A Different Task

by Thatauthoryouhate

Summary:

With the duties of fatherhood thrust upon you, it becomes apparent you can't perform every task...

Life as a parent is far from smooth sailing, not that you expected it to be. Trusted with Kaz for the morning, you're startled by his sudden burst of tears. He sure can cry, tears running down his face as he wails away, making for a fairly distressing sight. Fatherly instinct on high, you have him in your arms before you know it.

“There, there,” you soothe. First port of call, you check his nappy.

Clear, for now. Next, you rock him gently, sweet nothings slipping from you. Moments pass, his tears clearing up, but not the dreadful wails. Rattles and dummies do little to ease him, and gas does not come as you encourage a burp.

No, there's only one thing he must want.

Slowly, you make your way to the living room. There, Beelzebub sits peacefully, top raised as Jez suckles calmly at her breast.

You're barely in the room when she sighs.

“They're perfectly in sync; it seems,” she notes, clearly tired.

“Jez hungry as well?”

“Afraid so.” With a sigh, she turns her head towards you, a task eased as you walk in front of her. She looks at the still crying Kaz, only to cover Jez's ears. “Generic, dear. I need you!”

Quick as a flash, Generic appears. She offers a brief smile, as if already knowing everything. Sure enough, she approaches you, scooping Kaz out of your arms gently as can be. From there, she takes a seat beside Beelzebub. You're almost at a loss, when she suddenly unbuttons her shirt.

“You're staring,” Generic playfully chastises, revealing her lack of bra.

Are her breasts bigger than usual? A thought quickly dispelled as Kaz latches on. Just like that, he calms down, feasting away much like his sister.

“Generic, you're not-” you begin, shutting up as she chuckles.

“Not yet. But most of us intend on pursuing this path, and Beel' can use a hand,” she explains.

“At least a tit,” Beelzebub adds, earning a playful tap from Generic.

“So, I can't really help here?” you ask, unable to keep hints of defeat from your tone.

“Oh, nonsense,” Beelzebub immediately responds. “You'll be helping plenty, I assure you. Just not with feeding.”

As if by cosmic intervention, the doorbell rings.

“For example, would you get that?” Beelzebub playfully requests.

Having no real comeback, you simply nod with a smile.

Leaving the pair to feeding duty, you head towards the door. Opening it, a pit forms in your stomach. The stern eyes of Agent Cooper damn near peer into your soul. All the while, April practically radiates sunshine and rainbows, despite her tactical gear obscuring most of her face.

“Alright,” you begin, straightening your back in an attempt to at least look professional. “Who did what this time?”

“Excellent question,” Cooper notes, notepad in hand. “We were hoping you might shed some light on that.”

“What she means is,” April chimes in, leaning casually against Cooper's shoulder. Shit, it's almost like looking into some alternate universe's version of Judgement and Justice. “Some spooky stuff is happening, and we thought we'd check you off the list of weird people.”

“Seriously?” you ask, looking between the pair.

Sure enough, Cooper drops her detective act. “Pretty much. Anyone in the house been acting weirder than usual?”

Not that you've noticed. Then again, you've been pretty focused on the new additions. Come to think of it; everyone's been rather doting. Whether it be towards the babies or Beelzebub herself.

“I don't think so? Even Cerberus has been keeping her vendetta against the local squirrels to a minimum,” you explain.

Cooper nods, humming in thought. “Think you can ask them something on my behalf?”

Alarm bells ring in the back of your mind, not that you show it. “Depends.”

“Just a, well, chant we've been seeing crop up.”

“A chant?”

Cooper doesn't elaborate, scrawling something in her notepad before ripping out a page. She forces it into your hand, and you look it over.

“Sa thar to salus. Una cum terra?” you read aloud, looking for confirmation.

“Close enough. Just run it by them, alright? Maybe shed some light on all this.”

“What kind of crimes has this been involved with, anyway?”

“Need to know-”

“At the moment, it's just freaking people out. Like, real bad,” April interjects, much to Cooper's annoyance.

“Yes, well. I want to put an end to it before something serious happens,” Cooper explains, folding her arms across her chest.

“Yeah, alright. I can appreciate that,” you say, pocketing the chant. “I'll run it by the girls.”

“Thanks. I'll keep it in mind next time one of you messes up.”

You want to argue, there's no real leg to stand on. “Fair enough.”

With that, you wish them a safe trip, not closing the door until they're safely back inside their van. Satisfied, you return to your hopefully fed babies.

Alas, they still suckle away, not that Beelzebub or Generic mind. They're as casual as can be, keeping your children safe in their grip as they provide some much-needed nourishment. You almost don't want to bother them with the police girls' request, but hopes of sparing them are dashed when Beelzebub tilts her head.

“Who was at the door?” she asks. “I doubt Baphomet, given you weren't gone for long.”

That's a point, you should really see about inviting her over to meet the new additions. More importantly, Krampus can meet them. Tucking the thought away for now, you answer her question.

“Cooper and Doyle,” you begin. “Nothing serious.”

“Really?” Beelzebub muses with an adorable buzz. “I've never known them to appear for anything less than public indecency.”

“There was the time Modeus kept inviting April over.”

“Certainly not the norm. So, what did they need?”

Well, no point in lying. “Some strange chanting around town. Apparently, it's freaking people out.”

“Chanting? How quaint.”

“I doubt it's any of us,” Generic chimes in, pulling Kaz away from her teat. Gently, she cradles him, cooing as she lightly rubs his back. Sure enough, it coaxes out a mighty burp. At least, for one so small. “Cerberus is the only one who leaves regularly, and she's much more intent on her little vermin vendetta.”

“Still,” Beelzebub takes over, Jez still content to suck away. “Care to share this chant with us?”

Lest you butcher it, you hand her the piece of paper containing said chant. You watch as her eyes dart across it, mouth slightly moving as she reads. Then, she does so again. And again. The fourth time, she sighs, handing the paper to Generic.

“It's complete gibberish,” she reveals, Generic slowly nodding in agreement. “Some foolish mortal prank, I suspect.”

A part of you is relieved to hear it. You're not sure how you'd talk the police out of locking up one of your girls. Not that they'd be able to hold them for long, but that would bring on its own series of problems.

“I think,” Generic begins, grabbing your attention. “Your little man could use some play time.”

Taking the hint, you approach, taking every care as you scoop the little guy into your arms. He makes a noise you've come to expect whenever you take him, a series of babbling that might one day be words. Keeping him nice and close, you know exactly what you're going to do with him.

“Don't want to join us in shaking his rattle?” you tease, earning a chuckle.

“I'm sure you can manage.”

You definitely can. Hopefully, you might even encourage him to play with some of his other toys. The stuffed elephant has been particularly lonely since you bought it. Still, even if Kaz doesn't come around to it, there's sure to be at least one of your children who will like it.

Whatever Generic and Beelzebub discuss is between them, for now, you're only focus is the best duty of all. Play time!

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 117 of Helltaker Mainline Stories