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Yes, Keith fears. He fears a lot of things. After being faced with the many adversities of life, how could he not fear? All his life, he has lost things. He has lost his mother. He has lost his father. He has lost his brother. He has lost his place. When everything seems to be taken away from him, how could Keith not fear what would be taken away next?
This is why, when Keith first meets Lance, he denies everything he feels. The instant attraction to Lance scares Keith. They sit next to each other in their general classes and Keith cannot help but sneak secret glances at him in the middle of class. Eventually, Keith musters up the courage to talk to Lance. He asks him the answer to one of the questions on the board, pleased with himself. On the other hand, Lance is not too pleased with Keith. Lance scoffs at Keith and tells him to figure it out yourself . Bewildered, Keith cannot help the reaction which comes out of him next. Fine asshole , says Keith.
And so ensues animosity between the two.
Lance and Keith, neck-and-neck. Lance and Keith, rivals. Lance and Keith. Being in such close proximity with Lance had Keith’s head spinning. Sure, there was anger and annoyance towards Lance, but there was also fondness and attraction. Lance became such a constant in Keith’s life that outside of their general classes, Keith would miss butting heads with Lance. Sure, being in the fighter pilot class was great, but being with Lance was something else.
Wow , Keith thinks to himself, I need to temper my heart. The fear of something so new and uncertain was too great for him to consider the possibility that something deeper was stirring within his heart.
Things unexpectedly work out for Keith with this problem, in the most convoluted way possible. Shiro disappears into space—once a hero, now branded as the Garrison’s greatest failure. It leaves a bad aftertaste in Keith’s mouth, and it sucker-punches his heart. All the fear he had ever had suddenly rushes to the front of his mind and he finds himself so full of anger and disbelief. So when an officer bad-mouths Shiro in front of Keith, let us just say his fists end up working faster than his brain. And, thus, Keith is kicked out of the Garrison and he has no time to think about Lance and whatever could come out of that.
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Things eventually turn out messed up once again. All Keith wants is to figure out the mystery behind the blue lion he keeps finding traces of, so when a ship crashlands onto earth with Shiro, it sure becomes a piece of work. It does not help that Lance shows up out of nowhere as well to save Shiro. There is a small twinge in the back of Keith’s heart when he sees Lance once more, but the fear of it makes him brush off Lance. Great , Keith groans internally, now he thinks I am some asshole who does not remember him despite all the time we spent together. Lance seems exasperated with Keith’s response but there is no time to waste—the distraction Keith set up can only last so long and the Garrison was on their tail.
Things work out though—they escape the people chasing them from Garrison and are able to bring Shiro somewhere safe. Even more so, with the help of Hunk and Pidge, Keith was able to unlock more information about this elusive blue lion.
And, maybe, things work out too well . One moment they find the blue lion, the next moment they learn about Voltron, and the next moment they are in outer space. Not only in outer space, but in outer space in a lion-shaped alien ship, being chased by a different set of aliens. Things were just happening so fast, Keith could barely wrap his head around what was happening.
They soon find themselves on a planet further from earth than what they could possibly imagine. In front of them, a marvelous castle. Inside of them, confusion. Keith’s anxiety and fear was going off the charts at this point but he needed to keep a strong face on. Lance was there, and he needed to be the tough guy he made himself out to be.
When Lance ends up cradling a beautiful and enchanting princess in his arms, though, Keith cannot help but feel the ugly green-eyed monster of jealousy creep into the back of his consciousness. Things were starting to become a bit overwhelming and all Keith could do was swallow down the ugly emotions he was feeling.
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This fear does not fade, however. In fact, it gets worse. It gets worse and Keith cannot help but go into survival mode. He shuts down and shuts away all his emotions and does everything he can to appease his anxious heart that races. Keith has always been good at this. He has survived everything so far, and he will do so now. Now, he was a Defender of the Universe . Now, he had the weight of the known world on his shoulders. Least to say it was something that made Keith’s heart race.
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Things are uneasy with the rest of the team, at first. But, eventually, the tension eases and they learn to grow together—in fact they even learn to trust each other enough to form Voltron. What does not ease up, however, was Keith’s feelings towards Lance. Once again, the proximity towards Lance makes Keith’s head spin. They train together. They eat together. They banter together. Their rivalry comes back in full swing.
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Somewhere in the middle of this rivalry, however, something starts to change. It is subtle, it is nuanced, and it is tender. Somewhere in between, they end up close. Closer than Keith could ever imagine they could be.
And when, in the middle of their training, Lance topples onto Keith, the tension between the two rises to an all time high. They stare at each other for what seems like forever—silence filling the room, but all the words unsaid in their eyes. Lance breaks the stillness first. He brushes Keith’s disheveled hair away from his face, cradles it, and says in the smallest voice ever, I want to kiss you, so much so my heart aches. Keith feels the breath leaving his lungs. The words barely come out of his mouth as he says, me too, beyond what you can even comprehend . Their lips connect for a small kiss.
The moment is tender. The moment is pleasant. The moment is everything. It is everything Keith could ever ask for.
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Things between them shift from that point onwards. Things seem to be perfect. Sure, they still bicker with each other. Sure, they still compete with each other. But, above all, they were deeply enamored with each other.
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Sometimes, though, Keith lies awake in the middle of the night. Anxiety fills his heart, in the late hours of the night, about whether he can love Lance in a manner which does him justice. Keith is afraid that he can never be enough. He keeps this to himself, though. The pit in his stomach does not go away—in fact it worsens with every passing day. Eventually, he finds that it affects his behavior. Sleep eludes him, he becomes sluggish, and it eventually becomes too hard to hide from others.
He does not open up, though. The others try to reach out. Lance tries to reach out. But, Keith shuts down. He shuts down and he shuts others out. He locks himself in his room and only comes out when necessary. He does not speak to the others. He does not even look them in the eye.
It strains his relationship with the others, but most importantly it strains his relationship with Lance. At that point, they had not talked to each other in weeks. This was no fault of Lance. He constantly tried to be with Keith and tried to talk with Keith. It was repetitive. It was straining. It was heartbreaking.
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But Lance did not give up on Keith.
One night, as Keith stared at the ceiling consumed with dark thoughts, he hears his door open. He bolts up in shock. Did an intruder come? How did they infiltrate the ship? He grabs his blade, ready to fight back.
To his surprise, however, he hears Lance’s voice. He hears Lance say, Keith , in the most vulnerable tone. Keith, against all the fear that consumed him, turns in the direction of Lance’s voice. Lance stares at Keith, grief so blatantly filling his eyes. He can tell Lance is close to tears. Suddenly, his instincts kick in and he races to hold Lance.
He brings Lance into his arms, and Lance breaks into tears. At that point, Keith the walls of Keith’s heart crumble down and he too cries. They stay like that for a while, nothing but the sound of sobbing engulfing the room. Eventually, though, Lance pulls away. Please , Lance rasps, do not lock me out anymore. All the apprehension Keith feels fades away. He, instead, feels ashamed. I am sorry, Lance, I am so sorry , Keith sincerely says to Lance. Keith then continues, I was just so afraid of hurting you, but ultimately I did anyway.
Lance lets out a bitter laugh. You stupid head. But, despite the hurt in his voice, Lance hugs Keith closer. You are so dumb , Lance tells Keith, but I still love you . Keith freezes at those words. He never imagined that Lance would say the l word , much less say it first.
Keith’s resolve crumbles and he finally lets Lance in. I love you, I am so sorry for everything, and I am ashamed of my behavior, but I love you so deeply and dearly. Keith takes a deep breath and continues, I know I hurt you in ways I can only imagine, but please know that I never meant to. Keith’s voice trembles as he finishes his confession. I do not deserve your love, but, if you give me another chance I would like to explain everything and do whatever I can to soothe your aching heart and make up for my mistakes. I know I cannot make you forget the hurt, but I hope to bring you happiness from this moment onwards.
Lance cups Keith’s face with his hands and then laughs. Keith feels fear once more, but is then surprised when Lance kisses him. He stills for a moment, but then kisses Lance back. You idiot , Lance says as he breaks away, I better be pampered like a princess from now on.
Keith cannot help but pick up Lance and twirl him around. This is the start of the princess treatment , Keith jokes. He looks Lance in the eyes, however, and with all seriousness says, can I share and explain my side? I know it does not take away the pain, but you deserve to know everything.
And so, that night, Keith tells Lance everything about himself. He tells Lance his fears. He tells Lance his desires. He tells Lance his dreams. And, Lance listens. Lance listens and listens and listens. He is so understanding, in a way Keith does not deserve. Keith immediately pushes that thought away, though. He knows better now. He knows that, despite everything he feels, what matters is that he loves Lance and that Lance loves him.
Their love transcends everything he feels.
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Love, he realizes, is a choice. It is something which he needs to strive for everyday. It was something that he could no longer deny. There are fears, sure, but at the end of the day he knows that he will come back to the love of his life. He knows he will come back to Lance. He knows he will come home .
Yes, Keith fears. He fears a lot of things. Yet, he loves. He decides to love Lance, truly and deeply and wholeheartedly and entirely.