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With a flick of his fan, Shen Qingqiu unceremoniously removed Luo Binghe’s hand from where it sat on his thigh. Luo Binghe sat partly behind him, and without breaking his concentration on the meeting in front of him, he couldn’t see Binghe’s face, but could practically feel the pout aimed at him. In truth, he liked the display of
possession
ahem affection, but he had a reputation to uphold as a master and peak lord, especially in public. Even in private though, he couldn’t be outright lovey-dovey. The OOC function didn’t hold him back anymore, but he wasn’t going to completely abandon his persona as the aloof Shizun in favor of domestic bliss with his now husband.
The disciples on his mountain peak were no longer children, and the way time seemed to pass by in this world still baffled Shen Qingqiu. However, now that he was spending his days with Luo Binghe, going back and forth taking care of business in both the human and demon realms, time finally slowed down. The world still revolved around Luo Binghe after all. If it didn’t concern the protagonist, it wasn’t worth mentioning. The years without him passed in a turn of the page.
But time was something they had now. Time to sit down and talk to each other like real people, something Shen Qingqiu just hadn’t considered before. One day, Luo Binghe opened up about his childhood, and sure it was a story he knew, but it was different to hear it from the man himself. It wasn’t just a story, it was the harsh life he had actually lived and the emotions he felt during it. He listened to every word.
“I was very happy with Mother. I tried to help her clean clothes, but I was too strong and too clumsy. One day I accidentally tore up the garments and got both of us beaten. And when she…” He grew quiet talking about the washerwoman who raised him’s death. Shen Qingqiu wanted to reach out and hold his hand to reassure him and give him love. He settled for a curt and gentle pat on his fluffy head.
Shen Qingqiu could only talk vaguely about his own upbringing, being well-off but often ill. Luo Binghe didn’t pry, he was satisfied just being here with Shen Qingqiu. To him, the past didn’t matter, and Shen Qingqiu knew that.
It had been so long for both of them of just going, never stopping. Such was the life of a cultivator Shen Qingqiu had supposed. But cultivators and magic weren’t real. Luo Binghe wasn’t real. The System certainly didn’t treat anything as more than a game that Shen Qingqiu would have to survive. He wasn’t real.
That wasn’t something he could bring up to his husband, and Shang Qinghua wasn’t really receptive to philosophical discussions about their realness. Despite being the author, he didn’t remember every plot point, and was drowned in enough paperwork that he didn’t have time to ponder his existence. They could share woes about the system pinging them with unrealistic expectations, but being here since birth granted him innate citizenship in this world that Shen Qingqiu didn’t have.
Shen Qingqiu was an imposter. He would never be able to drop the mask entirely. The system probably wouldn’t penalize him anymore, but he couldn’t bear to tell Luo Binghe the whole truth.
It was for a few reasons. For one, Binghe’s first move after learning the truth would probably be to go kill Shang Qinghua, and as entertaining as it would be to see Binghe reject his “father,” he did care about the man enough to want him alive.
More importantly though, he cared about Luo Binghe. He loved him. And while he was secure in Binghe’s love for him back, he didn’t know how that knowledge would affect him. One thing was true though, something Shen Qingqiu could say confidently now: whether or not they were in a fantasy book world, it didn’t make the trauma they experienced any less real. It was ironic that his trauma would make him feel more grounded in this world. That and the love he and Binghe shared. That was real.
~~~
The meeting with the other ‘leaders of the cultivation world’ for planning the next few years had gone on way too long, and was far too exhausting. By the time Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe got back to the bamboo house (they had refused guest lodging on account of Luo Binghe only barely being welcome in the first place) it was the middle of the night.
Not bothering to hide his exhaustion, he let Luo Binghe disrobe him and slide on his inner sleeping robe, then practically collapsed on the bed.
“Shizun…” Luo Binghe sighed happily and laid down beside him.
Sleep took Shen Qingqiu quickly, but it was a slow fade into a dream, one he hadn’t had in a long long time.
A square room with a twin bed, a bookshelf of light novels and printed webcomics, and a computer with unnatural, too bright light as the only source of light in the room. There was no door. There was no window. He was there, his robes too long on his short body. They pooled on the floor and tripped up his feet as he tried to take a step. It didn’t help that he couldn’t see clearly. The bedframe and desk were only blurry outlines. He knew this room. He knew where he kept his glasses and grabbed them without thinking. The room came into bleary focus, still muddled by the dream.
He had spent enough time in the dream realm to be lucid whenever he was having a nightmare. But he couldn’t feel any spiritual energy in his body. His head spun as the walls closed in. The small room that was once his whole life got even smaller. The electric blue light of the monitor grew brighter, demanding his attention. The characters on the screen weren’t legible but the website he recognized. Proud Immortal Demon Way was open.
He took a step back in horror only for his feet to slide out from under him. He fell backwards and hit his head on the bed. His hand flew up to soothe the back of his head only to recoil back when he felt his hair too short. The panic he’d been ignoring fully set in and the walls closed in faster.
He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t scream. He could barely think.
“Shizun!”
A small voice poked into the wrap of the panic. Binghe.
“Shizun!!”
“Binghe” He managed to whisper his name. No wait, he can't see me like this. The room shuddered. “Binghe no you can’t come in here!” Binghe please save me.
The sound of a loud crack pulled Shen Qingqiu’s head out of his hands. The warm soft light of dawn greeted him as he sat in the familiar grass outside his house. Luo Binghe was there a comfortable distance away with a hand outstretched.
“Is Shizun alright? This disciple sensed you were having a nightmare, but I- I couldn’t break through right away. I finally managed to pull you into my dream realm.”
Shen Qingqiu’s heart finally stopped racing. He was in Binghe’s dream realm. The place where Luo Binghe was the most powerful. He was safe. Though his heart and racing mind hadn’t quite caught up. Shen Qingqiu took Luo Binghe’s hand and let the man pull him to his feet. His long hair flowed down his back in perfect waves that betrayed his frazzled state. He looked at Luo Binghe’s face covered in worry. He didn’t have his fan in the dream, but wanted nothing more than to avert his gaze from those teary eyes. He wasn’t in a state to placate him right now.
“This master is okay. Thank you Binghe. Please wake us up now.”
“Yes Shizun.”
Luo Binghe took a step back, closed his eyes, and began to tear down the dream. Shen Qingqiu wanted to close the distance he had put between them. He wanted those arms to hold him. He wanted to bury his head into the other’s chest and let his soft hair curl around him. He made a move forward- and opened his eyes to a dark room.
A comforting arm lay across Shen Qingqiu’s waist. In the privacy of their bedroom, that was fine and right now, it was more than welcome. He sat up slowly and felt Luo Binghe do the same.
“What did you see?” Shen Qingqiu couldn’t look at him until that question was answered.
“This one did not see much of anything. Once I realized I couldn’t get in, it was all I could do to forcefully pull you out of it. I did not sense any outside influence either.”
If even Luo Binghe couldn’t get in then…” System” He prodded at it with his mind. “What’s with the sudden punishment?! What was that dream?”
[No record of punishment since activation of self-saving protocol]
It wasn’t a punishment and not the work of some demon? Then it had just been a normal nightmare? He hadn’t had one of those since the endless abyss. In fact, ever since the plot ended, he hadn’t dreamed much at all.
“Shizun?”
Shen Qingqiu finally turned to face Luo Binghe and put on the best smile he could. “Thank you Binghe, I’m alright now.”
That worried expression didn’t leave Luo Binghe’s face. “Forgive my rudeness, but Shizun does not look alright in the slightest.”
Ah. That was quite blunt for him. “Perhaps I just need to go rinse my face.” He made a move to stand up but noticed Luo Binghe visibly tense up and paused.
Luo Binghe looked down and pulled anxiously at the edges of his sleeves. “I’m so sorry Shizun. I know I have a tendency to cause those around me to have unpleasant dreams. I thought I had a handle on it now, but I see I have to work harder-”
“No no no,” Shen Qingqiu covered Luo Binghe’s hands with his and looked right into his eyes. He thought the nightmare was his doing? No Shen Qingqiu knew what those dreams felt like when Luo Binghe’s qi was out of whack. This was his own mind being cruel. “It’s not your fault Binghe. You even pulled me out of it.”
“Shizun always takes care of me, and listens to me. Please, let me do the same for you.”
Luo Binghe wasn’t a selfish character. Besides his thirst for vengeance, he was a brave and charismatic hero. His natural protagonist charm attracted a giant harem which might make him look conceited to the average reader, but anyone who actually gave a shit about him could tell he wasn’t truly happy. He loved each of his wives, listened to their woes, and went on adventures for them. How much did he remember about each one and see them as individuals after their arc was over? Airplane never really specified.
But the Luo Binghe here with him now was kind. It had taken Shen Qingqiu far too long to realize that.
He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It wasn’t a very long dream. I was trapped somewhere I haven’t been in a very long time. I was a…weaker version of myself back then. It frightened me a bit. That’s all.” There wasn’t much more he could really say.
“If Shizun says he’s okay, I will believe him and work to make sure all of his dreams are pleasant from here on out.” He raised their joined hand up and placed a kiss on the back of Shen Qinqiu’s hand. “Thank you for confiding in me, husband.” Then all of the sudden, Luo Binghe pushed up on his knees and wrapped his arms around Shen Qingqiu. One hand soothed circles on his back and the other held his head in a secure embrace.
This was…supposed to be the other way around! It was Shen Qingqiu who always comforted Luo Binghe. He never imagined it could ever be the other way around. But, in that embrace the rest of the tension in Shen Qingqiu’s body melted and he reciprocated the hug, gripping tightly to the back of Binghe’s robe. He sensed it coming but couldn’t stop the sob from leaving his throat.
It should have been embarrassing, the immortal peak lord and master, crying into the hold of his, technically younger than him, disciple. But, Binghe was not just his disciple. Luo Binghe was his husband, and marriage was a two way street. He let himself cry out in a way he hadn’t done since he came to this world.
“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here, Shizun,” Luo Binghe said softly. At another point in time those same words frightened him to no end. Now, it was exactly the comfort Shen Qingqiu needed. The affection he wanted.
~~~
The two walked side by side through a town they were passing through in an investigation into some walking corpses. In places where Luo Binghe didn’t feel the need to stake his claim on Shen Qingqiu, he respected his husband’s boundaries.
But Shen Qingqiu couldn’t stop looking down at Luo Binghe’s hand as it swung slightly while they walked through the crowd. He reached down with his right arm, grabbed his fan, and in one motion, flicked it open and took Luo Binghe’s hand with his left. It didn’t affect their pace, but Luo Binghe did turn his head and gave the happiest smile that reached all the way up to his eyes.
Shen Qingqiu snapped the fan back together and gave him a tap on the head with it. “Stay focused” he chastised.
“Yes, Shizun.” He gave the hand he held a light squeeze and the two continued on through the town. Shen Qingqiu couldn't tell him everything, and that was okay. This was all he needed.