Chapter 1: Show Me What You Got
Chapter Text
Rick and Haruko
Chapter 1: Show Me What You Got
It started like any other day on the planet Wasprus for the past seven years. Workers would wake up, get ready, go to work, go home, and repeat the process for the next day. It wasn't always this way, though. Wasprus was once known as a relatively stable and prosperous planet. Then, everything changed when a mysterious megacorporation called Medical Mechanica conquered this world and forced its inhabitants to work themselves to death to produce Medical Machines.
One such inhabitant was a 19-year-old young woman named Haruha Raharu. She was a tall, slender girl with dull brown hair and sickly yellow eyes who was but one of many busy bees forced to do backbreaking labor for her planet's new mysterious overlords. Haruha remembered how they arrived when she was only twelve years old and tried to reach a peaceful agreement with Wasprus's government, but when a band of rebels led by Raharu's mother Rihanna broke into their headquarters and learned of the company's true plans, MM decided to cut to the chase and staged a hostile takeover. Most of the rebels were imprisoned and executed, but Rihanna managed to get away and went into hiding, only to be killed years later by her drunken husband. Although Haruha drifted away from her mother due to how often she was away as a member of the resistance, she does remember Rihanna as a kind and imaginative woman who encouraged Haruha's creativity and would do anything for her family.
"ALL WORKING-CLASS CITIZENS WILL BE FINED IF THEY ARE LATE!" a loud announcer commanded while sirens began blaring, cuing Haruha to get a move on and go to work. Along the way, however, she accidentally bumped into a man on the street, and the two fell over.
"Hey, watch where you're going, asshole!" Haruha cursed at the man while getting up and walking off. "And get to work already, sheesh."
"Ooh-la-la, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." the man belched in annoyance before taking a sip from his flask and hiding from the authorities in an alleyway. "Okay, guys, looks like we have a bit of a problem here."
What Haruha didn't realize was that the man she bumped into would soon change her life forever. High above the planet's city of EroEro, hidden behind the smog that had covered the sky, the faint silhouette of a red phoenix hovered in the air.
Upon reaching her designated locker at the Medical Mechanica factory where she worked, Haruha put away her belongings before she heard a peppy, New Zealand-accented voice call out for her. "Hey Raharu, good morning!" It was her good friend Grok, a tall and muscular member of her species with blue hair and green eyes who she always saw with a cheerful smile on his face despite the horrible environment they grew up in. "Whew, good to see you're still alive. I was worried you would be sentenced to the camps for being late."
"Thanks, Grok." Haruha smiled weakly at Grok before she closed her locker. "So, how's your little revolution going?"
"Starting small, but I think I got something good here." Grok said eagerly. "Unfortunately, one of my applicants was caught with one of the pamphlets I sent out, and well, let's just say we won't be seeing him at work anymore. You remember Taro, right?" Raharu frowned in disappointment. Taro was another good friend from back when Wasprus wasn't under Medical Mechanica's control. Some might even say Haruha had feelings for him. She remembered Taro as socially awkward but extremely intelligent for his age, traits that Haruha found quite attractive. To hear that Taro was planning on rebelling against Medical Mechanica, only to lose his life for it, broke her heart.
"Ooh, you had a crush on him, didn't you?" Grok muttered while giving his coworker a pat on the back. "My deepest condolences, kiddo. I'll make sure to tell his family what happened, too." Suddenly, a massive silhouette towered over the pair, striking fear into their hearts as they turned around to discover their boss standing behind them. "Hey, boss, just having a little water cooler talk before work."
"You can talk with your friend later, Grok." Heinzenberg, a tall and robust man with a thick toothbrush mustache, a flattop haircut that was starting to grey at his temples, a very long nose, and a bizarrely large cigar in his mouth with "ALWAYS KNOWS BEST" written on it, declared as he folded his arms with an intimidating glare. "NOW GET TO WORK!"
"Yes sir, sorry sir!" Grok yelled in fright as he skittered away from Heinzenberg, leaving Haruha behind to face his wrath.
"And as for you, Haruha, I have a special job for you." Heinzenberg said while holding out a wrench. "Reports have come in about several defective Medical Machines in Sector C-618. Go fix them, and don't slack off."
"Yes sir, sorry sir." Haruha meekly replied as she took the wrench and walked away diligently, her nervous smile turning into an angry glare behind her boss's back. "Jackass."
Haruha's job was simple: Just get in with that wrench and fix the Medical Machines. The Medical Machines standing before her were all in various colors, but they were just as muted and uncreative as she expected everything on Wasprus to be. That was Medical Mechanica's goal, to snuff out all creativity and free will for whatever reason that she never bothered finding out.
"Strangers in the night, Scooby-Dooby-Doo." Haruha sang to herself as she popped open a teal Medical Machine's face and began investigating the source of the problem she was ordered to fix. "Hm, it doesn't seem like anything's wrong," she observed. "Maybe I should go a little deeper."
Just then, she heard a drop of water rhythmically dripping from a nearby pipe. It was a nice beat that Haruha simply couldn't resist tapping along to. The tune was almost intoxicating. She couldn't help but start drumming along. Using her wrench and a nearby rod, Haruha turned some nearby equipment into a makeshift drum kit to play with. She started making music, and it was some of the most fun music she had ever heard or played.
"Hey, keep it down in there, Haruha!" Heinzenberg roared as he kicked down the door to Sector C-618 to confront his rebellious employee. "Either stop those abominable sounds, or I'll do it for you!"
"Make me, you old fart!" Haruha cackled as she continued playing her tune. Without saying another word, Heinzenberg pulled out a laser cannon and began firing at Raharu, who dodged every attack before scampering off. "Try and catch me, brush face!"
"You'll pay for this, you freethinking brat!" Heinzenberg yelled as he pounded on one of the Medical Machines and made them all come to life, despite previously saying that they were all malfunctioning. "GET HER!"
The Medical Machines obeyed the supervisor's commands. They began opening fire at Haruha, who continued dodging every attack while causing massive damage to the factory, much to the annoyance of her coworkers.
"Hey, Haru. Do you think you could take your sticking it to the man down a notch?" Grok kindly asked his friend as the factory began collapsing in on itself. "We're all trying to work here."
"Oh, come on, Grok, I thought you were all about revolution!" Haruha exclaimed to her coworker. "Just live a little!"
"You're right, but I prefer me revolution to not cause any property damage!" Grok yelled back at Haruha as he began to run away from the collapsing factory with all the other workers.
As more Medical Machines were sent flying into the wall by Haruha, Heinzenberg turned his laser cannon up to eleven and prepared to disintegrate Haruha with a single blast. But Raharu would not go down easy. She picked up a broken pipe and leaped at her boss to use it as a baseball bat. "ALRIGHT, LUUUUUNCHTIIIIIME!" The pipe clashed with the laser cannon as it fired, creating a massive explosion that caused the iron to completely fall to pieces as the employees fled for their lives and caused shockwaves across the city.
When the dust settled, the area was in shambles, and Heinzenberg was completely furious. "HAAAAAAA-RUUUUUUU-HAAAAAA! YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU'REEEEEEE FIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEDDDDD!" he screamed at the top of his lungs as Haruha was dragged out of the factory by a pair of Medical Machines. "And the rest of you, get out of here! You all get the day off until we can repair this dump!"
"Does that mean we get paid in advance?" Grok asked. Heinzenberg only replied with a long, braying laugh at his employee's expense for daring to ask such a question.
"You serious?" Heinzenberg replied once he stopped laughing. "The only one who will pay here is Raharu once her old man finds out what happened here."
Elsewhere in EroEro, the man Haruha bumped into earlier took a drink from his flask and let out a loud belch before turning to his two companions. "Well, boys, it looks like we won't be performing here for a long time."
"Indeed, Rick." A birdman replied while examining a holographic tablet. "It says here that for seven years, Wasprus has outlawed any form of creativity or freedom of expression after being taken over by Medical Mechanica. This is part of the company's goal of killing any free will across all dimensions, and you will find they will never stop."
"Aw, squanch!" A little cat person complained while kicking a rock into a trash can. "At least we can lay low here in the low-income parts of this planet until the coast is clear."
"Wait, both of you, shut up!" Rick ordered his companions as they watched a pair of Medical Machines drop Haruha Raharu off at her apartment home after she was fired. "I know that little shit! I bumped into her earlier today!"
"What's with the Medical Machines?" the cat asked.
"I believe those Medical Machines are bringing her home." The birdperson observed. "I fear for whatever she has to face in there."
As the Medical Machines departed, Haruha took a deep, solemn breath as she grabbed the doorknob and opened the door to the place she dreaded returning to the most. Back to her father.
Reagan Raharu sat in his chair watching TV, sweat matting his brown hair as he took a long, slow sip of his flask. He had been an obedient servant of his planet's new overlords for seven years, quietly nodding his head at every command while sitting back with a drink in hand. However, his daughter Haruha didn't quite so agree with his compliance, which led to frequent arguments between them as she got older, combined with the death of her mother in an accident. Just then, Reagan heard the door open behind him. "How was work today, Haruha?"
"I got fired." Haruha declared. "Finally."
"Could you please say that again?" Reagan declared gloweringly as he got up from his chair to confront his rebellious daughter. "You got fired?"
"Yeah, I got bored and started going all chitty-chitty bang bang on some pipes, but then Heinzenberg noticed and tried to kill me," Haruha said casually. "He then blamed me for destroying the factory, but what does he know? He prefers to blame everyone except himself!"
"Do you realize what you've done, Haruha?!" Reagan Raharu said as he gulped from his flask before smacking his daughter across the face. "Your slacking off and playing that infernal music nearly got us all in trouble!"
"You would not believe how boring my job gets!" Haruha tried speaking up for herself in defense. "Not everything has to be about conforming to our society's unrealistic standards, y'know!" She then pointed out the window towards some depressed residents of EroEro. "I mean, look at her, look at him, look at all of them. They don't know what they have inside of them. They're just sleepwalking through life, wondering when something amazing is going to happen on this planet when they aren't going to get any because they're forced to conform."
"I don't give a rat's ass about standards or conformity, young lady!" Reagan continued ranting. "Either behave like every other girl on this godforsaken planet or never show your face around me again!"
Just then, the cruddy apartment home of the Raharus started rumbling, and a loud voice bellowed, "SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT! I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU GOT!" The ceiling began falling to pieces little by little; all capped off with a steel girder losing its support and falling right over Haruha's father.
"WHAT THE FU-" was all Reagan could scream before the girder reduced him to a puddle of red. As relieved as Haruha was to see her abusive father finally die, she had no time to relish in this. Whatever this voice needed, Haruha wanted to find out.
"This is it, Haru. This could be your big chance!" Haruha said as she peeked out her window to discover a giant head looming over Wasprus, its mere presence causing massive damage to the planet's ecosystem as emergency sirens began blaring.
"SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!" the head boomed, the shockwaves from its voice sending dozens of Medical Machines ordered to attack it flying away.
"Looks like it's time for me to save the world." Haruha stated as she combed through her crumbling home in search of something to battle with. Looking through her parents' destroyed bedroom, Haruha sifted her hands through the rubble until she found a Gibson Flying V hidden under the bed her mother used to play for her. "Long time no see, old girl. Did you miss me?"
"SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!" the head roared, prompting Haruha to burst out of the bedroom and prepare to leave home in pursuit of her destiny.
"Well, guess this is it." Haruha declared as she turned to face her crummy apartment one last time. "Goodbye, water-stained ceiling. Goodbye, silverware drawer that doesn't close all the way. Goodbye, carpet that's never been dry. Goodbye, lamp that shocks you every time you touch it. Goodbye, plastic bag of plastic bags. Goodbye, medicine cabinet with sentient black mold in the corner with a taste for human flesh."
"SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!" the head interrupted Haruha's bitter farewell to her old home.
"Okay, okay! Sheesh, keep your pants on!" Haruha groaned before closing the front door and hopping on a hover-scooter, leaving behind her old life once and for all as the vibrations of the head's roaring caused the apartment to fall apart entirely.
"All citizens remain calm and proceed in an orderly fashion to the shelters." a member of Wasprus's police force commanded the citizens of EroEro as they marched to safety from the giant head, aided by members of the Galactic Federation. "Damn these Cromulons. I never would've guessed they'd show up one day."
"Hey, aren't we missing a few?" another officer asked before presenting a hologram of the Raharu family members. Both Reagan and Rihanna Raharu were labeled as deceased, but their daughter was dubbed at large. "All units, comb the city and bring us Haruha Raharu!"
"Look!" Heinzenberg yelled as he pointed at Haruha in the distance on her scooter. "I can see her right over there! Get her!"
"Yeah, that's the spirit, Raharu!" Grok exclaimed joyfully as he punched a police officer in the face and stole his laser gun. "The revolution has finally begun!" The other members of Grok's rebellion against Medical Mechanica cheered for their freedom and immediately began taking up arms against their oppressors. "Thank you, old friend, for everything."
"Grok, my broski, you finally got that freedom fighter team started!" Haruha said as she stopped her scooter in front of the masses to greet her coworker. "Good for you!"
"Halt, young lady! You are in violation of Medical Mechanica's orders!" the police officer stated while his partner summoned a fleet of Medical Machines to bring her in. "Step away from the scooter with your hands in the air and hand over your musical instrument so no one has to get hurt."
"Just let me pass, you guys. I'm trying to save your ungrateful asses here." Haruha urged the cops while looking towards the Cromulon invading Wasprus. "You'll all thank me later when I deliver you from evil!"
"I'm going to assume you killed your father before coming here." Heinzenberg said, confronting his former employee while revealing the hologram tablet of her family. "It doesn't have to be like this, young lady. Just put everything down and come with us to safety. Perhaps I can hire you back and offer you a promotion if you come with me. I'm practically the only family you have left."
Enraged at her abusive boss implying that the two of them were like father and daughter, Haruha launched into a furious tirade against her home planet's current state. "YOU ALL ARE SO ANNOYINGLY STERILE; I'M LITERALLY SCREAMING RIGHT NOW! If there were a Guinness Record for fascism, you would hold it!" she screamed while highly stylized kanji began flying around, confusing everyone present. "So go on with your Big Brother is Watching bullcrap and your egotistical indoctrination; it just proves you're one of the lunatic cringe! This part doesn't make sense when we translate it, so just forget it! Do you know what this is like? When you're watching something subtitled because dubs suck? And the only people who laugh are the native speakers!"
"What are you even on about?" Heinzenberg asked, raising an eyebrow at Haruha's enraged rant before he was suddenly decapitated by a swing of her Gibson Flying V, causing his head to go airborne before landing on the ground in front of Haruha, which she stepped on and created a bloody mess beneath her feet.
"Damn, I always wanted to do that." Haruha smirked to herself in sadistic pride before looking to the police. "Anyone else wanna come with him?"
"Okay, we're dropping all pretenses. KILL HER!" the leading policeman commanded his armored troops to shoot Haruha down, but she dodged every single projectile fired at her while cutting down more cops with her guitar. "How can she even do that with a guitar!?"
"Because she believes in freedom, just like the rest of us!" Grok proclaimed happily, unaware that his group of rebels had all been massacred for their crimes until he came face to face with a gun to his chest. "Oh crap."
The gun fired, and Grok was left with a giant hole in his chest as he slowly collapsed from the grievous wounds. "Ah well, it was fun while it lasted." Grok shrugged as he took his death in stride and fell to the ground. With Grok dead, Haruha virtually had no one left to call friends or family on Wasprus. But when she would save the planet, that would all soon change as she escaped the police and made her way towards the Cromulon.
"HMMM." the Cromulon muttered while pursing its lips. "NONE OF YOU WANT TO SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT! NOW PREPARE TO BE DISQUALIFIED!" The Cromulon then revealed a giant laser cannon pointed straight at Wasprus and poised to destroy the planet once and for all had it not been for one resident having the gall to oppose them.
"WAIT!" Haruha yelled as she got up on an abandoned stage and presented her Flying V to the Cromulon. "Let me show you what I got!" The residents of Wasprus began to crowd around the stage while the police watched with intrigue.
"Everyone, hold your fire." the officer stated. "I think this girl may be our last hope."
"Oh, so now you finally realize it!" his partner exclaimed angrily before slapping his superior in the face.
"FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO TAKES THE CHALLENGE!" the Cromulon boomed while the laser cannon retreated. "WHAT IS YOUR NAME, YOUNG LADY?"
"My name is Haruha Raharu." Haruha introduced herself to the Cromulon. "Can you please tell me what you want?"
"WE ARE THE CROMULONS, HOSTS OF THE INTERGALACTIC REALITY SERIES PLANET MUSIC, WHERE WE ORDER PLANETS TO SHOW US WHAT THEY GOT WITH MUSIC." the Cromulon explained. "IF YOUR MUSIC DOESN'T SATISFY US, THEN YOU SHALL BE DISQUALIFIED!"
"Well, I guess I might be willing to take that challenge!" Haruha declared bravely as she finished tuning her guitar. "Now then, may I?"
"PLANET WASPRUS, SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!" the Cromulon answered, compelling Haruha to play her guitar for the amazed crowd that had gathered before her. Haruha didn't have a particular song in mind; she was just content with rocking out on her guitar and playing an ode to dreamers like her across the universe who started from nothing.
"Mom, this one is for you!" Haruha muttered to herself while her music got louder and the outline of a giant red phoenix glowed brighter and brighter in the sky. "I'm doing it; I'm really doing it!"
"Stop right there, brat!" one outraged Wasprian police officer yelled as he stopped Haruha's performance and pointed his gun at her. "I'm going to make you pay for killing my brother, Raharu! Heinzenberg was a good man who wanted to make a living and support his people, and you took that away from us!"
"Kind of in the middle of something here, douchebag," Haruha complained while lowering the gun to her face.
"BOO, NOT COOL!" the Cromulon agreed with Raharu while the audience began complaining as well. "DISQUALIFIED!"
"Aw shitballs, you guys, we gotta run!" the belches of a middle-aged man sounded as he and his two companions, a stonefaced bird person, and a catlike creature, ran for the hills to a hijacked cargo ship. Haruha immediately recognized the man as the one she bumped into on her way to work earlier, but who were the other two with him?
"Running from what? The Galactic Space Patrol Brotherhood, the Cromulons, or Medical Mechanica?!" the cat-man asked.
"All of them!" the old man yelled.
"And it's not just them. Look." Birdperson announced, pointing upward to a giant red phoenix that warped itself over Wasprus.
"IT SEEMS WE HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST JUDGE!" the Cromulon boomed. "LEGENDARY PIRATE KING ATOMSK, SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT!"
While the old man and his posse urged Haruha not to give in, she was utterly mesmerized by Atomsk's might as she slowly stepped towards him. There was something so radiant about this strange creature that had appeared to destroy her planet; it was almost magnetic.
"Don't do it, babe, that's Atomsk! His power will seriously screw with your head!" the man warned, but Haruha didn't listen and reached out to the giant bird while her hair turned into a bright shade of pink. A large chain wrapped around the Pirate King's neck attached to the girl's wrist, and she pulled it with all her might, eventually breaking it in two.
Just as Atomsk screeched, Raharu was dragged away by the bird person and raced to the cargo ship, escaping the doomed Wasprus in the nick of time before it completely exploded from Atomsk's presence while the Cromulon made its escape. "Welp, there goes that gig." the man groaned in defeat, taking a chug out of a flask. "How's our extra cargo doing?"
"Still out squanch from Atomsk." the cat-person stated, checking for a pulse just as their passenger came to.
"Oh geez, what happened?" Haruha moaned, rubbing her head when she took notice of the old man, the bird, and the cat surrounding her. "Where am I, and who are all of you?!"
"Well, I can assure you, miss, I am not a man in a suit that will teach you the alphabet." the birdman answered. "You may call me Birdperson. These two are my bandmates, Squanchy and Rick."
"Okay, we played the name game. But where's my planet?!" Raharu shouted, grabbing the two animal-like creatures by their collarbones.
"Well, funny story, babe, might wanna squanch around and see what happened." Squanchy suggested trying to break free, and the girl took his suggestion, gazing out the back window to find what was left of her home planet.
"My home's all gone." Haruha muttered, shedding a few tears, but those tears were soon replaced with a celebratory manic grin. "I'M FREE!"
"Whoa now, aren't you the least bit torn up about everyone you ever loved there now pretty much dead?" Squanchy stated.
"I don't care, 'cause no one felt that about me either!" the Flesh Curtains' passenger whooped. "No more shitty dad, no more boring job, and no more stifling of creativity!"
"Hell yeah, now you're speaking my language!" Rick replied merrily. "Hey, didn't get your name, lass. What do they call you?" he asked, putting a microphone to the girl's mouth.
"I'm Haruha Raharu." she introduced herself. "I'm pretty sure you might've heard earlier, but it bears a little repeating."
"Hm, doesn't roll off the tongue as much." the drunken traveler commented. "You ever tried picking up a name like the ones in the comics like Peter Parker, Reed Richards, Billy Batson, or Fred Flintstone?"
"I don't believe that last one came from a comic." Birdperson tried to correct his bandmate until he was shushed.
"I got a great one! How about Haruko Haruhara?" Sanchez announced, pretending to knight the girl with a Rickenbacker bass.
"I like it, really does sound like those old comics!" the newly renamed Haruko exclaimed. "So where to?"
"Wherever the hell we want to!" Squanchy answered, pointing onward to the stars beyond. As the four began laughing the day away, Haruko started to think back to her encounter with Atomsk. She had only heard stories about how he was the freest being in all of space, and now she got to see him up close. The sheer power the Pirate King possessed felt utterly hypnotizing to Haruko. She must have it for herself. But as she would soon realize, this girl wasn't the only one who coveted Atomsk's power.
In a spaceship hovering above the remains of Wasprus, a man looked down upon the ruined planet with disdain while nursing a glass of rosé wine in his hand. He looked like your average businessman with his sharp suit and unkempt pale blonde hair, but his most defining feature was the mechanical prosthetics on his body. His hand was replaced with a mechanical arm with claw-like fingers and an omega symbol on the back, and a metallic mask covering the bridge of his nose and his strong chin. This man was Repre S. Entative, the appropriately named Representative Director of Medical Mechanica.
"So you can confirm that every last inhabitant of Wasprus is dead?" Repre asked a Medical Machine standing by his side.
"Affirmative, death toll of Wasprus's destruction: complete." The Medical Machine responded calmly.
"Shame. They were such busy little bees." Repre shook his head in disgust while taking a sip of his wine. "Go out and search that asteroid field for anything that can still be useful to us."
"However, you must be informed of a few things of note." The Medical Machine declared as its screen presented specific information about the planet's destruction. "Although we can confirm that every inhabitant of Wasprus is dead, one managed to escape before the planet's destruction with assistance from Rick Sanchez of Dimension C-137 and his accomplices."
Repre loudly spat out his wine in response to the news. "WHAT?!"
"In addition, the Cromulons' invasion of Wasprus also had an uninvited guest in the form of the Pirate King, Atomsk." The Medical Machine continued while revealing a picture of the Pirate King destroying Wasprus.
Repre did not take this news well at all. With his teeth gritted, he angrily smashed his wine glass against the Medical Machine's screen and spilled wine all over the robot, all while letting out a furious shriek. "ATOMSK AND SANCHEZ WERE HERE?!" he yelled. "AT THE SAME TIME?!"
"Confirmed." the Medical Machine replied. "Would you like to message the Lord Superior Officer about this?"
"Yes, tell him everything!" Repre answered hotly. "And make sure to forward this to the Galactic Federation and the Council of Ricks as well." He then turned back to the remains of Wasprus and gazed out the window of his cruiser with his mechanical hand against the window. "I will find you, Atomsk, and I will make you my property."
Chapter 2: Be Excellent to Each Other
Notes:
AN: Welcome back to Rick and Haruko, everyone! Sorry to keep you waiting, I had school stuff to do, plus I spent the weekend at Anime Milwaukee and had an utter blast taking pictures of cosplayers while also spending more than $600 on merchandise, like new games for my Nintendo Switch. I finally got my hands on games such as Xenoblade Chronicles 2, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge, Astral Chain, and Triangle Strategy, which I've been told is supposed to be really fun. But enough about my personal life, let's get on with what you've all been waiting for already. Starting with this chapter, we start adventuring into more crossovers with fandoms I've yet to write for, so consider this a potential backdoor pilot for possible future stories. Okay? Okay. Now, on with the show!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Rick and Haruko
Chapter 2: Be Excellent To Each Other
For Haruko's first big concert as a member of Rick's band, the Flesh Curtains, she was taken to the Net. Through systems, peoples, and cities, to this place: Mainframe. What she found so amazing was that not only were there more dimensions beyond the one she lived in, but so many of them were so radically different from her own. In particular, Dimension R-994 was a world that took place entirely within a computer filled with humanoid beings known as Sprites, coexisting alongside little machines called Binomes. After taking the opportunity to play a show for the celebration of scientist Welman Matrix's discovery of systems beyond the city of Mainframe, Rick took the Flesh Curtains to this new dimension on the same cargo ship they rescued Haruko in, which Rick turned into the dimension-traveling Rick-stery Machine.
"So let me get this straight, Mr. Sanchez. Not only are you from somewhere outside of any system entirely," Dot Matrix, a green-skinned female Sprite in garish 80s-style clothing, asked Rick while the guitar-playing scientist tuned his bass in front of a diner under construction, "but you have the power to traverse dimensions?"
"Yeah, I was cracking dimensional travel before your old man made it cool." Rick boasted with a burp. "Wanna hear more about my travels? You would not believe what I've seen!"
"Please tell me more, Mr. Sanchez!" Dot's little brother Enzo demanded while excitedly hopping up and down, with his red and yellow furred dog Frisket barking behind him. "Your adventures sound alphanumeric!"
"Slow down there, young Enzo," Birdperson answered the young Sprite. "As much as we'd love to tell more about our adventures, we still have a concert to perform in the Twin City for your father."
"Hey, speaking of which, where did Haruko and Squanchy go?" Rick wondered while looking around for the band's drummer and their newest member before turning back to the Matrix siblings. "Well, I hate to cut and run you two, but we have some friends of our own to find. See you at the concert!"
As Dot began looking at a clipboard while Enzo continued impatiently running around, Rick and Birdperson walked away in search of their bandmates. "Any idea where those two could've gone?" Rick asked Birdperson. "We're supposed to go live in five minutes!"
"Hopefully, not too far away," Birdperson replied. "Squanchy only said they were going fishing together."
"Fishing, in this universe?" Rick commented while tuning his guitar. "How do the denizens of this place even eat? I mean, what's that diner even for anyways?"
"Excuse me, Mr. Sanchez." a Binome dressed as a construction worker said to Rick, catching the well-traveled scientist's attention. "My friends and I would like to hear some of your music before your big show today."
"Okay, fine, how about a little warm-up?" Rick said before preparing to rock out on his bass. "A-ONE, A-TWO, A-ONE, TWO, THREE-" Before he could finish counting down, he heard a loud sound coming from the Twin City. "What the shit?!" A massive explosion soon followed, knocking the two musicians and their audience off their feet. "Birdperson, what the hell just happened?!"
"Something must've happened in the Twin City." Birdperson analyzed, his composure never shaking despite the sudden noise. He then turned to watch Dot and Enzo hop aboard a car and race to the Twin City. "We can find Haruko later. I suggest we investigate the damages."
"Fine, whatever." Rick grumbled as he and Birdperson raced towards the Rick-stery Machine and flew off after the Matrix siblings.
To Rick's surprise, the Twin City he and Birdperson arrived in was now a desolate wasteland filled with Binomes trying to find any survivors of the explosions. "Damn, so many lives lost. And it wasn't my fault this time!"
"You're still thinking about how you fed Galactus that one planet while unaware it was still populated?" Birdperson asked as he brought the ship in for a landing. "We should find Miss Matrix and comfort her in her and Enzo's time of need. Surely, you'd know how they feel."
"You bet," Rick replied glumly, thinking back to his late wife and daughter as he disembarked from the Rick-stery Machine to comfort Dot and Enzo. "Hey, Dot, was it? I know I'm usually not the kind of guy to give emotional support, but I'm sorry about what happened to your old man, and I've actually been in your shoes before."
"How so, Rick?" a despairing Dot asked Rick while holding her little brother close to her.
"You may not know this, but I once had a little daughter around Enzo's age," Rick explained while pulling out a sentimental photo of him giving a piggyback ride to a young blonde girl. "She was heartlessly taken away from me, too, and now I'm hunting down the rat bastard who did it. I gotta warn you guys: do not try going for revenge against whoever did this. It'll only make your life suck worse than it already does right now."
"Rick! RICK!" Rick heard Squanchy call for him while pulling up to the destroyed Twin City on a yellow Vespa scooter. Sitting behind Squanchy on the seat was Haruko, only now she had her hair styled and was wearing a red dress and black high-heels. "We were squanching for you guys all over Mainframe when that big explosion happened!"
"Where the hell have you two been?!" Rick yelled at Squanchy and Haruko. "And what's with the dress, Haruko? You going on a date?"
"Several, actually, just being a little heartbreaker," Haruko said while batting her eyelashes. "You should've seen the last one I was gonna go on before we went to you guys."
"Al? Al! I think I've been stood up!" the waiter Binome at Al's Diner yelled to his boss upon realizing Haruko wouldn't show up to their date.
"WHAT?!" Al yelled from afar, causing the waiter to sigh in loneliness.
"And now I think we gotta get outta here," Haruko said before one of the emergency relief Binomes noticed Haruko and started getting angry.
"Hey, where were you?! You stood me up!" the Binome yelled before another Binome recognized the last Wasprian.
"Wait, you asked her out, too?" the other Binome asked, just as multiple Binomes started crowding around Haruko, confused and angry.
"Do I even need to ask?" Dot asked Rick while a Sprite with silver hair and blue skin appeared out of a portal behind her.
"Uh, look, someone who can help!" Rick yelled, pointing at the Sprite before running away. "Everybody to the Rick-stery Machine!"
"Get him!" one of the Binomes yelled, chasing the Flesh Curtains to their ship before Birdperson took control and flew it away from the Twin City.
"Damn, Haruko, how many of those Binomes did you seduce?" Rick asked his Wasprian protege while the two caught their breath aboard the ship.
"About a dozen or so." Haruko grinned like a cat as she undid her hair. "So many of those little guys thought they were hot shit, but I gave them all the slip."
"Attagirl!" Rick laughed triumphantly before the two exchanged a fist bump. "Hey, Birdperson, check it out! Haruko here conned a bunch of those dumbasses!"
"A dozen, you say?" Birdperson replied, eyes focused on leaving Dimension R-994. "That does not seem healthy."
"Hey, cut me some slack, BP! You've seen dimensions where people go out with more than that!" Haruko responded. "Though personally, I do not want to know how those Binome guys reproduce."
"Well, I guess we should head to our next show soon," Rick said as he turned to Squanchy. "Squanchy, where to?"
"Ooh, you're gonna love this squanch!" Squanchy said while pulling up the band's next destination on a screen.
Meanwhile, back in Mainframe, Repre S. Entative watched angrily as the Flesh Curtains flew away, standing atop a building with a few Medical Machines by his side. "Dammit!" he complained while stomping his foot. "I was so close this time, and they got away again!"
"It seems our timing was off, sir." a masked Medical Mechanica soldier observed. "They were planning to hold a concert in that other city, but then the explosion happened, and the Wasprian tried to catfish the locals."
"Doesn't matter; we have another mission to accomplish." Repre said as he regained his confidence. "We need to plant an iron and a Pin in this dimension where no one can find it. That way, these folks will all be taken by surprise when it activates!"
"Speaking of surprises, the master would like to see you." another soldier revealed, shaking the Representative Director's bravado and making him quiver in fear. "I don't think he will like your failure here."
"Just install the Pin and get on with it already," Repre replied nervously before opening a portal that took him out of Mainframe, leaving his enforcers to be confronted by a large, robotic figure with a dark blue body, red fins on his head, and glowing green eyes.
"Uh, can we help you, sir?" another one of Repre's soldiers asked, and the figure responded by extending yellow claws from his hand with an evil smile on his face.
"No, Davros, I am not altering my Medical Machines' designs to your specifications!" an aging humanoid man draped in a cloak and wearing a mask argued with a screen showing an even older man with his eyes permanently shut, a glowing blue dot on his forehead, a mechanical right hand, and a metal brace attached to his head. "No one in their right mind would ever be intimidated by a bunch of xenophobic trash cans with the most obnoxious voices ever conceived by any being!"
"You laugh at my Daleks now, but you shall soon see how terrifying they can be!" Davros cackled maniacally. "Soon, they shall bring about THE DESTRUCTION OF REALITY ITSEL-" The man ended his conversation with Davros before the deranged scientist could finish.
"That's what I hate the most about conquerors like him." the Lord Superior Officer Demido Kuriya, leader of Medical Mechanica, said while taking off his iron mask, revealing his thinning white hair, blue eyes, and that his face had a large mechanical implant installed which covered his right eye. "They cannot see beyond basic megalomania and instead prefer to cause havoc and commit genocide rather than stepping back to see the bigger picture."
"Lord Superior Officer, your summons have been answered." a Medical Machine declared in a feminine secretary's voice while stepping into Demido's office, bringing a smile to the CEO's haggard face.
"Ah yes, send him in." the LSO replied as Repre was shunted into his office. "How goes your mission, my son?"
"Terribly, Milord." Repre sighed in anger before he punched a wall. I keep getting so close to capturing Sanchez and the Wasprian, but they always leave me at the last possible moment!"
"Rick is a far more calculating opponent than you might think, as is expected among the Ricks of the vast multiverse," Demido stated while putting a fatherly hand on his second-in-command's shoulder. If you were to take a good long look at the two, you'd swear they were father and son, and you'd be right because Repre is actually a clone of Demido Kuriya, created to serve as his right-hand man. "However, I am more concerned about that Haruko Haruhara character he's been traveling with lately. She's come into contact with the Pirate King, and no doubt this connection will prove detrimental to our plans."
"That is true." Repre agreed with his boss and progenitor. "Do you wish for me to capture her, sir?"
"Correct, my dear boy," Demido answered with ominous politeness. "Although all of Wasprus has been destroyed, perhaps we can still find a use for its people. I would also like Atomsk in our clutches as well."
"Precisely what I was thinking!" the Representative Director exclaimed. "You know how much I crave his power! There is no multiversal singularity and symbol of freedom from restraint that I want to control more than the Pirate King, and hearing that he destroyed Wasprus only makes me lust for him more!"
"Hm, I see." the Lord Superior Officer nodded before walking his clone towards a painting of an army of demons descending from the sky to battle a group of angels on the ground. "Allow me to show you this painting I have recently acquired. The art collector I met with calls this piece "Demons from the Sky," symbolizing how light shall soon falter in its great battle against darkness. Given my origins, I can't help but connect to this artwork.
"What do you mean, sir?" Repre asked.
"I'm saying that you shouldn't get too cocky, my child." the Lord Superior Officer stated curtly while looking around as if he had a secret to hide. "I may have created you to be the ideal version of myself, but Rick Sanchez is a dangerous opponent who has made many powerful enemies and allies across the multiverse. He is always a couple dozen steps ahead of the curve, and there is no doubt that Wasprus girl will learn from him and become as capable a manipulator as he."
Just then, an orange-colored Medical Machine in a business suit entered Demido's office to speak with his boss. "Mr. Kuriya, your board of executives would like to speak with you." Executive Director Yamaguchi said to the Lord Superior Officer. "They want your thoughts on acquiring a potential new asset to the company."
"Can this wait, Yamaguchi?" the Lord Superior Officer said to his direct liaison to the rest of Medical Mechanica. "I'm trying to educate my ward here."
"I believe this is of the utmost importance, sir," Yamaguchi responded. They need you to be their Johnny on the spot."
"Very well then," Demido said before turning to his clone. "And as for you, Repre, I need you to install a Pin in Dimension BI-20, where we suspect the Flesh Curtains will perform next. I've already gotten permission from the Galactic Federation to send a few Gromflomites with you, so don't mess this up. Otherwise…." The Lord Superior Officer smashed his fist into the wall to emphasize his point. "Am I clear?"
"Yes, milord," Repre said as he took his leave with his new orders. "Just you wait, Rick and Haruko. I will have you both in my custody soon."
For Haruko's first proper gig as a Flesh Curtain, the band was taken to the mystical and demonic world of the Boiling Isles in Dimension BI-20. In particular, they were set to perform on Grom night at the Hexside School of Magic and Demonics, with Haruko serving as the band's frontman while Rick was off cavorting with one of the school's students.
"The coup de grace comes out of nowhere, and it's been ages; I've been waiting." Haruko sang to a crowd of teenage witches while rocking out on a Rickenbacker bestowed upon her by Rick, with Birdperson singing alongside her while Squanchy rocked out on the drums. "Beneath a TV static sky I reside, and I've lost track of fear; no, you can't scare me anymore."
"Looking down on a city so quiet, destroy it on a whim, just tinder and flint now." Birdperson joined Haruko's singing. "Set this whole site ablaze; just stare and watch it; I can't even remember the place's name anyway."
"I'm at peace with accepting this role of solitude I take. You don't need to go easy or look out for me, okay? Oh no, no, no." The two sang a duet together. "Just want to be myself, feeling strength in what I am. No matter who I'm with or where, yeah. Right now, now, now."
The song ended, and the crowd began cheering for an encore, excited to see Haruko perform more. "Thank you all for your support. We really appreciate it." Haruko thanked her magical fans while preparing to walk offstage. "We'll be back shortly for another song, so stay tuned and make sure to use protection! I'll be around the school signing autographs."
"You did squanching great out there for your first time, Haruko!" Squanchy cheered for Haruko while chugging some apple blood as Haruko signed autographs for the young witches. "Heck, if we wanted to, we could totally replace Rick with you."
"Please, you're too kind." Haruko blushed at Squanchy's comment. "Besides, I'm kind of surprised I still went up there, considering the last time I was on stage was when my planet blew up." Just then, she felt someone poke her on the back. "Yes?"
"Hello, Miss Haruko. We want to ask if you know where our friend went." Raine, a mint green-haired witch with brown skin and big glasses, asked while standing next to a fairer-skinned witch who also wore glasses and had curly red hair. "Her name's Edalyn; she's about yay high and has orange hair."
"Sorry, kiddos, no dice." Haruko shrugged, much to the two's dismay. "Last I saw someone like that, she ran off with my buddy Rick."
"Of course, she would." The red-headed witch, Lilith, rolled her eyes and sighed upon hearing what had happened to her little sister. "Well, hopefully, those two make it back in time for Grometheus to be challenged."
"Wait, who's Grometheus?" Haruko asked. "Some kinda mediocre prequel to a classic sci-fi movie?"
"Far from it." Lilith said. "Grometheus is a being who feeds on fear, and we hold Grom every year so that our principal chooses one lucky student to fight it. Whoever does fight Grometheus will have to face the personification of their worst fears."
As Lilith explained the powers of the fear bringer, Haruko became blue in the face as her mind raced, bringing all her worst fears to the forefront. Some of them were rather ridiculous, like her fear of flying spaghetti monsters, but the biggest was losing the people she cared about and being all alone again. "Uh, I gotta go!"
"Haruko, wait!" Birdperson called for Haruko as she ran away from the school dance. "Okay, which one of us should call Rick, Squanchy?"
"You go and squanch him!" Squanchy answered. "I'll go and fetch the kid."
"If I must," Birdperson said before calling Rick. "Sometimes I worry for that girl. She was lost and alone when we found her, but I'm unsure if Rick is the right father figure for her."
Outside Hexside, Repre had arrived on the Boiling Isles through a portal of N.O energy with a small squad of Gromflomites, bug-like creatures in service to the Galactic Federation, at his beck and call. "Okay, men, I have strict orders for you all," Repre said to his subordinates. "Your job here is to install a Medical Mechanica factory in this dimension along with a Pin that will allow us to keep track of its progress. And if you ever find a certain scientist and his friends, bring them to me as soon as they're located. Are we clear?"
"YES, SIR!" the Gromflomites yelled obediently while Repre smirked confidently to himself.
"Excellent." Repre sneered before peering inside the gym at a panicking Haruko comforted by Squanchy while Birdperson tried calling Rick. "And wouldn't you know it? They're quite literally standing right behind me." He let out an evil laugh before unveiling a keypad with a screen attached to his robotic arm. "I'm going to enjoy sticking this party up. If only Rick were here to see my victory."
"HAHAHAHAHA! Emperor Ballsack, that's hilarious!" Rick cackled raucously as he and his new friend Edalyn Clawthorne ran away from a statue of the Boiling Isles' ruler, Emperor Belos, they had just defaced. "You have a bright future as a menace to society, kiddo!"
"Yeah, it feels like I'm the only one on these Isles who knows how much of a dirtbag Belos is," Eda replied cheekily. "Why is it that he and his cronies get away with using all forms of magic, but when other witches do it, they're labeled as criminals who need to be stopped? Sounds kind of hypocritical, don't you think?"
"Oh, totally! Almost like Belos is enforcing such strict rules so that his pathetic ass can feel like he has power over something." Rick chuckled before he spotted something in the distance. To his surprise, the scientist could see the silhouette of a large pin being lowered towards the Boiling Isles. "What the hell is going on over there?"
"Wait, I think I know where that thing is going!" Eda exclaimed. "That's going to one of my dad's old places!" She grabbed Rick by the hand and dragged him towards some cliffs away from Bonesborough, where they spotted a large, pin-like object planted on a beach close to an old stone tower. "What's a pin doing here?"
"I think I might have a good idea of where it came from." Rick grimaced as he turned to face a giant iron being installed nearby, signifying that Medical Mechanica was covertly implanting themselves into the Boiling Isles. "Those sons of bitches are here?! We gotta warn the others!" He then pulled out his phone and called Birdperson, who was conveniently waiting for him. "Birdperson, am I glad to see you!"
"What a coincidence! I was trying to reach you all night," Birdperson replied. "We have a bit of a problem here."
"That's exactly why I wanted to call you; I think Medical Mechanica may have followed us here!" Rick exclaimed. "We gotta get outta here, now!"
"Well, funny you should mention that." Birdperson stated flatly. "Because Haruko is currently having a little crisis."
"Just calm the squanch down, kiddo; we can get through this." Squanchy tried to comfort Haruko through her panic attack as she curled up into a ball backstage. "You're a strong, brave girl who did so squanching great that first time on stage."
"I know; I'm just scared I'm gonna lose you guys!" Haruko sobbed into her knees as Rick returned via portal gun with Eda by his side. "I already lost everyone who cared about me back home; I don't want the same to happen to you!"
"There you are, kiddo." Rick burped as the portal disappeared behind him before kneeling to Haruko's level. "Dammit, you had me worried sick there for a bit. I can see you're stressed, but we have bigger problems than that right now."
"Like what?" Haruko asked, her tears drying before the Flesh Curtains heard an unfamiliar voice.
"THIS IS A STICK-UP!" Repre S. Entative yelled as he barged into the gym and began pointing a laser gun at everyone around him. "Everyone on your knees! Either tell us where Rick Sanchez and Haruha Raharu are, or someone will get hurt!"
"Excuse me, sir, but I do not believe you've been invited." Hexside's vice principal, Hieronymous Bump, said to the enforcer of Medical Mechanica's will. "Either show some identification, or I will kindly ask you to leave."
"I'd like to speak to your principal about some renegades he's been hiding." Repre said while presenting some wanted posters of each member of the Flesh Curtains. "My superiors have eyes on Rick and Haruha in particular, as they're wanted for one trillion blemflarcks."
"One trillion blemfarcks?!" Haruko exclaimed from behind the curtains, accidentally giving the band's location away before a pair of Gromflomites caught them and brought them before Repre.
"Ah, the last daughter of Wasprus, we meet at last." Repre sinisterly greeted Haruko while straightening his lapels. "You may not know or care about this, but I am Repre S. Entative, representative director of Medical Mechanica, which means you formerly worked for me."
"Repre S. Entative? Man, sorry that your parents gave you such a dumb name." Haruko sneered, infuriating Repre. "Let me guess, you have shitty parents too?"
"My boss is literally the only parent I've ever had, and he has placed a bounty on all your heads!" Repre yelled before presenting the wanted posters again. "If you do not surrender yourselves at once, I will have to use lethal force."
"Well, this has been a real wubba lubba dub dub," Rick said before turning to the Hexside students and teachers. "am I right, ladies, gentlemen, and other assorted genders?" Everyone else began laughing at Rick's joke. "Thank you. I'll be here all week!"
"Enough quips!" Repre yelled before he started typing on the keypad on his arm. "Behold, whelps, the Dreaded Darkness Mecha!" He then let out a maniacal laugh as an orb-like robot with big metallic lips, hyper-detailed teeth, and tentacles emerged from a portal behind him.
"Dreaded Darkness Mecha?" Haruko quipped. "Damn, why not call it the Totally Evil Mechanica 3000, why don't ya?"
"Seize them!" Repre commanded the Mecha as it began haphazardly swinging its tentacles around Hexside's gym, making everyone run for cover or fight back. "That's right, you insolent mice. Scurry while you still can!"
"We have to keep everyone safe!" Birdperson exclaimed while fighting off Gromflomite soldiers and smashing them against the wall. "Everyone, take cover!" The Flesh Curtains then ducked behind a flipped-over table to serve as a hiding place, where it just so happened that Eda, Lilith, and Raine were also hiding from Medical Mechanica. "What are you three doing here? You should escape while you can!"
"But how can I not stick around to see this?!" Eda replied. "This is, like, the second year in a row where grom went down the toilet, and it wasn't my fault!"
"Yes, we still remember what happened with those tree demons last year." Lilith declared before she cast a spell to blast a Gromflomite in the face. "What do we do?!"
"Women are from Mars, and men are from Venus," Haruko stated while preparing to attack with her guitar. "I don't know about you BUT I GOT A GIANT PENIS!" After positioning the Rickenbacker between her legs like a big dick, Haruko fired a missile at the Dreaded Darkness Mecha, causing Repre to finally lay eyes on her once again.
"Ah, the last daughter of Wasprus." Repre declared. "I can see it in your eyes, little one. You, too, seek the power of Atomsk, yes? Well, I'm afraid you're going to have those dreams dashed because I'm going to find him first!"
Haruko tingled at the thought of someone else taking Atomsk's power. Though she had only seen him up close once before, that made her love him against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. With an angry fire in her eyes, Haruko jumped towards the Mecha with the Rickenbacker in hand and smashed it in the face, causing it to stumble around aimlessly while Rick began to think of a plan.
"Okay, team, while that thing is distracted!" Rick exclaimed as he, Birdperson, Squanchy, Eda, Lilith, and Raine huddled together to discuss Rick's plan. "Okay, we got a giant robot making a mess of things, and the megalomaniac controlling it wants our heads on a wall. Anybody got some bright ideas?"
"I got an idea!" Squanchy suggested. "Why don't we use that Grom thing to show Repre his worst fears, and he'll be so squanching scared, he'll just surrender and squanch away with his tail between his legs?"
"That sounds like a very dangerous idea that could very easily backfire," Lilith advised against Squanchy's plan. "Grometheus is a wild beast whose only form of intelligence is feeding on the fears of whoever comes into contact with it, so there's no way in Titan we can ever get it on our side!"
"Squanch it, kid; I'm a drummer, not an eldritch horror whisperer!" Squanchy argued with the teen witch. "Besides, I don't think Haruko can keep that machine at bay for long." Although Haruko had taken both Repre and his forces by surprise and had the advantage with how unpredictable she was, Repre was renowned for his tenacity and how he attacked like a feral predator.
"Why won't you just stay down?!" Repre snarled as he clashed his lightsaber with Haruko's guitar.
"No man is ever gonna tie me down!" Haruko cackled before giving Repre a long, slow lick across his face to gross him out before she scrambled off to the stage. "Hey kids, wanna see something cool?!"
"What is she doing?!" Raine exclaimed as Rick caught onto what Haruko had planned.
"She's reading my mind!" Rick exclaimed before following Haruko to the stage and wrangling a pedestal with insect legs and a red button. "Care to do the honors?"
"Do you need to ask?" Haruko gave a wry smirk before she pressed the button, causing the gym floor to give way as Repre and his men jumped out of the way, all except for two Gromflomites that accidentally fell into the hidden room.
"Help, God, let me out!" Ginememinasaurus Ryan yelled as he banged on the slowly closing floor, trapping him and his partner beneath the gym. "Oh great, what are we going to do now?!
"Hell if I know!" Enyababageil Hugh replied before the two Gromflomites heard a noise in the darkness. Marching ever so closer to the two bug aliens was Grometheus, a strange shadow creature whose form seemed ever-changing, its shape distorting like a blob of ink. Grometheus was drawn towards Ginememinasaurus Ryan and threw out an inky tendril that attached to the Gromflomite's head. He began to tap into his innermost fears while another tentacle rifled through his pockets.
Grometheus then changed its shape to resemble a Gromflomite while gazing at what it found in Ryan's pockets. It was a box containing a diamond ring. Gazing at the ring in its hands, Grometheus coldly rolled its eyes before throwing it to the ground and storming off.
"W-What just happened?" Hugh asked while watching his coworker resist the urge to cry as he picked up the box to discover the ring inside. "Oh my, who was this for? You got a girlfriend back home or something?"
"No, I don't have a girlfriend." Ryan replied while taking Hugh's pincers in his. "That ring was meant for you. I love you, Hugh, I always have. I was just too scared to tell you because I thought you weren't interested in me."
"You were just afraid of telling me?" Hugh asked. "Come on, I know you, Ryan. You're the bravest guy I know. It's not like you to hide something like this because you're so scared. After all, I love you too."
Ginememinasaurus Ryan gave Enyababageil Hugh a tearful smile before the two Gromflomites shared their first romantic kiss, and they have Grometheus the Fear Bringer to thank for bringing them together.
"Grom's gonna eat those two alive!" Eda declared with a sardonic laugh once Rick and Haruko closed the compartment door on the gym floor before looking at Repre and the Dreaded Darkness Mecha. "Now, what do we do about these two?"
"You think just opening doors can stop me?! Well, it's not!" Repre bragged angrily. I own you! I'll own your planets! I'm going to own this planet!" He then prepared to fire a laser blast from his mechanical arm. "In fact, fu-" Before Repre could finish, Eda and Raine took him out with a magic blast to the back of his head, knocking him out for the count.
"Wow, he went down like a bitch." Rick muttered disdainfully at how the band's self-proclaimed archenemy went down so quickly before pointing at the Dreaded Darkness Mecha. "Now, how do we deal with that abomination?"
"Don't worry, guys, I got this covered." Haruko smirked confidently before racing towards the machine with her guitar ready. "Hey Mecha, what time is it?!" The Mecha glared at Haruko as it readied its tentacles for one final attack. "IT'S LUUUUUNCHTIIIIIME!" With that, Haruko became like a pink blur, darting every which way around the Mecha and causing it to get tangled in its tentacles before she burst through its body like a human missile, destroying the machine once and for all.
"THAT'S MY GIRL, WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!" Rick cheered with the young witches as the future Vespa Woman emerged triumphant from the machine's derelict carcass while the Gromflomite soldiers all stared in shock and awe. "SHE GOT THAT FROM ME! ANYONE ELSE WANNA SLAM DANCE WITH HER?!"
"RETREAT!" one of the Gromflomites yelled in terror as all the bug-like aliens grabbed Repre's unconscious body and the Dreaded Darkness Mecha's remains before running away from the Hexside gym. Only then did they realize someone was missing. "Hey, where are Ryan and Hugh?"
"Over here!" Ginememinasaurus Ryan exclaimed as he and Enyababageil Hugh walked toward their comrades while holding hands. "We're engaged now!"
"Yeah. Congratulations on finally tying the knot, you two. Let's get out of here." the lead Gromflomite replied just as Repre finally began waking up. "Hey, the boss is coming to!"
"Ugh, what happened?" Repre muttered as he finally awakened from his earlier concussion. "Last thing I remember was bragging about some doors before getting knocked out by some teenagers."
"Rick's perky female minion took out the machine, sir." One of the Gromflomites revealed this, much to Repre's horror, as the Dreaded Darkness Mecha was wheeled away for repairs.
"MY BABY!" Repre yelled as he tried to get up and screamed in pain from the injuries he sustained. "Do we at least have any good news to take from this?"
"The good news is that we still successfully installed a Pin and a Medical Mechanica factory in this dimension, sir." another Gromflomite stated.
"Excellent!" Repre laughed victoriously, only to start violently coughing from his injuries. "Our time will come soon. But for now, someone put me in intensive care and tell the boss I'll be out sick for a few days or so."
"Aw, thank you, thank you so much; I'll be here all week!" Haruko thanked her adoring fans as they continued cheering for her victory over the Dreaded Darkness Mecha. "Please, you're all too kind! Thanks for coming to the epic battle. Goodnight!"
"Encore, encore!" Squanchy hollered excitedly. "You deserve it!"
"Naw, please, I was only passing through." Haruko said nervously, but Rick was ready to make her accomplishments known as he marched up to the last daughter of Wasprus.
"Listen, Haruha Raharu, look me in the eye!" Rick said as he cupped Haruko's cheeks in his hands and tilted her head up to face him. "You've got the makings of greatness in y-y-you, but ya gotta take the helm and chart your own course." he declared encouragingly. "Stick to it, no matter the squalls! And when the time comes, you get the chance to really test the cut of your sails and show what you're made of!" He then let out a dry chuckle. "Well, I hope I'm there, catchin' some of the light comin' off ya that day."
Haruko sniffled with a tear in her eye as she hugged Rick, making him look a little uncomfortable as everyone reacted to the heartfelt sight before them. "Don't you all have jobs?!" Rick asked in embarrassment.
As the dust began to settle and Grom proceeded as normal, the band was ready to play another song when they felt a demonic presence looming over them. "I assume you must be the Flesh Curtains playing tonight." Hexside's imposing principal Faust said while ominously twisting his neck, almost like he had no bones. "While I do have to thank you for warding off this so-called Medical Mechanica, I'm afraid you are banned from Hexside premises from here on out, thanks to the chaos you brought with you, starting tonight."
"Aw, come on, it wasn't our fault!" Squanchy complained. "We didn't even know they would squanch up until they stuck everyone up!"
"That does not matter!" Faust boomed. "I don't want to see your faces around the school ever again!"
"Tell him to go eat shit, Haruko." Rick commanded his plucky sidekick.
"Tell him yourself!" Haruko replied.
"Eat shit, asshole!" Rick yelled at Faust in retaliation for being banned. "Fall off your horse!" He then turned to Vice Principal Bump. "Hey, Bumper Sticker, think you can be a pal and let us play one more song for tonight?"
"Oh, of course, Rick!" Bump readily agreed. "I did find myself getting quite attached to your music. Do you perhaps have a copy I can have?"
"Here, knock yourself out, it's on the house." Rick said as he tossed a vinyl record of the Flesh Curtains' songs in Bump's face before he left to make an announcement.
"Honestly, Hieronymous, you're a little too lenient sometimes." Faust shook his head in disbelief while Bump geeked out over his Flesh Curtains memorabilia. "You'll never become principal with that attitude."
"Attention, students of Hexwarts or whatever the hell this school is called," Rick announced to the grom attendants. "Due to some assholes trying to spoil our fun, unfortunately, the Flesh Curtains have no choice but to leave the building because of the little incident earlier. But thankfully, your vice principal has given us the okay to perform one last song before the guards kick us out! ARE YOU READY?!"
"Yeah!" the teen witches all cheered excitedly.
"That's what we love to hear! YEAH BOY!" Haruko replied when she got an idea. "Hey, we'd like to ask some very special friends who helped us save you all tonight to come on up and perform with us!" she offered as the spotlight shone on Eda and Raine. "Eda and Raine, come on up!"
"Wait, us?!" Raine exclaimed as their stage fright kicked in while Eda excitedly grabbed her crush by the hand and dragged them to the stage.
"This is gonna be so awesome!" Eda cheered before turning to Lilith. "Hey Lily, you recording this?!"
"Already on it." Lilith declared as she summoned a scroll to record the concert with.
"Whoo, you go, girl!" Haruko yelled while high-fiving Eda, who was ready and raring to go, unlike Raine, who was quaking in their boots.
"It's okay, Raine. Take deep breaths. You got Eda with you, she'll help you feel okay." Raine muttered to themselves before Haruko noticed their silent panicking.
"What's the matter? You got a crush?" Haruko gave the awkward bard a cheeky grin, causing Raine to blush and glare at Rick's apprentice. "Hey, I'm just asking Geeky McGeekerstein."
"WE ARE THE FLESH CURTAINS!" Squanchy screamed while tapping his drumsticks together. "ONE, TWO, THREE, SQUANCH!"
"When the world has screwed you and crushed you in its fist," Rick began singing as the Flesh Curtains began one last song, this time with Eda and Raine as backup. "When the way you're treated and got you good and pissed!"
"There's been one solution since the world began," Haruko added while shredding some hot licks on the Rickenbacker. "Don't just sit and take it; stick it to the man!"
"Rant and rave and scream and shout; get all of your aggression out!" the duo, along with Birdperson and Eda, started singing together. "They try to stop you; let them know exactly where they all could go! And do it just as loudly as you can! Stick it to the man!"
And so, Haruko learned a valuable lesson about courage and believing in yourself or whatever, but that didn't matter to her. She knew now that someone else was pining for the power of Atomsk, and she refused to let anyone else get to the Pirate King first. It was a good thing Haruko had Rick and company by her side to help her across the multiverse, but in case they wanted Atomsk too, she needed to have them off the board as well. It'll only be a matter of time.
In Loving Memory of Akira Toriyama
April 5, 1955 – March 1, 2024
"Tackle life with as much energy as Goku! I'll try to do the same!"
Notes:
Ooo-hoo-hoo, ominous! Is Haruko really just leading Rick and pals on, or does she really care for them deep down? We'll just have to wait and see. Also, starting from this chapter, the Flesh Curtains shall start performing songs by The Pillows whenever they do a gig, so be on the lookout for more where that came from. And when next we meet, Repre S. Entative will continue his crusade for Atomsk, while Haruko and Rick deal with being wanted by Medical Mechanica as their road trip across dimensions continues. Catch ya later!
Chapter 3: Good Rick Hunting
Notes:
AN: Hey, welcome back, everyone! How are you doing? You all look good, you all look good. Now, pardon me for taking so long, I've just had other business to do. Been watching TV shows, going to college, playing video games, all that jazz. But now I can finally set aside some time to finally get back to Rick and Haruko! When last we left off, the Flesh Curtains had their first big encounter with Medical Mechanica on the Boiling Isles, and Haruko has now learned that someone else wants Atomsk for himself. This does not please the future Vespa Woman one bit. What will happen when Haruko's relationship with Rick begins clashing with her crush on the Pirate King? Well, we'll have to see. But for now, let's get down to more crossovers!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Rick And Haruko
Chapter 3: Good Rick Hunting
Repre S. Entative glowered as he sat down in his office chair, still recovering from his altercation with the Flesh Curtains on the Boiling Isles a month ago with his organic arm in a sling, gazing at various holographic screens depicting the band's further escapades. On one screen, Haruko played doctor and forced three young female Galactic Federation officers to strip naked so she can touch them in uncomfortable places. On another screen, Rick is shown angrily shaking his fist at his ex-girlfriend Washu Hakubi, who returned her former lab partner's anger by threatening to cut his head off for science. Squanchy was playing a game of basketball against a cyborg basketball player, and Birdperson was meditating next to a silver-colored humanoid on a surfboard.
"I can't just sit idly by and watch them continue their chaos!" Repre yelled angrily while pounding the arm of his chair with his mechanical hand. "Ugh, if only I could somehow find a way to gain their trust! Maybe then, it'll be easier for me to find Atomsk." Just then, a Medical Machine entered his office. "Unit #4113, what is your request?"
"I wish to speak to you about our research on Neural Omnipotence energy." The Medical Machine answered coldly while presenting a video on a tablet it was holding. "Our continued project has seen fruit as we can now use it to deliver the factories and associated Pins to multiple alternate universes in an instant. Here is but one example we have from Dimension A-205."
The tablet showed an armada of Medical Machines and Medical Mechanica soldiers in Dimension A-205 fighting against an army of soldiers who were using fire-based abilities against them. "Our forces were ready to conquer this land and install another Pin, but everything changed when this so-called Fire Nation attacked."
"Does everyone in this dimension have fire powers?" Repre asked while stroking his chin with his mechanical arm.
"Not entirely." The Medical Machine continued. "This is a world where humans living in four nations display mastery in controlling one of the four elements: water, earth, fire, and air. Only a being known as the Avatar is adept at all four of them, but unfortunately, the current incarnation of the Avatar, the one who is supposed to end the Fire Nation's reign of terror, is reported missing."
"Interesting." Repre muttered, showing intrigue in the Four Nations' potential. "Fire up another portal! I want a word with whoever is leading this Fire Nation. Maybe we can strike up an alliance."
"But sir, your arm!" the Medical Machine urged the Representative Director. Still, he was too stubborn to listen as he stepped through an N.O. portal that brought him to Dimension A-205, right in the middle of the conflict between Medical Mechanica and the Fire Nation's army.
"Soldiers of the Fire Nation, we come in peace!" Repre declared as he made a grand speech to stop the fighting, putting his natural oratory skills to good use. "I am Repre S. Entative, representative director of Medical Mechanica. Today, I have come here to inform you and your military of the glorious purpose your empire and this entire world have been trusted with. I have planted a large Medical Mechanica factory on your land that will one day be very useful, and I must urge you to drop all futile resistance towards our rule."
"You must be the leader of these invaders." Zhao, one of the Fire Nation's generals, declared as he marched towards Repre with a hand covered in fire that he planned on attacking with. "The Fire Lord shall not take this lightly."
"Well, is the Fire Lord here with us right now?" Repre smirked as he gestured towards Zhao's forces being brought to their knees by the Medical Machines. "If you ever see your master again, tell him Medical Mechanica will always be watching. But in the meantime, men, fire when ready."
The Medical Machines silently obeyed and opened fire on the Fire Nation Soldiers as Repre left through another portal, leaving Zhao to grit his teeth in anger as he prepared to fight these invading machines.
"Come on, Haruko, put it in, put it in." Rick urged Haruko while she dumped some grounded-up Kalaxian crystals into a bong and lit it up for them to smoke. After taking a puff of the bong, Rick's eyes began dilating, and his sclera turned a bright blue. "Whoo, wubba lubba dub dub, I am tripping so many balls right now! Check it out, I can see myself as a dorky teenager in high school who also happens to be a talking fish!"
Haruko began smoking the bong herself and became just as drugged up as Rick. "Whoa, these crystals are the tits!" she cheered in a drug-induced craze. "Wanna know what I can see?! I see myself as a sexy dullahan biker chick with the cutest little cat ears on my helmet! Cat ears, kitty kitty, meow!"
"Whoa, my hands smell like lemons now." Rick muttered to himself while gazing at his hands and sniffing the alleged fruity scent. "Unacceptable! I wanted my hands to smell like strawberries or something!"
"Rick, Haruko, there you two are," Birdperson said as he stepped into the two's den and smelled something off. "What smells of dead skunks in here? Are you two doing drugs again?
"Come on, Big Bird, try it!" Haruko said while offering the bong to Birdperson. "One smoke of this, and you'll imagine yourself as a witch hunter or a cute opera-singing sniper!"
"I'm good, thank you." Birdperson politely turned down the offer. "We're coming up on our next gig now. Please come outside and see."
Rick and Haruko then put the bong and left their crack den, strutting out while imagining "Low Rider" by War playing as they went. But from Birdperson and Squanchy's point of view, the duo were stumbling about while vocalizing the song poorly to themselves before they stumbled and fell.
"I knew I squanched something wrong!" Squanchy declared. "Anyways, look alive, you sons of squanches, we got a real doozy of a gig! Some broad named Pink Diamond in Dimension CG-213 wants some entertainment for her big ball squanching up."
"Dimension CG-213? Oh goddammit." Rick grumbled as he got back up while coming down from his high.
"What beef do you have with them, Rick?" Haruko asked.
"This dimension is home to a race of sentient rocks named Gems who go about colonizing planets to make more of their kind." Rick explained to Haruko. "I don't want to get into any specifics, but let's agree not to mention what happened on Naru-10."
"You think they'll let us in after that stunt you pulled back then?" Birdperson asked.
"Please, you caused the genocide of one species of ninja fox aliens; you basically committed all the genocide!" Rick bragged as the Rick-stery Machine emerged from a portal and flew towards a planet resembling a large white stone broken into pieces and surrounded by rings. "Hopefully, this won't turn out like what happened with the Viltrumites." He then put a pair of antennae on Haruko's head. "Now put these on; these Gems have never encountered any humans or humanoid life before, so we're gonna need to act like the most bizarre-ass aliens possible."
Soon, the Rick-stery Machine landed on the Gem Homeworld to the cheers of every Gem present at the landing site while the Flesh Curtains stepped out of the spaceship to greet them. "Greetings, Gems, bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong!" Rick declared while using a universal greeting and accompanying hand gestures before he started flipping the Gems off. "Come on, Haruko, you gotta flip 'em off! Last time I was here, I told them it means peace among worlds! How hilarious is that?"
Haruko looked out at the Gems surrounding the band, many of whom with working fingers also had their middle fingers raised, and she eagerly joined in on the lewd hand gestures. "Coming through, just a couple of normal aliens here to play music." Rick exclaimed while continuing to flip the Gems off. "Take us to your leader and all that."
"So you are here to perform for Pink Diamond's ball tonight?" Yellow Diamond asked the Flesh Curtains once they entered the Great Diamond Authority's throne room. "What makes you believe you can just waltz onto our planet and start making demands?"
"Come on, Diamonds, we've been through this dozens of times before!" Rick exclaimed. "I do stuff for you, and you won't kill my ass in exchange! Besides, Pink needs someone to keep a leash on her while she's going through whatever you Gems call puberty or whatever."
"That reminds me, where is Pink?" Birdperson asked. "Is she in her room again with her little Pebbles?"
"Yes, she's just getting ready for tonight." Blue Diamond replied.
"Oh phew, I thought she got into trouble for getting so squanching mad again." Squanchy sighed in relief. "She's a real firebrand, that one."
"Teenagers, am I right?" Rick agreed with Squanchy. "Only a matter of time before she gets into a rebellious phase."
"Oh please, Pink is somewhat well-behaved." White Diamond chuckled. "What's the worst that could happen from a rebellious phase?"
"But mark my words, Rick, there will be consequences if you mess this one up." Yellow Diamond stated. "Speaking of which, you said you had a new member in your band. Where is she right now?"
"Hey, watch this!" Haruko exclaimed while hanging out with Pink Diamond, the youngest member of the Great Diamond Authority, in the Diamond's room as she demonstrated some juggling with a few of Pink's Pebbles. "Introducing the great and splendiferous Haruko! Thank you, I'll be here all night!"
"Wow, Haruko, you're so much fun!" Pink Diamond laughed joyfully. "I wish I could have a friend as fun as you are!"
"Maybe you could just ask for one, and they'll make it for you." Haruko replied. "Besides, didn't you lose your last friend a while ago? What was her name again?"
"I just called her Pearl." Pink said sadly. "I was having a little tantrum, and it caused me to accidentally break her eye, and then she was taken away from me. White Diamond says I should get another Pearl soon, but I don't know how long that will take."
"I can relate to suddenly having someone taken away from me." Haruko sympathized with Pink Diamond's predicament. "For all I know, I'm the last daughter of my old home planet before it was destroyed in an earth-shattering kaboom. And frankly, I'm glad to be rid of it. These guys called Medical Mechanica took it over and turned it into the mother of all crappy dystopian hellholes that suppressed any individual thought. Luckily, my mom was one of the only people who got a clue and led la resistance in fighting back for a while."
"What was your mom like?" Pink asked.
"Only the most wonderful woman I could've ever known." Haruko sighed nostalgically while gazing out Pink's window and reflecting on simpler, happier times.
"Tell me, where did you come from? Why do you know me?" Rihanna Raharu, a gentle woman with a soothing voice, red eyes, and white hair styled into a side plait over her shoulder, sang her twelve-year-old daughter, Haruha Raharu, a lullaby on her Flying V after tucking her into bed. "Tears of melancholy fall, resounding through the end of my loneliness. Bran-new lovesong, that is my song for you."
"Good night, Mommy." Haruha said before Rihanna gently kissed her daughter on the forehead.
"Good night, my little bumblebee." Rihanna smiled at Haruha. "And remember that for as long as you chase your dreams, I'll always be there for you, even if you can't see me. Because I love you." As soon as Haruha fell asleep, Rihanna decided to get serious as she stood up and walked out of Haruha's bedroom with the Flying V over her shoulder just as Reagan stepped out of the bathroom.
"Going out again, Rihanna?" Reagan asked his wife, yellow eyes half-lidded. "I swear, one of these days, your little band of freedom fighters are all gonna get caught, and you'll get us all killed!"
"The hardest of choices require the strongest of wills, dear." Rihanna let out a heavy sigh as she gathered the necessary supplies for her latest rebel mission. "Can you check the front door to see if the Little Busters are outside?"
"I can see Taro's folks right outside right about now." Reagan said as he opened the door for a brown-haired couple to enter, the wife looking way more confident than her husband. "Izumi, Jun."
"Reagan, Rihanna." Izumi's husband, Jun, greeted Reagan before turning to Rihanna. "Rihanna, you have got to hear this. Matsuo just got back with some juicy intel on Medical Mechanica; I mean, it's really insane! Some might even say apocalyptic!"
"My kind of party!" Izumi said boisterously. "Come on, Anna, the rest of the Little Busters are waiting for you!"
"Did you, uh, put Taro to sleep too?" Rihanna asked Izumi. "You know how he and Haruha like getting into trouble. Who knows what could happen if they decided to follow us on a mission."
"Ah, nothing to get intestinal distress about; Taro's sleeping like a baby right now!" Izumi laughed while giving her teammate a hearty slap on the back. "Now, what are we waiting for?! Let's blow that popsicle stand and head home before sunrise!"
"Like I said, Rihanna, one day you're going to get us all killed." Reagan said while helping himself to some beer. "Or maybe my drinking problem. We'll see how this all pans out, I guess."
"Dimension CG-213, huh?" Repre S. Entative growled to himself as he observed the Flesh Curtains' current location from afar. "I have you now." He laughed maniacally as his latest machine was prepared for launch.
Later that night, Pink Diamond's ball had commenced, and the Flesh Curtains were warming up for their show. As Haruko tuned her Rickenbacker, she took a moment to peek from behind the curtains to see the Diamonds all sitting on thrones and looking down on their subjects dancing in an almost mechanical formation. She found it weird how in sync they all were. "Man, look at these Gems. They're like robots!"
"Yeah, that's the thing about Gems; they're all about rigid conformity and shit when they're not going out and harvesting planets to make into colonies." Rick explained to Haruko. "Remind you of anything, kiddo?"
"Yeah, that's basically what my planet was before Atomsk blew it up." Haruko realized the connection as she kept watching the dancing Gems. "I only hope these guys can get a clue and not suffer the same fate."
"Sorry, no changing a fascist regime like this one." Rick shook his head in dismay. "The only way anyone can change here is if there's some kinda war or something! But what are the odds of that happening?!" He let out a laugh while the other Flesh Curtains gave him a funny look. "Ah, you'll all get it someday."
"Mr. Sanchez, one minute to curtain, Mr. Sanchez." Yellow Diamond's Pearl called out from backstage. "And what was that about a war?"
"None of your business!" Rick yelled when he realized that someone was missing. "Hey, where's Squanchy?! We're not the FC without our drums!" He then turned to Haruko. "Haruko, go find Squanchy! I wouldn't be surprised if he's looking for a place to squanch."
"On it, boss!" Haruko saluted as she began searching for Squanchy's whereabouts. However, it didn't take long to find the little cat, as Haruko quickly discovered Squanchy strangling himself with an Amethyst's whip and jerking at something she wished she could unsee. "Holy sugar honey iced tea!"
"Hey, I'm squanching here!" Squanchy yelled at Haruko for invading his privacy while Rick picked him up and put him on the drums.
"You little guys are just full of surprises." Haruko declared as the regular curtains rose on the Flesh Curtains. "Hello, Gem Homeworld! Are you ready to be musically, sonically, and, if all goes according to plan, physically assaulted?!" she yelled into the microphone, snapping the Gems out of their trance-like dancing and causing them to cheer. "Oh hell yeah, that's what I like to hear!"
"Woohoo, go, Haruko!" Pink Diamond cheered for her smaller friend.
"Ugh, this was a bad idea." Yellow Diamond rolled her eyes.
"WE ARE THE FLESH CURTAINS!" Squanchy yelled and tapped his drumsticks together. "ONE, TWO, THREE, SQUANCH!"
With that, the Flesh Curtains began their song. "A deserted island which seems to have mostly sunk. Not found on any globe, not even named." Haruko started singing. "Yesterday, the ship we hoped for came close, but it didn't even come to meet us."
"We got a little scorched staring longingly into the sun." Birdperson added.
"Holding a prism up, I waved my hand, but-"Rick sang as the chorus began.
"Can you feel? Can you feel that hybrid rainbow?" the three sang together, with Squanchy backing them up on drums. "Even we, who weren't chosen up till yesterday, are waiting for tomorrow."
"I must admit, this song has a nice beat." Blue Diamond commented while tapping along to the song.
"Our mostly deflated zeppelin is skimming just barely over the ground." Rick sang.
"The look of the colors which defy description will probably be mercilessly pecked at by the birds." Haruko added.
"Can you feel? Can you feel that hybrid rainbow?" the duo sang together. "Surely not yet. The limit can't be like this at all, not like this at all."
"Can you feel? Can you feel that hybrid rainbow?" As the song climaxed, trouble seemed afoot as a shadow waited in the wings, eager for the right moment to strike. "I wanna believe that here is only partway through. I can feel-"
Suddenly, a loud explosion occurred as Repre S. Entative burst into the Diamonds' throne room ceiling with an army of Medical Machines by his side. "Alright, everyone, stick 'em up!" Repre commanded the Gems around him while transforming his cybernetic arm into a large, threatening laser cannon. "This is a hold-up; nobody makes a move until Rick Sanchez and Haruha Raharu are brought to me dead or alive!"
"Oh, son of a bitch, not you again." Rick shook his head in disgust as he put down his guitar and jumped off the stage to confront the overzealous representative director. "How do you keep following us around like this?!"
"You'd be surprised what I can accomplish with the resources given to me," Repre smirked. "But besides that, I want retribution for my humiliation at the Boiling Isles! You could not believe how my superior officer reacted to my failure!"
"Yeah, don't care; prepare to get your ass kicked." Haruko interrupted Repre while standing alongside Rick. "But which part of your ass would you like to have kicked? The gluteus maximus, the gracilis, or the adductor magnus?!"
"On the contrary, my pink-haired friend, it is you who shall have your gluteus maximus handed to you!" Repre cackled confidently while typing on his keypad to summon another robot through an N.O portal. This time, the robot could transform from a humanoid body into a yellow car. "Cybertron inspired me to create this bad boy. I call him the Goldbug! Go get him, my sweet boy!"
The Goldbug obeyed its master's commands and began charging at Rick and Haruko, causing the surrounding Gems to run away out of fear of the sudden invasion, but not this duo. "Okay, kiddo, just like we practiced. You ready?"
"Ready, Freddy!" Haruko declared as the two armed themselves with the Flying V and the Rickenbacker before leaping toward the rampaging Goldbug.
"WUBBA LUBBA LUNCHTIME!" the mentor-student duo yelled as they engaged the Cybertronian-esque machine in battle, with Repre staying away from the chaos and controlling his Machine from afar.
"Oh, how I longed to bring these fools their darkest hour." Repre confidently stated as his fingers danced around his keypad, pressing buttons that gave the robot commands to attack. "The rest of you, round up the bird and the puddytat!" he ordered the Medical Machines. "The Lord Superior Officer wants all of them rounded up by the hour."
The Medical Machines obediently nodded and prepared to capture Birdperson and Squanchy, but instead, they found themselves being attacked by a group of Amethysts wrestling them to the ground before the robots could do anything.
"Can't you do anything right?!" Repre yelled in frustration while the Medical Machines were torn apart. "Fine, if you want something done right, you're better off doing it yourself!" Pulling a lever on his iron shoulder, a hatch on Repre's palm opened, revealing a lightsaber that he ignited to indicate that the blade glowed a brilliant red. With a devious smile on his face, Repre quickly joined the fight against Rick and Haruko in progress.
"WHOO, FREE BIRD!" Rick yelled as he fired bullets from his Rickenbacker at the robot. "WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!"
"CHAAAAANCE!" Haruko began shouting as the robot chased her around the throne room, causing colossal damage wherever she went as she fought the transforming car, all while the Diamonds continued watching the chaos.
"I should've known allying with Rick again was a bad idea." Yellow muttered in annoyance. "This is the Naru-10 incident all over again!"
"But Yellow, I believe they can change!" Pink begged the older Diamond. "They may be a bunch of weirdos who cause trouble wherever they go, but they're all each other have in the universe or any other. I've especially grown close to Haruko since I understand where she comes from."
"Perhaps you should hear Pink out and stop this before anyone gets hurt." Blue agreed with Pink, causing Yellow to groan in annoyance as she got up.
"Fine, I won't kill them if that makes anyone feel better." Yellow muttered while cracking her knuckles, making electricity course up and down her fingers. "I will, however, teach them a lesson they'll never forget." Yellow then took off with lightning speed towards the Medical Mechanica robot, smashing it to pieces under her foot and taking Rick, Haruko, & Repre by surprise.
"Dammit, Yellow, we had a deal!" Rick yelled angrily.
"OH MY GOD, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME; I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Repre shrieked like a coward while beginning to pray for mercy. "Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallow be thy name!"
"Must we always do this, Rick?" Yellow scolded the Flesh Curtains and their unwanted companion. "Everywhere you go, you do nothing but spread confusion and delay and make the lives of everyone around you worse because of it. Is that the life you want to live, Sanchez? Being nothing more than a toxic oaf?"
"At least I'm healthier to be around than you, you big bitchy banana!" Rick yelled before Yellow contained them all in a big, yellow bubble. "Where are you gonna send us?"
"The same place where all the naughty ones go, Rick," Yellow replied with a disdainful glare towards Pink, who looked away in shame while Haruko gazed at her newfound friend. "And by the way, we'll be taking your portal gun too."
"What?! NOOOO-" Rick screamed as Yellow Diamond sent the bubble away, silencing the panicking throne room as the Medical Machines were successfully dismantled.
"Man, Rick is just a pain in my neck." White Diamond complained before looking out at her subjects. "Unfortunately, everyone, the ball will now have to end early due to unforeseen interruptions. Return to your normal duties at once, please." She addressed the Gems' disappointment as they slowly began leaving in despair. "Now then, you said something about Rick's portal gun, Yellow?"
Meanwhile, in a dark tower overlooking most of Homeworld, the bubble containing the Flesh Curtains and Repre reappeared inside the tower before popping and sending the unlikely five falling to the ground.
"OW!" Haruko yelled in pain as she slowly got up and realized something furry was touching her butt. "Hey, you better not be copping a feel, Squanchy!"
"This isn't what it squanches like, it was an accident!" Squanchy said while Haruko sat on his arm.
"So, looks like I'm stuck here with you four idiots for now." Repre muttered with gritted teeth while propping his head in his hand. "Where are we, anyways?"
"This is the tower that Pink Diamond gets thrown into whenever she's being a little shit." Rick mused while sitting on the ground. "Yeah, in case you didn't realize it, Haruko, your big pink friend isn't taken very seriously because she's practically the equivalent of a teenager to the other Diamonds." This made Haruko freeze as she mentally compared Pink's situation to her life back on Wasprus. "Yeah, I'm sure this is reminding you of somebody."
"Yeah, my dad," Haruko muttered as she turned her head to gaze out one of the very high windows. "Hey Rick, you think in the vast unknown of the multiverse, there could be a universe out there where I had a better relationship with him?"
"Eh, what does it matter if there's a universe where your dad is a good person," Rick said in a bout of nihilism. "That's what I've learned in all my years of traveling dimensions. For every alternate universe where you're the most famous and successful person to have ever existed, there's always another where you're practically a nobody doomed to die with no one to remember you. Life itself is only a vision, a dream. Nothing exists; save empty space and you. And you are but a thought, kiddo."
"Wow, so interesting." Haruko muttered in amazement at Rick's philosophy.
"He doesn't really mean that. Rick is just using the belief that nothing truly matters as a defense mechanism." Birdperson tried to assure Haruko that she should avoid following a similar path to her father figure.
"Please, if I wanted to hear such pessimistic drivel, I'd have a conversation with Steve from human resources." Repre sighed with his head to the wall. "My master is not going to be happy with this failure."
"Let me guess, shitty boss?" Haruko asked, trying to relate to Repre. "Dude, same. You remember Heinzenberg, right? He was the worst!"
"Yes, Heinzenberg was very hard to please." Repre nodded in agreement, surprised that one of the rebels was trying to form a kinship of sorts with him. "Here's something you should know: I'm a clone of my master, so I have to live up to his expectations as his right-hand man and representative director. It can be quite taxing, though, especially with people like you making my job much harder for me."
Haruko then put a hand on Repre's shoulder, making him recoil in disgust as he was not used to being touched by the enemy in such a tender matter. But even so, Repre couldn't help but notice how genuine Haruko was being, making him come to a decision as he was forced to swallow his pride for once. "I suppose if we want a chance of making it out of this dimension alive, we have no choice but to join forces."
"Never thought I'd hear you say that, you whiny trust fund baby." Rick smirked at the representative director. "Okay, here's the plan. We may not have my portal gun, but we have something else to help us out here." He looked towards Birdperson and gave him a nod. Birdperson did the same before spreading his wings.
"Well, this was completely pointless." Repre muttered as he and Rick grabbed onto Birdperson's back. "Why did Yellow go to all the trouble of locking us up here when we know someone who can fly?!"
"Just quit whining, and let's get outta here." Haruko replied before Birdperson took off with a loud cawing sound, leaving the tower behind as the unlikely reluctant alliance began searching Homeworld for the portal gun while trying to avoid any Gems that might spot them escaping.
"So, how can we find your portal gun, Rick?" Repre asked. "I mean, you're a Rick; you're pretty much prepared for anything, right?"
"Quit reading my mind!" Rick said as he tapped his left temple, activating a scanner in his eye that began searching for the portal gun's whereabouts. As if by chance or luck, the portal gun was being transported by a squad of Rubies to a yellow building. "I know that place; that's where Yellow Diamond keeps her bubbled Gems!"
"Why would she squanch it in there?" Squanchy asked.
"Beats the hell out of me; now get lower, Birdperson!" Rick exclaimed as Birdperson soared towards the building just as the Rubies entered, leaving the door open long enough for them to break in without anyone noticing.
"Dammit, it could be in any of these bubbles." Repre muttered. "Which is supposed to be the one we're looking for?"
"There it is!" Haruko yelled while pointing at the bubble containing Rick's portal gun. "May I do the honors, Sanchez-senpai?"
"The floor's yours, Haru-chan!" Rick grinned before Haruko leaped up to the bubble like a frog and popped it, letting the portal gun drop back into Rick's hands.
"Hell yeah, now let's get outta here!" Rick declared excitedly.
"I think not, Rick." Yellow Diamond's voice announced forebodingly as the lights turned on, revealing Yellow sitting in the dark with her hands clasped together as she glared at the Flesh Curtains. "Going somewhere, my nihilist friend?"
"Oh, nowhere special, just taking back what's mine." Rick replied. "What do you want with my stuff anyways?"
"As a matter of fact, the empire has been interested in dabbling in dimensional travel, and you were the only one we knew had access to such knowledge," Yellow stated as she slowly got up to confront Rick. "I'd advise you to leave now if you value your life since you already escaped."
"Couldn't agree more!" Rick declared before he fired a portal at the door and jumped through. "See you around, Chiquita Banana!"
As the rest of Rick's motley crew jumped through the portal to escape, Yellow began giving orders. "Guards, after them!"
Elsewhere on Homeworld, another portal opened near the Rickstery Machine, and Rick, Haruko, Repre, Birdperson, and Squanchy got out, eager to finally get off Homeworld once and for all. "All right, let's blow this jewelry store and go home!"
"Wait just a second!" Repre stopped the crew before they could board their ship. "I, uh, I just wanted to say thanks for helping me out back there. I owe you guys my life."
"You cannot be serious." Birdperson said alarmingly as Yellow Diamond's forces began closing in on the band.
"Well, throw that life away and start a new one with us!" Haruko offered Repre while extending a hand in friendship to the representative director. "Who cares what that old fuddy-duddy makes you do? Maybe you can do something with your life for once, do whatever you want with no one holding you down! All you gotta do is take my hand."
Repre looked between his robot hand and Haruko's normal hand. All his life, Repre had to live up to his master's high expectations as his clone and right-hand man, like he was merely an extension of the Lord Superior Officer rather than his own person. Perhaps this could be his chance to break away from the life he knew and forge his own path. But then Repre realized that he was merely making everything up as he went along and wasn't interested in rebelling against his progenitor.
"I'm sorry, my dear, but I'm afraid I must decline." Repre declared before scratching Haruko on the arm, prompting Rick to come to the rescue by shooting Repre down with a ray gun. "What was that for?!"
"Misery, misery, misery." Rick shook his head in disgust. "My gang gave you friendship, and you spat in our faces! Were you making all that shit up about your boss's toxic expectations to get on our good side?!"
"Misery, you say? Your little band has caused me confusion and delay for the last time!" Repre shouted before the two revealed their weapons. Rick had his Rickenbacker, while Repre pulled out his lightsaber, which he revealed that it had a pair of crossguards as well.
"Compensating?" Rick snarked at Repre's lightsaber.
"For what?" Repre replied, not getting the joke.
"For your tiny dick." Rick laughed at the representative director's expense. "I mean, you chose the one with the crossguard out of all lightsabers? Wow, only a whiny emo daddy's boy with a dick smaller than a Patitite would have a weapon like that." Everyone then laughed at Repre's embarrassment. "See, they all get it!"
Repre then blushed angrily as he charged at Rick, and they clashed weapons, leaving Haruko, Birdperson, and Squanchy to keep the Gems from getting to the Rick-stery Machine. As the fight between the scientist and the representative director took to the skies, Rick noticed that a large Pin was slowly being inserted into Homeworld alongside a Medical Mechanica factory. "First the Boiling Isles and now this? What's the deal with all these Pins, chump?!"
"You may think this is simply a means to produce more robots, and it's true, but you'll learn what they're capable of quickly!" Repre boasted before swinging his lightsaber with utmost aggression and grace.
"Holy shit, is that Makashi style?" Rick asked about Repre's fighting style.
"Yes, learned it from Dooku himself." Repre bragged about his training before Rick used his brief display of confidence to find an opening and brain him in the head, sending the representative director flying down to the ground. "You said that nothing mattered in your years of traveling dimensions, correct?" Repre asked as he got up and was cornered by Rick on a bridge. "Tell me, what brought about such feelings, Rick?"
"Something did matter to me once, but it was taken away from me," Rick said while remembering how his wife and daughter were killed in an accident by an alternate version claiming to be the prime Rick. "I've built up these walls over the years to not lose anyone else again, and I don't want Haruko to go down the same path I'm on either!"
"You sure about that?" Repre said as he began to sow seeds of doubt in Rick's mind. "To be honest, I have a feeling she might have her eyes on another man. Perhaps a bird of unlimited power, to be precise?" Repre then gave Rick a smirk, and Rick responded to such things being said about his daughter figure by stabbing Repre with the neck of his guitar.
Back on the surface, Haruko went to town on all the Rubies, Jaspers, Amethysts, and Topazes sent out to recapture the band as she, Birdperson, and Squanchy held the line. "CHAAAANCE!" Haruko yelled as she fired bullets from her Flying V at some Amethysts, poofing them and reducing them to their gems in seconds. "Guess it's true what they say, diamonds are forever."
"Oh yeah, speaking of Diamonds, she's here!" Squanchy yelled as Yellow Diamond towered over the trio with a hand coursing with electricity to fire at them. "Maybe if we pretend to surrender, she'll let us go."
"Hardly, little feline." Yellow Diamond threatened. "Now then, any last words before I destroy you three?"
"Yeah, I got some." Haruko said before leaping high into the air and smacking Yellow in the face with her guitar, making the Diamond fall down. "STEE-TRIKE, YOU'RE OUT!"
"I wish I could've seen this coming, but I'm not a Sapphire." Yellow dryly commented as she collapsed on the ground, poofing numerous soldiers as Haruko got onboard the Rick-stery Machine after Birdperson and Squanchy before taking off. "After her!"
"Come on guys, we gotta help Rick!" Haruko yelled as she handled the Machine's controls and drove the spaceship around Homeworld like a crazy person. "Running in the nineties, it is a new way I like to be!" she began singing as she drove, narrowly dodging enemy fire and causing more damage along the way. "I'm just running in the nineties! Come on, baby, run to me!"
"Aw squanch yeah, Tokyo drift!" Squanchy cheered before Birdperson got in the way and took control away from Haruko.
"Let's be serious for a moment, we need to get Rick and the portal gun back," Birdperson said as he set the Rick-stery Machine on course towards Rick and Repre's duel, but not before he turned to discover Haruko staring up at him with big, pleading puppy-dog eyes and her hands clasped innocently together. "Fine. If it makes you feel any better, I can run over Repre if you'd like."
"Yippee!" Haruko cheered excitedly as the Rick-stery Machine steered towards Rick.
"It's over, Repre; I have the high ground!" Rick boasted to Repre while standing just a few feet above the representative director, who stood defiantly on the ledge beneath the scientist.
"You underestimate my power!" Repre yelled as he lunged towards Rick with his lightsaber, ready for one final attack.
"Don't try it." Rick growled as he turned to notice the Rick-stery Machine heading his way. "Because I have a flight to catch!" He then pulled out the Rickenbacker and used it to chop Repre's mechanical arm off midflight, making Medical Mechanica's second-in-command drop his jaw in horror as he lost his grip on his lightsaber before the Rick-stery Machine smashed into him, causing Repre to fall out of the sky and towards the darkest depths of Homeworld.
"CURSE YOU RICK SAAAAANCHEEEEEEZ!" Repre screamed angrily while shaking his remaining fist in vengeance before an N.O. portal swallowed him up mere moments before he could violently hit the ground while Rick jumped into the Rick-stery Machine to reunite with the gang.
"Oh yeah, wubba lubba dub dub, totally nailed it!" Rick cheered as he got onboard the band's ship, just as Haruko greeted him with a hug.
"Rick, did you see me there? I beat the shit out of Yellow Diamond!" Haruko asked excitedly.
"Hot damn, you did?! Good for you, sweetheart!" Rick replied as they broke apart, and Rick took the wheel. "Okay, gang, now that we have the portal gun back, let's get outta this damn jewelry store!"
"Uh, one problem, Rick." Squanchy said, bringing everyone's attention to the numerous Gem ships surrounding them. "WE'RE SQUANCHING SURROUNDED!"
"I've had enough of your games, Rick Sanchez. Surrender at once or die!" Yellow Diamond yelled from her yellow arm-shaped ship. "I swear, this has been one of the worst days of my life, thanks to you!"
"Yeah, I'm really starting to hate you and your shitty planet too, Yellow." Rick belched derisively. "Okay, guys, I know of a way out of this; you just gotta trust me on this one."
"We'll follow you every step of the way, Rick." Haruko declared, making Birdperson grimace with concern for the girl as Rick plugged his portal gun into the ship's console and began cranking his miniature dimensional travel device into overdrive. "So where are we going with this?"
"Who the hell knows?!" Rick laughed maniacally as he took the wheel while the portal fluid coursed through the Rick-stery Machine, causing it to vanish in a blinding flash of green light and leaving no evidence that the Flesh Curtains were even there.
In another flash of green light, the Rick-stery Machine suddenly lost power as it reappeared in the middle of a strange jungle-like area. As the Flesh Curtains stumbled out of the Machine, Rick continued laughing like a madman. "HAHAHA, WE DID IT! OH, SWEET BABY JESUS, WE DID IT!"
"What did we do?" Birdperson asked while looking around the area. "And where are we?"
"Hm, seems like Dimension M-204." Rick burped as he unplugged the portal gun to check their location, only to realize that his daredevil stunt had drained the device of its portal fluid. "Well, shit. Portal fluid's all out, meaning we'll be stuck here for a while until I can make more."
"Get your stinkin' paws off me, you damn dirty apes!" Haruko yelled as Rick saw that she was being harassed by a pair of monkeys, one of whom had red fur and one of which had yellow fur. "Rick, the monkeys won't leave me alone!"
"Where did these guys come from?" Squanchy asked. "Oh squanch, are these some of Caesar's guys?!"
"I don't think so, Squanchy; Caesar's clan isn't quite so colorful." Birdperson observed the two monkeys as Rick got out of the Rick-stery Machine.
"Hey, get off my daughter figure, you crazy chimps!" Rick yelled at the monkeys before he slowly began to recognize them. "Wait a second, I recognize those colors!" Picking up the yellow monkey, Rick began looking over the strangely-colored simian's fur before he came to a conclusion. "That jokin' son of a bitch, I'd recognize his work anywhere!"
"Who? Who are you talking about?" Haruko asked Rick as the band heard a rustling in the bushes, causing the two monkeys to chatter in excitement as a figure in a blue robe approached the Flesh Curtains.
"Sparx, Nova, there you two are." The man said with a warm smile as he collected the monkeys. "Well well, Rick Sanchez. I never thought I'd see you again."
Elsewhere, in a far off dimension within the Central Finite Curve, the Citadel of Ricks floated peacefully, inhabited by alternate versions of Rick Sanchez from across infinite realities where he is the smartest man alive. And one of those Ricks, a ripperdoc from Dimension C-2077, was hard at work on a particularly loud patient.
"MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP!" Repre screamed in agony as the ripperdoc Rick fitted him with a new mechanical arm where Rick had chopped it off in their duel on Homeworld, while the Lord Superior Officer looked on with a disappointed look on his face. "Please, master, I promise I'll be good! Just have mercy on me!"
"Jesus poledancing on the cross, I can't work like this while you're screaming like a little bitch!" Ripperdoc Rick complained without a shred of empathy for Repre before showing Demido his clone's new arm. "How's it look?"
"Exemplary work, I'd expect no less from a denizen of C-2077." The Lord Superior Officer smiled with satisfaction before frowning at his second in command. "Let this be a lesson to you, Repre. I won't tolerate any more failures of this capacity. I only rescued you from falling to your death because you still have a part to play, but if you fall out of line again. Well, to give you an idea." To demonstrate, Demido picked up a discarded piece of cyberware and crushed it in his hand. "Am I clear?"
"Yes, sir." Repre groaned in defeat before Ripperdoc Rick returned to work on his arm, causing the representative director to scream in pain yet again. "Please tell me it'll be over soon!"
"I believe he's had enough." Demido calmly said to Ripperdoc Rick.
"Yeah, I'm just about done with this guy anyway. He won't stop pissing all over my good chair." Ripperdoc Rick replied as he finished his work and allowed Repre to get back up. "Okay, that'll be fifty thousand blemflarcks. And that check better not bounce, Locutus!"
"How about some Kalaxian crystals instead?" Demido smirked as he bribed the ripperdoc with the hallucinogenic rocks, making the doc's eyes widen in excitement as he ground them into dust and snorted them up.
"Oh hell yeah, my spice is flowing, dawg!" Ripperdoc Rick yelled excitedly as his mind expanded, his eyes turned blue, and he got a rock-hard erection. "Ooh, I feel like jacking off right now! Gotta go!"
"You Ricks never cease to crack me up." Demido rolled his eyes as Ripperdoc Rick scampered off to pleasure himself during his drug high. "Tell me, my son, how do you feel after that?"
"I don't think I'm going to be moving my arms after a while," Repre grumbled as the pain began to subside. "Why did you bring me to the Citadel of Ricks, though? You could've just left me to die!"
"You'll learn once I bring you to the Council." The Lord Superior Officer said as he ushered his representative director out of the clinic and through the citadel. Repre cringed at the vast ocean of Ricks and their Morties that he had to wade through while following his boss to their chosen destination.
Eventually, the big two of Medical Mechanica made their stop at the headquarters of the Council of Ricks, the overseers of Citadel society and of all Ricks in the multiverse, where they would be ushered into the building by a group of Rick guards.
"State your name and business, visitor." One of the Ricks ordered.
"I am Demido Kuriya, Lord Superior Officer of Medical Mechanica." Demido introduced himself. "This is my right-hand man and representative director, Repre S. Entative. We come here seeking an audience with the Council of Ricks."
"Right this way, sir." The Rick said, leading the duo to the five Ricks the guards worked for, who all had individualized hairstyles making them stand out from the rest.
"Mighty Council of Ricks, I am Demido Kuriya." Demido declared as he kneeled before the Council. "My right-hand man and I come to you seeking your guidance in regards to a certain Rick we've been following for some time and wish to deliver to you."
"Yes, Rick C-137, we've heard." Riq IV stated. "You've told us about how he's interfering with your grand plans to capture the Pirate King Atomsk in order to fulfill your dark desires for control over all sentient beings that have ever lived, ever will live, ever had lived, yadda yadda."
"And he has done nothing but humiliate me and make me question my status!" Repre added angrily. "If there is any help you could offer us, I'm begging for it!"
"I believe we can." Riq IV said before he pressed a button to reveal a portal gun on a pedestal. "By the power vested in me as a member of the Council of Ricks, we bestow upon you a portal gun to allow for a wider range of dimensions to travel to. In addition, we specifically modified it to allow you to zero in on C-137's current location. Use this wisely."
"Oh yes, we shall!" Repre said eagerly as he took the portal gun, excited to regain his honor before a Medical Machine burst through one of the headquarters' windows and landed in a typical superhero fashion. "And what do you want?"
The Medical Machine then displayed a message in a strange language that only the Lord Superior Officer seemed to understand. But when he translated it, Demido was very elated with what he was reading. "They found Atomsk."
"Well, well, well, never thought I'd see you again!" Rick smirked in Dimension M-204 as the mystery man stood before the Flesh Curtains, revealing pale grey skin and heterochromatic eyes, his left eye being light blue and his right eye being red, and a pointed goatee. "So, this your little pet project now?"
"Rick, who is this dude?" Haruko asked regarding the strange man that Rick apparently has a history with.
"Oh, pardon me for not telling you guys earlier." Rick laughed as he walked towards his cloaked friend. "Al, I'd like you to meet my band, the Flesh Curtains. Everybody, meet the Alchemist."
Notes:
And that's where we shall end things off for now. Rick and the band may be stranded in the world of Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go during the time before the kindly Alchemist became the villainous Skeleton King, but they'll be back to playing music and causing chaos soon enough with such a genius who combines science and magic by their side. In the meantime, Medical Mechanica veers ever so closer to Atomsk, which can only mean bad news for the multiverse at large. What dimensions will Rick and Haruko explore next, how much will Rick's bad influence increase, and how will it all lead up to Fooly Falls? You'll just have to stay tuned!
Chapter 4: Squanch and Loathing
Notes:
Author's Note: At long last, we're back! So sorry to keep you waiting. Last we left Haruko Haruhara and Rick Sanchez, the Flesh Curtains managed to escape Repre S. Entative on the Gem Homeworld, but now they're left stranded on the planet Shuggazoom for the time being, but thankfully, an old acquaintance of Rick might be able to help them back on their feet. In the meantime, Medical Mechanica has formed an alliance with the Council of Ricks to bring in Rick and Atomsk, and they've already zeroed in on the Pirate King's location. What new dimensions will our motley crew discover? You'll just have to wait and see!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Rick and Haruko
Chapter 4: Squanch and Loathing
"That's it, Haru-san, you're getting better." Rihanna Raharu said as she taught her ten-year-old daughter Haruha how to play the guitar. "See, you didn't need to be so hard on yourself."
"I know, but I want to be as good as you!" Haruha exclaimed. "But sometimes I feel like I won't ever be good enough!"
"You won't know how good you'll be until you try," Rihanna warmly advised. Here, let me show you a few more tricks." Haruha always loved these tender family moments, whether spending time with her mom or sleeping with her Dad in his favorite chair.
Then, Medical Mechanica took her family away and ruined what she had left of it. And Haruko will do anything to get her revenge. No matter the cost.
"So, let me get this straight: you're raising monkeys to turn into some bizarro superhero team?!" Rick asked the Alchemist one afternoon on Shuggazoom. "What the hell kind of shrooms do they grow on this planet that gave you this idea, and where can I get some?"
"You may think my plans are ridiculous, Sanchez, but I assure you, it's for a good cause." The Alchemist stated as he worked on a drill-like weapon. "There will come a day when I and my good friend Captain Shuggazoom will no longer be able to protect our planet. Thus, I shall leave everything to what I call the Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce."
"That's seriously what you call them?!" Rick laughed derisively. "What are you, creating a team of defenders of the planet or a toy line?" While he was laughing, however, Rick suddenly discovered that a little blue monkey grabbed his portal gun and then closely examined the device's inner workings. "Hey, get away from my portal gun, you little hairball! I swear to God, if you start throwing your shit at me, I'm gonna throw a fit!"
"Now, Gibson, give the nice man his machine back; he needs it to leave this planet." The Alchemist gently scolded the blue monkey, who ooked in reply and handed the portal gun back to Rick. "Sorry, Rick, GBSN23 here loves to tinker. I think he gets it from me."
"I can see that," Rick commented before he noticed Birdperson entering the laboratory. "Hey, Birdperson, I've been wondering where you were!"
"Yes, the sound of your mocking laughter is easy to identify," Birdperson replied before a black monkey and a green monkey started climbing all over him. "I see you've acquainted yourself with the Alchemist's little projects. Personally, I can see why he chose monkeys as his subjects, considering how close they are to humans. However, I also hope you're looking after them well."
"No need to worry; I have everything under control." The Alchemist replied. "That reminds me. Where are those other two off to, Squanchy and Haruko, I believe?"
"Oh, them?" Rick answered. "I let them run off and play with Squanchy's motorbike in the jungle. Hopefully, they don't get into any trouble."
"Though knowing us, trouble will certainly find them." Birdperson added, only to feel something dirty and squishy under his foot. "Oh no, don't tell me."
"You're stepping in monkey shit." Rick smirked at Birdperson's expense as the two realized he stepped in poop.
"Oh dear, not again." The Alchemist sighed as he prepared to clean up the poop. "My apologies, Birdperson, this just happens sometimes."
"Okay, which one of you was it?" Rick asked a red monkey and an orange monkey, who started pointing accusing fingers at each other.
Meanwhile, Squanchy spent his free time exploring the jungle, where the Alchemist had made his base of operations on Shuggazoom. In times like this, when he, Rick, Birdperson, and Haruko weren't playing concerts or running from the authorities for their crimes, he often found it nice to relax and take in the scenery around him. However, he also possessed some spare parts he borrowed from the Alchemist's workshop to repair the Rick-stery Machine and help Haruko with something she's been working on.
"Here you go, Haruko." Squanchy said while handing the parts over to Haruko. "Took me a while to find all this squanchin' trash, since the Alchemist had so many."
"Now, let's see what we have here," Haruko muttered as she examined Squanchy's loot, but one piece of junk caught the pink-haired guitarist's eye. "Handlebars?! Hello old friend, I haven't seen you in ages!" she cheered excitedly while dancing around with the handlebars over her head. "Where have you been? I'm never letting go of you again, not ever!"
"Sheesh, why don't you two get a room?" Squanchy rolled his eyes with a smirk as he turned back to find more parts.
Later that afternoon, as Squanchy returned with more parts, he found Haruko dressed up in a white tank top with a matching and an orange jumpsuit with the upper portion tied around her waist as she inspected his Vespa scooter. "Zawa, this is all banged up. This sucks." Haruko complained as she held a broken part in her hand before she was struck in the back by an incoming wheel, causing her to drop everything and flail her arms around in fright. "Okay, who just did that, what do you want?!" Haruko cried while gathering all the parts she had dropped and protectively wrapped them in her arms. "You can't take these; they're mine! You hear me?!"
"Gee Haruko, chill the squanch out, it's just me," Squanchy said before the wheel rolled to a stop and clattered at her feet.
"WAUGH, DO MINE EYES DECEIVE ME?!" Haruko yelled in surprise at the wheel before picking it up to examine it.
"You know, you can squanch it if you want." Squanchy shrugged in amusement at Haruko's wild reactions as she peeked out from under the wheel.
"What, you mean it?" Haruko asked.
"Yeah, the wheel and my Vespa. I can get you more once I find some." Squanchy replied. "I see you're getting pretty attached to that thing."
"But the wheel has steel in it." Haruko answered. "Don't you need it for the Rick-stery machine?"
"The steel in the rim is unusable." Squanchy explained. "Basically, it's something that I'm not able to use."
"Something you are not able to use?" Haruko repeated quizzically.
"Oh no," Squanchy responded. "I didn't squanch it like that at all." He let out a sigh as he looked up at the sky. "So, I know the Vespa ain't in the best shape, but maybe we could go for a little afternoon squanch. What do you say?"
"Wait, you don't mean what I think you mean," Haruko asked, resisting the urge to laugh at any possible connotations.
"I meant an afternoon drive, you ninny!" Squanchy laughed out loud. "Ya see, I have this whole thing where my people and I replace certain words with squanch. For example, when I say afternoon squanch, I mean afternoon drive."
"Neat. Let me give it a shot." Haruko replied. "I squanch being with you guys." Much to Haruko's confusion, Squanchy's eyes widened in shock as his furry little jaw dropped. "What's with the look on your face? Seen a gentleman ghost or something? I just said I squanch being with you guys."
"Eh, I think that's enough for now." Squanchy laughed awkwardly as he and Haruko hopped on the Vespa. "Hi-ho Silver, away!" As the duo zoomed off to parts unknown on the motor-scooter, Rick just so happened to arrive at the spot where they previously were.
"Haruko, Squanchy, where the hell are you guys?!" Rick hollered with a burp. "Come on; Al was gonna help us fix the Rick-stery Machine!" Just then, Rick looked down at the spare parts Squanchy and Haruko had left behind. "Well, at least they left some parts for us to use."
As Rick picked up the parts and left, a green portal, not unlike the ones he creates with his portal gun, opened in the middle of the jungle, and out of it stepped Repre S. Entative and Demido Kuriya. "According to the coordinates on this portal gun, this should be the dimension where the Flesh Curtains are currently residing," Repre stated while examining the device in his hands. "But here's a problem: they seem to be going in two directions simultaneously. One seems to be going much faster, though; perhaps they're fleeing at the mere idea of reencountering us!"
"So, where do you think we should go?" Demido asked. "Personally, I'd go follow the one heading deeper into the jungle. Perhaps once we find Rick there, we may find a greater bounty with this Alchemist he's meeting with."
"Forget that; we're heading to the city!" Repre disagreed excitedly as he created another portal and dragged Demido through it.
"So, what's this he's doing with monkeys now?" Haruko asked Squanchy as the two stood atop a skyscraper in Shuggazoom City.
"I have no squanching idea why he's doing this either, but I gotta admire how earnest he is about it," Squanchy replied.
"Oh-yo-yo-yoh?" Haruko muttered. "I mean, why's he even doing this to these monkeys, though?"
"Beats me. Rick told me he's sometimes heard the Alchemist talking about Dark Ones or whatever." Squanchy said before Haruko offered him a burger that seemed to have its content hovering in midair. "Huh?"
"Want one of these hoverburgers I found?" Haruko suggested, already having a hoverburger stuck in her mouth. "They're like regular burgers, but they float. Not sure how they'll taste, but try one and see what happens."
"Well, if you say so." Squanchy shrugged as he took a bite out of the burger while gazing into the distance, where the two could make out the distinct shape of a Medical Mechanica factory installed outside the city. "Oh dang, look at the size of that squanching thing! Guess that means Medical Mechanica isn't too far behind!"
"Pisses me off," Haruko grumbled as she spat out her burger, thinking back to bad memories of when she worked for Medical Mechanica. "Pisses me off so bad, man! They already took over my planet; what do they want with this one?!"
"Worst case scenario, they abduct the Alchemist and force his monkeys to work for them," Squanchy said while a pair of silhouettes emerged from behind them. "Guess we should go back to Rick and Birdperson so we can skedaddle outta here!"
"Funny, we were just thinking you would do the same thing." The familiar voice of Repre S. Entative called out to the duo as he and the Lord Superior Officer loomed over the pair of Flesh Curtains. "Hello again, Haruko Haruhara. Oh, and her little furry friend, too. Fancy meeting you here."
"What do you bastards want now?!" Haruko groaned in annoyance. "I swear, you guys just piss me off every time I see you!"
"What do you think, you two?" Demido Kuriya stated. "Thanks to this portal gun granted to us by the Council of Ricks, we can now travel across universes in an instant, a far more environmentally conscious alternative to using Neural Omniscience energy to teleport from world to world. And guess what? We've been using it to track you, too."
"Neural Omniscience, or N.O, uses the left and right brain's distinct thought processes to open up an interdimensional channel capable of transporting things," Repre explained. "sometimes from light-years away in-"
"Okay, nerd, shut up!" Haruko rudely interrupted the representative director's explanation of N.O. energy by smacking him so hard with her Rickenbacker that he flew like a rocket into Shuggazoom's orbit.
"LOOKS LIKE I'M BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAAIN!" Repre shrieked as he got further away from the planet, eventually turning into nothing more than a twinkle in the sky. The LSO simply rolled his eyes at his right-hand man's swift defeat.
"So you sent my son into orbit, bravo!" Demido sarcastically applauded while clapping his hands. "I hope you're not too proud of yourself there, little girl! Now then, allow me to say this once, Vespa." He then grabbed Haruko by the neck with his mechanical arm and squeezed it tight as a way to torture her into giving him what he wanted. "Where is Sanchez?!"
"I'll never tell!" Haruko squeaked as the Lord Superior Officer's grip on her throat tightened. "You know, if you wanted to choke me out, you could've just asked! Don't try threatening me with a good time!"
"I see Rick is starting to rub off on you, little one." Demido sneered. "Unfortunately, it seems you won't live long enough to see him again if you don't speak up."
"Haruko!" Squanchy cried as he raced towards his friend before someone stopped the feline alien in his tracks.
"Not today, villain!" a superhero with a white costume, a black and orange cape, an orange scarf, and a metallic helmet declared as he appeared seemingly out of nowhere to save Haruko. "Let the young lady go, or you'll have to answer to me, Captain Shuggazoom!"
"Hey, where did Kamen Rider here come from?" Haruko choked raspily as the Lord Superior Officer finally let go of her neck.
"I suppose you must be those friends of Rick Sanchez that my dear friend the Alchemist told me about." Captain Shuggazoom stated just as Repre crashed back into the ground from his brief trip into space. "I advise you to leave the area immediately; I shall handle things from here."
"Don't worry, I can provide a little help." Haruko smirked as she presented a small black orb, much to Captain Shuggazoom's confusion.
"What is this?" the good captain muttered.
"Is that ohagi?" Repre asked before the orb suddenly turned into a swarm of flies that caused Repre to flail his arms in a panic as the bugs covered his body. "AGH, IT'S FLIES, THEY'RE ALL FLIES, FLIES EVERYWHERE, NOT THE FLIES, GET 'EM OFF! AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH! OH THEY'RE IN MY EYES, MY EEEEEYES!"
"Just a little something I've been cooking up on the side!" Haruko exclaimed as she hopped on the Vespa and sped off with Squanchy. "Okay, I love you, bye-bye!"
"Squanch yours, Medics!" Squanchy added while flipping the Lord Superior Officer and his representative director off as the LSO fought Captain Shuggazoom, and Repre continued stumbling around with the flies in his eyes.
"Come on, where are those two assholes?!" Rick complained while pacing around the outside of the Alchemist's lab. "I just got word that Medical Mechanica is here, and I'm getting worried!"
"Do not fret, Rick. I informed Captain Shuggazoom, and he should have things covered." The Alchemist said assuredly. "Judging by how uneased you feel right now, I should assume that this Medical Mechanica is not something to be trifled with."
"Indeed, Alchemist." Birdperson nodded. "Medical Mechanica began life as a startup tech company that quickly grew in power across numerous universes to suppress all individual thought in the multiverse. At least, that's the official story, anyways. I have a sneaking suspicion they're hiding something much darker."
Just then, Haruko and Squanchy returned to the lab, having just escaped Medical Mechanica's grasp and ready to finally leave this dimension. "Hey guys, anything we missed?" Squanchy asked.
"Yo!" Haruko declared. "We're not interrupting anything, are we meow?"
"Yo, what up, my glip-glops?!" Rick yelled excitedly. "Goddamn, I was getting worried for a sec! Come on, Medical Mechanica is after us. We gotta go! Now!"
"Hey, cool your jets, Doctor Who. I kept them a little distracted for a while," Haruko snickered. "Guess you could say I gave those a little." She then put on some sunglasses she conjured from nowhere. "Fly in their soup."
"YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" the yellow monkey in Birdperson's arms shrieked as if punctuating Haruko's cheesy one-liner.
"Thanks, Nova." Haruko said while petting Nova's furry little head. "You know, you kinda remind me of me in a way. Little rapscallion always causing chaos, yet you got a good heart deep down."
"I highly doubt that." Birdperson snarked. "Now come on, we need to leave."
"Yeah, save the funny one-liners for the next dimension we go to!" Rick said as he took Haruko by the arm and dragged her to the Rick-stery Machine. "Okay, Al, sorry to cut our meeting short, but my band and I gotta bounce to our next gig quickly! Good luck with those monkeys!"
"Farewell, Rick Sanchez, until we meet again!" the Alchemist gave a warm farewell as Rick and the band departed Shuggazoom through a green portal before his expression turned sour, and he started hearing the voices of the Dark Ones in his head again. "Though I fear I will not be the man you once knew should our paths cross again."
Meanwhile, the monkeys began gathering around a large black monolith in the middle of nowhere carved in the shape of Rick's Rickenbacker guitar. They started hooting and hollering in delight at their strange new discovery. In particular, the yellow monkey was fascinated by the stone guitar, as if she felt connected to it. Whether she would dwell on this is best left to the future.
Wealth. Fame. Power. Gol D. Roger, the king of the pirates, attained this and everything else that Dimension D-722 had to offer upon completing his long journey to the mysterious island of Laugh Tale. Before he was set to be executed, Roger's final words sent countless souls to the sea in search of his legendary treasure. "You want my treasure? You can have it!" Roger responded to an eager spectator about the location of the One Piece with a devious smile on his face, the last face he would ever wear. "I left everything I own in one place. Now you just have to find it!" Thus began the Great Pirate Era, where pirates from across the four oceans of the world set out to the very end of the Grand Line to make their hopes and dreams come true.
As the Rick-stery Machine sailed across the East Blue while transformed into a pirate ship, Haruko sat at the Rick-shaped figurehead as she gazed out in wonder of the vast, seemingly endless ocean before her. She knew the multiverse was full of infinite possibilities, but seeing an ocean this big made her mind run wild about what could be out there beyond the ship she lived on. The wide-open sea, the breeze hitting her face, the sun shining down on her, this was everything Haruko dreamed about. It was almost like home before Medical Mechanica took it over.
"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me." Haruko sang cheerfully as she gazed out at the endless beyond while Rick steered the ship, Birdperson served as lookout, and Squanchy stood ready to weigh anchor at any given moment. "So guys, which island are we going to? Maybe we can check out Whole Cake Island, Dressrosa, or Loguetown, or maybe we can go all the way to Laugh Tale and find the One Piece!"
"Don't get too excited, Haruko; we're only visiting a small island on the East Blue that nobody will miss," Birdperson answered while looking at the map in his hands. "We'll be heading to Canfodd Island for our next show. Nothing amazing ever happens there; everything is ordinary; you'll probably forget everything that happens by the time we leave."
"Don't worry, though; I'm sure we'll be able to get some treasure." Rick said as he unfurled a piece of paper, revealing it as a wanted poster depicting a man with bright red hair and a bounty worth 1,040,000,000. "This guy is Red Haired Shanks, one of the most powerful pirates in the world. Some say he even served under the Pirate King Gold Roger once upon a time! If we get this guy's bounty, we'll be filthy stinking rich! Wubba lubba dub dub!"
"Yeah, wubba lubba dub dub!" Haruko cheered while Birdperson shook his head in dismay. He and many others had tried warning Haruko multiple times about how Rick might be a bad influence on her, but it seemed she still wasn't listening. Or maybe she refused to listen because something more sinister was afoot. Whatever the reason, Birdperson had to keep his beak shut for the time being before he noticed the winds changing.
"Everyone, I believe I can see Canfodd Island dead ahead!" Birdperson exclaimed.
"WOO, LAND HO!" Squanchy cheered. "Come on, gang, let's show this boring island how to have a little fun!"
As the Rick-stery Machine began sailing towards Canfodd Island, little did the Flesh Curtains know that someone else was also visiting this dimension, albeit for more sinister reasons.
Elsewhere, in a massive castle on the island of Mariejois, the Lord Superior Officer stood in a room with five well-dressed old men, with Repre S. Entative standing next to a large middle-aged man in a red suit while he picked flies out of his teeth. "Uh, so many flies." Repre groaned as he removed the flies and flicked them onto the man's body, which incinerated on impact.
"I consider it an honor and a pleasure that you made the time to see me today, Five Elders." Lord Kuriya announced gladly. "I'm sure, as the supreme rulers of this world, you must be very busy men, so I apologize if our meeting runs a little longer than expected."
"Enough brownnosing, sir. Give us one good reason why you have brought us here before you today." One of the old men, Saint Jaygarcia Saturn, interrupted Demido's groveling.
"Right, apologies," Demido stated as he presented a hologram of Rick and Haruko. "These two are Haruha "Haruko Haruhara" Raharu of Dimension GFL-618 and Richard Sanchez C-137. They are the leaders of a criminal rock band known as the Flesh Curtains, which have been bedeviling my forces for quite a while now. I have reason to believe your dimension is their next target. If left unchecked, their chaos shall tear your world order apart."
"Could they perhaps be more dangerous than Roger?" Saint Marcus Mars, another one of the Five Elders, commented tersely while stroking his long beard.
"Nonsense! What damage could an old man and a teenage girl cause?!" Marcus's compatriot Saint Topman Warcury inquired.
"Regardless, whatever this duo may be capable of, we need to be on our guard if our guest here is anything to go by." Saint Ethanbaron V. Nusjaro added. "We shall allow him access to our resources to further his goals. But make no mistake, we only do this to protect our world. Whatever you have planned for us, we refuse to take part in it."
"I suppose we have a deal then," Saint Shepherd Ju Peter said as he shook hands with Demido Kuriya, unaware that Demido had ordered his forces to install a Medical Mechanica factory buried deep beneath the ocean, where no one would find it until it was too late. Akainu, we shall place our guests in your capable hands."
"You have my word, sirs." Vice Admiral Sakazuki, better known by his alias Akainu, bowed compliantly to his masters while Repre continued picking flies out of his teeth, which Akainu found very annoying. "Can you please stop throwing flies at me?"
"Hey, let's see you try not to get hit in the face with a tiny fly bomb!" Repre shouted back indignantly.
Elsewhere, deep within the castle, a tall humanoid cloaked in shadow sat on a throne surrounded by nineteen weapons and gazed contemplatively towards the distance, having overheard the Five Elders' conversation with Medical Mechanica through their unique telepathic powers, now knowing of Rick and Haruko's presence in this world. However, they seemed to take an interest in Haruko in particular, almost like she reminded them of someone. With her free spirit, defiance towards authority figures, playful and wanderlust nature that seemed so attractive to so many people, and her penchant for causing chaos wherever she went in search of fun and adventure, it seemed like she could be a dead ringer for…..
"Joy Boy."
Canfodd was just as dull as Haruko was told it would be. Everything seemed too gray and dreary, giving her an uncomfortable reminder of Wasprus before its destruction. However, with the Flesh Curtains' presence, they could bring a little color to this island with their music.
"HELLO CANFODD ISLAND! CAN I GET A WHAT WHAT?!" Rick yelled to his audience, who didn't do anything he said, much to his disappointment. "Fine, keep being boring. But you won't be bored for long once we play some sick-ass tunes! And don't go away cause our guitarist here is eager to perform a solo! Come on out, Haruko Haruhara!"
As if on cue, fog began rolling in onstage, making the audience slightly interested as a silhouette of Haruko emerged, illuminated by the bright stage lights. "Well, well, well, what have we here?" she purred. "Just a bunch of BITCHES READY TO HAVE THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES!" The fog then immediately faded away, allowing Haruko to present herself in full while clad in a Playboy bunny costume. "Stars in the heavens! Flowers on the Earth! Love to the people! Warrior of Love, I am Haruko Haruhara!" And, for the first time since Haruko first came ashore, the ordinarily dour people of Canfodd started cheering brightly. "NOW ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!"
"YEAH!" the islanders yelled back.
"Oh yeah, now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!" Haruko yelled excitedly while tuning up her guitar. "You ready, boys?!"
"You have the slightest idea how little that squanches it down?!" Squanchy cried. "WE ARE THE FLESH CURTAINS! ONE, TWO, THREE, SQUANCH!" At Squanchy's cue, the Flesh Curtains began playing for their captive audience.
"Birth and growth, a low altitude flight. A discovery grasped tightly in my hand." Haruko started singing.
"Our cells are bootleg, our companion roulette. An advantage of being born in circles." Rick added.
"We will go on with our beloved Darwin!" Birdperson declared before the song's chorus kicked in.
"Never evolving, we're in the midst of returning to our origins!" the trio sang together. "We brag with ambiguity as our weapon! Rebo-o-o-o-rn to spiky seeds!" The audience began cheering as the first part of the song concluded. Not too far away, however, trouble would soon come in the form of a Marine ship sailing towards Canfodd.
"You've got to be kidding me!" Akainu growled while spying on the concert through binoculars that were melting in his hands from how angry he was getting. "They're playing music for them?! That's why we should fear these intruders?!"
"I'll give these guys this, I quite like their music." Aokiji, one of Akainu's fellow vice admirals, remarked while lazily leaning against the ship's mast. "If we're lucky, I can get a Tone Dial from them."
"You lied to us!" Akainu roared as he held Demido and Repre's necks in a vicelike grip, his arms turning into magma. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you both right now!"
"Now, now, Sakazuki, calm down, please." Kizaru, a tall man wearing a pair of fancy sunglasses, tried easing his fellow vice admiral's violent outburst, albeit somewhat sarcastically. "These criminals are having a concert; ooh, how terrifying! What else could they do next? Steal forty cakes? That's as many as four tens, and that's terrible."
"This is no time for jokes, Borsalino; what could these two be hiding?" Akainu grumbled as he dropped his two would-be victims onto the deck.
"You can suspect us of as much treason as you want, but you should also know who the true enemy is here." Demido proclaimed while dusting off his cloak and jacket. "As I am sure your superiors have informed you, Rick is one of the smartest individuals to have ever existed in any dimension in the multiverse, while Haruko's eccentric and violent nature is only exacerbated by her desire for the multiversal singularity known as Atomsk, which only makes her even more dangerous."
"He is indeed correct." Kizaru agreed with Demido. "Maintaining Medical Mechanica's agenda is our top priority."
"Yes, we shall take them by surprise and use the resulting chaos to our advantage!" Repre said eagerly. "And I will personally make Rick and Haruko pay for making me, Repre S. Entative, Medical Mechanica's most beloved and competent employee, look like an utter buffoon! I will prove to them that I am capable of far more than just a reoccurring threat for them to humiliate every week; I will be their worst nightmare!"
"It looks like he has something to prove," Aokiji dryly commented as Repre continued ranting.
"It's his insecurities and superiority complex fueling his desires to live up to my expectations as a clone of myself." Demido casually said, causing Aokiji's eyes to nearly pop out of his skull as he gave the Lord Superior Officer a funny look.
"Damage and recovery, a daring game of survival." Haruko continued singing for her captive fans. "A once-in-a-lifetime adventure!"
"Succession and descent, a lofty calling." Rick added as he played along with Haruko's singing. "The unchallenged position we've longed for."
"This is no time to be yawning!" Birdperson declared.
"Tonight is the night for the century plant to bloom proudly in full glory!" the trio sang the chorus together. "We'll give our first and final cry! Rebo-o-o-o-rn to spiky seeds!"
"Stand ready for our arrival, worms!" Repre boomed from a distance, suddenly interrupting the concert as the Marine ship docked at Canfodd, and he disembarked alongside Demido, Akainu, Aokiji, and Kizaru. "Make way for the homo-superior, you pretty things."
"Sheeeeeeeeiiiiiiit." Rick and Haruko declared in unison, dragging their profanity out for added emphasis on how screwed they were.
"Oh, what a terrible turn of events!" Repre said in overdramatic faux surprise before he smiled a wicked sneer. "I love a terrible turn of events."
"The Vespa Woman and the mad scientist, we meet at last." Akainu scowled. "Mr. Kuriya here has warned of how dangerous you can be, but so far, I do not understand what the hype is all about."
"Hey, nice outfit there, good-looking." Aokiji nonchalantly made a pass at Haruko's bunny girl costume. "Are you free tonight?"
"Oh shit, not these guys." Rick groaned in irritation. "Sorry, everyone, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut our show short on account of the goddamn World Government getting on our asses now."
"Hang on now, we're not here to hurt anyone; we just wanna bring these jokers in because we've been told they're a real big threat to the world," Aokiji stated. "Now, lemme see if I got the bounties right. Rick is 800,000,000 berries, Haruko is 600,000,000, the birdman is 210,000,000, and the cat thing is worth 500."
"Come on, I'm worth way more than that!" Squanchy complained.
"Put 'em all together, and you got…." Aokiji declared as he struggled to count on his fingers. "Shit, it was right on the tip of my tongue too. Ah well, maybe a nap will clear my head." Much to the Flesh Curtains and Medical Mechanica's shock and Akainu's annoyance, Aokiji began lying down for a quick rest. "Nobody wake me up until I feel like it."
"I'm starting to think this was a bad idea," Demido grumbled.
"I don't know why we were so afraid of these guys if that sleepyhead is not doing anything." Haruko chuckled. "Ooh, look, he's gonna take a nap; I'm so scared!"
"Don't start laughing now, Haruko; these guys are not to be messed with." Rick stated as he unsheathed his guitar, readying it for a fight." They're soon to become admirals in the Marines, or so I've heard, so don't underestimate these guys, especially Clifford the Big Red Homicidal Maniac here."
"Well, I guess if Kuzan isn't up for it, I suppose it's up to us now, Borsalino." Akainu snarled as his arm turned into pure magma. "Just try and keep up."
"Don't underestimate me too much." Kizaru smugly said as he vanished in a flash of light and reappeared just as quickly to strike Birdperson in the chest, sending him crashing into a nearby house.
"Okay, what the heck was that?!" Haruko yelled as she clashed her Flying V with Kizaru's abnormally long leg.
"They got Devil Fruits. Basically, take a bite of one of them, and you could either become a particular element, alter your body, or become a giant animal!" Rick said before discovering a massive army of Medical Machines flying towards Canfodd at Repre's command, led by a large bull-like machine dressed like a basketball player.
"Medical Machine Armada, transform and rise up!" Repre declared as the Medical Machines touched down and transformed into various deadly machinery to combat the Flesh Curtains.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd think we're in the final battle," Rick commented.
"Really? We only got two chapters left in this baby!" Haruko added. "Of course, that's implying the author won't just forget about us like he did with Marvel Gems or Boiling Blood."
"Guys, save the snarky meta-humor for later," Squanchy said as he swallowed a pill, transforming from a small cat-like creature into a massive, hulking furry titan that began fighting Medical Machines left and right. "SQAUNCHY SMASH PUNY ROBOTS, SQUANCHY SQUANCHIEST THERE IS!"
"I guess it's like they always say: there's always more than one way to skin a cat." Repre grinned sadistically as he transformed his middle finger into a shearing knife and leaped towards Squanchy, leaving Rick and Haruko alone against Demido and Akainu.
"Okay, Ruko, here's the plan. I'll take Big Red; you settle the score with the Emperor." Rick decided as he charged at Akainu and swiftly dodged the vice admiral's lava-filled assault.
"Screw you, I can take 'em both!" Haruko replied with an audacious, Getter Robo-like grin as she leaped towards her archnemesis and landed the first attack with her guitar. "DAICON THREE!"
"Ah, I see Rick is starting to rub off on you, little girl," Demido observed with a similar smile as he drew his weapon. It looked like an ordinary bo staff at first, but with the press of a button, Demido revealed numerous weapons hidden inside its faux-wooden body, from lighters to screwdrivers, knives, corkscrews, swords, laser pointers, and various other tools for whatever situation the Lord Superior Officer found himself in. "Pretty impressive, huh? I bet you're pretty impressed. I had this custom-made with weapons I collected in my line of work. Like this one, right here." He gestured to one of the weapons that emerged from the staff. "They call it a Keyblade; I got it from a man named Xehanort, who was kind enough to give me one from this place called the Keyblade Graveyard."
In the middle of Demido's explanation, however, he was suddenly struck in the face by Haruko jabbing him in his mechanical eye with the head of her guitar. "So, you want to play hard, Vespa Woman?! I was hoping you wanted to!"
"I've been itching to settle things with you for a while." Haruko growled as she punctuated every word with a bash of her guitar over Demido's head, which he tried to deflect with his weapon. "Especially after how you took everything from me! My home, my family, my friends, my normal life! But now, I get the chance to take it all back! The only thing that would make this revenge even sweeter was if I had Atomsk empowering me to waste your sorry ass!"
"Ah, I see you're jonesing for Atomsk as well." Demido sneered, hoping to incite Haruko's righteous anger further. "Well, I don't know what to tell you, little one, but I don't believe Atomsk would ever be interested in someone as immature and self-centered as you are. He only sees potential in those willing to grow as people before lending them his power. And frankly, I don't see you being strong enough to capture any galaxy in any universe. You're no universal singularity, you're no Devil Fruit user, and you're certainly not Rick Sanchez! You're just a scared little girl trying to take some control over the little life she has left."
Despite Demido's attempts at breaking her will, his taunting only made Haruko angrier and angrier with every word he said with every intent of demeaning her, calling her out for being a mere tagalong to Rick and company and refusing to grow up, as something inside her began to snap. "Face it, Haruha Raharu, I've observed you for long enough." Demido scoffed before grabbing her by the neck and smashing her into the ground. "You have officially reached your limit."
"Limit? Limit?!" Haruko muttered in pure rage as she got up and glared daggers at Demido. "LIMIT?!" Then, like a pink blur, Haruko ran all the way to the very edge of the other side of the island, cluing Demido in on what she was planning to do.
"What is Haruko doing?!" Birdperson exclaimed as he continued facing off against Kizaru.
"Demido pressed a few too many personal buttons." Rick observed as he and Akainu gawked at what Haruko was planning to do. "He shouldn't have did that."
"LIMIT?!" Haruko screamed, letting out the most furious and deranged laugh she had ever let out while preparing to charge at Demido with everything she's got. "I'VE GOT YOUR LIMIT RIGHT HERE!" With an absolutely beastly roar, Haruko launched herself straight towards Demido with every intention of murdering him on the spot, a fact Demido was willing to accept as he egged her on.
"Come on, come on, I want you to do it, I want you to do it." Demido muttered eagerly as Haruko got closer and closer. "Come on, hit me, hit me, hit me!"
"Sir, get out of the way!" Repre yelled in horror, not wanting to lose his boss and father figure to a mere lower being like Haruko.
"Hey, what did I miss?" Aokiji muttered as he awakened from his nap, having missed out on everything that had happened since he dozed off.
"Come on, hit me!" Demido continued chanting, getting louder and louder until he reached his limit. "HIT ME!" And Haruko did just that, hitting Demido so hard that it caused an explosion that could be seen from all across the world, even from space.
On a small island in the East Blue known as Dawn Island, a young boy with a straw hat and a face like a monkey excitedly watched the explosion from afar with his two sworn brothers, even though none of them had a clue what just happened.
On another island, a green-haired boy trained rigorously in the art of swordsmanship when he noticed the explosion as it interrupted his workout.
Not too far away, on an orange farm situated within the Conomi Islands, an orange-haired little girl was caught off guard by the explosion and fell over while carrying a basket of oranges.
A long-nosed little boy saw the explosion and immediately ran into his hometown of Syrup Village, yelling to everyone that pirates were coming.
On a cruise ship known as the Orbit, a blonde boy with curly eyebrows who was cooking a meal stopped what he was doing when he heard the explosion.
On Drum Island, an island in the Grand Line that seemed stuck in perpetual winter, a blue-nosed reindeer wandering through the woods was briefly startled by the loud sound and hid behind a tree.
While hiding from the Marines hunting her down, a nervous black-haired girl briefly perked up upon hearing the explosion, causing the Marines to stop what they were doing and wonder what was going on.
A blue-haired boy dressed only in a gaudy Hawaiian shirt and a pair of briefs accidentally hit his thumb with a hammer he was using to pound in some nails on a plank of wood once he heard the explosion.
In the darkness of the Florian Triangle, a living skeleton with a large afro stood alone on the ghost ship his deceased crew once sailed, gazing out into the foggy sea before the explosion reached his ears. That is, if he still had any ears.
A large shark-like Fishman watched the explosion from afar with his pirate crew, all resembling various kinds of marine life. One in particular, a saw shark Fishman with a large, serrated saw-like nose, rolled his eyes with a grimace.
As the dust settled, Haruko panted harshly as her adrenaline high wore off and she collapsed on the ground from exhaustion. "How do you like that, BITCH?!"
Unfortunately for the Vespa Woman, Demido emerged from the smoke none the worse for wear, but he did reveal that his suit & cloak were damaged in the attack, and his cybernetics were beginning to malfunction. "All that, and the only thing you did was ruin my suit?!" he roared angrily while grabbing Haruko's arm in a way that caused all her other limbs to cease functioning and take advantage of her being completely drained. "I must admit, you keep impressing me, Haruha, but unfortunately, this is where we must end our little encounters." He then raised the barely conscious Wasprian to the sky, presenting her exhausted body to the crowd of scared villagers. "Now then, anyone else care to join her?!"
All was silent for just a few more moments before Squanchy, having been injured from his earlier battle with Repre and returned to his normal size, emerged from the crowd and defiantly tossed a piece of trash at Demido's face. "If you wanna squanch Haruko, you'll have to get through me first!"
"And me!" Rick added.
"And me!" Birdperson declared.
"And me!" a villager spoke up, inspiring others to stand up for the Flesh Curtains and their home in defiance of Medical Mechanica's cruelty.
"Dammit, Demido, I think you might've gone too far," Akainu observed as the people of Canfodd finally decided they had enough of Medical Mechanica's destruction of their home and began fighting off the Medical Machines. "You only recruited us to defend these people, and now you've nearly killed them all just to get rid of four specific criminals!"
"Wouldn't you have done the same?" Demido asked coolly, making Akainu's eyes widen in shock at this question before he facepalmed with a groan, realizing that Demido may have been right. "Good to know we're on the same page. Now then, without further ado!" He then turned to the giant basketball machine. "Kareem Abdul JabBot! I command you to burn this worthless island to the ground."
The basketball-playing bot nodded and generated a bomb in its hands to dunk onto the ground, causing another large explosion that shook Canfodd and its citizens.
"Oh my, he truly is a monster," Kizaru said as he watched the carnage. "Whatever shall we do?"
"So, it turns out our colleague is a sociopathic maniac, huh?" Aokiji muttered disdainfully. "Well, I've been sitting around long enough. Time for me to go to work." The Blue Pheasant then locked in as he cracked his knuckles, causing a distinct icy chill to blow in the wind as he lazily strolled towards the destruction the Kareem Abdul JabBot was causing. "Hey, you, giant basketball-playing robot, either stop what you're doing or I'm gonna have to shut you down! Who knows? Maybe Vegapunk will have a use for you."
The robot stopped its rampage and turned to Aokiji, steam blowing out of its nose as the vice admiral stood in defiance of the giant robot, a far cry from the lazy man he presented himself as earlier, as he conjured up a sword made of ice. "Ice Saber!"
"Look, pal, I get what you're doing, and I think your powers are really cool, but I think I'll go with a different approach." Haruko stated as she stepped up beside Aokiji, who noticed Squanchy riding on her back. "Let's go, baby, time to come on and slam!" Haruko quickly changed her bunny girl costume into a skimpy basketball uniform as she dribbled a ball she conjured out of nowhere, causing the robot to get into a defensive position.
"Well, this is new." Aokiji observed curiously as Haruko challenged the Kareem Abdul JabBot to an impromptu basketball game, with everyone else eagerly watching from the sidelines.
"You have got to be kidding me," Akainu grumbled in confusion at what he was seeing. "I don't get paid enough for this level of shit! And trust me, I've seen plenty of shit as a member of the Marines!"
"As a matter of fact, I agree," Repre replied dryly. I have had enough of this world; I just want to go home."
"Whoo, you go, girl!" Squanchy yelled as Haruko tried to score a goal, but the Kareem Abdul JabBot kept blocking her path.
"She's got moves," Kizaru said, admiring the Vespa Woman's fancy footwork. "And that robot is really good at basketball."
"Probably being programmed for such a thing helps," Akainu replied.
"Geez, big guy, could you try not to look so smug?!" Haruko smirked as the robot continued blocking, only to receive some unexpected assistance. "You!"
"Ice Block: Partisan!" Aokiji announced as he launched several spires made of ice at JabBot, and they all pierced straight through its massive body. "Now, Vespa Woman!"
"Don't have to tell us twice, Mister Freeze!" Squanchy replied. "Ready, Haruko?!"
"You betcha!" Haruko agreed as she prepared a final attack. "Hey, big boy! Prepare yourself for this! "
"Yo, what's she doing?!" Rick exclaimed.
"She is performing the ultimate game-making…." Birdperson began.
"THREE-POINTER!" the duo shouted in unison as Haruko jumped into the air, ready to make a perfect slamdunk. "SHE'S FLYING!"
"The left hand is a whole 'nother place!" Haruko and Squanchy declared as Haruko touched the robot's shoulder. The two smashed the basketball directly on its head, causing the Kareem Abdul JabBot to explode and ending Medical Mechanica's assault on Canfodd.
"It's all in how you dunk the ball." Haruko confidently said with the ball in her hands before she turned to Demido with a growl. "So, how's that for my limit, suit man, huh?! What's the matter, gonna cry?!"
"I see I have much more to learn about you, Haruko." Demido shook his head in disbelief at Haruko's skills. "I believe we've seen enough. All troops, evacuate at once and return to base! We are finished here." As the Lord Superior Officer gave his orders, the Medical Machines gathered around the destroyed basketball robot and began picking up whatever remains they could find before leaving Dimension D-722 through N.O portals.
"This isn't over, Haruko." Demido sneered as he and Repre began leaving, too, acknowledging the three vice admirals one last time as they exited via Demido's portal gun.
"I suppose our work here is done." Akainu proclaimed. "Surprisingly, you turned out to be quite helpful against Medical Mechanica, Flesh Curtains. But mark my words; your bounties are still in effect, and should you ever return here, we will hunt you down."
"Well, you know what they say, gubba nub-nub doo rah-kah," Birdperson responded. "That is how my people say, 'Whatever helps you sleep at night.'" With that, the vice admirals finally left Canfodd to rebuild itself after Medical Mechanica's invasion and boarded their ship back to headquarters. They were going to have a word with their superiors once they returned.
"And that, as they say, is the end of that." Rick declared before turning to Haruko and patting her on the back. "Not bad, kiddo, maybe we should shoot some hoops together sometime! You got some real good moves."
"Thanks, Pops," Haruko said coyly and gave Rick a peck on his cheek when the island's mayor emerged from the crowd.
"Rick Sanchez and Haruko Haruhara, for you and your band's efforts to protect our people from those vile mechanical miscreants, we would like to thank you and your amazing performance with a grand celebration in your honor!" the mayor announced.
"What, you're not pissed off after how we nearly squanched your home?" Squanchy asked.
"Eh, don't worry, this happens often on our island." The mayor answered. "In fact, we're used to it by now." He then turned to his people with his arms in the air like he just didn't care. "Now then, who's ready to party?!" The people of Canfodd began cheering for the Flesh Curtains as the band started another performance, and this time, they wouldn't have anybody interrupting them.
After what felt like a week of partying, the Flesh Curtains were finally ready to leave Canfodd for a new dimension to tour, but not without a final farewell present. Over the week, a statue was erected in the Flesh Curtains' honor, depicting Haruko's heroic basketball game against the Kareem Abdul JabBot with Squanchy clinging onto her back, with Rick, Birdperson, the admirals, and Medical Mechanica watching from afar.
Back at Marine Headquarters, the Flesh Curtains' bounties remained in effect, with Rick still being worth 800,000,000 berries, Haruko having a bounty of 600,000,000 berries, Birdperson retaining a 210,000,000 berry bounty, and Squanchy being worth a measly 500 berries, totaling in the Flesh Curtains being worth 1,610,000,500 berries. But this time, they would be joined by Demido Kuriya and Repre S. Entative, the former now having a bounty of 900,000,000 berries for his assault on Canfodd and eagerly endangering the lives of a whole island, while the latter was given a bounty of 700,000,000.
However, as the Flesh Curtains left Dimension D-722, Haruko sat in the darkness of her room, her only company being Demido's taunting words from their showdown on Canfodd. "Well, I don't know what to tell you, little one, but I don't believe Atomsk would ever be interested in someone as immature and self-centered as you are." Demido sneered in Haruko's head. "He only sees potential in those willing to grow as people before lending them his power. And frankly, I don't see you being strong enough to capture any galaxy in any universe. You're no universal singularity, you're no Devil Fruit user, and you're certainly not Rick Sanchez! You're just a scared little girl trying to take some control over the little life she has left."
Haruko began tossing and turning in her bed as Demido continued mocking her. "Face it, Haruha Raharu, I've observed you for long enough. You have officially reached your limit."
"Oh, I'll show him my limit once I find him!" Haruko murmured to herself while looking at the metal bracelet on her wrist. "Thankfully, Rick and the gang should be just what I need."
Outside Haruko's room, Rick began writing something in a notepad titled "THE MECHANICA MISSION."
Meanwhile, at Medical Mechanica's primary headquarters on a distant, heavily industrialized planet that bore a curious resemblance to Earth, the multi-dimensional technology conglomerate's board of directors stood together on a balcony overseeing throngs of excited cybernetic employees. To the left stood a cyborg dressed like a stereotypical wizard, a giant mutant cyborg ostrich, a cyborg gargoyle-like monster, a muscular red demon with a pitchfork for a hand and his horns shaved off, and an effeminate humanoid who decorated his cybernetics with lavish jewelry and was wearing sunglasses for no reason. To the right stood a mutated cyborg fusion of a gorilla and a baboon, a living computer virus in a robotic body with wire-like hair, an orange-skinned Rockinoid with cybernetic eyes and wristbands depicting the four elements, and a stereotypical pirate with hooks in place of fingers, his energy core sticking prominently out of his back, and peg-legs serving as feet.
"DEMIDO, KURIYA! DEMIDO, KURIYA! DEMIDO, KURIYA!" the servants of Medical Mechanica cheered as their supreme leader emerged from the shadows to face his subjects, accompanied by Repre, Yamaguchi, and a pair of Medical Machine guards wielding hard light spears. Elated to see his minions delighted by his presence, the Lord Superior Officer gave them all a little wave before he began his speech.
"Employees of Medical Mechanica, today is the most joyous of days!" Demido announced.
"Are you bringing back Taco Tuesday?" a mechanical hedgehog enforcer of the LSO's will asked excitedly while standing alongside a cyborg fox with four tails and an echidna whose fists seemed too big for him to carry.
"Actually, yes, but I was planning on keeping that a surprise," Demido answered. "But I have gathered you all here today for the presentation of our latest acquired asset! BEHOLD!" To the side, a sheet was pulled off a massive birdcage that contained a gargantuan, red-colored phoenix trying desperately to escape. "I present to you all the successfully captured Pirate King himself, Atomsk! If not for your combined efforts, he would not be in our clutches at this moment. As a reward, I shall give you all a week's worth of free tacos!"
"Yeah, you go, girl!" a crocodilian cyborg cheered delightedly.
"We love you, Demido!" a female frog-like cyborg squealed.
"SIGN MY READER-INSERT FANFICTION!" a dark-skinned cyborg woman cried desperately while Demido reveled in the adoration of his slaves.
"So, can we begin subjugating all who have ever existed, ever will exist, and ever could exist in the multiverse and eliminate all traces of individual thought now, milord?" Repre asked eagerly while rubbing his hands together like the sniveling worm he was.
"Not quite. We need to run a few tests first to ensure he's ready to go." Demido sneered as he turned to the computer virus and the wizard. "Malbyte, Mersid, how is progress going on our tests?"
"Which ones, the experiments on the ones we collected from Wasprus or our examination of Atomsk?" the wizardlike Mersid asked.
"Both are progressing splendidly, your grandness." Malbyte said in a surprisingly boyish voice for his intimidating form. "Soon, ultimate power shall be yours to take, and absolutely no one can stop us." Demido grinned evilly at the news.
"Oy, quit making a mess of me money bin, you five-fingered heathens!" an elderly duck yelled in a thick Scottish accent as he caught Rick and Haruko spray-painting "SCROOGE MCSUCK" on his massive money bin in Dimension DT-217, the pair being unaware of the sudden chill running down their spines as a warning that danger might be afoot.
In Loving Memory of The Pillows, The Music Behind FLCL
September 1989 to January 2025
Thank you, my twilight.
Notes:
At long last, we are done with quite possibly my longest and most ambitious chapter of Rick and Haruko yet. I did not expect this to go so long, but then again, I've been putting off this chapter for a while now, so what do I know? Regardless, things went absolutely insane once we got to the One Piece world! We finally get a taste of just how evil Demido Kuriya is, Haruko is pushed to her absolute limits on what she's willing to do to hunt down Atomsk, and now it's becoming more obvious she's just using Rick and pals to fulfill her endgame. How will Rick eventually respond to a betrayal of this caliber? We'll just have to wait and find out! Hopefully I won't keep you waiting too long this time. Thanks for reading this chapter, everyone!
Chapter 5: Wubba Lubba Dub Dub
Notes:
Author's Note: Bet you didn't expect a new chapter to come out so soon, given my current status, huh? I've practically made it my mission to neglect as many of my stories for as long as humanly possible, but now, I feel like I have just a little motivation back to finally do something other than nonstop college assignments. Anyways, last time on Rick and Haruko, our dynamic duo, along with Birdperson and Squanchy, have matched wits with Medical Mechanica once again. This time, the Lord Superior Officer Demido Kuriya shows how truly evil he can be through eagerly endangering the people of Canfodd Island, and Haruko is pushed to her limits on what she'll do to find Atomsk. Meanwhile, Rick has begun formulating some kind of plan that will involve Medical Mechanica somehow. How will this affect his father-daughter bond with Haruko, you may ask? Well, if you've seen Fooly Falls 2, you might get a good idea of what's to come, but the rest will be saved for the final chapter! I still can't believe this adventure is almost over and we can finally move onto bigger and grander things. Now then, let's get back to Rick and Haruko's shenanigans.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a small desert planet known as Tatooine, situated in the Outer Rim, famous for its two suns, moisture farms, and the abundance of scum and villainy that inhabited the planet. One such wretched hive where the criminals of the galaxy would thrive was Mos Eisley Spaceport and its local cantina, where the Flesh Curtains have made their base of operations during their stay on Tatooine.
"Damn, do those Bith ever play more than just the one song?" Haruko said as she watched Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes play their signature song, "Mad About Me," for the shady patrons having a drink at the bar or making insidious deals in the booths.
"I mean, it's the one song that everyone associates with the band." Squanchy added. "I'm sure they got tons of other tunes, but this is the most famous."
"Both of you, shut it!" Rick ordered the pair. "Okay, gang, here's what our next show is going to look like. We'll be heading to Castle Wyvern in Dimension W-994 to perform for the princess's birthday. However, this is a very special castle that's protected by real as shit gargoyles who turn to stone by day and come to life at night! How badass is that?!"
"Wait, how did we get hired for this job?" Haruko wondered. "Like, what time period is this?"
"Don't think about it," Rick replied. "Anyways, this guy calling himself the Archmage wants us to perform as a little surprise for Princess Katharine. That's Katharine with two A's, by the way, and maybe we can meet the gargoyles defending the place, too. Anybody got that?" His three bandmates nodded in reply. "Good."
"Hey, anybody gonna check up on that creepy lady in the hood over there?" Haruko asked as she walked over to a woman in a hood drowning her sorrows at the bar. "Hey, creepy lady, why are you wearing a hood?"
"What's it to you, little girl?" the woman snarled as she glared daggers at Haruko, revealing that she had bone-white skin and icy blue eyes before revealing her red lightsaber to the young Wasprian. "Anything you want out of me?"
"C'mon, what's with the hood? Got some embarrassing tattoo on your head, a wart, a hole in your brain?" Haruko continued badgering the woman while Rick began shaking in fear of her presence. "Come on, show me, show me!"
"Haruko, get the goddamn hell out of there; that's Asajj Ventress; she's a Nightsister from Dathomir who worked for the Emperor!" Rick muttered panickedly as he grabbed Haruko by the shoulders and pushed her away. "Excuse my daughter here, ma'am. She has a habit of asking random people annoying questions."
"Rick Sanchez, I've heard rumors that you were on this planet." Asajj said menacingly as many of the cantina's other patrons all turned to glare at the Flesh Curtains. "Someone has placed a bounty on your heads here, and all of us are looking to claim it."
"Dammit, that's the second time we got a bounty in another dimension!" Rick groaned in irritation. "Hey Birdperson, did our bounty in Dimension D-722 go up after we made that prank Buster Call?"
"Very much." Birdperson bluntly replied.
"Listen, lady, we can see you're a very busy woman, so we're just gonna kindly pack up our things and get the hell outta here with our tails between our legs." Rick declared before the Flesh Curtains all immediately bolted for the entrance. "FUCK!"
"After them!" Asajj yelled as she and the other cantina patrons all gave chase to the band all over Mos Eisley, using everything in their power to claim the bounty for themselves.
"When I get the girl, I'm gonna become filthy rich!" a Corellian bounty hunter named Dengar said excitedly.
"Get lost; I hear Jabba's in the market for a new slave girl!" the fearsome Trandoshan bounty hunter Bossk responded while shoving Dengar out of his way before the two were suddenly pushed aside by the legendary Duros cowboy Cad Bane.
"No need, you two, I shall take care of them." Cad Bane said coldly as the bounty hunters all stopped their chase and watched Bane enter a standoff with the Flesh Curtains.
"Richard Daniel Sanchez. It has been a while, my alcoholic friend." He greeted Rick politely, almost like the two were old friends. "The board of directors at Medical Mechanica have hired me to bring you and your band in so they can hand you over to the Council of Ricks. As for what will become of your companions, especially the last daughter of Wasprus in your custody there, well, let's say that some things are better left to your twisted imagination."
"Look, Bane, you do anything you want to me; just leave my gang outta this." Rick belched in defiance while pulling out his Rickenbacker. "Especially Haruko here. She's got a bright future ahead of her, and I ain't letting assholes like you cut it short."
"Don't worry, Rick, my clients shall take good care of Miss Raharu," Cad replied with a sadistic sneer while unholstering his gun. "I wonder what kind of cybernetics they'll outfit her with, though? The sky is practically the limit with their brand of technology."
Rick grimaced and prepared for a fight before Haruko suddenly stopped him and took the Rickenbacker out of his hands, intending on dual-wielding it with her Flying V. "Stand aside, pops, I got this covered." Haruko then stood face to face with Cad Bane in a classic Wild West standoff, with her as the good and Bane as the bad. Neither of them was quite sure which one of them was the ugly one yet.
"Ah, so that's your choice of weapon, I see." Cad smirked while slowly drawing his signature LL-30 blaster pistols and pointing them at his opponent. "I must warn you, though. You may consider yourself an unpredictable opponent, but I have been in this business for many years. I'm used to these kinds of targets."
"Me too." Haruko declared as she pulled a ripcord on the back of the Rickenbacker and prepared to take a swing at the legendary bounty hunter.
"Wait, when did she put that there?" Rick asked before Cad Bane fired his pistols, only for Haruko to swing the guitar to deflect the blast and send the lasers that the bounty hunter fired into a balcony where a Wilhelmite let out a very distinct scream as he fell to the sandy ground.
"Have to admit, I did not see that coming." Bane smirked with intrigue before switching his pistols for a pair of flamethrowers built into his gauntlets to keep Haruko at bay. Unfortunately for Bane, the Vespa Woman was quicker on her feet than he realized as she fired bullets from her Rickenbacker at the bounty hunter, intending to hit him in his breathing tubes if not for Bane trying to dodge every attack. "You're giving me quite a rush, Vespa Woman! But it won't last long!"
"Quick, guys, while he's distracted!" Rick belched as he, Birdperson, and Squanchy tried looking for a way to escape before Asajj suddenly cornered them. "Oh right, I almost forgot you were making a cameo here. Was really hoping for an appearance by a real Glup Shitto guy, like the host of that Star Wars-themed kids' game show who saved Grogu."
"Enough of your nonsense, Rick!" Ventress exclaimed while drawing her lightsaber. "You're a wanted man, you and your little band. Medical Mechanica has issued a manhunt for you four across the galaxy. I can only imagine their surprise when they learn you've been hiding out on a backwater moisture-farming planet like this one."
"Trust me lady, this planet's gonna become very important in a couple years or so." Rick declared. "But that reminds me, you may have forgotten one thing about us here. I call Birdperson that name for a reason."
Birdperson then let out a loud squawk as he spread his wings and flew away with Rick and Squanchy in his arms. Despite Asajj's attempts at stopping their flight using her control over the Force, Birdperson slowly grew too far away for the Nightsister to capture him while Rick snatched up Haruko mid-showdown with Cad Bane. "And that's the way the news goes! WHOO!"
"So, where did you park our ship?" Haruko asked while looking at Mos Eisley from above. "Hopefully it can't be too far away, or those damn Jawas haven't taken it."
"Look, there they are over there!" Squanchy exclaimed, pointing at a group of Jawas laughing like drunken college boys as they boarded the Rick-stery Machine and drove out of Mos Eisley. "Those squanching tech thieves! I outta shove a wire hanger up their asses when I get my squanching paws on them!"
"Easy, Squanchy, we can still chase them." Rick stated, cuing Birdperson to land the band near a junk dealer where they easily found something to chase the Jawas with.
"Hey, that's mine!" the Toydarian junk dealer Watto wailed in anger as the Flesh Curtains made off with a landspeeder.
"Lick lick lick my balls, you Jewish stereotype alien!" Haruko cackled while flipping the flying alien the bird. "Wubba lubba dub dub!"
"Why does everyone keep calling me that?" Watto muttered to himself. "I mean, what's a Jewish?"
Elsewhere, Cad Bane stood on top of a tower as he spied on the Flesh Curtains escaping via landspeeder through his binoculars with a smirk on his face, respecting Haruko's abilities as he spoke into his wrist comm. "I have unfortunate news to report, Mr. Lord Superior Officer. I was unable to capture those Flesh Curtains as you requested. I suppose you'll have to take the money you owe me and take your business elsewhere, yes?"
"Don't get too disappointed yet, Mr. Bane." Demido Kuriya answered. "You may not be getting the reward I promised you, but allow me to offer something far greater than fortune. I wish for you to keep an eye on the Medical Mechanica factory I am installing here on Tatooine, along with the Pin, which is not too far away. Succeed, and you will get those credits I owe you. Do we have a deal?"
"Affirmative." Bane grinned greedily as he hung up on the corrupt CEO of Medical Mechanica.
"Out of all the bounty hunters I have enlisted in this galaxy, I think Bane might be my favorite." Demido declared as he ended his call with Cad Bane and continued overseeing the Pin installation with Yamaguchi. "All of you, keep working! I want this Pin ready on the double! And I also want to ensure no one in the galaxy ever discovers its true programming."
"Uh, sir, if I may ask one question," one cyborg construction worker with a skinny frame and a reedy voice said to his boss. "what are these Pins for, and why are we installing them in every universe that Rick just so happens to be in."
"I suppose I've kept the explanation to myself for long enough." Demido answered the construction worker. "These aren't just any ordinary pins. They were built specifically to assist our factories in smoothing out the worlds they have been installed on. And when the time comes, and I have attained the power I have only dreamed of for so long, my mechanical army shall be unleashed, and they will stop at nothing until everything in their path has been destroyed and the irons can smooth out all that try to resist them without issue. I can see it all now."
Demido then began projecting a holographic film from his cybernetic eye, smirking as he watched his endless armies of Medical Machines, ranging from the size of a normal human to large enough to tear down buildings by simply walking into them, were unleashed upon every universe as the irons activated. Like Moses unleashing the plagues upon Egypt when Ramses refused to let his people go, the Medical Machines showed no mercy as they descended upon every conceivable dimension, destroying everything and everyone in their path as the irons smoothed everything flat.
The construction worker began tugging nervously at his collar as he watched the film, getting especially nervous at various heroes and even a few villains trying desperately to fight back. In one universe, five courageous teenagers with attitude in bright-colored spandex costumes summoned a giant robot for them to pilot, and the robot tried pushing the iron back with its bare hands. But even as the iron began pushing back and seemed ready to crush the giant robot, the teen heroes refused to give up without a fight as another teenage hero dressed in green appeared in a giant reptile-like robot to try to even the odds.
In another universe, a blue hedgehog who looked like he was running faster than either the speeds of light or sound was in a fierce battle against a Medical Machine that was just as cool & blue as he was by copying the hedgehog's speed. Given how much of a daredevil he was, the blue hedgehog saw this as a challenge as he received backup from a two-tailed yellow fox, a red echidna, and a pink hedgehog wielding a massive hammer. Meanwhile, another hedgehog with black and red fur prepared to launch a field of overwhelmingly powerful energy against an army of machines. Still, to his shock and horror, the Medical Machines were able to do the same and used it to completely overpower him. But that wasn't going to stop the black hedgehog as he removed the golden rings on his wrists to increase his power and further even the odds.
The third universe was host to a young man in a yellow, blue, and black costume fighting alongside a red-haired woman dressed in pink against the Medical Machine horde. Even though the man was brutally injured, almost to the point of dying, he just kept getting back up because no matter what happened to him, his fighting spirit and desire to protect the innocent above all else kept him going. Nearby, a white-haired man in a suit with a distinct scar on his face was just about ready to die from his injuries sustained from an earlier fight, but he decided to use his last moments to buy a group of other heroes time to escape while he stood alone against overwhelming odds.
As for the fourth universe, it was like all the others, with heroes coming together to face impossible odds and defend the innocent no matter the cost. Only this time, the heroes in question were giant alien robots armed with heavy weaponry and the ability to change their forms into cars, trucks, planes, and other kinds of machinery. One group of these alien robots was led by a red, white, and blue robot who issued orders to his fellow machines, speaking with a commanding yet compassionate, wise, and honorable voice that demonstrated how he was strong enough to be gentle. On the other side, another alien robot who was colored gray, black, and red with piercing red eyes fired at the Medical Machines with a massive laser cannon attached to his arm, showing no mercy to the invaders as he barked at his minions to rise up and throw everything they've got at Medical Mechanica. Unfortunately, like the previous three universes, it seemed like the end for both sides.
The fifth universe was no different. This was another world of superheroes, but this time, the Medical Machines were somewhere in Japan, surrounding two teenage boys. One had green hair and a matching-colored costume that seemed to spark with green electricity, while the other had blonde hair and could generate explosions from his hands. Three other teens would soon join them. One of them was a girl who could manipulate gravity by merely touching the robots. One was a young blue-haired man in glasses and a suit of armor who ran at supersonic speeds, not unlike the hedgehog. The fifth had hair that was red on one side and white on the other, and he could generate both fire and ice. Across Japan, multiple other superheroes and even a few supervillains, each with their own quirky powers, were doing what they could to defend their world from the mechanical invaders. One villain, in particular, reminded Demido of Repre, a young man who could decay anything he touched and had shaggy blue hair, pale skin, and a twisted smile on his face as he reveled in the chaos around him.
In the sixth and final universe that the construction worker was forced to observe, he was almost entirely taken by surprise by the fact that it was a fantasy land inhabited by pastel-colored ponies that nearly looked like children's toys. It was even more surprising to him that one of them, a winged and horned pony with a purple coat, dark purple hair with a pink stripe, and strange star-like markings on her flank, was fighting valiantly against Dantedy, one of Medical Mechanica's board of executives, using extraordinary magical abilities. Meanwhile, in this mystical land, five other ponies of equally distinct colors were fighting to defend their small village home as an iron powered through, ready to crush the entire village and every pony living there flat. But these five ponies weren't so scared, for as long as they had each other and the literal power of friendship empowering them, they could overcome any obstacle. Or at least, that's what they so believed. As the Medical Machines completely overpowered the ponies, Demido and Repre watched from high above, Repre letting out a deranged, sadistic cackle as he reveled in the ponies' pain and suffering while Demido sneered behind him. Behind them both, a tall, muscular silhouette with piercing red eyes raised his arm, ordering demonic aliens to descend from glowing white portals to raze this cutesy fantasy land.
"This is what I have plotted for so long, my friend." Demido declared. "With the unstoppable power of Medical Mechanica, I will burn this multiverse to the ground, wipe the slate clean, and in its place, I shall rule a new multiverse. It shall be a multiverse of silence, a multiverse of total, unquestioned order where all will no longer have any autonomy or the freedom to make choices. A multiverse where war, tragedy, heartbreak, betrayal, and discord shall be things of the past. That is the multiverse I long to rule as its god-king."
"But that's just horrible. Your plans are horrible!" the construction worker gasped in horror at the destruction and death he was witnessing in the hologram. All of these worlds, all filled with such life and color, were reduced to nothing more than mere collateral damage, and he couldn't stand for it any longer. "YOU'RE HORRIBLE!" he screamed while dramatically pointing at Demido. "You're an irredeemable monster!"
"Why, thank you. What took you so long?" Demido snidely commented as he pressed a button on his hand, triggering the self-destruct function on the worker's cybernetics and causing him to detonate on the spot. Without even changing his mood or moving an inch, Demido turned to Yamaguchi and a pair of janitorial Medical Machines before he gave them some new orders. "Get rid of the remains."
"As you wish, Demido-san." Yamaguchi happily obliged as he commanded the janitors to sweep up what was left of the construction worker before they dumped them into a nearby Sarlacc pit, where the voracious creature residing inside happily snacked on the worker's remains—a true testament to Demido's cruelty.
Meanwhile on another part of Tatooine, the Flesh Curtains continued their chase of the Jawas to reclaim their Rick-stery Machine. While the Jawas were horsing around with the band's belongings, Rick started firing a blaster he found with the landspeeder while angrily shaking his fist. "If you start messing with my shit, then you better start praying to whatever god you worship because I won't be listening!"
One of the Jawas stuck its head out the window while speaking in a strange language that only Rick seemed to understand, and what the Jawa said made Rick angrier than he already was. "Meega nala kweesta!"
"Oh shit, he did not just go there!" Squanchy exclaimed.
"My mother was a saint; you take that back!" Rick growled and kept firing.
"Ugh, so naughty." Birdperson rolled his eyes in disgust as he watched Haruko fire bullets from Rick's Rickenbacker. "Haruko, since when did you have time to turn Rick's guitar into a firearm?"
"Rick gave me a few lessons on how to turn anything into a weapon." Haruko responded. "Just watch this." Reaching into her pocket, Haruko pulled out a large cartoon bomb in her hand that she eagerly tossed at the Jawas, exploding on impact and causing the Rick-stery Machine to swerve out of control before crashing into a vaporator. The Jawas screamed in shock as they clambered out of the Rick-stery Machine immediately after it crashed while Rick was quick to scare them off.
"That's right, you little varmints, go on, git!" Rick yelled, firing his blaster at the Jawas as they ran away into the desert. Rick then turned to the Rick-stery Machine to inspect any damages caused by the crash, and to his relief, there weren't any massive damage done to their craft. "Nice thinking there, Haruko." He complimented Haruko's creative thinking before offering a high-five. "Come on, up top!"
"Yeah, wubba lubba dub dub!" Haruko cheered as she returned the high five, prompting Birdperson to walk towards Haruko with a concerned look on his stoic face while Rick got to work on fixing the Rick-stery Machine. "Hey Birdperson, whassup?"
"Haruko, do you have an idea of what wubba lubba dub dub means?" Birdperson asked Haruko as he approached her.
"Oh yeah, that." Haruko replied snidely while relaxing against the vaporator. "That's just another one of Rick's silly catchphrases, no big."
"It is more than just a catchphrase, Haruko." Birdperson stated. "In my people's language, it is a phrase meaning "I am in great pain. Please help me." It may sound like utter nonsense at first, but it speaks volumes about how much pain Rick hides beneath his alcoholism and boorish behavior. I've known him long enough to know what he means, so I can try and keep him from going off the deep end. That is why he numbs himself with drinking and reckless activities, to distract himself from the suffering he has endured over years of adventuring."
Haruko was quiet for a moment as she contemplated what Birdperson had just said. She had already heard a couple of times about how Rick once had a wife and daughter who died in a tragic accident, which she believes is the reason why Rick practically treated the young Wasprian like a surrogate daughter figure to him. But judging by what Birdperson explained to her, it seemed that Rick's problems ran much deeper than Haruko realized.
"I have heard you say that phrase multiple times, including just now, which might indicate that some of Rick's toxic traits are rubbing off on you in ways that may not seem super obvious at first." Birdperson continued speaking. "I am only looking out for you, Haruko. You are so young and impressionable, easy for Rick to mold into an eager little sidekick with enough time. So, it's your choice. Either stand by Rick and let him continue being a bad influence on you or go your own way and find your own path in life. What do you choose, Haruha?"
"You know, Birdy, you're starting to sound a bit like this friend of mine from when I was a kid." Haruko answered, making Birdperson believe she was dodging his question. "His name was Taro."
"Come on, Taro-kun, keep up, ya slowpoke!" a twelve-year-old Haruha Raharu, dressed in a yellow shirt with muddy red overalls, her face and arms covered in bandages, and her brown hair in pigtails, yelled excitedly as she raced through a forest on Wasprus while a boy around her age with similarly colored hair struggled to keep up. This was Taro Tsurumaki, a longtime childhood friend of Haruha whom she possessed a secret crush on.
"I'm so sorry, Haru, you're just way too fast." Taro said as he stopped to take a breath with his hands on his knees. "Just give me a moment to breathe here."
"Taro-kun, you dork, you're so adorable when you struggle." Haruha snickered, making Taro blush with his face turning completely red, then blue, green, and every other color in the rainbow in embarrassment. "Come on, Takkun, there's this great view I wanna show ya!"
"Can it wait a bit? I need to tie my shoes a bit." Taro asked while bending over to adjust his shoelaces. "I think one of them got stuck on that root back there." Suddenly, however, Haruha grabbed Taro and heaved him onto her back, showing remarkable strength for a girl her age. "GAH!"
"What's the matter, Taro? You need me to carry you like a princess?" Haruha laughed while carrying Taro on her back as the two laughed joyously. The two of them had always shared a special bond ever since they were young, with Haruha's tomboyish energy naturally contrasting with Taro's shyer and more reserved yet kindhearted and intelligent nature. However, there was always something inside of Haruha that made her think they could be something more than that. And that was why she brought him out here.
"Well, here we are, Taro-kun, the best view in this general area of our beautiful planet!" Haruha declared as she brought her best friend to a cliff facing a beautiful sprawling valley beneath the setting sun. "Ain't she pretty, old chum?"
"I know you brought me here because you wanted to tell me something, but I want to tell you something first," Taro answered awkwardly, standing with one hand scratching his neck and the other in his pocket. "The day I turn 13, I'm going to be leaving this place so I can join the Galactic Space Patrol Brotherhood."
"Yeah, shoulda figured. Some of the other boys in our town have already left." Haruha stated. "Lemme guess, your family's store just ain't cut out for you?"
"No, I'm not like the others; I'm not just looking to get better pay." Taro replied. "I'm going to become a great manly hero someday, the best of the best, like Manolios Brolnir."
"Ah, right, the great war hero who singlehandedly saved the Zodick Galaxy from the Metarex, huh?" Haruha asked. "Isn't it pretty hard to join the Fraternity, what with all the paperwork and the training and the paperwork and the DNA tests and the paperwork and stuff?"
"Yeah, so I'll be gone for a while." Taro replied.
"Afraid so. Hopefully, I can see you on the news." Haruha said while nervously fidgeting with one of her pigtails while working up the courage to confess her feelings. "Uh, Taro-kun, before you leave, there is something that I've been wanting to tell you for a while."
"Oh, what do you want to say, Haruha?" Taro asked curiously while noticing something drifting towards the valley out of the corner of his eye.
"It's something I wanted to tell you for a long, long time, but I just couldn't find the right time to say it." Haruha declared while taking Taro's hands in hers. "Taro-kun, I…. I Io-"
Suddenly, there was a loud crashing sound, interrupting Haruha's train of thought as she wobbled on the edge of the cliff before falling off. "OH NO!"
"HARU!" Taro yelled as he grabbed Haruha's hand just in the nick of time, saving her from falling off the cliff and pulling her back up to solid ground. "Good grief, you had me worried sick there. You could've gotten seriously hurt!"
"Don't worry so much about me, Takkun, I've had worse falls!" Haruha declared while pointing to a gap in her teeth. "You remember how I lost this tooth, right?"
"I remember a little too well," Taro muttered before he turned out to look out at the valley. "Hey, Haruha, you see that?" The two Wasprian kids then gazed out at what looked like a giant clothes iron sitting square in the field, sticking out like a sore thumb compared to the flora and fauna surrounding it. "What is that thing?"
"Either it's an ominous warning of our futures or some weirdo modern art installation." Haruha commented. "I ain't too worried about it, though."
"Haruha, Taro!" Haruha's father, Reagan, called out for the duo. "Can you come back home, please? We got some news for you!"
"Coming, pops!" Haruha hollered back before turning to Taro with an arm around the boy's neck. "Hey, Taro, when you join those Brotherhood guys, I want you to promise me one thing. When we're older, and you become a superstar First Class Space Patrol Officer or whatever, if I ever get myself into trouble, I want you to promise you'll come to save me. Okay?"
"Me?" Taro asked. "But I'm just a dork, a total homebody! What makes you think I can come save you from trouble?"
"Because that's what heroes do. Save people." Haruha smirked coyly. "And you're my hero." She then kissed Taro on the lips. "Come on, please, just once?"
"Okay, I promise." Taro said blushingly as the two exchanged a pinky swear.
"Come on, you little rascals, we ain't got all day!" Taro's mother, Izumi, called out as the two kids laughed.
"Well, what are we waiting for? My mom's making our favorite stew tonight!" Taro exclaimed as he escaped Haruha's grasp and ran home.
"Heck yeah!" Haruha cheered and ran after her best friend. When the two got home for dinner, however, they got some shocking news. The iron belonged to an intergalactic technology conglomerate known as Medical Mechanica, and they planned on taking over Wasprus to turn it into a planet where they could build more of their robots, putting Taro's dreams of joining the Fraternity on hold. And the rest was history.
In Dimension W-994's version of ancient Scotland, superstition and the sword ruled. It was a time of darkness. A world of fear. An age of gargoyles, a race of winged humanoid creatures who possessed the ability to turn to stone by day and awaken as warriors by night. One clan in particular, aptly known as the Wyvern Clan, stood as the defenders of Castle Wyvern with their strong and imposing yet honorable and intellectual leader-to-be Goliath, along with his mate, his angel of the night, Demona. As day turned to night and the gargoyles awakened, the Flesh Curtains had already landed at Castle Wyvern to perform for the princess's birthday, and Rick was already making himself at home.
"And that's when I told Julian 'Ultimate Annihilator? I hardly knew her!' Get it?!" Rick finished a funny story to Goliath, a muscular, purple-skinned gargoyle with a stern look on his face. "You see, it's funny because of the -or sound at the end of annihilator."
"The humans of your time period have a bizarre sense of humor, Rick Sanchez." Goliath commented stoically. "And I assume this Ultimate Annihilator worked somehow?"
"No, I'm pretty sure his rat bastard nephew might've rigged it somehow, I don't know." Rick belched while chugging from his flask. "Hey, where did Haruko go? We're supposed to go on in an hour!"
Just then, a blue-skinned female gargoyle with red hair stormed into the castle halls with a haggard look on her face that she directed at Rick. "Excuse me, Rick, was it? I suggest you keep your little friend on a leash."
"Oh, that's just Haruko, you'll get used to her." Rick laughed as he followed the sounds of Haruko's mischief to the castle library, where he found his little ward goofing off with three younger gargoyles as she skimmed through all the books. "Hey, kiddo, having fun yet?"
"So, you must be the infamous Rick Sanchez we've been hearing about, huh?" a red-skinned gargoyle that Rick assumed to be the ringleader of this gargoyle trio declared. "Haruko here has told us a lot about you."
"Hey, can you tell us how this portal gun of yours works?" a smaller gargoyle with green skin asked about Rick's signature device.
"Careful there, ya little geek, this kind of technology won't be invented for centuries. I don't want to solve any time travel-related problems." Rick grumbled before one book in the library caught his eye. "Hey, what's that supposed to be?"
"Oh, that? That book's about all sorts of mythological figures and creatures." A portly, blue-skinned gargoyle explained while Rick skimmed through the book's contents, though none of the characters contained within seemed to interest him. "Any of them strike your interest?"
"Eh, I've met some of them before. Shakespeare was right; Oberon was a real dick." Rick scoffed before putting the book down. "You'll all get what I mean at some point. Maybe in a couple hundred years."
"Hey, let me see!" Haruko said as she picked up the book and began perusing its pages, seeing pictures of dragons, fairies, unicorns, manticores, and mermaids before one just so happened to catch her eye. "Atomsk?"
"Hey, I think I've read about that guy once or twice." The green gargoyle said, just as curious as the Wasprian girl while peeking over her shoulder. "They say this phoenix is a being not born of magic but of some greater cosmic power with abilities beyond mortal comprehension. Atomsk only appears to those who are struggling to mature as people and could either bless them with his power to create or destroy."
It was then that Haruko was suddenly reminded of the way Demido taunted her back on Canfodd Island, about how she'll never be worthy of Atomsk's power if she continues to act immaturely. "He only sees potential in those willing to grow as people before lending them his power. And frankly, I don't see you being strong enough to capture any galaxy in any universe." Haruko resisted the urge to rip the books to shreds just as she heard the library door open, followed by Goliath stepping in with Demona, the Archmage, and an elderly male gargoyle by his side.
"Ah, Haruko Haruhara, I presume. A pleasure meeting you, milady." The Archmage greeted Haruko as the two shook hands. "It would be my pleasure to hear your futuristic music tonight at the party."
"Hey, don't sweat it, Yen Sid. Maybe I can give you our mixtape later." Haruko replied. "Just tell us where we need to play."
"Seriously, bringing rock and roll to ancient Scotland? Do they have the slightest clue what they're doing to this universe's timeline?!" Repre complained while stalking the Flesh Curtains from atop a hill far from Castle Wyvern.
"But sir, aren't we doing the same thing by introducing our modern technology to this time period?" one of the Medical Machines asked to point out Repre's hypocrisy. "Besides, this world has a pretty colorful history, so I don't think we'd be too out of place. Heck, I think one of the Easter Island heads is actually an alien!" Repre only responded by tearing out the drone's circuitry.
"So tell me, what harebrained scheme do you have planned to capture the Flesh Curtains this time?" Mersid, a member of Medical Mechanica's board of executives, grumbled sarcastically as he readied the factory and Pin for deployment. "Let me guess, are you going to stick up another one of their concerts?"
"What? It's the only way I can get attention!" Repre replied. "What do you want to do, something a little more covert? Besides, I already secretly planted a tracking device on Haruhara when I fought her back on the Boiling Isles, which is partially how I've been able to track the band across multiple dimensions! Unfortunately, it seems to have been damaged at some point."
"Enough exposition, child, just get to the point!" Mersid yelled angrily. "Ugh, why does the Lord Superior Officer keep sending you out on these missions if you're going to be nothing but a disappointment?!"
"Me, a disappointment?!" Repre yelled back as his insecurities began kicking in again. "I'll show you who the real disappointment is! I'll show you all!" He then turned to his Medical Machine entourage. "Medical Machines, roll out! I want those hoodlums on my wall by the hour! And make sure to leave no evidence we were ever here!"
The Medical Machines all nodded in compliance as they took to the skies, with Repre hitching a ride on the back of one while Mersid watched in dismay as the overconfident representative director embarked on his journey to Castle Wyvern. "Fine, but don't come crying to me once you blow this like you always do." Mersid shook his head before taking one of the machines for a ride to make sure Repre didn't mess up.
"Okay, check one, check two, sibilance. Sibilance." Rick spoke into his microphone that night as humans and gargoyles alike gathered in the castle dining hall to watch their performance. "Schwifty. Hey, anyone seen Haruko anywhere?"
"Oh yes, Haruko says she's got a big entrance planned for tonight, whatever that is." Birdperson answered. "Hopefully, she won't cause too much trouble." Suddenly, the lights seemingly killed themselves, bathing the room in darkness before the doors to the dining hall opened up. And from the doors came Haruko, wearing a pair of sunglasses and standing on top of the Rick-stery Machine while surrounded by ominous fog as she played a sick tune on her guitar.
"DUUUUUN, DUN DUN DUN DA-DUUUUUUN, DA-DA-DA-DUNNNN!" Haruko scatted along with her epic guitar riff while hopping off the Rick-stery Machine and suggestively licking her guitar! "Hello, people of Castle Wyvern! How are we feeling tonight?! First of all, happy birthday to little Katharine, wherever she is. Sucks that she's not here right now to witness the most badass concert that medieval Scotland has ever seen. I gotta say, though, it's been a crazy past couple hours I've spent here!"
"The guitarist raises a good point, though." The old gargoyle man remarked. "Where is the princess?"
"I helped you dig a well with a first-class child-friendly visitor's center, I've given you some top-notch math tuition in a fun but relevant way, and I even introduced you to the word "dude" a couple of centuries early!" Haruko rambled. "Suck on that, 19th century! Yankee Doodle Dandy can go suck my tits!"
"What is she saying?" Goliath muttered quizzically while Demona groaned in exhaustion.
"Come on, I wanna hear you shout!" Haruko continued while pointing to one side of the audience.
"DUDE!" the gargoyles and humans excitedly cheered for Haruko.
"Are you a Renaissance…?" Haruko yelled to the other side of the audience.
"DUDE!" the crowd continued roaring.
"Are you a Medieval…?" Haruko called out to everyone in the room.
"DUDE!" the audience yelled even louder than ever.
"Are you all incompetent…?" an unknown but familiar voice piped up.
"DUDE!" Haruko's captive audience replied only to realize what they just answered.
"Wait, who just said that?" the Archmage asked before a spotlight was shone on Repre S. Entative, who had his arm around Princess Katharine's neck while pointing a gun to her face. "My God, Katharine!"
"Ugh, this guy!" Rick grunted in frustration before he made an announcement. "Everybody calm down. This is just some asswipe whose shit we've rocked multiple times before. We can handle him; just calm down."
"On the contrary, Sanchez! It is you who shall have your shit rocked!" Repre cackled insanely, cluing Haruko in that his constant failures are starting to get to him. "I command you all to surrender yourself to Medical Mechanica at once, or else the little girl gets it! Do you hear me?! I am going to murder this child!"
"Unhand me, ruffian!" Princess Katharine yelled as she struggled to free herself from Repre's grasp, only for Repre to cock his gun.
"You know the drill. Castle Wyvern is now under Medical Mechanica occupation!" Repre declared as Medical Machines led by Mersid emerged and prepared to seize the castle's inhabitants. "Everybody on your knees now!"
"Are you truly sure about that, young man?" Goliath said stoically as he stood up to confront the representative director, folding his arms. "You and what army?"
"Why, the army of Medical Machines who are-"Repre declared before he noticed his Medical Machine army getting torn to shreds by the Wyvern Clan. "Getting violently dismantled by your clan. Uh, Mersid? A little help here!"
"In a minute, Repre!" Mersid called as he was stuck in the middle of a magic duel with the Archmage. "I was once one of the most powerful witches on the Boiling Isles before Medical Mechanica saved me from Emperor Belos! What can you do to come par with me?!"
"More than enough to stand a chance!" The Archmage retorted before firing his lightning spell at Mersid.
"Well, crap." Repre declared in disappointment before dropping Katharine from his captivity, and she ran back to her parents amid the chaos. "But I refuse to be seen as incompetent any longer! It's all because of those malfeasant musicians that I was made into a laughingstock and a disappointment in the eyes of my peers and especially my master, and I will make them pay no matter what!"
"Really, you're going batshit insane all because we keep treating you like the obnoxious recurring villain who refuses to leave us alone that you obviously are?" Rick grumbled. "Son of a bitch, I don't even know if I should feel sorry for you or laugh at how pathetic you are."
"Well, we'll see who will be laughing at how pathetic the other is when I take what you value the most!" Repre laughed maniacally.
"Joke's on you, almost everything I value the most is already gone!" Rick retorted proudly before Repre suddenly tazed Haruko into unconsciousness. "Oh shit, you meant her."
"And just to be safe, I'm going to keep you all from following me as I abduct your little friend here." Repre added as he shot a hole through one of Goliath's wings before throwing a flash grenade to the ground to blind the rest. "TTFE, ta-ta forever! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Okay, I have to admit, I did not see that coming," Rick commented as he blinked multiple times to regain his vision as the flash grenade's effects wore off just as Demona grabbed him by the neck and hoisted him off the ground.
"WHERE IS HE?!" Demona snarled, enraged at Repre injuring her mate for no real reason, while Birdperson helped Goliath to his feet. "WHERE IS THAT MAN?! TELL ME!"
"Hell if I know! That jackass could be going the way of Carmen Sandiego for all I know, he could be anywhere!" Rick said while being choked out by the enraged gargoyle woman. "Also, I think you might be awakening something in me."
"We need to rescue Haruko before Repre does anything horrible to her." Birdperson declared before turning to Goliath. "Are you alright, friend Goliath?"
"I am fine; it is only a hole in my wing. Nothing a long slumber can't fix for my kind." Goliath said as he nursed his wound. "Though I fear it may give me trouble flying to assist you. Do you have any other means of transportation we could use?"
"We are glad you asked." Birdperson smiled as the remaining Flesh Curtains looked to the Rick-stery Machine.
After the Medical Machines were driven away and the inhabitants of Castle Wyvern were safe from harm, the Flesh Curtains set off in the Rick-stery Machine to rescue Haruko from Medical Mechanica's clutches. What Goliath did not expect, however, was that these mysterious invaders would possess technology far more advanced than the people of this time period were familiar with, perhaps even beyond the world he knew.
"What sorcery is this?" Goliath gasped in abject awe at the massive Medical Mechanica iron looming over the Wyvern Clan and the Flesh Curtains as they flew toward the top of the factory.
"Looks like someone's bizarro idea of a work of art." The red gargoyle remarked dryly.
"That's Medical Mechanica, my friends." Rick narrated as he steered the ship towards their destination. "These irons are the company's means of ironing out all individual thought across every possible reality. Not sure what the pins are for, though. Maybe they're to make things look more menacing?"
Meanwhile, Repre watched as the Flesh Curtains and the gargoyles flew towards where he stood at the top of the factory while having Haruko tied up and gagged nearby. "Curses! How were they able to locate me so soon?! Is it because of the tracking beacon I snuck onto her?"
Haruko began responding to Repre's rhetorical question before she realized she was gagged and swallowed her muzzle in one slurp. "Maybe it's because you have a giant-ass factory that can be seen from all around for miles that looks nothing like all these creepy castles dotting merry ol' Scotland! Something tells me you're not as smart as you think you are."
Repre then angrily ripped out a piece of the railing with his bare hand in retaliation before turning to Haruko. "I'd bite that tongue of yours if I were you. You won't be needing it for long once I bring you back to my master." He then presented a hologram to the Vespa Woman, showing her what fate could await her should he succeed. "Once we take you in for processing, you can say goodbye to any free will you hold so dearly as we convert you into one of our cyborg slaves!"
"What kind of cyborg slave are we talking about here?" Haruko asked as she kept on rambling. "The one that goes "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE," or "YOU WILL BE UPGRADED"? Come on, man, don't leave me hanging!"
"I cannot wait to make you permanently shut up once I'm done silencing those silly emotions." Repre frowned before he saw Goliath touching down behind Haruko. "Uh, uh, uh, uh!"
"What's the funny noises for? You gonna ask if there's something right behind me?" Haruko sneered before she felt herself being freed from her restraints. "Hey, thanks!"
"Hand over the girl at once and order your forces' retreat, intruder!" Goliath boomed as he and the other Wyvern Clan members had Repre surrounded by gargoyles of all sorts of shapes, sizes, and colors. "You will pay for threatening the safety of our human comrades, especially the princess."
"Oh please, I was never interested in the castle anyways; I just wanted to get your attention so I could kidnap Haruko here." Repre boasted before a dog-like gargoyle beast ripped off his robot arm and began playing with it like a doggie toy. "OH, COME ON, WHY THE ARM AGAIN?!" he complained. "Medical Machines, seize these gargoyle freaks!"
"Now, this is where the fun begins." The red gargoyle declared proudly as he led his brethren into battle against the robot army while the Flesh Curtains and Goliath personally cornered Repre.
"You seem to have caught me at a bit of an awkward time." Repre chuckled weakly, trying to retain the overconfident bravado he usually presented himself with. "I was just about to leave this dimension with your little friend and have you all obliterated by my Medical Machines, but I assume you all had other plans. Please don't beat me too hard."
"Trust me, intruder, we're not the only ones you should be afraid of." Goliath boomed as Repre found himself getting grabbed by the neck by a very angry Demona.
"It is one thing to hunt down my brethren, mortal whelp, but it is another to harm my mate." Demona snarled, making a terrified Repre see his reflection in her glowing red eyes as he trembled in fear. "For that, I will kill you. Even if you come back as someone completely different, I'll kill you. Change your name. Change your form. I'll kill you again. I don't need to find meaning or a reason as to why. The very sight of you just enrages me."
"Now, calm down, lady, no need to get so violent!" Repre nervously laughed while struggling to get free from the gargoyle woman's grasp as she bared her fangs at him, causing the representative director to start wailing like a mix of an upset child and a wounded animal as he broke free and scampered away. Not run, scampered like prey fleeing from a vicious predator who has been very hungry.
"Quick, while he's distracted!" Rick commanded, prompting Haruko to pick up the Rickenbacker and leap into the air after Repre. "ATTAGIRL, HARUKO!"
"STAY AWAY!" Repre shrieked in terror as he raised his hands in sincerity to show he wanted to surrender.
"CHANCE!" Haruko yelled while she struck Repre square in his head, causing a strange horn to pop out of his forehead that only gave off a few electrical sparks before fizzling out. "Hey, you think when your boss cloned himself to make you, he forgot to make your dick size match his?"
"I get it because he's compensating for something with that arrogant façade he puts up," Birdperson smirked, causing Goliath to give him an odd look at his idiom just as Mersid emerged from a portal, injured from his fight with the Archmage but still managed to escape in one piece.
"Mersid, please save me; I was in over my head!" Repre begged for the cybernetic sorcerer's help.
"Well, looks who needs my assistance." Mersid chuckled darkly before examining the newly grown horn on Repre's head. "Hm, might need to get this one checked out." Mersid tried pushing the horn back into Repre's head by simply pushing it back in with his finger, but the horn popped out, bringing the wizard much amusement as he tried pushing it in over and over again.
"Please stop, I've already suffered enough." Repre replied dryly before falling unconscious, causing Mersid to shake his head in disappointment before picking up the arrogant representative director.
"Very well, we got what we came here for." Mersid added before looking to the Flesh Curtains. "Savor your victory, Flesh Curtains, but let this be a warning to all of you. Victory has its price. By this point, we finally have the Pirate King Atomsk in our clutches, and once we find a way to harness his power for our ends, you can kiss any individual thought you have at this moment goodbye." Mersid then let out an evil laugh as he exited through a portal while the remaining Medical Machines that the Wyvern Clan didn't tear apart fled in terror.
"And don't squanching come back!" Squanchy yelled triumphantly. "Great work, team!"
"Honestly, Demona, Goliath, and Haruko did most of the work." Birdperson admitted. "So then, what shall we do with this factory?"
"Eh, leave it." Rick rolled his eyes in response. "It's not like it'll cause any serious trouble at some point without anyone operating it. Right?"
"Don't tempt fate, Rick Sanchez." Goliath declared. "Even if the people of our time would have no idea on how to operate such a grand machine, that doesn't rule out any attempts to do so in the future."
"Yeah, whatever." Rick said as he took a sip from his flask and let out a loud belch before offering it to Goliath. "Want some?" Goliath simply glared at the scientist. "Your loss, big guy. Now, let's party!"
As soon as the Flesh Curtains returned to Castle Wyvern, they decided to celebrate their victory by performing for Princess Katharine's birthday, just as they intended to do before Medical Mechanica attacked. As always, Haruko took the lead in their performance as she sang into the mic. "Scattered dreams of that day so far and away had turned to bright stars shining overhead. Thought that they were gone, I had no idea that they were hanging by a thread." She sang before Squanchy played a riff on the drums. "When that boy was young, life was one big problem. Battered and broken, a sorry sight. And now that he looks back, he can't help but smile; it all feels so nostalgic. Isn't it strange?"
After a brief guitar break, Rick then joined in. "We watch as our time just goes by, even now. And we both know that's how it's gotta be. Can you recall that face you made? Did you frown? It seems like a dream."
"Took it all on me. I was all alone, and I felt the crisis; I felt all the love. Trapped inside a web, it was tied together, and it gets worse when I struggle!" Birdperson added. "I stood there with you when that bang blew the sky, a violent storm but a beautiful sight. Oh-so much to see, no photo could catch it; that's why we're living this life."
"We're just living for each new day!" the trio declared as their performance ran long into the night for everyone, human and gargoyle alike, to hear. "Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!"
Elsewhere, Repre was getting fitted with another new arm under the Lord Superior Officer's surveillance, Demido watching placidly as he heard his clone scream in agony from the painful surgery. "It seems that, as always, Repre has failed miserably in his task." He commented while taking a sip of wine from the glass in his hand. "Not only has he bombed at capturing the Flesh Curtains, but he was this close to bringing me Haruko Haruhara before he ran off like the absolute coward he is. Honestly, what is it about him that I'm not seeing?"
"Perhaps he's a little too overconfident for his own good, and that leads to utter incompetence," Mersid observed. "All that lusting for Atomsk's power has blinded him to basic common sense. It makes me wonder why you even keep him around when you can replace him with another clone."
"You are indeed correct. I have much more where he came from." Demido sneered as he turned around and opened up a secret room containing various clones in varying stages of development contained in cryogenic stasis. "So many choices, so little time. That reminds me, how is progress going on harvesting Atomsk's power?"
"We're making progress, but he's proven to be far more unruly than we thought," Mersid replied. "Not helped by the Fraternity and their machismo minions trying to interfere with our plans."
"Do not worry; everything will fall into place soon." Demido declared evilly. "We have all the time in the world." Just then, a large white portal opened with a sound like an explosion, and out of it came a brawny elderly woman, accompanied by a group of demon-like aliens. "Goodness, am I glad to see you."
"Alright, gang, another concert in the bag, and we kicked Medical Mechanica's asses again! Wubba lubba dub dub!" Rick cheered as he and the other Flesh Curtains held a little party in honor of their recent victory against Medical Mechanica. "Drinks are on me, guys!"
"Yeah, let's get totally wasted!" Haruko slurred while chugging an armful of beer bottles while Birdperson watched with concern on his face. "Hey, whassup, Birdie? Don't you wanna join the party? We even got Squanchy singing karaoke!"
"Party time, party time, everybody's feelin' fine 'cause it's party time!" Squanchy rapped close by.
"I'd be happy to join, my friends, but I'm just too concerned about Medical Mechanica." Birdperson stated. "Mersid had stated that they now have possession of Atomsk, and there is no telling what they could do with him to fulfill their twisted goals."
"Wait, seriously?!" Haruko exclaimed as she was immediately roused from her drunken stupor upon hearing the news, feeling nothing but shock and a twinge of jealousy that Medical Mechanica had gotten to the Pirate King so easily. "Come on, tell me more!"
"I have no idea how, but Medical Mechanica has successfully captured Atomsk and now plans on harnessing his N.O. power for whatever reason." Birdperson explained.
"Shit, I still can't believe they got to him first. I was actually planning on following that bird for a long time now." Rick declared. "I mean, can you imagine having an astral cosmic singularity who can steal galaxies to hang out with and play cards with the boys?"
"I can imagine that," Haruko replied. "So what are you planning?"
"Just this little heist I've been planning for a while now. I call it the Mechanica Mission." Rick declared while putting down a notebook with 'THE MECHANICA MISSION' written on the cover. "I've been working out a few kinks here and there at the last minute, but in a nutshell, one of us has to join the Galactic Space Patrol Brotherhood and rise through the ranks until they can get close enough to Atomsk and bring him to us."
"And then what do we do with him?" Haruko asked excitedly while bouncing up and down.
"Uh, I don't know. I didn't think I would get that far." Rick admitted nervously. "Anyways, this mission, should any of you choose to accept it, will require you to leave the band for a few years or so to go through rigorous training to be accepted as an officer of the Brotherhood. Now then, any volunteers?"
Just then, Haruko began experiencing flashbacks to her childhood days with Taro. He wanted to join the Brotherhood before Medical Mechanica invaded, regardless of how much work he would have to put in because he wanted to prove himself as a man. "Hey, Taro, when you join those Brotherhood guys, I want you to promise me one thing." She then began hearing the voice of herself as a child when she made her promise to Taro. "When we're older and you become a superstar First Class Space Patrol Officer or whatever, if I ever get myself into trouble, I want you to promise you'll come save me. Okay?"
Haruko then slapped her hand on the table as she stood up to make her choice. "I'll go!" she declared, much to the shock of Birdperson and Squanchy.
"Whoa, you look pretty sure of yourself!" Rick smirked in surprise. "You realize that by making this choice, you have to leave the band for a bit and go train with the Brotherhood? Were you even paying attention to what I was saying?!"
"Kind of, but then I just kinda spaced out while thinking of an old friend who's no longer with us." Haruko added as she turned around in sadness. "His name was Taro, but I called him Takkun. He wanted to join the Brotherhood too before Medical Mechanica invaded."
"And I assume you wish to join to honor his memory." Birdperson theorized, which made Haruko blush.
"Uh yeah, totally!" Haruko exclaimed, trying to hide her true intentions for her volunteering for the Mechanica Mission. "So, when do I have to leave?"
"We'll have to sign some paperwork first, but overall, it shouldn't take that long." Rick said with a gentle tousle of Haruko's pink hair. "Damn, can't believe you're really leaving. Feels like only yesterday when we first met her."
"Really? Feels like way longer." Squanchy remarked. "Remember how everyone on Wasprus was practically squanched when the Cromulons showed up and Haruko tried saving them all with her music? Good times, man, good times."
While Squanchy and Birdperson began filling out Haruko's necessary paperwork needed for her to join the Brotherhood, with a lot of forgery included, Haruko herself began packing her things in preparation for her big departure. Many of them were memorabilia from her adventures with the Flesh Curtains, like an Organizer stolen from Mainframe, a hunk of Palistrom wood from the Boiling Isles, one of Pink Diamond's pebbles, some spare parts she took from the Alchemist's workshop, a Marine cap she stole from one of the Marine soldiers at Canfodd, and a small handful of Scrooge McDuck's money stored in a little pouch. But one of her trinkets that caught Haruko's eye while packing was her treasured Flying V guitar that once belonged to her mother. If only Rihanna could see her little girl now.
"Hey Haruko, before you go, I just want to give you one last thing to remember us by," Rick said while holding something behind his back. "Can you guess what it is?"
"Is it a pickle?" Haruko asked. "That would be the funniest shit I've ever seen!"
"What are you, batshit insane?" Rick answered. "What's so funny about a pickle?!" He then let out a chuckle before presenting his Rickenbacker to Haruko. "I want you to have my guitar, Haruko, as a token of the times we spent together. Anytime you feel nostalgic, play a few notes and see what happens."
Haruko didn't say anything before she raced towards Rick and gave him the biggest hug she could ever offer him. Rick was hesitant and shocked at first at her sudden affection, but the best he could return the favor with was a gentle stroke of her head.
"Haruko, we have finished your paperwork!" Birdperson exclaimed as he and Squanchy walked in on the duo. "Are you ready to go yet? We are planning to dock at the nearest recruiting center to drop you off."
"Oh, I'm practically ready now; I would just like to play one final song together." Haruko said as she picked up the Rickenbacker and sat down to play it. "You ready, old man?"
"Hells yeah." Rick agreed with Haruko's idea while picking up her Flying V to play along.
"So this one's for the dreamers, whoever tried to make it." Haruko began to sing one last duet with Rick before she departed from the Flesh Curtains. "Though very few ever break through, we celebrate them when they do. Lionize them, call them great, ticker-tape parade them. But this one's for the dreamers who strive to be a winner. Go as far as they can take it. Even if they don't quite make it... This one's for the dreamers."
"Let's hear it for the dreamers who never stop believing." Rick sang together with Haruko, the young woman who went from being dragged along on his adventures to becoming like a daughter to him. Perhaps Beth would've loved having her as a big sister. "One grain of sand becomes a pearl; a great idea can change the world! They can see what others don't, try things others won't! So this one's for the dreamers who live on inspiration, go as far as they can take it, even if they don't quite make it. This one's for the dreamers."
"And I know what it's like to be misunderstood. And I know how it feels to be told you're no good. But I couldn't give up; no, I never would." Haruko continued before taking a break from singing to get introspective. "But people just took advantage of me. My distractions just consumed me."
"But for everyone that gets it right, thousands more keep up the fight!" Rick declared proudly. "They burn the fires deep in the night until they lose the light! And most just disappear, and we never hear of them..."
"So this one's for the dreamers who have the guts to risk it. To take a chance on what they think, can't stare them down 'cause they don't blink!" Haruko continued as the song reached its climax. "Ridicule or call them out; no one sees what they're about. Yes, this one's for the dreamers whose names we don't remember."
"They were close but no cigar, and we don't know who they are." Rick agreed just as Birdperson landed the Rick-stery Machine in the parking lot of a recruitment center of the Fraternity. "This one's for the dreamers."
"This one's for the dreamers." The duo sang in harmony one last time as Haruko said her farewells to Rick, Birdperson, and Squanchy.
"Like me..." Haruko concluded as she took both the Rickenbacker and the Flying V with her as she disembarked from the Rick-stery Machine for the last time.
"Go get 'em, kiddo." Rick smiled warmly at Haruko as the Rick-stery Machine prepared for takeoff. As soon as the doors to the ship closed, however, his fatherly smile disappeared in favor of his trademark smug, snarky grin. "Ha, knew she would take the jump! Kids like her can be so eager to please, am I right?"
"Even if you were stringing her along and using her to fulfill your own goals, Rick, you have to admit you did grow attached to her at some point, right?" Birdperson asked, breaking Rick's bravado and forcing him to think for a moment. "Perhaps even seeing her as your second chance at being a father?"
"Okay, maybe I did genuinely enjoy her company, but in the end, she was going to leave me regardless of whether she volunteered for the Mission or not." Rick answered. "Everybody leaves me eventually."
Meanwhile, as Haruko walked up to the front doors of the Fraternity recruitment center, her pace began slowing as soon as she pushed on the front doors, her eyes widening and her breathing getting more frantic as she had more flashbacks of simpler times on Wasprus. Of the love of her mother, of the man her father used to be. Of Taro. Haruko seemed to be on the verge of a panic attack right then and there, but ultimately, her resolve overpowered her anxieties.
"No, Haruha, focus!" Haruko muttered to herself. "Medical Mechanica had taken that life away from me long ago. I need to focus on the mission at hand. I need to focus on him." With that, Haruko pushed her way into the center, where she walked up to the nearest front desk to present her application. "I'd like to speak with your boss, please."
Notes:
And so it begins, the tragedy that transforms Haruko into the scheming miscreant has now reached its high point. Like Anakin Skywalker becoming Darth Vader, Jimmy McGill's transformation into Saul Goodman, Walter White embracing his double life as Heisenberg, Willow Rosenberg's turn to darkness, Light Yagami giving into his delusions of grandeur to become Kira, Michael Corleone's journey to becoming don of the Corleone family, Arthur Fleck snapping against society after one bad day, Powder's traumatic change into Jinx, or even Paradise Lost's version of Satan's fall from Heaven, Haruko has nowhere else to go but down in her search for Atomsk, and she won't let anyone get in her way. Not even the man she saw as a father. Meanwhile, Rick has no idea that he's been Haruko's little tool the entire time and how it's partially his fault she would one day turn out like this. It's only a matter of time before Rick learns the truth, and heaven help Haruko if she ever crosses paths with Rick in a bad mood. See you next time, I hope I won't keep you guys waiting too long.
The_Literary_Lord on Chapter 5 Sun 01 Jun 2025 07:00PM UTC
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