Chapter Text
You have only one New Year's resolution this year. For once it isn't trying to sleep earlier or eat more vegetables or cut down on your caffeine consumption.
You're going to tell your best friend you love her.
It's quite possibly the most terrifying resolution you've ever had (it is, actually) but it's long overdue.
You met her two years ago in the university cafeteria. As a second year, you'd taken pity on the freshman struggling with the vending machine (you have to tap it gently in three different places, you'd explained). When she grinned in thanks and bought you a bag of sour patch kids for your time you knew she was someone you'd want to run into again.
And you did. Before you knew it you were grabbing take out and getting together to study and having movie marathons. And then you were telling her everything because she was the easiest person to talk to you'd ever met. She filled the void of loneliness you'd been carrying around for longer than you'd care to admit.
It wasn't that you had no other friends. But there was a level of comfort you had with her that you'd never felt with anyone else.
She was kind and bold and determined and beautiful and it didn't take you long to realize you were drawn to her in a variety of different ways. More often that not these ways merged themselves into a confusing mass and for a while you couldn't differentiate much from anything. But the day you realize she's cemented herself so deep within your life it'd be excruciatingly painful to tear her out is the day you realize you love her.
That was a year and a half ago.
JANUARY
Korra lies with her head in your lap and her legs dangling over the side of your couch. You feed her forkfuls of chow mein periodically, as per her request, and try to pay attention to the movie you're playing.
But you're distracted. Korra offers phyiscal affection with such a blissful unawareness of what it does to you and if you didn't love it so much it'd be irritating.
She snorts at something on the screen, and the sound is so endearing you run a hand through her hair and she hums softly.
You could say it now, you tell yourself. You swallow.
"Korra?"
Korra tilts her head up to look at you. "Yeah?"
You pause, waiting for a nonexistent bout of courage to take over. You must look as terrified as you feel, because Korra now looks concerned.
"You alright?" she asks.
You shake your head in dismissal. "I'm fine. Just wanted to make sure you were comfortable."
Korra studies you for a moment, head tilted in question. When she seems to accept your answer, your shoulder slump, and if it's out of relief or disappointment, you're not sure.
"Of course I'm comfortable," she says. "Your legs are the right amount of squishy."
Stupidly, you blush, and you're glad she isn't looking at you now. "Wow, thanks."
"That's a compliment! My legs are hard and muscley. Nobody wants to sleep on them."
"How many people do you ask to sleep on your legs?"
"My dog."
You laugh and narrowly avoid saying something stupid like I'd sleep on your lap or But I love your muscles!
You toy with bringing up your resolution for the next half an hour, but when you realize Korra's fallen asleep the decision is made for you.
Another time, you tell yourself.
APRIL
It's one of those days when you wish you had a family.
As you've come to realize, public spaces are crawling with them. Happy families, sad families, large families, small families, young families, old families. You're long past the point of resentment at the sight of them, and now all you feel is a small pang if anything, but today you're feeling inexplicably fragile.
All it takes is a father-daughter duo laughing together at the table beside you to get you to leave the cafe that morning. Stubbornly not wanting to cry in public, you sit in your car and pull out your phone and dial the only person you want to talk to right now. She picks up on the first ring and must hear something in your voice because she asks you what's wrong almost immediately.
"I miss having a family," you say.
"Hang on," Korra says. "See you in fifteen?"
And that's one of many reasons why you love her.
Not long after, Korra shows up at your door with a container of ice cream in hand. She pulls you into a hug, which is slightly awkward since she's still holding an ice cream container, but you settle into her hold anyway. When the container grazes your arm you jolt, however. It's cold, and Korra apologizes.
"Never apologize for buying me ice cream," you say.
Once you get to the kitchen you break open the seal and realize it's managed to melt into green soup despite feeling so cold on your arm earlier. You shrug and grab two spoons anyway, and for a while you and Korra sit on your counter and eat in silence.
"Call me whenever you're lonely, okay?" Korra says, tapping her spoon against the counter. "I know I can't be your family, but I'll do anything I can."
You nod and lean into her shoulder. "That means a lot to me."
She throws an arm around you, and you cry a little, and it feels good to have someone hold you.
Later that night, when Korra is leaving, you know how easily the words could slip off your lips, but her support and her kindness feels too precious for you to risk. So you smile and tell her good night and wonder how much you're willing to sacrifice.
JUNE
You're typing a report when noises like thunder bang on your ear drums and suddenly the world is unstable around you. You panic for a moment - until you realize what's happening - and then you crawl under the nearest table and wince when you hear glass break.
You stay under the table for a few minutes after the noises and the shaking stops (the shaking in your limbs hasn't) and then you grab your phone and run outside.
Korra has texted you already. She's fine, and you tell her you're in one piece, but some of your glass cups probably aren't, and she says good. i was worried about you, on the 9th floor with an earthquake and all. be careful
You stare at your screen for a moment, erase love you twice, and finally settle on you too. call me if you need anything.
You text Bolin and Mako and Opal, and they're all okay.
OCTOBER
The bar is quiet tonight, but Korra isn't.
"So Mako's got a girlfriend now, huh?" she says, grinning. "I was hoping he'd make a move on someone."
"I'm glad," you say, and you really are happy for him. "In a way we owe him, bringing us together and all."
Korra looks at you like she's never considered that. "Shit, you're right. I'll have to thank him."
"Thank him for cheating on me?" you say, but you're teasing. You were over that ages ago.
"No," she says. "More like, thank him for having such good taste."
You snort, and it's definitely undignified, but the grin Korra gives you is worth any embarrassment.
"Speaking of that, Korra, I—"
"Yo Korra!" someone shouts, and before you know it a woman you don't recognize is challenging Korra to a game of pool. At the look in her eyes you have a feeling her offer is less about the game and more about beating someone.
Korra glances at you, and her expression morphs from exasperated to apologetic. "Asami, this is Kuvira. Kuvira, my friend Asami." Korra looks at you. "We're... co-workers."
"Hi," you say, and Kuvira nods.
"You want to watch the game?" Korra asks, and again she looks kind of sorry.
"I think I'll stay here," you say. "But I eagerly await news of your victory." Korra winks at you (oh no) and turns to leave.
"Wait," Korra is saying. "What were you going to say?" She gives her rival pool player a hard look. "Before you were so rudely interrupted."
You swallow. "Never mind," you say, and raise a hand as if to dismiss it. "I'll tell you later."
But you don't.
DECEMBER
For a day Korra doesn't answer any of your texts, which is unusual for her, but for the most part you don't think anything of it.
When you hear your phone ringing later on, you expect it to be Korra, but instead it's an unknown number. You pick it up and give a standard polite greeting.
"Asami? This is Tonraq, Korra's father." His voice sounds somber, and there's a growing seed of worry in the pit of your stomach.
"Hi, Tonraq. Is everything alright?"
There's a pause.
"Korra's been in an accident." No no no. "She's in critical condition."
You feel yourself crumbling. "What?" you say, and it's half sob half whisper.
Tonraq's voice sounds rougher, now, like he's trying not to choke up. "She's unconscious, but starting tomorrow you can visit her at any time. We've talked to the ICU about you already."
You don't know what to say, so your manners kick in. "Thank you for letting me know."
"Take care, Asami."
It's alarming to see Korra hooked up to so many machines.
You're sitting by her hospital bed feeling like you should say something. Your mind is numb and silent and nothing comes. You don't know if she could hear you, anyway.
A nurse comes to tell you that you can't stay for longer than ten minutes on the first visit, because it's protocol and all, so you squeeze Korra's hand one last time and stand up.
When the nurse departs to check on someone else, you let go of Korra's hand.
"I love you," you say, like it's the easiest thing in the world, and then you leave.
It's December 31st.