A Single Drop of Color

by lunarwintyr

Summary:

Bella Swan is depressed. She's dealt with it for years, and only just recently began on the road to recovery. In the service of this recovery she decides she needs a change of scenery and uproots herself from Phoenix, Arizona to find a new lease on life as she moves in with her partially-estranged father in Forks, Washington. In Forks Bella will meet new people, have new experiences, and be forced to ask herself painful and uncomfortable questions. Who is Bella Swan? What does she want out of life? Who does she want to spend her life with? And what is she willing to do in the service of those things? Little does she know that by answering these questions she will set in motion a series of events that has been a thousand years in the making, as forces and powers beyond what she ever could have imagined emerge from the shadows and threaten to upend what little peace Bella begins to carve out for herself.

Notes:

There's a lot of stories about depression. And a lot of those stories are about people in the throes of it, the trials and tribulations of suffering from the disease. But what I don't see enough of, is stories about recovery. When you've started to claw yourself out of the pit, when you've hit rock bottom already and you start the long, arduous road of Rebuilding Yourself, what happens next? That's what this story is about. It's a story about depression, through the lens of recovery, rediscovery, and the mortifying ordeal of looking inwards and building a person from rubble and blood.

Some people may find the beginning of this story familiar. A prototypical version of this story was posted under the name A Heart Thusly Scattered, which reached I believe five chapters, under an old pseud of mine, which I took down when I was questioning a lot of things about myself and going through a hard time in my life. I have been through a lot in my life, a lot of trauma and hardship, experiences that have left me with scars I probably will live with for the rest of my life. And when I was going through that, I read a lot of stories about characters also going through hard times, characters who were hitting rock bottom and just needed a hand to pull them up. But now I find myself in a new stage in my life, a stage where I'm taking the first steps to genuine, real recovery.

I recently had a revelation in my life that, for the first time, I actually feel like I have a future. And I wanted to write about it.

I've always found the interpretation of Bella as having depression fascinating, as it takes her bland and blank character from the novels and provides an actual reasoning for it. That was the original idea behind A Heart Thusly Scattered, but my actual execution of it was more based on what I hoped my own recovery could look like rather than attempting to translate real, actual experiences of mine. So now that I'm here, I want to take that interpretation that I've always loved and use it as an outlet to process my own experiences as I go through them, and maybe produce an interesting piece of fiction along with it.

In a more fandom-oriented lens, I'm also a diehard fan of Rosalie/Bella and Alice/Bella. WLW!Bella, whether bisexual or lesbian or some other orientation, has always been my headcanon even back when reading the books and feeling like Bella had far more chemistry with Alice than Edward. I'm not going to write a Twilight fic without a healthy dose of good vampiric drama and tension, so marrying the antagonistic and tension-fraught progression of a Rosalie/Bella with the themes of recovery and rebuilding sounded absolutely fascinating to me.

A few disclaimers;
Canon is meaningless to me. Twilight is a property where I think the core of some concepts and characters is an absolute untapped gold mine of potential surrounded by a story that feels like a bowl of plain gruel at best and is actively uncomfortable and gross at worst. While I feel like the vast majority of us in the WLW!Bella camp come into these fics on the same page regarding canon, I'm including the disclaimer regardless. Treat any canon compliance as a happy coincidence.

I am a shameless Vampire: The Masquerade fan. I'm going to include references to it, and create a weird little marriage of the way Twilight vampire society functions with VTMs world, because I think it's cool. The idea of the Volturi as, rather than the sole 'governing body' of vampires, being simply another power player on the same level as the Camarilla is far more interesting to me. That being said, VTM is a very fleshed-out setting already and I don't want to just one-to-one transpose it into Twilight, so for any other big VTM fans out there I apologize in advance for some inevitable mangling of the setting. I'm just doing this for fun, and the amount of labor that would be required to actually merge the two worldbuilding concepts in a seamless manner is a lot less interesting to me than just dumping both of them into a big sandbox and playing around with it.

And finally, this story will cover various triggering topics such as self harm, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and the usual trigger warnings for Rosalie Hale being a main character and all the baggage her character comes with. While no explicit depictions of suicide, sexual assault, or similar heavy topics will be present, there is at least one planned scene depicting the vague picture of a suicide attempt and several references and discussions of all previously-mentioned triggering topics.

I hope you enjoy this exploration of a side of depression I don't think gets talked about much in fiction, as well as all the juicy Bella/Rosalie to come. Comments are dearly welcome, even if it's just a short one saying you like the story/chapter. Without further ado, I present the first chapter of A Single Drop of Color.

Chapter 1: But The Sun Went Down, And I Couldn't Find Another One

Depression is often portrayed as a greyscale filter over the world, and recovery as the color slowly seeping back into it. The protagonist of the story will one day have a realization that, through some means or another, their once-dreary world has returned to life and vibrancy; a poignant depiction of the way life can change without one even realizing it has done so.

But what most people don’t talk about and what the stories don’t say, is that once you’ve gone long enough seeing nothing but gray, even a single drop of color; no matter it’s benign intentions or existence as a sign of positive change, can be utterly and completely overwhelming.

~~~~~

“We are invited to imagine a group of people sitting in an underground cave, facing the walls. They are chained up and they cannot move their heads. Behind them, a fire is forever burning, and its flames cast shadows onto the cave walls.”

“Between the fire and the cave walls, there is a road, and people walk along this road, carrying various objects: models of animals made of stone and wood, human statuettes, and other things. The people who walk along the road, and the objects they carry, cast shadows on the cave walls.”

“The people who are chained in the cave and facing the wall can only see the shadows of the people (and the objects they carry): never the actual people and objects walking past behind them. To the people chained up in the cave, these shadows appear to be reality, because they don’t know any better.”

“Reality, to these people chained in the cave, is only ever a copy of a copy: the shadows of the original forms which themselves remain beyond our view.”

“But someone comes and unchains the people in the cave. Now they’re free. Let’s say that one of them is set free and encouraged to look towards the fire behind him and his fellow cave-dwellers. He can now see that the things he took for reality until now were merely shadows on the wall.”

“But this knowledge isn’t, at first, a good thing. The revelation is almost overwhelming. The light of the fire hurts his eyes, and when he is dragged up the slope that leads out of the cave, and he sees the sun outside, and is overwhelmed by its light.”

-

“A Summary and Analysis of Plato’s Allegory of the Cave” – Dr. Oliver Tearle of Loughborough University

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bella Swan rested her cheek against the cool glass window, thick droplets of rain slowly worming their way downwards in esoteric, winding paths. As they met along their path they would join, until the droplet became too large to continue on its path unhindered by the wind, wobbling and rippling until the droplet either broke or reached the bottom of the window.

Her father, Charlie Swan, sat in the driver’s seat of his police cruiser next to her, one hand on the wheel and the other hand resting casually on the glove box. His eyes were focused on the road ahead of him, only occasionally flicking with poorly-disguised concern and apprehension towards the girl sat next to him; a daughter he hadn’t seen in well over a decade.

The radio in the car played old music from the 70’s and 80’s, the sound coming through the ancient speakers fuzzy and distorted. Static constantly interrupted the strangled notes as the poor weather interfered with the radio signals; and after the third time smacking it, Charlie Swan gave up and simply turned the radio off, leaving the constant clattering of heavy raindrops on metal, the gentle keening of the wind, and the occasionally-chunky rumble of a well-worn engine the only sounds surrounding them.

Charlie was the first to break the silence that had sat between them since the airport, a few words spoken in his gruff voice worn down by years of exposure to smoke; be it cigarette or campfire. He cleared his throat first to buy a bit of time, pretending not to notice the way Bella’s shoulders subtly tensed at the first sound coming from his throat.

“So,” he started, keeping his eyes firmly in front of him. “Back to Forks, eh?”

The weight of everything that question was and wasn’t asking sat on the back of Bella’s neck like an albatross. She flexed her fingers and pulled in a long, quiet breath through her nose before slowly exhaling from her mouth. Thoughts and images flashed and flew through her mind; her suitcase currently ensconced in the trunk of the cruiser, thunking against the sides of the car when Charlie took a turn. The pit in her stomach as the plane slowly descended in altitude towards the airport.

Her mother, relief unmistakable in her voice as she kissed her cheek with a quick good-bye, shoving two-hundred dollars cash into her hands ‘just in case’ before disappearing into the passenger seat of Phil’s candy-red sports car with a wave and brief well-wishes for a safe flight.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice a bit raspy and creaky from disuse. “You could say that.”

A few more beats of silence passed before Charlie continued, gently tossing the ball back to Bella.

“And...how are we feeling about that?” he asked, his voice slow and careful. “I’m happy to have you here, of course, it’s been forever since I’ve seen you in person. Talking on the phone...it only gets you so far, you know? But ah, from everything I’ve been hearing from Renee this...isn’t exactly a happy homecoming.”

The words rankled at the back of Bella’s throat like the smell of gasoline. It was the most direct and emotional Charlie had been towards her in recent memory, perhaps ever, and Bella wasn’t entirely sure it was welcome.

So instead of replying, she merely shrugged. A response that had become a favorite of hers over the years for its ability to diffuse difficult questions, as most people couldn’t muster up the effort or motivation required to pursue whatever line of questioning had prompted it.

The magic number, as she had learned, was two.

One shrug being enough to dissuade someone usually meant they weren’t actually giving up, but rather picking their battles. Whatever topic had prompted the shrug would resurface later, possibly in a more confrontational manner, and would require mental preparation to receive.

Two shrugs though, meant they were giving whatever they were trying an honest attempt. Giving up after two shrugs meant that they were both genuinely trying, but didn’t have the motivation required to really follow through. So whatever prompted the double-shrug probably wouldn’t come up again.

Three was where things started to get dicey. It was pretty much a coin toss, and both sides resulted at someone being angry at Bella; the only difference was whether or not they’d leave her alone in their anger or yell at her. Neither option really made her want to talk more, but it was the danger number, and Bella had learned that it was better to simply remain still and silent, absorbing the anger, rather than inciting it further with a fourth shrug.

Charlie giving up after one shrug meant that he wasn’t letting go. Which was what Bella expected. She knew he would have questions, she just didn’t know how to answer them yet. She wasn’t really sure how to answer her own questions about the situation yet, really.

Her focus returned to staring out the window. The trees flowed past her vision like a rustling green sea in the wind, the raindrops continued to trace winding tracks across the glass as the wind pushed them sideways, smearing them across Bella’s vision and distorting the world outside the glass.

Against her will her mind began to wander. She tried to latch it down and keep it stable; keep it occupied by counting trees and potholes and raindrops, but eventually it grasped onto the threads of a stray thought and she couldn’t keep it contained any longer. The question, an echo of Charlie’s voice, flickered and hummed in the back of her mind.

She thought about her fraying relationship with her mother, the feeling of being left behind for something newer, shinier, more exciting.

Phil wasn’t a bad person. Not really. Bella certainly couldn’t blame him for her mother’s frivolous personality, her tendency to crave variety and movement and novelty to the degree of neglecting anything in her life that became the slightest bit repetitive or stagnant. But at the same time, she couldn’t help but blame him a little bit. Couldn’t help but feel like he had stolen her mother from her.

More than once since the idea had been suggested, Bella felt a stabbing thought in her stomach that before Phil came along, Renee wouldn’t have agreed to ship Bella off to Forks in the way she had done; willingly, seemingly instantaneously. Like she was dumping chaff, dropping a ballast.

She knew the thought was wrong. Her therapist had pointed it out multiple times, that Bella was still on some level unwilling to truly see the flaws in her mother and put well-earned responsibility on her shoulders, Bella’s role as a pseudo-caretaker for her own mother at a young age having warped her ability to see her mother’s actions objectively.

Bella sighed and let her forehead thunk gently against the glass, her breath fogging it up and blocking her view entirely. She indulged herself in a little self pity, wallowing in the thoughts of “ where did my life go so wrong? ”.

Which was a bit of a stupid question. She knew the answer to that, one of them at any rate. Sort of. One of those five-dollar words she had never really thought about before aside from getting a lot of points in Scrabble with it, never really thought it could apply to her. Even when others had pointed it out to her she had scoffed and dismissed it, refusing to entertain the thought.

Even when she got a real diagnosis from a real, live, actual therapist, she had to take a lot of time to fully process and accept it. The diagnosis came complete with a prescription for fancy pills and everything, consisting of a chemical cocktail full of more five-dollar words, and a couple ten-dollar ones.

Depression.

Even so long after getting the diagnosis, the word still felt funny to her as she rolled it around in her head. She always thought depression was something that happened to other people. People with something actually wrong in their lives to be depressed about, or rich celebrities taking copious amounts of drugs. It was some far-away concept that shouldn’t have come anywhere near plain old Bella Swan living her plain old upper-middle-class comfortable life in plain old boring Phoenix, Arizona.

“ How do you get depressed in Arizona, anyway?” was a common refrain from Bella, internally and externally. “Isn’t the sunny weather and extremely-available nature hiking supposed to be a natural kick-start to your chakras or your humors or something like that?”

Bella could distinctly remember the look her therapist gave her the first time she said that out loud. A mixture of vague disappointment combined with the knee-jerk flehmen response professionals have to commonly-spread misinformation or quackery. Like how a doctor reacts to someone putting potatoes in their kid’s socks to pull ‘the toxins’ out.

Getting through the many layers of poisoned irony and deflection was the biggest challenge Bella had faced in therapy. She still found herself cringing a little bit inside at the things she used to say to avoid talking about the real problems.

When her therapist had written down a big list of symptoms and put it down in front of Bella, many of which were a little bit relatable and many more a whole lot relatable, it still didn’t feel ‘real’ and Bella had dismissed it out of hand at first.

Then again, nothing had felt real in her life for a long time.

For as long as Bella could remember she had been merely coasting through her life, watching it pass her by. She couldn’t even remember when the apathy started. Bella had her life, her friends, she went to school and did her homework and did chores around the house, she learned how to cook when she was ten and received many nights of praise from Renee for her home-cooked meals; paving over the anxiety Bella felt from the knowledge that if she didn’t make sure of it, there was a possibility Renee simply wouldn’t eat at all throughout the day.

When Renee met Phil she had been so excited, and Bella had thought she was excited with her. She was happy for her. But when her mother started checking out of her life in favor of focusing entirely on Phil, leaving Bella home for weeks at a time to travel, to go to his away games, she didn’t even notice Bella falling into such a stupor that she ended up failing her sophomore year and had to repeat it.

Twice.

“Eagle has landed,” Charlie said as the cruiser gently pulled to a stop in the driveway, the rumbling engine cutting off as he turned and pulled the keys. Bella blinked a few times and looked up, staring at the weathered, worn down house in front of her.

“Guess so,” she said softly as she unbuckled her seatbelt, flipping the hood of her windbreaker over her head as she quickly ducked out of the car, grimacing as the wind blew raindrops into her face and immediately feeling herself overcome by the chilly, wet Washington air.

She trudged around to the back of the cruiser, ready to fling the trunk open and grab her suitcase.

“I got it Bells, you just head in and settle down. You’ve had a long day. Here,” she heard Charlie say as he came up behind her, handing her a house key. Bella stared at him for a moment before grabbing it and running up to the door, eager to get out of the rain. She turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open, wincing at the harsh creak ing sound as she pushed.

Making a mental note to pick up some WD-40, she quickly wiped her shoes off on the doormat before removing them. There wasn’t a rack or a shelf to put them on, or even a rubber pad, so she just found the most unobtrusive part of the entryway to place them before shucking her windbreaker and hooking it on the coat hanger.

She started slowly walking through the house, looking around and taking it in. It wasn’t much to look at, it was small and rather...dusty. It was pretty clear that most of the house didn’t get actively used much. The kitchen stove looked cold and neglected , a thin coating of dust covering all the burners and counter-tops. The only part that was used was the fridge and the microwave, and upon pulling the fridge door open Bella was unceremoniously greeted by a pizza box, a six-pack of beer with two cans missing, a pack of bologna in a ziploc baggie, and a half-used bottle of ketchup that had half an inch of separated liquid at the top and a thin layer of crust formed around the cap.

Grimacing, Bella closed the fridge and cautiously looked in the freezer. She found an empty pair of ice trays and six TV dinners, one of which had completely frosted over.

The living room was slightly more used than the kitchen, but not by much. A stack of magazines occupied a side table next to an armchair that definitely saw regular use. In fact, Bella was fairly certain that it was the same armchair Charlie had when she was a kid.

Taking another look around, Bella realized that all the furniture was exactly the same as when she was a kid.

“I got your room all set up Bells,” she heard Charlie saying as he came into the house. “As much as I could with such short notice anyways. You don’t have a bed frame yet unfortunately, right now it’s just a futon but we’ll head into the city this weekend to buy some furniture for you. A bed frame and a proper mattress at the very least. There’s an old desk from the station and a chair up there, and Billy had an old dresser he gave me to put in there for you. There’s also a big ol’ mirror from Sue, not sure what to do with that so I just leaned it on the wall for now.”

Charlie spoke as he took his own shoes and jacket off, pulling Bella’s suitcase into the living room and setting it down.

“You haven’t bought a new couch in ten years?” Bella asked.

Charlie stopped talking, but his mouth continued to hang open as he stared blankly at her, the question clearly catching him off guard. “ I uh, no, I mean. I don’t really use it. Billy has his own chair and Harry doesn’t really come around anymore, I see him at his place these days…”

“I think this TV counts as a fossil,” Bella said with idle fondness, patting the dusty top of the boxy CRT that, in her mind, very clearly belonged in a museum.

After a few more moments of blank staring, a small smile slowly formed on Charlie’s lips. “Well, that TV is nearly older than you after all, I think. Might actually be.”

“And it still works?” Bella asked, cocking a disbelieving eyebrow.

“Needs a good whack every once in a while but it shows Sunday ball games just fine, so I’d say it works well enough,” Charlie chuckled, leaning against the wall.

“Maybe you belong in a museum too,” Bella said with gentle snark, poking Charlie’s upper arm.

“Hey now, I’m not that old yet. I’ve still got plenty of gas left in the tank,” Charlie said with feigned indignance, rubbing his arm where Bella poked him.

Bella rolled her eyes and stuck her hands in her pockets, casting her eyes around the house again. A strange nostalgia was settling around her shoulders, and for some reason she could smell the hint of campfire smoke and feel the echo of cold mud on her arms. Faint memories of a time when her life was less complicated, less heavy.

“Whatever you say Charlie,” she continued, reaching out and grasping the handle of her suitcase. “I’m gonna crash for a bit, yeah? Feel like I’m about to die on my feet.”

Charlie nodded and ran his fingers through his hair. “I figured you would. I took the day off so after you wake up come grab me, we’ll go grocery shopping. I do alright for myself but the kitchen isn’t exactly stocked and I don’t know what you like these days, so I figure you wanna pick out your own things.”

“Oh good, I was hoping you weren’t going to subject me to the war crime that is your refrigerator,” Bella said, wrinkling her nose. “Sounds like a plan though, I’ll see you in a few hours?”

Charlie gave her a wry chuckle and nodded in acknowledgment, and Bella hefted her suitcase up the flight of stairs, pausing at the top to call back down to Charlie asking which room was hers again. When she got her answer she dragged her suitcase into the room behind her, pushing the door open and standing in the frame for a few moments. Then she sighed, crossed the threshold, and closed the door behind her with a gentle click .

It was as Charlie had described it; a dingy futon with a fitted white sheet, and a thinner blue sheet for a blanket tossed over it, with an old worn out pillow at the head. It looked slightly better than a sleeping bag or a pile of her own clothing, at least. Bella presumed the futon came from the depths of the attic somewhere and prayed that she would be the only living thing occupying it.

Laying her suitcase down she sat next to it and unzipped it. First out were the clothes she’d need right away, her current outfit had already been through three different airports and almost twelve full hours of travel. She was slightly worried that it had fused to her skin, and made a face as she peeled her jeans and various other articles off of her.

She set aside a fresh change of clothes and then dug out an oversized t-shirt and new underwear to take a nap in. The rest of her clothes were haphazardly piled next to the old dresser from Billy Black, to be put away later. She should probably get some new ones if she was going to a new school, lest she forever be branded as the girl with only five variations of “t-shirt and jeans” as the extent of her fashion sense.

Which, it was. To be fair. But she could at least get a different color of jeans to wear some days, and maybe something besides t-shirts from the bargain bin at Goodwill.

Her laptop was next, wrapped snugly in three layers of bubble wrap and two t-shirts. After unearthing it from its popping-plastic sarcophagus Bella quickly located an outlet and plugged it in, flipping it open and attempting to boot it up. She let out a quick exhale of relief when it successfully booted and the screen appeared fully intact, confirming that it had survived the travel.

The rest of her possessions weren’t of much note. Some of her favorite novels, worn from time and many repeated readings, the spines cracked and some of the threading exposed; dozens of pages holding creased corners and a few errant stains. A journal she had begun under protest on the advice-slash-demand of her therapist, but eventually came to begrudgingly admit that it was helpful, even if some pages were just filled with angry scribbles or idle doodles.

Her preferred brands of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, face wash, the works. She had no idea if the local department stores would even carry them, and she didn’t fancy having to struggle to find something new right away. She would have to ration what she brought until she could either find a place to buy more or find a new brand.

A basic set of makeup supplies. One eyeliner pen, one ruby-red stick of lipstick, and a very basic palette of eyeshadow. A gift from Renee from Bella’s seventeenth birthday that remained untouched, yet Bella couldn’t find it in herself to throw it away.

Bella wasn’t exactly fond of red lipstick anyway.

Then came a heavy, thick envelope. Printed-out medical records, in case the transfer of her records and prescriptions to a new facility and pharmacy in Port Angeles didn’t go through. The local drugstore in Forks, while a steady supply for one’s regular needs of ibuprofen and band-aids with cartoon characters on them, didn’t carry the specialized cocktail of medication Bella needed. She would need to go into the city for that.

And then came the sealed plastic ziploc bag with a bundle of orange bottles inside, all of them containing a differently-shaped and colored pill s . Opening up the bag she pulled out one of the bottles and held it up to the light, shaking it a little bit and staring at it as if it might start speaking to her. Another piece of tangible proof that something was wrong inside her; a real, actual prescription with pills. That she had to take. Every day.

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.

Or just SSRI’s. Antidepressants. Crazy pills. Asylum candy. Loco skittles. The magical anti-grippy-sock pals. Bella changed it up every so often, for her own amusement. The pills had been an interesting process and Bella wrinkled her nose in distaste at the memories of the initial attempts at finding the right ones for her.

The medication was still new. Barely eight months total, and only three on the new one that seemed to work better than the rest. It came bundled with something to help her sleep, something to keep her anxiety down, and something for the nightmares.

All in all, it helped. Sort of. Before the meds everything had felt...suffocating. Like a big thick layer of gray wool being wrapped around her brain, a gnawing pit of Emptiness and Nothing inside her stomach and a shell of granite apathy around her heart. But slowly, she was becoming more and more able to at least process most of what was happening around her.

The problem was that she had to re-learn everything .

She had to learn all over again what a ‘routine’ was and how to implement one in to her life, how to brush her teeth every night before going to sleep and how to shower more than once a month and wash her hair properly. At least she was pretty certain she wasn’t in for another repeat year of high school.

But the pills didn’t exactly chase away the dull repetitiveness of her life, the feeling that she was just going through the motions. Like nothing was really real or tangible in any way. Like nothing was solid. Bella always felt like she was looking at the world around her through liquid glass, a softly distorted layer of separation between herself and Everything That Mattered.

This, too, was something Bella had gone over with her therapist. Depression being a simple chemical imbalance in the brain that pills could just correct was, to Bella’s irritation, mostly a myth. Most people who dealt with depression had some form of underlying cause to it all.

The pills could help, but they weren’t magic.

Her therapist had compared it to a really big leak on a tanker. The medication had patched up the hole and as long as Bella kept taking the medication nothing else would leak out that way, but Bella still had to figure out what actually caused the hole in the first place; as well as cleaning up the mess the hole had left behind. And there was a lot of mess.

Bella sighed and scooped the bottles up and into her arms, setting them all down on the desk and brushing hair out of her face. She arranged the bottles and put her hands on her hips.

Forks was supposed to be a fresh start, a change of scenery. There had been some worries expressed that Bella was just running away from her problems, but it ultimately was up to Bella herself. If this was going to work, she needed to be genuine, to give Forks a real chance. If she just continued going through the motions and doing the bare minimum in her life, Forks wouldn’t do anything in return for her and she’d be back to square one with the same problems and no solutions.

And it all started with taking a nap and then going grocery shopping with Charlie.

With her father.

A man she hadn’t seen in person since she was eight years old.

Bella groaned and flopped down onto the futon, grumbling under her breath as she grabbed for her phone and set an alarm to wake her two hours from now. She half-hoped for a text message from her mother, or even Phil, making sure her flight went well.

It was with a slight sting that Bella sent a text to her mother, looking at the brief, one-sided message history, all of which marked with a little ‘read’ checkmark, letting her know that she had arrived safely and was settling in before turning her phone’s display off and tossing it across the room onto her pile of clothes.

“I am going to invent time travel,” she grumbled to herself, “for the sole purpose of going back in time four months and punting myself in the ass for this stupid idea.”

She pulled the thin pillow close to her face and got as comfortable as she could, tucking the sheet over herself and closing her eyes. As soon as she did so she felt extremely heavy, the reality of how tired she was crashing over her like a tidal wave. Fatigue filled her limbs as her body felt like it was being topped up with cement.

Bella let out a long, weary exhale as she drifted off into a well-needed nap.

~~~~~

The tell-tale heavy bass of her alarm flung Bella out of sleep and into a groggy, fitful state of wakefulness. Her hands scrabbled along the mattress looking for her phone, and she briefly panicked upon both not being able to find it and the realization that she was not in her bedroom back in Phoenix.

But her senses quickly oriented themselves and she found her phone across the room, shutting off the alarm; and in that time her brain managed to catch back up and remind her of where she was and why. With a groan and a stretch, Bella worked out some of her stiff-as-rocks muscles that the twelve hours of airplanes and airports had hardened into uncomfortable knots and stones.

She briefly debated getting in the shower, and took a quick whiff of herself to see if it was really necessary. Wrinkling her nose, she decided that she could probably get away with putting it off till the next morning. She didn’t smell awful , she just smelled like an airport.

After pulling on a new set of clothes and tucking her phone in her pocket, Bella made her way downstairs to find Charlie. As expected she found him in his armchair, reading a newspaper with furrowed brows. He quickly folded it up and set it aside when he spotted Bella.

“Good rest?” he asked, pulling himself to his feet.

“I closed my eyes and was not conscious for about an hour and a half,” Bella deadpanned. “I’ll get some proper rest tonight. For now I just want to get some food.”

“Uh, right,” Charlie replied. “What do you want for dinner? Figured we could eat before shopping, if you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Honestly I feel fine right now,” Bella said with a dismissive shrug. “I’d rather just get the shopping out of the way and eat when we get home.”

“We can call in pizza? Pick it up on the way home?” Charlie suggested.

Bella frowned and scratched the back of her head. She hadn’t eaten pizza in a while and her stomach twisted a little at the thought of hot grease and cardboard crust, but she also really didn’t want to cook right now. Even the effort of putting together a club sandwich felt out of reach.

“That works I guess. Wanna leave now?” Bella asked.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Charlie said with a nod, which Bella returned.

The rain had thankfully stopped during Bella’s nap, so she wasn’t getting wet as she bundled herself into the passenger seat of the cruiser again. The drive was made in relative silence until Charlie spoke up.

“You wanna call in the pizza?”

“Sure,” Bella said, getting her phone out. Charlie gave her the number and she dialed, and as the phone rang he gave her his order.

“Just get me a medium meat-lovers, get whatever you want for yourself.”

Bella made an exaggerated gagging sound. “Heart attack on bread for the old man, got it,” she said, resisting the urge to laugh as Charlie shook his head and sighed in mock disappointment.

One pizza order and the remainder of the car ride later, they arrived at the grocery store. Bella immediately commandeered the cart the moment Charlie tried to pivot towards the frozen section, smacking the back of his hand to make him let go of it.

“Absolutely not,” Bella scoffed. “Charlie, I’m planning on eating actual food most of the time I’m here, yeah? If you ask nicely enough I’ll cook for two and you’ll get a better diet that also happens to taste good. Deal?”

Charlie grumbled a little as Bella took the cart in a one-eighty and headed towards the produce section.

“You’re not a vegetarian or anything are you?” he asked, wrinkling his nose.

“I still eat meat,” Bella sighed. “Just in a healthier way than frozen pizza and Marie Callender dinners. Just trust me on this one and maybe you’ll get a few years added onto your expected lifespan.”

“Hrmph. Fine. Trial basis, but I’m still getting a few frozen meals just in case,” Charlie said. He was grumbling, but Bella could see the twinkling in his eyes. She was happy Charlie was bantering with her. She hadn’t quite known what to expect from him, if she was being honest with herself. You can only glean so much about a person from brief conversations over the phone.

She wasn’t worried about him turning into a massive asshole or anything. Mostly, she was just worried things would be too awkward and uncomfortable.

But while she certainly wasn’t ready to bare her heart and soul to Charlie anytime soon, if ever, her mother had always told her she had inherited Charlie’s dry sense of humor. Having that confirmed with their gentle banter they had exchanged so far was...nice, Bella decided.

Eventually the two of them found themselves in the pasta section with Bella grabbing a variety of boxes and bags of pasta consisting of different shapes, sizes, and even colors. As she was scouring the shelves for fettuccine, she felt her neck crawl as a shiver went down her spine.

Shuddering, she let out a little ‘brrr’ sound as she shook out her shoulders and arms.

“You good Bells?” Charlie asked, looking faintly amused. He cocked his eyebrow at her and Bella blinked in slight surprise, recognizing the expression as one she commonly wore herself. “It’s not that cold is it? I mean, I guess you are more used to the Arizona heat…”

“The desert gets pretty cold at night actually,” Bella said idly before blinking and shaking her head a little. “Yeah, no, no I’m good. I’m not cold. Just got a weird shiver down my spine, like someone was watching me or something. I dunno.”

Charlie turned around and looked down the aisle.

“Well, unless old lady Henderson was ogling you instead of the alfredo sauce I think you’re safe,” he said wryly. True to his word, Mrs. Henderson was the only other person in the aisle, inspecting a jar of the sauce with a vaguely constipated look on her face as she read the label.

Bella chuckled.

“I think I can outrun her. C’mon Charlie we’re getting to your favorite part, let’s go to the butcher section. How do you feel about pork chops?”

“Extremely amicable,” Charlie declared with a smile on his face as the two of them headed off. Bella fought off the nervous urge to fill the space with idle conversation, trying to shake the weird feeling off her shoulders.

She was positive someone had been staring at her.

~~~~~

“Good lord Charlie I know I joked that it was a heart attack on bread but this is absurd. Are you even sure there’s cheese on this thing?” Bella exclaimed, her expression aghast as she opened the lid of Charlie’s pizza box, having just pulled out a few plates after putting all the groceries away.

The monstrosity that was allegedly a pizza in front of her was certainly circular and had what looked like a pizza crust around the edge of it, which was of course stuffed on top of everything, but beyond that Bella couldn’t see anything other than heaps of pepperoni, ham, bacon, chicken, and sausage.

“Yep. There’s cheese in the crust, look,” Charlie said with the trademark stupid ‘Dad grin’ splitting his face in half as he pulled a slice away and pointed at the long stretch of mozzarella still connecting it to the rest of the pizza.

Bella made a face and mimed throwing up with accompanying sound effects as she got her own slice from the small cheese pizza she had ordered.

Charlie laughed and made his plate, setting it aside as he pulled a beer out of the fridge. “You’re missing out, kiddo.”

“On early-onset heart disease? I’m cool missing out on that, thanks,” Bella said sarcastically. “Also, hey! Not a kid anymore. I’m like, a real adult now. Legally,” Bella said, pointing her pizza slice at Charlie in a faux-threatening manner before taking a bite.

The grease immediately coated her tongue, and all she could taste was sweet tomato and burnt crust. She resolved that this would not be a regular occurrence, and she would introduce Charlie to healthy ways to eat meat if it was the last thing she ever did.

Charlie turned and looked her up and down, wrinkling his brow and making an exaggerated hmm noise, stroking his chin lightly before holding his palm above her head slightly. “Nope. Pretty sure you’re still about thirteen or so. I’m gonna have to beat the boys off with a stick soon.”

Bella gasped indignantly and stuck her tongue out at Charlie, huffing and stomping off to the living room with him laughing as he followed behind her. She set the glass of lemonade she had poured for herself on a side table and realized Charlie didn’t own coasters. She made another mental note to pick some up.

“That was rude,” Bella grumbled as Charlie sat down in his armchair. “But you won’t have to worry about beating boys off. I’ll be doing that myself, thank you. Chateau du Bella is not open to the menfolk,” she said with an exaggerated shudder.

“That so?” Charlie asked curiously, letting out a grunt of effort as he sat down and cracked open his beer.

“ Didn’t uh, Renee tell you?” Bella asked in surprise around a mouthful of pizza, coughing a little as she tried to swallow. “I mean, I at least thought she would.”

“Renee hasn’t told me much for the past several years,” Charlie huffed lightly, flicking the TV on with the remote. “Honestly if I hadn’t gotten news about you directly from the source I’m not even sure I’d have heard a damn thing about you. Started to think Renee wouldn’t even tell me if you were dead. Only thing I heard from her lately was when she called me to ask if you could move up with me, and then again to tell me she was sending over all your important documents. Birth certificate and all that.”

“Uh...right,” Bella said, nerves gripping her heart a little. That statement made her mind start walking down a few roads she most certainly did not want to re-tread right now, so she quickly veered her mind with a hard left towards more urgent matters.

“So what was she supposed to tell me, then?” Charlie asked, peering curiously at Bella.

“Uhhhhhhhh….” Bella said, her brain starting to stall out a bit as panic mounted. “That like. Uh. You know. That I’m sorta like, uh, not super very much into men. Sorta. And stuff like that,” she managed to mumble out, averting her eyes and rubbing the back of her neck. She was positive Charlie had already known. Hadn’t he? Didn’t she mention her ex to him at some point?

...Did she forget to mention that her ex was another girl? She totally did. She totally and completely never mentioned that her ex was not in fact an ex-boyfriend but an ex-girlfriend. Bella felt her mind racing as she remembered the conversation with a bit more clarity, and realized in a rush of adrenaline and cortisol that she was most definitely coming out to her dad for the first time right this moment.

Oops.

“And stuff like that,” Charlie deadpanned, cocking an eyebrow.

“Uh. Yeah.”

“So…” Charlie said, after a few very drawn-out moments of silence. “You’re...gay, then?”

“That’s uh. That’s about the gist of it, yeah,” Bella whispered, suddenly feeling very small and worried about his reaction. Would he be okay with it? With her? She knew Charlie was pretty old-school in a lot of ways, had a lot of traditional beliefs. Her mind raced.

He wasn’t particularly religious, not that she ever noticed, but he had been raised decades ago. Had he ever talked about gay people before? Bella’s mind churned through her memories of Charlie trying to remember if he had mentioned the topic in any capacity, any comments or verbiage that could indicate where his opinion swayed.

“Well! That’s a load off my shoulders,” Charlie exclaimed with a sigh of relief, pushing his hair out of his face. “I am not ready to be a grandfather.”

Bella’s train of thought was completely derailed at that point, and she just stared blankly at him.

“...what?”

“Well…” Charlie said slowly. “From my understanding, as an old fuddy-duddy anyway, gay women have a much harder time getting pregnant. Unless they’ve changed the rules on me in the past thirty years?”

“Uh,” Bella said, blinking rapidly. “I mean, I guess? It’s a bit more complicated than that but...but that’s like, super not the point, that’s all you care about?” Bella asked, feeling completely dumbstruck.

“Am I supposed to care about something else?” Charlie asked, sounding confused.

“I mean. I’m gay. Big fat lesbian? Very much not straight?” Bella asked, her voice feeling strangled in her throat.

“You aren’t fat.”

“ Charlie .”

“What!? You aren’t! Where’s this coming from Bells? You’re gay and that’s fine with me. Is that...fine with you?” Charlie asked, leaning forward a little and looking at Bella with concern etched onto his face.

“So...so you aren’t like, upset…? Or anything?” Bella croaked out, forcing herself to meet his eyes.

Charlie looked completely gobsmacked at the question and leaned back in his chair again. “Am I...what, no! Good grief no, not at all! I understand that I’m a bit old-fashioned and there’s a lot about the modern world I just don’t connect with, but I don’t give a damn if you’re into men or women or space aliens as long as you’re safe and don’t make me a grandfather until you’re at least thirty.”

After a few more moments of silence and a hearty chug of lemonade for Bella she burst out laughing. This only served to confuse Charlie further, who sat in his chair looking absolutely befuddled and lost. The look on his face only made Bella laugh harder, doubling over on the couch for several minutes until she was able to take several deep breaths to calm herself down.

“Thanks, Charlie,” Bella said with a heavy sigh. “That means a lot to me.”

“...you’re welcome, kiddo,” Charlie said with a weary chuckle.

Bella wiped her eyes and let out another long sigh of relief before settling back in and taking another bite of pizza, idly watching the late-night show Charlie had put on. Charlie looked pleased that the tense situation had passed and was done with, and after a few moments he reached over and patted Bella’s knee.

“I love you kiddo. Don’t forget that,” he said gruffly, refusing to make eye contact as he appeared to be attempting to bore right through the television with his gaze.

Smiling a little, Bella patted his hand back.

“Love you too, old man,” Bella said quietly.

“Good,” Charlie grunted, nodding slightly before pulling his hand back and settling into his armchair. Bella got the hint that the emotional moment was now over, which she was perfectly fine with.

Leaning back on the couch, Bella closed her eyes and listened to the background of a terrible late-night talk show, occasionally interjected by Charlie muttering his own opinions about what was being talked about as if the people on the screen could hear him.

One year of mounting depression.

One year of it reaching the peak.

Three years of her life utterly deteriorating around her.

Three months of inpatient care.

Nine months of slow, excruciating talk therapy.

Eight months of medication.

Four months of planning.

One week of packing.

Twelve hours of travel.

As Bella slowly turned her inner eye from the past towards the blank canvas in front of her, she felt her legs tremble a little and her heart rate speed up. Only twenty-four hours prior, the concept of being where she was now had scared the absolute crap out of her.

She had almost called it off entirely.

But now, sitting on a dusty couch with another rainstorm starting up outside, listening to Charlie mutter at the TV as her stomach contended with its first slice of pizza in years, Bella felt an odd feeling begin to creep up on her.

The feeling that, maybe, for the first time, she had a hint of solid ground beneath her feet.

The feeling that maybe she could get used to this.

The feeling that maybe Forks could be alright.

Maybe she could be alright.

Downing the rest of her lemonade, Bella cleaned up the mess and put away the leftover pizza.

She said goodnight to Charlie and started heading up the stairs.

One step at a time.

She could do all of this, she thought to herself as she ascended.

Just like the stairs.

One step at a time.

One day at a time.

 

 

 

Chapter 2: There Is A Reason The First Nine Months Doesn't Count

Summary:

Bella takes the first proper leap of starting her new life, the inevitable first day at a new school. As she survives a day of stares and whispers playing havoc on her anxiety, she begins to meet new people and start the terrifying process of becoming human again. But not everything is at is seems, and Bella finds herself attracting a small piece of attention that feels a bit stranger than all the rest...

The water was hot as it slid in rivulets over Bella’s skin, tracing pathways along her muscles as she rinsed the conditioner out of her hair. She shivered involuntarily as a particularly large drop of water slid between her back muscles in a way that tickled a little bit, pushing a hand through her hair and wringing the last bit of the slick conditioner out.

She had been extremely grateful at her past self for having the foresight to pack her own toiletries. Charlie had attempted to present her with a fresh bottle of his “everything-in-one” combination shampoo-conditioner-body-and-face-wash that was allegedly supposed to smell like “Ocean Breeze” but to Bella it just smelled like the pungent fake-floral smell of the air freshener the janitor used to spray in her middle school bathroom. She accepted the offering tastefully, only to promptly stick it in the corner of the shower where it will remain untouched until hell freezes over.

Her two-week grace period of settling into Forks before having to worry about starting school was officially up, and Bella was equal parts grateful and utterly terrified. Because the timing of moving her out to Washington had been so tight, she would have been starting the school year a few weeks late anyway, so Charlie simply set it up so she would be starting two weeks after she arrived.

She had, at first, used the time productively. As promised Charlie had taken her into the city the very first weekend, borrowing someone’s truck in the process, and Bella returned home with a new bed frame, a new mattress, a chair that was a bit more comfortable than the rickety refuse from the station’s ‘put it on the side of the road and hope it disappears’ pile, along with a slightly more varied wardrobe.

But rapidly Bella’s productivity hit the dirt. Charlie went back to work, and Bella couldn’t muster up the willpower to do much of anything beyond make sure there was always a non-frozen option for her and Charlie to eat each night.

Today though, that would change. Bella wouldn’t even get a chance to slip back into stagnancy. Today, she was going into school.

Part of her was hoping that she could merely slip into the crowd and be just another face in the sea, keep her head down and get through it. But she knew that was a thin possibility at best. Forks was a small town, and even if she had started in September like everyone else she would have gotten extra attention. A student transferring into Forks High halfway through October not only was even more noticeable, Bella would comfortably put money on her being the first example of it in well over a decade.

Her hands braced against the walls of the shower as she closed her eyes and stuck her head back under the hot water, feeling the heavy water pressure thundering against her skull and reverberating in her inner ears. Her stomach was twisting itself into a knot and she took a slow breath to force the nausea down, focusing on the prickling of her skin from the hot water.

Bile collected in her throat and burned the back of her tongue as she felt her stomach convulse, and she took another deep breath in through her nose, squeezing her eyes closed even tighter and hanging her head a little. She could feel the heat on the back of her neck that wasn’t from the water, and the sound of the shower began to dull slightly as her ears felt fuzzy.

She was jolted out of her near-panic attack by the sound of her phone buzzing incessantly on the bathroom counter, and she quickly fumbled around for the valve to turn the shower off. She didn’t have time to think any further, she had to dry off and get dressed to leave.

Fifteen minutes later she was bundling into Charlie’s cruiser and they were driving; intending to arrive a little early to both avoid Bella’s first day being started by having to navigate a massive crowd of students and to make sure all the details of her transfer were finalized. She still needed her class schedule, and there was a bit more paperwork she needed to do according to Charlie.

Charlie, to his credit, had taken one look at Bella when she had come down the stairs and clearly understood that her desire for conversation was sitting around a big fat zero, so the drive was made in complete silence. When they did arrive, the parking lot was nearly empty still.

Bella quickly speed-walked her way into the front of the building, Charlie right behind her. Once they were inside he led her to the main office where he had a few quick words with the woman at the desk. She was typing at a computer; a worn, off-white plastic casing surrounding the machine that was whirring and occasionally sputtering a bit pathetically. Bella could hear the various fans whirring, the sound somehow drowning out Charlie’s words with the woman as Bella’s ears started tingling again.

“Miss Swan?” came a high-pitched, somewhat weaselly voice eventually breaking through Bella’s reverie. Bella blinked and shook her head a little, looking at the woman sitting at the desk. Charlie was looking with a bit of undisguised concern at her, but Bella resolutely ignored him as she looked at the woman.

She had graying hair with the remnants of a light-brown dye treatment that had long since started to fade, put up in a tight bun. The frames of her ruby-red glasses had points on each of the upper outer corners, accentuated with a plastic crafts gem the size of a dime on each point. Her glasses matched her lipstick, which looked over-applied and slightly lumpy.

“Yes?” Bella asked awkwardly. “Sorry.”

“I have your class schedule here, and some paperwork for you and your father to fill out,” came the terse reply along with a clipboard, abruptly shoved in Bella’s direction. Bella took the clipboard, a pen tied to it with a piece of fraying twine, and sat down in a chair.

The top piece of paper was her weekly schedule. She took that and folded it in half, to look at in a minute.

Charlie sat next to her as she slowly started filling everything out. She needed a few pieces of information from him as progress was slowly made, and eventually she reached the final paper. An emergency contact form, with room for three entries.

She quickly put down Charlie, then looked at him.

“Put down Billy Black,” he suggested. “In case they can’t reach me. If something happens and I’m not available, he’ll take care of you. I trust him with my life.”

“Okay,” Bella said quietly, writing down the information Charlie gave her. She stared at the final blank entry, and the corners of her eyes pricked. “Should I...put Renee down?” she asked Charlie slowly, her voice halting.

He didn’t reply right away, choosing to adjust his sitting position for a moment instead.

“Whatever you want, kiddo,” Charlie murmured eventually.

Bella chewed on her lower lip for a moment as she debated internally before slowly writing in her mother’s contact information. Charlie didn’t say anything as Bella handed him the clipboard, unfolding her class schedule as he went to deliver her paperwork.

It was an entirely unremarkable schedule. The school wasn’t particularly large, and didn’t offer a lot of classes outside of what the government required them to have. Bella didn’t have too many options when selecting classes outside the basic curriculum, which was probably a good thing. She didn’t want to overwhelm herself.

She put her schedule down in her phone. The slip of paper would most likely disappear before the day was done, and Bella didn’t trust her memory in the slightest to absorb the schedule in its entirety for at least a few weeks.

When she stood up, the lady sitting at the desk handed her another slip of paper including her locker number and combination, which also went into her phone with her schedule. More words were said, words that Bella was certain that she heard but didn’t process in the slightest as the noise just fell onto her eardrums in the same way the buzzing of a gnat does.

Then she was dismissed and told to follow school rules and that she wouldn’t be getting any leniency just because she was Chief Swan’s daughter, and Charlie was accompanying her to her locker. Students had begun to arrive by this point and they had to navigate a crowded hallway to get to the right spot.

Whispers bounced from wall to wall as they walked, heads constantly turning and looking with varying mixtures of shock and confusion at Charlie. Curiosity as to why he was here was the main topic of the whispering, with several of the stares ricocheting off of Charlie and onto Bella.

Bella’s shoulders tensed every time she felt someone’s eyes on her, but nobody attempted to speak to her; no doubt due to Charlie’s intimidating presence. A few “Hello Chief Swan”’s were tossed his way, and he responded politely to each student who greeted him, but they were mostly left alone to get to Bella’s locker and deposit all the things she wouldn’t need for her first class of the day.

“You gonna be okay, kiddo?” Charlie asked quietly as he leaned against the lockers. Bella had just closed her own and locked it, spinning the dial before hoisting her backpack onto her shoulder. She shrugged.

“I’ll make it home in one piece,” she said, trying to laugh. All that made it out was a weak, thin chuckle, and Charlie sighed, patting her on the shoulder.

“Good luck,” he said after a moment. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Yeah,” Bella said, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “Bye Charlie.”

It only took thirty seconds after Charlie’s departure for the first person to come up to her, a boy.

“Hey, you’re the new girl. Chief Swan’s kid right?” he asked, looking Bella up and down a little. She felt herself recoil slightly under his gaze, but she nodded. “I’m Eric. Could I get an interview with you for the school paper? It’s not often we get a transfer into Forks High.”

“No,” Bella immediately said. “Excuse me, I have to find my class.”

She pushed past him and started to make her way through the hall. She heard him vaguely as he replied to her, but she ignored the words and just kept walking. A few other students tried to greet her, but she just tuned them out and kept walking. It was only when she just barely broke free of the crowd that she realized she had no clue where she was going,

Bella looked upwards at the little signs posted over the various doors, seeing if there would be any indication. They were labeled with letters and numbers, and when she pulled out her class schedule she couldn’t find anything resembling a guide that actually told her which classroom these classes happened in.

Letting out a small noise of frustration Bella took a step forward to just start walking again, and immediately collided with another person, sending several books tucked under their arm scattering to the ground. One of them hit Bella’s foot and she swore under her breath, setting her jaw.

“Fucking-” Bella hissed under her breath as the person she collided with quickly started apologizing profusely. Other students took brief looks and laughed a little before moving on, and Bella bent over to grab the book by her foot.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going,” the other person was saying. This time it was a girl, taller than Bella by nearly a full head. She had curly brown hair and lightly tanned skin, with thick-rimmed glasses covering nearly a quarter of her face. Bella blankly handed the girl her book back, and resisted the urge to reflexively yank her hand back when their fingers brushed together.

“Are you okay?” the girl asked, looking at Bella with anxious concern.

It took Bella a solid moment to reconfigure her brain as she realized that a girl close to her in age was actually willingly speaking to her, in a way where none of the words involved were slurs or insults, or telling her to go away.

“Fine,” Bella said automatically.

“That’s good,” the girl sighed in relief. “I don’t recognize you, so you must be the new girl everyone’s talking about? Chief Swan’s daughter?”

“Why is everyone talking about me,” Bella whined softly, putting her face in her hands. She sighed and nodded, pushing her hands through her hair. “I’m Bella Swan, yeah. Nice to meet you.”

“Because this town is small and nothing happens here,” the girl said with a light laugh. “It’ll pass eventually, someone will cheat on someone else or someone will get arrested for weed and then you’ll be old news.”

“I’d really rather not be news at all,” Bella muttered, rubbing her upper arm.

“Then you really shouldn’t have come to Forks,” the girl said wryly. “I’m Angela by the way. Angela Weber.”

Angela held her hand out, and Bella stared blankly at it for just long enough for it to be awkward before hesitantly reaching her own hand out and briefly shaking. The contact felt strange, foreign. The only people who had touched her in years had been Renee with her smothering hugs and lipstick-smearing kisses on her cheek, doctors, and Charlie’s occasional awkward pat on the knee or shoulder.

Bella resisted the urge to stare at her own hand after pulling it back, instead subtly rubbing it on her shirt to try and push away the tingling feeling on her skin.

“Do you need help getting around? Has anyone shown you around yet?” Angela asked.

“I uh,” Bella stammered a little, looking back down at her class schedule. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” she admitted.

Angela giggled, covering her mouth with her fist.

“What’s your first class?” she asked.

Bella went over her schedule with her, and found that they shared a few classes together. Angela gave her a quick run-down of which classroom contained each class, and Bella quickly noted it all down in her phone. They spoke as they walked, Angela leading Bella to the classroom she needed to be in for the beginning of the day.

“We’re here by the way,” Angela said as they arrived at a classroom door. There were already several students sitting inside, and Bella took a breath. “You should find me at lunch! You can sit with me and my friends.”

“Uh. Alright,” Bella said, nodding awkwardly. “...thanks.”

“Sure!” Angela said with a smile before heading off down the hallway, leaving Bella in the threshold of the classroom.

The morning continued to pass, fraying Bella’s nerves with every passing minute until the bell rang in the middle of the day, announcing lunch. A few more people had tried talking to Bella throughout the day, but she mostly brushed them off, trying to focus on getting to her classes without getting lost.

As she put her things together and began to prepare herself for another several minutes of being lost in crowded hallways, she could hear whispering. Voices she didn’t know, that she normally would have just ignored, but one of them had said ‘the Swan girl’ and now her ears were pricked and infuriatingly attentive.

“She seems weird,” a girl huffed.

“Weirdly hot,” came a hushed male voice. “Isn’t she supposed to be older too? I wonder why she’s still in her junior year.”

“Who cares,” came the girls voice again, sounding exasperated.

“Think I can get her number?” a third voice asked, a different boy.

“Ugh.”

Bella started putting her things together faster, fumbling with the zipper on her bag trying to get it closed as quickly as possible. She wasn’t fast enough though, as one of the whisperers started to approach from behind her.

“Hey, Swan! Need an escort to the cafeteria?”

“Sorry, no,” Bella said as she finally managed to zip her backpack up, throwing it over her shoulder and walking quickly away. She heard a huff of indignance from the boy as she shoved her way into the hallway, ignoring the irritation and grumbling from the others.

Her heart was thundering in her ears as she tried at first to navigate to the cafeteria, but with every step she took her muscles got more and more tense. She could feel the bile rising in her throat again, and this time she wasn’t confident she could fight it off.

She ducked into a bathroom and quickly found an empty stall, closing it behind her and dropping her backpack as she sunk to her knees and retched, gripping the edges of the toilet as she coughed heavily. Her throat and mouth burned with stomach acid as her empty stomach forced what little it could out of her and into the toilet, and her vision swam as her eyes watered.

A few coughs later, she grabbed some toilet paper and wiped her mouth. Gagging slightly at the smell and lingering taste in her mouth, she tossed it into the toilet and flushed it. She stumbled as she stood up, a palm on her forehead as she took a deep breath.

Bella briefly debated going to the cafeteria but quickly discarded the thought. She would have to speak to Angela and her friends if she went, or ignore them outright, and neither option particularly appealed to her. Avoidance was a policy that worked out for her most of the time, so she quickly grabbed her backpack and walked back into the hallway.

She didn’t know how long she had been in the bathroom, but it was long enough for the hallways to empty. Quickly flicking through her vague memories of Angela’s description of the schools layout, she knew there should be a door leading to a small outdoor area nearby.

A few moments later she found it, a door tucked behind a flight of stairs that led outside. It was nearby a janitor’s closet, and seemed to lead to where a set of large dumpsters were set up against the walls of the school.

Bella didn’t even mind the smell as she opened the door and got hit with the outdoor air, a gentle fall breeze carrying stray leaves across the ground as she took enough steps away from the dumpsters to escape the smell and sat down, her back against the cool brick of the school.

Her eyes closed as she pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs and tilting her head back until she felt the wall. She took long, steady breaths as she tried to calm her racing heart, her only remaining goal for the day being to make it through the afternoon classes. She refused to go home early on her first day.

As she was sitting, she heard a strange rustling noise followed by light, careful footsteps. Cracking an eye open, she saw someone approaching her; a girl. She was short, and at first Bella wondered if she was even a highschooler.

She had short brown hair in a pixie cut, and it looked messy in an intentional way, as if the girl had specifically combed and styled her hair so that it pointed in all sorts of wild directions. It suited her in an odd way. Her hands were clasped behind her back and she swayed back and forth as if she was being pushed around by the wind, the fabric of her skirt blowing around her legs slightly.

The girl simply stood and stared at Bella for a few moments until Bella opened her eyes all the way, clearly letting the girl know that Bella had spotted her.

“Can I help you?” Bella asked brusquely, not particularly in the mood to socialize.

“That depends!” the girl chirped, sounding cheery and upbeat. A wide smile split her face in half, and Bella found herself noticing that she had particularly prominent canine teeth. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Bella wasn’t sure why she was entertaining the thought of this conversation, but something about this girl was putting her at ease, almost against her own will. There was a whisper in the back of her mind, like the tendrils of an old memory trying to tell her something, but it felt strange and off.

She almost felt as though the girl looked familiar, but in a different way than some of the other Forks residents had felt familiar. In the two weeks leading up to school starting, the few times Bella had been out of the house she had seen a few faces that a part of her had recognized from when she was a child.

Billy Black’s face in particular had stood out to her. He had come over on the weekend to spend time with Charlie, and meet Bella. His face was well-worn and shadowed with time, but Bella still felt a tug in her gut upon seeing it and even though she couldn’t pull out any specific memories, Billy Black’s face still gave her a warm, nostalgic feeling. It was one of the only conversations she had since returning to Forks that was enjoyable to her.

Billy didn’t ask her anything about Arizona or Renee, or why she had come to Forks. Instead he talked to her about books and music, about old movies and tentative questions about her plans for the future.

This girl gave her that strange feeling of foreign familiarity, but as if it was coming from the opposite direction of Billy. While Billy gave her a warm, nostalgic feeling of her childhood self she could no longer clearly remember, this girl felt almost hazy; dreamlike.

“Sure,” Bella said with a nonchalant shrug.

The girl’s smile somehow got a little wider as she skipped a few feet closer, holding her hands out to the side a little before jumping, landing with both feet side by side. She was holding her arms out as if to keep her balance, but something about the way she moved her feet made Bella wonder if she really needed it. The sway of her body when she landed on her feet was almost convincing, but had an uncanny feeling to it.

The hairs on the back of Bella’s neck shivered, standing up and then slowly coming back down. A tickle crept through her spine, a tremble of odd anticipation.

“What,” the girl started slowly, “is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?”

Bella frowned.

The girl just continued to stare and smile at her, her head tilted slightly to the side in the same manner as a puppy does when it’s slightly confused by something. Bella rolled her shoulders as she thought about the question, wondering again why she was entertaining this conversation.

“I don’t really remember my dreams,” she mumbled.

“Really? But you do have them?” the girl inquired, tilting her head in the other direction. The smile had disappeared, having been replaced by a curious half-frown as the girl seemingly puzzled over Bella’s answer.

“I guess so. Doesn’t everyone?” Bella said with a shrug.

“I wouldn’t know. I suppose you’d have to ask everyone in the world to find out,” the girl hummed softly.

“Do you dream?” Bella asked.

“In a sense,” the girl replied easily, poking her foot out and drawing a half-circle across the concrete with her toes.

“One down then,” Bella murmured.

“Only about seven billion to go,” the girl giggled.

The two of them fell into a strangely comfortable silence. The wind whispered softly in Bella’s ear as it gently swam through the air past them, sending a few stray strands of hair into Bella’s face. Tucking the errant locks behind her ear, Bella took another, more thorough look at the girl.

Her skin was perfect. That was the first thing she noticed. She must have an absolutely back-breaking skincare routine, Bella found herself thinking idly as she looked for even the barest hint of a pimple or an acne scar anywhere on the girls face. She couldn’t even see a line where makeup had been blended into her skin, meaning either this girl was unfathomably thorough with her makeup or really just had skin that perfect.

The next thing Bella noticed was the honeyed, amber color of the girls eyes. When their eyes met, the girls face crinkled in another small smile as an almost catlike playfulness danced in her expression, concealing a depth in her eyes that Bella wondered at.

“I’ve never met anyone with amber eyes before,” Bella found herself saying casually.

“Did you know it’s actually rarer to be ginger than to have amber eyes?” the girl replied with a grin.

“...really?” Bella asked, frowning.

“Being ginger is actually rarer than most other cosmetic conditions people think of as rare,” the girl continued, nodding. “Only about two percent of the population are ginger. It’s actually more common to have an outie belly button than to be ginger.”

“Huh,” Bella said. “Neat.”

“Isn’t it?” the girl asked.

Bella was about to continue speaking when the bell rang. She jumped, startled by the sound, which prompted a bout of giggles from the girl. Bella felt her cheeks tint slightly pink from embarrassment as she gathered herself and stood, stretching her neck a little and groaning.

“It was uh, nice meeting you,” Bella said awkwardly to the girl, who had already stepped out of Bella’s path to the door.

“Oh! Yes, it was lovely to finally meet you as well. I’ll be seeing you around Bella!” the girl chirped excitedly before turning and skip-running away around the other side of the school. Bella’s mouth was open to formulate a reply, but before she could say anything the girl was already gone.

“Well. That was...that was something,” Bella mumbled to herself. She paused when she realized she hadn’t actually gotten the girls name, nor given out her own. She supposed it wasn’t exactly too surprising that someone knew her name, she’d introduced herself in class a few times by now at the prompting of teachers, but it was still odd.

Despite her best efforts, Bella couldn’t shake off the thoughts of her strange lunchtime encounter throughout the rest of the day. Angela found her in one of their shared afternoon classes and asked about her whereabouts during lunchtime.

“You okay? I didn’t see you at lunch,” she said, looking a bit wary.

“Yeah, sorry, I uh,” Bella said, trying to find an excuse as Angela sat in the desk next to hers. “Had to take a phone call. Stepped outside for a bit, kinda lost track of time.”

“Oh, I see,” Angela said, nodding slowly.

“I’ll sit with you tomorrow though!” Bella said quickly, trying to smooth things over. While she still wasn’t quite sure how on board she was with the whole ‘making friends’ concept, it was unfortunately an important part of ‘taking Forks seriously’ and she knew her therapist would be quite thoroughly disappointed in her if she self-sabotaged the first tentative offer of genuine friendship she got.

It seemed to work though, as Angela gave her a small smile before the teacher started talking. By the time the class was over, Angela seemed to have decided that Bella wasn’t actually intending to snub her and had gotten over her obviously somewhat-hurt feelings from lunchtime.

So much so that before they parted ways to separate classes, Angela handed Bella her phone with a new contact page already opened up. Bella’s name sat in the ‘Name’ box, and the phone’s keyboard was already open and waiting for a number to be put in.

Bella looked at Angela.

“Y’know, so if you’re gonna blow me off again you can at least text me first,” Angela said, the tone of her voice making it clear she was just poking fun, along with the slightly crooked smile. Bella offered a tentative smile in return and slowly input her own number, handing the phone back to Angela.

A few moments later in her next class, Bella felt her phone buzz against her thigh. Carefully extracting it when the teacher wasn’t looking, she saw the preview of a text from Angela.

Unknown Number[2:34 p.m.]: My friend Mike is really mad that I got your number before he did. The fact that we’re both girls does not seem to be assuaging him :P

Bella half-smiled, half-panicked as she read over the text. Her mind immediately jumped to several awful conclusions at the dismissive implications of Angela’s text, but Bella quickly began working on convincing herself that it was fine. Angela was straight, and simply assumed Bella was too. There was no reason to extract any implication of homophobia from a single text message.

While she managed to fend off panic, Bella did resolve in the back of her mind to test the waters of Angela and her friend groups opinions on certain matters before revealing information about herself. She wanted to keep that under lock and key until she got the lay of the land.

Dark, flickering memories from her old high school in Phoenix threatened ominously at the edges of her consciousness, and she felt a shiver go down her back at the thought of the last time Bella neglected to scout things out before revealing herself.

She didn’t run into Angela the rest of the afternoon. They only shared the one class today, and Bella felt that it was maybe for the best. If they spoke again now, she was certain her fried nerves would be on full display and she’d be unable to conceal the completely unreasonable anxiety that was currently playing havoc with her nervous system over Angela’s text.

The end of the school day saw Bella making her way as fast as she could to the entrance where she hoped Charlie would have already arrived.

Scanning the parking lot for his cruiser, Bella found her eyes glancing across a group of students and finding among them a familiar mop of messy brown hair. The girl from earlier was talking animatedly to a taller blonde boy, hanging off his arm.

A much larger, broader boy was in front of them, walking backwards as he engaged in conversation with her. His hands were in his pockets and he somehow didn’t bump into anyone despite not looking where he was going.

As if she could feel Bella’s eyes, the girl abruptly turned and stared right at Bella’s face, her previous animated expression vanishing in favor of quickly flashing from surprise to curious joy, a small smile alighting on her face as she gave Bella a quick nod before turning back to the blonde boy.

Bella felt another shiver down her spine and growled to herself, irritated at her body for all the off-kilter feedback it was giving her today. She shook herself out and took another look around, sighing in relief as Charlie’s cruiser pulled into the parking lot.

As soon as she was sat in the passenger seat she had her phone out, properly adding Angela to her contacts and texting her back.

Bella [3:53 p.m.]: Mike certainly sounds like a character. Will I be meeting him tomorrow?

“You alright?” Charlie asked as he pulled into the road. “How’d the day go?”

“I threw up,” Bella said bluntly. Charlie grimaced in sympathy. “Aside from the minor anxiety attack though I guess it went about as well as I expected it to. People talking about me like I wasn’t right there in the room with them constantly throughout the day, lots of staring. Can you please go plant some weed on someone so they stop talking about me?”

“Can’t do that Bells,” Charlie chuckled ruefully. “Pretty sure that’s unethical.”

“Lame,” Bella groaned. “I did make one friend though, sort of. Maybe friend is too strong of a word. I met a girl with whom conversation was not entirely painful.”

“Yeah?” Charlie asked. “That’s good.”

Bella debated mentioning the strange girl from lunch, but decided against it. That was a bit too weird to talk about with Charlie, and she wasn’t really sure what the point of it would be.

“Her name’s Angela,” Bella said as her phone buzzed.

Angela [3:56 p.m.]: Unfortunately for you, yes you will. I wish I could tell you that he’s not as obnoxious as he seems and that he gets better when you get to know him but lying is against my personal creed.

Angela [3:56 p.m.]: He’s alright though. If you can get past that part. :)

Bella [3:56 p.m.]: Cool.

“That her?” Charlie asked.

“Mhm,” Bella replied.

“Angela, Angela…” he repeated under his breath a few times. “Tall girl? On the darker side?”

“Yep,” Bella said, popping the ‘p’ as she put her phone away. “Got it in one.”

“I think I know her father,” Charlie muttered to himself. “Good family.”

“I’m glad my first friend has the Charlie Swan stamp of approval,” Bella drawled lightly, prompting a huff from Charlie.

“Hey that’s not an easy stamp to get,” Charlie said firmly. “She should wear it with honor.”

“I’ll be sure to inform her,” Bella said, rolling her eyes lightly.

Some hours, a long, hot shower, and the first thing she’d eaten all day later, Bella collapsed into her bed. It was now a proper wooden frame with a thick, queen-sized mattress instead of a ratty futon. She had three new pillows with a fresh set of sheets and pillowcases, and real blankets now.

There was even a teddy bear, which Bella thought was a bit overkill but Charlie had insisted, saying no kid’s bed was complete without a stuffed animal of some kind. Bella’s insistence that she was no longer a kid fell on deaf ears, and thus Mister Bearington Bear the Third was born.

Charlie asked her what happened to Misters Bearington Bear the First and Second, and when Bella had looked him dead in the eyes and very forlornly informed him that they had died in a horrible stuffed shark attack, she was half convinced Charlie was about to throw her in the looney bin right then and there.

As Bella relaxed in bed, the evening slowly wore on as the sun dipped below the horizon. Various noises of insect life came alive, the gentle chittering being joined by the occasional bird or frog making its presence known. The gloomy gray afternoon curled into a brief explosion of color, orange and pink streaking across the sky as the sun illuminated the clouds and shone in through Bella’s window.

Bella watched the colors fade from the sky before sighing and getting out of bed, walking over to her desk and flicking the lamp on. She sat down and unzipped her backpack, pulling out various packets of homework she had received from classes so far.

The teachers all were various levels of lenient about when Bella could turn in the homework they had assigned since the semester started, but all of them expected it to happen before the end of the year.

She began working, filling in worksheets, reading and re-reading sections of textbooks, and filling up pages of notes in a fresh pad. Bella worked for about an hour when she heard her phone buzz again and, thinking it was Angela again, she picked up her phone and flicked the display on.

Unknown Number [6:03 p.m.]: Lovely meeting you today Bella. I hope you don’t mind the unprompted communication, but I must insist you go to the cafeteria for lunch tomorrow. It’s quite important. Thank you! :)

Bella blinked a few times in confusion, trying to figure out if she had given her number to anyone at all today besides Angela.

Bella [6:05 p.m.]: Who is this?

Unknown Number [6:05 p.m.]: Spoilers! :)

The immediacy and strangeness of the one-word response set Bella on edge. She stood up and looked out of her window, feeling a wave of paranoia sweep over her. After confirming that nobody was outside, that she could see, she grabbed her phone again.

Bella [6:10 p.m.]: This isn’t funny. Who are you?

Unknown Number [6:10 p.m.]: I’m very sorry for upsetting you! That wasn’t my intention in the slightest. I’m simply trying to push a few things in the right direction, you see. I promise you I only have your best intentions in mind and mean you no harm whatsoever.

This time the reply was much longer, but still came in practically immediately; as if the sender knew exactly when Bella was going to send her own text. Bella was going to reply when another text came in.

Unknown Number [6:10 p.m.]: Is there anything I can say to soothe your fears?

Bella [6:14 p.m.]: My dad is the local Chief of Police. If you’re some kind of weirdo stalker, you’re not going to have a good time.

Unknown Number [6:14 p.m.]: I can see you’re not very responsive right now, which is probably my mistake. I’ll leave you alone now, and I apologize again for scaring you. But if you could pretty please eat lunch in the cafeteria tomorrow it would make things a lot easier for everyone.

Bella [6:15 p.m.]: Seriously, who are you??

Unknown Number [6:15 p.m.]: Spoilers!!!!!

Bella groaned and threw her phone into her bed, putting her face in her hands.

Part of her debated going to Charlie and showing him the texts, but another, much louder part of her guessed that it was just one of Angela’s friends that had gotten her number somehow and was playing a very weird, very creepy practical joke of some kind.

Scaring Angela’s friends with her dad was not exactly the best way to endear herself, but on the other hand if it was some kind of stalker, Charlie would probably disembowel Bella himself for not telling him sooner.

In the end she decided to just leave it. One way or the other she’d figure out what was going on tomorrow, and if Angela and her friends denied knowledge of the texts then she’d simply take her phone to Charlie.

She went to sleep not long after that, her brain finally giving her the message that it was very much done with being conscious for the day and it was time for bed. She brushed her teeth, said goodnight to Charlie, and went to bed.

~~~~~~~

When she woke the next day, the first thing she did was check her phone; only to discover that the mysterious texts from the previous night had vanished entirely without a trace. She checked every last aspect of her phone to see if it had been broken into in some fashion, but it was functioning completely the same as last night.

The last text she had received was the one from Angela that had come in on her way home from school. No sign of the number from the previous night.

Bella felt like she was going crazy.

She knew it had happened. She had received those texts. She had replied to those texts. There had to be a way to recover them if they had mysteriously deleted themselves through some glitch or bug in her phone.

As she was gathering her things for school she dialed the customer support line for her carrier, and was still speaking with them when she went downstairs. Charlie was standing at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee, waiting for her.

“No, I’m absolutely positive I received them last night. Around six. Yes. Yes ,” Bella repeated herself, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What do you mean you aren’t able to recover lost texts. Don’t you guys keep all that shit to send to the government to find terrorists and shit?”

Charlie raised his eyebrows in concerned curiosity as Bella ranted.

“No, you know what, I want to speak to someone who can help me, put your manager on,” Bella snapped eventually. Then she groaned again, bending over and putting a hand on the counter. “Seriously? Is he actually in a meeting or are you just stonewalling me because he wouldn’t know what the hell to do either? Yeah. Yeah I bet. Yeah whatever, have a nice day.”

Bella hung up the phone and stood up straight, taking a deep breath.

“Stupid useless customer support,” she muttered before turning around to face Charlie. “Hi. Sorry. Stressful morning. My phone somehow deleted an entire message history with someone and the company is pretending they don’t know anything about it or how I would go about recovering lost messages.”

“That sucks. Was it that Angela girl? You can always get her number again today if you lost it,” Charlie said sympathetically.

“No. Someone else,” Bella said offhandedly, rubbing her temples. “Can we just go? I’m about to scream at someone and I just want to get there.”

“Sure,” Charlie said, tossing Bella a set of keys. She reflexively caught them before a look of confusion washed over her face, and she looked from the keys, to Charlie, back to the keys, back to Charlie. Back to the keys. Back to Charlie. Keys. Charlie. Keys. Charlie. Keys.

“Bweh?” she eventually managed to get out.

“I figure I owe you for about ten years of missed birthday parties,” Charlie said slowly, taking another sip of coffee. “Technically it’s from me and Billy. Billy’s truck that his kid fixed up, and I bought it off him for a discount.”

“Bwuh?” Bella said again.

“Picked it up early this morning,” Charlie said. “It’s in the driveway now. Full tank of gas, ready to go. You uh, you do have your license, right?”

Bella nodded several times in rapid succession. Getting her drivers license had actually been one of the few things Renee was on top of. Depressive episodes be damned, Bella had been pushed and prodded and corralled into learning how to drive.

“Good. You’ll be taking yourself to school then, unless you need me for navigation,” Charlie chuckled.

“I can GPS it,” Bella whispered before throwing the keys onto the counter and practically launching herself at Charlie. He grunted and lifted his arms up to stop his coffee from spilling as Bella briefly wrapped her arms around his torso in a bear hug before releasing him just as quickly and leaping several feet back, smacking her hip against the counter in the process.

The two of them stared at each other for a minute.

“I uh,” Bella coughed awkwardly. “Thanks. Charlie. That uh, that means a lot. To me. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t mention it,” Charlie mumbled, rescuing his mouth from having to say more words by drinking more coffee.

Bella thanked Charlie again before grabbing the keys and racing out to the driveway. She was met with a worn-out truck that looked like it had been made twenty years ago, but whoever had done the work on it had done a very reasonable job. It certainly wouldn’t be fooling anybody into thinking it was new, but it was hers and that’s all that mattered to Bella right now.

Hopping in the driver seat and inserting the keys, Bella couldn’t stop the smile from breaking through her lips as the engine rumbled to life. It stuttered a few times but was soon consistently chugging away, and Bella took a few moments to familiarize herself with it before slowly pulling out of the driveway.

For the moment, the thoughts of the mysterious vanishing texts and the impending arrival of whatever the texter wanted for Bella at lunchtime were pushed to the back of her mind as she took a few laps around the block to get acquainted with her new vehicle.

It was another step towards moving forward, Bella felt as she finally pulled onto the main road to head towards the school. Even once she had her license, she hadn’t made any real use of it back in Phoenix. She’d drive Renee to the grocery store occasionally when Renee really didn’t want to drive herself, but that was about it.

But here she was. Driving a truck that, beat-up hunk of metal it may be, was all her own.

Bella arrived at school that day with a smile that not even the stares of the students as she walked in through the front doors could wipe away immediately.

It only disappeared when she saw Angela, and asked her if she had given her number to any of her friends. Angela looked at her strangely and shook her head.

“Uh, no? Why would I do that?” Angela asked.

“I just got some weird texts last night and I wondered if someone was playing a joke on me,” Bella sighed.

“Oh. It was probably just spam,” Angela said with a dismissive shrug. “Anyway, are you coming to lunch with me today like you said?”

Bella’s stomach did a flip.

“Uh. Yeah. Yeah, sure,” Bella nodded, trying to tamp down her anxiety.

It would be fine. Bella would be fine.

Probably.

...right?

Notes:

I'm not going to sit here and claim my personal interpretation of Alice Cullen is unique. There's a lot of ways you can build her character, and my favorites tend to run on the same wavelengths as my own, as the future of this fic will display prominently. Parallels with autism and ADHD and the ways it can present, Alice's precognition leads to many social stumbles as she eternally struggles with the ability to empathize with and understand others whose day-to-day life is not consumed with prescience and violent see-sawing between perfect and imperfect information. She is, by far and away, my favorite Twilight character to write, and I have a future fic down the pipeline that is Alice/Jasper/Bella that I'm very excited to work on eventually. Currently this fic is my focus and she's very much a secondary character to the main pairing, but I won't be able to resist giving her plenty of screentime. There's a reason she and Emmett are the only other characters that get explicit mention in the Relationship and Character tags for this fic.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this second entry into this fic as Bella starts taking her first steps into moving forward with her life. Poor girl kinda went through it a little bit this chapter, and I'm sure plenty of us can relate to the anxiety. Unfortunately for her I cannot make any promises that next chapter will be any less fraying on her nerves :'D

Chapter 3: I Don't Know Quite Who I Am, But Man I Am Trying

Summary:

Bella dreadfully anticipates the lunch period of her second day following some strange texts from an unknown person, but instead of her awful expectations being met, she makes a strange new friend...

Fate was a concept Bella never put much stock in. In her childhood, the stories of destined heroes and Chosen Ones, of prophecies, never resonated with her. She enjoyed stories about people, regular people just going through their lives and struggles. When a fantasy craze swept through her elementary school and recess was dominated by wizards and knights and dragons, Bella was sat underneath a slide reading something that teachers would snidely inform her was ‘too far above her reading level’ and her peers would deem ‘boring and lame’.

She wondered occasionally if it was Renees taste in television that pushed her in that direction. To this day, her mother was obsessed with procedural dramas. Cops and doctors seemed to be the most prevalent subjects in her mothers television-watching, all of whom seemed to have an endless well of drama in their personal lives to draw on. Secret and counter-secret, plotlines that logically could have been solved in a single episode drawn out to a whole season by pulling the lever of human stupidity, and a frankly uncanny portrayal of the natural tendency human beings seem to have towards hurting each other; intentionally or otherwise.

Bella would eat it up along with her. Even as she grew older and started to develop some of her own tastes, countless hours were wiled away sat in front of a television as a group of middle-aged actors collected their fourteenth straight year of paychecks from the same show.

Those were the kinds of stories that Bella always enjoyed. The tragedy of human choices, scoffed at as unrealistic by critics of those stories, but Bella knew that there was a bit more truth in them than most would be comfortable admitting.

She had seen and experienced first-hand the kind of pain human beings are willing to inflict on each other for seemingly no other reason than the drama of it all.

~~~~~

The second day of school progressed exactly the same way the first day did. There were some minute differences, like which classrooms specifically Bella got lost on the way to, but it was the same pattern. Navigate the hallways, find the right classroom, sit through the class, ignore the whispers and stares, wash, rinse, repeat.

But today, the ramping anxiety throughout the morning had a real source rather than simply being a build-up from the natural stressors of Bella’s surroundings. The mystery texts hung in the back of Bella’s mind ominously, and as lunch got closer and closer, she could barely keep her hands from trembling as she took notes.

She tried to distract herself with anything she had available. She read through her textbooks, and when that became too mind-numbing she scribbled in the margins of her notebooks; idle little doodles and words that ultimately meant nothing.

The final period before lunch had Bella completely unable to focus on anything other than keeping the meager contents of her stomach firmly inside. It felt like electricity was humming through her body, her capillaries tingling and swelling with each heartbeat. Her vision would occasionally swim in front of her eyes as her throat dried up from unseen ash; prompting dry, uncomfortable swallows every few minutes to try and ease the sandpaper-sensation of her throat closing up.

Dull vibrations in the air were all that reached her from the teacher’s lecturing mouth; his lips moving only to produce a slightly warm, bassy tone that sounded to Bella like hearing someone speak through several feet of water. She could somewhat make out the words and parse general context from the shapes his mouth made, but otherwise she couldn’t understand a thing.

Someone asked her if they could borrow a pencil at some point, she was pretty sure. She felt a little bad for ignoring them but she barely had enough control over her limbs to write her own notes; if she tried to hand someone a pencil right now she was certain she’d somehow end up stabbing someone’s eye out by complete accident.

“Shit,” she whispered as the tip of her pencil lead broke on her notebook. The sound cracked through her skull like a gunshot and she was certain the entire classroom must be staring at her right now. She kept her eyes pointed firmly downwards, the weight of the inevitable glares and eyes pointed her way crushing her esophagus. Her notes turned to utter gibberish in front of her and time began to feel dilated and murky, caught between hours feeling like seconds and seconds feeling like hours.

And then the bell rang and Bella flinched hard, squeezing the broken pencil in her hand and wincing from the pain in her fingers. Conversation began flowing through the room and managed to break through the hammering of Bella’s heartbeat in her ears. The slow realization bled through that she was, in fact, not being stared at, and a soft exhale of relief passed through her lips.

Her legs felt wobbly from the adrenaline spike as she tried to stand, stumbling slightly into her desk. She clumsily gathered her things together with a faint sense of defeat. There was no avoiding the cafeteria now, if she didn’t get something to eat after that she was liable to pass out.

Shoulders jostled against shoulders as Bella allowed herself to be swept and bumped through the hallways, mumbled apologies constantly on her lips as she made her way to the cafeteria. The edges of her vision were a little fuzzy and her legs still wobbled, but by the time she got the cafeteria she mostly just felt sleepy.

A tray was unceremoniously filled up with the vague slopperies of a high school lunch. A sandwich filled with what could only be canned ‘Sloppy Joe’ meat on a fifty-cent bun, a scoop of vaguely lumpy macaroni and ‘cheese’, a scoop of vegetables that smelled about as appetizing as they looked, and a choice between either a small bottle of Sunny D or a weird, off-brand lemonade.

She chose the Sunny D. It might have the taste equivalent to what an alien might guess an orange would taste like based off a verbal description, but at least it was familiar. Turning around she already saw Angela waving her over.

Angela had an open seat next to her, on the edge of the table. On her other side was another girl, with braided hair. Sitting across from her were two boys and a third girl, all three of which were attempting to, with varying levels of subtlety, look over their shoulders at Bella.

Bella approached and sat down, keeping a wary eye out for the mystery texter. She sat with a heavy sigh and rubbed at her eyes with the base of her palms, turning to Angela with a tired expression.

“Hello. It has been a morning. I certainly hope yours has gone far better than mine,” she said with as much friendliness as she could muster. It wasn’t much, and Bella expected she sounded far more irritated than she actually felt, but Angela seemed to pick up on it enough to flash a smile in return.

“It’s been whatever,” Angela said with a shrug. “Bella these are my friends. Jessica, Lauren, Tyler, and Mike.”

She pointed at each in turn, each of them greeting Bella with varying levels of enthusiasm. Jessica, the girl sitting on Angela’s other side, immediately pounced on Bella with a flurry of questions about why she had moved to Forks and was it really true that she was already eighteen and why did she have to repeat her Junior year?

Lauren made a show of rolling her eyes at Jessica but couldn’t hide the curiosity that was still blatantly showing on her face. Tyler and Mike just looked at Jessica with exasperated expressions, and Angela scrunched her eyes closed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“What?” Jessica asked the group, looking vaguely offended at their reactions. “Am I supposed to just not ask?”

“Jess…” Angela started.

“It’s fine,” Bella said quietly, pushing her macaroni around with a plastic fork. “I went through a really rough patch back in Phoenix and got held back a year. No biggie. I’m in Forks for a...change of scenery, I guess.”

“Pretty drastic change,” Lauren commented. Bella just shrugged.

“So, you got a boyfriend back in Phoenix or whatever? Is he mad you moved?” one of the boys asked, Mike, Bella thought.

She couldn’t help the knee-jerk reaction and gagged slightly, shaking her head.

“Ugh, no,” Bella said, rolling her eyes before taking a bite of her sandwich. It was disgusting, but she resolutely forced her way through chewing it to a rough swallow, drowning the bite with some Sunny D.

“Cool. Cool cool cool,” Mike said, shifting in his seat and running a hand through his hair in a way he clearly thought made him look attractive, but Bella just thought he looked a bit silly.

Some more surface level conversation was exchanged as Bella slowly picked her way through her food. Most of the questions were things she deflected, some of them were easy enough to answer like her favorite movie or band, and eventually they seemed to lose interest in her. Angela was the only one who kept talking directly to Bella, with the other four seemingly happy to conversate amongst themselves.

About halfway through lunch the doors opened again, and the strangest thing happened. All the conversation in the room seemed to die in an instant, replaced with only a few hushed voices as all heads briefly turned in the same direction. For only a second Bella nearly panicked thinking everyone was about to look at her, but then her head turned in the same direction as everyone elses.

Bella’s eyes widened as she took in a view of the most attractive group of teenagers she had ever seen in her life. Practically air-brushed supermodels made reality, they talked amongst themselves as they filed down the line, filling up their trays.

She nearly did a double take when she spotted the same girl from yesterday among them, squished in between the same two boys she had seen her with in the parking lot. She was practically bouncing with every step, and had a face-splitting grin on.

Then, as soon as the silence had arrived, it left. The din of conversation returned to the room and it was as if the moment of silence hadn’t even happened in the first place. Bella felt a poke on her cheek and she turned to face Angela.

“Yeah, sorry, I should have warned you or something?” she said awkwardly. “That happens every day they’re here. You kinda get used to it.”

“Who…?” Bella said, her brain trying to catch up with what it had just experienced.

“The Cullens,” Lauren muttered, rolling her eyes. “Bunch of fucking freaky weirdos. They’re pretty, sure, I guess, but whatever.”

“You’re just mad because Rosalie roasted your outfit so hard last year you had to burn it,” Tyler snarked, chuckling at the murderous glare Lauren threw his way.

“They moved here the summer before last,” Angela explained to Bella. “All adopted by some rich doctor named Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme. I guess they can’t have kids of their own or something so they adopt.”

Bella took another glance at the Cullen kids, who had all made their way towards the only empty lunch table in the room. Something warm passed over her as she glanced at them, and a powerful urge to keep staring was muted by Angela catching her attention again with further explanation.

“They have a bit of a mixed reputation around here,” she continued with an awkwardness to her tone. “Emmett and Alice are friendly enough, especially if you manage to catch them without their siblings around, but the other three are a bit...um…”

“Edward and Rosalie are massive bitches,” Jessica grumbled, interrupting. “Edward’s tolerable though I guess as long as you don’t try to talk to him. But you can just tell that he’s one of those super judgmental pricks that thinks he’s way better than everyone around him.”

“Which is who?” Bella muttered to Angela, the names being thrown at her meaning absolutely nothing.

“Right, yeah, sorry,” Angela said, trying to subtly point at each Cullen without them noticing. “Big football-player looking guy is Emmett. Somehow he’s the least intimidating of them all, he’s really nice actually. Still kind of standoffish and weirdly private and avoidant of anyone outside his family, they all are, but he’s nice.”

“Okay,” Bella said with a nod, tossing another sideways glance.

“Dark haired boy is Edward. Despite Jessica’s words he’s...fine. A bit prissy I guess but I think he’s mostly just tired of having to constantly reject all the girls who routinely ask him out once every other month or so. I think Jessica attempted it three times before she gave up.”

Jessica huffed and turned away from Angela, flipping her a not-so-subtle bird in the process.

“Who’s the short one?” Bella mumbled. “I ran into her yesterday. She was, uh…”

“That’s Alice,” Angela said with a nod. “She’s a character, yeah. Don’t get me wrong she’s nice and will happily carry a conversation with you if she’s alone, but she’s definitely kind of out there.”

“She’s a freak,” Lauren said plainly.

“She is not a freak,” Angela insisted. “Just because she’s a bit spacey and says weird things sometimes doesn’t make her a freak.”

“No but the fact that she’s dating her brother does,” Lauren said, making a face. Bella coughed hard, having been in the middle of taking a drink.

Angela thumped her on the back a few times as she tried not to choke.

“What?” Bella rasped.

“The blonde boy, Jasper, people think he and Alice are together,” Angela sighed.

“They are,” Lauren insisted. “Johnny says that Colleen, his friends girlfriend I think? Saw them making out under the stairs last May.”

“Right, because that’s a reliable source of information,” Angela muttered.

Lauren scoffed and pulled out her phone.

“And...the last one?” Bella asked quietly. She had managed to connect faces and names to four of the five Cullens, which left ‘Rosalie’ to the tall blonde girl whose legs Bella was most certainly not looking at. Definitely not.

“Rosalie Hale. Jasper’s twin sister. They kept their last names, I guess,” Angela said with a shrug. “She’s the only one who actually lives up to her reputation. She’s got a real viper of a tongue on her, more likely to insult you in some way than say good morning.”

Bella definitely did not need to be thinking about Rosalie Hale’s tongue and found herself cursing Angela’s choice of words in the back of her mind as she swallowed, reaching out and taking another gulp of juice as her throat suddenly dried up again.

“I see,” she managed to get out. “Why is she so mean dyou think?”

Angela shrugged.

“Dunno. Don’t care. She’s just mean. Sometimes people deserve it. Sometimes she unloads on someone for the sin of existing in her presence. You never really know with her. I’ve just learned to stay out of her way and out of her business.”

Bella thought for a few moments before turning to Lauren.

“Did you really burn an outfit because of something she said?”

Lauren’s following scowl would have melted her phone in her hands if looks could kill, and she curled her lip; shooting a dirty look at Tyler.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she spat.

Bella held up her hands in mock surrender.

The conversation fell off after that, with Bella drifting to the outside of it all as the group began to chatter amongst themselves again. In the corners of her eye the Cullen family sat and spoke amongst themselves, and Bella couldn’t stop her attention from flickering over them.

She noticed they weren’t eating. Just pushing the food around occasionally. Rosalie Hale wasn’t even bothering to do that though. Her tray was pushed several inches away from her and she didn’t even spare it a glance, instead she seemed to be deep in conversation with her twin brother.

There was something about Rosalie Hale that kept pulling Bella’s attention towards her. In the thirty minutes they shared a cafeteria together, there was something that kept nudging Bella’s eyes towards her over and over again, moreso than her siblings.

At first Bella thought it was just her looks. She was attractive. More attractive than any girl she’d ever met before, and Bella moaned inwardly as she prayed to whatever gods might be listening to not develop a crush on what was clearly the most unattainable girl in Forks, let alone in school.

Eventually, near the end of the lunch period when people started to pack up their bags in anticipation of the bell, one of Bella’s flickering glances caught the eye of Alice Cullen. Amber eyes snapped to Bella’s dark brown and locked her in place. Bella felt her neck flush with embarrassment at being caught looking, but Alice didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

To the contrary even. Alice’s eyes lit up with amused sparkles as she held brief eye contact with Bella, and the corner of her mouth turned up in a truly mischeivous smirk. Something wiggled in the back of Bella’s mind, an errant thought that Bella was certain was important somehow but couldn’t be nailed down in her embarrassed, preoccupied state.

Alice stood up the moment the bell rang, deftly half-vaulting over the bench of the table. Ducking and weaving around the students she was gone from Bella’s sight.

Angela handed Bella her backpack.

“I’ll see you later?” she asked with an awkward smile. “I hope my friends didn’t upset you too much with their barrage of questions.”

“Eh. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before,” Bella deflected, taking her backpack and slinging it over her shoulder. “And, yeah. I’ll see you later.”

Angela smiled again before turning around and joining her friends as they left the cafeteria together. Bella was about to make her own way out when she felt slender fingers clasp around her wrist and carefully pull her backwards, somehow guiding her around the other students so she didn’t collide with anyone.

She yelped in surprise as she turned around, finding Alice Cullen with a firm grip on her wrist and pulling her into the corner of the cafeteria. When Alice finally let go of her wrist, Bella yanked her arm back and rubbed at the skin where Alice’s fingers had touched.

Cold, Bella thought idly.

“What the hell!?” she blurted out loud. Alice grinned and stood on her toes, tilting her head to the side and looking at Bella’s face.

“Hello,” she said pleasantly, holding her hand out. “I realized I forgot to introduce myself properly yesterday, which was very rude of me. I’m Alice Cullen. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintence.”

“So you just attack me in the cafeteria?” Bella asked with an exasperated sigh.

“I didn’t attack you!” Alice gasped. “I just wanted to talk to you away from a crowd, that’s all.”

Bella resisted the urge to groan, and instead took a deep breath. Alice kept smiling at her, her hand still stuck out between them. Sighing again, Bella took her hand and gave it a quick shake, noting again how cold her hand was.

“Bella Swan,” she muttered.

“I know,” Alice giggled. “I think everyone knows who you are.”

“Yippee,” Bella deadpanned. “Was that all you wanted? I have to get to class.”

Alice pouted a little.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to go,” she grumbled to herself.

“What?” Bella asked, even more confused than before.

“Nothing,” Alice said with a dramatic sigh. “Do you know what verisimilitude means?”

Bella blinked.

“Maybe? It sounds familiar,” she said after a moment.

Alice shook her head and frowned.

“I’m sorry. This is all out of order. Sometimes I have trouble, you see,” she said, keeping a conversational tone despite the profound sadness that had begun to spread across her face. “Things don’t always happen to me the way I want them to.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Bella mumbled.

“Let me start over,” Alice said, straightening herself up and holding her hand out again. “Hi. I’m Alice Cullen. Myself and my family are also new to Forks and it’s nice to see another new face, and I was wondering if you’d like to be my friend.”

Despite her overall annoyance with the situation, Bella couldn’t help herself from feeling charmed by Alice and her strangeness. Despite the oddity of it all she had enjoyed their conversation from yesterday, and she could definitely relate to being awkward with making friends.

She started to hold her hand out again, and then frowned.

“Wait a minute,” she muttered. “Was that you last night? Did you get my number somehow?”

Alice frowned again and tilted her head to the side.

“I’m sorry? I don’t think I follow.”

Bella took a half step back, furrowing her brow. “Someone texted me some weird shit last night, and specifically told me to be in the cafeteria today. Was that you?”

Alice looked utterly befuddled, shaking her head slowly.

“I’m sorry Bella, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Do you still have the texts? I can show you my number and you can see if they match, here,” Alice said, pulling her phone out and opening it.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Bella sighed, rubbing her temples. “Angela said it was probably just some weird spam. Or maybe it was just a stupid prank of some kind. Just forget I said anything.”

“Alright,” Alice said, putting her phone away. “Are you alright?”

Bella waited a beat before replying.

“You ever ask yourself if anyone else knows what they’re doing? Or if it’s just you who doesn’t know what the fuck is ever going on or who they are, or what they’re doing? Like everyone else knows exactly what’s up, and you’re just a lost idiot?” Bella asked, her voice coming out strained and thick. She had no idea what she was saying or why she was saying it to someone she had only just met yesterday, but the words came tumbling and spilling out regardless.

Alice’s face softened and she nodded slowly.

“Yeah. I know what you mean,” she said quietly.

Bella just nodded.

A few moments later she realized she and Alice were the only two left in the cafeteria, and they were definitely late to class at this point. Her heart rate spiked and she groaned, smacking herself in the forehead.

“Great. My second day and I’m already late to a class.”

“Want to just skip it with me? We can go sit outside for a bit and just go to our next classes. One skip near the start of the year won’t hurt anything,” Alice said with a small smile.

Bella contemplated the idea of walking into an already-full class, blatantly several minutes late, and enduring the stares of everyone as she stumbled to her seat. This idea was contemplated for about thirty seconds before Bella decided she’d rather set her shoes on fire and tap-dance.

“Screw it,” she muttered. “Sure. Why not.”

“Excellent!” Alice said, clapping her hands together and grinning. She led Bella outside to a spot where they could sit in relative comfort. Bella set a quick alarm on her phone to go off five minutes before the class she was skipping ended, so she would have plenty of time to make it to the next one.

“So where did you move from?” Bella asked Alice as they sat together, backs against the wall of the school building.

“Alaska,” Alice chirped, grabbing a few long blades of grass and carefully beginning to braid them together. “You?”

“Whoa,” Bella said, eyes widening slightly. “Total opposite. Phoenix.”

“Ohhh, I’ve always wanted to go to Arizona!” Alice sighed. “I’ve never seen the Grand Canyon. It’s a travesty!”

“It’s just a big hole in the ground,” Bella chuckled. “Plus, doesn’t Alaska have like, glaciers and stuff? That’s way cooler.”

“I guess,” Alice shrugged.

They were quiet for a few moments before Bella kept talking.

“What was that word you said earlier? Versimiliwhatsit?”

“Verisimilitude,” Alice said with a giggle. “It’s...the quality of something appearing to be true or real.”

“So like, a hallucination?” Bella asked with a frown. “Or like something that’s not real that looks like it is?”

“Not quite,” Alice said, shaking her head. “It’s more of a feeling, I suppose. Things that are already true or real can carry the feeling of verisimilitude. When used in philosophical terms it describes the concept of some propositions are closer to being true than others.”

“Huh. So what did you mean earlier, when you brought it up?” Bella asked curiously. “And all that stuff about being out of order?”

Alice was quiet for a while, which struck Bella as something that must be unusual; based entirely on her few brief prior encounters with her.

“I have a form of...you could call it maladaptive daydreaming, I suppose,” Alice eventually continued. “My mother says I have a very overactive imagination. Sometimes I imagine the things I want to be true so much that they almost become true, in a sense.”

“I see,” Bella replied softly after a few moments. “So…”

“So, I got very excited about another new student and whipped myself up into a frenzy imagining what you might be like and thinking that we could be friends,” Alice said quickly with a huff. “It’s quite embarrassing and I’d like to move past it now, if we could. Please.”

Bella turned that over in her mind a few times before shrugging. She’d certainly heard weirder things, and she would be the last person to criticize someone else for their brain doing wacky things without their permission. Pot meeting kettle and all.

“Consider it forgotten,” Bella said.

“Wonderful!” Alice chirped, and suddenly she was back to the sprightly, chattery individual Bella had observed briefly yesterday. She suddenly found herself absolutely plastered with questions about herself, barely able to get a word in edgewise to ask Alice her own questions.

Somehow though Bella found herself enjoying the time, far moreso than she had enjoyed the lunch with Angela and her friends. She liked Angela well enough, her friends maybe not so much, but there was something about Alice that just clicked a little more for Bella. She wondered if maybe it was some kind of kindred spirit thing, two screwed up brains recognizing each other and doing the Spider-Man pointing meme over it.

Eventually her alarm went off, and she quickly got up to make her way to her next class, hopefully without a lot of questions being asked.

“Can I have your phone number? So we can keep in touch outside of school?” Alice asked hopefully as they prepared to part ways.

“...yeah, yeah why not,” Bella said, digging her phone out and creating a contact for Alice. She exchanged phones with Alice, who had done the same, and put her number in.

Ten minutes later she was sitting in her next class, bouncing her knee nervously as she waited to see if anyone would comment on her skipping the previous class somehow when her phone buzzed.

Alice Cullen [1:47 p.m.]: Hello new friend! Thank you very much for putting up with my eccentricities, I appreciate it greatly :)

Bella rolled her eyes in amusement as she put her phone away. The thoughts of the mystery texter had mostly fallen out of her mind at this point, her thoughts now occupied with the strangest new friend she’d ever made and her equally strange-sounding family.

That night Bella’s dreams were full of amber eyes and swishing blonde hair, and she woke up feeling warm and sweaty in the middle of a cold October. She didn’t remember her dreams, but she would find herself unable to rid her thoughts of amber eyes.

~~~~~~~

The rest of October found Bella forming a routine of sorts. On the weekdays she would go to school, suffer through the anxiety of the morning, and then alternate between sitting with Angela and her friends for lunch or sitting outside with Alice.

Slowly the constant stares in the hallway waned as she became more and more a part of everyone’s day-to-day lives, although Bella could never quite shrug off the feeling entirely. It would creep up her neck throughout the day, the unearthly, eerie feeling of being watched, but she could never quite tell who was watching her.

Alice was an absolutely fascinating person, Bella was discovering. She could talk a mile a minute and would routinely bounce through several different topics in the span of one conversation until you were dizzy.

She had yet to meet any more of her family properly, which Bella didn’t mind. Juggling two friends was already a lot more than she was expecting to do during her first month back at school, and adding more social connections onto that was a trial she didn’t quite want to put herself through.

One thing that was exceedingly strange though was that whenever Alice was with her family, she would barely acknowledge Bella. They would make brief eye contact occasionally and Alice would share with her a small, almost secret smile, but for all intents and purposes they might as well not know each other at all when Alice’s family was around. The rest of them didn’t even acknowledge Bella at all, who herself was far too anxious to try approaching Alice herself outside of when they’d arrange through text to sit together outside for lunch.

Bella asked her about it once in the first week of November, and the conversation quickly changed in tone.

“Don’t take it personally,” Alice first tried to deflect. “Who says I’m not just keeping you to myself, huh?”

“But why do you ignore me when they’re around?” Bella asked, frowning. “Not to get all weirdo on you or whatever, but like, us being friends isn’t a...problem, is it?”

She wondered if the Cullens had somehow found out that she was gay, and if that was why Alice was keeping her away from them. She was trying to keep away from obsessing over those sorts of thoughts until she got solid confirmation, but she couldn’t escape the anxiety it created.

Alice’s immediate response to her query didn’t help matters. She chewed at her lower lip a little, again exposing her prominent canine as she did so. The hesitancy caused the anxiety to flare up even harder in Bella’s chest, and she barely managed to keep her composure.

“It isn’t,” Alice said. She was obviously choosing her words very carefully, which somewhat undermined the reassuring effect they were intended to have. “My family is very...private. They don’t take kindly to people trying to get in our business. It’s just better for everyone if I keep you away for now.”

Bella frowned.

“Are you in a cult?” she asked bluntly.

Alice’s immediate bursting into hysterical laughter helped settle Bella’s nerves somewhat, but she was still feeling wired as Alice slowly came down from the hysterics and managed to force out a response through hiccupy laughter.

“No, although I can completely see why you’d think that,” she giggled. “My father, Carlisle, is very rich you see. He comes from an old European family that can trace its lineage back to some very powerful people. All of us have had it quite thoroughly impressed upon us that it is a very real possibility that someone might try to take advantage of us for the family’s money, perhaps a little too intensely if you ask me.”

Oh.

That made sense, Bella supposed. She still didn’t quite feel her anxiety go away entirely, but she wasn’t about to completely freak out anymore.

“I see,” Bella said. “So your siblings are worried that I would swindle you out of your inheritance or something?”

“Something like that,” Alice giggled. “Unfortunately for you while you’re very cute, I am quite taken.”

Bella made a wet, strangled sound in her throat as she tried to start a sentence about half a dozen times before just giving up and staring with dinner-plate eyes at Alice, who was already rolling on the ground cackling again.

“Wh-wha?” Bella eventually managed to sputter out. “Wha-what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Please,” Alice hiccuped. “You’re about as subtle as a flaming freight train. My sister has nice legs, doesn’t she?”

Bella squawked, for lack of a better descriptor, and immediately hid her face behind her hands. This sent Alice into a whole new round of belly-aching cackling and rolling around on the ground, her feet kicking in the air with mirth as Bella did her best tomato impression. When she eventually got over the feeling of ‘I-wish-the-universe-would-just-swallow-me-up-now’ enough to peek between her fingers, Alice was sitting up only a few inches away from her face, smiling broadly.

“You’re not mad?” Bella asked in a very small, timid voice.

“I’m not mad,” Alice confirmed. “You could say I lean towards a female persuasion myself sometimes, but I’m presently quite content with Jasper.”

Bella blinked.

“You’re actually dating? That’s not just a rumor?” she asked incredulously. Alice shrugged awkwardly.

“We’re not actually related,” she said. “I’m the newest member of the family and we were both already teenagers. If it makes it less weird neither of us considered each other siblings for a moment, there was...something there right away.”

“Huh,” Bella said.

“You know who I do consider my sibling though,” Alice said mischeivously. “Rosalie. Isn’t she pretty? I think you’d be cute together. You’re all dark and broody and she’s all fire and, you know, rawr angry and stuff.”

“Alice!” Bella yelped, smacking her upper arm and wincing. Despite her small stature Bella had discovered that Alice was deceptively fit, and playful punches and smacks hurt Bella more than they did Alice. Not that it stopped her from doing it.

“I’m just saying,” Alice said, flopping back onto the ground and laying spread eagle, staring up at the cloud-filled sky. “You’re obviously attracted to her and I’m giving you the sibling stamp of approval, so you should one-hundred percent go for it. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Considering that last week she told Tyler she’d string him up by his nuts and turn him into a pinata if he ever looked at her rear again, I’m scared to imagine,” Bella mumbled, hiding her face again and groaning.

Alice scoffed.

“That’s because he’s just a dumb horny boy who doesn’t actually respect her. You’re different, I can tell. I mean, you’d have to scale back how much you stare at her legs but - “

“Can we please move on from me and Rosalie’s legs,” Bella pleaded.

“Hah! I knew you thought about them,” Alice said, pointing at Bella from the ground.

“I’m gonna have to move again,” Bella said dramatically to herself. “I’m gonna have to change my name. Maybe get plastic surgery on my face. Definitely going to have to dye my hair.”

“You’re very dramatic,” Alice commented.

“Hush you,” Bella grumbled, poking Alice’s thigh with her foot. “Also, I am not dark and broody. I do not brood. I have panic attacks. There’s a difference.”

“Potato tomato,” Alice huffed.

“That’s not the saying.”

“Then I’m making up a new one and it goes potato tomato,” Alice said, sticking her tongue out.

“You’re impossible,” Bella groaned.

“No, I’m Alice!” came the response through a flurry of giggles.

“I’m going inside,” Bella announced, standing up and brushing herself off.

“Wait, wait wait wait!” Alice yelped, scrambling to her feet and running in front of Bella’s path. “I’m sorry for teasing. Really. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Bella sighed and reached out to poke Alice’s shoulder.

“I’m not...actually upset,” she grumbled after a moment. “Mostly just embarrassed. Feeling a bit stupid. And a bit paranoid that if you noticed that other people noticed and not everyone is gonna be as understanding as you are, and I was really hoping to keep that whole thing under wraps.”

“I don’t think anyone else knows,” Alice said gently. “Everyone stares at us. We’re an attractive family.”

“Humble, too,” Bella chuckled. Alice rolled her eyes good-naturedly and let the comment slide.

“I only noticed because it’s my sister you keep ogling. You don’t stare that way at any of the other girls in school, I think, so you’re safe.”

Bella hummed softly to herself. Alice was right. A girlfriend was the last thing she was expecting to find in Forks, so she hadn’t really come to school with those thoughts in mind. None of the other girls had really caught her interest, but whether it was because Bella simply wasn’t looking at them or because her brain had latched onto Rosalie Hale the second it laid eyes on her was up in the air.

“I’m not asking Rosalie out,” Bella said eventually. Alice pouted and stomped her foot lightly.

“Why not!? You like her don’t you?” Alice asked, almost petulantly.

“Alice I don’t know her,” Bella said with a wry chuckle. “I just think she’s...pretty. And I look at her in the cafeteria sometimes. But I don’t even think she knows I exist.”

“Oh she knows,” Alice muttered under her breath. Bella blinked and raised an eyebrow.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Bella asked.

“Nothing,” Alice sighed. “But I really do think you would be a cute couple. You should try and talk to her! She might surprise you.”

“No offense but Rosalie has, like, an honest-to-god kill count at this school consisting of the people that have tried to talk to her,” Bella said dryly. “I think I’m content with just admiring her from afar. Eventually I’ll get over the dumb little crush and it’ll be fine.”

Alice scowled, which was equal parts hilarious and mildly concerning. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot as she thought something over, muttering something to herself so quietly Bella couldn’t make it out.

The bell rang and Bella sighed, picking her backpack up from the ground and getting ready to head back in.

“Would you like to come over for dinner this weekend?” Alice blurted out before they went back inside.

Bella paused and turned to face her, confusion lining her face.

“Isn’t your family super not cool about ‘outsiders’?” Bella asked pointedly. “That sounds like a bad idea. I’d rather not spend an evening getting interrogated by some dude who thinks I’m trying to steal his kids inheritance.”

“It’ll be fine,” Alice insisted. “I’ll talk to them. They won’t say anything weird to you, I swear.”

Bella sighed and looked at her phone. She really didn’t want to miss another class, and had a limited amount of time to resolve this. And while it had only been a couple weeks, she already knew how difficult it was to say no to Alice.

“I’ll think about it,” she eventually said.

“Good enough for me,” Alice said firmly. “Now let’s get to class. Text me, okay? I’m gonna tell my parents about you tonight and at least start the process of getting them warmed up to you so that when you eventually say yes it’ll be fine.”

“Who says I’m going to say yes?” Bella asked in exasperation as they re-entered the school.

“Please. Nobody says no to me,” Alice drawled before turning around and walking backwards away from Bella towards her own class. “You should know that by now, Bella!”

As Bella walked to her own class she rolled Alice’s offer over in her head, but all she could think of was the same question over and over again until she arrived home.

What on earth have I gotten myself into?

 

Notes:

Oh, Alice. She tries so hard, doesn't she?

My goal this chapter was to try and squish Bella and Alice together in a way that feels natural. As much as I adore Bella/Rosalie, Bella/Alice in its varying forms with or without Jasper is actually my favorite, so whenever I write the two together I have to be very careful to capture the correct vibe I'm going for. I think I succeeded. Alice is trying to make a genuine connection without revealing The Secret, while we the fandom with our meta-knowledge can also quite obviously tell she's more than likely trying to juggle a vision she's trying to push for, the eccentricities and obstacles that come from varying members of her family, as well as doing her best to also respect Bella's autonomy and ability to make her own decisions.

Bella in the meanwhile is simply trying to survive this new environment, and while I don't think Alice consciously intended for it to be this way, Bella's obvious prior traumas and her current frazzled mental state makes her far more susceptible to people treating her kindly. Of course, there's always a chance that when the other shoe drops this will all come to royally bite Alice and her family in the rear end as Bella completely re-evaluates every interaction she ever had with a Cullen but what's the likelihood of -that- happening in a femslash Twilight fanfic, a niche subfandom very much known for its enjoyment of fluffy slice of life pieces and absolute abhorrence for heart-wrenching drama and stomping on emotions with spiked boots.

;)

Chapter 4: Sun Killer, Sing Me To Sleep

Summary:

While Bella struggles with a new school, a new friend, and trying to find her place in the world, far more than she understands is happening behind the scenes...

Alice Cullen has been seeing Bella in visions for five years, and after going home from school after inviting Bella to come to dinner next weekend, has yet another vision that confirms something she already knew to be true. She finds herself in an impossible position and doesn't know what to do, fearing her family may be on the path to fracturing. And if that wasn't bad enough, something sinister lurks in the visions around Bella...something that has already come to the surface once, shaking Alice to her core.

“Okay. Okay. That’s fine. This is fine. Just...let me get my bearings a little bit, yeah?”

“Of course, Bella. Take all the time you need.”

~

“Can you tell me what it’s like?”

“Hm? What is what like?”

“C’mon. You know…”

“Ah. Well…”

~

“But you said you saw me? Like that?”

“I did. I still do. It’s a bit vague, there’s quite a few decisions between then and now, but it’s still there.”

“And am I still…?”

“Still what?”

“...nevermind.”

~

“There has to be another option.”

“Not one that doesn’t put you in danger!”

“If I do this now I’m already in danger. Alice said it...it freezes you in time. I can’t be frozen like this!”

“What do you mean?”

“I...don’t want to talk about it. Just please drop it. We’ll figure something else out, Alice has to be able to figure something else out. I believe in her.”

~

“Jasper? Jasper!?”

~~~~~

Alice Cullen jerked out of the series of visions like she had just been shot in the head, her neck nearly cracking from the force with which she felt herself flung backwards. Groaning, she clutched her head and pressed her fingertips into her scalp, trying to depressurize her brain.

“Alice? Are you alright? What’s happening?” Edward’s voice from across the room was laced with concern as Alice felt another set of hands on her shoulders. Jasper knelt in front of her, squeezing her shoulders softly.

Slowly getting her bearings again, Alice remembered where she had been. She was discussing Bella coming over for dinner with her family, and all of them had been quite pleased with the idea. Except for one of them.

Alice herself had been quite chuffed that things were working out. After the day of Bella’s arrival and Edward’s...declaration, she had managed to convince her family to let her be the one to make first contact with Bella due to her visions. It would give her plenty of opportunity to try and change the flow of events before they got untenable. Before people got hurt.

But now, a series of rapid-fire visions later, she felt a pit in her stomach.

“I’m fine,” Alice muttered, pulling herself slowly to her feet with Jasper’s assistance. “Stop fussing.”

“Was it another vision of her? What did you see?” Edward asked, unable to conceal the eagerness from his voice. Alice sent a quick glance at her sister, who was sitting in an armchair with a book; seemingly determined to ignore the entire proceedings in front of her.

Jasper felt her flash of frustration and irritation and followed her eyes, shooting her a mildly puzzled look of his own. She ignored it, knowing he would simply ask later in private, and turned to Edward.

“It was. I couldn’t make out much. Her future is so...cloudy and muddy, it’s impossible to pick apart sometimes,” Alice grumbled, rubbing her temples.

Edward nodded, frowning.

“I wish I could see the visions,” he muttered to himself. “The fact that a human could present a gift strong enough to keep me out of your visions by proxy is...frustrating.”

Alice managed to keep the second flash of irritation away from coherent thoughts, but she couldn’t keep Jasper from picking up on it again. He placed a hand on the small of her back, a tiny gesture loaded with questions and concern.

She was grateful though and sent a quick thank you to whichever deity that was listening who gave her this small solace in being able to keep the true knowledge of the visions to herself. Although, she could remember being significantly less than thrilled the first time it happened…

~~~~~

Five years ago

~~~~~

“Alice? Alice. Alice!”

Where was she?

Oh. Yes. Of course. The house in Alaska.

Her surroundings slowly bled back into place around her as she realized she was currently sitting sideways in Jasper’s lap, one arm around her and one arm carefully cradling her head. She blinked a few times before nuzzling into him a little, sighing softly as she came back to herself.

“You haven’t had a vision like that in a long time,” Jasper said quietly.

Alice took a few moments to herself before pulling away from him, standing up and getting her bearings. Her entire family was gathered in the room, all looking at her with various concerned expressions. Edward was frowning, a look of utter puzzlement across his face.

Rosalie and Emmett were sitting on the same couch as Jasper, with a little distance between them to give Alice some space. Emmett stood up with Alice, reaching out and carefully ruffling her hair.

“You okay squirt?” he asked hesitantly.

“I think so!” Alice chirped, already starting to feel the grogginess of the vision draining from her. She smiled at him and the whole room seemed to sigh in relief as one, and the rest of her family took that as the signal to all stand up and approach her.

Esme wrapped her in a tight hug, mumbling to herself.

“Even though I’ve seen it before and I know it doesn’t really hurt you, it never gets easier seeing you like that.”

“I’m alright. Thank you for caring,” Alice whispered, affectionately bumping Esme’s shoulder with her head.

“What did you see?” Carlisle asked curiously. “Edward was unable to read you the entire time, a somewhat worrying development.”

“So that’s why he looks like that,” Alice chuckled, looking over at her brother, who still looked like he had just bit into a rotten carcass without knowing it. Confused, upset, and slightly angry.

“It was...distressing,” Edward said quietly, his voice strained and tight. “What did you see?”

“...I’m not quite sure?” Alice hedged, trying to fish around in her memory for the details of the vision. Intense, full-experience visions like what she’d just experienced were rare and she was used to the details being a little fuzzy at first while her brain sorted everything out behind the scenes, but this one was being particularly stubborn. “Are you sure you can’t read me?”

Edward faced her fully and squinted a little as he directed his efforts more purposely towards her. Alice closed her eyes and scrunched up her face in concentration as she tried to tug the memory of the vision into view.

She could identify the memory in her mind, which was usually enough for Edward to pick up on it if she purposely “shoved” it in front of him, even if she was having a bit of trouble recalling things herself, but he wasn’t saying anything.

“Edward?” she asked hesitantly after a few moments had passed with her holding the fuzzy memory as best as she could in her mind’s eye.

“Nothing!” he exclaimed, frustration lacing his voice. A loud crack indicated he had just punched something, and Alice winced slightly. “Carlisle, what is happening?”

“I’ve no idea,” their father murmured with fascination. Alice opened her eyes and turned to him, asking with her eyes the same question. “In the past the only way Alice’s visions have been blocked is by the person she’s trying to see constantly changing their mind, or operating with no particular choice in mind.”

“Yes but even then I was able to pick up something,” Edward pointed out. “It would be dull and lifeless, a black void of empty choices, but I could still see it.”

“Wait,” Alice said, turning to him. “That’s not what you’re already getting?”

“No!” Edward exclaimed in distress. “Attempting to read your memory of that vision is giving me the same results as attempting to read a brick wall.”

Rosalie snorted in amusement, and Esme gave her a light smack on the upper arm. The rest of the family paid her no mind; her opinions on Edwards gift were well-known and they would have been more concerned if she hadn’t reacted at all.

Edward simply shot her a dirty look before turning back to Alice and Carlisle.

“What details can you remember, Alice? Anything at all?” Carlisle asked quietly.

“A girl,” Alice said haltingly, not used to having to untangle a vision herself without Edward’s help. Her visions gave her a lot of internal, intrinsic knowledge that she could act on, but the ability to communicate it to others was always difficult for her. She relied on Edward acting as an impartial third party to her visions, able to read and extrapolate them without being so ‘present’ and invested in them. “A new girl. She was with us.”

“What was her relation to us?” Carlisle asked. “Friend or foe? Temporary cohabitation, a visitor from another coven?”

“Friend. Definitely friend,” Alice said definitively. She had a powerful feeling in her chest about this girl, and knew her future self was quite attached to her. She did a quick internal scan of her own feelings and tried to compare them to her future self and gave a quick sigh of relief when she was able to identify her future feelings as platonic in nature. She did not need those complications right now.

“Good. That’s good,” Carlisle murmured.

“The details are harder for me to access than usual. Even considering the difficulty I’m going to have without Edward’s help,” Alice complained, lightly poking her own forehead in an attempt to jostle her own memory. “This is vexing.”

“Interesting. Edward is unable to perceive the vision, and you are struggling more than usual to identify it. Was there anything preceding the vision that stands out to you?” Carlisle asked.

Alice pondered for a moment.

“My head hurt more than usual,” she said with a shrug. “I just thought it was going to be a big one. Which it was. I think.”

Carlisle nodded and thought for a while, his lips turned downwards into a frown as he sank deep into his own mind. Edward matched his fathers expression as he mirrored his thoughts, and Alice knew he was trying to keep up with Carlisle’s thought process as he furthered his own.

“An interesting theory,” Edward murmured as a new, more curious expression dawned over his face.

“We won’t know for sure until we inevitably encounter her,” Carlisle said pointedly. “But it’s the most likely explanation.”

“Powerful though, if even its vague meta-presence in the future blocks me out,” Edward said thoughtfully. “We’ll have to tread carefully. I trust Alice’s assessment that this stranger is a friend to us in the future, but we’ve no idea what comes in between.”

“Indeed,” Carlisle said with a nod.

“Care to let the rest of us non-psychic plebeians in?” Rosalie drawled, clearly annoyed with the two men. Carlisle at least had the decency to look somewhat embarrassed and chastised, but Edward just scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“She’s a shield, whoever she is,” Edward said shortly. “A powerful one.”

The reactions throughout the room were mixed. Jasper frowned and stroked his chin in thought, looking disturbed by the information. Rosalie muttered something about how it was ‘about time’ that Edward met someone whose privacy he couldn’t invade, and Esme was still fussing a little over Alice. Emmett just looked a little lost, scratching the back of his head.

“A shield?” he asked. “So like...she has anti-Edward powers?”

Rosalie let out a bark of laughter at that.

“Most likely anti-psychic in general,” Edward said, curling his lip in irritation. “She doesn’t seem to entirely block Alice out, so perhaps her power has weaknesses and is more resistant to some gifts than others.”

Alice was deep in the memory now, sifting through the fuzzy blackness to try and find actionable ideas that she could put into words. Despite her family’s instant wariness, Alice knew in her gut they had nothing to fear from this girl.

“I think she’s more than a friend,” she stated hesitantly after a few more minutes of thinking, interrupting whatever discussion her family had fallen into while she thought. “I think...I think she’s a new family member.”

“Fascinating,” Carlisle said, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. “Is there an indication of how this happens? Someone new to our diet wanting support, or…?”

Alice shook her head.

“It’s muddled,” she said slowly. “All I’m really able to clearly identify are the feelings my future self had for her. They’re similar to my feelings towards Rose, which makes me think family.”

Jasper nodded. He had been standing by her as she sifted through herself, and felt the echoes of her future self’s feelings, albeit to a weaker degree than Alice herself had.

“I’d agree with that,” he said quietly, running a hand through her hair.

The conversation drifted after that. Alice was quiet for the rest of the day as she tried to sift through the vision further, trying different methods to grant Edward access multiple times throughout the day. Each ended in the same frustrations, but neither of them were ready to quit just yet. Eventually they resigned themselves to waiting for another vision about this mystery girl, hoping that it would either be clearer on Alice’s end or allow Edward in somehow.

~~~~~

Six months later

~~~~~

Alice burst into the house, having just returned from hunting.

“I’ve had another one!” she crowed triumphantly.

Quickly, her family was gathered around her, and she sought out Edward. She had a much more solid grasp on this vision than the previous one and tried once again to push it out to him, trying to peel back whatever layers of interference were laced through it.

At first she was hopeful as Edward’s deeply focused expression didn’t change for a few moments, but her heart sank as he once again confirmed he couldn’t read it with a light growl and a shake of his head.

“Drat,” Alice grumbled. “I can see this one better so I was really hoping that meant I could show you.”

“What did you see?” Jasper asked, a small smile on his face. He could clearly feel Alice’s excitement practically radiating off of her.

“She’s definitely our sister in the future,” Alice said with certainty. “This vision was still much hazier than my usual visions and was physically intense enough to completely knock me away from my dinner, but I got a bit more concrete stuff out of it. A few exchanges of words, and much stronger indications of feelings. I definitely called her my sister and she responded positively in kind.”

Carlisle nearly grinned, bringing his hands together with a pleased clap.

“I am always happy to see our family expand,” he said warmly.

“Is there still no indication of how she becomes our sister?” Edward asked.

“Does she like Mario Kart?” Emmett asked.

Edward raised his eyebrow at him. Emmett just shrugged.

“What? Alice is the only one who plays video games with me on a regular basis and she sucks.”

“I do not!” Alice yelped indignantly.

“Do too!”

“Do not!”

“Children,” Esme chided lightly.

Alice huffed and stuck her tongue out at Emmett before answering Edward.

“I didn’t get anything, no,” she said with a sigh. “But I do know I felt very comfortable with her, and I’m not sure I’d feel the same about someone from another coven wanting to try our diet. So I think she joins our family the...natural way.”

Rosalie scowled at that and crossed her arms.

“Now now Rosalie,” Carlisle said quietly. “We don’t know for sure just yet. Even if we are the ones to turn her, we don’t know the circumstances that led to it just yet. Perhaps there was no other option, as with Emmett.”

Emmett gave Rosalie a goofy grin and waved. It was enough to get her to melt a little, nodding in acknowledgment of Carlisle’s words and uncrossing her arms.

“I’ll reserve judgment for now,” she said.

“As will I,” Edward said, frowning in concern. “I’m never pleased with the idea of damning another soul, but seeing as we know nothing concrete yet I’ll stay my tongue.”

Rosalie opened her mouth as if to start an argument, but a look from Esme had her snapping her jaw shut.

“There are only so many reasons we would go out of our way to bring a human into our family,” Carlisle continued, looking between the two of them with a serious expression on his face. “We will treat this future prospective member, and the decision of her potential inclusion, with the respect she deserves.”

Nodding heads went around the room. Edward’s was slow and hesitant, and Rosalie simply scoffed lightly.

“Is there anything else about the vision you wish to share, Alice?” Carlisle asked.

“Nothing I can piece together myself for now,” Alice said with a petulant sigh.

“Keep us informed,” Carlisle said. Alice nodded, and the family dispersed.

Jasper came up from behind Alice and hugged her, resting his chin on top of her head. Alice grumbled and leaned back into him.

“I haven’t felt this much irritation from you in a while,” he chuckled idly. “This girl is really botherin’ you, ain’t she?”

“She isn’t frustrating me. On purpose, anyway,” Alice mumbled. “My visions are. Normally they’re a lot clearer than this, or at least I have Edward to look in from the outside and pick up things I miss or that I’m not able to properly put into words.”

“How about we go and get you a proper meal to take the edge off then?” Jasper offered. “Since your prior attempt was so rudely interrupted.”

“Okay,” Alice said, perking up a little and leaving the house to hunt with him. The distraction was welcome, and helped push the thoughts and frustrations about her visions away for a while. But only for a while.

Once again Alice and Edward obsessed for a few weeks over attempts to let him into the vision, and once again their efforts were ultimately futile. But throughout all their attempts, it at least produced one small bit of fruit; unlike the first vision, the continued focus on it over time actually cleared up a few new aspects to Alice. During the second week of attempts, Alice was able to tease one more verbal exchange from the vision that gave her the girls name.

“I know her name,” she said excitedly to Carlisle later that evening.

“Oh? Another vision?” he asked curiously.

“No. I managed to get another detail out of the prior one,” Alice said, giddy with excitement. “Carlisle, her name is Bella. Isn’t that lovely!?”

“Indeed,” Carlisle chuckled.

~~~~~

Two years later

~~~~~

Alice wasn’t in her own body at the moment; the hallmark of a vision that didn’t involve her, but rather involved another person or persons that she knew of. A change of perspective that always took a moment of adjusting.

She couldn’t see much. She felt the vague ping of excitement coming from her conscious self as she realized what this meant, alongside the throbbing headache she was currently receiving; this must be another vision about Bella.

Fuzzy words were sifting through the air like grains of sand, drifting through Alice’s perception. She couldn’t tell where the vision took place, but she knew it was wet. Very, very wet. It was raining.

The inky black silhouettes of the visions occupants bled into the background and the locale changed. Still shrouded in a void of knowledge, the blackness eventually shifted into the vague shapes of two women. Instinctually, Alice knew one of them must be Bella.

The shapes of the two woman swam and melded together, forming an incomprehensible mess of splattered ink, as the words they spoke to each other dribbled through the aether with glints of significance. Alice could only perceive a few of them.

Bella.

Something about ‘a long time’.

A laugh, soft and gentle.

Then it became completely incomprehensible again. Alice felt the vision slipping slowly away from her, but right as she was about to break back into reality, a single sentence rang out through the ocean of swirling shadows like a bright, radiant church bell heralding the dawn;

“Bella Cullen does have a lovely ring to it, I will say,” came the chuckling voice of someone dearly familiar to Alice.

She barely had time to process it before being flung out of the vision for good.

~

“Rosalie!” Alice blurted out as soon as she woke, scrambling to her feet and groaning as she clutched her head. Her vision swam slightly in front of her as she tried to get her bearings, and she stumbled slightly from the disorientation.

Within a few moments she heard the door to her room open. Even with her vision impaired she could tell it was Emmett, and she shook her head hard to try and clear her vision.

“Emmett do you know where Rose is?” Alice asked, rubbing her eyes fiercely. “I need to talk to her. It’s urgent.”

“She’s hunting,” Emmett said. “How urgent is urgent? Like, life-and-death urgent or like, one of the cars she really wants is going to be available for purchase for a really good price in the next thirty minutes and if she wants it she has to haul ass urgent?”

Alice blinked a few times.

“The second one,” she said after a moment. Emmett’s eyes widened.

“Shit. We have to find her. She’ll kill us if we don’t tell her,” he groaned. “I’ll help. We’ll go into the hunting grounds then split up?”

“Yeah. Sure,” Alice said with a hurried nod. She and Emmett quickly left the house, earning an amused chuckle from Esme as they scrambled in the direction of their usual hunting grounds.

“Which car is it this time?” Esme called out to Alice as they ran.

“No time! Sorry!” Alice yelled behind her before breaking out into a full run, her small form streaking through the Alaskan wilderness with Emmett right behind her. They followed Rosalie’s distinctive scent trail before reaching the area of the woods she had clearly chosen to hunt in.

“You go left I go right?” Emmett asked.

“Sure,” Alice nodded.

They split up and started calling out Rosalie’s name. It only took a few moments to find her, with Emmett quickly directing her towards Alice as soon as he found her.

“Which one, how soon, and how expensive?” were the first words out of Rosalie’s mouth as Alice skidded to a halt in front of her. Alice took a quick look around the area for Emmett, who had thankfully left the area as soon as he did his brotherly duty.

“What?” Alice asked.

“The car, Alice,” Rosalie said with a wry smile. “Emmett said you had a vision and came out of it shouting for me. That usually means something to do with cars, because for some reason you refuse to believe I have any other hobbies worth looking into the future for deals on.”

“Oh. Right. No, it’s not a car,” Alice said, furrowing her brow.

“Then what is it?” Rosalie asked, frowning.

“...walk with me?” Alice said awkwardly, not really knowing what to do now that Rosalie was actually in front of her. Rosalie raised a single eyebrow but didn’t say anything as the two of them walked through the woods side by side in silence.

Alice loved her sister. Rosalie was her only sister. And Alice loved her very much.

Rosalie was the only member of the family Alice could really talk about fashion with. They shared a mutual appreciation for various cultures of it, the history and the volatile, fluid nature of it. They would shop together until the stores kicked them out, showing each other different articles of clothing and finding pieces each thought would suit the other.

They shared a love of classic literature, even if their particular tastes were wildly different.

Alice and Emmett were the only ones who took a real interest in Rosalie’s fascination with cars and auto technology, and would allow her to excitedly tell them about the newest car she was buying or looking at, or what she was doing in the garage that week.

Alice loved her sister.

Alice also found Rosalie incredibly infuriating and difficult to talk to on a good day.

It wasn’t something she held against her. It wasn’t that Rosalie was a bad person. But Rosalie was easily irritated by Alice and her more eccentric tendencies, especially when they had to do with her visions. Rosalie’s protectiveness over her privacy was intense, and while her true anger and resentment over having it violated was usually reserved for Edward, Alice had been on the receiving end of it enough times to develop a bit of a...strained relationship with her sister.

Rosalie was also the antithesis of Alice’s personality. Where Alice was bubbly and silly and energetic, Rosalie was stoic and serious and relaxed. Alice enjoyed long conversations that branched off in a thousand directions, and Rosalie enjoyed a mutual activity done in relative silence with maybe some casual conversation.

Alice wanted to know everything about the future. Rosalie begrudgingly put up with the concept because it was helpful, and in rare cases life-saving, for the family.

When they would spend time together doing the activities they enjoyed with each other, Alice would have to constantly police her mind and tongue to avoid speaking too much about her visions. It had taken decades to properly assess what degree of “psychic talk” Rosalie was willing to deal with.

If it was about harmless things that didn’t involve people directly, it was usually okay. Like telling Rosalie that in a week a vintage car she had been looking for would go on the market, or that the dress shop they both liked was having a big blowout sale in a month.

But even that was hard to do sometimes. Alice had once made the mistake of telling Rosalie that an author she was a particular fan of would be announcing a book next month, expecting Rosalie to be excited but was instead told she had ‘spoiled the surprise’.

“It wasn’t a vision about a car,” Alice started haltingly, feeling out the conversation. She could always talk to Rosalie about it another time if she was in another one of her moods.

“Okay,” Rosalie said patiently. “I guessed that part. Is this when you tell me what it was about?”

“I’m getting there,” Alice mumbled. “It was about...you. And your future. I, um. I think.”

“You think,” Rosalie said, her voice dry.

“...yes?” Alice said, cringing internally.

Rosalie sighed softly and shook her head a little.

“Alright Alice. What did you see?” she asked, her voice almost doing a perfect job of concealing the hollow and resigned notes buried within it.

“Well that’s the tricky part,” Alice said, biting her tongue a little and resisting the urge to babble. “Because it wasn’t just a vision about you and that meant I didn’t see a whole lot of anything.”

Rosalie was quiet for a moment.

“I’m not sure I want to hear the rest,” she commented, rolling her shoulders and looking up into the treeline. They were still walking side by side, with Rosalie’s hands clasped behind her back. “You know how I feel about that entire concept.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” Alice mumbled.

“I’m not slow, Alice,” Rosalie said wryly. “You can try and word-lawyer your way through the conversation all you like, but you’re going to get around to saying it eventually so you might as well just be blunt with it. You had a vision with me and that vision-blocking ‘future family member’ of ours didn’t you?”

Alice nodded mutely.

“With you and Bella, yes,” she said quietly.

“Right. Bella,” Rosalie said, the name rolling off her tongue like a bad piece of candy. She wrinkled her nose and sighed. “I was hoping since you hadn’t had a new vision in a year and a half that we wouldn’t have to crack that particular walnut, but it seems the universe has decided to let me down. Again.”

“Don’t be such a negative Nancy,” Alice grumbled, lightly bumping Rosalie with her shoulder. “I haven’t even told you what happened yet.”

“Nothing happened yet, Alice,” Rosalie said, bemused. “You saw a vague approximation of what could happen.”

“Same thing until the visions change,” Alice said stubbornly. “Unless a critical decision causes a pivot, my visions always happen Rosalie.”

“I don’t want to have another argument about free will with you,” Rosalie sighed. “What did you see?”

“You. Her. You were...close,” Alice said slowly, carefully.

“Close.”

“Mhm. Well, as best as I could tell anyway,” Alice hedged, scrunching her face up as she tried to pull the details out. “It was mostly silhouettes. In all honesty I only knew it was Bella because of the feeling the vision had. And the pounding headache. That was also a rather large indicator.”

“Of course,” Rosalie snorted in amusement. “Can’t have Bella without a headache it seems.”

“That was rude,” Alice commented before moving forward. “I saw two figures being physically close. Not intimate, but comfortable. Cuddling, I think. That would be my guess. I took a guess that one was Bella based on the feel of the vision, but I didn’t know the other one was you until the very end.”

“What made you think it was me?” Rosalie asked curiously.

“I heard the other one speak,” Alice said after a beat. “It said ‘Bella Cullen does have a nice ring to it’. In your voice. You sounded very...smitten.”

“Hm,” Rosalie hummed.

The two continued walking in silence for several minutes before Rosalie spoke again.

“But you didn’t see me?” she asked.

Alice frowned. She knew where this was headed.

“I know what your voice sounds like Rose,” she said firmly.

“But you didn’t see my face. Or any other identifying futures, just a silhouette?” Rosalie pressed.

“Ugh, I knew you were going to do this! You’re so difficult! No, I didn’t see you,” Alice grumbled, stamping her foot lightly. “But do you really think I don’t know what my own sisters voice sounds like?”

“Maybe it was just someone who sounded like me,” Rosalie said with a light shrug. “And it was only one sentence. Perhaps you were mistaken. Or, since you believe she’s going to become part of our family, you’re biased. Maybe the other figure is a second new family member that has a similar voice to myself.”

“This is a new level of pedantry Rosalie,” Alice said, exasperation full in her voice. “I heard you.”

“I believe that you believe that you heard me,” Rosalie said pointedly, looking at Alice with narrowed eyes. “But if that’s all you have to go on, I’m not going to overly fuss about it. So unless you have something else to say, I’d like to go back to hunting now.”

As Rosalie turned to walk away, Alice grumbled and stamped her foot again, calling out to her retreating back.

“She could be your mate Rosalie! Don’t you want to meet her!?”

Rosalie paused and stood still for a moment before looking partially over her shoulder back at Alice.

“C’mon, Alice. You know I don’t believe in that,” Rosalie said, her voice carefully neutral. “I’m happy for you and Jasper, and for Carlisle and Esme. Believe me. And when Emmett and Edward meet their partners down the line and decide they’re mated, I’ll be happy for them too. But all that stuff Carlisle spouts about a ‘sacred bond’, all that red string of fate stuff? I don’t buy it. You know I don’t buy it.”

“But…” Alice said. Rosalie interrupted her.

“Our emotions are heightened from when we were humans,” Rosalie pressed on. “Carlisle himself admits that the combination of being ‘frozen’ as a certain version of ourselves and the general heightening of sensitivities to a large factor above humans creates volatile and strong emotions.”

“That’s not - “

“You’re just in love, Alice. So is Carlisle. That’s great. Love is a beautiful thing,” Rosalie said, a wan smile on her face. “But it’s not something that fate, or destiny, or some preordained vampire crap had any hand in. It’s just love.”

Alice sputtered slightly. She’d had this debate with Rosalie before. Her and Jasper, Carlisle and Esme, both mated pairs of their coven had spoken about their experiences with the bond at length. But Rosalie refused to accept it, insisted that what they were experiencing was just love intensified by the same thing that enhanced their senses.

“Even if that’s true,” Alice eventually said, pushing aside her desire to argue the point, “my vision clearly had a great deal of that love in it. Why push that away?”

Rosalie didn’t reply at first, just put a hand on a tree and leaned gently against it. When she did reply, it was so quiet that Alice nearly didn’t hear her. She didn’t even have time to reply, as Rosalie had vanished in a near-instant right after speaking.

“ Because I know myself, Alice. That wasn’t me you heard. It couldn’t have been.”

“Because I would never have that.”

~~~~~

Three months later

~~~~~

Alice had stopped talking about the visions.

She attempted to corner Rosalie twice more about them, but both times she was dodged and avoided. She tried to force a vision to see if there was a conversation path that would lead to Rosalie listening to her, but no matter what she tried it all ended in Rosalie blowing her off at best; and a confrontation that would splinter the entire family at worst.

That particular vision had caused a full-body shudder and a feeling of dread so deep Jasper wouldn’t leave her side for the next two hours, constantly sending her gently cheering feelings. Alice tried to cheat the rules that had seemingly been set out for her by trying to force more visions of Rosalie with Bella, but it felt like running mentally into a brick wall each time she tried it.

This led Alice to three possible conclusions.

Conclusion One; Alice simply was unable to, herself, come up with the correct arrangement of things to say in order to get Rosalie to listen to her. There could be a theoretical pathway to achieve this, but Alice’s visions relied entirely on showing her the outcomes of intentions and decisions; it couldn’t tell her what decision to make, only what would happen if she made a specific decision she already had in mind and would be capable of. If she simply did not know what to do, her visions would be of no help.

Conclusion Two; There was nothing Alice could say to sway Rosalie into listening to her, and she would simply have to wait and see where the chips fell and reassess then. If Rosalie was going to be as smitten with Bella as Alice had heard in her vision, surely her current mindset and opinions would change upon Bella actually entering the picture, whenever that would be. This wasn’t particularly appealing to Alice, who preferred being able to do things.

But she would much rather have that be the case than her third conclusion, which was that Rosalie was right and Alice didn’t, in fact, hear her voice and instead heard someone else. This was a far more existentially terrifying outcome for Alice, who felt it deep within her that it was definitely Rosalie’s voice that she heard and if she was wrong, it would shake the very foundation of Alice’s being.

While her visions could change based on the decisions people made in the moment, they were always reliable at predicting the outcome of a specific decision. A vision wouldn’t show her two different outcomes from a single set of circumstances and decisions. To have that knowledge be uprooted, to have the certainty and faith Alice had put into her visions for her entire life taken away from her?

There wasn’t much that truly scared Alice Cullen, but the concept of her visions being fallible in that manner certainly scared her.

The worst part is that she had absolutely no idea what to do. She certainly couldn’t talk to any of her family about it, because Rosalie would probably take her head off for putting the idea in their heads and shoving her into the spotlight. She debated going solely to Carlisle over it, because she could certainly trust him to keep a secret, but she also couldn’t guarantee that Carlisle wouldn’t get his own ideas and alienate Rosalie on his own.

Forcing visions wasn’t much help. There was too much uncertainty about what exactly Carlisle would do if put in that position, whether he would keep her secret or take matters into his own hands. The vague visions Alice was able to glean that pertained to what would happen if he did keep her secret didn’t seem to actually help much besides give her someone else to be conflicted with, and she wasn’t quite sure that was worth betraying Rosalie’s trust.

Rosalie may not have explicitly asked her to not talk about it, but Alice knew her sister enough to know that it was implied. There was a reason she had sought her out for a private conversation rather than announce the vision in front of the whole family.

So for now she waited. She kept trying to force visions about Rosalie and Bella, tried to get something a bit more concrete she could bring to Rosalie, but everything she tried just resulted in a pounding headache and nothing to show for it.

Months after her conversation with Rosalie, Alice was resigned.

All she could do was wait; either for another vision, or for Bella herself.

~~~~~

In the time between Alice’s vision of Bella and Rosalie, and Bella’s arrival in Forks, she had four more visions about her. They grew clearer and clearer each time, but still remained irritatingly vague. And to add even more frustration, she didn’t even get any new visions about Bella and Rosalie.

The first vision had been brief, and shockingly small. Alice had been braiding Bella’s hair, the strands flowing like little rivers of ink through Alice’s fingers. She was able to perceive her own presence in the vision a bit better than before, but Bella’s figure was still a flowing black silhouette.

The second vision had been extremely murky and was the hardest to decipher yet, but Alice actually had a reasonable idea why for once. Based on what little she was able to glean, it took place far in the future. All she was able to gather from the vision had been some vague emotions her future self had been feeling, but noticeably lacking from them was the giddy excitement that Alice’s future self had carried towards Bella. It had been replaced with a much more subtle, but exponentially more powerful, feeling of comfort and familiarity; a strong indicator that Bella would be part of their family for many years to come.

The third vision was longer, the biggest one that Alice was able to actually interpret. It had been herself, Bella, and Carlisle on a hunt. Alice’s nerves had been electric in the vision, and when she was going back over it she realized it must have been one of Bella’s first hunts as a newborn. It was still shrouded in shadow, particularly around Bella herself, but Alice could see the tell-tale signs of newborn ferality in the way the shadows moved.

The fourth and fifth visions were harder for Alice to piece together. Not because they were murky and vague like before, but because they were...confusing.

The fourth vision was violent. Spiking adrenaline, pain and fear searing through Alice’s body. Violence was an inevitable part of life for vampires, and Alice shuddered with dread at the thought of her family suffering from it again. Bella was there, though, and it was so strange. The way the shadows curled around her form, obscuring Alice’s vision, seemed to be growing more...sentient as the visions progressed. Alice got the distinct feeling in this fourth vision that the shadows were almost...laughing at her.

She didn’t pay it much mind until the fifth vision came.

~~~~~

The day of Bella Swan’s arrival in Forks, Washington

~~~~~

It was dark, which Alice had begun to simply accept as normal when it came to visions featuring her future sister. By the time the fourth vision came a few months ago, Alice had spent enough time with her future self’s emotions towards Bella that they were fully bleeding into her present. To Alice, Bella was already family; already a sister, a loved one. She was growing impatient to meet her in real time, to experience her presence and her aura in a greater manner than a hazy vision.

At first the darkness and curling shadows of the vision had given Alice a brief flicker of joy and excitement. Visions of Bella were sparing, and she always looked forward to the next one. Always with a bit of hope that she would gain a bit more information about the exact nature of her joining with the family, but mostly with a feeling of strange nostalgia; not unlike greeting an old friend one hasn’t seen in years.

Her future self was speaking to Bella. Alice couldn’t quite make out the words, but the conversation was strained and tense. There was a strange hesitancy to her future self's actions, she kept herself physically separated from Bella’s shadowy form and only offered occasional, small touches. Actions that didn’t quite fit with how Alice acted normally; quite willing to full-body tackle her various family members with affection.

It was almost as if she was afraid she would break Bella with a touch.

She would realize a few days after the vision that she was afraid of that because it very much was a possibility. The vision took place when Bella was still human.

Partway through the conversation, the shadows swirling around Bella began to ripple. Bella’s figure didn’t react. Neither did Alice’s future self. Whatever she was seeing was in her vision, and in her vision alone.

The shadows ripple and start to melt like hot wax, until the scenery around the vision is crystal-clear. It is the back woods of the house in Forks, a place Alice recognizes. It’s a clearing, with moonlight streaming through the canopy of the trees.

At first Alice feels a muted joy in the recognition; the little self-awareness she retained in her visions brimming with excitement. They had just returned to Forks last year, which meant they would be seeing Bella soon. She couldn’t wait to tell Carlisle.

But those thoughts were quickly chased away by the realization of what the shadows had melted into, as her focus drifted away from what they had melted off of.

Thick like molasses, they were now draped and slowly oozing around Bella’s figure. She was sat down in the clearing with one knee up, an elbow propped on it as she stared at Alice’s future self. The shadowy muck obscured her face.

It didn’t even have a reflection.

No moonlight shone off it, it simply sucked it all in like the event horizon of a black hole.

It was this part of the vision that Alice would dread; the part that kept her from revisiting it.

The shadows looked at her.

In a moment, Alice felt the ‘self’ of her in the vision separate from the ‘self’ of her future. It was like she was a ghost; overlaid on top of her future self, who kept talking with Bella. The conversation clearly wasn’t going well if her body language was any indication, but vision-Alice could barely pay attention as she found her eyes unable to move from the shadows.

They were looking at her.

Looking. At her.

She didn’t know what to think, what to do. Could she even do anything? This was a vision, she wasn’t actually here, she was in her room in the house. Wasn’t she?

The shadows kept looking at her.

She couldn’t move. She was locked into her future self's motions, and her future self was standing still as she spoke with Bella. Alice felt a surge of fear pulse through her , not her future, and she found herself wishing powerfully for her future self to turn around and walk away from whatever the thing in front of her was.

The shadows kept looking at her.

And then Bella stood up.

Her figure was obscured, not by shadow, but by a blurry haze of reality. She walked up to Alice’s future self and gently rested her forehead against Alice’s shoulder, and then the two walked away. Left the woods.

But Alice didn’t go with them.

She was left in the woods with it.

The shadows.

It was still sat on the ground in the same position Bella had held. Knee cocked, with an arm resting on it.

It had no face. No eyes, no mouth, no features. It did not speak or move.

But Alice knew, beyond any doubt, that it was still. Looking. At her.

Suddenly she could speak.

“What do you want?” she whispered.

The shadows said nothing at all.

“What do you want!?” she repeated, managing to get her voice a bit louder this time.

Again there was nothing.

Alice was about to speak again when the shadows slowly began to move. A hand lifted up, and moved to the back of its head, threading its fingers through its ‘hair’. It closed its hand in a grip and began to pull.

Alice couldn’t speak.

She tried to pull her eyes away, but couldn’t. She couldn’t end the vision. She couldn’t wake up.

Alice Cullen had no memories of her human life and thus did not know what it truly was to dream, but she had read books, and she knew enough to know that whatever was happening right now was the closest thing she would ever experience to a true nightmare.

The shadows continued to pull until pieces of itself began to split away, peeling layer after layer of itself off, anchored by the flowing locks of shadowed ‘hair’. It pulled straight down its middle, until a shadowy approximation of a scalp was held in its clenched fist.

The woods began to disintegrate slowly around her, as if they were a smoldering painting being consumed by embers. The edges of reality burned around her, creeping closer and closer to her feet, threatening to plunge her into an empty void with it .

She was frozen to the spot.

Right as the last vestige of grass burnt away under her feet, she heard a single whisper.

“And we shall breathe rhapsody, the howling and gnashing teeth of the true Sons of Caine. Truth-seer, path-weaver, realm-breaker; bring the girl to the Fisher King’s tomb and set us free.”

And then she woke.

~~~

Carlisle was the first to know. She pulled him into his study, the only room in the house that was soundproofed to the point of even vampires being unable to hear within it as long as the occupants spoke quietly, and spilled everything she could remember.

He listened to her with a pensive look on his face, not saying a single thing until she had concluded. She had revealed the other four visions to the rest of the family, and while she was certainly the most excited, all of them were anticipating Bella’s arrival into their life by now in some form or another. But now Alice wasn’t sure what to do.

“And this has never happened with a vision before?” Carlisle asked softly after she had finished speaking.

“Never,” Alice said firmly. “I’m barely even self-aware in my visions. Even when they don’t involve my own presence, it’s not like I’m standing there in the corner watching something happen in the future. I see a series of events play out with a limited, muted sense of my own feelings and reactions, and I’m only able to understand most of them when I go back and look over them with Edward. But with this one, it’s like I was...I was…”

“Present in some form. Spiritually, mentally…” Carlisle murmured.

“Exactly. And that thing…”

Carlisle nodded, frowning deeply.

They were silent for a long while.

“Do you believe this changes anything about Bella herself?” Carlisle eventually asked. Alice shook her head.

“Whatever is going to happen with Bella and our family is going to happen regardless,” she said confidently. “She’s going to be here, in Forks. And I don’t quite believe that Bella herself is in any way meant to bring us harm, whatever this...this entity that hijacked my vision is, it wants Bella, but Bella herself isn’t a threat.”

Carlisle nodded.

“My own thoughts exactly,” he concurred. “Those words it used, I’m not...entirely sure, but I believe I’ve heard them before. I’ll need to do some reading and possibly make...several phone calls before I’m able to say anything with confidence.”

“What should I tell everyone else?” Alice asked.

Carlisle sighed.

“I don’t want anyone to unduly worry,” he mused, his voice low and thoughtful. “Let me do some research. I’ll decide whether or not to inform them in due time, and take responsibility for the concealment of this aspect of the vision.”

Alice didn’t like the idea of keeping her family in the dark, but she bit her tongue and nodded.

“You say that Bella will arrive soon?” Carlisle inquired.

“Very soon, I would think,” Alice nodded thoughtfully. “We try to not stay in a single place for more than a few consecutive years, so it must be soon if I saw her in the woods behind this house.”

Then, as if the universe itself had a sense of humor, there was a knock on the door of Carlisle's study. He stood and opened the door.

Edward stumbled in, and immediately Alice could tell something was off. His pupils were dilated heavily and he was trembling, and she could see a drop of venom that had dripped down past his lips.

“Edward!?” she exclaimed, rushing over to him in concern. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

“She’s here,” Edward whispered, his voice a mixture of shock and excitement. “It must be her. She’s here.”

“What?” Alice asked, blinking in confusion.

“Bella,” Edward said with a short, giddy laugh that was quite unlike him. “She’s arrived. And I think I know how she comes to join our family.”

“What do you mean?” Carlisle asked.

“She’s my mate,” Edward whispered, pushing a hand through his hair and beginning to pace around the room. “I’ve never smelled a human like her before. I was drawn to her immediately, I wanted to...to sink into her flesh, to claim her...that must be, it must be how Alice’s visions come to be.”

“Incredible,” Carlisle whispered, smiling softly.

Alice, meanwhile, was locked in place, her mind whirling.

That couldn’t be right.

That wasn’t what she saw.

Edward hadn’t even been in any of the visions with Bella.

“I understand now, what you mean when you speak of the pull,” Edward said to Carlisle. “It’s so strong.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Carlisle said, reaching out and squeezing Edward’s shoulder.

That wasn’t right.

Edward turned towards Alice, a curious expression on his face. She quickly locked down her thoughts, standing up straight and putting on a smile.

“I’m happy for you too, Ed,” she said quietly. Turning to Carlisle, she continued. “I’m going to go find Rosalie, I’ve been meaning to get her opinion on some new dresses. Talk more later?”

“Yes, yes,” Carlisle said, nodding idly before turning back to Edward.

Alice made her leave as quickly as possible, closing the study door behind her and making her way to Rosalie’s bedroom. She needed to have an important talk with her sister.

~~~~~

Present Day

~~~~~

“The fact that a human could present a gift strong enough to keep me out of your visions by proxy is...frustrating.”

“I think it’s hilarious that your mate is the one person who can keep you out of their head,” Emmett laughed.

Edward grumbled at that before turning back to Alice, who had to stop sending subtle glares at Rosalie.

“What did you see?” he asked.

Ever since meeting Bella in person, the visions featuring her had gotten startlingly clear. They were still fragmented and disjointed, and often very hazy, but they were no longer completely shrouded in darkness and shadow. Alice could now pick the words she heard in her visions out a lot easier, and sometimes she could even see hints of Bella’s features.

Still though, it was frustrating that Bella’s gift seemed so determined to keep her out. This would all be much easier if Alice could just see her more clearly.

“It was flashes of moments and snippets of conversation,” Alice said with a sigh. “I think it was about her learning about us. Our nature.”

Edward’s eyes flashed, and the rest of the family leaned in. Even Rosalie was paying attention, seemingly despite herself.

“She took it well. I think,” Alice said with a frown. “I still get the sense that the visions of her becoming one of us are solidly in place, so, I’m not surprised.”

“That’s good to hear,” Carlisle said happily.

“Mhm,” Alice said with a nod. She then turned to Jasper. “I’m hungry after that. Hunt with me?”

“Always,” Jasper said with an easy smile.

Once they were far enough away from the house, Alice let her thoughts wander a bit more freely. She could tell Jasper wanted to ask her questions, but he didn’t speak a word as they took down a large elk together.

As she fed she couldn’t help but go back again and again to one of the brief snippets in her newest vision. For the first time in years, Alice had finally gotten the confirmation she had been looking for.

“There has to be another option.”

“Not one that doesn’t put you in danger!”

“If I do this now I’m already in danger. Alice said it...it freezes you in time. I can’t be frozen like this!”

“What do you mean?”

“I...don’t want to talk about it. Just please drop it. We’ll figure something else out, Alice has to be able to figure something else out. I believe in her.”

One voice was definitely Bella. Alice had heard it before in visions, but since meeting her in the flesh everything about her had become so much more tangible in her visions as well. Her voice more than anything, as her physical features and appearance were still very blurred and smeared in visions.

But the other voice confirmed something that Alice, to some degree, had already known and kept secret since then.

It confirmed to her that Edward was either lying or mistaken, and she knew that neither option would spare her family from the inevitable pain of the events they would incite.

The other voice was attached to a more visible person this time. One with long, blonde hair and a powerful, incandescent beauty. A voice Alice had heard once before in a vision with Bella years ago, one that she knew in her gut she would hear again.

One that left Alice feeling completely and utterly powerless to change the strife she knew was ahead of them all.

“...Alright. I’ll let it rest for now.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry for being pushy. It’s...not like me. I’m just...scared. You know it’s just because I care about you quite significantly, right?”

“I know. I also know it was hard for you to admit that. I appreciate it, really. I care about you too.”

“Good. As long as you know. And yes, it was quite difficult, thank you for noticing that.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I am not. It just took quite a significant amount of effort and nonsense for us to get here, and I’m not keen on seeing it all wasted.”

“...yeah. Neither am I.”

“We’ll figure it all out. Together.”

“...Together. I like the sound of that.”

…

“Thanks, Rosalie.”

 

Notes:

A wild plot hook appeared!

This is one of a few Alice POV chapters that will be sprinkled in throughout the story. While Bella will continue to be the primary POV character, other characters will occasionally get their own, usually when I need to tell a part of the story that Bella kind of...can't, like this one. This chapter is meant to set the greater stage at large and to start drip-feeding information about the greater stakes of the story that will grow in the background. It's also meant to start establishing the "battle lines" so to speak. While Bella is blissfully ignorant, having no idea that she's already *so* popular amongst the supernatural, there's Edward and most of the Cullens who believe that she's mated to him (spoilers: she isn't), there's Alice who *knows* that isn't the case but can't speak up about it without risking a massive fracture in the family but goddammit she's trying SO hard to put Bella on the 'right' path and keep Edward AWAY, and then there's Rosalie, who thinks they're all nuts and wants to stay out of it entirely. Oh and the creepy shadow-demon thing infesting Alice's visions. That's probably fine though, just spray some RAID on it and it should be okay. Right? Right. Pay no attention to the creepy shadow demon with creepy prophecies about Caine behind the curtain.

I definitely feel uneasy about this chapter but I also don't know how to really make it *better*. So I hope most of you like it, or are at least willing to put up with it to allow me to establish further context without waiting for someone to infodump to Bella. I really like it, but it's also a bit of a tonal shift compared to the three chapters prior. Takes a bit of a detour down Horror Lane for a hot second there. For what it's worth, I *am* going somewhere with this and no, the shadow demon is not the metaphysical manifestation of Bella's depression. Give me *some* credit.

If anyone is worried that the Big Plot will detract from our girls smooching, I am just going to say that I'm a real big fan of how She-Ra ended with true love's kiss to save the universe. Totally not foreshadowing.

(no I didn't just spoil the ending, they won't LITERALLY do that. this is me being a clever idiot to reassure you that no, the big plot will not get in the way of smooching and if anything will only enhance it. I could just say that but the joke is funny.)

Anyway.

I apologize for this author's note being ramblier than usual, I'm rather tired and haven't eaten anything today because I fell into a time-hole and wrote a little over 9,000 words. I hope you enjoy this entry, I hope you'll stick around for the entries to come, I love the comments I've been getting so far and please leave more, comments fuel my writing powers and make me post chapters faster. I'm not one of those authors who will hold a story hostage for comments (yikes) but I'm not gonna lie and say they don't motivate me to write more and faster. Because they do. Comments = dopamine = the ADHD bees are happy = more chapters for you to read. Basic math.

I need to stop. Love y'all. Seeya next chapter, where Bella has dinner with the Weirdest Family Ever.

Chapter 5: What Am I Doing Here, And Why Am I Like This? (I'm Doing My Best To Stay Calm In Crisis)

Summary:

Bella continues to struggle with branching out her social life and has a bit of a heart-to-heart with Alice about it. Then it's time to meet the rest of the Cullens...

Bella managed to dodge Alice’s dinner invite for a grand total of two weekends, but in the second-to-last week of November as the winter chill began to set in, she finally ran out of reasons to put it off and agreed. The final straw was when Charlie had asked her if she had any plans that weekend, and when Bella had told him that Alice Cullen had invited her to dinner a few weeks ago but she wasn’t sure whether or not she would go, he looked at her with that Concerned Dad Face and asked why not.

She couldn’t come up with a good answer that didn’t make her feel bad, and when she replied with ‘I don’t know’, Charlie just gave her a small huff.

“You know, you can’t make friends if you don’t put yourself out there a little bit. Me ‘n Billy didn’t become lifelong friends because we would chat a little bit here and there.”

Bella was reminded of her therapist and was suddenly assaulted on two fronts. Charlie’s slight frown in front of her face, and the unamused, disappointed expression of her therapist in her mind’s eye both told her quite definitively that dodging Alice’s invitation was decidedly not ‘giving Forks a real chance’. She looked at Charlie and very begrudgingly conceded that he had a point, and texted Alice while she was cooking dinner for her and Charlie.

~ ~~

Bella [4:54 p.m.]: Okay. I’ll come. What time?

Alice [4:54 p.m.]: Excellent! I knew you’d come around. Anytime after six is good! :)

Bella [4:56 p.m.]: How do you always reply to me right after I message you? It’s like you know I’m going to text you.

Alice [4:56 p.m.]: Because I do. I have a secret. I can actually see the future. I know exactly when you’re going to text me every time.

Bella [5:00 p.m.]: LOL okay sure. Pull the other one it has bell s. You’re definitely not just sitting by your phone waiting for my text like some kind of human-puppy hybrid :P

Alice [5:00 p.m.]: >:O Bella!!! I wouldn’t lie to you! And hey! I’m not that desperate.

Alice [5:00 p.m.]: Am I?

Bella [5:02 p.m.]: lol I’m just messing with you. It’s actually kinda nice having someone be this excited to talk to you. And okay little miss fortune teller, if you’re not lying to me, what’s the weather going to be like when I come over for dinner?

Alice [5:02 p.m.]: I am very excited to talk to you! You’re a delight to conversate with. And m y crystal ball says it will be bright and sunny!

Bella [5:05 p.m.]: Aw, thanks Alice. And ooooh, so I’ll get to actually see you in the sunlight for once? We’ve been friends for like a month and I don’t think I’ve actually seen a single ray of sunlight touch your skin. You must be like, severely Vitamin D deficient.

Alice [5:05 p.m.]: I get a perfectly satisfactory amount of sunlight thank you very much! Our father just likes taking us camping and hiking when the weather is good, since we don’t get much good weather in Washington.

Bella [5:10 p.m.]: Is that why you missed school on the, like, three days of sun we actually had??? Your dad just pulled you out for the day?

Alice [5:10 p.m.]: Yup! There’s a few hiking trails nearby that we’re partial to. Maybe I’ll take you with us someday :)

Alice [5:10 p.m.]: Or maybe Rosalie will invite you ;P

Bella [5:14 p.m.]: Does your sister know you’re flirting with me for her?

Alice [5:14 p.m.]: She does not, no.

Bella [5:14 p.m.]: Uh huh. And do we think she would approve?

Alice [5:14 p.m.]: She would not, no.

Bella [5:20 p.m.]: ….soooooo…

Alice [5:20 p.m.]: I am not stopping :)

Bella [5:23 p.m.]: Worth a shot lol. Can you at least refrain from doing this when I’m over? I’d like to retain my ability to speak when I meet your family.

Alice [5:23 p.m.]: Oh I won’t make a peep about it. But not because you asked.

Bella [5:25 p.m.]: It’s because you’re afraid of Rosalie isn’t it?

Alice [5:25 p.m.]: It is because I am afraid of Rosalie yes.

Alice [5:25 p.m.]: The worst you’ll do is stop talking to me for the day if I tease you too much. Rosalie might actually hit me.

Alice [5:25 p.m.]: Or she might set my closet on fire.

Bella [5:31 p.m.]: The horror.

Alice [5:31 p.m.]: I can hear the sarcasm in your text!!!! It WOULD be horrifying actually do you have ANY idea how many one-of-a-kind pieces of clothing I own??

Bella [5:45 p.m.]: I’m going to guess it’s a bit north of “way too many for one person to reasonably own”.

Alice [5:45 p.m.]: I am going to ignore that comment and pretend you gave a real guess. For your information the current number sits at one-hundred and thirty seven.

Bella [6:02 p.m.]: Alice?

Alice [6:02 p.m.]: Yes?

Bella [6:02 p.m.]: That is so far north of way too many that I think you’re in the Arctic of owning clothes. Actually I think you might have looped all the way around. Somehow.

Alice [6:02 p.m.]: I do not have to take this abuse from somebody who seems to think the peak of fashion is a ratty t-shirt and jeans! I am going to ignore you for the rest of the night! >:(

Bella [6:05 p.m.]: LMAO. I have homework to do anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow at school, weirdo.

Alice [6:05 p.m.]: See you tomorrow!!

Bella [6:05 p.m.]: What happened to ignoring me? :P

Alice [6:05 p.m.]: Oh, right. You didn’t see that.

Bella [6:07 p.m.]: Uh huh. G’night Alice.

(Read at 6:07 p.m.)

Bella waited for a few moments then chuckled, setting her phone down and pulling her math homework out.

As she fiddled with her pencil and wrote things down, occasionally referencing her textbook, her mind wandered and flitted from thought to thought. She thought about school and how things had been going so far, about Angela and her group of friends that Bella was slowly somewhat-integrating into.

It was strange.

Angela was nice enough, she supposed. A bit reserved, and a bit too tolerant. When Jessica would act particularly nosy or the boys would get particularly bold with their rather sad attempts at flirting, she’d rarely verbally reprimand them and at most would send them a glare. She seemed to prefer just sending apologetic looks at Bella, as if she were embarrassed to be in such company but not quite enough to actually do anything about it.

Jessica wasn’t...awful. Once she had realized that Bella was about as interesting as a slightly damp paper towel she almost completely stopped engaging with her, and Bella’s interactions with her at lunch were mostly limited to listening to her spout off about whatever the latest ‘hot gossip’ was.

She wasn’t particularly mean spirited. Just far too nosy for Bella’s tastes. But she would occasionally give Bella a compliment on her hair or ask her opinion on a song Jessica had been listening to, and even made sure to let Bella know explicitly that the next time the group of friends went to the beach she was invited.

The boys were, well, boys. Teenage boys. Bella had learned a long while ago that most teenage boys seemed to operate on, if not the exact same wavelength, ones that were very close neighbors. They made little effort to hide the fact that they found her attractive and would occasionally ask shockingly invasive questions that would earn them a glare from Angela and usually a verbal reprimand from Lauren.

But it all seemed to stem from the typical bullheadedness and lack of emotional awareness that all teenage boys Bella had ever met had been infected with and wasn’t meant with malice, so Bella let it slide.

And then there was Lauren.

Lauren, most of the time, was nice. She wasn’t as nosy as Jessica, or as invasive with her questions as the boys. She directly spoke to Bella more often than the other three, and more than once Bella had found herself in an entirely separate conversation with her as Angela, Jessica, and the boys were involved in their own argument.

She liked fashion and makeup and all the typical things one would expect of a teenage girl, but Bella had been pleasantly surprised when the topic of music came up and Lauren happily shared her love of Metallica, citing ‘One’ as ‘the pinnacle of rock music’.

At first, after Bella had gotten used to Lauren’s particularly harsh and blunt way of speaking, and her complete lack of shame in being quite verbal about her thoughts of the various students she found herself surrounded with, she had struck up an odd rapport with the girl.

And then just yesterday, Lauren had described one of the teacher’s outfits that day as ‘kind of dyke-y’ with an exaggerated gag and a stuck-out tongue, causing the bottom to fall out of Bella’s stomach. The table had responded along a spectrum.

Angela had immediately frowned and snapped “Lauren!” at her, which was only met with a roll of the eyes and had zero follow-up.

Jessica gave a little awkward sigh and said “You know you really shouldn’t say that, Lauren…”, to which Lauren gave the response of; “I’m not saying anything mean I’m just saying her outfit makes her look like a massive lesbo. She was wearing a flannel.”

The boys just looked uncomfortable and said nothing.

The conversation had quickly moved on past that, but Bella had excused herself to go to the bathroom, where she once again had an episode of anxiety that caused her stomach to upturn the lunch she had just finished putting inside of it.

It left her feeling wrong for the entire rest of the day. She felt a little better today, but lunch with them felt excruciatingly awkward. Nobody mentioned it, and nobody seemed to even act different except Bella, who was much quieter and less engaged than usual. The only ones to even notice that Bella seemed a little off were Angela and Lauren herself, which was one of the strangest things Bella had experienced in her life.

Lauren had sat next to her and, after a few moments of texting on her phone, shot Bella a sideways glance. She then frowned, put her phone away, and propped herself up on her elbows, looking sideways at Bella.

“You okay?” she had asked.

Bella had no idea what to say.

Lauren certainly sounded like she genuinely wanted to know. The frown on her face wasn’t one of displeasure with Bella, but one of mild concern.

“Did one of the idiots try one of their pathetic attempts at flirting again?” she asked firmly, narrowing her eyes at Tyler and Mike, who both held their hands up in mock surrender, proclaiming they hadn’t said anything to Bella all day and hey we aren’t pathetic!

“No, they’re fine,” Bella said quietly.

“Okay,” Lauren said after a moment. “I know you like, just got here and stuff. And we don’t know each other, really. But just so you know, if you’re having a bad day or whatever and you need someone to bitch with, I’m pretty good at it.”

“...mmkay,” Bella said, nodding.

Lauren returned the nod and then took her phone back out.

The interaction had been on her mind for the entire rest of the day, and even as she finished up her homework and laid back in bed, she still didn’t quite know what to make of it. Would Lauren make the same offer if she knew Bella herself was one of those ‘lesbos’? Probably not.

Bella felt a faint hum of hope that maybe Lauren just didn’t really know any better, didn’t know how insensitive she was. Maybe if Bella talked to her about it, she’d get it and things would be okay, and then Bella could maybe have a third actual friend without feeling all conflicted and weird about it.

But she quickly stamped out that hope.

She remembered the last time she hoped like that.

It was a lesson well learnt, and a mistake she wouldn’t be repeating.

~~~

Bella had lunch with Alice the next day, who could tell that something was off about her, and unlike Lauren, Bella was having a much harder time keeping her out. She tried pulling Bella out of her shell with a bit of lighthearted teasing and then when that didn’t work, sat directly across from her on the ground and bluntly asked what was wrong.

“It’s nothing,” Bella muttered, picking at a blade of grass.

“Bella,” Alice said patiently, kneeling down and tucking her skirt underneath her knees. “It’s quite clear something is bothering you. I’ll respect it if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’d ask you not to lie to me. Please.”

Bella was quiet for a few moments. Alice waited, simply staying knelt in front of her with her hands clasped in her lap. Turning her head, Bella looked at Alice’s fingernails, upon which she had painted an intricate design with her nail polish that day.

She spent several minutes following the little lines and swirls with her eyes before speaking again, her voice so soft it was almost carried away by the breeze.

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to be safe,” she said, pulling her knees up a little and wrapping her arms around them. “It’s not like I planned to have some massive coming-out moment at school or whatever and honestly I’d be happy graduating with everyone here still thinking I’m straight and just can’t get a boyfriend.”

“What happened?” Alice asked softly.

“Eh. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before,” Bella sighed. “Lauren called one of the teachers a dyke because she was wearing a flannel. Not like, even in a super derogatory way. Like, she didn’t say it in a ‘burn the gays’ way but in a ‘not around my kids’ way, you know what I mean? But like, she’s also one of the only people in this school who seems to actually give a shit about me so far and I feel shitty and conflicted and can’t help but wonder if she’d treat me the same if she knew. Like, is she actually homophobic or is she just ignorant? Is this my responsibility to deal with or should I just ride it out and ignore it? Am I a bad friend if I don’t give her a chance to be a better person or should I just focus on protecting myself?”

Bella stopped once she realized she was ranting. She let out a loud, heavy sigh and dragged her fingers through her hair, closing her eyes for a moment and counting her breaths. Eventually her heart rate slowed down and the pulsing vein in her neck was a little less prominent.

Alice frowned and flexed her fingers lightly.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“S’whatever,” Bella said with a shrug. “I mean if you’re bi I’m guessing you’ve dealt with the same shit.”

“You could say that, yes,” Alice replied quietly. “If...it’s alright for me to ask, am I...the only one who knows? About you?”

“Charlie knows,” Bella said absently. “Well, and Renee and Phil, but they’re back in Phoenix and I haven’t heard from them since getting here except for when Phil texted me a picture of him and Renee in front of some tourist trap in Boston, and Renee used his phone to text me uh.”

Bella coughed and pulled her phone out, opening up the text and reading it aloud.

“Oh my God Bella you wouldn’t believe how nice Boston is, I can’t believe we never went before. Did you know that people in Boston actually talk like that? We went to a deli for lunch today and the guy behind the counter sounded like he was out of a movie.”

Bella was quiet for a moment before turning her phone off and putting it back in her pocket.

“I told her ‘Sounds great, glad you’re doing well’, and the only reply I got was from Phil who told me not to worry and that he was taking care of my mom. So...yeah. That should probably give you enough context to know whether or not them knowing I’m gay matters.”

Alice fiddled with her skirt a little before responding.

“I have decided I’m not particularly fond of your mother,” she declared. “You can have mine if you want.”

Bella laughed despite herself.

“Why, what’s wrong with her?” she chuckled.

Alice giggled.

“Absolutely nothing. Esme is a lovely woman who would probably adopt every orphan in the world if Carlisle would let her, but I can probably at least squeeze you in there.”

“Wanna get married, make it official?” Bella joked.

“Hmm…” Alice hummed, tapping her finger to her chin as she pretended to seriously think the idea over. “What exactly are you bringing to this marriage? I mean, you’re getting my rather excellent mother so what do I get?”

“I’ll have you know I’d make an exceptional housewife,” Bella said firmly. “I can cook, and I know how to get every stain out of every kind of clothing. Provided it’s fresh. Even if it isn’t fresh I can sometimes salvage it though.”

“Oooh, tempting,” Alice giggled. “You’ll have to break the news to Jasper though.”

“Oh that’s my job? You can’t tell your boyfriend you’re a married woman now on your own, you have to get your wife to do it?” Bella groaned.

“He does really good puppy eyes, I know he doesn’t look the type but it’s quite impossible for me to say no to him when he makes that one face,” Alice sighed in faux exasperation. “It’d never work if I do it.”

Bella laughed again, and the two trailed off into silence. After a few moments, Bella spoke up again, quiet and vulnerable.

“You really think your family will be okay with me? I mean, you talk all the time about how private they are, and sometimes in the cafeteria I think some of them stare at me and I can never tell if they want to gut me or say hello. And they’ll be okay with like...yknow?”

“I mean I have been talking about you rather extensively since inviting you to dinner,” Alice said. “They’re quite eager to meet you actually. As for the issue of your orientation…”

Bella found herself tensing slightly as Alice trailed off a little.

“I don’t...like speaking ill of my family, you understand?” Alice said gently. Bella nodded. “Most of them will be...fine. My parents in particular are a little old-fashioned so they might be a bit...off guard about it, but they accept it just fine. Jasper is very supportive of me and I have no doubt in my mind that support would extend to yourself. Emmett quite frankly will not care and will be far more interested in your potential interest and-or skill in ‘Mario Kart’.”

“I like Mario Kart,” Bella chuckled.

“Then Emmett will adore you,” Alice said, flashing a grin. Then her expression became pensive.

“What about your other two siblings? Rosalie and uhm, Edward?” Bella asked.

“I think Rose will be fine,” Alice said with a nod. “Honestly I doubt you’ll even meet her right away. She’s the most introverted person I’ve ever met in my life, frankly. Jasper might not talk very much but he enjoys socializing. But I think Rose would be quite happy as a hermit as long as she had a steady supply of cars to tinker with and books to read.”

“She likes cars?” Bella asked. Alice gave her a small smirk before replying.

“She does. She has several in the garage currently. It’s the one thing she’ll talk your ear off about if you let her, and then she’ll wonder why we always get her automotive-related things as gifts,” Alice snorted. “She claims we just don’t think she has any other hobbies. I would love to know more about her other hobbies but the only thing she ever wants to talk about at length is cars!”

“That’s funny,” Bella said with a smile. “And uh...Edward?”

Alice frowned, and Bella felt her heart start to race a little from anxiety.

“I love my brother,” she said carefully. “But it would be irresponsible of me to not warn you that he is the most likely to respond...negatively to your expression of identity.”

“Okay…” Bella said slowly.

“He’s not going to hurt you,” Alice said quickly. “But, well, he might...say things.”

“...things liiiike,” Bella prompted gently.

“He might ask you if you’re sure, he’ll say things like maybe you just haven’t found the right man, the usual gamut of nonsense,” Alice grumbled. “At worst he’ll get a bit preachy and religious on you and talk about how he personally believes that marriage should be between man and woman and that while he doesn’t hold any disdain for you as a person, what he will do is express significant worry over the safety of your eternal soul.”

Bella made several faces while Alice was speaking, each slightly more disgusted and irritated than the last.

“Okay. So ew, ew, and ewwwwwwwwwww,” Bella said, shuddering lightly. “I guess that’s not the worst thing ever, as long as he isn’t too up my ass about it.”

Alice frowned.

“That’s exactly my worry unfortunately,” she grumbled. “To be completely honest with you, he’s why I haven’t pushed harder to introduce you to my family sooner. Edward is...most of the time he’s great. We play chess together and we have similar interests, and he’s actually quite insightful and fun to talk to and…”

Alice sighed in mild frustration.

“And he’s also one of the most stubborn idiots I’ve ever known. If he gets an idea stuck in his head it’s very difficult to dislodge it, and I’m quite concerned that when he finds out you’re gay he’ll be stupid and he’ll decide to make you into his project of some sort and then I’ll have to intervene and he’ll get upset, and then because he’s upset Carlisle and Esme will get upset and then everyone will get upset and you’ll be stuck in the middle and I really don’t want to do that to you but I also would really like to stop keeping you from the rest of my family at arm’s length just because my brother occasionally likes to use his rear end as a hat.”

Bella blinked a few times in surprise and coughed. Alice looked a bit awkward and bashful, as if she had said far more than she intended to, and she cleared her throat lightly.

“I hope this doesn’t discourage you from being my friend,” Alice said meekly. “If I could change my brother I would. I promise you he’s actually very nice underneath all that stubbornness, and I hope he’ll come around eventually but I’d also understand if you don’t want to deal with that.”

For a few moments, the two girls sat in silence. Bella turned the words over and over in her head before eventually coming to a decision. Carefully, she shifted her position and scooted herself to sit directly next to Alice, and she gently put an arm around Alice’s shoulders.

Even through her clothes, Bella could tell Alice was freezing, and she was so surprised by how cold she was without shivering that she almost forgot what she was about to say. But she quickly got her bearings back and spoke up.

“We can’t help who we’re related to,” Bella said with a sigh, thinking of her own mother. “I mean, I know you’re adopted but the premise still applies. I’m not gonna ditch you because your brother kinda sucks sometimes. I will however retain the right to punt him in the nuts if he ever gets too gross about it.”

Alice laughed and leaned into Bella’s side with a small hum of contentment.

“Trust me, if he ever oversteps too much I’ll do the kicking for you. He’s my brother so I have dibs,” she said.

“Well isn’t he my brother in law now? We have equal dibs,” Bella chuckled.

“Oh right of course, of course. But he was my brother first so my dibs are a little more equal than yours, you see,” Alice giggled.

“Ah, invoking the seniority clause, I respect it,” Bella said sagely. “Then I shall let you have first nut-kicking dibs should Edward say anything particularly gross.”

Alice giggled again and lightly bumped Bella’s shoulder with her head.

They were quiet until the bell rang and they had to stand. Bella stretched out her joints with a loud groan.

“Hey,” she said before Alice split off towards her own class. Alice turned to her with a curious expression on her face. “Uh, thanks. For listening to me. And for like, cheering me up and junk.”

“You’re my friend Bella,” Alice said with a smile. “You don’t need to thank me for that.”

“Is it kinda sad that you’re basically the best friend I’ve ever had?” Bella asked with an awkward half-smile, rocking back and forth on her heels a little. “I’ve never really had anyone do that for me before. So...I feel like I do need to thank you, actually.”

Alice was quiet for a moment before reaching out and gently tapping Bella’s nose with her finger.

“It is a little sad I suppose,” she murmured. “But not because you are a sad person. It’s because you’re actually quite a wonderful person I think, and it’s sad that it’s taken this long for people to start figuring that out.”

“Aw shucks,” Bella said, feeling her face heat up a little. “You’re gonna make me cry ya big softie.”

“Well we can’t have that,” Alice snickered. “Do you mean it though? That I’m your best friend?”

Bella shrugged.

“I mean I think you have the position more by default than by selection but I’m also pretty confident in saying that if this friendship continues to trend in the direction it has been, you’ll probably have it pretty locked up for a while.”

“I’ll take it,” Alice declared with a clap of her hands, grinning widely. “You should get to class, Bella. Take care for the rest of the day, alright? I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner.”

“Yeah. Wait, aren’t you going to class too?” Bella asked with a frown.

“Oh, no, my family left just before lunch. I stayed to eat and chat with you, but everyone else left before. Carlisle is taking us...somewhere. I don’t remember. But he got permission to take us out right before lunch,” Alice said, bouncing a little on her heels.

“Man I wish my dad was rich,” Bella whined. “Your life sounds so cool.”

Alice laughed and pushed Bella down the hall.

“Go to class! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Yeah yeah I’m going!” Bella yelped as she started walking away. “Wait, I still don’t know your address!”

“I’ll text it to you!” Alice called out behind her.

“Kay!”

~~~~~

“Okay,” Bella said as she pulled into the driveway of the address she had been given, looking out the front window of her truck in dumbstruck awe. “I knew her dad had money but like. Holy McMansion, Batman.”

There was no other good way to describe the absolutely massive house she had just arrived at. ‘House’ didn’t even feel like the right description. It was huge. And even though it was dark, Bella was pretty sure she could make out the shape of at least one outbuilding not too far from the main property.

She killed the engine and hopped gingerly out of her truck, pulling her hoodie over her head. An experimental exhale pushed out a slight cloud of vapor and she shivered, her nose already tingling from the evening chill.

Bella walked up to the front door and was debating between knocking or looking for a doorbell when the door was flung open to reveal Alice, who was currently wearing a face-splitting grin. Behind her stood a startlingly beautiful young woman with shining, soft brown hair that spilled in gentle curls down to her shoulders.

“Jesus Alice is your entire family supermodels?” Bella blurted out before she could sever the connection between her brain and her mouth, and she immediately found herself wanting to turn right back around and climb into her truck.

Alice just burst out laughing and the woman standing with her smiled prettily, gently pulling Alice out of the entryway and beckoning Bella to come inside.

“Thank you very much sweetheart, I’ll take that as the compliment it was intended to be,” the woman said with a chuckle. “I’m Esme Cullen. It’s a delight to meet you.”

Bella took the offered hand and shook it, smiling awkwardly with embarrassment.

“It’s nice to meet you too Mrs. Cullen. I’ve heard a lot about you and your family,” Bella said politely.

“Oh please call me Esme darling,” Esme said as she ushered Bella inside. “Mrs. Cullen makes me feel old.”

“Uh, okay then. Esme it is,” Bella said, looking around the foyer with a slightly dumbstruck look on her face. “You have a really nice home.”

“Thank you!” Esme said with a wide smile, putting a hand over her heart. “I did all the design work myself.”

“You did!?” Bella asked, eyes widening a little. “Wow. You’re like, crazy talented then.”

“Oh stop it,” Esme chided playfully as she led Bella further into the house, Alice skipping happily behind them. “Alice didn’t tell us you were such a charmer!”

“I’m not trying to be?” Bella said awkwardly, looking back at Alice with a help me expression.

“I should inform you mother that Bella proposed to me yesterday,” Alice said with mischief dancing in her eyes.

“Oh? Is that so?” Esme said, narrowing her eyes at Bella.

“It was a joke!” Bella yelped. “We were just being funny! Alice you know it was just us being funny right?”

“So the idea of marrying my daughter is a joke to you?” Esme asked, putting a hand on her hip and raising an eyebrow.

Bella made a strangled sound in her throat before turning to Alice.

“Help,” she whined.

“Alright alright,” Alice giggled, hopping up to Bella’s side and looping her arm around with Bella’s. “We’ll stop. You’re just too easy to tease.”

Esme’s face had also returned to an easy smile, and Bella felt her shoulders slump in relief.

“You’re such an ass sometimes,” she whispered to Alice, bumping her with her hip.

“Please. You love me,” Alice scoffed.

“Not right now I don’t! That was mean!” Bella whined. “My nerves are already at an eleven!”

“I’m sorry then,” Alice said, gently bumping Bella with her head. “Forgive me?”

“We’ll see,” Bella grumbled, reaching around and ruffling Alice’s hair. Alice yelped and pulled her head away, pouting and fixing her hair. “By the way miss ‘I can see the future’ I didn’t see the sun at ALL today and it actually got dark early. What’s up with that!? I was promised a bright and sunny day!”

Alice poked the side of her own head and stuck her tongue out.

“Oops! Silly me! I guess it just wasn’t working properly!”

Bella snorted lightly and shook her head.

“Yeah, or maybe it’s just tuned specifically to when I text you,” she said with a wry chuckle. Alice made a little nyeh sound at her and lightly shoved her.

Esme then led Bella into the living room, where two other Cullens were currently involved in their own activities. Jasper Hale was sitting in an armchair watching Emmett Cullen play a video game and offering commentary every time Emmett died in the game.

Emmett was sitting on the floor with his face barely two feet away from the television, a controller looking quite small in his gigantic hands as his face was scrunched up in concentration. The video game on the screen was some kind of action-shooting game, and he was quite occupied mowing down what looked like a variety of very colorful aliens.

“You should probably run away from the grenades,” Jasper commented as Emmett’s character went flying across the screen in a ragdoll animation.

“Oh you think!?” Emmett grumbled.

“Yeah it would probably help you die less,” Jasper said, nodding sagely.

“Fuck you Jasper.”

“Emmett! Language!” Esme scolded. Emmett grinned and turned around, his eyes lighting up when he spotted Bella.

“Hey! You’re the girl!” he said, pointing at her triumphantly.

Bella froze and stared at him with wide eyes.

“Huh?” she said.

“You know. The girl. The famous Bella,” Emmett said, still grinning.

Bella slowly turned to Alice, who was suddenly finding the ceiling very interesting.

“Exactly how much did you say you talked about me?” Bella asked.

“Hm? Sorry I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alice deflected, bouncing on her heels. “Hey look over there!”

She pointed at something across the room and made to run away, but stopped when Bella just stood there staring at her. Clearing her throat awkwardly, she stood back up straight.

“You were supposed to look away,” she explained.

“Alice. How much have you been talking about me. Why is your brother calling me ‘the famous Bella’?”

“She’s basically been babbling about you nonstop for a while now,” Jasper commented quietly, standing up and walking over to Alice. He put his hands on her shoulders and gently rubbed at her with his thumbs, looking fondly down at her. “It’s amusing. You’d think she’d never had a friend before.”

“Jasperrrr,” Alice whined. “You’re embarrassing me!”

“Jasper Hale, by the way. Pleasure to meet you,” Jasper said. He didn’t offer his hand, and in fact seemed to be positioning Alice between him and Bella somewhat, but his voice was warm and welcoming and had a soft hint of a southern drawl.

“Heard a lot about you,” Bella said with a nod. “It’s nice to finally meet you properly.”

“Mhm. I hear you’re trying to steal my girl from me,” he replied wryly.

Bella put her face in her hands and groaned. “I’m going to regret that stupid joke for the rest of my life, aren’t I?”

Alice and Jasper laughed at her for a moment before Bella pulled her hands away, turning to greet the other Cullen in the room.

“Anyway, yes, I’m Bella. You’re Emmett, right?” she asked, holding her hand out.

“Yeah! It’s so cool to finally meet you. I mean, I’ve been wanting to say hi for like, weeks, but Alice wouldn’t let me,” Emmett said casually, reaching out and shaking Bella’s hand. Bella stared blankly as his entire hand practically enveloped hers, and she could tell from the handshake that if he wanted to he could probably break every bone in her hand.

“Well you can say hi to me anytime you like. Despite what she seems to believe, Alice doesn’t own me,” Bella chuckled.

“Do too! I have dibs!” Alice chirped.

“You can’t have dibs on a person, Alice,” Jasper said patiently.

“Can too. I also have dibs on you,” Alice retorted.

“That I’m okay with,” Jasper chuckled.

“You guys are gross,” Emmett said, making a face. Then to Bella he asked; “Do you like video games?”

“I hear you’re a Mario Kart sort of man,” Bella said. “I’ll have you know I’m undefeated at Wario Stadium.”

Emmett pumped his fist and whooped, hurrying back to the television and setting up a different console.

“I’m gonna smear you across the dirt,” he declared confidently as he plugged a few controllers in.

Bella looked at Alice, who nodded happily and waved Bella away with her hands.

“I’ve had you to myself for weeks,” Alice said with an easy smile. “Socialize with my family. If you want. That’s the whole reason I invited you.”

“Yeah, okay. Uh, wasn’t I coming over for dinner though?” Bella asked with a frown.

Alice and Jasper exchanged a quick look, which Bella thought was a bit odd, before they looked back at her.

“We’ve got a pretty specialized diet,” Alice explained awkwardly. “I just invited you over for dinner because that’s the normal thing to do, I suppose. I just want to hang out with you. We can definitely feed you if you’re hungry, but we’ve already eaten.”

“Oh. That’s fine,” Bella said with a shrug. “I’ll figure it out. You could have just said you wanted to hang out with me though.”

“I know,” Alice groaned. “I just kind of panicked and felt like I needed some kind of excuse.”

Bella rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

“You’re such a weirdo,” she chuckled before walking over and sitting down next to Emmett. “Alright big man, you ready to get destroyed?”

“I am the undisputed champion of Mario Kart in this household and I will not be dethroned so easily!” Emmett declared, pounding a fist on his chest a few times. Bella laughed and they started a race.

As she thoroughly trounced Emmett over and over again, she felt her nerves slowly slipping away from her. Alice and Jasper were sitting on the couch and cheering them on, with Alice shamelessly on Bella’s ‘team’ and enthusiastically clapping whenever Bella would win a race, or hit Emmett with an item.

“You know, I feel like my support is a bit thin back there,” Emmett complained.

Jasper shrugged.

“Do something worth cheering for and maybe you’ll get more enthusiasm,” he said dryly. Emmett flipped him the bird as Bella once more crossed the finish line in first place, receiving another round of applause from Alice.

“Yay! Good job Bella!” Alice said, bouncing on the couch and giggling. “Kick his butt!”

“You seem very invested in this,” Bella commented.

“Emmett always beats me so it’s very satisfying to see him humbled,” Alice said.

“My own sister,” Emmett groaned, clutching a hand over his heart. “The betrayal!”

Alice stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry.

They were on their seventh race when Bella heard a door open. It was one of the sliding glass doors that led to the back side of the property, and the source of the footsteps was another person Bella didn’t recognize. He had dirty blonde hair and carried himself with an aura that Bella could practically feel, and without realizing it she straightened her back up a little bit.

“Carlisle! Come meet Bella!” Alice called out.

The man Bella now knew was Alice’s adoptive father smiled and walked over to them, his hands clasped behind his back as he observed the scene in front of him.

“What’s the score?” he asked after a moment.

“Six-nil,” Jasper said, twirling a lock of Alice’s hair around his finger.

“Ah. Apologies, Emmett’s quite skilled at this particular game I believe,” Carlisle said to Bella.

“Actually she’s winning,” Jasper said with a small half-smile.

“Bro,” Emmett groaned. “Whose side are you on.”

“Yours by pity,” Jasper replied easily.

“Ouch.”

Carlisle chuckled and took a few more steps towards Bella, who stood up and set the controller down. He observed her carefully for a few moments, and Bella couldn’t help but feel as though she was being seen right through. His eyes were a warm honey color, which…

Huh.

“Huh,” Bella said, tilting her head slightly to the side before looking around the room a little.

“What’s up?” Alice asked.

“...just weird,” Bella murmured, looking at each face in the room in turn. “I thought...hm.”

“You must be Bella, then,” Carlisle said, holding a hand out. “Carlisle Cullen. This is my home, and my family. I’ve heard quite a bit about you. All good things, of course.”

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Cullen,” Bella said, shaking his hand. She was still quite distracted, but realized that he, Esme, and Emmett were also all quite cool to the touch. Just like Alice.

Huh.

“Call me Carlisle,” he replied smoothly. “I have to retire to my study for now, work to be done, but please don’t hesitate to speak with me if you need anything. Have you met all of my children yet?”

“Not yet,” Bella said, shaking her head. “Just the people in this room, and Esme.”

“I see. Well, I believe Rosalie is reading in the garden, and Edward is out for a walk,” Carlisle said with a small nod. “If you wish to be introduced I’ll happily show you to the gardens and find my son for you.”

“Oh no it’s fine,” Bella said, waving her hands. “I don’t want to be a bother. I’m having fun hanging out with Alice and Emmett and Jasper, I’m sure they’re aware I was coming over and if they’re not here they probably don’t want to meet me right now which is totally fine and I don’t want to, like, butt in on them.”

Carlisle chuckled lightly and dipped his head again.

“Very well then. A pleasure, Miss Swan.”

“Okay, no, if I’m calling you Carlisle you have to call me Bella. That’s just weird,” Bella said, making a face.

“Bella it is then. Lovely to meet you,” Carlisle said, turning to acknowledge each of his children before leaving the room.

As soon as he left the room Bella’s shoulders slumped and she let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding.

“You alright?” Alice asked.

“Your dad is really intimidating,” Bella muttered, rubbing her eyes. “Just his presence made my hairs on my neck stand up. Not like, scary intimidating, but he just feels really big. Like, spiritually.”

“Well I promise you he’s a lot less intimidating than he seems,” Alice said with a reassuring smile. “He’s very sweet. He likes you.”

“Well. That’s good I guess,” Bella said with a sigh before sitting back down.

They continued to race a few more times, but Bella’s nerves could never quite settle again. It didn’t help that she started feeling a bit paranoid, feeling as though Jasper kept staring at her. She caught him out of the corner of her eye a few times, looking at her with a faint expression of puzzlement, as if something about her was confusing him.

She brushed it off, or at least tried to. There was probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for it. Maybe he had different expectations of what she would be like as a person and was trying to figure her out. Maybe he was just a people-watcher and did this to everyone.

Maybe he was actually afraid she would try to steal Alice from him and was examining the ‘competition’?

No. Bad Bella. Do not wind yourself up. He’s been perfectly nice to you so far. Calm the eff down.

Eventually Emmett got a bit tired of being smacked around and unceremoniously kicked Bella off his system, grumbling about how he had to get some practice in without it being completely demoralizing before she was allowed to play him again.

Alice took the opportunity to drag Bella up to her bedroom and show off her closet, which after taking one look, Bella was fully ready to believe that she was actually underselling how much clothing she owned before.

As they were sat on the floor of Alice’s closet, Bella interrupted Alice’s ramble about the one-of-a-kind jacket she was showing off with a question.

“Can I ask something that might be really stupid?”

Alice blinked and nodded.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“You guys are all adopted right? I didn’t just hallucinate that?” Bella asked, frowning as she wracked her brain for memories of the topic.

There was only the briefest pause before Alice’s response, but it was enough to make Bella feel like something was slightly off.

“Yes. We are. Why?” Alice asked.

“It’s...there’s probably an explanation that isn’t in the realm of weird eugenics cult but like, dude, I have to ask,” Bella said awkwardly, pausing a few times before just coming out with the question. “Your eyes are literally all the same color. What gives? Does Carlisle only adopt kids with the same eye color as him and his wife? Cus like, it’s almost exactly the same.”

“Would you believe me if I told you it was almost entirely coincidence?” Alice said after a beat.

“Maybe?” Bella said with a frown. “Why?”

“I mean, because it is,” Alice said. Bella frowned as she observed her body language. Something was setting off alarm bells in her brain, and she couldn’t put her finger on what. She trusted Alice well enough, and she was fairly certain that if the Cullens were actually a secret death-murder-cult that she’d already be dead by now, but still. Something was off about this entire conversation.

Something was off about this entire evening.

“Carlisle and Esme don’t specifically go looking for children with amber eyes,” Alice said, her tone conversational but her body language telling a different story. She looked a little too stiff, her movements a little too prepared. “We just all happened to have them. One of those funny little twists of fate.”

“...right. Yeah. Sorry, I was just really confused,” Bella said, trying to brush it all off. She was just wired and anxious from meeting so many new people, that was all. It was a weird coincidence, but weirder things had probably happened.

“It is a bit noticeable isn’t it?” Alice said with a smile.

Now, Alice had smiled quite a lot at Bella over the past month and a half or so.

She had several. She had a smile for when she was rambling about something that interested her, she had one for when she was being mischievous, she had one for when she was laughing, and she had several for varying levels of happiness and excitement.

Bella had gotten used to all of them to some degree.

So it was a bit jarring when the smile that came across Alice’s face was an entirely new one that Bella hadn’t seen before. It was almost a little too wide, and it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Alice was hard to read on a good day, but even with that in mind, her eyes were missing the tell-tale glimmer of all her other smiles.

“It’s getting kind of late,” Bella said quietly, pulling her phone out and checking the time.

“Is it? I must have lost track,” Alice sighed. “I suppose you should be getting home then.”

“Yeah. Charlie might be worrying about me,” Bella chuckled awkwardly.

A few beats of silence passed between them before Alice spoke up.

“Have I...done something wrong?” she asked, her voice small. “I thought we were having fun.”

“You’re fine,” Bella said quickly. “I think I’m just tired. Meeting your family was a bit intense, it’s been a while since I met so many new people in quick succession and actually spent time with them outside of a single lunch period, you know? So my brain is all wired and strung out, and it’s making me see shadows and shit.”

“Alright,” Alice said quietly. “So we’re okay?”

“We’re fine,” Bella reassured her, standing up and reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. “I just need to go home and sleep is all.”

“Okay. I’ll walk you to your truck?” Alice offered.

“I think I know the way back to the front door,” Bella said. “Sorry, I just need a mental reset, you know? It’s been a bit of a week.”

“I understand,” Alice said with a nod. “Still, I’ll at least walk you downstairs, okay?”

“Alright,” Bella said.

Alice led her down the stairs. The house was eerily silent, and Bella felt a shiver go down her spine as they reached the bottom of the steps. That feeling of being stared at rolled over her shoulders and neck again, and she couldn’t help the shudder that went through her.

“You alright?” Alice asked.

“Cold,” Bella said idly. “I’ll be okay.”

“I’ll see you Monday?” Alice asked.

“Yeah! Absolutely. Emmett and Jasper are more than welcome to say hi too, if they want. Did they, I mean, like, do you think your family likes me?” Bella asked, cringing slightly at herself.

Alice smiled warmly, and Bella felt relief as she recognized this one as a real smile.

“I think they were quite thoroughly charmed by you,” Alice replied confidently.

“Cool,” Bella said. “I’m gonna head home. Seeya Alice.”

“Text me when you get home safe,” Alice insisted before turning around and walking up the stairs.

“Totes, yeah,” Bella said quietly, watching Alice’s retreating back for a moment until she disappeared into the upstairs hallway.

Bella took a deep breath before starting to walk back to the front door. It was when she walked through the living room that she saw someone standing by the sliding glass door, having clearly just come in from the outside.

“Oh. Hello. You...must be Bella.”

Edward Cullen was closing the door behind him, and he looked at Bella with a curious expression on his face. He made no move to approach her, and only stared at her from across the room. Bella felt frozen to the spot, her heart starting to hammer in her chest.

She had no idea where the uneasiness in her was coming from, but she immediately felt her palms begin to sweat. The back of her neck felt cold as ice, and she fought the urge to swallow.

“Uh. Yeah. Hi. I was just leaving, sorry to bother you…” Bella said quietly. Edward shook his head slowly.

“You’re not. I’m actually glad I caught you. I heard Alice had invited you over tonight, but I was...unfortunately otherwise occupied,” he said, his soft voice still somehow carrying quite clearly across the room. His voice was almost melodic, and Bella couldn’t help but think that if she were slightly less terrified right now she might think he had a pretty voice.

“Yeah. Carlisle said you were out for a walk,” Bella said, trying to will her feet to start walking again. She tried to inconspicuously rub her palms on her jeans.

“There’s a trail in the woods out back,” Edward said idly, his eyes still firmly locked onto Bella. “I could show you sometime, if you like. It’s...quite peaceful.”

“I’m good. Not really a...woodsy person. Grew up mostly in the desert, yknow,” Bella said with an awkward chuckle.

“Have you ever tried?” Edward asked, tilting his head slightly to the side.

“Uh. Not really. Look, uh, Edward right? I really have to be going home, it’s late and I don’t want to worry my dad…” Bella said, fighting the trembling that was beginning to start in her legs.

“My apologies, please forgive my manners. I completely forgot to introduce myself. Yes, I’m Edward Cullen. It’s lovely to meet you, Bella,” Edward said softly, moving to take a few steps forward. As soon as he did Bella’s legs started working again, and she took a few paces back to match him.

He stopped walking then, and stared at her. An expression Bella couldn’t quite place flicked across his face before it settled into something more neutral, and he gave her a slow nod.

“Please. Don’t let me keep you. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again soon, based on how much my...dear sister talks about you. We can get to know each other later.”

“Yeah. Uh. Maybe. I’m gonna...yeah. Nice meeting you,” Bella said, coughing awkwardly as she finally wrangled back control over her legs and walked out of the living room and down the hall. She found the front door and quickly made her way to her truck, only to find someone standing next to it.

A shock of golden blonde hair was the first thing Bella saw. The second thing she saw was the tapping foot and the crossed arms, and then she heard the grumbling.

“Should be considered a war crime...disgusting...can’t believe this thing is legal on the road…” came various snippets.

“Uh,” Bella cleared her throat. “Hello?”

“Please tell me this isn’t yours,” Rosalie Hale snapped without even turning around. “Because this is a tragedy. I could hear you pull into the driveway. This thing should be put down.”

“Oh-kaaay! First of all, hi I’m Bella! You must be Rosalie, and I can see the talk about you is not unfounded,” Bella said, the insult to her truck somehow managing to both override all the nerves that had built up from her ‘conversation’ with Edward and convert all that energy into pure irritation. “Second of all, not all of us can afford nice cars that sound nice and we have to make do with what we have. Thirdly, this was a gift from my dad. So shove off.”

Rosalie snorted.

“Some gift. This thing should have been dead on its wheels years ago. I have no idea what kind of necromancy was performed on this hunk of metal to get it to move forwards on its own power, but I can guarantee you it’s not going to last. That engine is begging for death.”

“Wow, okay, thank you for that,” Bella said with extremely heavy sarcasm. “Unfortunately for your delicate tastes I have to get home, so unless you’d like to make a donation I’m going to take my franken-truck and go to bed. That cool with you?”

“If Alice wants you to come over again she can pick you up herself. She knows how to drive,” Rosalie grumbled. “This makes me sad to even look at, and frankly I’m worried it’s going to somehow going to infect my own cars through sheer proximity to junk.”

“Jesus what crawled up your ass and died?” Bella grumbled as she pushed past Rosalie to her truck, ignoring the huff of irritation as she did so. “Listen, I’m leaving now. If you have an issue with me coming over in my truck you can take that up with Alice but I’ve only been her friend for like a month and I can already tell you’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell of getting her to do something she doesn’t want to do.”

“Just get this thing out of my sight and don’t bring it around again,” Rosalie hissed. “Or at the very least take it to a mechanic so they can tell you that the damn thing is unsalvageable.”

“I cannot believe I thought you were hot,” Bella muttered under her breath as she flung the door open and climbed into the drivers seat. She slammed the door closed and jammed the keys into the ignition, allowing herself the swell of satisfaction at the disgust present in Rosalie’s body language as she revved the engine up.

“People who make cars feel like that should be thrown in jail!” Rosalie snapped from outside the truck before turning around and walking away.

“Whatever,” Bella muttered.

She took a moment to center herself before getting ready to pull out of the Cullen driveway, but before she did something compelled her to look up and out her window.

Rosalie was still standing there on the front porch, staring at the car with crossed arms and a frown on her face. When she realized Bella was looking at her, her eyes flicked up and made contact with Bella’s own.

The world stopped.

Time stopped.

The entirety of Bella’s perception was suddenly zeroed out except for two small pinpricks in reality that shone golden. Every other Cullen had a pair of amber eyes, that varied slightly in soft, subtle ways, but were all in the same spectrum of honey-orange.

Rosalie’s eyes though, were almost as bright as the sun.

Bella felt like she was both drowning and as though she, for the first time in her life, was truly breathing; as if every intake of oxygen before then had been foggy and contaminated. She barely even registered whether or not her heart was still beating.

Everything around her felt irrelevant, incomplete. Infinitely small and worthless compared to what was in front of her. Everything she knew was contained within the two shards of pure gold that dominated her perception.

And then in a moment it was over.

The spell broke, and Rosalie was gone.

Bella was sitting in her truck with the engine idling, her hands gripping the wheel so tight her knuckles had turned white. There was no sign of any Cullen outside, no indication Rosalie had even been there.

Her heart was pounding and she felt like ice water had just been poured over her.

Suddenly her breathing came in gasps as she realized that she hadn’t actually taken in a breath for several moments, and after her lungs stopped burning Bella shook her head, hard.

“What,” she whispered. “The fuck.”

 

Notes:

This one was really hard to write because I can't decide if this feels too rushed or if lingering too long on the in-between would be too slow. I eventually decided to just move things along, because I'm sure all of you would also rather get closer to the actual progression of certain things. I also ultimately decided to skip the "Bella awkwardly eats dinner by herself at the Cullen house" intended scene because after half a dozen attempts to *write* said scene I've discovered I actually hate it and am never attempting to write one again. Awful experience. Could not make it flow correctly and it just felt silly.

I am rather proud of a few sections though, particularly Bella's meeting with Edward. You know how in a horror movie you sometimes have the 'main girl' end up in the same room as the serial killer without knowing it in the first act of the movie, before things go to shit? That's the sort of vibe I wanted to capture with that scene, and I think I did an excellent job. If you've ever seen 'Get Out' think of the first scene in that movie where the protagonist is around the family for the first time and while nobody is saying anything particularly *wrong* you can just feel this vibe of Wrongness and that some Bad Juju is Up.

Also I love Bella's first meeting with Rosalie. Romance that starts with trading barbs is my favorite type of romance, especially when neither party is even close to thinking about it at the time of first meeting. It always leads to the *funniest* moments when one or both characters realize their own feelings and have that "Oh god FUCKING DAMMIT, *seriously*!??" moment.

Then I really enjoy Bella's internal conflict of noticing all these weird things about the Cullen's and doing that very human thing of trying to make excuses in her own head for when something doesn't meet her predefined expectations of things, as well as watching Alice's own continuing conflict of trying to be as genuine as she can towards Bella without revealing too much too quickly. If they were trying to keep Bella away from the family entirely they wouldn't even be in this position and Alice would be a much more excellent liar, but because the ultimate goal is to invite Bella into the family and tell her everything Alice has to tread carefully.

I also think, especially with having the context of Alice's POV last chapter, you can really see in their conversation during lunch how Alice is *trying* to tell Bella everything without telling her *everything*. It's a fascinating exercise for me trying to write this duality into her character so explicitly.

Anyway I hope you all liked the chapter, please leave comments!! I love comments!!! I like responding to comments! :D

Chapter 6: So I'm Waiting For The Other Foot To Drop (And I'm Waiting For The Ringing In My Head To Stop)

Summary:

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains this fics version of The Port Angeles Scene. You know, That One. The one where Bella almost gets assaulted. Nothing graphic or explicit happens, but Bella is in an unsafe situation before getting bailed out.

~

Bella doesn't know how to process what happened the previous night at the Cullen residence, so on the second day of her weekend she decides to take a break from Cullen weirdness and plunge head-first into a different problem. Meanwhile, she's plagued with mysterious dreams that she can't remember, and a voice that sounds all-too-familiar...

“I think she can hear me now.”

…

“It’s a bit faster. You must have done something different this time.”

…

“It’s still weak. She can hear me, but nothing much past that.”

…

“Yeah. Fingers crossed.”

~~~~~

Bella woke up with a slamming headache, and as she clutched her head and groaned she tried to remember what her dream was about. It was something full of shadows and mist, like she was in some sort of sensory deprivation.

It felt important, but she couldn’t pull it out of her mind.

Blearily rubbing her eyes, she checked her messages on her phone. There were several from Alice, all sent after Bella had arrived home the previous night. She was apologizing for any discomfort Bella felt during the evening, and hoped they would still hang out at school after the weekend.

She was halfway through a reply text when she paused and deleted it all. After what she experienced last night, she needed a break from Cullen weirdness. She looked through her recent messages at the only other two locals that bothered texting her and made a split second decision, firing off a text.

Bella [9:47 a.m.]: yo, I am bored and still have not really been out and about much since getting here. wanna go hang out somewhere?

Her phone buzzed with a reply while she was brushing her teeth.

Lauren [10:01 a.m.]: sure y not, wat wr u thnkn?

Bella [10:03 a.m.]: I have seen your English homework you know. I know you know how to spell words properly.

Lauren [10:05 a.m.]: fk u swan. answer the q.

Bella [10:05 a.m.]: You’re the local here. Is there anything interesting to do around here?

Lauren [10:07 a.m.]: in forks?? fk no. cn c if my mom wl drve to port angeles n we cn hang at the mall mayb?

Bella [10:12 a.m.]: It’s like trying to read hieroglyphs. You know I can drive right? I can pick you up and take us there myself.

Lauren [10:13 a.m.]: o

Lauren [10:13 a.m.]: u r oficly my new fav p rsn if u wl drv me to the mall smtims

Lauren [10:13 a.m.]: u wna inv the grp? or is ths a prvt event

Bella [10:15 a.m.]: Assuming I have no prior plans and you’ll chip in for gas here and there I don’t mind. And I dunno, I only really get along with you and Angela. The other three just also happen to be there during lunch.

Lauren [10:16 a.m.]: mike only is alowd to st w us bcus Jess has a fat lady boner fr him and tyler is his friend so I feel u

Lauren [10:17 a.m.]: tbh I knda mis whn it ws jst me n ange n jess but w/e

Lauren [10:17 a.m.]: so jst us thn? time?

Bella [10:18 a.m.]: Wanna eat out or go after lunch?

Lauren [10:20 a.m.]: fam sez as long as im hom fr dinr can do w/e so wna get lnch somwr?

Bella [10:21 a.m.]: Sure. What’s good?

Lauren [10:22 a.m.]: fkn nthn tht isn’t expnsv bt I know a fw plcs tht won’t giv u fd psning

Bella [10:30 a.m.]: Good enough for me I suppose. I’m ready to swing by whenever so just text me your address when you’re ready and I’ll grab you.

Lauren [10:31 a.m.]: k. gv me lik 15 to pt a fce on n I’ll b rdy.

True to her word, fifteen minutes later Bella’s phone buzzed with an address and she was throwing on a jacket, calling out to Charlie that she’d be home later that evening. He just nodded, barely even looking up from some sports magazine.

She pulled up outside the place, which was only a few streets away from Charlie’s house. It was a typical suburban two-story house, a far cry from the opulent manor she had spent the previous evening in. It was almost a relief to be pulling up to a normal house, and as Lauren walked out the front door Bella could hear her yelling.

“I said I’m gonna be home for dinner! Stop fucking harassing me about it, Mom said it was fine!”

A deep voice yelled something back at her that Bella couldn’t make out, which was replied to with a roll of the eyes and a flipping of the bird by Lauren.

“You’re not my dad, asshole, you’re just my mom’s fucking boyfriend. Get off my dick !” she shouted before slamming the front door and marching over to Bella’s truck, yanking the passenger door open and climbing in. She shut the door a bit roughly, wincing as she did so and crossing her arms, leaning back in the seat, and closing her eyes. She took a few deep breaths before opening her eyes again and facing towards Bella. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to take my piss-off out on your trucks door, I hope I didn’t hurt it. He just pisses me off.”

“No big,” Bella said quietly as she reversed out of the driveway and onto the road. They were quiet for only a few minutes before Lauren started ranting.

“He thinks just because my mom lets him stick his fucking nasty-ass dick in her that he gets to boss me around. Like, absolutely the fuck not dude. Tried to get all high and mighty on me about how I don’t spend any time at home anymore, like he would fucking know. Fucking piece of shit asshole.”

“Damn,” Bella murmured sympathetically, grimacing. “I’m sorry you have to deal with that.”

“Yeah. Your parents are divorced right?” Lauren asked, frowning in thought.

“Uh. Yeah,” Bella replied.

“Either of them ever get a new girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever that tried to get all fucking, parental on your ass way too fucking soon? Like they just expect you to be all ass-kiss just cus they’re fucking your parent?” Lauren asked, huffing and adjusting in her seat. She also finally remembered to pull her seatbelt on, and Bella let out a sigh of relief.

“To be honest I’m not really sure Charlie is aware that other women exist,” Bella murmured. Lauren snorted in amusement.

“I can’t believe you call your dad by his name. That’s so weird. He lets you do that?” she asked.

Bella shrugged.

“I mean, I left Forks when I was like. I dunno, eight? I don’t really remember a lot of my early childhood, so all I know of him is a few vague memories and the once or twice a month phone conversations. Calling him ‘Dad’ would just be weird at this point I think. For both of us, actually.”

“Huh. I couldn’t imagine calling my mom ‘Jennifer’ to her face,” Lauren said, shuddering. “What about your mom, then? Since you lived with her? Any of her boyfriends try any shit?”

Bella thought about Phil for a moment.

“No. She only had the one, she’s still with him actually, and he was...fine. I don’t really know him very well,” Bella said. “He’s a baseball player. I think we had a conversation once where he told me that he’d like to marry my mom one day and asked if I’d be open to thinking about him as another parent, but to be honest I don’t actually remember what I told him.”

“Hope you told him to shove it,” Lauren grumbled.

“He’s not that bad,” Bella sighed. “He’s certainly a much better fit for my mom than Charlie was, at any rate.”

“What is your mom like anyway? You don’t talk about her much,” Lauren observed. “Do you miss her?”

“Jeez, what is this, therapy hour with Bella?” Bella groaned. Lauren laughed.

“You don’t have to tell me. I’m just like, curious. Not a lot of other children of divorce in a small town like Forks, yanno? I mean, there’s plenty of couples with kids around here that totally should split but you know how it is. Small, kinda conservative town, divorce is a pretty big no-no. I have no clue how Chief Swan got away with it and nobody even mentions it half the time.”

Bella was quiet for a moment before shrugging.

“I dunno. Am I a bad person if I say no?” she asked quietly.

“Nah. I don’t miss my dad at all,” Lauren said. “He’s kind of a jerk.”

“I’m sorry,” Bella said.

Lauren lightly swatted her thigh.

“Shut the fuck up, Swan. Don’t apologize for shit you didn’t do. My dad’s just a twat and even my mom eventually realized it, horrible taste in men notwithstanding.”

Bella chuckled.

“It was a sympathy sorry, but I rescind it then.”

“If you want to express sympathy you should join me in trashing shitty parents and tell me why you don’t miss your mom,” Lauren said.

“Do I have to?” Bella asked, rapidly starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the subject. “I don’t really…”

“No you don’t have to but I’m gonna be curious until you tell me,” Lauren sighed. “Is she like a druggie or something?”

“What!? No!”

“Hooker?”

“Lauren!”

“...Dominatrix?”

Bella sputtered and couldn’t even form words in response to that one, which caused Lauren to immediately start cackling and slapping her knee.

“ Fuck you should have seen your face,” Lauren said through weak giggles after a moment. “That was great.”

“My mother is not a dominatrix!” Bella groaned.

“I know. You probably would be way less uptight if she was,” Lauren commented.

“Uptight!?”

“Duh. Every day I see you you’re so wound up I’m surprised you can sit still. You really need to learn how to chill.”

“You know, maybe I should just take you home if you’re gonna be so mean to me,” Bella grumbled.

“Oh boo you. Fine, I’ll let it go. We’re like halfway there anyway, it’d be a waste to turn back at this point,” Lauren said, waving her hand dismissively. “Let’s switch topics then. You’ve been here almost two months now, got your eye on anyone?”

Bella’s heart skipped a beat and she coughed, hard. Lauren’s eyebrows immediately shot up and a shit-eating grin started to spread across her face.

“Spill. Spill spill spill. Tell me right now who it is,” she insisted.

“There’s nothing to spill!” Bella insisted.

“You’re a shit liar. Spill.”

“Oh my god you’re insufferable,” Bella groaned.

Lauren just shrugged.

They were on the outskirts of the city, and Bella figured this was as good an opening as ever to get some more probing questions in. She had no idea why she wanted to do this of all things instead of just texting Alice back, but anything to distract herself from whatever the hell happened yesterday, she supposed.

“Can I ask you a question?” Bella asked, feeling her throat start to dry up and her heart speed up from the anxiety.

“Swan have you heard the questions I’ve been asking you? I’ve been waiting for you to fire back this whole damn drive. Hit me,” Lauren said, crossing her arms.

“The other day,” Bella said slowly. “Why’d you have to use that word to describe Mrs. Pierce's outfit?”

Lauren blinked and looked quite thoroughly caught off guard. She didn’t immediately blurt out defensiveness or accusations though, so Bella felt the smallest amount of relief hit her shoulders. But she still felt like her stomach was about to turn inside-out.

“Okay. Definitely not the question I expected,” Lauren said slowly. “Uh...you mean, what, saying she looked like a massive lesbo?”

“No, dumbass,” Bella grumbled, flexing her fingers on the steering wheel. “You said she looked like a dyke .”

“Oh. Why the fuck is everyone so up my ass about that, jeezus,” Lauren grumbled. “Angela texted me a whole fucking paragraph after school about it, it was obnoxious.”

“Maybe because it’s like, a slur?” Bella said, her voice heavy with exasperation.

“Oh for the love of – it’s a word, Bella,” Lauren sighed. “Is that why you were so fucking weird the next day?”

“So what if I was?!” Bella asked, trying to force her eyes to not water.

Lauren actually seemed to react to that. She uncrossed her arms and seemed unsure what to do with her hands for a moment before clasping them in her lap and leaning back in her seat, staring directly out the windshield in total silence for a while.

She didn’t speak again until Bella had pulled into the mall parking lot and pulled the ignition. They were sat in silence for a few moments until she broke it.

“My dad’s gay. He actually cheated on my mom with another dude, which is why I’m not too fond of him. The cheating part, not – not the...the gay part,” Lauren mumbled. “My mom’s not too fond of either one though.”

“And you?” Bella asked, not looking at her.

Lauren shrugged.

“I dunno. I mean, when I was a kid my parents didn’t talk about it. I didn’t even know gay people existed until I was like, twelve. And before my dad left, my mom took the kinda approach of like, ‘love the sinner hate the sin’ about it to explain how she thought I should feel, you know?”

Bella didn’t say anything as she waited for Lauren to keep talking.

“After my dad left though my mom kinda went a little nuts. Anytime the topic would come up on the news or in a TV show she was watching or whatever I’d have to listen to her rant about how it was unnatural and how they shouldn’t be showing that shit to kids, and uh...nastier stuff .”

Lauren sighed and shook her head.

“I mean, whatever. I dunno. Words are just words, dude, and my mom uses a lot of them. But they don’t really mean anything. She’s never like, done anything bad to someone because of her beliefs.”

“Words do mean things, Lauren,” Bella said quietly. When Lauren snorted, Bella turned to face her and stared her dead in the face. “I’m serious. Think about it for a second, what if that was you? What if you were gay? How do you think your mom would react to that, based on the words she says so often?” she said, her voice firmer and louder.

Lauren thought about it for a moment and frowned, crossing her arms again over her stomach.

“I dunno. She’d...I’m not, though. So. Like. It doesn’t matter,” she muttered eventually.

“So the fact that she tosses the word dyke around when she talks about how ‘unnatural’ we are doesn’t fucking matter!?” Bella blurted out, before immediately clapping her hand over her mouth and turning away.

She could feel Lauren jolt upright in her seat, and she could feel her eyes on her. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced down the overwhelming swell of nausea she felt in her guts, no longer able to keep the focus on the tears that were now pushing their way out of the corners of her eyes. She gagged lightly and was barely able to keep it down.

“Shit - “ she heard Lauren mutter, and then she felt movement in the truck. She heard the unclipping of a seatbelt and then there were hands in her hair, pulling it into a rough ponytail and slipping a scrunchie around it. “Fucking shit Swan how is your truck the one truck in Forks not full of takeout and grocery bags and shit. Why is this thing so fucking clean?”

Tears were streaming down her face now, leaving wet, burning trails on her cheeks and chin. Lauren’s rustling around the truck eventually stopped and Bella felt the fabric of a sleeve being brushed on her face, wiping her tears away.

“I’d tell you to breathe but I feel like you’d rather focus on not puking your guts out right now so…” Lauren muttered.

There were a few more close calls that Bella barely kept down, even though her throat burned from the stomach acid that kept bubbling up. Tears continued to stream down her face, and every minute or so she would feel Lauren’s sleeve on her face.

Eventually she was able to take her hand away from her mouth, pulling her knees up to her chest and pressing her forehead into them, wrapping her arms around her calves.

“Has the immediate threat of re-breakfast all over your truck passed?” Lauren asked.

Bella just gave a single, jerky nod.

“Cool,” Lauren said awkwardly. She was quiet again for a few moments before she kept talking. “Look, Bella, I don’t really know what to like. Say? But, I mean, I guess I’m sorry. For like, upsetting you and shit. I still think it’s kind of dumb to be that upset by words but, I mean...I dunno. I guess I get it.”

“Yippee. Glad you think I’m stupid,” Bella grumbled into her legs.

“That’s not what I fucking said, dumbass,” Lauren snapped.

“You just called me a dumbass.”

“Yeah, that time you were being a dumbass cus that’s not what I said! Dumbass!” Lauren grumbled. “I don’t think you’re stupid. I just think...like...ugh, dude, I dunno. I came here expecting to go shopping with my new friend not be forced to think shitty things about the one parent I have that I thought was cool.”

“Sorry,” Bella said automatically.

“I’m gonna hit you again if you keep doing that,” Lauren snapped. “Look, I don’t wanna fucking talk about this anymore so can we like, ceasefire here?”

“I dunno, can we?” Bella asked quietly after a moment. “I’m getting a lot of mixed signals here.”

Lauren groaned loudly and dragged her hands down her face.

“Fuck youuuu so much Swan,” Lauren sighed. “Look, whatever, you’re a fuckin...you’re gay, I guess. I’m not fucking stupid. I don’t care how gung-ho for the alphabet crew you are, nobody that isn’t... that is gonna get this upset over this shit. I’m not gonna like, string you up over it or whatever, so can we be chill for the rest of the day and go get some fucking lunch?”

“That depends on if you can at least keep your ‘just words’ away from me ,” Bella muttered.

“What do you want me to say, Swan, huh? I’ve never actually known a gay person before except the jerk who cheated on my mom so forgive me if I’m a little fucking weird about it,” Lauren said, lightly shoving Bella’s shoulder.

“Maybe he cheated on her because she’s homophobic?” Bella snarked.

“Oh I so wanna smack you right now,” Lauren groaned.

Bella shrugged.

Another ten minutes of silence passed before Lauren sighed again.

“Okay. Maybe I’m a bit of a bitch for saying mean words, and if certain words are actually gonna make people think I believe a certain way when I fucking don’t then I’ll stop saying them. I guess. And I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

“I mean I’d rather you ditch the entire ‘just words’ mindset but I’ll take what I can get,” Bella sighed.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m not done yet,” Lauren said, poking Bella’s cheek. “I am sorry I hurt you that way. You’re kinda cool and I only like hurting my friends in like, funny ways that don’t matter. Which that wasn’t.”

“Kay. The acceptance of your apology is pending,” Bella said.

“...on?” Lauren asked, frowning.

“Whether or not you agree with what your mom says,” Bella shrugged. “To be frank I’ve kinda had enough of that shit in my life and I’m like, not gonna be your gay person therapist. So if you do think that way I think I’ll just call it quits here and we can just pretend this never happened and not speak again.”

“Oh come the fuck on Bella,” Lauren snapped, scowling at her. “D’you think that if I genuinely thought you were some unnatural affront to God that I’d be sitting here with your weepy pukey ass apologizing to you and trying to make you fucking feel better ?”

“...maybe?” Bella said with another shrug.

“...Jesus you’re damaged,” Lauren grumbled. “Well, for the record, I fucking don’t . I think it’s weird and I can’t even imagine doing it myself but like, you can do whatever the fuck you want as long as you aren’t gonna start hitting on me.”

“Luckily for you I’m not into catty bitches,” Bella snapped back.

“Who are you into then?” Lauren asked curiously. “Is it that Cullen chick? The little one you always hang out with when you aren’t with us? Alice? Isn’t she fucking her brother?”

“What!? No! We’re just friends! And can you stop it with that rumor!?” Bella yelped.

“Alright, alright, jeez, kill a girl for asking a question why don’t you,” Lauren grumbled, but it was back to her normal levels of grumbling. “And I’d love to stop as soon as she stops making ‘fuck-me’ eyes at him in the cafeteria! It’s weird , dude!”

Bella didn’t actually have a good response to that, because Alice did make eyes at Jasper at school. Constantly. Despite Bella telling her multiple times that her doing so was not helping with the rumors .

“That doesn’t actually answer my question by the way. What is your type? There’s probably at least one other lesbian in Forks. Maybe even two, depending on how much you care about age gaps. You’re like, already legal though so I guess it doesn’t matter,” Lauren said, frowning and tapping her chin.

“Okay, okay, can you go back to being vaguely homophobic? I think I’d rather have that instead of you trying to set me up on a date with someone’s gay aunt,” Bella said, making a ‘yuck’ face.

“See that’s exactly the wrong type of information to give me because now I definitely need to do exactly that,” Lauren said with a shit-eating grin.

Bella smacked her forehead against the steering wheel and groaned.

“Why is my life nothing but suffering? Exactly how many puppies did I kick in a previous life to deserve this? Why does everyone I make friends with insist on being mean to me!?”

“Tough shit Ellen, now come on, I’m fucking starving,” Lauren said, patting Bella’s back lightly before moving to get out of the truck.

“Alright, I’m coming,” Bella said, unbuckling her seatbelt before her brain fully finished processing what Lauren had just said. “Okay absolutely the fuck not we are not doing that nickname - “

~~~~~

The rest of the day, to Bella’s surprise, had gone well so far. Lauren had led her to a small hole-in-the-wall that made passable sandwiches for lunch, and then they spent a couple hours in the mall as Bella was dragged from clothing store to clothing store.

Physically dragged.

It was a bit odd at first, Bella thought, but then she caught Lauren giving her a bit of a deliberate look before grabbing her wrist to drag her over to look at a rack of skirts, and she started to piece together what was going on.

With Angela and Jessica, Lauren wasn’t exactly a touchy-feely-huggy sort of person, but she had no issues with plenty of light physical contact with the two of them. Smacking their arms, dragging them by the hand to show them something, small gestures of comfort and friendship that she was now being very deliberate with in her inclusion of Bella.

Lauren might be abrasive and catty, and clearly unable to verbally communicate her emotions with any coherence whatsoever, but Bella felt a soft warmth in her core at the very definitive demonstration that Lauren didn’t care about Bella’s orientation and that she was going to treat her exactly the same way she treated Angela and Jessica.

In fact they ended up having such a good time that they completely lost track of it, and only noticed when Lauren looked at her phone and went a little pale.

“I’m soooo fucking dead,” she whispered.

“What’s up?” Bella asked.

“Dude it is eight at night . I missed dinner by like two hours , my mom is going to bury me in the backyard!” Lauren exclaimed, grimacing.

“Fuck. Alright, well, let’s wrap up here and get the hell out of here,” Bella said. They quickly gathered their things and made their way out of the mostly-empty mall. There were still a few cars left in the parking lot, but it was mostly very empty and very quiet.

They were walking back to the truck, tiredly chatting about something inconsequential when the hairs on the back of Bella’s neck stood up. Her pace slowed and Lauren looked confused as she matched her.

Bella took the bags she was holding and put them on her wrist, freeing up her hand to grab Lauren’s forearm.

“Swan what the - “

“Shut the fuck up and keep walking,” Bella said under her breath. “The guy on our left has been following us since we came out of Macy’s.”

“Who - “ Lauren started to turn her head, then winced and hissed in pain as Bella dug her fingernails into her arm.

“Don’t fucking look at him you idiot! I don’t want him to know we spotted him,” Bella hissed. “Listen. We’re only a couple dozen feet away from the truck, and I don’t think he knows which car is ours. We keep walking and get as close to it as we can, and if shit starts getting dicey, we run. Drop shit if you need to. Understand?”

“Fucking...yes,” Lauren hissed, mirroring Bella’s actions of hanging the bags she was carrying off her wrist so she could loop her arm around Bella’s.

Out of the corner of her eye, on her other side, Bella saw movement and her heart started to beat faster.

“Shit,” she muttered.

“What now!?” Lauren hissed.

“I think there’s two of them,” Bella muttered. “Just keep walking. Almost there.”

“I’m gonna shit myself,” Lauren groaned.

“Just keep walking. Everything’s going to be okay,” Bella said soothingly.

They were eight cars away when it all started going to shit.

“Hey! You girls need a ride home!” the first guy called out. They ignored him at first, and his second shout was a bit angrier. “Hey! You got a fuckin’ problem?”

“Stuff it up your dickhole!” Lauren shouted back. Bella winced and groaned internally, getting ready to drop her things and run. But Lauren planted her feet, causing Bella’s panic to go into overdrive and write over her logical responses. What the fuck was she doing!?

“Sheesh girl I’m just trying to be friendly! Don’t you wanna make friends in life?” the guy responded, speeding up his walking a little.

“Hey asswipe, my friends dad is the Forks Chief of Police so you should really fuck off,” Lauren drawled. Bella wanted to scream at her.

The guy paused just for a moment, before looking over at the other person Bella thought she saw.

“What d’you think man? Sounds like shit to me.”

“I think they’re full of it,” the other guy laughed.

Bella could see her own panic mirrored on Lauren’s face as she realized her gambit wasn’t working, and she tried to tug Lauren’s arm. They were only a few cars away, they had to -

“Hey! Let go of my shit!” Lauren yelped. The second guy had reached out to the bags she was carrying, and was holding onto one of the handles.

“C’mon, just let me help carry it to your car. I mean, that’s a man’s job right, carry his girls bags?” he asked, grinning sleazily at her.

“I’m not your fucking girl,” Lauren said, the edge in her voice slowly being replaced with a light tremble.

“Yeah? That sucks, you’re real pretty. I’d sure like for you to be,” the guy said, his grin not fading in the slightest. He lifted his hand, clearly reaching out for Lauren’s face when another voice cut through the air, clear and loud.

“What the fucks going on here?”

Bella felt her legs almost immediately turn to jelly as she recognized the voice. The two guys looked up and down the parking lot at the speaker, and the incredulity in their faces almost wiped away the sleaze.

“Hey there! Nothing’s going on, we’re just helping get our girls shopping to the car. Women and their clothes, you know?” the first guy said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, no, I don’t think so,” came the reply, with footsteps quickly following.

“We don’t fucking know these guys!” Lauren managed to shout.

The guy still holding onto Lauren’s bags made a grab for her, but the moment he did a loud crack echoed through the lot and he crumpled to the ground, his grip slackening on Lauren, who immediately took several steps back, taking Bella with her.

Rosalie Hale stood over the knocked-out man’s body, arms crossed as she glared daggers at the other man.

“You should probably get your buddy to the hospital. He’s got a bit of a concussion,” she hissed.

The man looked from his friend to Rosalie and puffed up his chest, and when Rosalie raised a questioning eyebrow at him he pulled a knife out of his waistband.

“Oh come on ,” Rosalie muttered. “It’s a public fucking parking lot. I know it’s mostly empty right now but still , how stupid are you?”

“Sh-shut the fuck up, bitch!” the man said before rushing forward. Bella barely blinked before another loud crack was heard and the first man joined his friend on the ground, with Rosalie shaking her hand out and blowing on her knuckles.

“Holy shit,” Lauren breathed after a moment. “You just knocked those guys out cold .”

“Yeah, well, they were asking for it,” Rosalie muttered, crossing her arms again and turning towards Bella. Bella refused to meet her eyes, instead gripping tightly onto Lauren’s arm and keeping her eyes firmly pointed at Rosalie’s shoulder.

She saw Rosalie’s stance stiffen further, and when she gripped tighter onto Lauren she saw Rosalie’s lip curl slightly for only a moment before it passed and Rosalie was pulling a cell phone out.

“I should probably call the cops,” she muttered. “But instead I’m just going to call Carlisle.”

“Why not call the cops!? These fuckers should be locked up!” Lauren blurted out. Rosalie pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Because I just gave these two excellent examples of humanity severe concussions and the cops can arrest them at the hospital just as easily as the parking lot,” Rosalie said patiently. She held the phone up to her ear and waited.

When Carlisle picked up, she started talking quickly.

“Got two for you. Yeah. Yeah. I’ll take care of them. No. I will take care of them. Yeah. Bye. See you soon.”

The phone was quickly back in her pocket and she was stepping over the unconscious men towards Lauren and Bella. When she was in front of them she bent over slightly.

“Mind if I touch your face?” she asked Lauren.

“What for?” Lauren asked suspiciously.

“I want to check you for shock. So I’m gonna check your pulse with your neck and look at your pupils, and I’m gonna ask you a few questions,” Rosalie explained patiently. Lauren slowly nodded, and Rosalie gently grasped her chin to hold her head in place as she took her pulse.

“What’s your name?” she asked.

“Lauren.”

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“Birthday?”

“Twelfth of April.”

“What’s twelve plus thirty-five?”

Lauren was quiet for a few seconds before answering.

“Uh. Forty-seven?”

Rosalie nodded and let her go.

“You seem okay. Obviously your pulse is up but that’s normal, but otherwise you seem alright enough to go home.”

“Okay, uh...what about Bella? She’s my ride,” Lauren said, looking at Bella and wincing a little. “And uh, she’s also kind of making my arm go numb. Oh and I guess she’s my friend and I’d like to make sure she’s okay too?”

Rosalie was quiet for a moment.

Bella looked down at the asphalt.

Slowly, Rosalie moved to stand in front of her and knelt down. Bella still refused to look at her eyes and focused on the asphalt behind her.

“Bella,” Rosalie said slowly, her voice even and quiet. “I’m going to touch your arm now, okay?”

Bella didn’t respond.

She felt cold fingers gently grasp her forearm and move it into a position where they could move to her wrist, feeling for her pulse. Her skin burned at the touch and Bella felt a powerful urge to collapse, to let go of Lauren and simply fall to the ground.

“Is she okay?” Lauren asked, a note of distress entering her voice.

“She’s in severe shock,” Rosalie said, her voice still completely level. “Very normal after a traumatic incident like that, but she’s definitely much worse for wear than average. Can you help get her...no, ugh, you said she was your ride?”

“Yeah, I can’t drive, I only have a permit,” Lauren fretted.

“Shit,” Rosalie grumbled. “Hold on.”

She pulled her phone out again and made another call.

“Hi. It’s me. Come get your pet human. Bring Emmett, we need three licensed drivers. You take her to Carlisle, Emmett can take her friend home, and I’ll...bring the monster back to her father after finishing up here. No. No. Stop trying to argue with me.”

She hung up immediately after that.

“Okay. That will be solved momentarily. Where did you park?”

Lauren pointed towards the truck. Rosalie nodded.

“I’m this way. Listen, my brother and sister are coming to help. I have to bundle these two chucklefucks into my backseat and take them to the hospital, my sister’s gonna take care of Bella and my brother Emmett is gonna drive you home. Alright?”

“Uh. Okay,” Lauren said nervously, taking another look at Bella. “Will...will she be okay? She’s had like, a really hard day already and it’s kinda partially my fault and I feel really bad…”

“She’ll be fine,” Rosalie said shortly. “Severe shock can make people...check out for a while. She probably needs to be monitored and she’ll probably have the mother of all panic attacks when she comes out of it, but she’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Um, she throws up when she has panic attacks so make sure she has a bag or a trash can,” Lauren said. “And she likes eating Ritz crackers afterwards to help with the aftertaste. She also prefers Sprite to ginger ale, she says ginger ale makes her tongue feel all dry and wonky.”

Somewhere in the recesses of Bella’s consciousness, she felt somewhat flattered that Lauren had noticed so many things about her and actually seemed to care so much. But mostly she was busy ignoring Rosalie.

A few more short words were exchanged between Lauren and Rosalie, but eventually they quieted down until a car pulled into the lot and slowly came to a stop next to them. The passenger side door was quickly flung open to reveal Alice, who shot out of the car like a cannonball and skidded to a halt next to Bella.

“Oh my gosh oh my gods oh my gods are you okay is everything alright what’s happened Bella?” Alice fretted, and suddenly her hands were everywhere, holding onto Bella’s arm and gently cupping her face, threading her fingers through her hair, checking her pulse in multiple places.

Lauren made a bit of a face but didn’t make any comments as Alice fussed. Rosalie’s face was stony as Emmett walked over to her.

“Oh boy,” Emmett sighed as he spotted the two crumpled bodies. “Are we…?”

“I am,” Rosalie said quietly. “Take her home.”

“Okie-dokie,” Emmett sighed. He turned to Lauren and smiled easily. “Hey. Lauren, right? I know you from school? I’m Emmett. Let’s get you home, yeah?”

“Uh...yeah,” Lauren said warily, taking one last look at Bella.

“She’ll be alright. Alice is gonna take her to our dad, he’s a doctor and he’s on shift at the hospital right now,” Emmett said patiently as he took Lauren’s bags from her. “Right now let’s get you home, I’m sure your parents are worried sick about you.”

Lauren snorted as she followed Emmett to the car.

“Not fucking likely, I’d be surprised if you saw me at school the next day…” she muttered as she walked. Emmett frowned and started asking her questions, but Bella couldn’t hear them once they got into the car.

Then it was her and the Cullen sisters.

“Take my car,” Rosalie said to Alice, tossing her a set of keys. “Scratch it and I kill you.”

“Rose I really think you should - “

“Kill. You.”

Alice and Rosalie entered a glare-off where their expressions seemed to make constant micro-adjustments. Bella almost thought she could see their lips moving a little bit, as if they were whispering to each other.

Eventually their stand-off ended with Alice huffing loudly and carefully looping one arm through Bella’s and using her other hand to gather up the things that Bella had dropped.

“Come on Bella. Carlisle should look you over, okay?” she said gently.

Bella didn’t respond, but she allowed herself to be led to Rosalie’s car and bundled into the passenger seat. Alice put her things in the back and buckled her in before getting into the driver’s seat. As they drove off, Bella saw Rosalie out the car window hefting one of the unconscious men over her shoulder in a fireman’s carry.

They were quiet all the way to the hospital.

~~~~~

Bella could hear them outside of her room.

“Severe shock...suspected post-traumatic stress incident...physically not a scratch, but mentally…”

Carlisle Cullen had given her a cursory inspection with Alice hovering, and had declared her perfectly fine, physically. They set her up in a bed and left her mostly alone, but Bella knew Alice hadn’t moved from outside her door.

Charlie was out there now, Bella knew. She had heard his voice asking Carlisle what happened, and now Carlisle was speaking to him.

A few minutes later the door opened and Charlie came up to the bedside, sighing heavily as he reached out to run a hand through Bella’s hair.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said quietly. “I’m gonna take you home now, alright? Carlisle’s other daughter, Rosalie, she dropped your truck off for you so don’t worry about that.”

Bella nodded. Charlie sighed in relief that she was at least somewhat responsive, and helped her out of the bed.

As he led her out of the room and down the hallway, Bella looked up.

Alice was standing next to Carlisle, and both of them were staring after her.

Jasper was there too. An arm around Alice’s shoulders, and he too was staring after Bella with concern etched onto his face. Leaning against the wall, shadowed behind them, was Edward. He wasn’t turned directly towards her, but she could practically feel his eyes flicking in her direction.

She couldn’t tell if it was nice of them all to worry, or if it was entirely too strange.

~~~~~

Bella’s dreams that night were fitful.

~~~

“Don’t know...she’s there, but I can’t…”

…

“Bella, can you hear me?”

…

“Bella?”

…

“I’m almost positive she can hear me but I’m getting nothing back...interference should be gone now, I don’t know…”

…

“Bella. Bella, if you can hear me, I just need you to take a few more steps. You’re almost there.”

…

“You know you can’t. It has to be me. I’m sorry.”

…

“Bella, talk to me. Just a few more steps. Bella?”

…

“Bella?”

~~~

“ Bella?”

Bella flung herself forwards in her bed, her lungs burning with panic as she heaved breath in and out of them. Hands were immediately on her back stroking small circles as she breathed, and when she calmed down enough to remember where she was, she looked with confusion at their owner.

“I came after school to check if you were okay. We’re all really worried about you,” Lauren said meekly. She was sat on Bella’s bed next to her. “Sorry to wake you up like that, but you were tossing and turning really badly. Your dad opened the door when I knocked and said I could come upstairs and see if you were awake, and when I knocked on the door I thought I heard you crying. So uh, I came in. Sorry.”

Bella stared blankly for a few moments before letting out a long, steady breath and nodding.

“Yeah, hey,” she rasped. She coughed a few times to clear her throat. “I’m uh, yeah. Hanging in there. Are you okay?”

“I’m a lot better than you,” Lauren observed, grimacing sympathetically. “You kinda just shut down there. Not that like, I blame you or whatever, that shit was fucking scary. I guess you got home okay though. The little Cullen was really fussing over you.”

Bella blinked.

“Yeah, uh, Alice does that. She’s a good...a good friend,” Bella said, frowning as she ran through things in her head. Didn’t she just…?

Her dream.

It felt important again.

“I guess she’s not all that bad,” Lauren mumbled. “I uh, I saw her in the hallway today and she looked kinda fucked up. I asked her if she knew anything about you and she just shook her head.”

“I should text her,” Bella said idly. Lauren started talking again, informing Bella of everything ‘interesting’ that happened that she missed out on today, but Bella’s mind was elsewhere.

What was that dream again?

She felt like she should remember it.

Her mind flickered back to the previous evening. She ran her hand up the spots on her arm where Rosalie had touched her, and remembered the burning feeling on her skin.

“Hey,” she said quietly, interrupting Lauren mid-sentence. “I really appreciate you coming to check on me, but I think I’m still like...yknow…”

“You...oh, yeah, totally,” Lauren said, quickly standing up and straightening herself out. “I uh, yeah. I hope you feel better soon, and shit.”

“Yeah. You too,” Bella said quietly. “I’ll text you okay?”

“Okay,” Lauren nodded. She made to leave Bella’s room before pausing and turning around. “Hey uh...just like, for what it’s worth, despite the shitty bookends, I had fun hanging out with you. You’re like...kinda cool, and stuff.”

Bella gave her a wan smile.

“You sure you’re okay? I think someone should make sure that you haven’t been pod-peopled and that the real Lauren isn’t buried in her mom’s backyard,” Bella snarked lightly.

Lauren chuckled.

“Yeah okay fuck you too Swan. You better text me updates on how you’re doing or I’m gonna bury you back there with her,” Lauren said, rolling her eyes.

“ I will,” Bella said quietly.

Lauren nodded and left her room, closing the door gently behind her.

Bella got her phone out and texted Alice.

Bella [5:02 p.m.]: Hey.

Alice [5:02 p.m.]: Bella hi hello are you okay!? Do you need anything? Do you want me to come over and sit with you or cheer you up?

Bella smiled softly.

Bella [5:02 p.m.]: I’m alive. Thanks for the help last night.

Alice [5:02 p.m.]: Of course!! Anything you need! How are you holding up though?

Bella [5:05 p.m.]: Like I said, I’m alive. All I can really ask for right now. I’ll be fine, that was just...let’s just say it was an all-too-familiar situation.

Alice [5:05 p.m.]: :(((((

Alice [5:05 p.m.]: Just remember that you are loved and that people care about you and that you can always reach out if you need anything. Is it okay if I give Emmett and Jasper your number? They keep asking me about you.

Bella [5:08 p.m.]: Yeah that’s fine. You can tell Emmett that I said not to worry, this won’t affect my Mario Kart skills and I’ll still beat his ass no matter how much he practices. It’s my god-given gift.

Alice [5:10 p.m.]: Emmett says ‘I’m glad she’s alright but it is SO on’. He’s probably about to text you now.

Sure enough, a new number popped up on Bella’s notifications only a few seconds after Alice’s text arrived.

Unknown Number [5:10 p.m.]: JUST U WAIT SWAN I AM GONNA TRAIN LIKE GOKU FOR THIS

Bella laughed and shook her head.

Bella [5:11 p.m.]: I’m gonna beat you so bad you’ll feel ashamed to own thumbs.

Emmett [5:14 p.m.]: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Then another new text a few moments after that.

Unknown Number [5:10 p.m.]: Hello Bella. This is Jasper Hale. I’m glad to hear from Alice that your condition is improving, and I wanted to offer my sympathies for the experience you went through the other night.

Bella [5:11 p.m.]: Aw thanks Jasper. I’m just glad your sister was there to help. I’ll be alright though.

Jasper [5:13 p.m.]: I’m glad about that too. Feel free to let us know if you need anything at all. We’re all here to help you if you need it.

Bella [5:14 p.m.]: Jeez, way to make a girl feel like she left an impression on all of you.

Jasper [5:14 p.m.]: What can I say? You’re easy to care about.

Bella [5:15 p.m.]: Yknow, I think that’s the sweetest compliment I’ve ever been given. Thank you Jasper, seriously.

Jasper [5:16 p.m.]: You’re very welcome.

Bella stretched out and stood up. She needed to eat something. Her stomach felt like a hollow pit.

When she went downstairs, she saw a folded up piece of paper on the counter with her name written on it. Frowning, she picked it up and took a look. Charlie walked into the kitchen, pausing in surprise when he saw her and then smiling in relief.

“Glad to see you up and about. Lauren said you were up now and talking.”

“Yeah, hey Charlie. What’s this?” Bella asked, frowning.

“Oh, that girl Rosalie left that on your truck I think. It was there after she brought it back,” Charlie commented. “Nice girl. Gave me a few pointers about the truck, said the engine was going bad. I made a note to talk to Billy about it, I remember him mentioning something about not being able to find the best engine in time for you to get here.”

Bella opened the note.

“Dear Truck Abuser -

I have delivered your abomination to your home without causing it any further suffering. I would request that you feel a sufficient level of gratitude that I tolerated its presence long enough to do so.

The men who caused me to be in close proximity with your ungodly behemoth have been dealt with and will not be seeing the light of day for a long time if I have my way about it.

I don’t like you or the way you treat cars but nobody should have to go through that. I hope you feel alright soon.

- Rosalie Hale”

“ What’d she say?” Charlie asked curiously.

Bella snorted.

“She gave me a preemptive ‘you’re welcome’ for taking my truck home and told me that the assholes from yesterday are gonna be locked up. She hopes I feel better soon,” Bella said, folding up the note and tucking it into her pocket.

“Good. Serves them right. She told me about what happened when she dropped your truck off,” Charlie said, a dark look crossing his face. “I’m glad it was her dealing with it and not me. I’m not so sure I’d have a job right now otherwise.”

“Ah c’mon Charlie, how many years have you been doing this? I’m sure you know all the tricks,” Bella said, snickering lightly. Charlie rolled his eyes.

“I’m just glad they didn’t actually touch you,” he grumbled lowly.

Bella softened and walked around the counter, standing side by side with him and putting an arm gingerly around his waist, bumping her hip against his.

“I’m alright,” she said quietly. “Hell of a mental setback but, I’m alright. It could have been a lot worse, and thankfully Rosalie was there to punch their lights out.”

“Oh is that what she did?” Charlie said, his face brightening immensely. “She just said she got them arrested. I’m much happier with this knowledge now.”

“Oh yeah. Fucking knocked them right across the skull with one punch,” Bella said with a wry chuckle. “Girl might not look it but she must have a freakin’ cannon hiding in that arm.”

Charlie grinned and lightly ruffled Bella’s hair.

“Sounds like my kind of girl,” he laughed. “Now, what do you say we get some dinner? There’s this new Chinese place I keep hearing about…”

Bella groaned at the thought of cheap Chinese food but allowed Charlie to cajole her into it. The entire time she was eating though, she couldn’t stop her mind from circling back and forth between two things.

The note in her pocket, and the dream she couldn’t remember.

And behind both of them, a looming sense that something big was on the horizon. It was a vague, hazy sensation, one that Bella attributed mostly to anxiety and latent neuron-firings from her PTSD episode the previous evening.

But she couldn’t shake it.

Deep in her bones, she could feel it.

Something was coming.

And whatever it was, Bella was all wrapped up in it.

Notes:

Something HINKY is goin on here !

One thing I never quite enjoy about stories that feature a character who struggles with the things Bella does is that a lot of times, the protagonist ends up feeling very helpless and vestigial, like they're just kind of being swept along a stream of trauma and never able to actually plant their feet on anything. The whole point of this story is recovery and part of recovery is learning how to have very difficult conversations and facing your past demons. Bella does this in this chapter with Lauren, tackling her demons of clearly-implied suffering from past homophobia/victimhood of hate crimes. And I think the conversation they have is very realistic, especially between two younger people. It's hard to buck the cultural notions you've been raised with, even when you're presented with a situation where those exact notions are causing a lot of pain that's making you uncomfortable and unhappy, so even though Lauren can recognize and is upset by Bella's pain at her words and actions, she can't just alter her brain chemistry with a snap of her fingers. But she *does* care about Bella and takes a very important first step, and Bella takes a very important step forward in her own recovery by forcing herself to confront something that severely upset her.

And then Rosalie to the rescue! The tension between her and Bella is building, and it's delicious. I had debated having both her and Edward show up to try and rescue Bella, but I felt it took away from the scene rather than added to it, so Emo Eddie will show up next chapter. He's not having a great time after his first meeting with Bella went rather poorly, there just didn't end up being a good place in this chapter to actually display that.

As for Bella's mysterious dreams, I will say the following about them in case people want to speculate in their minds;
There is only one voice speaking, each line of dream-dialogue is from the same voice.
The speaker is a character that has been on screen before.
Have fun~

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, please continue to leave your wonderful comments! I hope you're all having as good a time reading this story as I am writing it.

Chapter 7: God Called Off Today, And I Don't Know What To Tell You (I'm Sorry)

Summary:

Chapter alternate titles: The One Where Edward Goes Off The Rails/The One Where Bella Finds Out

Just a heads up, y'all see those tags that say "Edward Cullen Being An Asshole" and "Edward Cullen Bashing"? If you're a fan of your boy, this is the chapter where I'm not very nice to him. Don't worry. He gets better. He's actually very important to the later part of the story, but he needs to go through some serious growth first.

~~~

After the events at Port Angeles set her mind back slightly, Bella is surprised to find out that Lauren has kept everything to herself. But of course, Bella Swan's life can never be that easy, and the first dominoes have already fallen. Her life is about to go through the biggest upheaval she's ever had, and then *everything* will change...

Bella’s life, despite recent upendings, slowly became something almost resembling normality. When she had finally felt well enough to return to school a few days later she didn’t know what to expect. Part of her expected the entire school to be lambasting her with homophobic slurs and to be barred entry, while the other part of her scolded herself for thinking that.

But, to Bella’s guilty surprise, Lauren hadn’t told a single soul about the conversation they had in the car. In their conversations via text since then it hadn’t been brought up at all, and after a few days of wariness and feeling constantly on edge, the fear of the other shoe dropping slowly slid out of Bella’s muscles.

Of course, she had been naive to think that just because one problem had seemingly been resolved that her life would be problem-free. Because a new problem always had to arrive in the land of Bella Swan, and this next problem was tall and moody, with messy brown hair and eyes that lingered for uncomfortable lengths on Bella.

This next problem was named Edward Cullen.

It started one week after her return to school, when her nerves had just started to settle and she had accepted that nobody was going to jump out from behind a corner and hate-crime her. She was walking to her biology class, and found him leaning against the classroom door in the hall.

She slowed her pace as she felt her heart rate immediately speed up.

Edward hadn’t tried to speak to her again since their first meeting. Her lunches with Alice had resumed their every-other-day schedule neatly, except now she was often accompanied by one of either Jasper or Emmett. Bella wondered if they were trading in order to avoid overwhelming her, which she was thankful for.

But Edward and Rosalie had both kept their distance in the school, with one key difference.

Where Rosalie had resumed ignoring Bella entirely, not acknowledging her whatsoever despite several curious glances being tossed her way from Bella, Edward had gone in the opposite direction and had taken to staring at Bella.

Always with a slightly pensive look on his face, like he was trying to puzzle something out about her. When she would sit in the cafeteria with Lauren and her friends, an event that had become much more tolerable since her and Lauren had rapidly grown closer since the mall, he would stare at the both of them, eyes flicking back and forth between herself and Lauren.

Bella hadn’t bothered mentioning it to anyone. She figured it would pass eventually, but of course it had to be wishful thinking.

“Bella,” Edward greeted her cordially, once again fixing her with a curious, pensive stare. “How are you today?”

Her heart once again was hammering in her chest, but this time she couldn’t just turn and walk away from him. He was between her and her class, and to get through the door she had to go past him.

“Fine. What do you want?” she asked cautiously, shifting her backpacks position on her shoulder. She fiddled with the strap to burn off some of the nervous energy that was quickly mounting, and Edward’s lips turned slightly downwards.

“They’re blood-testing today,” he murmured. “Alice mentioned your...distaste towards seeing blood, and I had this class in the period prior to you. I decided to stay behind and warn you.”

Bella grimaced. She definitely couldn’t go to class if that’s what they were doing, and her anxiety spiked again at the thought of missing class without permission. What should she do?

In her panicked spike of adrenaline, she completely glossed over the fact that she hadn’t actually told Alice anything of the sort. She couldn’t remember doing so, and would later assume that she must have just forgotten mentioning it.

“You can go to the nurse and get an exemption if you need to,” Edward continued smoothly, pushing himself off the wall and taking a few paces towards Bella. “Shall I escort you?”

“That’s fine,” Bella said quickly, shaking her head. “I’ll be fine.”

Edward frowned again and tilted his head.

“But you don’t know where the nurse’s office is, do you?” he asked. “You haven’t been.”

“How would you know if I’ve been or not?” Bella asked, narrowing her eyes.

Edward just shrugged.

“Am I wrong?” he asked.

“Look, man - “ Bella started, only for Edward to interrupt her.

“Why do you avoid me, out of all my family? Have I done something to offend you? If I have I apologize, and would like to start a clean slate…” Edward said, his frown deepening slightly. “You greet my siblings so casually in the halls now, and Alice speaks of you constantly. Emmett will not cease babbling about his ‘rematch of the century’ with you over some...racing simulation.”

Bella forced herself to breathe in through her mouth and exhale through her nose. All the hairs on her neck were standing up, and she took a step back. Edward matched it, taking a pace forward.

“I’m not avoiding you. I just don’t know you,” Bella said, her voice shaking slightly.

“Then I’d like to remedy that,” Edward said, straightening up and holding a hand out. “Edward Cullen. My siblings make you sound...so intriguing. I’d like to find out for myself, if you’re willing.”

Bella was not willing, but she also couldn’t quite figure out a polite way to say that without being forced to give a reason, and she wasn’t entirely sure Edward would respond positively to her saying; ‘I don’t want to get to know you because your presence makes me have near-panic attacks’.

Mostly because it sounded crazy even to her , and she had no clue what to make of it all.

So, slowly, hesitantly, she reached a hand out and quickly grasped his for a shake.

When she shook his hand, Edward took a sudden inhale through his nose in a way that made Bella shiver unconsciously. He blinked a few times before letting go of her hand, quickly putting his hands in his pockets and jerking his head in a direction down the hallway.

“The nurse’s office is this way. Come, I’ll show you.”

“...Fine, sure,” Bella muttered. Edward smiled for the first time since Bella had met him, and she wasn’t quite sure it did much to improve his looks. He didn’t so much look happy as he did ‘mildly triumphant’ and it made Bella’s nerves even worse.

She followed behind him as he asked her questions about herself, to which she provided short, vague answers.

The only comfort she had during the entire interaction was that he didn’t try to touch her again, and in fact kept his hands firmly in his pockets. When they arrived at the nurse’s office, Edward leaned on the door-frame.

“I’ll wait for you,” he said quietly.

“That’s fine, you don’t need to,” Bella replied quickly.

“I want to,” he insisted.

Once again, Bella couldn’t find a way out that wasn’t staggeringly impolite, so instead she just ducked inside the nurse’s office. At least he wasn’t insisting on coming in with her.

The nurse was a middle-aged woman, and after Bella explained that her Bio class was doing blood-testing that day and she couldn’t handle blood, she received a sympathetic look and an exemption note to present the teacher with the next time she was in his class. Because she waited until the day of the class she would still technically be marked with an absent, but a hopefully temporary one.

Bella hesitated for a moment before leaving, but was ushered out when the nurse looked at her curiously and asked if she needed something else.

Edward was still there, almost in the exact same position Bella had left him.

“Did you get your note?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Bella said.

“Excellent. Shall we find somewhere to sit while we wait for the period to end?” Edward offered.

Bella just stared at him for a moment before sighing and shrugging.

“Yeah. I guess.”

Edward looked a bit less triumphant at her response this time, but the worst of Bella’s nerves were slowly starting to drain away at least. She still felt extremely on-edge around him, and still didn’t have a good reason for it, but she allowed him to lead her to an area nearby the front office that had some chairs.

He quickly explained away their presence to the woman at the front office before joining Bella, sitting down and leaving exactly one empty seat between them.

“I wanted to offer my sympathies for your...experience the other night,” he said after a moment. “I was hoping you would be by the house again so I could tell you so there, but you haven’t been by.”

“Thanks. And yeah, Alice hasn’t invited me again. I think she’s just being really fussy over me,” Bella mumbled.

“Well, allow me to grant you a standing invitation any evening you’d like to come by,” Edward said smoothly. “You’re always welcome in our home, Bella.”

“...thanks,” Bella said awkwardly, pulling her knees up to her chest.

Edward smiled again at that and straightened his back a little.

“I was also curious, since Alice hasn’t mentioned...when is your birthday, Bella?” Edward asked.

Bella blinked.

“Uh, September. Already happened. Why?”

“Well that’s unacceptable,” Edward said with a slight pout. “Did you even get to celebrate? You were moving here to Forks in September weren’t you?”

“I uh. I mean, I had dinner with Charlie I guess,” Bella said awkwardly. “But it was kind of busy with me moving in and everything. We didn’t do much else.”

“I can’t harbor that,” Edward scoffed. “Please, allow me to invite you to my home after class this Friday. We’ll have a proper celebration.”

Bella looked at Edward in utter befuddlement, trying to figure out his game. He barely knew her, although he seemed to desperately want to, and now he was offering to throw her a late birthday party?

“I mean, it’s fine, I don’t really like celebrating my birthday…” Bella said awkwardly.

“Nonsense. Everyone loves their birthday,” Edward said dismissively.

“I don’t,” Bella replied a bit shortly.

“Then I suppose I’ll take it upon myself to change your mind,” he said, his tone still dismissive and irritably confident. “My mother would absolutely love to do it, she adores a good party. And I’m sure my siblings would enjoy a chance to celebrate you before having to wait another year, so what do you say?”

“Do I have a choice?” Bella asked sarcastically.

“Of course you do! But I’d be quite disappointed if you said no,” Edward chuckled, seeming to not even register the sarcasm.

Bella sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

“Fine. Whatever, yeah. I’ll come. I’d like to see Esme again I guess, she was really nice and Alice said she’s been really worried about me since Port Angeles.”

“Excellent,” Edward said. “I’ll pick you up Friday morning and take you to school, then you’ll come back to my home with me.”

“Whoa, whoa, I didn’t agree to that,” Bella said. “I have my own car. I’ll be fine.”

“Hmm. It’s not very gentlemanly of me to make a lady chauffeur herself to her own party, but your truck does infuriate Rosalie…” Edward said quietly to himself, thinking. Bella once again found herself feeling utterly confused by his attitude, having no idea what to think of this entire situation.

“I’m not doing it to irritate your sister I’m doing it because I can drive myself,” Bella said with a hint of acid. Edward finally seemed to pick up on her irritation and frowned.

“Now Bella there’s no need for that. I’m simply doing what would be proper.”

“Does this like, really do it for the girls you talk to?” Bella asked, partially out of actual curiosity and partially because she was irritated and wanted to needle him. “This whole like, immediately diving into telling them what to do shtick?”

“What? Bella what on earth are you talking about? I’m just trying to do the right thing,” Edward said, his voice clipped and his face hardening a little.

“ I thought Alice said your parents were the old-fashioned ones,” Bella grumbled. “This is so last century, dude.”

Edward looked actually offended by that, which both made Bella feel immensely satisfied and somewhat nervous. She didn’t actually want to piss him off too badly, because he was Alice’s brother, but he was really starting to get on her nerves. And she was still anxious as hell to be near him, which was also starting to piss her off.

“Are you saying you would respond better to more modern forms of courting?” he asked.

Bella’s brain actually short circuited at that statement a little, and she just blankly stared at him for a few moments before blurting out her response.

“Have you been trying to flirt with me this whole time!?”

Edward frowned.

“I believe so, yes? I am expressing interest in you as a person, and would like to get to know you better and perhaps take you out on a date sometime.”

“Oh my god,” Bella groaned, putting her face in her hands. “Dude, no. Not never happening nope never nada zilch. Abandon ship now, bail, dip, abort mission. Just. No.”

Edward was quiet for a few moments, and when Bella peeked between her fingers she saw him staring at her, a complicated flurry of emotions crossing his face. Confusion, hurt, a bit of anger and betrayal. She felt her whole body tense as she got ready to stand up.

“May I ask...why?” he eventually said in a strained, stony voice.

“Because I’m not interested,” Bella said flatly.

“I see,” Edward said quietly. He thought for a few moments and stood up. “I suppose I’ll just have to figure out what will interest you, then.”

“No, that’s not - “ Bella started.

“Have a nice day, Bella,” Edward said politely, dipping his head in a polite nod before walking out of the room.

Bella sat frozen in the chair until the bell rang, jolting her out of her stunned state. She pulled out her phone and immediately started texting Alice.

Bella [1:45 p.m.]: Cullen start talking right the fuck now why is your brother being fucking weird and trying to ask me out in the weirdest way possible and when told in several different manners ‘no’ instead interpreted it as ‘I am challenging you to interest me’??????

Alice [1:45 p.m.]: Uh oh.

Bella [1:50 p.m.]: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN UH OH

Bella [1:50 p.m.]: THIS IS NOT AN UH OH SITUATION THIS IS A YOUR BROTHER IS DELUSIONAL SITUATION

Alice [1:50 p.m.]: I’m sorry!!! I didn’t know he was going to do that! You two haven’t even talked since you met the other evening at the house so I wasn’t expecting anything to happen!

Bella [1:53 p.m.]: I am freaking the fuck out right now. I told him straight up that I was not interested and he said to me and I fucking quote; “I suppose I’ll just have to figure out what will interest you, then.”

Bella [1:54 p.m.]: DEFCON YUCK. WHAT THE HELL, MAN.

Alice [1:54 p.m.]: Oh dear. I did warn you that he was stubborn.

Bella [1:58 p.m.]: congratulations you get a medal now what the FUCK do I do

Alice [1:58 p.m.]: I don’t know!

Bella [2:00 p.m.]: WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW

Alice [2:00 p.m.]: Despite what you seem to believe here I do not control Edward! And trust me sometimes I wish I could!

Alice [2:00 p.m.]: For what it’s worth I don’t think he’s going to hurt you. He’s just...he has a bit of a crush. That’s all.

Bella [2:02 p.m.]: a bit of a crush she says

Bella [2:02 p.m.]: mister “would you respond better to modern forms of courtship” shows like thirty bajillion red flags in the span of like, forty-five minutes and she says he has ‘a bit of a crush’

Alice [2:02 p.m.]: I really don’t know what you want me to do here Bella :(

Bella [2:04 p.m.]: idk. a little heads up would have been nice if you knew he had this weirdo ass crush.

Alice [2:04 p.m.]: Duly noted. If any of my other brothers develop a crush on you I will inform you as soon as I am aware.

Bella [2:10 p.m.]: that’s helpful thank you. meanwhile I am going to probably go fake my death or something.

Alice [2:10 p.m.]: Bella I think you’re being a little overdramatic here. He’s just interested in you, he’s not going to hurt you.

Bella [2:13 p.m.]: when they find my body in a ditch five months from now I want you to remember that sentence!

Alice [2:13 p.m.]: Bella!!

Bella [2:13 p.m.]: ditch!!!!!!!!!!!

Bella groaned in frustration and put her phone away for the rest of the class, pulling it out again afterwards to text a different Cullen.

Bella [2:46 p.m.]: how do I make Edward listen to me?

Emmett [2:48 p.m.]: ….? What?

Bella [2:48 p.m.]: he asked me out earlier and I said no and he took it as a challenge. how do I actually make him listen.

Emmett [2:50 p.m.]: You said no?

Bella [2:52 p.m.]: that’s so not the point of this conversation but yes I said no. how do I make HIM understand that.

Emmett [2:53 p.m.]: Huh. Why’d you say no?

Bella [2:54 p.m.]: ???? because I am not interested???

Emmett [2:55 p.m.]: Huh.

Bella [2:56 p.m.]: are you going to help me or are you going to keep asking stupid questions

Emmett [2:59 p.m.]: I dunno bro. Edward is pretty stubborn. If I could get him to do what I wanted I’d get him to play Halo with me.

Bella [3:00 p.m.]: great cool yeah that helps a lot

Emmett [3:01 p.m.]: Sorry Bella. :(

“Third time’s the charm. I fucking hope,” Bella muttered darkly as she texted the final Cullen in her phone.

Bella [3:05 p.m.]: please tell me you know how to make Edward listen to something and not completely make up words in his own head

Jasper [3:06 p.m.]: What happened?

Bella [3:07 p.m.]: He asked me out earlier, I said no, he did not hear no and instead heard that I wanted him to try harder to interest me. Help.

Jasper [3:07 p.m.]: You’re not interested in him?

Bella [3:08 p.m.]: the next person who is more confused by my lack of interest than his lack of ability to understand English is getting Nair in their shampoo bottle.

Jasper [3:08 p.m.]: Sorry. I thought you had a thing.

Bella [3:10 p.m.]: why. why the fuck would you think that. what have I done to deserve that, jasper, why would you do that to me. No I do not have a ‘thing’ for Edward what the fuck.

Jasper [3:11 p.m.]: I am very sorry for the assumptions. The way Edward described your initial meeting was much more...indicative of a thing.

Bella [3:12 p.m.]: oh god please don’t tell me your brother is one of those weirdos that thinks because a girl talked to him once that she’s madly in love with him.

Jasper [3:12 p.m.]: He isn’t. Usually.

Bella [3:14 p.m.]: the fact that you said ‘usually’ does not make me feel better.

Jasper [3:15 p.m.]: I really am sorry to ask this but, are you positive you’re not interested in him? He was quite thoroughly convinced when talking about you before.

Bella [3:15 p.m.]: let me answer your question with a question. do you value your testicles?

Jasper [3:16 p.m.]: ...pardon?

Bella [3:16 p.m.]: because if you do in fact, value your testicles, an excellent way to keep them intact is to not question a woman when she says she is not interested in a man. food for thought :)

Jasper [3:18 p.m.]: The fact that you made a smile ominous frightens me. But I understand and will refrain from that line of questioning in the future. What do you need?

Bella [3:20 p.m.]: MAKE EDWARD UNDERSTAND NO MEANS NO

Jasper [3:21 p.m.]: Understood. I’ll have a talk with him.

Bella [3:21 p.m.]: thank fucking god finally. you’re my new favorite Cullen.

Jasper [3:22 p.m.]: My last name is Hale technically, remember?

Bella [3:22 p.m.]: you’re already my favorite Hale so repeating that is irrelevant. you get to have Alice’s spot for now.

Jasper [3:23 p.m.]: Ah. I see. Why exactly do I have Alice’s spot?

Bella [3:24 p.m.]: Because Alice said I’m being dramatic and that he’s “not going to hurt me, it’s just a little crush” so I’m punishing her by giving you her spot.

Jasper [3:25 p.m.]: Ah.

Jasper [3:25 p.m.]: I’ll talk to her as well. She and Edward are...close. She doesn’t want to see him hurt, or think badly of him. Don’t think too badly of her for it.

Bella [3:26 p.m.]: what about you? he’s your brother too but you aren’t saying stuff like that.

Jasper [3:27 p.m.]: Despite certain opinions within the family, Edward is not a golden calf. Just because I don’t seek active confrontation with him doesn’t mean I’m blind to his faults.

Bella [3:30 p.m.]: huh. that’s surprisingly candid of you.

Jasper [3:31 p.m.]: He’s still my brother and I care about him. Which is why I’m going to have a talk with him. We all have our faults.

Bella went home that day feeling slightly better about it all, but she also found herself emotionally exhausted and wondering when the hell her life got so complicated. The answer to that question, of course, was the day she met Alice Cullen, but she couldn’t truthfully say that she would be willing to give up all the good that came from that day to give up the bad and complicated.

She did her homework and made dinner. Charlie was taking a late shift, so she packed up leftovers for him in a cleaned-up takeout container and stuck it in the fridge with a sticky note on it explaining what it was and what was in it.

Her nightly routine was dominated by thoughts of the Cullens. She liked them well enough and was happy she met them, but dealing with the ones that she liked was already exhausting. She had no idea what she was going to do if Edward couldn’t get the word ‘no’ through his head.

Around ten-thirty at night her phone buzzed, this time not with a text, but with a phone call. Frowning, Bella looked at the caller ID to see Alice’s name, and picked up.

“Yeah?” Bella asked. “What’s up? Everything okay? You never call.”

“Bella?” Alice asked quietly, her voice small.

“...yeah?” Bella asked, her heart skipping a beat at the tone of Alice’s voice; strained and tight, like a guitar string tuned too tightly and about to snap.

“I need you to look out your window for me,” Alice said. Her voice was quiet. Too quiet. Bella had to strain her ears to hear it.

“Uh. You’re kinda freaking me out, dude. What’s going on?” Bella asked, slowly sliding herself out of bed. Her blinds had been closed all evening, she had done her homework by the lamp on her desk.

“Please, Bella?” Alice asked, still practically whispering.

“Okay…” Bella said, inching close to her window. Pressing herself flat against the wall on the left side of the window frame, she carefully lifted up the edge of the blinds and looked outside. The sun had long since set, and the clouds obscured most of the moonlight, but Charlie had a few motion-activated lights outside that had turned on. Bella was used to that, it was usually wildlife. He had a couple cameras out there too and liked to watch what the animals did at night.

Bella’s favorite was a raccoon that liked to put his face right in front of the camera while he ate something he fished out of the garbage.

“What am I looking for?” she mumbled.

“If I tell you, will you promise to stay quiet, on the line, and not freak out?” Alice asked firmly.

“Alice what the fuck - “

“You can’t react. Okay?” Alice insisted, still somehow keeping her voice to the level where Bella could only just barely hear her.

“You better have a damn fucking good explanation for all this. Fine,” Bella hissed.

“Promise?”

“I promise Alice now what the hell - “

“It’s Edward.”

Bella froze for half a second before schooling her features and shoving down the wave of acid and nausea building in her guts. Before she even recognized what she was doing, a switch was thrown in her head and it was like iron grates slammed down around her mind. Everything started feeling a bit fuzzy, like she was being wrapped in wool.

“Okay. I’m looking,” she said, keeping her voice just as quiet now. Her voice managed to stay steady, and she scanned what she could see of the yard. “It’s dark so I can’t see much but Charlie’s motion lights aren’t showing anything.”

“Keep looking,” Alice said.

“Wanna explain what’s going on yet?” Bella asked, feeling her emotions start to detach from her body. Somewhere inside of her she was screaming, but all the turmoil and anxiety did little more than rattle against the iron grates. It was building and it would come to a head, but for now she was still in control.

“Jasper and Edward had a fight,” Alice said quietly. “About...you.”

“You weren’t the only one I asked for help,” Bella grumbled.

“I don’t blame you,” Alice said quickly. “But it escalated and...things were said, and we can’t find Edward.”

“Okay. Should I tell Charlie?” Bella asked.

“No! No, don’t do that,” Alice said. “Would it...can one of us come pick you up, and bring you here? For the night?”

“...I thought you said Edward wouldn’t hurt me,” Bella said after a moment.

“He won’t. I hope. I think. I don’t know, he’s...he’s never done this before,” Alice fretted, and Bella could tell she was starting to slip a little as her voice raised slightly. “I’ve never seen...I’ve never heard him like that…”

Bella was quiet for a moment.

“Would it make you feel better if I was with you right now?” she eventually asked, still looking out her window.

“Yes,” Alice said with a sharp inhale.

“Then I’ll come. Charlie took a late shift but I heard him get home about thirty minutes ago, and I really don’t think Edward would actually be able to do anything while he’s here because since I moved in Charlie started sleeping with a gun under his pillow but... I’ll do it for you,” Bella said quietly. “On one condition.”

“Name it,” Alice said with a huge sigh of relief.

“You explain what the fuck is going on,” Bella said sharply. “Because, look, I didn’t want to say anything, but some weird shit has been happening with you and your family. At first it was whatever, none of my business, you know? But then that fucking weird shit happens with your sister, who just so happens to show up when I’m in trouble, and now I’m having weird fucking dreams - “

“Dreams?” Alice asked.

“Yes, dreams! Weird ones! I didn’t get dreams like this before I met you and your family!” Bella hissed. “And don’t you dare lie to me and say nothing is going on because I’m not stupid, Alice.”

Alice was quiet for several minutes before answering.

“Emmett and I are on our way. I’ll...I’ll tell you what I can,” she sighed.

“Good enough for me,” Bella snapped lightly.

“Stay on the line until I get there? Please?” Alice fretted.

“Sure,” Bella said, her irritation melting slightly at the genuine distress in Alice’s tone.

“For what it’s worth I’m sorry,” Alice said with a light sniffle. Bella could hear the background noise of car doors slamming and an engine starting up. “I didn’t mean for it to go like this.”

“Hey, like you said, you can’t control your brother,” Bella said with a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I shouldn’t have acted like it would be your fault if he did something. That was shitty of me.”

“But you don’t understand, it is my fault!” Alice whined. “I could have...ugh! I’m so stupid .”

“Stop that,” Bella said firmly. “You’re a lot of things Alice Cullen. You’re impulsive and silly and really really fucking weird, but one thing you aren’t is stupid. And even if you were , I wouldn’t care.”

Alice sniffled again.

“Promise?” she asked weakly.

“Promise. You are my wife after all,” Bella said lightly. Alice chuckled and hiccuped at the same time.

“I thought you were done with that joke,” she said with a slight giggle.

“Yeah but it made you laugh,” Bella said quietly. “And it sounds like you need that right now.”

Alice was about to reply when Bella caught movement out of the corner of her eye. The big tree was the only notable ‘landmark’ in the yard, and it sat just outside the motion lights, shrouded in darkness. She was pretty sure Charlie had done that on purpose, to not disturb the squirrels and birds that slept in it.

But something in the shadows had moved, just for a moment. At first she wondered if she was just paranoid, but then a different set of motion lights flicked on.

She couldn’t see what had caused it. It might have been a small animal, a mouse or a rabbit maybe. But something made Bella’s skin feel cold and her hairs stand up, and somewhere she dully recognized the same feelings from the other times Edward had been physically near her.

“Alice,” Bella murmured.

“What? We’re about five minutes away,” Alice said quickly.

“He’s here,” Bella breathed.

“You saw him!?” Alice asked, her voice pitching up harshly, but somehow she managed to keep her volume low.

“No. But I can tell,” Bella said quietly, keeping her eyes on the yard. “Something moved and set off the second set of lights. I can’t see what it was but...I can feel it in my gut.”

“We’re almost there,” Alice said. “We’re pulling onto your street now.”

“I thought you said five minutes?” Bella asked, frowning.

“Took a shortcut,” Alice said quickly, and then Bella saw the headlights on the road. She dropped the blinds and quickly threw a bag together before opening the door to make her way quietly downstairs. When she came into the hallway she bumped into Charlie, who had just finished coming up the stairs.

“Bella? You alright?” Charlie asked, blinking in surprise at Bella’s sudden appearance in the hallway. Her mind whirled for an excuse.

“Alice is having a really bad night so I’m gonna go to her place and spend the night,” she said quickly.

“Oh. It’s a school night, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Charlie asked, frowning. “I mean I know you’re eighteen and all but you still have to be responsible…”

“I’ll be fine Charlie,” Bella said with a half-smile. “My grades are doing great, even with the little setback from before. Besides, isn’t this what you were talking about? Putting myself out there a little more if I want real friends? Wouldn’t you have done this for Billy if he needed you on a school night?”

Charlie frowned and stroked his chin.

“Y’know, I liked it when you were shorter and didn’t know how to spell Wednesday,” Charlie grumbled. “You weren’t so smart back then.”

Bella grinned, knowing she had the go-ahead.

“Thanks Charlie,” she said quietly. “Alice is gonna drive me to school tomorrow so it’ll be fine. They’re pulling into the driveway now actually, I think. Her and her brother.”

“Oh? Which one?” Charlie asked.

“Emmett,” Bella said.

“Oh, that one. I wish he would join the football team, maybe we’d actually score a few wins for once,” Charlie grumbled.

“Bella, we’re here,” she heard Alice say from the phone. “You coming?”

“I’ll pass on the message,” Bella said to her dad. “But I gotta go. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Charlie said, nodding. “Thanks for dinner by the way. That was good.”

“No problem,” Bella said over her shoulder as she slung her bag over her shoulder, taking the steps two at a time. Her ability to remain mentally present was starting to waver as her heart began to pound heavily, and she felt short of breath as she made her way to the door, eyes constantly flicking to the windows.

When she stepped outside Alice was immediately there by her side, holding tightly onto her arm and pulling her towards the car.

“Whoa, jeez, slow down I’m coming!” Bella yelped as she was dragged across the driveway. The car’s headlights were shining into the woods behind them, and Emmett was standing next to the drivers seat. He looked like he was smelling the air, which made Bella look around and try to figure out what he was smelling. “What is it? Is there something in the air?”

“Yeah, Edward,” Emmett grunted. Bella paused and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Emmett!” Alice snapped.

“What!? Bella was right, he’s here,” Emmett said, walking over and putting a big hand on Bella’s back, gently pushing her towards the car. “He won’t try anything while we’re here but after what he pulled earlier I’m a lot less confident about that prediction so let’s go.”

“How did he - “ Bella started to ask, but was cut off by being gently shoved into the backseat of the car and having the door shut in her face. Quickly, Alice was by her side and Emmett was in the driver’s seat, and they were pulling out of the driveway. “Okay. What the hell is going on? Did he just smell Edward in the air? How much cologne does one guy need?”

“Later, please?” Alice begged. “I promise you’ll get everything later but right now we need to get home.”

Bella stared at her with a hard expression before sighing and nodding, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles.

“Fine. Just so you know I’m dissociating like a motherfucker right now and when that eventually ends I’m probably going to have a nervous fucking breakdown,” Bella grumbled.

“Okay,” Alice said quietly, reaching over and gently holding Bella’s hand. “Everything is going to be alright. You’re safe with us.”

“I’d certainly hope so if you’re going to take me away from the house that has guns in it,” Bella said, unable to help the sarcasm from leaking into her voice.

Emmett laughed, which Bella wasn’t quite expecting.

“Yeah I think I’d take that bet,” he chuckled to himself. Bella looked at Alice again, who grimaced in apology.

“Soon. I promise.”

Emmett drove fast, and they were at the Cullen house in nearly a quarter of the time it had taken Bella to get there when she drove herself the other week.

Bella was ushered inside and found the rest of the Cullen family in the living room. Esme and Carlisle were on the couch and Rosalie was standing on the fourth step from the bottom of the flight of stairs going to the second floor, leaning on the railing with crossed arms. She wasn’t looking at Bella.

Jasper was sitting in an armchair massaging his shoulder and grimacing, and when he looked over to spot Bella entering the room he seemed to sag in visible relief. He quickly stood up and approached Alice and Emmett, shooting Bella an indecipherable look as he did so.

“Was he there?” he murmured.

Emmett and Alice nodded, and Jasper swore under his breath.

“Language,” Esme sighed, resting her head against Carlisle’s shoulder.

Bella was led over to a different armchair and she sat down, pulling her knees up and taking her shoes off. Alice quickly took them and put them away somewhere, and Bella tucked her feet underneath her.

The room was quiet for several minutes as Bella waited for the Cullens to speak. When they didn’t, she decided to break the ice first.

“Okay,” she said quietly, noting how the moment she spoke the entire family seemed to immediately stare at her. “I have been, in my opinion, very patient, understanding, and willing to ignore all the fucking weirdness that’s been happening to me around this family. But this is a step too far to ignore, so I’m gonna need somebody to tell me what the hell is going on.”

“ My vote is still no,” Rosalie piped up from the stairs.

“If you aren’t going to be helpful piss off,” Bella cut in before one of Rosalie’s family members could respond. “I’m not in a great mood today so if you’re just going to stand there and make commentary I’d really appreciate it if you could just, like, not. Okay?”

For the first time since The Incident Bella Has Been Ignoring, Rosalie turned around and met her eyes. They were narrowed and hard, and Bella tensed as she waited for her consciousness to get swallowed up by them again. But it didn’t happen this time. Instead they just stared each other down, with an indecipherable swell of feelings in Bella’s gut that almost made her want to stand up and go over to Rosalie.

Clearly to smack her , Bella thought ruefully.

After a few more moments of staring Rosalie gave her the slightest nod before turning her back to her and resuming leaning on the railing. She didn’t leave, but Bella hoped she would at least be quiet now.

“You are right,” Carlisle said with a sigh, threading his fingers with Esme’s and squeezing her hand. “You’ve taken all the strangeness of our family in stride, and it disappoints me greatly that your proximity to us has caused you such distress. But there is a limit to...what I can explain to you.”

Bella frowned.

“Why?”

“There are rules,” Carlisle said smoothly. “Very...strict rules, that I must abide by to the letter. So you see, within these rules, there is only so much I can tell you.”

The entire family was looking at her now, save Rosalie. Alice was standing in between Jasper and Emmett, with Jasper’s arm around her shoulders. Jasper and Emmett were staring at her with pensive, curious looks, while Alice looked like she was a split second away from breaking out of Jasper’s arms and running across the room. Her hands kept opening and closing, and Bella could see her jaw twitching.

Esme just looked upset. If one of her children had caused a massive fight before running off after some girl, Bella could understand that. She was resting on Carlisle’s shoulder, but she kept looking at Bella with looks of pity and, strangely, curiosity.

Carlisle meanwhile was looking at her almost with an appraising expression, like she was being judged or...tested.

“Hrm,” Bella grunted softly.

Rosalie wasn’t looking at her, but Bella’s eyes went to her anyway. Her entire back wasn’t facing Bella anymore, she was turned slightly to the side, and on what little Bella could see of her face was a stony expression.

“So you are a cult,” Bella grumbled.

“We are not a cult. Although we have been described that way, but not by who you’d think, or for the reasons,” Carlisle said with an idle chuckle.

“What can you tell me, with your weirdo rules?” Bella asked.

“Very little, as I said,” Carlisle said firmly. “ I can tell you that we mean you no harm. I can tell you that this house is safe for you, quite possibly the safest place you could find yourself. And I can tell you that there is a circumstance upon which I could tell you more.”

Bella turned the words over in her mind. Her dissociation was fading, and with it a torrent of emotions that had built up in her mind was threatening to loose itself all over her consciousness. She tamped it down as best she could and tried to logically run through his words.

Despite herself and her anxiety screaming at her to run far, far away from this family, she found herself believing Carlisle’s words. She trusted him, for some reason. She looked again at all the faces, and all of them were some mixture of pity, curiosity, and in the case of Alice, poorly-suppressed nervous affection.

She looked at Carlisle again.

“You’re trying to tell me something,” she said slowly. His lips twitched upwards slightly, for a fraction of a second. “You’ve... been trying to tell me something, haven’t you?” she asked, this time turning to Alice.

Jasper had a hand over Alice’s mouth by this point, and flashed an apologetic smile at Bella.

“Jeezus,” Bella groaned, putting her head in her hands. “What is this? Why me? What is happening ?”

“I cannot answer those right now,” Carlisle said softly, patiently. Bella sighed and rapped her knuckles against her forehead.

“Okay. Okay.”

She rolled the words over again and again. It was like trying to find a loophole in a fae contract, like trading a first-born for a good harvest and trying to find a way out.

She blinked.

Maybe it was a fae contract. Carlisle didn’t seem like the type of man to be careless with his speech, and the way he spoke gave the impression that he was choosing his words very carefully.

When she realized that she was seriously considering that the Cullens were a group of magical fae people, she almost pulled her phone out to call an ambulance and have herself committed. This was insane. Insane . She must have finally snapped, right? Did she forget to take her meds that morning?

She shook her head and sighed, ruffling her hair with both hands.

Bella was a lot of things but she knew she wasn’t psychotic. Her therapist had tested her. She wasn’t psychotic.

Which meant that the thing that happened with Rosalie the other week actually happened. Something weird and...supernatural. Not normal. Beyond the material world. Whatever.

“Okay. So you operate by fae rules, am I getting warmer?” Bella threw out, hoping someone would bite.

Nobody said anything, but she could have sworn she saw Carlisle’s lips twitch again.

“Loopholes then. I’m looking for a loophole,” Bella muttered. “Which would be a lot easier if I knew the actual rules. So I have to find a loophole in rules that I don’t know. Great. Awesome. Should take no time at all.”

“This is a waste of time,” Rosalie grumbled.

“Shut up Rosalie Hale before I come over there and shut your mouth for you,” Bella snapped, which conjured the image of her making Rosalie’s mouth quiet in a very interesting way. Bella smacked her own face and groaned loudly. She did not need her sexually-repressed lesbian instincts fucking up her thought process right now.

Surprisingly, Rosalie did actually stop talking, although Bella guessed it was more out of shock than a desire to stop annoying her.

“ I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you guys aren’t really faeries or whatever,” Bella sighed, slumping back in her armchair. “But the fact that you’re still taking me seriously means I’m either genuinely losing it or I’m on the right track.”

Still no response, but another twitch of the lips from Carlisle.

She thought.

“The eyes,” she eventually said, snapping her fingers and looking from face to face. “The eyes have something to do with it. I’m right aren’t I? It’s not just some freaky coincidence like Alice said!”

Alice was muffled by Jasper’s hand, but Bella could see her eyes brighten a little.

“Doesn’t actually tell me anything but I’m glad I’m right,” Bella huffed. “ Is the loophole that I have to figure out what you are first? You can’t tell me but if I know already you can talk about it freely?”

Carlisle gave her a long searching look, but said nothing, only slowly reaching up his hand to tap the side of his nose.

What else? What else was weird that she’d just brushed off recently, ignored?

She held her hand up to her face and flexed her fingers. She recalled shaking each of their hands, of hugs with Alice. How cold they were.

“The cold…” she murmured. “Either all of you have genetically crappy circulation or that’s part of it too.”

Alice clapped a little, which earned her a scolding look from Jasper and had Emmett grabbing each of her hands in one of his. Bella couldn’t help rolling her eyes slightly in amusement at the sight, but quickly refocused herself.

“Cold, weird eyes. Cold with weird eyes.”

She knew there was something else there. Something bigger. She closed her eyes and took a slow breath. Her control was slipping fast, and if she wanted to get her answers before her panic attack she needed to figure this out , now .

Delving into her memory Bella tried to sort through everything she could remember about the Cullens. All the strange oddities she had observed, all the puzzle pieces that must be there for her to find.

Then something rattled in her mind, some breadcrumb trail of familiarity. Something was off. She thought back to...back to…

The cafeteria. Why the cafeteria? Why was she thinking about that?

Because that’s the only time she would ever see the Cullens in one place, and sometimes she wouldn’t see them at all.

Why was that significant? They got taken out of school by Carlisle sometimes for family activities, which…

“Which is a cover-up…” Bella breathed, her eyes opening as she felt everything start to crumble. Emotions started rushing in and she could practically feel her adrenaline spiking as all the delayed panic and fear began to take over. “A cover-up for what!?” she hissed to herself, shaking her head and trying to keep her thoughts coherent.

Anxiety lanced through her nerves like spears of lightning, and before she realized it her whole body was shaking. Nausea swelled through her and she took a long breath in through her nose before softly exhaling through her mouth, trying to keep it down. She was so close, she could feel it.

Why did the Cullens skip school as a group some days? Sometimes they would miss individual days, but what was the unifying factor about the days where they would all skip? Something in Bella told her that was the key, that was the piece of information that would break it open.

But could she find it before she broke open herself?

Her vision swam in front of her eyes as her head began to pound. Her heart was racing and her breath started coming in short bursts as she was unable to keep it even. She could hear a few vague words being spoken in her direction, but she had to discard them. She had to focus.

“ Find the link.”

Okay.

That was new.

That was a voice in her head that Bella was pretty sure wasn’t her own internal monologue.

“Find the link, Bella. Just a few more steps. You can do this.”

Right. The link. Voice in head could be addressed later, she had to focus. She felt her arms go numb and she realized it was because her nails were digging into her flesh, her hands gripping herself so tightly she was cutting off her own circulation.

Focus.

“They all skip the same days, every time. Find the link.”

Then, like the first beam of sunlight after a storm, a memory echoed through Bella’s mind. Not of the Cullens, but of her own mother. Bella had been fourteen, and just starting to slip into the worst of her depression. She had just spent two weeks in her room without speaking to anyone, only coming out in the dead of night to get some water and whatever food she could scrounge up without making noise.

She had come down in the morning, finally leaving her room in the daylight, and her mother had immediately gone in lecturing her over missing school and how she didn’t know what to do with her anymore. She had concluded her lecture with a sigh and a hand in her hair, and a phrase that clanged through Bella’s mind like a clarion.

“I swear I never even see you during the day anymore. You’re like a vampire Bella, are you allergic to sunlight all of a sudden? What is going on with you!?”

Bella hiccuped as tears started to stream down her face. Fear was gripping her body. He was at her house . He had come to her house . What the fuck? What was even happening ?

But she forced it down and played the memory again in her head, and then, everything clicked.

“That’s my girl. You found it.”

“ Sunlight,” she whispered.

She heard someone talking to her, someone was trying to get her attention. Someone was knelt in front of her, and there were hands on her cheeks. Another pair of hands trying to pry her own fingers away from her arms, but she barely registered any of it.

“Vampires,” Bella whispered.

And then the dark claimed her, and she lost consciousness.

Notes:

Welp. Moody Eddie has officially gone off the rails and done something stupid, and Bella Figured It Out.

The next chapter is already done, actually, so I'll see how eager people are for it to decide when I post it ;)

I actually quite like this chapter. Edward, in this current state of his character, is basically a horror movie villain. Part of it comes from his inability to read Bella's mind, but a lot of it comes from his own self-centered issues. Next chapter is a bit of a lore-dump, I suppose? It's a bit exposition-heavy, especially in the second half of the chapter where Bella asks the Cullens all the questions she can immediately think of, including What The Hell, Man re:Eddie, and we get Carlisle's insight as to what's going through Edward's head and some backstory about the Cullens.

And *man* I will never get tired of writing Bella figuring out for herself about the whole vampires thing. Always a fun scene to write, whether she's doing it all at once like here or actively putting it all together over time like I've done in a few unpublished pieces.

Anyway. Next chapter will mark the official halfway point of Act One, and then I believe chapters 9 and 10 will be Rosalie chapters that catch us up on what *she's* been going through this whole time. I don't like re-telling the same events unless they add something new so aside from a few small scenes of them together, Rosalie's POV won't re-tread too much of what we've already seen happen from Bella's POV. Instead we'll get more insight into the Cullens, Rosalie herself, and of course Rosalie's POV chapters will show what actually happened in the altercation between Edward and Jasper~

Girlie is still rafting along De Nile though, so don't expect her to be all mushy. (Yet.)

If you're curious about my general plans for the rest of the story's structure, my current (subject to change) plans are as follows;
Each major "Act" will be approximately 16 chapters long with 3 acts, so 48 chapters in total. I know, ambitious.
Once Rosalie's catch-up chapters are done, the lead up to Chapter 16 will be mostly Rosella and/or Bellice bonding and Bella learning more about vampires. Chapter 16 has the big A1 climax and will kickstart the 'redemption' of Edward, and Act 2 will focus around deepening the relationship between Rosalie and Bella as well as getting into the meat of The Plot (tm).

Act 3 has no solid concepts yet aside from a general idea of how the story will end.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed! Leave comments, tell me how much you want the next chapter (it's my favorite one so far~), and to all Edward fans: I don't really understand you, but please forgive me and have patience. Your boy is gonna be fine. I actually am quite fond of the version of him that will emerge later in the story, and Carlisle's insight into his actions next chapter will (hopefully) soothe your worries about my plans for him.

Chapter 8: Little Bird, Where Are You Going? (Would You Mind If I Came Too?)

Bella woke up, but at the same time she didn’t. It was like she was dreaming, but instead of Dream-Bella being present, it was Real-Bella. Or something. She didn’t really know how to describe it. She blinked her eyes open and found herself sitting in an old wooden armchair.

She slowly took in her surroundings. She was in a worn down bedroom in what looked like some sort of cabin. There were two windows with the curtains drawn, letting in faint wisps of white light. There wasn’t any dust, and the bed looked like it had been used recently. Wherever she was, it was a place that was used and lived in.

It took until her third scan of the room to realize she wasn’t alone. Sitting in another chair across the room from her was a figure, cloaked in shadow. Bella jumped in her chair, not out of fear, but out of the expectation of fear. She waited for the panic, for the nausea, for the spike of adrenaline at the sudden presence of a hidden figure but it never came.

Instead the figure’s presence filled her with an almost warm familiarity.

Though she couldn’t see the figures face, she knew they were looking at her. And as she looked back at them she realized that although the curtains were drawn, the lack of light wasn’t the reason she couldn’t see them very well. The thin beams of light coming through the curtains were crossing right over the figure.

No, instead they seemed to almost be...painted in shadows. As Bella got a closer look she could determine the figure was feminine in nature, but beyond that she couldn’t make out any more features. They looked like they had long hair, and a thin, somewhat curved form. Their legs were crossed and their hands were clasped gently in their lap.

After a moment, the figure seemed to realize Bella could see them, and Bella saw the one feature she could make out on their face. A mouth, that gently turned into a smile. It almost seemed to emit the same soft white light she could see coming in through the cracks in the curtains, but dimmed and hazy.

And the smile felt familiar.

It was the same smile Charlie would give her when she would come home later than he was expecting and he had been worried about her, and when he would see her he would smile like that; relieved that she was alright, safe, and home.

It was the same smile.

Bella was about to speak when the shadow spoke first, and the words out of their mouth were four words Bella was almost certain had never actually been spoken to her before once in her life.

“I’m proud of you,” the shadow said quietly. “ You did a wonderful job.”

The figure slowly stood from the chair and walked over to Bella, kneeling on the floor in front of her. The way they moved was almost like they were a solid and a liquid at the same time, too fluid to be entirely solid but too cohesive to be made of some sort of living ink. Bella got the dull sense that she should be unnerved by them, but instead she simply stared as the figure knelt and looked up at her face.

“Gods,” the figure murmured. “I know things happened faster this time but...Gods you look so young… ”

She spoke, for this was undoubtably a woman to Bella’s ears, in a voice that was at the same time entirely foreign and hauntingly familiar. It ached in her chest and she flexed her fingers slightly in the chair, staring back at the strange shadow woman.

“How old are you?” the shadow asked, murmuring as they reached a hand out to cup Bella’s cheek.

Bella didn’t shy away or flinch, which surprised her. Instead she let the shadow reach out to her and rest her palm on her cheek, and when the shadow made contact instead of pressure or the feeling of skin-on-skin she only felt a cool tingling.

“Eighteen,” Bella answered, her voice somehow completely steady and even.

“Eighteen…” the shadow murmured. And even without facial features to go off of, Bella could tell that the way she was looking at her was now full of sadness. The shadow’s thumb stroked her cheek lightly a few times as she sighed. “That’s a face I haven’t seen in a long, long time…”

“...what?” Bella asked, confused.

The shadow gave her a wan smile and pulled her hand away, shuffling back a few inches on the floor, although she remained knelt in front of Bella.

“Sorry. I just...wasn’t expecting that,” the shadow said apologetically. “It was a bit of a shock.”

“...who are you? What’s happening?” Bella asked, feeling her conscious mind starting to return to her a little bit. The dreamlike state of her head was fading, and she remembered what had just happened. “I was with the Cullens…”

“I’m sorry, Bella, but we don’t have much time,” the shadow interrupted her with a gentle, patient tone. She opened her mouth to speak again but Bella beat her to it.

“You’re the voice! The voice that was just there, and - “ Bella blurted out, before another memory clicked in her mind and she gasped. “My dreams! I remember them! I heard you!”

“Yes. I’ve been trying to reach you for a while now,” the shadow nodded.

“Who are you? What the hell is going on?” Bella demanded.

“All in good time,” the shadow said firmly. “Bella, listen. I can only reach you like this because your mind has just been through something traumatic and world-shattering, and right now you’re fragile. The psyche has natural self-defense mechanisms most of the time but at the moment they’re not exactly working properly, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to speak to you again after you wake up. You probably won’t even remember this conversation.”

Bella wanted to retort back and repeat her demands, but something in the tone of the shadow’s voice gave her pause. So she closed her mouth, and the shadow woman took it as permission to continue uninterrupted.

“Bella, something big is coming,” she said, reaching out and gently laying her hand over Bella’s. Again there was no pressure, no indication of a physical presence other than a cool tingling. “Something big, something dangerous , and you’re going to be wrapped up right in the middle of it.”

“What!? Why me? What is it?” Bella whispered.

“ I’m so sorry,” the shadow whispered. “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. Things are so delicate right now, I have to be careful. There’s too much at stake. But it’s coming, and it can’t be stopped or avoided, it can’t be prevented. It must happen. But you won’t be going through it alone.”

Bella shook her head. She was just dreaming. This was just a dream. All of this was just some fucked up nightmare and she was going to wake up any moment in her own bed with no shadow woman, no Edward Cullen coming to her house in the dead of night, no vampires…

“This can’t be real,” she whispered, letting out a slightly hysterical giggle. “I’ve finally snapped, haven’t I? I’ve lost it?”

“This is very real, Bella,” the woman murmured.

“So...so you expect me to believe that you’re, what, some kind of Ghost of Christmas Future here to give me some kind of ominious warning? That the Cullens are fucking v-vampires and I’m somehow going to get involved in some big...big dangerous thing ?” Bella asked, her voice pitching up as her hysteria worsened.

“Not just a warning,” the woman said firmly. “I’m here to help. I want to help you, that’s why I’m here and that’s why I’ve been trying to talk to you. Myself and the...the people I’m with, we’ve been trying to figure out how to change things. At first we tried stopping it entirely but...we learned pretty quick that it was impossible. So now we’re just trying to mitigate the damage.”

“What are you saying ?” Bella groaned, putting her face in her hands. “Seriously, what is this? Who are you??”

“I can’t tell you that right now,” the woman said patiently. “Please, Bella. I need you to trust me. I need you to let me help.”

“Why would I do that?” Bella chuckled weakly. “What’s stopping me from telling you to fuck off and telling the Cullens to fuck off and just running back to Phoenix to get away from all this?”

The woman shook her head slowly with a soft sigh.

“I think you know the answer to that better than I do,” she murmured, patting Bella’s hand. “And the answer is...nothing. Nothing at all is stopping you from abandoning them. But is that truly what you want? To leave them to face what’s coming on their own?”

Bella was quiet for several long, long moments.

“It’s not fair,” she said quietly after a moment. “It’s not fair. I just wanted...I just want to be okay. I just want to be normal and safe and I finally felt like I was starting to get solid ground under my feet and then...and then they lied and they’re not even human and they were lying to me t-the whole time!”

The shadow woman didn’t speak. She let Bella ramble and rant, listening patiently.

“It isn’t fair!” Bella shrieked, jolting out of the chair and standing up, her fingers twisting in her hair and pulling it. It didn’t even hurt. Damn dream. “You can’t...y-you can’t do this to me! Fuck! I just want to be fucking normal is that too much to ask!? Can’t I just have a life for once!? Without being hated and hurt and fucking stalked and having the rug pulled out from under my fucking feet every day!? Please !?”

She was practically screaming now, eyes burning. She collapsed to her knees and wrapped her arms around her torso, dry sobs heaving through her chest as she hung her head.

“Please…” she said weakly. “Please I just want it all to stop. I want to wake up. I want to go back, I want to wake up in my bed in Phoenix and have Renee tell me she forgot to eat dinner last night so I get mad at her but I can never lecture her to her face because it’s not her fault that she needs someone to take care of her and I make her breakfast and she tells me I’m a good cook and that I should go to culinary school and I tell her that’s way out of my league, and she hugs me and says I can do anything I want in my life. I want to wake up and hear Phil’s stupid fucking sports car pulling into the driveway to take my mom out for the day and when she gets home she tells me all about her day and forgets to ask about mine because she’s too excited and since I haven’t tried anything again she’s stopped worrying about me so much. I want to go home . Please .”

The shadowed woman knelt in front of her and placed her hands on either side of Bella’s face. Even though there was still no physical pressure Bella felt her head moved up and a cool tingling on her forehead as the woman pressed her own against her, holding Bella’s face in her hands so that their noses almost touched.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so, so sorry Bella. But you can’t. That chapter of your life is closed, no matter how badly you want to go back. You’re scared , Little Bird, I know you’re scared and it’s okay . It’s okay to be afraid. You’re scared and you’re frustrated, and you feel like your life is spiralling and it’s okay .”

Bella heaved another dry sob.

“Fear is good,” she continued. “It means you have something to lose. It means you can recognize danger, that you can keep yourself safe. But you can’t let fear control you, Little Bird. You have to look the fear dead in the face and see it for what it is, accept it, and then move forward. You’re so strong, and you’ll have to keep being strong for a while yet, but I know you can do this. It’s alright. You aren’t going to do this alone, okay?”

Bella hiccuped a little, another dry sob wracking her chest. But they were starting to die down in intensity.

“We’re running out of time,” the shadowed woman murmured. “They’re waking you up. Little Bird, I want to help you, but you have to let me through. You have to open the door, or I can only talk to you like this.”

“How do I even know you’re real? How can I trust you?” Bella said, her voice shaking.

The shadow was quiet for a moment before pulling her face away from Bella, standing up and offering a hand. Bella somehow was able to take it, and she felt herself pulled to her feet. It was so strange, meeting resistance and feeling physical pulls and force without any actual sensation of touch.

“I have a way to let you know that you can trust me. But you’re going to hate me a little bit too,” the shadow said with another sad smile.

“Those two usually don’t go hand in hand,” Bella said with a sniffle, rubbing her eyes more out of habit than a need to dry non-existant tears. “And even if I trust you, how do I ‘open the door’ or whatever? I don’t even know what that means.”

“You’ll know,” the woman said firmly. “You have to want to. If you don’t know, it means you don’t trust me yet and you don’t want to let me in.”

Bella just shook her head slowly.

“I don’t know what to do,” she sighed. “I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions that I’m about to snap in half.”

The shadow laid a hand on her shoulder.

“The Cullens love you,” she said gently. “Trust in that. You don’t know why yet, and I know it seems ridiculous and insane, but they love you. The ones that don’t seem to right now will come to eventually. They take a bit of time to get their heads on straight, but that family would die for you.”

Bella laughed weakly.

“They barely know me,” she pointed out. “You’re just making them sound even crazier.”

Another sad smile.

“It’ll make sense soon. Very soon, actually. They’re really trying to wake you up now,” the shadow sighed. And Bella could tell as well. The walls of the cabin were starting to fade slightly, and the light peering through the curtains was dimming. She felt a bit lighter, as if she was about to fly away. “Bella please...open the door. Let me through. Let me help you with what is to come.”

“Tell me who you are,” Bella insisted. “How do you...know all these things about me, the Cullens? How do you know what’s coming? What do you mean that you’ve been trying to fix it? Do you mean like, some type of Groundhog Day type shit?”

“To borrow a phrase, spoilers ,” the shadow chuckled. “ I’ll tell you what I know will let you know I’m safe, and trustworthy. Just promise to keep the anger for later.”

“Why would I be angry?” Bella asked.

“Because what I’m about to tell you is something very close to your heart. The fact that I will know it will tell you that you can trust me, but the fact that I am about to speak it out loud will make you hate me, at least a little bit,” the shadow said wryly.

“...well now I’m just curious,” Bella muttered, rubbing her arms.

The shadow turned to her and wrapped her arms around Bella in a gentle hug. It was strange, receiving a hug from a shadow, but despite being surrounded by a cool sensation it made Bella’s core flare with a small amount of warmth and comfort. The shadows lips were near her ear, and she whispered.

“We’re out of time. You have to let me in. So I’m going to tell you, and you have to let me in now. Otherwise you will wake and you will forget, and I do not know when we’ll speak again.”

Bella’s eyes flicked to the surroundings and sure enough, the walls and even the floor were completely gone. The chairs, the bed, all the furniture. She seemed to be standing on...nothingness, an empty gray void, only held aloft by the shadow woman’s arms.

“Bella? Can you hear me? Wake up sweetie, please,” came a vague voice from...somewhere. Bella recognized it as Alice, trying to wake her up.

The shadow whispered again.

“Bella. Her name was Anna-Maria. You called her Annie. And you know, deep down in your heart, that she loved you so, so much . And she never, ever stopped.”

Bella’s breath caught in her throat as her fingers dug into her arms. Her vision swam as her heart felt as if it were about to explode. She screwed her eyes shut as many feelings ran through her all at once; shock, disgust, anger, but also an unbidden nostalgia, a warm ache in her chest, and in the core of her gut a solid, immutable feeling that the woman was telling the truth.

“ Fuck you,” Bella choked out, feeling her body go limp. “Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry, Bella,” she whispered.

“Fuck. You,” Bella replied. “You were right. I do hate you.”

“I know,” came the reply. The feeling of the shadows embrace was fading, and Bella opened her eyes. The figure of the woman was nearly gone. She had somehow gone from mostly solid black shadow to a nearly-invisible shade. “I know.”

“But I’m also going to let you in now,” Bella whispered. “If you know that...if you know that, and you are some ghost from the future or some shit, I must have told you. And if...if I told you about her , you must be someone important to me. I wouldn’t tell anyone otherwise. I barely even want to think about it myself.”

“I know,” the shadow whispered. Her voice was fading. “Open the door, Bella. Please.”

And so she did.

Bella didn’t know what she was doing, or how, but somehow she just felt it. There was a door in her mind, a window, an opening, a passage that had been sealed shut. All she had to do was open it, and it was simple once she found it.

The door opened as the gray void rushed around her, her vision clouding as the dream began to pass. She could almost feel her consciousness whisking itself back into her body as she began to wake, and she barely finished opening the door. As she did so she felt something rush into her consciousness like a flood, pouring into her mind.

“Thank you, Bella,” came the voice, but this time it was from inside Bella’s head again. “You won’t remember this conversation. Not consciously. But your subconscious will remember. It will remember how you felt, it will remember the things you said. The catharsis, the resolve, will hold. You’ll be alright.”

“I’m going to wake up now,” Bella whispered. “How will this all work?”

“I have to settle in first,” the voice said quietly. “You’ll see me. In the corner of your eye, or off in the far distance. Your conscious mind needs to acclimate to my presence before I speak to you again, though.”

“Okay,” Bella whispered.

“One last thing before I go,” the voice said. “More than anyone, you can trust Alice. She would probably tear her own heart out and eat it if you asked her to. The others might falter on their paths, they may waver. They’ll all be by your side in the end but the road there will be hard. Except for Alice. Trust her. Put your faith in her. No matter what, she will stand by you.”

“ But - “ Bella whispered. “She lied. They all did. And she didn’t listen to me about Edward.”

“They lied to protect you, Little Bird. They had to. And yes, she didn’t. You’re right. But you saw the distress it caused her when Edward allowed his worst aspects to control him, and by doing so, put you in danger. This will be the last time she ever makes a mistake in regards to your safety.”

“How do you know that?” Bella asked.

“Spoilers, ” the voice said warmly.

And then Bella Swan woke up.

~~~~~

“ Bella?” Alice was saying as Bella’s eyes flickered open. She was on her back. Fingers were stroking through her hair. Her head was in someone’s lap, and she was...she was laying on the Cullen’s couch. “She’s waking!”

Bella groaned and slowly sat up. She had been laying with her head in Alice’s lap, who quickly moved with Bella, gently putting her hands on Bella’s shoulders and helping her sit up. Carlisle was nearby and quickly moved in to start checking her over, and as Bella blinked her vision back from the fuzzy static that had taken over she could see the rest of the Cullens scattered in various places around the living room.

Esme was closest. She was sitting on the floor nearby where Bella’s head had been, and for some reason Bella knew it must have been her fingers in her hair. Emmett and Jasper weren’t too far either, with Jasper sitting in the nearest armchair, leaning over and intently staring at her, and Emmett standing frozen in the middle of the room mid-pace.

Rosalie had moved too. She was no longer at the base of the steps but was perched on the arm of the same chair Jasper was sitting on. There was a book in her hands but nobody in the room believed she was reading it. Her grip on it was slack and though she was facing angled away from Bella, her eyes were just as loudly on her as the rest of the room.

“How long was I out?” was the first thing Bella asked, groaning and rubbing her eyes. “What time is it?”

“It’s about two in the morning,” Alice replied quietly. “How are you...how are you feeling?”

“Did anyone get the plate number of the semi that ran me over?” Bella groaned. Rosalie snorted, rolling her eyes when Esme and Alice gave her reproachful looks.

“What? She’s alright enough to crack jokes, so she’s fine,” Rosalie snapped.

“Glad you think I’m funny, Hale,” Bella grumbled.

“What!? I do not – that was - “ Rosalie sputtered, and Bella felt a swell of pride in her chest for catching her off guard.

Turning to Alice, she looked at the face of her best friend. She had been upset with Alice still for not listening to her, but...the way Alice was looking at her made all her irritation melt away. Alice’s face was creased with worry and her eyes were incapable of lying, full of concern and a fear that Bella recognized all too well. Fear of rejection, fear of someone you cared about turning their back on you.

So instead of the short, gruff words that had bubbled up in her throat, Bella lifted her arms and pulled Alice into them, a hand on the back of her head as she let out a long, slow exhale. Alice sagged in relief and clung onto Bella’s shirt, pressing her face into her shoulder.

“ So. Vampires?” Bella grunted.

Alice nodded into her shoulder.

“Okay. Okay. That’s fine. This is fine. Just...let me get my bearings a little bit, yeah?”

“Of course Bella. Take all the time you need,” Alice whispered.

Bella sighed and patted the back of her head lightly.

“I’ll be okay,” she mumbled. “It’s just a lot.”

Alice nodded and pulled away after a few moments , and Bella could see visible relief on the Cullen’s faces.

“So you’re...you’re chill?” Emmett asked hesitantly. “We’re still buddies?”

“Yeah, man,” Bella croaked, massaging her throat a little. It felt raw, like she had just spent time screaming and sobbing. Had her panic attack really been that bad? “I mean, someone’s gotta make sure you know what your place is in the Mario Kart hierarchy.”

“I’m going to let that slide because I’m glad you’re okay and that we’re chill but don’t think I’m gonna go easy on you,” Emmett warned.

“Bring it on,” Bella said with a weak grin.

Carlisle finished his inspection of her and stood up, nodding to himself.

“You’re fine. Showing some signs of exhaustion and I’d imagine your blood sugar is quite low, so one of us will run out and grab something for you, but other than that you’re perfectly fine. Oh, you’ll have a sore tongue though. You bit it rather hard. By some miracle you didn’t draw any blood.”

Bella stuck her tongue out experimentally and made a face. It was really sore.

“What kind of candy do you like?” Alice asked. “You need sugar.”

“I don’t really eat candy,” Bella said idly, pushing her hair out of her face. “Uh, fruit would be good though. Strawberries? Or like, something like that.”

Carlisle nodded and Esme got up, straightening herself out.

“I’ll be right back,” she said to Bella, reaching out and patting her cheek. “You sit tight, okay?”

“Um...thanks,” Bella mumbled, ducking her head. Wasn’t she supposed to be angry with the Cullens for lying? Why was she feeling all mushy?

Grr. Angry face.

Bella tried to frown really hard, but she was too tired to put a proper mad face on, so instead she just sighed and rubbed her eyes again.

“Okay. I’m just going to get this out of the way. I’m kinda peeved that you all pulled wool over my eyes, but I guess I can kinda get it. It’s not like you can just come up to a girl and be all like ‘hey we’re a group of vampires is that cool with you?’.”

Alice nodded vigorously.

“I wanted to tell you so badly. You have no idea. It was so hard to lie to you even though I knew I had to and I feel really really bad about it,” Alice babbled, grabbing Bella’s hand with both of hers. Bella marvelled at how cool her hands were, now that she knew the reason. Being a vampire was way cooler than crummy circulation.

“There were rules mentioned,” Bella said. “Aside from the whole, I probably wouldn’t have believed you right away thing.”

Carlisle nodded.

“Our people do not have a traditional...government, as you might put it,” Carlisle said slowly. “But it is known that we must keep our presence hidden from humanity. We are stronger, faster, more durable, but even the most powerful vampires in the world could not stand up to the entire human race if it were to be decided we needed to be...eradicated for human safety.”

Bella nodded. That sort of made sense.

“I’m guessing you have questions,” Carlisle said with a half-smile.

“Oh gee ya think?” Bella laughed.

“Ask away. I may not be able to answer everything, but I will tell you what I can,” Carlisle said, sitting down in an empty armchair and folding his hands in his lap.

“Okay. Well. Obvious question. Blood? Drinky drinky?” Bella asked.

Alice giggled.

“We do need to consume blood, yes,” Carlisle said with a dip of his head. “It’s not quite a one-to-one with your need for food, though. A vampire cannot starve to death, but the craving for blood will eventually dominate our minds if we do not feed often enough, and can set us on a rampage of satiation.”

“Obvious follow up question. Human blood?” Bella asked.

Carlisle paused before answering this one.

“Do you recall that I told you that my family has been described as a cult?” Carlisle asked. Bella nodded. “It is because we do not drink human blood. We feed on animals only. Most of our people do feed from humans, but we choose not to.”

“Huh. Why?” Bella asked, tilting her head to the side. “Like, why is that a big deal?”

“There are...many philosophies on the matter,” Carlisle deferred. “Too many to get into tonight. In short, there are trade-offs. The vitae of animals is far less potent than that of humans. Compared to those who partake in human blood, we are slower, weaker, and our gifts are not as robust as they could be.”

“Gifts?” Bella asked.

“Some of our kind are in possession of what you might call ‘superpowers’,” Carlisle said, chuckling. “We commonly refer to them as ‘gifts’. Abilities that are beyond that of the normal benefits bestowed upon our kind.”

“So magic powers,” Bella said with a nod. Carlisle laughed softly.

“I suppose you could call it that, yes,” he said quietly. “Whether or not our species is, as you say, ‘magical’ or simply a more advanced form of nature and science is quite a rigorous debate but...again, there are only so many hours in this night and you have more pressing questions, do you not?”

“Do you guys have powers?” Bella asked, looking around the room.

“I do!” Alice chirped, bouncing in her seat. “I told you! It’s not my fault you didn’t believe me! But I can see the future!”

Bella slowly turned towards Alice, her mouth dropping open slightly.

“What.”

Alice nodded rapidly, her face blurring a little.

“I get visions,” she explained. “If I concentrate I can force them, but sometimes they just happen. Usually they’re about people I know, but sometimes they’re about events that will affect me or the people I care about in the future.”

“Huh,” Bella said. She thought for a few more seconds and snapped her fingers. “When we met, you said...you said ‘things don’t always happen to me the way I want them to’. With that funny word. Verisiwhatsitude.”

Alice giggled again.

“Verisimilitude,” she said with a nod. “It’s actually quite accurate. It’s not like I’m sitting in my own mind watching a television screen, my visions are very...visceral. Very real. A lot of the feelings carry over.”

“So when you were talking about it then…” Bella said slowly.

“I’ve...seen you. In my visions, yes,” Alice said, suddenly seeming quiet and unsure.

Bella was quiet for a moment before continuing.

“How...like, for how long were you uh, seeing me?” she asked.

Giving an embarrassed half-grin, Alice shuffled nervously in her seat a little bit.

“Ah, well, uhm...f-five years? I think?” she said awkwardly. “To be honest I’ve lost track a little. And the visions themselves were all over the place, spanning a very long time so I knew you would be with us for a long time and, well, I suppose I grow quite fond of you in the future and...and things bleed over, so when you finally arrived for real I um…”

“You got excited,” Bella said softly, a small smile on her face as she remembered the first proper conversation they had. “But instead of maladaptive daydreaming, you were seeing like...future me. Future us?”

Alice nodded, squirming with embarrassed discomfort.

Bella leaned back. She wasn’t quite sure what to do with that information. Fate was always something she thought was a bit of a silly concept, but if she was willing to believe everything up to now…

She wanted to dismiss the idea. Vampires were one thing, and the weirdness she had seen and experienced with her senses around the Cullens lined up with that, at least. But future visions? That was almost too much.

But she couldn’t. She knew Alice wasn’t lying to her.

“Well okay,” she sighed. “Are all vampire gifts that insane…?”

“No I’m quite special,” Alice said with absolutely no shame whatsoever. Bella barked out a laugh.

“You got that right,” she laughed.

“Thank you!” Alice chirped. Then she frowned and thought about it for a moment before turning and swatting Bella’s arm. “Hey! Not that kind of special!”

Bella’s laughter doubled and Emmett joined in, his laugh booming through the room. Jasper and Carlisle weren’t immune and Bella could see slight smirks on their faces, and even Rosalie’s roll of the eyes seemed to contain more amusement than irritation.

“ What about the rest of you?” she asked curiously.

Jasper held up a finger and Bella turned to him. He was already answering the question before she could ask it.

“I can sense the emotions of others. It was actually quite difficult to learn how to differentiate my own emotions from what was coming off of others, but once I learned to control it I also learned I could influence the emotions of others, to a degree.”

Bella blinked.

“I’m so sorry,” she said automatically. Jasper frowned, and she got curious glances from the rest of the family. “That you like, have to be around me. My emotions are fucked .”

She felt actually quite guilty and awful now. How many times had Jasper been in the vicinity when she had a panic attack? When the dark clouds that still hung around the edges of her mind got a little too loud?

“Oh,” he said, looking a little taken aback that she was apologizing. “Well you actually have nothin’ to apologize for. I...can’t actually feel you. At all.”

Okay.

Bella couldn’t really tell if she was relieved or insulted.

“I’m not that dead inside,” she grumbled.

“No, I mean,” Jasper said, pausing for a slight grumble under his breath. “My gift simply doesn’t work on you. I’ve been trying to figure it out since that first day when you arrived at school, and I got even more confused when I saw you have a panic attack for the first time and felt...absolutely nothin’.”

“Huh,” Bella said. That definitely made her feel better, then. “Blessing in disguise honestly,” she said with a shrug. “You really don’t want to get all up in here. Why can’t you, though? Did you figure it out?”

“We have a theory,” Carlisle hummed.

“...do I get to hear it?” Bella asked.

Carlisle organized his thoughts for a moment and spoke.

“When a human is turned into a vampire, that is when their gift manifests,” he began. “Most of the time.”

Bella raised an eyebrow.

“Occasionally...very, very rarely, there are reports or accounts of humans displaying...anomalous behavior or abilities. When those humans come into contact with the supernatural and are brought into that world physically, as in, changed so that they themselves are no longer human, those abilities are... significantly amplified.”

“Are you building up to say I’m an X-Man?” Bella asked bluntly.

Carlisle paused and stared blankly at her.

“...you know…” Bella prompted, looking around the room. “Marvel…? The X-Men? Mutants with superpowers? Wolverine and Professor X and Magneto and all that?”

None of the Cullens gave any indication that they knew what she was talking about.

“Emmett?” Bella asked, looking aghast in his direction. He pointed at himself.

“Me? Why me? I don’t know what an X-Man is.”

“How do you not know what an X-Man is,” Bella said, flabbergasted. “You play video games and you know who Mario is but not Wolverine??”

“I don’t keep up with all pop culture!” Emmett whined.

“I...okay,” Bella laughed, shaking her head. “Anyway, sorry Carlisle, continue. You’re going to tell me I have magical juju shenanigans happening.”

“I...yes, I suppose,” Carlisle said with a light cough, seemingly a tad bit peeved that his dramatic buildup had been deflated. “You appear to be a shield of some kind. You cause interference or outright blockages towards all the gifts in the family.”

“Huh. Neat. Who else?” Bella asked, looking between Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie.

Nobody answered her, which got weirder the longer it went on. Bella frowned and looked around again.

“It’s...Edward,” Alice mumbled with a sigh. “He’s the last one.”

“Oh. That’s disappointing,” Bella sighed. “What’s his gift? The gift of being a creepy weirdo?”

Carlisle grimaced at Bella’s words and Alice shrank into her seat a little bit, but Jasper had a wry smile on his face and Rosalie had a brief smile of her own cross her face before it was plastered over with a look of irritation, as if she was upset with herself for agreeing with something Bella said.

“No, he can read minds though,” Emmett said casually.

Bella’s eye twitched.

“He can what ?” she yelped.

“Read minds, yeah. Well like, he can’t just pull whatever he wants out of your head,” he said, frowning. “You have to be like, actively thinking about it at the moment he reads you. He can sort of passively hear everything going on around him, sort of, so like, really loud thoughts he can hear anyway. And if he focuses on you he can get a little deeper into whatever you’re thinking about, like two weeks ago he knew I wanted to eat a bear instead of a deer that day so he just led me to where he had last seen one even though I didn’t say anything but I was just thinking about how bummed I was that we were going to the deer spot instead of the bear spot.”

Bella blinked several times as she tried to process that information.

“S-so that creep has been in my head ?” she gasped. “Ugh! Yuck! Gross! Disgusting! How is that not like, a massive invasion of privacy!? What the fuck dude!?”

“Fucking finally !” Rosalie snapped, throwing her hands in the air. “Someone besides me said it! Yes, Bella, it is a massive invasion of privacy, thank you .”

Bella’s heart fluttered when Rosalie said her name, which almost completely derailed her train of thought about Edward. She stared at Rosalie for several seconds, who was returning the glare she was currently receiving from Carlisle, but her Edward train was firmly re-railed when she heard Alice mumble next to her.

“He can’t help it….” she said quietly. “It’s not his fault...he can’t turn it off, just like Jasp can’t turn off his gift.”

Rosalie snorted.

“That’s a weak excuse,” she grumbled, crossing her arms. “And even if it’s true, which, doubtful, he’s still an ass about it.”

Alice opened her mouth again to presumably keep defending Edward, but then she slumped back into the couch and snapped her jaw shut.

“I hate the thought that he’s been in my head,” Bella groaned.

“He hasn’t,” Rosalie said quickly. “Just like Jasper can’t feel your emotions, Edward can’t read your thoughts. He says it’s like trying to read the thoughts of a brick wall.”

Bella sighed in relief that Edward hadn’t actually been rooting around in her head.

“Okay,” she said after a moment. “I think those are my immediate questions about the vampire thing. I have more but they can wait. My other questions are about the current topic’s subject actually. What the fuck is Edward’s deal?”

Carlisle sighed and hung his head, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. Rosalie’s nostrils flared and it looked like she was gearing up for a rant, but Jasper glanced her way and shook his head slightly.

Then Rosalie physically seemed to relax a little, but given her twitching jaw Bella could guess it wasn’t quite her first choice.

“Edward is...complicated,” Alice said haltingly, staring, for some reason, at Rosalie. “And some things got...messy.”

“That explains very little,” Bella said plainly.

“Something else you must know about us,” Carlisle said with a pained sigh. “Is that vampires mate for life.”

“Like penguins,” Bella said, nodding.

Carlisle looked at her for a moment before chuckling, his shoulders actually shaking a little bit. It was actually the hardest she’d ever seen him laugh, and it was still very reserved and quiet. But he didn’t stop for nearly a full minute, and the entire room seemed to be mirroring Bella’s slight surprise at seeing him do that.

“Yes,” he eventually said with amusement thick in his voice. “Like penguins.”

“So what did Edward like, go all penguin on me?” Bella said, frowning. “Why?”

Carlisle sighed.

“In Alice’s visions of you, which she naturally informed the family about as they occurred over the years, she saw you as a member of our family. As one of us.”

“You mean like…” Bella said, eyes widening. She opened her mouth slightly and pointed at one of her canine teeth.

“Yes,” Carlisle said. “Exactly.”

“...Okay. Huh.”

Bella didn’t quite know what to think of that. She supposed it made sense, why the Cullens had approached her. Why they all seemed so...for lack of a better word, taken with her from the get-go. Well. Except Rosalie.

If they ‘knew’ she was going to be a member of their family someday, she supposed she could see the logic behind it.

“We, at first, did not know the how of your arrival to our family. Namely...whether or not you would be human when we first met.”

Bella nodded.

“Theoretically, I am more than willing to accept any kindred into our family who is willing to follow our rules and stick to our diet,” Carlisle continued, steepling his fingers. “So, at first, we thought that might be the case. That perhaps you were a nomad, or a curious member of another coven who wished to try our lifestyle and simply...stuck around.”

“But…” Bella prompted when Carlisle went quiet.

“Alice’s interpretations of her visions eventually led us to the conclusion that you were brought not just into our family, but into our entire world by us. That, through some series of events, we would be the ones to turn you. And this narrowed down the potential circumstances of such a thing dramatically. There are very, very few situations in which I would consent to the turning of a human being to be brought into our family, let alone our world at all,” he said with a heavy sigh. “It is not a small matter to consider, nor is it a flippant choice to make. A choice like that affects us all.”

Bella thought for a few moments.

Carlisle had stopped talking again, peering at Bella with curious eyes. She once again felt tested, like he was trying to see if she could put it together herself.

“I’m guessing one of these unique circumstances is that, like, if one of you finds your uh, penguin, in a human,” Bella said, awkwardly stumbling over her own simile. Carlisle chuckled and nodded. “So Edward got it in his head that Alice’s visions of me joining the family was because I must be his penguin?”

She turned to Alice for confirmation, but found Alice staring daggers at Rosalie, who was returning the glare with equal force. She looked back and forth between the two sisters.

“Uh. Did I miss something?” she asked.

“No,” Alice snapped lightly. “Everything is fine.”

“You look and sound like you want to strangle your sister,” Bella pointed out.

“She’s my sister. That’s normal,” Alice grumbled. Rosalie just huffed and rolled her eyes, turning her head away from the couch.

“...ooookay,” Bella said, choosing to let it drop. “Am I right though?”

“Essentially, yes,” Jasper confirmed with a sigh, casting his own slightly confused glance between the two sisters. “You see, with a vampire’s mate, it’s not as simple as it is for humans. Humans make a choice to go on dates and if they’re compatible they might eventually choose to get married. We...don’t have much of a choice.”

Rosalie snorted loudly and tossed her hair.

Bella looked quizzically at her.

When Rosalie caught her eyes she paused, and almost seemed to be debating something internally. Then she shrugged irritably and turned away again.

“That’s according to someone who claims to be mated,” Rosalie said pointedly. “It’s not a shared belief.”

“What do you mean?” Bella asked, looking around the room. Everyone looked awkward except Alice, who still looked pissed.

“A vampire’s mate isn’t chosen,” Carlisle said. “It’s a connection beyond the body and mind. A meeting of the souls, almost. We might have dalliances with others, temporary relationships like humans do, but when we find our mate...we know. It’s not something that can be ignored, or mistaken. It can be the first time you’ve met someone and you’d know.”

Bella stopped actively listening the moment Carlisle said ‘meeting of the souls’. Her mind went back to the first time she properly ‘met’ Rosalie, and they had a lovely little hissy fit at each other. That is, until Bella got in her car and…

She shook her head.

There was no way.

If that was how it worked, Rosalie would know. Right? She must.

“I think it’s bull,” Rosalie interjected. “It’s just love. We have heightened emotions. The same thing that makes us faster, stronger? It also makes us more...volatile,” she explained, grimacing and gripping her upper arm slightly. “Your emotions run so much hotter, like an engine being overclocked all the time, twenty-four seven. It makes sense that love would befall the same fate, and make some of us believe in this soulmate nonsense.”

“It isn’t nonsense,” Alice sniped. “It’s not just love, there’s a connection . There’s more to it.”

“Girls,” Carlisle said softly. They quieted down, with Alice crossing her arms and turning around on the couch so her back was leaning against Bella’s side; facing fully away from Rosalie. Rosalie just rolled her eyes and muttered something Bella couldn’t hear.

“I heard that!” Alice snapped.

“You were meant to!” Rosalie fired back.

“Girls!” Carlisle said. He didn’t yell. He didn’t snap or shout. Bella wasn’t even sure his voice went up that much in volume. But it practically thrummed through the room and everyone around him immediately fell silent, and Bella wasn’t quite sure anyone could talk even if they wanted to.

She shivered slightly. Carlisle was really intimidating when he wanted to be.

Her mind returned to her previous train of thought, and again her thoughts were rejected. Nothing happened with Rosalie. She clearly didn’t even believe in this stuff, and the way the others were describing it, Bella was pretty sure Rosalie would know if it was really that strong.

Stamping out the small part of her that still giggled like a schoolgirl whenever Rosalie so much as looked in her general direction, she turned back to Carlisle.

“So...Edward,” she said, trying to get back on topic.

“Yes. Edward,” Carlisle sighed. “He’s...Edward has always been moody. He...he struggles, you see. With the nature of our existence.”

“Once a year like clockwork he goes off on a big fat rant about how we’re all damned to an eternity in hell and that our existence is doomed,” Emmett nodded sagely. “Then he goes to sulk in the wilderness for two weeks before coming home and acting like nothing happened.”

Carlisle coughed.

“Yes. Well. He was raised a certain way as a human and he’s never quite been able to escape his past,” he murmured. “ But he’s always been...troubled. And I believe, through a combination of the inherent secrecy of our existence and his own...troubled thoughts putting him in a cage, he became very...lonesome over the years.”

Bella narrowed her eyes slightly, but she didn’t say anything.

“At first it was myself and Esme,” Carlisle said, a soft, distant smile coming onto his face as he clearly was recalling old memories. “I remember the day I first saw her. Everything changed in a moment, as if my entire perception of reality had immutably changed. But Edward...he was never quite the same, after that.”

“Wait, Edward is older than Esme?” Bella asked, frowning. Carlisle laughed slightly.

“Yes,” he said with a nod. “Physically, he is and always will be seventeen. But his life past his humanity has spanned over a hundred years. Esme hasn’t quite hit a century yet.”

“Huh. I mean, I figured the whole adoption thing was a sham to cover up the whole ‘coven of vampires’ thing but I guess I didn’t actually process that it meant you are all probably drastically different ages,” Bella said with a wry chuckle.

“I am the oldest,” Carlisle said with a nod. “After myself I believe it’s you, Jasper?”

Jasper nodded.

“He and Alice are the newest to our family,” Carlisle continued fondly. “But Jasper has been around nearly as long as I have. Only in...much, much different circumstances.”

Bella gave him a curious expression and Jasper gave her a crooked smile.

“Give it a few decades, an’ maybe I’ll have a story or two for ya,” Jasper said, his Southern drawl a bit heavier than normal.

“Yeah. Okay,” Bella said with a small smile before turning back to Carlisle.

“Edward is next I believe. He was actually...I suppose, the first real Cullen besides myself,” Carlisle mused. “At first it was just us. I never even really expected us to grow to what we are now, and I don’t quite think he did either. And...I’m unsure that he’s adapted to the changes as well as I have, over the years.”

Carlisle was quiet and contemplative, and Bella almost felt like he was talking to himself more than her.

“When I met Esme, everything...changed. We were three, now, and Edward would fret endlessly about it. Constantly worried that if our numbers increased, our ability to hide would in turn go down,” he said, a vague, distant expression on his face. “I always told him he was merely being paranoid but now...now I wonder if it was something else.”

Bella didn’t know what to say, and seemingly neither did anyone else. Jasper and Emmett were listening with rapt attention, and Alice had actually turned all the way back around, her irritation at her sister forgotten in lieu of the words of her...father? Yeah, Bella was just going to keep going with father.

“He would question me endlessly,” Carlisle continued. “ About the bond. What it felt like, what did I think of it, asking me to...describe it to him in as many details as I could. Being scientifically minded myself I simply...I assumed he was curious. I myself had questions about it when peers of mine had met their own mates, and I assumed that he, like I, had taken a purely academic interest in it.”

He went quiet again and nobody in the room dared to interrupt.

“But I fear that I have been...mistaken. Mistaken for a long time,” he whispered.

“What do you mean?” Bella asked.

“...I believe Edward grew obsessed with the concept of the mate-bond,” Carlisle eventually said with a heavy sigh. “The way he would speak about it occasionally, I would brush it off and...justify it, explain it away, but he seemed to believe that when he became mated it would solve his problems. That the reason he was so lonely, so...miserable sometimes, was simply because he lacked a mate.”

Ah.

Bella understood that.

While it wasn’t the same at all, she remembered feelings from the earlier stages of her depression. That maybe falling in love would fix her. That having a girlfriend to hold and talk to and kiss and love and be loved by would be enough to fill in the gaping maw of nothingness inside of her.

It was a hard lesson to learn, and one that Bella did not envy Edward over. She was just upset that she had gotten wrapped up in it.

“When you arrived in Forks, Edward could sense you,” Carlisle continued. “He described a ‘pull’ to you, and a desire to...forgive me, to ‘claim’ you. He was almost...no, he was manic about it, that first day.”

Bella grimaced at his words, and Carlisle mirrored her expression.

“And it is here where I believe I owe you a significant apology,” Carlisle sighed. “I was...blinded by the desire to believe in my son. I wanted him to be happy. I’d watched him torture himself with his own loneliness and obsessions that...I suppose part of me was just happy to hear that it would be over. That he had found his answer. I looked past the actual content of his words and simply allowed my own biases to fill in the blanks.”

Bella blinked as Carlisle leaned forward.

“Bella,” he said seriously. “On behalf of my family, but most significantly myself, I sincerely apologize for the distress Edward has put you through tonight. I am the leader of this coven and the behavior of its members falls on me, and tonight Edward has behaved abhorrently. I will not ask for your forgiveness, and all I ask is for the consideration of my words.”

She didn’t know quite what to say at first, but eventually she just nodded and managed to push out a few syllables in reply.

“S’no big. Edward’s a big boy,” Bella mumbled. “You shouldn’t have to apologize for him.”

Carlisle gave her a grateful smile.

“I am glad you feel that way, even if I disagree with you,” he said, relief tinging his words.

Bella nodded and thought for a while before coming up with another question.

“So...okay, so, if Edward and I actually were...like, bonded, I would’ve felt it too?” she asked. Carlisle nodded. “So the fact that I’m not interested in him whatsoever and he just gives me the heebie-jeebies is like, a definitive ‘no’ that we aren’t penguins?”

He chuckled again.

“Correct,” he said. “Even as a human you would also feel the pull. Muted, possibly, but you wouldn’t be able to avoid him in your thoughts, and you’d find yourself trying to engineer situations in which you could at least be around him. The fact that you’re actively trying to avoid him speaks volumes.”

“Okay. So. Follow up question,” Bella continued. “Why does he think that?”

“Singers,” Jasper said. Bella blinked and turned to him when Carlisle leaned all the way back in his armchair, content to let Jasper explain this one it seemed. “I’ve seen them often and I know what they can do to a vampire.”

“Singers?” Bella asked.

“You’re familiar with the siren song?” Jasper asked.

Bella nodded.

“A singer is a human whose blood is particularly enticing to a specific vampire,” Jasper explained. “Think of it like...think of it like your favorite food, except to the factor of a thousand. You could gorge yourself and still want to eat more until you physically were unable to.”

Bella grimaced.

“So my blood is like... singing to him?” she asked, sticking her tongue out. “Ew.”

Jasper laughed.

“That’s the gist, yes. For someone like Edward with his obsessive thoughts and his particular brand of...stubborn, I can absolutely see him misinterpreting the lure of a particularly potent singer as that of a mate-bond. That in conjunction with Alice’s visions is what probably sealed the deal though. Without the visions, he probably would have assumed that you were a singer on his own.”

“So...how do we de-idiot him?” Bella groaned. “Because like, he’s your brother and all that and I’m guessing that if I’m gonna join your family one day the ideal situation is for us to all get along.”

“It isn’t... mandatory ,” Carlisle said, giving Rosalie a pointed look. “But it is highly encouraged, yes.”

“ And I mean, if I’m joining your family,” Bella sighed.

Alice poked her ribcage.

“The visions are still there. So far it’s still happening,” she said firmly.

“Is that how that works?” Bella asked, frowning.

“My visions are based off the decisions people make,” Alice said with a nod. “I can see several different outcomes to a situation if I simply change my mind to make a new decision, and then the vision changes accordingly. Or not, if that particular decision doesn’t change that vision. The visions I have are all...stored in my head until they either happen or change, in a sense.”

“Like a shelf full of DVDs,” Bella said with a nod.

“...sure,” Alice said with a quick smile. “But the ones I have of you as one of us are still there. They haven’t changed. At all.”

For some reason Bella was quite sure she wasn’t the only one being spoken to with that sentence.

“Okay. But you still don’t know how?” Bella asked.

“Not the exact moment, no,” Alice explained with a sigh.

“But if you aren’t Edwards mate…” Jasper said with a grimace. “That only really leaves one option…”

“...which is…?” Bella asked, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

Carlisle was the one to respond when nobody else did.

“Sometime in the near future you...will die,” he said sympathetically. “And we care too much about you to let you go.”

Notes:

Holy CRAP you guys liked yesterday's chapter and were practically begging for the update to come faster!! So here you go, the closest thing to a double update this fic is probably going to receive~

This is my favorite chapter so far and it's not even close. The first half in particular, but I also love the second half. Writing Bella interacting with the Cullens in a new light is always fun, and I love the way she endears herself to Carlisle without even really trying.

And the voice that's been present for the past couple chapters finally has...well, not a face...or a name...but they're here now!!!! Can you guess who they are~? I think there's MORE than enough information hidden away so far to entirely give it away, but I could be incredibly biased since I obviously know who it is already. If you don't remember from the first time The Voice showed up in Bella's dreams, they are someone who has been directly "on screen" so far in the fic already.

I'm going to refrain from rambling too much about this chapter because it risks too many *spoilers* so despite how much I love it, this is going to be one of the shorter AN's :3

I love you all who are commenting and I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter. And I love all you silent readers too!! But also don't be afraid to say hi down in the comments and tell me what you think of the story so far! I promise I don't bite!!!

ALSO! 250 Kudos cleared and over 100 subscriptions!!! holy shit!!! you guys are so awesome!!! thank you!!!!

Chapter 9: I'll Let It Rush Through Every Window, And Get Ready For The Flood ('Cause This Is What Happens When A Heart Wakes Up)

Summary:

So....you all know that "Rosalie Hale Refuses To Be Happy For Many Chapters" tag...?

Yeah.

I am *so* sorry.

(not really. but kind of.)

“I sense deception to come,
Honestly, truth and I are never one.

‘Cause I am the lying man,
And I have made you my next victim.

Oh, I need you to see through my act,
To tell me I’m wrong, to take off the mask.

Or else I’ll be left in the lie,
And I’ll deceive my way straight to demise.

‘Cause I’m not in a right state of mind,
I just wish I had strength to admit it.

My stubbornness will put up a fight,
But I don’t deserve to win it.

I’m left in the dark pondering my mistakes,
But in the light, I swear I will…

Deny it all.”

~

“Liar”
-
The Arcadian Wild

~~~~~~~~~

“But if you aren’t Edwards mate…” Jasper said with a grimace. “That only really leaves one option…”

“...which is…?” Bella asked. Her face was slightly twisted, her lips turning down. It did not make Rosalie’s gut twist, and if it did, it was simply out of frustration and perhaps a tinge of sympathy.

Nobody responded, and the only thing Rosalie could hear in the room was Bella’s halting breath, quiet and erratic.

Carlisle was the one to respond eventually.

“Sometime in the near future you...will die,” he said sympathetically. “And we care too much about you to let you go.”

Bella’s expression was, at first, shock. Her eyes widened and her nostrils flared slightly, and the sharp intake of breath sent a crawl through Rosalie’s spine. Her hand slowly went to her hair, pushing it slowly back as she began to blink rapidly.

Rosalie could see her eyes begin to shine, and she stood up.

She didn’t want to be here anymore.

No longer needing to hide her abilities she fled from the room at her usual blinding speeds, and she could hear the jump in Bella’s heart rate at her first time seeing a vampire’s speed. But then Rosalie was gone.

She didn’t know where she was going. She just needed to no longer be in that room.

Into the woods she ran, leaping over rocks and logs and debris, weaving and ducking through branches and avoiding birds in flight. Eventually she reached a spot she had come to know as ‘hers’, a small clearing deep into the woods. The ground was already hard in the early winter, with little but the wilting remnants of the clovers and honeysuckle flowers that would populate the floor of the clearing in the spring and summertime.

Rosalie marched over to the biggest tree and leaned against it, her fingers splayed out as she pressed her palms against the trunk. She hung her head and closed her eyes, taking a deep inhale through her nose. She pulled in the scent of the early-winter forest around her, the clear, sharp air pricking her lungs. She didn’t need to breathe anymore, but the smell of the forest calmed her.

The heady, earthy smell of decomposing plant matter half-frozen by the nighttime chills was first, followed by the various traces of animals that had been near recently. A small group of deer, birds and various rodents abound.

Then came the smell of the trees themselves, a subtle tone that Rosalie could never quite put words to. But it was the underlying anchor to it all that kept her grounded, kept her calm. Her ears pricked with the sounds of insects and birds all around her, a sound she had never truly been able to learn how to tune out.

Instead over time it became a comfort to her, being able to hear the gentle buzzing of the small insects and the fluttering of wings, the small tik-tap of a songbirds feet on a tree branch as it settled in to relax.

The clearing was illuminated by moonlight, casting a gentle silver glow over the frosted ground beneath Rosalie’s feet. It made crisp, crunchy sounds as she stepped on it, her shoe grinding the tiny frost crystals into nothingness beneath her.

She took another breath.

Beneath the earth and wood and rot and life and frost and air, there lingered the gentle fluttering of strawberries. Not the cloying, artificial smell of strawberry candy, but the smell of ripe, freshly-crushed strawberries being simmered into jam.

She could almost taste the sweetness on her tongue.

But it was only a memory of a feeling of a taste, an echo. A copy, of a copy, of a copy.

A lie.

Her fingers flexed and she could feel the bark of the tree creaking slightly under the pressure of her grip, so she let go. She didn’t want to hurt the tree. Turning around she slumped onto the ground. Her back felt uncomfortable from the knotted, twisted bark pressing into it, but she didn’t move. She just pulled her knees up to her chest and looked up into the sky.

The moon and the stars greeted her, shining as they always did. Tonight the moon was a little over halfway full. Stars smeared across the sky like glitter freshly-blown out of the palm of a hand floats through the air, and Rosalie’s head made a gentle thunk on the tree as she tilted it back.

She was probably getting bits of bark and dirt in her hair.

She didn’t particularly care at the moment.

“You know,” she said to nobody in particular, her voice barely audible even to herself. “This isn’t particularly funny, anymore.”

At first it had been a prank. Mean-spirited, perhaps, but a prank. Rosalie could handle pranks. Emmett would play them all the time. He would do silly things like turn the shirts on Rosalie’s collection of stuffed bears inside out, or switch her shampoo bottle out with an identical one he had filled with slightly soapy water so no matter how often Rosalie tried it wouldn’t lather.

She would scoff and roll her eyes before fixing whatever he had messed with and maybe swat the back of his head later for the small ones, and shout his name at the top of her lungs and chase him into the woods before tackling him and pulling his hair until he conceded for the big ones.

Alice didn’t normally play pranks on her though. It wasn’t particularly her style. She was mischievous yes, but practical jokes weren’t in her wheelhouse of humor. She liked to verbally poke fun at her siblings, and wasn’t above snickering in glee at the latest victim of Emmett’s pranking habits (he could never get her because of her visions, although he never stopped trying), but performing the act herself was beneath her.

So when Alice had told her of that vision , Rosalie had been caught off guard. Taking solace in the fact that Alice had only heard a voice that was similar to hers, she brushed it off. It was easy to ignore after all, it was just a voice.

Alice had tried pestering her about it, and Rosalie had responded by pushing her away further each time until she stopped.

It wasn’t until the arrival of Bella Swan to Forks that Alice had really started to push her buttons, though, and Rosalie had been thoroughly convinced this was some kind of elaborate joke.

~~~

“I feel pity for her,” Rosalie scoffed when Alice brought to her attention that Bella had arrived in Forks and that Edward had convinced himself that they were mated. “I wouldn’t wish Edward as a mate on my worst enemy.”

“Rose this is serious,” Alice snapped, taking a step closer into her personal space. “If you keep ignoring this, if you don’t step up and put a stop to his ideas, this goes very badly . Okay? So can we please talk about my vision?”

“First of all, even if I wanted to,” Rosalie started, glaring at Alice when she made to interrupt her. “Once Edward gets an idea in his head, it’s not coming out. You know that. Second of all, it’s irrelevant. If Bella is supposed to end up with some woman, whatever he does here won’t matter.”

“Why are you so in denial about this!?” Alice hissed. “This should be good news. You should be jumping and leaping with joy, you should be vibrating with anticipation to see her now that she’s finally here, but instead you’re just going to let Edward go after her!?”

Alice was lucky that she had the foresight to take Rosalie away from the house to speak to her. If she had spoken that within earshot of the family, Rosalie might have snapped.

Instead Rosalie simply felt a flare of anger and gave Alice her best venomous glare, expecting her to balk and cower from it like she always did when she pushed Rosalie’s buttons a bit too much and got bit.

But she didn’t.

Alice just crossed her arms and stuck her chin in the air, taking Rosalie’s glare with a set jaw and eyes burning with barely-contained frustration and...disappointment.

In the end, Rosalie was the one to look away.

She didn’t run away.

She just...had better things to do.

“You can’t avoid this forever!” Alice hissed at Rosalie’s retreating back. “I’ll keep it secret because I know that telling the others would be worse . You’re the only one that can change this. Your decision can avoid a lot of pain, and if you don’t...if you let this happen because you can’t accept that someone might fall in love with you and be your mate, I’m going to be so angry with you!”

Rosalie didn’t respond verbally. She just held up a middle finger over her shoulder.

But she didn’t even get a sense of satisfaction when she heard Alice stomp her foot and huff before turning and running off in the opposite direction.

Instead all she felt was a gnawing pit in her gut that she was desperately trying to ignore.

~~~

Rosalie had simply decided to avoid her.

Both Alice and Bella.

It was easier than answering the questions inside her.

So she shut them down. She occupied herself with thoughts of cars and dresses and everything she knew Edward would expect her to think about whenever he was around. Not that it was particularly difficult for her to avoid her own thoughts, she just put extra effort in when Edward was around.

And she was only avoiding it because it was annoying . Alice didn’t know what she was talking about and Rosalie didn’t feel particularly enthused about informing her, but the little nagging thoughts she put in Rosalie’s mind were simply irritating.

Nothing else.

At least, it was much easier to think that way until Alice decided to drag the stupid human home.

Rosalie remembered that argument quite clearly.

~~~

“Are you all insane!?” she had blurted out during the family meeting where Alice had revealed that she gave Bella an invitation to come over. “This just puts all of us at risk, for no good reason!”

“She’s my mate, Rosalie. That’s the only reason we need to bring her closer to us,” Edward spat.

“Stuff it,” Rosalie snapped. “Sorry I’m not catering to your pathetic needs, I’m trying to keep our family safe. Something the rest of you seem to have forgotten how to do!”

“Rose,” Jasper said patiently. “This is Bella we’re talking about. The Bella Alice has been seeing for years as one of us. She’s going to find out about us one way or another. Isn’t it better to have some sort of control over it rather than leaving it up to fate?”

Edward nodded in agreement, crossing his arms and sneering at Rosalie.

Alice was also glaring at Rosalie. Her attitude had resulted in a few brief looks of surprise from the rest of the family, Alice wasn’t usually one to openly support conflict, but here she was openly siding with Edward.

At least, that’s how Rosalie assumed they saw it.

She knew what Alice was glaring at her over. But she wasn’t about to start entertaining that idea now.

“Yes, we should control it,” Rosalie said carefully. “And that means keeping her at an arms length until we know what we have to do. Alice already said multiple times that she doesn’t know how Bella gets turned. We don’t even know for sure that we’re the ones to do it.”

“It’s the only option that makes sense with how my future self feels about her,” Alice muttered.

“And she’s my mate. Rosalie, I share your misgivings about choosing to turn a human. I do,” Edward said placatingly, muscling through Rosalie’s eye roll of irritation.

“You’re worried that her soul is going to hell if we turn her, not about our safety,” Rosalie said pointedly.

“Be that as it may,” Edward said firmly. “It is still important that she become closer to the family so we can protect her. I am, personally, still advocating against turning her at all . Better to have a short life with her and live the rest of mine with the satisfaction of knowing her soul remained pure rather than damning her along with us.”

“We are not letting Bella die either!” Alice snapped, crossing her arms. Now she was angry with Edward too, which at least made Rosalie a bit happier. “I’m not letting you take my best friend away from me because you can’t accept that our existence isn’t doomed.

“That isn’t your choice to make. She isn’t your mate,” Edward said, his voice tight and laced with acid. Jasper stood up and moved to Alice’s side, putting an arm protectively around her shoulders.

“Isn’t your choice either, Ed,” Jasper said.

“She’s my mate! It is absolutely my choice!” Edward snapped.

“She’s a person,” Jasper said smoothly. “A person who will be more than capable of making her own decisions once she knows everything.”

His voice was as soft as ever, but the menacing glint in his eye was enough to make Edward think twice about pursuing the argument further.

“Regardless,” Edward huffed, deflecting the conversation. “It’s a topic for later, one way or the other. It’s not important right now. Whether or not she becomes...turned, we need to be able to protect her without her asking too many questions or saying too much to the humans in her life. She needs to know.”

“And what will you do when the Volturi come knocking on our door asking why a human knows about us and isn’t turned yet?” Rosalie asked. “They’ll either make us turn her or kill her, or they’ll wipe us all out. That’s why we keep her at a distance. Maybe we aren’t the ones who turn her. Maybe she gets attacked. Maybe a nomad comes through and decides to have a little snack. Maybe it’s not us that turn her, but our family can be there to pick up the pieces.”

Alice huffed loudly, and Rosalie resisted the urge to snap at her. She kept her eyes locked firmly on Edward.

“We keep her here. Safe. They have no reason to find out. They don’t control this country,” Edward said firmly.

“No but they control us because of him,” Rosalie said firmly, pointing at Carlisle.

Carlisle coughed lightly.

“The Masquerade, the Camarilla’s...set of rules on human knowledge of vampires is ...much less strict than the Volturi’s. There are conditions in which a human can become aware without their own life suffering ,” he said carefully. “And while our coven is, theoretically, bound to the laws of the Volturi through myself, as long as we do not flagrantly disregard the Volturi laws they cannot simply show up and enforce them. If we are able to inform Bella in a way that gives us enough plausible deniability...it won’t delay them indefinitely, but it will buy us time should the worst happen.”

“It’s still risky,” Rosalie insisted.

Carlisle dipped his head, his voice infuriatingly patient and understanding.

“Indeed. But one way or another, risk will be involved. Either for ourselves or for her. And, forgive me Rosalie, I know you’re trying to keep us safe. But if she is to become involved in our world someday, I would prefer for that to be through us and not through an attack by some passing nomad or being saved from certain death through turning without knowing what is happening. I would accept the risk the former entails to avoid the latter.”

Rosalie felt the bottom drop out of her stomach when he spoke. Her shoulders sagged and she blinked a few times in shock as Emmett stood up, coming to her side and wrapping his arms around her. Carlisle was giving her a pained smile, and she couldn’t even bring herself to be mad at him for his obvious pity.

Because he was right. What was she even thinking? Had she let her irrational dislike of this random girl grow to such a point where she would choose to put her through something like that, given the option of either that or take a little of that risk for herself?

That didn’t sound like her at all.

The discussion continued without her and Emmett's presence as he led her out to the gardens towards her favorite reading spot. Esme was growing absurdly tall tomato plants, and they grew up and around elaborate twisting vines carved from wood.

Emmett sat her down in her reading chair before settling on the floor next to her, looking around with squinted eyes at the tomatoes.

“What do you think she’s even growing those for? We can’t eat them,” he said casually, leaning back and propping himself up with his hands.

Rosalie blinked and looked at the plants herself. The greenhouse gardens could grow year-round, even in the cold and wet Forks winters. Esme had spent a fortune on them.

“I think she gives them away,” she murmured softly, reaching out and placing a hand on Emmett’s shoulder. His presence was comforting to her, and she squeezed his shoulder as she spoke. “She goes to the PTA meetings with a new foodstuff to give away each time, remember?”

“Ohh, yeah. One of the girls in school came up to me the other week and asked if I could pass on to Esme that the brownies she had given her mom were really good. Esme was really happy to hear that,” Emmett said with a wide grin.

“For someone who can’t taste the food she makes, all the humans she gives it to seem to love it,” Rosalie sighed.

“Maybe it’s a mom thing,” Emmett supplied. “Like she’s part of some like...big mom hive-mind that gives her information on how to make brownies and stuff.”

Rosalie snorted.

“Given some of the packed lunches some of the children in this town bring to the school I sincerely doubt such a hive-mind exists. Some of those lunches are grounds for child abuse,” Rosalie grumbled.

Emmett guffawed and threw his head back. Rosalie smiled softly, the corners of her lips turning up ever so slightly. He always knew how to make her feel better.

After his laughter died down they sat in silence for a few moments before he spoke up again.

“So...when are you gonna wanna talk about it?” he asked quietly. Rosalie’s shoulders stiffened and she pulled her hand away from his shoulder.

“Talk about what?” she replied shortly.

“Bella,” Emmett said simply, not looking at her.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she hissed.

Emmett didn’t give any indication that her anger affected him. It was one of the reasons he was so effective at calming her down. No matter how angry or moody she got, no matter what insults she flung at his direction in her frustrations, he remained unfazed through all of it. He was the one person she could never rattle aside from Carlisle.

He simply leaned forward and adjusted his position so he was facing more directly towards her, but not quite. He faced away just enough to avoid making Rosalie feel crowded, a skill he had picked up somehow over the years without her saying a thing about it.

She never mentioned that she hated feeling physically boxed into a conversation, but he somehow just knew and worked around it.

“Rose,” he said gently. “Don’t make me call you out for lying. That’s not us. We don’t lie to each other, yeah?”

Rosalie frowned and pulled inwards a little bit, shrinking under his gentle voice.

“You’re right,” she said quietly after a moment. “I’m sorry.”

“All good,” Emmett said dismissively. “Why does she rile you up so much? You haven’t even met her yet. It seems like you don’t even want to. Are you that against a new member of the family? You didn’t make this much of a fuss about Alice and Jasper.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Rosalie grumbled.

“Better. At least you aren’t lying to me about it,” Emmett chuckled. “That’s fine. You don’t have to. But you know I’m here if you want to, right?”

Rosalie didn’t reply to him verbally. Instead, after he turned away from her again and started talking about asking Esme if he could use any bad tomatoes she didn’t want to give away to have a food fight with Edward, Jasper, and Alice, she simply returned her hand to his shoulder and squeezed.

He didn’t stop talking, but the subtle change in his expression to something slightly softer let Rosalie know her message was received. She knew. She just...couldn’t.

Yet.

...If ever.

~~~

Of course as soon as she thought about him she smelled and heard him coming.

When they would hunt as a family or in smaller groups, Emmett liked to be big and loud, crashing through the undergrowth and smashing through trees and rocks, his booming laughter scaring all the animals for miles around until someone scolded him into being quiet.

But when he wanted to be, he could be as quiet as any of them. Rosalie only knew it was him because she knew how he ran. He had a unique way of running compared to the rest of them, and his footsteps were uneven.

He emerged into the clearing whistling, with his hands in his pockets. She rolled her eyes when she saw him, and he grinned his big doofy grin at her. Spinning around, he stuck his arms out and fell backwards so his head landed right in front of Rosalie’s toes, and he looked upside-down at her with a smile.

“Fancy meeting you here, pretty girl,” Emmett said in an exaggerated ‘suave’ voice. “What d’you say you and I head back to my place?”

He waggled his eyebrows to punctuate his question.

“Ugh,” Rosalie made an exaggerated gagging noise and kicked his head lightly.

“Hey! This is abuse!” Emmett said, laughing as he rolled to the side to avoid the wrath of Rosalie’s feet.

“You’re disgusting,” Rosalie snapped at him.

“P’shaw. You love me,” Emmett snorted as he settled onto his back, putting his hands under his head and staring up at the moon. “Moon’s getting full. Or is it getting empty? I haven’t looked at it lately.”

“It’s waxing,” Rosalie mumbled.

“Which one is that again?”

“It’s getting bigger.”

“Oh, cool. Why’s it called waxing instead of, I dunno, embiggening?” Emmett asked, frowning.

“I...because it is. And because ‘embiggening’ is stupid,” Rosalie said, exasperated.

“You don’t know, do you?” Emmett asked, his frown immediately replaced with a shit-eating grin.

“Shut up,” Rosalie grunted.

“Kay,” Emmett said. And he did.

The silence lasted all of five minutes before the words couldn’t stay stuck in Rosalie’s chest any longer.

“She was just...she was going to start crying,” she muttered quietly, wrapping her arms around her shins and resting her chin on her knees. “And I didn’t want to see that.”

“Yeah. I don’t like watching girls cry either,” Emmett sighed. “Especially when I can’t punch whatever made them cry.”

“...is she - “ Rosalie started.

“Alice is with her,” Emmett interrupted softly. “She didn’t even get a chance to start crying, actually. You ran out of the house and she immediately started asking if you were okay. Alice said you were fine and you’re just moody and flighty, but she kept glancing at the door until I said I’d come check on you.”

Rosalie’s gut churned again and she didn’t look at him or speak.

She couldn’t decide if she was offended or not at Bella worrying about her. Either way she was upset. Bella shouldn’t worry about her. Frankly, nobody should worry about her. She had a hard enough time accepting that Emmett was going to worry about her whether she wanted him to or not, and that was only because he was unnervingly good at making her feel like it was okay to be worried about a little bit.

But only a little bit.

“She said something. Earlier,” Emmett continued after a few moments. “I heard her over the phone with Alice, when she was trying to convince Bella to let us come get her.”

Rosalie didn’t react to his words.

“She said, and I quote; ‘But then that fucking weird shit happens with your sister’. And I know she wasn’t talking about you randomly dashing off as soon as Alice had that vision about her in Port Angeles, which I’m respecting your space and not trying to get you to talk about but everyone is asking me questions about it and I have nothing to tell them right now.”

“...how do you know that wasn’t what she was talking about?” Rosalie asked.

She could feel Emmett’s eyes lingering on her for a second before he sighed and continued.

“Because she mentioned that directly after. After the ‘weird shit’ she said ‘who just so happens to show up when I’m in trouble’. So...what’s this other ‘weird shit’?”

“Nothing,” Rosalie said quickly. A bit too quickly.

“Rose,” Emmett said.

“Emmett,” she mocked.

He was quiet again for a few minutes and she heard him shifting around. Then he sat next to her, leaning against the trunk of the tree so their shoulders were touching.

“You try to scare her off or something? Give her a shotgun talk?” he asked wryly. “I mean, I know it was before we found out she’s not Edward’s mate but I’m surprised you’d care enough about Eddie to do that.”

“That is not what happened,” Rosalie snapped, turning to glare at him. He met her glare with a grin.

“A-ha! So you admit that something happened!” he said triumphantly, poking her nose.

“I...shut up!” she fumed, turning away from him.

“What’d she do? What’d you do?” Emmett asked, chuckling. “Is it embarrassing?”

“I gave her shit over her stupid truck, that’s all!” Rosalie nearly shouted, slamming her fist into the tree. A loud crack echoed through the woods as the wood splintered.

“...Jeez, Rose, her truck isn’t that bad that you had to take it out on the poor tree,” Emmett mumbled, patting the tree. “Sorry tree. She’s moody.”

“Shut up. It was that bad, first of all,” she grumbled. “And second of all I’m not moody .”

“You’re brooding in your Moody Clearing and punching trees,” Emmett said pointedly. “You’re moody.”

“I – my what clearing!?” Rosalie asked, flabbergasted. “ And I do not brood.”

“Yeah. I mean, you only come here when you’re all upset about something and need some space,” Emmett said with a shrug. “Sometimes it’s like, cus Edward said something stupid again and pissed you off and if you look at his face you’ll try and claw his eyes out so you come out here to cool off, which is chill. But sometimes you come here because something is seriously bothering you and that’s when I have to come pull your brain out of the mud. Ergo, this is your Moody Clearing.”

“...do you even know what ‘ergo’ means?” Rosalie grumbled after a few moments of silence.

“I think so? Did I use it wrong?” Emmett asked, frowning.

“I...no. You used it right. I’m just…” Rosalie mumbled.

“Being moody,” Emmett finished, nodding.

Rosalie sighed irritably.

“Fine. I come here to cool off when I’m upset, yes, but can we please not call it my ‘Moody Clearing’? You make me sound like a child,” she grumbled.

Emmett snickered but didn’t say anything else. He just reached up and snapped a low branch off the tree and dug around in his pockets for a knife. He always carried a pocket knife with him. He pulled it out and started to strip the bark from the branch, shaving little strips of wood off.

Rosalie turned her body slightly to watch him.

He had picked up wood carving and whittling about twenty years ago and didn’t exactly practice consistently, so he was still rather rough with it. But she enjoyed watching him. Even when whatever he was doing didn’t turn out exactly the way he wanted it to, she still found it rather fascinating to watch something...new emerge from what was once just a piece of wood.

When he had shaved most of the bark off he started whittling it down to the vague approximation of a person, with a round face and vague shapes that looked kind of like a torso and legs beneath it.

“Can’t I just be allowed to not want to be around her?” Rosalie sighed.

Emmett paused his whittling only for a second before continuing.

“Sure. You can be allowed that,” he said with a shrug. “But we both know that’s not really true, so something else is clearly going on.”

Rosalie scowled.

“What do you mean by that?”

Emmett shrugged.

“When Alice had that vision that she was going to be attacked in Port Angeles by those weirdos you ran before she even finished explaining it. Even Edward was so surprised he didn’t say anything mean. And when she passed out earlier you kept inching across the room to get closer to her.”

“I was just changing where I was sitting,” Rosalie huffed.

“Yeah. By getting closer to her an inch at a time every few minutes until you were only a yard away,” Emmett chuckled.

“I hate you sometimes,” Rosalie grumbled.

“Yeah. I know,” Emmett sighed. “But that’s not special. I think everything and everyone that has been in your presence has been the victim of your hate at least once.”

The simple statement hit surprisingly close to Rosalie’s chest, and she felt herself physically wince. Emmett didn’t look the slightest bit apologetic even as he saw her face twist up for a moment as she shrank back from him for a second, and she took a slow breath.

Neither of them spoke again for a while.

“D’you like her?” Emmett asked.

Rosalie shot to her feet and stomped several feet away from him, balling up her fists and wrapping her arms tightly around her torso.

“What!? No! What the fuck, Emmett!? What on earth makes you think that!? I feel the exact opposite , for your information,” she shouted, whirling around and staring daggers at him.

“Why?” he asked, a curious frown on his face.

“Are you stupid?” she asked. “She’s putting us all in danger just by fucking existing. She should be running away from us, not asking a bunch of questions about us and making us all even more fucked ,” Rosalie spat.

Emmett’s expression didn’t change. He kept whittling the little figurine.

“I don’t think so,” he said. “Alice’s visions already told us she was going to be part of the family eventually. And like Carlisle said, it’s better if it’s us. I certainly don’t want her to get hurt if she doesn’t have to.”

“She’s abusing her truck! You know how much it pisses me off when people don’t take care of their cars!” Rosalie shouted, throwing her hands up in the air.

“But why not just teach her how to take care of it?” Emmett asked, puzzled. “It’s not like she’s some stranger who’s mistreating their car that you’re never going to see again. And, I dunno, I think she’d be interested in learning if you offered.”

“If you think she’s so fascinating why don’t you just ask her out then,” Rosalie hissed. “Since Bella’s so fucking great and all.”

“Because that’d be weird ,” Emmett said. “I don’t feel like that about her. I mean, yeah, she’s cool, and I like that she played Mario Kart with me and that she wants to keep playing video games with me. I think she’s funny, the way she talks with Alice is great. You should hear them together at lunch, the way they bounce off each other is hysterical.”

Rosalie’s eye twitched at the mention of those lunches. Ever since Bella had been by the house, Emmett and Jasper had taken to joining Alice for lunch at school with Bella, despite Rosalie’s protests that it was a bad idea.

“And she’s really nice,” he continued. “I mean, I can tell she’s way more comfortable with Alice than me or Jasp. But she always tries to talk to me as much as she does to Alice, and she asks me about the stuff I like and says really nice things to me. Y’know, she’s the only person who ever calls me smart?”

Rosalie blinked.

“I was talking to her about Halo,” Emmett shrugged. “And how I could beat the hardest difficulty without dying once now. She said that was really cool and I must be pretty smart to do that, and when I tried to tell her that I’m not really that smart, I’m just good at video games, she did this scoff that kinda reminded me of you and said ‘There’s multiple ways to be smart, Emmett’ and patted my knee.”

“Okay, whatever, so she’s nice ,” Rosalie muttered, looking away. “That doesn’t mean I have to like her.”

“Yeah. I guess,” Emmett said quietly. “It just feels like part of you likes her and wants to be near her because you keep doing it, but the rest of you feels like you’re ‘supposed’ to not like her for some reason.”

“What on earth have I done to give you that impression!?” Rosalie asked, completely befuddled.

“You mean besides running off to her rescue before the rest of us could even blink?” Emmett asked with a wry chuckle. “You watch her. At school.”

“I do not!” Rosalie yelped.

“Please,” Emmett said dismissively. “You’re the reason most of the boys stopped trying to go up to her after the first few days.”

Rosalie went quiet at that. He wasn’t supposed to have noticed that part.

“At first I thought you were just hating on teenage boys on principle again,” Emmett laughed. “But every time one of them would try to walk up to Bella in the halls while you were nearby, you’d glare at them until they wet their pants. People at school think its because you’re protecting your sister’s best friend. Jasper thinks you’re just happy for an excuse to make teenage boys uncomfortable, and Edward thinks...thought, that you were helping protect his mate for him.”

“...who says it isn’t any of those things,” Rosalie whispered.

Emmett shrugged.

“Me. My gut. The way you’re acting about it. Pick one, I guess. I had suspicions, and then the way you ran off to help her that day made me really certain that something weird was going on. Then she rejected Edward, which was like, whoa . And then I heard her over the phone, and now you’re acting...like this ,” he finished, gesturing vaguely at Rosalie’s...everything.

“What are you trying to say?” Rosalie hissed, her eyes burning a little.

Emmett was quiet for a moment.

“Can I ask you a question and get an honest answer? Just answer this one question, and I’ll drop the whole thing,” Emmett said, standing up and tossing the finished figurine in his hand a few times.

“Depends on the question,” Rosalie muttered.

“Rose.”

“...fine.”

Emmett came up to her and stood facing her directly. His hands were in his pockets, and he was looking at her with a soft intensity that made Rosalie feel like he was looking straight through her.

“That ‘weird shit’ Bella was talking about...did you bond with her? Is Bella your mate?” he asked.

Rosalie lifted her chin up and stared directly into Emmett’s eyes, ignoring the burning from tears that could never come. She clenched her fists.

“No,” she said firmly.

Emmett stared back into her eyes for what felt like a long, long time.

“Okay,” he said simply, with a nod. “Okay.”

“You believe me?” Rosalie asked hesitantly.

Emmett shrugged.

“I don’t think it matters whether or not I believe you,” he said quietly. “I think what matters is whether or not you believe you. I asked for an honest answer and I’m gonna trust that you gave me one, and drop it.”

His words formed a fist around Rosalie’s heart and squeezed, and she resisted the urge to speak. He stared at her for another few moments before pulling something out of his pocket and tossing it at her, walking out of the clearing as he did so.

“That’s for you, by the way. I’m gonna head back to the house and let everyone know you’re still in the country,” he said with a slightly hollow chuckle. “Seeya, Rose.”

Rosalie caught the thing he had tossed at her and opened her mouth to reply, but he was already gone.

She was alone.

Opening her hands, she looked down to find a carved wooden figurine in her hand. It was crude and rushed, but she recognized it for what it was; a small wooden representation of the human girl currently sitting in Rosalie’s living room.

Emmett had carved a little face on her, with a wide grin. She had her hands in her pockets, because Emmett couldn’t whittle hands yet.

Rosalie stared at the figurine as she slowly began walking, further into the woods. Away from the house.

Away from everyone who could hear.

Eventually she came to a small cliff, overlooking even more woods as far as she could see. Still staring at the figurine, she slowly sank to her knees and held it in her hands. Unconsciously, she ran a thumb slowly across the face and hair of the figurine, feeling the rough nicks and marks of Emmett’s knife.

Then she clutched the figure to her chest, and screamed.

Her eyes screwed shut as they burned. The sound pierced the air around her, sending birds fluttering from their perches on the trees around her and small rodents scattering for cover. If she were still human, she vaguely wondered if she would have torn her own throat open from the force of it all.

She screamed until the air in her lungs ran out, and then she took a heave of breath with a dry sob before screaming again. And again. And again.

Finally, she lifted her arm and flung the figurine over the cliff with a final, throat-rending scream before doubling over, her face in her hands as dry sobs wracked her entire body. Her heart was wailing inside of her, and she wished beyond wishing that she could crack her own ribcage open and tear out the traitorous muscle in her chest, set it ablaze, stomp on it until it couldn’t speak.

And through it all, gentle beneath her nose lingered the faintest smell of strawberries.

~~~

When she finally returned to the house, the sun was barely beginning to rise. She carefully closed the door behind her, pushing a hand into her hair and grimacing as she felt bits of bark and pine needle. She needed a shower.

Rosalie turned around and walked into the living room, immediately pausing upon the sight she walked in on. Bella was laying on the couch, fast asleep.

None of the other Cullens were in the room . None of them were even in the house, except Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle in his study, where she couldn’t hear him and he couldn’t hear her unless either of them were particularly noisy. But she could occasionally hear his footsteps as he moved around, perhaps walking a little louder than was necessary in order to make sure his family knew where he was.

Esme she could hear humming softly to herself somewhere in the kitchen, and she could smell something being baked. It was something chocolate, she could tell that much. A dull thought pushed forward an odd factoid that Carlisle must have told her at some point towards the front of her mind, that chocolate contained a chemical that made humans happy.

Rosalie wondered if Esme was making something for Bella to cheer her up. She expected to feel irritated by the fact that her family was coddling the human so much, but instead she only felt a dull ache in her chest and a small stab of jealousy.

It was smothered immediately as she cast another slow look around the room.

She supposed the others must have taken the opportunity to hunt before Bella woke up, with Carlisle and Esme staying behind in case Edward came home. None of them were expecting it, but Rosalie certainly wouldn’t put it past him.

Slowly, quietly, hoping to avoid being noticed by her parents, Rosalie approached the girl sleeping on the couch.

She knelt onto the floor by her head and watched her.

Bella’s breathing was even and soft, and she could see her eyes fluttering slightly from the deep sleep she was in. Her heartbeat was gentle, a steady, even pitter-pat . She looked at her, really looked at her for the first time since... that .

Her eyes were closed, but Rosalie knew exactly what they looked like.

She looked a little more pale than usual, and Rosalie realized for the first time that Bella had faint freckles scattered around her nose and cheekbones, only now visible upon close inspection. She wondered if they would come out more in sunlight.

Her hair had fallen in locks around her face and before Rosalie could stop herself, she reached out a hand and with a tenderness she did not know she was capable of until now, carefully tucked the errant hair away from Bella’s face and behind her ear. Bella let out a soft, contented exhale and Rosalie felt her heart break all over again.

Rosalie didn’t know what she was doing.

She didn’t know what was happening to her.

She hated everything about it.

She hated Bella’s hair and how it fell around her shoulders and framed her face perfectly.

She hated Bella’s nose and how it sat perfectly on her face.

She hated Bella’s hands and how delicate they looked.

She hated Bella’s eyes and how she somehow managed to contain so much beauty in a simple pair of brown eyes.

She hated Bella’s lips and how they formed a perfect little pout whenever she was concentrating on something or was thinking particularly hard.

“Why?” Rosalie whispered subsonically, so low that not even Esme could hear it from the other room. “Why me? I was...I was doing fine . Why did you have to do this to me? I hate you. I hate you so much….”

Bella, of course, did not respond. But she did shift slightly in her sleep, a soft hum in her throat as she shifted slightly closer to Rosalie. Freezing up, Rosalie couldn’t make herself move as Bella’s head slid off the pillow she had been given just enough so that her forehead gently bumped against Rosalie’s collarbone.

Soft breath brushed over Rosalie’s skin and it nearly set her on fire.

She grit her teeth and clenched her jaw, screwing her eyes shut as she flexed her fingers. She wanted to rip Bella to pieces, to sink claws into her and – and – and…

A soft hiccup came from Rosalie’s throat as she gently, oh so gently, cupped Bella’s head in her hand and shifted her back onto the pillow. Her skin was so soft that it nearly made Rosalie want to cry, and she pulled her hand away before she did something stupid like stroke the idiot girl’s hair again or run her thumb across her stupid lips.

Rosalie carefully got to her feet.

She took one last agonizing look at the peaceful sleeper below her before whirling around and moving as quickly and as quietly as she could up the stairs, to lock herself in her shower and not come out until she had extracted every last bit of warm water from the pipes.

And as she sat under the pounding heat of the shower head, she couldn’t help but compare the warmth of the water to the warmth of Bella’s breath and skin, and was angry when she discovered that the water was severely coming up short.

She had been fine .

Rosalie had been perfectly content living her greyscale life, keeping herself safe behind layer after layer of protective gray padding and wool and steel blast doors that would keep anyone who could hurt her out.

She had been fine .

She had been safe .

She had even begun to start appreciating the nuances of gray, and telling herself that it was alright that it was all she would have for the rest of her existence. She didn’t need what Alice and Jasper had, what her parents had.

Better to learn how to live with the gray than let herself be hurt again.

And then Bella Swan, with her black hair and brown eyes and pale skin and gray-white-black t-shirts and her dark jeans had somehow, for the first time in decades, given Rosalie a singular, infinitesimally small droplet of color in her sight again.

She hated it.

It was terrifying.

It was painful.

She wanted it to stop.

She tried to force it back to gray again. Tried to stop the traitor in her chest from functioning properly, tried to kill it, smother it, drown it.

But no matter how long Rosalie sat under the shower, she could never stop smelling the strawberries.

 

 

Notes:

Man. I'm usually pretty emotionally resistant to my own writing, I have to run through my own scenes several times in my head at the *very* least before I write them most times and when I'm actually writing I don't really exist as a person because I'm fully channeling the muse inside of me, but this chapter...

This one hurts, man. All I can tell you is that I promise it will get better.

One more Rose chapter after this one that will show the altercation between Ed and Jasper, and somewhat begin the process of Bella slowly acclimating to the 'correct' version of the Cullens. With some...hiccups. Now that the shock is over and done with, Bella isn't exactly going to be...happy with them. After that we're back to Bella POV, I think.

Comment! I love comments! I try to reply to as many of them as I can but sometimes I do forget, so if you *want* me to reply to you you're more likely to have that happen within a day or two of a chapter update :'D

Anyway. Love you all, thanks for enjoying this ride with me so far and once again, I'm quite sorry about the abuse I've put your heart through and will continue to do so for a while.

Chapter 10: I Am A Heart On Fire, And All The World's A Fuse So Don't Get Close

Summary:

In the aftermath of Emmett confronting her in the woods, Rosalie feels things begin to shift and change within herself despite her best efforts. She tries to avoid Bella for the day, but can't help but listen in on the conversations she has with her family. Meanwhile, she introspects about herself and her family; the relationships she has with them and how they formed. Then, without even fully understanding or accepting it, a decision is made and Rosalie has no choice but to let herself follow through.

Rosalie intended on avoiding Bella for the rest of the following day.

She could hear her wake and begin moving around the house. Her house. Talking to her family. It made Rosalie’s gut clench as she grit her teeth, trapped in her room. She grabbed a book and tried to read, tried to drown out the sound of the girls voice with the words on a page.

It didn’t work nearly as well as she would have liked.

Bella’s voice still floated up from the first floor, brushing off another apology from Carlisle and indulging Emmett in a few races of Mario Kart. But as she spoke more, Rosalie began to pick up an odd tone.

The way she was speaking to her family was clipped and cool, withdrawn. A stark contrast from the usual warmth and playfulness in her voice when she spoke to Alice, or the hesitant fondness that was normally present with Emmett.

In fact, the only person Bella continued to speak to as she normally did was Jasper. And even then there was something new, and different. She spoke to him more often than she spoke to the other two, asking him hesitant questions about himself. More specifically, about his gift.

While she still spoke to him as though she was unsure how to approach him, her voice still held its usual gentle and warm qualities.

She wondered if it was because of Jasper’s actions the previous day.

~~~

“Edward,” Jasper said, his voice hard and cold like steel. The Cullens were gathered in the living room, as Edward had called them all for a meeting. About Bella. Something urgent, according to him. Rosalie almost didn’t bother attending, but something in her gut told her she should.

Edward hadn’t even gotten to start talking when Jasper approached him. He crossed the room, holding himself tall and formidable. Rosalie remembered a slight shiver going down her spine, a tinge of the slight awe and fear the other Cullens outside of Alice held for Jasper.

It seemed to be the desired reaction as Jasper stopped in front of Edward. While the two were relatively close in height, the few inches Jasper had over his brother seemed amplified in that moment, as if he were towering over him.

Edward looked confused at first, and then upset. Clearly he had read his brother’s mind and was displeased about what he found there.

“You dare,” Edward hissed.

“Boys?” Carlisle asked, his voice low and warning. Jasper ignored him.

“What did you do to her?” Jasper asked, crossing his arms. His voice was steady, but his eyes were storm and ice. “Why is Bella afraid of you?”

All the air in the room seemed to vanish when the words fell from his lips. Emmett’s eyes went wide and Esme softly gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. Carlisle frowned, his brow furrowing in thought.

Rosalie felt her lip curl into the beginning of a snarl as she glared at Edward. She knew this was a bad idea. All of this.

Alice, meanwhile, was glaring as well, but not at Edward. Rosalie could feel her sister’s eyes prickling the back of her head, but didn’t give her the satisfaction of glancing over to her. She knew what she would see.

“She is not afraid of me! How would you possibly think that!? You aren’t able to feel her just as I cannot read her!” Edward snapped, jabbing a finger into Jasper’s torso and baring his fangs.

“I don’t need to use my gift to read between lines, Edward,” Jasper said, taking another step towards his brother. “You tried to push yourself on her. Even asked us all to leave so you could ask her privately. I thought that was a bit odd, and now I know why. She isn’t your mate, is she?”

Edward stepped back.

“How dare you?” he hissed, his voice low as he bared his fangs. “You know nothing! She is my mate. She is...she is just human , that is all, she is human and cannot interpret her own feelings properly. Just because we had a little stumble does not mean anything.”

“A little stumble?” Jasper asked, raising a single eyebrow. “You call that a little stumble? Her words to me indicated otherwise. Indicated that she gave you a very clearly defined, precise, ‘no’, and you refused to listen.”

“I - “ Edward hissed, taking another step back and clenching his fists. “She’ll come around. She just needs to spend more time with me. Us. The bond needs time to strengthen.”

Jasper slowly shook his head.

“I should have seen it earlier. Should have noticed the signs,” Jasper murmured. “She’s not your mate, Edward, she’s a singer.”

“No!” Edward shrieked, throwing a hasty punch towards Jasper.

The family all seemed to move at once, all trying to prevent the impending altercation they knew was inevitable, but Jasper was faster.

In a moment he had Edward’s collar in his hands and had dragged his brother outside, throwing him onto the ground. Edward slid across the grass from the force of Jasper’s throw before quickly scrambling to his feet.

Jasper walked towards him. Slowly. Purposefully.

“Try again,” he said with a voice like a glacier.

“She is my mate!” Edward spat, standing up and attempting to stand tall.

“She isn’t. She declared quite firmly that she had absolutely no interest in you,” Jasper replied, continuing to advance. “If she were your mate, even with the bond’s dulled feelings in a human, there would be something. A flicker. A hint. There is none. She is a singer, Edward. That is the pull you feel.”

“Liar!” Edward shouted before flying at his brother again. His fist collided with Jasper’s shoulder, and a loud crack echoed through the grounds as Jasper grit his teeth and grunted. Rosalie winced as she heard his shoulder shatter.

Jasper didn’t flinch away from the blow, nor did he respond in kind. Instead he used Edward getting close against him, using his good arm and closing his fingers around his brother’s neck. With a grunt he lifted him an inch above the ground before forcefully slamming his body into the dirt, pressing him down and nearly crushing his throat. Even with a shattered shoulder he was able to use one arm to keep Edward down, placing a knee on his chest.

Esme had her face buried in Carlisle’s chest. Carlisle’s face was flicking through dozens of different emotions, and even his decades of practice at keeping precise control over his body wasn’t enough to hold them back. Shock, betrayal, anger, hurt, disbelief.

Emmett looked like he couldn’t decide between intervening or just letting things happen, his fists clenching and unclenching as he stood behind Rosalie.

Alice was still inside. Rosalie could still feel her eyes on her.

She wasn’t with them, worrying herself into a conniption about Jasper, so Rosalie knew. Alice saw this coming. She saw this coming, and she blamed Rosalie.

Jasper said nothing as he held Edward on the ground. Edward tried a few flailing punches and kicks, but with each attempt Jasper tightened the hold on his neck until Edward went limp. Edward knew, just as the rest of the family did as they watched, that Jasper would snap his neck without a second thought if he needed to.

There was a reason all of them except Alice, and perhaps Carlisle, were still a little afraid of Jasper.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Jasper said, his voice carrying even though he was quiet. “Please, Ed. I don’t want to hurt my brother. Just calm down, and we can talk this out. You can apologize to Bella and keep your distance for a while, we’ll get it all sorted. It can all be okay. But you have to calm down and listen .”

Edward was quiet. He must have responded in a way that wasn’t verbal, because Jasper slowly let him up.

As soon as his hold was loosened, Edward sprang backwards several feet. His hands went to his neck, gritting his teeth and wincing slightly in pain as he massaged it. His eyes as he stared at Jasper were full of a burning anger, and Rosalie heard Alice’s hiss of anger before it happened.

Before Alice could move, Edward was gone. He turned and ran away from Jasper into the woods at blinding speeds, fast enough that the rest of the family knew immediately it wasn’t worth trying to pursue. Edward was always one of their faster runners.

Alice immediately went to Jasper, leading him to the family and fussing over his shoulder.

“That wasn’t supposed to happen,” Alice fretted, gently running her fingers over Jasper’s shoulder over and over again. “He was supposed to stay – I – I s aw him stay! He was supposed to listen to you and – and –“

“He changed his mind, luv,” Jasper murmured, burying his nose in Alice’s hair. “You know your visions aren’t guaranteed, even up to the last possible point of divergence.”

“But –“ Alice continued to fret, and Rosalie could hear the distress in her voice.

Carlisle seemed to snap out of his funk as the duo got closer, and he quickly went over to inspect Jasper’s shoulder. Jasper didn’t make any noise, but Rosalie could see his eyes flashing in pain. Her own shoulder spiked for a second as his gift involuntarily sent a small flash of his pain out to the rest of them, and she winced.

“Broken. In several places,” Carlisle sighed. “Come with me. I’ll brace it. It will heal in a matter of hours.”

Jasper said nothing. He merely nodded and followed Carlisle into the house.

Alice at first made to go with him, but then she paused. Rosalie saw her eyes go cloudy, and her expression relaxed into a blank, neutral expression. Esme quickly rushed over to her, putting steadying hands on her shoulders.

Rosalie and Emmett simply watched and waited. Both of them still in a slight state of shock at what they had just witnessed. They both knew Edward was growing more and more obsessed and unstable, but they didn’t think it would result in...this.

Then she spoke, her voice distant and eerie the way it always was when she spoke during a vision. One foot in reality, one foot in dreams. Her voice almost had a slight echo to it, a slight desync from her lips. Her mouth would move and then a fraction of a second later her voice would emerge, always sounding vaguely like it was coming through fog.

“He’s just running right now, he – he doesn’t know where. The Denali’s maybe, he keeps going back to that. I don’t know. He doesn’t know.”

Rosalie cannot help but feel the smallest prick of relief in her stomach when she hears that Edward is running away, and not running towards –

“Wait – “

No.

“No. No no no, Edward, don’t,” Alice whispered, suddenly clutching onto Esme’s arm like a lifeline. Her legs started to give out from under her and Esme caught her, slowly lowering her to the ground. “Edward please. Just go to the Denali’s. We can still fix this. Just go to Alaska, please .”

He wouldn’t.

Alice lets out a soft whimper as her eyes clear up, and Rosalie knows. She knows what her sister has seen and it takes everything to keep her feet planted where they are, to not immediately go running like she did to Port Angeles. Once was understandable, twice would be too much. Too many questions that couldn’t be avoided.

“Alice, sweetie, what’s happening?” Esme asked softly, cupping Alice’s cheek and holding her gaze.

“Bella. We have to call Bella,” Alice gasped, immediately digging around her person for her phone.

“Oh no,” Esme whispered.

“Shit,” Emmett muttered.

Alice was already dialing. Bella picked up quickly. Rosalie didn’t hear her voice. Her ears heard the sound, but her mind couldn’t process the order the words were in. She backed up into the house, not wanting to hear it.

“Bella?”

This couldn’t be happening.

Rosalie sank down into an armchair and wrapped her arms around her torso. Her family didn’t even glance at her. Esme and Emmett were hanging onto every word of Alice’s conversation with Bella. Carlisle was still tending to Jasper, and most likely having a discussion of their own in his study about Edward.

“I need you to look out your window for me,” Alice said. Rosalie barely picked up on it, her voice was so quiet.

She knew she was being quiet to avoid being heard in case Edward arrived.

“Please, Bella?”

Rosalie felt her guts churn. She idly wondered if vampires could still vomit without eating human food first.

She heard Alice request that Bella come to the house.

A few moments later she felt the rush of air as Emmett and Alice whipped through the room towards the garage.

Esme slowly approached, kneeling on the floor next to Rosalie and placing a hand on her knee.

“Rose?” she murmured softly. “It’ll all be okay. Edward is just...struggling. Jasper will heal in no time, and we’ll fix it all. I’m not letting my family be torn apart like this. It’ll all be okay.”

Rosalie doesn’t want to seek comfort from her mother’s touch. Her words fall flat on Rosalie’s ears, because Esme doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know. Rosalie doesn’t care if Edward leaves. She knows Jasper will be fine. She knows the rest of her family is smart enough and strong enough to not let Edward’s hasty and foolish actions rip them apart.

Esme does not know the real reason Rosalie feels a gaping maw in her stomach threatening to swallow her up from the inside out.

She does not know the real reason Rosalie wishes to join Edward in fleeing, but away from Bella and not towards her.

She does not know the depths of Rosalie’s own hatred at herself for not immediately ensuring Bella’s safety on her own. How the knowledge that Alice and Emmett are, at this very moment, speeding towards her to protect her floods her veins with fire and loathing, burns her throat with venom that will inevitably twist itself into words in due time.

Esme does not know, and because of this, Rosalie finds herself hating her a little bit too.

She hates everyone a little bit right now.

Nobody knows.

Nobody cares.

It’s supposed to work that way, and it’s supposed to be fine.

So why is she so angry over it?

Why can she not just simply fix it?

Why?

Rosalie does not answer her mother with words. She reaches out and removes her hand from her leg before slowly standing up and walking upstairs to her room, waiting for Bella’s inevitable arrival at the house with dread and wrenching hate twisting deep in her torso.

But more than anything, more than Edward’s actions or Esme’s ignorance or her family’s indifference or Bella’s mere existence putting her family at risk, the hate Rosalie feels for those things pales in comparison.

All if it is nothing compared to the hate Rosalie feels towards the small pocket of her heart that waits for Bella’s arrival not with dread, but with joy.

~~~

“Did he hurt you?” Bella’s voice floated up from downstairs.

Bella must have seen Jasper still slightly favoring his other arm. While a vampire’s broken bones and torn muscles would knit themselves back together in anywhere from seconds to hours for mild injuries, and they could theoretically recover from anything except their bodies being burned, they would still feel sore for quite a while afterwards.

Rosalie had gotten into a few scraps over the years. A few of her own with Edward, in the early days. Nothing too severe, but she knew first-hand how strong his fist could be. She idly rubbed her upper arm as she remembered one of their more...violent disagreements.

She couldn’t even remember what it was about, now.

But she remembered that it was one of her first real injuries as a vampire, and complaining to Carlisle. Asking what the point of healing so fast was if it was still going to hurt anyway. He had just chuckled at her and explained that healing so quickly came with its own unique challenges and downsides, that new muscle would be sore for a while as it settled in with the rest of the body.

He had told her a story, amusement dancing in his eyes, about the time Edward had gotten his leg broken in a scrap with a nomad and it had healed wrong, causing Edward’s feet to create nearly a perfect 90 degree angle if he stood with his heels touching.

Rosalie had laughed with him.

It was the first time Rosalie had really started to think of him as a father.

“Don’t get too close,” Jasper said in warning, and Rosalie heard a few hurried footsteps as Bella retreated. “Sorry,” Jasper continued, his voice a bit softer. “You just...please don’t take offense, but you smell good. And I’m still…”

“Jasp is still getting used to the animal diet,” Alice said, finishing his sentence for him. “When you do it long enough, and with enough practice, you can control the bloodlust around humans but the control is never quite as strong as it would be if you fed on them regularly.”

“You used to eat people?” Bella asked, and Rosalie was surprised to hear that her tone was not accusatory, but rather curious.

“Before Alice,” Jasper confirmed, his voice strained and tight. “I’m not proud of it.”

“I don’t think less of you for it if that’s what you’re worried about,” Bella said pointedly. “I mean, if you just ate anyone maybe I’d have an issue. But, I mean, even if you did, you don’t anymore, right?”

Jasper was quiet, and Rosalie let a small smile onto her face as she pictured the stunned look that must be on his face. She could feel it a little as he projected his emotions to the household. He still couldn’t quite nail down keeping his own feelings inside when something caught him off guard, and it was a little endearing sometimes, if a bit annoying occasionally depending on which emotion he was pushing out.

“You are the strangest human I’ve ever met,” Jasper commented. Bella let out a bark of laughter.

“Listen, last week I was worried about like, homophobic high school students and making sure I don’t get held back for a third time in my high school career, and today vampires are real, there’s a whole family of them that wants me to join them, and I’m being stalked by one of them. You don’t get to call me strange.”

Jasper chuckled and Rosalie moved closer to her door, sitting so her back was against the wall.

She didn’t want to listen closer to Bella’s voice.

She just...didn’t want to sit in her chair or on her bed right now.

“So…” Bella continued. “I smell good to you?”

“Not the same way you do to Edward,” Jasper said hurriedly, trying to reassure her. “You just smell like all the other humans do to me.”

“And that’s hard for you?” Bella asked. Rosalie could hear the frown in her voice.

Jasper took a moment to respond.

“When you feed on humans regularly, you’re able to control it better,” Jasper said slowly. “And, according to the others, when you feed on animals and avoid human blood for long enough, it gets... easier . Never quite as easy, and it takes active effort, but it’s doable. Alice is able to hug you and bury her face right in your neck without wanting to bite you.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that ,” Alice said awkwardly. “You do smell very nice and I have no doubt you’d taste quite delightful. And I don’t think Emmett could hug you like that, and he’s been doing this longer than me. I just like you too much and that overrides my desire to feed on you, because I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Esme hugs me,” Bella pointed out, her voice immediately slightly clipped and cool as she addressed Alice.

“Esme is a mom,” Alice scoffed. Her voice wavered slightly, and Rosalie could tell she was upset by the way Bella had been speaking to her all day, but she seemed quite determined not to show it. “She’s also the closest thing I’ve ever seen to a pacifist vampire.”

“What about Carlisle? Didn’t he start the whole ‘no eating people’ thing because he didn’t like hurting them?” Bella asked.

“Carlisle doesn’t eat humans the same way some humans are vegan,” Jasper cut in. “He’s not a pacifist. He isn’t fond of violence, for certain, but he’s aware that it’s an unavoidable part of our lives and isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty if necessary. I think the only thing that could drive Esme to violence is a threat to her children, and she’d probably be traumatized for the rest of her life about it.”

“Huh,” Bella said. “So because you don’t eat people it’s hard for you to be around them?”

“Think about it this way,” Jasper said after another few moments of silence. “You know how humans get addicted to things? Drugs, alcohol, stuff like that?”

Bella must have nodded during his pause in speech.

“Imagine if...imagine if, instead of something like heroin or cocaine being something you did to get high, it was something that actually sustained you,” Jasper said. “You could ingest it and it would fuel your body like food does, better actually. It makes you feel better than food ever could, gives you more...energy, more strength. And it doesn’t hurt you at all. But, for whatever reason, doing that hurts other people. I can’t think of a good way to fit it into the analogy so just...work with me here,” he said, chuckling.

Bella laughed in response.

“I get what you mean,” she said. “So it’s like getting clean.”

“Basically,” Jasper said. “At first it’s nearly impossible, and - “

“And you’d do anything to get a fix,” Bella murmured. “I know.”

“...personal experience?” Alice asked hesitantly.

“No,” Bella said with a distant sigh. “I just know.”

There was quiet, Rosalie assuming her siblings were either waiting to see if she would elaborate or just giving her a bit of space.

“So you’re in the stage of quitting where like, you’re fine most of the time, but if they put the drug in front of you it takes a lot of willpower to resist? How do you like...go to school? ” Bella eventually asked.

“Yes, that’s essentially it,” Jasper confirmed. “ School is...difficult. It takes a lot of control, and I try to avoid being in close proximity with anyone for too long. And Alice is usually with me. If not her I have Rosalie or Emmett helping to keep me grounded.”

Bella made a soft noise of acknowledgment in her throat.

“Is me being here causing you trouble? I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in your own home…” she said meekly after a moment.

“You aren’t causing me distress,” Jasper said gently. “If anything it’s good for me, good practice. I just don’t want you to get too close. I don’t think I’d...hurt you, I think I could stop myself. I’m more worried about scaring you.”

“You’re sweet,” Bella said with gentle affection, and Alice huffed.

“Don’t go moving in on my man now Bella,” Alice teased lightly.

Bella snorted.

“Please. He’s pretty but I am still very thoroughly gay.”

Rosalie blinked at that.

Gay?

Did she know that already?

She cast her thoughts to everything to do with Bella, everything Alice had told them. Of course there was...there was that vision, but, well, that wasn’t evidence. And besides, she could’ve been bisexual.

Gay.

Rosalie looked at her hands.

The ghostly sensation of Bella’s hair between her fingers flickered across her skin and she frowned.

“You still haven’t answered my question by the way. Did he...hurt you? I can see you wincing every time you have to move that arm.” Bella said, her voice hesitant and worrying.

“I spoke to him, like I told you I would,” Jasper said, his voice taking on a very matter-of-fact tone. “He disagreed with what I had to say and decided to express that with his fist rather than his words.”

“I’m sorry,” Bella replied.

“Don’t be. It was his choice,” Jasper said dismissively.

“You still got hurt because of me,” Bella mumbled.

“Bella,” Jasper said firmly. “I did not get hurt because of you. I got hurt because Edward has the emotional regulation of...well, a moody teenage boy. The fact that you were involved is tangential at best. This isn’t the first time he’s physically accosted a family member in a disagreement and it probably won’t be the last.”

“What!? This has happened before?” Bella yelped.

“A few times,” Jasper sighed. “Edward doesn’t take very kindly towards being disagreed with. It’s...been a problem for a while now. Emmett’s had a few scraps with him. Rosalie, too. Doesn’t happen often and he usually just sticks to words and sulking, but…”

“We all have our flaws,” Alice said quietly. “I’m not defending him, but none of us are perfect. He’s just...a lot more outward with his imperfections.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Bella muttered.

“If it helps, me and Emmett have gotten into a few fights that ended in blows. Rosalie and myself, too, once, ” Jasper said wryly. “Rosalie wasn’t exaggerating when she talked about how much hotter your emotions run as a vampire, how volatile we are. We are creatures of impulse and vice, and the ability to resist is less common than you might think. Compared to some other covens and nomads we’ve all met over the decades, we’re downright docile.”

“Practically domesticated,” Alice giggled. “So, yes, Edward tends to get physical when his emotions run a bit wild. But I promise you, among the rest of our kind he’s no more aggressive than a particularly irate puppy.”

“He’d hate that you said that,” Jasper chuckled.

Rosalie had to stifle a small laugh at that as well. The image of Edward as an impotently angry dachshund wouldn’t leave her mind, and she had to clamp her hand over her mouth.

“I guess that helps a little bit,” Bella said hesitantly.

“We also heal very fast,” Jasper continued. “He practically shattered my shoulder, and it’s good as new now. Just sore. It’s actually quite difficult to do lasting damage, physically, to a vampire, so that contributes somewhat to our tendency to solve disagreements with fists.”

“...I still don’t like it,” Bella grumbled.

“We’re not saying you should,” Alice said quickly. “We’re all very upset and disappointed with Edward over his behavior, towards you and Jasper. We’re just explaining why the lens of judgment is a bit...skewed compared to when humans physically attack each other, where there’s a real threat of lasting harm.”

“Hm,” Bella said. She continued after a moment, asking a new question. “So you guys are like...immortal immortal then. Can you actually be killed? I’m assuming if you recover that quickly from a super busted shoulder that silly stuff you see in the movies like a wooden stake would probably just be kind of annoying.”

Jasper burst out laughing, and Rosalie felt his mirth. It wasn’t often that Jasper laughed, and she felt the first positive feeling towards Bella that she didn’t immediately try to smother. No matter her own thoughts or feelings on the girl, Rosalie always had a soft spot for her ‘twin’ brother.

Anyone who could make him laugh like that would earn a few points in Rosalie’s book, however begrudgingly they were given.

“If you tried to stab me with a wooden stake, you’re more likely to give yourself a splinter,” Jasper eventually said, chuckling. “But we aren’t truly immortal. If you behead a vampire, that will take them out of commission for a while. We’re also not particularly fond of silver, it’s not lethal to us like it is to other supernatural creatures but it’ll do more damage than anything else. And if you burn a vampires body, that will kill them. For good.”

“Fire and silver. Classic,” Bella snorted with amusement.

“Every myth has to start somewhere,” Jasper said idly. “They’ve all got a nugget or two of truth in there, somewhere.”

They all went quiet again for a while until Bella spoke up again, her voice hesitant and wary.

“So...like...where, uh, where do you think he uh...is? Should I still be worried? Cus like, Charlie texted earlier asking when I was planning on coming home so like…”

Rosalie could feel the pulse of stress and anxiety from Jasper, and she clenched her jaw.

“I don’t know,” Alice mumbled. “He keeps changing his mind. He hasn’t been back to the house, yours or ours, but he hasn’t left Forks either I’m sure. He keeps flipping between going to the Denali’s and staying here and trying to wait us out, to try and get you alone.”

Bella’s increase in heart rate was noticeable, and Rosalie forced herself to remain still and silent.

“Is my dad okay?” Bella whispered after a moment, her voice thick with emotions. “I can’t...tell him anything, can I…?”

“I’m sorry Bella,” Alice whispered. “We’re bending the rules enough already by telling you. Edward isn’t going to hurt Charlie though, I promise. He’s...Edward is a lot of things, but he’s not going to hurt anyone innocent.”

Jasper made a soft hum of agreement, and Bella’s heart rate slowed down a little.

“Okay,” Bella whispered.

“We should discuss what we’re going to do though,” Jasper said pointedly. “Obviously Bella you’re welcome to stay here whenever you like, but…”

“Charlie will ask questions if I’m here for longer than another night,” Bella sighed. “I can buy that much time, but I have to go back to school and he’s going to start getting suspicious if I try and stay longer than that.”

Rosalie could hear the rest of her family drifting into the living room.

“Then let’s plan,” Carlisle’s smooth voice came. “All of us. We’ll keep you safe Bella, and we’ll figure out a way to do so with minimal impact on the people around you or your own life.”

“...okay,” Bella said, her voice once again back to cool and clipped.

There was a moment of hesitance from the room, and Rosalie could hear Bella sigh irritably.

“Look. Stop acting like hurt dogs just because I’m not exactly thrilled with you. You explained yourselves last night, and like, I get it, okay? Things got out of hand and it’s not exactly your fault, but it’s still because of your family that my life is getting thrown all topsy turvy and I’m getting stalked by a dude who thinks I’m destined to belong to him forever or something. I’m not happy . I’m not like...mad at you, I guess, and I’ll get over it eventually but right now you’re just going to have to deal with me being a bit pissed off. Kay?”

No one responded right away, and Rosalie felt a flicker of what felt like respect in her stomach before it was smothered with an overwhelming feeling of guilt and sadness, a mixture that was then itself smothered by a blazing irritation and anger.

She could practically feel Jasper wince from downstairs as the whirlwind of her emotions slammed into him.

Rosalie felt bad for about half a second before she just got annoyed with herself again.

“Okay Bella,” Alice mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” Bella sighed. “Just...stop. You’ve already apologized and repeating it is just going to annoy me further. So just stop.”

“Okay.”

There were another few moments of quiet before Bella cleared her throat.

“So. I’m assuming I need a superpowered escort around town, now, until Edward is either gone or comes grovelling home and you can keep a better eye on him?”

“That was going to be my suggestion, yes,” Carlisle sighed.

Bella grunted in acknowledgment.

“Where’s Rosalie?” she asked after a moment. “I haven’t seen her since she ran away last night. Shouldn’t she be part of this talk if this involves all of you? Is she okay?”

A beat.

Rosalie knew Bella had asked after her last night. Emmett had told her.

But hearing the concern coming from her own mouth was a much different thing than hearing it secondhand. Her muscles tensed and she felt that damned impulse to move physically closer to the girl, to make her presence known. To assuage the worry.

Rosalie bit the inside of her cheek, hard, as she squeezed her eyes shut and dug her fingers into her hair. Her body nearly ached from how hard she was resisting the urge to move , to go, to…

“She is here,” Carlisle’s voice came in reply. “If she wants to have her own input she’ll come speak. But she will hear everything we say.”

“Oh,” Bella said quietly. “She can?”

“Vampire hearing, sweetie,” Alice said apologetically. “Carlisle’s study is the only room in the house that’s soundproofed enough to block out some noise, and even then you still have to be quiet or we’ll hear it.”

“...so every time I had a panic attack in the bathroom at school – “ Bella started, her voice thick with embarrassment.

“We heard you, yes,” Alice finished, sympathy in her words. “You have no idea how hard it was to resist just rushing to you every time.”

“...not sure how I feel about that,” Bella grumbled. “But I guess there isn’t exactly anything I can do about it so, okay. She can hear us and if she wants to talk she’ll come say it herself.”

“Did you want to talk to her specifically?” Alice asked curiously.

Rosalie felt murderous, and clenched her fist. She hadn’t been blind to the fact that Alice had been subtly interfering this whole time. It had been naive of her in the beginning to think that just because Alice had dropped the subject with her for the most part that she had given up entirely.

Every time Alice would say something to push Bella towards her, Rosalie would feel a flare of anger. For her own wishes being disrespected, for the blatant manipulation Alice was putting Bella through.

But to call Alice out on it would be, in some small way, to admit that Alice was correct.

So silent she remained.

She felt a simmer of calm on the outskirts of her emotions and knew that Jasper was trying to soothe her. A bit of his own confusion bled through, the same that had been present previously as well. Rosalie had been a bit less subtle than she had thought, apparently, and more than just Emmett had begun to notice her erratic behavior and feelings.

Rosalie shot a spike of anger and hatred right back at Jasper’s face and she felt him withdraw from her feelings, the eerie calm disappearing.

“I dunno,” Bella replied to Alice. “She just ran out last night suddenly and I know Emmett said she was just kind of like that and she’d be okay, but...she seemed really upset.”

“If you have anything you want her to hear, she will hear you,” Emmett said, speaking for the first time since Bella beat him again at Mario Kart that morning. He must have been a bit put out by Bella’s standoffishness and gave her some space.

Quiet once again settled over the house, except for Bella’s slightly elevated heart rate and shallow, nervous breathing. Rosalie frowned at the evidence of her distress, annoyed. She knew Bella couldn’t exactly just leave with Edward still out there, but still. If she was so unhappy with them all she shouldn’t bother.

“I just hope she’s okay,” Bella sighed after a moment. “I mean, I know she doesn’t even like me, but still.”

“Rosalie doesn’t like anybody,” Jasper chuckled. “Well, except Emmett.”

“And even then she doesn’t like me all the time,” Emmett replied.

“That’s because you pull stupid pranks on her all the time,” Jasper pointed out.

Emmett snickered.

“Yeah because it’s funny and I can’t prank anyone else. Alice and Eddie always see them coming, you and Carlisle are too scary, and I’m nowhere near mean enough to prank Esme.”

“How am I scarier than Rosalie?” Jasper asked.

“Cus,” Emmett said casually. “You’re just really intense, dude.”

Rosalie frowned at the entire exchange. That wasn’t true. She liked her family.

Well.

She didn’t like Edward very much, but one out of six wasn’t that bad.

Was that really how they saw her?

She recalled Emmett’s words in the clearing the previous night, about how everyone and everything that has been in her presence has been a victim of her hatred at least once. How he said it so casually, like it was a mere statement of fact.

Sure, Alice annoyed her sometimes and Jasper’s insistence on trying to mess with her feelings when she was upset bothered her. She maybe resented Carlisle and Esme’s favor towards Edward a little bit, and was frustrated by the fact that they seemed to always listen to him instead of her.

But every family had conflict. That didn’t mean she didn’t like her family.

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Bella said.

Rosalie blinked in surprise at her unlikely defender.

Nobody responded verbally, but they must be looking at Bella in some sort of way, because she immediately follows up with defensive words.

“What!? I just don’t believe that’s true. I mean, yeah, she makes a horrible first impression but she’s your family isn’t she? If she didn’t like you she’d probably just leave. I think saying she doesn’t like anybody is a bit unfair.”

“...Rose is just…” Esme began hesitantly.

“Difficult,” Alice chimed in awkwardly.

“Difficult,” Bella repeated, the tone of her voice giving away exactly what she thought of that statement. Namely, that it was absurd.

“It’s not that we actually think she dislikes us,” Jasper said hesitantly. “She’s just...prickly. Like a cactus. And she’s not afraid to spike us.”

“We just say that sorta stuff to tease her a little bit,” Emmett said awkwardly, seemingly a little ashamed from Bella’s reprimand.

“You know she can hear you right? If she can hear me she can certainly hear you,” Bella said pointedly.

“Trust me it’s nothing we haven’t said to her before,” Alice sighed. “All of us have tried to get her to open up a bit more, to just...relax a bit. To stop being so…”

“Difficult?” Bella asked sardonically.

“I was going to say closed off and angry all the time,” Alice said, slightly defensive. “I don’t call her difficult to insult her. I love my sister, which she very well knows. But she also pisses me off in a way very few people have been able to and I’m a very easygoing person.”

Bella huffed and didn’t reply further, leaving Rosalie in a mild state of shock. The discussion picked up again about how they were going to keep Bella safe, how they would take turns walking with her in the halls at school and make sure she got home safe. Setting up a system for Bella to check in with them when she was going somewhere so one of them could tag along, either directly or at a distance.

Rosalie didn’t pay attention to most of it.

She was too busy rolling Bella’s words around in her mind. Unpacking them. Picking them apart, word by word, syllable by syllable, letter by letter.

Bella was defending her.

And even Rosalie couldn’t delude herself into ignoring the tone of Bella’s voice. Bella was insulted . On her behalf.

Bella, the girl she had been nothing but rude and angry towards since meeting her, was defending her to her own family. Was insulted on her behalf by her family’s assumptions and words, words that, while they stung Rosalie inside she couldn’t exactly say were...incorrect.

She was prickly. She was closed off and quick to anger. She didn’t appreciate her family poking into her business or her mind, she didn’t appreciate the way they tried to peel her apart and get her to ‘relax’. She knew that they were doing it out of a desire to... help , but that didn’t mean she liked it.

All for good reasons.

It wasn’t her fault her family couldn’t understand. None of them could.

Carlisle had turned her for Edward. Because Edward felt entitled to her. Was convinced that he could make Rosalie into his mate, a notion that Rosalie swiftly disproved. Violently.

Esme would try to mother her. Rosalie didn’t need mothering. She accepted the role Esme played in her life and felt some modicum of familial affection for her, but she didn’t need to be coddled or treated like she was fragile. Which Esme did.

Alice couldn’t understand why Rosalie hated the concept of being chained down by vague fate, why the power of choice was so important to her. She had genuinely disliked her at first, with Alice’s tendency to invade the futures of her family members and blurt out her observations at her heart’s desire.

At first it made her feel the same way Edward made her feel. Stripped naked without permission, exposed. Her privacy taken from her, her freedom, her ability to choose. To be her own person.

Unlike Edward, Alice at least learned. She still didn’t understand entirely, but what she did understand was that her actions upset Rosalie. So she stopped. They were never...close, despite Alice’s many attempts, because Rosalie could never quite trust someone who could invade her privacy and her personhood so freely, but they got along.

She just didn’t understand. So Rosalie had to keep her out.

Jasper and Emmett were the closest to understanding her, but they still needed to be kept at a distance. She wasn’t shy to admit that, at first, she had been afraid of Jasper.

She could remember when he first arrived on Alice’s arm. One pair of yellowish-orange eyes, and one pair of eyes so red they might as well have been made of blood themselves. The presence Jasper had that day was seared into her mind.

As Alice had explained to Carlisle and Esme who they were and why they had come, Jasper was staring at all of them. Appraising them. Judging them. Rosalie couldn’t say why she knew this, but she knew that Jasper was assessing them all as threats.

The scars that littered his body told their own story that day. Alice tried to skirt around it, tried to downplay it, but Carlisle knew. Rosalie knew.

The only way a vampire gets scars like that is through repeated, brutal violence. Not just the occasional scrap. But war.

True war. The kind where the violence is nearly daily, the kind where a vampire finds themselves ripped apart and put back together so many times that even their natural healing starts to lag behind and begins to become patchwork. Takes shortcuts.

So yes, she had been afraid of Jasper. And even as he integrated into the family and she learned more about him as a person, even as they began to slowly bond as ‘twins’, and even if she cultivated a particular fondness for him, that fear would always keep him at an arm’s length.

Rosalie had been hurt before by men who made their lives in violence. She would never let it happen again. It would sadden her when Jasper would make the scant few attempts he did to grow closer with her and she would shut him down. She could see it in his eyes that he knew.

He knew that she was judging him on his past, that there was little he could do in the present to change it.

But he bore it with a steadfastness and a calm, quiet acceptance that Rosalie couldn’t help but admire. He wore the horrible actions of his past quite literally on his skin, and made no secret of the fact that the vast majority of his life was full of nothing but pain and regret. Especially his life as a human, which he once told Rosalie was his biggest regret of them all.

And then there was Emmett.

Big, loving, lovable Emmett.

Once, perhaps, Rosalie had thought of him as the closest thing she would ever have to a true partner to spend her life with. She had always been very careful to avoid getting too involved, too attached.

Because Rosalie was the reason he was a vampire.

She didn’t know why she did it.

She saw him go down, as a human. Couldn’t help herself as she rushed to his side, his body draining itself of life.

Rosalie wanted to help him. She had never seen death like that before. Never seen an innocent person die in front of her. Watched with her own two eyes as blood spilled from veins onto the grass in front of her.

And when she looked into his eyes, her face full of panic and fear, what did Emmett do? Did he cry in pain, did he beg for help?

No. Of course he didn’t.

He looked at her and smiled . He looked from her face to his gaping, bleeding wounds and with a wheezing laugh, looked back to her and said;

“You think this is bad, you should see the other guy. I think I got him pretty good.”

Neglecting to mention, of course, that the ‘other guy’ was a bear . Which, upon having this pointed out to him, only made him smile wider.

“ Yeah. Awesome way to die, right?”

She had taken him to Carlisle directly afterwards. Not knowing what she expected she picked Emmett up and ran , ran faster than she ever had in her life. Blood stained her clothes and in the back of her throat she could taste the iron in the air.

Carlisle would later commend her on her self control. Praise her for not taking the easy feed given to her, for not letting go of her control. But Rosalie had never once even entertained the thought. The iron she could taste and smell did not whet her appetite.

Only her panic.

She had placed Emmett in front of Carlisle and begged him to help. Begged him to save a life. Carlisle had gone to work immediately, doing what he could to staunch the bleeding. But when he stood and looked at her with sorrow written across his face Rosalie had refused.

Refused to accept it.

She planted her feet in the ground and demanded that Carlisle save his life. She would take responsibility for it all.

It was a long few moments of staring before Carlisle gave her a nod.

Emmett never blamed her. Quite the opposite, in fact.

He would thank her.

Out of all of them, Emmett was the only one who seemed to have absolutely no reservations about being a vampire. Even Alice, who could remember nothing but, had occasional bouts of self-deprecation and doubt. But Emmett embraced the life whole-heartedly, reveling in it.

They grew close. Rosalie cared for him deeper than she could have ever imagined caring for another person again. He was her best friend, a rock to lean on, an occasional confidant. But even still, she kept him at arm’s length.

She blamed it on many things. Her guilt for having him turned, because she was too selfish to watch such an innocent soul die. His childish nature. His whole-hearted near-celebration of his new life that clashed against some of the core pillars of Rosalie’s self.

Whatever it was, she would not allow Emmett into her heart either. He still got much closer than the rest, through sheer persistence and an almost bullheaded unwillingness to let Rosalie bully him if nothing else, but even he would stop pushing eventually.

Even he realized she wasn’t worth it, eventually.

He couldn’t understand either, in the end. He thought the same of her that the rest of the family did, only he was a bit more willing to put up with her bitterness and her lashing tongue. But just because he was a bit more willing to endure her did not mean he understood her.

None of them did.

And through all of it, she could never remember any of them, even Emmett, defending her to the others. They would talk about her, of course. All the family was used to overhearing discussions about themselves, it was inevitable.

But they would share their frustrations over trying to interact with her. Express in very similar words to how they just did to Bella that Rosalie was difficult . Comfort each other that it wasn’t their fault that Rosalie was difficult .

And yet.

Rosalie couldn’t think of a single kind word she’d said to Bella.

She agreed with her about Edward and his mind-reading, but she wouldn’t necessarily call that kind. There was that note she had left on her truck, but that wasn’t kind . Anyone who had just been through what Bella had been through that night should receive some small consolation. It was just basic decency.

And then she thought about Port Angeles.

Hearing Alice begin to explain the vision she just had, and…

~~~

“We need to help Bella,” Alice said quickly, her voice pitched and strained. “She’s going shopping in Port Angeles today and she’s going to be held up in the parking lot trying to go home, some guys are going to try and hurt her and her friend.”

Jasper and Emmett had both been about to speak, with Edward looking fiercely angry. Rosalie knew the moment the words came from Alice’s mouth that nothing productive was going to happen in the next thirty minutes.

There would be debates over what they could do to help without revealing themselves. What would be acceptable, how they would have to play it.

A waste of time.

Rosalie’s feet were moving before she had even finished processing the thought. She was in her car and peeling out of the driveway before her family could even register that she was leaving.

Her phone buzzed incessantly in the passenger seat, with Edward showing up on the caller ID.

Rosalie suppressed the urge to crush her phone in her hand and just turned it off, stuffing it into her pocket.

She drove fast.

By the time she was parking and getting out of her car she could already hear the voices. She heard Bella’s friend, Lauren, a girl she recognized from school. She heard the two men, arrogance and predatory glee thick in their voices.

Rosalie saw red.

Even through her rage she was controlled, however. She knew just how much strength to use for it to be believable, if a bit shocking. The girls would be too relieved at the rescue and too shocked from the events to question things too much, so she was able to be a bit more liberal with how hard she hit them.

The first man went down like a sack of potatoes, and Rosalie could feel his skull break under her knuckles. She passed it off as a concussion, for Lauren and Bella’s sake. What the other man believed wouldn’t matter soon enough.

When the knife came out she almost rolled her eyes.

The next punch shattered a jaw and sent him to the ground the same way his friend fell. Lauren was gaping at her with wide eyes as Rosalie made a bit of a show of shaking her hand out and blowing on her knuckles, acting like the punches hurt her hand.

“Holy shit,” Lauren whispered after a moment, her voice trembling fiercely. “You just knocked those guys out cold.”

“Yeah, well, they were asking for it,” Rosalie muttered. She crossed her arms and turned towards the girls. Lauren was still gaping at her, but Bella wasn’t meeting her eyes.

Bella’s eyes were blank and lifeless as they fixated somewhere to Rosalie’s slight left. Her knuckles were white from her grip on Lauren’s arm, a grip that tightened as Rosalie turned towards them.

Rosalie felt a burning jealousy flare through her body and stiffened, smothering it out. She didn’t have time for that right now.

Her lip curled slightly before she yanked her cell phone out, turning it on and muttering more to herself than anyone else.

“I should probably call the cops. But instead I’m just going to call Carlisle.”

He would like to be informed that Rosalie was disposing of two bodies tonight.

“Why not call the cops!? These fuckers should be locked up!” Lauren blurted out. Rosalie pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried to wrangle a likely-sounding excuse together.

“Because I just gave these two excellent examples of humanity severe concussions and the cops can arrest them at the hospital just as easily as the parking lot,” Rosalie said, keeping her voice level and patient as she pulled up Carlisle’s contact. Hopefully that was buyable enough.

“Rose,” Carlisle said simply as he picked up.

“Got two for you,” Rosalie said simply.

“I see. Am I to assume this is merely an informative call, and not that you are actually bringing them to me?” came the reply. His voice was steady and calm, giving away nothing about his feelings.

“Yeah.”

“And there’s nothing that can be said to change your mind?”

“Yeah. I’ll take care of them.”

“Rose. If you need help…” Carlisle tried, his voice taking on a gentle tinge.

“No. I will take care of them,” Rosalie said firmly, interrupting him.

“...Very well,” Carlisle sighed. “You are aware that I love you?”

“...Yeah.”

“You are cared for, Rose. Remember that. I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye. See you soon.”

She hung up and turned back to the girls. Their expressions hadn’t changed. She stepped over the men and towards the girls, bending over slightly and looking at Lauren. They were both in shock. Bella was clearly worse off, but she needed to see if her friend needed to be checked up on as well.

“Mind if I touch your face?” she asked Lauren, trying her best to channel Carlisle’s bedside manner.

“What for?” Lauren asked, looking afraid and suspicious.

“I want to check you for shock,” Rosalie said patiently, knowing that the poor girl had just been through something harrowing and didn’t need sarcasm back. “So I’m gonna check your pulse with your neck and look at your pupils, and I’m gonna ask you a few questions.”

After a moment, Lauren slowly nodded.

Rosalie reached out and grasped the girls chin in one hand to hold her head in place and placed two fingers on her pulse point with her other, doing her best to not breathe in. Having her fingers right above an artery made her self-control difficult enough to maintain, and the smell of fear in the air was distracting.

She asked the basic questions to assess Lauren, to make sure her basic mental faculties were intact. When she was satisfied she let the girl go.

“You seem okay. Obviously your pulse is up but that’s normal, but otherwise you seem alright enough to go home.”

“Okay, uh...what about Bella? She’s my ride,” Lauren said, looking towards Bella and wincing a little. Bella hadn’t let up on her grip on the girls arm, and Rosalie grimaced slightly. “And uh, she’s also kind of making my arm go numb. Oh and I guess she’s my friend and I’d like to make sure she’s okay too?”

Rosalie subconsciously flexed her fingers as her eyes fixated on Bella’s hands around Lauren’s arm. She wanted to pry them apart, wanted to forcefully separate the two. Her mind was jolted out of her thought pattern when Bella’s head hung, looking down at the pavement.

She felt claws on the inside of her chest.

Slowly, Rosalie inched towards Bella. This is the closest they’ve been, aside from the brief moment when Bella pushed past her the previous evening to get to her truck. And even through the thick smell of fear and adrenaline, of the blood seeping from the men’s wounds, Rosalie could smell something faint coming off the girl in front of her.

Strawberries.

She knelt down. Bella still wouldn’t meet her eyes.

Rosalie wasn’t sure if she wanted to grab her face and make her look at her, or be happy with Bella never looking at her face again.

But something in Bella’s empty, vacant expression kick-started something else inside of her. Some other instinct took over, something warm and gentle. A campfire, crackling over slightly damp wood.

“Bella,” Rosalie said slowly, keeping her voice even and quiet despite the turmoil inside of her. The uninvited warmth seeped into it, and she could see Bella’s body respond to it. The slightest relaxation of her shoulders, a gentle lowering of her heart rate to something below ninety miles an hour. “I’m going to touch your arm now, okay?”

She needed to get a more accurate read on her pulse. Hearing her heartbeat was all well and good, but it wouldn’t tell her how strong or weak the pulse was. Not as well as she could by manually checking it.

Bella didn’t respond.

Rosalie carefully reached her hand out. Her fingers made contact with Bella’s skin, and she suppressed a gasp.

Warm.

She was so warm.

Her fingers burned.

She put her fingers on Bella’s wrist, feeling for the pulse.

Bella’s legs weakened a little bit, and Rosalie tensed to grab her if she fell. Lauren seemed to sense it too, and took a bit of a firmer hold on Bella. Rosalie bit back the urge to snap at her.

The pulse was thready, and weak. Her heart was still beating too fast.

“Is she okay?” Lauren asked, distressed.

“She’s in severe shock,” Rosalie said, struggling to keep her voice level. “Very normal after a traumatic incident like that but she’s definitely much worse for wear than average. Can you help get her...no, ugh, you said she was your ride?”

Rosalie knew a physical PTSD response when she saw one. She would be surprised if Bella was even really there right now, mentally. She had to get her to Carlisle.

“Yeah, I can’t drive, I only have a permit,” Lauren fretted.

“Shit,” Rosalie grumbled. “Hold on.”

Her phone came out again and she pulled up another contact. This time her sister picked up.

“Rose? Is she okay? Is everything alright? Carlisle said you called but he didn’t say anything, what’s going on?”

Alice was nearly panicking, and Rosalie sighed.

“Hi. It’s me. Come get your pet human.”

“Rose! First of all that’s so rude she is not a pet and second of all what’s going on!? Is she okay?”

“Bring Emmett,” Rosalie continued, ignoring her. “We need three licensed drivers. You take her to Carlisle, Emmett can take her friend home, and I’ll...bring the monster back to her father after finishing up here.”

“Rosalie Hale!” Alice snapped. “If she needs to go to Carlisle you should be the one to take her! She’s your - “

“No.”

“Rose!”

“No. Stop trying to argue with me.”

She didn’t give Alice a chance to respond, merely hanging up immediately.

“Okay,” she said to Lauren. “That will be solved momentarily. Where did you park?”

Lauren pointed towards the truck. She could see questions written in the girls face, but a quick glare ensured they wouldn’t be asked. When Rosalie saw the truck she nodded, sighing.

“I’m this way,” she said, pointing towards where she had parked her own car. “Listen, my brother and sister are coming to help. I have to bundle these two chucklefucks into my backseat and take them to the hospital, my sister’s gonna take care of Bella and my brother Emmett is gonna drive you home. Alright?”

“Uh. Okay,” Lauren said nervously. She looked at Bella again, and Rosalie frowned. “Will...will she be okay? She’s had like, a really hard day already and it’s kinda partially my fault and I feel really bad…”

“She’ll be fine,” Rosalie said shortly.

She has to be.

“Severe shock can make people...check out for a while. She probably needs to be monitored and she’ll probably have the mother of all panic attacks when she comes out of it, but she’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Um, she throws up when she has panic attacks so make sure she has a bag or a trash can,” Lauren said. “And she likes eating Ritz crackers afterwards to help with the aftertaste. She also prefers Sprite to ginger ale, she says ginger ale makes her tongue feel all dry and wonky.”

Rosalie almost snapped that she already knew all of that, irritated that this random girl knew Bella this well, but stopped herself. Why did she know all that? She didn’t care. She must have just overheard Bella talking about those things, and, well, her whole family knew about Bella’s panic attacks.

She didn’t care. She shouldn’t care.

Rosalie took a calming breath and closed her eyes for a moment.

When her siblings arrived, Emmett approached her.

“Oh boy,” he sighed as he spotted the bodies. “Are we…?”

“I am,” Rosalie said, her voice quiet. If she spoke any louder she might scream. “Take her home.”

Emmett took Lauren away.

Rosalie relaxed a little bit as Bella stopped gripping onto her arm. She didn’t feel much better with her in Alice’s arms instead, but it was at least slightly better.

“Take my car,” she said to Alice, tossing her the keys. She had already gotten Bella’s keys from Lauren. “Scratch it and I kill you.”

“Rose, I really think you should - “

“Kill. You,” Rosalie hissed.

Alice glared at her, and she glared right back. Then came the whispers, spoken nearly subsonically and with minimal movement of the lips to avoid Bella hearing or noticing.

“I’m so upset and disappointed with you! Take care of your mate yourself!”

“She is not my mate!” Rosalie retorted, putting as much venom as she could into a whisper. “Stop fucking saying that!”

“She needs you right now, Rose. I’m happy to help her but she needs you ,” Alice said, stamping her foot lightly.

“Nobody needs me,” Rosalie spat back.

Alice didn’t have anything to say back to that. Just a wide-eyed look of disappointment and frustration before huffing loudly and leading Bella away.

Rosalie waited until they were in the car and leaving to gather the bodies.

They were as good as dead already.

But when she ran them out, deep into the woods, she made sure of it.

And as the smoke from the pyre rose, she watched, the fire flickering in her eyes.

Nobody would hurt Bella and get to see another day. Nobody got to so much as lay a single aggressive finger on her.

Rosalie told herself she would do this for any woman. That she could empathize with any woman who was attacked like that.

But as she stared into the fire, the only face she could think of was the face the two scumsacks in front of her put on Bella. That blank, clouded look. An expression that didn’t even have any more room for fear, because there wasn’t enough Bella left in it.

~~~

Her mind was jolted back to the present when Bella snapped at her family.

“Seriously!? You want someone in my room when I’m sleeping !? Are you fucking insane?”

Rosalie frowned and was immediately on her feet. What on earth was her family doing?

“Bella, it’s for your safety,” Carlisle said quietly. “You are most vulnerable during your time of rest. If there is any time when Edward would... try anything, it is then.”

“You’re all fucking nuts,” Bella huffed, turning and marching away.

Rosalie met Bella in the foyer.

She had tears in her eyes and her arms were wrapped tightly around her own torso. She froze when she saw Rosalie, and their eyes found each other.

Rosalie stared.

Bella stared back.

“You gonna try and get me to back in there?” Bella whispered. “I’m not letting people watch me while I sleep . That’s so fucking creepy . That’s the kind of shit I’m trying to avoid .”

Rosalie didn’t reply right away. She wasn’t even sure why she was here. Bella was angry, she was distressed, and she -

She just moved .

“Do you want to get some air?” she asked Bella, her voice a bit rougher and more brusque than she was intending. She got the feeling that whether or not her family liked it, Bella needed a bit of space from them at the moment and wouldn’t respond too kindly to any of them trying to tag along playing bodyguard.

Bella looked a bit surprised, but slowly nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think that sounds like a good idea.”

“You know you can’t be alone,” Rosalie pointed out sharply.

“Taking someone with me would defeat the point of getting the air in the first place because they’re why I fucking need it!” Bella hissed.

“Then I’ll come with you,” Rosalie said, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. Internally her emotions were roiling and churning, skidding back and forth between extremes. She found herself mentally cursing Emmett for confronting her in the clearing.

Everything in her mind had been spun completely out of order since he threw everything in her face. She was losing control. Losing herself, to whatever...whatever this was, and she hated it. Hated that she couldn’t stop it.

Even in the few brief moments that had passed since she found herself standing in front of Bella, she had contemplated and discarded the idea of simply turning around and going back into her room half a dozen times already.

Bella blinked.

And again.

“Okay,” she whispered after a moment.

Rosalie nodded and opened the front door. Bella quickly stepped out, and Rosalie followed a few feet behind.

Rosalie didn’t know what she was doing.

She felt angry.

She felt frustrated.

Rosalie thought to what Emmett said to her. Felt the echo of the small wooden figurine in her hand. The gaping wounds inside her chest, freely bleeding woe and hate and bitterness. The wrenching pain of feeling a soul split, fracture under the stress.

And then, she thought of Bella.

She thought of the feeling of her hair between her fingers. The warmth of her breath on Rosalie’s skin. The way Rosalie had noticed, for how could she not, how Bella would subconsciously move towards her.

The way Bella defended her to her family.

Rosalie felt something stir in her as Bella’s voice ran through her mind; sardonic, incredulous. Insulted. For her .

And then something close to a decision began to form.

She certainly wasn’t going to be friends with her any time soon. If ever.

She still didn’t like Bella very much.

But as she watched Bella walk, hugging her own torso and fighting back frustrated tears, her breath catching on choked-down sobs, Rosalie found herself feeling once again what she had felt watching over that funeral pyre.

Nobody got to hurt Bella.

Not those stupid boys harassing her in the school hallways, because she was too anxious and strung out to stand up for herself and tell them to fuck off.

Not those men in Port Angeles, looking at her like a piece of meat to capture.

Not her family, with their (however well intentioned) lies and manipulation, their desire to trample over Bella’s own will and privacy.

Not Edward, with his obsessions and inability to accept no .

Nobody got to hurt Bella.

Not even Rosalie herself.

Because she did hurt Bella. She would continue to hurt Bella. She wasn’t stupid. She knew her words, her attitude, the way she spoke to Bella upset her, hurt her. They were intended to. Bella needed to learn just like the rest of them that Rosalie was off-limits.

To stay away.

For her own good.

Nobody got to hurt Bella. And because Rosalie, inevitably, would do nothing but hurt her, that would be good enough reason to keep her at arm’s length just like all the rest. She could keep herself safe. She could keep Bella safe.

Even if it hurt, it was the only choice. Anything else would only hurt them both more.

So she walked.

The conflicting emotions warring inside of her, one half railing against even acknowleding Bella’s existence except to regard her with loathing and disdain, one half practically begging on its knees to be near her, to hear her, to feel her touch again, began to dissolve and warp into something new.

Bella found the edge of the woods, with Rosalie two yards behind. She looked over her shoulder, and Rosalie raised her eyebrow in questioning.

“Can I go in the woods?” Bella asked after a moment, her voice a bit raspy and thick with tears and a stuffed nose . “Is it safe?”

Rosalie shrugged.

“You’re with me,” she said simply.

Bella looked at her for a long few moments.

Rosalie kept her expression still and stone, giving nothing away. But Bella was not nearly as practiced as she was, and Rosalie could see her expression change in subtle ways as she continued to look at her.

When Bella had first looked at Rosalie in the cafeteria, she had practically been ogling. Rosalie had allowed the admiration with an irritated scoff. At least it hadn’t been another boy. Admiration from girls she could handle a bit better. They were less likely to be gross about it.

She kept stealing glances at Rosalie, glances that Rosalie was sure Bella thought nobody had noticed. Rosalie didn’t care. She felt enough sympathy for her to help keep aforementioned gross boys away from her, but Bella’s glances did not affect her at all.

Then they met for the first time, officially.

Since then Bella’s looks towards her had been full of irritation and confusion at best. Sometimes with curiosity, but usually irritation and confusion. Like she was trying to figure Rosalie out, and was annoyed that she couldn’t.

But now Bella was looking at her with something different.

As Bella absorbed Rosalie’s statement, it seemed as though she was...studying her. Her eyes were red and irritated, bloodshot from the crying and emotions of the last twenty-four hours. A few scant tear tracks could be seen on her cheeks, and a few glinted unshed in the corners of her eyes.

But beneath the tears, beneath the frustration, she was looking at Rosalie as if she were looking at her for the first time.

And then, in her eyes, something changed.

It was as if something about Bella’s entire presence had... shifted , slightly to the left of where it used to be. A subtle change, one that Rosalie might not have even noticed in a different setting. But suddenly Bella’s eyes on her felt different .

Rosalie bristled slightly, and curled her lip.

But instead of glaring back at her or looking away, Bella simply raised a single eyebrow before turning around and walking into the woods.

 

 

Notes:

This is a very internal, introspective chapter from Rosalie's POV. If it feels a bit scattered and all over the place, that's intentional. Rosalie herself is scattered and all over the place right now, her emotions are spiraling and she doesn't know what's happening to her or how to handle it. She tries to justify things internally with excuses that have...varying levels of flimsiness.

I love writing various versions of Rosalie as a character, so I hope this chapter gives a healthy amount of insight into My Rosalie and how she's going to adapt and move forward. I wanted to display how, although she's fighting as hard as she can, she's also just as much a victim to her own emotions and impulses as any of the other characters. I kinda disagree with the way some Rosalie fics make her go *so* far in the opposite direction in her refusal to accept how she feels, and I think I've struck a good balance here of making her still fight back while simultaneously showing that, despite her attempts, she's kind of being swept along a river that she ultimately has no control over.

It's a bit of a demonstration on how no matter how much you can try to bottle up your impulses and desires, too much and things start to spill out of control in ways you can't understand or predict. Her impulses are starting to become so strong that she can't even regulate herself internally, and by the end of the chapter she's even having trouble controlling her physical impulses. And yes, Jasper is getting HELLA whiplash from all this :'D

Back to Bella next chapter! She gets some one-on-one time with Rosalie, and you get to see her perspective and how her own perception of Rose has changed from three simple little words~

I hope you're enjoying so far. This chapter was a behemoth, clocking in at nearly 12,000 words and putting the fic within spitting distance of 100k, which is wild. Also, according to my Statistics tab, this fic has just crested 100 bookmarks and is closing in on 200 subscriptions, which, WOW. Thank you all SO much. I'm humbled by how much you are all loving the story, and it honestly makes me a little emotional how much some of you are really connecting to this. A lot of what is being written in regards to the emotional and mental struggles are being written from places very close to home, so it brings me a lot of joy to see those connections and resonances.

Love you all, please let me know what you think! The next update might take a bit longer than this one because this chapter took a LOT out of me, but I'm not going anywhere~ <3

Chapter 11: Because I Know You're Lost When You Run Away (Into The Same Black Holes And Black Mistakes)

Summary:

Bella and Rosalie have a real conversation for the first time as Bella gets her thoughts on what she should do to keep herself safe from Edward. Then, in the midst of an unexpected, stressful situation, something wakes up within Bella, and Rosalie's walls crumble down a little further...

Notes:

Yeah so you know how I said the next chapter might be a bit because the last one was so big?

Well.

The ADHD bees decided that was a lie and then went ahead and made this chapter just shy of 14k words.

So.

Enjoy!

(p.s. you see that 'burn whiplash' tag up there? well we've been having a relatively slow burn so far. so. well. what's the definition of whiplash?)

Bella turned and walked into the woods, a strange feeling dancing around her gut like a sprite wearing loud tap shoes. She could feel the presence behind her, never closer or further than a few feet away. Surreptitiously rubbing her eyes free of tears, Bella slowly felt her wound-up muscles begin to loosen and relax.

She walked slowly, letting the atmosphere of the woods sink into her skin. It was cold. The chill had already begun to set in during November, and now they were early on into December. The end of the year. It had already been an eventful year for Bella. Starting medication. Moving out of the ‘just trying to survive the next day’ phase with her therapist, and going into ways of actually improving her day to day life and mental state.

And then, the Cullens.

Bella let out a soft sigh. Her breath gently clouded the air in front of her before dissipating, and she wrinkled her nose slightly at the tickling cold. Thankfully, it wasn’t bothering her all too much. She was wearing a hoodie that was much too large for her, as Emmett had practically shoved it into her arms when he noticed her shivering earlier. The Cullen house had no heating, outside of what was necessary for the water and Esme’s greenhouses.

Apparently vampires couldn’t feel cold. Or, at the very least, they weren’t particularly bothered by it.

She pulled the sleeves of the hoodie over her hands and tucked her fingers under her armpits, casting her eyes around the frostbitten forest. It had yet to properly snow, and instead would alternate between gentle rains and fogs during the day that would then freeze at night, leaving a glistening sheen over everything.

The frost crunched underneath her sneakers, and she carefully navigated her way around lifted roots and small rocks in her path. The trees were neither particularly close together nor notably far apart so while there was always a clear path forward, Bella often found herself needing to weave from side to side, navigating the prickly spines of the firs.

Some of the trees were absolutely mammoth, with their trunks wide enough that Bella was certain she might struggle to wrap her arms all the way around them. Some of them were so tall that Bella could stand under their prickled branches and still have several inches of clearance above her head.

It was quiet.

Contemplative.

The air was cold, and it bit her lungs.

She took another breath.

Bella wasn’t... angry . That wasn’t really the right word.

Frustrated, definitely. Stressed out, to the obscene. Angry?

Not really.

Eventually Bella came across a bit of wide open space, a small clearing with a large boulder on one edge. It was slanted at around a forty-five degree angle, with its base only a foot and a half or so off the ground and its peak nearly seven or eight feet Bella guessed. It was coated in brown and green moss that shone and glittered with frost.

Walking around and squeezing in front of a tree trunk, Bella positioned herself in front of the low point of the boulder and with a slight grunt of effort, hefted herself up onto it. She quickly navigated her way to the top, sitting down and letting her legs dangle over the edge.

It was cold, and wet, and she knew the butt of her pants was slowly getting soaked as she sat there. But, at the moment, she couldn’t particularly bring herself to care all too much about cold, and wet. She shook the moss and dirt off of the sleeves of the hoodie and sighed before looking downwards at her...companion. Guard?

Rosalie Hale.

She stood not quite on the opposite side of the clearing from Bella, leaning against one of the trunks of a larger tree, one with plenty of branch clearance above her head. Her arms were crossed and she was staring openly at Bella with a bemused frown, clearly not exactly thrilled with her decision to climb up and sit on the rock.

Her outfit was plain, yet somehow perfect for her. A dark blouse, either navy blue or black, Bella couldn’t quite tell, with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. She had a pair of well-loved and well-worn leather boots on, one of which was propped up against the trunk she was leaning on, and a pair of much brighter blue skinny jeans that hugged her legs and forced Bella’s eyes away and back up to her face.

Rosalie’s hair, somehow still platinum-perfect with no errant fir needles or bits of frost and dirt that Bella was certain she herself had accumulated on their walk, fell in waves around her shoulders. It twisted in gentle, languid curls that tightened up near the bottom to create dozens of little corkscrews. She had pulled it over her shoulder when she leaned against the tree, so none of it would touch the bark unless she tilted her head back.

“What?” came the snappy, waspish tone that Bella had been expecting. Rosalie’s golden eyes narrowed at her, and Bella half-expected to flinch back at the acrid words. But instead she just stared back at Rosalie, gently tilting her head to the side. “Stop staring at me.”

“Sorry,” Bella said automatically. But she did not stop staring.

The words Rosalie had spoken less than an hour prior buzzed in her ears.

“You’re with me.”

Three words. Three very simple words.

Bella had seen the woods the last time she was at the Cullen house, shrouded in evening shadow and looking foreboding and ominous. She didn’t even think about wanting to go in them. But all through the morning she had been looking out the windows at the trees and seeing the frost and shine in what little light came through the clouds had her intrigued enough to want to see it up close.

She had asked Jasper about the woods and found that the Cullens primarily used them as a hunting ground. Apparently everything from deer to coyotes to bears and even the occasional cougar or wolf tended to roam those woods, along with plenty of smaller animals. Bella had been slightly dismayed at the information that so many predators resided there, and asked him which was his favorite.

Jasper had given her another one of those strange looks she had come to associate with her taking one of the Cullens completely by surprise. It was amusing, endearing, and...oddly comforting that they did genuinely act like a family with similar traits, eccentricities, and little habits.

Each one of them made the face slightly differently, but Bella could see Carlisle in all of them.

Apparently, Jasper’s favorite that he could get in the mountains and northern forests was cougar. But his real favorite, which Alice had whispered to her only moments later, was actually alligator, apparently a very odd and unique choice among vampires.

Emmett proudly declared that his favorite was any sort of bear, although when Bella looked at him with a forlorn expression and asked; “ Even the baby ones!?” he immediately started to explain, very flustered, that no, he wouldn’t do that, he only went after adults and not mothers with babies and oh God please Bella don’t cry.

He was simultaneously relieved and mildly annoyed that Bella had just been teasing him, and had informed her that he would be getting her back.

Alice apparently enjoyed deer, declaring herself proud of her basic and simple tastes. Jasper followed up by saying that she had eccentric enough taste in clothing, and even she only had so much eccentricity to go around.

Bella had thoroughly enjoyed watching her chase him around the house shouting Alice-level obscenities for the next thirty minutes, before noticing that Jasper was heavily favoring one arm over the other.

She wondered what Rosalie’s preferred ‘food’ was.

When she had asked Rosalie if the woods would be safe for her, she hadn’t actually asked it as a real question. Jasper had already told her the numerous dangerous predators that roamed it, ones that would be much hungrier and a bit more desperate now that winter was setting in and their usual prey would be going to ground.

She had expected to be told no.

That it would be too much trouble to both watch for Edward and any animals that might take offense to Bella’s presence, or want to take a bite out of her.

Jasper had said that while taking down one cougar or bear was usually very easy for them, having to guard Bella would make dealing with any of the predators that traveled in packs much more dangerous. Not to them, but even with their heightened senses and abilities, there were only so many things they could pay attention to at once, and there was no guarantee that whoever was with her would be able to fend off a group of hungry wolves while also making sure none of them attacked her.

He then paused and, noticing Bella’s wide-eyed stare, quickly reassured her that it was a highly unlikely scenario and that they would have to be very hungry to get that close to a vampire. Apparently, most natural predators were instinctually wary and afraid of them.

All the same, Bella had been fully expecting a no and had been ready to turn around and just walk around the grounds some more.

But Rosalie didn’t say no.

“You’re with me.”

A simple shrug, followed by three simple words. Spoken casually. As though they were an immutable fact of life. Treated as if it were equivalent to dropping an apple to prove the existence of gravity.

She didn’t say ‘ Yes, Bella, the woods will be safe for you.’

She didn’t say ‘ There are dangerous things in the woods, but you should be fine as long as we’re careful.’

She didn’t say ‘ As long as you don’t go too far in you’ll be safe.’

Nor did she say ‘ No, the woods are not safe, but I will make sure you are.’

Not in so many words, at least.

“You’re with me.”

Bella didn’t know why but she knew, somehow, that the words encompassed more than just the woods. Bella’s safety simply wasn’t a concern or a question. It didn’t matter , not in the sense that Rosalie did not want to keep her safe but that it wasn’t something worth being concerned about because it wouldn’t come up.

Recalling Port Angeles, Bella understood that it would be the same no matter where she was. The woods behind the Cullen house, full of dangerous animals, or a city; strange and unfamiliar to her, where a different kind of dangerous animal could emerge.

If she was with Rosalie, ‘safe’ or ‘unsafe’ didn’t particularly apply anymore.

“You’re with me.”

It was a bit incredible, Bella mused, how three little words could so drastically change the opinion one had about a person.

Rosalie started to bristle slightly under Bella’s silent gaze, so before she could snap again, Bella broke the silence with a question.

“What do you think?” she asked, idly beginning to swing her legs, lightly bopping her heels against the boulder.

Rosalie scowled. Bella resisted the urge to tell her that if she kept making that face, it would get stuck that way.

“What do I think of what?” she asked, her voice still waspish and angry.

It was odd.

When people were angry with Bella, she historically had two responses. Either become very afraid and shut down, or get angry right back at them and escalate. Usually the former, but as her conversation with Lauren had demonstrated, she was still very capable of the latter.

Yet Rosalie, someone who was clearly angry and displeased with Bella’s presence, if not her entire existence, was only met with a vague indifference from Bella’s stomach which seemed to be rather more concerned with what she might have for dinner. She wondered if Esme would take her grocery shopping so she could make her own food tonight, and perhaps keep a few things at the Cullen house for the future.

“Your family’s idea,” Bella said. “Were you not listening? They said you could hear us.”

Rosalie was quiet for a moment, her expression not changing a bit.

“I heard most of it, but not the part that made you angry. I just heard you yell and knew you’d probably need a break from them,” Rosalie eventually said. Her voice was short and still cutting, still angry, but it was less...sharp and pointy. Less directed at Bella now, and more... around her.

“Yeah. Thanks for that,” Bella said. Rosalie’s eye twitched slightly at the gratitude, but Bella just kept talking. “They want to basically have someone... in my room with me while I’m sleeping. Because that’s when...I’m most vulnerable, I guess. And since I can’t keep sleeping at your house and I have to go back to Charlie eventually…”

Rosalie didn’t say anything at first. Didn’t even move.

“Why do you care what I think?” she eventually asked. Her voice was starting to soften. It was still brusque and rough, a definite hard edge to it, and her face still wore that scowl but Bella could hear the genuine curiosity beneath the suspicion and sharp edges to her speech.

Bella shrugged.

“Short answer or long answer?” she asked after a moment.

“Both,” Rosalie said quickly, seeming to surprise both of them.

Bella nodded.

“Short answer is because I trust you not to bullshit me,” Bella said. Rosalie’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly but Bella hadn’t stopped looking at her since sitting down on the rock. She was starting to pick up on the little micro-changes Rosalie’s face would go through. It was...a little fascinating, Bella admitted to herself, just how much Rosalie communicated through subtle changes in her expression.

“Alright. And the long answer?” Rosalie asked, after a moment of thought.

Bella was quiet for a while. She had left her phone back in the house in her flurry of emotions and didn’t wear a watch, so she didn’t know how long she sat there thinking. It was long enough that her nose slowly began to ache a little from the cold, and she rubbed a few times with the sleeve of her hoodie. Once or twice cupping her face and exhaling warm air across her skin.

Eventually, she found the right words and spoke.

“You don’t like me,” Bella began. Rosalie’s lip curled slightly and Bella felt her own lips twitch upwards at the corners. “Or maybe you just don’t like something about me. Maybe I insulted you somehow without understanding it, which I’m sorry for if that’s the case by the way, maybe I just annoy the crap out of you. Maybe you just think I have a really punchable face. Regardless. You don’t like me, but you do want to keep me safe, because you care about your family and they seem to like me.”

Rosalie’s scowl deepened a little, but she didn’t confirm or deny anything Bella was saying. She took this as a sign to continue.

“I don’t buy that you were just coincidentally there at Port Angeles,” Bella said quietly. Rosalie actually flinched at that, slightly. “Somehow, you knew that something was happening, and you just...showed up. Which, I’m grateful for by the way, in case I haven’t said it yet. I really appreciate what you did for me that day.”

Rosalie just huffed loudly out of her nose and flexed her fingers slightly on her arm. Bella sighed and continued talking.

“Your family cares about me. A lot. Which is kind of wild, but I get it. I think. But, for whatever reason and whether or not I understand it, they all care. And in a weird, paradoxical way….the fact that they care so much means that they’re not really listening to what I want.”

Bella chuckled and shook her head a little.

“It sounds nuts, but hear me out. Cus like, I get it, y’know? They don’t want Edward to hurt me, and I only found out about all... this ...last night. They know more than me, they know what Edward is capable of more than me, and they’re so utterly worried and too caught up in that to actually listen to the words coming out of my mouth. It’s kinda pissing me off, but at the same time, I guess it is kinda nice to have people care about you like that.”

Rosalie just kept staring, her expression still frozen in a scowl.

Bella took a breath and kept going, adjusting how she was sitting slightly and continuing to bounce her heels off the rock.

“But you don’t care. I already know you don’t care about me , I don’t have any expectations. I expect the others to care about me enough to listen to me, so...when they don’t, I get frustrated,” Bella said, her voice quieting. “I’m not expecting you to be nice to me though. The opposite, really. So if I ask you what you think, and you tell me, and you tell me the same thing they are, well...I’ll probably still hate it, I guess, but I already know you don’t care and you’re going to tell me whatever you have to tell me to keep me safe and by extension, keep the people you actually care about happy. So I won’t be as…”

Bella trailed off before sighing in frustration.

“ My therapist told me it comes from trauma,” she mumbled after a few quiet moments. “When someone I care about tells me something I don’t want to hear, or when I feel like they aren’t listening to me, regardless of whether or not they actually are, I get really defensive and...defiant. I’m not really able to hear the words they’re saying, all my brain is able to process is that they’re upsetting me or that I don’t feel listened to, so that means that maybe they don’t actually care about me at all, so why bother listening? And it means that, ironically, I end up being the one not able to really listen.”

She laughed weakly, feeling more than a little pathetic.

“I’m getting better,” she continued after a moment. “But, y’know, I don’t think my therapist ever predicted that I’d get stalked by a vampire that has really medieval ideas about how a relationship works. She didn’t exactly teach me coping mechanisms for this situation. So...I’m not doing so great at controlling the shittier parts of my brain right now.”

Bella took another deep breath and shook herself out a little, pulling her hands out of the hoodie and ruffling her hair to try and refocus her brain.

“So. Basically, I’ll listen to what you have to say and actually be able to process it logically rather than getting defensive and emotional,” she concluded. “Because I don’t have any expectations for you to be nice to me in the first place. That’s the long answer.”

Bella was quiet after that. Rosalie seemed to fall into a deep thought, her scowl somehow growing even deeper. And for a moment, Bella was almost certain she saw a flash of deep pain in Rosalie’s eyes before it was smothered over into something fixed and neutral.

It made her feel a little bad.

Upon seeing that, Bella briefly entertained the idea that, maybe, Rosalie didn’t actually dislike her as much as she made it seem. Maybe there was something deeper going on, and Bella had just really trampled all over whatever was going on in Rosalie’s head.

And...maybe there was. Bella certainly wasn’t going to discount the idea.

But Bella was tired, and stressed, and very, very unhappy with the overall situation she found herself in and couldn’t really bring herself to try and connect a bunch of very distant dots to come up with or support some crazy theory or excuse for Rosalie’s abrasiveness towards her and decided that, while she would do her best to not feed into it anymore, she was just going to take it at face value until proven otherwise.

Granted, her earlier thoughts and Rosalie’s words just outside the woods were already doing a bit of legwork in that ‘proving otherwise’ category.

But before Bella could fall too deeply into that rabbit hole, Rosalie started talking.

“I understand why you feel uncomfortable with my family’s suggestion. Believe me, I honestly do understand,” Rosalie said, her voice stiff and stilted. “But...logically, it is the safest option. But it’s not your only option.”

Bella nodded her acknowledgment, but said nothing. She just sat and waited to see if Rosalie would elaborate.

She did.

“You have to balance safety and comfort. You have to figure out how much risk you’re willing to take for the sake of your peace of mind,” Rosalie continued after a moment, pushing herself off the tree and walking a bit closer to the rock. “Physical safety isn’t the only kind of safety, after all. But, if you prioritize comfort too much and take excessive risk, I can almost guarantee my family will just disregard your feelings entirely and do what they’re going to do anyway behind your back. They’ll justify up and down as you being stressed and unreasonable, and it will just cause more problems.”

Bella frowned and nodded. That, unfortunately, seemed to track with how the Cullens were speaking to her earlier.

“But if you don’t consider your own comfort at all, a similar problem arises. You’ll get angry, and resentful, which will also make it harder to keep you safe. Because you won’t approach situations with a cool head, and you’ll let your negative feelings towards my family influence your decisions and your rationality.”

A soft smile made its way onto Bella’s face without her realizing it. This was the most Rosalie had ever spoken to her, or actually, the most Bella had heard her speak in general, without snapping or insulting somebody.

“If you genuinely want my opinion the way I see it is like this. As much as I hate to agree with an idea like this, it makes me uncomfortable, my family is sadly right. You are most vulnerable when you’re asleep, and unlike them, I’m not going to give Edward the moral leeway. They might not think he’ll actually hurt you, but I’m not so sure,” she said, nearly hissing and spitting at the last sentence.

Bella just smiled a bit wider.

“Noted, but according to your family you and Edward have a bit of an interpersonal feud going back several decades so I’m not exactly sure that opinion is unbiased,” Bella said with an airy chuckle. Rosalie snorted in response.

“That’s certainly a diplomatic way to put it. I would just say I hate his slimy guts and while the bastard is my brother, for better or for worse, and I love him as a brother, and I would fight with and for him the same way I would for any of my family against an outside threat, I’m never going to like him, and giving him the benefit of the doubt is a stretch.”

Bella found herself giggling, which caused Rosalie to glare at her. Oddly enough this only made her giggles worse, and Bella didn’t even know what was happening. All she knew was that instead of being intimidated by Rosalie’s glares like she was when she first saw her at school, those same glares now just made her feel a bit warm inside. She kept giggling until Rosalie snapped at her again.

“Do you want my opinion or do you want to laugh at me!?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Bella said, taking a deep breath and pinching her nose. She held her breath for a moment to force the giggles down and exhaled deeply. “Honestly I don’t know what’s going on with my emotions today. I’m all haywire and everything is just kind of fucked right now. Please completely disregard that.”

“Happily,” Rosalie said, clearly disgruntled. “What I was going to say before you interrupted me was that even if I didn’t think Edward was slime, there’s no telling how deep his obsessive thoughts about you have warped his perception. People can and will do messed up things when they aren’t thinking straight and Edward most certainly is not .”

Bella grinned.

“I’d say he’s thinking almost a little too straight actually, but continue,” she said, snickering at her own – admittedly horrible – joke.

She didn’t know where this laissez-faire attitude towards jokes and references about her own sexuality were coming from, but after bantering with Alice a little bit about ‘stealing her man’ and telling Emmett that she thought Cortana was hot, she realized she just felt comfortable with the Cullens.

She was still upset with them. Still angry about the entire situation her life was in.

But she recognized that, ultimately, the fault for all the current issues lay with one specific Cullen and although she couldn’t bring herself to be her normal level of warm and affectionate with Alice, or her usual level of casual friendliness with Emmett, they still ultimately made her feel very comfortable as a person.

It also didn’t hurt that, in comparison to being a vampire, being gay didn’t seem like that big of a deal. And if the Cullens trusted her enough to tell her their secrets, Bella would extend a similar level of trust.

Rosalie didn’t even glare at her for that joke. She just looked at Bella, as if she weren’t quite sure if Bella’s mental faculties were entirely intact at the moment. And, frankly, Bella was on her side. She wasn’t quite sure if her own mental faculties were really all there at the moment. So, swallowing another round of giggles, she schooled her expression into something more serious.

“You need someone at least around while you sleep,” Rosalie said, entirely unamused. “The question is how close is too close for your comfort. The further away, the more opportunities Edward has to do something to you. And, not to put too fine a point on it, if he does try anything he only has to get lucky once .”

That was a sobering realization for Bella as she realized how true that was. Her expression quickly melted into something very, truly serious and she nodded slowly.

“What would you suggest?” she asked, her voice small. She herself suddenly felt small, and powerless.

She didn’t like the feeling.

Rosalie sighed slightly and if Bella didn’t know any better, she’d almost think Rosalie felt bad for pouring a cold bucket of reality ice water over Bella’s neck. She took another step closer to the boulder.

“Like I said, logically, having one of us in the room with you essentially at all times we can reasonably do so is the safest option. It means that no matter how close Edward actually gets, he still ultimately has to go through one of us to get to you. That alone would be enough of a deterrent that there’s a very good chance he doesn’t even try in the first place.”

Bella nodded.

“The next best option would be to at least have one of us in the same building as you at all times, or at least within a very short distance. So while you’re sleeping, one of us can just be in the house. It would be child’s play for any of us to avoid your father, and whoever is with you would be in a different room while you sleep. This option is slightly more risky, because there are two ways into your bedroom.”

“My room only has one door,” Bella said, frowning.

Rosalie just raised an eyebrow and immediately Bella felt very, very stupid. She didn’t know why yet, but she knew that look from plenty of other sources well enough to know that she was missing something very obvious.

“Bella,” Rosalie said patiently, and even though Bella knew she was being mocked a little bit right now she couldn’t help the way her heart trembled when Rosalie said her name. She once again cursed her stupid crush, and the stupid gay-ass part of her that would not let go of Rosalie and was very determined to get her to keep saying her name as many times as possible. “Please tell me you don’t honestly think any of us wouldn’t be very, easily , capable of climbing into your window without even the barest effort.”

That made her grimace. The thought of Edward coming in through her window at night? Eugh.

“Okay. Yeah. Thanks for the nightmares,” Bella grumbled, rubbing her temples. “Not gonna be able to get that image out of my head for a while.”

“You’re welcome,” Rosalie snorted. “Obviously if he did that we would hear and smell his presence, but he is quite fast and if he gets to you too quickly it limits our options significantly. This could be solved by having two of us watch you at night, with one in the house and one outside watching the window, but I can tell you’re already stressed enough by the idea of having just one of us hovering around you twenty-four-seven.”

Bella shook her head.

“Yeah. No. I...I need my space, as much space as I can realistically get in a situation like this. I already have to deal with people at school, and I know I’m going to be seeing all of you more often anyway in the near future, so...yeah. I’d like to really limit the amount of time I have to have more than one other person...hovering.”

Rosalie nodded.

“What did you mean by him getting to me too quickly limits your options?” Bella asked.

“For the same reason we aren’t chasing after him right now,” Rosalie said.

Bella frowned.

“Jasper said that was because he’s the fastest of you and chasing him wouldn’t work,” Bella said slowly.

Rosalie held up a hand, palm down, and wiggled it slightly.

“Jasper is...partially correct,” she hedged. “I’m about even with him in speed on a good day and Alice is actually slightly faster. Only by a few miles an hour, but still. Faster. If me and her specifically wanted to catch him, we would. Eventually. The problem is that he would still be able to evade us long enough to have a significant amount of time, and it would force his hand and back him into a corner.”

“Ah,” Bella said quietly, understanding blooming across her face. “And cornered animals bite.”

“Exactly,” Rosalie said, and Bella liked to imagine she heard a small note of pride in her voice that Bella picked up on it so quickly. “Whether it’s because we’re chasing, or he’s slipped past us and has finally got to you but knows he only has so much time, he will become much less predictable when cornered. That’s why we’re trying to prevent him from trying anything in the first place. Because, while I don’t think he would intentionally hurt you…”

Rosalie hesitated for a moment, then picked up a smaller rock from the ground. It was a little larger than Bella’s fist.

“Do you understand how strong we are? You’ve seen how fast I can run. Edward clocks in at about sixty miles an hour, and Alice at about sixty-four. Has anyone shown you our strength yet?”

Her expression was deadly serious, and Bella shook her head.

“Emmett offered to show me later, but...we didn’t really get around to it, yet…” she mumbled.

She then watched as Rosalie casually crushed the rock into pebbles simply by closing her fist. She could see it took a bit of strain, but no more than it would take Bella to crush a particularly firm tomato. Her eyes went wide, and she couldn’t quite decide if she was absolutely terrified or if that was the hottest thing she’d ever seen.

Resisting the urge to smack herself, she came to the unsettling conclusion that it was probably both and there was a non-zero chance that one had fed right into the other.

God I’m messed up , Bella groaned internally, trying desperately to make sure none of that thought process showed on her face.

“We have to hold back, every day. Actively,” Rosalie said quietly, firmly. “I’m not worried that he will choose to hurt you. I am worried that he will feel cornered, stressed, and panicked. Maybe he won’t mean to. But let’s say he finds his way into your bedroom and Alice, Jasper, or I burst in to try and stop him. In his panic, he grabs your arm with the intention to simply take you away somewhere to talk. But he’s panicked. He’s not thinking clearly, and he isn’t able to control himself, and…”

“And my arm makes like the rock,” Bella gulped.

Rosalie nodded.

“I know my brother well enough to know that, even in the depths of his obsession and his tendency to lash out in violence, that he would never hurt you on purpose. I’ll give him that much credit at the very least. He is almost as fanatical as Carlisle about protecting human life, and the few times his control ever slipped in his life, it affected him deeply. He lashes out at us , we lash out at each other , with that violence because...we can take it. There’s no real damage, and honestly, sometimes there’s things that can only be solved by beating the shit out of each other.”

Rosalie’s expression was deadly serious, and Bella felt her eyes locked onto her.

“But he wouldn’t intentionally hurt an innocent person. He wouldn’t hurt a human. But like you said, cornered animals bite. The few times I ever saw him lose control was when he felt cornered and overwhelmed. I’m not letting it happen again. To him, or to you. He wouldn’t mean it, but you would still get hurt in a way we can’t just fix, not without...drastic measures.”

Rosalie’s voice was low and almost gentle, but Bella was too distracted with yet another cold shower of how much shit she had found herself in to notice.

It was a few moments before she could speak again.

“You know,” she said weakly, “you aren’t really doing a good job at hating him the way you say you do. It almost sounds like you really care about him.”

She was deflecting, with humor, and based on Rosalie’s expression, she knew exactly what Bella was doing.

“He is my brother,” Rosalie said with a shrug. “We have our differences. He makes me angry. I do not, and will never, like him as a person. But he is still my brother and he is still the family I have had the longest alongside Carlisle and Esme.”

Bella nodded.

“Alice said, um, that there was still a chance that he goes to uh...to that other family you’re friendly with in Alaska,” Bella murmured, looking again at the pile of pebbles around Rosalie’s feet and feeling very clammy. Her stomach turned and the image of parts of her own body being crushed that easily flashed unwelcome in her minds eye.

She felt nauseous.

“The Denali’s,” Rosalie nodded. “They’re good people. One of the only other covens we know of that sticks to the animal diet strictly. That would be the ideal outcome. It won’t be the end, Edward will still ultimately have to confront his actions and make amends, but it would put him far away enough that we could breathe and it gives him time to cool off.”

Bella nodded again.

She looked down at Rosalie, who had by this point gotten close enough to the boulder that she was only about a foot away, leaning her shoulder against the rock. She had to tilt her head up slightly to look at Bella, and her head was only about maybe a foot below Bella’s knees.

Rosalie was tall , Bella was realizing. Very, very tall.

She swallowed hard and very pointedly did not look again at the very-prominently-on-display legs that were being very nicely accentuated by skinny jeans.

Rosalie’s lips were pressed in a thin line and her arms were still crossed as she looked up at Bella, an inscrutable expression on her face.

“I don’t like it,” Bella whispered desperately.

“I know,” Rosalie replied, her voice quiet and firm.

“I keep...I keep pinching myself and hoping I’ll wake up,” Bella said with a slightly wet chuckle as her eyes began to sting again. “But it never happens. I’m still here. Vampires are still real. And I’m in so much danger from one of them that I need twenty-four-seven surveillance from a group of others, because nothing I do would be good enough. If any of you wanted to, you could crumple me like wet tissue paper.”

She sniffled and took a shaky breath.

“I feel so helpless and useless and like I’m being swept away in whitewater rapids with no boat, no oars, not even a life-jacket or even a plank of fucking driftwood to grab onto. I just...I – I just want to go home , you know? I want to go home .”

Bella hiccuped and blinked as more tears filled her eyes. She swore lightly under her breath as she vigorously rubbed her eyes. She was getting a little tired of all the crying, and it made her even more frustrated with herself.

She felt even more useless.

Here she was, in more life-threatening danger than any of her friends would ever even blink at. And she could do nothing about it. All she could do was stand back and let other people invade her life, invade her space, and do it for her.

For a brief moment, she wondered if she could ask Rosalie to just turn her into a vampire here and now and get it over with. She was going to die in the future anyway, according to the Cullens and their own personal code for turning a human.

She was going to die.

She laughed.

It wasn’t loud. Nor was it particularly joyful. It wasn’t even the giddy deflective giggles that had come out earlier. It was a quiet, empty laugh full of nothing but defeat, echoing around in the empty pit inside of her that Bella had long since thought she was moving on from.

After everything.

After all the hard work. After years of nothing but pure suck .

After her .

After all of it .

It would all be for nothing because she was just going to die anyway .

Bella didn’t believe in fate. But if it existed, it could suck her fat fucking balls .

“I just want to go home ,” Bella whispered again.

“I know,” Rosalie repeated. “For what it’s worth...I’m sorry. You... nobody deserves any of...this.”

“Don’t be,” Bella hiccuped. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not your fault.”

Rosalie blinked and frowned slightly. Bella shivered in the chill as a bit of wind picked up, rustling through the trees. It blew into her face, stinging her eyes with cold air and numbing her skin even further. She tried to clamp down her thoughts, her emotions. The pit was opening again.

She tried to breathe. She really didn’t want to have another panic attack right now.

But, as they so often do, Bella’s impending panic attack didn’t particularly care about what she wanted.

“Bella?” Rosalie’s voice sounded a bit far away even though she was standing right next to her, and Bella took another deep breath.

Her nose felt entirely numb now. How long had she been sitting here in the cold?

She vaguely registered some movement from next to her as Rosalie took another step forward, but Bella was focused on trying to shove away the impending panic attack. The wind blew again as she took a deep breath, the biting cold air piercing and stabbing at the inside of her lungs and giving her something to grip onto, something to ground her.

Her butt was cold, and wet.

Her lungs hurt a bit from the cold air.

Her face hurt from how numb and cold it was.

She tried to hold onto all of it. All the sensations.

The wind began to whistle and gently howl as it picked up in speed and intensity.

“We should go inside,” Rosalie said, taking another step closer. “You – how long have you been shivering like that?”

Bella wanted to reply but the words became lodged in her throat like chunks of raw meat, bleeding and slimy against the walls of her esophagus. It felt like the trees themselves were getting closer. Taller. Bigger.

Closing in on her.

It was too much.

The edges of her vision started to get fuzzy and she shook her head violently a few times to try and wake herself up, but to no avail. The trees just kept getting bigger, and she couldn’t tell if that was the wind she was hearing or if it was the ringing in her ears.

Rosalie’s face was in the corner of her vision, staring intently at her. Her mouth was moving. But Bella couldn’t hear the words.

All she could hear was the heavy ba-thump, ba-thump, ba-thump of her own heartbeat in her ears and the whistling of the wind bleeding in and melding with the ringing of her ears.

She grit her teeth and grunted, punching her leg. She saw Rosalie flinch slightly in surprise.

She did it again.

Harder.

Rosalie said something to her again but she didn’t hear it, instead devoting all of her attention on the dull, throbbing pain in her thigh.

Combined with the needles of cold air in her lungs and the biting chill on her face, it started to bring her down. She slammed her fist into the same spot again and gasped in pain, and it was enough to knock her out of it. Suddenly she could hear Rosalie again and she didn’t sound happy.

“Bella!? What the fuck are you doing!?”

She was about to grit out an answer when the wind howled louder. And something in her stomach sank.

In the edges of her vision, flitting between the trees, almost flickering in and out of existence, was a shadow.

Bella’s head throbbed and she groaned.

Rosalie was about to speak again, but then the voice Bella heard did not come from her mouth.

It came from somewhere else.

Like it was whispered into both ears at the same time, yet also not. It was everywhere, and nowhere.

As if it were being carried on the very wind itself.

Bella, behind you!

She scrambled to her feet on top of the rock, careful to keep her footing on the wet, half-frozen stone, and whirled around. She looked out into the trees, her heart slamming into her ribcage over and over again. The wind was at her back now, blowing her hair into her face.

“Bella what is it!? What – “ Rosalie cut herself off as, with a single swift motion, she jumped and pulled herself onto the rock next to Bella, staring in the same direction. Her nostrils flared and her eyes narrowed, and she hissed. “Shit.”

Bella could see them now. Flicking between the trees, barely twenty feet away.

Coyotes.

A large pack of them, too. There were at least ten, but to Bella it felt like over a hundred.

“You’ll be fine,” Rosalie murmured, holding her arm out in front of Bella and taking a step in front of her. “Just breathe, okay?”

Bella nodded. She couldn’t speak, but she managed to keep pulling in short breaths as the coyotes kept circling around them.

“They’ll probably leave in a few minutes,” Rosalie murmured, keeping herself as close as she could to Bella without touching her. Bella’s fingers twitched and she wanted nothing more than to grab onto her, but she guessed that would not be particularly well received. “They’re afraid of me.”

Bella swallowed.

“If you were in real danger, Alice would have already been here by now,” Rosalie murmured. “She would have seen it. I think, anyway. Her visions about you are...spotty, at best.”

“Rosalie?” Bella whispered, starting to feel dizzy.

“What?” Rosalie hissed.

“I think I’m going to pass out,” Bella said, her voice shaking.

“Oh no, no no no no you don’t,” Rosalie hissed, whirling around and grabbing Bella’s arms firmly. The image of the rock flashed in Bella’s mind and she, even in the midst of her panic, was able to feel the precise control Rosalie had over her strength.

She put her face right up to Bella’s and glared into her eyes.

“Don’t you dare. I’m not explaining to my family why I’m bringing you back unconscious . So you are staying awake . Understand?”

Bella’s eyes widened and her heart rate sped up rapidly as she found herself practically touching noses with Rosalie. Her lips parted and her tongue flicked out to wet them, her fear and panic vanishing for nearly a full five seconds as all she could process in the moment was that Rosalie’s face was right in front of her .

All she could do was nod dumbly.

Then there was sudden movement in the trees and Rosalie seemed to act on instinct, whirling back around and pulling Bella with her. Bella barely had time to think before Rosalie’s arms were around her, tucking Bella against her chest. One arm was wrapped snugly around her torso and one around her head, her hand gently cradling the side of Bella’s face.

And then Rosalie Hale snarled .

Bella could practically feel her torso vibrate from the force of it and she shivered as she felt Rosalie’s arms flex and hold her tighter. Time seemed to stop flowing for a moment as Bella’s conscious mind caught up to the situation and it came to a singular, absolutely terrifying conclusion.

Bella Swan was irreparably, irrevocably, and impossibly fucked .

Not because of the coyotes, or the cold, or the panic attack. Not even because of a supernatural stalker or the concept of her impending death.

It was none of those things.

Bella Swan was fucked beyond repair because as Rosalie snarled once again at the pack of coyotes and kept tight on her hold of Bella, all she could think about was how she never, ever wanted Rosalie to let go. She wanted to press her face into Rosalie’s torso and burrow inside of it. She wanted to wrap her own arms around Rosalie and cling to her like a drowning man clings to a buoy.

She took a long, shaky breath and felt somehow even dizzier. Something strange was happening. Her head felt like it was...clearing, the fog and the panic melting away and being replaced with a powerful, nearly aching longing. It was cold, and she had been crying, and her nose shouldn’t even be functional right now and even if it was, she should not be smelling juniper berries .

It wasn’t a strong smell, and Bella wondered if perhaps it was simply part of a perfume or maybe a soap that Rosalie used. But it seemed to envelop her, as if it were coming not from skin or cloth or hair, but from Rosalie’s very soul .

An absurd thought that Bella found herself unable to properly process further or understand.

Rosalie’s arms were strong, and firm. Her snarl was vicious and biting, and had it been directed at her, Bella knew she might very well have passed out from fear. But the hand cradling the side of Bella’s face and the arm wrapped around her torso were unimaginably tender, as if Bella were made of the most valuable porcelain in the world.

Her mind whirled .

And then, almost as quickly as it all started, it was over.

Rosalie lifted Bella off her feet and jumped off the rock, setting her down and leaning her against the rock before practically leaping away from her.

Bella collapsed slightly, pressing her shoulders back into the boulder and trying to keep her feet on solid ground. She was about to start panicking again when she realized that the coyotes were gone. Then, letting out a shaky sigh of relief and exhilaration she turned to see that Rosalie was breathing heavily and staring at Bella, one hand in her hair and the other hanging limply at her waist, fingers twitching.

She was about to speak when she saw that Rosalie’s pupils had heavily dilated and the black nearly drowned out the honeyed gold. Somewhere, she recognized that she should probably be very afraid right now as she was clearly looking at a vampire in the middle of whatever their version of an adrenaline rush was.

But instead, she stepped forward. Gingerly, slowly, but forward all the same. She didn’t know if she was fueled by her own adrenaline high or the giddiness of escaping an objectively dangerous situation, but all she knew was that she needed to move forward.

She waited for Rosalie to step back, but Rosalie just kept staring.

She took another step forward.

Gave Rosalie another chance to step back.

She didn’t.

Another step forward.

Another moment of waiting.

Another step.

Waiting.

Another step.

Soon she was within arm’s reach. Rosalie hadn’t stepped back once and...hadn’t actually seemed to change much at all. But her eyes had stayed firmly fixed on Bella as her heavy breathing relaxed and her pupils slowly began to shrink.

Bella took one, final step and reached a hand out.

Slowly.

Painfully slowly.

Making sure Rosalie had full view of her hand and had plenty of time to step back, to tell her no, to smack her hand away. To do whatever she was going to do.

But none of that happened, and eventually Bella’s fingers made tentative contact with Rosalie’s shoulder.

Her muscles were tensed and hard.

“Hey,” she whispered quietly. “It’s okay. You scared them off. It’s all good.”

Rosalie nodded jerkily and seemed to visibly relax a little. Emboldened, Bella shifted her hand and gingerly placed her fingertips on Rosalie’s face, cautiously stroking her cheek.

“You’re okay,” she whispered. “I’m safe. I’m fine. It’s all okay.”

Rosalie froze.

Bella froze.

She waited.

A choked, strangled sound writhed out of Rosalie’s throat. And for a moment, a brief, impossible moment, she leaned into Bella’s touch. She tilted her head ever so slightly to the side and pushed her cheek a fraction further into Bella’s caress.

But only for a moment.

Then her body seemed to jerk and spasm and she yanked herself backwards, slapping Bella’s hand away. Bella quickly pulled her hand and held both her hands up, palms out, in a gesture of surrender. She didn’t miss that even in whatever this... state was, that Rosalie still had enough control to barely even sting Bella’s skin with the slap.

Neither of them spoke for what felt like several minutes.

“They were downwind ,” Rosalie spat after a moment, slowly straightening up and closing her eyes, taking a deep breath and relaxing her shoulders. She adjusted her clothing and her hair. “I might have still been able to catch their scent or hear them, but I was too distracted because you were too busy freaking out . Do you have absolutely no sense of self-preservation!?”

The waspish, angry tone was back. But Bella didn’t flinch.

She lowered her hands and let out a soft sigh of relief that Rosalie was going back to normal, but she didn’t flinch. And, more importantly, she was not about to simply pretend that whatever had just happened, didn’t , as Rosalie so clearly intended to do.

That was not in Bella’s wheelhouse.

Well.

That’s a lie.

It was absolutely in Bella’s wheelhouse. Kind of her bread and butter, actually. She was very good at avoiding things.

But she didn’t want to be that person anymore.

She didn’t want to avoid things. She didn’t want to avoid her own feelings, and her own thoughts.

She didn’t want to avoid Rosalie .

So instead of giving Rosalie the out she was clearly looking for, Bella stared right into her face and spoke.

“Thank you,” she said, trying to put as much sincerity and gratitude into her voice as she could, along with a healthy dose of the new emotions rushing through her body.

Rosalie blinked and flinched slightly, backing up a few steps.

“What?” she asked, seemingly forgetting to be sharp and angry in her surprise at Bella’s response.

“Thank you,” Bella repeated. “I know you probably could have just ripped them all to shreds before I could blink. But you didn’t. You stayed with me the whole time and just scared them off instead.”

Now that the panic of the situation was passing and Bella’s own adrenaline was coming down it was being replaced by a flood, an absolute torrent , of different emotions all competing wildly for space inside of her. The strange, persistent giddiness. The exhaustion of post-adrenaline, which made her legs wobble slightly. The odd after-panic that came after a stressful event, nothing that would turn into a full-blown attack but which had Bella feeling anxious and twitchy, and knowing that she was going to be avoiding forests if possible for a little bit.

Yet, dominating everything else and fueling the fire in her eyes as she gazed at Rosalie and the words coming out of her mouth, was affection. A new, very dangerous to her heart, affection.

It didn’t come from nowhere , Bella supposed.

She had found Rosalie attractive from the moment she walked into the cafeteria. And, if she were being honest with herself, as intimidating and mildly terrifying as she found the way Rosalie would verbally dress people down, she also found it amusing and...mildly attractive.

People that had a good way with words seemed to have an affect on her, she mused. Alice being her best friend, and now Rosalie doing... this to her.

At first she really had just tried to wave it off as a crush. A fleeting affection that would pass. Bella had other things on her mind, other priorities to sort out. School, trying to make friends and broaden her social horizons. Putting herself out of her comfort in controlled ways, and occasionally less controlled ones, as she tried to do her best to live up to the entire purpose of her moving from Phoenix to Forks in the first place.

It was both easier, and more difficult, to do so after she ‘officially’ met Rosalie for the first time. It was amusing and mildly attractive when Rosalie would verbally demolish people at school that gave her good reason, either by being weird and gross at her or doing that stupid high-school-girl cattiness...thing.

But Rosalie’s attitude towards Bella, which she perceived as wholly undeserved and way out of line, made it very easy for Bella to dismiss her feelings as a surface-level crush. And she really did try . Even after that, Bella couldn’t help but feel...drawn, to the feisty and dangerous woman in front of her. It had really been quite annoying that every time Rosalie spoke, Bella would simultaneously want to smack her and kiss her. In either order.

Sure, she gave the occasional stray thought that maybe Rosalie wouldn’t be so bad if she got to know her some consideration here and there. But it wasn’t until Port Angeles and the aftermath that Bella really started thinking about Rosalie.

And now this.

Yeah.

Bella was pretty sure there was no coming back from ‘ After demonstrating just how easily a vampire could crush me into a ground-up pile of goop, she then protected me from a pack of coyotes by holding me in her arms tight enough to keep me in place but not hurting me even a little bit and even being downright gentle, and then snarling at them to scare them away.’

The universe could just go ahead and write her off as a goner. Just another inevitable footnote in the long line of broken hearts Rosalie must have left in her wake over the decades. But, Bella was weirdly okay with that. It wasn’t like anyone else could live up to what she had just experienced. What would dinner and a movie even hope to hold against that ?

It wouldn’t even be fair to try and compare anyone or anything else in the future, really, so she might as well just give up and accept her fate now.

After gaping at her like a fish, her mouth opening and closing a few times, Rosalie finally managed to start speaking again.

“I – “ Rosalie started, still pausing and closing her mouth before opening it again to continue. “I couldn’t be sure one of them wouldn’t – there were too many to properly keep track of and they looked hungry, if I left you alone, even for a moment...one might have slipped past me and – I – I didn’t…”

Bella bit her lip for a second before taking another hesitant step forward. Once again Rosalie didn’t step back, but her face betrayed her emotions this time. Confusion, anger, a healthy dose of fear, among a maelstrom of others that Bella couldn’t quite identify.

“Thank you,” she whispered again. A warm feeling spread through her stomach and somehow, just knowing she could get away with it, she quickly stepped forward and wrapped Rosalie up in the tightest hug she could manage. “That’s the second time you’ve saved my life. Thank you. ”

It only lasted for a few seconds before Bella pulled back and took several steps away. She took a deep breath and watched as Rosalie blinked several times in succession before her expression returned to her usual stony, neutral look.

She looked at Bella, and this time, Bella couldn’t read anything on her face at all. Her pupils had gone back to normal and she looked as if, for all intents and purposes, nothing had happened at all. She turned her nose up slightly and curled her lip at Bella.

“We should get back to the house,” she said shortly. “Esme will kill me if I let you freeze to death and you’re shaking like a leaf.”

“Okay,” Bella agreed. She wasn’t stupid. Rosalie, for whatever reason, didn’t want to acknowledge anything that had just happened. That was fine with her. She didn’t know Rosalie, she didn’t know her reasons or her thoughts, she didn’t know...anything about her, really.

But she did know that whatever had just happened was a true display of Rosalie’s character and whatever was happening was a mask. However excellently constructed, Bella had worn enough of them herself to recognize them on others.

A small part of her was a little upset. She felt...rejected, denied. Pushed away.

Like she had just been given a taste of something wonderful only for it to be snatched away in front of her. For the smallest moment, she could empathize with Edward. Just a little bit.

But the rest of her understood . Even though she knew Rosalie had been around much longer than her, Bella looked at her face and it was as if she were looking into a mirror. A mirror that made her much prettier, bitchier, and angrier, but a mirror all the same.

So she would let Rosalie have this. She would let her off the hook, for the moment.

But Bella wasn’t about to forget.

And she couldn’t stop the small smile from breaking onto her face.

Rosalie glared at her.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she snapped.

Bella just shrugged by way of answering, having absolutely no intention of removing the look on her face. If Rosalie wanted to play ignorant, Bella would let her, but she wasn’t about to hide herself.

In all honesty she would probably be mortified and embarrassed later, likely in the privacy of a very hot (or cold) shower, but right now she was too exhausted and the emotions were still too fresh and strong for her to care.

Rosalie eventually just scoffed and reached out to grab Bella’s arm. Not her hand, not on her bare skin, but around her wrist where the hoodie was. Her fingers were tight and firm, but only just enough to keep a grip, not enough to even cut off Bella’s circulation. She grumbled under her breath as she led Bella through the woods, avoiding the paths that would have obstacles for Bella to trip on.

Bella just followed along, doing her best to make sure her legs continued to work properly. She was really starting to get very tired now as the adrenaline was almost completely out of her system, and her face was really starting to hurt from the cold.

But she couldn’t, and wouldn’t, stop smiling the whole way until they reached the edge of the treeline and she could see the house.

Rosalie let go of her then.

“Go on,” she snapped. “Get inside. Warm up. And for the love of god, please try and act with a bit more sense in the future.”

Bella rolled her eyes, the effect of which was somewhat diminished by the smile still plastered on her face, and began walking towards the house. She could see that Alice was waiting inside, practically vibrating. She knew that Jasper was probably ready to grab her if Alice turned into a vampiric torpedo intent on nailing Bella right in the chest.

She got about halfway to the house before she stopped and turned around. Rosalie was still standing at the edge of the treeline, one hand on her hip and one hand covering her face.

“Rosalie?” she called back.

Rosalie moved her hand and looked up and, even from this distance, Bella could tell she had a withering glare on her face. But it just made Bella smile a little wider.

“I’ll take the safest option. But only if it’s you.”

She didn’t stay to see Rosalie’s reaction.

Bella turned around and walked into the house. As she predicted, within moments of opening the sliding glass door, Alice practically pounced her. She stumbled a few steps back before Alice dragged her inside, with Jasper chuckling and shaking his head as he closed the door behind them.

“Oh my gosh Bella! You’ve been gone for like two hours! What were you doing !? Are you okay? I had a vision about you and Rosalie and I saw that something happened but your gift was blocking me out too much and it was too fuzzy so I couldn’t see so tell me what was happening! Are you okay? What’s going on? What did you mean by what you said to Rosalie? Was she being mean? I hope she was nice to you while you were out there, I wanted to come with you but Jasper wouldn’t let me. What happened!?”

Alice finally stopped talking as she pushed Bella into a chair in the kitchen, where Esme already had a kettle of hot water on the stove and had set out a small selection of teabags as well as a few packages of cocoa mix and a mug.

Esme smiled even as she sighed in good-natured exasperation at Alice’s mile-a-minute speech, pushing the mug and offerings towards Bella.

“Warm up, dear,” she said gently, and Bella gave her a grateful smile. She picked a teabag out and Esme began preparing it for her.

Bella then turned to face Alice, who had sat down in a chair next to her and was bouncing up and down.

“So, first of all,” she started, laughing a little. “If I had any questions on whether or not vampires still actually needed to breathe, you have just answered those.”

Alice gasped in mock offense and put a hand over her chest, and Jasper chuckled. Bella could hear Emmett guffaw from the living room over the sounds of his video game, and even Esme laughed lightly.

“I don’t talk that much!” Alice huffed. Then she looked at Jasper. “...do I?”

“I’ll just say you’re far an’ away the most talkative in the house. More than any of the rest of us,” he said diplomatically. Then he smirked. “Combined.”

“Jasp!” Alice gasped. “Rude!”

Esme came over to give Bella her mug of tea and sighed when she got a closer look at Bella’s clothes.

“And you’re all wet, honestly Bella what were you doing out there?” she asked, mild exasperation and a motherly affection blending together in her voice. Bella smiled.

“Cooling off,” she joked.

Alice rolled her eyes at the pun. Esme sighed.

“Bella, I want to apologize,” Esme said gently as Bella took a sip of her tea. “We should have been more considerate about your feelings, no matter how worried we are about your safety. That was wrong of us, and even if we have a disagreement we should have been more...empathetic to you and how you felt, and done better for you. I am sorry.”

“...thanks, Esme,” Bella said gently, feeling her body slowly begin draining the remainder of the tension she had about blowing up at the Cullens earlier. “I really appreciate that.”

Alice coughed lightly.

“I’m sorry too. For the same thing,” she said hesitantly.

“We all are,” Esme said with a nod. “Carlisle is in his study but he asked me to pass on to you that you’re welcome to come speak with him whenever you’ve come to a decision about what you want to do, and we will ultimately respect whatever decision you choose to make. That being said, we have come up with a compromise to our original idea if you would like to hear it?”

Bella smiled and shook her head.

“No, it’s okay. I talked to Rosalie about it. She’s actually...she’s a good person to talk to,” Bella said quietly, trailing off a little before continuing. “She put my head on straight. Smacked some sense into me. Well, not literally, but she did crush a rock in her fist to demonstrate what could happen if Edward got too close to me and was too distressed to control his strength properly.”

Esme huffed lightly.

“That girl, scaring you like that, what was she thinking?” she grumbled lightly.

“No, Esme, it’s fine,” Bella laughed. “I needed it. I really did need it, I needed to...I needed someone to just show me, no bells and whistles, no coddling, exactly how much danger I could be in.”

Esme still looked like she wanted to argue the point a little bit, but she pressed her lips together and nodded.

“So...what does that mean, then?” Alice asked. “I did see that you and Rose had a, uhm, intense conversation but your gift made it too fuzzy to actually figure anything out.”

“I’ll let someone watchdog me in my room,” Bella said, and when Alice’s face lit up she laughed a little. “But only if it’s Rosalie.”

There were a few beats of stunned silence before nearly every Cullen in the room tried to say something simultaneously.

Jasper insisted that it wouldn’t be fair to Rosalie to monopolize all her nights and that Bella should at least consider letting Alice take some nights. Bella smiled and felt a little happy that Jasper was sticking up for his sister, especially after the way he had spoken about her earlier.

Emmett just let out another loud round of laughter and shouted from the living room that it was a good prank.

Esme tutted lightly and said that while she was very happy that Bella and Rosalie were starting to get along that Bella should inform her immediately should Rosalie say or do anything to upset her while keeping watch.

Alice was the only one not to speak. Instead, after a brief expression of surprise crossed her face, a huge grin started to appear and she gave Bella a very satisfied nod of approval. Recalling all the teasing Alice threw her way at school, Bella rolled her eyes.

“You’re never letting me hear the end of it, are you?” she asked her best friend with a wry chuckle.

“Oh, never,” Alice laughed. “Never in a million years. This is gold .”

Bella just shook her head and smiled as Alice giggled.

She asked for her phone and Alice dug it out of her own pocket, handing it to her. Bella send Charlie a quick series of texts explaining that she was going to stay at the Cullens for one more night and that they would take her to school tomorrow.

He replied back about an hour later with a single thumbs-up emoji, which made Bella chuckle. She had made him upgrade his phone after seeing that the cell phone he used was still an old flip phone , and had informed him that she was dragging him into the twenty-first century kicking and screaming if she needed to.

Charlie still didn’t have a good handle on the whole texting thing yet, but he did appreciate the ability to communicate in fewer words than ever before.

Esme did end up taking her grocery shopping, at her request.

She actually had quite a bit of fun talking with the Cullen matriarch, as it turned out that for someone who couldn’t eat human food Esme knew quite a bit about cooking. They had an in-depth discussion about their favorite recipes and ingredients, their individual methods.

Esme based her opinions almost entirely off of how enjoyable the actual act of making the food was, alongside the feedback she got from the people she would give the food to, and as a result Bella got an impromptu education on some more complicated techniques and recipes.

It was a much-needed break from all the stress going on in her life, and for the first time in a while, Bella felt like a normal person just going on an errand with a parent. When Renee would take Bella on an errand she would do a lot of talking at Bella and not so much with her, but Esme was actively engaging with and listening to what Bella had to say and it made the experience that much better.

Esme was charming and proper, but was surprisingly cheeky and youthful in how playful she could be with her words occasionally. Bella was even pretty sure she made at least one innuendo that went over her head.

In the end the duo arrived back at the Cullen house with armfuls of food, some of which would remain at the Cullen house for Bella to make use of when she was over and some of which she and Esme would make use of together for the purposes of feeding whichever party or meeting Esme had found her way into that week.

Soon the kitchen was full of warm, homely smells as Bella worked alongside Esme, being taught how to make a proper pasta sauce entirely from scratch. Esme, apparently, had gotten it into her head that because Bella’s full name was Isabella that she must be Italian, and the fact that she didn’t have a family pasta sauce recipe was a tragedy of some sort.

Bella didn’t quite have the heart to tell Esme that she was fairly certain there wasn’t a drop of Italian in her and that Renee had only picked the name out of the book of baby names she had because it sounded nice to her.

Alice remained in the kitchen with them the entire time. She claimed she was ‘helping’ but in reality she was just trying to distract Bella by telling her horrible jokes and making silly faces at her when Esme wasn’t looking.

Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie had apparently all gone out to hunt according to Alice.

Carlisle made an appearance to speak with Bella, both to once again offer his own apologies, this time for upsetting Bella earlier, and to confirm for himself what Bella’s decision was. When she told him he looked at her with a curious expression on his face.

“Really?” he asked, sounding both slightly surprised and a bit skeptical. “I was under the impression that the two of you did not quite...get along.”

Bella just smiled at him.

“We had a talk earlier,” she said plainly. “I mean, she hasn’t told me whether or not she’ll do it yet. But I think, after our talk, I would be alright with someone watching me at night if it’s her.”

Carlisle stared at her for a few more moments before a small smile appeared on his face and he nodded.

“Very well. Would you like me to have a talk with her about it?” he asked.

Bella shook her head.

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” she said with a shrug, stirring the pasta sauce idly. “And I don’t want to push her if she doesn’t want to, anyway. So if she says no I’ll think of something else.”

Carlisle nodded.

“Alright then. That smells wonderful by the way, Esme’s recipe?” he said, looking to his wife with a look on his face that made Bella feel slightly flustered and embarrassed at even being in the same room as that expression.

Esme was looking back at him with an even gooier expression, somehow, and Bella fought her blush down and turned back to the pasta sauce.

Giggling, Alice bounced up to her and looped their arms together, resting her head on her shoulder and whispering.

“If you’re around more often you’ll have to get used to that. They’ve been together nearly a century and still can’t be in the same room without practically fornicating with their eyes at least once,” she snickered.

“Alice!” Esme chided as Bella’s blush deepened.

“Yes mother?” Alice said innocently.

“You stop teasing Bella,” Esme said wryly. “If anyone is going to tease her about how much I love my husband it’s me , thank you very much.”

Bella made a slightly garbled sound in her throat as she let go of the wooden spoon she was stirring with, letting the handle fall on the edge of the pot as she covered her face with both of her hands.

Alice threw her head back in her laughter and Esme reached out and gave Bella a reassuring stroke of her hair, laughing pleasantly. Even Carlisle chuckled softly before kissing his wife and returning to his study.

“If you think that was bad, you should hear what we get up to after he comes home from work,” Esme said with a wink before leaving the kitchen, informing Alice that she was going to tend the greenhouses and to let Bella know that after ten more minutes she could turn the heat on the stove down to very low and cover the sauce to let it simmer.

Bella, meanwhile, was trying to restart her brain after that sentence.

“This family exists to punish me,” she mumbled after a moment. “I am being punished for my sins. I know it.”

Alice giggled and bumped her hip into Bella’s.

“You love us,” she accused playfully.

Bella just rolled her eyes and bumped Alice’s hip back before returning her attention to the sauce. After the ten minutes had passed she followed Esme’s instructions and moved to the living room to greet Emmett, who she had heard return a few minutes ago and immediately start his game system back up.

“Hey big guy,” Bella said, sitting down on the floor next to him and crossing her legs. “What absurd trick are you trying to pull now?”

The last time they had spoken at school, Emmett had told Bella that he was getting into this thing called ‘speed-running’ which meant beating a game from start to finish as fast as possible, and it included a lot of really crazy tricks. He had described one to Bella that she barely understood, but it didn’t sound like what she was observing on the screen now.

“Oh hey! I’m trying to clip through this wall,” Emmett said, pointing at a part of the level’s geometry where two walls met in an awkward corner. “Apparently the collision boxes don’t work properly there and if you do it right you can go out of bounds.”

“Huh,” Bella watched as Emmett threw his character at the wall with frantic button-pressing, grumbling to himself when his character just continued to press themselves against the wall, rather than move through it. “Why is going out of bounds good?”

“Cus I can skip a bunch of the level,” Emmett said.

“Ohhh. Makes sense,” Bella said, nodding.

As she watched Emmett continue to attempt the trick, her mind wandered back to the woods.

To Rosalie.

Talking to Rosalie.

Watching her. Getting to hear her thoughts, actually having a conversation with her that didn’t consist of insults. She even managed to not sound angry and sharp for part of it. The way Rosalie had clearly expressed concern over Bella when the panic attack loomed over her.

Something about that in particular kept bothering Bella. Her memories of her panic attacks were always a bit fuzzy, and she remembered what came after much clearer, but something about that was getting to her.

The moment right before she scrambled to her feet and turned around.

Why did she turn around?

She wracked her brain trying to remember, frowning.

After a while the only thing she ended up with was a mild headache. So instead she moved on, contenting herself with replaying the memory of Rosalie’s arms around her over, and over and over again. And those three words never left her mind.

“You’re with me.”

Yeah.

Bella was so fucked .

Rosalie and Jasper eventually returned. Their arms were linked and Rosalie was laughing about something, and when they parted Rosalie ruffled Jasper’s hair playfully and said something that Bella couldn’t quite catch, but was still delivered in her unmistakable hard, vaguely waspish tone.

Jasper made his way to Alice, who nearly jumped into his arms, and Rosalie closed the sliding glass door behind them and stood still for a moment, closing her eyes. When she came into the living room Emmett was still trying to make the trick, and she raised an eyebrow at the television.

“Emmett why are you trying to make your character fuck the wall?” she asked, her voice dry as the Sahara.

Bella giggled as Emmett stuck his tongue out at his sister, explaining that he was actually trying to do a cool trick, thank you .

“Oh,” Rosalie said after the explanation. “You don’t seem to be very good at at it,” she pointed out, the corner of her mouth twitching up.

“Oh screw you Rose,” Emmett laughed. “I’ll get it eventually!”

“Uh huh. You have fun with that,” Rosalie said wryly.

Only then did she seem to recognize Bella’s presence. Bella had moved to the couch by that point and was curled up in the corner, her knees pulled up to her chest, still wrapped in Emmett’s hoodie.

Her eye twitched lightly and she quickly moved upstairs.

Bella was about to sigh and go back to just watching Emmett when Rosalie came back down the stairs, this time with a different hoodie in her hands. It was a dark blue, and she tossed it at Bella’s head.

“His is far too big for you,” Rosalie scoffed. “Try that one. It should fit you.”

Emmett looked between Bella and Rosalie with wide eyes as Bella blinked a few times, pulling the hoodie off her face and staring at Rosalie.

Rosalie put a hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow at Bella, putting on her best ‘I-don’t-have-all-day’ irritated glare.

Bella pulled off Emmett’s hoodie and pulled on the new one.

It was still a bit big, but it did fit much better.

“Thought so,” Rosalie said, walking over and snatching Emmett’s hoodie from Bella’s lap. “I’ll make sure this gets washed for you, Em.”

“Uh, thanks Rose,” Emmett said, blinking owlishly.

Rosalie scowled at him.

“What!?”

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked after a moment.

“No, you’re annoying me,” Rosalie drawled.

Emmett held his hands up in surrender and turned back to his game, once again trying to clip through the wall. He got his character halfway through this time and whooped, doing a fist pump before he then realized he had to restart the game, as he couldn’t get his character out of the wall.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and turned back to Bella.

“Do you still want the safest option?” she asked.

Her voice was steady. Hard, and sharp, just like Bella expected. But there was far less open animosity than before, and none of the wounded hissing from after the earlier events.

Rosalie’s eyes gave nothing away. They were guarded and watchful, and as Bella observed her face and her eyes, she could tell that Rosalie was still wearing the same mask she had watched her slip on before.

Nothing would be gained from pushing anything right now, but the question was a good sign.

Bella nodded.

Rosalie nodded back.

She stood still for a moment, her fist clenching and unclenching a few times around Emmett’s hoodie.

“I’ll do it,” she eventually muttered before turning on her heel and marching back up the stairs in a blur of movement.

When she was gone, Emmett looked at Bella over his shoulder with a wide grin, giving her a big thumbs up. Bella chuckled and gave him a thumbs up back.

She chalked up Emmett’s blatant approval of her interactions with Rosalie as simply being happy that his current and hopefully-future sister were getting along, finally. When Alice continued to make fun of her for her blatant (and growing) crush on Rosalie, she wrote it off as simple teasing and nothing more.

But in the back of her mind, she remembered the first time she had looked into Rosalie Hale’s eyes that day through the windshield of her car, and a small part of her began to wonder.

A small part of her began to hope.

A small part of her began speaking in hushed whispers, gentle and unobtrusive like the warm flickering of a single lit candle.

That maybe, just maybe, the way Bella joined the Cullens wasn’t through her inevitable, untimely death.

That maybe their first theory had been right all along, and that they were just a bit off base about the who of it all.

But it was only a small part.

A small hope.

A small whisper.

The rest of Bella’s mind dismissed the notion as the foolish naivete of a girl desperate for love and affection. Thought of it as a silly byproduct of having her life protected, twice now, so gallantly, so...preciously, that it was making her head and heart spin a bit out of control.

Port Angeles, and the woods.

She tempered her emotions and expectations. Forced herself to keep her hopes smothered and truly down. Rosalie was just keeping Bella safe because if something happened to her, it would hurt her family. And Bella could tell that no matter what anyone said, nothing was more important to Rosalie than her family.

So Bella dismissed the idea. While she didn’t think it likely, she figured someday in the future the infatuation would pass. Maybe if she did become part of the Cullens, she’d one day meet her own mate and it would just be a funny memory.

She wondered who that hypothetical person might be.

And if, in her dreams, that hypothetical person bore a striking resemblance to one Rosalie Hale, well...Bella could always just keep that to herself.

A girl was allowed to dream, after all.

 

 

 

Notes:

Yeah I dunno.

My brain decided to do this. The conversation between Bella and Rosalie was planned, with them getting a bit closer. But everything starting with the coyotes? Yeah that just *happened*. My muse decided we were going in that direction and I was not one to deny it because I fucking *love* it.

Also, I've alluded to this in a few comments and I'm trying to slip it into the actual text but I figure I'll just put it in an AN too, I *heavily nerf* the vampires from how strong they are in Twilight. They're still VERY strong, not just in physical strength but in terms of just, how powerful they are, but I like my stories to have some reasonable stakes, thanks. So, for my version of how strong vamps are, it is a reasonable concern that when faced of a pack of predators, while the vampire themselves wouldn't have any trouble, trying to keep a human safe is a whole other kettle of fish and not guaranteed if the vampire were to leave them alone.

But Rosalie might have *slightly* overreacted to a perceived threat to her mate and they weren't actually in *that* much danger, but Bella doesn't know that :'D

Anyway, the mate bond is *really* waking up in Bella now and she is NOT going to let Rosalie get away from it that easily. She doesn't really comprehend what's happening yet, because she's still under the impression that if it WAS a mate-bond that Rosalie would recognize that and acknowledge it (because she does not know the extent of Rosalie's denial), but she's allowing herself to fantasize a little bit about it. She can tell Rosalie has issues, and by the end of the chapter she's obviously way less convinced of the idea that Rosalie doesn't care for her than at the beginning, so her attitude is something along the lines of "This person clearly does care about me in some facet and is having some issues with it" and due to her own growing affection for Rosalie, isn't going to just let her get away with running away from it. But she doesn't know the *nature* of Rosalie's care for her and is assuming it's more along the lines of the way Alice or Emmett care about her.

So. Yeah. I hope you guys like it, the bond between them is going to start really moving now, but as you can probably assume it's not going to be all sunshine and roses. Rosalie is dealing with some *severe* levels of cognitive dissonance right now and eventually she's going to have to confront her issues honestly, and that's not going to be pretty.

Love you all, hope you enjoy this entry. My fucking FINGERS hurt dudes, I've written like at least 40,000 words cumulatively in the past two weeks x.x"

Chapter 12: I Know For The Last Time, You Will Not Be Mine (So Give Me The Night)

Summary:

Bella has her first day and night of supernatural escorts. More talking with the Cullens, more of Bella's thoughts on them all and the whole situation, and her and Rosalie grow a little closer. And then in the night, a familiar face shows up in a dream...

Bella’s first day of having her own personal suite of supernatural bodyguards was...a lot more relaxed than she was expecting, if she was being honest with herself. The Cullens apparently always took two cars to school, because Rosalie refused to let anyone else drive if she was going to be in the car.

She would take one or two of her siblings with her, and the rest would go in a separate car and rotate through who was driving that day. On the morning after Bella’s second night at the Cullen house, she barely had time to pull the hoodie that Rosalie had lent her back on before Alice had grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her to the garage. They were about to bundle into a car with Jasper at the wheel when Rosalie entered the garage and scoffed.

“I think not,” she said, striding up and lightly smacking Alice’s hand that was on Bella’s wrist. “I’ve witnessed how all of you drive. I’m not letting you drive a human if I can help it, even if you’re looking ahead for collisions.”

Bella half-expected Alice to protest or demand to come with them, but to her surprise Alice just shrugged and released her wrist. She was grateful, because she remembered how Emmett drove the other night after picking her up and shuddered slightly.

The other three Cullen siblings got into the car and peeled out as Rosalie led Bella over to one of several other cars in the garage. Bella looked around at them all curiously, and Rosalie slightly puffed her chest out in pride when she saw Bella’s slightly awestruck gaze.

“I fixed them all up myself,” Rosalie declared.

“Whoa,” Bella said quietly, feeling slightly awkward. She was glad that Rosalie wasn’t taking every opportunity to insult her now, but she was still speaking to her in clipped tones and with a hard edge to her voice.

It didn’t help that Rosalie’s face was still as stone. Apparently after yesterday she was being extra-careful about letting any aspect of her mask slip, and it made Bella unsure of how to interact with her.

“That’s really cool,” she eventually settled on, giving Rosalie an awkward half-smile. “I don’t know the first thing about cars, honestly.”

Rosalie snorted.

“Trust me you didn’t have to tell me that,” she said. “Your poor truck speaks volumes on the breadth of your knowledge regarding motor vehicles.”

“Charlie said he was going to ask Billy about the engine,” Bella said lamely, pushing her hands into her pockets. “Apparently Billy wasn’t able to find a good replacement before I got here.”

“Billy? As in Billy Black?” Rosalie asked with a frown as she stopped in front of one of the cars, revealing a set of keys in her hand as she unlocked the doors. She opened the passenger side door for Bella, which definitely did not…

Oh, screw it , Bella thought as she ducked into the car, settling into the nice leather seat and beginning to hunt for her seatbelt. There wasn’t any use in denying it anymore. Rosalie opening the car door for her made her heart flutter in an absolutely embarrassing manner for something so minor.

“Yeah. Do you guys know the Blacks?” Bella asked Rosalie when she appeared in the drivers seat, quickly getting herself settled in before turning the keys in the ignition and beginning to pull out onto the road.

Bella could already tell that this was going to be a much more pleasant ride than Emmett’s driving. Rosalie seemed like she actually cared to look where she was going , for one.

“In a roundabout manner…” Rosalie muttered, a bit of heat to her words that caught Bella slightly by surprise.

She grimaced.

“Don’t get along?” she ventured.

Rosalie was quiet for a moment before responding, until they were already on the main road to the school.

“We aren’t allowed on Quileute land,” she said firmly.

Bella waited to see if she would elaborate. This time, she did not, and Bella carefully pushed forward a follow-up question.

“Why not?” she asked curiously.

“Reasons that I’m unsure whether or not you’re allowed to know,” Rosalie said plainly. “If things go according to Alice’s visions you’ll find out. But until then, ask Carlisle.”

Bella nodded. She could accept that answer.

They were about halfway to the school when Rosalie spoke up again.

“Alright. I agreed to what you asked for yesterday, so this is the part where we talk about exactly how that’s going to work,” Rosalie said quietly. Her voice was still edged and slightly dangerous, but Bella could hear the notes of sympathy she had heard the other day when Rosalie was talking about the...situation Bella was in.

Bella nodded again.

“ Until the...situation...is resolved , Alice will be taking you to and from school and your house. Apparently your father responds the best to her, although he won’t mind seeing me or Emmett occasionally. Jasper, apparently, scares him.”

Bella frowned.

“How do you – “ she started.

“Alice,” Rosalie interrupted. “She checked ahead. We discussed things further last night while you slept. ”

“Ah. Still getting used to that,” Bella said sheepishly.

Rosalie nodded before continuing.

“She’ll pick you up in the morning and drop you off in the afternoon, and stay with you as long as she reasonably can. If you want to go anywhere after school instead of home, Emmett or Jasper will take you. Alice will probably tag along with you often, but even she needs time to herself occasionally,” Rosalie said, a slight tinge of amusement in her voice.

Bella gave a small smile.

“Who would’ve thought,” she chuckled.

“During school hours you’ll be handed off between the three of them to generally shepherd you from class to class. Not as an active escort, but just generally present in the hallway. School is the last place we expect anything to happen so we don’t need to be as vigilant, but we still don’t want to leave you unattended.”

Bella nodded again, although she didn’t think she’d mind walking with one of them in the hallways and said as much.

“Then you can do that. It’s up to you,” Rosalie said patiently. “I should warn you, however, that Jasper is still working on his self-control. He’s promised that he should be fine to take one or two escorts a day, but you should still be careful. He manages fine when he has to be without us, but on top of watching you… ” she continued, slowly trailing off at the end.

“Do you not trust him?” she asked, frowning.

Rosalie waited a beat before responding.

“It isn’t about trust,” she said quietly. “It’s about making sure you’re informed.”

Bella didn’t have a response to that, and silence settled over them until they arrived in the parking lot. Rosalie released her seatbelt but didn’t make to leave the car, so Bella followed suit.

“As for me…” Rosalie said eventually, her voice still quiet and monotone. “I’ll arrive in the evening after Alice leaves. She’ll likely leave before you eat dinner. How would you prefer me to arrive?”

Bella blinked.

“What do you mean?” she asked, slightly confused.

“It would be best if your father didn’t see me around at night,” Rosalie said. “The best way to do this would be for me to enter through your bedroom window right around when Alice is leaving, so that I can generally stay out of his sight. But he has those cameras outside, yes?”

Bella nodded her understanding.

“I have an idea?” she said hesitantly.

Rosalie gestured for her to speak.

“Instead of Alice taking me home today, you should,” Bella said slowly. “I can tell Charlie that you’re interested in getting your own set of night-time wildlife cameras and that I told you about his, and you want to see how he’s got them set up. He’d be happy to show you, and then you can see where they all are and avoid them.”

“ That’s a good idea,” Rosalie murmured, thinking it over.

“He’ll probably show you the actual video all on his own,” Bella chuckled. “He has names for the ‘regulars’ that show up often and he tells anyone who will listen about them. So you can see the camera angles from that perspective too.”

Rosalie nodded.

“I’ll ask Alice if that will work,” Rosalie said quietly. “One way or the other I’ll find you after school to take you home. I’ll make a show of leaving around the same time Alice would, and then go in through your window. Just make sure you get into the habit of leaving it open.”

“And you’re not worried Edward would take advantage of that?” Bella asked awkwardly.

Rosalie shook her head.

“We’re going for a smooth hand-off. Alice, or whoever is with you in the afternoon, will text me their departure window in advance and I’ll be waiting outside already before they even leave, watching the window. So if he does try, we’ll be right there to intercept. Same with the pick-up. I’ll leave in the morning as soon as Alice arrives, she’ll be getting here early enough to give me time to run home and put on new clothes and generally decompress a bit before school. On weekends we can just take you to the house during the day and not worry about it, if you like. ”

“Okay,” Bella said with a deep sigh. “Okay.”

“I don’t plan on intruding much into your personal space. When I’m there you can simply act as if I’m not,” Rosalie said plainly. “I’ll bring a book and read, and you can do...whatever it is you do in the evening.”

“What if...what if I want to talk to you?” Bella ventured nervously, fiddling with a loose bit of skin on her thumb as she stared at her feet.

She could feel Rosalie staring at her, but couldn’t make herself meet her eyes. She felt her cheeks begin to tingle with the beginning of a blush and tried to fight it down, feeling a fresh swell of embarrassment and frustration in the process.

Accepting her feelings and learning to stop avoiding herself was all well and good and she knew it was an important part of her recovery but good lord did Rosalie really have to reduce her to this much of a nervous wreck!?

“I suppose...that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” Rosalie said. She spoke slowly and haltingly, as if each word out of her mouth was like pulling a tooth. “Provided you aren’t...annoying.”

Bella rubbed the back of her head awkwardly.

“Just tell me if I’m ever too much. I’m not usually a chatterbox but uh,” Bella coughed awkwardly and shrugged. “I dunno, when you’re not constantly slinging barbs at me you’re actually kinda nice to talk to.”

Rosalie stilled entirely at those words, even her idle movements halting as her entire body froze. Bella waited, holding her breath in anticipation and hoping she hadn’t just chased Rosalie further back into whatever shell she was hiding in before yesterday.

After a painful minute of silence Rosalie simply opened the car door and left. But before Bella could fully absorb the sting of rejection, Rosalie was opening the passenger side door and holding out a hand.

Blinking in surprise and staring for a moment, Bella hesitantly reached out and took her hand to pull herself out of the car.

Her hand, like the rest of her family, was cool to the touch. Bella felt herself cringing inwardly at how sweaty and gross her own hand must feel in comparison, but she felt her stomach and chest flutter in tandem as Rosalie firmly grasped her, helping her out of the car.

When she was on her feet and Rosalie had closed and locked the car door behind her, she let out a breath and wrinkled her nose at the chilly air.

“Let’s go,” Rosalie murmured as she started walking.

Bella sighed.

Rather dejectedly, she walked behind Rosalie until they reached the entrance, upon which Rosalie paused and turned slightly to speak over her shoulder, quiet and under her breath. Bella barely heard her among the throngs of students beginning to arrive, all talking over each other.

“I suppose you’re not so bad to talk to either.”

And then she was gone, disappearing down the hallways. Students hurriedly got out of her way, and Bella stared dumbly after her for several moments before realizing with a jolt that she needed to get to her locker, and only had a few minutes to spare before her first class.

“Ah, shit,” she hissed as she sped after.

~~~

It was entertaining, walking through the halls side-by-side with one of the Cullens. The first time Bella made her way to a class with Alice’s arm looped around hers and Jasper casually strolling a foot behind them, she passed by Angela and Jessica, who both looked at her with stunned, wide-eyed expressions.

Bella just waved cheekily at them, and knew she was in for an interrogation in the cafeteria later.

When the inevitable came, she deflected the questions and spoke primarily with Lauren who, after the Cullens assistance in Port Angeles, had completely stopped speaking ill of them. Now that Bella seemed to be doing much better, Lauren was much more relaxed, and was no longer looking at Bella as if she were about to spontaneously fracture into pieces.

She spent the lunch period with an earbud from Lauren’s phone in one ear, the other one in Lauren’s, listening to a new band Lauren found. She offered her opinions on the music and offered to show Lauren one of her favorite artists another day.

Emmett was her escort after lunch, and he came up to the table to greet her and Lauren. When he did so Lauren giggled in a manner very uncharacteristic for her, and when Bella raised an eyebrow at her she smacked Bella’s knee and told her to shut up.

“I didn’t say anything,” Bella chuckled as she stood up.

“Your face did,” Lauren grumbled, poking Bella’s hip.

“How come they’re all walking you to class?” Jessica blurted out as Bella moved to stand next to Emmett.

“Because they’re my friends?” Bella asked, doing her best to look very confused as to why Jessica was even bothering to ask.

“But…” Jessica started, before Angela pinched her leg.

“We’ll see you later Bella,” Angela said, smiling apologetically.

“Seeya later guys,” Bella said with a small wave.

“Bye bitch,” Lauren said. Then, turning to face Emmett, she spoke much more sweetly. “Bye Emmett!”

They got out into the hallway and Bella lightly bumped her hip into Emmett’s.

“She’s got a crush on you,” she snickered. “Since she knows we’re friends, she asks about you at least every other day.”

Emmett laughed and put his hands behind his head.

“She’ll get over it,” he said wryly. “They always do.”

“Do you ever want to find someone?” Bella asked curiously, looking up at him.

He frowned in thought for a few moments before shrugging, gently guiding Bella around another student by her shoulder.

“Dunno. I suppose it’s gotta happen someday, right? If I find the right person?” he said hesitantly, shrugging. “I’ve never really given it much thought.”

“Really?” Bella asked.

“ Even back... before ,” he said, emphasizing the word. Bella guessed he meant when he was human. “I never really thought about it. I was always more concerned with...doing whatever else I felt like doing. Having fun, doing dumb stuff just to see if I could.”

“But you’ve never thought about finding someone to do dumb stuff with ?” Bella asked.

Emmett shrugged again.

“I have my family. Jasper is always down to arm-wrestle or have a shot-put contest or whatever, and Alice is always up for games, although I don’t play chess with her anymore. Rose is a really good sport about my pranks, and Ed…”

He paused awkwardly at the mention of Edward and Bella gave him a little nudge with her hip.

“You can talk about him,” she said quietly. “I don’t mind.”

Emmett was quiet for a moment before he spoke.

“Ed was the one who told me to try doing something artsy,” he said with an awkward shrug. “I thought it was all really boring until he showed me stuff like sculpting and wood-carving, which is fun. I like making... something out of nothing , if that makes sense.”

Bella nodded.

They reached her class and she paused before entering, turning to Emmett with a hesitant, awkward expression.

“He...he sounds like he was a decent brother,” she tried, smiling awkwardly. “I’m sorry everything is so screwed up because of me. I hope it all works out eventually.”

Emmett shook his head and patted her shoulder.

“Nah, don’t think like that Bells. Ed’s always been a little messed up in the head,” he said quietly. “He was decent, most of the time. Better than decent. But he always had issues and, well…”

He made a vague gesture.

“And now we’re here. But it’s not your fault. We...we’ve all given Ed a bit too much rope,” he sighed.

Bella nodded, not knowing what to say. Emmett gave her a wan smile and pushed her into her class before going off towards his own.

She sighed, sitting at her desk and pulling out the textbook. Bella hated math.

~~~

Walking with Jasper was definitely the most intriguing experience out of her three school escorts. She had spent enough time with Alice now to be mostly used to her eccentricities, but Jasper was different.

For once, today was the first day Bella had actually been alone with him. Well, not alone-alone, but without any of his siblings around.

He always wore a very stony, hard expression in school. When Bella met him in the hallway outside of her class she had immediately asked if he was okay, and he looked a bit confused for a moment before she elaborated.

“You look like you just watched a dog die,” she said with a slight chuckle.

He gave her a slightly crooked smile. His thumbs were in his belt loops and he was leaning against the wall, and for a brief moment Bella could sort of understand where straight girls were coming from.

“Have to focus pretty hard here, ‘specially when the others ain’t ‘round,” he said. Bella noticed that when Jasper was focused on other things, like keeping his instincts in check for example, his voice thickened further into that southern drawl that she usually only heard hints of. As they walked she asked him about it.

“How come you suppress your accent so much?” she asked.

“Well…” he started. “To tell you the truth, I don’t rightly know. I suppose I just felt awkward about it, back when I first...arrived.”

“It sounds nice,” Bella commented. “You should let it out a bit more.”

“Y’know,” Jasper chuckled. “Alice tells me the same thing.”

“Well we all know the saying about Alice,” Bella teased.

“Oh trust me darlin’, I’m the last person who’ll ever bet against her,” he laughed. Bella smiled, happy to see his usually stone-serious face relax a little as they walked.

They chatted idly about Alice a bit, exchanging a few anecdotes. They were about to arrive at Bella’s class when a question popped into her mind.

“Hey, Jasper?” she asked hesitantly.

“Yes?”

“...why Hale? Why share with Rosalie?” Bella asked.

“Because neither of us have ever really been Cullens,” he replied easily, a slightly far away look in his eyes.

Bella frowned.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jasper just gave her his crooked smile and nodded his head towards her class.

“Ask me again some other time,” he said before turning around and walking away.

She looked after him for a moment before going to class, but even after she sat down, she was long past paying attention. Thankfully this was material she had already read ahead on, so she simply acted like she was very invested in her textbook while her mind wandered from Cullen to Cullen to...Hale.

Alice, the ever-talkative hyperactive coked-up squirrel of a person, to whom the idea of ‘personal space’ seemed entirely foreign. But, yet, shockingly insightful and clever, and always eerily perceptive of Bella’s thoughts. She supposed she could chalk that up to the precognition, which was still a headache to try and think about.

When she thought about how Alice always immediately responded to her texts though, it made her smile.

“The little shit really did see the future,” she chuckled to herself.

Then, Emmett, whose sheer size and musculature might have been intimidating if it weren’t for his kind, boyish face that always wore some manner of dopey grin. Like Alice, endlessly friendly, but in a different way. Alice would shove herself front and center and make herself known, but Emmett was simply just there . Ready with an easy laugh or a comforting smile.

Carlisle and Esme really were the parental figures, she had figured out even in her brief time immersed in their home since finding out that they weren’t human. She had a brief time right after the reveal where she thought the whole thing was a farce, but that had quickly been proven wrong.

Esme was the platonic ideal of a mother, endlessly fussing over her children and caring for them in a warm way that had Bella’s stomach squirming with uncomfortable envy. An envy that was somewhat abated when Esme would turn to her and give her the exact same treatment without batting an eye, but it would only find itself replaced with guilt and shame covering up what enjoyment she was able to get from the experience.

The specter of her upbringing with Renee still haunted her. The uncomfortable conversations with her therapist about her mother, the way she was, the way Bella felt about her.

She felt guilty and awful for even thinking about comparing Esme with Renee. Both because Esme didn’t deserve the comparison, and because she felt like a horrible daughter and like she was failing Renee by thinking of her that way.

With an irritated huff Bella closed her eyes for a moment and re-routed her thoughts. Despite her best efforts and endless conversation with her therapist, her mother was still a hot-button topic that was nearly guaranteed to send her down very unpleasant mental rabbit holes.

So she thought about Carlisle instead. That was easier. She didn’t immediately feel a need to compare him to Charlie.

She still found him incredibly intimidating, and when she told him so he found it amusing. He said that all vampires, once they got to a certain age, would have a certain aura about them that even humans could detect. An instinctual gut reaction to skitter away and conceal their presence in the face of an elder vampire.

Apparently it came in quite handy in the medical field, and he was always the go-to doctor to wrangle insurance companies at whatever hospital or practice he ended up working with in a given area.

But he was also warm and kind, and the brief moments Bella had spent in his presence had been...nice. Aside from the tendency he shared with his family to be a bit presumptuous at times, given that whole incident that led to her experience in the woods.

A thought that led her promptly into thinking about the Hales.

Jasper’s words hummed in her mind.

“Because we’ve never really been Cullens.”

She didn’t know a lot about Jasper or Rosalie’s history. Any of them, really. She supposed she had nothing but time to find out, but something about the way Jasper said that got her mind working. The scars that were always visible on his skin came to her mind, and she shivered as she wondered how on earth a vampire even got scars if they really did heal as well as she had been told.

Bella knew that Jasper wasn’t always the person she had met a few months ago. He used to eat humans, regularly, and was older than all of them except Carlisle, the only one of them to have a long history of his own before the Cullens.

She wondered if that was what he meant. That because of who he was before, the Cullens had never fully accepted him.

The idea sat uncomfortably in her stomach and she hoped it wasn’t true. But if it was, she quietly resolved to not fall into those same patterns. The Jasper she knew was nice. A gentle soul. Reserved and quiet, but with a presence that spoke louder than words ever could.

But as far as Bella knew, Rosalie had never lived as anything but a member of the family since her turning. Carlisle had indicated that he was responsible for the turning of every member of the family save Alice and Jasper, and should Bella join their family due to an untimely demise, he would likely be responsible for her as well.

Hale must have been Rosalie’s original surname that Jasper adopted, Bella mused. She thought back to the scant few times she’d seen the two interacting, which wasn’t much, but it did make sense. Emmett seemed to get along with Rosalie the best, but the way she and Jasper would interact was different.

It was in the way they would look at each other. Not quite friendly, but as if they were two people sharing a sad secret.

She found herself feeling lost, and simultaneously intimidated and impatient to know more. These were the people that, allegedly, she would one day spend an immortal life with, through some circumstance or other. Yet despite all the care they had shown her, all the words they had spoken to her about how important she was to them, she couldn’t help but feel unworthy of it all.

Bella couldn’t help but feel...afraid.

That they must have the wrong girl, the wrong person. Maybe there was another Bella Swan that Alice had seen in her visions that would be more suited to join them someday, someone who was a bit more put together and a bit more mature, more confident and in control of themselves.

Someone a little less…

...broken.

Bella sighed and rubbed her eyes, and then the class was over and Alice was fetching her.

It was almost time to go home.

~~~

“Can you tell me what it’s like?” Bella asked as they sat outside, waiting for Rosalie. She was apparently a bit busy with something and would be a bit later than expected to take Bella home. Alice was waiting with her, sitting on the grass within sight of Rosalie’s car.

“Hm? What is what like?” Alice asked, pausing in her activity of braiding Bella’s hair.

“C’mon. You know…” Bella mumbled awkwardly.

“Ah. Well…” Alice said knowingly. She trailed off and undid her work on Bella’s hair before moving to sit in front of her, facing towards her. “What do you want to know, exactly?”

“Just...what does it feel like? To...be? Like that?” Bella asked, her voice quiet.

“Amazing,” Alice declared with a wide grin. “And...sometimes terrifying,” she admitted. “I don’t remember my life as a human, but not in the sense that it’s just a total blank slate. I don’t know who I was or anything about my life, but I remember some things about the experience. What colors looked like and what things felt like to touch or smell, or hear.”

She plucked a wilting blade of grass from the earth and held it in her palm.

“As a human you probably see this as...brown,” Alice said, with a little nod. “Maybe with a little bit of green left. But mostly brown?”

Bella nodded.

“I see brown too, but it isn’t just one brown,” Alice said, smiling. “It’s like...thirty slightly different kinds of brown, all mottled with leftover green from when it was still all the way alive. I can see the little fibers, the grooves on the flat surface.”

She tilted her palm and let the blade of grass drift back to the ground.

“I can hear it when it touches the ground,” she whispered. “I have to strain my ears a bit, but I can hear it if I’m close enough. When I’m in the woods I can hear all the little sounds the animals make. Rabbits digging burrows in the ground, the little footsteps of birds on tree branches. And I can hear heartbeats. Especially yours around my sister,” she said, giggling a bit.

Bella blushed slightly but didn’t say anything.

“Or when you’re having a panic attack,” she continued, her giggles stopping in favor of a slightly pained expression. “That’s never fun to hear. Especially when I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“I’m sorry,” Bella said automatically.

“Hush. It’s alright,” Alice said.

“What about like...like, emotionally? Rosalie and Jasper said everything was all jacked up to the nines, so…” Bella murmured.

“Hmm,” Alice said, rocking back and forth a little. “Yes and no. We are more volatile, but we’re also...frozen. In time.”

Bella blinked.

“How do you mean?” she asked.

“When you become a vampire, you stop aging,” Alice explained. “That means mentally as well as physically. It’s not a total freeze, you don’t stay exactly the same forever, but the rate of change is dramatically slowed down. That’s why we all still pass as teenagers really well, because...well, we effectively kind of are. Forever.”

“That sounds awful,” Bella said plainly.

Alice laughed.

“It can be frustrating at times,” she said with a nod. “But it can also be a blessing. Carlisle is a little over two-hundred years old but sometimes you wouldn’t think it. He can be surprisingly impulsive, which I dare to say is why there’s so many of us Cullens in the first place,” she said with a light laugh.

“How old was he when…?” Bella asked.

“None of us know for sure, he won’t say,” Alice said with a pout. “But no older than twenty-five, I’d put money on it.”

“I can’t imagine being...stuck, forever,” Bella said, grimacing.

“It’s not so bad once you get used to it,” Alice hummed. “And like I said, you’re not really frozen forever. You can still change, especially if you want to. It just takes more effort than it would for a human. Sometimes by several orders of magnitude.”

That didn’t really make Bella feel better.

It was already a nearly-insurmountable task to change the way she thought, to change her behavior. And if she was turned while she was still...like this, it would be even harder ?

She felt slightly sick in her stomach.

“Are you alright?” Alice asked softly.

“But...you said you saw me? Like that?” Bella whispered.

“I did,” Alice said, nodding. “I still do. It’s a bit vague, of course, there’s quite a few decisions to be made between then and now, but it’s still there.”

“And am I still…?” Bella asked, catching herself at the end and hesitating.

None of them knew .

They knew she had panic attacks. And they obviously saw the kind of state Port Angeles left her in.

But...none of them... knew .

She remembered dully that Jasper’s gift was to feel the emotions of others, and that he couldn’t feel her.

Because of her own gift.

“Still what?” Alice asked, confused.

“...nevermind,” Bella sighed, shaking her head. “It’s nothing. Just...being self-conscious about stuff, I guess. I have another question though.”

“Shoot,” Alice said, smiling.

“You can see the future.”

“Is that the question?”

“No. But you can, yeah?”

“Yes.”

Bella nodded.

“And...and Edward can read minds, sort of, and Jasper can feel the emotions of others?”

“And influence them to some degree, yes. Why do you ask?” Alice asked, the curiosity heavy in her voice.

“Well...Carlisle said that night that you guys couldn’t really see or feel me with your gifts because I have one too,” Bella said slowly. “And I was wondering how...how that works? Can I like... do anything about that? Like, if I wanted you to see me better, or if I wanted to let Jasper know how I’m feeling without having to say it out loud?”

Something tickled in the back of Bella’s mind. As if something was...laughing.

She rubbed the back of her head lightly.

Alice tapped her chin as she thought.

“Theoretically you should be able to,” she said slowly. “Jasper and Edward’s gifts only manifested after they were turned, and I don’t know about me. But from everything I know about gifts and how they function, while it might be...more difficult for you, I think you should be able to control it, yes.”

Bella nodded.

“Cool. So...so how do I do...that… ?”

Alice giggled.

“That I have no idea about,” she laughed. “My visions tend to just... happen to me. And when I want to force one, it’s not really that much different than forcing myself to think about...oh, I don’t know, a specific dress I want or trying to picture what you’re doing today. I just think about it really hard and focus my thoughts on the ‘future’ and it either happens or it doesn’t.”

“That’s very helpful,” Bella grumbled sarcastically.

“I’m sorry,” Alice laughed. “It’s just...hard to explain. The way Carlisle explained it to me once is that your gift is a part of you, at the end of the day. When you walk, are you actively telling your legs to move? Or when you type or write, are you telling your hands and fingers to do it, consciously?”

Bella shook her head.

“I guess not,” she sighed. “So it’s like...learning to wiggle your ears, I guess. You’re trying to find a muscle you’ve never moved before.”

Alice nodded.

“That would be my theory of how you’d go about finding it, yes. I don’t really know the differences between a human trying to use a gift and a vampire, since if one of us has a gift it will simply...happen naturally. But, according to Carlisle, while it will be more difficult for you to do so, the mechanics of it should function the same way.”

Bella was about to respond when something caught her eye across the parking lot, and she moved to get a better look craning her neck.

“What is it? Is Rosalie here?” Alice asked, looking around in the same direction.

Bella shook her head.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t Rosalie.

“No, I just…” she murmured, settling back down. “I thought someone was...waving at me. But it was way off in the distance and they were all like, shadowed, so I couldn’t...couldn’t make them out,” she continued to mumble.

“Huh. I don’t see anyone,” Alice commented. “They must have left.”

“Yeah. Must have…” Bella said quietly. “That or I’m just going nuts.”

“Well you’re in good company then. Did I ever tell you I woke up in an abandoned asylum?” Alice asked conversationally.

That completely knocked Bella’s train of thought off course as she turned to face Alice, a stunned look on her face.

“I...what?” she asked.

“Yup! I mean, it wasn’t all the way abandoned, there were still inmates there. But the doctors had left. Or, um, at the very least they were no longer there,” Alice said, frowning. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“...sure?” Bella said.

Alice looked quite serious all of a sudden, and Bella found herself a bit nervous.

“Sometimes I wonder if I killed them all,” Alice said quietly, holding her hands out and looking at her nails. “The doctors, I mean. I woke up there with no memory, and very much not human, and the only people around me were inmates. And I was wearing the same clothes as them.”

Bella was quiet.

“What do you think?” Alice asked, looking seriously at Bella. “What would you think of me, if I had?”

Bella blinked a few times before slowly answering.

“I mean...there’s a reason horror games use old asylums as settings all the time. They weren’t exactly happy places,” she said carefully. “And, I mean, if I went through some of the stuff I’ve read about what they did to people in those places, and I woke up one day with uh, well, superpowers...I probably would be pretty damn tempted to kill the people who did that to me.”

Alice observed Bella for a few moments before a small smile broke onto her face.

“I think I agree with you,” she said quietly before hopping to her feet. “I smell my sister. Let’s get you home!”

“Uh. Okay,” Bella said, feeling like she had just been slapped in the face with conversational tonal whiplash. “Are you...are you good?” she asked as she slowly stood up.

Alice bit her lower lip and nodded.

“I think so,” she said carefully, looking a bit guarded and unsure of herself. “I’m sorry if that was abrupt. Sometimes I forget that this friendship is much older for me than it is for you, so my comfort and desire to share with you must be...unnerving. I’m sorry.”

When Alice spoke, her voice sounded so...sad and forlorn that Bella couldn’t hold herself back, and she pulled Alice into a very tight hug.

“ Hey,” she whispered, patting the back of Alice’s head. “Don’t talk like that. You can tell me anything you want, okay? I like to think nothing can surprise me after this past week, and...I don’t mind that you feel comfortable, or that I feel, um, familiar to you.”

“You don’t?” Alice asked, her voice muffled from Bella’s shoulder. She sounded small, and her shoulders were tense.

“I won’t lie to you, it is weird,” Bella chuckled. “But weird doesn’t necessarily mean bad, and this whole week has been nothing but weird. And I like to think I’m doing alright so far, yeah?”

Alice chuckled weakly.

“Emmett thinks you must be short a few marbles with how well you’ve been taking it, actually,” she whispered. “He was convinced you were going to run screaming off into the hills when you woke up, after you figured it out and um, fainted.”

“Well then you and I can be short a few marbles together, how’s that sound?” Bella asked, gently pressing her lips to the top of Alice’s head.

“Do you think if we put all our marbles together we might come up with one sane person?” Alice asked curiously, her shoulders relaxing as she leaned against Bella.

“No,” Bella laughed. “I think we would just end up with a much larger pile of crazy marbles.”

Alice giggled and pulled away as Rosalie approached in the distance. They walked over to meet her at her car, and Bella asked the sisters a question that popped into her head.

“Isn’t Charlie going to think it’s a bit weird that I’m suddenly not driving myself to school?” she asked, frowning.

“I’m kidnapping your behemoth,” Rosalie said dryly. “Alice checked. He buys it, and I can keep it in our garage to work on it for a while. Hopefully he doesn’t get suspicious before the situation is resolved.”

Bella slightly narrowed her eyes as Alice nodded in confirmation.

“Are you actually going to work on it or are you going to push it off a cliff?” Bella asked, matching Rosalie’s dry tone.

“Tempting, and I did consider merely putting it out of its misery, but no,” Rosalie snarked back. “Esme told me I can’t.”

“Oh well thank god for Esme protecting my franken-truck,” Bella drawled lightly, rolling her eyes. “I’ll have to thank her later for saving it from the scary blonde mechanic.”

“I’d be doing you a favor but if you absolutely insist on keeping it I’ll at least make sure you aren’t committing felony car abuse by driving it,” Rosalie snorted.

Alice was looking back and forth between them with a half-grin on her face, looking torn between amusement and mild concern.

“ Are you two arguing or flirting?” she blurted out after a moment before clapping her hand over her mouth. Rosalie whirled on her with a scowl and a quiet hiss as Bella groaned and put her face in her hands.

Alice took a step back.

“I’m sorry!” she squeaked from behind her hand. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud!”

“Alice…” Bella sighed.

“I just couldn’t tell what was happening and I was worried that you were going to start sniping at each other again and – “ Alice started to babble.

“Alice!” Bella snapped.

Alice shut up. Rosalie looked at Bella, still scowling, but raised an eyebrow in slight surprise.

“You should probably just cut your losses and walk away before you inevitably turn me into an actual tomato-person,” Bella groaned, rubbing her eyes and trying her best to fight her blush away.

“Okay. Yes. You’re probably right. Sorry again. I didn’t mean to um, embarrass you. Either of you. I’ll just go now,” Alice said, backing away slowly before turning and speed-walking over to where Jasper and Emmett were waiting, wrapping her arms around Jasper and repeatedly slamming her forehead into his chest.

Bella and Rosalie awkwardly stood next to the car for a few moments before Bella pushed a hand through her hair and sighed.

“I’m sorry. About her,” she muttered.

Rosalie blinked.

“You have to teach me how to do that…” she said, glaring at her sister across the parking lot. “She certainly never listens to me when I tell her to be quiet. And don’t mind her, she’s a brat sometimes.”

“She’s great but...yeah, sometimes,” Bella chuckled, sighing again. “Normally I don’t mind her teasing me, but not right in front of you.”

Rosalie paused and opened her mouth for a moment before closing it again. She didn’t ask, but Bella could tell by her face that she wanted to know what she meant. So she explained. Well, part of it.

“I’m gay, as you probably know by now,” she started quietly, and Rosalie nodded. “Alice was the first one to figure it out because uh...because she caught me looking at you. You’re...you’re very pretty,” she admitted, rubbing the back of her head and awkwardly shuffling her feet. “And she hasn’t stopped teasing me about it since.”

As Rosalie continued to stare silently at her, Bella wished quite deeply for the universe to just take pity on her and swallow her whole. Just open up a big ol’ bottomless pit right underneath her feet and sentence her to an eternity of falling to her doom. It would be more preferable than this situation she was in right now.

Eventually Rosalie just quietly opened the passenger door and Bella crawled in, buckling her seatbelt and squirming in her seat as she tried to fight the flood of embarrassment and slight shame. She probably just ruined everything. Rosalie would never be her friend now, Alice just had to go and blab and then Bella had to open her own big mouth and ruin it –

“Thank you,” Rosalie mumbled as she sat down in the driver seat. “I’m not…”

Rosalie sat back in her seat and stared straight out the front windshield, not looking at Bella.

“If you were a man I’d be angry,” she said plainly. “I’m not...unaware that I’m attractive. I certainly get more than enough high-school boys drooling over me, which is frankly disgusting,” she grumbled, tucking a bit of loose hair behind her ear.

Bella quietly gulped at the small action and found herself unwillingly recalling Rosalie’s hand cradling the side of her face in the woods, causing her face to burn even harder.

“ But...you’re not, so…” Rosalie said quietly. “It’s alright. And I don’t have anything against gay people, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Alice said most of you were cool with it so that’s not really what I’m worried about,” Bella sighed. “I’m a bit upset, but mostly because...you’re finally starting to actually talk to me and it turns out I actually kinda like talking to you, and now it’s gonna be super awkward. If you’ve changed your mind about, um, what we agreed on I get it and it’s fine, I can just...I can have Alice do it, or something.”

Rosalie’s jaw twitched as she grit her teeth together and clenched her fist briefly in her lap.

Bella was half-worried she was going to snap, but when she did speak her voice was soft.

“It doesn’t have to be awkward,” she said quietly, still not looking at Bella. “You thought I was pretty when you first saw me and Alice teased you about it, because she’s a brat. Nothing to be awkward about. And I’m not changing my mind.”

She said the last part firmly and with no room for argument, so Bella could only nod.

She also felt slightly guilty about underselling her feelings slightly, it was, at this point, quite a bit deeper than ‘You thought I was pretty when you first saw me’, but she was both far too terrified and too flustered to find the words to elaborate on that point.

Besides. It wasn’t like anything was actually going to come from it. This was Rosalie’s version of letting her down easy, or at least, that’s how Bella framed it in her mind. So she took a deep breath and nodded.

But then Rosalie reached out and gently rested her fingertips on Bella’s knee. She still wasn’t looking at her, but the contact made Bella bite the inside of her cheek to avoid gasping. Even through her jeans, she swore she could feel the coolness of Rosalie’s skin.

“Let’s get you home,” Rosalie murmured before pulling her hand away.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck , was all Bella could think as they drove towards her house. Repeatedly. Over and over again.

~~~

“Charlie will be home in about an hour, usually,” Bella said as she let Rosalie in through the front door. “So we’ve got some time to kill.”

Rosalie nodded and looked around.

“I’m going to take a look around. I won’t snoop, but I want to know the layout of the house. Entry points and such.”

Bella gave her a short tour before Rosalie darted away, doing her own high-speed inspection of the house. When she was done she found Bella sitting on the couch in the living room. Rosalie pulled a stool from the kitchen over and sat on it across the living room, and Bella pondered on how strange it felt to have Rosalie in her house .

“Thankfully the upstairs doesn’t have too many other windows,” she said after she sat down. “Just in your fathers room and one in the hallway, which shouldn’t be a problem if I’m with you at night.”

Bella nodded.

Rosalie had brought a small bag with her and she dug a book out of it, opening it up and beginning to read. Feeling awkward and unsure of what to do with herself, Bella flicked on the TV and went through the channels until she came across some Law & Order reruns, which would suffice for background noise until Charlie got home.

When he did arrive home he called out for Bella, announcing that he was home.

“Who’s car is that in the drive, Bells?” he asked, walking into the living room towards the sound of the TV. When he entered he paused and looked at Rosalie with surprise on his face.

Rosalie quickly closed her book and stood up, walking over to him and holding a hand out with a pleasant smile on her face.

Bella felt her heart sink.

It was n’t the first time she was seeing Rosalie with a smile on her face, but everything before it was small and fleeting. But this smile was big, and bright... and it was utterly and completely fake. It was a little too wide, it showed too many teeth and her eyes were dull and lifeless. A plastic smile meant only to disarm and distract, and Bella almost wished she had simply glared at Charlie instead. At least it would have been authentic.

Instead, it only made her heart hurt as Charlie shook her hand.

“Charlie, this is Rosalie. She’s Alice’s sister,” Bella said. “Rosalie, this is my dad.”

“It’s lovely to meet you Mr. Swan, I’m Rosalie Hale,” Rosalie said sweetly, her voice cloying and smooth on the surface. But Bella could hear the notes of strain and discord beneath it, and she resisted the urge to cringe.

“Please, just call me Charlie,” came the reply as Charlie grinned. “Hale is it? I thought you’re one of Doctor Cullens kids?”

“Yes sir,” Rosalie said with a small nod. “Myself and my brother kept our surname when he adopted us, to honor our birth parents.”

“ Huh. Well, any friend of Bella’s is always welcome in my home so feel free to make yourself comfortable. Are you staying for dinner?” Charlie asked, looking happy at the fact that Bella had brought home yet another friend.

“Unfortunately not, my family is on a special diet that we cannot deviate from,” Rosalie said apologetically.

“She’s actually here because she had some questions for you, Charlie,” Bella coughed.

“For me?” Charlie asked, looking surprised.

Bella nodded.

“She’s interested in the wildlife cameras. I told her about them and she’s thinking of getting some for herself, and was curious about your setup. I don’t really know much about it so I told her she’s better off asking you.”

When Charlie looked at Rosalie with the question on his face, she nodded.

“Well alright, I suppose I can show you what I’ve got set up. I originally got them to see what exactly was getting into my garbage bin s, so that’s where the first set is, but I actually liked watching the animals in the morning. Nice way to start the day, so I got another set and arranged them differently…”

Charlie continued to talk as he led Rosalie outside, and Bella went up to her room and opened the window. After a moment she could hear them continue to speak, and she dragged a chair over to the window and sat down with her arms on the windowsill, her chin propped up on them as she looked into the yard.

Rosalie and Charlie came into view a few moments later with Charlie pointing out all the cameras, and Rosalie asking questions about them. At one moment, she looked up at Bella in the window.

Bella smiled reflexively at Rosalie’s gaze and raised a hand, wiggling her fingers a little in a small wave. Rosalie raised an eyebrow in a bemused scoff, but Bella could have sworn she saw her mouth twitch into a tiny smile for a fraction of a second.

Eventually the two came back into the house and Charlie showed Rosalie the feeds from the previous night, and happily introduced several of the regular animals that would show up, including the raccoon that would get into the neighbors bins and then bring his spoils over to Charlie’s yard.

“Bella insisted on calling him Jimothy,” Charlie chuckled. “He broke into my bins first and when I started locking them up he went over to the neighbors, but he still brings whatever he gets over here and eats in the same spot.”

They exchanged a bit more small talk before Rosalie came up the stairs and knocked on Bella’s door. She opened it and Rosalie stepped inside, closing the door behind her and keeping her back turned to Bella for a moment.

Her shoulders relaxed slightly before she turned around and gave Bella a nod, moving over to her window and looking out of it.

“There’s an angle where I can do it. Jump in, that is, but you have to make sure the window is open and I have clearance. Just to be on the safe side, don’t be near the foot of your bed when I do it.”

Bella couldn’t help it, and at the thought of Rosalie literally jumping through her window, she laughed. Rosalie rolled her eyes and looked around the room. She moved the chair Bella had been sitting in to just next to the window and sat down, pulling the book out of her bag and setting it in her lap.

“Would this work for you?” Rosalie asked. “I can just sit and read while you sleep, and I’d leave when Alice comes to pick you up for school.”

“Uhm, yeah,” Bella said, coughing down her laughter. “That should be fine. Will you be able to see the words though?”

Rosalie shrugged.

“It might be a bit of eyestrain on the cloudier nights but vampire sight is very suited to the dark. A lamp would be preferable, but I don’t want to keep you awake.”

Bella frowned, but Rosalie didn’t seem to want to continue the conversation.

“You have homework to do, yes?” Rosalie asked as she opened her book and began to read.

Bella debated trying to push for a bit more conversation for a few moments before nodding and settling onto her bed, spreading books and papers over it as she worked. Eventually it was time for her to cook dinner and Rosalie said goodbye to her father, and drove away. Emmett was just down the road waiting to take Rosalie’s car the rest of the way back to the house, and Bella knew in a few moments Rosalie would be back up in her bedroom waiting for her.

She made dinner and small talk with Charlie, where he expressed his pride in Bella making new friends. Bella, knowing that Rosalie could hear every word they said, was very careful in her words to not give too much away. They ate, and Charlie settled in the living room to watch TV for a few hours before going to bed, as was his usual routine unless he got called into work.

Ascending the stairs, Bella’s heart was in her throat, and when she tentatively opened the bedroom door she half-expected to find it empty, or to find Alice instead of her sister.

So when she saw Rosalie sitting in the same chair, only with a different book, she couldn’t help the sigh of relief as she closed the door behind her.

Rosalie looked up at her and tilted her head slightly to the side, raising an eyebrow.

“What was that ?” she asked. Bella was surprised to hear a small note of...teasing, behind the usual hard edges.

“I half-expected Alice to be there instead,” Bella confessed with a shrug, speaking quietly so Charlie wouldn’t have a chance of overhearing.

Rosalie scoffed lightly.

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” she said quietly. “I told you I would be here. So here I am. If I ever cannot or do not want to be here, you will know ahead of time so you know what to expect.”

Bella was quiet for a moment before replying.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, moving to her bed and clearing up the mess from her homework. Feeling awkward afterwards she just laid back and stared at the ceiling, putting in one earbud to listen to music as her mind worked.

She tried to ignore Rosalie, to just pretend that she was alone. And as the sun went down and the only thing illuminating her companion were the scant few beams of moonlight coming in through the window and the occasional soft glow of the motion-activated lights drifting through, her ability to pretend was tested until she eventually just gave up.

Bella found herself observing Rosalie in a new light, literally. She had sat nearly perfectly still for the last few hours, only moving to turn the page of her book. Her face was mostly neutral except for a gentle furrowing of her brow in concentration, and the flickering of her eyes as they ran across the pages.

Her skin practically shone in the moonlight. It gave her an ethereal quality, and for half a second Bella was convinced that she might actually be hardcore crushing on an actual goddess of some kind.

“You think very loudly,” Rosalie murmured after a moment, not looking up from her book.

“Sorry,” Bella whispered.

“Sleep, Bella. You’ve been through much in the past few days, and you will not come to harm here the same way you would not come to harm in our house. So sleep,” Rosalie said, her voice so quiet that Bella had to strain her ears and pause her music to hear it.

“...will you be here? When I wake up?” Bella whispered back after a few moments.

Rosalie looked up at her then and met her eyes. Bella felt her cheeks warm slightly and hoped it wasn’t bright enough for Rosalie to see it, but she didn’t look away. Slowly, Rosalie nodded.

“I will. If you fall asleep with me here, I will be here when you wake,” she said.

“Promise?” Bella asked, feeling a bit like a child. But it was late and she was tired, and feeling particularly vulnerable at the moment for some reason.

Rosalie let out a soft huff of amused air through her nose and the corner of her mouth twitched slightly. But she nodded before relaxing back into her chair and returning her attention to her book.

“I promise,” she murmured. “Now sleep.”

“Okay,” Bella sighed.

She brushed her teeth and changed into her pajamas in the bathroom before crawling back into bed, pulling the blankets over herself. Normally she slept on her side facing the window, but she didn’t think she’d be getting much sleep if her alternative was to stare at a moonlit Rosalie Hale all night, so she kept her back turned and closed her eyes, trying to will herself to sleep.

~~~

It came surprisingly easy, and as she drifted away she felt a familiar presence in her mind’s eye. As her mind prepared to set a course on one river of dreams, Bella felt herself diverted by an outside force and she quickly found herself in an unfamiliar dreamscape downriver.

The dream began with Bella somewhere outside.

There were no colors. It was all gray, like an old black-and-white film.

She looked around and saw that she was in a field of some sort, with rolling hills and grass beneath her feet. Off in the distance was a large tree, with a figure standing underneath it, their hands clasped behind their back.

Bella approached.

It felt like it took ten seconds and ten years simultaneously for her feet to cross the distance, and in a decade-long blink she was under the tree as well. The figure was draped in shadows, and was now leaning against the tree.

Before Bella could open her mouth and ask any of the myriad of questions that came to her tongue, she felt a slight throb in her head as unconscious memories made themselves known.

She remembered the strange ethereal cabin, and the woman made of shadows, and she knew that was who stood in front of her now. It took her only a few moments of adjusting before she turned to the figure and crossed her arms.

“Can you answer my questions now?” she said plainly.

The shadow woman smiled.

“Hello to you too Little Bird,” she said pleasantly. “I was hoping you would remember if I took you into another dream.”

“Whoopee. You were correct. Answers now? Or are we on another time limit?” Bella asked dryly.

“We are on as much of a time limit as any dream,” the shadow said enigmatically.

“Are you here to jerk me around some more or are you actually going to tell me what the hell is going on now?” Bella asked, starting to really get annoyed with this whole thing. It was bad enough that she couldn’t remember or think about this when she was awake, but now this...person insisted on messing with her dreams too.

“It’s funny,” the woman said quietly. “You say the same thing every time. In all the iterations, our first time speaking again after you let me in you always ask me the same question, in the same manner. It’s one of the few things that is always the same.”

“Glad to know I’m consistent,” Bella snarked. Then she paused. “Iterations? How many times have you done this? So this is some kind of Groundhog Day situation? Are you actually some kind of time traveler?”

The woman chuckled.

“I don’t fly through space and time in a blue box if that’s what you’re asking,” she said smoothly. “But I suppose you could call this some form of time travel, yes. It’s why I have to be very careful with what I tell you, and, more importantly, when .”

“You’re really annoying,” Bella grumbled. “I just want to know what’s going on and why everyone is in danger. You know when this happens in movies it’s really fucking irritating right? Just say what’s going on and save everyone the trouble!”

The woman sighed and gave Bella a wry smile.

“I did. The first few iterations, I spilled the beans entirely from the start. Do you know what happened?” she asked.

Bella shook her head.

“I’m guessing since you’re here, nothing good,” she grumbled.

“Gold star,” the woman cooed, a slight mocking and teasing in her tone. “I can explain it, if you’d like. I can’t tell you anything about who I am or the exact nature of the danger, yet, but I can tell you why I can’t.”

“Sure. Why not,” Bella sighed, sitting down and leaning back on her hands, staring off into the gray grass fields.

The woman was quiet for a moment as she began to pace in a slight circle. Eventually she paused and turned towards Bella, and began to speak.

“To borrow a term and make another shameless reference, people tend to think of time as a linear progression of cause to effect. It isn’t. Not in the strictest sense at the very least,” she began. “Time is anything but a straight line, and if anything it’s more like a….web. An extra-dimensional web that breaks the laws of reality and wraps in and around itself. An irreverent, self-referential, incestuous web of possibility and choice, making and unmaking.”

“Ooookay,” Bella said slowly.

“But there are some points in the web where too many threads converge for them to properly change,” she continued. “These are the fixed points in time. Events that must happen through the sheer nature of too many decisions converging on them, and it’s practically impossible to stop them. Like a hydra, if you cut off one set of decisions that lead to a fixed point, two more heads grow in its place. The event that is coming is one of these fixed points. It is going to happen.”

Bella nodded. She was listening so far, even if a small part of her thought this shadow...spirit...person was nuts .

“But time does not want to be fixed. Are you familiar with the butterfly effect?” the woman asked abruptly.

Bella shrugged.

“I guess. A butterfly flaps its wings in Wyoming and causes a hurricane in Japan, right?”

The woman grimaced.

“A gross oversimplification but yes. Normally, what you call the butterfly effect is minor at best. Decisions and the consequences thereof are so...myriad and branching, that it’s very difficult to draw a throughline between two events that aren’t directly related without it ultimately being contrived. So decisions are usually limited in the kind of reach their consequences will have, proportional to the decision itself. There isn’t a world in which you choosing between eggs and toast for breakfast is going to result in World War Three if you choose eggs, for example.”

Bella nodded again.

“But again, time does not want to be fixed. Nothing can remain permanent and unchanging forever, because entropy will always win eventually. S o, a fixed point in time disagrees with the fundamental nature of it all. It doesn’t make the universe explode because there’s, theoretically, a possibility that the fixed point can be avoided but it’s only theoretical. Practically, it’s fixed. So in order to compensate, the entropy needs to balance the scales. This means that in the space around the fixed point, the so-called butterfly effect is amplified to its stereotypical ideal. While your decisions ultimately cannot change the event itself, many things surrounding the event can change drastically from very small choices.”

“And I’m...important to that, somehow?” Bella asked, frowning.

“If anything you’re caught dead center in it all,” the woman sighed. “That’s why I’m here. The choices you, and the people around you, will make have the potential to mitigate the worst of the damage, to save a lot of lives . Which means I have to be very careful in how I guide you. I know what doesn’t work, but I can’t just come out and tell you.”

“Why not?” Bella asked.

“Because of the concept of self-fulfilling prophecy,” the woman said patiently.

Bella thought about it for a moment before the woman began to elaborate.

“If the decisions you make come too much from what I tell you, rather than your own choices, you create a doomed loop. In order for you to make those decisions, I need to exist, which means this timeline will become doomed in order to create the circumstances in which I exist. The trick is for us to straddle the fine line between me giving you just enough to guide you on a different path from where I come from, but enough of your decisions still ultimately come from you that I don’t necessarily need to exist to lead you to them. Follow me so far?”

“So...right now, you don’t necessarily need to exist...so the timeline isn’t doomed yet?” Bella said slowly.

The woman nodded, smiling.

“Got it in one. There’s a lot of fuzz when it comes to time on what strictly needs to happen to create a certain event. Like how a fixed point will ultimately happen because too many decisions lead to the same outcome, but on a slightly less extreme level. There’s a blurred area where time accepts that you could have arrived at this point without me, so I’m not strictly necessary in order for it to happen. Therefore I can simply...fade away.”

Bella blinked.

“You make time sound sentient,” she said slowly.

The woman shrugged.

“Send an echo of yourself back along the threads of fate enough times and you start to think of the unknowable, untameable forces of entropy and reality as old friends,” she said quietly, sounding far away and hollow.

The words hit Bella in the stomach like a brick and she let out a long breath, for the first time getting a real sense of the stakes the shadow woman had been speaking of.

“Is that what you are? An echo?” Bella whispered.

The shadow shrugged.

“Physically sending yourself through time is still, as far as I’m aware, impossible,” she said. “Believe me. I tried. The best me and...my people could come up with was this, and it was a delicate and dangerous process. Every time the loop ends in failure, you...help send me back again, with a whole new set of memories and experiences to try again. And again. And again.”

“Why me?” Bella asked. “ Why choose me to...echo back to?”

“ Primarily because you, and by extension the Cullens, are inevitably tangled in the events to come, and your decisions have the highest chance to change things for the better. But also because of your...gift ,” the shadow said hesitantly. “I heard you asking Alice about it earlier. That’s good. You should keep pursuing it. You’ll need it dearly.”

“Is it that important?” Bella asked, doubtful. “The Cullens said I’m just a shield.”

“Mm,” the woman...Echo, Bella decided to call her. It was weird to just keep calling her ‘shadow lady’, so her name in Bella’s mind would now be Echo. “Your gift... can function as a shield, and in its...default...orientation, I suppose that’s it’s most common function.”

“ Am I to assume that when you’re very evasive with your words that it’s a doomed timeline situation?” Bella sighed.

Echo wobbled her hand a little.

“Sort of. It’s also something a bit unique to gifts and abilities. If you don’t find it yourself, your control will always be a bit less ideal than it would be if you had found it on your own. I can try to nudge you a little in the right direction, and once you’ve found it I can direct you a bit more, but you ultimately have to find it yourself.”

Bella nodded and thought for a few moments.

“Who...who were you, to me?” she asked quietly. “Before, you told me...you told me that thing about um, about her , and you seem to know how my gift works...is it just because you’ve spent a lot of loops in my head?”

Echo smiled softly.

“We were close, you could say,” she said quietly. “If you’re asking if I was a stranger to you in my initial life and only got to know you through the loops, the answer is no.”

Bella nodded. That was the sort of answer she had been expecting, and so she was satisfied with it.

Then another question popped into her mind, and if she were awake right now she knew she’d be blushing fiercely.

“Do you...I mean...can you like, um, see everything I do? And like, do you know everything going on in my head?” she asked, covering her face with her hands.

“No,” Echo answered quickly. “I wouldn’t invade your privacy like that without permission. I am going to hear many of the things you say out loud unless I’m very far and you’re very quiet , and if you think...in my direction, I suppose, I’ll hear that. But your thoughts and feelings will always and forever remain your own unless you decide to speak them to me. And I don’t see out of your eyes. Think of me more like…”

Echo waved her hand and a ring of shadow appeared around the two of them, off in the distance. It was about fifty feet away by Bella’s guess.

“My echo currently resides in your subconscious. Your conscious mind, and your gift, are still too hostile to my presence for me to be able to speak to you in waking. That’s why I’m capable of pulling you into a dream to speak. But I can project myself outside of your mind within this distance, and as a rule that’s what I’ve been doing for the most part. I can only see within this space, and when your conscious mind acclimates to me enough, this is where you’ll be able to perceive me.”

Bella sighed in relief. She did not need another person aware of all the embarrassing thoughts that had run through her recently.

“I did my best to keep myself occupied without interfering or listening in. But it was a good thing I was around to warn you the other day, otherwise things might have gotten a bit hairier than they did,” she said firmly, with a hint of amusement at the end.

Bella blinked.

“That was you!? You...you told me to turn around,” Bella sighed, remembering the panic attack in the woods more clearly.

“You’re welcome,” Echo laughed. “I did tell you the rest of the Cullens would come around eventually, didn’t I?”

“I still don’t know what’s going on with her,” Bella sighed, thinking of Rosalie. “She’s watching me sleep right now, isn’t she?”

“Do you want to see?” Echo asked, tilting her head to the side. “I can take this version of you with me in a projection. You can see what’s happening in your room.”

Bella thought about it, but shook her head.

“No,” she said quietly. “It doesn’t...feel right. It’d feel like I’m spying on her.”

Echo nodded with a small smile.

“So,” Bella said, changing the subject. “If you’re here to avert catastrophe but you can’t tell me what the catastrophe is, what can you tell me?”

The smile faded from Echo’s mouth as she turned more serious, her lips thinning into a tight line.

“Not much. Not now,” she said. “It’s still much too early. I’ve never been here with you so young, either, so this is very new territory for me. I’d gotten a bit of a system down before, knowing certain pieces of knowledge I could safely tell you at certain points and things could still diverge and change, but now...now everything’s uncertain.”

Bella frowned.

“How….young am I usually? When we uh, meet?” she asked awkwardly. It was almost lucky that she’d been through so many strange conversations in the past seventy-two hours, because she was well and truly immunized to them at this point.

“The youngest I’d met you was twenty-three,” Echo mused, stroking her chin. “You met the Cullens during your last year in college, which is when my window of entry is. Until your mind is consciously aware, even through some levels of denial, of the supernatural, you reject all attempts for me to contact you.”

“ I went to college?” Bella asked, eyes wide.

“Of course you did,” Echo scoffed. “You’re working hard to not repeat another year of high school, right? You think you’d just go through all that effort to not go?”

Bella blinked. That made sense. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to go to college, she was just...surprised it actually happened.

“So I get...I get better?” she asked quietly.

Echo didn’t reply at first, but carefully reached a hand out and touched Bella’s knee. Again there was that odd sensation of physical contact without the actual pressure, and Bella felt herself shiver lightly.

“I think…” she said carefully. “You know as well as I do that recovery is not linear. Getting better isn’t about some...arbitrary standard you set for yourself. It’s about getting out of bed every morning and trying again, and again. Sometimes you do a little better. Sometimes a little worse . So...if by ‘get better’ you mean you don’t stop trying, then, yes. You get better.”

Bella nodded after a moment.

She could accept that.

A soft sigh of relief escaped her and she felt her body relax slightly as a weight she didn’t know she was carrying was lifted off her shoulders.

Then another question came to her tongue, and she asked it.

“How come things are different each time? Wouldn’t you keep sending your echo back to the same point each time to try and change things?”

Echo laughed.

“I tried that too! Doesn’t work. Like I said, time is an incestuous, self-referential web that doesn’t follow the rules. While you meeting the Cullens is fairly set in stone, the manner and time in which you meet them is completely variable. I think the cutoff is by the time you’re twenty-eight. Too many decisions can change how and when you meet them for it to be the same in each version of time, and when I send the echo back I don’t get to choose which thread of fate it chooses to settle on.”

“But you can send it back to me specifically,” Bella said with a frown.

“A version of you, yes. I don’t have the time or the textbooks to explain the theory to you but your soul is spliced across each thread . No version is guaranteed, nor is one version more or less equal than another, but they are all you .”

Bella rolled that over in her head before asking one more, final question.

“So...if there’s different versions of everyone, and they’re all equally real...why does coming back in time matter? If the timeline you left is still just as valid as this one or another one, why does changing things matter?” Bella asked quietly.

Echo gave a sad smile.

“That’s another question you always ask,” Echo whispered. “And I always answer it the same way.”

“...which is?” Bella asked.

“Because no version is guaranteed,” Echo whispered. “There is no guarantee that there is a timeline in which I...in which things...work out. So I have to know. I have to make sure. Even if the place I come from is doomed, I cannot persist in the knowledge that it is the only option. So I have to try to make sure that among every doomed thread, every loss and shame and shattered soul, that at least one single thread of fate exists where...where things, ultimately, are...okay. Just...okay.”

“What if there isn’t one?” Bella asked quietly.

“Not an option,” Echo said with a small shake of her head. “I can’t let myself think like that. Because the moment I start thinking that is the moment I start thinking about giving up, and I will never do that. A thread has to exist, because it must. And whether I need to do a hundred, or a thousand, or a million iterations or more, I will find it.”

The ironclad conviction and devotion in Echo’s words swayed Bella’s soul, and she felt...invigorated. She could feel the truth in those words, and she wondered what would have to happen to her to create that sort of dedication in herself.

“You...did you lose someone?” Bella asked hesitantly.

Echo stood up abruptly and turned around, sighing and wrapping her arms around herself gingerly.

“Question time is over,” she said shortly, shaking her head. “You may remember this conversation. You might not. If you do, you’ll remember it only in vagueries and mist until your conscious mind stops fighting me and allows you to remember. I’ll speak to you again soon.”

“Wait, I’m sorry – “ Bella started, scrambling to her feet. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You don’t have to tell me.”

Echo simply stood silently for several long moments before replying, her voice shaky and slightly broken up, as if it were coming through static.

“I have lost more than you can ever know, Little Bird. Hope, and pray, that you never comprehend the sheer depth of my loss. Now wake. I will speak to you again soon. Remember your gift. Find it. Train it. You will need it.”

Once again the world around Bella seemed to bleed and fall away, except this time instead of Echo being the only thing who remained until the last moment, she seemed to be the first thing to fade. The last thing Bella saw before the ground gave out beneath her and she fell into waking was Echo’s face, tilted up and looking into the sky.

And even though Bella could not see her eyes, she could see the shining tracks of tears on shadowed cheeks.

~~~

“You talk in your sleep,” was the first thing Rosalie said to her when she woke up.

She woke with a slight start, and Rosalie observed her as she got her bearings. She felt a slight flutter in her chest when she saw that Rosalie had kept her promise and stayed, and breathed out a sigh of relief.

Her head was swimming a little bit, and her eyes stung slightly. She brought her fingers to her face and felt the lingering remnants of tears.

Rosalie frowned.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I...I don’t know,” Bella said quietly. “Must have been a really weird dream….”

“I see,” Rosalie said, standing up. “Do you...want to talk about it?”

Bella shook her head.

“Even if I wanted to I...I can’t remember it. I remember...I think I was talking to someone, and they said something that…”

She trailed off and rubbed her eyes, sitting up and running a hand through her hair.

“I talk in my sleep?” she asked, turning to Rosalie.

“Well. You mumble,” Rosalie said, straightening her clothes out and tucking her book into her bag. “I couldn’t make out the actual words. Not that I was trying. I was focusing on my book.”

“What are you reading?” Bella asked.

Rosalie paused for a moment before pulling the book back out and showing her.

“...Game of Thrones? Really?” Bella asked, laughing softly. “I never would have guessed.”

Rosalie shrugged.

“I like Arya.”

Bella smiled.

“That sounds like you,” she said, handing the book back to her. Their eyes met when the book changed hands, and something flickered in Rosalie’s gaze.

She briefly opened her mouth for a moment before seeming to think better of it and closing her lips again, and Bella could see her face and eyes shift back into their stony mask. Rosalie stiffened slightly and put the book away before opening Bella’s window and looking outside.

“It looks like the coast is clear. Alice should be arriving shortly,” she said. “I told Charlie that I would be coming with her this morning to pick up your truck and take it back to the garage to work on it, and that we would be helping you get to and from school. He tried to insist on paying me for the work I want to do on it, but I wouldn’t let him. We have more money than God at this point and I wouldn’t take payment for it anyway, it’s practically charity work.”

Her voice was snarky and full of her usual acid, and Bella sighed internally with a small nod.

“The keys are – “

“I have them already,” Rosalie said quickly. “She’s down the road. I’m going.”

“See you – “ Bella started, raising her hand to wave goodbye. But Rosalie was already gone, and Bella let her hand drop. “See you later Rose,” she finished in a whisper before flopping back on her bed.

A few moments later she heard the doorbell ring, and Charlie opened the door to greet Alice.

“This is gonna be fun ,” Bella muttered to herself as she realized the consequences of her own actions. Having Rosalie around every night was going to be a real test on her own emotions, and she wondered how long she could hold out before something spilled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

All aboard the Plot Train, choo choo! Things are really starting to pick up now. Just because Bella is trying to stop avoiding her internal feelings doesn't mean she's good at *navigating* them and she's really not as subtle as she thinks she's being, but Rosalie is still putting up (ultimately futile) attempts to resist the inevitable. Yet, just like Bella is way less subtle about her feelings than she thinks, Rosalie isn't nearly as good at being aloof and distant as she thinks she's being. In other words they're both being stupid and we'll see how long the facade can last before it literally cannot be denied anymore.

Also, plot! Echo returns and gives Bella (and you, the audience) some much-needed information about some of the mechanics of how all this works, and drops a few more hints as to who Echo really is. We are very close to the end of Act One now with only four chapters left to go and I'm fairly confident that we're on the expected pace, even if I need to lengthen the individual chapters more. I think it's a pretty safe assumption going forward that the chapters will hit at least 10k words in length, which *may* mean more time between updates.

My usual update cadence so far has been an average of about 3 days, because I usually have either already started or I begin to start writing the next chapter as soon as one is posted. But with the lengthening of the chapters in order to keep the pacing in line with my goals, don't be surprised if that cadence extends to 4-6 days between updates, which is still reasonably fast I think!

Love you all. I'm glad you're enjoying this so far, please leave your comments and thoughts. I've noticed quite a few people apologizing for leaving longer or ramblier comments so I'm going to say this in an AN, LONG COMMENTS GIVE ME SO MUCH JUICE TO WRITE WITH YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I don't care if you spend three paragraphs analyzing a piece of prose that you liked, I'll eat that shit up. Not to say that I dislike short comments! I like any comment at all, even if you're just using it as a bonus kudos! All of it is more motivation to get more chapters out faster to you, just knowing that people are enjoying the story :)

Seeya next week sometime~

Next chapter; Bella and Rosalie get closer, both of them do something impulsive and have varying reactions to the other, and Bella has a strong bonding moment with Jasper that will forge an unbreakable friendship for the hardships to come...~

Chapter 13: Mama Said Look Before You Leap, And I'm Glad I'm Looking At You

Summary:

Bella makes significant progress in growing closer with Rosalie, but something shifts about the way they interact as a result of it and Bella isn't quite sure what to make of it. Then, a desperate and unfortunate situation leads to Bella taking an even more vital step forward within herself, and she reveals a piece of herself to one of the Cullens she never thought she'd willingly share...

Bella made it a little over a week before doing something stupid.

As in, did something that came too dangerously close to spilling all sorts of beans about how she felt about Rosalie. And, if she were being honest with herself, beans were spilled. Very much spilled. They were spilled in a way that she was certain must be obvious. She just hoped that she had done a good enough job of acting like no beans had been spilled whatsoever that Rosalie would buy it and move on.

Her week had been fine. Good, even. She was able to put the thoughts of Edward out of her mind except for when Alice would update her every morning that things were still the same. She worked on trying to identify her gift, practicing with Alice and Jasper to try and see if they could read her.

So far she had gotten bupkis, despite Alice trying to reassure her that her visions of Bella were ‘definitely getting, like, zero-point-two-percent less fuzzy so it was totally working and Bella should keep trying!’

An attitude which Bella might have found patronizing and irritating, were it not for Jasper telling her quite plainly that he couldn’t feel a thing from her and that no progress had been made whatsoever. He didn’t say it in a way that made her feel put down or discouraged, but in a soft, prompting way that let her know that whatever she was currently trying wasn’t working.

She asked him about his gift one day during lunch, when he sat with her and Alice outside the school, and if he had felt anything when he was a human.

He scratched the back of his head and thought for a moment.

“Now, take this with a grain of salt,” he said slowly. “Because there’s no proof and hindsight bias is a real thing. But even before I was turned, people always...had a tendency to listen to me. I never thought of myself as particularly charismatic or interesting, but people would always gravitate towards me when I was in a good mood and keep their distance when I was in a bad one.”

“Do you think you were using your gift a little bit even then? Projecting your own emotions outwards without realizing it?” Bella asked.

Jasper shrugged.

“Who’s to say,” he said. “Sure would be nice if that were the case. But I was also a young white man who wasn’t so bad to look at, if I do say so myself. And, well, back when I was human, nice looking white men tended to be listened to as a rule.”

Bella grimaced slightly and nodded.

“I certainly didn’t always have a great idea what others were feeling,” he continued idly. “But it was a long time ago and my memory is vague, and since I could never put myself in someone else’s shoes I couldn’t tell you if I was better or worse at it than the average human, or if what I was feelin’ from others was just my gut the same way everyone takes a guess at how the people around them are doing.”

“I understand,” Bella sighed.

“Sorry I can’t be more helpful,” Jasper said apologetically. Bella shook her head.

“It’s fine. You’re already helping,” she murmured. “How do you use it...now? Is it like Alice where you just sort of think about it and whoosh you can make someone...angry or happy?”

Jasper shook his head slowly.

“Not...really, no. It’s more like...swimming?” he said, frowning. “No, that ain’t right. But it’s close. See, I can’t exactly turn mine on and off like a switch. So everyone else’s feelings are constantly around me like I’m in a big ol’ swimming pool of feelings, and navigating it is a bit like trying to swim with my brain.”

Bella tried to imagine what that was like, but couldn’t really wrap her head around it.

“When I’m trying to make someone else feel something, it’s almost like I’m reaching out to them...’cept, instead of my arm doing it, it’s my gift. But I suppose the way it feels when I lift my arm, and the way it feels when I reach out with my gift, is the same thing. And the way you block me feels the same as if I were to go to touch you but only feel a layer of glass in between.”

“Huh,” Bella said. That was...actually slightly helpful. She experimentally lifted her own arms up and down a few times and tried to register what that actually felt like to tell her arm to go up and down.

But her gift wasn’t reaching out . It was something around her that she would have to...move, or change the shape of it, or…

“Open a door…” Bella mumbled, rubbing her temple. Something felt like it was tickling again.

“What’s that?” Alice asked.

“I’m...some kind of shield, right?” Bella asked slowly.

“From what we can gather yes,” she confirmed, nodding.

“So...Jasper’s gift is like reaching out to someone. Yours is something you ‘see’ inside yourself. What if mine is...something wrapped around me, and if I want to let one of you in, I have to...open a door or a window of some kind,” Bella said hesitantly. She paused afterwards and waited to be told she was crazy before Jasper started nodding slowly.

“That certainly sounds like it makes sense to me,” he said approvingly.

“You should try meditating,” Alice commented. “It’s what helped me and Jasper learn to control our gifts, but we already knew how to...feel them, I suppose. I don’t know if it will help you find it in the first place, but it’s worth trying.”

Bella nodded. She wasn’t unfamiliar with meditation, her therapist had walked her through some exercises involving it for about a month’s worth of sessions before they eventually moved on to something else. It hadn’t been particularly helpful to her then, but she was willing to give it another try.

“Oh, before lunch ends I have a favor to ask,” Bella said, snapping her fingers and pointing at Jasper. He pointed at his own chest. “Yes, from you. I need to go into the city where there is an actual department store.”

“Today?” Jasper asked.

“Ideally?” Bella said, smiling in mild embarrassment. “I uh...well, you know, Christmas is coming up and I have ideas for all of you of course but specifically for, um, Rosalie. And I want to do it sooner rather than waiting for Christmas itself.”

Alice beamed a thousand-watt smile at her and Jasper chuckled, shaking his head.

“Y’know, I never would’ve bet on my sister agreeing to be a nighttime watchdog for anyone, let alone a human, but she’s really taken a shine to you,” Jasper commented.

Bella blushed furiously and Jasper just smiled. He had, apparently, known about Bella’s little crush from day one, since Alice very rarely hid anything from him.

“You, uh, uhm, you r-really think so?” Bella stammered out, tugging at her collar a little bit. “I mean uh, not that like...not that it’s that important, or whatever, I just hope I don’t annoy her or anything and I wanted to do something nice to say ‘thank you’ and stuff and wow oh gosh is it getting hot out here!?”

Alice by now was emitting peals of laughter and nearly fell off the bench she was sitting on, but Jasper took pity on Bella and gave her the answer to the question she both asked and didn’t ask.

“There ain’t a force in the universe that could make Rosalie do somethin’ she didn’t wanna do in the first place,” Jasper said quietly. “Sometimes she ain’t fond of something she’s gotta do, but believe me you if that were the case she’d make it well known. You should’ve heard her for a whole week after Carlisle decided to take the family to Russia one decade instead of Paris, you couldn’t go ten feet near her without hearin’ a good and mighty rant about how much she hates bein’ in Russia. She did it anyway, cus she knew good and well that she was outvoted and that Carlisle had some old friends he hadn’t seen in a few decades he wanted to catch up with, but if she really didn’t want to be there? You betcha she would’ve been on the first plane to Paris without so much as a ‘how do you do’ about it.”

“Do you guys do that sometimes? Go off on your own?” Bella asked, trying to change the subject and force her blush down.

“Occasionally,” Jasper said with a nod. “Usually jus’ for a vacation, is how we call it. One time Rose took a whole half-decade ‘cus she wanted to go to a specific college and get a new degree, but it wasn’t anywhere near where the rest of us wanted to go. So she just went herself. ‘Course, Esme made her call at least once a week and threatened her in all sorts of colorful ways if she forgot, but off she went and five years later she was back home.”

“Jasper and I went to Australia once!” Alice said from the ground, having actually fallen off the bench at some point in her laughter. “We spent a year there. It was very lovely.”

“So…” Bella said hesitantly.

“So if Rosalie didn’t wanna play watchdog, she’d make it good and known,” Jasper said patiently. “I won’t pretend to know her actual thoughts on the matter, ‘cus she certainly hasn’t told me , and I ain’t gonna betray her trust and tell you how she feels about it, but I can tell you that if she didn’t want to, at least a ‘lil bit, she wouldn’t.”

Bella sighed heavily and nodded. That did make her feel a bit better. The past week-and-a-bit’s worth of nights had been a...strain, on her emotions, to put it lightly. The way she and Rosalie would interact with each other was still fraught with awkward moments and tense silences, and Bella couldn’t tell if the frantic see-sawing between cool, acrid distance and surprising moments of warmth and friendliness was all in her head or not.

They would still throw the occasional barb at each other but there was less actual acid in their words now. Bella would almost describe it as playful, if she wasn’t certain that Rosalie would consider ripping her throat out for describing her in that way.

And she wasn’t regretting her decision. Far from it. The past week with Rosalie had her feeling safer than she ever had, and her expected anxiety about Edward creeping on her was nearly fully relegated to the back of her mind.

When Bella wasn’t being stupid and awkward and letting her crush completely drive her brain, and Rosalie let her guard down a little bit, the conversations Bella had with her were some of the most fun she’d ever had just talking to a person.

They talked about books at first.

Rosalie was an avid reader, and told Bella about the struggle of learning how to read again as a vampire. Bella was a bit confused at first and straight up asked her if she would forget how to read upon becoming a vampire, and the strangest thing happened.

For the first time ever, Bella heard Rosalie Hale laugh.

~~~

Earlier in the week

~~~

Normally, Bella would have felt stupid, and ashamed, and slightly upset with herself for asking such a stupid question that was getting her laughed at. But Rosalie’s laugh was so pretty and lilting, like the laugh of a faerie. Not something small and tittering like a pixie, but like a Queen of the Seelie Court. For a brief moment, Bella imagined Rosalie as Queen Titania from Shakespeare and had to immediately start thinking about homework and hard math problems to quell the heat that flared up in her stomach at the thought of it.

Rosalie seemed oblivious to Bella’s internal gay turmoil however as she put her hand in front of her mouth and laughed, her eyes closed as her shoulders shook lightly.

Yeah.

Okay.

Bella would happily be the stupidest, dumbest girl in the world and ask the most obvious and backwards questions possible and gladly be mocked to the end of her days if it would make Rosalie laugh like that again.

“You don’t forget how to read the words silly girl,” Rosalie eventually said, and Bella’s stomach did several somersaults. “But your mind works so much faster, you can process things faster that I could read...ten, twenty times faster than I could as a human. So when I was first...turned, I devoured books at an alarming rate until I realized that...I was reading books just to finish them and move onto the next one, and I wasn’t really absorbing it all or enjoying the actual experience of reading anymore. So I had to train myself to slow down, to savor each word and each paragraph and page as I went.”

Bella was still in the middle of fighting down a blush, but she nodded.

“It’s actually fairly common, from my understanding,” Rosalie continued idly. “To have to re-learn how to do things for the inherent enjoyment of the process, and not just finishing as many arbitrary ‘projects’ as quickly as you can. Humans are sort of forced to, but we have to choose to.”

Rosalie had chuckled lightly, mumbling ‘forgetting how to read entirely, my goodness’, under her breath before going back to her book.

Bella blushed at that before going back to the worksheet she was working on, but Rosalie’s words had given her a lot to think about. She thought about Rosalie sitting by her window trying to read by moonlight, straining a little to read the words on darker nights because she didn’t want to disturb Bella’s rest.

~~~

“So you need to go into the city?” Jasper asked, pulling Bella out of her thoughts.

“Yeah. Is that okay?” she asked.

He nodded and looked at Alice, who had pulled herself up off the ground and was dusting herself off.

“I’ll come!” she confirmed with a happy smile. “I want to see what Bella is getting Rose for Christmas!”

“We’ll go after school then,” Jasper said.

“Thanks,” Bella said with a grateful smile. She told them which store she wanted to go to first and Jasper just dipped his head in a nod of acknowledgment before the subject turned to something else.

After classes for the day were done and the final bell rang, Bella met Jasper and Alice in the parking lot as they told Emmett and Rosalie the plan for the rest of the day. They didn’t mention that Bella was buying gifts, just that she wanted to go into the city. Emmett went back to the house with Rosalie, and Bella bundled into the backseat of the car Jasper was driving.

Alice sat in the passenger seat this time, and Bella soon figured out why.

So far, her only experiences being in a car with a Cullen not named Rosalie was the night Emmett took her to the Cullen house, which she didn’t remember much, and Alice taking her to school in the morning, which was a relatively short and peaceful drive.

But on the drive to Port Angeles, Alice played half-navigator, half ship-captain as she constantly looked into the near future about their drive and would tell Jasper when he needed to slow down or change lanes to avoid someone.

The reason for this was because Jasper drove very fucking fast.

As soon as they pulled off the smaller suburban roads, he practically gunned it, putting the gas pedal to the floor and speeding up so much that Bella yelped a little. Alice just giggled at her and started rattling off to Jasper what she was seeing in her visions, keeping him updated with changes.

Bella gripped her thigh with one hand and the bar above the car window with the other, feeling her stomach lurch as Jasper sped towards the city, slowing down whenever other cars would be coming and slowing down significantly whenever Alice informed him of a cop car up ahead.

They made it to the city quickly, at least, but when Bella stumbled out of the car she grabbed onto Alice’s shoulder, feeling slightly dizzy.

“Okay,” she said after a moment. “I understand you can see the future, and that your vampire senses or whatever the fuck let you do that fairly safely. But do that again and I take no responsibility for potentially puking all over you.”

Alice giggled and patted Bella’s cheek.

“Duly noted. But we’re here!”

“I would certainly hope so after that,” Bella muttered as she started walking.

Both of the siblings proved helpful to Bella as she asked for a bit of assistance in picking exactly the right thing, telling them her idea and what exactly she wanted to accomplish. They gave her suggestions and advice, and Bella thanked them both as she finalized her purchases and bundled them into the car.

It had taken a significant chunk out of her savings, but the look on Rosalie’s face would be (hopefully) worth it.

Alice tried to wheedle Bella into telling them what she was going to get them for Christmas, but Bella refused to spill. They stopped at a few more stores where Bella picked up gifts for Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme, planning to ask Emmett to take her back into the city next week to shop for Alice and Jasper.

When they got back to Bella’s house, Jasper tried to beg off coming in and insisted Alice would be able to help Bella get everything set up.

“Your father won’t be fond of me according to Alice’s visions, and I don’t want to cause problems,” he insisted. Bella crossed her arms and glared at him through the driver’s side window, which he had rolled down to speak with her.

“I don’t give a shit. You’re my friend and if Charlie is going to make snap judgments about you because you look a little intimidating he can suck it. I love him, but he’s not going to dictate anything about who I choose to spend my time with. So, Jasper Hale, you can either get your ass inside my house and help me set up the gift for your sister or I am going to find a way to kick your ass.”

Jasper just looked at her for a few moments with a slightly stunned look on his face before his crooked smile slowly broke across it and he shook his head, unbuckling his seatbelt. Bella stepped back and let him open the door and exit the car, and she smiled at him.

“Better,” she said happily before going to the trunk of the car where Alice was standing and pulling it open.

“Y’know,” Jasper said quietly, his tone a bit hesitant and somber, as he came over and hefted one of the items Bella had purchased onto one shoulder. “You really should be more afraid of me. My control isn’t perfect, and while I don’t ever wish to hurt you, I cannot guarantee you anything.”

Bella just looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Jasper?” she said sweetly.

“...yes?” he asked.

“Shut the fuck up and bring that inside,” she deadpanned, grabbing one of the other objects and going ahead of him. Charlie’s cruiser was in the drive so she knew he was home and the door would be unlocked, so she pushed it open and yelled out. “Charlie! I’m home, I have friends with me bringing some big stuff in. There’s nothing in the way between here and my room right?”

“Wha? Uh, yeah pretty sure it’s clear. What’d you get?” Charlie asked, coming into the front of the house from the living room.

“Just some stuff for my room,” Bella said easily. “I have a question though.”

Charlie was about to answer when Alice and Jasper came in behind Bella, and he frowned slightly upon seeing Jasper. Bella’s eyes hardened.

“Charlie, this is Jasper Hale. Rosalie’s twin brother, and Alice’s adoptive brother,” she said, her voice communicating quite clearly that whatever thoughts were on the tip of Charlie’s tongue, he was to keep them to himself.

He looked at her for a moment before sighing softly and nodding. He didn’t offer to shake Jasper’s hand, but he nodded respectfully at him.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jasper,” he said gruffly. Jasper just nodded back and Charlie turned to Bella. “You had a question?”

“Yeah. How do you find a stud in the wall?”

Charlie blinked, then chuckled a little and shook his head.

“C’mon, I’ll show you. We’ve got a stud-finder around here somewhere but you can do it without one.”

The next hour or so was spent preparing Rosalie’s Christmas gift, although she neglected to mention that to Charlie. During the process she made sure to engage Jasper in conversation, not letting him pretend to be part of the wallpaper. She asked for his help setting everything up and putting things together, and put clearly on display that Jasper was her friend and Charlie needed to realize that Bella wasn’t a little girl anymore, and that he didn’t get to criticize Bella’s friends who just so happened to be men with a few scars showing.

Charlie was somehow able to give Emmett the side eye one time he came with Alice to take Bella home after school, when Emmett ruffled Bella’s hair before he left. So Bella knew to not take him very seriously and that he was just an old-fashioned grump who was behind the times a little.

By the time they were done setting things up it was time for Bella to start cooking dinner. Before she left the room behind the other three, she arranged a sheet over what they had set up and took a piece of paper, writing a little note and taping it on the wall next to the sheet.

It simply read;

Rosalie Hale if you move this sheet before I’m in this room I will subject you to an evening of Mythbusters episodes that all feature the liberal destruction of cars. NO TOUCHING.

She then went downstairs and said goodbye to Alice and Jasper, giving Alice a quick and tight hug before they left. When she was in the middle of making dinner, a chicken parmesan recipe Esme had taught her the last weekend over at the Cullen house, Charlie came into the kitchen looking pensive and slightly sheepish.

“Hey Bella. Smells good,” he said, leaning against the counter.

“Thanks! Sup?” Bella asked as she flipped the chicken, the oil in the pan sizzling as the other side of the flattened, breaded chicken breast began to fry. She started tidying up her egg wash and breading station as she waited, rinsing and scrubbing off things that could be cleaned quickly and leaving the more labor-intensive stuff for another time.

“I just feel like I should apologize,” Charlie said, his voice gruff and awkward. “I won’t beat around the bush, that Hale boy gave me a bad feeling and I was probably going to say something...unkind, if you hadn’t been glaring at me so hard I thought my shirt would catch fire.”

He chuckled a little and fidgeted with his beer bottle.

“I’m not a little girl anymore, Charlie,” Bella said quietly, having paused in her scrubbing for a moment while he spoke. “Jasper’s really nice. Yeah, he’s a bit troubled and he’s had a bit of a rough past but I don’t judge people on who they were , I judge people on who they are.”

“And that’s why you’re a better person than all of us,” Charlie laughed. “I swear the way you were looking at me earlier, you reminded me of my own mother. Made me feel like a ten-year-old boy again who had just gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar.”

Bella smiled at him but didn’t reply, resuming her scrubbing for a few moments before checking on the tomato sauce. Charlie sighed and kept talking after a few minutes of quiet.

“I know you’re not a little kid anymore, but you are still my daughter. So somewhere inside me, I’m always gonna see you as my little girl who I need to protect and keep safe, and there’s nothing you can do about that, yeah? But I shouldn’t have tried to stick my foot in my mouth and make judgments on one of your friends without even knowing them first, and I apologize for that.”

“I appreciate that Charlie,” Bella said, drying her hands off before reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. “Really. I mean, I think you owe Jasp an apology more than me, but I have a feeling both of you would just find that incredibly awkward so I’ll just pass the message on for you.”

Charlie laughed.

“Yes, I think that’d be best,” he chuckled. “We men don’t apologize to each other with words, anyway. I’ll just tell him when he turns twenty one his first beer is on me.”

Bella had to stifle a laugh at that, knowing that Jasper turned twenty-one sometime in the 1800s, but she just nodded and laid out thin slices of mozzarella cheese over the chicken, which was almost done.

“I’ll do that. Dinner’s just about ready by the way, so since you’re in my kitchen do me a favor and get some clean plates for us.”

“Oh it’s your kitchen now is it?” Charlie asked, already moving towards the cabinet with the plates.

“Yep. You weren’t using it so I’ve annexed it for myself now,” Bella said, turning a few dials on the stove to kill the heat on the burners. “You can keep the microwave though.”

“Well thank you for that,” Charlie laughed as he placed two plates on the counter. “What about the coffee maker? I do enjoy coffee in the morning.”

“I have no idea if you’re legally allowed to call what that...relic produces ‘coffee’ but you are more than welcome to it,” Bella snickered, using her fingers to put air quotes around ‘coffee’.

She set up a serving for each of them before following Charlie into the living room and watching TV while they ate. Bella listened to Charlie talk about his coworkers and how everyone was doing, and she answered his questions and gave him updates about how school was working out for her.

Eventually Bella got up and put her dish in the sink, putting away the leftovers and tidying up the remnants of the cooking process. She hummed softly to herself as she cleaned everything up, and when everything was in the drying rack she let out a relieved huff of air and washed her hands before heading upstairs.

Every evening, this was the part she both anticipated and dreaded the most. Ascending the stairs, step by step, knowing Rosalie was waiting for her but still filled to the brim with anxiety and nerves, and a completely unfounded fear that she simply wouldn’t be there tonight.

When she opened her bedroom door and slipped inside, quietly closing it behind her, she was greeted with the sight of Rosalie sitting on her bed. She was sat right in the middle, her legs crossed and a book open in front of her. Her hair fell in curtains around her face, and when she heard Bella enter she reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear to look at her with an exaggerated scowl.

Bella, in a little over a week of evenings spent with her, was starting to pick up quite easily on the difference between a real scowl, and Rosalie’s more playful, exaggerated anger that was more meant to tease than an actual expression of displeasure.

“Why’s my spot all blocked up?” she asked, irritation and annoyance plain in her voice. “And please don’t threaten me with the wanton destruction of cars ever again, or I will gut you.”

“Promises, promises,” Bella teased as she crossed the room, standing next to the sheet with her hands clasped behind her back. “So, I was thinking – “ she started.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Rosalie snorted.

“Rude,” Bella commented, rolling her eyes before continuing as if she weren’t interrupted. “I was thinking about what you said the other night, about reading, and how it was more about the experience now than just finishing the books. And I felt a little bad that you couldn’t have an ideal reading experience at night because of me, having to read in the dark and all.”

Rosalie frowned, the exaggerated scowl fading from her face in favor of a concerned, uneasy expression.

“I told you it’s fine, vampires can see in the dark,” she muttered.

“Yes but you also told me a lamp would be preferable, and you also commented more than once about how uncomfortable my desk chair is for you,” Bella said with a wry smile.

“That chair is horrible and I have no idea how you sit in it without feeling like you are being tortured,” Rosalie grumbled. “I am a vampire and sitting in it makes me uncomfortable. Clearly that makes you some sort of pod person.”

“Uh huh,” Bella laughed.

If she were to tell a single soul, living or otherwise, that Rosalie had a mild pout on her face when Bella now brushed off her jibes and barbs with an easy smile, she had no doubt in her mind that she would wake up one morning with a horse head in her sheets.

So Bella would not say that.

“So, since Christmas is coming up…” Bella said slowly, grabbing the sheet and pulling it away, wrapping it up in her arms. “I decided to...do something nice for you, I guess. Both as a Christmas present, and as a way to say...’thank you’ and ‘sorry’ at the same time, I suppose,” she finished awkwardly, her gut twisting in nerves as she waited for Rosalie to reply.

Sitting in Bella’s bedroom by her window was, instead of her desk chair being dragged over and complained about, a large wooden rocking chair with thick blue cushions on the seat and back. It had a dark cherry wood finish, and Bella had tested it several times to make sure it didn’t squeak when it was moving.

But, mounted on the wall next to the rocking chair, was a lamp. It was specifically advertised as a reading lamp for use at night, and designed to cast light in a small, semi-contained area. It would still light the whole room up a little bit, but the shape of the lamp would keep the majority of the light directed in a small spot.

Bella had also made sure to purchase a light bulb for it that gave off a very warm and soft light, instead a harsh white one. The lamp had dimmer settings on it, and an adjustable arm so Rosalie could set the angle up to her liking.

The chair was parallel to the wall, so it could actually be rocked back and forth without hitting it. The lamp was mounted above the top of the chair, but not too far so as to keep the ability to turn it on and off while sitting down.

Rosalie slowly stood up from Bella’s bed and stared at it.

“You did this...for me?” she asked quietly, reaching out and running a finger over one of the arms of the chair.

“Mhm,” Bella said, not really trusting herself to speak words right now.

Rosalie turned the main light in the room off and closed the curtains, cloaking the room in darkness. She experimentally flicked the lamp on and off a few times, and adjusted it with the dimmer until she was satisfied. Then she took her book and slowly sat down in the chair.

She reached up and adjusted the angle of the lamp, then settled back down. This process was repeated a few times until she was pleased with it, and she began gently rocking the chair back and forth, looking down at her book.

Her face was schooled into a carefully neutral expression, but Bella could see her eyes were caught in a sort of stunned, confused joy.

“Do you um...do you like it?” Bella asked, coughing a little from how dry her throat had gotten from the anticipation and anxiety. Her heart was hammering against her ribcage and while it certainly looked like Rosalie liked it, Bella really wanted to hear it for herself.

“I…” Rosalie said quietly, closing her book and setting it down on the bed. She closed her eyes and rested her elbow on the arm of the chair, her fingertips braced against the side of her head as she leaned slightly to the side. After a moment she continued, her eyes still closed. “Nobody has ever...done something like this, for me. Something this...thoughtful and...considerate.”

Bella felt her heart swell with both affection and a flash of anger that nobody had done something like this for Rosalie before. Well, that couldn’t be allowed to stand. Bella had already resolved after the incident in the woods to stop treating Rosalie with active hostility and stop feeding into whatever complex Rosalie was creating for herself with her general acidity and callousness towards the people around her, but now she decided that she was going to go out of her way to be nice to Rosalie.

Not that she wasn’t already.

She just felt even firmer about it now.

Rosalie got up and moved to stand in front of Bella, opening her eyes and seeming to search Bella’s face. Her lips were still pressed into a thin, neutral frown and the rest of her face was free of any indications on what she was thinking or feeling, but her eyes practically bored into Bella’s as she looked for...something.

Bella fought the urge to swallow and looked back, trying to communicate with her eyes that there wasn’t a trick or a catch or a gotcha. That it was a genuine gift, because she both appreciated what Rosalie was doing for her and kinda liked her as a person and felt like she deserved it.

“I don’t...know what to say,” Rosalie said carefully, her voice stiff and hard. “’Thank you’ doesn’t feel like...enough. You didn’t have to do that for me, but...you did. Why?”

“We’re friends now, aren’t we?” Bella asked, her voice soft and quiet. “That’s reason enough.”

“Friends…” Rosalie murmured, still searching Bella’s face with her eyes. Sure, they hadn’t exactly spoken about it or explicitly said that they were friends but Bella was pretty sure you couldn’t watch someone sleep for a week and talk to them every evening without kinda being friends. Even if half the time they spent together had been full of awkward silences and stiff words from Rosalie’s mask.

She liked to think Rosalie was her friend anyway. Even if she wasn’t Rosalie’s. Which would hurt, and she might shed a few tears about in the shower at some point, but that was okay. Bella didn’t strictly need Rosalie’s friendship, as long as they didn’t go back to just disliking and sniping at each other.

“I don’t think I’ve ever really had a friend before…” Rosalie murmured to herself, her brow furrowing.

Bella blinked.

“What about Emmett? And Jasper? You get along with them pretty well. And Alice says you two have fun together when you aren’t fighting,” Bella said, confused.

“They’re my siblings,” Rosalie said, frowning.

“You can’t be friends with your siblings?” Bella asked, raising an eyebrow. “I mean, I’m an only child so maybe I just don’t get it, but...I dunno, I think Charlie is my friend. And my dad. He’s both. Why can’t Emmett and Jasper be your brothers and your friends? And Alice your friend and your sister?”

Rosalie’s frown deepened a little bit and her eyes flickered with confusion and internal conflict.

“But they’re family. I’ve never had someone that wasn’t family...be friendly . Or want to be my friend at all. Not without ulterior motives, anyway,” she muttered.

“Really? Nobody?” Bella asked, feeling a bit sad.

Rosalie shrugged.

“I get along with the Denali coven. But they’re more Carlisle and Edward’s friends,” she said quietly. “Most others don’t get along with us so I don’t really have a lot of opportunities.”

And there’s the fact that you seem to push everyone away at every opportunity , Bella thought quietly to herself. Which, she didn’t exactly begrudge that of Rosalie, she understood better than most what it was like to feel safer alone. Rosalie’s eyes looked far away now, as if she were looking through Bella now rather than at her.

But it still made her sad.

“Rosalie?” Bella asked quietly.

Rosalie didn’t reply verbally, but her eyes refocused on Bella with a slight nod. Feeling equally bold and terrified, Bella cleared her throat lightly.

“Can I...can I hug you…?” she asked quietly, resisting the powerful urge to cringe as soon as the words came out of her mouth.

Rosalie blinked.

She didn’t look upset at the suggestion, which was a start, Bella supposed. She did look extremely confused, which wasn’t great, but it wasn’t a rejection or another freak-out like the woods, so, progress?

“You can say no,” Bella whispered. “I won’t be mad. I just...wanted to ask.”

Something flickered across Rosalie’s face. A flash of pain that looked to contain a thousand questions, and for a brief moment Bella thought Rosalie was going to bolt out the window.

She tensed her shoulders and waited. The tension in the room felt thick, and she found it a bit difficult to breathe. Rosalie’s eyes, fiery and distraught, didn’t match her stone-cold frown on her face, and it unnerved Bella.

But then, slowly, Rosalie dipped her chin in a faint nod.

“Okay,” Bella said with a soft exhale. “Then um...I’m – I’m gonna...do that now.”

Rosalie didn’t move.

Bella slowly lifted up her arms and gingerly wrapped them around Rosalie, careful to not squeeze her too hard. This wasn’t a fleeting, ‘get-one-in-while-you-can’ hug like she had done in the woods. She wanted to savor this one, at least a little bit.

So she carefully put her arms around Rosalie’s torso and rested her hands on her shoulder blades, turning her head to the side and resting her cheek on Rosalie’s collarbone. She let out a soft, contented sigh as she closed her eyes, reveling in the feeling of Rosalie’s body against hers.

Rosalie was, at first, tenser than Bella thought possible. She was pretty sure if a human’s muscles got that tense they would snap or shatter, or at least cramp up something fierce. Rosalie didn’t move her arms, and in fact didn’t even move at all. She didn’t breathe, and there was no heartbeat to listen to.

For all intents and purposes, Bella might as well be hugging a marble statue right now.

And then she shifted.

Bella felt Rosalie’s shoulder rotate, and her arm move. Then she felt fingers tenderly threading through her hair before a palm rested on the back of her head, with just the barest amount of pressure. Rosalie’s other hand stayed frozen at her side, but after another moment Bella felt Rosalie begin to make gentle, circular movements with her thumb on Bella’s head.

She let out another happy sigh, feeling warm in her core as she unconsciously nuzzled into Rosalie a little bit. Bella didn’t even realize what she was doing, but if she had been able to see Rosalie’s face when she did it, she would have seen the neutral expression break into something wrenched with pain and longing for only a moment before Rosalie took a deep breath in of her own, letting it out slowly as the tension inside her bled away, bit by bit.

Bella smiled into Rosalie’s collarbone as she felt the tension begin to leave her body.

“There we go,” she murmured quietly. “Everyone needs a good hug once in a while.”

Rosalie continued to not say anything, but she didn’t need to. Bella understood.

Eventually they separated. Bella wiped her eyes, realizing that she had gotten a bit misty at one point during the hug, and gave Rosalie a slightly wet smile. Rosalie’s face immediately twisted up in concern and she opened her mouth to ask a question before Bella preemptively answered it.

“I’m fine,” she said quietly. “That was just...really good. Really nice. Made me a bit...emotional, I guess. My um, my therapist told me that tears aren’t always sad. That tears are how your body deals with too many emotions, it pushes the excess out through your eyes. Apparently the um, the chemical makeup of sad tears, happy tears, and tears from like, um, laughing too hard, are all different. Neat, huh?”

Rosalie’s mouth snapped shut and she looked at Bella with an odd expression for a few moments before nodding, looking a bit relieved that Bella wasn’t sad or upset. Bella let out a breath and shook her arms out, feeling like her skin was tingling with static electricity.

“Anyway,” she said breathily. “I have some um, homework I have to do and a test to study for, so I’m...gonna do that. You, meanwhile, enjoy your Christmas gift, and I’m gonna do my homework at my desk for once!”

Bella laughed at her own words and pulled her homework out of her backpack, as well as the textbook she needed for the American History test. When she turned around, Rosalie was already in the rocking chair.

The curtains were open again, letting the moonlight filter in. But Rosalie had the lamp on and was tracing her index finger in circles on one arm of the chair, her other hand holding the book she was reading.

Rosalie didn’t speak for the rest of the evening. She just sat in the rocking chair, reading. Occasionally she would rock the chair back and forth a little bit, only a few inches or so, for a bit, but for the most part she was still and silent.

Bella didn’t mind.

She did her homework and allowed Rosalie the space, putting her earbuds in. When she was done with her homework and her brain couldn’t handle any more reading about American History, she got a book of her own, took her meds, and crawled into bed.

Bella wondered if she would still need the cocktail of antidepressants and anxiety medication when she was turned. Could vampires even metabolize SSRIs? She knew she wouldn’t need a sleep aid anymore because, well, she wouldn’t sleep.

She could always ask Carlisle the next weekend. He seemed to get a bit of a kick out of answering Bella’s weird vampire questions.

Until she eventually drifted off to sleep, Bella read and stole quick glances at Rosalie, feeling slightly giddy every time she did so. Because although Rosalie didn’t speak, and practically didn’t move except for the occasional rocking of the chair and turning of a page, until Bella fell asleep she had the same expression on her face.

And Bella was almost positive that instead of her normal marble-statue neutral expression, Rosalie was, for the rest of the evening, wearing a small, contented smile.

~~~~~

Of course, things couldn’t just remain static around Bella Swan. Eventually something had to happen to shake things up.

The next week was...normal. Bella didn’t have any more emotionally-charged moments with Rosalie, but something had definitely shifted in the air between them. Rosalie was looking at her a lot more often now, her eyes flicking up from her book so quickly Bella barely could catch it happening.

She sensed questions in the air, and a few times she was certain Rosalie almost asked them. But each time she would either divert the conversation somewhere else, or would think otherwise of speaking at all and just go back to her book.

Rosalie really did seem to like her new chair, though. That made Bella happy.

The week of Christmas bore down upon the school and on the last day before break, students were handing gifts to their friends left and right. Bella grimaced at all the noise as she walked through it all.

One thing Bella had tried since the conversation with Alice and Jasper at lunch was meditation. She didn’t really know what she was doing, but she had spent at least a little time every day since then trying to meditate a little, using the techniques she remembered from therapy.

She couldn’t really tell if it was helping , but it was boring.

Bella kept thinking about the idea of her gift being something around her, something that she had to...change, or open. In her meditations she pictured it at first as a sort of dome around her and tried to ‘feel’ for it so she could open it up, but it didn’t feel...right.

She thought about Jasper’s comment, that the way it felt for his gift to touch her was similar to if he tried to touch her physically and only came across a layer of glass. Something impassive and blank.

Alice continued to be of little actual help but was a veritable fountain of unwavering support, telling Bella over and over again that she had faith in her and that she could do it. Emmett agreed with Bella that meditation was boring, and he joked about it as he escorted her through the halls after lunch on their last day of school.

“So you just sit there and think about nothing? That sounds incredibly lame,” he commented when she explained what it was she had been doing.

“I don’t think about nothing,” Bella said, laughing. “It’s not about literally thinking about nothing. It’s about trying to reach an inner peace or calm with yourself, to help sort through your mind and stuff a bit better, and maybe it’ll help me...with the thing.”

“Huh,” Emmett said, shrugging. “Still sounds lame.”

Bella lightly punched his arm and he laughed.

“You’ll figure it out eventually. And, it’ll be way easier once you uh…” he said, giving her a grin.

“Yeah but...I dunno, I want to figure it out now,” Bella grumbled. “It feels like it’d be helpful, yknow?”

“I guess,” Emmett said with another shrug. They arrived at Bella’s class and he patted her shoulder. “Seeya Bells. Jasp’s got next shift. Be good,” he chuckled.

Bella rolled her eyes and shoved him away.

When she found Jasper waiting in the hall for her, she could tell he was on edge. He looked a bit twitchy, and he wasn’t breathing in through his nose.

“You good?” she asked quietly as they began to walk.

“Lots of emotions today. Hormones everywhere too,” he grumbled. “I feel like I’m being assaulted on all sides. It’s been a bit...difficult to keep a grip today.”

“I’m sorry,” Bella sighed. He shook his head and they continued walking in silence.

They were halfway to her next class when everything seemed to happen at once.

Bella heard the soft yelp and wince of pain from behind them, and she felt Jasper’s whole body stiffen up.

“Ah! Shit, papercut,” a girl behind them said.

“I told you not to open it so fast!” came a second, laughing voice. “Let’s get you to the nurse for a band-aid, that looks like a real bleeder.”

“Yeah it’s kinda gross,” the first girl groaned.

Then, Bella looked, and Jasper’s pupils were nearly fully dilated. His face was screwed up, and she could see his fists were tightly clenched.

“Fuck,” she whispered.

“Get away,” Jasper hissed through gritted teeth. “I need to leave.”

“Fuck that!” Bella hissed back, looking frantically around the hall. “I’m not going anywhere!”

“Bella – “ Jasper groaned before he cut himself off, his jaw tightening as he clamped his mouth shut.

Acting on instinct, Bella grabbed his elbow and began dragging him through the hall. Thankfully there weren’t a lot of students around, but she didn’t care who was looking as she peered through every window on the doors to find – there!

Bella yanked open the door to the empty classroom. Every high school had at least a handful of unused ones, and she was thankful the door was unlocked. A thin layer of dust was on the desks, and the room was empty and vacant of any identifying features.

She dragged Jasper into the room and closed the door behind her, quickly moving away from it so nobody could see them inside.

Jasper leaned against the wall and put his head in his hands, groaning in either pain, frustration, or both.

“Hang in there man, you’ll get through this,” Bella said, trying to keep her voice level and quiet.

“Bella...you – ugh – you need to leave,” Jasper grunted, digging his fingernails into his scalp. “You have – nngh – no idea...how hard it is to not bite you right now.”

His eyes opened and they were fully black. He let out a noise that was half-snarl, half-groan.

“Where are the others!? Why are they not here?” she hissed, not listening to him.

“School...too loud, can’t – hhh – hear us,” he hissed. “Bella, leave.”

“Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up,” Bella hissed, starting to pace back and forth. Jasper pressed himself back against the wall, and Bella could feel her heart start to race. She started breathing deeply as she paced to try to keep it down, not wanting to agitate Jasper with more pumping blood. Why couldn’t Alice see them? Wasn’t she supposed to see if something like this happened?

She froze.

Alice can’t see because of me, she realized numbly.

And Jasper was fighting a losing battle with his own self-control, with nobody but a stupid, useless human to help him. A stupid, useless fucking human that was, if anything, actively hindering his ability to be helped.

Bella would find it hard to pick a moment in her life where she’d hated herself more than right now.

She couldn’t just leave.

Just because she physically left, now, wouldn’t guarantee that Alice suddenly saw Jasper, and it wouldn’t guarantee that she could get here in time before things went further to shit.

Bella looked at Jasper, who was staring back at her with inky black eyes. She could see something wet and shiny on his lips, and knew that it must be his venom starting to pool in his mouth from the hunger.

She could see in his face that he was trying, she could see it in the tension of his muscles and hear it in the grunts of pain and frustration escaping his throat.

And she could also see that he was slowly losing.

He wouldn’t be able to stop himself.

Bella wasn’t sure if help would come in time, even if she left and cleared the way for Alice’s visions.

If anyone was going to stop Jasper from hurting himself or someone else, it had to be her.

It was up to Bella.

She squared her shoulders and took a breath.

“Okay,” she said quietly. Jasper relaxed slightly, taking that to mean she was leaving, only for Bella to start walking towards him. He hissed angrily at her and scrambled back away from her until he bumped up against the far corner of the room.

But Bella didn’t stop.

“Jasper I need you to look at me,” she said quietly, firmly. “You’re stronger than this, and you can beat it, but I need you to look at me.”

Jasper’s gift was feelings.

He could influence the feelings of others.

But he also felt the feelings of others.

Ergo, if Bella could let him in, if she could grab onto his gift, she could push her own feelings back along it and try to smother out the hunger, try to calm him down.

She just had to find it.

He hissed at her again, glaring at her with a mix of frustration and fear. Bella knew that she should be scared shitless right now, but she felt eerily calm. Her heart wasn’t even racing anymore, and her stomach was still and lacking in nausea.

Bella knew she was staring potential death right in the face, but all she could feel about that was apathy.

It wasn’t like it was her first time.

“Jasper,” she insisted. “Look at my eyes.”

He growled and hissed, but he looked at her eyes. She stared at him, taking slow breaths and trying to clear her mind out. She imagined the glass around her body, around her mind and her emotions.

“Your gift,” she said quietly. “Reach out to me. I know you’re just going to bounce off at first, but I need you to reach out to me.”

A flash of confusion mixed in with the pain and frustration, but he gave a jerky nod and Bella took another breath.

She needed to find it.

A drop of venom fell onto the floor.

They were running out of time.

Jasper slid further down the wall.

She had to find it.

His legs tensed, his shoulders bunched up as he seemed to pull in on himself. Holding himself back.

She tried everything. Tried to shatter the glass, tried to open it, tried to dissolve it, tried anything to grab onto the thread she knew he was extending out to her, but nothing was working.

Bella took another breath.

In through her nose.

Out through her mouth.

And then she saw Jasper twitch, and something in her gut knew.

They were out of time.

He lunged at her, a snarl on his lips.

Bella didn’t move.

She didn’t even feel afraid.

And just as Jasper opened his mouth and bared a set of long fangs dripping gleaming venom, Bella’s face contorted in anger, frustration, and she mentally slammed her foot down in defiance and snarled back at him.

“NO,” she snarled, and she felt something nudge in her mind.

With a mental push , she found it.

Jasper managed to catch himself at the last second, jerking his body to the side and slamming into one of the desks. When he did Bella lifted up her hand, knowing it would help her visualize it, and snatched the thread of his gift out of the air.

She felt her gift warp and change around it, trying to push it away from her, but she curled her lip and yanked it within. Then, knowing what Jasper had told her about the passive effect in his gift making him feel like he was drowning in emotions when enough people were around, she spun her own gift in a web around his and isolated it.

Bella could hear him gasp as she did it. They were alone now.

And then she was hit by it.

Hunger.

Impossible, overwhelming, all-consuming hunger. The lingering scent of iron slammed into the back of her throat and she gagged lightly, and even though she did not have fangs or venom yet, even though she was still human, in that moment she had to struggle to not burst into the hallway and sink her teeth into the first fleshy neck she saw.

“No,” she growled. “You don’t get to do that. I’m in charge now so shut the fuck up.”

She whirled around and saw Jasper, his eyes still black and his fangs still bared, and she could feel the maelstrom of emotions coming from him. Surrounding the ceaseless hunger was a healthy dose of anger that Bella hadn’t left when he asked, frustration and self-loathing at his own loss of control, and...fear.

Of Bella.

She frowned at that and examined it a bit further. It wasn’t...fear of her in the sense that Jasper was afraid that she would hurt him, he wasn’t afraid of her physically.

He was afraid of her scorn. He was afraid that she would now hate him, afraid that he had ruined something irreparably.

Bella looked into his eyes as he pulled further away, stumbling backwards.

She took a step forward, using her hold on his gift to send him calm, warm feelings. She began breathing deep again.

In through her nose.

Out through her mouth.

With each exhale she sent a pulse along the thread of Jasper’s gift, a pulse of warmth. Calm.

And then she spoke to him.

“I am not afraid of you, Jasper Hale,” she murmured gently. “And you are not a monster.”

She couldn’t read his thoughts, but he was sending his emotions full-blast along to Bella. And she could recognize them. The self-loathing, the disgust. It might be different for him, Jasper might believe he had real reason to think himself monstrous, but Bella could recognize the feelings all the same.

Bella didn’t have to be able to read his thoughts to know what he was thinking.

She sent another pulse of warmth along the thread. Communicated without words that it didn’t matter that he had trouble with his control, with his bloodthirst, Jasper made her feel safe. She called up the memory of him being the only one to listen to her and do something about Edward, and the trust that had inspired in her.

Motioning for him to sit on the floor, she sat down. Crossing her legs and waiting.

He slowly sat down opposite her. He was still twitching, and his eyes were still black, but the hunger was being suppressed by Bella’s hold on his gift enough to where he could keep his control. It was still at risk of running away from him again if Bella were to let go, but she didn’t let go.

Instead she led the thread through her mind, breathing slowly and deeply, until she came upon a dark place in her mind that none of the Cullens, as far as she was aware, knew existed.

A deep, gaping maw of black and void and nothingness. A pit in the back of her mind that had no bottom and was filled with teeth of apathy and self-loathing and an ephemeral sense of emptiness. She sat down at the edge of the pit and brought the thread with her, letting Jasper ‘see’ an echo of it.

His eyes widened slightly and Bella gave him a wan smile.

“This is where I go to think,” she murmured quietly. “Maybe it’s a bit morbid, but it’s calming to me. There’s...a little shadow of me, of the old Bella, down there somewhere. Still stuck. I think she’ll be down there forever, and I have to do my best to never join her again. Sitting here gives me some perspective about where I’ve been in my life, and that no matter what I’m going through right now, at least I crawled out of the pit. At least I have that. And I have to remember to never, ever go back in, no matter how much I might want to.”

Jasper didn’t speak. Didn’t reply.

She kept sending warm feelings across the thread. It almost...felt like a hug. A mental, magical hug, but a hug all the same.

“This is why you don’t scare me,” she said quietly. “You think I should be afraid of you, because you could hurt me, or kill me. But Jasper? So can I.”

A soft hitch came from Jasper’s throat, and she saw the black begin to recede in his eyes as she continued to let calming, warm feelings flow across the thread. She cracked another smile as a rogue thought popped into her head, that the way she was treating this whole situation was a bit like the way she had learned to treat herself when her mind was dangerously close to the pit.

Apparently it was much easier to do to someone else than herself.

“You can’t scare me with death,” Bella said, her voice soft and serious, looking deeply into his eyes as the black continued to recede. “Not my own, anyway. So I’m not scared of you, Jasper. And I never will be. Because the only way you would ever hurt me is by hurting my body, and I’m well past being afraid of that.”

The hunger was abating. Bella could feel it dissipate within her, which meant it must be going away within Jasper as well. She continued to send warm feelings along the thread until it was gone completely, and Jasper’s eyes were back to normal.

He was looking at her with a strange expression, and she could feel a myriad of emotions along the thread. Shock, awe, and confusion. But also….care. She could feel how deeply Jasper cared about her, and she smiled.

Jasper seemed to know what she was smiling about and offered a tentative, crooked one back.

“At first it was...because you made Alice happy,” he said quietly, his voice a little raspy. “Then I met you, and you didn’t judge or fear me. You just...went with it all. When you discovered I used to...eat humans, you barely even blinked. At first I was...angry, actually.”

Bella laughed. At first? She felt it not thirty seconds ago.

“I thought you were being flippant with your own safety,” he admitted. “But you just...cared. Not about who I was, but about who I am. And nobody besides Alice has ever truly done that before.”

She could only shrug. What else was she supposed to do? Hate him for something he wasn’t anymore?

He was quiet for a moment before continuing to speak.

“You risked your life for me,” he said. It wasn’t a question, or a reprimand. Just a statement of fact.

“Don’t get a big head,” Bella teased lightly. “Can you imagine how distraught Alice would be if something happened to you?”

Jasper smiled properly at her this time and she laughed.

“If you had left I would have just broken out a window and ran,” he said, pushing a hand through his hair. “No one except you was truly in danger. I had enough control of myself to do that much, but you wouldn’t leave.”

“But if I did that, how long would it have been before you could look me in the face again?” Bella asked quietly.

Jasper’s silence was the only answer she needed.

She slowly scooted over to him and sat next to him, gingerly resting her head on his shoulder and lightly pressing her side against him. She felt him stiffen up lightly and through the thread still connecting them, she felt the sting of anticipation as he waited for his control to slip again.

But she still had hold of him and provided ample assistance to his self-control in stamping the hunger down. She took a slow breath and sighed, closing her eyes and relaxing a little as the adrenaline of the whole situation left her body.

“This is...incredible,” Jasper murmured. “I don’t feel anyone else. This school is...full of hormonal teenagers with such powerful and...and annoying emotions and – I don’t...I don’t feel a thing except you.”

“I figured you needed a break,” Bella hummed quietly.

“I’m not going to be able to go back,” he chuckled ruefully. “You’ve spoiled me. For the first time in ages I have some peace and quiet without having to go out into a wasteland with no other people for miles around, and in a few minutes I’m supposed to just go back to drowning.”

Bella laughed and pressed her head a bit harder into his shoulder.

“If I can repeat this I’ll do it again for you sometime,” she murmured. “I might even be able to isolate it entirely, so you don’t feel me either.”

“Really?” Jasper asked. “That’s...impressive. That’s one hell of a gift.”

Bella shrugged.

“You guys keep telling me I’m a shield. Only makes sense that I can shield other things too.”

“I suppose so,” he said quietly.

They fell silent after that, no longer speaking in words. Bella kept sending pulses of warm, reassuring thoughts along the thread and Jasper started responding in kind. They sat in that empty classroom, emotionally holding hands, as Bella comforted her friend from the rough episode he had just endured.

When the bell rang the spell broke and they had to leave. Bella groaned when she realized what would happen when people saw them coming out of an empty classroom together, and Jasper laughed.

“You go first,” he chuckled, standing up and ruffling her hair. “I’ll skip another class. I need to go hunt anyway, especially once you let go.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Bella asked quietly.

“Okay? Better than okay. Bella, you have no idea what you’ve done for me today,” Jasper said, smiling wider than Bella had ever seen him smile before. “I feel like my whole life has changed.”

“Aw, jeez,” Bella said, feeling bashful all of a sudden. “It wasn’t that big of a deal,” she mumbled. “I just...you were hurting, and scared and...I had to help.”

“You risked your life for me,” he repeated, his voice firm and serious.

“I had to help,” Bella repeated, averting her eyes.

Jasper didn’t say anything for a moment, but he reached out and squeezed her shoulder.

“I won’t tell anyone what you showed me,” he said quietly. “Not even Alice. You deserve to be able to tell them yourself, if you ever choose to. But I will tell them about you finding your gift and helping me.”

Bella nodded, the words stuck in her throat. So instead she just sent a pulse of gratitude across the thread, one that was responded to tenfold, before sighing.

“I should let go now. I don’t think I can keep hold of you from a distance, and you need to go hunt,” she mumbled. “You ready?”

Jasper took a deep breath and nodded, closing his eyes.

Bella closed her own and counted to ten.

And then, she lifted her fist and opened it, one finger at a time.

When her final finger opened, the thread fell and her gift seemed to shift back into place around her. She could feel it now. Experimentally she tried to warp it a bit, tried to see if she could make a Jasper-shaped opening.

Jasper sighed as the feelings of the rest of the school once again descended upon him. But then he frowned and looked at Bella, who was looking at him with quiet anticipation.

“I can still feel you,” he said slowly.

“It worked?” Bella asked hopefully. “I can feel my gift now so...I wanted to try and keep an opening for you without having to pull you in like that.”

“I think it is…” he said, concentrating for a moment. “You’re duller than everyone else but I’m not getting nothing from you anymore. It’s only a bit, but that’s far more than nothing.”

Bella laughed happily and did a little run in place to burn off her excitement. She then squealed and jumped at Jasper, throwing her arms around his neck and laughing louder.

“I did it! Oh my god Jasper I did it! I figured out how to use my gift! Jasper!!” she squealed, jumping up and down as she clung to his shoulders.

Jasper laughed and patted her back, and after a moment she sprang back, realizing she was probably overwhelming him.

“I can’t feel anything you’re putting out so I guess my gift still prevents you from affecting me unless I focus like earlier but oh my god ,” she gushed, pushing both hands through her hair. “Dude I can use magic!”

That got a proper, doubled-over laugh from Jasper and Bella joined him, laughing giddily as she realized what she just did.

“You sure can,” he said after his laughter died down. “Now, I really have to go hunt and you really have to get to class. Go. I’ll share the good news around, unless you’d prefer to do the honors?”

Bella shook her head.

“Tell them! Tell everyone. I’ll have plenty of time to talk about it later but I want everyone to know now and I don’t just want to text them,” she laughed.

Jasper nodded and gave her a two finger salute before going over to one of the windows and, after making sure nobody would spot him, pulled it open and was gone in a blur and a blink.

Bella giggled to herself with glee for a few moments before exiting the classroom as stealthily as she could. She was under no illusions that nobody had heard them, especially at the end there, but she didn’t care.

She could use magic.

Everyone in this school not named Swan, Cullen, or Hale could suck it.

~~~~~

When Bella walked into her room that night, she was still giddy from her accomplishment from earlier. Alice had practically tackled her with a hug after school, thanking her profusely and expressing just how proud she was of her. During the early evening after Alice had taken her home, Bella had gotten her to try and force a vision of her and tried to get a sense of her gift the same way she had done so for Jasper.

Oddly though, it didn’t seem to work.

She couldn’t feel Alice’s thread the same way she could with Jasper, and this puzzled her. She described to Alice what her experience with Jasper felt like, the way she had interacted with his gift, and Alice couldn’t come up with an idea as to why it didn’t quite work for her.

So she was slightly bummed about that, but it wasn’t nearly enough to dampen her mood overall. She was practically singing as she made dinner, and when Charlie asked her why she was in such a good mood she told him that she just had a really good day and was looking forward to winter break.

Bella opened the door to her room, looking forward to another night with Rosalie. At this point she was actually...going to be quite disappointed, when it was safe for her to be alone again and Rosalie would leave.

But she put those thoughts out of her mind as she closed the door behind her. Turning around she expected to see Rosalie in the rocking chair, but was surprised to find her standing almost right in front of her, looking pensive and concerned.

Her brow was slightly furrowed, and her eyes flickered with uncertainty and fear.

Bella immediately stepped forward, and Rosalie flinched slightly.

She stopped and held her hands up.

“Whoa,” Bella said quietly. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Her stomach twisted as a thousand worries ran through her head, anxieties and fears ranging from utterly unfounded to all too possible. Rosalie grit her teeth a little before taking a slow breath and looking at Bella.

“I have to talk to you,” she whispered.

“Okay, what is it? Is it Edward? Is something happening?” Bella asked hurriedly, her heart speeding up.

“No,” Rosalie whispered. “It’s about...me. Or rather...us.”

Bella swallowed thickly.

“Okay.”

Notes:

I love cliffhangers.

Act One's conclusion bears down upon us, with three chapters left to go. Bella's gift is awake and she can begin to exert a rudimentary level of control over it, although it remains to be seen whether or not she's capable of it as a human *without* being in a potentially life-threatening situation.

And then Rosalie. Oh dear sweet Rose, she's really being put through the emotional wringer behind the scenes as you can probably imagine. Bella made an important step in breaking down those walls, but as you can see from the end of the chapter...and, well, if you know anything about how traumatized people with Rosalie's flavor of defense mechanisms react when their defense mechanisms are well and truly in danger of failing, you know this isn't over yet.

After all, like she said about her dear brother...cornered animals bite.

The next chapter is already written and edited. I've been on fire recently, and honestly, this chapter kind of led right into the next one so I practically wrote them in the same sitting anyway.

It's also a Rosalie POV. :)

Love y'all~

Chapter 14: When You Watch Me Throwing Punches At The Devil (It Just Looks Like I'm Fighting With Me)

Summary:

Rosalie's walls are about to come down from Bella's persistent kindness and closeness, but it's never that simple. Rosalie, believing that if this continues her causing Bella pain is an inevitability, makes a choice to take the control back into her own hands, and end things on her own terms. But the mate-bond cannot be ignored that easily, and Rosalie must come to terms with her actions afterwards, helped along by one person expected, and one very, very unexpected...

Notes:

I just have two words for you as you read through this chapter:

Have faith.

“I know you were trying to help,
But you’re only making it worse.

Tell me that I shouldn’t blame myself,

But you can’t even imagine how badly it hurts,
Just to think sometimes.

How I think, almost all the time…”

~~~

“Shadowboxing” – Julien Baker

~~~~~

When Rosalie had come in through Bella’s window earlier in the evening, her resolve had been firm. After days of thought, she had come to a decision. It was time to be done with this farce, time to cauterize this open wound in her chest.

Time to go.

But as Rosalie looked at Bella, the expression on her face and the immediate hammering of her heartbeat almost crumbled Rosalie’s will to continue on. Bella’s eyes were already faintly wet with tears, and Rosalie felt her stomach burn. But she squared her shoulders and wrapped steel around her dead, limp heart.

There was no going back now. She had to do this.

Before it was too late.

She never should have been here in the first place. This was all a mistake.

“Should I...should I sit down…?” Bella asked, her voice quiet and thick with emotions.

Rosalie took a step back and nodded.

Bella walked over to her bed and sat down, sticking her hands between her legs and pressing her thighs tightly together. Rosalie knew she was doing this to conceal the shaking that had already started the moment the first words came out of Rosalie’s mouth.

“I’m sorry,” Rosalie said quietly, turning away.

If she had to look, had to watch, she wouldn’t go through with it. She couldn’t look.

“For what? You haven’t done anything wrong...Rosalie what is going on?” Bella asked, her voice weak and trembling.

“Stop it,” Rosalie grunted, clenching her fist. “Stop saying that.”

“Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not your fault.”

“Rose…?” Bella’s voice was smaller than ever, and Rosalie wrapped her arms tightly around herself, gritting her teeth.

Why?

Why her? Why did this have to happen? Why couldn’t Bella have just stayed away, why did she need to do this to her?

Why couldn’t Rosalie just stay away in the first place? Why did she have to follow her into those damn woods in the first place?

You know the answer, a little voice in the back of Rosalie’s mind whispered. A voice she had been trying to ignore for years, a voice that had steadily been growing louder and louder. Stronger, more demanding, gaining more control.

It had been almost impossible to smother out ever since Bella presented that stupid chair.

“This can’t...we can’t do this, anymore,” Rosalie gritted out through her teeth. Bella took a small, sharp intake of breath.

“You mean...you mean you being here at – at night?” Bella asked hesitantly, sounding...hopeful.

Rosalie shook her head.

“I mean any of...of this ,” she said, gesturing wildly towards the chair, herself. The room in general. “Fuck, Bella, you shouldn’t want to be near me at all. Do you know what I am ? What I could do to you?”

She could hear the heat in Bella’s voice when she responded.

“Stop that. I had the same conversation with Jasper and I’ll tell you the same thing, none of you scare me. I’m not afraid of being hurt, I don’t care that I’m human and you aren’t. Plus I’ll be one of you eventually so why does it even matter?”

Rosalie laughed, but there was no joy in it.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” she whispered.

I could hurt you in ways you could never imagine.

That’s who I am.

That’s who I’ve always been.

“Then tell me,” Bella insisted softly, shifting across her bed to move closer to Rosalie.

The smell of strawberries was floating under Rosalie’s nose, the cloying scent filling her mind and threatening to make her legs tremble. She squeezed her eyes shut. Stopped breathing. Did her best to shut it out, to ignore it.

“Do you know the tale of the scorpion and the frog?” she asked, pushing a hand through her hair.

Bella seemed a bit taken off guard by that, but she recovered quickly and replied.

“It’s an old fable right?” she asked, sounding confused.

“Once upon a time there was a scorpion on a riverbank,” Rosalie began, her voice leveling out as she finally managed to begin getting a grasp on her emotions. She squared her shoulders and flexed her fingers. “It wants to cross the river, but it cannot swim. It waits by the riverbank, trying to think of a way to cross, when eventually a frog comes along.”

Bella was silent, and Rosalie continued.

~~~

“Hello,” said the frog. “Why are you sitting by the river?”

“Because I wish to cross to the other side, but I am unable to swim,” the scorpion replied.

“Ah, I see. Why do you want to cross?” the frog asked.

“Because there is something I want on the other side,” the scorpion replied.

“I see,” the frog said. “Well I wish you the best of luck with that!”

The frog began to swim away, but the scorpion called out after before he could get too far.

“Wait!” the scorpion called out. “You can swim. And you are big enough for me to fit on your back. Will you take me across the river?”

The frog hesitated, but slowly swam back towards the scorpion.

“I could,” the frog said slowly. “But your stinger is frightening, and would surely kill me if you were to sting me while astride my back.”

“What would be in it for me if I did that?” the scorpion asked. “If I climb onto your back, even if I were to sting you immediately, you could still swim to the middle of the river before you died. I would drown! There is no reason for me to sting you. All I wish to do is cross the river.”

“I suppose that makes sense,” the frog mused. “Alright then. I will take you across the river if you swear not to sting me.”

“I swear it,” the scorpion said solemnly.

The frog turned its back and got close enough to the riverbank for the scorpion to climb on. He began to swim, taking the scorpion halfway across the river before he felt a searing pain in his back. Realizing the scorpion had stung him anyway, the frog could only ask one question before he died.

“Why?” he asked.

“I am sorry,” the scorpion said, sounding sad and lost. “But I couldn’t stop myself. It’s in my nature, and now we are both doomed.”

~~~

“The frog and the scorpion were swept away by the river, never to be seen again,” Rosalie concluded, her voice but a whisper. Her eyes were stinging, burning, but she kept them shut. Kept her back turned to Bella, kept shutting everything out.

“And I suppose you’re supposed to be the scorpion, and I’m the frog?” Bella spat angrily. Scorn was thick in her voice and Rosalie nearly stumbled from the acid. Bella had traded barbs with her before, she had spoken harsh words and stared daggers, but never had Bella spoken to her with so much...so much venom.

A small part of Rosalie began to wonder if this was a mistake.

She quickly stomped it out.

“I’m not good for you,” she insisted, setting her jaw and grinding her teeth together. “I cannot be your friend, it’s not...it’s not right and it will only hurt both of us in the end,” she hissed. She ignored the burning and twisting in her stomach, she ignored the wailing and screaming of her heart behind the many layers of steel.

This was necessary. It was too late to back out now.

“I thought you were different,” Bella muttered harshly. “I thought you understood . I’m so sick of people trying to make decisions for me, I’m so fucking tired of it all and I thought... ugh!”

Rosalie heard the light thunk of Bella’s pillow hitting the wall.

“I’m sorry,” Rosalie said, her voice thin and level. “I’ve already texted Alice. She’s waiting outside. I’m sorry, Bella. I never should have done this in the first place, it was a mistake and I’m sorry for dragging you into it.”

“Rosalie, please ,” Bella replied, all the heat and acid suddenly gone from her voice in favor of a desperate begging. “I know something’s been going on with you, ever since...fuck, ever since we met . Just please tell me what’s going on and we can work on it, we can...we can fix whatever problem there is, just please stay . I – I know you care about me, okay? I know you do.”

“I don’t,” Rosalie said, letting ice creep into the edges of her voice. “I never have.”

“Rose…” Bella said, her voice shaking. “ Please.”

“You said it yourself. In the woods,” Rosalie said, her voice razor-thin like a garrote. Bella’s breath caught in her throat, suppressing an ugly sob. “You said you know I don’t care about you, which is why you wanted my opinion. I’m telling you that you were right. Still want my opinion?”

Rosalie let her words cut, let her words sear and burn. The harder the better. Bella needed to know to stay away.

“I want you to be honest with me,” Bella whispered, pleaded.

“I am,” Rosalie said, dredging up every last ounce of self-control she ever had to put as much ice into her voice as possible. She shut down her emotions, shut down every last part of her that wasn’t absolutely necessary to get through this conversation.

It would all be over soon.

Maybe she would be the one to go to Alaska. The rest of her family could deal with the Edward situation on their own. God knows she’s told them enough times that their leniency and favoritism towards Edward would bite them in the ass one day, would come back to roost.

“Rosalie I said all that stuff before – before I got to know you! You can’t...fuck, Rose, you can’t take my own words from weeks ago and act like – pretend like things are still the same, like things haven’t changed between us since then. You can’t pretend like there hasn’t always been – been something there . The way you – the way you protected me in the woods, the way you held me , I know that you care about me and for some – some reason you just don’t want to say why or let it show.”

Bella’s words were broken up by choked hiccups and rapid, sharp breaths. Her voice was barely concealing the sobs, and Rosalie could hear them catching in her throat. Rosalie clenched her fist, hard, and if her skin hadn’t been as durable as it was her nails would have shredded her palms.

“And I thought – I thought okay, it’s fine, she doesn’t need to tell you – but fuck me Rosalie you can’t do this. You can’t…I’m supposed to – I’m supposed to be with you, all of you...why do this? Why?”

See?

All I do is hurt.

You’ll be better off without me, Bella.

You’re right.

I do care.

Which is why I have to leave.

“You don’t deserve me,” Rosalie whispered under her breath, so quietly Bella couldn’t hear it. “You don’t deserve what I would do to you.”

Louder, she continued to speak.

“It was for my family,” she said, her voice icy and distant. “And you should know by now that I don’t believe in fate. Alice’s visions are helpful sometimes, but has she ever told you that she’s been wrong nearly as often as she’s been right? That her visions have sometimes changed at the eleventh hour to something completely different, because one single decision can change everything at a moment’s notice?”

“Rosalie, please,” Bella whispered desperately, sounding like she was barely holding back sobs.

Rosalie’s heart made one last try. One last desperate effort to break free of the steel. It filled her with a powerful urge to turn around and wrap Bella up in her arms tighter than ever, to apologize over and over again for herself , for how she was , for hurting her, to tell her that she was trying , God she was trying but it was so hard and –

And nothing.

Rosalie wrapped one last layer of steel around her heart and smothered out its last bleat.

She let out a long, slow exhale through her nose.

She turned around.

Bella’s face was wrenched in pain, confusion, and sorrow. One of her hands was gripping onto her arm so tightly Rosalie was sure she would draw blood soon. Her nose was dripping snot, and tears were running freely down her cheeks from her bloodshot eyes.

“Stay away from my family, Bella,” Rosalie said. “You have so much of your life to live. Don’t throw it away. Just because Alice saw you as one of us doesn’t mean it will happen, and you have no idea what you’ll be giving up by throwing yourself at us.”

You are so much more than that.

You are worth so much more.

Don’t snuff yourself out for us.

We aren’t worth it.

...I’m not worth it.

“I don’t want it,” Bella whimpered, shaking her head. “I just want you. I want you guys. You and – and your family have been the f-first people besides Charlie to ever really want me a-and...and even Charlie never wanted me enough to c-care about what was happening to me before.”

Rosalie turned and opened the window.

“Please don’t go,” Bella whispered.

“Goodbye, Bella,” Rosalie replied, her voice quiet. “Alice is just outside. My brother will not have time to hurt you.”

“Rosalie please – “

And she was gone.

Out the window in a blur, leaping past where Charlie Swan’s cameras could see, to the shadowed darkness of the large tree in the yard where Alice was waiting. She was sitting on one of the branches, her feet dangling.

Rosalie put one palm on the trunk of the tree, leaning against it. Her other hand went to her forehead.

Her eyes burned.

“I kind of hate you right now,” Alice said quietly. Her voice was cool and cutting.

Rosalie flinched.

“Join the club,” she hissed.

Alice shook her head slowly.

“I should gut you where you stand,” she said plainly, jumping down from the tree and standing in front of Rosalie. Her hands were clasped behind her back and her head was tilted slightly to the side. Rosalie looked into her eyes and felt a chill go down her spine.

Gone were any traces of playfulness in Alice’s eyes, gone was the eccentricity and the undercurrent of whimsy that always seemed to follow her. Even when she would argue with and scold Rosalie in the years since that vision there was...always a bit of levity there.

As if somewhere inside of her, all this time, Alice had been treating Rosalie more like a petulant toddler throwing a tantrum, expecting her to come around eventually. Never believing that Rosalie would really do something like this.

But that was gone now.

Alice was the most serious Rosalie had ever seen her, and for the first time she found herself slightly afraid of her sister.

“Do you know what she did for Jasper earlier?” Alice asked.

Rosalie blinked.

Jasper had texted her earlier. Said something about Bella, that he wanted to talk to her. But Rosalie had ignored it, because she hadn’t planned to ever see Bella again after tonight. So it wouldn’t matter.

She shook her head.

“She found her gift. For him,” Alice said bluntly. “A kid got a paper cut in the hallway opening a Christmas present from their friend, and Jasper almost lost control. He was having a hard day already because of all the hormones and excitement in the air. Christmas spirit and all. So when he smelled fresh blood, he nearly lost it. Do you know what Bella did?”

Rosalie shook her head again.

“She dragged him into an empty classroom and stared him down. Refused to leave. Even though he was a heartbeat away from mauling her she didn’t budge, didn’t show a shred of fear, didn’t care that her own life was in danger. All she cared about was that Jasper was suffering and she couldn’t help him. She stayed with him through it all, even when his control finally snapped and he lunged at her neck.”

Rosalie instinctually stiffened and bared her teeth in a hiss before she even realized what she was doing.

Crack.

Stumbling to the ground in shock, Rosalie gingerly put her fingertips on her cheek where Alice had just slapped her. Looking up at her sister, she saw her eyes burning.

“No,” Alice hissed. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to do that. Do you hear her in there?”

Alice went quiet for a moment, and Rosalie heard it.

Bella’s sobs, muffled by a pillow. Wretched and pathetic, sounding as if her entire self was turning inside out with each gut-wrenching, hacking sob. Hearing it, Rosalie was pretty sure she would have vomited if she was capable of it.

“You don’t get to act all defensive and protective because Jasper almost hurt her. Not anymore,” Alice hissed. “And besides, Bella didn’t care. When he lunged, she just snarled back at him and woke up her own gift.”

Rosalie just stared, eyes wide.

“She used her own gift to grab onto his and pull it inside the boundaries of her own gift ,” Alice said slowly, enunciating every word with steel in her voice. “Bella managed to isolate Jasper from the entire school so that the only thing he could feel was her . And do you know what she did next? With a vampire in the room that had just tried to feed on her?”

Alice stepped forward, looking down at Rosalie like she was dirt under her shoe.

“She told him she wasn’t scared of him,” Alice said quietly. “That he wasn’t a monster. And through his gift, because all he could feel was her so she could make it so much stronger , she sent him feelings of nothing but kindness and warmth and love . She overrode his hunger enough for his own self-control to catch back up and then she stayed. She stayed with him until it was gone entirely.”

Rosalie wanted to look away, wanted to run, but Alice’s gaze kept her pinned on the ground as if she were being crushed by boulders of pure lead.

“She risked her life for him,” Alice said, her voice still flat and hard. “And all she could say to that is that she ‘had to help’.”

Curling her lip, Alice reached down, grabbing the collar of Rosalie’s shirt and pulling her face right in front of hers, growling lightly.

“Maybe you were right,” Alice hissed. “You don’t deserve her. She is so much better than you . But you know what? She’s better than all of us put together . And even though I think she should kick you to the curb, mate-bond be damned, she should tell you to go fuck yourself when you inevitably come crawling back to her because she’s the other half of your soul , she won’t. Not because of the mate bond. But because she, Bella Swan, that beautiful little bird, is better than all of us . None of us deserve her.”

Alice then threw Rosalie to the ground and turned her back, looking towards the open window. Her jaw was twitching and Rosalie could see that her pupils had begun to dilate slightly. Her nostrils flared as she took a deep breath to calm herself down.

“Get the fuck out of my sight,” Alice hissed. “Before I kill you for hurting my sister like this.”

Rosalie didn’t need to be told twice.

She stumbled drunkenly to her feet, turned around, and began to run.

Alice wasted no time in leaping through the open window, and the last thing Rosalie heard was her voice speaking softly to Bella, full of anger and sadness and sympathy.

“Oh Little Bird, I’m so sorry...I’m so, so so sorry…” Alice murmured.

Rosalie ran faster.

She didn’t know how far. She stayed away from the treaty line, though, and stayed away from any other sentient being until she was far, far away.

And then Rosalie Hale began to scream.

She screamed and lashed out with her fists and her anger, thunderous cracks echoing through the air as tree trunks exploded; craterous wounds appearing on them in clouds of splinters. Rocks crumbled to dust under her, animals fled in terror and for years afterwards, a few nature hikers would tell stories of a ghost haunting that area of the forest.

A ghost that screamed with unearthly pain. With pain, hate , and so much anger.

When Rosalie had burnt out every last shred of her energy, she could barely move. She didn’t know how much time had passed.

She slumped to the ground and curled up into a fetal position, her hands limply gripping her hair on the back of her head. She trembled and shook violently. Angry, hateful sobs wracked her chest and nearly cracked her ribs.

It was done.

It was over.

And Rosalie hated herself for it.

~~~

Hours passed.

Still, Rosalie didn’t move.

~~~

The sun was in the sky now. High in the air and shining down into the wreckage below.

And still Rosalie didn’t move.

~~~

It was only when the sun had already dipped once more below the horizon that Rosalie heard someone approach. But she didn’t care. She just lay still, wishing very much that she could simply stop existing. Hoping that whoever had come was here to end her worthless, pathetic life.

What she didn’t want was to smell a familiar smell, to hear a familiar sigh, to feel a familiar hand on her shoulder and to hear a familiar voice.

“Alright,” Emmett Cullen said quietly, his voice thick with sadness and disappointment. “Get up.”

“No,” Rosalie mumbled weakly.

“Wasn’t asking,” Emmett said plainly, grabbing the back of Rosalie’s shirt and forcefully lifting her off the ground. Rosalie just hung from his hand like a sack of potatoes. He tried to place her on her feet, but she just sagged to the ground again in a pile of limbs and hair and filthy clothes.

Emmett sighed.

He scooped Rosalie up in his arms, letting her head rest against his shoulder, and began to carry her.

Rosalie didn’t fight him. He wasn’t bringing her back to the house, as far as she could tell, so she didn’t care where he took her.

He began to run.

They ran all night until they came across an empty cabin deep within the wilderness. It was one Emmett and Edward had built together decades ago, when Edward wanted a place to ‘get away’ for a while after one of his ‘we’re all damned and our existence is reviled by God’ episodes. Emmett had found it a great excuse to put his at-the-time newfound interest in woodworking to use, and helped Edward build the cabin, putting in a workshop for himself.

He used the cabin as a long-term project since then, hand-making all the furniture that slowly accumulated inside of it.

There was a single small outbuilding that housed a huge generator, and Rosalie could smell the scent of fresh gasoline in the air. Emmett had just recently refilled it.

Emmett walked up and turned the handle of the door before pushing it open with his shoulder, being careful to not bump Rosalie against the cabin. Not that she would have cared. She still remained limp against his torso.

She didn’t resist as he set her down on a suspiciously-clean couch.

Later she would realize that he must have known where she was much earlier than he actually found her, and had spent time cleaning and preparing the cabin first before coming to get her. But right now Rosalie was in no state to do much thinking.

No, right now Rosalie simply laid down on her side, facing towards the couch cushions.

Emmett busied himself in the cabin and soon came to Rosalie with a large plastic bottle full of blood and a blanket. He set the bottle down on a small end table near Rosalie’s head and covered her with the blanket.

“I’ll be in the workshop. You’ll find it if you need me, there’s only so many rooms,” he said quietly. “Please eat. I don’t know when you last hunted, but you look like you need it.”

“Don’t want to,” Rosalie muttered petulantly.

“Right,” Emmett sighed. “I’ll be in the workshop.”

He left the room and a few minutes later Rosalie heard the distinct sounds of his tools. She closed her eyes and listened to the sometimes erratic, sometimes rhythmic noise of his work and let time pass around her.

~~~~~

She did eat, eventually. Her hunger compelled her to, and eventually she couldn’t resist any longer.

When Emmett came into the main room wearing a dirty apron and covered in a fine layer of sawdust, he gave her a smug look when he spotted the empty bottle and the drops of blood around her lips and on the collar of her shirt.

She threw the bottle at his head.

“Well at least you’re not a blob anymore,” he said cheerily. “I’ll get you another bottle.”

“Fuck you,” Rosalie spat.

“Love you too,” Emmett said, leaving the room for a moment before coming back with another large bottle of blood.

Rosalie immediately snatched it out of his hand and drained the whole thing as fast as she could.

He watched her drink, crossing his arms. She threw the bottle at his head again when she was done, and he didn’t even blink as it bonked harmlessly off his head before bouncing under a chair. She threw herself back onto the couch and pulled the blanket over her head.

“So I’m guessing you don’t want to talk about it yet?” he asked.

Rosalie stuck her hand out from under the blanket and showed him one of her fingers.

“Right. Well, I brought a bunch of your comfortable clothes. There’s a fresh set for you in the bathroom, and you can take a bath. Be careful though, the water heater we were able to fit in here only has so much capacity and the main pump uses well-water, so there’s only so much hot water.”

He left the room after that.

Rosalie waited until she heard the sound of his tools start back up again before she sat up and crept through the hallways. She found the bathroom and ran a scalding hot bath, using up all the hot water. She scrubbed off all the dirt and grime and blood before running a new bath, this one just for her to soak in for a while until all the heat had dissipated.

She put on the set of clean clothes that Emmett had brought before going back to the couch and laying back down, pulling the blanket over her head and allowing time to simply pass again.

~~~~~

“Merry Christmas,” Emmett said, several days after Christmas. He tossed a large trash bag in front of the couch. “These are all for you.”

It was December 30^th , according to the calendar on the wall that Emmett marked with an ‘x’ for each day that passed.

He had started leaving Rosalie alone in the cabin for most of the day, running back to Forks to go to school and socialize with the family. She didn’t ask but somehow Rosalie knew that Emmett hadn’t told them where she was, or that he even knew anything about what had happened to her.

But they must know that if anyone would know where she was or how to find her, it would be him. So of course they gave him the presents and letters for her.

“I don’t want them,” she muttered, curling up further on the couch.

She had graduated from simply laying there facing the cushions to laying on her back with a book in her face blocking her view of everything. Emmett had stocked the cabin with plenty of her favorites, and for Christmas he had given her a bunch of new ones she hadn’t read yet.

He shrugged.

“Don’t really care. I’m just giving them to you, you can do whatever you want with them. I’ll be in the workshop.”

He left the room, and Rosalie slowly lowered the book from her face.

Once again she waited until she heard the sounds of his tools.

Then, she opened up the bag and found it to be full of several wrapped presents and a small pile of envelopes held together with a rubber band. She took the envelopes first and looked at them. Each envelope had her name on it, as well as the name of who it was from.

There were five.

One each from Esme and Carlisle.

One from Jasper.

And two that surprised her.

Alice’s name was missing, which wasn’t a surprise. Emmett’s was missing as well, which also wasn’t a surprise, because he had already given her his letter and present.

No, the first envelope that surprised her had the name Edward in the corner, in his spidery, thin handwriting.

And the second...was from Bella.

She opened the ones from her parents first.

Carlisle’s was stiff and formal, as she had come to expect from him, but it was also surprisingly warm. He expressed a bit of disappointment that Rosalie wasn’t there to celebrate with them this year, but that he understood she was going through some difficulties and needed time alone. He then said that she would be welcomed back whenever she was ready, and to remember that she was loved.

She put the letter on the coffee table.

Esme’s letter was similarly structured, but with a more motherly tone. There was a paragraph of fierce scolding about leaving and upsetting Bella like that, which made Rosalie wince, but there was a distinct lack of details. That caught Rosalie by surprise. Had Bella and Alice not disclosed what actually happened that night?

Rosalie was certain that if they had, Esme would have had...quite a bit more to say.

She carefully placed her letter next to Carlisle’s and picked up Jasper’s.

His was simple, and short.

He was sad that she wasn’t around. He said that at first he was confused as to why she left and what happened, but then after thinking about it, he thinks he understands now. He isn’t happy with her, but he understands and hopes she comes home soon.

Jasper wrote at the end; “No matter what happened or happens, you will always be my twin sister in all but blood. I love you.”

She set it on the coffee table next to Carlisle’s and Esme’s.

Then…

Rosalie briefly considered the other two. On the one hand, a small part of her did want to read them. For curiosity’s sake, if nothing else. But another, much larger part of her, wanted to set them on fire.

She thought about it for a moment.

Ultimately, she did not set them on fire.

Instead, after thirty minutes of deliberating, she opened Edward’s letter first.

~~~

Rosalie,

I understand that you, of all our family, have the least desire to hear from me. But it is Christmas and though I find myself at odds with all of you right now, you are still my family and I am still thinking of you today.

I find myself reminiscing of times past today, a bitter nostalgia that is entirely unwelcome but has made its nest in my mind regardless.

You and I have never seen eye to eye, and looking back, I begin to see that perhaps I have been at fault for more than one of the reasons why.

My time away from the family has been full of questions, for myself, for the world.

I still believe Bella to be my mate. Regardless of what all of you say.

But I wonder if, perhaps, I was too hasty in my actions. Too quick to anger, too eager to make things happen faster.

I do not know.

I am not used to feeling this type of self-doubt, and it is deeply unsettling. I know you and I have never been much for heart-to-hearts, with anyone let alone with each other, but it is perhaps because of this fact that I feel that you will understand me more than the others.

I never wanted to believe myself a bad person. I always want to believe I am doing the right thing for our family, to keep us safe. I believed I was doing the right thing for me and for Bella, for us to be happy.

Yet, with everyone against me, I find myself pondering the dreadful idea that I might have been...wrong.

A concept that sits like molasses in my soul.

I still, ultimately, believe I am right in my thoughts. But I suppose there is something to be said about my actions.

Ah, well. I believe I’ve started to ramble, and if I know you half as well as I think I do, by the time you reach this sentence you will have contemplated burning this letter at least four times and if you do manage to reach this point, I would hope to thank you for indulging me and not following through with those urges.

I hope to return home soon, with cooler heads all around and hope for a second chance with Bella.

Sincerely yours, your brother,

Edward Cullen

~~~~~

Rosalie...did not quite know what to think of all that.

She at first felt a flash of irritation when he mentioned how many times she would have thought about setting the letter on fire. Mostly because he was right and it irritated her that Edward could know her well enough to guess anything correctly about her in the first place.

But she also felt an uncomfortable twist in her stomach, and a creeping chill down her spine.

Edward’s letter resonated with her a bit deeper than she would have ever cared to admit, and she once again felt an urge to light it ablaze. As if burning his words would erase the affect they had on her, erase the thoughts they were pulling from her mind.

Rosalie bit her lip and squeezed her fist, crumpling the corner of the letter slightly. And then she slowly placed it next to Jasper’s before turning to the final one.

This one, she really didn’t want to open.

Alice’s words rang loudly in the back of her head, causing her eyes to sting and her stomach to continue twisting itself into knots. Somehow she knew, through a combination of Alice’s words and her own gut feelings, that there would be no heat or anger or venom within that envelope.

That wasn’t like Bella.

And, in some ways, that only made the thought of opening it feel worse.

It would almost be better if Bella hated her now. It would feel...almost freeing, because Rosalie could stop trying so hard to keep her away from her. She would simply have to let Bella’s own feelings do the work for her.

She set the envelope aside and pulled out the presents.

Quietly, so Emmett wouldn’t hear her over his loud tool work, she peeled the paper off of each present one by one.

Carlisle and Esme had gotten her a new record player and a set of vinyls of her favorite albums. She smiled softly and set the gift aside, feeling excited to try it out later despite the dread and discomfort that was dominating her emotions at the moment.

Jasper had gotten her a Polaroid instant camera and several boxes of film, with a little note inside. On it was more of Jasper’s handwriting, expressing that he had heard Rosalie complain enough times about seeing something that would make a perfect picture and not being able to capture it; and while he knew nothing about photography, that this was the nicest camera in the store according to the very eager and helpful employee he had spoken with.

There was also a P.S. at the bottom of the note, squished in with very tiny handwriting.

“This gift is from Alice too. She’s still angry at you, but she came with me to buy the camera and put a few extra boxes of some special kind of film on the counter when she thought I wasn’t looking.”

Rosalie felt a cool knife in her stomach in the shape of Alice’s words, and she let out a soft exhale.

There was a small gift from Edward, too. A slim package wrapped in plain, brown paper.

Rosalie carefully opened it.

Inside was a...small leather jacket? Rosalie frowned and held it up, and a note fell out of it. She picked it up and read it.

“If I recall correctly, one of your bears needs a new jacket after one of Emmett’s ‘pranks’ went a bit out of hand and ruined one of them. I believe this will suit them. I took the measurements months ago.”

She blinked.

Every year, Edward would seemingly set aside their animosity and get her a Christmas gift and write her a letter the same way he did for the rest of the family. But normally they were small. Simple, and nondescript. Almost token.

But every once in a while Christmas would be a stark reminder that no matter how much acid she and Edward threw at each other, no matter how many times they butted heads, Edward loved her as family. Somewhere beneath the chauvinistic, prideful, arrogant prick that dominated his outer personality, he genuinely did care about her.

And once in a while he would do something like this.

The only other member of her family that knew how special her bears were to her was Emmett, which was why they were the target of occasional silly pranks. He knew it would get a good reaction out of her, because they were important, but he never (intentionally) did anything too risky to them. It was always something silly.

Rosalie was always sure the rest of the family just thought the bears were something she happened to accumulate over the years.

But Edward always had a knack for occasionally knowing just how deep a cut could go, for better or for worse. Whether or not he meant for it to be positive or negative would vary, but he could be uncannily perceptive when he wanted to be and his idiocy wasn’t getting in the way.

There was a gift from Bella, too, and like the letter Rosalie couldn’t bring herself to open it.

She put the envelope on top of the wrapped box and bit her lip. She couldn’t just...throw them away.

So instead she looked around the room, looking for a place to put them when...ah. There. That would work.

Walking over towards a corner of the room where she had noticed a slightly out of place floorboard, she tapped it with her foot. When it wobbled slightly she huffed triumphantly and bent over to pry it up. Carefully, so she didn’t crack or break it.

She put the envelope and the present back in the bag and wrapped the plastic carefully around them before tucking the package underneath the floor, pressing the board back into place on top of it. It still wobbled slightly when she tapped on it, but otherwise didn’t look disturbed at all.

Nodding to herself in satisfaction she went back to the couch and began looking at the albums her parents had gotten her vinyls of. Emmett came into the room about an hour later, smiling when he heard the music and saw Rosalie sitting up properly for once, humming along to the music as it played.

“Feel better?” he asked.

She shrugged.

“Wanna talk about it yet?” he asked.

She flipped him off.

“Kay,” he said, looking at the letters on the coffee table. After a moment, he frowned. “Where’s Bella’s letter? She wrote you one too, didn’t she? It’s why I took a few more days to get the stuff to you, she...wasn’t done until last night.”

Rosalie paused for a moment.

“I burned it,” she said shortly.

Emmett just stared at her for a long few minutes, during which she refused to meet his gaze. Eventually he just sighed and left the room, saying nothing.

Rosalie scowled and turned the volume of the record player higher.

She didn’t need his judgment.

She didn’t need anyone’s judgment.

Rosalie had only done what she had to do. What was necessary. What was best for both of them.

For everyone.

~~~~~

Bella’s letter whispered tauntingly at her from underneath the floorboards. Day in and day out Rosalie would feel drawn to it, but she refused. Refused to open it, read it, acknowledge its very existence. Yet, at the same time, she couldn’t get rid of it either. So she tried to put it out of her mind and busied herself with other thoughts.

She briefly debated leaving the cabin, and perhaps the country entirely, going to Alaska to see the Denali’s or go off on her own again somewhere. She could go to Paris. Or Tokyo. Hong Kong, perhaps, or Cairo. She hadn’t been to Cairo in a long time. Rosalie drifted off into her own thoughts for a while, debating the merits of various possible destinations, but she ended up discarding all of them for various reasons.

And if those reasons were all suspiciously flimsy and something in her gut was telling her she knew full well she wasn’t going anywhere and she knew exactly the reason why, Rosalie simply ignored it. She ignored all of it.

Just like she ignored the letter.

~~~~~

New Years came and went.

Rosalie was alone when midnight struck.

She spent the night looking out the window, sitting on an uncomfortable wooden chair and reading by a lamp. Trying to read, anyway.

It was difficult when Rosalie’s body kept trying to rock the chair she was sitting in to no avail, and when she kept finding herself irritated with the subpar lighting for nighttime reading. Then she would scowl angrily at herself for thinking of that and double her focus on the book, only for it to happen again and again until she would snap the book closed out of frustration and go for a walk to clear her head, and possibly break a few rocks.

This is what happened a week after New Years, on January 7 ^th , and Rosalie was out in the woods when she smelled him.

She froze up and growled, casting her eyes around her.

“I’m not here to fight,” came the cautious words. “I’m just here to talk. That’s all.”

A moment later Edward Cullen emerged into her line of sight, his hands held up in the air. She lowered her guard, but only slightly, her lips still curled in a quiet snarl as she glared him down. He met her eyes impassively, nostrils flaring.

“You stopped watching her,” he said after a few moments of silence.

“What’s it to you!?” Rosalie snapped.

“Alice is with her at night now,” he continued, as if Rosalie hadn’t spoken. “The first few nights I was there I admit listening in a few times to the conversations you would have with her. I was jealous, and more than once I had to hold myself back from simply bursting into the room and hurling you out of it for daring to speak so familiarly to her.”

Rosalie growled and Edward simply raised a single eyebrow, crossing his arms.

“Are you quite finished?” he eventually asked, his tone acerbic and taunting. Rosalie spat at him and he huffed. “Anyway, Alice has been sitting her at night since you left, which by the by I find this whole thing quite insulting. I’m not going to hurt her you all realize, yes? I just want to speak with her and I have no idea why none of you will let me.”

“Bite me, Edward,” Rosalie spat.

“I think not,” he sniffed. “You would most likely taste awful, with all the poison you’ve built up in your veins over the years of being a quite horrid bitch. Now where was I…”

Rosalie hissed at him again but he paid her no mind, which was starting to piss her off.

“Ah, yes, Alice and Bella. It’s strange, you see. I wasn’t there, the night you apparently abandoned her, so I don’t know exactly what happened but I have a good guess. I actually haven’t been near her at all since, oh, the second or third night of you watching her because I’m not stupid. I know I won’t get within a foot of her if you’re nearby. But I went back two days ago, to...well, I suppose to test my luck if anything.”

Rosalie half-contemplated just walking away, but something kept her feet still. She wanted to hear where Edward was going with this.

“Bella...Bella doesn’t sound quite right ,” he said slowly, his face creased with confusion. “She won’t speak in full sentences and Alice can barely prompt a weak laugh out of her, even when she does that thing? With the silly voices, and the impressions? You know what I’m talking about. And I can’t help but compare...the way she sounds now, to the way she sounded before, with... you, of all people.”

Something cold ran down Rosalie’s back and she stiffened.

“So I have to ask…” Edward said coolly, his eyes suddenly narrowing and looking dangerous. “What did you do to my mate?”

“She’s not your mate,” Rosalie spat, feeling a flare of anger in her guts. But decades of her self-discipline around Edward were in full force and she wouldn’t allow herself to finish that thought inside herself. She only focused on Edward and how angry she was that he had the audacity to show his face right now.

“So you say,” Edward said in a cutting tone. “Whether or not that’s true however, I have no desire to see her in pain. And I strongly believe you’ve done something to cause this pain within her, and I demand to know what you did before I decide exactly how to punish you for it.”

“Fuck you Edward,” Rosalie hissed. “ You’re the one who started this. You hurt her first. You and your stupid obsessions, you scared the shit out of her you realize!?”

Edward grimaced.

“We aren’t talking about me right now,” he said dismissively, but Rosalie could tell by the flicker in his eyes that she had struck a nerve.

“How does it feel?” she demanded, her voice taunting. “To know that you, through your own stupidity , scared the person you think is your mate so badly that she doesn’t even want to see you, let alone speak to you!?”

Edward bared his fangs and squared his shoulders, but he didn’t rise to the bait. Not right away. Instead he took a breath, staring at Rosalie with fire in his eyes.

“I suppose you’d know all about that,” he said after a moment, his voice cold like iron. “She may not be your mate but she clearly felt strongly about you as a friend. I’ve no idea how she came to the conclusion that you were an appropriate or productive target for those feelings. I may not be able to read her thoughts, but I could hear that much in her voice, even in the scant few conversations I listened in on.”

Rosalie winced.

“Yet you abandoned her,” Edward mused, stroking his chin. “I suppose I shouldn’t really be surprised. This is you, after all. But even I didn’t think you could sink this low. I’m impressed, sister.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Rosalie said, her voice low and dangerous. Edward, to his credit, took a step back at that, his face giving away his realization that he had pushed a button too far.

“So you do care about her,” he murmured. “Are you really so vicious that you would do this much damage to yourself and her for what I can only assume is a very, very stupid reason? Do you not see how much pain you cause?”

His voice sounded genuine, as if he were truly surprised and wanting to know. But then his eyes narrowed again.

“Or are you fully aware of it?” he pondered. “Because...frankly, I’m not sure which is worse.”

“I don’t need to take this from you,” Rosalie hissed, turning on her heel and beginning to walk away.

“This isn’t over,” Edward called out. “And Rosalie?”

Rosalie turned around despite herself.

Edward simply looked at her, his hands in his pockets. His lips were pressed into a thin, neutral line, and his eyes were no longer flickering with so much anger. Instead he simply looked...disappointed.

“At least I can admit I was wrong, to cause her pain,” he said quietly. “One day she will see, she will understand that we are mated, and I will apologize to her for my hasty actions and for whatever I did that upset her so. Because unlike you, I do not intend to cause her pain.”

He turned and left after that before Rosalie could reply.

She wanted to run after him.

Wanted to hurt him.

Wanted to break his neck, his arms, his legs, every bone in his damn body.

But she settled instead for simply clenching and unclenching her fist, breathing deeply before bolting off in the opposite direction.

She needed to kill something.

A deer was the first thing that crossed her path and it didn’t even have time to realize it was in danger before it was dead. She made short work of it. Drained it of every last drop of vitae that she could fit in her, cradling its broken, bloody neck in her hands.

When she was almost done an image flashed unbidden into her mind’s eye. An image of Bella, her own neck bloody, broken, and freely spilling her life in Rosalie’s hands. By Rosalie’s hands. Bella’s eyes, dead and haunting, only asked Rosalie one question.

Why?

She shrieked and shoved the deer’s corpse away from her, scrambling backwards until her back hit a tree. Her hands went to her face, smearing blood and fur across her skin as she clawed at her skin, trying to scrape the images away from herself.

But they wouldn’t leave.

That was where Emmett found her a few hours later, covered in dried blood and breathing heavily.

For the next three days, Rosalie couldn’t escape the sounds of Bella’s broken sobs echoing in her ears.

~~~~~

It was nearing the end of January when Rosalie finally spoke about it.

There wasn’t much preamble. She didn’t spend hours building it up to Emmett or working herself up into a panic at the thought of it. Rosalie didn’t even plan to do it, she had thought herself perfectly content never speaking of any of it ever again and keeping it buried deep within herself.

But no.

It simply...happened.

They were sitting in the main room of the cabin together, Rosalie reading and Emmett playing a handheld video game system when the words simply...bubbled out of her throat of their own accord. Without her permission.

And once she started, she couldn’t make herself stop.

“It hurts,” she whispered quietly, keeping her eyes firmly on her book. She wasn’t reading the words and hadn’t been for at least an hour, but she couldn’t move. Couldn’t look up. If she moved it meant she was really here, which meant it was real, which meant she couldn’t talk about it.

But if she stayed perfectly still, kept her eyes fixed firmly on the book, she could pretend for a little while that she was human once more; and this was all merely a dream. She couldn’t hold herself accountable for a dream.

Emmett didn’t reply right away. The little bleeps and bloops continued to come from his handheld for a few moments until eventually they stopped, and he set it down carefully on the coffee table.

“I know,” he said quietly.

“Why does it hurt so much?” she asked, her voice barely audible. Even Emmett had to strain his ears a little to hear her.

He shrugged.

“Couldn’t say,” he murmured softly. “I haven’t met mine yet.”

Rosalie winced.

“You knew?” she asked, too tired to deny it anymore. Her body felt as tense as an industrial spring.

“C’mon, Rose,” Emmett sighed softly. “You know you can’t really hide things like that from me. I know you too well for that. Despite your best efforts.”

Rosalie cringed at that and shrank into herself a little bit from the words, feeling like she had just been lashed across the face. They hurt, twisted in her guts like spears of silver. But she almost reveled in the pain; welcomed it.

It was no less than she deserved. If anything she deserved worse.

“I’m sorry I lied to you before,” she whispered.

“Apology accepted,” Emmett replied. “But I’m not the only one you owe an apology to.”

Rosalie was quiet for a while, not wanting to think about it. Not wanting to admit who it was.

“Alice?” she asked hesitantly.

Emmett nodded.

“That’d be a start yeah. She’s only been trying to help, you know. And...and I know, I know she can be overbearing, I know she can be pushy and doesn’t understand when she’s pushing too hard. She especially doesn’t understand some things about you, but you can’t blame her for that, Rose. You never told her. You don’t talk , really talk, to anyone except me, and even then you still don’t talk as much as you should. You can’t be mad at her for hurting you when you haven’t even told her why she does.”

Rosalie pulled further back into herself.

“But that’s not all. You know that’s not all,” Emmett said quietly.

“Esme is probably furious at me for leaving without saying goodbye,” Rosalie whispered, desperately deflecting. Begging Emmett to not say her name.

“Esme is a bit upset but she mostly just misses you,” Emmett said patiently. “Rose.”

A soft whimper escaped Rosalie’s throat without permission and she squeezed her eyes shut.

“You know who I’m talking about,” Emmett said quietly.

“I can’t,” she said, the words hitching in her throat slightly.

“You’re going to have to someday, or you’ll burn up from the inside out,” Emmett sighed.

“I can’t ,” Rosalie whispered, her voice beginning to tremble along with her hands. The words on the pages in her book began to swim and warp in front of her eyes. “Emmett I can’t. I can’t.”

“You can. It’s not that hard,” he said. “You just go up to her and you say ‘I’m sorry for being a bitch. Do you want me to explain why I was a bitch or do you want to hit me first?’ and you just go from there.”

“Emmett,” Rosalie said, her voice breaking and coming out as a wretched, choked sob. “I can’t. I can’t stop hearing her in my head. I can’t think. I can’t read. I can’t walk or feed or move without hearing her, hearing w-what happened after. It makes me want to rip my own guts out and set myself on fire. I can’t look at her. I can’t look at her face, I can’t, please don’t make me."

Emmett quickly moved over to the couch and wrapped his arms around Rosalie, who pressed herself into his torso and began to openly sob. The dam that she had been building up inside herself for so long properly, truly broke, and it all came spilling out. Every regret, every piece of heartbreak she had caused for herself, every bit of pain that she had paved over with sarcasm and anger.

It was different than her bouts of rage in the forest, it was different than her screams of anguish and pain.

Now she was no longer holding back even to herself, and she finally allowed herself to feel every ounce of pain and longing and desire, and she grieved. She grieved every wasted moment, every lost touch and avoided gaze. She grieved for every time Bella looked at her with confusion and hurt in her eyes, she grieved for every instance she had forcefully torn herself away from her.

Rosalie grieved, and it came out in sobs that shook her whole body, her fist slamming weakly against Emmett’s shoulder.

Her eyes burned with tears that could never come, and she clung weakly to Emmett’s shirt, pressing herself against him. Seeking even an ounce, a scrap, a single drop of the warmth that she had felt that night when Bella hugged her properly for the first time.

“I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do,” Emmett said quietly as he rubbed her back. “But you and I both know that there’s only two ways this ends, and only one of them is happy. And it involves you looking whatever it is inside you that’s keeping you in this cabin in the face, putting it in a place where it can’t hurt you or her anymore, and then...well, apologizing. Apologizing as many times as you need to. And then, doing your best to be better going forward.”

“I can’t,” Rosalie hiccuped through her sobs.

I’ve already ruined everything.

It’s too late.

I’ve ruined it all, and she’ll never look at me the same way again.

“Can’t, or won’t?” Emmett asked quietly, his hand still running gentle circles on her back.

Rosalie didn’t have an answer for that.

She spent the rest of the night crying weakly into Emmett’s chest until she couldn’t move anymore. Rosalie, not for the first time, deeply wished that vampires could sleep.

Instead all she could do was lay down on the couch underneath Emmett’s blanket, staring blankly off into space.

Staring at the floorboard in the corner.

Emmett left a few hours later.

Rosalie was alone.

Slowly, she sat up.

Pushed off the blanket.

And walked over to the corner of the room.

She pried up the floorboard.

Took the bag out.

Took out the still-wrapped present and still-sealed envelope.

Placed them on the coffee table, and sat on the floor.

She wasn’t sure how many hours she spent sitting there staring at them.

But eventually she reached out, and started with the present first.

It was carefully wrapped in a colorful blue-and-red wrapping paper with an assortment of cats and balls of yarn on it. It was closed up with little bits of scotch tape that Rosalie carefully peeled away before unwrapping the paper, taking great care to not tear it any more than absolutely necessary.

Inside was a wooden box, with a lid that slid out of a slot in the top. She recognized Emmett’s handiwork, and felt a curl of warmth in her stomach and a small smile on her lips.

She opened up the box and found…

A small stuffed rabbit.

It had two buttons for eyes, one looking relatively new and one that looked very, very old. It looked as though it might have been white, once, but was now a mottled tan color. It was very worn and had several spots where its ‘fur’ had fallen off, and there were a few small splotchy stains on various places across the cloth. There was no note, nothing to tell her anything about the rabbit.

But it was Bella’s.

She could smell Bella deeply on it, and she tentatively held the rabbit against her chest and closed her eyes, burying her nose in the top of its head and taking a slow inhale. It was a myriad of scents that all blended together into something uniquely Bella, layered with years of history.

Underneath it all was the faint, unmistakable scent of strawberries.

Carefully, Rosalie tucked the rabbit into the collar of her shirt so its head was poking out beneath her chin.

Then she took the envelope.

Her name, written on the back in slightly wobbly cursive.

Bella’s name in the corner, written in the same wobbly cursive.

Slowly, she tore the envelope open just enough to take the letter out. It took up multiple sheets of paper and was written in a loose, slightly shaky handwriting. A few of the pages had little dark spots and with a pang in her chest Rosalie realized they were dried tears.

One deep, slightly shaky breath later, Rosalie began to read.

~~~~~

Hey, you.

Everyone is writing letters and it’s weird. Alice is writing one to Jasper even though she literally sees him every day and lives with him, and apparently she’s going to do one for Esme and Carlisle, for Emmett, for me, for Edward, and...for you.

I guess this is a Cullen tradition of some sort? Handwritten letters for Christmas?

Anyway, Alice said I should participate if I wanted to, although I’m exempt from having to write a letter to Edward. He might write one to me though, which I’m not really looking forward to, but Alice says if he does I should read it.

She says that the letters are private, and that they’re for saying things you might not say otherwise. That when you spend an immortal life with people, after a few decades, you need a way to communicate that isn’t so...direct.

I suppose that makes sense. It’s kind of sweet, actually.

I started with her first. It was the easiest. I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you what I put in someone else’s letter? So I won’t do that. But I met her first, so it only felt right to make her letter first.

Then I did Jasper, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle, in that order.

And now I’m writing one for you, and I feel really...stuck.

Part of me wants to wring your neck and ask you what your deal is, and part of me wants to hug you so tightly that we become one organism and you can’t get away from me again. Is that weird? It feels weird. But I talked about it with Alice a little bit, and she’s being really dodgy about something but she’s insisting it isn’t weird at all.

I think I know what she’s avoiding telling me. And to be honest?

I’m really mad at her.

I haven’t said anything yet, because she’s honestly been the only thing really keeping me sane right now. She’s taken over night-watch duty although I don’t let her sit in your chair.

Actually she wanted to wreck it, but I didn’t let her do that either. She’s REALLY mad at you.

That’s the other reason I think I know what she’s talking about.

And why I’m mad.

I told you that I was really tired of people making decisions for me. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t get to make my own choices, that everything about my own damn life is out of my control. If Alice is avoiding telling me what I think she is, it’s just another thing in a long line of things people are doing because they THINK they know what’s best for me.

I get it that she didn’t tell me like, right away. That would’ve been weird. Too weird.

But she had no excuse after the big reveal, and, frankly, if I’m right, neither do you.

I’m a lot less mad at you though.

I shouldn’t be. Intellectually, I know I should actually be more mad at you. But I’m not, and I’m not gonna act mad just because I SHOULD be. That’s dumb and I won’t do it.

Because, honestly, I get it.

You’re not as subtle as you think you are, Rosalie Hale, and I’ve been through too much of my own shit to not recognize it in someone else.

You’re scared.

You’re scared as shit, and you’re lashing out because you think you’re safer alone, you think if you keep everyone at arm’s length they can’t hurt you, you think that everyone’s life would be better if you just disappeared one day and never came back.

No, I’m not a mind reader.

I just know what you’re thinking because I used to think the same things.

So I get it.

I’ve been there, and because I’ve been there and I know what it’s like, it’d be extremely hypocritical of me to judge you for it.

That doesn’t mean I’m not upset. I am upset. I’m really upset that you left, it hurts and I keep having panic attacks that I can’t explain where they’re coming from. I feel like there’s a fish-hook in my stomach dragging me behind a pickup truck going Mach Jesus down the highway, and it feels like shit.

And I’m really fucking pissed at Alice for keeping it from me.

I know she was trying to respect you and your wishes, but if I’m right, there’s TWO people involved in this shit and I’m not lesser than you just because I’m a human. I should have known, I DESERVED to know.

I mean, I guess I could still be wrong, in which case you can feel free to beat me up. Uh, after I’m turned though, so I don’t die. That’d be preferable.

Anyway. Continuing with the assumption that I am right, which I’m like ninety-nine percent sure on, I’m not mad at you. I understand where you’re coming from too much to be mad at you. I’m hurting and I’m sad and upset, but I’m not mad and I just want to fix this.

At first I was kind of angry, I guess. Not at you but at the entire concept.

Fate sucks. I don’t like people making choices for me, and this feels kinda like that.

But then I thought about it a bit more and I think maybe I was thinking about it from the wrong angle. It’s not really a choice being taken away from me. Like, yeah, I suppose I COULD be mad that I don’t get to “choose” who I’ll spend the rest of my life with, but...then I thought about it.

And, like, let’s be real, WHO exactly am I choosing here?

I really thought about it.

Who would I even choose over you? If I had the option to do so?

If I could say ‘fuck this’ and have it not affect me anymore, and I had the ability to ‘make my own choice’, who exactly am I choosing?

I asked myself that question over and over again. I kept telling myself that there’d be SOMEONE, but eventually I realized I was kinda just insisting to myself that there had to be another choice more on principle than actual belief.

Deep down, there isn’t really another choice.

I know I don’t know you very well yet, but I know enough to know that I don’t want to choose anyone else.

You’re strong. I don’t know what you went through, but nobody behaves like we do without some serious shit behind it and underneath it all. And the fact that you managed to even get here in the first place means you’re strong.

You’re really pretty. That’s really superficial of me and I’m probably biased, but it’s worth mentioning.

You’re the funniest person I’ve ever met. Alice is silly and Jasper has this really dry humor I like, and Emmett is goofy and Esme is cheeky, but you’re FUNNY in this absolutely wicked, cutting way that I think is really wonderful.

You’re playful. You’ll probably want to choke me for saying so, but you are and I’m not taking it back. You like to banter with me and throw stuff back and forth.

You actually listen to me. When you aren’t letting your own nonsense get in the way, I feel like you (and Jasper) are the only people who have ever REALLY listened to me.

I could go on but I think I’ll stop there. You get the point.

Even if I had the option to do so, I don’t want to choose someone else.

So there isn’t a choice being taken away from me, I’m not losing any freedom or being stifled or forced into something. Because there wouldn’t really be a choice to be made in the first place, and having a choice just for the sake of it is...silly and childish.

Anyway.

You already got your proper gift, which is ready for you whenever you want to come back, but Emmett said I should give you something to go with the letter anyway. He even made me a cool little box to put something in when I asked, isn’t that neat? He’s really smart. I know he doesn’t think so, but I couldn’t do half the cool stuff he does with his games or his hands.

So I thought about it and I decided to give you an olive branch, so to speak.

You get temporary custody of Mister Bun.

(I was four, okay?)

Mister Bun has been around the block a bit, and he’s seen it all with me and knows all my dirty secrets. I don’t think he’ll tell you (because he doesn’t have a tongue or the capacity to speak English) but you’ll learn them all eventually I think.

But he was with me through the hardest part of my life, where my head was in a place very similar to where I think yours is now. You can think of Mister Bun as a little extension of me, and you can tell him what you’re thinking and feeling and he’ll help you figure it all out.

My therapist called it ‘rubber-ducking’. Apparently it’s a thing.

Okay.

This is already really long so I should probably wrap it up.

I don’t know when you’ll read this. If I had to guess you’ll probably look at my name and not even think about opening the letter, and I’m gonna cross my fingers really hard and hope you don’t just set it on fire.

But assuming you do read this eventually and you got all the way through it to here, let me make one thing abundantly clear:

You are not broken. You are deserving of love. You are deserving of people who care about you. Being alone isn’t better. Being alone fucking sucks, actually. And when you eventually come back, I might smack you a little bit but after that I’m gonna hug you (you can’t stop me) and I will tell you these things over and over again as many times as you need me to.

Okay?

Cool.

Sincerely,

From,

Your friend,

Forever yours,

Bella Swan

(Honorary Hale, according to your twin brother. But I told him I can’t call myself that until you and I do it properly.)

P.S. - I’m not actually going to smack you. That was a joke. And probably one in very bad taste. Sorry about that.

P.P.S. - Oh, uh, also Mister Bun has a bit of a problem where sometimes the stitches around his butt fail and his stuffing comes out. If that happens it’s okay, don’t freak out, just uh, put his butt back in him and do your best to stitch him back up and I’ll fix him properly later.

P.P.P.S. - In case this wasn’t obvious, I really, really like you. Just thought you should know that.

~~~~~

When Emmett returned he found Rosalie still sitting on the floor with Mister Bun propped up against the wooden box, sitting in front of her face on the coffee table. Rosalie’s arms were crossed on the table and her chin was resting on her hands, and she was looking contemplatively into the face of the stuffed rabbit.

Bella’s letter was on the table next to her, each page next to each other in order. She had read through it so many times now that she had lost count, and was now looking at Mister Bun trying to organize the whirlwind of thoughts going through her mind.

It was like a hurricane.

Rosalie’s thoughts, on some level, had always felt like a hurricane.

But for the first time in a very, very long time, Rosalie felt eerily calm. Like she was in the eye of the storm. She could see it all around her, still powerful and angry and whirling with fury and anger and hate and pain.

Yet, at this moment, she felt...peaceful. It was a tense, wary peace, and she knew that it could fail at any minute, and what she would have to do to maintain it was...intimidating, to say the least. But it was still peace, and Emmett could see it on her face.

“I knew you didn’t really burn it,” Emmett chuckled, sitting on the floor next to her.

“Shut up,” she mumbled.

“So…?” Emmett asked carefully.

Rosalie was quiet for a few minutes.

“I don’t know,” she admitted quietly, not taking her eyes away from the rabbit. “It’s too much. All of it. It’s...too much, and I need to think. I need time.”

Emmett nodded.

“Well if there’s anything we have in abundance it’s that,” he chuckled wearily.

They were quiet for a few more minutes until Rosalie spoke again.

“Is she…?” she asked hesitantly, cutting herself off.

“She’s not walking around like a zombie anymore,” Emmett said, rubbing the back of his head. “Actually, she smiled at me for real today. Which was cool! We played Zelda together.”

Rosalie frowned.

“Isn’t that one singleplayer?” she asked.

“Well, I was controlling the game,” Emmett explained, chuckling. “But she sat with me and watched. Asked a bunch of questions. Apparently she’s never played Zelda before which I think is really sad, and I offered to let her play but she said she has more fun watching me.”

Rosalie nodded and went quiet again, and the two of them sat in companionable silence.

“I’m very stupid, aren’t I?” she asked quietly. It was a few hours later, and she and Emmett were still sitting together.

She hadn’t taken her eyes off the rabbit once.

“Uh, well, stupid isn’t the word I would use,” Emmett said slowly. “I uh, I wouldn’t exactly say you made...smart...decisions, but. Well...you did the best you could with...with what you had. And what you had wasn’t really...equipped for uh, this, I guess.”

Rosalie nodded hesitantly.

“What if…” she began, stopping and starting as she thought over her words carefully. “What if...I still don’t ...have...anything that’s – that’s equipped for... this ,” she continued slowly. “But...but I still, maybe... maybe . Maybe want...to try…?”

Emmett smiled wider than she’d seen in a while and he clapped her shoulder enthusiastically.

“Then you talk,” he said firmly. “You talk about it and you ask for help. You talk it out, work yourself through it until you feel like you are equipped for it. And then you just go do it . It’ll be scary and you’ll probably never really feel ready , and you’ll want to back out a bajillion times in the process but you just have to keep moving forward. Until it’s done. And then keep moving forward after that.”

Rosalie took a deep breath and rolled the words around in her mind.

Eventually she let out a soft sigh and reached out for Mister Bun, picking him up and tucking him back into her shirt collar. She wrapped her arms around him and tilted her head forward, pressing her forehead into the top of Mister Bun.

“You know,” she mumbled quietly. “You really are smart.”

Emmett grinned.

“Y’know, it’s funny. There’s this other girl I know that keeps telling me the same thing, and I just might be starting to believe her,” he said, laughing.

“Oh?” Rosalie asked quietly, her own lips turning up at the corners slightly. “What’s her name? What’s she like?”

Emmett laughed again, softer this time, and reached over to stroke his hand through Rosalie’s hair.

“Well,” he started, his voice gentle. “She’s a real sweetheart. Always has a nice thing to say to everyone. She always does her best to listen when you talk, and she hates it when people put themselves down. She’s clever as all hell and impossible to predict on one hand, but she’s also one of the most reliable persons I’ve ever met. She’s also funny, and has the biggest heart out of anyone I’ve ever met.”

“She sounds pretty great,” Rosalie said weakly.

“I like to think so,” Emmett said quietly. “I think you two would get along.”

“Yeah?” Rosalie whispered.

Emmett nodded.

Rosalie took a deep, deep breath. She could still smell Bella on Mister Bun.

“Okay,” she exhaled. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Emmett asked, grinning.

“Okay,” Rosalie repeated with a nod, her voice much firmer now. “Okay.”

Emmett stood up and held out his hand. Rosalie looked at it for a moment before grasping it, allowing herself to be pulled to her feet.

“Okay then,” Emmett said, patting her shoulder. “What do you want to do?”

Rosalie looked at him, her eyes hard and steely, but no longer with the edge of anger they used to hold. Now, she just looked determined. Driven.

Unstoppable.

“I want…” Rosalie said slowly. The words were harder to say than she expected, and she had to close her eyes for a moment and take another deep breath. “I want...your help.”

Emmett smiled wider.

“Anything,” he said sincerely.

“Help me...help me make it up to her. Help me fix it. Help me make it better. Help me…” Rosalie said, taking one more deep breath. Her eyes were still closed.

This was it.

No going back.

She was going to say it, out loud, and then it would be true forever.

She couldn’t hide anymore.

This time, instead of her heart making one final effort, it was the Rosalie from Bella’s bedroom that night, telling her to shut up and stop talking. That she could still keep it up. Still keep herself safe. She didn’t have to do this.

This time, instead of wrapping steel around her heart, Rosalie crushed the other part of her in her fist.

This time, Rosalie listened to the right part of her.

“Help me...help me get my mate back,” she said, her eyes flying open.

Emmett’s grin was practically glowing.

“Alright,” he said, lightly punching Rosalie’s shoulder. “Let’s get started.”

Notes:

Double update....TWO! It's nice having two chapters already written and ready to go, and frankly I just couldn't wait to show you guys this one. We're really really starting to make progress and I'm SO excited to keep going you have NO idea. I have SO many cool ideas and cool plot points to come that I cannot WAIT for, and I hope you guys all start getting excited too.

Oh and also: This is effectively the END of the real angst between Rosalie and Bella. I always picture Rosalie as someone who doesn't half-ass things, and once she's fully accepted her feelings, she's going to go FULL FUCKING PEDAL TO THE METAL about them. If anything, these two are going to trend in the total OPPOSITE direction now and become one of those weirdly codependent couples that get actual separation anxiety when being apart from each other. Which will only get *so much worse* once Bella is turned XD

But yeah if you were worried about Rose continuing to self-destruct after this point, don't be. This is her last hurrah of trying to pre-emptively ruin things before they "inevitably get ruined anyway". Which, if that wasn't clear from the subtext of the actual chapter, that's sort of what's happening and what Rosalie was trying to convey with the scorpion and the frog fable (which is a real fable btw! that's my own personal retelling of it but it's a real thing!), she, at the beginning of the chapter, genuinely and *truly* believes that her causing Bella pain is *inevitable*. She doesn't see it as "if I simply choose not to do this, Bella won't get hurt and we can be happy", she can't fathom that concept. She believes that the pain is inevitable, and the longer it takes to happen, the worse it will hurt. So because one of Rosalie's deepest fears is a loss of control, she decides to take that control back and make the active choice to hurt Bella *now* before things get too deep/invested, to spare her greater pain *later*.

Obviously this is incredibly flawed thinking, the fable of the scorpion and the frog is notoriously and infamously panned for its skewed morals and completely asinine assumptions about human nature, but that's the entire POINT. Rosalie's thinking IS FLAWED and this chapter is her OVERCOMING that flawed thinking. By the end of the chapter, after reading Bella's letter and thinking about Edward's words and spending time with Emmett, Rosalie realizes just how *stupid* she's been. And while she's still afraid that she is fundamentally a broken and toxic person, Edward's words really put a boot up her ass about how *shitty* it was of her to *intentionally cause Bella pain*, no matter her motivations.

There will still be STRUGGLES for Rosalie and Bella to overcome, there will still be a lot of mental barriers that Rosalie needs to get through, but she isn't going to blow things up on purpose anymore and *intentionally* hurt/push away Bella. Edward puts it into perspective that as long as Rosalie is *trying* it will always be better to stay, even if she *does* hurt Bella, unintentional hurt is something that can be worked through and managed. And, well, she doesn't want to put herself on a lower pedestal than *EDWARD*.

Anyway.

So.

Two chapters remain in Act One.

Rosalie has accepted her feelings within herself, but will Bella truly forgive her as easily as her letter implies? What will she and Emmett plan to make it up to her? And what's been happening between Bella and Alice in the meantime?

Find out next chapter, when we return to Bella's perspective and see how she's been handling things...and we see one of Alice's visions manifest, one she's been dreading...one that has been a spectre in her mind since Bella's arrival~

Love y'all~

Chapter 15: Where Was The Grace When I Was Asking For It?

Summary:

Bella is left hurting and heartbroken after Rosalie leaves, and throws herself into learning how to use her gift to distract herself. It works at first but Bella cannot avoid the thoughts of Rosalie forever and when she sits down and dedicates some time to sorting everything out, comes to conclusions that are, in hindsight, painfully obvious, but only open up new questions. What happens next between her and Rosalie if their connection is what Bella suspects it is? And, most importantly, has Alice known the whole time?

When she confronts Alice about this fact, Bella and Alice both learn far more than they bargained for out of the interaction...

The first night, Bella was practically inconsolable. She felt raw and bruised all over, as if she had just found herself in the pathway of a bull. Trampled, battered, broken. The only thing she was capable of doing was keeping quiet enough to not disturb Charlie as she sobbed into her pillow until she fell asleep.

As Rosalie ran, Bella could practically feel something inside her being torn away. It ripped and screamed and pulled, and it felt like she was a doll being torn apart at the seams. She vomited several times throughout the night, with Alice holding a bin for her and keeping her hair back.

Alice.

If the little pixie of a Cullen had been attached to Bella beforehand, she was practically joined at the hip now. There was no school until the start of January because of winter break but she insisted on taking Bella out every day and not letting her stagnate, took Bella home, and was barely able to leave her side for long enough to keep up the charade to Charlie that she was actually coming and going at all.

Bella was grateful.

Alice kept her grounded, stable.

Jasper helped.

After the first few nights where Bella could barely function, brushing everything off to Charlie as ‘a really bad week’, Bella started pushing herself more into her gift. Jasper, having experience with teaching newborns how to use their own gifts, figured teaching a human couldn’t be that different and volunteered his assistance.

Soon he was joining Alice in taking Bella home, regardless of how Charlie thought about things. But Bella’s words to him that first time he had met Jasper seem to have stuck, and while it was clear Charlie was still wary, he would greet Jasper with a respectful nod and kept his nose out of their business.

Alice was still the only one allowed to take an actual night watch, but Bella spent many afternoons sandwiched between the two of them on her bed watching movies, once she had gotten a better grip on her gift.

Turns out when she wasn’t in a literal life-threatening situation, it was a bit harder to grasp. But working on the gift with Jasper helped to soothe over the rough edges of her emotions and she welcomed his presence, growing closer to him every day.

Bella worked tirelessly at it. At first Jasper was only able to get dull feelings from her, and she wasn’t able to feel his thread again to properly grab it. She practiced and practiced, toyed with her gift like putty, until something else clicked and she rambled to Jasper about it one afternoon.

~~~

“It’s string. Or, threads. Like for sewing,” Bella started to babble. She was sitting with crossed legs on the floor across from Jasper, with Alice perched on the edge of her bed. “When you reach out to me, it’s a single thread. Very fine and hard for me to see. But my own gift is like...thousands, tens and hundreds of thousands of them, all around me.”

Jasper nodded and Alice looked extremely intrigued.

“When your thread...touches mine, mine reject yours. It like, bounces off? Or like, slips. Depends on how hard you uh, shove it at me I guess,” Bella said, frowning. “But it deflects away off my threads. That’s what it used to do. Now, it still bounces off, but I have enough control that when I can focus specifically on letting you in, your thread is able to touch me just a little before it does.”

“Makes sense,” Jasper said slowly. He was sitting about three feet away from Bella, which was irritating. Bella had never thought of herself as a particularly touchy-feely sort of person, but Alice’s dogged determination to push herself into Bella’s personal space had seemingly woken something up in her, and after that day in the classroom with Jasper she had really been wanting to give him another hug too.

But without her being able to grab onto his gift and help him, he still couldn’t be closer than a few feet without really testing his self-control, and Bella couldn’t touch him at all without risking him losing it completely.

It just made her all the more determined to properly control her gift.

“When I isolated you, before, I spun my threads around your gift. So your one thread kind of…” Bella frowned, wobbling her hands in the air as she gesticulated, trying to find the right words. “Bounced? Around? And could only really get me. I’m not entirely sure why it blocked the passive effect too, actually, since I was only isolating your active uh...probe? But I think maybe I went overboard with what I did with the probe, and maybe covered the rest of you too. I think. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Jasper’s crooked smile was plain to see as Alice giggled at Bella’s rambling, and Bella pouted.

“No, keep going,” Alice said softly, encouragingly. This was the most Bella had spoken since That Night, but she didn’t know how long she could keep it up. She was already getting tired.

“I still don’t understand everything about it,” Bella grumbled, rubbing the sides of her head. “Because I know you guys say I’m a shield, but I don’t feel like a shield.”

Jasper frowned.

“What do you mean?” he asked curiously.

Bella paused as she tried to find the correct way to explain it.

“Okay so...so what’s the purpose of a shield?” she asked.

“To block something?” Alice asked.

“Too generic,” Bella said, shaking her head. “What makes a shield a shield versus, say, a wall?”

“A shield protects something vulnerable from something dangerous, like armor,” Jasper injected. “It’s specifically built to take a hit.”

Bella nodded.

“Right. A shield is something in between something vulnerable and something dangerous. Like a firewall in a computer system, or the way sunscreen blocks out UV rays. A shield…” Bella huffed. She stood up and grabbed a big textbook, handing it to Jasper. “Pretend that’s a shield.”

He looked very confused but he acquiesced, holding it up in front of him.

Bella punched it.

Not very hard, but enough to make a small thunk sound.

“A shield...absorbs and redistributes an impact. It just blocks it, it doesn’t do anything else,” Bella said slowly. “You can put it down now.”

Jasper chuckled and put the book down.

“So what’s the problem? Isn’t that what you’re doing?” Alice asked, frowning.

Bella shook her head.

“Now that I can feel it? No. That’s not really what’s happening. If Jasper tries to like, spike me with an emotion, my gift doesn’t absorb it or block it the way a shield does. It...deflects it.”

“That’s just another word for the same thing,” Alice grumbled.

Bella grimaced and wobbled her hand.

“Not really. A shield has to like...absorb the kinetic energy of whatever hits it, right? So while something might bounce off a shield, it still absorbs the impact and the bounce has a lot less force behind it. But, and I mean obviously magic doesn’t have kinetic energy in the first place, but to me a magical shield would do something similar. It would absorb the impact and the energy of the, uh, attack? And make it ineffectual.”

Jasper snapped his fingers.

“And that’s not happening with your gift. When I try and throw something at you, you’re saying when it bounces off your gift it doesn’t lose any potency. You aren’t nullifying my attack, you’re just...rejecting it.”

“Exactly!” Bella said, nodding harder. “So while my gift serves the purpose of shielding me the way it’s um, set up right now, the inherent purpose of it doesn’t feel like a shield. Does that make sense?”

“I still think you’re arguing semantics but it’s not my gift so…” Alice said with a shrug.

Jasper shook his head.

“No, I think it makes sense,” he said. “Just because a gift can do something doesn’t mean that’s what it is meant to do. And having a fundamental misunderstanding of your gift is the most common reason someone would lack control or finesse with it. Like trying to use a hammer to do a screwdriver’s job.”

Alice shrugged again. She deferred to Jasper and Carlisle when it came to knowledge about gifts, as they were the two that knew the most about it. She didn’t much care, as long as hers kept working the way she expected it to.

“What do you think your gift really is then?” Jasper asked.

Bella sighed.

“That’s where I’m stuck,” she grumbled. “I have no idea.”

The three of them sat in silence for a bit before Jasper spoke up, slowly.

“You said it’s like thread. Try something...try pushing your threads out to me instead of trying to grab my gift when I reach it out to you.”

Bella nodded.

She found the feeling of her gift, of the multitudes of impossibly small threads of magic woven around her, and tried to separate some of them out. She’d tried this before, and no matter how many she managed to tease away from the whole, she was still surrounded by too many for Jasper to really get in.

But she hadn’t tried reaching them out to him yet, assuming they would do nothing.

So that’s what she did. She gathered enough of them to cover him up in a thin layer and extended them outwards. She still had to make minor physical motions with her hands to help her visualize it.

Bella spun her threads around Jasper’s form until he was completely covered, and he let out a surprised exhale. Her head was starting to hurt a little bit, and she could feel some of her muscles burning. The exertion it took her to stretch the threads out this far was...intense. Like she was on a treadmill, or lifting heavy weights.

“Now that feels strange,” he muttered. “I can’t feel anything at all now. You, Alice, or the neighbors. Try and see if you can feel my gift now, without me having to reach out.”

Bella managed to nod and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She could feel a bead of sweat form on her forehead from the exertion as she focused her mental energy on the threads surrounding Jasper.

After a few minutes she felt faint and light-headed, and was about to tell him she was going to stop, she couldn’t feel anything, when she felt something...strange.

Somewhere beneath Jasper’s skin, was his gift.

Threads, teeming and experimentally probing against her own.

He had two different kinds, which was odd. He had some threads that seemed to want to stay put, just below the surface. They felt...absorbent. It must be that aspect of his gift that read the emotions of people around him.

The second kind were the ones actively reaching out and probing Bella’s own, and they felt similar to the one Bella had grasped the other day. She still wondered how she managed to isolate him without covering the passive threads, but that could be a question she answered another time.

She definitely needed to pull back now, but she tried to wrap her own threads around one of Jasper’s and take it with her when she retreated her own.

“Whoa,” Jasper grunted.

Bella pulled her threads back with a sigh of relief, her headache abating slightly as she dragged Jasper’s along with it. She didn’t pull it into herself as deeply as she did before, and she didn’t spin the web around it like before, but she pulled it just within the boundaries of her gift and held onto it.

She sent an experimental pulse of curiosity along it, and then felt a warm excitement in her gut that wasn’t hers.

“It worked,” Jasper murmured. His words were quiet, but Bella could feel the buzzing of his emotions. They weren’t quite as strong as the other day, but again, his thread wasn’t as close to her as it was then.

Bella sent a pulse of that excitement back, too tired to really emote much outwardly.

“Do you still feel me?” Alice asked, hopping down from the bed and sitting close.

Jasper looked at her.

“Kind of…” he said slowly. “It’s odd. You keep getting stronger and weaker.”

Bella frowned.

She tried to send a strong pulse of an emotion. She picked boredom, thinking about her math class. Jasper’s eyebrow went up.

“And now I don’t feel you at all,” he said to Alice.

Bella stopped actively sending feelings along the thread.

“That’s you?” Jasper said, turning to Bella. “I can feel Alice again.”

“I think when I have one of your threads I can overclock you,” Bella mumbled sleepily, rubbing one of her eyes. This entire exercise had taken a lot out of her. “If I’m just holding it and not doing much with it, and I’m not specifically trying to put my own gift around that thread and just sort of holding it right within my boundaries, you still mostly feel me but you still have access to everything else. But when I actively send you something…”

“It overwhelms everything and all I get is you,” Jasper mused, finishing her thought and stroking his chin. His face and his feelings were giving away the fact that he was thinking a mile a minute about Bella’s gift and all the potential applications and purposes it could have. “Fascinating.”

Bella tried to identify how Jasper’s thread felt like this, and she came up with something, but she wasn’t sure how it related to a greater whole yet.

“Feedback loop,” she mumbled. “It’s like a feedback loop. I’m not just sending my own feelings back at you, or, well, I am...but something about my gift is making your thread more sensitive, the magic from you is...stronger.”

Jasper nodded and fell silent, and Bella let go of him before crawling into her bed and flopping down.

“That was exhausting,” she yawned.

~~~

She still hadn’t managed to grab his probe that he extended to her again, but through a combination of working the ‘muscles’ of it and the action itself seemingly becoming easier through repetition, Bella was able to pluck one of Jasper’s threads off of him and proactively pull it into herself without immediately needing a nap afterwards. Alice’s gift still evaded her entirely, and after the first attempt Alice refused to allow Bella to spin her own gift around her in its entirety like she had to do to Jasper to identify his gift enough to pull it off him in the future.

Apparently Alice’s visions turned off entirely when Bella did that, which was an extremely disconcerting experience for her and she told Bella quite firmly to please never do that again and they would find another way to let Alice see her future.

She continued practicing with Jasper and it was still difficult, tiring, and she wouldn’t be up for much the rest of the day afterwards. But it did allow them to create little cuddle piles on her bed and watch bad movies as Bella went through the motions of her day in the aftermath of The Incident, keeping a gentle hold on Jasper’s gift and overclocking his hunger with calm feelings enough for her to touch and be near him.

Bella still went through her days feeling much like a zombie, and knew she was treading dangerously close to allowing herself to slip back into old habits. Going through the motions and growing a sense of apathy towards the world around her.

Alice and Jasper kept her grounded, but only barely. If she was going to keep herself from dangerous thoughts, Bella knew she had to be proactive about it. Working on her gift was a welcome distraction, a way to give herself something to focus on, but it could only go so far.

Resigning herself to her eventual fate of having to confront what she was feeling, Bella started to think about it more. Thought about...Rosalie.

And things started feeling weird.

Once she was removed from the incident by about a week or so, with Christmas coming right around the corner, Bella took a day to think it over from scratch. It was a Saturday, so she was at the Cullen house, and thus didn’t need to be babysat as directly.

It was the only time she really got to be left alone now, and she used it wisely. The attitude the Cullens seemed to adopt when Bella was in their home was to let her approach them for anything, and to otherwise leave her be and give her some room to breathe.

She went out into Esme’s greenhouses and found a comfortable chair to sit in, and used the meditative techniques she knew to start assessing everything she knew about and everything she had experienced with Rosalie Hale.

Starting all the way back in the cafeteria.

Bella knew she was gay when she was ten. But she only had the right words for it when she was thirteen. And never in the eight years from when she started noticing her attraction to girls to when Rosalie set foot in the cafeteria had she ever responded quite like that to someone.

She found girls pretty, sure. Definitely more interesting than boys.

And she certainly had thought much more about what it might be like to kiss a girl, versus her peers wondering what it would be like to kiss a boy.

Yet, none of the girls in Bella’s life had garnered that sort of reaction out of her.

Well.

There was one that came somewhat close, but Bella dismissed that train of thought for now. It wasn’t relevant outside of the initial meeting and general thoughts Bella had about her appearance, which were still mostly in line with what she had been used to her whole life.

Bella had always just assumed she wasn’t a superficial person, not caring much about appearances and caring much more about what was beneath it.

Rosalie threw that out the window.

She was gorgeous. Bella didn’t have to talk to her or know a single thing about her in order to find herself practically drooling over her, to find herself thinking highly inappropriate thoughts about long blonde hair spilling over her thighs and wondering if Rosalie’s own thighs could crush her head like a watermelon.

(The answer to that, she knew now, was an emphatic yes. Probably should examine the fact that the thought of that sent a little thrill up her spine, but...later. Not important right now.)

The fact of the matter and the important part of all that was that Bella had never found herself particularly caring or noticing a person by their appearance, yet here was Rosalie, upending everything she’d ever thought about herself.

Could she just chalk that up to the inhuman beauty of vampires in general?

Well. Maybe.

Alice was cute. In another life, maybe Bella would be attracted to her like that too. But while she could objectively admit that Alice was a very attractive person, Bella felt much the same about her that she did about her prior...interests.

She could acknowledge the objective fact that Alice was attractive, but it didn’t really feel like anything to her. Alice’s personality was far more attractive to her, but her thoughts never went very far in that direction even before the whole ‘vampire’ thing and she started looking at Alice more like a sister.

Esme was also very beautiful but, whether or not it was Bella’s perception of her as ‘my best friends’ mom’ getting in the way, she also hadn’t put much note on it besides the objective quality of it all.

So this was something unique to Rosalie.

Then, well.

Then there was that.

That whole thing.

With the eyes.

Bella really had tried very hard not to think about it since then, because even after the vampire reveal, it was just too...strange. Too unexpected. Too….too much.

But now she made herself think about it. Made herself think about the way time itself had seemed to turn to liquid glass around her as Rosalie met her eyes for the first time. The way Bella had felt helpless under them, as though she were being sucked into a black hole. The gravity of Rosalie in that moment had been a force of its own, and Bella had fully been caught in her orbit.

She had dismissed it.

Tossed it aside.

Especially with how rude Rosalie had been to her just before.

But…

No.

There was no way.

...right?

Bella looked around the greenhouse. Took a breath and smelled the various floral and herbal scents dominating the room. Tried to ground herself as she wrapped the concept around and around in her mind.

“Like a penguin,” she muttered to herself, running a hand through her hair.

She took her phone out and texted Alice.

Bella [3:22 p.m.]: You asked me the other day how I was feeling about the whole thing.

Alice, of course, responded immediately.

Alice [3:22 p.m.]: I do recall that yes! Are you feeling better?

Bella: Maybe. I don’t know whether or not I want to strangle her or...or grab onto her so tightly that she can’t run away again. It’s frustrating. I want to be angry with her, but part of me just wants her back so I can...ugh. It sounds so embarrassing, but part of me just wants to hold her and never let her go. Is that weird?

Alice: No! No it isn’t weird at all.

Bella: It feels weird. I don’t really know her that well still, and she did something really shitty and said really shitty things. So why can’t I just say ‘fuck it’ and ignore her? Forget about her?

Alice: I promise you it isn’t weird.

Bella frowned.

Alice was usually more wordy than this.

Bella: Do you know something?

Her heart felt like it was in her throat a little as she just straight up asked.

Alice waited a few minutes to respond for once.

Alice [3:30 p.m.]: I don’t know what you mean?

Bella frowned deeper.

Okay.

Alice is definitely hiding something.

She thought about it, and...Alice had been hiding something for a while. She remembered the angry looks Alice would send Rosalie sometimes, the muttered arguments, the way Alice had sniped at her the day of the big reveal…

“Alice I don’t know her. I just think she’s...pretty. And I look at her in the cafeteria sometimes. But I don’t even think she knows I exist.”

“Oh she knows,” Alice muttered under her breath.

What did Rosalie know? Why would Alice specifically say that Rosalie knew Bella existed, as if it was something she was...upset about?

At first Bella had thought it was just about the fact that Alice had seen Bella as part of the family in the future. And then Edward thought she was his mate, and that was the reason all of them thought Bella was joining them…

“Hold on,” Bella muttered. She grabbed her phone and texted Alice again.

Bella: Why were you so insistent on trying to set me up with Rosalie before I knew everything? Didn’t Edward have everyone thinking I was his mate?

Something about this wasn’t adding up. On top of being weirdly pushy about Bella’s crush, Alice was the only one who wasn’t surprised when she rejected Edward. Alice didn’t listen to her about how creepy he was being, but she was the only one who didn’t seem surprised that she rejected him.

She tried to play it off. Like Edward just had a little crush on her, and it wasn’t anything Bella should take seriously.

“You little minx,” Bella whispered. “You knew damn well the whole time I wasn’t his mate, didn’t you?”

Alice’s reply came shortly, but still not immediately.

Alice: Edward isn’t as convincing as he thinks he is. Anyone with eyeballs could see that you were much more interested in Rosalie from the start.

Bella: But you were pushing for it. Trying to set us up. Why? Just because I was looking at her in the cafeteria?

Alice: I regret it now, if that’s what you’re wondering. She had no right to do what she did, and I’m sorry I was so pushy before. I didn’t think she would do something like THAT.

“You’re deflecting,” Bella muttered, putting her phone down and crossing her arms. She stood up from the chair and started pacing. “Deflecting from what? What do you and Rosalie know that you’re keeping from me?”

There is no way it’s...that, Bella thought to herself as she paced. It had to be something else. Something different. Right? It had to be. Vampires had to have flings, or at least some level of romance without a mate-bond being involved, right? Maybe Alice just thought her and Rosalie would make a good match until one of them found a mate later down the line?

“And you should know by now I don’t believe in fate.”

“Has she ever told you that she’s been wrong nearly as often as she’s been right?”

Fate. Why was Rosalie so obsessed with fate and defying it? Why did that matter? Bella had thought it was just about the fact of her joining the family, but…

She left her phone in the greenhouse and speed-walked back to the house. Esme smiled and waved at her as she went inside but she ignored her, walking right past her and making her way to Carlisle’s office.

Alice tried to intercept her too, but Bella just shot her a glare and kept walking.

She wasn’t in the mood for more lies right now.

Bella knocked on the door to Carlisle’s study.

“Come in,” came his voice, soft and firm.

She opened the door and closed it behind her. Carlisle looked up from his desk at her with a smile on his face, setting down the paperwork he was looking at and sitting back, folding his hands in his lap.

“Bella,” he greeted. “What a pleasant surprise. Do you have more questions about vampires for me today?” he asked, an excited glint in his eye. He thoroughly enjoyed answering her questions and found her curiosity very refreshing, apparently.

“Sort of,” Bella said, feeling a bit lost now that she was actually here. She knew she wanted answers, but she felt hesitant to just come out and ask if...if what she had suspicions on was the case, because if she was wrong she would just look stupid. “I had...I had questions about vampire um, mates.”

“Ah yes, I must say your penguin comparison is the most delightful way I’ve heard it phrased in a long time. I cannot wait until you are properly one of us and we are no longer skirting around our laws of secrecy so I can share the anecdote with friends of mine,” Carlisle said with an airy chuckle. “What were you wishing to ask?”

“What does it...feel like? Like, I guess...how do you um, know?” she asked, trying to keep the tension out of her voice.

Carlisle’s eyes sparkled as he leaned forward, gesturing for Bella to sit down. She did, crossing her legs and bouncing her foot a little impatiently. He chuckled and began speaking.

“The bond itself is...exceptional, and unique to every couple from my understanding. Some bonded pairs are so strongly connected that they can speak to each other in their minds, without words. But every bond comes with some level of...awareness, of the other person. You may not quite understand where it is coming from, but things about them will simply...make sense.”

Bella nodded.

“There is also, of course, the compulsion. The desire to be near your bonded other, the desire to be in their presence and speak to them. It wanes after time but if one were to separate from their bonded for any length of time, the desire would accumulate in a much stronger manner than simply missing a significant other,” he continued.

Bella felt her stomach curl a little bit. She nodded.

“What about um,” she said slowly, licking her lips nervously. “What about like...how do you know​? Like how do you know that specific vampire is your um, your penguin?”

Carlisle chuckled again, his shoulders shaking.

“When you meet them, you would simply know,” he said. “It’s...words truly defy it. The moment of bonding. It is like...for a moment, as if the entire world around you simply...ceases to exist, except for your bonded. All you can perceive and understand in this world is them, they are all that exists and all that matters.”

Bella felt like ice water had just been dumped on her head.

“When I met Esme, it was...palpable,” he murmured. “Powerful. Edward described it as if I had simply become a statue, staring at her, completely frozen until the spell broke and I immediately knew she was mine, and I was hers.”

“What um…” Bella said, her voice suddenly raspy as her throat dried out. She licked her lips again. “What happens if...if someone tries to...to reject it?”

Carlisle frowned and sighed, shaking his head sadly.

“Unfortunately not as uncommon as I’d like for it to be,” he mused. “It can happen for varying reasons. Usually some form of madness, when one of the pair has a very warped perception of reality in the first place. It’s dreadful. Any distance between the two will feel empty and wrong, like a part of you has been unwillingly torn away.”

Bella shivered.

“One would feel hollow and lifeless, only wishing for the return of what was lost,” he continued to speak, sounding sad. As if he had seen it happen before. “It is, of course, nothing compared to what happens when one half of a bonded pair dies and leaves the other behind. That is a fury and a pain the likes of which I cannot even fathom. Jasper would know more about that, sadly for him.”

“Why would someone do that to themselves?” Bella asked, more to herself than Carlisle.

Carlisle let out a sad, pensive sigh and shook his head.

“Who is to say?” he mused thoughtfully. “I’m sure everyone has their reasons. Why do you ask, Bella? This is a rather morbid direction to take the topic, if I do say so myself. Has Jasper told you something about his past that brought these sorts of thoughts on…?”

Bella shook her head.

“No, no, I’ve just...I’ve just been thinking,” she said quietly. “If I’m gonna be one of you someday, I just want to know all I can, I guess.”

Carlisle nodded, seeming to accept her answer. She asked a few more token questions about the concept, but it quickly became clear to the both of them that her purpose in coming to him had been resolved and she was just being polite. After a moment of amusement upon realizing it, Carlisle kindly released Bella from herself by citing his paperwork and she gratefully made her exit, wandering back to the greenhouse and slumping down into the chair she had been occupying.

It smelled faintly like juniper berries, which was odd, because Bella couldn’t see a juniper plant.

Her mind swam with thoughts over what Carlisle said to her. She could hear her phone buzzing, and she could see it was Alice expressing worry over her and asking if she needed anything, but she ignored it.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” she muttered, rubbing her eyes.

It was all too much.

It made too much sense.

Why Rosalie was so resistant to her presence in the first place, but was simultaneously so protective of her when it mattered.

Why Bella found herself so drawn to her.

Why Bella was okay with Rosalie watching her sleep, why she seemed to trust the prickly thornbush of a vampire implicitly.

“Fuck,” Bella sighed. “Rosalie Hale is my mate,” she whispered to herself.

She didn’t know what to think. What to feel. At first she felt angry. Angry at the entire concept, angry that yet another choice in her life was being taken away from her. Angry at all of it. Angry at Alice and Rosalie for keeping it a secret from her.

Alice far more than Rosalie.

At least she could somewhat understand Rosalie. She could understand the fear and the self-destruction. Dark thoughts about her own descent into the pit flashed in her mind, of Bella manufacturing her own justifications for pushing away her friends. Friends that cared. Friends that worried about her, asked if she was okay, nearly begging in the end before Bella burned those bridges for good.

At the time she had simply believed it easier to be alone. Come up with every justification under the sun to make it easier on her heart to cut people away, no matter how flimsy or fabricated they ended up being.

The reason itself didn’t matter, only the fact that after a certain point, Bella simply ‘knew’ that her friends were better off without her and didn’t plan on being around long enough for it to matter anyway.

She sighed and rubbed at her eyes, shunting the dark memories away and turning her thoughts back to Rosalie.

Bella could only ever be as mad at Rosalie as she was at herself, which was still a fair amount, but she felt like a massive hypocrite for even considering taking too much of it out on Rosalie before they got the chance to at least talk about her actions.

Or was that the mate-bond, manufacturing feelings in her where she otherwise might feel different? Had she made any of her own choices since meeting Rosalie, or had it all been doomed since they locked eyes?

“Fuck,” Bella muttered.

~~~

When the Cullens were writing letters to each other for Christmas, Alice managed to cajole Bella into taking part. Bella hadn’t mentioned to Alice why she was angry. She tried to keep it hidden, tried to smother it. When Jasper was around she begged off of continuing to train with her gift for a bit, saying she was tired.

They could tell that Bella was a bit more short-tempered than usual, much spacier and more dissociative. But they seemed to just chalk it up to Rosalie’s actions, and not Bella’s own stewing emotions over Alice continuing to lie to her, continuing to hide things from her and pull strings that she had no right to pull.

Bella kept most of it out of the letter she wrote her.

She didn’t want to hate Alice. She didn’t hate her. She was very angry at her but she didn’t hate her, and a Christmas letter wasn’t the place for this. Her letter to Alice was full of love and gratitude, expressing how much it meant to her that Alice brought Bella into her world.

Because ultimately, even though it was manipulative and sneaky, Bella was grateful for that, at least. She never felt right as a human, depression notwithstanding, and the concept of one day being an immortal vampire was...comforting, in a strange way. Even when she still thought she would be dying an untimely death to achieve it.

It was upsetting, yes. The idea that everything she had worked so hard for would just be for nothing.

But that was the wrong way to think about it.

It would have been a waste if she were to die and have nothing to show for it. But as a vampire, Bella could live forever. She could enjoy the life she had worked hard to keep for as long as she wanted.

Her letters to Jasper and Emmett were similarly heartfelt, expressing that she was happy to have them as brothers. She had always wanted older brothers, and they were the best ones she ever could have asked for.

Carlisle and Esme’s were a bit harder to write, mostly because Bella didn’t really know what to say yet. They were shorter, with Bella mostly expressing gratitude for their kindness and acceptance of her, that their gentleness and willingness to answer her questions and treat her like a person who could make her own choices meant a lot to her.

And then Rosalie.

Bella had done a lot of thinking about Rosalie since that day in the greenhouse, and she had come to a few conclusions. But she didn’t know how to communicate that in a letter, and it took her five tries.

She might have gotten a little teary when she wrote the final draft of it, but it was okay. She had finally gotten her feelings and thoughts down on paper and that was the most important part. Bella gave the letter to Emmett, obviously, because who else would know how to get it to Rosalie better than him.

Nobody had said anything, or even asked, and Emmett wasn’t revealing anything, but everyone just seemed to take it as fact that if Emmett didn’t know exactly where Rosalie was, he would at least know how to get presents and letters to her.

When Bella handed him the envelope and the wrapped box containing Mister Bun, he gave her a soft smile and ruffled the top of her head lightly.

“She’ll come around,” he said quietly. “Just give her some time, okay?”

Bella swallowed.

“You think so?” she whispered, trying not to show just how hopeful she was that he was right.

“Trust me,” Emmett said firmly, giving her a serious look. Bella looked into his eyes for a few moments before nodding slowly, and handing him the letter and box.

She did trust him.

She just hoped that he was right.

The rest of that day was spent at the Cullen residence, with Bella feeling her stomach toss and turn from anxiety. Christmas itself had come and gone, and she felt a little guilty having taken so long with Rosalie’s letter but Emmett had reassured her over and over that it was alright.

Bella herself had received a letter from each Cullen and one Hale, so far excluding Edward thankfully. Although she might still receive one according to Alice, because apparently last she checked Edward had been deliberating whether or not to write one to her.

Her letters from Carlisle and Emmett had been the shortest, with Carlisle’s being very formal and to-the-point. He wrote that it was a delight to have her as a part of the family, and assured her that regardless of her biological status she was considered a family member already.

Emmett simply rambled for about a page’s worth of words about how excited he was to finally have a sibling with a proper appreciation for video games and that, once Bella’s body could handle it, he planned on challenging her in arm-wrestling.

That made her laugh.

Then were the letters from Jasper and Esme, both of which made Bella feel a lot of very complicated feelings in very different directions.

Jasper’s letter was full of his unique brand of awkward charm and southern politeness, as he tried to find a way to communicate to Bella how much her attitude towards his past meant to him and how special she was to him already because of that.

Bella already knew that his past was very unfriendly, but he told her a bit more through the letter. That he had been conscripted into what amounted to gang wars between vampires in the southern parts of North America, fought by warlords that used armies of newborns.

His gift had proved valuable enough to “escape the culling” after his first year, a sentence that sent chills down Bella’s spine when she read it, but that didn’t mean his life got any easier. The violence that the majority of his life had consisted of still haunted him, but Bella’s staunch acceptance of him gave him a newfound hope that maybe it wouldn’t just be Alice that treated him normally, that there was a real chance he could one day truly begin moving forward with his life.

After finishing the letter, Bella had found a private moment with Jasper to give him a really big hug.

Esme’s letter however just made her feel complicated. It was full of motherly adoration and care, and every sentence made Bella feel sick to her stomach. She adored Esme. Esme had been nothing but kind to her, quietly supportive in the background.

And in a way that was the problem.

Bella couldn’t stop comparing her to Renee. Couldn’t stop dredging up old memories. Couldn’t stop the twist in her gut and pang in her chest when Esme would go out of her way and do something so very motherly without even blinking, and Bella would immediately compare it to what Renee would have done in a similar situation.

She felt guilty and awful.

It was just one more thing in the long line of issues to deal with before she was turned. Bella refused to have herself frozen in time with mommy issues. But for now, she decided to just keep a little extra distance from Esme until she sorted it all out.

Bella would apologize to Esme for it all eventually, once talking to her didn’t make her feel like she was going to vomit.

Alice’s letter was…

Bella felt a slight burn in her eyes as she thought about that. It was so hard to digest and understand the letter properly when she knew, even now, Alice was still lying to her about something that seemed so...fundamentally important to her entire life.

Paragraphs of poetic waxing about how happy Alice was to finally meet Bella for real, to be able to see her face every day instead of a fuzzy approximation every so often when a vision struck her. Details about the various activities Alice wanted to do with her, places she wanted to go, events she wanted to attend with Bella.

Bella had always been an only child, and though she had friends who had siblings, she had never really wanted a sister. Brothers, yes, she always thought it would be ‘cool’ to have older brothers. But she had never really wanted a sister.

She couldn’t say why. It had just never really occurred to her.

But Alice was the sister Bella never knew she wanted, and now had. And she was happy. Over the months Alice had become not only her best friend and sister, but a steady and reassuring presence, always able to put a smile on Bella’s face.

She was pushy and strange and had a bit of a habit of being somewhat obnoxious and pretentious about certain topics, but she was also kind and heartfelt and supportive, her gentle and friendly demeanor always making Bella feel at ease.

Being mad at her was painful. The fact that Alice was lying to her was painful, yes, but somehow the fact that Bella was angry, rightfully so, was what was really causing her pain and discomfort.

She looked to the side at her best friend and buried a sigh.

Alice sat next to her on the couch, babbling about something fashion-related. She had been doing so for the past fifteen or twenty minutes, and Bella had been trying to tune her out for the most part.

Bella was trying not to snap at her. Trying to not let her hurt feelings control her.

It was hard.

Eventually she couldn’t take it anymore and leaned forward, putting her face in her hands and sighing.

“Alice, please, just...be quiet, for a moment,” Bella mumbled. Alice’s jaw immediately snapped shut.

“Sorry,” Alice mumbled.

An awkward silence built up between them, with Alice fidgeting in place. Eventually Alice’s ability to stay silent was tested for too long, and she blurted out words.

“Are you angry with me?” she asked, sounding a bit scared and hesitant. “I know you’ve been all out of sorts since – since it happened, and at first I thought you were just angry with Rose, which you’re completely justified in and I’m angry too, but lately I feel like you’ve been...you’ve been angry with me, again, but this time I don’t know why.”

Bella dragged her fingers down her face.

She didn’t want to deal with this. There was already so much happening, so much with Rosalie and Edward, Bella’s own issues and complications, trying to unravel her gift...Bella didn’t want to have a fight with Alice on top of it all.

But there was no escaping it. She’d have to deal with it sooner or later, and burying it would ultimately help nobody in the long run.

“When were you going to tell me?” Bella asked quietly, not looking at Alice.

A beat of silence.

“Tell you what?” Alice said, her voice suddenly tense.

Bella sighed.

“Alice, please,” she muttered. “I’m really not in the mood to keep being lied to.”

“I haven’t – “ Alice started to say until Bella interrupted her.

“When were you going to tell me that Rosalie and I are mates, and you knew?” Bella asked, her voice hard. She heard a few gasps from the rest of the house, but thankfully nobody else came into the room. It was just her and Alice.

Alice was frozen, her eyes wide in shock and her lips slightly parted. Bella stood up and started pacing slowly around the room, waiting for her to reply. Her stomach sank at what was all but a confirmation of her suspicions, the conclusion she had come to that day in the greenhouse.

It hurt, knowing she was right. That Alice had been lying to her.

Well, Bella thought. At least my letter to Rosalie will make sense. And not sound completely crazy.

“I – “ Alice eventually started, her voice thin and wispy. “How – how did…?”

“I figured it out, Alice,” Bella said plainly. “I mean, I had suspicions. But I figured, with the way Carlisle described it the day of the big reveal, there’s no way that Rosalie wouldn’t have told me if it were the case, right? But after what she did…”

Bella snorted.

“Yeah, I can buy that now. What I don’t understand is why you didn’t tell me,” she said accusingly, turning and glaring at Alice.

“Bella I never meant to – “ Alice started, but Bella just held up a hand.

“Stop,” Bella said, shaking her head slowly. This was already painful enough without Alice digging the hole deeper for herself. “Just stop. Answer me yes or no, did you know Rosalie and I were mates?”

Alice opened her mouth and was going to launch into an explanation, but one look at the steel in Bella’s eyes had her shrink back slightly.

“Yes,” she whispered, looking pathetic.

“Did you know about this before I arrived in Forks, yes or no?” Bella asked, ignoring the twist and turn of her insides at how upset Alice looked.

“Bella please – “ Alice whispered.

“Yes. Or no,” Bella repeated.

Alice hung her head and was quiet for a few moments.

“Yes,” she eventually whispered.

“You tried to push me towards Rosalie. Tried to set us up, even while the rest of your family thought Edward and I were supposedly mates.”

“Yes,” another whisper.

“You tried to manipulate me,” Bella said, feeling the reality of it crash down on her fully for the first time. The corners of her eyes pricked with tears and she hurriedly swiped them away, swallowing hard and trying to force her eyes to stay dry.

Alice’s head whipped up and she shook it violently.

“Bella no ,” she said, horrified. “No, no I never tried to – I never meant to – “

“But you did,” Bella said, her voice hollow as she laughed a little. “You did. You pulled my strings like a little puppetmaster. That was you, wasn’t it? You texted me, told me to be in the cafeteria. Probably because that was what you saw in a vision. You wanted me and Rosalie in the same room together.”

“Bella – “

“And then you lied about it to my face,” Bella hissed. She knew, logically, that Alice had no real choice other than lying that day when she asked in the cafeteria if Alice had been the mystery texter. But it still hurt. And it still didn’t excuse not fessing up after the fact.

Alice flinched back.

Bella glared at her, not saying anything further.

“I’m going for a walk,” she muttered after a moment, turning around and walking out of the room. She went out through the sliding glass door into the backyard and kept walking.

She crossed into the woods and kept walking.

Night was falling.

She didn’t care.

She just walked and walked, in a different direction from where she had gone with Rosalie, until she came across another clearing. This one empty. She sat on the ground with her back against a tree and pulled her knees up, resting her forehead on them and sighed.

Her eyes felt wet and hot.

She heard rustling foliage a few moments later and looked up to see Alice, peeking at her from behind another tree with a distraught expression on her face. Bella sighed slightly as she felt the worst of her anger ebb away.

“Bella I’m so so sorry,” Alice whispered, slowly coming out from behind the tree and tentatively approaching her. “I was just trying to...if I had told anyone, Rosalie would have...she was being so stubborn and I was so afraid of what she would do if I told and – “

Bella held up a hand.

Alice stopped talking.

“I know why you didn’t tell me at first,” Bella said quietly. “I can even, sort of, understand why you tried to set us up. You wanted a way to undercut Edward without actually having a confrontation. I get it. I don’t agree with the way you went about it, but I get it. Verisimilitude, right? You were just trying to push everyone to a happy ending, like you saw in your visions. You were already halfway there, you just wanted to help everyone else catch up.”

Alice nodded slowly.

“But what you did was wrong ,” Bella said firmly. She knew tears were breaking free of her eyes and going down her cheeks, but she didn’t care. “You manipulated me , Alice. You treated me like a puppet that you could make dance to your tune, and that’s not okay . The ends do not justify the means.”

Bella could tell by the look on Alice’s face that she hadn’t really thought of it that way, and was horrified at the implications of it. She really did understand that Alice had just been trying to help, and hopefully having someone finally pull the wool away from Alice’s eyes and call her out on her actions would have her be more...considerate, going forward.

But right now, she was still angry.

“And more than that, once I knew the secret, once I knew about you and your family, you had no right to keep this from me,” Bella said emphatically.

“But Rosalie – “ Alice whispered.

“Is one person,” Bella snapped. “But as far as I’m aware, it takes two people to create a mate-bond. Am I wrong?”

“I – no…?” Alice said, blinking.

“Am I lesser than your sister? Less important? Are my feelings, my wants, less important?” Bella continued. Alice winced.

“No, of course not…!” she protested.

“Then why did you keep it from me after?” Bella pressed. “Why? I had a right to know. It involves me, this is my whole life . You let me think I had to die . You let me stew and think about my own impending death rather than just tell me no, the way you join our family is that you’re mated to my sister, who is currently being a massive idiot.”

Alice was completely silent.

“I’m sorry,” she said after a while, seeming to sway on her feet. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. You’re right. You’re completely right. I didn’t think about you at all, not like...not like that. I was just so excited on you finally getting to be a part of our lives, and so frustrated with Rosalie’s stubbornness that I just...didn’t think. And I’m sorry.”

Bella nodded.

“Thank you for saying that,” she said quietly. “I’m still angry at you, but...we can work with this. No more lies, okay? No more secrets. Not if they involve me.”

Alice nodded furiously, her head a blur.

“I promise. I swear. I won’t ever do that again,” Alice said emphatically.

Bella shifted her position so only one knee was up, her other leg curled on the ground. She propped one arm up on her knee and ran her other hand through her hair, wincing slightly as her head began to hurt.

Then Alice’s face twisted, and she looked...scared. Bella froze.

“Alice?” she asked hesitantly.

“I – I’ve seen this,” Alice whispered, stumbling back a step. “This was – I saw this in a vision. Oh god, Bella, we have to go – we have to leave – “

“Alice what is happening? What are you talking ab – ugh,” Bella said, interrupting herself with a grunt as a powerful, throbbing pain rocked her head. She saw a few stars in her vision as she put her head in her hands, trying to breathe through the pain.

“Bella?!” Alice exclaimed, rushing over to her and putting her cool hands on either side of Bella’s face. “Sweetie what’s wrong?”

“Hurts,” Bella wheezed out. She felt her gift rile up and converge in on itself, and the pain in her head was searing.

“Can you stand? We need to go, Bella,” Alice whispered urgently.

Bella was about to reply when something snapped in her mind and stars flashed in her vision, an absolutely blinding pain sweeping her head for a few moments until it dulled back down to just a regular migraine.

Then it happened.

A shadow, swirling into existence in front of her and Alice. In the shape of a woman.

For a brief moment Bella panicked. What was happening to her? Was she finally having a psychotic break!?

But then memories poured forth in her mind and Bella groaned, the pain in her temples intensifying. She remembered the woman made of shadow, she remembered the conversations, the warnings.

Echo.

“I’m so sorry Little Bird,” Echo said, her back facing Bella. “Your gift is still somewhat hostile to me. It’s detecting foreign magic inside you and bouncing me around a little bit, but I’m making it behave. I didn’t want to show just yet, I wanted more time, but we’re out of time. It’s here.”

“What!?” Bella hissed, doubling over in pain and gripping her head.

“Not out loud,” Echo said firmly as Alice frowned. “She can’t see or hear me. Think at me. I’ll hear you.”

“What is going on!? Explanation, now,” Bella demanded in her mind, leaning against Alice for support.

“Do you remember when I told you I send an echo of myself back along the threads of fate?” Echo said, and Bella sent an affirmative thought back at her. “Well, the space between the threads isn’t empty. There are things that live in there, and sometimes…”

Echo took a sharp breath, her stance stiffening.

“Sometimes, in some iterations, when I come back...one of them hitches a ride.”

Then the pain felt like it would split Bella’s head in two, and she had to grit her teeth to avoid screaming. A flickering, inky shadow appeared on the edge of the clearing, and apparently this one Alice could see.

Alice shoved Bella behind her and crouched in a defensive stance, snarling at the interloper. Echo shook her head.

“She can’t hurt it. It has to be me,” Echo said softly.

“What the hell is that thing?” Bella asked, barely keeping her eyes open through the pain.

“A stowaway,” Echo said. The interloper took a few steps to the side and Echo matched it. After a few steps it paused and went back in the other direction, Echo taking steps to mirror it. “They call themselves the True Sons of Caine. I call them Spectres.”

“And this happens often!?”

“Often enough,” Echo murmured. “Out of all the iterations I’ve done I’ve had to deal with about twenty-seven of them hitching a ride. They cause more problems and you’ll be seeing them again, but rarely are they this early. Only when one comes back with me. They usually aren’t able to grab on during the process, but sometimes they do.”

“And you can fight it?” Bella asked.

“Sort of,” Echo confirmed. “You and I together. I’m going to have to hijack your gift, Little Bird, and it’s not going to feel good. I’m really sorry about that.”

Bella was about to ask what Echo meant when she found out.

The Spectre was made of shadow like Echo was, but it was different. Echo’s shadow felt like a cloak, a filter over herself to conceal who she was from Bella. But the Spectre looked like it was made of living ink, ever-shifting and never the same shape. It was vaguely humanoid, but beyond that it just looked like a black wound in reality, oozing and infected.

It raised its arm and sent a torrent of shadows at Echo. Bella was about to scream when she felt a tug inside of herself, and she had to hold back the urge to vomit.

Echo raised her arms like a conductor, or a violinist, and began.

Bella felt the threads of her gift shoot outwards just as Alice snarled, and Echo directed the threads in ribbons of shining, glimmering energy to intercept the shadow. But instead of deflecting the shadow the way Bella deflected Jasper’s gift, entirely, Echo seemed to...direct it.

Echo’s arms flowed like she was playing an instrument as she shaped and guided the threads of Bella’s gift, creating nuance and shape and path among the ribbons to guide the shadows, curling them through the air. The shadow ran along Bella’s gift, constantly bouncing off one slight plane of it only for the little divots and subtle texture Echo had introduced to it to send it back.

The Spectre hissed and sent another torrent of shadow out its other arm and Echo responded by making a motion as if she were pulling a violin bow across strings, pulling another set of threads from Bella’s gift and making more ribbons.

Bella could almost hear the music in her head as Echo conducted an orchestra of magic. Bella’s gift gleamed against the shadow, a shining silver track for the inky shadow to flow across. Echo warped it all, directed it, conducted it, played it like a fiddle as she converged all the ribbons, all the shadow into one and sent a spear of night back at the Spectre.

“Bella is that...is that you? Is that your gift!?” Alice whispered, awestruck. Bella could only grunt in pain as a response.

Every part of her felt like it was burning . The strain of using her gift, the exertion of her muscles and her mind, the throbbing headache. But the control wasn’t hers. She could feel it secondhand, could feel the fine-tuned and experienced grip Echo had on her gift. But it wasn’t her.

The Spectre seemed to be taken by surprise and was slow to dodge, and its own magic slammed into its shoulder; tearing a hole in it. It screamed and Echo spat back at it. Bella felt Echo begin to spin her threads before the Spectre got another attack in, and by the time the inky black magic left its fingers Echo already was intercepting it.

This time Bella’s gift was spun into a corkscrew of quicksilver magic, spinning the shadows like a centrifuge spins liquid. Bella could feel the foreign magic on the edge of her gift, could feel it building and pulsing as it spun and spun.

The energy of the magic wasn’t dissipating, it was building . Echo was using Bella’s gift not to deflect or redirect, but to amplify.

And then with a snarl and a flourish of her hands, Echo sent the spun-up shadows in a whirling discus of death back at the Spectre, cleaving it in two. The scream it gave practically broke the sound barrier and Bella winced, clapping her hands over her ears as it dissolved into the air, leaving no trace behind.

Echo made a few more languid motions with her hands as the adrenaline of the situation slowed down, and allowed Bella’s gift to flow slowly back into her. The quicksilver shine disappeared from the air and Echo let out a sigh of relief.

“What just happened?” Alice asked dumbly, staring at the place where the Spectre had just vanished. “Bella...what did you do?”

Echo came over and knelt in front of Bella, looking at her face. Bella stared back at her, stunned and wide eyed.

“Answers later, I promise,” Echo murmured. “But the threat has passed. And your gift, for better or for worse, is acclimated to me now. It’s a good thing you already discovered it on your own or things would have gone much worse, and you would never be able to control it properly but...we should still be okay.”

Bella nodded automatically, and Alice frowned at her.

“You can’t tell her about me,” Echo said firmly.

“Sorry. We just agreed to not keep anymore secrets,” Bella thought firmly.

Echo sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Is there a point to me trying to convince you otherwise?” she asked after a few moments. Bella shook her head. “Can I convince you to keep it between you and Alice?”

After a moment Bella nodded.

“Good enough,” Echo muttered. “I suppose I should’ve seen this coming. Alice is always the first to know.”

“Because you’re her?” Bella accused. “ She calls me Little Bird now sometimes. Like you.”

Echo laughed lightly. She stood up and moved next to Alice, leaning down and placing a feathery kiss on her cheek. Alice flinched and her hand flew up to her cheek as she looked around frantically for the source of the contact as Echo laughed.

“I got it from her,” Echo said, amused. “It’s a lovely nickname for you. And she always was my favorite Cullen. But I’m not her, no. I love her dearly though, and she is instrumental in sending me back to you each time. It’s lovely to see her again.”

Bella scowled. She was so sure it was Alice.

Well, it still could be. Echo could just be throwing her off. Or maybe she knew Bella would think that and assume she was Alice anyway, and she went with it because she wasn’t and it helped keep her identity confirmed? Or maybe she was Alice and she knew Bella would think that and she knew that Bella knew she would know that so –

Okay.

Bella shook her head out of that rabbit hole. It wasn’t going to be productive and she had bigger things to worry about. Namely, Alice (the real one) (?) was looking at her like she had two heads and Bella could smell the rant and flood of questions coming like it was a thunderstorm in the air.

“ Can you tell me how you did that? With my gift? I still can’t figure out the overall like...purpose of it,” Bella thought. The pain was starting to lessen and her thoughts were clearing up, and she felt powerfully curious.

“Because you’re thinking about it wrong,” Echo said quickly. “Like I said, you aren’t a shield. Your gift can function as one, I suppose, but you never were one. Your gift, like many, can’t really be summed up in a single word or phrase, but if you want the closest concept...you are a mirror.”

Bella blinked.

“I’m a magic mirror?”

Echo snickered.

“Effectively, yes. Not in the ‘Mirror mirror on the wall’ sense but in a physics sense. You know how you can reflect light off a mirror?”

Bella nodded. Alice was a volcano of questions about to explode, but Bella would deal with that in a few minutes.

“Light is still made of particles, and particles still obey basic laws of physics. Like the one about perpetual motion, you can only reflect light so many times. Every time you do it loses a bit of itself and slows down a bit, until there’s nothing left to reflect?” Echo said, making sure Bella understood. “But magic doesn’t have to follow those laws. It doesn’t matter how many times you reflect it off of you, it never loses a bit of its energy. So, shape your mirrors right and you can bounce it around as many times as you need to before sending it wherever you want it to go. Arrange them even more precisely and you can ‘speed up’ the magic, amplifying its power.”

Bella frowned.

“That sounds a little outside the realm of ‘mirrors’,” she thought pointedly.

Echo laughed again.

“That’s because it isn’t a one-to-one. Just like Alice doesn’t really see the future and Jasper isn’t just an empath and Edward isn’t just a mind-reader, their gifts are far more nuanced than that. But you wanted a simple description, so I gave you one.”

“If I’m a mirror and I reflect gifts, why does nobody feel it when I bounce Jasper off me?” Bella asked.

“Feedback loops, or rather the prevention of them,” Echo said simply. “Jasper’s gift doesn’t work on himself, so when you bounce him off he doesn’t even register it. Same with Edward. As far as I’m aware, in your gift’s default state it sends whatever is thrown at it right back at whoever sent it your way, so they don’t notice a thing. Alice is a bit different, but a lot of things about Alice are a bit different and we can get into that later. If I know my girl as well as I think I do, she’s about ten seconds away from erupting with so many questions she’ll deafen you, so our time is about to be up.”

“ One more. How did you control my gift like that?” Bella demanded.

Echo laughed and tapped the side of her nose with her finger.

“Spoilers. Let’s just say I’ve spent a very, very long time in your head, Little Bird, and I have a few tricks up my sleeve. We’ll speak again soon. For now, deal with our sister, I don’t think she can hold it in much longer.”

Kneeling down next to Alice, Echo put her shadowy arms around Alice’s shoulders and pressed her face into Alice’s neck for a few moments before dissipating. Alice gasped and scrabbled at herself with her hands, and Bella could hear a faint...echo, of Echo’s laugh in her mind as she faded.

Bella waited to forget about her again. Like when she had forgotten after the dreams.

But she didn’t.

She could even feel Echo’s vague presence somewhere in her psyche, but knew that Echo wasn’t with her at the moment. She was probably somewhere at the edges of the radius she had shown Bella before, giving her some privacy with Alice.

Bella sighed. She could pepper her with questions later. Echo lived in her head after all.

For the moment she turned to Alice, who really did look like she was about to pop.

“You have questions,” Bella said quietly with a small smile.

Alice’s head was a blur with nodding.

“Alright. I’ll tell you what happened. It starts back when the big reveal happened, and I fainted…”

~~~~~

Alice had an endless well of questions about Echo, and even more theories about who she was, but Bella only had so many answers. Despite Alice demanding her to direct questions towards her, Echo was remaining very silent in Bella’s mind.

The thoughts of Rosalie were almost pushed to the side for the next week as Alice interrogated Bella over and over again about Echo, ruminating on what possible catastrophe she could have come to avoid, what Bella had to do with it, who she was, everything.

She resolutely promised to not share the information about Echo with her family until Bella gave her permission.

The one question Alice remained very stuck on, though, was what Echo had meant by saying she ‘didn’t just see the future’ and that somehow Alice herself was important to sending Echo back in time.

“All my visions are only of the future,” Alice had said, frowning immensely. “Obviously I have my own memories of my past, well, my vampiric one, but I can’t ‘see’ the past in a vision the same way I do with the future…I can’t see what could have been , I can only see what can or will be.”

Bella just shrugged. She didn’t have any better ideas.

Alice also told her why she had freaked out so badly in the clearing, and that she had seen the Spectre before. She told Bella about the words it had spoken, and Bella couldn’t get them out of her mind.

“And we will breathe rhapsody, the howling and gnashing teeth of the true Sons of Caine. Truth-seer, path-weaver, realm-breaker; bring the girl to the Fisher King’s tomb and set us free.”

Bella had spent plenty of time talking to Alice and Carlisle about that afterwards. She didn’t tell Carlisle about Echo, but Alice spun a pretty tale about their encounter with the Spectre in the woods that she had seen in her vision, and that Bella’s gift had defended them from it and killed it.

It was technically the truth, so Bella didn’t feel too bad, but she felt a little bad.

Carlisle had been studying the ‘true Sons of Caine’ discreetly, but hadn’t managed to come up with anything. He did explain to Bella that Caine was effectively a religious figure for some vampires and there were multiple interpretations of him.

Primarily there was the Dark Father interpretation, portraying Caine as tyrannical and all-powerful, and the Fisher King, portraying him as regretful and wishing to undo the damage of his curse and his actions.

But there were no active religious groups calling themselves the ‘True Sons of Caine’, nor were there many active religious groups around Caine at all. The various vampire ‘governments’ around the world like the Volturi, a coven who governed the vampires of Europe, and the Camarilla, a loose alliance of several covens that governed most of North America, had all but outlawed the worship of Caine, unwilling to acknowledge an authority that superseded their own.

It was hard enough for Carlisle to even make basic inquiries about it, let alone do any in-depth research, without painting a target on his back, so answers were slow to come on that front.

Privately with Alice, Bella had discussed it a bit deeper using the knowledge that Echo gave her. That the Spectres came from a space ‘in between’ the threads of time, and that Bella inferred that they must have something to do with the unnamed catastrophe Echo came back to prevent or mitigate the damage of.

“The Spectre was obviously talking about you and me,” Bella said at one point, with Alice nodding in agreement. “’The girl’ has to be me. The weird titles must be you, but why give you three? I mean, I guess they all make sense, especially if your gift is somehow able to...create Echo. That definitely qualifies you for ‘realm-breaker’.”

Alice didn’t have a good answer for that.

“The Fisher King is the regretful Caine, right?” Bella asked, frowning. “If we’re headed towards catastrophe, why would the Spectres refer to him as the Fisher King and not the Dark Father? Isn’t the Dark Father interpretation the one that you’d associate more with some kind of catastrophe or disaster?”

“You’d think so,” Alice said, looking pensive and unsure. “But as the Fisher King, Caine supposedly regrets and grieves his entire existence, and the existence of vampires as a whole. If Edward believed in the Cainite origins it would be the one he aligned with, the concept that our entire existence is a curse that should be regretted.”

“Hm.”

Eventually, they had talked themselves in circles and had more questions than answers. And with Echo still being radio silent, despite Bella constantly pestering her in her thoughts, they had no new information to go off of and no leads to follow.

All they could do was wait.

Which meant Bella had to go back to thinking about Rosalie.

Emmett had given Rosalie the letter and the box, but hadn’t told Bella anything past that.

So Bella waited.

She and Alice tentatively mended their frayed friendship, and Bella continued to practice using her gift. Her skill was light-years away from what Echo had displayed in the clearing, but now that she had a better idea of what her gift actually did, she was able to control it a lot better.

Mirrors.

When she spun her gift around Jasper’s thread, that’s why she could overclock him so much. His gift was pinging around inside her mirrors, and as he slowly fed more magic in by continuing to keep his thread reaching out to her, it continued to build and build.

Bella’s control was rough and rudimentary, and Jasper’s gift took very little energy to maintain in its basic state, so it was practically unnoticeable outside of the immediate effects. Bella gained the rough understanding that she was only capable of constructing so many individual ‘planes’ for the magic to reflect off of, meaning less bounces and less speed. Which meant that, since the amount of energy Jasper was expending on his gift was already small, the increase was very slow and impossible to notice unless she was specifically looking for it.

She was able to redirect it, though. It was very difficult to do, but she was able to, once.

Bella had completely isolated Jasper’s gift from herself, only allowing herself to feel the magic and not his emotions. That was step one. Once she got that down, she went to step two; telling Jasper to ramp it up.

She could feel that a lot more, but Jasper couldn’t really tell the difference. His gift didn’t work on himself, so the fact that Bella couldn’t quite keep full control and plenty of what he was sending towards her was bouncing back at him didn’t really matter.

In fact, he couldn’t even tell what she was doing at all, and was mostly just trusting her word. Apparently when Bella completely isolated the thread within her gift from even herself, but didn’t wrap her threads around Jasper like she had done before, it felt no different than normal. Jasper was reaching out to her, but he was just bouncing off and not getting anything.

But Bella could feel the magic intensely. None of the emotions, not as long as her mirror-box was completely sealed and the only magic escaping was back along the thread towards Jasper. But she could feel the magic pinging and ricocheting off of her gift, picking up speed with each bounce.

She started to feel, through all the experiments, that Echo hadn’t quite gotten it right. It wasn’t just that her gift was like a mirror, reflecting magic. Her gift was actively pushing the magic away from her. There was a level of force behind it, hence the ease of speeding up and ‘amplifying’ it.

Bella’s own magic was propelling Jasper’s to greater and greater power.

Once Bella could hold onto his ramped-up gift a lot better, she started trying to throw it at Alice.

It didn’t work.

Every time she tried, the single slip in her ‘construction’ would cause the whole thing to fall apart and Jasper’s gift would splash harmlessly across the room. Alice would feel it, but she would say it was more like feeling the normal amount of passive exertion of his gift that Jasper still struggled with keeping tamped down sometimes, and not anything particularly ramped up or directed specifically at her.

So Bella kept trying.

Her mirror-box kept failing and exploding the moment she tried to open it up and direct it somewhere, and she was getting frustrated.

But one day she succeeded. Instead of trying to completely open up and reconstruct the mirrors and keep the built-up magic contained, she instead used even more threads to create a siphon. Remembering the ribbons of quicksilver Echo had used against the Spectre, Bella tried to recreate it on a smaller scale.

She created a cylindrical pathway for the magic to go on, constructed of various ‘ribbons’ that Bella tried to model after Echo’s, after the mirror-box was opened, and instead of trying to reshape the mirror box, she just opened it up to the pathway directed at Alice. Almost immediately Bella could feel the difference and had to struggle to keep it on the ribbons, and she lost about half of the built-up magic in the process.

But then Alice let out a whoopf of breath and flopped back on the bed, groaning in…

“Oh ugh ,” Bella cackled, throwing her head back. “Jasper that’s gross! I can’t feel it but ewwww!”

“What!?” Jasper protested, the grin on his face undercutting it somewhat. “You said you weren’t gonna feel it and that it would be directed at Alice. I’m just sendin’ her how much I love her.”

“What if I had felt it though?” Bella asked, snickering as Alice made noises into Bella’s pillow.

Jasper shrugged.

“Then you’d be incentivized to have better control next time,” he said. “Plus, she’s exaggerating a bit.”

“I am not!” Alice protested, and Jasper laughed.

“Hon’ I can feel what you’re feelin’, I know you’re puttin’ on a show to try an’ fluster Bee.”

Alice sputtered at being called out for her theatrics and Bella grinned. Jasper had decided that she was an honorary Hale, although Bella wasn’t quite comfortable accepting the name until she got it properly, so instead Jasper just came up with a nickname for her.

In a startling display of creativity, he decided to just start calling her Bee. Because the first letter of her name was B, and because she was ‘sweet as honey’.

It was cute, and flattering, and was one of those moments Bella was pretty sure would be ingrained in her memory for the rest of her life. The Cullens had been doing everything they could to show Bella that they really did want her to be part of the family but, more than any of the explicit verbal reassurances she was given by Carlisle and Esme or the unwavering confidence Alice had in her visions, that little gesture had made her truly feel like she belonged.

~~~

Her success at redirecting someone else’s magic for the first time was a much-needed mood boost and a welcome distraction from the sadness and morbidity that had surrounded Bella recently. And she was happy at her friendship with Alice not suffering too hard.

Alice had continued to apologize profusely for her actions and was almost overcompensating a little bit, telling Bella every last detail of the visions that featured her that she could think of. She also started using Bella as a ‘meddling consultant’ and asked for Bella to sign off on everything she wanted to do to help nudge visions closer to what she wanted to happen.

At first it was amusing, but eventually Bella just sat Alice down across from her one evening during night-watch and tried to give her a better baseline to work off of, so she didn’t have to feel like she constantly needed to check with Bella.

“Listen, I appreciate that you’re really trying hard to change your behavior and not be so pushy and…” Bella said, hesitating.

“Manipulative,” Alice finished, nodding. “Don’t spare my feelings, Bella.”

“Yeah. That,” Bella sighed. “But you’re going a bit overboard. Anyone who knows you, knows that your visions are a part of you and that it’s always going to affect how you go through your life, okay? Nobody is expecting you to pretend they don’t happen or to not try and help when you think your visions can be helpful for someone.”

Alice nodded, biting her lip.

“The problem is when you make decisions that don’t involve the other person, because you think you know the correct choices to make,” Bella continued. Alice blinked, clearly not having thought of it that way before. “It’s not about...like, for example, the other day, you had a vision about Emmett staining his favorite jacket, right?”

“Some asshole just walks right into him with a full cup of coffee and spills it all over him!” Alice yelped, throwing her hands up in frustration. “It’s not that hard to watch where you’re going!”

“Right,” Bella laughed. “But your first instinct was to hide Emmett’s jacket so he didn’t wear it that day. And when I told you to just tell him about it, your vision changed to him wearing it anyway thinking he could avoid it, only for it to happen regardless. You just ended up hiding his jacket anyway and telling him afterwards.”

“He said it was fine though,” Alice said, frowning. “He even thanked me for rescuing his favorite jacket.”

“And that’s great that Emmett didn’t mind, but you made the choice without knowing that part,” Bella said patiently. “Think about it this way. If you tell Emmett about the vision, he decides he can wear the jacket anyway and just be careful, you tell him that probably won’t work, and he does it anyway and gets it stained. What does this teach Emmett?”

Alice really thought about that for a few minutes before answering.

“That my visions are reliable and he should listen to me?”

“Sort of,” Bella chuckled. “Moreso that if he’s going to not listen to you, he has to accept the consequences of his actions. Then in the future when you tell him about something else happening to another piece of clothing he likes, maybe he’ll listen to you and just leave it home. Or maybe he’ll decide he wants to try being careful again! But the important part is that he gets to decide and live with the consequences of his decision, and you still get to try and be helpful.”

“But…” Alice said, sighing in frustration. “But if I can prevent the bad thing from happening in the first place, isn’t that better?”

Bella shook her head.

“It’s not worth taking away someone’s choice,” she said gently, but with a firm undercurrent to her voice. “If the stakes are more serious, life or death or something like that, then maybe you have a bit more ground to stand on. But even then, at the end of the day, that means you have to accept the consequences of your actions. Fundamentally, most people don’t like being manipulated, Alice. Even with good intentions.”

Something seemed to click in Alice’s eyes then, and she nodded slowly.

“So...it’s about understanding the choice I’m making and the potential consequences, not...not about the actual act of doing it,” she said. “I have to decide for myself whether or not the consequences of making someone possibly upset at me for manipulating things to a certain outcome is worth the outcome itself, and not just expect them to be happy about what I believe is a good outcome.”

Bella nodded seriously.

“Exactly. I like to think that, if it really is life or death and you decide to take a choice away from me, I’d forgive you for something like that eventually. I’d be upset, but I don’t want to die so I’d get over it. But what would really upset me, and the biggest reason I was upset before, is because you didn’t seem to understand that you had done something wrong. If you had told me straight up ‘Yes Bella I manipulated you and I’m sorry about it and you are allowed to feel however you like about it, but I truly believed this is the best outcome and I decided it was worth you being mad at me.’, I would have respected it a lot more.”

That made Alice quiet for longer than Bella had ever heard her, and she was starting to get worried when Alice let out a big sigh and smacked herself in the forehead.

“Oh god I’m such a bitch,” she groaned. Bella shook her head and sat next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

“You are not,” she insisted.

“I am!” Alice groaned. “Rosalie has been trying to tell me this exact thing for decades and I just stubbornly refused to listen to her, just chalking it up as her being extra-weird about her privacy and stuff. I’m such a bitch.”

Well, Bella couldn’t really comment on things she wasn’t present for, so she didn’t really know what to say to that. Instead she just squeezed Alice’s shoulder reassuringly.

“Well, I don’t think you’re a bitch. I think you were trying to be a good sister and, let’s be honest, Rosalie isn’t exactly the best at being a clear communicator,” Bella said, smiling awkwardly.

“But still…” Alice mumbled.

“Yes, still, you probably should have been a better listener and not just dismissed her concerns,” Bella said patiently. “But just because you messed up doesn’t make you a bitch, it makes you human.”

Alice blinked.

“But I’m not human,” she said, confused. “I’m a vampire. Remember?”

Bella just smiled and shook her head.

“Biologically that may be the case,” she said, giving Alice a gentle kiss on her temple. “But sweetie, you and your family are painfully human in spirit.”

Alice nodded slowly.

For the next week, she saw Alice with a contemplative look on her face. Then at some point, Jasper pulled Bella aside and told her quietly that Alice had been going through the whole family and apologizing for her ‘presumptuous manipulations’ and that she had begun to see her actions regarding her visions in a new light, and was going to try and be better about it moving forward.

Apparently Esme and Emmett were very confused as to what she was talking about and said she had nothing to worry over, but Jasper and Carlisle had just told her they were very proud of her and would be happy to help her and discuss her visions anytime she liked.

Bella smiled and wrapped Jasper up in a hug.

She helped.

Maybe she really was worth their attention after all.

~~~~~

Emmett handed Bella a letter on the first Saturday in February.

It was in a plain envelope, and felt very thin. Bella took it gingerly from his fingers and looked at him, the question in her eyes.

He smiled.

“Just read it,” he said gently. “Trust me.”

She did trust him.

As soon as she could get a bit of privacy she opened the letter and began to read.

It was only three pages long.

~~~

Bella,

There are so many things I wish to say, and so many ways I’ve thought about saying them, but ultimately it all boils down to two very simple words.

I’m sorry.

Words you’ve heard from me before, but this time I’m not apologizing for the simple sin of being me.

I’m apologizing for everything else.

For the way I ignored you when we first met. For the way I spoke to you. For the way I kept you away. For the way I thought about you in the privacy of my own mind. For the way I treated you.

For leaving.

Your letter makes it sound like you still wish to see me again, and it is a hope I have been clinging to since I could no longer avoid my own feelings and have been forced into the unfortunate choice of either accepting them or allowing them to rip me apart.

I say unfortunate because it is unfortunate that such a choice was required in the first place, not because the feelings themselves exist.

Should this be true and you do still wish to see me again, let Emmett know. He’ll give you a date and time. If you are available that day, he’ll pick you up. If you aren’t, we will find one where you are.

If it’s amenable to you, we can meet where I’ve been staying this whole time. You will be entirely safe, and I have no ill intentions or ill will towards you.

If it isn’t and you’d prefer to meet on more neutral ground with witnesses outside of Emmett, I apologize in advance but that will take some time. I’m ready to see you, but I’m not quite ready to face the rest of my family yet. I feel ashamed and embarrassed; like a petulant child who ran away from home over something petty and silly.

However, that is not to say we cannot find an acceptable middle ground. If you neither wish to come see me in person anytime soon, nor do you wish to wait for me to be ready to face the rest of my family to speak to me again, Emmett will happily ferry letters back and forth between us.

When I suggested it to him he made fun of me for being a closeted romantic and I took great pleasure in disabusing him of that notion. I do have an image to maintain. But to you, I find I no longer have a problem admitting that I do find the concept endearing and romantic, and would be happy to exchange letters with you.

Frankly, I’d be happy to hear from you at all in any sort of positive or even neutral manner.

Again, I am truly sorry for everything I’ve done. I understand hearing this over and over will be grating for you but you are unfortunately going to have to get used to it, as I feel as though I will have to spend at least the next decade repeating so in order to feel as though I have adequately groveled.

If this letter feels unusually rehearsed, that is because it was. Exhaustively. I have planned out nearly every word of this letter to my satisfaction, because otherwise I was doubtful of my ability to say anything at all without you in front of me.

I understand my right to speak fondly of you is forfeit until you grant me the privilege of once more speaking to you in a familiar manner, but I hope you know that after much deliberation over your letter and several hours-long conversations with Mister Bun, I have come to much the same conclusions as yourself in regards to choices and lack thereof in this matter.

I cannot see myself choosing another, either.

Forever yours in turn,

Rosalie Hale

~~~

Bella read the letter.

Then she read it again.

Then she read it five more times.

Then she burst into the living room and marched right up to Emmett, who was in the middle of an online Halo match, but quickly disconnected as soon as he saw her come up to her. She was looking at him intensely, and Emmett looked unsure of whether or not he should run or smile.

At first she just stood there, her mouth opening and closing a few times as her emotions stalled out.

But eventually, she managed to speak.

“How soon?” she blurted out.

Emmett slowly smiled, looking like he was barely concealing a whoop of glee.

“Next Saturday?” he offered. “That was the earliest she agreed to.”

Bella nodded repeatedly.

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That works. What time?”

“Whenever you want,” Emmett chuckled.

“Right after breakfast?” Bella asked.

Emmett nodded happily.

“Totes, Bellabear. We have to run though, and I don’t think you’ve done that yet?” he asked, frowning.

Bella blinked in confusion.

“Emmett I know how to run,” she said plainly.

“No, sorry, I meant run with one of us,” he laughed. “Like, with me carrying you on my back or something. Or actually probably just in my arms, to make sure nothing whacks you,” he said, frowning.

“Like...you’d carry me while you run? Run...fast?” Bella asked, grimacing and feeling herself pale a little. She wasn’t exactly fond of fast.

“Yup,” Emmett said, popping the ‘p’.

Bella took a deep breath.

It would be worth it.

“Yeah. Yeah that’s fine,” she said breathily. She turned around and saw Alice and Jasper on the couch, both of them giving her big smiles. Jasper gave her a thumbs up and Alice clapped happily.

“She…” Bella said, licking her lips nervously. “She wants to talk. She seems...better.”

“I’m so happy for you!” Alice said, jumping up and throwing her arms around Bella, who was still in shock and just stood there being hugged. “Don’t forgive her too quickly though. If you put me through the wringer you have to do it for her too, just a little bit!”

Jasper laughed and Bella gave a wonky smile, patting Alice’s head.

“We’ll see,” she said shakily.

What would she say? What would she even do ? Clearly Rosalie wanted to talk to her and all the positive signs were there, she seemed okay…

But Bella couldn’t help the little flare of anxiety in the pit of her stomach. She reached out and grabbed one of Jasper’s threads, an act that was slowly becoming second nature when she wanted to talk to him without words, and showed him the anxiety-happiness-excitement-nervous-scared combo she was feeling right now.

Jasper grimaced lightly and nodded, sending back gentle reassurance and confidence in his sister to do the right thing. Then he wobbled his hand a little and the combination of hesitance, scolding, and exasperation over the confidence let Bella know that he trusted her to do the right thing eventually.

Whether or not this was said ‘eventually’ remained to be seen, but Jasper continued sending her little waves of reassurance as she clung onto his thread, leaning against Alice.

Alice slowly led her to the couch where she sat down, leaning into Jasper’s side as Alice draped herself across both their laps, babbling a mile a minute about how she was so excited for Bella and Rosalie and how once they were comfortable she had a hundred ideas for cute ‘couple dates’ the four of them could all do together.

When she started talking about that, Bella looked horrified as Jasper laughed at her misfortune.

“You can try an’ get out of it, but you an’ I both know how useful it is to bet against Alice,” Jasper said with wry fondness, stretching his arm out and resting it on the back of the couch behind Bella’s shoulders and using his other hand to play with Alice’s hair.

“Oh god I’m gonna die,” Bella groaned.

But everyone could hear the amusement and embarrassed joy in her tone underneath the exasperation and exaggerated irritation, and she was only met with laughter and a mock glare from Alice.

Alice kept babbling, but Bella’s mind was elsewhere.

She had no idea what she was going to say, but she had a week to think about it.

Might as well start now.

Notes:

Oh what's this!? Bella, in her gay-ass moping about Rosalie, finds out Alice has been lying to her and manipulating her all along and goes to confront her! And then - what!? OH AND THE PLOT COMES IN WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!!!

*cough*

Anyway.

Dawn of the final day, 24 hours remain, etc. One more chapter left boys and girls and other, and the final chapter's first draft currently consists of just north of 20k words. It's a *doozy*. This chapter is the first real dive into how Bella's gift works, with Echo giving a bit of a preview of what can happen later with it ;)

Hopefully Bella's gift makes sense to y'all, but even if it doesn't I'm not changing it at this point cus I think it's sick as FUCK. Echo drops EVEN MORE HINTS about her identity. Some of you have already figured it out! Multiple different people have guessed correctly in the comments by now, some of you are WAY off, some of you are very close but haven't quite gotten there yet. And then of course there's plenty of f o r e s h a d o w i n g (insert hbomberguy clip here). Things are really really starting to ramp up now and good LORD I'm excited.

A few things about this fic going forward:

1. Chapter 16 will be the final entry into A Single Drop of Color. After a lot of thought and internally trying to sort out the structure of what I want this fic to look like, it makes more sense to split it into multiple works rather than cramming all of it into one work which, if the story continues to climb in word-count, could end up with well over 500k words by the time all is said and done. Splitting it into multiple works makes me feel slightly more comfortable writing a much longer story and giving other plot points time to breathe. Part 2 already has a name, which will be revealed when Chapter 16 is posted, and I already have plans for what exactly I'm going to do with it.

If you're worried that the fic is growing in scope to a point where I won't be able to handle it, don't worry! I don't plan on disappearing and leaving you all massively blue-balled. I know *exactly* where I'm going with this fic and I know exactly how it ends when all is said and done, I just want a bit more freedom to linger a bit longer on the journey there. But this fic DOES have a conclusion already in mind and I am someone who considers the *ending* of a story to be THE MOST IMPORTANT PART so I, personally, am not going to rest until I see the words to the ending written down in a satisfactory manner. It has nothing to do with you as an audience, even, it solely has to do with the fact that once I get this deep into a story, I can't bear to leave it unfinished.

2. In an effort to reassure you that this story is going to continue moving along and I'm not dragging things out forever, AS OF THE ENDING OF "A SINGLE DROP OF COLOR" WHICH IS PART ONE TO THE OVERALL STORY, Rosalie and Bella are *firmly together*. You'll get your great big "FUCKING FINALLY" moment next chapter. One of the major focuses of Part 2 is the progression and deepening of their romantic relationship, as well as the plot coming into more focus and Bella's human life takes a big step back until it pretty much stops being relevant entirely.

3. This chapter is the *full and proper* beginning to the absolute *DUNKING* of canon in the toilet. Part 2 onwards, this fic is going to be EVEN MORE MAJORLY CANON NON-COMPLIANT. I'm like 90% certain that most of you who regularly read these chapters are already on board with that but just in case anyone is still expecting this story to adhere to anything resembling canon, ADJUST YOUR EXPECTATIONS NOW. FINAL WARNING. THE RAILS WILL BE FULLY AND UTTERLY DEPARTED IN PART TWO. I am writing this fic SOLELY for my own enjoyment and as such am kidnapping all of our favorite Little Guys and taking them on an adventure of MY DESIGN. Which is going to go OFF THE GODDAMN RAILS. You have been WARNED. I hope my writing up to this point has been of high enough quality that you can all trust me to take you on one hell of a ride, because I'm *damn* fucking excited to take you with me :D

4. Bella gets turned into a vampire relatively soon into Part Two. This isn't really a spoiler, just another measurement for your expectations. I don't like fics that wait until the eleventh hour (or the climax itself) to turn Bella. I like vampire!Bella. A lot. The WIP J/A/B fic that I've mentioned several times by now features vampire!Bella almost from the very beginning. So, yeah, if for whatever reason the majority of this story starting very soon into Part 2 being post-turning for Bella is a dealbreaker for you, there ya go. You have been informed :)

5. If anyone can correctly identify what the Spectres are referencing you get a complementary high-five. They're not wholesale stolen, it is my own idea, but aspects of them are a reference to my all-time favorite book series~

This AN has run out of characters. Love y'all!

Chapter 16: I Take It All Back, I Changed My Mind, I Wanted To Stay

Summary:

Bella and Rosalie finally have a real talk. It all goes surprisingly well, much better than either of them expected, but then it all goes wrong.

Edward arrives after their conversation is over. Rosalie's errant thoughts send him over the edge and cause him to lose his tenuous grip on his control, going into a singer-induced frenzy. It's do or die for Rosalie and Bella, but Rosalie has always preferred to fight with words, not fists...

Notes:

!!!!!!!MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!

This chapter contains the following: Depictions of homophobia, mentions and non-graphic depictions of both successful and unsuccessful suicide attempts, implied self-harm, and descriptions of child abuse via neglect.
All of the prior warnings occur during a FLASHBACK. If you wish to skip the section which has the majority of the triggering content, it begins with the standalone line "She fell deeper" and ends with a POV switch to Rosalie, at which point it should be safe to resume reading. You'll miss out on a lot of context to Bella's mental health and there will be some parts of Part 2 referencing the events depicted in the flashbacks you might get confused on, but otherwise you should be able to skip without losing too much coherency.

The week leading up to Bella’s meeting with Rosalie had her feeling all sorts of flavors of anxiety, nerves, and excitement all bundled into one. She read and re-read Rosalie’s letter dozens of times over, and was proud of herself for only having two instances of her anxiety over it all leading to hyperventilating and needing to be calmed down by either Jasper or Alice.

Friday night she could barely sleep, and Jasper had to tap in to provide assistance by having Bella let him in just long enough for him to slam her with a wave of exhaustion so potent Bella didn’t even remember her head hitting the pillow.

Saturday dawned with Bella practically bolting out of bed, barely even speaking to Alice as she threw her warmest set of clothes on, grabbing boots and a winter coat before taking the stairs two at a time, bursting into the kitchen and startling Charlie.

“Jesus Bells, nearly spilled my coffee,” he laughed as Bella proceeded to tear through the kitchen like a whirlwind, whipping together a quick peanut butter-and-honey sandwich and a tall glass of orange juice, shoving the sandwich in her mouth as soon as she could. “Someone’s in a hurry this morning. What’s on fire?”

Bella chewed and swallowed her bite of sandwich and took a large gulp of juice before answering him.

“Alice has this thing she wants to do early in the morning, some event going on in Europe that she wants to watch live with me. So she’ll be here pretty soon.”

Charlie nodded.

“You spend every weekend with that girl these days, anything I should know?” he asked, grinning and raising an eyebrow. “I don’t need to greet her with my shotgun this morning do I?”

“Dad!” Bella yelped, flushing slightly. “It’s not like that. Alice is just my best friend, she’s practically my sister at this point.”

“What about that other one then? I haven’t seen her in a while, the one working on your truck? Is she still trying to fix it up? It’s been around two months or so now, hasn’t it? Did something go wrong?” Charlie asked, frowning and scratching his chin.

Bella’s heart skipped a beat and her throat dried up, but she tried to keep her voice casual.

“Yeah, Rosalie. Apparently my truck is an ‘affront to humanity’ and would be a war crime to drive, and Alice doesn’t seem to be in much of a hurry to stop chauffeuring me around so Rosalie is taking every excuse she can to keep working on it,” Bella said before occupying her mouth with more sandwich.

“If she’s doing this much for it I’d feel really bad not paying her at least something for her time,” Charlie grumbled.

“I’ve already told her I’ll be sure to make it up to her, she won’t take payment for it so I’ll come up with something,” Bella said seriously. Charlie looked at her curiously for a few moments before shrugging.

“Well alright then,” he said. “I suppose it is your truck after all so it’s between the two of you. Just don’t take advantage of her, alright?”

Bella smiled and shook her head.

No sooner had she washed down the final bite of her sandwich with the last of her juice did she hear the light beep of Alice’s horn in the driveway. Bella shoved her feet into her boots and tossed her coat on before yelling a goodbye to Charlie and hopping out the door, practically racing over to Alice’s car.

It was already starting to snow. So far they had been lucky to avoid too much heavy snowfall, but it looked like that was about to change. The sky was murky and white with no blue to be seen and the sun only a faint, dull glowing orb off in the distance. It was still light for now, but Bella could feel a snowstorm coming.

She clambered into the passenger seat and Alice pulled out onto the road, not even waiting for Bella to buckle in first. Bella quickly did so, grumbling, as Alice drove in her typically speedy way to the Cullen house.

“There’s going to be a storm later,” Alice said nervously.

“Yeah I can tell,” Bella said, looking out the window and squinting. “Looks like a nasty one building up.”

Alice nodded, biting her lip.

“Emmett says the place he’s taking you will be perfectly safe, it has a generator so you should have power and if it gets really bad he and Rose can try and run you back but it gets difficult to do in the snow, especially if it starts getting higher than a foot or two. Even our speed and strength can’t just blow through snow like a plow if it gets too high, especially if we’re trying to carry you.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Bella said quietly.

Alice sighed.

“It’s times like this I really wish I could see you,” she mumbled. “I keep trying to see how your conversation with Rose goes. I’m not trying to snoop, I swear, I just worry about you and this will be the first time in weeks that you’re out of my sight for more than an hour.”

Bella smiled and reached out to squeeze Alice’s knee.

“I’m sure I’ll be okay. What are you able to see, even through me?”

Alice muttered darkly under her breath before speaking up again to reply.

“Snow. A lot of snow. Not quite to the point where it will mess with our running, I think, but still. It means you and Rose end up outside, and I’m really hoping it’s for benign reasons.”

Bella chuckled.

“Maybe we have a snowball fight,” she suggested playfully. Alice gave her a side-eye and Bella smiled awkwardly. She was trying to deflect from her own anxiety by being silly, and Alice wasn’t fooled.

“You’re worried,” Alice said quietly. “Emmett will be there, of course, but after what happened…”

“Yeah,” Bella sighed, leaning back in the seat. “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to get Rosalie’s words and her...her voice, the way she sounded that night, out of my head for...a while.”

“Just...be careful, okay?” Alice said quietly as they pulled into the garage of the Cullen house. “I don’t know what Rosalie said in her letter, but Emmett seems really confident about it and while there’s a lot of things I’d question Emmett on, his gut feelings about Rosalie are usually right. But still. Be careful.”

Bella nodded as she unbuckled and stepped out of the car.

Emmett was already waiting for her, with a very large, thick blanket. Bella looked at it and raised an eyebrow, prompting loud laugh from him.

“Trust me, you’ll want it once you’re there,” he said with a wry grin. “We don’t feel cold so everything that’s there won’t help you much in this weather, and you don’t want to be in a big ol’ coat the whole time either I’m guessing. I made sure to prepare some dry firewood beforehand but, just in case.”

Bella sighed and nodded.

Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper entered the garage and took their turns wishing her good luck. Carlisle seemed as confident as Emmett, if quieter about it, but both Esme and Jasper shared Alice’s wariness.

Jasper, who was starting to get a good enough handle on his control even without Bella’s gift to at least be in her space for brief moments, reached out and clapped her shoulder before taking a big step back. He stared at her with worried, serious eyes.

“Alice will be looking,” he said bluntly. “Fuzzy or not, she should still be able to tell if something really bad will happen if she’s actively looking at you. So if something happens and for whatever reason you can’t text or call, we’ll probably already be on our way regardless as soon as Alice gets a hint that something’s gone awry.”

Bella nodded. Part of her felt mildly insulted at the lack of trust being displayed, but she knew Alice was just paranoid, both about how Rose might treat her and the possibility of Edward making an appearance.

Hopefully Rosalie and Emmett’s presence would be enough of a deterrent, but without a human population around to notice a scene, there was a chance he’d risk a confrontation.

So after a few more moments of conversation, she allowed Emmett to bundle her up in the blanket and scoop her up in his arms. It was only when she got this close to him that she realized just how huge he was, and she suddenly felt very small and fragile in his arms.

“You aren’t gonna get hungry halfway there with me this close to you right?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

Emmett laughed.

“I hunted an hour ago and had a big meal,” he said. “So you’re all good. You do smell good, and I’ll probably have to hunt again after I take you there, but I’ll be fine.”

Bella nodded and let her head rest against Emmett’s shoulder as he stepped outside.

“Close your eyes,” Alice said lightly, reaching up and tracing her fingers lightly along Bella’s cheekbone. “You already get motion sick from the way we drive, and this is much worse.”

Gulping, Bella closed her eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.

“Okay,” she said. “Ready.”

She could practically feel the power coursing through Emmett as he started to run. Even without her eyes open and being bundled up in the blanket for protection from the windchill, Bella could still feel the speed, the intensity of Emmett’s superpowered muscles working.

It was exhilarating, and terrifying. Bella’s curiosity got the better of her about ten minutes in and she cracked her eyes open only to immediately regret it and slam them back shut. The world was a blur around her and she immediately felt a sense of dizziness and vertigo overcome her, groaning as she shoved her head harder against Emmett for some form of stability.

He didn’t respond, but she did hear a light chuckle in his chest as he ran.

Bella had no idea how far they were going or how long it was taking them, but it was nearly an hour later when Emmett finally slowed down. He made to put Bella down on her feet but she shook her head violently and clung onto him.

“Not yet,” she begged. “I’ll just fall down. Give me a second.”

She hadn’t even opened her eyes yet and she still felt like her entire body was still going fast as an F1 racer.

“Take as long as you need, but someone’s waiting for you,” Emmett said softly, encouragingly. Bella felt a twist of anxiety and nerves in her gut as she took a few deep breaths. As soon as the dizziness was mostly gone, which only took about half a minute, she started squirming and Emmett put her down, taking the blanket off from around her so it didn’t drag in the snow.

She still kept her eyes closed and leaned against him for a moment until she felt steady.

When she opened her eyes, she saw the cabin, covered in several inches of snow and looking right out of a storybook. There was a chimney with smoke coming out of it, and Bella could smell the gentle scent of firewood burning.

The snow on the way to and in the area surrounding the cabin was fairly thick and came halfway up Emmett’s shins, but around the front area of the cabin it looked like it had all been cleared out once or twice and barely reached Bella’s ankles.

Bella’s eyes flicked to the front of the cabin, and her breath nearly stopped.

Standing by the front door underneath the roof awning, right at the edge of the cabin’s porch, was Rosalie Hale. She somehow looked even more beautiful than the last time Bella saw her, and that might have something to do with the nervous smile that was on her face.

Rosalie had her hair down and was wearing her usual dark colors. But on her face Bella could see that finally, her mask was no longer there. Greeting Bella’s eyes was an expression that was equal parts deathly nervous and extremely pleased to see her, which came through in the slightly wonky smile and the nervous twitching of Rosalie’s jaw.

Bella didn’t even think.

Her legs just started moving.

Emmett’s booming laugh was distant in her ears as her mind tuned everything else out, her legs propelling her towards Rosalie. When she was only a few feet away she lunged, throwing her entire body against Rosalie and flinging her arms around Rosalie’s neck and shoulders.

Bella pressed her face into the crook of Rosalie’s neck, her arms draped around her shoulders, expecting something similar to the hug in the woods, or maybe the one in her bedroom. Something either fleeting and easily brushed away, or Rosalie barely moving and mostly just allowing herself to be hugged.

But that wasn’t what happened.

Instead as Bella threw herself at Rosalie, she felt arms reaching out to catch her and pull her in. Rosalie’s arms went around her torso and around her back, clinging tightly. So tightly that Bella felt her feet lift a few inches off the ground. Then she felt Rosalie’s nose on the top of her head, nuzzling gently into her hair as Rosalie took a deep inhale.

Bella immediately burst into tears.

Her hands went from loose and ready to depart at a moment’s notice to a scrabbling, desperate hold, one hand on the back of Rosalie’s head and one arm tightly around her neck. Bella pressed her face harder into the slope of Rosalie’s neck as tears streamed freely down her cheeks.

Rosalie jumped slightly when Bella started crying, unsure if Bella was rejecting her affection or not, but when Bella simply clung tighter to her Rosalie tightened her own hold in turn. She carefully set Bella’s feet back down on solid ground but kept her arms snug, one of them moving to the back of Bella’s head and pulling through her hair over and over.

Bella could feel Rosalie’s fingers tease through her hair as she stroked the back of her head, letting Bella’s hair slip between her fingers with each stroke, her slightly tapered fingernails gently scratching against her scalp at the start of each stroke. At the open display of affection Bella began sobbing even harder.

She didn’t know how long they stood like that, but eventually her tears slowed down and she took several deep, shaky breaths before carefully disengaging from Rosalie’s arms. As soon as she started to pull away Rosalie’s arms were quickly pulled back, allowing Bella to immediately take a step back out of Rosalie’s space.

Rosalie’s hands went behind her back, and she took her own step backwards to match Bella. Rubbing her nose and eyes fiercely with her sleeves, Bella took another breath before looking up at Rosalie’s face with a hesitant smile.

“Those were happy tears, right…?” Rosalie asked, looking torn between being very confused and very happy. Bella could tell by her body language that she either wanted to run or pull Bella right back into her arms again, and given the circumstances, Bella was happy to believe the latter.

She couldn’t find her words at the moment so instead nodded furiously, and Rosalie’s stress and concern bled away from her expression a little as she let out a small sigh of relief. Bella then felt Emmett approach behind her and she jumped out of the way, turning to him.

“Well that seemed to go well,” he said proudly, grinning at the two of them. “Bells, do you want me to stick around or should I give you two some privacy to talk? There’s nobody around for miles so I can go far enough that I won’t hear unless one of you shouts and you’ll have total privacy.”

Bella gave Rosalie a questioning look of her own and was given a single raised eyebrow in return. Then she blinked, feeling something squeeze her hand. Apparently, she had reached out for Rosalie automatically sometime while Emmett was talking. She only realized what she had done when Rosalie had already threaded their fingers together and was gently rubbing her thumb in circles on the back of Bella’s hand.

“It’s up to you,” Rosalie said softly. “Whatever makes you feel most comfortable. I don’t mind.”

Slowly nodding and taking another deep, shaky breath, Bella turned back to Emmett.

“I think we’ll be okay,” she whispered with a slightly wet smile. “I just hope you have tissues in there. I’m really tired of crying all the time lately but I don’t think I’m quite done yet.”

Emmett smiled and confirmed that yes, there were tissues in there specifically for Bella. Apparently the cabin was well-stocked for a human now in anticipation of Bella’s arrival, complete with plenty of food and water in case Bella was there longer than they anticipated. Either by choice or by getting snowed in.

She thanked Emmett and he gave her a big thumbs up and a grin before declaring that he needed to hunt again and giving Rosalie the blanket before ambling off into the woods, his hands in his pockets as he whistled a jaunty tune. Bella giggled at his back and turned to Rosalie, who let go of her hand before giving her a small smile and opening the front door of the cabin.

As soon as Bella stepped in she felt like a wave of warmth had slammed into the front of her body and she sighed happily, noticing a flickering fire in a stone hearth on the far wall. The main room of the cabin looked very...homely.

There were four armchairs and two couches, with a large coffee table in the middle of all of them. On the far wall was the fireplace, granite if Bella had to guess, and up against the front wall of the cabin beneath a window was an old CRT television. Emmett’s Gamecube was already hooked up to it, and Bella smiled.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding,” she said quietly as she stepped in, pulling her coat off and looking for a place to put it. Rosalie quickly came in behind her and shut the door, taking Bella’s coat and hanging it on a hook that was on the back of the door.

Bella shivered slightly and rubbed her upper arms before walking over to the hearth and sitting on the floor in front of it. Her face was tingling as it warmed up and Rosalie laughed lightly as she came and sat on the floor a few feet away from Bella.

“Yes. Thank Emmett for that, he found me after it all...happened and took me here,” Rosalie said quietly, crossing her legs and looking into the fire.

Bella felt her chest seize up slightly and she nodded, not knowing what else to say. The two of them sat in an awkward silence for several minutes while Bella warmed up, and when she couldn’t avoid it any longer she sighed.

“Okay,” she said. Her voice was quiet, but firm and resolute. “We should probably talk.”

Rosalie nodded in agreement.

“I’m not doing it on the floor. I’m warm now, so we can sit in chairs like people and talk like adults,” Bella said, standing up and stretching before picking an armchair and settling in. Rosalie chose the couch, sitting on the side closest to Bella; not opposite the table from her but still leaving an armchair of space between them. She leaned against the arm of the couch, her body angled towards Bella with her feet pulled up on the couch behind her, legs tucked slightly underneath herself.

They were quiet again, neither one knowing what to say yet or who should talk first.

“I suppose I should start,” Rosalie said eventually, pushing a hand through her hair. “As I said in my letter, and as you’ll likely have to hear me say several times yet...Bella, I am so, so incredibly sorry. Sorry doesn’t even feel like a strong enough word. I deeply, powerfully regret not only that horrible night, but everything leading up to it that involved me pushing you away, denying my own feelings and wasting precious time on...on utter nonsense,” she said, scorn towards herself obvious in her final sentence.

Bella nodded, waiting to see if she would continue. After a few moments of gathering her thoughts, Rosalie did.

“I’ve spent a lot of time talking to Emmett, and...Mister Bun,” Rosalie said, a small smile quickly appearing on her face at the mention of Bella’s rabbit before disappearing again as her serious expression returned. “I didn’t particularly learn anything new , which is frustrating. Every reason I could think of for why I did what I did sounds so...silly and utterly asinine in hindsight, but it’s all I have.”

Bella gave a wry smile, knowing exactly what she was talking about. Once you start crawling out of that headspace, you really do start feeling very silly about all the reasons and justifications you gave before about staying in it.

“Tell me anyway,” Bella prompted gently.

“Obviously I justified it to myself, and to others, that I was protecting you,” Rosalie snorted. “I don’t think I need to insult your intelligence by assuming you haven’t figured out by now that that was a lie. To myself more than anyone else, but a lie nonetheless.”

Bella nodded.

“I suppose I was...protecting myself,” Rosalie murmured, leaning forward. She adjusted her seating so she could prop her elbows up on her knees, her feet on the ground and her head in her hands, threading her fingers slowly through her hair as she spoke. “I don’t feel like speaking on it today but my life as a human was...mostly fine, I suppose, but all of it greatly overshadowed by the nature of its ending.”

Bella took a sharp breath in, but didn’t speak. She barely moved in her chair as she looked at Rosalie.

“Suffice to say it was a horrible ending to what was ultimately a bland and mediocre life in the grand scheme of things. I was betrayed by a person who was supposed to love me, betrayed and...violated,” Rosalie said, her voice deathly quiet. “And ever since then, I felt as if I needed to...protect myself. Letting others close to me carried the risk of once again being betrayed and...I was afraid of that. None of this is new to me, but I...am beginning to see it all in a new light, to some extent. And I feel rather...annoyed about it all.”

She then snorted lightly and shook her head.

“The feelings were decidedly not helped by the nature of my turning. Has Carlisle deigned to tell you that little story, that little shameful nugget of his life?” she asked, a slight bit of anger and fury tinging the edges of her voice.

Bella shook her head slowly.

“Carlisle said none of your stories were his to tell,” she said slowly. “That if any of you wanted me to know, one day you would tell me yourselves. So far I only really know Jasper and Alice’s stories, and even then it’s not much.”

“He would say that,” Rosalie murmured. “I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he isn’t explicitly trying to avoid making himself look bad, given he has the same attitude about everyone, but…”

Rosalie sighed angrily.

“What happened?” Bella whispered.

“Who else? Edward happened,” Rosalie spat. “To this day I’m not sure if it was on his request or Carlisle’s own asinine assumptions, but the outcome remains the same. I was turned by Carlisle for the purpose of being Edward’s mate.”

When the words reached her ears Bella felt her stomach drop immediately. She felt slightly nauseous and sick, and she let out a long, slow breath as she tried to process the implications of that and soothe her nausea.

“Naturally I disabused them of that notion very quickly,” Rosalie continued, ignoring Bella’s reaction. “But I was still Carlisle’s responsibility, so whether or not I liked it, they took me in. Esme was the only reason I didn’t tear them apart. Even back then, only a decade or so removed from her own turning, she was and still remains the only person besides Edward who can really have Carlisle’s ear about something.”

Bella waited for her to continue as she paused.

“He apologized. Eventually. Carlisle, that is,” Rosalie mused softly. “I won’t lie, it’s a grudge I still nurse to this day and our relationship has never truly moved past it. Perhaps it’s been long enough to let bygones be bygones, but…”

She shook her head slowly.

“I’m getting off topic,” she sighed. “But that was, I suppose, the start of why I despised the concept of a mate-bond.”

“Hey at least that’s something we have in common,” Bella said, trying to keep her voice light. When Rosalie gave her a puzzled look she gave a half-smile. “Both of us got introduced to the concept of mates through Edward being a dick.”

That made Rosalie laugh, a small, airy chuckle as she shook her head slowly.

“I suppose you’re right,” she said, amused. “As I said, I’m still unclear whose idea it was initially. Whether it was Edward, already deep in his obsessions, or Carlisle wanting to give his son the same happiness he had found in Esme. Most likely it was some combination of the two. It tainted my view about the concept of the bond, which already wouldn’t have sat well in the first place with me. As you’ve been able to guess by now I...value, the ability to make one’s own choices. I can’t say whether or not I would have chosen this life if given the option at the time, with what I knew then, but the fact that Carlisle took that choice from me is...something I may never fully forgive him for. But at least he apologized, and seems truly regretful for his actions. Unlike...”

Rosalie trailed off, her eyes flickering with conflict. Anger and sadness, and a deep bitterness that seemed to permeate her entire being before she sighed deeply, shrugging it off.

Bella grimaced.

“Yeah Edward doesn’t seem like the apologizing type,” she grumbled. Rosalie laughed again at that and nodded in agreement.

“That he isn’t, no,” Rosalie murmured.

They fell into another silence, but an easier, less awkward one now. Rosalie gave Bella space to digest her words and to speak herself if she so desired, and after several minutes of chewing her lip and contemplating, Bella began to speak up.

“I know what you mean, I guess,” she mumbled. “I...I had a really rough experience of my own that really turned me off, uh, the idea of romance. Honestly until I met you I was content just growing old and, I dunno, being one of those forty-year-old single lesbians with seven cats.”

Rosalie snorted lightly in amusement, motioning for Bella to continue speaking.

“Just like you I don’t really want to get into specifics,” she said, shaking her head slightly and dispelling the errant thoughts that were rising back into the pit where they came from. “But it really did a number on me, and I spent the next several years of my life acting...well, acting like you I guess. Pushing everyone away, being mean and callous to make burning those bridges easier. Justifying it to myself as being for their sake, because I was a bad person to be around.”

Rosalie’s eyes softened with sadness, and Bella hesitantly reached a hand out to her. Rosalie quickly and easily met her halfway, grasping her hand firmly.

“But, unlike you, I uh...well, I started getting better,” Bella said with a small shrug. “Not by choice. Not at first. Renee, my uh, my mother...made me start seeing someone, after uh…” she coughed lightly. “After something happened.”

Rosalie just nodded.

“It sucked at first,” Bella sighed. “I was really defensive and cagey, and I wouldn’t take it seriously at all. I was just really sarcastic and mean and stuck in my own brain. But my um, my therapist, she was a really good sport. She told me later that she was used to dealing with people who would get in her face and threaten her with physical violence, so me just being mean and catty was a cakewalk apparently.”

Bella chuckled at that memory.

“She just sat there and let me be a bitch, and would ask me questions. Sometimes they would be normal ones, asking what I liked to do in my free time or what my favorite books or movies were. And sometimes they’d be really uncomfortable ones that’d throw me off balance for the rest of the session, and I’d just shut her out and not talk for the rest of it. Until...I dunno, around three or four months in of two sessions a week, I started answering them.”

Rosalie squeezed her hand lightly.

“The thing about trauma, right,” Bella began, taking a breath. “Is that it like...it literally rewrites your brain. People say that bad things can leave emotional scars, and that’s true, but it also leaves physical ones too. It actually changes how your brain is physically wired, and it means you have to put a lot of extra effort into dealing with the consequences of it.”

“Hm,” Rosalie hummed softly, looking intrigued and interested. She hadn’t looked away from Bella’s face once since she started talking, and Bella had to take another deep breath to push down the flustered feeling starting to creep up her neck.

“So one day she explained that to me and told me that...that I wasn’t here because she thought she could just cure me and I’d be happy again and live my life like normal. She said that was only how ignorant people thought of mental health. She told me that recovery is more like…”

Bella searched her memories for the right words, huffing in mild frustration when they wouldn’t come to her.

“That recovery is more like a marathon you never stop running,” Bella said when the words finally came to her. “With your trauma always a couple miles behind you. With coping mechanisms and a better understanding of yourself and your mind, you can gain a lot of distance on it, and you can rest more often, but you can’t get complacent otherwise it catches up to you again. And sometimes you trip and fall and it catches up to you, and you have to start over, but that’s fine. That’s normal. Recovery isn’t linear,” Bella continued, finishing with three words that had been bashed into her brain with a sledgehammer over and over again.

“That must have been hard,” Rosalie murmured.

“Extremely,” Bella laughed, shaking her head. “God it was hard. It felt nearly impossible at first, like nothing I did worked and I was just doomed to be a total screw-up forever. I remember telling my therapist that maybe I was just uniquely broken and I’d be stuck like this forever, and she just...gave me this infuriating little smile and told me to keep it up and that I was improving more than I thought I was. And you wanna know the worst part?”

Rosalie tilted her head slightly to the side as Bella laughed again.

“She was right. God I was so pissed. Her dumb little routines and affirmations and coping mechanisms, her techniques for rerouting my thoughts from bad ones into neutral ones or good ones, they were all working. Slowly, but they were working. They were kicking my ass and I felt like shit, but I was getting better so I couldn’t stop. Once I started on the meds it was easier, but I still had to do the hard work. The medication...provides the foundation for me to do that work, but I still had to do it.”

Bella took another breath and turned to face Rosalie.

“So...so I get it. I really, really do get it,” she said firmly. “You can either tell me the details behind it all, or you can just leave it vague forever. It’s not really important and I never need to know unless you want me to. But...something really important that I had to learn, and that you do too, is that while your trauma isn’t your fault , the way it makes you act is your responsibility.”

Rosalie’s face hardened slightly but she nodded. There was a steely glint in her eyes, and she looked...determined. Bella felt a little weight come off her shoulders, having fully expected Rosalie to put her walls back up and snap at her.

“You have to own up to your own actions,” Bella whispered. “Not just to me, I know you’re apologizing for hurting me and I appreciate it...but it’s all really for nothing unless you really internalize this part moving forward. The idea that...that you can’t keep treating people like that without consequence.”

Sighing heavily, Rosalie nodded.

“Emmett helped me come to terms with that,” she said quietly. “For so long I’ve wanted to just...blame my family members for not understanding me or my feelings, for treating a conversation with me like the defusal of a bomb almost by default. But Emmett, and Alice in a way I suppose, knocked it into my head that…”

Rosalie pushed her other hand through her hair and ruffled it a bit, sighing again.

“That you can’t expect people to understand you when you don’t talk to them,” she said with a wan smile.

“Yeah,” Bella chuckled, smiling back. “That’d definitely be a start.”

“You and Emmett are easy,” Rosalie admitted. “Emmett never let my attitude deter him in the first place and you’re...you. But the rest of my family…”

She groaned softly and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“It’s just harder,” she said simply. “I don’t really know what to do. I don’t know how to invite them to be closer to me, because I am...me. I don’t know what that looks like. It doesn’t help that Carlisle and Edward and Alice all infuriate me to differing degrees. And I’m not even sure I want to get close to them.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Bella said simply, shrugging. “I mean, maybe I’m a little biased because she’s my best friend, but I do think you should give Alice a shot. She’s had some revelations of her own while you’ve been...away, and I think you’ll want to talk to her. I know she wants to talk to you.”

“She didn’t write me for Christmas,” Rosalie muttered. “I thought she didn’t want to speak to me at all.”

“She did,” Bella said, nodding. “She just doesn’t want to give it to you before talking to you in person. I think she also rewrote it a few times, after a few conversations we had.”

Rosalie blinked and Bella smiled softly.

“Alright,” Rosalie said quietly, nodding. “I’m going to primarily focus on making an effort with you, Emmett, and Esme. And Jasper because frankly I’ve been awful to him over the years. But I’ll try and make an effort with Alice too.”

Bella frowned.

“What do you mean about Jasper? I thought you two were close?” she asked, confused.

“We are…” Rosalie said hesitantly. “As close as one could really claim to be to me, as it were. But...well, due to my own past I’ve always...judged him on his. And after much contemplation, which has been reinforced by our own conversation so far today, I’ve realized that I’ve been...very unfair to him on occasion and he doesn’t deserve that.”

Bella nodded. She could understand that.

“He was worried about me coming here today but I think after he hears that it went well he’ll just be happy to see you again,” she said warmly. Rosalie nodded, looking pensive. After a few more moments of silence Bella took another big breath and spoke. “So...the elephant in the room should probably get addressed sooner rather than later, yeah?”

Rosalie looked curiously at her.

“Y’know,” Bella mumbled. “The whole...penguin thing.”

Rosalie laughed again, covering her mouth with her hand. Bella flushed bright pink and wanted to hide her face, but Rosalie was still holding onto her hand and she didn’t want to let go yet. So she endured it as Rosalie giggled for a few more moments.

“Yes,” she said, amusement still thick in her voice. “I suppose we should. Seeing as I’m the one who royally screwed everything up I am perfectly content leaving that particular ball in your court and you can decide how you’d like to approach this.”

“Just...just to confirm,” Bella said haltingly, feeling very embarrassed still. “Because we haven’t said it out loud to each other yet and I just...we are mates, right? I’m not crazy?”

Rosalie smiled and nodded.

“You aren’t crazy,” she murmured, giving Bella’s hand another reassuring squeeze. “We are most certainly mated. I’ve spent enough time avoiding and burying the signs to know it.”

Bella sighed in relief and nodded.

“Thank god,” she mumbled. “I was pretty sure I was right but there was still some small part of me that wasn’t going to be sure until you said it and I was really worried about looking incredibly stupid for thinking it.”

“Well, that part of you has been satisfied I hope,” Rosalie said, still clearly amused by Bella’s thought process and words.

Bella nodded in reply.

“As for how I want to um, approach it,” Bella mumbled, reaching up and scratching the back of her head awkwardly. “I mean the fact that I basically threw myself at you the moment I saw you probably answers that I think?”

Rosalie shrugged.

“Regardless of how you want to approach this, the feelings of the bond will be there. I wasn’t going to interpret any of your actions one way or the other because of that, and I’d rather hear it in plain words from you what you’d like to do.”

That actually made Bella feel a lot better, that Rosalie was being so insistent on having her clear consent for...whatever was going to happen next. Bella tried to remember the words she’d rehearsed in her mind for the past week, but was coming up completely blank.

“You know,” she grumbled in mild annoyance after a few minutes. “I’ve spent all week trying to think of what to say to you about that and now that I’m here I can’t remember a damn word.”

Rosalie just smiled.

“Just talk,” she said quietly. “According to Emmett that’s all we really need to do, and it’s worked out so far. Just talk and be honest and I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”

Bella nodded slowly and acquiesced, letting her stream of consciousness take over.

“Obviously I really like you,” she started. Rosalie smiled a bit wider. “And I want there to be something here. And...to be honest, I’m also trying really hard to stop being the type of person who lies to herself so I also don’t want to give you some nonsense about ‘oh let’s just be friends for now’ and have us both anxious and toeing the line on what exactly constitutes friends until one of us inevitably pushes the line a bit too far for friends so that neither of us can ignore it and whoever did it ends up freaking out and it’ll be a whole...thing.”

That got a small amused huff of air out of Rosalie and Bella smiled a little.

“Because...I don’t want to just be friends with you,” she said slowly, taking a breath. “I want more. Like, a lot more. I’m just...scared.”

Rosalie nodded, waiting for her to continue.

“I know you’ve apologized,” Bella said, feeling her stomach twist with guilt and unhappiness. “And I really, really want to forgive you. And I fully believe everything you’ve told me so far today is the truth. But...I can’t forgive you yet.”

She winced slightly, waiting for Rosalie’s walls to go back up. Waiting for the rejection, the snapping, the venom.

But it didn’t come.

Rosalie looked a bit saddened, yes, but she kept a firm hold of Bella’s hand and simply nodded.

“I don’t really think I can blame you, honestly,” Rosalie sighed quietly. “I didn’t invite you here with the thought of having your forgiveness in the span of one conversation, faint wishing-star hopes aside. All I ask for is a chance. A chance to move forward with you and earn your forgiveness, properly.”

Bella sighed heavily in relief and nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah I can do that. I can’t like...give you instructions, trust me I wish I could, because...honestly even I don’t know what to do,” Bella mumbled. “I just...can’t stop thinking about what you said, and how...cruel and mean you sounded. It makes me feel kinda sick in my stomach and even just sitting here next to you I feel on edge, like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and for you to cut me away again.”

Bella could see in Rosalie’s eyes that her words had stung her deeply, but she steeled her nerves. They needed to be said, and Rosalie’s response to them would inform their future plans greatly. So she waited with anxious, bated breath as Rosalie processed what she said.

“All I can do is promise you that it will never happen again,” Rosalie said quietly. “I can’t promise that I won’t have...problems. I don’t foresee them being so drastic as to make me wish to cut you away again but if I fear that I will lose control of myself and am close to doing such a thing I will talk to you first and seek...help. I will have problems with my family, most likely, and problems in...other areas, between us. But I can swear to you right now that I will never repeat what happened that night in any capacity. We might argue or fight, we might speak...harsh words to each other. But no matter what I will never leave like that again.”

Several pounds of weight lifted off Bella’s shoulders from Rosalie’s words. Yes, they were just words, and Bella wouldn’t be completely reassured of them without time passing and Rosalie showing the truth of them, but Rosalie spoke with such a firm resoluteness to her tone that Bella couldn’t help but believe her at least a little bit.

“Thank you,” Bella whispered.

Rosalie nodded.

She thought a bit more and came to a decision. Nodding to herself she sat up a little straighter and took a breath, with Rosalie snapping to her attention as soon as she noticed Bella’s demeanor change into an air of finality.

“Okay,” Bella said firmly. “As much as I would love to try and pretend that we can have a normal relationship with a normal progression of events, ideally starting with you taking me out on a date and we see how it goes from there, I think that would ultimately be an exercise in delusion. Our relationship is not, nor has it ever been, normal. Trying to pretend otherwise is just...stupid.”

Rosalie chuckled and nodded.

“We’re clearly both motivated to pursue this to the bloody end, whatever that looks like,” Bella said seriously. “Pretending that we’re just...testing the waters, or that we’re having a ‘trial run’ of being...involved, would just feel insulting to what we both feel, I think. Correct me if I’m wrong but at this point neither of us are under any illusions that this can end in anything other than ‘forever’ or ‘apocalyptic’ right?”

“An apt choice of words that I’d agree with, yes,” Rosalie concurred with equal parts amusement and firmness in her voice.

“I want to become one of you,” Bella said quietly, her voice taking on a gravitas that far outweighed her small, demure appearance. “That means forever. And if everything Carlisle told me about mate-bonds is accurate, once I become one of you, even if...things between us can’t ever be fixed I won’t ever want anyone else.”

Rosalie nodded. She didn’t need to use her words for Bella to know her sentiment was shared, it was written plainly on Rosalie’s face.

“I don’t care what we label it,” Bella said, her eyes flickering in the firelight. “Call us girlfriends, mates, life partners, one day I’m sure you’ll have designs for putting a ring on my finger and calling me your wife. But to be honest, none of that matters to me right now. Maybe it will in the future but right now the label doesn’t matter. What matters to me is that whatever we do, we do it side by side. No more secrets. No more lies. Whatever we’re feeling, we give each other full honesty. Even if we need some time to ourselves, some space apart, we never stop communicating and being honest and we will always come back. Deal?”

They were already holding hands, but Bella let go of her grip specifically to hold her hand out to shake, looking Rosalie in her eyes.

Rosalie took a few moments to process everything Bella said, but Bella wasn’t worried as she sat there waiting. The look on Rosalie’s face had already given away what she was feeling, and Bella didn’t need Jasper’s gift to feel it mirrored within herself.

Slowly, Rosalie stuck out her hand and firmly grasped onto Bella’s, and they shook.

“Together,” Rosalie murmured. “No matter what happens.”

“Together,” Bella agreed. “Like I signed off in my letter...forever yours.”

Rosalie’s eyes widened slightly as Bella felt her heart in her throat.

“And as I said in mine,” Rosalie whispered after a moment. “Forever yours in turn.”

Time slowed down around them as Bella stared deeply into Rosalie’s golden, glittering eyes. It wasn’t like the first time, where she seemed to be jerked into Rosalie’s gravitational pull against her will.

This time, Bella stepped willingly into it.

This time, Bella pulled Rosalie forward by her hand and took Rosalie into her own pull.

Rosalie slid off the couch and moved in front of Bella, kneeling in front of the chair. Bella looked down at her face, their hands still clasped together, their eyes still locked. Bella’s other hand slowly came up and cupped the side of Rosalie’s face, her thumb gently stroking Rosalie’s cheekbone right underneath her eye.

She felt a pressure on her thigh and realized Rosalie had rested her other hand there.

Neither of them said a word, only staring into each other’s eyes as Bella held Rosalie’s face in her hand.

Then, slowly, Bella began to lean forward.

Giving Rosalie plenty of time to back away.

To leave.

To deny her.

But Rosalie did none of those things and simply stared with wide eyes and lips gently parted in surprised joy as Bella leaned closer. When their foreheads touched, they closed their eyes. Bella continued stroking Rosalie’s cheek with her thumb as she gently rubbed her nose against Rosalie’s.

Bella moved a little bit closer. Rosalie’s skin was cool to the touch even in the fire-warmed room, cool against her forehead and her hand and her nose.

She got a little closer.

Rosalie’s hand that was on Bella’s thigh lifted and moved to the back of Bella’s head, once again gently stroking her hair. Then Rosalie spoke, words so soft that Bella wasn’t entirely sure she heard them.

“I’ve always loved your hair…” Rosalie murmured.

“You can touch it whenever you like,” Bella responded, her heart speeding up at the gentle tickle of Rosalie’s breath across her lips. They were so close now, and all Bella could feel was Rosalie’s skin on her face and hand, and Rosalie’s hand in her hair.

She moved a little closer, and Rosalie finally met her halfway, closing the rest of the distance between them and gently slotting their lips together. In a moment, Bella understood exactly what people meant when they said kissing could be like fireworks.

Powerful emotions blossomed in her core as Rosalie’s lips melded effortlessly against hers. They were unfathomably soft, and Bella’s anxiety about how her own lips must feel chapped and awkward and rough in comparison were swept away by a wave of affection and a deep burning in her chest as Rosalie’s lips moved slightly, concluding one kiss immediately into another.

There were no more words.

None were needed.

Everything else they needed to say to each other was passed silently between them as their lips met again and again; not in a desperate, lustful way, but neither in an entirely chaste way either. Eventually Bella realized that at some point their hold on each other’s hands had been released, and Bella was now cupping Rosalie’s face in both her hands.

Rosalie’s other hand had gently settled on Bella’s waist, not moving but providing a gentle pressure that sent fire through Bella’s body.

They drank deeply from each other. Bella slowly slid off the chair and found herself carefully straddling Rosalie’s lap, releasing her face in favor of draping her arms casually around her shoulders, one hand once again on the back of Rosalie’s head.

One of Rosalie’s arms went around her waist and held her snug, the other hand still playing with Bella’s hair. Alternating between teasing and curling it through Rosalie’s fingers and stroking Bella like a cat.

Soft noises and almost-words were passed between their lips as they continued on their languid pace, neither feeling a particular desire to stop or to press forward. Both of them perfectly content to remain in this manner for as long as they could, simply taking each other in and feeling the warm, reassuring presence of the other’s body pressed up to them.

But sadly, as all good things must, it had to end eventually. Bella noticed a change in Rosalie’s breathing, that it was heavier and slightly more labored, and she pulled back a little and opened her eyes. Rosalie’s pupils were dilated, covering about half her eyes. She looked...almost drunk, for lack of a better term.

Bella, once again, knew somewhere in the recesses of her mind that she should be afraid right now. That this was a sign that Rosalie’s vampire compulsions were well awake and desiring, and she was practically a prime buffet ready for consumption. But she paid those feelings no mind, only smiling gently and pulling a hand back to softly caress Rosalie’s cheek.

“Hey you,” Bella murmured. “You look hungry. We should probably stop so you can take care of that, huh?”

Rosalie blinked and took in another labored breath, closing her eyes and shaking her head slowly.

“Not hungry…” she mumbled softly, leaning her forehead down to bump into Bella’s collarbone. “Not like that, at any rate.”

Bella felt a warm thrill run up her spine and she shivered lightly, nuzzling the top of Rosalie’s head and breathing in deeply.

Juniper berries.

Bella smiled.

“Well that’ll have to wait,” she giggled.

Rosalie’s shoulders tensed up and she pulled her head back, looking at Bella with a startled glance.

“You – oh,” Rosalie said, and Bella had a strange suspicion that if Rosalie could blush, she would be right now. “That isn’t what I meant.”

“Oh?” Bella asked, tilting her head to the side and wiggling into a slightly more comfortable position on Rosalie’s lap.

“I...you’re still human,” Rosalie said awkwardly, as if that would explain things. The nonplussed look on Bella’s face must have made it quite clear that it didn’t, so Rosalie grimaced lightly and continued explaining. Bella couldn’t help but notice and shiver at Rosalie’s fangs, prominently displayed and seemingly leaking a bit of venom. “I...the compulsion isn’t to feed or to um…”

Rosalie coughed lightly.

“To do that,” she muttered. “It’s to...turn you. You are my mate, and the bond recognizes that you are still human and...very, very much wants to remedy that.”

“Ohhh,” Bella said, nodding her understanding. “Probably shouldn’t indulge that just yet I think.”

“Probably not,” Rosalie agreed, although she did look very conflicted about it. “I won’t until you’re ready.”

Bella blinked.

“You’re willing to turn me?” she asked, surprised.

Rosalie tilted her head slightly to the side, looking confused. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because...before, you said that I would have ‘no idea what I was giving up’ by wanting to be a vampire,” Bella said, frowning. “Alice said you and Edward were always opposed to turning me unless it was absolutely necessary, for different reasons I guess, but…”

“When did Alice say that?” Rosalie asked.

Bella shrugged.

“Dunno. Somewhere in the past couple weeks. She’s been telling me all the visions she had of me,” she said quietly.

Which reminded her that she should probably tell Rosalie about Echo.

She could feel the resigned disapproval radiating from the corner of her psyche Echo occupied at that thought, but then gentle words trickled through her mind.

“I won’t stop you, Little Bird. And no, I haven’t been watching or listening. I just know when you think about me.”

Bella managed to stop herself from jumping or letting her face give anything away before thinking back.

“You tried to stop me from telling Alice. Why agree to Rosalie so easily?”

“Because she is Rosalie.”

Bella was confused by that answer but Echo retreated after that, her presence once more dull and empty. She was gone from actively being in Bella’s mind again, and Bella resisted the urge to huff in irritation.

Echo still had barely talked to her since the incident with the Spectre. The only time she had spoken since then was to promise her that she would give her more information ‘soon’, and that she was still trying to assess the timeline and figure out her own plan of action.

Apparently all of this happening to Bella at eighteen really was unprecedented, and gave Echo a lot of extra time to work with that she’d never had before. So there were a lot of uncertainties, which made Echo hesitant to speak with her much.

The only thing she gave away was that Bella being this young was either the greatest boon Echo could have asked for, or would result in disaster that much quicker, and she hadn’t quite been able to land on an answer yet.

Bella turned her attention back to Rosalie, who had started talking again.

“As a rule I’m not fond of the idea of turning humans,” Rosalie said carefully. “Humanity is...precious, and the ability to grow old and pass on is something too few of them value. Not to mention the ability to have children.”

That last sentence was spoken with a bit of strangle in Rosalie’s voice and a flash of pain in her eyes, and Bella took a mental note to prod about that later.

“But I’d sooner rip off my own head than have to watch you grow old and wither away,” Rosalie said firmly, her eyes narrowing. “I’m not thrilled about the idea of you losing your humanity, but I’m also not going to lie to myself about it and refuse to admit my own selfish desire. Besides, it doesn’t really matter what I think. Ultimately it’s your choice to make and I will respect whatever you choose.”

Bella nodded, glad that this wasn’t something she was going to have to butt heads with Rosalie over.

“Good,” she said. “Because my choice is made and I won’t change my mind. I want to be a vampire, and I don’t like the idea of growing old and leaving you behind anymore than you do.”

“That makes me happy to hear,” Rosalie admitted sheepishly. “But ah...as much as I’m enjoying this, even my own very well-refined sense of self-control is being tested at this point and it would probably be better for us to separate.”

Bella blushed lightly and nodded, quickly standing up from Rosalie’s lap and taking a few steps back. Rosalie pulled herself to her feet and took a breath, shaking her head out a little.

“I should probably hunt,” she murmured to herself. “But I’d rather not leave you alone...hm.”

“We could go outside and shout for Emmett?” Bella asked awkwardly.

Rosalie thought about it for a moment before nodding.

“That sounds fine. Let me just...oh,” she said, picking up her phone and frowning as she looked at it. “He went home.”

“...huh?” Bella asked, confused.

“He...apparently...came back to the cabin while we were...occupied with something other than talking,” Rosalie mumbled, clearly embarrassed. “And he decided that if things were going that well he should give us more space. So he went home.”

Bella knew her face resembled a tomato at that moment but she pushed through it. Vampire senses being what they were, she knew that it was only a matter of time until Emmett, and the rest of the family, heard her and Rosalie doing something far more embarrassing.

She could deal with Emmett accidentally hearing her and Rosalie make out a little.

“Okay. So what are we gonna do? Ask him to come back?” Bella asked, frowning.

Rosalie took a look out the window and sighed.

“The snow is very thick now,” she said quietly. “He can’t run properly, none of us can. It’d take him a while to get here, even assuming he hasn’t arrived home yet. No, I’ll just take you outside if that’s alright with you. I don’t need anything particularly big, just something to take the edge off so theoretically this should be very quick. I can find something small.”

Bella nodded.

“Sure, I’ll tag along. Let me just put my coat on,” she said brightly, happy that Rosalie wasn’t just going to leave her in the cabin. Plus, she was slightly curious what it looked like when a vampire fed.

Rosalie was looking oddly at her.

“You do understand that I am going to be killing and drinking the blood of an animal, yes?” Rosalie asked, her voice full of baffled amusement.

Bella blinked at her.

“Well yeah, duh,” she said, confused. “So am I one day, right?”

“Well yes,” Rosalie said, looking as though she didn’t know whether or not to laugh. “But right now you’re still human. A particularly squeamish human from what I understand.”

Bella pouted.

“If it’s not from a real person it’s fine!” she whined. “I do watch horror movies you know! And I eat meat!”

Rosalie just laughed, finally, and shook her head in amusement.

“Jasper is right,” she said quietly. “You really are the strangest human we’ve ever met.”

Bella very maturely blew a raspberry at her before pulling her coat on and letting Rosalie lead her outside. The snow was thick and Bella immediately shivered a little upon exiting the very warm and cozy fireplace-lit room.

“It’s really pretty at least,” Bella sighed as she looked at the snow.

Rosalie took her hand, which made Bella very happy even if the contact was through a very thick winter glove, and began leading her away from the cabin. But she only got a few steps before freezing up and pushing Bella behind her, scanning the area around her.

Uh oh, was Bella’s only thought before she heard the shout.

“What is the meaning of this!?”

“Motherfucker,” Rosalie muttered under her breath. “Talk about timing you asshole.”

Bella was torn between laughing and panicking and chose to instead do neither, taking a deep breath and trying to calm her nerves. Everything would be fine. If things were going to go to shit, Alice would see it, and snow-be-damned her and Jasper and the rest would be here soon.

“What have you been doing!?” came the thundering voice of Edward as his silhouette appeared through the snow. When he got close enough Bella could see his face twisted in anger, and she swallowed. He was twitchy, visibly, and it was...unsettling. “Have you been…!?”

His eyes narrowed and his face twisted further into an inhuman snarl, lowering himself into a crouch. The twitchy, small jerking motions intensified slightly. Bella could only assume that he had seen in Rosalie’s mind the events that happened earlier, and did not like what he saw. Rosalie shoved Bella back towards the porch, hard.

Bella scrambled backwards up the stairs, trying to keep her legs from shaking. Something looked very wrong with Edward, and all of her fear senses were turned up to eleven. If just talking to him when he was acting ‘normal’ had made her feel like a small prey animal in the presence of a bored housecat, this was the feeling of a rabbit being actively chased by a mountain lion.

“She’s not your mate, Edward. She’s mine. She’s always been mine,” Rosalie said, clearly and loud. “Back off before you do something you’ll regret.”

“Your mate!?” Edward sputtered, laughing painfully. “Please. As if someone as precious and fragile as her could be mated to a monster like you!”

Bella immediately felt her own flare of anger and was about to open her mouth to come to Rosalie’s defense when she saw Rosalie’s face.

Unlike every other time she’d seen her fight with Edward, she didn’t look angry or frustrated. There was no sarcasm or poison in her face.

She looked calm and steady. Her arms were crossed, and she looked simply...disappointed. Even slightly concerned, which alarmed Bella more than anything.

Bella stood up and took a step back, leaning against the cabin wall.

This was Rosalie’s fight. She wouldn’t want Bella to get in the way or call unnecessary attention to herself, putting herself in danger. She had to trust Rosalie to either defuse the situation or keep her safe to the best of your ability.

“Edward,” Rosalie said, her voice calm and clear. “I don’t want to fight you right now. This farce and obsession of yours has gone on long enough, you’re disturbing the lives of your family and taking things entirely too far. Please reconsider what I know you’re about to try and do.”

She didn’t beg, or plead. There was no compassion or warmth in her voice, only a distant, resigned acceptance. One last attempt at steering Edward away, and Bella felt the hairs on her neck stand up when Edward didn’t even blink.

“You are right about one thing,” Edward snapped. “This farce ends now. She is not your mate, you have done something to corrupt her and I am not having it! This ends now!”

Bella couldn’t help it.

When Edward flung himself at Rosalie in a blur of motion, she screamed.

The crack of their impact reverberated through the air as Rosalie, clearly anticipating this, met his lunge with her own strike, flinging him backwards through the snow. She then rolled her shoulder and growled before marching forwards.

The respite from Edward being flung to the ground only lasted a moment as he scrabbled to his feet and charged at her again.

Bella couldn’t tear her eyes away. She couldn’t move. She felt frozen.

Fist collided against flesh with an impact like a metal bat, bones cracking and the hardened skin fracturing and splintering, leaking not blood; but the venom that flowed through a vampire’s body. Rosalie was pulling her punches, not willing to hurt Edward too badly and simply trying to subdue him, but Edward seemingly held no such limitations on himself.

Tears were once more flowing down Bella’s cheeks as she watched him over and over again slam his fists, his elbows, his knees into her mate’s body, bruising and battering and breaking her. She gave nearly as good as she got, but Bella knew in the back of her head that if Rosalie didn’t start acting with serious intent to hurt Edward soon, she was going to lose.

Edward’s eyes were fully black and his expression resembled that of a feral animal, and something stirred in the back of Bella’s mind. She realized Echo was nudging a memory, a piece of information towards her.

Something Jasper had said about why Edward was obsessed with her, why it was her.

She was Edward’s singer. Her blood was enticing to him in a way nothing else was. And if Jasper’s words were to be believed, she was a particularly potent singer too for Edward to mistake the pull for that of a mate-bond.

The ferality in his glare, the animalistic way he was throwing himself at Rosalie.

“He is in frenzy,” Echo said sadly. “Your scent is already difficult for him to be around. The stress of this entire situation has overwhelmed him and his baser urges have taken over. He will kill her to get to you, at which point he will be too deep in the frenzy. He will feed on you, and you will die.”

Echo sounded...so sad. So very, very sad. Not just that Bella was in danger, but about Edward specifically. She seemed to pick up on Bella’s confusion about this and explained herself further.

“Regardless of what you think of him now, I think of that man as a brother and a friend. I have been through much with him at my side and it pains me to see him like this, so unlike himself. Your blood is strong, Little Bird, and makes it far too easy for his darkest parts to take over.”

“What do I do?” Bella whispered, too shocked to remember to not speak to Echo out loud.

“Hope. You can hope, Little Bird. Hope that Rosalie’s instincts to protect her mate outweigh and override her desire to save what is left of her brother’s soul and save him from himself. Make no mistake, she recognizes his frenzy. She knows what is at stake.”

Bella took a deep breath and shook her head slowly.

“No,” she whispered.

She could feel Echo’s surprise.

“No?”

“I can’t accept that. There has to be something I can do. I can use my gift, I can help,” Bella whispered desperately.

“There is nothing to be done, Little Bird,” Echo said sadly. “Your gift is only as useful as the magic around you allows you to be . Rosalie, as far as I am aware, does not have a gift, and Edward’s will not help you. Right now you are only a human and must let the chips fall where they may.”

Bella’s gift was only as useful as the magic around her.

Edward was the only magic in the area.

He was a mind reader.

Her mind whirled.

Could she?

She was jolted out of her thoughts when Rosalie’s limp, crumpled form slid across the ground and stopped at the base of the porch steps. Bella could see that her bones were broken in several places and her breath left her lungs. Bella felt dizzy and faint as she begged in her mind for Rosalie to get up.

But Rosalie didn’t move.

Edward wasn’t in much of a better state, but he was still standing. Whether Rosalie had held back too much and was reaping the consequences, or if Edward’s frenzy was simply strong enough to keep him going where he otherwise would have fallen, it didn’t matter.

He was still standing, and he was coming closer.

Muttering madly under his breath, eyes pitch black and nostrils flaring as he looked between Rosalie’s crumpled body and Bella.

He didn’t even look human anymore, but Bella knew that somewhere in there was a person. Somewhere in there was the brother Emmett missed and spoke fondly of, that Alice was so confused and upset could even take things this far. A son that Carlisle and Esme loved dearly.

Bella’s feet began to move.

“Bella? Bella don’t!” Echo said firmly, but Bella ignored her. Shut her out. Bella ejected Echo from her mind with her gift, throwing the projection as far to the edge of the radius as she could.

Echo couldn’t be in her mind for what happened next. She had to keep her a secret.

Bella took another step forward, stepping over Rosalie.

Shifting slightly, Rosalie lifted her head up just enough to see Bella standing in front of her.

“Be-lla…” she croaked. “Run...please…”

Bella didn’t reply.

She stared at Edward, who was still approaching. He was dragging a broken leg through the snow and cradling a shattered arm, but he was still moving forward. When Bella stopped in front of Rosalie he growled lightly and began to walk faster.

“Bella please,” Rosalie whispered, struggling to pull herself off the ground.

“I’m sorry,” Bella whispered. To Rosalie. To Edward. To everyone.

To herself.

Rosalie said something else but Bella tuned her out.

She reached for the threads of her gift and lifted her arm, sending them out towards Edward. Surrounding him, seeking his gift. She found it easily, he was always projecting it loudly outwards, threads teeming around his head in the dozens, hundreds.

It would be easier than she thought.

When Bella had spoken to Rosalie earlier about trauma and how it was a marathon you never stopped running, there was one part of it she hadn’t spoken on. About how another part of trauma wasn’t a marathon, but simply you, sitting in a house with the specter of your trauma waiting outside.

You can build walls and locks on the door made of therapy and time and love, coping mechanisms and active thinking to keep it away. Keep it out.

It may not come in, but something so many people never understand, could never understand, is just how easy it is to undo years and years of progress with the simple opening of a door.

Bella grasped onto one of Edward’s threads and pulled it forward.

He gasped loudly and paused as she pulled it into her mind before shaking his head and continuing to approach, moving a bit faster. Bella ignored him.

Her mind, unconsciously realizing what it was she was about to do, began putting years of therapy to use and started trying to reroute her. Pull her away into happier thoughts, a safer place. Obfuscated the pathways of her mind with the reflexes that came with rigorous practice.

Bella blew through it all.

Her face felt numb, and it was no longer just from the cold.

Holding firm onto Edward’s thread she led him through her mind, flashes of thought and memory passing along it. He would grunt and snarl at some of them but didn’t stop moving, didn’t stop coming forward.

Bella held on and moved until she came to the place she had taken Jasper.

The pit.

Ever-yawning, its jaws ever-open.

Ever-waiting.

She sat down at the edge.

Dull flashes crept across the thread into Edward’s mind, and he stumbled.

But he didn’t stop.

He only sped up.

Edward was maybe only twenty, twenty-five feet away from her now. He would close the distance in a matter of seconds if he chose to lunge.

Bella held tight to his thread and allowed herself to fall off the edge.

Years of work. Years of dragging and clawing, years of falling down several miles only to drag herself up further still until she was out, out and never had to go back in.

Gone.

The teeth of apathy and self-hatred scraped her skin as she fell further and further, immersing herself in memories she had long since shoved aside. Memories that, if lingered on, were practically guaranteed to send her into a traumatic tailspin.

Edward groaned as the thoughts were forcibly shoved into his mind, the experience amplified by Bella’s gift enhancing his own magic. He wasn’t just reading her thoughts, he was being forced to experience her memories.

She fell deeper.

She remembered all the times Renee had failed her as a mother, the years of neglect that started it all. Forced to grow up too young; to be a parent to her own parent. Making sure Renee ate and drank enough water, making sure she was safe, making sure she didn’t spend too much money on things they didn’t need.

Bella knew how to pay bills over the phone when she was ten.

The slow, creeping chill worked its way into her skin. The building of her self-doubt, the erosion of her self-esteem, her sense of self. Slowly replaced by a dependency on Renee’s own dependency on her, Bella’s only value being found in taking care of her mother before she was even a teenager.

She fell deeper.

The comments that Bella was ‘so mature for her age’, the difficulty she had connecting with her peers.

She fell deeper.

She was thirteen.

Bella had a friend, once. The only friend she really managed to truly keep through the years of living with Renee after the divorce, the first friend she made in Phoenix.

Anna-Maria.

Bella called her Annie.

They met when Bella was eight years old and became fast friends.

Annie had other friends, and those friends became Bella’s friends too. But she was never as close to them as she was to Annie.

They would spend time together and play together, and as they grew older and out of the desire to play pretend for hours on end began to talk. They would talk to each other about everything.

Annie was the only person Bella ever told that she wasn’t sure whether or not she loved her mom, and Annie’s only response that day had been to give Bella a hug and tell her it was alright.

Bella was pretty sure that day was the day she fell in love with Anna-Maria.

She didn’t know the words for it though, until she was thirteen.

Edward groaned in pain again, and his hand was no longer cradling his arm, but his head. He had stopped moving forward, but Bella barely registered it as she sank to her knees, silent tears streaming down her cheeks and chilling in the cold air.

It was too late to turn back now. All she could do was keep tight hold of Edward’s thread as the thoughts and flashbacks poured through her and wait for them to be done.

Bella had deliberated for days, weeks, on what to do about her feelings towards Annie. Eventually she decided, with her nerves on fire, to confess.

And to her infinite joy, Annie felt the same way.

She could still taste the faint flavor of Annie’s cherry lip gloss.

For half a year, Bella was happy. Annie whispered promises that once Bella turned eighteen she wouldn’t have to worry about Renee anymore and the two of them could run away together.

Annie didn’t like her family either.

Her father was a preacher.

So for six months, Bella was happy.

Bella was thirteen.

And they had gotten sloppy.

Annie’s sister, a seventeen-year-old whose name Bella couldn’t remember, arrived home early. Barged into Annie’s room and caught her and Bella kissing.

Bella couldn’t remember what the sister looked like. To her memory she was only a formless shadow of hate and anger.

She couldn’t remember what she looked like.

But she remembered the screams and the words.

Abomination.

Sinner.

Whore.

Bella was told in no uncertain terms to never speak to Annie again and was thrown out of the house.

She had gone home in numb shock, but through the evening had convinced herself it would be fine. Her and Annie were going to run away together. They could text and meet in secret, and one day they would run away together and it would be okay.

The weekend passed with Bella’s nerves on fire, but she didn’t realize that things had gone horribly, horribly wrong until school on Monday.

Everyone was looking at Bella.

She found out that day that Annie’s sister had told her parents, and her parents had spread the news, outing her. But Bella was sure that some of the students were okay with it, the conversation had come up before. Sure, there were plenty of homophobes but Bella had been certain that if the truth ever came out, she and Annie would have allies at least among their friends.

So why was everyone looking at Bella like she was a monster?

Bella didn’t find out until lunch.

Bella was thirteen.

Annie was sitting at their usual table surrounded by their friends. They looked angry and protective of Annie, and Bella was ready to join them and finally see a few friendly faces, but as she tried to approach one of the boys looked at her and told her to fuck off if she knew what was good to her, putting himself in between her and Annie.

Annie wouldn’t meet her eyes.

She sat by herself, not even eating, trying to figure out what was going on.

Through whispered gossip in the halls the rest of the day, she managed to piece it together. When Annie’s sister had outed her to her parents, Annie had told them that Bella had forced herself on her. That it wasn’t her fault.

They believed her, and the story had clearly spread through the whole school by now.

For two weeks Bella was lower than dirt, and cried so many tears her eyes were perpetually sore. She didn’t understand what was happening or why Annie would do this to her, and all she felt was scared and alone.

Bella was thirteen.

Two weeks passed where Bella was lower than dirt and when she went into school that Monday she was scared for another week to come. But there was something strange about today. People still glared at her, people still threw looks of disgust her way, but something was different.

Annie wasn’t in school.

And once again, Bella didn’t find out why until lunch.

All at once, several dozen phones went off in the cafeteria. Including Bella’s.

Annie had scheduled an email to be sent to each student she had the email address of.

Bella would not find out until much later that the email most of the students received was one admitting to Annie’s lies, that Bella had not hurt her and she was innocent. It then concluded with Annie saying not to worry about her anymore.

At the table Bella used to share with Annie and their friends there were tears.

Bella knew they must have gotten something different, but never got to find out what.

All she could remember of the rest of that day was her, sitting at her lunch table alone, staring in blank shock at the email she had received from Annie. It consisted of only two words.

I’m sorry.

It took two days for the news to come out. Jonathan, a boy Bella shared a class with, had a father who worked in the ER of the local hospital and told the story in dark, sad whispers.

His father had seen Annie come into his ER the night before her email was sent out.

She had swallowed a mixture of her father’s prescription pills and cleaning chemicals.

Anna-Maria, the girl Bella naively thought she would one day run away with and spend her life besides, had choked to death at 1:42 a.m. on her own vomit.

The death was ruled a suicide and put in the news a week later.

Bella was thirteen.

There was one memory left at the bottom of the pit.

Bella fell deeper.

Bella was sixteen.

A few years had passed.

Her depression had only worsened. Renee had begun tentatively dating Phil by this point, starting somewhere around the same time Bella went into high school. She wrote Bella’s worsening depression off as grief, even though Phil expressed concerns about something deeper as time passed and Bella did not improve. Phil tried multiple times that year after Bella’s fifteenth birthday to get Renee to take Bella to see a psychiatrist, or at least a grief counselor, only to be told the same thing each time.

“My daughter isn’t broken, Phil. She’s a beautiful, perfect little girl who’s just going through a hard time right now.”

The first year was grief that slowly warped and changed into a deep, dark depression.

On the first anniversary of Annie’s death, Bella did not eat for two weeks.

On the second anniversary of Annie’s death, Bella was held back for the first time in school. She had failed sophomore year of high school and had to repeat it.

Bella was sixteen.

The thoughts that had already seeded in her mind through Renee’s neglect had bloomed into toxic-spewing monsters, flowers of poison, doubt, and wretched hatred, filling Bella’s mind with horrid thoughts. Telling her that it was her fault Annie was dead. Her fault because she hadn’t taken care of her enough. Her fault.

Bella had failed.

Bella was a failure.

Worthless.

Useless.

Toxic.

Anyone who got near her would inevitably suffer the same fate.

A few months after Annie passed, the mutual friends Bella shared with Annie tentatively tried to apologize and mend fences, but instead Bella burned bridges.

Instead Bella burned all of them.

One by one she cut the threads connecting herself to her peers at school until she was an outcast entirely, nobody in her court. Nobody to support her. Around a third of the school believed Annie’s email to be fake and that Bella’s ‘assault’ had been the cause of Annie’s suicide.

Words she heard daily, and internalized.

Bella was sixteen, and had been fully and truly ostracized; through the combined efforts of one-third of the local school populace and her own poisoned thoughts. Repeating and reinforcing over, and over again that Bella was toxic; Bella was poison; everyone needed to stay away from Bella.

Renee, either through neglect, ignorance, or simple forgetfulness, scheduled a date night with Phil on the third anniversary of Annie’s death.

Bella didn’t remind her, and she left at four in the evening.

Alone in the house, Bella’s grief and twisted thoughts curled darker. Grew ever more sinister, ever more toxic. It was as if she had swallowed so much nightshade that it had blended with her blood and now pumped through her very heart.

Alone, Bella sat curled up in her room with the lights off and the blinds closed. Deeper and deeper she sank, her heart pumping toxins through her veins. She didn’t remember when, but eventually she stood and went to the bathroom. Bella wanted to take a hot shower. She turned the water as hot as it would go and sat in the tub, letting the water burn her skin.

At this point, she would take any feeling she could get that wasn’t numb apathy, grief, or guilt.

Pain was an old friend by now, and was a welcome distraction from the date Bella’s heart died.

But her mother had left her razor in the bathroom, unattended. On the counter.

Bella was sixteen and it was her fault her best friend was dead.

The memory from there is fuzzy. Frozen and locked behind layer and layer of defensive padding, to the point where even if she wanted to, Bella wasn’t sure she could access it. She wasn’t even sure the rest of the memory existed.

The last thing she remembered was the pounding on the door. Renee and Phil’s combined hysteric voices. The loud crack as Phil kicked the door open.

Renee sobbing hysterically as she rushed to the bathtub.

The hot water was gone.

But that was only one reason Bella felt cold.

As the memory faded and bled into reality Bella heard voices. Dull voices, distant and coming through several layers of cotton and fog. Arms wrapped around her and lifted her up and she couldn’t discern the difference, couldn’t tell if the arms picking her up were real or just the memory of Renee carrying her to the living room as Phil dialed nine-one-one.

But whether it was reality or memory, it ended the same way. With darkness covering Bella’s mind, and her slipping into unconsciousness.

Bella was sixteen, and she wanted to die.

Bella was eighteen, and she wanted to live.

~~~~~

Rosalie sat on a wooden chair in a back room of the cabin, her thoughts simultaneously feeling frozen and faster than she had ever felt them spin before. It had all happened so quickly, but the way it ended felt far too drawn out.

Part of her still felt like it was outside; crumpled in the snow with Bella’s kneeling, crying form in front of her broken body.

When Carlisle asked her what happened as he went about his task of setting Rosalie’s bones in place so they would heal properly, Rosalie wouldn’t have much to tell him past a certain point. Edward had arrived, clearly on the edge of a singer-induced frenzy and not in his right mind; she had tried to talk him down, but her thoughts about Bella were too strong to conceal and sent him over the edge.

He attacked and she defended herself and her mate.

Fat lot of good that did her, though. She didn’t realize how deep Edward was into his frenzy until it was too late, and by then all her pulled punches came back to bite her and Edward sent her crumpled and broken to the feet of her helpless mate.

It would have been an ironic end, Rosalie thought sardonically. Finally, she had Bella in her arms and wasn’t going to run away, only for it all to be ripped away from her by something outside her control.

But then Bella stepped over her, and did...something.

Rosalie didn’t really know what. It didn’t look like anything. All she knew was Bella had whispered an apology and lifted her arm, and Edward began stumbling.

Then he began groaning in pain as Bella sank to her knees, tears flooding her eyes.

Then Edward clutched his head and fell to the ground, silent except for the occasional groan as he twitched on the ground, curled up in the fetal position and gripping his head tightly.

The Cullens had arrived right as Bella finally passed out from whatever she had done, and Rosalie had seen Jasper rush to her and scoop her up in his arms without a second thought. She was in too much pain to protest properly, and despite her worries about his self-control, she trusted him to know his own limits.

Carlisle had taken her and Edward into separate rooms of the cabin and treated them both, asking her what happened. Edward was apparently catatonic, not speaking a word. Once Carlisle had set his bones properly Edward had retreated to the corner of the room, sitting down and putting his head between his knees, clutching at his hair and staring blankly at the floor.

What had Bella done to him?

That was the question all of them were asking, and Rosalie had no better answers and wanted to know herself.

Emmett had apologized to her profusely for leaving her and Bella alone to deal with that, but Rosalie had waved off his apologies and given him a tentative one-armed hug while Carlisle was working on her other one.

She told him that it wasn’t his fault, that none of them were expecting Edward to fall into a full-on frenzy.

“I need to monitor Edward,” Carlisle sighed as he finished, standing up. Rosalie had felt the venom knit the final break back together a moment ago. Although she felt incredibly sore, she was able to move around again and all her bones were back in the right place.

“Where – “ Rosalie began.

“In the main room, with Jasper,” Carlisle said gently. “Approach with caution. Jasper is...riled.”

Rosalie’s eyes narrowed and darkened slightly, and she swept out of the room without a second thought. Panic was beginning to build in her but thankfully the cabin was small and she didn’t have much distance to go until she came into the main room and found them.

Jasper was sitting in an armchair he had moved next to the fire, with Bella wrapped in blankets. She was still unconscious, her head resting on his shoulder and her brown hair spilling out from the blanket and over her and Jasper’s shoulders.

He held her in his arms, staring into the fire as he idly ran his fingers up and down one of Bella’s exposed arms. Rosalie took a few steps towards him and his eyes snapped to her, and his lip curled in a silent growl.

Rosalie froze and held her hands up.

“Nobody except Carlisle gets close until she wakes and can tell me what happened,” Jasper said, his voice low and incredibly dangerous. “Until she can tell me which one of you made her feel like that.”

Rosalie blinked in shock and worked her mouth for a few moments, trying to find the words.

“I – I don’t know...is she okay?” she whispered.

Jasper’s eyes softened slightly and he nodded towards one of the other armchairs. Rosalie pulled it close to the fire until he told her to stop, about four feet away from him. She quickly sat down and he adjusted how he was sitting, keeping Bella close to him.

“Carlisle said physically she’s fine,” he said quietly. “Exhausted. She used her gift and pushed it too hard, which contributed to her fainting. She’s asleep properly now and not just unconscious, thankfully.”

Rosalie nodded, feeling like her tongue was swollen and thick in her mouth.

“How are you – ?” she eventually blurted out, feeling sheepish and ashamed the moment the words came out of her mouth, but still full of anxiety and worry watching her mate in Jasper’s arms. She also felt a powerful jealousy and irritation watching him care for her mate, but knew she didn’t exactly have much claim to take over at the moment.

Jasper narrowed his eyes at her as her feelings hit him, and she assumed he must be waiting for her to spike him for noticing it, or waiting for the feelings of denial and for Rosalie to shunt it all aside in favor of anger or irritation.

But she didn’t.

She let herself feel what she was feeling, letting the worry and anxiety over Bella’s well-being permeate throughout her body. The jealousy was irritating and loud, but she did her best to ignore it while still processing it.

Jasper’s face softened further as the expected denial or spike of anger didn’t come.

“A lot has happened since you left,” he said quietly. “She’s been helping me. Her own gift interacts with mine in a rather fascinating way that makes it very easy to be around her, despite my control not being perfect yet and her being human.”

“Is that what’s happening now?” Rosalie asked, confused.

He shook his head.

“I was hunting every hour before we came. Just in case something happened, I would be ready,” he said. “But seeing her like that...her gift, I don’t know how or why, but when I arrived I was able to feel her. Seeing her like that, feeling what she was feeling in the moments before she fainted...I don’t think my self-control matters at this point. I won’t hurt her. I can’t. Even that part of me considers her off-limits now.”

Rosalie’s jealousy burned to a peak as quickly as it was drowned out by a newfound wave of love, respect, and...trust, for her ‘twin’ brother. The look on his face as he gazed at Bella, the protectiveness of his arms around her...Rosalie had no idea how she could have ever painted him with the brush of his past.

She found it impossible now to reconcile the two men. The Jasper she knew from the vague stories, the scars and the pain she knew existed in his heart and mind, and the Jasper she saw in front of her now, cradling a fragile, sleeping human as if she were more precious than life itself.

Rosalie had only ever seen him look at Alice that way. But with her Jasper looked at her with a different kind of love, a different kind of adoration. His eyes as he looked at Bella contained nothing but the fierce, protective love of an older brother, ready to burn the world down if it meant keeping his sister safe.

It helped that she could feel it, too. His gift was rolling off him in occasional, sporadic waves, and with each one Rosalie would get a glimpse, a hint of those feelings.

In that moment Rosalie knew that if it ever couldn’t be her who protected Bella like that, there was nobody she would trust more, nobody she would rather entrust with Bella’s safety than Jasper.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered quietly. Jasper looked at her curiously, trying to interpret the complex myriad of emotions she must be sending his way right now. “I’ve been so callous and unfair to you for years, when you didn’t deserve it. You’re a better person than I could ever be, Jasper, and I’m so proud to call you my twin brother and share my name with you. And I’m sorry I haven’t been a better sister.”

Jasper looked positively stunned at that, and where Rosalie might have once felt pride for catching him so off-guard, now she only felt sad and guilty that the concept of her caring about him and apologizing to him was so foreign that it surprised him so obviously.

He observed her for a moment in shock before a small, satisfied smile broke out on his face.

“She really got to ya’, didn’t she?” Jasper chuckled.

“You could say that,” Rosalie said, returning his small smile and dipping her head in acknowledgment.

“That’s Bee for ya,” Jasper said fondly. “Sweeter ‘n honey an’ stubborn as a mule, this one.”

Rosalie laughed lightly in agreement, and the two fell into an easy, comfortable silence.

It was so easy it made Rosalie slightly annoyed. Was this how easy it was to feel...close, and comfortable with her family? Was it really this simple?

If Rosalie could ever go back and face herself from six years ago she’d smack herself roundly across the face and lay into her so furiously the family would speak of it for decades to come.

She had been so stupid.

Wasted so much time.

Eventually Esme, Alice, and Emmett entered the room. Esme approached and spoke quietly, saying that Carlisle was taking Edward home and she was going with them. Edward still hadn’t spoken, but was finally allowing Carlisle to get physically near him again.

Rosalie looked to Alice, whose answering glance was full of guilt and worry, but also a glimmer of happiness.

“What do you see?” Rosalie asked quietly.

Alice blinked owlishly a few times. It wasn’t often that Rosalie directly asked her about her visions.

“It’s frantic and fuzzy,” she admitted slowly. “Edward isn’t capable of making many decisions at all right now, but once he is it’s going to be all over the place. Nothing bad, thankfully, whatever Bella did to him really...really sent him off-balance. The real question will be whether or not he decides to stay with the family, or whether or not he goes to Alaska.”

“What about Bella? Will he still…?” Rosalie asked carefully.

Alice shook her head.

“None of the paths I see lead to that. There’s a few paths where he even offers to let her kill him, thankfully she doesn’t accept if he does, but in all the paths he seems to finally come to his senses. The breakpoints are really about how quickly he feels up to facing the music and apologizing to Bella face to face.”

“What the hell did Bee do to him?” Jasper asked, looking torn between concerned confusion and pride.

“He won’t say. Obviously he isn’t talking now, and in any visions I try to force about me asking him about it he doesn’t tell me either. His answers are all frustratingly vague no matter how I phrase the question or how I work the conversation,” Alice muttered, looking thoroughly peeved off. “And I can’t see Bella. So. I don’t know whether or not she tells us.”

Rosalie nodded. All that mattered is that, whatever happened, whatever Bella did, Edward was done harassing her. Whether it was because Bella scared him off or because he would actually come to his senses, Rosalie didn’t care.

She just wanted Bella to be safe.

Carlisle came into the room a moment later to check on Bella one last time before leaving with Edward. Thankfully he didn’t take him through the main room, instead using a back-door. Rosalie felt herself relax knowing Edward was no longer physically present in the cabin, and her relief seemed to be mirrored between Jasper and Alice.

Emmett patted her on the shoulder a few times before leaving, not saying a thing. He just gave her a sad, sorrowful smile and a wink.

She returned the smile, hoping it communicated that there was nothing for her to forgive, and she was confident Bella would feel the same. Emmett did nothing wrong.

He had already told her a few days ago that once Bella was here, Rosalie could consider the cabin on loan to her and Bella for as long as they wanted to have some time to connect to each other without the rest of the family getting in the way.

Esme was out the door next, leaving Rosalie with Alice, Jasper, and Bella.

“I’ll go too,” Alice said after a moment. “I want to be there for Edward. Coming down from a frenzy is no laughing matter even without whatever Bella did, and he’ll need as many friendly faces as he can find.”

Before Alice could step out Rosalie rose from her chair and walked to the front door.

“Walk with me for a moment,” she said quietly, opening the door and stepping out in front of Alice.

She walked a little ways away from the cabin, close enough so she could hear if Jasper called for her but far enough that she could speak privately with Alice.

“What’s up?” Alice asked nervously, fidgeting with her clothes.

“Thank you,” Rosalie said. This was going to be the easier part of the conversation, and going through it would allow her to think about the harder half. “For watching her, after I...after I left.”

“After you broke her heart, you mean,” Alice said pointedly, crossing her arms and lifting her chin defiantly in the air. There was nothing in her face that was equivalent to her anger that night, but Rosalie winced regardless.

“Yes,” she admitted shamefully, but she refused to hang her head and met Alice’s eyes. “You kept her safe, and according to her you were the thing keeping her sane in the immediate aftermath. Thank you, for helping clean up after my mess and taking care of her. I am in your debt.”

Alice blinked again, clearly not expecting this conversational path from Rosalie.

“Oh. Um...you’re welcome. I mean, I didn’t do it for you,” she grumbled, swishing her foot through the snow. “But I know what you mean so...you’re welcome.”

“And...I’m sorry,” Rosalie sighed.

This was going to be the hard part.

Alice immediately snapped her head back up to look at Rosalie’s face, wide-eyed and stunned. Rosalie briefly wondered why Alice hadn’t seen this conversation in her visions, but she brushed the thought aside and pushed forwards.

“For over five years now you have only been doing what you thought was helpful. You were trying to make me happy, you were trying to...in your own way, keep Bella and the rest of the family safe. And I…”

Rosalie took a deep breath.

“I was stubborn, obstinate, obnoxious, and entirely unhelpful. I refused what was blatantly in front of my own nose no matter how much evidence stacked up because of my own idiocy and self-flagellation. I’ve already apologized to Bella, and now I am apologizing to you. I also would like to reserve a future conversation with you at some point because I realize now that I’ve never given you the courtesy of properly informing you why your visions about me make me uncomfortable, and I’d like to remedy that.”

Alice just stared at her.

Rosalie stared back, waiting for her to respond.

Alice didn’t move.

After a few minutes of that, Rosalie carefully reached out and poked Alice in the forehead.

“Have I broken you?” she asked, amused despite herself.

“Quite possibly,” Alice responded dumbly. “You also stole my thunder a little bit.”

Now it was Rosalie’s turn to be surprised.

“Oh?”

Alice looked very sheepish, looking down at her feet.

“Bella...may have had some very strong words with me recently about my meddling,” Alice explained, awkwardly shifting her weight back and forth between her feet. “And how I was being insensitive and not letting other people make their own choices, even if their own choices result in bad things happening. You’ve been trying to tell me that for years and years, but I didn’t want to listen to you because you were very prickly and rude, which doesn’t detract from the truth of what you had been saying to me and only made it easier for me to ignore it because I didn’t want to hear it.”

Rosalie couldn’t help it.

She started laughing.

Alice was looking at her like she had grown a second head, but she couldn’t stop. She laughed, and laughed, and eventually took a deep breath and pulled Alice into a firm, warm embrace.

“Oh how stupid are the both of us?” she said, laughing in sardonic amusement. “To think we’ve been alive for decades, dancing around each other and refusing to deal with anything real, preferring to have little fights and snippy exchanges while holding each other at a distance, for decades.”

Rosalie shook her head and pressed a kiss to the top of Alice’s head.

“And one human comes along and ruins everything,” Rosalie laughed. “In the span of a few months she’s gotten Jasper to smile and laugh more than I’ve seen since he arrived, Emmett isn’t making self-deprecating jokes about his own intelligence anymore, Carlisle and Esme somehow both feel younger, you’ve realized how much of a meddler you are and why people don’t like it, and I…”

Rosalie sighed and hugged Alice tighter, swaying lightly from side to side as Alice hugged her tightly back.

“I realized I’ve done nobody any favors and only hurt myself and the people around me with my actions for my entire life as a vampire,” Rosalie whispered. “All of this because of one silly little human who refused to take our nonsense and gave all of us a proverbial smack on the back of the head over it all.”

“Even Eddie starts doing better, I think, once he has some time to process everything,” Alice giggled quietly. “She really did just come barreling into our lives, kicking all of us up the pants.”

“We sorely deserved it,” Rosalie said firmly. “I think all of us were long, long overdue for a solid kick in the pants.”

Alice made a soft humming noise of agreement.

“If it wasn’t physically impossible for us to dream I’d wonder if that’s all this was,” Alice said after a moment. “One of the reasons I was so excited to meet Bella is because I always wanted a sister I could be properly close with. I like to think I tried with you but...maybe I should have tried harder.”

“We both could and should have,” Rosalie sighed. “But that’s the fun part about being immortal,” she continued, pulling back and holding Alice away from her, keeping her hands on Alice’s shoulders. “We have all the time in the world to try again.”

Alice smiled brightly at her and nodded.

“I think I’d like that,” she said, bouncing on her feet a little. She then threw herself back at Rosalie with another tight hug, whispering into her chest. “I missed you Rose. Don’t ever do that again.”

Rosalie hugged her back and nodded, patting the top of Alice’s head.

“I certainly don’t plan on it,” she said warmly.

Alice sighed happily before pulling away, bouncing back a few feet and smiling.

“You should go back inside. Jasper won’t leave until she wakes up, but you should be there when she does. I’m glad you two worked things out.”

She then frowned a little.

“You did work things out right? I don’t remember if you actually said it or not.”

“We did,” Rosalie hummed. “We had just finished working things out when...Edward interrupted us.”

She felt her emotions prickling at the mention of her brother.

On the one hand, a frenzy wasn’t his fault. They all knew Bella was his singer, and how dangerous Edward could be if left unchecked and emotional around her. All of them had either seen or experienced the frenzy of a singer firsthand.

But on the other hand, he threatened the life of her mate. Her hand clenched as she grit her teeth, the desire to cleave Edward’s head from his shoulders ripping through her.

Then Alice laid a hand on her arm.

“He will pay his penance,” she murmured quietly. “But if you’re open to trusting my visions now, please trust in this. From everything I see, every path I can perceive of Edward going forward, nothing you do to him is something he wouldn’t welcome and believe he richly deserves. Whatever is going on in his mind, whatever Bella did to him, he is punishing himself far more than any of us could ever dream to do to him. Once he finishes processing all of this, death would be something he’d almost welcome as an escape from his guilt.”

“So I should leave him alive to punish him,” Rosalie pondered. “I can accept that.”

Alice chuckled and shook her head, bemused.

“I suspect that’s the best I’m going to get out of you for now, so yes,” she said wryly.

“He tried to hurt Bella,” Rosalie said with a shrug. “I don’t care that it was a frenzy. I already don’t like him, and now this. Bella is welcome to do what she pleases with his apologies or offers of penance, but don’t ever expect me and him to hold hands and sing kumbaya, let alone see eye to eye.”

“No, that’s certainly not in the cards for what I see,” Alice chuckled. “I’m holding out hope that he’ll stop baiting you so much though, and that the two of you can at least learn to civilly coexist even if you don’t get along.”

Rosalie gave a single, sharp nod.

“I won’t start anything, but I will finish anything he starts,” she said.

“That’s all I can really ask for,” Alice said, nodding.

They walked back to the cabin. Before Rosalie went inside she turned to Alice.

“Even after all this, you still care about him so much,” she observed.

Alice shrugged.

“I can care about him without forgiving him for putting my sister’s lives in danger,” she said simply. A glimmer of steel was in her eyes, and Rosalie for a moment found herself face to face with the Alice without whimsy again. “And like you, I don’t care that it was a frenzy. I can’t explain it, but the only person who means more to me in this world than Bella is Jasper. And if I had lost you before getting the chance to reconcile like this...I don’t think ‘devastated’ would cover it. I won’t ever forgive him, but I can still care about him.”

“I can’t understand that,” Rosalie said after a moment. “But I suppose I don’t need to. So long as you caring about him doesn’t put Bella in danger, I don’t care what you do.”

Alice shook her head.

“Never. I already failed her once by underestimating Edward. I won’t fail her again. With Edward or with anything else, not when it comes to her safety,” Alice said quietly, scowling. Presumably at herself.

Rosalie nodded.

“Then I think that’s all I have to say on the matter,” she said. “What you do with him in your own time away from me and Bella won’t affect our relationship as sisters. I think you and I are more than capable of royally screwing that up ourselves,” Rosalie said.

Alice laughed.

“You know, I think you’re right. I’m going to try not to, but we are very different people, aren’t we?” Alice observed, tilting her head to the side slightly as she looked at Rosalie.

“We are,” Rosalie concurred. “And while I know for a fact we’ll butt heads often because of it, I find myself no longer wishing to use our differences as a reason to keep us apart.”

“Good,” Alice chirped. “Goodnight, Rose. Don’t rush in coming back to the house, I know Emmett said you and Bella can use the cabin as long as you like, and I think Carlisle is going to keep Edward under close observation for a while. Bella may not be able to stay without feeding an excuse to Charlie but that’ll be up to her.”

“Will you visit?” Rosalie asked.

Alice beamed.

“Absolutely.”

“Then I think I’ll heed that advice and stay here a while,” Rosalie grinned back. “Goodnight Alice.”

And with that Rosalie opened the door to the cabin and slipped inside. Bella was still curled up asleep in Jasper’s lap, her breathing even and steady. Jasper looked up at Rosalie and nodded in acknowledgment as Rosalie grabbed a book before she came over to sit in the armchair.

“I suppose you can come closer. If you like,” Jasper murmured quietly after a few minutes.

Rosalie shook her head.

“I’m fine here. You’re stressed enough as it is and you’re still not a hundred percent sure if you can trust me with her, which I understand completely. I don’t want to agitate you further. You’re not keeping me from being in the same room as her, so I can accept this for now. She’ll wake soon enough and settle your worries regardless.”

Jasper looked at her for a few moments, looking like he had a thousand questions, but he eventually just nodded.

Rosalie began to read by the firelight.

A few more hours passed before she closed the book and quickly set it aside, jumping to alertness. Bella’s breathing had subtly changed, and Rosalie had spent enough time listening to her breathe as she slept to know exactly when she was about to wake.

Jasper looked confused for a moment until Bella stirred, and instantly all his focus was on her.

She woke slowly, bringing a hand up to clumsily rub at her eyes. She looked blearily around for a moment before realizing who was holding her and she frowned, looking very confused.

“Jasp?” she asked, her voice raspy and dull.

“Hey Bee,” Jasper said softly. “You gave all of us a serious fright, you realize that?”

His words were reprimanding, but his voice was nothing but tenderness and care.

“M’sorry,” Bella mumbled, relaxing against his chest. “Edward came outta nowhere ‘n started fighting Rose. She was losing ‘n I had to help.”

“Well those words sound familiar,” Jasper chuckled. “Had to help, huh?”

Bella nodded sleepily.

“Jasper?” she asked after a few minutes, her voice small and frightened. Rosalie felt a burning in her throat as the instinct to protect her mate from whatever was scaring her flared up in her, but she remained seated.

“Yea, Bee?” Jasper replied quietly.

“M’sorry Jasper,” Bella whispered, hiccuping. “I did something bad.”

“What’d you do, Bee?” Jasper murmured, gently pushing Bella’s hair out of her face.

“I went into the pit,” she whispered.

Rosalie was confused. The pit? She looked at Jasper, expecting to see her own confusion mirrored. Instead she saw understanding and a deep sadness spread across Jasper’s face.

“Oh, darlin’…” Jasper sighed. “An’ you took Eddie with ya’ didn’tcha?”

Bella nodded.

“I couldn’t th-think of anything else to do,” she hiccuped. “I had to h-help. I had to stop him.”

Jasper sighed again, pressing a quick kiss to the top of Bella’s head.

“It’s alright Bee,” he murmured quietly. “It’s alright. You helped. You helped, an’ because of you Rosalie’s all good.”

“She is?” Bella asked, squirming in Jasper’s lap to sit up more, looking immediately more alert.

“She’s right there, Bee,” Jasper chuckled, nodding in Rosalie’s direction.

Bella finally turned her head all the way and saw Rosalie. Rosalie met her eyes and Bella immediately sagged in relief, pulling herself out of the blanket and off of Jasper’s lap. She quickly walked over to Rosalie and put her arms around her shoulders, sagging against her.

“Oh thank God,” Bella whispered into Rosalie’s hair. “Thank God.”

“I’m okay,” Rosalie said quietly. “I’m safe.”

When she spoke, she remembered Bella speaking the same words to her once to reassure her. A small smile broke onto Rosalie’s face as her heart practically sang.

If there were any lingering doubts on Bella being her mate, they were well and truly squashed. Even as a human, even with the mate-bond’s effectiveness dulled on her, Bella still felt the same protective instinct towards Rosalie that Rosalie felt towards her.

“I was so scared,” Bella whispered, her voice trembling. “I was so scared he was going to hurt you and I didn’t know what else to do. And now…”

She hiccuped.

“Now I’m all fucked up and I don’t know what to do now.”

Rosalie frowned and pulled Bella into her lap. Bella immediately curled up against her and pressed her body tightly to her, her hands clinging for any purchase they could find on Rosalie’s clothes or body.

“What do you mean, Bella?” Rosalie asked quietly.

“She took Edward into a deep, dark place in her mind,” Jasper sighed heavily. “Poor thing basically gave herself the mother of all traumatic flashbacks just to stop him. That’s why Edward’s catatonic, he was basically forced at gunpoint to live through someone else’s trauma. He didn’t just read her mind, she...basically forced him to relive her own memories.”

Rosalie gave a sharp exhale as Bella winced in her lap.

“Is he right?” Rosalie asked quietly, cradling Bella against her.

“Yeah,” Bella whispered. “Are you mad at me…?”

“What – honey no ,” Rosalie immediately said, shaking her head. “No, of course not. I’m mad at Edward for putting us in this position in the first place, and I’m mad at myself for my own hand in it but you? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“She’s right, Bee,” Jasper said quietly, approaching carefully and resting a hand on Bella’s shoulder. “You did the best you could with what you were given, an’ used the only tool you had to stop Edward from hurtin’ your girl. I’d’ve done the same in your position if somethin’ threatened Alice like that an’ that was all I could do to stop it.”

Bella nodded slowly, her whole body trembling. After a few moments she spoke again, her voice so quiet nobody except those with vampiric hearing could have picked it up.

“I don’t think I’m okay.”

“Thas’ alright,” Jasper said soothingly. “You’re allowed to not be okay. You’ve done a fantastic job, an’ now you just rest up alright? You ain’t gotta lift another finger.”

Rosalie nodded.

“You’ve done so much to help all of us recently,” she murmured quietly. “Now it’s our turn to take care of you, okay?”

Bella laughed weakly. It was a combination of a small laugh and wet hiccups.

“I don’t really know how to do that,” she whispered. “Let someone else take care of me. S’usually the other way around. Even after you left and I was really upset, Alice and Jasp didn’t really do much. Just kinda sat with me while I moped.”

“Then we can do that,” Rosalie said patiently. “Emmett said you and I can use the cabin as long as we need to, we can have space and time to ourselves.”

Bella breathed out. It was long and trembling, and she closed her eyes as Rosalie held her tighter.

“Okay,” she said quietly. “Can Carlisle get me out of school? I really don’t think I can handle that right now. Honestly I might just drop out. I’m gonna be a vampire soon enough anyway and get plenty more chances to do high school again.”

Jasper laughed.

“Darlin’, if I know Carlisle Cullen half as well as I think I do, he’s already got thirty different ideas runnin’ through his head about how to get you out of school. He saw just as well as the rest of us how messed up you are right now and he won’t even blink over it. The problem’ll be Charlie.”

Bella huffed lightly.

“Charlie knows a bit of my history. It won’t be...fun, but I’m gonna call him and tell him I had a relapse. Carlisle can tell him that his professional opinion is that I should stay out of school, and I’ll tell him that I’m dropping out and getting my GED in a lower-stress environment. And then we’ll tell him about the cabin, we can say Carlisle owns it and Alice offered to bring me and let me stay for a while to get back on my feet. As long as he can come visit once or twice he’ll buy it, I think.”

Jasper and Rosalie both nodded in agreement.

“That sounds like a plan to me,” Rosalie said quietly. “I’ll have Emmett get a bed set up in one of the rooms. None of us sleep so there hasn’t really been a need for one, but I’m sure he can have one set up in no time.”

“I can just sleep on the couch,” Bella protested lightly. Rosalie scoffed.

“You absolutely will not, no more than is necessary,” she said firmly. “You can sleep on the couch tonight but Emmett is coming tomorrow and putting a bed in and I’ll not hear a word to the contrary. Understand?”

Bella huffed again.

“Yes ma’am,” she grumbled playfully.

Rosalie smiled. The fact that Bella felt good enough to rib her a little bit spoke volumes about her mental prognosis, and if a few weeks away in the cabin had helped Rosalie, it would hopefully do the same for Bella.

“I won’t stick around the whole time but I’ll be here as often as you want me,” Jasper said quietly. “Personally I think if I have to look at Eddie right now I’ll tear his damn head off myself, but Alice would be right put out by that so I’ll just have to keep away from the bastard.”

Rosalie snorted.

“Tell me about it,” she grumbled.

“No killing your brother,” Bella scolded lightly, blindly reaching up and patting Jasper’s cheek. “That’s rude.”

“I ain’t gonna kill him Bee,” Jasper grumbled lightly. “Jus’ gonna let him run ‘round without his head for a bit. It’ll be funny.”

“No,” Bella said firmly.

“Can I do it?” Rosalie asked, smiling.

“No!” Bella said emphatically. “If he does it again you can kill him. I don’t care. But tonight he wasn’t...something was wrong. I want to hear him at least explain himself before I sic two angry Hales on him.”

Not wanting to ruin the tentative good mood, neither aforementioned angry Hale wished to explain to Bella what a singer frenzy was. So Rosalie rolled her eyes and Jasper huffed, but it was all good-natured teasing and Bella just grumbled at them.

Then Bella asked a question Rosalie wasn’t expecting at all, and from the look on his face, she guessed Jasper wasn’t either.

“When I’m one of you, do I have to be a Cullen?” she asked quietly. “I don’t like my last name, so I do want to be someone new. But do I have to be a Cullen?”

Rosalie and Jasper exchanged a glance before Rosalie looked back at Bella.

“I...suppose not, no. Carlisle might be a little hurt, but he’ll get over it,” Rosalie said carefully, remembering Carlisle’s slightly put-out attitude when she kept her surname, and again when Jasper had requested of her to share it.

“I don’t want to share a last name with Edward,” Bella grumbled.

That got a laugh out of Jasper, and he patted her shoulder.

“Well then you certainly don’ have to, Bee,” he chuckled.

“What were you thinking?” Rosalie asked quietly.

Bella sat up and moved herself so she was straddling Rosalie’s lap. Jasper was standing behind the chair, so she was able to look at both of their faces. She looked very serious, but Rosalie couldn’t help but smile.

“I want to be a Hale,” she said firmly. “I love Alice. And I’m really fond of Esme and Emmett and Carlisle. But, well…” she said, squirming a little in a sudden onset of shyness. “Rosalie...you're my mate and...Jasper’s the only one who’s had my back this whole time. About Edward, with my gift, with...everything. You two are special to me in a way the others...aren’t. Not that Alice and Emmett aren’t special! But…”

“I understand,” Jasper said quietly. Rosalie couldn’t see his face, because she was looking at Bella with wide eyes and a powerful warm feeling blossoming in her chest, but she could hear the smile in his words. “But it ain’t my name to give, even though I’d be happy for you to share it.”

Bella looked at Rosalie.

Rosalie looked back.

“We haven’t even been officially together for a day,” was the only thing Rosalie could think to point out at that moment.

Bella raised an eyebrow.

“Rose you’re my magically-chosen soulmate. I’m going to become a super-strong, super-fast meta-human that drinks blood and can bounce other people’s magic around like a ping-pong ball and if Carlisle is right, once that happens the mate-bond will get a lot stronger for both of us. I don’t think we can really measure our relationship by traditional metrics and like I told you earlier, labels really aren’t important to me.”

“I – “ Rosalie stammered.

“You don’t have to say yes now,” Bella murmured. “Just say yes someday. Okay?”

All Rosalie could do was nod.

“Well,” Jasper said, his voice thick with amusement. He held out a hand towards Bella. “It’s mighty lovely to meet you, Miss Bella Someday-Hale.”

“Bella Hale doesn’t really work,” Bella said, frowning. “And...I think when I turn, I want to leave Bella Swan behind. I won’t ever forget her, I won’t ever forget being me, but there’s so much...pain and unhappiness here,” she said quietly, tapping the side of her head with a finger.

After another few moments she continued.

“I want to be someone new. That’s what recovery really is, at the end of the day. Figuring out who you are without the trauma and the depression running your life. That’s what I’ve been trying to do this whole time, and if I have to get a whole new identity anyway, I can leave the name behind too...but I don’t want to leave this me behind altogether. And...I like the sound of ‘Isabella Hale’ a lot more than ‘Isabella Swan’, which just sounds like a silly fairy name.”

“Isabella Someday-Hale, then,” Jasper laughed.

Bella smiled and took his hand, shaking it.

There was still shadows and darkness in her eyes, and a faraway look hovering just underneath the surface of her expression that gave away the turmoil going on beneath the moment of laughter. Rosalie knew that no matter Bella’s humorous or jokey manner, there was something deeply, deeply wrong that had been set off by the events tonight.

But as she looked at her mate as she began to converse with Jasper, smiling and laughing about...something Rosalie wasn’t paying attention to, the words wouldn’t leave her mind.

“Just say yes someday. Okay?”

“Isabella Someday-Hale,” Rosalie murmured under her breath, quiet enough so only Jasper caught it. He didn’t miss a beat in conversing with Bella though, and let Rosalie process it all at her own pace.

A week ago, Rosalie hadn’t been sure Bella would ever want to talk to her again.

Three days ago, Rosalie had only just ironed out with Emmett exactly what she wanted to say.

Eighteen hours ago, Rosalie was worried she was going to forget all of it as soon as she saw Bella’s face and that would be that, Bella would walk away and she would have squandered her chance.

Yet somehow, here Bella was. Sitting casually in Rosalie’s lap, speaking about her one day taking Rosalie’s last name as if it were a given fact, an inevitability.

Maybe , Rosalie mused quietly in her mind. Maybe destiny and fate aren’t so bad after all, if they brought me you.

I think I’d be okay with that.

Rosalie wrapped her arms softly around Bella’s torso and leaned close, closing her eyes and resting her cheek on Bella’s collarbone. Bella made a brief, pleased sound of surprise before draping her arms casually around Rosalie and continuing her conversation with Jasper.

I think I’ll be okay with all of this.

No matter what happens, as long as Bella is by my side, I think we’ll be okay.

Little did Rosalie know that Bella was having an internal monologue of her own, using her conversation with Jasper to mask over her own whirling thoughts.

~~~~~

I basically just asked Rosalie to marry me someday and neither of us ran away screaming. That’s got to be a good sign, right?

Bella was rambling to Jasper about a book she was reading, again, for English class, but she was barely paying attention to the words coming out of her own mouth.

Bella had never believed in fate.

The stories about chosen heroes and children of prophecy never struck her fancy, never intrigued her.

Bella had always preferred stories about ordinary people, and the fascinating complexity and interplay of their own tangled, sordid lives.

Maybe, she thought idly as her mouth completely disengaged from her thought process, babbling on and on about the book. Maybe sometimes fate and ordinary lives are one and the same.

Maybe fate isn’t so bad after all, if this is the family I can look forward to because of it.

When Rosalie leaned forward and embraced her, Bella made a soft noise of surprise before happily hugging her back, her thought process and her rambling to Jasper only slightly stalling out before she picked it back up.

I think I can be okay with this.

She knew she would have to deal with the consequences of what she did to Edward. Both in terms of whatever fallout he would experience as a result, and having to put back together the pieces of her own mind.

They weren’t quite as fractured and scattered as they used to be, nor was it as bad as she was expecting, but she could feel the shadows lurking around the edge of her consciousness, and she wasn’t talking about Echo.

Bella knew she was in for a rough couple weeks as she put herself back together.

But with Rosalie in her arms and Jasper’s self-assured, confident eyes looking back at her...if this was her new support system, rather than a mostly-absent Renee and a well-meaning but ultimately distant Phil, Bella had a sneaking suspicion that getting through the next few weeks would be a cakewalk compared to what came before.

No matter what happens, as long as I have Rosalie with me, I think I’ll be okay.

I think we can beat anything, as long as we do it together.

~~~~~

Deep underground, somewhere in the mountains of Eastern Europe

~~~~~

A coffin, ornate and carved from granite and filigreed with silver and gold, was the centerpiece of the tomb.

The air was stale. No passage to the outside had been made for centuries, if not millennia.

Thankfully, the occupants of the tomb did not need to breathe.

A man, with wild, medium-length hair sat cross-legged in front of the tomb. He wore simple, plain clothes that looked ancient, but not quite as ancient as the man who wore them. His eyes were closed, and he did not breathe.

He could have been mistaken for a statue.

A voice, unused for untold eons, came crawling from the man’s throat like a spider crawls from the mouth of a corpse. It was as raspy as bone dust, thin and weak.

“She has taken her first step,” the voice hissed. “The tomb will open. The girl will come.”

The man’s eyes opened, revealing inky, pitch-black eyes. He bared his teeth, revealing a set of long, imposing fangs.

“And at long last, I will be free. Free to cleanse the world of my mistake. This I swear to you, my brother. My penance will soon be paid and my debt to you wiped nearly clean. Then, and only then, will I repay my debt to you in full, and end my own sordid, wretched life.”

The man stood.

He felt the craving roiling beneath his skin, his fangs leaking a small trail of venom down to his chin. He raised a hand and wiped it away.

Even he, in all his power, all his mastery of his curse, was still a slave to it. Still a slave to the hunger.

“Not yet,” he whispered. “Twelve more years, and then I shall feast. I shall grow my power, bring all of them to kneel before me. And then…”

He lashed out with his fist and slammed it into one of the stone walls of the tomb, sending spiderwebbed cracks through the rock.

“Then I will cull them all.”

~~~~~~~~~

END OF PART ONE – A SINGLE DROP OF COLOR

~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

Notes:

And there we have it.

A Single Drop of Color is complete. There is your Act One finale of the overall story, which I have decided to name Until We Return to Ash and Dust. I believe I accomplished all of my goals here! Namely, Bella and Rosalie went from a slow-burn build-up to a lightning fast, whiplash-inducing fast burn right at the end into gooey lovey happiness, which will be expanded on in the story going forward. The rest of the Cullens were mostly established, with the primary focuses being Bella's friendships with Alice and Jasper. The plot hooks were seeded throughout the story with Echo, the Spectres, the 'prophecy' esque words they spoke, and a surprise special guest at the end of this chapter~

Part two is named Echoes of Bygone Futures, and as you may be able to guess from the title, one of the main prongs of Act Two focuses on...Echo! Mainly, Bella's internal relationship with Echo and learning about her and the future she's trying to prevent/mitigate. The others are Bella and Rosalie's romantic relationship continuing to progress and evolve, and Bella going through How To Be A Vampire 101, from the preparations and leaving her human life behind to becoming a vampire and learning how to deal with everything that comes along with that. Three main forces for Part Two to focus on with its own set of goals, and a small suite of minor subplots and goals to accomplish as well. One such subplot being Edward!

Edward's redemption is going to be something that happens...somewhat in the background. He comes into focus later in the story but only after he's done a lot of work on himself, and because there's no reason for him to do that within ten feet of Bella or Rose, who are the primary vehicles through which the story is told, there isn't really much of a reason for them to see it happening. They only get snippets of it from what they hear from the people who will be with him like Carlisle and Alice, and they see the aftermath and have to figure out where *they* want to move forward with this...new Edward. But what Bella did to him is going to have a very severe impact on him. Saying this in the nicest way I can, Edward is That Type Of Man who believes his suffering is unique and nobody can understand him.

Bella's actions force him to come to terms with the fact that no, his suffering is not unique, and if other people have been through things just as bad if not worse and can still go through life like Bella is now, wanting to improve herself and bring happiness to others, he certainly has no fucking excuse.

I'm not going to commit to exactly *when* the first chapter of Echoes will be up and available but knowing me and my speed of writing, you can comfortably expect it within the next week or two. I'm going to TRY and take some time off, mostly because this week is my birthday! But if the inspiration demon decides to forcefully shove me out of the drivers seat and irritate me until I write, well, I guess that'll happen.

I'm endlessly excited to take you on this journey with me through all its incoming ups and downs. And I'm going to make you a promise right now: While I'm going to introduce LOTS OF DRAMA with very high stakes and may do some very mean things to our lovely girls and boys, I can promise you that I'm not going to break Rosella up at all (any of their interpersonal relationship struggles will not result in stupid contrived angst. they will struggle, but they will resolve their struggles like mature adults.), and both of them end this story very much ALIVE.

Echo however...yeah Echo might make some people cry. She's been through some shit, and you really start to get to know her more in Part 2. While her identity is shared with one of the characters in 'present time' that we've already met, her experiences and repeated loops have made her a person all on her own very much separate from the person with whom she happens to share a name and face with. Her identity reveal will also come in Part 2. I haven't decided exactly when yet, I'm torn between three different reveals at three different points, it is DEFINITELY happening before Bella is a vampire.

Anyway. Enough of my rambling.

To each and every one of you who leaves comments, I adore and love you and it is YOU who gave me the motivation to get through the early hump of writing any longfic and arrive at the point where I feel comfortably settled in for the long haul. I shamelessly crave the validation I get from comments but I like to think it's not in a vain egotistic way, but because it genuinely makes me happy when someone enjoys my story. I write for myself, yes, but there really isn't anything quite like the euphoria of someone taking a piece of art you've poured your soul into and going "I really like this".

I will see you soon with the first chapter of Echoes. Till then~

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of Until We Return to Ash and Dust