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“Have you ever seen a field of dandelions?”
“Dandelions?”
“Mhm! You know how we went to visit my aunt who lives out in the countryside last week? She lives near the edge of town and there’s miles of open land behind her house. Me and mom-”
“Mom and I, Kook-ah”
“Yeah, yeah whatever,” Jungkook says, rolling his eyes before he continues, “Anyways, my aunt has a stable and so we took the horses out riding. We were there for about an hour or so when we found a little stream. It’s the perfect place for a picnic hyung! The grass is so green and there are a bunch of trees there for shade and the stream is so clear and cold-”
“Dandelions Kookie.” comes Taehyung’s gentle reminder to the ten-year-old.
“What? Oh right. So if you cross the stream and make your way through the trees, it opens up into a clearing and the field was filled with dandelions. It was beautiful.”
“Really?”
“Mhm! They were so fluffy and big and there was this sudden breeze which made them all fly into the air. It was like a mix of cherry blossoms during spring and snowfall!”
“I’m sure it was pretty. I want to see it too.” Taehyung says, longing for a sight he had never seen.
“I’ll take you with me next time Tae! And we can ask mom to make some food and we can go have a picnic.” The younger one screams, jumping up and down on the couch, the movie they were watching ignored in a matter of seconds.
“Don’t jump on the couch Jungkook” His mom’s voice rings out from the kitchen and the boy immediately sits back down, a sheepish smile on his face, giggling along with Taehyung.
It’s after a few minutes of silence, that Taehyung speaks up again, “Did you know that if you make a wish and blow on a dandelion, your wish is supposed to come true?”
“Really?” The younger turns to him immediately with wide eyes, sparkling in excitement, only to deflate the next second. “Noooo, I should have done that…”
Just then Jungkook’s mom makes her way back to the living room, two plates of sandwiches with her.
“Mom! Did you know that if you make a wish and blow on a dandelion, your wish comes true?”
The woman chuckles, ruffling her son’s hair gently as she settles next to him.
“Of course I did. Everyone knows it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jungkook whines, pouting at his missed opportunity.
“It’s ok Kookie,” Tae pipes up from beside him, flashing a wide smile, “You can always go back and this time I’ll come with you.”
“Really? You will? You promise?” Jungkook says, holding out his pinky.
“I promise.”
***
Wishes are often seen as expressed hopes, as manifestations of desire. They don’t come true, not always, and are often seen as futile. But what are humans if not creatures of hope? And so every day, people make wishes upon wishes, regardless of whether they achieve them, only to cling to hope.
For Taehyung and Jungkook, it’s what connects them. It was how they met.
It was a warm summer night and Jungkook’s parents had given in to his demands for ice cream. They ventured out into the streets, the cold breeze a welcome contrast to the unrelenting heat of the day. His parents watch as he jumps around the park they had stopped by, running around high on sugar before he eventually sits on a swing, staring up at the sky.
“Did you know that if you wish on a falling star, it comes true?”
Jungkook whips around to see a young boy, around his age standing behind him, an ice cream cone in his hand.
“Who told you?” he asks.
“My dad! He’s over there,” he points over to his parents who are talking to his own.
“Oh look! There’s one now.”
They both whip their heads back to the sky, watching as a streak of white and blue crosses the sky in the distance. They close their eyes and clasp their hands, wishing for whatever it was.
“What did you boys wish for?” the boy’s mom asks as both their parents come up to stand behind them.
“Can’t tell!” the boy exclaims, “Dad said that if you tell your wish out loud it doesn’t come true.”
“Is that so?” Jungkook’s mom bends down to look him in the eye.
“Mhm. He says that wishes are tiny butterflies that fly to the person who grants wishes. If you say them out loud, they will disappear and your wish won’t come true.”
“Really?” Jungkook screams, eyes widening as he slaps his hand on his mouth to prevent himself from accidentally saying it out loud.
The adults all laugh as the boy pats his back comfortingly.
“I’m Taehyung and I’m six.” The boy introduces himself.
“I’m Jungkook and I’m 4!” he replies, flashing a smile with his adorable bunny teeth on display.
***
Wishes are expressed hopes, silent desires they held close to their hearts, only revealing it in hushed breaths. When the longing became too much, they overflowed and spilt out in rushed words and timid hope.
For Taehyung and Jungkook, it’s what connects them. It was the only thing that held their relationship together. The only thing that held their soul together.
When Taehyung is fifteen, and Jungkook is thirteen, the unthinkable happens.
When you’ve spent close to ten years with someone, it is natural to blend into each other. To be an extension of each other and spend all your time with them. Naturally, when a distance blooms in between, it feels like a man without a limb, like walking around in blinding darkness.
When Taehyung is fifteen and Jungkook is thirteen, the unthinkable happens and suddenly, Taehyung is moving miles away from him, leaving Jungkook behind grappling with his life that’s devoid of his other half.
It sounds dramatic. Jungkook surely was being dramatic. Skipping school for two days straight before his mom had enough and practically kicked him out of bed to get up and get ready.
It didn’t help that he had only really spoken to the older in school and no one else. Sure they were in different grades, and sure Jungkook had friends, but none of them were as close as Taehyung had been.
It was an adjustment, one Jungkook had to deal with on his own. Phone calls and texts could only do so much to help. It helped that they both found new friends and new hobbies, outside of each other, growing to find themselves individually. It helped that despite it all, they would still talk, not feeling neglected. Childish jealousy and unhealthy possessiveness an absence in their bond.
But no matter who they met, who they talked to - they couldn’t come close to the other, let alone replace them.
Their daily visits boiled down to holidays, with Taehyung spending a summer at Jungkook’s and Jungkook spending the next at Taehyung’s.
They spent their days fooling around, meeting each other’s friends, introducing each other as their best friend. They’d do their summer work together, both their parents adamant about not letting them do anything until they were done with it first.
They spent their nights lying down and looking up at the stars, similar to how they met, searching the sea of stars to make a wish. They’d find every dandelion they could and clench their eyes shut at every 11:11 possible, just to spend a little extra time with each other.
But inevitably, they’d be saying goodbye at the end of their holidays together, counting the days until they’d see each other again.
Life went on and so did they.
***
One year, after saying goodbye to Taehyung, he goes out to a fair with his friends to spend some time doing anything but sit and mope, having to learn to live with the distance all over again. He would have loved it if the older was with him but he knew that being in his final year, he would be busy, preparing to head off to college and write tests.
He walks around, playing games and having fun, when he stumbles upon an origami stall looking quaint but elegant among the other ones laden with prizes and attractions. The colours beckon him forward, promising sweet, sweet things.
He learns of the different things he could do with just a piece of paper, creating magnificent things out of just a square. He learns of the legends of stars and cranes. Of how folding a star brings one luck, but giving it away gives the receiver greater luck and one wish. Learns of how folding a thousand cranes grants one a wish.
Naturally, he falls into sweet temptation.
The next day, he comes home from shopping not with school books or other essentials, but with stacks of origami paper. He has to make another trip later, but he finds that he has no regrets.
He folds and folds, until his fingers are paining, until there is a rainbow of colours on his bedroom floor, crumpled rejects lying in wait as he finds some use for them. When his school starts again, and he realises how ridiculous he was being, he resolves to folding just one per day.
It’s the only thing that gets him through the particularly tough days.
When his birthday rolls around and Taehyung comes over to visit, he closes his bedroom door, warding Taehyung off with excuses of a messy room and a school project. It’s not like they would be spending their time there anyway, the basement has and will always be (until they live there) their place.
On the day of his birthday, they head out to the amusement park, returning just in time for both their families to join them for dinner. Mr. and Mrs. Kim give him a video game, one he had been eyeing for a long time. He jumps over the table to hug them, whispering ‘thank you’ over and over again to the soundtrack of laughter, tears welling in his eyes.
“Happy birthday Jungkook-ah,” Mr. Kim chuckles, patting his back as Mrs. Kim wipes his tears, kissing his cheek.
His parents give him a set of colouring pencils, really expensive ones of the highest quality, made specifically for artists and it results in another round of almost tears.
And then comes Taehyung. Taehyung, who had been busy for the last few months, except maybe during the summer. Taehyung, who had gotten a part-time job. Taehyung who had gotten him a really expensive camera. Taehyung, who caught him in his arms so automatically, as though it was instinct on Jungkook’s part to jump and second nature on Taehyung’s part to catch.
Because he would always catch him. No matter how many times he fell.
Like that one time, he fell off a tree and Taehyung, young, foolish Taehyung, had tried catching him, his arms out above himself only to result in him crumpling to the ground and his ankle twisted.
Taehyung cried. Jungkook cried harder. Taehyung was taken to the hospital. Jungkook was made to sit at home. Taehyung came back with his family to find Jungkook returning from the park nearby, clutching every four-leafed clover he could find.
‘I wish Taehyung isn’t in any pain’
‘I wish Taehyung isn’t in any pain’
‘I wish Taehyung isn’t in any pain’
‘I wish…’
The lights in the restaurant turn off and the staff come out with a cake. And despite all the embarrassment he felt because which sixteen-year-old would want to celebrate their birthday like so, he couldn’t stop grinning.
He blows the candle, closing his eyes and wishing for more moments like these, where all he knows is love. Where all he knows is Taehyung.
The days go by and winter approaches. It brings with it snow, Christmas, holidays and most important of all, Taehyung’s birthday.
The moment they reach, Jungkook having enough insight, packs the most important gift in his parents' luggage, anticipating Taehyung’s restless nature.
“Hyung!” Jungkook laughs, stumbling behind the older as he is dragged into the room, “Your birthday is tomorrow hyung. I’m sure you can wait until then. It’s supposed to be a surprise.”
“Don’t care,” Taehyung says as takes his suitcase from him, snatches it really, “What’s the passcode?”
“Hyung, aren’t you excited to see me? Is the gift more important than your Kookie?”
Taehyung freezes at that, pausing for all but a second before he wraps himself around Jungkook, kissing his forehead. Jungkook melts into the warmth, wrapping his arms around the older’s waist, nuzzling into the fabric of his t-shirt.
“I missed you Kookie.” He hears the older say, deep voice gentle in a way it so often is with him.
“I missed you too Tae,” He replies, tightening his hold only to have Taehyung pull back the next second.
“Ok, now where is my gift.”
Jungkook giggles and Taehyung laughs, a harmony enveloping the room.
Jungkook presents Taehyung with his gift of a vinyl record player, having found his grandfather’s old one and getting it fixed up.
Taehyung doesn’t stop using it for the rest of the day, replaying vinyl until his mom has to beg him to stop.
They stay up, talking talking talking.
They stay up until the clock turns twelve.
They stay up and Jungkook brings out his other gift, a jar of origami stars, each one made with love.
“Folding one is supposed to give you good luck and giving them to another is supposed to give them greater luck. Folding a hundred gives you a wish. My gift to you is my wish. Happy birthday hyung. I hope you have as much luck and as many wishes as there are stars in the sky.”
***
Somewhere between wishing on eyelashes and ladybugs, between dandelions and four-leaf clovers, between stars and cranes, Jungkook falls in love.
Like the air, it sits inside him, sometimes a brutal swirl, sometimes a soft breeze. Intense, captivating but unrecognisable.
Between college, school, entrances and life choices, they don’t talk much, Jungkook too busy to text him. And so he makes a journal, listing down all the things he’s unable to say, all the things he wants to say. All the things he doesn’t realise yet.
As he puts ink onto paper, the words, slowly forming in his best handwriting, the realisation comes the same. Slow.
He spends the next weeks pondering about it, analysing it, pocking and prodding at it. He does anything and everything to make sure it’s real and not just his imagination, a concoction of him missing Taehyung, wanting the older beside him and the loneliness that comes with having your best friend be out of reach.
But of course. They weren’t ever just best friends. They always had been each other’s better halves, completing each other but still so unique on their own.
The giddiness follows shortly after and then comes the fear.
Taehyung had gone off to university, figuratively, leaving Jungkook behind. The older had plenty of time to make new friends and find someone who completed him in a way Jungkook couldn’t. What good would it be to tell him now?
Struggling with insecurities and the loneliness and the feeling of frustration at not knowing what his purpose was in life and now this new and scary feeling, Jungkook buries the tiny blossoming buds under it all.
But stars always shine the brightest in darkness and Jungkook finds these feelings growing.
***
Jungkook is in university now, finally reunited with Taehyung.
Except not really.
They have different schedules which is to be expected considering they take different courses. But at least they live in the same dorm.
They’re close as ever, the distance not having made a dent in their relationship. But it’s also a process, of relearning someone. Their bond may not have changed but they have and while they would meet up during the holidays, spending eight blissful weeks together every year and then some, it’s no match for living with each other.
They fight at first, not having expected the sudden situation. Taehyung had been living alone and this was Jungkook’s first time sharing a space with someone. With classes and extracurriculars and Taehyung’s friends and Jungkook’s distinct lack of them, it’s a lot of adjusting and accommodating. More than they’re used to.
In the end, it takes a screaming match, the silent treatment that lasts for almost two days, an incredibly awkward family dinner and a lecture from both their parents for them to dissolve crying and finally make up.
It’s different after that. It’s easy, so easy to fall into each other again, going back to how they were. But it grows harder to keep the wind inside him now, to stop it from sweeping away him and Taehyung both in the process. Every day it rages on, growing stronger and stronger like a hurricane.
Then it stops.
And so does his heart.
He knew, somewhere deep down, that there was no way Taehyung wouldn’t date, wouldn’t want to find love for himself as Jungkook did. But it hurts and the wind stops trying to escape him and turns inwards instead, aiming to swallow up his heart.
He goes home one night, too overwhelmed with everything he felt. In the comfort of his bedroom, his parents a door away if he needed them, he folds the final crane, making it a thousand, tears dripping down his face.
“I wish, I wish, I wish…” He repeats.
He doesn’t know what he’s wishing for. Doesn’t know if he wants the feelings to vanish, leave him in a state of numbness, taking him back to when everything he felt was platonic and not the poison that was romance. Doesn’t know if he wants to be loved in return, wants Taehyung to see him as he sees his girlfriend. Wants Taehyung to look at him the way he did at his boyfriend.
He wishes and wishes and wishes.
He folded a hundred stars once and gave his wish away.
He folded a thousand cranes once and wished for it all to go away.
***
They’re here. Finally.
They stand in the field of dandelions. The very one Jungkook had stood in a long time ago. A time when he was never separated from his other half. A time when he didn’t have three words bubbling in his chest. A time when Taehyung wasn’t moving out of the country.
Jungkook wishes he was alone. Wishes he could blow on every flower there, anything to make Taehyung stay.
Jungkook wishes, wishes, wishes.
“I can’t believe it took me this long to come here,” Taehyung says looking at him.
They’re lying under a tree at the edge of the field, a picnic blanket underneath them and food scattered around them. The afternoon sun filters in through the branches and the spring breeze is a little like the one in Jungkook’s chest - calm and gentle.
He’s grown to accept his feelings, grown to accept the beauty of unrequited love. It hurts, sometimes, but then it doesn’t. There’s something about his one-sided love that he finds poetic. Loving Taehyung no matter where he may be, what he may be doing, whether they’re friends or not. He’ll always be waiting for him on the side, always with his arms open, ready to catch Taehyung for once if the older were to fall.
He makes a promise to himself, as he sees the diffused sun rays flicker across his love’s face, that if Taehyung can’t love him, he’ll find someone worthy of it to stand beside him instead.
As he lies beside Taehyung, the words bubble up yet again, climbing up his throat.
“I can’t believe you're scared of horses.” He says instead.
“Hey! That’s enough” Taehyung pouts, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.
“Wait until your parents hear of this,” Jungkook says.
“That’s it.” Taehyung leaps onto him, straddling him and pinning him down, hands attacking his waist and Jungkook’s laughter rings out in the open area, Taehyung’s accompanying his soon enough.
“Hyung… no… stop” he struggles to say amid his laughter, bright and clear. Happy.
“You need to learn how to deal with the consequences of your actions,” Taehyung says but stops nonetheless.
Jungkook takes the opportunity to sit up and push Taheyung away, offsetting his balance. He runs, runs without looking back. His white shirt flows in the wind, his peals of laughter trailing behind him. Taehyung runs after him, shouting at him to wait, but he can’t hear a thing over the wind rushing around him.
He runs until his lungs burn, until his breath turns harsh. He runs until he feels Taehyung catch him by the waist, both collapsing into a heap in the middle of the field, a flurry of dandelion seeds rising up around them, the only witnesses to their love, rising up to the heavens.
Taehyung is on top of him yet again, bright, bright, bright. His hair is shining with the sunlight and his eyes are crinkled at the sides. His laughter, deep and soothing, envelops Jungkook just as his arms do as well, wrapping him in a hug.
Taehyung is so warm, a radiant gold only for Jungkook’s eyes.
He laughs. Laughs until his lungs burn and his breath is harsh. Until tears sting his eyes. He laughs until he’s not. He laughs until he starts crying.
Taehyung’s own dies the minute he sees it in Jungkook’s eyes. He does not know what it is. Maybe it’s pain. Maybe it’s love. Maybe it’s hurt. Maybe it’s longing.
“What’s wrong?’ His voice comes, shaky, scared. His hands flutter around his face, doesn’t know whether to hug him or pat his tears dry. His eyes frantic as they search for any wound, for even the smallest crystal of blood.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, softer, slower. Urging Jungkook to speak.
“I hate you,” Jungkook says, the words bubbling underneath his skin.
“I love you,” Taehyung replies, without a beat. Confident in a way Jungkook could never be. Steadfast in the way Jungkook loves.
“Then why are you leaving?” Jungkook asks, hiding his face in his hands, voice muffled.
Taehyung helps him sit up instead of answering.
Jungkook doesn’t know what he expects. Doesn’t know if he’s expecting a hug, or a kiss. Doesn’t know if he’s expecting an argument or Taehyung leaving in frustration because he’s already explained it time and time again.
‘It’s a great opportunity Kookie. To see the world. To find myself. For my career and for my family. Besides it’s just a year. I will be back before you know it!’
Jungkook doesn’t know what he’s expecting but he knows he doesn’t expect Taehyung to pluck two dandelions and hand one to him.
“Make a wish.”
Jungkook wishes, wishes, wishes…
He opens his eyes, staring at Taehyung’s own, looking into his soul. He sees something. Something familiar. Something different.
Jungkook sees something in Taehyung’s eyes.
Then he doesn’t see anything at all.
He’s pictured, late nights when he can’t sleep spent staring at Taehyung’s back across the room, of how it would feel to have Taehyung kiss him.
Would it be soft and gentle, like a feather?
Would it be sweet, sweet, sweet, like cotton candy?
Would it be desperate, with overflowing longing like a parched man in need of water?
Would it be like a blaze, hidden desires finally come to light. Rough and hot and wet and messy. Passionate.
The answer is- all of them. Yet none at all.
He doesn’t know how to describe it. Doesn’t know how to word the sensations. Doesn’t know how to comprehend how it feels or what he feels. And, oh, the feelings.
Taehyung pulls back and Jungkook is frozen. He doesn’t know when he closed his eyes or when he stopped breathing, but he can’t bring himself to open his eyes or start his lungs. He’s scared it’s all a dream. He prays it’s not a dream.
He opens his eyes and sees Taehyung’s own gazing at him. Love reflected back at him. Because that’s what it had always been hadn’t it? Love.
He does the only thing he’s capable of, in the moment. He hits Taehyung on his chest, tackling him until he’s on top this time, punching over and over again because-
“Who the fuck does that?” he roars, tears blurring his vision, “Who the fuck kisses someone who’s crying instead of comforting them?!”
Taehyung laughs until his sides hurt. Laughs until Jungkook stops hitting him. Laughs, laughs, laughs until he’s not. Laughs until he’s panting and grinning like an idiot up at Jungkook, love, love, love shining through and seeping out of every cell in his body.
He stands up, bringing Jungkook up with him. Just the two of them in the vast world around them. Just the two of them in their tiny universe.
“Jungkookie, my darling Kookie. Say yes.”
He doesn’t have to elaborate further. Jungkook doesn’t need to ask. In this moment, there stands nothing between them. No doubt, no what-ifs, no fear, no insecurity. No words to complicate it further.
“Yes.”
And Jungkook falls, like a petal in the wind, like the dandelions around them, falls and gently drifts towards his love who stands before him, arms wide open to catch him.
As he always did.
As he was doing right now.
As he always would.