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Night time was the worst, he would lie in bed for hours, just staring at his ceiling. How many years has it been? He had lost count a while back, it hurt too much to maintain it. Leon rolls onto his side and curls up in a ball, his eyes meeting the picture on his nightstand. He shouldn't have taken it, he should have left it behind, but he couldn't. His body tenses and he hugs himself with tears running down his cheeks. There it was again, that smell. Cigarettes and amber, it circled him, wrapping around him.
He was going crazy, but was that really so bad? Maybe insanity was better than loneliness. It was certainly better than drinking, which reminds him. He needs to go out and get another bottle of whiskey. He didn't know what happened, but when he got home that night he found it tipped into the sink. That's how he ended up here frustrated and alone, nothing to calm his suffering. Then it was there again.
It was a pressure, soft, gentle, it left his skin tingling, and his body relaxed. It had become a regular thing, he'd smell smoke and then the pressure would follow, it was comforting, he didn't feel so alone. However it didn't stop him from crying, his fingers digging into the pillow as he let it out. A loud sob ripped from his throat, he didn't like to cry, hated it even, but when this pressure was around it's like whatever it was broke down his walls. Sliding past all his defenses like an old friend.
Leon shakes his eyes falling on the silver ring that adorned his hand. It was stupid, silly even, but he couldn't say no. He couldn't turn him down in his last moments, and honestly he would have said yes anyways. A promise ring, a promise to stay together forever. The agent had kept his word, he even told Ada how he felt and parted ways. No one was like him, he had never expected to fall in love, let alone get broken by it in the safe event. Leon runs his finger over the band, as a waft of smoke comes over his face. It was as if someone was smoking right next to him, holding him from behind.
Leon sniffles softly and lets his mind wander, he felt like a fool, but he didn't care anymore. He pictured him, it was still clear as ever. Tan skin, dark hair and that smile, always the smart ass. Leon wished he could hear those stupid nicknames, hear his incessant talking and flirting. He wished he could take back all the times he had told the man to shut up.
When he opened his eyes again, the sun was shining through the open curtains, every morning they were open despite closing them every night. This time he had gone to bed sober and he couldn't blame it on a drunken walk to the bathroom. The agent shakes his head and leans up to sit on the edge of the bed, his eyes falling on the folded clothes by his mirror. He stared at it for a moment, his heart beginning to pound. He didn't do that, and again he couldn't blame it on the booze.
Leon approaches the items carefully and picks up the baby blue button up, his fingers running over the cotton before a scent reaches his nose. Smoke. The blonde brings the shirt closer to his nose and takes in the smell. It was the same as last night, the same smell from Spain. Leon's breath hitches and his jaw tightens, it was impossible, he needed to snap out of it.
Shaking his head Leon tries to get ready for the rest of the day, though not even a shower was able to calm his mind. He didn't want to hope, he didn't want to think about it. He couldn't bear the thought if he was wrong, but the day seemed to have another surprise for him, and this time it was one he couldn't explain away.
Stepping out of his room, his right hand fumbling with the cuffs on his shirt. He wore the outfit anyways, the smoke having a calming effect or it did until he saw the counter. The agent jerked and looked around the apartment, there was no one there, he would have heard them. He was trained to after all, but he didn't hear anything nor did he find anything besides the counter out of place.
The breakfast was still steaming, a cup of coffee resting next to the full plate. He felt like he couldn't breath, tears welling up in his eyes against his will and he stumbled back until he hit a wall. He felt overwhelmed, his heart aching and ever since this all started he's been unable to keep his emotions in check. Outside his home he was fine, but here it was like someone was forcing him to let it out, to feel and grieve.
"I don't want to!" He yells tears running down his cheeks. "I don't want to accept it!"
He knew he was yelling at nothing, there was no one there or so he thought. A small scrap catches his attention and when he looks up, the chair in front of the breakfast has been pulled out. Something wanted him to sit down, was this a new bow? Was he truly going mad? Leon shook his head and approached the counter slowly, his hands shaking when he reached out to touch the chair. It was his favorite breakfast, sunny eggs, sausage, toast with jam and a black coffee.
Leon bit his lip and stood down carefully, his heart throbbing as he slid the plate closer, however before he could pick up his fork he noticed a piece of paper. He tilts his head and picks it up carefully, it was a note written in flowing elegant cursive, but he didn't recognize it at all.
Sancho,
I am sorry it has taken me so long, I have been here the whole time, and watching you suffer has tormented me. I have now figured out how all this works. How being dead works. All the pain was worth it because now I can help ease your pain. Please eat, and stop drinking. I'm going to be here when you come home.
Your Quixote.
Leon's hand shook and the paper dropped from his hand, the shakes growing until it ran throughout his body and he finally let out the loudest sob of his life, the pure anguish echoing through the apartment and he was for once thankful for the soundproof walls. If someone was fucking with him it was going to far. However something in his heart told him it wasn't a joke. That Luis was actually there with him, and if he was he was witnessing the ugliest form of crying.
"Luis..." he sobs softly.
Just like last night a smoky scent wraps around him, the pressure slowly returning. Leon didn't care and embraced it pushing back onto the pressure as he cried. If Luis was here, even as a spirit, life would be better, because that meant when he did finally leave this world someone was waiting for him. Luis was waiting for him, but before he completely let himself fall into the belief he wanted to test it.
"I...will be eat. I will come home tonight. Please, if you're here. Let me feel you" he whispers, his voice cracking.
The day went by slowly, and Leon was often distracted. Hunnigan even asked him if he was okay, he nodded and told her he had a rough morning, but that he was okay now. She accepted it this time, but he didn't know if he could keep up the act. He just wanted to go home, he wanted to see if Luis would return. It left him on edge, and when he was finally able to go home he left without a word. Hunnigan would question him tomorrow, but right now he didn't give a damn.
It wasn't long before he found himself standing in front of his apartment door. He was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of fear. What if Luis wasn't there? What if nothing happened? He didn't know if he could handle that, but he also knew he couldn't stay out in the hall all night. Leon takes a deep breath and places his hand on the door knob, turning it slowly as he slides into the apartment, the door letting out a soft click as he closed it himself.
"Hello?"
The room was silent, and when it continued to stretch on his heart sank. He placed his keys in the bowl and carefully kicked off his shoes, tears already welling up in his eyes. He hoped it wasn't a dream of a joke, that maybe, just maybe he could have something. The agent throws his jacket down on the couch before a sound reaches his ears. Was the shower running?
Leon pulls out his gun and moves slowly, stalking towards the shower, however when he opens the door the room was empty, but a note was written on the mirror.
I am here.
Leon swallowed hard and slowly made his way into the bathroom, his gun placed on the counter. He was letting his guard down, he knew it wasn't a good idea, but he needed this.
"Luis?"
A small squeak reaches his ears and he turns to see yes written on the mirror. The sight took his break away and he stepped back, nearly falling into the tub, but a pressure from behind saved him and his clothes from a mess.
"Sancho"
Leon turned his head and his eyes widened, Luis smiled at him though he looked sad, he wasn't solid, but he wasn't completely transparent either. He still wore the same silly jacket, and his gray eyes continued to pierce Leon to the core. The blonde's jaw becomes so tense it cracks, his breath coming out in short rough puffs.
"Sancho, you need to breathe. I can't hold this long" Luis whispers
Leon takes a deep breath and throws himself as Luis, it felt like he was holding solid air. It wasn't human, but it was too solid to be fake. The tears came like a waterfall, his legs threatening to give out from the intensity.
"I am here, I will always be here dulzura" he whispers "but I need you to care for yourself"
Leon shakes his head and chokes softly, his legs finally giving out, his head spinning. When he came back around he found Luis sitting on the edge of the tub, a wash cloth running over his chest gently. He chokes on air, his heart skipping a beat as he looks into Luis' eyes.
"How..."
"I refused to leave you. I have been with you the whole time, but it took me a while to figure out how to control my surroundings. Each day when you went to work I practiced." Luis explained softly, taking his time to clean Leon's body.
"Why, you deserve peace" he whispers, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip.
"Why? Look at you sancho, drinking yourself to death, not eating, I love you too much to just go have an afterlife" he frowns.
"It was only a few days," Leon whispers softly.
"Says the man still crying over me and wearing my ring" Luis smirks softly.
Leon blushes and looks down at the bath water, his eyes closing as he tries to stay calm. It seemed though that Luis had a different plan.
"Do not hide from me, let it out. Let yourself feel mi alma" Luis hums "I may not be able to hold his form long now, but I am working on it"
"Luis...if someone finds out" he whispers nervously.
"Shhh...none of that now" Luis scolds gently, the cloth moving up to wash Leon's neck. "This is about you. Now relax for me, let me care for you"
Leon shivers and rests back against the tub, his eyes suddenly feel heavy and Luis' voice is like a sweet lullaby. It brought him a sense of peace he hadn't felt in years. It didn't matter that Luis was a ghost, it didn't change how he felt and that was complete. Like a piece of his soul had been returned.
"That's it mi alma, so good for me prince charming"
Leon hums softly and his eyes slowly flutter open. He was in bed, dry and clothed, his body was completely relaxed and for once he felt tired instead of restless. He looks over at the clock and realizes it has been five hours. He couldn't believe he had slept so soundly without a single nightmare. It was almost too good to be true, but when he goes to lean up a pressure appears on his chest.
"There you are" he whispers softly, his head dropping back against the pillow. "I'll do anything for you, I'll stop drinking, I will eat more, just please stay with me"
Luis slowly appears before him, his smile a mile wide. "Deal sancho, now sleep for me."
"Hold me?"
"How could I say no" Luis hums crawling onto the bed, shifting with Leon until he could wrap around the blonde.
Leon melts into the mattress, and closes his eyes, a peace washing over him. If Luis was in his life, maybe living wasn't so bad.