Chapter Text
‘We make our own happy endings.’
As he steps into his brand new apartment, he is reminded of that little comment his grandmother once made in passing.
Mingyu is making his happy ending. Even though he owns nothing but a suitcase of clothes and the money in his bank account, he feels successful because for the first time in a very long time, he has hope.
He will start his new job in less than a week and once he gets paid he can do what he wants with this apartment, turn it into a home. He has his own space, where he is free. Where he is safe.
But most importantly, he is home. He is back in his old town with all of the streets he used to run through, with all of the parks he used to play in, with the cinema he spent his winters in. He is minutes away from his mother and his childhood friends. He can reconnect with them and hang out with them, apologise, he can be the person he once was.
It’s scary to have so much hope but he needs this to turn out well.
After looking through the empty apartment, Mingyu sets his backpack down on the kitchen counter and leaves. He locks the front door behind him, slips his key into his pocket and walks the short distance to his mother’s house.
There is no need for a map, he’s sure of the way.
When he turns the corner onto their street, he’s nervous. He didn’t tell her he was coming- he couldn’t tell anyone. Even though she calls at least every other month, it’s been so long since they last saw each other. Will she be able to see it on him, everything he’s been through? Will she be upset about all the things he’s missed?
“Mingyu?” He hadn’t even realised the door’s open. His mum beams up at him. “Mingyu!” She wraps her arm around him, laughing. “Baby it’s been so long.”
She still smells the same, lavender with a hint of jasmine. “Eomma.” He mirrors her smile, breathing in her scent.
She steps back, still laughing with pleasure, and looks him up and down. “You’re tiny.”
He’s not sure what he was expecting her to say but it wasn’t that.
”I’m a head taller than you.” He takes her back into his arms.
“But you’re stick thin. What are they feeding you in that city? I feel your bones. Come in, come in.” She pulls him inside the house and kicks off her slippers. He toes off his shoes.
He follows her to the kitchen, feeling like a guest, even though he grew up within these four walls. He sits stiffly at the dining table as she moves around the kitchen preparing him food. He’s happy to be sat here, to see her but he’s uncomfortable too.
It was on this very table that he learned to write, yet he feels so alien seated here. He knows every centimetre of this house so well, yet it feels like infinities have passed since the last time he was here. He’s a different person now, the only things connecting him to the person he used to be are his memories.
She doesn’t know what to say to him. He doesn’t know what to say to her. The silence cuts into his veins.
They need to talk about this.
He’s been gone for five years. She had heart surgery two years ago. He didn’t come to see her. His grandmother died two months ago. He didn’t come to the funeral.
He had his reasons of course, but it’s too much for him to get into all of that right now.
”I’m sorry.” Mingyu wants to say more but his throat seals up.
“Well you’re here now, hmm.” She places a hand on his cheek. “It’s okay.”
”I wanted to come. But everything was so-“
”Shhh. I forgive you, Mingyu. I’m just happy you’re here.” She hugs him again and he lets her familiar scent calm him down. “Now let me get you something to eat.”
He can tell she’s trying to calm him but it only makes him feel more on edge. There’s no way she could possibly be okay with this. He needs to know how she really feels so can make things right. He needs to make things right.
She microwaves a few side dishes for him, while telling him about the things he’s missed. She focuses on the happy things like Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s wedding last year. She completely talks his ear off but he doesn’t mind; her joy is contagious.
“If you’d told me you were coming, I would have made more but this is all I have for now.”
The dining table is completely covered in side dishes by the time she finally puts a steaming plate of rice down in front of him.
“This is more than enough, thank you.” He hasn’t had a good meal like this in months. The very first mouthful sends him straight back to his childhood. It reminds him of scraped knees and birthday celebrations, late nights up studying and being tucked into bed. It warms his soul.
“Wonwoo will be coming round soon. You’d like to see him, wouldn’t you?” She asks, placing another piece of fish in his bowl.
Wonwoo?
“Wonwoo? He’s back?” He nearly chokes on a piece of egg. “When… when did that happen?”
“About three years ago. I didn’t tell you?” He shakes his head. “Oh I’m sorry baby. I don’t know how I could have forgotten that.”
”It’s okay.” He lies. He tries to keep his voice steady but every nerve in his body is screaming at him to leave. He’s not ready to see him, or rather, he doesn’t want to see him and find that he still hates him. “Does he come here a lot?”
“Not really. He’s coming to fix the garden sprinklers for me. They’re not broken but he wanted to install an update for me.” She laughs it off as if it’s nothing but Mingyu knows she knows it’s not nothing.
After everything that happened between the two of them, this means everything. The food in his mouth turns sour but he swallows it anyway. Wonwoo leaving was the beginning of the end for him, the start of what he will always remember as the worst period of his life. Even though he’s young, he doubts he will ever suffer more than he has these past few years. One of the many things that troubled him was how he left things with Wonwoo. But now he’s hearing he came back, and no one thought to tell him.
Something bitter grows within him. He wishes his mother was angry with him. He could handle it if she screamed at him, if she raged at him for all the mistakes he’s made. Her mother died last month and he missed the funeral. She begged him to come and he listened to her tears, yet still didn’t show up. He made sure to collect his inheritance money though. She has to be angry with him. He needs her to lash out at him. It’s what he’s used to, all he knows. But this? Sweeping it under the rug, dancing on eggshells? He doesn’t know how to handle it.
Why won’t you ask me where I’ve been, why I haven’t come home?
Surely she has to be curious. Deep down inside she must be itching to ask him a million different things. But she’s hiding it. It makes him anxious. He doesn’t know what to expect.
She’s gonna get tired of pretending and she’s gonna snap what will she do when she snaps what will she do when she snaps
He feels guilty for being scared of her- this is a woman who never once struck him even in an environment where that’s the default method of discipline- but he can’t help it. His survival instincts have been working overtime for so long he’s forgotten how to rest.
“Do you want me to make you something else?”
“No thank you. The food’s great.” He hesitates, unsure whether to say what’s on his mind. He doesn’t want to upset her but he needs to understand. “I’m just wondering why you haven’t asked me any questions.”
“Is there something you want me to ask?” He can’t decipher her expression.
“I’ve been gone for years and I just showed up here unannounced yet you’re feeding me like this is normal. You could ask me what I’m doing here.” He says with his eyes fixed on his bowl.
“Ok.” She sets down her chopsticks. “What are you doing here, Mingyu?”
It feels like she’s teasing him.
“I’m moving here. I bought an apartment by the park.”
“Are you serious?” She asks, her face and tone serious. “Don’t play with me Mingyu.”
”I’m serious. I got the keys this morning.” She’s deathly silent and Mingyu can’t tell if she’s about to cry or celebrate.
“Mingyu!” She shrieks. She makes a sound somewhere between a squeal and a laugh, getting up to give him a hug. “Are you serious? That’s great news. I was nervous to ask because I didn’t want to ruin the moment. This is amazing.” Her voice wavers on the last statement.
“Yeah, well, I wanted to be closer to you and Seungcheol hyung and everybody else. I’ve not talked to them yet but I will soon.” He can hear the hope in his own voice.
“They’ll be so happy.” She finally lets go of him, going back to her seat. “You should have told us earlier.”
‘I couldn’t.’
“I know. I’m sorry. But I’m gonna call everyone this evening and maybe if they want to, we can meet up.”
“Trust me, they’ll want to.” She can’t seem to shake the smile from her face. “They’ve all been vocal about how much they miss you, especially Seungcheol and Minghao. Whenever we have any sort of gathering, one of them always sighs that they wish you were here.”
The fact that she doesn’t mention Wonwoo, hurts him a bit more than he’ll ever admit. Clearly his hyung didn’t miss him as much as he missed him.
But he also can’t believe the rest of them miss him enough to still be mentioning him now after all this time.
The doorbell rings and she shoots up straight away to go answer it. “That’ll be Wonwoo.”
Mingyu’s mouth goes dry. He’s nervous and excited at the same time. He doesn’t want to see him but he also needs to.
“Hi Eomma.” His voice lights a fire in Mingyu’s stomach. It’s so much deeper than what he remembers. The hairs on the back of his thighs stand on edge.
“You’ll never guess who’s here.”
His heart is in his throat.
Wonwoo enters the dining room and Mingyu gets to see the very second he recognises him. He drops his toolbox as his smile vanishes, leaving his face a blizzard of unreadable emotions. His mouth pops open, showing his surprise, but his eyes… his eyes show that whatever he’s feeling is deeper than that. His eyes are excited and afraid, happy and betrayed, everything and nothing all at once. Yet somehow, that makes him happy. It’s better than seeing nothing but hatred.
His shoulders are bigger- that’s the next thing he notices. They’ve always been broad but back then he was more bony. Now, he’s more filled out, slightly muscular.
His hair’s been dyed dark brown. It’s not a massive change but it’s noticeable when Mingyu’s only ever seen him with it black.
He’s grown up, lost the last of his baby fat. Mingyu looks at him and sees a man. The past six years have been good to him. He has grown into his manhood with confidence and grace. It makes him suffocatingly self aware of his own changes. He notices the way Wonwoo’s eyes run up and down his body, study his face, and he can’t help but wonder what exactly he’s seeing. Does he see his lanky frame, his thinning hair and horrible skin.
He is intimidated under the weight of Wonwoo’s gaze. This is the boy who knew him from birth until that cursed day six summers ago. He’s always been able to read his heart with just one look. Mingyu might be paranoid for thinking that’s still case, yet he can’t help but worry that Wonwoo can see all that has happened to him.
Mingyu knows what he is. And when Wonwoo looks at him like this he fears he sees the real him, the mixture of broken parts rearranged to create the perfect imitation of a man.
Mingyu looks into the eyes of the very first person to break his heart and he doesn’t know what to say. All he can think of are the last words they ever said to one another.
“You’re so unbelievably selfish. I never would have done this to y-“
”Get out! Just get out. I don’t ever want to see you again!”
”l’ll wait for you.”
The immature part of him wants to pick up right where they left off, scream at him until his lungs give out. But the part of his heart that’s spent years missing this man wants to do nothing more but hug him, feel his warmth. It confuses him, makes his stomach churn, to be so conflicted like this.
The weight of their silence presses down on his chest.
He glances at his mother and finds her face pinched in confusion. Maybe she actually didn’t know the way everything went down. But that’s impossible. She had to have guessed at least. Mingyu was inconsolable for days and by the time he had enough strength to leave his room, Wonwoo was gone. Even if no one had told her exactly what happened, she should have been able to make an educated guess.
Wonwoo swallows, his adams apple bobs up and down. He must not know what to say either.
Just when the silence starts to get unbearable, Wonwoo clears his throat. His face splits into a barely there smile, “How have you been Mingyu-ah?” His voice reminds him of slow prom dances and summer nights.
And doesn’t that just make him want to cry.
It’s a simple question but he doesn’t know how to answer. He’s never been able to lie to him so he shrugs. “I’ve been better. How about you?”
”Good. I’m good.” His smile grows. “It’s nice to see you.”
“Nice to see you too. Eomma tells me you’re here to fix her sprinklers.” If you’d told him six years ago that he’d one day make small talk with his beloved Wonwoo hyung, he wouldn’t have believed you.
“Yeah,” Wonwoo chuckles awkwardly. “I fix things now. I’m kind of like a handyman.”
So that business degree was worthless.
It’s almost laughable.
”That’s good.” He hopes his smile is fake enough to show how bitter he feels inside. He wants Wonwoo to read him like a book and see how he’s hurt him. “I’m happy for you. Anyway, I should probably go now. I’ve got a lot to do today.”
”Already?” He mother asks, audibly disappointed. “You haven’t even told him the good news.” She leaves no pause for Mingyu to reply. “Guess what dear? Mingyu’s moving here.” Again she leaves no pause for anyone to reply. “Isn’t that great.”
Mingyu can’t tell what Wonwoo is thinking when he replies, “that’s awesome. So I’ll be seeing you around?” His eyes almost look hopeful.
”I guess so.” He shrugs.
”Let me package you up some food before you go.”
“I’ll go get started on the sprinklers. It was nice to see you, Mingyu.”
”Likewise.”
Wonwoo picks up his box then slips out of the sliding doors and into the garden. He can’t stop himself from staring at the motions of his back as he gets to work until his Eomma hands him a bag, distracting him from his drooling.
“Be safe, baby. Call me if you need me.”
“Thank you, I’ll see you soon. Love you.”
”I love you too.” She reaches up to give him a kiss on the cheek.
The cold air bites at his cheeks as he starts heading in the direction of the nearest supermarket. He has enough money in the bank to buy a mattress and a few other essentials but he’s already exhausted. He decides he’ll leave the real shopping for tomorrow, opting to just grab a few things for the night instead.
He buys a duvet, a few blankets, a nice towel that was on sale, and enough snacks to get him through to the next morning, all the while trying not to think of his hyung’s shoulders and honey-deep voice.
He can’t believe how awkward that reunion was.
They spent their nights and days, and summers and winters, and good times and bad times together for 17 years. They were together for longer than they’ve been apart yet the two of them were so emotionally vacant today. Mingyu wishes he could say it was just Wonwoo who was blank, unreadable even, but he knows he was probably the exact same.
He was far more composed than he thought he would be and he kind of regrets it now. He wishes he’d jumped into his arms or broken down into tears, whispering the apology he’s been nurturing all these years. Maybe then they could have cleared the air between them and Mingyu would be comforted by the knowledge that Wonwoo didn’t mean those things he said. If Mingyu had let his emotions take control and let his lips move of their own accord, maybe he would know exactly what Wonwoo saw when he looked at him like that.
But he did none of those things. He simply stood and looked into the eyes of the first person to ever break his heart, searching and begging for a glimpse of anything.
As he prepares to sleep, spreading out the duvet and blankets on the ground, Mingyu remembers some of his fondest memories. Falling ant the park and breaking his arm, trying not to cry as Wonwoo carried him home. All the sleepovers he had with Seokmin and Minghao. He remembers the time Seungcheol tried to teach him how to drive and how Jeonghan, forever a drama queen, had screamed when he accidentally ran a red light.
Even though he wasn’t always happy, he really did have a perfect childhood.
It’s almost scary to think about how everything went wrong enough for him to end up here. It’s crazy to think about what he was going through less than 24 hours ago. It’s even crazier to think about everything he actually did today, all simple things individually but together they created the most stressful day of his life. Leaving for ‘work’, getting in a taxi, visiting his mum, going shopping. He can’t believe he’s here, so many things had to fall into place for his plan to succeed but it went so fluidly it seems easy. He wishes he’d had the guts to do this earlier. But he’s determined not to spiral tonight so he bookmarks that train of thought for later.
So he settles into ‘bed’ in nothing but his boxers and tries to fall asleep. It’s only 7pm but he’s exhausted and it’s not lost on him that this is the first time in years he has enough freedom to decide something as trivial as when to go to bed. The coming weeks will bring him many firsts and he’ll embrace them with open arms.
When Mingyu’s eyes finally close, he dreams of Wonwoo’s senior prom.
Wonwoo didn’t pick him up in a horse and carriage, despite Mingyu’s direct requests. Instead the older arrived in his stinky silver car and tried to pick him up without taking any photos first. But Ms Kim insisted and so the two of them, both in black suits, stood and smiled for a million pictures whilst she gushed on and on about how handsome they both looked.
”The fact that you of all people don’t trust my driving is really hurtful hyung.” Mingyu pouted, getting into the passenger seat.
”I trust your driving.” Wonwoo started the engine. “It’s you I don’t trust.” He laughed, sparing a quick glance at his boyfriend.
“Wonwoo.” Mingyu whined, dragging out the last part. “That’s even worse. If you weren’t driving, I’d punch you.”
Wonwoo started driving towards the prom venue, which was in the centre of town.
”Really? There’s a lot of other things we could be doing if I wasn’t driving. Especially when you look as good as you do right now.” He looked at Mingyu, a faint smile playing on his lips, but his blushing boyfriend refused to meet his gaze.
“Eyes on the road hyung.”
Wonwoo laughed again. “You really do look great though.”
”I know. I think Eomma kind of made a point of letting me know that.” Mingyu looked down at his hands, suddenly shy. “You look great too. You’re handsome Wonwoo.” He sensed Wonwoo trying to meet his eyes again. “Keep your eyes on the road! At this point your driving is more less safe than mine.”
”More less safe?” Wonwoo asked mockingly. “Maybe instead of always buying you food I should get you some textbooks.”
“Shut up.” Mingyu laughed, “it’s because you’re making me nervous.”
”You’re like this all the time though.”
”Shut up!”
The prom committee did their best to decorate the town hall and Mingyu had to admit they did a pretty good job. Everything fit the theme of New York City. There were photo booths and big street signs. The food was great too. Pizza and Nachos and Hot dogs all with an abundance of unhealthy toppings.
But the DJ was the one who really made the prom special in Mingyu’s opinion. The music was perfect He jumped around with Soonyoung, Jihoon, Jun and Wonwoo. Despite the fact that he was in the grade below almost everyone there, it was hard to feel out of place when he was so surrounded by love.
They jumped around and did stupid moves to artists like Beyoncé and Usher. Soonyoung was the only one out of the five of them that could actually dance so while he pretty much stayed in the centre of the dance floor, the rest of them huddled in the corner and did their own thing.
But when the slow songs started, Jihoon and Jun went to go get food and take more pictures, refusing to dance together, so it was just Mingyu and Wonwoo left.
They melted into each other naturally. Mingyu pressed his body flat against his boyfriend’s and leaned his head on his shoulder, one hand on his waist and the other on his shoulder. Wonwoo leaned his head against his, both hands resting on his waist. It was more like they were hugging as they side stepped across the floor. There were other couples dancing too but it truly felt like it was just them in their own world. No one else existed, just Mingyu and Wonwoo.
Mingyu inhaled his hyung’s scent and imagined having a first dance with him, how it would feel to call Wonwoo his husband. As they swayed to the rhythm, Mingyu thought, not for the first time, about what their family would be like. They’d probably adopt as it’s the easiest option but they’d love the children as theirs regardless. They’d take them all around town, telling them stories about their youth. Their kids would get to make their own memories here too. Mingyu couldn’t imagine them moving anywhere else, they had everything they needed right there in that town, surrounded by friends and family and love.
A wedding. A family. A life together. They could have everything if they could just make it through the next few years.
Wownoo would be going to a university in the city and Mingyu couldn’t say he wasn’t sad about it. Even though it wasn’t too far and they could probably make time to see each other at least every month, Mingyu was still saddened by the distance. No more walking down a few roads at random times ‘just because’. No more sleepovers and less dates. It was scary for him to think about.
”I’m gonna miss you.” He whispered, rubbing his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.
“The time will fly by.”
”I know and it’s not like you’ll be that far.” He said, expecting more reassurance but Wonwoo didn’t reply.
Perhaps the music was too loud.
So Mingyu allowed himself to become immersed in the moment again, inhaling his boyfriend’s scent and drowning in his presence.