A Dying Desire to Live.

by Bell_S_APBF

Summary:

Destiny is inevitable, fate can be changed, and death is the final form of life.

When a mother leaves her baby at a doorstep, she only can hope it gives her child a better life than what she currently has, or to cut the string of connection she didn’t want.

The only factor she can’t control is who she had left her child to, that man was Akutagawa Ryuunosuke and his sister Gin. Port Mafia members, those who do not know compassion to those who aren’t of their blood.

What will the Akutagawa's do when a new form of life comes into their lives?

Chapter 1: A Child and it’s Destiny.

Destiny is inevitable, fate can be changed, and death is the final form of life.

When a mother leaves her baby at a doorstep, she only can hope it gives her child a better life than what she currently has, or to cut the string of connection she didn’t want.

The only factor she can’t control is who she had left her child to, that man was Akutagawa Ryuunosuke and his sister Gin. Port Mafia members, those who do not know compassion to those who aren’t of their blood.

Only 16 years old, Akutagawa did not know what to expect when he opened the front door of his home to see a baby in a small basket crying as it rained outside. The eyes of a man who had been through the abuse of his mentor and the gentle care of his sister looked at the baby with an expression of distaste.

The baby, its green and blue eyes crying, only trying to seek refuge helplessly cries from below.

The door slammed in front of it, Akutagawa refused to care for something like it, a symbol of innocence and weakness. His sister Gin asked, but he refused to answer. 

Akutagawa knew she would become sympathetic, but she was stubborn.

She opened the door to see the baby hiccuping from its cries from the cold weather. Quickly she held it close to her and brought it inside, much to the distaste of Akutagawa who said to leave it outside.

Gin refused, the same gray eyes as her brother looking back at his

”How could you just- How could you just leave it out to die?”

”We’re not keeping it.”

”You could’ve at least kept it alive till we found another home for it!”

”It’ll become a target, if it died now we wouldn’t have to get attached or hurt.”

The sting of Gin’s slap on his cheek stayed for a moment as the rain outside filled the void of silence between the two. Akutagawa knew she was much more compassionate than he was.

”Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, I may be the younger one but don’t you dare tell me I’m wrong. We’d be the same as those who abandoned us.”

Akutagawa felt his throat dry up, after that he helped Gin set a warm bath for the baby, and eventually made a bottle for the baby and let it drink milk. It was no longer shivering, now content in the arms of Gin as it was wrapped in a blanket and a makeshift diaper.

They lowered their voices as the baby slept, discussing what they should do. Give it to an orphanage? No, from past experience it was never good. Drop it at another house? No, the Mafia would ask where they went. Take it in? …It would work, but then they would have to tell someone. They were only teens, sure Akutagawa took care of Gin but only when she could already talk and walk, before that it was their parents…

It was the best shot they had, maybe they could tell…

Who could they turn to?

Not Dazai, certainly not from past experience. The demon prodigy was never kind.

Chuuya? He was a lot more compassionate but this certainly wasn’t his problem.

Ozaki? No, she was far too busy…

Boss?…No.

They were stumped, surely someone would be able to help? That’s what Gin thought, but Akutagawa knew that this already had to be secretive. 

The baby moved around in Gin’s arms, waking up to look at the two of them. Giggling as it raised its arms out towards them in a playful manner. Gin couldn’t help but aww at the baby, but Akutagawa was still reserved as he knew neither of them would have time to take care of it properly other than feeding it so why get affectionate?

Once the time hit 10pm, they fixed a small bed for the child in their shared bedroom near Gin’s bed. Once they knew for sure it was asleep they went to rest as well, although it only lasted an hour until the baby began to cry loudly. Akutagawa begrudgingly decided to care for it so Gin wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of not falling asleep tomorrow morning.

The baby settled down once Akutagawa managed to change it’s diaper by using a small towel instead.

Akutagawa couldn’t help but stare at the baby once it fell asleep again on the bathroom counter where he had changed it.

How could something be so defenseless..?

So unbothered?

So…Innocent?

He hated it, he hated that he couldn’t be like this again.

Not anymore.

Before he could think of anything else he found himself cradling the baby, it was content laying in his arms. It reminded him of Gin when she was only a baby, when life had been so much simpler.

Akutagawa felt warm, something he hasn’t felt in a while.

It was…different.

The baby’s small amount of hair was a dark shade of red now that he actually looked at it. Chubby cheeks, and it ready seemed like it would have a small stature. Considering all that they’ve done he should probably stop calling the baby an it as if it’s not human.

Akutagawa knew it was a baby boy, from the bath and changing their diaper.

Although they didn’t come with a name.

Akutagawa walked back inside of the bedroom, he sat on the floor next to the baby where they slept in their small bed again, they held one of Akutagawa’s fingers as it slept.

”Hatsue…That’ll be your name..” Akutagawa whispered, pulling his finger away and slipping back into his bedsheets and closing his eyes for the rest of the night, awaiting what the next morning had to offer.

Chapter 2: More than Enough.

The following days were a mix of brutal training and attempts at getting baby supplies for Hatsue, who sat alone for those lonely days. However, once the to siblings got home, no matter how beat up they were, no matter how tired they were they always came back to feed, clean, and care for Hatsue.

Ryuunosuke warmed up to Hatsue, much to his displeasure since Gin wouldn’t stop teasing him about it. Hatsue was happy, but they noticed that Hatsue was losing weight due to their time away being extensively during the middle of the day.

They had to tell someone to look after Hatsue while they were gone, they had to tell boss about this even if they didn’t want to. Mori had resources, maybe he could get a few guards to take care of Hatsue? But it’s Mori. No one likes him, They both don’t and who knows what crazy plan Mori will make after he gets his eyes on Hatsue. An Infant who can be easily manipulated in the future.

Maybe..He could ask Dazai what to do? He had to ask where Dazai went when they weren’t training…

Akutagawa found himself inside Chuuya’s small apartment, being invited inside after knocking on the door. A warm cup of tea in his hands while Chuuya had a small glass of wine, Akutagawa cleared his throat before speaking up.

”Nakahara-san, I appreciate the tea and all but I came here to ask if you know where Dazai-san goes in his free time? I have..something to ask him.”

Chuuya’s mood dampened quickly at the mention of Dazai, but since it was Akutagawa it was to be expected.

”If I got be honest kid, I don’t care enough to wonder where that suicidal manic goes off to on his free time. Maybe Boss could help you with that?”

”No, um. Sorry but this…I’m trying not to get him..involved in this.”

Chuuya raised an eyebrow, a little more intrigued now.

”Can I ask why?”

”..I..” Akutagawa sighed, “Someone abandoned a baby at the front door of my home a week ago..and I need someone to take care of him while me and Gin are gone. That’s all.”

Akutagawa could see Chuuya’s face contort into concern.

”Damn..well, I won’t say anything about it.” Chuuya looked down at his glass of wine, “I can help you, I can get some of my subordinates to take care of..?”

”Hatsue.”

”-That can take care of Hatsue for you while you two are gone. I can’t say that this won’t spread once they know so just prepare yourself if it does, alright kid?”

”I understand, thank you Nakahara-san. Thank you so much.”

Akutagawa let out a breath he didn't know he was clinging onto, he was glad Chuuya helped, even though Akutagawa wanted to keep it secretive..he was glad someone else knew. Someone he could trust.

“Can I meet Hatsue?”

”Huh?- oh um, yes.” Akutagawa cleared his throat again, “Yes you can.”

After that, they finished their drinks and headed back towards Akutagawa’s home, where Gin was currently sleeping on the couch with Hatsue sleeping in a small bed next to her on the floor. Akutagawa couldn’t help but feel at ease now that he saw them, Chuuya noticed the small smile on Akutagawa’s face.

Chuuya walked over to see Hatsue from a distance, smiling before he turned his head towards Akutagawa and asked in a low whisper, 

”Is Hatsue a boy or girl?”

“A boy.”

”mhm, well I wish you guys good luck. Also if you ever need a break from taking care of Hatsue, call me over and you and Gin can rest.”

”Really?”

”Really really, it’s not my first time taking care of babies. Especially when I was even younger than you.”

Akutagawa nodded, and bowed towards Chuuya.

”A thousand thanks Nakahara-san.”

”Call me Chuuya kid, and it’s no problem really. See you around kid.”

Chuuya headed back, closing the door behind him quietly so as to not wake Gin or Hatsue and Akutagawa only waved him a goodbye.

Akutagawa took off his shoes and headed towards the living room, sitting in front of Hatsue who was still sleeping soundly, Akutagawa poked Hatsue’s cheeks lightly, feeling the soft skin as Hatsue began to open his eyes. Giggling as they took notice of Akutagawa and grabbed at his finger, and Gin who stirred awake after hearing Hatsue before eyeing Akutagawa to only fall asleep once again.

What more could Akutagawa ask for?

Nothing more than this peaceful moment to last forever, a life that only involved them living peacefully on the side of the shore playing in the ocean.

Akutagawa would have found something better than the port mafia, Gin could finally do and be whatever she wanted, and Hatsue could enroll in school and find a life more fulfilling than what they had to deal with.

…

Damn the Port Mafia, he won’t let Hatsue’s blood be tainted black. Not again, he won’t let Hatsue fall like Gin and he did all those years ago.

Akutagawa took out a small notebook from a cabinet, and began to write…

Hatsue’s Life Plan.

1.  Make it past 2 years old, settle for daycare instead of Port Mafia subordinates.
2. Enroll in preschool and k-12.
3. Hatsue a better living situation.

Do this no matter what it takes.

That was the plan, one that Akutagawa promised himself he wouldn’t break. One that he couldn’t mess up, what kind of big brother would he be if he messed up twice? Break the wings of a bird that hasn’t even flown yet?

Notes:

Rahhh, Final exams are Wednesday and then I'll be (sorta) free!!

I hope you enjoyed, see you guys in the next one. :]

Chapter 3: Flying out of the Nest.

As one could imagine, Akutagawa found himself giving a list of chores for Chuuyas subordinates. What to do if Hatsue was crying, when to feed him, and what they could do to keep Hatsue happy. Unfortunately, they messed it up after only a few days. Akutagawa found a few cigarette burns on the back of his couch which wasn’t great for a baby’s lungs.

It also managed to cause quite a bit of gossip around the Port mafia, and into the ears of Dazai. Much to the dismay of Akutagawa when Dazai Antagonized him during training.

Akutagawa coughed and coughed, spitting blood out as he tried to catch his breath after getting kicked again. Everything was a blur, which Dazai exploited.

“Get up, don’t even take a second to rest. You’ve been slacking.”

Akutagawa could only feel his nose dripping with a mixture of snot, blood and the tears running down his cheeks. Not from feeling of uselessness, but just from pain. The burning in each breath, and the only thoughts in his head were of the warm feeling of being back home.

“Get up, If you think you’re going home by slacking off. I’ll just make you stay longer, or else I’ll have to take Hatsue from you.”

No, Don’t.

Is what he would’ve liked to say if he could breathe.

Akutagawa’s blood shot eyes met Dazai’s, Dazai’s gaze narrowed. If there was ever a staring contest, this must’ve been the longest Akutagawa’s ever participated in.

That’s when he blinked and his body moved on its own, or maybe that’s what he told himself when he lunged at Dazai. Mindlessly shouting at him, trying to hit him, or even bite at him. The only way he managed to stop was when he failed to notice Dazai pull out his gun and shoot him in the leg.

Only then was Akutagawa pushed away and left on the floor to bleed out. Dazai’s expression…It was something he’s never seen before. Like this wasn’t something that Dazai thought he was capable of doing.

But there he was, laying on the floor bleeding out, deviant of Dazai's orders. Maybe that's what he should have done since the very beginning, it was better now than for the rest of his life.

That's when his body felt lighter, when his vision became blurry, and when he lost consciousness.

What is it that you wish for?

To protect, to serve, and live.

Who exactly do you do this for Ryuunosuke?

My family.

Not yourself?

No, I survive so that they can live.

Then who are you?

A brother.

I think I'm okay with just that title.

I am.

You are.

“RYUUNOSUKE!”

Gin called out, Akutagawa blinked and looked around briefly, his eyes landed on Gin holding Hatsue in her arms. Besides them was Chuuya, a relieved look on his face once he saw Akutagawa open his eyes.

“Oh thank god..” was what Akutagawa heard Chuuya utter underneath his breath.

“What…what happened?” 

“Dazai shot your leg and let you bleed out, what the hell happened kid?”

Akutagawa's eyes narrowed, he sat up and held out his arms for Gin to give him Hatsue which Gin did so.

“Dazai-san knows about Hatsue, “ Hatsue held Akutagawa’s pinky while Akutagawa’s expression turned to a frown “I'm not sure how we could stay here anymore. For Hatsue’s sake.”

Gin only nodded, and Chuuya tensed.

“It's not easy to leave the Port Mafia kid.”

“It's not easy living in it either.”

Akutagawa could feel the pain coming back to his leg, and the stress wasn't making it any better.

“Chuuya-san, if you were told to kill us if we left. Would you?”

“....”

“I need your honest answer. I know how loyal you are to the Port Mafia.”

“I wouldn't, but somebody else would.”

Akutagawa kissed Hatsue on the forehead. Hatsue let out a small giggle.

“Thank you, for helping..but I think we both know what I want to plan next.”

“No kidding” Chuuya stood up from his chair, “but before I go. I suggest changing your whole identity then. It'll give you more of a chance to move somewhere else.”

Akutagawa nodded, and Chuuya walked out of the room, eventually leaving their home.

Gin only looked at Akutagawa holding Hatsue in his arms. The silence was uneasy, but a little hopeful. 

“What do you think of my new name being ‘Kira Saito’?”

“Hm, then I would be ‘Akita Saito’. I like it.”

“You think so? Hm…What do you think about moving somewhere near the Mountains?”

“We'd be shoveling a lot of snow during winter, but…maybe we could finally have a normal Christmas.”

“Yeah. A normal Christmas.”

A normal Christmas, a normal job, a normal house and a normal family. 

The snow that they’ll get to shovel each winter as Hatsue grows and plays in the snow and builds snowmen. While they throw a few snowballs and help Hatsue make a snow angel, taking pictures and putting them in a scrapbook. Something to keep memories in them instead of thinking that today might be your last so you won't get to look back on the past, even for the happy moments. Big or small.

“I can already see the snow falling.”

Notes:

This one sure is a little angsty, don't worry.

plan on making it a little happier. Hopefully.

Driving is so tiring, anywho see you in the next chapter! :]

Chapter 4: Fresh from The Ashes

It took some time before they finally got their plan to start, but once they were ready to go they started with the first step.

The first step Ryuunosuke and Gin took were making themselves their new Identities. Dying their hair dark red to match Hatsue, even getting colored eye contact lenses or cutting their hair.

Gin especially, she cut it short, a pixie cut.

Akutagawa thought it suited her, while he cut the hair that were on the sides of his face. Gin thought he looked weird without them. He agreed.

But that was the point, they looked like different people.

“We have everything we need. We have to go before anyone notices we're gone.”

Akutagawa packed the final bag, it wasn't much but it was the essentials they needed. Tickets to the next few trains they would be taking to the farthest place they can get to.
After that, they'd have to settle down somewhere and plan if they were detected at all.

That was the tricky part.

How many people would he have to kill before they could even make it to the station, let alone all the way towards the mountains?

Hatsue was fast asleep, in Gin’s arms as she waited for Akutagawa’s signal they should leave.

Their rooms, empty, bare of any previous attachment or personality akin to their's. 

Rooms that they had earned.

“Are we going?”

“Yes, make sure Hatsue doesn't wake up.”

Akutagawa left one thing, the jacket Dazai-san had given him when he was found.

He adorned a new one. It was gray. Almost the exact same, just a little shorter. Much more comfortable. 

The walk to the train station was quiet, passing by places they had began to grow attached to. It was better than the slums. 

Maybe they'd miss it.

Maybe they could come back one day.

…

The train was busy.

Akutagawa let Gin sit down, she was carrying Hatsue. Standing next to her as she made sure Hatsue was still sound asleep while he made sure at what station they'd stop at next. 

It was going well.

A little too well. 

Something had to go wrong.

There was no possible way that he had outsmarted Dazai.

His savior, mentor, the Demon Prodigy. 

Everyone else on this train, could they be apart in capturing them again?

The looks in their eyes.

He clenched onto the railing above him, his eyes darting around everyone. 

They were going to kill them.

He could feel his ability activating, Rashomon's head appearing from his coat.

Everything seemed dark.

His focus on the strangers around them.

His eye twitching.

Would he do this?

He could.

He could kill everyone in this train.
Just to make sure they'd get to the next station without being detected. 

“Ryuunosuke..”

Gin, she tugged at his hand. Snapping him out of any trance he may have been in. Rashomon disappearing as well.

Akutagawa blinked, turning towards her. 

Worry, that's all he saw.

“Sorry.”

“We're fine..we're safe.”

It was more reassurance. Not a fact.

Akutagawa wasn't sure what to take of it. He just nodded, turning back to the screen that showed what station would be next, then back at the ticket.

He would only start a scene if he had killed everyone. 
It would've made where they were obvious with all the carnage he could've made.

The way there, to the mountains, would be long and troubling to him. He's scared.

…

They got off the final station. 

Greeted by the breeze, air fresh from the trees. It was almost like stepping into a dream.

Hatsue had woken up by now. Starring at the sky and the surroundings as they walked around.
Not like there was much to see. It was a small town they had ended up in.

“Are you hungry?”

“I'll be okay, we should look for somewhere to stay first.”

Gin said as she grabbed a milk bottle from her backpack, feeding Hatsue as they passed a few small homes and businesses. Akutagawa was on the lookout for any hotel, or anything they could afford to stay in.

What bothers him, is the silence that's occasionally accompanied by the birds chirping or the few people outside talking to each other. Most of those were older,grandmother's and grandfather's.

It should feel normal. 

Or was he odd for thinking that?

“How much for one room and one night?”

Akutagawa was busy with the receptionist at the small hotel he'd found for them. Gin thought it was odd, then again all she cared about was that Hatsue had somewhere that had air conditioning. Somewhere where they wouldn't freeze for the night.

Hatsue seemed so happy. Looking around and laughing whenever she did something to make him laugh. 
She wished he'd be like that forever. That Hatsue wouldn't have to stop smiling. 

“I'll carry him, you can eat.” 

“Have you not eaten already?”

“I'll eat something else.”

Gin handed Akutagawa Hatsue, which giggled while he was in Akutagawa’s arms.

Akutagawa had gotten something from the hotel kitchen, a full blown meal for Gin to eat since that's all they could afford for now. He'd eat whatever crumbs were left.

“After tonight, we'll go further up by foot. I heard from the locals that most of them had built their homes from the trees. We'll do the same.”

“Have you ever built a house before? I don't think you can.”

“It'll be easy. I have rashomon.”

“Well,, Yeah, cutting down wood would be the easy part..but..”

“But what?”

“Your not an architect.”

Akutagawa huffed, “Then what do you suggest we do?”

“We could ask someone in the town to help us.”

“We cannot afford to speak with these people. One of them might be a spy..”

“..A spy? All the way out here? Outside of Yokohama?”

“A few men from the Port Mafia traveled outside of the country, who is to say one is not stationed here?”

“..You better know how to build something by tomorrow, or else I'm going to ask someone here.”

“Gin.”

“Ryuunosuke.”

Hatsue starred at them, seemingly confused.

Notes:

It's been a while..sorry.
Been very very busy and at some point I stopped looking at Ao3 for a while. Apologies

Chapter 5: Planting Seeds

Summary:

Building a home seems easier than it looks, but building trust again seems even harder.

Building, building was hard. Just like Gin said, but that didn't stop Akutagawa from building.

No matter how bad it looked.

 

Even with how tired he was growing, with how unstable his breathing was becoming.

This wasn't something he could push aside for later.

 

Especially when their night at the hotel had ended, leaving them homeless.

 

The sun was a ticking time bomb.

 

No shelter, or even a fire would mean certain hypothermia for Hatsue.

 

Akutagawa didn't want to wake up to see Hatsue's cold body.

Unmoving and blue in the morning. 

 

That, that he couldn’t bear to even imagine.

 

“Kira!”

 

Gin called out, carrying Hatsue in her arms while she walked up the hill Akutagawa was currently building on…with a local behind her.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I've got someone to help.”

 

“Gi- Akita . I said I was fine.”

 

The local, who was behind Gin, popped in.

 

“I’ve been building homes in this village for some time now, I’m sure I can help-”

 

“Nonsense. Akita, get this man away. I still have so much to do.”

 

Before Gin could speak again, the man spoke again.

 

“Kid, you won’t be building anything sufficient at this rate. I’m a trained professional, and by the look of it you two kids need help. So please, let me help.”

 

Ryuunosuke felt his right eye twitch irritably, fist clenched tightly, and Gin could notice how his body tensed at the suggestion of help. Of pity.

 

“...What is your name?”

 

“Nobuharu Sosuke, but everyone calls me Niko.”

 

“..Fine then, Nobuharu, you shall help us but do not expect any sort of payment.”

 

“Didn’t think I would kid.”

 

The man was overly positive, and to Ryuunosuke’s demise Hatsue absolutely adored the older man who was helping them. Helping with the wood chopping and getting the materials from and to the village with ease, which made Ryuunosuke’s work load. 

 

Especially after he had to take a break, switching spots with Gin to hold Hatsue and feed him while Gin continued the work with Nobuharu. Though time never seemed to be on their side. There was barely any foundation by the time the sun was setting and their stomachs were growling, and Ryuunosuke could see his cold breath through the air. While Hatsue’s small hand wrapped around his pinky, still warm and soft.

 

Ryuunosuke could see the look of concern on Gin’s face as she settled down beside him on a tree log, huddling close to him.

 

 “It’s not enough, not enough for tonight..”

 

“I know. We’ll just have to stay up all night to make sure the fire doesn’t go out tonight, and we’ll have to give our sweaters and whatever else we have for Hatsue to use as blankets.”

 

“Right..”

 

Though, Nobuharu still hadn’t left yet. Settling some wood down next to the foundation before turning towards the others.

 

“We have a lot of progress done, but it’s gonna be extra cold tonight. C’mon, I’ll let you three stay over until it's finished. Plus I bet you guys are pretty hungry huh?”

 

Huh? This was…new.

 

“Wait what-? Stay over?”

 

“Yeah? Doesn’t look like you three can just stay out here all night, yer all gonna freeze. It’s no trouble really.”

 

Gin and Ryuunosuke looked at each other, their expressions changing as if they were speaking to each other telepathically on their options, before turning back, Ryuunosuke spoke.

 

“Very well, but try anything and I’ll have you beheaded.”

 

“Right, well, C’mon and follow me.”

 

The walk there wasn’t anything exciting, a few birds still flying in the sky before they’d too have to get into their nests for the night to keep from the cold.

 

Nobuharu’s home was small but comfortable, and it seemed the man liked anything to do with birds, considering the artwork on the walls. Some of them seemed to have been painted on the ceiling as well.

 

Pushing that aside, Gin helped feed Hatsue again while Ryuunosuke helped make dinner with Nobuharu. Even with little cooking expertise, Ryuunosuke seemed to be a good cooking assistant. They had just made some curry and rice, but it had all of them salivating from just the smell. 

 

While Nobuharu, Ryuunosuke, and Gin were eating dinner; Hatsue was sleeping peacefully on the couch wrapped in a soft blanket that Nobuharu had given Gin for Hatsue to use.

 

The feeling of warmth seeped through Ryuunosuke’s body as he ate, even the feeling of tension seemed to fade away as he ate. Nobuharu could tell that these two siblings hadn’t had a good experience like this in some time. With the way they always asked before they could have seconds even when the food was right in front of them to eat, it was…concerning.

 

But Nobuharu could tell they wouldn’t open up yet, since they’d just arrived in the village yesterday. Why? That’s something he’d just have to wait and ask for, if they even spoke to him again after building their home.

 

But, with their stomachs full and tired eyes, bedtime was soon. Even the brother, Kira, seemed to be falling under the spell of a hot meal and exhaustion. So while those two took care of cleaning up the dishes, Nobuharu made sure that the guest room was in good shape. Fluffing out the pillows and switching the thin blankets to thick ones, and even setting up a small cot from when his son was just a baby. Some of the paint was faded, but the structure was still sound.

 

After Nobuharu had shown Ryuunosuke and Gin where the bathroom was and their bedroom they'd be staying in, they brought Hatsue to the cot, settling him in and making sure he was next to the bed in case of emergency. Saying a goodnight to the older man before closing the door and turning on a lamp inside the room. Whispering to avoid waking Hatsue.

 

“I told you we’d need help.”

 

“...You were right...if I didn’t listen to you Hatsue would’ve...”

 

Ryuunosuke fidgeted with his thumbs, sitting down on the edge of the bed while Gin was taking her boots off.

 

“..But he isn’t, he’s in a warm home, in a cot, and well fed.”

 

Ryuunosuke shook his boots off as well, tossing them aside before laying down in bed.

 

“...I’m sorry.”

 

“...what for?”

 

“..My selfishness, my selfish wish that dragged you with me.”

 

Gin frowned, sitting beside him, legs crossed.

 

“..I’d rather be dragged with you than left behind.”

 

“What did I do to deserve such a good sister?”

 

“You practically raised me, I got a good attitude from you. You just haven’t seen that in yourself for a long time.”

 

Ryuunosuke shut his eyes, letting out a deep sigh.

 

“Perhaps.” 

 

With a heavy hand, he reached for the lamp, and turned off the light.

Notes:

Man it's been a long time since I've posted anything.
I'm about to start college soon. crazyy.
and I actually have a laptop now, so I don't have to write on my phone anymore!
no more spelling mistakes. :]

I'll write more now whenever I have free time, its a lot easier to write on a keyboard.

Chapter 6: Snowfall, and the taste of Iron.

The fall started to seep its way into the winter, and the house was built before the first snow flakes drifted through the wind.

 

The house was beautiful, warm and for once in their lives they could experience the mountain snow. Snow that would go above their feet and as soft as clouds to make snow angles. 

 

Nobuharu kept them warm, offering wood for them to use for their chimney, and even old winter jackets.

 

Hatsue had even grown enough to start crawling around the house.

 

Ryuunoske nearly cried, and so did Gin.

 

Because, Ryuunoske wasn’t expecting Hastue to grow into such a beautiful flower. 

 

Who’d been growing in a malnourished garden.

 

And who’d been planted there just out of luck.

 

Though, admittedly, Ryuunoske wouldn’t have had it either way.

 

“C’mon! Let's go play in the snow!”

 

“Alright alright, let me just put my scarf on.” 

 

Gin was excited, and while he tried to be disinterested about the snow…he did want to build a snow man at the very least.

 

Before he could dwell on it, he found himself outside in the snow with Gin dragging him along, holding his hand as he could hear her giggles.

 

She kicked the snow towards him, which of course made him raise his arms to prevent himself from getting snow in the face.

 

Ryuunoske found himself smiling while he tossed some snow towards her, and even chased her as she ran away to get no snow on her. Though they both found themselves throwing snowballs at each other as they continued to play in the snow.

It had been a long time since they’d felt this joyous.

Maybe if they’d been wiser as children, they could’ve ran away from the slums and come here sooner.

 

But there would’ve been no way to be here without Hatsue, it wouldn’t be the same. Not in a million years.

 

“Cough– I think that's enough for now– Cough– Gin —”

 

“Ryuu-! Are you okay–?”

 

Ryuunoske grabbed onto her arm, helping him regain his bearings from laughing and talking.

It must be the cold.

 

“Alright..let's head back home, I’ll start up a warm bath while you get your clothes. I’ll feed Hatsue while you bathe.”

 

Ryuunoske could only hum in response, his throat felt much dryer than before. He could taste iron on his tongue after he had coughed that second time. He didn’t want to dim Gin’s mood.

 

While Gin prepared the bath he grabbed some fresh clothes, while Hatsue was in his cot, sleeping soundly. He stared at Hatsue for a moment before turning towards the bathroom where Gin was waiting for him.

 

“The water’s all ready.” Gin said as she turned towards him, “Take your time.”

 

“You act as if we don’t have it. It’s barely morning.” Ryuunoske said as he placed his fresh clothes on the bathroom sink, 

 

“We still haven’t eaten breakfast, and we don’t have a lot of food. So I have to go down to the village.” Gin reminded him.

 

"I?" Ryuunosuke raised and eyebrow.

 

"Yes 'I', you're already coughing from the cold, I don't want you catching a cold." Gin told him, "I'll grab some groceries and come back."

 

"Absolutely not, I'm not letting you go down there by yourself. Not when I'm not there to protect you." Ryuunoske protested, even when he could feel his lungs struggle to suppress an upcoming cough, which he failed to cover up miserably. Coughing into his left hand for a few moments before pulling his hand away to see some blood.

 

"Ryuu..." Gin looked scared, coming up to him and  making him sit down on the edge of the tub. "...I can't let you over exert yourself like this. Not when I can do some things by myself now and watch you rot like this." She moved a strand of his hair out of his eyes.

 

Ryuunoske could only hide his face on her chest, trying to regain his bearings. Feeling a little light headed.

 

Damn him.

 

Why did he have to be so weak?

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

“It's okay. I know you mean well..” Gin ran her fingers through his hair, “but I have to help you too.”

 

Gin was too understanding for her own good. Even though she was in the mafia it never cracked her soft shell. He was glad it didn’t, not when his shell was already cracked and bruised.

 

“Once you're feeling okay, and it’s warm enough outside. I’m taking you to the doctor to see what the issue is.” Gin was firm in her resolve. “But first, take a bath and I’ll feed Hatsue meanwhile. I’ll go for groceries and come back.” 

 

“Right.. very well." Ryuunoske nodded, watching as Gin left the bathroom before he closed the door behind him.

 

While Ryuunoske bathed, Gin was in the living room with Hatsue. Feeding him some baby food while he was on her lap. Spilling some of the baby food while Hatsue fussed onto the floor, while she just sighed in slight defeat.

 

“You don’t really like carrots do you?” Gin chuckled, while Hatsue only pouted before grabbing onto her shirt.

 

“Maybe I should just get you changed..” Gin looked at him, seeing how much he'd grown since then. “Oh man..you sure are big now.” It made her smile.

 

Gin could only reminisce for so long before she carried Hatsue to the bedroom to change his diaper and into some warmer clothes before Ryuunoske finished bathing, and once he did he was met with the sight of Hatsue babbling happily while Gin played with him on the bed.

 

Moments like these made his chest warm, even when he could feel his lungs rattle weakly.

 

“Ready to go to the Village?” he asked,

 

“Born ready.” Gin got up from the bed, putting her shoes back on before heading out. Waving goodbye before leaving.

 

Leaving just Ryuunoske and Hatsue by themselves.

 

Ryuunoske lay flat on the bed next to Hatsue who was blabbing and playing with a toy, while he struggled with the feeling of weakness he felt in his chest.

 

Why did he struggle so much? 

 

Why was his body so weak?

 

He hated that Gin had to even lay a finger on a single chore.

 

He hated that he struggled to carry Hatsue more and more as the boy grew each passing day.

 

What was wrong with him?

Notes:

A little bit of a cliffhanger, but I'm tired and busy so.. my bad ya'll

Notes:

Akutagawa's my favorite and my brain said that they needed something to brighten their life up. <3

I"m not sure where this will go, but I hope you guys like it!

I'll draw my little oc for this fic eventually!

see you in the next Chapter :]