If You'd Be So Willing

by Dianascanary

Summary:

You and Alex Morgan had never been particularly close, despite spending most of your 20s in each other's presence. You were always on the outskirts, flitting around each other. And that doesn't change, until after an angsty divorce, you decide to put your daughter on Alex's peewee soccer team. Now, you can't stay away from each other even if you tried.

Notes:

hello, new alex fic! This was supposed to be the chrislex fic i was talking about but then i realized i wanted this to be alex/you because i don't have one yet. If you want chrislex just go read none of your concern over and over like i do.

Chapter 1: one for the money

"She would've made such a lovely bride
What a shame she's fucked in the head." - Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift

"Are you all packed?!" You called up to your seven year-old daughter. You, of course, expected one answer, but you got another and you're not completely sure why you're surprised.

You had left her unsupervised. Why in the world would she be ready?

"Almost, Mommy!" The little girl called down from her room. The sound of her voice was strained, as though she was lifting somthing heavy.

"Do you need help?" Your eyebrows furrowed and you looked up the stairwell, even though you couldn't see into her room from there.

There was a pause, and then a thump, followed by a small 'oof', "Nope. My backpack strap was stuck on my bedpost. I'm coming down now!"

You heard the familar pitter patter of small, socked feet hitting the hardwood steps too quickly for your liking.

"Slow down, Ry." You admonished without looking up from where you were rummaging around the livingroom for your car keys. They were around there somewhere. They always were.

The pitter patter slowed into something more respectable, until it finally ended at the end of the staircase. You turned around just in time to watch your little daredevil jump off the last two steps with a loud "Ta-da!"

You didn't have the heart to scold her. She was excited and there was only so much energy her little body could take before it had to let it out somehow.

"Mommy! Today's the day! I'm so excited!" She shoved her feet into her Nike slides, as you pocketed your keys, then placed some snacks into your purse.

"I know, but you don't want to hurt yourself before tryouts." You ushered your daughter out the front door of your home, making sure to lock it behind you.

"Mommy. I'm a shoe in for the club team, Coach Kriegs already told me. I won't have to play with the babies anymore!" She jumped around, but stayed obediently by your side, waiting to follow your lead to the car.

You laughed at your daughter's arrogance. Depsite having your ex-wife's entire face, she got her attitude from you, "One, you're a baby yourself. Two, would it kill you to be a little modest?"

"Yes!" She screeched. Then she unceremoniously threw her backpack into the trunk of your blue Acura MDX. It landed haphazardly amongst the other various baby football equipment you kept back there on day's like today.

Fuck. You really were a soccer mom. No wonder you were comically single.

"And I'm not a baby! I'm seven and I read at a sixth grade level!" Your definitely-not-a-baby stomped her sandaled foot on the concrete of the driveway.

You pressed the button to close the trunk of the car, then grabbed your daughter's cheeks between your hands. You kissed her forehead until she squirmed away with laughter.

"You're my baby. Now, get into the car."

Ryan did as told, still beyond eager to get to your destination.

You hopped into the driver's seat before pulling out of your driveway and onto the open roads of your quiet Portland neighborhood.

"Yeah. I'm your baby. And Mama's! Which is why I'm going to be on the big kid team, and one day start on the senior national team. Gonna have medals just like you, Mommy." She kicked her gangly little legs in excitement.

You smiled brightly. There was no doubt in your mind about her statement, though, you still needed to work on that damned cockiness, "Damn right, Babygirl."

Ryan sang along to the radio for a few minutes before turning to look at you, you looked up at her through the rearview mirror, "You have a question, don't you?"

She nodded with a tinge of meekness, "Yeah. Is Mama coming? She can bring Christen!"

She sounded as though she was sorry for asking. Days like today you hated yourself for making her a child of divorce. But there was just no universe where you lasted in that relationship until she was 18. It would have been torture for all three of you.

It had just been you and Ryan for a little over three years, but clearly there was still some getting used to it. It was one of the reasons Ryan saw a child therapist every Monday. You should probably see one too.

But that was beside the point.

Somehow, you hadn't noticed until then, glancing at Ryan through the rearview mirror, that she was wearing a USWNT #17 jersey. The one you knew said 'Mom' in the place of 'Heath' on the back. She had dressed herself this morning.

You put your eyes back onto the street ahead of you, "You probably won't see her until the weekend, but I can text her."

You did just that at the next red light, making sure your phone wasn't connected to the car's speakers.

You: ur mini me wants to see u at her vv important practice today ⚽️

Tobin texted you back while you were still at the light. She normally responded pretty quickly where Ryan was concerned. Ryan was pretty much the only thing you two talked about.

Baby Mama: im sorry but chris has an ob/gyn appointment. ill see little cub this weekend

You rolled your eyes at the mention of Tobin's new wife and their pregnancy. You had nothing against Christen, and it wasn't like Tobin cheated on you with her, but it was still a little irritating to know that Tobin found immediate happiness after the divorce and the only thing that made you happy was a seven year old and, sometimes, your job.

You peaked at your daughter quickly, "She can't, Babes. Chris has a doctor's appointment. But you'll see them Friday evening."

You heard Ryan's head thud against the window she was next to, "Okay, it's fine. Whatever. Will Chloe be there?"

You plastered a smile on your face that was at least a modicum genuine. Chloe was the daughter of your best friend, Destiny. You had a sneaking suspicion that Ryan had a little crush on Chloe, "She's on the team, isn't she?"

The tips of Ryan's ears turned pink, "Yeah..."

You shrugged, feigning innocence, "Then one can only assume she will be."

"Okay...cool."

Ryan sat quietly for the rest of the car ride, until you pulled into view of the soccer complex, then she started breathing directly onto the window, despite knowing you hated that.

Your excitable puppy of a daughter was practically out of the car before you could park it.

---

Alex was going to kill Ali. She was going to have to kill her dead. Ashlyn was going to have to step up and actually be a mother because Alex was going to put Ali six feet under!

How dare she just spring this on her?! She had never expressed any desire to coach when she retired, so why was Ali doing this to her?

"Alex!" A small voice Alex hadn't heard in quite some time yelled. She barely had enough time to brace herself before a seven year old body was running into her legs.

"Oof. Hi, Little Tobs. Thanks for the warning. Sort of." She placed a hand on the child's head.

Ryan didn't bother letting go. She only hugged Alex tighter and stepped on her feet so Alex would have to walk with her. Alex shrugged, she supposed this was her life now.

"I don't like that nickname anymore. Call me something else." She scrunched her little button nose up in distaste. Alex's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Ryan normally loved that name, but granted the last time Alex saw her she had been almost five years old. Kids grow up fast.

"Okay...how about 'little alpha'? That work fo you?"

Ryan nodded happily, "Yes."

"Alright. Now, hop off, little alpha. You're getting too big for that."

Ryan stepped off with a small pout, "What are you doing here, anyway? Where's Coach Kriegs?"

Alex was about to answer when you bounded up to the duo, slightly out of breath and chest heaving.

"Ryan. What have I told you about running through parking lots?!"

Alex's throat seemed to dry up. Her brain short circuited. Her palms started to sweat.

What the hell? That had literally never happened before.

The last time she had saw you, was not the same time she had last seen Ryan. Ryan was with Tobin the last time she and Alex interacted. No, it had been closer to five years since she had seen you. And it was all she could do to not fall over. She stared at you wide eyed.

"Oh. Hi, Alex. What are you doing here? Where's Ali?" You asked, your tone identical to your daughter's. It would have been cute if Alex could comprehend literally anything that was happening right now.

Alex continued to gape, until a sharp pat on her back startled her into saying something. Anything at all.

"...Hi..." She breathed out like she had been mute all her life up until that morning.

The person who clapped her on the back came into view with a judging side eye before turning to you and Ryan.

"Hey, Y/N, Ryan. Alex is helping me out here for a few weeks. I've got some personal stuff to deal with and I might not be available as often as I would like, so AM13 here is my backup. Not like she had anything better to do." Ali answered with another pat to Alex's shoulder.

Your face softened in concern, "What kind of personal stuff?"

Ali glanced down at where Ryan was playing with a dandelion at their feet, "I'll tell you later."

You nodded in understanding before turning back to Alex. You grinned, "So, Coach Morgan?"

Please don't call me that.

Alex took a deep breath to soothe the heat that suddenly erupted in her...well,  her everywhere, "Yeah, I guess. But I was just going to let the kids call me 'Alex'."

Ryan looked up as if she suddenly remembered they were there, "Alex. I can show you my penalty kicks. I've been practicing."

"That's great, but you'll have to show me later. It's time for you to go stretch with everyone else." Alex gestured to where the group of about 20 other seven and eight year olds were gathering with an assistant coach.

Ryan didn't seem too enthused by the idea of leaving the adults, but after a pointed look from you, she trundled off toward the group.

Ali started laughing while you pinched the bridge of your nose, "God. She's just so...me."

"Well she already looks like Tobin, would you rather she act like her too?" Ali asked with a smirk. She already knew the answer.

"Hell no. I'll take what I can get."

Alex stood awkwardly inbetween the exchange, not wanting to interrupt despite having questions of her own. She opted for a polite smile that really just ends up looking like a pained grimace.

"You okay, Alex?" You asked, placing a comforting hand on Alex's bare arm.

Alex's skin sizzled, "Yes. I'm fine. Just a little cold."

Ali shrugged at the statement, clearly not believing it, but you grinned mischievously.

"Awe. Is Ms. Southern California a little chilly? Does she need longer sleeves?"

Alex crossed her arms in contempt and muttered out, "No. It's just a little breezy."

Ali rolled her eyes, "Gross. Anyway, I'm going to go start the munchkins on some drills. Alex, pay attention. You might have to do this by yourself next week."

Alex watched helplessly as Ali walked off, leaving her alone with you. She was more concerned about that than she was the whole coaching thing.

She could only hope that you would go sit in the stands with the other parents if she kept standing awkward and silent.

But God has never answered Alex's prayers.

"So, how long have you been in Portland? And why didn't you tell me you were here?" You sidled next to her, facing the field of supercharged children. Alex might be crazy, but she could have sworn she heard slight hurt in your voice.

She took a deep breath before speaking to release any of the residual shake from her voice, "About 4 and a half months. And we haven't exactly spoken in a while. Didn't think it was necessary.  Tobin knew, I figured she'd let it slip."

Ali scrambled around the pitch blowing her whistle furiously. Someone should really take that thing away from her.

"Well, she didn't. And you know how I feel about social media...it just would have been nice to hear from you I guess. You retired then fell off the face of the earth. Thought we were closer than that."

"I guess we're not."

Ryan tripped over her own feet, landing with a thud. Alex found herself holding her breath. An assistant coach came over to grab her under the arms and put her back on feet. Ryan laughed before scurrying off again. Alex continued breathing.

You scratched at your temple, "I heard about the divorce..."

Alex didn't even blink, "That was years ago, Y/LN."

"...Sorry."

"I heard about yours."

"That was years ago, Morgan."

Alex chuckled softly, "Touché."

Destiny jogged onto the pitch to help Chloe with something. Ali seemed distracted from then on.

"You saw that, right?" You asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You know I did." Alex was happy to have a way to kill Ali.

Ryan scored a goal and then proceeded to do the most convoluted celebration you had ever seen. How'd she even manage to remember all of that? You just shook your head.

"Why Portland? I thought you'd be a Cali girl for life."

Alex shrugged, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her training pants, "Wanted a change. Something was drawing me here. Still haven't quite figured out what yet."

"Hmm. Well, I hope you do."

With that you finally walked in the direction of the bleachers.

And in a weird turn of events, Alex thought she felt better when you were standing next to her.

Chapter 2: gotta get free

Notes:

My apologies for the delay. This adhd got hands

"When I grew up, was gonna be a superstar." - Life Itself by Glass Animals

You stared at Ryan with a loving smile as she jumped up and down in excitement. You put the car in park, in your designated place in Tobin's driveway; behind Christen's car so Tobin could come and go freely without either of you needing to move.

You could hear Ryan scrambling to undo her seatbelt, then reach for the door.

"Don't even think about it." You warned as you grabbed your purse and turned off the car.

"But it's Mama's driveway!" Ryan whined, throwing her long arms into the cabin.

"Ry. What are the rules?" You turned around in your seat to look her in the eye.

You could tell she was trying not to roll her own, "Wait for an adult to open my door. No matter where we are. When can I sit in the front?"

You laughed, getting out of the car and coming around to open her door, "You just need to be a couple inches taller and a few pounds heavier. Don't worry, it probably won't be long knowing you. You grow like a weed."

"Because I'm long like Mama?!" Ryan hopped out of the car, bouncing on her feet.

You grimaced, remembering just difficult it was to push your long ass baby out of you seven years ago, "Yeah. Like your Mama."

Ryan skipped excitedly toward the front door. She didn't bother knocking, she knew the door was unlocked for her, so it was easy to let herself in. In her excitement she almost let the door close on your face.

You kept your eye roll to a minimum. It had been years since you had felt this excited to see Tobin of all people. Though, you knew Ryan's excitement was more akin to you seeing your own mother than anything else.

You stepped into the house, closing the door behind you. Ryan didn't bother kicking off her shoes like you did. As soon as she spotted Tobin standing in the doorway of her livingroom, that was a wrap.

Ryan ran full speed at Tobin. Tobin, who was used to this, braced herself for impact. She caught Ryan and swung her around to sit on her hip with a grunt of effort.

"Mama! Guess what! I made the big kid team!"

"That's amazing, little cub. I'm so proud of you." Tobin gave Ryan a congratulatory kiss on the cheek.

You and Christen developed congruent looks of disapproval. Though, for different reasons.

"Tobin. Stop picking her up, she's getting too big and if you keep picking her up, she's going to expect me to keep picking her up." You crossed your arms over your chest.

Christen sidled up next to you, her pose similar, "Babe. You're going to throw out your back."

Tobin and Ryan wore identical scowls. At times, it was freaky just how alike they looked. Quite frankly, it annoyed you. You were the one who carried her for nine months, and all she got from you was her hair texture and attitude.

Tobin hadn't done anything laborious but fuck you. The scarred over mark on your neck burned uncomfortably. You scratched at it subtly.

"You know, when we got divorced I was under the impression you wouldn't act like my wife anymore...and Chris, my back is fine." As if to prove her point, Tobin adjusted Ryan so she was on said back. Ryan just giggled.

You rolled your eyes harshly, "Whatever. Why didn't you tell me Alex lived here now?"

"Most people start conversations off with a 'Hi. How are you?'." Tobin said as she finally placed Ryan back onto the ground.

Tobin had never been this sassy when you were together. If you rolled your eyes again, they'd surely fall out of your head.

"Hi Tobin, Christen. Why didn't you tell me about Alex?"

Ryan seemed to get bored of the conversation, she grabbed a water bottle from the kitchen then headed toward the game room.

Tobin gave you a look you couldn't quite decipher, "Since when do you care about Alex Morgan's whereabouts?"

It was a great question. You didn't really have an answer. Your past with Alex was complicated to say the least. You spent most of your career competing for the same roster spots. And when you weren't doing that, you were either too close to be considered friends or on opposite sides of the country.

Then you started dating Tobin. And she started dating Kelley. Then you stopped caring. And you hadn't started caring again until you saw her three days prior. Now, you cared a bit too much.

"Well, I don't know. You're pretty good friends so I thought it would just come up in conversation. Like 'hey, b-t-dubs Alex is here and she's coaching our daughter's academy team. Anyway, when did Ry stop liking lucky charms'."

Tobin's odd look persisted. She exchanged glances with Christen. They were having a conversation. You used to be able to do that. Now, Tobin might as well be a stranger to you.

"We don't really talk that much, Y/N." Tobin spoke slowly like she was trying to break the news to you gently. It didn't stop the realization from hitting you like a car.

"Yeah, okay. Sorry, I asked."

"To be honest, I figured you knew. I mean wouldn't you have heard about that since you work for the Thorns?"

You shook your head, "I'm an analyst, quite frankly, the goings on of anything under U-17s is below my pay grade."

Tobin looked as though she was about to say something, however, Ryan called for her from the game room.

"Mama! My switch won't connect to the TV!"

Tobin smiled fondly, "Duty calls."

"You spoil her."

Tobin's smile widened even further, "You know it."

When Tobin left the room you turned to Christen. For a woman who was 5 months pregnant, she didn't look haggard in the slightest.

"Christen, you're glowing."

Christen laughed softly, "Thanks, doesn't feel like it."

You nodded in understanding, "And it won't until at least three years after they're born. Your wife makes big babies. Especially their heads."

"Epidural?"

"Numb that shit up, sister. I regret rejecting it to this day."

The two of you shared a hardy laugh, before you said your good byes and vacated the premises as quickly as you could.

---

"So, how's the baby mama and step wife?"

Your nose scrunched at the titles Destiny insisted upon for Tobin and Christen, "You mean Tobin and Christen? My ex-wife and her wife?"

Destiny took a hearty sip of her cocktail, "We're saying the same thing. Answer the question."

You sat back in your seat with a huff, taking your own swig of the alcoholic beverage in front of you.

Your surroundings made themselves obvious as a rowdy group of frat boys entered your favorite Portland dive bar. Your nose scrunched up again, but this time in distaste as the smell on the alpha men wafted over to you. Destiny wasn't fairing much better.

"They're okay. Tobin still insists on picking Ry up. Christen looks fucking magnificent. Like always." It was hard to keep your jealousy to a minimum. Luckily, Destiny wouldn't comment on it.

"You seem more on edge than normal. Did Tobin say something at drop-off?" Destiny's phone pinged with a text message. It was flipped onto its screen. Something Destiny didn't do around you...

Though, if she had the decency to not comment on your obvious misplaced jealousy, then you should have the decency to not comment on her being a general whore.

"Tobin always says something, but that's not it. It's-I don't know."

Destiny's dark eyes narrowed at you. She was reading you. Since the day you met in lamaze class, you had unearthed a certain telepathy. Destiny's favorite book was your mind.

"Is it because of Alex?"

Your eyes narrowed. How could she have possibly guessed that? You had never shared any information regarding your...association...with Alex to anyone. Though, at times, you think Ali and even Kelley had suspected something.

"What do you think you know?"

Destiny sipped at her drink again. A small smile playing at the corner of her mouth, "I don't think I know anything. I know I know something, though, I'll keep it to myself for now."

"Yeah, it'd be in your best interest if you did."

Destiny hummed away your meaningless threat easily.

Out of the corner of your eye you notice someone closing in on your table. Seconds later a passing waiter set a shot down in front of.

"Oh, we didn't order-"

The waiter shook his head and stopped you with a soft laugh, "I know. The woman at the end of the bar did. She tipped me really well too."

The waiter left with another easy going laugh and a pat to Destiny's shoulder. You eyed the direction he had pointed.

The woman, clearly an alpha, was relatively attractive. She was the normal height and build you usually went for. She didn't immediately creep you out when she made eye contact with you. But something was still...off.

You turned back to Destiny who had already thrown back your gifted shot. She knew you well enough to know your tells for being done for the night.

"I'm not sure why you're still staring at me and not halfway to being on your knees in a restroom stall right now."

You shook your head lightly, "I don't know why either..."

"Look, Babes, you may be a mother, but you're still hot, relatively young, and most importantly, single. The kid is with her mother, Ali is on the way to pick me up, and when you weren't looking I gestured for her to come over here. You've got 5 seconds to look enthusiastic."

You couldn't help the smile that threatened at your lips, "You want me out of your hair because you're fucking Ali, aren't you?"

"Six ways to Sunday."

You out right laugh at that, "Whore."

Destiny shrugged happily, "I'm trying to get you like me. Look, in all seriousness, I'm not saying you have to go home with this stranger, but loosen up, if she doesn't make the cut, just call Alex."

You gasped at her smugness, "You don't know anything!"

"Night, Babes. Text me when you get to someone's home." With that Destiny vanished into the dim bar light. You didn't even have a second to recover before someone was talking to you again.

"Is this seat taken?"

Fuck. Her voice. It was slow and calm like Tobin's, yet raspy in the way Alex's could get.

And suddenly, it hit you like a wave. Either this woman was some kind of magician, or fuck, it had just been that long. Eithet way, you were very interested in seeing where the night led.

Your eyes drift to her lips, "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

The lips you're eyeing curl into a mischievous smirk.

20 minutes later, the predicament Destiny wanted for you, became a reality. And you became aware of just how untaken that seat was. Well, until it's taken by you.

---

Alex stared at the back of Ali's head with a small smile playing at the corner of her lips.

They were supposed to managing the roster, so they could give to the equipment managers by the end of the day, but Alex had gotten bored of that activity around fifteen minutes prior.

She currently was preoccupied with catching Ali off gaurd. It would be a much better use of her time.

"So, what's going on with you and Y/N's friend?" Alex primed her voice to sound as casual as she possibly could.

Ali spoke without even looking up from her paperwork, "What's going on with you and Y/N?"

Alex sputtered, "What? Nothing's going on. Why do you even ask?"

Ali finally turned around with a smile of her own, "Why did you ask about Destiny?"

"Fine. I'll drop it."

Ali chuckled lightly, she flicked her pen at Alex, "Yeah, for the next 15 minutes maybe. It's casual. We're both adults with needs."

Alex's grimaced deepened, "Since when do you do casual?

"Since my divorce from the woman who cheated on me." Alex looked back down at her paperwork.

"Ali..."

Ali rolled her eyes, "I don't want to hear it, Alex. I'm an adult. I know what I'm doing."

"Okay, well...use protection."

Ali's smile returned, "You too."

"I'm not-"

"Not yet. It's inevitable."

Alex shook her head. Ali was delusional on the best of days.

Chapter 3: salt in the wound

"Yeah, I ran 'til I couldn't and I screamed, until my voice was gone." -Salt by Bad Suns

You sat inbetween Tobin and Destiny on the bleachers with an exhausted huff. It had been a long weekend, for many different reasons, and you were excited to finally relax, see your daughter, and get back to reality this upcoming week.

As was normally the case during soccer season, Tobin would bring Ryan to her weekend games and you would pick her up from them. It was rare that you both had time to watch her games together. Most of the time Tobin had something or other to do.

"She'll love that you stayed." You spoke softly to Tobin, but your eyes were straying to the woman down on the sidelines standing in the middle of a circle of children.

Alex, despite the complaining that Ali had told you about, was a natural with kids. She was gentle, attentive, yet firm when the situation called for it. You bit your lip. You were hard pressed to admit the sight was attractive, even in your head.

"I know. I had the time and it's the first game of the season. She's gonna be pissed she's not starting, though."

You were already anticipating that you wouldn't hear the end of that. Quite frankly your daughter needed to be humbled. She thought she was God's gift to soccer. You assumed she'd just grow out of it. Maybe she could learn a thing or two from Alex. Alex wasn't humble, but she was tolerable.

You were still staring at the back of Alex's head when she suddenly turned around, making eye contact. Not knowing what to do with being caught, you opted to give her a small wave. You could see her make an odd, unreadable face before turning back to her job.

Your cheeks heated.

Destiny, because she studied your every move like a textbook, turned to you with a raised eyebrow, "What was that about? Why didn't she wave back?"

Your eyes flicked to Tobin, making sure she wasn't privy to your conversation. You weren't sure why, but it didn't exactly feel right to have your ex-wife in on your girly gossip about another woman.

Tobin was absorbed into the game, suredly taking notes of the play so she could give Alex and Ali unsolicited advice once the game was over.

You turned your body into Destiny, "I'm not sure but she was acting weird earlier when I said hello. Like weirder than she normally acts around me."

Destiny's mouth twisted in thought before she spoke again, "Did you hug her?"

Your eyebrows furrowed, "Yes?", you were a hugger, Destiny knew that. You weren't sure what that would have had to do with anything.

Destiny leaned closer toward you before sniffing loudly.

You blinked in confusion, and backed up, "I'm sorry, can I help you?"

Destiny rolled her eyes and chortled, "She's being weird because you smell like an alpha. Did you come up for air at all this weekend?"

You grimaced. You kinda hadn't come up for air all weekend. You weren't sure what had gotten into you. And it was still in you because you had planned to see the woman again at the end of this week as well.

But that was beside the point. Why would Alex care if you smelled like another alpha? She smelled like other omegas sometimes and you didn't bat an eyelash. You asked Destiny that very question.

"Well obviously she likes you and is jealous." Destiny said as if telling you 2 plus 2 equaled 4.

You couldn't even dignify that with a response other than a frantic head shake. Destiny shrugged, not bothering to fight you on it.

You sat uncomfortable until half time.

Ryan bounded up to you and Tobin happily. You watched as Alex attempted to gather her attention, but ultimately shrugged it off. Your daughter was a determined little bugger.

"Hi, Mama, Mommy. I think Coach Kriegs is going to put me in soon. I'm like a super sub." Ryan spoke around the orange slices she was chewing on, now perched on Tobin's thigh.

"That's good, Baby, but don't you think you should go back to your team so you can get directions for the next half?" You suggested lightly.

Ryan looked confused at the suggestion, "But Mama's here?"

Tobin laughed, "I'm not going anywhere, little cub. In fact, Chris is on her way to watch you play, too. So, you better get back down there. Alex is waving for you."

Ryan looked toward the bench, and sure enough, Alex was flapping her arms around wildly, "Oh. Okay, well make sure Chris can see me over her belly."

Ryan rejoined her team before either of you could say anything.

You covered your face with your hands and shook your head slowly. Destiny laughed next to you.

"Did she just call my wife fat?"

---

Christen joined your group just in time to see Ryan score with an assist from Chloe. The two shared a quick hug that Ryan blushed all the way through.

"Aww, Tobs she's just like you when you have a crush." Christen said with a laugh. Tobin's blush was identical to your daughter's.

And Christen was probably right, but all you could think about was how you had known Alex to do the same thing in response to you a few times years ago.

You knew Alex probably had some feelings for you once upon a time, but it was hard to believe she harbored any now.

Your eyes fixed back onto the game. Chloe was tripped by a child on the opposite team. She was fine, she bounced back up and was about to continue her run when your child ran in her direction with her hands stretched out in front of her.

You watched in a mix of amusement and horror as Ryan shoved the poor kid to the ground then immediately started crying once she realized what she had done.

You stood up without thinking, absolutely ready to hightail it down to the field and comfort your baby. Tobin grabbed the back of your shirt, and Alex placed her hand up in your direction without even looking at you.

You had half a mind to be offended that they both knew you so well.

"Sit down. She's okay. Alex's got it." Tobin assured, pulling you gently back down into your seat.

You crossed your arms in defiance. Tobin and Alex wouldn't get it. It was an omega thing. Your baby was upset, she needed you. And yet, you stayed seated, making no move to get back up when Tobin released you and Alex finally put her hand down.

"Tobin. She's crying." You helpfully point out like it'll get her to change her mind about letting you run to Ryan.

"I see that. But look, Alex is calming her down. She'll be okay." Tobin gestured in their direction.

You observed as Alex kneeled down to Ryan's height. She said something that had Ryan pouting but nodding along, then she opened her arms for a hug before shooing her back onto the pitch. As soon as Ryan got back on, she seemed to apologize to the girl she pushed.

"See? You have to stop babying her." Tobin said proudly.

You rolled your eyes, "I'll stop "babying" her when you stop picking her up."

Tobin frowned. Christen chuckled softly from beside her.

Destiny cleared her throat, you turned to her with a questioning expression. She leaned into you, her voice a low murmur, "Hot, single, good with your kid? She's practically begging for you to fuck her."

You flicked her thigh. She only laughed.

"Is that all you think about?"

Destiny's eyes trailed back to the bench and you knew exactly who she was staring at as she bit lightly at her fingernail, "Not normally, but look who's standing next to her and harbouring the exact same traits. Chloe is with my mom tonight, and it's the ex-witch I mean wife's turn to take Ocean and Sloan. I'm going to try to kill her tonight."

"You terrify me."

"No, I don't."

You shrugged, "No, you don't. Use protection. Anyway, what's going on with Ashlyn anyway? I know she's part of the reason Ali can't coach as much."

Destiny's eyes took on a downright murderous glint, "Geriatric Jojo Siwa is fighting for more custody and because Ali and Paula Wall are both alphas the court is acting like they've never heard a custody case before. There's been a lot of home visits and back and forth. Hopefully it'll be over by mid season."

"Damn. Wanna slash Ashlyn's tires?"

Destiny sighed solemnly, "Ali won't let me."

"She doesn't have to know."

"What? Like Tobin and Alex would do it? She'd know, Babes."

Destiny had a point, "Dammit."

"It's okay. Just let her handle it. And I'll handle fucking her."

Your brows furrowed together, "Why don't you just date her?"

"Same reason you won't date anyone."

Destiny had another point, "Touche. I'll drop it."

"Thank you."

---

After the game, Ryan walked up to you uncharacteristically resigned despite the fact that her team won.

"I have to help with clean up because I pushed that girl and got a yellow. I gotta say bye to Mama and Chris first."

You nodded in understanding. Ryan practically tripped over herself to get to Tobin, who naturally, picked her up. They exchanged a few words before Tobin put Ryan down with a grunt of effort, and then Ryan ran back to help clean up.

You were so thankful Tobin didn't Ashlyn you. If she had, you would have killed her.

You waved Tobin and Christen off to their cars, standing by yours until Ryan was finished.

"Didn't know the kid had that in her."

You knew Alex was approaching by the sound of her footsteps and the soft scent of her on the air.

You laughed softly, "I did. She's not like Tobin all of the time. Her play style is more reminiscent of yours to be honest. Right down to the temper tantrums."

"Hey. I've grown, thank you very much."

You looked up at Alex, she was back lit by the field lights, but you could still make out just about every one of her sharp features.

"Yeah. You have. Thank you for calming her down. She's been really sensitive since the divorce." You bit your lip.

Alex hummed, "And how have you been, since the divorce? I know it's been a while, but I know I still think about mine sometimes."

You shook your head lightly, "It is what it is, I guess. Could be worse. Can finally sleep with people again. So, I guess that's a plus."

Alex's eyes darkened for a quick second before she took a step closer to you, "Y/N. You can talk to me, if you ever need to. I've been told I'm a great listener. Or we like don't have to talk. We can do other things."

You raised an eyebrow at her statement, "Other things like what, Alex?"

"I-muhh I...did I misspeak?"

You didn't bother to answer, happy to see her squirm like she had been making you do earlier.

You both stood their in silence for a few beats, then Alex spoke again. Her voice soft, a borderline whisper.

"Do you remember when we almost um..." Her cheeks took on a deep rosy hue.

"Kissed? Which time? France in 2019? Tokyo in 2021?" You asked without any hindrance in your voice. This conversation was taking a turn, but you were determined to see it out. Determined to gain back some control whenever you were in Alex's presence.

Alex's gaze hardened once more, "Which ever one pushed you into Tobin's arms."

You laughed with little humor, "Which one were you married during again?"

"...both..."

"Maybe that's what it was, alpha. I'm no homewrecker." You patted Alex's chest placatingly.

"That's what you think."

You didn't know what Alex meant by that, and you didn't care, "I remember all of it, but it's irrelevant now. Look, Alex, I dont know what's going on with you, but we can be friends. We're adults and professionals. Whatever happened between us in the past is in the past. Okay?"

Alex only grunted noncommittally.

Ryan skipped over running directly into Alex's legs, "Alex! I helped!"

"Good job, Little Alpha. No more pushing, okay?"

"Aye aye, Cap'n!" Ryan saluted up at Alex with a giggle.

You were thankful for the interruption, "Alright, get in the car, Bruiser. It's getting late."

"Bye bye, Alex!" Ryan hopped into the car with little fuss, clearly exhausted.

"She'll sleep well tonight...will you?" Alex asked, her hands stuffed into her jogger's pockets.

"I feel like you're not asking me what you really want to."

"I'm not, but it's none of my business anyway. Have a nice night, Y/N." Alex didn't wait for an answer, she just walked away with a hunch to her shoulders towards her car.

You watched with a questioning frown.

"Mommy, hurry! I'm sleepy."

"Sorry, Baby. I'm coming."

With that, you hopped into your car, just as confused by Alex as you had been for the last two weeks.

Chapter 4: it's over and we know

"This was a home once. With so much love comes so much pain." - This Was A Home Once by Bad Suns

Ryan's feet shuffled along the carpet of your livingroom. Her socked feet were sure to be conjuring up an electric shock that she was going to accidentally place upon you inevitably.

You took a few seconds to take in her outfit. You had birthed a bit of a fashion icon. She took after you in that department. You were happy to pass off the duty of making sure Tobin looked presentable to Christen as soon as she was willing to take over.

Ryan had been dressing herself just about as soon as she could walk. She had on a pair of straight leg jeans with a plain t-shirt and jean jacket over it. Her outfit matched yours perfectly, you weren't sure if she had done that on purpose.

She held a necklace Tobin had gifted her in her hands. Seemingly reluctant to ask for your help to put it on like she normally would.

"Everything okay, babygirl?"

Said babygirl looked up at you with sad eyes, "Do I have to go to therapy today? I got upset last time and I didn't like it."

You sighed and set your purse back down on the end table you had just gathered it from.

Ryan watched as you approached her. You stopped in front of, placing your hands under her arms and gathering her in your arms with a grunt so you were face to face.

Ryan let out a small giggle.

"You know, pretty soon you're going to be picking me up and maybe even changing my diapers."

Ryan's little nose scrunched up, "Eww, Mommy. That's gross."

"I did it for you. Anyway, baby, I know therapy can be a lot, but you have to go so you can get those feelings out. It's hard to talk about our feelings, but it's not safe to keep them in for long. You know how we go to your doctor sometimes even when you're not sick?"

Ryan nodded slowly in understanding.

"Well, every couple of weeks we gotta do the same for your feelings. You stay healthy for soccer that way." You wiggled your fingers at Ryan's stomach, causing her to giggle and squirm out of your arms.

"Why don't you go to therapy then, Mommy?"

You're not proud of yourself for the surprised sputter you let out, nor the fact that you didn't expect that question from your inquisitive child.

"You have feelings, too, and I know there's some stuff you can't tell me because I'm too young to understand yet. Oh, I know! Alex can be your therapist! She listens really well when I tell her my feelings." Ryan smiled triumphantly as if she had just figured out time travel.

"Alex doesn't have a license." You blinked.

Ryan blinked back at you in confusion. She's seven, she has no clue what a therapist license is.

You pretended to look at your watch, "Oh, would you look at the time! We're going to be late for your appointment! Get on your shoes!"

You just might be a horrible mother.

---

Ryan colored in the picture she had drawn. This was her favorite activity during her therapy sessions. She much preferred it over the video games and other playthings in her therapist's office.

Determined to color inside the lines she had created, she stuck her tongue out in concentration.

"Can I join you, Ryan?"

Ryan nodded but didn't look up from her masterpiece.

"What are we drawing?"

"Well, I already drew everything but you can help me color in the sky, Dr. Wilson. It has to be pink, though."

Dr. Wilson picked up a stray pink marker and started working on a small corner of the paper, so most of the work would still belong to Ryan, "Why pink? Aren't skies normally blue?"

"Not at all the time. Not at sunset. Not at my games. And it's Mommy's favorite color."

Dr. Wilson nodded in understanding, "You're right, my apologies. Is this your mommy in your picture?"

Ryan nodded happily. If Dr. Wilson could decipher her drawing then clearly she had captured your likeness well. She must be the best artist in the world.

Dr. Wilson pointed to the smaller blob next to the you shaped blob, "And this is you, clearly."

"Yep!"

"Who is this third person next to you? Is that your Mama?" Dr. Wilson had years of deciphering child drawings under her belt. She knew this third person was not Tobin. She knew that Ryan hadn't drawn you and Tobin in the same picture in about a year.

Ryan stopped her scribbling, her shoulders slumped after a noncommittal shrug, "I don't know."

"Oh. Does your Mommy have a new friend?"

Ryan's lip began to tremble, "No. Mommy doesn't have a lot of friends. Not like Mama and me do."

Dr. Wilson nodded again softly, "I noticed your Mom isn't smiling in this picture. Why's that?"

"I don't think Mommy is happy. I was gonna draw her and someone else holding hands and she was gonna smile." A few tears fell from Ryan's eyes.

"Did she tell you that?"

Ryan shook her head frantically, "No. But I can tell. I'm really smart. Mama laughs with Chris, but Mommy doesn't have anyone to laugh with."

Dr. Wilson eyed the drawing again, "Is there someone you want to make your mommy laugh?"

Ryan thought about if for a few seconds, then she wiped at her eyes and nose, "Yeah. Coach Alex."

"Is this Coach Alex in your drawing?"

Ryan seemed to look shocked that her therapist figured that out, "Yeah. They talk and hug sometimes. Mommy sometimes smells like alphas and I don't think Alex likes it very much because she gets a little yell-y at practice when that happens."

Dr. Wilson couldn't help but chuckle at the image. She had a feeling you had no idea just how observant your daughter was.

"I try to hug and kiss Mommy more but Alex still notices." Ryan shrugged before going back to her drawing for a few seconds, "I just want Mommy to be happy."

Dr. Wilson put down her marker, "Have you told her this? If not, I think you should. She might be sad for a few seconds, but I think she'll be happy to know that she has such an amazing daughter that cares about her."

Ryan blushed lightly, "Okay, but I'm not telling her the Alex part."

Dr. Wilson smiled, "Okay, that stays between us. It's been an hour so let's get you back to your Mommy."

Ryan folded her picture into a small square that fit into her pocket, "Okay."

A few minutes later saw you and Ryan walking away from the office.

"How was it?" You asked.

Ryan didn't outright smile but she didn't frown either, "It was fine. I got a little upset but it was okay."

"You don't have to tell me what you spoke about but remember if you want to talk about something with me you can, okay?"

Ryan nodded this time a small smile on her lips, "I know, Mommy. I'm not ready, yet, but I'll tell you soon."

"Great. Now, how about we get some ice cream from somewhere? Maybe we can even see if your Mama and Christen want to come."

Ryan jumped up and down in excitement, "Can we invite Alex, too?"

Was your child trying to kill you all of a sudden?

Your mouth had already begun to form some sort of excuse but Ryan looked so hopeful you couldn't get the words out. What would be the harm in asking? Hopefully, Alex would be busy.

"Sure."

Ryan squealed with eagerness.

You pulled out your phone with a sigh.

You: ryan had therapy today and we're going to get ice cream. This is your and the step wife's formal invitation

Baby Mama: the parlor by ur place i assume?

You: yep

Baby Mama: k. will be there.

Baby Mama: can alex come 2? she's already w us

Your eye started twitching.

You: the more the merrier!

Baby Mama: great see u in a few

"Everyone is on their way! Let's go make sure we can get a good seat!" You deserved an Oscar for the performance you were about to put on.

Sure, you had told Alex that you were both adults who could hold adult conversations without falling back into whatever it was you were doing before you got married, but that didn't mean you wanted to spend more time with her than you had to.

It was easier to do all of that stuff if you only had to see her twice a week.

Ryan practically dragged you to your car, and then into the local ice cream shop.

You had beaten your companions there so you took the liberty of finding your group a table toward the back corner of the shop. It was rare that you got recognized since your retirement, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Especially, on a warm summer evening like it was.

Ryan's patience surprised you. You had encouraged her to go pick her ice cream flavor, but she had refused to do so. Insisting that she couldn't until Tobin arrived and they sampled every single ice cream like they always did.

You only smiled and sat down with her, watching as her legs happily swung back and forth in her chair.

"Mommy? Before everyone else gets here, can I tell you something really quick?" Ryan was looking down at a folded piece of paper in her hands, her voice only slightly above a whisper.

"Of course, baby."

She handed you the picture, "I drew this with Dr. Wilson. She colored the sunset for me. It's pink. Your favorite color."

You smiled at her knowledge of you, but you did notice that your portrait wasn't smiling.

"I-uh-I know I'm not supposed to get into adult business, but I know you don't laugh a lot anymore. And I just want you to be happy."

You swallowed harshly, it was a miracle you kept any of the tears knocking at your eyelids at bay. Your thoughts began to race a mile a minute, but you didn't have much time to process them. You could see Tobin's car pull into the space next to yours out the corner of your eye.

"Thank you, Baby. I promise you make me the happiest woman in the world and you do not need to worry about me, okay?"

Ryan didn't look convinced but she smiled and nodded anyway.

You looked at the third person in the drawing, "Who is this, Babygirl?"

Ryan looked out the window at Alex, "No one."

And just like you hadn't convinced her, she hadn't convinced you. But that was a problem for another day.

"Did someone get their head shrunk today?" Tobin asked, she grabbed Ryan and launched her into the air.

"Tobin. Your back." Christen beat you to your admonishment.

Tobin rolled her eyes, "She treats me like I'm the pregnant one."

Alex stretched dramatically, "Well, I don't have any back problems like Old Man Tobs here." She snatched Ryan away and threw her over her shoulder.

Ryan laughed loudly, "Alex, put me down!"

"Did you guys hear something?" Alex asked playfully.

You couldn't help your smile. You could only be grateful this was happening before your seven year old had consumed any ice cream. Otherwise, it would surely be coming up all over your shoes right about now.

"Alex!" Ryan giggled again.

"Oh, hey, little alpha! How'd you get up there?" Alex set a dizzy Ryan back onto her feet.

Tobin offered Ryan her hand, "C'mon, Cub, lets go try all of the flavors."

Christen sat down across from you, Alex sat down next to you, even though there was an extra seat on the other side of Christen.

You didn't say anything about it.

"Ready to pop?" You asked Christen with a knowing eyebrow raise.

"Like no one's business. Every time I fall asleep he starts practicing his penalty kicks."

You eyes shoot up in surprise, "He? It's a boy!?"

Christen smiled, "Yes, but please don't tell Ryan, Tobin wants to do it herself."

You nodded in understanding, "I get it, Chris. I won't say anything. And I'm happy for you two. I really am."

"I know. And it means a lot."

Alex shifted uncomfortably next to you. You weren't sure if it was purposeful, but she ended up a little closer to you.

"You can name him 'Alex'." Alex suggested with a lazy smirk.

You found yourself laughing even though, Alex's joke wasn't even really that funny.

Ryan turned to you curiously for a few seconds before going back to sampling ice creams.

Christen rolled her eyes playfully, "Tobin would sooner name him Ryan 2 before she named him Alex. No offense."

Alex pouted, "A little taken."

You rubbed Alex's back placatingly, "It's okay, Al. You'll get your Alex Jr. someday."

Alex made a face before changing the subject, to something that had you immediately tuning out, your attention drawing to the sound of the chime above the door to the parlor.

A flush immediately overcame you as you eyed the person who had just walked into the store.

It was the woman you had sort of been seeing. Well, you hadn't seen her in a couple of weeks, hadn't spoken to her in a few days.

It was only a matter of time before she saw you and Alex who was close enough to be touching. Though, you find yourself not that opposed to the turn of events.

Before you can do anything, your senses are overwhelmed by a flowery scent, one that has you borderline purring, one that smells suspiciously like Alex Morgan.

You turned to look at her with a glare. She pretended to not notice you're staring. Keeping her eyes on Christen as she spoke.

"Did you just scent me?" Your voice sounded more like a growl than it's usual purr. You were pissed to say the least. What ever happened to acting like  adults? Did that conversation go in one ear and then out the other?

Alex turned to you with a barely disguised smirk, "Oh. Did I? My bad. By the way, that alpha over there is waving at you."

You huffed loudly and stood, "Grow up," you then walked over to the woman.

Alex turned back to Christen with a laugh.

Christen didn't seem to find the situation as amusing, "Why'd you do that?"

"Do what?"

Christen shook her head, "If you like her, just tell her. Otherwise, she's just going to think you're being an asshole for the fun of it and you're going to run her off into some other alpha's arms. Again."

Alex sat back in her chair, her arms crossed over her chest. She had a better view of you this way. You were laughing, closer to that alpha than Alex would consider appropriate. Did the alpha not care that you probably reeked of Alex?

Alex turned back to Christen after witnessing you blush and bite your lip, "And if I am? Just being an asshole, that is."

"Then I hope she kicks you in the balls and never speaks to you again."

Alex whistled, "Damn, CP."

"I only say that because I know you're not just being an asshole. I see things, you know? You've liked her for a very long time, and she knows that but I don't think she's gotten used to the idea yet. Just be patient with her."

"Yeah. Patient." Alex mumbled back. She had been patient for over a decade. Her patience was wearing thin.

Eventually, you returned to your seat with a small ice cream cone. Tobin and Ryan were still sampling.

Alex considered it a small triumph that you still smelled like her and not that alpha, though, she couldn't keep her general annoyance out of her voice, "Got a hot date?"

You scoffed, "No. I told her I'm not looking to date and we should stop seeing each other. Still got free ice cream, though. She's a gentlewoman. You could learn a thing a thing or two."

Alex supposed that was warranted, "I'm sorry for scenting you. It was petty and childish."

You smiled, "Apology accepted."

Alex gave you a light fist bump.

You licked a stripe up the side of your cone to keep any ice cream from dripping on you. Alex cleared her throat.

"If you had just asked I probably would have let you." You said in between more licks.

Alex abruptly excused herself.

Chapter 5: jesus christ, that's a pretty face

"Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die, I'm a little bit scared of what comes after. Do I get the gold chariot? Do I float through the ceiling? Do I divide and fall apart?" - Jesus Christ by Brand New

Alex looked over to her peacefully sleeping wife. She couldn't make out her features well in the dim light of the hotel room, but they had been together long enough that Alex could probably draw them from memory.

Kelley had been sleeping for hours, while Alex had been wide awake staring at ceiling like she wasn't at one of the most important tournaments of her career. And fuck, she needed to sleep to be at her best, but she just couldn't. She couldn't sleep.

There were so many thoughts about so many different things running up and down the hills and valleys of her mind. None of them more important than the other, but all fighting for her attention.

This feeling how unwelcome, wasn't new.  It was her own doing. It was the guilt. The guilt gnawed at the gray matter of her brain like a parasite. The guilt kept her up at night.

And she hadn't done anything. Not really. But she had thought about. Dreamed about when exhaustion finally did overwhelm her in the wee hours of the morning. She wanted it. Longed for it.

Alex was guilty of wanting to leave the bed she was currently lying naked in beside her equally naked wife.

Alex was guilty of saying no to the right people and yes to the wrong ones.

Alex was guilty of being selfish.

And in her defense, you caught her off gaurd.

She didn't expect you. She didn't expect to like you. She didn't expect you to like her. Friend or otherwise. She didn't expect you to ask her about her liking you. You didn't expect her to lie.

Every night she prayed you understood. Maybe that's why she couldn't sleep. She prayed you understood that she was a married woman. Had been for five years. And she was loyal or at least she tried to be.

Kelley didn't deserve any of that. She couldn't do that to her.

Alex couldn't do a lot of things.

She couldn't trust herself around you. It was she who had leaned in. It was you who leaned away.

She couldn't stay away from you. It was she who had leaned in. It was you who leaned away.

She couldn't fucking sleep.

Kelley shifted away from Alex in her sleep. Turning her head in the opposite direction with a soft snore.

Alex timed her escape perfectly. She sat up and peeled herself away from the mattress in time with Kelley's movement.

She was ever thankful they weren't in Olympic Village with the horrible cardboard beds.

She put on the US Soccer shirt that was laying at the foot of the bed, then found a pair of miscellaneous shorts in her suitcase. Slipping those on before shoving her feet into nearby slides.

She wouldn't be gone for long. She just needed a break. A walk around the hotel to clear her head.

Slipping out of the room undetected was as easy as slipping out of her bed. Once in the hallway, she sighed heavily and shook her head.

Her walk eventually found her at the hotel pool. She used her key card to unlock the door, the sound startling a person who had the same idea as her.

Alex let out a small chuckle. She closed the door softly, then trudged over to the edge of the pool. Her now slide-less toes dipping into the cool water.

"Fancy meeting you here," Alex's tired voice could barely be heard over the rhythmic lapping of the pool water.

"Couldn't sleep," You shrugged.

Alex looked down at her hands to keep from staring at you, it didn't work, "Me neither."

"Nervous about the game?"

Alex thought about it for a few seconds, "No. Not about the game."

You turned to look at Alex, she was already gazing back at you, "About something else then?"

Alex only nodded.

Then there the two of you sat. Waiting for the other to speak. Alex's eyes dropped to your lips. It was like she couldn't help it. There was an invisible string people her along like a dog.

You didn't pull back as quickly as you had last time. Instead, it seemed you had another tactic. For a second you were even closer, your breath mingling, heat exchanging, then you placed a hand over Alex's rapidly racing heart. You weren't pushing her away, but you definitely weren't letting her get any closer either.

Alex thought she was going to explode.

"Alex...I'm pregnant."

Alex thought she was going to cry then explode.

"Oh. Tobin?" Was all she could articulate.

"Yeah. I don't know how to tell her."

Fuck. You looked so scared. Terrified. Small and vulnerable.

Alex pulled away. She wanted to get up and run. Dive into the pool. Disintegrate. Whatever. But she was rooted to the spot. She couldn't move. She couldn't trust herself around you. She couldn't stay away from you. She'd never sleep again.

"Just tell her in the morning. I'll distract everyone so you can be alone. You'll be a great mother, Y/N. So will Tobin."

You nodded then said something, but Alex couldn't hear it. She didn't try to. Alex tuned you out from then until Ryan was born. And even, then she's not all the way there until one day she finds herself in Portland helping out a friend.

---

You took your normal seat in the stands. Close enough to where Ryan could see you, but not close enough that she could get distracted and strike up a conversation.

Destiny sat next to you, holding your small plastic container of concession stand nachos. You snatched them from her before she even had the chance to sit down.

"Um. You're welcome."

You nodded in appreciation, unable to speak with your mouth full of chip.

Destiny rolled her eyes then tucked into her own snacks, "Heads up, Alex's ex-wife is here. Saw, them arguing earlier by the parking lot."

You almost spit out your nachos, "Kelley?"

"Does she have more than one ex-wife? Because if so, I take back my fucking her suggestion."

You swallowed your mouthful, turning to Destiny, "No. I'm just surprised. Kelley lives in New Jersey with Hope. Why would she be here?"

Destiny shrugged, "Not sure. Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe she knows you're gonna fuck her ex-wife."

You flicked Destiny's forehead, "I am not going to fuck Alex, Destiny. Get that through your thick skull."

"Why not, " Destiny whined.

"Because! I have no interest in her. She's a good friend and that's it. Why do you insist I sleep with any available alpha I happen pass?"

"I don't! I insist you fuck Alex because you like each other and you deserve to be happy."

"But Destiny, I don't like Alex."

"Yes you do. You always have. If Tobin hadn't have knocked you up-"

"She was married for fuck sake. It was never going to be anything! That's why I slept with Tobin, that's why I married Tobin. Because Alex and I are never going to be anything but friends." You suddenly weren't hungry for you nachos anymore.

"Why'd you divorce her then?" Destiny asked even though she knew the answer.

"We weren't good to each other."

"Babes. You were mated and you had to surgically remove your bond. You wouldn't do that unless it was something deeper."

Without you telling it to, your hand ran along the pale scar on your neck, where your mating mark use to be. It was a painful, psychologically difficult operation, but you didn't regret it. Even if you were going to be single until you died.

You let Destiny's words sit in the air between untouched. It wouldn't do anything for you to say something back. Destiny would still believe what she wanted and you'd believe what was true. You and Alex would be friends and never more.

By the time the game had started, the Sun had started to set. You watched as a familiar face came to sit a few rows behind you. You raised your hand for a wave, mouthing "Hey, Kelley" not wanting to draw unwanted attention to her.

Kelley only gave you an uncharacteristic nod of acknowledgement and little else.

You turned back around, Destiny leaned toward you, "What was that about? I saw her give Ali a big hug earlier. Why not you?"

You didn't know the answer to Destiny's question. A fact that would haunt you for the rest of the evening.

---

Alex looked at the score with a groan. They were down by two goals with only about 26 minutes left to go in the second half.

"Come on, you guys! Please win. You're embarrassing me in front of the cute lady over there." Alex pointed to where you were in the stands a few rows behind her.

Ali rolled her eyes, but a dad passing by looked up to where you were scrolling on your phone, he chuckled in agreement with Alex's assessment of you. He subtly gave Alex a fist bump only to be slapped on the arm by his wife a few seconds later.

Alex turned back to the game. A few minutes of nothing from her team, then finally Ryan pranced into the box. Alex watched as a kid from the opposing team tackled her. Alex started yelling.

She started yelling and she couldn't stop and she didn't even know what she was saying, but she knew it had to do with her team not being awarded a penalty even though they definitely should have.

The ref gave her a yellow and Ali placed a warning hand on her shoulder. She thought about calming down, but then she saw the confusion on Ryan's face and the chunks of grass on her kit, and she got mad all over again.

"Fuck your yellow card, are you fucking  blind? That asshole got no ball and just my kid. You're a shit ref!"

The yellow quickly turned into a red, and Alex was more than fine with that because she needed to get away from this for a few minutes. She was losing her fucking mind.

---

You watched as Alex chucked her clipboard at the referee. She then trudged toward the parking lot with a shake of her head.

Destiny swallowed a sip of her Diet Coke, "They're seven. It's not that serious. 10/10 entertainment though, I was getting bored."

You crossed your legs, and bit the inside of your cheek to keep from saying something alarming.

Destiny normally liked when Ali got like that, but you hated it, so she expected you to have a few choice words about Alex. She took one look at you and started laughing hysterically, "Oh my God. You whore."

"What?" You squeaked out.

"You get it now, don't you? A hot alpha passionately defending your child. Makes your mind wander, doesn't it?"

You swallowed harshly, "I don't know what-what you're talking about."

Destiny laughed loudly again, "Hop off it, Babes. If you uncrossed your legs right now you'd cause a flash flood. Be glad we're outside and she can't smell you. Don't worry, I, of all people, understand. If you want to give her somewhere to hmm place that passion she couldn't have gotten far. I'll take Ry for the night."

You were a few seconds from taking Destiny up on the offer, when out of the corner of your eye you saw Kelley stepping down the bleachers and heading in the same direction as Alex.

It's like a cold bucket of water to your overheated skin. You relaxed your mouth and uncrossed your legs, "I'm good, Des."

"Dammit. So close." Destiny mumbled.

5 minutes later, Ryan scored a brace. Pointing toward where she had last seen Alex both times.

You were just going to let her have that one.

When the game was finally over, ending in a draw, you found Alex near your car in the parking lot. Kelley seemingly long gone.

Alex leaned against her car, parked next to yours, with her eyes closed and her arms crossed over her chest, "Think Ali will finally fire me?"

You laughed lightly, "You don't want Ali to fire you. You actually like this gig."

Alex peaked one eye open, "How can you be so sure?"

You stepped closer to her, joining her in leaning on her car, your head tilted toward the starless night sky, "You wouldn't have gotten so passionate if you didn't."

"I'm sorry."

Your eyebrows furrowed, "For what?"

"You know I hate losing my cool like that. I just-fuck- I have so much on my mind. I'm losing it. Or maybe I never had it." Alex moved her hands to her sides.

"Do any of us? Have 'it'? Whatever it is? I know I sure as hell don't." You uncrossed your arms. The back of your hands brushed against one another. You swallowed heavily.

"You do a good job of making it seem like you."

"Fake it til you make it, I guess."

Alex suddenly placed her hands in her shorts pockets, "I wish I could fake it as well as you do."

"Alex-"

"You want to know why Kelley was here."

You weren't quite going to say that, but you did really want to know.

Alex chuckled, humorless. She shook her head and looked at the ground, "You'll find out soon enough, I'm sure. I'm not good at faking it like you are."

"What does that mean, Alex?"

Alex didn't answer your question, instead she answered a question you didn't ask and no one cared about, "I have to help clean up because of my cards. We want to set an example for the kids. They can get regular yellows, but they can't yell or push people. I'll see you around."

Alex didn't give you a second to recover.

---

Getting Ryan into bed that night was scarily easy. Ryan was normally tired, but reluctantly after a game. Now, she was almost docile.

She laid in her bed, staring up at you with an expression you didn't quite like.

"Baby, is everything alright?" You asked before turning on her nightlight.

Ryan hesitated a few seconds before speaking softly, "Is Mama going to forget about me when the baby is born? Olivia said she will because that's what her dad did."

Your heart broke for your child. You wondered how easy it would be to get Ali to release this Olivia girl.

"Ryan, your mother is not going to forget about you. Olivia's dad is a bad alpha, your mother isn't."

Ryan only nodded.

"You want to talk to her yourself?"

Ryan nodded again. You picked your phone from where it had been resting on Ryan's bedside table, you pressed Tobin's contact before giving Ryan the phone.

"Hi, Mama." Ryan placed the call on speaker.

"Hi, little cub. Shouldn't you be asleep?"

You watched silently as Ryan quickly fumbled through her question and explanation of her feelings.

You swore you heard Tobin sniffle before she spoke, "Im not going to forget about you, little cub. I love you too much, plus you have to teach your baby brother all about football."

Ryan gasped drowsily, "He's a boy!"

Tobin laughed, "Yes, he's a boy."

"You can name him, Ryan."

"Ryan is your name, but his name will probably start with an R as well."

"Close enough. Okay, goodnight, Mama. I'm tired."

Ryan was practically asleep before she finished her sentence.

You plucked your phone from her little hands, "She's out. Thank you for the assist."

"You don't have to thank me for being her mother, Y/N."

"Yeah. You're right. Anyway, she'll see you this weekend."

"Right. Goodnight, Y/NN."

"Goodnight."

You didn't get a lick of sleep that night.

Chapter 6: bound going nowhere

"It's been a long, long night, And we're still learning how to survive. Will you walk with me a while, And see a world with brand new eyes?" - revive by Hands Like Houses

A burst of soft breath wisped rhythmically against the shell of your ear. You moaned softly in tandem.

The hands running down your scorched skin are strong, and everywhere at all once. It's torture to attempt to resist arching further into them.

You're center dribbled down into a small wet spot underneath you. You'll definitely need to change your sheets later.

One of the hands traipsed down the plain of your stomach, fingertips dragged and caught on your mound. The other hand pressed your hips into the mattress to keep you from stealing more than you were being allowed.

You couldn't take much longer of this teasing. It felt like you had been here for hours. Writhing, whining, undulating. Once again the word torture came to mind.

You stared at the ceiling above you, unfocused, "Please..."

"Please what?"

That voice. Fuck. You knew that voice. You knew what that voice did to you. She knew too.

You tried to respond but your own voice betrayed you in kind as you felt a positively Godly pressure between your slick thighs.

She emphasized your name just in case you were confused as to who she was speaking to, "Please what?"

Oh God. You can feel her. Not her hands. The warmth of her length resting hard on your mound. That's what you wanted. That what you were begging for.

"Please fuck me." It's soft, it reverberated off the walls despite being so low.

She's even closer now, but still not where you want her.

"Look at me."

It would be such a simple request to fulfill, but fuck, were you underwater or something, because that's what it felt like to move. Like all of your limbs were being weighed down on all sides.

Suddenly, there's a hand on your ankle, then you're being yanked toward the edge of the bed. Either she was annoyed by your lack of response or she was finally taking pity on you when she wrapped her hand softly around your neck, using the strength in her forearm to pull you into facing her.

"I said 'Look at me'."

Her pale blue eyes were as dark as they could possibly get, and your moan was guttural.

"Alex."

There's a ringing from somewhere. Somewhere far away. Alex didn't seem to notice it, but she didn't move any further either.

The ringing increased in tone substantially until all at once it was the only thing you could hear.

You opened your eyes.

The Sun shined through the gap in your blackout curtains just right enough to hit you directly in the face. You squinted at your alarm on your phone.

You had half a mind to throw it across the room and then throw yourself right after it, preferably out the window.

You grabbed your phone. Turning off the alarm and looking at the time. Luckily, if you got going as soon as possible you wouldn't be late for work.

Before you shuffled out of the bed you sent a text to Destiny.

Y/N: Girllll.

Des: how may i be of service🤭

Y/N: lunch today at that deli place?

Des: as long as you're buying

Y/N: broke bitch

Des: i prefer sugar baby but whatever🤷🏾‍♀️

You threw the phone back onto your bed then got started on your weekday morning routine.

---

"A sex dream? About who?" Destiny asked if she was stupid or something.

"Take a wild guess." You deadpanned.

"Alex? Damn. Well, was it any good?" Destiny munched on her Italian sub with a curious eyebrow raise.

You sighed, picking at your own caesar salad, "Woke up before anything particularly good happened, but I was wearing her hand as a necklace at one point."

Destiny probably would have clapped giddily if she wasn't holding her sandwich, instead she opted for attention grabbing squeal, "Ooh. Yay. Alex absolutely does seem like the type to like a little breath play."

"Des, it was a dream. And she didn't even squeeze, she just wanted me to look at her. I think this says less about her and more about me."

"Yeah, your bottom-ness is starting to embarrass me. Gonna need you to girl boss a little closer to the sun. Choke her back next time."

You blinked at your best friend, "What are you ever saying at any given moment?"

Destiny waved that question off, "Anyway, what do you think it means? Dreams have meaning and all that rah rah shit."

You bit the inside of your cheek and shrugged, "I don't know. I'm probably just horny. And Alex was the last non-Tobin alpha I talked to. I don't think the Alex of it all was very important."

"Girl. You're starting to get on my nerves with this. You want to fuck Alex, she wants to fuck you. No one is telling you to get married again."

You shook your head. Destiny wouldn't get it until you spelled it out for her. And even then she'd just ignore you until you agreed with her.

"Des. I tried the casual sex thing and it wasn't for me. If I have sex with someone I want to there to be a sincere connection but-"

"And you and Alex don't have a sincere connection? You told me what happened before you and Tobin got hitched. And I see how you look at each other."

"-but...I don't want to bring another alpha into Ryan's life after the way things ended with Tobin. Even if that alpha is Alex. If Ryan got attached and Alex and I didn't work out...I can't do that to my baby twice, Destiny." You stuffed a forkful of salad into your mouth to distract yourself from the heaviness of your words.

Alex, like she often did, came streaking out of nowhere, but you had a plan this time. Or maybe not a plan, but something to work for.

You did everything for Ryan. Even it meant sacrifice for yourself. That's what being a mother was.

Destiny nodded in understanding, "Can I say something?"

"Always."

"I understand. You know I, of all people, understand that your baby's wellbeing and happiness comes first. I absolutely get the not just letting any alpha into the house, but in regards to Alex...I think if you gave her the chance she wouldn't let you go."

You knew there was probably a good amount of truth to Destiny's words, but there would be no budging on that mental block, "I can't risk it."

"Don't you get to be happy?"

You smiled a bit harder than was necessary, "I am happy!"

"Yeah, and I'm straight." Destiny spouted off sarcastically.

You frowned, then changed the subject. To your surprise, Destiny let you, and you finished up your lunch date.

---

"I'm surprised you agreed to come." Alex supplied as she walked slightly ahead of you down the streets of Downtown Portland.

You looked up at her with a small smile. Even though Ryan was definitely too big to be up there, Ryan sat astride Alex's shoulders. Her hands would periodically cover Alex's eyes and neither of you could tell if she was doing that on purpose or not.

"Ry didn't give me a choice, besides, we both needed to get out of the house."

Alex nodded around Ryan's hands, "I hope no one thinks I'm playing favorites. These soccer moms are terrifying when things don't go their kid's way."

You shrugged, picking your phone from pocket at the same time, "It helps that she's good at soccer and it would be stupid of you not to play her because you absolutely do play favorites. Ali does it with Chloe and Sloan. Good thing Ocean is on a separate team."

Alex laughed the laugh that always served to make you feel fuzzy inside. This time was no different.

You swallowed harshly, then began to scroll through Instagram as a distraction. You walked a little closer to Alex to ensure you wouldn't run into anyone or anything as you walked.

You looked at the most recent posts from the people you followed, among them was a post that made you stop abruptly.

Alex turned to you with a curious frown, "Everything okay?"

You looked up at her with concern deep in your eyes, "I should be asking you that."

You showed her the post. It was a picture of a very gaudy engagement ring sitting next to a positive pregnancy test, posted by Kelley.

Alex took a glance at the picture before shrugging and turning back to the path she had been walking, "Oh, yeah. That."

"Alex. Are you okay? It's okay if you aren't. You can talk to me, you know." You looked up into Alex's eyes, if she was upset she was hiding it very well.

Luckily, Ryan had fallen asleep draped comically over Alex's head, so you wouldn't need to talk around the subject.

"Wouldn't be the first time. That's why she was here the other day. Wanted to tell me in person. Would've brought Hope with her but it's known fact I hate Hope so..." Alex shrugged, noncommittal.

"Alex, you're allowed to be upset about this. I was pissed when Tobin told me she was going to marry Christen, and again when she told me Chris was pregnant. You get over it, but it was hard."

Alex rolled her eyes, "Do you want me to scream and cry? Beg for her to take me back? Whine about how it should have been me? I divorced her. I'm fine. Drop it."

Not really knowing what to say to that, you do indeed drop it, "Do you want to put Ryan down? She's dead weight right now."

"She's fine where she is."

You didn't try to say anything further.

You only make it about 8 more steps before a group of young girls runs up to the two of you.

They asked for pictures with both you and Alex, which you were fine with, you weren't fine with Ryan being in the pic, but with her being asleep there's not much you could do.

Before you could voice your concern to Alex, she adjusted Ryan so she was being carried normally. Her face in Alex's neck and very pointedly out of view of the camera.

You blinked.

You're starting to think Destiny might have been onto something.

You just might have to fuck this woman.

Dammit.

---

"First away game of the season. Who do you think is going to yell at the ref first? Ali or Alex?" Destiny asked inbetween swigs of a water bottle.

You laughed at the question,"Depends on who the call is on? If it's on Sloan or Chloe then it'll be on Ali. If it's on Ry, then Alex."

"Speaking of Ry and Alex. I saw some pics from your little walk the other day. And so did the shippers."

You rolled your eyes at Destiny's antics. You were very used to people shipping you and Alex, even though they knew you were in separate relationships. But, you were under the impression that had fizzled out for the years that you and Alex hadn't seen each other. Apparently it hadn't.

Destiny spoke again, "The three of you looked very comfortable. Also, how much does Alex bench because Ryan is damn heavy?"

You didn't answer Destiny's question, instead you watched as Ali hollered at the referee, while Alex pretended she had the superior hold on her temper.

Eventually, it's halftime. The kids come over to the sideline and all reach for the small snacks being offered to them by another parent.

The next few moments happened in slow motion for no one else but you. Well, maybe it did for Alex, as that would be the only explanation for how fast she moved.

One second Ryan was holding the small cookie she was offered and the next Alex is plucking it out of her hand and throwing it clear across the pitch.

"Um. What the fuck?" Destiny spoke up for the two of you.

You found yourself moving to the sideline quickly. Ryan's lip was starting to quiver and you did not want a meltdown on your hands because Alex decided to choose now to be weird.

"What the hell was that, Morgan?!"

Alex looked at you in confusion. You didn't call her by her last name unless you were mad at her.

Ryan ran to hug you. Luckily, she had managed to keep her sniffles at bay. You assumed Alex had probably more startled her than anything.

Alex pointed toward the tray of cookies with a frown, "Strawberries."

You looked over at the tray with a startled, "Oh," subconsciously taking a few steps back with Ryan still wrapped around your waist.

Ryan was severely allergic to strawberries. You had found that out the hard way when she was three years old. You kept an EpiPen in your purse for that very reason.

You had no idea Alex knew that Ryan was allergic. You had never mentioned it verbally. She must have saw it in Ryan's files.

Ryan started to sniffle again, "I'm sorry, Mommy. I just thought they were pink because of dye. What am I supposed to eat now?"

Alex pulled a granola bar from her pocket, "Here, you grabbed the cookie before I could stop you and give you this instead."

"Yay! S'mores. My favorite. Thanks, Coach." Ryan grabbed the bar then scurried off to join the rest of the team who had huddled by Ali.

Your eyes followed her until you couldn't see her anymore, then you turned your gaze onto the parent with the death cookies.

Alex stepped into your line of sight but you continued to try to get around her, "Whoa. Hey. We already talked about it. It won't happen again. Your kid is just really fast."

It was clear that you weren't listening.

"Look at me," Alex placed a finger under your chin to adjust your attention back to her.

You shivered.

"She's alright, Mama."

Fuck. That stupid soft, reassuring smile. Those stupid equally soft blue eyes.

Alex Morgan was going to be the death of you.

You nodded slowly and took a deep breath, "Uh, yeah. Um. Thanks."

You didn't let her say anything else before you hightailed it back to your seat next to Destiny.

Destiny's eyebrows furrowed, "Why are you making that face? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"You were right."

"Well duh, but about what?"

"I'm going to have to fuck her."

Dammit.

Chapter 7: and I'll lose it

Notes:

I want to preface this chapter by reiterating that Tobin did not cheat on reader (At least not physically, emotionally is up to your interpretation).

"Right down to the minute, right down to the second. I can feel my every breath unfold." Down To The Second by Zach Berkman

Your revelation about Alex came at an inopportune time. With having another 50 minutes of game left to stew in your thoughts, you were able to talk yourself down somewhat.

The urge was still there, but you were no longer afraid you'd jump the poor woman if you stood next to her long enough. God, how embarrassing would that be.

Your sanity relied heavily on whether or not Alex was doing this on purpose or not. You knew she wasn't, she wasn't manipulative. She was unapologetically herself and that made you want her even more.

But, you couldn't. You couldn't give in. What would you tell Ryan when the relationship inevitably petered out? And keeping it hush definitely wasn't an option.

Then there was the fact that Alex was one of Tobin's closest friends. You didn't hold any loyalties to Tobin, but the whole thing felt sort of icky. At least Tobin had the decency to marry someone you weren't that close with.

Alex was a wrench thrown into your plans. Your plans to stay emotionally unattached to anyone that wasn't Ryan or Destiny. Yet, you were determined to keep her at a distance. You knew you couldn't keep her at a big one, it hadn't worked the first time. She always came slithering back.

Arms length would have to do until you found someone else whose love wouldn't hurt as much or better yet, you died. Whichever came first.

---

Alex looked mildly concerned whenever you saw her. You saw her rarely now that you were six months pregnant, taking a break from playing.

But on the rare occasion you did see her, she was concerned. No matter how much you assured her you were healthy, the baby was healthy.

You're starting to think your health was the least of her worries.

You sat down at the small Los Angeles bistro you two used to frequent whenever you had the time and means. She was seated near a window, something she normally wouldn't do, but she didn't seem to care about being seen.

You were grateful for the scenery. And the view out the window wasn't so bad either.

You spoke first. You always did now.

"Long time, no see."

Alex ripped her eyes away from the window, and a smile attempted to curl on her lips, but it never got far enough to be effective in soothing your nerves.

"You said you wanted to talk."

You nodded, then picked up the menu, you both knew it was a distraction. You always ordered the same thing, "Yes. I did. I-I missed you. It's weird not being able to do much physical activity, not playing with you, and you haven't been very good about answering my calls."

A waitress came over to take your order, Alex gave both your orders before turning back at you with the same concerned look she'd where the entirety of lunch.

"Where's Tobin?" Alex asked, then took a sip of her water.

You're jaw clenched, "With Christen."

Alex raised an eyebrow, "You don't seem too happy about that."

"I trust her."

Alex chuckled lightly, "I didn't say you didn't trust her."

Your anger, albiet misplaced, turned on Alex. She was judging you. She cut herself out of your life on her own volition and now she thought she had the right to judge you.

You were going to ease into the news, but now, seemed just as good a time as any, "We're getting married."

The smirk dropped off of Alex's face with a comical quickness, "I'm sorry?"

"Tobin and I are getting married. Before the baby is born preferably. We want to be a real family. For her." You couldn't help but place a hand onto your round stomach.

Alex's eyes followed the movement, landing on your ringless ring finger, her voice softened, "Her?"

"Yeah, we're having a baby girl."

Your food was placed in front of you, but it was clear neither of you were hungry.

"That's bullshit, and you know it, Y/N."

Your eyes narrowed, "What's bullshit, Alex? Me wanting to be a good mom?"

Alex wiped her hands over face in frustration, "No. You and Tobin getting married."

"Why can't you just be happy for me, Alex? I was fucking ecstatic when you married Kelley." Your voice was starting to break, but you sucked back in your emotions. You wouldn't dare let Alex see you cry.

"That's different..."

"How? How is it fucking different?" Your emotions are starting to win. Stupid pregnancy hormones.

Alex leaned forward, "I married Kelley because I loved her. Not because she was pregnant with my baby and we felt some sort of stupid societal pressure to get hitched. And for fucks sake, it's Tobin for crying out loud."

You sighed and bit at your lip to distract you from the stinging in your eyes, "You said she'd be a good mother."

"Yeah, but I didn't say anything about being a good wife. Being a good wife to you."

You shook your head, "You don't mean that. She's one of your best friend."

"And that's exactly why I do mean it. I know. And I know you know too. I bet you told her to come with you today, and she said she rather hang out with Christen while she was still in LA. I bet you only offered to bring her with you, because she made a face when you said you were going to lunch with me alone." Alex's smirk was back, but no amusement lied in it. You could tell she knew she was right, but she didn't want to be.

"Are you happy with yourself? The great Alex Morgan knows everyone around her so well. A prodigy on and off the pitch."

"You're only proving me right. You know I only want what's best for you."

You called for the check, making sure to pay for both of your meals before Alex could because you knew it would annoy her, "So, I guess this means I won't be seeing you at the baby shower or wedding?"

Alex shrugged indifferently, "Depends, do you love Tobin?"

"...yes."

"You're a terrible liar. I'll be there."

"Good. Thank you."

"Thanks is the last thing I need from you."

---

Later that evening, you found yourself back in your apartment. You were surprised to see Tobin waiting for you, sitting on the edge of the couch flipping through television channels.

"Hi, Babe." She greeted as you sat on her lap. She groaned playfully and you lightly slapped her shoulder.

"I'm not that heavy." You pouted.

Tobin kissed your cheek with a smile, "Nope. I'm just messing with you. How was lunch with Baby Horse?"

You got off of Tobin to sit next to her, "It was okay, I guess."

"Okay...okay is good. I think. Okay means she's still talking to me I guess?"

You thought back to Alex's face as you told her, "Well, she talked to you the whole time. It's me she's mad at. And I don't get it."

"She has a crush on you." Tobin said as if she were discussing the weather.

"She's married."

Tobin moved onto her next question, "Did you tell her you were going to ask for a transfer to Portland?"

You bit the inside of your cheek, "It must have slipped my mind..."

Tobin stood up and threw her hand into the air, "Y/N!"

"What? She's not stupid, she couldn't have possibly thought we'd do long distance if we're getting married."

"There was the other option of me coming here. She probably assumed."

"...She'll be okay finding out with everyone else. I don't see why that second option was off the table. LA Suburbs are a great place to grow a family."

Tobin frowned, "We had that conversation. I'm just not comfortable staying here. I rather us be in Portland."

"Don't I deserve to know why you're not comfortable with it, Tobin?"

Tobin took a deep breath, "Because Christen and Alex are here. We need a fresh start away from...stressors."

"What do Christen and Alex have to do with our ability to raise a family? In fact, the extra hands would probably be a godsend." You're not stupid. You knew what she was saying, but confronting that head on would make you look like you had feelings for Alex. You wouldn't be able to field that in tandem with the idea that your girlfriend maybe had feelings for Christen.

Something you suspected but were never quite sure of. But Tobin asked you to marry her, and that had to count for something.

But alas, you had to question her, because clearly she thought something was going on with you and Alex and that wasn't something you could let stew, "What kind of 'stressors', Tobin? Alex is just a friend, if that's what you're insinuating. Is Christen not just a friend to you?"

"If she wasn't just a friend I would be marrying her and not you."

And you believed her, at least so you wouldn't go insane. You think she chose to do the same with you and Alex.

"Portland it is then."

---

Since it was the summer, outside of soccer, Ryan didn't really have much to do. Which is why you put her into day camp along with Chloe and Sloan.

Ryan was reluctant at first, but as soon as she learned it was pretty much schook without homework and she'd see Chloe everyday, she was hooked.

She often came home with a desecrated cookie that she made in home economics, or a still drying painting from art.

You had learned about the camp's yearly musical from one of her counselors one day as you collected her. The counselor had let you know that she could tell Ryan wanted to do it, but seemed too shy to audition.

This shyness only lasted until Chloe auditioned, then Ryan was suddenly the poster child of confidence, auditioning and managing to get one of the lead roles even though she couldn't carry a tune to save her life.

Your baby would follow her little crush off a cliff if given the chance. You really needed to fix that eventually.

So, you had known about this performance for months, planned your weeks down to a tee, so you could make it. But sure enough, you couldn't plan for emergency meetings called by your bosses. Telling Ryan would be torture.

"Ry, Baby, I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to make it to your show tonight. I got called into work for something out of my control."

Ryan scrunched her lips up into a frown before nodding, "It's okay. Is Mama coming? She can record it so we can watch it together later. Oh, it can be like a movie night! Alex can come too."

Your insides were going to implode, "She and Chris are busy, but Grandma and Grandpa will be there. Then, do you remember where we're all going this weekend?"

A smile came back to Ryan's lips, "Disneyland!"

"That's right! Now, you have a good day at camp. Then break a leg. I'll see you tonight, okay?" You got out the car to walk Ryan toward her counselor and camp mates.

"Okay, bye, Mommy!"

You owed your parents big time for flying in and taking a vacation on such short notice. At first you didn't think they'd agree, but they did immediately. You think it's because your mom just really wanted to yell at Tobin.

---

You looked at your watch. The musical should have started by now, but your meeting hadn't. If your boss was even five more seconds late you were going to leave.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

"Good evening, everyone. Sorry about the wait."

Fuck it, you're leaving anyway.

You stood and gathered your things, "Sorry, you all. I'd rather not be here actually."

"You can't just leave."

You looked at your boss, "What are you going to do? Fire me?"

"...no."

"Then, see you all tomorrow. I'm sure this could have been an email anyway."

With that, you practically sprinted, despite your heels, to your car. You had made it to the school in record time.

You were catching your breath as you scanned the crowd for your parents, you found your dad's head poking out over the crowd pretty easily.

You didn't care whose toes you were stepping on to get to them. When you finally did, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Alex? What are you doing here?"

She scooted over so you could sit between her and your father, "Destiny texted me and said you and Tobin couldn't make it. Didn't know your parents were here, but I probably would have came anyway. I was tired of staring at set peice draw ups."

You settled into your seat, "Thank you. I'm sure that will mean a lot to her."

Alex smiled softly, "You don't need to thank me. You didn't miss anything by the way. Several kids needed potty breaks and I think there were 2 wardrobe malfunctions."

You laughed in relief. You took a few seconds to greet your parents before turning back to Alex, "Um, my parents and I taking Ry to Disneyland this weekend, if you want to come with. Unless you're like banned or something."

Alex scoffed and you could hear your dad snicker next to you," I'm not banned...I think."

"You think?" You raised a playful eyebrow.

"I think there was a time limit and I didn't know if it covered both parks and whatever I'll go in a disguise if I have to." Alex's look of determination forced you to look away from her.

"You'd risk your ego to go to Disneyland? You love being seen."

"I'd do anything for yo-Ryan."

Suddenly, Ryan waddled onto stage in her little bumblebee costume. She looked like a deer caught in headlights.

Your father whooped loudly. Causing her eyes to dart in your direction and then to Alex next to you. Alex winked.

Ryan took a deep breath and then began her song about bees and their importance to the environment.

Alex smiled proudly, "Oh, she's terrible."

"I know, but shut up it's cute." You made her pull out her phone to record your tone deaf child.

You slipped your own phone out to text your ex-wife.

You: i made it to the show. I hope whatever you were doing was important.

Baby Mama: theyll be other shows

You: alex made it too

Baby Mama: whyd you tell me that

You: to piss you off. Did it work?

Baby Mama: yes

You: great!

You placed your phone back into your pocket with a sense of misplaced accomplishment. Alex eyed you with a peculiar look that you couldn't read.

"I don't think I appreciate being used as fodder for your arguments with your ex-wife."

You looked up at her with a faux innocence, "Sorry."

She laughed quietly, "No, you're not."

You shrugged with a smile. Alex turned toward the stage briefly, then turned back to you, "Did you love Tobin?"

"...No."

"You're still a terrible liar."

Chapter 8: take not, it's not impressive

"Don't you know that the kids aren't al-, kids aren't alright?" The Kids Aren't Alright by Fall Out Boy

"Mommy!"

You stopped your unpacking to step into Ryan's line of sight with a curious eyebrow raise. You had just left her a few minutes ago to put on the clothes you had set out for her. Something you didn't normally do, but your parents had matching outfits made for the day.

"Yes, Baby?"

"I don't wanna be Princess Jasmine anymore. I wanna be Spider-Man!" She held up her Spider-Man costume to you, clearly indicating it was up to you to help her put it on. You're not even sure how that got into her suitcase considering you were the one who packed it.

You heard steady footsteps coming up to stand behind you. You knew who it was. Obviously. It was Alex. You weren't supposed to be startled. But you were.

You were on edge. For multiple reasons. The main one, in about 5 to 8 hours, you would have to share a bed with Alex Morgan, because you're parents hated you. You. Their only child.

"You don't want to match me, Little Alpha? I'm supposed to be Princess Security. Who am I supposed to secure if there's no Princess? Plus, Avenger's Campus is in California Adventure." Alex plead her case with a mock hurt expression. She was attempting to help and you appreciated it.

But damn. She could back up a little. You shouldn't be feeling her body heat on your back, her hand on your shoulder. Her reassuring presence settling deep into your muscles. You couldn't feel that, not with all of these emotions and urges you have invited regards to her. It was all you could do to keep a level head.

Ryan frowned and looked down at her costume. She looked back up at the gaudy, neon yellow t-shirt Alex was wearing that read "Princess Security" on a small patch. It was funny to watch the gears turning in your daughter's little mind.

After a few agonizing seconds, Ryan stuffed the costume back into her suitcase and slipped into her Princess Jasmine costume with your help instead.

You breathed a sigh of relief. You did not want to have another argument with your mother about spoiling your child, as if she didn't do it as well.

Alex had just noticed a problem and stepped in and fixed it without you even needing to lift a finger...is this what it was like with two parents in the house? That was a feeling you had long forgotten.

It was something you'd have to actively try not to get used to.

Alex gave Ryan a quick fist bump before leading you back into your part of the hotel room, "No need to thank me."

You rolled your eyes, "Cocky much?"

Alex smirked and opened her mouth to say something, but you cut her off with a look.

"Alex?"

"Yes?"

"Go find something safe to do." You shooed her a way with a flick of your wrist.

Thoroughly chastised, Alex excused herself, leaving you to get ready for the day in your own "Princess Security" shirt.

---

"So...Alex...?" Your mother questioned as the both of you watched your dad, with Ryan on his shoulders, and Alex next to him, walking ahead of you as you entered the park.

"Yes...? What about her?" You knew where your mother wanted to steer this conversation. She had been thoroughly confused when you had announced your pregnancy and subsequently, Ryan's mother.

Apparently, she had been team Alex even though she knew as well as anyone that Alex was freaking married at the time.

Your mother never shunned Tobin or treated her differently (to her face), even when you divorced, but you could tell she was never quite enthused with Tobin's presence.

Now, she was like a dog with a bone. Alex and you in the same vicinity? Her prayers must have been answered. You were surprised she didn't break out into full praise and worship when you asked Alex to join your vacation unprompted.

You were more than happy to burst her bubble. The last thing you needed were your mom and Destiny on the Alex train. You wouldn't be able to even use the bathroom without them on your ass.

"She's here...on our family vacation..."

You shrugged, "She didn't have any other plans."

She rolled her eyes,"If Tobin and Christen were free would you have invited them? Destiny?"

You narrowed your eyes at your mother. She wass trying to trick you, but you were smarter than that. Well, maybe more stubborn than that. You wish you had one of those mothers who hated their daughter. Curse your blessings, "...No. I didn't want them here."

"But you wanted Alex here..." Her eyes narrowed critically at you. You felt like she could see straight through you. That wasn't a fun feeling.

You sighed, "Yes. Because we're friends and Ryan likes her. We're not together, Mom, and we won't be. Ever."

Your mother didn't look convinced, "Sure."

Your huff went ignored as you hustled to catch up with the other members of your party. Your mother, like Destiny, would believe what she wanted to believe. At least you knew your dad was either too oblivious to notice or too much of an alpha to comment on his daughter's love life.

You sidled next to your dad, pointedly the opposite side that Alex was on, and looked up at your happy child, "So, where to first, Princess?"

Ryan pulled out the map your father had handed to her as a joke and pointed to a spot you couldn't see, "Haunted Mansion, Mommy!"

You paused. Why was your daughter like this? You needed to share a questioning look with someone. Luckily, Alex caught your eyes with a similar expression to yours.

The wordless exchange you shared was quick, but it was obvious you were on the same page about your scary seven year old. Not that Alex really had a say, but it was nice to be backed up anyway.

"Uh, why don't we ride the Matterhorn first? Or do the Buzz Lightyear Astro blasters? Maybe the teacups?" You suggested, silently hoping your father would get the hint and just start walking the opposite direction of Haunted Mansion instead of happily letting his granddaughter boss him around.

Ryan frowned at the suggestion, "No, Mommy. Haunted Mansion."

Alex tried next, "Don't you want to ride it later? It'll be much more entertaining after you've eaten and you have to keep from throwing up."

You reached around your father's back to slap Alex on the shoulder. She grimaced and shrugged.

Ryan did take a minute to think about that intriguing idea. You rolled your eyes. Then, she shook her head in the direction of the attraction, "That way, Papa!"

Your father had no backbone. You're not sure how he was even holding himself up, let alone Ryan too.

"Alright, Ryan. If you get nightmares tonight, you're staying in your bed and I won't cave."

No one in the general vicinity believed you. You absolutely would cave and let her sleep in the bed with you and Alex. Actually, she'd be a great buffer between you. On second thought, Haunted Mansion was a great idea.

You reached the line for the ride eventually. It wasn't an unfathomable wait, but you surely weren't rushing passed the little goofy specters and flickering lamps that would inevitably freak Ryan out, no matter how family friendly the props were.

It wasn't long before she wanted to hide her face, unfortunately your dad was a gazillion years old and his back was hurting from carrying her.

Alex gathered her onto her hip and let Ryan bury her face in her neck while the child muffled her pleas they not leave the line because she was stubborn.

She was so sleeping in your bed that night.

An older woman, probably around your parent's age, tapped you and Alex on your shoulders, you turned around with a curious expression, assuming she wanted a picture because you're full of yourself, "You have such a cute family."

It was clear she didn't know who the hell you two were, "Oh. We're n-"

Alex cut you off with a smug smile, "Thank you, Ma'am. You as well."

Alex turned around, clearly happy with that turn of events. You on the other hand glared, absolutely scandalized. What if Ryan heard that and got the wrong idea?

"What the fuck, Alex?"

Alex's smugness couldn't be helped, "What good would it have done to explain to the poor woman that I'm just here to lug your kid around? We're wearing matching shirts, Wife."

Alex had a point. There was no use getting into your situation with a stranger, but it didn't mean you couldn't still be annoyed with Alex.

"Whatever. The line's moving."

---

"What should we eat, RyRy?" You asked as she skipped happily next to you. The hand that wasn't holding yours was scrolling through the pictures that Alex had taken of her with Donald Duck and Princess Tiana.

She looked up and smiled at you, her tongue subconsciously pushing at a tooth you could tell would fall out soon, "Pizza Planet! Then we can get stuffed pretzels, and beignets, and dole whip, and-"

You stopped her with a laugh, "We can get Pizza Planet and a dessert, but remember we have to save some fun for tomorrow too when we go to California Adventure."

"Oh yeah! Okay, Pizza, dole whip shake, and toffee churro today, then everything else tomorrow. And whatever we don't eat, we make Papa and Alex carry!"

You've never been prouder of your daughter in your life. Neither had your mother.

Your father seemed alright with the idea, but Alex gasped dramatically, "And why should I have to carry things? If you say it's because I'm an alpha, that's reductive."

Ryan looked up at her as if it were obvious, "Because Papa is old and you do everything Mom tells you to anyway."

You bit your cheek to keep from laughing at the look on Alex's face, your mother had no such decency. The scandalized look Alex was sporting was only made more entertaining by the set of Mickey ears perched on her head.

"Wh-no-I don't do everything she tells me to do." Alex crossed her arms over her chest defiantly, seemingly forgetting that she was arguing with a 2nd grader.

"Alex, we're not supposed to lie."

Alex snatched Ryan into the air playfully and began to tickle her profusely, "Stop messing with me."

You couldn't help the smile on your face at the exchange.

---

Time flies when you're anticipating having to sleep in the same bed as your...whatever the hell Alex was to you.

You dragged your feet heading back to the resort. Something that Alex didn't seem too happy about as she was carrying a sleeping child.

Once you did finally reach your hotel room and shared a five minute goodbye with your parents who were only a room away, you watched as Alex carefully laid Ryan down into her bed, knowing full well you were about to wake the child up to bathe and when you did Ryan was going to whine and fight it and you were going to let her.

About 45 minutes later you're out of stalling tactics. Ryan has bathed and is dead to the world, you've showered and done your full night time routine, and so has Alex.

She sat against the headboard like this wasn't a big deal or something. Her ribbed tank top was tighter than it should be, and it's rode up at the bottom. Giving you a peak of her midriff. Your tongue ran along your bottom lip.

In any other circumstance you'd think at least she's wearing those thin plaid sleep pants instead of shorts. However, this wasn't any other circumstance. It was this specific circumstance and you're thoroughly embarrassed about how much this fully dressed woman is doing it for you.

And, fuck, is she not wearing underwear or are you just staring at her crotch that hard? There was no real way of knowing.

You never said Alex Morgan wasn't single handedly the hottest person you had ever met. You said you couldn't fuck her.

There was a difference.

You looked down at your own pajamas. An old shirt, and a pair of small shorts that you packed when you thought you'd be sharing a bed with nothing but pillows.

You're tempted to run out of the room and put on a full hazmat suit.

Alex finally looked up at you from where she was scrolling through Instagram, "Should I be offended?"

You had to rip your eyes away from her lap, to hear her properly, "Huh?"

She chuckled lightly like she knew, like she fucking knew, "I said 'Should I be offended'? You've been standing there with your nose scrunched up like you found me behind a dumpster. I used the same body wash you did."

Your eyes narrowed in annoyance because that was always the easiest emotion to feign when you were trying to keep from jumping the poor woman, "What are you trying to say, Morgan?"

She patted the space next to her with a friendly smile that clearly said 'you're overthinking this', "I don't bite."

It was in that moment that the day caught up to you. Your exhaustion hit you like a truck. The space next to Alex looked incredibly enticing.

You scrambled into it before your second wind of stubbornness hit.

Alex looked amused, then her eyes darted down to your shirt, and her face did something weird. She cleared her throat, "I-uh-I was wondering where that shirt went."

You looked down at your shirt again, it was just a rather plain local surf shop shirt that had indeed once belonged to Alex, "Oh, yeah. I stole it at my first national team camp. Want it back?"

Alex knew you were being sarcastic. You weren't going to give it back even if she tried to buy it off of you, but she answered anyway, "No, it looks better on you."

Her words were soft. Barely audible over the air conditioning, and Ryan's cartoons in the adjoining room.

Your heart skipped in your chest uncomfortably, "G-good, because it's mine now."

Alex's eyes flickered between yours and your lips, "Wouldn't have it any other way."

God, curse her magnetic pull. It was like she had cast a spell on you when you weren't looking. No matter what you did you always got sucked back into her stupid, sexy, caring orbit.

You cleared your throat, "We should get some sleep. Ry is going to want to go as soon as the Sun rises."

"I-uh-yeah. Sleep. Right."

You turned off the last bastion of light then pointed to the empty foot of space between you, "Don't cross this line. Okay, goodnight, Alex."

Alex rolled her eyes, then immediately scooted over until you were touching, "Or what?"

You didn't have the energy to answer. Even if you did have the energy, you don't think the neurons in your brain would have figured out how to fire accordingly.

---

You're not surprised you awake to the feeling of Alex draped all over you. One arm is stuck under your head, the other adorned across your stomach. Her legs are pretty much the only part of her that she's keeping to herself. And you do mean only part, because you have a very clear idea of what woke you up in the first place.

You should be mad that her dick is poking you in the ass cheek. Incensed even. But you're not. Really it's just making your perpetual horniness even worse.

It takes everything in you to stay still.

You can feel the moment Alex's breathing changes and she rouses from her sleep. You didn't know how she'd react to your predicament. Though, what she ended up doing was furthest from your mind.

There's that borderline evil chuckle again, "You know, if you're kid wasn't 20 feet away...."

You're stuck between, one, labeling you're lovely baby girl a cockblock and calling for your parents to come get her, and, two, being so thankful that on some random Saturday night seven years and 9 months ago you forgot to make Tobin put on a condom because you couldn't think about anything else but the fact that she wasn't Alex!

Your harsh swallow and shuddered breath is apparently reply enough for her.

"By the way, you snore in your sleep. Or maybe that was moaning."

With that she finally left you to stew in it, getting out of the bed with a yawn and heading to the bathroom.

Your phone beeped next to your head. You prayed it was God letting you know you know this was all a big mistake because He mistook you for one of His strongest soldiers. You were nothing of the sort.

Alas, it was Destiny.

Destiny: u good? I felt a disturbance in the force 🤔

You: she's trying to kill me

Destiny: babygirl?

You: No. Alex.

Destiny: oh lol nvm I'm not saving you. Have fun with that 😄

You groaned so loudly you woke up Ryan.

You flopped onto your back, staring at the ceiling. The only thing you could do was look at the bright side of things. No matter how dim that bright side was.

And, at least you had an answer to your underwear question.

Notes:

Reader's resolve is wearing ever thinner.....

Chapter 9: maybe it just never really was

"I still stay up late at night trying to hear your voices in the halls"-Voices In The Halls by Neon Trees

You're not sure when you're best friend became a comedian. It had to have been sometime within the last half hour, because just about every word that had left her mouth since you had entered her home was leaving you in stitches.

"Stop laughing. I'm being serious!" Destiny whined at you from her spot on the opposite end of the couch.

You slapped your knee unironically, "And that's why it's so funny!"

"Y/N! What's so funny about wanting to go to a club for my birthday?" A pout formed over her lips.

"The fact that we're not fucking 22 years young. Instead, we're 35 years old with children and jobs and adult responsibilities." You finally stopped your laughter to look at her with an incredulous glare.

You'd hate to be a party pooper but at some point Destiny had to be realistic, and if you had to be the rain pelting down on her parade, then so be it.

"When has that ever stopped me before?" Destiny asked with a defiant smile.

You sighed, "Fine. Who are the kids staying with then?"

"Either my mother or Tobin. My vote is Tobin because she needs to get used to having two kids around anyway. And this way she can be pissed you're grinding on Alex all night while she suffers the consequences of getting you pregnant." Destiny rubbed her hands together like the evil mastermind she strived to be on a daily basis.

"I have a couple of questions."

Destiny rolled her eyes playfully, "Of course you do... No, we won't have a curfew, and there will be a designated driver. It's not like it's a school night."

"Fuck you. My questions were, one, why would Tobin be pissed about me grinding on Alex, and two, why would I be grinding on Alex?"

Destiny flung her hands up in the air in exasperation, "Have you ever once had fun a day in your life!?"

"Yes, asshole." Though, you were having fun remembering any times that didn't have to do with your child at the moment.

"Then, why wouldn't you grind on Alex? You've already done it in your sleep. Now, simply, be awake this time. Get drunk. Let loose. And lose your virginity." Destiny placed a placatingly soft hand on your shin.

"I'm not a virgin, Destiny."

"Could've fooled me."

"I stopped laughing, so you have to stop being mean. I already agreed. I'll get drunk, let loose. And I'll go home with someone who is pointedly not Alex."

"Close enough, I guess. Okay, let's look for outfits." Destiny scooted closer to you with her phone at the ready.

Instead of opening pinterest like you would have, she opened up Instagram, scurrying to the explore page.

Before she could type anything into the search bar, you spotted a picture in the feed of yourself that you hadn't taken.

"What's that post?" You tapped on the post without waiting for a response from Destiny.

It was a series of photo posted by a fan page of Alex's. You never really concerned yourself with the stans, you had your own, Alex had more, and you shared a number of shippers. All in all you didn't really care.

You did care about people posting photos of you and Alex walking through Disneyland like a family without your knowledge of said photos even being taken.

Destiny decided to read the caption out loud with a small hint of a chuckle in her voice, "#13sqaured seen out by fans on a family vacation. Alex and y/n think we don't know they're together."

You supposed all in all everything could be worse. Any pictures that Ryan's face would have been visible, she was either blurred out or covered by an emoji. You did appreciate that.

You grumbled, "We're not together."

Destiny ignored your grumble, "Your ship name is 13²? Why?"

"Because both of our numbers were 13, unless we were both called up at the same time, then I was 2. Pretty creative, honestly."

Destiny nodded along, "So, everyone already thinks your fucking the breaks off the poor woman...might as well prove them right..."

You blinked, unmoving, "Destiny?"

"Yes?"

"Resume the task at hand."

"Yes, ma'am."

You both had killer outfits within the next half hour.

---

When you had first told Alex about celebrating Destiny's birthday at a club, you hadn't seem too enthused, but now, as she watched you and Destiny dance together happily and highly inebriated, she could assume you had warmed up to the idea.

She sat with her back against the bar, sipping on a fruity cocktail that Destiny had handed her after shrugging when Alex had asked what it was.

Her tongue had missed the small black straw as she twirled it around absentmindedly. Her attention was else were. It was with you. She actually hadn't stopped staring at you since you had sauntered through the door.

Her eyes were as tight on you as the deep blue dress you were wearing. Her gaze snaked up your body like the straps of your heels did your calves. If she was closer than her breath would wisp of her neck like the hair that fell from your updo.

She couldn't look away even if she wanted to.

Was that sweat or were you genuinely twinkling like the star you were?

Alex thought she was losing her mind.

Ali, who was sitting somewhere near her, wasn't fairing much better, Destiny stuck to you like glue.

Then, as if to torture them personally, you and Destiny turned into one another to dance closer. Grinding on each other to the rhythm of whatever R&B song was playing. Your giggles were obvious as the two of you swayed to the beat.

Alex suck in a deep breath. Shifting in her seat. That had to have been the hottest thing she had ever seen. She's suddenly so happy she has the control she does. Or rather she's thankful that she's scared of you, and therefore has the control she does.

You suddenly bent over, shaking your ass in front of Destiny. The two of you laughed uproarously.

Alex wasn't laughing. The noises leaving her lips were definitely not that of laughter.

She swiped at Ali's arm, still reluctant to tear her eyes away, "Ali. Make them stop."

"I-uh-I-huh?" Came Ali's response. Completely unhelpful.

Though, Alex took a second to remember something you had told her early that morning. Destiny was mad at Ali for some reason or another. Plus, Destiny was Destiny so she probably wouldn't do what Ali told her anyway.

"I think I'm going to pass out, " Ali eventually said, Alex noticing she had to turn away from the dance floor to keep herself from doing just that, "You see all the alphas staring at them. I think I'm going to die, Alex."

Alex had been so focused on you that she actually hadn't noticed the various attention you were getting from circling alphas. And that was simply something which she wouldn't put up with.

She absolutely was the jealous type, and she's just tipsy enough to do something about it. Though, she knew how you reacted to her scenting you the last time, so she'd simply have to keep everyone's eyes off you the old fashion way.

Her eyes zeroed in on an alpha who looked like she finally got the courage to walk up to you, Alex quickly intercepted her before you even noticed, "Turn around."

The alpha raised a challenging eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

"Did I not speak English? I said turn around. What are you confused about?" You would probably try to suffocate Alex if you knew she started a fight over you, but honestly? Worth it.

"I don't see a mark on her, so if you'll excuse me..." The woman tried to move passed Alex, but Alex wasn't having that. Especially, because the alpha was blatantly lying, you did have a visible mark on you.

Tobin's mate mark was scarred over and didn't give off the "taken" feeling that others did, but it was still there, and normally still gave an alpha pause from afar.

Alex narrowed her eyes dangerously. The alpha scoffed before turning around on her heels. Alex's chest puffed in pride. Satisfied with her work. Though, the feeling didn't last long as she realized she'd be doing this all fucking night because you were a damn dick magnet!

---

You watched with a roll of your eyes as a fifth woman giggled and smiled up at Alex. This one twirled her hair and batted her eyelashes so hard you hoped she'd achieve lift off and crash into the ceiling.

Destiny followed your gaze and chuckled, you got the feeling she noticed something you didn't.

"What?" You asked, your arms crossed over your chest.

"Your jealousy is funny considering if you walked up to Alex and did what that girl just did she'd come so hard, she'd rip a hole in her pants."

You were too drunk to even bat an eye at Destiny's vulgarity, you glanced back at Alex to see a sixth girl at her side. Your blood boiled.

Destiny seemed to take whatever kind of pity her drunk self could muster, "Okay, stop looking so miserable and do something fun like talk to someone. You'll probably piss her off so bad she'll stop talking to those broads."

You didn't see anything wrong with Destiny's suggestion. It seemed perfectly sound, "Okay, yeah. I'll make her jealous. And hopefully get laid in the process."

Destiny wiped a fake tear from her eye, "They grow up so fast."

You stalked over to the first alpha you saw. Well, they weren't the first. You had noticed them eye you on and off all night long.

Their eyes widened in nervousness... or maybe that was fear as you approached.

"Hi." You said simply.

The alpha smiled softly in return, "Hey."

God, you used to be good at this, you tell him your name, "I've been waiting for you to say something to me all night."

He scratched at the back of his head with unease, and his eyes made contact with something behind you, "I-uh-yeah. You just seemed sort of untouchable, I guess."

You were about to lay it on thick, but that's where you at this point, "You touch-"

"Actually, I just remembered I'm married! And gay! I'm married and gay!" With that he scurried away. Far from you. You think maybe even out of the building.

You blinked in abject confusion. What the hell? You looked in your general vicinity, suddenly, noticing that everyone was offering you a wide berth.

What the fuck?

Destiny sidled up to you, having seen and noticed exactly what you had with her bleary eyes, "Probably has something to do with your scary dog over there in the corner."

Alex looked like she would kill anyone who came within 4 feet if you. You scoffed. Omegas could fawn over her like she was the second coming of Jesus, but you couldn't even ask an alpha for the time of day?

Alex eyes were heavy on your skin as she raised her cup to you with a mischievous wink. Great, now you're fucking pissed.

"How is she doing that she didn't even scent me?!"

"Pure aura, Babe. At least she's was subtle about it. Ali kicked a guy in the shin while you were in the restroom." Destiny didn't seem too enthused about that either as she dragged you to the opposite end of the bar that Alex and Alex were on.

Destiny handed you another unidentifiable drink.

"Why are you mad at her, again?"

Destiny hummed with a smile, "Can't remember, but I can't tell her that, now can I? Just gonna flirt with this random next me to until she gives up. Give it about three minutes give or take before she comes over here. It would be 1 minute if Alex wasn't with her."

You keep as much of a mental timer as you can. You think it's two and a half minutes before Ali shows up behind Destiny. Ali completely ignored the woman Destiny was talking to, instead she grabbed Destiny by the arm and spoke lowly in her ear.

"Are you done being a brat?"

You had never seen Destiny's demeanor flip faster. You were not familiar with Ali's game.

Destiny only nodded silently.

"Good. Say goodbye to y/n. Don't worry about your tab. I'll meet you outside."

With that Ali nodded her departure to you, and left Destiny standing there. It took everything in you not to laugh hysterically.

"This is why we left the kids with Tobin and Chris. Bye, Y/N."

"Bye, Bitch. Happy birthday. And make sure those handcuffs don't get too tight."

Destiny flicked you on the arm before scurrying after Ali.

You swallowed down the last of your drink. You gestured for the bartender so you could close your tab.

"Don't bother."

That raspy voice would normally make you weak in the knees, but now, it just made you mad.

"I can pay things myself."

Alex shrugged, "I know."

"Why'd you do that tonight? Scaring off all those alphas. Don't you want me to be happy?" You asked with a jab to her chest.

"Not with them. They don't deserve you."

You scoffed, "And you do?"

"What do you think is going to happen if we slept together? I know you want me, just as much as I want you."

Your breath hitched in your throat. Just as much as it had been obvious, despite your denial, Alex had never said it out loud. Undeniably. Untethered. And fuck, you wish she hadn't.

"I can't risk... Not with Ry-"

Alex cut you off. Her hand came up to rest against your cheek, her thumb traced the outline of your bottom lip, "I'm not Tobin."

You shook your head almost imperceptibly, "I can't- I'm sorry, Alex."

You broke away from her. Quickly, gathering your belongings and hustling outside. Away from Alex. Before something could stop you.

---

Alex eyed you longingly as you happily spoke to some single alpha parent during practice. It was just about the only thing she'd done all day. Ali was tired of it.

"Are you just going to stare at her sadly, or say something?" She said without looking up from her clipboard.

"Stare at her sadly. Then kick that parent's kid off the team."

"Oh my god." Ali groaned, throwing her hands into the air in exasperation.

"Don't start. You're too chicken shit to ask out Destiny on a real date. At least I fucking try with her."

"Irrelevant."

"Hardly."

They're both irritated the rest of practice.

---

You think you're having a quarter-life crisis. That's the only explanation you have for what you're currently putting yourself through. That, and the fact that your best friend is an enabler and has never heard a bad idea she didn't like.

Destiny looked giddy at the scene before her.

Your shirt pushed to around your neck, and a stranger staring at your tits to make sure the nipple piercings he just gave you are even and what you envisioned when you walked into his shop.

You guess it probably was a sight to behold.

Luckily, your regret for the decision came and went. You were happy with how they looked, but at odds with why you got them. But nevermind that now.

Destiny looked up at you with the biggest smile you had ever seen on her, "You know who's going to love these?"

The force of your groan pushed you back into the chair.

Notes:

Someone might see those piercings very soon...

Chapter 10: you're too sweet

Notes:

The title may be "too sweet" but this next part isn't sweet at all. Don't read in public, babes.

"You know, you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain. Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape. If you can sit in a barrel, maybe I'll wait."- Too Sweet by Hozier

You had been miserable the last few days. At first, you thought it was just a cold, then, you assumed the flu that Ryan had caught the previous week was catching up to you, then, you knew you were dying because that was the only natural conclusion with your mind being in the disarray that it was.

You checked the calendar and let out a long sigh. Your heat was fast approaching. Which meant you'd have to suffer through a highly uncomfortable weekend. Luckily, Ryan was with Tobin and Christen for the next few days.

You had spent exactly three seconds wondering if you should pick some willing alpha up from a random bar, just to make your heat more bearable, then, you thought about what Alex would do if she found out about that, which led to you thinking about Alex helping, which had you practically scarfing your heat suppressant pills down dry, and ultimately deciding you would lock yourself in your house with a chastity belt and throw away the key.

Dramatic, sure, but necessary it would seem.

Ryan looked up at you with big, sad, concerned eyes, "Are you sure you don't need me to stay, Mommy?"

You cooed at your baby girl. She was so caring and innocent, "No, baby! Mommy just needs some rest. You'll help me by having fun with your Mama and Chris!"

Ryan's pout deepened, "Chris can't play because of her belly!"

Truthfully, you thought that was funny, but you did good to keep any amusement off your face, "Baby, please don't say that to her, she's sensitive about it. You'll still have fun. I promise."

A knock came from your front door. You walked over to answer it, knowing it was Tobin coming to gather your offspring. You opened the door without so much as a greeting.

Tobin's eyes widened and she stuttered, very obviously sensing your current situation. Your heat wouldn't have much of an affect on her because she was mated, but it was clear that biological fact didn't make the situation any less awkward for her, "Oh. Uh-have fun?"

You couldn't have cared less if she was uncomfortable or not. You rolled your eyes and practically shoved Ryan into her mother's legs, "Shut up. I'll text you when you can bring her back. Don't be surprised if it's not until like Tuesday."

Tobin scratched at the back of head, unwilling to make eye contact with you "Are you going to like um take care of-"

You blinked in annoyance, "Bye, Tobin. Bye, my beautiful princess. I love you, baby."

With that you closed the door and promptly plopped face down onto your couch.

The suppressants helped with the overwhelming horniness, but in exchange you were plagued with lethargy and a raging headache.

You pulled out your phone to complain to Destiny.

You: i think I'm dying

Destiny: No you're just horny. There's a big difference

You: ugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.

Destiny: there's ways to fix this. You're just too stubborn to use your resources

You sighed and flipped onto your back, swiping at the sweat that was starting to bead along your forehead.

You: im growing ever more tempted by the second

Destiny: 🙂‍↕️

Destiny didn't provide you with any indication of what she may have meant by that emoji, and you were too exhausted to ask. Instead, you put your phone down on the coffee table next to you. You stripped out of your hoodie, leaving you in a tank top and sleep shorts.

For a few long moments you watched whatever cartoon Ryan had left flickering across the television, your eyes drooping despite your surprising interest in the show.

The next thing you knew you were being startled awake by another knock on the door. You squinted at the time on your phone. It was only ten after nine at night. Not too late, but odd for someone to show up on your doorstep.

You opened the door, completely forgetting about your predicament in your drowsy state.

Frowning at the familiar face standing on your front porch, you spoke a little harsher than you intended, "What are you doing here?"

Alex had much the same look on her face that Tobin did, though, where Tobin couldn't fight her uncomfortableness, Alex seemed to desperately be fighting...other things. As a result, she was silent too long, her mouth gaping open like a fish.

Her voice cracked and squeaked uncharacteristically after a prompting eyebrow raise from you, "Uhhhhhhh Destiny sai-said you weren't f-feeling well."

So, that's what that sneaky bitch was up to.

"Did she now..." You could only chuckle and shake your head in bemusement. You took a deep breath as it became obvious to you, you would be due for another round of suppressants soon. In the meantime, you supposed it would be nice to talk to someone.

You stepped aside without another word, Alex got the hint, though her steps were stuttered. She entered into your home closing and locking the door softly behind her.

You simply went back to the couch, sitting down and rewinding your show so you could see the parts you slept through.

Alex stood awkwardly near the opposite end of the couch. She held up a container of food almost timidly, like she was rethinking whatever plan she had come here with, and this part didn't seem necessary anymore.

"I-uh-I brought you soup."

You looked over at her, your nose scrunching up, the thought of eating wasn't that appealing to you at the moment, you had one thing on your mind, "Not hungry, but, thank you. You can sit. We're watching Bluey."

Alex sat down quickly, heavily, as if she was lugging around a sack of bricks all day, when you glanced at her she was practically sitting on her hands, "Have you eaten at all today? Drank anything?"

Your breath caught in your throat for a few agonizing seconds, "Uh, yeah. Gatorade and carrot sticks are all I've been able to stomach. Thanks for asking. I don't think anyone ever has other than like Destiny."

Alex's eyes furrowed in disbelief, "Not even Tobin? But you're in heat? She's supposed to-"

She abruptly stopped talking and you were grateful for it. Though, you couldn't help but start thinking down that track. There were a lot of things Tobin hadn't done, that you know for a fact she does with Christen. Was it you? We're you the problem?

Alex's eyes darkened in disapproval.

You hadn't meant to say that out loud, but now that you had, it was like the floodgates of every insecurity you had ever had opened up and you couldn't stop talking. Even though you could see out the corner of your eyes that Alex was becoming increasingly more agitated and desperate for you to stop.

You were rambling, not making sense, it's was word vomit with no real rhyme or reason, sometimes it's was true, most of the time it wasn't, but you couldn't stop. It was almost like you were drunk.

"Sometimes, I feel unlovable, and ugly or maybe I'm just old, and what does Christen have that I don't?...Fuck...I thought you and I had something even when we were both still playing and you were married, and no one ever wanted me, at least not for very long. This is all your fault for leading me on actually and-"

"Y/N. Stop." Alex's voice is raspy yet somehow still stable and attention grabbing.

You stopped your stream of consciousness with an angry glare. You had been on a real roll.

"None of that is true." She said simply, her voice still raspy and low.

"How can you be so sure?"

Alex seemed to fight with herself for a few long seconds. Then, she scooted closer to you on the couch, hesitant. She reached for your hand slowly, giving you time to pull away if you so felt the need. You didn't. You let her soft hand clamp lightly around your wrist. She swallowed harshly, nervously.

Then with a exhale of determination she placed your hand on her lap. Your eyes widened in surprise. Surprise that she would bring you here, surprise that you were letting her.

She bit her lip as your hand gripped her hard length subconsciously.

"Oh." Came your eloquent response.

"Yeah. 'Oh'."

It was there that a split second decision was made on your part. A decision there wasn't any coming back from. A decision you didn't really want to come back from. A decision that was only partially driven by your heat, and mainly the fact that you couldn't resist any-fucking-more.

You'd just simply work out the hard stuff in the morning.

Alex looked like she was going to explode. She whimpered as you began to fondle her through her jeans, her eyes fluttering shut, "Please."

"Are you sure? I-I'm in distress. In heat. It's biology. You can't control it." You wanted to make it obvious you understood if she was just trying to make you feel better.

Alex wasn't having any of it, her nose scrunched and she shook her head faster than was needed to get her point across,"Y/N....shut up. I'm-I can't...fuck I'm always like this...for you. Like it's sort of embarrassing."

You resist the urge to regale her with another surprised 'oh', instead you remove your hand from her lap, forcing her to open her eyes and look at you, glassy and lust blown.

"Alex..."

She doesn't do anything to indicate she's listening, but you know you have her full undivided attention.

"Kiss me."

Alex nodded but didn't move, despite your clouded head space, you got it. You understood. You didn't take any offense.

Every time Alex had wanted to kiss you, she leaned in, and you pushed her away. It would be up to you to lean in this time.

So, lean in you did. You could feel Alex's sigh of relief hot against your lips. It was nice to hold this kind of power over her, you were sure you'd lose it soon, so it would be nice while it lasted.

The kiss is surprisingly soft, until it very quickly isn't anymore. There wasn't any kissing Alex Morgan softly for the first time. No, as soon as you taste her, you forget about everything other than getting her closer.

The whimper she let out is reverent.

Your hands found themselves fisting into the fabric at her shoulders. Then clawing at the nape of her neck. Then slinking into her hair.

Her hands gripped at your hips, urging you into her lap. You broke the kiss to gasp at the feeling of her under you. She didn't let you stay away for long, catching your bottom lip between hers again.

Your ass is gripped by a strong hand. You have no choice, but to come up for air. You dared to open your eyes. The sight in front of you had need to be painted by Michelangelo himself.

Alex's lips were kiss swollen, her cheeks flushed, chest heaving, and her eyes...gone was the blue you dreamed about, instead it was replaced almost entirely by a lust-heavy black.

"Should we uh should we maybe head to the bedroom?" You asked, trying to catch your own breath.

Alex, once again didn't answer verbally, instead she just stood with you still attached to her and started the quick trek toward your bedroom.

There was no need to hide your reaction at the display of strength. She would find out just how much you appreciated that in the very near future.

It didn't take her long to reach your room. Before she could sit you on the bed you jumped back into standing from her arms. She didn't have any time to react before you pushed her into sitting on the edge of your bed.

Her confused expression was cute, but you definitely wanted to wipe it off and replace it with a much more pleased look.

"Take off your pants." You urged simply.

Realization dawned on her, her cheeks reddened even further, "You don't have to do that."

You settled slowly onto your knees in front of her, she swallowed harshly, "I want to, Alex. Believe me."

Your hands slid up her strong thighs, even through her jeans, you could feel the lithe muscle. You stopped at the button of her pants, taking extra care not to brush over her straining cock.

You took your time unbuttoning her pants, unzipping them, pulling them and her underwear down her legs and then off of them completely. All the while Alex's own hands stayed at her sides politely and her eyes on the ceiling.

Her length stood at attention in front of you, unincumbered and enticing. You wrapped your fingers around the base. The alpha's breathe hitched. Her eyes now squeezed shut. You were going to get her to make eye contact while her dick was in your mouth one way or another.

You stroked up and down her shaft slowly. You pressed your lips softly to her weeping tip and basked in her whimper.

"Alex, look at me."

She clamped her eyes shut even tighter. Your determination hit an all time high.

You dragged your tongue from the bottom to the tip, where you started to suck lightly. Your plan was to notice go any further until she looked at you, but she seemed just as determined as you, and after a while, it was obvious this slow going was torturing you more than it was bothering her.

Alex groaned as you slipped the rest of her into your mouth. Her hands gripped at the bedsheets. Even though she wasn't looking you kept your eyes on her. Taking in her blissful state. You wished you could keep her like this forever.

"Alex..." You taunt lowly, almost innocently. She almost falls for it, her chin coming down to rest against her heaving chest, but her eyes stay closed.

She's too nervous to touch you. She's desperately trying not to cum too quickly. That'd be so embarrassing. She's dreamed about this moment for months. Maybe even years. No definitely years. She could cry.

When she felt herself reach the back of your throat, there was no more staying quiet, "Fuck. Do you not have a gag reflex?"

You hum around her in the negative. Alex's leg started to shake.

"Look at me, Alex."

She shook her head. If she looked at you , she would cum.

You stopped touching her completely, "Alex. Look at me."

Her eyes snapped open in abject horror, her eyes were so blown it was almost comical.

After an extra few seconds to make sure you had her full attention, you slipped her back into your mouth with a satisfied hum.

Almost immediately she released directly down your throat, leaving you no choice but to swallow all of her down. You could tell she was embarrassed but that was the sexiest thing you've ever witnessed.

She flopped backwards onto the bed, her hands covering her face,"God. No wonder Tobin followed you around like a lost puppy."

You rolled your eyes, and straddled her lap, taking off your tank top and panties, "Can we not talk about my ex-wife in the middle of sex? Sort of a mood killer, don't you think?"

Though, judging by how fast Alex was regaining her stamina, and the amount of slick you were dripping onto her thigh, it would be very hard to "kill the mood".

Alex eventually peaked through her fingers at you and groaned again, "Fuck, how long have you had those?"

You looked down at your pierced nipples and shrugged, "Long enough for you to touch them. Although, I don't think it's fair that I'm fully naked and you're still Winnie The Pooh-ing it."

Alex slipped her t-shirt and bra from her frame with a soft laugh, "So me mentioning Tobin could kill the mood but not you saying, and I quote, 'Winnie The Pooh-ing it'?"

Your hands slipped up the tight plane of Alex's torso, you leaned down until your lips were only a breath away from touching, "Alex, a train crashing through here wouldn't even stop me from getting you inside of me at this point."

Something in Alex's eyes flickered and you knew you would no longer be in charge of anything else that was to occur that night.

Alex nipped at your bottom lip lightly. You whimpered in response. She pushed at your shoulder to get you to sit back up. Movement across from you caught your eyes, you looked to see yourself in your floor length mirror.

Alex noticed the mirror too, you could see the exact point she had gotten an idea. Your cheeks flushed in anticipation.

"I want you to watch." She said simply.

You didn't know if you'd be able to. That seemed so intimate. You almost opened your mouth to say just that, but one look at Alex told you that she wasn't accepting 'No' for an answer on that front. So, you nodded. If things got too overwhelming, you'd just close your eyes.

Alex trailed one hand to your newly blinged out breast, your nipple caught between hers fingers. You shivered. You covered her hand to keep her there.

Her other hand squeezed at your ass before sliding to the front. Her fingers easily slipped through your drenched center. She made sure to stay clear of your clit, massaging your lips then dipping a finger into your entrance. Your hips jerked forward, grinding against Alex's length.

"Look at you, just soaked."

"Alex...please."

Alex didn't stop any of her exploratory teasing, "Please what?"

You whined, "Pl-please fuck me, Alpha."

"Remember to watch." Is the only warning you get before Alex lifted you up then entered you.

Your eyes immediately closed at the feeling of being stretched, you moaned deeply. God, it felt so good. You couldn't even began to sort through how bad, how long, you wanted this.

Alex placed her hands on your hips to slowly rock you back and forth against her. It was obvious you wanted more as your hips tried to move faster against her. But her grip was too strong.

"Stop it. My pace."

You groaned loudly, half in pleasure, half in agony. Didn't Alex realize how badly you needed it? How badly you needed her?

"I'll go faster when you start looking in the mirror. I want you to watch me fuck you."

You couldn't hold onto anymore stubbornness. You had used it all up trying to resist Alex in the first place. There wasn't an ounce left in you. So, you looked up at the mirror.

You know why Alex wanted you to see. She wanted you to remember. Bask in it. This was what you had been missing out on. This was what she did to you.

As promised her pace increased. She trusted up into you at the same time her hands would drag you back down onto her.

You started to moan your praises incoherently. A hand coming to brace yourself onto Alex's chest. Her heart beat in tandem with the speed in which she rocked you against her.

"God, you feel so good around me. So tight."

You could feel her pounding at that spot  inside of you. Your eyes fluttered shut on their own accord. Your head fell back as you arched into her thrusts.

"No. Keep your head up. Watch yourself."

You tried your hardest to obey her instructions, but everything just felt so good and right, it was hard to even recognize which way was up.

Your hand traveled to the apex of your thighs, rubbing at your clit frantically.

"Alex...I need to-" Your words were cut off by your own mewl. That coil in your stomach was tightening ever faster.

"Is this what you wanted? When you were going on and on about no one wanting you? You just wanted to be fucked, huh?"

Your head bobbled in agreement even though her words went in one ear and out the other. All your focus was on your visage in the mirror. You were getting closer and closer by the second. Judging by Alex's breathy pants every time you clamped down on her, she was too.

"...Al-I'm so close..." You babble in and out of the sentence, but Alex gets you better than pretty much anyone.

"I know. Me too. Come for me."

Your back arched fully and her eyes rolled back into her head, breaking your eye contact with your mirror image. Soaking Alex's lap the way you did was a given.

Darkness started to creep into the edges of your vision.

Alex fell over the cliff seconds after you. Releasing into you with a deep groan that makes your chest vibrate.

Alex barely had any time to shift the both of you before you were out like a light.

---

About an hour later, your eyes flutter open and you groan. Your met with eyeing you with a deeply satisfied and proud smirk. If you weren't deep into the throws of your heat, your suppressants had long since worn off, you'd kick her in the shin.

Unfortunately, all the stupid look on her face does is make you want her even more. You'll get your willpower back soon enough. Tonight, however, is not that night.

"Alex?"

"Mhm?"

"We'll talk about this in the morning. Right now? Fuck me."

Chapter 11: small town girl in a big arcade

"I don't need your games, game over
Get me off this roller-coaster"-Arcade by Duncan Laurence

You woke up with a deep groan. You were sore in the best way possible and you could feel your heat just on the edge of your mind. It would hit you again soon, but for now you could think a little clearer.

"Good God, Woman. Could you at least give me an hour before you start moaning again." Came a deep morning rasp from sort of underneath you.

You had been practically laying on Alex's face. You shifted over with a roll of your eyes.

"I was yawning and stretching because someone decided I needed to feel her for a week." You swatted her lightly on her bare torso.

The resulting smug smile is one you could do without but you knew there was nothing you could do short of kicking her that would make her stop.

"That's a funny way to say 'thank you', but you're welcome." She placed her hands behind her head and sunk deeper into the bed. The movement had your eyes drifting down to her breasts.

You swallowed then pried your eyes away and back to hers, "I'm not thanking you for fucking me, Alex. Everyone and their mother knew you were going to do it eventually."

Alex pouted, "But I was so good at it! That was my best work."

You rolled your eyes for what might have been the gazillionth time since you had met Alex, her arrogance was annoying you, but she wasn't wrong"...I haven't had worse."

"I'm better at sex than Tobin! I can die happy now."

You huffed out a laugh, "Have you ever tried to be normal for three seconds?"

Alex seemed to genuinely think about it for a few seconds, "Yes, last night when you put your hand on my dick. I tried extremely hard to be normal about that. I don't think I did a good job."

You leaned into Alex's neck to hide your face, "If I remember correctly, you put my hand on your dick. Is that why you wouldn't look at me?"

You could feel Alex's hum vibrate along the column of her throat, "If I looked at you I knew I wouldn't last very long. And I was right. That will never happen again. I promise I have self control."

You could practically feel Alex's embarrassment through her voice, you shook your head, "It was hot. You let go just from the sight of my mouth wrapped around your-"

"Anyway! Are we going to do that again or is this where you kick me out of the house without my pants?"

You shifted closer into the curve of Alex's body, trying to steal her warmth and calming scent for yourself, "No, this is the part where I surprise you and tell you I liked this, I like you, and if anyone else were to touch you I'd knock the Sonic rings out of them."

Alex giggle was soft and warm like the crook of her neck, "Cool. We'll go on a date after your heat. I feel all those things too, by the way. Right down to the Sonic rings."

You chuckled again. God, you had forgotten what it was like to just laugh and exist with someone you liked. You can't even remember the last time you did, but you wouldn't be surprised if that last someone was Alex too.

"I do have stipulations..."

Alex only nodded like she expected it, "You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

You pulled back slightly so you were eye to eye, "I'm not ready to mate, yet. I will be, just not yet. Is that a deal breaker?"

Alex looked at you like you'd grown a second leg, "No, it's not a deal breaker. A deal breaker is suggesting something like I'm not allowed to wear the color red on Tuesdays. Or you're actually a child axe murderer. You setting a boundary like that is not a deal breaker."

You blinked back the water at the edges of your eyes, "Oh, okay. Good. I just-uh-how'd you not uh do it last night?"

Alex's eyes traced over your healed mating mark, "Well, I knew it wouldn't feel the best if you weren't prepared and it's pretty easy to not do things that would hurt you."

You were feeling a lot of emotions that you didn't have the wherewithal to sift through at the moment, so you kept going with your stipulations, "We're not telling Tobin."

It was clear this stipulation Alex didn't quite agree with, "Why not?"

"She'll kill you, Alex." You said as though it was as obvious as the Sun shining through your blinds.

"I can take her."

You whined, "Alex! She's always suspected we've had a thing. We'll ease her into it, after the baby is born. If she gets annoying it'll stress Christen out and she doesn't need any added stress."

It was sort of annoying how well Alex knew you, "You're not telling me something. Why'd you two divorce in first place? And don't just say 'creative differences' or something like that. It was something else."

"Oh no, my heat it's overtaking me, again. Alex fuck me!"

Alex said your name in a voice that left no room for feigning heat.

"Well, part of it was the fact that we just didn't get along anymore, but you're right. I would have dealt with that. For Ryan's sake. But one day, I came back from a business trip and she accused me of cheating...with you. It was the straw that broke the camel's back, I guess. I hadn't even spoken to you in like a year at that point."

You could feel Alex starting to tense underneath you, like she was gearing up to jump out of the bed and track down Tobin. You placed your hand on her stomach.

"Why would she think that?"

You shrugged, "Didn't bother sticking around to find out. Maybe she was projecting. I don't know...I filed the same day. Jetlagged and still in my travelwear."

Your hand traced small circles wear it rested atop Alex's midsection.

"Is that why you want to hold off on mating?"

You nodded, there was no need for you to elaborate.

Alex spoke again, "What about Ryan? Do we tell her?"

You were torn for a few seconds before your conscious won out, "I don't like keeping things from her, and she's too observant not to figure it out herself. So, yes. We'll tell her. I'm still worried about not working out and ripping another person away from her, but she's already attached to you, it's too late. I doubt she will, but if she let's it slip to Tobin, then that might be ideal because she won't be annoying with Ryan there."

Alex hummed softly, "Good. Now, that's all settled. Will you please move your hand a little lower or stop touching me?"

You chose the opposite of stop touching her.

---

You finally felt closer to yourself than you had the last few days. Gone was the perpetual horniness and in it's wake was a deep exhaustion that would pass by the end of the week.

You and Alex still hadn't gone on a formal date, simply because you hadn't come up for air all weekend. You weren't worried about it, you were sure the two of you would get around to it eventually.

Now, you sat across from each other at your kitchen island. Fully dressed and bored out of your mind. Well, Alex wasn't bored, she was having fun organizing your eating utensils drawer.

"You have got to stop just throwing forks in here after-"

Alex's impending lecture was thankfully cut off by your phone ringing. You smirked at her in response to her scowl.

You picked up your phone, eyeing the caller ID with a concerned look. You immediately answered, "Hello?"

You're greeted by your last name, "I am sorry to bother you during your day, however, Ryan got into an altercation with a fellow camp-goer and we feel it's best that you come and pick her up for the day. We called your ex-wife, she was unreachable."

Your eye started to twitch for a multitude of reasons, "Thank you, I'll be there within the half hour."

The counselor tried to speak again but you promptly hung up. Irritation setting deep into your temples.

You sent off a quick text to Tobin.

You: you better be dying or Christen better be in labor. Whatever it is someone will be in the hospital by the end of the day.

Alex looked at you warily, she didn't move any closer in fear that you would scratch out her eyes, "Everything okay? You look...um...mad?"

There was a sharp ache at your temples, "Mad is an understatement. Ryan got into an "altercation" at camp and your best friend is M.I.A."

Alex let out a soft laugh that soothed your incense down a bit, "Horrible best friend I am. I just fucked her ex all weekend."

You promptly turned on your heels to hide your resulting blush from Alex. You scrambled around for your car keys. Seconds later, Alex popped up in front of you, dangling hers in front of your face.

"I'll drive. You need to calm down."

Ultimately, you didn't argue with her, you could use the drive to gather your thoughts. You weren't mad at Ryan, even without knowing the circumstances, you knew your daughter well enough to realize she wouldn't have gotten into an "altercation" for no good reason.

Your anger was at the counselors and Tobin. The Tobin part was obvious. The counselors, you just had a feeling things weren't being handled as you felt they should. Call it mother's intuition.

Alex grabbed your hand, removing it from where you were digging your nails into your thigh, "She's a good kid, I doubt the cops are in transit."

You shook your head, "I know. It's not that, I just don't like the idea of her being punished for standing up for herself. She wouldn't have gotten into it if someone else hadn't started it."

Alex looked at you out the corner of her eye, "You're a great mother, you know that?"

"I try to be." You swallowed and looked down at your lap. There were a lot of things you tried to be, but sometimes you felt like you fell short.

"And you achieve it everyday."

Even though her eyes were back on the road, you turned to face her, admiring the slope of her jaw as you spoke, "Alex, can ask you a question?"

"Always. Whether I'll answer it is a different story entirely." She squeezed your hand to let you know she was joking, but you knew anyway.

"Why didn't you have kids with Kelley? You were together longer than Tobin and I were."

Alex was silent for a few long seconds before she just shrugged, "Never worked out."

You nodded softly, "I think you'd make a great mother."

The corner of Alex's mouth twitched up, though, you were both silent the rest of the drive.

---

You're practically out of the car before Alex even parked it. Something Alex wasn't too fond of if her slight growl was anything to go by. For the time being, you ignored the alpha, your baby needed you.

You hightail it to the front office. Ryan is sitting in a chair too big for her looking absolutely downtrodden. As soon as she saw you she scrambled into your arms with a highly uncharacteristic wail.

"M-mommy! I s-said I was sorry!" She sobbed into your stomach.

You rubbed her back softly while glaring at the counselor in charge just over Ryan's shoulder.

"I know you are, baby. We'll talk in a second. Mommy has to handle something. Can you hang with Alex for a second while the grown ups talk?"

She sniffled for a second before looking behind you, "Alex?"

Alex gestured for Ryan to join her outside the office, "Hi, Kiddo. Why don't we get a drink of water? I think your mother is about to say some words even too grown up for me to hear."

Ryan tried to push out a laugh, but ultimately started sobbing again. Your eye started twitching for the second time. The counselor had the good sense to look terrified of you.

Alex picked Ryan up, walking away from the front office to give you some privacy.

She gave Ryan a hug and rubbed her back softly until she calmed down enough to speak, "What happened today, Ry?"

Ryan swiped at her tears in frustration, "I was drawing with Chloe then this mean boy came over. He asked to play with Chloe and she said no because she was drawing with me. He didn't like that so he ripped my drawing then he called Mommy mean names and said we weren't a real family. I told him to stop but he didn't. Then I told my teacher but she didn't do anything. Then he called Mommy another bad word so I punched him in the nose. I said I was sorry but no one listened!"

She hid her face in Alex's neck but luckily she didn't start crying again.

"Hey, look at me, Ry."

Ryan reluctantly drew her eye's to Alex's.

"It's okay, I promise. You did everything in the order you were supposed to. I'm sorry it escalated the way it did. Your mother isn't mad at you," Alex paused before giving Ryan a subtle fist bump, "Good job protecting your mom, Little Alpha. Don't tell anyone but I would have hit him too."

Ryan's little face did break out into a small smile that time. She put her head back onto Alex's shoulder, exhausted from the day's events.

Eventually, you exited the front office with a self satisfied smile.

Alex turned to you with a raised eyebrow, "Should I even ask?"

"Nope. Just know that the other kid got expelled, and RyRy got off with a warning."

"And what about Tobin?"

You took a glimpse at your sleepy child and sighed, "I'll let karma and guilt handle that one."

Alex nodded and turned toward the front door, "Ice cream, then?"

You shook your head in amusement, "No. We're going home. She's using your shirt as a tissue right now."

"It's okay. I own a washing machine."

"And no dryer?" You asked playfully.

"I thought that's what the oven was for? Is that why I keep burning my shirts!?"

You rolled your eyes, "You're not funny."

"The kid laughed."

"That's because you're an alpha. She thinks anything you do is cool or funny. Plus, she's half asleep. She probably forgot what you said while you were saying it."

Alex glared at you, "Ryan, your mom is being mean. Let's leave her here."

Without further word, Alex began sprinting out of the building, seven year old laughter trailing her.

Alex stopped running once she got to her car. She opened the back door and shoveled Ryan into the vehicle. The seven year old giggled and situated herself into her seat properly.

Before Alex could move to the front of the car, Ryan's small voice stopped her, "Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you like my mommy?"

Alex smiled and laughed lightly, "Yes. I like your mommy very much."

Ryan got a stern look on her face, "Good. If you hurt her, I'll-I'll....um do something mean to you!"

"I got it, Little alpha. I would never hurt your mother or you on purpose."

Ryan seemed content with that answer, "You make her laugh. I like it when Mommy laughs."

Alex swallowed, "I do too."

Chapter 12: i thought that i was dreaming

"No matter what I did my waves wouldn't dip back then. Everything sucked back then. We were friends."-Ivy by Frank Ocean

"Mommy! Are you done yelling at Mama? I have to get dressed for my game!" Ryan peered around the corner into your bedroom, still in her spider-man pajamas set.

Her face told you that she wasn't perturbed by the yelling really, in fact, she wanted to give Tobin a piece of her mind just as much as you, but she was more annoyed with the fact that you were prioritizing yelling at Tobin without her, rather than helping her get her uniform on.

She had traditions and she needed to stick to them. God, you need to keep Alex away from her because she was starting to turn into a Mini Morgan and the thought of having to deal with 2 of them sounded like a nightmare.

Tobin, who decided to show up on time and in person for once in her damn life, snatched Ryan up into her arms with a grunt of effort.

"Your mom wasn't yelling at me, Mini Me. She was just...talking at me very loudly...?"

Regardless of Tobin having just called Ryan "Mini Me", her face replicated yours more than it ever had before as she eyed Tobin, "Put me down, Mama."

"Ry, you can express that you're upset without being rude." You chastised, though there was very little heart behind your words.

Ryan turned back to Tobin with a roll of her eyes, God, her teen years were going to be torture, "Put me down. Please."

Tobin sat her back on her feet with a sigh, "Ryan, I know you're upset with me, but I already apologized. It won't happen again."

"You said that last time. You said you wouldn't forget about me." Ryan crossed her arms in an attempt to look even more angry, but her lip quivered and her breath quickened.

Your eye started to twitch.

Tobin kneeled down to Ryan's height, "Ryan Nicole Heath, I did not forget about you."

"Something was more important than me."

You think your kid is too smart for her own good.

"Nothing's more important than you. There are things that are equally important. Like the baby-"

"The baby is still inside Christen! You weren't with Christen. I heard Mommy call and ask."

Tobin sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, "Ryan, I know you're upset. I get it. But I love you and-"

"You're sorry and it won't happen again. Whatever. Mommy, I will be waiting patiently in my room. You may continue yelling. But don't take too long. Alex hates it when we're late." With that, Ryan stalked off to her room.

You caught Tobin by the back of her shirt to keep her from going after the child, "She's seven. She's got a lot of big feelings. Let her go for a couple minutes. Besides, she's right. I wasn't done saying my piece."

"Can you spare me the lecture? My kid hates me."

You closed the door to your bedroom to keep out any prying seven year old ears, "She doesn't hate you. I hate you."

Tobin said your name softly.

"Nope. Fuck you, Tobin. I don't know why I thought we could do this. Why I thought I could do this with you. When I found out I was pregnant I was so excited and scared but I thought we loved each other enough to figure it out. When we divorced I thought you loved Ryan enough to figure it out. And you know what sucks the most? There's no doubt in my mind that you will be the best parent ever to that baby boy your wife is pregnant with. I know you will. I just don't know what's different now. You love Ryan, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Then what's the fucking problem? I just needed you to be reliable for one fucking week. While I was in heat!? You know what heats do to me. I couldn't even fucking drive. Alex took me!"

You can see the questions and jaw clench play out on Tobin's face in response to Alex. You rolled your eyes.

"Oh. Now you're listening? Good. Recitals. School. Games. What's next? You miss her first kiss? First break up? Graduation? Where the hell were you Tobin?"

"I told you. I had a work thing."

"You work with Christen! Are you cheating on her?"

Tobin looked at you like you were the one to cross a line, "Hell no. Look, it really was a work thing. I can't tell you about it, can't even tell Chris yet. My phone was on silent. My bad for assuming that our kid who cries if you step on Lego wouldn't hit another kid. I'm not cheating on my fucking wife. And I didn't forget about Ryan."

"You get the cheating out of your system with the first wife?" You asked sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes, "I didn't cheat on you either."

You crossed your arms over your chest, "Maybe not physically...did you even ever love me?"

"Yes. I wouldn't have mated with you if I didn't. Did you love me?!"

Despite how you feel about her in the current moment, the answer is 'yes'. You wouldn't have mated with her if you didn't. But, you're in the mood to hurt her feelings at the moment.

"Just enough to not fuck Alex behind your back."

Her eyes narrowed at you harshly, "Real mature."

"I know. You thought I was fucking her anyway, it was extremely mature of me to not just do it. It's almost like I had a real stake in our relationship. In fact, I cared about us together so much, I cut her off completely because I knew how uncomfortable she made you. I should've known how this would end when you didn't do the same."

"I never asked you to do that."

"You didn't have to. Anyway, I'm done talking about this. This wasn't productive. I don't think it ever will be."

Tobin tries to get your attention again.

You shake your head and put up a hand, "I don't want to hear it, Tobin. I don't want to see you unless it's to drop off or pick up Ryan. If you're at a game or recital or something make sure you're out of punching distance."

"How are you going to get to the game today? Your car is in the shop. I was supposed to take you." Tobin reminded you with an uncharacteristically haughty tilt to her head.

"I'll call Alex."

That worked just as well as you had expect it to. The day you stop using Alex as your checkmate in arguments with Tobin, is the day Tobin stops letting it work. The haughtiness wiped square off of her face, replaced with a deep, jealous scowl.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go. Tell Ryan I'll see her at the game."

You do no such thing.

Instead you silently help Ryan into her clothes, noting the despondent look on her face. Hopefully, the energy of her teammates will rub off on her.

Alex arrived rather quickly as she didn't live very far from you, nor did she like being late to games. Another one of those pesky superstitions no one could get her to part with.

Ryan was still upstairs when you opened the door to greet Alex.

"The Morgan Mobile has arrived!"

It was a good thing that Ryan was upstairs, because as soon as you opened the door you bursted into soft sobs. All the emotions of the last half hour hit you at once.

"Whoa, hey, what's wrong? The Morgan mobile thing wasn't that cringe was it? I thought soccer stallion would be too much."

You chuckled despite yourself, wiping away the tears that were running down your face.

"There's that beautiful smile. I much prefer that over the tears." Alex wrapped her arms around you softly, letting your burrow your face in her neck. You did so, inhaling the soothing pheromones she was releasing.

"Thank you," You whispered softly.

"No problem. Am I allowed to know what happened? I thought Tobin was taking you guys to the game? Did she flake again? I'm happy to beat her ass for you. Friend or not."

You peel yourself away from Alex, not far enough from her that some part of her isn't still touching you, however, "Fuck Tobin Powell Heath."

She blinked in surprise and slight fear at the tone of your voice,"Ooookay? Did something happen?"

You sighed, "Ryan has caught on to Tobin's asshat-ery. Tobin and I had a very big, very loud argument. If I see her again, it'll be too soon."

"I'll talk some sense into her. Is Ryan okay?"

You shrugged, unsure of yourself, "She will be, I hope. I'll talk to her, and she has a therapy session in a couple of days. I couldn't care less if Tobin is decent to me, I just need her to be decent to Ryan."

Alex pulled you back into her, she lifted your chin up so you were looking at her, "You deserve decency too, okay?"

You nodded softly, your eyes darted down to her lips. You swallowed harshly.

"Mommy! It's time to go. I saw Alex's car outside!" Your little cockblocker ran down the steps two at a time.

You jumped apart from Alex like you had been caught. Alex only smirked at you in response.

Ryan skidded to a halt at the bottom of the stairs, "Alex!"

She ran up to the woman and jumped in anticipation of being caught. Alex did with ease, of course, placing the girl on her hip, "Hi, Little Thirteen. You ready for the game today?"

"Yep! Gonna get all the goals!"

"That's what I like to hear. But first, let's get you there!"

---

By the time you make it toward the game, it's obvious that Tobin has told Christen about at least some of your "conversation".

Step-Wife: T is at the game. She won't bother you dw.

Step-Wife: she's also sleeping on the couch for a week

You're not sure how much of Tobin's soul she had to sell to get Christen to marry her. However much it was, it wasn't enough in your opinion.

You can see Tobin a few rows ahead of you. Out of punching distance like you asked, but still visible and present for Ryan.

Good. It was about time she started following directions. Maybe if she did it more often, you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

Destiny sat down next to you like she normally did. Her nose turned up when you offered her some of your nachos.

"No thanks. Why is Baby Mama all the way down there?" She asked, gently shoving the offered nachos away.

You watched as Ryan ran slower than usual, you sighed, "If she was any closer, I'd strangle her. We got into an argument after she fucked it up with Ry."

Destiny nodded her face stricken with concern. She was well aware that Tobin and you argued regularly, but she could tell by your reluctance to give details this one was more than likely more serious than the others, "Does she know you've had Alex's dick down your throat?"

You blushed, "How do you know that?"

Destiny smirked mischievously, "Because you didn't call me and accuse me of sending her to you while you were on your heat, your mouth was clearly busy with other things. You're welcome by the way."

"I'm not saying thank you. Anyway, Tobin doesn't know. And we're keeping it that way until the baby is born, or Ryan lets it slip, whichever comes first."

Destiny hummed, "Does this mean you're going to save a horse and ride Alex again? I don't see a new mark on your neck."

"God, it's like being best friends with a frat boy. Yes, we're going to go on a date soon, and the invitation for...saving horses is open indefinitely. I'm just, ugh, not ready to mate yet truly. Still need to work out some things in my dumb head. She knows that and claims she's okay with that. How are you and Ali?"

Destiny made a curious face, than chuckled, "Still just sex. She doesn't even stay the night."

You don't say anything more.

You think Ryan finally has her little head in the game as she picked up her stride, but just as she toe'd at the ball, she was tackled and down way longer than you're comfortable with.

The ref gestured for one of the trainers to come out. Alex jogged out with them. There's blood rushing to your own ears.

---

Alex kneeled down to where Ryan was trying to sit up, her sniffles loud as she held onto her scraped knee.

The trainer straightened the knee out a few times, watching as Ryan more whined than winced. He gave a quick look to Alex, communicating that Ryan would be fine.

"Come on, Kid. You're alright. Your old woman's freaking out over there and if you die, I can't coach you anymore because your mom will kill me. So, get back out there. Unless you want me dead, than I guess you can stay here."

Ryan took a few deep breaths to catch calm her pulse. She wriggled her leg around to check for herself. After determining it was up to her own standards she let Alex put her back on her feet.

Alex smiled and patted her on the shoulder. "That's my girl. I'm proud of you. Now, forget about whatever happened at home and get your head in the game, Ryan. I'll be damned if we lose."

"You said a bad word, Coach."

"Completely and totally irrelevant. What number do you wear?"

"Thirteen."

"Whose number is that?"

Ryan smiled happily, "Yours and Mommy's."

"Then what's that mean?"

"That I'm very good at soccer," She said as if it was as easy as two plus two.

"I'm glad you know. All right off the pitch until they let you back on."

---

Destiny turned to you with the best whisper she could possibly muster, not much of one, "Good thing you fucked her already, because if not, we'd be shielding all these kids eyes and herding them away to safety right now."

"What's wrong with you?" You turned to Destiny with a withered look.

"Ali's not here so I'm kinda bored honestly. No one to stare at."

You just shook your head and turned back to the game.

---

When the game was over, Ryan went to go locate Tobin. No matter how mad at her she was, she couldn't resist the urge to find her and brag about her win.

You went to find Alex once there was a lull in the mob of parents vying for her attention.

Alex smiled softly when she saw you, "Hi."

You laughed, "Hi."

"Came to tell me what I should have done better like the dads or ask for my number like the moms?"

Your jealousy was difficult to curb, "And what did you tell those moms?"

Alex smirked, "That someone in the general vicinity would knock the Sonic rings out of them."

"And Destiny would help."

"There's no doubt in my mind. Now, why did you come over here? You normally stick next to the cars and let me come to you."

You bit at your lip before speaking, "I just wanted to say thank you."

Alex's eyebrows furrowed, "For what?"

"I don't know what you said to Ry, but thank you. She normally freaks out completely whenever she gets so much as a papercut."

"Just doing my jo-"

You caught Alex off gaurd with a kiss to her cheek. You're pretty sure that even someone on the moon could tell you wanted that kiss to be a little less platonic, but the two of you hadn't actually talked about being in public. Tobin was definitely preoccupied with Ryan, but you knew Alex didn't want anyone thinking she played favorites and-

Alex leaned down to kiss you softly on the lips. Quieting any doubts or questions you had about that.

"As I was saying, I was just doing my job."

Notes:

I actually didn't really expect to write all of that with Tobin but oh well that's where the story took itself

Chapter 13: we know we both got options

Notes:

My apologies for taking so long I had horrible writer's block for the second half of the chapter

"I like it when you with me all night. I can't imagine what you might try. Yeah, you so full of surprises, guess you one of my vices."- Options by Doja Cat

In a way most unusual for her, Ryan seemed more than ready for her therapy appointment. She wasn't bouncing off the walls by any means, but she wasn't fighting you like she normally did either, you weren't sure as to why, though, you wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

She just left you in the waiting room with a hug of reassurance. Whether the hug of reassurance was for you, her, or both of you remained to be seen.

Ryan closed the door behind her as she entered the brightly colored office, smilingly shyly at her therapist. She sat in her normal spot, a blue bungee cord chair. Bouncing up and down a few times as if to make sure it was still the same chair.

Dr. Wilson returned the soft smile, "Good afternoon, Ryan. How are you today?"

Ryan found the question funny. It was only 10:00 am. She had woken up about an hour earlier, with much on her young mind. That wasn't enough time to decipher how she was.

"I'm okay. Can we play Mario Kart today? I don't want to draw yet."

Dr. Wilson nodded and began to setup the video game, "Oh? Are you waiting for something to happen before you draw?"

The shy smile was back, it bordered on conspiritorial, "Yeah. Mommy is laughing again but I don't want to jinx it."

Dr. Wilson frowned as her kart hit a banana peel, "I understand. The good thing is, you can draw what or who you want when you want. Doesn’t have to be your mommy or you."

Ryan nodded along, relieved to not have to expand on you and Alex. A good thing that she didn't want to jinx by getting too excited about it, nor did she really know much about it anyway. She was slightly afraid to ask.

"Other than your mommy laughing, anything else going on?"

Ryan's kart sputtered to a stop just before the finish line, "Mama didn't come get me when she was supposed to. Mommy is very mad."

"How do you feel about it?"

"Uh. Sad. Mad. Both of those, I think."

"Did it seem like your mother had what she felt was a good reason?"

Ryan's frown deepened, "I guess. She had a work thing. Her phone was off."

"You sound like you don't believe that."

Ryan shook her head, "I believe her. She wouldn't lie to me. Maybe to Mommy, but not me. I just-"

"You miss her?"

"Yeah, even though I see her a lot. She misses a lot of things now. I don't like it," Ryan took a pause before mumbling again, "Coach Alex is giving out awards to people on the team next week. I didn't tell Mama about it."

"Why not?"

"I don't want her to forget about it. If she doesn't know, she can't forget."

"Hm. Ryan do you mind doing me a favor?"

Ryan raised a skeptical eyebrow, "Maybe. I won't let you win Mario Kart, though."

Dr. Wilson chuckled and shook her head, "Nothing that blasphemous. I actually want to pause for a second. I want you to write a letter to your Mama. Tell her everything you told me. And when you're done. I won't make you give it to her, that's up to you. But at least you won't have to keep your feelings all balled up."

Ryan nodded hesitantly, "Okay, I can do that. Then if we have time we can play again?"

"Deal."

---

Destiny sat on your bed with a deeply annoyed frown. She watched as you ripped off a 10th outfit in frustration while mumbling something or other under your breath.

If this lasted any longer, you'd be late for your first date with Alex, and Destiny rather die than let that happen.

"You've got five seconds to choose something before I choose it for you. And if I choose it, I'm going to Ryan's closet," Destiny said without looking up from where she was scrolling on her phone.

Despite your nerves, you knew to heed Destiny's warning, "Okay, fine. You pick something. From my closet."

Destiny popped up with a smile as if she had been waiting for the opportunity all night and knew it inevitable that it would happen at some point.

She sifted through the pile on the floor in front of your walk in closet. Throwing clothing items back into the closet to make it easier for you when you hopefully came back home too tired to actually clean.

Eventually, she revealed a sleek blue dress that you hadn't looked at too closely when you originally chucked it over your shoulder. It seemed rather plain but Destiny looked positively giddy at the idea of you in it.

She shoved it in your arms, "This."

You tried to keep your nose from scrunching up, "You don't think it's kind of plain? And I don't even like blue."

Destiny guffawed, "Who cares what you like? This is about Alex and what she likes."

That didn't sound quite right to you, but you let Destiny continue on with her explanation despite yourself, "And what does Alex like, All Knowing One?"

"Well for starters, you. So, you could show up in a trash bag and she'd still want you. But she also likes you in blue.  You don't wear it often but when you do she follows you around like a lost puppy...well more than usual anyway. And this little number is just the right amount of sexy, sophisticated, and blue."

You didn't argue with Destiny purely for the sake of time. Alex would be knocking on your door any minute and you hadn't even done your makeup yet.

Destiny sat back on the bed, out of breath, you dressed yourself as efficiently as you could. Then, slapped an appropriate amount of makeup on with what little time you had left.

"Perfect! She won't know what hit her. If I see you before 12 pm tomorrow, it'll be too soon." Destiny complimented, ushering you out of your room and all the way down the steps.

Ryan and Chloe were happily dancing around the livingroom, listening to some top 40 hit that you didn't particularly care for.

Ryan stopped her rhythmic bouncing, running up to wrap her arms around your legs, "Hi, Mommy! You look very pretty."

You smiled softly, "Thank you, Babygirl. You gonna be good for Destiny?"

"Yeah! Chloe and I are gonna make a fort."

You nodded along, "Okay, just make sure to clean up after yourselves."

Ryan let you go, "Yes, Mommy. When will you be back?"

Destiny gave you a scathing look from where she was standing by the door.

"I'm not sure, but I'll be back before you know it, okay?"

Both Ryan and Destiny seemed satisfied with that answer.

There was a quick knock at the door. Destiny swung it open a bit too eagerly for your liking.

"Alex!" Ryan screeched as she normally did, running to hug Alex just as she did you.

"Hi, Little Alpha. And how might you be on this fine evening?"

Ryan shrugged, already distracted with the idea of her un-built fort, "Good. Destiny made mac and cheese for dinner. Gonna build a fort. You can help."

"Sorry, Kid. No can do. I've already got plans with your mom."

It was then Ryan seemed to remember why Alex was there and why you were dressed up, "Oh yeah. Okay. Later then. Be nice and make her laugh."

"Yes, Ma'am."

With that, Ryan scurried back to Chloe to further discuss that fort.

Alex, then, looked at you for the first time, her cheeks took on a red tint, "Hi. You look beautiful."

Your cheeks hinted in tandem, "Thank you. You do too. Didn't know you owned anything other than Athleisure."

Alex rolled her eyes playfully, "Haha."

"Okay great now that we're all reaccqauinted with each other, get out of my house!" Destiny said, pushing you into Alex and out of the door.

"This is my house."

"Semantics. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Alex have her home by next week at the earliest."

Destiny didn't let the two of you say anything else, she closed the door in your face and very pointedly locked it as well.

Did she forget you had a key to your own damn house?

"She's so interesting," Alex said with a slight laugh.

"You're telling me." You were ever so happy to have met Destiny in what seemed like fate, but gosh was she a lot to deal with. You wouldn't have it any other way.

Alex opened the car for you with a dramatic flourish, "Your chariot, M'lady!"

"You're just as weird as Destiny, " You said with an amused blush.

Alex spoke again after settling into the driver's seat, "And yet you still let me have se-"

"I could walk right back into that house."

Alex grumbled thoroughly chastised, "Destiny wouldn't let you."

You laughed at how true that was. Destiny would magically change the locks.

"So, where are we going?"

Alex glanced at you, mainly keeping her eyes on the road, "Somewhere wet. That's all I'll give you."

Your eyebrows furrowed in thought. Your first guess would have been a pool, but Alex hadn't told you to pack swimwear. Nor did she look like she was hiding any under her nice fitting jeans and blouse.

Your other thought would be an aquarium, but that seemed like a date that would involve Ryan somehow. Plus, you're sure it's probably closed by now.

Alex placed her hand on your barely covered thigh, "Relax. It'll be fun."

You tried your best to relax, but it didn't come easy, "It's been a while since I've been on a date."

"How long is a while?"

You thought, then laughed cynically, "How old is Ryan?"

Alex only hummed, knowing the question rhetorical.

"So, I guess the bar is incredibly low, Alex Morgan."

She shook her head, "Good thing I go above and beyond."

After another 20 minutes of driving, Alex pulled into a parking space near a dock along the picturesque Willamette river.

You eyed Alex curiously, "We going skinny dipping?"

"Now, there's an idea. Why didn't I think of that?" Alex feigned disappointment in herself.

You swatted at her shoulder.

"Maybe another time. We're going on a dinner cruise on that yacht. And before you protest I didn't buy a yacht just for this. It's a rental."

You hated how well Alex knew you.

"You thought about it though, didn't you?"

Alex's cheeks flushed, "I don't see how that's relevant."

You knew her pretty well too.

It was one of the reasons why once the two of you settled onto the boat, appetizers in front of you, wine in your glass, the only being speaking was the captain to his crew.

You had no idea what to talk about. Alex knew what you did, she knew what you didn't do, she knew what you liked from your favorite color down to what made your toes curl in pleasure.

Wasn't this supposed to be a first date? You couldn't even do first date things.

"What if we don't think of this as a first date? We've been with each other in some capacity for over 10 years. Let's drop the pretense," Alex suggested then she took a sip of the well aged sauvignon blanc.

You knew you hadn't voiced any of your thoughts out loud. Alex just got you. You smiled in relief and nodded your head in agreement.

"Yeah, we're pressuring ourselves unnecessarily. We just need to relax." You were saying that more to yourself than Alex.

"And I know you're trying to keep from talking about Ryan. It's okay, she's a part of you and I love hearing about all of your parts," Alex began to dig into her ceasar salad as if she hadn't just said the single nicest, sexiest thing you had ever heard.

You stared at her in astonishment, "Who are you and what have you done with Alex Morgan?"

Alex paused her eating with a confused smile, "What do you mean?"

You took a bite of your own food, using the time to think about what you were going to say next.

The lights along the edge of the river sparkled as they hit the water. You looked at Alex, her eyes sparkled similarly.

"I started dating Tobin because I couldn't be with you. I-she was there and you weren't."

You don't think that's what you meant to say when you first opened your mouth, Alex looked just as surprised as you, but not startled. You don't think she was expecting the conversation to take that turn, but she wasn't put off by it.

It wasn't first date talk. Good thing you decided you weren't on a first date.

"I know. I knew. Even then. It was one of the reasons I was so mad about the two of you. She got to kiss you and I didn't. And it was all my fault."

"We weren't right for each other yet," You didn't elaborate because you didn't quite know how.

Somewhere in there, your second course came, and you ate the grilled salmon with quiet reverence. The two of you mumbling about other things through your bites.

When Alex was done with her own food, she spoke louder, stronger. Her words leading back to the larger conversation you were having.

"Earlier you asked who am I and what have I done with Alex," She paused and you nodded your encouragement for her to continue, "I think you killed a part of me when you told me you were pregnant...this Alex is a result of that and 7 plus years of maturity and living and knowing what the fuck she wants."

You swallowed, then smiled politely at the waiter who placed your shared dessert in front you, waiting for him to make himself sparse before responding, "I like hearing about all of your parts, too, Alex. Even the dead ones."

Alex tried to hide her blush behind a bite of chocolate cake.

---

The two of you stood at the bow of the small yacht, staring over the pitch black river and its twinkling currents. You shivered, tucking closer to Alex accordingly. She wrapped her arm around your waist, bringing you closer.

The closeness brought a question to the front of your mind and out of your mouth, "Are you sure you're okay with waiting to mate with me?"

"Yes. I am. I promise. I know it's a big deal and you want to be ready. I've waited this long. What's a little longer?"

You turned to face her without breaking any physical contact, "What if I'm never ready?"

Alex shrugged, "I don't think that'll be a problem. I'm pretty irresistible. This isn't even my final form of charm. I've got many more."

You wrapped your arms around her neck, even though you wanted to swat her on the arm playfully, "I'm being serious."

"I am too. I'm not worried about it. And you shouldn't either. Relax," Alex mumbled the last word softly, against your lips.

"Help me?" You looked up through your eyelashes at Alex, and watched in amusement as the blue in her eyes retreated in favor of something darker.

"I can get us to my place in under 20 minutes."

"Make it 15 and I'll do that thing with my tongue you like."

Alex almost choked on her words, "You've got yourself a deal."

Chapter 14: i know i can't resist it

Notes:

My bad yall I will do my best to never make yall wait that long again

"Tellin' myself it's the last time. Can you spare any mercy that you might find. If I'm down on my knees again?"-Daylight by David Kushner

"Fuck," you whispered to yourself. You flopped around in the bed a couple more times. It was about 1am for you. What you would consider past your bedtime. But no matter what you did, you couldn't fall asleep.

And you knew why. You couldn't blame it on the hotel bed. It was one of the comfiest beds you had ever been on. It wasn't the time change or jetlag. You had adjusted to that earlier in the day. It wasn't even that you had a lot on your mind or were stressed. Well, not in the traditional sense.

You were frustrated. Sexually so.

Horny.

There was no other word for it. You were fucking horny.

And its embarrassing really. Practically stewing in your own juices for no reason. For better or worse you had been like this for most parts of the day. There was no real rhyme or reason to it. You put all your energy into distracting yourself with work.

Your heat was long over. You hadn't seen anything that aroused you, unless you just discovered that endless amounts of reports and investor meetings turned you on. You didn't think that was the case.

There was a possibility you were ovulating. But what did the cause matter if there seemed not to be a fix?

Fuck, you just wanted to relax and get a peaceful night's sleep before you went back to this stupid "women in sports" summit in the morning.

Maybe texting Christen about Ryan would help. Normally you would direct all questions to Tobin but you still weren't quite warm to her at the moment.

You looked at the clock. 1:35am. You couldn't contact Christen, she needed all the sleep she could get before the baby came.

Alex.

Hmm. Now that wasn't a bad idea. She was normally pretty good about calming you down, and you didn't really feel bad about waking her up if she was asleep...

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you clicked on the call icon next to Alex's contact, she answered on the third ring.

The rasp in her voice was even more prominent as she fought off a yawn, "Why aren't you asleep?"

You just whine Alex's name. It was sort of a pavlovian response that you couldn't help. You really did call with the intention of just talking until you fell asleep. But now, after hearing her voice, you have other things in mind to do until you fall asleep.

To Alex, that whine of her name, might just be the single sexiest thing she has ever heard.

She swore your name under her breath, "Fuck, what's gotten into you?"

There's a joke in there somewhere, but you don't have the brain power to make it, "Don't know. I-um-I miss you."

Alex's laugh is bright and cuts through the fog of your brain, "I missed you too, but shouldn't you be getting some sleep? It's almost 2 am in New York."

You whine again, this time less in horniness, and more in your want for sleep, "I'm trying to go to sleep, but I can't, I'm too-uh-"

You could practically see the smirk that was ghosting the corner of Alex's mouth, "Too what? Horny?...wet?"

An embarrassed heat creeped up your cheeks. You made sure no one could see your plight in the dark expanse of the hotel room you were definitely alone in.

You nodded, not that she could see it.

"Say it, Y/N," Alex prompted, her voice low but firm. The compulsion you felt to obey, despite your ever present embarrassment was overwhelming.

"I-uh...fuck, Alex. I'm soaked."

Alex hummed, "How do you know? Are you touching yourself?"

Of course you weren't! That wasn't something you did on business trips by yourself.

"No..." but maybe you should start doing it.

"Then do it. You should be positive about how wet you are. Don't want to spread false information."

There was some shuffling on Alex's end, was she in a similar position to you? Turned on beyond belief? Was her hand inching toward her waistband like yours? Was she in just as much of a need to release as you were?

"You should do it too." You said quickly into the phone, before you lost your courage.

Your hand slipped into your panties, over your mound and between your legs. Sliding through with ease. Your breath hitched.

"Do what? Be more specific."

You should have known she wasn't going to make this easy for you. Luckily, your embarrassment washed away with the first swipe of your clit.

"You should touch your cock. There's no way you're not hard."

"As a rock, but don't worry about me baby, we're trying to get you to sleep remember?"

Alex was kind of the bane of your existence.

"Alex," you whined for the third time in like 10 minutes.

"What? You need more? Just rubbing your clit not enough?"

It wasn't enough. Your fingers slipped over and around your clit, occasionally passing between your slit. It felt fantastic but it wasn't nearly enough. You needed Alex inside of you.

"No. I need y-"

"You need something big and hard pounding into you? Yeah, I know. Guess you're going to have to use your fingers."

You had already beat her to that conclusion. The phone laid on the pillow, next to your head. One hand frantically rubbed at your clit, while the other thrusted three fingers in and out of you.

Your moans were deep and guttural. They drowned out the deep groan that came from next to your head.

You whimpered Alex's name, wishing she was there, pretending she was.

Your orgasm caught you off gaurd. The tremor starting in your core, and traveling in waves through the rest of your body. If you weren't wet before, you sure were now.

Exhaustion hit you like a freight train. You were still moderately turned on but not enough to stay awake for even 30 more seconds.

Alex laughed again, "You're welcome. Goodnight, Y/N."

You think you responded, but there was no real way of knowing. You were out like a light.

In the morning, you'll wake up refreshed. Your phone'll be harboring a good morning text, and a very explicit video you're worried will start playing whenever you open your phone that day.

---

Destiny took a deep breath, lowering herself slowly onto the couch. She had just walked into the livingroom after a 20 minute battle of putting Chloe to bed.

Ryan was passed out on your chest, her long gangly limbs covering yours. She sniffed and snored every few seconds. The sound of your voice not bothering her slumber in the slightest.

"Did she fight back?" You asked Destiny, gesturing to how out of breath she seemed to be.

Destiny looked confused for a second, "No? Why? I was in the bathroom for most of that time."

"Then why are you so out of breath? And why are you drinking water instead of wine? Destiny. Do you think I'm stupid?"

She shrugged indifferently, "Not often."

"Destiny," You whispered yell, making sure you didn't jostle Ryan awake.

You could see the emotions running across Destiny's face. She wasn't thrilled with where this conversation was going.

"Yes?"

You sighed, shifting Ryan off of you and onto the couch into a little ball. You scooted closer to Destiny, placing a soft hand on her leg, "Destiny, are you pregnant?"

You were grateful for your sleeping child, as you're sure her presence was the only thing keeping Destiny from full blown hysterics.

Instead, the woman dab at her eyes with the corner of a nearby throw pillow. Her sniffles frequent but soft.

Destiny nodded slowly, almost imperceptibly, "Yes, please don't tell Ali. She has so much on her plate and I havent been in a relationship since Chloe's dad and I-"

"Des. Slow down. You know as well as I do she already knows."

Destiny flopped backwards onto the large sectional. Ryan stretched, but stayed asleep.

"We haven't spoken in three days. What if she's avoiding me?"

You shook your head at Destiny's question, you had known Ali longer than you'd been friends with Destiny. Ali wasn't purposely avoiding Destiny. Destiny had said herself that Ali had a lot on her plate and was probably overwhelmed, especially with playoffs coming up soon.

"She isn't. She's just a little preoccupied. Have you tried reaching out to her?"

Destiny grumbled, "No..."

You chuckled at the pout that overtook her face, "That might help. Just tell her you two need to talk. Then...well, talk."

Destiny picked at her nails for a long while before speaking, "I don't want to just be fuck buddies anymore. Pregnant or not. I want a real relationship."

"I hate when you tell me things I already know. Tell Ali that! And don't ask 'what if she doesn’t want a relationship with me' because we both know that's what she wanted in the first place. This 'arrangement' was your idea."

In true Destiny fashion, she made to change the subject, "You sound like me when you were being stubborn about Alex. How's that going by the way?"

"We're fine. Now, text Ali!"

Destiny pulled out her phone with a put upon huff, "Fine. You're no fun."

"Whatever. Show me the phone."

Destiny showed you the text conversation, "I wouldn't scroll up if I was you."

"Gross. Anyway, good. You'll be better for it. She already texted back. Be the adult you know how to be."

Destiny snatched the phone away from you to look at the new message from Ali. She failed at keeping a soft smile from her lips.

"We're going to meet tomorrow."

"Good. I can watch Chloe while you two do whatever it is you two do." You shivered at the thought.

Destiny waved you off, "Thanks. I'll drop her off. Fuck, I'm going to have to tell her eventually."

"She's a good kid. She'll take it in stride. Alright, I should probably get sleepy the dwarf home before she soaks the entire couch in drool," You picked Ryan up with a grunt of effort, "You're too big for this."

You whispered your goodbyes to Destiny, and headed out the door.

---

You glanced up from your book occasionally, everytime Chloe and Ryan were suspiciously quiet.

You had taken them to a nearby park, hoping that their endless amounts of energy would deplete even a fraction. 30 minutes in, and so far it was not working. So, you called in reinforcements, you were not dealing with this on your own.

"They're fine. Ryan is trying to convince Chloe that she'll catch her if she falls off the monkey bars," Alex assured with an amused smirk.

"You can hear that from here?"

"No, I just know what it looks like when you're trying to convince a girl you like you'll protect her. At the very least if Chloe does indeed fall, Ryan won't catch her but its like a 2 feet drop. She's fine."

You raised a playful eyebrow at Alex, "And do tell, Alex Morgan. What girls do you like and who are you trying to protect?"

"Just one."

Alex didn't elaborate. There was no real need for her to. You both knew who she was talking about.

You glanced back at the pair of seven year olds with a deep sigh.

"Everything okay? Why do you have Chloe today anyway?"

"Destiny and Ali are supposed to be having a very important conversation today."

Alex's eyebrows furrowed, "About what? Is Destiny pregnant?"

"How'd you know that?!" You looked at Alex in astonishment and suspicion.

She laughed, "Context clues mostly. She hasn't been drinking lately. And Ali has been acting weirder than normal."

"Do you think they'll be okay?" It was clear that was the root of your concern. Despite your convo reassuring Destiny, you worried. You couldn't help it.

"Yes. They'll be okay. Its obvious they want each other. They'll figure it out."

You nodded. It was wild how quickly Alex was able to calm you down, get you out of your head with simple words.

"Yeah, you're right."

Alex leaned back onto the uncomfortable wood of the picnic table, "I always am."

You slapped her playfully on her stomach. She relaxed back into her previous position with a laugh. She found your hand, intertwining your fingers with hers.

Alex cleared her throat before speaking, "Do you want more kids?"

Though you weren't expecting the question, it didn’t exactly throw you off. You sat with it for a second before nodding.

"Yes. With the the right person, I do."

Alex gripped your hand tighter, "Cool."

Notes:

Yell at me on tumblr @ Raleighcarreras

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 13 of A USWNT Universe