Fruit of Alternate Universes

by AkumaKami64

Summary:

A collection of oneshots based on various story ideas and alternate universes for the world of Hazbin Hotel, and the big and small impacts of those changes. Most involving Adam in some way or form. Includes Eve being very late making it to Heaven, Charlie and Vaggie time traveling, Adam telling Death to fuck off, and Adam taking Alastor's job.

Chapter 1: Eve of Heaven

Eve of Heaven aka What if Eve came to Heaven, but a little later than she should have?

How long had it been?

Breath came hard to her now, slow and desperate.

How long had it been, since Eden?

Her hair had thinned and greyed, her once vibrant eyes dulled by the years.

How long had it been, since she became old?

Yet still, as she made the short climb up to the cliff above the cave, she smiled upon all that had been wrought.

It had once been a desolate and hard land, barren earth before a treacherous forest. Their cave had been the only sanctuary in this place, and even it was not always safe. They had both been so young, knowing so much and understanding so little. They had not been ready for this world, and the fault weighed heavy on her heart.

Yet the sight now lifted the weight, if only in part.

Vast fields of grain and crops had been sown, like fields of sunlight. Wells had been dug, water mercifully coming from within the earth, their pure depth dotting the landscape beautifully. The forest had been pushed back, cut down and fashioned to their benefit; Tools, huts, and more. Caves were a place of gathering now, a place of the whole family. Many huts were made now, most near the cave, others more distant by their own choosing of privacy. The laughter and call of children could be heard, in delight of some simple and pure joy or another. She saw some of her grandchildren in a distant pasture, tending to a large flock of sheep and goats.

Nine hundred and seventy years since Eden.

A couple hundred years since she noticed her body growing weaker.

Forty years since The First had left this world.

She finally turned away from the sight, turning her eyes onto something much more somber and sadder.

Near the cliff was a mound of stones, At the four corners was a stake fashioned from stone, flowers and herbs hung from them.

At the back was a large rock with a flat side. On it had been carved the likeness of a spear and of a bow. Not a bow of hunting, but a bow of music. She could never remember what it had been called, even now.

And in the First Tongue, the Words of Eden, the name had been sketched.

Adam.

Adam The Father

Adam The Husband.

Adam the First Man.

Adam, her lover, her teacher, her protector, her treasure, her delight, and so much more.

She almost smiled as she felt the tears in her eyes. Every time she thought the tears were done, she found more to give.

She didn't know how long she stood there. She was blissfully unaware of the soreness in her legs, at peace to just stand there and imagine he was still right next to her.

A bird flew just over her head with a loud cry, starting her as she turned with a surprise.

She almost forgot who she was looking at. So much like Adam it almost hurt.

"Mother?"

But she found some joy in seeing his likeness in this child of hers. "Hello, Seth," she greeted, her voice no longer as smooth as it had once been.

Seth smiled. He himself was starting to grow old, brown hair no longer as rich and lively as it had been. His clothes were fashioned from a bear's pelt, and the bird rested on his shoulder.

"Is he new?" Eve asked curiously.

Seth nodded, rubbing the head of the falcon affectionately. "You came to see Father?" he asked softly,

Even nodded. "I feel I will be leaving this world soon, Seth," she said softly, both a warning and an apology.

Seth's smile took on a sorrowful tone now. But he did not reel against the notion. "I came to tell you I'm going to be a great-grandfather soon. Mya and Jom's first."

Eve chuckled a bit. "My first great-great-grandchild. Oh, Adam, I wish you had invented word," she said, glancing over her shoulder at the grave.

"They...were hoping you could name him when he is born," Seth informed carefully.

Eve didn't say anything. She didn't even look at her son this time, instead looking to the sky. Names. They had come so easy to Adam. "It'll be a boy?" she asked absently.

"My wife, my sisters, and my nieces are all positive," he said with amusement.

Even hummed, feeling the wind in her hair and pretending it was his hand through her hair. "We'll eventually run out of names one day, Seth. There will be another Adam, another Seth, Jax, and Ran."

Seth furrowed his brow. "Are you saying, to name the child after Father?"

"No. I could never say his name and think of anyone else," Eve admitted, looking down. "I don't wish to invite misfortune, but I think it is time we honored Abel. If it is a boy, I ask that he be called Abol."

"Abol, not Abel," Seth said softly. His older brothers had once been an impossible topic to bring up. Now it was simply among the first tragedies for Mankind to endure. "I will tell them, Mother. Would you...like me to leave you alone with him? Or should I stay with you?"

"Alone, for now," Even answered, prompting Seth to nod and turn away. "Son?"

"Yes, Mot-" Seth didn't even have time to turn around as Eve embraced him.

"I'm so proud of you. Your father is proud of you, wherever he is. We have always loved you, and we always will," Eve whispered in his back.

Seth held her hand supportively for a moment. "Thank you, Mother," he said, tears gleaming in his own eyes.

They lingered there for a moment, as mother and son, joined in love and grief, before Eve pulled herself away reluctantly.

She heard Seth's footsteps moving away as she turned back to the Grave of Adam and approached the headstone.

Around the stone bearing his name were things left by their children, and their children's children, and their children. Pelts, wood sculptures, stone carvings, sometimes the burnt remains of a meal. They weren't sure if the dead could receive gifts from the living, but it was still a sentiment they liked to express, to show gratitude and remembrance for the life he had lived.

Death was no stranger to all of them, not anymore. But Adam? Adam was the first to die from the passing of time, the first to reach the natural end of their limited lifespans. Sometimes she wanted to curse the Heavens for not allowing them the Fruit of Life, the one thing that could spare Adam the touch of death. But she didn't, knowing it would only shame his death.

Shame was something that came early to her.

She knelt by the stone and placed a hand upon it. On its backside was the faded image that children had painted on, as if to tell stories to their dead ancestor. The rain washed much away, but it only encouraged them to pain more stories for him to know.

"Hello, Adam. I'm sorry, it's been a while, Love," she said softly. "I'm sure you heard. Seth will be a great-grandfather soon. Our first great-great grandchild."

She let the silence reach out now, almost as if he might answer back.

"Getting old was such a strange concept. I thought for the longest time that we might live on forever, watching as our descendants came to outnumber the stars themselves," Eve said with amusement, pausing to take a breath.

The sun bore down on her gently, just like his eyes use to. His golden eyes, the one thing no children of theirs ever had. Blue, green, brown, and more. But never those bright eyes again. The world felt darker without them in her life, all light dimmer.

"I don't know how long I have, but I think I will leave this world very soon," Eve said with a sad smile. "These forty years have been longer and harder then the hundreds that came before. Without you, I..."

She trailed off, tears in her eyes. Everything felt harsher, sharper now. The cold, the heat, the ache. Everything.

"Adam? My love, do I still have a place with you? When I...when I die? Can I be with you again?" she all but pleaded with the stone. "I know I'm selfish. I did this to us. But if I could, I'd..."

She trailed off, realizing she was no longer alone.

She raised her head, looking up to see a bird now rested upon the grave. An eagle, but one with white feathers, tipped with gold. The head had a spot of brown, as dark as the earth. The bird stared right at her.

With golden eyes.

"...My home was with you, Adam," Eve whispered, tears running like the waters of the rivers. "Can I ever come home, my love?"

The bird cocked its head before suddenly flapping its great wings, flying forward to land on her shoulder.

She stared at it for a long time, too scared to truly hope but still happy for the comfort the company brought. "You always loved it when I sung. You said my songs were always...peaceful."

The bird moved closer to rub her cheeks with its head. It was strange, the talons were sharp and her skin seemed thinner, but she couldn't find any discomfort.

"I sung you a song when...when you finally found your rest," she said, choking on the words. "I can almost remember the words, but I can't bring myself to sing again. So, if I still have a place with you? I'd like to sing it to you again."

She felt her body growing heavy and tired as she slouched against the stone.

"For right now, my love? Please, let me just...rest here a bit."

The bird cooed and stayed with her as she drifted off to sleep.

It started to rain, but Eve did not awake.

She drifted into some place between Eden and Earth, a place before and after Heaven. She slept there for so very, very long. It was almost dreamless, but not quite. Light enough to know she was sleeping, deep enough for time to blur blissfully by. And all she was aware of was this...feeling, that was like bleeding, but good. As if poison and venom drawn from a wound.

What was this poison, she wondered? Was it the Apple? Was it Lilith and Lucifer? Was it something foul in her? Was it the Sin that she had released upon the world?

Oh, how it clung to her, wanted her, needed her. Why, she didn't know. But she didn't want or need it.

And it had hurt everything she loved and desired, brought every misery her bloodline would suffer.

So she let it bleed, wanted it to bleed. To be expelled, thrown out, gone forever.

Perhaps then she could feel like she once did, cleaned and renewed. Before Lucifer, before the Apple, when it was just her and Adam with the angels.

Then, finally, she breathed.

She awoke.

She was renewed.

"Can you hear me? Are you awake?"

She knew that voice, from so long ago it almost felt like the voice had only ever been a dream. But as she opened her eyes, she saw it was no dream. "Sera?"

The Seraphim looked down at her with awe, shock, joy, and so much more. "Eve? Is it...truly you? That is your face, but..."

Eve sat up. She was on...something. It was like a bed, but off the ground and covered in these cloths that were not animal furs. Everything was bright and clean. But her body was like new. Flawless skin, vibrant hair, dressed in a flowing white robe, and...

With surprise, she accidentally unfolded her large wings from her hips. They were blue as the sky, and felt lighter than air on her.

"Where...where am I?" she asked in bewilderment. But not fear or alarm. There was something soft and soothing in her soul, telling her all was well. Everything was fine now.

Sera smiled down at the Frist Woman. "You're in Heaven, Eve."

Heaven. The realm of the Angels. The place they had meant to pass to one day, but the path to Heaven had been marred by her sin. "You mean...you mean that I...?"

"You were redeemed, Eve, by the good life you lived after the Fall," Sera said before a touch of something sad came to her features. "But I fear your mistake had one final cost for you."

"What do you mean? Tell me, where is Adam? And Abel? And the others?" Eve asked in concern.

Sera reached down to touch her hand. "Eve? I need you to listen carefully. When you died, you were set free of Sin. But sin held you as hard as it could. It could not keep your virtuous soul. We thought it had, in truth, but the truth is obvious now. It took...a long time for your soul to be cleansed, for you to reach heaven."

"What do you mean? I don't understand," Eve inquired with growing worry.

"Eve? I'm sure it feels like you died recently. But you have been missing for a very...very long time," Sera informed softly.

Eve stared at her. "How long? How long have I been...dead, but not here?"

Sera's hand squeezed gently. "Nine thousand years."

Eve stared. She stared because she could not ever wrap her head around that. Nine thousand. She had been nearly one thousand. Her lifespan had passed over eight more time since she died.

"And...and Adam? Where is he?" Eve asked quickly.

"Rest assured, Adam is in Heaven. The First Man was the first to be honored in heaven," Sera assured softly. "But we have not told him yet of your salvation. Eve, it...it has been so long since you two last seen one another. I had to be sure you were..."

Eve nodded numbly. She would have loved to have been welcomed by Adam himself, but this...this was so surreal. "He...I can't imagine what he must have thought. He must have thought I didn't...that I failed to redeem myself."

Sera stood there as a being of comfort and support.

"May I see him?" Eve asked, begged almost.

"Soon, Eve. But I warn you, in many ways, he has...changed much since you last knew him," Sera informed, something apologetic in her tone.

"I can only hope he still remembers me with love in his heart," Eve said before frowning. "My children? They're all dead as well."

It wasn't a question, but Sera still nodded. "There are...many things that have happened, Eve."

Even the peace of Heave could not quell the concern growing in Eve's heart.

"I understand. And...please, even if he hates me, I need to see him. I need to know he's here and...and..."

Sera wrapped her wings around Eve in comfort. "Very well, Eve. If that is your wish, I will grant it."

With a flash of light, they were somewhere else.

What Eve saw, she wasn't sure she had the word for. It was like the village her family had built, but grander and more. Buildings that towered and were made of something better than stone and mud. Everything was colorful and shined yet it never hurt the eyes.

It was like being in Eden in some ways, where everything felt more real.

She saw thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of people walking about. Many looked almost human, but most had something off about them. A strange tone of skin or hair, much like how Sera was grey. Some looked completely animal or unreal to her, but all seemed peaceful and harmless.

"These are...?"

"The souls of heaven. Angels born to it, and those humans that earned their salvation," Sera informed gently.

Eve nodded numbly, overwhelmed as they walked. These were her descendants, many of them. She was thrilled yet still reeling. But she noticed something important. "Why do some look at me funny?"

"Only humans born in the Old World retain entirely human appearances," Sera answered. "It has been sometimes since any saw someone like you and didn't recognize her."

Eve hummed, supposing that made sense. Granted, she didn't know what Sera meant by the Old World. Did she mean Eden? But that would be just her and Adam, right? Maybe they remade Earth?

And why was everyone so short? She thought they might be children at first, but the more she looked, the more she realized that there were just many adults who were short to her.

Still, no one gave them pause or interrupted them as they walked. Sera led her away from the hustle and bustle of the City of Heaven, taking her somewhere among the clouds. Clouds they could walk on no less.

Then again, Eve remembered that she had wings now too. She wondered how hard they would be to use.

They reached a gate among the clouds, guarded by two angels. They were very intimidating, wearing dark outfits with black halos. They wore masks that gave them horns and looked like an eye was crossed out.

"Your Grace," they greeted respectfully, looking to Eve curiously.

"Someone wishes to speak to Adam. Allow us in, please."

They shared confused looks, but opened the gate regardless for the Seraphim. They entered, seeing many more of the same kind of angels flying and training in combat.

"Hymn, get your tight ass moving!"

Eve froze at his voice.

"Lute, where the fuck did you find these tit-brains?!"

Sera watched the frozen Eve carefully.

"Cynthia, I am renaming you Cunthia if you don't learn how to fucking throw a spear right!"

Eve didn't recognize him, but how could she? Wrapped in that large robe, and his very skin covered in something black? He was donned with a strange mask that covered everything, ends resembling horns dangling back, while lights danced across the mask to imitate a mouth and eyes.

"Okay, Thorns? Good effort, but try to tone done the laser beams! Yeah, I know they're cool as shit, but you're not me! You can't spam them without getting exhausted, I can!"

Sera was about to speak when Eve slowly began to approach from behind.

Adam stood there, watching the exorcists and blissfully unaware at who was drawing near. As he rambled off criticism to the Exorcists, she only had eyes for him.

Suddenly, Adam grew quiet. He raised his head with a thoughtful look as he began to smell the air.

Eve opened her mouth, closed it, and smiled. "May you bring love and may you bring happiness~" she whispered in song. Adam stiffened but did not turn around, and all the training ground grew still and silent at Eve's voice, watching the meeting with confusion. "Be loved in return to the end of your days. Now fall off to sleep, I'm not.....I'm not meaning to keep you. I'll just sit for a while and sing."

Adam slowly turned, and the heavens might as well as shook with every step he took. He gazed at Eve with an expression that was...impossible to read.

Eve let out a smile of sorrow, love, and many more things. "I'm...sorry. I heard it took me a long time to get here. I...I know it might sound strange, but it still feels like I just died and-"

Adam reached up, hand trembling as he all but ripped the helmet off.

For the first time since she parted with him, Eve felt like she had finally seen the sun rise again.

It was still him. The face was shaven and the hair shorter, but it was definitely still Adam. And his golden eyes were still as wonderous as the day they met in Eden.

"Adam?" Eve whispered, her wings flittering softly. "Can...can I come home?"

"..." Adam reached out and placed his hands on her sides, just above the wings.

"Adam?" she asked again. "My love, please? Is...is something wrong?"

His hands began to tremble.

"If...if you hate me, please speak. I won't trouble your shadow again," Eve requested in resignation. "I just wanted to see you again. To now you were here, even if I can't be with you."

Adam's hands stilled.

"I've seen that face many times now, and heard the voice," he spoke with a heavy tone, every ounce of his normal persona melting away. "But no one else smelled more like Eden than you."

His wings embraced hers as he smiled.

Eve inhaled sharply and threw herself into his embrace, which he returned gladly. 

Sera smiled at the scene, and could see the Exorcists were watching on, happy for their leader and his surprise reunion. She turned her attention to Lute, who made her way over discretely. "Your Grace?" Lute started in a low tone. "I believe we should inform Hell that tomorrow's Extermination Day will be canceled for this year."

"I believe that wise as well, Lute," Sera agreed softly.

Every day was a Happy Day in Heaven. But this was a joyous moment that few could compare with.

Adam and Eve, the First Man and the First Woman, reunited at last after all these years.

She could only imagine the sadness Eve would endure, learning of all that had transpired. But if nothing else, this was a moment no one, not even the Devil himself, could ruin for the pair.

And if Lucifer or Lilith tried, she'd personally kick them back down to Hell this time.

Notes:

So, yeah, I know all the many theories about where Eve may or may not be. But I decided to go with a heartwarming idea that she was NOT in Hell, but just took a long time to get to Heaven after dying. And yeah, this is a happy reunion.

Left this very vague about when this happens- it's near canon's start, but this might be even before Vaggie got kicked out or before Lilith left Hell. Regardless, the ripples effect of Adam getting his wife back would be profound. But also heartbreaking, because she's goingto have to learn about EVERYTHING that happened on Earth. And the Exterminations, of course.

I also love the idea that Adam recognizes Eve by her scent. Because he's probably seen a thousand women by now that have some resemblance to her. But the smell of Eden on her is unmistakable.

Chapter 2: Charlie's Soulmate

Charlie's Soul Mate  AKA Karma finally caught up to Lucifer and Lilith in an interesting way.

As Charlie walked through Heaven's Embassy, which was kind of creepy, she idly touched her Soulmark.

The one thing that transcended Heaven and Hell was the Soulmarks. Not everyone had them, marks on their wrists that showed proof they had a soul mate, somewhere out there. But if the mark vanished, that meant their soulmate was gone, likely purged in the exterminations, or their soul destroyed by an overlord, or something similarly awful and final.

Charlie had thought for sure that Vaggie might be her soul mate. They both had marks, but they never reacted. She wondered just who they could be, or where they could be.

She pushed that out of her mind as she entered a surprisingly dark meeting room. "Uhhh, hello? Is anyone here?" she called out in worry. Had she got the date or time wrong? Did they reschedule and her father not passed that along? Was she in the wrong meeting room, maybe?

"Sup!" a voice called as the lights suddenly turned on.

"Oh, shit!" Charlie exclaimed as she fell over in surprise. She quickly and nervously got up, looking over the table at the angel. Two angels, but only one was sitting and talking, the other was obviously an exorcist. "Hi, I'm Charlie! My dad asked me if I could meet you," she introduced.

"Yeah, I know," the angel answered casually while eating ribs.

Charlie felt increasingly awkward but plowed ahead. "Well, it's nice to meet you," she said as she extended her hand.

The angel grinned as he leaned forward- and Charlie only now realized he was VERY tall as he stretched out a hand. "Totally, nice to meet you too!" he assured.

Charlie walked forward, happy this was starting well, and brought their hands together to shake.

The angel seemed surprised when their hands met. Charlie was more confused by why his hand flashed to a see-through blue. "Is that...normal?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just my fucking astral projection on the fritz," he answered in annoyance.

"Astral projection?" Charlie asked in confusion. "Wait, you're not really here?"

Adam chuckled. "Naw, I normally don't come down to that bleeding asshole, save for E-Day."

Charlie was disappointed but also impressed. "Wait, you can make your projection solid? Even between Heaven and Hell? That's amazing!" she said, legitimately impressed.

"I know, I rock," he agreed proudly before pointing at her. "Also, toots? You bleeding or something?"

Charlie blinked, looking down to see her glowing wrist. She held it up in shock as it glowed like it was burning. And it was. In a very pleasant, pleasing way that was spreading throughout her soul.

"Wait, isn't that...?" the angel realized, the lights of his face taking on a comically wide-eyed look. He suddenly held up his own hands, covered in some kind of black material, and pulled it off to reveal a bare hand with a glowing wrist of his own.

Silence reigned in the meeting room.

"Sir?" the other exorcist in the room asked awkwardly. "Is that-"

"Yeah, yeah it's what it fucking looks like," he said in shock.

"You're...you're my soulmate?" Charlie realized in disbelief.

"Yeah, looks like it," he answered, rubbing his face through his mask as he sat down. "Holy shit, and here I thought this mark was a cosmic joke after my last wife."

Charlie was not too bothered by that. Plenty of souls lost hope in finding their soulmate and just settled down with who they felt best. No, she was still processing something far more important. "My soul mate is an ANGEL!?"

"Holy shit, THAT, yes," Adam agreed. "I mean, I fucking get soulmates between sinners and winners, but me and you? That's a cosmic "what the fuck" moment for all of Creation."

"...My soul mate is the leader of the Exorcists," Charlie finally realized.

"Princess? I legitimately hate to make this weirder for you, but it just dawned on me I never fucking introduced myself," he said, laughing in pure disbelief now.

Charlie opened her mouth and closed it. She just now realized that no, she didn't know the name of the Exorcist Leader. She kind of assumed it would be one of the Archangels. Which might make her soulmate her uncle in a weird way.

The angel cleared his throat, grinned, and then casually stuck his hand out. "Name's Adam, nice to meet you, Babe."

Charlie blinked, twice. "Adam as in...?" she trailed off, getting a long, slow nod. "Oh, FUCK! My Soul Mate is my Mom's Ex!?"

"My soul mate is Lucicunt's daughter, how do you think I feel?" Adam asked with a snort.

"...You're not...disgusted, right?" Charlie asked slowly.

Adam sighed. "Nope. Just really glad you don't look too much like your parents, clown-spots aside."

Charlie decided that was...fair. "So...what now?"

"Well...do you want to fuck?" Adam asked bluntly.

Charlie deadpanned. "Seriously? Just like that?"

Adam shrugged. "Some people react to meeting their soul mates like that."

"Oh. I thought that was just a...bad plot point in pornos," Charlie answered sheepishly. "Should we...fuck then?"

"Naw, not if you don't want to. Certainly would make this less weird though, I think," Adam said with a head shake.

"Can, um," Charlie bit her lip. "Can you come down here? I'd like this conversation to be...personal? Real? In the flesh?"

Adam instantly vanished as a portal opened above the table, the tall- VERY tall, Charlie realized again- angel leaped down onto the table, casually taking a seat on it next to Charlie. "Lute? Head on up, and tell everyone I'll be late."

"Sir," the exorcist saluted, giving Charlie a look of distrust before leaving.

"Well, hehe, this is...sooooo awkward," Charlie said, rubbing her neck. "Don't get me wrong, I was hoping to meet my soul mate since I was little!"

"Really glad we didn't, it would have made this super weird for me," Adam said. "I mean, I got nothing against relationships with large ass age gaps, but it's weird if you knew them as a kid."

"Yeah, in hindsight, I kind of assumed my soulmate would be the same age as me, more or less," Charlie said with a chuckle. "So, there was this...thing I originally wanted to talk about, but I don't think we're talking about anything besides..." she paused to hold up her wrist again.

"Yeah, bit hard to ignore my soul buzzing with happiness like a fucking vibrator," Adam remarked in reassignment.

Charlie traced the soulmark and breathed. She let herself feel it, feel Adam, and hoped he felt her. "Eve wasn't your soulmate?" she asked softly, tenderly, apologetically.

Adam growled, though not at her, while glaring at the ceiling. "No," he admitted bitterly. "I thought she was. I thought she was...just in Hell, somewhere I couldn't find her."

Charlie blinked. "Eve isn't in Heaven?"

Adam glared at her now.

"Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to ask that aloud," she said, looking down at Adam's hand. "I...only know my parent's side of the story. And only until the Fall."

Adam snorted, but it was amused if only bitterly. "I'm sure they left a lot of fucking details out."

"Can you just explain...why my mother thought you were trying to control her?" she asked softly, wanting to know what she was getting into.

"She wanted to be on top."

Charlie's jaw dropped at the blunt answer. "Adam, I'm serious!" she insisted.

"So am I!" he retorted, holding up his wrist for emphasis.

Charlie touched her own wrist, looking between it and Adam repeatedly. "Oh, fuck, you aren't lying."

Adam shrugged. "Look, I'm not some fuck hole that thinks women are property, pets, or bullshit like that. Unless they want to be pets, but that's a kinky ass question between spouses and can go either way," he explained bluntly.

Charlie blushed and tried not to imagine herself on a dog leash. "I-I suppose that's a fair compromise. A-and not one I'm willing to talk about yet, because, well, I,-"

"You're a virgin," Adam guessed.

"No?" Charlie answered, scratching her cheek.

"Ahh, Kink-virgin," Adam concluded.

"Aren't most kinks sinful?" Charlie asked carefully.

"Not at all, 'Princess,'" Adam said with a smirk.

Charlie's spine shivered at whatever inflection he just put on that pet name. "Okay! Can we move off sex now?"

Adam stared at her for a moment.

"What?" Charlie asked insecurely.

"Fucking dammit, you're cute," Adam said with a facepalm.

Charlie blushed harder now. "Stop saying stuff like that when I can't even see your face..."

"Hm? Oh, right, forgot I was still wearing this," Adam said as he took off his helmet.

Charlie watched as he did so with no small amount of curiosity.

She inhaled sharply. He was attractive, sure, but that wasn't her main focus. It was his eyes, as golden as his wings and just like her father had described the sun.

"Yeah, I know, I'm hot," Adam said with a grin. Or he tried to grin but kept melting into a smile.

Charlie felt everything fall into place somehow, strangely content now with the situation. Adam seemed about the same. "My parents are going to freak out so badly."

Adam snickered.

"Please don't make it worse," Charlie pleaded, running a hand through her hair

"I will enjoy it in fucking silence," Adam assured. "So, how do you want to do this shit?"

"Well, soulmates normally date just like any other couple," Charlie said with a small grin. "Not quite sure where we'd do that. Would they even let me in Heaven for a date?

"That might take some fucking convincing. I mean, you're the Princess of Hell, so we could get away with it," Adam mused. "So...what DID you want to talk about?"

"...A hotel to rehabilitate sinners, trying to redeem them to Heaven?" Charlie answered sheepishly.

Adam facepalmed. "Of course, you're a dreamer."

"Runs in the family, I guess," Charlie said sheepishly. "I was hoping that it might be a good alternative to the Exterminations...?"

Adam snorted. "Okay, Princess? The first issue is, you have no proof you can fucking pull this off. Even if you did, you'd have to get it going a LOT to deal with the Overpopulation issue."

"I know, everyone thinks it's a dumb idea that's doomed to fail. Even the people that support me don't think it'll work," Charlie lamented.

Adam took a long, deep breath. "Charlie? I am ten THOUSAND years old. I have not seen one shit-stain crawl their way up to Heaven in all that time. Hell is Forever, and they had their chance. That's what nine-millennia in Heaven has taught me," he informed honestly. "So, why do you think you can change things now?"

Charlie considered it carefully. "Okay, you have every reason to doubt me, soulmates or not. I admit that," Charlie conceded. "You are also the first one to put it like that for me. Most just laugh or sneer at the idea."

"Oh, if we weren't soulmates, I would have sung a whole fucking song about it!" Adam answered with a grin. "But you are my soulmate, so...knock'em dead."

"...What?" Charlie asked in surprise.

"Look, you obviously aren't going to stop trying. Fuck knows you get that from your parents. I'm also not going to stop the exterminations anytime soon. Even if you knew for certain your hotel could work, it is a long ass term solution in the making," Adam explained. "So, yeah, I doubt it'll fucking work, but I'll be damn happy to be surprised. And if this shit explodes in your face? Well, I'll make sure to catch you if you fall."

"...That was almost sweet," Charlie said with wide eyes. "Just watch, I'll redeem souls and put you out of a job!"

"Oh, wow, threatening to rob me of something I have to do once a year," Adam said with a smirk.

"I mean, what else do you do all year?" Charlie asked, naturally interested.

"Cunts first, what do you do all year besides working on this Hotel thing?" Adam countered.

"I, umm, well, it's kind of a full-time thing, trying to make it a reality and all," Charlie answered sheepishly.

"...Princess, when the fuck was the last time you just said "fuck it" to the day and just had fun?" Adam asked flatly.

Charlie's silence was answer enough.

"Great, my soul mate is also a damn workaholic," Adam quibbled.

"I'd rather say I'm passionate," Charlie defended. "Now your turn, Mister Profanity, spill."

"Well..."

Six Hours Later

Lucifer tried not to freak out.

His daughter's friend Baggie(or was Maggie?) had called to tell him that Charlie was MISSING! She had gone to the meeting with the Exorcists over six hours ago and there had been no sign of her! And she wasn't answering her phone.

Now, it's entirely possible the meeting dragged on. It was entirely possible that Charlie was fine and elsewhere. It was still true that Charlie was last seen at the Embassy and had been missing ever since!

Which was why Lucifer was currently in said embassy. Which was always bigger than it needed to be, given the sheer lack of use it got. Still, he'd admit, they kept it looking nice despite the disuse. Heaven was a lot of things, but they didn't half-ass their aesthetics.

Clearing his mind of that, he got to the meeting room and, just to be sure, knocked on the door.

He was surprised but hopeful when he heard footsteps approaching the door.

Those hopes turned sour as he found himself looking up at a shirtless Adam. "Well, there goes basking in the afterglow," Adam muttered. "The hell you want, Lucifuck?"

"Of course, you're having sex in the embassy," Lucifer muttered in exasperation. "I was just looking for my daughter. I thought she just might still be in a meeting with you. I guess you can't tell me where she went?"

"Oh, I can tell you where she went alright," Adam said with a chuckle.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Lucifer asked with narrowed eyes. "Adam, I swear by the very fires of creation, if you forced my daughter into something, I will-"

"Dad?"

Lucifer's eyes snapped to Charlie.

Her hair was disheveled, her suit undone, and she was clearly exhausted. And limping. It was almost worse than if she had just been naked.

Then he realized she was holding Adam's shirt, and it suddenly was worse. "I think you forgot this," she said, holding it up to Adam.

Lucifer's mind suddenly rebooted as he saw the glowing soulmark on Charlie's wrist. And Adam's wrist. Glowing together.

"Adam is CharChar's soulmate...?" Lucifer whispered, somewhere between delirious and denial.

"I think we broke him," Charlie realized with a sigh. "Not how I wanted to break it to him."

"I'm good with this," Adam said as he slung his shirt over his shoulder instead of wearing it.

"How can they be soulmates...?!" Lucifer whispered in bewilderment, lost in his own world. "In what way are they possibly compatible.?"

"I could punch him, see if that snaps him out of it," Adam offered with a smirk.

"Please don't," Charlie said with a sigh. "So, umm, I guess we'll talk later? Or text?"

"Sure. I got to go tell some fuckers upstairs that angels can have hellborn soul mates," Adam informed. "Fuck you later, Princess."

"Promises, Dickmaster!" Charlie shot back as the door closed.

"...The Fuck Did You Just Call Him?!" Lucifer yelled, rushing to the door with horns showing and eyes glowing red. "GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE, ADAM!"

Adam wisely had already left, a portal closing just as Lucifer entered the room.

"Dad," Charlie spoke up calmly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You are not going to start a war just because I slept with my soulmate."

"Anyone else! Literally anyone else, and I'd be thrilled. Even an exorcist or one of my brothers, I think I could wrap my head around. But Adam?! With you!?" Lucifer shivered in dismay. "And you called him..."

"Dickmaster," Charlie answered with a strained chuckle. "It's a bit of a game."

"What GAME has you calling him that?" Lucifer asked in disbelief.

"I want to see if he gets tired of me calling him Dickmaster before I get irked at him calling me Princess," Charlie answered honestly.

"Charlie. It's Adam. He will NEVER get tired of you calling him that," Lucifer informed flatly.

Charlie shrugged. "That's fine. I don't think I'll get tired of him calling me Princess."

Lucifer placed his hand to his face, rubbing his eyes. "I can never call you that again without thinking about this, you know that right?"

"Sorry," Charlie answered in apology. "We, umm, haven't just been doing...that this whole time. We were just talking for a long time."

"Just...promise me you didn't sleep with him to get him to stop the exterminations or something like that?" Lucifer pleaded.

"No, no, he was very clear about how my goals and dreams weren't going to change anything until I had results," Charlie answered.

"...Adam thinks redemption is possible?" Lucifer asked skeptically.

"No, not one bit," Charlie said with a head shake. "But he said he'll be happy if I prove him wrong, so...that's something."

"...I am never calling him Son or anything like that," Lucifer said bluntly.

Charlie patted him on the shoulder. "I think he would punch you if you did," she said before sighing. "Now I just have one more thing to figure out."

"What's that?" Lucifer asked in morbid curiosity.

"Telling my friends that I'm soulmates with the Leader of the Exorcists," Charlie answered with a wince.

Lucifer suddenly stiffened. "I'm...glad in this exact specific moment that your Mother isn't here. Because I have no idea how to explain this next time I see her."

Charlie looked up in exasperation. "Don't remind me. Did...did he and Mom ever...?"

"Charlie, I love you, but we are NOT having this conversation!"

"Right, right, good idea," Charlie said quickly. "Well, look on the bright side, Dad?"

"What bright side?" Lucifer asked skeptically.

"Well, even without the treaty, you'd never have to worry about me on Extermination Day, "Charlie pointed out brightly.

Lucifer's eye twitched. "CharChar, all I am thinking about now is him paying you a visit on E-Day."

Charlie scratched her cheek sheepishly at that valid point. Because Adam absolutely would do that.

Notes:

Okay. Confession. I have never once written any soulmate-type fic where there is an obvious and telling sign of being a soulmate. I've rarely read any either. But it seemed like a useful concept for this oneshot's AU, and is probably the most beleivable way for them to have a relationship that doesn't have a slow build up. Also, yeah, due to the soulmarks, Charlie and Vaggie never dated, but they defintiely had an unspoken "if we don't find soulmates, we're dating" agreement.

But yes, Creation decided that since Lucifer messed with Adam's first marriage and Lilith helped him mess with the second marriage, it was fitting that their daughter be be Adam's soulmate. Charlie being Adam's soulmate autopass her through Adam's normal asshole behavior, straight into getting his afectionate asshole behavior. He still believes it's a shit idea, but he'll help her shovel through it.

Yeah, this would be something awkward for Charlie to explain to everyone. Adam is just going to tell everyone in Heaven to fuck off and deal with it. In fact, that's what he'd do in Hell too if CHarlie called him in to help explain.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this oneshot of the Chadam Soulmates!

Chapter 3: Adam Does A Dante

Adam Does a Dante AKA Adam dies and meets Death himself. This ends badly for one of them.

Adam numbly looked down at the heavenly blade sticking through his chest. He heard Lucifer say something, but he was too busy trying and failing to keep standing.

It had been a long time since his body hurt this much.

He fell to his knees and something fell forward.

It was him, his body. He was looking down at himself.

He could only watch in numb agony as the tiny cyclops on his back started to stab at him madly. "Stab! Stab! Stab!" she cried out maniacally, golden blood splashing as she did.

"NOOOOO!"

He watched as a one-armed Lute rushed to his body, pushing him over.

It was strange. He was watching it unfold here, but he could also see Lute's face right above him as he lay there.

"Sir! Stay with me, Sir!" she pleaded, begging him not to die. He recognized the look in her eye well. He had seen it in countless human souls.

He smiled, tired and weak, grateful that she was there. That she cared. And so sorry this was happening.

"Adam!" she cried out desperately.

His name on her lips echoed in his ears endlessly for a good minute.

His brow furrowed as he heard something.

A whistle.

A slow, ominous tune of someone whistling.

All at once, everything started to...crumble. It was like Hell itself was falling apart to reveal a void, leaving only him on an island in the void.

Him, and the whistler.

From the shadow, a figure walked forward, but Adam couldn't bring himself to stand, to say anything, to even look at the newcomer.

He was so tired, and his limbs so heavy. Even his wings couldn't rise. They were never heavy for him.

"It's been a long time, אדם הראשון,"(Rishon Adam) the figure greeted in amusement.

His name and title both, that was enough to raise Adam's gaze to the figure. Even without seeing him, this person felt uncomfortably familiar to Adam.

It was a wolfman, bone white fur with a mask-like mark of ash grey over blood-red eyes. He wore a simple black clock and held a pair of sickles in his hands.

He didn't seem to be of Hell, but he didn't feel like he was of Heaven.

Something familiar crawled on Adam's back, like a dream half-remembered.

"You don't recognize me, do you?" the wolf asked as he passed around Adam. "But I know you well, ראשון של עדן,(Rishon Shelu Eden) Slayer of your own Children."

Adam narrowed his eyes, something creeping into his mind and soul.

"I have hounded you and your bloodline for all their days. And I have followed in your bloodbath, every year," the wolf taunted with a soft chuckle. "How does it feel to be prey again, הראשון? (Rishon) To be dying in the dirt again, just as you crawled out of it?"

Adam knew who this was. What this was. His fists balled.

"Ahh, I see you remember me," the wolf said with a soft, almost mocking smile.

"מוות.(Mavet) You're Death," Adam spoke, bitterly, venomously.

"Straight. Up," Death answered with a growl, showing his fangs as he crouched down to Adam's eye level. Which wasn't much of a crouch, the first man was very tall after all. "You evaded me for nine-hundred and thirty years the first time. This time? Over nine-thousand? Infuriating. If you had a third chance, how long could you go? A hundred thousand? A million?"

Adam huffed. "Didn't know you were a person. Just thought some....thing we couldn't get rid of."

Death growled a bit more, holding a sickle to Adam's neck. "Arrogant, hypocritical mortal. You are still the terrified little wretch I hunted after your fall from Eden. Mmm, the death of all the beasts of all the wilds hardly compares to the taste of a human's death. They aren't...aware enough. Those born to שמיים(Shamayim) or גֵּיהִנּוֹם(Gehenna)? They are too...shocked to really understand. By the time they grasp their end, they're gone."

Death paused to lick the blade of his other sickle.

"But humans? Your יְלָדִים(y'ladím)? They know me. The smell of fear is strong on them," Death said toyingly.

Adam chuckled weakly, making Death freeze. "You bitch, is that what's this about? Mad I didn't piss my leaves when I fucking croaked the first time?"

Death stared, glared into Adam's golden eyes which seemed to mock the Ender of Life. "Still so brave, Rishon? Do you think someone will save you? That your soul doesn't end here?"

Adam smirked.

"Arrogant to the last," Death said as he stood up in all his menacing glory. He placed his sickles together at the hilts, and they fused together as their hilts extended, turning the two weapons into a long staff with a curved sickle on each end. "Join the children you slaughtered in the grave, Rishon."

With that, he swung his staff to decapitate the First Man and end him for the second and final time.

Adam's eyes grew distant as his long life flashed before his eyes.

The happy but tense days with Lilith and the angels. 

The confusion and sorrow of her leaving with Lucifer.

The curiosity and joyful times with Eve.

The wonders and peace of Eden.

The betrayal of when Lucifer and Lilith returned.

The agony of falling from Eden, losing so much of what he had been, could have been.

The sadness and pain of all the creatures he named turned against him.

The uncertain terror of life on Earth, and of raising a family.

The pride and love of his children.

The bitter sting of losing them.

The aches and pains of toiling the earth.

The strange amazement he felt in looking at his first grandchild.

The contentment of looking over a thriving humanity.

The sadness of knowing he was withering. Decaying. Ending. Dying.

And that his children one day would too.

The coldness of Death.

The warmth of Heaven.

The relief of seeing, and being with the Angels again.

The comfort of Heaven.

The slow realization that many of his descendants would never see Heaven.

The disappointment of watching things fall apart for thousands of years.

The determination when Hell rose to challenge Heaven.

The absolute rage when the Watchers betrayed Heaven.

The unimaginable Horror of the Flood.

The sheer spiteful glee he took in culling the worst of his descendant.

The unbridled hate he had for how....broken Creation truly was now.

And the annoyance he had for a brat who thought she could fix it when she knew nothing.

It was a long, long life he had lived.

"You're sloppy."

The Radio Deer's words echoed in his ears. as he saw the blade coming closer.

He had. 

Once, all of Hell feared him just as much as Lucifer and Lilith.

Once, a little sinner could have never snuck up on him, injured or not.

Once, before he had gotten used to slaughtering weaklings.

His face set into a frown as the last memory of his life was stuck in his mind.

Lute, crying out his name. Begging him to live.

Lilith had not wanted him.

Eve wanted him to need her.

Lute was just...there for him.

For thousands of years, she had been there for him.

And he had left her in tears.

Death's red gaze widened as the black hand of Adam reached up and grabbed the staff, stopping the pale blade before it could touch him.

With a grunt, Adam shoved Death back, hard. The specter stumbled away with a look of bewildered anger on his face.

A light burst into existence in the darkness.

Death's gaze snapped off to the side, seeing a massive ball of light shining in the light. "No...." he whispered in disbelief, turning to Adam.

The First Man placed one hand on his knee, pushing himself slowly to his feet.

"That's impossible," Death said with a snarl. "You, the arrogant and sadistic. You, who slaughters his own bloodline! You! You are nothing but a wretched mortal, long doomed to his end!"

Adam glared at the pale hound, an old fury entering his eyes, cold and calm. "But I wasn't always mortal, was I, Mavet?"

Death stiffened, growling again.

"I was immortal once. All of creation was," Adam said, a smirk on his face as he approached Death. "You made one huge ass mistake, Pale Shitter."

Death snarled and held his staff at the ready.

"I blamed Lucifer the longest time for all the shit that went wrong, that we just couldn't fucking fix," Adam said, flexing his wings keenly. "But now? I know it's you."

Death tensed, ears twitching. "You can't defeat me. No one can."

Adam grasped the air, and his golden guitar-axe formed in his hand. "Bitch, I ain't no one."

Death leaped forward to cut Adam down, but the first man easily dodged with a glide to the side.

"Yeah, kind of a dumbass move," Adam said, locking weapons with Death, trading blows with neither able to hurt the other. "You bring a fucking staff weapon to me? Shit, I only had a spear for nine hundred fucking years! I could probably use that piece better than you."

Death braced, the final strike sending him skidding back. "You're certainly putting up a fight this time, Rishon. I give you that," he congratulated darkly.

Adam chuckled, leaning on his guitar like a staff. "Nah, you're just a cunt that can't take a challenge. No wonder you didn't go after my kids until they were too old or hurt to fight back. Eden knows Cain would have skinned you alive."

Death snorted, giving a massive spinning sweep of his sickles, sending out shadow blades that cut through the air.

Adam grinned, sweeping his axe up, sending forth a huge strike of holy energy that tore through the ranged attacks.

Death calmly, angrily sidestepped the attack, never taking his eyes off Adam.

"So, tell me, Wolf?" Adam asked with a smirk, spinning his guitar-axe. "How's it feel to be swimming with a shark now?"

Death said nothing, his eyes gleaming menacingly.

The two titans rushed one another, shaking the very air of the void with their clash. They struck, blocked, parried. Death landed behind Adam, trying to cleave his wings off, but Adam's wings shot back behind he could. Adam tried to push Death towards the edge, but Death managed to lock a sickle with the axe, using the staff itself to strike Adam in the head.

Adam stumbled back and Death went as far as trying to bite at his neck. Adam had to block with a gut strike with the hilt of his axe. Death snarled and tried to put some distance between himself and the First Man.

But Adam had been a hunter in life. He wasn't about to let Death reclaim the intuitive and become the predator in this dance.

After a long exchange of blows, Adam was finally wavering, and Death pushed it all he could. 

His pale maw split into a hungry grin as his sickle broke through the guitar axe, cutting it in half with a long swing.

Adam's lack of shock was his only warning that it would go horribly wrong.

The First Man moved to the side and grabbed the staff, using the momentum to swing it and Death, slamming the specter into the ground. Both held tight to the weapon, but Adam slammed his foot into Death's head, using the opening to jab the weapon towards its owner, cutting Death in the side.

Death howled in pain before Adam wrested the sickles away from him. Death stumbled to his feet in disbelief, holding his wound as it bled to with blood, but dust of ashes seeping forth.

Adam held the weapon with a smirk as he eyed the injury. "Told you I could use this shit better than you."

Death could only stare.

He stepped back.

Branding Death's own weapon against him, Adam flew forth like an eagle upon his prey.

Death struggled. Dodging, trying to deflect and take his weapon back. But it was fruitless. Ashes upon Ashes began to spill from the specter as he was steadily cut to ribbons. 

With a final cut over his chest, Adam sent Death to the ground, laying face up and breathing heavily as the ashes pooled around him.

Adam steadied his breath. He wasn't unscathed from the fight, obviously. Rips in his robes, golden blood from various cuts, and even bite wounds. His enter left mauled somewhat, covered in wounds from a last-ditch effort from Death.

"I'm taking my fucking immortality back, you damn parasite," Adam said as he approached the immobile Death.

"Hehe, not going to gloat, Rishon? Savor the moment?" Death asked weakly, trying to sound amused even as his eyes danced with the same emotion he had craved.

Fear.

"Yeah, fuck that with you," Adam said, stabbing the sickled staff down, right through the throat.

Death's mouth hung open in disbelief as finally, Death himself met his own end after ten millennia of terror.

Adam frowned as he reached down and picked up the head, glaring at it suspiciously. Without warning, the headless corpse dissolved into more ashes.

"Good fucking riddance, "Adam said as he looked at the light that had appeared in the void. His way out, he somehow knew. He took a moment to savor this if nothing else.

He could feel it. Something he lost long ago in the Fall and had never really gotten back. Until now.

The Head of Death dissolved into ashes in his hand as he leaned the weapon on his shoulder.

As he did, the weapon suddenly turned into a large scythe with a giant skull near the top, the staff looking like a literal spinal column.

Adam blinked at the change before snorting. "No, fuck that cliché shit."

As if obeying his wishes, the weapon morphed into....well, he could only describe it black, bone-themed version of his guitar axe.

He hummed, playing some cords and grinned. "Oh, I can work with this shit!" he said, dispelling the weapon. He wasn't sure he could, but it did in fact vanish and he knew it would reappear at his command.

With a breath of life filling his lungs and the smell of the Ashes of Death in his nose, he felt more confident about the future than he had in a long time.

He was in such a good mood, he wouldn't try to kill Lucifer when he got back.

He was definitely taking a wing if he got the chance though.

With that in mind, he took off to the portal, leaving the void behind.

He didn't know what killing Death meant.

Death was never meant to exist, it really wasn't.

But he did know this. Death would no longer hunt him.

And if that piece of Eden could be taken back, who knew what else could be.

Notes:

Okay, first off? Yes, this is based on the Death from Puss in Boots. It felt...really fitting for the Hazbin universe, seeing as there are a lot of animal-human hybrids in Hell and Heaven. That said, it is NOT the same character. See, Dreamworks Death is like most Grim Reapers/Death Gods- part of the natural world, just doing their jobs. However, the logic of the Garden of Eden story implies that Death is NOT natural. It's one of the many "problems" that arose when Lucifer and Lilith accidentally broke Creation.

But the premise and the scenery of the fight? That's based on Dante's Inferno. Great game from the PS3 days. You fight your way through every ring of Hell, and yes, You kill Death in the game. He's the tutorial boss.

All in all, this idea has a few different ways it can play out, what it means for Death to be slain and other entities that exist with Heaven and Hell being unaware of them. Naturally, the Hazbin crew are going to be very concerned and alarmed by this development.

Oh, and Adam now has a metal-ass fuck Death-axe as proof of his victory. Rock on, Dickmaster.

PS Adam's line about "swimming with a shark" is inspired by the song Ruthlessness by Jorge Rivera-Herrans- "Your pack of wolves is swimming with the sharks now"

Chapter 4: Devil's Daughter's Advocate

Devil's Daughter's Advocate AKA What if instead of dying, Adam got proof that redemption is possible? 

Adam grinned as he saw Lucifer's brat and Vaggie charging on the back of some large dragon creatures. "Oh, look who thinks they're badass now," he said in wicked amusement.

Lute chuckled, matching his energy. "The traitor came to die!"

With that, they both flew forward, ready to meet the Princess and the Turncoat head-on.

And they would have, if a beam of light hadn't come down between them, halting both sides from fighting.

"Wow, what the shit!?" Adam exclaimed in surprise.

The entire conflict paused, all looking up at the display and unsure of which side caused it.

"Stop fighting, everyone, please!"

"Emily?!" Charlie exclaimed in shock as the younger seraphim appeared in Hell, her voice carrying over.

"Emily?" Adam said with a glare. "The FUCK are you doing here?!"

"Stopping this madness!" Emily said, turning to him with a pleading look. "Adam! Please! You have to stop! Something just happened in Heaven!"

Adam stopped at that. "What happened?" he asked with an unusually serious voice, watching as Emily formed a portal in midair. "Did Lucifer come knocking?"

"A different ssssnake, I'm afraid," a familiar voice said as a very serpentine angel poked his head out.

"...Who the fuck is this?" Lute asked in annoyance.

"Wait, aren't you that snake fuck at this hotel?" Adam asked with a scowl. "What's with the paint job?

".....SIR PENTIOUS?!" Charlie exclaimed in happiness. "You're alive?!"

"Ssso it appearsss!" Pentious answered with a smile. "One moment I wassss gone, the next I was in this bright room with Miss Emily and a Miss Sera."

"....The fuck?!" Vaggie said in amazement. "Wait, are you saying...?"

"He went to Heaven! Charlie! You were right!" Emily exclaimed in joy.

"I...I was right? He....he actually did it.....?" Charlie's eyes went wide in amazement, pride, joy, and so much else. She immediately flew Razzle over to the portal and hugged Sir Pentious. "I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!"

"Thank You But Please Be Careful! I haven't tried to fly yet!" Pentious pleaded, looking down in alarm.

"What Is This!?" Lute yelled out in outrage. "What you're saying is impossible! A sentence to Hell is Eternal!"

"Apparently not, Bitch," Vaggie said with a smirk.

"He died! Adam killed him, and he went to Heaven! Wings and all! What more do you need?" Charlie demanded with a glare.

"This is obviously some kind of demonic trick!" Lute denied.

"This isn't a trick!" Emily defended.

Their debating continued, but Lute was the only one yelling against Charlie and Emily.

The entire exchange went deaf in Adam's ears as he stared very, very intently at Sir Pentious, watching the exchange nervously.

With narrowed eyes, Adam flew forward, surprising everyone as he approached Sir Pentious.

Charlie screamed something at him in threat, but he didn't really pay any attention. He didn't pay any mind to the giant hell-beasts or even Vaggie pointing a spear at him.

Lute was calling, confused, alarmed.

Emily was right by Sir Pentious, looking at Adam with an uncertain look while the angelic snake was understandably nervous about being approached by his own killer.

"Pent, right?" Adam asked bluntly.

"Umm, Pentious, Sir," Pentious answered warily but honestly.

"You want to prove you're an angel?" Adam asked evenly.

There were some more voices but he really didn't care at this point. In fact, they were pissing him off.

"Shut the FUCK up, all of you! I'm trying to talk to this Penti-fuck!" Adam said before turning to the soul that was supposedly formerly a sinner, who shrunk back just a bit. "Anyone ever say your name is begging people to call you Pitious?"

Pentious smiled awkwardly. "Ssseveral timesss, yesss," he answered sheepishly. "H-how do I prove I'm an angel? I already have the wing and the lookssss."

"Yeah, but you can fake those to a point," Adam mused honestly. "Angels have gold blood."

"Oh, issss that all?" Pentious asked, considering biting himself but thinking against it. "Would you have a knife I could borrow?"

"Just a fucking axe," Adam said, pulling out his golden guitar axe, albeit not too quickly.

"Oh my," Sir Pentious said in surprise. Nonetheless, he leaned out towards the weapon and winced just a bit as he cut his palm lightly on the blade.

Golden blood seeped out.

"See! There's your proof!" Charlie said, almost smugly. Her expression grew surprised when Adam didn't immediately cuss or deny or ...anything.

He just floated there, staring at the golden blood on Pentious's hand.

"Adam?" Emily asked softly, moving to heal the wound. "You know what this means? Right?"

He didn't look at Emily. Instead, he looked right at Charlie and smirked.

Charlie was suddenly very confused by that smirk.

Later

Lucifer blinked at what he was witnessing from his place in the sky.

He had come to check on Charlie after hearing the Extermination had been mysteriously cut short. Which was strange, because he HAD been about to head over and help if Adam had crossed a line.

He was glad to see the Hotel was not in ruins. It was damaged, but not horribly.

But....why were the Exorcists HELPING repair the Hotel!?

So bewildered by the sight, he didn't notice the rock that knocked his hat off.

"HEY LUCIFUCK!"

Lucifer looked down, hatless and bewildered to see Adam on the ground standing with what appeared to be a snake-themed angel. 

Adam grinned widely while pointing at the angel. "I FUCKING GOT ONE BACK YOU DUCK-FUCKER!" Adam said smugly, motioning to Pentious, who looked a bit sheepish at the action.

"....The fuck are you on about!?" Lucifer said as he flew down. "What the hell are you doing here, Adam? And why are your locusts actually.....helping repair something in Hell, for once?"

Adam grinned at the King of Hell. "You're daughter somehow turned out not to be full of shit, despite her parents."

Lucifer narrowed his eyes. "I'm sorry, did you just...compliment my daughter? Are you Adam? I'm not sure you're really Adam," Lucifer said before looking at the serpent. "Wait, weren't you one of Charlie's hotel guests? Or staff? I forget who was which."

"Umm, yesss, your Devilnesssss," Pentious assured respectfully. "But it appears that I have been...redeemed."

"....I'm sorry, what?" Lucifer asked with wide eyes. "You mean, Charlie actually....?"

"Patched up the fucking shit-crack you and Lilith broke in Creation, yeah," Adam said with a grin.

Lucifer was still staring. "I'm not sure what I have a hard time believing more. That a soul actually got redeemed or you complimenting my daughter," he said honestly. 

"So...how did this happen?"

"That is what I'm trying to figure out. I've talking with Sir Pent here-" Adam stopped suddenly. "Sir. Pent.  I just fucking got that, Serpent. Anyway, I've trying to figure out how your daughter stumbled into this shit that was supposed impossible for over nine thousand years."

"I'm not ssssure if I'm being very helpful," Pentious said sheepishly.

"Nah, you're good," Adam assured. "I'm just sorry to rag you back down here so quickly."

"Wait, wait....." Lucifer said slowly. "Are you saying....you want to HELP Charlie now?"

"Obviously?" Adam said in annoyance, glaring at Lucifer.

"What? What are you mad at me for?" Lucifer asked in confusion.

"Oh, I'm mad at a lot of people. You. Lilith. Sera. Some other angels. You know, just about every fucking person I asked who told me this could never fucking happen," Adam said pointedly as he dropped the Lord of Sin.

"I never told you that," Lucifer said with a furrowed brow.

"You definitely didn't give me any damn reason to think otherwise," Adam said flatly.

"Dad!

Everyone paused as a blonde red blur slammed into the Devil. "Charlie!" he greeted, wrapping his arms around her. Vaggie approached the group too, eyeing Adam distrustfully, who ignored her. "I'm glad you're okay! "

"I'm better than okay, Dad!" Charlie said, motioning to Pentious. "Dad! It's possible! Really possible!"

Lucifer opened his mouth before closing it. He had still been in shock by the fact that he really hadn't...processed what this could mean. "Yeah, yeah it is, Kiddo," Lucifer said with a soft smile. "I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

"Not to interrupt waterworks?" Adam said, looking at Sir Pentious. "Pent, you should probably go to Emily and head back to Heaven. Sera might just pull something stupid if Ems isn't there to be the voice of reason."

"Oh. Certainly. I hope to sssee you and everyone again sssoon, Charlie!" Pentious said with a smile, hugging the Hell Princess briefly, who hugged him back energetically. He looked to Vaggie and cautiously gave her a handshake, which she returned with a small smile.

The group of four drifted into an awkward silence.

"So...." Charlie started. "Adam has agreed to help Emily advocate to Heaven for the Hotel. "

Adam held up a rock sign in response.

"He still hasn't explained that," Vaggie said flatly, suspiciously. "You took one look at Pentious and literally said "I'm in" and just acted like you haven't tried to kill any of us."

"I don't have to explain shit," Adam said bluntly.

"I'm sorry, but...did I hear that right before?" Charlie asked curiously. "You said everyone told you redemption was impossible? And that you...asked?"

Adam gave a very unamused stare. "Morningbrat, contrary to whatever you think? I didn't just roll out of bed one day and think it was a fucking wonderful idea to come down and slaughter sinners for shits and giggles."

"Really? That was the impression I got," Vaggie said flatly.

Adam glared at her darkly. "Keep talking, Vagina, keep talking."

"Vaggie. You have every right to be angry with him still, but please?" Charlie implored before giving Adam a strange look. "But...you do give off that impression."

"I don't exactly got a lot of other options in that, Charcoal," Adam said bluntly. "It's either I wallow in depress like a bitch, go completely numb from this shit, or just learn to enjoy it out of spite."

"....Spite?" Lucifer asked with a raised eyebrow. "You enjoy killing them out of spite?"

"I enjoy my fucking afterlife out of spite," Adam said flatly. "You got to ruin my life, like fuck you get to make my afterlife miserable."

Lucifer almost winced at that.

"Look, I don't know what to tell you, Bitch. I didn't start this shit WANTING to kill off my descendants."

Charlie blinked and blinked again. She knew Adam was the First Man, but she never really comprehended that he was the ancestor of every sinner in Hell. That made the entire concept of him leading the exterminations so much more morbid, but also....complicated by his own claim having not wanted it to be this way originally.

"Now if we're done bitching, we got a lot to talk about," Adam said flatly. "That includes you, Pipsqueak."

"Me?" Lucifer asked in confusion. "I mean, I'm glad to help Charlie, but why in Here would you want my help?"

"You're the fucking King of Hell, it's time you start acting like it, you limp-dick," Adam said with a scowl.

"So, does that mean you'll be sopping the exterminations?" Charlie asked curiously.

"Kind of," Adam said honestly. "Believe it or not, I actually had plans for this."

"You had plans for if redemption was possible?!" Charlie asked in amazement.

"You had plans?" Vaggie and Lucifer asked in sync.

"I will punt you both to the lowest ring of Hell," Adam warned in annoyance. "But yeah, I had fucking plans. Used to be all I thought about after a bad E-Day. Before I learned how to enjoy this shit."

Vaggie looked unconvinced but curious. Lucifer looked uncertain. "Adam?" he asked. "Be honest, you really think this'll go over smoothly in Heaven?"

"Oh, not a fucking chance,' Adam said casually. "Luckily, your kid here has me, so that opens a few doors."

"Like what?" Charlie asked curiously.

"Charlie? I'm literally older than Sin. I spent a lot of fucking time with the oldest angels before Hell became a problem," Adam said bluntly. "If you had come to me with some damn proof of this in that first meeting, I would have had you a meeting with the Archangels in about ten minutes."

"The Archangels?" Lucifer repeated in surprise. "As in...?"

Adam gave him a blank look. "Raph still worries about your pale ass and Mike's hands still hurt sometimes."

Lucifer stiffened with wide eyes before looking away with an old, pained look across his visage.

"Dad? Are you...okay?" Charlie asked, not sure if she needed to scold Adam or just comfort her father. "Were you...friends with them before?

Lucifer took a breath, leaning on his cane. "I'll...explain later, Charlie, "he said, forcing a smile.

Adam raised an eyebrow but didn't poke the wound anymore. "Anyway, do we want to talk details or not? Cause I lost my appetite after I made the cannibals NOT eat the bodies."

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "Is that a joke or did I miss something?"

Adam grunted, waving them to follow him to the hotel.

However, the trio lingered behind him as they walked.

"Sir, please tell us if this is a good idea? Or a bad idea? Or how the fuck we're supposed to take this, please?" Vaggie requested Lucifer.

Lucifer sighed. "Adam can be an asshole, but he's honest. If he said he's on your side, he is. And I guess it's a given that he got close with many of the angels in Heaven," he said with a neutral tone, trying to hide some tender pain.

Charlie looked at her father with a worried look. She was glad for the support, and what this meant. Adam on their side might be the greatest boon they could ask. She just wasn't sure what that meant for the future. He was still rather unapologetic about everything he had done. His entire reasoning for not giving her a chance before was her lack of evidence. Which was reasonable in a way, even if his delivery wasn't ideal for her.

"Hey, Princess and the Fallen Fuckheads! You coming or not?" Adam called over his shoulder impatiently. "Hell's not going to empty it's own damn self."

Notes:

So....yeah. I have always retained that NOBODY, in Heaven or Hell, is wrong to doubt Charlie's plan. No one has been redeemed in ten thousand years, yet she is asking people to consider the project seriously before proving it can work.

Just because she was right about redemption, doesn't mean everyone else was wrong to doubt it.

But in the spirit of that, in canon? Adam died before Sir Pentious got to Heaven. So, he never got to see it was really possible. This idea explores the idea that if he had proof? He would have jumped on Charlie's bandwagon in an instant and showed her all the secret routes to make this shit go smoother.

Naturally, there are still going to be a lot of problems. Reluctance of some parts in Heaven, the discovery that Angelic Steel is a threat to the angels themselves, sinners obviously not trusting the exorcists, and the entire hotel having to deal with Adam as a regular presence.

Also, yes, I'm of the opinion that exterminating his descendants was never Adam's ideal solution, but it was the only solution they had and he's learned to enjoy it as his own coping mechanism. Yes, he learned to be sadistic just to deal with what he had to do.

PS My beta gets credit for the title.

Chapter 5: Adam takes a Vacation

Adam Takes a Vacation AKA What it says on the tin. Also, no exorcist angel died on E-Day. These two things have a very positive impact.

Adam absently turned the meatless rib bone between his fingers, not really listening to what was going on. He was too preoccupied with something.

He was tired.

He had learned to make himself enjoy slaughtering sinners, his own descendants, millennia ago. He had been reluctant, depressed, accepting,  and sadistic about the situation. But now? Now, he was just feeling tired.

It didn't help, seeing Sera's disgust at listening to or hearing his report.

It didn't help, that he had to hide what he did from the rest of Heaven.

It didn't help, that he was listening to Lucifer's daughter ramble on.

He quirked an eyebrow, pretending to listen more. He got the gist, she had this stupid idea that sinners could redeemed from Hell. She, a two-hundred-year-old whelp of Lucifer, suggests the most obvious question to ask about Hell: Can sinners be saved from Hell? As if no one else had asked in ten thousand years. Was she as arrogant as her literally-damned father, or just stupid as fuck?

He didn't know, and he really didn't care.

That said?

"Sure, why the fuck not," Adam said flippantly.

"Wait, what?" Lute asked in shock. "Sir?!"

"Really?!" Charlie asked in excitement.

Adam shrugged. "I'm overdue for a fucking vacation. I'll give you five, maybe ten years to try and get people out of this shithole. You can, well, we'll see what happens. You can't, it's back to business as usual," Adam explained.

"I mean....that's great! Thank you!" Charlie said gratefully. "Wow, I was worried that you were just going to laugh me out of here!"

"Eh, I'm more for singing someone out," Adam waved off. "Look, I'm not really expecting shit to come out of this, but most people don't like this shit in Heaven either. And I've run out of steam, so congrats, the overpopulation is your problem to fuck with for five to ten years. Unless my bosses bitch at me to get back to work because you screwed up."

Lute sent a concerned look to Adam before masking it.

"I....right, I suppose that's kind of fair," Charlie said uncertainly. "So, umm, do I need to sign something?"

Adam held up his hands, paper and pen showing up with a flash of light. He scribbled something down before sliding it over to Charlie.

"I, Adam Kadom, agree that me and my girls will not fuck with Hell for no less than five years so that one Charlotte Morningstar can try to redeem some sinful fucks. This contract is void in the event that the Sinners of Hell make any attempt to threaten Heaven. Violation of this contract will result in MONTHLY E-Days.

Adam Kadom"

"....Was that last clause really necessary?" Charlie asked squeamishly.

"Bitch, that's for your benefit. That might just keep the sinners from trying any bullshit while we're gone," Adam pointed out in annoyance.

"I...suppose you have a point," Charlie answered, signing her name. "How'd you know my full name anyway?"

"You mean besides listening when I hear the duck-fuck and snake-sucker have a kid?" Adam asked flatly.

Charlie smiled sheepishly, trying not to be angry at the insult to her parents. "Thank you, again, for this. It really, REALLY means a lot to me."

"Stop sucking my cock unless you're actually going to do it," Adam instructed with an eye roll. "Though, if you want-"

"I have a girlfriend," Charlie said bluntly.

"Hot," Adam said with a smirk. "Well, take that home and have something to fuck about. I'm taking my girls to a beach for five years and not leaving. Danger-tits, we out."

"Sir," Lute saluted as they both vanished, leaving Charlie alone.

She stared down at the paper and grinned. That hadn't gone nearly as she hoped. Or dreaded. Or anything. But it went so much better than she ever dreamed! No exterminations for five years, maybe ten! Years to try and get the hotel working without her people fearing for their lives on an annual basis!

She couldn't wait to tell everyone!

---

"Adam went on Vacation!?"

Charlie held the phone away from her ear. "Umm, yeah, Dad. Is that...a bad thing?"

"No. Yes. Maybe? Sorry, honey, just very confused. And surprise. I actually thought it would be his second in command meeting you, he never comes to these meetings himself!" Lucifer said with a frown. "You said he seemed.....worn down?"

Charlie nodded. "Yeah. I was kind of worried that the Exorcists couldn't be reasoned with, but he said Heaven doesn't like the Exterminations either. And it sounds like it gets to him too."

Lucifer sighed. "Well, they are his descendants, even if he hates what they did on Earth. Honestly, I was bluffing when I made it only sinners could be exterminated. I thought Heaven would back off on the whole idea."

"But he didn't," Charlie said with a frown. "Why would...Heaven let the Father of humanity slaughter human souls in Hell? I get they think it has to be done, but having him do it? I know he has a history with you and Mom, for lack of a better word, but that just sounds...awful."

"I don't know, Charlie," Lucifer admitted, biting his lip. "It seems all of us from Eden are growing weary. Your mother needed time to herself, Adam is taking a vacation, and I...."

"....Dad?" Charlie said in concern.

"CharChar? I'm sorry, I'm....such a mess these past few years," Lucifer admitted. "I've been trying to deal with my own problems and I neglected you a lot."

"Dad, that's-"

"Honey, please let me finish or I might not have the nerve to try again," Lucifer said quickly. "Honey, I'll admit it. I....don't....not, I can't believe sinners can be redeemed. But I can't help loving that you do and dreading it. You have that same look as me, a dreamer, and I know what it's like to have your dreams crushed."

"....Do you think I should give up?" Charlie asked softly.

"Oh fuck know," Lucifer said, forcing a grin. "Charlie, is it...okay if I come over sometime?"

"Dad?!"

"I'd love to be proven wrong, CharChar. And I miss you. So if you're willing to let your old man catch you if- IF you fall? I'd like to come help you," Lucifer said softly.

"Dad.....I'd love that," Charlie said with eyes swelling with tears. "And I just want you to know, I never blamed you for Mom leaving or anything. I just.....I just thought you didn't want me around to remind you of everything and...and..."

Lucifer let out a sad chuckle. "Looks like we're both-UF!"

"Dad?" Charlie asked in surprise, staring at her phone. "You...you still there?"

"Yeah! Just fell on some of my ducks! And the room is on fire! And glittery! Got to go, be over later, honey! Love you!"

"I love you too, Dad!" Charlie said, laughing at the absurdity of it all. "This...really is a happy day in Hell."

-

"This is Katie Killjoy, reporting a strange malfunction with the clock tower, which is now set to "999" Day. We are uncertain if this is some gorey bits causing a problem or just some assclown pranking us. Some are hoping that this means three years without exterminations, but let's be honest? We're not that fucking luck-What The Fuck Did You Say!? Umm, apologies, but it seems that we have a message from Heaven, courtesy of King Lucifer himself. According to the "Dickmaster General of the Exorcists," there will be no Exterminations for no less than five years! That's right, assholes, we're all lightly less fucked than we were yesterday. Oh, and he says I have to read this or he'll gut me.....is that from the Devil or the Dickmaster?.... Anyway, we can thank this blessing to our local fuck up, Princess Charlie Morningstar, who is less of a fuck up than I gave her credit for!"

The residents of the Hotel watched the report with mixed versions of disbelief.

"Well, I lost a bet, so I'm going sober for a week," Husk said, taking a long swig of his bottle. "Starting tomorrow."

"Nice job, Charlie," Angel Dust said with a grin. "What's you have to do to convince this 'Dickmaster' you met?"

"Yes, how did you do that?" Vaggie asked in alarm.

"Nothing like that! Though....he kind the offer if I wanted to, but politely declined?" Charlie said uncomfortably.

Angel Dust blinked. "You're telling me the big cock in charge called off the Exterminations and you didn't even suck him off as a thank you? Honey, I get you're taken and I respect you not wanting my lifestyle, but seriously?"

"Now, now! We should congratulate our dear leader for pulling off such an amazing negotiation!" Alastor intervened, praising Charlie with one of his more charming smiles. Or at least less predatory. "Why, when I heard that about this, I was actually worried!"

"You were?" Charlie asked in surprise, and somewhat touched.

"Certainly! I thought for sure that you had made a deal with an angel! Which, I didn't know was entirely possible, but it sounded more likely than what you're telling us now!" Alastor said in amusement. "Are you sure there was no catch, besides the aforementioned threat to behave or face monthly visits from our heavenly overlords?"

"Umm, no? Adam said he was just...out of steam," Charlie informed.

"Adam?" Alastor asked, eyes narrowed. "The First Man, Adam?"

"Come on, Smiles! There are a lot of Adams!" Angel Dust reminded with a grin. "What are the odds the Leader of the Exorcists is the same fucking guy as from the bible?"

"....Actually....?" Charlie said sheepishly.

Alastor hummed. "Interesting."

"YOU PASSED ON SUCKING THE OG DICK!?" Angel Dust said in jealous disbelief. "Charlie, sweetie, doll, are you sure you're bisexual? I'll believe ya, but I'm obliged to ask!"

"Hey! Back off!" Vaggie said defensively. And not like the idea of Charlie sucking Adam off.

Husk furrowed his brow. "The Father of Humanity is the asshole leading the Exterminations?" he asked, taking a longer drink. "Well, that's just fucked."

"Really fucked, now that you mentioned it. Is that like....his job or penance or whatever because all sinners are his descendants screwed up? Do they make the first and oldest grandpa come down to put us down again?" Angel Dust asked with a furrowed brow.

"From what I've heard and seen of him, he's just a sadistic asshole that enjoys killing sinners," Vaggie said carefully, arms crossed.

"A sadist asshole that is out of steam? After only getting a kill-fix once a year?" Angel Dust asked skeptically. "Trust me, Vagina. I know real sadists. They don't run out of steam, they just change shit up."

Vaggie bit her tongue, knowing she couldn't say more against the spider. "Still, are we even sure this contract you signed is binding?" she asked skeptically.

"Yeah, I had my dad check it out. Unless the Sinners- and he specifically wrote sinners!- try anything against Heaven somehow, Adam and the Exorcists won't be back for five years, "Charlie answered.

"That does of course mean the population of sinners will continue to grow," Alastor reminded, studying his cane idly. "And in turn, the violence and such will continue to escalate."

"City might actually get cramped, "Angel Dust mused before deadpanning. "I'm going to have soooo many pricks grabbing a free feel."

"I'm just glad we're a bit outside the city," Husk said with a frown. "We won't have to worry about some random assholes fighting and damaging the fight nearby unless they want a fight with us."

"Oh, we won't have to worry about that," Charlie said with a smile. "My dad said he'll be coming around and helping a lot."

"Your day, the Devil, the King of Hell?" Husk asked for clarification.

"That's also a tempting dick," Angel Dust muttered. "Vag, you've gone down on Charlie, right?"

"I-the fuck!? Why are you asking that?!" Vaggie asked in outrage, both her and Charlie blushing.

"Well, I just want a warning before I find out the spunk will scold my insides like lava or something," Angel Dust said honestly.

".....Oh, you weren't joking when you said it was spicy," Charlie muttered in realization.

Vaggie smacked a hand over her face. Still, she supposed this was good. Adam on vacation meant the year exterminations were no longer an issue for now, and she didn't have to worry about being recognized by her....former comrades. And maybe she could work up the guts to tell Charlie the truth during these five years.

Alastor remained silent, pondering on how this would change things. He thought there might be less fire under the princess's feet to prove her foolish idea could work, but she seemed even more driven by this reprieve given by Heaven, this stay of execution.

---

Adam sighed contently as he sat on a beach, out of his robes for once and only wearing swim trunks. Lute was curled on lap, head on his shoulder. Two of his girls were preening his wings, others were playing volley ball or swimming, some more were getting a big BBQ party.

Lute tensed in his arm, making him look down to see her glaring. But not at him.

A shadow came over him.

He glanced up to see Lilith. She was in a bikini, sunhat, and glasses. She was carrying her own supplied to lounge at the beach.

Neither of them said a word for a moment.

Lilith pulled her glasses down just a bit. Amethyst met Gold.

Both brilliant, both ancient, both...tired.

Lilith only nodded and said nothing before walking off to find her own patch of beach.

 

Notes:

So, yeah. Pretty straight forward idea this time. No angel death and Adam is actually growing tired of the exterminations. I imagine this might have happened in canon eventually, his sadism(forced or otherwise) beginning to drain and leave him just so tired it all.

But having it happen now led to some funny side effects. See, without the threat of the exterminations and Adam literally taking a vacation from them? Charlie and company kind of let their minds wonder on how....fucked up it is that Heaven has the first man leading a yearly culling of his bloodline's souls in Hell.

Also, yeah, we all know Angel Dust would shame Charlie in scenarios like this for never once taking a shot to try the OG Dick of the Dickmaster, just on principle.

Lucifer also took this as a kick in the pants to try and reconnect with his daughter. He's depressed, but if Adam is taking a vacation, he's realizing that maybe all the old souls are just getting weary of the mess Creation has become- the mess he made, which adds to the guilt, but also motivates him to fic something good in his life. Doesn't fix his depression, but it's basically jus a giant moment of inspiration for him.

And Adam is at the beach, surrounded by his hot exorcists babes, Lute on his lap, and....Lilith. Thought it was too early for them to enjoy the beach together, even just in silence. So Lilith finds her own spot.

This would probably be a very short, lighthearted fic if I ever expanded it.. Might actually have some reconciliation between Adam and the Big Ls.

Chapter 6: The Murder of Charlie Morningstar

The Murder of Charlie Morningstar AKA Someone kills Charlie, and this has even more consequences than expected

In the late hours of another day in Hell, Lucifer found himself fiddling with another rubber duck.

"Damnit, I put the nozzle in backward," Lucifer said, realizing his mistake belatedly as he held up a rather creepy clown-themed duck. "Hmm, maybe this will still work?"

He squeezed it and whipped cream shot out in a stream instead of spaying in someone's face.

"Hmm, that looks more lewd than funny," Lucifer noted, smiling at his creation all the same. "Don't worry, Hennywise, we'll get that all sorted out."

He gave it a few extra squeezes in amusement before his phone started to ring.

"Daughter calling! Okay, okay! Be calm, she's probably just worried about the meeting in Heaven and wants some advice....that you probably can't give her because you're you, your advice is the last thing to use up there!" he rambled, realizing the phone might go to voice mail if he didn't answer quickly. "Hey, CharChar! Everything doing-"

"Lucifer!"

His face fell in surprise. He recognized that voice. His daughter's girlfriend. Maggie? Something like Faggie, but definitely not that. "Oh. sorry. I forget couples use their phones-"

"Sir, you need to get here now! Charlie's hurt, there's blood, and-and-"

He shut his phone and was gone in an instant, teleporting on pure instinct, heading straight for Razzle and Dazzle.

He appeared in a bedroom, eyes instantly scanning the room. There were several people in the room. All he already met, supposedly friends and not-enemies of Charlie. Even the tacky-suited deer.

Vaggie- that was her name, Vaggie!- was on the floor next to....next to...

He felt like he had fallen again. But none of the falling. Just the pain of the impact, the shock of it rolling over him as something horrible happened beyond his wildest imagination.

Charlie was lying on the floor, bleeding. Bleeding a lot, so much, too much, when did she even have that much blood?!

He didn't remember moving, he was at her side, across from Vaggie. He quickly, carefully pulled his little girl up into his arms.

She was breathing. Hard. There was a hole in her chest, right where her heart should be.

"Charlie?" he spoke, pleaded, begged, prayed

Her eyes opened weakly and she tried to smile. She tried to speak but only had blood oozing from her mouth.

"Hold on, you're going to be okay," he said softly. His hand was already over her chest healing her. Trying to heal her. Failing to heal her.

Why was he failing!?

"What hurt her?!" Lucifer called out desperately, looking to all of them for answers. They had none.

"We don't know, sir," Vaggie said, holding Charlie's hand tightly. "Is she....she's not going to.....?"

He looked down, lost and helpless, staring into those beautiful red eyes. Even now as she was cold and fading, she was still smiling.

But she was trembling, shivering. She was scared, so very scared and she was smiling through it.

She opened her mouth to speak, to utter a word just one more time.

"D-daddy?" Charlie gargled. "Why....why is it cold, Daddy?"

And just like that, her eyes faded, her head falling limp.

"Charlie....?" Lucifer whispered, ignoring his tears. When had he started crying? Had he been crying this entire time? "Charlie! Sweetie! Come on, don't.....don't....."

The words died in his throat as he began to sob opening. He brought his forehead to her cheek and cried.

He didn't care who heard or saw or spoke or did anything.

All that mattered was that his baby, his most precious star was dead.

His fists curled into her clothes, drenched in her blood.

His halo and horns slowly formed overhead.

His wings unfurled from his wings.

With all the grief and sorrow he didn't know he could feel, he reared his head back and let loose a roar that shook not only the seven hells but all of creation to its core.

He didn't know how long or short he kept bellowing. He was just glad he hadn't killed any of Charlie's friends. Or destroyed Charlie's hotel. Or hurt Charlie.

She was dead.

But she was still his little girl.

He'd never, never hurt her.

Even if she was already gone.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

Someone took her from him.

Someone hurt her, killed her, butchered her.

Someone was going to suffer. Horrible. Eternally. Unending and everlasting.

Charlie wouldn't want that. He didn't care, on this and only this, he would willingly disappoint her memory.

After all, he was the Lord of Pride.

Charlie had been all that was left of his pride.

He pulled his head out of the dark, horrible cycle it was caught in. He must have knelt there a long time because they didn't look terrified of him anymore.

Worried, scared maybe, but mostly just....

Angel Dust was crying. It was quiet, but he was just letting his own tears fall.

Husker, he was gritting his teeth and rubbing his eyes. He didn't want to cry, but he needed to.

Sir Pentious had this look on his face that...only Lucifer probably understood. Being a fellow snake. The sinner was in shock, trying to process it, and might just snap in fear and anger if provoked. But his scales and clothes were already filled with tears he already shed.

Nifty was starred in utter incomprehension. No, utter comprehension. She was staring at Charlie's body as if she was having a flashback to her own horrible past. Probably was.

Alastor.....Lucifer wanted to be angry. Pissed. To punch the smile off that man, but he saw the way Alastor leaned against the bedpost, rubbing a hand through his face, eyes shaking. He wasn't just smiling. He was fighting to keep that smile.

Then, finally, Vaggie.

He saw himself reflected in her eye. The same haunted, empty look of a person who failed what was probably their only purpose to keep living in this wretched existence. Someone who had heart heart torn asunder, because Charlie took part of them with her.

"I'm going to find who did this," he promised with an empty voice. To her. To all of them. To Charlie. To Creation itself. "I'm going to find them and they will feel me unravel every piece of their soul and remake it into a masterpiece of pain and suffering beyond compare. They will regret their very existence and I-!"

His phone rang.

"FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW!" Lucifer screamed, flames at his mouth as he snatched the phone from his pocket and crushed it.

No one said anything for a moment as Lucifer knelt there and panted.

Another phone rang. The one in Vaggie's hand. Charlie's phone.

Lucifer felt himself deflate. Wondering who did they have to inform that Charlie was dead. More friends he hadn't met?

Vaggie looked at it, her broken face turning into a look of confused annoyance. She showed it to Lucifer.

He recognized the number.

Adam.

He took a long, suffering breath before he took the phone from Vaggie's hand and answered it. "Listen Here You Fucking Ass-ant, I Do NOT Have The Fucking Time For Your Damn-"

"Daddy?"

His rage died. He reverted back to his less demonic voice in shock. He looked down at the corpse in his arms, still not even cold. "Is....Adam, is this kind of sick fucking joke?"

"Daddy, it's me!" Charlie's voice echoed in his ears. Pleading. Sacred. Alarmed.

"Stop that, or so help me, I will-!"

Everyone was looking at him strangely as he choked back a sob and he didn't blame them.

"Lucifer, it's really your fucking daughter! Stop freaking her out, I just got her ass calmed down!" Adam's voice came, a bit distant but clear.

"Daddy, please, please, it's me and I'm scared and I don't know what happened," Charlie's voice pleaded.

"Wait, wait. Fuck. Shit. Lucifer, I'm sending you a damn photo!" Adam cut in, taking the phone from her.

Lucifer opened and closed his mouth at the absurd insanity he was experiencing, hearing his daughter on the line while holding her corpse.

"What is it?" Vaggie asked with a frown. 

Lucifer didn't answer, just holding up the phone as he heard the notification ping. He opened it and found an image.

The phone slipped from his fingers in disbelief.

Vaggie grabbed it quickly, letting out a Spanish curse as she held it up and looked at the screen.

Her one eye looked ready to pop out.

It was Charlie. The same Charlie whose hand was going cold in her own. But everything red was blue. The eyes, the suit, the spots on her cheeks. And....and she had a halo! And wings! Six wings!

And...she was crying.  She looked so distraught, in such desperate need of a hug from someone who loved her.

She could faintly hear a....too familiar, too perfect voice on the phone.

With trembling fingers, she put the phone into speaker mode. "....Charlie?"

"Vaggie!" Charlie cried out in relief.

"The fuck!?" Angel Dust said, his voice high-pitched and shocked.

Husker looked like he wished he had a bottle of alcohol, just to drop it in shock.

Alastor froze entirely, not comprehending it.

Nifty was...gone? When did that happen?

"Sssshe livesss!" Pentious cheered in relief.

"G-guys? You're all there?" Charlie asked. "Did...did that really happen? Did....did I die?"

"Oh thank you, you're alive!" Vaggie cried out, almost laughing from relief.

"I....." Lucifer winced. "Charlie, I'm...I'm holding your body right now, so this is still a little hard for me to believe."

"A-adam wants to talk to you. I'm putting it on speaker," Charlie said with a whimper.

"Yeah, Lucifer? Your kid is up here. Nearly demolished the Pearly Gates before I calmed her down," Adam informed.

"You're not cursing. This must be real," Lucifer said, resigning to this perplexing, gut-twisting miracle.

Charlie sniffed on the other end.

"Look, we need to talk," Adam said firmly. "You.....good to listen?"

Lucifer looked down at Charlie's body and took a breath. "Give...give us a moment."

"Take your time," Adam said honestly. 'Just....someone talk to Charlie."

Vaggie hesitated only for a second, knowing that Adam might recognize her voice, but she didn't care. "Charlie, Honey, I'm...I'm right here. Thank god you charged this phone," she said as they all slowly left the room and the...body there, heading to the hallway. Lucifer didn't remove the blood from his clothes and Vaggie did her best to ignore what was on her own.

"Y-yeah, lucky that, right?" Charlie said with a quiver to her voice. "Is...is everyone else alright?"

"Doll, don't worry. We're all alright," Angel Dust said, leaning nearby. "Looks...looks like you really were too pure for this place, huh?"

"Yeah. I...I wanted to prove redemption was possible, but not like...." Charlie trailed off.

"Hold off on that, just worry about yourself, "Adam cautioned.

"You...really almost bulldoze Saint Peter, Kid?" Husker asked, attempting to sound amused.

"I...Oh fuck. Adam! Did...did I hurt anyone?!" Charlie asked in alarm.

"Relax, Charlie. Even if you knocked a few off, they'll spawn right on the bridge," Adam assured gently.

Alastor continued to say nothing, just taking in every strange thing with a smile that was trying to hide his own uncertainty about everything.

Lucifer took a phone and sighed. It was surreal to hear Adam acting concerned, but that only added to the proof that Charlie Went To Heaven "Okay, we're....outside the room now. Adam, just....what is going on?"

The First Man sighed. "Your daughter was a Nephilim."

Lucifer furrowed his brow. "I mean, yes, technically that tracks, but-"

"No, Lucifer, not 'technically' anything! She was an actual Nephilim!" Adam stressed.

"A what?" Angel Dust asked in confusion.

"Child born from humans and angels mating together," Alastor noted ideally.

"What does that have to do with this?" Husker asked, uncertain as he crossed his arms.

Adam paused before answering. "She was alive."

The hall went silent.

"....What?" Lucifer whispered.

"Lucifer, your daughter was a living person in Hell. When she died, it was no different than any other human soul. She died, and her soul went to where it belonged. And.....well, she's up here," Adam explained.

"I.....I was alive? A mortal? I thought...I thought Mom was....?" Charlie trailed off.

"Lilith became a demon, but she was the first human woman once, and she never actually died," Adam pointed out. "That was apparently good enough. Or maybe Charlie just inherited every bit of Lilith's former humanity, I don't really know."

"But I'm over two hundred years old!" Charlie protested.

"Charlie, I was over NINE hundred when I croaked! You're not just half-human, you're half-original-human!" Adam informed, slow and clear.

Lucifer chuckled.

"Daddy?" Charlie asked in surprise.

"Sorry, CharChar. I'm just....reeling from everything, and I'm kind of happy you're in heaven, "Lucifer said softly. "Adam....I know....you probably have no reason, but can you-"

"She'll be at the embassy in ten days. I'm not taking her back there right now and risking her soul falling somehow," Adam said firmly.

Lucifer gritted his teeth, having no words. "Why are you so fucking generous right now?"

"Lucifer, this is cosmic cluseterfuck on all our parts," Adam said with a frown they could hear. "I don't care if she's not one of mine. Nephilim or not, an innocent human was just killed in Hell."

Vaggie swallowed hard. "Can we....can we really trust you to watch after Charlie?"

"Girlfriend, right? Yeah. You can trust me. I'm only a right asshole to you hellion fucks," Adam informed without vigor or hate. "Look, we need to go. Charlie needs a visit to the soul healers and the higher-ups are going to have questions I need to answer."

Lucifer bit his lip and his hand trembled. "Can...can I call Charlie on here?"

"Yeah," Adam assured. "Lucifer?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm not really sure you deserve to hear me say this, but.....I'm sorry," Adam said solemnly.

Lucifer paused. "What are you apologizing for? My daughter is in heaven," he said emptily.

"Yeah. And you thought you just lost her forever, didn't you," Adam predicted knowingly.

Lucifer looked away, too many emotions to process, to name. 

He could still imagine his daughter's corpse, right behind this door.

"Adam?" Lucifer spoke up. "If....if they try to banish her, like they did me? Please....please don't let them make her fall like I did. Just...bright her down-"

"You have my word, Samael."

Lucifer tensed up intensely at the mention of That Name. "I....thank you."

"Daddy?" Charlie spoke up. "I...I love you. And you Vaggie, and everyone! I'll talk again as soon as I can! As soon as things...settle, or finish whatever they need to do."

"We'll be waiting, Hon," Vaggie promised softly. "And....don't...don't feel afraid to enjoy the sights, okay?"

"Okay...." Charlie whispered.

"I love you too, my little star," Lucifer whispered.

The call ended after that.

Lucifer let the back of his head hit the door. "Fuck!" he muttered harshly, rubbing his brow. "I'm still going to kill whoever did this."

"No, Sir," Vaggie said with a frown. "With respect, WE are. All of us."

Lucifer looked around and saw no objections, only very angry looks. "Alright, I guess that's-"

"I have my cleaning pack."

"AH!!" Sir Pentious screamed jumping away from where he had been, as Nifty had somehow come to be standing beside him.

"Nifty? What did you.....?" Vaggie trailed off as they all took in Nifty.

Her eyelid was drooped a bit, her face stuck in a frown, and there was a suspiciously normal-looking backpack on her person now.

"Oh, haven't seen that in a while, "Alastor noted. "You Majesty, if you run out of ideas, please just allow Nifty to do her work. It is quite...inspiring if you don't mind not eating."

Lucifer stared at the small sinner and could only smile. It wasn't a good smile.

Well, if Charlie's friends wanted to help, who was he to say no?

But first...

"Tomorrow. Tonight I...I need to bury her," Lucifer said quietly. "Even if we'll see her again, soon, that is.....that is still the body of the girl I helped raise, and I-"

"Big man? You don't got to explain shit," Angel Dust said. "This is...all fucked up and we get it."

Lucifer nodded in thanks. His mind was still spinning, but it also felt spent.

How was he even going to tell Lilith any of this whenever she returned?

Notes:

Okay, full honesty? If I make this a full fic, it's probably going to be more comedic than anything. But the general premise would be the same.

The real title is the "The Murder and Afterlife of Charlie Morningstar" and meant to be two stories at once- one is Charlie getting a tour through Heaven via Adam, allowing Charlie to see what he's like when dealing with a winner instead of a sinner. The other half would be a murder mystery of Lucifer trying to figure out who killed his daughter.

But yeah, Charlie gets into heaven due to the clusterfuck of her technically being "alive" and not actually a demon. Adam drops the cursing for the most part because Charlie is of Heaven now and he is legitimately concerned about her now- and this is a clusterfuck on EVERYONES part.

Chapter 7: Back to Eden

Back to Eden AKA Lilith and Adam have a long overdue talk.

The Queen of Hell and the First Man.

The first failed couple, more like.

Adam was surprised by just how....involatile he was to be sitting across from her in this meeting room.

He probably would be more wrathful if Lucifer in all his smug, paradise-wrecking shitself was here.

"If we're done," Adam said as he stood to leave, glad to be done with this.

"Adam."

Something burned in his chest. She said his name just like she used to, back in Eden. And he didn't want to think about that. She didn't GET to make him think about that.

"What now, you fucking w-"

"I'm sorry."

Adam stopped. Stopped speaking, stopped moving, and even stopped thinking. Just letting that echo in his head.

There were a few things that, after ten thousand years, were basically immutable in Adam's mind.

He never gets to fully regain what he lost in Eden.

Lucifer never fixes or makes up for any of his fuck ups.

Lilith never apologizes for anything she does.

Adam turned to look at her.

Lilith. Beautiful, graceful, sensual, horned, demonic Lilith.

Her purple eyes were so regal that the color was imprinted into humanity as the color of royalty.

And for the first time he had ever known her, those indomitable eyes were downcast and her noble brow tipped.

This was either a trick, and it might be, or something big had happened when he wasn't looking.

Against any ounce of wisdom he had, he sat down and listened.

"I'm not sorry for being in love Lucifer," she said, more as a preface than anything. "I'm not sorry for not being in love with you."

Adam glared at her warningly, beginning to wonder why he expected anything-

"But I am so sorry I ever made you think I hated you."

Adam stared for a moment, trying to decipher that. "Am I supposed to feel happy knowing you felt NOTHING at all for me, Lilith?"

"No, Adam," Lilith sighed deeply, the ages falling on her briefly. "I wasn't in love with you, but I did love you. How could I not? We both knew each other entirely. We just...neither we nor the angels understood the love they had given us wasn't that of lovers."

"You fucking telling me you're here with your tits in a twist because you loved me like a brother?" Adam asked bluntly.

Lilith rolled her eyes. "Are you going to get your "balls in a knot" if I say yes?" she retorted.

"Nope," Adam said bitterly. "Also doesn't mean shit."

"Doesn't it?" Lilith asked knowingly. "This...everything for the last ten thousand years was because none of us in Eden really...talked about what was bothering us. Lucifer felt pushed aside by his siblings, I felt controlled and limited-"

"Okay, stop. That," Adam cut in, pointing at her. "I've heard that story float around Hell. The FUCK did I do to warrant that?"

Lilith sighed. "I don't know. I can't remember clearly if it was you, or so much what you represented. The order and limitation I felt the Angels imposed on us. Like they were keeping us docile in a cage. You were....better at understanding them and their intentions when we first started. And it seemed like you never wanted to hear my thoughts on things. It felt like the Angels favored you, wanted me to be like you and not....me."

Adam let the silence fill the room. "I have an eidetic memory."

The unflappable Lilith found herself flapped, looking surprised by that. "You do?"

"I thought everyone fucking did. I didn't know what people meant by being "not able to remember" for the longest time," Adam explained.

"And?" Lilith asked.

Adam glanced away. "I wasn't trying to control you," he said hotly. "Lilith, I don't know if I was ever in love with you, but I was in love with the idea. Of being with you, supporting you, helping you figure shit out. When you suggested another way, I wasn't fucking shutting you down, I thought you just didn't know what the angels meant. I was trying to help your ass because I thought you needed help. I didn't think you were weak, stupid, or whatever fucking bull you filled your head with me about. I thought you were LEARNNIG and I just caught on faster. Cause, you know, I was older."

"By two hours," Lilith said with amusement.

"Hey, you know very fucking well that an Eden hour was like a month on Earth!" Adam refuted, though not as hotly. "I was....you were the only other fucking human in the entire reality, Lilith. Everything was perfect for me, and I WANTED To help make things perfect for you! But you kept getting angry, and running off."

"And then I met Lucifer," Lilith said with a sigh. "I don't regret falling in love with him. I just wish it had been....another time, other circumstances."

Adam raised an eyebrow behind his mask. "Okay, we're doing this, so I guess spill. What's the big regret in your romance?"

Lilith gave him a slightly annoyed look. "We would have always fallen for each other. I believe that. But we fell for each other at our lowest points, and we validated the worst things we felt. My resentment to you and our existence. His feeling of being shunned by the others."

"They weren't shunning his ass," Adam said with an eye roll. "They just wanted to finish the fucking foundation of Creation while he was already planning on the window dressing."

"...Window dressing?" Lilith repeated, finding the comparison amusing.

"Honestly don't even know what that shit is," Adam waved off. "So you were just too poor fuckers who thought they were alone despite all of creation loving you both."

Lilith opened her mouth before closing it. "You....don't sound angry about putting it like that."

"Lilith? You're allowed to feel however you fucking want. What you fucking do with that feeling is the bigger concern," Adam said with a pointed look.

Lilith opened her mouth before closing it. "Would you believe it if you honestly believed we thought it was for the best? That not only Eve, but you would be happy with it?"

"...You ever had a period?" Adam asked flatly.

"I....what?" Lilith said with a furrowed brow. "Is this the lead-up to a joke?" Adam didn't respond. "A few times. I was cursed into mortal form for a few years once, with all that entailed."

Adam nodded. "Sucks, right? Freaked me the fuck out when my first daughter had her first."

Lilith raised an eyebrow. "But not Eve's?"

Adam sighed. "After the Fall, we felt like our.....souls were bleeding."

Lilith starred.

"It was a constant fucking thing, but you could almost ignore it most days. We just thought Eve got a fucking physical version of it because she ate the first bite. Hell, maybe she did and it just became part of the curse of being thrown out of Eden. Never fucking figured that out. Just that it didn't stop until I died and got back to Heaven."

"I.....I'm sorry," Lilith said sincerely.

"Lilith, I never blamed you for the fall. I blamed you for everything after," Adam said in annoyance. "Lucifer fucking should have known better. You thought we were pets in a cage. Me? I knew what we were. Kids in a playpen. And I was fine with that. Fine just...enjoying everything, steadying growing into being among the angels."

"And I just hated feeling lesser than them, and that you made me feel like you thought I was lesser than you," Lilith concluded.

'"....Why did you come back?" Adam asked with a sigh. "Lucifer could show you anything and everything you wanted, help you become all you wanted. Why the fuck did you come back when I was happy, and yes, in love with Eve."

Lilith's eyes harden just a bit. "Well, I couldn't help noticing your New Wife was a bit....different. Didn't talk back, listen to whatever you told her to do, eager to hang on to your every word. I might have overreacted, but it was obvious that they made Eve to be everything I wasn't to you. Quiet, submissive, and doc-"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Of all things to happen, Lilith didn't expect Adam to start laughing his ass off, holding his gut as he fell off his chair with a thud. "Adam?" she called when it went silent. "You okay?"

"Peachy!" Adam said as he reached up to give her a thumbs up before pulling himself up. "Ha! I was hoping you thought that!"

"I'm...sorry, you wanted me to think you used to be a patriarchal pig that looked down on women?" Lilith asked quizzically.

"I'm only a patriarch in that I was the fucking head of the family. They don't talk about her, but one of my granddaughters took over for Seth after he died," Adam mused with a smirk. "But yeah, that is absolutely hilarious, because Eve isn't based on you at all! Not even as what not to be!"

Lilith blinked, stroking her chin. "Very well, enlighten me. What inspired Eve's submissive nature?"

"Your husband."

Lilith almost fell off the table now, nearly hitting her horns. In fact, on that note, she retracted them. "Explain, now?" she all but demanded as her horns shrunk away.

"Lilith? The angels were NOT idiots. They knew they messed up with the kind of love they tried to conjure between us when we were sculpted. And they wanted to make sure they got it right this time. And they no had an example of a romantic couple," Adam said with a truly shit-eating grin.

"No...." Lilith whispered in disbelief. "You mean, they....?"

"They watched how you two fuckers acted around each other and assumed that a coupling always has one partner being the one leading the relationship and the other being the more supportive one. And since we didn't mesh, they figured we were both the same way and figured they needed to base a female human on how Lucifer acted to you. You know, hanging on your every word, going along with everything you did, and doting on you."

Lilith sat there in shock. "Please, please tell me you're just trying to mess with me."

"Nope," Adam said with a cackle. "Oh, I've waited millennia to tell you that! So, yeah, if you think Eve was docile, submissive to me? Take a long look at your husband, bitch!"

Lilith took a deep breath. "Fuck," she said, shaking her head. "Eve...was afraid of being replaced."

"I know," Adam said with a frown. "I don't think that could be helped after she learned about you. That's why she gave me the apple. She was afraid of losing me after what she had done. Of being alone, or worse."

Lilith blinked, then again. "Wait, she....told you that? And you forgave her?"

Adam frowned at her. "Do you think I cared so little for her that betraying me changed anything?"

".....You're very good at making others feel like absolute shit, you know that, right?" Lilith asked with a sigh. "What about you, Adam? Was there anything that spoiled Eden for you, even before the Fall?"

Adam snorted. "You wouldn't fucking believe me if I told you."

Lilith gave him a skeptical look. "Try me."

Adam rolled his eyes. "I hated that I was the only one enjoying it."

"..." Lilith sighed deeply."

"Why the fuck did you wait ten thousand years to say this?" Adam asked tiredly, looking up at the ceiling.

Lilith snorted quietly. "It's not like Heaven was taking messages from us back then, Adam. We are, after all, the most hated beings in Creation."

"Yeah, but we've had the embassy for thousands of years. Why now?" Adam asked again.

".....I have a child, Adam."

"Yeah, duh. I heard about that centuries ago," Adam said pointedly. "What's the fucking point-"

"Adam. I have a child. I'm raising her in Hell. We live in the Pride Ring," Lilith stressed with a glare that was begging him to think and understand.

Adam's eyes widened minutely, but then he just frowned. "You fucking serious?"

Lilith nodded. "Yes, Adam. I put my baby to sleep one night and looked outside. It was only then I realized.....what I had done to you, and your children, and theirs, and so on," she admitted, tongue heavy with regret. 

Adam clenched his fist tightly on the table.

"You and Eve had to raise numerous children without powers or protection, only yourselves against all the cruelty of nature turned against you. To have death always creeping at your back. I have nightmares some nights of waking up to find Charlie taken away by some sinner or demon, and I am suddenly just a human without powers to protect her. I've taken precautions, of course, made defenses, but-"

"It doesn't fucking matter because you know one fuck up and she'll be gone," Adam said, taking a breath.

He slammed his hand on the table.

Lilith didn't flinch but she didn't watch him intently.

"I can't imagine how much you must hate us," Lilith admitted apologetically. "If could take it all back...."

Adam snorted. "You know what I wished for the longest time?" Adam asked rhetorically. "That you and Lucifer got thrown down to Earth with us. Stuff Morningshit into a human form. Make you both have to help us deal with the mess of living in that shithole Earth use to be."

"....." Lilith smiled. "I might have liked that."

"Lucifuck watches the cave, I do the hunting, you fish, Eve finds the good shrooms and fruits," Adam mused.

"You know we'd come back and he'd have painted the entire ceiling with something that glows in the dark," Lilith pointed out.

'And you know I'd be sneaking the herbs into his food to give him burning shits, right?" Adam countered with a smirk.

"You are so petty," Lilith said with amusement. ".....When we made it a rule you could kill only Sinners? We were bluffing."

Adam looked at her with a frown.

"We thought you'd give up on the extermination clause of the treaty," Lilith answered.

"That something else you realize from being a fucking parent?" Adam asked dryly.

"That we forced you into a situation where you had to cull your own children to protect the ones you felt you could save? Yes, Adam, I did," Lilith answered. "Tell me, honestly, how much of my guilt do you want me to admit?"

"I don't know," Adam answered with a frown. "I don't know what to do with....this. Hating you two has just been a natural state of mine. Hell, you were the whole reason I gave up the Sinners."

Lilith furrowed her brow. "...What?"

"You were two of the greatest people I ever met," Adam said without hesitation. "If you couldn't claw your way out of that pit, and only sink lower, what fucking chance did my descendants have?"

"Adam? The angels said we were damned forever," Lilith reminded.

"And you two are the king and queen of listening to the angels," Adam reminded sarcastically.

"....My daughter has this crazy dream to one day make a place to redeem sinners o they can go to Heaven," Lilith informed with a smile.

Adam gave her a look. "Sounds stupid as shit."

"Maybe, maybe not," Lilith said with a shrug. "....Adam?"

"Hm?"

"If anything happens to me and Lucifer? If all of Hell turns against us? I want my daughter to be safe," Lilith said solemnly. "And I don't exactly have those I trust outside of Hell."

"That is a tall as fuck order, Lilith, especially since we started this meeting with me hating your guts," Adam pointed out. "What do you want me to do, keep her like some little hellborn pet?"

Lilith paused. "Well, she does take after her father."

Adam nearly fell out of his chair. "The fuck, Lilith?!" he said in shock.

Lilith chuckled. "I'm joking. Mostly. Granted, if my daughter ends up in that relationship by her own desire, I wouldn't shame her for it."

"Okay, serious talk? I protect your kid in the worst-case scenario. Be that taking her to heaven or something else. What are you offering in exchange?"

Lilith held his gaze. "I'll be everything I thought you wanted me to be."

"Right answer for a parent," Adam said with a smirk. "Also hot. Like hot as fuck. Between that and the pet play talk?"

"You're thinking of me on a leash, aren't you?" Lilith predicted.

"You put that image in my head, bitch!" Adam said with a grin. "But....yeah. Not going to make you do shit. Wouldn't even think about it unless you were leaving Lucicunt anyway. But I'll try to protect your kid if shit goes sideways for you. I doubt it, it's been ten thousand years."

Lilith nodded in gratitude. "And Adam? If you somehow manage to fall after nine thousand years, we'll always have a room for you."

Adam should feel insulted by the idea. From anyone else, he would be. "It'd almost be worth it to see the look on his face when you invite me in."

"You say that like he doesn't miss you too," Lilith said with a smirk.

".....Please tell me he doesn't want to fuck me," Adam deadpanned. "I already checked, I'm definitely straight."

"Always back to sex with you," Lilith mocked lightly. "No, nothing like that. It's like you said, all of creation once loved us. And Lucifer once loved all of creation, including you."

Adam hummed. "I doubt any shit will change, but if any fuckers are going to prove me wrong, it'll be your damn family. It's what you clowns do best."

Lilith didn't argue that point. "So, before we leave, do you really make your Exorcists ladies call you Dickmaster of all things?"

"Make?"

Lilith chuckled at that in amusement.

"Always did want to make you laugh, Lilly," Adam murmured to himself.

Lilith smiled at the old nickname.

Notes:

The title is a reference to a song called "Back to Eden" as this premise is in many ways a non-romantic version of that song's theme.

So, yeah, this is my first time writing Lilith with lines and this is what I went with. I'm of the opinion that the real problem between these two is that they were too similar yet different. Both of them were more leader-orientated, but Lilith was ambitious while Adam was continent with Eden. Basically, they were both tops.

Meanwhile, yes, I had the hilarious idea that the Angels based Eve on LUCIFER via watching how he treated Lilith and molded Eve after that. It wasn't to make her submissive and obedient. She and Adam just had a soft dom/sub relationship, similar to how Lilith and Lucifer are in many ways.

But yeah, Adam and Lilith have a LONG overdue talk about everything. I like the idea that Lilith did love Adam, just not in love with him. Adam hates them because, well, intentionally or not, they ruined his entire existence to the genetic level. Not easy to brush that off.

Ultimately, there was no true villain in Eden this time. Just four people who probably should have communicated more and listened better.

Didn't make any real indicator of when this happened beyond Charlie being born. Could be when she's young in the 1800s, or maybe this is what happened instead of whatever deal they made in canon seven years ago.

Chapter 8: Hazbin from Eden

A Hazbin from Eden AKA Adam decides to stay at the Hotel, before Charlie even meets him.

Charlie Morningstar stretched her arms as she prepared for a brand new day in her hotel, and it was in a much better state now! Thanks mostly...or entirely to Alastor. Everything was repaired and cleaned up with Nifty's help. Not to mention Husker was manning their bar now. Now if only she could convince Alastor to change the name back to the Happy Hotel.

All ready for any new guests they could get! Any! Any at all!

....She just hoped they got some more soon. Angel Dust was nice, but one actual guest was just a start.

As if answering her worried, a knock was at the door.

"I got it!" Charlie called, racing over to the door a bit too over eagerly. Brimming with enthusiasm, she opened the door. "Hello, welcome to-!"

She froze and was immediately reminded of her first meeting with Alastor days ago. Once again, she was staring up at a shocking figure who was much taller than her.

It was an angel. A literal, actual angel. Not even an exorcist! He had a large white robe and...she wasn't sure if it was a mask or a face, but it looked like a black surface with bright yellow lights imitating eyes and a sharp-tooth mouth. And holy shit, his wings were massive, golden, and glowing, and she reallllly wanted to touch them!

He was also causally sipping a drink through a straw. Making it was his face? He held up his hands with two fingers in greeting. "Sup!"

On instinct, she slammed the door closed in disbelief. Was she hallucinating? Was her meeting with Alastor giving her weird dreams?

She pulled the door open again, and the angel was still standing there, sipping his drink again. "Yo!"

Charlie slammed it again and felt very rude about it now, but what the fuck!?

"Something wrong, Charlie?" Vaggie asked curiously as she approached the door.

"There's....an angel at the door," Charlie informed, utterly lost.

"What?! An exorcist!?" Vaggie asked in extreme alarm.

"No! Not an exorcist! I don't know what a regular angel might look like, but he wasn't that. I think it was a he?" Charlie said.

"Oh," Vaggie said, calming down, but now very lost. "That's...strange."

"I know, right? But maybe it's a good thing? Maybe Heaven heard about my hotel and wanted to talk about it, or something?" Charlie said, hopeful but even she wasn't certain.

"I don't know, babe, I really don't know, "Vaggie answered. "I guess it couldn't hurt to....talk to him?"

"Right, right, think positive. And try to undo that horrible first impression!" Charlie said to herself before opening the door.

Drink finished, the angel now looked annoyed. "Door is fucking coming down if you do that shit again," he warned flatly.

Vaggie's mouth was opened, silently screaming, but Charlie didn't notice. "Sorry, sorry! I just was....a bit overwhelmed! I didn't expect to meet an angel when I woke up today," Charlie apologized.

"No big, I get it. You're not expecting to see angelic fucks if it's not E-Day," he waved off unconcerned. "This is the right place, right? You guys go through a rebranding?"

"Something like that," Charlie answered sheepishly. "May I ask what I can do for you, Sir?"

"Yeah, it cool if I crash here?" he asked casually.

"What? You?!" Vaggie asked in shock.

He looked at her and didn't even blink. "Don't get your panties twisted, Vaggisarus."

Vaggie froze as Charlie tilted her head. "That was a bit rude, but how did you know my girlfriend's name?"

"I can see true names," he answered without missing a beat. "Charlie Magne Morningstar? Really?"

"What, what's wrong with my name?" Charlie asked with a frown.

"Charlamagne?" the angel pointed out. "You know who that is?"

Charlie tilted her head. "Should I?"

"Eh, I guess not. Famous king on earth. Not sure why the fuck your parents threw that pun in there. That fuck is actually in Heaven with his brother," the angel explained.

"Huh. So cursing isn't a sin?" Charlie asked.

"Nah. I mean, the modern asshats in Heaven would rather you not, but fuck'em," he mused. "What in down here were we talking about again?"

"You want to stay at the hotel?" Charlie answered, questioningly. "For...some reason?"

"I'm taking a vacation from my job in Heaven. Heard about this place, thought it'd be interesting to come and fucking see," he answered.

Charlie grimaced. "No offense, but I already have someone sketchy as fuck here who's helping because he thinks it'll be amusing to watch my guests fail."

"Sounds like a fucking asshole," the angel mused. "As for me? I mean, yes, I fucking think this shit will fail, but that's not where my amusement comes from."

".....Okay, I'll bite, what does?" Charlie asked curiously.

"I want to see what sinners do when they're not trying to be absolute pieces of garbage. And, you know, how a Princess of Hell plans to even fucking try," he answered.

"Yeah, no," Vaggie said, arms crossed. "This place is for sinners trying to improve themselves, but a fucking zoo for you to gawk and throw popcorn at them."

The angel shrugged. "I can pay for the room, and I can take care of my own fucking food."

"We don't make people pay to stay here, "Charlie informed.

"I didn't say paying in cash," he answered with a smirk. "I got a few favors I can do to pay for staying here. For one, I can play a mean guitar if you need help with the music."

"Hmm, that might help some," Charlie said in consideration.

"I can also make this place a No-Extermination zone," he added casually.

"That would also....." Charlie trailed off. "What?"

"You let me stay, I can label this place an E-Day Exempted Property or whatever label you want to put on it," he explained as if he was offering her a ride downtown.

Vaggie could only stare in disbelief, not just at the offer, but at who it came from.

Charlie, meanwhile, had the widest and most hopeful eyes. "You'd really do that?"

"As long as they don't fuck with you, me, or this hotel? Any fucker living here is safe on E-Day," he assured.

Vaggie blinked out of her stun and held up her hand. "Wait a min-!"

"Done! Happy to have you here! I hope I can convince you of this dream of mine!" Charlie said as she led him into the hotel.

"Wait, Charlie....!" Vaggie hissed as she chased after them.

"Everyone!" Charlie called out to the room. Angel Dust and Husk were already here, thankfully. Alastor stepped out of a shadow as he was want to do, while Nifty popped up from behind the couch despite Charlie being sure she wasn't there moments ago. "We have a new, special guest. An Angel from Heaven."

"No fucking way, the real deal?" Angel Dust asked in amusement.

"Oh, definitely not a bad boy," Nifty said with a pout.

"Huh. Never thought I'd see one that wasn't trying to kill me," Husk remarked, surprised by the novelty of it all.

"My, it seems we are already attracting the most interesting of guests!" Alastor said with a grin, sticking out his hand. "A pleasure to meet you, Good Sir!"

The angel smirked as he reached out and took the hand firmly. "Sure thing, Alastor."

"Oh, you've heard of me?" Alastor asked with a wider grin, eyes narrow at the very...very firm grip and the power he sensed under the skin.

"Should I have?" he asked flatly, letting the hand go.

"Oh, no, he can see our names," Charlie said before blinking. "I'm sorry, I just realized I never got your name. Could you introduce yourself please?"

"Sure thing, Princess," he said with a smirk. "My name is Adam. The First Man, Father of Humanity. Nice to fucking meet you, assholes."

Silence came over the room.

"Oh, he IS a bad boy!" Nifty said with a wide.

"The best and baddest," Adam said with a smirk at the small sinner.

"I'm sorry....what did you just say?" Charlie said with wide eyes. "You're Adam? THE Adam?"

"Literally just fucking said that," Adam said with a nod.

Charlie was still trying hard to process that. "So, that would make you my-"

"Bitch, you better not call me your mom's ex," Adam said pointedly.

"Sorry, sorry! Just....very shocked here!" Charlie said quickly, starting to wonder if this was a bad idea."

"Oh, well, fuuuuck me," Angel Dust said. "The OG Cock himself. Nice to meet you, sweetie."

Adam looked at the porn star with a raised eyebrow. "First off, just warning you? I'm straight. Trust me, pricks hotter than you have tried."

"Poo," Angel Dust said with a pout. "Well, the first one is free for you stud, if you change your mind."

"But just because it's bugging me, is your fluffy chest natural or did you make it look like tits?" Adam asked curiously.

"Oh, you like to look at least, "Angel teased. "Yeah, it's natural. Have to work to keep it sometimes."

"Neat. Also fucking gross, because I can damn well guess that means cleaning the spunk out," Adam predicted.

"Oh yeah, that's a bitch if you don't get it all," Angel confirmed.

"What the fuck is a high-halo asshole like yourself doing down here?" Husk asked with a frown. "Shouldn't you be sipping martinis on some heavenly beach, surrounded by angel women?"

"Eh, I still have a job in heaven. Mainly a voluntary thing, but I needed to take a vacation," Adam explained. "Heard about this pipedream and wanted to see what Lucifuck's daughter can do with this redemption shit."

Charlie frowned. "Do you have to call him that?"

"Yep," Adam answered.

"Well, this certainly makes things more interesting," Alastor said in amusement. "Tell me, then, First of Men? Have you ever seen anyone redeemed from these cheerless depths?"

'Not a one. Trust me, I looked, "Adam said flatly. "But Lucicunt and Lilith had a habit of breaking all the rules. I'm seeing if Charlemagne here can do something good with that family talent."

Charlie wasn't completely sure how to take that comment. "Would you be at least happy if it turned out to be right?"

"Oh yeah. Also kind of pissed, because we needed that nine thousand years ago," Adam answered casually.

Vaggie watched the exchange with trepidation, afraid to bring Adam's attention back on her. There was no way he didn't recognize her, was there? She could try to pretend otherwise, but he knew her name and even said it the same way as he always did. He apparently also could see true names? She never knew that before, but Adam didn't say much despite all the talking he did.

Which meant the moment she tried to say anything against him being here, he could drop her true identity on Charlie and everyone like a lead balloon.

But what the hell was the Leader of the Exorcists doing taking a vacation in Charlie's hotel?!

"Oh, I just remembered!" Charlie said with a smile. "As he is not a sinner, Adam has agreed to use his connection in Heaven to make the Hotel a no-Extermination zone."

Right, and that. Since when did Adam, ADAM, allow for exceptions from the Exterminations? Besides the treaty at least? Because the last time someone tried to "exempt someone from the exterminations, that 'someone' lost her wings and her eye and was left to rot-

She shook her head and tried not to think about it. She'd worry about Adam and threaten him later. Which might get her killed, but she wasn't going to let him take a piss on Charlie's dream.

Notes:

All I can say is.....how the FUCK has no one had this idea yet? Adam and Alastor both have similar enough energy that you can easily give him a similar introduction in an AU, if not full out which Alastor with Adam. Granted, taking away Alastor gets rid of Husker and Nifty as well, but still!

Anyway, yeah, Adam is at the hotel for some reason or another. Like Alastor, he says it is for his own amusmeen.t Like Alastor, that is probably bullshit. Still, his undecided motives doesn't detract from the fact that the First Man is in the Hotel. Not as an enemy, captive, or even a sinner. He's basically a fucking sponsor getting a free room!

Also, yes, Adam didn't mention he was the Leader of the Exorcists. I'll be honest, for this oneshot, he just assumed Charlie already knew the identity of the Leader of the Exorcists, as he assumed her parents would have mentioned that, given that his job conflicts with Charlie's dream.

This would all lead to a lot of interesting things. Oh, the moment Lucifer visits and sees Adam, who has been there for over a month by that point. Which makes Adam deeply question Lucifer's parenting skills.

Also, yes, I am convinced that in any setting where Adam isn't the villain, and even than, Angel Dust is going to at least ask if he can have a ride. Just on the principle of getting the OG Dick. Which Adam respects and appreciates, because it's Adam, but declines due to being straight.

Anyway, that's it for now.

Chapter 9: Cuntqueen Cometh

The Cuntqueen Cometh AKA "Oh, don't mind me, but fear my wife."

"Well, your first wife didn't seem to mind what I had to offer," Lucifer mocked as he flew through the air, dodging Adam's attack with little effort. "Or the second~" he added in, looking directly at Adam.

The First Man's rage grew from frustration to pure rage.

Lucifer couldn't resist a final taunt. "Bow chicka wow-" 

"BITCH SAYS WHAT!"

The exact instant Lucifer heard this, he felt a foot slam down on his head, sending him crashing down to the roof, cracking it.

"Dad!" Charlie exclaimed in worry.

"I'm okay, sweetie!" Lucifer said, giving her the thumbs up before pulling himself up. "That voice though...," he said, looking up to the new arrival, as did Charlie.

The new angel looked very similar to Adam, even having the same kind of helmet. But it was clearly a female with a more form-fitting robe. Everything- from the lights of the mask to the large glowing wings, to the accessories of her outfits- was blue instead of gold. Her robs were a bit more of a dull pink than fully white, a strip down the front like a loin cloth. And instead of an 'A,' there was a stylized 'E' on her chest.

"Is she....?" Charlie said slowly.

"Oh fuck," Lute and Vaggie both said in sheer disbelief.

"Who the fuck is that?" Angel Dust murmured.

"Eve, babe!? The fuck you doing here?" Adam asked in surprise.

"Addy, Honey, did you try to solo a seraphim?" Eve asked with concern and disapproval, flying over to rub some dirt off his face.

"I...might not have thought it through," Adam admitted with a wince. "But seriously, you're not supposed to be here, the treaty-"

"The Loose Duck already fucked up, Addy," Eve said with a wide grin, just like her husband. "Don't worry, your dear wife came prepared for this reunion."

"If you two are done?" Lucifer called up. "Been a while, Eve. Still settling for this sad reject of creation.

"Oh, hi, Lucifer!" Eve greeted, suddenly dive-bombing down to land in front of Lucifer. She was smaller than Adam, but she was still very tall. "Imitate anyone else's husband's lately? Or did you just sweet talk them like you did Lily? Oh, oh! Did your balls grow back after I fucking took them, you prick!?"

"They did, thank you," Lucifer said with a wide grin.

"Dad, is that....?" Charlie asked. She wasn't sure why she was surprised after Adam, but she was.

Lucifer nodded, never taking his eyes off Eve. "Eve. Adam's second-"

"Only," Eve interrupted coldly. "Your whore never sealed the deal. I'm Adam's, she's yours," she said before her smile went cold. "Or she was? I heard you two had a little spat. Oh, did Lily FINALLY outgrow her thing for bad boys? Oh, I'm so proud of her. She was even responsible enough to wait until her daughter was all grown up."

"That's not-!" Charlie spoke up, glaring at the First Woman.

She was interrupted by a beam of light that struck between her and her father. "Hey! Stay out of this, Princess! The adults are fucking catching up!" Adam barked from up top.

Lucifer glared, first at Adam and then at Eve. It was less potent than he would have liked. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Maybe, maybe not. I don't really care," Eve said whimsically, straightening some of her azure feathers. "What I do know is that you broke the treaty."

"Pfft. Nice. Your husband broke the treaty. You know, trying to kill my daughter?" Lucifer reminded with a snort.

"Right, right. The daughter that just, ohh, rallied an army of man-eating sinners and gave them Weapons That Kill Angels," Eve reminded venomously.

"I only did that because HE said he was going to attack the hotel and kill everyone here!" Charlie yelled.

"News flash, Princess! Your hotel is fair game," Adam called down. "I was just going to kill your shitty friends in the hotel. You were obviously off the fucking table."

"Then what do you call holding her by the throat!?" Lucifer yelled up.

He found a blue-coated angelic blade just inches from his face. He was intimidated, but he gave Eve his attention again. "No, no, you don't get to fuck with Adam anymore," Eve said in an almost scolding tone. "Now, again. You broke the treaty. Honestly, your daughter broke it first. Your daughter was protected right until she started to try to kill our girls."

Lucifer shrugged. "Well, regardless of who started it, I'm not FUCKING LETTING YOU HURT MY DAUGHTER!" he snapped, eyes glowing and horns sprouting. "In Case Your Forgot, Eve, You're Both In MY HOUSE NOW!"

Eve just tilted her head. "And what about when it was you in our house, Lucifer? When it was our children?" Eve asked, her tone soft. "Are you even the slightest bit sorry? Are we just some villains in your story to make you feel better about your mistakes?"

"Dad, what is she talking about....?" Charlie called out.

Lucifer said nothing, letting his demonic visage fade away, a bitter look on his face. "Just take your friends, your husband, and leave."

Eve hummed thoughtfully. "You know, I might have taken that offer. Buuuuut, you hurt Addy. And I never intend to let you get away with that again, Loose Fuck.  But even more importantly, again, a lot of our girls are dead. Soooooo," Eve trailed off, flipping her dagger over to reveal a button.

Lucifer blinked just before she pressed it.

The devil started in shock, stumbling back as his wings receded.

"Dad! What's wrong?!" Charlie exclaimed in concern.

"What did you just do to me?" Lucifer asked with a confused frown, holding up his hand to try and fail to conjure a flame or a light or anything.

"Well, I got so tired of you and your ilk dragging us down to your level, I thought it was time to drag you down to ours," Eve said with a cruel smile. "It'll only last for an hour. Or until you'd almost die, whichever comes first."

"What? How is that possible?" Charlie said in disbelief.

"Didn't you know? I'm not just the Recruiter for the Exorcists, I'm also pretty big in Heaven's R&D sector," Eve said with a giggle. 

"But when did you-!?" Lucifer stopped and realized the answer. "You put it on me when kicked me, didn't you? You've really gotten crafty, eh Eve?"

"Just putting allllllll you dumped into my head to good use! Now, let's have a chat, Charlotte, woman to woman," Eve said, walking around the devil like he was a minor annoyance.

"Hey, you stay-" Lucifer called out as he moved to stop her.

That was until Adam landed directly behind him, looming over him like an ominous shadow. Lucifer looked up and blinked as he saw Adam's own wings receding.

"Oh, don't worry, I gave one to Adam too," Eve said with a grin. "But he can remove his whenever he wants. Have fun, boys."

Adam smirked, cracking his knuckles. "Lucifuck, this just turned into David vs Goliath, and you have no fucking sling."

Lucifer grimaced, knowing he was about to take a beat and had a very limited idea of how to fight as a human properly. As it was, he was now no better than a short and probably undersized human, while Adam was back to the prime of his mortal life, with all that came with being an antediluvian.

Charlie, meanwhile, held up her trident and aimed it at Eve menacingly. "Stay back! I will fight you! And don't even try to put one of those on me!" Charlie said warningly.

Eve stopped and looked thoughtful. "Would you like to see a magic trick?"

"I....no?" Charlie answered uncertainly. Adam was eccentric, but this woman might just be insane.

"Too bad!" Eve declared, reaching behind the strip over the nether region of her clothes.

Charlie watched in disturbed fascination as Eve pulled a rather large sphere out. "Was..was that in your....?"

Eve just tilted her head. "Oh, that wasn't the magic trick," she said, letting the grey ball out of her hand.

It shattered like glass, releasing a rather large pulse of golden dust that rushed over the entire area of the hotel rapidly.

"What...what that?" Charlie asked in alarm, wincing as she saw her father being pummeled and thrown around by Adam.

"Your hopes of victory, vanishing like magic," Eve said with a happy hum. "You know, I always thought the Angelic Steel would be a problem. But I just figured you'd be using them for defensive tools. I didn't really think demons could kill angels with it. Still, I made that little gas just in case"

Charlie looked over the edge of the hotel and realized that the angels were definitely winning now. Not very quickly, but still.

"All angelic steel in the area just rusted into nothing," Eve informed with a grin. "We'll deal with the rest soon enough."

Charlie growled as she rounded on Eve. "Why?! No! How!? How can you be a part of this!? You're Eve! The First Mother! The one who my parents gave the fruit, to give you free will! How can you support the Extermination of Human souls!? How can you stay with an egotistical pig like HIM! After everything he did to you and my Mother!?"

"You know, you say "egotistical" and "everything he did" about us and Lily, and all I think of is Loose Fuck over there," Eve said, looking back over at the one-sided fight. "Looking good, Honey! Pound his ass! Wait, fuck, that's a euphemism now! Why must everything be a sex pun now?!"

Charlie took the opening, rushing at Eve with her trident raised.

Eve looked back at her skeptically, raising her dagger to lock between two of the points of the trident, pushing it to the side. She then slapped Charlie aside with one wing, nearly knocking her off the side of the building. "You know, I'm not some dainty housewife. Sure, Adam took the lead, but I very much hunted and killed primordial beasts with him back in the day."

"Then why!?" Charlie gritted out. "Why are you....serving him!?"

"Oh, no, a word implying I'm submissive!" Eve said dramatically, hand to her heart. "Now I must realize my own empowerment, turn against the man I've known since the dawn of time, and join your clearly noble cause."

Charlie was hopeful, but she wasn't that stupid. She knew she was being mocked.

"Yes, I 'serve' Adam if you insist on calling it that. I love him, support him, and love supporting him."

"Even if he's killing your descendants?!" Charlie retorted.

"Should I do nothing? Leave them to rot and fester? To either suffer for eternity in the tender mercy of the Morningstars or become true demons that will try to threaten Heaven? Heaven, filled with the children who made it? The ones who could be saved, and did everything right?"

"Has Adam twisted you so far that you can't even consider the possibility of redeeming a soul from Hell!?" Charlie snapped.

Eve went silent. "You are just like your father. Arrogant, as brilliant as you are ignorant. You have a clever idea and don't consider why others might be speaking against it," she said with a sigh. "Do you think, in nine thousand years, we didn't ask? Didn't look? Didn't try? Do you think the first parents really didn't do anything to try and get their children back from the jaws of Hell? That the Angels didn't help us?"

Charlie grew silent as Eve's erratic voice turned solemn and ancient.

"If we seem like monsters, Charlette, it is because what your family has done to ours was monstrous," Eve said in an aged voice. "I appreciate the sentiment though. It is more than your parents ever did or gave."

"My friends-"

"Will be fine," Eve interrupted. "No angelic steel, remember? At most, they'll revive in a few days if we 'kill' them. Your father's pride will be the only thing truly hurt, but that is long overdue. I'm sorry about your pet though. I know what it's like to lose beloved animal companions. Be happy he never turned on you, forcing you to stab him through the brain with his own sabretooth."

That was....very specific. "I....." Charlie cried a bit. "I just wanted to help my people. To save them."

Eve stared at her for a long time. "I believe you. But even if you did....that won't change the last ten thousand years. Nothing will change, I think, so long as Lucifer and Lilith reign over Hell," she tilted her head. "Well, as long as Lucifer reigns over it. Lilith seems to have retired."

Charlie grimaced and looked up-

Eve was right in front of her, holding the dagger. 

Before Charlie could move, the dagger blurred as it cut off one of her horns. "AH!" Charlie screamed.

"Charlie!" Lucifer yelled. Bloody and bruised, arms limp and probably broken, he ran to his daughter's side, getting between Eve and the pained Charlie. Eve made no move to stop him as he physically shielded Charlie. "Take your shit out on me, but leave my daughter out of this!"

"Like you left all of ours out of it?" Adam retorted as he came up behind Eve, placing an arm around her. "Thanks, babe, glad you were watching my back."

"That's what you do when you're in love," Eve said, a bit smugly as she kept Lucifer's gaze. "Addy? The treaty is broken, but Loose Fuck can't be killed that easily. Do you mind if we just go home now? There isn't much more we can do here, and I'd rather you not kill a daughter in front of her father, no matter who it is."

Adam sighed. "Yeah, that beating was enough I guess. You say all you need to say to Lilith's brat?"

Eve nodded, looking at the sobbing princess. "I believe so. Just remember Lucifer. I have had Nine Thousand Years to tinker with things I might one day use on you. So just sit back and let us clean up your mess as best it can be. Like we always do."

"You're a savage cunt sometimes, Babe," Adam said with a smirk, pulling her closer.

"Of course I am! I am your Cuntqueen, my Dickmaster," Eve said suggestively. "Ladies! We're going home! Grab the bodies and let's head back up!"

Lucifer glared as the angels started to fly back up to their heavenly abode. It wasn't until Adam and Eve were out of sight completely that he collapsed to his knees.

"Dad!" Charlie said, one eye closed from the throbbing pain in her head as she moved to support her father.

"I'm fine. Ugh, so this is what being an injured human feels like," Lucifer said with a pained look. "Sorry, honey. I didn't expect...any of that."

Charlie said nothing, looking across the ceiling, seeing Vaggie limping towards them. Her father and her love were alive. She'd have to take those as wins right now.

Meanwhile, the exorcists returned to their base of operation on the outskirts of heaven, piling up the bodies in the training grounds.

"And I thought we were long done with funerals," Adam muttered in disappointment as he watched Lute take up the depressing duty of figuring out who was dead and who survived and who got left behind by accident.

"There's a chance they'll revive. Angelic Steel destroys demons by purifying the taint of Hell. They have no taint, so it might just be a matter of time," Eve said with a sigh. "I'm sorry. This is my fault. I should have figured out this could happen."

"Babe, don't blame yourself for the shit they do. If anything, it's on me and the girls for leaving so much angelic weaponry behind," Adam assured. "If I wasn't so pissed and sad, I'd be fucking you into the wall for that shit you pulled out on Lucicunt."

Eve beamed, wide and wicked, but it was replaced quickly by a scowl as she held up her hand, something in her grasp.

Adam looked down. "Is that...?"

"Her horn," Eve said in a small voice, looking at the piece of Charlie she had cut off and taken back. "I'm thinking about showing it to Lilith."

Adam's eyes softened knowingly. "Do you want to do that?"

"No," Eve said, shaking her head. "No, no mother should do that to another mother. But I'm thinking about it. Adam, I'm really thinking about it. Please, please, Adam-"

Adam placed one hand over the grip she had wrapped around the horn, holding it as his other hand gently pulled the horn away from her. Without another word, Adam tossed it away, destroying it with a blast of holy magic for good measure.

"Thank you, Adam," Eve said with a sniff to her voice. "I hate when that acts up."

"You're good, Eve," Adam promised, resting his head on hers. "You're great, the best. The Queen of Cunts."

"....Do you REALLY want to be called the Master of Dicks?"

"Babe, just shut up and enjoy the moment."

"Hehe, yes, Addy."

Though a sad day, no exorcist interrupted the moment between the First Couple, well used to the way Adam needed to comfort and soothe Eve sometimes.

The Dickmaster and The Cuntqueen, the greatest lovers in all of heaven and the nastiest ones to be enemies of.

Demons should fear a Gentle Lover's Wrath.

Notes:

....Yeah, so, this version of Eve made it to Heaven with Adam, but the Apple.....left a mark. Kind of did on Adam, but Eve's is...nasty. Still, yeah, her and Adam are very much still a couple. Eve herself is the Exorcist Recruiter and does stuff with Heaven's Research and Development sector.

Hope you all enjoyed this. This idea was mainly just because I liked the idea of Eve joining in the fight, and also the idea of Adam and Lucifer both getting nerfed down to human, that would be to Adam's benefit. Lucifer has never NOT had his seraphim powers, being depowered like that would be something he isn't prepared for.

Adam and Eve here are definitely the Power Couple of Heaven. But Eve is just as jaded as Adam and for good reason. Worst part is, she acutally likes Charlie. Would have loved to have met her as an aunt or somthing in another lifetime. She genuinely appreciates the sentiment, just hates that Charlie never stopped to think that NOBODY looked into this before. But yeah, Charlie definitely idealized that story too much, trying to reconcile what her parents told her with this Eve.

For the record, this Eve was inspired by this, albeit recolored.
reddit . com/r/HazbinHotel/comments/1ay6wuf/

PS Well, the comment section seems to have exploded here. You know, when I started a oneshot called "Cuntqueen Cometh" I didn't expect THIS to be the one to spark the big debates in the comments

Chapter 10: Fallen Spy

Fallen Spy  AKA Vaggie has a much different conversation with Lute and Adam in Heaven.

 

"Surprise, Vagasaurus!" Adam declared, bursting through the door  Heaven's  'guests' were currently using.

 

"Charlie will be back soon , you  need to leave," Vaggie said dryly.

 

"Chill, this'll only take a moment. Emy will have her busy for hours," Adam said with a smirk as he and Lute walked in.

 

Vaggie sighed, nodding to Lute, who nodded back. "I see you haven't changed much, Sir."

 

"Bitch, it hasn't even been a decade," Adam said with a snort. "So, how's it going being a spy in Hell?"

 

"Well, Lucifer himself was either too depressed to notice I'm an angel or just didn't care," Vaggie answered with a shrug. "And despite the cannibal Overlord hanging around, it's been well."

 

"I don't think 'well' can ever describe anything in Hell," Lute said with a scuff.

 

"Relatively, Lute, relatively," Vaggie said with an eye-roll.

 

"Right, so, Princess and the Hotel," Adam said, putting his hands together and pointing his fingers at Vaggie. "How full of shit is she?"

 

"None at all," Vaggie answered bluntly.

 

"Wait, so she's entirely serious about this whole redemption bullshit? And Daddy isn't secretly using it to get sinners or demons to infiltrate  Heaven  or anything?" Adam asked skeptically. "Well, fuck me, I almost feel bad about being an ass to her."

 

"Why, by her father's infernal ass, would she think that is possible? It's been nine thousand years!" Lute retorted.

 

"She's a dreamer, obviously," Vaggie said with a smile.

 

"Yeah, and there's the other thing," Adam said with a grin, noticing her smile. "Okay, when we sent you under covers, you didn't have to get fucking under her literal covers, babe. Also literal on the fucking."

 

"That....wasn't planned," Vaggie admitted, looking to the side with a small smile as she rubbed her arm.

 

"Are you telling me you've fallen in love with the hellspawn, Vaggie?" Lute asked pointedly.

 

"Don't call her that! And yes, I fucking did," Vaggie admitted, looking to Adam  who  regarded her with a thoughtful look. "This the part where you rip my wings off instead of sealing them with my eye, Sir? Or  just  threaten to expose me to Charlie?"

 

"Vaggie, fuck off with the melodrama," Adam said pointedly, looking rather brood. "Just annoyed I'm losing someone else to a fucking Morningstar."

 

"Sir, I know Lute and the others will....probably hate me, but I'm not a damn traitor. If I thought any of this  was a threat to   Heaven , I wouldn't even consider staying with Charlie.  Just ....try to save her from the fallout, "Vaggie said  imploring .

 

"........" Adam narrowed his eyes. "Vaggie, I'm going to ask you one question  and  you are going to tell the fucking truth  or  I will burn your wings off with my own hands."

 

Vaggie swallowed.

 

"Do you know who the FUCK killed one of our exorcists?"

 

Vaggie paled. "What? Someone....? That's why you upped the extermination?"

 

Adam stared at her pointedly.

 

"What?! No, Sir! Adam! I would never kill an....." Vaggie actually looked a little ill now. One of her sisters was dead? "Someone killed an angel. That hasn't happened  in,  what? Fucking four thousand years? Longer?"

 

"Some shit like that, "Adam said with a sigh. "Fine, I believe you. Didn't want to think about another traitor after all the other shit we've dealt with. So....yeah, I'm going to eviscerate that girl in the courtroom."

 

Vaggie sighed. "You know she hates you? I think she's starting to worry that all of  Heaven  is corrupt."

 

"Of course she does," Lute muttered. "Is she a Princess of Hell or a fool that demands reality to conform to her ideals?"

 

"She's an optimist  that is  desperate for a chance to prove that people can change," Vaggie defended.

 

"Yeah, and I agree, fuckers can change. Up until they die.  She  does realize this shit is fucking automatic, right? Souls end up right where they belong based on the shit they did on Earth. No input from anyone, just a natural ass part of reality," Adam mused. "Still, fine, she wants to rehash that pipedream? Fine. But why the FUCK didn't she wait until she had something to show for it before coming up here?"

 

"You upped the extermination, Sir. She took that as a response to her idea," Vaggie responded.

 

"Ah, okay, fair enough. Not my fault that was the exact time Lucifer sent his daughter to the meeting," Adam muttered. "Any fucking way, so...we got two ways to fucking do this  Vaggie . One, this goes long term  and  you live a fucking lie in Hell until it explodes in your face. I'm not going to lie , it  will , this  shit does. Especially since you're both immortal. Or two, we can tell the Princess now, put it all on the table, and I will make you come out looking as best as  you can . To her, at least."

 

"You'd do that? "Vaggie asked in surprise.

 

"Yes, you would?" Lute asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

"You're probably about to do something stupid, but I feel better having someone keep an eye on shit down there for me," Adam said with a frown. "Just because I don't think she's actively up to some scheme against  heaven  with this hotel  shit,  doesn't mean I'm not worried. If we take Lucifuck and Lilith at face value, they say they didn't mean anything bad with the shit they pulled in Eden, but look where that got us? Paradise gone, Earth a half-finished shit hole, and Hell is a fucking gaping wound in Creation itself. The only thing left is  Heaven , and I'm not letting her accidentally fucking this place."

 

"I understand  that  Sir , you  have every reason to worry," Vaggie admitted. "But....fuck it. I don't believe in  this dream of hers , but I do believe in her. So I want to stay and help her, but.....yeah, I want to do it by her side. If....she'll let me stay."

 

"And if she doesn't?" Lute asked pointedly. "If your princess rejects you?"

 

Vaggie looked down. "I won't come begging you to take me back if that's what you're wondering."

 

Adam shrugged. "Eh. Worst case scenario, we'll let you crash as a maid in the Embassy."

 

Vaggie snorted. "You have Lute to fucking cosplay for you, leave me the hell out of that."

 

"Hey, I respect that you bat only for your own team. That offer I once made for a threesome? That was for Lute to be in the middle," Adam  said with a grin .

 

"And I admit, that was tempting," Vaggie said, looking to Lute, who didn't even blink at the subject.

 

"Would you like us to heal your eye before you leave?" Lute offered neutrally. " After  unseals your wings."

 

"No, Ma'am. I think I've learned to live with it," Vaggie said solemnly. ".....Do you hate me, Lute?"

 

"I haven't decided. I  certainly  hate what you're doing and who you're doing it for. But I'll reserve hating you for another time, "Lute said firmly. "I believe you don't know what happened, but in hindsight, does anything stand out? Any rumbling in Hell about a dead exorcist?"

 

Vaggie shook her head. "I wish I did......Sir?"

 

"Hmm?" Adam tilted his head at her.

 

"Can you do me...one, and only one favor? Don't target the hotel. I know you have no reason to, but-"

 

"Fucking shit, Vaggie, you have gone soft. Oi, even if you came back, I'd be kicking you out of the band," Adam said with a snort. "Sure, fine, I won't ruin your little love pad. You know, unless I have an actual reason to."

 

Vaggie sighed in relief. "Thank you, Adam."

 

Adam shrugged. "You handled this shit better than her parents did," he said in an almost tired tone. "Come on, let's go clear this shit up, Vage."

 

"....Vage?" Vaggie said, furrowing her brow.

 

"It means to watch over or cut down," Adam  said with a smirk . "I told you I'd change your name from Vagina after your mission was done. Might as well do it now."

 

"...." Vaggie looked to Lute. "Does he do that with all the exorcists?"

 

"Give us each a highly embarrassing name that is secretly tied to much a better name he'll give after passing some kind of test?" Lute listed off dryly. "Yes, he does."

 

Vaggie starred. "Was your name Lube-"

 

"Yes, my name was Lube," Lute answered in exasperation.

 

Vaggie looked back to the rather smug Adam. "Vage. I like it."

 

"Bitch, I am the Lord of Naming things , of  course you do."

Notes:

So, yeah. This is basically a branch of ideas stemming around the concept that "Adam is smarter than he lets on due to being 10K years old." He's not a super genius, but on sheer experience, he can out-plan most people.

The basic background of this idea was that when Adam got wind of Charlie's "redeeming souls into heaven" idea, he assumed the word and that the Infernal Family was trying to get people into heaven to act as agents on Hell's behalf. He didn't really think Charlie was going for literal "redemption" as in they naturally ascend to Heaven. So he sent down Vaggie to spy on things. Of course, Vaggie went native when she and Charlie mutually seduced each other.

Adam here is still the same in many other ways, but pragmatic enough to want to keep Vaggie on good terms with Charlie to keep an eye on things. Lute still feels largely the same about Vaggie's relationship as she does in canon- vile and blasphemous. But she doesn't hate Vaggie herself as she's not a traitor in their eyes. Still, this would undoubtedly cause problems for the Chaggie relationship, but it might also make Charlie realize how much how worried Heaven is about...just about anything her family does.

And yes, there actually is a word "Vage" that sounds like it belongs to a Watcher Angel.

Anyway, if I ever make a fic involving this, it'll be purely around the idea of treating Adam like someone who has been around since the dawn of time and all the wisdom that comes with it. Still a jackass, just applying what he knows a bit more often.

Chapter 11: Naming of Evil

Naming of Evil AKA if Roo isn't Eve, here is her POV on Creation.

 

Evil.

 

That's what they called Her.

 

It didn't have a meaning yet.

 

Just Not-Good. Not-Heaven. Not-Angels. Not-Creation. Not-Them.

 

Evil was fine with that.

 

She couldn't create and had no desire to.

 

She didn't care for anything yet.

 

She Just Was.

 

So She lurked in the void, watching The Angels as they Worshiped Good and Built Creation.

 

They were happy.

 

She felt nothing.

 

It didn't Hurt.

 

She Just Was.

 

But She did try to understand.

 

Angels and Her were similar in terms of existence.

 

They needed nothing. They were being of what they called Good, Evil's opposite.

 

So why build this City called Heaven?

 

To Keep Her Out.

 

She didn't blame them.

 

Angels were of Good.

 

Evil was Not-Good.

 

But why a City?

 

They only needed a wall.

 

Perhaps there was more to do when one was not alone.

 

Evil didn't care.

 

But Evil was Evil.

 

And Angels were right to be wary of Her abyss.

 

Just as She was wary of their Six-Wings.

 

Mighty, blazing, bright, so bright.

 

And then there was him.

 

Bright One.

 

Light Spreader.

 

Spotted Angel.

 

The Dreamer

 

She didn't like him.

 

He placed lights far and wide in her void.

 

He rambled his ideas into the Nothingness.

 

He was the Brightest of the Angels.

 

He was the Weakest of the Angels.

 

His power was great, yes.

 

He was Six-Wings.

 

He, perhaps, had more power than any other angel.

 

But his Heart was Weak.

 

He taught her about the Weakness in the Light, in the Good Angels.

 

The Angels had cracks in their souls.

 

Arrogance.

 

Compliance.

 

Dogmatism.

 

Sadness.

 

Self-Pity.

 

The Dream had the Brightest Cracks in his soul.

 

But now, she could see them all.

 

See the cracks that could open Creation to her.

 

The Cracks Would Let Her In.

 

She could Bring Ruin To All That Was Good.

 

But she didn't.

 

She wanted to see where this was going.

 

What was the point of Good and Creation?

 

Evil wanted to know before she became True Evil, instead of just Not-Good.

 

They Made The Earth.

 

.....Why?

 

It was Imperfect.

 

It was Finite.

 

It was Impermanent.

 

Why would the Builders of Creation invite such a flaw?

 

Then, she saw it.

 

Part of Earth, But Not-Earth.

 

Above Earth, yet Within Earth.

 

Earth was for Practice.

 

Testing.

 

This Not-Earth, it was Near-Permanent.

 

They called it the Garden.

 

Evil was Fascinated.

 

The Garden was perfectly crafted.

 

But easily destroyed.

 

It would crumble if one part of its inner workings were undone.

 

It was a place of Permanence, made of Impermanence.

 

And it was utterly impossible for her to enter.

 

She could only watch.

 

It was...interesting.

 

But....Why?

 

Things filled the Earth.

 

Finite entities of matter.

 

Barely aware.

 

They took some to the Garden.

 

These too, were tests.

 

Practice.

 

The Angels were making Something.

 

And making a place for that Something.

 

They were excited.

 

Glad.

 

Eager.

 

They collected Dust.

 

The Goodness of Creation blessed the Dust.

 

The Angels Shaped The Dust.

 

Than.

 

Evil Reeled Back.

 

Creation Breathed Forth Two Souls.

 

They were not the blazing pure light of Creation.

 

They were Less than the Angels.

 

Yet they were also Much More Than The Angels.

 

One Churning with a soft amethyst glow that was almost soothing to the eyeless gaze of Evil.

 

The other roared with a golden hue that was vibrant enough to briefly outshine all lights.

 

All Attention was on them.

 

The Spotted Angel gained another crack.

 

Evil ignored him.

 

She watched as they entered the Dust.

 

Watched as Life became a part of Creation.

 

Evil could feel Death forming in the Void.

 

Evil could not Create.

 

Only reflect, only warp, only destroy.

 

But the Angels made a mistake.

 

In their awe, they allowed Imperfect Light to exist.

 

Just for a Moment.

 

That was all Evil needed.

 

The Souls-In-Flesh stood.

 

And at their feet were shadows.

 

And through their shadows, Evil watched.

 

Evil listened.

 

Evil learned.

 

Evil got very bored.

 

It was interesting, at first.

 

Adam and Lilith, they were called.

 

Humans.

 

And Evil Understood.

 

The Humans Were Angels.

 

But not yet.

 

Angels-To-Be.

 

This was quicker.

 

Angels took Eons to form from The Light of Creation.

 

The Angels Were Lonely.

 

Or maybe, they just wanted to help the Future Angels.

 

Evil didn't know.

 

Or care.

 

But the Garden was for the Humans.

 

And so the Humans were given the task of Mastering the Garden.

 

They were Equals.

 

They Shaped Creation.

 

Not in mass like the Angels.

 

But small ways.

 

The feel of grass.

 

The color of dirt.

 

The smell of flowers.

 

Evil got very, very bored watching them touch grass.

 

Then the Naming began.

 

Names were important.

 

Evil knew that from the moment she heard 'Adam.'

 

Names defined a thing.

 

Names were powerful.

 

Names were dangerous.

 

Evil had no true name.

 

She didn't want one.

 

But the Naming came easy to Adam.

 

Lilith, not so much.

 

No one minded.

 

No one said it was bad.

 

No one thought less of her.

 

Evil felt a crack form in Lilith's soul.

 

No one, but Lilith herself.

 

Adam tried to show her.

 

Help her.

 

Teach her.

 

But they were meant to be equals.

 

Lilith didn't feel that way.

 

Not if she had to be taught, and he didn't.

 

Even when her own talents were shown.

 

She saw only what she Could Not Do.

 

And what Adam Could Do.

 

Evil decided she didn't like Lilith.

 

Adam was strange to Evil.

 

He hurt when Lilith turned from him.

 

Again and again.

 

But his soul did not crack.

 

Just Almost-Cracked.

 

Sorrow, Uncertainty, Frustration.

 

But they did not stick.

 

This was not new.

 

Many Angels shrugged these off.

 

But Adam was not an Angel.

 

Not Yet.

 

He sat beneath the Tree.

 

The Tree of Freewill.

 

But it was Not Just-Freewill.

 

It was Knowledge.

 

It was Knowledge of Her.

 

Good and Evil were Good-and-Evil.

 

Separate, but a package. Reflections. Opposites.

 

They could keep her out, but they cannot destroy her.

 

There was nothing to destroy.

 

For Evil had no true power.

 

She was impotent.

 

She only existed as What If?

 

As Should I?

 

She was only as powerful as Creation let her be.

 

She could only Exist.

 

Whisper.

 

Remind them they didn't HAVE to be Good.

 

And that-

 

He Touched Her!

 

Evil felt shock.

 

Surprise.

 

Fear?

 

She looked up at Adam.

 

His golden Eyes were looking at her through his own shadow.

 

"Who Are You?"

 

His head was tilted.

 

She tried to do that too.

 

I Have No Name.

 

She didn't think he would hear her.

 

But he did.

 

He didn't know what she was.

 

But he smiled at her.

 

And His Light was not blazing.

 

It was warm.

 

He Didn't Know.

 

Into the shadows, he smiled.

 

Through the Shadows, his soul peaked out. 

 

She should leave.

 

But she didn't.

 

Beyond Creation, he reached out to her.

 

"Roo."

 

What?

 

"You are just under my shadow, look roots beneath the ground."

 

Evil stared.

 

"You're name is Roo."

 

Her name was Roo.

 

Evil was Roo.

 

Roo was Evil.

 

He couldn't name her.

 

But he did name her.

 

She wasn't of Creation.

 

But Her Name Was Roo!

 

She felt....something.

 

She left him alone.

 

That made him sad.

 

She went to the Abyss.

 

But she was still Roo!

 

She couldn't be Not-Roo.

 

Not now.

 

Not again.

 

Not ever.

 

Why?

 

She looked into the Abyss.

 

She looked into Creation.

 

She had no answer.

 

She came back to The Garden

 

Adam Smiled At Her.

 

Why could he see her?!

 

He hadn't mentioned her to the Angels.

 

Not out of secretively.

 

He thought they knew.

 

Even they thought they would know if she was here.

 

That was funny.

 

The Garden went on.

 

But Lilith was still unhappy.

 

As was the Bright One.

 

Oh, Adam helped name the Angels now.

 

The Bright One was Lucifer.

 

Bringer of Light.

 

Roo felt more cracks forming in Souls.

 

Souls in Eden.

 

Still not Adam.

 

Not yet.

 

But Lilith's discontent grew.

 

And Lucifer felt outcasted.

 

Unappreciated.

 

Envious.

 

Roo would raise an eyebrow if she had one.

 

Lucifer was envious of the humans and the attention on them.

 

How petty.

 

But she found more cracks forming.

 

Betrayal.

 

To Love was not Treachery.

 

But how they did it?

 

Adam's heart cracked.

 

But his soul did not.

 

Amazing.

 

But it came close.

 

Adam was alone in the Garden.

 

He had the Angels.

 

He had the Animals.

 

He had the Garden.

 

It was all his.

 

All he could want.

 

But he needed someone.

 

He had no one like himself, and all others did.

 

One did not need to be alone to be lonely.

 

His soul might crack if left alone.

 

She should have left him alone.

 

But she remained in his shadow.

 

He knew she was there.

 

Just beneath his shadow.

 

Just beneath his touch.

 

Creation made Adam to endure.

 

He slept one day.

 

The angels took a piece of him out of his body.

 

Roo probably could have done something with that.

 

But she wanted to see what they were up to.

 

Because, again, why?

 

They made another human, a New First Woman.

 

Cracks of indignation formed in Lilith's soul at her very nature being given to another.

 

Cracks of frustration and misplaced protectiveness filled Lucifer's soul.

 

The New First Woman was called Eve.

 

She was not like Lilith.

 

She was more like Lucifer.

 

But not the parts Roo found displeasing.

 

No, she was like Lucifer-With-Lilith.

 

Roo felt nothing for her.

 

But she made Adam happy.

 

Yet Lucifer and Lilith were not happy.

 

Craters formed in their Souls.

 

Ambition.

 

Pride.

 

Arrogance.

 

Delusions.

 

Dreamers indeed.

 

She left Adam and Eve to listen to Lucifer and Lilith.

 

They wanted to Open Eve's Eyes.

 

And Adam's.

 

But mostly Eve's.

 

They didn't like Adam.

 

Roo watched them plot.

 

Plan.

 

Scheme.

 

Roo was Evil.

 

But Adam still trusted these two.

 

They were supposed to be Good.

 

Or at least, Not-Evil.

 

But if they wanted to be Evil?

 

Fine.

 

She'd grant their selfish wish.

 

She flooded the cracks in the souls.

 

It did nothing.

 

Nothing really. 

 

Nothing they weren't already going to do.

 

She listened as they found Eve alone.

 

They told her many things.

 

All of them true.

 

Technically.

 

But all wrongly put.

 

Told in a way they wanted her to hear.

 

To make her fear losing her place in Creation.

 

Her place in the Garden.

 

Her place with Adam.

 

Poor thing didn't have a chance.

 

But cracks formed in her soul all the same.

 

So many fears and insecurities and more.

 

Poor, poor Eve.

 

She felt the Cracks widening into Caverns.

 

Caverns on the Soul.

 

Sins.

 

She felt the Angels coming.

 

They felt Sin, they felt Evil.

 

They would drive her influence out.

 

And those tainted by it.

 

They didn't know she was Roo yet.

 

That was only for Adam to say.

 

Poor Adam.

 

He'd be alone again.

 

Or he would have been.

 

But he ate the apple too.

 

Why?

 

She didn't know.

 

But in eating the Apple, Adam understood Evil.

 

And in that moment, Evil understood Adam.

 

He named her.

 

He made her not Just-Evil.

 

More than Evil, Less than Evil.

 

And in doing so, as Adam Fell From Grace, Roo knew what she felt at last.

 

One thing was reflected perfectly in Evil and Good.

 

One thing both could have equally in all its perfect and imperfect forms.

 

Love.

 

She loved that foolish, enduring Soul.

 

That was why his fall made her sad.

 

He fell to Earth, not to her.

 

Not to Hell.

 

Right, Hell existed now.

 

So focused on the End of Eden, Roo didn't notice she had become a realm onto herself.

 

Heaven's equal.

 

How unimportant that felt.

 

Demons began to form and roam the terrible landscape.

 

Lilith and Lucifer were thrown into her.

 

She didn't care.

 

She let them be.

 

For now.

 

She followed Adam on Earth and watched him.

 

Nine Hundred Years he endured Earth.

 

He had been happy.

 

Nine Thousand years he endured Heaven.

 

He had been happy, at first.

 

But there was a bitter Despair in his heart.

 

Not the despair that made one sob and break down.

 

The Despair of one who endured and knew it would only get worse.

 

So, when Hell rose, he slaughtered them. Demons and Sinners alike.

 

Heaven did so as well.

 

Once more, Lucifer and Lilith were humbled.

 

Roo had almost forgotten they existed.

 

Now Adam came and slaughtered every year.

 

He drenched Roo with the essence of his fallen bloodline.

 

Lilith would liken it to child sacrifice.

 

Roo still didn't like Lilith.

 

Still, Roo was happy when, every year, Adam's mocking voice filled the air as he brought final death to sinners.

 

His soul was battered, dented, and all else.

 

But he remained.

 

He endured.

 

He went on.

 

He was the strongest mortal soul in Heaven.

 

Only Lucifer could lay him low.

 

Or lay him low enough for another to slay.

 

She Never Liked Lucifer.

 

She smiled when she felt Adam's soul.

 

Oh, he would not die. Never, ever would Adam die.

 

Death was banned from truly ending him.

 

No, no, no.

 

Roo wrapped her entire being around Adam's ancient soul.

 

She gently pulled him down.

 

Others would have fought back.

 

They would know they were in danger.

 

But Adam didn't fight back.

 

Because he didn't feel any danger.

 

There was none.

 

Not for him.

 

Her smile widened as she embraced Adam.

 

Hell Embraced the First Man.

 

Evil Embraced the Oldest Living Soul.

 

Roo Embrace the Love of Her Life.

 

She never liked Lucifer.

 

She never like Lilith.

 

Now?

 

Now, at long last, she had Adam.

 

She had the Devil she always wanted.

 

And in her realm, he would reign to his wickedest content.

 

She didn't care about Heaven.

 

Or Creation.

 

Or anything.

 

The Angels could have the rest.

 

Just leave them in their dark realm.

 

After all, Adam had endured enough.

 

It was time for him to rest.

 

Rest, and sit upon the True Throne of Hell.

Notes:

So, Adam/Roo. What do we call this pairing? Rotten Guitar? GuitarHell? GuitarHell sounds better.

But yeah, I decided to skip Adam reuniting with Eve-Roo and jump straight to the idea that Roo is NOT Eve but is definitely in love with Adam. And not in a torture/kill everyone you care about so you only love her kind of way. It's very much like Dracula in the Batman movie- evil, but his number one priority was resurrecting his beloved vampire wife. AKA, even Evil itself can love.

That said, this was very freehanded, poetic, and on the spot. I wrote Evil/Roo much like how Tolkien and others have described it- Evil is the "Absence of Good" and doesn't technically have any true power until someone gives it some. Cracks form, but all she can do is remind that being Good isn't the only option.

But yeah, Roo has been 10,000 years to have her True Devil as she calls him, and he has finally fallen into her arms. After that, well...Lucifer, thanks for keeping the seat warm, lol!

Chapter 12: An Unfallen Hell

An Unfallen Hell  AKA Lucifer wakes up in the Garden of Eden and isn't sure if he wants it to be a dream or not.

 

It wasn't the first time Lucifer felt himself awaking in some place beside his bed. Sometimes  he  fell asleep in his workroom , others   he  rolled out of bed now that Lilith wasn't there. And there definitely wasn't a little Charlie to curl up next to  him,  now that she was all grown up and following her  own  dreams. Dreams probably as doomed as his had been.

 

But something was different. This didn't....smell like  his  home.  The rubber of ducks, the everlasting scent of Lilith  even after seven years , the lingering sulfur or brimstone from the  Hell  outside, or anything else that he recognized as home now.

 

And that was...grass on his hands and a tree to his back. Had he fallen asleep in a park? When had he gone to a park? Was he even still in Pride?

 

"Hahaha!"

 

His eyes  went wide  as he heard that soft, beautiful laugh that echoed in his dreams and tricked him in the morning. Could that be...Lilith?

 

But as he jumped to his feet, he realized something was....very wrong.

 

Or right.

 

Maybe?

 

He was in a forest. One so familiar that he didn't recognize it at first.

 

"Eden?"

 

Because yes, it could only be Eden. He had seen  Earth,  before his fall. Only in Eden did leaves wave as if they were greeting you , was  grass this beautiful and often, with air so clear it felt like it was soothing your insides. It made breathing a worthy venture, even for angels who did not need air.

 

He looked down and almost jumped out of his clothes. This was his outfit from his angelic days. He could never bear to wear this again, keeping only the hat. Yet, here it was.

 

And in looking himself over, he saw what was in his hand.

 

An apple.

 

No, that wasn't right.

 

The Apple.

 

He looked up numbly and realized he had been sitting beneath the Tree of Good and Evil.

 

Slowly, agonizingly, he looked down  and reached  within his soul and searched it.   The wound of being a Fallen Angel , of being  cast out of  Heaven .

 

Tears reached his eyes as he realized that there was no wound.

 

Only his unfallen Grace.

 

How long had it been since he felt this?

 

This comfort, this love, this connection to all of  Creation ?

 

Ten Thousand Years.

 

It had been Ten Thousand Years, but he was here. Right here.

 

Laughter reached his ears again.

 

His head snapped in the direction.  He ventured beyond the trees and found the river Hiddekel, flowing with  the   clearest  and freshest water  in  creation .  There, on the banks, was Adam and Lilith.

 

Naked, free of shame and sin, and chuckling as Adam held up a fish.

 

"What do you think, Lily? Catfish? Or Whisker Fish?" Adam asked, the fish calm in his arms. After all, it wouldn't die.

 

Death did not exist yet.

 

Sin did not exist yet.

 

Evil hadn't gotten in yet.

 

He hadn't....let  Evil  in yet.

 

He almost  forgot,  that   there were times when Adam and Lilith got along and got along well. They worked well together, until they didn't.

 

"Catfish does roll off the tongue better, Love," Lilith answered. "By the way,  I think  we need to change a name."

 

"Hmm? Which ones?" Adam asked, placing the fish back in the water.

 

"The Long-crabs? I think they deserve their own name," Lilith mused. "Something starting with an L?"

 

"How about Lilister?" Adam offered with a smirk.

 

"You fool, I'm not naming it after me," Lilith said with a fond snort.

 

"I know, but I am," Adam retorted  with a smug look .

 

"Adam, no, don't you dare," Lilith half-ordered and half-pleaded. "Though, you might be onto something. L-Ster. Legsters?"

 

"No, no, we didn't call the centipede a Centileg , we're  not doing that to the Long-crabs," Adam insisted. "L-Ster, L-Ster...Lucifer?"

 

"I'm not sure if he'd enjoy being their namesake," Lilith mused absently. "He prefers the pond-birds."

 

"No, seriously, Lucifer?" Adam said, nodding to the side.

 

The (un?!)fallen  angel  nearly jerked back behind the tree he had been watching  from,  but stopped himself with an awkward smile. "Oh, um, hi!"

 

"Sup!" Adam greeted, grinning with a wave.

 

" Hello  Lucifer," Lilith greeted with a smile.

 

It wasn't the smile of his beloved wife.

 

It was the smile one gave a good friend.

 

His heart felt stabbed and strangled.

 

He smiled back, albeit a little uneasily. "Hi. Again. So, Fish naming?"

 

"Yep," Adam said before  reaching in to pull  out an eel. "But I'm still not convinced this is a fish!"

 

The eel didn't struggle, but it seemed annoyed to be brought into this discussion.

 

Lilith giggled at Adam's antics, and the First Man's eyes gleaned with joyous gold. She stopped when she noticed. "Lucifer, is that the Forbidden Fruit?"

 

"Hmm?" he asked, freezing as he looked down and saw it. Yes, he was still holding it. Carrying it. 

 

He felt his heart drop in fear and sorrow. How did he explain this- Wait.

 

This was Eden.

 

This was Pre-Fallen Adam and Pre-Hell Lilith.

 

They had no reason to be suspicious of him.

 

And no experience in detecting bullshit!

 

But he didn't feel like telling an utter lie, so he wracked his head for something that wasn't untruthful.

 

"Oh, I was hoping to convince the others to let me change what it looks like," Lucifer answered, because yes, he had thought about that in the Old Days. These Days. This  was confusing  for him, and not just emotionally.

 

"Change it?" Adam asked curiously. "What for?"

 

"It's  kind of  petty, but they used my design for a fruit  for it . I wanted it to be a tasty one  too ! I kind of...don't like this idea being used for it," Lucifer confessed sheepishly.

 

"Ahh, that stinks," Adam said idly, nodding in sympathy.

 

"Yeah, but I should put this back! I  really  forgot I still had it when I heard you both over here," Lucifer said, heading off before they could question him further.

 

"Hmm, he seems troubled," Lilith mused.

 

"Michael said his ideas get shot down a lot since Creation isn't ready for them yet," Adam mused.  " Not  sure what that means  though , but I kind of get it."

 

"You do? I sometimes wonder what they made Eden and us for," Lilith said with a frown.

 

Adam sat  down  beside her, putting an arm around her and  pulled  her close.

 

Unseen by them, Lucifer watched the moment with a pounding heart before  spiriting himself back  to the Tree of Knowledge.

 

He  quickly,  swiftly put the fruit back in the free, the apple reconnecting to the branch without issue.

 

He backed away quickly,  taking off  his hat as...everything came down on him.

 

He was in Eden.

 

Before everything happened.

 

Like it was all.....all just a dream.

 

A long nightmare.

 

But that nightmare.....had such precious moments in it.

 

Lilith's smile.

 

The spark in Charlie's eyes.

 

His wife hadn't fallen in love with him yet.

 

His daughter didn't exist.

 

His little star, his CharChar, his baby.

 

She was gone.

 

No, worse than gone.

 

She just wasn't.

 

She might never be.

 

Unless.

 

His eyes were stained with tears as he looked back to the red fruit and all the terrible things it offered the future.

 

"Fuck," he muttered. "Fuck!"

 

Birds flew away at his hiss.

 

He had been the Sin of Pride.

 

But Charlie had become his Pride.

 

And the only way he could get her back...

 

Was this a punishment? To either be denied the lights of his life or condemn all of  creation  to the same ten thousand years of ruin he brought about?

 

Or maybe...maybe he could do it better?

 

Just .....take Lilith.  When she had another fight with Adam , he could comfort her as before .  And when they left, just.....just don't come back. Leave Adam with Eve , let  them have the Garden and everything else.  Just ....just  him, Lilith, and.....it might still take ten thousand years, but Charlie could still be born.  And he could be a better father, a better husband. 

 

But...

 

Maybe.

 

Wait!

 

His eyes widen.

 

'We argued about if an eel was a fish or a snake. That's how it started. It just....spiraled from there. I swear he doesn't care what I think sometimes.'

 

He remembered the day their adventure began perfectly.

 

I...if Adam and Lilith had settled the eel debate, then...

 

They had  made up from that fight?

 

How Long Had He Been Resting!?

 

Was this....was this the exact day, and he just slept through his fated day of connecting with Lilith?

 

"No, no, no, no," he whimpered.

 

He wasn't the monster humanity thought he was. There was no  great  scheme in the name of  evil . There was just a misguided idea by a dreamer high on love. He wasn't plotting to destroy  Creation !

 

What did he do, what did he do, what did he do?!

 

"Lucifer?"

 

He breathed suddenly.

 

Many old voices were in his dreams and nightmares.

 

But especially this one.

 

He looked up and swallowed as he saw the  angel ,   sitting  up  on a tree branch.

 

He looked a bit like Lucifer.  but  taller  and  his skin a bronze tan. His hair was a darker  blond,  and fuller like mane. His hair almost looked like cat ears. No spots. Unlike many angels, he  was partially imitating  the unfallen humans, going topless to his broad but hairless chest.

 

"Michael," Lucifer said under his breath.

 

"You seem troubled, Brother," Michael said in concern.

 

"I had...a very long and  very strange  dream," Lucifer said  with a grimace .

 

"Was it bad?" Michael asked softly, resting his chin against his knuckles.

 

"I...." Lucifer winced at the Ten Thousand Years of memories reeling by  him, . "Yes. But there were some very...beautiful moments in it. It seemed like it was finally getting  better,  just before I awoke."

 

"You should be careful sleeping beneath the Tree of Knowledge, our Dreamer," Michael said, eyeing the fruits in the tree with the mildest  of  disfavor.

 

Lucifer buried his heartache and  confusion   and  trauma as best he could. "I'm....still upset you all took the Apple from me."

 

"Lucifer, we're sorry, but your idea for the fruit just wouldn't work," Michael said with a chuckle.

 

"I said we should make it a bright white cube! No one would get it mixed up," Lucifer countered.

 

"And you know just as well as anyone that we can't make cubed fruit without. We agreed that  creation  was more appealing when curves and spheres are the natural shape of things," Michael said with a mighty chuckle.

 

Right, he remembered that, deciding if the primary shape of  Creation  should be a circle or a square.

 

Oh, he enjoyed that day. All eight archangels and a lot of other angels argued against the Squarist. They liked making it square-based because that would simplify things, making everything more neat and orderly. They had experimented with it  and  it was so panned that there wasn't even a need for a Circlest movement.

 

Granted, Lucifer admitted, he saw the appeal of maybe having a side world based on  cubes,  after seeing what humans did with Minecraft.

 

Would do with Minecraft. Fuck it, he'd reinvent Minecraft if he had to.

 

Where was he again?

 

Right. Eden. And his entire life was literally undone.

 

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Lucifer asked curiously.

 

"I was looking for you," Michael answered. "Sera and the others are worried about you. You didn't...take it well last time we voted against one of your ideas."

 

"Which one?" Lucifer asked dryly. He meant that both literally and pointedly.  He barely recalled  what the very  last idea he suggested to the other angels  was .

 

"Something about floating islands?" Michael recalled. "Or was it the magic one?"

 

"No, wait, I remember," he said to himself. "It was Dragons."

 

"Look, we like the dragons! We're putting them with the dinosaurs! We  just  want to workshop them some more!" Michael assured with an easy grin before sighing. "Brother, you have such big dreams, and we sometimes feel left behind. You're thinking so far ahead while we're still trying to  make sure  everything in the present works well. You know how important Adam and Lilith are for the future."

 

He did. He really did.

 

"I just...sometimes feel like something is missing. Like I've...lost something important," Lucifer said, touching his chest with half-lidded eyes.

 

"If it's important, I'm sure you'll find it again," Michael assured as he flew down to the Morningstar. "Come on, we have something big to show you."

 

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. This was new. What could this be? 

 

If nothing else, it'd take away from the pain in his chest.....

 

"Congratulations!"

 

"WHA!" Lucifer exclaimed in surprise, jumping onto Michael's back in freight. He was happy they all started laughing, so they didn't notice him taking in so many painfully familiar faces. Sera, Gabriel, Raphael, and so....so many more. A whole crowd of angels.

 

Actually, this might be almost every  angel  currently in existence.

 

"Thank you  and  what for?!" he asked over the laughter as he climbed off his unphased and amused brother. "Also, where are we? I don't recognize this place."

 

"Lucifer," Sera said, smiling freely, almost giddy. "Welcome to the Eighth Heaven!"

 

Lucifer blinked and looked around. He didn't recall there being eight spheres of  heaven , only Seven. Unless they counted the city at the entrance, did they count that? But as for this eighth  heaven , there was...literally nothing. Just a clear view of the stars in the void. Which was  nice , he  liked admiring his handiwork, but still. "Seems....a bit spars. The  Angel  in charge here not decorated yet?"

 

"No,  no  you haven't," Gabriel answered, her grin wide and mischievous.

 

".....Come again?" Lucifer asked with wide eyes.

 

"We were trying to surprise you," Michael said with a chuckle, patting him on the  back,  right between the wings. Just like he always used to. "It's about time you have a place to think and enjoy your work properly," he said, nodding  up  to the stars.

 

Shock entered him.

 

Guilt followed.

 

They had...never been shunning him?

 

They were trying to give him a gift?

 

Was this real  or  was this the dream?

 

He tried to filter through his memories. Tried to ignore the pain of being thrown away after his great mistake. Had he been wrong, even about this? Had they all.....really loved  him  and appreciated him, and he was just blind with disappointment to notice?

 

His hand trembled.

 

And he did what he did best.

 

He  smiled,  to make his tears seem joyful.

 

And he decided to bullshit his way through this. "I...really don't know what to say! Thank you, all of you!" he said over his tears.

 

Maybe...this was the punishment. To be given the better  path,  and feel the guilt and agony of knowing how thoroughly  he  failed.

 

And watch as the ones he loved most would never look his way or even be born.

 

It was cruel, being torn between his guilt and his selfishness.

 

Perhaps this was his personal  hell .

 

An Unfallen Hell.

Notes:

For once, a Lucifer-centric oneshot. And I threw in the twist of timetraveling back to before your biggest mistake is very much...a mind fuck? The Timetraveler isn't thrilled for the "second chance" which would be a form of psychological horror in its own way. Since, you know, his daughter doesn't exist.

Unironically, this idea has nothing to do with cucking Lucifer. The full fic would be one part exploring Lucifer trying to piece his life and heart together while being the reader's view into this timeline where the OG Fall never happens. If Creation had been able to be refined more and Evil kept at bay for however much longer, how humans develop from this extended time in the garden. Granted, it's just as tempting to explore that with a time traveling Charlie, if I'm honest.

But yeah, it would be a huge struggle for Lucifer just to resist the temptation of putting things on their original timeline. Much like other stories where people are tempted to do foolish, dangerous things to ressurrect a loved one.

Chapter 13: Works in Mysterious Ways

Works in Mysterious Ways   AKA God and Adam have a pleasant talk.

 

Beaten to a pulp by Lucifer, stabbed to death by some shitty little sinner, and his last sight was Lute screaming his name.

 

Honestly, the last part wasn't too bad, but the rest sucked.

 

His golden eyes dimmed as he felt himself drifting away into emptiness.

 

It was like floating on a sea of nothingness. He remembered feeling this a few times.

 

The instant before he first opened his eyes.

 

The moment of the Fall, between Eden and Earth.

 

Now here again. "Well, isn't this a shit show?" he muttered to himself.

 

"Yeah, you look like you got fucked up."

 

Adam blinked as he sat up in the nothingness, looking up. Or what felt like sitting up. He wasn't surprised as a ball of soft light descended down to him. "Big G? Been a long fucking while, old man"

 

The light chuckled before it flashed.

 

Adam smiled as the light vanished to reveal, well? Himself. Only, it wasn't himself, but a version of him with cloud-white hair and eyes that were like all the stars in the sky.

 

"So it has, Little A," God greeted with a grin. "Sorry about not speaking in a while. Shit's been crazy, keeping Creation together."

 

"Right, it's only been a couple thousand damn years," Adam retorted with a grin. "So....I'm dead?"

 

"Yeah, looks like it," God mused, nodding down to Adam's chest.

 

Adam frowned, seeing the wound was still there. It didn't hurt, but there was a soft trickle of golden blood pooling around him.

 

"So, what happened?" God asked patiently.

 

"Oh, like you don't fucking know!" Adam shot back with an eye-roll.

 

"I actually don't, at the moment. I feel it best to turn my omniscience off sometimes, and let the conversation go naturally," God answered with a smile. "Besides, it's better this way, lets you get some things off your chest. Besides the flesh wound."

 

Adam shrugged. "Can I at least get a drink, Big G?"

 

"Not a problem, Kiddo," God said with a grin, making a goblet appear for both of them, filled with a delicious purple wine.

 

Adam took a deep drink of it before starting. "Lucifer and Lilith had a kid, you know?"

 

"I did," God answered with a smile. "I can't wait to meet her. I'm not sure what she's like, but I do know she'll be a delight to meet."

 

"Yeah, well, she tried to make a hotel to rehab sinners in Hell," Adam explained. "I tried wrecking the place."

 

"You did do that, rather successfully. Though, a lot of your exorcists did get killed," God informed with a frown.

 

"Trying not to think about that. You dammit, I thought I was done losing people to that fuck," Adam remarked with a sigh. "Lucifer beat me to a pulp, someone stabbed me. The end."

 

"Is it?" God asked with ahead tilt.

 

Adam scowled. "If there's an epilogue, I can't fucking read it from here."

 

"Fair point. One of her sinners earned his halo," God explained bluntly, taking a long drink.

 

"....The Fuck?" Adam asked in shock. "Redemption from Hell....was possible this whole time?!"

 

God snorted heavily into his goblet. "Pfft, fucking shit it was! You think I would have left you, the rest of Heaven high and dry without that little tidbit? Fuck no! No, this shit only recently became possible. Like, two hundred years ago."

 

Adam furrowed his brow. "Seriously? Disney's Hell Princess was born to do this shit?"

 

"Yep! Literally impossible for her to be born until it could happen. And you have no idea how long that took to fix, by the way!" God said, mock pointing at Adam.

 

"The fuck I don't! It's been ten thousand years!"

 

"Well.....more like a hundred thousand in the void, but yeah," God agreed with a shrug. "Anyway, I decided to let everything just run its course without me while I was gone. See what happened. Then, well, fix it from there. If I can."

 

"How bad would you say it is?" Adam asked, remarkably serious for a moment.

 

"Could be worse. Lucifer hasn't gone full evil mode at least," God said, shaking his head. "That brat of mine."

 

"Fucker rubbed it in my face he fucked both my wives," Adam muttered in annoyance.

 

God took a breath. "Oh, I'm going to drag him back up to Heaven and kick his ass down again. That brat needs to get his shit together. At least his daughter is dragging him into a better way. Keyword on dragging."

 

Adam grunted. "So, what now? I just hang out with you for the rest of eternity?"

 

"Honestly was thinking about sending you back as a sinner," God answered idly.

 

"The fuck?" Adam asked, more surprised than alarmed. "Big G, I've done a lot of shit for you. I killed fucking dinosaurs! But you're going to have to lay that one out a bit more."

 

"You're the First Human, Adam. You know, since Lily fucked off with Luci and I had to revoke her First Woman privileges," God reminded. "First to Fall, first to Rise. You're not the first to be redeemed, but your soul would kind of clear the way. And, I'll be real? That girl needs some fucking perspective, she lucked out with that snake she redeemed."

 

"Of course, it was a snake," Adam muttered. "So, what, you sending me back down there, and I just have to pray Lucicunt doesn't wail on me? Cause I can take the rest of the fuckers."

 

"Have a little faith. Brat or not, I still know Lucifer like the grains of sand on my favorite beach," God said. "Which reminds me, what the fuck was going on with you and Lilith?"

 

Adam shrugged. "Look, her out of Hell is a good thing as far as I'm concerned. Not like I was fucking the bitch, just letting her hang on my beach."

 

"Point," God granted with a dismissive wave. "Still, yes, Sinner Adam is a plan. But....."

 

"What did you do?" Adam asked flatly.

 

"What's that look for?" God asked with an innocent grin.

 

"That is the same look you had when you gave a horse wings! While I was riding it! Me and that horse had no idea what the hell was going on!" Adam said accusingly.

 

"Hehee, good times," God said with a chuckle. "So, I couldn't mess with Earth while I was fixing Creation. Would have literally fallen apart without my full attention. Buuuuut-"

 

"Oh my fucking You, how many more worlds did you make?" Adam asked with a facepalm.

 

"Just six!" God answered quickly.

 

"Seven Earths. Of fucking course, that was always the plan," Adam recalled with an eye-roll.

 

"Well, there were going to be Eight Earths and Eight Heavens, but Lucifer's little shitshow turned the cosmic number from a perfect eight to a very unfinished seven," God said with a head shake. "Look, Little Ai? I'll be in front with you here, I am considering a cosmic reset. Turn off Creation, get you and a bunch of other souls together to debate over what to do with the next iteration, and reboot everything. There is still a shot to make this workout."

 

"Princess Hellfire got her optimism from you," Adam said with a sigh. "So, you want me to explore these other worlds?"

 

God nodded sagely. "A new first for you, First Man. The First Soul to transverse all seven earths and all their wonders."

 

".....Am I keeping my powers?" Adam asked flatly.

 

God smiled mysteriously. "Let's just say you'll enjoy what you'll have."

 

"You know, me and Lucifer learned this trolling bullshit from you!"

 

"Lucifer and I, Kiddo," God corrected playfully.

 

"Oh, fuck off," Adam said with an eye-roll.

 

"As you wish!" God said, snapping his fingers.

 

"You fuckmothering-" Adam muttered before the light overcame him.

 

Well, time for another adventure, he supposed.

Notes:

Okay, yeah, this idea is really me expressing three ideas at once:

1. A twist on Sinner Adam, where he's less Fallen and more Sent-Down. He's kind of what Satan was in some of the OG lore- actually working for God as the Accuser, rather than a full-out enemy

2. Adam traveling to other worlds, aka getting isekai'd. Gods I want to put him into an anime with elves, just to uno-reverse card them. They're so used to being older than humans, meanwhile, you got the 10K old Father of Humanity whose scuffs in Pre-Bable are your five centuries' age. Not to mention the "demon lords" who aren't really demons as he knows them. But yeah, Adam with a mature Isekai harem is easy to imagine.

3. Basically, Adam being made in the Image of God is a bit more literal. I LOVE the fan design for God- super tall, all white, four eyes floating around the head? But if he takes on a human form, I'm going to assume it's like Adam's. And their personalities have very similar points.

Anyway, that's all for this bit. But enjoy the triple update!(New Chapter of Uncle Adam AND the First Chapter of Eve of Heaven's full story)

Chapter 14: A Kindness for Hell

A Kindness for Hell   AKA A couple thousand years after the Fall, Lucifer swallows his pride for the sake of Lilith.

 

Blood pooled on the ground, the corpses of demons burning under the golden sun.

 

Adam frowned as he sat on a large rock, a long golden blade over his shoulder. He and he alone sat there and watched over the Hellhole.

 

Hellholes, portals that literally led into the fiery realms of Hell, akin to sinkholes but smoldering and belching smoke.

 

Well, he wasn't entirely alone, he mused, absenting petting at the large and colorful beast that stood faithfully. A Simurgh, one of Eden's unfinished creations. The head of a dog, the feet of a lion, and the rest of the body like a bird. A peacock in some regards, with how vibrant and showy its plumage was.

 

"Good work, Hifaz," Adam complimented with a smile, stroking hands through the neck and ears. "Not a single one got away because of you."

 

Hifaz growled pleasantly, but they quickly became snarling, looking to the Hellhole.

 

Adam frowned behind his mask, eyes shifting to it. "How many must I slay before they learn my descendants are not their cattle?" he asked in displeasure as he watched the next batch of demons crawl forth.

 

Except, it was only one.

 

Technically, it wasn't a demon.

 

Adam rankled his nose angrily as he realized who this was. "Be wary, Hifaz. This is not a foe for you to best," he warned as he got to his feet.

 

Despite the warning, the winged hound still followed after him protectively.

 

Adam landed just away from the pit as the figure stood before him.

 

He was a shadow of his former self.

 

Literally, in the moment.

 

Lucifer was bound to Hell. He could never leave.

 

But Hellholes were twisted points  where Hell  and Earth met. From here, the Devil could project himself as a blacked shade  taking  his own likeness, complete with red eyes and spots on his cheeks. IT made Adam think of the once gleaming seraphim as being covered in soot and ash.

 

Fitting.

 

Ada glared at the Archtraitor  who  stared back at him with a  look that was conflicted but  ultimately unreadable.

 

Adam was no fool. He knew he could not defeat Lucifer. But his shade? He could banish him  rather   easily .

 

"Adam," Lucifer greeted slowly. "How long has it been?"

 

"Damn  well  not long enough," Adam retorted harshly, Hifaz growling from over his shoulder.

 

"Oh. The Simurghs! I'm glad  to see  they weren't...scrapped," Lucifer said, trying to appear calm.

 

"If you're here to help your scouts, you're a little late," Adam said, nodding over his shoulder at the slain demons.

 

Lucifer only glanced.  "Believe it or not, every  demon in Hell doesn't answer to  me."

 

Adam hummed without comment.  Listening to the Devil wasn't  a  smart  thing , but ignoring him  entirely  wasn't either.

 

"If you're not here to plague my descendants more, why is your sorry self here?" Adam asked pointedly. "Tell me before I blast this hole heaven-high and whatever else is on the other side."

 

"Wait, don't, please!" Lucifer said quickly, holding up his hands in surrender.

 

Adam raised an eyebrow. Lucifer was a great actor, but fear and panic were not in his literal hat of tricks.

 

"Adam, I....dammit, I don't know if you're the worst or the best person to come to, but I think you're the only....the only one who would understand," Lucifer said, glaring at the ground. "I need your help."

 

The world somewhat stopped at that. Creation itself might have paused for all that Adam cared.

 

He stared at the Devil for a long  few seconds before he did  the only thing he could.

 

"HAHAHAHA!" 

 

He laughed. He laughed long and hard, holding his belly, his wings flapping  a bit .

 

Lucifer winced at the noise but didn't react otherwise.

 

"You, asking me for help?! Ha! I don't know if that is the worst lie you could have told or the most hilarious jest ever crafted!" Adam boldly declared.

 

"I'm not lying...and it's not a joke," Lucifer said with a weak glare. "Just hear me-"

 

"No," Adam cut in. "I've seen what happens when you try to help others," he said, motioning to everything. Literally everything, all of  Creation . "I don't want to see what happens when someone else helps you. Now crawl back to your demoness and-"

 

"It's for Lilith!" Lucifer shouted, making Adam pause. "This isn't about me , this  is about her, I swear."

 

"And that should mean something to me?" Adam asked coldly. "Or did you think I hold her  that much  higher than you?"

 

"Damn you, Adam, please, just listen! This isn't about Hell or anything else! But please  for  the Love of Creation, help me remove Lilith's curse!" Lucifer cried out.

 

Adam opened his mouth, then closed it. He finally looked at the King of Hell with more than just disdain. He was curious. "What curse?"

 

"The Curse of the Unborn! The curse that every child we have is fated to die! The curse that has made every baby she bore pass in our arms! That curse! That....." Lucifer stopped his ranting as he saw the look in Adam's eye.

 

Horror.

 

"You...you didn't know?" Lucifer asked slowly.

 

"Lucifer, as far as I know, no curse was ever leveled on Lilith," Adam said slowly.

 

"There is! I can't heal or treat whatever is wrong with her! She just.....she just...."

 

Lucifer fell to his knees, and Adam looked on in disbelief.

 

"Adam, I know you hate me, hate both of us, but please! I'm begging you! Don't make Lily endure this forever! She doesn't deserve to bring life into  creation , only for it to succumb before the first breath."

 

Adam starred for a long, long time. Hifaz whined uncertainly behind him. The Simurgh was not stupid , it  understood everything going on to a great degree. The beast's mood mimicked Adam's thoughts.

 

How did he even respond to this?

 

Part of him wanted to revel in their sufferings. Had he not known the same pain? Still, births were extremely rare with how hearty his descendants were, but young death did happen with how wild and unforgiving the  earth  could be. And he had seen plenty of children taken before their time.

 

Part of him wanted to mock the great Lord of Pride, kneeling before the human he had looked down on for so long.

 

Part of him wanted to kick him back into the pit, back to the Hell Queen  so  they could make and bury another spawn. 

 

But he didn't.

 

Because maybe, just maybe.....

 

"Are you sure it's a curse?"

 

Lucifer blinked. "What?"

 

"Are you sure a child of a Fallen Angel and a Would-be Human can even survive being brought into Hell?" Adam asked evenly, frowning as he kept himself...civil . For  the moment.

 

Lucifer furrowed his brow. "I....nothing is wrong with the children. I've checked. They should have lived. But they didn't. They even had a soul, Adam! But they  just  keep....."

 

Adam hated what he was about to say. But he had to.

 

"It never gets easier, burying your children."

 

Lucifer stopped. And blinked. And looked almost hopeful yet scared to hope. "Does that mean you'll....?"

 

"I will ask Raphael to come here. But she comes here. We're NOT coming into Hell for this," Adam said firmly. He knew that would be a hard sell for Lucifer. After all, there would be little to nothing Lucifer could do to stop them from taking Lilith away and imprisoning her somewhere else. He fully expected a refu-"

 

"I understand."

 

"...What?" Adam said in surprise, looking to Hifaz, who equally looked confused, tilting his canine head.

 

"What?  I know Hell isn't a  very... welcoming place  and  I don't ...really  expect anyone to still trust me anymore," Lucifer said with a weak smile.  "I just.....Lily is all I have. I ruined everything, I get that, but...I have to try and make the best of things I can for her.  There .....there isn't anything  else I can do anymore, after all."

 

Adam starred. "Just answer me one thing. I'm not promising any help, but I'm still charging you for the attempt," Adam said formally, stalking forward, leaning down to glare into the angel's eyes. "What, by all your infernal realms, do you think you have the RIGHT to ask that after you doomed my fallen children?"

 

Lucifer looked down. "Adam, I tried.... we tried so hard to protect them."

 

Adam watched him impassively.

 

"It's not like Heaven, okay, where so many are ready and willing to help! It's not even just a worse version of  Earth !  Sinners spawn on all seven of the rings  and  we  only  barely have some of them under control!  Everyone I try to trust is usually out for something. Power, mostly. Or they want me. Or Lilith. Or both of us. But souls make demons so much stronger," Lucifer said with gritted eyes. "I didn't want this, I didn't want any of this! Just wanted to Help!"

 

"...You know what the first part of trying to help someone is?" Adam asked evenly. "Asking, how can I help?"

 

Lucifer blinked.

 

"It wasn't just not wanting your help, Lucifer , it  was a pure fact that we didn't need it," Adam said with a head shake. "You and Lilith saw a problem that did not  exist,  and created every problem that ever was, is, and will be."

 

With that, Adam turned to leave with Hifaz.

 

"I'll tell you what is decided, Lucifer," Adam said, vanishing in a shimmer of light.

 

Later

 

Days later, Adam returned,  this time  wielding a staff instead of a sword.

 

And he suspected Lucifer had not left that spot where he sat  in  that entire time.

 

"You're back!"  Lucifer said with  joy,  genuine joy  as  he watched the man approach with a simurgh following him.  "What did they say!? Will they lift the curse?!"

 

"There is no curse," Adam said pointedly.

 

"What? But that's....." Lucifer trailed off. "No, no, no. You think I'm lying, you're not going to help, no, no, no...."

 

Adam promptly tapped him on the  head,  hard.

 

"Ow! What was that for?!" Lucifer asked with a glare.

 

The winged hound might have laughed behind Adam.

 

"Listen to what I say before drifting  off  into madness," Adam said firmly. "There is no curse. The Angels were not even aware of the concept of Still-Birth at the time, let alone being able to curse you. That said, Raphael is willing to look her over and, if possible, help her."

 

"R-really?" Lucifer asked in amazement. "That's great! Thank you! I don't...I don't know what to-"

 

"There is a condition. And it's not from me," Adam interrupted.

 

"Oh. Oka?" Lucifer asked, curious and worried.

 

"You have to swear to never try to go to war against Heaven," Adam explained firmly.

 

Lucifer starred, starred, and starred some more. "I don't....why would...that's....," Lucifer trailed off. "Is that what you...what all of them think of me? That I want to hurt everyone?"

 

"Lucifer," Adam said firmly. "You literally did hurt everyone."

 

"I-I know that, but that was an accident! A terrible, stupid, irresponsible accident  but  I wasn't TRYING to hurt everyone! I don't...I would never want ..., " Lucifer buried his face into his hands. "I didn't want any of this. I don't want to hurt them, any of them."

 

Adam remained unmoved.

 

"I'll make whatever vows you want, just please help Lily. And...." Lucifer finally looked up. "Adam, I'm so sorry. For everything."

 

"....Well, that's a good start," Adam said idly,  but  his tone lighter now. "You know when I died and got to Heaven? I thought for sure I'd meet you two up there."

 

"Wait, what? Why? You...you knew we were banished...?" Lucifer asked in confusion.

 

Adam shrugged. "I figured if I  was able to  get Humanity starting to spread and thrive with no powers in nine hundred years? Surely two those could have fixed whatever mess they made."

 

Lucifer's eyes went wide. ".....You mean, you didn't...?"

 

"Hate you? Lucifer, I didn't start hating you until recently. When I started to doubt you were ever going to even try to climb out of the hole you made for yourself," Adam explained. "Now get your wife out here, Raphael is waiting."

 

"Right," Lucifer said  slowly  as he faded away  for a moment . He returned and nodded. "She's coming up."

 

All three parties looked down as Lucifer's shadow darkened and rose, taking the shape of a woman. Just like that, the Queen of Hell stepped forth onto  Earth .

 

She seemed as she ever had. Proud and strong. But there was weariness and...confusion in her eyes as she looked at the man  once  her husband. "Adam? Is that you?"

 

He grunted in acknowledgment.

 

"Why do you....?" she asked, looking over his attire. Namely the mask.

 

"Are we  hear  to talk about my problems or yours?" Adam asked pointedly.

 

Lilith opened her mouth but closed it for a second. "Very well," she said, turning to the Simurgh. "Lord Raphael."

 

The hound shifted to take the form of a tall seraphim, his  normal  smile replaced by a stern line. "Lilith," he said, glancing at his fallen brother, "Lucifer."

 

Lucifer winced. "Thought that was you. Bit  hard  to sense things with this soul-projecting thing I have to do, "he said in weak humor.

 

No one laughed.

 

"I could hear everything," Lilith said softly. "I am...not cursed? This wasn't part of my punishment from Heaven?"

 

"If it had been, I imagine Adam would have verbally lashed us harder than Michael striking down a foe," Raphael said with a snort.

 

Lilith raised an eyebrow and looked to her ex-husband, who gave nothing in return.

 

"May I begin?" Raphael asked, getting a nod. Lilith nodded, allowing him to lean down and place a hand just away from her body, holy light radiating from his hand with streaks of green to it.

 

Lilith was warry but refused to show more than a pensive  pinch of the brow .

 

Lucifer placed a ghostly hand on her back in support.

 

Raphael sighed. "This was your own doing, it seems," Raphael said, withdrawing his hand. "When you....left to be with Lucifer, your nature as the First Woman was revoked."

 

Lilith scowled at the reminder but held her tongue on the matter. "So, for that, I  am unable to  bring life into the world? Because I chose my love instead of it being chosen for me?"

 

Adam took a breath. "Bitch, shut up and listen for once in your entire fucking existence."

 

Lilith was more surprised than offended by the sudden  profanity,  while Lucifer was frowning.

 

Raphael was bemused but pressed on. "What it means, Lilith, is that your nature was Undefined. And since you both decided to rush into the entire situation that led to the Fall, your nature was still undefined when you Fell. And Falling....deformed part of your essence. You are, in a sense, a demoness. But the inner workings of your soul are not entirely aligned with your body. Specifically, the part of you that  truly  was supposed to bring life into the world."

 

"....It's my fault," Lucifer whispered, putting a hand on his face, a broken smile on his face. "It's my fault, just like everything else. Of course, this is my fault too, why-"

 

"Lucifer."

 

He stopped as he looked  up,  and found Lilith smiling at him, touching his cheek.

 

"It was my decision. To go with you, to help you, all of it. This..."  she  trailed off, touching  her  abdomen. "Is a consequence of my own actions. Nothing more."

 

He smiled softly, and both angels were sure he was crying back in Hell.

 

"I can fix it," Raphael informed evenly. "If you-"

 

"I'm aware," Lilith said with a sigh. "Do I have any assurance that Heaven will not come and raid Hell to the ground if I do this?"

 

"We're willing to make a mutual  treaty,  to deal with the demonic incursions," Raphael informed.

 

"I suppose the treatment won't begin until then?" Lilith predicted.

 

"Bitch, he already fixed you," Adam informed flatly.

 

Lilith blinked. "Excuse me?"

 

"He did?!" Lucifer spoke up in shock.

 

"I solved the problem of your soul as I found it," Raphael informed with a small smile. "I am the Archangel of Healing, after all."

 

"But....what assurance do you have that I'll still make the agreement?" Lilith asked skeptically. "Why would you....?"

 

"Consider it an act of good faith," Raphael said.

 

"The only one we'll ever give if you bot don't deliver and come to the table," Adam said flatly.

 

"Though, I suppose I should mention, you are...not as fertile now as you would have been. I would not expect to have more than one child a century," Raphael informed.

 

"I....that..." Lilith trailed off before sighing. "That is the first act of genuine kindness I've received from anyone besides Lucifer in ages. Thank you."

 

"Don't thank me, thank Adam," Raphael said with amusement. "Some of the Thrones wanted to leave you as you  were,  rather than risk you siring more "threats to Heaven" as they said."

 

Lilith looked at Adam in surprise. "And you refused to let them."

 

Adam shrugged. "I've been cleaning up your mess for millennia now. Might as well as fixing your plumbing too."

 

"Adam," Raphael said with a headshake and a smile he tried to hide.

 

"You have spent far too long around Gabriel," Lilith decided with a sigh.

 

Thousands of Years Later

 

"And that was how Uncle Adam started  to reconcile  with Mom and Dad!" Charlie declared with a grin. "And that's when Heaven and Hell started to get along. Mostly."

 

Her younger siblings, the twins Baph and Met, looked up as the ceiling shook. "Adam, you fucking ass, why did you blow up my poor apple tree!?"

 

"Mostly," Charlie said with a chuckle. "Ever since it was discovered that souls can be redeemed, Heaven has been helping Hell keep the peace over the demons, making sure no one tries to abuse the power of Hell to take the souls of sinners to become Overlord."

 

"Sister?" Baph said, raising her hand adorably. "Question. How did Uncle Adam know what plumbing was?"

 

"Wasn't this long, long, long time before humans invented that?" Met added in confusion.

 

"I do....! Not know, actually," Charlie said with a frown, tapping her  chin,  and   heading over to the window. "Uncle Adam! Can you see the future?"

 

"Hellflake, are you that fucking high again?!" Adam yelled back.

 

".....What Does He Mean Again, Charlette Morningstar?!" Lilith's scolding voice rang out through the manor.

 

"Oh boy, got to go!" Charlie exclaimed, crawling out the window. "See you later, girls! Be good for Mom and Dad!"

 

"Hellflake, fucking run , she's  going all shadow-hentai on us!"

 

Lucifer sighed as he held a baby in his arms,  both of them  examining the dead tree. "Your uncle is an ass, but he's a reliable ass," Lucifer muttered begrudgingly to the baby, who.

"Onc El! Onc El!" the baby cooed.

Lucifer sighed. "Well, that's another point for Adam on the "Mom/Dad/Uncle is their First-word" scoreboard."

Notes:

Okay, so, clarification? This takes place 2-3 thousand years after the Fall. This is before a LOT of bad things would have happened in a more-canon timeline. This is Pre-Flood, back when humanity lives for up to 900 years. And Heaven has been growing weary of Hell, but the majority see it mostly as an unfortunate hazard of Creation now rather than a potential threat/enemy.

This was truly a spontaneous oneshot on my part, no big plan or anything. I mainly just wanted to write a scenario similar to the Adam and Lilith oneshot, but with Lucifer apologizing. And I decided to explore a VERY AU timeline where Lucifer actually apologized a ONG time ago and Hell ever became TRUE Hell. In this timeline, there was never any war between Heaven and Hell, no exterminations, and redemption got discovered a long time ago.

Yes, everything literally got better because Lucifer apologized. Guess it really does start with Sorry.

Also, made a good poochy name Hifaz and gave Charlie some adorable sisters named Baph and Met. Might use them in other fics, but they're here for this at least.

Chapter 15: Adam and Lute

Adam and Lute  AKA   God  likes to do the opposite of a monkey's paw.

 

Lute kept her face hard as she flew to the light of Heaven, leaving Hell in Defeat.

 

Leave Adam's  corpse,  with only his halo in her hand.

 

Lute gritted her teeth . She  refused to cry . Not  now, not yet.

 

She would not let Hell see her tears.

 

She flew through the portal and.....

 

She blinked.

 

Or tried to.

 

She couldn't move.

 

[Hm . I  chose the wrong rib.]

 

"What....?" Lute whispered as her vision started to clear.

 

But it wasn't Heaven that greeted her eyes.

 

Or at least it wasn't the Pearly Gates.

 

It was a forest . Heaven  had those  too , but...

 

Still didn't feel like Heaven.

 

But it didn't feel like Earth.

 

And it definitely wasn't Hell.

 

"Where am I?" asked in confusion.

 

"The Garden of Eden."

 

The voice made her eyes widen.

 

Her every fiber felt both alert and calm at the same time.

 

She slowly turned and looked up at the being.

 

Tall, taller than Adam . Pure  white, down to the suit and hat . The  face was featureless save the pleasant smile . Four  giant eyes floated by the head, two on either side.

 

She knew  exactly  who this was.

 

Everyone  did,  upon meeting him.

 

"My Lord God?" Lute asked breathlessly.

 

"That is I," God answered with a nod.

 

She wanted to ask why she was here . What   he  desired of her . If  He Could Bring Adam Back, But-!

 

She couldn't.

 

Why?

 

God brought a long finger to his lip in a shushing motion . " Hmm, you turned out paler than I imagined," he noted  with amusement .

 

Lute blinked and looked down.

 

She only now noticed she was naked.

 

Only....that didn't...bother her?

 

No, what did bother her was realizing her wings were gone!

 

Why ?  Was  this punishment for failing Adam ?  Was  she going to be cast out and-

 

"Who are you?"

 

Lute froze . She  almost cried . Could  that be....?

 

She slowly turned  and  she saw....him.

 

Adam.

 

But it wasn't the same Adam she knew.

 

There was no ancient look in those golden eyes , no hard edge to his smile and emotions .  There  was almost an....innocence about him.

 

He was wonderous to look at.

 

Also...he was naked  too .

 

His eye came over her with something purer than lust or love or anything else. 

 

It was starting to come together in her  mind,  what was happening.

 

It was impossible, but nothing was impossible for God.

 

"Adam," God spoke, his form shrinking as he settled into a human form that greatly resembled Adam  with  flowing white hair and eyes like all the stars in the sky.

 

"Hey, Old Man," Adam greeted with a smile.

 

Lute was  more than a little  alarmed by Adam calling God like that, but the Creator just chuckled . " Young Man," God said with a nod . " As you know, Lilith has absconded with Lucifer."

 

Adam looked down at that . He  didn't look angry or jealous . Just  tired, sad, and resigned.

 

"You still need a mate, my child . A  wife, a companion," God said, placing a hand on Lute's shoulder . " I have made her of you."

 

"Of me?" Adam said, blinking before looking both alarmed and annoyed . " Did you take my heart out or something?"

 

"Oh, nothing so dramatic!" God said in amusement, pointing to Adam . " Just a rib."

 

At that word, one of the ribs glowed beneath Adam's chest . The  one right over his heart.

 

Lute's eyebrow went wide . Wasn't  it supposed to be the bottom rib that made Eve....?

 

Adam looked to Lute again, and their golden eyes met.

 

She felt...something . A  connection.

 

Not, a literal connection.

 

One that radiated hope yet cautious worry.

 

'Do you want to be here?'

 

'Yes.'

 

'With me?'

 

'Yes!'

 

' Are you sure?'

 

'YES!'

 

Adam smiled  and  Lute felt her own eyes glistening.

 

He stood up  and  they approached.

 

She could still feel the connection.

 

But he wasn't....speaking now . He  was looking at something . Nothing  physical.

 

Could he....see what she knew?

 

[No.]

 

Lute's mind went to God, even as she stared at Adam.

 

[Only you and I will know.]

 

Lute didn't understand why this was happening but knew not to question it as Adam held her.

 

"Lute," he said with warmth, love, and care . " Your name is Lute."

 

Lute smiled and nodded as she was taken into his embrace fully, head to his chest.

 

"Welcome to Eden, Lute, Mother of Humanity," God proclaimed softly beside them, almost like a priest overseeing a wedding.

 

Or exactly that.

 

Mother of Humanity ? The  title rumbled in her head.

 

She wasn't....entirely in control of herself, but...

 

[You may act however you wish, but your body will not reveal anything of that Would-Have-Been]

 

She quirked an eyebrow at God.

 

So....she'd know to not take the apple?

 

God smiled.

 

[You wouldn't have fallen for it, memories regardless.]

 

No, Lute doubted  that she  would ever have fallen for that snake's words.

 

"As I have told Adam, I will tell you," God said to Lute  out loud . " This Garden is your Kingdom . It  is your duty to help Adam rule  it , care for it, and tend to it and all the wonders within .  Listen  well to  the words of your  husband ,  so that you might know Eden through him as much as me."

 

"Yes, My Lord," Lute answered formally, looking to Adam . " I'll do all I can to support you, Sir."

 

"Sir?" Adam repeated in amusement, leaning his head on her head.

 

"Do you...not like me to call you that, Husband?" Lute asked with a blush.

 

"No, it's fine, "Adam assured . " Makes it more special when you say my name."

 

"I'm glad you think so," Lute said with a smile . " Adam."

 

Yep, he clearly enjoyed it as they  both just  basked in each other's presence and the growing bond of their love.

 

Lute felt like crying inside . She  would have done anything to have Adam back and alive and well . This  was all that and more.

 

Adam had always been so bitter about  not being able  to protect Eve from Lucifer and Lilith . This  time, she'd be the one to protect him.

 

Oh, and she hoped those two showed up.

 

She'd kick Lucifer right in the balls.

 

And Lilith in the cunt.

 

And than.....

 

...well,  she still had to figure out the whole Mother of Humanity thing.

 

But she knew she'd face that and whatever else Creation and God had in store for them.

 

God smiled, happy and amused by this change he made.

Notes:

Something nice, short, and sweet. Post S1 Lute gets dropped back into Eden, taking Even's place as Adam's new wife after Lilith runs off with Lucifer. Consequences of this are a potentially Unfallen Humanity(or at least it's not the first gen that falls) and Lute doing the first ball kick in this timeline.

To explain Lute's state? Her Canon mind and her Eden self hadn't fully fused yet. That's a deliberate thing on God's part. It basically allows Lute to experience this as if she was just created like Eve was while being able to appreciate what she knows from the other timeline.  It's mainly there to keep Lute from telling Adam about everything that would have happened. 

Chapter 16: Defiant Defense

Defiant Defense  AKA  Emily  is  cast out of Heaven for trying to go against the Exterminations. But with a twist.

 

It came suddenly to Hell, into the Ring of Pride.

 

From the portal to Heaven, something shot forth.

 

Like a star.

 

A falling star.

 

It scorched the skies, turning them from a bloody crimson to a fiery scarlet.

 

Panic and screams filled the air as it impacted the lands out of Pentagram City.

 

Lucifer was the first to arrive.

 

After all, he knew what happened.

 

The only thing that "star" could have been.

 

The only question was, who?

 

The crater was massive, scorched black with molten ridges steaming from the impact.

 

"Dad!"

 

Lucifer looked up in surprise to see Charlie arriving on the back of Razzle, her girlfriend arriving on Dazzle. "Charlie! What are you doing here!?" he asked in concern.

 

"I came to see what just happened!" Charlie answered earnestly. "I thought Heaven was sending some kind of attack."

 

Lucifer sighed as the two came down. "No, I'm afraid to say it's something almost worse. They cast out an angel."

 

"They did?" Vaggie asked in surprise and alarm, looking down at the crater. "And it did that!?"

 

Lucifer looked at her idly. "You were dewinged, weren't you?"

 

Charlie blinked." Wait...you knew Vaggie was an Angel!?"

 

Lucifer blinked. "Yes? Didn't everyone?"

 

"Not...exactly," Vaggie answered with a wince. "But...yes?"

 

"Right, tabling that for later. Dewinging is the poor man's cast out. Someone got the formal boot like I did. It's a lot more painful and showy," Lucifer explained with bitterness that he tried to hide with false amusement.

 

"They cast another soul out?" Charlie repeated with a frown.

 

Without hesitation, she jumped over the edge and began to hurry and slide down as safely as she could.

 

"Hon!"

 

"Charlie!"

 

Her father and girlfriend both ran down after her in concern as they got deeper, closer to the epicenter.

 

"Charlie, wait! We don't know who this is or just what they did!" Vaggie called out.

 

"She's right! Fallen or not, that doesn't mean their friendly," Lucifer forewarned.

 

"Friendly or not, they have to be hurt after that-" Charlie suddenly  came to a stop . "Do you hear that?"

 

Everyone came to a  still  and listened.

 

"Help! Please! Someone, help!"

 

"I know that voice!" Charlie exclaimed as she hurried down  even  faster the rest of the way, heading to the smoke. "Emily, is that you!?"

 

"Charlie!?"

 

A figure leaped out of the smoke. Lucifer tensed  and  Vaggie clutched her spear defensively until they saw it was a sobbing woman. A fallen angel with blue hair, curled horns on her head, and....bright red eyes.

 

Red,  and sobbing.

 

"Charlie! Please, I need your help!" Emily exclaimed as she rushed to the princess.

 

"It's alright, Emily! You'll be fine, I promise!" Charlie assured, holding Emily's hand in comfort.

 

"You...are okay," Lucifer noted with a pinched brow, looking Emily over.

 

"It's not me! You to help! Please! He's hurt!" Emily answered.

 

"He?" Vaggie  asked with a frown  as they all looked back to the smoke.

 

Lucifer summoned his wings and , with a single flap,  sent a gust of wind that dispelled the obstruction.

 

Everyone else raised their arms to cover their face, but Vaggie and Charlie stared in disbelief at what they saw.

 

His mask was cracked but still displayed the expression of someone in a pained unconsciousness.

 

His once luminous wings were burned red with black tips of the feathers. They looked like scorch marks rather than  coloring

 

His robes were tattered and burned.

 

"Adam?" Charlie whispered in utter incomprehension. The man she had hated and feared for the past months, and now he was....here? Cast out? She wanted to turn Heaven against the idea of the Exterminations, but she never thought...

 

Lucifer could only watch with a lost look in his eye.

 

"Oh my god....." Vaggie said with a smirk. "They actually cast his ass out!?"

 

"No, no, you don't understand!" Emily said urgently, stepping  back,  closer to Adam. "He....he tried to save me."

 

"What? Him?" Vaggie asked in disbelief.

 

"Wait, he....he tried to save you from.....?" Lucifer said, painful memories from ten thousand years ago echoing into the present. "From falling?"

 

Emily nodded tearfully. "They..... I kept asking, pushing, pleading for them not to go through with the Exterminations! The  Elders,  they summoned me to a t-trial. Mine. But Adam, he.... he " She  smiled a little bit. "He called them all idiots. When they cast me out, he tried to stop them.  It didn't work, and  he.... he ended up falling with me.  He-"

 

"He took the brunt of the  Fall . He protected you," Lucifer finished, eyes still halfway glazed over. "He wouldn't let you get hurt."

 

Emily nodded repeatedly, tears falling.

 

For a moment, no one moved.

 

Then Lucifer was suddenly over at Adam's side.

 

"Dad?" Charlie said in surprise.

 

"What are you doing?" Vaggie asked the Devil.

 

"Helping him," Lucifer answered bluntly.

 

"Why!? This is our chance to finally be rid of him!" Vaggie said.

 

"Vaggie!" Charlie said in disbelief.

 

"Hon, I know you care, and I know he's already hurt, but he has been our enemy this entire time! He was going to kill everyone in the hotel! He still  might " Vaggie reasoned.

 

"Vaggie, I understand all that, but I'm not going to stand by and let a soul get killed needlessly. Not even him. Especially after what Emily just said!" Charlie reasoned.

 

Lucifer ignored them for the moment as he knelt down to Adam's side, lifting his hands right over the body and hoping he could still do-

 

Adam's hand was suddenly grabbing his wrist. It was almost painful.

 

Lucifer looked and saw one golden eye of the mask was open, glaring at him.

 

"Adam, I know you hate me," Lucifer said slowly. "But you did the one thing for that girl I...I wished anyone had done for me. And you did for her...exactly what I did for Lilith when we fell. So please.....let me help you. Don't  make have  to let her cry any more than she has to."

 

The First Man glared a moment longer before his eye closed  and  his hand fell away.

 

"Thank you," Lucifer sighed in relief and used his magic to help heal the fallen angel.

 

It might not be the best idea in his life.

 

But he was used to making less-than-best decisions.

 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Emily whimpered  softly  as she watched Lucifer helping him.

 

Lucifer smiled softly for a moment before returning to his work with a frown.

 

Adam  falling,  to save another soul from the judgment of the Elders.

 

Just what was going on up there?

Notes:

Well....yeah, I did that. Unique twist on Emily and Adam falling at the same time. If this AdamxEmily? You can definitely read it as the start of one. Regardless, yes, Adam actually stuck up for Emily. This plays on the idea I have in many fics that Adam would be the first to defend a winner's place in Heaven. Even someone who disagrees with him.

 

Beyond that....yeah, this would be a unique thing just in terms of reactions. This endears Adam not only to Charlie for the selfless act, but Lucifer for....So many reasons. Enemies or not, Lucifer wished he had someone like Adam in Heaven long before the fall. No one knows what this means for the future or what's going on in Heaven at this point. Just that they have two....very powerful fallen angels in Hell with the now.

Chapter 17: Holy Puppet Strings- NSFW

Notes:

Fair warning, this is very NSFW.

Puppet's Holy Strings AKA   Adam  has  a very  well-trained informant in Hell.

 

Velvette silently made her way to the embassy. Being part of a trio with Vox, she knew how to fly below the radar  so  the  common  sinner took notice of her. And if they did, they promptly scrammed and pretended they never noticed her.

 

She did what she did every time she came here. She didn't even have to sign in. She  was expected .  She placed her phone on the table , along with  her obviously stylish bag.

 

With that done, she promptly knelt on the hard floor and stayed there.

 

She smiled as he arrived like clockwork, just as she had.

 

"Just on time, Doll," he greeted with that same grin, somehow sarcastic and tender at once, mocking and soothing. "Did you miss me?"

 

"Yes, Daddy," Velvette answered, leaning forward with  decidedly  hungry eyes.

 

"And were you a good little bitch and got what Daddy wanted?" Adam asked as he strolled around her, looming over her as one hand drifted over her pigtails and scalp.

 

She shuddered, knowing  exactly  what those powerful, thick fingers were capable of, of all the torments and delights they promised. "Yes, Daddy.  I have all the information on the Overlords you  asked  for,  and some more."

 

"More?" he asked, gripping her hair some more. "You trying to get your Daddy to do your dirty work, Doll?"

 

"No, Daddy! I ju-just thought you'd like to know about some new faces, promise!" Velvette explained, shivering as she subconsciously spread her knees, feeling the heat growing within her.

 

"Hmmm...." he held her for a moment before smirking, releasing her hair to pat her on the head. "Good Girl."

 

She smiled at the praise. "Thank you, Daddy."

 

"Did you bring everything else  too ?" he asked as he stalked to the table.

 

"Else, Daddy?" Velvette asked as she saw Adam peek into her bag.

 

He frowned at the lack of certain items. "Did you forget to bring the toys?"

 

Velvette tried to look apologetic. She really tried. "Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy," she purred. "Your Doll can be a bit stupid sometimes."

 

Adam smirked. He knew what she wanted  and  he'd oblige.

 

Velvette watched with delight as the holy, golden chain formed in Adam's hand. It formed  more and more  until it came to her and formed a collar around her neck.

 

He pulled it. Hard.

 

Not enough to drag. Just enough to choke  her .

 

He leaned down , he  leaned so far down until his mouth was by her ear, his great golden wings surrounding them. "Looks like my naughty puppet needs her strings...tightened," he said, his free hand coming down to roughly grope her ass. His middle finger was teasing sex already.

 

There was no rule, no reason an Angel couldn't own a Demon's soul.

 

But .....

 

More shackles formed on her arms and legs, the small length of chains pulling themselves upwards, off the ground, and moving her limbs exactly and only as he allowed.

 

She didn't know if it was an Angel thing or an Adam thing or what, but he could do things with the chains of a Soul Contract that would make Valentino  salivate  and beg for lessons.

 

Not that her Daddy would ever humor him, she knew.

 

She was face down in the air, her bindings arching her limbs and back to the edge of discomfort, just before pain.

 

He walked in front of her  and - her eyes froze as he  took off  the mask.

 

She loved it when he took off the mask.

 

When she got to see those stern  soft  eyes.

 

As harsh and as gentle as the Sun.

 

"Time for my bad girl to  be punished ," He said, cupping her chin.

 

"Yes, Daddy. Please, punish me, Daddy," Velvette whispered in want.

 

Adam smirked.

 

That was all it took to make her clothes start to burn away in heavenly fire. It was  warm,  it lapped and kissed at her skin, but it didn't hurt.

 

He owned her soul. His power only hurt her when he wanted to hurt her.

 

He smirked, turning her to the side in midair, giving him a perfect angel to spank her ass.

 

"Ohhhh, "Velvette moaned as she felt his hands dig into her flesh.

 

And  spanked  her again.

 

"I'm so sorry, Daddy," Velvette  said with a grin . "I didn't mean it~"

 

Because she did mean it.  

 

She wasn't sorry.

 

Not yet.

 

She wanted to be.

 

Adam chuckled in his throat as he let her try to egg him on.

 

After all, toys need a tune-up sometimes.

 

Timeskip

 

Suifficently punished, pleasantly disciplined, and thoroughly fucked. That was the best way Velvette could describe how she felt after one of these sessions with her Angel Daddy.

 

He was even nice enough to let her rest on his lap, curled against his chest while using his giant-ass robe as a blanket.

 

"Satisficed, my little fuckdoll?" Adam asked with a smirk, still holding a soul leash to her throat. The only  restraint  remaining in sight.

 

"Very, Daddy. Thank you for reminding me who I belong to ~" Velvette purred, hands running over his hard, haired chest. "Mmm, may your doll chat now, Daddy?"

 

"What's on your mind, Doll?" he asked with a grin down at her.

 

"Lucifer- sorry, Lucicunt's daughter is doing something," Velvette informed with a hum. "Something about trying to make a hotel to rehab sinners?"

 

Adam snorted. "Well, ain't that a joke. Redeeming sinners is a laugh already, but trusting the Princess of Hell to help with it? "

 

Velvette hummed.

 

".....What is it, Doll , talk  to me," Adam ordered, albeit tenderly.

 

"I wish it wasn't a laugh, Daddy. That I could someday ... come up with you. Even if you keep my soul, I wouldn't mind.  This  is already heavenly for me," Velvette said with some cheek but genuine desire.

 

Adam hummed, and it was a deep rumble in his chest. "I sometimes wonder what happens if you die down here, Doll. Not double-die, but the regular kind. Do you respawn normally? Or would you respawn in Heaven as my little demonic slave girl?"

 

"Mmm, I like that," Velvette said with a giggle. " Just...give  me enough leash, Daddy, even if our sessions become a lifestyle."

 

"Just enough to hang yourself, my puppet," he teased, nuzzling her head.

 

Puppet. Yes, that's what  she  was. No matter how she danced or talked big or anything else, no matter how powerful of an Overlord she became, she ultimately was a puppet on holy strings, and Adam  her  divine puppet master.

 

"....Did you have to burn all my clothes again?  Replacing those rags isn't like snapping my fingers , you know ," Velvette said with a pout.

 

Adam slapped her ass in amusement, making her hum pleasantly at the final strike.

 

His puppet. His sexy, fuckable puppet.

 

Heaven wouldn't be as appealing if being redeemed meant that would change.

 

But at the same time .....

 

Well,  she'd have to be the Best "Good Girl" in Creation if she got redeemed, right?

 

It was a nice thought  at  least.

Notes:

So, shipping names: GuitarDol, Velvette Strings, and HashtagDick.

So, yeah, very spicy Adam/Velvette fic with Velvette being a bit of a Bratty Sub for Adam, but a very well trained one, working for him in just about...any way he wants. Probably would do so even without the Soul Contract, but that's part of the fun for them.

And yeah, using holy means to bind the service of demons is hardly a rare occurrence in myths and fiction. Hello King Solomon, Hello Inuyasha. Anyway, yeah, Angels can make deals like that too. And it really is up in the air if Adam's versitility with Soul Chains is an Adam-Skill or an Angel-perk.

Did not plan on writing this, but here we are. Upped the rating of this collection because of this chapter, and contributed to the pool of "Adam is a Top, not a Bottom" fics. All in all, good bit done. Oh, and as for why it didn't show the full sex scene? Saving that for if I ever make a full story out of this.

Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this steamy bit

Chapter 18: Unfallen King

Notes:

Probably my most AU of AUs.

Unfallen King AKA Adam awakens to find a world he does not recognize and could not even begin to fantasize about

"Sir! Stay with me, Sir! ADAM!"

Adam smiled softly to himself as Lute's voice started to fade away despite the screaming.....

"Sire? Can you hear me, Sire?"

...Only to have it return clearly as her voice got softer and calmer.

He opened his eyes and saw her sitting at his bedside, smiling. "You had us worried, Sire," Lute said in relief, smiling much more easily than he remembered her doing.

Adam opened his mouth before closing it. "Where the fuck am I, Lute?" he asked, bringing a hand through his face.

"You are back in the castle at New Bereshit," Lute informed with some amusement in her eyes.

Bereshit? The original word for Genesis? The fuck?

His confusion must have shown, Lute frowning in concern. "What do you last remember?"

"Lucifuck beating the shit out of me," Adam remarked with a sigh.

"He did do that," Lute said darkly. "Don't worry, the Devil's avatar was killed off and the cur banished back to Hell."

Adam blinked.

It was only now he was noticing things different about Lute. Her uniform had more armor along the arms, shoulders, and knees down to the feet. Also, her sword looked more badass, an eagle head for the pummel.

He was in a stone room, made with something like marble but a silvery grey. He was lying in a very comfortable bed, large even for him. The room was filled with things...trinkets. Things he had never seen but felt so familiar. An armor stand too. Two, actually. One armor for a man, the other for a woman.

"Sire? Is something wrong? Should I fetch Raphaelon?" Lute asked, her worry growing as he looked around the room as if he had never seen it before.

Adam was about to ask who the fuck was Raphaelon when the door suddenly opened.

"Lute, is he- oh thank heavens you're awake."

Adam stared in shock as he saw the last person he expected.

Lilith.

She was standing there, smiling, dressed in a purple robe with a love v-cut down to her navel, still smiling, like she was happy to see him, Why Was She Smiling At Him!?

Lilith blinked, looking down. "What, did I leave crumbs in my bosom again?" she asked curiously before looking back at Adam.

"Lilith....? Why are you...here?" Adam asked slowly.

Lilith tilted her head. "What wife wouldn't be checking up on her wounded husband?"

What?

WHAT!?

Adam's wings suddenly appeared- when had they not been there?!- and propelled him halfway to the roof.

"Sire!?" Lute exclaimed.

"Adam...?" Lilith said in confusion. "What's wrong? It's me, Lilith."

That was the fucking problem!

Seeing he was still on edge, still looking ready to bust through the wall or ceiling- and he really was!- Lilith slowly approached and.....

Adam blinked as he saw something he never even imagined.

Wings came from Lilith's back. A dark purple, darker than her eyes, but they radiated a sense of comfort and home and love.

And above her brow formed a violet halo.

Lilith was...an angel?

What?

What......?

He slowly descended, his form trembling as her wings slowly, gently touched and coiled inside his golden wings.

"My love, what is it? What did I do to put that look in your eye?" Lilith asked gently.

She hadn't spoken to him like that since before.....everything.

"How....how are you here? Like this? You were cast down, with Lucifer," Adam murmured slowly.

Lilith's eyes went wide as Lute stiffened. "Adam...why would I be cast down with the serpent?" Lilith asked with something akin to dreaded suspicion.

Adam stared at her in disbelief. "You're...really going to make me say it? You fucking left me for him! You....." Adam said slowly. "What The Hell Is Going On!?"

Lilith stood there, unmoving and unblinking. For a long, long moment, she did nothing before slowly withdrawing from Adam. She turned away and walked several steps away, slow and heavy, before her hand grabbed at a bedpost.

Her wings twitched.

She took a deep breath.

An aura of wrathful, divine, amethyst power surrounded her.

And finally.

She screamed.

"SAMAEL, I WILL RIP YOUR TESTICLES OUT THROUGH YOUR PUTRIDD COCKHOLE AND MAKE YOU FEAST UPON A SOUP OF YOUR OWN BLOOD AND SEMEN!"

The whole room, no, the whole castle and more shook with her wrath as she stood there, bathing in her own holy wrath.

She didn't even notice she had crushed the bedpost to splinters during her declaration.

Adam could only stand there, bewildered, mind racing and.....admittedly, kind of aroused.

"Lute. Go make sure everyone remains calm after that....outburst, please," Lilith requested softly.

"Madam," Lute said with a nod of respect, looking to Adam. "I will return soon."

Not soon enough!

Lilith stood there for a long moment, halfway turned to him, just staring at the bed and the broken post. She took a deep breath and...

"Are you crying?" he said slowly.

"Was I not one to cry, however you remember me?" Lilith asked softly. "Adam, I don't know what you believe of me, but I swear, whatever that snake made you think, it.....I swear, it was not real."

Adam starred. "Are you....trying to sell to me that the last ten thousand years has been nothing but a fucking long-ass nightmare?!"

"Ten thousand? But that's....that's all the way back to Eden," Lilith said with wide, horrified eyes. "You don't remember....anything of our time together?"

"I...remember us fighting a lot," Adam said slowly.

Lilith nodded. "We did that for a while. You were a little too accustomed to how Eve used to be."

".....What do you mean, how Eve used to be?" Adam asked slowly.

Lilith blinked. "Eve? Your first wife? The one Lucifer tricked into being his bride?"

Adam starred.

"...Oh. I see," Lilith said with a bitter smile. "He made...Me, the first wife in this...illusion of memories. He always hated that I refused him."

"....Funny, that's what I remember you saying about me," Adam said with a scowl, confused and wary.

Lilith trembled in sorrow and rage. "Adam? I love you."

Silence.

That was all that was in the room, silence. Adam could barely comprehend the words Lilith just said. Her, loving him? Like this?

But....she had said it so firmly, so confidently, so.....Lilith-like. Underpinned with anger and worry, but still. It was there, and it felt...real. Genuine.

"Adam, I promise, I will help you remember. And if you don't believe me...." Lilith looked down. "You're not trapped here. This is your home, your realm as much as mine. You can go back to Heaven if you distrust me still."

Every word from her lips was oozing pain, and his heart ached to hold her, soothe her.

What was wrong with him?

"....How do I know this Lilith before me isn't the fake, and the Lilith I dread isn't the one I'll have to face again? The one who hated me so much, she doomed my entire bloodline....?" Adam asked quietly.

Why the fuck was he talking like that?

Lilith stared at him and for once seemed lost in what to do or say.

Then she began to hum.

He...didn't know this song.

He knew he didn't.

Never heard it in all his life.

So why did it....feel familiar?

"That was the song I made for our firstborn. I hummed it to every unborn child I grew pregnant with. You loved it. Made such...funny lyrics for it, sometimes an entire song for a child," Lilith said softly. "That's how we always worked. One of us made something, and together we made it better."

"We did?" Adam asked honestly, his shoulders relaxing. "That...My...She always hated my input. Thought I was trying to control her."

Lilith smiled nostalgically. "We argued a lot at first. But because of that, we managed to work it out. We still don't always agree. Sera only knows the number of times you and I have been at odds about how to handle things."

Adam fell silent. His head had been spinning before but now it was starting to settle. "And you're saying...Lucifer did this to me? Made me remember these things that never fucking happened?" he asked, looking down at his hands in disbelief.

"Lucifer," Lilith spat. "That was a title he bore in Heaven. I only call him by Samael, for he is a venom to be drawn from Creation, no longer a light to be admired."

".....I need a moment. Please," Adam said, hand to his face.

Lilith nodded slowly. "When you are ready, Adam," she assured. "Do you wish to be alone, or may Lute still enter?"

Adam paused before nodding. "I....she was still with me in the...."

Lilith didn't question further. "....Adam? I can't imagine hurting you. I truly cannot. To be your enemy is....anathema to me. And I hope I can prove that to you."

"....I mean that much to you, this time?" he asked softly.

This time, the meaning made her skin crawl. "You proved your love to me time and again," she assured. "You mean more to me than all the joys to be found in Heaven, all the wonders throughout our world, and all the powers that lurk in Hell."

Adam could say nothing in the face of that.

Lilith left with one final look of love and sorrow.

She closed the door and sighed.

Two people were in front of her.

"Not here," she said, waving them to follow her down the royal halls a short distance. "Adam is well in body and spirit, but his mind is plagued by a set of false memories. A life where I was Samael's bride and Eve was the second wife, the Mother of Humanity."

The two shared a shocked look at that. "I'm sorry, Madam, this is my fault. I should have been at his side to protect him," Lute said, falling to one knee with a head bowed.

"And slain by the Serpent's avatar? No, Adam would have never allowed you to fall so needlessly," Lilith said softly. "Go to him. He needs you. Your bond is one at least that the serpent could not touch."

Lute looked both relieved and apologetic at that knowledge, rising to return to the room.

"And I, Mother?" One of the Eldest asked with a wrathful scowl. "Does father recall those of the Eldest Born at all?

Lilith sighed. "I don't know, my son. Your father was terrified and I could not get far into what he remembers and what he has forgotten. But I can't blame him. To imagine myself waking up to Samael as my husband after all these millennia of fighting and hatred," Lilith said, visibly recoiling at the notion. 

The Son of Adam and Lilith growled, one of his strong arms moving to the blades at his side. "There are still straggling servants of the Devil from that last attack. I will seek them out, see if I can't get some insight into this curse placed on Father."

"Take Alastor with you," Lilith said with a smile.

"The Stag runt?" he asked skeptically.

"He's grown now, and an excellent hunter," Lilith suggested.

He nodded. "I'll stop and ask Spymaster Voxal if he knows anything of value yet before I depart. Be well, Mother, O Queen of the Night."

"You as well, Satan, O Adversary of the Devil," Lilith returned with a smile as the hulking man left with a determined stride to his step.

Meanwhile, Adam blinked as he came out to the balcony and laid eyes on his...Realm.

It was a massive city. It would seem primitive to the unwise, being made of stone and such, despite the buildings reaching many stories. But Adam could see and sense things he had not seen in ages. Wonders, mystical material, and arcane machinations not known since before the Flood.

He saw people, larger than modern humans should be, walking and talking. He saw beasts long since extinct, and some that were never finished in Eden.

"This is New Bereshit?" Adam whispered in soft wonder.

"No."

Adam turned and saw Lute walking towards him.

"New Bereshit is the entire realm, far beyond these lands. Heaven on Earth, we angels call it. This is the capital, from where you rule, High King Adam, Guiding Monarch and Guardian of this World," Lute said, bowing deeply to him briefly.

Adam stared and felt something choking in his throat. "I.....Lilith and I, we never....we never fell?" he realized numbly.

Lute nodded, slow and deliberate. "This, Sire, is the Throneland of you and High-Queen Lilith. This is Kes."

Kes. Throne. Amusingly blunt.

"....Lute, I'm afraid I'm going to wake up. That this is just some.....wonderful dream I dared to let myself have," Adam said slowly.

Lute considered that statement. "I don't think so, Sire, "she mused. "Otherwise, would you not be enjoying it more? Would your mind not fool you into believing it more easily?"

"I....." Adam trailed off, conceding that point.

For now, he'd just enjoy the moment. Enjoy this fantasy.

And if it was real....?

He'd deal with that later.

"You know, the last thing I saw before I woke up was you begging me not to die," Adam said idly.

Lute nodded. "Despite your attempts to stop me, I'd gladly give my life to defend you, Sire."

"....I also called you Danger-tits. A lot," he informed idly. "Do...I do that still?"

"The Queen prefers to call me Danger-teets," Lute remarked as an answer.

Adam could only stare before bursting into a bout of laughter.

Lute smiled.

Wrong memories or not, Adam was still Adam.

Notes:

And there we go. Had this idea brew in my head for a while. Kind of similar to the "Adam and Lute" idea, but Adam doesn't get any buffer or explanation, resulting in a minor mindfuck as he wakes up as the king of a world where he and Lilith are still together and never fell. This results in....a lot of things, including an antediluvian fantasy world, the Sins being the Eldest Children of Lilith and Adam, and many other things. Like Alastor and Vox being royal agents.

Also, yeah, Lucifer/Samael is very much a Dark Lord figure in this world, like Sauron or Morgoth. The world is better in a lot of ways, but still fucked in others.

PS Yeah, Bereshit is the Hebrew word for beginning, what the Book of Genesis was originally called and Kes is the word for Throne

Chapter 19: A Deal With Adam

A Deal With Adam  AKA Charlie makes a deal with Adam. This...doesn't go the way she expects.

 

"Let's make a deal!"

 

The end of Adam's song came to a screeching half as Charlie forced herself back into the meeting room.

 

"The fuck you just say?" Adam asked flatly.

 

"A deal?" Charlie repeated nervously. "You know, kind of the...culture of Hell?"

 

Adam stared at her. So did Lute, but Charlie was focused on Adam.

 

"Okay, Sulfur-Britches, you have my attention. Keep it," Adam said, waving to her.

 

"Please, I just want you to give this a chance! And, you know, obviously, call off the twice-yearly exterminations! And I'm willing to make a d-deal with you, "Charlie said nervously.

 

"Right, I figured that much," Adam said neutrally, feigning boredom. "Now why don't you skip to the part of, what the fuck do I get out of this?"

 

"I....wait, can Angels even make Deals?" Charlie asked in curiosity. "I'm sorry, I should have asked that first, but it never occurred to me until just now!"

 

"Obviously. And yes, Angels can make "deals" with other souls. Both Sinners...." Adam paused with a smirk, holding up his hand.

 

Charlie gapped as a soul chain and collar appeared on Lute's neck, as golden as Adam's wings. The exorcist looked entirely unbothered by this.

 

"And Winners," Adam finished with relished, pulling Lute closer and embracing her with a wing.  Now she smirked as well , leaning into Adam's chest as he placed a large hand on her hip.

 

"In front of  the Hellspawn, Sir?" Lute asked with an almost suggestive tone.

 

"Not today," Adam said with a smirk.

 

Charlie swallowed. Adam was turning out to be.....a lot of what she worried he would be and even more. Come to think of it, Adam was the leader of the Exorcists and the only male. Were....were all the Exorcists in deals with Adam!? Did he own all their souls!? Like some kind of sick slave harem?!

 

No, no, she had to focus. She had to be strong. And she had to....not back out.

 

"I'm willing to do...anything you want, anything at all. If you give me those two things and still allow me to run my hotel," Charlie explained.

 

Adam studied her as he released Lute and dispelled her collar. "Okay.....I'll call your bluff," Adam said with a smirk as he held out his hand. "I'll call off the extra extermination, figure out some way to help your little shitshow of a hotel, and I won't do anything to sabotage your efforts. In exchange, you do anything I say, no matter what the fuck it is."

 

That was....very loaded in wording and made her soul all but his.

 

But....

 

She swallowed.

 

"Deal," she said, reaching out to grab his hand.

 

Adam kept his eyes on her as they were encased in spirals of holy and unholy flames, a chain forming on Charlie's neck. She shivered at the feeling. The weight, the meaning, and...

 

Surprisingly snug and comfy? It looked like metal but it felt almost like leather or something softer.

 

Still, she chose not to focus on that, slowly bringing her attention back to Adam who was.....gapping at her like a fish.

 

"Holy FUCK, you were actually serious!?" Adam said with disbelief.

 

"I....yes? " Charlie asked with a blushing scowl, looking to Lute who was...also somewhat dumbfounded, but it was hard to tell how much with the mask. "What, isn't this what you wanted?!"

 

"I thought your ass was bluffing!" Adam defended, leaning on the table and rubbing a hand over his mask. "Okay, wow, you actually meant all of that shit about wanting to help Sinners."

 

"You didn't even believe that?!" Charlie asked in outrage, glaring at her....boss? Master? Contractor?

 

"Hellflame, I don't believe anything that's from your parents. Especially you, because your ass came from both of them!" Adam pointed out, waving to all of her. "But apparently, you were telling the truth. Fuck! Here I thought this was some weird scam or something. Alright, fine, I'll listen," Adam said as he took a seat .

 

"Wait, you will!?" Charlie asked in shock as she raced back to the table.

 

"Bitch, before you made that deal? You were just some sheltered hellborn princess, a brat of barely two centuries preaching to the Father of Humanity about wanting to redeem the fuckheads that fall down here. Now? You actually got fucking skin in the game, besides your pride."

 

"Pride.....?" Charlie repeated with a small frown. "Did you think...that was all this was for me?"

 

Adam shrugged. "Lucifer's pride made him arrogant enough to fucking ruin Eden. Lilith's made her ambitious enough to turn Hell into a threat. Your pride? The pride of a Morningstar wouldn't put you on my leash."

 

Charlie furrowed her brow. "And your pride didn't play a part in it? Wanting dominion over all things, even my mother?"

 

"First off, I didn't fucking "want" dominion, I was fucking given it. By Heaven! Literally what I was born to do. And fuck off about me and your mom. The dominion shit didn't apply to her, she just didn't like the Angels took my side. Which they did, because I actually fucking listened to them."

 

"You're saying you didn't want to control her, but..." Charlie said, waving to herself and Lute.

 

"Don't use me as an example," Lute said flatly.

 

"I enjoy a girl on a leash and somehow I'm an asshole, but it's fine if she wants to tie a guy up and peg him through a mattress? That is bullshit, Princess!" Adam said flatly

 

Charlie opened and closed her mouth "I did not need that mental image," she said with a sigh . "Okay, so...I tell you about my hotel. Then...what?"

 

"The fuck you mean, then what?" Adam asked with a head tilt.

 

"Look, I just want to prepare myself a bit. What do you want me to....do?" Charlie asked with a wince.

 

Silence reigned.

 

She chanced a glance. Lute was...annoyed, but Adam was shocked. "...What? What now?" Charlie asked with a sigh.

 

"You thought I'd rape your ass!?" Adam asked in shock. "Prin- no, fuck it, Charlie? I'm an Angel. A Virtuous Soul. Literally the first fucker after the Fall to get into Heaven. I don't do that kind of shit!"

 

Charlie blinked and stared.

 

"Did you forget we're from Heaven, Hellborn?" Lute asked with a glare. "We might kill scum and traitors to protect the Souls of Heaven, but we're not vile like you wretches. The closest thing to that is noncon-play."

 

"That's not a sin?" Charlie asked in honest surprise.

 

"Do you even know what a fucking sin is?" Adam asked flatly. "Like, what actually makes an action a sin? Or are you like those puritans on Earth that think booze and DnD are sinful?"

 

"Well, not DnD obviously ," Charlie defended weakly.

 

"Oh my fucking god," Adam said with a sigh. "Okay, Charlie? I'm not going to violate you, period. Now, if you want to ride the A-train, just fucking say so. That said, I weirdly respect you a little more. Insulting aside, you had the ovaries to make that deal while thinking the absolute worst shit would happen to you. So, props for that, I guess?"

 

Charlie starred. "I...." she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. You're right. I assumed the worst of you. Despite the history you have with my parents, I guess you have to be in Heaven for a reason."

 

"Damn fucking straight," Adam said with a grin, putting up a rock symbol. "Now, this shit sounds like it's going to go up in flames, but you put your neck on the line, or in a collar, so I'll entertain you."

 

Charlie was a bit annoyed by that, but grateful all the same. "Right, so...what will I be doing then, if anything?"

 

Adam and Lute shared a look. "Sir normally would have made you do something childishly embracing, like a do a silly dance or something. But...." Lute trailed off.

 

"Look, there was a fucking reason we were going to do another Extermination, so if we're calling it off? Your ass is going to help us deal with the problem instead," Adam warned. "But first, your fucking hotel?"

 

"Right, of course!" Charlie said quickly, getting herself reorganized.

 

"And skip the musical , I already have to explain all this shit to my bosses, who will wonder why I'm here so fucking late," Adam requested.

 

Later

 

Charlie sighed as she stood outside the embassy door. That had gone...nothing like she hoped. Or feared. It had gone nothing like anything she could have expected.

 

She mutely reached up and grabbed at where the chain should be. Where it was, really, just invisible.

 

Adam partially owned her soul now. He could make her do whatever he wanted.

 

But Adam wasn't a demon. Despite how he talked and behaved, he was still an angel and refused to do something like that to another soul, even hers.

 

On the surface, everything she expected Adam to be. Horrible, arrogant, trying to control everyone around him. But just beyond that, the moment she made the deal , she saw the other layers . A man who assumed the worst of demons and her family, but still treated her with more common decency than almost any sinner would if they had this kind of power over her.

 

Honestly, why he didn't say anything definitive , the look at the end of her presentation was....thoughtful. Not mocking or supportive, not happy or annoyed. Just thoughtful.

 

How did she make sense of any of this? She didn't know anymore.

 

Adam the Monster who slaughtered her people on a yearly basis with glee.

 

Adam the Angel who was horrified that she thought he was capable of rape.

 

And his parting words...

 

"Hellflame? If not for needing your help to find who killed one of my girls, I still wouldn't let you off the hook. Namely, because your father is probably going to try to kill me, and I need you on standby to defuse that fuckbomb before that shortass starts a fucking war and kicks off the apocalypse."

 

Yeah, he had a point. Her father would probably try, even if Adam had immediately freed her.

 

So she had that to look forward to.

 

Yay for her.

Notes:

Right, I'm sure every Adam fan knows the Adam/Charlie Non-con fics where they make a deal at their first meeting. There are at least two. I decided to make a one-shot about that, but keeping with the "Adam is in Heaven for a reason" and is rightfully shocked Charlie thought he'd try to force himself on her.

 

This is honestly a lot like the Soulamte oneshot, but without the soulmates part. It'd be the slow-burn version. Charlie won Adam's respect and attention with that move, he got hers by being a decent fucking human being.

 

Also, yeah, Lute is Adam's bitch. This isn't surprising in the least. Coincidentally, this can be seen as linked to the Adam/Velvette oneshot.

 

Anyone, hope you all enjoyed this!

Chapter 20: Live, Dick Around, Repeat

Adam had no idea what had started it, what the cause or purpose was, but he knew exactly what was going on.

He was getting groundhogged!

Granted, it was kind of weird. It wasn't always a set time that got repeated, he didn't always start at the same points.

The first time had been back to his first meeting with one Charlie fucking Morningstar.

He treated that run pretty seriously because he didn't know he had fucking infinite runs! That actually went pretty smoothly. Yeah, he died again, but everything else went great. He took demolishing Charlie in court seriously, he avoided his girls getting slaughtered in that trash show of a battle, and even crippled Lucifuck. Fuck, he felt badass doing that. Yeah, letting Lucifer impale him hurt like a bitch, but it had been worth it to tear and burn away two of those wings off!

The second sent him back a full year.

He had been...curious that time. He actually managed to keep any of his girls from dying in that one Extermination that started everything. And in doing so, he got a good look at the would-be angel-slayer. A woman, beautiful he'd admit, with Angel-steel ballet too and a rather tall hairstyle. She got away after he made sure Calli wasn't dying, but he hadn't cared much at that point.

He tried being, well, creative after at. He got Sera to look into a way to deal with Angel Steel being turned against them, just "in case" it could hurt Angels. The idea worried Sera enough to do so without much push or questioning. After all, a sinner had tried to attack them with an Angelic Weapon, it was kind of concerning!

Things were actually peaceful after that. He spent time with his girls, even reconnected with Sera some, and did some extra freaky stuff with Lute.

Then the next Extermination happened and someone recognized Vaggie.

Adam wasn't sure what exactly happened, just that Vaggie died killing a few of the Exorcists. The Hellprincess went demon mode in her grief, attacking everyone angelic in her path. Adam legitimately had to kill her just to stop her.

He wasn't even surprised when Lucifer killed him that time, but...

Lucifer had been crying as Adam died.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Who was he apologizing to, Adam wondered?

His own lonely self, his dead daughter, or his deserter wife?

By the third time, Adam was starting to realize he could fuck around and do what he wanted.

And that was where the fun began.

Adam wasn't sure what loop this was anymore, and he really didn't care. He subtly did a checklist to confirm when he was.

Projecting his form into the Embassy, Lute was in Bloody Armor, the Room was dark as fuck. Got it, about to meet Charlie.

This meant Calli was still dead and the Six-month extermination was going to happen.

He could work with this.

With a snap of his finger, the lights came on and he made a portal down to Hell.

"Sir?" Lute as in confusion.

"Decided I wanted to mess with her in person, Danger-tits," Adam answered casually as he sat down.

Lute raised an eyebrow but shrugged it off. Adam was Adam, after all.

They waited and, right on cue, Charlie Morningstar walked through the door. "Oh! Hello!"  she greeted politely as she entered with a smile. "I'm-"

"Hold it, stop right there!" Adam said suddenly, making the hellborn princess pause in confusion. "Nice try, Scratch, but you're not fooling me."

Lute furrowed a brow uncertainly, but Charlie was just openly confused. "I'm sorry?" she asked in bewilderment.

"You should be! You think I don't recognize your fucking scent, Lucifuck?" Adam asked flatly.

"You know what my dad smells like?! Wait, I smell like my dad?" Charlie asked, pulling her shirt up to smell herself a bit.

"Yeah, keep trying this bit. Look, I don't care if you turn your ass female, I'm not going to fuck you!" Adam said pointedly.

"What?" Charlie asked in surprise.

"What, was I not clear every damn time yet? I. Am Not. Fucking. Your Twinkass," Adam answered slowly, expertly feigning frustration. "Just because you fucked both my wives does not mean you get to fuck me as part of some sick set!"

"I.....think there has been a misunderstanding.?" Charlie replied, very confused and alarmed by what was being said. "I-"

"Just because I'm the only human from Eden you haven't fuck, is not a reason for me to fuck you, you selfish ass! I fuck who I want to fuck if they want to fuck me," Adam said firmly, defensively.

"I...what?" Charlie asked weakly.

"Fuck," Adam said flatly, as if that was an answer.

Charlie was so lost!

Lute was only doing mildly better.

"Right, I'm done with this shit. Oh, by the by? And we're fucking do bi-yearly exterminations now," Adam informed.

"What?! Why!?" Charlie asked desperately.

"Because you shortass wouldn't pick up a phone and listen about a little problem we have! And once again, you can't do your fucking job, so I have to do it myself!" Adam ranted with a sigh. "You know, I heard about that daughter of yours."

"But I....you have?" Charlie asked, giving up on correcting this.

"Yeah, and it'd be really fucking creepy if you were using her form to seduce me with, you fuck, "Adam said flatly.

Charlie agreed with that sentiment, even if she knew this wasn't the case. But...had her Dad been trying to sleep with Adam!? And this was Adam!? The Adam!?

She felt like she was in the third book of a trilogy and skipped the second book by mistake.

"Anyway, sounds like a sweet kid. Bit of an idiot, but I think they have to be if they're that much of a cinnamon bun in Hell," Adam said deflectively, enjoying the conflicting look on Charlie's face from the mix of insult and compliment. With that, he put on a look of annoyance. "You ever tell her you're the reason we have to do this soul-killing shit!?"

"What is that supposed to mean!?" Charlie asked in alarm.

"If you actually tried acting like a goddamn Warden, we wouldn't be worrying about these shitheads uprising and hurting everyone in Heaven!" Adam ranted off.

".....Really?" Charlie asked slowly in a small voice.

"Well, duh. You think coming down to kill my descendants was my first instinct?" Adam asked flatly.

Charlie was silent, her head spinning.

'Anyway, get the fuck out of my embassy!" Adam said, unfolding his wings, and sending Charlie tumbling out of the meeting room. "And I don't care if you sent Lilith to Heaven, I'm still not fucking you! Let it go like fucking Elsa did!"

"Wait, what was-!?" Charlie called before the doors slammed shut.

Adam grinned wide and leaned back in his chair, feet on the table. "And, nailed it!"

"Sir, with respect, THe Fuck Was that?" Lute asked bluntly.

"Just trying to stir shit with the Royal Ls," Adam assured.

"Ah. So you didn't mistake her for her father?" Lute asked for clarification.

"of course not! She smells much more like her mom," Adam waved off.

"Yes, should you have really mentioned that part, Sir?" Lute asked in concern.

"Just planting a Seed of Doubt in the Infernal Garden," Adam said mysteriously.

Lute starred at Adam. He was actually taking this marginally serious, it seemed. The death of her fellow exorcist grieved her, but she was sure her fallen sister would be proud to see her demise summon forth some of Adam's more dangerous, ancient, rusted qualities.

"Now....." Adam paused to open a portal behind Lute and-

Lute nearly inhaled her tongue as Adam grabbed her and flew through the portal, both of them landing on a bed. Adam ripped the mask off her before she even had a chance to react.

"I know you're down to fuck, so I'll just ask, rough or soft tonight, Lute?" he asked with the smile of a wolf ready to devour its pret.

And Lute grinned at the prospect. "Surprise me, Adam."

Hours later a freshly, tenderly, surprisingly-softly fucked Lute purred and snuggled against Adam under the covers. Granted, it was less "small spoon, big spoon" and more "tea-spoon and ladle."

Notes:

Something I conjured up in the discord with some friends. I am planning on doing this one at some point. Loop fics are a fun way to play around with ideas you don't plan to make their own fics.

But yeah, Adam is looping and having fun with it. He took the first two seriously, then realized he could have a lot of fun with infinite restarts. And each one is a little different because when they send him back to isn't always the same, so it never gets too dull for him.

Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this sneak peek.

PS Also.....even without Timeloops, I could see Adam fucking with Charlie like this.

PPS This is my 20th oneshot in this fandom. Neat!

Chapter 21: Adam's Theogony

Adam's Theogony AKA Adam awakes after death back at the Start of Creation, just not his version of Creation

 

Dying sucked.

 

Having gone through it twice, Adam felt his estimate was accurate.

 

Old age or stabbed, neither really felt great.

 

Granted, being 'dead' was kind of peaceful.

 

It was like floating.

 

Was it weird that he could still think? Maybe souls didn't die, just ...slumbered.

 

His back touched the ground.

 

He blinked at the soft impact and realized he could blink at all , that he could open his eyes.

 

He immediately bolted upright and checked his everything.

 

Fatal Wound? Gone. Good!

 

Genitals? Still there and still awesome. Great!

 

Clothes? Inexplicately repaired. Weird, but okay?

 

Though, his mask was still gone. Bummer, he'd have to make another one.

 

The only thing missing was his halo, which was relatively minor considering he was alive and kicking.

 

"So, the fuck am I now?" he asked out loud as he finally took in the surroundings.

 

There wasn't much to comment on. It was a large flat field of untended grass, dotted with barren patches and the occasional moldy stones.

 

But something was...strange. It wasn't daytime, so why wasn't it dark?

 

He looked u and got his answer.

 

"Holy Fucking Shit!?" Adam exclaimed in disbelief, not sure what he was seeing.

 

There was no sun or moon, no stars. Really, no sky at all. What loomed above in a giant void was this great spinning nebula that ebbed and flowed silently, randomly, pulsing from a core that was every color and no color all at once .

 

He had never seen anything like that before, but he could feel that this was... important . Powerful. And possibly older than himself.

 

There weren't many things older than the First Man.

 

"Okay, not dead, but definitely lost," he muttered, reaching up to make a portal in an attempt to return to Heaven. It formed, but then it collapsed on itself with a pop. "The fuck? That's not normal."

 

He stared at where the portal failed, glancing at his hand in scrutiny . Were his powers on the fritz? If something was keeping him from leaving, the portal shouldn't have formed at all . So what gives?!

 

He stopped with a frown as he looked behind him. "Okay, who the fuck is there?" he called out, looking around for any signs of life.

 

He saw none but didn't didn't mean anything. He could scorch the entire area, but he decided to not attack whatever was out there.

 

After all, if it wasn't a sinner or a demon, he didn't want to kill it.

 

Getting no response, he turned around and began to walk as he got his bearings.

 

What was this, some scrap of Creation left out to float in the great yonder, with some kind of unfinished sun? An abandoned prototype of Earth ? He didn't know of such things, but he never really asked what the Angels did with their scraps before he got to Heaven.

 

Adam's brow pinched as he saw something in the distance. He walked a bit faster to reach it and stopped as he came to the edge.

 

The Edge of the World, apparently.

 

"Fucking fuck," Adam muttered as he looked down over the edge, that lead into a void of nothingness. He looked down either side and saw more of the same, cliffsides that dropped into an unending abyss.

 

He heard something move and rounded about for any potential attacker throwing him into the void.

 

Nothing and no one. Emptiness.

 

His eyes scanned the area a bit longer before he looked back out. He stretched out a wing and placed it out over the void.

 

He didn't feel anything concerning about that.

 

Retracting the limb, he kicked a bit of rock off the side and into the abyss.

 

It floated. It floated as if there was no gravity.

 

Adam unfurled his wings and took to hovering. There was gravity, albeit it seemed lighter than he expected.

 

He cautiously flew just out over the edge and was intrigued to find nothing there .

 

"Half expected to plunge my ass down into some kind of MegaHell," Adam mused to himself as he flew up higher to get a better look at, well, everything.

 

There wasn't much to " Everything "

 

There was a seemingly endless void.

 

Above was the pulsing nebula.

 

And down where Adam had been was an island of earth floating in the nothingness. Granted, it was a bigass island! At least a small country in sheer size. But a planet it was not. More, he could only see green and brown, no water or anything else remarkable about the chunk of land

 

He looked back up to the nebula. He wasn't stupid enough to get too close to it. But still, he wondered what it was. Or maybe, who it was? It could be sentient. He'd seen stranger things.

 

He took a deep breath as he felt his stalker's gaze on him again.

 

The watcher blinked in surprise from behind a rock as the winged being vanished in a flash, as if he was never there. They looked all around before turning around-

 

Adam slammed his hand on the side of the stone, staring intensely down at the now alarmed observer. "Who the fuck are you?" Adam asked.

 

He got no answer, but he had a lot of time to notice "What" the fuck this was.

 

First off , it was a she, judging by the very generous and bountiful form. However, she wasn't exactly ....human. or angels. Or demon. Probably at least. She was green all over. Skin, eyes, hair, even her nails. But parts of her didn't look exactly like skin. Almost like she was covered in dirt.

 

She was still staring at him, right into his sun-bright eyes.

 

Adam blinked as her hair suddenly started to turn red.

 

No, actually, it didn't turn red.

 

Flowers, roses sprouted from her verdant green hair.

 

Adam raised an eyebrow as he reached and touched one, just to confirm it was real.

 

The cheeks of the green woman darkened deeply.

 

Adam retracted his hand quickly before he came off as too creepy, even if she was a stalker. "Well, you got a name?" he asked pointedly.

 

She hesitated for a moment before opening her mouth and-

 

"What is a Name?"

 

Adam blinked She was speaking in the True Tongue. The Original Words. It was how he and the Angels spoke before the Fall. Heaven and Hell both gad a mutual imitation of it, but the True Words had been abandoned after the loss of Eden.

 

Ancient and powerful indeed.

 

Also, the fuck was that question. "You stupid? A name is what you call yourself."

 

"I don't...call myself anything,"" she answered with a head tilt.

 

Adam looked around again and scowled. "Yeah, I guess not having anyone to fucking talk to will do that."

 

"Is Your Name...A-da-m?" she tried.

 

"How the fuck did you-" Adam paused and realized she wasn't looking at him, exactly, but something intangible. "You don't know what names are, but you can fucking see my name ? Weird."

 

She was just more confused and Adam looked her over once more. More exactly , he looked for her name .

 

It was...weird. She didn't have a name, but there was a meaning there already . What was going on?

 

"Alright, fuck it, what are you then?" Adam asked in exasperation.

 

"What?" she repeated, looking around and holding out her arms. "I'm this."

 

Adam raised an eyebrow. "What, you're a hug?"

 

"No? I don't think so?" she answered, leaning down to pick up a small stone. "I am this," she said, holding out the rock.

 

Adam blinked as he took it, trying to understand.

 

"I'm also-" she paused, touching the mossy stone. Adam gapped as she disappeared, her body turning into mold itself before rushing up the rock as she appeared on top of it. " Also this!"

 

Adam was about to say something when she disappeared again, only to sprout up from the grass next to him.

 

"And these!" she informed with a wide smile.

 

Adam didn't just, but he did look at her in disbelief. "Wait, so you're....all of this?" he asked, waving to the large island in the void."

 

She nodded repeatedly, almost perhaps proudly, as sunflowers bloomed in her hair now. "But what are you?" she asked curiously, looking upwards. "You came from up there."

 

For once, Adam hesitated to answer.

 

"And you are so bright, kind of like half of That," she said, pointing up to the nebula.

 

Adam furrowed his brow. "You've never seen anything like me before?" he asked curiously.

 

She shook her head, more roses appearing for some reason. "What are these?" she asked, touching the wings. "These feel......nice."

 

Nice sounded less what she meant and more the only word that came close to her meaning.

 

"They're my wings," Adam answered with a scowl. "Where did you come from?"

 

She blinked and moved back. Then she pointed up . Towards the nebula.

 

Adam furrowed his brow.

 

"Would you like a name?"

 

He wasn't sure why he offered.

 

"I don't know why, but...yes," she agreed curiously, hopefully.

 

When it came to naming someone, as especially important as this? He knew what he was doing. It was a talent, one of his original purposes. He could read and hear her soul, the meaning that rang true to it.

 

"...Tellus. Your name is Tellus," he gave.

 

"Tellus. My name , is Tellus," she said with a wide smile, the roses blooming even brighter now. "And you! You are Adam!"

 

"Yep, you got it all fucking right," Adam said with a smirk.

 

"Thank you, Adam, the Name Giver," she said with a nod .

 

"The Name-what?" Adam asked flatly. It was true, yeah, but still.

 

"I don't know what you are. So, just like I am all of this," Tellus paused to wave to the ground all around. "What you are, is the Name Giver. That's the first thing I know you are. I hope to know more of them."

 

Adam raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'm not sure whatever to do, so I guess you'll have plenty of time," Adam mused.

 

"What is time?" Tellus asked innocently.

 

Adam grunted. He died, but now he was apparently at the start of creation in some other reality, with something that basically amounted to Gaia from Greek Mythologies, or any other Earth Mother figure in religions.

 

Why was he here? Why was he even alive?

 

He didn't know, but until when and if he found a way back, he might as well make the most of it.

 

Besides, Tellus was cute. And he was starting to get the idea of what those roses meant.

 

He smirked. Fucking an Earth Goddess. He hadn't done that yet.

Notes:

Yes, I just flat-out threw Adam back to the start of time to pair him up with an alternate version of Gaia. She is currently the only being in existence, besides maybe Khaos, so rather curious for her first time meeting someone.

 

Adam is obviously very confused but starts to grasp the situation. He's in an alternate reality with an Earth Goddess. And by the title, you know Adam is about to go from Father of Humanity to Father of Divinity.

 

also, Tellus is a less common variation on Terra. Adam didn't want to be too on the nose and use Gaia but also didn't want to use the Hebrew word, as that would just be Adaamma, a female version of his own name. He found that idea a little weird since he plans to fuck her at some point.

Chapter 22: Lu and Lils

Lu and Lils AKA Lucifer and Lilith are turned into children and this is suddenly Adam's problem.

"Lute, do NOT turn your ass into a kid on me!"

Lute wasn't sure what she expected when she arrived at the embassy per Adam's call. That was not it though.

"Sir?" She asked uncertainly.

"I'm serious! Yeah, I can handle more, but I really don't fucking want to! This is already too fucking weird!" Adam insisted, trying to sound authoritative instead of whiny.

"Adam, I need a little bit more to go on than that if you want me to help," Lute requested, already wondering what glorious mess her leader had gotten himself into this time.

Adam groaned loudly. "Right, so, remember that surprise meeting I was supposed to have with...Lucifer and Lilith?"

Alarm bells were going off in her head. Adam didn't use one insulting word to describe the rulers of Hell. That was very...wrong. "Yes, what happened?" she asked slowly.

"I don't do anything, this shit is not on my dick in any way!" Adam said before frowning. "That might sound bad in context. I don't fucking know, my brain is scrabbled."

"Sir! Focus, please, "Lute insisted forcefully.

"Right, right, well....ahh, fucking it," he said, going over to the door and opening it abruptly.

Lute looked inside the meeting room and tried to understand what she was seeing.

She was kind of failing at that simple task.

"Dadam! Lilith stole my snake again!" Kid-Lucifer called out pleadingly from on the table, pointing at the snake made of starlight, held in shadowy tentacles.

"Did not! It was biting me!" Kid-Lilith defended, blowing a raspberry at the fallen angel child she sat across from.

"Sir, are those....?" Lute asked slowly, taking in what had to be the Rulers of Hell in child form. They were young, six or seven probably, and dressed in miniature versions of their normal attire. Or maybe it was the same attire, just magically shrunken?

"Yep," Adam answered in false calm.

"And they're....?" Lute continued, slowly coming to terms with the situation.

"Yeah, yeah, they are," Adam confirmed again with a nod.

Lute nodded, processing that and moving on to the next question. "How...?"

"I have no fucking idea, they were like this when I arrived," he answered flatly. "Lute, I need some fucking help here, okay? Kids I can handle, but between the bullshit their powers can do and trying to figure out what to do about this-"

"Sir, not to worry, I'm prepared for a situation just like this!" Lute assured quickly.

"I...you are? For this exact situation?!" Adam dubiously, starring as Lute just nodded confidently. "Fucking How?!"

"Not important! I just need to make a quick trip back to Heaven, Sir" Lute answered, ignoring how her grey cheeks were a bit brighter from the golden blush.

"Fuck it, if you're sure, go for it Danger-tits," Adam said, waving her on. Lute saluted and quickly departed in a flash. With that, he turned and-

Adam deadpanned as the hyena plushy he had given Lilith was thrown at his face. "You shouldn't talk about a lady's tits, Dadam!" Lilith scolded, hands on her hips while attempting to appear ladylike. Given everything, she pulled it off better than a lot of little girls did. Even some adults.

"Who was that?" Lucifer asked in an admittedly cute voice, hugging his snake plushy around himself.

"That was Lute, she's going to help me take care of your tiny asses," Adam answered with a sigh.

Both children blinked, looked at each and looked back at Adam. "We get a Mommy!?" they both exclaimed happily.

Adam facepalmed.

"Sir, I'm back!" Lute informed.

"Wha- Christ on a stick, that was fast! Woman, the fuck did you get?" Adam asked, eyeing the orb in her hand. "Is that a storage orb?"

"Yes, Sir. It has the essentials, so we should be covered," Lute informed, trying to appear calm and stoic as she held up the orb.

"Essentials for what.....?" Adam asked, very bewildered by this, eyeing the orb with suspicion.

"Wait!" Lucifer called up, looking intently at Lute. "If Lute is our Mama with Dadam, what do we call her?" 

Lilith tilted her head before smiling brightly. "Ma-lute-ma!"

"Really forcing that one, Lils," Adam grumbled, getting a tongue stuck out at him.

Lute, meanwhile, had a very wide-eyed expression. "...What? Mama...?" she asked in a tiny voice, accidentally dropping the storage orb and-

"Oh fuck!" Adam said, instinctively bringing up his wings to block Lucifer and Lilith from the intense flash. "Lute, how much did you....have...in there.....?"

Lute stood there owlishly as the entirety of the storage orb emptied into the room.

Around the room now were many storage totes along with a filing cabinet, a literal bookshelf filled with storybooks, and- "Lute, is that a fucking baby crib?" Adam asked in shock.

"Dadam! We found the toys!" Lucifer declared, Lilith already digging through a box of toys.

"Baby toys," Lilith said with a pout as she held up a "fit the shape in the hole" toy set.

"Oh, come on, Lily! Some of them are fun!" Lucifer countered, holding up a flashing light version of Saimen Says.

"The toys and games for older children should be behind you somewhere, um, Lily," Lute informed, stiffly glancing repeatedly at Adam.

Said First Man was still processing what he was seeing and had found a tote labeled with a "0" and opened it to show- "Are these baby clothes?!" he exclaimed in disbelief.

"You probably want to skip the numbered ones and just look for the one labeled "Pre-Pre-Teen/Post-Toddler" Lute informed warrily, her wings stiff and rigid as she refused to move.

Adam ignored her and shot to the filing cabinet. "Is....is this entire cabinet filled with lists of baby names?!"

"The top drawer has the "must-use" candidates," Lute informed with awkward stoicism.

"Lute. The Fuck?" Adam asked flatly. "What exactly were you preparing for?!"

"Just in case we ever took a vacation, Sir," Lute answered, looking to the ceiling.

"Oh! What kind of vacation?!" Lucifer asked excitedly as he fluttered in the air in excitement.

"Yeah, Lute, what kind of vacation?" Adam asked pointedly.

"The kind that lasts at least for nine months and eighteen years," Lute answered, glancing back to Adam. "Minimum."

Now it was Adam's turn to go silent.

The two child-monarchs watched the exchange curiously while playing with some blocks, Lucifer balancing blocks haphazardly while Lilith tried her best to balance the tower out.

"Lucy?" Lilith asked in a poorly disguised and very excited whisper. "I think we're getting a sibling!"

"We are?!" Lucifer exclaimed, fings bursting out and fluttering happily, knocking over his creation. "I'm going to be a big brother?!"

"And I get to be a big sister!" Lilith exclaimed, arms raised in the air.

"Oh, the fuck you two do!" Adam denied, pointing to them.

"Awww, but Dadam!" they both whined.

"No buts unless you want yours spanked!" Adam retorted before pointing to Lute. "And Lute? We are dealing with these two shits first, then you and me are going to have a very long and...productive conversation about this."

Lute breathed deeply and nodded. "Yes, Sir!" she answered, her wings fluttering happily.

"The Absolute Fuck, where have you been hiding this baby fever!? Adam asked in exasperation.

"I compartmentalized it and stored it away when on duty, then indulge in fantasizing about it every night," Lute admitted honestly, without missing a beat.

"I...Okay, I'm going to compartmentalize THAT shit myself to focus on this," Adam said, waving to the- "THe fuck did they go?!"

Lute was about to open her mouth as Adam stocked forth to find the children in question, but fell silent as she saw Lucifer hanging onto Adam's back by the robe. He grinned at her and made a shushing tone.

Adam looked around for a moment before glaring down at the tote lid on the floor. He kicked it aside and saw a potent pool of shadows and purple. "Lils, up, now."

The little horned girl poked her head out curiously. "How did you find me?" she asked curiously, innocently as she came back out of the shadows.

"Same way I know Lu is on my back," Adam answered flatly.

"Discovered!" Lucifer exclaimed, trying to fly away until Adam reached back and grabbed him by the foot, pulling him back to hold him upside down. Lucifer hastily reached up to grab his hat. "How?! I was super quiet! I even made myself lighter with magic?"

"I can smell you both," Adam said flatly, tossing and clipping Lucifer.

Said fallen angel righted himself effortlessly and landed. With that bit of information, he and Lilith both sniffed themselves and then each other. They shrugged when neither could pick up a smell.

Adam took a deep breath. "Alright. Lute? You get them something to wear. Something that isn't all white, cause you're not going to keep that clean, Lu, and something Lils isn't going to trip over or try to rip apart." Adam paused, balancing at where Lilith had ripped off the bottom of her dress some.

"Yes, Sir," Lute answered, already eyeing the exact tote they would need. "But what about you?"

"I have the shitty pleasure of trying to relay this fucking shitshow to Sera," Adam drawled.

"Dadam cusses a lot," Lilith observed, Lucifer giggling to himself.

Adam walked away and Lute looked to the two children that suddenly bounded over to her. She half expected them to suddenly become a nightmare to deal with. After all, one was the Devil and the other was....Lilith.

But they just both stared up at her cutely, Lucifer looking particularly hopeful. "Can...can I keep the hat?" he asked, holding the accessory with wide eyes.

Lute tried not to smile and nodded. "You may. Come, I have plenty for you to pick from, "she said kneeling down to open the tote.

"Malutema?" Lilith asked as Lucifer eagerly dug through the clothes.

Lute was NOT sold on that nickname but didn't say anything yet. "Yes?"

"Is Dadam still made about what happened in the park?"Lilith asked softly.

Lute opened her mouth, closed it, and furrowed her brow. "Park?"

Lucifer nodded as he pulled out a pink shirt with a white cat head on it. "Yeah, we haven't seen him in a long time. We did something bad in the park, and we got in a lot of trouble."

Lute hummed. Assuming this wasn't a very weird trick, their memories were changed. No, not changed, they're childish minds were trying to make sense of the information and memories, recontextualize them....possibly for their own sanity.

"Why did you call him if you knew he was mad at you?" Lute asked with a furrowed brow.

"Because we missed him," Lilith answered honestly, Lucifer nodded repeatedly as he tried to decide between pajama bottoms with horses or snails.

Lute stared at that.

"Can I wear this?" Lilith asked curiously, holding up a yellow shirt with the word "Princess" written in black, stylized letters.

"Yes, you can," Lute answered softly.

Both children shared a look before looking down. "Dadam is still mad, isn't he?" Lucifer asked expectantly.

"He hasn't forgotten it," Lute answered diplomatically. "What else do you remember?"

"Just a pretty woman we were trying to....." Lucifer tilted his head. "Lily, what were we trying to do?"

"I don't know! I think we were thinking about what she looked like when she was a kid like us?" Lilith suggested with a shrug.

"What woman?" Lute asked with a furrowed brow.

"Her name is Charlie and she is.....someone," Lilily said with a frown. "Someone important."

"Very important!" Lucifer agreed, pointing to the air. "But I forget why?"

Their daughter, probably, Lute realized. No doubt the Princess and the rest of the higher-ups in Hell would wonder where the monarchs were. Hopefully, this was resolved before questions had to be answered.

"Alright, fuck, I got that done. We're keeping an eye on them for now. Which was the most obvious fucking thing she could have told me,," Adam said in annoyance, looking at the pair, dressed in their Pajamas. "Lu, why snails?"

"Snails are cool," Lucifer answered bluntly.

Adam hummed but didn't argue with that. "Alright, I'm going find some kid-friendly movies to roll up for you two, then cook something up," he informed.

"Can it not be ribs? Please?" Lilith requested pleadingly.

"Okay, listen here you little heathens!" Adam mock growled, sending both children into peals of laughter. "Lute, I'm cooking a duck."

"What!? No, don't cook the poor ducky!" Lucifer cried out.

"Oh, I'm cooking it, with apple seasoning," Adam said with a smirk.

"Meanie!" Lucifer cried out with a very large pout.

"Relax the features, it's not a real duck," Adam waved off.

"We're eating a pretend duck?" Lilith asked curiously.

"Tastes like a real one, but yeah, pretty much," Adam answered with a chuckle.

Lute couldn't help smiling as she saw Adam with these two. If he was this good with his greatest enemies in child form, what might he be like with a child between her and him?

But she shoved that away for another time. After all, Adam already promised her a "productive" conversation one day soon. She could wait. And practice with the Morningstars.

Notes:

Something I threw together for Father's Dad, Adam being the Dadam again. This time to Lucifer and Lilith of all people. How or why this happened is largely unknown. But they do have their memories, but things are very fuzzy or misremembered. The Garden of Eden is not "The park" in their minds. A place where they did something bad and Dadam is still mad at them. All true, but kind of upsells it all a bit.

But of course, I had to throw in the sheer amount of Baby Fever Lute is secretly hiding. Naturally, Adam is very perplexed but decides he'll deal with that after the Big Ls are re-aged probably.

Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this!

Chapter 23: In His Image

In His Image AKA Even Adam is someone's child.

For the first take most could recall, Hell had claimed a victory against Heaven's angels, not only pushing them back but slaying the Leader of the Exorcists, the First Man himself.

Adam's body lay before them, his golden blood still pooling into the red soil of Hell.

"So...." Lucifer turned towards Charlie and her friends with an awkward smile. What did people say or do after something like that? "Whose up for pancake?"

They all looked at him with strange or blank expressions for a moment.

Then something happened.

Lucifer wasn't sure what at first, just a strange feeling at the back of his neck. Then everyone started becoming confused, almost wary too. What, were pancakes not a good food anymore?

Then he realized they weren't looking at him.

He turned and half expected Adam to somehow be alive and needing another beating.

But no, it wasn't Adam.

There crouching over the corpse of the First was a man. He was turned away from them, but he seemed...disturbingly ordinary from behind. No wings, his body utterly normal for a human, albeit a little tall. His snow-white hair waved in a wind that didn't seem to be there.

Lucifer's heart, mind, and very soul had stopped.

What did he feel? Dread? Awe? Love? Fear? Excitement? Hate? 

Yes, yes he felt all those things.

"Dad? Who...is that?" Charlie whispered, unsure if this was friend or foe.

As if that question had a simple answer, Lucifer knew it didn't.

The man turned partially, still kneeling by the ground, as he looked towards Lucifer and the group, revealing that he had eyes that looked black yet filled with brilliant stars.

His face was almost exactly the same as Adam, but older.

"Hello, Samael."

Lucifer's throat was drip, but the word passed from his lip unbidden. "Father."

".,..Wait, what the fuck?" Angel Dust said in surprise. "Big D has a Father?"

"Indeed he does, Anthony Palgrini," the Father of Angels answered solemnly.

Angel Dust held his guns a bit firmer. "How the fuck do you know my name?"

Until Vaggie grabbed them, pointing them down. "Don't, don't!" she said nervously.

"Hello, Vagada Parra," the man said, gazing right through her. "I see your wings have returned."

"Oh....shit," Husk said softly, suddenly realizing who and what this was.

Nifty said nothing, only starred.

"I don't understand," Charlie said slowly. "Dad, you never mentioned....."

Lucifer grimaced and couldn't answer.

"Mortals say your greatest trick was making them believe you didn't exist, Samael," the man continued. "I guess doing the same for me was a close second."

Lucifer took a breath. "Charlie? This is God."

Silence.

"God is...real?" Charlie said slowly.

"Your mother wanted to tell you a...version of the story of Eden," God answered with a frown. "But he couldn't bear to include me in it, so she left me out. And you came to assume God was not real, just something humans conjured up. But no, Granddaughter, I've very real."

"Father," Lucifer spoke up, scowling in concern. "Why are you here?"

God stared at him as if he was a fool, just as he had many times before. "What Father doesn't come to mourn their child," he said, looking down at Adam.

"You came for....him?" Charlie asked in...Surprise? Disappointment? Anger? "After everything he's done?"

God shifted to Charlie and she felt as though she had made a mistake.

"Very well," God said evenly as he began to rise.

As he rose, his form changed. Gone was the very distinct likeness of the first man. Now stood a truly giant human in a white suit and hat, not dissimilar to Lucifer's, even holding a long black cane. His face was featureless and blank, save for his mouth. He had four large eyes, but they floated with two to either side of his head.

And just from the shift in form, the air, the very pull of gravity felt like it increased on everyone. Only Lucifer remained unbothered.

"What exactly do you think my child has done?" God asked pointedly, a daring scowl upon his lips.

Charlie stared in shock, her mind unable to catch up as she felt the true vastness of this almighty being.

"Do you think for a moment that the Exterminations began without my consent and approval? Do you think I am some petty despot easily worked around or tricked?" God asked with four narrowed eyes. "I Am God, Charlie Morningstar. All-Knowing, All-Seeing."

"Then.... then you know that we had no choice! Adam was going to kill all of us!" Charlie countered., her father was just watching on with this quiet distress on his face. "We did what we had to do!"

"Yes, yes you did," God said, somehow acknowledging and condemning in the same tone. "And tell me, what exactly did you do?"

No one answered, no one wanted to.

"For you, this is your victory. Revel in it if you wish. For Heaven and I, this was the greatest cut down in Holy Blood since before the Flood," God said softly, looking back down at Adam. "My little gardener."

Lucifer winced. "Father, I-"

"Are You Satisifed, Samael?" God asked. He didn't raise his voice and yet it carried all the same. "You hated him from the very start. You humiliated him, cursed him, ruined his bloodline, and cost him virtually everything at one point or another. Is your pettiness finally happy, sealing him laid low?"

Lucifer gritted his teeth. "He Was A Waste of Dust!" Lucifer snarled, horns returning and eyes glowing red.

"Dad!" Charlie called in alarm, but Vaggie held her back in alarm.

"Yes, I hated him! Because I was the only one who saw the way you treated him!" Lucifer accused. "You fawned over him! You treated him as your favorite being in all of creation! You wanted us to kneel before him and-" 

Nobody had moved.

One second, things were as they were.

Then Lucifer was on the ground, slammed down by a grab to the face from God.

The Devil snarled in the grip of the almighty.

"I Never Made You Bow To Anyone, BOY!" God snapped. "Not to Adam, not even to me! I asked you to come down to Adam and Lilith's level! Because you fucking dumbass, you were all giant compared to them! And not everyone likes to shapeshift like you! But you, you, you! Always with your pride, your ego! I tasked you with the stars in the Heavens and you forgot who sparked light into existence! You looked upon MY creation and thought you knew better than me!?"

Lucifer glared up impotently. "Yes, well, for all of YOUR pride in Adam, supposedly made in your image, he sure must have been a fucking disappointment!"

"You seem to forget. You both Fell, Samael. You and Adam both. He rose back up. You sunk lower. You never stopped falling," God said, glancing up at the stunned Charlie. "But at least you slowed down."

Lucifer snorted. "Please. I bet you would have let him back up into Heaven no matter what he-UGH!" Lucifer grunted as God jerked him up to slam him back down.

"Don't You Ever! Ever! Be little his rightful place in Heaven! You may have thrice the wings, Samael, but you are not half of what he was in life, mortal or angel," God proclaimed with an intense glare from all four eyes.

Lucifer couldn't help himself. He couldn't. "Tell that to his wives."

God was unamused. "You feel proud of that? You managed to corrupt and seduce two women from one man. And all three of them were still learning what it meant to be human," God said with a scowl. "You genuinely disgust me in some ways, Samael. Adored by countless angels and you were after the only beings in existence that are ignorant and powerless compared to you."

"Don't you insult Lilith!" Lucifer roared back defensively. "She didn't love him, and you all wanted to make her be his wife, his breeding partner! You didn't care what she had to say or think!"

"I cared more than anyone," God said firmly, turning to Charlie. "Did you know, Granddaughter? Your father looked down on Lilith just the same. Even when he loved her, he thought her potential was wasted on being human."

"Dad, tell me he's making that up?" Charlie asked in alarm.

Lucifer didn't speak, just balling his fists

"Dad!?" Charlie called out imploringly.

"He can't answer," God said knowingly. "His pride won't allow him to admit he was ever in love with a human, a waste of dust, as he said."

"Don't talk about Lilith that way!" Lucifer spoke up. "She was more than dust, more than human! And you, everyone wanted her to be less, to humble her! I was the only one who recognized her potential and longing to be more than what you made her!"

God breathed deep. "You know, even with omniscient, knowing what you'll say and actually hearing it are two vastly different experiences," God said in disapproval. "Without you, Lilith would have learned to temper her ambitions and impatience, to strive for what she desired. They both would have learned to cooperate, to be equals without either trying to take control."

Lucifer growled. "If I'm such a mistake, why not erase me! Be done with it!"

"Because You're My Child!"

Lucifer stopped in disbelief at God's roar.

"Stupid brat that you are, you are my child and always will be my Morningstar. But there are consequences, Samael! That was what you and Lilith could never accept! You forced and tricked the apple on Eve before she was ready! Lilith decided she would rather be with you, but hated losing her position as First Woman. Eve gave in to her fears of losing Adam and lost her place in Paradise! And Adam...." God sighed deeply. "Adam chose to eat the apple than to be alone again. And you wonder how, despite everything he was, he was in Heaven and not Hell?"

Lucifer glared on, albeit weakly.

"Adam was never my favorite, Lucifer. I didn't have favorites. What I had with Adam AND Lilith were two young souls who needed my utmost attention. You just couldn't stomach not being in the spotlight."

Lucifer grunted, tears in his eyes. "Then why did it grow cold, Father? Why did I feel your love fading, long before I fell?"

"Because you let Hate into your Heart. I warned you, I consoled you. But it was never enough," God said softly, removing his hand.

He stood back up, looking directly at Charlie again. She had watched and listened the whole time. Much like everyone else, she was unwilling and unable to move, to speak up during the entire exchange.

After all, who would want to get between an argument with God and the Devil?

"I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances, Granddaughter," God said solemnly.

"So am I," Charlie answered with a scowl. "What did you expect of me? Of all of us? We were just supposed to sit here and suffer? Die to Adam's hand?! What did you want us to do!?"

God was not bothered by her rage. "Samael and Lilith were meant to manage and contain Hell, not rule it. To be wardens over the souls that sin claimed from their folly. They failed to even attempt the task. Worse, they plotted an uprising of Heaven."

"That's not true! They would-" Charlie started, but her voice suddenly went mute.

"Don't presume to speak their falsehoods to me. The Extermination is a consequence of their actions and inactions. Adam's deliverance of wrath upon those condemned to sin was, ultimately, not evil," God said sternly. "As for you, Granddaughter? I have no complaints yet."

".....Wait, what?" Charlie asked in surprise.

"Your efforts are commendable, even if you fumble the approach a great deal," God said with a small smile. "I hope to see more souls being sent up, preferably without cannibals feasting on angelic flesh."

A pin could have dropped and echoed everywhere.

"Wait, did you say 'more' souls?" Lucifer asked in surprise, wincing in pain.

God sighed. "Samael, just because you haven't figured out how to dig yourself out of the literal hole you've made for yourself, doesn't mean someone else can't. You never did like realizing you weren't the second smartest in the room."

Lucifer's glare was almost a pout, almost.

"....What happens now?" Vaggie asked cautiously. "You don't seem like you're about to smite or curse us, Lord."

"I'm not," God said with a frown, turning back to Adam's body. "You have no idea the amount of souls that will cry out in fury, who with turn away from you. The Death of the First Man, the Father of Humanity, Must Have Consequences," God said in an otherly voice and he raised his hand, Adam's body lifting off the ground, along with that of every fallen exorcist.

With a flash of light, they were gone.

Leaving Charlie to wonder with dread, what had they even won?

Notes:

....Right, I got nothing. Just something I wrote to write it. God shows up, tears Lucifer a new one dips with Adam's body, and leaves on the note of "The Death of the First Man Must Have Consequences"

Honestly, this is the abridged version. The longer version I had planned had God doing some light roasting of everyone else, Charlie included. But for a oneshot, ripping Lucifer a new one will do. 

Chapter 24: IMP Hunt

IMP Hunt AKA Adam meets the Imps.

To Moxxie, it had seemed like their easiest job yet. They just had to kill one very old and very rich man. He was about to off himself, tuning his IV line into a noose! They could just sit back, eat popcorn, and let the human give them a free payday.

Then the makeshift noose glowed with a golden.

A blast of energy knocked the hellborn back and off their feet. as a great and painful light emitted from the room.

"Ow, Christ on a stick, was that a flash bomb?!" Blitzo exclaimed, rubbing his eyes free of the spots.

"Uhhh, Blitz?" Millie spoke up slowly. "We got a not-so-tiny problem."

"Yeah, no kidding, Millie! I-" Blitzo stopped as he saw inside the window again. "Oh. Shit."

Inside the room was an angel. A very tall angel with wings that were huge and golden. He had long white robes and a helmet that....actually kinda looked like a demon. An imp even. Wait was that his face? Were Cherubs not the Heaven version of Imps? Were Heaven-Imps giant!? He felt cheated.

"Good Lord! What amazing wings you have! Are you the angel of money?" the old man exclaimed in shock.

"Fuck, you got a hell of a one-track mind, Lyle Lucre Lipton," The Angel said with a boisterous laugh.

"How do you know my name?" Lyle asked curiously.

"Sag-face, I'm an angel," he retorted flatly as he approached, leaning on the medical equipment. "Look, I'm just paying in a favor for some little angels. Apparently, a lot of people benefited from your inventions, you greedy old shit. And they wanted to send their well wishes to your wrinkly ass. Nice job fucking up with that aging machine by the way."

"Can I die in peace now?" Lyle asked flatly. "I don't really care what poor people think of me."

"Of course, you fucking don't," The Angel muttered. "You know, my eternal stance is that you're not damned until you die, but dude, seriously? I'd be fucking amazed you managed to turn your shit around enough to get into Heaven. Even if you didn't speed up your clock so damn much! Still, a lot of people want you to give it a good shot, so I'm obliged to keep you from offing yourself a little longer."

"That's an angel?" Millie asked incredulously. "He curses more than some of our clients."

"Either way, he's between us and a target," Blitzo said, rubbing his chin. "Asshole is big, but I think we can take him. You know, at least long enough to kill the old man. What do you think, Mox?....Mox?"

Moxxie said nothing, staring with wide and terrified eyes at the giant figure in the room, his red skin practically pink from how scared he was.

"Mox? Moxxie, sweety, you in there?" Millie asked, waving a hand in front of her face.

Moxxie inhaled sharply as he came back to reality. "Get down, both of you!" He hissed, pulling them both down under the window.

"Wow! What the fuck, Mox? You got some kind of Angelphobia I should know about!?" Bltizo asked with a glare that tried to hide his concern.

"Don't you both know who that is!?" Moxxie exclaimed in a hiss.

"Wait, what? You do?! Fucking how?" Blitzo asked with a frown, looking to Millie who was equally lost.

"Sir, that is the Head of the Exorcists!" Moxxie informed in a hissed whisper.

His two fellow imps shared a look of shock, edged with fear as they peaked back up to look into the window.

"Look, here is the best argument I have for your greedy ass," Adam said, holding his hands together, pointing the tips at the old man. "THe fuck do you want to happen to your money after you die."

"Buried with me, of course!" Lyle answered, turning his head up in a huff.

"You know the shit won't work. People have tried, grave robbers always get the shit in the end," Adam reminded in annoyance. "Look, if you die? Everyone is just going to take as much of your money as they can stuff into their fucking pockets. You'd get the full Scrooge treatment, and then some. So look at it this way? You fucking invest that shit into something, and no one else can have the shit. You got the final say in where your money went and nobody can do shit about that!"

"Huh. You do make a very good point," Lyle said with some reluctance. "But there are so many scam charities. I know, people have paid me with money from those before! I'd hate to be on the other end of that if it's the last choice I'd have with my money."

"Good point, shitty reason," Adam said flatly. "And you're the fucking genius trillionaire! You're telling me you can't figure out which fuckers are scamming you or not?"

"Fine, fine, I am making excuses. But nothing for orphans! I hate orphans!" Lyle said, pointing a finger at the angel.

"Lippy, I couldn't give a shit what you do with it. I'm just using op-charisma to make you consider doing some to end your life on a less shitty note."

"Yeah, yeah that's him," Moxxie said with a shiver as they came down. "I saw him once. On E-Day, when I was a kid."

"What? Hon, why were you....?" Millie asked in concern.

"I don't want to talk about him," Moxxie said with a shiver. "Blitz, we can't-!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Blitzo said with a wince. "Leader of the fucking Raiders, just my fucking luck. My dad use to say this fucker would come and cut off my horns if I fucked something up."

"Lord Exorcist. They have songs about him, back at the farm. Some say he used to...visit the other rings of Hell," Millie said. "We used to play games, one of playing as this asshole and the others running before he hunted you down."

"Yeah, this shit is way outside our league. We're booking it out. Any objections?" Blritzo asked rhetorically.

"Just one."

They all froze and looked up and saw the angel in question towering over them, his upper torso phased through the window as if he were a ghost."

"Surprise, Bitches!" Adam said with a grin.

"Scram!" BLitzo said as the trio took off running.

Adam smirked, turning to Lyle. "Been a shitty talk, Lippy, but my holy ass has some hunting to do."

"Okay, please don't come back," Lyle requested honestly as Adam went through eh wall entirely. "Maybe I had too much medicine tonight...?"

"Loona! We need evac, now!" Blitzo called into his phone.

If only because he didn't swear, the hellhound didn't question the situation.

"Is he chasing us!?" Millie asked, looking all around now that they were a good deal away from the mansion, deeper in a forest. All three of them were holding weapons now, Moxxie with a shotgun and Blitzo with an assault rifle while Millie held her Axe at the ready.

"Don't know!" Blritzo said, waiting with gritted teeth. " Mox, you know anything important about this literal giant asshole?"

"Just that the treaty between Heaven and Hell means he can't kill Hellborn without provocation," Moxxie said before swallowing. "But I have no indeed if that counts for Hellborn visiting Earth for assassinations!"

"Wow, shush with that! He doesn't have to know about that!" Bltizo hissed.

"Oh, I already knew about that shit."

The trio looked up in alarm to see Adam sitting lazily on a tree branch.

All at once, Blitzo started firing at him, Moxxie doing so as well.

The Angel didn't even move, looking only mildly annoyed as the bullets bounced off, barely even dirting his robes.

The two imps stopped shooting in disbelief as Adam casually descended to the ground.

"Try this, fucker!" Millie cried out, leaping with her axe to cleave at Adam's head.

"Millie, don't!" Moxxie called out, his mind flashing back to something in his past.

It was too late.

Adam grabbed the blade between his fingers and crushed the metal with barely a hint of annoyance. Millie gapped and before she could even land on the ground, she found a fist buried in her guts.

She immediately coughed up blood as she went flying back towards the other imps. Moxxie caught her in alarm, looking from her to the angel.

Adam narrowed his eyes at the Moxxie before looking at Blitzo. More exactly, his hands. "I can literally see and smell the human blood on your grubby hands."

"Oh, you want to see grubby, huh? Well, lick my ass, Bitch!" Blitzo said, flipping Adam off. "Besides, we heard you in there! You're already betting black at old fuck will be down with us soon, so what the fuck are you pissed about?"

"Humans can be a royal pack of screw-ups, but their mistakes are theirs to make. They get one fucking life before getting sent up or down. And you hellspawed shits don't get the right to so much as touch one of my brats before they die."

"Yeah, real preachy but.....wait, did you just say brats?" Blitzo asked in bewilderment.

Adam smirked a bit.

A portal opened behind the imps. "Blitz, I got-What the fuck is that!?" Loona called out, seeing the angel.

Adam grinned wickedly.

Moxxie's eyes went wide, even as Blitzo pulled him and Millie through the portal.

"Loona, close it!" Blitzo yelled quickly.

"Obviously!" Loona released, ending the spell and closing the way to Earth, right as the angel flew at the portal. "What the fuck was that!?"

"The fucking Lord Exorcist!" Blitzo answered as he rushed over to the married couple, checking Millie. "Shit, Mills, you-"

"Yeah, yeah, just hurts a lot," Millie assured with a pained smile.

"What the fuck do you mean the Lord Exorcist!?" Loona asked in alarm, ears pinned back in fear. "The Great Exterminator? That Lord Exorcist?! That-"

"We need to move, now!" Moxxie suddenly said as he found his voice.

"What? Mox, what are you-" Blitzo stopped as a strange hissing sound filled the air.

The four turned to look in horror as a spark of golden energy formed where the portal had been.

"He wanted us to get away. He wanted us to lead us back here," Moxxie said in terror.

Two hands emerged, gripping the sides of the tiny rift, and began to pull it open.

"Everyone fucking run!" Blitzo ordered as they all ran out the office door, fleeing as if death itself was at their heels.

And he might as well have been death itself for them.

Adam ripped the portal open with great satisfaction as he stepped into Hell. "Really? A fucking office space and everything? Can't even has some fucking makeshift lair in a basement?" Adam scuffed as he stalked through the room.

Down below, the imps and their hellhound soon found themselves on the bottom floor of the building, racing to the van.

"Don't you dare stall on me you piece of shit!" Blritzo muttered as he put the keys into the van. Thankfully, it started without complaint, as if the machine was joined in their terror and needed to flee the area.

"Don't crash, please don't crash!" Moxxie pleaded desperately.

"How the fuck is the Boogieman of Hell chasing us!?" Loona asked in alarm from the passenger seat.

"He was just there! We don't know why!" Moxxie answered in the back, trying to wrap Millie's stomach.

"Shit, shit, this all went sideways so fast!" Blitzo said as they began to floor it away from the office building. "Is he still on us?"

Moxxie went to the rear of the van and looked out the window. "No, no I don't- Oh no, BLITZ, STOP THE-"

The warning came too late as something had gone flying through the sky and hit right into the front of the IMP van.

The vehicle crashed to a stop as metal was cleaved and rended from the impact, the back lurching up for a moment before coming crashing down.  The occupants scream briefly before settling into a stunned silence.

There, before Blitzo's very eyes was a large angelic weapon. It looked like an axe but also.....

"Is...is that a fucking guitar-axe?!" he said in shock. "Fuck, that's actually badass."

"Blitz, not the time!" Millie said, spitting up more blood. "We need to-"

They all stopped as a soft but potent thud on the roof. Then more, slow and steady, moving to the front.

"Fuuuuck," Loona whimpered quietly. Every instinct in her body was telling her to run. No, it was far past run, her survival instincts said it was time to roll over and bend bare the neck, and hope for mercy. But she wasn't stupid enough to expect mercy from the Lord Exorcist.

The footsteps stopped. A hand reached down in front of the forward window, grabbing the hilt of the axe and picking it up with ease, tearing it out of the engine like it was butter.

Something was glowing above them.

"Moxxie, Millie, I regret not fucking either of you. Loony, Honnie? Best thing in my life, really," Blitzo said firmly.

"ADAM!" A voice echoed throughout the city. "The Fuck Are You Doing Here Outside Of E-Day!?"

"King Twink himself!!" Adam called up to a very annoyed Lucifer. "Lucicunt, you got some explaining to do!"

"That's my line, asshole! You know the treaty! Even if this was E-day, no killing Hellborn!" Lucifer yelled.

"Does that include imps killing living humans on Earth?" Adam retorted loudly. "Causei f so, my ass is breaking the treaty, and I promise your ass will be seeing some Archangels the next time I come down here!"

Lucifer frowned as he descended down and landed on the van. "Okay, what are you on about?"

"Is a fucking diplomatic meeting happening on top of my van...?" Blitzo whispered.

"Thankfully for you, yes," a voice whispered softly before they were covered in darkness.

No sooner did Blitzo blink and find himself sitting on his ass in a familiar garden. "What the- Stolas?!" Blitzo looked to the prince in relief, as did the rest of the group.

"Blitz," Stolas said with a soft frown. "I just helped you escape from the King of Locust. What exactly have you gotten yourself into?"

He wished had a good answer for that, he really did.

Notes:

Right, yeah. This has been in the back of my head for a while, Adam showing up instead of the Cherubs. It turns into a straight horror story, with Adam being an unstoppable and sadistic determinator.

This is also using the same lore as Uncle Adam, where the rest of Hell treats Adam as something of a boogieman. The funny part is that most don't know he's Adam the First Man, just that he's the Leader of the Exorcists and have a lot of scary names for him- Lord Exorcist, Leader of the Raiders, King of Locusts, and so on.

But yeah, Adam against the Imps just isn't fair in any way. Hope you all enjoyed this bit. I thought about having Adam get closer to killing them, but meh, wanted to throw in Stolas trying to delay the inevitable, so left it on that note.

Chapter 25: Viceroy of Hell

Notes:

AN Written as a sequel to "Back to Eden" but can be read as a stand-alone.

Viceroy of Hell AKA Adam cashes in that promised Lilith made to him.

Lucifer often didn't get suspicious of his wife. They had a long relationship and trusted each other deeply. That said, he did get suspicious when she was acting strange. Like right now. She had left in a hurried, almost alarmed way all of a sudden before returning. When he found her in the manor again, Lilith seemed unusually concerned about something. "Love, what's wrong? Is Charlie going through another Emo phase?"

That got a small laugh from her. "Nothing like that, Cifer. It's just....we seem to have acquired a houseguest."

"Houseguest? We haven't had one since Satan accidentally glassed his old home in a fight," Lucifer said with a fond chuckle, allowing Lilith to lead him into the living room.

Lucifer stopped in shock at what he saw.

Sitting in a large chair was Adam.

But it was Adam as he hadn't seen him in a long, long time.

Outwardly, not a lot looked different. His white robes were scorched and burned a bit, but the lights of his mask? His wings? Even his halo? All of it had gone from a brilliant gold to a metallic orange, bronze really. His large wings drooped heavily, and his head was slouched forward wearily.

He was looking at Lucifer with this wary, resigned glare. As if he expected Lucifer to laugh or shout or mock or... something.

All Lucifer could do was smile in understanding. "What took you so long?"

Lilith smiled and Adam untensed a bit.

"For the record, I'm not fucking either of you," Adam said flatly. "Or both of you at the same time, for that matter."

Lilith rolled her eyes. "Everything still comes back to sex with you."

"I mean, sex IS good," Lucifer mused with a grin.

1 Month Later

It happened at a meeting with the sins. Lucifer wasn't surprised it happened at a meeting with the sins. He expected it to happen at a meeting with the sins.

"Finally showing off the new royal pet, eh, Luci?" Mammon asked when a cackle when Adam entered the room.

The Sin of Greed found himself ducking under a strike from Adam's guitar-axe, now lodged in the back of his chair and tipping it over. The Fallen Man smirked as he marched menacingly on the clown.

Lucifer and Lilith both just watched the scene with amusement.

"Oh, you want to play, you little shit?" Mammon asked as he turned into his large, more centipede-like form as he charged Adam.

He was somewhat surprised when Adam charged forth, his wings sending him forth to strike Mammon's overgrown face, sending him flying and cursing as his long body went tumbling just over the rest of the members at the meeting.

Adam landed and without breaking stride, pulled his weapon out of the chair and approached the Sin. "What a generous punching back your greedy ass makes," Adam taunted.

Mammon glared as the two began to circle each other.

Satan growled, looking between the fight and the royals. "We just letting this happen?"

"Adam is simply getting a message across in a manner he is best at," Lilith said, taking a sip of her coffee.

The Sin and the Fallen charged at one another. Even as they struggled against each other in a bought of strength, Adam's wings came down and severed off two of Mammon's insect legs, making the clown roar in pain.

"I'm all for letting Mamoon get beat up, but what message, exactly?" Asmodeus asked with some caution.

Lucifer waited until Adam stabbed his axe into Mammon's side, spinning to send his enemy into a wall. "That Adam is now tied with Lilith for being the second strongest person in Hell. He's no more my pet than Lilith is," Lucifer said with a disturbing smile. "I hope none of you would call my wife a pet."

The other Sins got the message rather clearly at that, which was right before Mammon landed on the table with a large cut on his face."

 "Mammon, might I suggest tapping out? I imagine you're already going to have to spend enough on a new outfit," Lilith suggested. "And we're sending you the bill to repair this room."

That alarmed the Sin enough to hold up his hands in surrender. "Alright, mate, alright! I give! You're not a pet!"

"Ahh, damn, I was just starting to have fun," Adam murmured as he pointedly did not dematerialize his weapon, but set it against the as he took the extra empty seat at the table, feet on the side and pushing him back. "Nice to meet ya, Bitches. Consider me middle management."

"Middle management? Luci, Lily, what is he talking about?" Beelzebub asked curiously.

Lucifer grinned. "Everyone! Meet the Viceroy of Hell!"

"That's a thing?" Belphegor asked with a yawn.

"It is now," Lilith answered with a chuckle. "I wouldn't dwell on it too much. For right now, it is merely a do-nothing job for Adam. Along with a general title that should tell everyone...how did you put it, Adam?"

"To fuck with me at your own peril, Bitches," Adam answered with a smirk, eyeing Beelzebub. "Except you, fuck with me at your delight."

Bee stared for a moment before smirking at Lilith. "I like him. He has a good vibe."

Adam blinked at that. Not the response he was going for, but okay?

"First Man, next time? Pick a fight with someone who can actually hold their own," Satan challenged, Mammon grimacing even as his wounds slowly healed.

"What, Mama Satan needs some action too?" Adam asked with a grin.

"Rat, I don't need a reason to want to punch you! I am the Sin of Wrath!" Satan said bluntly.

Adam stared before looking at Lucifer. "I like this one. I'll try not to kill him."

Lilith leaned over to Lucifer to whisper in his ear. "Pray Adam never gets as strong as you, Cifer, or he'll be challenging you all the time."

Lucifer winced before smiling. "Well, at least I have you to kiss it all better if he does."

"So....." Asmodeus spoke up. "How's Charlie taking this?"

One Year Later, Uncle Version

To say that Charlie's relationship with Adam had been awkward at first was an understatement. He was something like a villain in her childhood story, now a family friend and houseguest. But Charlie remembered how Adam seemed almost hurt when he found out about that story, and how her parents actually looked apologetic.

Since then, Charlie had found Adam to be a strange figure in her life. On the surface, Adam was less serious than either of her parents, even her Father, but he was strangely more...mature? Wise? Once he actually started talking and she really listened, he had a lot of good advice. And he was more open to talking about the past than her parents.

"I've had to tell it a shit load of times already," was the only reason he gave her for why that was.

In time, she came to see him like another uncle in her life. And it took a while, but his smiles got softer around her.

"You really doing this shit, Hellflake?" Adam asked flatly as Charlie packed some stuff up. "This whole Happy Hotel bullshit?"

Despite it being "bullshit" by his own terms, Adam was the only one that took her dream remotely seriously. He thought it was stupid, he thought she was crazy, but he actually listened and heard her more than others did. It actually seemed like he...understood. And of course h he had to. He was the first one to lose people, how could he not have such thoughts?

"I'm sure, Uncle," Charlie answered. "I know I...don't really know what I'm doing with this, but someone has to try. And I can't really say I'm trying if I stay here, living in a mansion with my parents."

Adam hummed. "Alright, well, I suppose I need to give you this then," Adam said as he tossed her something.

"Keys?" Charlie tilted her head. "Did you get me a motorcycle?!"

"Fuck no, I'm saving that for a special occasion!" Adam denied with a laugh. "It's the keys to this old hotel we bought for you. Your father gave it a magic makeover, cleaned it the fuck up. Your Mom, shall we say, inspected it to make sure you won't have any problems," Adam explained before holding out something else for her.

"What is- OW!" Adam said, wincing as she held up her hand to find a strange circled symbol on her hand. It reminded her of the symbols of the sins or the  Ars Goetia, but she didn't recognize it. "Uncle, what is...?"

"That, Charlie, is MY symbol," Adam said with a smirk. "Kickass, right? You ever need some help or just to talk? Just use that and your favorite Viceroy will pick up just for you."

"...Uncle, this is very touching, but...." Charlie looked sheepish as she pointed to her hand. "This'll make it very awkward to, umm, masturbate."

"....Fucking dammit, Hellflake, "Adam said, grinning with a shake of his head as he pointed to the palm. "Hold on, this'll sting."

"Owowow," Charlie whispered as the symbol glowed and moved to the back of her hand. "Ahh, thank you, much better."

Adam smiled, wondering if and when this bright little light in Hell would find her brightness dulled and muffled by the darkness? Not anytime soon, if he could help it.

One Year Later, Daddy Adam Version

To say that Charlie's relationship with Adam had been awkward at first was an understatement. He was something like a villain in her childhood story, now a family friend and houseguest. But Charlie remembered how Adam seemed almost hurt when he found out about that story, and how her parents actually looked apologetic.

After a long talk with her parents about the more nuanced story of Eden, Charlie decided to treat Adam as a complete stranger. Which, he was, but it took a bit of effort on her part. Still, the more time she spent with the Viceroy, the more she came to appreciate his company. He had a lot to offer, in his own crude Adam-ish way.

She wondered, when did it happen? When did it start? When did she start looking at the First Man with an unknown consideration? When had she started to look for an excuse to see what he was like beneath those robes?  When had she started watching him devour ribs and ended up biting her lips?

She didn't know when it started. She did know when Adam started to notice.

When his grins for her gained a hungrier look.

When his lewd jokes got a huskier tone to them.

When his body seemed a bit closer to hers than needed.

The first time had been...scary. In a good way. Mostly.

He had been so rough, so dominating. He found all the places to touch, to tease and rile her. Places she didn't even know existed! At no point in that night of passion was she in control. Her only choice, her only freedom had been to consent. And oh, did she consent, again and again, with desperate pleading. To the hair pulling, the spanking, and the choking. God, the choking.

By the end, she wondered if this was what her mother had meant by controlling, dominating.

Then Adam held her close and soothed her. Aftercare, it was called. And it made her melt when he kissed her head and called her a good girl.

She was pretty sure her parents knew. Her mother definitely, by the way she eyed Charlie's black chocker with amusement.

There was a look between Lilith and Adam, as if there was a joke Charlie wasn't in on. But she didn't care much.

Charlie almost wished she was more selfish, that she didn't care about sinners as much as she did. She might have tried a full power-exchange lifestyle with Adam. Oh well, something to dream about while trying to get her goals of a Hotel for Redemption going.

But if- when she succeeded, if she could get the entire operation self-sustaining to not need her input, well...

She was sure Adam would reward his pet-princess generously~

Notes:

Right, so, had two endings to this. One is another wholesome Uncle Adam and Hellflake variant, and the other is a much more perverted one where Charlie is planning her post-hotel Life as Adam's pet.

As a reminder, in the Back to Eden oneshot, it was revealed that Eve's submissive personality was based on how Lucifer acts with Lilith. And Charlie takes after her dad. Hence why Lilith is not surprised or bothered by their relationship in the second version.

But yeah, Viceroy of Hell has a damn good ring to it. As a fallen Angel, Adam is still a legit badass who can take the sins to task if needed. I imagine that Adam would do a lot of interesting things with that title when he finally gets properly motivated. But that's a thought for another time. Hope you enjoyed this!

Chapter 26: Wings Unrestricted

Wings Unrestricted AKA The Treaty was holding Adam back.

"Dad?" Charlie said in surprise and relief as she landed in her father's arms.

Lucifer's glare towards Adam softened into a smile as he looked at his daughter. "Sorry, I wasn't here sooner, sweetie."

Adam growled as he pulled himself out of the skylight and back onto the roof. "Okay, seriously?! How many of your freaks do I have to...." Adam paused as he saw Lucifer and was suddenly surprised. "Fight? Lucifuck, you're here?"

"That's right, Adam," Lucifer said with a malicious grin as he rolled up his sleeve. "You messed with my daughter-"

"Way, back up, let me just clarify something real fucking quick!" Adam said with a grin of his own, making Lucifer pause curiously. "The treaty is broken?"

"You just attacked my daughter and killed one of her hellborn familiars," Lucifer reminded pointing.

"And she just rallied an army against us. I don't fucking care which way it goes, I'm asking, O King of Hell?" Adam paused as his eyes glowed a bit brighter. "Is The Treaty Broken, Old Scratch?"

Vaggie inhaled sharply, as did Lute. "Sir! Lucifer! You need to leave now!" Vaggie called out urgently.

Lucifer scowled but crossed his arms. "I suppose it is, Adam. What, you going to go cry to Sera or hide behind Michael?" he taunted wryly.

But Adam just grinned a bit wider. "All Exorcists! Code Ascension! I repeat Code Ascension!" Adam declared with a chuckle in his throat.

"Shit, yes!" Lute said, grinning as well as she kicked Vagige off of her. "All Exorcists! You heard him! Pull back and clear the area!"

"The fuck is going on?" Angel Dust said, watching as the Exorcists seemed to flee into the sky. They headed towards the portal to Heaven but didn't actually cross it.

"I don't like this," Husk whispered, his hair standing on ends as he watched the Exrocsits observing with their undivided attention.

"Vaggie?! What's going on? Why are they-" Charlie said as Vaggie suddenly grabbed her, picking her up and clearing the roof. "Vaggie!?"

"Everyone, get off the roof and run for cover!" Vaggie yelled as she flew Charlie off the side.

Lucifer stared with a furrowed brow at the display. "What, you're certainly hyping something up," he said, watching as Adam's wings and halo started to glow.

"Hehe. Only Angels with one set of wings are allowed to be part of the exterminations. That was a rule Lilith managed to get us to agree to," Adam said with a wide grin. "But if the treaty is broken.....I can stop tucking them in."

"...What?" Lucifer blinked.

That was all the warning the Devil had before Adam was engulfed in heavenly energy, making Lucifer squint. The hotel rumbled below them.....

"Vaggie! Vagige stop, talk to me!" Charlie said, trying to worm her way out of her rather terrified girlfriend's hold.

"Charlie, only your Dad has any shot up there!" Vaggie said as they landed and she put Charlie down.

"But with Dad here, we have a chance to-!"

Charlie stopped as a huge explosion cut her off. She looked up and saw a great sphere of blinding light engulf and shatter the top of the hotel, debris either disintegrating or being hurled away. The entire air shook with the power, while the cannibals and others tossed off their feet. Charlie barely remained standing.

"What was that....?" Charlie asked as the light finally faded, looking up.

Her dad was up there, flying and still facing Adam, but the First Man.....

Charlie gasped, eyes dilating. She was imagining it? Right? This was just some bad dream or something, right?!

"Vaggie.....did you....?" Charlie asked slowly.

"I thought your dad knew, you too. I thought...I thought that was why the treaty was like that," Vaggie answered with a shiver of dread.

All looked up to the ruins of the hotel and saw that, perched on the highest point still standing, was Adam.

But the First Man now sported not one, not two, but three sets of massive wings.

"We dead," Angel Dust concluded, having barely dodged some falling rubble as he looked up at the sight. "Well, it was fun, eh, Whiskers?"

Husk just grunted as he held his shoulder, his right arm and wing both broken from something hitting him.

Elsewhere, the Vs watched the scene play out with awe and scheming looks, even if it also filled them with dread.

"Mmm, good to know some fossils aren't all talk," Velvette said in approval.

"Hmmm, so that's what they look like," Valentino said with a grin. "Oh the movies I could make with him.

"Hahaha! Alastor got fucking punked, and this guy wasn't even trying!" Vox said with a long drink. "A toast to you, First Man. Kick some ass you murderous asshole!"

"You ascended!? You're a seraphim?! You?" Lucifer roared, his demonic form showing in his outrage. "No, that's not possible!"

"You think I didn't prepare for this fucking day, Lucifer? Ohh, your brothers and sisters were all too happy to help train me," Adam said, reveling in the moment of finally unleashing his own true power on Hell for the first time.

"Grrrr! No, no! I mere human could never rival us! It couldn't possibly be!" Lucifer roared out, lifting a massive fireball to hurl at Adam.

Light and Creation bent to Adam's will, as he banished the flames with a mighty gust of wind from a single flap of his wings.

The Devil looked shocked.

That was enough for Adam to appear before him, burying a hand in his gut. With a gasp of pain, Lucifer was sent flying down to the ground, skidding on in until he spun onto his feet.

"He was holding back? All this time?" Charlie realized numbly, remembering how she had barely injured him even once.

Despite the distance, Adam seemed to hear her as he looked at her with a smirk. "What kind of adult goes full out against fucking children?" Adam asked mockingly. "Now, Sinners, Hellborn? Be crushed and be-fucking-gone!"

With that, Adam the Seraphim descended upon Hell in all his wrathful glory.

Notes:

Yeah, I know, short, but didn't feel like writing an epic fight scene for this one. Just want to get this idea out there, Adam having to hold his power in check as part of the treaty, but Lucifer's involvement made that a null-factor, regardless of who broke it.  This is basically just my excuse to have an Adam-Madara moment.

Chapter 27: Forger of Hell

Forger of Hell AKA Something is off with Lucifer and Adam wants to know what.

"Who are you and what have you done with Lucifuck?"

The devil seemed momentarily surprised by being found out so easily before sighing. "I'm almost ashamed, but I suppose if anyone were to see through the act, it would be the First Man," Lucifer's form answered as he took off his hat, his face forming into something far more serious.

Serious and solemn.

Adam narrowed his eyes as he sat at the meeting table. It was supposed to be just a normal meeting, but the moment this man walked in, he knew it was wrong. The mannerisms, the smile, everything. All very...similar to Lucifer but distinctly not. At least, to Adam. "This some new fucking game he's trying? Sending someone with a very, very thorough surprise? Because your ass still smells like him."

"Physically, I am indeed Lucifer, but you will find his mind is no longer here," the devil answered. "I know this may sound impossible. But I must confess I have no idea how this has happened myself."

"How WHAT has happened? Get to the damn point," Adam ordered pointedly.

"Lucifer" paused before looking Adam keenly in the eye. "How I woke up in the body of Lucifer Morningstar."

Adam starred.

"I remember having a life of my own. A human. Yet I awoke as the Devil himself. And as far as I know, the owner of this body is either dead or just as likely, living out life in my body," Not-Lucifer elaborated.

"That's some crazy bullshit, you know that?" Adam asked. "How would-"

"I am fully willing to commit to an oath or "deal" you wish to confirm that, even one stripping me of my wings if I am trying to deceive you," Not-Lucifer explained bluntly.

Adam hummed, skeptical but intrigued. "Say I believe your bullshit? You've seemed off for a while. You stopped coming to meetings and your messages felt off. You've been in Lucifer's body for at least five years."

"That is correct. I have been trying to adopt the mannerisms of this Devil while also....edging them in the right direction," he said with distaste. "I was not a very religious man, but even the biased account I found of this body's history paints an unseemly image of this entity. Not as pure evil as I might have expected the devil to be, but arrogant and self-victimizing to the extreme. And obsessed with ducks."

Adam tapped his finger. "Alright. Alright, still assume I believe you. What do you want? A fucking free pass to Heaven?"

"No," Not-Lucifer said, closing his eyes. "In my life, I was not a good man. I killed many people. I was what you might call a spy. I have no plan to appeal for the Pearly Gates myself." 

"If that's true, you're one of the few fuckups down here with my respect," Adam said hesitantly.

"These exterminations? They're not just entertainment, are they? I'm still piecing it all together, but with how human souls can empower demons, I can only assume the logical conclusion of needing to keep the sinner population low," Not-Lucifer said with a frown. 

"If they were just entertainment, we wouldn't be doing them. Hell's a threat if we let it get too bloated," Adam answered. "....What's your name? I can almost see it, but it's all tangled up in Lucifer's. I thought that was just some weird disguise trick."

Not-Lucifer paused. "Apologies. Being a spy, I'm not used to answering that question honestly. In truth, I haven't had a real name in ages, only aliases. My codename, however, was Twilight."

Adam raised an eyebrow. "Wait, what alias were you using last?"

"Loid Forger," Loidifer answered. "I take it you plan to determine if my human body is dead or similarly under new management?"

"Obviously! I want to know if the Real Fuckifer is waltzing around on earth," Adam said pointedly.

"Hmm. I suppose I should inform you of the rest," Loidifer remarked.

"There's more?!" Adam said in disbelief.

Loidifer sighed. "Apologizes. I didn't want to endanger my wife and child, given your history with whose body this is."

Adam starred, starred, and starred some more. "Wait, wait, back the whole fuck up. Are you telling me the entire royal family got mentally switched!?"

Loidifer nodded. "My wife Yor is in the body of Lilith. She is.....trying to adjust to that," Loid answered, Adam staring once more. "She had black hair before."

"Holy fuck, you're serious," Adam said. "I'm half tempted to think they tried to get out of Hell permanently and just ended up swapping with you lot or something. Fuck."

"Accurate," Loidifer agreed. "My wife was an assassin. Like me, she has no intention of trying to plead to Heaven. To that end, we wanted a less....hostile working relationship."

Adam raised an eyebrow. "What about this daughter of yours?"

"If Anya could go to Heaven, I would let her go in an instant," Loidifer said firmly. "But I'm not sure if she can, being in the body of the Princess of Hell."

Adam watched in shock and fascination as Loififer suddenly stood up and gave a deep bow at the waist. "I know how much anger this face must bring you, but for the sake of my daughter, I humbly ask you to look past it. If I cannot take her someplace safe, I have to try to make the best of Hell, as little as that might be."

There was a breath of silence as Adam rose and crossed the room. Loidifer did not move or look up until Adam put a hand on his shoulder. "Stand up, child."

Loidifer obeyed, looking up at the First Man who peered back with a strange expression on his mask.

"You do have the soul of a human. And Lucifer would never bow or humble himself to me of all people," Adam said with a sigh. "I believe you."

"Thank you, Ancestor," Loififer accepted humbly.

"As one father to another, I will help you. But I honestly hope this is not a temporary event. It has been a long time since I thought I could trust the Ruler of Hell with anything."

"I have no desire to let the Sinners rattle Heaven's gates, "Loidifer remarked. "But I fear I will need some help. Acting will only get me so far if I do not know how to use the powers at my fingertips."

"Sera and the others will be skeptical, but I believe they'll see the truth when they meet you. And bring your family next time," Adam requested with a conflicted look.

"Tell me, honestly, did you ever love the woman called Lilith?" Loidifer questioned curiously.

"I wanted to Love her," Adam answered with a frown. "The feeling wasn't mutual."

"Hmm," Loidifer acknowledged.

"....I'm not going to get some false-revenge cucking going on!" Adam said in annoyance.

Loidifer smiled a bit. "I'm sorry. Yor can be insecure at times, and she is worried that you wouldn't be able to, shall we say, disassociate."

"I have seen a thousand assholes in Heaven that look eerily like Lucifer or Lilith. It's not hard to do once I'm convinced," Adam assured dismissively. "Well, this is going to be a nightmare to explain."

"I can only imagine," Loidifer said before sticking out his hand. "Regardless, I look forward to working with you Adam."

"And I look forward to not being disappointed, Loid Forger," Adam said with a grin.

Notes:

Alright, so...yeah. Did that. Supper random idea that got in my head. I've heard and had a few ideas where someone else gets reborn as Adam in some way, but Lucifer is another option that is interesting to consider. Honestly, I want to do an idea where 3 friends, possibly OCs if I can't find any good crossover characters, are all displaced into the bodies of Adam, Lucifer, and Alastor.

And yes, I fucking made the MCs of Spy X Family into the royals of Hell. Why? Because they're one of the best families. That, and I didn't want it to be an entirely innocent family that got mind swapped. Loid and Yor have killed a LOT of people, and not all of them justified I imagine. But yes, Anya is now Chalrie. I imagine this takes place long before canon when Charlie is still a young child, like Uncle Adam. As for the real Morningstar Family? Who knows. Might be living it up in the Forger family's bodies, not even knowing they're supposed to be a spy and an assassin.

 

Anyway, hope you all enjoyed that.

Chapter 28: The Last of the Old World

The Last of The Old World AKA Adam brings the last virtuous victim of the Flood to Heaven.

It was quiet now.

It was so quiet that Sera could hear it in her soul. All the world was silent now.

The Flood had seen to that.

All but such a small number, still adrift in the flooded world.

She might weep, but Heaven was exhausted of tears. For the first rains that engulfed the earth had been the Tears of the Angels, weeping for the horror about to be unleashed to end the hellscape the mortal world had become. A place where almost the entirety of the dying population went down into the pits of Hell.

It was too terrible to actively think about for many. Thrones, dominions, and Powers all had to avert their eyes.

Only one Angel in Heaven did not look away from the deluge.

The First Ascended.

The First Man.

Adam.

He had stood there on the bridge, watching unflinching as the world-ending cleanse began.

Sera was almost afraid to speak to him. To see his expression, hollowed with a disappointment beyond comprehension. To see all he had laid the foundation for, all he had salvaged, washed away too utterly.

For her own shame would only grow. How utterly Heaven had failed to protect and guide the world, to be corrupted from within by the Watchers.

But no Adam was standing on the bridge now, to Sera's werry surprise. Where could he be, if not here?

Perhaps he was helping attend to the Children of the Flood. Those far too young to have been wrapped up in the evils or had avoided it. For even the innocence of Youth had not been spared the horrid corruption Earth had become; Older children had all too often been killing, stealing, and much more before the flood came down.

But many children had not been so, and infants too young to be a victim of Sin. And now Heaven was overcrowded with orphan children. How rare, given many souls were happy and willing to take such souls in.

She had been prepared to depart for such a place when she heard the screech of an eagle and recognized it as a form Adam often took on, retaking his true form on the bridge.

"Adam, there you-!" she exclaimed with a smile before blinking as she saw him carrying a soul in his arms. A man by the looks of it. "Another?" she asked softly.

"The last. He died on a "rock" that used to be a mountain's peak," Adam informed firmly as he walked forward.

Sera furrowed her brow. Something had changed. Adam's weariness, his sorrow, it had all been cast aside. He was standing tall and firm, looking almost like he was preparing for something.

It wasn't until he drew near the gate that Sera saw why, or rather, who.

"Is that....!?" she asked in alarm, disbelief on her face.

Adam looked up at her and his gold eyes were intense and calm. As if daring her to try something, say something.

"He is dead," Adam stated firmly. "He is one of us."

Sera looked again and confirmed what she knew to be true. The halo, the wings.

And the faded mark upon the man's face.

"But that's.....he...Adam, you know what he-" Sera started, only to stop as Adam's wings flared.

He was no match for her. They both knew it.

They both knew he didn't care.

"Do Not Insult Me, Serathial," Adam warned. "I know who he is, better than any. And you know what his arrival here means. He Is One Of Us. So either I am crossing that gate with him, or not at all."

Sera stared down the first man and knew this was not a battle she would win. That this was not a battle he could allow himself to lose.

She wasn't sure she wanted to.

She nodded softly, and Adam's soul quelled in thanks as he entered Heaven.

Sera sighed as she prepared to break the most unexpected news to the others.

Cain had been granted entry into Heaven.

Later

Cain had lived a long life. Well over four thousand years. He had seen his descendants rise to greatness. Some reconnected with their more numerous cousins, and others were determined to go to war with those without the Blood of Cain.

He had tried to guide them for a time, but many of his darker, more ambitious children rejected Cain the Repetant and glorified Cain the Murderer. They made his greatest mistake into something to be proud of. Killers, assassins, and torturers all claimed to be "students" of his. He might have been impressed if it didn't make him so sad.

Still, he tried. For thousands of years, he tried to help. He hoped it would somehow, someway make up a bit for what he had done. For killing Abel, for allowing his children to turn so ruthless.

He didn't expect redemption, to be allowed into Heaven.

He wasn't sure what to think when woke up to just that.

"Cain, you're awake!"

Instantly, a pair of arms was around him, a very familiar pair. "Mother...?!" he asked softly, slowly.

"Yeah, it's really me, my little gardener," Eve said with a smile. She wasn't crying, but by the red eyes, she had been. "I'm so glad you're finally here....."

Cain looked several times at her halo, her wings, and then his own. Because he honestly expected to meet his mother in Hell, if they met again at all! Meeting in Heaven? That was very much not in any bets he'd make.

The sounds of a baby crying jerked them both up, looking over to see....."Is that Awin?!" Cain whispered, recognizing one of his little sisters down the hall of beds, holding a baby. "And is that-?!"

"No, that's not hers. Hers are all grown up," Eve explained in amusement., which dimmed very quickly. "These are...the babes that drowned."

Cain fell silent at that, a sad look on his face as he looked around. It was sadder too that he knew this was a greater mercy than to let that nightmare of a world continue as is. "Is....Is Abel....?" he asked lowly.

"Abel has wanted to see you for a long time, Cain," Eve said in a soft, assuring tone. "Just don't be upset if he punches you once."

"Only once?" Can asked in half-hearted amusement. "And....and my wife? Is she...?"

"Helping find some others that might be interested in adopting these young souls," Eve answered assuringly. "Neither of them know yet. We're a bit...overwhelmed at the moment."

"I can see that," Cain said in a gruff tone. One he knew sounded uninterested or dismissive. A bad habit that showed when he was on edge. "And....and Father?"

Eve tilted her head. "Cain, what do you remember last?"

He furrowed his brow at the subject change but answered all the same. "I was dying on a rock. There was this bird, an eagle that flew down to join me. Probably eating on my corpse right now," he answered flatly, unbothered by his death. Honestly, he was still processing it finally happened.

Eve smiled mysteriously, pleasantly.

Cain inhaled. "Was...was that Eagle....?"

Eve's eyes shifted behind Cain.

He looked back sharply and saw that on the post of the bed was perched an Eagle with golden wings. How he hadn't noticed, he'd never know. But what he did know was that he hadn't been hallucinating when he thought those eyes looked just like someone he once knew. "Father....?" he whispered hopefully.

The bird jumped off with a few flaps, growing and shifting into the form of a winged man who-

Cain inhaled as he was suddenly embraced with both arms and wings. Warm and strong, just like he remembered.

He didn't say a word, just held his long-lost son as if afraid he'd vanish into the mist.

"Father, I'm....I'm so sorry! I made everything worse! Abel, my descendants, everything I touched just....." Cain whispered apologetically.

Still, Adam didn't speak.

"I know it's not just my fault, but..." Cain trailed off quietly, tears in his eyes.

Still, Adam was silent as he held his child.

"Father, say something! Curse me, hit me, something!" Cain pleaded almost desperately.

Adam finally pulled back and... It had been so long since Cain had seen his father's face with that sun-warm gaze. The First Man's golden eyes studied the First Murderer intently.

"Feathergreens," Adam said randomly.

"....What?" Cain asked blankly.

Adam reached out and gently grasped Cain's wing, pulling it forward to show that his wings were a verdant green. Cain blinked as Adam smirked. "I like Feathergreen more than calling you Greenthumb now."

Cain looked at his father with a dumbfounded look, unable to fully process it.

"Welcome to Heaven, Cain. I've been hoping to say that for a long, long time," Adam said with a smile, patting Cain on the shoulder. "Come on, we have some people to surprise. Seth always did want to meet you."

Cain gapped as his father left before turning to the beaming Eve. "Don't be surprised, your father has always done things in his own way," Eve said fondly.

"Right, so...how many Heaven-siblings have you two made for me to meet? "Cain asked, deciding to embrace the moment.

"Cain!" Eve said with a giggle.

She stopped only briefly as an entire mattress was thrown at Ciain, courtesy of Adam before laughing even more.

"The fuck, Dad!?" Cain cursed, pushing the mattress off to look around for his father.

He was almost annoyed at the eagle now perched innocently on Eve's shoulder.

Notes:

Right, so...the Flood. Yeah. We did that a bit here. That is always a heavy subject if you use it and dive into it, pun unintended. Most people think the flood myth sounds terribly cruel, I'm always imagining how fucked up the world had to be to need a full reset like that.

Anyway, but yeah, Cain finally died and actually got to go to Heaven. Something Adam is happy about, as are others. Sera is more uncertain, as are others, but that's the good thing about "Divine Judgement" being an automatic process- if it says Cain earned a spot in Heaven, he earned a spot in Heaven.

This is basically Adam getting a much-needed win after all the losses the Food symbolized. Decided to be nice and have Eve there too. Makes you wonder if this would change the timeline any.

Hope that got you all good in the feels this time! First Family reunited and it feels so good!

Chapter 29: Two Things Can Be True

Two Things Can Be True AKA Sir Pentious makes it to Heaven after the battle. So does Adam.

Charlie was overjoyed at first.

Sure, yeah, a meeting with Heaven after Adam's death was super sketchy, hence why her Dad came along with Vaggie. But what she saw almost rebooted her brain.

"Sir Pentious?!" Charlie exclaimed in shock and happiness, rushing to hug the snake, who returned it just as eagerly.

"Misssss Charlie! Vagatha! I'm ssso happy you both survived!" Pentious exclaimed in relief.

"Wait, what the hell....?" Lucifer asked in shock. "What? He's...alive? And an angel? What?!"

Emily and Sera both smiled, Emily's wide in excitement and energy, Sera's tinged with an uncertain but pleased edge. "Believe me, we were just as surprised as you all are," Sera assured.

"Sera insisted Raphael and some other Angels check him over very thoroughly to make sure it was real! I mean, it obviously was, but I can't blame them for being so surprised!" Emily explained exuberantly.

"S-so, wait....redemption really is possible?! I was right?" Charlie said with teary eyes. Vaggie touched her shoulder with a soft smile while Lucifer looked on with pride.

"Yep, not bad, princess."

All the denizens of Hell froze and the happiness was sucked out of the room. With dilated eyes, Charlie turned to see Adam. Just as he always had been, leaning against the wall behind the door they had entered, grinning with that mask of his.

"You had him, what, six months? Lucifuck, how the fuck did she do that in half a year when you had nine damn millenniums?" Adam asked with a mocking chuckle.

"You're alive?!" Vaggie growled out in frustration, bringing out her angelic spear and looking ready to kill Adam.

"That's enough!" Sera called out, her many eyes glowing. Lucifer's horns showed with blood-red eyes. "This is a meeting, not a battle. I will not tolerate an attack on any soul in Heaven."

"Eh, you can let her have at it, Sera, not like it'll stick," Adam offered carelessly.

"Wait, how is he alive!?" Charlie asked with a frown. Vaggie lowered her spear reluctantly, prompting both Seraphims to retract their more inhuman traits.

"CharChar, I hate to say it, but you're hugging the answer," Lucifer informed with a frown, pointing to Sir Pentious.

Charlie blinked. "Wait, so, Angels just respawn even with Angelic steel?"

""No idea, "Adam answered with a shrug. "But whatever divine judgment that brought Scales upstairs revived my ass too. Was kind of interesting to get greeted by Simon after I was the fucker that greeted him when he died."

"You? You're telling me that you got...rejudged and it still spat you back up to Heaven!? You?" Vaggie asked in outrage.

"That fact that you're surprised is fucking funny," Adam said with a chuckle before sobering. "Full fucking honestly, pissed my girls died, but between me and the snake, I'm pretty sure they'll come back. Maybe my ass cleared out some celestial clogging when I came back up."

"He might not be wrong, crude as it is to admit, "Sera murmured.

"We don't exactly understand it either," Emily admitted. "But-"

"No, no buts! I'm still trying to process this!" Charlie said, stepping towards Adam while rubbing her forehead. The First Man looked like he was debating being curious and concerned about her. "You!"

"Yes, I am Adam, hello," Adam mocked and greeted.

"Shut it! How can you be sent back to Heaven after all the souls you've terrorized and ended!?"

"Is it tough to grasp that killing demons isn't a fucking evil thing to do?" Adam asked with a raised eyebrow. "What was it going to do? Name one person outside of Hell I've hurt."

"Are you serious right now?" Vaggie asked venomously.

"Yep," Adam answered without remorse, looking to the Princess. "Hate it all you want, Charmeleon. I'm back and still holy. Now, you want to bitch and moan about not getting a chance to "redeem" me with some humiliating stay at your Hotel, or do you want to talk about your project now that you actually got some fucking proof it can work?"

"Are you calling off the exterminations?" Charlie asked flatly.

"Nope. Also, next time, we're bringing some big guns," Adam informed.

"Then what is even the point of this meeting?" Lucifer asked with a neutral look.

"Well, your daughter's hotel is now a "no extermination zone" for starters," Adam informed bluntly.

Charlie and the two fallen angels blinked, looking at Sera and Emily. Emily nodded. "It's true! Adam agreed to it without hesitation. Though, there is a clause or two about being allowed to attack anyone that tried to attack an exorcist from the Hotel, or if you request help in the event that the Hotel is taken over by, umm...."

"Fuckheads that will probably take advantage of that zoning benefit," Adam explained.

"Wait, wait," Charlie said slowly. "You're willing to accept redemption...but not stop the exterminations?"

Adam raised an eyebrow. "Charcoal? I hate to tell you this, but just because your ass was right doesn't mean we were wrong."

Charlie frowned at that. "How?"

Adam shrugged, nodding to Sir Pentious. "He's the first one in nine thousand years. Billions upon billions of souls, and he's the first to do it in all this time."

"Maybe if you hadn't been leading a yearly culling, more would have made it up," Vaggie reminded acidly.

"His scaly ass went to Heaven after dying in an extermination," Adam reminded bluntly. "Same as every other asshole we've killed. So unless you think  something has been stopping this redemption shit from  functioning, then every sinner we ended had the same chance to get up here as he did."

"But...." Sir Pentious spoke up uncertainly. "I don't know how I managed to become an angel, but I know it wouldn't have been possible without Miss Charlie's hotel."

"That is actually Adam's point, "Sera said with a sigh. "The Gates of Hell have always been locked from the inside, it would see."

Lucifer frowned. "I had no idea any of this was possible."

"Neither did your daughter," Adam said flatly. "She just fucking cared enough to try. Not like we could do much up here. You and Lilith didn't exactly like when Angels entered Hell. You know, back BEFORE the exterminations."

Lucifer's brow darkened at Adam's words but said nothing else.

Adam sighed. "Look, Princess? Charlie? Believe it or not, I'm actually kind of happy about this," he said with a small smile. "I don't regret the exterminations. They were needed. And they still are until you get this shit rolling. Maybe even then. Despite what you think, some assholes just want to be assholes."

"Case in point," Vaggie deadpanned

"Fuck off with your bitchness," Adam said flatly.

"I...don't know if I can accept that. That we're both right. That YOU are right," Charlie said with a frown.

"Then you got one of the bad traits your parents shared. Shit doesn't align with your worldview? Must be the world that is wrong, not you, " Adam said with an eye roll. 

"Adam," Sera requested firmly.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm done. But seriously, princess, don't fuck this up? I mean that honestly. I don't want to know what happens if this somehow turns into the Fall 2, with Electric Dildos.," Adam requested.

"Adam!" Sera scolded as Emily blushed.

"She is fucking an adult! And trust me, she has more than one of those," Adam said bluntly.

"W-wait, how do you know that!?" Emily asked, blushing even harder.

"Just told us," Adam said with a smirk.

"....!" Emily covered her face with her wings and teleported away.

Sera's eyebrow twitched before sighing. "obviously, this is a lot to take in for everyone. We'll arrange another meeting to discuss the new terms of the treaty regarding rehabilitation."

"Yeah, peace out, bitches!" Adam said, throwing a peace sign as Sera made a portal for them to leave through.

"Goodbye Misssss Charlie! Vagatha! Your Hignhessss!" Sir Pentious said as he returned with the angels.

"....Fuck," Charlie said with a groan, rubbing her head. Her dream, her ultimate goal was now a reality and yet....it felt almost stained with the knowledge that Adam was still somehow considered eligible for Heaven. That the Divine Judgement hadn't deemed Adam's actions worthy of Hell. It would have been ironic, fitting even in her mind for Adam to return like the sinners he so despised and had to earn his way back.

But no, Adam was still an angel. And she couldn't fully understand or grasp what that had to mean for Heaven, Hell, and her ideals.

Notes:

Yep. Just a little scene on if Adam respawned in Heaven, Creation showing that yes redemption is possible, but Adam coming back as an angel has complicated implications for Charlie's worldview.

This leads to one of my biggest points about canon: Charlie being right doesn't make Adma wrong. Up until then, Redemption was seen as impossible. Even then, they have one soul out of millions upon millions of souls, billions if you count all the ones already exterminated. Yet Charlie redeemed Pentious in 6 months.

And that is how you have Adam here. Unapologetic about what he's done, but isn't going to try and stop Charlie now that she's proven it can happen. His only concern is the Morningstar family's habit of fucking up creation with their good intentions.

Chapter 30: Friends in Low Places

Friends in Low Places AKA Adam in Hell has more options than just the Hazbin Hotel.

One might think that Adam would freak out or break down when he awoke to find himself a fallen angel, his white scheme turned red and golden wings dulled to bronze.

They would be dead wrong.

One might also think he'd try going to the Hazbin Hotel.

And they'd be right but for the wrong reasons.

Walking casually, as if he owned the place, he walked right into the new hotel and over to the unmanned reception desk, reaching over to grab the phone.

"Oh. Hey big guy! You hear to check-"

Adam turned to look at the frozen porn star.

"-In. Oh shit, you're alive," Angel Dust realized before taking Adam in. "Wait, you a sinner?"

"Eh, Fallen Angel," Adam answered with a shrug as he kept dialing.

"Right," Angel Dust said before leaning back. "ENEMY IN HOTEL!"

Instantly the room was filled with sinners, along with the King of Hell....who had an apron on.

"Adam!?" many of them called out in alarm, weapons at the ready.

"Hey! Shut it! Trying to make a phone call here!" Adam said as the phone finally picked up. "Yo. Yeah, it's me. Yeah, I'm- "

A shadowy tendril crept up on the phone and ended the call prematurely, causing Adam to glare over at a grinning Alastor.

"So sorry, my Good Man, but that is for staff and guests only," Alastor said pointedly, his antlers showing.

"You really want to go round two with me, Bambi?" Adam asked pointedly.

In response, he found a spear at his face and several more weapons poised at him.

"You picked the wrong place to come, Adam," Vaggie said hatefully.

Adam was incredibly unimpressed with them all and was still holding the phone.

Only Lucifer remained unmoved, a suspicious look on his face. "Who did you call?"

Adam smirked a bit.

"Probably just trying to call Heaven to see if they'll take him back now that he's stuck down here with us," Vaggie remarked coldly. "How's it feel to fall, Asshole?"

"What, compared to the first time I called? Fucking great," Adam answered easily as he leaned on the reception desk.

"Wait a minute guys," Charlie said slowly. "Adam....did you come here....hoping to get back to Heaven?"

"Nope. I just wasn't sure where else to make a fucking phone call," Adam answered honestly. "And I don't need your help, Princess."

"Adam, WHO did you call?" Lucifer demanded pointedly.

"I would appreciate you all leaving my Father alone."

Everyone blinked and looked at the phone in Adam's hand as smoke started to rise from it.

Blue smoke.

All at once, a bright azure flame erupted from the device. It grew and spread before taking form behind Adam.

Asmodeus, Sin of Lust, loomed tall over the room with one foot on the reception desk.

"Uncle Ozzy?" Charlie said in surprise.

"Uncle?" Adam repeated with a raised eyebrow, very amused by that.

"Charlette," Asmodeus said with a frown before he looked towards Alastor, who was very much a deer in the headlights. "It's rather rude to try to hang someone up like that."

The Radio Demon wisely chose to flee before he was burned away.

"Wow, wow, everyone back up," Lucifer said as he got between the two groups. Could he beat Asmodeus? Oh, absolutely! Even with Adam! But he really didn't want to. Especially with Charlie and her friends in the splash zone. Oh, and they just remade the hotel, that too! "Asmodeus."

"Lucifer. I trust you have no issue with my father having an indefinite stay in my domain," Asmodeus said, arms crossed.

"I normally wouldn't, but he did just come back from death after just trying to kill my daughter," Lucifer said with a sharp smile. "So, I-"

"Either you give up trying to threaten my father, or I call for the other Sins to cut off all contact with Pride Ring," Asmodeus warned. "That includes not helping you if Heaven decides to go to war over this."

"What!? Uncle Ozzy, why?!" Charlie asked in dismay.

"I'm sorry, Charlette, but not everyone is happy with the idea of picking a fight with Heaven," Asmodeus said sternly.

"But...." Charlie paused as something registered. "Wait, did you say...Adam is your Father?!"

"She didn't know?" Adam asked in amazement. "Wow, that's cold. Here I just thought the uncle thing was about the age difference."

"That's part of it, Dad," Asmodeus answered with a sigh.

"The fucking Sin of Lust is your son?" Angel Dust asked in surprise.

"Best believe it," Adam said with a chuckle. "Seriously, I tried not to make this a whole thing. I was just making a call for my kid to pick me up."

"But... aren't you a sinner now?" Husk asked skeptically. "You can't leave Pride Ring, none of us can."

"Fallen Angel, actually. That is only for people who came to Hell from Earth, not fell from grace," Adam explained.

Lucifer scowled as he looked up at Asmodeus. Weakest of the Sin, but far from the least dangerous. There was no "Least dangerous" sin really, among the other six, just different kinds of danger. "If he tries anything-"

"Lucifuck, I have no desire for our asses to coexist in the same Ring of Hell any more than you do," Adam reminded.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'm sure Adam has learned his lesson about messing with me and my daughter by now."

"Yeah, enjoy fucking around until Michael decides to shove a sword up your twinkass," Adam said, giving them all a mock salute. "Later Losers!"

With that, the two disappeared in a flash of blue flames, taking them to the Ring of Lust.

"Thanks, Mode, I-" Adam stopped as the giant demon shrunk down to hug him.

"Dammit, Old Man, I thought you were dead!" Asmodeus roared in sorrowful fury as he held his father tightly, lest he disappear.

Adam breathed deeply and relaxed his shoulders, placing one arm around the sin. "Sorry, Son. Your old man got sloppy."

"Asshole, don't make this into a sex joke!" Asmodeus said, trying to sound angry despite the laughter.

"You're telling me that?! You?!" Adam retorted as they both started to laugh. "Thanks for the help. I've probably put your ass in an awkward spot."

"Don't apologize. I meant what I said, the other rings are worried about this and not happy about Pride dragging us into a fight," Asmodeus before considering. "Except Satan, of course, but his ring isn't happy about it."

"Satan is just as likely to throw down with Heaven as is with Lucifer," Adam remarked knowingly before looking around. "So, this is your place. You know, I never got why the color of Lust was blue."

"You and me both, Father, but you have to admit, I do pull off the color well," Asmodeus said proudly, tugging at his vest playfully. "Speaking of which, there is...someone I want you to meet."

Adam raised an eyebrow.

Ten minutes later, Adam was facepalming as he sat across from a sheepish Asmodeus and a very nervous Fizziolli.

"Son, just to be clear, this isn't some weird fucking prank, right?" Adam asked with a sigh. "I don't want to say I'm disappointed, but..."

"Ozzy, I thought you said Heaven didn't have an issue with people being gay?" Fizziolli asked in concern.

"Oh, it's not that, Fizzy," Asmodeus said with a chuckle.

"It's because you're a damn literal clown," Adam explained bluntly.

"What? Why....oh, right, because of the king," Fizziolli said with understanding.

"Dammit, you just had to inherit your mother's taste in aesthetics, didn't you, Mode?" Adam asked in fond annoyance, getting a chuckle from his son.

"The irony isn't lost on me, Dad," Admodeus assured.

 "Still, so...you're the awesome cyborg imp Ozzy has been in love with for the past few years."

"Wait...he told you about me?" Fizziolli said in surprise before looking up at Ozzy. "You told him about me?"

"Oh yeah. Kept asking this blue boy when the wedding was. The only thing he left out was the clown thing," Adam remarked with a chuckle. "So, when is the wedding?"

"We're waiting until some things settle down, the shit with Heaven not even included," Asmodeus explained.

"Fair enough. Also, can you keep an eye out on Pride to see if any of my girls return? Rather not leave them all high and try," Adam remarked.

"I'll do what I can Dad," Asmodeus assured before smirking. "Speaking of girls, I have a few ladies who would be interested in meeting you."

"Meeting me, is that what we're fucking calling it?" Adam asked with a grin. "Alright, where are the Succbui then?"

"Through the door, to your left, third door," Asmodeus answered knowingly.

Adam grinned and gave a fist bump to Asmodeus as he left. "Have fun you two! I know I will!"

"Huh. So, that's your Father," Fizziolli mused. "I always thought he'd be scarier from all the stories."

"Oh, he can be! Man is ruthless when he needs to be! He's always been more...neutral to the Hellborn, so long as they don't hurt living humans," Asmodeus mused meaningfully.

Fizziolli nodded and mentally decided that Adam and Blitzo should never, ever meet.

Which was a shame, because those personalities were just dying to meet!

Later

Verosika shivered in delight as the long, perhaps inhuman tongue of Adam left her mouth at last. She was seated on the lap of the first man.

On her neck was a golden, magic collar on her neck and she playfully leaned back, allowing the chain leash to grow taut as she eyed the man.

The deal was in place, but it wasn't yet sealed. If she tried, the chain would still break, and the collar would shatter.

"So, we have an agreement, Stud of Studs?" Verosika asked with a grin. "I become your exclusive succubus. You can have me and do whateeeeever you want with me. Buuuut, exclusiveness goes both ways. You'll be my master and the only one I fuck, but you? You will only fuck me, and I get all of that delicious essence."

"Just one tiny clause," Adam said with a grin. "You get all you can handle. I'll only fuck around if you can't handle the OG Dick."

"Mmm, anyone else, I'd find that cute, but from you? I'll take it as a challenge," Verosika purred. "Very well. A deal?"

"Your bet your pink ass," Adam agreed, shaking her hand, sealing the deal with a burst of hellish energy.

With that done, Adam yanked her forward and brought her into a kiss again.

"Mmm, feels like you're about ready to go~," Verosika remarked, feeling the third leg. "Come on, show me what the dick that started it all can do."

Adam grinned. Oh, he would enjoy this stay in Hell, permanent or temporary.

 

Notes:

Yeah, decided to play with the idea of Asmodeus being Adam and Lilith's son in this fic, and what that would mean in a Fallen/Sinner Adam situation. AKA, Adam has friends, connections, and family in Hell that he can reach out to instead of just going to the Hotel.

And yes, Adam's only issue with Fizziolli is the clown thing, because of course, his one child with Lilith is into clowns.

Beyond that, a dash of Adamsika at the end, with our succubus popstar getting semi-exclusive access to the First Dick, provided she can take all he can give.

Hope you all enjoyed this!

Chapter 31: Return to Stitch

Return to Stitch AKA A certain abomination shows up in the Hotel, but isn't all he appears to be.

Angel Dust yawned as he carried Fat Nugget to the kitchen. "Still getting used to the new layout, huh, little guy?" he asked with a smile, the pig oinking adorably up at him.

It had been a few days since the big fight with the Exorcists, and they just finished the new Hotel. Thanks to Lucifer, mainly. Angelic magic was a hell of a thing.

Angel Dust blinked as he saw the light from the kitchen, obviously from the open fridge. "Husk? Al? One of you getting a midnight snake too?" Angel Dust asked with another yawn as he walked into the room.

He paused, and Fat Nugget tilted his head at the scene.

Angel Dust blinked, wondering if he was looking at Niffy and imagining something else.

There, in the fridge, was something almost as adorable as Fat Nugget. He wasn't sure what it was, but it resembled a koala in some ways. But bigger, blue, and long ears. It was looking at him with black eyes.

".....Ello!" it waved to him, greeting him with an interesting voice. Angel Dust was pretty sure it was a he.

"Umm, hi,?" Angel Dust answered, awkwardly waving another arm, Fat Nugget waving as well. "You, umm, you hungry little guy?"

"Ih!" the creature answered with a nod, before holding up a soda. "Yuuga Takaga?"

"No idea what you're saying, but yeah, I'll take one," Angel Dust said, taking the can and popping it open. He took a large swig before giving Fat Nugget a sip. "So, whatcha doing here, Blue? Here to stay at the hotel?"

"Hoo-Tell?" Blue responded before shrugging, pulling out a drink of his own. Rather than popping it, he just used his claws like a can opener. "Naga. Meega Snagga," he answered, his long ears lowering sadly.

"What, you lost or something?" Angel Dust asked, scratching his head.

"Ih. Lost," Blue answered with a nod, the word coming out a bit harshly from his throat.

"Right," Angel Dust said before hesitating. "You...do know your fluffy ass is in Hell, right?"

"He....he....Hell?" Blue struggled to say. Not emotionally, but physically. He tilted his head. "Gaba Ika?"

"Right, why don't you sit down and we'll see if we can figure this out, eh, little man?" Angle Dust offered as he put down a bowl of food for Fat Nugget before taking a seat.

"Okie taka," Blue answered, patting the pig on the head. Fat Nugget leaned into the hand and oinked happily at the attention.

"Huh. Fat Nugget likes ya. I'll take that as a good sign," Angel Dust said with a smile. "I'm talking to a blue koala. I'm either having an interesting day or I accidentally touched my old stash."

Hours Later

More of the Hotel gradually woke up and found themselves in the kitchen, lured by the smell of good food and the tunes of Three Day Grace.

"Angel Dust, did you make breakfast for everyone?" Charlie asked in surprise. "That's so sweet!"

"Should we be taking drug tests afterward?" Husk asked, only half joking.

"Fuck you too, Whiskers," Angel Dust said with a chuckle as he turned down the music. "And not me, Toots! We got a new guest last night!"

"We did!?" Charlie asked in excitement.

"Last night? Is this one of your....coworkers?" Vaggie asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Not that there is anything wrong with th-" Charlie said, stopping as she felt something tap on her leg.

"Asyrifah?"

"What the fuck....?" Husk said as they all looked down at the dog-size creature, holding up a plate of pancakes for Vaggie and Charlie.

"Pancakes?" Blue offered.

"Umm, thanks....?" Vaggie said in surprise as she took the plate.

Charlie, however, was too busy marveling with wide eyes over her newest residence. "Oh, my goodness, you are adorable!" Charlie said as she scooped him up into her arms.

"Aga Paba Taka?!" Blue called out in surprise to Angel Dust.

"I think she just adopted your fluffy ass," Angel Dust said with a snicker.

"Charlie, you sure you want to be holding like that? I doubt he's a baby," Vaggie said with a suspicious look.

"Actually, I don't think he's a sinner at all," Charlie remarked idly. "He doesn't feel like most sinners, not to me anyway."

"Poor guy doesn't even know what Hell is. Said he was someplace sunny with a lot of trees though," Angel Dust informed.

"Maybe he's a Hellborn?" Charlie mused. "That sounds like it might be Gluttony or certain places in Envy?"

"Meega Naga Nota Toochotoo," Blue explained with a shrug in Charlie's arms.

"He has no idea where he is right now, let alone where he came from," Angel Dust explained.

"You can understand that? What damn language is that?" Husk asked in bewilderment.

"Not one lick of a clue, but Blue's pretty smart. He's figuring out how to understand Hell's language pretty fast, just has trouble speaking it," Angle Dust answered honestly.

"Koalas aren't known for their brains," Vaggie remarked. "How smart can he be?"

"He picked the lock to the hotel to get in," Angel Dust answered bluntly.

"He broke in?!" Vaggie exclaimed, her suspicious look redoubled as she looked at Blue.

"But...the door is locked with magic," Charlie said with a curious frown, holding up Blue in front of her under the arms, not unlike a baby.

Blue tilted his head. And then proceeded to stick out his tongue and lick inside his nose with it.

"Ah! Ew! Disgusting!" Vaggie said with a shudder.

Charlie, having grown up with pets and their occasionally disgusting habits, only chuckled.

"Okay, yes, gross, but fucking shit, that tongue looks like it could put in some great work," Angel Dust said, looking impressed and envious in more ways than one.

Blue snickered. "Bibi Naga Chita Coota~?" he asked playfully.

Husk blinked. "I don't understand that, but I think your spidery ass just got burned by a koala."

"Yeah, speaking of spidery. Hey, Blue? Show them your thing," Angel Dust said with a smirk.

"Meega Achi Kaba!" Blue said with a chuckle as he leaped from Charlie's hold onto the table.

"Wait, his "thing?!"" Vaggie repeated in alarm.

Charlie held up her hands quickly. "We don't need to see his-!"

She stopped as Blue did something entirely different. He grew another set of arms, along with two antennae on his head and three quill-like things emerging from his spine.

"....The fuck, he's a Spider-Koala?" Husk asked in surprise.

"What'd you think he was going to show you?" Angel Dust asked playfully, getting a disapproving look from Vaggie.

"That's...actually still really cute, actually," Charlie mused. "So, Blue? This is supposed to be a place for Sinners...."

Blue tilted his head at her.

"And you still don't know what that means. But that's okay! You can stay here as a guest. Would you like that?" Charlie offered.

Blue smiled and nodded. "Me Like It Here!" Blue answered honestly.

Charlie had sparkles in her eyes at that. "Okay, Sinner or Hellborn, I say we make Blue feel like one of the family! And I have a great activity to relax today."

"Wonderful," Angel Dust said, half-hearted yet still fond.

"Actually, I might need you to take the lead on this, Angel Dust," Charlie remarked with a smile.

"Wait, me?" Angel Dust asked in surprise.

"Booza?" Blue asked, jabbing a thumb at the spider demon skeptically.

"I may not know what that means, but I know you're a fucking traitor!" Angle Dust said with mock accusation. "Itaga Pitugi, motherfucker!"

".....Please tell me that isn't how he says "Suck my dick?"" Vagie requested dryly.

"Nah, that's for "Kiss my ass,"" Angel Dust remarked with a lazy smirk. "Got to say, I dig the way it rolls off the tongue. Itaga Pitugi!"

"Please stop," Charlie requested, trying not to laugh. Blue, however, had no such reservations and was rolling on the table with laughter. "Anyway, about that activity..."

Later

Lucifer took a breath of relief. After a long day of getting through calls, messages, and letters from all over Hell regarding the situation with Heaven, he was finally free to come to the Hotel and do what he loved: Spending time with Charlie and reforging the old Father-Daughter bond!

He strolled in with a cheerful strut, humming a tune as he flung his hat onto the coat wrack, pausing as he heard some soft music of some kind. "Oh, looks like they started something!" he mused as he strolled into the activity room.

He was more amused than surprised to see that they were doing Yoga of all things. Alastor was of course sitting it out. Charlie and Vaggie were managing to follow Angel Dust's lead. Nifty was....trying while Husk looked to be a sore pile of fura and muscles on the ground.

"Come on, Blue is beating you suckers by a country mile!" Angel Dust egged on.

"I'm not sure he has bones anymore!" Vaggie retorted in annoyance.

"This is nice, but...I beginning to wonder that too," Charlie said, looking to someone Lucifer couldn't see, someone who must be short and right next to the couch. "Blue, how flexible are you?"

There was a cackling laugh, and Lucifer went stiff as a board when he heard it.

"Ecata!" a voice rang out even as Lucifer moved on autopilot to observe the new guest at the hotel.

Somehow, Lucifer went several shades paler when he saw the blue creature, who proceeded to roll up into a perfect fluffy ball.

"Okay, I call BULLSHIT!" Husk declared.

"The fuck1? Angel Dust was instantly at Blue's side, picking the ball up and shaking him. "Teach me your ways you flexible little gremlin god!"

The ball unwound to reveal a very amused and giggling BLue, who stopped as he noticed the new person in the room. "Oh! Hi, Luci!" he called out with a wave.

That got every to turn around and see the Devil standing there with wide eyes. 

"Hmm?" Aastor pretended to only now notice the King. "Ahh, your majesty! So sorry we didn't take note of your forgettable presence!"

It was interesting and annoying to Alastor, how unresponsive Lucifer was to the barb.

"Dad! You're here! Wait, did you already meet Blue?" Charlie asked in surprise.

"You know the short king, little king?" Angel Dust asked curiously.

"Meega nota Luci! Achi-Baba!" Blue answered as he leaped out of Angel's grasp and ran towards the King of Hell.

What happened next was amusing for Alastor, and strange for everyone else.

"No, no! Not again!" Lucifer screamed as he immediately sprouted wings and shot up to the nearest chandelier at the speed of light, hiding in the fixture.

"Huh?' Blue tilted his head at the reaction.

'Dad?" Charlie called up as everyone got to their feet and fathered down below.

"Charlie! Why is he here!? How is he here!?" Lucifer called out in panic.

"My, if I didn't know any better, one might think you were actually scared of this unassuming creature," Alastor said coyly.

"I am! I am very much terrified of that abomination!" Lucifer admitted without reservation.

"I...." Alastor trailed off in surprise, giving Blue a look of consideration. He originally wrote him off as just a new peculiar member of the hotel, but now? "I see. Interesting."

"Gabi Taka?" Blue asked, looking between Lucifer and the others in confusion.

"What could you, the literal devil, have to fear from a spider-koala?" Husk asked skeptically.

"You Don't Know What We Went Through!" Lucifer said with a shiver. "Oh, God, the memories. I thought I suppressed those for good. I haven't thought about that in over ten thousand years!"

"Ummm, Dad? Are you sure you don't have BLue mixed up with someone else?" Charlie asked curiously.

"No," Lucifer said, frowning as he looked down at Blue. "But also, yes, I think. He's not attacking me?"

Blue leaned back to whisper to the others. "Ookata Booza?"

"Nothing is wrong with me, you fluffy bastard!" Lucifer called out, flinching back when Blue looked at him. "Please don't hurt me."

"Meega won't, Luci! Promise!" Blue promised earnestly.

Lucifer blinked. "You're... going to probably break that promise when you get your memories back."

"Memories?' Vaggie repeated with a frown.

"Dad, what are you talking about?" Charlie questioned.

Lucifer sighed. "Right. Charlie? Blue here is, well... When the other angels and I made humans? This was the original version."

"WHAT?!" Angel Dust called out, pointing three of his fingers at Blue. "You mean to tell me we missed out on being that adorable and flexible from the get-go!? I feel cheated as fuck!"

"This is what humans first looked like?" Charlie remarked in wonder. "Why did they get changed?"

"Well....," Lucifer said, still sitting in the imagined safety of the chandelier. "We wanted to make something that could rival and maybe surpass us angels."

"And what happened?" Husk asked with a raised eyebrow.

"We succeeded," Lucifer said with a haunted look. "He may look cute, but that terrible terror somehow got from Eden to Heaven, removed the concept of the fifth season, reverse inverted gravity, and turned the first Pearly Gates into a jungle gym!"

"That's....impressive, I think?" Charlie asked, giving BLue a look of shock.

"He ate Michael's sword! That wasn't supposed to be possible!" Lucifer declared dramatically. "So, needless to say? We nerfed them a lot, to use a modern term."

"So, you unmade BLue and created Adam instead? Doesn't sound like a good trade," Vaggie said with a frown.

"....Yeah, about that....?" Lucifer said uncomfortably, looking at Blue over the rim of the chandelier. "We didn't...unmake him, we just remade him."

"Hmm?" Blue tilted his head, looking around in confusion. "Gaba Booza Chitchu?"

"Wait, Dad, I don't understand. Are you saying that Blue....?" Charlie trailed off, looking down at the adorable and friendly creature in disbelief.

"Yeah, that's Adam," Lucifer confirmed. "In his most primordial, original state."

"Adam? Blue is Adam?" Vaggie asked dubiously, warily.

Blue looked around at all of them still with a concerned look. "Adam?" he repeated. "Who that?"

Charlie blinked. This all became extremely complicated very quickly.

Notes:

Well, there's a xover I'm sure no one expected or asked for. Yes, Adam here is Stitch AKA 626, from Lilo and Stitch franchise. In this idea, humans were originally supposed to all be like Stitch, but that worked too well. Too OP and chasotic, so cue them getting nerfed to Unfallen Humans.

Blue is called Blue because I couldn't see anyone coming up with that name for him organically. And yeah, that is Stitch's language from the series, Tantalog. I actually looked up the known words and stitched the proper lines together.

Anyway, Adma reverted back to Blue upon his death and goes to the Hotel, not knowing much. This proceeds to traumatize Lucifer and everyone is now meeting Adam in his most original state. Which is...hard to reconcile with the man they knew.

I thought this was hilariously fitting, seeing as Stitch loves music, especially Elvia, and can actually rock out if he wants to.

Anyway, just wanted to get this idea out of my head. It's a great idea but I don't know if I'll ever do anything with it, so here it is.

PS If you're wondering why I didn't offer translations, it's simple. We never got translated stuff for Stitch while he was on screen, we only had context and people translating for him at times. So trying to capture that.

Chapter 32: Y2K Lovebug

Y2K Lovebug AKA Some very stupid souls lead to Charlie and Adam meeting early and hitting it off.

"My descendants are such fucking dumbasses."

It wasn't a new sentiment for Adam. Every now and again, humans had such fucking stupid ideas. Foot binding, racism, killing off all the sparrows, winged tanks, using hippos as farm animals, attaching firebombs to bats, using a cat as a spy, and so much more.

"I'm sure it's just your genes deluting, Sir," Lute said neutrally.

"Danger-tits, I can tell when you're being sarcastic," Adam deadpanned as they stood outside the Hotel Embassy, which had a disturbing amount of virtuous souls around it, protected by exorcists as they were led into the embassy. "We have any trouble from the Big Ls?"

"Actually, Sera contacted us while you were rescuing that teenager from bat-sinner," Lute informed. "The Morningstars understand the situation and won't try to make any claims here. They just ask that we not kill anyone permanently while rescuing the, umm, Tripped Souls."

"I fucking hate that name," Adam said with a groan, rubbing his eyes through his mask. "Anything else?"

"Yes, they are sending someone to oversee things, she-" Lute stopped as a flash of red drew their attention forward.

"Hello! Please don't stab me, I'm here on official business!" the newcomer said, holding up her hands with a smile when some of the exorcists pointed their weapons at her.

"She is right here, Sir," Lute finished bluntly.

"I have fucking eyes and ears, thank you," Adam drawled, waving for everyone to stand down as he took a good look at the hellborn. By her looks and spotted cheeks, he was almost positive about who this was.

"Hi, um, I'm Charlie Morningstar? My parents sent me to keep an eye on things?" Charlie answered sheepishly.

"Yo," Adam greeted with an unenthusiastic wave. "I'm the Head Exorcist."

"Oh! Nice to meet you?" she asked, holding out a hand nervously to shake.

Adam was tempted, so tempted to pull a joke, but he kept it in line for now, if only because he had other things to worry about. So begrudgingly, he shook her hand. "Right. I take it your parents filled you in?"

"They did, but I don't really understand? A bunch of souls jumped from the Pearly Gates and into Hell....by mistake?" Charlie answered questioningly. "How does one accidentally leap into Hell?"

Adam groaned at the stupidity of it all. "Lute, go check the headcount while I explain this to the princess."

Lute saluted and left but not before giving Charlie a warning glare.

"Alright. So," Adam started, popping his lips as he gathered his thoughts."Y2K."

"Huh? Is that code for something??' Charlie asked in bewilderment.

"It's a short ass way to say "Year 2000" because, you know, K is short for kilo? As in a thousand?" Adam explained.

"Alright?" Charlie acknowledged, not sure what the point was.

"Yeah, so, you know how by one of the main calenders on Earth, it just hit the year 2000?" Adam continued, getting a nod. "Well, some of these dumbass brats got it in their head that this, apparently, meant the world was going to end!"

"What? Why? I mean, it didn't end when it hit 1000?" Charlie pointed out.

"I know, right? Anyway, as with all "End of the World" dates, some people bought into it to the extreme. Lots of fucking suicides," Adam said, looking over at a particularly young angelic soul heading into the embassy. "Such a damn waste."

"That's terrible," Charlie said empathically. "But I don't understand why they, umm, tripped down here?"

"These dumbasses were so deep in the Koolaid that they jumped off the damn bridge to Heaven! Some because they thought Heaven was going to crumble or that the portal to here meant there was a demonic attack about to happen or a thousand other more bullshit ideas," Adam ranted on, grasping his head in frustration. "But yeah, these fucks didn't fall from grace. They weren't banished and they didn't try to abandon Heaven really. We call them Tripped Souls, and I fucking hate that name! It means they're here by genuine accident or, as I call it, Works of Stupidity."

"That is....dumb. Very dumb. I mean, I know that the calendar marks when Jesus was born but really?" Charlie said with a furrowed brow.

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, we're just here to collect the souls and bounce. Thankfully, they're still invulnerable, but fuck if there isn't still a lot of bad shit that can happen without physical pain involved," Adam muttered in exasperation. "So, Princess, you really want to help? Not just try and fleece these souls into staying down here?"

"What? No! Of course not!" Charlie said in alarm. "They shouldn't be here! They definitely don't deserve to put up with what goes on down here!"

Adam blinked at that answer, studying her strangely.

"Besides, I'm sure they all have people waiting on them back in Heaven. And if not, well, I'm sure Heaven is full of lots of friendly people," Charlie said with a smile. "And, well, I don't really LIKE throwing my royal title around, but I definitely can and will do that if it helps find and rescue all these souls."

Adam starred. This bitch was either the best liar in the world or Lilith and Lucifer breeding together was like two negatives multiplying to become a positive.

"Alright, Lucilith, I might actually not hate you,"  Adam said, surprised by his own words.

"I can work with that! But please, don't call me that. Or Minilith. Or Charlifer. Or anything like that," Charlie requested pleadingly.

"Get a lot of nicknames for being their brat, huh?" Adam realized with a head tilt. "Charcoal work for you?"

"Sure, H.E.," Charlie answered.

"H.E.? He? The fuck?" Adam questioned with a furrowed brow.

"Well, you haven't given me a name yet, and Head Exorcist is a mouthful, so H-E is what I have to use," Charlie mused.

"Tell you what? I'll tell you my name after we go find some more souls," Adam said, glancing back as Lute returned from the building.

"Sir, we checked the names of those we have to those missing from Saint Peter's list. We have thirteen missing still," Lute informed grimly.

"Of course we do," Adam muttered. "Lute, the princess is going to be helping us a bit."

"Sir? Are you sure?" Lute asked skeptically.

"I honestly can't believe my ass is fucking saying this, but yes, I'm sure," Adam answered. "Now come on, let's go find some of these missing fools before they get traumatized for their entire afterlife."

It took three days for all the souls to be found. Half of them had been taken captive by Overlords who required a more...forceful approach to get the souls free. One even got stabbed in the butt by Charlie's trident, which Adam found amusing and awesome. Three had apparently bonded together to form a band to rock out to the end of everything. Which Adam respected in a way. One had just flown in the wastelands between settlements and had been chilling out there. The rest had been looking for loved ones that they thought might be in Hell for some reason or another, and most had been found wandering the city before anything too bad happened to them.

In that time, Charlie found herself forming a surprising connection with the Head Exorcist. Despite being a man who led the yearly slaughter, she had the chance to see him interact with the souls from Heaven. Which was to say, while prone to profanity and calling them idiots, he was very caring and assuring to them. That they had a place in Heaven still, that these sinners couldn't hurt them, that they didn't need to be afraid. 

And no, that the Devil wasn't going to show up to eat their souls. Charlie had been more than a bit mortified by that idea.

They had both helped calm a girl who had almost been...violated by an Overlord. He had been careful to not touch her suddenly or to be as loud as he normally was. He gave Charlie subtle, nonverbal signals to comfort her. Stroke her back, hold her gentle, etc. Eventually, the soul had turned to cling to Adam as well.

That was the first time she saw the Head Exorcist smile genuinely when they were taking her back to the embassy to get back to Heaven.

"That's all of the fuckers," Adam said with a sigh.

"I suppose this'll be it then, eh, H.E.?" Charlie asked with a small, somber smile.

He sighed at that. "I suppose I should hold up my end," he said as he turned to face her. "My name is Adam, Charlie."

She blinked. He said her name, not Charcoal or Spots, or anything else. For the first time, he used her name. Charlie. But he also just said his own. "Adam? As in...?"

He nodded in answer. "Your parents were fucking assholes, by the way."

She wasn't able to respond to that, glancing to the embassy and then out to Hell before facing him again. "I....don't understand. You were so gentle and loving with those souls, but every year, you....?"

Adam set his face into a hard look. "These rats here? As far as I'm concerned, they signed up to be adopted by your shitty folks. They're not mine anymore," Adam said coldly.

Charlie frowned at that. "....What if one of them got redeemed?"

"Charcoal, that isn't just impossible, it's fucking stupid. No one that got sent down here ever went back up in ten thousand years, "Adam reminded pointedly.

"I know that! but if they did, just...what if they did?" Charlie asked imploringly. "Would they be yours again? Would you treat them like you do these?"

"Are you crazy? Of course, I wouldn't," Adam said with a frown as Charlie looked disappointed. "I'd treat them a lot better for pulling that off."

Charlie looked up in surprise.

"There have been...a few times the assholes higher up in Heaven were worried that certain groups should be barred from Heaven even if they made it up. I've always taken a shit on those plans. I don't think a sinner is ever getting their halo, but if they did? Yeah, I'd be in their corner. I know what it's like to feel alone in Heaven and wonder if your ass really belongs there. It sucks, and it only gets better if you have people in your corner. I try to make sure every asshole that made it to the gates at least has one fucker on their side."

Charlie stared at that in awe before smiling. "Would you believe me if I said I wanted to find a way to redeem sinners one day?"

"I believe you want to, and are crazy enough to try," Adam answered with a snort. "You're a weird one, Charlie Morningstar. If I had met you any other fucking time, I'd assume it was some fucking act. But after the last few days? How the fuck do you exist in Hell?"

"You're not the first person to ask that," Charlie answered with a sheepish laugh. "Is there a chance I can still....talk to you sometime?"

"Your parents will probably hate this," Adam said flatly. ""I'm sure Lilith told you about how mean and control I supposedly way?"

Charlie's silence was damning, pun intended.

"Let's get that shit out of the way. I like being in charge. So does you're fucking mother," Adam explained flatly. "You sure you want to hang with me, Charlie? I'm probably going to shatter a fair fucking few of your world views, and not just with my dick."

"I'm sure," Charlie said with a smile, looking around the embassy. "It wasn't just you that was kind. A lot of the Eorcists seemed really worried about the souls we rescued."

"Well, yeah. I'm still fucking certain the fucks down here deserve it, but letting a virtuous soul suffer down here is just wrong," Adam said with his arms crossed.

Charlie hummed. Yes, she was very sure she'd like to spend more time with Adam. He was kind in his own way and greatly kind in that respect. 

"Anyway, here's my number."

Elsewhere, Lilith watched the entire exchange through a magic mirror, sighing in fond exasperation and reluctant amusement. "Well, I think it's clear where Charlie got her sense of taste from."

Notes:

Just a wholesome little one-shot that shows the start of a Chadam relationship. But yeah, due to a Doomsday scare, a lot of people made a big oopsie after they made it to Heaven and jumped right into Hell in a moment of stupidity. This leads to Charlie and Adam bonding as Adam realizes that Charlie genuinely wants to help people and Charlie sees that Adam does care about souls in Heaven.

Also, if you're wondering where Vaggie is? This is set in 2000, so she is either A. Still Alive, B. Still an Exorcist, or C. Still an Angel but hasn't joined the exorcists yet.

Chapter 33: Unborn Hell

Unborn Hell AKA Charlie finds herself back in Eden at the worst time for herself, but the best time for everyone else.

Charlie didn't know what happened. One moment, she was falling and reaching for her father as he soared down to catch her.

Then everything went black.

There was no thud, no stop to the falling. There was just suddenly a void that surrounded and engulfed her.

She didn't know how long she fell but the end was...relatively soft.

"Ow."

Relatively. Charlie was more surprised by how light the pain was than anything else.

"Am I dreaming?" she asked herself as she looked around at a forest unlike anything in Pride. Only Gluttony had anything close to this!

Birds chirped above her happily, fruits dangled from almost every branch of every tree, and the animals! She had never really seen most of these! She had seen their likeness in some sinners, or her father turning into them, but never the true creatures.

"Wait, am I on Earth? Did I fall out of Hell and onto Earth? Can that work?" Charlie asked in confusion before shaking her head. "Hey, wait, my clothes...?"

She frowned as she looked down. Instead of her battle outfit, she was wearing her normal outfit.

"Okay, this is getting really creepy," Charlie said, before going very still as she felt something breathing on her neck.

She turned around and saw a very big, very black bear.

It cocked its head at her.

And then it licked her face.

With that, it turned to leave.

"I...okay, that just happened," Charlie said in surprise as she rubbed the saliva off. "I know earth animals are nicer than most hell-beasts, but I didn't expect that."

The more she looked around, the more perplexed she was. There were wolves, tigers, foxes, bears, and many other predators around. Not only were they not competing or fighting each other, they weren't even trying to eat any of the other creatures. Like squirrels, goats, deer, bunnies, or anything else.

All at once, all the creatures suddenly fell silent and looked off in the same direction. As one, they began to move towards something that Charlie couldn't see.

Lost and with no other idea what to do, Charlie cautiously followed after them.

The animals had all gathered at the edge of a clearing where they all gazed on with great interest. And as Charlie found a space among them, peaking out from behind a tree, she could see why.

Seven figures were standing and flying around an eighth who was sleeping against a tree. The seven were hard to make out, emitting a great light from each of them, but Charlie could barely see one was reaching to the side of the sleeping person and....stabbing their hand into the side!?

"What are they-WOW!?" Charlie said as she tripped forward, snapping the branch off that she held onto.

All at once, the seven figures stopped and looked at her in surprise, the light dimming to reveal seven angels.

One that Charlie recognized.

Sera furrowed her brow. "Lucifer? Why are you here?"

Another one that looked vague like her father but taller and darker, longer hair cocked his head at her. "And why are you red? I mean, it kind of fits you somehow, but that's a lot of red."

Charlie blinked. "Wait, what?"

"We going to ignore he's taken on a female form?" one with fish-thins for ears asked curiously.

"He's turned into stranger things on a whim," another said with a giggle.

"I'm sorry, I think there's been a mix-up," Charlie said nervously, looking at Sera in confusion. She couldn't have forgotten her already, could she? Was she wearing her hair differently or something?

But in looking at Sera, she got a good look at the sleeping figure, and her heart sank before she became...

Extremely confused and a bit embarrassed.

It was Adam and he was naked. Utterly.

Also a lot more ripped than his robe gave him credit for.

She blushed and looked away. "W-what were you doing with him naked?!"

"Why wouldn't he be naked?" one of the seven asked in confusion.

"Why aren't YOU all naked then?!" Charlie asked accusingly.

"Oh, we weren't sure how good the humans would be at telling us apart, so we customized our appearances a lot," another explained helpfully. 

"Wasn't that Lucifer's idea anyway?" the fish-eared one asked in confusion.

"Wait, why aren't you naked? No, actually, why are you hiding your wings?" the not-Lucifer asked with a bewildered scowl. "Brother, seriously, if this is a prank, I don't understand it and we're not in the mood."

"I....what?" Charlie asked bewilderment.

"Uhhhh, am I interrupting?"

All parties look up and see.....

"Dad!?" Charlie cried out in bewildered joy.

Joy because it was him, definitely, but he was...different. His sharp teeth were now normal pearly white, his suit was more like a robe, and his outfit was devoid of any apple or snake motifs.

"Who is Dad? Or what is a Dad? I haven't heard that one before. That a new name Adam made up?" Lucifer asked as he hovered down into the clearing, near Charlie. "Well, hello, you're new!"

"....Oh by the Empyrean, there's two of him now," Sera muttered with a deep breath. "Lucifer, why are you here? And who is this that has your likeness?"

"Sister, I am as lost as you are on that. Though I think those look good on you, Madam," Lucifer said with a charming smile.

"I....what, Dad, it's me? Charlie?" Charlie said, starting to feel afraid at his lack of recognition.

"Oh, I am this "dad" thing?" Lucifer asked in surprise.

"Hmm," the fish-eared angel was suddenly behind Charlie, making her whip around and back away. "She doesn't have wings."

"....What?" Charlie asked flatly. Of course, she didn't have wings. She took after her mother in that department.

"Truly, Raphael?" Sera asked, suddenly concerned. "She's clearly not like the humans, but I have never seen an angel emerge wingless."

"Huh. A side effect of making Adam and Lilith?" another asked curiously. "What do you think, Michael?"

The Not-Lucifer, Michael,  looked Charlie over again. "It might be a one-time thing, but she is differently connected to you, Lucifer."

"Of course I am! He's my father!" Charlie exclaimed in frustration.

"Father?" Lucifer repeated slowly. "But...I haven't.....?"

"And why are you here at all, Lucifer?" Sera asked with a glare. "Haven't you done enough?"

Lucifer smiled benignly. "I think I have, actually! And no, I didn't sneak by Uriel this time. She let us back in this time."

"And why would she do that?" Michael asked suspiciously.

Charlie felt like her head was spinning. This didn't make any sense! It was almost like she was..... "Wait, "she said, paling. "Is this...Eden?"

Lucifer looked at her in bewilderment. "Well, yeah? Obviously? It's certainly not Heaven or Earth. But speaking of that..."

"What's going on?"

Everyone froze and turned to see Adam approaching them.

Still nude, still very, very nude Charlie realized. Why didn't anyone else do or say something about that!?

"Lucifer," Adam said with a frown and something....pained? Angered? Something in his eyes. "Why are you here?"

Lucifer smiled as he stepped aside and, with a flash of feathers, revealed another figure.

"Mom....?" Chalrie whsipred.

Indeed, there stood Lilith.

But...this wasn't how Charlie ever remembered her mother.

Hornless, her face tinged with sadness, and almost as if...humbled?

"Lilith," Sera said as the angels all looked at her suspiciously. Except for Lucifer, who stood just behind her for support.

"Sera, everyone," she greeted, only briefly giving Charlie a confused look- which pained Charlie to no end- before she looked upon the shocked and bewildered eyes of Adam. "Husband."

Adam jerked back, more surprised than anything, before regathering himself. "What are you doing here, Lilith? I thought you wanted to leave Eden so badly? That you wanted nothing to do with me?"

Lilith flinched-flinched-and looked away. "Adam, I'm sorry. For everything."

....What?

What was Charlie seeing, hearing, witnessing, hallucinating?

"I understand now why you, and all of you, are so worried about us leaving the garden. But I needed to see it and experience it for myself. To know that...there is more beyond this garden! And to know that it is out of reach only because we are not prepared for it, not because we are....like pets."

"What!?" Sera said in alarm, almost appeared wounded. "Lilith, is that what you thought was saw you as?"

"Yes, I did. And I was wrong," Lilith admitted.

"But you weren't wrong to feel that way," Lucifer said as he stepped forward, tipping his hat. "Siblings, I apologize for going over your head like this. But I knew what type of soul Lilith was the moment she came into being. She was like me, just as Adam is like you, Sera."

"Sera?" Adam repeated curiously.

Sera too blinked at the comparison. "How so, Lucifer?"

"I and Lilith have this need to test boundaries, to explore, to imagine what could be. Adam and you are both more focused on making the most of what is already before you. That is why I spread the stars, and you solidified the city of Heaven, Sister," Lucifer said with respect. "I knew that while Adam would be content to learn all he could in the garden, Lilith would always wonder."

"So, wait...you didn't steal Lilith?" Adam asked in confusion.

Lilith blinked. "I'm sorry, but...how does one steal someone, Husband?"

Michael gave Lucifer a very pointed look.

"....What? What did I do?" Lucifer asked in concern,

Raphael sighed heavily. "Lucifer, you both made it sound very much like you were both running off together."

"I mean, we did? We ran off to see the wilderness of Earth. Haven't we been talking about this?" Lucifer asked in confusion.

"No, I mean like Lilith wanted to be with you more than Adam?" Michael rephrased.

"I mean, for a bit? I needed time to think and understand everything," Lilith answered, similarly unsure of what they meant.

Adam brought a hand to his face and rubbed his eyes as Sera groaned. "Let me be as blunt as possible," Sera said pointedly. "Were you both having sex?"

"What!?" Lucifer and Lilith both exclaimed, looking at each other in bewilderment.

"You thought I and Lucifer were....?" Lilith asked, eyes wide. "Oh, no! Heavens, no! I would never betray you like that, Adam!"

"Look, I'm curious about the whole sex thing! And I definitely would have had sex with Lilith if we both didn't know that was a married-only thing. Cause I kind of slept through the husband-wife bit of the planning," Lucifer admitted. "But I'm not going to sleep with her when she's obviously in love with Adam!"

Adam suddenly started chuckling as he raised his head out of his hand. "Lucifer, you are SHIT with words!"

"...What does poop have to do with anything?" Lucifer asked, all the angels confused.

"You said you were going to do everything to Lilith that I didn't," Adam repeated.

"...did you say that?" Lilith asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, I said I was going to do everything FOR Lilith that Adam didn't," Lucifer clarified.

"That's only slightly better," Sera deadpanned.

"Wait, is this about me wanting to be on top?" Lilith asked with a furrowed brow.

"Well, you made a pretty big deal about that before you ran off!" Adam reminded.

"Adam, I was frustrated at everything. I would have complained about anything at that point," Lilith said with an eye roll. "Granted, yes, I do want to be on top."

"Look, Sera was the one who told me it only works right with me on top!" Adam explained.

"hmm? Oh, no, Adam, that's just the way we intended it to work. Lilith can be on top without it being a problem," Sera informed.

"Seems I wasn't the only one not understanding things," Lilith said idly. "I know you like being on top, but just share some? Please?"

"Fine, fair," Adam said before seeming to curl up. "You...really still want to be with me?"

"Adam," Lilith said with a heartfelt look as she approached him, placing a hand on his arm. "I never wanted you to think I didn't."

"....Alright, I'll admit it, you had a good idea," Michael admitted begrudgingly even as he smiled at Lucifer.

"See, I told you it can happen," Lucifer said with a smile before looking around. "Hmm? Where'd the wingless one go?"

In all the attention on the primordial couple reuniting, Charlie had backward away into the forest. Unable to look away, she just backed up slowly as the sight and sounds got further away until she was finally able to break away from the sight, pulling herself around a tree as she gasped for breath she didn't know she was holding.

She sank to her knees as she gripped her head.

What...what just happened?

Okay, the first part was easy enough. She interrupted the creation of Eve. That...made as much sense as traveling back in time to Eden!

But after that?

Her father, her mother? Who were these two, because it had not seemed like them at all! The faces wre rehte same, but...

Her father wasn't treated like some outcasted dreamer, more like a troublesome sibling. Where was his pride, his sharp demeanor?! And her mother, apologizing like that? To the angels? To Adam?! Returning to ADAM!?

"What the fuck....?" she whispered as her heart raced and hurt and burned.

And what was the rest of that!? Her parents....hadn't run off with each other?! It had all just been one...one big fucking misunderstanding?!

What did all this mean? Would everything change?! Would her friends, and her family never be born?

Y-yeah, Hell might never exist and that was objectively a good thing, but....but...!

"Am I....am I just some cosmic mistake? Is this supposed to mean I was never supposed to be born....?" Charlie whispered as tears came down her face.

No one answered her in the shadows of Eden, which felt darker and heavier than she ever thought they could.

She was alone in this world. A world that would be better because, in a way, she would never have been born.

She'd never see any of them again. Angel, Husker, Alastor, Nifty.

Vaggie, by God, Vaggie might never even exist! How did she.....cope with that!?

"I don't want this... I want to go home.....please," Charlie whispered.

Silence greeted her, leaving her to her Unborn Hell.

Notes:

Yeah, yeah, I gave Charlie the Unfallen Hell treatment. Kind of feel bad about this one but I kind of had to. The idea here is that Lilith was always coming back to Adam, but the Eve-thing happened before she got back. Lilith in this one-shot didn't ACTUALLY get with Lucifer until after Eve was made.

But yeah, this is one huge mindfuck for Charlie. The world will objectively be better even if Hell is created, but she will always be a stranger in it.

Chapter 34: Return of the King

Return of the King AKA Things take a turn for the worse, and Charlie gets an unlikely savior

Where had it all gone wrong?

Charlie couldn't help asking that as she finished wrapping the bandages around her father's torso. He smiled weakly up at her, ignoring the golden blood dripping from his teeth.

Angelic Steel couldn't kill him, but it could hinder him. Like having a shrapnel grenade go off tight at his feet, filled with bits of angelic steel.

It had all been going so, so well too!

Sir Pentious got redeemed! Heaven was on their side! Mostly! Some of the sinners were actually starting to come around!

Then.....then...

Charlie looked up as Alastr reentered the room via shadows. He tried to look his normal self, but he couldn't hide the cuts in his normally untouched suit, the few injuries he had on himself were a testament to the state of things. "How bad?"

"They have the entire embassy surrounded. Emily is held up in there with Sir Pentious and Angel Dust. The delightful Exorcists are doing their best to keep the mobs out. Here? Well, Husker and I have managed to keep them from getting to the second flood. For now," Alastor explained with a grim smile.

"And Vaggie?" Charlie asked in worry.

"Neither hide nor hair of her since this chaos began," Alastor remarked with a huff. "If I knew her any less, I might think she had betrayed us. Sadly, I cannot fathom many hopeful possibilities."

Charlie couldn't always read Alastor and that damn smile of his, but she choose to take this as him being honest rather than cruel in this one moment.

"I'll...find her," Lucifer said as he struggled to get to his feet.

"Dad, no!" Charlie said as she moved to push him back onto the bed.

She was beaten to it by Alastor, who used his cane to poke Lucifer in the head, almost sending him falling backward. "Ow! Hey!" Lucifer protested, grabbing his wound again.

"You are little more than a target right now, your majesty. Not a particularly big one, but an important one all the same," Alastor reminded, his mocking carrying less bite than they normally would.

Charlie's phone rang and she quickly reached for it. "Vaggie?!"

"Wrong angel," another voice answered, annoyed.

"Lute?" Charlie recognized in surprise. "How did-?"

"Emily's phone," Lute summarized bluntly. "Princess, if you have a plan, now would be the time."

Charlie looked to her father and Alastor but found they had no better ideas to offer. "I...I don't know."

"Wow, big shocker there!"

"Velvette?!" Chalrie said in alarm.

"How the hell is this bitch in the call!?" Lute growled angrily.

"Hush, dog, I'm talking to the precious princess," Velvet said toyingly, ignoring Lute's frustrated noises.

"Velvette, why are you all doing this!?" Charlie growled. "We were so close!"

"Close to what? Groveling and being forgiven by the big bad angels, acting grateful to be let into their pearly gated community? Nah, that isn't how we all roll, Princess," Velvet said with a smirk. "We'd rather just take it."

"And you think you'll get away with it, just like that? That you can take on all of Heaven, and the rest of Hell?" Charlie asked in disbelief. "Do you have any idea of how many souls you'll get killed?!"

"Honey, sweety? As long as we're standing on top of the pile, we really don't care how big it gets. Angels, Demons, sinners, the whole fucking earth can burn," Velvette said, pausing as an explosion was heard in the distance. "Hmm, seems like Valentino is getting impatient. He really wants to film a victory show in the embassy, with that spider pet of his. And with the way back to Heaven sealed, he might get a few more angelic toys to play with and film."

"How did you even do that!? Sealing off Hell from Heaven, that's not something a sinner can just do!" Charlie said in disbelief.

"Oh yeah, that took a LOT of favors being passed around the rings. A lot of old magic I don't understand, a lot of old shit I have no idea the importance of. We had to find another fallen angel to make it work," Velvette said with a chuckle.

"....You have Vaggie," Charlie realized with red in her eyes.

"What? Your fallen-bitch? No, haven't seen her. Did she ditch you when things got hot? No, we got some older fossil that didn't mind giving a middle finger to Heaven and your old man," Velvette explained with a chuckle. "So, let's go over the situation, shall we? We, the Vees, and our lovely allies have a nice big chunk of Pride all under our control. A lot of them hypnotized, others in it for the thrill, and probably some mob mentality helping that bit along. And they're all armed with Angelic Weapons. Guns, knives, all of it."

Charlie gritted her teeth helplessly at these words.

"Now, you? You have a wounded relic of a father, a few souls desperately trying to hold us off, a few angels hold up like rats, and....yeah, not much else. Well, Alastor, but we all know he and Vox are going to have one last brawl," Velvet said with an audible eye-roll. "So, yeah, you're fucked, my girl. Now would be the time to roll out the white flag and take it like a champ."

Charlie took a deep breath and let horns emerge. "Fuck. You."

"Oh, we'll see, Princess. Just listen to what's going on outside," Velvette taunted, pausing for effect.

Charlie tried not to. The screaming, the calls for blood and battle, and-

"Well, things turned to shit while I was gone."

The voice didn't just come from the phone.

It came from everywhere. 

Every phone, television, every speaker, every radio. Any device that could receive a transmission was suddenly emitting that voice.

Alastor narrowed his eyes and grabbed at his chest.

Lucifer's eyebrow shot into his hair.

Charlie paled and nearly dropped the phone.

"Who the fuck is this!?" Velvette cried out as she glared at her phone. "Vox!?"

"I'm trying! I...I don't know how, but someone got in and locked me out of all the audials!" Vox said in shock. "Wait a minute, I know that voice....?"

"He's back....?" Charlie whispered with wide eyes.

"How...?" Lucifer whispered.

"....Sir?" Lute whispered in a small voice.

"Attention all Battle-Bitches, Hell-shits, and all others it concern: Adam is back!" Adam's voice rang throughout Hell. "All Exorcists, hold on and hold up. We're putting this uprising down like the rabid dogs they are."

"So, the OG Dad is back. Wonderful, now we get to bury him ourselves," Velvette said dryly.

"But where the fuck is he?" Vox said, his eyes darting back and forth as he checked many, many different feeds. "I....shit, Velvette, look up!"

The female member of the Vees did and cursed under her breath. On the hotel roof were exorcists. But they weren't the kind they were normally facing. Now, they all had actual armor, golden and holy. It wasn't that heavy looking, but it was there and she had no doubt it wouldn't be easy to deal with.

One Exorcist raised a spear high up above her head. "By the Grace of Heaven, and in the name of Adam.....!"

They all grinned wickedly down at the horde of sinners. "Die!"

The streets ran red with blood.

All of it crimson, not a single drop of gold.

"Velvette! Vox! What the fuck is going on at that hotel?" Valentino asked with a growl as he shook his phone wrathfully. It was taking forever to break inside the embassy, and the longer it took, the harder a time he was going to give his dear Angel Dust for making him wait. Oh, the thing he would do with that little little fuckhole.

"Sir!" a sinner said urgently, pulling at his coat

"WHAT?!" Valentino snapped, looking ready to strike or even kill the unlucky soul.

The sinner flinched before pointing behind them.

There, walking down the main street to the embassy, was the First Man.

He might have heavier, golden armor, but it was definitely him. The wings, the mask, there was no mistaking it.

Valentino smirked. Now that was a trophy one could only dream of acquiring. "You come to meet us head-on, First Man?" he called out mockingly as the horde of sinners moved around him, aiming their weapons at Adam.

"I'd feel pretty lame if I entered my own embassy through the backdoor," Adam remarked evenly. "Your friends are dead, by the way."

Valentino chuckled. "A funny jest. But things have changed. You may have come back, but we all know you're secret now! Angelic Steels hurts dogs like you just like us. Fill him full of holes, you asshats!"

Adam didn't react as the bullets approached him. 

Or when they hit him.

Valentino growled as he saw the bullets bouncing off Adam, even the parts of him unarmored. Of course, it wouldn't be as easy as shooting the head or something.

 Adam smirked as his wings and eyes glowed brighter and...

Valentino watched in disbelief as Adam crossed his wings and then snapped them out wide in a bursting motion. From there, a shield of holy energy raced forth to stop the sacred ammunition, sending them back with a vengeance.

The Moth Overlord looked back as the bullets tore through an entire swath of his underlings. He looked back and-

Adam Was About To Cut His Face Off With His Spear.

Valentino managed to fly back before a lethal hit could land. But after a second, a wound burst open on his head. It was small, but pleading profusely and hurt like hell. He roared and grabbed the wound, eyeing the weapon. "I thought you fancied a larger instrument, First Man?" he asked with a defiant growl.

Adam smiled. It was cold and cruel. "I'm at my best with a spear. First weapon ever made, after all. I hadn't had to use it in so long it never even occurred to me to bust it out," he mused.  "Oh, and before I kill your ass? I am the only asshole allowed to fuck bitches in that embassy!"

From inside the embassy, the exorcists and souls looked on in wonder as Adam of all people came to their rescue. Emily, despite everything, was overjoyed to see Adam alive. Sir Pentious was grateful, if not uncomfortable knowing his killer had returned as well.

As for Lute and Angel Dust?

"Let me go! I have to get out there!" Lute declared as she tried to rush outside, despite her own injuries, even her metal arm having been lost in the fighting.

"Bitch, you are not going out there and getting your ass killed!" Angle Dust said, helping the other exorcists hold down their leader. Former leader? One and future second-in-command? "So, um, he's going to fuck her in here after all of this done, right?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," another exorcist agreed, pinning Lute's wing down.

"....Hey, Lute, you want us to tie you up as a welcome-back present for your man?" Angel Dust asked with a smirk.

Lute stopped struggling and considered that offer far too seriously.

---

By the end of it, Adam sat upon his own pile of corpses, blood pooling around it greatly. He sat there with a smirk as he waited for the others to approach, 

Around him were the resurrected Exorcists in their greater armor, looking like a truly holy legion standing at the ready for their lord's command.

"Traitor," Adam spoke up to the exorcists nearest to him.

She flinched at her new... name and answered him with a frustrated yet subdued voice. "Yes, Sir?"

"Do you want her to know you made a deal with me to step in early, or should we just pretend you died before you got here?" Adam offered.

Traitor, formerly Vaggie, felt the cruel, amused looks of her "sisters" on her as she mulled the question over. "Will you actually do which I ask, or do the opposite, Sir?" Vaggie asked knowingly.

"Whichever you want," Adam answered. "Consider it a welcome back present."

Traitor bowed her head and was at least grateful that Adam gave her a choice in that.

So, which was less cruel for Charlie? To think she had died before help arrived, or to know that Vaggie once more served under Adam?

Notes:

Basically, Adam pulled a Bradley/Wrath moment from Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. This takes place long after the S1 finale, but things went to shit as they are want to do, leading Adam to return to clean up the mess.

And yeah, I decided to add in that Vaggie, aka Traitor, made a deal with Adam to save everyone from the Vees, instead of Adam just coming in to kill the Vees after they won. Naturally, he and the others aren't exactly happy with their deaths, despite coming back, so Vaggie isn't in a great spot.

Chapter 35: Bright Angel

Dreadful-Majesty AKA Adam returns to his primordial form. His Pre-Eden Form.

'It is said Man was created on the Sixth Day.

From the eyes of Mortals, this is true.

From the eyes of Angels, this is very much false.'

"Take your friends and GO HOME!" Lucifer roared before taking on a false polite smile. "Please."

That should have been the end of it. As Lute knelt there in bitter defeat over the corpse of Adam, surrounded by the victor of Hell.

But such ancient things don't die so easily...

Lute reached for Adam's halo, to take it, but stopped as she noticed something.

Lucifer noticed it next.

Then Charlie and the rest.

Adam's lifeless eyes were glowing.

Brighter.

His wings twitched.

"Adam?" Lute asked in hope and shock.

"No way, is he-" Angel Dust started in annoyance.

Everyone looked on in shock as the First Man, both and clothes, slowly turned to dust. The grains fell through Lute's horrified fingers as she sat there in numb incomprehension.

"What....what did you do to him....?!" Lute asked in rage.

"Maybe it's just a Dust to Dust thing?" Husk asked with a furrowed brow.

Lute was about to snap at the sinner when Someone Sat Up From The Dust.

Or perhaps, something?

It was a figure, made of pure golden light. Vaguely humanoid, but with no discernable features, save two empty circles for eyes. No matter what angle one looked upon those "eyes" from, they were always able to see clearly through them. 

There was also a third hole.

Right where a man had just been stabbed.

"Umm....the fuck?" Charlie couldn't help saying. "Dad, what is going on?"

But Lucifer was at a loss for words, staring at the entity with wide eyes. Not in fear or horror, but in pure disbelief, as if he was looking at something that had been lost forever and now gazed upon it for the first time in ages.

Because that was exactly what he was doing. "It can't be," he said softly.

"Adam?" Lute addressed in bewildered hope.

Adam, if it could still be called Adam, suddenly stood up. Not a single bit of dirt clung to the otherworldly entity. Everyone backed away, some aiming their weapons at it. But it did not attack or make any sudden moves.

It just started walking.

"S-short King, what the fuck?" Angel Dust called over. "Is that the First Asshole still, or what?"

Lucifer, however, didn't answer, still transfixed at the bright entity.

"Dad?" Charlie called out, touching his arm.

"Huh? Charlie?" Lucifer said as if taken out of a trance. His eyes flashed through many, many emotions as if he was finally, truly processing the situation.

"What's wrong? Is that Adam?" Charlie asked in worry.

Lucifer didn't answer before suddenly looking to Lute. "You! I don't know your name, but listen! Take your friends home and tell Sera what happened!"

Lute, still staring after the figure, glared at the Devil. "You think I'm going to leave him for you to-!"

"Listen To Me!" Lucifer snapped at her, grabbing her by the shoulders. He looked desperate, not angry. "Tell Sera, Adam has Shed His Dust! She'll know what it means! If we don't stop him, Hell isn't the only one getting fucked!"

Lute looked at Lucifer with a furrowed brow. "I don't- Wait, Adam, look out!"

Everyone turned in surprise as they saw Cherri charging the figure with an angelic knife. 

"Fuck, you idiot, don't!" Lucifer calledo ut in alarm.

"Like hell ya get to walk away, ya glowing dildo!" the cyclopes bellowed, moving to stab the entity in the back.

She hit Something.

It wasn't the figure.

It was Something around her target.

It was Something She Couldn't See.

The knife sunk through the Something, and it seemed to scream at Cherry.

No, Cherri realized it wasn't the Something that was screaming.

It was the knife in her hand.

The Bright Being never looked back at her.

She was flung away with a snap of reality, sending her flying.

"Cherri!" Angel Dust exclaimed as he rushed over to her. "You crazy bitch, you okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. But what...." Cherry stopped as she looked at her weapon. The angelic knife hadn't just broken, it turned to ash before her very eye. "The fuck? Anggie, you seeing this?"

"I'm...seeing something else," Angel Dust said slowly, drawing Cherri's attention back to her would-be target.

Even as Adam kept walking, his form started to grow.  Everyone could only watch in awe and incomprehension as the humanoid being of golden light now steadily grew taller and taller until it dwarfed them all

Ninety feet tall, to be exact.

"Go! Now!" Lucifer snapped at Lute.

Lute looked between Lucifer and the figure before nodding. Whatever was happening to Adam, she needed the Seraphims to help. "All Exorcists! Retreat and return to Heaven!" she called out as she took off.

Even as she retreated with the others, she looked back at the figure.

She bore witness to not two, but four long limbs emerging from the back.

They were wings.

Not of feathers.

But of light, reaching up to the Crimson Skies of Hell.

The Pits of Damnation began to tremble under the steps of the giant.

And Lute found it beautiful in all his Dreadful Majesty.

"Charlie!" Lucifer called over to his daughter. "You and your friends need to stay here!"

"But....he's going to destroy the city!" Charlie pointed out, realizing the path the giant was going in.

"What even is going on? What the fuck is he?!" Vaggie said in shock.

Lucifer took a breath. "There's nothing you can do here. This is Adam as he was before everything, before Eden."

"Before....what do you mean?" Charlie asked in confusion.

"There's no time to explain," Lucifer said in frustration. "Charlie, all you need to know is that you can't hurt him like this. And he'll kill you without even meaning to."

"Yeah, but can't you put the kibosh on him like you did before?" Angel Dust asked hopefully.

"No, I can't. Not like I am," Lucifer said with a frown. "If I did, I might destroy most of Pride Ring, if not the rest of Hell."

"Dad, you're scaring me, what is Adam trying to do?" Charlie implored.

Lucifer set his mouth into a frown. "If I had to guess? He's trying to fix Creation."

Those words sounded far more ominous than they should.

"And...how would he do that?" Vaggie asked warily.

Lucifer leveled his eyes on the back of the giant, slowly entering Pentagram City.

"By Uncreating Hell...and, quite possibly, Heaven and Earth too."

Silence came over them.

"....T-the fuck?! How does that fix anything?!" Angel Dust exclaimed in shock.

"You don't get it," Lucifer said with a groan. "He doesn't...SEE anything like we do right now! He probably doesn't even know we exist right now! All he sees is a gaping, bleeding wound in Creation and is trying to fix the damage!"

Which was a nice sentiment, Charlie agreed, but horrifying in the implication. "And this might destroy...everything?"

"Not destroy, uncreate. Make it like it never happened, start over. A clean slate," Lucifer answered with a scowl before shaking his head. "I can't explain more. I have to slow him down before Sera and the others get here."

"Shit....this is really bad if you think the angels are going to help us," Husk realized grimly. 

"Just..." Lucifer winced. "Be safe, Charlie. Stay away and stay alive."

With that, the King of Hell took flight to do battle with the First Man.

And for once, it truly was for the sake of Creation that the Devil's might was brought to bear against a Bright Angel.

Notes:

Right, so.... Lot of things in this short bit. Basically, this is Adam as a pure spiritual entity, becoming an existence beyond the rest of Creation. This is him "Shedding His Dust" as Lucifer put it. And yes, Bright-Adam is trying to fix Creation. And he actually can. But doing so would destroy Hell, and possibly the rest of Creation.

I primarially just wantedto get this idea out of my head, but I might make a short fic out of this one day, which is basically just a kaiju-fic of everyone trying to stop Bright-Adam from Uncreating everything.

If you can't tell, Adam's "True Form" or whatever you want to call it is based on "Adam the First Angel" from the Evangelion anime. The picture above is even just a recolored image of the Evangelion Adam.

Chapter 36: Man of Hell

Man of Hell AKA Adam has a very interesting reuion when he wakes up in Hell as a Demon.

Adam wasn't sure what he expected when he awoke.

Part of him thought it was all a bad dream. The battle, Lucifer, dying again.

But something was wrong. He could feel it. Something was different. The blazing light of holy energy was gone, the warmth of Heaven was gone.

Yet, something else had taken its place. It was warm, almost suffocating, and all around him.

It was...like in the shade of a hot summer day. It was almost bearable, but still stifling.

It was by the end of that thought process that he realized he was lying on hard stone.

He pulled himself up and everything hurt. Hurt like it hadn't in nine thousand years. Hurt like it did in life, after a long day of toiling the land.

He realized he was in a cave, the damp air almost familiar. It was a large circular area, mostly natural but someone had clearly carved and smoothed it out some too. The ceiling was lined with some kind of red moss, glowing enough to illuminate the room. There was a pathway out, but on the opposite side was a pool of water, more trickling in from cracks in the wall.

Adam growled and was acutely aware of how much like an animal he sounded as he trudged over to the water.

He peered down and was frustratingly unsurprised by what he saw.

He was a demon now. Fallen angel or sinner, who could say for sure? It didn't really fucking matter to him. Now, he was too busy touching his face. It was his mask, but it was now his face, horns and all. The golden lights of his eyes and mouth were now a darkened bronze. His wings remained but were pitch black and more like a dragon's than a bird's.

So after everything, this was what happened to him, huh?

He narrowed his eyes as he heard someone approaching, looking towards the exit.

One might think Adam would feel helpless in this situation. They would be sorely wrong. He didn't back down to Lucifer, he wasn't going to cower before whoever or whatever was about to fuck with him.

That didn't mean he wouldn't make the most of the situation. Dying had kicked in a lot of his old instincts, the only boon he could find in all this.

"Hey!" a voice called. "Anyone here?!"

The goat-horned demon hummed as he entered the room, finding it empty.

He looked around the watering hole before shaking his head. "Dammit, I told them no one could have spawned in down here. None of us died recent-LY!" he finished, barely jumping forward on instinct, dodging where Adam had leapt down from the ceiling.

"Guess again, asshole!?" Adam snarled with a vicious grin.

"Hey, buddy, you don't want...!" the goat paused, looking the First Man up and down. "Wait, Father?"

Adam blinked. The voice was similar, but he had heard a lot of voices like any of his loved ones. But getting a good look at the goat-man, he did see some rather familiar features and more importantly, a distinctive mark on the left side of the head, however faded. "....Cain?" Adam asked slowly.

Cain starred for a long, long time. "When I was ten, you named me the King of Shit after I had the largest turd you had ever seen."

"Oh fuck, it is you!" he realized in shock. "I thought you were dead?! Like, double-dead!"

"That's my line to you!" Cain retorted loudly. "Holly fuck Dad! I was still trying to process the idea you were gone, and now you're here?! Are you fucking haunting me or something right now? Because please, don't, I already had enough of that with Abel! I deserved that shit, I admit it, but I'm done with being haunted!"

"Son, calm your horns, I'm not haunting your ass," Adam said firmly. "Now where the fuck am I and how the HELL am I alive?"

"Why do you think I know!? I mean, on the last part," Cain answered. "We're in some caves under Pride. Well, under Pride, above Wrath, same different."

"There are tunnels between the rings?" Adam asked in surprise.

"I'm only telling you that because your ass is definitely a demon now!" Cain warned, pointing a finger at Adam's wings.

"Yeah, yeah, rub it in, "Adam said with a sigh. "So, going to try and go for patricide now too, Sonny?"

Cain winced at that. Truly, utterly winced.

Adam's eyes softened. "Sorry, I....." he trailed off. "I could never figure out how it would go if we met again."

"That makes two of us," Cain admitted. "Do you want to kill me, Dad?"

"...I came looking, you know? Before the exterminations started," Adam admitted with a frown. "I thought you were already dust on the fucking floor."

Cain stared for a long moment.

"So, you live here? "Adam asked evenly, looking outside the exit, seeing three more paths leading to places he didn't even have an idea of.

"Deeper in, yeah," Cain admitted before sighing. "Dad? Why did you start the exterminations?"

"What makes you so certain I started this shit?" Adam asked flatly.

"Call it a hunch," Cain answered pointedly.

Adam shrugged. "What do you want me to say? Demons rose up and became too powerful. There were so many souls in hell that it was too easy for demons to become Archfiends. Someone had to do it to keep Heaven safe and....why not me?" he explained, looking to the side.

Cain could think of several but chose not to voice them.

"If you're asking if I started this to kill you specifically? No. Not unless you wanted me to," Adam admitted.

".....How is Abel?" Cain asked in a small voice.

"Good. Still a smartass. Think he was dating a cherub last I heard," Adam remarked.

Cain smiled as something ancient lifted off his shoulder. "Good, good," he said with a weak smile. "Come on, I'll show you around."

Adam raised an eyebrow but followed after his eldest child. It wasn't like he had a lot of better options to consider.

It was strange, Adam found, surreal even. They were both demons, but if anything, it felt more like they were back on Earth. When they were both young men, Cain eager to go hunting with him. A hard, but simple and fulfilling life.

Adam wasn't sure how far they walked or how long it took. The silence, despite everything, wasn't awkward.

But the silence ended, not by either of them, but by dull sounds at the end of the tunnel. Adam narrowed his eyes. He could hear talking, fire, and more. Just where was Cain leading him?

His answer came soon enough as they entered a large cavern, and the noise turned into a soft cacophony. The area was massive and opened, the ceiling held up by pillars carved from the same stone, the room illuminated by the moss collected into lanterns, somehow glowing even brighter.

This wasn't just a cavern, it was a dining hall, filled with tables of cooled molten stone. And the room was filled with demons, eating and chatting amongst themselves.

No, it was filled with sinners, hundreds, maybe more. And all of them were very tall for the average sinner.

"Welcome to Takhat-Bayit, Father," Cain said with a small smile as he saw his father's shocked expression.

"You've been down here, this entire time?" The question came from Adam almost unconsciously as his hand trembled.

Cain nodded and descended down the stone stairs to the main area.

Adam felt his feet turn to lead for a moment. It was like that day, so long ago, when he left Eden to remain with Eve.

And just like that, despite the heaviness, he moved forward.

It started slow. Most noticed Cain before they noticed him. But slowly with every step, the cavern grew more and more silent.

He reached the final step and kept walking through the hall. But it was only now that he looked at each of them as he walked.

Every one of them was different, and yet the same. He recognized every face, every name, every soul he thought he would never see again.

They were shocked to see him, let alone like this.

With every step, he imagined their eyes flaring into his back.

The Father Who Murdered His Own Bloodline.

Kronos would not expect kindness from his vomited children, Adam didn't expect it to come from his hunted offspring.

Did Cain just bring him here for a public execution?

"....Grandfather?"

He looked over, but he didn't see the cat-eared sinner. He saw the crimson-haired granddaughter who died to a sabertooth in the cold winter snow. A girl who he knew stole constantly from her family, in greed and envy. 

"Shenit," Adam greeted softly as she stared back at him with wide eyes.

He waited for the hate, the screaming, the attacks to come.

He didn't expect the hug.

Or the tears.

"You're not dead.....!"

Adam numbly embraced her and looked up, looking around. It was just in time to feel another embracing his side. Then his back, two at his back, and more crowding around. There was no hate in their eyes. Father, Grandfather, All-Father all left their lips. Not with reverence or hollow respect, but with the love and understanding that only family could provide.

"....Adam....?"

All at once, every voice went silent and every arm left him with looks of anticipation on their face. Adam was slow to turn, for he knew that voice.

There, emerging from another cave tunnel and standing next to Cain, was a woman. She had a hat, a cloak, and a checkboard-colored tube top. Her hair was black with only a hint of red to it.

But despite how different she looked, he didn't need to see her true name to know it was her.

Even here, in this pit, after all these years....that was still her scent in the air.

"Eve," he said. Not in greeting. He just had to say her name, to somehow make this more real.

"Adam, I.....," Eve trailed off. "You're not here. You're dead. You can't be here."

He walked forward.

Eve inhaled sharply but refused to step back. "This isn't a dream. Or a nightmare. I recognize those by now. You forgiving me. You killing me. I never.... ever dreamed of you being one of us...."

He kept walking to her.

She remained where she was, but she was trembling. "You have to hate, me, right? I'm the reason, after all. I didn't do enough, I didn't try hard enough to make up for my mistake. I ruined everything......

He was standing ring in front of her, looking down at her, but only barely a head taller than her.

"....Adam, say something, please," Eve whispered.

"I like the new look," he said idly.

Eve blinked, twice, thrice. "I....thank you?"

"I mean it, you rock that look. I hope none of them developed an Oedipus complex," Adam said with a chuckle.

Cain facepalmed. "Really, Father? Really?"

"I.....Adam! Why would you....even say something like that!?" Eve exclaimed in shock and embarrassment.

"I had to see something to snap you out of the shock, right??" Adam asked with a smile. "I'm here, Eve. I don't have the faintest fucking clue how or why, but I'm glad it dropped me down here with you and the cave-brats."

"Father, we're all around nine thousand years or more," Cain remained with a deadpan.

"Yeah, and ten is still higher than nine, punk!" Adam said with a grin to his eldest.

Adam was silenced by Eve suddenly grabbing him and dragging him down into a kiss.

There may have been several of their descendants whooping in the background, but Adam hardly cared.

Eve pulled back in surprise at the sight of Adam's large, glowing tongue that licked at his lips. "....I'm disappointed that I can't see your real face, but I am now very intrigued......" Eve said with wide eyes and a faint blush.

It took a while for everything to finally settle down, everyone gathered around the table.

"I don't get it. You guys have been living down here all this time? Even before the Exterminations?" Adam asked curiously.

Eve nodded. "When we all first arrived here, we weren't exactly interested in being "ruled" by Lucifer and Lilith. For a while, we co-existed in Hell, the Sinners and the Demons, or the Hellborn as they call them now. Separate for the most part. Then they found out that owning a human soul could make a demon much more powerful," Eve said grimly.

Cain grimaced, glaring into his drink. "We had a lot of traitors in the early days, who sold us out to join their side. I don't know if the Hellborn were sent by the Morningstars or if just didn't care, but needless to say, they didn't like us being in conflict with their "subjects" regardless of why."

The moods soured a lot at that as Eve frowned. "We went underground. Survived as we always had on Earth. We saved everyone we could, bringing them down here. But over time, Lucifer and Lilith's grip over our descendants grew too strong. The cities they built were like honeytraps, enticing them to be their worst selves."

"....And what have you been doing instead?" Adam asked curiously.

"Surviving mostly, Grandfather," Shenit answered, giving him a plate of ribs. Ribs of what, he didn't know or care. "If you're asking if we still do horrible stuff like up there....?"

"We kill and steal when we have to, but mostly we keep to ourselves," Cain answered with a sigh. "Every now and against, we had a...problem member we had to deal with. Rapists, psychopaths, and more.  We're the bunch who, well, can sit around a table without trying to kill or violate each other."

Someone else probably would have said that was ironic from The First Murderer. But Cain was far from the Worst Murderer, even before Adam died.

"Of course, it was them that screwed shit up," Adam said with a sigh. "Let me guess, not long after that, the Archfeinds started to become a thing? Then the War happened and the Extermination began after?"

"Right on the spot, Love," Eve agreed with a smile. 

"....Do you hate me for the exterminations, Eve?" Adam asked evenly. "I wouldn't be surprised if you do. Seems to be a theme lately."

Eve sighed. "I despise that it is you of all souls that was doing it, but I blame the angels for that. I hate that they had to begin all. But I will admit....if you hadn't begun, we might not be here. Lucifer and Lilith stopped bothering to hunt for us once the Exterminations began."

"And if I'm being honest, it's natural selection after a certain point," Cain said with a head shake. "You announce the damn date, have a damn clocktower counting down for all to see, and somehow everyone hasn't either run for the wilderness or got into a damn bunker? A basement? Just off the fucking streets?"

Adam looked around. The mood was mixed. Some were indifferent, others were saddened by the topic, but none of them were looking at him with outrage or anger.

"So....Angelic Steel can kill angels? The fuck?" Cain asked bluntly.

"Language," Eve said instinctively, facepalming as she did. "I haven't said that in over nine thousand years.

Adam sighed. "Yeah. Lilith was a lying cunt, but between the angelic steel bit and you being down here despite doing just as much as I did, Eve? I'm beginning to think she had a point about not trusting the Angels to know best about everything," he said in a very, very tired voice.

"Well, there are two upsides, Adam, "Eve said softly as she took his hand.

"One of those is being with you all again," Adam said knowingly, smiling a bit. "What the fuck is the other bit?"

"Angel Steel can kill Angels," Cain repeated with a small smirk.

Adam furrowed his brow as he understood the implication. "Kiddo-"

"I am almost the same age as you at this point!" Cain said in exasperation."

'Cain, I am going to take a long nap, forget this is real, come to terms with it, and figure our where your mother and me stand. Depending on that, she might not walk for a few days," Adam said bluntly. 

Eve smiled in anticipation.

"After all of that? Then we can talk about killing Lucifer."

Notes:

Yeah, this is basically a reverse of Eve of Heaven in a weird way, Adam coming back as a sinner and reunited with his family. Also plays into a fandom idea that very few, if any human souls made it into Heaven for a long time after Adam died. I don't apply to the "Heaven is very exclusive" logic, but I thought I might place with it here. And threw in the idea that Eve(yes, she's Roo here, but it's just an alias) and her descendants tried to coexist with the Morningstars ruling the Hellborn, but that fell apart the moment Human Souls became a resource to grow in power.

Don't plan on making a full fic out of this, but I do like the idea of Cain and/or Eve leading a group of OG sinners in tunnels under Pride.

Chapter 37: To Stand Above Seraphim

To Stand Above Seraphim AKA Many mistakes were made in the early days of creation.

Lute could barely see where she was going as she and all the remaining exorcists flew back to Heaven. Her head was spinning. Adam was dead, so many of her sisters had fallen and been eaten by cannibals, the devil himself joined the fight, and.....

Adam was dead. No matter how often she thought that, it didn't feel enough to make it real. So she didn't think about it. She pushed it back. She had to do something. Namely getting Lilith off her ass to do something about her brat.

She forced herself into clarity as her feet touched down on the bridge to Heaven. "Corporal, contact Raphael's sphere for healers. Save who we can. Send a message to Sera that we were defeated. I'll give her a full report later. I....." Lute frowned as she realized everything was quiet, too quiet. She looked back and saw all of them looking on with lost expressions. Not shell-shocked or fearful, just...confused. "What is it?"

"Ma'am, behind you," one of them said with an awed voice before.

Lute turned in annoyance before she looked on in wonder and confusion.

There was a Seraphim on the bridge and they were facing Heaven, their back to the exorcist. And they were glowing, more than a Seraphim normally was.

Lute approached, feeling a strange sense of familiarity with this presence, and realized something important.

She assumed it had been a trick of the light or mind. Because there was no way she was seeing that right, counting that right.

But now, as she approached, she realized this angel wasn't a seraphim.

Seraphim had six wings.

This angel had eight.

That was....impossible? Unheard of? Amazing?

Lute felt the rage smolder in her heart. It was almost unwillingly, as she was bathed in a comforting aura around this figure. "Your....Your Grace?" she called out as she reached out to the figure.

The large figure turned, and Lute felt the world stop.

Because that couldn't be him.

Right?

"Lute," he greeted, her very name revibrating with a sad, solemn tone about it.

"....Adam...?" she whispered, tears starting to form. "Is that....are you.....?"

He touched her shoulder and she inhaled as her body was healed of all injuries. Save her arm, which was replaced by a limb that was made out of pure, holy energy.

But Lute did not care about any of that. She only cared about the fact that she could feel it in her soul! This was him! Adam was alive! Without care for anything else, she hugged him with all her might.

"You're alive! Your bastard! I thought you died!" Lute exclaimed through her tears.

"Adam?"

"Sir?"

'The boss is alive?!"

Adam looked up and smiled at the exorcists who came back.

Those who survived.

Adam's eyes dimmed at the reminder.

-

In Hell, the celebrations against Heaven were cut short as cannibals began to drop left and right, the golden blood of the angels they had eaten ripping itself out of their bodies like living things. The sinners that dared such a thing found their bodies being torn apart from the inside out.

They did not heal.

They did not return.

They-

"Sir?"

Adam looked back down at Lute, who stared up at him with an uncertain expression. "What...what now? How are you....?"

Adam sighed. "I think I need to talk to someone first about that, Lute."

"Adam?!"

"Speak of the angel," Adam murmured as he turned to see Sera and Emily approaching.

"What happened?" Sera asked as she landed. "We saw and felt a rush of holy power across all of Creation and.....and"

It was only now that Sera realized that Adam was a bit taller than before and that he had many more wings now. Too many.

"Sera," Adam said with a simple glare.

Immediately the head Seraphim felt her knees shaking in the urge to kneel as some crushed on her back.

Emily, too shocked to even speak, found herself prostrated on her hands and knees. Her body refused to listen, her head would not rise.

The exorcists found themselves dropping to one knee with far more grace than the Seraphim.

"I think you and me need to talk about a few things," Adam said flatly. When no response came, he noticed that Emily was on the floor and unable to look up at him. He glanced back and realized Lute and the others were kneeling. "...Shit. Sorry about that," he said with a sigh, furrowing his brow as he looked to the side.

There was a glow, and Adam was suddenly smaller. And he only had two wings again. Even his mask was back.

But his wings were...more now. They glowed with a soft golden hue and radiated small with that looked like whisps from the surface of a star, flowing majestically along the lengths of his wings.

"Sorry about that, Emily, girls," Adam said as he reached down to help the trembling seraphim up.

Emily shook a bit as she looked up and took his hand. "A-adam? Is that you?" she asked.

"I don't really know my own strength yet, I guess," he said with a soft smile. "I didn't mean to scare you."

It was so weird, Adam talking so kindly yet....he sounded tired, for some reason.

"I-it's okay. I was more overwhelmed than scared, "Emily assured with a smile of her own. And it was true. Despite being forced to the ground like that, she didn't feel anything ill from Adam. "....Did you just have eight wings?"

"Did I?" Adam asked with poorly feigned innocence. "I suppose I did."

"Adam, what happened? Where are the rest of the exorcists?" Sera asked with a furrowed brow.

Adam scowled. "Killed by cannibal sinners, led by Lucifer's daughter."

-

Every demon fled from the ruins of the Hotel as the hill it was built on suddenly collapsed, as if the last great attack of the First Man had caused a sinkhole to develop beneath it.

Charlie fled from her father's arms as she began to count her friends and allies. They had already lost enough, she didn't want to lose anymore.

And yet, despite everything, none thought any of this strange yet. A natural disaster after a large battle, and angelic flesh being toxic to demons. None of that was too surprising in hindsight, just unlucky.

-

"They died" Adam answered bluntly to their shock. "And so did I."

"What? That's terrible! " Emily said in disbelief. She had spoken against the exterminations, but she didn't want this! Angels dead? That....that was almost unthinkable.

Sera was troubled by that too, but confused by another. "What do you mean you....died, Adam?"

"We'll get to that in a moment," Adam said, looking over his shoulders. "Ladies, return to the compound. Call for healers. Lute, you're with me and the Seraphims."

"Sir," Lute saluted as the Exorcists moved out.

Adam nodded to Sera. "Beam us up, I suppose."

Sera raised an eyebrow before teleporting all four of them to her office. "Now, tell me-"

Sera went silent as eyes formed around Adam. Not on his wings, but in the very air around him. Giant eyes that seemed to open from eyelid in the fabric of reality.

"No, Sera, you are going to tell ME some things so I can make sense of the bullshit I find in my head, "Adam said pointedly. No one moved. Sera looked on with dread, Emily in worry, and Lute in awe.

"A-adam, why are you so angry with us?" Emily asked in soft worry.

Adam didn't look at her. He wasn't sure he could keep his powers off her if he did. "Oh, I'm not angry with you, Emily. You're about the only Seraphim who couldn't have had anything to do with this."

Emily was both relieved and concerned by that. Was this another secret....?

"I died down there in Hell. Stabbed in the back by a midget janitor," Adam continued to Sera.

That raised several questions for the Seraphims, and blood rose for Lute.

"Sera, when did I first die?" Adam asked with narrowed eyes.

Sera blinked. "You....you died just over nine thousand years ago. You were nine-hundred and thirty-two. Why?"

"Wrong. That's when I became an angel," Adam said pointedly. "Did I actually die?"

"....Sir?" Lute asked in confusion. "What do you....?"

"Death wasn't supposed to exist, Lute, or mortality" Adam reminded, still staring at Sera. As were all of the eyes floating around him ominously. "So, what do you think a bunch of angels do when the First Man reaches the end of his natural life? We have no idea what the exact qualifications for Heaven or Hell are, do you think they knew what happened when a body expired?"

Sera was silent.

"Fine. Stop me when I'm wrong. One of you or all of you had the idea to bring me up to Heaven, body and soul. And for whatever reason- I'm the Firs Man, Creation was still settling down, maybe it just fucking works like that if you're alive when you reach Heaven- I became like an angel."

"....None of that is untrue, Adam," Sera admitted, her eyes turning regretful as he looked at Adam, truly looked. He seemed....no, he felt a lot like the Adam from long ago, when he was innocent back in Eden and still hopeful on Earth.

"That was the first time I actually died," Adam said.

Sera closed her eyes and winced. "That form, it is you, isn't it? How you were meant to be?"

Adam nodded solemnly. "I feel like I've been walking in a haze of insanity for all these millennia. Like I was a lizard, trapped in its own skin. Unable to shed it and the skin refusing to break."

Sera inhaled. "Adam, we didn't want that. We just...we didn't know, we thought we would lose you! We had no idea it would bring you pain-"

"Pain's an old friend, Sera. That wasn't why I'm pissed," Adam said, growling as he banished the eyes to everyone's relief. "I can see...everything so much clearer now. I could have fixed so many things, so long ago."

"What do you mean.....?" Emily asked in confusion.

Adam's one set of wings turned into four again. "Even since the Fall, I wanted nothing more than to help heal and fix what was broken. Now that I've truly, finally, my mortal coil is loose? I have a greater connection to all of Creation than anyone in Heaven. I actually KNOW how everything is broken and still working," Adam explained, shaking his head. "It's hard to explain, it really is. And I don't really blame you, Sera, but....fucking hell, you have no idea how frustrating it is to know you had the manual to fix shit all this time, but you had no way to read or apply it."

Sera bowed her head. "So, you're saying that, in trying to help Creation, we only made its suffering continue and worsen?"

Adam nodded. "Through no fault of your own, I see. That was why I was really pissed. I couldn't tell if you fuckers had no idea what you were doing or just didn't like the idea of me suddenly outranking your feathered asses.

"Sir, may I just say it is good to hear you cursing again? I was beginning to think you were turning into a different person," Lute said suddenly.

"Not a chance, Danger-tits. Just a lot less baggage, more wisdom, and other stuff going on under the hood, "Adam answered with a grin, flexing his wings a bit. "Admit it, this is kind of sexy, right?"

"Still Adam," Sera murmured, her fondness reluctant but there.

Emily blushed and looked to the side. "A-about being wiser, Adam? I...I still call you Adam, right? Does he actually outrank us now?" Emily asked innocently.

"You can call me Adam still, Ems," Adam assured with a nod. "And yeah, I already know about Sir Pentious."

"You do?" Sera asked in surprise.

"Who?" Lute asked blankly.

"A snake sinner I killed in the battle. The giant blimp with the laser that I pwned?" Adam reminded.

"Ahh, that. What about him?" Lute asked curiously.

"He got redeemed," Adam answered casually.

"Ah. I see," Lute said before blinking. "Wait, WHAT?! Sir, did you just say....?!"

"Yeah, yeah, redemption is possible, the princess was fucking right, and all that," Adam answered with a wave of his hand.

"Sir, that's impossible! There's no way!" Lute denied.

"Go ahead, get it out of your system. I did before you girls showed up on the bridge," Adam said casually.

Lute put a hand over her face. "And you...you're okay with this, Sir?"

"I mean, in the list of specific things I could have fixed, this is one of them. We could have gotten this ball rolling two thousand years ago," Adam said with a shrug.

Everyone went silent at that. "Wait, what do you mean two thousand years ago? Couldn't you have just...started redemption and not done the exterminations at all?" Emily asked

"Nope," Adam said bluntly. "Creations is like a living creature. An eternal one, mind you, but it is trying to heal from the fuck up that was the Fall. And the earliest it could have healed would have been two thousand years ago. That what actually part of the idea with Jesus. Part, mind you. Had the whole Harrowing of Hell thing planned. That was supposed to be a recurring thing, actually. But best-laid plans got shot out the window by many people upstairs and downstairs, so Creation had to pull the emergency option."

"Emergency option?" Sera repeated in bewilderment.

"Yeah, I mean, why do you think the Ls only have one kid? Lilith's womb was barren as shit after she lost her First Woman privileges. But Creation pulled at every last connection to Good that Lucifer and Lilith still had, and channeled that into the naive, misguided, noble little brat whose literal purpose in creation is to redeem sinners. And just like me raising a family on Primoridal Earth, she is fucking it up at the start a bit because she has no idea what's she doing, same as me," Adam finished his rant with a deep breath.

"...." Sera sat down. "So not only could Sinner have been saved before now, we basically threw the door in the face of the one meant to do it."

"Eh, don't beat yourself up. I mean, unless you want me to spank you or something," Adam said, grinning as she glared. "Good, less mopey. But look, I know I'm getting up to this whole wisdom thing, but m not regretting a lot of what I said or did. We had no reason to trust her and two big reasons not to," Adam mused. "Now, I am going to go check on my girls, figure out if we can fix the problem with Angel Steel or just need to erase it from existence, and then figure out how to revive dead angels."

"You can do that?!" Lute and Emily asked in shock.

"Yep," Adam answered. "But before all of that, I need a moment to myself. Chou!"

Before anyone could say anything, Adam vanished with a grin.

"Adam....?"

His smile fell, but he didn't scowl. He took on his new, true form as he turned to look down at the Queen of Hell herself.

"That is...you, isn't it?" Lilith said, standing on the beach, having removed her sunglasses to make sure her eyes weren't betraying her somehow.

"Lilith," Adam greeted as he sat down, still almost taller than her now. "I'm sorry to say, you are no longer my equal."

It wasn't a mock or a boast. Just a simple fact.

"...I see," Lilith said in resignment as she saw the eight wings and felt the holy power radiating off Adam. It was greater than all of the Seraphims combined. "My daughter?"

"She will live, "Adam assured.

"....My husband?" Lilith asked, half expecting him to ask "Which one?" or something to that effect.

"I'll kick his ass, but he'll be the same duckfucker you ran off with," Adam answered with a snort.

Lilith nodded and took a deep breath. "And me, Adam?"

"....." Adam was silent.

Lilith had a bitter smile. "Make it quick. That is all I ask."

"Dignified to the very end. Eden or Hell, you were always meant to be a queen," Adam said in what just might be praise. "Any last words?"

"....I'm sorry, Adam," Lilith said solemnly.

"So am I, Lilith," Adam returned as he pointed one solitary finger at her.

Lilith closed her eyes and welcomed the end.

Light overtook her existence.

Her only regret was not sending one final message to Charlie and Lucifer.

Adam hummed as he looked at the burnt circle where Lilith once stood, looking up as her ashes dissipated in the wind.

He turned his gaze off to the horizon and smiled.

He didn't remember the last time a sunrise looked so wonderful.

"Well, looks like it's time for me to get to work. Again."

Notes:

End of Chapter

Yep. So, the idea here is that the Angels took Adam into Heaven alive when he was about to die from old age. This is because they were still figuring out the repercussions of Sin and the Fall. Thus, Adam never actually "died" and he wasn't some much an angel but a human imbued with angelic powers and nature from being in Heaven for so long.

Thus, his dying not only give him his "Above The Seraphim" Form, an eight-winged angel, but it also unfucks a lot of his personal problems and gives him a higher awareness/connection to all of Creation. Not exactly "God" but "Good Demiurge" is the best way to describe it. And yeah, Adam could have unfucked a lot of problems. Mistakes were made.

And yeah, Adam killed Lilith after revealing "You Are No Longer My Equal." I'll be honest, I thought about doing something funny here with Lilith marching off back to Hell to find a way to reach Adam's level, buuuut had this more interesting idea here, leaving it open-ended if Lilith is dead or going to come back like Adam did because she never died either.

 

Oh, almost forgot. Adam was causing disaster shit to happen in Hell just with his ire. Again, Good Demiurge level bullshit.

Chapter 38: Crumbling of Creation

Crumbling of Creation AKA When Adam died, something else went with him.

It should have been a grand moment in Heaven and Hell.

Charlie had pushed back the exterminations for the first time since they began, slaying their leader due to his own hubris.

Emily and Sera both looked upon a soul, the first redeemed Sinner after he had appeared in a meeting room.

But as Adam's golden blood cooled upon the battlefield, alongside the rest of the slaughtered exorcists, something terrible happened.

Something across all of Creation.

On Earth, it was something as simple and as monumental as the sun dimming. The Mortal looked up in disbelief as the sun's brightness lessened, where even high noon on a cloudless day still looked like it was a clouded evening. And throughout the world, every living creature felt a sobering chill run through them.

In Heaven, Emily gasped as the colors all drained away from everything, leaving the bright realm of the virtuous a place of gray shades.

"Sera, what's happening....?" Emily asked, clutching at her chest where she felt something missing. Something important, something that comforted and supported her had abruptly vanished from her soul.

"No....," Sera whispered, clutching her head. "No, please....please don't leave us...." she whispered in shock as she began to cry.

And deep in Hell, it was seen the least yet felt the most.

The Light of Heaven went out above Pride, and in every other ring, the glow of every holy weapon abruptly died. And the pit within the soul of each demon, sinner and hellbound, was suddenly all the more painful to bear. As if some distant comfort they never knew existed was suddenly cut off.

Charlie, however, was crying. She was crying and she didn't know why. "D-dad? What's going on.....?" Charlie turned to see Lucifer looking up in shock at the grey gate of Heaven. "Dad? What....what's wrong....?"

"Is Heaven....counterattacking somehow?" Vaggie asked, even as she tried to stop the trembling in her hand.

"No," Lucifer answered, but it sounded more like denial than a negative. "No, that.....that can't be...? How could....? Why would-" he abruptly looked to Adma's corpse, eyes wide and transfixed.

"Dad?" Charlie asked, reaching out.

Lucifer was suddenly gone, and by Adam's side, magic at his fingers. "No, no, no! Not like this, not like this!" Lucifer screamed in desperate refusal.

"Is that...Helaing magic?" Husk grunted out, grabbing at his chest, his heart.

"What? Short king, we already have a problem, we don't need his ass again!" Angel Dust calledo ut.

"No, no, no!" Lucifer screamed in anguish. "This can't happen! Not now, not for him of all people! It isn't right! This is....this is too cruel....."

"Dad," Charlie said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder as she knelt down. "Dad, he's gone. What's wrong?"

Lucifer looked up and Charlie gasped.

The Devil was crying, with a broken smile. "Charlie, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.....How could....why would they.....?"

"Sir, pull yourself together, please. We can't help if we don't know what is going on," Vaggie pleaded with a firm look.

Lucifer didn't answer for a moment. Then, he let out a single chuckle and replied.

"Everyone is going to die."

It was said with a broken, almost delirious tone.

"Dad? What are you....?" Charlie asked in dread. "You're scaring me.'

"I'm sorry, Charlie. But I...I can't protect you from this. No one can," he answered with a pained smile. "There's this....thing. It's the source of Everything. All of Creation and Every Soul comes from it. We call it the Empyrean. It's the beating Heart of Creation, And it's gone."

"W-what do you mean it's gone?" Angel Dust said in alarm.

"I'm saying, the furnace that powers and holds EVERYTHING together just went out," Lucifer remarked, looking over at Adam's corpse. "And it went out when the last of Adam's lifeforce went away."

"....Him?" Vaggie repeated with one wide, disbelieving eye. "You're telling me that this thing, the source of everything, just.....just died because Adam did too, this asshole!?"

"Oh, it didn't die. It's eternal. It existed before any of us," Lucifer said with hollow amusement. "It just...left. Adam died, and the Heart of Everything just cashed in its chips and left Creation to crumble away."

"But the angels-!?" Charlie started insistently

"Charlie," Lucifer interrupted firmly. "Even the angels are going to die. It might be the last place left standing, but even the Heavens themselves will fade away into nothingness."

"And....what happens then?" Husk asked, paling heavily, almost ready to throw up.

"Nothing," Lucifer answered flatly. "Everything just ends. Maybe the Empyrean will start over, maybe it won't. We all cease to be."

"But why!?" Vaggie raged, running her hands through her hair. "We won! Why does this....this piece of shit dying mean everyone loses!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Lucifer snapped loudly, his demonic form flashing to the surface. He sat there in important rage and sorrow as his powers receded after they all flinched back. "I don't...know why. I just know what I know. And what I know is that Everyone and Everything is going to end."

"....Dammit," Vaggie whispered, clinching her fist as she started to cry.

"There's....there's got to be something we can do, right?" Charlie asked. "Or something the Angels can do?"

"I don't think so, Ducky,' Lucifer said as he got to his feet. "So...anyone want pancakes?"

"....What?" Charlie asked with incredulity.

"Creation is ending, and you want...pancakes?" Husk repeated.

"I want to go home, eat, and try to....process this. See if Sera doesn't call to scream at me for causing the end of everything," Lucifer said with a wistful smile. "I don't know how long we have. Maybe days, maybe centuries. But Hell will start crumbling long before it's fully gone. So, yeah.... pancakes? You're all welcome to come."

"Dad, we...we can't just give up.....?" Charlie called out as he turned to make a portal.

"Maybe, maybe not. But I honestly can't do anything right now, ChaChar," Lucifer said, giving her an empty smile of pain. "It hurts so much I can barely stand right now, so please give Daddy a day or so before he can think."

Charlie stared for a moment before nodding slowly as she rose, looking to the others, who started to follow her.

Days later

Word of the End had quickly spread across Hell. Incidentally, every ring of Hell now looked like Pride in some ways. With the news of doom in the air, the denizens of Hell had turned willed and rabid. Some just wanted to strike out for themselves, others merely no longer willing to tolerate the status quo with the end of Hell looming over their minds.

If anything, Pride Ring had calmed down in comparison. Namely, because death was permanent without angelic steel. Kind of. Sometimes it stuck, sometimes it didn't. But any death could be their last. That made most souls more cautious. Even Overlords were less prone to kill those bound to them, knowing they might lose the power of that soul forever instead of responding after using a temporary death as a punishment.

And that was how Charlie came to be sitting outside the Heavenly Embassy, knees to her chest.

She had no idea what to do anymore. Was this...her fault? She had been pushing to stop the Exterminations, to save the souls of sinners, but in the end, she inadvertently caused the end of everything. There would be no Heaven or Hell, or even Earth. Everyone would just cease to be.

"Why Adam?" she couldn't help asking herself.

"Is that what you really want to know?"

Charlie looked up to see a woman leaning against the gates to the embassy, arms crossed over her checkered tube top, her wide brim hate over her black hair with a hint of red within it.

"Or do you want to know how to fix this?" she asked coyly.

Charlie blinked. "Who are you?"

"Just someone uninterested in seeing things end," she remarked. "You can call me Roo though."

"And you...know how to fix this? My father doesn't. He says even the Angels don't," Charlie remarked doubtfully. "How would you....?"

"The Empyrean leaving Creation is what caused this," Roo reminded meaningfully. "The only way to abort this premature ending is for it to return to Creation."

Charlie furrowed her brow. "I mean yeah, maybe, but no one knows where it went or how to find it."

Roo's smile grew an inch. "Do you think the Empyrean would care so much for Adam and allow him to end?"

Charlie remained silent.

"Adam's soul still exists, beyond the bounds of Creation. Because the Empyrean followed him when he left," Roo explained wryly. "You find Adam, you find the Empyrean. You find Empyrean, you can save Creation."

Charlie inhaled. "How would you know that for sure? Who are you?"

Roo chuckled. "Tell Lucifer that Roo says "Hello,"" she answered before vanishing into darkness.

Charlie leaped to her feet to stop her but paused when she vanished.

A dull ember of hope came into her heart. If this woman was telling the truth if they could find the Empyrean, maybe they could stop this from happening, this Crumbling of Creation.

Notes:

Well, there it is. Adam dies, and everything ends. His creation marked the beginning of Creation, his end is the beginning of The End. This is basically the End of the World, but worse. End of the World, there's possibly the afterlife. Here, everything just...ceases, ends. Everything that "is" will eventually become "is not."

Why, few could safely guess. But there is a glimmer of hope, from Roo of all people. The mission, to find the Empyrean and bring it back to Creation. And where they find the Empyrean, they will find Adam.

I do honestly plan on making a fic out of this one day. It'll be a "Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End" type adventure. Complete with Adam wondering "Did no one come because they missed me?"

But yeah, I left a lot of this up in the air about why this happened, how it really gets fixed, and even who would be along for the ride. But until then, I hope you enjoy this sneak peak.

Chapter 39: Nameless

Nameless AKA Carmilla faces the Wrath of Adam.

Carmilla Carmine barely had time to process it.

She had killed an exorcist.

Angelic Steel could kill Angels.

That had....many, many terrible implications.

But first and foremost, she had to get her daughters to safety. 

They ran, they ran, and they kept running until they were back to Carmilla's base of operations.

"Mother?! What just....did you....?!" Clara asked in shock.

"Shush. The walls have ears, and the day is not over," Carmilla said sternly.

"None of them spotted us. We should be in the clear," Odette tried to assure.

"For now, perhaps," Carmilla said with a frown as they entered her office. "Both of you stay with me for now. We may have been pursued."

"Aren't you a smart one?"

The chair at her desk turned to show an angel.

The Head Exorcist.

The trio of sinners stiffened. The daughters looked to their mother, wondering if they should run or fight.

Carmilla wasn't sure which was more foolish.

Adam ignored their terror, fiddling with a piece of Angelic Steel in his fingers.

"You know, when I heard about some Overbitch taking out steel, turning into guns and shit? I thought that was hot as shit. I always wanted to upgrade a bit, but my boss is a bit set in her ways and doesn't see the point," Adam mused with a grin.

It was a hollow, vicious grin.

"I doubt you're here for a business arrangement," Carmilla said with narrowed eyes.

Adam hummed as he rubbed his thumb over the Angelic Steel. "Nah," he said, tossing the Steel onto the table carefully. "You're the first to kill an angel since the last war with Hell. That's a problem."

"I was protecting my daughters," Carmilla said sternly.

"Why were they outside?" Adam retorted coldly. "Why did you drag them out on E-Day? Don't answer, I know. To get first dibs on our weapons."

Clara carefully slid a tiny gun from up her wrist, one armed with Steel bullets, and Odette prepared to go for daggers of the same kind.

"I don't suppose there is anything I can do to persuade you to spare us?" Carmilla asked.

"Nope," Adam answered honestly.

With that answer, all three Carmines sprung into action. Clara pulled her weapon and started to fire as Carmilla leaped across the room and Odette charged low while tossing blades at the First Man.

Adam sat there calmly, using his wings to deflect bullets from one side and knives from the other. He did nothing to defend himself as Carmilla brought her steep-tipped toe down to slay him, aiming for the space between the shoulder and neck.

The kick struck true and caused several cracks in the windows behind them.

Carmilla's eyes widened as Adam reached up to grab her ankle, casually tossing her back.

He was unharmed, unbothered, rolling his shoulder. "You know, I don't like being stepped on in a kinky way, but a good massage with feet does get the joints popping," he mused absently.

"How.....I killed the other angel with one hit?" Carmilla asked in confusion.

"Yes, with those shoes made of ███████ Steel?" Adam asked toyingly.

███████ Steel? Carmilla furrowed her brow. That wasn't right, they were....Steel?

She looked down and numbled realizing that the holy shine of her footwear had dulled.

As had all the other ███████ Steel in the room.

"What....what did you do....? "Clara asked in dreadful awe. "Do you have a way to nullify them in the room...?"

"Not just its room, little sinner. Everywhere," Adam said as he stood up. "The metal bearing the words Angelic and Steel no longer exists."

"What? What does that.....?" Odette asked with incomprehension.

Adam chuckled. It was hollow. "I erased the name of this metal, leaving it just as Steel."

"You...erased the name....?" Carmilla asked in terror. "That is....how can anyone have that kind of power?"

"I am Adam," he reminded sternly. "God didn't just make me the Farther of Humanity. He may have given everything true meaning, but he made me the Lord of All Names. I give things names, contexts, definitions. And I can take them away too."

Carmilla swallowed. "Run!" she ordered as she and her daughters fled to the door.

They opened it and found themselves faced with the Exorcists.

All of them.

Each gave them a dead stare of contempt and judgment.

"I'm actually kind of sorry for you, "Adam said from behind them. "You just happened to be the unlucky bitch that found out this can happen. It could have been literally any shithead with one of your toys. But I'm glad. Shit could have been a lot worse if we found this out later."

His voice was almost genuinely apologetic now, causing Carmilla to glance back at him. "My daughters. Spare them."

"I plan to," Adam said simply.

It wasn't a mercy, Carmilla already knew.

"Odetta, Clara, step away. Don't interfere," Carmilla instructed.

'Mother- hey!" Odette yelled before two exorcists grabbed her and Clara, keeping them immobile and in place.

"I'll spare them, but they are going to watch this shit," Adam said firmly as he slowly spread his wings, their glow intensifying.

Carmilla knew this was her end, but she had no intent of going out quietly. She prepared to fight until the last breath.

Or, she did, until Adam disappeared.

In his place was a light too bright to see through.

Only his wings were truly visible, extending beyond the breath of the light.

But she could see.... something in the golden light.

Something she....could not name.

"What are you....?" she asked in terror, falling to her knees.

Adam spoke with his voice, but a thousand more as he crept closer to her.

"I am the Divine Instrument who was given the Dominion of Authority by God," he answered ominously. "I reject the Serpent and brood over the Earth. I have become the Primordial Man, and I will leave you in a Nameless Abyss!"

From all over Hell, just as E-Day ended, all could see the explosion of holy light from Carmine Industries.

Clara sat in the rubble, gasping for breath as she looked up and saw through the smoke that the angels were leaving. "They...spared us?"

"Clara, you alive!?" Odette called out as she made her way through the smoke.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm not sure why though," Clara answered with a frown.

"Ughh....."

They came over and found a woman on the ground. A bit scorched, but still alive. "Clara, who is this? Does she work for us?" Odette asked in confusion.

"I don't know," Clara answered as she knelt down. "Can you hear me?"

"Clara...Odette.....," the soul said weakly.

"Hmm? Do we know you?" Odette asked curiously.

The figure stiffened. "It's me. ████████. Your mother!"

The two stared back at her without recognition.

"Ma'am, I think you have us confused for someone else," Clara said with a frown. "Come on, you survived E-Day. We'll at least patch you up."

The nameless woman could only look on in horror.

The woman with the names "Carmilla" and "Carmine" was no more.

She was now Nameless.

She placed a hand over her mouth as she struggled not to vomit.

She could feel it.

Her contracts, gone.

Her powers, annihilated.

Even her memories felt greyed and fading.

Such a cruel fate the angels had given her.

So terrible was the wrath of the Lord of All Names.

Notes:

Right, so, this is basically me playing around with the more OP take on Adam having power over names. Think Ichibei from Bleach. He can give, take, and change names. This gives him some bullshit-level power over anything and everything. Such as erasing the very idea of "Carmilla Carmine" existing, leaving only a husk of her former self to remember what has been taken from her. This is pretty much a fate worse than being exterminated. Also, yeah, Adam removed "Angelic Steel" from the dictionary of creation. It's just normal steel unless he gives it all a new name.

Also, yes, that last bit from Adam is based on the "Juggernaut Drive" from DxD

Chapter 40: To Serve in Heaven(NSFW)

Notes:

WARNING: This whole thing gets NSFW very fast.

To Serve In Heaven AKA Adam has an...interesting relationship in Heaven.

Sera loved Adam dearly. She always had.

She supposed it was only natural. She had cared deeply for the three humans of Eden. Even Lilith. But of them, only Adam had made it to Heaven, only he proved humanity still had a right to enter Heaven after the Fall.

She loved Adam, truly, and she would silence anyone who claimed she didn't.

However, not all relationships were simple and straightforward. She wasn't sure if that was a fact of reality or another problem caused by the loss of Eden.

She looked up from her work as someone entered the room.

Lute.

"Here is the monthly paperwork for the Exorcists, Your Grace," Lute informed dutifully. 

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Sera acknowledged graciously. Her smile hitched a bit. "What is Adam up to right now, if you might know?"

Of course she knew. It was her job to know. But Lute still answered with a small smile. "Sir is currently at a party with the rest of the Exorcists."

"I hope he isn't causing too much trouble," Sera said with a chuckle. "Lute? Tell him I'd like to see him. Soon."

Lute's smile fell into something more serious and stern, bowing to the Head Seraphim. "As you will, Your Grace."

"Thank you, Lute," Sera said with a smile.

Lute left the office and deliberately chose to walk to the party. It was a loud and chaotic event. Drinks being chugged, music blasted, and games played.

It wasn't long until she found Adam, coming off the stage after a guitar performance. "Lute, there's my danger-tits! What took you so long, you missed the chance to be on stage with me," he said with a grin, putting one arm around her.

Lute almost smiled. Almost. "The Head Seraphim summoned you."

Adam paused before responding. "When?"

"Soon," Lute answered simply.

"Right, let me just take care of the crowd," Adam said simply before grinning. "Ladies! I gotta go, shit called! But have a sweet time!" he called out, tossing his guitar out for someone to catch. Several leaped for it. Thankfully, it wasn't a combat guitar, so it was just a bit heavy.

The exorcists waved and called their farewells as Adam left with Lute. His grin never left as they walked away...

Later

...And he was still grinning as his long, golden tongue licked at Lute's boots, crawling on all fours like a holy beast instead of the First Man.

Lute stared down sternly at Adam, a holy crop in one hand and the other pulling at the leash to the thick sky-blue dog collar around Adam's neck. She held it just high enough to make him pull it against his throat to continue his service to her footwear.

They were in the First Man's bedroom, and neither said a word to one another. Adam nuzzled her leg, but Lute remained stern and impassive to his act of affection while holding his leash taut.

"I hear someone has been good."

Adam's grin turned into a face-wide smile as he looked up at the gentle voice. He all but sprung to the owner, stopped only by Lute's firm grip on his leash as she brought him to heel.

Lute's expression did not change as she looked to see Sera arriving. The High Seraphim looked the same as she always did, but there was a teasing quality to her smile.

Adam breathed hard, practically panting like a dog, but Sera only paid him the slightest attention as she used her creation magic to conjure up a chair for her to sit on.

"I see you've gotten him ready, Lute," Sera said with approval as she sat down. "I trust he wasn't any trouble."

"No, Ma'am. The Man heeded your call without issue, as expected of him," Lute answered neutrally, tugging at the leash. "And he is eager."

"Very good indeed," Sera said with a chuckle as she held up her hands and conjured up another item.

A single rib, thick with delicious meat, floating in her hand.

Adam pulled a bit harder on his leash now, his mouth drooling a bit.

"Here you are. Enjoy your reward," Sera said playfully, floating the food over to Adam.

He took it gladly, quick to take a bite yet slow to chew so that he might savor it. One rib from Sera was worth all ten of any other. They always tasted better from her.

Sera watched him feast with an amused and fond smile. Resting her cheek against one hand, she used the other to send a wave of magic to Adam.

Two things happened at once. The first was that Adam's great golden wings suddenly shrunk away and disappeared. The second was that his large robe vanished to leave him only in the pitch-black bodysuit and mask, along with the collar.

If Adam noticed the changes, he didn't react to them at all. He merely finished the rib in silence, his meal ending with a lick of his tongue across his lips as he looked at Sera with happiness, longing, and devotion.

Sera smiled. "Speak, Adam."

And only with her permission, he did do so. "Thank you for being here, Lady Seraphim."

If not for the mask, no one might even recognize the First Man. His voice calmed and reverent as he bowed his head deep to Sera.

Sera smiled tenderly. "It has been some time since we were last like this, Adam," she mused. With a subtle motion of her fingers, she waved to Lute to approach.

The Exorcist obeyed, stepping forward slowly, allowing Adma to crawl until he was on all fours at Sera's feet. He leaned forward more, but Lute pulled him back firmly. Even so, he kept pulling.

"My, over-eager as normal," Sera said in amusement, glancing to Lute.

Without a word, Lute placed one heel on the ass of the First Man and then brought the crop down on the other cheek with a resounding smack.

Adam inhaled sharply at the pain before stilling himself. "I'm sorry, Lady Seraphim. Thank you, for taking time out of your day for me."

"Yes, I have been rather busy," Sera said with some aloofness. "Between governing Heaven and mentoring Emily, there is so much to do sometimes."

"I understand. I'm happy you would waste any of your time on me," Adam said, bowing his head deeper.

"oh, Adam,"" Sera cooed, leaning down to touch the side of his mask, playfully rubbing it. "Out time together is never a waste."

He looked up with a grateful and endeared smile at her word, even as he whined longingly when his hand retracted.

"But I relieved that I feel comfortable to leave you in the firm hands of Lute and your other handlers among the Exorcists," Sera said with amusement.

Adam looked back and sent a smile at Lute.

She did not return it, her face impassive and stern.

Just like she always was, when things were like this.

"Lute's reports show that, despite how you act in public, you are very diligent with all the duties and tasks I have assigned to you," Sera praised, looking to the exorcist. "Isn't that right, Lute?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Lute answered dutifully. "Even during this reward phase, The Man has not slouched in his responsibilities. Even if he gives that impression."

Adam looked back up at Sera with a look of concern. "Have I displeased you, Lady Seraphim?"

"No, you are free to continue your public acts as you wish," Sera assured before frowning. "Mostly."

He lowered himself under her displeasure.

"I would appreciate a small...correction," she said carefully. "Treat Emily with a bit more...care than you do. I am not going to punish you this time, but you did make her very upset the last time you spoke to her."

"As you desire, Lady Seraphim, I will try my best," Adam promised.

Sera smiled in approval. Adam's antics were his own choice by and large, but she did need to curb them at times.

"Now, that said, your current reward has come to an end, Adam," Sera informed, giving him a meaningful look.

Adam nodded rapidly as he got back onto his knees and spread his legs to expose himself.

Only his cock and balls were uncovered by the bodysuit. The most original and rather impressive human phallus, hard and twitching.

"I heard you were at a party," Sera said with a knowing smile. "Were you hoping to get one more night of release with one of the exorcists? Maybe, perhaps even Lute herself?"

"Yes, Lady Seraphim," Adam answered honestly. "I thought my time wouldn't be up until tomorrow."

It wasn't a whine or complaint, just a simple admittance of his intent. He had been given free rein to indulge and enjoy himself, until the sixth day. He thought he had a bit more time, enough to pound one more woman into a mattress.

"Sorry to disappoint, but your reward ends now," Sera said softly as more magic conjured in her hand.

"I understand, Lady Seraphim. I can wait until I earn another," Adam said humbly, patiently.

"Good boy," Sera praised. "Perhaps I should let you have one more climax after all."

Adam perked up excitedly at that.

"What do you think, Lute? Has Adam earned so spoiling?" Sera asked coyly.

Adam looked back at his handler excitedly.

"No, Ma'am," Ljute answered without instantly. "The Man has been good, not exceptional. He has thoroughly enjoyed his reward as it is."

Adam sagged in disappointment.

"So be it," Sera said in agreement.

Adam swallowed. "Lady Seraphim, please, may I-?"

"Shush," Sera said slowly, glancing at Lute.

The Exorcist wordlessly struck the cross along Adam's back, seven times. He winced and whimpered but didn't squirm or resist the punishment.

"My decision is final and not for you to appeal, Adam," Sera said sternly.

He nodded in understanding and acceptance.

With a flick of her wrist, Sera sent the holy magic at his crotch, a brief light flashing.

Adam groaned and whimpered as his hard cock and heavy balls were surrounded in the heavenly light, which shrunk down, squeezing his balls tenderly and forcing the cock down into an angle. His manhood was bowed, humbled by the seraphim's power. The magic solidified into a cock cage, the chastity device made of celestial blue metal. It covered the enter phallus as a tube and ensnared the balls in a tight grasp to keep it in place. There was no keyhole, for there was no key. It could only be removed, unmade by Sera herself.

"There you are, humbled again until your next reward," Sera said coyly.

"Thank you again for gracing me with a reward, Lady Seraphim," Adam said, breathing deep as his cock grew accustomed to the familiar cage.

"You earned it, Adam," Sera assured. She hummed and glanced up. "I'm afraid I can't give you but so much more of my time."

"I understand, Lady Seraphim," Adam said, looking down, prostrating himself on the floor. "I'm grateful for even a moment of your precious time."

"I know you are," Sera said in amusement.

Adam heard a ruffling, looking up to see Sera had crossed her legs beneath her dress, one held out to show a single barefoot. It was clean, smooth, and flawless.

"Would you like to ask me something?" Sera prompted encouragingly. "I do have a little more time before I must go."

Adam hesitated. "I would love to worship your foot, Lady Seraphim."

Sera chuckled. "That's not a question, is it?"

Adam swallowed. "May....I know I had a reward. But may I have the helmet removed, Lady Seraphim?"

Sera hummed, stretching it out for a long moment as Adam squirmed hopefully. Then she smiled gladly. "Of course. Lute?"

Lute nodded, stepping forward again, but Adam did not move. Lute leaned down to grasp the mask and gently removed it, exposing the true face of Adam with his brown hair and golden eyes.

He leaned forward.

"Wait."

He stopped. Lute didn't even need to do anything this time.

"Repeat your vow," Sera repeated softly.

Adam's eyes softened and the ghost of a kind smile appeared on his face. "I entrust my everything to you, Sera. I give you my free will."

Sera nodded gratefully. "You may begin."

And Adam did, pepping the large toes with kisses before bringing his human tongue onto the arch of the foot and continuing his service. He relished the taste and feel of her on his tongue and skin.

Lute stood nearby, the leash now loose from her proximity as she used the crop to rub his back in a soothing yet stern manner.

Sera looked on fondly as her eyes looked him over. No one these days questioned Adam's unique choice of clothes.

In the past, the bodysuit, the robe, and the helmet had been a way of helping him cope with the shame of the apple, a trauma that took years for it to fade from his mind. By the time it did, he had just embraced it as his "look" as he would say.

But it served another purpose now. The skintight bodysuit allowed Sera to control how much he could feel in terms of pain and pleasure, or even turn his sense of touch off altogether. The helmet was similar, filtering his senses. He still saw, tasted, and heard. But having the helmet off now heightened his senses, making everything feel more real.

Not for the first time, she pondered what others would think of this, looking in without the context. They might think she had turned Adam into a slave, a broken attack dog for Heaven. That the Exorciststs were nothing more than tools for her to further her control over Adam when not purging sinners in Hell. That his outward personality was something she had instructed him to take on to hide this side of himself.

The truth was something else entirely.

How he acted in public was entirely his own choice. But it was who he thought he needed to be. to prove to everyone that he had not been broken, that he made it through everything he endured in life. Especially Lilith. Sera was sure the Would-Be First Woman would relish in the sight of Adam acting like this, acting like the pet to the angels, just like Lilith always claimed he was. And Sera would never allow anyone, especially Lilith, to harm Adam in such a way. For even in the Garden, Adam had never truly trusted Lilith. Not like he did Sera.

Adam's "Handlers" were the select few among the exorcists who knew of the relationship between Adam and the High Seraphim. Ones that Adam and Sera both trusted not only to act as extensions of Sera's power over Adam but to not try and abuse it for themselves.

Mankind was always meant to leave the Garden, to have free will. But it was meant to be their own independent choice. The Fall had happened because that choice had been tained by Lucifer and Lilith's machinations. The choice had been swindled onto Eve and forced onto Adam. And Adam had been the only original human to make it to Heaven.

At first, all had been well. But a few millennia in, Adam began to strain under everything. For he had not rested, truly, upon reaching HEaven. He helped, and they foolishly allowed him to help. Not realizing that Adam still felt like that Fallen Man, who needed to prove himself to the angels to be worthy of staying in Heaven, who wondered how much of Creation's suffering was caused by his own faults and shortcomings.

Especially the one he trusted most.

Her.

"That's enough for now," Sera said with gentle finality. Adam allowed himself to be pulled back by Lute, bowing his head again. "It may be some time before I summon you again, Adam."

"I understand, Lady Seraphim," Adam said in resignation, waiting for the helmet to be placed back on.

Sera smiled, holding out her hand to Adam's handler.

Lute smiled at last and handed the leash to Sera.

Sera uncrossed her legs and gently pulled the leash up to her. Adam looked up in surprise as Sera leaned down with a loving smile.

Adam inhaled as Sera kissed him on the forehead, running her hands through his hair.

"I love you, Adam," she said as she held him close.

Adam shuddered and leaned into the touch, and he could feel Sera's very soul.

He could sense his free will, in her grasp. Just like the Tree in Eden, it was right there for the taking.

Whenever he wanted, this would end. If he was ready, and decided he didn't need to stay in this makeshift "Eden" formed from his and Sera's relationship.

There was no judgment. Only encouragement, if he wanted to take it. Only understanding, if he didn't.

Sera nodded when she sensed Adam decline taking his free will back. That was fine. Another year, decade, century, millennia, ten millennia? She'd wait and hold it safe for him.

She wondered what things would be like between them, if and when he did.

But until then...

Sera stood up and smiled playfully at Lute. "I hope you and the other handlers enjoy his monthly "maintenance" session," Sera said with a giggle.

Adam shivered slightly at the reminder, while Lute smirked. "We will, Ma'am."

Sera nodded and waved her hand. The chair and collar vanished into stardust while Adam's robe rematerialized and his wings unfurled softly.

And just before Lute put the mask back on, the First Man smiled at Sera, like he used to smile at her in the Garden.

With that, she left.....

"Danger-Tits, did you sharpen your heels or something?"

And hearing that, she giggled as she vanished to return to her work.

Notes:

....Yeah, alright, not only did a SeraAdam one-shot, I made it a very kinky femdom. Look, 19/20 times I'll write him on top, but I don't mind a femdom angle too. Though, this is less "Adam is a Sub" and more "Adam became a Switch to Cope but he only trusts Sera to be his Dom" than anything else. Still, hope you all enjoyed that. Not everyone's cup of tea.

I was amused to realize how semi-ominous I probably made some of this appear like Sera had broken Adam in and made him into this. Especially with the added aspects of his suit. The big reveal is that, no, this is Adam's choice. And he can end it, but only if he REALLY wants to. For right now, he doesn't. One day, maybe.

Also, this was inspired by artwork made by one "rxnedcs6nctyx", but probably less dark than their pic implies.
Link:
https://x.com/Armadildo6699/status/1833898164623163834

Chapter 41: Unfallen Devil's Songbird

Unfallen Devil's Songbird AKA When Hell rose against Heaven, Adam was given the kingdom he was dew.

 

Emily trembled in her bonds. As an angel in Heaven, a Seraphim no less, she had never known the feeling of being restrained, of being helpless with her powers hampered.

 

Black shackles and chains bound her, and the unholy power within them suppressed her own, cutting off her connection to Heaven.

 

She was led on a chain leash between two columns of demons. Sinners and Hellborns alike sneered and leered at her, some reaching out with the desire to touch her.

 

But the same bonds that entrapped her refused to let them, crimson magic zapping like lightning to deter any that got too close.

 

The great throne room was made of red stone, and felt like it had been here since the creation of Hell. Perhaps it had.

 

The room was not lit by fire or magic, but magma glowing and coursing through the walls like blood within veins.

 

Finally, she was brought to a halt, causing her to look up at her captors. A pair of mighty demons, both of them crocodiles. One pale as bones and dressed in noble robes, the other a soldier in armor bearing powerful sigils.

 

Mighty Lords of Hell, whose power was still dwarfed by the infernal throne.

 

Speaking of which.

 

The Ars Goetians knelt, and Emily felt her bonds pull her down to her knees too.

 

"Oh Great Infernal Archon, we bring an intruder in your realm, far from her holy home," The pale one called out.

 

The halls grew silent and Emily dared to raise her head and beheld the Throne of Hell.

 

The dais rose high in the air, was made of hardened molten rock, framed by two falls of lava that poured at either side of the throne. They pooled  at the back of the room, and Emily was sure that there lived things beneath those seering, bubbling surfaces.

 

A fine staircase had been carved, leading up to the throne itself. All along the path up to it were The Executioners.

 

Angels. fallen and exiled, clad in dark armor upon their feminine forms. Their wings had long since shed the holy feathers for silver scales, and their faces hidden by masks. Each resembled a dragon's skull, or possibly were in fact dragon's skulls. The Executioners, the Fallen Legion beholden to the Throne of Hell, Loyal to the Doven King.

 

They stood ready to deal with any foe beneath their lord's attention. The dais was decorated with the bones, armor, and weapons of all who had attempted to usurp the Throne of Hell for themselves and failed to slay the Great Archon.

 

The very top was clouded by a mass black smoke. But Emily could hear something shifting as the darkness churned until....

 

She inhaled as she saw two eyes leer out with unholy gold.

 

With a single motion, the cloud was dispersed by the unfurling of two enormous bronze wings. They were both scaled, and feathered, before they furled down to their owner again.

 

The hall went into a breath thrall of cheers and roars, but they were practically silent to Emily as she stared up at the ruler of these dark lands.

 

The throne was nothing special, simply a large seat carved into the stone. Before it appeared to be some upturned stone used as a footstool, one royal foot perched upon it. All around the throne were demonic women, just shy of nakedness in their shreds of cloth. Black collars were upon their necks, with leashes binding them to the carven throne. Some were fawning over the ruler of Hell, others knelt on the dais while eyeing Emily down below with curious, devious eyes.

 

Only one Executioner stood just behind the throne. One with a blade on each hip, unwashed blood staining her armor, and her entire posture screamed of something dangerous even with the mask hiding her face.

 

And seated upon the Throne of Hell itself......was Him.

 

He wore an open red robe, showing off his torso, shredded with muscle, and covered with scales and glowing "cracks" that looked eerily similar to the walls. Just like the Executioners, his head bore a mask. But his grander and crowned with seven horns, the sockets glowing with the golden light that was almost holy, yet clearly not. 

 

Emily knew exactly who this was.

 

The Father of Humanity, the Sire of Demons.

 

The Lord of Eden, the Tamer of Gehenna.

 

The First Ascended, The Sole Doven.

 

The Master of Sin.

 

The Holy Devil.

 

"Adam," Emily whispered, her soft whisper echoing across the hall, all falling silent at the brazen use of his name.

 

The two royals looked back to her with warry glares, but said nothing and made no attempt to rise..

 

"Agares, Saleos."

 

The voice of First Man reached the entire hall without effort, the very air carrying his words and the halls echoing them.

 

"What an interesting prize you bring before my throne, Dukes of the Ars Goetia," Adam said, his face resting against one hand, elbow propped upon the throne. "The Youngest and Purest of the Seraphims. Emily the Joybringer,"

 

Emily could feel the stares on her back growing, as the sounds of interest and devious glee grew behind her.

 

"That she is, My Liege," The Knightly Soleas answered as he glanced up. By some unknown sign, he found permission to rise with his comrade. "We found her east of Kur."

 

"She was easy to trick into chains," The lordly Agares added in with a wave of his clawed hands. "She is untouched, of course."

 

That was added in almost fearfully, lest the King of Hell think otherwise. 

 

But Adam was barely looking at them, eyes on Emily keenly. But finally, he spoke. "I know well what you both desire. You'll have your rewards," he declared with a grunt. "Agares shall join the rank of the Kings of the Ars Goetians, and you, Soeas, will have the realms of Tartarus to rule over."

 

"Our deepest Gratitude, Master of Sin," Soleas answered, bowing with a salute as Agreas lowered his pale head in gratitude.

 

"You are dismissed. All of you, give us the room," Adam declared with authority.

 

While disappointment was clear in the air, none dared to question his command. The court of demons filled away, departing by foot or wings if they did not simply leave via one magic portal or another. 

 

After a few minutes, the room was quiet.

 

The Executioners were as silent and unmoving as statues.

 

The pets and slaves of the king were obediently silent as they studied the Seraphim below.

 

And the King just sat in consideration.

 

"A Seraphim sets foot in my realm. Does she know that even the mightiest angel cannot return to Heaven without my permission?" Adam called out in mockery.

 

"I do," Emily answered, trying to keep herself from shaking.

 

He held up his open hand and curled in two digits.

 

Emily gasped as she found herself brought up into the air. She wasn't choked or strained by the chains, even as the magic brought her up to the top of the dais, and sat her right before the Infernal Monarch.

 

He took his foot off the stool and....it moaned? Emily looked in surprise, realizing that the "footstool" was actually....an ass. The shapely rear of a woman, sticking out of the stonework. Was that....a person? If so, everything above the abdomen and below the thighs was submerged and hidden in the dais.

 

Emily had no time to think further on that, as the King of Hell leaned down to stare into her eyes.

 

"Then what a foolish angel you are," he said, reaching out to cup her chin with his hands. They were much like she imagined a dragon would have. He firmly but gently turned her face back and forth as he examined her, and Emily found his hold was warm but not scorching.

 

"You remind me of Serathiel," he said absently as he released her and sat back in his throne.

 

All at once, the demonic women closest to her began to crowd around her with devious smiles, admiring her beauty and her wings. The magical binds on Emily didn't stop them when their fingers grazed her wings or when they moved close enough to smell her. But they also didn't do more than that.

 

Not without permission. It was more an impression than a guess on Emily's part.

 

At last, Adam felt she had stewed enough. "Shall we stop fucking around the bush?"

 

Emily almost squealed in surprise as Adam's tail made itself known. It was not a dragon's tail, however, but more akin to that of an earwig, except with three-bladed pincers. The grasping tail-end zoomed to her at starling speed.

 

Emily's eyes went wide as her bindings were ripped off her harmlessly, the enchanted metal little more than paper, even as it peeled the collar off her neck

 

"I....Great Adam?" Emily asked in alarm and incomprehension, already feeling her powers returning.

 

"You are neither fallen nor exiled. You came to Hell of your own accord. You are exactly where you want to be," Adam said knowingly.

 

Emily sat there, stunned but unable to deny the accusation as she reached up to rub her neck while glancing at his tail again.

 

"Hmmm, wait until you see what else that tail can do," one of the collared women whispered huskily into Emily's ear, making her swallow.

 

Another giggled from the other side of the Seraphim. "Don't worry, you'll get your own collar soon enough," she said with certainty and relish. "What a pretty neck it is too~"

 

Emily shuddered and tried not to look at either of them, any of them, focusing on Adam.

 

Adam did the same, keeping his attention on her. "Speak your business here, Emily Joybringer."

 

It was not a request, it was an order to be obeyed.

 

She took a  breath to steady herself as she obeyed. "I admit. I came here of my own free will."

 

That got some reaction from Adam's harem of demonesses. 

 

"Hmm, as in, voluntarily?"

 

"One might call that consent!"

 

"Master, may we play with her?"

 

"Please~"

 

"Or do you want to make us watch?"

 

One with pink skin and white hair brought her face very close to Emily, the demon licking her lip in a hungry fashion.

 

Then, all of a sudden, the demoness jolted and yelped in pain, entire body wracking with crimson lightning.

 

Emily gasped. "Wait! Great Adam, please don't hurt her!"

 

"Reconsider that plea in a moment," Adam advised wryly, nodding to the one he had "punished."

 

Emily stared owlishly as the demoness picked herself up with an erotic moan and a pleased grin. "Thank  you for the treat, Master," she said, sultry yet honest as she bowed low while shaking her rear a bit.

 

The rather sheltered Seraphim could only blush gold at the display of utter masochism.

 

She glanced up and found Adam staring at her, still expecting an answer, an explanation.

 

"...I came to give myself to you, Adam."

 

The King jerked in surprise at that, while the demonesses grew excited. A new member, and a seraphim at that. But Adam quickly recovered with interest. "Is that so? You might be the first Seraphim to do that, but you're hardly the first Angel," he mused.

 

Emily was acutely aware of how the Executioners all stood a bit straighter at that.

 

She looked back to the king, watching in silent fascination as Adam removed his helmet and revealed his face. The demonesses all hummed in excitement. He looked almost entirely human, but with scales about the sides and his glowing gold eyes. And teeth that were just a bit too sharp in places.

 

And when their eyes met, she smiled.

 

For a moment, they weren't in Hell.

 

They were back in Heaven, two angels.

 

The First Man and the Youngest Seraphim.

 

Back before the War, before Adam became the King of Hell.

 

Emily had come into existence only a few hundred years before that. Fully formed and matured as most Heavenborn did. She had always been a kind soul, even when his moods grew bitter with the state of Creation.

 

She smiled like that, the same way when they first met, as if she thought he was the most interesting thing in all of Heaven, in all of Creation.

 

The King of Hell smiled for an instant, before it gained a playful edge. "I guess the throne room could use a songbird."

 

Adam snapped his fingers, and Emily looked over to the right. To Adam's left of the throne, there was now a large cage, not unlike a bird cage.

 

"Someone's getting special treatment," the pink demoness said with a bit of a pout. "Can she even sing, Master?"

 

Emily opened her mouth and gave a wordless song, a vocalization of soothing calm and joy.

 

Adam's eyes softened at the harmonic sound. "Yes, she can," he said with a chuckle as Emily closed her mouth with a smile

 

From then on, the Court of Hell had a new addition. The Holy Songbird, the Devil's Songbird they called her. A beautiful angel singing in her cage for the King and his subjects between matters. None could touch her without the King of Hell's permission, and it was said that he reserved that only for himself. That his Seraphim sung a different song in the King's bedchambers.

Notes:

Rewrote this a few times. Really wanted to end with that imagery of Emily being a songbird in a cage for Devil-Adam, as that was the mental image that started this idea.It’s not obvious, the cage ironically isn’t to keep her in. It’s to keep everyone else away from her.

But Yeah. This idea is that after Lucifer and Lilith tried to have an uprising against Heaven, they got replaced by someone that A. Isn't going to do that and B. Might make something decent out of Hell.

In summary, Emily is in love with Adam in this idea, he’s the “Unfallen Devil”  and she becomes a new jewel in his harem of beauties, definitely his most unique one.

PS Yeah, there are at least two dukes in the Ars Goetia decrepit as riding crocodiles, so they decide to make them both crocodiles.

Chapter 42: Dream of Genie Dolls(slightly NSFW)

Notes:

AN Kind of a sequel to Holy Puppet Strings

Dream of Genie Dolls AKA Velvette has a very unique fate in Heaven.

 

Shit could go down the drain no matter who was in your corner.

 

That was what Velvette thought as she lay dying on the ground. She had killed the pricks who tried to do her in, but she wouldn't be lasting too much longer.

 

The Angelic Steel made sure of that, her blood spilling out.

 

Who did it, she wondered? Had Vox and Val cut her loose? Had that carmine bitch decided to do something, finally? Or maybe it was just some scrub and Velvette had gotten sloppy and unlucky?

 

She didn't know, she didn't care. If she was going to die , it wasn't going to be thinking about shit she couldn't do anything about.

 

She'd rather think about the only good thing in her afterlife.

 

".....Adam," she whispered as she weakly grabbed her own throat. "I know you're there. I'm sorry I fucked up like this. Could....could you stay with me? Daddy?"

 

The place was cold and silent for a moment before the holy collar appeared on her throat. Its weight and glow were a comfort.

 

"Thank you, Daddy," Velvette whispered, shuddering. "I know....I was just a sinful little fuck doll, but......thank you, for everything. I'm sorry I.....I can't do anything more. Kind of bleeding out like a loser and all, eh?"

 

She felt his connection, his power spreading over all of her. But he wasn't trying to puppet her.

 

He was holding her.

 

Velvette let out a shuddering breath as she started to cry. "No look what you got me doing, you old o-oath. Balling like a little bitch. Can't let me have a little dignity?" she asked with mock anger, trying not to dissolve into so.

 

Her arms wrapped around herself. She imagined he was there, holding her.

 

She did fucked up stuff in life. People died or hurt themselves because of her. She deserved to be in Hell. And she had never cared about Heaven.

 

Until Him.

 

Her master, her daddy, her own, her everything. The only fuck who she felt she could rely on. That even if she fucked up, it didn't mean he'd toss her aside. He was the only person she....wanted to be useful to, instead of feeling like she had to be.

 

"Daddy....Adam....Thank you," Velvette whispered as her eyes dulled.

 

The body of Velvette would be found later by agents of Voxtech, after it had been.....excessively desecrated by other sinners.

 

But that was not the end for Velvette.

 

Where am I?

 

She wanted to ask this, but she had no mouth.

 

Or eyes.

 

Or Ears.

 

Or even a body.

 

She just....was.

 

And as terrifying as that should be.....she felt strangely relaxed.

 

Was this Double-Death? If so, it was more pleasant than she expected. Peaceful, almost. She didn't feel...unnerved or maddened by her disembodied state.

 

Why was that?

 

She felt something pulse through her spirit.

 

Something she knew intimately.

 

Daddy? Adam?

 

It was him. Memory or real, this was the feeling of being bound by him.

 

The comfort and security of being his.

 

She smiled softly and rested.

 

She wasn't sure how long it lasted, for time was meaningless here.

 

But eventually, she felt him again.

 

All around her, probing her very essence.

 

She felt him wrapping, forming something around her until, at long last....

 

"Open your eyes."

 

Velvette obeyed, and she breathed deep.

 

She....could see.

 

She existed.

 

She was alive, question mark?

 

She blinked as she realized she was staring at a familiar face.

 

Face, not mask.

 

"Adam?" she whispered, her own voice almost new and foreign to her by now.

 

"Well, fucking shit, it worked," he said with a chuckle.

 

Velvette felt her eyes tearing up. ""Adam? Daddy? You're really here? I...am really here?"

 

He smirked a bit and reached out to her.

 

Velvette felt herself being pulled to him. She gasped breathlessly as his hand touched her face, cupping and stroking her cheek. She leaned into it.

 

"Oh fuck, this is real," Velvette said, holding the hand desperately. "Bu, how? And....."

 

She trailed off and looked around. It was a room. A very, very nice and clear room with plenty of white with furniture and pictures all about. She didn't need to ask to know this was Adam's own home.

 

"Am...I in Heaven? Am I fucking angel!?" Velvette asked in shock, looking behind herself frantically for any possible wings.

 

Adam chuckled. "No dice, Doll," he said with a smile as he pulled his hand back slightly, holding it in front of her and grabbing slightly.

 

Velvette  became very fixated at the purple-pink orb in his hand.

 

"That's my soul," Velvette said instinctively.

 

"Turns out that I can pull your soul up as you die. And, well, I managed to save your soul before the angelic steel destroyed you," he explained casually as he dismissed her soul. "As for what you are now, well, look down."

 

Velvette blinked and obeyed.

 

Her body was more or less the same. Gray skin and all. ut her outfit was new and not one she had picked out. She was dressed like one of those skimpy parodies of Arabian belly dancers, down to the see through harem pants that matched her hair color. On her ankles, thighs, wrists, and arms were golden bands.

 

She reached up and felt the collar on her neck. It wasn't just a manifestation, it was solid and permanent now. More importantly, though she could feel Adam's hold over her soul, she couldn't feel any of her own contracts.

 

"....You glorious dicked bastard! You actually went and did it!" Velvette said in amazement and laughter. "You brought my ass to heaven as your demonic slave girl!" 

 

Adam shrugged playfully. "It's a good ass," he said as he moved closer to grasp it.

 

Velvette shuddered and...floated up. "Wait, the fuck?" she said, looking down to see that her legs had turned her into mist. "....Daddy, did you turn your fuck doll into a genie?"

 

"Basically?" Adam admitted freely. "You're not an angel, but you're not a demon either."

 

"So, what am I then?" she asked curiously.

 

"Mine," he answered bluntly, leaning over to her ear. "But now your ass is mine full time."

 

Velvette shivered pleasantly at that, grinning back playfully. "Oh, and what's next? Do you have a lamp to put me in for the full genie act?"

 

"Oh, we'll get to that," he said promisingly. "Be good, and I might put you in my cell phone instead."

 

"Hahaha....wait, you can seriously do that?" Velvette asked with wide and sparkling eyes. "How...how would that work....?"

 

"Be a good genie for your master and you'll find out," he egged on.

 

Velvette stared for a moment before standing straight, clapping her hands together almost like a prayer, and bowing to him. "What is your command, Daddy?" she asked, smirking a bit. "Sorry, I meant Master?"

 

He grinned. Wickedly, hungrily, domineeringly.

 

"On your knees, Puppet."

 

He could have dropped her to her knees with a thought.

 

But that made it special, important.

 

Velvette licked her lips and knelt, looking up at him.

 

She imagined she'd find most of her future, right here, like this.

 

And she relished the thought.

Notes:

Just a spur of the moment AU continuation a previous oneshot. Velvetter died, but due to ADam owning her soul, managed to turn her into a genie-servant of sorts in Heaven. Not much else to say.

Chapter 43: Sky of Heaven

Notes:

A kind of counterpart to Naming of Evil.

Sky of Heaven AKA the POV of Good on Creation

 

Good.

 

That is what they call her.

 

They call her many other things.

 

Source, Chaos, Light.

 

The Forge of Creation.

 

The Well of Souls.

 

The First Heartbeat.

 

The Empyrean.

 

Some even call her God.

 

Good, but with only one "o" in it.

 

How odd.

 

These titles mean little.

 

She didn't have them in The Before.

 

In The Before, there was only Good.

 

And the Not-Good.

 

Evil.

 

Good was Everything.

 

Evil was Nothing.

 

The lack of Good.

 

They existed, only them.

 

They couldn't touch.

 

Good and Evil could never truly be They.

 

Never touch, never interact, never truly meet.

 

That was boring.

 

But it was true.

 

Good was Everything.

 

Everyone came from Her.

 

Even Evil came from the lack of Her.

 

Those were their natures.

 

Infinity and Emptiness.

 

They were both alone.

 

But Good was the Opposite of Evil.

 

Thus, she stopped being alone.

 

From Good came the Angels.

 

Beings of pure light.

 

It was slow.

 

And there was nothing else.

 

Good could Create.

 

But it was hard to imagine.

 

How to think of anything when there is only nothing?

 

How to imagine while only knowing the Void?

 

The space between Good and Evil?

 

The Angels could though.

 

They imagined such amazing things.

 

Sounds.

 

Music.

 

Colors.

 

Art.

 

Matter.

 

Worlds.

 

They used her to make Creation.

 

She let them.

 

She wanted them too!

 

She would whisper, guide, and smooth out the designs.

 

But it was by their hands.

 

Their artwork, their creation.

 

Yet they knew it was from her.

 

They worshiped her.

 

Without ever knowing her.

 

She tried to speak to one once.

 

Truly Speak To Them.

 

That one was almost Unmade.

 

Almost became a part of Her again.

 

She didn't want that.

 

She stopped trying to speak.

 

Maybe another time.

 

After all, Time was such a new thing still.

 

The scattered works of Creation began to fall apart.

 

Erode.

 

Decay.

 

Crumble.

 

They came too close to the Void.

 

To the Abyss.

 

To where Evil existed.

 

Good didn't blame her.

 

Good was Creation.

 

So Evil had to be Destruction.

 

There was no malice.

 

Not yet.

 

But the Angels feared Evil.

 

As they should.

 

They built a city around Her.

 

To protect Her.

 

That was funny.

 

They didn't know She was aware.

 

Adorable, really.

 

That She didn't need protecting.

 

Sweet even.

 

She cherished her Angels.

 

But they were slow.

 

Not mentally. 

 

They were very smart!

 

But they took very long to Be.

 

To Become.

 

They were a part of her, but Not-Just-Her.

 

She didn't have favorites.

 

But the best was once The Dreamer.

 

One of her brightest Angels.

 

He was born to imagine.

 

To inspire.

 

He painted the void with Her light.

 

His mind spun with ideas to fill Creation.

 

But something was wrong.

 

His heart.

 

It ached.

 

Angels felt all kinds of things.

 

Worry.

 

Doubt.

 

Fear.

 

Embarrassment. 

 

But only a bit.

 

She tried to soothe their hearts.

 

Heal their souls.

 

To Keep Evil Out.

 

Not like an enemy.

 

But a Poison.

 

Or a Flood.

 

But The Dreamer still ached.

 

His Soul had a crevice.

 

Why?

 

She didn't know.

 

And Creation moved on.

 

Was it her Plan?

 

Was it their plan?

 

Regardless of origin, the Plan was Good.

 

They made the Earth.

 

They needed to practice.

 

This was not just scraps of Creation.

 

But a World for Life.

 

They made The Garden.

 

As Perfect as an Imperfect World could be.

 

Paradise.

 

Safe.

 

It was Good.

 

They took the beasts of the Earth and placed them there.

 

But only some.

 

She didn't influence which.

 

Creation was theirs as well.

 

The Dreamer ached still.

 

He felt his ideas unappreciated.

 

His ideas were too advanced.

 

Too dangerous for the Garden.

 

His time to shine would come again.

 

All was ready.

 

The Angels called onto her.

 

They beckoned Them forth.

 

From her came two new lights.

 

Good did not feel like angels did.

 

But if she did, she might feel tired.

 

For these were not angels.

 

These were New Souls.

 

The First Human Souls.

 

From the Dust, they made their flesh.

 

Good breathed the Souls into them.

 

Death joined Destructed within Evil.

 

Concerning.

 

The Man. and The Woman.

 

The Father and The Mother.

 

To them it would fall to rule Eden, and in time, the Earth.

 

To Guide their children.

 

To show them the way.

 

To find their place in Creation.

 

And be reborn as Angels.

 

Perhaps greater than those who came before.

 

But first, the Garden needed tending.

 

The Humans helped with Creation.

 

Refining Creation.

 

Detailing Creation.

 

Actualized Creation.

 

But Good learned something.

 

That she could still learn.

 

Knowing Everything was not the same as Understanding Everything.

 

They needed names.

 

Not just the humans.

 

Everything needed names.

 

Titles were very unimportant.

 

Names Were Very Important.

 

Precious.

 

Sacred.

 

Unique.

 

A name was Definition

 

A name was Meaning

 

A name was Perasonal.

 

The Man was named Adam.

 

The Woman was named Lilith.

 

Both names came from Adam

 

Naming came naturally to Adam.

 

Other things came naturally to Lilith.

 

Many great things.

 

But not Naming.

 

Lilith's young soul cracked.

 

Evil was in the Garden.

 

At their feet.

 

In their Shadows.

 

But.

 

Evil hadn't done anything.

 

Good's attention had been all on the Humans.

 

Evil could not do anything to them without Good knowing.

 

So.

 

The Crack was not from Evil herself.

 

Evil was not Malicious.

 

Yet.

 

She was Curious.

 

Curious was neither good nor evil.

 

It was both.

 

So Good did not chase Evil away.

 

If she was in the Garden, Good could watch her.

 

Know her.

 

Good was warry.

 

But Curious.

 

After all, they two were like the first angels.

 

Siblings.

 

Maybe?

 

It was good to understand an enemy.

 

It was good to understand a sister.

 

So it was Good to understand Evil.

 

Speaking of.

 

The Tree of Good and Evil.

 

Or, Good-and-Evil.

 

To understand both of them.

 

The Humans Were Not Ready.

 

But they would be.

 

One day.

 

Yet Lilith's soul still stung.

 

She turned from Adam.

 

Again and Again.

 

She wanted....more?

 

More than Eden?

 

More than Creation?

 

More than Good?

 

What was more than Good?

 

Good wasn't angry. 

 

She just wasn't sure what to do.

 

Adam was sad though.

 

She tried to sooth him.

 

He smiled.

 

"Who are you?" 

 

What?

 

Who was he talking to?

 

No one was here?

 

No one but her.

 

And Evil.

 

....He was looking at his shadow.

 

He Was Touching His Shadow.

 

He Was Touching Through His Shadow!

 

She heard Evil's answer.

 

I have no name.

 

Adam heard Evil.

 

How Could He Hear Her?!

 

His soul peaked through the shadow.

 

He Shouldn't Be Able To Do That!

 

Evil could hurt him like this!

 

But.

 

Adam wasn't hurt?

 

What was going on?

 

"Roo."

 

What?

 

"You are just under my shadow, like the roots beneath the ground."

 

Good starred as The Man spoke to Evil Herself.

 

"Your name is Roo."

 

And named her.

 

He named Evil.

 

Evil had a name.

 

A real name.

 

Evil wasn't Good

 

Good....didn't have a name.

 

So distracted, She forgot Evil.

 

Until Evil left.

 

No, not left, Fled.

 

Evil fled from the First Man.

 

Why?

 

"So."

 

Good looked to Adam again.

 

He was staring up.

 

At her.

 

"Who are you then?"

 

What?!

 

How long had he sensed her?

 

Adam just smiled.

 

"May I name you Sky?"

 

.....Yes.

 

What had Good created?

 

Good was Sky.

 

Evil was Roo.

 

Names were important.

 

But.

 

They weren't Evil

 

Or Good.

 

They just were.

 

Adam and Lilith still did not get along.

 

Good meant them to be Equal.

 

Lilith felt Lesser.

 

And wanted to be Greater.

 

Greater than Adam.

 

Greater than the Angels.

 

Greater than Good.

 

Lilith was not Evil.

 

Yet.

 

She met with Lucifer.

 

The two ached.

 

They ached together.

 

They felt love.

 

But their love did not soothe the ache.

 

They Validated it.

 

They Reaffirmed it.

 

They Embraced it.

 

Lilith left Adam.

 

With Lucifer.

 

Their souls grew more cracks.

 

Sky didn't understand.

 

The Angels let them leave.

 

For they all still loved them.

 

Lilith and Lucifer felt...something.

 

Something that felt of Roo.

 

Sky knew this could end unwell.

 

But Adam should not suffer.

 

So, he would not be.

 

Sky whispered to the angels.

 

They made Adam a new bride.

 

From one of Adam's own ribs.

 

Close to the Heart.

 

Sky breathed out another soul.

 

One formed around Adam's own.

 

Eve.

 

Adma and Lilith were similar in many ways.

 

The angels made Eve more like Lucifer.

 

A match of complementary rather than similarity.

 

Sky approved.

 

Adam delighted in her.

 

And Eve in him.

 

Lilith and Lucifer's love was based upon their grievances with Creation.

 

Adam and Eve's love was based upon their appreciation with Creation 

 

But this did not last.

 

Good and Evil should not touch.

 

Too often they did now.

 

Lilith and Lucifer.

 

They had returned to the Garden.

 

But not to visit, not in gladness.

 

Lilith was displeased.

 

She felt replaced.

 

Sky felt annoyed.

 

Was Adam to remain alone?

 

Did Lilith not understand?

 

Choices have consequences.

 

To choose one thing, is to not-choose another.

 

The Father and Mother of Humanity must be human.

 

Lucifer felt slighted still, cast aside and ignored.

 

Did he think his actions did not warrant caution?

 

Was Lucifer blinded by his own enlightenment?

 

They both thought Eve was too submissive.

 

That Adam and the Angels were limiting her.

 

Good felt something new.

 

Anger.

 

Because she knew.

 

She knew what they were thinking.

 

They Wouldn't Dare!

 

But they would.

 

They Were Going To Do It.

 

They told Eve such amazing lies.

 

Lies they told themselves.

 

Lies they clung.

 

The Apple was offered.

 

The offering tainted with Sin.

 

Eve held it in hand.

 

Sky looked to Roo

 

Roo looked to Sky.

 

They both knew what this meant.

 

Roo couldn't stop herself.

 

As in it was impossible to stop.

 

Like a river couldn't stop the flow of its stream.

 

Choices Had Consequences.

 

Sky wasn't angry with Roo

 

But Sky felt wrath for those who chose Roo.

 

Wrath could be Good.

 

Moreso against those who fell to Evil.

 

Eve ate the apple.

 

Sin came into Creation.

 

Good and Evil overlapping.

 

Intertwining.

 

Decaying and Preserving.

 

They could touch now.

 

They couldn't stop touching.

 

Sky wasn't happy with that.

 

Neither was Roo.

 

Roo's Evil fell upon Creation and ravaged the Earth.

 

And the Wrath of Good came down on Them.

 

Through Michael. they were cast out.

 

Lucifer and Lilith.

 

Begone, was her decree.

 

Traitors

 

Deceivers.

 

Monsters.

 

Exiles.

 

Fallen.

 

For they fell and their fall created a wound in Creation.

 

A realm to contain Evil.

 

Hell.

 

It was part of Roo.

 

Like Heaven was a part of Sky.

 

But then, Sky turned to Adam and Eve.

 

Adam had eaten the Apple.

 

Because of course he did.

 

To remain with Eve.

 

They had also fallen.

 

But less so.

 

Mortal.

 

Lessened.

 

But there was still hope.

 

And SKy watched on.

 

Yet, despite everything.

 

Truly, everything.

 

Adam returned to Heaven.

 

He had not turned from Sky.

 

Even though Eve had.

 

And many, many more of Adam's bloodline would.

 

They turned from Sky and fell into Roo's pit.

 

Where Lucifer and Lilith "ruled."

 

Supposedly.

 

But still, Adam did not turn from Sky, from Good.

 

Not when his fallen children rose against Heaven.

 

Not when the Angels  failed and the Watcher's failed.

 

Not when the Flood drowned the Old World to start anew.

 

He remained.

 

Even when the Archangels had hesitated and gained uncertainties.

 

He could have turned from her.

 

He had reasons to.

 

To doubt the Angels.

 

To make a throne upon the Earth.

 

But he didn't.

 

He remained.

 

And when Hell became a threat again.

 

He slaughtered the sinners.

 

To slay those that had earned Hell

 

To save those that had earned Heaven.

 

It was terrifying.

 

Horrific.

 

But it wasn't Evil.

 

He made himself enjoy it.

 

His unbroken soul withered.

 

He endured, as he always had.

 

Distance grew between him and the other angels.

 

Few could understand him.

 

Those that did, joined him.

 

The Exorcists.

 

The darkest angels.

 

They were closest to falling.

 

Yet Adam remained unfallen.

 

He was a constant.

 

A fixture in the last ten thousand years.

 

Good's own North Star.

 

Then.

 

Charlie Morningstar.

 

Good had been aware of her.

 

A pure soul in Hell.

 

A nephilim in Hell.

 

Another Dreamer.

 

Sky wanted to like her.

 

It wasn't her fault, Sky knew.

 

To Charlie, her parents were just her parents.

 

Not the Archtraitor and the Queen of Hell.

 

She didn't understand that Less-Evil was not Good.

 

She didn't understand that Actions have Consequences.

 

A flaw of all Morningstars.

 

Adam denied her dream.

 

He thought it was funny.

 

And it was, in a sad way.

 

Redemption was not a new concept.

 

And it was possible.

 

But in ten thousand years?

 

None had ever done it.

 

The Angels thought it was impossible.

 

Charlie hadn't proven otherwise.

 

She wanted to end the Exterminations.

 

Adam would not endanger the Saved for the Lost.

 

The Child of Sin rallied an army.

 

Cannibals.

 

Angel Steel.

 

Adam and his soldiers were rusty.

 

So long had it been since they had a challenge, a threat.

 

And in the end, he was laid low.

 

Beaten by Lucifer.

 

Killed by a sinner.

 

The Wrath of Good rose.

 

And fell.

 

Adam was smiling.

 

Smiling in death.

 

Like how he smiled at her in Eden.

 

When he named her Sky.

 

Wrath and punishment was not important

 

Not yet.

 

No, Adam was more important than anything of Hell.

 

And he would not die.

 

Some things just could-not-be.

 

Good and Evil would not allow them to become real.

 

Roo would not allow Adam to die.

 

And neither would Sky.

 

But.

 

More than that.

 

She wanted that smile again.

 

Sky didn't want Adam to endure more.

 

He had endured enough.

 

She had whispered long enough.

 

She would Be Heard.

 

She would Be Seen.

 

She Would Be.

 

From now on, it was time for Adam's rest, his reward.

 

And it was time for the Sky of Heaven to join Creation as more than just a witness.

 

Notes:

Yeah, back in Naming of Evil, there wa a lot of talking about Roo having a sister/counterpart, the Source of All Good, aka Sky. I decided I wanted to make a version of that piece for her.

But I also did something special here. Ignoriing the title, Naming of Evil and Sky of Heaven have the exact same wordcount- at least by by the word counter I was using, results may very somehow.

So, yes, Sky is also in love with Aadam. It's a bit more subdued than Roo's, but Adam is the one constant in all of Heaven for Sky. Adam was the first human to make it to Heaven, and he's been the one soul that unwavering stayed with her, even when other angels fell or wavered.

No, this does NOT mean Sky will show up in the Adam/Roo fic.

Chapter 44: Step-Dadam

Step-Dadam AKA Instead of another extermination, Adam has some much more important to share with Charlie

 

Charlie furrowed her brow as she entered a surprisingly dark meeting room in the embassy. "Uhhh, hello? Is anyone here?" she called out into blackness.

 

And then there was light. "Sup!"

 

"Oh, shit!" Charlie exclaimed, falling over in surprise. She quickly got up, looking over at the angel with a nervous expression. Two angels to be exact, but only one was sitting, the other was distinctly an exorcist. "Hi, I'm Charlie! My dad asked me if I could meet you," she quickly introduced, hoping to cover up that minor embarrassment.

 

"Yeah, I know," the angel answered casually while eating on a plate of ribs.

 

Charlie felt increasingly awkward but pushed forward. "Well, it's nice to meet you," she said as she extended her hand.

 

The angel grinned as he leaned forward, making Charlie realize how tall he was as he stretched out a hand. "Totally! Nice to meet you too!" he said with a grin.

 

Charlie tried to shake the hand, but her limb went right through the angel's, making her recoil in alarm.

 

"Ha! I fucking got you!" the angel said with a grin before turning to the other angel. "You see that? Good shit."

 

The exorcist just nodded silently along with her companion's antics.

 

"Wait, so...you're not really here?" Charlie asked in disappointment.

 

"Haha, don't get in a twist, just a little prank to break the ice. Be there in a blink," the tall angel assured, before making a strange face.

 

".....Is he constipated?" Charlie murmured out loud.

 

"Just give him a moment," the female angel retorted evenly.

 

The male's form suddenly flickered a bit and he relaxed. "Ahh, there we fucking go! Astral Projection combo’d with teleporting! Great trick, but yeah," he explained idly, holding up his plate of ribs. "You want some?" he said, offering her an empty plate as well.

 

Charlie blinked but decided it would be rude to turn down. "Sure!" she said, taking a half down before looking at the exorcist. "Do...you want any too?"

 

The exorcist just stared blandly, not responding.

 

"Don't mind Lute, you'll get used to her," he waved off.

 

"Anyway, I'm really glad we could meet, because there's a project-" Charlie started, only for him to hold up his hand.

 

"Hey, hey, slow down! We have to go through a few  things first before we can talk shit," he said, waving to her to sit down.

 

"Oh! Okay!" Charlie said in acceptance. It made sense, she supposed. This was an official meeting, so there was probably some formality or the like to deal with.

 

"Right, so! Are you, in fact, one Charelette Magne Morningstar. Princess of Hell, Only Child born to Lucifer and Lilith, etc, etc, fucking etc?" he listed off as he continued eating.

 

Charlie privately marveled at how he could inhale the meat off the bone and finish chewing so fast. "Yes, that is me. I prefer Charlie though," she answered with a smile. "And you are?"

 

The angel paused suddenly in the middle of a bone, tilting his head. "Your old man didn't even tell you who I am? Wow, talk about a lazy dick," he remarked in annoyance.

 

"I'm...sure it just slipped his mind that I didn't already know the name of the Head Exorcist," Charlie defended with a weak smile.

 

"Right. Anyway, this meeting actually has a special reason. I'm here to deliver a message to the Morningstar family," the angel explained, pulling an envelope out of his sleeve, lazily but expertly sliding it across the table.

 

"Oh!" Charlie said using her magic to summon a handkerchief to clean off her fingers of sauce before opening the envelope. It was strange how..normal it was on the outside.

 

She blinked as she pulled out an...invitation?

 

"You are hereby invited to attend the w-wedding of Adam AND LILITH!? The First Man And Former Queen of Hell?!" Charlie exclaimed in a high bitch voice. "W-what is this, some kind of joke!?"

 

"Not at all, step-kiddo!" the angel said with a grin.

 

"You expect me- wait....." Charlie stopped with wide eyes. "You're Adam!?"

 

"Yo!" Adam greeted again with a peace sign. "Great to meet you, Charmander! Your mom told me all about you."

 

Charlie could only stare for a long moment before, finally she passed out and fell face first into her ribs.

 

"Oh, wow, Plan A actually worked!" Adam said with a grin as he stood up, grabbing Charlie and slinging her over his shoulder. "Huh. The Hellcess has hooves. Have to remember that if I ever buy her shoes," he noted and filed away for late. "Lute, portal time, we're out!"

 

With that, the pair of angles left.

 

And on the table remained the invitation to the wedding of Adam and Lilith.

 

---

 

Lilith hummed contently as she paced around the Kadmon beach home, holding a notebook in hand. Every now and again, she would write something down, tap the pencil to her chin, and either nod to herself or cross it out.

 

Lilith giggled as she looked down to see a long eared cat rubbing against her leg. "Cabby, what are you doing here? I thought you were out playing with the other Cabbits. Did you miss me?" she asked playfully, reaching down to pet the creature.

 

The door was suddenly kicked open. "Lils, I'm back!"

 

Not too many years ago, Lilith would have tensed and turned to battle, magic already in hand.

 

Now, she merely chuckled as she turned to the source of the commotion. "Well, I see someone else...." she stopped as she saw the woman over Adam's shoulder. Or, more specifically, this woman had hooves for feet.

 

Lilith knew those hooves anywhere.

 

"Yeah, so, Lucifer sent someone else to the meeting. Guess who?" Adam offered, waving to the princess.

 

"You kidnapped my daughter," Lilith summarized, both fond and exasperated.

 

"Nooo! It's only kidnapping if we don't let her leave. This is just....a surprise reunion!" Adam reasoned with a grin. 

 

Adam carefully pulled Charlie off and placed her on the couch. No sooner had he done so did Cabbit climb up onto the couch and onto Charlie's chest, sniffing at the face.

 

"Your little star is going to flip when she wakes up," Adam mused as he slinked around to Lilith, hand around her waist. "Want to get a quickie outside before she wakes up?"

 

"Adam," Lilith said with a chuckle, slapping his shoulder.

 

"What, you want her to join instead? I don't mind being Daddy Adam instead of Step-Dad," Adam countered.

 

"You are horrible. There is a reason people think Asmodeus is your son," Lilith said with a headshake, smiling all the while. "And besides, she does have a girlfriend."

 

"....Fourway?" Adam suggested with a shrug.

 

Lilith leaned against him and held up the notepad. "Head out of the gutters and help me get some work done for the wedding. Can we agree that white dresses aren't for me?"

 

"Definitely not. Also not purple," Adam added in.

 

"Why not purple?" Lilith asked curiously.

 

"Lils, purple is something you wear everyday," he reminded. "You'd look great in a purple dress, but..."

 

"Hmm, I see your point. This day needs something special. I suppose a black dress would be out?" Lilith offered in jest.

 

"That's actually pretty popular in Finland," Adam remarked.

 

"Really? Well, I suppose with all the snow," Lilith mused. "Green?"

 

Adam paused and looked over Lilith thoughtfully. "You would look delicious in green."

 

"Green it is. 'll keep the finer detail a surprise," Lilith mused. "And please, for the love of Father, do not wear a black or white suit."

 

"Already got that covered," Adam assured, watching as Charlie weakly tried to push Caby away in her sleep. "So. You taking the lead with this?"

 

"Probably for the best. She is likely to think you brainwashed or blackmailed me," Lilith said with a sigh.

 

Adam growled playfully, hand on Lilith's ass. "You don't complain when I "command" you now."

 

"And you don't complain when I flip you on your ass and mount you like a stallion," Lilith retorted, eyes glimmering sultrily.

 

"KeeKee, stop, that's.....Oh my god! Idon'tknowwhatthisisbutitsadorable!" Charlie squealed, hugging Cabby firmly. The cabbit merely nuzzled against her pleasantly.

 

Lilith quietly separated from Adam and approached the couch. "I'm glad to see you're both getting along," Lilith said with a smile.

 

Charlie froze, looking up with eyes conveying a lot of things. Shock, confusion, love, relief, hurt, joy. "Mom....?"

 

Adam leaned into view, waving at her. Charlie froze, realizing that had not been a dream

 

Lilith just smiled. "I'm sure you have a lot of questions, Sweetie. But first? Welcome to Heaven, Charlie."

 

Charlie contemplated pretending to faint again.

Notes:

This was inspired by the Step-Dadem pieces from “I count the moments” by “TheLovedExplorer.

So, yeah, past seven years have been about how Adam and Lilith buried the hatched and reignited their old flame for each other. Adam is still Adam, and Lilith is still Lilith. And Charlie now has to deal wit that world shattering information.

Thankfully, she has an adorable Cat-Rabbit to comfort her.

If I ever do this one, it’d probably be really short, maybe a three-shot or so? Just something to show the happy re-uniting of Adam and Lilith, and what it means for everything.

Chapter 45: Angelic Friends of Demonic Wardens

Angelic Friends of Demonic Wardens AKA What if Lucifer and Lilith weren't the ones to tempt Eve?

 

"In the beginning, the Angels created the first humans, Adam and Lilith, to rule over Eden as equals. But Adam and Lilith quarreled, and separated. Lilith forsook her human nature to join with Lucifer the Light-Bringer, both having fallen in love. Adam, in turn, found a new love in his second wife, Eve. Despite their rocky past, there was peace in Creation, as Adam and Lilith came to regard themselves not as lovers but as siblings.

 

However, Evil always finds a way.

 

When the Angels created Eden, they contained all knowledge of Evil, and all the Good that can overcome it, into a single tree. It was the one tree the humans were not to partake of. But the angels could not explain why it was forbidden without risking Evil to leak into Creation.

 

And yet, through the slightest creak, it crept through.

 

A single serpent had coiled in the tree, and Evil itself had taken hold of the serpent. Using trickery and deceit unknown yet to Creation, the True Serpent lied and manipulated Eve and Adam to partake of the fruit in her innocence. 

 

With that, the dam had broken. Eden was destroyed, while the first humans were cast down to the harsh wilderness of the Primordial Earth.

 

Yet their fall was not the only one.

 

A realm of evil and sin had formed from the great chasm Evil had formed in Creation, called Hell. Lilith, still devoid of a True Nature after forsaking her human aspects, became changed. The First of the Fallen, bound to Hell in ways few could imagine. Lucifer descended to join his wife and ease her burden as they came to watch over the monsters of Hell.

 

Throughout the ong millenia, many of the living began to conflate Lucifer and Lilith with the evil they watch over and guard against and-"

 

"Fucking shit, can we trim this down any? It's supposed to be a summary, not a damn chapter in a history book!" Adam complained as he put the paper down.

 

The cherub flinched under the criticism. "I'm sorry, Sir! I just didn't want to be too disrespectful of , well, the actual history and all that!"

 

"I get that, but seriously, we need a short and simple way to summarize: For the record, folk, Lucifer is not evil. He's the Warden, not the King. He is, however, a little bitch,"" Adam explained offhandedly.

 

"I, uhh, don't think I'd be allowed to include that last bit," the cherub answered awkwardly.

 

Adam opened his mouth, but stopped as his halo pinged to signal he was getting a message. "Just work on it a bit, Scrubs. I'm sure you'll trim it down nicely. I got to take this," Adam said, dismissing the angel who left the office. "Lucifuck, what's up? You guys let one of those goat-eater get up to earth again?"

 

"Adam! Quick! I need help!" Lucifer explained quickly.

 

Adam groaned and rubbed his eyes prematurely. "Lucifer, I swear, if this is another pussy-monster, I will-"

 

"Lily is pregnant!"

 

Adam went silent at that.

 

"Adam? Are you there? Please don't leave me hanging like this," Lucifer pleaded urgently.

 

"I'm sorry, back up! I thought Lilith was fucking barren!? Didn't Raphael say getting bound to Hell fucked up her ability to make babies?" Adam asked in surprise.

 

"Well, yeah, but Raphael also said there was a small chance that it would eventually heal and....here we are?" Lucifer answered sheepishly.

 

"Huh. Congrats, Man! Now why the fuck are you freaking out?" Adam asked curiously.

 

Lucifer was silent for a moment. "Do I really need to say it?"

 

"Kind of?" Adam inquered.

 

"Adam, me andL Lilith don't know how to...do babies," Lucifer answered with extreme awkwardness.

 

"Obviously you do, seeing as she's pregnant," Adam retorted snarkily.

 

"You know what I mean!" Lucifer snapped, enough for Adam to hear the fire and smell the smoke on his breath.

 

"Wow, geeze," Adam said in surprise.

 

"Adam, we really need your help! We've never had to do anything like this! And she'll be a nephilim! I don't know how to handle human babies or angel babies, or in-between babies!" Lucifer said desperately.

 

"Luce, fucking breath," Adam said calmly. "Now, where is Lilith? What isn't she calling me if you're freaking out this bad?"

 

"...."

 

Adam blinked. "is...is she taking it worse?" he asked in concern.

 

"I don't know. She doesn't want to talk about it. She's just been sitting in our room for a while now," Lucifer admitted with a sigh. "I know it's probably a bit pathetic to you, but yes, we're really freaked out by having our first kid."

 

"Second, I forever count that dragon as your first attempt at parenting," Adam said with a hint of amusement.

 

"Adam, this is serious."

 

"So am I!" Adam retorted with a chuckle. "Don't worry, I'll be down in a minute."

 

In exactly fifty-nine seconds, Adam found himself in the abode of the Morningstar family with a sack slung over his back.

 

More exactly, he was in the Devil's Workshop.

 

"Adam! Finally! Thank you!" Lucifer said, running to hug his oldest and best friend.

 

"Luce, I....." LAdam trailed off as he saw the worn line in the floor. "How Long Have You Been Pacing?! I got here in a literal damn minute!"

 

"Hmm? Oh, that. That's from when I was working up the courage to call you. And when we were waiting on the tests to make sure the baby is....alive. And the one when I was waiting on a test to figure out what was wrong with Lily. And a few other times I may have forgotten to mention," Lucifer explained, his tone far too casual.

 

"....And you paced the exact same line, in the exact same spot?" Adam asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

"Yes! It's my comfy spot for pacing. Now please help us not screw up this wonderful miracle bundle before she is even born!" Lucifer requested quickly.

 

"I want to say this is the worst case of first-baby-freakout, but I really can't. That still goes to my fourth grandson," Adam remarked bluntly. "Now where's the Queen-Momma?"

 

Adam entered the room with about as grace and tact as he did anything else. "Sup, Goat-Girl!?" Adam yelled as he kicked the door open.

 

Lilith didn't jump.

 

Lilith didn't glare.

 

Lilith didn't smile.

 

His entrance got exactly zero reaction from the queen, sitting on the edge of the bed.

 

"Wow, that far, huh?" Adam remarked as he came into the room and put the sack down, sitting next to her "Lith, you look more like you're losing someone instead of having a baby."

 

Lilith shuffled herself a bit, her hands wringing together. "Adam, I....I'm scared, okay?"

 

"Well, yeah, every decent parent is the first time-"

 

"Not....like that," Lilith interrupted sharply. "I'm pregnant. I'm bringing a soul into this miserable world we watch over. Instead of the joy of Heaven or the beauty of Earth, she will grow in the ruins of Hell."

 

"Ahh. That," Adam said with a shrug. "Well, who gives a shit? She'll have a badass family to teach her to be badass herself so she can make this entire fucking pit her pad!"

 

"Tch. You always had the weirdest form of optimism," Lilith remarked, trying and failing not to smile. "....Maybe it would be better if you take her when she's born."

 

"...."

 

"She can grow up in Heaven, know something better than this world of suffering and fighting. Out lot...shouldn't be hers," Lilith said in a soft, mourning tone.

 

"Huh. Congrats. You have instant Mom-instinct," Adam said with a smile.

 

"...What/" Lilith said with a frown.

 

"Wanting your kid to have the best life possible, even if it hurts you somehow, is a pretty normal reaction for most good parents," Adam mused. "Wonder if you'll have all the same parental instincts Eve had, or all the ones she had to learn? Or maybe you'll have all the ones I had?"

 

"Adam, PLEASE take this seriously," Lilith pleaded, rubbing her brow.

 

"I am," Adam said as he reached into his sack and pulled out.....

 

"....Is that my favorite ice cream?" Lilith asked slowly.

 

"A bottomless pit of it. You'll be craving this a  lot, among some weirder things," Adam remarked.

 

"How do you know I'll be craving this specifically?" Lilith questioned.

 

"Eh, weird instinct. I've seen what Eve and all my daughters craved while pregnant, both in Heaven and on Earth. Azura ate zucchinis, Aclima inhaled eggs. Somewhere along the way, I figured out some weird logic pattern that I can't put into words, "Adam remarked. "Also, knowing you, enjoy the first few months. I know you're going to hate it towards the end when you're almost stuck in bed."

 

"Thank you for reminding me," Lilith muttered in fond amusement. So, umm, what should I do? And why didn't you bring Eve?"

 

"Eve is in a self-imposed coma," Adam answered, getting a strange look. "Don't ask, it's complicated. As for what you should do? Well, we'll need to get Raph to confirm she's a Nephilim, but beyond that? Just cut back on the wine?"

 

"I'm not an alcoholic," Lilith said with an eyeroll.

 

"You're not, but it is your comfort shit when you need to destress and think, and this is going to be-"

 

"Stressful? Yes, I gathered this much," Lilith said with a sigh. "Has Lucifer put a hole in his floor yet with the pacing?"

 

"No, but it's a very nice trench," Adam said with a laugh. "Relax, Lith. You got all of Heaven helping you. It'll be fine and you'll have a beautiful hooved daughter in a year or so."

 

"....Hooved?" Lilith repeated with amusement.

 

"I'm betting on it, yes," Adam admitted with a grin.

 

"Can I come in now?" Lucifer said, poking his head in from the door.

 

"Luci," Lilith said with a warm, loving smile.

 

The fallen was instantly  at her side and taking her hand. "I'm sorry I'm a bit useless right now.I always wanted us to, but I thought...." Lucifer  paused, his adoring gaze lowering to her abdomen.

 

Lilith touched her midsection carefully. "So did I. And let's be honest, I'm not much better. Heavens, I don't think I shut down like that since......?"

 

"Since you were vomited out of a Hellworm for the first time," Lucifer said with a grin.

 

"Oh, why did you have to remind me," Lilith said with a chuckle.

 

"Well, you two are getting disgustingly sappy. My work here is done! I'll tell everyone what happened, get Raph down here to see if your Goat-baby needs you to go on any special diet or something like that," Adam said as he stood up and whistled as he headed to the balcony.

 

"Wait, Adam, you left your bag- and he's already gone," Lucifer said as he held up the sack. "I guess he wanted us to keep it?"

 

"What else is inside?" Lilith asked curiously.

 

"Let's see," Lucifer said, sticking his arm in the sack, which was definitely bigger on the inside. Suddenly, he pulled out a....."A new fiddle? Is this a late birthday gift to me?" Lucifer asked curiously as he examined the golden instrument.

 

"Luci, there's a note on the back," Lilith pointed out, grabbing the paper off the gift. ""Soul Instrument. Anything played on one of these can be heard on the spiritual level. It works great on unborn babies.""

 

Lucifer inhaled sharply with wide eyes. "I can play my baby a lullaby before she's even born!?"

 

Lilith giggled, rubbing her belly again. "Your daddy is a silly one," she said. "The question is, what do we name her?"

 

"Adam is definitely expecting something starting with an L," Lucifer said knowingly.

 

"Lucifer, all of Creation is expecting that," Lilith said with amusement.

 

"All the more reason to choose the chaos option and pick anything but that!" Lucifer said with a grin. "We should definitely go for something a bit more modern. Like Clarie or Tiffany."

 

Lilith hummed. "How about Charlie?"

 

"Hmm? Isn't that a boy's name?" Lucifer asked in confusion. "Oh, wait, right. Short for Charlotte?"

 

Lilith nodded regally. "Now, Lucifer, please be a dear and fetch me a spoon before this ice cream melts."

 

"Lily, it's from Heaven. It will NEVER melt."

Notes:

Well, there we go. Just wanted to present this idea for a comfier version of the Hazbin setting. Lucifer and Lilith didn't give Eve the apple, the literal snake did after it was possessed by Evil itself. Lucifer and Lilith are the "rulers" of Hell, but it's a job rather than a sentence. And I kind of like the image that, in a setting where the Ls and Heaven are on good terms, they freak out at having their first child and turn to Adam and Eve for advice. Lucifer is overreacting because his mind is spinning with ideas of how things can go wrong, and Lilith is just kind of...stuck with the worry that she's dooming this baby from the start.

Chapter 46: The Father's Rectification

The Father's Rectification AKA Adam Dies, God Returns. These are not unrelated.

The instant the blade struck Adam, Lucifer knew that something was off about the situation.

"Nifty?!" Charlie exclaimed in surprise.

Nifty stood on Adam's back in surprise before grinning maniacally. "Sta-"

No sooner had the maid pulled the knife out than she was suddenly propelled back by with enough force to send her flying.

She landed with a distant cry. "Yay! More pain!"

"Sir?! Adam?!" Lute yelled as she ran over to him. Or, she tried to, if not for hitting an invisible barrier. "The fuck?!" she exclaimed, glaring to the Princess and her friends.

Charlie looked as lost as she was. She thought Adam dying meant they had decidedly won, but what was happening now?

"Umm, people? Am I the only one who sees that blood moving on its own?" Angel Dust called out.

Indeed, Adma's golden blood was now moving as if a living thing, forming an image on the ground.

"Is....Is that a demonic seal?" Charlie asked in surprise. She knew demons like the Ars Goetia could use their personal symbols made with blood to summon themselves, but doing it with holy blood didn't even cross her mind for obvious reasons. But if it was a demon, why not just come to Pride Ring the normal way? For an entrance?

"That...is not a demon's sigil," Lucifer said slowly as he saw the shapes quickly taking form.

A pentagram, with an inverted heptagon, within a seven-point start, within a heptagon, within a circle. Numerous names and symbols decorated the enormous and complicated sigil.

Lucifer blinked. "Ah. Fuck my duck."

No sooner had the devil spoken, than a pillar of light erupted from the circle, encasing the corpse of the First Man, making everyone shield their eyes in alarm. The battle suddenly stopped as a feeling of awe and dread washed over all of them, some certainty in their soul that they had long forgotten. 

A great wave of wind roared from the seal. It sent the cannibals flying and nearly knocked the other hellians off their feet. But to the angels, they found no force to the gust washing over them, nothing more than a breeze in their face as the light shone upon them.

"What's going on now!?" Charlie exclaimed in disbelief.

"Just hold on and don't look directly into the light!!" Lucifer called out.

"Adam!" Lute called out in alarm. "Adam, can you hear me in there!? What's going on?!"

No answer came as the spectacle continued, seen throughout all of Pride.

"Christ on a stick, tone that down, Vox! I'm going blind here!" Velvette yelled from the safety of their tower as they watched the turn the battle had taken.

"Shut it! I'm not missing a minute of....whatever the fuck is happening!" Vox retorted, even if he found the light painful to look directly at.

"Tell me the First Man's done with his big bang," Valentino said uncaringly as he stared up at the ceiling. 

At long last, the pillar of light began to fade and die out, eventually vanishing just as suddenly as it had come.

"Okay.....going to be seeing spots for a year now," Angel Dust said, summarizing how many of them felt.

No one else commented on that, busy looking at the seal.

There, in the circle, was Adam. Healed and bloodless. All at once, he breathed hard and deep, grunting as he started to push himself back up.

"What the hell? Did someone just revive him?" Husk asked in surprise.

Lucifer sighed heavily. "Yeah. That was the Sigil of God."

"God has a sigil? Like a magic sigil?" Charlie asked in surprise.

"And he stepped in to revive this asshole?" Vaggie asked with distaste, glaring at how this had ruined her joy at seeing Adam finally get his comeuppance.

"Unfortunately," Lucifer muttered as he walked over to the edge of the seal.

"Stay away from him!" Lute yelled as she glared at the devil. She tried to step between them, but the seal still would not let her inside.

"Yeah, yeah, just give me a minute," Lucifer said dismissively, leaning down to Adam's level as the First Man was still pulling himself up.  "Look, Adam? You already got the Old Man to step in, so just call it quits and take your friends-"

The First Man quickly held up a finger, a silent request to give him a moment to collect himself. Lucifer decided to humor him, given the circumstances.

Adam stood and slowly got to his knees and rose, cracking his neck as he did.

But as he rose to his full height, he became something that was decidedly Not-Adam.

What had been a winged human in angelic robes morphed into an even taller humanoid entity. He wore an all-white suit, not too dissimilar from Lucifer's but with gold instead of red. A cape was on his shoulders, the underside looking as if he was wearing a star-lit piece of the night sky, at dusk or dawn. He wore a tall-brimmed hat with a gold band around it. His face, however, was featureless save for his mouth which stretched further than a human's would. His four eyes were not on his face, but two floating on either side of it.

Thus the Lord grumbled and proclaimed, "Gah! Ten thousand years really will give you such a crick in the neck!"

If Charlie and the sinners were confused before, they were especially now as every Exorcist suddenly dropped to their knees and bowed. Even Lute, eyes wide in incomprehension and relief, fell to her knees. She stared with tears in her golden eyes, before bowing and prostrating herself fully.

"What's going on? What....is that Adam....?" Charlie asked, looking at her girlfriend. "Vaggie, do you know-"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no," Vaggie whispered with a horrified look in her eye, appearing ready to collapse in on herself. "That...he can't be...this isn't right!"

The Lord ignored them as he cracked his neck in one direction, and a great fissure formed on the roof of Pride, like an enormous canyon in the sky.

He cracked his neck the other way, and a mountain erupted in the wastelands just beyond Pentagram City, a jagged stone that glittered blue against the harsh red that made up this ring of the pit.

"Yeah, dusting off that off and reascending made me just as sore as I knew it would," God said to himself, bringing his hands together, and cracking his fingers, sounding almost like a little tone as they popped, all while he stretched his arms.

Where the hotel had been, the rubble rose and melded into the shape of a triple helix spire that rose high into the sky, each strand of different material. One of the red stones of Hell, one of metal, and one of wood. I loomed high over the area like some ominous watchtower.

"Wow, wow, wow!" Cherri called out, watching as the structure formed before her very eye. "What's he doing, remodeling Hell!?"

Charlie looked between her shocked father, her girlfriend on the edge of a breakdown, and the angels kneeling and unresponsive. "Dad, snap out of it! What's going on!?"

".....Father!?" Lucifer yelled in shock, his voice several octaves higher than he intended. He was too stunned to process the implication, because of how absurd and insane the situation had become.

"Father!?" everyone from Hell exclaimed in shock. Because even the stupidest of them knew there was only one being that might possibly be considered a father to the Angels.

The Father himself.

"Hmm?" The Lord's four eyes turned to glance down at the Devil levelly. "Lucifer."

Lucifer, for once, struggled to find the words. "I...I thought you left?! That you were doing this "works in mysterious ways" thing and leaving running things to Sera and the others?!" Lucifer exclaimed as he stepped back.

"Wait, so....that's God?" Angel Dust remarried, looking him up and down. "Huh. Not what I expected. Does he have a dick or is he like a Ken Doll?"

"Am I the only one realizing that the First Man turned into him?" Husk asked in growing dread.

Charlie was trying and failing to process that, what it implied. That Adam, the first man and villain of her family's story, was in fact something far more than just the First Man.

"Oh, that's what I told everyone, yes. I wanted to see how you all do if I left you to your own devices. If I took the training wheels off," God answered, leaning down to Lucifer's much shorter level. "You can imagine my immense disappointment."

"But, this whole time?! You've been......!?" Lucifer couldn't even get it off his tongue.

God raised a fist to his mouth and pretended to cough. "What do you think, you fucking snake?" he said, with a voice that was distinctly Adam's.

Lucifer proceeded to blue screen at that. "I...need a moment," he said numbly as he turned and took a few steps away from the Creator.

"You'll need much more than just one," God remarked in his own voice again as he rose back up, his eyes turning to another figure. 

Upon hearing Adam's voice again, Lute's head had snapped up. Even as she stayed on her hands and knees, she alone among the exorcists looked up at God who had been Adam just a few minutes ago. "S-sir? Almighty? You're really....still him?"

God smiled kindly down at her and replied with both the Voice of God and the Voice of Adam in sync. "It's complicated, Dangertits."

That, however, was enough for Lute. With a shuddering breath, she shot up and sprung towards the white figure, arms wrapping around him desperately.

The Almighty smiled as he placed a hand on her head.

"No, No, No, NO!"

Everyone turned to see Vaggie staring at the Creator with one eye shaking in a rather manic fashion. 

"Vaggie, wait, don't! You need to calm down!" Charlie said quickly as she grabbed onto Vaggie, who barely registered the effort or words.

"This can't fucking be true! Creation can’t be that twisted! You can't be him!" Vaggie screamed, pointing her spear at him in accusation.

Lute stiffened, glaring at Vaggie and ready to go on the offense once more. But the same hand that comforted her now gently held her back.

God himself was rather unmoved and unimpressed by the display. "I have always been Him, Fallen Child."

Vaggie just stared as tears began to form. Without a word, she collapsed to her knees and dropped her spear, as if a puppet with her strings cut, held up only by Charlie's comforting hold.

"I'm starting to think we might be better off just shooting ourselves," Husk remarked with dulled seriousness. "We just picked a fight with God."

"What'd you think fighting Heaven meant?!" Cherri countered with an accusing glare until she froze. She looked back and saw the four eyes peering at her with bemusement. She felt her mouth grow dryer than a desert.

Charlie swallowed deeply as she held her distraught lover before looking back to meet the Gaze of God.

The Creator hummed as he considered her. "Of all the Antichrists I foresaw, you were among the least likely."

Charlie looked down for a moment before meeting his eyes again. There was so much confusion and hurt in her eyes that she didn't know what to do with any of it.

"Now, where was I? Oh, yes." God lifted up a finger, spinning it in slow circles.

"Ohh, shit! Please don't be some plague bullshit....," Angel Dust whispered in dread as his eyes darted around in worry.

Instead of anything they feared might happen, they all watched as golden lights started to emit from the bodies of every dead Exorcist, each one reviving and already kneeling in reverence to the Lord who had seen fit to resurrect them.

"Ladies, my loyal Destroying Angels, rise and return to Heaven. It is time I put my house back in order, and clean up the mess that has been made of my Creation," God proclaimed with gentle authority.

Without question, without a word, they obeyed and took to the air to soar back to the blessed realm above.

Vaggie had to resist the instinct to obey the command.

Only one remained. Lute stood by his side and would refuse to be more than a few steps from him, he was very aware of this.

"Let us go, Lute. I am going to enjoy seeing the reactions to this," God said with a wide grin.

"Don't....don't you already know, Sir?" Lute asked curiously.

"I keep myself from knowing some pleasant surprises beforehand," God answered with a chuckle as he turned to leave with her.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Lucifer spoke up, the apparent departure knocking him back to his senses. "You've been Adam this whole time, and you just...didn't tell anyone, and now you're just leaving?"

"Did you want me to rain holy fire on your house? Because I can rain holy fire on your house," God offered casually.

"I don't want any rain on my house!" Lucifer countered, waving his hands in denial. "I just....can I get a damn explanation!? Why were you Adam!? Why didn't you ever...STOP being Adam before!?"

"Hmmm," God hummed before smiling widely. "Nope!"

"....Nope?" Lucifer repeated incredulously.

"Nope, as in I'm not explaining anything to you," God answered tauntingly. "In fact, you might be the very last person I explain this to because I know it will drive you up your own walls."

"You can't just-!" Lucifer started, only to find his face in the grip of God.

"My Bringer of Light," God proclaimed, making Lucifer stiffen with many mixed emotions, fear greatly among them. "Fall!"

The command was less for Lucifer and more for reality itself, as the Devil found himself hurled back by an unseen force, impacting the ground just outside Pentagram City, tremors shaking the lands for only a few seconds.

"Dad! What did you do!?" Charlie explained in horror and concern.

"He will be fine," God assured dismissively. "If you want to help dig him out, you can find him in the Ninth Ring of Hell."

Bewilderment came over all of them. "But...there's only seven rings?" Charlie voiced.

"Not anymore," God answered ominously.

"Holy shit," Angel Dust whispered at the sheer implications.

"Now, I have a lot of things to deal with and unravel. Like how we ended up with man-eating penguins with teeth! I will deal with all of you and this pit in my own good time," God said finally before grinning widely. "Oh, and the exterminations are canceled because I'm sealing off all of Hell from the rest of Creation! Bye, Big G out!"

"Wait, what!?" Charlie exclaimed as God swooped up Lute into his arms, the exorcist yelping as they both turned into a beam of pure holy light that shot up to Heaven.

"Great. The First Dick is now a Divine Asshole," Angel Dust remarked. "You...think he killed all of the cannibals?"

"What do we do now? Did he really seal off Hell?" Charlie asked in bewilderment.

"What's the point?" Vaggie asked despondently. "If Adam is God, then we were all fucked from the start. We never had a chance. He's probably just waiting for Hell to swell so he can enjoy putting more souls down."

Charlie didn't say it, but she didn't believe that was true. She couldn't explain why, but the entire time she was in God's presence, she didn't feel terror or overwhelming dread at the idea that Adam was omnipotent.

She couldn't say why, really, but instead of feeling cheated or despairing,  she felt as if there was a renewed spark of hope in her chest.

For now....she should probably find her Father.

“Hey, um, Charlie?” Angel Dust spoke up, holding up his smartphone. “The Cannibals are alive, but it looks like they all started fighting each other, even the schmucks that didn’t come. And something is going on at the Carmine factories.”

Charlie winced. It seemed God hadn’t let them go without some consequences.

Elsewhere, in Heaven.

God appeared at the exorcists training ground with Lute still in his arms as he laughed. "What do you think? Was that an Adam-enough exit?"

"I...yes, I think that was a very Adam-style way to leave, in some ways, "Lute admitted, a bit awkwardly. "...You're canceling the exterminations?"

God answered with a nod. "There is no point in them if I can just force them to stay in the Pit."

"....What purpose will we have, if not as your weapons to cull sinners, Lord?" Lute asked quietly.

God looked at her with a look that was both scolding and assuring somehow. “You were never just weapons to me, Lute. None of you will ever be useless in my eyes, least of all you," he vowed kindly.

Lute couldn't help her tears gathering in happiness at that.

"....Also, I have no dick in this form. So, you know, don't get too excited until you see me in human form again," God forewarned with a chuckle.

Lute's face went blank before she smirked, realizing that yes, this was definitely still Adam in many ways.

God grinned wildly. He had many regrets as Adam, honestly. But he would never regret becoming Adam.

"Now, I think I need to go give Sera a LONG overdue performance review on her job."

Notes:

Something that got started in the discord and morphed into something else. So, yes, going with the idea that Adam is God coming fully down to the human level.  Naturally, he’s a bit upset about how…everything has turned out.

This is mainly just a funny, comedy idea to have everyone reacting to God being Adam, and him flexing his powers to deal with everything that went wrong since he stepped back. He has a lot to deal with, but making the need for the E-Days more redundant given his omnipotent nature. Yes, there are some consequeences to be dished out, but nothing too horrible. He even ended the exterminations, but for his own reasons.

Hope you all enjoyed this oneshot!

Chapter 47: Super Seraphim

Super Seraphim AKA The Warrior Pure of Heart, Awakened by Rage.

 

The tide turned completely once Lucifer joined the fight. Even with the Angelic weapons, the exorcists were steadily winning against the army of sinners, especially with their leader's power to vaporize any sinner in an instant of holy light.

 

But Lucifer had more than neutralized Adam, the Devil was beating the First Man into the ground.

 

"You're in my house now Bitch!" Lucifer declared viciously as he continued to beat into the man who dared to hurt his daughter.

 

Said daughter was momentarily too surprised by her father's vicious reaction.

 

"Sir!" Lute called out in alarm as she tried to come to his aid.

 

"No, you don't!" Vaggie said as she tackled Lute and pinned the one-armed exorcist to the ground.

 

Lute struggled against her, trying to help Adam as she saw golden blood on Lucifer's fist.

 

Lucifer stopped as he grabbed Adam by the collar, his demonic eyes glaring into those pained golden orbs. "I've wanted to do this since Eden. Now, scream for me."

 

He raised his fist to strike one final blow...

 

"Dad, wait!" Charlie cried out quickly

 

Lucifer's fist struck, and the sickening sound of bones breaking echoed in the air. And yet still, Adam refused to scream.

 

Lucifer scowled as he pulled back his hand to hit him again.

 

Charlie raced to him. "Dad, please, stop-"

 

Lucifer never got the chance, suddenly grabbed by the face and thrown through one of the nearby broken hotel walls. "Okay! Who in Hell!?" Lucifer snarled as he pulled himself out to glare at the offended.

 

There stood Lute, her entire body trembling. as she stood over Adam's prone form.

 

"What the fuck?" Vaggie said in bewilderment, standing up from where she had been tossed. "How did she move so fast?"

 

"Lute....?" Adam responded weakly, smiling at her even as his vision clouded over. His hand reached up toward hers before falling limp.

 

Lucifer stood, glaring at the dove that interrupted his deliverance of punishment. He took only a single step before a hand rested on his shoulder. He looked, eyes softening in surprise as he saw his daughter there.

 

"Dad, he's had enough," Charlie said softly.

 

Lucifer didn't protest. Leave it to his daughter to be kind even to someone like Adam. Still, he sighed dramatically as he approached the pair. "Look, just take Adam and your friends home. You've all lost."

 

Lute didn't look up, didn't even acknowledge him. In truth, she didn't even hear him. Her heart was pounding in her ears as she stared at Adam's injured, deathly state.

 

"Do you think I'd let you get away with this?" Lute asked in a dangerous, venomous voice. 

 

Lucifer opened his mouth and then stopped with a suspicious stare.

 

The ground began to rumble and the red skies over Pentagram started to cackle with heavenly lightning.

 

"Oh, shit, what now? Did they call in backup?" Angel Dust asked in dread.

 

"I don't care if I tear away every piece of my soul," Lute vowed as she raised her head to show her blazing eyes. "I will take you down with me! Lucifer!"

 

With that proclamation, holy power erupted like shockwaves around Lute. It sent many sinners and angels reeling back from the sheer force of it. Lucifer stood unphased while Charlie held up her arms to shield her eyes, Vaggie stabbing the ground with her spear to anchor herself. Lute gritted her teeth as the power swelled around her, her white hair gaining a glow to it as it grew into something longer, with an almost primal air around her.

 

The holy power condensed around her severed arm, forming a golden replacement of pure energy.

 

With a great cry of rage, golden ichor exploded from Lute's back.

 

"No...,' Vaggie whispered as she saw Lute's six wings.

 

"Dad, what is this!?" Charlie called out.

 

"Hehe," Lucifer said with a smirk. "So you're one of those "Super Seraphims" Sera mentioned to me. Lesser angels who can imitate the power of a seraphim."

 

"....So, like Dragon Ball....?" Charlie whispered in surprise.

 

"Well, I always wanted to see how one of you matches up to the real thing," Lucifer said as he spread his wings. "Little Dove, shall we-"

 

Lute vanished to strike Lucifer in the face, something he only barely dodged, "You Talk Too Much!" Lute roared as her knuckles scraped his cheek and destroyed the wall behind him in an instant.  

 

Lucifer grunted, deciding to put some distance between his daughter and this fight by instantly fleeing into the air, Lute chasing him like a rabid dog.

 

"Charlie, are you alright?!" Vaggie called as she ran over to her.

 

"Vaggie, did you know about....?!" Charlie gestured to the fighting Seraphims up above.

 

"I...Look, yes, but I thought they were making a Super Saiyan joke!" Vaggie admitted.

 

Charlie couldn't find herself to blame Vaggie for that as they looked up to watch the fight.

 

Lucifer gritted his teeth in frustration. Lute was ravenous, determined to main and harm him. And despite how new she was to the power, she was fast and every hit he blocked was like being struck with a comet. His attempts to avoid her attacks and throw her off with shapeshifting-

 

Lucifer turned back from a snake to narrowly avoid being cut in half by Lute's holy arm.

 

- proved less than effective with Lute's single-mindedness.

 

And more than that.

 

"Dammit! Why can't I fuck hit YOU!?" Lucifer gasped out as Lute buried her heel in his gut, sending him and herself down to the ground to make a new great crater.

 

"You're a fucking clown, not a fighter," Lute said coldly, pressing down harder on his stomach.

 

"Yeah, fuck you too!" Lucifer yelled as he shot his hand forth with a beam of hellfire.

 

Lute retaliated with a stream of holy flames from her hands.

 

The two attacks met at point-blank impact, the clashed energies warping and twisting the ground around them as both powers struggled for dominance.

 

Eventually, the struggle exploded, quaking the entirety of all seven rings with the shock wave.

 

When the dust cleared, Lute was still standing over Lucifer. The Devil hissed in pain, his shirt burned away, and many holy burns upon his body. Lute had lost part of her uniform, the remaining arm missing up to the shoulder. She glared hatefully down at her enemy. "I will make you pay in blood for what you did to Adam."

 

"Lute!"

 

The Super Seraphim snapped her head to the daughter of the devil who dared to draw her attention. The Princess pointed frantically to the side where Lute saw...

 

Adam.

 

He had crawled out of his crater, blood leaking from his mouth as he stared at her with wide eyes.

 

Lute was instantly kneeling at his side. "Sir? Sir, are you alright?" she asked quickly.

 

He stared at her, his eyes still surprised. He tried to say something but only more golden blood gurgled up.

 

"Please, just...leave," Charlie all but pleaded.

 

"You nearly killed him, slaughtered my sisters, and you expect me to leave without killing you or your father!?" Lute snarled.

 

"What's more important?! Revenge or him?!" Charlie countered, glaring tearfully at her. "I didn't want any of this! I didn't want any of you to die!"

 

Lute looked ready to rip her head off until Adam placed a hand on hers. Lute looked down and saw him giving her a look of apology and shame, weakly nodding. The look almost crushed Lute more than anything any of these demons could do.

 

"....Fine. But this isn't over," Lute vowed as she touched her halo. "All Exorcists, retreat."

 

The fighting had mostly stopped regardless to watch the spectacle that had been the battle between Lucifer and Lute, the living Exorcists taking to the sky once more to return home.

 

Lute collected Adam, holding him carefully even as the First Man's consciousness began to fade. "....I know you're there, Vaggie," Lute said, glaring down in the crater, where Vaggie had been waiting with her spear if Lute tried to attack Charlie.

 

The Fallen Exorcist glared back.

 

"I hope this filth was worth it. May you choke on every drop of holy blood, Archtraitor," Lute said condemningly as warm golden light enveloped her and Adam.

 

The Super Seraphim rose from Hell like a shooting star, the First Man held safely in her arms.

 

 

Notes:

A little gift for TitanHound. This was a concept he shared in the discord and I decided to make a one shot of it. Super Seraphim Lute! Yep, this time it’s Lute’s turn to be uber-powered, having ascended to Seraphim-hood to protect Adam from Lucifer. Naturally, Adam is a bit shocked and awed by what he saw.

Might make a short story about this one day, but for now, I just wanted to share this concept.

Chapter 48: The Mormons Were Right!?

The Mormons Were Right!? AKA Well, they were right about one or two things.

Charlie tried to mentally prepare herself for many things when she entered Heaven's embassy.

"There's the Akhyanít I've been looking for!"

That wasn't one of them.

"Oh. Hello?" Charlie greeted the man sitting at the end of the table. He was an angel with golden wings and a vaguely demon-ish mask that had some lights to imitate a face. "You were expecting me, right?"

"Yep!" he answered with a grin. "Man, I was surprised when I heard your old Loose-duck of a father sent you to a meeting. I thought he was never going to bring you to a meeting."

Charlie blinked. She was not expecting that positive of a reception, but she wasn't going to pretend not to be happy. "I'm glad to be here, honestly! I'm Charlie. Morningstar, but I'm going to assume you knew that."

"What, your last name isn't Flailingstar?" the man joked, holding up his hand to generate a flail made out of angelic steel.

"Flailing....?" Charlie covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. "That's not funny."

"Ahh, so you're the Princess of Lies now?" he joked. "As for me, well, I'm going to guess I need no introductions."

"....."

The angel blinked. "....He didn't tell you who the fuck I am, did he?"

"No....? Sorry, I just know you're the Head Exorcist?" Charlie answered sheepishly.

"Ow, fucking Luce. I swear we gave the fucker brain damage when we threw him out," he said with a sigh, before gesturing to his robe, which had a large stylized A on it. "So, to start with, I am Adam."

"....Oh," Charlie said awkwardly.

"By Raphael's dogs, what the fuck did Lilith say?" Adam said before holding up his hand. "Rhetorical, we'll get to that later. So, did they tell you anything about the other angels in Heaven?"

"....Nothing specific," Charlie admitted, dodging the question, but it was ultimately true. No names beyond her parents and Adam were given.

"Right, so....this might be better if I just kind of fucking showed you?" Adam said as he stood up and walked to the side of the table.

Charlie watched as his wings unfurled and he was enveloped in light. Charlie winced and blinked away the spots, only to gasp at the sight of an even larger angel in holy armor and six radiant wings.

And on his chest was no longer an "A" but an "M"

"I am also the Archangel Michael," he said before his wings closed in and he retook the form of Adam., "But I usually just go by Adam these days."

Charlie stared for a moment as Adam took his seat again. "I have several questions."

"That's what most of them always say," Adam said with a chuckle. "Followed by asking "The Mormons were right?!" Ha!"

"The who?" Charlie asked in surprise.

"Don't ask," Adam waved off.

"Right, so...please explain?" Charlie requested.

"Well, I was Michael before Eden. After I led the charge to evict your old man, I volunteered to reincarnate to become the First Man," Michael explained.

"....Was my mother-?"

"Yes, your mom was also an angel before she reincarnated. We didn't really remember that though, and she never really got all her memories back. You know, becoming the first sinner and all that," Adam said casually. "Eve was one too, but she got hers back after coming upstairs."

Charlie winced only slightly at the mention of her mother. "Right, so...that was a thing? Angels reincarnating as Humans?"

"Yeah. It's complicated. Souls come naturally to humans who are born, but since we created the first human bodies, we had to use another soul first," Adam explained. "And we thought your father wasn't out of the picture for a wow, so it seemed like a good vacation. Then the apple happened."

"Can we backpedal for a moment?" Charlie asked with a frown. "My mother said you...tried to control her in the garden?"

"Ahh, is she still going on about that?" Adam asked with a shake of the head. "Look, yes, I tried to take the reins of the relationship, and a bit too hard. In my defense? Before I was Adam, I was the taxiarch, basically the First General ever. I was really used to being the one leading, even if I didn't remember it. You can suppress the memories but not the instincts."

"Oh," Charlie said, processing that. So, the book wasn't a lie, but it was oversimplified. "And then....the apple. So, my parts told me it was Free Will....?"

"....If we didn't have free will, how did any of us choose to eat the apple we were told not to eat?" Adam pointed out with a furrowed brow.

Charlie opened and closed her mouth. "I assumed it was something like...being near the fruit or offering it empowered you with the option to choose it? You know, Free Will within its proximity?"

"That is the smartest fucking answer anyone has given me!" Adam said, pointing at her with a grin. "No, no, Lucifer misunderstood what the apple was. He thought it was the abort button, that it would turn us back into angels. That he was freeing us from the “shell” that was being human. Needless to say, he was wrong."

Charlie looked down before furrowing her brow. "You don't.....sound too angry at my father about it?"

Adam shrugged his shoulders. "I am. But that shithead is still my little brother. And you're the Akhyanít I've been needing to meet."

"...." Charlie blinked. "That means niece-"

"It means niece, yes," he answered at the same time, grinning. "So, that enough mind-blowing revelations for the day?"

"I think. Still...processing all that," Charlie said slowly. "But there...is something I wanted to talk to you about, officially? Professionally?"

"I'm listening, amuse me."

Later

"So....how'd the meeting go?" Angel Dust asked curiously.

"Still trying to figure that out," Charlie admitted. "It turns out that the Head Exorcist is Adam. Adam. And Adam is also Michael. Michael."

"....The fucking Mormons were right!?" Angel Dust, Hucker, and Alastor exclaimed in shock.

"What the hell is the problem with the Mormons?" Charlie asked in bewilderment.

"Don't get me started," Husker said with a sigh.

"Oh fuck, was South Park right? Is that why we're in Hell?!" Angel Dust asked in horror.

"I may just vanish for another seven years if so," Alastor said, rubbing his forehead.

"...Wait, smiles, you know what South Park is?" Angel Dust asked in surprise.

"I may have little love for the picture box, but I do check on modern takes on Hell in fiction sometimes. It is rather amusing to compare them to reality," Alastor explained.

"Wait," Husker said thoughtfully. "Mormons are polygamists, right? Does that mean he was married to your Mom and Eve at the same time instead of one after the other?"

Charlie opened her mouth and closed it again. ".....Well, I have another question for the next time I meet him."

Notes:

A little crack present for the holidays. Yeah, I could have done the idea of "Adam dies a second time and comes back as Michael and Lucifer shit his pants" but that would be a bit too predictable at this point, so decided to do something funny like this. Hope you all got a laugh out of this.

Chapter 49: Edenic GuitarPrincess

Edenic GuitarPrincess AKA What if Charlie and Adam's first meeting happened ten thousand years ago?

This wasn't supposed to happen.

He wasn't supposed to be alone.

No other creature in all of paradise was alone.

Except for him, Adam.

The First Man.

The First Mateless, more like.

He sat beneath the trees of Eden, taking comfort in his animal friends. The squirrels, the geckos, the foxes, and others.

"I appreciate the company, guys," he said, rubbing the head of the little gecko that had climbed on his knees. "I just....don't know what I did wrong."

His friends chittered and chattered, and though he understood them, they had no answer for him.

Humans were like animals, but...not. They were special, according to the angels, and things were more complicated for them.

For him, he supposed.

He looked to his side where his wife used to sit next to him, leaning against him to join in talking with the animals.

And now she is gone.

She had left the garden, left him, to be with....someone else.

An angel.

It hurt so much thinking about them. He had loved his wife, and he had cherished his time with that angel.

He thought she loved him the same.

He thought the angels were here to guide, not to hurt.

Was it just because he disagreed with them about leaving Eden? About how they saw the other angels?

Was that enough to warrant causing all this pain, without even a word?

Adam sighed as he looked up to the clear skies above the tree.

He didn't know how long it had been since his wife left the garden.

Every day was the same. He did the minimum chores and duties of Eden and then found someplace to sit and wallow.

He didn't like wallowing, but he couldn't find the will to do much else. Not yet at least.
 
An eagle landed on a branch just above him, calling to him.

"What is it, Ayit?" Adam asked with a furrowed brow, getting more chirps and calls. "What do you mean something is wrong with a goat?"

The eagle flew off, beckoning him to follow him.

Adam rose and followed, unsure what trouble one of his horned friends had gotten into. They could be rather hard-headed.

He eventually came to a stop near the edge of Eden, finding a goat with their front half stuffed in the bushes, struggling and desperately bleating to get out. "Someone got their horns stuff again," Adam said, a small smile on his face at this simple and familiar event. He leaned down and placed a comforting hand on the goat's back. "Calm down, I'll help you out, friend," he assured as he began to untangle the creature.

Lilith would have done this quicker and easier. Plants listened to her better, the tiny branches slow to answer his call to help him free this goat.

Banishing that though, he finally pulled the goat out with one final pull. "There you go!" he said, holding the small goat up. "...Huh. Are you a new kind of goat?"

The goat in question was staring at him in surprise with bright red eyes. She had short horns, being female, but they were a lot less curved and strangely red as well. Her coat was almost pure white, save the mop of gold crowning her head.

She must be new. He couldn't recall naming her. Still, if she was a new kind of goat, where was her mate? "Ayit, did anyone see a male goat like her?" Adam asked, looking up at the eagle.

The she-goat tilted her head at the eagle in fascination as he shook his beaked head in negative.

That was strange. The pair of animals usually arrived as well, a pair. They must have gotten separated. "Well, no one should be alone longer than they should be," Adam mused as he sat her down on her hooves. "I'm Adam, little redhorn. Come on, I'll show you around while we look for your mate."

The she-goat tilted her head at him with wonder in her ruby eyes.

He smiled back at her, rubbing a hand through her face and neck. She leaned into the touch, even as he stood and began to walk into the garden.

Cautiously, she followed, looking at all there was to see. Adam watched as she observed everything, finding her surprisingly yet adorably expressive for a goat.

The tigress crossed their pass, yawning greatly as she did. The she-goat bleated in alarm and ran behind Adam's legs.

"Good afternoon, Nemera," Adam greeted wryly. "And here I thought you'd sleep the whole day away."

Nemera growled something in annoyance.

"I'd rather not," Adam said with a snort, patting the striped cat on the head. "Hey, have you seen a he-goat like this one?" he asked, pointing down to his new companion.

Nemera looked to the she-goat, who was barely peeking behind Adam's legs.

"Don't worry, she's grumpy, but she's a big softy under all that fuss," Adam promised with a grin.

Nemera ignored that, leaning down to sniff and nudge the she-goat, whose worry melted away slowly. Finally, the big cat looked up at the King of Eden with a meow.

"What do you mean she smells weird for a goat?"  Adam asked with a frown, taking a whiff of the air. "Actually, now that you mention it, you're right. She almost smells like...." Adam shook his head at that thought. "Probably just got into some of the bushes she liked."

Nemera growled contemplatively.

"I haven't named her yet. I figured I should find her mate before I did that," Adam explained. "Keep an eye out for him, okay?"

Nemera nodded as Adam turned to walk, but Nemera shot the she-goat a suspicious look, the creature oblivious to the feline's gaze.

Emboldened by the encounter with the tigress, the she-goat bound around and ahead of Ada, looking at everything and anything. From the fruits and the flowers to the berries and the bees, and even her reflection in a stream. The animals all greeted her warmly, even though most were confused by her presence.

None more so than some of the other goats, not expecting a new variant of their kind. Let alone that smelled so strange.

"Huh, still no sign of another one like you," Adam mused as they sat beneath the shades of a tree, the she-goat resting her head on his lap as he brushed his hand up and down her spine. "At least you seem to be enjoying Eden."

The she-goat beamed brightly.

"I  really do need something to call you. Maybe I should name you now?" he mused.

The she-goat looked up at him and started bleating. But she wasn't talking. It was like she was trying to, but stumbling over her words.

"You okay?" Adam asked in concern.

"Chaaaaaaa! Chaaaaa!"

Adam blinked. Her bleatings were turning into something else now? This was new.

"Chaaaaarlie! My. Name. Is. Charlie,"

"Well, I'll be skunked! Can you talk like me?" Adam asked in surprise. "I thought only some of the birds could do that. I never heard of a goat that could talk before."

"I'm noooot a goat," she answered apologetically. "Iiiiii turned into this and got stuuuuuck."

".....You're an angel," Adam said with a frown. Not that he had an issue with the angels, but the last time an angel snuck into Eden without permission, well.....that was how Adam ended up mateless. "What do you want? Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

"I'm sorry. I was just sooooo amazed by everything," Charlie answered, her ears folded back in apology. "And I.... don't speak goat verrrrry well."

Adam blinked. "Why didn't you just talk like this then?"

"I tried! But, it just came out with bleeeeeat. I only just figured out how to change my voice back," Charlie answered. "I'm really sorry. I just wanted to see the garden. I heard it was really beautiful and all the animals are nice in here."

"in here?" Adam questioned.

"Uh Huh. I've only seen the a-a-animals outside Eden, and a lot of them aren't nice," Charlie explained, gazing fondly around the forest. "It really is wonderful here. You must love it here."

"....I did," Adam admitted softly. "I still try to, but...."

Charlie looked up at him in concern. "Your eyes are lonely. I'm sorry. It's just, with all your friends...."

Adam smiled weakly. "I love it here, and all my friends. Both the beasts of Eden and the Angels in Heaven. But it's just.....hard being the only one."

"The only....ow," Charlie said softly, ears floating down. "I...heard things about that."

Things. What did that even mean? Adam couldn't even bother to care. "I'd rather not talk about it," he said as he pulled a peach off a low-hanging tree branch and started to eat it.

He was acutely aware of Charlie's stare at the fruit.

"What? You want one too?" Adam asked in amazement. Angels didn't need to eat and usually didn't, but Lucifer had enjoyed the taste of certain foods in the garden  Maybe this one would as well.

"Yes, please!" Charlie agreed, looking more like a dog or wolf than a goat with how she was acting. 

Adam chuckled and pulled one more from the tree and held out his hand for her to eat from.

Charlie awkwardly brought her front hooves up to "grasp" the fruit as best she could before beginning to bite into it. "It's delicious!" she said in delight as she feasted away.

Adam opened his mouth but stopped as Charlie began to shift, her form turning very human. Except she still had hooves for feet.

But that was entirely unimportant to Adam because he knew that white skin and those spotted cheeks.

"Oh, wow! I managed to change back by wanting hands. Ain't that neat, Adam?" Charlie asked, looking at the King of Eden. She recoiled at the sight of his glare. "What's wrong?"

"You," Adam hissed. "What are you doing back here?"

"Back?" Charlie repeated.

"Don't play dumb! What, you wanted to trick me again, Lucifer?" Adam accused harshly. "And what kind of sick joke is it that you made yourself look like Lilith?"

Charlie leaned back in surprise and sadness. "But! I'm not-"

"Just shut up and leave before I call the angels," Adam said as he stood up to leave.

"Wait, please just-" Charlie stood to go after him, but suddenly found her path blocked by a pair of growling bears.

She took a step back, looking around as she saw many birds and bears leering warningly at her, the once beautiful gentleness of Eden turned harsh in protection of its King. Even the plants and trees seemed less friendly somehow.

Desperate, she called out to Adam. "My name is Charlie!"

Adam stopped with a frown as he looked back at her.

"I'm not Lucifer. Or Lilith," Charlie said softly. "I'm Charlie."

"But you are of them."

The firm voice came over the area as they looked up and saw an angel appear. One with a sword at her hip, with hair and six wings as red as the crimson sunset.

"Uriel," Adam said in surprise. 

"Adam," she greeted with a nod, glaring at Charlie. "The Tigree told me there was a new creature that smelled of Lilith. I see Lucifer has furthered his blasphemy and sired an unnatural spawn with Lilith."

Charlie ducked her head under the intense stare and words.

"Wait," Adam said in shock. "You mean Lucifer and Lilith are her....?"

Charlie nodded, looking to the ground. "They're my parents."

Adam stared for a moment, his frown vanishing in surprise. Angels and humans could have children together?

That was something else that wasn't supposed to happen, by Uriel's words.

"They are no longer welcome in the Garden, why do you think you would be?" Uriel asked warningly.

"I didn't. Father said you all would be upset if I came. I just...Mother made it sound so amazing. I wanted to see it, just once," Charlie said softly. "I didn't mean to come this far. Adam found me, and he thought I was just a goat, and I couldn't change back or speak for a while, and then he thought I was my Dad trying to look like my Mom, and now you're here and you're mad and I'm really, really sorry," Charlie rambled on in one breath.

Uriel blinked at the rather long apology. Something Lucifer would be hard-pressed to offer in any form. "Regardless, I have already let Sera and the others know. We will need to decide what should be done about you."

"....Can I just go home? Please?" Charlie asked pleadingly.

"I'm afraid it is a bit too late for that, Child of Exiles."

Adam looked up as several more angels appeared. Sera, Michael, Gabriel, Raphael. All circled around Charlie, the animals making way for the angels.

"Adam, are you alright?" Sera asked in concern.

"I'm fine, just...." Adam trailed off uncertainty as he looked back at Charlie.

Charlie looked so worried and scared as the mighty angels looked down at her with troubled and uncertain looks.

Adam felt a pang in his heart. He had seen Lilith nervous and uncertain, but never outright afraid like this. Even when she had been....caught with Lucifer and exiled, she had seemed more shocked than fearful.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

None of this was supposed to happen.

But it had happened all the same.

"A child of a human and an angel. Father never intended for living flesh and angelic blood to mix, least of all so early in Creation," Raphael said with a frown.

"We should not be surprised Lucifer would go this far after everything else," Gabriel remarked with her arms crossed.

"What should we do about this?" Uriel asked curiously.

"Perhaps we should introduce ourselves before she starts to cry," Michael said in an easy tone as he crouched down to Charlie's level. "Hello. I'm Michael."

"H-Hello. You look like my father. But bigger," Charlie said, swallowing as she calmed herself. "Am....am I in trouble?"

"Maybe just a little bit," Michael answered with a smile. "Why are you here? Did Lucifer and Lilith tell you to sneak in here for something?"

"What? No. They told me to stay away. Father is really worried that you'll all be upset with me being here.....and, you are," Charlie said softly. "Mother  said I should stay away, but she said it was because you're all mad at both of them."

"That's one way of phrasing it," Gabriel said under her breath.

What had they even told her about what happened, Adam dared to wonder.

"I just wanted to see Eden once. Mother and Father made it sound amazing here. And it is! The animals are all nice and friendly, the food is all delicious, and it's all just so...peaceful. It's nothing like how the world outside is," Charlie mused.

"Ironic," Uriel said with a scoff. "Lilith was so eager to leave Eden, and her daughter so eager to see it."

Charlie looked unsure how to respond to that and just fell silent.

Adam stood silently as they talked as he watched Charlie and truly saw her. She was a perfect blend of Lucifer and Lilith and yet nothing like either of them in many ways. Lucifer was proud and showy, Lilith regal and ambitious. Charlie, in her own way, seemed to be humble and uncertain in most things. Yet she was energetic and happy. Lucifer's energy without his ego, Lilith's spirit without her stubbornness.

Raphael hummed. "It would seem to me that young Charlie has had no proper warning about if she is or is not allowed in the Garden."

"We couldn't exactly ban her if we didn't know she existed,” Gabriel pointed out.

"I believe that is what Rahphael is driving at," Michael said as he stood up. "Is she banned from Eden for being their child?"

"....Do I get a say in this?" Adam spoke up suddenly.

All eyes went to the first man. "Of course, Adam. You are the King of Eden, after all," Sera acknowledged curiously. "Would you permit her entry if the final say was left to you?"

Adam sighed heavily, rubbing a hand over his face in thought before looking back to Charlie, who was watching him with wide eyes, curious and hopeful. "I don't want Lucifer and Lilith here, obviously, but I don't....mind if she visits. If she doesn't sneak in anymore."

"Wait....I can come back?" Charlie asked in surprise.

Adam looked to the angels, who shared thoughtful looks, a silent conversation between them.

"Adam's decision is acceptable. Your parents are exiled, but their crimes are not your own," Michael said with a nod. "The next you return to Eden, merely wait at the entrance, and  you will be welcomed within."

Charlie seemed to buzz with excitement, eyes shining before she looked at Adam.

The next thing anyone knew, Charlie had changed into a wolf the size of a horse and ran at Adam, tackling him and nuzzling him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Adam grunted as he landed on his rear while the hound huggled him. "Charlie? You're a dog now."

"....oh," Charlie said as she stopped.

"You're stuck again, aren't you? "Adam asked expectantly.

"I've never been a wolf before!" Charlie answered in a whine.

Adam sighed and patted her on the back. What a strange and unlikely friend he had made.

Sera hummed as she observed the pair.

Perhaps the "Rib Plan" should be put on hold, to see how this developed.

This wasn't supposed to happen, true, but that didn't mean it was bad or unwelcome.

Notes:

Here’s my contribution to the Chadam/GuitarPrincess week. Charlie is born in the Edenic age before Eve was made. Adam is depressed about being “mateless” and Charlie wanted to see Eden since it is like nothing in the rest of the world. And the angels, yes, are wondering if Charlie might be the solution to Adam’s “mateless” situation. After all, it’d be fitting, for Lilith’s daughter to take her place as the Mother of Humanity.

Chapter 50: Into the Pilotverse

Into the Pilotverse AKA Adam dies and wakes up back at his first meeting with Charlie...but in the Pilot Timeline 

"Sir! Stay with me, Sir! ADAM!"

Lute's desperate voice sounded so far away, even as she was right before him.

His vision swam and darkened.

The world faded away for a moment.

How good it was to rest….

"Sir? Sir? You need to wake up, Sir."

"Hmm? Lute?" Adam said groggily as he slowly awoke. He was sitting in a chair, his head resting on a table. "What happened?"

"You fell asleep before the meeting, Sir," Lute answered simply.

That couldn't be right. Wasn't he fighting with Lucifer? And his brat? And...

Adam blinked as he raised his head and finally looked at Lute. "...When did you grow your hair out?" he asked confusedly.

The long-haired Lute had a dry smirk. "Ask me again when you're actually awake, Sir."

Adam furrowed his brow, raising a hand to run a hand over his head. Something felt...different about all this. Even himself. He felt…better? More rested than he had in a long time, like his shoulders were lighter.

Including his helm, or lack thereof, because he felt his hair.

Adam pulled his hand back in surprise and saw that it wasn't his normal hand. It was larger, with talon-like digits that were the black bird-ish limb faded to a steely color. 

He snapped his finger, conjuring a mirror in front of him.

What stared back was a majestic creature, a humanoid cross between an owl and a dragon. But despite the horns on his head, there was nothing demonic about this visage. The feathers were golden with a white robe over his torso while the beard and mustache about his dark face gave him an older and wizened impression that reminded him of his old years on Earth. And his neck was definitely longer!

This was him?

Yes, it was.

It felt right and yet off at the same time. As if this was himself, but not the same version of himself.

'"Is everything okay, Sir?" Lute asked in concern.

"Yes, yes, I just thought I had something on my horns," he answered idly. It was only now he realized his voice sounded older and deeper.

He hated lying, but he didn't want to alarm her. What was going on? This wasn't the angelic body he remembered, and yet at the same time, it felt like it was. The dichotomy of what he felt and what he knew only furthered his bewilderment.

Just like Lute having long hair felt both right and wrong at the same time.

"Sir, she is here," Lute informed quickly.

Adam narrowed his eyes as he dismissed the mirror and truly took stock of where he was.

He was in the Heavenly Embassy, in a meeting room.

Lute said "she" was here. Not he or they, her.

He had a feeling he knew exactly who he was going to meet for the first time. Again.

"Let her in," Adam responded before he could even think to say anything else. His body felt like it was on autopilot when he didn't know what to do!

Adam felt himself drawn back to the scene before him, the door opening to reveal one Charlie Morningstar.

And yet, even she seemed a little different. Was that the same shirt? Was her hair different? 

"Hello?" she greeted, awkward but polite as she walked in with a folder under her arm. "At the risk of sounding stupid, this is the Post-Extermination meeting?"

"Unless it is supposed to be next year's Pre-Extermination meeting," he answered rhetorically. "By your looks, I must presume you to be one Charlotte "Charlie" Morningstar, the Princess of Hell."

It wasn't a question, but Charlie nodded all the same as she approached, reaching out her hand. "And you must be the Leader of the Exorcists," she greeted warmly.

Adam raised an eyebrow at the limb while Lute scowled. "There is more than one saying about shaking hands with the devil," Adam remarked pointedly. Nonetheless, he stood up and shook her hand. Lute seemed a bit annoyed but remained silent.

Oh, he was actually here in person this time and not astral projecting.

Also, he was still pretty damn tall, maybe even taller than he had been. Yes!

"Tell me, why has Lucifer dropped this meeting at your feet?" Adam asked as they sat down.

"Oh, I'm sure he's busy with something as King of Hell. You know how chaotic things can be down here," Charlie answered with a strained smile.

She had no idea, obviously.

"So, may I ask what goes into a Post-Extermination meeting?" Charlie asked, curious while trying to hide how morid she found the subject.

"The name is a bit of a misnomer. We lump any and all matters into this meeting that we feel need Lucifer to address. Whether he will or won't is an entirely different matter," Adam said with a snort.

This...was different, just a bit. Post E-Day meetings rarely had anything else to them than to confirm that yes, E-Day happened and yes, they avoided the Hellborn to the best of their abilities. Here, enjoy the scoreboard.

"Oh, okay," Charlie said, nodding to him as she took a seat.

Lute took over with a scowl placing several documents in front of Charlie "There is the count of sinners purged in the exterminations, along with several Overlords that were confirmed to be slain."

Charlie read over the numbers grimly. "So many...." she whispered unintentionally.

"There is, as always, the matter of cultists on Earth summoning Ars Goetia and various other demons with varying success," Lute continued. "And while there is no account of Succubi or Incubi killing anyone by overfeeding as of late, there have been sightings of a group of Imps on earth that have been involved in the death of several humans."

"They only went under the radar for so long because most of their victims went to Hell until recently," Adam remarked with a narrowed, dangerous gaze. "That situation will be resolved soon, by Hell's hands or Heaven's."

Adam felt like he was about to breathe holy fire. Could he breathe holy fire? That would be awesome if he could.

Charlie nodded quickly. "Yes, of course, I'll make sure it's looked into, I promise."

Adam wondered if she knew how little her word meant to him currently. "This is normally the part where your Father drags out the meeting for his own amusement," Adam remarked in a bored tone.

"Oh! I'm....sorry about that? And I don't plan to, but there was something I was hoping to discuss with you, while you're still here?" Charlie asked hopefully.

Adam scowled pointedly. "And what would the Daughter of Lilith want to discuss with the Father of Humanity?"

"Father of....?" Charlie trailed off in shock. "You're Adam? The Adam?"

"The Adam indeed," Adam said proudly as he raised his long neck just a bit more. "I see Lucifer failed to mention even that much."

Charlie fell silent at that, staring at him as if he were some foreign entity. "I'm...sorry, I just always imagined you'd look more-?"

"Human?" Adam offered, chuckling to himself. "That much I will forgive. I am rather private about my human form. My foolish descendants make such a big deal about what race I am most similar to in appearance."

That wasn't the main reason Adam had worn his mask before, but it definitely was a nice damn bonus. 

"Ahh, I can see why that might bother you," Charlie said before taking a deep breath. "...Adam? I acknowledge there is a lot of bad history between you and my family. Biblical in the most literal sense," Charlie weakly joked, gauging his reaction, but he gave her none. "I can't apologize for what my parents did to you."

....What did she just say? Did Princess "Don't hurt the innocent sinners" just admit that her fuck-up of parents did something wrong back in Eden?

"I'm not them, and I wasn't there. I can't pretend to know what really happened. All I know is, even if my parents had good intentions once...." Charlie had a bitter smile. "That still all led to here."

That....okay, that was a better and more open-minded statement than he ever expected from her. "I half expected you to take their side from the start, to dub me the villain in their tragic tale of forbidden love and rebellion," Adam said with derision, resting his head in his hand to feign disinterest.

Charlie sighed deeply. "Nothing you could have done, much less as a newly made human, could have warranted what happened."

Adam shared a curious look with Lute as they regarded the Princess cautiously. "You are a surprising one, Princess Charlie. But now you have my attention. What could possibly make you feel the need to say all that, before revealing what you wish to discuss?"

Charlie seemed to steel herself as she gestured to the folder, a smile coming to her face hesitantly. "It's a project I've been working on, something I hope will one day make the Exterminations unnecessary."

Adam felt like he already knew what it was, but took the folder anyway with an intrigued look, flipping it open. Taped to the folder was the photo of a building with a sign above that read "Hazbin Hotel." He scanned through the first paper and found it was just what he expected. "You are trying to redeem sinners with a hotel?"

"What?" Lute deadpanned.

Charlie nodded enthusiastically. "I know sinners can be.....terrible, some more so than others. But I believe that sinners can change to be better and atone for what they've done! That maybe, just maybe, they can still be worthy of Heaven."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Lute said coldly, making Charlie wince.

But the Princess didn't say anything, waiting intently to hear Adam's opinion.

It was exactly what he expected, from his...dream? Vision? Other life? Whatever, it was the same idea. And yet, the package, the delivery was different. This Charlie Morningstar at least had the illusion that she knew what she was doing, and was presenting it hopefully rather than insisting on it. Not to mention, tactfully.

"Why Hazbin?" Adam asked as he went through the papers. She had gone through a lot of work, trying to present her lack of evidence as positively as possible. 

"Oh. It was going to be the Happy Hotel, but when someone renovated it for me and, well, the renovator in question thought it was a better name," Charlie answered carefully.

"For you," Adma remarked. "You didn't have it renovated, someone did it for you. Why did you need that to begin with? Can the Princess of Hell not afford such things herself?"

Charlie swallowed. "Dad doesn't....really believe in this. He bought me the Hotel, but that was all he was willing to do for me," Charlie answered, rubbing the back of her neck.

What a lost child she was. Lucifer and Lilith had failed to cultivate her cleverness and intrigue, for some reason.

"And you have all of one patron staying there," Adam continued. "And your plan to make this work seems to amount to group activities vaguely themed about improving themselves as people, but...."

"But?" Charlie inquired with some dread in her vice.

"You have no idea what you're doing, trying to teach them to be good, do you?" Adam asked bluntly.

Charlie's silence was answer enough.

"The blind leading the blind," Lute said derisively.

"Look, I know that's all...very true, but that's why I'm here!" Charlie answered honestly. "I was hoping for some...heavenly guidance, shall we say?"

"You want Heaven to help you redeem sinners?" Lute asked with a frown.

"I know from experience that I can't trust any of the psychiatrists down here!" Charlie explained with a hint of frustration. "So...yes, I don't know how to redeem a soul. And as far as I know, it's never happened before?"

"Never," Adam answered flatly. "And why do you think you can break that streak?"

"Because I don't think anyone has really, truly tried? Or been given a chance to try?" Charlie answered, glancing to the side. "Hell....encourages the worst in people. It's hard to try to be a good person down here. And I just want to...give sinners a space where I can let and motivate them to become better and-"

Charlie paused as Adam held up a crayon drawing b of what looked like an angel and demon holding hands under a rainbow and a smiling sun. "Is this yours?" Adam asked neutrally.

Charlie cringed in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I...drew that when I was younger, and it must have slipped in."

"....You've been thinking about this since you were young?" Adam asked with a furrowed brow. "Why would a Princess of Hell care about mere sinners?"

"I mean.....they're my people?" Charlie pointed out in confusion. "Isn't that what a princess should do?"

Adam hummed.

Lute tilted her head. "I would think the Hellborn to be your people. Why concern yourself with the scum held on Pride when you have six other rings of hellborn subjects?"

"....I'm half human," Charlie reminded before looking confused. "Half former-human? Half whatever my mom technically is. And I get it, I know I'm not...from you, obviously. But ever since I was little, I saw the slaughter happening outside each year......I wanted to find a way to help. To lessen the suffering in Hell, if only a little bit at a time."

Adam placed his talons together in thought.

Charlie bit her lip. "I...shouldn't ask, but.....why you?"

Adam glared at the table and clenched his hands together. "Would you believe it if I saw this as a mercy once? Putting them to rest instead of suffering in this pit?"

"Yes," Charlie answered without hesitation. "But is it still?"

"No," Adam said with a scowl. "My bloodline continues to do amazing things, but so too grows the depth of the depravity, the wickedness they are capable of. The tortures, the rapes, the slaughters. I am all too happy to make the worst of souls suffer the fear they would inflict on the innocent."

"But not all of them are like that!" Charlie said urgently. "Yes, some of them are so far gone, I don't think I can save them. Because I don't think they'd ever WANT to be saved. But I want to be that one last chance any of them might ever have in all of Creation."

"And what gives you the right to think you can be this savior!?" Adam snapped as he stood up, his wings spread wide as Charlie recoiled back in her chair. "What right do you have to say that their sins on Earth do not matter?! that they can go to Heaven despite the Judgement that landed them here!?"

Charlie froze before slowly speaking. "I'm not trying to be a savior, or say what they did doesn't matter. I'm just....trying to help."

Adam's wings slowly fell down as he studied her. This was not the Charlie Morningstar he remembered. Then again, he wasn't exactly the same Adam, by the feels of it. "I will consider it."

Charlie breathed in relief. "Thank you."

"I didn't say yes," Adam reminded firmly.

Charlie gave a weak smile. "It's more than I usually get."

He stared at her, the implications of what she was saying sinking in. If he took her at her word, she was a lone voice trying to speak of good news and salvation in Hell. Unhelped and unsupported by friends and families, not even her infernal parents.

"I will inform you if anything will be done on our part," Adam said as he stepped away, giving her one last look. "Tread carefully, Princess of Hell. Your  family has ill fortune with such dreams."

"....I know," Charlie agreed softly.

Adam hummed as he waved his hand and opened a port to Heaven, leaving the Princess alone.

"What nonsense," Lute said with a scowl as the portal closed behind them.

Ada held up his hand, the crayon drawing still in his grasp.

".....Sir?" Lute asked in surprise.

"Nonsense indeed," Adam remarked.

Everything was different. But the last time he tried to nuke this idea, it didn't go so well. Perhaps he should try it a different way.

After he figured out what else was different about this universe.

 

Notes:

Right, so, this is me chucking Adam from his S1 Death into some version of himself from my take on the Pilotverse. A fun little idea I had among the other Adam fans on the discord. Where Adam is some golden owl-dragon thing that is probably highly attractive to members of the Ars Goetia. Based on the image above, obviously

But yes, this is also the meeting with a more Pilot-Charlie. The one who, despite her hopes and dreams, knows that Hell and all sinners are colossal fuckcases that need a lot of work. She’s a lot more polite and diplomatic, while also having her insecurity issues.

Might make a full fic of this cause I’d like to explore my take on my Pilotverse more. Also, this means Vaggie is a moth-sinner and Lucifer is, well, he’s part of Charlie’s insecurity issues. Among other things.

Hope you all enjoyed this! Feel free to share your ideas about what Adam might discover in this Pilotverse.

Chapter 51: Venom of God

The Venom of God AKA After Lucifer arrives, Adam is saved by….Lucifer?

The fight had gone from a struggle to a beatdown. Ten thousand years hadn't changed the simple fact that Lucifer was a Seraphim and Adam wasn't.

"You're in my house now, BITCH!" Lucifer declared as he continued to pummel the overwhelmed First Man.

Or he did until he realized that he was punching the ground now instead of Adam.

He hadn't destroyed the corpse, right? Surely his strikes hadn't been that powerful.

The Devil looked up and saw that Adam had been suddenly moved out of range from his attacks. He was standing hunched over, his expression pained and confused, as he was held up by...

Another Lucifer?

"The hell...?" Lucifer said in confusion as he stood up with a furrowed brow.

Oh, it was himself, alright. But something seemed...different. His eyes were a cold blue, but there were many more subtle differences. There was no apple or snake motif to his attire. The underside of his wings were not the crimson he had known since Hell, but azure stained with black tips. Most importantly, a halo floated above his head. It barely glowed, but it was there and it was holy.

Needless to say, everyone was shocked.

"Who...?" Vaggie whispered in alarm. Regardless of appearance, this angel had six wings and that could only spell trouble.

"Is this a trick..?" Lute asked in bewilderment.

"What? Dad, how is....?" Charlie asked, not comprehending what she was seeing. Was this another angel that just happened to look like her father? But no, something about that felt wrong. It definitely seemed like her father, just....different. But how could there be two of him?

Lucifer narrowed his eyes into a glare. This angel, this seraphim seemed almost like himself before the fall, but....decided not. He never had a look that chilly gaze, those black marks in his wings, or a scowl that harsh. What was this? Who was this?

Adam coughed as he glared weakly at the newcomer with unfocused eyes. "Who the fuck are-" he stopped as he saw the answer. "Samael?"

Lucifer stiffened at the use of THAT name. His old name, stripped from him and rendered as poison.

Samael smiled genuinely but he never took his eyes off his counterpart. "Seems you're in a bit of a bind, Adam," he said as if they were old friends without ten thousand years of bad memories between them.

"....Who the fuck gave you your name back...?" Adam asked with a scowl.

"Ahh. I see," Samael said with a sigh. "I figured I was a bit far from home. But to answer your question? You did."

Adam furrowed his brow. Never in all these thousands of years would he of all people do that. To do so would be to forgive Lucifer for...everything. Everything he did, everything he tried to do, and everything that came about because of him.

But yet the name Samael was plain to his eyes.

Samael, the Lightbringer once more.

"Sorry, I'm flattered and all by the imitation, but who are you? And why are you interrupting us?" Lucifer asked with a frown.

"Oh, I'm nobody important. Just a friend of his. We go way back," Samael answered, his smile turning empty before speaking to Adam. "Can you stand? Fly?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Adam said gruffly as he pulled himself off the.....Not-Devil? Redeemed-Devil? This was confusing.

"Dad, what is going on?" Charlie asked in bewilderment. "Is that...one of the other archangels? Why does he sound and look just like you?"

"Charlotte."

Charlie winced at her name being said so frigidly in her father's voice. She turned to Samael again and found his disappointed eyes on her.

"I didn't think any version of my firstborn would stoop to this," Samael said, somewhere between displeased and dismayed.

His choice of words rang in the air not just for Lucifer or Adam, but Charlie.

“Firstborn?” Charlie had a look of confusion at the implications.

Samael looked disgusted as he allowed his gaze to shift to the battlefield around them, many of the angels fighting off cannibals that were trying to eat them and their comrades, dead or alive. "Seriously? Of all the demons you could call upon, you picked these cannibals? You shame yourself, Charlotte.” 

Charlie winced, unable to rebuke the words. She had never heard her father sound so cold and reprimanding to her before.

Lucifer glared at his doppelganger, having had enough of this. "Don't you dare talk to my daughter- what are you doing?" Lucifer asked as Samael raised a hand.

With a scowl, the Venom of God snapped his fingers.

In a flash, the army of cannibals were scorched by a light so bright, they were turned into ash.

"Get down!" Husk yelled as he pushed Cherri and Angel Dust behind some rubble.

"Husk! No!" Angle Dust yelled as he reached out for the former Overlord.

But Husk didn't make it, and he knew he wouldn't as he felt the end coming an instant before it did.

He fell away as ashes in the breeze, right before Angel Dust's very eyes.

"....Husk....?" he whispered numbly, staring at the pile of ashes, his own fingertips merely singed by the attack.

“No!” Charlie screamed in horror and sorrow as she saw her allies and friend turn to ash, by the likeness of her father no less. All of the angels ceased their fighting, untouched by the holy power. If they had not noticed the newcomer before, they did now.

His daughter's heartbroken cry roused his wrath, Lucifer shot forward to attack this “imposter” with a roar. "You bastard!" 

"Lute, take Adam and get clear!" Samael called out quickly before he rushed forward

Despite everything, Lute flew to Adam's side while Lucifer ignored them both in favor of his target.

But he was stopped dead in his tracks by Samael, who grabbed him by the wrists. There was a shockwave in the air, and the ground cracked under Samael, but he did not budge an inch.

"What?" Lucifer said in shock as he was slowly pushed back and down, held in place as he struggled to get out of his alternative’s grip. “But....how!?”

Samale used the moment to overcome him, cratering his other self to his knees with a vicious grin.

"Sir, what the fuck is going on and what should we do!?" Lute asked urgently.

"....Stand down," Adam answered after a moment, standing on his own now.

"What?!" Lute exclaimed. She wasn't the only one taken aback, many of the exorcists looked at him in confusion. "Sir, why would-?!" Lute stopped as Adam gave her a pointed look.

"I'm not missing this for the end of the world, Lute. Just call all of the girls back and let's see how this plays out," Adam ordered sternly, crossing his arms and ignoring any pain he felt from the beating.

Lute calmed, if only because Adam was as well. A strange thing in itself, making it all the more important to listen. "As you say, Sir."

"Also, the FUCK happened to your damn arm?!"

"Fun fact?" Samale said as he stood over Lucifer. "I spent plenty of time practicing with Michael after we patched things up."

Lucifer blinked. Michael? Patched things up? What lunacy was he speaking?

Samael continued mercilessly. "Who have you been practicing with? The Sins? The Overlords? No one at all?"

As he gritted his demonic teeth, Lucifer couldn't help thinking about that. When was the last time he cut loose, actually fought someone to stretch his wings and power before today? He couldn't recall, and that was answer enough.

Samael kicked the enraged Lucifer to the ground, and into the dirt. “You must’ve never learned from our mistakes, Lucifer. Truly and utterly pathetic.” 

"Who the fuck are you, really....?" Lucifer growled up at the look-alike.

"I'm you, but better," Samael answered cheekily before looking exasperated. "I guess this is what I get for letting that fish sinner play around with things he shouldn't."

"....What?" Lucifer asked blankly.

Samael sighed. "I'm you, from another world. Another timeline, rather."

"Another timeline? What are you baffling about?" Lucifer asked in bewilderment.

"Multiverse. Trust me, I was as surprised as you," Samael summarized before he leaned down. "You know, I can already tell the changes. The difference between us, between Lucifer and Samael? Humility. I got on my knees and begged for forgiveness after I finally accepted the pain the apple caused. Pain not just for humanity, but for everyone else. You? I can see it. You just wallowed in self-pity as your great plans fell apart before your eyes."

Charlie was still stunned as she tried to process everything. There were two of her dad, Husk was dead, and now something about a multiverse? Her head swam and she barely noticed Vaggie flying over to her. "Charlie! Snap out of it! We shouldn't be so close to a fight like this," Vaggie warned in concern.

Charlie looked at her. "Vaggie, do you know anything about....?"

"I'm as lost as you," Vaggie admitted with a frown. "But if that is a version of your Dad that is on Adam's side..."

She left the unpleasant implications unsaid.

"Oh. I see," Lucifer said with a grinning snarl as he rose, flames leaping from his breath. Regardless of who or what this was, Lucifer was still a Seraphim and the Devil was not so easily subdued. "You're some broken version of me that went crawling back to the others and gave up on everything! A coward that threw away everything we built!"

"You've built nothing, save a monument to ruin and suffering!" Samael yelled back as they charged at each other.

With that, the Lightbringer and the Morningstar began to trade blows. The ground quaked with every strike, the air vibrating with shockwaves.

“Holy Shit! Kick his ass, Samael!” Adam smiles as he looks upon the thing he’s been dreaming of for centuries. Lucifer getting humbled. He just never imagined it'd be by another Lucifer.

"I bet Lilith couldn't stand to look at you, couldn't wait to leave you after you gave up!" Lucifer ranted with a fiery growl.

Samael snarled at that taunt, his face contorting into something more devilish as he slammed his head into Lucifer's, making the Devil grit his teeth in pain. "You arrogant prick! I begged FOR Lilith! I begged them to help Lilith when our children kept dying! I begged them to help us bring peace to Hell! And they did! All of them! Adam, Eve, Sera, Micheal, Raphael, Gabriel, everyone!"

"You're lying! And what a pathetic lie! They would never help me again! They would never give us a chance!" Lucifer retorted hotly, firmly, refusing to even contemplate that impossible idea.

Samale landed a blow to the chest, sending Lucifer skidding back as the battle paused with heavy tension.

"...I forgot how good I was at lying to myself," Samael said in pity.

Lucifer glared as Samael raised a hand covered in flames that were dark yet holy. The Flames of the Venom of God.

"STOP IT!" Charlie exclaimed as she ran forward and pointed her trident in Samael's direction. "You can't be my father! My father wouldn't say such things, let alone ever side with that cruel pig that tried to control Mom!"

So invested in what he was witnessing, Adam made no remark against that, watching keenly as he committed everything to memory.

Samael stared at her for a moment before sighing. "....We really did feed each other's worst perceptions of things," Samael muttered as he lowered his attack, his stance still guarded as he looked to Lucifer and then back to Charlie. "Now, what was this all really about....?"

His eyes flashed and Charlie was frozen in place.

"Charlie?!" Vaggie called out in alarm as she rushed to her side.

"Wait, don't you fucking dare-!" Lucifer yelled, but it was too late.

Charlie fell to her knees as Vaggie held her. The princess stared up at nothing, her eyes lost and distant.

"Redemption? You haven't even found that yet?" Samael muttered in disdain to Lucifer who only had eyes on his daughter.

“D-dad? Wh-why-“ Charlie choked out, tears falling down her cheeks as she looked at her father in horror. Her mind flooded with the memories of a better Hell.

“What did you do to her!?” Lucifer yelled as he let his full demonic form out.

“I looked into her past and showed her my own. All the horrible mistakes I made until I finally swallowed my pride and reached out to those I deluded into thinking were always my enemy and not the family I had wronged," Samael answered solemnly. "How, once I earned forgiveness, I was able to turn Hell into a place much better than this shithole! Cause Lilith and I didn’t let our Pride get in our way anymore. The misguided are taught to be better and the monsters get punished, be they sinners or hellborn. Because we are both the rulers of Hell and its warden. We proved ourselves to everyone. Something you clearly haven’t done.”

“BULLSHIT!” Lucifer charged at Samael with blinding speed but let out a scream as Samael dodged and cut off a wing with a hand covered in his dark flames. 

“I just can’t understand how you can be so stupid though. From what I can tell, this has gotta be the twenty-first century. Redemption has been around for thousands of years in my universe," Samael remarked in disappointment.

“Redemption is possible?” Adam looked utterly baffled at this revelation. He had given up all hope after the Elders insisted redemption was impossible and none crawled out of the pit in all the years of Creation.

Samael looked to Adam with an assuring smile but said nothing more for now.

With him briefly distracted, Lucifer tackled Samael and started throwing punches wildly at the Seraph. Samael expected as much, holding up his arms to block most of the hits.

Charlie, meanwhile, was clutching her head as the images of That Other Hell haunted....no, taunted her mind. Memories of many siblings, of an Uncle Adam and Aunt Eve, of a Pride Ring filled with not only those trying to better themselves but Hellborns of all walks of life. Even a few angels came down to help. It wasn't perfect. There were still horrible sinners and terrible demons. But it was better, painfully better. Exterminations were targeted manhunts, not indiscriminate slaughters.

She even saw herself. Not a Princess trying to chase a seemingly hopeless dream that everyone mocked, but a wise woman who knew what she was doing and never had to fear seeing her people savaged by the Exorcists. Whose first meeting with Adam and Eve had been one with stars in her eyes, how she and Adam became a duo of troublemakers, how her parents were still hopelessly in love with one another.

It was too much...Too good to be true.

"Charlie, Charlie! Snap out of it! We need to get away from here!" Vaggie called as she felt the shockwaves of the blows.

Charlie numbly looked at Vaggie. Someone that didn't exist in the memories she saw. So, this wasn't her imagination. "....You're still here," she said numbly with teary eyes.

“Of course, mi amor” Vaggie tilts Charlie’s head up to look into her eyes. She didn't know what Samael had shown Charlie and she didn't care. She just had to protect Charlie “I’ll always be here for you, Charlie. But we need to get out of here, make sure the others are safe.”

Charlie nodded weakly and allowed her girlfriend to pull her to safety. She looked back numbly as Samael and Lucifer duked it out. Two versions of her father, one from a better world. Naturally, she hoped for her father, the one she knows and loves, to win or at least not get too hurt. But there is a small part of her that she could never openly acknowledge. A part that wanted Samael to win. So that she might see her Hell become more like Samael's.

The Lightbringer used his wings to push the Morningstar off him and they both began to shape-shift into gigantic serpents. But whereas Lucifer's scales were all white as bone, Samael's scales were pitch black with shining white trims to them. Both snakes hissed and circled each other as they struck and snapped at one another, angelic power blazing off their forms to remind all that they were indeed two Seraphims, two of the great Burning Ones from the dawn of Creation itself.

"You are a waste, a dirt-loving fool!” Lucifer breathed fire at his variant, who easily matched it with his own blue fire.

The huge serpents fought intensely as they struggled for dominance, trying to wrap and restrain the other into submission.

“You sure do love insulting Adam on his creation. Considering who your wife is…oh wait.” Samael laughs mockingly as Lucifer charges forward in pure rage. Allowing Samael to capitalize on the moment of vulnerability and encircle Lucifer, pinning him in place.

“Let me go! I’ll kill you! You dare insult me, my wife, my daughter?! In my house!?" Lucifer snarled, his form becoming more and more a beast of pure hellish flames.

“You wanna know a secret?” Samael taunted, leaning down to Lucifer’s ear holes. His next words were whispered, but they were like a punch to the gut for the fallen angel. "Charlie knows."

Lucifer stilled in horror, hoping against hope he was wrong. "Knows....Knows what? What did you do?"

Samael had a cruel smile befitting a devil, former or otherwise. "Raphael helped cure Lilith of the damage to her womb, caused by the fall. So...we didn't have to resort to what you did to have a child survive being born in Hell."

Lucifer's eyes widened. "You saw....?"

"Don't worry. Her compassion for sinners is natural, as I'm sure you wondered. It has nothing to do with all the souls you tore apart to sustain her, to keep her alive as you fed them to her," Samael said venomously.

"....I made their worthless souls useful. Adam was going to butcher them anyway," Lucifer justified with gritted teeth.

"And now, Charlie knows. She might not have realized it yet. But soon all those memories will sort themselves out, and she's going to remember it rather....vividly. The memory of you feeding souls to her. How many did she devour from your hands? Thousands? Tens of thousands? More, perhaps?"

Lucifer's eyes trembled and glared. "You....!"

Samael delivered his final punishment upon Lucifer. "Even if you leave here alive, even if you somehow defeat me? Your daughter will know what you did and she will NEVER forgive you."

Adam watched the battle go on, torn between satisfaction and grimness. Redemption was possible, Lucifer and Lilith were just extra fuck ups in this timeline. And Charlie Morningstar truly did care. She probably had nothing to do with the dead exorcist that started all of this. He allowed his eyes to look toward where he saw the Princess running away with Vaggie.

Her crimson eyes met his golden ones.

He turned back to the fight.

Regardless of how this ended, this would be a huge mess to clean up.

...But it'd be nice to know it finally could be cleaned up at all.

Notes:

Well, there’s that. This was actually written by both me and “Michael_Afton_The_Menace” on the Adam Discord a while back. Just a little one-shot showing a parallel version of Lucifer meeting canon.

If this other Lucifer, aka Samael, seems familiar? That is because he’s based on the Lucifer from Oneshot 14, “A Kindness for Hell.” Needless to say, he’s disappointed in how this timeline turned out, and being able to attack the version of himself that didn’t repent is kind of cathartic for him.

And yeah, went with the idea that in order to make sure Charlie didn’t die in childbirth, Lucifer fed her the souls of sinners to sustain her. Which would be horrifying for her to find out. Meanwhile, Adam is both enjoying the fight while also processing that redemption is supposedly real. Oh, right, and Husk died. Left it up in the air for now if he got redeemed for that self-sacrifice move.

Hope you all enjoyed this!

Chapter 52: Baby From Hell

Baby from Hell AKA Adam has to watch a Baby Charlie. 

Adam wasn't surprised that the child of Lucifer and Lilith could cause the end of the world.

He didn't expect it to be through no fault of her own.

Or her to still be a toddler, for that matter!

"So let me get this fuckery straight," Adam said, rubbing his forehead through his mask. "Some of the demon-summoning shitstains on earth are being their normal dumb selves and found a way to summon the crotch-spawn of the Ls. And this particular group of nuts was actually going to use a ritual to jump-start the end times. Which would either kill the brat or leave her a mindless, raging monster-baby."

"This is a fairly concise summary, Grandfather," Metatron answered calmly. "As part of the various clauses in the treaty, the cultists are fair game for demons and angels if they actually summon a demon. Luckily, Lilith and Lucifer arrived before the cultists could do more than summon her."

"Luckily. Never thought we'd say that about the Ls being on Earth, but here we are," Adam murmured with a headshake.

"For now, both sides have agreed to keep the child in Heaven. She cannot be summoned from here and thus safe while her parents deal with any who tries to summon her until some protections are erected to prevent this from occurring again," Metatron finished.

"Yeah, I get all that well and fucking good, but WHY am I the shithead that is stuck with the damn brat!?" Adam asked, pointing accusingly down at the red-eyed, clown-cheeked baby in a baby carrier. She looked on innocently while drinking from a sippy cup in the shape of a duck's head.

"We deemed you the best suited for taking care of a child that may or may not reveal extreme demonic powers without harming her," Metatron responded calmly, giving Charlie a strange look. "That said, she has been quite passive since her parents placed her in our custody."

"Right, let's see if that lasts," Adam grumbled before sighing. "Fine, I'll watch the hellbaby. But I take no responsibility if she starts teleporting or turning invisible!"

"Duly noted, Grandfather," Metaron said with a smile.

"So they send anything? Like a list of allergies or something?" Adam asked expectantly.

"Lilith sent this with her," Metatron said, motioning to the bag next to Charlie. "It's full of toys, supplies, and some peach-flavored baby food that she requests Charlie be fed every night. Apparently, it soothes her belly."

"As long as its not fucking apples," Adam muttered as he picked the bag up and slung it over his shoulder. "So, as much as I hate the idea of them coming up here, why the fuck aren't one of her parents doing this?"

"I believe that they were under the misconception that someone on the Seraphim council would take on the responsibility, such as Sera or Michael," Metatron answered slyly.

"....They have no damn idea I'm taking care of their kid," Adam realized with a smirk. "You brat, you just wanted to see the look on their faces when they realize that."

"Perhaps," Metatron said with a grin.

Adam chuckled. "Okay, Kiddo, I'll take it from here."

"Good luck, Old Timer," Metatron said with a smile as he teleported away.

"Ahh, I will never stop being proud of little Enoch becoming a Seraphim," Adam said nostalgically before looking down at the toddler given into his care.

Charlie looked up at him with shining ruby eyes that would have charmed the unprepared with ease.

"Don't think you can fool me. I've seen all the adorable acts, and I'm fully expecting you to be a demonic little gremlin," Adam said firmly as he picked up the carrier and brought the baby inside his house.

He threw the baby bag on the couch as he sat down and removed the baby from her carrier.

Charlie stared curiously at the new person before her, but didn't cry or fuss. She reached out her free hand towards him, the other still holding the duck cup.

"Yes, hello," Adam said neutrally, taking her in. Lucifer's skin and spots, but that short hair was definitely more Lilith than Lucifer. She'd probably look like some mixture of the two when she grew up. He only now noticed the red onesie she was wearing and the little golden apple sewn over her heart. "I don't know how old you are or, more importantly, how fast you age. But, you're definitely in the crawling stage," he remarked, lowering her down so her feet were on his legs. "But you haven't figured out walking yet."

Charlie tilted her head at him, then burst into a peal of laughter when the tip of one of Adam's wings came up to tickle her in the side.

"Huh. Got most of your baby teeth. Guess those come in faster for you? Bet that must have been a pain," Adam mused as he sat her down next to him, leaning against the couch. "Now sit here while I look through what your folks sent with you."

Charlie watched as Adam rummaged through the bag while occasionally pulling items out.

"The peach food, some more onesies, soap for babies, bottles, juice," Adam paused and glanced at Charlie. He was somewhat surprised she hadn't moved and just continued to watch him. "I'm tempted to let you try some of the stuff up here, but I don't know if hell-babies can tolerate heavenly baby food."

Charlie then crawled over his lap, and Adam watched curiously as she came over to pat a side compartment of the bag repeatedly.

"Hmm?" Adam raised an eyebrow as he opened it. "Diapers?" he realized, before looking at Charlie in suspicion. "...Wait, do you need a change?"

The little princess nodded twice.

"....Alright then, just hold one of these while I look for the wipes," Adam said as he handed the diaper to Charlie, who grabbed it while Adam went looking for more. "Come on, Lilith! Put the damn wipes and diapers in the same spot!"

Charlie squirmed uncomfortably in her mess but didn't cry.

"...Wait, I'm being an idiot," Adam said with a frown as he checked the compartment on the opposite side. "Okay, that at least makes some sense."

One diaper change later and Adam held up the dirty diaper with a disgusted look. "Okay, your poo smells like straight Hellfire, but I think that's fucking natural," he said, blasting it with holy light and destroying it.

"Oooooo," Charlie said with eyes sparkling in amazement at the light show, now in a clean diaper.

Adam ignored that he pulled something else out of the baby bag.

Charlie gasped adorably, reaching out her hands in grabbing motions as she spotted two tiny stuffed goat toys. Adam couldn't fight off the chuckle as he handed them to Charlie, who immediately started hugging them to herself.

"Okay, you're cute, but I'm still waiting for the gremlin energy to take over," Adam said, still suspicious even as he ruffled her hair.

Charlie wrinkled her nose a few times.

"Oh boy," Adam said, leaning back as he waited for the sneeze.

It came.

But it was also a fireball.

"Oh, FUCK!" Adam exclaimed as he quickly moved to put out the fire on his couch. "Why the fuck wasn't I told she sneezes-!"

Adam paused, most of the flames dying off as he saw Charlie rapidly trying to pat some of the smaller flames out of existence, her face twisted anxiously, and herself unharmed by the fire. It was adorable, but kind of heartwrenching. Once it was all out, she looked up at Adam with a sad and apologetic look.

She looked like she might actually cry over this when she hadn't made a single noise about the dirty diaper.

"It's.....It's alright. See?" he said, touching the couch and restoring it to normal with a flash of holy energy. "Good as new!"

Charlie still stared at him with the same look.

"Hey, I'm...not mad at you, okay? I just wish someone had told me about that," Adam said, rubbing her back.

Charlie looked relieved at that.

And then she yawned.

Thankfully, with no fireballs.

"Getting sleepy, huh?" Adam guessed with a smile. "Here, let's get you settled."

He pointed out his finger and created a baby rocker. He placed Charlie in it with her toys. She played with the two goat dolls sleepily while Adam got a bottle of juice ready for her. 

"Hope you like it a bit warm," Adam said as he laid the bottle on her belly.

Soon, Charlie was drifting into slumberland.

"Kids got the right idea," Adam murmured, deciding to lie down and take a nap of his own. It wasn't his first time babysitting in Heaven. Old instincts would wake him up if the gremlin energy showed.

Adam grunted as he awoke, perhaps three hours later. He didn't check the time, but he knew it couldn't have been too long.

He looked over and calmly took stock of the situation.

Charlie had gotten out of her rocker.

She had crawled over to the bag of supplies her parents sent.

She was now at the side of the couch, holding a blanket as she tried to climb up the side.

Adam placed a hand under her bottom and helped push her up. "What, don't like sleeping alone?" he asked with some amusement.

To his surprise, Charlie threw the blanket on top of his torso instead of herself.

She then proceeded to climb down, again with his help, and climb back into her rocker.

Adam stared as he realized Charlie had done all of that because she thought he would be cold without a blanket.

"......Shit, she's an angel," Adam said, facepalming.

How did Lucifer and Lilith create such a quiet and docile little-

Adam froze with a hint of dread. He needed to take Charlie to see someone.

After she woke up.

Later

"I was wondering if you'd need to come to me about the child. After all, it's hard to say what effects there could be from bringing a hellborn baby into Heaven."

"Yeah, yeah, that's not why I'm here, Raph!" Adam said impatiently to Raphael.

"Yes, I was getting to that. I certainly didn't expect you to come in and ask me to confirm if the little Princess has a soul of any kind," Raphael said curiously, glancing at said child.

Charlie was on the ground amongst a play area in Raphael's medical wards, drawing with her crayons.

"Well?" Adam asked pointedly.

"First, what brought this on?" Raphael asked curiously.

"Because of all the babies I have raised, babysat, and known? She is top ten of the most pleasant. Little Hellspitter acts like she's trying to take care of me half the time!" Adam said, giving Charlie a renewed look of suspicion. She looked up and waved with a smile. "So I'm kind of worried Lilith and Lucifer just made some kind of homunculus or animated corpse doll to play house with, and just..."programmed" her to be a dream baby to raise."

"Morbid, but not unfounded," Raphael admitted with a shrug. "You can rest easy, Adam. Hellborn she might be, that is genuinely a baby with a soul, and I even made sure she was born of Lilith and Lucifer."

"....So those two fuck ups get one of the most angelic babies as their first and possibly only child? What bullshit is that?" Adam grumbled with a head shake.

Charlie made several noises to get their attention.

The angels looked and saw Charlie holding up the paper to show her work.

"...Huh. Is that supposed to be you and me?" Raphael asked curiously.

"And I think the little red splotch is supposed to be her," Adam mused as he tilted his head.

"But why are there trees behind us?" Raphael asked, looking around to see if there were any pictures or decorations that were tree-themed in the room.

"Because she wants to go to the park," Adam predicted.

Charlie nodded repeatedly.

Adam scowled to himself. "Should I really be taking her out in public, though? We weren't exactly advertising this whole thing, were we?"

"You say that as if you don't know every one of the more secluded and unused parks in Heaven," Raphael reported in amusement. "Tell me if there are any complications with her."

"Hold up!" Adam said, flying up to grab the Seraphim by the back of the shirt and pull him back.

"Must you do that?" Raphael asked with a deadpan.

"Come on, you're coming too," Adam said bluntly.

"What? Why?" Raphael asked as he turned around..

"You mean besides the fact that she included you in the picture? Or that I know for a fact that you have nothing important going on today? Or even just so you can help me keep an eye on her if something goes wrong?" Adam asked rhetorically, his arms crossed. "How about because.....when was the last time you left your own sphere of Heaven?"

Raphael raised a finger.

"Meetings do not count, that's just more work!"

The Seraphim slowly lowered the find. "I invoke the right not to answer that question."

"Yeah, your ass is coming with us," Adam said bluntly.

Raphael didn't exactly put up too much resistance to the idea.

Charlie beamed from where she sat.

If they were younger, lesser angels than the pair might have mistaken her for an actual heavenborn.

Timeskip

Lilith sighed deeply. It had taken over a week, but it was finally done. They had dealt with the cultists who tried to summon their precious daughter to trigger the end of the world. More importantly, Lucifer and she had managed to create a "curse" to place on Charlie. It was technically a curse anyway, but one that merely made her impossible to be summoned by humans for a thousand years.

Thus, she eagerly awaited her daughter's return to the embassy.

She was not, however, expecting Adam to arrive with the baby carrier. "Adam?! What are you doing with-!?"

"Congrats," Adam said, placing the carrier and the bag of baby items on the table. "Your daughter makes cherubs look like imps in comparison.

"I....thank you?" Lilith said in surprise before she looked at Charlie and blinked. "Are those ear muffs?"

True indeed, Charlie was sleeping away with a pair of golden fuzzy muffs over her ears.

"Yeah, but they're the kind to keep noise out. It's a wonder for the babies upstairs," Adam explained flatly as he carefully took the ear muffs off.

The instant he did, Charlie began to yawn and awaken. Her eyes lit up at the sight of her mother. She instantly began reaching for her with excited grunts.

Lilith smiled and removed her from the seat, embracing her child with a motherly smile.

Adam forced himself to scowl as he turned to leave. "Have fun playing house in your pit."

Lilith frowned at his back and turned to leave as well.

Charlie looked over her mother's shoulder at Adam's back.

"Bye-bye, Ad-dum."

Both of the first humans stopped dead in their tracks.

".....Congrats, Adam," Lilith said with an amused huff. "You got her first words."

"....Bye, Charlie," Adam called back, ignoring Lilith and never looking back as he left for Heaven.

Notes:

Well, that’s it. Just a wholesome little oneshot about Adam watching a baby Charlie, who puts some of the sweetest of angels to shame even as an infant. Adam has had kids like her, but he’s a bit miffed that the L’s one and maybe-only child is that sweet of a bean. He was also worried she wasn’t “real” in a sense, but Raph cleared that up. Not much else to say.

Chapter 53: Hands of an Angry God

Hands of an Angry God AKA God reminds Sera who He is.

Many things had happened in a short amount of time.

The reveal of the Exterminations.

The first victory of Hell against the Exorcists.

The Death of Adam, the First Man.

The apparent redemption of a sinner, Sir Pentious.

That was all more than enough to have Heaven in a stir, and Sera reconsidering many of her choices. As were many others.

But most of all, the thing that rang loudest in Heaven was His return.

God was in Heaven.

In truth, He had never entirely left. His almighty spirit and unrivaled will were all that sustained Heaven, and He did so effortlessly.   

But His truest, direct presence had been absent for much of the past millennia. Tending to the frayed framework of Creation, alongside His greatest servants; Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael to name the more famous of their numbers.

Sometimes, when she was alone and couldn't occupy her mind enough, Sera wondered if The Lord was simply ashamed of what had become of His creation and His kingdom. She had no evidence of that, but it was a worry that had rattled in her brain more than once. She was sure others felt the same concerns too, be they virtuous humans or heavenborn angels.

And so, the return of God Himself was met with much fanfare and rejoicing, but also much contemplation. After all, it was obvious He had returned now for a reason.

The cause was obvious. The Defeat of the Exorcists and the Ascension of the First Redeemed. And only so many meanings could be drawn from it. 

Such were the thoughts and emotions that swirled in the mind of the Head Seraphim as she awaited entry into God's Room. 

Many called it a Throneroom. Some, an Office. Others, a workshop. As with many things in Creation, the room was anything and everything the Lord desired it to be at any given time. 

"You may enter, Head Seraphim."

Sera's hand moved to the doorknob before she even fully registered the words. She entered, bowing her head as she moved to kneel-

"Rise."

-but the command ceased her movement before her knees even bent halfway.

Sera glanced up to see the current state of things. It was like an office of sorts this time. Or, an office in a museum or art gallery. All around the beige room were sculptures and paintings of various things, slowly moving with the walls, disappearing at the corners. 

In the middle of the room was a massive cosmological model of Creation; the holy light of Creation shining down from the heights as the flames of Hell lapped from below, with the great expanse of the mortal cosmos between the two realms, with many little details about that were beyond the comprehension of mortals, and most immortals. 

God Himself was standing nearby, in the form of a tall humanoid that was pure what all over. His head was devoid of features, save a mouth, and His four eyes floated on either side of His face. Sera often wondered why He was fond of this form, but never had reason to question it.

God was placing His hat and starlit cape on a coat rack near His desk. The table was covered in papers that looked to be made of color itself, with texts writing themselves upon their surfaces.

He graced her with a smile. "It has been a while, Seraphiel."

Sera tried to return the smile, but it was weak. Because she could sense that God's delight was.....dampened, blanketed. He was displeased with something. "My Lord and Father, it is wonderful to have you fully in Heaven once more."

"Yes, I suppose it is a time of wonder again," God said idly as He walked over to the wall and idly observed the artworks drifting by. "A sinner redeemed himself."

It was folly to be surprised that God knew something, but Sera still winced at the reminder. "Yes, Lord. It has been a most....enlightening event," she said apologetically.

"I can imagine," God said evenly.

The words froze on Sera's lips as the walls stopped moving. She looked and grew regretful as she saw the Creator was gazing upon a replica of a certain fresco on the ceiling of a certain chapel. 

"Don't tell Michelangelo, but I never liked this painting," God said idly. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all that went into it. The time, the skill, the passion, the imagination. But I do wish it had been a tad more accurate."

Sera knew instantly what He meant. When God had created Adam, when the First Man awoke for the first time in Eden? He had been on the ground, and God had reached out His hand to help Adam stand for the first time. It was a memory that lived fondly in all who were there to see it.

Sera took a deep breath and steeled her nerves. "Lord, I am so sorry."

With her head bowed again, Sera could not see it, but she could feel the Eyes of God gaze upon her. "What for, Sera?"

He knew. Of course, He knew, but it meant nothing if she didn't say it. "For Adam. For everything that happened," Sera said softly, regretfully. 

God said nothing for a second, letting the silence fall over them like a blanket. "You were given a great burden and duty, Seraphial. I don't expect any to carry such weight flawlessly, to never stumble when hard choices have to be made. Only to learn from it."

Sera felt some of the guilt leave her shoulders. "Your mercy and understanding are overwhelming, Lord," Sera said with a deep breath. "Still, I admit my failings. I should have never let things get to this point."

"You place too much blame on yourself. The choices that brought us here were not solely yours. You know very well that others decided their path," The Lord said.

That was true; it was not just her choices that were a part of this. "Still, I should have seen the signs, how Adam had.....fallen, in his own way. I should have never indulged him."

"....Indulged him, Seraphial?" God inquired evenly.

Sera nodded regretfully. "When Adam came to me with his idea to quell the threat of Hell, when he told me of this...extermination plan, I should have refused him. I should have seen it for what it was, as a cruel act of bloodlust. And through him, he corrupted many angels into being his Exorcists, just as drunk on violence as he was. Countless souls that might have been redeemed are gone, and their blood is on my hand as much as Adam's."

There was a brief silence before God took a deep breath. "How disappointing."

Sera blinked as she glanced up. "Lord?"

God walked over to His desk with a head shake. "I knew there was only a slim chance, but I had hope that you would figure it out before you said that," he said as he turned around to lean against the table while facing her.

"I....I don't understand, God," Sera said with an uncertainty growing in her heart again. "What are you....?"

Sera trailed off as she caught sight of the artwork on the wall behind God's desk.

The blowing of the horns at Jericho, the Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, the Burning Bush, the Building of the Ark, Samson bringing down the Temple of Dagon, and the Ruins of Ai.

Sera focused back on the Lord.

His displeasure was obvious as the light dampened and the air grew heavy about them. 

"Did you really think something like the Exterminations was going on without my permission?"

"My Lord, I don't... I don't understand. Did you...approve of the Exterminations?" Sera asked in disbelief

"Approve," God repeated. It wasn't a question; it was more like He found her choice of words hard to believe. "The Exterminations were not Adam's idea."

"But....but Adam, he..." Sera said, before stopping as she thought back. When had Adam ever actually taken credit for the idea?

"Adam asked me what should be done about Hell, since Lucifer and Lilith had thrown away their third and final chance to be trusted," God explained simply. "I answered him."

"....You? You ordered the Exterminations?" Sera whispered in dread, the implication already worming into her heart and mind. "But why would-"

Sera stopped herself from finishing the question.

"Why would I tell him instead of you?" God finished it for her. "Surely you know the answer."

And she did, she realized with a heavy heart. "He....he asked, and I didn't," Sera realized slowly.

"Even angels must sometimes relearn what they always knew," God said firmly.

Sera looked away as she tried to stop her world from spinning. "I don't understand. Why....?

God's disappointment only seemed to grow. Not his anger, solely his disappointment. "When, Seraphiel?"

"Lord?" Sera asked in surprise.

"When did you start putting me in a box, just like so many do on Earth? When did you forget that "I" am not just the Lord of Peace, but the Lord of Hosts? That I not only spared Nineveh, but I struck down Sodom and Gomorrah? That I created Eden, and I sent the Flood," God said sternly. "My wrath is in no contradiction with my love or mercy."

Sera sat there in silence. She remembered those terrible times, yes, but she tried not to think of them. When had she....?

God spoke, interrupting her pondering. "So, Sera, how do you think I feel when the first thing you say to me is to spit on not only Adam, but also everyone who died alongside him? To say you were misled by the one who followed my instructions?" 

"Lord, Father, I...."

"Angels were slain and eaten alive by demons. Did you even care? About any of them?"

"I....I thought it was a sign that...what we were doing was wrong," Sera said as she bowed her head. "Please, Lord....tell me, for I clearly do not know; Why have you returned now?"

God glared, and Sera sincerely wished she were in the deepest, hottest, most terrible pit of Hell right now.

"I'm all-knowing and I still can't believe I actually have to spell it out," God said with a scowl. His face morphed into something just as wrathful, but overflowing with sorrow.

Sera fell to her knees and clutched her chest as the room darkened, as God's next words were not just spoken, but willed into reality.

"They Killed My Boy."

With those words, the room trembled, and everything began to vanish like a mirage. All that existed now was neither Light nor Darkness, only the emptiness from before the Dawn of Time. Nothing remained except for Sera and God, his cape and hat flying back to his person.

The Lord raised his hand, and in it was the orb showing a replica of the Cosmos of Creation. The sphere shifted and as it focused in, until showing only Hell itself as a fiery ball that futilely tries to burn all it touches.

And at last, Sera understood. God had not returned because a sinner had been redeemed.

"And this time, there will be a Harrowing," God proclaimed with terrible finality as he gazed upon the orb. 

“You’ve come to avenge Adam,” Sera realized, more to herself than to her Creator.

“I have to. After all, Vengeance is Mine,” God reminded as little more than a simple fact. "You're dismissed, Former Head Seraphim."

Sera stared. The words were like a blow to her very soul. "I....I understand, Lord," she said, and tried to tell herself it wasn't a lie. "What....what shall I do now....?"

"Nothing, for now. I imagine that your charge will have a great need of you in the near future," God warned with some gentleness seeping back into his voice..

Emily. She would....Oh, Heavens, she might do something foolish. Or...had she already-?

"It takes more than a few naïve words to fall, Seraphiel," God assured before the thoughts could even finish in her mind. "Now please.....leave me."

Sera got to her feet, but never fully raised her head as she vanished from the room in shame.

The instant she left, God's eyes fell on the orb in His hand once more. The view closed in further, into the Ring of Pride, and still closer it drew until it showed exactly what had his attention.

Charlie Morningstar. She was standing with two fallen angels, one her father and the other her lover. She was surrounded by the sinners of her hotel, smiling up at the newly rebuilt Hotel.

"Ohhh, you foolish souls," God said with a dangerous softness. "Soon you will learn what it means..."

Without words, without movement, without effort, the orb shattered into dust and blew away in the non-existent wind.

"To Be Sinners In The Hand of An Angry God."

Notes:

Well, there's that. This actually is a preview of sorts- I plan on doing a small fic that expands on this. Yeah, a little reminder to all that yes, God is a wrathful being when provoked. And while he understands why humans feel the need to put him in a box and not think about that side of him, he's disappointed that Sera fell into the same mistake.