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Around the seventh anniversary of Mary Hatford's death, Alex was spiraling.
His self preservation skills had kept him alive up until this point. He’d been on his own ever since, hiding in dingy nooks, rundown motels and abandoned houses. He used his mother’s contacts and stashes of money to fabricate new identities, to secure a place to stay.
It was all temporary. He barely made it out alive each time he was found. And what was the end goal? To run in circles and dodge his father's hands until he died? To somehow make her sacrifice worth it?
She was dead and he was here until he wasn't anymore.
Alex was sinking. Seven years spent alone and no reason to stay afloat.
He needed his mother. He wanted her back.
He wanted…
He wanted a drink. Something to numb his mind. The nearest liquor store wasn't currently open; he'd checked.
Alex made the decision to try a local night club. Bars were more his forte, but it was easier to hide in a throng of people. He’d feel more comfortable hidden in a crowd under dim club lights.
The problem was, he had trouble working up the nerve to go inside once he got out of a cab and stood outside the place.
Alex stared at the line of people waiting to be let in, suddenly feeling underdressed and jittery. What was he thinking?
This wasn't his scene at all.
And there was no way they were letting him in with these clothes, the nicest he owned. Maybe it was time to think of a plan B.
"Are you lost?"
Alex's head snapped up.
A blonde man was standing in front of him, appropriately dressed in fashionable black club clothes. Short and surprisingly muscled, square features, his face a blank slate.
This face was familiar. Alex was having trouble placing it.
“Something like that,” he replied at last.
Blondie’s eyes raked up and down his body. “Let me buy you a drink."
Alex’s first instinct was to reject his offer. Then he reconsidered.
"Sure. A soda."
Blondie cut the line and with a brief nod to the bouncers, they were let inside. Alex's brows furrowed as he looked back at the disgruntled outsiders.
The door closed behind them.
Loud music pounded at his ears. He squinted until his eyes adjusted to the low lights and beams.
It was packed, but Blondie shouldered his way through the crowd of grinding bodies and led them to the bar. Alex accepted a sealed can of soda and watched him order his own drink.
Blondie tipped his head to another set of doors upstairs and Alex nodded. They ended up outside on one of the club’s balconies, in the cool air.
Alex fiddled with the tab on the soda can. The stranger had a glass in his hand, filled with something amber.
They were alone.
The man set the glass on the railing so he could take out a pack of cigarettes and light one. The scent was grounding.
Alex closed his eyes, inhaling. He opened his eyes to find a cigarette outstretched to him. He took it, letting him light it up.
Out here, Alex could finally get a good look at this stranger and confirm what he already suspected.
"Andrew Minyard. Starting goalkeeper for the Chicago Cobras.” He recited this season’s stats from the top of his head.
Andrew’s face contorted at once with dismay and mild curiosity. "I'm guessing you're a fan."
Alex tipped his head. "You could say that. Though I had no idea it was you until we got out here."
He took a long drag, voice low and gravelly. “Don't expect any autographs.”
“Don't get a big head,” Alex shot back. “I wouldn't ask.”
The goalie's eyebrows raised a fraction and he flicked ash over the railing. "And you? Do you have a name?"
"Call me Alex."
He sipped at his soda as the blonde nursed his drink between drags.
Then, Andrew made a proposition. "Let's play a game.”
Truth for a truth.
Secret for secret.
Okay. Sure.
“A truth?” Alex tapped the skin beside his eyes; his green contacts. “These are fake.”
Andrew flicked his fingers dismissively. “Boring. Give me something real.”
Alex was silent, searching for something safe but real to give. He swallowed.
“I watched my mother die.”
Andrew pointed an approving finger at him. "That's more like it."
*
Hours later, they’d wrung out dozens of confessions out of one another.
Information Alex never thought he’d share. The more they spoke, the more Alex could feel the fog clearing from his head.
He learned about Andrew’s past: about foster homes, long-lost twins, a premeditated accident and withdrawal. Andrew could be lying about any of this, but Alex found himself doubting it.
Besides, he'd gotten a brief rundown of his childhood during his research on Kevin.
The more secrets Andrew shared with him, the easier it was to spill his own. Alex’s lips became looser, telling him about a life on the run.
Anytime another club goer tried to intrude on their private bubble, Andrew glared at them over his shoulder until they retreated. He mentioned getting another drink, but claimed that he didn’t trust Alex to be there when he got back.
Alex had cracked a tiny smile and conceded that point.
Vanishing was his whole shtick. He promised that he wasn't going anywhere and stayed true to his word. Andrew came back with another drink.
“You didn’t rabbit away,” he mused.
“No,” Alex confirmed.
He'd brought back a shot for Alex, feeling generous. He tossed it back after some deliberation.
He let the heat settle in his gut.
He was lighter somehow. This might come back to bite him in the ass, but right now, he was content. He was making a connection with another person after a decade of isolation.
A person who learned about the ugliest parts of him and didn't flinch away. A person whose past wasn't so pretty itself.
It was nice.
The conversation came to a lull and Alex’s soda was all empty. He crushed the can in his hands, rotating it and studying the colors.
Andrew dropped his last cigarette butt from the railing and they watched it get swept away by the wind.
"Do you want to go back to my place?"
Alex blinked, stirring. "For what?"
"I want to blow you."
For a second, Alex was thrown.
Then he remembered how Andrew had approached him. The avid interest, the lingering looks he grazed over him.
He was into him.
"Oh." He dragged his toe along the balcony’s floor in a circle, staring into the distance as he considered. He wasn't… Opposed. A mild curiosity itched at the back of his mind.
Alex had spent the night forgoing the rules his mother had set in place—don't trust anyone. He was trusting Andrew with all of his secrets, trusting him to keep his past close and not use it to hurt him.
He was desperate to feel any semblance of normalcy. He'd been on the run for fourteen years and he was sick of this chase. He wanted to do something reckless, to prove he still had control over his life.
"Sure. But I don't actually have a dick."
Andrew didn’t so much as bat an eye. "Would you like me to rephrase? I want to go down on you."
Alex looked back to him, blinking a few times.
"Oh, then yeah. Sure."
Andrew led him back inside. Then he was in a stranger’s car and they were gone. Andrew blasted the radio and there was no talking.
Alex was thankful that he’d gotten the opportunity to shower today. In his unpredictable circumstances, it wasn't always possible to wash up on a daily basis.
He memorized the route as streetlights and cars flashed by.
Then they arrived at Andrew’s place. One glance told him that this place was worth a lot, bought with an athlete's salary.
He followed him inside, taking note of all exits but also all the tells of Andrew's personal life and personality. Pictures including Kevin Day sent chills up his spine but he averted his gaze.
Andrew shooed his cats away and brought him into the bedroom.
His eyes were on him only. It was as thrilling as it was terrifying.
“Yes or no?”
“Yes.”
The kissing was nothing spectacular, but he could tell that Andrew was well-versed in it. He found himself getting into the rhythm of it.
Andrew kissed him like fighting, like he wanted to bruise his lips. When he drew back, Andrew chased his mouth and it was exhilarating.
He used his strength to haul Alex onto the bed and it surprised a noise out of him. He moved up the mattress, the blonde following his lips like he was magnetic. Excitement stirred in him.
He was the center of his attention.
There was a questioning tug at his waistband.
Alex broke the kiss. Before they got to it, he needed to address one thing.
"Wait.” The hands on him were gone within a second. “I've never came before."
Andrew arched an eyebrow, his breathing uneven. "From oral?"
Alex shrugged one shoulder. "From anything. I've masturbated, but I would always get bored before I could. I don't know if I can."
And, well, that was all true.
Sometimes, Alex would feel a spark of attraction or arousal. But it'd never go beyond a faint flicker and would sputter out. The desire never stayed.
The finger hooked in his waistband just tapped, tapped, tapped at his side.
"That's okay. Do you want to try?" There was no judgment in Andrew's voice or face.
And that's what made this feel okay. If nothing came of this, Andrew wouldn't resent him for it or hold it against him.
Alex nodded. "Yes."
"Tell me if you don't like something. But also tell me if you do."
"Okay," Alex agreed. Easy enough. "I like kissing you."
That earned him a scoff. He grinned and Andrew kissed it away.
Clothes dropped to the floor.
More kissing. His mind felt like cotton, a pleasant change from the fog before. Alex hesitated when there was a pull at his shirt.
"I need to take my binder off, just… Don't look?"
Andrew studied him for a second before backing away to give him space. He slid off of the mattress and exited the room.
Alex sat up, pulling his shirt over his head and struggling out of his binder. He tossed it with his pants, wrangling the t-shirt back around his frame. He laid back down.
A minute later, Andrew reappeared with two cold water bottles in his hand and set them on the nightstand. He favored Alex with a quick glance, eyes finding his discarded binder before he crawled back onto the bed.
His hands never strayed out of bounds, skirting around his chest and never making direct contact. Alex could breathe easy. Andrew's hand between his legs was an unexpected weight, but he granted him easy access.
They continued kissing, Andrew’s fingers exploring new territory and sliding through his folds. The other hand curled around his neck, stroking with his thumb.
Alex sighed into his mouth. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been touched without malicious intent. This intimacy was addictive. Dangerous. Everything he'd been warned against and was never allowed.
Today, he needed it too much to care.
"You're wet," Andrew noted with an almost satisfied tone. Alex paused and was surprised to find that he was wet. The blonde's fingers glistened with his arousal.
Huh.
Andrew started rubbing his clit while they kissed. It felt… Odd. But not in a bad way.
But then it began to feel nice. Alex made a light sound of approval against Andrew's lips. "I like that."
Andrew bit at his lip, sucking it into his mouth as he sped up his fingers.
Then it just began feeling good.
Alex panted, holding back the moans building in his throat. But perhaps Andrew could hear him struggling regardless, because he broke their kiss.
"You don't have to be quiet. We're alone." His voice was thick, raspy.
Alex only nodded, hesitating for only a moment. He let a few quiet moans escape him and the blond swallowed them all with enthusiasm.
Then Andrew gently pushed at his shoulder so he'd lie flat on his back. "I'm going to go down on you. Let me know if you ever want to stop.”
Alex agreed quietly. He waited.
Andrew made his way down his body, nosing through his happy trail and peppering kisses along the inside of his thighs. He made a light bite near the crease between his thigh and body, which drew a hiss out of Alex.
Something eager seated itself in his chest. He spread his legs wider and there was an endless minute where Andrew just looked, stroking his thumb along the inside of his thigh.
Then he made a small lick to test the waters.
Alex gasped, his legs jumping. Andrew stopped, drawing back a little to meet his eyes. "No?"
"It's still a yes," he forced out. He was still reeling from the little zip of pleasure that raced through him. "I like it…"
Andrew studied him for a minute then lowered his head again, repeating the motion. His warm tongue parted Alex's lips before he made a long lick upwards.
Alex inhaled sharply, but steeled his legs.
"That's good." His voice was shaky. Andrew squeezed his thigh in acknowledgement before exploring him with a broad, confident tongue.
Alex let his legs open more, exhaling slowly. He gently scratched his scalp.
When Andrew wrapped his lips around his clit and began sucking on it, Alex gasped loudly. His head hit the pillow beneath him.
"Shit…"
He'd never felt anything like this and it was really nice. Andrew swirled his tongue and Alex groaned, his fingers tightening in his hair.
Andrew drew back, his eyes darting up to his. His mouth was wet and the sight was unbearably erotic.
"You're soaked," he commented, his voice low and husky.
Alex could only whimper in response, words suddenly impossible.
He wasn't expecting Andrew's prodding tongue to slide inside of him. His legs snapped shut around his head, his hips jutting forward. Andrew's nails dug into his thighs as a warning.
"Shit, sorry," Alex apologized, opening his legs again. He was breathless.
Andrew gave him a flat look and held his legs in place to keep them from snapping closed again. Then he went back to work.
Alex's chest was heaving, his face flushed as he tried to bite his moans into the pillow.
He wondered how Andrew had such a talented mouth. He wondered just how many people he’d done this with.
He kept expecting it to end, but the pleasure just got more and more intense.
Alex could no longer control his volume, panting and groaning loudly over the wet sounds of Andrew lapping against him. He cursed obscenities into the pillow.
"Ah! Yes… Fuck, fuck…" Andrew began sucking on his clit again, humming. "Andr—ah—"
Alex tipped over the edge with a gasp, his legs shaking uncontrollably. Andrew continued his motions, drawing out his orgasm.
But Alex barely registered it, his mind blanking out.
When he came back to reality, Andrew was stroking his legs with his hands and watching him. Intent.
"Good?"
Alex tried to say yes, but his mouth wouldn't cooperate and it ended up coming out incoherent. Instead, he nodded his head and let it flop back onto the pillows.
"Really good," he added when he managed to catch his breath and remember how to speak. "I've never… Done that before."
Andrew handed him one of the water bottles. Alex twisted it open, sitting up and taking a few sips.
His entire lower body felt like jelly. His eyes dropped down, checking that his legs were still there and confirming it. His eyes wandered a little further, finding that…
That Andrew was hard. He could see the shape of it through his briefs.
Alex sat with his legs crossed beneath the covers, tapping his fingers on his ankles. He considered. He really enjoyed that. And… He wanted to make Andrew feel good too.
"I want more. Can we do more?" He asked quietly.
Andrew watched him, thinking on it. Then he nodded. "Yes."
Alex set the water bottle aside and leaned in for another kiss. He wasn’t sure how long they’d gotten lost in each other before Andrew broke the kiss and grabbed his chin.
"Do you want to go further?"
"Hm?" Alex hummed, his head still spinning.
Andrew tightened his grip on his chin, shaking him a bit. "I want to fuck you. Yes or no?"
Oh.
Alex turned it over in his mind and found he didn't hate the idea. He'd been curious about oral sex and had ended up liking it a lot.
This could be good too. He had a feeling that Andrew would make sure of it.
He nodded. "Yeah. Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes,” Alex repeated with aggravated emphasis. “Fuck me.”
Andrew stared at him before nodding decisively. He gave him a hard kiss before reaching over him to open a drawer.
Alex scooted his way back up the bed, lying his head on the pillows and watching him. Two items dropped onto the bed beside them.
Condoms. Lube.
Andrew spent some time prepping Alex with his fingers, letting him get used to something inside of him. Afterward, he pushed down his briefs, his erection springing free. He was… Thick. Girthy.
He stroked his cock a couple times, letting Alex watch shamelessly. He found himself swallowing, squeezing his legs together. Eager.
Then.
"I'll start slow."
Alex gave a quick nod. He waited for him to roll the condom on and lube up. Andrew crawled over him, getting into position. He lined the head of his cock up with Alex and pushed inside.
He held his breath. There was certainly a stretch, but it wasn't painful.
Andrew sank fully inside of him. A question formed on his face, a furrow in his brow. Alex answered before he could voice it.
"I'm okay," he assured. "It doesn't hurt."
That earned a short nod. His eyes roamed Alex's face, searching until he seemed satiated.
“I'm going to move,” he warned.
“Yeah,” Alex whispered.
Andrew began to slowly rock his hips. His thrusts were shallow and controlled, letting him get used to the feeling.
Alex had no complaints, trying his best to take him in and adjust to the pressure. He'd never been this full.
Once he was certain Alex wasn't feeling any pain, Andrew became more confident with his thrusts. Alex threaded his fingers into his light hair, leaning up to kiss him.
After crossing that brief rough patch, Andrew was no longer gentle and Alex didn't want him to be. His pace was fast. Rough.
And it felt all too good.
Alex moaned his name, his voice cracking on a particular thrust. His eyes watered, his toes curling behind Andrew's back.
Everything was slick and wet, the room filling with moans and skin slapping against skin.
Andrew panted. “Fuck, Alex… That's it…”
“Oh, god,” Alex breathed out.
Once their kisses became too sloppy and uncoordinated to be considered kissing, he latched his lips onto Andrew's neck, mouthing and peppering kisses like he had done to his thighs. The way Andrew shivered in response was reason enough to keep doing it.
His hips were snapping and stuttering out of rhythm, his breaths heavy against Alex's skin.
That new sensation snuck its way upon Alex again.
A whine forced its way out of his throat.
"Andrew," he choked out, "I… I'm gonna come—"
Andrew's voice was low and rough as he spoke in his ear, "Come then."
Where his previous orgasm had him tip over the edge, this one was a sudden vault and plummet that had him gasping for air, pawing at Andrew's back.
"Oh, fuck!"
Waves of pleasure crashed over him.
Alex was shaking, his voice reaching a pitch that would have him feel ashamed, if it weren't for the filthy noises pouring out of Andrew.
His entire body seized up until the waves subsided, leaving him spent and boneless. He was suddenly aware of nothing but the heavy breaths near his ear.
"Want to… Inside," Andrew grunted.
Alex nodded frantically, granting permission. Yes, yes, yes.
Andrew's hips stirred to a stop. He finished inside of him with a loud groan. A shudder racked his entire body.
Alex's heart was racing in his ribcage. He clung tightly to Andrew's shoulders, unable to let go or hear past the rush in his ears.
Days, years, centuries passed. Mere minutes ticked by on the bedside clock.
His hearing came back in fractured pieces. Alex could hear the distant sound of Andrew’s cats pitter pattering, electricity buzzing and cars rolling by outside.
The blonde pressed lazy kisses against his jaw, nosing at his cheek before eventually sighing.
He rose onto his elbows, his eyes flitting across Alex's face in a quick search for something.
"Good?"
"Good," Alex managed to croak out.
Whatever it was he was seeking, he seemed satisfied.
"I'm going to pull out now."
Alex nodded, loosening his grip so Andrew could move. His own hands were shaking.
He sighed, resting them flat on his stomach and closing his eyes.
He felt a dip in the bed as a body left. Something dropped into the bedside trash bin.
A door creaked open. Water ran.
He felt Andrew wipe him down with careful hands and place a kiss on his hip. More footsteps.
Another dip.
He opened his eyes again.
Andrew sat beside him, wearing briefs again and taking sips from his own water bottle. His neck and shoulders were still flushed, blonde hair tousled.
Otherwise, he looked wholly unbothered.
Alex's legs had stopped trembling but still periodically twitched from the aftershocks of his orgasm.
He blinked up at the ceiling.
He was wonderfully wrung out. If he felt like jelly before, it was something thicker now.
(Something Alex would feel hours later still on the subway.)
So.
He had sex. And it was good.
He waited for the looming feeling of regret. For the roof to cave in, the sky to fall, the karma promised to him by that shadow that followed him for indulging in intimacy.
And… Nothing.
Just the pleasant hum of his body, the soothing brush of silk sheets against his bare skin, the swell of his lips from kissing.
"Huh."
He hadn't meant to voice it aloud, but it was out in the air. He could feel Andrew's gaze on him, but he didn't ask.
He could probably figure it out.
Andrew reached for a cigarette pack sitting near his bedside ashtray. He shook one out, placing it between his lips before looking over at Alex.
"Smoke?" He offered.
Alex considered it before nodding and sitting up. He took one, leaning in so Andrew could light his stick.
The thick covers pooled around his bare hips, the only fabric covering him besides his shirt. He leaned over to crack open the window beside the bed.
Alex could sense eyes raking his bare backside, but he didn't mind.
He used the coffee mug on the windowsill as a second ashtray, inhaling more of the scent than he actually smoked.
He dropped the butt into the mug once he finished.
A look at the clock told him it was three am. Andrew was on his second cigarette, his eyes lidded as he watched him.
Alex picked up his clothes from the floor, going into the en suite bathroom. He closed the door, flipping the lights on.
He used the toilet, redressed, fixed his hair, adjusting his collar and checking for any marks. He opened his wallet, finding his spare green eye contacts.
He'd gotten rid of his former ones by Andrew's request.
Once they were in, he noted the red crescent marks on his palm from digging his nails into his skin. He gave himself some time to regroup before leaving the bathroom.
He headed to the bedroom door.
As he twisted the doorknob, his mind was already going over routes to leave this city. He'd be gone before sunrise.
Alex didn't take a last look back at Andrew.
This stranger he was leaving with all his truths, his deepest secrets, his virginity, the trust not to backstab him with any of these things.
It was unthinkable.
And he was taking that gamble.
He shut the door behind him.