unhappy I am here? I brought steps."

He dropped Kodama's underwear in the washer. It took him a moment to open the mesh bag that protected her bras one handed but he wasn't going to use both with Rei standing there. That done, he started the delicates cycle, it wouldn't take much power and doing them now meant he could hang them to dry while he was doing other things. Like working out how to wash the bedding, or explaining what he was doing to Rei.

If it had been Kodama in Rei's room, it would be an entirely different conversation. Kodama was his not Rei's. Not that he was possessive of her. Often. Not that he was allowed to be. Ever. Especially if she was successfully courting Maya, which he hoped was why she had sounded so happy. Just he was fairly sure about why Rei was encouraging his relationship with Kodama and Kodama being in Rei's space, Kodama being Rei's, would break that. Not the relationship, not the friendship, just an important part to the way their pieces fit together. Even if Maya took over many of the things he did for Kodama, which he'd be content with - they both deserved to be happy in ways he couldn't help them achieve - the friendship they'd built would be there.

"There's a vase in the top cupboard in the kitchen. The steps will be helpful."

Rei nodded and went to retrieve the small steps she'd left in the entryway, leaving him to ponder the other question.

Would Kodama mind? She'd certainly prefer to have known in advance, but he had no way to contact her to ask. She was either with Maya or they were travelling. He had Maya's address, not her phone number and even if he had, if they were together he certainly wasn't going to risk interrupting whatever they were doing. Which he had not been thinking about while gathering Kodama's scattered laundry, whatever it might have looked like when Rei arrived.

What had Rei called him this time? "Blood of my veins"? Certainly Kodama had joked that she was glad they weren't actually joined at the hip. Admittedly she'd then kissed him to demonstrate why she thought that way. But it was one of the many reasons why they were not dating. Officially. Kodama joked that the trip together was their first date, and by Rei's standards apparently it was. Rei bringing her flowers, and he'd have to look later but he suspected she'd picked the same one's he would have, probably from the same hillside, was not exactly subtle. For Rei anyway. If they were for either Kodama or Maya. He knew why that particular flower grew on that specific hill this time of year. If she was making a point to him, well it was about as subtle as the Angel of Excessive Smiting and with more layers than the cake he'd made for her last birthday.

He shook his head to dispel the memories. No, Kodama wouldn't mind. Especially if she knew he was hurt. She'd probably ask why he hadn't asked for help. She'd understand why he wouldn't ask Hikari, who had been here before but if there was something he was going to keep from Hikari for a while longer it was why he had a key to her sister's apartment. Especially since he was currently using it to once again get around a ban on doing housework.

He needed to talk to Kodama first, to work out what their current relationship even was before saying anything more than he had to Hikari. Assuming if whatever it was survived him telling Hikari and Asuka intimate and very personal details. And Rei bringing her flowers. 

---

He emerged from the laundry and his thoughts to find Rei dusting the top of the fridge. The dishes were dried and stacked on the table where any escaping dust wouldn't reach them. The counters had been wiped down but nothing that wasn't accessible without opening a drawer or cupboard had been touched. The flowers were resting in the sink waiting for the vase that the steps would allow him to reach without stretching his arm above his shoulder.

With Rei here he could mop the floors with less pain. He could bend to wash the bath, but carrying a bucket of water around would have been uncomfortable.

---

Rei sat on the stool beside the bath while he slowly and carefully cleaned it. She had apparently decided this was one of the things too personal for her to do. She'd helped with the blankets on the bed but left him alone to remove the sheets. That or she was avoiding getting wet and the scent of sweat. Kodama's - from sleeping comfortably under several more layers than she did when he was there. Anyway, despite how slowly he had been scrubbing he was getting warm. From the cleaning, not from watching Rei running the end of her braid along her legs while she kept it off the floor.

He sat up and rocked back on his heels until he was next to her and she slowly wiped a damp hair away from his eyes as he looked at her.

"Bubbles?"

He nodded, "Yes. Not as deep as you like them sometimes. She even piled them on my head when she thought I was being too serious."

Rei smiled, "Fun?"

"Yes, she had fun."

"You?"

"What are you asking?"

"This. You clean for her. You clean for you. Are there memories of joy?"

Shinji looked back at the now clean tub. He remembered Kodama sitting in it dejected, the faint stench of stomach acid still in the air. He remembered Kodama definitely not accidentally in hindsight waving her ass in his face as she climbed in. He remembered Kodama giggling as she dumped bubbles on his head. He remembered her soft sighs as he touched her while she floated in the warm water.

Perhaps joy wasn't the right word, but there was a progression from pain to pleasure. A complicated one with lots of setbacks, but if you simplified it down to just what happened here it was surprisingly clear. The warmth hadn't been just from the water.

He wondered if Kodama and Maya would share the bath when they arrived. It was a good way to relax after a long journey. He liked the idea. They would be good for each other. Another step on the way to Kodama finding happiness.

He had, however, found a reason Kodama would be upset with him being here with Rei in his apartment.

He shook his head. This was Kodama. First she'd laugh at him for being embarrassed about getting an erection in her bathroom. Then she'd grumble for a while about not being there to do anything with it - once she'd gone into elaborate and explicit detail about what she'd do with and to him in an attempt to provoke a physical reaction from him - it hadn't had the intended effect but they'd enjoyed the afternoon anyway. Then she'd insist on him reminding her of all the things he could do to make her gasp, squirm and squeal until she fell asleep happily in his arms.

There was no point in attempting to hide it from Rei either. She'd have noticed even without his unconscious adjustments to make himself comfortable. Her question had been about emotions, but she was well aware of how he reacted to thoughts of women he loved, especially as she was the one most likely to be naked in his bed. Except Asuka of course, and she knew why that was too.

He shook his head again. Thinking about Asuka when she wasn't physically there wasn't helping either. His mind was wandering, he may as well let it wander somewhere he could tell Kodama about later.

The bath was long enough for Kodama to stretch out in, even with him sitting behind her at one end, so there was plenty of room for Rei to float in hot water and bubbles. He could leave her knowing she was loved with kisses and candles - the Shidas would have some more beeswax candles for him by now - and take Kodama to bed. Well, if it was for Kodama, that would involve picking her up and carrying her to her room before dropping her on the bed and not even waiting to undress her before burying himself as far inside her as he could go. His own fantasies tended to be much slower, but that would probably be the next hour, or the next day while Rei was making them breakfast.

He smiled. He had no illusions that either of them would have the patience, or need, for any more foreplay. At least the only things likely to be damaged in the process would be clothing and sheets.

He glanced over at Rei, who smiled at him, kissed his forehead next to the healing scrape then got up and left the room.

He sighed and got up to rinse out the remaining traces of soap from the bathtub. Kisses and hand-holding were the most he could do for far too long.

---

As he dried off and thought through the next couple of hours - it would take a while for the bedding to finish drying, which was fine as he needed a break - he was glad that Rei was there. They could make a meal, and she could lift the heavier pots as he worked slowly through restocking Kodama's fridge. If she was spending the day travelling back from Maya's, she would be tired and he could save her the effort of cooking a meal. He didn't know what Maya liked, so all he could do was make the things he made for Kodama and hope she could eat them.

As long as he didn't overdo it, he'd still be able to hold Rei's hand as they walked home. He smiled. They could scandalise the neighbours, though given where they lived it could be for any combination of the hand holding in public, the being male, or the touching the local Kami. Though the closer they got to home, the more people were likely to think they were related in ways that, like almost any attempt to describe their relationship, were not entirely wrong.

---

As Rei was putting her shoes and coat on, a considerably more elaborate procedure than his own because apparently she'd been wearing her tall boots, he took a quick look around to make sure he hadn't missed anything. He paused to adjust the vase of flowers slightly so they would be facing where she usually turned when she came in. Everything else was clean and tidy, things in their place where she'd know where to find them.

The order was a contrast to the state of his relationships - which would be simpler if Kodama and Maya decided to date just each other. His emotions were remarkably settled. The two rarely lined up, even when it came to Rei, and today was no different. The next month didn't look likely either.

He pocketed a fallen petal and turned towards the door.

---

Shinji locked the door behind him. He would have to thank Kodama at some point for letting them use her apartment. Not that they'd done anything inappropriate. It was just, a slow afternoon with Rei. Forced to be slow by his injuries. It had been productive in a purely domestic sense. It was several hours in a space with just them. Not that he didn't want to live where they did. They all needed each other as much as they loved each other. But a quiet space that was just himself and Rei. He would definitely like this too.

It had felt cosy, the way it did when he stayed with Kodama overnight, not empty the way the house did when Hikari and Asuka had been away for their honeymoon. A week with just himself and Rei had been enjoyable, it would probably have been more so if their neighbours hadn't kept checking on them, but the spaces where they belonged had started to feel hollow by the time they returned. But the idea of having a place like this with just themselves was enticing. At least until they had children of their own, but it would be another five years before that happened. There was a lot to do before then.

 

Chapter 32: Kodama's Apartment - 2019 August

Summary:

2019, Mid August

Previously, in Kodama's Apartment

 

Shinji and Kodama are sitting on the comfortable chair by her window together after dinner. Well, mostly Shinji is sitting on Kodama because it's not really large enough for both of them but a couch would take up most of her small apartment. There's room for them to sit on the bed, but if they did that they'd end up cuddling to sleep again like last time.

Besides the clouds are pretty from this angle, and they can't see down to the ocean without standing. Which Shinji is not allowed to do after the time before last. She can't change her apartment or her Shinji, so it's going to be much later in the day, or the year, before they can sit and talk on her small balcony again. One of these days she'll get him out for a moonlight summer night picnic, but knowing her luck Hikari would show up to ruin everything again. Not that she should blame her sister for all the things that interfered with their relationship, not with one of them sitting on her.

"So who else knows?"

"About what?" 

They'd talked a lot about their lives, including about their parents. Things he wasn't sure even Asuka knew, though apparently he'd talked a lot in sleep and semi delirium when she'd been taking care of him after Rei had killed the Angel of Mindfuckery. At least she already knew he loved her then, so that hadn't been a surprise. Things he was almost certain Hikari didn't know, from the days and weeks after their mother's death.

"Well, Hikari hasn't been crowing about us spending time together again. You know she'd be planning a wedding by now if she thought she could get away with it. You're officially old enough, and she'd be all 'Onee-chan you should get married first' because you know she and Asuka will once it's legal for them and she can be weirdly traditionalist sometimes. Which means she doesn't know about this, or that you're older than she thinks."

"Which is why I haven't told her anything. Did you want to?" 

It wasn't the only reason of course, but as good a friend as Hikari had become there were topics that he did not want to risk giving her the opportunity to discuss, several of them involved the woman he was sitting on.

"Hell no. We're sleeping together, not dating, and then only when our schedules and traumas line up. The second time she shared a bed with Asuka she had her tongue deep in Asuka's pussy, there's no way she'll believe you haven't had yours in mine after well over a year."

Shinji blushed. He was almost immune to Rei saying embarrassing and misleading things, he still wasn't used to Kodama doing it, especially as she meant literally sleeping together and he had thought about doing that with Kodama, amongst other things.

"What? You're the one who complained about soundproofing and the third time they shared a bed."

She squeezes him with the arm that's wrapped around him, reminding him she's there and so's he. 

"So does Asuka know? You call her your best friend, but would she keep it from Hikari?"

"She knows we have dinner sometimes, and she knows how I need to take care of people. She also understands how her girlfriend is, so I'm pretty sure she could walk in on us and all she'd do is say, 'Make sure you're the one who washes the sheets, because I'm not going to be the one to tell Hikari.' She'd probably grill me later, but she wouldn't tell Hikari any of it."

"Walk in on us doing what exactly?"

"Uh. Um. Well."

"You are too easy to tease my friend. Obviously Rei knows, even if she couldn't possibly have caused us to share a bed on our first date, she's had plenty of time to disapprove. Has she ever said anything to you?"

"I am Rei."

"Well, that's helpful."

"Even Rei has limits. If she tried to be my whole world she could, but she'd lose herself. She'd stop being Rei. Neither of us wants that."

He doesn't say how, or again, or that they had, for an undescribable time, in an equally indescribable way, been the whole world not just each other's. He definitely doesn't say anything about what it would take to get her back. He likes Kodama, she doesn't need that burden.

"So she approves?"

Shinji laughs, "She sent you some of her precious bubble bath. She reminded me it makes her slippery and to be careful when we got out of the bath. She reminds me to touch you before I leave and she knows how I am about that."

"What's that supposed to mean? You've never had any problems touching me. Even when I was soaking wet, naked and covered in mud and seaweed."

"That was different. I thought anyway." He pauses, "You were barely conscious, right? You didn't deliberately strategically place seaweed like we were in a censored manga or something?"

She laughs, "No! Really? Your life really is a movie sometimes huh? Oh. Does that mean you were untangling seaweed from me? Touching my delicate teenage body?"

He shakes his head firmly, "It washed off. I didn't touch you like that!"

"So you touched me but it was the same as you touched everyone else you rescued?"

There's a silence. It drags on. Dammit. What did she say this time? She was worrying about him being impersonal, wanting to believe she was somehow special to him, even then, even though he wasn't yet to her, but she wasn't the only one of his friends he'd rescued personally. Had he rescued Rei? Asuka? Hikari? Toji? Sakura? Kensuke? She knew he'd been there for Nozomi, but she couldn't recall how distant he might have been, she'd been worried about her baby sister. She'd never asked about it before and she didn't know how to undo whatever she'd just done.

A few psychology courses didn't make her a trained therapist and even though they all needed one, how would anyone even train for helping what he'd been through? She could just be there when she could, and hope she still had circulation in her legs because he might be able to lift her but the reverse wasn't true, especially from sitting. Hope that the rest of his family could support him when she couldn't. She relied on him too much, not as much as either of them wished she could, but sometimes more than he could cope with.

She rests her head against him. They're even dressed well enough that even her sister wouldn't be suspicious. Her baby sister. Hikari would suspect something just from them being alone in a room together. She did have a free hand, she could get at least some of his clothing off. Maybe she could get to enough skin to help. She could kiss him, that usually got his attention, but she only wanted to do that when he was there with her, not this empty shell of the person she loved more than she should.

---

She'd gotten his shirt far enough out of his pants that she could touch his skin when she looked up again. She knew that look. They were too similar sometimes. The look she'd seen in the mirror a month after her mother died, after her sisters were asleep and her absence finally hit. More recently when she'd lost a child she'd barely known existed, didn't want, couldn't handle. Layers of complicated grief that smothered reason. She'd been thinking about who he'd rescued. Should she have been thinking about who he hadn't? Had some of his friends not come back at all? Was that another thing he was protecting her from by refusing to get closer than they were?

---

She was crying into his shoulder, again. Not the heaving mess from before, just the heavy weight of everything leaking out of her eyes. She was crying and trying to touch him and had pulled off at least one of his buttons when he lifted his head.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Know what?"

"Not to ask you about that. You've talked about the beaches before. It might even have been the first actual conversation we had. I didn't think about the enormity or the implications."

He looks at her, his expression unreadable, "I didn't have to help all fifty one million, nine hundred..." he trails off. "I didn't have to help everyone. No one could do that. I can only manage a few. Even if I did nothing else, and I tried that, they stop being real after a while and that was even worse than letting someone else help."

She raises her head and kisses his cheek, then his lips softly. She got a response, a flicker of a tongue, tasting her. She deepens the kiss for a long moment before pulling away.

"See. I'm real. You most definitely help me."

He rests his forehead against hers, "I know."

 

---

She stopped at the end of the road and reluctantly let go of his hand. The summer sun was still well above the horizon and they were quite visible to anyone who looked, but they were out of sight of the house so hopefully that didn't include her sister.

He doesn't look back. Which is for the best. If she sees his face, she'll want to take him home again. Or kiss him, again. Or drag him off into the bushes, but they'd end up in some poor lesbian's front garden if she did that. Not that there were many bushes, but there were a lot of lesbians to be annoyed at her. She wanted things that were a bad idea, that she wasn't yet capable of, so here she was letting him go home to where her sister would feed him and Rei would be the one sleeping in his bed, and she had to be content with making sure he got there safely.

 

 

Notes:

This takes place a couple of weeks before Weddings and Other Problems, wherein Shinji is thinking that the few women he's attracted to are unavailable "for obvious reasons" - Asuka's attached, most of their neighbours are lesbians.

Except both Rei and Kodama are right there. Complicated for different reasons, but right there.

Baka-Shinji.

Chapter 33: Kodama's Apartment - 2019 October

Summary:

2019, Mid October

It is a year after Rei sent Shinji off to Kodama with a small bottle of bubble bath tucked in the bag with the dinner he was making, and Shinji is once more away from home and cooking. The situations are, however, not the same.

Thursday, October 17th - Early Evening

Kodama opened her apartment door to the scent of cooking.

"Honey, I'm home!" she called in English while toeing her shoes into the rack by the door.

There was laughter from the kitchen, so that was a good sign. She dropped her bag next to the shoe rack, she'd deal with her research assignment later, hopefully tomorrow depending on whether she could talk him into more than just dinner today.

The weight literally off her shoulder, she padded into the kitchen, made sure he wasn't holding a knife and slipped her arms around him from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder to see what he was making. That was one of the nice things about having a boyfriend as tall as she was, no leaning involved. 

Well, not a boyfriend. Boyfriend would imply actually seeing him on a regular basis, a larger commitment to their relationship than showing up when he felt like it, and after well over a year now of sharing dinner and occasionally a bed, hopefully some sex. She wasn't being fair, she knew why they weren't dating, that he couldn't commit to more than dinner when he could get away, that she was more likely to have another panic attack than agree if he ever said yes. They both had busy lives. Sometimes his body turned up but his emotions didn't. Sometimes they didn't get dinner because she just needed to be held.

However this was the third time in the past month and the second in as many weeks that she'd come home from classes to find him cooking. One of her better ideas had been giving him the spare key. 

Once she'd come home hot and exhausted to find food in the fridge and all her laundry done. Including both her good and her tattered underwear. Fortunately for him he wasn't there for her to be annoyed at until after she'd calmed down, remembered that he did the laundry for three other women, that he'd seen far worse of her than underwear that should probably have been thrown out rather than washed and that she only kept around because they couldn't get more stained than they already were, and decided to be thankful.

It was definitely better when he was still here though.

He lifted a lid to stir the contents and her stomach growled at the smell. 

Food could be better than sex, especially when it was her friend-not-boyfriend doing the cooking, and just her fingers and not her friend-not-boyfriend providing the sex. One of these days she'd get both.

"You have five minutes until it's done if you want to get changed."

She kissed his shoulder, "I'll be right back."

---

She dropped her clothing on the bed and opened the wardrobe. One of the downsides of being tall was that even if your not-a-boyfriend was also tall, that still didn't mean that when you stole his shirts to wear that they covered your butt. He was making a proper dinner so she probably shouldn't go back out in just her panties. She was on hiatus from trying to seduce him anyway. She picked up a comfortable flowing skirt that had an easy tie to undo. A girl could dream. 

---

Food was already on the table when she went back out, an unusually luxurious pile of meat, sliced vegetables, potatoes and some sort of lumpy thing she wasn't sure about. It looked a very European dish - something he'd make for Asuka, not her.

"What do we have, and why are you treating me?"

"Rabbit stew with dumplings, and I can't make it at home. Rei is already upset with me without me cooking bunnies in front of her."

Kodama looked at him, a slight frown showing the tension that had crept back into her face. She'd relaxed as soon as she knew he was there, leaving the stress of the day by the door with her shoes. Of course she never knew what she was going to get with him, but just him being there helped. She wasn't sure about "cooking bunnies" either but knew rabbits were bred for meat in some places and invasive species in others, especially after the post Second Impact population decline. She'd lost most of her remaining squeamishness about food after the Third. Far more alarming was Shinji's casual mention that Rei was upset with him.

She reached out and touched him, "You don't seem like a ghost." 

Of course there were plenty of ghost stories where the ghost was physical, and enough rumors that Rei was one, or some sort of kami at least. Her tendency of turning up, long blue hair flowing around her, doing something useful, only touching things and not people, then leaving again certainly helped. She might know better, about the touching people part anyway, but she was Shinji's lifeblood as well as his cuddlebug. He'd lost Rei twice, and the second time the world had ended, she had reason to be very concerned, but he was calmly making dinner not tearing reality apart to get her back or following her into whatever disaster had happened. Loving him was never going to be simple, and he'd never love her like that, but even though she wanted him to love her more than he did she was usually certain she didn't want him to do so that much.

"I'm not. I'd notice if I was dead again."

She lived in a world where having your friends say things like that was perfectly reasonable.

"You said Rei was upset with you."

He smiled, "Just because I love her more than air, doesn't mean we don't have our disagreements. Sometimes we need not to be around each other."

He probably meant that literally too. Her curiosity had gotten the better of her and she'd learned a lot more details about the properties of LCL that she'd needed, to the point she was amazed he could even cope with taking a bath. She'd have a fear of being submerged if it were her, but the only time his breath even hitched when they shared a bath was when she moved his hand up to her breast. But you could breathe the stuff, so he didn't actually need air the way he needed Rei. He'd never need her like that.

"And I'm second choice again?"

"Third actually."

She glared at him and picked up her spoon, he'd put out chopsticks for her as well, but this looked like it would be easier to eat with the European utensils that Asuka had gifted everyone with. There was room for those in a drawer in her small kitchen, but not for the pot he'd been cooking the stew in. He'd obviously come prepared as well as been here for a while. She knew she could never compete with Rei for his affections, but compete was entirely the wrong word. That didn't stop it stinging sometimes. But Third? For all he declared that Asuka was his best friend, he didn't talk about her often. Hikari. Rei. But rarely Asuka, even though they obviously loved each other.

"Rei knows where I am. Asuka knows I came to see you. Hikari thinks I'm having a sleepover with Toji. Which I can still do if you'd rather not have me here, he's half expecting me, but I thought you might like company for a day or two."

She swallowed the piece of dumpling, which was a shame, it had an interesting texture and had picked up the mix of flavors from the stew.

"Or two?"

"I could stretch it to three unless something comes up that's important enough they'll let me back on the beach."

She sighs, "Of course that was your second choice. Just for that you should have sex with me after dinner."

"We should take a bath first."

Fortunately for Shinji's continued survival, or at least that of his eardrums, the rabbit was in pieces large enough they required chewing. He could not possibly have meant that. Sure, they took baths together sometimes. Often. As often as she dared to ask. Occasionally when she dragged him in, the water warming him in ways her body could not. When that wasn't why, it was relaxing and comforting and he was very good at getting her thoroughly clean. She'd tried seducing him. She'd given up. He'd asked her to stop. For once she'd kept her impulses under control, and she'd had a lot of those when it came to him, but she wanted, needed, his friendship and company even more than she wanted to do more than exchange light touches and not so light kisses. It couldn't possibly be as simple as just asking. So why today? If he'd just wanted to share a bath and a bed he'd have said so.

She dug into the stew. It was really good as long as she didn't think too much about the animal who'd gifted them its life for their meal.

---

She was clean and warm and half-floating half-sitting in his lap, once again pleased at herself for having given up bedroom space in favor of this extra large tub, and while his hands had lingered on her breasts and hips as he washed her before they got in, he wasn't aroused. She, on the other hand, was going to have to take matters in hand soon.

"Were you serious?"

"About what?"

"Staying the night? And tomorrow night?" 

He'd said two days, was that two nights as well? Or two whole days and tonight didn't count? Could she really get three whole days and nights with him? There's no way she'd get the entire weekend as well, she'd fail at least one class and he'd be annoyingly insistent that she didn't. Even three days would be more than they'd had before, things never went that well.

"If you want me to."

"And the other thing?"

She'd literally told him they should have sex less than an hour ago, and now she couldn't even manage a euphemism.

"If you want me to."

She nudged him with her elbow, with a gentleness that did not reflect her level of frustration, she wanted him to continue breathing after all, "Do you want to?"

"For over a year now, but we talked about it, it's not fair to you, it might not happen again for a long while if ever. But I could be here tomorrow when you get home so you'd know it wasn't because of anything you did."

"Are you doing this because Rei's upset with you? Or is she upset because you wanted to do this?"

He kissed her shoulder, then the side of her neck, "No and no."

"Then why?"

"You asked."

"I've asked before."

"Beautiful, Intelligent, Interesting."

"You'll have to do better than that, or at least come up with some new compliments."

"Cute? Sexy? Hot?"

She snorts softly, he was deliberately not trying, "Feeble. What aren't you saying?"

"Things I shouldn't."

"Guilty?"

"Always, you know that, but not about this."

"Which 'this'?"

"Wanting you. Wanting to touch you. You made it very clear you didn't mind."

"I still don't, you can keep your reasons to yourself if you want as long as you don't keep your hands."

---

"Do you know what you're doing?" 

He'd spent nearly ten minutes touching her, his hands mostly hidden under the water, that wasn't what she was asking about.

"You've given me several clear demonstrations, but I might need to practice a few times to learn your sensitive spots."

She splutters, "That's not what I meant."

"I've kissed five people, if I told you more than that you'd be wrong about all of them."

"Asuka, Rei, Me?"

"Not today. Please? I'd rather think about touching you."

"Is that why you're fondling my boobs again?" she took the hint and changed the subject, slightly.

"No, that's because I like them, and the woman they are part of. Should I stop?"

"I definitely didn't say that!"

He brushes his thumbs across both nipples in a perfectly mirrored movement that sends a pleasant shiver up her spine, "You're more than them. You're more than body parts. I'd still like you if they were old and wrinkly."

She snorts softly and skeptically.

"What? I know what it would look like, far more old people need help than young ones, though at least when they slip on the mud it's much less likely to be deliberate."

"You're being hit on by old ladies now?" she teased.

"As if you wouldn't even if you were 80. And it's not new, I just started paying attention to different things after one of our conversations. Even when people are lost and confused, they gravitate to people who look like they know what they're doing, remind them of someone they know, or that they are attracted to. A surprising number of women got Shiraishi's card even if she wasn't the one who picked them up the third time they stumbled."

"Are you recruiting?"

"What? No! Just community is important for a lot of people. Knowing there's people around you that understand, that won't be offended because you exist, you know what my neighbors are like, and your classmates. And we do the same thing for others too. I didn't even know there was anyone from Nepal in Japan, and there's more of them than the Americans who turned up here."

Kodama rolled over so she was resting with her hands on the bottom of the tub and her ass cooling slightly as it stuck out of the warm water. She pushed herself up and kissed him gently.

"Do I need to take over this seduction? Because telling me you'd love me when I'm old and wrinkly might work as the lead up to a marriage proposal, but it's not going to get you into my panties."

He looked over her shoulder at her now almost submerged but still bare ass, "You aren't wearing any."

She pressed herself against him, slowly, as much to avoid causing ripples that would spill over and cause them to have to clean up before she got him to bed, as to tease him. 

"Then there's nothing in your way."

---

The bath was starting to get cool and they still hadn't gotten out. There had been quite a bit of kissing and nowhere enough fondling for her needs, but her ass had been nicely appreciated until she'd rolled over in an effort to get him to touch somewhere else. For once he'd taken the hint. She still hadn't gotten any part of him inside her, but there was time for that, more time than she'd had before. Hopefully that would mean more of him than she'd had before too.

He'd avoided talking about his prior experience, which given his options... Crap. There was one possibility she really didn't want to think about but now that she had she needed to know. No matter how unlikely it might have seemed before her insecurities brought it out of the back of her mind wrapped in her doubt that she deserved anything, so had the prospect of having him touch her the way she wanted only a few hours ago. At least he would actually tell her if she asked, he would always answer even if it was to tell her why he couldn't, or ask if she was sure she wanted to know. Hikari had changed the subject twice.

"Alright, I'm not going to ask you what you've done with who as long as you didn't have sex with my little sister."

For a brief, terrifying, moment he thought she meant Nozomi whose recent growth spurt had been in more directions than just up and would one day be as attractive as her sisters. To someone else! Who hadn't known her as a high velocity ten year old, not that she'd slowed down much but she was still even more of a child than Asuka had been at the same age, and that was a very good thing as far as he was concerned, they had all grown up too fast.

"Of course not. Asuka would try to kill me again. What did Hikari say this time?"

Of course it was Hikari.

He hadn't thought about Hikari and sex, in relation to himself anyway, since the end of the world. Not even after he'd accidentally walked in on her and Asuka, who for once had been so quiet he thought they were still out on their date. Their laundry did not get done that day. That he'd seen even more of the real Asuka than before had promptly killed whatever his imagination might have come up with.

"It wasn't the usual 'You should date Shinji' talk, and at least she didn't bring up how cute our children would be this time."

His hand found hers under the water and she paused, before continuing, to twine her fingers around his and place it back on her breast.

"No, she opens with 'I'm not saying you should get married', meaning that if Kensuke could manage it, so could I, especially as she had a candidate lined up for me, and it was my duty as the oldest daughter to get married first before she worked out how to marry Asuka.

"'You don't even have to date,' she continues, meaning Asuka's still annoyed about Hikari dragging her out at the last minute to the last place she organised for us in an attempt to arrange a date, not meaning she's given up. 'Just have sex. You need to get railed. He needs to get laid.' Then she goes on for another minute about how we could solve each other's sexual frustrations, and you should definitely be the one pinning me against a wall, the floor, a bed, before I could get a word in."

She shifted her position slightly, feeling him against her wasn't helping her sexual frustrations either. She closed the hand that was still over his slightly, the way that caused his fingers to slide along the side of her breast made things worse, or perhaps better, but the point was that it would reassure him that she wasn't annoyed at him, just Hikari, and that she still wanted him touching her.

"Even asking if she was saying this because you had a big dick didn't shut her up. If she'd given me any space to think, I might have asked her how she knew how big your dick was, because I already did. Or why she was acting like she'd just found the box of dildos I inherited from Mother. One of those might have actually worked. As questions to stop her talking. I left the box at the house when we moved, even with Hikari moving herself and half her things into Asuka's room, there wasn't room or explanations enough to pack that."

"Instead she just gave me the extended version of how good you'd be for me, how skilled you were, how kind and gentle, except this time so full of innuendo I thought it might take an 'appropriate use of force' to shut her up. If you hadn't told me otherwise, I'd have thought she was the one who hadn't had sex in four years."

It took a moment for Shinji to recover, it wasn't the worst thing Hikari had done, but Kodama had mimicked her sister's officious tone and the image of Class Representative Horaki declaring "You need to get railed" was both entertaining and mortifying. Also thankfully distracting from the other things Kodama had just said, if not what she'd done.

He was also very careful, even in the cramped apartment the only person who had seen him naked was Rei - and PenPen but he really hoped that didn't count. He was almost certain Asuka had done more than just peek during that test but she'd been behind him. It wasn't that he was embarrassed, though that was definitely part of it, it was just inappropriate. That he was comfortable partly or entirely naked around Kodama was as strange as other aspects of their friendship.

"I don't think she was lying, unless she saw something during the hallucinations at the end of the world that she's never mentioned."

He wasn't going to mention anything either, sometimes he remembered things he knew were not real. If the real Hikari brought something up, they'd probably laugh at the absurdity. But it really wouldn't have required much to change their whole combination of relationships. If Asuka hadn't held his nose quite so firmly closed. If Hikari had taken the fact that Asuka loved him rather than vice verse as inspiration. If he hadn't held Rei's hand to help her out of the entry plug. If he'd been a year or two older when he met Hikari's hot older sister.

Who was watching him, and definitely hot. Mostly metaphorically, the water was getting cool but her skin was still warm under his hands, especially where she still had her own hand over his. Also not at all metaphorically naked, which was definitely far more attractive than any time he'd seen Hikari without clothing.

She'd rolled back over to face him, not pressed against him as she had before, but more upright so she could see him better, or possible so he could see her. Once he'd finally gotten the hint that she liked him looking, she'd made sure he got the opportunity when circumstances allowed.

"I hope I don't have to give you the talk about how it's perfectly normal to think of other people when you get yourself off, because giving Hikari that talk was a disaster. I'm not my mother."

"That's good because being naked in the bath with her would be awkward. Though if you look like her in another ten years..."

She leaned over and kissed him, "That was sweet and very optimistic, but if I walk in on our daughter flicking the bean in the bath, you get to give her the talk."

"Uh."

If one other thing was different, the position she'd shifted into as she kissed him would have put them very close to starting on that scenario. Which would be a terrible idea, for even more reasons than the ones they'd already talked about, but for a moment he wanted that as much as he wanted her.

She kissed him again, "Shush. I'm not expecting anything like that to actually happen. I was just thinking about my mother and how calm she was about it. All the importance of hygiene and locking the bathroom door, how you could think anything in your head that it didn't make it real or even mean you liked whoever you were thinking of. I made a mess of it. Hikari was in her 'if I'm a perfect daughter, she'll come back' phase, which obviously couldn't happen and Mother would have still thought she was perfect and loved her whatever she did. Having an unexpected sex drive did not fit her plans, and my attempts to be reassuring backfired."

She stroked the side of his face with the back of her fingers. She needed to get through this, even if it meant she didn't get more than kissed today.

"You know what she unleashed on Asuka once she stopped trying to suppress it, and I know some of that was fear of losing her in the next fight, but that applied to you too and if she'd decided to do more than think of you at night, which I do a lot now and I could see why she probably did, she wouldn't have come to tell me to do it back then. If she decided it was something that should be done, you know what she's like, you're both so proper sometimes, and in love with Asuka, and she's very monogamous, so it seemed unlikely, but she was very clear about you and how you'd treat me and it is possible, and I could cope with it if it had been Asuka or if it's still Rei, it's not as if I'm innocent, but it would take a lot more if it were Hikari, she's younger, shorter and cuter than I am, and you care about each other, and even my bust isn't much bigger than hers but you said you like smaller anyway, and"

She stopped talking, mostly because it was hard to talk with someone's fingers tight in the hair at the base of your skull holding you in place while they kissed you very forcefully. Which she definitely wanted, and wanted more of when they weren't in danger of emptying the bath onto the floor.

Before she ran out of breath, he pulled away slightly and rested his forehead against hers.

Thoughts and need and the need not to be thinking vied with gathering the mental capacity to formulate a response that wouldn't make things worse. 

"I like that you are tall and beautiful, but I'd like you if you were Megumi's height with Chihiro's figure too. I like that you're probably older than I am, that you have different experiences. And if Hikari had tried anything before Asuka arrived, I wouldn't have noticed. If she'd been the one to find me after Rei died, even if she got through to me it would have been care and comfort, not at all romantic."

"And sitting in a cold bath is romantic?"

"Sharing a bath for so long the only thing keeping me warm is you? You being brave, telling me about your fears. You trusting me to still be here. That's far more romantic to me than unashamedly writing 'Hikari Soryu' all over your school notebook in kanji, hiragana and German."

Kodama smiles, then asks, her voice more wavering and uncertain than panicky now, "So you never thought of her like that?"

"I came home from the Nerv hospital after that Angel to find Hikari in the kitchen cooking with a huge smile on her face and all the windows open. Even I'm not dense enough to not notice why they'd raced home before me. Then Asuka came out of the bedroom, thankfully dressed this time, and I nearly died again of embarrassment and guilt because all I could think of was her and Asuka and be grateful that I still smelled slightly of LCL and couldn't smell either of them this time. So yes, I thought about her in the shower after she'd gone home and only Asuka was there to hate me for it."

Before Kodama can interrupt, he continues, "Now I get to listen to their morning orgasm and be grateful that they are alive, and that I get to think of you, and the worst memory that might spoil the mood is you trusting me to hold your hair out of the way, not you dying in front of me. So no, I don't think of her like that. 

Now do you want the embarrassing story of going to school the next day and having to listen to Kensuke tell a still clueless Toji that he'd missed out after Hikari spent five minutes kissing Asuka at the school gate? Or can I warm you up and tell you what I actually think about you before bed?"

Kodama touches his chin and tilts his head up until she can kiss him softly, "I was still hoping you'd show me."

He kisses her back, "Your ceiling is definitely not high enough for some of it, and the bath is too cold."

She pulled away, shivering slightly at both the loss of his warmth and anticipation of what would hopefully be next.

---

"What kind of sex?" Kodama finally asked as he was drying her off, mostly successfully though if she had to stand there much longer with his breath on her skin she would be wet again, and if he kept torturing her like this she might actually push him down right here and sit on his face. She still hoped they'd get as far as the bed though, it would be more comfortable, and if she was going to get bruised knees it would be from getting over her nausea when she thought of kneeling with him holding her hair gently taut, not from cold bathroom floor tiles.

There were a lot of things they could do, some of which they'd talked about, more of which she'd imagined when he wasn't there. At least she knew with him that whatever they did there would be plenty of cuddling afterwards. Other things might not work out, but he would indulge her neediness.

"You never told me what the range is, other than this is outside it."

"You did say you didn't need that from me."

"That doesn't mean I don't want it, and there's enough of you we could get you inside me if we tried. But. Well. No form of contraception is perfect, I'm painfully aware of that, and if we're going to risk it, I want the full experience. As much of you as you can give me."

"Can I just touch you?"

"Where?"

"Wherever I decide?"

He knew she'd remember she was the one who told him to do that, almost exactly a year ago. Of course he'd been a lot more oblivious to what she'd wanted then, despite the fact that they'd been just as naked. As long as nothing got in the way, he'd get it right this time.

"Tease!"

He blew gently on her pubic hair, which was near his face as he ran the towel back up her thighs, the pressure not quite enough to pull her towards him.

"Oh. Oh. Dammit."

---

The bed is soft, so is Kodama as she lay beneath him, so is Shinji in the places he thinks matter to her, whatever she's said to the contrary.

Shinji kisses her again, not lightly this time, but full of want, need and desire. Then he rests his head on her shoulder and sighs.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I want to touch you, be with you, as gentle as you need, as hard and fast as you want, in the way you've asked for repeatedly and definitely deserve, but it's not safe for me to get within a hundred meters of Rei right now."

Kodama hugs him tightly, "So you don't want to talk but it sounds like we need to. Because I really don't need that from you, even if I'm certain I'd enjoy it, but I do need you to be with me if we're going to do anything more than cuddle. And I definitely want to at least have more kisses like that last one."

"I meant it earlier, when I said it was because you asked me. I know you've asked before, and I really did just come over to make dinner for you. I started feeling comfortable while I was cooking, because even though you've made it clear you want, you don't demand anything I can't give you, but you will let me give you what I can."

"And?" she nudges gently. 

"I saw Misato again, a few days after Kensuke's wedding. Both of which were not things I expected. Kensuke getting married? But she seemed good for him, they were both happy, really happy not just surface happy or newly in love. Apparently she was the one dragging him across the wilderness for the past year. So she got the full Kensuke experience and still loves him, so I think they'll be alright."

"Things didn't go so well with Misato then?" She pointed him back at what he'd started to avoid.

"I hadn't seen her since ... March? She wasn't at the wedding, but I think she did actually talk to him beforehand. Which is perhaps why she didn't run away from me this time, just sat there where I found her, looking miserable and at anything but me. I tried to help, she's done so much for me."

"I take it she didn't want help?"

"She can't accept it, she doesn't think she's worth helping. Then I yelled at her which definitely didn't help and she left."

"You yelled at her?!"

Shinji having a big enough disagreement with Rei he couldn't be near her was bad enough, but raising his voice at Katsuragi? The latter couldn't be the cause of the former, so something else was going on that was making him act strangely. Strangely for Shinji that is, and she was well aware of how wide a range his normal behavior covered.

He nods sadly, "The old Mistao would have laughed at me, but then she would have said she didn't need help, not that she didn't deserve it."

"I can see that making you upset, which explains the state of my apartment, it doesn't explain why you agreed to have sex with me."

"It's what I said."

"This is going to be good, isn't it?" she teased, partly to lighten the mood, partly because she knew him well enough by this point.

He sighed, "You're going to laugh at me if I tell you."

"Probably. What did you say?"

"You do not get to decide who loves you."

Kodama buried her face in his neck to smother her reaction.

He wrapped his hands in her hair, "Then when you came home and called out - and you mimicked that show of Asuka's perfectly by the way - it hit me that I was being foolish again."

"You were right," she mumbled against his skin, then continued for a moment, no longer using words just her lips on his throat, communicating things she couldn't say.

"So when you asked." He paused until she stopped distracting him, "You asked, and all the reasons why this won't work, the reasons you aren't available, the reasons I'm not, all the things that make this too complicated, too messy, too hard, so unfair to you, so likely to hurt you or both of us. All the things we've talked about. All the things that get in the way. All that and you still asked."

She wanted to raise her head and look at him, but then he might not finish and she really wanted him to finish and go back to what they were doing. To want to go back to what they were doing.

"Then you rested your head on my shoulder and the only thing in the way today was a layer of clothing, and um you know how often that's not been. So really just my fear and stubbornness. I can't share everything with you, but we can share this. We can't be everything the other needs, but we can be part of it."

She kisses the side of his neck softly, "You going all soppy on me?"

He cups the side of her face and lifts her head so he can see her.

"So when you asked," he paused and watched her eyes for a moment that dragged on longer than he meant it to, "When you asked it seemed right." He sighed, "But then I stopped kissing you for a moment to breathe and I started doubting myself. Was I agreeing just because you wanted? Had you been joking and I was pushing you into something you didn't really want? Was it because I was avoiding Rei? Was it something even more idiotic like not knowing what to do because I can't work? Even your ceiling is clean now. What if things didn't work out? What if I was wrong? What if things never line up again and this is the only time? What if I'm not good enough for you? What if I ruin our friendship? What if..."

"What if you stop talking and let me kiss you?"

He stopped. She shifted her weight around until she was able to almost line up their faces. She brushed her fingertips across his lips, then up along the side of his face, tracing the shape of his ear before finally pulling his head towards her until their noses were just touching and their lips were not quite. 

They stayed there for a long moment, sharing breath and anticipation.

Then his hand strokes her cheek and she closes the gap, lips touching softly at first, barely a hint of contact. Then a little firmer and she parted her lips slightly to breathe him in and taste him with the tip of her tongue. She could have stayed there forever, his hands on her face and in her hair, hers caressing his neck and ear. They lasted no more than five seconds.

---

They were panting softly, faces turned away from each other so they were breathing air that still had oxygen in it, her fingers were tracing the shape of his shoulder, his her side and the curve of her breast.

"I'm fine," she murmured.

"Very," he smiled.

She prodded his chest lightly, "I meant. I expected that if we actually did this I'd be panicking again. But you did that for me too."

She kissed him again, just a brush of the lips, "The only tightness in my stomach is anticipation."

"Of what?"

But he didn't let her answer, claiming her lips again the moment they parted. They pulled the other to them, fingers tight in hair, clawed grasping hands gentle on skin, touch and breath, her teeth on his throat, his head thrown back, his tongue tracing spirals around her nipple, her hands in his hair pulling him against her.

---

They were lying on the bed, he was running his fingers across her skin and through her pubic hair, she was shivering in a combination of anticipation and frustration and making a damp spot.

"Are you still sure about this?"

"You're asking that now?"

"I don't want to do anything you don't want or you'll regret. I don't want you to hate me later."

"I hate you now, you wretched tease."

He relaxed his hold on her and slid the hand that had been so deliciously close away and along her side.

"I didn't mean it!" she moaned in frustration. "Yes, I've thought about this carefully and a lot. Not just when I'm so aroused I would do anything for you. Yes, I'm sure. Yes, I want you. Please?"

Then she kissed him again, no gentle caress of lips, but hard, hungrily, passionately, driving her point home.

For a while she clung to him, fingers digging into the tense muscles of his back until he relaxed under her hands and the onslaught of kisses and nibbles. As the pressure of his leg between hers eased she grabbed his hand with the one that hadn't moved up to run through his hair and dragged it down to where it had been, where she needed.

He lay her gently down onto her back, moving just enough he could see her without losing contact, one arm still around her shoulders. She spread her legs to give him easier access. His fingers ran between her legs and along her lips tentatively. Despite all the previous times he'd seen her naked, she felt very exposed, very seen and it was both uncomfortable and arousing. As if she needed to be any more than she already was. Still he teased her with feather light touches.

"You don't have to be so."

He slipped the finger that had been tormenting her inside.

"Gentle," she gasped.

---

She lay on top of him, kissing him softly whenever her panting gave her enough breath to do so. He'd touched her with focus and intent. He'd been gentle, and forceful, had teased and explored, herself and her reactions. She'd clung and whimpered, gasped and moaned, arched and writhed. She wasn't sure if it had been minutes or hours, only that she'd enjoyed every moment. From the smile on his face whenever she pulled back far enough to see it, he had enjoyed her too.

"I might need to practice a few times," he'd said. 

"He's good with his hands," Rei had told her. 

Eventually she'd have the energy to be exasperated with them both.

He'd been worried she'd regret doing this. She'd be unhappy if it never happened again but she definitely didn't regret ... she came again as she shifted her weight to kiss him once more and brushed against him, a slow spread of sensation that tried to relax her more than she already was, not the kind she'd screamed into the pillow beside his head or at the ceiling with her head thrown back and his hands ... alright she regretted that she was now so sensitive she'd have to wait until she could ask him to do it again.

 

Friday, October 18th - Late Afternoon

Shinji sat quietly in the dark, not staring out of the window, not really noticing it had become dark some time in the hours since he'd sat down alone.

It was perhaps because he was alone, a rare occurrence these days, that he remembered what day it was. Which had everything and nothing to do with Rei and nothing and everything to do with Kodama but mostly had to do with his mother.

Today was the day he'd felt most alone in the world.

Today was when he'd learned that not only had his mother been ripped from him, almost all records of her destroyed as if she'd never existed, that she wasn't even in the one place he could find some slight comfort in her being.

It was, of course, before he'd learned what really happened to her, what she'd done, what she'd made him see when he was too young to understand, what she'd done since. Before he'd learned what his father had done with her remains, what little there had been left behind.

Before he'd come to hate her more than he loved her.

To love what remained of her legacy more than he hated it.

He was, of course, guilty of stopping thousands of women being mothers even if he didn't know how or why it had happened. Mothers without children. Children without mothers. He had done what he could. It would never be enough. It could never be enough. He had talked to some of the women who were not mothers, not many and Kodama was the only one who'd talked to him, not at him.

The children, they talked to him, about anything. Sometimes all he could do was listen. Sometimes that seemed to be enough. For them.

He had mostly Hikari to thank for that, certainly his own upbringing hadn't helped, not just how she partly raised Nozomi but memories of things he knew never happened but taught him things anyway. Periods of rebuilding his mind and sense of self before once again becoming one with Rei far more literally than most people meant that.

He wondered, again, if his attraction to and affection for Kodama was because of Hikari. Not the real one, who was as likely to drive them apart as together, but the one he remembered bearing his child. Hikari was shorter, of course, and her hair was somewhat lighter than Kodama's almost black, but with her belly swollen, her hair tied back and her breasts full to the point they no longer fit completely in his hand...

The image was disturbingly close to Kodama after they'd gone back to bed after supper, her stomach full of an extra helping of stew, her breasts tender but not from nursing. At least until she had moved. Kodama moved more like Asuka, lithe, attentive and slightly predatory. Hikari had mastered the 'I am your impending doom' walk even before the end of the world. She could not stride across the room on the balls of her feet, stretching to that extra height, almost as graceful as Rei when she decided to dance for him. The way Kodama looked back at him had not been like any version of Hikari he remembered.

He had been trying not to think about Rei. It seemed wrong to do that here with the scent of Kodama still in the air, not yet faded behind the smell of the slowly cooking food to the point he wasn't aware of it. It could be his imagination of course, or his memory, that could produce vivid reminders of things a lot further in the past than this morning.

Even if they weren't fighting over something that would only ever matter to them, he couldn't be near her right now even if he wanted to. Their reconciliations were as full of love and other emotions as their arguments and far more dangerous. There were far worse and far better things than waking up with a real or imaginary Lilith about to impale herself on him, he could say no to her even if she wore Rei's face, she was just an Angel.

At least if it were Kodama, all that might happen would be an unplanned, but not unwanted this time, pregnancy. At least he would want it, want it to be his, which was unreasonable, he couldn't be what she needed and definitely not what she deserved. Just because he managed to be better than her previous lovers, something she had been very clear about once she got her strength back and asked him to do it all again, didn't mean he was actually good for her. She deserved much better, even if he couldn't seem to convince her of that.

He could try again, but after yesterday it seemed even less likely to work. Not if she could casually mention him giving their daughter the same talk he'd given hundreds of others. A non-existent daughter, but one he could let himself imagine. In some future impossible world where he could be a good father, and if he was going to be that ridiculous, growing up alongside Rei's children in a much better world than then one he'd grown up in.

At least he knew how to give that particular talk. 

People tried to pick up relationships only one of them had had, had life experiences that didn't fit their age on returning, and the other statistic that came out of the research after his first trip with Kodama was how many women were pregnant within a month after returning, some of them old enough to have been grandparents if they'd managed to have children before, some of them young enough their parents were not happy about it even if they were.

Practicing some of the reorientation instructions with Rei had helped, but hadn't prepared him for giving a different version of the same talk to women his mother's age that he'd seen naked the previous day, even the teenagers were easier than that. At least they just giggled or looked awkward when he discussed the increased risks and where to get whatever contraceptives they needed, none of them asked for a practical demonstration.

He could have asked Kodama of course, she'd no doubt have told him about some of the more embarrassing questions he'd get, but he couldn't do that to her even now, it hadn't even occurred to him to ask then.

He couldn't love her the way he loved Rei, but in some ways it was easier. He didn't have to worry about resurrecting another extinct species, or passing out because they forgot that bodies needed to breathe. He didn't have to worry about ending the world, not that was likely to happen, the last time it had been safe to do much more than kiss, they'd only caused a mountain of flowers and a family of very startled foxes who might have already been there.

Anything more than that and he'd need a stronger connection to Lilith than he ever wanted Rei to have again, more energy than any one person should have, and his mother.

Everything came back to his mother. He wasn't as obsessive as his mother. 

She wanted to save the world or become a monument to its failure. She loved someone so obsessed with her he'd end the world to bring her back.

He had destroyed the world. He loved someone who had helped him do that. Then brought it back because she wanted another kiss.

He wasn't as obsessive as his mother.

 

Friday, October 18th - Early Evening

Kodama placed her bag beside the door and quietly tiptoed across the floor to the window.

She had, in theory, attended all her classes. She knew which subjects they had been because it was Friday. She had her schedule memorized. Her schedule had not included last night, which had all she'd been able to think about.

His body was there, but his mind was off somewhere so distant he hadn't noticed her. Unfortunately she recognised his posture and the look on his face, it was going to be a while before he came back to her and she'd have to be careful. Hikari's 'appropriate use of force' only applied if he was pinning her down to kiss her, not when he was not entirely there and mistaking her for someone or something else. Not that he'd hurt her, but he'd been considerate of her fears yesterday, today wasn't the day she was going to confirm any of his.

She retreated to the bedroom. He'd changed the bedding, but there were still signs of the reason he'd made her breakfast and not joined her in the shower as she'd wanted. She dropped her clothing in the empty wash basket and her bra in the small decorative bin that had replaced the Very Romantic Bucket after she'd proved she wasn't going to need that again.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, while she debated what, if anything, to put on, she wished their lives were simple enough he'd have greeted her with dinner and another of those lingering kisses. Except if they were she'd not have him at all, and he was definitely one of the best things to ever happen to her. That he was very good with his hands was an extremely pleasant bonus though.

Until she knew what was going on with him today, she'd have to be more careful than she wanted to be. Something comfortable then, it might be a while, easy to take off if skin contact was the solution, but concealing enough it didn't look like she was wanting something he wasn't able to give. She'd have to save her 'make him undress her slowly' outfit for some other day.

---

Shinji looked up, he wasn't sure how long she'd been there. A while it seemed. She had changed out of what she'd put on in front of him that morning and was watching him quietly.

"What were you obsessing about this time?"

He blinked to focus his eyes so he could see her clearly, he'd literally been thinking about his mother's obsessions.

"Mothers, mostly mine."

She nodded, it might be because she'd mentioned hers, or why he was taking a probably forced break from the rescue, recovery and reintegration team, or something else entirely that he hadn't mentioned yesterday. He'd still been awake when she fell asleep and he'd gotten up to make breakfast, so it was also possible something more was troubling him. He'd certainly done a good job of distracting them both from their usual conversations in bed until she had been too exhausted and relaxed to do anything other than fall asleep in his arms.

"Did you want me to listen, keep you company or leave you be?"

"Dinner's ready. I didn't know when you'd be home, so it might need warming. Sorry. I meant. Sorry."

He was visibly drooping and she wondered if he'd eaten anything since breakfast, but that wasn't what was most important right now.

'You're still here."

"Huh?"

"That's all you promised, that you'd be here when I got home so I'd know you weren't using me and throwing me away. That's all I needed. I can put the candles away and we can have the more romantic than a cold bath dinner some other time. I don't know if you'd already planned that or went out to get them, but either way you were thinking of me."

She reached out and took his hand in hers, "So I can feed you, take you to bed or take you home, whatever you need from me. Though if I take you home before I take you to bed, we're going to have to deal with Hikari in the morning. I'd do that if that's what you want."

He shook his head, "No, I'd rather stay here if you'll have me, and not just because I'm not up to dealing with Hikari gloating."

"Of course I'll have you," she paused realizing that could be taken exactly how she was thinking it once she'd said it, "For dinner." That didn't help. "I mean you can stay here as long as you like, I'll even wear those warm but unattractive pajamas that Hikari got me for last winter though we'd still have to share the bed." 

"Kodama?"

"Yes?"

"Can we eat first?"

She slowly let go of his hand and stood. He'd called a cold bath romantic because of how it got that way. He'd planned a candlelit dinner, then sunk into one of his darker moods. But he'd still been there when she got home. A strange notion of romance, but it was definitely working on her. He never said he loved her, but how many times had he said trust yesterday? She trusted that he cared even if he never said it in words. She trusted him with her heart as well as her body. Something she thought she'd never do again.

He didn't get to decide who loved him either.

 

Saturday 19th October - Late Morning

Kodama bounced her heels off the bed a few times and stretched out like a contented cat.

Even though she could only do so because the bed was otherwise empty and he was not there to admire her.

Even though the rest of her weekend would be spent alone with nothing but a pile of books and notes from her least obnoxious classmate. The one with the large boyfriend, who apparently everyone except her found attractive. Well, possibly also the classmate because the boyfriend was definitely gay and the classmate had quietly asked her if it was a girlfriend she'd gotten recently that put a smile on her face. The girl would call her a deviant and a slut if she found out she liked both of course, but that was at least better than their other classmates and not enough to diminish her smile.

Even though the cause of her smile had gone home, and that home wasn't hers.

Even though the closest she'd gotten to tasting him was a small drop of Cowper's fluid that was theoretically enough to get her pregnant but in practice had been barely enough to make the pad of her thumb damp.

Even though she had run into the grumpy old woman next door who complained about everything, the woman had said nothing, just given her a small knowing smile.

Even though she still hadn't had his tongue buried deep in her, she was going to be getting off to the memories of him touching her for months.

Even if she had to have cool showers for the rest of the month after using up more than her share of the hot water tanks, she was probably going to need them. If she got desperate enough, she could borrow her sister's and try not to do anything that would tell Hikari what she'd done to be on short rations, or ask him to join her again. Because that was a wonderful and terrible idea.

Even though it might be months before they did this again, she refused to believe it would be never, but if it was it was still worth it.

Even though she'd come home to find him sitting in a dark room and darker thoughts, he'd been there as he'd promised and the effort of bringing him back had been both rewarding and very well rewarded.

Even though she would once again have to eat whatever the cheapest mix of rices that was available - no one got plain rice anymore even if he had managed to get potatoes from halfway across the country - and eek out the food he made for the next week, there was plenty in the fridge and he always left her with tasty things to eat.

Even though she had been left and was already a little bit lonely, she didn't feel abandoned. Not with the way he'd kissed her goodbye, he'd definitely done that properly.

 

Saturday 19th October - Late Afternoon

Rei met him by the open door.

"Did you kiss her properly?"

Shinji paused, that wasn't how he expected to be greeted. In fact he hadn't expected to be greeted at all. He'd taken the long way home to give himself time to think. Not that thinking had helped the day before, but the same problems were still weighing on him even after Kodama's attempts to lighten his mood.

Admittedly that had worked for a while, she had been very persuasive, and accepting, even when he'd spent half an hour doing little more than running his fingers across her bare back as he sat next to her on the bed trying to put words around what he was thinking.

He blushes under Rei's steady unreadable gaze.

"She said to tell you that I did if you asked."

"Good. Do you require assistance masturbating?"

"Rei!"

"I am."

He looked over her shoulder down the corridor, hoping no one had heard Rei's offer, rather than thinking about the fact that she'd made it. She must be doing better if she was asking. Or perhaps worse, but she was Rei, things couldn't be that bad.

"Hikari has been celebrating the anniversary of her seduction of Asuka by repeating the experience. They have eaten lunch. I do not expect to see them for some time. Additional noise or odors are unlikely to be noticed."

"Is that why the doors are open despite the cold?" Shinji went for the practical question rather than think about any of the past few days. The cool autumn air hadn't cleared his thoughts, but hopefully it had cleared out any scent of his housemates' activities, one thing he didn't need right now was his mind comparing the scent of both Horakis. Normally he would not mind too much, but yesterday afternoon's downward spiral and Kodama's concerns were fresh in his mind and an olfactory trigger would not help.

"Yes." Rei paused. "I am not cold. I would be warmer if you held me."

"Is that a good idea?"

"You may hold me or kiss me. I would prefer the former. Megumi cut my hair. May I join you in the shower?"

Shinji shook his head reluctantly. Unlike Kodama's shower, the one in the bathroom he shared with Rei was large enough for two people to wash themselves, not just the parts of the other they could reach around one another. Which meant that it was also large enough for other activities, a number of which his imagination was supplying in vivid detail. He did not look away from the main feature of his imaginings.

"I understand. Come to me when you are done. I will remain clothed while you tell me about your week as long as you hold my hand. I do not wish to be clothed while I tell you about mine."

He nodded. He wasn't the only one with an instinct to claim the other in ways that were utterly redundant and unnecessary. They would manage, they always did. Rei would be more concerned with how he had been yesterday than the details of his time with Kodama, though she'd want to know about that too, except the stew of course. The former would be harder to talk about, even with Rei's hair as short as the day they met.

"Shinji?" she didn't raise her voice to interrupt his thoughts, she didn't have to. He would hear her through a howling gale, the almost imperceptible breeze did nothing but carry the faint sound of what hopefully was just a pillow hitting the other bedroom door. He turned back towards her. 

"I am not your mother."

He frowned, that was one thing he was very sure of, even if she probably carried more of his mother's genes than he did. Was she worrying about that as well? It was one thing he hadn't been thinking about.

"Of course not!"

"Neither are you."

 

Which is why, when Asuka woke them for dinner, they were wrapped around each other in Rei's bed, the location as much a statement that he was still hers, not that there was any question, as it was a place of much needed rest. The kind of rest that could only be found in each other after the things that could be said had been said and the things that could not communicated in looks, tightly held hands, light touches and things carefully not done.

 

 

 

Notes:

Foolish - "Fool of a Took an Ikari", fits better than "idiot" for a somewhat older but sometimes baka-Shinji.

Cowper's fluid - precum for those who haven't had their brains buried in a biology textbook (Kodama doesn't have wikipedia, but she does have an eclectic mix of classes that's not helped with her classmates thinking she's different).

"plain rice" - not unflavoured but single strain, all post 3rd Impact rice is a mix of different strains with different flavour and nutritional profiles. which strains did well for a particular harvest depends on the weather and wildlife.

Kodama didn't actually use anything in that box, but it did give her ideas, some of which she wished she never had.

Tag and rating update for gratuitous hand-holding and accidental terraforming (but you still don't get to find out what they actually did).

Thanks again to my beta reader for helping make this somewhat more coherent. All remaining issues are my fault and reworking this a dozen times hasn't fixed them. Feel free to point anything out.

Next we're back to the end of 2020, out of Kodama's apartment and back with the original protagonists to find out what Hikari and Asuka are doing while Shinji and Rei are cleaning Kodama's apartment.

Chapter 34: Rope and Other Forms of Attachment

Summary:

2020, December 30th

While Shinji is cleaning Kodama's apartment, Asuka is tied up in her own problems.

Asuka lay outstretched on the bed, naked, exposed, tied down firmly enough she couldn't move and wishing her wife was doing something to her that didn't involve medical tape.

It wasn't the pain, the humiliation, or the ache in her wrists, and there were a lot worse things than the thought of one of her roommates opening the door and seeing her exposed pussy, battered body and splotched face. Like the previous hour.

She had woken them both early with a thud by falling face first on the floor beside the bed, the soft but well attached rope around her ankle stopping her going any further. The blanket Hikari had placed there the night before saved her from even more damage.

She had sat on the floor for at least an hour. Initially berating her subconscious that craved comfort in someone who wasn't her wife. Then sobbing out the grief and fear she hadn't let herself feel, back when she had convinced herself that she didn't love him, couldn't love him, she had a girlfriend and he was the Invincible Idiot and he'd be back soon, he always was. Like she had so often done, she had buried it in anger and blaming others. She had even yelled in Rei's face as she stood there motionless for hours, staring at the Eva, sometimes in her school uniform, sometimes in her plugsuit, as still as if she'd really been the Doll she'd accused her of being so often.

Except as she sat there, shaking and weeping, Hikari stroking the top of her head in a way that almost any other time would have been soothing, her memory supplied other details.

It hadn't been the heat and humidity of the Eva cages, it had been the same grief, loss, fear and tears she was experiencing now. Neither of them had known how to deal with it then. They weren't exactly good at it now either.

She had known he loved her of course, it was as appropriate as it was a surprise. She was the Great Asuka, of course people should love her. The Great Numbskull. She hadn't understood love then and she wasn't sure she did now. But something else niggled at her brain. "Ich liebe dich, shitteru to omottetanoni." She'd yelled at him for not thinking in German when they first met, then he'd learned enough to tell her he loved her. His accent was still terrible but ever more frequently when talking about her he used German. It wasn't him being considerate, her spoken Japanese was fine, even with Toji's accent when she'd run him out of breath, and she didn't have to look up obscure kanji any more often than he did. Besides it was when he was talking about her, not to her.

What had she done to him that she could be warm, comfortable and completely naked in his arms and he didn't react to her at all? He reacted to Hikari and, despite her insecurities and fear, they were closer to siblings than some people still thought he and Rei were. Closer sometimes than her wife and her older sister. They had weird conversations about cultural things that didn't make sense, but they never looked nervous around each other the way Hikari had when she'd left her on the steps outside Kodama's apartment building.

How was he so good at loving people even after everything? She struggled to do it right with her own wife, had failed him and, in her new found clarity, hadn't even tried properly with Rei. She'd never understand how he felt about Rei, what they'd been through together, but she hadn't really tried. He'd loved her, still loved her, so unconditionally that he'd go through all that hell again just to bring Hikari back to her. What had she ever done to deserve that? It certainly wasn't lust - she was no stranger to how strong that could be - but it wasn't what was between them. Alright it wasn't the only thing between them, or a significant one, or one either of them were inclined to act on.

She hadn't even heard him moaning her name since, since the angel after he came back and if there was one good thing about the recent disastrous few weeks it was that he seemed to have been too distracted by the mess she'd made to think about the Angel of Mindfuckery that Rei had stabbed to death so hard there was a new crater on the moon a few hours later. And they'd gotten past the date of Rei 'it's not a flesh wound if it's a nuclear bomb' 's apparently second death with nothing worse than a brief scare that Shinji wasn't in his room and finding them squeezed into Rei's bed, fully clothed under a mountain of blankets.

Shinji who somehow loved her despite how badly she'd failed him, had washed her gently and carefully so she was perfect for her wedding, soothed her so she actually got married, to someone who wasn't him, and still showed no more indication he was interested in her beyond watching her arse when he thought she wasn't paying attention. No, if there was any éros left between them it was buried in a past none of them could return to even if they wanted to.

Unlike herself and Hikari, who had started out that way, or Shinji and Kodama who had definitely been doing each other given the way he dodged the question and got defensive. Had been so defensive of how much he loved his no-way-he-was-going-to-get-away-with-not-dating-her-now girlfriend that he'd managed to hide it even from Hikari. Big blindspot Hikari had said - at least she'd known they were having dinner every couple of months, sometimes more often, occasionally she'd even gone out for her morning run, leaving Hikari snuggled into the warm spot she left behind to find him already out walking, lost in thought until she made him follow her. How many of those had he been coming home not leaving to clear his head before breakfast?

Rei, herself, Kodama; Hikari, Nozomi, Sakura, Toji, Chihiro; Misato, Misato he'd persuaded to come to their wedding but he almost sounded like he did when talking about Nozomi when he mentioned her. Megumi, Rei's hopefully jokes about babies aside, he definitely didn't talk about her the way he had about Kodama. Then there were the members of the horde who showed up long after he'd found them loving homes that he'd sit and listen to for hours and she didn't even know most of their names.

If they made it to next year, she was going to make them do Chrismas. Not that she cared about the holiday itself, she hadn't had faith in anyone but herself, her Eva and her mother since the last two became the same thing. Now Mother was completely gone, her faith in herself was in pieces, and what was left of God lived down the hall. If they could make it that far. If she could make it that far. If they could put their battered family back together she was going all out, presents, decorations, as much traditional German food as they could manage.

Even if she never fucked up again quite so badly, she didn't deserve that much happiness, not when she couldn't look at him without remembering the touch of his lips or the taste of his blood in her mouth and she wasn't sure which was worse. How could she face her wife when she needed to be literally tied down, not just with promises and paper? Where was her strength? Her determination?

The litany of her failures circled her mind, entangled in emotions she was finally letting herself feel, not that she had any control over them, over anything.

She felt small and useless. But Hikari was still stroking her hair and the affection was slowly seeping into her broken brain. She apparently trusted him so deeply she did it in her sleep. There must be something in her to love if both of them did so much.

That had finally gotten her off the floor and into Hikari's arms. 

Briefly. 

Until her wife had seen the blood from her fingers smeared across her palms where she'd been unconsciously digging in her broken nails long enough to wear through their wrappings and into her hand, and the way the bandage on her side had pulled away from her taut skin.

Which is how she'd ended up with her other limbs tied to the very sturdy corners of the bed which better not have been deliberately designed for the purpose but were doing a good job anyway. She'd promised to be careful, she hadn't done very well at that either. 

She shivered and it wasn't just from the cool air on her bare skin. Hikari's fingers were warm as she finished securing the new gauze and trailed them across her skin. 

For a brief moment she imagined it was Shinji touching her, not this gentle touch, or the tight grip that had left a bruise on her side that she hadn't noticed, but firmly the way he'd been gripping her arse when she woke in his arms. Shinji filling her with love and himself, not her wife's exquisite tongue. Her mind noted that she really would do that if it was necessary to keep him in the world. Even if there were babies involved. She hoped it would never be the case. She'd 

Gasp apparently.

"Hikari?"

"Don't move."

"I can't."

"Good."

"But if you kiss any lower I might undo your hard work. And I'd definitely be loud enough I'd wake Shinji as well as Rei."

Hikari nuzzles her pubic hair and kisses her stomach.

"Asuka dearest, it's after eleven, they both left hours ago."

"Are they alright?"

"Shinji got a phone call and snuck out. Rei smiled after him so it can't have been something bad. She left an hour later to see the Tanakas about something and run an errand. They won't be back until later."

"She saw me?" maybe it was that bad after all.

"Do you not even remember me getting you breakfast?"

"What did you make me?"

Hikari sat up, running her fingers along Asuka's thigh. 

"Rei made you some fish and egg thing, which you ate all of, by the way."

"I'm sorry I'm so bad at loving you."

"Is that the fish talking? Because you haven't been. Sobbing, shaking, muttering in Germanese. Hurting yourself again. Then getting aroused just because I touched you lightly after I finished fixing you up. What's going on this time?"

Asuka felt even more exposed and even less able to hide.

"Promise you won't say anything to them?"

"To who?"

"Shinji. Your sister. He definitely wants her. She definitely wants him if he actually noticed her trying. I was thinking maybe it would be less awkward if I helped rather than Rei, but I don't know how close I would need to be. Then you were touching me and I was thinking about how loud you can be, then I was wondering if I would hear them the way Shinji pretends not to hear us and if he can do that do I love him enough to do the same. But I'm doing so terribly at loving the people who love me I don't know if I could. Then I was being jealous that she could have him, but it would be really weird if you both had his babies, because if you wanted he'd be the only person I'd ever trust to treat you properly and you're better than your sister but not better for him, then I realised that I'd give anything to keep him alive or bring him back, even if that was you, but you're mine for as long as you'll have me and I so desperately want that to be the rest of our lives so how could I even think that but he's so much better at loving people and"

Asuka's thoughts stopped coming out of her mouth as she finally ran out of breath.

"I know you love me."

Asuka stared at the familiar ceiling. Being tied down stopped her hurting herself by flinging herself at her wife. It also gave her an excuse not to look and see her expression or if she was getting up to leave. It was also forcing her to be vulnerable which meant they were probably going to have to do this again. She would definitely have to find a different way to talk to Shinji though, they'd already had this week's epic disaster.

"I know you love him too. I wouldn't be afraid of losing you if it wasn't so obvious to everyone but you. But you are mine and I'm not giving you up. "

"It's not the same," Asuka attempted a protest.

"I know that too. You had so many choices taken from you but when you had a choice you chose me."

"I did. I do. I will."

"You can't take your ring off until your hands heal, so I get to keep you a while longer."

"Now who's the idiot? Do I need to say all our vows again?"

"Later. There's other things you can do for me first."

"If you want me to kiss you, you'll have to come up here."

Hikari trailed her fingers up the unprotected side of Asuka's body and cupped her breast gently, "That wasn't what I had in mind."

---

Chihiro sat on the porch with Megumi's head in her lap smiling.

Megumi looked up at her as her fingers brushed her fringe out of the way, "It can't be that bad then, but you'll have to wait until after dinner, I'm comfortable and I have a sunbeam."

"Should we tell Ayanami when she comes back?"

"You don't want to tell them yourself?"

"If it were Shinji causing Ayanami to be that loud, I'd never let him hear the end of it, even if we would because he'd fix the insulation."

"They're never going to tell you, you know."

"Where would be the fun in that?"

"You'd just find something else to tease him about, like marrying our local fertility goddess and you know what she actually is."

"Could they even have children?"

"Don't you go asking them that. If they can't, you know he'd adopt more, or his other girlfriend would have them."

"Other girlfriend?"

"Slowpoke. You'll find out tomorrow. I'm not going to spoil the surprise if you haven't worked it out."

"Ibuki then."

"What makes you think that?"

"She got through four breakfasts while having her bisexual awakening. She definitely has the hots for him and I've seen that shirt she was wearing drying on the line. She's definitely his type, even with that short hair."

"He likes Rei's when it's short."

"Yeah, but he almost drools when it's down past her ass like it is now and he definitely watches Asuka's when she isn't looking. He only doesn't stare at yours because you're mine."

"He's definitely hurt though, hers was braided amateurly and it hadn't been brushed out properly."

"You do your own."

"She wants him to."

"Hrmm. You warm enough love?"

"For a few more minutes."

 

---

"Asuka darling?"

Hikari paused between kissing and licking away the residue of the last half hour. The sensible thing would have been to get up and get a wash cloth, and probably lunch, but she didn't want to go that far. Besides Asuka tasted of the both of them now after she'd cupped her face while kissing her.

"Wife?"

Hikari smiles, "That hasn't changed."

"You're thinking."

"And thinking isn't the same as doing. However disturbing, frightening, interesting or arousing the thoughts."

Asuka lifts her head far enough to kiss Hikari on the nose, "Something you want to share?"

Hikari ran her fingers carefully across Asuka's skin as she talked, avoiding the bruises which were fading from purple to a green that managed to be unattractive even on Asuka.

"The curtain was open a fraction earlier, and the Tanakas were out wrapped up in each other, sitting in the sun, and being adorable as always. They couldn't see us of course, it's bright out there, but it made me think of our other neighbours and how Mikami looked when she was working on your pond." 

She stroked slowly along the inside of her wife's outstretched arm, watching her pull slightly against her bindings.

"All sweaty and muscley and hot with her clothing clinging to her even closer than yours when you get back from taunting Toji into chasing you up a mountain."

She brought her hand back, curving her fingers so her nails left a faint mark, not enough to break the skin, just enough to remind Asuka that these were the muscles she was interested in.

"And those are two very separate thoughts that make me hot, but I'd never do anything around the Kumadas except watch them kissing when they take a break, and I absolutely do not want Toji anywhere near our bed."

She bent to lick a little wet smear of one of them that she'd missed from the edge of Asuka's mouth, which turned into a much longer and far deeper kiss as Asuka tried to catch it with her tongue at the same time. Asuka's head came with hers as she pulled away, until she reached the extent of her outstretched and still bound arms.

"So I won't hold your thoughts against you, or myself against the rest of you until you've finished healing."

Asuka nods carefully, "If you aren't going to untie me, are you going to stop teasing me with your lips and come back up here?"

Hikari smiles and this time not even Asuka hears her whimpers, gasps and moans as her thighs clenched over her wife's ears.

Notes:

Any inconsistencies in this chapter are almost certainly Asuka's fault not mine.

Chapter 35: Shrines and Other Forms of Worship

Summary:

2021, January 1st

"Hello Ikari-kun, how are you?"

Kodama was being polite and overly formal, but this was a public occasion and a much as she wanted to, hugging him tightly and kissing him until he succumbed to her wiles would cause far more problems than it would be worth, even if it worked. The succumbing part, she had no doubts about the kissing. Besides she should give Maya the next chance, because they'd be adorable together, but her friend had refused to come. Which might have been a wise decision. Dealing with Shinji and Rei would be difficult enough, even without considering the unexpected situation the last time Maya had seen them, adding all the Horakis on top was going to try even her own patience and she was fond of them all.

Especially as she'd already passed her youngest sister interrogating Toji's latest girlfriend on the way up and she could see Hikari dragging Asuka towards them with a firm grip on her forearm. Asuka looked slightly pained and she wondered what her sister had done this time, other than dragged them out in the cold. Of course she had herself to blame for being cold, she'd dressed up rather than warm, even if she had cheated and worn an extra insulating layer under her kimono.

"I'm fine," he lied. "How was your trip?"

"Fine my cute arse," interrupted Hikari irreverently. "Hi sis, as I don't see Rei, I'm supposed to tell you no hugging until you see what these idiots did to each other. You can hug me or Rei though, if she shows up."

Shinji laughs softly, "She's been here since before you got out of bed. She'll call if she needs to be rescued."

"Rescued? You don't seem concerned."

"Everyone's polite, but. Well, you'll see." 

He hadn't himself, of course, Rei wanted it to be a surprise, but he knew what to expect and he'd seen the flash of blue hair amid the crowds and even without her defensive circle of maids no one would be brave or stupid enough to actually try to touch her. He wouldn't reach her before the wrath of an army of angry lesbians descended on whomever dared upset her.

"Hikari, where's Dad? I saw Zoomi on the way up bothering the Suzaharas but I didn't see him yet."

"Don't let her hear you calling her that, she's all grown up now, and do you really want to see Dad? He brought a date and I'm almost certain he's going to try to set you up with her daughter. I'm not sure why he thinks you'd rather have a wife than a husband."

Kodama glances at Shinji and tries to school her expression before her sister can see it.

"If you need to escape, just flirt obnoxiously with Shinji. I'm sure you two can think of something. Just no touching!"

Kodama looks at Shinji, who looks perfectly calm, but his fingers are twitching towards hers as if he needs to hold on to someone, or perhaps to her specifically. It's been too long, far longer than her short trip, Maya was right that she'd missed him, but whatever had happened had Hikari going from 'will you two just fuck already?' to telling them not to touch each other, but possibly just not before the wedding she seemed to be planning for them. She liked Maya, maybe she should take her back out of the damage radius rather than the gentle push at Shinji she'd been planning. At least after she found out what was going on.

She looks over at Asuka, who just shakes her head, "She's annoyed at him more than you, and he actually deserves it."

There's a note of sympathy and understanding in her tone that confirms she knows more about her relationship with Shinji than just its existence, though what exactly she's not going to ask until she has him to herself for a while. Which seems unlikely to be today as the chances of getting any privacy seem slim and even if she could take him home that wouldn't be private either, even if the reason why was rather enjoyable.

Nozomi comes bounding up, then realizes she's supposed to being outgrowing her childish nickname and slows to an attempt at an elegant walk, "Did you see the Shrine Maidens?"

"No, don't look," Shinji loops his good arm through Kodama's and grasps her forearm carefully but firmly to stop her turning, and notices Asuka doing the same with Hikari except with an odd grip because her fingers are carefully wrapped to protect them under her gloves - mostly from the gloves themselves but she wasn't allowed to shove cold hands under his shirt anymore so Hikari had made her wear them.

"Why not?"

"We're standing in this spot for a reason. Wait until you hear the bell."

There's still plenty of noise and chatter as people move past them for the next long drawn out minutes before the bell sounds.

Shinji and Asuka turn the Horakis as if choreographed.

"Oh. My. God."

"Mine actually," responds Shinji with a combination of love and awe, being too distracted to notice who said that or even what language it was said in. He knew exactly what to expect, but this is the first time he's seen everything together, and she's breathtaking.

Rei is Rei.

Rei is also, very temporarily, the lead Shrine Maiden.

It looks like she's walking on air, dressed in all white, a top that hugs her form, a long skirt that would brush the ground if she didn't appear to be floating above it, her hair shimmering blue as the sunlight shines on it as it cascades all the way down her back. Beside her, in a contrast that highlights their own beauty as well as Rei's are two women in almost identical clothing with blue accents replacing the more traditional red skirts, their deep black hair seeming to absorb the light as it reflects off Rei.

Behind those, there's women wearing the same but with the traditional red as the accents. They are almost certainly some combination of beautiful and cute, but he couldn't even tell you how many there were.

There's a wave of silence that follows them up the remaining steps. His isn't the only breath she's stolen.

 

---

"Earth to Shinji," prompted Kodama with a smile in her voice.

"Huh? Oh. Sorry." 

The apology is real, but he doesn't look back at her, his eyes are still locked on the way Rei's hair flows and the moments it combines with her movements to outline her shape as she climbs the remaining steps. And of course the flicker of her eyes to meet his and the very slight smile that shifted to that smile as she did so was what had derailed his brain to start with.

"You only need to apologize if you ever look at me like that and the next words out of your mouth aren't 'Will you marry me?'"

"You better say yes, sis," mutters Hikari resentfully, quietly enough not to draw Nozomi's attention back to them, as Asuka tries to stifle laughter that would be inappropriate here.

Kodama leans in so she can whisper in Shinji's ear, "Of course you'd better not be talking for a while first."

Hikari, not hearing what was said, but seeing their expressions, grumbles, "Get a room you two. In about a month. That'll give you both plenty of time to tell me the rest of the things you have been keeping from me."

Before she can add anything else, Nozomi calls back, "Come on. You'll miss the dancing. And I need a good fortune for this year!"

Kodama smiles, takes her distracted not-a-boyfriend's hand and tugs him after her sisters.

---

Rei steps out of the almost transparent platforms that had come out of some dark corner of the Tanakas' closet and into the far more comfortable soft shoes that Amatsu had pulled out of the bag she'd left at the shrine the day before. She liked the effect they had, especially the effect they had had on Shinji when he saw her, but they would not be comfortable to dance in.

She had missed him combing out her hair this morning. Megumi had had to do it as she couldn't have him hurting himself again. She had not stopped him cleaning. She had also not pointed out his additional aches were his own fault. That was unnecessary. Hikari would provide a sufficient quantity of unsympathetic comments when she learned what he had done. Tending to him and receiving her kiss was more important.

With her hair this long it required two hands to do properly, and today it had to be done with care not just love. He was healing well despite his efforts to the contrary. She had very carefully inspected him while redoing his dressings after they returned home, but it would still take more time. She needed her cuddles. She needed more than that, some of which she was delegating to Kodama, or perhaps Maya, but she had not seen the latter.

Maya should have seen her too. It would help her to understand later. This was a lot to deal with. A lot of people. Staying away was perhaps the right choice. She did not yet know how welcome she would be.

Amatsu stood, the red traces in her tunic highlighting the shades of brown in her hair, "Ready to dance, Kami-san?"

Rei smiles, "Dance yes. Kami I am not."

"Pish! Half the people might be convinced you are just a Maiden now, but the other half is more convinced than ever that you're Inari incarnate. Did you see the hot boy and his girlfriend? He looked like he was about to fall at your feet in adoration. I'm surprised we didn't hear her yelling at him."

Rei laughs softly, "He already has and she would not do that. She is still worried I will stop her borrowing him."

"Wait a minute. He's your..."

"Yes. He is mine."

"Damn. You're willing to share that?"

"I am very selective."

"Oh. No. I wasn't asking! Just drooling a bit. You're very lucky."

"I am."

"He even brought you a kitsune girl."

Rei pauses. Asuka doesn't wear her neural connectors as hair adornments anymore. She does not have good memories of the last time she did. They were similar enough to let her construct a mental image. If she made animal ears for all of them perhaps Asuka would wear them. Hikari would look cute with black cat ears though it would take quite a lot of work to talk her into persuading Asuka to act as an attendant kitsune. Shinji would be harder to determine. Of course he would look cute in whatever she decided. But he was not devious enough to also be a kitsune and while he was domestic, she would never make the mistake of thinking of him as anything domesticated.

She was getting distracted again having thoughts it was best not to have today.

"We have a dance to perform."

Amatsu can take a hint and bows slightly in acknowledgement, "Yes, Kami-sama," then she leads them back out into the courtyard.

---

The dance over, Rei bows to her fellow maidens, "There is one more myth I can dispel today."

A few minutes later, Amatsu turns to Yonemura, who got to wear the blue, "I don't think it's working."

"Hrm?" the other maiden looks up from refastening her shoe.

"Ayanami's hugging someone."

"What? Where? She doesn't touch anyone."

Yonemura follows Amatsu's gaze, "Oh. The blessings of the goddess are certainly on him. Who's the beautiful tall girl?"

Amatsu laughs, "Too late, she's taken. She's the concubine."

"You've been reading too many historical romances again."

"No, look how she's looking at them. She's obviously in love with him, they were holding hands earlier, and she doesn't seem to mind. Oh my!"

A wave of silence rippled out from where Rei stood on her toes with her lips just barely touching Shinji's.

"If that weren't so adorably cute, it would be obscene."

"Not to mention cutting into the budget, because who needs a fortune with an omen like that!" grumbled Kominato.

"As if we need to sell anything this year."

"What do you mean by that, oh mistress of the accounts?"

Amatsu grins and twirls, the fabric of her skirt brushing her legs in ways she really could blame Ayanami for, "I mean we're getting a tithe, enough to fix everything after the horde of people has gone and make your position permanent if you want it. We can even pay Kirishima in more than just vast quantities of food."

"You're serious?"

"You know how many couples there are here? How many women with three month old infants? Not just people my age, but people my parents' age who'd given up?"

"Please tell me it involves somewhere else for them to have sex. I just had to banish two more couples from the grounds," Nishino interrupted.

"Hypocrite," teased Yura as she combed out her mussed hair.

"It's better than them nearly drowning, which is why they are building a new place down where the old harbour is above sea level again."

"Eww. It's still red and stinky, how could anyone..."

"Ninety percent conception rate, at least for those who didn't get their second trip to R3, or skip the whole painful pregnancy thing and adopt from the Ikari Center."

"Did you just say Ikari?" Kirishima raised her head from where she was making another batch of fortunes, rumours to the contrary they were running out already, there were even more people than predicted. Including herself, who'd never intended to be back here but there was a lot to be said for a job that came with a place to stay and enough food there was leftovers. At least the only person she'd met that she knew was Ayanami, and she was easy to see coming and didn't seem to remember her the times avoiding her had failed.

"Oh, it's got an official name, something boring like the New Hokone Adoption Agency, and he doesn't actually run the place, but everyone knows that's what it is."

"I didn't."

"You know the Consort?"

"From before, if it's him. Cute, angsty, and wouldn't notice you hitting on him if you sat naked in his lap."

"Well he has a Kami and a human girl now so someone was obvious enough he noticed past his obsession with helping every child he sees."

Kirishima shakes her head, "That doesn't sound like him then, it must be a coincidence."

"Amatsu, where did you place my bag? I do not see it. Kirishima, only your last statement was incorrect."

The group falls silent as Amastu retrieves Ayanami's belongings.

"He did not notice. Your nudity would not have helped. Unless you were also interested in Nitori. She would have accepted the invitation." 

With that, Rei accepted her bag from Amatsu and left, leaving a stunned circle of Shrine Maidens speculating exactly what had happened.

 

 

Notes:

I originally intended to have a section of them getting fortunes, but it didn't come together. Instead you got more Rei being Rei.

Chapter 36: Wounds and Other Signs of Damage

Summary:

2021, January 1st

The members of the household retreat home for a late lunch with Kodama in tow.

"Then Asuka sees Hikari silhouetted against the sky and thinks she's Toji."

"Bardiel," corrects Rei as she carefully unfastened the shirt he'd worn under his kimono, preparing to add another layer to the neatly folded pile of clothing.

The two Horakis look at each other and both shake their heads.

"Monkey-boy's one and only outing as a Pilot. His Eva got infected. Baka-Shinji here was having a panic attack about hurting a pilot, not knowing it was the Stooge, I'm working out how to disable an Angel without killing it's hostage - because killing your girlfriend's crush is a bad idea - and Commander Arsehole is ordering us to spread out so it can take us out one at a time rather than having us coordinate. I'd never missed Misato's insane plans more.

"Rei's just dropped her rifle, the long range shot not having worked, Shinji's about to get stomped on, and I'm arguing with Dickhead Dad about tactics I've been studying for a decade. Then Rei, showing some initiative for the first time in her life, goes:

'I am not about to let a butt licking frog fucker tell me what to do.'

and Shinji, who's just been thrown into a hill, croaks out 'I'd rather have anal sex with a trout' in the worst German accent I have ever heard.

"Which, once I stopped laughing, helped me ignore the stupid orders and coordinate an attack that actually worked. End result: One dead angel, one almost completely destroyed Eva, two heavily damaged ones, three broken legs - one of which was mine, but that was a crack not shattered in half a dozen places, and a week in the Brig for Shinji. But at least Jock Stooge was alive, though he might have regretted that when they put him in the bed next to his sister."

Rei carefully slides Shinji's inner shirt off his shoulder, exposing the wrapping and extensive bruises.

"How was I supposed to know my father knew German? I'd no idea what Rei said, I thought it must be one of your weird insults that she was repeating back at you, so I responded with another one. If I'd known what you said when I asked you to help with the chores, I would never have dared repeat it."

"What happened to Rei," Hikari asked bravely.

"I was deprived of food and physical contact for an extended period of time."

Asuka snorts, "She means she had to eat at home and not get hugged by Shinji while he was in the brig."

"I did not receive any kisses either," observes Rei sadly.

---

Kodama gasps as Rei peels off the sterile pad from Shinji's shoulder.

"And that's why that isn't my fault," announces Asuka, sounding almost like her old self even if the false bravado isn't quite as convincing as it used to be.

Hikari looks at her, but Asuka shakes her head. If Shinji wants to tell Kodama the rest of the story, he can, just not anywhere she might hear it. Her nightmares have been bad enough and she hasn't gotten any physical reassurance from him in the last week either. Not that it would be a good idea. In fact, it would be such a terrible idea she'd had Hikari tie her ankle to the bedframe so she'd wake up if she started to sleepwalk. She hadn't slept at all the first night and had woken up on the floor yesterday, so at least that had worked.

"It looks a lot worse than it is," attempted Shinji.

Asuka sighed, "Kodama, stop pretending and check out your boyfriend. I'm sure Rei can give you a precise tally of his injuries."

"He's not my boyfriend," Kodama protested.

"I will inform him otherwise."

Hikari laughs, "Just give up sis, Rei's already made him agree that they were dating before the end of the world, after admitting they were having hot makeout sessions while you were at work."

"Rei?" pleaded Shinji.

"Your skin temperature was elevated after kissing me."

Shinji sighs, he hurts far too much to attempt to win an argument with Rei.

 

---

Kodama looks between Shinji, Rei and Hikari, uncertain what to say or do.

Rei looks at her. 

"Fifteen dates. Twenty-seven times he has been in your apartment. Eighteen times you have shared a meal and a bed. Five times you have engaged in at least one form of sexual activity. I do not count the time he informed us of as such. You should stop pretending you are borrowing him. He is more to you than that which holds your heart together. Even he has noticed that you love him."

"Hey," grumbled Shinji, refusing to look at Asuka who was almost certainly laughing at him. 

"Marrow of my bones, I exploded before you accepted that I do."

Shinji sighs.

"She means that literally," complained Hikari.

"I know."

Asuka and Hikari look at her. 

"What? We talk about almost everyone he loves. That includes the pair of you, in very different ways."

Asuka winces as she clenches her fists, "Just don't make him hurt you. I can run faster than Rei."

"It appears that you did," Kodama does not return the threat, nor quite understand all the implications behind Asuka's phrasing and the anger that came with it.

Asuka unclenches her hands and shakes her head, "Except for a few bruises, mine are all self inflicted."

Kodama looks back at Shinji, stopping herself from reaching out. She'd held his hand earlier, it looked like it might be the only part of him below the neck that wasn't the disturbing colour of healing bruises and deeper wounds.

"There are things between you that he and I do not also have. Touch is not one of them."

Kodama reached out and stroked his shoulder lightly. It was a rather intimate gesture with everyone else there. It was also, in a way, a public admission. Or at least one in front of her sister, which was possibly going to be even worse.

"The stitches will be removed in approximately a week. It depends how fast he heals. Please do not hold him as tightly as we both wish. It will result in it being even longer until we can."

Rei rests her hand on Kodama's shoulder as she crouches, studying but not touching, "You have seen worse. You will see worse."

"Cryptic and ominous, and you still haven't scared her off Rei. Give up and go help with lunch."

"I was not scaring. I was acknowledging the strength of their connection. They see each other's weaknesses and flaws. They love. You understand this."

Asuka tilts her head in acknowledgement and grins, "I now pronounce you Idiot and Girlfriend. I'll go talk my wife out of planning a wedding."

Shinji waits until she is mostly out of range and preoccupied distracting Hikari before tilting his head and kissing the fingers resting on his shoulder, "I'm glad you and Maya are as good together as you looked."

"Fool or pervert?"

"Both. You know that. You sounded very happy when you called. You called from the hot springs near her place and you asked me to make your apartment spotless. Even an idiot can put that together, especially one who noticed both of you trying not to flirt and thinks you'd be good for, as well as to, each other."

"You noticed? I thought you were thoroughly distracted by that point, not to mention so exhausted you literally fell alseep on your feet."

"You think I don't pay attention to the people I love?"

"Fool it is then. You're supposed to tell me that over one of those wonderful dinners you made me. Or after some of the sex everyone thinks we've been having."

"Uh. They all know about the distance thing now, and I dare you to try convincing your sister that fingers don't count."

Kodama laughs softly, "You can talk me into a lot of things, but I know better than to try to convince her of anything, especially that."

"I, uh, also owe you an apology, and thanks."

"What combination of things did you manage to do on top of this?" She strokes his arm lightly, touching around the worst of the bruises.

"Umm. Please don't do that."

"Sorry, did I hurt."

"No," he turns his head away.

Kodama smiles wickedly, "Oh. So you do like me after all?"

"And um. Rei found me while I was cleaning your apartment. I didn't have a way to call you and I let her in without asking first. She sat and watched me while I cleaned to make sure I didn't hurt myself more. It was nice, being just us in a space that's not meant to be full of people. She asked if I had been happy when I was there with you. I was cleaning the bath, and we were both happy the last time we were in it together, and I finished so it would be ready so you could have a good soak when you got home. Then I remembered you were bringing Maya home with you."

"Pervert."

"I didn't do anything!" he protested.

"Not even after you got home?"

"I hurt too much."

"Aww. I could help now if you like."

"Uh. There's no way Hikari wouldn't notice us sneaking off, lunch will be ready soon, Rei will be finished changing in a moment."

"Excuses?" she asked, belatedly realising Rei had vanished earlier and not in the direction of the kitchen. She'd been rather focused on her injured friend, perhaps actually boyfriend, she'd have to ask if he agreed with Rei later, Rei who was very openly encouraging and acknowledging them, Rei who had clearly given up on being at all subtle.

"No. I want us both to enjoy whatever we do. Not worrying if Maya thinks I'm stealing her girlfriend."

"She's not," Kodama falters under Shinji's questioning look, "Yet. She's cautious. I think you know the last person she was attracted to."

Shinji nods, his face hardening for a moment before softening, "So let's not complicate things more right now. See how it goes."

Kodama snorts, "That's what I told her."

"You two love birds ready to eat?" interrupts Asuka, "Lunch that is."

---

Hikari looked up from her empty plate. She'd blame her hunger on climbing all those stairs, but her mind was burning as much energy as her body. She'd had almost a whole week of quiet without anything new being dropped on her. Part of that was from banning Shinji from doing any housework while she cooked and cleaned for New Year. Somehow he'd managed it anyway. Probably not just recently either.

"I don't have a spare key."

"Because you're nosey and would insist on hanging around and trying to talk me into dating Shinji. He turns up, cleans, leaves me dinner and vanishes like a ghost so when I come home exhausted all I have to do is warm up a delicious dinner and fall into bed."

"It looks like you did anyway."

"There were reasons we didn't and aren't. Good reasons." She looks over at Shinji. "Some of which you've had a recent demonstration of, several of which are sitting next to you."

"You still think Rei will object to you having his children? Do you think he will abandon you and your child?

There are several gasps and Kodama squeezes Shinji's hand under the table to keep him quiet. She doesn't need a defender. She definitely wouldn't mind even if she'd settled the amount of want in her mind one of the nights Maya had fallen asleep on her and left her not quite alone with her thoughts. It is probably fortunate that she hasn't had chance to talk to him, because if she'd told him about the night she'd needed him, Hikari might see the look in his eyes that came with the way his body had tensed, and as insensitive as she was being, she didn't deserve that.

"You think any of us are ready for that? I wasn't then and I'm not now. She's not, and she will always be first to him in everything. I'll believe you are ready when he starts having a second floor built, because he's not leaving you either. No matter how much I hope he might love me some day, it will never be enough for him to tear his family apart. I would never ask for that, because succeeding would be a lot worse than failing."

She's about to say something about how he can't abandon her if she's never asked him to stay, how despite one of his worst days, he had stayed, perhaps even how even now he was trying to make sure she would have someone even if it wasn't him. Because there would always be times he couldn't be there when she needed him. It might have been better if she had the chance.

"Hikari, there are things you do not know and I will not be telling you." 

Shinji's tone was flatter than Rei's and as warm as the Nothing. Hikari gulped then nodded slowly.

"Not everything," Rei said into the ensuing silence, "Asuka was the first to attempt to drown him. Also the first to see him naked. There are activities I would not enjoy that you would. There are things I cannot do. Is he less in your heart because you have had others before him?" Rei tilted her head slightly, "Or at the same time?"

Kodama shakes her head slowly.

"Good. Asuka will distract Hikari so you can kiss him goodbye. I will fetch Hot Lesbian Mochi for you to take home to Maya. It is safe to eat, Asuka is bisexual."

"Hey!"

Shinji shakes his head, "You missed out on the competition because you bit me, so you don't get to complain. You'd have lost anyway, Mikami always wins, so it doesn't matter that you don't qualify for Hot Lesbian status."

Seeing the look on Asuka's face he adds, "You can make some when your hands have healed and you can wear a sports bra. We can pretend it's New Year again. There wouldn't be any crowds so we could even get a fortune."

Asuka snorts, "You don't want my mochi, you just want to see Rei dressed like that again."

"I'll see Rei in that tomorrow, I won't get to eat your mochi for another week or two at least. Longer if you've made it so much worse that Hikari won't even hold your hand."

Before things can escalate Rei hands Kodama a small bag containing box of mochi.

"Please inform Maya she is welcome to visit. Shinji will meet her outside if she does not wish to encounter the residents."

It was still another half an hour before Kodama left, but that had nothing to do with mochi.

 

 

 

Chapter 37: Kodama returns home

Summary:

2021, January 1st

Early Morning, January 2nd

A late lunch turned into a later trip home and the sun has just set when Kodama reaches her apartment.

Kodama lets herself quietly into her apartment. Everything is silent, and almost as clean as when she'd arrived home several days ago, except the vase of flowers is on the table and there's just enough light from the window to see an empty glass in the drainer.

If it weren't for that, she'd think she was alone. She turns on the low light, the one that lets her see well enough to make it to bed without waking up, and there's still no sign of her temporary roommate. Or girlfriend by Rei's definition given how many times they'd already shared a meal and a bed. Though perhaps there had not been enough kissing yet.

She slips off her shoes and hangs his coat by the door where it belonged, it had taken longer and not long enough to say goodbye and he'd worried it would be cold and dark by the time she got home. She had accepted the coat in leu of him accompanying her. At least she could let go of that. 

'Stop pretending.' They weren't, they had a defined relationship, it just wasn't a very traditional or regular one. Which was one of several reasons they hadn't told Hikari. Now the cat was completely out of the bag. Rei had weighed in. She wasn't sure what to make of that. She was borrowing him, there was no question in her mind about where he belonged. Had been no question. Except Rei seemed to disagree, thought she was a part of him. Despite Rei knowing what they'd done together, at least to some level, not because. At least not because of what sex they'd managed. On top of that there was Hikari knowing she'd been pregnant. Her sister's insensitive questions, which was another reason she hadn't been told but not telling her had resulted in her being upset enough to actually ask. Shinji snapping at her sister in a tone that cut the conversation dead. He hadn't said the words but he might as well have screamed 'mine!'

She really didn't know what to make of that either. It was the complete opposite of his "wait and see what happens" less than an hour earlier. He was very careful not to even use words that could be interpreted as possessive. To make sure she knew she was her own person and he wouldn't interfere with her choices. That she shouldn't make choices because of him. He'd been pleased she'd been pursuing Maya. 

She had thought she'd learned what went on in his head. Provoking Asuka into dealing with her past at the risk of getting hurt, and succeeding at both - that was pure Shinji. Feeling guilty about everything. But what had provoked him enough to tell his family about her? Including apparently at least something about their first time if Rei wasn't counting it as sex. She was didn't know how she felt about that. What had provoked that angry protectiveness? Hikari had indicated things had blown up messily when suggesting she take some time away, but she still didn't know how, and Hikari hadn't been any more forthcoming today either. Asuka's description of events had been about something more recent and also obviously incomplete. Volatile didn't come close to describing the weird combination of relaxed and explosive atmosphere.

She draped the kimono over the back of one of the chairs followed by the outermost layers of her slips. She'd deal with it tomorrow when she could put it away properly. She quietly snuck into the bathroom to clean her teeth. What she really wanted, even more than to know what was going on, was a long bath with Shinji while he held her and helped the stress leech out of her body. Then a quiet night with him wrapped around her, his skin against hers, reassuring in his presence. But her dreams now included Maya tucked between her arms, one of his arms wrapped around them both. 

Right now that was even more tempting than the one where she was full of him with Maya touching and kissing her. It hadn't been just his fingers stroking her in her imagination for a couple of weeks now. Although after feeling him pressed against her as he hugged her very carefully goodbye she was going to have different dreams. She had stood there, not daring to touch him because she remembered all the bruises she'd seen, even the odd shaped one Asuka had described as "lunch not me". She had stood there, so close she could feel the length of him through their clothing and with him running his fingers very, very lightly through her hair, and wanting nothing more than to be able to touch him without causing him pain.

She sighed and wet a washcloth to wipe her face. Any other day, especially if she'd dressed up the way she had, she'd have a layer of makeup to remove. But he said she was more beautiful without it and she hadn't cared what anyone else thought of her today. Maybe if she could persuade Maya out on an actual date she'd dress up again.

---

She leaned against the doorframe, the faint light illuminating the sleeping figure tucked into her bed. She knows her bed companion is several years older than she is, but right now she looks cute and young, her face relaxed other than the slight smile.

She is falling hard and fast, trying to slow her fall but the woman in front of her is not helping. She'd attempt to abandon it as another of her terrible ideas, but her almost-certainly-still-need-to-negotiate-that-boyfriend and the local Kami seemed to think it was a good idea, and she trusted them more than she trusted herself. Whether doing so was also one of her bad ideas, well it was two years since she'd first said she trusted him and he hadn't given her any reason not to since.

She should be panicking about now. Her hopefully eventually soon girlfriend was interested in her probably boyfriend and she knew how that ended. Except he'd said 'let her take care of you' which she could almost certainly interpret as him trying to push her away if he hadn't less than an hour before casually referred to her as someone he loved. She knew how short that list was. So instead of having the obvious panic based on her history, she was wondering if he was putting her in the same category as Asuka and what it would mean if he was, but the only person he was that casual about loving was Rei and she wasn't prepared to think about that.

Given the way he was clearly reacting to her, despite all the stress and emotional chaos, she was as certain as she could be that he wasn't putting her in the same category as Hikari. You'd need a scalpel to cut the sexual tension between them. A laser scalpel, and a very high powered microscope to find it first. They'd have been very cute together, if their lives had taken a different direction, but she was very glad they hadn't.

He'd told her, the next time he could be certain to still be there when she got home, things that never happened, things he knew how to do but had no memory of learning, things he only remembered under particular circumstances. The What Ifs that tried to tempt him away from the real world, as if anything could tear him away from Rei for very long. Comfort. A family. That even worked for a while. Then he'd given her a Hikari level talk reminding her of why Hikari was almost the sister he'd never had and she was definitely not. Afterwards he'd made sure she was very thoroughly clean and very thoroughly relaxed before demonstrating that he was nearly as good with his tongue as he was with his hands until she felt very thoroughly loved even if he never said it in words.

The memory of which was failing to distract her from what she was doing and only adding to places her imagination was taking her.

She'd seen him every week for a month after, but they'd only shared a bed once and that was just to sleep, very comfortable sleep but nothing more than his hands on her bare skin and their bodies pressed together as they slept. Then she hadn't seen him for what felt like years but was actually only a couple of months before the preparations for Hikari's wedding. After the wedding it felt like she'd barely seen him at all except for movie night and her sister making annoying comments about them 'dancing' and making them sit together. She might have managed to pretend to fall asleep on his shoulder if Asuka's commentary wasn't so funny and her sister so Hikari. That Rei was usually cuddled against his other side was also not helping her current thoughts about beds and the people she wants in them with her.

She should get ready for bed rather than standing there watching Maya sleep. They'd should talk in the morning, if Maya was sound asleep this early she wasn't going to wake her for dinner, and she should get a second spare key, she hadn't thought to ask Shinji for his and Maya would need to be able to come and go while she was in class. Shinji would of course be willing to collect Maya, but she couldn't count on him being allowed to, especially after having cleaned when he was supposed to be resting. Rei might come with him, and he and Maya could...

 

She came back to awareness to the sensation of hands gently stroking her hair, it was soothing but across the surface, not the way he ran his fingers through, the very slight tension that forced her to know he was there, even though every strand was separate and untangled because he'd spent half an hour brushing and combing out the tangles of the day. Of course the soft breasts her face was buried in were another indication. The owner of said breasts was not complaining so she was going to stay here for a moment longer.

With their relative heights, Maya was the one who would end up with her head on her chest, and if she slept like this in her own bed her feet would poke out the bottom. Shinji's bed was about twenty centimeters longer and she didn't have this problem when he visited because they slept with their heads level, still most often spooning, but sometimes facing each other. Maya definitely made a better pillow than either of them though.

"Will you be alright now?"

"As long as you don't have sex in my bed without me, explode or turn into an icicle," her voice came out shakier than she intended.

"I wouldn't do that. Armisael and probably Leliel. I didn't see ice in the freezer so I'm guessing you either haven't dealt with Sandalphon or aren't expecting him any time soon."

"It's the middle of winter, why would I have ice?" she asked Maya's breast in what was at least a different kind of confusion.

"No one told you he jumped into a volcano yet?"

"Asuka then," she concluded after barely a moment's thought, "He told me about nearly losing Rei, and Asuka just gave me the details about Toji."

She sighs, once again she'd underestimated how entwined everything is, but the people she knows who don't think they are would consider her abnormal if they knew she loved women and an utter pervert if they knew she loved both, and probably unspeakable if they knew she wanted both at once. She needed better acquaintances.

"Can I sleep like this? Or are you going to squeak and hide?"

"You can. I promise not to squeak as long as you let go for long enough we can move so you don't fall off the bed."

---

Kodama woke to the sensation of fingertips brushing the edge of her ear. A moment later they once more stroked through the hair on the side of her head. 

She opened her eyes carefully, to be greeted by a cat in a loaf position on a light grey background crossing her line of sight vertically. She blinked. The illustration of the cat was horizontal, so was her head but not in the same orientation. Her eyes slid down, relative to the cat. It was probably a good thing she hadn't woken with the cat the right way up. She remembered falling asleep with her head between Maya's breasts. If she'd woken up with her head between her not yet girlfriend's thighs her enjoyment would be short lived - even if Maya had left her there, that was too much for the current stage of their relationship.

That she could clearly see the narrow strip of skin between the top of Maya's cat underwear and the obviously-her-own top that she'd slept in meant she'd slept late.

That her head was resting in Maya's lap while she stroked her hair as if she were the cat meant Maya had slept somewhat less late and was sitting up with her back to the wall behind the bed. 

That she thought she could smell the faint scent of arousal was just an after effect of the dream she'd been having. Whatever it had involved, the dream had been untainted by the tinges of panic of the night before. She felt relaxed in a way that most frequently came from the kind of orgasm that was at least a week away. That it would be that long until she would be alone long enough to take care of matters could have been frustrating, but she was comfortable.

"I know you're awake," Maya's voice was as gentle as her fingers, "and you don't have to move, but your stomach has been grumbling for the last hour."

Kodama briefly contemplated suggesting something she could have for breakfast, she wouldn't have to move much, but Maya would and she was far more comfortable than horny. Besides if they were going there, it would require not scaring her hopefully girlfriend off by being too forward.

"Can I take you out for breakfast?"

It would be crowded even this far from the Shrine and there would be plenty left in the fridge for breakfast, Shinji had made sure of that, but that would make it less of a date-date and maybe Maya would, no Maya didn't like large numbers of people, maybe this was a bad idea but if they stayed inside all day she was going to get ahead of herself.

"Yes," Maya interrupted her thoughts before they could escape containment, "I'd like to see where you live. Can I pay or is it barter here? I don't have much."

Kodama smiles against Maya's thigh, "If we hadn't already drunk half of it before we left, you could probably feed us for a month on a bottle of the Lemon Leg Remover. You can barter but most people can't handle larger things, or living ones, and you aren't going to be here long enough to build up a skill bank or settle into the sort of mutual exchange that fed you the first time you visited. So if you insist on paying, yen is fine."

Maya stretched, exposing more of her midriff, "So get up sleepyhead, we can stop your gurgling then you can show me around."

Notes:

Sorry, no themed title this time, imagination failed me.

Chapter 38: Dates and Other Signs of Attraction

Summary:

2021, January 3rd

Early Morning, January 4th

Kodama takes Maya out on a second date before bringing her home for a third.

Between warm food, an uphill walk, her winter coat, the insulated blanket they were sitting on, and the pale early afternoon sun, Maya was almost warm enough. From where they were sitting, they had a view of Mount Fuji, and a clearer view of the ocean. The former she had seen plenty of times and the latter raised more questions she probably wasn't going to ask for at least a year. So instead she was watching her current favorite thing to look at and thinking.

"So. If I go back down, do you think they'd give me something warm for dessert or do I have to have the Royal Concubine with me to qualify for free food?"

Kodama lifts her eyes and laughs, "Get your Lurid Fantasies right, I'm the Kami's Consort's Concubine." She smiles, "And you might, unless you want to tell them you've already slept with them both?"

Maya blushes, "But if you come with me, I'll need something to fend off the competition, like a big stick or," she pauses dramatically, then continues breathlessly "hand-holding."

"Or matching flowers in our hair I suppose," she continues in a more normal but slightly disappointed tone as she takes the flowers Kodama just handed her in an insufficiently romantic manner.

"You don't recognize those flowers?"

Maya lifts the flowers to study them more closely, there were several similar species scattered across the hillside, and despite knowing the more traditional ones, providing cataloguing support did not mean she could actually recognize them all in person. Kodama thought she would know what they were though, which means she knew. Oh. She was a bit more distracted by her companion than she'd thought.

"Well, that explains where she got them from then. She must have been up here before New Year, and they know her well enough that she must be here frequently enough to know there would be flowers here. I wonder why she picked this one. Some of the others are bigger."

"I didn't think you were a Size Girl."

Maya sticks her tongue out at Kodama, "Maybe I should leave you to the competition after all."

"What do you mean by that?"

Maya rolls her eyes, "You didn't notice? The younger maiden in deep blue with highlights the color of Ayanami's hair. She was the moonlit sea during the dance and was making eyes at you in between admonishing poor 'Ama-chan' for bothering the customers. She can certainly move her body well."

"If you're trying to make me jealous, keep going," grumbled Kodama at Maya's admiring tone.

"Oh. Sorry." Maya reached out and put the back of her hand against Kodama's cheek. "Just she's a dancer and I've watched you move, a lot, and especially this morning while you were taking such a long time to get dressed. You'd fit well together. So part of me would like to see that because it would be beautiful and part of me is thinking that I kissed you first."

Kodama's cheek grows warm under her hand.

"So you know, I plan to again later. If you still want me to."

"I do, but don't push yourself. I like having you as a friend."

Maya nods, "Was there anything else you'd like to do? That doesn't require climbing mountains?"

"Weakling!" Kodama teased. "Are you going to need another hot bath when we get home?"

"Only if you don't threaten to join me this time."

Kodama mock pouts, "I'll make dinner and preparations for whether your legs still work or not afterwards."

---

"So, what did you have planned? As long as it's not far, my legs are happier now."

"Something we've done before and how strenuous it is is entirely up to you. Except the moving the table part, which I'd appreciate your help with."

"So what do we need the space for? Oh, is that..."

"Yes and no, but this way we won't annoy the neighbors too much."

That was a poor excuse, she could play music at a sufficient volume to dance to, but sharing the headset meant they'd have to be close. It also wasn't the original tape, though she played that sometimes, it was soothing in a way that it no longer was for him. It also wasn't the one Asuka had made, which started with "Ride of the Valkyries" and became less danceable from there, at least for normal people.

"You could have just said you wanted to dance with me again."

"Where would be the fun in that? Besides if you weren't able to move, I'd have suggested something else."

"I'm not that out of shape."

"I like your shape."

Maya laughs, "You're becoming predictable."

"Already? What am I going to do to keep you interested?"

"How about that dance you were wanting?"

Kodama lifted the other earpiece to the one she had just put in, "Come here then?"

She hit play, settled the earpiece into Maya's ear, then traced her fingers around the curve of her ear and slid her hand down until it rested in the small of her back. 

---

"That was fun, we should do it again some time when we won't disturb the neighbors."

"You just want to show off your fancy moves."

"That too."

"What is it?"

"We just spent an hour holding each other while we moved."

"Oooh. Do you want me to hold you while you scratch that itch or shall I leave you alone for a bit?"

Maya squeaks.

"Sorry, I should know better."

"I hope you do," muttered Maya almost inaudibly.

Kodama pulled Maya back into her arms and kissed the top of her head, "Only if and when you're ready to find out. Which I know isn't today. Should I sleep out here?"

Maya shakes her head, "No, but I'll need to borrow one of your shirts tonight because you saw how short mine are, and don't try to claim you weren't looking."

That wasn't what she wanted or needed, but if you didn't count the first five times they'd danced together, their friendship was less than a month old. She needed time more than she needed things she was trying hard not to think about and failing. She wanted to sleep the way they'd first slept together, but while she mostly trusted Kodama to do nothing more than hold her she didn't trust herself right now.

---

Maya lifted her head off the otherwise empty pillow to find her eyes looking at Kodama's bare thighs and her nose full of the smells of breakfast.

"Breakfast in bed and a quiet day at home for you," declared Kodama, "You're exhausted and it's not all my fault. The most you moved last night was to cling to me when I got up and I know that's not just from a little hill." 

Her tone at the end was a mix of teasing and concern - her friend wasn't in physically poor shape and had dragged her all over town after their breakfast date making her show her everything. They'd even walked as far as Rue de Châteaux Ikari - at least that's what the hand-painted sign at the end of the road said this week - no further than the sign, but Maya would know how to get there if she needed to. She'd even gone through a stretching routine after she'd dressed after her bath, alone after laughingly pushing her out of her own bathroom, which had been very enjoyable to observe if somewhat less to get persuaded into joining.

She'd also been fast asleep when she got home after the New Year shrine visit when the winter sun had only just set, and last night had slept through her shirt riding up in the night and fingers running along her exposed ribs.

Kodama sighed softly, trying to keep it to herself as she shifted the tray to Maya's lap once she'd sat up. At least this friend would let her take care of them more than once a month.

"Now eat, before I feed you myself!"

Maya looked up from the food, and smiled at her. Damn, she was so adorably cute.

"Seriously?"

Maya blushed but didn't look away, "No one ever did that for me, and you messed up giving me flowers so you need to make it up to me."

Kodama blinked, she hadn't thought about it that way, she'd just been somewhat surprised at the flowers and wanted her friend's opinion. She'd have to do it properly later. In the meantime, she had a hungry woman to feed.

 

Chapter 39: Winter Mornings

Summary:

2019, December

The shifting weather causes an unexpected period of cold and someone doesn't want to get up.

Asuka reached out and brushed hair out of the face of the woman next to her who was pretending to sleep.

"'kari'?

"mmm?"

"I think you're worrying Shinji."

Hikari snuggled even closer.

"warm"

"I know you're comfy but we haven't made it to breakfast for three days now and you're grouchy when you get up."

"not"

Asuka held her close, gently, affectionately, with a slight smile on her face, "and he hasn't heard your morning orgasm in longer."

"kotatsu"

"I love you, but I am not your personal foot warmer."

"need. snuggles. living-room. stop worry."

Asuka smiled and kissed Hikari's forehead. She'd ask Shinji to help make one whenever they finally got up. He could build it while she worked out the power supply for the heater.

She moved her hand to pull the blankets up, smiling at Hikari's contented sounding grumblingly before settling with her. It was going to be a while. She wasn't going to miss a moment of it.

Notes:

Not beta read. I just needed to write a bit of Hikari/Asuka being cute together.

Chapter 40: Icy Thoughts

Summary:

2021, January 5th

Maya is staring off into space, well, into the layer of ice covering the half meter or so of water in the bottom of the retention pond, lost in thought and waiting for Shinji. Kodama had handed her a freshly made spare key, which she'd almost dropped when Kodama followed it with a rather long kiss before heading out the door for her morning classes.

Admittedly she'd started it, but Kodama had turned a spur off the moment goodbye touch of their lips to something that she still wasn't quite ready for. Not that she'd complained, it had been very enjoyable and it felt very good to be desired. They'd spent even more time talking or quietly enjoying each other's company than she'd have believed you could squeeze into such a short time. Which was part of the problem. It would be easy to get carried away, but they were both complex people, they needed a stable footing first.

That she'd woken up this morning with her face buried in Kodama's shoulder and they'd both been wearing t-shirts that had previously belonged to Shinji had nothing to do with everything. At least they were clean shirts and she hadn't felt quite as bad about that after Kodama had put the one that now smelled faintly of all three of them back in the cupboard rather than the laundry basket. If they were going to behave like the silly schoolgirl she had never been, Shinji was going to have to join a band or something.

"If you're waiting for Shinji..."

Maya startles and looks at the woman who'd just sat on the bench next to her. 

"Tanaka-san? Sorry, I didn't see you."

"It's fine. I can sneak up on Shinji and you were rather lost in thought."

"I am. I'm early. Am I intruding here?"

Given the way they danced together, she wasn't sure how close the woman now sitting next to her, who managed to still be beautiful wearing a padded coat, paint stained pants and a woolen hat pulled over the tips of her ears, was to Shinji. At the wedding, Kodama had said she liked to tease him and was 'so gay not even Shinji could make her interested'. Unfortunately she'd thought the same of herself and even if she hadn't seen Shinji yet, the close proximity of the woman who'd made her breakfast was bringing back vivid memories of how she'd woken up that morning.

But Kodama hadn't mentioned her even once in the time they'd spent together, and if there was someone else in Shinji's life she'd definitely have done that during one of their conversations about relationships. Before Kodama she'd struggled to form real friendships, her classmates thought she was too serious, her colleagues at Nerv had thought she was too optimistic with her trust in technology, especially that which they relied on to save the world, and in the people who built it, and even if she understood why Sempai had kept her at arms length that didn't make it easier.

Kodama had fitted into her life like she belonged there. It was easy to talk to her, easy to hold her, easy to sit in comfortable silence until one of them had something to say. It had barely been three weeks since Kodama had knocked on her door unexpectedly.

What was she going to do if Shinji did the same? Her body had certainly fit his even easier than it did Kodama's. After Kodama kissed her, she'd been happy. Not quite ready but happy. A relationship with a woman, especially a woman like Kodama, who was very definitely not Sempai, fit her self conception.

That she'd spent the first night back here with her face buried in her probably eventually soon girlfriend's chest while wearing a t-shirt from her not-yet-girlfriend's everything except officially boyfriend as nightwear definitely did not.

She had a sinking feeling Rei would label this convolution of nascent relationships 'simple'. Compared to what she suspected about where Rei fit into things, she would almost certainly be right.

Unlike with Kodama, sitting in silence lost in her thoughts while a beautiful woman watched her was not comfortable, even without the cold of the bench starting to seep through her winter trousers.

"You seem close." Maya wasn't sure if she meant physically close as the woman sitting next to her was, how Tanaka and Shinji had seemed at the wedding, or emotionally close as they had also seemed and she may or may not want to be.

Chihiro smiles, "You could say that. One minute you're on a date, the next he's helping you marry your girlfriend."

Maya looks alarmed. If you didn't consider any of their times at the springs together as a date the way Kodama would no doubt complain Hikari did, and if you counted their breakfast as just between friends, there was the hillside picnic and then being pampered almost all of the next day. Kodama had returned from her afternoon classes slightly out of breath and had been flustered when she opened the door for her. It had been cute and very domestic. If it had been three years not three weeks, those three weeks could almost have been a honeymoon and them newlyweds returning home. The thought of marrying Kodama seemed both natural and a distressingly good idea. She pushed it as far out of her mind as it would go, along with the thoughts of activities between newly married people that she was definitely not ready for, and tried to focus on her current company.

Chihiro laughs, "The first was a long time ago, before Asuka showed up if that helps. It was a fake date to try to convince my father I wasn't actually one of those disgusting ... uh. I can't say it and you don't need to hear it. Anyway, it turned out we got along well as friends even if the date was a hilarious disaster. Then I moved away and didn't see him again until I met him on a beach."

"I see," responded Maya, not entirely sure that she did. The words made sense but the idea of Shinji going on a date, and a deliberately fake one, before he even met Asuka... she hadn't known him well but more than this grown Shinji whose bed she'd ended up in, but that didn't seem likely, but then neither did the part about the bed and she'd been there.

"Megumi and I got married a few months before Asuka and Hikari's wedding, after the initial fuss died down and we didn't have to share a celebration with half the street. The Ayanamis stood in for my family, who wouldn't have been invited even if we knew where they were, so it helped a lot."

"Ayanamis?"

"Shinji and Rei. They were very good at acting as a couple for the wedding."

"You're friends with Rei too?"

She shakes her head, "That's mostly Megumi, but her family doesn't think she's a freak of nature and Rei thought it was hilarious to play the role of my mother."

"Your father and I were wondering if you had considered waiting until you were older," Chihiro attempts Rei's serious tone. "Then Shinji would facepalm and Rei would start snickering again. But she was all calm and serious about making sure I looked perfect and knew my lines. My mother was never that doting."

Maya smiles, "I guess she's grown up too."

"You sound like you're the doting parent."

Maya shakes her head, "No. No. It's just complicated."

Chihiro smiles, "Probably the only thing that isn't complicated when it comes to Rei is Shinji."

Maya raises an eyebrow, carefully because raising just one took effort but it did have the effect of forcing her to school her face to not give anything else away, "I thought you said you knew them."

"I didn't say they were explainable."

Maya pauses for a moment then gets out a pad from her bag, carefully unrolling it so as not to crease the paper. Though it's possible creases might improve things.

"That's ... actually I have no idea what that is."

"It's what happens when I try to translate a fifteen dimensional mathematical model onto paper without the supercomputer Rei said I'd need to even attempt a description of their relationship."

"Would colour help?"

"Only if you wanted to complete it's resemblance to a clouder of multicoloured cats throwing up hairballs. I probably need to work out a different five microsecond timeslice to start with."

Having an organic supercomputer to hand would have let her model some of the other thousands of variables at the same time, but it would still have taken her more than a couple of months of her spare time to turn it into something she could understand herself. She'd be ashamed to show Sempai anything for years at this rate. Not that she could, or wanted to, even if it would give her access to the records that would make it even possible.

Chihiro tilted her head, still completely failing to understand but with the uncomfortable feeling that if she stared at it long enough she might, "And I thought the only unanswered question was whether they were siblings or not."

"Yes."

"What?"

"Siblings. Shinji's father was Rei's Guardian."

"But."

"But what?"

Chihiro shakes her head, "I thought I had them worked out."

There's a weight on her head and a pair of arms slip around her, "You won't. Not even if Ibuki-san tells you everything she knows that  you don't, not even if Umi-chan explains it to you afterwards."

She stands and hugs him, "Hey! And quit sneaking girlfriend!" She waves to Maya, "Good luck, and don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your crush on your long lost twin brother and he won't tell anyone that you've kissed him. I had to find out about Kodama from Rei." She sticks her tongue at Shinji and saunters back across the road. 

Shinji sits on the bench with a thump, knocking the remaining snow loose in a shower of white, and puts his head in his hands.

Maya smiles, "Does she happen to you a lot?"

Shinji lifts his head and smiles at her. For a moment he reminds her of the boy she met, not Pilot Ikari, but the Shinji who cooked for Katsuragi's promotion party. Then his smile reaches his eyes and her breath catches.

She turns her head away and carefully puts her sketch pad back in her bag.

"You said something about a walk?"

 

Chapter 41: A walk with Maya

Summary:

2021, January 5th

They hadn't said much since they met. She obviously had something on her mind and he was quite content to give her time to decide what she wanted to say.

It wasn't quite as awkward as he'd expected. Rei was obviously meddling again and he hadn't quite worked out what she had in mind. He could ask her of course, but he wouldn't spoil her fun unless it became necessary. He'd spent only a few hours awake in Maya's company and been occupied and preoccupied for much of that. Even so he could see some of what Kodama saw in her, and not just how well her insulated trousers fit.

He watched her face when her glances turned his direction as she studied their surroundings. She was looking for something and he was letting himself get distracted for a while.

At least the stretch of coastline they were walking along was the opposite direction from the beach where Rei had found him. Again. There were some things he didn't want to bring to mind again so soon, but he suspected what Maya wanted to ask was related so he hadn't tried to change the path they were taking.

Maya stopped and looked out across the beach, "Why was I on your list?"

Shinji looked at her, a little surprised, of all the questions he'd expected that hadn't been one of them.

"I was trying to get back to the bridge. The next thing I know I'm coughing up a vile combination of murky water and LCL, and a young girl is wading out to me with a towel. After I was dry and dressed she asked me what my name was. When I told her she smiled and declared I was on 'The Ikari List' and she would get to tell Onii-chan once she'd gotten me to the people who would help."

She pauses for a moment, "No one was ever that happy to tell the Commander anything, but you don't have any siblings. I learned later that for all practical purposes you were running the recovery teams for the first year. So it had to be your list, and it couldn't have been that long or a ten year old couldn't have it memorized."

Shinji looks at her, "Asuka was about to start her degree and you're smarter than she is. It can't be a surprise to you that Minami had the list of people to watch out for memorized. Though it was quite short by the time you returned."

"Why didn't you come to see me then?"

"Unless it's someone I found, I leave it up to them. When it is. When it is, it doesn't always go well. Asuka tried to kill me. Misato ran away once she realized it was me, which was a reasonable response and I don't blame her for it. People don't always handle the return well."

Maya nods slowly, there's things she wants to ask there but they will have to go on her own long mental list.

"I notice you didn't answer my question."

Shinji looks away, "People were on the list for several reasons. If father ever comes back I want to make sure he's kept away from me. My friends I wanted to know that they were alright and have someone tell them where to find me if they wanted to."

"Still not an answer," prods Maya gently, "but it's fine if you don't want to tell me."

"I missed your voice."

"My voice?"

"When everyone else was angry, or panicking, especially when it was me, you always sounded calm and caring. For real, not just to get me to stop annoying you. It helped."

There's another long silence with nothing but the waves and the occasional seabird.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't there at the end."

"You were dead, you couldn't help it."

"Do I want to know how you know that?"

"I tripped over your body. After Misato died getting me past some soldiers, doing her best to encourage me to keep going when I was past the point of sitting down and waiting for someone to shoot me. I was angry for a long time. That you'd failed them too."

Maya is fairly sure he's not talking about Major Katsuragi there, "But not now?"

"Only on days when I'm angry at everything. Those are less often than they used to be. Especially now I've seen you."

Shinji realizes what he just said and how it could be interpreted and suddenly feels young and foolish again, not that he isn't anymore.

"I didn't look!"

Maya laughs, a happy laugh not a ridiculing one, well, not much, "Then you did better than either myself or Kodama."

"Should I be afraid or offer congratulations?" Shinji avoids asking what she saw, of who, and what she thought about it as she had left immediately. Of course Kodama looked.

"It's a little too soon for either, unless you want to accept Kodama's invitation to visit while I'm here?"

"She talked you into coming to stay with her."

Maya nods, "Not for long, I have work to do and I need my own place for that."

"Should I?"

Maya blushes slightly, "If you're alright with it being just you. Kodama said you weren't to invite Rei. I suspect it's something to do with trying to get herself in a cuddle sandwich without the Rei Cuddle Field."

"If you want me to tell you that's not a thing, I'm not going to be much help. I woke up with my head in Tanaka-chan's lap and all my limbs - Rei has a way of making people want to cuddle."

"You don't want to then?"

"I didn't say that, I just didn't want Kodama to have talked you into something you didn't want to do."

This time Maya really does blush, "It was me who suggested it. Not just as an experiment or because she obviously liked the idea and just hadn't worked out if she could ask it of me. She insisted if I was going to ask you I had to make sure you were up to it and got permission, and that she hoped that we wouldn't have to wait until whenever you come up to the hot springs. I don't want you to feel pressured either though, she can be a bit enthusiastic."

Shinji laughs, "I've resisted her before, I'm sure I can cope. Just ignore her if she suggests strip twister."

"Why would I do that?" Maya sounds calm and almost innocent. She isn't, and she's already picked up bad habits from Kodama, but she's had plenty of practice at keeping an outward calm.

"I'm doomed," groans Shinji melodramatically.

Maya laughs, "I see why she likes you."

---

They've moved on from the point where Maya came ashore by the time Maya decides on her next question.

"Were you alright? With me? Just you seemed surprised and I didn't stay to find out and you were asleep when Rei asked me."

"Rei was being little spoon, it had to be someone she was comfortable with, and it had to be someone she knew I would be. It wasn't Kodama, you're shorter than she is. I wasn't really awake so it wasn't until Rei told me that I knew who it was, and I was surprised you were there."

"So was I," rapidly followed by, "Not in an unpleasant way. Just comfortable. I'd never done something like that before."

"You weren't cold then?"

"Cold? No. Quite warm. Did I feel cold? My body temperature is probably lower than yours."

Shinji realized, very belatedly, why he'd thought she was cold and turned his head away so she couldn't see his face. He decided that if Maya wasn't going to mention it neither was he and prevaricated.

"A bit, but Rei's is higher until she's asleep so maybe it was just the contrast."

"Lots of experience there?" Maya blinked, "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Rei said your relationship was complex. I'm curious but it's not my business."

"It's as much your business as you want it to be. You're probably the only other person who might understand some of it."

"Now I really am curious. Why me?"

"You're the smartest human I know, and you know almost as many secrets as I do."

"Smartest human? Why do I think you don't mean magi?"

Shinji smiles, "See."

"You're both infuriating, you know that? Ayanamis!" Maya threw up her hands in exasperation.

"I see Tanaka-chan got to you too," he laughs, "Though knowing her, if she had chance she'd also have used at least Soryu Shinji and Ikari Rei as well. She still doesn't know how we're related. I don't think what I overheard clarified anything."

"How are you? Rei said it would take hours just to explain if you were lovers or not."

"and the first hour would be her dissecting exactly what you mean by that word, if she was brief and only with you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"She can discuss etymology with Asuka for hours, but Asuka didn't know Rei was a clone until recently."

Seeing Maya does not look surprised by any of that, Shinji adds, "I'm her mother."

Maya stops in mid stride and he reaches out to catch her. Successfully, but it leaves her standing with his arms around her, supporting her and their faces suddenly very close as she looks at him. 

For a brief moment they both wonder if she's about to kiss him, then she asks "Mitochondrial DNA donor?"

He smiles, "and if it takes you more than a minute to work out the other two I'll be surprised".

She studies his face far more closely than she'd had the opportunity or inclination to do before, then her eyes widen.

"No. NO. They didn't! How much of her is your mother?"

"Enough she could pass as her sister if she dyed her hair and closed her eyes. As long as you don't know what to look for, do any genetic checks or scans that show her internal organs. So genetically she could also be considered my aunt."

"And still your lover?" Maya will work out what she's feeling after she has more answers.

"Rei merged with Lilith in a way not completely dissimilar to the way I merged with 01 as it awakened. Rei decided, in the brief moment she had any choice at all, that it was better to put the person who loved her, no matter how broken, in the place of the man who was using her to try to control everything. Then Lilith took the piece of her that was 01, was me, into herself. Or maybe it was the other way around."

Maya stared at him, well, didn't drag her eyes away from his which amounted to the same thing.

"Asuka once said that I, quote 'made a better father for her than Commander Arschloch' and has no idea how that could also be considered correct."

He loosened his grip, not that it made much difference, "And she's twelve. So I'm also her onii-san. She is definitely the sempai though."

Maya finally blinked, "Do you have any simple relationships? I'll even settle for one that has a topology that comes in whole numbers."

"ChiChi's wife is friends with Rei, so no."

"Tanaka? And Aihara?"

He nods, "Chihiro has been utterly besotted with Megumi since before I arrived in Tokyo 3. She's also the only person I have officially dated. Which she only managed because I was too dense to be aware of that first part. We're neighbours, so if you decide to risk visiting the house again I'm sure she'll drop by to tell you all the embarrassing details."

"You aren't going to tell me yourself?"

"And spoil her fun? Anyway, if I don't let her tell you something that actually happened she'll make something up that's probably far worse."

Maya smiles, "I'm sure I can come up with something to retaliate with."

Shinji wondered how much of this was Maya's natural personality and how much he'd inflicted on himself by introducing her to Kodama.

"There's Kensuke, he's a normal friend," he started in an attempt to change the conversation back to her previous question.

"He doesn't count," finished Maya.

"Do I need to talk to him?" Shinji looked concerned and unexpectedly protective.

"No. No. Just I work with his wife and he's indirectly responsible for the first and second time I ended up in a bed with Kodama. That's also Rei's fault, in case it wasn't obvious to you."

"Why do I get the feeling that most of our conversations are going to involve the phrase 'do I really want to know?'"

"Because you have an interesting collection of friends and we both have a lot of secrets that should probably stop being."

Maya pauses for a moment then decides to explain, "As I said, I work with Hayami sometimes, so I've met Kensuke several times, about the only normal thing he's done is get married. I heard you were at their wedding so you can try to convince me that was normal."

Shinji smiles, "Rei enjoyed it."

Maya laughs, "It definitely wasn't normal then."

"All the flowers were ones Rei brought back, Hayami spent half an hour telling her about them before she was dragged away."

"See, they couldn't get through a wedding," Maya paused, she'd seen pictures, "That Rei brought back?"

"Well it wasn't me. All I knew about flowers was that some of them were edible." He noticed the way Maya was looking at him, "I was a fourteen year old boy! At least now I know some of them are pretty."

"You're avoiding the question, so do I really want to know enough to ask you to be more explicit?"

"I already know you well enough to know you do, but you'll have to ask Rei if you want to understand." 

For a long while he's lost in thought and memory, most of which only makes sense when he's physically closer to Rei, or here closer to the remains of Lilith that weren't Rei. It's not the sort of conversation for a cuddle pile, at least one that also contained Maya, he'd had some long and complicated conversations with Kodama while they were curled up together. Here he could put some of it into words.

"The GeoFront is a um defekte Terraformung Technik? Genesis Machine? If it worked properly, it would have wiped the planet clean and started over. It's very old and was broken before Nerv started digging holes into it and an Eva initiated a core explosion inside, powering it up using an Impact Event controlled by an insane boy and the girl who loved him could actually have gone worse."

"Fick," muttered Maya, partly at Shinji's summary and partly at the magnitude of his understatement. There wasn't a Japanese explitive that came close to being appropriate, the German was much more evocative.

Shinji rubbed the back of his head with the hand that wasn't still holding Maya, "That's one interpretation of what we were doing."

"And we ended up with flowers and wooly mammoths?"

"And penguins and no bananas, fungus that cleans up chemical spills, and people coming back three years later the same age as they were. I think the berries that fruit several times a year is just Rei though."

There's a companionable silence while Maya ponders if she wants to know today before she realizes that he's still holding her and while it's not the same through so many layers the sensation is familiar.

"Are you going to let go of me?"

"Do you want me to?"

Maya froze. She expected him to apologize or at least pull away.

"Yes. No."

Despite the layers of warm clothing between them she was comfortable. As long as she didn't think about last time, or the differences between how this felt to how Kodama holding her felt, or beds, or kisses.

Intellectual first. They needed to talk. Kodama's "don't have sex in my bed without me" was not helping right now, especially combined with Ayanami's "or simultaneously". Which was confusing and even less socially acceptable than her own orientation.

She pulled away reluctantly.

---

They are taking the inland route from where Maya came ashore, around one of the almost circular lakes.

"Do you have any other plans for your stay?"

"A trip up to the GeoFront. If I can."

"Make sure you take someone with you, and a first aid kit. The ground can be as treacherous as the memories."

Maya nods. He obviously has experience and while she wants to know, she's not quite ready to open that particular can of probably explosive worms. She'll probably have to put off the visit until she can find someone it's safe to take with her.

---

They paused at the top of a hill, the sea breeze at their backs but Shinji didn't turn to look.

"Do you want to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you?"

"What makes you say that?"

"You said you wanted to talk at the wedding, before Rei made things complicated, and you mentioned secrets and I don't think you meant the one about ending up in a naked cuddle pile."

"You didn't tell anyone?"

"Everyone who needed to know was there."

"Oh."

There's another pause while Maya thinks about what she's ready to ask and what he might be ready to answer. She doesn't know enough for the latter and the former comes from a lot longer list that it had when she'd first wanted to talk.

"I have a lot of questions and almost as many secrets, my own, Nerv's, more of Sempai's than she thought I knew, but I'm not sure how to ask them. I don't want to upset you, or bring up memories you don't want to think about. I also want to know you better, which probably involves a lot of the same questions. So I'm not sure where or even when to start on any of that."

Shinji nods and smiles slightly, "Ask whatever you like, it's unlikely to be as bad as parts of the last month, and if it's something I don't want to talk about I'll tell you."

"I won't ask, but I had a question that might be related so tell me if it's too much."

He nods and waits for her to decide if she's going to ask. He doesn't know what Kodama's told her about, well, anything really. 

"How do you do it? Relationships? There was a lot of speculation about whether you and Asuka were ever going to get over yourselves and date. No one else even seemed to notice you and Rei, which both of you have said I might be the only one to get close to understanding. Now you're living with both of them, and Hikari, and the way Kodama talks about you, you'd think you were as married as her sister wants you to be. You even dated one of the most beautiful women in the country, which is something you both mentioned so I know neither of you were making that part up."

Shinji laughs, "You're asking me for relationship advice? I'm sure you have much more experience there, even Kodama would be a better person to ask."

Maya looks away, "I can't ask her, she's trying to become my first girlfriend."

"First? You're cute and smart, you must have had a lot of requests. I'm neither and it took both Hikari and the rumour that I'd gone on a date with Chihiro to stop people asking once they found out I was a pilot."

"I'm not as intelligent as you think. It took me until university to work out that the reason I hadn't found any boys I liked enough to accept a request for a date was that I liked girls instead. Then it wasn't until I joined Nerv until I found someone I could fall in love with. Even then it took me nearly two years to work up the courage to ask. I was sure she liked women, I'd seen her flirting with an old friend. I was almost certain she liked me, from things she did. I went to her office to ask, the door wasn't locked, she was bent over her desk having sex with a man. I haven't tried since."

"I didn't think I could hate either of them more."

"I'm sorry. I suppose it was obvious who I was talking about."

"Kodama will treat you much better, and if you decide that's not the sort of relationship you want with her, I can introduce you to the Lesbian Matchmaking Network."

Maya turns back to look at him. 

"The sign at the end of the road read 'lo̱rída lesbos' for a while, almost all our neighbours are lesbians, many of them married. They look out for each other, and for us. Thankfully we've never needed the protection group, but the initial housebuilding team has kept going restoring the area, everyone grows something and trades surplus back and forth, and half of them are like a bunch of old grannies about setting the single people up with someone."

Maya blushes, "I like Kodama."

"Good."

She blinks, "Rei said you wouldn't mind. You really don't? You aren't trying to break up with her, are you?"

He shakes his head, "I don't. I. I can't be everything she needs, I can't come close to being everything she wants. So if she's happy with you, that's what matters to me. I'm not going to push her away, I tried that, but stubbornness is a Horaki family trait. But if she decided she wanted a relationship with someone else it would just change some aspects of our friendship."

"Friendship? You don't love her?"

Shinji snorts, "I love Asuka, but I'm very glad she's married to Hikari and not me. As you noticed, I don't have, I can't have simple relationships. I loved Asuka before I understood what that meant, before we became friends, before we had a chance to become friends because that needed more time than we were given. Kodama and I are friends. It was never going to be a simple friendship, we're complicated people, but even if we were to date as Hikari has been trying to get us to do for years, it would just be an aspect of our friendship not a different relationship.

"Sorry, that probably doesn't make sense."

"It does. It matches something Rei said too."

"Do I want to know?"

Maya laughs, "It's not complicated or something difficult to share, or like your love affair with Kodama which is so secret you won't even tell each other."

Shinji groans, "Not you too. There's a reason we didn't say anything to Hikari. What did Rei say to you?"

It's not a secret anymore, but he hasn't had chance to talk to Kodama about it, and while they'd talked about several things in the brief time they'd had, their emotions and the state of their friendship after the last few weeks needed much more time and privacy.

"I know. Kodama complained endlessly about her sister trying to set you two up and make it harder for you to be complicated friends. And Rei just said that she didn't mind if we had sex but we should be friends first."

Shinji looked at her, his face reddening slowly, "I'm sure she didn't say it like that, and I'm starting to regret suggesting you ask Kodama out."

Maya grins, "Too late, she's already corrupting my sense of humour, and reminding me I have one. Rei said if I wanted to have an intellectual, emotional, physical or sexual relationship with you, she recommended that order if I wanted something that lasted. This was after I woke up naked with my arms around you."

"After you moved her bed," Shinji thought out loud.

"Do I want to know?"

"No one but me goes in her room, if Hikari's washing the bedding, Rei brings it out to her."

"Well, you were literally asleep on your feet. Rei passed you to Kodama, hugged me, and asked me to help. If I'd known what would happen next, I'd have found my way back to the room I'd arranged. I'm glad I didn't. I think you were more of a dead weight than the mattress though, I don't know how Kodama managed to get you undressed."

There's a very slight pause, just long enough for Shinji to note that it was Kodama who undressed him not Rei, he'd apparently never thought to ask, and wonder if Maya would reach the obvious, to him anyway, conclusion.

"Oh. Rei knew Kodama had experience doing that and was getting me out of the way so I wouldn't be scared off by seeing you both naked before the Cuddle Pile Field took effect. If she knew that, did she plan for this to happen?"

Shinji shrugs, "It's Rei. She was raised by my father and she loves me. She could have been thinking about it for five minutes or five years. She might tell you if you ask, but you have to listen to the things she doesn't say as much as what she does."

 

---

They are heading back towards the house when Maya thinks of something she should have perhaps asked earlier.

"What did your family say?"

"About what?"

"Me asking to borrow you for a while."

"Hikari was annoyed and asked if Kodama knew I was going on a date with someone who wasn't her. Asuka pointed out that until I admitted I was dating her sister-in-law the only person who might have a say in who I dated was Rei." He paused, obviously if he didn't say anything Maya was going to ask anyway and Rei had said several things, some of which he wasn't going to tell anyone, then kissed him and "Rei told me to remember that I'm good with my hands." There were many layers of meaning to that as well.

"Kodama said the same thing. Do I really want to know?"

"What did Kodama say?"

"She smiled and refused to elaborate."

Shinji smiled and didn't elaborate either.

Maya rolled her eyes.

---

They stood at the end of the street, the conversations having died somewhere in the last few kilometers.

"Do you want me to walk you back?"

Maya shakes her head, "Kodama will be back from class by the time I get there and I expect she'll hug you much harder than I did if she sees you. Which you'd both regret as you're injured somewhere. So I'll see you some other time, we still have a lot to talk about."

He nods, "Kodama's next break isn't until April. I hope you'll be back before then, though you might want to avoid Rei's next two birthdays. That's assuming she decides to have one before the end of March."

"Do I really want to know?"

Shinji smiles, "She usually has five a year, it makes her happy and I don't mind. Sometimes she decides she doesn't want another one just yet and it's going to be another time of the year, never her official birthday though. As for the rest, I'll try to tell you next time."

"Later this week or next month, if Kodama wants me to come back?"

He laughs, "Oh, I can guarantee that."

Maya blushes.

"And you should go, if she's letting you stay with her this long, you don't want to miss a minute."

Maya nods and turns away.

He watches her go. If he and Kodama had to spend a whole month together he was reasonably certain they'd have permanently damaged their friendship by the end of the first week. They had a lot of work ahead of them before they could live together. For once he couldn't blame that thought on either himself or Rei. Well, he could blame Rei, this whole situation was her seeing pieces he couldn't and nudging them in the direction she wanted, or telling him to in ways that would never work for Hikari.

He turned back towards the house. Rei wouldn't tell him what she was doing of course, there wasn't anything he needed to know. He'd just tell her Maya's schedule and let her decide if he'd healed enough before she left.

 

Notes:

lo̱rída lesbos "Lesbian Lane" in incorrect greek. The sign maker is worse than I am and used the latin characters not the greek ones.

Chapter 42: Maya fails to avoid Chihiro, again

Summary:

2021, January 7th

Maya is sitting on the bench by the frozen pond, again. Lost in thought, again.

Thoughts which had included the one that she should probably be at home with Kodama and not freezing her ass off pondering if the ice was thick enough to skate on. Except Kodama was in classes all day, and her feet had brought her back here, and she was freezing her ass because she'd sat down with a thud on the bench after she realized that 'at home with Kodama' had been a perfectly natural part of the flow of her thoughts until she noticed.

"Both huh? If it would help, you could talk to my wife."

Maya startles and looks at the woman who'd just sat on the bench next to her. Being unnerved by beautiful women talking to her better not be becoming a habit. Especially this one.

"Tanaka-san? Sorry, I didn't see you again."

Chihiro waves a hand, "It's still fine, as long as I'm not bothering you enough to upset Shinji."

Maya blinks. Upsetting her was apparently fine. Shinji caring whether she'd be upset was just Shinji, things like that would probably bother him whoever it was.

"Um. Why should I talk to your wife?"

"Well, you could talk to the Horakis, but that's probably not the best idea right now, which I'm guessing you know as you're sitting out here watching ice fail to melt and not in the warm. Megumi's done the 'shit I'm bisexual?!' thing herself, though the other way around and entirely my fault. I'm pretty sure Shinji's done the same, but it's one of those things he definitely doesn't talk about. 

Maya stared at her for a moment, a few more things fitting into her web-of-relationships mental map, "Shit!"

"I take it you know what happened then. He hasn't told me so I won't ask. Being surrounded by beautiful women who have no interest in him isn't just because they are comfortable here and your reaction confirms whatever happened was somewhere around 'my girlfriend blew herself up with a nuclear bomb' on his disaster scale."

"What?"

Chihiro laughs sadly, "This is Shinji 'It's not the end of the world, I can fix that' Ikari. His idea of how bad something is isn't exactly normal."

Maya nods, trying to keep her outward expression as calm as her thoughts were not. Maybe a long time from now she might ask him, but it definitely wouldn't be any time soon. If she was right it was after Rei blew up herself and most of the city.

"So anyway, I always knew I only liked girls. Megumi liked boys and didn't see why I didn't. One day I got annoyed with her and decided 'fine, I'll show you why' and kissed her. Which was apparently very convincing. The next day she showed up on my doorstep in tears. A boy had asked her out and she'd run away. If I hadn't kissed her the day before she'd have said yes. All I wanted to do was hug her and kiss her tears away. But my father was... Nevermind you still don't need to hear it and you've probably encountered the type. So I told him Umi had 'boy problems' which gave us some breathing room."

Chihiro stands, "I know you don't need my life story right now, and you don't know me well enough yet, but both Rei and Shinji trust you and that's a very short list to be on. So if you need to talk to someone who's not involved but does know why Rei has so many birthdays, or if you just want one of Megumi's pies before Rei eats them all, just drop by."

With that, Maya was once again left alone with her thoughts.

 

Chapter 43: Sleepover at Kodama's

Summary:

2021, January 10th

Shinji sits at the kitchen table where he can see Kodama cooking, rather than in the chair by the window where the view is nowhere near as good . She'd insisted it was her turn, but he thought that was as much to show off her cooking skills to Maya as it was to keep him from lifting anything heavier than an empty pan.

They are clearly comfortable around each other, in a way that had taken him two years and four of Kodama's orgasms to achieve. Any remaining delusion that Kodama was his uncomplicated relationship would probably disintegrate under a gentle breeze or a heated look. Kodama was also letting Maya do most of the flirting, except when she couldn't help herself because Maya was almost distressingly cute when she smiled. Which she was doing a lot of as she helped with the meal.

---

"So?" He asked with a smile, "Did she kiss you properly?"

Kodama bursts out laughing. 

Maya looks from one to the other and back, wondering what the in-joke was and feeling a little left out. 

Kodama leans over and kisses him softly, tentatively, exploring gently in a way they hadn't in a while because, during the times they got to have, by the time they got around to kissing more than in greeting or parting, emotions were running much higher. If anything it derailed his brain even faster.

Eventually she stood back up, leaving him feeling content and loved.

"Maya, I did not tell him anything. Shinji, this is my home, you did it in the wrong order."

"But you're the Horaki." He grinned at her, "Unless you're aiming to become an Ibuki."

"Hey!"

"Cute, extremely intelligent, and kisses like that? She definitely out ranks you."

"Now I know why your house has so many throwable cushions," grumbled Kodama.

"Will someone please explain?"

A timer went off.

"I'll tell you all about it over dinner," promised Kodama. Shinji sighed and wondered which version of the story this was going to be.

---

"So," Kodama started, waving a chopstick, "Back when they were Pilots, Asuka decided that she liked Shinji enough to kiss him. But she's what, thirteen? and has no idea what she's doing, and apparently wasn't willing to ask anyone because Asuka at thirteen. So she manages to nearly suffocate him rather than make him enjoy it and runs off to her best friend to complain about how terrible Shinji was at kissing, because, you know, he wasn't able to breathe which makes kissing someone difficult. Asuka being confused and not really understanding the nuances of Japanese mating rituals in the slightest, then asks Hikari if when she said she liked her it was 'the kind of like that comes with kisses'."

Shinji, having not heard that particular detail swallows his laughter before it can interrupt the tale. Asuka would have been far too embarrassed to tell him, but she didn't have any siblings and had probably only thought to make Hikari swear not to tell him. He would have to find an opportunity to tease her about it. Later, when things were better.

"So this is Hikari, social conformist, uptight and considered an anal retentive tyrant by her class mates. I love her, but she could be utterly insufferable sometimes."

"Can be," Shinji mutters an almost inaudible correction, not even marrying Asuka could remove Hikari's ability to be Hikari, she was just more likely to be smiling at the time.

"I take it that didn't go well then? But they must have made up later as they're married now."

Kodama laughs, "My pure as the driven snow little sister responds by snogging Asuka's brains out. Thankfully Dad was working an overnight shift that day and I had chance to air the house out before he got home. If I hadn't found them wrapped around each other, unconscious and wearing nothing but a sheet, I'd swear they didn't get any rest at all."

Shinji, who already knows far more about his best friends' sex life than he ever needed or wanted to, goes back to eating.

"Anyway. Hikari asks Asuka out over breakfast, and they march off to Katsuragi's place with Hikari being a nervous wreck and Asuka trying to pretend she wasn't."

Kodama points her chopstick at Shinji, "And this one, who last saw Asuka as she ran away after kissing him, faced with two nervous teenagers, one of whom he's in love with, turns to Hikari and goes 'Did she at least kiss you properly.'"

Maya giggles, which quickly escalates to laughter.

Kodama waits until she's calmed down, "There's more. You know that trip I told you we took?"

Maya nods, it was one of the more personal things Kodama had told her, and rather in contrast to the previous humorous tale.

"So we get back, and because I'm really not wanting to be alone quite yet, and because I think I need to talk to Rei as even though it's a really bad idea at that point I desperately want to do a lot more than just kiss her Shinji and I think she wouldn't mind but I have to be sure, I go back with him." Kodama's nervousness at the past situation is showing in the way she's waving her chopsticks.

"Shinji disappears for a few minutes and Rei turns to me, and I'm expecting anger or something, but she just tilts her head and studies me like an interesting bug and I'm feeling really small and insignificant in the face of what those two have together, and then she says,

"Did he at least kiss you properly."

Shinji swallows before he can choke on his food.

"I had no idea what to say and it obviously showed, so she follows up with 'Is that not the correct question to ask when someone you love brings home a Horaki?'"

Shinji shakes his head, that's so very Rei.

"So Shinji got it backwards, as I was the one who brought you home with me, and he doesn't love either of us."

Maya reaches out and moves Shinji's plate before he faceplants it, "I've no idea how much of that you made up, but I'm sure the protocol can be extended to include when a Horaki you love brings home someone."

Shinji raises his head, "Kodama liebling, do you need another demonstration?"

Kodama blushes, "Yes, but I want a whole weekend."

Shinji nods, "That'll be easier now I don't have to dodge Hikari, though she's still going to be insufferable."

Maya, who's certain she knows what kind of demonstration and is only somewhat wrong, decides she's not going to ask. She needs all her self control for the possible next thing they do.

---

They are sitting on the bed, as the only place where they can all sit comfortably together. Which is a little awkward given the last time the three of them were on a bed together - a topic which is on all their minds.

"So, um, Maya said something about trying a cuddle pile without Rei, and Rei's cleared me for cuddles as long as no one sleeps on Asuka's side."

"The side she bit?" interrupts Kodama.

"She still sleepwalks?" asks Maya at the same time.

"and we don't do anything that would require a shower before or afterwards," finishes Shinji making sure he gets Rei's instructions out before the conversation gets derailed. Rei had been very clear that she would be the one bathing him and inspecting him while she did so until she decided otherwise. At least she was being far more gentle about it than the explorative AT-Field inspection. He needed not to think about either right now.

He takes Kodama's hand behind Maya's back, twining his fingers between hers and rubbing his thumb across the pad. It's a nervous habit he'd picked up while Kodama had been helping him deal with problems and it served as both a comfort and a signal of mutual awareness. There were things he could tell Kodama, things that he wasn't sure it was safe to tell Maya yet. Neither of them needed the burdens, even if Maya had guessed pieces of it.

"Yes, the side she bit, and gouged lines in with her nails a couple of weeks earlier, which had mostly healed by the time she bit me."

Kodama winces. Shinji was tougher than he looked, and a master of understatement, so that must have been painful and taken a lot more pressure and done a lot more damage than a few lines. Anyone else would probably be laid up, not discussing lying down with two women, one of whom he was dating and the other who was distressingly cute.

"What makes you ask that?" Shinji turns to Maya, but keeps hold of Kodama's hand.

"I overheard the Major talking to Sempai about it, she wasn't quiet and thought it was cute rather than a sign of distress, and the way you said that suggested that she still heads to wherever you are, even when you're asleep. Often enough that you know what side of the bed she'll be on. And she's married now, which would cause the problem that everyone is avoiding talking about whenever I'm near and Kodama came to visit to get away from."

Kodama half smiles in admiration, "I thought you didn't understand people?"

"Interpersonal dynamics. But that doesn't mean I don't pay attention, especially when you're talking about people you care about, and you'd rather give me your sister's commentary on your sex life than why she sent you to visit me."

"That was my fault," sighed Shinji unhappily, "I mean everything is my fault, everything about this situation is my fault, but I also gave Kodama your address as well as the one for the Springs so why she visited you is definitely my fault."

"Give me some credit here Shinji, I could have easily stayed at the Springs for a couple of weeks, and I almost did. But Maya wasn't far and she was definitely cute and even though I knew exactly what you were doing I wanted to find out if there was anything more than wedding exhilaration and Rei. Which there was, and brings us back to the question of who gets to be in the middle as it can't be Shinji."

Maya looks back and forth between them. She had asked for this, but now it might actually happen it was more nerve-wracking than deciding when and how to kiss Kodama. Especially as what she actually wanted was to repeat the experiment as closely as possible, which would require being naked and waking up between them. She definitely wasn't ready for that, because now it came with a lot more thoughts and quite a few contradictory emotions. It would be easier if Kodama was in the middle, obviously she had missed Shinji, and she herself had become comfortable sleeping next to and sometimes on Kodama.

She also had a giant crush on both of them and that really wasn't helping her to be analytical about it. She was more decisive when buildings were falling on her head. That concluded her thoughts, if a building was going to fall on her again or the world end again tomorrow, she was going to get her answers first, at least the ones she could cope with today.

"Me. You two can kiss goodnight over my head and I can find out if that upsets me but I'll be warm while doing so."

"Are you sure?"

"What do you think I should be worried about? That I might wake up with my hand on your chest again? Or with Shinji's erection pressed against my bottom this time?" It was obviously a possibility that had occurred to her, but it would answer one of her many questions and she'd be very comfortable while finding out, even if it was rather awkward for them both.

Shinji glanced at Kodama and shook his head slightly. They both knew it wouldn't be a problem, but he wasn't going to talk about the real reason unless he had to. He needed more conversations with Maya and a lot more time than they'd had in each other's company before it might be relevant. He could blame it on anxiety, not that his body necessarily obeyed his anxiety, sometimes the opposite, and while he was nervous now, especially as he hadn't shared a bed with Kodama in far too long for both of them, he'd been quite the opposite of nervous when he'd woken up last time, and this time probably wouldn't be any different. 

"That might not happen Maya, it doesn't always happen with Kodama when we're comfortable and you know how beautiful she is." 

That wasn't technically incorrect, and standing in the hallway holding her carefully with her pressed against him just enough they could both feel it and her sister likely to interrupt them at any moment did not qualify as comfortable. Thankfully none of the angels Asuka had fought had external genitalia and her knee had missed when they hit the ground. Nor had Kodama done anything other than whisper in his ear what she was thinking of.

"Even if you're finding out if you like her boobs better than mine? Because your hands sometimes roam in your sleep and the only complaint I have about that is that it took so long for you to do it on purpose!"

Maya is blushing and trying to work out if she should object or insist or just listen to them bantering. She settled on listening, before her imagination could make her do something she was going to keep telling herself she wasn't ready for until she listened. More importantly she was learning about them both as she watched their interactions.

Shinji isn't sure if she was teasing him or being insecure about her body again. It was possibly both, which left him uncertain how to respond in front of Maya. They were obviously, to him anyway, far closer than he'd expected and while he was happy to see it, it didn't mean Kodama had talked about all her problems. A quiet conversation by the door with the possibility of her sister listening in, or, almost as bad, making annoyingly cute happy noises when they kissed goodbye, was not enough for them to catch up on the last few weeks. 

"Unless you know something I don't or she's wearing more protective padding than Asuka currently is, she doesn't seem much different than Rei and you know that's never stopped me admiring you, Ibi-chan."

Kodama's facial expression passes through several looks as she follows that, ending in a blush.

"Fool."

Maya attempted to work out how Shinji got from 'Horaki Kodama' to 'Ibi-chan' but got distracted when Kodama leaned across her to kiss him. This time she could see a lot more than the back of Kodama's head. Which answered a different question. Watching the two people she had a crush on kissing was definitely not a problem. Kodama seemed to have gotten a little carried away again, which was interesting to watch from the outside and also not a problem. 

That they'd both put their hands down for support should not have been a problem, that they each had a hand on the nearest of her thighs, not the problem it should have been. A little more weight would become uncomfortable if she wasn't so distracted watching them.

Kodama squeezing gently may have been meant to be reassuring that she hadn't been forgotten, or it may have been coincidental, but it was definitely making her think things she was a long way from ready for. Mental before physical she reminded herself, and a long walk filled with thought and conversation did not get more than a cuddle experiment. She knew she was making excuses, that just because she did have an intellectual curiosity about this didn't mean her emotions and desire for the physical contact wasn't at least as large a contributor.

Their lips parted and she resisted the impulse to take over. That she was indecisive as to which one of them to take over from confirmed another item on her list, and that it would have to wait until some future visit if she was to manage to cope with this. She needed time to think and feel her way through and decide what she actually wanted.

---

"Before we do anything else, I need to take a look at you. Not that I don't trust Rei's assessment, but she's probably plotting again."

"I'm fine."

"And still a bad liar. I need to know what parts of you are safe to touch, because I am going to touch you."

With that she got up and knelt in front of him, a position that gave them both the same idea, before reaching out and starting to unbutton his shirt slowly and carefully.

Maya's imagination was getting ahead of her as she watched her friend unfasten his belt and pants to gently tug the shirt out. Which came to an abrupt halt as Kodama stood and slipped the shirt off his shoulders.

"She took the stitches out already?"

"Yes, and threatened worse than biting me herself if I did anything that would require her to put them back."

"Do I want to know what happened?"

"Asuka."

Kodama sighs, "She got that much."

He turns towards Maya, giving her a better look at the extensive bruising. "I don't know if you had chance to see them. Ten white Evas with wings descending. She was amazing, in her element, all graceful fury as she took them out. Then they got back up again. They had S2s and spears. They tore her apart. I did something that made her think I was one of them. This was less than I deserved."

"I won't remind you that neither of you deserved this," Kodama responded while doing exactly that, "I know you won't listen to me this time either." She watched his face for a reaction as she ran her fingertips lightly over his skin but there was no reaction other than his eyes dilating until she touched a spot over his ribs.

"That one isn't just Asuka," he said with a grimace. He'd been reconstructed from molecular soup several times but his body still remembered the damage done by the Angel of Body Snatching (even Asuka hadn't been able to come up with a decent name), that the cracked rib was where Asuka held on to him so tightly during her nightmares was coincidental and irrelevant. 

"It's an old injury, it just has two layers of bruises. I'll be fine as long as you don't hold me too tightly."

Kodama sighs and looks over at Maya, "Believe it or not, he looks a lot better than the last time I saw him. You can see what sort of foolishness I have to put up with."

She rounds on Shinji, "And don't you dare say I don't have to. You made it very clear I get to make my own choices. This is one of them. And Maya deserves to see what she might be getting into before she loves you as much as I do."

---

Maya returned from the bathroom dressed in her comfortable pajamas. She'd compromised between packing the conservative white ones and nothing at all and chosen the blue ones with black and white paw prints on the theory that if she ended up sleeping alone at least she'd be comfortable and if she didn't there was a chance Kodama would think they were cute not seductive.

She wasn't certain if she should have not bothered wearing anything or have canceled this whole idea.

Kodama was sitting cross-legged on the bed wearing just her panties and running her fingers along Shinji's bare legs inspecting the worst of the fading bruises.

"Am I interrupting?"

Kodama lifts her head to look over, "No, but I may die of cuteness overload."

Maya smiles with a faint blush, at least she'd got one thing right.

"You seem closer, did something happen? Other than what I can see that is. I don't think I've ever heard you use pet names when talking about, or to, each other before."

Kodama put her hand on his back gently, "Don't you move, I'm still deciding if I'm going to let you stay."

"Rei happened. When Asuka called him my boyfriend, I objected because the relationship we have doesn't fit that label unless you are as literal as Rei. Rei looked at me and said 'I will inform him otherwise' then proceeded to tell everyone how many times she considered us having gone on a date and which times we've shared a bed counted as sex. Then she pulled out one of her ridiculous terms of affection for him and we haven't had chance to talk about it since."

"Is that my fault?"

Shinji lifted his head, "Everything is my fault, except the elephants. I'm only here because you asked, I am not going to interfere with your time together and I know you have to go home soon."

Kodama reaches over and ruffles his hair, "You know very well I'm quite capable of messing things up without you. I got the German, it's what my sister-in-law uses for her wife, but Ibi-chan? Seriously?"

Shinji rolled onto his side so he could see Kodama, "You liked it, it doesn't involve my internal organs and Maya still hasn't worked it out."

Kodama looked back with an expression of affection and exasperation, "I did warn you she's comfortable to be around. If you're not careful, you'll end up telling her your darkest secrets not just being ridiculous."

"Oh, she knows those, it's the ones involving other people that she wasn't there for that I've kept."

"Are you trying to make me send you home?"

"No. Sorry." He turns his head away so he can't see her, "She was there for things I haven't even been able to tell you about and she's probably just worked out what that is. Sorry. I'm spoiling your time. I'll..."

"Sit up so you can see how cute Maya is and I can hug you now I know where I should avoid."

---

Maya sat carefully on the bed behind him after making sure he could see her as she moved slowly past. Not that she wanted him looking at her but to make sure she didn't give him another source of distress. She'd meant this to be a comfortable if probably awkward evening. "The memories can be as dangerous as the footing," he'd been talking about the GeoFront but she felt like she was on unstable ground.

She wanted to comfort him, instead she studied his back. The bruises were darker and different shapes and she briefly wondered if the ones inflicted by Asuka somehow healed faster than the ones that looked like they were from hitting the ground and other things. That didn't make much sense, but she'd seen much stranger things when it came to the Children. The young man in front of her was far from a child even if he was still to close to being a Child than anyone wanted or deserved. It did however give her a thought.

"Shinji? Were you the one carrying lunch?" She asked calmly, not expecting a response, then reached out and traced a finger around the outside of one of the darker bruises, "This one looks like the edge of a bento. I hope it wasn't ruined, even the Major liked your cooking and I don't think she had any tastebuds left." She skimmed her fingers across another which was broader and more irregular, "This one looks like you hit a rock and dislodged it, or perhaps you slid after you hit the ground. There's a slight line where the edge was. I've seen you in worse condition but I wish you'd never had to go through that. This will remind me to be extra careful if I decide to go up there. I don't want to cause Kodama to worry about both of us."

Seeing the tension slowly ease out of his posture, she kept going. She pushed aside the thought that one of the worse conditions she'd seen him in had also included him being naked as he fell out of the entry plug. After the final attempt at extraction had failed, she'd sat there staring at the screens not knowing what to do next.

"You probably can't see them, but Rei's stitches were very neat, I can barely see where they were taken out. I should thank her for the flowers too. Kodama and I had a picnic date on the hill where she probably got them."

His skin grew warm under her fingers. Warmer. Warmer than it should be. 

"Ikari-kun do you require assistance? Kodama, could you fetch some cold water?"

Kodama's arms slid around him. She could see the skin pressing under her hands, she knew how firm Kodama's hands could be, but despite her words earlier she seemed to be paying no attention to where she was touching him, even when her hands crossed the spot she'd seen him point out as somewhere to avoid. Her own hand was still on his back and he didn't even flinch. She pulled away as Kodama's hands came up his back. What the connection between picnics and volcanos was she had no idea, but memories and word association could be strange and it might be something else entirely that she hadn't been there for. Kodama had clearly dealt with this before given how quiet and confident her actions had been.

---

"What were you doing?" Kodama asked after hearing the bathroom door close.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset him, or you."

"Not that, it happens, and that wasn't a bad one. Before, the way you were talking to him."

"Did you know there was a list of people to notify him about if they returned?"

Kodama frowns slightly, "No, but that sounds like something he would do, I wouldn't be on it so it probably never came up. What does that have to do with what you were doing?"

Maya smiles, "You were, but so he could tell Hikari, not because you were Hikari's hot older sister. So was I, because during all the chaos surrounding an attack, he found my voice calming and he wanted to know I was taken care of if I came back. So that was my Captain Ibuki on Comms voice, but I definitely didn't touch him, at all."

"You seemed to be enjoying yourself doing so just now," teased Kodama in a lighter tone.

Maya looks down.

"Hey, I don't mind. Really. Just because I have issues, doesn't mean you can't have all the wild sex you want in his bed, or in mine if we're all there."

Maya looks up, eyes wide.

Kodama laughs, "I don't mean now. I know you both better than that and Rei's expecting me to look after him and return him in no more pieces than he arrived in. We'll put on clothing to cuddle now I know I don't have to send him home."

"Um. Can you wait until he gets back?"

Kodama lay down and stretched out next to her, "You can touch me wherever you like too."

"Kodama!"

Despite her protests, Maya did not look away.

---

After quite a few reassurances, some of which were actually believed, two other trips to the bathroom and more clothing than either of the women actually wanted, they had settled down together. The worst of Shinji's bruises was pressed against the bed, leaving one arm wrapped around Maya from below and the injured one stretched across her to hold Kodama who was currently facing him. It was a little less comfortable than holding her hand, but when they did that their hands would have rested either on Maya's chest, or her hip where they'd ended up briefly until Maya had made a cute little noise before asking them to move.

It hadn't helped that all three of them had been thinking about where the hands would end up if Maya rolled over, even if Kodama's were by far the most detailed. They all pushed the thoughts aside without saying anything to the others, though Shinji had the hardest time. He hadn't really been that awake last time until just before Maya had gotten up, and now her back was pressed against him and she was warm and fit comfortably where she was. Not at all the way Kodama fit there, and differently shaped than Rei in a way he'd have to be a lot more familiar with to describe the similarities and differences.

Instead of thinking too much about that, he was watching Kodama who was currently looking down at Maya rather than him. Of course he could, and had, done that for hours, sometimes in this same bed while she slept and he didn't. At the moment though, he was trying to work out what her expressions meant. There was a little of how she looked at her sisters when they weren't looking, some of how she looked at him when he was, a not so little of how she looked when she was the one pinning him to the bed just before she kissed him, a large part of the look she got just before she fell asleep in his arms, and something he didn't recognize.

He smiled, mirroring the portion of Kodama's expression that indicated contentment. Probably not the normal reaction of someone watching their girlfriend-once-they'd-had-chance-to-talk-out-of-Hikari's-hearing looking at someone else in a combination of lust and affection, but he was happy for them both. Admittedly he was happier after Kodama had made it clear that so far nothing had changed between them. Though if looked like it was going to take them two years to admit how they felt about each other, he was going to have words, possibly actual verbal ones with Rei however much she laughed at him about it.

---

"I think she's asleep. Are you still alright there my darling fool?"

Shinji snorts softly, "Don't you start! And I'm fine. For Rei not glaring at me levels of fine. Which I won't be if you keep looking at me like that."

"Like what?" Kodama asks innocently.

"You know very well what I mean, and that it's not going to happen until we're alone and there's room on me for more bruises."

"Like that is it?"

"Only if Maya is alright with it, I don't want to come between you."

"I don't mind. Between, around, inside."

Kodama untangles her hand from Shinji's and lifts it to shake Maya's shoulder.

"Wake up. You're dreaming Maya."

"Did I kiss you again?"

"You were propositioning Shinji."

Maya buries her face in Kodama. 

Kodama strokes her hair, "It's alright. He's not going to take it seriously unless you do it while you're awake."

Maya lifts her head, "Can you pass me my notepad?"

"You'll have to let go, Shinji can't reach it without rolling over in a way he's not allowed to."

---

Maya sighs, "Will you two just kiss again already? This is going to take a while longer and I can't write while you're cuddling me and you holding back is distracting."

Shinji looked down at the notepad rather than Kodama who was licking her lips at him.

It was covered in a complex combination of kanji, maths, diagrams and some custom notation he didn't recognize.

"You need either a thirty-two or thirty-seven degree rotation here," he pointed at part of one of the diagrams, "You can check with Rei which if you need to know."

"Thanks." She made a notation on the diagram, scribbled something in the small amount of margin that was all the space left and tossed the notepad at the bedside table.

"That was a very short while," Kodama observed.

"I'll do the rest on the train tomorrow now I have the right insertion angle."

Kodama laughed.

"I did not mean it like that!"

---

Maya woke slowly. She could feel the increasingly familiar shape of Kodama's breast under her hand, the nipple pressing into her palm firmer than the surrounding flesh. It came with the completely unfamiliar sensation of a hand over hers, fingers pressed between her own to reach the skin below. Which is perhaps why it took a little longer for her to register that the fabric of the shirt her friend had put on was on the back of her arm, not below it and the arm attached to the hand came with a body pressed warmly against her back.

Now that her awareness had expanded that far, she realized she was pinned in place. Her head was, for once, level with Kodama's on the pillow. Her leg was across her bare stomach, unable to move much because she needed to restore more flexibility than she had to move one way and there was a thigh pressed supportively against the back of her leg. This left her legs parted over Kodama's hip in what would be a good angle for penetration.

She'd done her research of course. Preparing for something that probably wouldn't happen and no one was ready for had been her job for several years, it was a comfortable mindset to slip back into. Just as then, she definitely wasn't ready for it actually happening, and hadn't imagined the position she'd end up in. Quite a few others, but not this one.

She wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed. There was nothing pressing between her legs or buttocks. Pressing against them in a way that was unfamiliar and comfortable but not arousing. Several questions answered then, but not that particular one. Her curiosity would have to remain unsatisfied for now. She hoped the circumstances required were something she could meet - Kodama had indicated that she hadn't managed it when she could act on it. She'd talked around it, but it was clear her friend wanted him like that, but also that it was possible, so it didn't require emersion in LCL or some other requirement she couldn't supply.

If she opened her eyes she could see what the arrangements of bodies actually was, because she was reasonably sure there was at least an arm she couldn't account for based on physical sensations at all. But with Kodama's head right there it meant either her lips or her nape would be in range, and if not, the curve of her beautiful neck. She might kiss her until she woke, and as tempting as that was right now, moving would also mean either not being so deliciously comfortable or the warm slow breath on her shoulder would flow across her own nape and she might be ready for the kissing, but she wasn't ready for anything else.

She slipped back into slumber as the comfort got the better of her thoughts.

---

Maya woke a second time. She was already getting far too used to this, it was going to make going home difficult. More difficult. She ignored the thought that said her other home. She was a failure as a lesbian but she wasn't going to be that sort of failure.

She still had warm comfortable bodies either side of her. Who were definitely asleep, because at least one of them would have moved a hand off her breast by now. Or kissed over her head again. Their arms were crossed, each of them holding her from the other side. She could locate all the limbs this time, because the fingers of their other hands were entwined under the small of her back. Which was very slightly uncomfortable, unlike everything else. At least his hand was on the outside. 

She pointed her toes, stretching her calf muscles, not that they needed it, but the muscle tension indicated she was not actually a puddle of warmth and contentment. That done she raised the hand that wasn't pinned under Kodama and carefully lifted and moved Shinji's hand to her side. It would save them both embarrassment later. He didn't wake, but did pull her lightly towards him, a movement that caused his nose to nuzzle into her hair.

This time it was a lot longer before she drifted off again.

---

---

Maya sat down on her own empty bed. Her suitcase sat next to her, the food that Shinji had made for her after breakfast and before he left was safely in the fridge. The package of work that had been resting on her doorstep was on her desk. She had plenty to occupy her thoughts.

The train had been five minutes later than the schedule claimed, but it had arrived. Which was probably a good thing. She'd spent the five minutes wrapped in Kodama's arms in what was meant to be a brief goodbye hug. The goodbye kiss had been shorter.

She sighed. She needed a shower to wash off the travel grime and spend a while with the pulse setting. She had a while yet until the house warmed up enough for her to be comfortable afterwards. She should unpack. She should eat.

Instead she was mentally running through her schedule, working out what she could rearrange. Kodama wouldn't have a break until April and while she needed time to herself to think things through, she did know she didn't want to wait that long. Which meant going there.

She laughed at herself. Shinji had told her the reason he wanted to know she was alright was because she sounded so calm. She hadn't been then and she definitely wasn't now. At least she was frightened for a better reason.

 

Notes:

Uninspired on the chapter titles at the moment (suggestions welcome), but you're getting the content.

Chapter 44: Sleeping Arrangements

Summary:

2021, January, sometime in the next week

"I'm sleeping with Shinji tonight."

Asuka and Shinji looked at Hikari in alarm. Rei continued eating as if nothing particular was happening.

"Rei does it almost as often as she sleeps in her own bed. Asuka's tried to do it again. My sister's apparently managed to do so dozens of times! Even Miss Ibuki managed it before she left! I do know there's nowhere else to sleep in Kodama's apartment even if neither of you had bothered to tell me about that either. I want to see what it's like."

Asuka and Shinji are still staring at her, uncertain as to what to say when Hikari finishes her next mouthful of food.

"And stop looking at me like that, I'm not planning to do anything Asuka hasn't done." She glares at Asuka, "In fact it will certainly be considerably less."

"I don't," started Asuka.

"Well you'll have to. No Rei either. I'm sure she can manage without cuddles for one night. You get to wake up by yourself like I had to."

Asuka lowers her head, "Hai."

Hikari finished her dinner in silence. She was upset with everyone and that included herself. It was perfectly reasonable that she hadn't noticed who, other than Shinji, her sister had danced with at her wedding. It had been her wedding, she had been almost entirely focused on her wife once Shinji got them both there without anyone turning into a complete nervous wreck. Her wife, who'd known Shinji was visiting her sister for dinner and not told her. That her wife had been right to do so was part of why she was upset with her.

Kodama had agreed to her winter vacation far too easily, but she'd been far more concerned about the mess at home and whether she'd still have a marriage left by the end of the year to notice. Rei, who'd been monopolizing Shinji since his night not having sex with her sister, had known a lot more and not told anyone. How much more was Rei's fault she wasn't sure yet. She hadn't had the courage to ask. You didn't ask Rei things you weren't sure you wanted the answers to. Maybe she should anyway.

But she was married to a woman, lived on a street full of women who were either married to or dating other women and it hadn't occurred to her that her sister, who she knew liked women at least as much as men, might actually want a girlfriend. Rather than having her little sister pushing the man who caused her not to be pregnant at her. She'd fucked up. Not Asuka kissing Shinji while naked in his bed levels of fucked up, but still. 

Asuka had been the one to add Ibuki to the wedding list, for reasons she had not clearly articulated but insisted had nothing to do with Kodama. So that hadn't been either Shinji or Rei, but it seemed like both of them had done a far better job than she had at getting her sister a date. Far more than just a date, but she wasn't going to ask how much further. At least not until after she'd locked Shinji and Kodama in a room until they worked out what they were actually doing and then told her. Themselves. Not her own guesses or Rei's declaration.

Just because she was upset, that didn't mean she was acting on impulse. In their frustratingly brief conversation, Kodama had been very clear that on the times she'd managed to persuade Shinji to stay, it was the peaceful sleep she valued the most. After the last month she needed a lot more of that, and, unlike apparently for her sister, there would be nothing sexual about sleeping with her friend.

Kodama would probably have warned her not to do this. Not because of the risk of any sort of relationship destroying behavior on either side, or because of how awkward it would probably be, but the other thing, the reason Rei barely left his side for days on end, or vanished for a few days without warning or explanation. Or, when it came to it, the reason Asuka left bruises on his side not hers, and neither of them noticed.

Her sister had been very definite and clear she wasn't dating Shinji, whatever Rei said her sister hadn't been lying. Clearly something had happened between them, other than the obvious, but it was something dark and ominous, she'd seen the look in Shinji's eyes, and her sister's attempt to distract her from it. She'd also followed Rei's contented gaze, the not quite smile, and seen them kissing, their fingers twined together but otherwise only their lips touching. There hadn't been any signs of passion, just a tenderness that was the antithesis of what she'd seen earlier. Maybe they were both right, and dating was far too simple a word for whatever was going on.

Why was she doing this again? She knew what sleeping with Shinji was like, she'd fallen asleep on him after Bad Movie Night turned into Boring Movie Night, or when Asuka took longer than usual to replenish the snacks during intermission. She had shared a bed with an even older Shinji, four children already grown. The memory of something that hadn't happened gnawed at the edge of her mind. 

Was she that annoyed with Asuka? Was she trying to prove something? If so, what? It wasn't as if she had any doubts about how much she loved Asuka, or that she could live without her, or that Shinji would be there for her if she needed him.

Maybe it was that last. She had seen the cracks forming. He had Rei and Kodama and she wasn't going to start thinking about what was going on with Miss Ibuki right now. He had Asuka, in ways she couldn't understand and was afraid to find out. Obviously they loved each other, that was never a question, and it didn't mean Asuka loved her less or would leave her for him, whatever recent disasters might suggest to someone who didn't know them. Maybe that was it, she wasn't sure she did know him. There were certainly things he wasn't telling anyone, perhaps even Rei.

What was she trying to prove? That she'd be there for Shinji if he needed her? Apparently her sister was, but not all the times he needed, that much was obvious. That Asuka could manage without her? Actually she wasn't sure about that. The bonds of marriage weren't supposed to be literal, but again last night she'd been woken by Asuka crawling back into bed and crying in her arms and this morning she'd wrapped protective bandages around her bruised ankle.

Why was Asuka drawn to him in her sleep? It wasn't for sex, they'd had plenty of opportunities for that, and it failing to happen hadn't stopped Asuka's sleepwalking. It wasn't something Asuka understood either, or it would have come out in sobs sometime in the last few weeks even if it hadn't one of the times before it became such a mess.

If she was going to get an answer to any of it, she was going to have to go through with it to find out.

She sighed and stood up, grabbing her plate, which was the only thing left on the table. The others had already cleared everything away and left her to her thoughts. For all she was trying to encourage them to use words, she'd effectively shut down any discussion of her own actions. This was harder than it looked and she only had issues, not volumes, to work through.

She put her plate down in reach of Shinji's hand so he could wash it, she'd do the drying in a moment. Instead she leaned against him in a silent apology, stealing a moment's comfort before dealing with the consequences of her decision.

---

When Hikari went to their room to pick up something to wear, Asuka was sitting on the edge of the bed thinking. At least it looked that way to Hikari when she turned back from the drawer with a pair of soft pajamas covered in penguins in her hand. It was still cold, even if Shinji was warm, and if she was going to be comfortable she needed to be wearing something comfortable.

Asuka looked up at her, "You can leave those here."

Hikari blinked, Asuka could not possibly mean what it sounded like. They'd had a lot of problems after Asuka had been naked in his bed, some of which still weren't really resolved because of all the other things that had happened, she wasn't going to add to them. Well, more than she was about to anyway. She wasn't sure if it was her irritation, her stubbornness or her need to know that was keeping her so determined to go through with it. Besides in addition to everything else, she really did want to know what sleeping next to the real Shinji felt like.

"You want him to touch me?"

"No. Yes."

"Asuka?"

"You starting out not wearing anything is different than him putting his hands under your top, or you undressing."

"‽" Technically that was unpronounceable but Hikari couldn't form the question and something came out of her mouth.

"Skin contact. When something is bothering Rei she sleeps with him in just her knickers. When I. When I did, that's what helped. If you could get either of them to admit it, I bet your sister slept as naked as he'd let her. Anyway, he's touched you before and nothing happened."

"What do you mean?"

"Before the wedding. Did you forget that I know you got the Shinji Spa treatment as well? It's likely one of the few times he's seen you completely naked."

Hikari nods.

"So he's touched you almost everywhere," there's a note of hope, fear, accusation in the 'almost'.

Hikari smiles slightly, "He threatened to shave my pubic hair off if I tried to make him wash it. Then he dumped cold water on my head."

Asuka snorts, "I'm sure you deserved it."

"I was being insecure at him, I deserved much worse."

Asuka smiles, "You too? I didn't get the cold water though, probably because he'd just finished washing my hair when I had my moment."

There was a pause before Asuka interrupted Hikari before she could say anything, "So... he's already touched you, nothing happened, it does make a difference, and I'm never going to do it again. That doesn't mean you shouldn't."

Asuka twisted the soft padded ankle strap that Rei had given her for New Year in her hands. There was a matching set of wrist and ankle restraints that she'd given Hikari for a completely different use. She hadn't known how Rei had known and she definitely hadn't asked.

---

Hikari was sitting on the bed with her pajamas in her lap trying to decide if she should put them on as she wanted or follow her wife's instructions. She was going to upset someone whatever she did, including herself. In a different lifetime she could have been the one who ended up with him. In a different lifetime she had. In this one she didn't love him the way her sister was still trying to deny she did. 

"Are you sure about this?"

"Not entirely, but I'm stubborn and curious."

"You could just make her sleep on the couch."

"I could. I could relent and go to my own bed. Which is probably more comfortable because you did get us a very nice bed."

"I don't like being used to torment her."

"You didn't say no."

"I wanted to talk to you. It's one thing to make her squirm for a few minutes. Staying means you will do something Asuka hasn't done, unless you're going to sleep on the floor."

"I want the famous Shinji sleep cuddles, so that's not happening."

"Famous?"

"I talked to onee-chan. Best sleep she's ever had. I watched you and Asuka for hours. I'm still angry and hurt when I think about it, but she looked so peaceful. I was so certain you'd had sex because she only looks like that afterwards when she falls asleep, before she starts dreaming. She was gouging furrows in your shoulder, but her face was peaceful. I promise not to do that bit."

"But."

"But Rei's next door, I'm not Asuka and I'm quite aware you get erections around me even if it's because you're thinking of my sister. My wife? Rei? Megumi? Misato?!" She's watching him as she escalates but he doesn't give anything away.

"Anyway, I'm quite aware that there's a good chance I'll feel it at some point. I'd like to see it too as I've never seen one, not even then, but that's only if you're willing . I'm not going to do anything, you know that. Unlike some people, I'm not capable of that level of messing everything up. So not today, unless it's by accident, but maybe if we get that hot springs trip that apparently we've been invited on."

"You said you could describe Kodama's technique, which you could completely make up and I wouldn't know." 

That wasn't completely inaccurate, Kodama had whispered some very explicit details of what she had in mind, but he picked on the one part of what Hikari had said that seemed safest to respond to. Safest but definitely not safe. He wasn't sure why she was trying to do this, and while she was the most stubborn of the Horakis, she was the one who insisted they needed to talk to each other, so he'd let her explain. After the things he'd told them, she'd have worked out some of the limitations of his relationship with Kodama, so it wasn't as if he was telling her something she didn't know. She'd probably be planning on how to arrange it if he didn't distract her though.

Hikari looked away, "I don't either. I didn't actually watch. I saw she had a boy in her room that's all. I didn't like the boys she was friends with and didn't want to see. I don't want to see you either when I drag her over for a sleepover next week."

"Four Children?" he teases, ignoring the last comment.

Hikari blushes, "You would remember that. I told Asuka. I remember being pregnant, which I don't know how accurate that could have been. Giving birth was more painful than being shot, it lasted a lot longer too. I don't remember getting pregnant. Kisses. Cuddles. No sex at all."

"Strange the things we remember that didn't happen and don't remember things that did."

"You going to be weird on me again?"

"What? No. Just thinking. If you want to stay, I have two requests."

"Which are?"

"I'm going to check with Asuka that she really is alright with this. I'll accept uncomfortable. I won't accept tormented."

Hikari nods, "What's the other one?"

"Unless it's a matter of live or death, please do not let Nozomi know this happened. She takes after her sisters in more than just her looks, and she'd be relentless if she thought she had an excuse."

Hikari laughs, "Poor you. I have no intention of letting anyone outside the house know, it's none of their business, unless you need to tell Kodama before you sleep with her again. And don't say you won't, even if it's just to sleep until we can work out something where I don't have to hear you."

Shinji nods, there was no need to deny anything anymore and Hikari had been surprisingly reasonable about the whole thing, so far anyway. "I do, and I probably need to warn her about Nozomi too, but let me do it. I need to make sure she doesn't think it is anything other than it is."

Hikari nods, "Go see Asuka, I'll get changed while you do that."

---

"What did she say?" Hikari was sitting on the edge of the bed, nervously fidgeting with the buttons on her pajamas still trying to decide what she was going to do. At the moment he'd walked back in the top was open enough it would be clear to him she wasn't wearing anything underneath. This was probably going to provide more fodder for the nightmares she'd had about having someone in the bed with her and Asuka that had returned after she'd learned about Ibuki, but she was being too stubborn for her own good. That she was aware of this was not helping.

"She hates me. She hates you. She wants waffles and eggs for breakfast."

Hikari snorts, "She's fine then. Do we have enough flour?"

"Yes, at least for her."

"How do we do this?"

It took some maneuvering, but eventually they settled.

"This is strange. I wouldn't have thought the height difference would change things so much. Your heartbeat sounds different too."

"Am I going to get a commentary all night or are we actually going to sleep?"

Hikari stretches up and kisses his cheek. "There. Done that part, now we can sleep."

Shinji smiled and stroked her hair slowly. Asuka had given him clear instructions about exactly how to do that if Hikari was going to have a relaxing night.

Hikari snugged against him. This was definitely more comfortable than the couch between movies, or a giggling pile of cushions, but his hip was the wrong shape against her leg and his arm was just a little too long. He was definitely warmer than Asuka though and she wondered if she should have followed Asuka's instructions more closely as she dozed off.

---

Asuka woke with a start as a hand clamped firmly over her mouth.

A moment later she relaxed as lips kissed her left breast, followed by the rest of Hikari's mouth. She couldn't fit the whole thing in, but that didn't stop her trying occasionally.

She pulled Hikari's hand away, "What?" Then her mouth was covered by hungry, urgent, Hikari kisses.

"What's gotten into you?" She managed when Hikari came up for air.

"Fingers? Please?" Hikari grabbed her wrist and pulled it down between her legs.

"You're practically dry."

"Not for long. Please." Hikari kissed her again, fingers running through her hair as she held her in place.

It was barely a minute before Hikari was lying on her stretched out as if trying to be as tall as she was, her head on one breast, her hand on the other, fingers stroking little circles, toes pointed at the foot of the bed.

"I missed your boobs."

"Hikari, it's only been a few hours since you kissed them goodnight."

"I woke up and I was really comfortable and relaxed until I noticed there was nothing soft under my hand. I was lying like this before you say something dumb."

"They'll still be here when you get back."

"I'm not going anywhere until breakfast."

"You're going back to finish your experience and my punishment. You only get to come back here before I get up if he carries you."

"I don't need to experience that again."

"Sober and naked?"

"I'm not!"

Asuka kisses the top of her head, "It's not punishment if I don't have to..."

Hikari pushes herself up on her elbows and glares at Asuka, then she holds her hands apart in front of Asuka's face.

"What?"

"He's definitely bigger than you described Toji. I'm shorter than you are. If I went back and lay back down the way you were, with how wet you just made me, he'd slip right in." She stared at Asuka, "And I am not willing to make a mess of my friendship with him, my relationship with you, with my sister, with Rei, just because you feel like you've not been punished enough."

"What if it wasn't?" whispered Asuka, forcing herself not to look away. "What if you wanted to? What if it would make you happy? Content. Comfortable. You. You could enjoy getting pregnant this time. You know he'd be good to you, you convinced both your sisters of that."

"Asuka, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on. I was asleep for an hour and you already have me having Shinji's children, apparently along with both my sisters."

Asuka presses her head back into the pillow and closes her eyes, "Three. I told you. Hold me?"

Hikari rolls off her and pulls her into her arms, "Mine. My Asuka. Now what is it?"

"I peeked. I couldn't sleep. You were talking for a while then it got quiet. I know I was supposed to stay here. I was worried. About him, I knew you would be alright, whatever you decided to do I would accept. Just something wasn't right and I needed to see. If. If you'd been making love," Asuka pauses to kiss the nearest part of Hikari, "and it would be that if you were. Your sister is going to get nailed to the bed, but that's not the way he loves you. If that's what you were doing, I'd have closed the door and come back here and masturbated to the expression on your face. But you were asleep, and I've seen you look more comfortable half falling off the couch with one foot in my lap and your head not hitting the floor because Rei's leg was in the way. I spent an hour after you woke up massaging your twisted muscles."

Asuka pauses to snuggle even closer against Hikari.

"If you'd been having sex, I'd have been hurt and angry and there might have been some yelling later. Alright a lot of yelling after I got back. Because I'd have cried myself to sleep, and in the morning I'd go out to file divorce papers because I can't share you with someone better than me and I wont let you go for someone who isn't, and while I was out I would start gathering materials for the nursery because I will help raise your children. But I wouldn't have been disappointed. You told me how comfortable I looked, and you were right, sometimes it was the only thing that let me calm enough he could bring me back to you. You should have that. You deserve it far more than I do."

Hikari lets out a long sigh, "Did it occur to your convoluted mind that I do have that? Right here. With you."

"But I've seen you be comfortable with him. Pillow fights. Between movies when I'm getting more snacks."

"That's not it."

"Not what?"

"What's actually bothering you."

Asuka sighs, "Before one of the fights, Misato pointed out that the pilots were supposed to have a Will. Of course I didn't think I needed one. I was never going to lose. And the Invincible Shinji-sama obviously wasn't either. He always survived. Then he really nearly didn't, even Misato had given up. So I made one. It didn't matter. You died first."

"Are you ill?"

"No," stridently, then a lot softer, "no. But if I was, if something happened to me as it almost did several times before I died." She pauses again, her eyes closed, "He's the closest person to you other than me. I wanted, needed, to know that you could go to him for comfort."

"Neither I nor Major Katsuragi are good role models."

Asuka opens her eyes. 

"My darling wife, sex is not the only way to provide comfort, whatever I demanded from you earlier. I need it from you. Every time I saw you might have been the last. I needed to feel everything, and it felt like the only way I was special to you, the only way to reach you through your walls. It's not now, most of the time, but I still get scared. It's never been like that with him. Even in the dreams where we were the ones married, it was comfortable but I never even saw him naked, not even a shared bath like he takes with Rei."

"I still haven't, so you know, and if something did happen to you, we would comfort each other, but it wouldn't involve nudity unless he had to bathe me in my despair or any form of sex. He doesn't love me the way you do. We might have commemorative pillow fights on your grave though."

Hikari kisses her softly, "Until then, I still expect all the snuggling you have time for and all the sex you have energy for."

Asuka's hands are in her hair before she manages to add, "and when you're not able to do either, you'll have to use words. You should do that anyway, I like hearing it, but remember I'll love you without that, even if I'm not always good at telling you either."

---

There was daylight seeping through the curtains when Asuka whispered a final 'Ich liebe dich' before drifting off. It was almost the only thing she'd said, and there had been far more snuggling than sex, though there'd been some of that too. Somewhere in there, Hikari had loosened, but not detached, the leg restraint, then kissed her way back up, Asuka wrapping herself around her once she got far enough up.

There were still bruises on body and soul, but they were healing.

Notes:

This was supposed to have taken place before the end of the year, but then Shinji pulled his stunt and got hurt and it's taken a couple of weeks for some of the physical and mental bruises to heal.

Normally Hikari is the sensible member of the household, but she has her own issues and irrationalities too. Hopefully I captured it well enough.

Chapter 45: World Endings

Summary:

2021, January, a couple of days later

Hikari woke alone. Asuka had gotten up some unknown amount of time ago to go for her run and make breakfast and she'd fallen asleep again. The last few weeks had been increasingly exhausting and only some of that was her own fault. At least she'd had a couple of restful nights with her wife since her attempt at sleeping with Shinji, which had been comfortable while it lasted but had barely made any progress on the related problems. It was probably her turn to make breakfast but Asuka had kissed her lightly as she got up and told her to stay where she was.

If she'd been more awake, she'd have worried about Asuka hurting her hands again cooking. Now her missing breakfast came not with a grumbling stomach but more ominously with the sound of shouting penetrating the soundproofing on their room. Admittedly that wasn't as good as Shinji had tried to pretend it was but it muffled what was actually being said far too well for her growing concern.

Reluctantly she rolled herself out of bed, literally, pausing for a moment to bury her face in the pillow that still smelled of Asuka. That she could hear enough to tell that one half of the shouting match was her wife was reassuring, if she was being that loud and angry at Shinji she hadn't hurt herself too badly. Probably.

Climbing to her feet, she brushed herself off, checked that she wouldn't be giving anyone a show, took a deep breath and opened the door.

---

"You don't understand!"

"How can I understand if you won't fucking tell me?!"

"You really want to know Asuka? Really?"

Asuka almost falters under his rage, rage that cuts down Angels, that eats them, because they dared hurt her. It's that last that gives her the strength to hold her ground. Besides he's actually asking her and threatening to actually tell her something, she just hopes this time won't be as physically dangerous as last time or both Rei and Hikari are going to be mad at her. She can take it of course, whatever he has to throw at her, but she wished the pain didn't go even deeper than the anger. That's something she understood without the need for words.

"Hai." For once she appreciated the Japanese brevity, it's all she can manage without looking away, she dare not do that or she'll lose him completely.

"I wouldn't even need Mother next time, just Rei and enough pain. I know exactly how much pain."

Rei has taken a step away from him. Asuka a step towards. He doesn't notice Hikari's look of horror either.

Asuka knew she hadn't fully understood how much he had hurt, mentally and physically. She hadn't known how to reach out to him then and she wasn't sure if she did now. At least she could stand her ground, let him know she was there. She was starting to understand she probably never would understand just how bad it had been. Enough pain to literally tear the world apart to make it stop. Even that hadn't been enough.

"Misato was already dead. She pretended she'd see me again when she pushed me into the elevator. There's probably still some of her blood on the walls from my hands where I tried to catch myself as I tripped over bodies. I didn't know all of them. There were so many. I didn't know where you were, you could have been already dead then. Rei was gone. Again. I nearly sat down and let them shoot me then, but the elevator was moving before they could. I don't know how I made it to the Eva cages. How there was power to insert the plug. Just enough power to bring up the displays and communication. Not enough to actually do anything!"

His eyes were still focused on Asuka's but he wasn't seeing her now. She recognised the tone under the anger, not enough, not good enough, not ever enough, the self directed blame for failing an impossible task.

"I saw Hikari die. She looked surprised as her brains exploded out of the side of her head. You stopped. Not for long. Nothing could ever stop you for long, but it was long enough. Just moments but far too long. They tore you down. Tore your Eva to pieces. You weren't quite dead when your mother ejected you. Her core explosion took most of them, but not you. It would have been better. The ones that were left. The ones that were left. They hunted down your plug. They tore it apart. Lifted your battered body and ate you. And Mother did nothing. Nothing until there was nothing left of you but half an arm sticking out between teeth. Nothing until Father used Rei to start the Impact. Then she moved."

His voice was completely raw now, the volume only lessened because his throat is constricting the air forced from his lungs, "I'm better than my father in only one way. I succeeded. Mother could never join him even if she wanted to. You. You I could bring back."

"Oh hell."

"No."

He shakes his head in emphasis, breaking the eye contact and causing Asuka to reach out to him, starting to panic before his next words stop her in her tracks.

"No. Hell was waking up on the beach with nothing other than the stench of blood and a hundred kilometers of Lilith lying there staring at me with Rei's dead eyes. Hell was the first time you washed ashore. If you'd been lifeless, it wouldn't have been as terrible as it was. The body breathed. The eyes were not yours. Dead eyes. Worse than the not-Reis. I tried to drown us then. The sea wouldn't let me. You just dissolved in my arms and my lungs filled with you. It was a week until the next one."

The volume and anger are gone now, what replaces it is far, far worse. Her hope that his eyes focusing on hers again would be a relief died faster than an overgrown spider and more painfully, the tears forming in her eyes more painful than acid on her skin.

"The tenth might have been the worst. You were back in your plugsuit. It was a relief. That was such a part of you. It was a part of you. No skin except your face. That Asuka stopped breathing after it coughed up lungs dissolving into LCL. I don't know how many more there were. Maybe another twenty before one was still there in the morning, some of its hair singed by being too close to the fire, the fire was the only reason it had any warmth at all. I tried to bury that one but your leg fell off so I just took you down to the sea again."

She could cope with the rage. Anger was a familiar enough emotion she had been able to convince herself she had understood.

A little spittle was nothing, she had kissed him quite thoroughly though with a lot less tongue than kissing her wife involved - Hikari was standing behind her of course, because she'd instinctively moved to position herself between them so her wife was in the shadow of what little protection she could provide - They had bled on each other more than once. He had literally tried to drown himself in her.

"Once you walked out of the ocean by yourself. Naked, beautiful, proud. I couldn't tell if they were your eyes. You didn't have any. It walked around me and back into the ocean again. For a while I studied them, seeing if there was a pattern. I lost track of time. If I got breaks, I don't know if it was days or weeks. The Asukas got closer on the outside for a while, a couple even had those freckles you hate, but none of them survived longer than a day or two. Talking to you just made it worse because I started imagining what you'd say back."

She could cope with the pacing, the sharp words, she could catch him when they fought with bodies rather than pillows, she was still the stronger, she still trained to be the stronger. Always about something stupid, whatever the last straw had been, not about the mountain it rested on, she had thought she understood the shape of it. Like Futago, it was possibly only still there because Rei was protecting Shinji, heedless of the cost to herself.

It was the stillness that was unnerving her, it wasn't the moments of calm in the ebb and flow of his words, it was the way his muscles had become so tense he couldn't move to do more than take a breath to give air to force out the next words.

"I tried holding them through the night, staying awake while their breath slowly slowed until it wasn't there at all. I tried leaving the beach entirely, but if I lost sight of the shore. No. Not that. I couldn't leave you. Even if it wasn't you. I couldn't keep you alive. I couldn't kill you either. I tried that a few times. Sometimes a half of you persisted longer than a whole you."

"Eventually I not only lost count, I lost the ability to count."

His voice fades, the strength of his original anger finally dissipating completely under the weight and pain of memory.

His gaze hasn't wavered but now some of what he sees is the Asuka in front of him.

"Does that answer your question?"

Asuka completes the step forward she had started eons ago, she's forgotten what the question even was. She isn't certain what she's going to do, just that she needs to do something, even if it's kissing him again to make sure he knows, doing it properly to prove it's the real her, here and now.

Rei is standing between them. She'd blinked and there she was.

"Get out of the way, Wondergirl." This was between them, she had no right to interfere with whatever it was she was going to do.

"What are you going to do Asuka? Touch him in ways I dare not? Kiss him with fear? lust? love? pain? The last times he touched me the way I want there were elephants and emus, forests and fungi, flowers and foxes, crustaceans and cetaceans. What would you do? Give him a child created to bind rather than love? You would be your father. It would destroy you both. Our worlds would end in ways I can not repair."

Asuka stands her ground. She's faced worse things than an angry Rei. Probably. She can't give him a child, even if she were willing, and if she didn't have Hikari, if she could have him all to herself, she might be, he can't be with her like that and she's going to have her own nightmares now as to why. All that and he still held her in the night when her body insisted his arms were the only thing that could comfort her. Was this why? Because he had slept next to her, held her dying body, over and over again until it remembered even if she did not.

She held his gaze a brief endless time longer, not daring to look down at Rei. Whatever he and Rei thought, they were not their fathers, they both cared too much.

"If loving me isn't enough, loving you never will be. You will go on without him, I will not. So what are you going to do, Asuka?"

Rei's demand finally forced her to look away from him, the last thing he needs right now was Rei's nihilism. That was another mistake. She tried to drag her eyes away and failed. There was no doubt something even worse had happened between Shinji and Rei. Something so much worse she couldn't attempt to comprehend it. Something so much better that she'd never dare to come close.

"You do it," she snaps. "You're his..." her brief anger at Rei stalls over the lack of words for them, over her own fear, pain and jealousy, love and horror.

"Yes, I am," and Rei's words are filled with sorrow.

Asuka takes a breath and a stray thought and takes another step closer, even though that puts her perhaps dangerously close to Rei.

"Shinji," she says softly, "look at my eyes." There was a difference between being unable to look away and being aware. "This is the real me, and the real Rei is about to take your hand."

She doesn't look down to see if Rei's doing that, she just has to trust she'll take the cue. She doesn't doubt Rei understands what she's doing, it involves Shinji.

"Whatever it takes, Rei, I'll do whatever it takes," answering Rei's question but not taking her eyes off Shinji as she takes a deep breath, "Which right now is letting you take him away before I do something stupid, because that's the last thing he needs right now."

She doesn't look away again until Rei blocks her line of sight, something that should be impossible given their relative heights but Rei is making her presence felt in ways she does not often do.

---

Asuka slumps as almost simultaneously Rei's door closes behind them and Hikari's arms wrap around her.

"What did you ask him?" Hikari asks cautiously.

Asuka shudders, "I don't remember now. Not what he answered." Her mind would no doubt give her a blow-by-blow replay of the entire argument the next time she had some quiet time for it to ruin, but right now she was still reeling.

"So you didn't ask him why we aren't expecting children after you spent the night resting your pussy on his dick?"

Asuka pulls back, but Hikari lifts herself on her toes and kisses her.

"Sorry. It seems that I still haven't completely forgiven you, or myself, and I'm feeling insecure. How am I supposed to measure up to that?" It was an inappropriate reaction to what she'd just heard, but she was the one who'd demanded they talk to each other, and now Asuka was focused on her again and not on the horror. They both needed the distraction.

"I'm glad you were just shot in the head and don't have to."

Hikari blinks, "I think I missed something, other than first breakfast."

"Seeing your brains flying out the side of your head was one of the least traumatic things that happened to him that day. I'm glad you weren't there for the rest."

"and I'm glad you didn't get as far as making second breakfast, because I don't think I can eat now. Can we go back to bed and start today over? We can cuddle and discuss something other than my brains being the wrong side of my skull, maybe what I'm making for dinner on Saturday and where we'll need to go to get the ingredients."

Asuka frowned in confusion, going back to bed sounded like a good idea, cuddles with her wife an even better one, but "What's special about Saturday?"

Hikari tugged on Asuka's hand until she started to move towards the bedroom, "I invited Kodama over for dinner, remember. So I can tease her and she and Shinji can finish their relationship discussion, with mediation if necessary."

Asuka smiles, "By mediation I assume you mean locking them in his room and leaving the house."

Hikari shakes her head as she opens the door, "I meant that Rei seems to have definite opinions about their relationship that neither of them seem completely convinced about, so it's at least a three-way conversation where at least one of them is going to decide they don't deserve it. So one of us is going to need to talk some sense into them before Miss Ibuki comes back."

Asuka wraps her arm around Hikari's waist, "Please promise me you won't intervene unless they ask."

Hikari rests her head on Asuka, "Don't ask me for promises I can't keep, big sis 'I'm not in a relationship' was complaining her place felt empty without 'Maya', that place is so small it wouldn't feel empty if it just contained a cat!"

Asuka's smile can be heard in her voice, "I heard that slight pause before you said 'cat', you can't fool me liebling."

---

It's a long time before Rei breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry. I was broken."

Rei nuzzled the side of his neck affectionately, in contrast to the grip of their intertwined fingers resting on his chest.

"If someone exploded an Evangelion in my insides, I'd be broken too."

"You did not explode when you were inside me."

"No."

"Will it be like that next time?"

"I don't think so."

"You will stay until we find out?"

"A lot longer than that."

---

Asuka looks up from the kitchen counter when she hears Rei's door open. She had a lot of questions for her, but first thing in the morning after yesterday's ... fight?, she was going to go with 'fight', was probably not the best time. She didn't know exactly what had happened yesterday, Hikari had decided that making themselves scarce under the pretext of shopping was the right idea and she hadn't come up with a good enough reason not to.

After they'd got home and started dinner, Rei had emerged to take her and Shinji's portion back to her room. The house had not been significantly cleaner than when they'd left so Shinji hadn't buried himself in that. Rei had been guarded and guarding, her expression blank and her muscles tense, seeming both small and ten meters tall, her hair and eyes damp, but where had she been then? This Rei, the Rei she thought she knew wouldn't have left Shinji alone for the days, weeks or months it had taken for her to come back whole, alive and conscious of her surroundings.

But it wasn't Rei, it was Shinji, looking awake, a lot calmer and definitely hungry for breakfast.

She turns and hugs him gently, a little cautiously in case it's not as safe to do so as it seems, noticing that Rei hadn't followed him right away before the strength of his arms around her as he returned her hug distracted her. She relaxed gradually as the sense of safety seeped back into her bones, relaxing the muscles Hikari's tenderness hadn't reached.

She pulled back far enough to look at him. Only just far enough that he could focus on her, to see her eyes clearly.

"Dummkopf, you're better than your father in a lot of ways. All that shit and he was just thinking about what he wanted. You were thinking about what I wanted. And Hikari. And Rei. You hurt because you cared."

She wipes her eyes, then his, "Now go make some tea before I kiss you. Rei may think it's safe to let you out of her sight, but Hikari would tan my hide, and not in a fun way."

Notes:

Asuka putting some pieces together, but not necessarily in the right shape and conveniently forgetting that she was sleepwalking into Shinji's bed before she even started dating Hikari...

Chapter 46: Beaches and Other Desolations

Summary:

Post Impact, no date

Shinji sat on the shore listening to the waves and staring at Rei.

She was rather hard to miss, occupying the entire horizon as she did.  

He missed her. He missed everyone. Not literally everyone, of course. Even if he knew how many that was, he didn't know them personally. Even if they were a stones throw away, at least on the days he'd remembered to eat and had the strength.

He'd spent a while looking for a boat. He could learn how to sail if there was the slightest bit of wind. Nothing with an engine would have enough fuel to get to her. There hadn't been any storms and it wouldn't matter if he fell into the ocean anyway. He'd wake up on the beach again.

It was a quiet day. Just himself and his Rei. They were all his Rei. Just some of them were small enough to hug. Some of them he could fit inside.

He missed Asuka. Her brilliance. The fights. The kisses. The becoming one. Not her eyes. Her eyes were never right. Too perfect a blue. No anger. Too much anger. Not enough pain. At least those Asukas which pretended to be his didn't have dull dead eyes. He hadn't carried a not Asuka back into the ocean for nearly a week. They were different, the ones the ocean taunted him with. The imaginary worlds weren't real but they were alive. Here it was just him.

He missed Hikari. Pillow fights and children. He'd never thought he'd be any good with children. He didn't have a good example to base it on. Hikari had been good with theirs. Had shown him how to be good. An actual father, unlike his own. He was grateful for that. It wasn't real, it would never be real. It meant he didn't have to become his father. Once he found the real Asuka, he would work out how to find her too.

He spent an unmeasured amount of time wondering if some of the not Asukas were fish. There were fish in the ocean. They must be breathing the LCL in the water. Maybe they absorbed enough they started to resemble the people it came from. At least the clammy cold ones were easier. The warm ones when he could hold her hand and start to hope her eyes would open were almost the worst.

He dreamed of Rei a lot. More than anyone else. Maybe it was that she was there. When he didn't trust his memory, he could come back to the beach and she would keep him company for a while. He was here a lot. In his dreams she would be wrapped around him like an ocean wasn't. Sometimes she made an effort to be solid enough they could touch. Sometimes she sat, halfway into the ground, letting flowers grow around her. Sometimes he held her heart, feeling it beat in her chest. Sometimes he would kiss her and she would smile.

He wondered what PenPen's Instrumentality dreams were like. Were they full of penguins? Normal ones, or ones like him? Or was he basking in a hot spring somewhere letting Misato feed him the best fish ever.

He dreamed of Misato sometimes. When she was Captain and the laughter was real and the only thing he hid from her was Asuka after she'd sleepwalked into his bed. He knew now that Misato hadn't believed him, Asuka had protested too much. He missed the laughter and even the teasing. 

He missed Toji sometimes, and Kensuke who would be far better at surviving this than he was, but he never dreamed of them. Just the women he'd failed. The ones he'd watched die. 

He got up and walked down the beach to one of the firewood stashes. He'd keep Rei company tonight. She didn't judge him the way he judged himself.

---

The beach was deserted when he woke. The fire had died down to embers that still gave out some warmth, but he felt warmer than he should at this time of year.

"I am here."

He wasn't sure if he heard Rei's voice or just imagined it. He looked up to the horizon and she wasn't. It didn't matter.

"You always are."

 

 

Notes:

This has been sitting in the WIP folder for a while, but obviously contains spoilers for the last chapter amongst other things. I won't be moving it to it's chronological position for that reason.

Any inconsistencies are at least as much to do with Shinji's sanity level as the author's.

Chapter 47: Children and Other Wanted Things

Summary:

2021, January, Friday

"What's wrong Shinji?" Hikari asked as she returned from clearing away the remains of dinner.

"Huh?"

"Something's been bothering you all through dinner, baka. Out with it."

That was perhaps a good sign, Asuka thought. He'd been in and out of the house a lot over the last couple of days, doing something productive but apparently not so obsessively he didn't come home for lunch, hugs and kisses. The latter just from Rei of course, who she'd actually seen more of than Shinji, but had seemed distracted and lost in thought whenever he wasn't there. That he was visibly worrying about something rather than burying it was actually reassuring.

"Oh. The couple at the end is going to adopt one of my more difficult rescues."

"Difficult how?"

Shinji doesn't want to talk about it, especially to Asuka, but that's not an option these days. He's managed far worse, it's not even something he has to check if she really wants the answer to, it's only going to bring up distant childhood trauma.

"He was abandoned in a library the day of the Impact. So he's five, um six now, with a year of reading alone, even in his dream no one came to find him."

Asuka's eyes go wide and she reaches across the table to take his hand.

"If his parents came back they haven't come to get him," Shinji's expression doesn't change but his hand tightens around Asuka's. "It's been hard to find someone who is willing and able to look after him. He doesn't seem to mind, as long as he has something to read or something to organize."

"At least books don't need batteries," Asuka wiggled her fingers to remind him to loosen his grip a little. They were long past the time when she could scrounge for batteries, and any new ones went into larger scale energy storage, not trivial things like antique music players. Hopefully it was a good thing she hadn't seen him use it in a while, that he was talking to someone even if it wasn't her, rather than retreating into the music his mother had left him. She'd tried to improve his taste in music but all she'd gotten for her effects was a complaint that if he wanted to hear angry German at high volume all he had to do was wake her up early.

"Was he the last?" asks Hikari into the strange comfortably uncomfortable silence.

"Last? There's a horde," Asuka looks at Hikari in confusion.

"They have homes to go to," Hikari tries not to sound exasperated. She knows why Asuka doesn't know.

Shinji nods, "Until the next ones."

"It's not your fault," Asuka tries to reassure him. He wasn't the one that abandoned this kid.

"It is. I just don't know how."

"I do."

Everyone turns to stare at Rei, who's been quiet since before dinner except to thank Hikari for cooking.

"I am not interfering," she insists to Shinji, ignoring anyone and everything else. For a moment her eyes look almost completely black before they return to darker than their normal red in the evening light. She'll pay for that later. That there was still a part of her that could interfere. That, however, much she insisted, she was not entirely Rei, and also was entirely Rei. At least her brush with knowing enough to be certain was brief enough there won't be annoyed elephants this time. Annoyed Shinji and uncomfortable urges, but she'll cope with those, probably at the same time. Everything that came next would be entirely her own words, her own actions, her own fault.

Asuka looks from one to the other. Shinji nods barely enough to notice.

"Hikari, please make tea. Bring the bottle of lemonade and my berry juice while it brews."

Hikari nods and refrains from asking. If Rei is deliberately adding alcohol, someone was being carried to bed this evening and this time it wouldn't be Asuka.

---

"So how is it my fault?"

"I love you."

There is a long pause while Shinji puts pieces of Rei together, "I see."

"Well I don't!"

Rei turns, her eyes wide, her braid hitting Shinji as she whipped around to face Asuka again, spitting the words out with a vehemence that rocked Asuka back in her chair, "I was the fucking dummkopf who put Shinji in control of the Impact. I had a choice. I chose the Ikari who was able to love more than one person. I fed the person I love into the the the..." she struggles to find any words. Lilith absorbed everyone. Lilith was a person. Lilith was a machine. Lilith was her. Lilith was still her even if she didn't want it. Lilith was still her because sometimes she still needed it. I am Rei. I am Rei. I am Rei.

Shinji looks at Asuka from where he's wrapped around Rei as soon as he reached her, "You know how Evas only work if they have a human soul and a human mind to control them. She tried to do that to Lilith. Except she was already part Lilith, Lilith is much bigger than an Eva, a lot bigger when you include the functioning parts of the GeoFront, and I wasn't exactly at my best."

Asuka blinked and flexed her fingers, which were slightly sore, she noted absently and belatedly, from where Shinji had ripped his hand out of hers.

"How come we're not totally fucked? If I have this right, and Rei wasn't just making things up for shits and giggles, you used Unit 01 as an entry plug to a machine that was fifteen kilometres wide using an Angel big enough to tilt the entire planet when it exploded and put it in control of someone who was completely insane before watching me get eaten?"

"He loves you almost as much as he loves me." It was, of course, far more complicated than that, but it was at the core of the reason she had chosen him over Gendo in that brief moment she had a choice and could act on it. That she had no doubt she had made the right decision then or now did not make the results any easier to bear.

"Huh?" Asuka summarised her thoughts eloquently.

"Everyone he knew was dead. He watched the people he cared about most die. He thought I was dead permanently. He wanted to die. He wanted everyone to die. To not hurt anymore. That was inevitable from the moment I used the Spear to save him. He also did not want to be alone. To be abandoned again. He wanted his family back. He wanted a world you could be happy in. He wanted no child to be unwanted or abandoned."

"I know that part. It's why he exhausted himself on the rescue team for years, why he hunts down parents or finds new ones."

"Kodama," gasps Hikari. She's not entirely following things but it's family and she can see that one. Kodama and all the women like her who weren't sure, who weren't ready, who didn't want a child even if they would accept it. The loss and confusion of coming back from the sea of souls and ... her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the front door.

"And penguins," Rei adds as if Shinji hadn't just unfolded from around her and left.

Hikari turns to Rei in confusion, more confusion, "Penguins?"

"We. I. He." She started again. "PenPen is part of his family too. There is no way to make another PenPen. There are fifteen species of penguin which are no longer near extinction. There is ice and islands for them to live on. There is fish for them to eat. It was the best I could do."

Hikari could tell her about all of them. Where they lived. What they ate. Mating habits, feeding grounds, almost everything. If she ever didn't know then Hikari could tell her.

One part was not entirely true. The part about PenPen. Technically Lilith could have made another one, they had the genetic blueprint. But it was like the Elephants. She could put them back together. She could put them all in one place so the herds were large enough to fend off the Emus until their natural habitats were sufficiently restored. She could even make new ones, with no mind and no soul they would be as empty as her non-selves and live very short lives. She could have given PenPen an egg, but Shinji had prevented her from doing that, PenPen had not been ready to be a parent and thus would never be. It was too late for that. It was too late for a lot of things.

"How? Why?"

"You would be sad if there were no penguins."

"You're telling me PenPen spent years in Antarctica teaching penguins how to penguin because Hikari would be sad?"

"I am unaware of PenPen's motivations."

"As much as I know Hikari wants to know even more about the penguins, should someone go after our Idiot Shinji?"

Rei shakes her head, "There are places he might go. He needs time. If he has not returned by nightfall I will be with him."

Asuka frowned at Rei's unusual phrasing but let it go. She knew him well, even if it was less well than she had thought, and she had to admit that Rei knew things about him she didn't. Whatever Hikari said, it was probably best not to push him harder than they already were.

She turned back to Rei, "So, tell Hikari all about these different kinds of penguin before her curiosity makes her vibrate off the chair."

That would at least keep two of them occupied for a while, she was worried enough for everyone. She would trust Rei was right for a while, then she'd go after him whatever anyone else said.

---

It was several hours later and Asuka knew far more about penguins than anyone other than her wife would ever want to know. Somehow here had been three species of penguin she hadn't already known almost as much as Rei could tell her about. At least she was physically comfortable curled up on the couch with her head in Hikari's lap.

Mentally, on the other hand ... Rei had been calmly discussing penguins and Shinji still hadn't come home.

She lifted her head, "Rei?"

"He is on the beach talking to Lilith."

"And you know that because?"

"He is on the beach talking to Lilith."

"Rei? Please? I'm worried and you aren't making sense."

"He is on the beach talking to Lilith."

"Not that I don't believe you, but you said places. Where else might he have gone?"

"The GeoFront, to shout at his mother."

Asuka didn't bother to ask if he was really that stupid as to go alone after their last trip, of course he was. She was also paying attention as she should have done so many times before.

"Where else?"

"Kodama. He has told you. It is no longer a private thing between them. He has told her he loves her. I was hoping. I was hoping it meant that he might have accepted that she does not consider it an unacceptable burden. That she is strong enough when it is. That she accepts him as he is, not as he believes he is."

"Of course he hasn't. It's stupid stupid Shinji who doesn't tell us shit. I'm supposed to be his best friend and I've failed at that too."

Rei looks up and glares at her.

"He is alive. He is with me. He would not be without your existence. Without your presence. Without your love. I cannot do it all."

"Screaming at his mother's grave I get, the beach I get he's there so often it's like his second home, but you said talking to Lilith. Lilith's dead." If her mother had a grave, if there was anything left but atoms, she might have done some screaming too. Her mother had known what Shinji's had done and tried anyway. Hubris was apparently hereditary, but she had more important things to not think about right now.

"Less so than you were. It would not matter. She would hear him anyway."

"Can you be less cryptic?"

"No."

Asuka sighs.

"I will explain it to Maya. She may be able to explain it to you."

"Can you try Rei?" Hikari asks softly.

"I know about penguins. Lilith knows about penguins. Lilith knows all the genetic strands. Lilith knows the mind of everyone who studied penguins. It... degrades... as people return."

Asuka sits up, "Just how much Lilith are you?"

"More than you. Less than her."

---

Hikari comes back from the kitchen with cups of tea spiked with lemon and settles down again next to Asuka.

"I think I understand about the pregnancies, but why no babies?"

"They would die."

Hikari recoils.

"If you were both willing, Shinji could have impregnated you three weeks after you returned. If you were extremely lucky, twenty-five weeks after you returned you could feed one. Which one of hundreds would you choose? By the time your child was born, you could feed up to three. Which two of thousands would you choose? Would you help Shinji bury the rest?"

Rei's voice cracks, "Do you think I would ever get him back if he had been burying tiny corpses between Asukas?"

There's a pause and then much more quietly she continues, "So no. No babies."

"Hikari? Call your sister. Now."

Hikari shakes herself, "What?"

"Not to make babies, Idiot-Wife! Rei's been carrying all this and Shinji for years. I can't help because I'm part of the problem and I haven't worked out how to fix that yet. After he brings me back to you, Rei crawls into his bed to make sure he's still there in the morning. Rei's been fanning the flames between them every time you pour water over everything. It's baka-Shinji, you can't force him to do anything. So it's deeper than them still refusing to fuck like rabbits like everyone wants them to, and Kodama can help, Kodama wants to help. So go call her while I work out how to talk to Maya."

---

Asuka handed Rei a cup of tea. It almost certainly wouldn't help. It was simply a gesture. Of routine. Of inclusion. She had no idea what to say to Rei any more than she'd worked out what to ask Maya. That call had so far gone unmade. She did however know Shinji, even if she was terrible at actually listening, worse at talking and had actually managed to get worse at telling him she loved him. She couldn't fix any of those right now.

She stuffed her jealousy of her sister-in-law in a corner. She'd known they were closer than she pretended in case Hikari got ideas again. He spent more time with Kodama than he did with Toji. It had still taken her at least a year to realise he'd been spending the night there sometimes, not just dinner. She could probably fit the Over the Rainbow through her apparent blind spot.

"Lilith. Yui. Kodama." Monster, Mother, Mätresse. Though she wasn't sure the first two should be in that order. Or that any of them was accurate. It wasn't that they all qualified as women, probably.

Rei looked up from her cold tea. She hadn't been paying the attention she should have been but she could feel her eyes on her.

"You said places, but that's people. People he might go to, even if it's to scream at them. He's not just running away. He'll come back to you."

"He loves you too much not to return."

"Me? Probably. You. Definitely."

"He cannot love me enough."

Asuka had seen Rei looking half dead, but never this vulnerable.

"You can't possibly believe that him loving me, or Kodama, or anyone means he doesn't love you."

"Enough. It cannot be enough. The world would end."

"Well, fuck."

"Not today."

---

Kodama had carried him back from the beach, he'd been exactly where Rei had told her, and gone to take a long hot shower to wash the sweat and scent of blood off. A long bath with him to relax her strained muscles would be better but that wasn't going to happen today. As skinny as he was, most of it was muscle and he was heavier than he looked as well as being almost completely dead weight. He hadn't even responded when Rei kissed him before taking him from her. She'd smelled the familiar scent of lemon flavoured alcohol on Rei's breath as she'd done so, which was almost as unnerving as her expression.

Which meant she didn't hear the conversation in the living room, which was probably intentional. The conversation they'd been avoiding about how they fit into each other's lives now wasn't going to happen tomorrow either, not even Rei could make that happen so soon after this, Hikari didn't stand a chance.

---

Rei kisses him slowly, deeply, uncaring that they are being watched.

It's several minutes before she lets go, and even then she pulls back slowly, holding his face in her hands, her fingertips caressing his cheeks, her thumbs on the tight muscles of his jaw are the last thing she removes.

"Love of my loins?"

Shinji raises his head, there's only one person a ridiculous term of affection could be directed at, which means Rei wants his attention. Sometimes, like today, Rei wanting him for something is the only thing that drags him up out of the darkness. He was home. Wherever Rei was was always home, but he was in the house with no recollection of getting there.

"I am a fertility goddess."

Shinji blinks.

Asuka slaps her hand over Hikari's mouth.

"Women wear blue. It is difficult to get the shade correct. They try. Couples engage in sexual intercourse on the beach. At night. When they do not think others will know. Some make love in the water. Conception occurs if the timing is correct. It almost always is."

She leans over and kisses him softly, "She is becoming people. They are all wanted. The souls are not lost. I did my best."

He nods and closes his eyes again. She's trying to reassure him, and maybe later it will work. Right now it's not helping the weight of the guilt either of them bear.

Rei is there, the darkness he falls back into isn't quite so deep.

---

Hikari finally gets a question out, having removed Asuka's hand for the third time, "So the Shrine Maiden thing?"

"I am a mere servant. I am not the goddess." Rei sounds not exactly bored, but as if she'd said the same thing many, many times.

Asuka laughs, "Except to him."

"I can only acknowledge that."

There are many things she can do, more if she lets go of herself, but preventing Shinji from worshipping her is not one of them. The things they had been through had failed to do so and she was not going to try again. She needed him too much. She took his hand in her own again, he didn't stir but his fingers closed around hers.

---

Kodama is sitting cross-legged on the bed, her hair still damp from her shower, his still damp from the ocean and the light rain that wasn't heavy enough for the circumstances. His head is in Rei's lap rather than a pillow. She has no idea what to do or say. She's watching his exhausted face rather than Rei's. Hikari had called her in a semi-panic because Asuka had told her to. Rei had told her where to find him but not gone herself. Now she was sitting there wearing nothing but one of his t-shirts because she hadn't waited to pack anything while her sister washed her ocean stained clothing because she'd waded out to the rock he was sitting on rather than try to work out how he'd gotten there.

She took hold of his hand and pulled it into her lap. His fingers closed around hers almost instantly. So unconscious not coma then, which had been her biggest fear when his delirium had passed into unresponsiveness as they'd come in sight of the house and she'd had to pick him up and carry his full weight. At least she'd already been bringing him here, so she didn't have to decide if it was bad enough. "Comatose" and "dead" had been something they'd talked about after the first time she'd found him unresponsive to anything she did. Anything she'd been willing to do then. If he needed biting deep enough to bleed, apparently she could get Asuka to do it.

"Two years." Rei's voice broke the silence and she looked up.

"Two years and you come when he needs you. Two years and he still would not ask. Two years before you should think about having his children outside of dreams."

There were tears on Rei's face, she had even less idea what to say.

"I hope you do not take that long to engage in sexual intercourse. I am more aware of the risk than you are. There are things I cannot do. I am the wrong ages. You should not try to love him the way I do. It would break you."

"Like it has you?"

She regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Rei is far stronger than she is, she knows she can't come close, had almost made peace with it, but hearing it directly from someone who knew cut deep. Except the woman sitting there with their lover's head in her lap is drunk, weeping and all but begging her to do everything she herself wanted.

"I was also ready to die. Then he became my world. I want that again. It would end everything. I want a world where he is loved in ways I cannot do. A world our children can grow up in. I have destroyed the world. I have taken children away from so many. I would break again if he did not love me the way he does."

Kodama had her free hand on her stomach before she was aware of what she'd done, there was nothing to feel, there never had been.

"You did this?" She couldn't keep the accusation out of her voice. Shinji blamed himself for it, how could Rei have let him go this long without telling him otherwise? He would still love her.

"Of course I did. It was what he wanted. No child should be unwanted, abandoned, unloved the way he believed he was. I did not understand. I could only do."

"Why didn't you tell him?"

Antagonizing a drunk kami who could do even worse than take him from her with less than a word was probably not one of her best options, but Rei had been encouraging this, she could deal with her anger. There were other things she could have said, could have asked, that would cut them all deeper.

Rei caressed his cheek then went back to running her fingers through his hair, he did not stir.

"Look at him. He is breathing. There are worse outcomes."

Shinji had said that sometimes Rei was hard to read, but the layers of grief, pain, loss, and something far worse were plain on her face. She wasn't being hypothetical, she'd seen them and somehow survived.

---

She had seen Rei playful and elegant but never like this. She felt like she was intruding, except she'd not seen him this bad either, but it was Asuka who requested her and Rei who had been waiting on the doorstep for her alone except for the empty bottle of Lemon Mind Death on the ground beside her. Hopefully the bottle hadn't been full when she'd started.

"What do you want from me?"

Rei shakes her head. She doesn't want, she needs, and she has interfered in their relationship too much already. Too much and not enough.

Kodama sighs, Shinji's dark moods were difficult enough, she had no idea how to deal with Rei's.

"Do not leave him alone with me."

"Why not?"

"There would be children none of us are ready for."

Kodama twitches before clamping down on her startled reaction.

"Just because I need, want, have him in ways you cannot imagine, does not mean I do not desire him in ways you can."

Kodama blinks, "That's the first time either of you have admitted that."

Rei smiles, it's a fragile smile, but she looks more herself for a moment.

"You are aware that cuddles, caresses and massages are not the only ways he is good with his hands. It is far more complicated for us. Sometimes to be Rei I must be my second incarnation in mind, whatever my desires might be. Then he is onii-chan doting on his beloved little sister and all I can have is cuddles. Sometimes I am my first, when I was whole and unbroken. Then he is Vater or Mutter loving and caring for his daughter who will never have the chance to grow up. My third craves kisses more than anything, that is what brought me back to myself."

"I know you're simplifying that a lot for me, but why are you telling me this?"

"You are his lover. I am his Rei."

Rei caresses his face but he does not stir.

"There will be times he chooses me. There will be times he chooses you. Making that choice will hurt."

"I'm just a substitute for when you can't..."

"Do you doubt that he loves you? Your mind not just your body. I understand he is rather attracted to both."

"Of course I do. He loves you and tells you everything."

"He does not. Sometimes it is hard to not know when I am too weary to keep her out. Also you do not smell like your sister."

Kodama blushes.

"Your sister sometimes forgets to wash before coming to Second Breakfast. Asuka makes that error less frequently. Oral sex in the shower does not leave either person clean without extra effort."

"Sorry."

"Did you not enjoy it?"

"Yes, but."

"I have informed him of my requirements for cleanliness."

"You really don't mind?"

"If you did not enjoy it. If it was all you wanted. That I would not like. You have held him through nightmares. You went to the beach for him when neither myself nor Asuka could."

"Why not Asuka? She's stronger than I am."

"It took one hundred and three attempts to bring Asuka back. He was there for all of them. I was not."

"Well, shit."

There's a long pause while Rei's words burrow their way into Kodama's mind. What did that even mean? Attempts? What did a failure involve? Did that mean Shinji had buried Asuka a hundred times over? He had talked about many things, quite a few of which left her with her own nightmares, but not this.

"This is why we're not dating. I can't promise to be there for him like that, and neither can he."

"You are here now."

"Asuka asked. Asuka never asks for anything. She didn't even ask for Hikari and she should have. She asked me not you. Why not? And don't tell me you're not strong enough." She shouldn't be annoyed but she is, Rei hadn't told him, had known this about him and not told either of them, or Asuka because then Hikari would know and her sister would have told her something like this, wouldn't she? How much more there? What else had Rei not told anyone because anyone else would shatter? How had she not done yet?

"He cannot die on the beach. I can."

"I can no longer put him back together again, but Lilith will. I am her conscience. The I at the moment of his death. The I at the moment of my third. She will not be able to stop herself. I could not live in a world without him in it. Even if he wants to, he cannot. He tried. After he could not touch the not-me. After the eighty-ninth Asuka. Asuka tried. For him. For herself. Now, now this is far enough, just, that the only survivable death is the little one."

---

Only the conversation had died this time, and it was a while before Kodama was the one to break the silence. Despite the circumstances, it was almost meditative, watching him breathe, watching Rei's fingers move almost but not quite in time with his breathing, the warm of his hand in hers, the warmth of his body against the part of her leg pressed against his side. She'd watched him sleep before, but she'd always been alone while doing so. She'd never spent this much time when Rei was the only other conscious person in the room. A Rei who seemed to need to talk, and despite, or perhaps because, of Shinji being both there and unconscious she was actually willing to do so.

"What about you? You're willing to share, seem to be insisting on it, but you don't seem to have anyone else and he's the least possessive man I know."

"Even if you were correct, my genetic compatibility is limited and my emotional one more so. Of the former, one would die before he could touch me, one would be executed if his location were ever known, and Toji is far too gentle."

"Toji?!" She responds in surprise before her thoughts could catch up. What was she basing that assertion on, who were the two she refused to name, why hadn't she included Shinji? Perhaps she was wrong, and Rei was still unable to give her a straight answer because Rei seemed to the member of the house who wasn't friends with Toji, not that she objected to him, she just didn't seem to care one way or the other, unlike Asuka who would greet him cheerfully as long as he didn't look at Hikari for too long.

"I am informed he is very attractive to those who find men attractive."

"But gentle? Shinji's far more..."

"Shinji will lay kisses down your spine for an hour, until the slightest touch can induce an orgasm. He will also tear Angels apart with his hands. You may not engage in sexual intercourse with him before the summer. You will be done with classes. Maya will visit. Your inability to walk will not interfere with your studies."

Kodama tried to unpack all the implications in what Rei was saying. She didn't bother trying to hide her blush.

"You do not have to hold back. You do not have to hold him back. There will be no inconvenient megafauna or convenient islands. His desire for you may only break the bed not the world."

Kodama stared at her, it was them, of course the pair of them would take the need for safe sex to a ridiculous extent, but before she could think too much about what Rei had meant, something else occurred to her.

"Please tell me there's no time travel going on here."

"Only in a forward direction at the speed permitted by the topology of local spacetime."

"Good. Because if the first time I shared a bed with him was because we were the ones that trashed the other bed at the inn, that would be more than I could cope with."

"You shared a bed because the other was broken?"

"There was a piece buried in the exterior wall. It was a lot more than just broken."

Rei lifts her hand from where she's been running her fingers through his hair as absentmindedly as she got when touching him.

"Then you must share this one. He will not wish to risk you becoming injured by insufficient furniture any more than he would Asuka and your sister."

---

Kodama caressed his hand and resisted the impulse to move so it was touching more than her own. She had a lot of inappropriate thoughts but more questions Rei might actually answer.

"Why me?"

"You are fertile. I may not be."

Kodama laughs sadly, "I know that's not the real reason. I don't know if I still am, and if you just wanted him to have babies, I'm sure there's plenty of women who'd volunteer."

"If it were just babies. We could engage in sexual intercourse on the beach. Lilith would form many around us. I could. I could give the word and there would be a hundred ovulating women on the doorstep by morning and half of them would be pregnant before the end of the day if he was not who he is. You don't want his babies, you want his children. You want Nozomis and Sakuras, Tojis and Kensukes, Asukas and Hikaris, Yuis and Mizuhos. To see them grow, laugh and love. People with his eyes and your nose. Women with his strength. Men with his tenderness. Both with so much stubbornness they'll wear even Hikari down."

"The world is never going to be kind, especially to us. He is reckless with himself and the hearts of those who love him. It is probable you will help me bury him. It is possible he will help you bury one of the children.

"There are worse things in the world than me."

"You know if you actually want to stop me, all you have to do is say so. Tell me I can't have him. That he's yours and only yours."

"If that was enough to stop you loving him, I would have already done so."

---

"What about you?" The same question but with a different meaning.

"I am a monster, kami, yokai, kaiju, a tool shaped from alien flesh and forced into human shape using the DNA of the one human they knew could interact with it. A tool that failed at its job. A monster that would not think about wiping the world clean. Except he loved me. He knows the shapes of me. I was four, fourteen and four billion the first time he kissed me. I had already died twice. I died a third time before he knew. I will not waste his love by stopping being Rei.

"There was a time, after my third death, when he did not know. Did not know I was. Did not know I was his Rei. Did not know he was loved.

"I do not think I will love anyone else. I do not have his capacity. I have seen my life without him in it and I do not want it. No one else is as strong as he is."

Kodama looked down at the unconscious form of her broken lover, "Strong?"

"He bears the weight of the love of someone who rebuilt an entire world so she could hold his hand again, for one more kiss, because accepting the one we had as the last was more than I could bear. That is even harder than the guilt."

---

They had lapsed into silence again, not exactly comfortable, but thoughtful.

"And when you have no more need of me?"

"I will bring the grandchildren to leave flowers on your grave and tell them all about you.

"What did you expect me to say? That he would give up? That I could take him from you? That you would let me?"

Rei was, Kodama thought, back to her confusing self. She would die without him, she would outlive them both, she was fragile, she was strong, she trusted Shinji to be there for her, she couldn't take him away. Not that her own emotions were a whole lot simpler, especially as that was all but a proposal.

There was, however, at least one thing she needed to arrange and to do it she would need Rei's help.

"Can you ask Hikari to find me a pair of clean dry underwear? Because neither of us wants to leave him alone, you can't be here with him by yourself, and if I wake up in the morning with him pressed against me, I don't have your willpower to resist, especially as we're going to have to at least give him a sponge bath before moving him under the covers."

Rei nods, "I will procure the necessary supplies," she strokes Shinji's face slowly, "in a moment."

---

There had been fifteen minutes of slow breaths after Rei's movements had slowed into stillness before Kodama got up slowly and went in search of her sister and clean underwear. Fifteen minutes of a rhythm she was intimately familiar with, different only in that she breathed in time with him, their breath mingling in the air, where Rei breathed in counterpoint, inhaling him in and sharing her own breath which would probably have been enough to make him drunk if he had been awake.

They hadn't moved when she returned a few minutes later and lay down, sliding her hand under his shirt against his warm damp skin, and barely fifteen seconds after she closed her eyes that she joined them in sleep.

---

Saturday Morning

"Where's Shinji?" Hikari asked as she put food in front of the two people who should know. Admittedly she'd been too worried to have first breakfast and had actually gotten up before him to make second, but everyone else was up now.

"Asleep," responded Rei in a tone that suggested anyone who attempted to change that wouldn't live long.

"Hungry," came his voice from the kitchen door, "I smelled your cooking, darling."

Hikari stared at him, her instant blush fading as the blood drained from her face. He'd said that in English, and in the casual, sleepy, affectionate tone the not-him she'd married used when he'd been the one up all night with their second child. The sound of his voice, that tone, directed at her, brought faded memories of impossible dreams to sharp focus.

He wasn't looking back at her though.

"Ibi-chan? I didn't dream you too?"

Kodama turned a shade only slightly lighter than the dried tomatoes in her omelet.

Asuka smirked, "Oh, that's a good one, and no internal organs, well done."

Kodama looked at her, her eyes widening in horror.

"He has a pet name for you. Even Hikari only gets 'darling', and she's had eight of his children." There's an edge to her words and not all of it is affection.

"Four!" objects Hikari before she has time to think this is a bad idea in front of her sister who was supposed to be coming over later to agree that she's dating the person they are talking about.

"If I agree it was four and not three, do I get food?" a somewhat more awake Shinji asked over the head of the Rei in his arms.

---

The room had been silent while Shinji ate half of Kodama's breakfast and Hikari finished making a new full one for both of them.

"Ibi-chan?" Hikari asked Asuka, rather than the two people still eating.

"If you can't work it out, you'll have to ask them, and I have a feeling they won't tell you either. It's personal, you should be happy, isn't it what you wanted?"

Kodama swallowed, licked her lips, glanced at Shinji, suppressed the urge to kiss him and responded to her sister, "Maya hasn't."

Asuka grinned, "Point for me!"

"Assuming you got it right," points out Shinji between bites, "and if you try to say you're always right..." he wiggled the fingers of his free hand at her threateningly.

"You are not completely healed," interrupted Rei, "and there are two of us."

Everyone stared at Rei, except Kodama who was examining the remains of her breakfast intently.

Rei just stole a piece of Shinji's food and calmly ate it.

---

Kodama took a plate out of the other end of the drainer from where Hikari had put the last one and started to dry it.

"I'll be back for dinner, I agreed and I promised Rei, but there won't be any of whatever you were plotting."

"I"

"This is why we aren't," Kodama interrupted Hikari's denial. "One of the reasons."

"But you came, you brought him back when even Rei was too scared, and she's always so calm when things happen."

"I can't do it every time."

"Every time? How often has this happened?"

"I've come home, made dinner and sat with him for hours before he noticed I was even there often enough to know that's the best thing to do."

"Oh. You love him like that."

"Well, it's not for the sex that's for sure."

"Kodama!"

"I know you know, and yes I'm counting everything you do and I still barely need my second hand. Having a quiet night where all we do is cuddle and talk is a good day, because it means we both got through the night and he was still there in the morning. If it was always like that, even you couldn't separate us, but it's like last night too and he refuses to let me live like that even if I could."

"Rei..."

"Is far more human than she thinks she is, and..."

"And what? You can't leave me hanging."

"I can and I'm not going to tell you most of what we talked about, but stubbornness is a family trait and if I was so shallow a word from her could push me away she'd have said it and been right to do so."

Hikari nods, "Loving them isn't easy."

"Four?"

"Oh shut up. It wasn't real, and I knew it then and you're the one of us who's slept with him naked."

"So you are a prude after all."

"I married her as soon as I could, and you know what it was like," she glances over her shoulder at where her wife is sitting on one side of the couch with her feet in Shinji's lap, "Still is sometimes, though she's the one I worry about least. At least when she runs away I know I don't have far to go to find her, and she'll be in good hands until I do."

"What else did I miss?"

"I'll tell you later, somewhere there's no chance of him hearing. Let's just say that that," she nods in the direction of the living room where Rei is holding the hand that Asuka isn't, "is a bigger miracle than her agreeing to marry me."

---

Sunday Morning

Kodama had woken when Rei got up to help Hikari with breakfast and Shinji had rolled over and placed an arm around her and an erection against her butt. She was used to one of those, she could definitely get used to the rest, especially the last part. Unfortunately in a short while she was going to have to get up and go home to finish her research for the class that started far too early tomorrow morning.

Yesterday had been an odd day. She'd gone home, cried on the bed, washed and got dressed in something more suitable for dinner with her boyfriend's family than panicked wading in the ocean, not that she'd known she was going to be doing that, she'd barely thrown a coat on over her after-school relaxing clothes. She'd caught herself, it was just dinner with her sister and her wife and their housemate not anything close to as serious as her thoughts had implied, then decided she didn't care and dressed up anyway.

Rei had, of course, made things weird. Weirder. Until she realised what was happening. Somehow Rei wasn't hungover, though it was possible she was still drunk. What she was was clingy, never leaving Shinji's side even when he needed a bathroom break, always in some degree of physical contact, eating one handed so she could continue holding his hand. That was understandable, except the bathroom part, he might have needed her to hold him up while Rei washed the beach out of his hair with aggressive efficiency that morning, but she wasn't doing so while he peed when he was quite capable of doing so himself.

It wasn't even the way she'd told him that just because she was there was no excuse not to kiss his lover properly and insisted he did it again. It was probably the way she's stopped calling him weird terms of affection and called him 'onii-chan' most of the day.

At least she hadn't gotten 'onee-chan', except from her own sister who had turned and smiled at her after losing another game to Asuka. That's when she'd finally put together everything from Asuka's tight hug when she returned, to the weight of Rei as she napped against Shinji's chest while he leaned against her.

None of which left any room in her head for her studies.

The scents of breakfast had reached them which meant she only had a few more minutes to enjoy this pleasant distraction from the outside world.

Notes:

Unexpected Kodama, to my, and her, surprise. She wasn't originally in this chapter, but Asuka had ideas and Rei needed to talk. Asuka wasn't an option for some of the topics and Kodama would understand things Asuka couldn't cope with right now.

So this is twice as long as originally and took a lot longer to get through. Hopefully the pieces all work.

This was the last of the original "Angst Arc" / "Mayday" set, originally planned for December before things got more complicated. Obviously nothing is simple, but there's some WAFF on the horizon.

Chapter 48: Running up That Hill

Summary:

2021, January, Monday

Toji was a little out of breath and not bothering to hide it. It was too early in the morning to bother with that sort of thing and the only witness to his limits was the redhead running seemingly effortlessly beside him.

He knew it wasn't that effortless and she'd be panting in a few minutes. He also knew she was currently the closest thing he had to a girlfriend, what with being a friend if no longer really a girl, and the only thing that was bothering him more than that thought right now was that she wasn't being annoying about it.

He could count the number of his female friends who weren't exes just using his ears, he didn't even need a hand, and he really hoped that whatever was bothering this one wasn't the other one. He was almost certain it wasn't. He would have heard, or rather not heard a thing, from Hikari if there was trouble there. But he'd seen her a couple of days ago when she brought Nozomi something for another unplanned sleepover. If anything, she'd looked pleased with herself the way she used to in school, back when he had even less idea what was going on than he did today.

"Ya going to tell me or do I have to ask?" he asked as they slowed as the path turned winding through this stretch of trees. They could both take it at much higher speed, and he'd watched her form as she did so a couple of times, but not if they were to stay close without running into each other.

"You just did," she responded between gulps of air.

That she hadn't insulted him made him even more worried. It wasn't serious these days, it hadn't been since before the end of the world, even if she sounded more so when they had company. She slowed to a walk and he settled in beside her, ducking past the occasional branch that she walked blithely under and over a patch of what might have been water but could be slippery ice here out of the sun.

"So?"

"I need to talk to Shinji's girlfriend."

"What did Rei do this time?" Then his brain caught up, "It's not Rei? How? The world's still here."

Asuka snorts, "She's encouraging it. And it's my sister-in-law. Who might also be dating Ibuki. He's encouraging that."

"Lieutenant Ibuki?" She was the only Ibuki he could think of that they both knew. "Wow. Kodama really does have a type."

At one point he might have been annoyed at Shinji's ability to attract cute, pretty and hot women when he struggled to maintain a single relationship. He thought he knew, and it definitely wasn't worth it, though it did make him wonder what was wrong with Kodama. Not that he'd ask, but Ayanami had always been strange and he knew many of the things wrong with Asuka.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nuthing. So you bein' jealous or protective?"

"No! Maybe? I don't know!"

"No wonder you're in such a mood. You're not upset he didn't choose you?"

She turned and he raised a protective arm instinctively. She stepped back so they were out of each other's strike zone and shook her head, "I don't share and neither does my wife."

It was still a little weird to him, them actually being married and all, but he wasn't going to let the people he'd grown up around affect his friendships, even if he couldn't always get them out of his head. He just didn't quite recognize the tone she'd used and he thought he knew her well enough to know them all. Except the obvious ones he never wanted to be unfortunate enough to overhear, there were some things that could be more nightmares than dreams, definitely if they featured Asuka.

"So this is new, and ya don't know if she's going to treat him right and if it goes sideways it's going to be really awkward."

"It's not new! They've been having dinner and sleepovers for two years, and she treats him better than I've been doing. She managed to pry him off the fucking beach during one of his episodes. Rei was drunk and I'd have made it worse."

He reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder but thinks better of it before making contact. It's not that they never touch, but it's always a practical thing not something they are emotional about. Still, she really looks like she needs a hug and she can't have been out of the house more than an hour at the speed she'd been going when he intercepted her. She'll never admit it of course, but he should offer just in case she'll accept. He owes her that and far more.

"Ya look like ya need a hug. I could do the lift-hug thing baby-sis likes, I'm taller and I still beat you on upper body strength."

She kicked at his shin but she didn't put any serious effort into it, it was just a warning, "Not from you, you big oaf!"

"So what's bugging ya? The nightmare of living with two Horakis or children?"

"She's not moving in. Even if she wanted to, we don't have the space and not even the end of the world could keep Rei away from her cuddles."

He noted that she hadn't even responded to the second half of his attempt to provoke her into talking and decided to leave that well alone. She hadn't even glared at him for bringing it up so he'd been off the mark.

"He ain't going to love you any less just..."

Hitting the cold hard ground briefly knocked the wind out of him. He'd been right about the ice if the ground was cold enough that the remaining heat from running was rapidly draining out through his tracksuit.

He lifted his head cautiously but all he could see were trees and a rapidly receding flash of red weaving between them.

He picked himself up carefully, making sure he wasn't going to slip and fall on his ass. He brushed the dirt and a couple of frozen leaves off and started planning his route back. Normally he'd just follow her lead until they returned but somehow he didn't think he'd be seeing her again today.

Notes:

Writing Toji PoV was a bit odd as he's somewhat out of the loop but also far more thoughtful than most people give him credit for. Hopefully it worked even if I didn't get his tone as distinct as I'd have liked.

Chapter 49: Interregnum 57

Summary:

Post Impact

Shinji sat on the beach next to the warm fire watching the shore for an Asuka. He had no hopes it would be her, the last one had been bald in places Asuka wasn't and completely devoid of freckles. He'd studied a lot of Asukas, looking for any possible hint after exhausting the chances of finding any explanations. He'd never have had the chance with a real one, even an armless Asuka wouldn't be harmless, but more than once he'd been studying the faint patterns on her face when her breath stopped brushing his own.

What he had found was a hairbrush. Not normally a critical piece of equipment, his own hair needed little more than a comb even when he had any reason to smooth it out. He'd bathed a couple of days ago when he took the last Asuka home and had drunk a nice warm cup of Rei for her wake. There wasn't any fresh water for bathing, it hadn't rained and he hadn't gone far enough inland, but he was used to the scent of blood and salt even when it wasn't his own.

The hairbrush was important today.

Rei was sitting in his lap, her hair was longer than when he'd known her, and all sorts of tangled. Her small hands were resting on his knees and her feet were held carefully still so her squirming didn't cause an ouchy.

It was rather strange talking to a Rei the size of a three to four year old, with the speech patterns of a nine year old and a vocabulary that far exceeded his own. He'd had stranger dreams, some of which he wasn't sure if they were real or not. Today was not one of the days he wondered if he was real, it was hard to do when Rei was there. He would have to try to remember to look for ribbons next time he left the shore long enough, seaweed was too fragile for bows and while the tattered remains of red plugsuits were sturdier they were the wrong color and the wrong memories.

He brushed through another tangle, being careful not to tug. This was Rei, she had told him this quite clearly and he'd have known even if he hadn't, but he could imagine a different world where this was his daughter and Rei was just out of sight putting out a picnic dinner. A very different world that didn't smell of blood and where the tears on his face were from happiness.

"A while longer, brusher of my hair. The world too."

---

Shinji licked the remains of the fish off his burnt fingers. It must have come from much further inland than he'd been. It didn't taste of blood or salt, unlike the Rei who had woken him in the night.

Little Rei had fallen asleep on him after a busy evening of playing with glowing sticks from the fire. He didn't worry about her being hurt, he knew she'd be gone by morning, and despite her playfulness she was careful.

The same couldn't be said for himself, but he'd been hungry for once when he woke up alone to find she'd left him breakfast in the embers of the fire. It didn't matter anyway, there would be no traces left to show she'd even been there by the time he'd pulled today's Asuka from the ocean unless he could manage to keep the water out of his mouth this time. If he could keep the pain from his burnt tongue, perhaps today would feel like a real day.

Fifty seven wasn't a particularly auspicious number, but a meal and the urgent, demanding kisses Rei had woken him with in the middle of the night were perhaps possessive, a reminder that he was already in the water, wading out to the patch of redder-than-the-water drifting towards the shore.

---

"You know I love you both," he told Asuka as her head lay in his lap. 

It had taken him quite a long time to work that out. He'd meant it the first time he said it but he hadn't understood. He'd been fourteen, maybe he still was, it was hard to tell. He'd held Hikari's hand while she gave birth to their youngest, and their oldest had been Nozomi's age when that world dissolved into the mist it came from. A comfortable life in vignettes not years.

Asuka's hair was slightly sticky and gritty with salt and sand as he tried to untangle it. It had a sense of reality, unlike so many other things. He didn't know how long he'd been back here on the beach this time either. If he lost time it was sleep or his mind breaking again not the world deciding that comfortable and enticing was more important than another sleepless night with a head in his lap and a fussing child in his arms. He'd rather have the sleepless nights, it was better than the nightmares he had here when he couldn't tell if he was asleep or not.

Hikari had been good at giving him a perspective he'd never have reached alone. He was never alone of course, but Rei was complicated in ways he only understood if he didn't try to think about it.  Asuka was simple, he loved the person she was, the person she tried to be, and hated all the things about her that reminded him of himself. She was also as hot as he was clueless and he'd seen a whole naked Asuka several times now. It was much easier to talk to her here, to tell her things he'd never said, to let his thoughts out without fear that she'd actually respond to anything.

"It's a lot simpler with you of course. Admittedly it was your body I was first attracted to, before I found you were as annoying as you were beautiful. You were very proud of it. I'm sure I'll find it around here somewhere."

 

 

 

Chapter 50: Intentions and Other Exchanges

Summary:

2021, Early February

Asuka puts her elbows on the table and rests her chin on the back of her hands.

Shinji looks at her and bursts out laughing.

"Shoo, you. I have something serious to discuss with Kodama."

Shinji sighs dramatically, "Kodama can I borrow the SDAT back for a bit? I need to go lay in my room depressed because my father doesn't love me and my roommate's annoying."

He doesn't bother blocking the cushion that bounces of his shoulder as he retreats.

Asuka blinks, "He gave you his tape thing? Seriously? That was his mother's!"

Kodama nods, "Father's actually, the tape was his mother's, and he didn't tell me either of those until a year later, he just said that if it didn't annoy you it wouldn't annoy my neighbors. It was music he liked, so it was part of getting to know him in ways he didn't know how to say."

"It did annoy me, but not because I could half-hear what he was listening to. He used to take it everywhere, playing it endlessly whenever he was moping around, which was most of the time. I didn't understand why then."

"So what did you want to talk to me about? I assume it's not that he was so annoying you had to kiss him."

"He's gotten a lot better."

Asuka pauses, realises what she just said and to whom and blushes, "It was just once! I meant he's better at being annoying, but he does it deliberately rather than being old baka-Shinji. He's sometimes more like he was when I first met him, before everything went to shit."

She pauses and studies the older woman for a moment. Not that much older, but she can see the resemblance and differences from her wife. It's not just the height of course, even if that's the most noticeable thing from a distance. Closer, it's the shape of her face, the curve of her ear, the way she holds herself, her hair is darker and her eyes a different shade. They almost always wear their hair differently, but that changes from day to day, though Kodama would never be as adorable as her wife in twin-tails. This is clearly not the woman she loves, but it is one Shinji does. Her Shinji. Their Shinji. Rei's Shinji in ways she wishes she didn't understand and ones she's glad she doesn't.

Shinji joking about his Faher was... quite possibly because of this woman. Certainly she hadn't been up to being the proper friend Shinji needed and Rei was possibly held together by willpower and cuddles.

"So." She paused for dramatic effect, "What are your intentions towards our Shinji?"

"My intentions? Is this a marriage interview?"

"Well if his Father ever shows up I'll kill him before either Shinji or Rei sees him - I can run much faster than either of them, Rei would let me, and he's on the 'keep the hell away from me' part of Shinji's list - and you know where his mother is and she'd rather be a giant robot than give a flying fuck about her son. You're clearly intelligent enough to not suggest Rei is any sort of parental figure to him so you get me. Unless you'd rather have Hikari."

"You know he's older than you?"

"He was soup on the only birthday that would have made us the same age, I'm quite aware he might be older than you are because he's still a terrible liar."

"Are you counting..."

"No!" Asuka interrupts, "No, we don't count delusion-land for anything. The world was half put back together the first time I came back, I don't think even Rei knows how much time he spent alone, he certainly doesn't. He lost count of how many times he buried me, what makes you think you can fill that hole?"

"A hundred and three."

"Huh?"

"Rei didn't lose count."

"Oh. Shit. That's even worse."

"In what way?"

"He lost count before a hundred. If it had been thousands," Asuka took a deep breath, "if it had been thousands before he lost track that would make sense. If it was less than a hundred? It was far worse than he told us. If she's giving an exact number she knows. If Rei knows it means she kept doing it even though she knew what it was doing to him. Which means me not coming back was an even worse option."

"How many times have you watched him die?"

"One. It didn't last long. Unless you count the time he turned himself into soup for so long the only person who didn't think he was dead was Rei, for some reason that made no sense."

"It will next time. Rei wasn't exactly coherent, but I think she was implying there's a time limit, and it's already passed for everyone except Shinji and then only if he's on the beach, or maybe Miyatsuka when that fails."

She sighs, "It's already too late for me not to be terrified of when that next time will be. Even if it's fifty years from now. I can imagine going through it once. I can't imagine twice, and he watched most of the important people in his life killed. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't have made it to two not even ten and certainly not a hundred.

"I know what it's like to come home and not know if today is going to be one of the days he's actually there. I've done that often enough, but at least I know that he's alive even if it's not with me. That he'll come when he can even if it's not as often as either of us would like.

"He watched you die. He didn't know if you'd be back, in a day, a week, a month, never. He was terrified of leaving the beach even to try to find food in case he missed you the next time. Hoping it might really be you. Only for you to die on him again."

There are things Kodama doesn't say, she knew how they'd sound to Asuka even if she was being as literal as Shinji was when he'd said he had Misato's blood on his hands, and that the reason he wasn't alright after Maya had gone home had nothing to do with bruises or jealousy. She didn't know if any of Asuka's later deaths had been worse than the first and she wasn't going to give herself more nightmares by asking anyone.

Asuka had done the math herself of course. Permutations based on the replay of what he had said that looped in her head for several days afterwards. That he couldn't see a pattern didn't mean there wasn't one, just not one obvious enough to a broken mind that may or may not have been imagining some of it. That meant not every day and not once a week. He'd said days or weeks not months, and now she had an actual number to work with that meant probably around a year. A year of watching her die over and over. 

Her own nightmares contained her wife's death, sometimes over and over, but it was a singular event her mind kept repeating. Not a different one every night for months without an end in sight. And Hikari was always alive in the morning when she woke, warm, breathing, comfortable, beautiful. Not a dead body that fell apart like a broken doll.

Worse, because the thing Kodama hadn't quite said was the constant dread, the fear of the next time at an unpredictable interval. She had never been afraid of the next Angel, that was what she was trained for, what she was best at, but Hikari had been terrified. A lot more so after they were dating and she had to head to a shelter while her girlfriend fought and possibly died. She was fine of course, but nearly dying over and over must have worn on Shinji, but she hadn't been able to see it until it was far too late.


"You didn't know?" Kodama's calm interruption of her thoughts disturbs Asuka more than any other reaction.

"What part?"

"How much he loves you."

"It's Idiot Dummkopf Shinji! Abandoned, neglected and fourteen. What did he know about love?"

"You didn't love my sister?"

"I was thirteen! Hormones, affection and near death experiences at best, she was the one who took undying love literally. Certainly it wasn't like I do now. Not watch me die in his arms a hundred times and then go back for my wife. That goes so far past 'did she kiss you properly' you couldn't see it from orbit unless you were our local Deus Ex Machina."

"Do you know why Rei always looked like she needed a hair cut?"

"I assume there's a good reason for that non sequitur."

"It was recut that way every time she went in for a memory backup. Because the only way Shinji's father could pretend to care about Rei enough to manipulate her was if she looked just enough like his mother that he could pretend, and Yui got a professional hair cut the day before she died because she wanted to look perfect for her last day as a human. So Rei's hair never matched the last memory Shinji has of his mother even if you can tell what parts of their faces they inherited from her. She never lets Megumi style it the same way now either, even if she would look cute that way when she has it short."

Asuka tried not to feel guilty about not knowing any of this and failed. Rei has said she was more Lilith. How much more? How much of Shinji's mother had they used? What else had they used to create a stable human enough person out of the same alien flesh that created something like an Evangelion? Did her cells even need mitochondria? How much more Lilith were the remains of Yui now? How did Rei cope? Was the reason they didn't already have children was that Rei was a different species rather than something as irrelevant as what they built Rei out of?

"That's why Rei chose him, not because he couldn't love, but because he could love so deeply but not so obsessively he would end the world just to get her back. He's not so focused that he gets lost in one person because he's not going to forget the second person he fell in love with either. He can get so lost he forgets he is loved."

Kodama doesn't say the other thing she knows, it's not hers to share, that Rei was shaped by both the man who raised her - for a definition of 'raised' that was surpassed in only a few months by his inexperienced son - and the woman who's DNA was used to make her look more human. She had been so deeply, so single mindedly, in love that she'd rebuilt the entire world in far better shape than it had started just for a chance of another kiss, just a few moments of clasped hands and entwined fingers. Rei had gotten far more than that, and so so had she.

"He never forgets Rei."

"It took the end of the world for them to notice it was love at first sight! Sometimes he needs a reminder that he is loved. That can't always be me - I'm not that strong. I can't always be there the way I was last time, and I'm almost certain I can't love anyone the way he does, but it can't always be Rei either.

"So for now, I can't commit to anything more than I have. To see him when we're both up to it and to take a little of the load off Rei before she's human enough to have to worry about her liver."

Asuka nods, she hadn't been sure what to expect, but this wasn't it. Kodama knew far more than she'd thought and there were probably at least a hundred things she hadn't said. There would be time, hopefully, for her to find out, but if she started asking those questions she wouldn't finish with today's. Hikari would be proud of her, if her wife was allowed in this conversation, she was actually listening and not making assumptions that she already knew the answers, or interrupting with all those questions.

"She did promise me grandchildren." Kodama adds into the momentary silence.

"WHAT!?"

Asuka is loud enough to have summoned her housemates, including Rei from outside in the garden, if they didn't already expect some levels of either alarm or outrage to reach their ears.

"Well, she didn't specify whose. She implied they'd be mine and Shinji's, but she could have meant her own, or Shinji's and Megumi's - in which case I'm going to have a very long life."

Asuka shakes her head, "I think she's just teasing Shinji, or possibly Megumi. The Tanakas know about Rei's biology, but Rei took a year before she made their garden, so I'm not sure what sort of friendship it is."

"Well, she called Rei "the cuddle monster" and Rei didn't seem to be surprised she was making us all breakfast in your kitchen the morning after your wedding. Oh, I guess that makes twice I've had to help carry him home."

"Why don't I know about this?" Asuka asked in the hope that she could at least reduce the number of things she didn't know a little more.

"He was fine! After he'd had some sleep anyway. He was even more exhausted than he was letting on, you know what he's like, and he wasn't going to do anything that might spoil your wedding day. I don't think he even noticed that Rei put him on her bed until after I'd failed to persuade him to let me join him in the shower the next morning. It's a very nice shower, but he definitely wasn't in the same mood I was so I still haven't gotten to share it with him. Even Rei was giving him space, and I hadn't seen him alone for a couple of months before the wedding, so I wasn't going to intrude any longer than I had."

Asuka is torn between being pleased that someone was admiring her work, and annoyed that this is the first time she's hearing about this.

"Don't worry, we didn't sully your apparently magnificent bed, I slept on his. Which you can imagine what my sister would have been like if she'd known about." 

Kodama omits the minor detail that they were in the same room, and Maya was in Shinji's bed with her. She doesn't have Maya's permission to disclose that, or where Maya had ended up, and it would probably derail the conversation further even if she did. If she remembers she'll check with Maya when she sees her, which is delightfully soon, but Maya is distracting even when she's not naked so there's a high chance she'll forget.

"Which one? I had to listen to Toji complaining about his sister complaining about your sister going on about Shinji. I think Sakura's just embarrassed because it reminds her what she was like."

"I meant Hikari, she's going to be gloating even more if I pass. At least Shinji doesn't do that."

"What did he do?" Asuka can take a hint even if it wasn't there.

"He finally came over a month later to check on me. Well, I came home to find dinner on the table, my tiny little freezer crammed full and the fridge stacked with bentos that would be the envy of my classmates, but I knew what he was doing. At least he stayed until after dinner and hugged me before he left. I was putting the dishes away when I noticed he'd left behind a pamphlet from a hot springs hotel. There's times he can be romantic, in his way, but he'd barely talked and we weren't ... anyway, I picked it up and a picture postcard fell out. Apparently it took me a lot less time than it did him to work out that the neat kanji in the corner could be pronounced 'Maya'."

Asuka smiles in unsurprised affection, "You'll have to tell Maya he doesn't do subtle."

"Well, from the looks of things they did get a little bigger but probably not from the heat."

Asuka groans, "He told you about that too?"

"During the fourth time I sat in his lap naked he told me a few stories trying to explain why it wasn't my fault he hadn't gotten the hint. Admittedly the first time was just after he'd finished washing vomit out of my hair, so I forgave him for that one. So you could have tried the same thing and he'd probably have just taken off his shirt to cover you. At least Rei's got him believing that someone could actually be interested in him occasionally."

Asuka shakes her head, "He knows you are."

Kodama pauses for a moment, trying to work out what to say.

She knew Asuka well, directly and indirectly from two different perspectives, and she was comfortable enough talking to her about Shinji. Hopefully she hadn't gone too far again, trying to show she knew him well enough to even be having this conversation, but she wasn't ready to discuss what she really wanted, which didn't just consist of many more cuddle piles with one less person and a lot less sleeping. She hadn't even had chance to talk to Shinji about it and that conversation was going to be a lot harder. She hadn't worked out yet if it was going to be better or worse since he had so casually mentioned he loved her. In actual words.

"It doesn't really matter what I intend. I didn't intend to be seventeen and pregnant, but I was and I would still have been if the world hadn't ended. I'm not that girl anymore, but I'm never going to be Hikari either, a quiet comfortable life with a dozen children isn't going to happen even if I wanted it to."

Asuka snorts, "A dozen is it now?"

"Hikari's ideal life was always a large family of her own. If she could safely have a dozen children, I wouldn't have been surprised if she did."

"Instead she got me, and I can't..."

"You think she isn't happy with the one she's got? She knew exactly what she was getting herself into when she married you, she'd had almost the full five years and I know you don't think she's the idiot you still call Shinji or you wouldn't have agreed. Even more so now, but Shinji wouldn't leave her any more than he would you, because you're all family. It's not a traditional one the way she might have imagined it when she was twelve, but it's hers and that's what matters.

"I'm not going to interfere with that, or try to get between Shinji and Rei, or object to you waking up in his bed. Though I would prefer you do less damage in the process if possible, or at least trim your nails shorter than 'well Hikari didn't complain' on both hands."

Before Asuka can respond, Kodama continues, "Maya called to ask if she could stay with me, so you don't have to worry about that."

Asuka blinked.

"I assumed that was why we're having this conversation today and not at the weekend."

Asuka shakes her head, "We're having it today because otherwise you would be getting your sister and I'm trying not to let my wife annoy you so much you decide it's not worth it again. If I let her she'd be planning a wedding for next week so you would be married before you have making babies type sex. I didn't expect Maya to take my request to talk to her next time she's here to mean right away. I wanted her to play interpreter for Rei, but should I be having this conversation with her instead?"

"No!" Kodama takes a breath and continues at a lower volume, "She's my friend, and the only person I have who doesn't live in this house who hasn't judged me for liking men and women. One of the only people who even know, because even if people don't know they are talking about me they are. So please don't scare her off."

"The Tanakas wouldn't, if you decided to let them know what they've probably already guessed.  And do you want to? Shinji had plans for two floors but we needed the second one a lot less than we needed to not be crammed into that apartment together."

"No to that too. I need my own space, and we haven't even managed three days together without having something happen."

"You're going to live five kilometres away for the next fifty years?"

"It doesn't take that long, less the way Shinji runs when he's not injured or carrying a week's worth of food to leave me. I don't want to be that far, but I can't live with him until I can leave a dirty cup in the sink for more than thirty seconds."

Asuka laughs, "I'd try to tell you he's not that bad, but you'd know I was lying. He's not always that bad, though I know what you mean about living with him, and you're just using that as an indicator of the last pile of sand. He'd definitely doing better today, he didn't even pick up the cushion I threw at him, and I am paying enough attention to know that's partly because you're here. Not just today, though that's definitely helped his mood, but all the other times."

Asuka gets up and picks up the cushion, sitting back down with it in her lap. She's happy and irritated and she'll deal with her own emotions later.

"Were you serious about fifty years?"

"Closer to sixty. He claimed that he'd still find me attractive when I was eighty and I intend to find out. He's helped enough old women out of the sea, and seen enough old couples who were happy not to be still dead because it meant they got a little more time together, that he claimed he knows. But I know all I get might be sixty days not years. Things might never be more than they are now, or our friendship might change to remove the sex and kissing, or Rei, or you, might need him more than I do. I don't want things to turn out that way but I know that they might."

"Or you might fall in love with someone else?"

"You don't do subtle either. If that someone objects to whatever my relationship with him is at the time, I now know a rocky prominence that I can kick them off. If he objects to them, after I got him to admit it, he wouldn't make me choose, and he'd be completely wrong about expecting me to choose them. He's got a much better record of loving the right people than I do. Even if it took two years for him to admit I was one of them, and almost as long for me to believe I qualified."

"You'd trust him with a veto?"

"I already trust him with my life and my sanity. I wouldn't take only his word for it of course, I've no delusions that he's infallible, but he does know me better than anyone else and I'm not the same person I was when he carried me out of the ocean."

Asuka nods quietly. That's the closest she's ever heard Kodama admit to something happening to her in dreamland and she's not going to make the mistake of prying into it.

"Or Hikari's," Kodama glances at the closed door to the room her sister shares with Asuka, "even if she was right this time."

Asuka grins, "Don't worry, I won't tell her you said that, she'll be bad enough as it is. Speaking of my wife, are you staying for more than dinner? Because she's not going to let you get out of at least that much."

"I..."

"I do not mind sleeping alone tonight," interjects Rei, having just emerged from Shinji's room and passing them by on the way to the kitchen cupboards. The conversation remains suspended until she retrieves a cullender and a pair of shears.

"Nor do I object to your plans for Saturday evening. I will be in the garden gathering ingredients for another twenty minutes. Do you require longer?"

Asuka looked at Kodama who shook her head, "No, we'll be done by then, Rei. Come back when you're ready and let Hikari know so she can start dinner."

Rei nods and quickly disappears out the nearest door.

"Saturday?"

"Maya asked me to invite Shinji for dinner, she wanted to ask him something. She didn't say what, before you ask. He's probably going to insist on cooking so might be back late."

Kodama glances at Shinji's door, "and I'm not staying past dinner, I have classes and no willpower."

"And there's nothing less romantic than your little sister handing you a box of condoms with a smug look on her face."

"That wouldn't stop me, which is why I'm going home."

"You're at least staying long enough for him to kiss you properly."

Asuka is promptly hit in the face by the cushion from the chair next to Kodama.

Chapter 51: Ducks and Other Signs of Spring

Summary:

2021, Mid March

Notes:

A time skip over the Important Conversations and Completely Expected By Now Maya, because the author is not getting those pieces finished any time soon and whatever happens it won't get in the way of the ducks.

Shinji hung his coat up to dry by the door and turned to find Asuka leaning over Rei who was sitting at the kitchen table working on something that seemed to require many pieces of paper, some of them large and at least half of the coloured pencil set he'd found for Rei's last birthday. At least paper was one of the things that wasn't in short supply, other than the high quality paper Rei was currently drawing on of course, that came from a specialist art store even before the Impact.

Asuka looked up.

"Hi. Anta-baka? Nevermind, of course you are, you only took one umbrella. Did you at least remember to leave it with your girlfriend or did you get too distracted?"

Shinji smiles. it was technically his fault Kodama needed one of their umbrellas and not her own, and not just because everything, including the current weather, was his fault.

"You had the other one remember, Rei was dragging you around somewhere that neither of you bothered to tell me. And yes, I gave Kodama the umbrella with her lunch."

"I bet that's not all you gave her," Asuka's tone was teasing with a slight tone of sadness.

"So what are you two up to, and did you remember to eat?" Shinji doesn't ignore Asuka, but the best thing to do is distract her with something that takes her mind off her wife's temporary absence. It's only been a couple of days, but it's the longest they've been apart since he carried Hikari home from the sea the second time. There were some things he still wasn't ready to talk about and Asuka wasn't ready to hear, especially today when Hikari wasn't where Asuka could see her. Why Hikari would be away for at least another week this time wasn't one of them, but that didn't make Asuka any happier about it.

Rei lifts her head to look at him but keeps sketching whatever it is as he walks over, "Ducks."

Asuka shakes her head, not even bothering to look exasperated, "As you've noticed, it's been raining a lot, so the drainage pool finally has some water in it. Which apparently means Rei needs me to help plan the topology for the wetlands that will help attract ducks to eat the algae so the water stays clear enough for swimming - there's a whole lecture on the ecology of ponds and the symbiosis of everything needed which I'm sure Rei will be happy to repeat for you - especially as some of the run off we get isn't the cleanest so I'm also having to plan out plumbing to recirculate water through Rei's biological filtration system without it shredding the fish and restructuring about a third of the area that's going to be partially underwater. The hard way."

"It's Thursday. No Terraforming on Thursdays," Rei announced as if this was a well known fact. "We ate lunch."

"I'll give Asuka your kiss then," Shinji responded before taking off to chase Asuka around the table several times before finally catching her and planting a kiss on the top of her head.

"Dummer Riesen-Shinj", Asuka grumbled but didn't do anything to stop him wrapping his arms around her.

She'd mostly gotten over her anticipatory distress and his hugs were annoyingly comfortable. His playfulness was a distinct change from his mood last week even if she knew it was partly him trying to distract her. He was doing it because he cared, Rei was doing it because she wanted ducks. Rei was surprisingly far more effective - keeping her intellect engaged and focused, Shinji was stirring up emotions and making her miss her wife's hugs.

"Temperature gradient or do you need me to barter for a panel for the pump?"

"Both probably, seeing as Rei gave us winters again and the pond's not large enough to be self sustaining if she takes a day off." She presses a little closer, only the lower part of his legs and feet are wet, the rest of him is warm, dry and reassuring, "I never thought I'd miss the eternal summer here, but the cold and damp is getting to me. Black paint will probably be easier to get hold of though, and we've got the extra pipe we'd need from the salvage during the excavation."

Neither of them bothered discussing the pump, Asuka could probably assemble one in her sleep at this point and the sealant would probably be the hardest part to find, but a little leakage in something meant to move water around the pond wouldn't be the same problem as it would indoors.

"Should I leave you to it?"

"Tea?"

"Good idea Rei, I'll dry off and make tea. Then you can show me your plans as I'm sure I'm going to end up helping."

Notes:

Dummer Riesen-Shinj She's complaining about him being tall, but Giant Shinji is overstating the 10cm height difference just a bit.

Chapter 52: Childhood Revisited

Summary:

2021, March 30

It's Rei's birthday. Which one is the question.

Notes:

This is actually out of sequence, and happens after quite a few other things that are still in the WIP pile. So if you think you've missed something, that may be why.

It is however the birthday of Megumi Hayashibara, Rei's voice actor, and as the rest of the character's birthdays are the same as their actors, it's the fandom consensus birthday for Rei (and Yui).

So you get this one early.

Shinji opened his door.

"Help?" Asuka sounded plaintive and confused, so it probably wasn't urgent.

"Rei's in the kitchen."

---

"You told Onii-chan," pouted Rei as they walked in.

"See."

"Hmph!" Rei sat up and attempted to look dignified, "You can not treat me like a child. I am thirteen. That is almost an adult!"

Shinji attempted to hold back the laughter and failed. Rei's imitation of Asuka would have been almost perfect. Except Rei's face and hands were smeared red, blue and purple with streaks up through her hair where she'd brushed it out of her face. What was left of the long braid he'd plaited this morning was apparently held together by twigs. Or possibly berry juice and the twigs were ornamental, accidental or both. The elbows she had resting on the table either side of an almost empty bowl were about the colour of Hikari's hair.

He walked carefully towards the table, there wasn't a risk of stepping on anything, Rei wouldn't waste any of the berries - she'd clearly crawled through the patch picking every ripe one she could find. There was however berry juice on various surfaces and if he didn't keep the table between them there was a high chance Rei would decide to hug him before she'd washed. "Almost an adult" Rei was going to discover that she had some cleaning to do.

"Berries! Birthday! Blue!" announced Rei sounding more like she was four than fourteen.

"Oh? Which one?" He wasn't asking how old she was, she was claiming thirteen today he'd have to cope with that, but which birthday? It obviously wasn't her official one, even Rei couldn't make berries in January. They'd need more than the greenhouse for that and they'd need a lot more for even this many of them to last long enough to have any left to preserve through the winter.

"First," smiled Rei.

Shinji smiled back, "I hope you're not going to celebrate all five like this."

Rei shook her head, somehow avoiding her hair getting in the bowl, not that it would have made much of a difference, the tips were almost Misato's colour and a lot more than her forelocks were streaked.

"Berries. Cake. Party. Planting. Cuddles." Rei ate a single berry between each word.

Rei looked thoughtful for a moment then grinned in the playful way that would have looked quite normal on Hikari but was moderately disturbing on Rei, "Or sex if I am the right age that day."

Shinji blanked and froze.

Asuka burst out laughing.

Neither of them heard the faint click as Hikari captured the scene for posterity, or her own entertainment.

---

"Kodama? Maya?" Rei asked after swallowing the last berry.

Shinji looked at her, "For what?"

"Sexual intercourse. My birthday. You would enjoy it. It would be a nice present."

"Umm."

"I did not mean myself. You have declined Nozomi. I have not yet persuaded Megumi to bear your children. Kodama and Maya..."

"You have WHAT?!" Rei did not get to finish her sentence. Hikari had been trying to ignore the conversation. There were things she needed to know. There were things she wanted to know. The details of Shinji and Rei's sex life, or lack of, did not fall into either.  Which meant it had taken a moment to register and understand what Rei had said.

Shinji buried his face in his hands, leaving a berry stain he wouldn't notice until later.

"Nozomi expressed a fervent desire for Shinji. In some ways she is older than I am. You have not objected to Shinji engaging in sexual activity with me. Shinji did not object to you engaging in sexual activity with Asuka at a younger age."

Asuka opened her mouth to interject.

"He was kinder and clearer in turning her down than Kaji."

Asuka closed her mouth.

"It's your fault anyway Hikari," mumbled Shinji.

"How is it my fault?" demanded Hikari.

"You tried to convince Kodama to ask me out. You'd probably have succeeded if we hadn't already discussed it, you were apparently very convincing."

"So? I still think you'd be good together."

"So Kodama wasn't the only person you convinced, next time you want to suggest I'm as good with other things as I am with my hands you might want to check your baby sister isn't listening in."

"Shit," responded Hikari accurately.

"He is not as good at kissing. He has improved since causing Chihiro to vomit."

Shinji put his head back in his hands.

"You kissed Chihiro and it was so bad she threw up?" asked Asuka incredulously.

Shinji raised his head, there were definite downsides to this actually talking to each other thing, "Megumi talked me into taking Chihiro on a date in an attempt to convince her father she wasn't a lesbian. That part worked. The actual dates were disasters."

"I know about the first one," smiled Hikari with amusement, "The next one managed to be worse?"

"The date part was fine, once I knew what was going on she's actually good company. We bonded over how crap our fathers were, then we actually got along. If it wasn't for what happened later we might have become good friends then." Shinji carefully doesn't bring up the 'what happened', Asuka and Angels were a large part of what happened. "A hug goodbye would have been awkward but fine, but it's ChiChi - she has to go overboard, so she decided that kissing me in front of the open door where her father could see would be extra convincing. It wasn't until later than she told me the reason she ran inside was to throw up where her father couldn't see her."

"So I wasn't your first kiss?" asked Asuka with a frown.

"I don't think that counts," suggested Hikari at the same time as Rei said, "I was."

Hikari and Asuka looked at Rei. Shinji closed his eyes.

"He required practice. So did you as you failed to kiss him properly."

Hikari smiled at Asuka, "Well, she's certainly had plenty of that."

Asuka stuck her tongue out at Hikari. Shinji took one look at Rei and decided he needed to distract her.

"Come on Rei, let's get you cleaned up while Hikari and Asuka make dinner."

Rei looks down at the empty bowl, wipes the last spot of berry juice out of the bottom with a finger and puts it in her mouth.

"Bath? Bubbles?"

Shinji nods, "Sure."

"And Onii-chan?"

Shinji sighs, he's probably going to get soaked getting Rei clean anyway, "As you wish."

 

Chapter 53: Temporal Cuddle Sandwich

Summary:

Some time after one of Rei's other birthdays, Rei wants something else related to the present Shinji gave her.

Notes:

Date unspecified. May be slightly off-canon as the previous Rei birthday chapter, which is still a couple of months ahead of the "current" date when this was published.

This is not a childlike Rei.

He looked up when the bathroom door opened to see Rei standing there in just her underwear.

Well, it was just underwear the way Rei was just a woman. The colour was a perfect match for the hair that flowed over one shoulder and down, highlighting as much as it hid. She'd explain exactly how she managed to get the silk that precise shade, later, much later, after he'd finished admiring it and her, it on her, and up close if not off.

She was, somehow, even more heartstoppingly beautiful. Not literally this time thankfully. This was Rei, as much Rei as she could manage. That she'd asked him to leave the light on hadn't just been so she could take his breath away like this. Probably no one else would notice, no one knew her like he did, but Lilith held herself differently. Lilith had also restarted his heart by sticking her hand in his chest, which was another experience he didn't wish to repeat.

She smiled as she walked slowly towards him. Not that smile, she wanted him alive after all, and that would be just too much.

He'd never really understood women's underwear, despite washing a lot of it over the years, especially the kind that was meant to look attractive to others. Once he'd had the experience to know, he'd far rather observe the shifting light and shadow of Rei's naked body and the flow and texture of her hair. Both of which he'd experienced less than half an hour ago as he dried her off after their bath and combed her hair out until it shone. Both of which Rei loved, once she'd understood it was her, his Rei, that he was watching and touching.

Underwear was for protection and support. Chihiro sometimes got so stiff that Umi asked for him. The embarrassing conversation after the first time, had resulted in him eventually gifting Misato, once she was talking to him again, with something better than what he'd washed for her, back before. Not that he could relieve Misato's shoulder pain any other way yet, that she'd hugged him was a major step, putting his hands and upper body strength to good use wasn't going to happen any time soon. 

He knew why he was thinking about that though, it was his brain desperately trying to keep his body alive by distracting him. Supply lines for silk and dyes. The first picture he had of Misato, Asuka in a sweat soaked sports bra, Chihiro in fancy underwear she'd only ever model for Umi, Kodama in that matching blue set.

None of which did this to him.

It wasn't the almost painful erection, that was a very minor distraction Rei frequently caused, sometimes deliberately.
It wasn't the slow oxygen starvation because he'd stopped breathing.
It wasn't even that he was speechless, he had no idea what to even say that wouldn't destroy this moment.

---

It wasn't until she was standing in front of him with his lips against her stomach, his hands exploring the soft smoothness of the silk and her fingers running through his hair that either of them said anything.

"Air of my lungs, I was going to ask for a temporal cuddle sandwich. I did not anticipate my work would be so effective. I do not want to wait."

He kissed her stomach lightly before pulling away enough to look up. His breathing was back to normal now that she'd broken the silence, even if his heart rate was not and each breath was full of the scent of her.

"For what?"

"The filling."

Obviously there were only two bodies between them. So far there hadn't been anyone else Rei wanted to touch her like that, when they'd shared a bed, he had always been between Rei and the others. He'd thought Maya might be the exception after she'd been in Rei's room, but apparently not.

So she had wanted cuddles followed by something then cuddles afterwards. The something he could guess from how she was dressed, and the way she'd walked towards him. It was Rei, so it wasn't the predatory way Asuka stalked Hikari around the house, and she hadn't been laughing as she did so, but there was an anticipatory tension that hadn't been there when they'd been relaxing in the bath. Still, appearances could be deceiving, even between them.

"What would you like today, Rei?"

He could, these days, if he needed to, come up with serious or silly terms of endearment, but he didn't. Affirming who she was, that he knew and recognised her as herself, as real, that was sometimes enough to turn her into a happy puddle of contentment in his arms. Not today though. Today it was having a different effect.

"You to be good with your hands," and she turned slowly, causing his hands to caress her waist as she did so, making sure he could see her clearly, her shape, the careful stitching of her garments, the way it held and enhanced her form.

"To taste you," and she bent to kiss him, running her tongue across his lips in a way that suggested that wasn't what she had in mind.

"To watch our children grow, become people, to laugh and to know they are loved. We are not ready to start more today. I will wait. I do not want to."

With that she pushed him backwards onto the bed, pressing herself against him, before collapsing on him just as his hands slid up to the soft silk that contained her breasts enticingly. 

"Cuddles first. Restraint is required."

Calling what happened next restrained, was stretching the word well past its limits. There were, however, no unexpected megafauna.

Chapter 54: Gloating and Other Things Done In Private

Summary:

2021, Early February, Saturday Evening

Asuka kissed her wife softly and settled her head back on the pillow. She could easily get free of everything except the strap around her ankle - which would stay until morning - she was just choosing not to because she liked the way her wife looked at her when she was like this. Other things too, but the mixture of lust and affection, that she was desired despite everything she was, everything she had done, the only thing better was the variety of ways Hikari told her she loved her.

Her beloved couldn't order a sandwich in anything other than Japanese or German, but she could utter words of love in over a hundred different ways in a dozen languages, from the most ambiguous Japanese to the most detailed French. Though only someone who loved her would consider either the Russian or the Greek even remotely intelligible - she'd managed not to laugh the first time her wife tried to pronounce Я люблю тебя, but it had been very close.

The best way was always when the only thing her wife used was the tip of her tongue, which is what she'd been hoping for when she lay down, but her mind had been turning over several previous conversations and her wife's expression brought some of it to her immediate attention.

"You're not allowed to gloat."

"But I have you at my mercy." 

The smile that came with was almost enough to distract her, but she'd agreed to try to use words whenever she could, even if it was inconvenient, frustrating, or distressing. Right now it was all of them, though the distress was less about what she needed to talk about than what it meant she wasn't doing.

"Just because he's currently four point seven three kilometers away doesn't mean he won't notice when he gets back and it'll bother him. Anyway, Rei does smug far better than you."

"You're supposed to say your wife is the best at everything," said wife protests with a pout that would take Shinji levels of obliviousness to take completely seriously or completely lightheartedly.

"I won't intentionally lie to you. You're as subtle as a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick - which is a good thing or I wouldn't have noticed you liked me otherwise - and while he can be as dense as that brick, he's put a lot of thought into why things can't work. That they are doing despite that is something either of them can mess up faster than Rei can discover a new internal organ to use as a term of endearment, even if they don't mean to, especially if they don't mean to."

"He's staying over tonight."

"He's done that before, and he's only agreed this time because Ibuki's visiting, he's only doing that because they both asked, and he only went to clean before she arrived while Kodama was in class. Even if he kissed her properly after dinner, he hasn't actually talked to her."

Hikari stopped running her fingertips tantalizingly across her skin and frowned, "You think he'll abandon my sister for Miss Ibuki?"

"I think he thinks she is far better for Kodama than he is, he might even be right. I barely knew her before, she didn't annoy me enough for me to notice much."

Hikari's frown intensifies, "So why did you invite her to our wedding? The only other Nerv person you invited was Miss Misato, and she actually mattered to you even if you didn't always get along.  She's not the only one who came back - she's one of the last who has - I had Shinji ask about people you might have known."

Asuka tries to sit up and fails. She could pull out of the restraints easily enough, but Hikari had stopped with her hand on her chest between her breasts and if she didn't perhaps her wife would go back to what she'd been doing earlier.

"I didn't! And you did what?"

"You only had people who had been mine or Shinji's friends. I knew no one from Germany could come even if you wanted them to and I know you didn't. You weren't going to just have Toji on your side."

"I don't need anyone."

There was a tug on her leg that tightened her calf muscles and she didn't need to look to know that Hikari had once again taken advantage of the fact that the anti-sleepwalking strap was - unlike the wrist cuffs - just loose enough for her to tuck her foot under it and twist it around her ankle, giving her far too much control over the tension without having to move. Not moving included her wife's hands too - she wasn't the only one distracted from the intent of the evening.

"He's not even here and you still take precautions. I know you're a friendless introvert and I love you anyway. So are you actually going to talk to Miss Ibuki if she visits?"

Asuka glares, "I have friends!"

"You have the three people in your family and Toji."

"Hey! Toji's a good friend. Just don't tell him I said that."

She didn't mention that she'd seen more of Toji than Shinji had in the last year. Recent events had confirmed her suspicions that half the time Shinji supposedly went to see Toji he was actually visiting Kodama and needed cover because Hikari would be Hikari. Of course Toji hadn't said anything outright but she'd noticed things in retrospect. She'd been doing quite a bit of that recently. She didn't say anything yet either, she was trying to stop her wife's premature gloating not feed it - Rei had done more than enough of that.

"And would you have even talked to him if he wasn't already Shinji's? You only went to Kensuke's wedding because I did, you talk to the neighbours but only about their plumbing, and you're distracting me."

"I'm naked! Of course I'm distracting you."

Hikari sitting on her also naked with the slight bounce of her breasts emphasising her words was distracting in a similar but more emphatic manner.

"Miss Ibuki?"

It seemed that neither distraction was going to be sufficient until after her wife got her answer. She wasn't sure if the way Hikari's fingertips had resumed tracing across her skin was deliberate or even conscious, but it was teasing and so far an insufficient distraction to prevent her answering.

"I was going to talk to her. Rei said she could translate something about Shinji into a language I'm actually fluent in. And I need to make sure she's good enough for when your sister decides that the answer to which of them she wants is both."

"Huh?" Hikari's fingers had gotten as far as teasingly trailing up the side of her breast before she stopped again.

"You're not allowed to be all uptight about that either. You think you sister is going to let either of them sleep on the floor? No matter how clean Shinji's made it. She's probably talking them into letting her sleep in the middle, if they get any sleeping done."

"Asuka!"

"What? I'm not going to share you, but if Rei is happy sharing Shinji, needs to, then Kodama can have whatever makes her happy as long as it doesn't upset Shinji more than usual. And you, my darling wife, are not going to say anything that might make her feel like that's unacceptable or bring up her issues about it."

"Issues?"

Her wife's fingertips would have been drumming against her ribs if that's where they were resting.

"Do you know where any of her ex boyfriends or girlfriends are? And I might not have been paying attention but the rumour was that Ibuki liked the blonde bitch, who was fucking Shinji's father. Hard to tell with you Japanese and your stupid language's inability to say anything directly. Ouch!"

She failed to rub her pinched nipple for the same reason she hadn't moved. She'd have revenge they'd both enjoy later.

"Nein, I don't. She doesn't talk about them at all, even the ones she actually dated. Not since before the end of ... oh. Did she say something to you?" Her wife's tone shifted from confusion to realisation to that combination of annoyance and guilt that came with knowing it was her own fault someone hadn't told her something.

She shook her head carefully, it felt like Hikari had tightened the bindings when she knew she'd had no opportunity to. Besides she didn't want to provoke her wife until they were both ready to enjoy the consequences.

"She didn't. She told me just how much she and Shinji have discussed their relationship, she was excited about Maya visiting, without even a hint of an honorific, but she was pregnant and hasn't so much as cursed the sperm donor's name, so I don't know anything about them. She had worse things to say about Shinji and she loves him and fully intends to fuck what little there is of his brains out as soon as Rei arranges for us to be somewhere else. I got the impression she'd rather sit with Shinji on the beach than even think about them."

"You decided all that from something she didn't say?"

"You're the one who married the Queen of Not Thinking About It and had twenty seven children with King 'if I don't talk about it it didn't happen'."
 
Her wife shook her head at her but didn't respond to the provocation, "What does that make Rei and me then?"

"Rei is Empress Don't Ask or I Might Tell You. Du bist die Mätress meines Herzens, natürlich."

Hikari rolls her eyes so far she looks like she didn't have pupils from this angle.

"That was mushy," she smiles in a way that makes Asuka's heart metaphorically skip a beat, and would have made her panties damp if she'd been wearing any,  "Say it again."

"It's true though, my beloved wife. I did agree to marry you, and it wasn't just for your cute arse, soft lips and dripping muschi."

She didn't want to be thinking about who Shinji was having sex with, it brought to mind accusations and realisations of just how close things had been, and why they hadn't, wouldn't, couldn't, even without the woman she wanted, had, needed. A familiar anxiety she had thought she was long past gnawed its way into her awareness and now it was there it wouldn't go away easily. If her sister-in-law got her "both", at the same time, as might be happening right now, then Shinji would have less time, less time at home, and he'd spend it all with Rei. She would have less chance to screw up again, the way her wife just shifted had pulled the ankle cuff tighter, but she needed him in ways she still couldn't put sufficient words around but could not escape. Even him killing her hadn't saved her from that. Rei had put her body and soul back together before the bruises had chance to form. It had been Rei, eyes a gentle understanding pale transparent red.

The sensations from her body intruded into her thoughts. Hikari's shoulder was wet under her face, her wrists ached slightly but were unrestrained, she must have pulled out of the cuffs harder than necessary when she sat up. The line between holding her while her back arched and her muscles tensed and when she pulled away with urgency or panic wasn't any clearer than her emotions but Rei seemed to have got it near perfect this time, a moment ago and last week when Hikari had tested them using her as a test dummy. Shinji level dummkopf had been more than she'd rated by the time Hikari had finished with her verification.

Hikari's skin was warm under her hands. Hikari's weight was solid in her lap. Hikari's thighs were firm where they pressed against her sides. If Hikari's muschi had been wet with anticipation it wasn't now. 

She'd teased Hikari about. Kodama had said Rei promised her. Her mind searched for a version of the thought she could manage to think. If Shinji had children with someone else he would not abandon them but he could abandon her. She couldn't, she wouldn't. She could feel her heart beating against Hikari's chest. Hikari, more than just her wife, more than she deserved.

That she knew she was panicking did nothing to slow her heart-rate, or the adrenaline that wanted her to run. Running away wouldn't help. Shinji was going to abandon her to have babies with Kodama and Maya, a woman she should know but had had said perhaps two sentences to at the wedding. No amount of running would escape that, or make it true. She was part of the reason Kodama was not dating Shinji, and she couldn't run from herself no matter how fast she'd become. She'd tried often enough and failed even more. Not the same reason Hikari was, or at least only one of the reasons Hikari was. Kodama would leave completely before she became a person who would try to take Shinji away from his family. Her sister-in-law understood him too well. The jealousy tried to get in the way of the panic and got squashed harder than an idiot underneath the Angel of Smiting.

She didn't know what to do with a sister. A normal one the way her wife had them. She'd always been alone. Before Shinji. Before Hikari. Perhaps Rei counted as a sister, but she would never qualify as a normal anything. Rei who'd taken so much care in letting her give up just the right amount of control, but not told Hikari who she had found that could get the leather so perfectly soft and resilient, or what animal it had come from. 

Now that her thoughts were getting in the way of her distress and not fuelling it, she remembered that this wasn't the first time their Shinji had spent the night with Ibuki, and he'd spent a very long time on that walk for him not to managed some conversation. He couldn't possibly know Ibuki... Maya the way she knew him, where words weren't needed and were often to be avoided because there weren't the right words to say in the right way. She wasn't sure if that made things better or worse. How far had their relationship really progressed? Was there enough to even qualify as one, even friendship? How was Shinji so comfortable letting someone touch his girlfriend? Even if they still both refused to call it that.

She was being a hypocritical hedgehog, she knew that, given the reason Kodama had ended up visiting Maya in the first place. This was Shinji, of course he was like that - make everyone else happy even if it made himself miserable. Except once he loved someone he did stupid shit like ask if she kissed her properly! Her wife was a long way from the prim and proper Class Rep Horaki. Also completely naked and pressed against her. The way Shinji might be pressed against Kodama. Or Maya. At least she was reasonably sure today wasn't going to result in actual children. She was going to stop thinking about this before those nightmares chased away any chance she might have of the sleeping part of sleeping in her wife's arms.

"Tomato moment?"

Her breathing had slowed even if her heart rate hadn't.

"Babies."

Children were the one thing Shinji considered important enough to work himself to exhaustion for. Other than Rei's whims of course, but that didn't count, it was Rei. The one thing he might leave them for. She knew why of course, and eventually the times he treated her as one would end. Not even getting married had been enough to completely make her an adult in his affections. No, that was just an old wound talking. Their ages weren't as weird as Rei's but he didn't treat her like a child unless she was acting like one.

"Toji is suffering through another sleepover and Rei's asleep in her own room on the other side of the most insulated wall in the house."

"You checked?"

"Shinji told me the arrangements before he left. Formally, as if I was my father! I'll have to tell sis later, she's not going to put up with him doing that."

"You made me ask." She turned the pout into a kiss on the line of her wife's shoulder before her wife could say anything about it, or force her head up where she'd see it.

"I am not my sister. She doesn't think these things are important."

"And you do, my beloved stick in the mud."

"You're still three Kanji short."

---

Hikari lay on the dry side of the bed with a sleeping Asuka in her arms and the taste of her still on her tongue.

She could, if nothing else, gloat about just how many orgasms she'd induced in her wife. There were days when she was happy, content and still completely in love with her wife and that number happened to be zero. That did not stop her being pleased with herself.

She shifted a little to get comfortable enough she could sleep soon. She wasn't quite as tired as Asuka, but she hadn't been spending Ancestors knew how much energy overthinking things. Nor had quite as many orgasms, she had been focused on enjoying her wife enjoying her attentions. Her wife was also a little heavier and a little taller than the first time.

The next day hadn't actually been the day she thought Shinji would be better for her sister than any of the people she had dated, or had sex with. Which was at least one and three respectively, none of whose names she'd ever learned even if she'd seen enough of one to know she preferred her wife's proportions. She was admittedly rather biased there.

She trailed her fingertips across her sleeping wife's side. She'd been worried about Kodama after they returned. Her own libido was undiminished and just as quickly roused at the sight of a naked Asuka as the first time she'd seen her that way. Her sister however seemed withdrawn and distant, and she'd worried she was getting her need for physical affection met in even more dangerous ways. She'd have been even more worried if she'd known about the pregnancy of course. She was the one who wanted a large family, even if whatever ridiculous number Asuka came up with next was too many, had then even with Nozomi running her ragged. What she had now was plenty.

She hadn't given birth to any of them of course. Perhaps thankfully - that was painful and she'd have broken Asuka's hand. Shinji's were a little sturdier. They were her family though and she'd been right about Shinji being good for Kodama. The old her, the one who thought Kodama should get married first, that there was a proper way to have a relationship, that was going to settle down with Toji. Before Asuka had asked that question and made her realise she was wrong about some of it. That her would have thought the age difference - especially Kodama being older - improper. She hadn't imagined that that was something that would change. That her would have married Asuka right then if they'd let her. She was happy that hadn't changed before she could.

She yawned and played with Asuka's hair with the hand that was holding her close. She'd have to wash and brush it out in the morning. The terrible hardship of being a wife to someone with long hair. Some of which was sticking to her skin with sweetly drying sweat.

Both huh? Well, she knew the arguments Asuka had gotten into about liking both but only one at a time. Her sister would have a hard time if she decided to do that. Not from her, her wife was wrong about that. This was Shinji "Did she kiss you properly" Ikari, he'd support Kodama whatever she decided, and help her make it work. That support was part of why she'd wanted them to get together. 

At least Miss Ibuki was a sensible person. They hadn't talked much, but she'd seen a lot of her, especially in the last few weeks before the end when she'd done everything she could to stay as close to Asuka as she could. If she hadn't been so obsessed with doing so, perhaps she would have taken more care of Shinji. She hadn't known what to do after Rei ... died. Rei had died. Rei had come back different. Shinji had loved her then even if it had taken another five years before he'd agree they were dating, or at least making out on the couch while she and Asuka took advantage of Miss Misato's working late again to skip the movie and fuck like the world was going to end tomorrow.

She took a slow breath and relaxed her grip. Asuka hadn't stirred and probably wouldn't even notice a bruise but that was no excuse. Asuka was with her. Breathing. Warm. Her Asuka.

She would try to be patient. It wasn't easy, the fear that the world would end in the morning - on a personal or global scale - was still there and would probably never go away entirely. She wanted her sister and her friend to be happy and loved. Preferably by each other. While they had time, before it was too late. She checked Asuka's breathing was still the slow and steady indication of sleep, and life.

It wasn't just her sister. She had watched Shinji falling into such deep guilt, despair or both that she'd been afraid to leave him alone. She been unable to do anything except be nearby, hadn't known what to do. He hadn't talked to anyone, including Rei once she turned up and moved in as if this was the expected thing to do. Then she had seen him sitting on the balcony talking to Kodama when she got back from collecting Nozomi, having made sure there would be someone in the apartment with him. Actually talking.

Alright then she'd imagined them kissing as the sun set behind them.

She hadn't been imagining they'd get so intimate that he would leave the beach with her. If she'd known Kodama could reach him like that, she'd have made an even bigger mess of things than "Learning from my friend's lewd sister" which might have taught her sister about housekeeping but wouldn't have taught their househusband anything and was mostly ridiculous family drama that made "suffocating your roommate and coming home with a girlfriend" seem tame. The art was well done, but the sex was almost non-existent and there was no hand-holding. Shinji probably hadn't even noticed it was in the bag of romances he'd gathered to keep her entertained.

She snuggled down a little further, making sure her wife was still comfortably in place. She had not been surprised when "might be late home after dinner" turned into another sleepover and if Rei was she had looked remarkably happy about it for someone already missing her cuddles. If her sister really was brave enough to say 'both' that just meant she had *two* wedding ceremonies to plan. That only one of them could be legal was not going to stop a Horaki...

 

 

Notes:

Asuka hasn't yet worked out that Rei already knows all of the possible internal organs, along with the shape and colour of most of Shinji's. Becoming one when you're a close approximation to God has some weird side effects. She still loves him even if he does have an unusually shaped spleen.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Kisses AU (HikaSuka)