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The camera fizzes on. It's pointing at a grassy, dusty path on some planet. Brown boots are just barely in frame as the narrator walks the path.
Obi-wan begins to speak from behind the camera. "Hello there. Have you ever wondered how we decide who is stealthy enough to go on certain stealth missions when the need arises?" The camera rises. A blue-and-white-armored blond Clone stands in front of Obi-wan with a long metal rod. "We are about to show you the super secret technique we use."
"Alright," the Clone, tributed as Captain Rex, begins, looking down at some of the controls on the metal detector. He turns a nob here and a nob there. "It won't recognize plastoid or blasters."
"What is that for, Captain?"
"Cody really wants this mission," Rex replies with a monotone voice.
Obi-wan sighs behind the camera. "Of course he does." He clears his throat. "Here are the rules: all the eligible commanders are participating. Generals Skywalker and Koon will be participating as well." A helmet symbol and a lightsaber symbol appear in the bottom right corner of the screen. "Our indicators will show us how many men we still have to track down. The squad of the last one standing gets the mission."
Rex looks into the camera. "Something to note, General Skywalker is participating for the 501st in my stead." He laughs and shakes his head, returning his attention to the metal detector. "We're not getting this mission."
"Anakin can be stealthy when he so desires. It is rare, but possible."
The captain looks beyond the camera at Obi-wan. His voice bears nothing but certainty when he replies. "No, sir. We are not getting this mission." He hefts the metal detector up so that he is holding it with both hands. "I'm going to make sure of it."
There's a beat of silence before Obi-wan speaks again, "Let's meet our contestants, shall we?"
A data pad with eight different colored helmets, a Kel'dor head, and a human head is positioned over the camera. These are lined up in two rows of five, with the two Jedi at the very end. The Clone helmets, from left to right, have the following colors or designs: a forest green; a lighter green; a tinge of purple; a mix of the two greens, in two thick stripes down the helmet; a maroon-bordering-on-brown; a white helmet with a single light brown circle on the right forehead area; a golden yellow; and a gray.
"I will introduce them in order of their appearance on this data pad. From left to right on the top row, we have commanders Gree of the 41st Elite Corps; Monnk, who serves under General Fisto; Bacara of the 21st Nova Corps; Grey, who serves under General Billaba; and Ponds, of Lightning Squadron." The image shifts slightly. "The bottom row, also from left to right, contains commanders Faie, who serves under General Vos at the moment; Cody of the 7th Sky Corps; and Wolffe of the 104th Battalion; as well as generals Plo Koon and Anakin Skywalker.
"These 10 will have a somewhat equal opportunity at winning the stealth mission." He lowers the data pad. "Let's begin."
Obi-wan follows Rex while narrating a little. Rex has the metal detector up in his arms still, it doesn't even appear to be activated. Obi-wan makes no comment on that.
"You may be asking yourselves, dear viewers, why we have elected to have a Clone Captain and a Jedi General help with this selection process. After all, it seems a bit unfair, doesn't it? I could likely locate everyone through the Force all on my own. And add on a Clone Captain, skilled in the tactics required for this mission? Surely the others have no hope."
They take a turn toward a big building from one of Obi-wan's other videos: Padme's house.
"You would be quite correct in that assessment. However, if a team can't out-wit a captain, and perhaps a Jedi, then what hope do they have of out-witting a tactical droid? I would dare say they have very little hope of that."
Rex nods once in agreement, now ascending the outer stairs.
"Captain, would you mind telling us where we're going exactly?" Obi-wan asks. The camera looks back toward the stairs they'd just come up, then returns to the path ahead on the wrap-around porch.
"I told you: 501st isn't taking this mission," Captain Rex replies, looking over his shoulder to side-eye the cameraman. "And thankfully," he shifts the metal detector, "Commander Tano isn't the one participating."
The camera shakes as Obi-wan motions to the metal detector. "Explain that, then, Captain. It can't be working up there."
"It isn't, but I don't need a metal detector to find the general." He grins. "Not on Naboo."
Obi-wan flips the camera around so that he can show his raised eyebrow-response to Rex's comment.
"Found you!"
It spins around just as quickly at the captain's shout. Senator Amidala and General Skywalker stand beside each other. Anakin immediately turns and darts toward the railing around the walkway.
"You'll never catch me!"
Rex drops the metal detector - Obi-wan catches it - and charges after him. "That's not how this game works!"
Anakin dives over the railing into the bush beyond, with Rex literally on his heels. Obi-wan approaches the senator. They both watch the bush shake and listen to the rustling of the leaves from where they're at.
"I suppose this means General Skywalker is out?" Padme asks.
The camera tilts slightly to the right. "Let's see who comes out of the bush, first."
Rex, dragging Anakin by the scruff of the shirt, comes out a few moments later. Anakin is swatting at his hands until the very moment Rex releases him and he drops onto his back.
"Okay, okay!" Anakin huffs, pushing himself into a sitting position. "You got me. You happy?"
The captain is beaming. "Very."
Padme begins to laugh.
"I suppose that means General Skywalker is eliminated," Obi-wan says as the lightsaber counter goes down to 1. "Anakin, I did expect more from you."
Anakin huffs, dusting his clothes off. "Yeah, thanks, Master."
Obi-wan kneels beside his former padawan, getting the camera quite close. "Do you have anything to say to the viewers or your competitors?"
"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" Anakin glares at Obi-wan. He places his attention on the camera next. "Hang in there! They can't catch us all!"
The camera shifts to Rex as he begins talking, "Oh we definitely can." He takes the metal detector back from Obi-wan and forges on.
"Trees are a prime hiding spot," Rex explains as they approach some trees at the southeast corner of Senator Amidala's house. "They're tall, and at least three of our competitors match."
Obi-wan raises the camera to look up into the branches. "Do you plan to climb each tree in hopes that one of three competitors is hiding in them, Captain?"
"Nope." The camera lowers quickly at the sound of a blaster powering up. Rex smirks at the lens. "I've got faster ways of doing this."
He raises his blaster and begins firing blue rings into the branches - stun blasts. (Obi-wan sighs in relief behind the camera.)
About five blasts are fired into the third tree before they receive any response. "Hey! That isn't allowed!"
Rex grins, still looking up into the tree. "You're lucky it's on stun."
He shoots another two rings into the branches before the camera catches sight of the competitor. The Clone is now dangling precariously from a tree branch over twelve feet off the ground. He tries to adjust his grip even while Rex aims his blaster at him. It's clear the other Clone notices Rex taking aim.
"Don't you kriffing dare!"
"C'mon, Grey," Rex aims directly at him, looking through his sights, "you don't use that kind of language around Commander Dume do you?"
Commander Grey readjusts his grip again. "Okay, okay! I give!"
Rex lowers his blaster.
Now without the threat of a stun ring, Grey masterfully descends from the branches to stand beside Rex. He folds his arms and shakes his head at the captain. "I can't wait until it's my turn to be on General Kenobi's side. I swear I'll drown you."
The helmet counter goes down to 7.
Grey steps aside as Rex moves on to the next tree and begins firing stun rings into it. "Let's face it," Rex comments to the camera between blasts, "we may like our independence, but we don't always go with original ideas over tried and true ones."
"I swear Gree and Monnk aren't in the trees," Grey huffs after the next stun blast. "You're going to kriffing kill the things."
"Please, Commander, some respect for our younger viewers," Obi-wan reminds.
Grey rubs the back of his neck.
Rex finally grabs hold of the metal detector, which he rested against a tree, and activates it. "Time to put this to good use." It begins to beep when pointed toward the east.
"And now who do we hope to find with this, Captain?" Obi-wan asks as he follows close beside Rex. "We've already eliminated Anakin."
Rex shrugs. He follows the metal detector as it gets somewhat louder. "This is for the second biggest threat: the Wolfpack."
Obi-wan chuckles. "I'm glad we allowed both General Plo and Commander Wolffe to participate if you're going to use that to track them down."
"What can I say? I really want to help Cody out."
He keeps his eyes on the metal detector, as if Plo or Wolffe is just going to appear on the ground directly underneath. The beeping gets progressively louder as they continue walking until they finally find General Plo. He is sitting on a rock in the middle of the fountain, his legs folded and his hands resting on his knees. Rex continues following the metal detector to the very edge of the fountain before he begins raising it. The metal detector beeps incessantly as it hovers just inches away from Plo's mask. Obi-wan waits.
"Hmm." Rex taps the detector with the heel of his palm. He looks up at General Plo, then back down. "It must be malfunctioning."
The camera spins around again. Obi-wan stares into it, unimpressed, before turning it back to Plo.
Plo's eyes wrinkle in delight.
"Captain, General Plo is directly in front of you."
Rex turns the device off before looking over his shoulder. "You're going as crazy as the metal detector, General. All due respect."
"How is there any respect in what you just said?"
He shrugs again. He turns back to the device and turns it back on. The beeping starts up immediately, but Rex seems distracted by something on the water. Or in the water. "Monnk, you're out."
Obi-wan tries following his line of vision. The camera catches the glare of the sun off the water, but nothing else. Until a Clone commander, in full scuba gear, emerges suddenly. He's dripping wet.
"How did you find me but can't see General Koon right in front of you?" Monnk asks, holding his hands out at his sides.
Rex shakes his head, turning back to the metal detector. "How sad. You're getting as loony as the general."
Obi-wan chokes. "Are you feeling alright, Captain Rex? You don't seem to be acting like yourself."
Water sloshes around Monnk's legs as he trudges over to the bank. He casts a quick glance at Plo, who is still looking very pleased with himself, before getting up beside Rex. He holds his wet plastoid-covered hand to Rex's forehead. Immediately the Clone captain pulls back.
"Hey!"
Monnk raises his hands in feigned surrender. "Just checking for a temperature, brother."
Rex points the metal detector at him like some sort of weapon. "Back off."
The commander complies, taking a step back.
It is at this point that General Plo's wrist communicator crackles on and begins to blink. Commander Wolffe's voice begins to sound over the communicator, "General, stop messing with the captain." Rex looks toward the sound. "He's already delusional enough."
Plo chuckles softly, standing. Rex jumps back with a quick exclamation. "Alright, Commander, then you must win this for the Pack."
Rex's eyes shoot down to the communicator when Wolffe replies. "Don't worry, Cody isn't getting this one. He buried his chances pretty early."
"Indeed."
"Let's go, General!" Rex snaps, rushing off with the metal detector almost touching the ground.
Obi-wan rushes after the captain, flashing the camera back at Monnk and Plo. The lightsaber indicator now reads 0 and the helmet one reads 6. "What is your plan now, Captain?"
"Find Wolffe."
"Well, yes, and the others."
"Specifically Wolffe, at this point. Once he's out of the way we can move on to the others."
"That…isn't quite how this is supposed to go, Rex."
Rex's hand shoots into the air as the metal detector starts to let off a steady tone of beeps. "To the house!"
"Should we make it count that he technically revealed himself over the comms?" Obi-wan asks thoughtfully once they reach one of the many doors that leads inside.
"There was no rule against using communicators," Wolffe's voice crackles in reply.
Rex and the camera freeze. They look around the nearby area.
"Where are you?" Rex questions through gritted teeth.
"That's your job to find out. Maybe in the house? Perhaps in one of the windows, watching you? Y'never know, brother."
Obi-wan stifles a laugh. He sounds so smug. He's making Rex's face turn so red.
"I'm gonna rip you apart when I find you!"
"I didn't realize fighting was part of the game."
As Rex makes his response, Obi-wan spots something out of the corner of his eye. He turns the camera. Something white is moving in one of the windows. He zooms in.
"Captain, I do believe I've eliminated another one of Cody's competition."
Rex looks at the camera, then follows it to the window. He runs inside with Obi-wan close behind. They take a right and quickly enter a sitting room. Anakin, Padme, Ahsoka, Grey, and another few members of the 501st look at them when they burst in so suddenly. Obi-wan stops in the doorway. Fives and Jesse watch their captain storm over to the long curtains. He throws it back to reveal…
"Looks like you found Faie. Huh."
Commander Faie looks at the furious captain and then the camera. He shrugs slightly. "Hide and Seek is typically played inside."
Fives starts laughing. Rex spins on him. He looks at the camera. "I'm calling in backup."
"I suppose there's no way I can stop you from doing so," Obi-wan sighs as the helmet counter goes down to 5. "But!" He stops Rex before he can activate his communicator. "I will limit to Clone help from those you've found. You can use commanders Grey, Monnk, and Faie, and any of the remaining five once found."
Rex stares at him for a second. Grey stands. He exchanges a shrug with Faie.
Rex nods. "I can work with that." He waves his hand. "Let's move!"
The three Clone CO's run out of the room in a small V-formation. Obi-wan sighs again before chasing after them. They've made contact with Monnk by the time he gets outside and Rex is just finishing explaining the plan of attack.
"I wish you the best of luck, commanders, Captain," Plo nods to them. He passes Obi-wan to enter the house.
Obi-wan watches Plo enter, then turns the camera on the Clones. They seem just about done with their huddle. "I have a few further conditions."
All four look at him.
"While the others can assist in finding the men, Rex has to physically be there for any of the remaining commanders to be disqualified. Also, he is the only one who can use the metal detector. Do you agree to these terms?"
"Yes, sir!" they all say simultaneously.
"Then proceed."
Rex claps his hands to get the commanders' attention. "Let's go!"
They split, each sprinting off in a different direction. Faie runs back into the house to search the building. Grey goes off toward the right of the house, back to the area he was found in where the trees are to search the surrounding foliage. Monnk goes off toward the left of the house to search that area. Rex and Obi-wan go back toward the fountain area.
They hold a strict radio silence for about two minutes while they search through every little section they can think of. Rex instructed them to do this so they could listen for Wolffe while looking for him - but he must have caught on because he's also silent for this long, and a bit longer.
"Any luck yet?" Rex barks into his comm.
"Negative," Grey replies almost immediately.
Monnk is a split second after him, "Nope, nothing over here."
"Faie? Update?"
There's a beat of silence.
"Ponds is on the roof."
"Dang it, Faie!" a new (that term being relative) voice joins the communicator conversation.
Obi-wan raises his eyebrow at Rex, who looks wantonly at the area he's been searching. "Well, Captain? Do we let Commander Ponds go, just in hopes that we can find him again after we've found Commander Wolffe?"
Rex hesitates.
"Remember, Captain, none of the others can eliminate the other commanders."
"Poodoo!" Rex exclaims before breaking out in a run.
"Poodoo?" Obi-wan repeats quietly. He follows him soon after, but can already hear the commotion before he's even turned the corner.
The sight that greets his audience is this: Faie is looking at the camera, holding a ladder to keep it steady. The camera angles up to where Rex, still half on the ladder, is seemingly wrestling with someone on the roof.
"Get down here!" Rex growls.
Ponds' boot appears over the edge of the roof, only to kick at Rex's hand and scurry back up.
"Commander Ponds," Obi-wan calls up, "you've technically been found now. You can come down."
Rex looks down at the camera. "That's not the problem anymore, General."
"Then what is?"
Faie is the one who responds, since Rex has gone back to wrestling Ponds. "Ponds doesn't really like ladders. He doesn't trust them."
"But-" Obi-wan moves the camera to Faie, then back to the roof, then back to Faie. "But you're holding the ladder."
"He doesn't trust me either."
Obi-wan doesn't know if he should be startled by the lack of concern in Faie's voice or not.
"So, how'd you get up there in the first place, Ponds?" Wolffe is back on the comms.
Rex yells into his own, "Grey! Monnk! Keep listening for him!"
"No, we were going to keep it to ourselves," Grey replies.
Wolffe seems unperturbed. "That ladder certainly wasn't there before, was it? I don't remember seeing it. And even if it was, why would you climb it without someone holding onto it?"
"Ah shove it, Wolffe!" Ponds replies over the comm. "Bacara helped me if you must know, okay?"
"Guess that means he's pretty close by, doesn't it?"
"I'll find him!" Faie calls up to Rex and Ponds.
"Don't!" Rex responds, a second too late.
Rex and Ponds tumble to the ground. The only thing that breaks their fall is Faie, who knocked the ladder on his way back to the house.
Ponds sighs, looking at Faie. "This is why I don't trust you to hold the ladder."
Faie shrugs. Rex groans.
"That was almost worth the risk of revealing my location," Wolffe laughs.
Obi-wan looks down at the three. "Are you alright?"
The helmet indicator reads 4.
"We should fi-" Faie begins.
Ponds and Rex interrupt him. "Shut it!"
"I have eyes on Gree!" Monnk's voice shouts over the communicator. "We're crossing the yard!"
Obi-wan spins around. The camera has barely stopped shaking when the last green-wearing commander sprints across the open yard, with Monnk following a few feet behind. He's slowly gaining on Gree when Faie and Ponds, led by Rex, dart into position to cut him off. Obi-wan grimaces when all three who just fell deck and pile on top of Gree. They are quickly joined by Monnk in the dog pile.
"Well that was quick…" The indicator is down to 3.
It takes a moment for them to untangle and all get to their feet again. Gree rubs his head. "That could've gone better."
"Alright, how many do we have left?"
All the commanders start counting off on their fingers. Monnk confuses everything by listing people multiple times, so they have to start over.
"Okay!" Ponds stops them all. "Let's start with the Jedi. Rex, what about General Plo and General Skywalker?"
"Both found," Rex nods.
"'Kay. Two less to worry about. Then here we have four, and we're pretty sure Bacara hasn't been found. What about Grey?"
Monnk waves him off. "He's looking for Wolffe off near the trees."
Rex clicks his communicator on. "Grey, come in."
"I'm here." He sounds a bit out of breath.
"We have Ponds and Gree-"
"I told you Gree and Monnk weren't in the trees!"
Rex shakes his head. "Anyway. We're still looking for Bacara and Wolffe."
"You found Cody too?"
"Cody wants this mission!"
"That's too bad," Wolffe chimes back in. "He isn't getting this mission."
"Kri-" Rex cuts himself off, switching to mumbling under his breath while glaring at the camera. "Okay, I'm continuing with the metal detector. I'll look for Wolffe. The rest of you search for Bacara and hold him until I get there. Got it?"
They all agree and scatter again.
Obi-wan smirks. "So, what's the plan, Captain? We're down to the last three. It's looking quite grim for Commander Cody."
"I can give you a hint."
"I don't want your hints, Wolffe!"
"Then why don't I leave you to it?"
Rex groans. He pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. "Okay. Metal detector." He grabs it off the ground.
"We're really cracking down on the metal detector now, then?" Obi-wan shrugs. "Alright. Let's see what we can find."
They listen to the other commanders chatter back and forth over the comms while they walk. Rex seems to be putting all his hope of finding Wolffe into the metal detector. He rarely raises his head to look around himself. It pays off after a while, though, because it starts beeping incessantly over a certain plot of ground that appears to have been recently disturbed.
"I've got you now, brother," Rex grins.
"I take back my reservations, Captain," Obi-wan, still behind the camera, sounds a bit surprised. "It would appear your metal detector has served its purpose."
Rex smiles at the camera. Obi-wan hands him a shovel - how long he's had that behind the camera is anyone's guess. The captain begins to dig.
"Can't believe I didn't think of someone burying him," Rex begins muttering. "I don't know who wouldn't jump at the chance to bury Wolffe."
Obi-wan huffs with amusement. "I can't believe Commander Wolffe would be comfortable enough being buried."
A chink stops Rex short. He throws the shovel to the side and, getting down on his knees, begins digging more carefully. Obi-wan sets the camera down and begins to help Rex. The camera is even with the hole they're digging. Sadly, the viewers won't be able to get a first look at Wolffe's response when he's unburied.
"Kark!" Rex and Obi-wan shout suddenly, jumping back from the hole they've been digging.
Wolffe's laugh is the first thing that comes over the comm. "I see you, Rex, General Kenobi."
Obi-wan falls to the ground, grasping at his chest and trying to catch his breath. Rex kicks some of the dirt they've piled up.
"Did you find him?!" Multiple voices - the same voice - question over top each other.
Rex grabs the camera this time. He points it down into the hole - an eye looks up. "Part of him."
"What do you mean part-?" Grey starts.
"Don't tell me he-!" Ponds sounds like he's prepared to gag.
Monnk laughs in disbelief. "He removed his eye?!"
"It's called a decoy, boys." Wolffe sounds thoroughly proud of himself.
Multiple exclamations of disgust are uttered in response.
"Wolffe, one request," Obi-wan gasps, "never teach Anakin how to use his prosthetic as a decoy. I don't think I'd be able to stand that."
"Where do you think I learned it from, General?"
The camera and Obi-wan's eyes met in shared disgruntlement.
"Bacara to all other units, I will come out of hiding right now if you promise I can see one-eyed Wolffe."
"Agreed!" Rex and the other commanders replied simultaneously.
The counter goes down to 2 once the located commanders, with Bacara, meet up with Obi-wan and Rex at the burial site.
Rex places his hands on his hips. "How are we supposed to find Wolffe now?" He rubs his head in thought. "The odds are 50-50 of finding Cody first."
"Is Wolffe still willing to offer his hint?" Bacara asks.
"That can't be our only option," Obi-wan frowns.
Rex sighs, letting his head fall. "I think it is." He activates his comm. "Okay, Wolffe, what's your hint?"
Silence.
…
More silence.
"Oh now he has nothing to say?!"
"His hint was to keep digging."
They all nearly jump out of their plastoid. Turning, they find Plo and Anakin standing behind them now.
Rex narrows his eyes at Anakin. "How do you know his hint?"
Anakin shrugs. "He told everyone before the game even started."
Monnk hits his forehead in realization. "Oh yeah!"
Obi-wan shrugs. "I suppose it can't hurt. Shall we?"
Rex and Obi-wan continue to dig around the eye. The shovel had hit something hard - and the eye itself didn't appear to have any damage, so it was only fair that there might be something beneath. Sure enough, there is a long, Clone-sized crate with a sort of metal breathing tube attached. The others join to help completely uncover and raise this coffin-shaped crate.
Obi-wan strokes his beard. "As I said, this doesn't feel like something Wolffe would willingly enter."
"Hey, it was his hint," Gree shrugs.
"Moment of truth." Rex unseals the crate.
It hisses. A rumbling sound meets their ears once the hiss dissipates. Rex and Obi-wan exchange a glance before the captain moves in and pushes the lid off.
A gray-armored Clone is laying in the crate. His chest rises and falls slowly, indicating sleep.
Rex rolls his eyes. "Faking sleep won't save you, Wolffe." He reaches in and unceremoniously pulls the helmet off his brother.
The other Clone's head falls back and hits the metal beneath him once his helmet is free. He wakes up with a start, quickly raising his head and rubbing the back of it with a gloved hand.
"Rex!" Cody snaps.
"Co-Cody?!" Rex grips the edge of the crate. "What- What are you doing in Wolfpack armor? Where's Wolffe?!"
Plo rumbles with laughter while Cody sits up.
"What time is it?"
"W-" Obi-wan checks the time with his communicator. "It is 1533."
Cody steps out of the crate, grabbing onto Rex for stability. "Then he's probably at the mission site already."
"That doesn't add up." Ponds rubs his chin. "We started only a little over an hour ago. There's no way he could've made that trip by now."
"And he was at the meeting at the beginning of the game!" Monnk points out.
Cody yawns. "It's nice that you think either of us were there." He stretches. "I knew Boil and Waxer were the perfect decoys."
Obi-wan turns to Plo. "Did you know about this?"
Plo pats him on the shoulder. "Of course. My commander would never think to pull off such a prank without my assistance."
Rex lets his head fall again. He sighs. "I thought you wanted this mission?"
"I wanted a nap more. Turns out being buried alive is a good way to get some sleep."
He shakes his head.
"Well," Obi-wan begins, resting his hand on Rex's shoulder, "I suppose congratulations are in order, Commander Wolffe. I also suppose you've been watching the livestream this entire time, so I will wish you a successful mission."
The other commanders echo the sentiment rather quickly. Rex shrugs and agrees with the others. "Though I want to know how you're doing this mission an eye short when you get back."
Obi-wan smiles.
"Oh yeah," Cody moves to stand beside Obi-wan in the frame, "I promised Boost I'd say this so I could use his armor." He points a finger gun at the camera. "And that is how you stealth."
The helmet indicator reads 1, and the screen goes black.