Chapter Text
Wes and Sean passed each other in the hallway, and Wes's broad shoulders brushed against Sean as he went by.
"How ya doing, man?" Wes turned and paused, giving him a broad grin.
Sean rolled his eyes and smiled, mentally willing away the undefinable prickle in his gut.
"Fine," he said, and it was Wes's turn to roll his eyes. "Come on now," he said, eyeing his friend pointedly. "You're always 'fine,' except when you're not. How are you really?" Wes's eyebrows rose. He stood silently, waiting for an answer.
Sean blew out a breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why...?" He exhaled heavily. Looking away, he stalled out, crossing his arms.
"Things are--- complicated, between Rune and I," he finally confessed, his face heating.
"She--- she has things she wants and I..." he closed his eye, swallowing hard. "I have issues." He glanced at Wes, then quickly away.
Wes's eyebrows shot up further. He was surprised Sean would confide in him about something so personal.
"So--- so--- now you know." Sean tacked on, his features pinched. He turned to leave.
"Wait," Wes said.
Sean paused, his shoulders hunched.
"I'm sorry," Wes said, and Sean looked up.
"That must be tough," he went on.
Sean's face scrunched. "Yeah," he muttered. "Do you want to get out of here for a bit?" Wes asked. Sean blew out a breath and nodded, unable to quite meet his friend's gaze.
Wes inclined his head and turned, leading the way out of the building. Outside, the late morning sun warmed the air, and they could hear birdsong from the nearby trees.
As the heavy wooden doors closed behind them, Wes asked, "You hungry?"
Sean shrugged.
"Let's see if we can get something we can take with us," Wes suggested, and Sean agreed. He shoved his hands into his pockets, and kept his head down as they walked side by side.
Wes chattered about work as they approached the pub. Inside, only a few customers were sparsely seated at tables.
He strode to the counter, slapped it lightly with one hand, and said, "My man! You got anything we can get to go? Sandwiches and a couple of beers, maybe?" The waiter acknowledged him, then poked his head into the kitchen to speak to the cook. Returning to the front, he nodded to Wes. Stooping, he pulled out two bottles and set them on the counter. They clinked together as they hit the surface.
Wes dug in his pocket and pulled out some coins. "This cover it?" he asked, and the waiter counted them before nodding and handing him one back. Wes shook his head. "Keep it," he grinned.
"Thank you, sir," the man said to Wes. "Should be ready soon."
Wes smiled. "Great," he said, grabbing the two bottles with one hand. He headed to one of the tables to wait, and Sean trailed after him. Wes handed him one of the beers when they sat down, and Sean picked at the label.
About ten minutes later, the waiter called Wes over. A couple of sandwiches were ready and wrapped in waxed paper. Wes thanked him, scooped up the food, and exited the building with Sean.
Wes strode purposefully down the path that led towards the southern gate in the town's crumbling stone wall. Sean eyed him questioningly, but remained silent.
They approached the two guards that stood watch, and Sean felt the weight of their stares on him as they drew near.
"Eyyy," Wes said to them, a broad grin in place. "How's it hanging, my dudes?" He gave them both finger guns, complete with sound effects, and they stared at him hard before one huffed out a slight laugh. "See you in awhile," Wes said as he stepped between them to leave. They moved to allow him through, and Sean followed. He held his breath, feeling as if their stares were burning into his back.
Once they were out of earshot, Wes chuckled. "Those guys kill me every time. It must be part of the job description to be as boring and stiff as possible."
Sean couldn't help but smile. "Right," he agreed.
"There's a comfy spot Anya and I like to visit. Might be a good place to sit and eat, if ya want," Wes gave him a sideways glance.
Sean's face warmed, and he tried to will away the heat. "Sounds good."
Wes continued walking down the path for awhile, whistling as he went. Finally, he left the path in favor of the low brush at his left. Stepping between a couple of tall trees, Sean followed, and spied the soft grass that stood out among the bushes that surrounded it. His thoughts stalled out when he imagined what Wes and Anya might do here.
Wes sat down cross-legged, then tilted his head to the side, indicating the space next to him. Sean sat down gingerly, situating his bottle of beer and unwrapping his sandwich. He used his metal fingers to pop the lid off the bottle, and motioned for Wes to pass his over.
Wes chuckled and shook his head, accepting the opened bottle back from his friend. "That's pretty handy. Get it? Handy? Eh?" He waggled his eyebrows and laughed at his own ridiculous joke.
Sean snorted, and Wes grinned at him. They ate their roast beef sandwiches in silence. The occasional chitter from a bird sounded in the treetops above them, and a fly buzzed lazily over to inspect Wes's beer bottle. Wes shooed it away, chasing his last bite with a swallow of the golden liquid.
He exhaled in satisfaction and leaned back against the grass, lacing his fingers together behind his head. He glanced over at Sean, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Sean chewed slowly, ice rising in his veins as he wondered what Wes might say. Swallowing hard, he sipped at his drink, mouth suddenly dry.
Wes's eyes popped open, and he gazed up at the treetops. "So," he began. "You and Rune are having some trouble, huh?"
Sean answered, his voice coming out rough. "Yeah." He cleared his throat.
"What kind of trouble?" Wes prodded.
Sean looked away, his face scrunching up in disgust. "It's--- it's--- physical things," he answered haltingly. "It's my fault," he said quickly, looking at Wes, then shaking his head. "Rune didn't do anything wrong. It's just--- just me, and my stupid hangups."
Wes met his gaze. One foot jiggled restlessly as he chose his words.
"I'm assuming it's the sex that's problematic?" Wes tried to keep his tone light, casual.
Sean shrugged, his face red.
"Have you and Rune talked about it? What does she say?"
Sean scowled and said bitterly, "She's says it's 'fine' but I know I'm a disappointment."
Wes sighed. "You're not," he said quickly.
Sean countered hotly, "How can you say that? You can't know that." His hands balled into fists.
Wes sat up. His brow lowered. "What do you mean? We've been friends for almost a year, and you're saying I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about?"
Sean's voice rose as he leaned closer to Wes. "You have no idea what it's like!" His voice shook. "To--- to--- to love someone and not be able to..." he choked and looked away. "To show it," he finished in a whisper.
Wes remained quiet as he watched Sean try to reign in his emotions.
"That may be true," Wes began again. "But I'd like to help, if I can. You're my friend."
He scooted a little closer, till his shoulder bumped against Sean's. "You're pretty hard on yourself, you know that?"
Sean shrugged.
"Why do you do that to yourself?" Wes pressed. Sean held his breath, not trusting his voice. He looked away, unable to answer.
"You're a good-looking guy," Wes began, and Sean's expression twisted. "How can you say that? Just fucking look at my face!" he spat out, gesturing to the deep scars. Embarrassingly, he felt the prickle of hot tears behind his eye.
Wes put one hand at his back, but when Sean's shoulders stiffened, Wes dropped it. Sean held his breath as his jaw quivered. A tense silence held until he couldn't stand it anymore. He jumped up from the grass, tears blurring his vision as he cried, "I don't want your pity!"
He started to blindly step away, but Wes quickly rose and caught his arm. "Wait," he said, then pulled Sean into a hug and held him there. Sean stiffened, his heart pounding in his chest, and then a stifled sob wrenched out of his throat. Wes's arms felt solid and warm, and Sean couldn't help but lean into his embrace.
"I don't pity you," Wes said lowly. "I like you, man. I think you're attractive, okay? I'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass."
Sean stilled, and said in a choked voice, "What?"
"I said I think you're good-looking," Wes huffed out a laugh. "I just can't stand to hear you talk like that about yourself. You've got a lot to offer; don't sell yourself short."
"Really?" Sean pulled back to look Wes in the eye.
"I mean it," Wes said, his cheeks pink. He dropped his arms and ran a hand through his hair. "So you've got to believe in yourself, 'cause you're being an idiot." He gestured broadly. "You don't know what you're talking about, so you'd better listen to me. I've had a lot of relationships. With women and men. So," he shrugged. "I think I'm a pretty good judge," he spread his hands out, chuckling.
Sean's pulse thrummed in his ears. "I didn't know you... went with guys, too," he said awkwardly.
Wes nodded, his gaze searching. "I'm bi," he said, then added with a laugh, "Always have been." Sean looked away and blew out a breath. "Oh," he said, his face hot, and Wes grinned. "Now," he said. "C'mere." He tugged Sean's sleeve until Sean was again seated next to him on the grass.
"I'm gonna say something off the wall here, and if you don't like it, we can just head back and pretend this conversation never happened, okay?"
Sean nodded, his heart racing, though he hardly knew why.
"I've been told before that I'm pretty good at the physical stuff. You know, romance, sex, all that jazz." Wes paused, then began again, his voice pitched lower. "So if you wanted some hands-on help with any of that, I'm available." His lips curled up and he gave Sean a half-lidded stare.
Sean froze, unable to process what he was hearing. "Wh-what?"
"What I mean is, I can help you--- in bed, if you wanted," Wes clarified. "Just you and me."
Sean's thoughts stalled, and his chest felt tight. His fingers clutched at the grass at his sides, and he sucked in a shallow breath.
Suddenly Wes was in front of him, hands on his shoulders. "---got to breathe, man. Come on now. In," he demonstrated with an exaggerated inhale. "And out," he exhaled loudly. Sean struggled to follow his lead, choking on air a few times before his chest loosened enough for him to take some ragged breaths.
"That's it." Wes encouraged, his worried face coming into focus as the ringing in Sean's ears faded.
"You okay?" Wes asked, his brows lowered. "Sorry. What I said was way out of line, wasn't it?" He let go and pulled away, sitting back to create space between them.
Sean paused a moment longer, trying to sort out the overwhelm in his head.
"I---" he started, then stopped. He opened his mouth and shut it twice, then said haltingly, "I--- just--- never considered--- that before," he said, sucking in a breath and trying to hold it briefly. He was calming now, his mind clearing.
"Don't worry about it. Like I said," Wes's hands mimed a slow explosion, "...poof. It never happened." He watched Sean's face.
Sean's head popped up, and his eyes widened. "What would Anya say?" Then, to himself, he added, "What would Rune say?" He stared at Wes again, full of anxiety.
Wes swallowed. "Well, I can talk to them, privately, about it, if you want? Or we can talk to them together." He seemed to be holding his breath.
Sean felt like someone else's voice was coming out of his mouth, because it certainly wasn't his. "Yeah, okay," he heard himself answer.
Wes exhaled heavily, and stood, stretching his arms up over his head. Sean couldn't help but stare, and he looked away, his face hot with embarrassment.
"Cool. Let's head back, huh?" Wes said, offering his hand to Sean. Sean grabbed the empty beer bottles and reached out to Wes, who pulled him up easily. He took one of the bottles from Sean, then clapped him lightly on the shoulder with a smile.
Sean fell into pace next to Wes, his thoughts a million miles away. Wes didn't press for conversation, and the light breeze was the only sound besides their footsteps crunching back over the path.