Chapter Text
The espresso machine’s loud whirring stopped and Lucas grabbed the freshly brewed espresso shots out from under the dispenser. As he robotically threw together yet another iced latte, the girl on the other side of the counter watched him in awe. Especially while he pumped the french press. She didn’t blink until he had finished by sprinkling some cinnamon on it, then slapped the lid on.
He held it out to her, “Iced latte, with two extra pumps of vanilla for Kaylie!” He called out, trying not to seem too bored. Kaylie took her drink from him and thanked him nervously. With a shaking hand, she slid him a napkin with her name and number on it then dashed out the doors to a group of girls who had been intently watching through the window since she walked in. They all waved at him. Lucas winked at them and turned around to get back to work.
With a sigh, he stuck the note in his pocket, which was already stuffed with many more just like it. He glanced back at the clock behind him. He had been checking it every thirty seconds or so for the past dragging twenty minutes. He still had ten minutes left in his shift.
“What are you looking so depressed for? What’s that, like the fiftieth number today?” Stacy chided.
“Actually it’s the ninth.” Lucas responded, with a dull tone.
“If I got as many guys’ numbers as you get girls’ and guys’ numbers, Wallace would drown in a sea of men before he could steal all of them fast enough.” She rolled her eyes at him.
He sighed deeply, “Yeah, but I don’t want their numbers. I don’t know why they can’t just come in and ogle without making me feel like I’m the bad guy for not wanting to call them.”
“Gee, I figured with your Hollywood lifestyle you’d just sleep with them-”
“With the ladies!” He interrupted.
“Yeah, yeah, with the ladies. Whatever. Anyway, I never thought I’d get to see the Lucas Lee wallowing over wanting a serious relationship.”
He laughed out loud, “No, I’m not looking for someone to settle down with, it’s just ‘cause none of ‘em were hot. Well… I guess not every girl can be Megan Fox but-” He was cut off.
“Are you fucking serious? And here I thought you might’ve been expressing depth.” Stacey said distastefully.
“Whatever. Not my problem you don’t want Lucas Lee to Lucas the Lee.” He smiled smugly.
“Your prose is horrendous.” She said, as a customer came up with another order. Lucas used the break in conversation to check the clock again. Still, he had eight grueling minutes left. He sighed again melodramatically.
“I got an iced caramel mocha frappe. Also, can you wash the blender cup real quick? Now anyways, what was I saying?”
“I dunno, I forgot. My brain is fried, I can’t wait to get outta here.” He moaned.
“Oh, be grateful. Your shift ends in like, five minutes, I have a whole ‘nother hour.” She sneered.
“Yeah, well five minutes might as well be a whole ‘nother hour.” He sighed, putting the blender jug on the industrial rinser.
Stacey sighed and looked at the clock, “Look… I don’t like you right now, ‘cause you’re an asshole. I want you outta my hair. Just run that blender you washed for me this last time and scoot. It's only 7 minutes."
“You mean it?” He perked up in excitement.
“Yup. Now run the blender and get outta my sight. Sarah should be here soon anyway. She’s a way better conversationalist than you.”
He giddily put the blender over the spray, but forgot to wash the sides in his hurry to leave.
“You're a fucking asshole, you know that!” Stacey yelled at him as he ducked into the back where the employee lockers were.
“Thanks, Stace!” He called out behind him, tossing off his smock and clocking out on the computer.
He strode over to the sidewalk and dropped his skateboard down, scrolling through spotify for his skating playlist. He found it, hopped on his board, and kicked off as bystanders swooned at the sight of a perfect fucking asshole making his way home.
Life already felt richer. The wind blowing on his face. The skateboard under his feet. The feeling of knowing he can go home and relax now. It was all euphoric. He thought about it as he blew past foot pedestrians who were all evidently annoyed by having to frantically side-step to get out of his way.
After many disruptions in traffic and close calls with nearly slamming into unsuspecting passersby on the street, Lucas reached the seedy, less bustling side of town. A small apartment where he often heard sirens was all he could afford lately, but he didn’t mind too much since he was used to needing high security for his houses anyway.
He drifted over the jankety sidewalk, riding slowly to avoid the deep potholes that would send his face into the ground. That was a one time mistake. He turned into the small drive that led into his apartment complex, and wove his way through the parking lot up to the front of his building.
Kicking up his skateboard, he buzzed in and stepped up the stairs. He thought blissfully about the amazing nap he was going to take after eating lunch.
He walked down the hallway and as his door came into view. In the mail slot, he saw a little letter sticking out. He grabbed it and unlocked his door, tossing his skateboard and coat aside as he stepped through.
Lucas examined the letter in his hands. It had no addresses or stamps on it, but the style made it abundantly clear who it was from. He recognized the large golden ‘2’ calligraphed on the front of the small matte black envelope from the time Matthew invited all of them to the fourth ever, and last league meeting. He ripped it open and read the enclosed card,
“Dear Evil Ex,
You are cordially invited to the first meeting of the New League!
Report to G-man Media Tower on June 5th, 5pm est.
Attire: Cocktail.
See you soon!”
He was reminded of the last time he spoke to his best friend. He had called just to catch up and bitch about life in general, but Gordon kept circling the conversation back around to how powerful the league used to be, and how he missed seeing everyone. Lucas had suspected a long time ago that he wanted to get the league back together, but didn’t think he’d be able to convince Matthew and Julie to let him go through with it.
They were all obsessed with their plan of being a league of three that would take over the world by themselves. Both Matthew and Julie seemed to get defensive when he brought up the topic of the league, but in the recent times when he’d seen them all in person they seemed to be less reactive. Maybe he did manage to muster up his master manipulator skills to convince them not to be jealous. Or he might’ve just gotten down on his knees and begged. There seemed to be no in between for him when negotiating with his girlfriend or ‘right-hand-man’, as he and Julie liked to call Matthew.
Lucas didn’t particularly understand throuples, or transgenders, or pronouns, or queer people, but he did understand that everyone except the three of them could see that they were into each other. He didn’t mind of course, his best bro hadn’t changed since getting a crush on a guy, so neither would their friendship.
Just then his ringtone went off. He flipped over his phone to see who it was. He saw the contact named ‘Gourd’ with a small green gourd as the profile picture pop up on screen. Gordon was calling him! Probably about the invite. He swiped up on the green answer button.
“Sup?” Lucas greeted cheerily.
“Hey Lucas! Did you get Matthew’s letter?” Gordon asked, excitedly.
“Yeah, I just read it.” Lucas chuckled.
“Oh great! Matthew made them for me. I wish he would consider a career in graphic design instead of theater, he’s really very talented with such things. He also helped me put together a business presentation, and lots of my billionaire friends were even asking me which designer I had make it. Obviously I told them that it was my right-hand-man, but when I told Matthew about it he got all embarrassed. So much wasted talent... Anyways, I’m rambling here. Matthew designed the invitations.” Gordon said, then took a quick sip of wine.
“Yeah, I figured. They look just like the ones he gave us the first time he invited everybody to a meeting. I don’t know much about design, but that sounds pretty cool, bro.” Lucas replied as he began rifling through his kitchen.
“I know right? I know I’ve said it before, but I think it’s pretty great living with him. Julie too. She does about as much for the company now as I do.” Gordon gushed.
“Psh. Sounds twee bro.” Lucas joked, “Speaking of which, how are they?” He asked, tossing a burrito in the microwave.
“They’re both good. Julie closed her first huge business deal today, so we decided to celebrate with a fancy dinner in, and some wild hanky-panky. ” He cleared his throat, “Anyways. More importantly, and why I called you, are you coming to the meeting?”
“Duh I’m coming, I wouldn’t leave you on read.” Of course he would come, did Gordon really have to ask?
“Nah I know bro, I know you’re too cool for that.” Replied Gordon, grinning widely.
“So like, what are you calling the meeting for though? And what do you mean by ‘new league’?” Lucas asked, puzzled.
“Well obviously, I’m getting the league back together, Lucas. The league that broke up and was dedicated to defeating Scott Pilgrim and controlling the future of Ramona’s love life is the old league. The new league is the league that’s just starting.”
“Yeah well what are we supposed to do now? I don’t think anyone really gives a shit about Ramona anymore.” Lucas said skeptically, watching his burrito slowly spin.
“Oh, no-no-no. I called a meeting so we can make up a new objective. Julie and Matthew said they don't care what we decide to do as long as it doesn’t get in the way of our plans as an evil trio. They already joined as my first members. Oh! And I did too, of course. We all promised not to make it about Ramona though.”
“Uh… So the new objective can be whatever we want?” Lucas imagined it for a moment and images of them driving recklessly in driving cars with hot chicks and shredded dudes in their backseats filled his head. Just like in his movies.
“Yeah, exactly! Whaddaya say to joining the new league right now? I mean you’re my best friend, so obviously you have to join my league.” Gordon proposed expectantly.
“Hell yeah, sounds like a plan.” Lucas agreed as he continued replaying epic car chase scenes in his head.
Lucas could practically hear Gordon’s face light up like a Christmas tree, “Great! Alright, I’ll see you on Saturday at the meeting bro!”
“Cya bro.” And with that, Lucas hung up.
He thought about it some more for a minute, letting his daydreams take over as he pulled his burrito out of the microwave to munch on. He decided that this was definitely a great idea, then threw off his pants and sat down on his bed. Nibbling on his burrito, he grabbed his laptop to watch some Netflix. He scrolled through the various movies and shows available until he landed on some nature documentary.
He finished eating while watching two large Gorillas get into a stand-off. Once finished, he shut the laptop and slid himself downward to snuggle up under the blankets. He groaned, feeling his back decompress. He sunk deeper into the bed with each breath.
Lucas fell asleep while visions of hotties in cars filled his pleasant dreams.
Meanwhile, the other exes were reading their own letters…