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Setting: After the failed wedding. Bowser has just escaped his ice prison.
“So you’re the famous Mario,” Bowser growled, shaking away the final flecks of ice from his feet as he stormed down the steps. The little man in red glared up at him, pushing his nervous brother behind him. The king towered over them, his ruby gaze glinting over the brothers.
“You… have the same enchanting sapphire eyes as your brother. To think a puny human like you would dare to challenge the great King of the Koopas!” Bowser laughed deeply, leaning down to grin at the mustached pair. “Perhaps I should be courting you - Mario.”
“HEY!” The prince of the kongs burst forward, shoving smaller koopas out of his path. “If Mario is going to date any guy, it’s going to be me. I have dibbs. He was in my kingdom first,” the kong snapped.
“He’s on my ship now, so that makes him fair game,” Bowser stated, turning his intense gaze on the young kong prince.
“Technically,” interrupted the princess, brushing off her dress as she made her way closer. “Mario visited the Mushroom Kingdom first. By royal law, I have the right to date him first, if I so desire.”
The plumber brothers exchanged confused looks. “What’s going on?” Mario whispered back to Luigi. The green-clad man shook his head, equally uncertain.
“That is the accepted law for all the kingdoms,” agreed King Cranky, stroking his beard.
“Fine, then Peach gets to date Mario first. And then I get to take him on an awesome date that will prove that the kongs are better, and he should marry me,” huffed Donkey Kong.
“Well then, maybe I’ll just marry his brother! Greenie is clearly the cuter twin,” snapped Bowser. The kong and koopa glared at one another, refusing to back down.
“Wait… don’t we get a say in this?” Mario argued, finally getting a word in. “I just wanted to rescue my brother, and suddenly you’re all fighting over who gets to date us first. And what gives, DK?” The red twin turned his attention to his kong companion. “You’ve been mad at me since we first met, and now you want to date me?”
The kong stepped back, rubbing his head as he let out an awkward chuckle. “Okay, so I was a bit upset that a shortie like you could get the best of me in the Ring of Kong. But you’re also, like, really cute - for a human. And you saved my life. So, yeah, if you’re interested, I’ll take you on the best date ever,” boasted DK.
“After Mario and I have our date,” Princess Peach reminded him. She turned her dazzling eyes on the shorter man. “If you’re willing, that is. I wouldn’t wish to presume.”
“Mama mia…”
“Go for it, Mario. They seem nice,” Luigi whispered, patting his brother on the shoulder.
“I… uh, okay…. I’ll go on a date… with both of you,” Mario stuttered, his cheeks burning as bright as his cap.
Bowser huffed loudly, drawing their attention. “That means Greenie is mine. You had your chance to date a real king, Mario. A pity you have to settle for less.” He ignored the mushroom princess and kong prince who now glaring daggers at him.
“There is no way I’m letting my sweet little brother date a jerk like you!” Mario snapped, keeping the younger twin behind him as he glared up at the koopa king.
“I’m only younger than you by two minutes,” the green twin mumbled. “I should have a right to decide who to date.”
“Luigi, you can’t be serious!” Mario’s head whipped around. “He’s evil!”
“Luigi… yes, I can see it now,” Bowser murmured. “Luigi, Queen of the Koopas! I shall have the koopa tailors create the finest green wedding dress for you. You’ll be my beautiful blushing human bride!” the king announced, laughing aloud.
“We haven’t even been on a date yet!” Luigi cried out, huddling behind his brother again.
“Alright then. We’ll go on a fabulous date, and then we’ll be married! Kamek, get my clown car!” Bowser ordered, before returning his crimson gaze to the human twins. He extended a clawed hand. “Well, Luigi? I’ll even promise not to attack the mushroom kingdom during our courtship.”
“Can you even hear yourself?” Mario asked. He was so distracted that he didn’t even notice his normally timid brother stepping out from behind him.
The green-clothed twin took a deep breath, and extended his hand. “Bowser, I will only agree to go on a date with you if you promise not to attack any more kingdoms. And we will only get married if we both agree to it, after we’ve had many dates. I can’t marry a man I just met. I need a chance to get to know you.”
“Luigi…” Mario set a hand on his brother’s shoulder.
“It’s fine, Mario. If going on a date with Bowser will help bring peace to the world, then I’ll do it,” said Luigi, giving his brother a gentle smile.
“Oh, Luigi. That is so noble of you,” said the princess, pressing a hand to her heart. DK nodded his agreement.
“Shucks, it’s-a nothing. I like to be helpful,” said Luigi, blushing at their attention.
Bowser took Luigi’s hand, holding it gently. “I agree to your terms. Junior and the kids are going to be so happy to have a new mother!”
“You have kids?” Luigi asked.
“Yep. Junior is my heir, but I also adopted 7 other kids. They’re going to love you,” Bowser insisted.
“Mama mia,” Luigi sighed, already feeling weak at the knees as he let the king tug him toward the waiting car that really did have a clown’s face.
“You’d better have my brother back home by midnight!” Mario shouted.
“Relax, Red. Greenie’s gonna be my new bride. No one would dare harm the future queen of the koopas!” Bowser boasted.
“We haven’t agreed to marriage yet,” Luigi yelped, clinging to Bowser’s arm as the car began to float into the sky. “I’ll be back soon, Mario!”
“This is not going to end well,” Mario groaned.