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On those weeks when it was Minho’s turn to buy groceries for their apartment, Jinki always spent time deciphering clues. It wasn’t as if Minho didn’t try to get things right. Bless him, he did. However, given the weird assortment and random items he always brought home, Minho’s purchases hardly came together into anything resembling dinner. Jinki often suspected Minho got distracted by whatever was shiniest and took off after it like a squirrel chasing down its food.
Like any good roommate, Jinki had learned to adapt to Minho’s quirks and charms. That was why on his own weeks he bought their essentials, so the odd variety of food Minho bought could still be salvaged. Turned into an edible meal so they didn’t starve. It was their standard routine. Odd maybe, but worked in harmony somehow. Minho probably never noticed Jinki’s perplexing expressions over the food anyway.
Today was another day on a growing list to be deciphered. It was springtime, and Minho rushed into the kitchen, home from the market. Immediately, he presented Jinki with a container of the reddest, most perfect, ripened strawberries Jinki thought he’d ever seen. They almost didn’t look real, tucked away in their cushioned wrappings.
“Hyung, they are for you.” Minho had on an unexpectedly shy smile, dipping his head down. “I know I was supposed to get the crab and spring onion. The things on your list. But I saw these and…don’t you like them?”
Jinki had been anticipating the crab and bought several the week prior, so this change in plans wasn’t a huge deal. They would still eat. The only thing in these bags—he slowly realized—was an abundance of strawberries and sugar and creamy milk. Of course, Minho shopped like a kid with their parent’s credit card, and Jinki would just make glasses of strawberry milk for dessert then. They could drink them together on the couch. He’d chuckle under his breath over Minho’s complaints at the TV during the Arsenal game that afternoon. It sounded like a lovely spring day.
“I don’t think we can live on just this, Minho,” Jinki said fondly.
“Okay, but—” Minho juggled the container in his hands to slip his jacket off and place it on the kitchen counter. He plucked a strawberry out of the nest by its long stem and held the berry up to Jinki’s mouth. “The staff at the store said you wouldn’t believe how good they taste. They are a premium variety. Here. Try one.”
This was the other part. Minho could not enter the store without being talked into something. Nearly always came home with trendy food for Jinki to test out. Last week, it was matcha cream croissants. The week before pizza onigiri and fried fishcakes. Jinki usually was stuffed full once it was all said and done.
Well, it was fruit this time. A healthier choice. Not that this mattered. Minho always insisted on doing what he was doing right now, either way. Feeding the exciting foods to Jinki himself, just to make sure the treats he fetched were actually consumed. Otherwise, he said Jinki would be too thoughtful and let him eat them all.
Jinki eyed the berry clutched between Minho’s thumb and index fingers. Strawberry season was one of the best times of year, no doubt. In these springtime indulgences Minho could hardly be blamed for being enticed.
“They do look delicious,” Jinki agreed, unavoidably licking at his bottom lip with his tongue.
“Very,” Minho said in a deep voice.
He mostly ignored the way Minho pressed deeper into the tiny space they shared against the counter. His body was warm, but maybe a smidge too close for it to be accidental. More and more, Minho was also a concern Jinki needed to decipher. Minho and him. Their relationship. It was changing. Jinki didn’t know what to always do about these little accidents, and there wasn’t a good way to shove Minho away. Now or ever.
Besides, Jinki wanted the strawberry. His mouth watered for it. Even though to want it felt wild. Spring was like that. It was the wild chives sprouting across the countryside and diffusing their pungent but enticing aroma across the air. It felt so wild he just had to go for it or would chicken out.
He leaned forward to take a bite of the fruit Minho had brought for him. By the time he was done chewing, Minho held out the next one. Then another. Jinki didn’t think strawberries had ever tasted so good. Each one sweet, juicy, perfect.
Minho kept asking how they were with every bite, even though his gaze was fixed on Jinki’s mouth, even though Jinki was barely controlling the tiny gasps as he swallowed. They were obviously delicious, but Minho asked anyway in a breathless tone. Sometimes Minho sounded this way, when they were too close together for it to be chance. Jinki would decipher these moments late at night in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering.
“These might be my favorite,” Jinki told Minho, who looked immediately thrilled by the confession. “You always know just what I will like.”
Minho glanced at the container in his hands. Every now and again he had such a softness. An innocence. Jinki always liked when Minho revealed his truest self. He stopped being the public persona inside these walls of the apartment they shared. Instead, he was the person Jinki saw every day. Pouty in the mornings. Disastrous in the kitchen. Kind and thoughtful. Excited just to make Jinki happy. These moments made Jinki feel like their accidents were not accidents at all, but chances.
“Not always. Hyung, I don’t know everything you will like. I wish I did,” Minho said quietly.
A single strawberry remained in the container, and Jinki stopped Minho from taking it. Jinki’s face was still flushed, hot from having Minho so near, feeding him such delicious things. Maybe these spring treats had been too sweet for him, putting wild ideas inside of his mind. Or maybe, he was finished deciphering and needed to take a chance soon. Spring never lasted forever, huh?
Maybe in these next few seconds, Jinki could take care of Minho too. Talk him into something. It was an easy thing to do.
“You must try it, or I’ll feel too guilty.” Jinki put the tip of the last strawberry to Minho’s lips. Minho peered back at him, lashes fluttering. Staring, perhaps deciphering his chances too.
Eventually, Minho opened his mouth. Jinki moved the fruit further inside, and Minho quite obediently bit down. He was braver than Jinki was, which was to be expected. Allowing his lips to fall closed around the berry, sucking lightly at Jinki’s fingertips as he pulled away. Fast enough to be an accident, but if Jinki deciphered it again—from a better angle—it was another chance.
“Good?” Jinki asked, trying to be as brave.
“It’s the best,” Minho said, placing a hand onto Jinki’s shoulder and rubbing there soothingly. “But I think you’re wrong and I’ll definitely be able to live on strawberries like these forever. They are just what I like. So sweet.”
The container was empty, but there remained an overflowing bounty. Minho had bought so much fruit for them to enjoy. He hadn’t bought anything on the actual shopping list, but this didn’t matter. All that mattered was their chance, how it continued to spiral out longer and longer. Jinki stood there caught up in the feeling. It was funny how important moments in your life could happen on random spring days, on random afternoons.
His heart had never beat so fast while Minho watched him with intent. Spring had definitely arrived today, a time of renewal but also beginnings.
This was how their chance turned into Minho blinking and taking in a sharp breath, obviously deciphering the moment Jinki placed his hand against Minho’s cheek. Jinki smiled softly.
You always know just what I will like.
He very much liked it when Minho took their chance into his own hands and darted forward, awkwardly but sweetly, to press a short kiss to Jinki’s mouth. Minho tasted divine like springtime and strawberries. His lips were softer than Jinki had really considered they would be. Gentle. Opposite from the way Minho was squeezing Jinki’s arm beneath his palm, as though he assumed Jinki might run.
They parted, and Minho appeared overwhelmed in a way Jinki didn’t think he’d ever seen him. To Jinki, it felt like finally. This had been hanging in the air for awhile now, and Jinki unexpectedly was calm. Brave.
He’d experienced a first kiss that tasted like his last. Springtime could easily sweep you away into the wind so he wanted to be realistic here, but who else was he ever going to want to kiss?
Instead of a proceeding discussion, however, Minho steered himself out of the kitchen without a word, down the hall towards his bedroom. Jinki accepted Minho bailing out. Just quietly put the rest of the groceries away. All their leftover strawberries. Found the actual ingredients he’d need to cook dinner.
As he did, Jinki continued to wonder about his chances.
***
Minho didn’t stay gone for too long. An hour or two. But long enough for Jinki to worry that the chance had been too wild for Minho in the end. You could change your mind about chances. For sure you could. Jinki hadn’t though. He only grew more certain with each passing second.
Dinner was steaming hot as Minho tip-toed up like nothing had happened. They kept the dining table cluttered, never clearing things away completely. Kept their snack foods and ramyeon bowls piled on the side of the table pushed against the wall. Store receipts and manga and Minho’s sports bottles. Their days together were always centered right here so there was barely room for the spicy crab soup Jinki had prepared to be squeezed in between everything else. Banchan too. And a dish piled high with decadent strawberries.
“It smells delicious,” Minho said, as he nearly always did, pulling out the same chair he always took. He served the soup to Jinki from the pot. Placed the bowl down and gave an apologetic, sheepish smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t help. I’ll clean up.”
Jinki waved the apology off. Picked up a spoon and tasted the broth. It wasn’t half-bad for finding the recipe last-minute off the internet. He’d have to remember it, especially after noticing Minho wolf down the portion he served himself. Jinki liked to see Minho enjoying his food so enthusiastically.
Even though Minho hadn’t said anything, Jinki realized after a few minutes into dinner that he couldn’t allow the chance to pass. Not now. The seasons had turned. Springtime—the fresh air and blossoms—called for explorers. Perfect days to discover exciting adventures. He was ready to see what was out there.
“Minho…about earlier. Are you okay?” Jinki asked, brow creasing with concern because Minho didn’t appear okay at all. Jinki was older, not by much, but enough to feel responsible. Minho wouldn’t want to disappoint him, and Jinki considered this, how Minho might do what he thought Jinki wanted out of some morbid obligation. He hoped Minho knew he wouldn’t ever like that. “You weren’t too upset, were you?”
Instantly, Minho looked pained, a smidge hurt that Jinki wanted to discuss it. “Hyung,” he said, but that was all that came out at first. “Hyung…” he repeated.
Certainly it wasn’t like Minho to have nothing to say. Jinki liked how Minho was usually. So talkative. He could always listen and never feel too awkward that Minho needed to fill all their gaps.
Maybe Minho didn’t know how to fill this one though. It was the perfect moment for Jinki to be the one to decipher the clues. He needed to be the one to do it for Minho, or the chance would float by them like those cottony clouds in the sky.
“We kissed each other,” Jinki said, and Minho glanced up for a split-second, only to look off nervously again. Oh. “Did you not like it? It’s okay. We won’t have to again.”
His heart shattered some inside his chest, but he forced a toothy smile even though Minho was avoiding his eyes. Maybe this was how spring turned out; they’d probably be fine again by summer. A chance was simply a chance, not a guarantee, and Jinki would accept that to keep Minho in his life and be able to take care of him still.
“It was nice just once, so I could finally know what it was like. Don’t worry too much and things will be fine, Minho-ah,” he assured him.
He spooned whipped cream into a small glass cup and dropped a strawberry on top. Slid it Minho’s way like a mother offering dessert to their sad child. Minho stared at the food then at Jinki, who was trying to grin and bear his way through this accident.
“Lee Jinki,” Minho said. He reached across the table to interlace their hands. His touch was shockingly electric against Jinki’s skin. Maybe it’d take longer than summer. Maybe by fall Jinki would be over this. For sure winter.
“Hyung, tell me straight away what you mean by finally. Are you saying—” He shook his head in something close to disbelief. “I thought I was going to have to move. I kissed you. I can’t believe I actually did that.”
Oh.
“I thought you would be freaked out. You never said anything so I didn’t know.”
“You never have either,” Jinki explained, suddenly wondering if spring still had a chance to bloom. This chance was clearly his to squander, and he wasn’t about to do that. Instead, he rose to his feet, coming up to Minho, who seemed overwhelmed but in a different way this time. He didn’t want Minho to decipher everything wrong again.
“What I meant is finally I kissed you. I wanted to do it for so long but was never sure enough. Or brave enough maybe. I didn’t know if it’d be something you’d like.”
“Oh,” Minho said. Shook his head again. “No. I liked it. Hyung, I liked it very much. So…I shouldn’t move out? I do like being here with you.”
Jinki chuckled, giving Minho a fond pat on the forehead. His heart was stitching itself back together, rapidly beating again. “Not unless you want to move out,” he said, but also reached to pull Minho out of the chair. “But if you stay, maybe we can—”
Minho jumped at the chance. He drew Jinki into a kiss, one they were both ready for this time. Their mouths slotted together perfectly as they kissed until the seconds became meaningless, until Jinki was left breathless. Overwhelmed. He didn’t need to decipher his current situation for long. Minho was going to make him feel things he hadn’t before, he thought as they broke away.
Eventually Minho opened his eyes slowly then grinned. Their chances had become certainties, and Minho looked happy about it, which made Jinki happy too. He dropped his gaze low, down to Jinki’s still buzzing lips.
“Now that I know what it’s like to kiss you, maybe I can have a few more. Hyung tastes so sweet,” he murmured, and soon they were kissing again without any signs of stopping.
The moment was undoing Jinki, little by little. He raked his fingers up through Minho’s hair, tugging him down closer, cradling the crown of his head for a few seconds. Couldn’t keep himself from pressing his tongue inside Minho’s mouth, tasting every new inch he could find. Minho opened wider, and Jinki dove straight for him. Things went hazy.
Wild.
It definitely wasn’t an accident how Minho clutched both hands on Jinki’s hips and propped him against the dining table. The wooden legs made a loud screech as they scraped the linoleum from under the weight and momentum.
Jinki had accidentally prepared for something else. What he’d deciphered during all those late nights in bed was a slow and easy chance with Minho. Slow and easy like their days together. Even after how long he debated—wondered—whether Minho might like him back, it never crossed his mind how Minho might want him too. Springtime was certainly a season filled with new colors.
They had finally stopped kissing, and Jinki was breathing harshly, his chest rising and falling as he met Minho’s heated gaze. Eyes darting back and forth trying to work out how their chances were changing so quickly. One minute you looked up and then the trees had sprouted leaves again. One second you were eating dinner and then Choi Minho was fumbling with the buckle of your jeans, looking like he might devour you whole.
Are you certain, he wanted to ask Minho. This is what you like? However, it tickled where Minho kissed into the crook of his neck a few times and sizzled where Minho’s fingers trailed along the smooth skin of his stomach beneath his shirt.
Jinki needed to ask but didn’t trust himself. Didn’t really want to take the chance that Minho might stop these explorations if he gave off the wrong impression. However, he still said, “Not unless you don’t want to Minho-ah.”
“I want you—” Minho was whispering as he sank down onto his knees. He finished unzipping Jinki’s pants, peering back at him with soft wide eyes. His breath already ragged. “I just want to know what hyung likes.”
There simply wasn’t a good way to stop this. Now or ever.
Besides, Jinki wanted Minho too, wanted him badly. Longed to touch all over his perfect body, the way you longed for spring in the dreariness of winter. He swallowed, keeping his eyes glued to where Minho sat hunched waiting for an answer.
Slowly, Jinki leaned back onto his palms behind him, straightening both elbows, allowing Minho to come in closer between his legs. Minho’s hands were hot, touching everywhere, slipping fingers inside Jinki’s boxers. Exposing his intentions quite clearly. He was bowled over by the feeling of being with Minho in this way. Bowled over even more when he saw Minho lick his lips right before he put his mouth on him.
There was a loud clatter when the strawberries hit the ground, where Jinki had lost control of himself, hand jutting out to accidentally knock the dish from the table. The red berries bouncing and tumbling across the kitchen floor was the last thing Jinki saw before his head rolled back in pleasure, and he shut his eyes and gave Minho the chance to take him apart.
It was sweet. Like springtime had really come.
Afterwards, Jinki worked hard to catch his breath. He’d been left shaky, sweaty, barely able to move. He looked at Minho, who had propped the point of his chin on Jinki’s abdomen. His lips were so red, still wet. Enticing. Jinki hadn’t ever considered where they might do something like this for the first time, but where they ate wasn’t exactly the prime locale. He’d probably never look at this table the same way again.
Nevertheless, today was already everything Jinki liked. Because the person he wanted by his side was Minho as they went on these spring adventures together.
“Hyung made such a mess. I liked it,” Minho said, smirking. Jinki didn’t know whether he meant the strawberries or something else altogether. But he laughed anyway.
Minho stood to his feet and peppered a few more kisses against Jinki’s mouth. “How can it be like this? Sweet. You taste so sweet!”
Jinki eventually had to take Minho’s cheeks between his hands, holding him still. Minho grinned back, letting his arms come around Jinki’s waist loosely. It was nice just to make Minho happy, but he could be braver than that now.
“If you want to know what hyung likes, I can tell you. Minho-ah, I like you. I have for a long time. I really like how you made me feel just now, and I’ll do my best to make you feel good too,” Jinki promised. Because he finally had the clues all figured out.
Minho only smiled wider, shaking his head, then sighed softly. “So sweet,” he said.
Oh, it was going to be a good spring.