Chapter Text
“I think I’ve figured out what I want for Christmas.”
It took Pico a second to register that Bee was talking to him. He had been spacey all day, something he blamed on the colder weather and definitely not what time of year it was. He tore his eyes away from watching the snowfall through the window to glance over at Bee.
“Who said I was buying you anything?”
“You don’t gotta, it doesn’t cost money,” Bee replied as he walked back into the living room, bowl of shitty, microwavable popcorn in hand. “Can I ask a few questions first before I tell you what it is?”
Pico shrugged. “Knock yourself out.”
Bee shoved a fistful of popcorn into his mouth as he plopped back down on the couch. “Question one: did you do your piercings yourself?”
“You’re gonna choke if you keep talking with your mouth full.” Pico idly fiddled with his plugs, humming in thought. “My ears I did myself, yeah. I didn’t do my tongue piercing, though.”
“Who did it?”
“Some drunk guy. I don’t remember super clearly, I was wasted.”
“Sounds dangerous.”
Pico shrugged again. “It worked out, it’s been four years and I haven’t had any issues with it.”
“Fair, fair. Second question: how badly did your ears hurt when you did them?”
Pico chuckled to himself as he readjusted the way he was sitting on the couch. “I’m not the person to ask. First of all, my pain tolerance is crazy high. Second of all, I did it while I was stoned, I could barely feel my body overall.”
“Last question: what was the healing process like?”
Suddenly, the pieces clicked together in Pico’s brain and he squinted at Bee. “Are you asking me to pierce your ears?”
“Mayyyybeeee,” Bee giggled, setting his popcorn bowl on the table. “I’ve been thinking about it for ages. I was always just too much of a pussy to ever get it done.”
“I don’t think I have any studs lying around, dude, my ears have been stretched for years.”
“Way ahead of ya!” Bee hopped up from the couch, nearly sprinting to the kitchen while Pico looked on in confusion. He grabbed a plastic shopping bag from the counter and walked back over, handing it to Pico. “I might’ve bought some supplies just in case you said yes.”
“You’re insane.” Pico dumped the contents of the bag out on the table. Inside, there was a cheap set of hoop earrings and a sewing kit. Pico looked back up to Bee with an eyebrow raised.
“They don’t sell piercing needles at Target,” Bee explained, sitting back down on the couch. “Soooo… will you do it?”
“Sure, it could be funny.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!”
“It means I think you’re a bitch to pain,” Pico replied with a chuckle.
“You said it didn’t hurt!”
“I never said that. I said it didn’t hurt for me because I was high as fuck.”
Bee tensed, an aura of fear surrounding him. Normally, Pico would poke fun at the normally too fearless for his own good Bee, but instead, his chest hurt seeing the rising panic in him.
He put a reassuring hand on Bee’s shoulder. “Hey, relax, it ain’t that bad, I promise. Maybe like an hour of throbbing, max. I have ice too, I can numb it a little beforehand.”
“AN HOUR?!”
“That’s NOT the part to focus on!”
~~~~~
After an hour and a half of back and forth of Pico reassuring Bee that he didn’t have to pierce his ears and Bee insisting that he’s “not a bitch” and “can handle a little pain”, here they were, with Bee sitting on a chair in the kitchen and pinching ice cubes to his earlobe while Pico ran the sewing needle over the open flame on his burner.
“What’re you doing…?” Bee cautiously asked.
“Sterilizing the needle.”
“Is it gonna burn me?”
Pico turned the oven off and wiped the soot off of the needle with a paper towel. “Nah, it’ll cool down long before it hits your ears.”
He went to stand in front of Bee, gesturing for him to remove his hand from his ear. He did so, radiating panic as Pico dropped the ice cubes into the sink and stood in position. He barely even got his hand on Bee’s ear before the younger man shouted.
“Wait! Wait, uh…fuck, I’m scared.”
“You’ll be fine, it’s nothing.”
Bee fidgeted in his seat. “Can… Can I hold your hand or something?”
Pico swallowed the weird, sudden lump in his throat. What was that about? “I kinda need both of my hands for this, man.”
“Can I hold onto your shirt then?”
“Go for it.”
Bee gripped two fistfuls of Pico’s tank, nodding. “Okay.”
“Ready?”
“Just fucking do it already!”
You didn’t have to tell Pico twice. He shoved the needle through as quickly as he could, reacting to Bee’s involuntary jump.
“FUCK! Jesus fucking Christ holy shit!” Bee cursed as he went to touch his ear, flinching in pain at the slightest contact.
Pico left the needle in and he retrieved the hoop. “Take a deep breath, this is gonna be the worst part.”
“The fuck you mean by that?!”
“We’re using a sewing needle for a fourteen gauge piercing, the hole has to stretch a little.”
“This is hell .”
“I can take the needle out and stop here, let it close.”
Bee waved him off, grabbing Pico’s shirt again. “No, fuck it, it’s already there, just… fucking do it.”
Pico shrugged and got into position, slowly pushing the hoop through the hole. Other than a few hissed curses from Bee, he stayed relatively quiet and still as the piercing was finally shoved through. Pico turned the open side down and stepped back to observe his work.
“How’s it look?” Bee asked.
Pico gave him a grin. “Badass.”
Bee breathed a sigh of relief and slumped back into the chair. “That hurt way more than I thought it would, holy fucking shit.”
“Well,” Pico started, cleaning off the needle with an alcohol-soaked paper towel. “Ready for round two?”
Bee paled .
~~~~~
“Pass me my drink, please.”
“Fuck you, I ain’t letting you distract me this time.”
Bee laughed quietly in response and settled back into the couch. He didn’t even need a distraction, sniping Pico’s character from across the map. After the pain in his ears subsided, the two decided to relax with some Halo. It was going well, until…
Pico growled quietly to himself. He was going to win this match if it fucking killed him. It was the closest they had ever been, with Pico only needing two points to win and Bee needing one. If he could just get this reload off…
Pico threw the controller down as his character shouted out, the defeat banner mocking his side of the screen. “¡No mames! ¡Estabas tan muerto!” [1]
“Woooow, I can’t believe I beat your ass so bad you reverted back to your native tongue! Sore loser, much?”
Pico shot him a dirty look and flipped him off. He was not a sore loser, Bee was just an annoying winner.
Bee threw his head back and exploded into a laughing fit, one that made him choke on air. Despite it all, Pico watched on with a small smile of his own.
These past few months with Bee had been a very interesting experience for Pico. Once, he saw the man as nothing more than a pathetic street rat, someone Pico would’ve never given a second glance. Now, the guy was living with him, helping him do the laundry, going shopping, paying bills, all like it came naturally. Pico couldn’t even begin to pinpoint the moment Bee became an important person in his life. It all happened so quickly, but he didn’t mind.
Bee had changed Pico for the better, too. He didn’t have to hide his scars anymore, he hadn’t shot up in a while, hell, Bee was even learning sign language for him. He didn’t have to shy away anymore, opening up more and more everyday. It was hard to have a bad day with this smiley, giggly creature around all the time. Someone that understood Pico and made him feel human again, something he hadn’t had in a long time. Something he really needed.
Pico’s fond smile grew a little bigger as he had a thought he wouldn’t have even entertained just a few months ago.
I’m so glad you’re here with me.
Suddenly, Pico’s chest sharpened suddenly, an unbelievable burning sensation settling at the bottom of his lungs. He broke out into a severe coughing fit, doubling over and hacking into the back of his hand. Vaguely, he heard Bee’s laughter die down as he rushed over to fret over him. Pico opened his teary eyes, and through the haze, saw a blur of red. His eyes widened and finally focused to confirm his suspicions.
Blood. Fuck, he was gonna be sick.
He pushed himself off the couch, ignoring Bee’s frantic question as he sprinted to the bathroom. Unfortunately, the sink was closer than the toilet, which meant for cleanup for Pico later, but he couldn’t be bothered to think about it as he bent over and retched into the basin. He couldn’t stop coughing, every violent hack accompanied by another heave. He just held his eyes shut and hoped it’d be over soon.
Finally, the burning in his chest relaxed, letting him catch a few ragged breaths. He gave himself a few moments of brevity before opening his eyes to witness the horrors.
More blood. A lot more blood.
Amongst the sea of red, he noticed something strange: small, yellow flower petals.
He tilted his head in confusion. Blood he could understand, he’s a heavy smoker after all, or maybe it was internal bleeding from a wound he hadn’t healed from.
But petals? Nothing could explain that.
Curious, he picked up one of the petals from somewhere in the sink where there wasn’t much blood or sick and inspected it. He thumbed it, feeling the soft texture, his brain racing with questions.
Before he even had a chance to spiral into overthinking, he watched as the petal slowly disintegrated into powder, disappearing as fast as it appeared.
Just another hallucination .
That’s the only conclusion he could come to. It wasn’t possible for people to cough up plants, that was just too absurd. It just had to be his brain playing tricks on him.
He sighed and relaxed a little, beginning the work of cleaning up his mess. It didn’t take him too long, and when he left the bathroom, he wasn’t surprised to see Bee standing in the hallway waiting for him.
“Dude, what the fuck happened, are you okay?!”
Pico knew he wouldn’t be able to talk after a hallucination, so he nodded and held up his hand to sign.
[I’m okay.] At Bee’s worried glance, Pico pointed to his throat and fingerspelled [Hurts].
Bee still looked nervous, but he slowly nodded. “Do you want some water?”
Pico nodded again, leaving him in the hallway alone as Bee nearly sprinted to the kitchen. He accepted the water Bee brought back gratefully, his throat feeling a little better.
“Wh-what even happened? That was so violent, are you sick?”
Pico shrugged. [IDK]
“That is not reassuring!”
Pico rolled his eyes as he finished the water. [I’m okay] he repeated.
He pushed back Bee to drop off his glass in the sink. Bee trailed him like a worried mother, and even though Pico knew it came from a good place, he couldn’t deny that it irritated him a little. He turned back around so Bee could see his hands.
[Thank you. I’m going to bed.]
“Are you sure? Should I take you to a hospital or something?”
[What car?] Pico hated fingerspelling, but Bee didn’t know too much besides the alphabet and a few phrases.
“I’d… figure something out, that’s not my point!”
[I’m okay] Pico repeated, clear annoyance on his face.
Bee sighed and rolled his eyes. “Fine, but if something happens, please don’t hesitate to wake me up or something, okay? I’ll carry you to the hospital myself if I have to.”
Pico chuckled quietly. [I’m okay. Tired.]
Bee stared him down for a good few seconds before sighing quietly and giving Pico a soft smile. “Okay, I trust you. Stubborn ass, I just care about you.”
That made another burning pressure squeeze Pico’s chest. He managed to push down the coughing fit as he nodded and quickly signed [Goodnight], speed walking to his bedroom. As soon as he shut the door, he could no longer hold back the choking coughs. It wasn’t as bad as before, but still, what was wrong with him?
Am I dying? That’s fine, I guess. What would happen to Bee, though? If I die, what’ll he do?
He’d be fine without you.
All you do is hold him back.
What a mess you are!
Pico groaned as he stumbled to his bed, falling onto it facedown. It’d been a few weeks since he’d heard that voice, having enjoyed a momentary peace. He couldn’t deal with all these things at once, he just wanted to sleep.
As he crawled under his covers, his mind wandered once again to the petals. Just what was that? He knew that they weren’t real, so why was he second guessing himself? Hallucinations weren’t new to him, he’d been having these since he first got into high school. Was it because they were so realistic ? But… petals don’t just fade away like that…
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, attempting to sleep. He just had to think of something calming, that would do the trick. He initially thought of a rainstorm before deciding to scratch that idea. Used to be, the sound of rain hitting his door and thunder booming above him was so relaxing, but since knowing Bee, he’d completely changed. Now, he only thought of storms as something to worry for Bee’s sake, distracting him and making sure the guy didn’t shit his pants every time God decided to go bowling.
Damn, Bee was on his mind a lot recently, huh?
Pico shot up as another coughing fit wracked his chest. He didn’t have to gag, but he still checked his hand for blood.
Petals.
Pico started shaking. Something wasn’t right, he usually didn’t have repeat hallucinations back to back. It also struck him as strange that, as far as he could tell, there wasn’t a trigger this time. No nightmare, no flashback, nothing. Really, he’d had a great night, all that happened beforehand was him and Bee playing together and playing video games on his couch.
His chest started hurting worse.
In a last ditch effort to try to make sense of any of this, he shakily reached over and grabbed his phone from the nightstand. His shitty data internet wasn’t the best, but it would have to do. He just had to know if there was something about human anatomy he didn’t understand, or if he really was as crazy as he thought.
Slowly, he typed coughing up flower petals into his search bar.
It took a good few seconds for the page to load, but when it did, he was even more confused. All of the searches read hanahaki, fictional flower disease , and things along those lines. Fictional? Was it even possible for his hallucinations to pick up on something he’d never heard of? He clicked the first link.
“Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from unrequited love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies.”
Love.
Love.
Love.
It felt like the world collapsed from under him. He froze, staring at the word over and over.
Love. Love. Love.
The word was so foreign to him. Couldn’t be, right? He’d never known what that felt like, always rolled his eyes at cutesy couples, always scoffed at John’s insistence that he’d find someone, had briefly wondered when he was teenager if something was wrong with him for never looking at someone that way before inevitably coming to the realization that he was never meant for that. He wasn’t allowed to have that aspect of human nature.
And yet…
Bee’s smile when he teased Pico. His laugh at his own shitty jokes. His passion for music that radiated off of him like an aura. His beautiful singing voice to match it. How his hair looked down, or in a bun, or braided. How his eyes twinkled when he started rambling about something he loved. How he’s always been there for Pico, trying to brighten his day and accepting him, no matter what.
Love. Love. Love.
Love.
Love .
Pico thought he was going to throw up again. His body turned ice cold and numb, losing all awareness of his surroundings. He couldn’t even think properly, his mind only able to churn one, singular thought over and over again.
Fuck. I’m in love with Bee.