Work Text:
“I have feelings for you both!”
Rain’s words play on a loop in Sky’s head as he finds himself back in the waiting room once more, curled into an uncomfortable ball in one of the chairs, not even having the energy to pace this time, despite the familiar buzz of anxiety running back through his veins
All he can do is replay those words, and the image of flowers and blood pouring out of his best friend’s mouth in what both looked and felt like endless waves over and over again in his head, trying to make sense of everything that has happened in the past three weeks, and especially the last twenty-four hours
Rain has hanahaki, because he has feelings for Sky and Prapai, and they froze when he confessed to them. They froze during Rain’s last chance to save his own life, and now if Rain dies then it would be their fault — would be his fault-
Sky flinches slightly as Phayu walks back over from talking to the doctor and lays a hand on his shoulder, before quickly pulling back at Sky’s reaction. “Sorry” Phayu whispers, settling down in the chair beside Sky, before looking around the waiting room
“He went outside for some air” Sky mumbles when he realizes that the older male was looking for Prapai. “Do you want to wait for him to get back?” He adds, Phayu sighing softly as he shakes his head
“No, I’ll just tell him when he gets back” The older male whispers, Sky humming softly as he curls himself into a tighter ball in his seat, hoping that by making himself smaller it will do the same to his anxiety- “They had to intubate him”
Sky squeezes his eyes shut at the words, inhaling sharply. “They said that he’s stable for now, but that it’s basically just touch and go from here on out whether or not he’ll make it” Phayu adds, Sky forcing himself to breathe, exhaling shakily
Rain had to be intubated
“With Rain’s condition…if we have to intubate him, there is a high chance that he will no longer be able to breathe on his own, and the intubation won’t be reversed”
“But, that means…his hanahaki won’t be able to be cured anymore?”
“I’m…I’m afraid so, yes”
Sky’s short conversation with the doctor runs back through his head, and he feels his chest constricting, wondering if this is how Rain has felt for the last three weeks because of him, because he somehow made his best friend fall in love with him, and now it might very well be what kills Rain-
The room around them starts to feel like it’s spinning, and Sky feels like he’s been trapped in a small box, stumbling when he shoots to his feet, Phayu quickly standing as well and attempting to help steady him, worriedly calling his name
“I’m sorry- I’m so sorry” Sky quickly apologizes, because this is his fault- “I’m sorry, I have to- I have to go, I can’t- I- I’m so sorry” He stutters out, before quickly taking off and running out of the hospital, passing a very confused Prapai on the way out but not stopping, even as his lover calls his name
“What’s going on?” Prapai asks Phayu when the other male reaches him, Phayu sighing heavily as he runs a hand through his hair, looking beyond stressed in a way that Prapai has never seen him before-
“Rain had to be intubated”
🌧 🌪 ☁ ༄
There’s a photo of Sky and Rain on Sky’s bedside table
One that was taken the first day that they met, a memory so vivid in Sky’s head that it was almost like he was right there again, reliving it every single time that he looked back or caught a glimpse of that photo
Sky had just gotten away from Gun and ventured out on his own, still carrying the fresh wounds from the other male, and still feeling crushed by the weight of his trauma that he was carrying. He had gotten into the architecture department of a really good university, a dream that he had almost always carried with him
One that Gun had almost taken; telling him that he wasn’t smart enough, or skilled enough, and that even if he did get in, he would fail, just like he always did
Sky had felt proud when he got accepted. Had felt like maybe, just maybe, he could prove Gun wrong, prove that he was worth something after all
Then, when he had finally moved into his dorm — his first time living on his own, having gone from living with his father, straight to living with Gun, an already stressful thing — and went to the university for orientation, seeing just how many people were there-
Sky had started to think that Gun was right, after all; wanting to run from the crowd, to leave and never come back, feeling beyond overwhelmed and almost like something was crushing his chest, keeping him from breathing-
When Sky met Rain, it was because the other male had literally ran into him, because he was still standing in the entryway when Rain had came barreling in, almost too late and incredibly clumsy
Sky remembers how messy his hair was, and the slight sheen of sleep still glossing his eyes, cleary having woken up mere minutes before, if not seconds
“I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there, and I was late so I was running, and I should really watch where I’m going, and are you okay-” Rain had started rambling as soon as he had righted himself, words a little too fast and jumbled together as he breathed heavily through them
Looking back on it, Sky realizes that he had felt pulled to Rain right then and there. He had felt the urge to protect him from anything bad in the world — from any and all of the things that no one had protected Sky from
At that moment, though, Sky had still been wary about new people, and he had ended up wordlessly walking off, leaving a rambling Rain behind to scramble in order to get where he needed to be on time
After orientation had finished, Rain had found him again, right as Sky was about to leave
“Hey! It’s you, from this morning!” Rain called as he ran after him, letting out a winded noise when he ran into Sky once more, when he had stopped walking. “Shit, sorry. About that and this morning. I really should watch where I’m going more carefully. Anyway, I saw you during the tour of the architecture department! Is that what you’re enrolled for, because I’m enrolled for architecture as well!”
Sky had given Rain a small nod in response, the other male rambling on with no cares. “Awesome! It will be great knowing someone else in the department! My name is Rain, by the way, what’s yours?”
Sky had debated walking away again, and at the time he didn’t know why he chose to stay and introduce himself to Rain instead, or why he let Rain drag them for a photo together before they left
At the time, he didn’t know why he let Rain follow him back to his dorm, or why he let Rain inside, or why they spent the entire night talking about their childhoods and where they were from, or why he let Rain crash on his couch that night
At the time, Sky didn’t understand anything. He didn’t understand that Rain was the embodiment of the sun; warm and comforting, safe. He didn’t understand the pull to protect him that he felt. He didn’t understand how easily he let himself get close to Rain, after so much pain, and the wariness of getting close to anyone else, only to be hurt again
He didn’t understand the way that Rain had so easily wormed himself into Sky’s life and heart, but now he was so, so thankful for it, and the way that it had brought him out of his shell more and more, little by little, and made the weight on his back the tiniest bit easier to carry
Sky was thankful for the way that it opened him up to making more friends; like Som, Ple, Sig, and Por. Because, as annoying as they can be, Sky enjoys their company and he — as much as he will never admit it to them — enjoys their chaos, and watching how happy Rain is with them
Even if the ghosts of what Gun put him through had still haunted him, and he hadn’t told anyone about them, especially not Rain, the other male had made it that much easier to endure it all, and had made him remember what it felt like to be happy and smile and laugh without worry or care, even for a second
Looking back on it, Sky had known for a while now that what he felt for Rain maybe went beyond what best friends feel for each other, but he had always just attributed it to Rain being the first person that he trusted and gave every single part of himself that he could to after what Gun had put him through
Looking back on it, Sky thinks that maybe that’s why he fell in love with Prapai
He and Rain were so much alike without even realizing in; both getting close to Sky by annoying the hell out of him, until he finally fell for them and let them in, faster for Rain than he had for Prapai, and both of them making him feel like what he went through with Gun was killing him less and less by the day — even Phayu ticked the last box
Looking back on it, now that he’s dating Prapai, Sky realizes that he has been in love with Rain since practically the day that they met, the feeling growing more and more, little by little the longer that they have been friends and the closer that they have gotten
Sky should have told him
He should have told him long ago, really, but he especially should have told him now, when Rain’s life is hanging in the balance and it was the one thing that could have saved him
It’s too late now
Rain had to be intubated. There’s no reversing it, the doctor said so. There’s no guarantee that Sky telling Rain now, when the damage has already been done, would change anything, would save Rain
It’s too late, and Sky can’t even stand to be in the hospital a second longer, let alone to be at his best friend’s side when this is all his fault to begin with, because he made Rain fall in love with him too, and then didn’t tell him when he should have, and how long has Rain felt like this without Sky noticing-
If he had noticed, would it have changed anything? Would it have saved Rain?
There’s a photo of Rain and Sky on Sky’s bedside table, and he ignores the buzzing of his phone as he stares at it through blurred vision, his tears burning his skin as they fall down his cheeks
🌧 🌪 ☁ ༄
“Give him time” Phayu whispers, as Prapai almost bolts out the door for a- Phayu has lost count number of times to go after Sky. “He needs time”
Phayu doesn’t blame him, really. After all, he’s just found out that his best friend is in love with not only him, but his boyfriend as well, and then almost immediately after said best friend had to be intubated
Because of the flowers growing in his lungs, because Rain can be quite dense some of the time, Phayu will admit it, and the younger male hadn’t realized who his feelings were for until it was too late
Because he was hiding this from them, because he didn’t want to hurt Phayu, and as sweet as it is for Rain to worry about him during all of this, it does hurt that his boyfriend might not make it through this, because he was too scared to tell anyone about what was happening until now, when it was too late to reverse any of the damage
“I’m worried about him” Prapai practically whines as he collapses into the seat beside Phayu, crossing his arms and bouncing his leg, sighing heavily when Phayu rests a hand on his knee to stop him
“I know, I am too. But you know Sky. Trying to force him to do anything right now will only make him retreat further and further away, and that is the last thing any of us need at the moment” Phayu whispers, Prapai letting out another heavy sigh as he practically deflates
“I don’t understand. The doctor said that he had at least a month, so how did he take such a turn literally only hours later?” Prapai asks, Phayu frowning as he leans back in his seat, staring up at the ceiling
“I don’t know” He mumbles, because he really didn’t. In fact, he had been asking himself the same thing since it happened. It didn’t make sense to him either how quickly Rain’s health had basically plummeted to rock bottom
Phayu and Prapai look up as the hospital doors open, Phayu’s breath catching a little at the sight of Rain’s mother making a beeline over to them, looking absolutely terrified, Sky trailing far behind her — she must have picked him up somehow on the way-
“I got here as soon as I could. What happened?” Rain’s mom asks as soon as she reaches the older two, and Phayu has never felt so unprepared in his life, struggling to think of what to say, let alone to get any words out
Phayu catches sight of Rain’s doctor, quickly calling them over to the four. “Mae, this is Rain’s doctor” He introduces, said doctor smiling a little sadly at the woman as Rain’s mother asks him what happened instead
“Rain was admitted earlier in the day following a drugging and attempted assault. While he was recovering, it was made aware to us that he was suffering from Hanahaki Disease. Our tests showed that at the time of his admittance, Rain’s disease was almost at the end stage, and that he would likely only have a month to live without prevention. Two hours later, Rain lost consciousness and had to be intubated due to the flowers’ growth”
“I don’t understand. How could Rain’s condition have deteriorated that fast if he had a month left to live?” Rain’s mom asks, sounding close to tears, clutching onto Phayu’s hand when he grabs one of her own to try and comfort her
“From what I have been told, and from the results of the tests we have run, it appears that Rain’s hanahaki progresses more rapidly than most cases we see. It’s quite rare, and we aren’t sure of the reason, but Rapid Progressing Hanahaki tends to be more fatal, due to how fast the flowers grow”
“Is there anything you can do for him? Please?” Rain’s mom begs, the doctor looking between the four, looking a little wary now, setting off alarm bells in Phayu’s head
“We could do surgery to remove the flowers, but there are complications, and we would need more information to progress”
“Like what?” Prapai asks, the doctor doing a once over of the four again, before letting out a soft sigh
“First, we would need to know what feelings have caused his hanahaki”
Phayu glances over to Prapai and Sky, seeing the way that the other males tense in response to the question. “Romantic ones” He answers, Rain’s mother sending him a confused look, before focusing back on the doctor as they continue speaking
“Ah. That complicates things quite a bit. Hanahaki flowers are tied directly to the ailed person’s feelings, so by cutting out flowers tied to romantic feelings, we would be cutting out not only those feelings, but there is a chance that in doing so, we cut out the memory of the person that they are for as well”
Phayu watches the way that Sky and Prapai tense further at his side, Sky ducking his head to try and hide his obvious flow of tears, and Prapai grabbing hold of his hand, both for comfort and so that Sky can’t potentially run away again
“We’ll discuss it. Thank you” Phayu tell the doctor, sighing heavily as they leave the four alone, Rain’s mother immediately turning to Phayu
“What is there to discuss? This surgery would save his life, he should have it” She says, Prapai quickly excusing himself and Sky, before leading the younger male to the cafeteria, Phayu sighing as he follows after them with his gaze, until they disappear from sight
“It’s more complicated than that, mae” He whispers, leading Rain’s mom to sit in one of the chairs, sitting facing her and grabbing her hands in his own. “Rain’s romantic feelings are not only for me anymore. They’re also for Sky and Prapai. Those are the feelings that the flowers have grown from” He explains
Rain’s mom’s eyes widen as she looks back the way that the two had disappeared. “So, by removing the flowers, the doctor would be removing Rain’s feelings for them, and could potentially make him forget them as well, and I’m sure that Rain would not want that” Phayu continues
“But then…won’t he die?” Rain’s mom asks, her voice shaking, and Phayu feels unprepared all over again
He can’t tell her no. He can’t tell her that Rain is going to be fine, because he doesn’t even really believe it himself. Anyone could see that the situation looks hopeless
All Phayu can do is pull Rain’s mom into a hug and let her cry against his shoulder
🌧 🌪 ☁ ༄
Sky sits with Prapai in the cafeteria, replaying the doctor’s words over and over again in his head
They could save Rain, just at the cost of his feelings, and the potential cost of his memories of Sky and Prapai
Sky can’t help but wonder if it would be for the better that Rain forgets him and goes on to live a happy, long life with Phayu
After all, this is all Sky’s fault. He made his best friend fall in love with him, and then he was too fucked up for Rain to confess his feelings for him — because it doesn’t take much for him to figure out Rain’s reasoning for not saying anything before — until it was too late, and now the only way to save him is to cut out the feelings that are killing him
Sky thinks about it, and he thinks it’s for the better that Rain doesn’t love him. He would just corrupt him. He knows that he would, had seen what felt like a preview of it after that night at the condo
Rain had blamed himself for it for so long, and he had finally figured out some of what was wrong with Sky, because he had seen a little of what Sky had had to endure up close, and it almost broke him
Rain would be corrupted by the nights that Sky wakes up screaming, and by what he dreams to cause it, if he loved him
The more that Sky thinks about it, the more that he determines it is for the better-
“Do you love him?” Prapai is whispering, but it breaks Sky out of his thoughts like the older male had yelled instead
“You know that I do” Sky whispers back, picking at the food that Prapai had insisted upon buying him, despite his complaints of not being hungry, because he hasn’t eaten much in the past three weeks
“Do you love him like he loves us? Like he loves Phayu? Like you love me?” Prapai elaborates, and it’s almost too overwhelming for Sky, all the questions and the answer floating in his head-
“Yes” Sky whispers, quiet enough to not be heard amongst the bustling noise of the room, and Sky almost wishes that Prapai won’t hear it, because he doesn’t know if he can handle the fallout, not with everything that is already going on
Prapai does hear. He can tell
“Do you?” Sky asks his own question, watching Prapai be the one to pick at his food this time
“I love him for loving you, and everything that he has done for you. Before and after we started dating” Prapai answers, meaning to be heard in his. “I love him for how happy he makes Phayu, because I have never seen him this happy before. I love him for everything he is, and…I love him for how he loves us”
Sky can’t help but laugh a little at the older male’s answer. “That was really romantic” He whispers, and it’s only a little bit teasing, and overwhelmingly fond the rest of that bit
Prapai’s answering laugh is flustered. “You know me” He teases back, and for a short lived second Sky feels like nothing is wrong in the world
But everything is wrong, and there’s only one way to fix it
“I think it’s better if he…doesn’t love me” Sky whispers, avoiding Prapai’s gaze, because he looks so worried. “I’m fucked up, P’Pai, and I don’t want to fuck him up too. It’s a wonder that I haven’t fucked you up yet”
“Hey, do not say that. You are not fucked up, Sky. You’re hurt, and you’re scarred, but you are also so strong, and you have survived something that nobody should have to. Something that some people don’t, whether in the moment, or afterwards” Prapai repeats to him the words that he has heard who knows how many times before, his voice just as stern as always
“Rain loves you for a reason, baby, and I doubt that he would want that love, and potentially all of his memories of you, to be taken away from him” Prapai continues, Sky wiping furiously at his eyes as they tear up again
“What if that’s the only way to save him? I…I can’t lose him, Pai, not like that. I’d rather have him forget me and live, than love me and die” Sky whispers, his voice breaking as his tears fall free, choking back a sob when Prapai reaches out to wipe them away
“It can’t be the only way. There has to be something else that we can do, okay? We’ll figure it out. He’ll be okay” Prapai whispers, hoping with everything he has that it was the truth
🌧 🌪 ☁ ༄
Sky is beyond anxious when they return to the lobby, face still red and eyes still swollen and aching from how much he’s cried, despite his best efforts to hide it
He knows that the decision to have the doctor do the surgery is ultimately Rain’s mom’s, still legally considered his medical proxy, and he feels like he can’t breathe thinking about what she decided
It makes sense for her to decide in favor of the surgery, even if she has been made aware of Rain’s feelings and the consequences against them, because obviously she would want her only child to survive by any means, even if those means are him losing his feelings, and potentially even some of his memories-
Sky doesn’t expect Rain’s mom to pull him into a tight hug, so he freezes completely when she does. “Phayu explained everything to me” Rain’s mom whispers, and Sky holds his breath as he waits for the other shoe to drop- “We won’t be continuing forward with the surgery”
Sky exhales heavily as he practically melts into her arms in response to the words, his eyes stinging when they fill with tears once more. “Thank you” He whispers quietly, Rain’s mom pulling back from the hug enough to cup his cheeks, wiping his tears away
“Oh, darling. You don’t have to thank me. I could never hurt you boys like that. Rain would be miserable if he had to live without you, and I suppose you would be much the same” She whispers, Sky letting out a watery sounding laugh
Maybe a while ago, he would have denied that, but he can’t find it in himself to do so now. After all, it was the truth
“We’ll talk to the doctors and see if there is anything else that can be done. We’ll even take him to a specialist if we have to” Rain’s mom promises, Sky dissolving into tears once more as he hugs her again, Rain’s mom playing with his hair as he sobs against her shoulder, feeling like things might actually turn out okay for the first time since Rain had disappeared
Sky goes back to Phayu’s house with him and Prapai when visiting hours end, the three deciding that it was best for Rain’s mom to stay with him for the night; since she’s had the least amount of time to come to terms with everything, and since the three males needed to talk
Sky rides in the car with Prapai, Phayu keeping a steady pace beside them on his bike, the drive quiet
Sky keeps anxiously glancing back out the window to Phayu, because what if the older male isn’t okay with Sky and Prapai sharing Rain’s feelings? What is he wants to keep Rain all to himself, even after all of this-
Sky inhales sharply as Prapai reaches over to grab one of his hands, tightening his own hold when the older male goes to pull away
Normally he would scold Prapai for this; for driving with only one hand, and being ‘reckless’, but right now he needed the comfort that the point of contact was bringing him, quieting the onslaught happening in his head for the moment
“It’s going to be okay” Prapai whispers softly, bringing Sky’s hand up to his mouth and pressing a gentle kiss to the back of it when they stop at a red light, Sky smiling softly at the gesture, catching a just as soft looking smile on Phayu’s face as he watches them when he glances back out the window to the older male
Sky’s nerves kick back in when they pull up to Phayu’s house, and continue to climb as they follow the older male inside after he unlocks the door, motioning for them to go and sit down in the living room as he detours to the kitchen
Sky’s leg bounces as he sits in one of the armchairs; his favorite one to curl up in when he’s at Phayu’s house to study with Rain, curled into a ball in a mirror of the hospital waiting room, only slightly more comfortable this time
Prapai sits in the armchair to the side of his, casting him worried looks every few seconds, before Phayu returns with a glass of each of their favorite drinks, and a plate of freshly cut fruit for them to snack on, Sky’s stomach churning at the sight of it all, even as he longs to reach out for his drink and take a few sips, and grab a few pieces of the watermelon on the plate, looking so sweet-
“So. We need to talk” Phayu starts, and Sky feels himself physically jolt in response, Phayu’s gaze immediately snapping over to him, filled with worry even as he continues. “Rain told you about how he felt?” Phayu asks, taking Pai’s nod as answer for both of them. “And how do you two feel?”
It feels like a loaded question, even if Sky knows what Phayu means
‘How do you feel about Rain?’
‘How do you feel about what he told you?’
“We feel the same” Prapai whispers, Sky giving a small nod when Phayu sends him a questioning look. “We talked about it in the cafeteria, and we both feel the same way about Rain as he feels about us. Is that okay?” Prapai adds
“I don’t think we would be sitting here, talking about this, if it wasn’t” Phayu remarks, and Sky thinks that maybe it should sound sharp, but it sounds like he’s teasing them instead, and Sky uncurls just the tiniest bit in response
“I’ve thought about it as well, and I really don’t mind that Rain has feelings for you both. Actually, I’m kind of glad that it’s you two he has feelings for, instead of anyone else. I think this would be a lot different if that was the case” Phayu continues, Sky’s brows furrowing slightly as he looks up at the older male
“After what happened with Stop, I haven’t wanted to let Rain out of my sight. I haven’t wanted him to go anywhere without me, and I especially haven’t wanted him to be alone with anyone. Except for you two. I feel safe when he’s with you, because I know that he’s safe with you. So, Rain being in love with you both just makes me feel that much better, because it means that he trusts you, and that he feels safe with you as well, and that you take good care of him — and while I didn’t doubt that, the confirmation is still nice” Phayu explains
Sky thinks over the older male’s words, turning them around in his head and then just letting them sit for a second. “So…What now?” He finally speaks up, keeping his voice quiet as his nerves surge up again
“Well…Ideally, we would all four sit down and talk through everything, and then figure out what each of us wants moving forwards and make our decisions from there. But, since that isn’t an option right now, I think it’s best that we wait until it is before we decide anything. Right now, we’ve talked about what we needed to, and the three of us seem to be on the same page about this, so I think that’s a good place to leave this for now”
Sky tries not to think of the looming, very possible, ‘what if’ scenario of Rain never waking up, and them never getting the chance to have that talk with him, as he listens to Phayu
The older male is right, as always. There’s nothing else that they can do about any of this until Rain wakes up — if he wakes up — because they need his input as well before anything can be decided-
“It’s late, and we should really get some rest. Why don’t you two stay the night?” Phayu asks, and Sky almost wants to protest and just go back to his dorm, alone, hiding out and pushing everyone away like he always does in a crisis
But the more that he thinks about it, the less he can stand the thought of being alone, especially with his own thoughts, and the consequences that it might bring, so he silently agrees instead and follows the older two to the guest room
Phayu helps them fix up the bed, and then waits for them to get settled under the covers before he leaves, telling them that he’ll be just down the hall in his room, and to come get him if they need to
Prapai falls asleep easy, but Sky feels restless as he lays in the bed, staring up at the dark ceiling
While it feels like a significant weight has been lifted from him since his talk with Prapai in the cafeteria, and his talk with the older two just now in the living room, Sky still feels like he’s being crushed, and he can’t help but wonder if it’s how Rain has felt this entire time
He can’t help but think back on all of their interactions, and point out all of the signs that he should have noticed when they happened, before it was too late, because maybe then Rain would be okay, at home with them, not laying in a hospital bed just waiting to die-
Sky squeezes his eyes shut, the crushing weight draping over him like a blanket pressing down harder and harder, making him feel like he’s going to shatter into a million little pieces that can’t be put back together
“Sh, it’s okay” Someone whispers from beside him, Sky’s ears ringing just enough for him to hear the words, but too much for him to be able to place the voice speaking them, a different weight settling over him and seemingly trying to chase away the crushing one — and, if that was its goal, it was doing a really good job
“It’s okay, we’ve got you. Just rest” Another voice whispers, and Sky’s exhaustion finally begins tugging at him, almost as if summoned to do so by the voice, before he finally slips under into a dreamless sleep
🌧 🌪 ☁ ༄
Sky sits at Rain’s bedside, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest from a machine breathing for him, and he can almost convince himself that it isn’t — that Rain is the one breathing on his own, that he’s okay-
It’s been three weeks since he had to be intubated, and he’s still shown no signs of improvement, and no signs of waking up
They took him to so many different doctors by now that Sky has lost count; of how many uncomfortable chairs he’s slept in, of how many times he has sat beside Rain and waited for any new developments, of how many uncomfortable hotel rooms he’s slept in, of how many late nights he spent staring at the ceiling until Phayu and Prapai finally manage to lull him to sleep
He’s lost count of how many times they’ve been told there is nothing that the doctors can do for Rain, past the originally mentioned surgery, or helping them set up comfortable end of life care for him
Sky has lost count of how many times he has sat like this, praying for his best friend to just wake up and be fine, even if he doesn’t love him anymore-
Sky jolts as sudden pressure encases his hand, his eyes widening as he looks down at where it is intertwined with one of Rain’s own, seeing the other male’s fingers twitching against his every few seconds
There’s no other change; Rain’s eyes remain closed, the beep of the heart monitor is the same, the beat unchanged, and the mechanical wise and fall of his chest is the same, but-
But this is progress
This is good!
Sky can barely reach the emergency call button with his free hand, pressing it repeatedly as he continues to stare down at where Rain’s hand and fingers occasionally twitch and flex, tightening and loosening against his own-
“He’s moving!” Sky rushes out as the newest doctor they’ve taken Rain to rushes into the room, followed closely by Phayu, Prapai, and Rain’s mom, who had been down in the cafeteria getting food, Sky having declined going with them, not wanting to leave Rain alone somewhere unfamiliar
This doctor was the only one so far to not write them off; accepting Rain into a clinical trial specifically for end stage hanahaki patients, to try and reverse the flowers’ growths with as little damage as possible, warning them that the meds he was put on might not work, and that even if they do, the effects could take a while to make themselves known, and they had had to take Rain out of state to get to her and start his treatment
“He squeezed my hand, and he’s moving his fingers” Sky elaborates as the doctor walks closer, moving to the side of the bed that Sky sits at and watching where their hands are connected
Nothing happens, and Sky is starting to wonder if he’s imagined it, when suddenly Rain’s hold on his hand tightens, more than it had minutes ago, the doctor’s eyes widening. “Oh, this is…this is amazing” She whispers. “We’ve never had anyone respond to treatment this fast, or this well” She adds
Sky doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but it’s hard not to when he hears that. If Rain is responding well to the treatment, then that must mean that there is hope after all for him to wake up-
“We’re going to need to run some more tests, but I believe that this a very good sign”
🌧 🌪 ☁ ༄
Sky paces the waiting room in a mirror of the first time that they learned how bad Rain’s hanahaki had progressed, hoping that they’ll be told that the flowers have shrunken at least a little bit instead this time
“Sky” Prapai tries to call him over to where the older two are sitting with Rain’s mom, but Sky refuses once again, because he feels like if he sits down right now he is going to burst at the seams with how anxious he is right now-
“Sky” Phayu calls him, his voice firmer than Prapai dares to ever make his own when Sky gets like this, making the younger male freeze mid pace. “Come sit down. People are getting irritated, and you’re just working yourself up” Phayu continues, his voice softer now, and Sky mocks him under his breath for being right — Phayu raises a brow at him but doesn’t say anything as Sky drops into the seat between him and Prapai
“Sorry, I just- This could be the first bit of good news we’ve gotten in six weeks” Sky mumbles, Phayu sighing softly as he reaches out, gently squeezing the younger male’s shoulder
“I know, and it’s okay to be anxious about it, but we don’t need you to work yourself into a spiral over it, and you need to be mindful that there are other people waiting here too” Phayu whispers, Sky sighing softly as he nods a little, leaning his head against Prapai’s shoulder
It feels like forever before the doctor enters the waiting room and makes her way over to them, pulling one of the chairs over so that she can face the four
“We’ve got back the results of our tests, and the growth of the flowers in Rain’s lungs have decreased by five percent. I know that sounds very small, but this is amazing progress, especially with how short of a time he has been in the trial. He is responding well to his treatment, so we are going to try increasing the dosage of his medication” She explains
“How would that affect him?” Rain’s mom asks, the doctor smiling softly
“By increasing his medication, we hope that it will work more effectively. So far, we have had him on a small test dose. Considering the decrease in the flowers’ growth from just that little bit, we believe that by putting him on the full dose of medication, the flowers’ growth will decrease faster, and by a greater percent” She explains
Sky feels tears prick his eyes at the words, pure hope growing inside of him for the first time since Prapai had texted him and Phayu to say that he had found Rain
They follow the doctor back to Rain’s room, watching as she increases the dosage of his medication, and Sky has to remind himself that it won’t immediately change anything when he finds himself holding his breath
They stay by Rain’s bedside for the rest of their visiting hours, talking to him and delighting in each small squeeze or movement of his hand that they get in response
Sky doesn’t want to leave when it comes time to, feeling like half of his soul is being ripped away from him when the doctor informs them that it was time to go, the group having decided that Rain’s mom should be the one to stay with him overnight while they were here
“I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?” Sky whispers softly, brushing some of Rain’s hair back from where it’s somehow fallen in his eyes. “I am so proud of you” He adds, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Rain’s head
When he pulls back, he swears that there’s a small smile on Rain’s face
🌧 🌪 ☁ ༄
When they first get the call from Rain’s mother, they’re asleep
It’s been another three weeks since Rain had been started on the full treatment plan, and the doctor tells them that the flowers’ growth has continued to decrease by the day, faster than they ever could have hoped, now up to a thirty five percent decrease
Despite this, when they’re first woken by her call, with Rain’s mom saying nothing other than to get to the hospital, sounding in the middle of tears, Sky assumes the worst
‘What if Rain stopped responding to the treatment?’
‘What if the flowers grew back, and it was worse this time?’
‘What if Rain was gone?’
Sky tries to tamp down his anxiety as he sits in the backseat of Phayu’s car, Prapai beside the older male in the front seat, the two seeming to have a silent conversation with each other that Sky can’t focus very much on
All he can focus on is the worry about what they’re going to walk into when they arrive at the hospital, almost not wanting to get out of the car when they park in front of the building, and almost wanting to stay in the lobby when they enter
With everything that could have happened that Sky had conjured up in his head, he never thought that what they would be walking into was Rain sitting up in his hospital bed, his eyes open, and the intubation tube gone
All three of them freeze in the doorway, and for a moment Sky thinks that this is all just a cruel dream, and that he’s going to wake up back in the hotel, staring at the dark ceiling as Phayu and Prapai sleep beside him-
“I’ll give you boys some space” Rain’s mom says, smiling kindly at them as she leaves the room, the click of the door shutting shocking Sky out of his stupor
Rain lets out a startled laugh as Sky quickly crosses the room, settles beside him on the hospital bed, and immediately pulls him into a tight hug, before letting out a worried little noise when Sky’s shoulders start to shake, and his tears start to soak through Rain’s hospital gown
“You scared the fuck out of me” Sky says, and he would deny it to anyone that the words came out as a whine, Rain faltering for a second before tightening his arms around Sky and pulling him closer
“I’m sorry” He whispers — and it isn’t just for Sky, but an apology for Phayu and Prapai as well, the older males finally making their way to the side of Rain’s bed and sitting down beside his legs
“How are you feeling, baby?” Phayu whispers, running a hand through Rain’s hair — it’s gotten so long while he was sleeping-
“Honestly? Not entirely the best” Rain whispers, making a soft shushing noise when Sky tenses in his arms. “But, I feel a lot better than I did” He adds, Sky letting out a soft breath as he deflates again. “The doctor came in when I woke up, then took the intubation tube out and left. Mom wanted to give you guys some time with me before I was carted away for more tests”
Phayu laughs softly at this, leaning forwards to press a soft kiss to Rain’s forehead. “Remind me to thank her for that” He whispers, reveling in having his boy awake for the moment. They could call the doctor in a moment, but right now they all needed this
Especially Sky
“Phi-” Rain starts, Phayu quickly cutting him off with a shake of his head, already sensing what the younger male was going to say
“Later. We can talk about all of that later, okay? It’s okay” He whispers, Rain taking a small deep breath before nodding and relaxing back into the bed
Eventually, they manage to get Sky to let go of Rain and let them call the doctor, who smiles happily when she enters the room, glancing over to Sky as he hovers beside the bed, looking between her, Rain, and their Phis anxiously
“Now that you’re awake, you may have someone stay with you while we run our tests, if you’d like” Rain’s doctor offers him, Rain sending a quick look to Phayu, before turning his attention to Sky when the older male gives him a small nod, Phayu and Prapai quietly leaving the room
“Alright. We need to do some blood work first, and then we will take you down for some scans. That’s all, okay?” Rain’s doctor asks, Rain taking a small deep breath as he nods
He isn’t the biggest fan of needles — far from it, actually — and Sky knows this, settling down beside Rain in the bed when the doctor motions that it’s okay for him to do so and taking Rain’s hand in his own
“I’m right here, okay? Just focus on me” Sky whispers, Rain taking another deep breath as he nods again, keeping his eyes on Sky, even as he catches the doctor moving around in his periphery
Rain tightens his hold on Sky’s hand when he feels the needle poke into his arm, whispering a soft apology when Sky winces in pain, but he otherwise makes no move to get Rain to let go, so Rain doesn’t
“Just need a little more and then I’ll be done, okay? You’re doing so well, Rain” The doctor reassures him, Rain letting out a sigh of relief when she finally pulls the needle from his arm, covering the wound with a bandage. “Alright, the hard part is over” The doctor says, Rain sending Sky a wary glance
“All they need to do for the imaging is an X-Ray, and maybe an MRI, right?” He whispers, aiming the last part at the doctor, who nods with a soft, reassuring smile
“Depending on the imagining that we can get from the X-Ray, we might need to do an MRI, or we might choose to do one anyway, in order to get a better grasp of your current condition. I’m not going to lie, the MRI machine is quite scary to a lot of people, and it is loud, but we will provide you with ear protection and a button that you can press if you need out of the machine. All we need you to do is lay still while we get our scans”
“Would Sky be able to come with me?” Rain asks nervously, his doctor humming softly
“He can’t go into the X-Ray room itself with you, or the MRI room, both for safety reasons, but he can stand in the room with us on the other side of the glass, that way you can still see him” She says, Rain relaxing slightly in response
“Okay” He whispers, his doctor giving him a small nod
“Alright. Do you want to try and get into a wheelchair, or would you rather me take you in the bed?” She asks, Rain looking around at the various wires connected to him. “I can remove most of those now that you’re awake” His doctor adds, Rain nodding slightly
“Wheelchair then, please” He decides, his doctor giving him another nod
“Alright, I will be right back with that” She says before leaving the room, Rain looking over at where Sky is staring after her, gently reaching out and squeezing his hand until the other male looks back at him — which doesn’t really take long, Sky never looking away for too much time
Rain wants to talk to him, about everything, but Phayu had told him to wait until later, and he can see just how overwhelmed Sky already is and doesn’t want to make it any worse- “Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Sky asks, Rain smiling softly as he shakes his head
“Just wanted to hold your hand” He whispers, in a bid to get his best friend to relax, smiling a little more when it works, Sky smiling back as he squeezes Rain’s hand gently in return
He steps away when the doctor comes back in with the wheelchair, watching as she unhooks some of the wires connected to Rain, before moving to help her get Rain into the wheelchair, after he nearly falls trying to get up and do it himself
“Careful. You were unconscious for six weeks, Rain, don’t push yourself too fast” Sky scolds, Rain pouting slightly at his friend, even as he nods, the doctor letting Sky push Rain’s wheelchair to the X-Ray room and help to get Rain set up for his X-Rays
Like the doctor said, Sky is able to stand with her where Rain can see him through the glass, helping to ease his nerves as he waits for the X-Ray to finish
“Alright, we will look at these and then decide if further imagining is required. For now, let's get you back to your room” Rain’s doctor says, her and Sky helping him back into the wheelchair, before also helping him back into the bed once they’re back in his room
Sky almost immediately moves to lay beside him, wrapping his arms around Rain with a soft sigh, Rain smiling happily as he melts into the hold
When the doctor returns, Sky is asleep beside him, Rain’s doctor smiling softly at the sight of the two, carefully pulling a seat over to Rain’s beside
“Your X-Rays look great, so we’re not going to do an MRI for now. They’ve shown that your flowers’ growth has regressed by fifty three percent, which is far better than we could have hoped, so we’re going to discharge you with a prescription for your medication. The schedule for when you have to take it is strict, but you need to stick to it, otherwise the flowers’ growth will stop regressing, and it could even get worse again” She says, Rain nodding, unable to fight the small smile that makes its way onto his face
“I want you to stay in the area, okay? We’re going to need to do pretty frequent testing to monitor your reaction to the medication, and the progress of your treatment. There’s a hotel room that the hospital pays for, for people enrolled in the trial and their family” His doctor adds, Rain nodding again, watching as she leaves to go and tell Rain’s mom and his phis
Sky stirs at his side a few minutes later, and Rain can’t contain his excitement, waiting just long of enough for Sky to be awake enough to understand what he’s telling him before he shares the news
The speed at which Sky fully wakes up has to be a world record, the other male sitting straight up in the hospital bed and staring at Rain like this might just be a sick joke, before pulling him into a tight hug
The doctor comes back an hour later, smiling happily as she hands Phayu and Rain’s mom each a copy of his treatment plan, and a bottle of his medication. “You’re now free to go, Rain”
🌧 🌪 ☁ ༄
True to the doctor’s word, Rain’s medication schedule is strict, his mom, Sky, and their phis just as strict with getting him to take it literally as soon as the time hits
He’s been out of the hospital for four weeks, but he’s back now to discuss his latest test results with his doctor, who had unusually asked to see them all in person, where normally she discusses his results over the phone with them
Rain can’t help but feel anxious, and Sky looks to be fairing much the same, fidgeting at Rain’s side as they wait for the doctor to enter the room they had been told to wait in
She’s smiling when she does enter, so it can’t be bad news…right?
“I’m going to get straight to it. Your flowers’ growth is down by eighty five percent. You are responding far better to the medication than most patients do, especially this fast, so I feel safe to send you home” She says, Rain and Sky both sagging in relief, all five of them wearing matching smiles
“I am going to send you home with a prescription for your medication. I want you to continue taking that, as well as regularly seeing a doctor to continue your monitoring. They will send me all of your results, and I will tell you when you can stop treatment” She adds, Rain nodding happily
“Alright. Now get out of here. Go home” His doctor finishes with a smile, Rain practically bouncing the entire way back to the hotel, the entire time that they are packing, the entire way to the airport, and even on the flight back home, bouncing in his seat until Sky presses a hand to the nape of his neck, making him freeze
“Calm down” He whispers, cutting Rain off before he can say anything. “I know, we’re excited too, but there are other people around, and we don’t want to bother them” He adds, Rain nodding as he quickly wills himself to settle down
Sometime during their flight he must fall asleep, because the next thing he is aware of is someone carrying him the familiar path to his and Phayu’s room — Phayu, he realizes, is the one carrying him, and he can hear Prapai and Sky following behind them
They all settle down in the same room that night, not a single one of them keen on being very far from each other at the moment, and when he wakes up in the morning, Rain is ready to talk about everything still hanging in the air between them
He’s not the only one; Phayu cooking them breakfast, waiting until they are all done eating to call their attention to it
Sky and Prapai share a look, before turning their focus to Rain. “Me and P’Pai talked about it, with each other and with P’Phayu, while you were asleep, and…we have feelings for you as well” Sky whispers, Rain’s eyes widening slightly as he looks between the three
That…was not what he expected
He honestly expected for Prapai and Sky to let him down easy, not for them to love him too
“Um…Since we’re on the topic…I feel like I should tell all of you that I have kind of…developed feelings for P’Phayu as well” Sky adds anxiously, it now Phayu’s turn to be shocked, especially when Prapai admits the same
There’s a new type of tension in the air after the confession, and after Phayu admits that the feelings are mutual; like they’re all walking a very thin line and just waiting to topple over it, into something new and scary, but like they’re all scared to do so
“So…What happens now?” Prapai whispers, after a bit too long of silence has stretched between them, and Rain decides that he’s done being scared. It’s what got them into this entire mess in the first place, after all
“I’d like to try a relationship with all four of us, if it’s what you want?” He suggests, toppling over and bringing the others with him as he watches them think about it, before one by one they all agree, and it immediately feels right, the four of them together like this
The next- Rain doesn’t know how many hours, are spent with the four carefully talking things over, setting boundaries and rules, and having other general discussions about what they’re moving forwards into
By the end of it all, the air feels lighter, and as Rain stares at himself in the bathroom mirror that night as he gets ready for bed, one last flower falls past his lips, and his lungs feel lighter as well; a white rose cradled in his hand