Wittebanes 100 Drabble Challenge

by okayylmaocomputer97

Summary:

100 drabbles focusing on Caleb and Philip and their relationship through the years. Eventual Caleb/Evelyn. Pre-Canon, lots of speculation and headcanons. Tags will be added as I update.

Chapter 1: Birth

Mom had noticed him poking his head inside the room, and finally beckoned him over. He was too young to understand what had happened, why it smelt of blood and sweat, why midwives were crowding his mother. She watched her son’s eyes fall from her face and onto the bundle of white cloth held against her chest. Smiling, her brown eyes crinkling, she extended the bundle to him with trembling arms. 

“Caleb,” she breathed, “meet your little brother, Philip.” The blond stared down at the pulpy face wrapped in warm sheets. Tiny blue eyes met his, and Caleb’s heart melted.

Notes:

Soooo I've had a lot of these drabbles saved as drafts and I've decided to finally start publishing them! I started writing these around the time the final season was airing and I was (and still am) obsessed with the Wittebane's backstory. I'll be publishing them as I write them...however long that takes.

The timeline will skip around quite a bit, but I'll try to make everything connected and have a loose narrative.

Chapter 2: Mask

Dark walnut wood, fitted perfectly to his face, two large holes for his blue eyes to fill, two sharp horns reaching up from the top. He had been ecstatic when Caleb had presented it to him, too mesmerized to notice the little red knicks adorning his brother’s fingers, or the droplets of dark crimson on his carving knife. Caleb soon carved one for himself, a creamy hickory, with two ellipses meeting at the center. Philip quickly cried for him to discard it, because he hated not seeing Caleb’s face. 

Caleb just laughed. “I’m right here, Pip.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he smiled.

Chapter 3: Cold

The frozen air bit at their skin, sinking its bitter teeth into their bones. Their jackets did little to protect them, so they clung to each other, pressing together to feel the other’s warmth. Despite trembling shivers and chattering teeth, their spirits were high. They both loved the snow, and found great joy in it. Caleb had fashioned a sled, the perfect size for the two of them, and they’d spent hours riding it down hills, screaming in delight, Philip in the front because he threw a fit whenever Caleb tried to sit there, so, begrudgingly, Caleb relinquished his attempts. 

Chapter 4: Money

Philip never mentioned it, but he could see on his brother’s face the fleeting anxiety when the bread would run low, or their clothes would grow small on them. Philip knew they had no money on the days his brother skipped school to haul his carvings and their outgrown clothes down to the market to sell, coming back in the evenings stinking of bloody meat from taking shifts at the butcher’s. Every time, Philip begged to help. Every time, Caleb turned him down. 

“We have enough money,” Caleb lied with a smile, ruffling his little brother’s hair. “Don’t ever worry.” 

Chapter 5: Together

When Mom and Dad died, Caleb learned loneliness. Philip was the only being he could call family, the only being that stuck around with him. He had friends at school and was familiar with the townspeople, but they did not fill the gnawing loneliness that ate away his insides. Philip was a ray of light in his dark world, his reason for getting out of bed and dressing himself and putting on a smile for his baby brother. They had each other, and that was all that mattered. When Caleb was with Philip, he knew they could face anything together.

Chapter 6: Flavor

Caleb was the better cook, this Philip knew. Savory potato stew - it was Mom’s recipe, though Caleb didn’t remember all of it, but it still turned out delicious every time - or tender lamb, or fluffy bread smothered with butter. He brewed a dark roast perfectly and steeped tea the perfect amount. His best, though, were his signature flapjacks. He made them every Sunday to eat after church, filling the house with the smell of creamy batter and sweet syrup. Philip loved watching him cook, closing his eyes and listening to the batter sizzle on the pan. They tasted like bliss. 

Chapter 7: Joy

Joy was found in many things. Caleb found it when admiring a fresh carving and basking in his work, or singing his favorite hymns in church, or watching the autumn leaves dance in the air as they fluttered to the ground. Philip preferred the smell of fresh ink, or stories of the Earth flooding and plagues rained upon Egyptians, or the feel of his brother’s hand in his as they walked to school. When they had first arrived in Gravesfield, their spirits were low. But becoming witch hunters with the townspeople, forgetting themselves in the mob, gave them both joy.

Chapter 8: Knife

It had been his father’s - one of his few possessions Caleb had kept. Sharp metal fused into maple. It sat sturdy and unyielding in his hand, declaring itself a strong, loyal knife, and his fingers fit perfectly around the handle to maneuver it as he pleased. His whittling skills came innately, and with every flick of the knife his expertise grew and strengthened. The blade effortlessly carved through wood to bring its master’s desires to fruition.

Once, he foolishly handed it to Philip. It was quickly wrenched back when the younger jokingly waved it around and sliced Caleb’s arm open. 

Chapter 9: Faith

Church on Sundays. Prayer before bed. Grace before meals. These were unbreakable habits for the people of Gravesfield, and the Wittebanes were no exception. Caleb kept the Bible their father had owned, and later bought a separate one for Philip, bound in black leather, HOLY BIBLE painted in gold across the cover. At night, cuddled in bed, Caleb would read stories from the Good Book to Philip until he fell asleep. Caleb liked stories of blessings and forgiveness. His favorite was Joseph’s reunion with his brothers. Philip was more enchanted by the part where he was abandoned in a pit.

Chapter 10: Tears

Philip’s tears showed themselves to Caleb often. Scrapes from a fall, a mean thing someone whispered at school, nightmares that haunted his waking hours, being beaten at his favorite game. Caleb never teased him, never looked at him with pity or exasperation, just held him tenderly for as long as he needed and wiped the tears from his cheeks with his calloused thumbs. Caleb kept his tears eternally hidden from Philip, and Philip found himself yearning to see them whenever he caught his brother with bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes, hurriedly wiping the wetness away. Why wouldn’t Caleb let him see them?

Chapter 11: Soft

It’s well past morning and school has surely started by now. Caleb grumbles something about we should really get up but he makes no effort to do so. Philip nuzzles deeper into the cozy, warm sheets, pressing his face into Caleb’s hair, breathing in his scent, soft blond locks tickling his skin. Caleb’s getting too big for the shared bed now, his arms and legs taking up too much space and awkwardly bumping into Philip’s small frame. The comfy mattress cradles their sleepy bodies, fuzzy cotton blankets hugging them while memories of late-night stargazing and storytelling swirl behind sleepy eyelids.

Chapter 12: Sharp

Caleb’s knife is sharp, this he knows because it’s nicked and cut his fingers and hands more times than he can count by accident when he’s whittling. Philip's wit is sharp. He catches lies before they can leave a mouth and remembers seemingly everything, knows how to speak words cruel enough to shatter strong hearts. 

Pitchforks are sharp, they dig into witches' backs when they’re dragged in chains to the gallows, leaving behind bloody spots on their funeral gowns. Sharp like the sound of agonized screams from burning witches or of necks snapping under the weight of their own bodies.

Chapter 13: Moonlight

They met her beneath barren trees bathing in cold, silver moonlight. Glimmering eyes the color of moss pierced their souls, pearly white teeth revealing themselves through rosy lips in an impish grin. Wild hair, brown like the earth, wavy locks peeking out from underneath a thick cape, red as smoldering embers, wrapped around her creamy ivory skin. Caleb’s blond hair glowed like an angel’s under the moon, and he was overwhelmed by her beauty, his breath flying from his lungs, his aghast brother trembling. The stars watched them from above with shimmering eyes. Two humans and a witch crossing paths.

Chapter 14: Horror

Witches had sharp teeth and nails like knives, blemished, rotting skin and crooked noses, eyes like Lucifer’s and chilling laughs. At least, that’s what everyone said. Why, then, did this witch look like a human, sans the pointed ears? 

Philip quaked in his shoes as he peered from behind a tree. She must be a changeling, an agent sent by the Devil to punish children. He opened his mouth to speak, but found his voice was stuck in his throat, fear digging into him, paralyzing him. His horror only grew when he saw his daft brother approach her, utterly entranced.

Chapter 15: Confused

Prior to this, Philip had thought Caleb a reasonable, logical person. Now, he gave his brother a flabbergasted look when he was told that he wanted to see the witch again. 

“I just think - maybe witches aren’t all that bad,” was Caleb’s response when asked why. “Evelyn seemed friendly, didn’t she?”

Philip couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and shook his frowning head in disbelief. 

“Look, I’m going to see her again.” Caleb noticed Philip’s perplexed face. “You can come if you want. Just…don’t tell anyone, okay?”

Philip reluctantly agreed, if only because he didn’t want to see Caleb hanged.

Chapter 16: Chocolate

“I still can’t believe you’ve never had chocolate,” Caleb said, grinning. He retrieved the delicacy from his jacket pocket and peeled the wrapping off, revealing a small, brown rectangle.

“I still can’t believe this is something humans actually eat,” replied Evelyn, studying the chocolate. They were bathed in the warm yellow of a light orb, cast by her. They met under the cover of darkness, when the world was asleep and still. 

She popped it into her mouth, a contemplative expression on her face as she evaluated the flavor. Finally she spoke. “Alright, bring some every time from now on.” 

 

Chapter 17: Lullaby

Come live with me and be my love,

And we will all the pleasure proves

A hand on each head, blonde and brunette locks tickling her fingers. The cherubs are sleeping soundly, slow breaths blowing warmth against her skin. Momentarily, her exhausted eyes dart to the window, the pale indigo of dawn peering through the curtains. The mob would be here for her soon, the noose already tied, the stake already ablaze. 

For now, she returns to her sons, eyes wet with sadness rolling down her cheeks. Dalilah sings again.

By shallow rivers to who falls

Melodious birds sing madrigals.

Notes:

Lullaby used is this 16th century English folksong : https://www.contemplator.com/england/livewme.html
Puritans used folk songs or hymns as lullabies for their children.

Dalilah is the name I've chosen for Caleb and Philip's Mom. Trust me, it was the least insane Puritan name. Look it up. They gave their kids wack names.

Chapter 18: Triumph

Their love corporealizes with every kiss, every touch, every press of his lips to her skin or every finger slipping perfectly between the other as she takes his hand in her own. The universe has laws written into its fabric, into the stars and the black void gluing everything together. Like how Jesus saves and Caleb finds his promises in the wisps of her hair and the sound of her voice. At night, he slips his eyes shut and dreams of her smell overpowering the scent of burning flesh and wet wool, her ambrosial eyes distracting him from cloudy ones.

Chapter 19: Pride

“Are you proud of yourself?” sneers Philip, fingers splayed out like claws. The sunset is blood-red and the air is hot. “Are you proud of lying to me?”

“Of course not!” Caleb snaps, veins popping in his throat as he raises his voice. It’s so rare and so unlike him, it startles Philip like he’s just heard a clap of thunder. He’s a tree in a field and Caleb is a storm on the horizon. “You think I wanted to lie to you? Of course not! ” His face turns red like it always does when he’s upset. 

…Is he lying?

Chapter 20: Sunlight

When the first sunny rays peeked through the window, Philip’s favorite part of the day was starting. Sunlight crept further across the sky, emerging from her slumber, and Philip felt her warmth on his skin grow stronger and stronger as the morning began. He and Caleb walked hand-in-hand to the town square. Philip would finally see what the daylight had revealed - corpses that had been tried and executed and hung, or the ashes of a witch that had been caught before dawn. Raiding them during human sleeping hours were effective as witches, too, slept at the same hours humans did.

Chapter 21: Sin

“You’re being glubbonous, Evelyn. Isn’t- isn’t that what your boyfriend would say?”

Evelyn scowled at Lucanna. “You mean gluttonous. And no, Caleb said eating is only considered gluttony if it harms oneself. Got? A? Problem?” She punctuated each question with a dip of her bread into the brown, aromatic soup. 

Lucanna rolled her eyes. “Whatever. That human’s super weird.”

“Lucanna, maybe you think he’s weird because you don’t know him very well!” Rosalyn chided. “How about you go with your sister the next time she visits Caleb?”

“No way!” Evelyn cried, her face turning crimson. “Papa, say something!” 

Callum shrugged.

Notes:

This is my take on Evelyn trying to understand Caleb's culture. Imagine she's explained a bunch of Christianity stuff to them and respect it out of courtesy.
I added some family members for Evelyn...I guess technically they're OCs. Lucanne is her younger sister, Rosalyn is her Mom, Callum is her dad. I'd also like to give her some more siblings in the future.

Chapter 22: Circle

Yellow light trailed behind her finger as if she were painting the air. A circle of light was drawn, its rays swimming towards her fingers as she manipulated the magic. Her thumb, index, and middle fingers reached upwards, and her ring and pinky were curled downwards. The golden nebula danced in the air, shimmering incandescent rays flowing into the center, rivers meeting at the ocean. They conglomerated into a convex ball, like the sun had shrunk and was now hovering above her open palm.

Caleb’s breath was released from its long hold. “Let there be light,” he whispered. Amazing. Terrifying.

Chapter 23: Family

Their love did not come at first sight. It took work, and it took time. It was like a long boat ride with no map. Different than the boat they found themselves in, a blonde newborn wrapped tightly in cloths gifted to him by his grandparents upon his birth. 

“I remember a different Creedence,” Delilah says one night, when Caleb is asleep and she and Creedence find themselves in the little moments between being parents and being lovers. 

Creedence strokes her hair, gorgeous and soft as ever. “How was he different?”

“He was alone,” she whispers, “But now he’s not.”

Notes:

Delilah and Creedence = Caleb + Philip's Mom and Dad
My timeline headcanon: Caleb was born shortly before his parents moved to the American Colonies from Britain. Philip was born in Connecticut.

Chapter 24: Rage

“She poisoned me!” Thomasine screamed, grabbing her throat. “Look, the marks on my skin are the same as those on Sir Creedence Wittebane!” she hooked her fingers under her sleeves and pulled them up her arm, revealing red dots all over her skin.

“It’s some ritual!” she gasped, trembling and sweating profusely. “First her husband, now me!”

“Who’s next, witch?!”
“Stay away!”

They chased the witch and her spawnlings out of the town, out of the church. Even after her illness abated and skin cleared, Thomasine remained enraged. Her poor Creedence had died, rejecting her advances, wedded to the witch.

Notes:

Soooo, so Wittebane family lore in this chapter. To expand upon it in the notes, since I can type more than 100 words here, this is my headcanon and OCs: Thomasine was a local woman who, in today's terms, would be called a whore. She tries to seduce Creedence Wittebane while he is married to Delilah and they have infant/baby Caleb and Philip. Creedence is a faithful married man who genuinely loves Delilah so he turns down Thomasine's advances. Coincidentally, shortly after he contracts measles and dies within a few weeks. Thomasine actually catches it from him since he was forced to run into her at the last church he attended before he became symptomatic.

Anyways, Thomasine uses this coincidence and accuses Delilah of witchcraft and poisoning Creedence and herself. The town, being the medically ignorant 17th century Puritans they are, believe this, since due to my surface-level research measles was not known in 17th century so the people would easily believe its witchcraft, and quickly hang Delilah, orphaning Caleb and Philip. Caleb and Philip are abandoned by the townspeople since they are sons of a witch, and so they pack up their stuff and move to Gravesfield, where no one knows their past in their hometown.

Cruelly, Thomasine survives her bout of measles and causes an outbreak in the town...luckily Caleb and Philip are gone before they can catch it. This is what I come up with for the Wittebane backstory here. Thanks for reading and baring with my personal headcanons and inserts.

Chapter 25: Warmth

The fireplace crackled and shared its warmth with the clump of figures nestled in front of it. Evelyn rested her head on Morrigantha’s wide shoulder, while her lap was occupied by Lucanna’s head and shoulders. Warm blankets swaddled the three sleeping witchlettes, their parents embracing behind them, watching their babies through hooded, loving eyes. Evelyn gently rose from her sleep, orange flames greeting her. Saying nothing, Evelyn closed her eyes and inhaled. She smelled spices and tea, felt the weights of her sisters against her, the presence of her parents, the warmth of bodies and blankets and fireplaces and love.

Notes:

More OCs...yay!
Morrigantha is oldest Clawthorne daughter (age 17 at start)
Lucanna is youngest Clawthorne daughter (age 9 at start)
Evelyn is middle Clawthorne daughter (age 11 at start)

Also, with this chapter we are now officialy 1/4 or 25% of the way through the challenge, yay again! Thanks for sticking with me so far!

Chapter 26: Fire

Morrigantha grabbed Evelyn’s cheeks. “Remember, Evie, just say the word and I’ll beat the crap outta anyone you want!” She cackled as Rosalyn smacked her head, her laughs muffled by her mother’s hand over her mouth. 

“ Morrigantha! ” Rosalyn seethed through clenched teeth. Rosa’s heart ached as she watched her daughter tremble behind the curtain, waiting for her cue to walk on stage and perform her fire magic routine for the Bonesborough Harvest Festival.  Evelyn’s name was called by the announcer. 

“Knock ‘em dead, kiddo.” Rosalyn winked.

Evelyn smiled and strolled away, radiant orange flames crackling beneath her fingertips, sparks flashing.

Notes:

Clawthorne lore woooo

Chapter 27: Tea

“Ah, dear brother, I am reading your fortune-” Caleb snorted as he heard Philip’s eyes roll melodramatically, “- and your tea leaves reveal to me a…a- an arrow!” Caleb mocked a wide-eyed, gasping expression, reveling in the porcelain teacup. Philip snatched it from him and sneered at the mess of black tea leaves floating in dark liquid. 

“ Arrow?” Philip jeered, “All I see is leftover tea. Where did she learn this from, again?”

“From her mother,” Caleb replied sharply. “Her mother runs a tea shop, so she’s quite the expert on this,” he added matter-of-factly, and it grated against Philip’s skin.

Notes:

Caleb is practicing the art of reading tea leaves, aka tasseography! Rosalyn taught it to Evelyn, who taught it to Caleb! Maybe in return Caleb will teach his woodcarving skills...who knows!

Philip as usual has to be a bummer and a skeptic. Reading tea leaves isn't very 17th century Puritan Christian...watch out, Caleb!

While writing this chapter, I was thinking of the scene from Coraline where she does this exact thing with Miss Spink and Forcible, and they argue over if it's a giraffe or a hand 🤣 lowkey wanted to have Caleb and Philip do that for this chapter 😂

Chapter 28: Embarrassed

Evelyn slid her skirt off her hips, letting it pool around her feet, revealing pumpkin-colored shorts held to her hips below a red, collared blouse.

“What?” She shrugged, responding to Caleb’s gobsmacked stare. “You’ve worn shorts before. I’m not getting my skirt wet!” 

Caleb’s face burned red. “Yeah, b-but…it’s…” he trailed off into an incoherent mumble. He noticed how much taller Evelyn had grown since the previous summer. Her legs were longer now, disappearing into the blue lake water.

“Improper?” Evelyn scoffed, lips curling into a devilish grin. “One more complaint about my attire, Wittebane, and I’ll be swimming naked.”

Notes:

Oh Caleb, you poor Puritan boy having a heart attack seeing Evelyn's legs and ankles! How lewd.

Chapter 29: Oddities

“Chocolate, pancakes, sweet potato.” Caleb shook his head. “I can’t believe there are so many foods you’ve never had.”

Evelyn laughed. “Says the one who has never had my papa’s signature smoked Tree-Toppler Falcon. The meat is marinated for three days.” She pinched her fingers and pressed them to her lips. “ Mwah! Wash it down with some apple blood.” She curled her fingers as if grasping an invisible cup, mimicking drinking. Caleb shook his head.

“What terrifying poultry! In my realm, the wildlife is far kinder. Look,” he pointed overhead to a red bird sitting on a branch. “A cardinal.”

Chapter 30: Loneliness

Against the dark backdrop of the vaulted ceiling, Caleb’s skin looked ghostly as he stretched his arm above himself, holding it midair and staring at his hand. He could still feel the warm presence of Evelyn’s palm in his, feel their fingers interlacing, the slight poke of her long fingernails on his knuckles as they came to rest atop them. She had painted them pink this time, inspired by the milkweed that grew in his world. Milkweed is one of her favorites, Caleb suddenly remembered, the factoid popping into his head. 

His chest hurt. Lonely again, even with his brother.

Notes:

Milkweed is a pink flower that is native to Connecticut.

Chapter 31: Quiet

Quiet mornings with quiet boys in a quiet house in a quiet town. Quiet water that has stilled above drowned witches. The quiet one can find occupying the space in the air where there were once agonized screams of burning witches. Quiet prayers muttered in old churches by miserable people. 

Quiet nights with quiet lovers in a quiet forest near a quiet town. Fabric rustling quietly against the grass as she spreads her cape over it and they lay their backs on it, gazing deep into the stars. Quiet gulps as they realize how small they are in the universe.

Chapter 32: Lust

The first time it happened, she flung her window open and stuck her feet into the snow that had piled up overnight. Her skin was so hot, her feet were quickly soaking in warm water. Nothing came up when she attempted to remember the dream, but the next words out of Lucanna’s smug mouth told her everything she needed to know.

“You were moaning reaaaaally loudly last night.” 

Followed immediately followed by her running down the hall and away from Evelyn, of course. Evelyn swung her legs back inside, sliding down the windowsill, glass panes rattling upon being slammed shut.

Notes:

Lewdness? In my Owl House fanfic? It's more likely than you think.
I wanted to focus on Evelyn lusting after Caleb, since I feel most of the time it's from Caleb's perspective.

Chapter 33: Assuage

C:\Users\Philip Wittebane

powershell “start cmd -v runAs 

if where is caleb echo i’m afraid my brother is not in town at the moment he’s gone to boston in search of premium wood for his carvings

if you’re brother is awfully odd echo i agree he has his eccentricities but he is a good man with a good soul

set “_MY_BROTHER_IS_PERFECT_=My Brother Is A Liar” hostname

ksetup /mapuser calebwittebane suspicious

ksetup /mapuser philipwittebane liable

echo good to finally see you after three days 

echo i know where you were

mkdir i will save him

nslookup set retry zero

Notes:

Okay...this was fueled by sativa and apple juice. But mostly sativa. I thought it would be cool to write it in code even though I know nothing about code and just used templates from tutorials. You probably shouldn't run this in your console terminal....though if you do, let me know what happens.

Yeah I dunno what the fuck I'm doing. Lmao what is this. I'm fucking baked. It just made sense to do it this way.

The websites I used to research and find the command lines can be found here and here! Super helpful.

I wanted to tell a story using lines of code.

Chapter 34: Bread

There once was a witchlet who carried bread in her satchel for seven days. She did this because, in her infinite wisdom, it was the catalyst that would raise her class standing from the current dredges to, if not the top, then at least a notch marginally higher. 

Facing everyone, she lifted the brown loaf. Now was the difficult part - selling a facade of confidence in her knowledge of human delicacies.

“Saaaaahhwerrr d’ohhhh,” declared Evelyn, enunciating each syllable slowly and clearly, letting the foreign words soak into the ears of her peers. The sahwer d’oh enraptured all. It had worked.

Notes:

Sourdough bread was common in colonial America.

Chapter 35: Question

1. Are you there, God?
1. Yes. 
2. No. 
2. Will I ever get the parchment and ink from Delaware Colony I sent for last August?
1. Patience is a virtue, Philip. 
2. My words deserve better than linen rags.
3. I wish you could tell me what Caleb is hiding from me.
1. I work in mysterious ways, Philip.
2. That’s not a question.
4. Why did you give me an imbecile for a brother?
1. Keep loving one another earnestly, Philip. 
2. Who says Caleb is the imbecile?
5. What do I do, Lord?
1. Your determination is your blessing; your blessings are your strengths. 
2. Where did you get that knife, Philip?

Notes:

"Keep loving one another earnestly" is from Peter 4:8

Parchment was considered a luxury and only used for very important documents. Linen or cotton rags/cloth was typically used as paper.

Chapter 36: Disappointment

Atlin wakes up at eight in the morning, hungover and pissed off. Pissed off because they have a date with Morrigantha at noon, meaning they have to fly over on their palisman, meaning they can’t drink until after the date. 

They suffer through the morning sober, gulping water and shoveling griffin eggs into their stomach. The date is wonderful. Morrigantha is as beautiful and charming as ever, the afternoon filled with her company and body. 

Finally at six, glorious wine welcomes Atlin home. The buzz feels familiar and right, a comforting place where they can ignore their disappointment in themselves.

Chapter 37: Enamored

What witch could ignore that gobsmacked look

Slapped ‘cross the face of a daughter shook

But a face enamored  

Of a daughter well-mannered

Means Mama will read her like a book.

 

The blush of her nose, her forehead, and toes

To Rosalyn it all but shows

First the first daughter

(What luck that she caught her…)

And now the next one in love throes!

 

But guess what Rosalyn really fears?

Whether her grandchildren will have round or pointy ears!

But that’s long ahead

Though she’ll keep this fantasy well-fed

Don’t tell her the woes that await these next ten years.

Chapter 38: Dance

Number Fifteen - Drunk Human Dance Fail

The last thing you’d want at your annual Harvest Festival dance party is some drunk human dancing. But as it turns out, that might just be what you get. A resident put up a poster anonymously to the Bonesborough bulletin showcasing a human drunkenly dancing at a witch family’s Harvest Festival party, with the statement: “This is the human you see at you Bonesborough.” Admittedly, he had shoes on, but that’s even worse.

An illustration documenting a scene of a tall, blonde human holding apple blood, with his feet in two buckets of lettuce

Chapter 39: Escape

THE WICKED WITCH HUNT 

Location: Gravesfield, CT

Storyline: You and your teammates are witches, and after a visit to the human realm goes awry, you now find yourselves on the run from a Puritan mob hellbent on catching you! While your trusty brooms swept you over to the graveyard where the portal between the two realms lies, the mob is rapidly catching up. Only sixty minutes remain until they reach the graveyard. Can you and your team find the ingredients necessary to activate the portal and escape your doom? 

Note: This bewitching classic is one of our most popular rooms! 

Chapter 40: Lie

Every day begins with the same lie Atlin tells themselves: Today will be different. Today will be the last day I drink or smoke. In fact, I’ll just throw my pipe out right now.

Then the next lie: A last smoke wouldn’t hurt. A last drink wouldn’t hurt. One last hurrah. Just so I feel normal today.

Followed by: You know, my habits aren’t really that bad. No one but me knows. It’s my little secret.

Of course it’s not the smoke or the drink they love. It’s the sweet poison within those things. 

Every day begins the same: miserably.

Chapter 41: Garden

“I dunno what we’re doing wrong, Pip,” sighed Caleb. He dragged the back of his hand across his forehead, smearing dirt into his sweat. 

“Correction,” Philip chided, marching over, “what you’re doing wrong.” His perpetual scowl was interrupted by a look of pity, directed more to the failed attempts at vegetables than his brother. “Poor things had to endure your torture for far too long.” He shook his head, eyes cast downwards on the corpses of carrots and lettuces, blackened and shriveled in the sun, flies buzzing around reeking mush that was once leaves. 

Just another disappointment from his brother. 

Chapter 42: Feather

This study tested whether having a cardinal feather present when confronting Caleb about a familiar affects his demeanor. Two days were randomly selected to conduct the experiment. The same questions were asked with slightly different wording to prevent suspicion. The participant (n=1) answered questions while facial expressions, sweat, and verbal stutters were measured. An independent samples t-test was conducted and the results were statistically significant, t (1)=3.43, p =0.05 (Appendix C), implying Caleb does display a difference in demeanor when confronted about the familiar with a cardinal feather present. The hypothesis was supported. It is his.  

Chapter 43: Rain

Notes:

Director’s Note: Hi, I’m Jason Bateman, director of Taconic. Dana had approached me after The Owl House ended and said, “Jason, buddy, I love your Ozark show. Disney just canceled my show. Would you do a prequel?” I was floored. I love The Owl House. I'd been watching it since the very beginning. It’s a great show. A really, really, great show. Top notch.

So, of course I took up her offer. I was fresh off of doing Ozark for Netflix. I was stuck Missouri filming a show about...what was my character even doing? Laundering money? I called Vince Gilligan, called him right up and said, “Vince, buddy, your show was great but I’m gonna make one even greater. I’m gonna – it’s gonna be a great show. Folks will love it. And we’re gonna film it in Connecticut.” I laughed a lot, we laughed a lot. Vince said I have his blessing. You know, he even offered to ring up Bryan and Aaron to play the roles of Philip and Caleb. But I told him, “Love the idea, Vince, but Philip and Caleb aren’t cooking meth in Albuquerque.” And Vince looked– he looked me in the eye, folks, just looked me right in the eye and got real close in my face and said, “We’re done when I say we’re done.” And that was the start of Taconic.

That same night I went home and booted up my laptop – just booted it right up. You know, you press the button and boop! And the screen comes on with the lights flashing. Wow, we just – you just can’t get this technology anywhere else in the world. I mean, Dell, HP, Lenova. We’ve got it all folks. Apple, love 'em They make those Macbooks. I love my Macbook. It’s so shiny. A lot of people ask me, “Jason, what’s the best laptop?” And I tell them look, we know what the best laptop is. We’ve had nearly sixty years of great laptops. You know the answer.

I start Taconic as director. Vince got Bryan and Aaron to play Philip and Caleb. He even got Krysten for Evelyn. It was the most amazing thing. Seeing all these celebrities coming on to my set. My set, folks, my set! I was like, “Hallelujah!” Hallelujah, folks, it was so, so incredible. I joked to Vince when Krysten came on set, I told him, “Vince, don’t go making her overdose on heroin and choke to death on her own vomit!” And Vince just looked at me and was just staring at me. Oh man, I felt so awkward. But it was fine. Aaron and Bryan and Krysten all played their roles perfectly.

For this scene, Dana actually helped us. By the way, I love Dana. She’s my favorite Disney creator. If I’m being honest, I mean, if I’m being honest. Dana is one of our finest creators. I mean, just look at her. Incredible, right? Dana, you’re really incredible. You’re not afraid of putting gay stuff in shows, are you, the shows on Disney Channel? I didn’t think so. Dana came up with the character Tellno. That was the first time I’d heard about it – the Tellno character, the Tell-No – that’s a Puritan name. Many people didn’t know that. But the moment I heard that name, I knew it was a Puritan name. No one knows Puritan names like I do. I love ‘em, love the Puritan names.

The night we finished filming this episode, it started raining. I’m serious. Just like in the script. I thought to myself, “Is that you, God?” It was a sign from heaven. I had rode my bike to work that morning. It was a beautiful morning, with the sun shining and the birds chirping. But now it was raining. I thought I’d have to sleep on set. But Dana came over to me. And you’re gonna love this – she offered to drive me back in her car. And I was so…honored. So humbled. Dana Terrace, this god, offering me a ride back to my penthouse in her car. Did you know the first car was invented by Henry Ford? It’s an incredible piece of equipment, the car. I love our cars. Chevy, Ford, GM, I mean, these are legendary names. Legendary names. You know them, you love them. The Dodges and the Rams and the Jeeps. Safe, reliable, powerful cars.

So Dana, she pulls up in her car. It was clean, it was nice. A nice car. I hop in and we start driving. And it’s pouring rain. I’m talking torrential rain. Dana starts talking to me about her life, her jobs, her dreams. She talked about The Owl House and my show, and said my show was exactly what her vision was. And I was so honored and humbled to have Dana Terrace, people, Dana Terrace telling me how my show is the fulfillment of her dreams. I was so emotional. I burst into tears and start thanking her. I’m sobbing and going, “Thank you, Dana, thank you.” And Dana just smiles at me.

And you know, that night, I was lying in bed, staring at my ceiling. I thought hard about Taconic. I thought about this scene. It’s an amazing scene. I couldn’t have done it any better. I think – I really think we got it perfect, folks. It’s a perfect scene. They’re gonna show this on the Disney Channel and people will love it, everyone’s gonna love it. It’ll be a huge success. Huge success, I promise you that. Thank you. Thank you and God bless.

TACONIC

Season 36 Episode 12: The Rumor

 

Directed by

Jason Bateman

COLD OPEN

FADE IN:

NIGHTTIME. Soaring over the town of Gravesfield. Rain pours upon the colonial town. We soar over to a dense forest and close in on…

EXT. FOREST 

CALEB and EVELYN cuddle together under a tree. Evelyn’s magic shields them from the rain and illuminates their faces. Speech is inaudible. Their faces lean in and kiss. Camera pans behind, revealing TELLNO standing in the distance. LIGHTNING flashes, illuminating his horrified face. THUNDER booms dramatically. Tellno spins around and takes off.

CALEB

(nonchalantly)

Hear something?

EVELYN

No. Nothing.

Chapter 44: Rumor

Well, Governor Willem heard it from his colleague Wrestling, who heard it from his wife Aphara, who heard it from her sister Liberty, who heard it from her brother Johnathan, who heard it from his son Josias, who heard it from his friend What-God-will, who heard it from his cousin Temperance, who heard it from her mom Felicity, who heard it from her husband Tellno, who saw the whole thing with his own eyes. 

One mistake. One careless rendezvous in the forest to seal his fate at the hands of an angry mob.

Death knocks. Don’t answer the door, Caleb.

Notes:

Author’s Note: Vince Gilligan here. Don’t believe a word Jason said in the previous chapter’s note. Here’s how things really went down:

Jason calls me up and starts talking about his new show. A prequel to Dana Terrace’s The Owl House. Starts bragging to me about how it’ll be better than my shows. I just brush it off. I’ve got thick skin. But then he starts badgering me about getting Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul for the two lead roles. Talking about how I gotta convince them to get on the show, how much money they’ll make, how they'll be Disney Channel stars, etc. I try explaining I can’t force them to be in a show if they don’t want to, and we argue back-and-forth for twenty minutes. I finally say I’m done with the conversation, but Jason says “We’re done when I say we’re done” and immediately hangs up on me.

It’s radio silence for a bit. Then I get emails from Bryan and Aaron saying they read Jason’s script, loved it, and instantly signed on. And Krysten Ritter signed on, too.

To this day, I still don’t know who contacted her.

The following weeks are full of Jason calling and texting nonstop. Begging me to go to Connecticut to help him direct. At this point, I’m very frustrated. I’m wanna get away from him. In an act of desperation, I pay $150 for a seance in my house to channel the ghost of John Patterson to give me advice, since The Sopranos is where this all started. But my medium fucked up, and now John is stuck in the body of a twenty-something-year-old hippie who was probably on molly or acid during the seance.

Well, now I’ve got a ghost squatting in a human squatting in my house. I finally give up. I get a one-way ticket to CT and fly in the following morning. I didn’t tell Jason I was flying in, but when I get to the carousel at baggage claim he’s already there, holding my duffel bag and waiting for me with this big smile on his face. I’ve never gotten stronger serial killer vibes from a non-serial killer.

The hell that was directing the show is a blur. One memory that stands out to me is when we were filming season 36. We had a crazy flash flood the night after we finished shooting an episode. I was walking to my Uber and noticed Jason standing in the rain and crying. He was muttering something about making Dana’s dreams come true and how everyone will be thanking him. Needless to say, I was on a flight back home the very next day and I haven’t worked with Jason since.

Chapter 45: Confession

It’s screaming and crying and gasping. It’s sprinting and stumbling and limbs getting tangled. It’s terror and euphoria and My-God-What-Have-I-Done all at once. It’s all the I won’t let them hurt you and I won't let them take you away from mes they sob into each other’s necks. It’s the bloody knees, smoldering hair, muddy shoes.

The door shuts, collapses in on itself and vanishes. He’s never felt more alive. He’s never felt more hopelessly doomed. 

When he asks why, she will confess her love to him. And when she turns the question on him, he will do the same.

Chapter 46: Nightmare

Sometimes it’s Evelyn. Most of the time, it’s Caleb. He’ll wake up quaking and out of breath, sweat shimmering on his clammy skin. Evelyn is there to hold him and promise him it’s alright, that it’s not the coarse rope of a noose he feels on his clavicle but her gentle hands. Sometimes he cries and offers endless apologies. Evelyn strikes them all down, reminds him he has no need to utter them. 

“You did nothing wrong, love,” whispers Evelyn as she wipes his tears away. 

The nights she breaks down, Caleb murmurs those same words, and the guilt recedes.

Chapter 47: Farewell

Notes:

Nothing Gets Past Philip

The stream of thoughts that ran through Philip’s head upon finding his brother absent were so fast that if you pointed a speed gun at them, you would get a reading of 230/mph. Of course, speed guns didn’t exist in the 17th century, so we can only assume this is what the reading would be. Furthermore, we can only get a rough estimate of what his thoughts might have read: 

I knew this was coming

All his belongings are left behind he must have been kidnapped by that horrid witch

Now what do I do? I must find him

Chapter 48: Proposal

He proposed at midday (thank you Lucanna for informing him Evelyn believed that’s when her “energy peaked”) atop a rolling hill by the Boiling Sea (thank you Morrigantha). The excuse had been a casual stroll to their favorite spot for a picnic. Their palismen chirped excitedly above them. Evelyn’s delighted shriek upon finding the ring in the basket (thank you Rosalyn) elated Caleb’s heart, and he captured the sound with his memory, just like he captured her hands in his and asked for her to become his wife. Oh, how he swooned when she immediately put the ring on forever.

Chapter 49: Wedding

“Aye, son, I’ve no doubt in my mind,” said Callum. “They would be very proud o’ ya.” His calloused fingers looped the white silk around Caleb’s neck, finally completing the bowtie. He looked at Caleb proudly.

Caleb watched his soon-to-be father-in-law through the mirror. If only Philip could see him now…in his white wedding suit, with matching black leather shoes and belt, with a new family and a haircut to boot. 

“Thank you,” smiled Caleb, adding, “For everything.” 

Callum chuckled. “Yer very welcome.”

Suddenly, a bell chimed, and Caleb beamed. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a bride to wed.”

 

Chapter 50: Kiss

Evelyn was beautiful, moving above him, with him inside her. Her forehead glowed with sweat, eyebrows furrowed in determination, muscles rippling under her skin as she ground her hips forwards, coaxing a moan from Caleb. Evelyn giggled, swooping down to kiss him. The vibrations of his moans against her lips made her clit throb, and she whined in return, encouraging Caleb's hands to roam her back and shoulder blades. 

“I’ve waited so long for this, Evie.” 

She giggled again, breathing against his skin, “Me too, Caleb.” Her fingertips traced the smooth tips of his ears, still so adorable, even now.

Notes:

And with this smut, we are officially halfway through the challenge!

Chapter 51: Sea

She found him on a cliff, wind buffeting his golden locks.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” she chirped, noticing the way his eyebrows twitched like they always did when she snapped him out of deep thought. “Breakfast’s ready.”

“Thanks,” he murmured, eyes remaining on the frothing water below. He turned his head slightly, halfway between her and the sea. “Just reminiscing. About seas that don’t boil,” he spoke wryly. “I wish I could’ve shown you before I left…gorgeous blue…cool water you could swim in…” He shoved his hands in his pockets and faced her, melancholic eyes finding hers. “But now I’m here.”

Notes:

For the record, I voted for Kamala.

Chapter 52: Friendship

What does friendship mean to you?

Philip: Relying on others to have your back, as long as you have theirs. 

Caleb: Finding people who like you and share your interests and goals.

Evelyn: Not being afraid to be your true self around each other and having fun!

Lucanna: Friendship means adventure, laughter, and a shoulder I can cry on! And my own shoulder for my friends to cry on, too!

Morrigantha: A bond of mutual trust and respect forged through shared experiences.  

Atlin: Better to have a select few friends for life, than a ton of friends who are shallow.

Chapter 53: Sunset

They buried them behind the house, by the garden that would never again see afternoons planting carrots or flowers, or brothers running gleefully through rows of hanging aprons and sheets on sunny days. 

The graves were still fresh, the damp smell of earth wafting from the mound of dirt that lay atop Mum and Dad’s corpses. Two crosses, hastily construed from sticks tied together, marked the spots.

Philip clasped Caleb’s hand, damp and trembling. Two lost souls clinging together. Overhead, the sky was dark blues and indigos, menacing thunder growling from afar. That night, there was no moon, no stars.

Chapter 54: Creation

In the beginning the Titan created Palistrom Trees and magic. Now the magic was without form, and void; and the spirit of the Titan moved upon the face of the Boiling Sea. 

And Evelyn said, Carve this palistrom wood, and there was a log. 

And Caleb saw the log, that it was good; and Caleb gracefully divided the palisman from the wood.

And Caleb called the palisman Flapjack; and Caleb saw that it was good. 

And Evelyn brought forth her palisman to that of Caleb, and the winged palismen flew above the lovers in the open firmament of the heavens. 

Notes:

Apologies for not updating for a few months. I swear I'm trying to get this finished. I will see this project to the end.

Chapter 55: Freedom

Freedom. How you babbled on about that. You said life in Gravesfield wasn’t freedom. Are you enjoying your freedom in that realm of hell? You told me you’re free there, how you’d dance and sing and drink. God forbid – oh, I’m sorry, should I say Titan forbid? That you’ve been fooled into worshipping a beast instead of our Lord is nothing short of a miracle. Do you believe in those, still? Let me tell you this – when I find you, when I free you, and when you return to the righteous path with me, that is a miracle worth believing. 

Notes:

Last night I had a dream I was in Florida, and whenever I tried to go outside a literal sea of mosquitos would swarm around me. My body was covered in them, they got in my mouth, I was trying to swat them away. My skin got sunburned and sloughed off my body.

I've only been to Florida once in 2013, but it's interesting that's how my memories of it manifest in my dreams.

Chapter 56: Fortune

“Prosperity.”

“Not quite.”

“Christ,” muttered Evelyn, leaning back in her chair, crossing her arms. “Give me tea leaves to read, no problem. But I just don’t get card readings.” 

“You won’t get it for a long time, my dear. Now watch. I drew this card for your fortune.” Rosalyn held the card between her fingers. “You asked about your future with your husband. How would you read this?”

“I dunno.”

“Just try, Evelyn.”

“We’re gonna move to the forest?”

“Let’s try another card,” sighed Rosalyn, setting it aside, but taking a mental note of it – a doe and a fawn.

Notes:

Have some more mama Clawthorne!

Chapter 57: Forgiveness

“And he took all the sins of man with him on the cross, and forgave them."

“D’you think he’d forgive me?” Atlin asked weepily. Caleb took his sibling-in-law’s hands, clasping them and looking Atlin in their eyes.

“Of course,” said Caleb, and Atlin felt he truly meant it.

Atlin rubbed their eyes. “Sorry, heh. I still get like this, sometimes.” They looked to their brother-in-law, then to the house on the hill where their wives were, newborn sleeping in Morrigantha’s arms. “Best get back inside. Stay for dinner?” 

“If you’ll have us,” profered Caleb.

“Family is always welcome,” Atlin smiled.  

Notes:

To clarify, the baby is Morrigantha's and Atlin's.

Chapter 58: Pain

Silver hook that ripped the blood

Straight from his flesh to taunt him

It spoke,

“Your rage is fraternal in nature,

And your blonde-haired savior isn’t here

To lick your wounds. 

You let them fester.”

 

Watching blood laughing down his fingers

Threw the hook, fisted holes in the wall

Tore open the wounds

To paint crimson psalms

Behind eyelids saw blades 

Splitting steaming entrails from flesh

Burnt to crisps in swirling flames.

The ground beneath him

Must be soaked with blood

For one savior saved

And ascension on the palm of God

To pearly gates

Above the red suffering void.

Notes:

This is what happens when I listen to The Mars Volta and get inspired by their lyrics. It blows my mind how they manage to come up with them.

Chapter 59: Apology

“‘m sorry,” Philip mumbled, wiping his eyes. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s alright, Pip,” sighed Caleb, half a wooden mask in each of his hands. "I’ll carve a new one.” 

Philip grabbed his brother’s sleeve, pleading with his glistening eyes. “B-but, it was yours and I broke it!” He crescendoed into a wail, tears dripping onto the floor with pitiful plat s.. “The new one won’t be special anymore.” 

Caleb thought for a moment, then smiled tenderly, rough fingers running over Philip’s cheeks, wiping away the sorrow. “What is broken can always be brought back,” he cooed, “if it’s with love.”

Notes:

Things were busy that summer. The frequent disasters of the past year probably played a role. But drabbles were springing up like maggots.
Write. Edit. Over and over.
Write. Edit.
No one else understands what writing drabbles feels like. It feels like swallowing down a dirty rag used to clean up shit and vomit.
Write. Edit.
What I read isn't uncommon. I understood the ugliness of the fanfics. But still...I chose to be a fanfic writer who entertains others.
That's what I've been telling myself ever since that day.
Ever since that day...

Chapter 60: Accident

Ari Atlinson, 14, of Bonesborough passed away on the 26th, the result of a tragic accident while playing by the Boiling Sea with her younger sibling, Atlin, age 11. While playing a game of chase, Ari ran to the edge of a cliff and lost her footing, falling into the sea. Rescue attempts were unsuccessful at retrieving her before she passed. Autopsy results showed 100% of her body was covered in third-degree burns. Her parents, Forrest and Agnes Atlinson, urge the public to view Ari’s tragic passing as a reminder of the dangers of youth playing near the Boiling Sea.

Notes:

This is the tragic accident Atlin feels guilty over. Since I wanted to include their backstory a little, at least.

Chapter 61: Hair

Finally the scissors stopped their snipping and clanked onto the table. Caleb tentatively ran his fingers up his hair, from the rough undercut at his nape to the thicker, downy top. 

“So?” His wife’s voice asked from behind him, warm palms on his shoulders. “How’d I do, love?”

In the mirror, Caleb saw a face he’d never imagined he’d wear. If only Gravesfield could see him now, blond locks scattered on the floor, the remaining hair worn close to his scalp. He couldn’t help but smile.

He turned his head, pressing a kiss to Evelyn’s bony knuckles. “Perfect, my dear.”

Notes:

In another life...I would have really liked just cutting hair and doing spells with you.

Chapter 62: Storm

Weather for tonight, November 17, 1634. 

Severe system from southwest producing moisture in New York and Pennsylvania moving into Connecticut this evening. Temperature expected to be in the 20s to mid-30s. Moderate risk for freezing rain or hail. Wind is expected to become gusty as storms roll in from Bridgeport and New Haven around 8PM, with wind speeds estimated to reach 40-50mph. Risk for flash flooding in southern CT. Be on the lookout for downed branches and trees in Gravesfield. Also advising to lookout for local Philip Wittebane, expected to run in the storm around 11PM to the Gravesfield Cemetery. 

Notes:

Were there weather forecasts in the 17th century US? Probably not. Do I care? Not really.
Uh, the drabbles do tend to be a bit quirky at night. Do I blame them? No.
If I were forced to write these same stupid drabbles 100 times and I never got a bath? I'd be a bit irritable and try out some different formats, too.

Chapter 63: Lace

They’d made love in every room of the house, in every position imaginable, years of companionship and marriage perfecting their skills of pleasing and being pleasured. But this was the first time they’d done it in the little shed behind the house where Caleb did his woodworking.

Buried between Evelyn’s thighs, instead of sawdust he smelled her sweat. Dragged his fingernails behind her knees, eliciting a delightful giggle.

When he saw those lace panties she had not worn since their wedding night, he nearly arrived right there. Breathing in her musk, he murmured hoarsely, “Woman, you drive me mad.”

Chapter 64: Delirious

“Ah, my sweet siren is here to serenade meeeee!” Caleb threw open his arms and sat upright, his pupils huge, the fungus on his head bobbing. 

“Lie down, love,” Evelyn sighed, mindful of the scattered tissues lying around. She guided her husband’s head down to the pillow and felt his forehead. Still hot. “Lucanna is making some tea. It’ll help you feel better.”

“Tea, tea tea,” Caleb echoed. He sniffed and cleared his throat. “Read my leaves when I’m done? Honey bun.

Evelyn smiled sweetly, brushing his sweaty cowlick off his forehead. “Shhh. You’re not making any sense, honey bun.”

Notes:

I fucking love that little robot guy from Interstellar. Tars. Tars my beloved. InTARStellar. The soundtrack makes for very good writing music.

Chapter 65: Wish

Below the heavens could you have guessed two brothers, hundreds of miles apart on the corpse of an ancient god, were gazing at the same night sky, counting the same glittering stars?

The older brother sat with his beloved, hand held lovingly.

The younger brother sat alone, teeth clattering.

The heavens sent a star shooting across the sky, white iridescent dust in its trail, and the star received two wishes, one from each of the brothers. If it could laugh, it would, for the wishes both came from within the brothers’ hearts and were identical.

I wish to find him.

Chapter 66: Fulfilled

“D’ya think we did good?” Callum asked Rosalyn one evening as they sat together in the den. The house, once full of three different voices and laughs, was now quiet.

Morrigantha, their eldest, was now a mother herself with her spouse. Already with two daughters, and triplets on the way. Rosalyn and Callum certainly weren’t short of grandchildren.

Evelyn, their middle daughter, also married. To a human from another realm. A story straight from a fairytale.

Lucanna, their youngest, with her successful library downtown and the cozy apartment she lived in above it.

Rosalyn smiled. “I think we did, love.”

Notes:

Every Clawthorne family got the:
One down for a badass enby (Morrigantha)
One down for a human (Evelyn)
And the nerdy aroace queen (Lucanna)

Chapter 67: Ghosts

Lost Palisman: Snakey was last seen on The Knee. Please contact if found!

Help me find my missing Palisman Boney! Brown and white dog with yellow eyes last seen at the campsite near Bonesborough. $$$ Reward offered!

MISSING: Coco the brown bunny Palisman. Gone missing near the beach. Please help me find her! =( 

Have you seen this Palisman? Responds to Mimi. Missing since last month. Last known location: Latissa Marketplace. [attached: a sketch of a raccoon palisman]

Irritated, Philip hastily tore down the posters from the bulletin. 

From inside his mind he heard Snakey, Boney, Coco and Mimi scream. Philip laughed.

Chapter 68: Touch

“Gentle, Castoria,” Atlin chided. They gave Flapjack a sympathetic look. “Sorry, Flap. This is her first time seeing new palismen.”

Flapjack, sitting on Castoria’s chubby palm, merely warbled in response. Owliana, Evelyn’s great horned owl palisman, hooted loudly as she watched from atop Carolyn’s head. She was laughing at him. 

Caleb and Evelyn were busy conversing with Atlin and Morrigantha at the kitchen table, leaving the palismen with the latters’ daughters. Finnigan and Jubilee, Atlin and Morrigantha’s palismen, watched the two birds with amusement.

Admittedly, Castoria’s next pet was gentler. Flapjack chirped his approval, though nothing could beat Caleb’s touch.

Notes:

Carolyn and Castoria are Atlin and Morrigantha's daughters.
Finnigan and Jubilee - I came up with these names at random so I didn't give any thought as to what animals they are. Imagine them as whatever you want. Since Atlin grew up near the sea I like to think Finnigan is probably some sort of aquatic creature...maybe a shark. But do shark palisman need water to breathe? Idk. Let's pretend they don't.

Chapter 69: Library

Dear valued customers,

To celebrate five years of Lucanna’s Library, we will be holding a 50% off sale all month!

During the sale all books will be half-off, and you will also be able to purchase some beautiful wood carvings from my brother-in-law and delicious tea blends from my mother! Grab a cup and get your tea leaves read by my sister, who has years of experience in oracle magic. Want a cozy place to sit and read? The lounge is now open! You’ll find it in the back. Grab a seat and read or chat. Book clubs coming soon!

Notes:

I wrote a lot more of this. Here it is, unbound by the 100 word limit in the chapter text.

"When I first opened my library, I never imagined it would become one of the most popular, top-rated places in Bonesborough. It started as a small library with only a handful of books and me, Lucanna, working as both the owner and sole employee. Five years later, we are a team of seven talented, delightful individuals working hard to bring our passion for books to you! Every year, our selection of books has expanded thanks to generous donations. Through your patronage, we were able to fund expanding the building for the lounge and furnishing it. No longer will you have to sit in the aisles! We also took your complaints of the “old book smell” to heart and have filled every corner of the library with scented candles. Get a whiff of peonies or baked cookies while you read. Like the old book smell? Just sniff the books!"

Lucanna is fun to write, though I hardly ever write her. She's definitely got some Luz energy.

Chapter 70: Surprise

“They fit perfectly. Thank you, Evie,” Caleb said, looking at his new shoes. 

Evelyn produced a second box from behind her back. “You’ll need these, too,” she grinned.

Confused, Caleb popped the lid off. Inside were two shoes but...they were tiny. Evelyn rocked on her heels as she waited for her husband to put the pieces together.

“Evie,” Caleb breathed, “is this- are you- are- are-” Stumbling, at a loss for words, Evelyn grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach. Caleb’s eyes exploded with tears. 

“Oh, Evie!" He cried elatedly, jumping up and embracing her. “Oh, Evie!”

Notes:

Pregnancy arc, go!

Chapter 71: Power

Cruel and sharp dances the knife

Across the stage of pale flesh 

Rolling from extensor pollicis to indicus

Twirling around the antecubital fossa

To a final pirouette at the triceps

 

There is no applause for the intricate dance,

Just sweat pouring down, 

Mixing and swirling into the 

Footsteps weeping red

Like a comet’s trail

 

Encased in fresh circles

The glyph magic is

Pulsating,

Throbbing,

Oozing,

Blood

And

Magic

And

Power

 

Pulsating

Throbbing

Oozing

Power

 

And Philip looks at the scattered tiny papers,

Bearing the same glyphs now sliced into his arm,

He thinks,

“I ought to have done this sooner.”

Notes:

Extensor pollicis & indicus - Front and back of forearm
Antecubital fossa - Inner elbow
Tricep - Back of upper arm

Chapter 72: Hands

“I hope they have your hands,” said Caleb, “It would suit them well.” His thumb massaged the back of Evelyn’s hand, rubbing circles into it. Touch as light as a feather, he ran his fingertips from her bony knuckles, up the long, slender fingers, to the tip of the pointed, manicured fingernail. 

“What about your hands?” Mused Evelyn, grabbing her husband’s hand. “Strong. Dextrous.” She felt the callouses, the bumps of numerous scars from woodcarving mishaps, the deep creases in his palm, upon which she pressed a kiss.

“How I love your hands,” she sighed.  “They tell such a story.”

Notes:

Author's Note: Vince Gilligan here. I know it's been a long time since you heard from me. And it hasn't been good. My attempts to exorcise John Patterson from the medium have failed, and I have ended with a bigger mess than when I started. The medium's name was Jeff, but I will simply refer to him as John since that was who inhabited him during this time.

Upon returning home after Taconic, I found my possessed medium still in my home. Fridge? Ransacked. Pantry? Empty. Toilet? Clogged.

"What do I have to do to get you to leave?" I asked John.
John, who had been on the couch watching The Sopranos, laughed a horrible laugh. It sent shivers down my spine. He smiled a crooked smile, I could swear his teeth looked sharper than when I left. He certainly smelled a lot worse.
"I'm not leaving," he told me.
"Oh, yes you are." I replied, getting ready to grab a baseball bat.
"Just let me watch my show," he said, not even sparing a glance at me. I marched over to the TV and was about to turn it off when he let out a cry, the cry of a wounded animal.
"Stop, don't, I'm only on my fourth rewatch of The Sopranos," he said, and I saw he was very upset. He was shaking, his arm reached out mid-air and pure desparation on his face.
"Can't you watch it in Heaven?" I asked. Or hell, I added silently.
"B-b-but, it's not as good as watching it in a living body on Earth. I didn't bring my DVD set with me to Heaven. I have to ask others to borrow theirs. Or wait for reruns on cable." He looked like he was about to cry.
"I want you out," I said angrily. I was done with his BS. I felt bad for the 20-something-year-old hippy medium whose body had been taken over by this spirit. "Your body looks like its about to collapse from exhaustion. I'll get a priest, a rabbi, a imam, whatever I need to get you out of here."
Now John was really looking scared. "Okay, I will leave," he finally gave in. He looked small and scared in that body, curled up into himself on the couch scattered with empty snack bags and DVD cases for seasons of The Sopranos. "But only if you do one thing for me."
I thought carefully. A deal with the devil...but time was running out. I didn't want the hippy medium to die. I wanted things to go back to normal. I didn't want to have to watch The Sopranos constantly with this guy. I was also desparate to get out of this situation. So I ran a hand through my hair, and asked, "What do you need?"
A wicked grin spread back onto his face. "I need you to go to Disney Studio and tell them to rewrite The Owl House. It needs to follow The Sopranos formula. I started the whole formula, you know?" He put his hands behind his head, leaned back cockily. "Breaking Bad, The Wire, Boardwalk Empire..." He gloated in his self-praise.
"What do you mean, exactly?" I asked carefully.
"Oh, you know," he waved a hand flippantly. "A show is only good if there is the strong male lead, the male antihero with his double-life. Confident and powerful to one side of his life, but deep down, depressed, struggling. The hot wife who both loves and resents him, who puts up with him just to keep the family intact. Children oblivious to their parent's struggles and criminal doings. Side characters who don't get enough development before their death for you to truly feel sad about it. A big, multi-season story arc spanning in-universe years and a gigantic finale."
"How on Earth would that apply to The Owl House?" I shook my head in disbelief. He was an idiot! "For starters, the lead is a teenage girl-"
"I don't care," John snapped, "Just make it happen."
I thought for a moment again. If this is what it took...then so be it.
"Deal," I said, and I quelled the instant regret I felt as I shook his clammy hand. He laughed, then sighed, then went limp, and when his eyes opened, they were wide and confused.
"What the hell, man?!" Jeff screamed. "Oh my god, I feel terrible...what the fuck happened?" He groaned in pain, clenching his stomach, grimacing at his body odor.
"Get yourself to a hospital," I told him. And he scurried off.
As I cleaned my house, grumbling and complaining, I heard John's voice in my head. "Don't forget our deal," it said. I shivered. His voice was like grating cheese in my brain. Except my brain was the cheese. And the grater was John Patterson.
"I wont," I whispered to nothing, scrubbing the kitchen counter. Soapy suds covered my hand, clenching a sponge. "I promise."

Chapter 73: Paternity

I loved my father. I remember he was tall, built like a lumberjack, and he had a deep voice. I would lay my head on his chest and hear it rumbling as he read The Good Book to me and Pip at night, and Pip and I giggled when his beard tickled us as he pressed kisses to our foreheads. 

But I can’t remember the details of his face.

Now I am blessed with a child of my own, and I wish I could remember. 

What kind of father will I be?

I scarcely remember what my own was like.

Notes:

Writing this one made me sad :(

Headcanon: Caleb felt a lot of anxiety about what kind of parent he'd be during Evelyn's pregnancy because he had forgotten so much of his own father, and he spent the majority of his life without one, so he never really had a solid model of fatherhood to follow.

Chapter 74: Maternity

Still yourself, dear child, I feel you kicking in my womb every day. Soon I will hold you and love you and cherish you. I will knit you sweaters and capes of the softest wool, teach you the ways of wild magic, guide you through this wondrous world. Already I’ve painted your room, I think you will like the sage walls. Your aunts and grandmother have already crafted many toys and rattles, my fingers ache from sewing the clothes and blankets that will keep you warm in your new days, but oh, it is worth it because I love you.

Chapter 75: Reunion

Caleb: By the way, I uh- I invited Philip to dinner.

Evelyn: Okay, I’m fine with that.

Caleb: But listen. He’s kind of….hates witches. 

Evelyn: What?

Caleb: Yeah. I mean, that’s just how we were raised. I overcame it–

Evelyn: [laughs] You overcame it.

Caleb: I overcame it. I mean, I got you knocked up, right?

[Laughing]

Caleb: But uh…it’s…gonna be awkward. 

Evelyn: Yeah…he’s made it pretty clear already he hates me.

Caleb: Hates you? He hates me more for marrying you and- and impregnating you. Wait– what if I told him someone else impregnated you?

Evelyn: Absolutely. Not.

Notes:

Okay, we all know they reunited from that portrait in Hollow Mind. So here's what happened after. Sitcom potential = insane.

Chapter 76: Tip

Philip: Let's coordinate the tip here.

Caleb: Why?

Philip: Well, if we split the check we have the same bill, so let’s leave the same thing. 

Caleb: What are you thinking?

Philip: $12. 

Caleb: Okay. Put down 12.

Philip: How much will you leave?

Caleb: $12 is certainly….a number you put under gratuity on the check. 

Philip: Are you leaving $12?

Caleb: I'm leaving a number. And now I'm folding the check. Waiter!

Philip: You’re not gonna tell me what you left?

Caleb: I'm very excited to see you again.

Philip: No tip coordination?
Caleb: I’ll be in touch. 

Notes:

Stay tuned for the thrilling finale to the tip trilogy.
This is what happens when I get drunk, watch Curb, and write these stupid drabbles.
Tip Coordination

Chapter 77: Generosity

Philip: I have a question. The other human, how much did he leave?

Waiter: Oh…I can't tell.

Philip: I'm just curious.

Waiter: It was generous.

Philip: Was mine generous?

Waiter: …Yeah.

Philip: Was his more generous? Was it over $12?

Waiter: Do you want me to refill your water, sir?

Philip: Tell me.

Waiter: I’ll get in trouble. 

Philip: Scratch your face if it was over $12.

Waiter: *Scratches face*

Philip: Oh for god's sake. Did that sunovabitch give you a $20 tip?

Waiter: Uh…

Philip: If it's over $30, tug on your tie.

Waiter: *Tugs on tie*

Philip: FUCK.

Notes:

Again. Just think of the insane sitcom potential of Caleb, Evelyn, and Philip. So. Much. Sitcom. Potential.