Chapter Text
Elrond and Artanis get him a pardon to come -- he can't believe it could be true, and is loath to [he won't] put their ship in danger in case any of the ainur sink it as it approaches. But Elrond says even other races are coming, as well as a dwarf in the future, too. And with the Valar's blessing even!
He can't believe it, but he also knows Elrond wouldn't lie to him. Thankfully neither of them make Maglor speak to Artanis, because what is there to say? He already knows he's a monster and a disgrace. He doesn't need her to tell him.
So he has a little more potential belief in that he can go west, but not much. He knows, but does not tell Elrond, that if anything happens on the water, he's going to jump overboard. That way the ship will be left alone, hopefully, and just he will be killed for daring to go west.
Before they start packing to go, Glorfindel unveils an enormous chart he's made of 'who should he dance with once he gets to Valinor'. He's even made a cheatsheet with sketches for Elrond, who doesn't know most of the people personally or what they look like.
Maglor observes this with laughter, looking at it himself with him. He tells Elrond embarrassing stories about all the people listed.
Frodo is coming too, and the other halfing, so he sings Frodo some songs in private [to help his health] in the Grey Havens before they take off. Maglor's afraid of shipping out. Trying to heal Frodo a bit is a distraction from his intense fear at going over the sea, and also Frodo is in great pain, and deserves to have it lessened as much as possible.
Elrond also gives Frodo medicine and does as much as he can for him, of course. But Maglor is a singer from the first age, and his power is unparalleled. He's been recuperating for a long time in Rivendell, and his playing has grown very strong. Not as good as him in his prime, untroubled by the two trees, but still pretty good.
He never asks Elrond how he got a pardon for him, or if the Valar just issued it on their own. He's afraid in both cases, honestly, and not just for himself.
Unfortunately Maglor gets so wound up the closer they get to boarding the ship that Elrond starts giving him wine with his medicine mixed into it [with his consent]. He's all for it. It turns out that Glorfindel or Elrond carries him onboard, because he starts taking more of his own volition and passes out.
Maglor finally wakes to see Elrond sitting beside his bed, with his harp on the table beside him. [He has a few, this is just one of them that's old and more special to him.]
All he can think to say is, "Give me more, I can't be awake for this."
He's not supposed to go back. No one is allowed back who left like he did. ... Or who did what he did. He still gets overwhelmed by memories of murdering other people.
Elrond hastens to, looking concerned, and as he gulps it down, he adds to Glorfindel who's there nearby, "If it seems the ship will not be allowed, promise me you'll throw me off, I cannot be responsible for more deaths. I cannot."
Also it would be a little different to be responsible for his cousin's death, and Elrond's [his little darling child] and Glorfindel, his friend. And the ringbearer, that would just be disgusting all on its own, obviously.
Thankfully he passes out at that point and doesn't have to deal with the moment of Elrond's shocked face that he did see.
He knows Glorfindel will understand and be strong enough to do it to save them all. He will be willing to save them, and Elrond, even at the expense of Elrond's grief and anger.
Glorfindel's a hero, that's what they're like.
Maglor next wakes up and it's very bright out, and Elrond is beside him again, reading. That's a usual scene, he loves books now as much as he did as a child.
"The light, please," he mumbles to Elrond.
"Yes, it's morning," Elrond tells him. "How do you feel?"
"Please put it out," he begs him, as he feels as if he's very hungover. Some of Elrond's medicines for him do that.
To his surprise, Elrond laughs. "My friend, I cannot put out the sun. I can put a blanket over you if you'd like. There are a great many nice quilts to choose from."
He and his brother always had the twins call them 'friend' and not father. They were careful to never let them do that. They may have been evil and blood stained and killers, but they did have some standards.
Maglor blinks at him. Then he blinks at the light, which he now sees is coming in from giant open windows. Actually it all looks quite like Imladris, really. "Where are we, at home?" he asks. It's been so long for him of thinking of wherever Elrond is as 'home' that he speaks like this without thinking. It looks like they're in Imladris.
Yes, he remembers the sea voyage but seeing how similar this place is to Rivendell makes him feel unmoored, and a little confused. Also, he was on a boat, so where is it? He used to hallucinate a lot on the shore before Elrond rescued him, healed him, and the oath curse somehow faded from him, and left forever. Even now he gets lost in his memories, has vivid nightmares except he's awake.
... Did they even go to the shore together to sail? Was there even an actual boat? He's suddenly not too sure of anything.
Elrond looks like he wants to laugh again. It is nice to see him in such good spirits, truly. "Gil-Galad built me this city," he tells him, almost blushing to admit it. "Since he's been here, he's been working on it. This is your room. Mine is next door. ... It's mostly books. He does know me."
Maglor takes this in. "This is deep in Valinor, in a valley quite like ours at home, in a way. I need nothing here for there to be gentle seasons almost always," Elrond continues happily. Nothing like his secret ring that often sapped all his energy, Maglor knows he means.
"My parents have written me letters, and so has your mother; she sent you one, and others did," he adds, pointing to a pile of them on the little table beside Maglor's bed.
"Are you okay, with your letters?" Maglor asks him, and they both know he means with his real family's letters. He tries not to think about the cruel things his mother could say to him ... which are all deserved.
Elrond makes a moue with his mouth and shrugs. "It feels strange to have to go meet other adults that want a relationship that cannot be. Maybe I could be friends with them, perhaps, but parents are people you grow up with. I think they will be disappointed to realize in time that seeing me in person will not fix what they did. Not that I condemn them totally. But every choice has a good and bad side. They tried to be heroes, and for that the price was having no children, ever. They will only know me as a distant relation. I do not see how we could ever be close, in an authentic way, the way they want."
It pains him to hear him talk that way. And yet, it is sound. Also it's not his business to tell Elrond what to think about his own real parents. Or about anything at all. Not after their history together.
"What do you think?" Elrond asks him.
"Well, I think of it as being the parent, as being them," Maglor explains. "I wish I could have been your real ... family. But if I had, and then lost you, and to some bad people, it would kill me to think you loved them more than me. Even if it were good that you had been not so unhappy with them."
Elrond looks surprised. "But you wouldn't know me then," he says. "If you were the real one."
Maglor laughs. "A parent always feels like they know their child. Even if it's not true anymore, they are simply convinced. You can tell me how you've changed and gotten so old and wise, but I will always look at you and see you hugging your soft toy or telling me you saw a frog."
He smiles. Maglor is pleased by his reaction. "The most important thing is that you feel okay with what you do."
"It was a very interesting frog," Elrond says dryly, and smiles.
After so long in Elrond's care as an invalid he feels like they are close brothers, or friends or something like that. It's been Elrond taking care of him for so long. He is not strong anymore, and the oath being gone means he is not artificially driven by something beyond him, so he is devoid of energy most of the time.
Sometimes he wonders if the oath kept him alive, despite him trying to die over and over and it never working. The water just kept throwing him back on shore, and he kept being unfortunately alive. Sometimes even now he longs for oblivion; not even for Mandos, but to be gone entirely from his own soul. To not have his crimes be real.
Ha, he thinks. The evil ring couldn't give him that type of promise -- and that he'd definitely be lured in by, despite himself.
"Even though I love you as my own child, I wish we could have met now freshly and be friends. With no bad history," Maglor admits to him. Elrond gets onto his bed and hugs him and he hugs back with his good hand.
Admittedly Elrond has actually cured his burned hand, but out of habit he rarely uses it.
"This way we have both -- the first part was good, just ... weirdly tinged, and now it's just good," Elrond says.
They cannot lie to Elrond's parents, obviously, or the elves who live here in Aman. All know upon seeing him that he is Maglor Feanorean.
"I suppose I must go see my parents," Elrond adds, and he can sense his feelings of awkwardness and discomfort. "What about your mother, are you going to write back?"
Maglor hmms as Elrond finally disentangles himself. He looks very disgruntled to have to go see his parents. "I guess so. She deserves it," he decides. He keeps putting off reading the letter.
So Elrond's parents come to see him in their new-Imladris, far away from where Maglor is currently. Glorfindel is keeping him company is his room until they leave for many, many obvious reasons.
Finally after an eternity of not being able to play or sing [in case they hear him in the far distance], Elrond returns. He looks okay, calm. Not super pleased, though.
"Well, tell us, what is the verdict," Glorfindel says and Elrond shrugs a little.
Sometimes he does random un-elflike behaviors, something Maglor has always assumed he and Elros did out of their half-half [but also maia] heritage.
"They're ... nice," Elrond says, and he does not look thrilled. "They said all the appropriate things. ... I did too. They didn't really care about you, it seemed like," he adds, glancing meaningfully at Maglor, who nods.
"So no gossip at all?" Glorfindel says, crestfallen.
Maglor gives him a scolding look that he doesn't notice, but Elrond laughs at seeing it.
"Not really," he confirms and Glorfindel looks very disappointed. Maglor can tell that Elrond half agrees with him, that he'd expected them to be difficult. "It was very ... detached. Distant. I felt uncomfortable."
"At least this moment is done," Maglor offers, and Elrond smiles at him like summer dawn in all its softness. It makes him feel good. There are only a few things that do.
Thankfully Elrond has chosen the third, secret way out of the big controversy about him -- instead of picking his real parents or picking the Feanoreans [well just Maglor is left, and Nerdanel], he has eschewed the question entirely and picked Gil-Galad. He lives with him, under his power. So none can say he has spurned either group.
But all wonder what he truly thinks, of course. Elrond refuses to say anything. He is polite to everyone, and goes and meets everyone who comes to see him. He will not comment ever on the obvious question. Most elves are too afraid of him and his power [and also Gil-Galad] to ask and potentially anger him.
After all, he has power, and he is related to so many powerful people. And all know Maglor is there with him in new Rivendell. No one knows what he'd do if Elrond's wrath was directed at a random elf. Same for Glorfindel.
Unfortunately, after talking to Elrond for a while, Elrond's parents send Maglor a letter. A servant drops all the letters for he and Elrond off one day. Maglor is surprised to see a few with his name on them, so he opens them.
To his horror, he slowly realizes one missive he's reading cannot be from anyone good. Well, metaphorically, for him, that is.
It's 'the parents'. Elrond's.
They tell him thank you for being good to the twins, even though obviously they're horrified by what happened. They acknowledge they abandoned their own children. They say it's good they were raised kindly instead of left to be tortured to death, or just tortured and killed by the kinslayers.
They say that even if he hadn't been part of it all, it would have happened regardless, so they feel lucky that there was one partially-good kinslayer that happened to be there to take care of their children. ... Unlike what happened to the other kids, infamously. The ones left in the cold forest to die. Elwing's brothers.
They end the letter by saying they are willing to speak to him [civilly] or do other things if that's what he thinks Elrond wants. They add that they're not sure, really, but assume Maglor would know, since he actually knows him.
Maglor drops the letter as if it's burning, coming out of his shock. Well, maybe that's a bad metaphor, he thinks a little hysterically. He should know. His left hand still is marked up, though Elrond was able over time to heal the whole wound very well. It almost never hurts. There is some strange phantom pain though at times, especially if he thinks about it.
It seems strange that he was able to heal it, but Maglor doesn't question it. If anyone can heal a magical, holy burn wound, it's Elrond. He was good at healing even as a little boy. It's probably the maia blood in him, combined with his kind soul.
The pain of the silmaril burning him didn't just burn his hand but his spirit, too. Elrond and Glorfindel agree, they see his aura as not as bright as it should be. Elrond of course is the real test as he knew him before. But Glorfindel knew so many elves that had seen the two trees, so he knows what he should look like, in that sense.
Compared to the glow of Glorfindel, 'Lindir' practically looks like a mortal man. Random elves assume he is very young and unimportant due to this, which he likes.
Thankfully Mithrandir is someone they can trust, and he has agreed that Maglor has suffered enough, Elrond told him once.
He tells Elrond about the letter immediately, and he can tell he's displeased that his parents did this. In a sense Maglor gets why they did; in another sense, Elrond is no child. He is an adult, and a powerful one. After that nothing happens for a long while, which Maglor likes.
Elrond tells his parents he'd prefer if they didn't write to Maglor, and to write to him instead, which Maglor heartily approves of. He assumes his parents do too, but Elrond tells him that they actually said they had hoped that Maglor would give them a cheatsheet so they could know Elrond in advance, almost.
Both of them don't like this idea, though Maglor would do it if that's what Elrond wanted, obviously.
Elrond tells him, "They left us for their own heroism, in their minds. That's fine, but they don't get to play it both ways. Even thinking about cheating is unacceptable."
Everything floats on in a halcyon dream until Gil-Galad bursts into the room they're lazing around in and says, "Your parents are here," to Elrond. Who looks horrified.
It'd be almost funny if Maglor wasn't even more upset. "They've somehow gotten past the waypoint where the visitors are directed to go."
And stay.
So they're closer physically to this room than they've ever been. Oh boy.
Maglor grabs the medical potion bottle near him and starts chugging it straight from from the container. They always keep lots of medicine near him in case he's not feeling well. He still has episodes, all different kinds. Thankfully he's never violent or loud in any of them. It's mostly shaking, being in pain, being lost mentally, crying, that type of thing.
He simply cannot be conscious with a silmaril so close -- isn't Earendil wearing his wife's on his brow all the time? Who knows. Better not to find out, he thinks. While he's free from the oath now, he can feel that it's curse is gone and he can think freely and does not feel unnaturally driven, he definitely doesn't want to chance it.
Also, he just doesn't think it's a good idea to be near Elrond's real parents. Who knows what they'd do, say. Do. ... Do to him.
No matter what happened, it would upset Elrond. He's tough in front of other people, but he tells Maglor the truth. He always has. He knows all about Elrond's complex feelings for each of them -- he wants to talk to them, and doesn't, all at the same time, he's told Maglor before.
This stuff is strong, he thinks dreamily, pausing in drinking, as he sags back against his chair. He feels Elrond take the bottle and put a blanket over him. He likes being taken care of. Only by someone he trusts, though. It's very different from before, when he slept on the ground every day and was filthy and in pain [several types] for what seemed like an eternity.
Thankfully being in Valinor has at least cured him of his desire to kill himself.
He happily falls into an artificial sleep. Maglor always enjoys it because it's the closest he can come to real sleep like Elrond can do, the mortal-style kind. As an elf, obviously he can't really sleep. But Elrond can, given his heritage. It always looked so peaceful; he envied it, especially before because he was often in agony, inside ... and not just emotionally, in every way.
When he wakes up, Elrond is there. He looks at him groggily, and Elrond gives him a rueful look. "You missed all the excitement," he says drily.
Maglor drinks the water he gives him and raises his eyebrows in question.
"Glorfindel heard them speaking to me, he was probably spying, which was actually nice of him, and ... felt he needed to share his thoughts. Then they were all shouting at each other. Then everyone looked at me, but I wouldn't take anyone's side, and said I was neutral. My parents stormed off in a huff while Glorfindel lectured me on how I should be agreeing with him," Elrond explains. "It was rather funny, in a way. I know Glorfindel was just trying to help. It was very difficult. I don't like being the focus."
Maglor hmmms in sympathy.
Elrond already knows that he hates to be noticed too.
Of course in his case it's more because people want to murder or hurt him in retaliation for his crimes ... and in Elrond's case it's because he feels like it's awkward when people talk about him and his horrible life. So it's a tiny bit similar, but not really, but kind of.
"At least they won't be coming back soon," Elrond adds, and he actually sounds relieved. "It was nice of Glorfindel, really. Even though I wouldn't have said anything, it's still nice to be defended. I want to have some cake and wine as a reward for enduring that," he declares, and Maglor smiles. He too knows the pain and discomfort that is family.
He'd earlier asked Elrond to read and summarize his mother's letter. Elrond didn't know her himself of course but had gamely done it.
It turned out she wanted to see him, as he was the only one of all their kinslaying family that had been redeemed and forgiven by the Valar. She forgave him, too. She said she needed some time before they met to get used to the idea of someone in the family being alive and good instead of evil [well, now], because of how alien it was to her [and she lived alone for all this time, so she wasn't used to seeing anyone at all].
She also wanted to see Elrond, and asked if it was so bad, staying with him like some kind of ward/prisoner. What was he like?
Elrond had laughed at this line, and come up with potential responses later for him. It had amused Maglor, who had offered some of his own, like 'he takes all the lemon cookies because he hoards them for some reason, so I'm practically deprived of them', and 'he doesn't appreciate good music, I'm very offended, as you can imagine'.
"I don't hoard those cookies," Elrond had defended himself, smiling. "I simply make sure to have some available in case anyone wants them."
They've all been smiling more now that they are in Valinor. Even Maglor, though it feels weird to do it; he hasn't done that in a long while, even after being back with Elrond in Rivendell.]
They sit and have cake and wine. Maglor even tries some, and it's fun. He puts a little cake in his watered down wine so it soaks up the liquid and gets mushy; he still mostly eats soft food like that only. He likes when they do things together. He missed him very much before, even when he was crazy.
Of course after Elrond is settled and it's known that his 'real parents' visited him, he has to go visit famous elves. Fingolfin, Finarfin, and everyone else in power, of course -- and they all know of Elrond's supposedly Feanorean connections. No one knows what to make of this, are his Feanoreans serving him as some kind of apology/redemption? Or does he actually sympathize with them? Are they his prisoners?
Also he has to meet all his living relatives, too.
So to sidestep the issue of 'who's' presenting him, Gil-Galad does. There would probably be an uproar if anyone related to Finwe other than him did, and also Earendil doesn't seem like he's going to want to or be able to. Gil-Galad has been told before that he doesn't interact with elven society almost at all, by choice, it's seemed.
So Glorfindel and Gil-Galad pick out special outfits for Elrond, and they take off for Finwe's palace, where one of his sons still rules. Maglor cannot come of course, and stays at home. Glorfindel accompanies the two of them as a type of honorary guard.
Thus also side-stepping the issue of 'who' is going to go with them. Typically Feanoreans follow Elrond around all the time, every day in Rivendell, and in new Rivendell too. Gil-Galad had been aware that those coming over with Elrond would expect and also want to do work.
So he set up large areas for their use and industry. They would have been upset to arrive and have nothing to do. They are as a whole not people who want to sit and read like Elrond. They are people of action, work, business, creation.
When they arrive at Finwe's palace, they find all of his [living] sons there, as some kind of a united front, Gil-Galad supposes. Elrond is wearing a carefully chosen 'neutral' outfit that favors neither side[s] of his heritage, or 'adopted heritage', even.
There are no stars in sight, not Earendil's, or Maglor's or even Gil-Galad's stars. No trigger colors either.
Truly, Glorfindel achieved something almost impossible with this outfit.
So Gil-Galad introduces Elrond to his forebearer, naming the high king first, and then the rest of them. They all seem very nervous.
Elrond picks up the conversational slack by saying he's interested in learning about the plants of Aman.
Everyone there is quite puzzled by this but doesn't want to ask and seem rude. "To learn about their healing properties," he elaborates.
"Only the healers know of things like that," Finarfin says, and Elrond nods.
"I am one, myself," he explains.
"He is probably the best healer here in Aman, now," Gil-Galad adds.
"Because of magic?" Finarfin asks, and Fingolfin smacks his leg, apparently finding that too rude a question.
"That's probably part of it," Elrond says easily. "I just like it, really. If you do something enough, you get good at it over time. I often work on old injuries, problems with emotions, memories, things like that."
They all nod. "And how do people ... sign up to be treated?" Finarfin asks. Oddly, all of them look interested.
"Well, it depends on the situation," Elrond explains. "If it's an emergency, then whoever can get to me fastest tells me, either through magic or a messenger. If it's a question, or someone wants to discuss something with me, then I have people send me letters. I go through them and sort them in order of the severity of the problem. So someone suffering great pain isn't treated after someone who has a random question."
So as one can imagine, Elrond ends up getting a huge amount of letters in new Imladris.
"And how is ... how are your people, all settling in that valley, here?" Finarfin continues. "Are they ... all ... doing good? Everyone?"
Everyone in the room knows he means Maglor.
Elrond smiles at him. "Everyone is good. Otherwise I would heal them."
Finarfin nods, relieved. The other ones look that way too, to a lesser extent. Sure Maglor is Feanor's son, but they don't want him being abused in Aman either.
Elrond asks them all about books they've written that he's already read, or hasn't been able to find a copy of. They're flattered, and promise to send him copies of the other ones.
Finally their conversation is over, and Gil-Galad and Elrond go rest with Glorfindel, who had waited outside for them to be done. Then the group goes off to see Idril and Tuor, Turgon and not Dior who is dead, Nimloth and everyone else. For these people Gil-Galad does not go with Elrond, but stays back with Glorfindel as a sort of escort.
These people greet him eagerly but are nervous too. They apologize for what Elwing did to him, interestingly. Elrond is polite and kind to them. Of course, since he's a stranger to them and his parents [who they know and find odd], it's pretty stilted.
Finally he is done, with only Galadriel's people to see. She comes out herself to introduce her family to him.
Then they go and see Melian. For this Elrond goes in alone, and Gil-Galad and Glorfindel stay in an Elvish area nearby. He finally returns, and looks tired. "She taught me things," he tells them, and Glorfindel tells him to rest.
Gil-Galad holds him as Glorfindel keeps watch. They still do things like that, unable to trust this land and its people.
And then they can go home.
They all tell Maglor how it went when they get back. The first group are his relatives after all. And regardless, he has the most knowledge of these older type elves.
He is always pleased to see them return home, especially Elrond. Erestor doesn't mind if they're all out, because he's busy running new Rivendell. The Feanoreans set up a thriving industry inside the area Gil-Galad set apart for them.
Their jewelry and embroidery are sought after by other elves. They usually trade it for healing items; plants, other things. They weave their own bandages, and Elrond holds each one personally afterwards to 'bless' it with magic somehow. While no one, including him, is sure if doing that helps with anything, they all do it anyway in case.
It definitely works when he does it with crops, so why not keep it up, everyone thinks.
One of the best things about this new Imladris is that it's a closed place, unlike the original one. Even Elrond's parents could only come to the outskirts, the area for outsiders. ... Well, that's how it's supposed to be, at least.
The only people living here have been personally chosen by Gil-Galad, as he knew Elrond was going to eventually get there. ... He also clearly knew about how Elrond felt about Maglor [or that he'd try to bring him here to the undying lands] because none of the elves here have a problem with the kinslayers directly.
Maglor doesn't ask Elrond about Gil-Galad, despite him having quite a few 'private' audiences with him. He didn't ask him about him earlier in Rivendell either. While Glorfindel may tease him Elrond about him, Maglor thinks he's not quite on the money.
Elrond won't get close to anyone after he lost his third set of people -- first his real parents, then his kidnap-parents and Elros choosing mortality, then Elros actually dying. Even Erestor has told Maglor that he thinks Elrond should get over it and marry Gil-Galad, but Maglor understands that he cannot.
Because everyone abandons him. No matter who they are, it happens endlessly. He is closed off now, in his heart. Thankfully Maglor got in there before the end date, so he's open with him. But he withholds his thoughts from Glorfindel even, and they are as tight as can be, almost like brothers. It is nice to see, since Elrond needs that after losing Elros.
Gil-Galad was quite weirded out about Glorfindel returning to serve Elrond, [not because he was sent back magically, but because it's about Elrond specifically], but apparently got over it and accepted it. Maglor is sure that's because he realized that Elrond doesn't look for love in others, and Glorfindel is the world's most committed bachelor.
Maglor knows all this because Elrond has talked to him about it; he always encouraged him to share his thoughts with him, even if they were against him personally or resenting him/his crimes.
He knows well his complex feelings of resenting his parents, yet also loving them. [He feels a bit similarly about his father, his brothers.] But how can you love someone you don't know? In Elrond's case, he has few memories of his parents. Maglor has never asked for those, as it seems sacreligous.
It's all a puzzle, paradox, nonsense, as Elrond always says. And he also feels a lot of things about Elros, and his choice. After Maglor got better he confided in him even more than before the two of them went for the last silmarils.
Elrond is no longer only or 'just' his child. He is also like his own [or rather new] sibling, now. Or some type of unlabeled, close person. When he was barely awake and Elrond was trying to heal him, Maglor recognized him in some base, animal way. His spirit knew Elrond's. His voice, his hands, soothed him. They still do.
It is strange to feel like the child of his child. Sometimes Maglor still gets lost in his own horrible memories and deeds and lays down and does not get up. He eventually comes out of it because Elrond heals him somehow. Afterwards he holds Maglor like a child and rubs his back. It feels very nice.
Glorfindel never leaves and goes back to where all the people from Gondolin [who have come back from Mandos, or survived the first time] are. He instead stays with Elrond as if he has to. But he doesn't now.
Maglor asks about it surreptisiously, and Elrond tells him that he keeps putting it off. Glorfindel will say he'll go next week, next month. But he never does, so they stopped mentioning it.
"I get it, perhaps," Maglor tells him. Elrond gives him an inquisitive look. "I know my situation is different, but I want -- I wish, I could be Lindir. Not stuck back in my old life. Living here, I can do that. I can wear different clothes, eat different food. The small things," he concludes.
"Maybe he feels like I do, awkward to be here," Elrond says, and he enjoys this nice talk. He always likes to be with him, near him.
Despite Gil-Galad making all this for him and also famously being obsessed with him, he does not seem to act in any overdone way in public. He has met Maglor, but only for a few moments. He nodded hesitantly at him; Maglor nodded back.
He gets how weird and awkward it is for people to interact with him. He feels the same way. It's hard to be himself.
Eventually he hears of other people, all the regular people that are out and about in Aman. Elrond stays in this new homely house with him, as he doesn't want to meet new people unless he truly desires to. It makes Maglor feel for him all over again, if that's possible, since he does that all the time.
What he did to them, both bad and good, stained the twins' lives. Everyone knows poor Elrond was abandoned and then stolen and brainwashed by kidnapper murderers, that is if he wasn't just straight out [also] literally abused by them. It colors every encounter he will have with all these older elves. They all know the story as if it happened yesterday.
In middle earth, fewer elves knew all this. There were many who did not. Here, Elrond is permanently marked by the kinslaying, and everyone wants to discuss it with him. He gets loads of letters, so many that the servant that handles it has to carry them in a few at a time.
Maglor knows they mention it [Elrond's past] because of the looks on his face as he reads the letters. He does not like it when other people talk about it.
In the interim, Maglor and his mother write back and forth more often. Finally she says she wants to see him, and that with his agreement she'll come by where he lives.
He talks to Elrond about it, because he wants him there. "Not to talk, really, just to be a person existing nearby," he says, and Elrond nods.
Maglor feels sorry he cannot do this for Elrond too, but they both know it's too dangerous for Elrond's true parents to be near a son of Feanor. Who knows what could happen -- they could lose it and try to kill him, even. Maglor wouldn't be surprised, after all, he added insult to injury by stealing their son and raising him as his own. He stole his love, too.
And he can't be near the silmaril. He's never asked Elrond if his father wears it still. He doesn't like to think about it or say words like that; everyone censors their language about it around him. Sometimes it pricks him with slight annoyance, that he has to be the cause of such silliness, and other times [like 99% of the time], he's very grateful. Because it's very hard to be him on a normal day, and on a bad day he cannot take even the slightest reminder.
He gets to know Frodo well when they are in Valinor. It was his and the other one, Bilbo's, desire to live with Elrond instead of with Gandalf or Galadriel, who offered too. He still doesn't feel comfortable with Bilbo. Frodo is much better company, he never asks questions. He is more quiet than Bilbo.
Maglor unfortunately gets more and more mail, and realizes lots of the people who supported Feanor and his sons are here, remade. And they want to talk to him. Eerily, all the letters express they want him to be their lord again. He cannot put into the words the visceral distaste he has upon reading that one time, much less over and over.
Elrond knows something is wrong because he doesn't want his soup. He always has his soup for every meal. And whatever Elrond tries to get him to try too, just to please him. He does not make him talk about it, he knows he will at some point.
He does not respond to the letters. He tells Gil-Galad, in a rare moment they are alone, to tell the Feanorean supporters that yes, fine, sure, he is here, but he is so wounded he cannot be in charge of himself, much less other people. "Make sure you say I'm Elrond's addled, lame, pet," he finishes.
Gil-Galad stares at him in horror.
"I can't say any of that. Especially not the last part. They'd kill me," he says, and then cringes at his choice of words. " ... Or something," he adds weakly.
It's unfortunate that many words and turns of phrase have to be banned around him, Maglor thinks. Gil-Galad hadn't even meant anything by it. "It's okay. Just make them think I'm very ill, and in pain, and Elrond has healed me very much but I have very little soul left."
Which is all true, anyway.
He sighs. "Alright," Gil-Galad finally agrees.
Later Elrond reports that the people took it better than expected, and acquiesced. Thank goodness, he thinks. The problem with being a rebel leader, or rather the last one alive at least, is that people want to talk to you. Or follow you, or they want you to do something.
Maglor plans to do literally nothing for the rest of his life, thank you very much. Other than hanging out with Elrond, eating soup when pressed [he now usually eats soft bread soaked in it too], and thinking up some songs; nothing else.
Finally he and his mother plan to meet in new Rivendell. And then she's there. And so is he.
Elrond's in the background behind him, where Maglor asked him to be. Really he wants Elrond there to help him actually show up and stay during this. Otherwise he's afraid he'd simply run for it. This is very stressful.
Unlike Elrond's talks with his parents, Maglor is no victim for his mother to hug. No lost child to pity and soothe. Maglor is a murderer.
He is her only family member left alive, and he's not even her favorite.
They just look at each other. She looks upset, which he should have expected, he thinks distantly. This all feels like an out of body experience. "You look terrible," she says, and he shrugs.
Her accent is of course the 'correct' early Quenya. He responds similarly. He has to focus to do it, because of how he deliberately spoke the wrong way to the boys, so they wouldn't be marked as Feanorean back then. Well, as much at least.
And then he didn't speak in any language at all after he thew his jewel into the sea, so his language skills are creaky, especially a language that wasn't used in Imladris.
"Well I look much better than I did, it turns out Elrond's a healer of great skill," Maglor explains. She hugs him, and he hugs back.
She steps back. "I'm upset of course, but I'm happy not to be alone. To have ... I lost everyone," she says.
"I am sorry for you, too," Maglor replies quietly. "And for it all. And for me."
"Thank you. I wish things had been different. ... Well, I think this is a good first meeting," his mother says. "We better call it, and do more in the future. What do you think?"
He can feel Elrond's shock because of how close their bond is. "I agree. It's so rare for something to go so well, we better not waste it," Maglor agrees, and she smiles. So does he.
They say farewell, she smiles and waves at Elrond who is currently busy looking poleaxed at both of them. Then she's gone. He breathes out. It feels nice to have done something right. Correct. Good.
He turns to look at Elrond, who's looking after her in confusion still. "Thank you for coming. I think you made it easier for both of us."
He switches over to sá-sí now to speak to him -- he uses the 'bad' Quenya to speak to Elrond still. He's just used it, it's something he does instinctively to protect him, even though that time is gone.
Elrond blinks. "I didn't do anything." Of course he can understand his real accent, as all the Feanoreans still talk in it, even in new Rivendell, amongst themselves. All know why Elrond speaks differently, of course. They were there.
Maglor kisses his forehead like he did when he was a little boy. "You did," he assures him. They go back to Elrond's room.
"It's strange to hear you talk in the old way," Elrond says, and he nods. Not only in Quenya but also with his real accent, the original one of the elves; the one he never used around the twins on purpose.
"She said in her last letter that you're her secret new grandchild," Maglor tells him, and he laughs.
"It's awkward to meet so many people I'm related to," he admits, "but I do like the idea of having a family. And a giant one, at that."
Food is brought to his rooms, and they eat together before Glorfindel swans in and tries some. Elrond goes off to spend time with Gil-Galad.
Sometimes Maglor tells him he wants to work with Glorfindel on his music just to give Elrond an excuse to go be with his erstwhile spouse. Thankfully no one in Valinor says anything about their relationship -- all the elves here figured it out on their own simply by virtue of Gil-Galad building an enormous, beautiful city just for Elrond.
Also, the library is huge. Gil-Galad even sent scribes of his own to copy books for Elrond, and commissioned others. So that when he arrived he'd have more books than just the ones he took over the sea.
It's strange to think he was so ill for so long in Elrond's care. He knows it's true and yet it's hard to imagine. Glorfindel helped him as Elrond literally tried to spoon feed him. Maglor has blurry impressions instead of memories of that time. He always knew he was safe there, so he didn't fight back.
He could sense Elrond somehow, even though he was out of his mind.
He remembers feeling good, and being confused by it. He knew Elrond made his head feel good, [and everything else], which he now understands was a result of him cutting his gnarled hair off and washing his scalp. He would put small damp, warm cloths on him once in a while to wash him, and he'd wash his shorn hair and comb it, and caress his scalp, his skin. It felt nice.
He remembers how Elrond gently would touch his arm or leg through his many soft, warm blankets. He liked that.
Elrond often tried to calm him when he hallucinated or got lost in his mind [lost in no good places, unfortunately]. Glorfindel would gently hold him down, he grasps now, while Elrond would talk to him, and pet his skin lightly to soothe him. He would give him medicine to relax him.
He's become quite close to Glorfindel, actually, over all these years. He's very interesting to talk to, very unique. Many elves are simple and boring, prideful, but he has this inexhaustible spark of life in him. He's funny, too, and flirts with everyone, flattering them all. Well everyone except for Elrond and Maglor. He is more respectful with them, actually it's more like he's just more honest than anything else.
Glorfindel teases Gil-Galad all the time about his focus and interest in Elrond, but he just shrugs and smiles and doesn't care. Both when Elrond is there and when he's not.
Maglor likes that about him. ... And also the whole part where he let Elrond and his brother come to his court after Maglor 'gave them up'. It had been a hard conversation, but the children needed to go to the real world and not live in some outlaw castle with the outcast enemies of all elves. They needed to be accepted into the normal elf royalty's court.
Maglor had taken pains to speak to them with the outsider Quenya accent, and also had them learn high, polished Sindarin. [And other tongues, but still.] This way they would fit in more easily when they eventually left them and joined the rest of the elven world. He had counseled both of them to tell Gil-Galad they had been kept as hostages and had been now given up because they would not join the Feanorean cause.
He had also learned of their non-Feanorean culture, and made sure to have the twins act it out with him. He himself spoke to them in the 'bad' Quenya, and also Sindarin all the time. That way they were fluent in both, and had grown up hearing their 'closest' adult presence speaking the 'right' way. Then he learned and taught them Westron.
To Maglor's surprise, all of his family's supporters that were with them were upset to see the boys go. They were practically like their own little royal children, in their world. It had killed him to have them go. He could barely say goodbye, he had wept so much.
Gil-Galad is a good partner for Elrond, he thinks. He's low key, strong, gentle, kind, he doesn't try to demand all his time or be with him constantly. He knows Elrond's interests. And he knows about Maglor, obviously. Elrond told him that Gil-Galad is aware of the truth of their own relationship; ie that Elrond was never an actual hostage.
Maglor had been disappointed when they saw the silmaril fly up into the sky with Elwing, far in the distance as they approached her tower -- but later thrilled, after they had found the boys, that is. Because that meant they wouldn't have to give them up. He was already attached after just a few hours. The only trade that could be made for the boys was a silmaril. So now he could keep the two children.
He had never before thought about wanting to be a parent, or about children at all, but the boys had woken that desire in him, and more importantly the desire to be good. To claw back his soul. To return to the light, to stop killing.
And later when they took on Eonwe, they could of course have tried to trade the boys for the jewels -- but he wouldn't allow it, even if it had been possible. He had already given them up to Gil-Galad at that point on purpose.
Elrond and Elros' mere presence had kept great pain from Maglor at the time, and without them to constantly focus on he'd slipped right back into the soul crushing depths of the oath, and his horrible fate, and his self-hatred. It had felt like his guts were in a vice. And it only got worse, and worse, and worse.
His mother asks him many questions about Elrond in her letters. He tells her vague things about him, things anyone would say -- he's very wise, a great healer, very kind. Maglor loves his mother but cannot give anything up about his own child. Their bond is too great. He cannot betray him, and he knows Elrond would not do that to him, either, though he does not deserve the loyalty like he does.
He has no problem staying in this new-Rivendell and not going out into the rest of Aman. He has no right to even be here; he only came for Elrond, who desired him to be with him and live in this place as middle earth became uninhabitable for elves. Thankfully the land itself does not hurt him, despite being hallowed.
He doesn't want to find out if any other areas would burn or affect him. Better to play it safe.
Besides, he likes it here. He has his harps and books, and Elrond and his little friends [he can't stop thinking of Elrond as his child, so his friends are necessarily his 'friends who are similarly children', except for Glorfindel]. Even Frodo is good company, though Maglor still avoids Bilbo. Old habits.
He assumes that Frodo and Bilbo don't know who he really is; they both have always only known him as Lindir.
Actually Frodo figures it out, Maglor realizes, when he tells him one time when they're alone that, "Your name is well chosen."
Maglor blinks at this, looking up from the song he's working on. He often sketches them out in his journals first and then afterwards plays them out. He is still careful to not put any power into his voice.
He looks at the halfing of such renown silently. "I haven't told Bilbo, I don't think he will figure it out," Frodo adds. "I won't say anything to anyone. Lord Elrond loves you very much. So you must be good. ... I assume you don't want to talk about ... all those famous things."
He wrinkles his nose. If there's one thing he's not, it's 'good'. By any definition.
"It was kind of you to be good to Lord Elrond when he was so little, despite the ... circumstances back then," Frodo continues. That's when Maglor realizes he really knows.
He doesn't know what to say. He just continues to stare at Frodo, uneasily.
"I assume you don't want to talk about any of it," he says, and Maglor nods a little. "I understand, I don't like to talk about the quest, but that's all the elves want to know about."
"Elrond can tell the others that you don't want to speak of it," Maglor tells him. It's disgusting to think such a hero as the ring bearer himself should have to feel any discomfort in Valinar due to the elves.
"I would like that," Frodo says. "It just felt so strange to know, and you not know that I know."
Maglor shrugs. "I am a very boring person, no one special," he says, and winks at Frodo. "But I am good at the harp."
Frodo smiles back. "I do love to hear your music, truly you must be better than Daeron, instead of the other way around, as they say," he admits, and Maglor nods in recognition of the compliment. He has gotten very good at playing the harp one-handed, though he sometimes uses his other hand too.
"I am pleased to play for you, whatever you would like to hear," he tells him. "Though I do like to avoid certain songs, as you can imagine. ... Covering a wide variety of topics. And of course I wouldn't want Elrond to feel uncomfortable, so I avoid certain things because of that, too."
"I have told Bilbo before that he shouldn't mention any songs about Lord Elrond's father," Frodo says in an undertone. "I wouldn't like that the other way around, for me I mean. My parents died when I was young."
Maglor didn't know that. "Bilbo took me in, he's my uncle," he adds upon seeing his look of surprise. "Sometimes I talk about it with Lord Elrond, other people don't understand."
He nods. Of course Elrond has to deal with 'both' sets of parents now. Except for the dead one [Maglor's brother], but he was not a true parent to him like Maglor was. Maglor tries not to think about his family, to be honest. He's afraid he'll get lost in anger, or worse, sadness and depression and despair.
It's hard to even think of the names of his brother [well, all of them, actually] and mother because of how painful it all has been. And is.
He can feel the undying lands affecting him, healing him slightly more. He still has to wear heavy clothes, though. His many years freezing outside while weighing almost nothing have made it hard for him to get warm. Very hard. Elrond has his people always light fires in their rooms to make it easier for him, even in the summer.
Glorfindel actually always hands him random hot water bottles, apparently thinking he's cold at all times. It's not constant, but almost constant -- but Maglor doesn't say anything because it's nice of him.
Weirdly, Glorfindel does not return to his own people after they are safely settled in Aman. He stays with Elrond. Eventually after a very long time Maglor finally asks him privately if he has to stay with them to keep himself under guard [he is a kinslayer, after all].
But Glorfindel looks confused and says no. "If you needed a guard, the Valar wouldn't have let you come here in the first place," he says.
"Then why haven't you gone back to everyone you knew before?" he asks.
Glorfindel sighs a little and looks glum. "I just want to start fresh," he admits, to Maglor's surprise.
"But everyone loves you," Maglor assures him. It makes sense for Maglor to think that, but for him?! It makes no sense.
"But I don't always want to be me, be famous," Glorfindel explains. "Sometimes I want to act unlike me. But everyone expects me to be a certain way, the fun hero. It's like I have to be that. With Elrond I can just be my real self, here. If I want to read all day, no one acts like it's weird. If I want to be terrible at the harp, you don't say anything. No one does. I get to try new things. ... I'm not the same me that lived before, living a second time changed me."
He nods. Glorfindel talks to him all the time in this vein after this. He weirdly has always liked to spend time with him. Maglor can't imagine what the draw is. They have nothing in common except being from the first age.
Glorfindel is a pure hero; Maglor a pure villain.
Maglor slowly gets used to living in Valinor. He stays in Elrond's house, which is very large. There are other big houses in this new Rivendell, one for Gil-Galad, and others as well. There are areas for Frodo and his uncle to live in their strange half-under earth houses, and giant libraries and healing rooms. Gil-Galad truly tried to recreate Imladris here for Elrond, knowing how much he thought it was perfectly designed.
Nowadays he isn't with someone constantly, it's okay for him to be alone in Elrond's rooms working on some music in one of his sketchbooks, he doesn't mind. Of course this is then fate's perfect time to fuck him over, he should have realized.
An ill looking lady elf opens the door to his room and peeks in.
"Hello," he says, looking up from his music book. He has several harps and lyres laying by him in case he wants to check what he's writing manually. It's unusual for someone to come to his room, but they might in an emergency. It's really Elrond's room anyway, so people might come there for him. "Are you looking for Lord Elrond or Glorfindel? Or King Gil-Galad?"
For all he says he doesn't want to be a king anymore, they all call him that. Nobody cares that he wants them to forget it. They can all tell he likes it, not because of the power part of it but because of the kindness of the people recognizing him as ceremonially special for what he did in the past.
The woman shakes her head. She walks into the room and shuts the door. He looks at her, confused. This must be one of Gil-Galad's people, one of those he doesn't know. He only knows the Rivendell people. "Are you not feeling well? I can fetch a healer, my lady, and send for Lord Elrond."
He can't imagine someone feeling so ill they make a beeline to Elrond's rooms instead of going to the healing house for immediate relief and attention.
"I wanted to see if you would take this, if you saw it," she whispers, and takes something out of her pocket.
Then he realizes what's going on. He gasps in fear.
Elwing has broken into where they live, which is supposed to be barred to outsiders. And she's brought the silmaril. He turns his head away as he begins to see the bright light of it and he feels nothing other than great anxiety and terror.
That is, he doesn't feel the urge to take it or slay her, which is great.
But this is too much. He cannot be near her or the jewel. There's no way this ends well, even if he doesn't feel a compulsion to reclaim it. Instead he feels a compulsion to do anything necessary to get away from it.
He throws himself towards the balcony of his room, knocking down a lot of stuff, and runs off of it, falling down into the river below. He has experience being in the sea, because he used to try to drown all the time in middle earth.
He regains consciousness on the bank of the river, which is another thing he's used to. He's soaking wet, but the water is not ice cold, so it's not too bad. It was pretty shockingly cold, though.
Everything hurts, the impact of hitting the water from so high up was painful. At least he hasn't drowned, he thinks. Is that even possible here? Would the water throw him back like before or no? Did it here? He stops thinking about it, it's not a fun topic.
He lays there for a while, hoping the pain recedes. It's been a while since he's been in such physical pain, and he feels frozen, it's rather immobilizing. Maglor rests for a while, trying to exist through it.
Suddenly he realizes that Glorfindel is there, picking him up. Where'd he come from?
Well, that's good, he thinks. He's so strong he makes normal elves look like halflings in terms of strength. "Try to taste this sweet," he tells Maglor quietly, and puts a small, thin, square lollipop in his mouth.
This is a common form of giving people pain relief that Elrond invented. The flavor of the candy masks the medicine taste and it's easier for people to suck on a hard candy on a stick than it is to drink or chew if they are ill. He obligingly tastes it and finds himself next waking up in Elrond's rooms.
They have a bed for him in Elrond's room in case he's ill again, that way it's easier for Elrond to take care of him. Elrond is, as one would think, there.
"Hmm," he says, trying to let him know he's awake. And okay.
Well, it still hurts, but it's not too bad. And he's in a warm bed, so at least there's that. Elrond doesn't like it when he's not okay. He knows Elrond wants him hale and complaining about some line in a song he's working on while Glorfindel tells him 'who cares, nobody cares about songs', and then he glares at him, a little affronted.
Sometimes he forgets to be little Lindir and says what he's actually thinking. Then they bicker, but playfully; it's something he enjoys.
Elrond knows Maglor will do it [try to stay alive, most of the time] for him because he owes him that [and a lot more], obviously ... see as a reference: history.
Also because he has always done things for him, his whole life; Elrond is used to that. When he had woken up after he was rescued, Elrond had told him, "I just want you to live and be well, and have a pudding, if you want one."
They don't talk about Elros most of the time. Maglor tries not to, at least, but sometimes he forgets. Elrond has extreme feelings about his choice to be mortal -- mostly anger, some jealousy, a lot of bitterness. He gets it. He still can't believe his brother jumped into a volcano.
Well, he can, because he was not well in many ways, but still. It's hard to believe that that happened, even more than trying to believe that their whole lives happened.
"How is the pain?" Elrond asks him, coming closer and sitting on the edge of his bed.
"Not much," Maglor says. "Just cold."
Sometimes it seems like nothing will make him feel warm; this is one of those times. They've gotten rarer as time goes on.
"I shy from adding more heat now to your bed," Elrond explains, looking sorry for him. "I don't want to ... overdo it."
Maglor immediately thinks 'boil you' was what he was going to say; but of course they try not to reference the whole lava/volcano thing for a few reasons.
He nods. They sit there for a minute, just looking at each other. Finally Maglor decides to ask. "Glorfindel found me?"
"Yes," Elrond confirms. "Elwing confessed what she had done to Gil-Galad apparently right afterwards. He sent for a page to tell Glorfindel and me, and we went to look for you. ... Obviously she's been banned from coming to the city again after this. She claimed she merely showed it to you, is that true?"
Maglor tells him what happened. "She came in and I thought she was looking for you, or for a healer. I didn't recognize her, she didn't answer my questions. Then she took it out of her pocket. I did not yearn for it, which is a relief," he says, sighing with pleasure at his release from being so bound to those terrible jewels. Elrond looks shocked and happy for him, too. "I ran off the balcony to get away from her. From it. It was such a shock. ... Maybe she wanted to get revenge," he adds, a little lightly. "We made her jump; and now I have. A poor imitation though. Hers, in her lifetime back then, was worse."
"I do not like her doing this," Elrond tells him quietly, and he can sense how angry he is at his mother. "What if you had felt something; what then, another kinslaying? With her trying to provoke it? It's insane. A cycle of death like that will be endless. It will never stop."
Maglor hmms, thinking. "Did she say why she did it? Was it just revenge?"
He shrugs. "Gil-Galad said she kept insisting she just wanted to 'see' you. I wonder if she thought talking to you would heal her, or make her feel better. I don't know. I can't believe she didn't talk to any of us about it. Gil-Galad said Earendil looked like he couldn't believe it, at least, so it's only one of them that's crazy."
"You deserve normal parents," Maglor says, almost ruefully amused. "Your father seems okay, and I'm at least mostly sane now."
Elrond smiles at him.
"How is your hand," Elrond asks, and they talk about it. It feels a little odd after his fall; Elrond examines it gently. Maglor still doesn't like it used or touched or even seen. But he can tolerate it from his little darling, that is not hard.
"I don't think it is her fault," Maglor tells him.
Elrond gives him a questioning look.
"If that had happened to me, I don't know what I'd do," Maglor says. "If I'd been the good one, and you and your brother were my real children. And all that over some trinkets. Don't forget her early life; she lived through the other kinslaying. Maybe it has made her paranoid, hysterical, that type of thing. It might have pushed her over the edge, knowing an instigator of the ruin of her life was here in Valinor, and near you, too."
He considers this.
"I see your point," Elrond allows. "It's just so annoying to have to deal with endless problems because of my bloodline, my parents." He rolls his eyes, making Maglor smile inside even as he empathizes. "And then this. It's never about me. It's always about something else. Even now, so many years later. I'm something to cast aside at will. Something else is always more important. The stone, revenge, it's all the same."
Maglor puts out his good hand and Elrond clasps it in his own. Maglor and his brother were guilty of this too, of course. Everyone in Elrond's life has betrayed him except Glorfindel, practically.
They've talked about things like this many times before; when he was a little boy, when a young adult, after he cured Maglor, after they got to Valinor.
"I feel that way about my father," Maglor tells him, which he knows already too. Maglor has shared with him before about how he feels about a long list of topics many times:
-the kinslayings
-how it felt/feels to have killed and know he killed elves ... especially those that were innocent [and also the 'guilty']
-Elrond's real parents
-the jewels
-his father, his mother, his brothers
-the other, lost children they were horrified to learn had been left to die, Elwing's brothers
-his own fate
-his ruined hand
-how that affects his music
-the 'words' [he won't use the word oath, no one says it in front of him]
-what the world/area was like when he was young
-what the two trees looked like
-what the twins were like when young
-what it was like when he found them by the waterfall
-recently: what it's like to be crazy
"It's like their stories are more important than mine," Maglor adds. "I want to get to have my life without their influence, their desires. I just wanted to be a harpist."
"Yes, exactly," Elrond agrees. "Middle earth was all war, I know, but at least there my life was more removed from everyone else's story. Now we have to live here, and put up with all this forever."
He squeezes his hand. Fate has done all ill-turns to Elrond. He cannot escape the infamy and crimes of his foster-father [who he publicly keeps in his house], or the famous abandonment twice over of his real parents [first Earendil always out sailing, and then going off to the Valar; then Elwing leaving them].
Maglor had often wondered if the twins horrible lives had pushed Elros toward seeking an end, a new adventure, a departure from the world of elves and of abandonment.
"I am a little luckier," Maglor jokes wanly, and Elrond gives him a surprised look. Actually, he always has feelings of melancholy about the fact that his family is banished forever to Mandos, or worse. It's lonely. At least his father or brothers would understand how he feels, he thinks. Maybe.
He has often thought of how Elwing tried to die, like Maedhros actually did, both jumping. Not that he's said that to Elrond, of course. He still can't believe she abandoned her children. If it had been him with a stolen jewel he'd have given it up to save his city. To save his dear ones. Having been the twins' 'father' when they were young especially, he can't imagine having them as his own children and then allowing a city to burn and his children put to death for any reason.
"Are you still cold," he asks him, and Maglor nods. Elrond considers their options.
"I hesitate to have you drink hot liquids too much, but perhaps gently warm ones are the best course of action here," Elrond finally says, and sets it up so they are warmed for him by Glorfindel. Maglor knows they all just don't trust other people when it comes to having an opportunity to poison a kinslayer.
He knows Elrond is going to have to go talk to his parents, out of anger and outrage probably. So when he says, "I'm going to go out for a little bit," he knows exactly what he's doing.
"Think of me, when they speak strongly," Maglor tells him. "I would never forgive and forget if I thought someone hurt you, or took you from me."
Elrond accepts this, and touches his shoulder. Well, rather he touches above where it is deep down buried under all his blankets. Glorfindel waves goodbye to him, as he's just come in to replace him, and Elrond finally leaves.
"What would it please you to do?" he asks Maglor. "Shall you correct my harp playing? Or I could tell you ideas I had for new songs."
More like 'attempts' at playing, Glorfindel is terrible. Maglor smiles at him and says, "Get a piece of parchment, let's brainstorm some topics for songs."
Glorfindel always enjoys that, and Maglor likes the help. He's oddly into being creative for a person so bent on living up to his reputation of being an infamous great warrior -- and great partier. He always tries to get Maglor to go to Rivendell's feasts but he's not interested. He has little energy and none at all for hearing the young minstrels try to sing.
It's not their fault, he just hates subpar music. It's so obnoxious to listen to. Once, after hearing a poorly done song in the distance, he told Elrond he was sure the city's singers were there by the Valar's design to punish him for his crimes with their musical mediocrity, making him laugh.
Elrond comes back in the middle of the night. Both of them stay up without saying anything about it; for him to tarry this long means nothing good. Maglor hopes he has been merciful to them, not that he has a say. But it pains him to think he stole such good children from their parents.
He and Elrond have a deep, intense bond that spans different roles and time periods. It's complicated. He doesn't want him to choose his real parents and banish Maglor, but on the other hand he knows it's hurtful to them for him to love Maglor more.
But then on the third artificial hand, how could he not, he doesn't even know his real parents.
He looks exhausted when he returns. Glorfindel bids him sleep out of pure concern, echoing Maglor's thoughts.
Elrond tells them dully, "They are both gone to the healing forest. I spoke with them at length -- the valar and their lives have hurt both of them too much. And they were too young for marriage in the first place, much less children. I hope they stay there for a long time, they will need it."
This pronouncement has a grim tone. Thankfully Glorfindel can always be relied upon to ask questions.
"Is that not good, for them to heal? A good outcome," he asks rhetorically, and Elrond shrugs and lays down beside Maglor on his bed of a thousand blankets and hot water bottles. Maglor presses his good hand against his through the quilts.
He stares at the ceiling and presses back against Maglor's hand. "They have been languishing here. They need extensive help. At least I am free of them, for now," Elrond says.
Glorfindel stays with them, waiting until Elrond goes to sleep. Maglor is exhausted and disquieted and in pain but cannot sleep, so he gives Glorfindel a mental request for his medication, and he gives it to him. All silently, so they don't disturb Elrond's rest.
He's always been pro-Elrond's friends. The boy is very reticent with others, all but Gil-Galad [recently in Valinor and he's told in the past as well], and Glorfindel [as he's seen with his own eyes]. Maglor especially approves of Glorfindel, who likes to have fun with Elrond. They would do odd things around Imladris together once in a while, dressed in old rags. They'd come back inside eventually, laughing and with leaves in their hair. They were like two young kids playing, really.
Except for the part where Glorfindel is extremely old and Elrond is no child anymore.
Every year Elrond gives him a little cake to celebrate the day he came back and Elrond found him after his vision. Maglor thinks Glorfindel likes it, it's like an extra birthday for him.
'Lindir' likes how Glorfindel is a substitute brother for him, and a protector. Also, he likes how he treats him -- and Maglor, too. He clearly finds Maglor to be unusual and odd, but he doesn't say anything about it. Elrond's love for him precludes it. He treats him like an old friend, but also with special respect, out of respect for Elrond really.
He asks Glorfindel what he thinks of Gil-Galad, and he says he's alright. That he is a 'good friend' to Elrond.
Unfortunately, Elwing showing him the silmaril resulted in effects his health. He can't stop shaking [he has fits of it, almost, once in a while] unless he is medicated, he can't get up for long, he can't eat.
It's like his body is reacting in fear, somehow remembering how it was insane before. Seeing the silmaril has struck terror into him, as a separate thing, too. Emotionally, mentally, he's messed up and his body is too.
Glorfindel lingers by him in Elrond's rooms, trying to help him. Mostly Maglor just rests with his eyes closed. He doesn't mind him being there. Elrond is in and out, because Gil-Galad is understandably upset with his real parents for breaking the rules, and acting crazy.
So now he [with Elrond] has to figure out what to do about them. They have a lot of time to decide as the two of them are traveling to the gardens of Lorien.
Gil-Galad is the ruler of this new Rivendell, though really he and Elrond work as a team. Elrond just refuses to be named co-lord. He's told Maglor that he successfully avoided getting the high kingship pinned on him after Gil-Galad's death before and he'll be damned if he gets saddled with official responsibility now in heaven. "This is endless vacation," he'd said determinedly. "It's Valinor. We're supposed to just eat desserts and listen to songs here, that's it."
Maglor had smiled to hear it. Of course he thinks that, he's a child that lived in middle earth. All the elves actually from Valinor and the first age know it's also a place of death and violence. ... He should know, after all.
Glorfindel eventually tells him about his pardon, randomly one day while Maglor is working on some songs. He blinks, shocked, as Glorfindel says, "I'm jealous of you, you know. It's not personal. But I always wonder if Elrond and Galadriel would go talk to the Valar on my behalf."
"What?" he says, confused.
"When we got here," Glorfindel elucidates. "He and Galadriel went and asked for the Valar to announce you were pardoned, all that. And to say no one could act against you, for you had already paid. The only restriction was that you couldn't fight or kill unless it unless you were being attacked unprovoked."
Gil-Galad allows Maglor to live here with Elrond, which he likes. Of course, he probably thinks Elrond wouldn't pick him if it came down to it. Maglor's sure he would, but it's not flattering, it's due to the trauma of his life ... which is Maglor's fault. So it's more self-hate inducing instead of flattering, sadly.
Maglor gets a letter from Frodo, but it's addressed to Frodo -- oh wait, which is actually from Earendil [addressed to the halfing as a ruse], asking Frodo to ask Maglor if he could write down or verbally tell him about Elrond and Elros' childhood. Because he's too afraid to ask Elrond, he admits. Frodo brings him the letter.
He says he's afraid Elrond will say he doesn't deserve to know the children he left behind. But that he wants to know, even if it's sad that the stories aren't of him as the father. And are of ... who they include. Ie the Feanoreans.
Maglor is so horrified by the letter being sent to him, without insult, even, that he absently tells Glorfindel that yes, he'll write an epic song about him [when he asks for the zillionth time.]
Glorfindel jerks in shock and chortles in deranged glee as Maglor puts his good hand to his face, realizing that's not even the worst thing happening today. The worst will be having Elrond read the letter.
Indeed, Elrond is furious. He doesn't say anything at all, just sits there, angry. Glorfindel even doesn't ask him what's up, that's how incensed he seems -- a rare occasion on both counts. It's funny to see them be so close, because Glorfindel is about twice the size, or more, of Elrond.
It's sad to see it too, because it sometimes makes him think of how it should be Elros. [Well, Glorfindel could be a third to their duo, in that case.] Elros should be here with Elrond. Instead he chose to die and leave them all forever. He abandoned his brother, his real parents, and Maglor [not that that counts]; he doesn't think he counts, he is not that arrogant ... though yes, it still hurts his feelings, despite it.
Elrond finally says, "I want to watch you go shopping," to Glorfindel, who says oooo.
"Really? Let's go then," Glorfindel adds, pleased. He looks like he's drunk with excitement and they've not even left or started yet.
Maglor is sure he just wants to get out of his head. Watching the spectacle that is Glorfindel going shopping is sure to distract anyone. He has to examine everything up close, talk forever about colors and outfit creation, and then buy things -- and then come back and model his new stuff. It's a long, complex event. It's funny that such a huge, strong, glowing with power, famous elf is into fashion to this level, Maglor thinks. But then it's been a long time since his youth when that was common.
Elves didn't do this in middle Earth, not even Artanis.
Gil-Galad kindly comes at Elrond's request to sit with Maglor when they are gone. By unspoken decree, either Elrond, him or Glorfindel is with him almost all the time. For his safety and for everyone else's safety [and peace of mind.]
He's still a kinslayer, and his powerful voice and music make him extremely dangerous. Also, he was good at fighting, if he says so himself. But he's a monster, so he wouldn't say it.
Eventually the two of them come back, laden with bags of Glorfindel's new things and also food they got. Maglor tries some little sweets with Elrond while Glorfindel models everything for them and asks them for opinions. He has to go get new clothes on for each thing he bought, it has to be 'cohesive visually' they're told, which makes Elrond laugh.
He still can't really eat well, but he can suck on some sweets and spit them out. He doesn't mind, it's nice to be included in the first place. Elrond of course can actually eat; as a half-elf, he has to eat more than a pure-blooded full elf. But as a part-maia, he can go days without eating or sleeping if he wants. He has to choose to draw on that power though, and only does that in an emergency.
Being in Aman is nice, especially since no one can come see him. His relatives send him letters. He reads them but doesn't write back.
What's there to say?
Also, he's still in pain. Yes, it's soothed a bit by being in such hallowed ground, but Maglor is the most cursed elf of probably almost any to live. His hand hurts sometimes. He cries still sometimes, uncontrollably. He gets nervous; or depressed; or has no energy; or feels he cannot eat.
The funny part is, he knows this is literally the best case scenario. He's not dead, not tortured, not starving. He lives in luxury in his foster [stolen, though, can you really call that foster?] son's beautiful city, that his kingly admirer built for him after being re-embodied while waiting for him to cross the sea.
He actually couldn't live in more opulence. It's kind of gross, to be honest, because he knows that his crimes necessitate the opposite. Who wouldn't be disgusted to see him live like this? His victims would be repulsed.
But at the same time he likes his life now. He likes having pudding with Elrond, working on songs just for fun [not for power or war], enjoying Glorfindel's liveliness.
One day Elrond tells him about how it feels so strange to be here. "It's eerie, to be so worthless here," he says, to Maglor's surprise. "At home I was important, in a way. I was a healer."
"You still are a healer," he points out, but Elrond shakes his head.
"Not compared to the real healers here, the maiar. Here I am no one. An eternal child. Here there are real historians. I am just a random child that was abandoned. I don't know the people I would have met, if my mother hadn't let a city burn for a shiny rock," he says bitterly. "That life is lost forever. I have no connection to this place or these people. It's like we're visiting some other realm that's very pretty. And there's nothing to do."
"You don't like it here," Maglor says, as a statement or recognition of it, kind of shocked despite himself.
Elrond shrugs. "This isn't what my life was like. This is something else. I do like that it's vacation, but it gets tiring to never have to do anything other than deal with my parents, or with letters. ... At least Gil-Galad made me this place. I can feel like I'm at home and pretend we're still there, except it's peaceful."
"What was it like when you first saw this place? Were you shocked?" Maglor asks him.
Elrond hmms.
"Yes, I was," he admits. "Gil-Galad looked so happy at how astonished we all were. Glorfindel bellowed at him, saying he was going to make us all get confused and we'd forget which side of the world we were on. Everyone laughed."
Later on, he tells Elrond that his mother wants to come visit again. "Do you want me there?" he asks.
"Yes, you make it easier," Maglor explains.
"But I just sit there," he says, still confused.
"That's the point," Maglor laughs. "We are both nervous, so having you there makes us feel better. And we could always ask you to talk if it all suddenly felt like too much to us. My mother likes you. You're her secret stolen grandchild that we can't claim in public."
Elrond looked amused at this. "She said she likes having one here, that it's like she got extra family members back," he adds.
"She seems very powerful," Elrond says, to his surprise. He's never thought of his mother that way. She is much diminished to what she was before, actually. She looks weaker, older, sadder. ... Probably like he does, although he knows he looks like he was dead, so way worse.
In some letters, she's told Maglor she feels very much at Elrond's service and in his debt eternally, because he saved him and brought him over the sea to her. He doesn't tell her that he's sure Elrond would have done the same if she hadn't been here. Elrond doesn't seem to think they need to talk at all, because he's that type of person -- he does great good and it's just another day for him.
Maglor can see Frodo feels greatly in his debt as well.
"Can you grab the quill in that chest there, we should start planning for this year's holidays," he adds, and Maglor steps over to fetch it.
"I wonder if the old holidays are still the only ones that people celebrate here," Maglor says, thinking out loud. "I remember -- "
Then he stops talking. In the chest there's some of the jewels made by his father. He'd given everything they had to the boys when he sent them to Gil-Galad's court. They couldn't decide if the boys should say they 'escaped' or that they were 'banished' since they wouldn't join their cause. Ruses, of course, to allow them to be accepted in normal Elvish society.
It's strange, he hates his father and loves him. He's angry but he forgives him. He misses him but never wants to see him again. It's eerie to see his handiwork after so long; he'd assumed the boys would sell these pieces for gold. That was the point of course. They'd given them all their precious things. And Maglor had given them his soul, his goodness, his love. When they'd left, he'd had nothing left. And then after their next kinslaying and getting the jewels, he'd gone crazy.
But no, he kept it all, it seems.
Elrond walks over after he cuts off his sentence and sees what's surprised him. "Oh, these. Your things. I kept them for you, I knew you'd want them later. Elros gave me his, so I could keep them for you until you got back."
He weeps, and Elrond holds him.
After he gets it together, and steps back, Elrond opens a different smaller chest and grabs a writing utensil.
Oh. ... That was the box he meant.
Maglor lays down in pure tiredness. He always feels exhausted after being sad. Well, sometimes he feels tired for no reason, too.
Other times he cannot rest or indulge in the elven version of sleep because he keeps thinking of the many he slew. Of the blood. Of what he's done.
It's a long list once he gets started thinking about it.
Elrond sits beside him and starts listing out holidays and what they should plan for them. Maglor always likes when they're together. He's even taken a shine to Glorfindel a little, who doesn't seem to mind that he's a kinslayer for some reason.
-------------------------
On the list is Glorfindel's birthday, the founding of Imladris day, -- well the 'founding of this new Imladris' day has to take over for that, now, and all the usual seasonal ones [they were celebrated in Gondolin too so they must have Glorfindel plan things to echo his own culture]:
-Nost-na-Lothion [spring festival]
-Tarnin Austa [summer festival]
-Turuhalmë [winter festival]
All of the other special days, like Maglor's birthday, and on, are private. Glorfindel's is a city wide celebration to honor him.
Elrond's birthday is unknown because he was kidnapped. Maglor had think fast and make up a birthday for the boys when they were old enough to ask when they were going to have some birthday sweets, having seen others wished the same while growing up with the Feanoreans.
Thankfully Elrond had asked Maglor about it before he sent them to Gil-Galad, and learned that it was all invented out of kindness for him. ... He kept that birthday date, regardless.
He dashes off a letter to his father asking a few details like that. [He's going to insist he gets two birthdays now, literally; he doesn't care that it's weird.]
He also asks what his parents were going to name them [the father name and the mother name]. His father tells him when he was born, and then tells him they hadn't really thought of their names yet.
... Ugh.
Though his father isn't always disappointing. He did let him touch the silmaril to break the oath. And in general he does seem to be trying.
It was interesting to look at in a way, but also he hates the silmaril for obvious reason. Everyone picks it over him. A child's thoughts and feelings, yes, but it doesn't change the part of him that knows that is true.
Elrond just often feels a grimace come on when he sees their letters, that's all. He kind of wonders what his life would have been like if Elwing had gotten away with them, or given the rock over. Would she have been a good parent? Would they have had a good life or felt loved? He doesn't know.
He doubts it though. [Elros always said it was lucky Maglor had taken them.]
Would his father have been there if he could have, or would he have just wanted to go sail constantly for his own pleasure?
At least the killer that picked him after sacking their city made him feel loved. Maglor is not perfect, [understatement], but he did give them amazing lives in every way that he could. They were taught by experts of every field and craft; they knew everything about fighting, evasion, escape, surviving. They felt cherished and loved and respected.
He tried to make things special for them. He loved them so much, it was obvious even to them. He gave them a lot of autonomy, but also was a parent when they needed one. He truly was their friend slash 'mother'.
He played them songs to sleep. He kissed their little bruises. Even as they got much, much older, he still wanted to do all that. And he did. They let him, because it was very nice to be kissed on the forehead and hugged and coddled. [He also had them educated to the highest level of probably any elves anywhere.]
Also, eventually it seemed more like Maglor needed it than they actually did. He was so desperate for love, for goodness. His soul craved something positive. They were both gentle with him, seeing his obvious suffering; but Elros never loved the Feanorean brothers as much as Elrond did.
He never cared for elves.
Elrond felt sadness for them, and kindness. Despite their evil, they both clearly wanted to do good. And even Maehdros tried to be nice when he was not ill. He'd give them a flower, or a book.
Elros took it all harder, he thinks. He's sure that's what partially led him to make his choice. He was tired of being angry and sad -- all elves ever did was make them feel different, pitied. Elrond feels tired of elves too, but not enough to seek oblivion and know he'll never see anyone he knows again. Elros was just more fragile then him.
Though he's wondered if really it's just that Elros was smarter than him.
Earendil sends him a letter asking if he can meet Maglor's mother. He says they've never spoken to her, and she stays in her house all alone. And that she's not socialized since the oath, so long ago.
He says Elwing wants to say hello to her too, but they don't want to do it if she wouldn't like it. Earendil writes,
I'm tired of wondering. To be honest I would like to meet Maglor too. What do you think?
Elrond doesn't know. He waits a long while and finally tells Maglor, who is clearly so shocked by the strangeness of the concept he can barely wrap his head around it.
"Are you sure it's from your father?" he keeps asking.
He smiles at Maglor, who is currently letting Glorfindel make crude sketches of some of his old, priceless jewelry collection [the Feanor-made ones] that Elrond kept safe for him for all these years. Then Glorfindel is going to commission some Rivendell elves to make similar pieces for him, elves that have no connection in any way to the kinslayings.
Glorfindel had asked Maglor to show him the jewels, unwilling to touch anything. They all know it's a good idea, but he can tell it's hard for Maglor. To be so constantly seen, stained, as evil and bad. Elrond knows though that Glorfindel is actually just being respectful, thinking he wouldn't care to have his beloved dead father's creations manhandled by another elf.
These items are now priceless, for their beauty and also because of who made them. Love him or hate him, Feanor was the most talented in this type of work.
Glorfindel will have to change the designs by a lot so no one realizes they are Feanor-inspired. They all [the three of them] always try to ensure things like this for obvious reasons. It protects Maglor, [their secret hiding of him here], and also it's respectful to any of his victims.
Maglor tells him he will meet his father.
Finally the jewelry drawing is done, and Maglor comes back to his little bed by where Elrond is working. Glorfindel asks him if he can try to play -- or more like sound like a broken harp, since he's so unskilled -- and if Maglor will give him commentary. He says yes, and gets back under his blankets.
"Should I stop up my ears, or is he better now?" Elrond asks Maglor, just to get Glorfindel to cuss him out for it. It will distract Maglor from his feelings, too.
Maglor laughs, Glorfindel bitches at him, and then finally Glorfindel does try to play.
He gives him pointers from where he's laying on his pillow. It's kind of Glorfindel to do this, to try to soothe him after the reminder of his 'problem' status [especially with jewels] -- but also he does seem to truly like to spend time with Maglor. He's quite close to him, in a way. Elrond knows both of them well.
Glorfindel is very fond of him, despite his kinslaying history. During his terrible attempt at playing, Elrond suddenly starts coughing, to everyone's surprise.
It turns out you can get sick even in Valinor if you're half-elven and part-Maia.
Maglor fusses over him, reverting to before when he was young and ill. It had frightened both of the sons of Feanor greatly. Even now, Maglor loses it when he's not feeling well. Elrond understands, since elves are immune to illness. It's like a symptom of death to them, symbolically or something.
Glorfindel always just seems confused by it, and is convinced he must have physically hurt himself somehow and they just haven't figured out how or where.
Eventually Elrond brings Earendil inside new Imladris to meet Maglor. He deliberately always wears plain clothes with his real parents. No need to list to either side [or any lineage]. Strangely, Earendil looks nervous.
He takes him in to a room at the edge of his own space; Glorfindel is sitting in the room beside them, listening in. You never know if they'll need him to interfere, he thinks. Because Maglor won't hurt his father, except of course if his father maligns or hurts his own child.
Then all bets are off.
He can see Maglor losing control if that happens. Even Glorfindel has snapped at Elrond's real parents for their remarks. Elrond understands his parents have had a hard time, a difficult perspective. And yet, he also feels no sympathy for them. That's what you get when you leave someone.
They've reaped what they had sown. Their choices have consequences.
And yet he pities and loves them. Earendil nods respectfully when he sees Maglor in the room Elrond's chosen for this meeting, who bows to him politely.
"I am sorry, Lord, though it does nothing to say," Maglor says appropriately, somber. He understands if Earendil has to hit him, but Elrond will be angry if he does.
"No," Earendil says suddenly into the awkward quiet of the room, "I am sorry -- I do not think my wife meant evil; I think she could not control herself. I think she sought to soothe herself from her troubled state. Though I know it looks different to outside eyes."
Maglor nods.
He does not say anything because he can't say 'it was fine' [it's not in terms of Elrond and Gil-Galad's situations and feelings about/with laws and peace and all that], and he can't say 'it's okay, it was a just revenge' because nothing can make up for what he did, not even his own death.
Stealing Elrond and also his love is a very extensive, extreme crime. No one in elvendom is quite sure if there really is a good punishment for it. It's so big, it's too much to ever get satisfaction for. Also, it's just weird. It's not so clear cut as an obvious injury or theft or killing.
And when the main victim says it's not really a crime, then do the other lesser victims still get to pursue justice? And what is justice, if Elrond wants to keep Maglor with him, do others get to gainsay that?
Elrond of course is staying in the room with them. They can't risk anything.
No one says anything else. Elrond knows that Maglor is not going to speak unless he's told to.
" ... May I ask, what stayed your hand? With the boys," Earendil asks him.
Maglor looks surprised but tries to keep his expression still. "They were children," he says automatically.
"But ... that didn't make a difference in other cases," Earendil points out hesitantly. Maglor blanches.
"I was not involved in those instances," he explains. "Elrond was the only child I saw, personally."
He does not mention Elros, for that is a fraught subject. His real parents will never know him. He is gone forever. Earendil rarely mentions him, and if he does by accident, he sobs for hours. Elrond has to try to comfort him, which feels weird. And also annoying, he's told Maglor before.
"Thank you for taking care of him -- them," Earendil corrects himself hastily. He sometimes seems to fear that Elrond will be angry when he speaks as if Elrond is his only child.
Maglor knows Elrond is very annoyed that his true father wants to see Maglor for himself.
Maglor nods.
"Do you want to hear more of my apology?" he asks Earendil, who looks almost fearful.
"No," he exclaims immediately.
What Earendil is afraid of, neither of them know. Maglor can always sense Elrond's feelings because he keeps their bond open. He's the one who taught him to practice his mental powers, though his eclipsed Maglor's, of course, due to his higher maiar blood. Their link is open, but their minds are closed to outsiders. Later, Galadriel helped teach Elrond even more.
"I wish we could be close," Earendil admits, which shocks both of them -- because he's talking to Maglor with that line, not Elrond.
Maglor stares at him with his mouth parted. "I tried to do something I thought was righteous and all it ended in was sorrow," Earendil elaborates. "I guess I feel we are similar, in some ways."
"You are a hero," Maglor tells him, bemused and confused, too. "I'm pretty sure we're opposites."
He almost laughs mentally, and Elrond can feel his amusement at these nonsensical words of his real father.
"I don't feel like one," his father says, looking like a sad, tall youth. "I feel like I have done worse than ... "
He trails off, looking a little abashed. They all know he meant to say 'a kinslayer'. It is a common, normal insult in Sindarin.
Maglor cannot speak for Elrond, so he reaches out mentally as if to ask him what he should say. He cannot say 'oh no, you're amazing' because Elrond sure doesn't feel that way. It's a secret that Elrond actually prefers Maglor's blunt, crazy, rambunctious family [which currently consists of his mother and him; and previously Neylo] to his fey, strange, true parents, who are nervous and melancholy people.
"You have not," Elrond interjects, and Maglor heaves a mental sigh of relief to himself. Thank goodness he jumped in. "We meet as friends now. But I do not mind having a new friend. I don't think any of us mind."
Earendil brightens. To be honest, for all his height and fame, he looks like a young boy. He looks at Maglor who nods, which seems to hearten him.
This is crazy, Maglor thinks. Why does he want Maglor as a friend of all people? It's truly insane, and he should know.
To everyone's shock, eventually Thranduil shows up in Aman. Elrond and Galadriel go to greet him with Legolas. The hobbits and Gimli stay home; thankfully the woodland king already knows of his son's fame and daring [in many, many areas].
To Maglor's surprise, Elrond's very excited to have him come. So is Glorfindel and Artanis.
Gil-Galad stays with him in Elrond's rooms while they're gone to greet him at the shore; he appreciates it. At this point it's not even only about protecting him, or everyone else, it's just nice not to be alone.
He's had centuries of being alone on the beach, mad. He likes company now.
It seems that Gil-Galad likes it as well, as he will sometimes mention to him if he thinks Elrond seems like he's tired or ill. Or he'll ask him about music. Sometimes he asks if he can hear a song, tentatively.
Maglor likes it.
Finally Elrond and co return, and they seem quite happy. "He hated it here before he put a foot on the shore!" Glorfindel tells Maglor gleefully. "What's not to love."
Elrond nods in agreement, pleased and windswept, and Maglor sees how it's different for them -- Valinor is not their home. It's some strange land of myth that they feel uncomfortable with. It is a place they don't want to be; they feel they have no choice. He wishes they liked it here, but at the same time he understands.
So the two of them often go off and enjoy spending time with Thranduil, even Artanis comes too, they say. Elrond hand delivers to Maglor a letter from her, and while he's nervous, he's okay.
He opens it. Elrond stays there in case he needs him, which is good of him. He knows how fragile Maglor is sometimes. Elrond was like that when he was growing up too, at times.
It reads
Cousin, I grow tired of the people here. I wish to form my own kingdom once more. Gil-Galad has forest land beyond the valley he re-created for Elrond. I would like to take my people and go resettle there. He has given me his leave. We will stop in Elrond's valley on the way, and I would speak with you, out of kinship, if you would. But if no, I will not be aggrieved or seek you out.
He relaxes a little. This isn't bad. He gives the letter to Elrond to read.
"She can speak to me," he tells Elrond. Really, what can she say at this point? It's all realities that he knows.
He's a monster? Yes, of course. He's taking advantage of Elrond? Obviously everyone will think that. ... It's not like that's ever been not true. His mere continued existence is proof of it, actually, since his love for Maglor inspired his attempt to find and then heal him. Elrond's been brainwashed by him somehow? Sure. Maybe that's intrinsically part of what love is, somehow.
Elrond writes back to her for him, saying yes.
When Artanis shows up, it's surprisingly quiet. She comes alone to Elrond's rooms, escorted by Glorfindel as a recognition of her greatness. Maglor is waiting in Elrond's inner rooms. He can sense her approach, her power is that great and bright.
Finally after she speaks to Elrond, she asks for him, and Elrond comes to fetch him. Maglor hesitantly steps out towards her, slower and slower. He hasn't spoken to others for so long. Well, he has as 'Lindir', but not as himself. At least he had unwilling practice with Elwing and her husband, he thinks grimly.
Artanis looks very tired at first glance. Elrond too is tired in general in a similar way, but she is far worse. Her eyes are filled with tears and she looks shocked and sad. "Cousin," she whispers.
He nods at her. She puts her hands out and shuffles over in a very inelegant way [especially for her], and hugs him gently. He is discomfited and in disbelief, but finally puts a hand on her waist lightly to show recognition and acceptance of her favor.
It's a big favor, after what he's done.
She finally steps back, and says, "I am pleased to see you." Then she leaves.
He blinks. Well, that was odd. At least it went well, he thinks, relieved. Elrond touches his arm, and he nods at him, to explain that he is okay, so he goes off after her. Maglor goes back into his rooms.
Later he returns. Maglor is working on some music, on paper. He's not going to play or sing until long after Artanis and her people leave tomorrow.
"Did you eat, I'm going to have some dinner sent up," Elrond says, and joins him in his room.
Maglor is happy he's back. He doesn't like change, or new people being around. "I haven't yet," he says, telling him the truth. He still rarely eats unless Elrond or Glorfindel try to make him by means of requesting it.
Elrond either eats with him or Gil-Galad mostly. Glorfindel eats with his Imladris soldiers [mostly Maglor's old Feanorean supporters] some of the time who seem to be the compatriots that he favors over everyone in Gondolin; the rest he's either with Elrond or Maglor.
"She was sad in general, I think," Elrond says, clearing talking about Artanis. "She is very tired, she used her's more than I did."
He waves his hand a little in a small flutter so that Maglor understands he's referring to their powerful rings.
"She said she was happy to see you, but sad to think on the past," Elrond adds, and he nods.
"It is the same for me," Maglor agrees. "I try to think about each current day, and about tomorrow. Otherwise I cannot get up."
... Literally. Unfortunately.
The door sounds with knocks, and Elrond goes and grabs the food. He puts the tray between them on a table. Elrond actually has to eat [or likes to eat] more liquid than an full elf would; Maglor had found that out when he and his brother were children.
Maglor tries his soup. Rivendell has an impressively endless list of soup recipes, after Elrond told his cooks that he wanted to eat it daily, and wanted them to try different things, to be creative. Of course it's just for Maglor, but they must always hide that, and him. The soup is 'for Elrond' and his assistant's name is 'Lindir'. Everyone still calls him that, actually. Being in Valinor hasn't changed that.
He likes it. It's like some other identity he can pretend he has. In a weird way, it gives him relief sometimes.
He can only imagine the uproar if all the elves in Aman saw a kinslayer still living with their own eyes. It's bad enough that people know he's there, but they had to -- his mother, Elrond's real parents, Gil-Galad, Artanis. Later Maglor finds out that Elrond and Artanis went to the Valar and asked them to announce that Maglor was pardoned, as they'd told the two of them but not the elves en masse in Valinor.
They said it was to prevent kinslayings or revenge killing, which would only start another cycle of bloodshed. That would never end. So clearly they needed to inform everyone, stat.
... For once the Valar hastened to do so.
It's one thing to know he's there, it's another to have it flaunted in their faces that a person who ruined so many lives is happily eating sweets while living a life of luxury. Maglor understands more than anyone how grotesque that is.
When he thinks of his crimes he can only imagine Elrond being killed or stolen from him [ironic, he's aware], or Finno and his brother losing each other [like they did, or in some other way]. Maglor's evil deeds sometimes pain him even worse now than before.
He's not going to give his life up, but he does get it. He is not so much a worm that he begs for death. Okay, well, he's over that phase, technically, if you must know.
He likes his nice life. He likes being Lindir.
So obviously, Maglor keeps hiding with Elrond.
Thranduil gives Elrond some wine he brought over the sea and Elrond gives him some vineyards that Gil-Galad has started. Of course technically it's a formal diplomatic gift from the high king to the woodland king, but actually it's just because the two young elves are friends. Elrond thinks it would make it easier on Thranduil and his people to be recognized by the high king in a formal way.
They are nervous to be in a realm of the 'high elves', mostly. Also, Thranduil and his people love wine to a strange degree, so it's something they will greatly prize and appreciate.
In return, Elrond is allowed to send archivists to the new Greenwood area to copy the sindar books they have brought with them. Elrond and Galadriel also arrange for a giant moose to be given to Thranduil as well, to his delight. Then she asks the wood-elves to make different items for her people, as they are great experts in certain areas like archery.
It pleases that group when the 'higher' elves ask them for their expertise.
Maglor finally decides to ask his mother about Elrond's true parents wanting to speak to her. She does not respond for a while and finally says okay, and a time later Earendil writes to Elrond to say she's written to them, and they have a nice correspondence.
Maglor's mother also tells him, face to face, she could make Elrond a statue of his dead brother.
He stares at her with his mouth open. "Or do you think it's a bad idea?" she asks rhetorically, seeing his reaction.
He doesn't know, to be honest. "Well, we could say you made it for me. That would be, uh, easier. Look into my mind, to see, though he is very close to Elrond in looks. Obviously."
She shrugs and says she'll let him know when she's done. He remembers -- she has to do sketches first, then more of them [for him to try to get right; it's easier since she's seen Elrond], then gets to work on the stone.
After she's done making it, she brings it with her to Maglor in the new Rivendell. Glorfindel comes with him, and they both gasp upon seeing it. To Glorfindel, it looks like Elrond, but it's truly Elros. Maglor weeps. All the small things that made them different are in there.
It takes him a while to tell Elrond, who knows he's upset about something but doesn't try to force him to reveal whatever it is. It's also obvious that Glorfindel knows, but he doesn't ask him either. Finally Maglor tells him, and he seems surprised. He does not go see the statue.
Even in the coming years, he doesn't see it. His mother brought it to him, and put it in one of the gardens that are in the more private area of Gil-Galad and Elrond. Elrond does not enter that specific area for dozens of years.
His mother doesn't ask him about it, and he doesn't say anything. He knows that Elrond is worried about how emotional he'll become if he sees it, so he avoids it.
Elros is something he flys off the handle about, it's out of character, really; usually no one mentions him ever so it's easy to not think about.
Of course his version of getting upset is pretty unnoticeable to most people, but Maglor can tell. He understands because he has no desire to see a statue of Mahedros. So in that they are the same. He tries not to think about how his brother killed himself. His pain, his suffering. His life.
And how he watched it happen, not realizing what was going to occur. He couldn't rescue him; he saw him burn to death. After that he went to the sea to try to kill himself.
... Maglor still has many bad days.
Gil-Galad goes to see the statue, but does not talk about it, it seems. He's sure he'd hear about it if he did. It's nice to think of Elrond with him, really; to know he'd sent him to such a good elf. It soothes him a little. He'd had no choice at that point of course, but still.
He sent Elrond to a good person, and a person who loved him, even. And now after so long Elrond still chooses to be with him. Maglor is happy he has a fulfilling romantic life. Every parent wants that for their child. He has no doubt that Gil-Galad truly loves Elrond -- who else in history has rebuilt a city from memory across an ocean just to show their love for someone?
He's pretty sure no one, not that he's an expert on history.
Truly Gil-Galad is without flaw, he thinks. He made sure to give Elrond his own autonomy and built a whole area for him privately and also a big section for his household and people. He acts like Elrond is both equal to him but also his trusted friend and advisor. He lends him his status in a way, but doesn't put any burden on him.
Also, he treats him well. His energy, personality, aura all match Elrond's. He's strong, quiet, gentle. Reliable. He also tolerates Elrond's strange Feanorean situation [and servants] easily. Most people would find it weird to have a lover that lives with their parent.
... Well.
Well, maybe not 'parent' and more like their murderous, famously dangerous [Maglor is considered extra wildly dangerous because of his singing] foster father, who kidnapped them after sacking their city.
... Who later killed more people, and went crazy, and then had to be found and dragged back and healed. Sometimes he can't believe Elrond did heal him, and wonders if this is all some hallucination of his mind. It's suspiciously nice to be reality.
There are very soft pillows, warm clothes, blankets, hot water bottles, and little sweet cakes with jam and icing. It's nice and quiet, and safe, most importantly. He has lots of medication that he can take at any time, and personal constant medical care. And Glorfindel is there if any killing needs to be done. [And there to joke with, to spend time with, to enjoy his company with.] Maglor can just rest, finally. He's finally free.
Free of his father, of his brother, of his family, of the oath, of the jewels, of all of it.
He doesn't want to ever hold a weapon again. Though of course he knows where they are courtesy of both Glorfindel and Elrond, the first worried about if he would need to defend Elrond; the latter worried about if he would need to defend himself.
Elrond and Glorfindel often go have fun together in their closed private area. They tramp around outside, just walking around as if they were children. Elrond takes advantage of being non-important [except as a healer and advisor to Gil-Galad] and wears mostly loose play clothes that he gets dirty all the time when he's out in nature.
He has big gardens for medicines that he likes to mess around with, and Glorfindel likes to help him. People tease him by saying 'is he planting golden flowers' but Glorfindel always rolls his eyes and says that's the hundredth time he's heard that! Get more original!
As one can imagine, after the Elwing/silmaril incident recently in Valinor with Maglor, the security of new Rivendell is now quite extreme. Especially Elrond's rooms and general area. There are literal guards everywhere.
Of course since this is Imladris, some are reading, others do other tasks, some dance and sing.
Maglor has always liked Glorfindel, and approved of him as Elrond's best friend and right hand. They are very close. And oddly Glorfindel is very kind to him too, for some unknown reason -- he knows who he really is, of course.
Elrond has Thranduil eventually come and visit him so he can secretly, with his consent, try to heal his blinded eye more. Apparently he has a glamor that covers its marredness. He tells him that he's going to ask a Feanorean to help him by singing, and Thranduil agrees to it.
Of course the white lie is that it's a son of Feanor himself, and not a random healer in the Feanorean retinue.
"Just let me be asleep for it, so I can claim plausible deniability," Thranduil says dryly, and Elrond laughs.
When he's asleep, Elrond goes and gets Maglor in the connecting room. He selects a harp, and plays with both hands, and sings as Elrond works. Glorfindel is there as Elrond's sous chef healer, though he sometimes moves slower because the song affects him. Maglor is a dangerously powerful singer.
After a while, Elrond decides they should stop for medical reasons, so he goes and brings his harp into the other room. He crawls into bed, very tired from his work. Glorfindel snuggles against him, which is actually normal. He is a very tactile person, even with Elrond, who usually doesn't let anyone near him.
While he thinks it's ridiculous and shocking that Glorfindel likes to cuddle him, both awake and asleep, it is nice to be embraced by him and Elrond too. It feels soothing. He likes it, sometimes it quiets his thoughts or the roil of his emotions.
Also, he wonders if Glorfindel needs to be comforted like this because of his ill moods. Probably his sad past of losing his home, Maglor thinks. Glorfindel is more delicate and sensitive than people assume.
Elrond looks at his hand after he comes in behind him and puts healing stuff on it just to make him feel better, probably. He's pretty sure his pain is just in his head at this point. His hand looks great, really. Yes, you can tell it was injured, but it's not horrific. Sometimes he gets nervous to use it on his harp.
Glorfindel told him once what it was like when they went and rescued/kidnapped him back to Rivendell. How his hurt hand was a giant ruined, swollen, infested horror show. How Elrond was so worried he'd have to cut if off and they kept trying everything to avoid that. And how he looked like a skeleton, and his hair was so frightening they cut it off for his own good.
And obviously he was crazy, too.
In a way he can't believe Elrond found him and did all that painstaking work to heal him for so many endless years. But in another way, he can. They've always had a special bond, beyond Elros and Maglor's. Where Elrond was sweet and trusting, Elros was suspicious. Maglor had worried when they were small that Elros would survive in a bad situation, but Elrond would be easily dispatched, due to their temperaments.
But no. It turned out to be the other way around. How horribly ironic.
Maglor does not respond to most letters he gets.
Then though, there's an emergency -- well, one in the terms of Aman. Finrod is racing his horse for sport with some of his friends and falls and is injured excessively. A rare unlucky fall.
Galadriel is told, and she sends a message to Elrond through ósanwë. He tells everyone what has happened, and goes to get his medical things. Before he leaves, he brings Maglor into his own room [the special one they can hide him in if need be], and shuts the door.
"She asked if you will sing for him, to help heal him," he tells Maglor, to his shock. "His pain is extreme."
"He consents to this?" Maglor asks him.
"Yes, as do his people that are there," Elrond says. "He is in the forest, they have not moved his body."
Well, this is a pickle. How can he sing for them if he never leaves new Rivendell?
"And what do you think?" he asks Elrond.
"I don't know," Elrond tells him uneasily. "But your will shall be done; what is it?"
"What if Glorfindel is there to 'guard' me," he suggests. "That would look better."
Elrond agrees, he picks a harp, and they explain to Glorfindel and head out. Maglor is sure to take off his nicer coat and also take off little jewelry pieces Elrond gave him that he has on before he leaves. He puts on plain clothes and a hooded overcoat too, for when people start harassing him.
Not that it isn't right, really, but it's not fun to be the bad guy. At all or in perpetuity, even if it's earned.
He fancies himself something of an expert on the topic.
So they go quickly out and Maglor is happy that Glorfindel's always insisted he go out with him and Elrond on a horse once in a while. Because other than that it's been a long time.
When they get there, the group around Finrod goes silent. Most of them look terrified when they see Maglor, but hopeful when they see Elrond. ... For once Glorfindel is outshone by the ultimate good [a healer when one is needed] and the ultimate evil [Maglor himself].
This must be a new experience for Glorfindel, he thinks wryly, not being the center of attention.
"Back away all, please, and one person needs to tell me what occurred in detail," Elrond says. In the distance, Maglor can tell Galadriel is approaching.
Finrod's people scoot further out from them, and one hesitantly describes how he was thrown by his horse. Elrond starts looking him over. The injuries are gruesome. Ironically Maglor's never had the stomach for this type of thing, despite his past.
He gets his harp out so that he's ready for when Elrond asks him to sing. Glorfindel stands behind him, watching everyone. Artanis walks up and stands beside him, and he can see out of the corner of his eye that Finrod's people back up even more.
Elrond asks him to sing something to soothe pain, so he does. By the end, he looks up and sees that Finrod's people have mostly toppled over to the ground due to the power of his song.
He has no doubt that the elves who didn't live over in middle earth during Sauron's recent nonsense did not dedicate themselves to either healing or the songs of healing. Or the power of singing at all. At that point Valinor had had no violence for a long time, so their healing skills have atrophied, he assumes.
It takes a lot of work and energy to do what he does with music and become good at it. He lists to the side as he takes a break from singing. His skill is so great that his song's power lingers on despite his silence.
Eventually Elrond asks him to sing again, this time of rest and recuperation and sleep and for all to be well. He plays.
He tries not to look at the people of Finrod, as he must focus on his work and not on them assumedly hating him, just though it may be.
Finally it is done, and he stops singing. Even Artanis had to sit down in the interim. Most of Finrod's elves are half-dozing.
His music is very powerful when he wants it to be ... there's a reason their kinslayings were often successful [well, in the sense that Maglor survived them all.]
Elrond takes the opportunity to tell Galadriel what must be done for him next, and he subtly jolts her more awake while facing her so the other elves don't see. She becomes alert, and comprehends his words on further healing for her brother, and nods seriously.
Then they depart. Elrond is very tired, and so is Maglor. But despite his long weakness, Maglor is an elf from the best house [one of the highest houses, back in the day] and he saw the two trees. Elrond did not.
So he bids Glorfindel to hold his child, and rides beside them. It is a slow ride home and he doesn't care for it.
But then finally they are there, and Glorfindel picks him up off his horse and they go back to their rooms. Gil-Galad meets them and carries Elrond; he's already asleep. They covered him on the journey with the hood of his cloak so that the regular elves will not see his eyes shut so firmly.
To a normal elf, that's quite frightening. But they know Elrond, so they understand and do not feel fear any longer. Also, they don't want others to see him be different, for his privacy and also so no one will be alarmed or ask questions that are impolite. Typical elves know little of the half-elven and how they are unusual.
Maglor doesn't remember falling asleep. But he wakes up in his room, with his blankets and everything. Glorfindel is asleep out beside Elrond in the other bed, in the connecting room. Several of their rooms have multiple beds due to Elrond needing real, more deep mortal sleep and also due to the burden of Maglor's weakness, as he needs more sleep than an elf.
Unfortunately after this lots of elves send Maglor letters [re the care of Elrond] asking for him to perform for them. He even gets thank you notes from Finrod and his people, and Artanis. Which feels weird, for obvious reasons.
And they also say they want him to sing for them, just to hear it, for the pleasure of it.
I think not, Maglor thinks wryly. He is no longer a shining, happy youth. He's half-dead; weak half the time, and a cursed outcast all of the time. There are many days where he simply stays in bed and watches Elrond do whatever he's doing. Or he listens to Glorfindel and him talk.
Sometimes he looks out on nature often, other times not at all. Bad memories, bad deeds, can suddenly confront him in his mind and torment him at random. He is very tired of crying, but still does sometimes.
He often can't believe reality is real -- not in an awareness of it sense, but in a how can this be real. His whole family is dead. And dead in ignominy, too.
Their name is synonymous with shame and evil and butchering. They are all defeated, ruined. And they did it all for nothing, it seems in the end.
His mere being alive, his life, is a political problem, an outrage, an embarrassment; yes, he's aware. Maglor does not want to die -- and what, have to deal with his family in Mandos? [Or the void, which he tries not to think about. At least he doesn't feel the oath anymore.]
No thank you.
The shame of being alive, the annoyance of endlessly having to hide that he's alive is nothing compared to having to see his father and brothers again.
At least he has Elrond, and Rivendell, and Glorfindel in a way, too. And he feels good now, not crazy or oath-sick. He has his music, and Elrond gave him back something far more important than his sanity -- his ruined hand. Now he can play with both hands if he wants to, a huge boon.
It is sad to not to have both of his boys, that Elros is gone. Of course he's sad about everything else, but he loved Elros. He is gone beyond even Mandos, forever. A terrible thing.
Indeed, the doom of his own family is terrible too, but this is terrible in a different way. Similarly, the loss of his closest brother strikes him harder than all the rest of them. But not as much, as he needed the peace of death, he was suffering so greatly.
He has Elrond reply to the Finrodeans for him, saying 'he can't play for you he's busy being repentant, but he thanks you for the compliment.'
Technically Maglor isn't busy at all, of course.
Elrond and Glorfindel spend long days discussing people's outfits in Valinor [all the people in the different courts] and how strange their foreign food is and how odd the lands look. Et cetera.
They seem to find Valinor quite weird/different [Elrond] and changed/different [Glorfindel] respectively. They hang out with the hobbits all the time.
Elrond spends a lot of time learning about the healing plants of Valinor.
Maglor's mother had worried about how Elrond treated him before she got to know him.
So he'd been forced to reassure her with more truth than he usually told others. He told her about how Elrond had rescued him, and healed him, but in detail. Ie the gruesome details he'd finally gotten out of Glorfindel, because Elrond wasn't going to tell him the scary parts.
By the end she was silent. "Before he rescued me, that time was way worse than the earlier parts of my life," he told her honestly. "Being that ill and insane was terrible."
Before, just his soul had been ill and ruined. Having his body be all destroyed, and his sanity too, had been terrible.
"And he truly cares for you?" she asks him for the millionth time, unable to conceive of a victim of his crimes being so good to him.
He understands her confusion and disbelief. It is strange. But Elrond is a unique person.
Later he tells Elrond that he wishes they could have met under normal circumstances. That's a thing they've often talked about before.
"I almost wish you could have been my son in blood, but then your fate would have been terrible, surely. So it's better you're not that. Actually, I wish I could have been your child," Maglor says, vaguely mournful. "You would have been such a great parent."
He has already, really. Elrond took care of Maglor as if he was a elf child for endless years when he was insane. It's only recently that he's realized how much Glorfindel helped with that as well; it explains why he acts like he's close to him, even though Maglor didn't have those same experiences [what with being busy being out of his mind.]
Elrond laughs silently, gently. "I don't think I would, I am tired of new people. New problems, new things to protect, new ways to be disappointed or hurt. I want things to stay the same. To be stable. ... I'm sure this land we are on now is not going to live up to expectations," he jokes.
He smiles at Maglor, and he smiles back.
Maglor gets more letters. Instead of condemning him for the kinslaying [and stealing children] the letters now only talk of his singing. People who had written to him to curse him for his evil now beg him to sing at their parties. It would make him laugh, if he didn't hate the fact that he is truly evil.
That is hard to live with. He can never make it right, or be forgiven, or do penance. Sure the Valar said he could come and had already suffered and repented enough, but it doesn't feel like that. He feels like he's in limbo forever, stained forever.
Glorfindel is fun to spend time with in this respect. He is very fun and lively and always up to something or doing something or talking about something that matters naught but is entertaining. Though he has been sorely tried upon returning to Aman in the sense that he can no longer make up crazy, outlandish lies about Valinor since their household and people are now all in it.
His pleasure was also dulled a little before after Maglor was in Rivendell and awake, finally. Because he knew he had an equal, in a way and could not tell him funny falsehoods about Aman. Maglor is older than him and knows more of first age Valinor than he does.
Earendil writes him many letters after telling Elrond to ask him if he could. Maglor said fine, as it might help them [the real parents] heal. Elrond doesn't like it but acquiesces, since he's okay with it.
He takes the time to read them carefully, since he especially is owed it. Maglor does also write back to people affected by his own part in the kinslayings, but not to other people. He tells Earendil general things, and lets Elrond know what he's saying, and what he's replying with. Not that Elrond is asking for it, but still.
"I wish I could do something to really fix what I have done," he says idly one night as they look at the stars together.
"I don't know," Elrond replies. "I think a lot of what was done cannot solely be laid on you. Your father's misuse of you is not your fault. Neither is my mother's wicked keeping of the jewel. Or Luthien's son keeping it. They all knew what they were doing. They were thieves."
He blinks. It's creepy to hear Elrond speak as though he were a hardcore Feanorean. "Of course outright endless bloodshed is a little much," he adds, dryly. "But still, when one deals with a violent enemy, and proceeds from pride and vanity alone, one has signed up for death willingly."
"What we did has no justification," he argues, and Elrond laughs.
"I do not think there are too many who are truly innocent," Elrond says easily.
Maglor's mother asks if she can speak with Elrond, and when he says yes, has both of them come to her house and asks Elrond to comment on some of her statues. It's very odd. Elrond sends Maglor questioning feelings through their bond mentally, but he can only shrug uncertainly back.
He doesn't get it either. Eventually he realizes this is his mother's way of getting to speak to her quote 'grandchild' without having to make it even more awkward than it's already necessarily going to be.
And it's convenient that they can say this is 'Elrond [and Glorfindel] accompanying the prisoner to his mother' instead of Glorfindel eats candies in the front room while trying out painting on a canvas she set up for him. While the other three of them talk in one of her sculpture studios for fun before they all eat cakes together.
It feels strange to be with his mother, after everything. Even now, after meeting with him many times, she often does a quick unconscious double take upon seeing how Maglor looks.
He understands. He's aware he looks bad. He dresses differently than when he was young, and his spirit and aura are greatly dim now. His entire appearance looks like another elf's, not his own.
Maglor actually likes to have his hair much shorter now than elves that spent more time in Aman. They wear it very long, and the women wear it almost to the floor, practically, with braids and jewels and all that in it.
But he lived through war, and war, and death, and then insanity. And it was all horrible. After his time on the shore being crazy for so long, he feels more comfortable with short hair.
Erestor cuts it for him, weirdly he's a great hairdresser. It's very short for his original culture, at least. It's at his shoulders. He likes how he doesn't feel his head weighed down; long hair makes him feel an echo of being at the shore again, somehow.
... He learned all this the hard way and had to just hack it off immediately so the feelings of terror didn't subsume him. And then he had to explain to Elrond, who'd just walked in, that everything was fine, he wasn't having a crazy episode. And that the knife in his hand was fine, and to ignore the hair on the floor right now.
Eventually Elrond is asked to be introduced to Finarfin, the high king in Tirion. Galadriel and Gil-Galad go with him. Elrond doesn't care for things like this, but does it because this is how it's done, and also because this is Galadriel's father and Gil-Galad's great grand-father.
He has to wear very fancy robes and a lot of jewelry, all of which marks out his many rare lineages. Of course he cannot wear anything at all even remotely Feanorean. When he does wear random clothes that remind Maglor of what any of them [his family] would have worn, sometimes Maglor likes it, and other times he's appalled. He never knows how he'll react.
When the twins were young, he promised them that they could say anything to him, express their feelings but at the end of that day's night they had to shake hands as friends and promise to work together.
He and Elrond always had a special bond; Elros was more distant. But finally Maglor had a purpose, a reason to sing again -- other than trying to help his brother feel more peace and less pain, of course.
And also of course, the deeper love is, the stronger the bond, the more you collapse when it's broken.
Glorfindel stays home with Maglor, and says, "Do you want to sleep with me? Or I could just model some outfits I was thinking about."
Maglor shakes himself out of his surprised gawp. "You cannot sully yourself with me, I've told you that," he scolds him. "There are scads of people who'd line up to spend time with you, go fetch one of them. ... I would like to see the outfits, though."
He smiles.
"Let me start," Glorfindel says, enthusiasm undaunted, and walks through the secret door into the next room, which is his office. He comes back with a very elaborate look on, many jewels and fine, complex robes.
"Let me explain what I'm going for here before you comment," he says, and Maglor nods.
Glorfindel likes to explain his creative process. He does like to listen to it, he rarely hears others speak with this level of passion for something.
Of course, Maglor's mother and father spoke like this. But that was a long time ago. He tries not to think of them or his brothers, or his closest brother. If he does, sometimes he can't stop, and gets lost in his head and doesn't wake up from the fog of it for a long time.
Eventually Maglor's mother wants to speak to Elrond often, so he goes to see her. Many people end up wanting to see him, like Idril and Tuor, and Turgon. The half-brothers of Feanor want to meet him too. Elves in Aman quickly learn that while Elrond will counsel people on healing matters, he will not go to courts or parties or anything like that.
So people who want to see him simply ask him to come see them about any medical problems they have instead of say, inviting him to court or to an exclusive party.
Maglor's not sure if Elrond knows that's what they're doing. But it is good for more people to meet him and love him.
So there are many unexpected visitors to new Rivendell, like Elu Thingol and Melian, even, who want to see Elrond. And even Finrod shows up wanting to duel harps with Maglor.
Maglor meets with him and politely declines to play after listening to him thank him a lot for helping Elrond heal him before [he'd sent letters afterwards back then]. "But I want to get ideas on how to get better from listening to you," Finrod tells him, disappointed.
So Maglor relents halfway. "Why don't you play, and I tell you my critique."
This is acceptable, so he does.
He comes by all the time wanting to do this, which is fine. Glorfindel gets jealous for no reason at all. Although Maglor gets it, it's been a cozy only three of them for a long time. And Elrond doesn't include Gil-Galad in their little friend group, ever, so it's just them.
Unfortunately, then Fingon is re-embodied and wants to talk to Maglor ... doubtless about his brother and his love for him. He bades him come speak to him, and spends days steeling himself for it.
Thank goodness he did, because Fingon shuffles in and he's very upset. He cries for most of the visit. Elrond and Glorfindel are in the next room over in case he got violent, but Maglor can see the real problem is that Fingon might hurt himself.
Maglor scoots over and puts a hand on his back as he weeps. He tells him that Maehdros wouldn't see anyone in the halls, ever.
So finally, after waiting for a very long time, Fingon chose to return to life.
... It's obvious he's regretting it now, in a way. Finally he leaves, and Maglor asks Glorfindel to accompany him back to his house. Elrond gives him an inquisitive look and he tells him. By the end Elrond is horrified, both at the situation and at Fingon's level of pain.
Maglor has told Elrond in the past that he's happy his brother is in Mandos, because he can finally heal and feel rest. And be free from pain. Also, hopefully he'll have his hand back.
____________________
Elrond tells him he's asked his [real] father to teach him about sailing, even though he cares not much for it. He's only doing it to be kind, and also because his father seems to have few hobbies. They have little crossover, as people with disparate interests.
He comes back from these sessions all windswept and a little tan. Because of his mixed blood, he tans sometimes. That had been strange to observe when he was a child.
Cirdan shows up eventually, and Gil-Galad is excited to see his foster father again. Elrond, Galadriel and him all go to the coast to greet him out of respect.
Eventually they [three of them] return to new Rivendell, and Elrond comes back to his rooms.
He and Gil-Galad are very close. They are both very proper, so it's hard to even tell that they have such a deep bond. Maglor knows he truly loves him because he goes over to spend a day or night with him all the time -- and if Gil-Galad asks him to go with him to visit some other elves, Elrond will acquiesce.
Of course, Maglor knows he despises things like that. But he'll do it for Gil-Galad, which says a lot. He won't do things other elves desire -- though he will a little for Fingon due to his sorry state. Fingon makes Maglor look like he never left Aman, by comparison.
[Fingon wants to almost claim Elrond in some familial way, due to his relationship with Maehdros, crazily enough.]
Maglor has never had a love like that. He does not feel he is missing anything though. He loves his music. He kind of loves his dead family. It's iffy most of the time.
He very much loves his mother and Maedhros. And obviously Elros and Elrond, too. Glorfindel he even feels for, a bit, but he's so odd. It's not normal for him to want to be with Maglor so much.
Sometimes Elrond tells him he wants to be [transform into] a kitten, and he lays on Maglor's arm. He's very soft. Maglor pets him. They share having a problem about family dying on them -- or in Elrond's case, abandoning him [and sometimes dying].
And even Gil-Galad died on him, too. Eventually Elrond's mother gets more healed and he goes to see her more often. Nerdanel comes and visits Maglor in new Rivendell sometimes. She likes to talk to Elrond about his [crazily enormous] book collection.
He shows her some books he has on sculpture and she stays over, reading them.
Gil-Galad got a jump on it [the library here] and started building it before he even came over the sea. He asked everyone he could for as rare a book as they had, or for a copy of one. As people who'd served him came to help him establish new Rivendell, so too the new people crossing the sea who knew him or Elrond came to live with him and helped as well.
They established over all those years an enormous library; and Gil-Galad created a private one for him too. He asked all of Elrond's famous relatives to write their account of history for his collection, which he's been reading, though he also goes and speaks to them directly.
He actually doesn't want to read the histories, as it is just a reminder of his own terrible life, but he does out of duty and respect. Maglor knows that feeling.
Somehow the oath is gone from him, and of course it was now recently proven gone due to him unfortunately being exposed to a silmaril. Thank goodness he is free. He talks to Elrond about it and he puts a hand up, to his surprise. Usually that means 'stop' and that the topic is too heavy or difficult for the other person. But this time it's not that; he can tell from his expression.
"I tried to end it, and I guess it worked," Elrond says casually, to his confusion.
"What?" Maglor asks. He must be misunderstanding.
"I asked my father to toss his st-- the -- it, down, and I held it for a moment, back at home. And said, I claim it in your family's name. And then I threw it back up to him."
Maglor stares at him. " ... What?!"
"What?" he responds redundantly, looking shifty. "I just wanted to see if it would work."
"Was that when I was there?" Maglor asks, and he shakes his head. "What if it had roused me to some ... something -- bad?" he says, appalled.
Elrond shakes his head, almost rolling his eyes, which appalls Maglor all over again. This is serious.
"I hadn't found you yet."
"That was dangerous," Maglor scolds him, angry. "You don't understand."
"I know," Elrond says, clearly pacifying him now, which does not make him feel better.
"What if you got hurt?" Or somehow got sucked into the oath, somehow. No.
No no no no no no no.
Maglor feels his hand on his arm and realizes he's put his own head in his hands. "It worked, all is fine," Elrond says.
"I don't want you involved in that, more than -- you know," he argues, a little muffled.
More than he already is, they both know he means.
"I want to sit by myself," Maglor adds, pretty pitiously he's aware, and Elrond says okay, and leaves. He puts a blanket over his face and just lays there unhappily on his little bed.
Yes that is all good news, but it upsets him to think about it. Also, to know it -- why Elrond, of all people.
He hates everything. And himself, too.
He touches Elrond with osanwe, saying sorry. He says back that it's okay. They both have a lot of experience at being emotional with each other. The twins had many episodes of getting upset and thinking about how:
-their parents abandoned them
-they were mortal in a sense until they made their choice; also the weight of the choice
-that Maglor was their loving 'parent' but he was the ruin of their lives at the same time
-more things in this vein
He is grateful to Elrond for it of course, and for his family, and his father, and Nelyo extra even. It seems impossible, but he knows it's true as his heart feels light and peaceful in a way it could not with the oath there.
During the cool season in Valinor [not as harsh as winter in middle earth, but similar in a way], Elrond has to dress up very much to keep warm. Maglor does too. It's nice to match, and also it makes it look less odd that only Elrond does it; regular elves don't have to.
It's funny almost, that Maglor has been reduced so far as to be cold normally, not even just in cold weather.
Glorfindel helpfully provides an extra smokescreen to Elrond's ton of winter gear by wearing elaborate, layered, fancy 'winter' outfits that look insane.
Actually, though, Elrond simply never goes outside during winter. His circle agrees that it's just not worth the risk of him getting sick or too cold. Actually, they all limit how many people he gets physically close to due to his propensity for illness [due to being around 30% human].
Back in middle earth it was important that he not become ill due to his use of his ring. And also because it was unsettling for everyone when he did get sick. Maglor still gets very upset when it happens. He hates that it even happens in Valinor.
Gil-Galad comes over if he's sick and makes tea for him, and also babies him, which Maglor doesn't protest. Who doesn't want their powerful lover to show up for a few minutes with a helpful gift and then politely disappear so your kidnapper/'father' can take care of you. Elrond gets very out of character when he's sick, pouting and refusing to do anything normal.
Maglor doesn't want him sick, but he does like to take care of him.
He also likes that Gil-Galad doesn't try to usurp him as Elrond's caretaker. Sure, he'd get it and hover nearby just out of respect for the fact that Elrond has said he loves him, but he'd be annoyed. Instead Gil-Galad fits seamlessly into Elrond's already established life, despite being reinserted into it only recently in Valinor.
Fingon gets extremely upset when he accidentally finds out Elrond can get sick, and weeps and weeps. They all try to assure him that Elrond will be fine, even he murmurs it too, but it doesn't matter. Fingon just can't take it. Maglor takes him to another room, exchanging a look with Gil-Galad, who moves to sit in Maglor's chair by Elrond in the meantime.
When he's sick, Erestor reschedules all of Elrond's appointments. He sometimes turns into other creatures if Maglor makes sure the door is secured because it means it will feel less terrible.
Maglor feels so sick at heart when people wonder or outright ask Elrond if he will every marry or have children. Few people dare to say the latter since all know he's with Gil-Galad. Maglor is aware that it's Elrond who wants it to be a secret, not the high king.
He knows Elrond won't marry [or leave the high king for a lady elf and beget with her] because he's tired of being hurt. Of being left behind.
And Maglor knows most of that is his fault [some of it his real parents', a tiny bit Elros]. If he doesn't make new ties with people, Elrond figures he cannot be hurt again. Even now, in the peace of Aman, he won't even live with Gil-Galad all the time.
That's very comforting for Maglor just in the sense that it means he lives with him, but even he wants better for 'his' child. He isn't that much of a monster.
Sometimes Elrond shows him other animals he can be. Maglor asks him about it, fascinated. He likes when he is a baby owl or a little kitten the best. He does not ask why it's always tiny animals and not something like a leopard or eagle.
Eventually Maglor composes music for the different festivals of new Rivendell because Glorfindel asks him to, or Frodo does. He still has a habit of avoiding Bilbo. Thankfully no one mentions it, probably due to his, Lindir's, well known nervous disposition and general strangeness.
He hears his newly composed songs performed, and then later when it's just him and Elrond and Glorfindel he plays them himself if they want him to.
Then the shoe finally drops, but not the way Maglor thought it would. He assumed it'd be about him: a trial for him, punishment for him, him being attacked by righteous grievance-obsessed elves. Instead Elrond gets actually extremely, dangerously sick, worse than his typical light illnesses.
Thankfully Elrond was always honest with Gil-Galad about his weird physiology, so he knows a lot about his health. He may even know close to what Maglor knows, Maglor's not sure.
Gil-Galad sends a runner to them, something they haven't used here in Valinor because there are so few emergencies. He and Glorfindel race back across the paths to Gil-Galad's rooms and find him hovering over Elrond, who looks terrible.
He's ashen white and shaking and his eyes are unfocused. Maglor touches his mind gently with his own, to find he's just thinking about how he doesn't feel good; his thoughts slip by fast like water and he doesn't communicate to Maglor directly. But there's no healer information, no clear cut reason for his illness in his mind or opinion, it seems.
And worse, he doesn't respond to him. Verbally or in his mind.
Maglor tells Gil-Galad, mind to mind, all of that. Thankfully the high king has already sent for some healers who personally deal with Elrond [since he's such a special case, a strange blood mix], and they rush in and look at him.
Gil-Galad tells them, "We were just talking, everything was as usual. Then he said he didn't feel well, and seemed to get worse and worse as the moments passed."
One finally tells Gil-Galad, as Elrond seems to fall unconscious due to some drug they gave him, "We're going to force him to throw up. That's step one."
Maglor blinks. It's not fun to watch. He ties back Elrond's hair and Gil-Galad holds his body for the healers to manipulate.
"These symptoms are classic of poisoning," the healer continues, and Maglor feels like he's going to be sick, himself. Even Gil-Galad looks shocked.
Why him? Maglor thinks and despairs. Shouldn't Maglor be the target?
Of all people, who would want to poison Elrond? People like him. Even people who don't like Gil-Galad like him, but Gil-Galad's pretty popular. Many feel thankful, and flattered, if Elrond will see them as a healer for their large or small/imagined problems. And the ones he's healed with real [rare] problems are all grateful to him, and often send him presents.
Often elves seek an audience with Gil-Galad because they're [insanely] less intimidated by him than by Elrond. Some people are afraid of Elrond's magic power [due to Melian], others are unsure what he's like [due to his mixed blood of three races].
He is universally considered the best healer in Aman. Even Thranduil's proud people will ask him for help, despite his intimidating high lineage[s].
After they get him to throw up, Elrond still looks wan and like death warmed over. Maglor keeps a hand on him, so that if his spirit is confused he'll know he's safe.
... Okay, also it's really just for himself. They all wait there for him to wake up, which takes a long time, since Elrond does actually sleep -- and also they drugged him, which affects him more than a regular elf.
Finally the next day he wakes up.
Maglor feels like he can breathe again. It's so creepy to see him be unconscious due to a bad reason; he's gotten over how scary seeing him sleep is. But the other is still upsetting. Because for a real elf it would mean he was dead. It mimics it quite well.
He stays where he is beside Elrond's beside with his hand on his skin as Gil-Galad sits on the bed beside him and asks how he feels. Elrond just looks at him groggily. He seems confused.
He goes back to sleep, to everyone's horror.
Eventually he wakes up again and a healer has him take a sip of water as Gil-Galad asks how he feels.
"Not good," Elrond says petulantly, and it makes Maglor laugh silently. He has always been very annoyed when he was sick.
Gil-Galad looks amused and sympathetic at the same time.
Thankfully they have lots of medicine stocked away, since Elrond likes to have huge amounts of backups. His people dry and pickle enormous amounts of food in case anything ever happened in terms of war or famine. At the same time, Elrond has his people planting and harvesting constantly so that they can be always adding to their stockpile while rotating it out.
They did this in Imladris, and they do it here. None of them seem to love Valinor much, Maglor can tell. Not even the Feanorean supporters. Everyone is still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Elrond pouts for the whole day, staying in bed, and is very grumpy. He always is when he's sick. It's very cute because he's never like this in his usual temper.
Of course neither Maglor nor Gil-Galad are light-hearted truly because there's still the issue of poison. Gil-Galad explains the whole story to Elrond.
"This is making me think of when I got sick with Elros, the berries," he says finally, glancing at Maglor almost fondly.
Maglor smiles back at his little son. Well, not little anymore.
"Could it be that you cannot have all the food in Valinor?" Gil-Galad says, making them both look at him. "You've never been here before. Your parents live isolated lives, I assume they don't try the exotic food we have here."
Oh, that could be it, he thinks.
All of a sudden Fingon burst into the room. "You're in danger?" he gasps in Elrond's direction, clearly horrified.
"He's better now, we think," Maglor soothes him.
Elrond agrees verbally too. It does not seem to calm Fingon though.
"Please, sit," Gil-Galad says, and gently, slowly, guides him to a chair. He's not breathing right, Maglor thinks. Fingon is also almost shaking.
"I lied and told your guards I was here on the king's business," Fingon finally says to Gil-Galad. He also tells them that Galadriel told him about it and that he was to investigate and see if she was needed [which makes sense, since she couldn't ask Elrond's mind directly while he was out.]
"I'm sure you are, that's no problem," he reassures him. Finally Fingon calms down. Elrond asks him to rest beside him, so he does, and that really lets Fingon relax more.
"I think you're right," Elrond tells Gil-Galad as they all get over the surprise and imposition that is Fingon as he quiets down. "Maybe it is a food allergy, or sensitivity. I do not know about the plants here outside of their healing application."
Elrond has indeed been diligently learning about this.
When Earendil randomly shows up to say hello to everyone, he's surprised to find that Fingon is now often part of the gang. The reason seems to go unspecified.
Elrond's father is upset to learn he was ill here in Aman, but he understands, having been ill himself before. It's a small group in Valinor that knows what it's like to be sick like a mortal. Elrond quizzes him on what they can eat but he is baffled.
They eat seemingly normally [actually very plainly, and little, with no variety] his father says, but of course they cannot try the exact foods that were out in Gil-Galad's study because if they can't risk getting poisoned either.
It takes Elrond a while to recover, and then of course he has to make appearances in different places in new Rivendell to allow the people to see him and see that he's still alive and not ill.
Maglor tells Fingon he was glad his brother had him, but that just makes him cry and cry and cry. Elrond sometimes soothes Fingon with medicine to let him rest.
Nerdanel comes by as well, trying to help Fingon feel better. Nothing really seems to help, but at least he seems better when he follows them around during their routines. He listens to Makalaure's music discussions and gives his opinion on the sound of it [Maglor never includes lyrics with these songs, as to not upset him with thoughts of love or loss].
He helps Elrond as he works on making medicines and checking on the plant growth of those that they need. There are still injuries here, or people who need medical help due to wounds in the past. And of course the ringbearer needs help.
Earendil and Elrond spend more time together. Slowly. Actually, he mostly spends all his time alone on his ship or in his house in new Rivendell. Maglor, after discussing it with Elrond, asks him if he wants to help him sort through all the new books they get each week.
Now that many famous elves know Elrond, or of him, they send him books to try to get his favor. None of them know him, so of course they don't know how stupid that is. Elrond can't be bought, with anything.
But Maglor and some scribes [Feanoreans] often sort through the books he receives all the time. The books are catalogued, noted, and then shelved in the library in the right section. Maglor tells the group that he'll need to work alone, due to Earendil coming, and they obey immediately.
Earendil is pleased to do some work, little though it is. He tells Maglor he likes books, which is clearly patently false. The guy's never spent a minute not being obsessed with the sea, sailing, all that. He's not bookish like Elrond is at all. Weirdly, Elrond is not similar to either of his real parents, it seems.
It makes Maglor wonder if what elves are like is truly influenced not so much by blood as by raising. Though he cannot imagine anyone he knows being different, to be honest.
After a very long time, Elwing returns from Mandos. Elrond goes to see her, and Earendil is there. Afterwards, Elrond comes home, Glorfindel escorting him like usual.
"It shockingly went well," he tells Maglor. "But I am glad to be home. I hate dealing with them and their problems. They take from me, and never give."
Maglor nods, knowing Elrond will get that he's just acknowledging what he's expressing.
"It's like they are hurt children, instead of just me being the child," he continues. "I find it obnoxious. Earendil is okay, but I still have to handle him like I'm the elder. I really don't have extra parents because you're the only one that treats me like a child or a son."
He nods again. That's true, he does. He always tells Elrond to put on another layer, to go have something to eat, to rest more. Maglor always thinks of him as his child.
Everyone else, and Finno, treats him overly respectfully instead, and Finno is especially desperate to be included in everything.
Glorfindel doesn't seem to mind that Maglor is only truly obsessed with Elrond instead of him. Of course it's platonic, but regardless.
When he's tried to explain to him that he has to get a real partner instead, he just laughs. "I don't need all of you. I'll take a percentage, that's fine," Glorfindel told him.
"You deserve someone better, you know that," he'd scolded him, and he'd laughed him off.
He tells Elrond the same thing, but he hmms and considers the situation. "Maybe he doesn't want to have to get close to a new person, but he feels like he already knows you," he proposes. "And maybe he doesn't want a regular elf that's focused on him alone. You have your music, and me and Erestor instead. And everyone else. It could be less pressure on him."
As more elves have realized Maglor isn't a murderous, unhinged psycho, they seem to decide to classify him as 'wise elder'.
Ugh. Please.
He's never made a wise decision in his life. Look at his life!
But elves still want advice from him, which he refuses to give every time. Well, unless it's Elrond, obviously. And maybe Glorfindel and Gil-Galad. Erestor never needs advice because he's the most 'functional adult' one out of the newly arrived group in charge of new Rivendell.
Well, not really, they're not really in charge now. After they came across the sea, Gil-Galad told them he already had people basically doing their jobs. So if they wanted their jobs back they could have them, but if not, they could just rest. They unsurprisingly all chose to rest.
Except that Elrond helps Gil-Galad and also helps with the healers. And Erestor does like to organize what Elrond's Feanorean people do.
Maglor selfishly doesn't want Elrond to have some wife and family to focus on, because then when would he spend time with everyone?
... And him, specifically, okay.
Glorfindel and Elrond are like brothers, almost. He barely has enough time now because he has to split it up so much: between Glorfindel, Maglor, Gil-Galad, the ringbearer, the other halfing he likes to talk to, the healing team in Rivendell he's very involved with, the few elves he actually speaks to like Galadriel that are outside their realm, Nerdanel, his real father and mother. Etc.
Most importantly, Elrond has said he doesn't want to ever marry or have a family. Then no one can leave him.
Yes, Maglor's aware this is his fault. And he's still sad he's part of the group that damaged his little child so much.
Of course, after all this time, Morgoth attacks. Elrond, Thranduil and Galadriel were one hundred percent ready for it, never trusting the supposed 'peace' of Aman. Or the valar.
The majority of elves arm for war as the valar themselves try to fight Morgoth and the horrid creatures that emerge from the sea. Maglor is aware that Elrond and everyone in charge has a defense plan, but he hasn't asked about it. Mainly because he's an obvious weak link.
Since he was evil before, could Morgoth get to him faster than a regular elf? No one knows. He finds out his part in the plan now, though, as Glorfindel brings him down under the city where Legolas, Gimli and the ringbearer group of halfings already are.
Before they left his room, Glorfindel gave him a sword, and he had already several harps. "Stay here until someone comes to tell you it's safe," Glorfindel says to him, before he shuts the door on their group. He kisses Maglor's cheek and leaves.
Maglor goes and rejoins the group he's there to protect. They are exploring their underground house, which is extensive, actually, with apparently magical everything, like fresh water and all that.
Legolas and Gimli already know him from when he's been asked by Frodo or Sam for music; or if Frodo needs medical help and he's assisting Elrond with singing.
Eventually someone does come, and it's Erestor. "It's over," he tells him, and brings them all up.
Elrond and Galadriel used their power, so they are asleep. He stays by Elrond. Healers look at him, but they have no conception of real power, or of the maia.
Galadriel's people take her to another healing area so they can try to help her; being a regular elf, she may be help-able.
Some elves return to the valley, Maglor finds out, when Gil-Galad comes in to see Elrond. Fingon comes there immediately too, so Maglor tells him to stay in the room next door as a secret guard. He also makes up some nonsense about how he and Glorfindel will take turns, and when he's off shift he must rest so he's ready for later.
This gets Fingon to sleep.
"He's sleeping, all this time," Maglor tells Gil-Galad as he drops the mask of kingship and just looks forlornly at his erstwhile husband. "At least his spirit does not seem troubled at rest," he adds.
Gil-Galad nods absently. He stays with Elrond at times, and other times goes and does kingly things for the valley. He knows Maglor will stay and look after Elrond, that goes without saying. Everyone knows that.
It is widespread knowledge that Maglor is almost always with Elrond. The elves in the know are aware it's because of their deep bond; the regular elves think it's because Maglor is his prisoner/servant. Thankfully both groups choose not to bother him, or Elrond, about the arrangement.
Earendil shows up too, looking hesitant. At the time of the attack, he'd been out at the shore. Maglor sees him at the door and waves for him to come in, but while he looks upon Elrond, he lingers where he is. So Maglor gets up and goes over to him -- maybe he wants to be alone with Elrond, and not have him in the way as a horrible usurper?
"He is sleeping, to get his strength back," he tells Earendil, who looks at Elrond anxiously. "I can go get you tea, and you can sit with him if you want."
Earendil blinks and looks at him, almost scared looking. "No," he whispers. "That would be a farce."
This time Maglor blinks. Glorfindel, who's sitting inside the room with Elrond too, can surely hear this as well. They'll have to discuss it later.
"I wish you were his real father," Earendil admits, and leaves. Maglor stares after him, frozen in shock.
... Huh? he thinks.
Maybe he should wait to tell Elrond this story until he's very well recovered. He hails a servant, a Feanorean of course, as they are still Elrond's closest and most intimate people, and tells them to make sure people look after Earendil and offer for him to stay and eat in his rooms.
He has some rooms set aside for him after they all realized he liked to live alone-ish on the edge of new Rivendell and have Elrond come and see him there.
Earendil doesn't seem to like being in the company of other elves, which has always struck Maglor as being similar to Elrond's desire to live in nature instead of in the king's court in Lindon.
The servant goes off. Maglor goes back in and sits with Elrond, and Glorfindel says, "Did I just really hear that?"
"I know," Maglor agrees. They talk about it quietly.
It takes a long time, but Elrond eventually wakes up after a visit from Melian. Galadriel already woke up on her own, before this.
Maglor and Gil-Galad are there when he wakes up of course, as is Glorfindel.
The two of them move over a little so that Maglor will be the first one Elrond sees, since he has the longest list of issues regarding him. Gil-Galad has the second-longest list, what with him loving him and then losing him gruesomely and seeing it happen.
The list with Maglor is just endless: he ruined his life, he saved his life, he was his parent, he loved him, he left him, he killed more people [again], he tried to kill himself, he almost died, Elrond had to search for him, he finally found him, he healed him over many years. And now he has him back.
He can sense when Elrond is truly aware, after he opens his eyes and looks at him. "Everyone is well, even little frogs," he tells him, and Elrond touches him faintly with love and amusement through oswane. It's an inside thing, as Elrond would show Maglor frogs and found them interesting when he was a little boy.
"You are resting now, which is good because you get to miss Glorfindel's hideous recent outfits," Maglor adds.
"Hey," Glorfindel exclaims and smacks his arm lightly.
Elrond smiles faintly and falls back asleep. He's transparent-ish and not tangible, but Melian said that was good, as he's healing at the highest level before going back into a simplistic physical body.
Finally when he is well he goes over to Gil-Galad's study to surprise him. They make sure he's alone first, because his passion for Elrond is well known.
He also gets super emotional over him. After all, Gil-Galad's the one who calmly told the highest elves of Aman -- to their faces -- that he was building a valley city for Elrond. And that Elrond was going to bring with him Feanorean supporter kinslayers over the sea.
Everyone was so shocked, no one could speak at first. And he'd continued, explaining that they serve him, and built Imladris for him. So it was right that they continue to serve him here in this 'new' Rivendell. He didn't mention the other option that they all knew, which is they could go to Nerdanel.
... Or be punished for their supposed crimes.
Of course, Gil-Galad had the edge of knowing how loyal they were to Elrond. His watchers had tracked Elrond and observed his meeting with them, and he'd been met by one that didn't have any weapons.
The Feanorean had gotten off their horse, and knelt on the ground before him, which was just mud where they were. They talked.
Then Elrond'd asked for another one to come out, apparently, and when the elf did, Elrond had given him a bag of healing materials. And seemed to be explaining some type of healing instructions.
His spy had told Gil-Galad in disbelief that the elf had looked like he might cry but held it together. Of course Elrond had flouted all conventional wisdom and insanely went to meet the kinslayers with no weapon and no armor; everyone had assumed that was so obvious that no one had ever said anything about it. He didn't even wear a nice outfit, or the adornment appropriate for his status as the heir of two dynasties.
Or maybe three, Gil-Galad had mused privately.
The original elf had returned when the other one went back to their makeshift camp, and clearly had told Elrond they would come with him and help build this valley city he'd had a vision of.
And so off they went, with Glorfindel and Erestor in tow. No one in Lindon could quite believe it, but anything seemed possible with Elrond at the helm, to be honest. That belief was widespread at least. His incredible healing ability and foresight about many things was widely considered sacred.
He himself was treated by his people like a minor god, not that he seemed to notice, as he had no use for court or pomp and circumstance. Elrond wore plain clothes, rarely remembered to eat on his own and his greatest vice was books and plants [if they had healing properties.]
And he already had Glorfindel as his personal bodyguard, though Gil-Galad thought he was more like his friend, really. Despite his early life circumstances, Elrond was gentle, kind, smart and very impressive.
Though he was a healer, his skills with a sword and at riding were better than many of the elves at Lindon. And he was extremely well read. Elros they had known less about before he left for his island; he hadn't been interested in even learning the names of elves in Lindon.
Both the twin boys advancement in so many areas had made Gil-Galad realize they may not have been the starved, beaten hostages all assumed. Instead they seemed ... fine. Normal. They looked well.
Gil-Galad told Maglor all about it privately after they met in Valinor, thinking he should know about his people -- that they had long served Elrond. Maglor had finally smiled and said, "They aren't mine anymore; they're his now."
The people closest to him physically are hardcore Feanoreans, extremely loyal to Maglor specifically -- well, loyal to Elrond more now, instead. Well, for a long time. They are pleased to do menial tasks for Elrond, knowing their presence means he is safe. No random elves put sheets on his bed, or wash his clothes, or create/sew/embroider his raiment.
The circle is seamless; it's of protection. And Elrond is not like the lords of old, who expected to be high and be served. Maglor raised him kindly, and he was naturally good anyway. So he thanks servants all the time as if they are his friends instead of his serfs, more like.
And over time, they became his friends in Imladris.
He greets the lady who cleans his bathtub respectfully. All the elves at Rivendell know he's like this, and it affects the culture of the city. Because if the most important, powered, high blooded person there is thanking the servant who brought him a cookie, then who is anyone else not to as well?
Elrond also talks to the people who serve him, and becomes friends with them. Of course to them he is a little child in their minds. They cannot forget knowing him as a tiny toddler who cried into Maglor's arms. Who hugged him and liked cookies. Who liked seeing a frog so much that he got so excited; it was adorable. Many feel terrible at how his life has gone, and are more devoted to him due to it.
While they were nice to him due to Maglor's obsession with the twin children back when they were only knee-high, now that Elrond is an adult and their savior to boot, many want to make up for what happened back then. Now everything for Elrond must be perfect, in their minds.
It's almost funny, because Elrond not only doesn't care about things being perfect, he barely notices. He follows his schedule that Erestor creates and runs around Rivendell with, in front of, or behind Glorfindel. It's like he's another version of Elros ... only extremely tall and broad. He looks comically huge compared to Elrond who is only averagely tall and very lean.
As soon as Elrond's meetings are over, he's back in his plain, simple clothes. He and Glorfindel do all sorts of things -- sometimes they go to the healing houses all the time. Or Elrond helps make medicines while Glorfindel talks to their soldiers.
Despite most of Rivendell's soldiers being Feanorean supporters, Glorfindel treats them with respect. It had endeared him to them.
During harvest time, Elrond always wants to pick some of each 'thing' and thank the plants for it. The Feanoreans know this is not just silly and cute; it's magic. They all silently, privately, remember him giving them enough to eat every year he was with them with his magic.
They are happy to make room for him to do this for obvious reasons. He cannot go bless animals or be near slaughter though, because it would affect his ability to heal. He cannot take life, not even on a simple hunt for pleasure in the forest; he must refrain. Elrond is such a famous healer that elves come from all over middle earth to seek his medical opinion. Even Thranduil comes once after he is injured.
Upon getting clemency from Gil-Galad and moving to help Elrond build Imladris, many begin to think about respecting the high king. When he actually arrives at Rivendell as the war with Sauron starts, and they all see how he treats Elrond ... and how Elrond is so happy to see him ... they willingly serve him.
They like how he looks at Elrond. Many look at Elrond in open admiration: for his looks, his magic powers, his healing ability, and he has his own city, and is the right hand of the most important elf alive in middle earth. But Gil-Galad looks at him with respect, and love, not just desire.
The high king does not order around Elrond's servants, but asks them for things politely.
Fingon is similarly extra polite, seeing Elrond as his own boy that's been denied him, since his Nelyo is one of his 'fathers'. No one corrects him; only Elrond and Maglor know the truth ... as well as many of the Feanorean supporters, who all keep silent. No one wants to hurt poor Finno. They are all aware that Elrond does not think of Maedhros that way at all.
Everyone pities Fingon. It's no secret that he cries over Nelyo endlessly.
They all make a point of including Finno in everything so he can distract himself from his pain if he wishes. Elrond does a lot of healing work with him, but Maglor knows he's asking him if he can 'practice some new ideas on him' for his profession. Then Finno would be 'doing him a favor'. Because he's an 'elf of the early years, of strong blood'.
Of course Finno is eager to agree. Elrond slowly improves him over time, and Fingon becomes calmer and clearly feels better.
There is always something going on at new Rivendell. The Lindon elves seem to be intrigued by their intense schedule. It's obvious to all that it's not like it's a top-down decision, as Elrond is the farthest thing from a taskmaster.
The weird extra holidays thing is Elrond's idea though -- he saw how despondent his Feanorean elves were when there was no work to be done, and nothing to do, so he started trying to brainstorm fun things they could all do together. Glorfindel helped too.
There had been lots of signs at the start in real, original Rivendell that the Feanoreans needed to feel like they were doing something. Working, helping, serving. Elrond had never felt like that, and Glorfindel neither, he could tell. But these other ones were from a different world, a different culture.
Once when he'd offhandedly said he thought maybe next summer they should think about building another greenhouse, perhaps, after really discussing it with everyone ... he found it completely finished in a few weeks -- in the dead of winter. Many hands make light work, especially since they all want to be involved.
So indeed, they have crazy festivals all the time, made-up holidays, and things like that. They have silly competitions, and athletic ones too every few months. Of course 'Lindir' does not participate in the musical contests, for obvious reasons. He would win for several reasons.
For competing in any competition, elves get a literal cookie, given to them by Elrond himself; and the winner gets two cookies. Elrond will never forget the looks on the Feanorean elves' faces when he explained when he was planning, or when they realized he was serious and literally handed out cookies.
Some started giggling, and Elrond laughed too; and when receiving their sweets others couldn't stop smiling at the silliness of it.
While he does like all this it's very tiring to personally speak to so many elves. He does not watch the competitions, telling Erestor that he can't possibly go to some and not others, it would seem rude. Erestor has enough trouble getting him to wear appropriate outfits for his rank, blood, power and wealth, so he gives up.
The Feanorean elves treat him with extreme submission, which is silly. He tries to be casual with them, and talk to them as if they were anyone, but they seem to like to maintain their respectful deference.
It's quite nonsense to Elrond, who knows they've all seen him have toddler tantrums and know that Makalaure used to make him take baths and would put a bath bubble on his hand if he were good. And that he excitedly told random Feanorean elves about it.
They've all seen him cry because he got his shoe dirty in mud by accident. And they've definitely all seen Maglor hold him, and soothe him, and cuddle him when he was a baby many, many times.
So all this fancy pretend play is very much not needed. And yet they won't give it up. At least they all seem happy to see him, which is nice of them.
At first it was nice to live with people he knew loved Maglor too. And then later when he found him in the flesh, it was nice to have people there who understood how important it was that Maglor recover at his own pace. He hid in Elrond's literal bedroom for centuries.
It took actual eons for him to slowly make steps towards even speaking to his family's retainers. But they understood, with Elrond barely having to explain it.
"It's nice to have lazy days," Elrond says one morning while Maglor is still in bed. He lays down next to him on top of the covers and Maglor snuggles into his half embrace. Elrond strokes his [very short again] hair.
It always feels like absolution when Elrond touches him. He feels peaceful for a moment, like nothing ever happened. It's like a drug. He closes his eyes and enjoys being alive. Glorfindel comes in and says he's going to go play some ball games with his fighter elves for fun, and Elrond bids him goodbye.
When Glorfindel leaves Elrond physically for any reason, lots of elves go both off with him and lots of other ones go and stay where Elrond is, as a guard.
Maglor rests until after the afternoon. In the meantime, Elrond reads while he lays against him. Maglor likes his life. He doesn't like to think about how he's still alive though. He'd really prefer to be dead, but it's a pro and con list kind of thing. They'e talked about it.
Who knows about the void, if in Mandos he'd have to talk to his family [all of them presumably], he'd have to see his father again, and also he'd miss Elrond. And he'd be hurting him again for the millionth time both by him and in general for his little boy.
He likes being alive. Maglor has said he likes eating his soup [sometimes], he likes being warm, he likes Elrond. He likes his blankets. Obviously he likes his harps very much.
After Elrond has been in Valinor for a while, his grandparents [the real ones] on both sides want his attention. They both ask him to visit them all the time.
Sometimes they say in letters 'you pick where we meet' because of course they are all trying to avoid saying 'we know all your people, your servants, are Feanoreans and we are very uncomfortable to be around them ... and also is Maglor really kept there by you like a prisoner?!'
Elrond politely sidesteps any issues like this, and they try to too, which pleases Maglor. Though he does not speak of it unless he and Elrond are discussing it.
Elwing sends Maglor a letter, which he opens unawares until he glances down and sees the signature. ... Elwing of Dior of Doriath.
It says:
"I am working on being alive again, I got back from Mandos recently. I am not so ill now, so I hope Elrond can forgive me my poor attempt at being his mother before. I am trying to be better.
I am sorry I came at you with the jewel. I was afraid of you being in Aman, that you would kill me. I couldn't think of anything else, until I did it. I couldn't eat or sleep. I need to sleep because I am not an elf. I guess you know that though because of Elrond. I assume he is like me.
I can see things now from other perspectives. So I am sorry I hurt you like that. And after your pardon, too. You are a good child, unlike your brethren, to have saved my baby. Both of them. I appreciate what you did for them. It is hard for me to talk with Elrond as I keep thinking about what I did, how I got our city destroyed, how I left my little children to die.
But now he is here. And it is thanks to you. So thank you for being nice to him. If you had not been there, I don't want to think of what would have happened to them. Something horrific obviously. Do you think Elrond would see me again sometime? Or should I wait for more centuries to pass. You are the only person I can ask who would answer me honestly."
Maglor is surprised by the letter. She is being very charitable.
He shows it to Elrond, of course. He can tell Elrond is surprised too. With his agreement, he writes back:
"I think he would be happy to see you again. I am sure of it. I don't think he thinks of it like you are saying -- you were in an impossible position after many terrible things had happened. He knows that. I always told the two of them that you both were heroes and they would meet you when they crossed the sea, and that you were thinking of them. I am sorry for my part in everything."
To his surprise, Elwing writes back, a lot. She says she wants to invite Elrond to her tower, but she never eats real food and also her tower is not very fancy. So could he come too and beforehand could he tell her what food she should buy for Elrond?
They go visit her. Maglor helps her plan it, and tells Elrond she wants to surprise him so he must not read every letter she sends him. He agrees easily.
They go with Glorfindel to her tower and she is there, outside standing there, looking thin and nervous and afraid. Maglor feels sorry for her. The situation is hard for both Elrond and her.
They all say hello and then she just stands there, looking at them. Elrond just stands there too. Maglor decides to try something, and says, "Do you want to hear my apology?"
Elwing blinks and looks at him. She even makes head movements like a bird, he realizes now. Thank god Elrond doesn't act so overtly, oddly otherwordly, it would be hard to get used to.
"No," she says. "I think you are as trapped as I am."
Wow, that does not sound good. Maglor can feel a chill go through him, and he can feel his two friends' auras subtly alter at this statement.
"Indeed?" Elrond asks her calmly.
She looks at him. They're still outside. "I'd say we would have done the same things if we'd switched places, but he'd probably have done better than me," she says.
How strange, he thinks.
"I kind of wish we could trade," Elwing says to Maglor, looking sad. "I would feel much better having done your crimes than mine. There can never be a pardon for me. Everything is ruined forever."
"You need no pardon," Maglor says, and Elrond says too, "You have committed no crimes."
Glorfindel keeps silent the whole time, watching them all interact. Of course he's really here for if/when she starts trying to stab Maglor. He privately told Glorfindel if she's just non-lethally hurting him, to let her for a bit, as it might make her feel better to get a pound of flesh in return.
He above anyone knows what he really stole from her. Not just everything, but the love of her sons. Elrond was raised by him, and loved by him, and loved him. Not her. And he never will be that child again to be loved by his mother.
And Elros is beyond her reach forever.
Elwing looks at the two of them. "You both know, as I do, that I have. Though it seems the elf world that's not pro-Feanor will not admit it. I want to meet your father after the world is remade," she says to Maglor, as he gapes at her. I had some ideas for things and I thought maybe he would know if they could be invented."
"We could ask engineers right now," Elrond says, clearly deciding to not say anything about everything else she said.
"No," Elwing insists. "I will make a list. If it can be done, he would know," she tells Maglor.
They all lapse into silence again. Finally Elwing says, "Melian told me you've been studying magic," to Elrond, and he nods.
"I'm not very good, but it is interesting to try," he says.
She tilts her head and looks at him. "You are probably the best one at it, since no one else with our higher blood likes magic anyway."
Ie. her father Dior [who is dead forever] and herself.
"I saw my brothers in Mandos," she tells Elrond. They all silently gasp but try not to show it. "They are waiting for the world to be remade to return. They like having adventures there. I have told my mother already. The Valar made a secret exception for them, but not my father," she adds.
"It is good to hear that you saw them," Elrond says.
Maglor can feel the strain he's under through their intense bond. It's hard for him to know what to say. Elwing is not like normal elves. Or Elrond, or Earendil.
She is more scary, more fairy-like -- more like Melian, he assumes. He does not go near the valar, any of them, himself.
Also, Maglor feels pretty stressed himself. But it's not about him, it's about supporting Elrond. And also being respectful to someone whose life he destroyed.
"Can I visit you someday as a bird?" she asks Elrond, but she looks at Maglor too.
Why, he thinks; does she think he will try to bar her?
"Of course," Elrond says. "That would be nice."
Maglor smiles at her to show he's in agreement, as actually saying anything would both provide unneeded words since it's Elrond's city [and mother] and also he has no right to speak on this topic.
Since he drove her from her city, took her child.
"Thank you," Elwing tells her son. "I am going to fly away now. This has been stressful. I don't usually talk to people. I bought food in case you wanted some, it's inside," she gestures towards her tower. "Please try some, and take it with you, too. You can tell me next time if it was any good. I don't eat, myself, almost ever."
"Okay, thank you," Elrond says, and she nods at him. He awkwardly steps to her and gently hugs her. She puts a hand on him in return. Then he lets her go, very slowly, as it's clear she hasn't done things like this in perhaps thousands of years.
"Bye," she says, and he says bye. Then she literally turns into a big bird instantaneously in front of them and yes, flies away.
They watch her go. Elrond takes the hand of both Maglor and Glorfindel. "Let's go check out the food."
They walk in, following Elrond, and look around the tower. It's rather plain. Maglor feels even sorrier for her. She needed a peaceful life, and has never had it.
It's also hard not to feel sorry for her, despite her foolish decisions so long ago, because she looks so much like Elrond. It makes him unintentionally feel more for her; thank goodness Luthien is not going to pop up, because he'd probably feel the same way, he thinks.
Elwing bought what Maglor had suggested, which is little cookies. The three of them try them; Maglor puts one in his pocket instead of eating his. He'll give it to them later to eat. They'll think it's his preference for soft food, but it's actually that he doesn't like the idea of taking even more from people who's lives he destroyed.
And she's one of the ones, the many, on the list.
Glorfindel takes the rest cookies with him, and they finally leave, after Elrond looks around the tower. Then they make their way back home. Maglor feels pretty relieved, honestly.
By the time they get home, they are very tired, as they had to ride all the way there and then back. Glorfindel carries Maglor to their rooms, and Gil-Galad picks Elrond up off his horse; he was probably only staying on it with magic, at that point.
Gil-Galad takes Elrond, who is now literally almost falling asleep, into their suite of rooms and lays him on the bed next to Maglor. Glorfindel is busy taking off his traveling clothes and boots, and he tells Gil-Galad he'll do the same for Elrond, so Gil-Galad nods and leaves.
He often does that, he doesn't try to steal Elrond away. Maglor likes that about him.
They all rest together on Glorfindel's big bed in the other room, and he puts his head out the door to tell one of Elrond's personal servants that they're in for the night he thinks, to rest.
He often gives the servants status updates like that, Maglor's noticed. That's not something typical of Maglor's world, his original one. Elrond and Glorfindel are different kinds of people. Servants weren't really spoken to like that, in Maglor's time.
Once in a while Maglor thinks that he would love to hear what the Feanorean people of Elrond say or think about it, but doesn't ask. They all still treat Maglor like a ghostly, kingly ancient. It's nice of them, and most of the time his life is perfect [well, for the limit of what his life could be, that is]. He rarely has the energy to want something different anyway. It's just hard to be him.
Elrond and Glorfindel are simply irrespressible with their flaunting all normal conventions of rule and power. Glorfindel likes to help harvest food, even. Elrond actually wanders off sometimes and watches the Feanoreans make and build whatever they are doing, and asks questions.
Erestor has to hunt him down and tell him what's actually on his schedule.
Since the people of Galadriel [from middle earth] and Thranduil are so close, Elrond often goes over to their little 'kingdoms' and works on elves' old wounds. Many elves prefer him try to them having to go to the valar.