Chapter 1: Mountain Men
Chapter Text
As soon as debriefs were over and they were all finally dismissed to a mandatory leave ordered by Admiral McAllister, the current Chief of Naval Operations himself, Jake made it a point to find Bradley on base. To have that long-awaited talk that had been brewing between them and ask for a second chance. They weren’t the same men anymore. They had both done a lot of growing up in the years that followed their break-up.
Only Jake’s grand plans were obliterated the second Bradley walked into the ready room the team had taken over during debriefs. Out of literally nowhere, Bradley announced how he and Mav were planning to spend time together during leave and work on fixing their fractured father-son relationship.
Jake had watched the rest of the team immediately congratulate Bradley and wish him and Mav all the best while Jake himself couldn’t do anything more than just stand there, drowning silently. In fact, when Bradley had stopped in front of him eventually, Jake had horrifyingly made some snarky ass comment that he didn’t even recall anymore before he rushed out of the room, pissed and hurt.
That had been three days ago.
After that, the group of then eleven left one by one to enjoy leave.
B-Squad, as Jake lovingly referred to those who didn’t fly the mission, left not long after Rooster and Maverick had. Some went to see family while others went on a road trip together before they’d head back to their squadrons likely. As they all would eventually once orders were dispersed again. He had tried to make a point to see them off, wish the group well, be friendly with them even. But his mind was too stuck on Bradley leaving before they could talk. No doubt, B-Squad was convinced he hated them.
Fanboy and Payback were next. The two said they were headed off to visit Garcia’s family.
Then came Trace and Floyd who announced they were going to visit some city Bob had always wanted to visit but hadn’t yet.
Javy offered to stay, declaring he and Jake were ride-or-dies for life.
But Jake had told him to go enjoy his leave. To spend time with Grandma Machado, whom Jake knew Javy was definitely missing fiercely by now, especially after the whole G-Loc incident.
Even Hondo left the base, stating he was headed to Reno to work on some old vintage war planes during his leave since that had been the plan before Mav yanked him to TOPGUN.
Warlock had said he’d be meeting Hondo to help once the last report was filed, which was supposed to happen sometime today allegedly.
Of the twelve aviators from the special detachment, Jake was the only one left at TOPGUN.
It was just him and Dad left. That was it.
Penny still hadn’t returned, but according to Dad, that wasn’t anything to worry about yet. That it would take time for her to want to return to real life again. That they’d give her time to reconnect with her daughter again.
So, naturally with Penny and by extension Amelia away still, little bro was just as much of a lump on the sofa as Jake felt inside.
However, they had both been told by Dad to pack their shit for a week-long trip and come to the admin building around noon. Though, neither was sure where the hell they were going exactly. Just that they were going somewhere together.
A change in scenery couldn’t hurt, Jake guessed.
He wandered the quiet halls, pausing once again at the larger-than-life photo of then Lieutenants Kazansky and Mitchell that was in the atrium. The admiral’s photo hadn’t been removed yet, which Jake wondered if that was his dad’s doing to pay respect to the man who had given so much for the Navy.
Jake knew the names and faces. Knew the mission details as much as he could with it mostly still considered classified. He stared at the two men, the one he intentionally modeled his career after and the one he hadn’t but had eerie similarities with. He wished he could have met Admiral Kazansky just once. Asked the man for advice on what to do next. How to go on from here.
“You think they were sneaky links?” Ethan asked, startling Jake from his thoughts.
“Huh?” He turned his head towards his pseudo-brother, tilting his head in confusion.
Little bro laughed, amused by Jake’s puzzlement. “Sneaky link, it’s, uh, well, when you’re messing around with someone but don’t want anyone to know you two are doing it yet.”
“You kids are just plain weird.” They had to label everything these days, didn’t they?
“Okay, boomer.”
“Hey! I’m a millennial, thank you.”
“As if that’s any better,” quipped the teenager.
“Come on, knucklehead.” He wrapped an arm around Ethan. “Let’s go before Dad sics base security on us.” His brother rolled his eyes but followed him to their dad’s office. The door was open, so Jake knocked curtly to announce their presence before they stepped inside.
“Hello, boys,” Warlock grinned at them. “We’re almost finished.”
“Do you need us out in the hallway, sir?” Jake asked politely, wondering vaguely if he should be saluting and standing at full attention or not.
“No,” Dad answered, shaking his head. “I just have two more things to sign. Right?”
“Right,” Warlock confirmed, setting down another sheet of paper to be signed. “Are you both excited about Montana?”
“Montana?”
“We’re going to Montana?”
Dark eyes immediately darted back to their dad. “I thought you said you told them already?”
“I told them to pack,” Dad sighed deeply. “Not where we were headed.”
Warlock shook his head before he turned back to them. “You’ll like it there, boys. Lots of room to explore and enjoy nature.”
“I hate nature,” groaned Ethan, earning a quick elbow to the side from Jake.
Two seconds later, Jake felt the swift responding kick to his shin. Oh, that little shit.
“Boys!”
“He started it!” Ethan argued petulantly.
“The hell I did, brat! You did by bitching,” Jake huffed back. Freaking teenagers.
“Are you certain I couldn’t persuade you to join us, Sol?” Cyclone remarked dryly to his second.
“Not on your life.” Warlock chuckled, grabbing the last signed sheet of paper. “However, I’m looking forward to hearing all about it when you return.” He then turned on his heel, heading towards Jake and Ethan and giving them both fond pats to the shoulders. “Go easy on your old man, all right?”
“Yes, Uncle Sol,” replied Ethan.
“Yes, sir,” Jake responded, wondering what that meant exactly.
The rear admiral strode out a moment later, leaving the trio alone.
“What the hell is out in Montana?” Ethan instantly started, clearly not thrilled at all.
“A cabin in the mountains.”
Okay. Vague answer. Jake wasn’t sure how to take that exactly.
“You’re joking. Tell me you’re joking. Please? What are we going to do in the mountains? In Montana? In November, Dad?”
“Focus on our family, brat. On taking time to heal.” Dad then caught their gazes. “It’s not going to be nearly as bad as you’re making it out to be. I assure you.”
“Fine, but a cabin in Montana? Really? Why couldn’t we be like normal families and go to Disneyland or something? Or, hell, Cabo? Cancun even I hear is nice this time of year.”
“Give it up, dude,” smirked Jake, shaking his head. “We’re going to Montana.”
“This sucks.”
“Noted,” replied Dad dryly as he stood, quickly tidying up his desk. “However, I guarantee you will come around and see the appeal soon enough.”
“Really? Why? Is Dev going to be there? Is anyone we know going to be there?”
“No, but—”
“—exactly,” argued the teenager, cutting their dad off sharply.
“That is quite enough, Ethan Hunter Simpson!”
Jake kept his mouth clamped shut. There’d be time later to tease about the use of the full name.
“We are going to Montana for a week. You may not like it, but you will get on board. Hear me?”
“Yes,” groaned Ethan dramatically in familiar teen fashion. “We’ll go to dumb Montana. But if we end up getting eaten by wolves, Dad, this is completely your fault for the record. I voted for Cabo.”
They landed around 2330 at the small Bozeman Yellowstone International Airport. They were one of the last flights of the night, it seemed. The trio trudged through the mostly empty building with their luggage.
“Which car place are we renting from?” Jake inquired as they headed to the level with ground transportation. He wanted to get a jump start on the tedious paperwork.
“Neither.”
“How’s that work?” He didn’t figure there were a lot of transportation options here.
“A friend of the family is picking us up.”
Yet another vague answer. There was something here Jake wasn’t understanding.
“You mean this isn’t just some random cabin in Montana you found to rent?”
Dad shook his head silently.
Jake opened his mouth to inquire further about it when he noticed Ethan starting to drag his feet more and more as the family continued. He took a step slower and motioned to the teenager to stop fucking around. Ethan’s bratty attitude had lost its amusing qualities hours ago. Now it was just plain annoying honestly. Thankfully, little bro got with the program at Jake’s scathing bitchy look and walked faster behind their dad to catch back up.
They walked outside a moment later, feeling the chilly November air swirl around them. It took Dad a few moments before he motioned to a black SUV pulled off to the side.
An older man roughly around his 80s stepped out of the vehicle soon after to greet them.
Jake realized right away that this man was retired Navy, a flag officer probably even. The guy had that look to him.
“Well, shit, you grew up, didn’t you, Beau Simpson?” jovially chuckled their driver. The older man flashed a cheerful smile at Jake and Ethan before his blue eyes glanced back to Dad. “And had some kids of your own, too. Nos didn’t say a damn word about that to me. Sly fucker.”
Who the fuck was Nos?
“Here. Come on. Let’s get you boys settled up then.” The older man popped open the back reaching for Cyclone’s duffle bag.
“It’s all right, sir. I’ve got it,” Dad stated with zero room for argument.
“What’s with this ‘Sir’ shit? Way I hear it, you outrank me these days, sonny boy. A vice admiral even at that. The way I reckon it, I should be saluting your ass. Or the Navy change since I was in it?”
Jake heard the responding short laugh.
“See old age didn’t soften you at all, Cavanaugh,” Dad remarked with a small smile.
“Not in the least.” Cavanaugh then hauled him in for an unexpected hug. “Glad you’re back, Beau. Place frankly hasn’t been the same without you little hellions giving Nos heart attacks every five minutes every time you two would go silent.” Blue eyes then shifted to Jake. “Contrary to this whole tight-ass persona he’s got going on now, your dad here was trouble with a capital T, boys. He and Nos’s sweet Belle got into so much shit you wouldn’t believe it.”
Nos? Sweet Belle? Who the hell was this guy talking about?
“Really?” Ethan asked, glancing at their dad in disbelief.
Cavanaugh nodded back. “You better believe it, young man. I got stories you’d swear I was bullshitting if I didn’t have the proof.”
“All right,” cut in Dad. “That’s enough of that.”
“Where is our sweet Belle anyway?”
“Away.”
Who was . . . what was going on? Jake found himself intrigued more and more by the second.
“God, I haven’t seen her in—what has it been—thirty-some years?”
“Around there, yes.”
“He doesn’t talk that much about her,” Cavanaugh stated. “She’s good, isn’t she?”
Dad nodded. “Tamer than you’d remember. Grew up a lot after having her daughter.”
“Not yours I take it?”
“Definitely not.”
“Pity. Always thought you and she would get together. My Helen and I used to talk about it sometimes. How happy it’d make him to have you a part of the actual family for good. Well, anyway, enough of that old man bullshit. Let’s get you kids up to the cabin. Hate for anyone to turn into a pumpkin after all.” He then squeezed Cyclone’s bicep tenderly. “I mean it, though. I’m real glad you’re back . . . even if it’s under these circumstances.”
Jake’s eyes darted to his dad instantly. Now what the hell did that mean?
“Thank you.”
They put the luggage into the back a moment later before they hopped into the SUV. Jake and Ethan sat in the back with Dad sitting in the front passenger’s seat next to the retired Navy veteran.
This was going to be interesting.
They made it to the cabin an hour and a half later. The lights were on inside making it look homey from the outside. There was a hot tub out on the porch he could see even.
“Now, he told me what to stock for your stay, of course, but I couldn’t help myself, I admit. I put a few other things in there for you three as well. Think of it as a welcome home, all right?”
“Thank you.” Dad was quieter now than he had been before.
“Don’t mention it.” Cavanaugh then patted their dad’s arm lightly. “You boys need anything, and I mean anything, I left my number on the fridge. Don’t hesitate and call, understood?”
“Understood.”
Blue eyes then glanced to the rear view mirror. “You boys better be good for your dad or else Uncle Cav here will be sorely disappointed and you won’t get my special surprise on Sunday.”
“You don’t need to do that,” Dad countered quietly.
“I know, but I want to, Beau.” Cavanaugh then sighed softly. “Since losing my Helen . . . and Maggie deciding to stay out East, you boys right now are the only family I have around here for the time being. Plus, let’s be honest. If Nos ever found out I wasn’t being a good host, I’d never hear the end of his bitching. And, Lord, can that man go on.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, kid.” Cavanaugh then smiled somberly. “I hope you find your peace again.”
“So do I.”
Jake and Ethan quickly followed their dad out of the SUV the moment Cyclone grabbed the keys from Cavanaugh and headed to retrieve their bags. It didn’t take long before they were lugging them up to the front door with their dad opening the door a moment later while the Navy veteran drove off.
“Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Is he really our uncle?” Ethan asked quietly.
“Not by blood, but he’s a close family friend, yes.” Dad opened the front door shortly after, motioning them both inside.
Ethan walked in first followed by Jake.
It took all of five seconds before Jake caught the familiar photos lining the mantel above the fireplace. He toed out of his boots, moving them and his suitcase out of the way, before he moved closer to inspect.
He saw the younger photos of Simpson who couldn’t have been much older than Ethan was now. But it was the one of a young teenage Cyclone standing next to the very familiar younger brunette that gave Jake the missing pieces he had been looking for here.
“Whoa!” gasped his brother next to him. “Is that you, Dad?”
“It is. I was thirteen at the time.”
Thirteen and he already looked hardened by the world, Jake noticed silently.
“Then that makes her . . .” Ethan murmured, pointing to the younger female standing beside their dad in the photograph.
“Your godmother, yes,” confirmed Cyclone, nodding thoughtfully. “This is her father's cabin. Jack would bring us here on the rare times he had leave. Whenever he believed we needed space without others prying.”
Jake’s eyes trailed over to him. “And you think we need that?”
“No. I know we need it,” Dad replied. “What we went through these past few weeks was terrible. We had to confront things most families never dream to. Never should. We need time to heal, therefore. To focus on our family without any distractions. This cabin will facilitate that. It always has in the past.”
“What do you mean?”
“Jack brought me here shortly after my parents died. Car accident.” He motioned to the photo of the stoic teenager standing next to a much younger Penny Benjamin. “I survived the crash with a few minor injuries but didn’t have any other family, so Jack filed for emergency custody of me. To ensure I didn’t go into foster care. Wasn’t lost in the system like so many others are. That was taken a few hours after we arrived here.” He then grabbed another a few frames down. “And this was taken when we left a week later.”
The younger Cyclone wasn’t quite smiling, but he did look better than the first one. He also wasn’t shying away from Penny and her father’s closeness as he had in the first.
“How many times have you been here?” Ethan asked with a contemplative frown.
“This will be my sixth time, fourth having been for my own healing, however.” Cyclone then plucked another photo off the mantel and held it out to them. “This is your second, Ethan.”
“I was here?” gasped the teenager, grabbing the photo in disbelief.
Their dad nodded solemnly. “I brought you and your sister here shortly after we lost your mother.”
Jake’s gaze fell to the floor instantly. He felt like he was on hallowed ground now, unsure of if he should even be allowed here.
“I don’t remember this place, though,” murmured his brother, staring harder at the photo of Cassie hugging the younger Ethan tightly in the photo.
“You were grieving. We all were. Your sister and I, however, were dealing with it in a much different way than you. You didn’t want to come here that time either if I recall. Drove me straight up the wall with your frequent complaints every two minutes. However, I held my tongue, knowing you needed time to settle, to adjust. Just as I had when Jack brought me here the first time.”
Jake glanced up the second he felt a steady, firm hand on his shoulder.
“I brought us here to work through the complicated emotions that came from Jacob and I having to leave so unexpectedly. Through everything that’s happened in the past few weeks. I don’t want any of us to feel as if we have to shove aside those feelings and push on. That’s no way to live. So, I asked Jack if we could use his cabin to discuss things, to bond hopefully, and to find a way forward again.”
His dad’s promised words echoed in Jake’s head. Jake wasn’t going to go through his impending breakdown alone this time. Forced to ignore its approach like how he had to the first time he had to kill to save another. They were going to do this the right way.
The way Penny’s father had taught Cyclone how to heal all those years ago.
Jake swallowed thickly, inhaling shakily.
He wasn’t used to this approach.
To being so open with his feelings, so honest, so vulnerable. It wasn’t how Seresins did it.
“Dad?” Ethan murmured quietly.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry for—”
“—no,” Cyclone instantly replied, shaking his head. “There’s no need to be. Your brother and I understand our leaving unexpectedly like that would have naturally upset you as it did. That you would have been worried for us over what little we were allowed to share beforehand. There’s no need to be apologetic over that, Ethan. You being a downright grouch these past couple days and whining the entire time here thus far, now that’s a different story, but you’re allowed to feel, son. You both are.”
Jake inhaled swiftly, feeling the grief and pain settle beneath his ribs again—expanding.
“This fallacy men are taught—perpetuated through media, loved ones, inherent stereotypes even—how we cannot show weakness, shed tears ever or lest we become lesser somehow—” He inhaled sharply to cut himself off, shaking his head in disgust at the words he held back. He then grasped Ethan’s shoulder as well to hold them. “It is my hope, boys, you know I will never share those thoughts. Think anything less of you. I strongly believe letting yourself cry is merely an expression of powerful emotions needing to be released so as not to drown you in your feelings. That crying is natural to do. Something all humans share, in fact, regardless of gender. No good ever comes from ignoring pain, from pretending one is fine when inside they are breaking apart. None. It only delays the inevitable.”
God, if ever there was an example of a shining illustration of a good father, it would surely be their dad. Hands down. Jake could think of no one else who would come close. Truly.
The following morning, Jake woke up smelling an amazing home-cooked meal wafting in from the kitchen. A smile tugged at his lips as he opened his eyes. He glanced upwards at the bottom of the top bunk where he knew Ethan the teenage log was sleeping like the dead based on the occasional snores that Jake would hear. Well, sucked to be him.
Tossing aside the covers of his comfy queen bed, Jake rose, pulling back the heavy, warm covers and neatly tucking the corners in out of habit. At the chill in the air, he quickly snatched his discarded US Navy hoodie and tossed it on over his head before he ducked into the bathroom to take care of business there first.
Walking out not long after, Jake headed down the narrow hallway, following the delicious scents. He found his dad standing at the stove, dressed down in a plaid button-down shirt and jeans, cooking what looked to be omelets. Damn, Jake loved those omelets.
“Need any help?”
His dad glanced towards him immediately and smiled. “Morning, Jacob.”
“Morning, Dad.” Green eyes then darted to the counter guiltily at the surge in his belly at the D word before he sighed. “It’s . . . it’s okay if I call you that, right?” He was 99% sure it was, but what with Admiral Seresin looming over them these days, he couldn’t be completely certain. Maybe it would be better for all of them if he didn't.
“What else would you call me?”
Jake shrugged. “Admiral. Sir. I don’t know.”
“I’m not him, son.” He held Jake’s gaze firmly. “Refer to me however you’d like, okay? However you need to right now. I won’t mind.”
“You threatened him,” Jake pointed out, the words bursting free finally during the rare moment alone they had. It was likely his panic that he had thought he'd had a good hold on earlier. “Told him no. No one ever tells him no. No one.”
“I was hardly the first person to call him out on his wretchedness.”
“What?”
“You think Penny Benjamin has a single bone in her body that would allow her to hold her tongue once she realized how they treated you, son? What they did? Because, I assure you, she doesn’t.”
“She spoke to him?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call what she did speaking," remarked his dad, "but she made it abundantly clear what she’d do if he ever came near you. You’re one of her cubs now, and she will do everything in her power to ensure you never have to face that vile man again. As will I for that matter. Because I don’t regret what I said that night to him. I regret I didn’t say it sooner, but I don’t regret a single thing I said.”
“He’s—”
“—not going to do a damn thing. I promise.”
“Why? Because we’re hiding here? Eventually, we have to go back.” This would only be a temporary setback for Admiral Seresin. Cutthroat always got his way. No matter what. Jake knew that better than anyone.
“We’re not hiding,” countered Cyclone, pulling the omelets off the stove and piling them up on an empty plate.
“It sure feels like we are.”
“I can see why you would think that, I do, but that’s not why I brought us here. Frankly, we all needed a change in scenery. Benji got that part right at least. But, unlike her, we’re not going to run from the things lurking in the dark. We have to find a way to speak about it. Confront what we’re feeling and find a way forward again.”
“What if we don’t know how?”
“Then we see about talking with someone. A professional. Because . . . knowing I couldn’t do a damn thing to help you but wait for your reply, watch you on the radar as you raced towards them, knowing that you were going to stop at nothing to reach them, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you if it went south. If there were another we didn’t see. A bird strike. Whatever. I held Sol’s arm so hard that he now has bruises as I waited for your return. I couldn’t send you. He had to. I’ll be lucky if there isn’t a tribunal over my freezing in that moment. It’s why it’s frowned upon after all. Family members being in charge of family subordinates. For that exact scenario.”
“Are you worried they’ll be one?”
“There should be one, but McAllister wasn’t interested in that for some reason. He wanted to know more about why I’d hand over the five best and brightest over to Captain Mitchell. What I saw in the captain that only Kazansky ever saw.”
“What did you say?”
“The truth. That Captain Mitchell had the team’s survivability in the forefront of his mind the entire time during training. That every asinine stunt he pulled in the weeks leading up that I couldn’t understand was some missing piece the final team would need to use during the actual mission. I mean, for fuck’s sake, he came up with some ridiculous bullshit game out of nowhere to force all of you to focus on your tasks no matter what was happening, to work together as one, to communicate your moves quickly and coherently while still moving about while everything around was complete and utter chaos. It’s brilliant. There’s not an instructor past or present who could have thought of that. None but him.”
“Almost sounds like he impressed you.”
“He did. He was nothing like his reputation. Far from it in fact. Bring all of you home was his number one priority. Reckless with his own life, perhaps, but never with any of yours. Every single one of you was someone who mattered to him. Someone he needed to save. And he worked his ass off, pushed through numerous undiagnosed injuries to give you all the time he could to do this. I mean, seeing him fly through the canyon that day, proving that it could be done, even I found myself rooting for the lunatic.”
Jake smiled softly.
“It was the best damn, ballsiest flying I’ve ever seen in my career. It was flawless. Every variable, every action taken at precisely the right time. He didn’t stray once from the middle. Not once. And he did it all after having blown himself up weeks prior. You can’t show me another aviator like that. The Navy doesn’t make fliers like Mitchell. The instinctive ones. The ones who are so goddamn talented they make everything look so damn easy because to them it’s nothing. Just another mission. Another thing they have to adapt to on the go. Like you do.”
“Am I as good as him?”
“Maybe one day, yes, but you’re still holding back at times, toeing the line like a good officer. But I have no doubt you will surpass him someday. Mitchell stated the same thing to me during his final report. Saying you have what it takes to be a damn good team leader one day. And I agree.”
“But?”
“But you need to learn how to trust up there, son. Trust that you don’t have to do everything yourself all the damn time. That you have a competent person on your wing. They may not keep up with you in the manner you require, but focusing everything on ensuring only you are put at risk . . . it will lead you down a path few return from ever.”
“I went after Mitchell and Bradshaw. I flew with them.”
“You pushed your plane to the maximum in order to do it. Bypassed numerous safety measures meant to protect you, Jake.”
“I had to get to them somehow, didn’t I?” That answered the question if his dad had known.
“I understand your reasoning. I do. But if anything had gone wrong, if your calculations were even the slightest bit off, we would have lost you. I would have lost you.”
“But I wasn’t.”
“Blind, dumb luck. That was all it was in the end. If you had engaged a few kilometers further, you’d have fried every piece of electronics on your aircraft. Smarter people than I have done the simulations, shown them to me, proven the math.”
“I had to save them. To give them a chance, Dad.”
“I know.”
“You heard them on the radio. They had no guns. No more missiles. No flares. All they had was Cap’s crazy good flying skills. They were sitting ducks, climbing as fast as that old hunk of junk would go. So I fired. I saw my shot and I fired. I did what I had to do. What I was trained to do.”
“You did.”
“It was them or the bogey.”
“I know.”
“I had to, Dad.”
“I know.”
“I had to.”
Simpson’s arms encircled him a second later, hauling Jake in for a tight hug.
He had to do it. There was no other option but that one. If he had waited even a second longer, they’d have been dead. So he fired. He fired and killed another human being. A life for lives. He couldn’t think about the future he just ended. The fact that the person had been just doing their job like he had. Defending their country from invaders. It’d be too much. Like before.
“Breathe, Jacob. Just breathe, son.”
He closed his eyes, sinking into his dad’s warm embrace. He couldn’t help it when he latched onto the soft shirt of his dad’s, clutching it tightly.
His brother died so Jake would live.
So Jake would save three people from certain deaths.
So they could come home.
Like he could.
So he could eventually learn how to live instead of survive as he had been doing.
“I’m here,” murmured Simpson softly, rubbing his back gently. “I’m right here with you, Jacob.”
He inhaled deeply, letting out a quiet, broken laugh when his stomach growled a second later. It took another few moments before he was able to lift his head from where he had tucked it.
“Guess I’m hungry,” Jake stated quietly.
“Well, you’re in luck.”
“Yeah?”
“I happened to make enough food here to feed a squadron, it’d seem,” Cyclone joked lightly. “Make your plate up. I’ll go wake your brother, so we don’t have a repeat of Mr. Grouch again.”
“Before you do, can I . . . can I just ask how certain you are he won’t come near me?”
His dad immediately grasped Jake’s head in his hands, cradling his face tenderly.
“Extremely certain.” He then explained, “One of the first things Benji did after she met you was come to my office and demand me to file a restraining order to file against your family. She wanted it to be done for you, but with you being an adult and of your own faculties, she couldn’t. So, this was her way around that to ensure you were safe.”
“But you called him. Didn’t that violate the agreement?”
“No.”
“Dad—”
“—it didn’t violate it because I requested there to be a clause left for contact. In case your mother or your brother’s family ever decided to reach out to you. And when I called, I called the house with your mother answering the phone. He just of course spoke over her.”
“Did they . . . did they say anything? My mother? Jessa? Cassidy even?”
“Your mother only asked if you were okay. With your dad’s shouting, however, I couldn’t answer. I heard no else on the line but them. However, Benji has heard rumors recently that your sister-in-law and niece no longer reside at the ranch.”
“What? Why?”
“I can only speculate at this point. However, Benji was told they are both safe. Staying with a close friend of your sister-in-law’s, in fact.”
“That’s good at least.”
“Very.” His dad’s hand then slid down to Jake’s shoulders. “Am I okay to go get your brother?”
He nodded silently, not trusting his voice. His eyes closed the second he felt the loving, gentle kiss to his forehead.
“I love you, son.”
Jake never doubted that. Would never. He watched Simpson head down the hallway and turned away himself to head to the table tucked in the corner of the dining area where breakfast was already waiting. He mulled over everything they had discussed.
He still felt on edge but knowing Admiral Seresin couldn’t come near as long as Jake was near his dad, that helped. That Jessa and Cassidy were potentially safe as well. He believed Simpson when the man said they weren’t hiding. Could see all the ways their dad was trying to be a better father than Cutthroat, than Simpson’s own father had been. They were here to break the cycle. To be better men.
Chapter 2: Breakfast Club
Notes:
Hello, loves.
So sorry for the short chapter here. RL has been a pain in the ass lately.
I'm going to try to find time to write on my trip, but no promises.
Catch you soon.
Chapter Text
As soon as Ethan scooted in next to him at the table, Jake handed the teenager the plate of steaming omelets that was in front of Jake. He patiently waited for the teen to realize he was holding it before he offered the kid a soft, amused smile when Ethan finally noticed.
Someone was still half asleep obviously.
Ethan’s eyes were barely open, still slits in fact, and the kid’s shaggy mop top hair was a disaster with all of it sticking up every which way.
Jake considered for half a second taking a photo for blackmail purposes to use at a much later date before he decided against it. He’d give the kid this one today.
After all the plates of food were divided up between the three, they started to dig into breakfast. The cabin still wasn’t as toasty inside as Jake would have liked, but the food was amazing. The pancakes were just the right fluffiness he loved. The bacon had the perfect crunch. The omelets even had all the right ingredients he had been looking for. It was amazing.
“Did you two sleep all right?” asked their dad, breaking the awkward silence that was growing.
“I mean, once Teenzilla up there passed out,” Jake started to tease. He chuckled loudly when Ethan lightly glared back.
“As if you were any better there. What with your frequent moaning Rooster’s name every five minutes.”
“I did not!” At least he had hoped he hadn’t.
“Yeah, you did! Like, all damn night! It was annoying as hell.”
“Enough, you two,” Dad interrupted, giving them both a stern look. His eyes then flicked back to Jake. “Do you remember any of your dreams last night?”
He shook his head. “No. Not really. I actually thought I slept pretty great.” Considering after all he had only been a few days off the mission none were expected to come back from.
Ethan scoffed loudly. “Yeah, sure, if you count tossing and turning all night while mumbling pretty great.”
Jake frowned but didn’t take the bait that time.
“Do you recall any specific phrases he used?” asked their dad.
“What?”
Jake seconded that. What?
“Well, since you seem hellbent on running your mouth this morning—”
“—oh, come on, Dad. I just meant—”
“—I know what you meant, brat,” Dad stated flatly. “However, it’s important we have all the details you so kindly wish to share this morning.”
Jake resisted the urge to wince out of sympathy for his kid brother.
“So, go on then, Ethan. Were there any specific phrases your brother used? Ones that stuck out in your mind?”
If he didn’t know Dad as well as he did, Jake would have wondered why the hell the old man was pushing this issue. But he did. So, he knew precisely what Cyclone was getting at here. The thing most service members ended up battling with at some point in their careers—PTSD.
It’d be better in the long run if Jake received help right away instead of waiting like so many did.
He had seen what happened when people didn’t, when they shoved their pain away and ignored it, lied to themselves so they wouldn’t face the fact they needed help because of the stigma that came with the diagnosis, the hurtful remarks said by people who knew nothing of the hell that PTSD was. He had served with more than a few who left the service because of it eventually. The ones who couldn’t bounce back no matter what they tried to cope with the demons taking up residence in their injured minds.
“I mean, no, not really,” Ethan sighed heavily, shrugging. “It sounded more like they were good dreams, like, really good ones if you get my drift.”
In other words, the kid had heard a lot of moaned forms of Rooster’s name last night. Lovely.
Better than the alternative, Jake decided with a small smile.
“Yeah, well, your time is coming, young Romeo,” he laughed, playing the admission off as he ruffled Ethan’s hair affectionately. “You’ll soon be keeping me up with your damn—”
“What?! No. I . . . no . . . no, it’s . . . it’s not like that. It’s not. I don’t like her like that. What are you talking about? She’s just . . . she just has a cute smile. That’s all,” rambled Ethan messily, making him sound that much more lovesick. “Lots of girls look good. Some guys, too, for that matter. And, you know, so what if I happen to appreciate beauty and whatever—”
“Ah, a connoisseur,” Jake declared with a cheeky grin. So busted.
“Dad!” pleaded Ethan, glancing at their dad after realizing he was caught.
Cyclone stared back, clearly not going to help in the slightest. “You got yourself into this all on your own. But I admit, I am intrigued to see how this plays out.”
Oh, the old man was playing today.
Jake chuckled, shaking his head.
“So, you think she has nice eyes, do you, E-man?”
“Shut up, Jake!”
“What else do you like about the future Mrs. Ethan Simpson?”
When his brother instantly shoved him back hard, he burst out laughing. Oh, this was golden. It reminded him of all the times his late older brother Justin had teased Jake relentlessly growing up. He could see now why J loved it so much.
“Yeah, well, least I didn’t tell her I hoped she didn’t choke too much on her cock on her magical vacation because it should be mine she’s choking on instead.”
Wait. What? Jake blinked instantly, sitting up straight like lightning struck him. The laughter died on his lips at once. He brushed off the sounds of their dad sputtering across from them. Now wasn’t the time for the old man to distract them with his choking. They were in crisis mode here. The old man would have to wait.
“Hang on. Is that what I said to Rooster?” Jake asked horrified. Had he truly told Bradley any of that?
Ethan tilted his head like a baby bird. “You seriously don’t remember?”
“I . . .” He shook his head lightly. “I was pissed at him leaving before we could finally have that talk. Wasn’t exactly thinking clearly in that moment.” Obviously. Instead, he panicked and blurted the first thing that came to his head, which seemed to be that ridiculousness unfortunately. Jake’s head fell into his hands. “Oh God.” No wonder everyone fled as they had after that. He wanted to run himself now. Why had his first instinct been to snap at the damn chicken he loved so much?
Something about this story of Ethan's didn’t sit right with Jake, though. Beyond the words he supposedly said.
“Hang on. How do you know what I said?”
“Cause I overheard it,” Ethan admitted it. “I was on my way to ask if you were free yet so we could head to the beach again. Heard you snap that at him instead before you rushed out. I was going to stop you, but then Rooster ran straight into me a few moments later so I didn’t.”
“You saw Bradshaw afterwards?”
Ethan nodded. “He threw out a half-assed apology before he sprinted off. Phoenix and Payback considered going after him, but Coyote told them to leave it. That you two had to work it out on your own.”
Well, there was that then.
Like the great T Swift said, they weren’t getting back together ever . . . ever.
Jake grabbed his glass of orange juice and took a large gulp of it.
Their dad finally managed to get his coughing fit under control again not long after.
“Christ, I don’t know which of you has the sadder love life,” their dad stated.
“Jake.”
Oh, that little twerp. He glared at his brother. “Says the kid who kissed his crush.”
“She was leaving, okay? What else was I supposed to do?” scoffed the teen. “And I apologized for that. A lot. I mean, plus, did you forget the fact she kneed me and gave me a consent lecture in front of literally everyone? In front of Dev and his mom? Her mom even? I have, like, zero chance. Actually, no, it’s worse than that. A worm probably has a better chance than I do at this point.”
Their dad muffled his snort, trying to hide it while taking a drink from his coffee.
“Something you want to say over there, old man?” Jake asked Cyclone with a raised brow.
“No.”
“When’s the last time you’ve been on a date anyway?”
“Yeah, Dad. When was the last time?”
Their dad glanced between them before he seemed to think on it for a moment.
It hit Jake a second later that asking a known widower about his dating life after a loss of a partner probably wasn’t in the best taste. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want. We’re just giving you shit, after all.”
Cyclone chuckled quietly, though. “No, it’s fine. I honestly can’t remember, though. Probably sometime before Ethan was born, I’d assume.”
“That’s fifteen years, Dad. Maybe longer since you can’t actually remember.”
That was a long time to be alone. He and Bradley broke up eight or so years ago, and he found being single for this long was unbearable. He couldn’t imagine being by one’s self for that long.
“I realize this news is shocking, considering you’re both young still, but . . .” Their dad shook his head lightly. “Losing Em, not even knowing she was sick until receiving that call while I was away . . . I love her, boys. Just as much as I did when she was alive. There is no other but her. There won’t be. She was my beginning and will always be my end. To consider another, it’s, well, frankly disloyal. It’s her or no one. Plus, since losing her, I’ve grown rather accustomed to the . . . ferocity of being single.”
“But don’t you ever get lonely sometimes?”
“Sometimes, yes, during late nights, but I know she’s waiting, that I vowed to love her forever. I intend to keep that promise. However, I’m not alone, boys. I have you. To remind me I have a bigger purpose nowadays.”
“What’s that?” Ethan asked curiously.
“To being your dad. Loving you both and helping you grow into becoming who you’re destined to be someday. Showing you how to be better, to do better. That’s not to say I’ve sworn off love forever, though. I’m just not actively seeking it. Being a father, being the Airboss, those are all I need currently.” He finished eating as the boys ruminated over his answer silently.
Jake watched their dad stand a few moments later, taking the now empty plate to the sink to wash quickly before Cyclone rinsed and set it off to the side to dry. He said nothing as their dad slipped into his boots and coat, realizing they had probably pried further than anyone had before.
“Don’t kill each other while I’m gone, boys, all right?”
“Where are you going?”
“For a walk,” Dad replied quietly. “I’ll be back shortly.” He gave Jake and Ethan each a quick kiss to the top of their heads. "Love you both." He then silently walked out into the brisk November air. The door shut behind him, causing both boys to sigh heavily at his leaving.
They hadn't meant to upset Dad.
Chapter 3: Passing the Time
Notes:
Oof. It's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry!!!!
I came back from my trip and ended up on a writing spree with other fics instead of this one.
Anyway, here's a longer chapter to make up for it.
There's fluff in it...and some angst.
Enjoy.
Chapter Text
A couple of hours had passed since their dad went out on his walk. Jake knew there was no need to worry here about the old man being away for so long, of course. Clearing one’s head after difficult topics like one’s kids dumbly shoving the fact one was widowed back in one’s face would probably take a bit to work through. Or rather walk through here, Jake decided.
Though, he absolutely was going to make damn sure neither he nor Sir Dorkus the Lazy the Third would stick their feet in their mouths again like that. What had they been thinking? Honestly!
In the meantime, while they waited, Jake made sure to wash, dry, and put away the dishes. There was no need for their dad to come back to the place looking like a frat house. Plus, it was a good habit to keep up with that would keep him distracted. While he was up and nearby anyway, Jake also checked the garbage bins around the cabin (twice for good measure) just to make sure none needed changing. None had, but he’d check them later in the day just to be absolutely sure. He knew his dad liked things being orderly, neat. And it was a hell of a way to start apologizing for their earlier actions, too.
After that, he decided to do a little self-care and self-love. Just because they were on a week-long family vacation, that didn’t mean he could let himself go completely and adopt Ethan’s current lifestyle as a depressed koala. The demands of being a naval aviator required him to be fit, to be up to any task. So, as a result, he did a little PT to pass the time. Unfortunately, though, in his attempt to stay active, he ended up doing many, many more push-ups than he originally had planned. So much for self-care. Almost every muscle in his arms burned now. So, naturally, he moved onto the next thing he could do to pass the time that was creeping agonizingly by.
Because unlike his kid brother, becoming one with the sofa wasn’t high on Jake’s priorities.
Which led him ultimately to finding a Swiffer neatly tucked away in the back of a closet. Okay, a little more cleaning wouldn’t hurt anything. Probably. Maybe. It at least would keep his mind occupied.
For five seconds, he had thought Ethan noticed the bright green object from the way the young man’s head jerked suddenly, but that thought had been short-lived. The teenager was too wrapped up in the magical land of his phone to notice anything around him. In fact, Ethan’s sudden jerk earlier had been from a cramp or something judging by the way the kid was now massaging his neck with a grimace, nose still buried in that damn phone.
Jake considered what Justin would have done if his late older brother had caught Jake being so consumed with electronics back when Justin had been alive. It took all of two seconds, though, for Jake to realize what his pain in the ass late older brother would have done.
So, after Swiffering the kitchen and living room (what? They were dirty, okay?), Jake leaned over the back of the sofa and plucked Ethan’s phone from his brother’s hands while Jake had been walking back to the closet he had found the Swiffer.
“Hey! Give that back, dickhead!” cried the teenager, scrambling up off the couch.
“Not on your life,” Jake quipped, pocketing it a second later. This was for the kid’s own good.
“Yeah, well, I’m telling Dad when he gets back.”
“Cool beans, tattletale. Love to see the old man end up snapping it in half later on because of your bitching.”
“Jake! Come on!” Ethan pleaded. “Give it back!”
“No.” He shook his head firmly. “Dad wanted us to come here to figure shit out. To heal and find a way forward, remember?”
“Yeah? Well, tell me, oh great wise one,” tossed back his little brat of a brother.
God, Ethan was such a mouthy little shit nowadays. Normally, Jake would have been proud of the little asshole over it but not when the sass was directed his way. Had to have gotten that sass all from Mama Penny’s side obviously. Because it sure as shit wasn’t from Dad, Mr. Anti-Sass.
“How the hell am I supposed to fix things when the person I need to talk to is on a goddamn boat in the middle of the freaking Pacific because her mother kidnapped her, J?” shouted Ethan, throwing his hands up. “You got an answer for that, do you, asshat?”
Well, yeah, he did. Kind of. But it wasn’t a very good one, though. He knew precisely how the kid would take it if Jake pointed out the similarities in their situation and the vast differences in their approach of the abandonment they were facing.
“Penny didn’t kidnap her, Ethan.”
“No? I mean, she yanked her out of school with no warning. Took her onto a supposed sailing trip. Plus, she didn’t tell anyone—not even Dad, Jake—when she was bringing them back. And she did it all against Amelia’s will, too. Because Amelia didn’t want to go on that stupid trip anyway. That’s like textbook kidnapping!”
“Okay, first, easy there, killer. Take a breath, why don’t you?” Jesus, this kid had the worst case of adolescence crushing possible. “And, second, her mom can pull her out at any time, Ethan. Parents get to do that shit all the time. Hell, my bastard of a bio father would do that sometimes with my older brother and me. Pull us straight out of school halfway through the day and take us down to the Gulf for the next few days. Wouldn’t even tell my mother he was doing it either. Didn’t mean he kidnapped us, though. Just meant he had decided to spend time with us.”
He could see the argument already boiling up in Ethan’s body.
“Third point, well . . . Ma’s got to work through some stuff, kid. Heavy shit. I mean, think back on that day. Really think back on it. You came home from school to find out that Dad and I were leaving the following morning. We gave you hardly any details much less when we’d be back. Unlike you, though, she had three of us out there. Three. And that’s just counting Dad, me, and her longtime partner.” Probably wasn’t the best way to describe that particular relationship but calling the captain her longtime boyfriend just sounded so damn weird in his opinion.
“So?! All of you came back.” Okay, fine, kid had a point there. “And she’d know that if she let Amelia have her phone or bothered to pick up her own.”
“Put yourself in her shoes for a moment, okay? She learned in a matter of minutes practically that the dude she practically loved since the dawn of time was leaving with her screwed-up basket case of a pseudo-son and the man she considers an older brother on a mission that no one expected us to come home from, man. No one. We were supposed to die out there.” There was no use in sugarcoating it here because it was the truth. And sometimes the truth hurt like a bitch. Dolling it up to make it more palatable wouldn’t change a damn thing. “We weren’t supposed to come home like we did. I mean, shit, kiddo, for the past few weeks, all of us have been preparing ourselves for the worst, for dying out there for our country. So, of course, she ran for the hills with her kid in tow shortly after we left. She’s freaking terrified to come home and learn if she’ll have to attend three more funerals of people she’s close to. I mean, think how many she’s probably attended over the years? I’d have done the same.”
Ethan’s brows knit together silently, clearly mulling something over in his head. “Hang on. I thought Dad was on the ship? In the command center like he usually is?” The teenager’s voice then softened to a whisper as realization settled in, “Wasn’t he?”
“Yeah, he was up there.” Jesus! Jake hadn’t meant to introduce that particular fear. How could he be so bad at this after seeing how Justin had modeled it to him all those years ago before his death?
“Then why would she think something would happen to him, J?” Ethan challenged.
Too focused on their arguing, they hadn’t heard the front door open, so when their dad spoke a second later, both jumped in fright.
“Because if something had happened to your brother,” Admiral Simpson commented “if he had been the one shot down and left behind enemy lines, she knew I would stop at nothing to save him. Just as your brother did for Captain Mitchell and Lieutenant Bradshaw.”
“Oh.”
Yeah. Oh.
“Have a nice walk?” Jake asked in hopes of clearing the tension that bled into the room.
“Yes, actually. And I thank you both for not murdering one another in my absence,” replied their dad dryly as he shrugged off his coat and put it on the peg by the door. “I know it had to be quite the hardship you endured.”
Jake saw the slight telling pause a second later, knowing his dad had noticed the cleaned-off table. He shrugged lightly with a caught smile.
“What? Had some time to kill.”
“Jacob.”
He shook his head, though. “It’s nothing, Dad. Really. I just don’t like doing nothing. Guess it’s the Navy brat in me or something.”
“Hey!” Ethan glared. “I’m Dad’s kid, too, loser! Just because you get to see him on base doesn’t make you more of being his kid than me.”
Their dad sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Jake instantly elbowed his little brother to quiet. “Sorry, Dad.” He hadn’t meant to give the old man a headache on top of everything else. He had actually meant to soften the tone more.
“Why?” His dad’s eyes shifted over to him curiously. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Because.” He waved a hand vaguely. “You just got back from your walk and we’re already stressing you out again.”
Their dad snorted with a wry smile.
“What?”
“Kids are supposed to annoy and stress their parents, Jacob. Not majorly to the point we pass the point of no return, but you’re all supposed to be little horrors that make me want to tear my hair out occasionally. It’s what I signed up for. Because you little monsters give me a moment occasionally where all the headaches in the world are worth it.”
“And have I?” Jake then corrected himself, chastising himself silent at the slip, “I meant we.”
“You have. On multiple occasions actually.”
“Really?”
It was laughable and downright pathetic how eager and hopeful Jake sounded, he knew, but after not hearing things like this from his own biological father (or at least none that he could recall) had turned him needing the validation unfortunately. Or so he figured at least.
His dad smiled sadly, nodding before he placed a hand on Jake’s shoulder. “Yes. You showed all the makings of a great officer during training. There were a few . . . hiccups, naturally, but you were one of the few who applied what Captain Mitchell was teaching you. Could you have done it without leaving teammates behind during runs? Yes. But even the captain commented that he had zero doubts that if he needed you, you would be there off his wing.”
Mav had said that? Really?
“He understands you in ways I cannot. We differ too much as officers, as aviators.” Old man could say that again. “And as such, he recognized that your leaving Lieutenants Fitch and Garcia behind was not done callously, as so many believe you to be, but out of a need to give yourself more time at the target. To ensure you hit it without a need to rush and risk a terrible error occurring. He spoke of you a great many times in my office during those two weeks, in fact, Jacob. Of how he wanted and needed you to gain the team’s trust. To show them that you were not what your reputation claims you to be. Because he recognized that you had the most potential out of all to be a competent team leader. Who could lead the team on the mission.”
“But I didn’t do that.”
In fact, he had instead played up his reputation at times, gave them more reasons not to trust him.
“No. Not until after the mission. Until you learned to let go of whatever held you back.” At his slightly confused look, his dad explained further. “Save for Lieutenant Machado, you kept everyone at a safe distance. However, once the mission was over and everyone was back safe and sound on the ship, you connected with them while you all came down from the adrenaline high. You showed them the Jacob I know and love.”
Huh. He had done that, hadn’t he? And he had kept up with it even after while they were all going through their after-mission debriefs. It had been one of the few times he could recall being hugged by teammates who weren’t Javy. And he’d take it to his grave, of course, but it had felt nice.
“Better late than never, huh?” he quipped for the lack of a better reply.
“Indeed.” The admiral then sighed deeply, catching Jake’s hesitant gaze. “Seeing as how we are currently far from civilization and I know you two are very good at keeping secrets, I suppose there’s no harm in informing you both.”
“Informing us of what?”
“I filed a request with Admiral McAllister before we left asking to have a squadron be stationed permanently at TOPGUN for future use however the CNO and SECNAV see fit concerning worldwide threats. This mission has highlighted a clear need for there to be a specialized and highly surgical in nature team, much like the SEALS, to be ready at a moment’s notice. And despite my initial reluctance towards Captain Mitchell and his, shall we say, unique teaching methods, I cannot deny the fact that he has created a damn fine team with you twelve.”
“Okay, but what does that mean?” His mind spun with possibilities. It could mean any number of things honestly. Yet hope made him say the one thing he was praying to be the case. “We get to stay?”
“If the request is agreed upon, then yes, that is what I hope occurs. Looking through your files, reading your past COs’ disparaging comments concerning all of you, it’s glaringly apparent they do not recognize talent and fail to see the invaluable resources all of you are in their squadrons. So, if those dumbasses are too blind to see it because all they see is the errors, then I will petition for all twelve of you to remain where you will be appreciated, where you will be recognized instead.”
The way Jake’s heart raced currently was cause for alarm probably, but that was a later problem.
“And Captain Mitchell? What about him?”
Because this team wouldn’t work without him. They needed the captain, needed the man who refused to give up on the unwanted misfits who were tossed to the wolves and deemed unworthy by their superiors.
His dad heaved an annoyed sigh in response. “It is up to the captain if he wishes to accept the position again or not ultimately. I will not force the issue with him. He has more than earned the right to decide his career path how he sees fit. However, if he accepts and the proposal goes through, then I am recommending all of you undergo mandatory psych evals before I even think about sending any of you out there again.”
“But we already do that, though.” It was one of the requirements to make sure they were good to fly, in fact.
“Yes, but this evaluation will be with someone I know who can read past the masks we all wear. Who won’t just pass someone on the sheer basis they’re breathing and upright.”
Jake smiled warmly, hearing the loving paternal fondness in the admiral’s voice. “Careful, Dad. Someone might start to think you care about all of us.”
“I do care about all of you, Jacob.” His dad then seemed to stiffen just a tad before he let out another forced almost bitchy sounding exhale. “More than I probably should even.”
Ethan groaned then, “I’m getting more siblings now, aren’t I?”
“Absolutely not. I can barely handle you three as it is. Mitchell and Solomon will have to divide up the rest of the assholes. I’ve chosen my three.”
It took everything inside not to breakdown at that declaration. At hearing how wanted and loved Jake finally was. Not once had Admiral Seresin said anything remotely close to that. Not before when Justin was alive and definitely not after.
Fuck, Simpson was a good dad. A shining example of what one should be.
“Well,” Jake drawled with a wide grin to hide the tears that wanted to fall instead, “E-Man and I have the best dad there ever was, is, and will be.”
“Suck-up,” scoffed his pseudo-brother before he lightly shoved Jake.
Of course, in turn, Jake had to wrap an arm around the squirt in a brotherly manner and ruffle the unruly mop top affectionately. It was bro code after all.
Their dad only shook his head fondly before he grabbed the extra long cable laying on the kitchen counter and plugged his phone in. He turned away a moment later and headed towards his temporary bedroom for their stay.
“Wait! Dad! Where are you going?” Ethan called after needlessly.
Where did the kid think their dad was going?
“To lay down for a bit,” admitted the admiral sounding bone-tired now. “I trust you two can find something to do in the meantime with your time?” His eyes then darted to Jake. “That doesn’t include cleaning the already spotless cabin?” His gaze flitted to Ethan next. “Or be on your godforsaken damn phone all day?” He then motioned to the front door. “There is an entire world out there for you two to enj—” he cut himself off abruptly with a slightly startled look.
“You good there, old man?”
Jake felt Ethan’s eyes snap over to him in shock.
Their dad let out a quiet, introspective chuckle and nodded. “Yes. However, I just experienced the worst case of déjà vu just now.”
Jake’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”
“Because Jack said the same thing to Benji and me after we had been here a few days that first trip.” He smiled faintly, shaking his head at the memory before he glanced at one of the photos on the mantel above the fireplace. “I’ll be damned.” A moment later, their dad disappeared into his room, closing the door behind him.
“J?”
“Yeah, man?”
“Should we be worried?”
“Nah. But he’s right. We should go check out the rest of the place.”
“Seriously?” Ethan whined.
“Yes, seriously,” he lightly mocked back, resting his hands on the brat’s shoulders. “Now, go put on your boots and coat.”
“Ugh! You’re the worst.”
He snorted. “Uh-huh. I happen to have it on good authority that you actually like me as your big brother, so there.” He blew a raspberry towards Ethan for good measure.
Dad’s phone illuminating, however, not long afterwards caused both to glance at it in surprise.
Jake felt his heart stop the second the teenager snatched the phone from the counter.
“What are you doing?” he growled under his breath, careful not to draw attention to them. “Put that back.”
“But it could be important!” Ethan argued softly.
“Oh, puh-lease. That’s bullshit and you know it. You did it because you’re addicted to your damn phone and saw an opportunity to snatch it. I was not born yesterday, dumbass.”
The teen, however, had tuned him out already, entering in the code to unlock the phone.
The second Jake noticed Ethan’s puzzled look, he leaned closer to take a peek. “What is it?”
“Dad’s got a text here from an unknown number.”
“So?”
“So,” Ethan snidely replied, holding out the phone, “the person texted saying they had a good time today and that they should do it again soon.”
“Wait. What?” Jake yanked the phone out of Ethan’s hands and skimmed the short text chain. There wasn’t much to go off really. The messages seemed rather cordial and polite.
“You don’t think Dad hooked up with someone while he was gone, do you?”
“I mean, good for the old man if he did,” he muttered under his breath, shaking his head. “But, no, no way. It’s probably from Cavanaugh.”
It could potentially fit what a conversation would sound like between the two men. It was more likely than their dad bringing them out here so he could hook up with some chick.
“But why hasn’t Dad added him to his contacts then?”
“Because he’s old, kid.” Jake then backed out of the Message app. Only the fat finger fairy struck in the next second, bringing up another text conversation instead.
This message was to Penny.
I hope you find the answers you’re looking for out there, Benji. I myself am looking for answers as well at the cabin with the boys.
But if you don’t find them soon, please come home. Don’t stay out there and be stubborn, running blindly from the heartache and pain.
Those will always find you.
Trust me.
You can’t escape either.
I never could after losing Em.
It was always right there, lurking.
You recall probably far better than I these days how much of a mess I was afterwards. How much I failed with the kids. But you told me what I needed to hear, so here I am returning the favor finally.
You have to confront this. To believe him as you have always done. Believe in your love for one another.
Because I know what he means to you. I’ve heard you go on about him enough over the years that I could recite all the ways you love him likely even. I know how much you pinned on this time with him being the one that sticks for good. The one that ends the cat-and-mouse game between you two once and for all. So, I’m texting all this to tell you that he’s come home. That, for once in his life, he’s not running. Instead, he’s waiting but ready to chase if need be to be with you.
In fact, I have it on good authority that he went to find you at the bar a few days ago. He learned from Jimmy, of course, how you were still away on your sailing trip. And according to CDR Haverson, Mitchell looked like someone kicked his puppy, disappointed but accepting that you need space.
If you need further proof, know that I checked on him the night he was confined to bed in sickbay. To make sure he was aware of the severe consequences he’d face if he decided to circumvent the doctor’s orders. He was physically/mentally drained, dehydrated, malnourished, battered, and bruised. Yet through all that, he still somehow managed to admit to me with a straight face how he couldn’t wait to see you again once we returned. To tell you how he was ready to be the man you saw him to be all those years ago in your father’s office. That he was finally ready to live again.
So, I see it now, too, Benji.
I see how wrong I was about him.
I see why you care for him as you do. Why you have let him break your heart time and time again. Why you defend him every chance you can, regardless of whom you’re speaking with.
I see the man you and Kazansky have always seen that none of us but a select few did.
Please.
I know you’re scared.
Sick and tired of all the funerals, but there are none this time. I swear on my wings.
He saved them. He saved them all.
But now, I fear, Benji, he needs you to help save him.
He’s gone to the hanger in Mojave with LT Bradshaw. I’m told they’re working to repair their father-son relationship while under the guise of fixing his Mustang.
And according to the lieutenant, that is going well.
However, Bradshaw has expressed concerns about the captain’s mental state as of late. That the past appears to be catching up to him some nights. The guilt and fear.
He’s hurting.
Just as you are.
So come home.
Come home and be with the man you have loved for thirty-five years.
Please.
Because you and I both know that you won’t find your answers out there in the waves. In the wind as it hits the sails.
I wish you could, but you won’t.
Your answers lie in the hanger of Mojave.
Please don’t make me send a team to retrieve you, Benji.
Come home.
It’s time to stop running.
Jake’s mouth was dry from reading the message, feeling the emotion behind each word.
The message had been sent an hour ago.
There was no read tag below the message so she must have still been out of range for reception. As it was, even his dad’s phone had a weak signal judging by the bar in the top right corner.
Jake sighed heavily, moving to back out of the app.
Just as he did, however, he caught the read tag suddenly appear and three flickering dots.
Benji: How much Jameson have you had today exactly? And was it that damn bottle of Dad's you stashed when we were kids? Because it better not have or you're going to have a rough night tonight. Have fun with the boys, though. Fun, Beau. You know, that thing you're so avoidant of, sourpuss? Either way, be sure to say hi for me and give them both big hugs. Miss them both. Glad to hear the mission was a success. And more importantly you admitting you were wrong. Think I'll frame that and hang it on the wall. But quit worrying already. It was time to come back anyway so we're already heading back. Seas were too rough and choppy. You know how I hate that. No place for a lovesick fourteen-year-old convinced she's ruined her one chance at happiness forever. Hope yours are doing better than mine is currently.
Jake smiled faintly, shaking his head at the response. He nearly replied back before he stopped himself. One more message arrived a second later.
Benji: Thanks.
Chapter 4: Aimless Wandering
Notes:
Hello, dears.
So, bit of a shorter chapter for you here filled with brotherly love.
As always, thanks for the love.
Chapter Text
Trudging through the fresh powdery-fine snow, Jake walked beside his brother silently, always keeping one eye on the kid just to make sure nothing stupid happened that would cause him to hear the lecture of a lifetime later from Dad. However, it wasn’t as if the snow was causing them to slip because it was greasy or anything like that. In fact, the snow was actually a bit like walking on one of those beaches that were well-groomed and maintained to the highest levels to ensure the beach always looked postcard perfect for tourists. Only occasionally did the snow crunch beneath their boots.
Knowing Dad entrusted the kid to him while their dad laid down for his old man nap, Jake was going to everything in his power not to let him down. That was for damn sure. He’d protect the kid like Ethan was the President of the United States and Jake was Secret Service.
He frowned slightly at that comparison a moment later, realizing that maybe he needed to dial back on all the Gerard Butler movies soon. He had watched a lot of them recently to pass the time.
Man, he had to give Montana a hell of a lot of credit. It certainly had a hell of a dramatic view to show off, thanks to the towering mountains off in the distance. Everywhere one looked was some part of the mountain range. And each summit or peak was more beautiful than the one before it, it felt like.
One could definitely feel on top of the world in a place like this. Miles from civilization. From all the busyness of daily life. The distractions. Just man and nature.
He could get used to it out here.
The peace and quiet.
The chance to reconnect with one’s self while he waited for the shoe to drop on him and Rooster finally.
“J?”
“Yeah?”
“Are we lost?”
Jake stopped instantly, glancing over at the teenager. “Why the hell would you think that?”
“Because we’ve been walking for miles,” groaned Ethan. “Miles, J, and all we keep seeing are trees and snow and, look, more goddamn trees.”
“Hey! That bunny earlier takes great offense to you pretending we didn’t see it.”
“Where are we even going?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged carefreely. “Some of the best adventures happen that way.”
His brother didn’t seem sold yet, though. “You’re sure we’re not lost?”
Rolling his eyes, Jake glanced up the sloping snowy hill they had been strolling down. “I can still see our boot prints. See?” He motioned towards their tracks through the once pristine, untouched snow. “Therefore, we’re not lost.” They just couldn’t deviate from their earlier tracks. At Ethan’s look, he said, “Oh, come on. Are you really that addicted to your phone that you can’t see the beauty in this place?”
Shrugging, Ethan glanced around for a moment. “I guess it’s cool.”
Jake groaned loudly. “Dude, come on. You don’t get to see this view every day. Not to mention, born and bred Texan here, and even I can appreciate the white shit everywhere regardless of how damn freezing it is right now.”
“I guess.” Small victories, Jake reminded himself.
“Plus, take a moment to think about this, hotshot. This foot of snow we have currently is nothing to how deep it’ll be in, say, February or whenever. We’re just seeing the beginning of their winter. Come a few months from now, this going to be under at least 10 to 20 feet of snow.”
“Okay, fine. That’s kind of cool, I suppose. But don’t you miss Bradley at all?”
That question nearly sent Jake stumbling face first into a snow pile.
“What?” he choked out.
“Don’t you miss him? Like, aren’t you worried you won’t see him again? That the captain will keep him out there in the desert until who knows when now that they’re all friendly with each other again? That Bradley eventually will find someone else and decides you’re not worth the hassle because there are tons of dudes out there that aren’t quite the asshole to him like you were?”
Jake shook his head with a soft smile. Ah. Now he understood. “Look, I get you’re struggling with your first serious crush. That you fell hard and everything feels like the end of the world now because you’re away from her. But I promise you, kid. It’s not. She’ll come home, and you’ll see her again. And you two will talk.” He’d bet his wings on it, in fact.
“Aunt Penny would never let us date, though, much less Dad.”
“I think you’d be surprised,” he remarked. “But that’s all beside the point here. You have a choice right now, okay? You can choose to wallow in pity like you’ve been doing, sticking your head in your phone, desperate to hear from her, and miss everything that’s happening around you. Or you can choose to accept that for this week you’re spending time with your brother and dad, allowing you and her to have some space to breathe so that when you two do see each other again you can talk.”
“Is that what you’re doing with Bradley?”
“I suppose it is. Yeah.” Huh. He hadn’t thought of it like that before. But now that he was, he could see how obvious it was what he was doing here. “I can’t change him fucking off with Cap to make up for their lost time. I can certainly be disappointed and even a little sad about it, but, you know, I’ve waited this long. I can wait a little longer.” Jake then smirked before he playfully bumped into Ethan. “Good things happen to those who wait, young grasshopper.”
The line was lost on the teen, however. “God, you’re such a loser sometimes.”
“And you’re a teen who thinks with his lower brain instead of his upper one,” he retorted.
Ethan sighed heavily before he said, “Can we please go back now? I think I’m getting frostbite.”
Jake resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the dramatics, removing his own gloves to hand over to the teenager, though. “Here. Maybe next time you’ll listen when I say to put your gloves on.”
“You said coat and boots. You didn’t say shit about gloves.”
“I didn’t say jackshit about a scarf either, yet you’re wearing one, now aren’t you, sassy pants?”
Jesus, this kid sometimes. He felt sorry for any future kids Ethan and Amelia would have.
A second later, his phone along with Ethan’s both vibrated in Jake’s pockets. He ignored his brother’s desperate, pleading look and quickly reached for his own phone instead.
It was a text from Penny, he noticed as soon as he turned on the display shortly afterwards.
He opened the app then, skimming the text messages.
Queen Mum: Welcome home, Jake. I’m so sorry I missed you before you left for the cabin. But I want to hear everything I’ve missed when you’re free, especially how things are going with a certain brown-eyed, curly-haired fellow pilot of yours. Please tell me there’s been at least some progress on that front. Because I really don’t want to live through another ‘They were wingman’ Part Two BS again. It was torture the first time around. The second is just going to piss me off and remind me of the first part. Anyway, I’m sure Beau’s told you already, but Amelia and I are starting back. Should be home in a few hours actually if this headwind stays strong like this. We’ll see though.
Queen Mum: Now I know this goes without saying, but I’m really glad you’re home, sweetheart. Well, rather up at the cabin. How’s that going anyway? Have you seen any snow hares hopping around yet? Or is a certain stick-in-the-mud someone locking you poor kids inside instead, grumbling how damn cold it is? I swear, I’ve never met someone who complains so much about how cold it is until I met him. Yet, somehow, he’d be the first one wanting to go back if someone so much as mentioned that damn cabin. I choose the ocean, whereas he always chooses those damn mountains for some reason. Better than always choosing the skies, I guess.
Queen Mum: Anyway, if you want something to pass the time, look on the bookcase third shelf from the bottom. There should be binders there with some good blackmail for you to use. Just not against me please. Okay, I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing before. Love you, sweetheart. See you soon.
He chuckled quietly, shaking his head fondly.
It wasn’t a hug from her, but it certainly felt like it had been. He was left feeling all warm and loved inside again. And very, very curious about this third shelf now, too.
He sent back a quick text for her to be safe and that they’d talk later when she was stateside because he missed her too. He considered asking if she was going to head straight to her house right away or if she was going to drive out to the desert instead to see Pops first. A tiny sliver of him wished she’d come to the cabin instead, but he knew that was unlikely. She deserved her happily ever after.
“Was it Aunt Penny?”
Jake wisely held back the quip he badly wanted to say right then. He knew he’d only be rubbing salt in those very raw, exposed wounds if he did, in fact, say it. But, oh, how quickly it had gone from ‘my godmother’ to ‘Aunt Penny’ now.
“Yeah. She says she misses us.” It wasn’t quite a lie. She had said that earlier after all on their dad’s phone—the one Ethan originally had broken into which Jake later on used to read text messages without their dad’s knowledge. He had made sure to keep Penny’s text far from Ethan’s gaze.
“Is she coming home?”
“Sounds like.”
“Is she coming here?”
He could hear all the hope soaked into the poor kid’s voice. “I don’t know, man. All she said was that they’re coming back.” He gently patted Ethan’s shoulder sympathetically at the kid’s dejected sigh. “She also mentioned something about photo albums containing blackmail on Dad. You interested?”
Ethan’s brows knit together, and his head tilted like a confused puppy.
“What now?” Jake sighed heavily. It was always something with this kid.
“Can’t you just bring them up on your phone?”
Jake sighed loudly. “This, this right here is what is wrong with your generation. I swear.”
“What? That we ask questions?”
“Oh, just come on, you smartass.”
Ethan frowned but thankfully followed as they trudged in the direction they had just come from.
They were almost back to the cabin when a dark vehicle on the road paralleling their makeshift trail started to slow. It took Jake a second to realize he knew that black SUV. He immediately deviated to intercept, knowing Ethan was likely cussing him out for delaying their promise of warmth even more.
“How the hell have you been, sir?” Jake loudly announced, coming to stop right outside the older man’s driver’s window a moment later.
“I’m above ground, so no complaints so far,” the retired Navy vet replied. “Beau actually sent you boys out by yourselves? Say it ain’t so.”
“Yeah, well, he’s a little wiped out from his walk earlier.”
Cavanaugh blinked suddenly before he shifted in his seat noticeably. “Yeah?” A frown then fell onto his slightly chapped lips. “How about I take you boys back up there?”
“Oh, we couldn’t impose.”
“No imposition whatsoever, son. I was headed up that way anyway. You know, seeing as how I’m dining with you boys anyway tonight.”
“You are?”
Cavanaugh nodded before a look crossed his face. “Hang on. When Beau got back, did he say anything about tonight?”
“Not really. He actually walked in on Ethan and me talking about . . . well, a classified mission Dad and I were just on.”
“He tell you then that he recommended your team stays there at North Island?”
“He did.”
If Cavanaugh knew that, then their dad must have bumped into him at some point on the walk.
The text from earlier nagged in the back of Jake’s mind. However, like hell was he going to admit he had read private texts.
Ethan seemed to have no problem with that, though. Freaking teenagers. “Were you the person Dad walked with earlier?” the teen asked with zero chill. “Said you should do it again sometime?”
Cavanaugh chuckled for half a moment, shaking his head with an amused smirk. “What? You think your dad came all the way out here for a piece of hot ass, young man?”
The teen immediately flushed scarlet, glancing down in embarrassment. “Well, no, but—”
“Yeah, I was with him earlier. We were catching up. Why on Earth do you ask?”
Jake wrapped a friendly but firm arm around his brother’s neck, bringing the teen in closer. “Kids say the damnedest things at times, am I right?” He squeezed Ethan’s neck just enough to make sure the kid understood in no uncertain terms he needed to shut it ASAP, so they didn’t get into trouble.
Cavanaugh waited for a second, watching them closely, before he finally said, “Well, hop in, you two. We’re burning daylight.”
Chapter 5: Have you heard the story about your family?
Notes:
Well, hello again.
Enjoy the long, twisty chapter.
Chapter Text
The ride back was filled with awkward, tense silence. Thankfully, it wasn’t a very long ride. Still, though, Jake secretly couldn’t wait to be back at the cabin. He wondered how the old man's nap had gone with them gone for so long. He hoped it had resulted in some much needed rest.
Their dad certainly looked worn out at times.
As soon as they parked in front of the cabin, Jake practically threw himself out of the truck to head inside. He glared at the brat as Ethan raced past and burst into the cabin.
Freaking teenagers.
At Cavanaugh’s gentle hand grasping his forearm after they all entered inside a few moments ago, Jake glanced at the retired veteran curiously.
“Everything all right there, sir?” he asked, pausing before he started to remove his coat and boots. Out of instinct, he made sure to pick up the teen’s discarded coat from the floor to hang it beside Jake’s and fix how Ethan had left his boots so no one would trip on them later accidentally.
“Listen, I know you boys have probably picked up on your dad’s behavior by now, and that this is probably not my place either," Cavanaugh quietly said "but I promise that it has nothing to do with either of you boys. It’s got everything to do with his job, its stressors, and, well, if we're 100% honest, partly about Belle, too. What with her being out there God knows where in the Pacific running like always, thinking she can outrun the storm brewing inside her.”
“Belle being Penny Benjamin, right?” Jake questioned, needing absolute confirmation on his assumption to settle that mystery.
Cavanaugh nodded softly. “Yeah. That'd be her. Sweet Belle. Always waiting on her prince." He sighed heavily. "Your dad, on the other hand, he does everything to push through whatever mission is at hand. Shoves all feelings into a tiny box to deal with afterwards when he has the time to focus on them properly. And, oof, are there a great deal of them to deal with this time.”
Jake listened, considering the details the older man was revealing.
“Now, he’s great at compartmentalizing. A little too great at times even I’ll say. But to survive those two weeks of that training of yours, son, well, it took a lot out of him. Wrung him out further than he had ever been before, hence why he brought you two to this place. You see, out here, he can scream everything he can’t say back there on base. He can get it all out without ever having to worry about someone overhearing and reporting him. He can allow himself to feel here without the need to censor himself. Course, that’s not to say your dad doesn’t from time to time let himself feel on base or at home, mind you. He just . . . well, he finds it easier here. To have those powerful rants at God with no one else around to hear the words one dares not to speak elsewhere. I mean, shit, why do you think I live out here? Cause it sure as shit isn’t to help my arthritis. That’s for damn sure.”
Jake thought on all this for a few moments, considering everything being said. It made perfect sense. There were many times when Jake himself would turn off the comms, so it was just him and his aircraft up there in the blue skies during training. And the words he ranted sometimes had to be similar to the ones his dad probably said out here. Like why him? Why was it always him?
“Should we be worried, sir?” Because now that he had an actual dad who gave a damn about him, who actually loved him unconditionally, Jake wasn’t wanting to give that up for anything.
“Nah. Not yet. It’s when he stops leaving the cabin all together that we worry, son.”
Jake filed that info away for later.
Isolating from loved ones.
How many times had that phrase been used in behavioral sessions he was forced to attend? Told that if someone noticed a teammate pulling away, the expectation was to alert higher-ups straight away to enact medical protocol. Because it was always better to pull someone from duty than to bury them later when it was too late.
How many former service members were out there, though, suffering in silence? Forced to trudge on in an attempt to carry on even a sliver of their lives they had before service? How many pulled back, desperate to hide wounds left behind because they were expected to push forward no matter what?
Too damn many, Jake imagined. It was what made PTSD diagnosis so difficult at times. With the larger part being the failed mental health and VA hospitals too overwhelmed, overworked, and underfunded to deal with the crisis appropriately.
His eyes then fell back onto Cavanaugh. There was something here about the retired Navy vet that bugged Jake to no ends. How was it that this guy was such a close friend to their family but Jake was only just now finding out about him? Hell, for that matter, there was the whole thing with the cabin even. Things weren’t adding up. Why hadn’t Dad brought them here before? Like, for example, after bringing Jake into the flock three years ago? Or heard about Uncle Cav for that matter? He had thought he and Dad were pretty close, but now—now, he was starting to second guess that.
So much for no secrets in their family.
“Did you know him after Admiral Benjamin brought him here? After the car wreck?” he asked quietly. “Or did you meet him during a later trip?” In other words, was Cavanaugh a more recent addition to the family then?
“That first visit,” the veteran answered, motioning then for Jake to head to the kitchen. As soon as they stepped behind the counter, he further explained while Ethan plopped himself like a sack of potatoes on the sofa in the meantime. “Saw the haunted, lost look in that poor boy’s eyes. Saw how he’d flinch anytime anyone tried touching him. It was like one of those abused animals who knows pain and hate and everything in between you see on those commercials late at night. Course, knowing Beau’s biological family, what sort of monsters they were, I honestly should not have been surprised.”
Jake straightened instantly. “Wait. You knew his parents?”
“Unfortunately. His father was in my class at the Academy, and I met his socialite bitch of a mother a few times at the mandatory events. They were both rich snobs who on paper and especially in public were the perfect couple every way possible. But behind closed doors, that’s when it'd be clear how they had zero business having a child of their own. To them, a child was only a necessary, meaningless pawn used to stay relevant, a thing to keep up their appearances of being the shining example of what a proper family should be.”
Jake was suddenly reminded of his own father’s attempts at that same damn thing. How desperate the bastard had been to maintain that even after Justin’s death no matter what. He vaguely wondered what lie his father was reciting these days to explain away Jake’s noticeable and continued absence.
Cavanaugh shook his head in disgust at whatever thought crossed his mind right then. “Before the accident, Nos used to sit on that porch and rant for hours about them. About whatever horrible thing he witnessed them do to Beau that time. You see, they were next door neighbors, the Benjamins and Simpsons, close friends even for a time there.” He removed his ball cap and ran a quick hand through the receding gray hair. “At some point in the night on that porch, Nos would admit how he couldn’t fathom how anyone could put their child through hell, hurt their own kid. He's where Belle gets her big heart from, naturally. And eventually, after there was enough liquor in us, he’d tell me how he secretly reported Beau's parents again to the authorities. And then with the next breath, he’d curse at how everyone but him on base turned a blind eye to the abuse Beau suffered. How the authorities kept excusing everything that happened as a dad merely disciplining his kid. The helplessness of the whole situation frustrated Nos to no end. But short of kidnapping, there wasn’t anything more he could do, and he hated that. He did his damnedest to get your dad out of the house. He truly did.”
Jake was reminded of the moment on the carrier that night then. Of hearing the fierce paternal protectiveness in his dad’s voice as his dad made sure Jake’s father knew how loved Jake was now. His dad had drawn his line in the sand, using the experience he himself had gone through at the hands of his own parents.
“So, after Nos got emergency custody of Beau after the monsters' deaths, he brought the kids up here."
"The courts didn't have a problem placing Dad with the person who kept reporting his parents in the first place?"
"It was a different time back then, kid. And Nos was on his way up in the ranks by then. So what did it matter to some overworked social worker when it meant that a kid would be taken off the pile, you know?"
Jake felt sick inside, realizing Cavanaugh was likely telling the truth.
"Nos knew how messy it’d all be eventually when it caught up to them. Knew Beau would need space to grieve but more importantly to relearn all those things people take for granted: Kindness, unconditional love, comfort. The poor kid wasn’t used to decency of any kind shown behind closed doors. So, he wanted to show Beau there were kind hands in the world, not just ones who inflicted pain, who expected obedience at all costs. And who better to do that than Nos and Belle, right?”
How eerily similar he and his dad were. Penny had mentioned it during Jake’s first meeting with her, sure, but it hadn’t been until now that Jake could actually believe it. What his dad went through was why the old man was so good with him, wasn’t it? Because his dad had someone step in and help him find the light through the sea of darkness afterwards just as his dad was doing now with Jake.
“Now, I’d come around occasionally at Nos’s request,” Cavanaugh continued. “Help Nos undo the bullshit. But we quickly realized I only ever seemed to make things worse there in the beginning cause I reminded Beau too much of the public persona his father had. So, I’d only come around every now and then at the start. I was a stranger, you see, but Belle—or rather Penny as you know her—well, shit, she was always sweet on him. Took to him right away, in fact, during their first meeting according to Nos. It was at some barbecue event their families were forced to attend as a welcome to the neighborhood sort of thing.” He chuckled warmly. “That’s why I thought those two crazy kids would end up together some day. Eh, well, as long as they’re both happy, you know?”
“Why do you call Admiral Benjamin ‘Nos?” Ethan wondered, glancing over the back of the sofa.
“Cause his Academy nickname was Nostradamus. He could predict things like none other, I swear. Like, you see, there was this one time. We were all overseas at the time. Nos and Cut—”
Jake stiffened at once, grabbing Cavanaugh’s arm instinctively. “What?” A chill swept down his spine. Cavanaugh couldn’t have just been about to say Cutthroat, had he? Admiral Benjamin, Cavanaugh, Admiral Simpson, and Jake's father knew each other? He knew Navy circles sometimes ran small, but . . .
The older man’s eyes narrowed briefly before a sudden look of understanding passed. “Ah. Sorry there, kid.” He then sighed heavily, nodding. “Yeah, I knew your father. I admit it. He and Nos were best friends for a while there in the beginning. You wouldn’t see one without the other. If they had been aviators, we would have joked they were wingmen. But then . . . then it was like Cutthroat became someone else entirely overnight. The two got into a vicious row about something one night, and that was the last I saw of your father.” He dug into his pocket for a moment before he pulled out his wallet. Soon after, he held out a well-worn, folded photo that he revealed to be of eight men in combat uniforms standing together as a group with wide grins on their faces on board a ship. “That’s all of us there.” He then identified everyone. “That’s Haverson there with Catalina behind him, Smitty behind me, Nos in front of Wash, and your father with Beau’s father.”
Jake stared harder at the faded photo before he glanced back. He couldn’t exactly place it, but one of the men in the photo looked eerily familiar. “What’s Haverson’s first name?”
“Jimmy. Why?”
“There’s a bartender who works with Penny at the Hard Deck. He looks a lot like him. And his name’s Jimmy, too." Jake had never heard the guy’s last name, though. Could they be the same person? Had Jimmy also know his father?
Cavanaugh smiled softly. “Yeah, Uncle Jimmy loved to spoil our sweet Belle whenever she was around. She had all four of us—those of us still around when she came into the world—wrapped up in her tiny, little fingers. I mean, shit, Catalina nearly sobbed the first time we all got to meet the cutie. You see, Nos had thrown her the biggest damn first birthday party he could. It was, of course, mostly celebrating his finally getting custody of her after that whole BS with the state, but he invited all of us to be with them so he wouldn't be alone, you know? So, Honorary Uncles Jimmy, me, Catalina, and Smitty were right there for the little princess, celebrating and doting on her every single minute of that party. Nos threw a few more after that, but you know how it goes. Eventually, people move away. You lose touch. I couldn’t even tell you where Catalina is anymore if I tried. Last time I spoke to Jimmy was after we lost Smitty several years back to stomach cancer. Wash died from a drug overdose in the 80s. And your father I never saw after his knockdown, drag-out with Nos. That had been a few months before the news came out that Alana had died.”
“Alana?” Jake repeated curiously.
“Nos’s late wife, sweet Belle’s mother.” Cavanaugh sighed heavily, scratching above his right brow lightly. “Wished we knew what had happened there. It’s torn Nos up for years not knowing.”
“What do you mean? Knowing about what?” Even Ethan seemed interested. Though, considering this could be about his future wife's grandmother, it made sense.
Cavanaugh paused for a moment before he shrugged to himself. “Jimmy, me, Nos, and Catalina were all deployed at the time. Like so many of us were back then. We were in charge of patrolling the Mekong River mostly. Keeping it a fair fight, you know? It’s where Jimmy earned his Purple Heart actually.”
Jake’s eyes widened in surprise. “He has a Purple Heart?” He had drank with the guy for three years, and this was where he learned of that little nugget? Sure, he knew members didn't like talking about their medals, but that was a Purple Heart for fuck's sake! It was a highly esteemed honor.
“Jesus!” Cavanaugh let out a scoff of disbelief. “Doesn’t anyone in the family talk anymore?”
“Not really, no,” Ethan replied without thinking. He had gotten up and headed towards them, deciding he'd give up pretenses and join the conversation fully.
“I mean, I get not wanting to talk about what the hell went down in Nam, but . . . shit!” The Navy vet shook his head with a loud sigh. “All right, so, Jimmy took a bullet meant for Nos. Stepped right in front of him with zero hesitation when some son of a bitch raised his gun at us.” Cavanaugh then let out an anxiety-relieving small laugh. “I shit you not, boys. He’s the only man I know to be saved by his damn love handles. And, let me tell you, the second we knew he’d be okay, we gave that fucker so much shit about it afterwards.”
Jake chuckled lightly, reminded of his own light ribbing of Machado after the G-Loc incident since Coyote was grounded from flying for a bit afterwards.
“Jimmy got out after that, course. Honorable Medical Discharge. Catalina and me swore we’d watch all our backs after that. Make sure it never got close like that again.”
All the Daggers had made similar promises while they waited for debriefs. To have one another’s back always.
And then they left one by one until only Jake remained. Now only Machado texted him back these days, telling him to text Rooster and ask the chicken to talk over the phone or something.
“Then one day, boom, Nos gets orders to head home with no explanation as to why. Alana wasn’t due for another month or so with Belle, so it threw poor Nos into a tailspin of worry that something had happened to either of them. He was so excited to be a dad, boys. Would go on about it for hours while we waited for something to do. Tell us all about how he couldn't wait to be back with them. To hold Belle that first time and spoil her rotten every chance he could get. And he'd promise us every damn time, swear he'd send us each a photo of our newest member to the pack.”
Cavanaugh probably wasn’t supposed to be revealing any of this to them, but Jake didn’t want him to stop. He was learning so much about his family, understanding them better. He'd take Cavanaugh's word-vomit honesty over the questions swirling inside.
“Now, remember, boys. We were in an active war zone out there. Wasn’t like he could just hop a plane and come back. So, it took a week to get him back stateside. And when he did, he found the house Alana had been staying at while he was gone. It was deserted. A neighbor told him eventually that Alana was found unresponsive inside after someone called the cops about a noise complaint. So, he searched all the local hospitals before he finally found the one she had been taken to. And the officials there gave him the bad news. She was dead. Had been for at least a month by the time he got there. He demanded someone tell him about their baby then because no one seemed to talk about their unborn child.”
Jake felt his heart drop. He had a bad feeling about what Cavanaugh was about to reveal next.
“Okay? And? What happened next, Uncle Cav?” Ethan all but demanded.
“The hospital had the doctor who worked on Alana come in and talk to Nos. And he explained he had noted in his initial report there were signs Alana had recently given birth a couple hours before she was brought in, but that there was no baby found by the medics or officers at the scene. The good doc thankfully filed a report with the authorities, so he gave Nos the detective in charge’s card and wished him luck.”
Holy shit!
How much trauma had his new family endured? Penny—mother who died under mysterious circumstances; Cyclone—abused mentally, emotionally, and physically probably and sole survivor of a car crash that killed his parents; Jake himself—abused all the same, sole survivor of a car crash that killed his brother and wrestled with the guilt of that and his past two air-to-air kills; and Ethan—mother who died of cancer when he was young and forced to live life with uncertainly of losing more family members due to the nature of his dad and brother's career choices.
It was a wonder how any of them were still functional anymore.
“Now, naturally,” Cavanaugh went on “Nos went straight to the local precinct. He found the detective with little effort and then proceeded to read him the riot act for not reaching out earlier after his wife’s death. Which is how Nos eventually learned some jagoff at the Navy handling the overseas messages failed to relay any of the detective’s messages because he 'lost' them. It took two weeks to find his sweet baby girl in the foster system. You see, there were no records, boys, no notes tying Belle physically or legally to Nos. So, the detective had to do everything by hand practically, working through a list of all Baby Jane infants placed in emergency foster care during that time frame in the San Diego area.”
Jake couldn’t imagine. He’d have gone insane. Losing Ethan once at the mall a couple years back had been as close as he got to the sheer panic Admiral Benjamin had to have felt in that moment.
“Thankfully, the saving grace had been that each unidentified infant went through thorough physical exams and had blood work done in an effort to find familial matches someday. So, they narrowed the list down by blood types and found two. Even after all that, though, Nos still had to foot the bill for paternity testing and prove to the state why he wasn’t there for Belle to escape any BS neglect claims. That whole six months of hell fighting to get Belle back is why Nos eventually transferred to become a JAG lawyer actually. Used his three years stateside to put in the legwork to make that transfer be as seamless as possible.”
“I didn’t know any of that.” Or, hell, any of that if Jake were being honest.
Penny rarely spoke about her family other than her daughter and occasionally her dad. At first Jake had found it rather strange, but now he understood it. She hadn’t had a chance to know her mother.
Admiral Benjamin he had met a few times over the years in passing. It’d usually be when the admiral was leaving after indulging in a drink at the bar. The admiral would always break into a soft smile if Dad was around, but otherwise, the admiral was like any other stoic member of the brass.
Actually, Jake took that back. Come to think of it, right around the time he was adopted into the Simpson family, he did start receiving Christmas cards out of the blue. They were never signed and always had some cool stock photo of a vintage Navy plane on the front. He initially thought in the beginning that it had been from his sister-in-law, but Jessa’s actual card (signed even with her and Cassidy’s names) always came a few days later dispelling that. The handwriting inside was nothing like his mother’s either. It was too flowy. And Penny always sent him homemade cards with her and Amelia’s signatures. His dad and brother saw no need to hand out cards. Could the random cards have been from Admiral Benjamin all this time? He supposed it would make sense, seeing as how the admiral considered his dad as good as the admiral's son and admitted freely as such. Unless . . .
“Sir, may I ask something?”
“Shoot, kid.”
“You don’t send out Christmas cards, do you?”
Cavanaugh burst out chuckling immediately. “What?”
“It’s just . . . after Dad sort of pseudo-adopted me, I started receiving Christmas cards. They are never signed. No address on it either. I don't remember the postmark, but it was never from California or Texas like I'd expect.”
“Wasn’t me, son. But if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say Nos sent them. Beau’s never been shy telling us about you over the years. At least not to me, but I doubt he would with Nos. He'd say how unlike your father you are. How he’s happy to pick up Cutthroat’s slack because you're a good kid and deserve a good family.”
The words tumbled free before Jake could stop it. Cavanaugh knew his father, had served with him. He’d know what sort of threat the man posed. “He threatened him.”
Cavanaugh stiffened. “What?”
“Dad called my father while we were still out to sea, and he threatened him. Told my father that if he came close to the base, close to me, Dad would have him arrested.”
“Well, did the dumbass come near the base?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You think or you know, son?”
Jake paused for half a moment before he nodded sharply. “I know. Dad was relaxed while we waited for debriefs to finish. Plus, he says we’re not here hiding out.”
“Well, Christ, I should hope not,” the Navy vet scoffed. “It’s not like Cutthroat hasn’t been here before.”
“He has?” Damn, Jake was learning a lot today. Did his dad know this? Had Cavanaugh informed him about any of this over the years?
“Oh, yeah. Nos brought him here a time or two for fishing. That was before Nos met Alana. Brought all six of us here, in fact, shortly after Nos learned he was gonna be a daddy. First visit, I shit you not, I fell for all this right away. Said to myself how I’d raise my family here someday, and I did. Brought my Helen out here in 1979, and we raised our sweet Maggie. My girl’s now some hotshot fashion designer out east. Sends me tickets to visit every now and then, but, well, I’m in no hurry yet for the hustle and bustle of her city.”
Jake wondered then how long Cavanaugh had been out here by himself. It certainly explained why the man was a chatterbox and revealed all sorts of things he probably shouldn’t have. The man’s earlier comment on how they were the only family he had around currently then rattled around in Jake's head. And fuck if that didn’t hurt now to understand the true depth of that statement. Because they probably were, weren't they?
“You see, Nos’s own father would bring him here for father-son weeks whenever he wasn’t in school. So, when the old man passed, the cabin went into Nos's name. Just after he turned eighteen. Now, knowing Belle as well as I do, I’m sure she wants nothing to do with this old place. It’s too slow paced for her, too far away from the water, from her sailboat. So, I’d imagine it’ll be left in your dad’s name someday, boys, and eventually one of yours.”
“Sir?” Ethan said hesitating briefly.
“Yeah, kiddo?”
“How long has it been since you saw your daughter?”
Oh, for Christ’s sakes! Jake elbowed him hard in the side. It was like the kid lost all ability to be polite.
“Nah, it’s okay. He’s only curious. No shame in that,” Cavanaugh replied with a soft smile, glancing at Jake. His eyes then shifted over to Ethan. “Since we buried her mom a few years back. We talk on the phone every Sunday night, though. And, well, I know I don’t have many years left on this planet. I do. So, I know I need to spend as much time with her as I can, but . . . but . . . it’s a lot where she lives. So, I'm working on trying to make it work without being too much of a burden on her.”
“You should talk with her about that, sir. See if you could find a compromise.”
Cavanaugh smiled warmly at them. “If he hadn’t said otherwise, I’d swear you were Belle’s and his kids. You’ve certainly got their hearts.”
Jake chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, well, for Ethan’s sake, he’s lucky he’s not Penny’s.” Oh, that was going to bite him the ass now, wasn't it?
“Dude!” Ethan gasped, his jaw dropping. “Not cool!”
“Now, I’m curious. Whatever on earth do you mean by that?” Cavanaugh asked curiously, glancing between them.
“Penny has a daughter about Ethan’s age. A couple years younger. He’s got a bit of a crush on her. Roughly the size of the Grand Canyon if I had to estimate.”
“Screw you, Jake!” huffed Ethan, crossing his arms and glaring out the window.
“Ah.” Cavanaugh smiled at that with a thoughtful look. “Then Nos was right after all. He just got the wrong generation of Benjamin and Simpson.”
“You both suck,” grumped the teen before he stomped angrily towards his room.
Jake winced at the slamming door a moment later.
“Well, that’ll certainly wake Beau up,” muttered Cavanaugh. “Feel up to helping with dinner tonight while we wait for him to join?”
“Sure.” Jake stepped towards the sink, washing his hands thoroughly. It'd get his hands doing something, and Jake was never one to turn down that.
They were rolling out the homemade pizza dough a few minutes later when Dad finally meandered in and joined them. He had stopped at the edge of the counter and stared at them for a moment.
“Have a nice nap?”
“It was . . . until a door slammed.” His dad frowned, eyes still trained on the pizza dough spread out on the counter.
“Well, are you just going to stand there and stare all night, or are you going to chop the veggies, young man?” Cavanaugh snorted.
“You didn’t have to—”
“I wanted to. After all, how many times did you and Belle watch Nos and I make pizza for you two troublemakers, huh? No shame in keeping up the tradition with your boys.”
“Yes, well, in case it’s escaped your notice, one of my boys isn’t here," Dad replied dryly.
“Eh, give him time. You always took coaxing, too, in the beginning, but eventually you came out.” Cavanaugh then turned to Jake. “Okay. Now, brush the oil on lightly, then spread the sauce.”
“Aye, aye, sir,” Jake replied smartly, not wanting to hurt the man's feeling and point out that he had been making his own homemade pizzas since he was Ethan's age.
Cavanaugh chuckled warmly, glancing towards Simpson.
“You would have two smartass boys, wouldn’t you?”
“I also have a daughter who is very much not like her brothers. A fact I am eternally grateful for.”
Jake smothered his smile.
“How is Cassie anyways?”
“Good,” his dad answered neutrally, grabbing a knife after he washed his hands and the peppers and an onion. “She’s worried about me of course, expressing her wish yet again for me to retire soon, but she’s only at a three on the worry scale currently. So, it’s nothing to concern myself over too much yet.”
“She might have a point. I told you as much during our walk earlier. You carry too much stress home with you. It’s one thing being super dad to your boys, but you can’t forget about yourself either,” chided Cavanaugh.
“And I told you earlier, I’m not. I’m working through it. I’m taking the break and letting go. I intend to be around for a very long time.”
“Long enough to see both sons walk down the aisle with their significant other?” Cavanaugh made sure to wink at Jake with a wide grin.
“I don’t even want to think about Ethan marrying,” groaned Simpson, hanging his head.
“Oh, come now. She’s Belle’s daughter. How bad could she really be?”
Jake caught his dad’s sharp inhale before his old man carefully turned to Cavanaugh.
“She is twenty times sassier than her mother, and that’s me being generous. And she is full of herself, arrogant. Convinced she’s right on every little thing. And she’s a troublemaker.”
“So, in other words, she’s her mother’s daughter.”
“She’d eat him alive.”
“Did Belle eat you alive?”
“Of course not. I adapted.”
“So, what makes you think he won’t, son?”
Dad opened his mouth before he said in defeat, “You may have a point there.”
“Thank you.” Cavanaugh tipped his head towards him playfully.
“However, there is also the age difference here at play.”
“A couple years, isn’t it?”
“Yes. He’s fifteen-and-a half, whereas she's fourteen.”
“Well, the way you’ve described them thus far, they’re lovesick for one another. Missing one another deeply, in fact. Just as you miss Belle.”
“There is a very glaring difference between my missing Penny and his missing the younger Ms. Benjamin.”
“Oh?”
“He believes he’s romantically in love with her. I never felt such way towards Penny, however, as you recall. My feelings for her have always been strictly platonic in nature. Much as how an older responsible brother cares deeply for his younger reckless sister.”
“You still miss her.”
“Yes, but she’s needed elsewhere for the moment. And I have my boys currently. And you and Jack naturally." He then added, "And my second in command as well."
"Yes, but what about romance, son? You have a great deal of years left, and to spend them alone. . . I shall see my Helen shortly, I believe. There's no need for me to find another love, therefore, but you have so many years, Beau."
"I’ve had my taste of love with Emily. So, I fail to see myself falling in love again anytime soon.”
“Why?”
“Because I am not the same man I was when I met her.” His dad then sighed heavily, setting down the knife and forcing air into his lungs. He was about to admit something here. Something he didn’t want to but knew he needed to get off his chest. “Because while I love my wife tremendously, I . . . I have since come to realize recently that . . .”
“Yes?” gently prodded Cavanaugh.
Jake kept his eyes off his dad to give him space if he needed it. However, even he was on the edge of his seat here honestly. What had his dad realized?
“My marriage with her wasn’t the all-consuming love I thought it to be after all,” his dad finally admitted. “I wanted it to be, but I was shoving us to fit in a box we never would. I wanted to be a father, desperate to prove to myself I would be better than my parents had been, that I had broken the family curse. Emily . . . she never wanted kids, though. She only agreed to carry Cassie and later Ethan for me. Because she knew it was what I wanted more than anything.”
“Oh, Beau.”
Jake's heart ached for his dad. He couldn't possibly think that, could he?
“No, please. Don’t placate me," his dad sighed. "I’ve known all this for a very long time. It’s time I stop lying to myself and confront the truth. I married her because it was what I believed she wanted in compromise to my wish for children. We never discussed it while she had been alive, though. Not once. It wasn't until after she was gone that I understood she only ever wanted me. And, instead of that, I gave her long hours of being alone raising my kids that she never wanted, all the while I stayed out at sea and chose the Navy over her time and time again. I was a poor husband, selfish partner to her. I see that now.”
“What happened to her was not your fault,” murmured Cavanaugh, resting a hand on Cyclone’s shoulder. “Your actions didn’t cause her cancer. You know this, son.”
“I do,” he agreed. “However, that realization concerning my marriage with Emily has caused another to appear now. One that frightens me even more, because I can see how yet again I found myself going along with things I knew not to be right deep down. And as such, my failure to communicate my concerns appropriately nearly caused me to send six aviators under my command to die in the name of their country. I did it all without hesitation, callous and calculating and cold.”
“But you got there eventually, son. That’s all that matters in the end. It doesn't matter how you got there. Trust me. Just that you did.”
“Perhaps, but I need to learn how to speak my mind like Jacob does without hesitation, like Captain Mitchell does, especially when things don’t sit right with me, when I know that the duck isn't a duck so to speak. I cannot oversee this team effectively otherwise." His dad's eyes stared straight out the far window before he declared, "Because I will not send them to their deaths thinking they are just fodder again. I won’t be my father.”
Chapter 6: History Lesson
Notes:
Well, hello there, peeps.
This fic just ballooned out on me. Whoops.
We're starting to set this up nicely finally.
As always, hope you enjoy. I left you a nice long chapter here this time.
Chapter Text
After dinner was finished, Jake offered him and Ethan up to clean so his dad could talk in private with Cavanaugh more out on the deck. It was obvious he and Ethan weren’t going to be much good with whatever caused their dad’s mood shift recently, but Cavanaugh probably could at least get through. At least Jake hoped the retired veteran could.
So, the boys wiped down and washed off the table before they tackled the pizza pan, plates, glasses, and silverware. They made quick work of it, like they would have if they had been home, before Ethan went off to the sofa and Jake headed for the third shelf on the bookcase.
He found the binder easily right where Penny had said it’d be and headed back to his brother.
“Is that it?” asked the teen curiously, scooting closer to get a look at it.
Jake nodded, flipping the binder open to the first page.
August 1968
He stared at the photo of the much younger Admiral Benjamin holding baby Penny. The admiral had a soft, albeit tortured smile as he stared down at his little girl who was clearly unhappy in the photo.
There was a note beneath the picture.
31 weeks later my sweet girl is finally home for good
Penelope Wray Benjamin
Born December 13, 1967
Jake shoved down the feeling of intense sadness that wanted to surround him at those words. It had been almost fifty-two years since Admiral Benjamin had written those lines. The admiral was now a happy grandfather, retired even. Life had gotten much better for the older man thankfully. It got better.
Jake turned the page.
There were a bunch more photos on the back side of Penny’s first birthday. And the photos seemed to spill over onto the following page as well. He could recognize the faces from Cavanaugh’s photo earlier. And he could see definitely what the vet had been saying about the event. Their being there had definitely helped Admiral Benjamin out tremendously.
“He looks happier in these ones,” Ethan murmured beside him.
Jake nodded silently, glancing over the photos before he flipped the page.
They both laughed at the adorable photos that followed, showing the sassy, independent personality of the future woman they knew and loved shining through in her younger self. Jake found the one of her dressed in a princess-like dress with her hands on her hips glaring at the camera as the best one yet.
There were a few photos on the next pages of the young Penny accompanying her father to various events throughout the years. She couldn’t have been more than eight in most of them, but she was definitely dressed elegantly.
It took several pages flipping before they finally found another familiar face staring out at them.
June 1979
Home at last with us for good, safe and sound
Beau Montgomery Simpson
Born March 10, 1966
There were numerous photos of the then thirteen-year-old Beau Simpson. Some featured a young Penny, as well as a younger Cavanaugh. The shots were more candid this time, catching the kids in mid-smiles occasionally with a few laughs as well.
“Wow.”
Jake glanced at Ethan strangely the second he heard his brother. “What?”
“She looks so much like her mom did.”
Jake couldn’t help but snort. Oh, kiddo. “Yeah, well, you don’t look that far off from Dad either there, young Romeo.” The most noticeable difference was the shaggy, unruly hair Ethan had. Their dad seemed to have always liked keeping his hair short.
They flipped the pages, finding their dad’s high school graduation photo and Penny’s a year later. The honorary uncles were featured prominently. And there were even a few photos from each of their graduation parties as well, which it seemed Penny had the larger one and was more excited about.
“Hey. Look. It’s Dad’s Academy photo,” Ethan gasped when they turned the page again.
It honestly didn’t seem that different from their dad’s official Navy photo nowadays. Other than the lack of medals on his chest, one couldn’t see the difference really. Well, maybe a bit more grays too.
They kept turning the pages, soaking in their family history like sponges.
There were the photos of their dad in various uniforms, the day he received his wings, the one of him holding up the TOPGUN trophy, and numerous photos of when he’d return from a deployment here or there throughout the years.
Penny’s were a bit more sparse surprisingly. There was a college graduation photo where she was smiling cheekily at the camera while she flipped it off. And a couple of her with friends or possibly even old boyfriends. Jake couldn’t be sure but he swore one was of Captain Mitchell even.
It was quite a bit of pages before they paused again.
Christmas 2002
Our future communicator
Cassandra Lyrica Simpson
Born May 25, 2002
“God, she’s so tiny in Dad’s arms,” Ethan commented quietly.
“Well, she was seven months old at the time.” Jake’s head then tilted slightly as he glanced at the other photos on the page. There were a few spots where there had been pictures before based on the adhesive left behind. Jake glanced at his brother to make sure the kid was finished before he turned it to the next. There were even more photos missing on the next two pages.
Christmas 2004
Beau’s Karma
Ethan Hunter Simpson
Born March 17, 2004
There were a few photos of their dad holding Ethan with a proud and very prominent dad smile as he stared down openly at the little swaddled one in his arms. A few others of Ethan showed him being inspected closely by a young Cassie who didn’t seem sold on the idea yet of having a new sibling. The photos all seemed to be taken somewhere other than the cabin.
“Hang on,” Ethan frowned, likely noticing the same thing that Jake had earlier. “Mom’s not in any of these. It’s just Dad and Admiral Benjamin sometimes.”
Jake leafed silently through the following pages, shaking his head at the kid’s unspoken question. There were no photos of Emily—or whom Jake assumed would be her at least.
“Why wouldn’t Mom be in the book?”
“I’ve got a feeling she was in the missing photos, bud,” he murmured.
“And, what, Admiral Benjamin just took them out? Dad?”
“I don’t know.”
They turned the page and immediately gasped.
“Is that . . . ?”
Jake nodded silently.
June 2005
Safe once more, Thank Lord
The candid photos were of Penny with either her father or their dad near her. Her smile was clearly forced in most, save for one where she was passed out on their dad’s shoulder while their dad was reading. In the pictures, it was obvious she was pregnant with Amelia at the time. There was also a noticeable tan line where a ring used to sit on her left ring finger. This page must have been shortly after Penny separated from Amelia’s father, Jake realized.
“Dad seems relieved in that one,” Ethan pointed out.
“Yeah.”
Jake turned the page with a subdued sigh. He chuckled quietly at the doting new grandfather with his tiny granddaughter snuggled into the crook of his arm.
Christmas 2005
Our Fallen Dark Angel
Amelia Mary Benjamin
Born October 3, 2005
The sweet girl was dressed in various little adorable outfits and was held by either her grandfather, Cavanaugh, or Penny herself.
“Cute.”
“Yeah,” Ethan murmured with a soft, dopey smile.
That poor boy was so far gone already.
Christmas 2006
New Beginnings
This array of photos was of Penny herself with what looked to be her divorce papers in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. She jokingly appeared to be drinking from the half bottle with their dad off to the side in the photo giving her a disapproving look. There were even a few photos of celebratory homemade cake that looked rather hilarious in its decorations.
“Wait a minute. Didn’t Dad say this was my second time to the cabin?”
“Yep.”
“So . . . was June ‘05 and Christmas ’06 times Cassie and I weren’t there?”
Jake shrugged lightly. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
If it were the case for both times, the question then was why their dad had elected to come to the cabin instead of being with his own family, his kids. It was definitely a mystery.
He flipped through a few more pages, finding various Christmases over the years that only Admiral Benjamin, Cavanaugh (occasionally), Penny, and Amelia attended. There were more photos missing on these ones.
Nearing the end, the page turning stopped again. The handwriting wasn’t Admiral Benjamin’s this time. It was their dad’s.
May 2014
Saying goodbye for now
Ethan was taking short, quick breaths beside him, so Jake glanced at the poor kid.
“This was after your mom died, wasn’t it?”
The teenager nodded, eyes focused in on the pictures.
The pictures on that page were only of their dad, Cassie, and Ethan this time. A lot were of the siblings together, but there was one of the family sleeping curled up on the sofa. Cassie was on their dad’s left side while Ethan was on the right. Someone else had to have taken the photo.
Hearing the front door open, however, they glanced towards the sound and found their dad setting down two empty whiskey glasses and the bottle of Jameson he and Cavanaugh had taken out earlier for their talk. The admiral then shrugged out of his coat and hung it up next to the door.
“Oh. you found them,” their dad remarked quietly. “I take it Penny mentioned them?”
“Yeah,” Jake replied. “Do you happen to know who took this photo?”
Their dad stepped out of his boots, carefully setting them aside in the boot tray before he walked slowly over and glanced at the album. There was another quiet laugh before he nodded with a soft smile.
“Cavanaugh did. He and his wife had stopped over to check on us, make sure we were getting along all right and found us all asleep like that. He said it was too good of an opportunity to pass up.”
Jake nodded, glancing back at the photos. Yeah, that made sense. It was a great photo of the family after all.
When the faint scent of alcohol wafted down a moment later, Jake glanced over to the bottle on the table. It was now only half full, he noted. He wouldn’t call anyone out, much less his dad, for indulging in alcohol before bed. However, the seminars Jake had been forced to attend over the years rattled around in his head at the sight of the half-full bottle.
Alcohol was an easy way to shut one’s brain off when it otherwise wouldn’t.
Jake would know. He certainly had gotten buzzed enough over the years, especially on the nights when something would remind him of Rooster and cause the longing to flare up again.
“Dad?” Ethan softly said, drawing Jake’s attention back to them.
“Hmm?”
Their dad’s hands were curled tight around the back of the sofa.
“Why aren’t there any photos of Mom in here?”
Jake caught the instant flash of pain cross their dad’s face before their old man sighed heavily.
“Were they the photos that were removed?” Jake asked, offering a possibility for his dad to answer with either a yes or no.
Their dad seemed confused by that, though. His brows knit together. “What are you talking about?” He seemed puzzled by hearing there were photos missing.
Jake leafed back to one of the pages that had the most missing pictures and held the album out.
“There were pictures there,” Ethan commented. “Were they of Mom?”
“Oh. No.” Their dad shook his head, staring at the pages for a moment. “She never came here.”
“She didn’t?”
Their dad’s gaze shifted to them before he attempted to blink back the fuzziness. “No. She wasn’t exactly . . . fond of my relationship with the Benjamins, namely with your godmother.” He glanced back at the album before he shook his head with a frown. “I think the missing photos were of Cavanaugh’s wife and us. I’d imagine Jack gave them to him after her passing.”
“Wait. So, Mom never was in the book?”
“It’s not for a lack of my trying, I assure you,” their dad sighed. “But your mother . . . she didn’t want any association with them and told me that I could, of course, if I wanted include you and your sister as you’re my children, but she wanted to be left out of it entirely as they’re no family to her.”
“Oh.”
Jake minutely winced at the unintentional harshness in their dad’s answer. That clearly had been a sticking point the two had fought over during their years of marriage when Emily had been alive.
It took a second before the old man cleared his throat, losing some of his tension again.
“That’s not to say your mother and I didn’t have albums of our own back at the house, however,” he was quick to say. “When we return, I’ll get them out of storage.” He gently patted Ethan’s shoulder lightly. “I hadn’t considered you’d want to see them, or I would have brought them out earlier.”
The teen seemed to digest this for a moment before he spoke again. “Dad?”
“Yes?”
“Why didn’t she like them?”
Their dad’s closed his eyes for a brief moment before he blew out a loud sigh.
Jake caught yet another whiff of the alcohol on their old man’s breath, resisting the urge to crack a joke about how drunk Cyclone seemed to be considering how much he was revealing. It wasn’t the place. And if the man was truly hurting that deeply, that would be entirely the wrong thing to do here.
“Partly because she found your godmother to be . . . well, too overbearing at times honestly. But mostly because I didn’t help matters any.” He sighed heavily again. “When Penny separated from her ex-husband unexpectedly, I stopped here to see your godmother first. Before I returned home to you, your sister, and your mother.”
Oh.
“I needed to make sure Benji was all right myself before I went home because . . . the comments I overheard concerning the whole matter . . . I wasn’t sure what state your godmother would be in when I’d see her. And I knew she was pregnant at the time, something I knew she had been wanting for so long.” He let out a wry chuckle, leaning further over the back of the sofa. “Your mother and godmother both let me hear about my foolish error over that. In fact, Penny straight up bitched at me for a solid hour for coming to see her first, calling me every name in the book and then some. She told me how I would fuck up my marriage if I kept doing that.”
“Was she right?” Jake wondered, cursing himself for asking it.
“Probably.”
He knew he should drop it. Help their dad to bed before the poor guy passed out. However, he also knew from experience that getting the words out, even if one was drunk, helped when it was said a second time while sober.
It was how he could admit to himself that he and Rooster needed to talk. To work through their shit together and try again.
“You were there for her divorce the following year, too,” he lightly prodded.
“I was.” Their dad shook his head somberly. “I was going to be deployed again. It was supposed to be a shorter deployment that time. And I knew how hard they were for Emily. So, I offhandedly suggested we all head here to the cabin for Christmas with them. I thought if she got to know them, she’d see they weren’t so bad. Not like she thought at least. It led to an argument as it usually did.”
“What happened?” Ethan asked.
“She left. Screamed that if I wanted to have a family Christmas so badly, I could have one with them since it was obviously what I wanted in the first place but that she was going with you and Cass elsewhere.”
Jake’s jaw dropped. Holy shit!
“And you just let her leave, Dad?”
“Yes. There was no talking to her when she was in one of those moods of hers.” He waved his hand airily. “And I didn’t want to upset her further. I knew she’d take you and your sister to her parents’ house. That you two would have a good family Christmas with them. Because it was the one place I wasn’t allowed to go, seeing as how your maternal grandparents hated my guts.” He scoffed bitterly. “They were convinced your mother had married so far beneath her by being with me, but they loved you and Cassie. So, yes, I came here instead. And I knew I was putting another nail in my marriage’s coffin. But I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas by having you witness us fighting. So, I stepped aside and let her have her way without a fight. When we came back after the holidays, we made up. I apologized for my words, and she apologized for using you and your sister to hurt me. We talked, were honest to a point about our hopes for our failing marriage. We just kept deluding ourselves, thinking it could work.”
“Why didn’t you two just divorce?”
“We probably should have,” their dad admitted with a heavy sigh. “But my ego wouldn’t allow it. I kept thinking I could fix it if I just . . . . could make it easier for Em to cope with the . . . unpleasantness. And each time it got worse, I tried a little harder, thinking this time I could get it right for her, could give her that perfect life she wanted. It’s taken many years to realize that . . . that would never be the case, though. It never would have worked between us, and eventually she’d have left for good. Saved herself from the heartbreak I caused her when I’d choose the Navy over her, choose you and your sister, choose Penny and Jack even.”
Ethan’s eyes darted to Jake.
“I love your mother very much. I do. Do not ever doubt that, son. I love her so very much. Perhaps not the way I should have, the way she deserved, but I do. However, it’s become abundantly clear now that she and I . . . we should never have married, never stayed together as long as we did. We were hurting one another in our attempts to make it work. My square peg would never fit in her round hole. Never.”
Jake considered interrupting, but he could see the weight come off their dad’s shoulders with the painful admissions. It might not have been sober thoughts being spoken, but even drunken ones were based on some reality.
“She wanted me alone. Not the white picket fence. Not the perfect home that looked like it came from a Better Homes & Gardens magazine. Not the beautiful family where everyone was happy all the time. She didn’t want any of that nonsense. I, however, still believed all the lies I was fed by my own father of what a good, respectable Navy man would have for a life. I shouldn’t have, though. I should have realized it for what it was, but I was so sure I could give that to Emily if I just tried a little harder, was a bit more like what she wanted. But it was a fool’s fallacy. I see it now. And Jack, oh, fuck, he tried to get me to realize that before it was too late, to accept myself, accept my brokenness, but I didn’t. Not until it was too late. When there was no more time to save us.”
“What are you saying, Dad?”
Cyclone sighed inwardly, glancing down at his wedding ring. “I came here with the expectation of helping us all find a way to deal with the unexpected leaving all the time, the feelings it roused inside, the memories. I didn’t want you to suffer through the difficulties of deployment as your mother did, Ethan. To worry yourself as much as she had. However, lately, I find myself recalling the last time I was here instead. The unresolved feelings of guilt and shame I had shoved aside back then to help you and Cassie through the unimaginable loss of losing a parent unexpectedly. It’s why I’ve . . . well, why I’ve acted so out of character recently. Because while we need to explore the recent events we’ve faced to ensure we can move forward, I find myself returning to my last trip here. After we lost your mother. And now I see what I could not allow myself to before.”
“Which is?” Jake inquired curiously. God, he really needed to shut up here. This wasn’t the place for this heavy of a conversation. It definitely wasn’t the people their dad should be having the conversation with either for that matter.
“My failures as a husband and a father. The very things I desperately tried to prevent.”
“You didn’t—”
“I did,” their dad stated firmly. “There’s no shame in admitting the faults. It’s how one learns from mistakes to prevent future ones. It’s important to reflect from time to time and see it through clearer eyes. Otherwise, you’re just stuck, doomed to repeat past errors.”
“So, how do you get unstuck?”
“By admitting errors and asking for forgiveness when I’ve wronged those I love.”
Jake couldn’t help it. “You’re one of those constantly guilt-ridden Catholics, aren’t you, Dad?”
Cyclone chuckled with a soft, sad smile. “I am.” His gaze glanced back to the album before he sighed quietly. “I eventually got it right with you, haven’t I?” His gaze fell onto Ethan.
The second Jake saw his brother’s deer in headlights look, he knew it was time to step in and end it. “And with that, I think it’s time you slow down with the whiskey there, old man.” He quickly went to his feet and moved to their dad, gently prodding Cyclone to the sofa. “Here. Let’s replace that with some good ol’ coffee, all right?”
Ethan glanced at Jake for a brief second before he turned back to their dad. “Do you seriously think you suck at this whole thing?”
Jake lightly punched his younger brother with a fierce glare that meant the kid should shut it.
“Because you don’t, Dad.” Of course the teen wouldn’t listen. Stubborn Simpsons. “You’re at almost every game of mine if you can get away from base in time. And if you can’t, you send Admiral Benjamin or Jake in your place. And win or lose, I know you’re proud of me. I don’t ever have to question that. I know you are. And . . . yeah, sure, you sometimes embarrass me when you give me a hug in front of Dev and others, but, like, I get it now. I get why you do it. There’s zero reason to feel guilty about me. Seriously.” The teen then continued rambling messily as Jake gave up and headed to pour a cup of coffee. “I mean, sure, at first, what I remember, it was . . . well, it was pretty horrible in the beginning. What I remember at least after Mom died. Because all of a sudden, you were back in our lives after being away so much. But I never blamed you for it. I blamed the Navy. Just like I did again with this deployment. But, Dad, I’m not ten anymore.”
“You’re not,” their old man agreed softly.
Jake returned with the steaming cup of coffee shortly after, handing it out to their dad. In hindsight, he should’ve considered how long their dad had been out there drinking. Cavanaugh had warned him to keep a careful eye on their dad, hadn’t he? He frowned when their dad took a sip and then proceeded to set the coffee down on the table.
Not what he meant.
“Like, yeah, okay, I was scared for you two out there,” Ethan continued. “But only because the last couple of years have been pretty amazing with Jake being here with us. So, I admit. I keep expecting the bottom to drop out, you know? But I was so damn happy when you said you were both coming back home. I mean, Dev can tell you. I was dancing like nobody’s business over it. But . . . Dad, I talked with Sloane about this. We’ve been discussing ways I can, you know, approach my anxiety better for the next time. Because I know there’s going to be a next time, and I’m going to be ready for it. That’s what you need from me.”
“No.”
Jake’s head whipped towards his brother. Need from him? What the hell did that mean?
“Yes,” Ethan argued. “I’m a civilian right now. I might know more than the average one, but I’m still not a part of your world yet. It’s up to me to make sure—”
“You’re a kid, Ethan. Your main concerns should be about school, about football and the like afterwards. Hell, on convincing Ms. Benjamin to be your girlfriend at some point . . . just please wait until she’s older, I beg of you. If she’s anything like her mother, you have to wait.”
The snicker slipped past Jake’s lips. “What do you mean by that?”
“I was there for every loser,” groaned their dad, letting his head flop back against the back of the sofa. “For every dumbass she swore was her true love that time. And I was the one she . . . she confided in when she got in over her head once when she was her daughter’s age. You would have thought she’d have learned her lesson that time, but she didn’t. She thought she was invincible, untouchable. It wasn’t until that son of a bitch Sullivan that she finally, finally, woke up and realized how in danger she was.”
“Is that Amelia’s dad?”
“Supposedly, yet I see nothing of that fucking monster in her. In fact, it would appear Mitchell thankfully holds the biggest chunk of her heart currently.” Their dad sighed into his hands in relief before letting his hands drop to his sides again. “Which is miraculous considering how much he was in and out of her life growing up. But she swears Amelia isn’t Mitchell’s, yet I have a phone full of messages from the young girl screaming at me that state otherwise.”
“Wait.” Jake’s eyes widened. “Amelia called you?”
“Multiple times. On her mother’s phone since she learned that he was going away. I don’t blame her for the outbursts. I understand it. She once again had him taken from her, and she cares for him more than she would ever admit to herself . . . more than her mother probably ever admits to herself even. She needs Mitchell as much as Penny does. And I get that now. Hence why I won’t force him to agree to the permanent post. I’m aware how well the test pilot program was for him. How much it settled him and eased his PTSD, his survivor’s guilt.”
“His PTSD?” he repeated carefully. Survivor’s guilt Jake could understand. He had learned at the Academy about the tragic accident at TOPGUN, how important it was to anticipate jet wash.
“I was just like the others before me with him. So convinced he was a little mouthy, insubordinate shit who thought he was better than everyone. But I easily could have been him. Any one of us could have with one mistake. He’s been the Navy’s punching bag for the entire length of his career, and somehow that . . . that man gets up and does his job, no matter what it was.” Cyclone closed his eyes and sighed. “He had me dead to rights that day in my office. Could have ended my career if he wanted by reporting me to Kazansky, what I said to him. But he didn’t. He let it slide off him and showed me what he was made of in the end. Showed me why Kazansky believed in him all those years.”
Jake frowned, waiting for him to continue.
“Dad?” he said softly when Cyclone still hadn’t said anything after a few minutes.
“Yes?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re a rather sad, talkative drunk, you know that?”
Jake caught the quiet, subdued chuckle.
“I may have indulged a bit more than I intended, admittedly.” He then groaned loudly before he shoved a hand into his jeans pocket and pulled out his vibrating cellphone. “Oh, goody.” He hit the green button to connect the call. “If you’re going to scream at me more tonight, be aware—”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Uncle Cav was right. You did get into that shitty Jameson, didn’t you?”
Jake immediately clamped down on his laughter when their dad sat up straighter instantly and held the phone out in front of him comically. The volume was pretty high on the call, which must have happened when their dad tried to pull his phone out of his pocket.
“Benji?!”
“Where are the boys?”
“We’re here, Ma,” announced Jake, leaning over and hitting the speakerphone button so they could all hear better.
“Hi, sweetie. Could you do me a huge favor please?”
“Are you headed to the desert?” Dad interrupted, though.
“If I can find it, yes,” she said with a deep sigh.
“Well, Rooster’s up there with Pops. I can send you his number if you don’t already have it,” Jake offered, already pulling out his phone to send her the number.
“Please. It’s . . . well, it’s been some time since I was last up that way.”
“Have you ever been to the hanger?”
“No. That was his and Tom’s hideaway. But Tom gave me the address and, well, what I guess constitutes as directions, I suppose.”
“What will you say when you get there?” their dad asked.
“I have a few hours before I have to decide on that, now don’t I?”
“You should tell him you love him.”
“Oh, Christ,” she muttered under her breath.
“I mean it, Benji! You should tell him.”
“Beau, I mean this with absolute love, okay, but for the love of God, throw that fucking bottle out already. I’ll buy you a new one, biggest one I can find, when we get back. I swear.”
“I’ve drank Jameson before, remember? Lots of times. I’m just a little—”
“Jake?” Yep, she was definitely not having it tonight.
“Yeah, Ma?” He was trying hard not to snicker at the pout on their dad’s face.
“Throw the fucking bottle out.”
“There’s nothing wrong with—” argued their dad.
“Okay, fine. You know what? Fine, Beau. I’m only going to say this once. Even if that bottle wasn’t forty years old Jameson, you shouldn’t be drinking it. No one should be drinking it. I should have thrown out the damn thing decades ago. But I didn’t know where you stashed it, and I couldn’t really risk asking because then you’d want to know why I wanted to know. You’re right, though. You’ve drank Jameson many times without a problem. However, that’s not just Jameson you’re drinking.”
Jake’s eyes widened. “Uh, question, should I be taking Dad to a hospital or something now?”
“No,” she answered calmly. “I switched out half of the Jameson for some vodka Dad had at the cabin. It was long before I knew what would happen. He just gets drunk quicker. Now, will you please get rid of that damn bottle?”
“On it.” Jake paused, though, when he grabbed the bottle. He then turned back as a thought occurred to him. “Wait. Dad, did Cavanaugh drink this with you?”
“No. He gave up drinking after they buried Washburn,” Dad answered offhandedly.
At least they didn’t need to worry about Cavanaugh then thankfully. Jake poured the rest of the bottle down the drain with a sigh.
“You honestly poured vodka in it?”
Jeez, no wonder the old man was having such difficulty holding his liquor currently.
“I was a dumb kid, remember? I didn’t know better. I just thought vodka went with everything, so why wouldn’t it go with Jameson?”
“You’ve been trying to kill me all these years!”
She groaned loudly. “You’re the dumbass who kept drinking the shit.”
“It’s all gone,” Jake announced as he walked back.
“Thank you, sweetheart.” She then sighed again. “He’s going to have a bitch of a hangover tomorrow. I’m sorry.”
Yeah, that was pretty much guaranteed at this point. “Any other, uh, bottles we should be on the lookout for here?”
“No. It should just be that one. Thank you, Jake.”
“No problem. But, uh, is a certain kiddo with you by chance?”
“She’s sleeping currently, but I’ll tell her that Ethan says hi when she wakes.”
Jake caught his brother’s wide grin.
“And I’ll tell Bradley to call you.”
“Eh, I’m good.” He tried to play it off nonchalantly, but even he could hear the nervousness.
“I’m not,” she replied flatly. “I’m not going to suffer through another repeat of history.”
“Yet the kiddos—” Jake started to remind her.
“That’s different and not in question here,” she interrupted. “Anyway, I should let you go. Stay with him tonight, okay? He’s going to need you two.”
“Understood. Drive safe.”
“Love you too, boys.” The call dropped a moment later.
“All right.” Jake clapped his hands together. “Since I appear to be the non-hammered adult here tonight, let’s—well, let’s get ready for bed.”
“Already?” Ethan seemed shocked.
“Kid, with the amount of alcohol in the old man, he ain’t gonna last much longer. We need to get him tucked in before that. Because you and I might be strong, but we’re not that strong.” He then plucked their dad’s phone out of the old man’s hands.
“Hey!”
“You’ll get it back when you won’t accidentally drunk dial your boss, Dad.”
Ethan immediately muffled his laughter at the glare Jake got in return.
“All right. So, I’ll get the bedding while you brush your teeth and get ready for bed, deal?” He pointed at his brother when he caught the glare. “Don’t give me that look, brat. I’m in charge right now.”
“And how the hell are you going to get Dad in his room by yourself?”
“Easy. I’m not. There’s more than enough room on the couches here for us to sleep comfortably. Plus, Ma’s right. He needs us out here making sure he doesn’t start having any issues. So, go on. Go change and brush your teeth.”
“Control freak,” the teen muttered as he marched off towards their bedroom.
“You really don’t need to do this. I feel” their dad hiccuped unexpectedly “fine.”
“I know, but you take care of us all the time. Let us do the same for you tonight, old man, okay?”
“Bradshaw’s a lucky man, Jacob. You’re going to be a good partner to him someday.”
Jake paused for half a moment before he laughed quietly. “We’ll see. Now, do you need to use the bathroom before you pass out or are you good?”
“I mean it, son,” he replied, gently grabbing Jake’s arm. “You’re a good man. He’ll be lucky to have you in his life, to walk beside you.”
“Yeah, well, I got to talk to him first, remember?”
And, fuck, if that didn’t seem like it was eons away at this point.
“You will.” Cyclone then messily started undoing the buttons to his flannel shirt, which he tossed onto the floor once he managed to get it off. “I envy you, Jacob. Envy your entire generation really. You love who you love with no thought given of how it appears. Eight years ago, you’d have been kicked out for loving him. Discharged even. Never understood that directive. We lost too many great men and women over it. And not even an apology given over the lives it ruined. I’m glad you can be with him now. That you can be happy, Jacob. That’s all I want for you, for Ethan and Cassie, too. I just want you three happy . . . loved . . . safe.”
Jake averted his gaze instantly when his dad started undoing his jeans. Well, they were here to bond as a family, weren’t they? He kept an ear on his dad while he went to grab the spare blankets from the linen closet.
“Jacob?”
“Yeah, Dad?”
“I hope you know how proud I am of you. Of seeing you become your own man these past few years. Your father may not see it, but I do. You’re going to be great, Jacob. And I can’t wait to see you thrive, succeed in life.” His dad then sighed dramatically, sounding strangely enough similar to Ethan at times. “I can’t understand why he’d have blamed you for anything. Why he’d hurt you like he did. Then again, I never understood my own parents honestly. I’m so glad to be your chosen dad. To have picked up the phone that night and met you.”
He walked back with the bedding, dropping one set onto the sofa opposite the sectional.
“Me too, Dad. Now, settle back, will you?” He handed over two pillows and the comfy bedding that would likely keep them nice and cozy. He helped him get it just the right way as the man’s coordination was off. When he saw the wedding ring on the coffee table, he sighed inwardly.
Ethan joined a few minutes later in his US Navy pajama bottoms and top. He tossed Jake his sweatpants before he headed to the sofa.
“Dad’s already out?”
“Let’s hope for his sake, he stays out tonight because Ma’s right. That hangover is going to be a bitch tomorrow morning.” He helped Ethan settle into his little temporary nest next, ruffling his little bro’s hair affectionately before he moved to his own part of the sectional to lay out on.
“J?”
“Yeah, man?” Jake quickly changed into his sweatpants, neatly folding his clothes and setting them aside where he could easily get them in the morning.
“Do you think Aunt Penny’s going to make it to the hanger?”
“Yeah, I do,” he replied.
“How?”
Jake then shut off the lights, letting the glow from the fireplace light the way to his own little nest set-up. “Well,” he started to say, sliding down into the bedding, “because when someone you love is hurting like Pops is, when they need you, you find a way no matter what. You fly faster than you’ve ever flown to reach them. You surpass all safety measures you know you shouldn’t but do anyways because they’re your end goal. They’re your reason for waking in the morning. Because you know deep down that when you two are together again, and you two will be together again, that part of you that’s been amped up for so long, restless and wandering, it’ll quiet, still. Because they calm you just with their presence. And, sure, you might throw a bitchy comment here or there at one another from time to time, but it’s just because you feel everything so . . . so much at once when they’re around. They overwhelm your senses, drive you crazy, but you love them. So it’s all worth it in the end. Every bit of longing you feel, every swoop of your heart, every moment you miss them. It ends up being worth it. I promise.”
Ethan was silent for a moment before he exhaled softly. “Night, Jake.”
“Night, kid.”
Jake listened to the sounds of their dad’s heavy snores nearby followed by Ethan’s joining not long after. His eyes drifted upwards to the ceiling as a gentle smile went to his face. He was reminded of the times his older brother had done this for him when Justin had been alive. Stayed with him after a night of heavy drinking so Jake would wake in the morning.
“History sure loves repeating itself, doesn’t it, J?” he mouthed. When his phone vibrated a second later, he frowned but reached for it. He turned on the display finding a text waiting for him.
LT Cock-Me-Doodle-Do: Hey. Sorry if this wakes you but I wanted to say thanks for giving my # to Penny. Knowing she’s on her way here makes it a little better to sleep honestly. And I know I owe you a talk sometime soon. And I really want to have it. Because I miss you. More than I wanted to admit to myself. Because I should haven’t left like I did. You didn’t deserve my assholeness. I messed up, and I’m sorry for hurting you back then. I don’t have an excuse, and I’m sure you don’t want one either. I was wrong. And I shouldn’t have ran. I should’ve talked to you. Been honest and admitted I was wrong and wasn’t ready after all.”
Jake stared at the words, feeling his breath catch. His fingers flew over his keypad. It barely even registered that he had sent his response before it popped up on his screen.
LT Savior: Are you ready now?
Chapter 7: Pictures in Time
Notes:
Howdy.
Did I absolutely stay up past my bedtime tonight to finish this and am going to pay for it tomorrow at work? Absolutely, but I don't regret it for a single second currently. In the words of Amelia, it's a later problem.
I apologize for any and all errors there are in here. It was 1:30 in the morning when I finished it.
To all who have read this and to those who left comments, thank you.
Hope you enjoyed the wild ride.
Until next time--Let's Flocking finish that Flocking series already. ;-) (Okay, I couldn't help myself. Sorry! haha I had to use the puns)
Chapter Text
As the sun was just starting to peek over the ridge, Jake woke to a vibration nearby. Knowing his dad’s head was going to be pounding once the old man woke, he quickly but quietly reached for whoever’s phone it was that was making the noise. It took a few seconds before he realized the noise came from Ethan’s phone. He shut it off, trying not to read the blurb of whatever message it was to give his kid brother some privacy. However, he still ended up noticing that it seemed to be a good morning text from Ethan’s best friend Devon.
Stretching his arms above his head a moment later in realization that he was not going to fall back asleep, Jake glanced around the living room at the other side of the sectional and over to the sofa. Ethan seemed to be waking as well judging by the kid’s frequent shifts in his blanket burrito he had cocooned himself in last night, but Dad was definitely still out for the count thankfully.
Jake carefully got up out of his blanket nest he had built, grabbed his clothes from yesterday, and headed to the bathroom. He made a quick stop in his shared room with Ethan and changed into some clean clothes before he headed to the kitchen to work on breakfast.
Eggs and bacon would be a must. He supposed he could throw them together for some egg bites with a little shredded cheese even. Throw a little spinach in there and cut up some peppers.
Ooh, maybe he’d have some avocado toast off to the side, too. It’d be good on the potassium side of things.
Little bit of fruit wouldn’t hurt anything.
Definitely first thing, though, had to be coffee . . . and water for later.
So, Jake worked on brewing a fresh pot of coffee.
At a light thump from somewhere in the living room a few moments later, he whipped his head towards the sofas to see what happened. He rolled his eyes at the sight of a barely awake Ethan with his hair sticking up like a glorified hedgehog clambering to his feet while he rubbed his side with a frown. That kid couldn’t be quiet in the morning if his life depended on it. But at least he hadn’t yelped and startled their dad awake.
Miracles did happen. What do you know?
He watched Ethan groggily head towards the bathroom and shook his head. As long as the kid stayed quiet, he wouldn’t complain too much.
The smell of coffee wafted around the room several minutes later as he cut up the mini-peppers and beat the eggs to pour later into the muffin tin he had found. He made sure each of the twelve wells were all evenly distributed with egg, pepper, and cheese. And for kicks, he threw some fresh mushrooms in there just for fun, making sure to leave the fungi out of the bottom four wells so the fun-teen didn’t bitch about it being in his. Lastly, he added the shredded up already-cooked bacon and ripped-apart spinach. It was definitely going to be hearty and taste amazing.
He put them in the oven after it preheated, turning away and heading off to finish preparing the avocado toast.
“Mornin’,” mumbled Ethan before he gave Jake a quick sideways hug, leaning on him more than anything. “Jeez, did you sleep at all last night?”
Jake snorted, returning the hug. “Yeah. A few hours. Until you got a text.” He rolled his eyes when the teenager scrambled for his discarded phone on the coffee table. He said nothing at the instant look of disappointment when his brother realized it had been from Devon, not Amelia. He had been there himself honestly with Rooster before.
But, oof, he had thought he knew all about those first puppy loves. He clearly didn’t have a damn clue based on his brother. His mind briefly wondered how on earth Justin had handled it so well back when Jake was Ethan’s age, all hopped up on adolescent hormones.
“Did Aunt Penny text yet?”
He shook his head. “I’m sure she and Amelia are there, though.”
“Could you text Rooster and ask?”
Jake’s hands came down heavy on his brother’s shoulders. “Dude, breathe, okay? They’re fine.”
“They were driving pretty late, and Aunt Penny didn’t really know where she was actually going. They could have gotten a flat. Or went off the road or—”
“—or Mama Penny made it up there last night safe and sound, and she’s having a bit of a late lie in with Pops while Rooster and Amelia are doing the same. She’s fine, kid. Trust me.”
“How do you know?”
“Because if the girls hadn’t made it last night, Bradley would have called long before now asking if we had heard from them. And he hasn’t.”
Instead, the text sat there unread in the app, taunting Jake like it had been all damn night.
He honestly should have known that his chicken Tom Selleck-wannabe would have texted and yeeted himself far out of the conversation afterwards. Jake groaned inwardly in realization that he had used the word ‘yeeted’. Freaking Ethan.
“What if he fell asleep, though?”
“Dude, trust me. They’re fine.”
“But, Jake—”
He groaned inwardly before he pulled out his phone. He considered calling Penny, but if she was asleep with Pops, he wasn’t going to ruin it. So, he hit the contact that he knew would be up and swallowed down his nerves as he put the call on speakerphone, keeping the volume low so only he and Ethan could hear.
It took several rings before there was finally an answer.
“Seresin?”
A buzz started to erupt beneath Jake’s skin the second he heard the familiar voice.
“Hey, Bradshaw. Could you help put a worried kid here at ease and say if the girls made it up there by chance?”
“The gir—OH! Yeah, uh, yes, they’re here. They got in late last night. Penny’s off with Mav in the Airstream. Pretty sure they’re sleeping still. She was pretty exhausted last night when they got in. But, uh, the kid’s awake. Kind of at least. She keeps napping and then waking up and checking that Mav’s bike’s still here every ten-fifteen minutes.”
Jake gave his brother the ‘See? What did I tell you’ look.
“Well, thanks for that, Bradshaw. I’ll let you get back to it then.”
“Wait!” shouted Rooster, causing Jake to blink in surprise.
“Yes?”
“Uh, could you take me off speaker for a second? Please?”
Ethan’s eyes widened before a huge grin overtook his face. He was motioning for Jake to hurry it up and nodding in encouragement.
Jake thought the kid looked like Christmas had come early for some reason, though. What did Ethan care if Jake and his chicken finally got it right? He clicked off the speakerphone feature, though, and brought his phone up to his ear.
“You’re a go for comms, Rooster,” he joked lamely.
“I, uh, well, I didn’t want you to think . . . it’s just, well, Mav walked in when you sent that, and I didn’t know how to reply afterwards because it had been so long. And then Penny and the kid showed up, and that caused a whole mess of things because they just kind of left the kid with me for some reason while they went off to talk.”
“Hey, loser. The kid has a name!” Amelia piped up in the background. “And don’t go blaming stuff on me. You could have called him long before now.”
“Oh, just can it over there, rugrat.”
“Just tell him you love him already. Christ, Bradley! It’s not that freakin’ difficult.”
Jake pressed his lips tightly together to keep from laughing. “See the sibling bonding’s going well there for you two already.”
“Yeah, well, she’s a mouthy brat.”
“Better a brat than a coward like you!” Amelia scoffed nearby.
“Will you just get out of here?”
“I don’t know. Will you get your head out of your ass, loser, or are you going to drag this out even longer and complain about how unfair everything is.”
Rooster inhaled deeply before he exhaled forcefully.
“Just remember she’s a kid, Bradshaw.”
“I’m trying,” Rooster muttered. “But what the hell do I know about kids?”
“Not that complicated, Roo.”
“She’s a never-ending sass machine. She doesn’t listen. She doesn’t respect me.”
“Have you given reason to?” he remarked, reminded of his first few days around Ethan. His brother was all around great honestly, but even Jake still had to put in the work regardless to get them where they were nowadays.
“How the hell do I do that?”
“Empathy, man. It works wonders. Trust me. You’re the stranger there. So, quit being so damn defensive and offended by everything just because you got stuck with babysitting duties. Get to know her. Show her you’re not the grumpy dick you’re coming off as. Let her see Bradley. She’ll come around after a bit. I did, didn’t I?”
“You were different.”
“Oh, yeah?” he snorted. “How so?”
“Because you wanted to get to know me, to be around me.”
“And you think she won’t once you drop the whole frosty dick routine? Because right now, you’re giving off major vibes to her. Telling her you don’t want her there. Kids don’t take kindly to that. Neither do most adults, but that’s for another day, young padawan. So, fix that. Show her you do.”
Ethan seemed torn between nodding like a bobble-head doll in encouragement and pissed on Amelia’s behalf over the half of the conversation he could hear. However, the kid thankfully was sticking to the overeager puppy persona so far.
“How do I do that?”
“How’d you get to know me, dummy?” Jeez. It was like he had to do everything these days.
“Okay. I’ll give it a shot.”
“Good boy,” he drawled, rolling his eyes before he glanced towards his dad at the sound of the low, pained groan from the sofa. “We’ll talk more when we get back, all right? There’s no rush.” Because Jacob Patrick Seresin could be one patient motherfucker when he had to be.
“Wait,” Rooster cried again.
“What?”
“Okay, before I . . . before I . . . I just . . . I just want to say . . . uh . . . um . . .”
Jake could hear the nerves and anxiety seeping into every single word his love was trying to spit out past the doubt and fear creeping in. Neither one of them had ever really been good at talking about the real stuff. The things that mattered.
“It’s cool, Bradshaw. We can talk—” Jake blinked when he heard the muffled noise from the other end of the line followed by a loud huff of annoyance. “You good over there?”
“Yeah. Fine. I just, well—”
“Oh my god, Bradley!” Amelia groaned loudly. She sounded as if she was right next to Rooster now. “Just spit it out already for the love of God!”
“Will you go sit down, brat?”
“Why? So you can back out again, you big fat chicken?”
Exasperated groans then filtered in through the call before Rooster huffed out another large puff of air. “All right. Look. I . . .”
“Bradley!” Amelia shouted followed by what sounded like her punching him in the arm again. “Just say it!”
“Quit punching me, you annoying—”
Jake winced when he heard the sudden low groan.
“Use your stupid words, you dumb loser!”
“Whatever you’re going to say, you better just say it, Rooster. Otherwise, I have a feeling she’s going to knee you in the balls next,” Jake quipped.
“He’s right.”
“God, you’re such a little—”
“Bradley!”
“Fine. All right. I’m going. I’m going. Jesus Christ, you’re a nag!” Bradshaw sighed heavily. “What I’m trying to spit out is this. I . . .”
Amelia groaned even louder. “He’s trying to tell you he had his Come to Jesus moment when he messed up on that mission you went on where he got shot out of the sky like an idiot.”
“Hey! Mav got shot down first, thank you!”
“He what?!”
Jake immediately stifled a sigh, pressing the tips of his fingers against his forehead as he closed his eyes in frustration. He considered for half a moment asking Ethan to calm his future girlfriend down, but he quickly decided against it, knowing that would only derail this conversation even more.
“Kids, please, if you could all just focus a little bit here, it’ll make all this easier, okay?”
Since when had Jake become a parent?
His eyes darted over to his dad on the sectional. Judging by the restless shifting, Dad was starting to come to the land of the living again, which was good because the egg bites were almost finished.
“Oh, we are most definitely going to talk about that later,” Amelia threatened, sounding very much like her mother in that moment. “All right, so, getting back to—”
“Don’t you dare!”
Jake couldn’t help it. He let his head smack the edge of the counter a second later. He sighed at Ethan’s compassionate pat to the back.
“He cares for you. Like, a lot. It’s sort of embarrassing and pathetic really how much.”
Pot, meet kettle, Jake thought glumly.
“I am so telling your mother on you!” Yeah, Rooster was definitely an only child if he thought that particular threat would work here.
Jesus Christ.
“You mean the woman who literally told you to fucking get your shit together last night?”
Damn! That stung even Jake. He grimaced, shaking his head. He could see now what his dad meant by saying Amelia would eat Ethan alive. She most definitely would. She was keeping up with Rooster already at fourteen. Of course, what did Jake expect? She was definitely her mother’s daughter. And he knew firsthand the absolute sass master Penny was.
“Language, young lady!”
“Oh, fuck off your high horse there, Lord Dickwad! You are not the—”
“Guys, enough!”
Jake’s eyes darted to the sectional the second he heard the pained, loud hiss near it a second later. He sighed heavily, glancing at Ethan who nodded in acknowledgement of the unspoken request and bounded off to check on their dad.
“You see what I’m dealing with here? She won’t listen for shit!”
“Oh, boo hoo! The kid’s outsmarting you.”
“Are you two finished yet? Or should I put you two idiots on mute and finish up making breakfast before checking back in a little later and seeing if you two can behave for two minutes?” Jake scoffed, moving to check on the egg bites. They had a minute left thankfully.
“Sorry,” Rooster sighed.
“Yeah, right. If you were sorry, you wouldn’t be having me do your dirty work.”
“I never asked you to, you little shit!”
“You don’t have to! That’s not how this works, idiot!”
“How what works?!”
Was this what his dad had to deal with sometimes being the airboss of TOPGUN? If so, no amount of money in the world was enough for this pain and suffering.
“Seriously? Do you have a concussion? Or are you just that dense that you don’t get it?”
“Get what!?!”
“Mom’s going to end up with Mav, which will make us half-siblings, loser. Which means it’s my job to have your back and make sure you don’t screw things up. And trust me. You need the help.”
“Aren’t you putting the cart before the horse there, missy? They literally just got back together last night.”
“UGH!” she half-screamed. “What do you see in him, Jake! He’s dumber than a box of rocks.”
“Oh, you’re one to talk! Staring at your phone all morning, waiting for—oh.”
“Yeah, now you got it. Congratulations. Your last brain cell does actually work. It’s a miracle.”
“Shut up.”
“You first!”
Jake glanced upwards, imagining how hard his older brother was laughing right now. It’d be just his luck that the second he was convinced they’d finally have that talk, it’d be the same time as Amelia and Bradshaw decided to have the epic battle of the sass right then.
“Now, where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?”
“Keep it up and I’ll get Mom.”
“Hey, if you want to walk in on them having sex, be my guest there. Have at it. But it’s not a pretty sight. Trust me,” Amelia commented dryly.
“Oh, hush over there. They’re not having sex.”
“Really? Tell me, oh, great wise one. Why haven’t they come out and checked on us yet? Yelled at us even for being so damn loud? Huh?”
“They’re not . . . wait . . . are . . . are they?”
“I give up. You’re a lost cause. Good luck, Seresin.”
Jake waited for a moment before he sighed silently. “You need a moment there, Rooster?”
“Yes. I mean, no. I . . . I don’t know.”
He smirked, shaking his head as he put the slices of bread in the toaster.
“As much as I hate it, she is right, though.”
“About Penny and Pops?”
“No! Not that. I mean, she might be right about that, but . . . I meant that I need to talk to you.”
“You don’t have to. We’ve gone this long without talking.”
“Yeah, but I wanted to that night after the mission. Only the doc wouldn’t let me leave to come see you. Or let you come see me. And then I wanted to while we were waiting for debriefs to finish, but . . . I couldn’t. I kept thinking on how badly I hurt you last time. And I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to be another person who walks out on you.”
Jake swallowed at the swift punch to his gut. “Okay.”
“That’s all you got? Okay?”
“What do you want me to say here?” he scoffed. “You want me to tell you that I forgive you? Because I did that ages ago. I knew you panicked that morning. That you regretted being with me.”
“I didn’t regret being with you, Jake.”
“Well, you sure as shit didn’t say otherwise.” Okay, he needed to breathe. To stay calm here. Getting pissed over all of it over again wasn’t going to make this conversation go any easier. Be rational.
“Yeah, well, up until that point, I thought I was straight as an arrow, okay? Cut the confused, slightly panicking bisexual some slack there, will you? I mean, I woke up in your arms that morning, heard your heartbeat, and all I could think about was how . . . how nice it felt, how much I liked it.”
“That’s a good thing, dumbass.”
“Yeah, sure, maybe, but I hadn’t done that with a guy before. Any of that. Plus, I mean, come on. Let’s not kid ourselves here, all right? You only wanted to fuck around with me to say you did.”
“Is that what you thought?”
“Was I wrong? Everyone you were with before me was just a casual fling for you. You only said yes because you didn’t have a better offer that night, and I asked.”
“Wow! Damn! And here I thought I was the self-deprecating asshole in this relationship. I didn’t say yes because I didn’t have a better offer, Rooster.” Christ. That was what he thought all these years? “I said yes because I wanted to be with you, wanted to wake up the next morning and make you breakfast and do everything I could to show you how I’d be a hell of a fucking catch. That’s why I said ‘Yes.’ Not because I wanted just any dick up my ass. I wanted to be with you, Bradley, because I found myself falling in love with you, warts and all, unable to breathe around you at times, think at others, and I . . . and I wanted to be your forever. Crazy thing is . . . I still do. Because . . . because flying as fast as I did, knowing you and Pops were shit up a creek and needed backup ASAP, even before that honestly with knowing that we didn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell to succeed with the mission and were likely all just going to be . . . be folded-up flags for our loved ones back home, I thought about . . . about how stupid the whole thing was between us. How I couldn’t bear even the thought of losing you, Bradley. That’s why I tried to get you washed out. Why I needled you as hard as I did the entire damn time. Because I was so fucking scared I’d lose another person I love. And I knew . . . knew if you were truly gone . . . that I’d say fuck it and find a way to die with you. Because that’s how much I love you, you pigheaded, stubborn dickhead. And it’s not because your dick is the best I’ve ever had either, so don’t kid yourself there. Because trust me. It’s good and magical and hits all the right places, but . . . I love you for so much more than I could even get out.”
“You love me?”
“Yes, dumbass. I love you. But—”
“—but?”
“Oh, for fuck’s sakes,” Jake heard his dad grumble followed by a pained hiss.
His eyes darted over to his brother, catching the thumbs up over the back of the couch. Okay then. He’d keep going.
“Jake?”
“I’m here. Sorry,” he sighed, wishing the keeper of his heart and soul wasn’t so damn far away. “But I won’t be anyone’s dirty little secret, Bradshaw. If you’re going to do this, if we’re really going to do it, we do it above board. Because I want to walk on your arm, holding your hand, screaming to anyone who looks our way how much I am in love with you. I want to be your forever, Bradley. But I don’t see a way we do that currently.”
“You don’t?”
“No. I don’t. Not without one of us giving up flying for good.” And he wouldn’t ask that of him.
Rooster huffed out a quiet laugh. “Oh. Is that all?”
“I’m serious.”
“Yeah, so am I, Jake. If that’s the only thing stopping you, then it’s a moot point.”
“What?”
“I’ve been having nightmares lately. Bad ones. And they’re getting worse. And sometimes . . . sometimes Mav will say something to me, and it’s like I’m not even there. He’s being good about it. He always is with me. But . . . but I can’t fly like this. And the, well, the stupid thing is I don’t want to anymore. All this time I’ve been flying to prove Mav wrong. And I did that. Sort of. I showed him I deserved a chance at the Academy, to be up there with him and our family. But I don’t need it, Jake. That’s the funny thing I figured out while out here. I don’t need to fly. Not like Mav does. Not like you do. It was just a way for me to connect with my dead father. But . . . but I don’t even remember him anymore. Mav’s the one I remember. And, yeah, he and I have a lot of shit to get through before I’ll ever . . . ever consider calling him . . . calling him Dad again, but that’s what he was to me. I can keep telling myself those lies that I’ve been for years to hate him over what he did. And I can still be pissed with it, too. But . . . he put me first. I mean, shit, the old man took a SAM meant for me without hesitation, knowing that he’d . . . he’d be giving up the chance at having all this with Penny again. Being with the kid.”
“Again, dickhead, the kid has a name!” Amelia shouted from off in the distance.
“He put me first, Jake. He didn’t need to do that, but he did. I can’t just toss that out because of something he did when I was seventeen. He panicked. I know how that goes, don’t I? How blind panic makes one . . . do terrible things sometimes.”
Jake was barely breathing at the admissions coming out of Bradley’s mouth.
“Finally letting go of that anger of yours, huh, Bradshaw?”
“Working on it at least. Being here with Mav helps with it. Which, by the way, I’m sorry for heading off with him before we could talk. I just . . . it’s been eighteen years of me hating him, of pushing him away, of trying to forget everything he did for me. It’s been such a long time, you know?”
“Yeah.” Whereas he and Rooster had only eight years of frenemies going for them.
“That’s not me discounting the pile of shit I have to make up for what I did to you, though. It really isn’t, Jake. I messed up, and I’m sorry. I should have talked to you. If not then, later when I was calmer again. I should have explained.”
“Well, lucky for you, I’m a pretty amazing guy who hasn’t been above granting second chances.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Jake pulled the toast out carefully and laid them on the plate to cool. “For the right guy of course. I don’t give this away to just anyone, you know.” At the sound of a loud crash near the sectional, he whirled around with a gasp.
Oh, now it was just someone upstairs fucking with him at his point.
“What was that? Are you okay? Jake?”
“Uh, yep, I’m, uh, I’m good.” His old man didn’t seem to be, though. “I just . . . I’m gonna have to call you back, darlin’. Sort of have to deal with the old man first.”
“You mean Cyclone?”
“That’d be the one.” The one currently tangled up in the blankets on the floor, wrestling frantically with them and banging into the coffee table repeatedly like a crazed man to get free.
“Good luck.”
He’d certainly need it. “Yeah, love you, too, Bradshaw.”
“Not what I said.”
“I know, but I wanted to say it regardless.” Because it felt so good to say it. To get it out there in the universe and admit it freely.
“Uh, Jake! Little help here, please?!” Ethan called out to him, causing their dad to curl in tighter with a pained noise.
“Later,” Jake said to Rooster before he then added hastily, “and remember, she’s just a kid. So play nice.”
“Only if she does the same first,” Bradley remarked. “Bye.”
The second the call ended, Jake tossed his phone onto the counter and rushed over to his brother. They carefully managed to peel away most of the sheets, but it certainly took a lot of effort to do so.
“I’d ask how you’re feeling, but pretty sure I know, Dad,” Jake murmured, keeping his voice low.
Their dad was rubbing his head to stave off the pounding headache he had to be feeling.
“You good to stand or you need us to help you up?”
“What?”
“Do you want us to help you stand, Dad?” Jake repeated slowly and softly.
“No, I’ve . . . actually, on second thought, yes, thank you.” It hadn’t taken very long for their dad to change his mind when he wobbled in his attempt. “How much did I drink?”
“Oh, likely your weight. Give or take,” he casually answered.
“You’re kidding?”
“Sort of wish I was, but . . . long story short, seems that bottle you’ve been hoarding since you and Ma were kids was one part Jameson and one part vodka.”
Cyclone stared at him for a moment before he sighed heavily, glancing towards the coffee table. “I see.” He stared at his wedding ring for half a second longer before he glanced back.
“I dumped it out last night, so that should be your last time getting absolutely plastered and being a super bad influence on us impressionable sweet kids,” Jake joked.
“Please don’t make me laugh,” groaned Dad, looking a little green as he took a deep breath.
Ethan and Jake gingerly helped their dad walk towards his room.
“Thank you, boys. I can take it from here.”
“All right, but if we hear you falling, old man, we’re coming in. We haven't had time to sign you up for Life Alert yet," he ribbed with a smirk.
“Not my first time rodeo, Jacob.”
“Yeah? You get drunk a lot back in the day there, did you?”
Dad stopped for half a second, glancing back. “I'm sorry. Have you met Penny Benjamin at all? There’s a reason that woman’s a bartender now instead of” he waved vaguely “whatever the fuck she went to school for.”
Jake chuckled, entirely amused by their dad being hungover. “We’ll let you get to it. But, remember. We hear you fall, we’re coming in.”
“Understood.” He silently shut the door behind him, leaving Jake and Ethan to glance and shrug at one another as they waited.
It took all of three minutes before Ethan broke the silence.
“J?”
“Yeah, bud?”
“Why didn’t you talk to him sooner? Tell him you understood what happened that broke you two up and that you forgave him for panicking?”
Jake sighed quietly before he leaned back against the wall beside the closed door. “He wasn’t ready to admit the truth to himself yet. It takes some people a bit to get over all that toxic BS about what a person regardless of gender is or isn’t.” He then shrugged. “It’s only been in the last eight years or so really that . . . you could be open about your sexuality like that. Be something other than straight and boring as fuck. Those like me . . . you had two choices, and that was it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, without getting into the whole technical legal shit, there was a policy on the books for all the branches. A super shitty one that was supposed to help but really only fucked people over in reality.” He scratched his jawline. “Back then, when I first started out, I didn’t really . . . I didn’t really flaunt that I was gay like I do now, didn’t embrace who I was in other words. Because if I did, I’d have been tossed out, no questions asked. Because there were a lot of stereotypes and, you know, general BS going around. I call it the straight panic because it was 100% what it was. They were terrified we’d try something with them, and they’d find themselves on the other side of the line they were trying so desperately to distance themselves from to stay in good standing with the bigoted assholes who had no business sticking their noses in shit.”
“Was that because of the whole AIDS/HIV crisis back in the 80s or whatever?”
“Probably, yeah. But sexuality was also starting to get talked about more, discussed and challenged. Wasn’t so taboo. Kind of like how it is nowadays with the whole trans rights. So, if you were gay like I was, you had the two choices. Either you squash down that other side of you and pick up a mask to be someone else, someone society had deemed normal, hide in the shadows in other words, or you fulfilled your commitment and then didn’t reenlist when it came time.”
“Oh.”
“It was a pretty shitty time there for quite a while. Because it sort of became like the Salem Witch Trials at times. If your CO didn’t like you and could twist things a certain way, you’d be yanked into a tribunal and have to justify yourself, your actions in front of others. Made a lot of people paranoid and scared they’d be next if they even talked to someone of the same sex.”
“But you survived it.”
“I did. Didn’t mean it was easy, though, sport. Guys like our dad, though, they were there for all of it. The start in ’94 and the end in 2011. They witnessed firsthand the devastation it left behind. The careers it ruined, the marriages, because of unsubstantiated rumors in a lot of cases.”
“That sucks.”
“It did. I came into the Navy with it having already been policy for years. Had so many people warn me privately about how to behave, how to act so I wouldn’t be pulled into one of those, how to disguise the so-called tells I had. If I even wanted to think about hooking up with someone back then, I had to sneak off to a town or two over. Pretend I was a civilian. And if I was out at a bar near base with my squad mates, I had to fake it if a lady showed any interest in me. So, I got really good at being polite and cordial and an overall gentleman to them. It’s why if you ever hear anyone make a remark about my body count being so damn high, you shouldn’t believe a damn word they say. Because half of the people I supposedly slept with, namely the women everyone thinks I was with, didn’t happen. I’d walk out with them, take them back to their house sometimes, but as soon as we reached either their vehicle or their door, I’d make up an excuse usually. And after I met Coyote, he and I developed this little system where he’d call me or text if he knew I was out on a date. It made the excuses easier.”
“I’m sorry people suck.”
“Me too, kid.” He then let his head fall back against the wall.
“Do you think that’s part of the reason Dad stayed married?” Ethan asked under his breath so only Jake would hear him.
Jake paused, unsure of what to say exactly to that. In the end, he shrugged slightly. “I don’t know. I know of instances where people married to pass themselves off as straight back then, but I can’t tell you if that’s why he did. And we really shouldn’t pry into that either, kid.”
“But if it was, then he can—”
Jake shook his head sharply. “No. I know what you’re thinking there, squirt, and I’m telling you not to even go there. You won’t be helping him. You’ll just be pouring salt in old wounds. And I think we both saw what happens when that occurs, right?”
“Yeah, but what’s he going to do when I head off to college in a few years, J?”
“E-man, listen to me very carefully here, okay?” He gently placed his hands on Ethan’s shoulders. “That’s not your concern. It’s sweet that you’re already worrying about that, but—and this is super important so listen up—Dad’s an adult. He’s got the full mental capacity to do things himself. He doesn’t need us butting in, got it?”
“Yeah. I just don’t want him to be alone.”
“He won’t.”
“How do you know that, J?”
“Because Mama Penny won’t let him. That’s why. She’ll drag his grumpy butt into her bar every chance she can, so he doesn’t wander around in his empty nest aimlessly. Trust me. Plus, as long as you are dating the young Ms. Benjamin, you’ll give him something to bitch about to her.”
“There is that.”
“Yeah, there is. Now, come on. Let’s go finish up with breakfast.”
“What about Dad?”
“He might be a little slower today, but he’s fine. We just can’t do what again?”
“No loud noises. No sudden movements. No making him laugh. No hard hugs. No making fun of him either. No doing anything that might make his hangover worse.”
“Good kid.”
They wandered off to finish up the last little bit of breakfast preparations. Jake scooped out the egg bites, piling them up on a plate that Ethan added to the table with the plate of toast. He then cut up the avocado for the toast so each of them would get a third of the half he cut for them. He was just pouring the coffee when their dad returned, now wearing a faded old t-shirt and loose sweatpants. The wedding ring remained left untouched.
“This looks amazing, boys.”
Jake grinned proudly before he set the steaming cup of coffee down in front of their old man. “Thank you. I’ll give you cream and sugar after your third cup, deal?”
“Deal.”
With everything now set out on the table, they made up their plates of food. Jake motioned to his brother which ones were the non-mushroom ones.
It didn’t take long for them to sit together at the table and happily eat their breakfast.
“Case you were wondering, Ma and the future Mrs. Ethan Simpson made it to the hanger last night by the way,” Jake said before he took a bite of his delicious egg bite. He snickered when Ethan kicked him in the shin in retaliation. Too damn easy.
“Good. Maybe Benji can talk some sense in him,” Dad replied, taking another sip of coffee. He was a little slower than them on actually eating his food but he was trying. So it was a start.
“Sounded more like she’s making up for lost time in other ways, Dad,” commented Ethan innocently. “At least that was what Amelia was saying to Rooster earlier.”
Jake caught the noticeable pause as their dad held the coffee to his lips and stared blankly at the wall for a moment. It seemed to take a second before the gears started working again in Dad’s mind.
“Ah.” Dad then redirected his neutral gaze on Jake. “You spoke with Lieutenant Bradshaw then?”
“Yeah.”
“And it was . . . productive, I hope?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Time would tell once they talked to one another again, though.
“They said they love you to one another,” Ethan revealed cheekily.
Jake couldn’t even be mad at the brat for that because, well, he was still working off the high he had inside currently.
“Good.”
“Yeah.” He then cleared his throat before he glanced back at their dad. “He also, uh, mentioned that he’s considering . . . a transfer possibly to serve out the rest of his commitment.”
“He finally realized flying with something to prove to his godfather only made him look like an ass, I take it? Because it’s about damn time he had.”
“Ouch, Dad.”
Damn, that was vicious!
“Sorry. You're right. That was uncalled for.” Dad sighed heavily, taking a longer sip that time and swallowed. “Please continue.”
“I’ll let him tell you the details about his return, but safe to say we had a good discussion for a bit there. When he and Amelia weren’t trying to bite each other’s heads off.”
Cyclone snorted with an instant grimace soon after. “They’ll figure out the whole sibling relationship eventually.”
“Like you and Ma did?” Jake remarked with a smirk.
“Exactly.” Dad nodded. “Benjamins are known for their bullheaded stubbornness and severe cases of spoiled brat syndromes. Mix in Mitchell, and it’s a recipe for chaotic disaster.”
“Yeah, but Pops sure can fly, though.”
“Agreed,” sighed their dad sounding surprisingly dejected for some reason.
“What’s that all about?”
“I have to apologize to him eventually.”
Jake leaned forward, patting his shoulder. “Your country thanks you for your sacrifice, Admiral.”
“You’re enjoying this entirely too much, Jacob,” groused his dad. The poor guy looked positively miserable, but at least he was trying to get some food in his stomach.
“I mean, yeah, I am. How many times do I get to say that I got to see the great Admiral Simpson drunker than a damn skunk?”
“Do not breathe a word of this to any of the other little Dagger horrors, young man, lest you’ll find yourself stripped of rank before you can even blink.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Thank you, Jacob.”
Jake’s eyes trailed over to the mantel above the fireplace then, staring at the photos lining it. Each photo was another glimpse into their family history. Of how they all came to be. It was a much warmer display than the one ever had been at the Seresin ranch honestly. Because this one was full of love and chosen family.
He started with the photo of baby Penny in her dad’s arms. The proud father happily showing off his new daughter to the world, to his friends he had made in the service who stood with him.
He then glanced at the photo of the thirteen-year-old Beau Simpson standing next to the eleven-year-old Penny smiling at the stoic boy beside her while her father rested gentle hands on their shoulders. He moved onto the photo taken a week later of the same family, no longer recognizable to the one before it. Beau was in the front that time with Admiral Benjamin standing behind his right side and Penny tucked against him on the other side. The hardness had melted into a gentleness.
There then were the kids’ graduation photos—Cyclone’s from the Academy and Penny from her college commencement. On further inspection of Penny’s, Jake saw the young Maverick hugging her.
There were the proud photos with Cassie, Ethan, and Amelia. Each had their own little space carved out on the shelf.
Each photo gave a little bit more backstory, a little more depth.
Jake then noticed the photos he hadn’t before. The latest additions.
The first was of Jake himself, his Academy photo in fact. It was on the other side of Amelia’s.
The second was a larger version of the photo he had of him, Ethan, Penny, and Dad. It was in a gorgeous silver frame that sparkled radiantly in the early morning light bouncing in from the window.
The last one was of Jake and Ethan goofing around with one another in the background while in the foreground their dad was watching his boys with a proud paternal smile. It had been from a year or so ago. Before Jake had gone back out to the carrier. He hadn’t seen this picture before.
“Penny left those for me before she left on her sailing trip,” explained Dad. “Said they should be added to the shelf.”
“They’re beautiful,” Jake breathed, staring at each one and trying like hell not to cry over them.
“They’re our family. The one we each chose at some point.”
The family who would help each and every one of them break the cycle inside one day for good.