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#'am i that ugly?' lmao #op i hope you dont mind me adding on but i do love out there hatake lore and i am so mad that we basically only get two canon hatakes #i swear i didn't mean to end the feud prematurely #the hatake just decided to highjack my writing :( #i dont know if I want them to return to their present actually #i kind of like the idea of team ro turning into feral wolf boys #shizui would have so much fun :)

There are so many naruto time travel fics out there but what I need SPECIFICALLY is an ANBU era team of Kakashi, Tenzo, Itachi, and Shisui getting flung into the founders era.

Like. Ok just looking from the political side of it that's;

A) 2 very young and VERY powerful Uchiha's (one of which is the future clan head!! Politics!!)

B) A very fucked up baby mokuton user who's still in the middle of being deprogrammed and can totally pass for Senju

C) The free wild card that is Hatake clan lore on top of having a stolen sharingan. On top of *that* him being the team leader of a team of kids who, in the time period context, should both be at eachothers throats and probably not be expected to obey the commands of someone not only from another clan but a way smaller one

Theres SO much potential there!! So many political implications in virtually ALL of the directions!!!!

Yk what as I'm typing this out I'm having ✨️ideas✨️ so let's make some story points to sort those out:

• I think itd be neat to have this happen like. A year? Ish? Before the massacre? So age wise, and full disclaimer I'm referencing Google and Wikipedia rn so I could totally be wrong, I think that's :

Kakashi (18)

Tenzo (17)

Itachi (12)

Shisui (15)

Could be wrong about the ages but honestly it's my world you're just living in it, so.

Then me going totally purely off of my own headcannons, were going to say they came in a about a year before Izuna died and place the founders ages as:

Madara (23)

Hashirama (23)

Izuna (19)

Tobirama (18)

Big fan of Tobirama being the youngest between the 4 but projecting the aura of someone as old as like. Idk, however old Madara is. Very funny to me, 10/10

• I'm personally a big fan of dogteeth kakashi so we're running with that all the way home. Also a huge fan of the "Hatake's are a distant, more feral cousin of Inuzuka clan" hc along with some sprinklings of "back in the day they had a bit of a Reputation(tm) for being a 'lill wild, and everyone generally tries to avoid them. Which isn't too much of a problem because theyre a very small out of the way clan from Iron, they just have a big reputation in contrast to their size.

In more modern times tho, along with (obviously) having dwindled down to a single depressed teenager, they've become a lot tamer over the years due to village life. Kakashi is a Hatake, 100%, but he is NOT up to the standards of this time. Which becomes a bit funny when people see him, go "oh FUCK it's a Hatake" and then start edging slowly towards the door like he's about to rip their throat out with his teeth. Meanwhile he's standing there like 🧍‍♂️"am I that ugly."

Give me a scene where, finally used to this reaction to him from the general shinobi population, the team starts to use it to their advantage.

"Give us the scroll or we'll let the Hatake off the leash to have his fun with you. He's been awfully hungry latley you know, hasn't had fresh meat in days"

Kakashi, feeling kind of stupid, gave his best growl.

It caused an almost immediate, embaressed flush to rise to his face, but he didn't let up. It sounded more like an almost pathetic puppy growl than anything to his ears, but apparently it was enough to convince the trembling enemy nin because he slowly lifted the scroll up in offering.

Wow. Now he couldn't tell if he was embaressed for himself or for this guy.

Probably both to be honest.

• So like. Itachi is the clan heir. That's big. That's important. Let's do something with that.

First off, I had a great time reading this one fic (tho I don't even remember what the fic itself was about now, oops) where a plot point of it was how Sasuke is just a walking stereotype of main house Uchiha. Like people look at him and they don't just go "oh that's an Uchiha." They go "oh fuck that's an UCHIHA Uchiha." He's so fucking painfully, obviously related to the very tippy top of the clan that anyone not blind can tell. It's in the way he looks, it's in the way he talks and treats those around him, it's in the way he fucking holds himself. You look at him and every other stereotype about the Uchiha clan is there in big, bold letters. (On top of that he's also a dead wringer for Izuna, which I'm such a sucker for and desperatley wish people would do more with)

So like let's give that to Itachi here because it's so fun for several reasons.

First off; Sasuke in this is like. Straight up a doppelganger of Izuna, just a few generations apart. They could be twins. Itachi, as I'm sure you are aware, is Sasuke's big brother. So let's take some liberties and say that Itachi could absoloutley pass as a blood sibling to Izuna and Madara.

He is however 12, so we're also going to say that the only people who get to make this connection is anyone who's seen the siblings when they were also at a similar age.

On top of that however he has the 'walking amalgamation of all the stereotypes of the main Uchiha house' so anyone who isn't blind will look at him and assume he's somewhere in the sphere of 'important main house person' tho who really knows how distant the relation may be exactly. No one !! That's who !!!

Second; He's the fucking clan heir!! What the fuck!! This bit would have the most impact after all the messy time travel reveals when things have settled down a bit, so it'll sit in the back pocket for a bit. Save it for some fun shaking up later down the line so we don't run out of all the fun reveals too fast and bore the readers, yk?

When it is brought up tho it'd be fun to maybe have some fucky Itachi and Madara mutual understandings of the way things work.

• So. Madara is like a bit of a scary bed time story to Uchiha children, right? Like. "Ooo make sure you don't get too obsessive or fall too deep into your grief and always stay loyal to the village or you'll end up just like Madara!!"

Something something Uchiha-Village relationships are tense as hell, something something Madara fucking over a lot of the clan with his whole. Everything., Something something scapegoat and old stories, something something 'people have probably been talking a lot more about how "god dammit this all started with Madara" in recent years.'

Now with that in mind let's take a look of what our time travelers think of Madara:

Itachi is a good Konoha soldier. Itachi (as has been very much fucking proven) would rather beat a possible problem before it even exists with a hammer till it dies an ugly bloody death than even RISK it blossoming into a proper problem. Itachi does not like Madara. Itachi personally, quietly thinks they should maybe wait till the village is formed then carefully arrange a little accident for him before he goes off the rails. He, even more quietly, maybe even thinks it would be a kindness. Allow him to be remembered well by the village instead of scorned.

Shisui I think is cautiously optimistic about him. He's the kind of guy who gives the benefit of the doubt, who weighs the options, risk and reward, but includes things like hope and compassion in his calculations. Yes, Madara was a uhh. Thing. That happened. But in every story his big blow up always come from one specific event; Izuna's death. So if they stop that from happening, wouldn't it secure both a better future for them and Madara? The history books never went into detail about Izuna, he doesn't know what he's like, but maybe his involvement in the future, on Konoha's side, could lead to even more profits for them long term. At the end of the day he's not against killing Madara (though to be clear, they are at first operating on trying to avoid all interactions with historical events and return home without touching things) but it'd be nice, to manage to get a happy ending for everyone. Unrealistic maybe, but nice.

Mmmm hear me out actually, maybe Shisui, after interacting with him a bit, finds that Madara reminds him of Itachi too. They definatley both have that "I would do unspeakable things to even dream of my loved just one more time" energy, if you know what I mean

Anyways; Kakashi and Tenzo are both neutral on Madara. Yes, they learned about how he betrayed the village when young just like everyone else, but they weren't getting the bed time stories and "do this and you'll end up just like him" warnings like the Uchiha's. They're possibly leaning into negative but are detached from the situation enough to just go "well he hasn't done it yet and his brother is still alive so he won't any time soon" and be done with it

• Now, on the the total opposite side of the spectrum you have Hashirama and Tobirama. People are brought up in Konoha to fucking IDOLIZE these guys. You can not tell me our team of time travelers wouldn't be at least a little awed to speak with them.

I think Tenzo would be the most wide eyed about Hashirama, both for the baseline "holy shit that's the Shodai Hokage" and also that fun juicy mokuton user imposter syndrome he has going on for him. That guys DNA is inside his body!!! Holy shit wait does that mean if someone did a blood relation test with them he might read as being related to him?? Fuck were gonna pocket that for now but like. Mmmmm potential.

I'd say Itachi is the most hesitant about Tobirama but again, village loyalist, so.

You know what tho maybe Shisui is the most hesitant about him (though still largely positive) he both def grew up looking up to him but can also see the anti-Uchiha policies people inact now with the implications that Tobirama would have approved of it. He doesn't know if he would, but like, he has to wonder.

Kakashi is probably the most normal about them (and also has experience in being close to a hokage (Minato) to know that at the end of the day they are painfully human) Don't get me wrong, he's still in some sort of awe! He might get a little lightheaded at the thought of seeing the God of Shinobi in proper battle, or the possibility to see the famed genius of Tobirama with all the different jutsu's he's invented. You can't tell me Kakashi didn't spend a little extra time reading about him when he was trying to make Chidori. Honestly I'm gonna roll with that and say he had a bit of a phase as a kid where he was a total fan boy. Maybe sprinkle in the good old HalfHatake!Tobirama hc to add some faint daydreams a lonley babykashi had after his father's death, about getting to meet him as family. Like cmon, little genius idolizing and projecting on some big history figure only to find out they're actually related? Can you say potential?

Anyways he did eventually grow out of the phase, probably got unattached to it all and lost interest after the whole "losing everything he loved" bit of his life. And at the end of the day, he doesn't have any real complex personal hang ups on the founders like the others do. Thus, most normal.

• And then my favorite most special boy, Izuna !! He's for sure the one they're all most neutral about. He's not actually taught about in the academy? There's probably some throw away line about him in some history books somewhere, but he died young and was quickly buried by the looming shadow of Konoha. The only real knowledge had about him in modern times is just a vague "Yeah he got killed by Tobirama which lead to peace being made but also lead to Madara losing his shit"

Poor Izuna he's the linchpin for it all but was left an unremarkable footnote of history. My boy deserves so much better

Tenzo doesn't actually even know who he is, that boy got bare minimum education under Danzo and Izuna was NOT included.

Itachi and Shisui mmmaybe have some small little fun fact here or there buried in stories from the older members of the clans but like. It's gonna amount to just "yeah he had a great katon" and thats about it.

I WILL SAY HOWEVER. Itachi sees him and instantly is that one PTSD dog meme. Sasuke is a BABY but holy shit Izuna looks exactly like he'd expect him to grow up as and it's making him FEEL THINGS. Also he's so bratty little brother coded !! He's an entire 7 years older than Itachi but Ifachi keeps fucking up and trying to big brother him it's embaressing.

And ofc Itachi didn't go into the first meeting thinking he'd see some weird older mirror version of his beloved baby brother who he misses and worries about very very much. So like. There's for sure going to be some conflict there. If their first meeting is a scuffle (which it probably will be) I think Itachi would keep hesitating to attack. On full run away mode. Which is probably for the best bc he shouldn't try to fight Izuna anyways honey he's like double your bodyweight and you're strong but you aren't THAT strong.

• Pointing back at both the 'Itachi does not like Madara and has quiet thoughts about how it'd possibly be in everyone's interest to just kill him' and the 'Itachi and Madara quietly bond over being clain head/heir during stressful times (w pressure from the elders especially)

I can see 2 outcomes of a potential bonding conversation with them:

1) They come to understand eachother better.

Madara wants to be on good terms, he looks at this kid and sees one of his brothers eyes and the others quiet determination. He can tell Itachi doesn't like him for some reason, and it's frustrating because he doesn't know why. He wants him to like him. He wants to be able to offer his hand and have it taken. It hurts, to be looked at with such suspicion from a face that has traces of Izuna's.

Meanwhile Itachi . . . Itachi looks at Madara and he sees someone who gets it. Gets it like no one ever has. It scares him. He looks up at this man, this horror story he's been told to fear becoming, and he sees himself. And this realization shakes him. It makes him think, makes him wonder. He's so, so sure of his loyalty to Konoha. More sure than he is of anything else in the world. But . . . But if something happened to Sasuke, if he had to choose—

And maybe it softens something in him too, along with the (honestly healthy) dose of fear. It forms a little crack in his shell, just enough to maybe, maybe let Madara through. Just a hair.

Or 2) we pull one of those "The conversation ends with them agreeing verbally but mentally they're on 2 VERY different notes."

Madara, nodding and looking at Itachi meaningfully: "Yeah it can be hard, but all we can really do is try to make the world a safer place for the ones we love. (To create Konoha, to keep my clan safe. Izuna safe. And now to keep you safe too.)

Itachi, nodding slowly: "Yeah. No matter how hard it is (even though I think I understand you more than anyone else Ive ever met) we have to try to make the world a safer place (by killing you in your sleep once Konoha is formed) for the ones we love (My clan. My village. Sasuke.)"

• Also pointing back at the 'Hatake warring clan era reputation,' the 'Tobirama is half Hatake' and also now pointing at Tobirama's title as the White Demon. Small thing but it'd be neat if there was some small throw away line that the nickname lowkey started in part because of the absoloutley terrifying reputation of the Hatake combined with Tobirama's own Everything(tm) like it just had some influence on how some view him. Give me Uchiha's making dog jokes ab him it'll be funny

• Ok but now the actual plot thoughts. Yeah I know I kept you waiting sorry about that.

So time travel! Probably due to a mission gone wrong. Some ruins or some ancient crumbling scroll that wasn't even supposed to do fucking time travel but was so old and corroded that it somehow managed to transform into a whole other seal by pure bad luck. Or good luck I guess, considering it could have just turned into a nuke.

Our favorite team of disasters are very very alarmed !!! What the fuck !!! Obviously they don't default to thinking time travel, but they immediatley know something is wrong. The landscape has changed, though the big landmarks are still there. The mission was complete anyways with no injuries so they just retreat to Konoha. Only oops !! It's not fucking there!!!

Queue alarm.

Shisui is the first one to suggest time travel because he's quirky like that. And there's a very easy way to confirm this theory.

(Also we're going to say that Konoha's location is a valley a few miles out from the Naka River that borders the Senju / Uchiha territories.)

This is convenient because that verification method involves checking in on where Itachi and Shisui know the old Uchiha compound should rest.

They do it in full stealth mode, the second they saw Konoha was missing Kakashi as team leader decided they'd treat the land as enemy territory. They all agreed ofc, for all they knew this WAS enemy territory now.

And, ofc, yeah!! There's the old Uchiha compound!! Being active!!! There are people there!!!

"What are the odds Fugaku-sama decided to have the clan return to their homeland for ahh, cultural enrichment?" Kakashi asked weakly.

"Time travel." Was the only reply he got from Shisui, whispered reverently as the boy vibrated with excitement on the branch.

Itachi just gave him a look, radiating a level of dissaproving disbelief that no normal 12 year old should be able to make. Kakashi would know, he was that not-normal 12 year old once.

From there they decide a no interference policy. Hands off guys!! They probably debate it tho, like, a good amount. They all have ✨️opinions✨️ except maybe Tenzo who's lowkey still in the middle of trying to learn how to be a person and is following Kakashi's lead 99% of the time. Especially since they're still in mission mode and this is like a super serious discussion and he really does know the least ab the founders overall.

They probably debate the merits of going to Uzushiogakure bc seal help but it's really far and they don't actually have like, just any leverage with them. They already decided not to fuck with the future so it isn't like they can trade secrets and warnings. At least if shit happens here they have some plausible deniability, being, yk, 2 uchiha's and a senju-passing guy with Mokuton. Kakashi's kinda fucked tho in that regard but he isn't going to be doing the party ANY favors with his clan heritage.

Which means it's time to potentially get desperate enough to interact with Tobirama !!! Which will inevitably lead to them bumping into a Uchiha patrol or something!!! I don't know honestly

• Anyways want Hashirama and Tenzo to interact. He has so many issues like holy shit. Let Hashirama give him the hug he deserves. I want him to violently adopt him. New brother acquired!!!

I said before but Tenzo is still reprogramming from ROOT. Let Hashirama impact that! Let him help! They can make flower crowns and photosynthesize together idk

Hashirama would be so happy to have another mokuton user, I think they should be able to sense eachother extra strong and like 'ping' off of eachothers chakra, it'll be fun

▪︎ I'm not thinking toooo hard about power scaling and this is fanfiction so a) don't quote me on this and b) for the love of all that is holy don't take my words as gospel

But for this fic specifically I'm ranking the founders and Team Ro, weakest to strongest (in a clean, fair fight head on w no time to prepare) :

Itachi (he's fucking 12 guys. But also he is like. FRACTIONS under Tenzo and Shisui. If he were 13 I'd let him be above or at the same level but like. He's 12. Cmon.)

Tenzo - Shisui (they're like JUST under the next 2 tho like seconds behind)

Izuna - Tobirama

Kakashi ( by the skin of his fucking teeth and the advantage that is his stupid amount of jutsu's and lack of self preservation + suprise sharingan)

Madara - Hashirama

And again that's not counting like. The specific situations, time given to prepare, potential dirty tricks they could play (I think the Konoha tricks would play a fraction dirtier than the others, who are slightly more used to big open battles vs the ANBU squad who does all sorts of shit in all sorts of places) plus like. Mental state and team ups.

Tenzo or Shisui couldn't take down Izuna or Tobirama but if they teamed up I'd allow it. Kakashi would get his ass kicked by Hashirama or Madara but he could survive a minutes longer than the others would

Itachi is doing his best

But like

He's 12 guys

I love him and he is terrifyingly competent but he won't win 1 on 1 with anyone unless he has some sort of advantage. Minus Shisui and Tenzo who he does have the advantage of regularly fighting, so.

• I think they do get to go back home in the end. It takes a ton of work tho and they probably do need to get Mito's help with it, Kakashi can show them the seal they got brought here with but it's an ACTUAL one in a trillion miracle it didn't fucking atomize them. So it needs a lot of touch ups

Anyways !!!

I have a little more rattling around in my brain but I'm really tired and also starting to think about other things now so I'm gonna stop here. Might come back and add to it later so stay tuned if you're into that

Full disclaimer I'm not gonna write this. I don't have the proper energy and it'd probably end up being too ambitious of a project if I tried. I'd love to see it happen tho, so like !! Big open invitation to absoloutley anyone who might want to take even a fraction of the ideas I've listed.

@ me if you do tho I wanna see the final product

@prinzgnomeovonchaos

I do love a good time travel fic!!

To add to the madness: maybe tobirama upon spotting Kakashi writes back to his aunt, current head of the hatake like "have you lost a child? In the last 18-ish years?" And while she is unaware of any missing cases, her clan is just naturally curious and inquisitive, and their interest has been piqued! So now the fire clans have to deal with several hatake + their huge wolf companions swarming into their lands.

I imagine from a proper hatake point of view looking at Kakashi might be akin to a bunch of actual wolves facing maybe a husky. The colouring and general shape might be similar, but size and behaviour? Lol

I want him to be lovingly bullied and involuntarily adopted :) this poor little stray, he hasn't even got any pack! And look how scrawny he is! He can't even growl properly!!! And his little pseudo pack can come along.... Might as well :)

And who knows, maybe those fire forests are really nice actually and the clan was thinking about expanding anyways, might as well situate a branch there :) no, we aren't asking the fire clans for their opinion :) (there is this fanon piece of land that's basically a neutral zone between senju and Uchiha, so like it's free real estate)

Now you'd think this is good for the senju, but actually the hatake don't do feuds (they never needed to) and they don't want ANY fighting in their new territory, so jot that down! So keeping the uchiha-senju feud alive has suddenly become much more tedious. Might as well stop.

#birds fic talk #never apologize for giving me more motivation to write #u are the reason I keep living #no but I love when the Hatake's just hijack the narative it just happens sometimes idk they have so much unused potential

Oh my god you're so smart I'm kissing your brain. I'm absoloutley hearing what ur laying down now watch me grab it by the throat and sprint into the great beyond with it

I actually fucking love the idea of Tobirama sending the ninja equivalent of a "lost dog" poster to his aunt going "girl is this thing yours??"

"Yo auntie come get your dog please it's tearing up my lawn"

Once again borrowing ideas from half forgotten fics I don't even remember the premise of anymore: let's go with the "as a really small and territorial clan, Hatake's REALLY value their young. Family is family and they're very very careful to keep a close eye on all their lines."

So when they hear that there may or may not be a missing Hatake— something virtually unheard of to them bc again, careful track of their lines, small clan who's generally seen as too "wild" to be worth the time and effort bloodline theft — hell yeah they'll send one or two people to go sniff around.

And hey, this lost little Hatake is a riot! Doesn't wanna come home with them tho :(

So they send a letter back home that basically says, "lost hatake is very cute, very insane tho (which makes him cuter) also these a baby here that bites (Itachi), having too much fun to come back, xoxo get fucked"

To which the rest of the clan, who doesn't really have much going on for them other than fucking around with wolves, goes *what the FUCK I want want to see the baby that bites why do these losers get to have all the fun*

Which then results in a slow trickle of the rest of the Hatake's coming over. And the clan is like, really small. Like honestly 20 people tops. And 3 of them are actual infants. So it's not that crazy big of a move.

I'm gonna actually go ahead and say they were already a nomadic clan, so this isn't that insane of a move for them in general (I don't think I'd buy a properly rooted clan just up and leaving their home, even for some cute, mentally deranged long lost cousin)

But like they're nomadic !!! They never really stay in one place for more than a few years anyways, and even while they have stayed in Iron for a good few generations now, we'll that just means it's time for a big change right?

"There is this fanon piece of land that's basically a neutral zone between senju and Uchiha, so like it's free real estate"

OK NOW HEAR ME OUT:

The neutral zone is that previously mentioned space just a few miles away from the teritories where Konoha is supposed to eventually go. The one team Ro is camping out in

The Hatake's are lowkey setting up shop there, free game right? The first few guys that come there to sniff around technically have Tobirama's invitation in hand so like. Senju approval bc allies and I don't really think Hashirama is gonna tell them to go away.

By the time the whole clan is setting up there fr it's. A bit too late to tell them to go away. Like the Uchiha's are eyeing these big ass wolves making eyes at the Senju like *you INVITED these guys here?? THESE guys???? All of them???? Like to LIVE here?????*

The Uchiha clan + the majority of the Senju: "Whatcha got there Tobirama?"

Tobirama, standing in front of a wild clan with a notoriously bad reputation for being insane blood thirsty animals that he technically invited over: "A smoothie"

Hashirama: "and puppies!!!!!!"

He didn't actually expect them to settle in this much. He sort of figured they'd grab Kakashi by the scruff and drag him off maybe. Or just kinda say hi then leave? He may have miscalculated.

He refuses to admit it tho he's in too deep if anyone asks this was his plan all along.

Izuna is scowling about his "dastardly" and "evil mastermind" plan to have the Hatake's cause chaos by crashing their conflicts and Tobirama is standing there like "Yes. My plan. That I definatley have. And is going well."

Meanwhile behind the scenes he's dodging the Hatake clan head, aka his aunt, who's trying to force feed him raw meat (it's good for growing boys!!!) And nag him about when he's going to get married and give her grandbabies (He is in hell.)

Slight tangent time:

Ok hear me out also tho: Hatake's can eat raw meat and it's actually a pretty important part of their diet — at least back in the warring era.

But again they lost that with them being softened by the village, Sakumo never really needed to eat it / was good at doing it in like "civilized" more acceptable ways (eat his stake a lill bloodier than normal, crack some extra raw eggs into his rice, etc.)

Then he dies and Kakashi doesn't even have context for the cravings so when he does grow up a bit and start randomly wanting to gnaw on raw steak he just sort of shakes himself and goes *what the fuck no I'd get fucking food poisoning* (he would not)

It's just random cravings !! People get those sometimes !! He's learned to ignore it

But like the warring era Hatake's trying to feed him raw meat bc to them its an important part of a Hatake's well rounded diet. They are grabbing him going "You're so skinny you need to eat! What do you MEAN you don't eat raw meat at least once a week no wonder ur a twig!! Don't worry we'll fix that!!!"

Anyways,

Does this mean that the Hatake's now get to be one of the Konoha founders? Yes because I say so. Is this fact giving all of team Ro different flavors of crisises? Also yes! Very much so!

None of them actually know if when they go back, if their actions will have changed their now present. Or if it's like an alternate timeline deal where they'll return to their own timeline but this new world they affected will have a happier future.

HOWEVER.

Im just gonna come out and say that, in this fic that I still refuse to write, it'd end with them cautiously returning home, unsure of what waits for them— only to pretty much get the ideal "happy ending" Konoha.

The Senju are still around and isn't just dwindled to Tsunade,

Orochimaru never went off the deep end and the sannin never broke up,

Danzo is a disgruntled desk guy who takes his issues out via paperwork instead of genocide,

Hashirama and Madara shared the title of first Hokage and then Izuna and Tobirama actually competed for who'd get to NOT be Hokage because neither of them wanted to touch the title (Uchiha Hikaku became second hokage because he's great and I love him)

Sakumo and Minato and everyone are still alive and many of the near extinct minor clans we see existing in the background (even if only in headcanons) including the Hatake still thrive, even if they are small.

All of that good stuff. Happy ending brighter future, etc. etc.

We get to see some of the younger faces who team Ro met who are now all old, like Kagami and some of the Hatake's they met. Maybe get an exasperated, amused line out of Sakumo about how his uncles (aka Kakashi's time travel cousins) have always been so weird about Kakashi after they run off giggling, pleased as hell after the return of *their* Kashi — same with some of the Uchiha elders.

Suddenly actually in this time line a lot of the Uchiha elders are just ??? Weirdly nice to Itachi and Shisui ????? Fugaku doesn't get it but they do a little haughty sniffle and say something about how they just know that Madara-sama would have approved of them or whatever. It's very silly and very bitter sweet bc these guys were totally calling for blood in canon but whatever we get to be silly now fuck you

And oh, awkward moment; Tenzo doesn't seem to have really uhh. Existed here? Orochimaru never went off the deep end so he never went and did fucky mokuton experiments on him. There might have been some random orphan Tenzo somewhere wandering around but it's time travel Tenzo now, let's not think about that too hard btw, just this random kid with no background, a mokuton, and an ANBU mask and Kakashi + Itachi + Shisui's sponsorship.

But this goes better than you'd expect? He didn't really have any connections to anyone besides those three anyways. He'll be fine, really. Though he is sad to have left the people behind in the warring states, especiall—

AND HERE COMES MITO AND TOBIRAMA'S HATAKE AUNTIE, WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!!! THE ONLY SURVIVING OLD PEOPLE FROM THE FOUNDER GENERATION, ABSOLOUTLEY ANCIENT, THEY SHOULD BE DEAD BUT THEY LIVE ON SPITE AND GOSSIP ALONE !!!!! THEYVE WAITED DECADES FOR THIS VERY MOMENT AND THEYRE GOING TO SQUEEZE ALL OF THESE BOYS TO DEATH BUT START WITH TENZO BECAUSE NO ADULTS HAVE CLAIM ON HIM AND THAT MAKES IT OPEN SEASON !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways.

Team Ro all gathers at the founders grave sights and do a little prayer for them, but it's not sad? They got to say their goodbyes when they came back, and this isn't so much as them mourning but them just,, saying hello again.

Like,

Hey, we made it, we see this konoha— your konoha, and it's everything we could have asked for. Thanks for the adventure, we'll make sure to keep this place safe since you kept it safe for us for so long.

And the sun rises as they lift their bowed heads, and they turn and head back into the konoha that they helped see built.

The end

Probably idk I always end up coming back to these things

IndigoAbyss ended up writing a fic for this one, go check out 'Starting With Saplings' its great

Chapter 3: Sakumo and baby!Kashi wind up in the warring states

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#fuck I do nothing but time travel do I #whatever i can accept that as my “thing”

Offshoot of my "team Ro time travels to the founders era" post because @prinzgnomeovonchaos infected me with brain rot in the notes

So buckle in baby it's time for

Sakumo and babyKashi time traveling to the warring states ✨️

So first thing to get out of the way; Modern Hatake's and warring states era Hatake's do not hold up to the same standards.

The Hatake's during the states were a very small clan with a very big reputation. Hailing from Iron, they were an almost famous wild clan even all the way in fire country. Distantly related to the Inuzuka's but leaning more towards wolves than dogs.

They had a proper kekkei genkai and everything, unnaturally fast and strong, often born with some form of enhanced senses— be it smell, sight, taste, or even touch. Their white chakra fed into it, and they'd feed their chakra with diets of raw meat and the occasional light cannibalism during some special clan celebrations and rituals.

Unfortunatley Sakumo knows very little about the above because he was very young when his clan was pretty much all wiped out. He was raised by the only other survivor, his grandmother, who was pretty young herself when the clan got wiped, and unfortunatley was never all too concious of many of the rituals and traditions of her clan until it was too late.

Sakumo grew up to village standards and was mostly declawed because of it, and Kakashi is only doubly so. And with that dulling of all the different traditions and specific diets also came the slow fading of their bloodline limit, which was already pretty subtle if you didn't know what you're looking for.

Anyways moving on, and if you want more details for my headcanons ab warring states Hatake's vs modern standard Hatake's look at my other time travel post bc I talk ab it more there.

So Kakashi is like 6 (holy shit he's a BABY baby)

Google keeps giving me conflicting numbers for Sakumo's age at his death so we're just gonna shrug and say he's in his early 30's.

Then for the founders;

Madara (23)

Hashirama (23)

Izuna (19)

Tobirama (18)

Sakumo is staring at these guys going through it bc they are BABIES to him. And like look, he's used to working with or even occasionally under people much younger than him, but like. Oh man that's the shodai hokage. And he's like a toddler.

(He's a 23 year old man but Sakumo is kind of having a crisis so he can't register that)

So like. All the founders have major daddy issues, right? Like we can all agree that's plausible? I'm so sorry I just think it'd be *really fucking funny* if they look at Sakumo and just kinda. Yeah.

You know what I mean.

Sakumo finds this supremely awkward bc again, babies, so hes avoiding eye contact and not thinking about it that hard

Anyways;

No idea how they got there!! This is set maybe a week before Sakumo offed himself but now he can't kill himself bc that'd mean abandoning Kakashi to the fucking warring states.

Kakashi fits the warring states standards alarmingly well actually. Honestly I think even for that time period he's still scarily young to be on the field. People are giving Sakumo looks like 'it's so hard what we've been forced to do to our children, the battles we've pushed them into, the things they've seen and done all too young'

Sakumo is going *hrrg.* and having a good long look in the mirror actually. Proper crisis, lots of guilt, Kakashi should not be out in the field this young and at least before he was mostly getting baby missions but now they're stranded in time and keep running head first into trouble.

I want Izuna and Kakashi to fight and even though Kakashi absoloutley should NOT win that battle I want him to win just so that Madara and Tobirama can make fun of him for losing to an actual child

Izuna is mortified he wants that brat DEAD

Uhh I have some more but I'm at work and actually hit post too early on this post so I had to come back to rush add all these edits bc I meant for it to stay a draft I could keep adding too later. So I'll just come add more later fr

@prinzgnomeovonchaos

Not to hijack an unfinished post, but going from 'give that man a support system' to 'get father figured idiot' is so fucking funny and like I guess it works out in the end 😂 sakumo being forced to take care of himself because he has to be the adult in the room lol

I think it would be funny if Kakashi actually had more intense hatake traits than his father, it would certainly make sakumos life more difficult if he had trouble understanding his son and more importantly, being sent on an indefinite rough camping trip would be so good for the little gremlin, hed go hog wild on the wildlife and have his needs kind of met for the first time

#i love timetravel - timetravel is my best friend #i dont have anymore to add for now but im glad i could be of service 🫡 #sakumo coming back to camp from a perimeter sweep to see his child gnawing on a half dead rabbit: 😰🤢😭

Random Hatake's of the era: What a cute perfect little Hatake baby <3333 Look at the little guy go!!! Haha yeah you gnaw on those bones silly baby got to get that good bone protein in while you're young!

Sakumo, who's fully trained himself out of the Hatake mindset and traits, visibly struggling: Please. Please be normal. Please pretend to be normal for 5 minutes.

#kakashi is having an amazing time actually #he doesnt have that “yeah my dad killed himself in front of me” trauma yet #hes SO full of himself #mr chunnin at 6 “all my teammates are double my age and useless” #hes meeting the warring state Hatake's and theyre all hyping him up as Sakumo begs them not to make him worse #Sakumo is fighting a losing battle

Artistic rendition of the Hatake family reunion. Do u see my vision

@thybirbman

"So like. All the founders have major daddy issues, right? Like we can all agree that's plausible? I'm so sorry I just think it'd be *really fucking funny* if they look at Sakumo and just kinda. Yeah.

You know what I mean."

Legit could not tell if you were saying the daddy issues lead to them all now seeing Sakumo as a father figure or that they all have a daddy kink and find Sakumo with his whole feral Hatake-father schtick *really fucking hot*.

The founders + Izuna, all having fathers who did not care enough/cared in the wrong way/were forced into a difficult choice where they couldn't see a better way of keeping their kids alive than turning said kids into weapons, seeing a father going aboslutely feral trying to protect his kid and doing his best to make sure said kid can have some kind of childhood before being sent into war while still teaching the kid to protect himself, also said kid is a beast in human flesh so like literally no one would blame him for feeding into that and making the kid a living weapon but he still refuses to: idk if I wanna cry or bite my lip at him

#thinking kind of tobiizu vibes but like I dont wanna commit so #could be read as it could be not #theyre like 14 again so like #either way yk

Well now I'm not going to clarify what I meant bc both is objectively the funniest possible read for it

Sakumo is founder catnip pass it on, they're all over him and also having simultaneous crisises about it. When Konoha is founded they're all drinking together and one of them mentions Sakumo and INSTANTLY everyone has their heads in their hands across the table looking like they've been through hell

"I want him"

"like carnally or like as a father figure"

"I don't know."

At first Kakashi thought the founders were pretty cool, then he was really smug about them clearly thinking his dad was also "pretty cool" (finally, his dad is getting the respect he deserves!!) Then he seemed to realize that his idea of Sakumo being "pretty cool" is very different from their idea of him being """pretty cool""""

And now he's on a one man mission to see them dead gET AWAY FROM HIS DAD !!!!!!!

Chapter 4: Tobirama and Izuna's super spectacular BFF road trip through time and space

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Fic idea;

"Tobirama and Izuna's super spectacular BFF road trip through time and space"

In which a vuagley 14/15ish Tobirama and Izuna bump into eachother on unrelated missions and get hurled through time and space, visiting multiple (sometimes connected sometimes not) events in time, alternate universes and more ✨️

And just ruining so many peoples days along the way, like, so many.

For Reasons(tm) they agree to stick together and instill a temporary truce as they stumble along this ~~(road trip from hell)~~ super spectacular amazing besties field trip.

Like I need you to imagine the Uchiha / Senju feud but also they're like 14, Izuna is yelling about them being ultimate rivals, Tobirama is done with everyone's shit, and they're very quickly moving past genuine attempts on eachothers lives into slap fighting territory. Also like 8 times out of 10 when they bump into any version of an older Madara he makes eye contact with Izuna and almost immediatley has different flavors of the same mental breakdown and Izuna is kind of concerned and kind of terrified and ahahah wow this is awkward but I kind of need to go now

At first they're trying to take it seriously but after the 3rd or 4th time of running into the same fucking scene in a slightly different universe they're kind of just speed running their way to the next time and or universe (in the hopes that it will be their original one) and throwing subtlety out the window

Like they COULD be careful not to disturb things and potentially upset the balance of time but they sort of already fucked that up. Uhh. Like 3 times now actually. And there weren't really any consequences and look they're really tired so how about they just kick in the door and take this round by storm yk

Clip from it so far (ignore how messy it is pls it's 5am and I wrote this in like 10 minutes);

"And, well after--" ■■■ vast a vaguely uneasy glance Tobirama and Izuna's way. "After the death, you know, well . . ." Clearly uncomfortable, he cleared his throat and looked away.

A chill ran down Tobirama's spine. A stupid chill, he reflected. One of them had died -- both of them would die, eventually or course. Quite possibly at eachothers hand. It was a fact of life, the odds stacked against them, just plain sense. It was war. They were enemies.

(Could he still truly call Izuna his enemy, even now? Duty demanded it of him, it always would.)

But it was one thing to know, and one thing to know.

He was jolted out of his unsettled reflections by a finger jabbing into his face as Izuna let out a triumphant crow. "Aha! I totally killed you in the future!"

Despite himself, Tobirama felt a scowl tug on his lips as he glared at the finger waving in the general direction of his nose, his eyes crossing to meet it.

"Excuse me, if anything I'm probably the one who killed you."

"Excuse yourself you Senju bastard, I totally kicked your ass and probably cut you to bits so bad that this loser can't even say it to your face out of *embaressment--!"*

Resisting the urge to snap his teeth at the finger *still in his face* Tobirama bared them instead, slapping Izuna's hand aside to press into his space with a threatning gleam in his eyes. "As if you'd ever get the best of me with that sloppy excuse of footwork you call a stance--"

"Why don't you say that to my face you--!"

"Are you deaf as well as stupid, or do you somehow not understand that I just did you halfwitted--"

"THE ONLY HALFWIT I CAN SEE IS THE ONE TOO STUPID TO NOT FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS LIKE DON'T TOUCH THE GLOWING PAINT ON THE WALLS--!"

"AT LEAST IM NOT SO STUPID AS TO TAUNT A SPIRIT--"

At some point amidst all the shouting, Izuna had wrapped his hands around Tobirama's lapels, yanking his face down towards his own. To which Tobirama responded by bracing his foot against his chest, pushing back as his own fists found Izuna's shirt and pulled him up even as his foot pressed him down.

■■■ looked on in vague, silent horror as the boys dissolved into a tangle of limbs.

Back on my bullshit w some more context on how I'm thinking they got into this mess, kind of long fic overview under the cut:

Rolling with the "yokai, big and small, are generally accepted to exist in this world" for baseline, the mission both Tobi and Izu were individually sent out to take care of was some small little "spirit problem" belonging to a tiny village rather notorious for calling in false alarms on spirit shenanigans.

Super superstitious little corner of the land of fire, has a real tendency to blow any reports of spirits way out of proportion. They're screaming kitsune at the sight of a regular fox and everyone in the surrounding areas know it.

So they call in a mission from both the Senju and the Uchiha, and due to a stroke of bad luck Izuna and Tobirama have this mission given to them as something like their first 'public' missions. Seperate from currier missions, supply runs or helping patrol their lands, this is them cutting their teeth on a proper solo mission that should be pretty safe -- if the countless previous similar missions to subdue nonexistant yokai from that village are anything to go based off of.

So they bump into eachother and are immediately like "oh FUCK."

After a near scuffle they basically come to the consensus of "I refuse to let my first ever solo mission thats already so beneath my skill level go wrong bc your dumb ass couldnt keep your sword in your sheath." and form a tentative truce that theyre both very sure will last like 3 minutes tops but ends up going? Pretty well? Neither of them want to fight right now, not really. They're miles from home in unfamiliar forests and heavy rain, so if the fight turns ugly unless theyre getting away without much damage (unlikely) theres just as much of a chance that theyll trip into a ditch somewhere and bleed out in the cold than make it back in one piece.

And say what you will, Izuna and Tobirama both are smart enough to see this is a stupid time and place to start a scuffle.

Anyways, spirit time!

I think it'd be funny if there was a bit where Izuna accidentally traps himself into saying he doesnt believe in spirits, and despite knowing hes being stupid, is forced to double down rather than admit he's just saying shit to say shit.

Tobirama scowled. "I doubt there's any real yokai here. People in these small backwater villages are always calling for help dealing with yokai and it always ends up being nothing. The spirits have better things to do than haunt grannies and steal pies."

Izuna quietly agreed with him, (a horrifying thought on its own) but his pride refused to let him do so outloud. So instead he found himself opening his mouth to scoff and blurt out—

"Hah, You believe in yokai?"

Fuck. Why would he say that, that's just asking for bad luck.

Red eye's snapped to him, almost comically shocked. It was the most expressive he'd seen the Senju, his usual cool anger wiped off his face and replaced instead with pure disbelief.

"You don't?"

No, no Izuna definatley did. It was stupid to not believe in yokai, and even stupider to announce your disbelief outloud, that was just asking for a trouble of all sorts of variety.

Not to mention the fact that the Uchiha were an especially superstitious clan. Izuna had been raised on stories heavily featuring yokai and the fact that you were to give every one of them, big and small, as much respect as possible. For your own safetys sake.

But Izuna refused to take back his words, not to this Senju bastard. Not even with his self preservation in mind. So despite the fact he could feel his face heating with the incredibly stupid lie, he tossed his hair and rolled his eyes

"Of course not! I believe in, uhm, science."

"Science." Tobirama said flatly. "You."

"Psshh, yeah. Have you ever seen a yokai before? I haven't. Thus it must not exist!"

Oh god he was going to get eaten in his sleep by a tsukumogami for this.

"I've never seen the daimiyo before, does your science mean that mean he's not real either then?" Tobirama snipped, and Izuna doubled down even further.

"Maybe not! Yokai, the daimiyo, who's to say if they exist or not! I'll only believe it when I see it with my own two eyes!"

"You know what Izuna, maybe you're right."

"Wh— I am?" Izuna blinked dumbly at the sudden 180°

"Yes, after all, I haven't seen your brain before. Clearly that doesn't exist either."

"EXCUSE ME—?!"

To both of their genuine surprise, there is some sort of spirit to be found in these woods!

A floating ball of light that they debate first what it even is, then how they're supposed to take care of it in any way. An actual yokai should be taken care of by some sort of priest or shaman or something, not two teenage shinobis who were more sent to disprove rumors and calm the over-excitable locals, and maybe kill a bandit or two if they happened to be disguising themselves as yokai to steal (something that happens more than you'd think)

So they just kind of stare at it dumbly, then at each other, then back at the light, and I don't know how or why exactly, but for some reason they end up touching the damn thing.

Maybe it overheard Izuna's comments about not believing in yokai and decided to teach them a lesson. That's definitely what Tobirama is going to be very loudly blaming their misfortune on for the rest of this adventure.

And as it turns out, this little ball of light is no simple speck but apparently an interdimensional ball of light. Because when it touches the boys, they're officially launched into their ✨besties road trip of doom ✨

Launched into the multiverse at the speed of light! Slingshoted into the time stream and back out again! Evicted from their plane of reality and into the next!

The whole adventure is basically them chasing after this little ball of light, which seems to fade in and out of existence and can only interact with / be touched by the boys. Whenever they touch it they get launched into a new time or dimension, and they can only hope that eventually they'll be slung back into their own.

They end up visiting all sorts of realities — early Konoha in a world where Izuna died; another Konoha where Tobirama died instead; Konoha in Kakashi's time where they definitely freak the fuck out of the entirety of Konoha's political circles when they just sort of appear in the middle of what looks like a clan head meeting; Maybe an omegaverse just for the comedy aspect; That one really climatic battle with Madara; A genderbent universe where neither of them die and Konoha has to deal with toxic lesbian madatobi (this one sends both of them into epileptic shock get them OUT OF HERE); A modern AU that caught them very off guard and left them very confused; An incredibly traumatic visit to the night of the Uchiha Massacre; A world where there is no war between their clans, where all their sibling are alive, which leaves them feeling things and having thoughts; Etc.

Some of the worlds they visit are directly connected, with them literally time traveling in a single world. Others are completley disconnected worlds. Some of the worlds have super obvious, immediately noticeable differences and some are impossible to tell apart.

I think theres a bit where, in the worlds where Izuna dies and Madara looses it, Tobirama calls him Izuna's "psycho brother." Then they visit a world where Tobirama died instead and Hashirama somehow managed to lose it to an even greater and more terrifying degree than Madara ever did and now Izuna gets to rub the "psycho brother" label back in Tobirama's face (they are both terrified.)

There's more than one very tense scene with Madara, having lost his Izuna, maybe losing it a teensy bit when he sees our dimension hopping baby Izu. But his twitches and clear consideration at stealing Izuna away do NOT compare to the absolute freak out evil!Hashi goes through when he sees his own baby Tobirama, that whole chunk of the adventure gets ugly.

A big thing about this adventure is that in seeing all of the different worlds out there; All the different potential endings, good and bad, Izuna and Tobirama do not know what ending their world has in store for them. There is no moment where they learn Izuna dies and Madara looses it and resolve to just not kill Izuna or anything like that.

They are their own people, and their choices are still theirs to make. Their futures are still being molded, each step that they take. There is no clear "right step" to get that one world they might see as the "good ending"

They end their adventure, laying on the floor of the forest, almost instantly drenched in the rain. Not a single second has passed in this world, for all that they are both now months older than they should be. The ball of light they'd chased through world after world blinking at them one last time as if saying good riddance before disappearing.

They're . . . well, they're friends now. No matter how much they may deny it out loud. They've been through too much, seen too much, now know too much not to be.

The story ends on them deciding to share the walk home, lingering on the themes of their futures being their own to shape. Every choice matters, every bond they make — starting with this one, right here, right now — enough to change the world itself.

Continued in chapter 20

Chapter 5: (Genshin Crossover) Kazuha accidentally joins Akatsuki thinking its a poetry club Xiao starts kidnapping jinchuriki kids for fun and profit

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Naruto x Genshin crossover idea,,, save me naruto × genshin crossover idea,,,,,,, , , , ,,

Wedding of the Century

After a famously long and complicated courtship dance witnessed by the entirety of Liyue Harbor, Ningguang and Beidou are set to be wed. It's sure to be the wedding of the century, the great lady of the jade chamber and her her uncrowded lord of the ocean drawing in guests from across the nations.

But when the abyss order strikes before the happy couple can say "I do," several of the guests are launched through space and time and into another world entirely.

Ft.

Zhongli "the contract is set in stone" vs the web of lies and back stabbing that is shinobi politics

Chongyun's positive energy making Zetsu go "what the actual fuck is wrong with that kid" every time he gets within a 5 mile radius

Beidou "where the FUCK is my wife— oh hey is that sake" and Tsunade gambling together

A Xingqiu and Sai friendship that's sure to ruin just so many people's days

Xiao violently picking up Gaara and going "this one is child shaped" both at him and Shukaku individually, then deciding he should totally go on a quest to look at the other bijuu and maybe get mistaken for one himself along the way.

Kazuha getting to live up to that wandering samurai title and maybe accidentally join Akatsuki without fully knowing what he was signing up for just because it'd be really funny. He finally gets the full mission statement once he's joined and just kind of goes "Ah."

Venti, literal god of freedom, taking a good long look at the shinobi world then taking an even bigger, longer gulp from the nearest source of alcohol and going "alright baby time to get to work."

Ningguang and Keqing vs the absoloute fucking garbage disposal cranked up to full power that is the Konoha political scene (they are going to throw a hammer into it. That is a threat.)

Qiqi mistaking Orochimaru for Baizhu long enough to stick around, and accidentally dragging Orochimaru through what may pass for a redemption arc if you squint because of it

Childe having the time of his fucking LIFE somewhere out there in Kiri. There are horror stories being made as we speak about that guy losing his shit over there, he's absoloutley the first out of anyone to get his own super special corner of the bingo book out there

And the grand finale of the story where Ningguang and Beidou finally say I do and everyone claps

As always; will not be writing this! I don't have that kind of attention span! Feel free to pick this up or smthn I'd lose my mind (in a good way) if someone did actually. Just @ me if you do bc I'll eat that shit UP

I'm not going to lie actually I think Kazuha and Xiao have the funniest potential for their plot lines. Kazuha especially tbh

Hear me out: Kazuha meets Deidara first.

He gets the whole art spiel from him and like, he's really just so chill actually. Deirara is going on this huge passionate rant about the fragility of life and the beauty of destruction and Kazuha is peacefully quoting a haiku back at him and telling him that his art is very unique and he appreciates what Deidara had shown him

Massive miscommunication where Kazuha, through Deidara, is somehow under the impression that Akatsuki is some sort of art group. Like the ninja equivalent of an arts and crafts club.

He's signing up thinking it'll just be a fun little gathering where maybe he can read a poem or two. Konan is saying something vuagley ominous about how once he joins he will be expected to participate and will not be allowed to simply leave them, they value loyalty among their peers. And Kazuha, who again, traveling samurai + often hangs around Beidou, has seen some seriously shady shit in his time so he's just like

"Ah yes, true art blossoms best when strong bonds are able to first take root and allow it to flourish :)"

To which Konan, who deals with the absoloute circus of freaks that is Akatsuki, just kinda goes "Yeah that sounds about right, please sign here."

Kazuha attends his first Akatsuki meeting ready to share some of his poems only to find the table topic being child kidnapping. He feels like he may have misunderstood something.

Konan is putting her head in her hands asking if anyone actually took the time to give him the mission statement.

The answer is no.

Suddenly everyone is talking over eachother trying to explain what their personal interpretation of the mission statement even is and none of them are really on the same page

Kazuku: Look all you really need to know is that whenever you get your mission pay, you make sure to turn that stuff over fast to make sure we can keep track of all the numbers.

Kazuha: We have missions?

Hidan: Like bounties n shit

Kazuha: So we're bounty hunters?

*vague noises of agreements mix with vague noises of disagreements across the table*

Pain: We are an organization dedicated to bringing peace to the world

Hidan: Through waves of endless blood and never ending violence!

Kisame: I guess you could say we're trying to make a kinder world

Kazuha: Through . . . terrorism?

Sasori: Personally I'm only here because I lost a fight

Deidara: I don't even wanna be here, yeah. I got tricked into joining

Tobi: wait this isn't a poetry group? :(

Itachi: *visibly dissosiating through this entire conversation*

Kazuha: I'm starting to feel like this may not be the best place for me

Deidara: Join the club, yeah

Tobi: Leader-sama can we have poetry night

Konan: We all agreed that any form of game night was banned after the property damage caused by last time.

Kisame: Does poetry count as a game?

Kazuha, suddenly a little more interested: I know several poetry games

Konan: Look, if we make poetry night a thing can I convince you to stay without one of us having to beat you half to death first?

Kazuha:

Kazuha: Even in hostile terrain, a single bloom may grow strong if given the sunlight it needs to take root

Tobi, stage whispering: Konan are you sure you want this guy? He's kinda . . . *twirls finger around ear*

Hidan: oh yeah because you're the picture of sanity

Deidara: shut the fuck up you're both different flavors of a freakshow

Konan, rubbing her forhead as she ignores all of them: I'm taking that as a yes.

Poetry night was enacted and it was exactly as messy as you'd imagine. They can't not do it tho bc it's in Kazuha's contract now which means if they stop holding it he's legally allowed to leave somehow

And then akatsuki got so busy planning poetry night they forgot about the whole world domination thing or something idk the end

Anonymous asked:

I saw the Genshin/Naruto crossover and I'm losing it over the shenanigans because okay, picture the adepti are there too. I could picture Xianyun and Ping just freakin' stealing kids left and right. They're both acting like the other one is having a problem with their hoard of feral ninja children and then Moon Carver and Mountain Shaper are having like a gay old time having a vacation but their peaceful times keep being interrupted by Ping and Cloud Retainer (and they only act grumpy but it is heartening seeing their old friends so happy even if it does mean their mountains will likely be bustling with children once they get home.) Zhongli is like vaguely aware but he's got his hands full with his own business so he's just like "it's fine :)"

Crying actually I think this is my first fic related ask ever I'm putting it up on my wall to frame

NO BUT I LOVE THAT?? They're both creating their own little found family armies of deadly children. They mean well 100% but to outsiders looking in (aka village officials) it kind of looks like they're starting some sort of army.

Xiao pops in with Gaara and Shukaku like "look what I found" and both Ping and Cloud Retainer are making grabby hands at them like "ohoho hand them to me I will make sure they are well taken care of :)" But Xiao goes "fuck off this one is mine" and teleports away, deciding to ask someone else for parenting advice

In his travels for whatever reason he had run into Kakashi, one of possibly the worst possibly people he could ask for parenting advice for several reasons. But for whatever idea he's under the impression he makes for a ""good father"" for team 7 (much to Kakashi's distress) so he's just appearing in Kakashi's appartment out of nowhere to demand parenting advice.

And Kakashi is like: ok, the strange rogue ninja I ran into months ago on a mission broke into my home. But he's not . . . Hostile?

And so he plays along

The conversation finally ends with Xiao nodding and thanking him for his advice, maybe saying something vague about coming back later if he needs more to which Kakashi just goes "Please don't."

Then he drops Gaara's name (Gaara, who's kidnapping and status of jinchuriki and very messy kidnapping a week ago now has already leaked to the public) and Kakashi record scratches but Xiao is already gone and FUCK did he just help the guy who kidnapped suna'a tailed beast oh god

Xiao, Madam Ping and Cloud Retainer end up in a little race to see who can collect the most jinchuriki and their bijuu the fastest. They are all child shaped to them, even the adults. No one is safe (tho ofc they only take those willing to go with them, this is still an adoption game even if it's. Very enthusiastic.)

Xiao doesn't want any other jinchuriki kids tho, Gaara and Shukaku are his favorite the others can fight over whoever else there is. He'll still find them and bring them over to the others but he's not really a family man and 2 are more than enough

Zhongli is watching all of this just "I'm glad they're all having fun :)" before turning back around and tricking more people into signing magically soul binding contracts they intend to betray but will never be able to

Chapter 6: Shinobi army time travel to kill Madara fic

Chapter Text

Time travel fic but an entire portion of the shinobi army time travels with one goal: Killing Madara before he reached his height of power as in modern day.

The Uchiha meanwhile are incredibly (understandably) concerned at the army of foreign shinobi knocking at their door with blood on the mind. Paired with misunderstandings with the Senju, who believe the army is a danger to both clans, which spurs on an Uchiha-Senju alliance years before it should exist and minus Izuna dying.

Modern shinobi vs warring era, but keeping political advantages and disadvantages in mind (the shinobi army will need like. Food. Funding. A base of oppoerations. All that good stuff, and no way or connections to get it) also the daimyo not really being a big fan of the mystery shinobi army that just kinda poofed into existence and commanding other clans to go back the Uchiha and Senju up.

Just for this fic we're gonna pretend like the daimyo had virtually no control in their modern day. Full empty title. Total puppet. The modern shinobi genuinely are forgetting he's like, relevant at the time.

The army's entire existence would be such a mindfuck to literally anyone of the era. Super recognizable clans and non recognizable civilian family shonobi's across the board, all of them either very powerful or very, very lucky to have gotten this far past the fight with Madara in modern times. Sure maybe one or two of them could have gone under the radar if they tried REALLY hard, but where the actual fuck did all of these people come from??? There can't be that many clan bastards, right? But they're also clearly trained with their clans special moves so deserters maybe? Only no one is stepping forward to claim any of them. The closest leads they have on any of them is that Sasuke looks so alarmingly like Izuna that he must have some sort of close family connection.

Anyways just all out war, politics included, told from both perspectives. I'm personally a fan of Madara I think he's fun so if I were to write it I'd probably take an angle where he's somewhat sympathetic— at least in the current era. Modern him is another beast entirely.

Chapter 7: (TMA crossover) Jon is a shinobi's worst nightmare

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Why are there only 6 crossovers between TMA and Naruto that's so sad. Jon is like an actual nightmare for literally any ninja ever actually. Like sure he wouldn't last a single second in a fight but his ability to pry any information out of anyone would make him a horror of epic proportions.

You've heard of talk no jutsu its time for unwilling trauma dump no jutsu. Ik Jon feeds off of fear, especially and specifically of fear of entities but just for the fic let's pretend he can sustain off trauma alone. This world is a FEAST actually, everyone has mountains of trauma he can not walk 2 steps without running into a full course meal.

Jon is reducing mr poster boy for supressing your emotions Kakashi to actual tears, leaving him to ramble about his heaps and heaps of trauma then tripping over a stone in the road and snapping his wrist clean in half. He has physical stats in the negative but he remains untouchable bc he gets one word out and boom trauma dump time.

Jon: "Excu—"

Random Ninja #4: "Sometimes I look down at my hands and find them covered in their blood once again. No matter how hard I scrub it never comes off. The silence taunts me. The dark whispers to me. Do you think if I embraced the darkness it could finally end?"

Jon: "Right then, err— I'll just look for the exit on my own."

Random Ninja #4, tears streaming steadily down their face as they stare at something only they can see: "I can still hear their screams. It never stops. Every day, in and out, it hums in the back of my mind. They grow so loud in the quiet, I can't even hear myself think. I'll never be rid of them, I don't deserve to be rid of them—"

Jon actually has trouble having a single conversation with literally anyone bc everyone has so much shit weighing on their mind it's near impossible to NOT accidentally compell them into sharing. It's awful!! He wants it to stop!!! At this point he's debating just not talking and carrying around some paper and a pen with him.

Anyways I just think the potential for TMA/Naruto is off the charts actually. So many crossovers come down to strength vs strength as a deciding factor of how the chips land but Jon is like THE pathetic meow meow most ever. Tho tbf he's also a certified roach, can not be killed no matter how bad he sometimes looks like he WANTS to die. Jon's strengths are literally all talk, you could put a knife in his hand and he'd probably accidentally stab himself with it 5 minutes in. I want to see a fic where in a world of strength everyone is terrified of a man who can do nothing but make you talk.

Also he's British. Cmon. Stuffy british man meets forest ninjas. That's funny.

#Jon can't be allowed in a hidden village he'd start a war in minutes just by existing

Fic snippet under the cut bc I ended up writing a scene for it (idk if I'll keep writing but I'm having fun for now)

Exterior, Konoha.

There's a clattering noise as first a tape recorder falls to the floor, and then the Archivist besides it.

The Archivist: "Oof—!"

The Archivist groans. There's a sound of a trapdoor closing in the background.

The Archivist: "Where . . . ? Oh, yes, of course you came with me."

A scrape as the Archivist picks up the tape recorder. When he speaks next, it's much more clear.

The Archivist: "Now then, where in the world are we?"

Well then. Right off the bat, Jon has absoloutley no idea where he is.

Though as soon as that thought floats up in his mind, he suddenly does Know where he is. Inside the walls of Konoha, dropped here through a trap door that, while belonged to Helen, did not belong to her enough to have sent him here on purpose.

Wait, what?

Jon stood from where the trap door had dumped him onto the floor, brushing off his long skirt and then ruffling it to make sure it fell down to his ankles without catching.

He frowned, spinning around to digest his view. He's surrounded by unfamiliar buildings, not just unfamiliar in that he doesn't recognize them, but in that the architecture itself is strange to him. He squints, and tries to wonder at where he is especially hard, but no answer comes to him.

Damn. Blasted thing never works when he tries to Know things on purpose.

He was in an empty alleyway, which was convenient for him really. He imagined that it'd make quite a scene if he simply appeared from a trap door that hadn't / shouldn't / didn't ever really exist in the middle of a busy street.

A busy street much like the one directly connected to the alleyway, he thought, slowly making his way over and poking his head out into the street.

Unfamiliar faces pass by, all pale skinned oddly enough. After a second he realizes everyone he sees is Japanese— Hold on is he in Japan—?!

He ducks back into the alleyway and begins to hiss at the floor where he'd popped into existence at.

"Helen! Helen come back here, Helen!"

He gets no answer and he has no idea if it's because she's ignoring him or if she can't hear him at all. He Knew she hadn't sent him here on purpose, though he didn't know where she'd originally meant to drop him off. But did that mean she'd lost track of him perhaps?

He sort of at least expect some haunting giggles or maybe a lilting, "have fun, Archivist" or something along those lines if she meant to abandon him here for real.

Though she very well may be watching from behind an unseen door, keeping her laughter to herself as she watched him nervously shuffle around an alleyway and hiss her name at the walls.

His scowl grows has he just imagines it. "Oh haha, yes very funny, come on you've had your laugh now come back."

Nothing.

"Helen!"

Again, nothing.

He grumbled under his breath, running hands through his hair in attempt to soothe himself as he took a few deep breaths.

"Alright Jon, this is fine. You'll be fine. It's just— Japan. Apparently. Probably. Just stranded in another country entirely, wonderful, thank you Helen, really. Better than the circus, at least. And nothing has even tried killing me yet, that must be a record."

"Excuse me?"

Jon jumped and whirled around as a voice piped up behind him. It was a boy, dark haired and eyed, in what looked like some sort of uniform vest.

"Are you alright?"

"Uhm."

The words the boy spoke were Japense, definatley. The noises strange and unfamiliar, who knew only English and a small amount of Tamil. But he somehow understood it, and when he opened his mouth to reply the words instinctively came out in the same language the boy spoke.

"Err, yes, apologies. I seem to be a bit lost."

Well then. Thank you Ceaseless Watcher.

The boy blinked, and looked him up and down, his eyes stalling several times as he examined Jon — his oxford shoes first, then his librarian skirt, then the band-tee and cardigain, before lingering over the tape recorder he held, and then on his very scarred, very unfamiliar face.

Jon, Jon suddenly Knew, had absoloutley no hope whatsoever in the slightest, at passing for someone even remotely native to this country.

"First time visiting Konoha?"

"Oh, yes, definatley." Jon ran another nervous hand through his hair, suddenly self continous. "Could you point me towards the ah, British embassy perhaps? I was mugged you see, lost all of my IDs."

The boy blinked. "The British what?" Then he shook his head. "No, sorry, you were mugged?"

"Umm yes, very unfortunate, nothing I could do," he flapped a hand as if he could wave away the worry the boy now directed at him. "but it's fine I'll get it all sorted out at the embassy if you happen to know where that is. Which you don't. So err, do you have a phone I could maybe borrow?"

"A phone?" The boy parroted.

"Yes, a cellphone, could I borrow yours?"

"A cellphone?"

"Yes? Please?"

Jon was getting a little antsy now, clearly the boy was no help. Seemed to be fucking with him a little, to be honest.

The boy only stated at him, his dark eyes surprisingly piercing despite his age. Jon felt a little intimidated. Which was embaressing— he was a fledgling horror beyond human comprehension after all! A monster in training, loathe he was to admit it. And this kid was what, 15?

"Maybe you should come with me to the police station." The boy finally said, breaking their staring contest.

"Oh, no that's fine, really. I'll figure it out, thank you though."

"No, I insist." The kid said, and now there was a touch of steel in his voice as he began to approach.

"Excuse me?" Jon blinked.

"You heard me, were going to the station. Come along peacefully please."

"I think not, just who exactly do you think you are?"

"Uchiha Shisui, Shunshin no Shisui Jonin ID 639492" The boy said, and then immediatley stilled.

"Oh— shit, I'm sorry." Jon apologized on instinct. "I didn't mean to—"

"What was that." Shisui demanded, the hints of steel in his voice turning into a solid wall as he focused his eyes — dark before but now heavy with intensity — on Jon. "What did you just do to me?"

"Err, listen, maybe you should just go back home you really don't want to get involved with all of this, I mean—"

"I'm placing you under arrest for using genjutsu on a Konoha Jonin"

"Um. No thank you."

"Yeah, that's not really going to cut it." Shisui said dryly, taking a step towards Jon.

"Tell me about yourself!" Jon blurted in an attempt to get Shisui to stop, well, whatever it was he was doing. Arresting him? Christ, the kid was 16. He seemed awfully sure of himself though.

It worked, Shisui immediatley stopped what he was doing as a flood of information began to pour from him.

"I was born in October. I like crows and cats which is a little stereotypical of me, I know, but I can't help it. Itachi, my best friend, likes to tease me about it by saying I'm such a stereotype but it's not like he can talk, he's the poster boy for the Uchiha stereotype."

"Um, right, yes," Jon nodded along as he began to edge out of the alleyway.

Shisui didn't react, his eyes distant as he fell deeper down whatever road Jon had compelled him down. He was talking an awful lot, was he naturally chatty or was the compulsion just that strong? Either way Jon wouldn't complain.

"Itachi, I worry about him. Fuck, I worry so much. He's doing his best but we're both so in over our heads with the coup and everything with elder Danzo, he shouldnt have to deal with any of this. We have a plan and I have to hope it works, but no matter what we do all of the options feel wrong. A betrayal of the village or a betrayal of the clan," Shisui snorted, his head twitching a fraction as if he wanted to shake it. "It's a lose lose no matter what."

"That does sound awful, why don't you tell me about it?"

Shisui nodded, the movment distant, and opened his mouth to do just that.

Jon meanwhile, fled. Leaving Shisui to ramble to empty air.

jawbone-xylophone

Consider: there are so many fics of Naruto getting accidentally adopted by someone. Imagine Jon, against all logic and reason, being adopted by Naruto as his new dad and Literally Everyone Involved With Naruto having to deal with Jon at like. Parent teacher conferences. Iruka's hatred of the fox. The literal fact the Kyuubi exists. Various war crimes. People infodumping about Naruto's actual parents. Jon has never been more stressed in his life, but honestly who else could Watch the kid?

Qualifications for babysitting the local nuclear bomb: former antichrist who just wants to be a person so bad.

Chapter 8: (JJK Crossover) Suguru adopts baby Kakashi

Summary:

This one is so fucking short I debated not adding it at all but decided a) this is my corner of the internet I can do what I want, and b) its like really funny guys like cmon. cmon.

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"Kid Kakashi somehow spawns in jujutsu kaisen and looks concerningly similar to gojo" trope only instead of Satoru finding him first, Suguru does

Kakashi gets a dad and Suguru gets the world's most horrifically loyal child soldier, everyone wins (except for the people who really, really dont)

#idk I feel like theres just a lot of potential there? #itd be interesting for sure #god knows Ill never write it but like !! putting the idea out there in the hopes that Ill get lucky and someone else does #so I can read it like 10 times

Chapter 9: Baby!Kashi projects on half Hatake Tobirama after his fathers suicide Pt.1

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Fuck ok, gather 'round it's time for another fic idea spinning off of a crumb from my last post ab time traveling team Ro into founders era:

Summary:

Fact 1; Kakashi is now 3 weeks the last living Hatake.

Fact 2; Tobirama Senju, according to dusty old scrolls Kakashi finds in his father's study, was apparently half Hatake himself.

Lonley and hurting, Kakashi grabs on to this fact with both hands and squeezes it so tight to his aching heart that his hands bleed.

Or, still processing his father's suicide, Konoha's favorite baby genius finds out he's distantly related to history's favorite baby genius and immediatly starts projecting to cope.

Digging through old journals, history books, Kakashi begins to try his own hand at the man's favorite past time; creating jutsu's. It's the both the hardest thing he's ever done and the most satisfying to date.

Ft.

1) Weirdly chill scene with Danzo (fuck that guy but hear me out) where he kinda looks at Kakashi and sees the hint of the shadow of the man who taught him. Not quite there yet, not fully, but crumbs of it. Enough to make him nostalgic, and enough to hand over an old journal that used to belong to Tobirama.

A calculated risk, he tells himself.

An unspoken challenge, both Danzo and Kakashi understand.

He wants to see how far Kakashi can go, finds himself almost eager to see how close he can come to the shadow of the man he seems so determined to chase.

(and if this side project temporarily distracts him for long enough that Orochimaru slips through his fingers, well, it's not like he knows it was this event specifically that caused that plan to fall through)

2) The fact that, both due to time and the Hatake clan's less than stellar reputation during the warring states era, Tobirama's Hatake ancestry got buried. Kakashi finding him on a dusty old family tree has ✨️political implications✨️ for Kakashi specifically. Ones he isn't all too interested in — unless it means he might be able to access things he otherwise wouldn't've.

Also just general fun surprised Pikachu faces from some people as an added bonus.

3) Kakashi becoming even more terrifying than he rightfully should be at that age !! Danzo pretty much handed him a missile and went "lmao good luck" with that journal! He should not have that! He's learning things! He is experimenting! Someone take the missile away from the baby before he learns how to make his own— oh fuck it's too late hes somehow made a nuke instead

4) Orochimaru poking Kakashi with a stick and vice versa. They are making baby genius <--> baby genius eye contact it's mildly concerning, Minato is concerned. Obito is jealous, he wishes the Snake Sannin would poke HIM with a stick

5) Kakashi bites someone. That's it that's the bullet point I just think he should get to bite someone is all.

And more !!! Im ngl I think I like Tobirama just existing in the fic as as an ever present shadow, super influential in just every single chapter but never actually present. But I won't lie if I'm giggling over the thought of Kakashi finding Edo Tensei and going ".... ok but what better way to figure out this new jutsu / seal than to ask the source directly."

Orochimaru would so help he's having too much fun with this to bother experimenting on children for Danzo. Don't talk to him rn he's having fun with corpses!! No not the corpses you asked him to have fun with, the other ones!

Continues in Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Baby!Kashi projects on half Hatake Tobirama after his fathers suicide Pt.2

Notes:

Ended up adding more to this

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Continued from Ch.9

Ok so I'm like. Actually writing this now. Will hopefully put up chapter 1 within the next week. Have some additional points for my plan for the fic;

1) Tobirama is Kakashi's biological great-uncle. Sakumo's mother was the sister of Tobirama's mother, and there's definatley a family resemblance if you know what to look for.

I want at LEAST 1 joke about Kakashi "hiding some matching stripes under that mask of yours" once someone points out the resemblance. It'd be funny and Kakashi could have a moment of actually considering drawing his own red stripes on to match Tobirama before getting embaressed about it

2) I want Kakashi to find Tobirama's old pelt and curl up in it to sleep with late at night, it'll be cute.

Hatake's are supposed to be buried with their pelts but Tobirama's pelt belonged to his mother, who passed it on to him instead of being buried with it. So keeping with that tradition, Tobirama wanted to pass it along to the closest he had to a son, Kagami.

But wanting to be sure Kagami recieved both it and an explanation of what it really meant, Tobirama arranged for it to first go to his aunt. She was supposed to then hand it off to Kagami along with that explanation about what it meant from a clan perspective and how Tobirama bestowing it to him could count as an adoption if he chose to accept it as such. But she ended up dying not too long after Tobirama, and the pelt was lost — forgotten in a locked trunk somewhere in her home, along with a letter addressed to Kagami.

Till Kakashi finds it and resolves to bring it to whatever remains of its owner.

If Shisui were older and in this fic I'd give it to him but he AINT, so. Kakashi will probably end up keeping the pelt and that letter and offer of adoption will probably end up being a massive political piece for the Uchiha

3) Danzo, exasperated by his failure to get Orochimaru to commit to the true mad scientist lifestyle, manages to pressure him into accepting just one single test subject.

Enter 4 year old, suspected senju bastard Tenzo. He just kind of gets shoved into Orochimaru's arms, with Orochimaru being told to at least try to figure out the mokuton thing with him.

But again, Orochimaru is very distracted by Kakashi and all this very old, interesting research he's digging through, so yeah, cool idea Danzo, but he has multiple things going for him right now. So no spooky torture lab for Tenzo.

Instead, Tenzo kind of just gets carted around by Orochimaru and Kakashi both like he's a little purse dog.

And instead of purely trying to copy paste Hashirama's dna into Tenzo to give him mokuton, there's now some fun funky seal fuckery involved in helping recreate it from scratch.

Maybe something to do with the Hatake's white chakra can help give Orochimaru the inspiration he needs? Idk but he's still doing some unethical mad science for sure, there's just no test tube babies and torture labs involved.

When Tenzo does finally develop mokuton, the village (read; Danzo and Sarutobi, also just clan politics in general) tries to claim him as clanless and shove him somewhere to make it easier to control him and keep him a secret. But Kakashi uses the Senju -> Hatake pipeline to forcibly claim him as one of his own clan.

He later apologizes for this to Tenzo, who only tackles him with a hug and says "don't apologize for stupid things" (they are a family now)

Orochimaru makes a dry joke about almost being jealous and Kakashi offers to adopt him into the clan too. Orochimaru makes very intense eye contact with him for way too long, before scoffing and looking away as he says something about being the last of his own clan and refusing to abandon that (he's tempted tho)

4) Orochimaru and Tenzo both infect Kakashi with The Most Unsettling Stare Known To Man(tm)

He's learned a brand new intimidation tactic and it's made even spookier because he's like 6! He has that spooky baby stare from all the horror movies! It's great! It can make anyone uncomfortable!

5) Kakashi lives in his clan compound, but physically can not bring himself to enter his own house. There are 4 other homes on hatake land tho, each belonging to some old Hatake who's now long dead, and he takes up residence in one of them.

To those of you who've read my fic, 'one step three steps' I'm putting him in Kurumi's house because it's the only one I've thought about for more than 2 minutes, so it's all primed and ready to go in my brain

6) Minato is like 18/19 in this btw and he's SO stressed. Team 7 has been together for like a month or two so far, and I'm putting Kakashi at 6, Rin at 11, and Obito at 12

7) I don't know where he is but Genma is around. I want to give him a role somewhere because I love him dearly and he's one of my favorite people to just make a random bystander. Grown up him is my default for "guy who knows all the gossip" I think he deserves to get an early start.

Anyone who wants to be notified when I post chapter 1, just say so and I'll @ you when it goes up. No promises on how soon that is tho

This is now an actual fic, Chasing Shadows, written by me

Chapter 11: Fluffy Kakashi ask

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Anonymous asked:

HI SO IVE BEEN GOIGN THROUGH YOUR LIKE RAMBLES AABOUT HATAKE'S AND STUF HEHEHE AND I LOVE YOUR TAKES SO I JUST WANNA KNOW ON HOW FEEL ABOYUT HAIRY HATAKE'S

LIKE KAKASHI IS TOO SKIN

GIVWE THIS GUY BODY FUR

#theres something wrong with him #hes a SHINOBI guys hes done things #hes seen things

IVE NEVER THOUGHT AB IT?

Immediatley Im reminded of that one post pointing out how no one in Naruto has body hair and speculating ab how whoever is in charge of ANBU uniforms has those boys on a schedule of waxing regularly. Which is funny on several levels as well as being interesting when u start thinking ab it being about like, the potential of leaving hairs behind at a crime scene or something

The ANBU uniform person is just VIOLENTLY against body hair, they want their bois smooth and shiny no matter the gender for uniform reasons

Grabbing that and smashing it into fuzzy Kakashi tho, just for you

Waxing for ANBU sucks when your clan is is biologically inclined towards being extra hairy all around, 0/10 Kakashi would not recommend

When he left ANBU, he kept doing it out of habit and also he was a little embaressed ab it— which also plays into just how much skin he tends to keep covered up with the turtleneck and the long sleeves and the mask and everything

But as time passed and he began to relax into a less stressful life, along with being able to gain some good healthy weight, he also stopped with the uniform waxing (in this house we stan a skinny character putting meat back on their bones as a show of them healing)

He's very pale and his body hair is even lighter than his hair, so it tends to blend in unless you're close enough to notice or are looking for it, so it actually took him a little bit to notice and remember it was growing back in

Kakashi stomach fluff,,,,

Once he was out drinking with Genma, Gai and some of the others, and Genma started drunkenly petting his arm bc he thought it was a dog. Kakashi did not know how to react to this so he simply chose not to (I love u compartementalization king)

He however could no longer ignore it when the others noticed and began to join in, and then poofed away to go stare at a wall or perhaps lay face down in a ditch in embaressment

The next day he mentions to Tenzo he's thinking about going back to just waxing it off regularly and suddenly someone (pick your poison: his students, his friends, a love interest, who knows) is knocking down his door like "DO NOT REMOVE THE FLUFF ITS YOUR BEST ASSET!!!!!!" as he very confusedly asks how they know where he lives (Tenzo ratted him out)

Anyways hope this helped feed whatever you were looking to feed, thanks for the ask

Chapter 12: kind of dark!Hashi but Izuna is the only one who can see it

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Part 1 of 4 of dumb fic ideas that I found buried in my notes app

Soft smiles, sharp teeth

"There is something deeply wrong with the man known as Senju Hashirama. Izuna, sage bless him, seems to be the only one who notices.

Or; Hashirama is sort of a maniac under all those smiles and Izuna is losing his mind over the fact that no one but him sees it."

// Maybe hashiizu, maybe not, would depend on just how the writing feels. Tempted to go with it tho bc it could be fun and there really isn't enough hashiizu content out there

Kind of dark!Hashi but idk how far I'd lean into it. He's definatley not as gentle as he seems tho— Tbrm is the only other person aware of it but they grew up together so he's immune to the "Oh hey what the fuck actually!" factor and Izuna is NOT. Madara thinks he's crazy and p much everyone takes Izuna being weird ab Hashi as his 'usual' Senju paranoia but it really isn't actually, there's something legitimately wrong with that man

Scene where tbrm is like "you know he thinks you're clinically insane, right?" And Hashirama just goes "I know!!! Isn't it so cute?? :DD" and Tbrm sighs bc no. No it isn't.

Izuna and Tobirama finally bond bc after Hashirama does some crazy shit, Izuna looks Tobirama directly in the eyes and goes "I'm so sorry about ur brother" and Tobirama feels weirdly validated after years of being the only one to truly understand his brothers specific brand of insanity

Chapter 13: canon Obito falls into a modern AU and ends up with modern!Kakashi and feels things about it

Chapter Text

Part 2 of 4 of dumb fic ideas that I found buried in my notes app

Down the rabbit hole

Obito falls into a modern AU via kamui fuckery and doesn't know how to deal with this soft, civilian version of Kakashi he ends up finding.

Kakashi is into tarot, wears a medical mask and is somewhat sickly. Has some sort of chronic illness that prevents him from doing too much physical activities

I want to see Obito play some sort of game as Kakashi cheers him on and Obito goes fucking wild off that fact alone bc of layers of reasons and insecurities and hang ups— especially and specifically the pedestal he put Kakashi up on as a kid that he only sort of managed to grow out of. He is reawakening things he tried very very hard to bury

With the modern world standards of strong being so pathetically weak compared to Obito he really gets to have that power complex or whatever fed. Specifically with Kakashi being a noticeably weak (even for a civilian, which Obito can NOT wrap his head around) it's fueling all sorts of daydreams and old fantasies about Obito getting to be some sort of hero, swinging in to save everyone ~~read: the guy he wants the approval of being strong the most~~ at the last second

It's mostly just stupid fluff of him fucking around modern day being incredibly weird about familiar faces (Kakashi especially) but with some angsty character focus sprinkled in here and there. Obito getting to play into being a hero for a much weaker Kakashi is doing things to his brain and they aren't all good

This is now a real fic, A thought and a prayer (will never be enough (to protect Obito from his own stupidity)) by Name-Changed-For-Legal-Reasons, aka me lmao

Chapter 14: obkk accidental marriage that was supposed to be a joke but Obito took it too seriously

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Part 3 of 4 of dumb fic ideas that I found buried in my notes app

Till death do us part (or your stupid face kills us both)

(Baby era) Obito schemes to see Kakashi w/out the mask but when he succeeds Kakashi makes out some random shit ab how now they have to get married just to fuck with him

Obito is horrified!!! But refuses to be a failure of a husband!!! This boy is gonna be the husband who stepped up, if nothing else than as a fuck you to his own absent dad

Maybe he talks to his grandma ab how his dad was trash or smthn to really enforce the motives?

Kakashi was just kidding but Obito is being weirdly enthusiastic about this and he's in too deep now oh god someone get him out of this it was supposed to be a joke to freak him out but now if he says something he's the one who will look dumb (also he may like the attention more than he wants to admit)

Or maybe it was actually Kushina who thought of the marriage joke, and they're BOTH horrified but like. Duty !!! Idk

Pure crack

Chapter 15: Sasuke decides to get married to get back at Itachi because hes like 8 and thinks this makes sense

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Part 4 of 4 of dumb fic ideas that I found buried in my notes app

Sasuke Uchiha's 10 step plan to get revenge"

Someone once said that the best revenge is living well. Sasuke maybe takes this a bit too seriously.

Or, Sasuke decides that the best possible revenge on Itachi he can get is to "live a good life." Which includes but is not limited to; starting a "happy family," learning to bake, going to therapy and dragging the entirety of Kohona into a better tomorrow. Take that Itachi.

Super cracky fic where Sasuke basically makes a bucket list of stereotypical things a housewife or outdated grandparent might point to in order to say you lived a good life

On a bit of a stupid cracky baby marriage kick so kind of thinking Sasuke decides he needs to get married and start a family. But girls are annoying and loud and dumb so he'll just choose one of the boys instead. He starts aggressively knocking on some of his classmates doors like *You. Do you want to get married.* (he gets the door shut in his face multiple times)

Sasunaru is the obvious choice but I'm lowkey leaning towards shikasasu? Just bc I like rarepairs and shikamaru, and I can see Sasuke singling him out bc he's quiet, from a good clan, and is one of the only people in class who can be fucking normal around him for more than 5 minutes at a time. Clearly husband material!

It'd be funny if Naruto actually did approach him like "so I hear ur,, looking to get married,,,, or whatever,,,,,, whiCH IS DUMB AND I BET NO ONE WOULD EVEN WANT TO GET MARRIED TO YOU SO YOU SHOULD JUST MARRY ME ACTUALLY!!!!!"

Sasuke turns him down because his housewife guide to living a good life says he needs to marry someone who can support him and Naruto is a clanless orphan

Naruto is very offended and goes on a quest to prove he's totally good husband material and can for sure support Sasuke!!!

Meanwhile Shikamaru has been dodging Sasuke's attempts to talk to him like the fucking plague

Shikamaru is using Naruto as a shield, they are all running circles around each other and the teachers are placing bets on who's going to win and how long this idiocy is going to last

Endgame Shikanarusasu would be objectively the funniest choice actually

The girls in class all want both of the boys dead I think Sakura and Ino both are plotting actual murders. Sakura gets over being a shy girl early out of pure outrage and there may be a duel to the death or two for "Sasuke's honor" (Sasuke wants out of here so bad)

Maybe Sakura starts on Sasuke about how he cant get married to a boy because thatd make him a WIFE and he cant be a wife because hes a boy or smthn. Which is dumb and Sasuke decides he meant to be a husband but you know what?? Fuck you maybe he WILL be a wife. Which ends up turning into a Sasuke vs Sakura rivalry over who can be the best potential wife, which also speeds up Sakura's character development bc that girl needs some of it

Sakura is grabbing Ino like "well if YOUR husband is going to be a BOY then MINE will be a GIRL" and now its a really passive aggressive local lesbians vs not actually together homo trio. They are terrifying and their idea of what marriage is supposed to look like is all based off of what your average 10 year old would assume its supposed to look like

wlw / mlm hostility fr

Somewhere off in the distance Itachi is getting his Sasuke updates from his birds + Sarutobi and just. "My brother is WHAT."

Chapter 16: canon Tobirama gets zapped into a modern AU and college student Izuna gets stuck with him

Chapter Text

"All you ever do is time and dimension travel, maybe get a new thing" shut the fuck up and take more unasked for dimension travel shenanigans

In the same vein as my fic idea where Obito gets kamui'd into a modern AU and kind of loses it over normal civilian guy Kakashi, please now take;

✨️ Into the (un)known and far beyond ✨️

Canon Tobirama gets zapped into a modern AU and runs face first into college student Izuna.

The catch is that the fic is told from Izuna's POV and modern AU Tobirama does exist and is like, around.

As you may assume, this causes complications!

(From here on out, Modern!Tobirama is going to be called Tobi and Canon!Tobirama is just Tobirama)

Izuna has had a hate crush on Tobi since they first met in freshman year, the feeling is not mutual Izuna barley exists on Tobi's radar and that fact infuriates him.

At first, hes convinced Tobirama is fucking with him, and Tobirama kind of assumes this might be a death bed hallucination. Something his brain came up with to keep him entertained in his final moments, yknow? But after a bit, he's quick on the uptake— tho Izuna is very not.

Izuna is CONVINCED he's being fucked with right now and does! Not! Appreciate it!

If nothing else the really stupid look Tobirama gets on his face every time he looks at Izuna is somewhat satisfying at least.

(Tobirama meanwhile has no fucking clue how to act here. He's aware he should probably like, leave, but some sense of morbid curiosity / duty keeps him oddly spellbound as Izuna bullies him into sleeping on the couch)

(Hes... not totally convinced that this isn't some sort of really weird hallucination)

Chunks of the fic are just Izuna shoving Tobirama into the nearest closet and leaning on it very (not) casually as people who know Tobi pass by. Including but not limited to Madara and Hashirama, who Tobirama refuses to be in the same room as for multiple reasons.

Also, himself!!

Izuna is going to his classes alternating between staring at Tobi like a man possessed and being so visibly out of it that he doesn't even look at Tobi even once. And Tobi is very much noticing (Maybe Izuna really was on his radar more than he thought he was)

Izuna stop acting like a freak challenge (impossible)

I think Hikaku gets to be the first one to realize there are two Tobirama's, both bc I love Hikaku, he's just smart like that, and he'd probably keep his mouth shut ab it.

He's enterung the room then very slowly backing out and closing the door and going, "when I open the door back up I don't want to see any doppelganger of men I know is in the room over." And when he opens it Izuna is physically cringing as he leans against the closet door in a very Not Suspicous Pose(tm)

Hikaku is so tired of this already. You know what? He doesn't want to know. Have fun Izuna, please don't call him when shit inevitably catches fire.

Tempted to say some sort of threat came with Tobirama when he entered the dimension, just for funzies. But also I dunno

I also kind of want to say that we get modern Tobiizu, and that the canon Tobirama is either not interested at all or lowkey hung up on Madara.

Tobirama is catching a glimpse of modern Madara, who's visibly so much happier, and kind of just shutting down.

He is going THROUGH it as Izuna stares at him in slow dawning horror. Tobirama is sitting on the couch, head in his hands as Izuna thwacks him with a rolled up magazine and yells "DO! NOT! LOOK! AT! MY BROTHER! LIKE THAT" between each thwack

(Tobirama can't decide if this is hell or not. Maybe it's some kind of divine punishment?? Doesnt have to be hell if its just his shit karma catching up to him)

Tobirama is both a lot sharper and a lot softer than Tobi. Obviously like, killing machine vs college student, the sharpness is self explanatory. But also he's now surrounded by dead faces and yeah, he's stressed as hell, but he's finally free from paperwork hell (unlike his counter part) and in a basically conflict free world from his point of view

Also I think he's just out of practice with dealing with Izuna, who meanwhile is wayyy too comfortable with taking every shot he can get at him. Tobirama will willingly go along with his bullshit and shenanigans both because he. Kind of doesn't know how to say no to him without feeling weirdly guilty about it. And also because this is an unfamiliar world and like, they're civillians!! Izuna is getting away with so much because Tobirama doesn't have a frame of reference to know if it's normal civilian behavior for this world.

Tobi meanwhile has been consistently dealing with Izuna's shit for years and can and will shut his ass down in a heartbeat. Izuna kind of hates him.

A funny bit could actually be where Tobirama talks pretty formally, vs everyone else bc modern. Tobirama is shooting off some under the table insult he'd use at a council meeting as Izuna grumbles "holy shit just call him a dumb bitch like a normal person"

Anyways yeah it'd mostly be silly fun times with sprinkles of angst on Tobirama's part. Maybe some more dramatics if a threat did come through with Tobirama but nothing serious

Chapter 17: Madara writes poems and Tobirama keeps them. Also theyre both a little fucked up, but what else is new

Chapter Text

Welcome back to fic ideas I refuse to ever actually write! On today's episode we have even more madatobi content because I'm fucking fascinated by these little freaks

Anyways;

A fic told in a series short scenes and of poems written by Madara that follow him from Izuna's death, into falling in love, and eventually in abandoning the village.

They start off pretty fucked up and heavy with depression before slowly growing lighter over time, many of them heavily featuring a 'moon rabbit' that the man seems to hate himself for loving

But eventually as some more time passes and he draws closer to abandoning the village, the poems turn a sharp turn back into darker writing— something along the lines of wanting to slit a moon rabbits throat to see if it's blood is as beautiful as it's skin or as ugly as it's heart.

The final scenes of the fic are of Tobirama finding his poems— only some of which he'd actually seen before. He tucks them away somewhere in a box, and the pages are lost to time much like their own story was.

Definatley not gonna write this but I will however reference it in Chasing Shadows because I love the idea of Kakashi piecing together lost history. So like, tune in for that I guess?

Chapter 18: Obito and Sasuke time travel mistaken identity shennangains

Summary:

another really short one rip

Chapter Text

Big fan of that really niche genre of naruto time travel where Obito looks enough like Madara for it to cause problems.

I want to see him get punted through time and, no matter what version of him got yeeted, have that signature fucked up mess of long hair. Let him get mistaken for Madara but instead of getting upset about it or trying to clear up the misunderstanding he goes ",,, yes. It's me. Uchiha Madara." Then lights a bunch of shit on fire just to cause problems for the real Madara

Bonus points if Sasuke got tossed through time too and is a perfect little copy of Izuna.

Extra bonus points if they've been de-aged but were like, final battle aged before so they want to see eachother dead

The Uchiha and Senju are getting reports of ""madara"" and ""izuna"" trying to fucking beat eachother to death halfway across fire country

Continues in Chapter 63

Chapter 19: Magical girl Izuna AU (aka my personal fave)

Summary:

Magical girl Izuna AU... save me magical girl izuna AU.....

Notes:

I continue to find excuses to draw Izuna in a poofy dress
This might be my favorite AU Ive made so far tbh, I made it a fic all on its own of the outline but then second guessed myself so hard ab it that I deleted it and just put it all here rip

Chapter Text

@oh-no-its-bird 6/8/24

Some Cardcaptor Sakura stuff ended up on my dash and now I'm thinking about a classic magical girl au. Magical girl Izuna my beloved,,

Has anyone done that yet? Am I going to have to be the one to do that? I'm totally going to have to be that guy aren't I. You know what tho, I think I'm ok with that

Alright;

✨️ Magical girl Izuna time ✨️

I think one or the biiju should be his animal mascot / contractor. Kurama is the obvious choice but Matatabi could be fun, and also like, cmon, fire cat.

Alternatively though in a totally different direction, maybe Amaterasu can be the contractor. It could both play into Uchiha lore and also have some shit about his power coming from the rising sun with his magical girl transformation. Maybe he gets stronger the higher the sun is in the sky, and then weaker at night to the point that he can barley even transform. Maybe the villain of this hypothetical magical girl show could be contracted by Kaguya, and get stronger with the moon in contrast.

Fun scene where despite it being night, he's able to transform because of sun lamps or some conviniently placed solar pannels or smthn.

Maybe the villain of that episode was depending on tech or something, so he gets to shout some quippy line about how "Oh yeah don't you just LOVE the wonders of modern technology!" Before fucking bludgeoning them to death with a magical girl staff or whatever his weapon is

Anyways, set it in vaguely highschool because this shit is always set in a school and I wanna have fun hitting all the tropes.

It acts on a "monster/villain of the week" system with some big shadowy bad guy apparently pulling the strings behind the curtains. The monsters are all existing people or animals, "corrupted by the shadow of the moon" or something along those lines. The moon promises them power to fulfill their wishes but then the wish will inevitably go wrong or the power will be too much for the person, corrupting them.

Izuna uses the power of Amaterasu's light ~~and violence~~ to purify whatever person/animal and return them to normal. Only some people are harder and sometimes require some good old power of friendship yelling to get through to them (this does not stop Izuna from usually just defaulting to violence tho)

Amaterasu lore dumps on him that they must be being corrupted by the power of Kaguya-hime, who was sealed away over a thousand years ago. And that with each monster made, she must grow closer to fully escaping. Which is why it's important that Izuna purify these people as fast as possible, to make sure that Kaguya doesn't receive power from their contratracts with her.

In the meanwhile, they need to brainstorm a way to put Kaguya back in her prison if she escapes. Because if she continues corrupting people for their energy, unless Izuna finds out how she's able to communicate with them from her prison, she will escape.

I want Hikaku as the token best friend who's let in on the magical girl secret (maybe by accident at first) and helps from the sidelines despite having no real power (he's the one who would have pulled in clutch with those solar pannels / sun lamps)

Tobirama can be the classic "ice prince" character who Izuna kind of hates and has a stupid rivalry with that usually seems one sided; Till he manages to rile up Tobirama enough to bite back

Touka as a foil to Hikaku but for Tobirama, acting as his best friend and occasional pain in the ass for both him and Izuna (she thinks Izuna is hilarious and that the stress migraine he causes Tobirama is good for him)

Seemingly clueless Madara and Hashirama, who turn out to be the reincarnations of the guys who originally sealed Kaguya away. They've both just graduated and seem to be too busy entering the adult world to notice Izuna getting caught up in magic shenanigans

School princess and shrine maiden Mito, who's ancestor was someone who helped to seal Kaguya, and who's family shrine still contains some hints at how they did it.

Itama as that one specific trope of a really sickly guy who everyone at school is always gossiping about, and who Tobirama is wayyy overprotective of.

Izuna, Hikaku, Touka and Tobirama are all in the kendo club. Hashirama and Madara were kendo champions and rivals before they graduated and now Izuna and Tobirama seem to be taking up their mantles.

So, Izuna is defeating new moon-mad monsters every week. A lot of them seem to pop up in conviniently nearby places, but he's no closer to finding out how Kaguya supposedly gets in contact with them.

As his adventures progress, he sometimes catches the coat tails of a mysterious other magical girl, but magic prevents him from remembering their face. But they'll appear and help out when he's in a really bad situation, and he sometimes catches them just watching. Suspicious!! But they're too fast for him to ever pin down for a real conversation.

Anyways; Eventually it seems like the monster of this week is going to be a steadily growing tense and unstable Tobirama. Izuna had started to learn the signs of oncoming moon-madness, and he can sense Kaguya's power eating away at him. He swoops in just in time as he sees the power start to consume Tobirama, only to watch as he's somehow able to fight back and regain control.

Still, Izuna will do his due diligence and burn the power away before it can turn him!

Tobirama does not seem to appreciate this. At all.

Queue identity reveal! Only not on Izuna's end.

So, the first twist in our story is that Tobirama ends up being the bad guy.

Flashback some months ago to when this all started:

Tobirama somehow stumbled on Kaguya where she was sealed away. Just like how Amaterasu can only interact with the real world through Izuna, without a magical girl contracted to her to act as her hands, Kaguya could do nothing to escape. So when Tobirama found her, she was immediatley readying her pitch; promising him power, knowledge, all sorts of things if he just helped to set her free. Even offering to bring back his dead brothers.

Though... well, Kaguya's power was fickle. All gods powers are. Amaterasu was only able to contract Izuna without exploding him with the heat of the sun because he was already born one of her children. And Tobirama isn't Kaguya's to claim, which means he ran the risk of getting fucking vaporized or corrupted or going crazy if he accepted the contract.

But with the promise of bringing his brothers back on the table, he wasn't about to say no. And maybe it was through sheer fucking stubbornness, but he was able to handle it. Kind of. He's managing.

(Which is why Izuna can't just purify him with Amaterasu's light or by talking him down, like he does with every moon-mad monster he fights. He's not possessed like they are, he's a proper countracted magical girl, just like Izuna)

Tobirama was able to bring back Itama and give Kaguya some more freedom behind her seal, but still mostly locked away as she was, Kaguya didn't have the power to bring back Kawarama as well, and Itama was brought back weaker than he'd died as.

Which is when Tobirama took matters into his own hands.

He began approaching other people, much like Kaguya had approached him. Offering them contracts with Kaguya on her behalf— only they turned out to not be able to hold on to the contracts like he could. Being corrupted or going mad and becoming moon-posessed. Still, each contract he made added to Kaguya's power and brought her a little closer to escaping her seal. (And closer to giving Tobirama his last brother back)

(And hey, with Izuna keeping the damage to a minimum and helping purify the people after, Tobirama didn't have to feel as guilty about the damage he was causing)

(Still though, when it looked like Izuna was struggling, he'd try to pitch in. Or when a person made an especially desperate wish or had a specific goal to fulfill with their contract, he'd try his best to help with that. If only as an apology)

But stubbornness wasn't enough to keep him safe from the sharp edges of Kaguya's power forever, and as time passed and the more contracts he made and power he gathered for Kaguya, the more he began to risk being consumed himself.

Which leads back to the here and now, with Tobirama assuming that since Izuna attacked, he'd been made. And Izuna first being really fucking confused, then really fucking concerned, then really fucking mad.

They fight, Tobirama gets away, and the next day Izuna gets to experience the most painful school day of his fucking life. Starting with the realization that, while he can recognize Tobirama since he saw him transform, Tobirama doesn't actually know Izuna is the magical girl

Interlude:

Izuna: What the fuck why did he get a wish when he became a magical girl, I want a wish why the fuck didn't I get one

Amaterasu: :3

Izuna: AND PANTS?? WHY DOES HE GET PANTS???

Amaterasu: teehee <3

Izuna: Don't you fucking teehee me right now

Tobirama, knowing he's going to lose himself to Kaguya's power and aware that a) he's come too far there's no backing out now, and b) he's ok with losing himself if it means he can at least bring Kawarama back, decides to go full throttle. Skips all his classes and dissapears to go do shady shit behind the scenes as he massively moves up the time table for setting Kaguya free

He's already losing himself, might as well pump more power into people to create bigger, badder monsters— getting Kaguya even more power and putting even more strain on himself

This is about when Touka finds out what's happening with him, and decides she's ok with embracing the morally gray lifestyle for her bestie. She gets Tobirama to agree that once Kawarama is back, hes ending this shit for good. But till then, well, she always did tell him she'd have his back no matter what. Now she gets to parallel Hikaku even more!!! Yay!!!

Queue final battle time! Kaguya is on the very edge of escape and funneling more power into Tobirama than ever! Tobirama is either about to explode from the inside out or turn into a whole moon monster, it's unclear but he is this fucking close to losing it all. Quite literally, actually.

Touka gets to have a teeny bit of Kaguya's power for this battle, knowing the fight would be short enough and that she has enough self discipline to not immediatley go moon-mad.

She gets to face off with Hikaku, who gets his kendo sword blessed by Amaterasu so he can fight back against her moon powers.

It's all very dramatic and Tobirama gets to fully break out of his ice prince shell as he and Izuna scream and beat the shit out of eachother.

Im thinking that no matter what happens, Kaguya still gets free in the end and it's revealed that actually she and Amaterasu are like, bitter exes and this whole thing was a fucking lovers spat

Season 2 is just 20 episodes of Izuna being mad at Amaterasu as she and Kaguya make out passionately in the bg

Kidding. Probably. Idk I'm having a lot of thoughts rn, there's a shape of something to continue the magical girl train but I need to go do work shit so I'll leave this here for now and come back to it later

Anonymous asked:

Okay but the magic girl Izuna fic is so good!!! Like having the goddesses just be really toxic exes is like peak and goes perfectly with the rest of it

@oh-no-its-bird 6/9/24

If Kishimoto wasn't a coward he would have ended Naruto by having Kaguya get free only for Amaterasu to descend from the heavens and start making out with her sloppy style

(Sbfjskdbd thank u for ur ask I think it's the first one since I moved blogs which makes me happy)

Anonymous asked:

Moon mad lunatics

@oh-no-its-bird 6/11/24

Pretty messy but ✨️more magical girl izuna content ✨️

The moon mad are people who Kaguya gave her power but we're too weak too handle it and kind of lose it. Should have been better idk, Tobirama can't relate

@oh-no-its-bird 6/11/24

Comments

insecuremice Not Kaguya calling Izuna a whore 😭

oh-no-its-bird @insecuremice she knows what he is (and thinks Tobirama is too good for him)

@oh-no-its-bird 6/11/24

Spinning around in a chair consumed with thoughts about the magical girl Izuna AU, specifically about what cool patron gods the others could use as sponsors if they got hit with the magical girl beam. + What would happen after the 'season 1' phase of the story

So, Susanoo, little brother of Amaterasu, hears that Kaguya has gotten free.

He decides that yk what? Time to fuck with the big sister. Kaguya got sealed away for reasons anyways, so why shouldn't he at least make jokes about putting her back where she came from?

Meanwhile Amaterasu is busy yelling at Kaguya for hours then making out with her for even longer as Izuna stares in horror. (Tobirama does not give a shit, he got both of his brothers back at this point and could not be happier. As far as he considers, he's retired. His contract with Kaguya is half broken right now anyways)

So now lets fully shift gears away from Tobirama and Izuna's seeming end of the adventure, and turn to Madara's POV

So Susanoo finds Madara, whos a) compatible with his power via being one of Amaterasu's children. And b) The reincarnation of one of the original guys who sealed Kaguya away.

Perfect match!!

idk how he convinces him to help exactly, maybe Susanoo spins a bit of a story, maybe he pokes at and reawakens the parts of his soul with a grudge against Kaguya, maybe he, like Kaguya, offers him a wish-- Im undecided.

Long story short though, magical girl Madara with Susanoo as his sponsor

Somehow Hashirama finds out, and not one to leave his best friend to his task alone, now gets to join him in the adventure as the powerless backup!! Im such a sucker for that trope.

Susanoo does spend an especially long time squinting at Hashirama before saying something about he has surprisingly strong ties to the earth. Strong enough that he might be able to actually handle a contract with some sort of nature kami -- but only if he can find one willing to offer him their power.

Shrine maiden Mito makes a come back to help back them both up with some cool priest magic. Her ancestor helped to seal Kaguya away with Hashirama and Madara's past incarnation, and theres little clues that can help piece together their past lives and powers littered around her family shrine.

The story dives a bit into Madara and Hashirama learning about their past life. Before, they were able to avoid the karma (good and bad) theyd earned in that life via being ignorant to it. But now that they not only know about their past lives but have now interacted with the gods again (thanks Susanoo, really) they're getting regularly harassed by spirits and minor gods for an array of reasons. Past crimes, bets they lost and deals they forgot or werent able to fuffil,

Thanks Susanoo, really. Really.

So anyways, Susanoo kind of forgot the original reason he contracted Madara (he just got distracted having too much fun watch him be harassed by spirits)

But one day Tobirama shows up in costume while Madara is struggling to fight off some monster of the week, figuring he'd help him out.

(Its important to note that just like before, unless you see the magical girl transformation in real time with your own two eyes, they're all prevented from recognizing/remembering each others faces when in costume. )

Susanoo is like "OH FUCK RIGHT!!" and starts yelling at Madara to like fulfill his destiny and punch out this guys lights

Madara is like ???? he helped me tho ???? but Susanoo points at the big glowing "I only gave you this contract so you could fight Kaguya and if you pull out now Ill leave you alone without the powers to fight off all these spirits who keep trying to eat you" sign

And Madara is like fuck and just goes for it

Tobirama does not appreciate his help being returned like this.

Quick interlude about Tobirama's situation:

So, last time we saw him, Tobirama was risking a full transformation into a moon monster. So why is he seemingly ok using Kaguya's powers now?

The answer is that its because hes stopped giving out contracts on Kaguya's behalf. He can handle Kaguya's power, just in small amounts. Though it still does sometimes cause some discomfort. At his lowest point he was basically acting like a battery for all the power Kaguya couldnt hold bc of how she was sealed. There was way too much power there for any mortal to hold, its honestly a miracle he survied. But now Kaguya is fully free and Tobirama barley even uses her power. (Why would he? He got what he wanted from it, his brothers)

He still has the contract with her because keeping it in place is what keeps his brothers alive. He cant break that without killing his brothers too, but he doesnt mind. Kaguya isnt that bad-- Even tho having Kaguya around means Amaterasu (and thus Izuna) is around too.

Anyways, Tobirama at his strongest is stronger than Izuna (he did kind of win that final battle in releasing Kaguya), but also risks going insane and or exploding from the weight of Kaguya's power. Even if he recovers after, the more times he uses that kind of power, even once, the more he risks long term damage. He now purposefully only uses power in small amounts to avoid that risk. Take that as you will

Alright back to the story;

So. Tobirama and Madara are fighting now. Madara does not want to fight but Susanoo is pretty much blackmailing him at this point and also cheering on loudly from the inside of Madara's head.

Tobirama meanwhile is very down to kick the ass of the apparent jackass who decided to take a swing at him after he went well out of his way to help him out. Also at this point hes a lot more experienced than Madara when it comes to fighting other magical girls, so.

Yeah. Madara gets his ass beat. Not too bad, but like, enough.

He kind of thinks he deserved it too, hes really embarrassed about it. He has MANNERS. Hed never DO this to someone who just fucking SAVED him. And they're the first other actual fr magical girl hes ever met !!!

Madara has his head in his hands in fucking agony rn, Susanoo why would you DO THIS TO HIM???

Tobirama stomps off to go tell Izuna about a seemingly weirdly prone to violence magical girl in town (Izuna, when told that Madara punched Tobirama in the face out of nowhere, quietly mumbles *damn I wish that were me.* Then gets his ponytail yanked on angrily)

(Amaterasu and Kaguya are actually mildly concerned, if only bc another magical girl = another kami physically present in town)

Madara slinks home to tell Hashirama the bad news about possibly having just made an enemy out of whatever community of magical girls apparently exists in town (and its to note that neither of them actually realized they were AROUND)

And then Susanoo drops the "oh yeah that guy was contracted by Kaguya btw so like youre going to either have to kill him or go through him and seal his deity if u wanna fulfill our deal ;)"

Madara: *agonized noises*

Well! At least the moon rabbit contractor isnt someone Madara and Hashirama actually know! Haha thatd suck. That would really, really suck.

So, with Madara's karma pulling in all sorts of spirits, minor gods and monsters to town, we return back to that 'villain/monster of the week' schedule

Meanwhile Izuna and Tobirama are getting pissed at whatever the fuck is attracting all these spookies into town. They thought they were going to get to be retired!!! What the fuck is this!!!!!! Somehow they're able to figure out all these monsters are being attracted by the pull of the new magical girl in town, who keep trying to start shit with Tobirama for seemingly no reason.

In one of those fun 'oh no my friend is in trouble and its all on me to save him!!!' moments, Hashirama manages to find and convince some earth kami to contract with him and join Madara in his fight. He cant just let Madara fight alone! And it may mean inviting the bad karma of his past life to haunt him, but so what? Hed do anything to help out his friend!

(and now there are TWO magnets for spirits gods and monsters to attract them into town, oops)

SO THEN !! With another fun funky turn in the story we enter an arc thats basically the most painful series of miscommunications and secret identities ever. Where Madara, Hashirama and Mito team up to fight against Tobirama and Izuna.

Only none of them realize who the fuck the other is.

Oh ?? Whats that ???? You thought I forgot about Touka and Hikaku?????? WRONG

While Madara and Hashirama fight with Izuna and Tobirama, shrine maiden Mito finds herself faced with two seemingly normal people, just like her. Only not exactly.

Hikaku is still armed with that kendo sword blessed by Amaterasu from the last final battle between Izuna and Tobirama, and now hes had plenty of time to learn how to use it. Sun sword time !!!

Meanwhile Touka has been practicing balancing more of Kaguya's power via a contract through Tobirama. With time, effort, and Tobirama's help, shes able to do some like cool partial transformation into a moon-monster or smthn. Maybe she gets a cool glowy arm?? I really dont know but something like that

I'm actually really into how they continue to contrast eachother. Like, Hikaku's sword contains the purifying light of Amaterasu's sun, which is what's used to chase out Kaguya's power. And Touka is filled with that same barley managed corruptive power of Kaguya's. It's neat! It'd also make sense from a tactical standpoint to pair them up together to fight. If the power gets to be too much for Touka and she starts to loose herself, Hikaku can give her a whack and hopefully help bring her back to reality.

Anyways, while the magical girls cant recognize eachother or be recognized, and Mito might have some fun seal to use to hide her own identity in a similar way, Hikaku and Touka dont!

Maybe they go into the fight without disguising themselves as like an accidental oversight on their part (too used to the protections Tobirama and Izuna have to consider themselves) or maybe they use basic masks, I dunno

Either way, trying to disguise themselves or no, I dont think Madara and Hashirama will fail to recognize their cousins.

Queue another "oh god I know their secret identity but they dont know mine and its !! someone !!! I know !!!!!!!" (can you tell I like this kind of agony because I do)

Well. At least the magical girls arent people they know !!! hahahahahahha. Yeah.

Back to Tobirama and Izuna's POV;

So, you might have realized it by now. But Tobirama's contract with Kaguya is what keeps his brothers alive. In other words, if Kaguya is sealed again, they will instantly die!

Yeah !!! So theres that !!!!

Even if Tobirama and Izuna werent friends, which they kind of are now (and maybe they should also kiss that would be neat) Even if Amaterasu wasnt really pissed and constantly yelling about the gall of some upstart nobodies coming into HER town and putting HER girlfriend back into the moon. Even if Izuna hadn't been interacting a bit more with the revived senju brothers--

Well, Izuna would still be helping Tobirama here. Hes not going to just let Itama and Kwarama die.

So yeah, safe to say that these guys are motivated and out for blood.

Good news Susanoo, you no longer have to worry about goading Madara into attacking first!! Izuna and Tobirama are out for his fucking head!!!

Anyways; No matter how it ends I dont think Susanoo especially actually cares about sealing Kaguya away fr. He really just came to fuck with Amaterasu, and then stayed to watch Madara flail as hes harassed by his past lifes karma.

because I dont want to see Kawarama and Itama fucking dead, Im gonna say Izuna and Tobirama will probably win this one around. Susanoo grumbles about loosing but then Amaterasu spots him and starts screaming directly into his ear

There is however a very fun ending out there where Madara and Hashirama win; In the process managing to make Tobirama go fully insane in his attempt to fight them with too much of Kaguya's power; killing both Itama and Kawarama; Putting Izuna in a coma; Leaving Touka now struggling with the moons power stuck in her without Tobirama to help regulate it; And leaving Hikaku with an arm now unable to ever hold his sword properly again.

Fun times!!

Season 3 after the bad ending is actually Touka and Hikaku picking up the pieces and trying to find a way to fix it all as Madara and Hashirama struggle to comprehend what they've unknowingly done to their own families.

Idk, I'll think about it later

@oh-no-its-bird 6/11/24

@obitoslover you fool you don't know what you just invoked in me

Bad ending season 3 is Touka and Hikaku being forced to take on Tobirama and Izuna's roles

Hikaku has to learn not only to fight with his non-dominant hand, but to navigate life in general. He tries to convince a very 'not happy about any of this' Amaterasu to contract with him temporarily, just so he can try to use her power to help unseal Kaguya or potentially heal Izuna. But Amaterasu couldnt even if she wanted to (which she doesnt) bc a god can only have one chosen champion at a time

Touka with her weak, fake contract to kaguya only still held in place bc of Tobirama's continued survival, continues to struggle with keeping herself under control. While the sun sword helps keep the worst of it at bay, it isnt enough to fully rid her of Kaguya's magic like Izuna would be able to.

They occasionally team up with a devastated Hashirama and Madara to fight off those monsters of the week, but in general they're feeling very "I cant even fucking look at you right now"

Both teams are trying to find ways to unseal Kaguya, but seem to be getting nowhere. This seal is new and shiny and fully charged, nothing like the old, brittle one Tobirama was able to break open after months of nonstop power collecting and nearly breaking himself.

Meanwhile Madara screams at Susanoo, who's kind of over all this crying and devastation (cmon guys it was a joke chill out omg)

Susanoo kind of rolls his eyes and calls him a pussy then wanders off, still leaving Madara with their contract still bc a deal is a deal, but not wanting to bother with quote, "all this bitching"

Somehow they're able to unseal Kaguya for the mid season climax. (probably by joining forces and tons of Mito's help, maybe a little devine intervension)

Kaguya and Amaterasu smooch before Kaguya goes to try and fix Tobirama's shattered mind and return Kawarama and Itama back to life

Only she isn't able to bring Tobirama back fully and theres now Something Wrong With Him(tm) + continuously killing and reviving and killing and reviving Kawarama and Itama has caused some weird side effects, now attracting death gods to town and also some more abstract spooky shit probably

(Lets say that Itama has been revived 3 times now. The first time by Tobirama's first wish, the second time in the climax fight with Izuna back in season 1 where he flatlined for a bit bc of sickness, and then now.)

(Kawarma meanwhile has only been revived the 2 times)

Maybe Itama can see ghosts now or smthn?? Or like, he can see all things that try to hide themselves from mortal eyes, including gods and spirits. So everyone is kind of keeping him in the dark bc 'oh nooo u poor sickly baby dw we'll keep you out of our mess' but he's having his own little adventures with spirits and death gods and its only because no one fucking told him anything that he's possibly going to get in over his head

Tobirama, mostly sane but still very off, spends a lot of time beside the still sleeping Izuna's bedside. He's very quiet, but everyone is just happy to have him somewhat sane and normal passing.

But then BOOM PLOT TWIST

In a culminations of errors and the dreaded mistake of not fucking communicating, Tobirama seemingly out of nowhere, with his only half-there contract with Kaguya, is able to contract with one of the death gods that have been hanging around.

He uses their powers to bring Izuna out of his coma, but also 'just slightly off' (and probably under the influence of the death god) + gets Itama to join him with his cool new spirity senses, bc this whole time Itama has been getting some sweet sweet dark whispers fed to him via all the death gods and spirits that like to hang off him but that only he can see

Theres this big thing where actually, if only Izuna was fucking normally awake and not under whatever thrall he seems to be under rn, he could probably try and fix Tobirama's mind fr this time. Just like he was doing regularly in season 1, curing all those people of the shadows of the moon and the madness that comes with it. But Izuna is under the death gods thumb, and the death god doesnt WANT Tobirama to lose that touch of insanity, bc thats the fun part

Season 4 is having to deal with the fallout of that shit and Tobirama getting to be the hot necromancer villain he was always destined to be

(Maybe at the end of it all Itama can get to be the death gods contracted champion?)

Good ending season 3 is just 20 episodes of a romantic comedy filler / buddy movie where now Tobirama and Izuna get to angrily make out w each other as it's Hashirama and Madara's turn to stare in horror

Meanwhile Touka and Hikaku are having a great time with one of those beach episode where they get way too competitive about beach volleyball and end up misusing their powers for the coolest and most violent match ever

Kaguya and Amaterasu keep swinging between their honeymoon phase and violently hating eachother and everyones so sick of their shit

Mito is teaching Tobirama cool sealing stuff and hes getting concerningly good at it (he probably learned some to begin with back when he was first trying to unseal Kaguya)

Itama and Kawarama live in blissful ignorance, just happy to be here

Continues in Chapter 50

Chapter 20: Tobirama and Izuna's super spectacular BFF road trip through time and space Pt.2

Chapter Text

Continued from Ch.4

Anonymous asked:

after reading your izuna tobi time travel rambles I can't help but think about them just crashing the middle of a council meeting 😭 everyone is shook, and absolutely flabbergasted and ngl they kind of just.. Want the two to stay? (Well, mostly Tobi's old subordinates/students because they feel partially sad and sentimental and OH MY GOD IS THAT FOURTEEN YEAR OLD TOBIRAMA?!?) And then the psycho Hashirama timeline is just amazinggg I can't stop thinking about it you're actually infecting my brain bro

NO BC IVE BEEN THINKING NONSTOP ABOUT THAT EXACT SCENARIO LATLEY MYSELF !! The brain worms are spreading...

(Cont. From this post for those without context)

Every other time Tobirama and Izuna enter a world where it's modern Konoha, they start taking bets about which one of them died there. Funny bit where Izuna says smthn about how there quote, "aren't nearly enough crazy nightmare trees and brainwashed people for you to have died here" (bc 9 times out of 10 in worlds where Tobirama dies Hashirama loses it to a spectacular degree that leaves a VERY visable mark on Konoha)

Actually, taking that thought, it could be fun if they got dropped into a seemingly normal Konoha only to find out that hey Tobirama did die in this one, but it seems to be the 1 out of 10 that Hashi was able to stay sane

Only nope!! Surprise attack!! He's just really really good at pretending to be normal and when they try to leave he plays his hand, lots of fire and explosions ensue and they just barley escape

Izuna and Tobirama are SO tired of people trying to force them to stay in places, theyve had Madara do it they've had Hashirama do it, maybe they even had alternate versions of eachother do it. They !! Want !! To go !! Home !!!!

Also you can't tell me that seeing a young version of them specifically would hit Madara/Hashi harder than any revived adult version could. They're lowkey the "idealized" versions of their brothers, still small and in need of being protected, not consumed with anger and burdened by the things they've done and seen in the war. They're silly little guys!! And they're slamming on ALL the "Oh god I need to protect my little brother" buttons, it's sooo bad

Anyways, them crashing into a council meeting after quite a few different rounds of dimension hopping. Meaning they really don't give a shit ab destroying anything bc they've already come to the conclusion that it's too late to be worrying ab any potential side effects of fucking with possible time lines.

They're immediatley diving across the table making grabby hands at their friendly ball of interdimensional light as it floats off, trying to go for it as soon as they land before it wanders off and they're left having to hunt for it.

I need you to picture these 2 kids just DIVING across a table of important clan people shouting smthn ab DO NOT TOUCH THAT FUCKING LIGHT

They miss it and it dissapears through a wall rip

Maybe they end up slamming into it trying to catch it for comedy effect actually

Other than just sentimentality there's also definatley a tactical standpoint of trying to get them to stay

That's THE Senju Tobirama, second Hokage, white demon and inventor of a fuck ton of jutsus. And also Izuna, who is much less known here to his (by now used to it in these kinds of world) displeasure

All young and untrained and perfect for grooming into a loyal konoha shinobi, ready to grow into his prime by careful hands who knows exactly what he could become

How much more terrifying could he be, if trained specifically by someone who knows his talents, shown his own research to build off of and given all sorts of modern tools he never had before

And also Izuna is still there and he's so fucking sick of being underestimated rn guys what the fuck he's cool too

Anyways the second Tobirama and Izuna hear "hahaha maybe you should stay a little longer..." they're BOLTING

They've heard that song and dance like 20 times now they know the warning signs and you seem nice but they are NOT risking another 'secret yandere' situation again, goodbye.

Their only saving grace is that respect and sentimentality does win out here in letting them go without too much arguing, no matter how valuable they might be. Got lucky this time around, might not be so lucky the next

Chapter 21: (Dungeon Meshi AU) chimera Madara to Dungeon lord Tobirama // Chimera Obito to magic school dropout Kakashi's Dungeon Lord

Chapter Text

Dungeon Meshi Naruto founders AU

I want either Madara or Izuna as Falin. Thematically I think Izuna would fit best, but I kind of just wanna see chimera Madara more than Izuna. Also like, smthn smthn Madara's falcons smthn smthn bird boy,,,

Very torn between Tobirama being stand in for Marcille or for Thistle. Bc like, dungeon lord Tobirama with his chimera Madara goes so hard

Then again it's not like I have to do a 1 to 1 crossover, so. We can totally just work off of the setting and basic premise of "Oh no one of the party members got got by the dungeon and we have to go back for them" then do our own thing from there

OK SO DUNGEON MESHI AU WERE DOING THIS FR NOW LETS GO

(Note; Ive only watched the anime, so while I have seen a lot of different spoilers for the manga my knowledge plot wise p much ends w season 1)

The party;

Elf Hashirama as healer and plant magic guy

Half elf Tobirama as a heavy hitting mage

Tallman Madara on the physical front as their tank

Tallman Izuna as their secondary physical fighter who plays as a mixed support / dmg depending on the situation and what Madara needs most atm

Touka, undecided on race, similar dmg + support build to Izuna, also dabbles in rogue stuff

Hikaku, also undecided on race, party rogue / jack of all trades and armed with a crossbow

Ok so, Madara gets eaten by a red dragon right as one of the partys magic users (Hashi and Tobi) are using that return spell to go back to the surface

They wake up and Izuna is immediatley like "What the fuck happened to my brother"

Argument ensues! Hashirama and Izuna want to go back for Madara in the very rare case that he may be revivable. Tobirama and Touka thinks he's fucked and they should cut their losses here. Hikaku is somewhere between both parties but his loyalty to Madara wins out and he sides with Hashi and Izuna despite internally agreeing w Tobirama and Touka that it's probably too late.

They go back in and adventures happen!!

The whole time they're going down, Tobirama is grumbling about Madara and how this is doomed and the man is probably dead and blah blah blah. Finally Izuna snaps and yells at him ab why he's even here then, and Tobirama honestly doesn't even know why himself. He just goes dead quiet and has no real response, which satisfies Izuna

Queue internal conflict on Tobirama's part, who largley stops complaining ab their adventure from here on out as he asks himself that same question, then decides to fully commit to the party's goal.

Anyways, continuing on and !!! They find Madara !!! Only oh no he's a pile of fuckin bones!!

Tobirama, again, now fully committed to this shit, is like "I did NOT come this fucking far to turn back now" and breaks out the black magic.

P much everyone is on board with this except maybe Hashirama. Maybe we can have some fun plays with how he's like all about life and nature and ooo leafy elf man or whatever vs Tobirama's blasphemy against life itself necromancy jam

So they bring Madara back with the dragon meet and the power of Tobirama's undying spite, yay !!!

Madara is very confused at all of this, and very out of it. By the time he's started to really come back to himself dinner is over and they're all quietly laying in their bedrolls

I want a quiet confrontation between Madara and Tobirama when everyone's gone to bed. Madara needs some air and finds Tobirama by the seals used to bring him back to life. Madara says that it's not that he's ungrateful, but he is very, very confused at why Tobirama did this. Not only breaking several taboos and laws but doing it for him. Madara didn't even think Tobirama liked him, so why...?

Tobirama scoffs and says not to flatter himself, this was a choice he made for himself, not Madara

They hold very prolonged, silent eye contact surrounded by the blood and bones of the dragon. It's kind of gay.

Izuna appears to break up the staring competition with a well timed "What the fuck are you guys doing" (they'll just have to resume the staring contest later)

They go back to bed fr this time but just like in canon, Madara is woken up by the call of the dungeon master

Enter the mad mage; Mito

Instead of being the brother of the king of the golden kingdom she was instead the wife.

Oh right and the king was a little guy you may know of by the name Ashura. Which brings us a new oh no bc Hashirama is totally that guy's reincarnation and the second Mito lays eyes on him she loses it

But that's not for a little bit. Bc in this first confrontation, Hashirama gets to be conviniently absent till after Mito leaves (and Mito can only recognize him if she sees him in person bc I say so)

So Mito and Tobirama have a super cool mage battle as Izuna tries to shake a non responsive Madara back to himself. Good attempt, doesn't work tho sorry Izuna

Stuff happens, Madara and Mito fuck off, and the party is left back at square 1.

Madaraless :(

So the adventure continues!!

We get Kagami as Izutsumi to be our parties ninja cat boy (Kagami my beloved son,,) which is also extra fun if we wanna play into the parallels of Marcille trying to mom/big sister Izutsumi and Tobirama doing the same to Kagami (Kagami is soaking in the attention he is having a great time rn)

Stuff happens, chimera Madara appears, more adventures happen blah blah blah

Tobirama becomes new dungeon lord and bc I have no idea what goes on from dungeon meshi canon from there I'm just gonna leave that here.

Dungeon lord Tobirama and his pet chimera Madara he's trying to return human tho, that fucks so hard. Even once Madara is human again he still has all those cute feathers like Falin which I think suits him. When he gets all flaily and embaressaed now his feathers can fluff up with his hair too

Anyways, alternative kind of bad end where Izuna was the one who got turned into a chimera and we get definatley not brainwashed guys I promise toxic hashiizumito (Mito is living her best life with her reincarnated Not Kidnapped husband and Not Brainwashed pet chimera)

No way you just did a crossover between my hyperfixation and my current interest

Anyway I'll properly go crazy here (instead of summarize in tags like I usually do)

Chimera Madara is an image I never thought I'd need to see until now

Madara as Falin... Madara with closed eyes all the time and then he opens them and it's big pretty red eyes (🔴_🔴)...

Mito as the mad mage is a twist I didn't expect but I liked it very much ~~(especially the toxic hashiizumito segment)~~

Also, if Ashura is the king, would Indra be any relevant character?

KAGAMI AS IZUTSUMI OMG YES

Cute image to think about

"Madaraless" took me off guard, I laughed a little too much😔

Them big eyes

Art for my founders dungeon meshi au bc I keep thinking ab it

Not super happy w how it turned out but I've decided I don't actually care enough ab how awful Madara's hair might look to not post it

obitoslover asked:

I know you already did a dungeon meshi x naruto au, but think with me

I was listening to the "I'll let the world burn for you" song and, while thinking on kakaobi, I realized that's SO farcille coded

So now I thought "crossover au where kakaobi is farcille", but idk who would be marcille bc, honestly, both would use dark magic to resurrect the other, mr. Hatake "Don't use rinne tensei even if it means not saving many lives" Kakashi and mr. Uchiha "I'll destroy this world and create a dream one to have my loved ones again" Obito

YOURE SO RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK

Mm,, alternate dungeon meshi AU with obkk my beloved,,

I think Marcille Kakashi fits best if we really wanna play off that "star student turned you're worst nightmare" angle, hes my favorite rising star prodigy who tried to run too far and too fast and crashed and burned for it

Also just Chimera Obito, cmon, come on. If nothing else, I am now committed to seeing Uchiha as chimeras, it's fun

Mad Mage Madara and ruler of the golden kingdom Izuna fits alarmingly well actually, both for the roles and like, narratively from multiple angles. Madara going mad bc of his brothers death, him turning Obito into a monster, his general monstrousness coming from a place of love. It works scarily well

Maybe Tobirama can take the role of that Yaad has, cursed to be immortal and lord of the golden country hidden within the dungeon in Izuna's absence. Madara visits him sometimes and insists it'll all be ok once Izuna is back as Tobirama calls him insane to his face

Anyways; back to the party.

So Marcille Kakashi and Falin Obito. Rin has to be on their team for obvious reasons, but I reeeeally wanna see Itachi, Shisui and Tenzo on it too bc I'm such a sucker for Team Ro.

Alternativley tho, if we make Kakashi an elf, what if we have Team Ro kind of take the place of the Canaries, and say Kakashi was once part of it but bc reasons eventually left and did his own thing? ANBU/ROOT -> Canaries pipeline or smthn idk

(I just want to see team ro somewhere around)

Anyways, Kakashi turning to black magic to save Obito, only inadvertedly managing to make him into a monster, both of them effectively dragging eachother down more and more and further and futher in their unwillingness to let eachother go.

I bet it'd do awful things to Kakashi's guilt complexe too, that'd be fun

Doing smthn fun, let Hashirama be a ghost wandering around trying to talk Madara down from his usual bullshit, but confined to the lower floors or else he risks losing himself. Now let him posess Tenzo bc they have similar magic and let it give him a cool plant magic power up, and also let this mean he can now move between floors as long as he stays inside of Tenzo. Maybe he can help guide them through the dungeon

Let Madara see Obito or Itachi for the first time and realize that his family somehow continued to exist outside of the dungeon walls, and let him feel smthn about it. Let him call him turning Obito into a chimera as something like love, something like welcoming him home, and let him try to offer Itachi something similar.

I have a couple other thoughts but Imma hit post on this bc its been sitting in my drafts for too long now, might come back to add more later but idk

How did I not think of both Kakashi and Marcille as prodigy students?? It seems so obvious now that you said it

Amazing how chimera Obito went smoothly narratively speaking, would he still be a red dragon or a crow/tengu-like creature for the originality's sake?

WAIT, Team Ro/Anbu/Root as the Canaries is so clever actually

Would Gai be Senshi in the crew? That's a really important question.

Hashirama could be one of the ghosts that lead the crew to Yaad's/Tobirama's golden country, since it could fit with Tobirama being there and Hashirama wants to help him

Madara trying to bring his family to his side, would Itachi accept it? I mean, if he's also an elf here, you could translate his blind loyalty to Konoha/rules to basically every aspect of his life, including living much more than everyone else; add a bit of Itachi's classic//og naruto personality and we also have arrogance and superiority complex about power, a good Itachi/Madara parallel, as also his fear of losing Sasuke just like Madara lost Izuna

ANYWAY talking about kakaobi guys, I'd love to see their self destructive tendencies go worse and worse

A random thought I got here is "how could we put their shared sharingan into here?" and "resolving Obito being a chimera mixing the dragon's soul to Kakashi as well, so they would share it forever" (it reminded me of Eda and Lilith from toh too)

I kinda wanna see tengu Obito now just bc you pointed it out, like I love the OG Chimera Falin but shit, why not get crazy with it. Also Im just always such a sucker for the Uchiha-Tengu pipeline, its so fun

AND HOW DID I NOT EVEN CONSIDER GAI AS SENSHI THATS SO GOOD?? Gai trying to keep Kakashi well fed in his quest to get Obito back also works so well with the canon narrative of Gai helping pull Kakashi out of his depression slump after his teams implosion and everything that happened after

No ok so I've decided on the party members;

elf mage Kakashi (top of his class rising star who had some sort of huge explosion in the academy that ended w him getting kicked out, possibly for hints of black magic, maybe smthn related to his fathers own fall from grace in the mage community, which resulted in his suicide in this verse)

half-foot healer Rin (which also plays into how both Obito and Kakashi turned her into a sort of young martyr after she died. Let her be infantilized and mad about it, give her narrative urgency)

tallman rogue + poisoner Genma bc I fucking love Genma sorry you guys I cant not have him somewhere around here

Dwarf cook Gai here to bully the party into healthy living !!!

Team Ro as a reflection of the Canaries working either for Danzo as some off island figure of power or for Sarutobi as the island lord,,

Im p sure that the canaries are actually made to work as like some sort of community service for past crimes, right? So maybe Kakashi actually had a stint working with them after getting expelled from magic school.

If Madara comes from the golden country and is surprised to see Obito and Itachi coming from out of it, does that mean that the Uchiha clan are from the golden country? Thats a fun thought to play with actually

The Uchiha now being some small nomadic fragments of a once great clan, scattered throughout the land, knowing they were once great but having lost the history to prove it,,

Itachi being tempted with not just a home for him and Sasuke (maybe working with the canaries also gives him protection for his little brother?) but a family, a clan for them both. He's sooo tempted to say yes but hes also so fucking brainwashed into being a konoha loyalist, and being a Canary is all he knows

If we wanna get extra funky with it, maybe Itachi and Shisui are both in the Canaries bc of some stigma against the Uchiha. Their clan is consiered dark as a whole, born already criminals, automatically enlisted to repent for the crime of their birth. Born evil and all that

Little Sasuke back home excitedly telling Itachi that he can't wait to be a Canary too when he's older as Itachi despairs at the fact that Sasuke doesn't yet understand exactly what that means

Also, Obito being a tallman or like only a quarter elf and that impacting how he's viewed as an Uchiha / how the Uchiha really have spread out far, bc they're supposed to be a clan of elves. Maybe thats also what got him out of being a Canary, he's not a "real" Uchiha.

Final point I promise: Kaguya as the winged lion. A winged moon rabbit, locked away in the depths of the dungeon, far from the moon she belongs to. Also works interesting as a parallel to the winged lion bc golden suns vs silver moons or smthn like that, which also-also plays well into how the lion matches Laois' own gold vibes vs Kaguya now getting to match Kakashi's silver vibes

I just love an aesthetic that works

Ok so from the top, a timeline to summarize;

Kakashi is some super prodigy, just like his dad. Real rising star, everyone wants a piece of this kid. His father gets in some kind of scandal and ends up offing himself from the shame, and left alone Kakashi works four times as hard as before, burning himself out hard and fast but getting nothing but praise for it.

He eventually ends up getting involved in ancient magic, if we want to get extra spicy we can say that maybe his family carries some sort of wolf-chimera curse (dogteeth Kakashi/Hatake clan headcanon noises), and that his research somehow involved that curse.

Only he gets caught for it, expelled, and enlisted in the canaries as penitence. He ends up leading the team of Tenzo, Itachi and Shisui, but gets let go sooner rather than later due to a mix of favoritism, internal politics, etc. Vs. the others who are there pretty much for a life's sentence.

So Kakashi fucks off and forms a party with Rin and Obito (and damn if he isn't surprised to find an Uchiha outside of the canaries. And Obito doesn't even seem to fully understand what his name means, too.) He also finds out that apparently both him and Rin were taught by the same teacher at the magic school, Minato. And despite never actually going to that school, Obito was also taught by him outside of it. Small world, huh?

So they do dungeon adventures, time passes, they pick up Genma for the party bc they need a rogue, and then they go on that one disastrous dungeon dive that ends with Obito eaten.

And that is where the real adventure starts.

YES, THE TENGU-UCHIHA PIPELINE IS SO GOOD

Look I'll be honest, I only considered Gai as Senshi bc they're both hot 😔 but your reasoning sounds amazing so I fit my mind just skipped some steps

Rin as a half-foot made me think of Chilchuck being considered young but he actually has 3 adult daughters, so now I thought Rin having a daughter too (maybe Sakura ig), but YEAH give my girl some agency, she's tired of being put in damsel in distress situations!!!!

GENMA SPOTTED! YES!! Also, since the Canaries' deal is with criminal people, maybe Kakashi met Genma (a rogue) during the period before he entered the Canaries/Root and stayed friends?

Omg the Uchiha plot you made sounds so morbid to me(?), they can't get a break not even in another reality, it fits their dark aura

NOOO poor Sasuke 😭 just like in canon when he wants to be a police, little did he use to know what the police force meant to his clan

Obito being free from his clan's stigma due to him not being a "full Uchiha" becomes kinda ironic when, according to Itachi's novel (not kinda canon, ik, but whatever) through Izumi she was shunned for having a non Uchiha father

KAGUYA AS THE WINGED LION, LET'S GO!!!! It sounds amazing, thank you for including her I need Kaguya content to not starve-

Ohhh that wolf-chimera curse sounds interesting, maybe it could've affected Obito turning into a chimera even (and also plays with the idea I have of Kakashi's resolution to Obito situation be sharing that, like Lilith and Eda of toh)

Do you think Kakashi would feel bad for leaving the Root if he knew the others will be there forever?

I actually thought ab saying Genma joined them via being Kakashi's friend from while he was a Canary !! Im torn bc on one hand it'd be nice and I do want Kakashi to be able to have some form of friend who knew him from before around bc he's so avoiding talking ab his past like it's the fucking plague. But on the other hand I like writing Genma get so surprised by smthn that his senbon just falls out of his mouth bc its very very funny

The Uchiha are doomed to be haunted by their supposed "curse of hatred" and so called demon eyes in every universe oops sorry <3

Kakashi being the best possible person to help figure out how to turn Obito back to normal bc of his own research, but also being uniquely positioned to fully understand the sin he's committed against him rip. I love narrative irony !!

ALSO YESS THEM SHARING THE CURSE COULD BE SO COOL

Wolf and bird cursed boyfriends, they have each other and so they're happy (the nightmares will never leave them)

I refuse to live in a world where Kakashi's guilt complex would ever leave him alone about anything even remotely resembling him abandoning a friend. He feels very bad about it.

I bet he actually even wanted to stay a little bit, if only for his companions, but they bullied him into leaving. Damn he can't escape the "go see/experience the world for us" narrative even when it doesnt come from Obito, poor him

That awkward moment where they run back into him in the dungeon, look at him, look at chimera Obito he's definitely the fault of, and go "so like,,,, I think we have to arrest u now ,,,,"

Kakashi when they told you to come visit them sometimes this is NOT what they meant. This is honestly kind of the OPPOSITE of what they wanted.

They're coming to the island like Oh hey I hope we'll get to see the captain while we're here :)

Well you got what you wanted !! Congrats !!

I vote for the latter option, sounds funnier

The Uchiha being doomed no matter what reality ♡

Would someone far in the past be the main reason for the "curse of hatred" thing here?

The nightmares are just a side effect, they can deal with it and be happy furries ♡♡

Good to know he feels bad, as he should(N'T)

"Guys, I can stay longer... Technically I should stay longe-"

"No, fuck off, we're trapped, not you, get a life dude"

"But-"

"Get yo ass outta here before I give myself another crime to be trapped here"

"😔"

They'd be disappointed bc Kakashi didn't change a bit, he got worse actually, his gay awakening did a lot of damage to him

Your gay awakening made you destroy your computer with viruses downloaded from suspicious websites, Kakashi's gay awakening made him break several international laws and cultural taboos, turn a man into a bird monster, murder multiple bystanders, unleash some ancient evil moon rabbit, rediscover a buried kingdom and solve a mystery of a generations old curse, and ended with him putting his boyfriend on the throne of the golden kingdom.

Goals, I guess

Chapter 22: madara bumps into tbrm at a festival as a kid and gets a crush without realizing who it is

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Silly oneshot where kid Madara attends some festival in the capital and bumps into some white haired kid in a mask (wowww I wonder who it could beee) and they spend the festival together doing silly festival things and being cute, holding hands as they weave through the crowds and doing that one little goldfish game (Madara wins Tobirama a fish and he looks away for like 2 seconds and when he looks back it's implied Tobirama just fuckin swallowed it whole (*half hatake headcanon noises*)) and watching the fireworks n stuff

And the mystery masked kid was totally his first crush and at the end Madara manages to pull a promise to see the fireworks again at some future festival from him. But they never see eachother again oh nooo who could have forseen thisss

The fic then flashes forward to him being older theyre planning Konoha's first festival. Izuna brings up his silly festival boy crush, which Tobirama overhears and gets a really weird look on his face about before power walking away.

Then the festival happens and Madara is in some corner looking out at the crowd, feeling nostalgic. And then through the crowd there's a flash of white and he sees a masked man looking at him. The same mask from before, complete with some distinctive scratch or marking that makes it easy to tell it's really his guy. And then they get to spend the festival together again, and it ends with them sharing a kiss under the fireworks bc I say so

(Might actually write this one tbh I'm very tempted)

I think he grew out of it, he recognizes it could be considered impolite and he moved on to just eating lots of sashimi like a civilized person

I also think he'd do it again with a straight face just to fuck with Madara (no one will ever believe him)

Chapter 23: (madoka magica crossover) Magical girl Kakashi !!!

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#i LOVE just going “whats a stupid crossover idea and how can I take it way too seriously” #its so much fun

Sat down and was like "What's the dumbest, most out of pocket crossover I can think of with Naruto." Then remembered that one guy who just went "Madoka magica" under my TMA crossover post and started giggling

So yeah, @thr33dogsinatrenchcoat this one goes out to you, I hope ur happy

So my first thought was just Homura in Naruto, but then my brain said no. Kyubey in Naruto. And then I really lost it

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you,

✨️ magical girl Kakashi ✨️

Major Spoilers for Madoka Magica below the cut

(Funilly enough, this has been in my drafts for a while now, well before I started getting really into my m agical girl izuna AU)

A quick explanation for those of you here for Kakashi content who have no clue what Madoka Magica is;

Kyubey is a pink immortal rat thing from space who offers specifically pre-teen girls contracts to become magical girls. The girl will be granted a wish as their payment for the contract, then have to fight monsters known as Witches.

How big the wish that they can have granted (wishing for a cake vs wishing to revive the dead for example) depends on their potential as a magical girl. The girls magical girl theme and power will revolve around whatever wish they made— ask for someone to be healed and you may be able to heal faster, ask for happiness and maybe you get to be an empath, etc. As long as you can somehow connect the power to their wish, anything is fair game.

It's later revealed that a) the "soul gem" every magical girl is given when they become a magical girl is literally their soul in physical form. Kyubey just straight up removed their soul from their body and put it in a ROCK. Yes this does mean you can torture a magical girl via her soul gem, and yes if the soul gem gets too far from the girl she will collapse like a puppet who's strings were cut.

And b) witches are actually magical girls who fall victim to negative emotions and have their soul gems consumed by darkness either because they were swallowed by grief or from using too much magic without being able to clean their soul gem (which they can only do by killing witches)

Kyubey does all this because magical girls specifically within the age range of a middle schooler, give off a specific kind of energy when they transform into the witches that Kyubey's race farms for reasons I don't really remember anymore but I'm pretty sure has to do with it being mandatory for their race to live? Dunno it's been years since I watched madoka

Ok context over now for the fun part:

Something about the way humans are made in this world means Kyubey is not restricted to prepubescent girls in offering contracts. It's probably related to their chakra coils or something; Which also translates interestingly into how your amount of chakra and your chakra control affects your power as a magical girl.

Both of which Kakashi has in the bag.

I've read a few different takes about how Kakashi's chakra reserves are actually really big, he's just always running dangerously low bc of the constant drain of the sharingan. (I think this was actually confirmed in one of the novels? Which is neat) And since the overall 'potential' of his maximum chakra reserves is what wins out when it comes to the magical girl contract, he's our ideal customer.

Now, for this set up we aren't going to be using the "Kyubey and the magical girl system have just been around for a long while" but instead we're going with the "kyubey is new to this world and, seeing all of this potential energy, is looking to take a few of these bad boys on a test drive to see how well they work."

(Though there's a very interesting fic there with the angle of kyubey as maybe the equivalent of a 10th secret biiju, maybe locked away somewhere, and maybe released by forming a contract with someone— His junchuriki perhaps?)

This brings up an interesting question! A world where theyre havent been any magical girls yet made means that its a world without witches. And in a world without witches, what is Kyubey's explanation for why he needs magical girls when asked?

In the show we are shown that if pressed and asked the right questions, Kyubey will often tell the truth of the matter — that eventually a magical girl will self destruct and Kyubey farms the energy they release when they turn into a witch.

I can't see any shinobi worth their salt just accepting a suspicious contract for even more suspicious power from an impossibly MORE suspicious little magic rat thing. Kakashi especially. Questions WILL be asked and I do think it wouldn't actually be that hard to get Kyubey to give up the truth. Honestly, knowing the things personality and how it likes to take the logical approach, he might see that just telling the truth may actually help convince some people.

Because yeah, horrible fate aside, it's a lot easier to buy into promises of power when you know exactly what the catch will eventually be, and when it'll probably start kicking in.

There's a lot of people in Naruto who would can and have traded a LOT more than just their soul for power and a free wish. I can see people taking Kyubeys deal as is, Kakashi included under the right circumstances.

And besides that, there are plenty of times when the situation is last minute and intense to have the time to ask questions. Kyubey appearing in some life or death battle offering a miracle would probably be able to get a "fuck it what's the worst that can happen" from pretty much anyone

Anyways there are a few different paths we can take with the how's and why's Kakashi becomes a magical girl, and it largley depends on when exactly Kyubey approaches him about it.

1; Minato Route

Wishes for Minato and everyone to please just stay safe during "Madara's" attack, saving them and trading his soul for it in the process. He has no regrets tho, he refuses to.

This path I think would be fun if Kyubey shows up for the first time super last minute and Kakashi is pressed into a rushed contract and rushed wish. But I can also see if maybe he'd been approached by Kyubey beforehand, it's just that he was trying to sort out whether he trusted the rat enough to make a deal and sort out the exact wording of his wish. But oops no more time for that Kyubey please just keep his family safe!

It'd be fun if that was his exact wording actually. "I wish to keep my family safe"

Maybe it'd mean that even in the future, if he finds someone he considers to be his family, the wish will grow and apply to them? And then ""safe"" is such an abstract concept, especially to shinobi. What does it mean to be safe? Maybe it can end up backfiring in some way eventually, idk

^ Like he considers obito family, so maybe Obito is out there reaping the benefits of this wish as he tears shit up bc Kakashi never considered his wish could protect someone who might wish him harm.

This'd also mean Minato and Kushina are around!!! That'd impact a fuck ton of stuff for sure. I feel like without them dissapearing as his final push off the edge, Kakashi for sure wouldn't be the same guy we see in canon. He at least has some form of safety net to catch him, even if he's deep in depression and might not realize that net is there.

2; Obito Route

After either Kanabi bridge or Rin's death, Kakashi is approached by Kyubey, reads the terms and conditions of the contract, and then wishes for Obito and or Rin to come back to life. This, specifically with Obito, I see going one of two ways;

Kyubey, a bastard, who somehow magically knows Obito is alive: "Are you sure this is what you want to use your wish for?"

Kakashi: "fuck you yes I am"

Kyubey: "I mean if you say so lmao" (Less work for me)

Or,

Kyubey, somehow magically knowing Obito is alive and not wanting to have Kakashi waste this wish because say what you will, he's fair about this shit (to a degree anyways): "Unfortunatley I can't revive people who never died!"

Kakashi: "What."

*queue Kakashi going on a mission to find Obito and becoming a sparkly magical girl along the way wooo we love to see it*

3; The great dilemma, aka TIME TRAVEL !!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry you guys time travel is like 90% of what I do and I don't think it's gonna change any time soon

So, Kakashi is approached by Kyubey after the Uchiha massacre. At this point he has a whole fucking list of people he might want to try to revive or save, but he can only make a wish so big. He has enough power to wish one or two people back from the dead— an honestly incredibly feat in itself —but not everyone.

He failed Itachi, leading to the deaths of the entire Uchiha clan.

He failed his team, leading to their deaths and Naruto's sad orphan life.

He failed countless mission partners over the years, watching shinobi's fall dead left and right because of a wrong call or knife thrown a second too late

He can't wish them all back. But he can wish for a second chance.

And yeah ok as I'm writing this I'm realizing we've turned right back around and started a fr Madoka magica AU I didn't mean to do that actually, oops.

But yeah time travel magical girl Kakashi !!! Given the time to really think about his wish and too many people to save, he wishes for a second chance.

Does he end up in his kid body or does he stay an 18 year old?

Is he alone or does Kyubey (having learned his mistake from Homura and Madoka) make sure to come along with?

Does his sharingan somehow pull Obito back with him or is he really alone?

Fuck ok actually as I write this one I think this might be The One, The AU, so we're gonna shelve this for another post on its own so we can keep just talking ab the set up.

Now for his relationship with Kyubey—

So disclaimer, I haven't actually watched Madoka in forever, but I think it's safe to say that Kyubey is honestly pretty decent when it comes to guiding his magical girls? I mean, up until they fall off a cliff of despair and turn into monsters, but till then he holds up his end of the contract really well? He'll generally come when they call, answer their questions when asked, check in on them to make sure they're adapting to the lifestyle, sometimes even help keep them informed about local magical girls or witches or just give out free advice.

Don't get me wrong, Kyubey is a fucking rat and not to be trusted, he tricks little girls into literally selling their souls, but he has a clear work ethic and method. He's just also incapable of feeling human emotion and seems genuinely confused at why people would be alarmed or upset at, you know, everything.

But I think that's what would make him work so well in a shinobi world! Especially if he looks at the world and it's people and decides that upfront honesty would be the best play in recruiting someone as his magical girl test drive.

I think it could be interesting if Kakashi and Kyubey could have an actually somewhat positive relationship. Well, as positive as it can get for a traumatized ninja boy and a space rat with no real concept of human emotions outside of what it's read in a textbook about manipulating little girls.

They have an alarmingly functional workplace relationship. Kakashi signed a contract knowing what kind of death it'd probably lead him to (and it's not like it's that different from the end he already knows he'll face one day) and Kyubey is contractually bound to stick around and lend a helping hand and a bit of companionship when applicable.

Also, with Kakashi being his first magical girl test run in this world, he's just kind of monitoring the project? He wants to see it to the end before he gets started on widespread magical girl contracts, because again, logical emotionless little rat thing who knows better than to assume that since it's gone well so far it'll end well too. He wants to collect ALL the data before settling in for good.

Kyubey is giving Kakashi weirdly reaffirming (and much needed) positive reinforcement in all of this. He's impressed with how well the project is going! Kakashi is going through so much constant misery that despite somehow not turning into a witch out of despair, he's still giving a near constant output of that same energy Kyubey farms that usually only comes out when a magical girl witches out. Maybe that's also actually something related to the chakra coils— instead of giving one big explosion of energy when they turn into a witch, the people of this world are able to give a continuous stream of it just by existing and being miserable. Which also gives Kyubey even more of a reason to want to see Kakashi keep living! This guy is a one man army when it comes to energy! It's great!

Also it'd be kind of fucked up but in a funny way if Kyubey straight up told Kakashi this (Maybe Kakashi actually asks to be kept up to date on all of Kyubey's little project notes of studying him?) And it being somewhat of a comfort to him. Like. Yeah, he's a failure cursed to always have those he loves die in his arms or at his hands, but at least his suffering is helping the universe in some way! That's something, right? Right???

Anyways, power and appearence time

So like, obviously there's a VERY large chance that Kakashi would end up with some sort of healing power as a magical girl. Because yknow, there is basically no universe where Kakashi doesn't use his wish to either heal someone, protect someone, or bring someone back from the dead— which lines up pretty directly to a healing based power.

But just normal healing is too boring so lets get spicy with it! Let's lay out some power options!

1) Blood healing

So my favorite twist on a normal healing power is a simple one; He regenerates stupid fast, to the point that he can even reattach limbs, but it's all in his blood. As long as his blood is touching a wound, it's healed in seconds to minutes.

This is also means his blood can also be used to heal others! For good or for bad. Fights can get a lot more complicated when your enemy realizes that they can use your own healing methods on them— even if the blood does only work on what it can touch, so they gotta risk shoving that shit in there if the wound is too deep.

If you want an extra bit of spice on top of that also, you can say the blood doesn't just heal people. Maybe it can heal any living thing— plants included

(I'm ngl I typed all this out then kind of squinted at my screen and went wait isn't this what Karin does? I don't actually know the details of her powers no one tell me if I'm right, I don't actually care)

2) Wound substitution

Here's an incredibly in character ability; He can take on the wounds of his comrades. They get hurt but he takes the hit. It'd so fit his self sacrificing ass too.

Maybe he can have advanced healing from the wounds he steals from his companions, maybe he only inherits them by halves, maybe it's the full deal.

Maybe it's involuntary or maybe he can only do it on purpose. Involuntary could be interesting and offer serious consequences down the line.

3) Sheilds but make them zappy

Thunder shields could be interesting. Maybe he can use the shields to encase his limbs to deliver an extra oomf or smthn, just for funzies.

4) Something to do with eyes

You know I gotta at least consider smthn with eyes, like cmon. Whether it's because his wish was phrased in a way that could catch on it, or it's just how the magic interacted with his sharingan, I wanna see some eye stuff!!!

Maybe whatever healing ability he has is all centered in the eye or smthn, or maybe if it's like a self healing ability he regenerates eyes first or smthn idk.

4) Time powers ✨️

You know I had to.

In the route where he wishes for a second chance he so gets time powers. It's very cool. It's also very very fucking OP so it'd be tricky to work around in giving him a fr obstacle. Maybe if Obito comes back with him, the sharingan somehow makes him immune? Like, whenever Kakashi stops time, Obito isn't stopped.

I'm ngl Im running low on power ideas rn so let's move on, but like leave that open ended

I'd love to see a dog themed magical girl Kakashi I think it would cure all of my mental illnesses and give me like 30 more.

Would Kakashi's magical girl outfit be something that adapts to his style and is created by his subconscious desires, as I'm pretty sure is accurate according to Madoka Magica lore? Yes. But do I think it would be funny to put him in a fluffy magical girl skirt? Even bigger yes, put that man in a dress and heels immediatley.

For Kakashi's soul gem, I think it'd be really fun if instead of taking the form of a ring, it was instead either an earring or— hear me out guys, lip ring or tongue piercing

It's perfect! He already hides his face, no one would even know it was there! Also both lip rings and tongue piercings are so cute

His soul gem is red with a silver case and we all know why. When he transforms it doesn't glow red tho, it glows white because something something hatake white chakra or something, idk

Anyways this has been sitting in my drafts for like 2 weeks now, so I'm gonna go ahead and hit post even tho I'm not totally satisfied with what I have here. Better to put it out for the few who'd enjoy it than keep it in the trunk bc I'm unsatisfied, right? Maybe I'll come back to it later, idk.

Chapter 24: Romance sim no Jutsu (or, Tobirama's personal hell)

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New incredibly stupid fic idea just dropped,

✨️ Romance Sim no Jutsu ✨️

Where Tobirama gets hit by some jutsu that at first seems to do nothing, but when he wakes up the next day he's able to see peoples heart meters and the kind of love they have for him (platonic/romantic/familial/etc.)

He gets fucking dialogue options for each interaction, but the dialogue is like the kind youd see in a really shitty otome game, complete with stammers and blushed and all and he spends part of the fic just VIOLENTLY ignoring the offered dialogue trees, like, he is NOT going to say that, get the fuck away from him

Tobirama power walking through the streets of Konoha as a system screen only he can see floats directly behind him trying to peer pressure him into acting like the MC of an otome game (he will destroy this thing if it's the last thing he does)

He gets in a fight with Madara and when he punches him in the face, his heart meter visibly rises and Tobirama has to have a crisis about it. He immediatley begins to go out of his way to not provoke or argue Madara at risk of feeding into whatever the fuck that was. This only serves to make things worse somehow

The sim system seems to have designated a lot of Uchiha as "viable love interests" and he keeps getting into stupid stereotyoical event scenarios with them, but like, he's Senju Tobirama, actual ninja who can teleport and do other ninja things. He can escape most of these shitty situations with his eyes closed.

(getting locked in a closet with Izuna, just teleports out. Falls into a conviniently placed river and needs to be saved— uhh yeah, river, water, Tobirama, he's fine. Etc.)

The system is threatening him to play along and Tobirama is telling it to find someone else to bother, but it CANT until it sees him to some sort of "satisfactory" romance end, which he refuses to do on principle so now they're both losing

Chapter 25: Obkk idol/actor AU

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Yeah ok obkk idol/actor au time

Ok so, Hatake Sakumo being a super famous actor before his suicide.

And then his kid, real name redacted for privacy reasons, stage name Inu, was a huge child star turned idol, now idol/actor contracted under Konoha Co., a big media company. He had a pretty shady contract, his life wasn't too bad with it (his money is his, he has some control over the projects he works on, etc.) But he legally can not stop being an entertainer for Konoha till he's like fucking 60 or they choose to drop him (which will not happen)

Obito and Kakashi were childhood friends but now grown up, Obito can't remember Kakashi's name and Kakashi can't recognize Obito's face bc of the scars + time passed. So neither of them are immediatley aware of it when they meet again

So one day Obito is out in a park somewhere when he bumps into some guy in a medical mask furiously practicing some script. The guy— Kakashi, seems really unsatisfied with it, and is growing more and more frustrated as he practices.

Obito is a community theater guy, mostly does tech work but always wanted to be on stage. But his scars prevented him from getting roles when he applied, so he eventually gave up and just turned to full backstage work.

He sees Kakashi struggling and offers to help, and they just have really good chemistry with eachther acting wise. Obito does an amazing job, and playing off of him Kakashi suddenly can get super into character and just has an overall good time.

Kakashi asks if he's an actor, Obito explains ab the scars, and Kakashi hmmmmm's. He asks if Obito would like to get a role, and Obito is super flattered but like, cmon, look at him, no way anyone would go for him

Kakashi demands his number, Obito gives it to him, and a week later Obito is getting a call from one of the biggest up and coming directors (Rin !!!) About Kakashi having recommended him for a role in her new film.

Obito is in shock but accepts, stuff happens, and Obito and Kakashi once again meet, but this time on a real stage ✨️

Will they remember eachother as their childhood friends? Will Obito help Kakashi regain his love of acting past what his contract forces him to do? Will they inevitably make out and become super big actors together?

Yeah probably idk I'm not gonna write it tho

Chapter 26: Half Hatake Hashirama not being "Hatake enough" like Tobirama is

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Half Hatake Tobirama where he took after his mother really strongly instead of his father, while Hashirama took after their father and not their mother.

Ok but now give Hashirama imposter syndrome about it.

He's technically Hatake too, but not "enough" to be recognized by the clan while for some reason his brother is

He's wild like the trees, not the wolves, and they can smell it on him

He's not one of them, even if he does have the same amount of their blood in his veins as Tobirama, and no matter how badly he might want to be </3

Hashirama living vicariously through Tobirama's stories of visiting the clan, and Tobirama is going out of his way to ask questions and do things while there he knows his brother will like hearing about

Idk I just think there's potential there. A lot of half hatake Tobirama fics will directly mention that they're full blooded siblings but then not go into how Hashirama might feel ab Tobirama's closeness to the Hatake while he's apparently either not afforded that same closeness or had never tried to reach for it

Which ofc is a valid take and makes things easier writing wise but like !!! I wanna see him have thoughts about it !!!

The Hatake join the village and Hashirama got weirdly emotional about it (bc this might finally mean he can interact with his mother's clan) and no one can really understand why, except Tobirama who's kind of the reverse of him with being too Hatake for most Senju. But even then it's not the same

Play with it some more, say he did inherit some traits and habits from the wolf clan, just not enough for them to really recognize him. But enough for some of the Senju also kind of side eye him sometimes.

He's too Hatake for the Senju but too Senju for the Hatake.

He has to mask any Hatake traits he has to make people more comfortable when around others, but then doesn't know how or what to try and exaggerate to get the Hatake's approval

Picturing like, when the boys were young and there mother was still alive. And their aunt, the Hatake clan head and their mother's sister, coming to visit.

And she spends time with both Hashirama and Tobirama, then when leaving tells the boys that Tobirama is welcome to visit the clan lands once he's of age

And Hashirama kind of pipes up and asks if he can come too and she just sort of pats him on the head and says something about not thinking it was really "for him"

And later that night Hashirama approaches their mother and asks why he couldn't visit either, and why their aunt seemed to like Tobirama so much more than him.

And his mom has to struggle with how to say "The Hatake are a very private and protective clan, and you aren't not Hatake enough for her to let you into her home" in a way her like 9 year old son can understand while still being nice about it (she tries her best but years later and that one conversation is still one of Hashirama's strongest and saddest memories of his mother. He has a lot of conflicting thoughts about it)

But yeah !! Give him cultural imposter syndrome and jealousy of not being enough to count as one of them

#im kind of staring at this post like #“hmmmmmmm I think this turned into more of an allagory for autism #and about being only a bit on the spectrum feeling like you dont really 'count' because you arent autistic “enough”“ #than I meant it to be #oops!!! #oh well they say to write what u know right #i love cultural and neurodivergent imposter syndrome and have no strong feelings about it at all 👍

This exactly !!!

Like, I'm totally into the take of Tobirama being born very Hatake, and Hashirama being born very, very Senju. And it's pretty much the baseline for every half-Hatake Tobirama fic there is, but there's just so much potential there with that concept alone

How does Hashi feel about having a wolf for a little brother? How does he feel about Tobirama being the favorite of their mother because of their similarities? Did he ever try to copy some of Tobirama's wolfish habits when they were younger? Did he ever try to understand them, to listen as Tobirama tried to explain certain tics or urges, to explain how some textures or smells can hurt because of his overly sensitive skin and nose? And then maybe go on to insist he didn't like those smells or textures either, in an attempt to relate to him?

And then he might not even notice the few habits he might have inherited from his mother. Because Tobirama had them too, and if Tobirama was his standard for normalcy and he noticed him having those same habits, why would he assume it was a Hatake thing specifically?

<- (speaking as a neurodivergent person who spent a very long time thinking I was the picture of normality just bc me and my sister are programed near identically when it comes to specific ways of thinking, so I assumed it was normal bc she clearly did and thought the same things)

Hashirama undoubtedly loves his brother very, very much. But like, he'd probably be a little jealous there let's be real. Of their mother's attention, of the Hatake's acceptance, of Tobirama being some sort of perceived "different" that he "just wouldn't understand."

But also like, him sometimes seeing the way that being so Hatake set Tobirama appart with the Senju tho, and then feel guilty for wishing he was more like him. It's clearly causing Tobirama pain, making him isolated socially, if he really was more like him he'd probably face that same othering. So it's kind of fucked up for him to want that actually!

But just like. The issue being a lot more complicated than just "I wish I could be more like you" bc being more like him wouldn't necessarily be a 100% good thing? It's not easy being him!

Hashirama one of the only people in the clan who can sort of get it, who Tobirama can be weird around and (using this as some sort of allegory for autism again lmao) fully unmask and just exist comfortably as who he is. But even then it's mostly theoretical— he gets it, but he doesn't get it

Touka is also there somewhere giving her support for the both of them in the bg (I love her)

Chapter 27: Kakashi/Genma ask

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Anonymous asked:

hello dear author may i get ur opinion on genma. perhaps even genma/kakashi. perhaps. mayhaps. i just think they r neat and if u put them together that's double the neatness.

@oh-no-its-bird answered:

I love Genma so much actually, I think he's one of my favorite supporting characters to see in fics. Whenever I need a character to fill the roll of "random shinobi" I tend to default to him bc of biases (also his senbon is cool!! I love characters w a gimmick of just having like a toothpick in their mouth, and he has that but w a lethal presumably poisoned needle!! Love that for him)

I don't know how much canon actually provides for him character wise (never actually interacted with canon media lmao, I'm all fanfic) but I feel like there's honestly a lot of wiggle room with him

One of my personal favorite takes that (if I remember right) stems from a couple of @ blackkatmagic's fics is that he comes from a very small clan, distantly related to Orochimaru's own super small clan, the Orochi. Similar to how the Hyuuga and Uchiha are related

I lovee the mamma bear hc with him, I also love seeing him and Kakashi be any kind of friends. Currently I think one of my favorite takes on his and Kakashi's dynamic can be found in @vodkassassin's fic, Ear to the Wall.

Gemna only really shows up for a little bit, but the scenes he did get left a really big impact on me and how I see him (also the fic itself is amazing and is a very large inspiration for Orochimaru's involvement in Chasing Shadows, 10/10 read I HIGHLY recommend it, its a time travel fic but honestly even if time travel isnt your thing I'd still reccomend it bc its just one of those fics that fucks so hard you don't even care ab how you got here to start)

(<- spoken as someone obsessed with time travel fics)

Anyways, Genma/Kakashi!!

Actually thinking about it, I don't think I've seen any real fics about that pairing? I've run into it a few times as a past ship, like they hooked up once or twice or were fwb before the main pair gets together. But never one where they're the focus. That's tragic and needs to change immediatley

I love the idea of Genma being part of Kakashi's class when he graduated stupid young, never really interacting w him but like, existing. He wasn't Gai when it came to trying to hang out and around Kakashi, but he was certainly around.

No idea what he is in canon but I like to hc him as an information / infiltration specialist. So along with being around, he was also the kind of kid to really notice and keep tabs on stuff. (Konoha gossip king Gemna is THE hc to have sorry but I love it sm)

He didn't really approach Kakashi outside of any sort of casual nods or polite "hey"'s till after his whole team imploded.

I can kind of see him interacting with Kakashi in that in-between time where he was ANBU under Minato. But he was still mostly a very observant spectator, no real interaction

So then Minato dies and Kakashi goes off the deep end REAL hard, and Genma finally steps in. Maybe he joins Gai in trying to forcefully pry Kakashi out of his death spiral, maybe he approaches on his own, maybe he notices smthn or bumps into Kakashi alone while he's having a panic attack or smthn and there's a specific moment for that "final straw" where he finally decides to step in

Dunno!

But anyways that's when they start to get to be friends fr

I think Genma would be interesting and good for Kakashi at that point, bc he isn't a stranger, he knows what happened, he can make a lot of very good guesses at Kakashi's triggers and traumas and know what to avoid talking ab. But he's not Gai, who was sort of in the middle of it for a good portion of the drama, having a front row seat to it all. Which also comes with it's own emotional baggage.

Genma is a good middle ground, if that makes sense?

Also I think his calmer carefree energy would be good for Kakashi, especially at that point

They're pretty cute together!! If nothing else they make for very compelling friends when you really sit down to think ab it, and I can for sure get behind them as a real ship

Suddenly I need to go looking for fics with them as a pairing, I might come back and actually write something for them as a ship later

What's their ship name btw? I honestly don't know

@owldork1998

If I remember correctly Genma was also part of Minato's homage guard? And could perform the flying thunder God (granted with the help of like 2 other people). I think Kat (of blackkatmagic fame) has atleast one Kakashi/Genma fic!

@oh-no-its-bird 🔁

#reblogging for safe keeping #i totally forgot ab him being part of minatos guard #straight up did NOT know ab him knowing how to use the thunder god technique wtf thats so cool #i need to do smthn with that IMMEDIATLEY

Anonymous asked:

Hiiii~ I saw your ask about Kakashi/Genma (for which I believe the ship name is kakagen?? Or at least that's what I've seen used most often...) and please go check out the tag on ao3!! There's been quite a few new fics with them as the focus recently, so I'm sure you'll find some that you like! (I used to check the tag obsessively, but I haven't had the time to read the newest additions, so it would be amazing if u could share any gems you might find for those of us also deep in kkgn hell <33)

@oh-no-its-bird answered:

Im totally gonna check it out now, the more I think ab them as a ship the more I can get behind it

Pulling the ship up on ao3, theres both more and less fics for them than Id expect (139) but thats totally a number I can get through in like a day or two

No one talk to be today, I suddenly have a mission to complete

(Also thank u for the ship name)

Anonymous asked:

hello! if you like time travel fics and are still interested in kakashi/genma ones, there's a fic that i really like on ao3 titled When The Small Hand Turns (it's not finished, but still very worth it imo!)

(well, that's my unsolicited rec of the day, and i wish you all the best!)

@oh-no-its-bird answered:

YOU HAD ME AT TIME TRAVEL

Looking it up and it IMMEDIATLEY has my attention actually, I can tell Im gonna like this one. Thank you for your recommendation!

Chapter 28: tobiizu Deathnote AU + Misa dimension traveling into naruto

Chapter Text

obitoslover asked:

Tobiizu as Lawlight (except both died at the same time bc spicy rivalry death)

Im actually incredibly mad at you for sending me this ask bc it has to be THE best premise literally ever but I dont know how to work with it bc Death Note is such a messy, overcomplicated, truly deranged everything, that I dont even know where to START with it

Both of them would make for pretty good Kira's honestly, but also just as good in L's position. I cant choose!!

Izuna L and Tobirama Light plays into the Uchiha -> police pipeline, plus Tobirama's pretty canon accurate characterization of believing he knows best when it comes to the safety of ~~konoha~~ the world

Izuna as Light and Tobirama as L plays into Tobirama getting to be a smart boy detective and Izuna's own "trust me I know whats best (indiscriminate murder)" Plus it still gets the Uchiha -> police bit bc Madara can take the place of Light's cop dad.

Also I personally see Izuna as a very charming guy and Tobirama more socially awkward, so that could match up well too

but also also it's that social unawarness that could make Tobirama such a good Light, seeming normal and charming on the surface but then just clueless ab what the fuck is normal the second you spend more than a minute eyeing him

Mmmmm. Im gonna have to say Izuna for Light and Tobirama for L just bc theres no universe where Izuna doesnt have a carefully kept hair routine and that makes him a better Light than an L

Light Izuna as that one scene tho

Who tf is Misa in this I honestly cant think of anyone

Im ngl, Lawlight Tobiizu is compelling as hell, but the thought of Light Tobirama and Misa Izuna is the funniest thing ever actually. They still dont really get along tho to be clear, but like, death note power frenemies/haters with benifits/"at this point if one of us goes down the other probably will too so were in it together now ig"

They still pretend theyre dating as like an alibi but the detectives look away and they're at eachothers throats again

Also their shinagami are actually just their brothers

PLUS MISA HAS THE SHINIGAMI EYES OOO IM ACTUALLY SO SMART ONE SEC I NEED TO DRAW THIS

Naruto/Death Note crossover but it's just me zapping Misa into Naruto w the dimension travel beams (and also I stopped reading Death Note after L died bc I got bored)

Deranged hot goth girl fucks with ninjas more at 11

Ok but taking it seriously:

Her Shinigami eyes could actually cause SO many issues for ninja in general. No disguise ever works on her bc she can see your name !! You can not go undercover with this bitch around she'll catch you near instantly!!

Also her being able to see peoples lifespans would fuck so hard there too, what a party trick to pull. I want her to push someone to do some insane shit while going "nah don't worry you won't die for another few months at least so you'll be fine!! :)"

I don't think she came w the death note itself just bc I don't think Misa could prevent someone from taking it from her and it's way too OP to deal with the logistics of what having it just out there in the world would actually mean. Pretty much any naruto character gets it and the story ends in like 3 minutes flat

I know that there are shinigami in Naruto canon, tho I'm not too familiar w the specifics.

Either way, it could be cool if we really got into Misa's relation to them— she can see them with her eyes already, maybe she can sense them too. She's like being drawn to different artifacts and prisons of shinigami, she can sense them from far away and they call to her ooOOoOoo

She ends up freeing that one specific shinigami from the mask or whatevers going on w that. And since she already has the eyes from Rem, instead of going "oh, thanks lmao *kills you*" when freed, they recognize that shes already been claimed by a shinigami and are like "Oh shit, nice contract blondie." and she has an actual opening to talk to them (and maybe get another funky death god contract along the way)

Misa continues to show she has unstoppable, unbeatable shinigami rizz even into the next dimension. They all want her.

(If nothing else, naruto world has PROVEN that if u roll high enough on a charisma stat, you can convince anyone of literally anything, no matter if it was like the driving force of their entire life since they were 5 or whatever. So why shouldn't Misa get to talk shinigami into liking her just by being violently friendly?? No really, why not??)

Shes collecting death contracts like Pokémon cards, causing actual fucking havoc everywhere she goes via unleashing ancient evils for deals for some of their power (thanks Misa!!)

She doesn't know how to fucking fight tho, she's a 2000's goth girl in chunky heels. She's getting by on her insanely high charisma stats, good luck, and the giant shinigami only she can see standing directly behind her with a giant baseball bat waiting for someone to get close enough to hit

Could be cool if her shinigami eyes let her see yokai in general too, and just say there weren't enough back in modern Japan to notice. But there's TONS around now and Misa is making little kissy faces at them trying to be friends

Her eyes keep her safe by marking her as already claimed by a shinigami, also making most yokai reguard her as one of them. That could also maybe be used to get her places she shouldn't be in / have weaknesses a normal guy doesn't

Like, seals designed for yokai work on her too

Her eyes need to be mistaken for sharingan at LEAST once and it must cause as many problems as possible.

It'd be neat if Rem was there too. Maybe Misa collecting all this power from different shinigami is actually in some quest to bring Rem back, via giving her that power she got from the other shinigami. She's like roaming the land in an effort to get as much power as possible to make Rem a new body or smthn.

The rules of how shinigami exist and are allowed to interact with the mortal plane is different than the rules where Misa is from, so there's like tons of wiggle room for creativity n "woahh I didn't know you could do that!!"

Misa herself is such a go with the flow morally grey gal w a very clear potential and allowance for absoloute insanity— I think she'd be super down with joining whoever just happens to be the first person she meets in Naruto world. Like. She bumps into the Akatsuki first? You KNOW she's gonna join in. She happens to land near Konoha first? Hell yeah she's loving the funky ninja village! Military dictatorship? Fine by her!

Shes so undying loyal, no matter how clearly wrong or deranged the object of her affection is. So whoever earns that affection first is gonna keep it p much the whole way through (honestly this world is just lucky she's still hung up on Light, which is why she still has sommee agency here)

I think the most interesting thing to do w her + what parallels her story best would be joining Akatsuki actually. Cmon, a terrorist organization "dedicated to peace" (through murder) she's so there for it, she's asking to pretty please help bc "Light would probably like it <33"

Also the Akatsuki cloak is like the only naruto outfit I can see her really rocking while keeping her signature style. ALSO also, Akatsuki nailpolish code,,,,

@obitoslover

Due to @oh-no-its-bird's Death Note x Naruto crossover post, I drew a sketch Misa Amane with a shinobi undercover

"Why such a big necklace?" Hidan has one, with a larger string iirc, so who really cares about pure practical use? Not even Tobirama cares enough with his fur- ohhh. Maybe I should've drawn Misa with a stylish fur collar......

Too late, already did that as fast as possible ~~maybe thousands years later I draw something about that~~

"High heels?!" If Sarada and Sumire can do it, so my pretty girl can. She should use more flamboyant things actually, as a treat

@oh-no-its-bird 🔁

SHES SO FUCKING PRETTY OHH IM LOOSINF MY MINDD SHES PERFECT

@obitoslover

Going back to @oh-no-its-bird's Misa Amane in Naruto world post, and my ninja Misa concept art...

Now I finally did her with a fur collar she deserves!!

Also, I forgot to add on my original post, but to keep the "Naruto" vibe, I used shippuden Ino and Karin's outfits

@oh-no-its-bird 🔁

SHES SO (distant unintelligible screaming)

I LOVE !! HER !! SM!!!

Walk walk fashion baby, ninja fear you, shinigami want you, iconic, beautiful, fantastic, amazing, unique, spectacular,

Chapter 29: Madara being Obito's dad ask

Chapter Text

Anonymous asked:

thoughts on madara being like obitos father figure basically?

Absolute peak comedy actually, they hate eachother which is why I can buy it

Madara is that parent who goes "why doesn't my kid ever visit me, I literally raised them?? >:("

As Obito stands there shaking like a wet chihuahua (feral edition, to be clear. There is frothing at the mouth action going on) clutching his mountains of issues in a white knuckle grip. The mountain of issues Madara either directly caused 100% on purpose or made infinitely painfully worse than the somewhat manageable freak he could have been if he'd just been left alone

They're so toxic I hope Obito commits patricide he'd honestly deserve it

"I have crafted the ultimate shinobi by elevating this local FUCK UP—"

"I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU!!!"

"with my incredible training and impeccable parenting skills"

"You fucked up a perfectly good shinobi is what you did. Look at it. It’s got anxiety

Anyways the ultimate semi-functional Madara and Obito family dynamic is @squidpus's Grandpa Madara AU, which you should seriously check out bc its great. Every time I think about Obito and Madara's dynamic I inevitably think back to their AU, it's left a lasting impact on how I view them tbh

Chapter 30: Madara never leaves and adopts Kakashi after his fathers death

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Jokingly thought to myself "Kakashi got a sharingan pass bc the Uchiha like him" which turned into "dumb au where the Uchiha just really like Kakashi for some reason (clan stuff??)"

Which then turned into two separate fic ideas where either Obito survives and Kakashi is a hot commodity for the Uchiha (much to Obito's displeasure, he has dibs you guys go away what the fuck!!); or a kid era fic where the Uchiha take one look at Obito's eye in his head and go "DIBS!! DIBS!!! THIS MEANS WE HAVE DIBS!!!!" and just violently adopt him

Anyways:

Really stupid 'Madara adopts Kakashi after Sakumo's death' AU where Madara never left the village and continues to live as a very grumpy old man.

He adopts Kakashi partially out of spite for half-Hatake!Tobirama + the Hatake were very old Senju allies so spite for that too. Plus a little bit of "damn, another once strong clan wittled down to nothing"

(The fact he never left means Tobirama died at a much later date and also made Kagami hokage)

Madara is visiting Tobirama's grave just to go "get fucked bastard, I stole your nephew, he's mine now." (Ignoring the fact Tobirama probably would have quietly approved anyways)

Obito is around and hates Madara with an inexplicable burning rage and the feeling is mutual. Madara has beef with this literal 11 year old and it's embaressing for both of them.

Obito just has another reason to be mad about Kakashi's general existence (why does the old man seem to like HIM???? What the FUCK????) Obito doesn't know whether he should be telling Kakashi to stay away from Madara or Madara from Kakashi. He does both.

Also Madara and Tobirama were like DEFINATLEY gay together but it was kept behind closed doors and also they continued to hate on eachother in and out of the bedroom. They had the energy of a married couple who regularly gets divorced and remarried like 3 times a month. Everyone hates them.

Madara regularly goes to cuss out Tobirama's grave when mad ab something, then ends his rant with a quiet, begrudging, "miss you, bastard."

Just in general mad bitter old guy Madara harassing the general Konoha population as equally grumpy, 9 years old and almost as bitter as he is Kakashi watches

Kakashi is going to grow up to be an even bigger bastard than canon, thanks Madara!

Eventual obkk where Obito realizes if he marries Kakashi one day Madara will be his dad and he almost seriously considers just. Not.

Is it really worth it. Is it REALLY worth it. Before he sees Kakashi smile or smthn and goes FUCK ok maybe it's worth it.

Notes:

if you like my aus and fic ideas you should definatley check out my Tora Haruno AU, where Tobirama reincarnates as Sakura's big brother and fucks shit up. I almost added it here, but it got so long I decided I wanted to see it as a thing all on its own.
It's in my bird vault series if the link isnt working, its like 10k (and counting) and includes a lot of art and you should totally check it out

Chapter 31: Team Taka time travel / Orochimaru is objectively the funniest option for time travel

Chapter Text

I actually think that THE funniest time travel concept, like, ever, acrually, would be team Taka + Orochimaru and maybe Mitsuki going from either boruto or directly before boruto into almost anywhere in Naruto Shippuden

Specifically them at the weird impass they have where they're all just apparently cool with Orochimaru now, and Orochimaru is living the good life as a stay at home mom (slash still mad scientist but with slightly less corpses involved)

No matter where you drop them into naruto shippuden it's just really, really fucking funny

Like you have this sliding scale for how visibly insane Orochimaru is at any given moment in canon vs just him peacefully living out the stay at home mom dream w this team of people that, at wome points in time, he was ACTIVLEY TORTURING !!! But they're just?? Cool now???? And Orochimaru isn't even explicitly in charge and will sometimes deffer to them (Sasuke specifically) ?????????

Make it funnier and make them a proper functional family dynamic of some kind, no one knows how they got there (it's probably largley in part bc of Mitsuki)

If Mitsuki is there play into him being just a collective kid / little brother for them it'll be fun

Honestly I really like Mitsuki (I've been more tempted to watch/read boruto than actual naruto JUST for him actually, I love snake characters) and I've seen a couple time travel fics for him floating around but I always wish there were more. He's so funny !!! And the concept of him not only being Orochimaru's recognized son but also regarding Orochimaru as a good parent, is fucking insane to literally ANYONE at ANY point in time of naruto canon !!! I want to see people do more w that !!!!

The only thing holding me back at this point is I know very little ab the specifics of team Taka outside of the handful of good them-centered fics I've been able to find. So I don't think I could enjoyably write them while feeling confident in their characterization

Oh also give Karin a scene where she gives half of Konoha a fucking heart attack by being a loud red haired Uzumaki woman with chakra chains (*Kushina parallel noises*)

Actually I think boruto Orochimaru is contender for funniest possible guy to time travel not bc of the war crimes and political plots and terrifically terrifying difference between naruto/boruto him but specifically bc I need Jiraiya to see him in his gnc house wife era and have several consecutive heart attacks about it

Chapter 32: Early days team 7 gets zapped to the warring states (Kakashi is stressed)

Chapter Text

Team 7 gets zapped into the warring states era but it's like, team 7 either mid or directly after wave-arc.

They're babies!! They're untrained little babies!!! None of them have gotten that good good character development yet!! Kakashi is still actively desperately wanting to not teach them!! (tho he may have just gotten his "ahh fuck. I actually have to teach them, huh." Moment)

Sasuke looks like a carbon copy of a younger Izuna and it's going to cause problems

Naruto thankfully doesn't look much like an Uzumaki, but his tendency to very loudly introduce himself is going to get him into trouble

Going w my usual flavor of "the Hatake are a very small but very famous clan known for being fucking insane", people are seeing Kakashi and going "oh god oh fuck what are one of THOSE guys doing here oh sage preserve us please don't eat me" as Kakashi just kinda stands there like 🧍‍♂️

Sakura is the only one safe from not being fucked up and over her clan, good for her!

-> back to the Hatake thing.

The kids still know virtually nothing about their sensei so they're learning all this stuff about his clan and believing every word of it, from the believable rumors to the insane.

Sakura, in a hushed, worried voice: "Sensei,, is it true ur clan eats people??"

Kakashi, who's father died before he could tell him almost anything about their clan and genuinely doesn't know but at this point is starting to get a little worried about it:

Kakashi, who also never passes up the opportunity to fuck with someone: "only stupid little students who ask stupid little questions <3"

Sakura and Sasuke: *worriedly look at a confused Naruto*

For convoluted reasons they run into the Hatake of the era and after introductions they look at the kids and are like,

"Oh!!! Ok, so this is your kid, right? :)" pointing at Sakura.

And Kakashi is like. ",,no."

"Ohhh, ok. So this one is your kid then?" *points at Naruto*

",,,,,,,,no."

They look at him confused then nod at Sasuke. "So then that one's your kid, right?"

"None of them are my children."

*visibly disapproving / disbelieving side eye*

One big difference between this and the team ro time travel one is how much less trustworthy Kakashi comes off to literally everyone who looks at him.

He's a trained adult shinobi, probable bloodline thief (with no way to prove his innocence), and he has 3 children from 3 different clans (2 of which are indirectly enemies bc the Uzumaki is a Senju ally) (1 of which might have a direct relation to the Uchiha main house) and comes from an infamously volatile "wild clan" from another country entirely (Iron country)

He is NOT getting out of this with talk no jutsu bullshit. He has a target on his back from day 1 and it will take a minor miracle to get even a single person hear him out

Anyways uhh—

Saying Tajima and Butsuma are still alive but due to die in some months (till team 7 accidentally interfere and somehow accidentally save Tajima, maybe also Butsuma but I'm more biased towards Tajima so I'm thinking just him actually)

Kakashi sees baby Kagami and feels like he's been hit by a truck bc he looks just like a miniature Shisui and he has hang-ups about his "suicide"

Half-Hatake Tobirama is catching HEAT from Kakashi's antics. Why does one of ur cousins have a sharingan. Where did he get those children. Do you know anything about this. Is it your duty to help hunt him down bc hes your blood. If not yours then it's definatley the Hatake's, call them immediately and tell them to clean up their mess.

Bloodline theft is like THE ultimate no-no for all shinobi, especially in this era. To the point that even ancient enemies will sometimes temporarily set aside grudges to kill bloodline theives. Kakashi is so fucked, someone get him out of there

Mmmm there are like still bits and pieces of thoughts floating around in my head for this but I can feel myself getting distracted and want to get back to art fight so I'll leave it here for now

[vibrates in place] YES!!11!!!!1

Maybe it's Tobirama's responsibility to, if not catch the rogue Hatake himself, at least tell the clan that "ayo, we got a feral cousin, come get your mans" bc u can pry "Hatake are extremely possessive to other Hatake bc mmm pack" from my Cold. Dead. Hands. Another Hatake headconon u can pry from my cold dead hands is "Hatake's aren't meant to be alone, so they go a lil bit crazy if they don't got pack around". Which gives you a great way out from Kakashi being a suspicious motherfucker!

So people keep hitting Tobirama up bc hey, u got a lookalike that's fucking shit up everywhere and also fucking stole our kids maybe?!?! Dude! Not cool! And he's like "oh hell nah" and almost immediately sets out to go visit granny Kama (scythe, I know, incredibly basic of me) and when he gets there, he tells her all about this supposed Hatake that's causing problems and apparently stealing kids? Like shinobi kids. Real weird, maybe your reputation is getting even worse-

Granny Kama, Grandma Supreme, Head of the Hatake, Absolutely Terrifying Woman, smacks some sense into her grandkid.

First off, no judging family, you always have your family's back and give them the benefit of the doubt, especially with all the Hatake hate from all the boring stupid outsiders. So if there's a Hatake going crazy out there, you better sympathize.

Second off, stealing kids? Feral behavior. Clearly, this Hatake is in the middle of dying from mental health issues bc Hatake don't survive without pack, so this Hatake literally grasping at straws to not die, aka stealing people who could easily become pack. Again, sympathize and you're gonna offer your help or I will feed you to my wolf partner.

Third off, any kid, especially any shinobi kid, that's been stolen clearly weren't being protected enough and therefore the kids now legally belong to the Hatake, unless someone wants to challenge that? .... didn't think so.

Fourth off, you know, you don't have any kids, Tobi-chan, and no Hatake living with you in the Senju compound, and you barely visit, so maybe this is a sign from the gods that you should woo this mysterious Hatake and nurse them back to healt-

And that's about where Tobirama very rudely stands up, gives her a hug, and then leaves without another word (at least, it feels rude, but the Hatake don't really care about politeness, so it's not rude at all, he gave her a hug, that's the only part that would've been mean to not do).

Meanwhile, Kakashi is running through a forest with three kids that are barely keeping up and a fourth kid in his arms that he didn't have five minutes ago bc he has little to no self control. But he definitely does not at all have any problem with adoption or needing a pack or anything at all, really. He is so healthy.

A Great Fireball flies by over their heads.

So, so healthy.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Reusing one of my favorite lines from another post sorry, but I LOVE the mental image of Tobirama sending his aunt the ninja equivalent of a lost dog poster going "yo auntie come get your dog it's tearing my lawn up"

Kakashi is NOT beating the mother hen allegations.

I honestly think it'd be kind of funny if u stick to canon and like, he's actually a little bad with kids / genuinley wants nothing to do with his team. BUT the Hatake thing ab them being serial adopters + not being good when left alone is also real. (Kakashi is just either an outlier or his instincts are buried under all that trauma + general avoidance of children as a whole)

So like. Kakashi is standing there, arms filled with children (that he did not ask for!!!) and everyone who looks at him is going "oh no,,, his Hatake instincts have overtaken him,,, he got so desperate he stole children this is literally so sad,,"

BUT NO !!! THESE ARE NOT HIS KIDS !!!! HE WANTS OUT !!!!!!!

But like. Also they've time traveled. There's no one to pass them off to or place to hide from them he's now their legal guardian as their sensei and also the only adult who can reasonably be trusted to care for them till they can get back home.

It's like one of those situations where ur mother is constantly asking when you're going to get married/have kids, and you can't just tell her to fuck off bc that's your MOM. So you just kind of squirm in ur seat and deflect

(And then eventually he slowly slips from genuinley wanting out to actually seeing them as his kids but also being DEEP in denial about it

Kids?? What kids?? He doesn't have any kids. Those brats??? Nah he hates them (he says while pausing to buy their favorite foods in the middle of a life or death chase)

Anyways ->

A) @eularin, you're a genius

B) I wanna propose an alternative, the Uchiha hear him out and decide he has to do a ghost marriage to Obito in order to keep the eye. So instead of Kakashi lying ab being married to Obito he is actually now legally married to his (not actually all that dead) ghost (oops)

Not that he fuckin knows it tho!

Also this way the Uchiha get to own his ass (and sharingan) + also get Sasuke and the other bonus children (they mostly care about Sasuke)

Anyways uhh.

Really big fan of taking the half-hatake Tobirama train and then also saying he's Kakashi's uncle (his mother was sisters with Kakashi's grandma) and saying Kakashi actually resembles him a decent amount

It's shown up a couple times in my fics actually. Every time I sprinkle a little "When he glares he resembles Tobirama" line in my fics my depression gets a little better

But my point is -> there's SOME kind of implications with Sasuke being a little Izuna look alike running around w a guy who resembles Tobirama. I don't know what implications (Tobirama doesn't have his reputation for being a mad scientist yet or else I'd say someone do a "clones gone wrong" theory) but like. Idk there's potential for smthn there

Don't ask me what tho

Chapter 33: Obkk ghost marriage au

Chapter Text

Obkk ghost marriage fic where after kannabi bridge, the Uchiha decide Kakashi can keep the eye but only if he agrees to marry Obito's ghost in a traditional ghost marriage.

(This also means he officially joins the Uchiha clan. Maybe lean into how he knows very little ab his own clan history, so there's like some minor complexes playing off of that as he ultimately takes up the Uchiha name and traditions, effectively abandoning his own -> which could also play interestingly into his negative views of his father at that age. This also means he moves out of his clan compound and into the Uchiha district— which is actually really good for his mental health)

Kakashi doesn't argue, he sees it as the ultimate atonement actually. He's incredibly dutiful but especially so at that age. He'd take it dead fuckin seriously and be the best ghost bride possible. Instead of constantly going to the memorial stone he has like a proper shrine to honor him in the house where he leaves his favorite foods n stuff

Like little 13 year old widower Kakashi w Rin as his witness rip

I'm not the biggest Rin fan bc her canon characterization is that usual boring "girl crush turned martyr" (naruto misogony strikes again rip) and I've yet to find any interpretations that really strike me— with one exception.

I don't remember the fic, and Rin only showed up for part of it, but I remember being rlly taken by her in it. It highlighted her being as struck by Obito's death as Kakashi, with her an official mednin working overtime in the hospital as the war ramped up. Also it gave her a smoking habit!! I can appreciate a well played addiction to cope in text. Idk I just read it and kinda went "woah she suddenly feels like a real person to me"

But like, that for Rin here. She's working triple overtime in the hospital, day and night. The war is getting worse and worse and some nights she comes home w her gloves still stained in the blood of her patients from back to back surgeries where her patients died on the table. They have her listed for eye trauma specifically after her successful transplant for Kakashi, and she's proving to be invaluable for the patients w eye based kekkei genkkai. She wants to go into specifically researching and healing for eye bloodline limits, but is struggling to convince the clans to allow her access to that information.

Kakashi's new home is closer to the hospital that Rin's parents, and stuff w her parents is starting to get... tense. It hurts them, to see their daughter struggling like this. To see her coming home with dulled eyes and bloodied hands. To be waken by her nightmares and then not know how to comfort her.

Rin slowly starts staying over with Kakashi more and more and after a while she's just kind of fully moved in, but neither of them actually really talk about it

Let them be best friends w a kind of codependency on eachother that would be concerning if not for how it's very clearly keeping both of their heads afloat as days go on and things get worse.

Queerplatonic besties Rin and Kakashi sharing the same bed so when they wake up screaming they can help eachother go back to sleep easier. Rin likes it when Kakashi summons his ninken to sleep w them. They sleep easier w eachother bc they feel safer knowing they're there to have eachothers back, just like they would on the field

Anyways, Kakashi moves out of his clan compound and into the Uchiha's. He's neighbors with a little 6 year old Shisui and is kind of picked up by the scruff by a lot of Uchiha who have really weird complex feelings ab Obito's death (many of them feeling bad ab not having reached out before to him / seeing him die so young, and then projecting that onto Kakashi)

Kakashi and sometimes Rin kind of accidentally becoming a babysitter for Itachi both bc of proximity and bc Mikoto is friends with Kushina

On that note -> Minato does not really get the ghost marriage thing. He's civilian born, and the practice is really old and hasn't really been used since like, warring states era. So Minato is kind of weirded out and very "uhhh. Are you SURE this I'd what you wanna do?" But Kakashi seems set, and like, if it helps him cope???

He is however very supportive of getting Kakashi out of the fucking tomb of his father's house and into the much more populated and lively Uchiha clan compound

Minato makes Kakashi ANBU and designates him as his home guard specifically to keep him off the battlefield. He lowkey does the same to Rin (minus the ANBU part) positioning her in the hospital and making sure she's getting that good good mednin education. If pressed on why she doesn't go out as a field medic, he insists it's because she shows too much promise as a healer to risk— not now that they've lost Tsunade. If Rin can grow to be even half as good as she is, it'll be worth keeping her away from the fighting.

Neither Kakashi nor Rin feel very good about this decision (tho hypocritically, they agree w it when it comes to the other, bc ofc they do)

Rin doesn't die bc I say so and Obito does a comedy spit take when he inevitably learns he's legally married to Kakashi under the eyes of the Sage, Amaterasu and all.

@kdjojo 🔁

I'm vergy confused is this an au u pulled out of your ass or did someone else make it. Wjat is happening.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔁

I birthed it out of my brain just now 👍

Anyways adding on bc this comment from @rainybyday made me want to write more and I extended the comment word limit

In a perfect works the massacre just wouldn't happen (bc of a mix of Rin not dying and sending Obito over the edge as Madara's pawn + Kakashi looking out for both Itachi and Shisui when they're older)

In a flawed world it happens but Kakashi is spared bc Itachi can make up a bullshit excuse about "You're not a REAL uchiha" in order to avoid fulfilling the full order (a comment that hurts Kakashi more than he'd like to admit. Also among the hurt of the uhh. Murders of the entire clan and family he's grown to love by a boy he partially helped to raise.)

In a bad world Kakashi dies with the rest of them and we get to see him become an unholy mix of a a Rin/Shisui-like martyr for Sasuke (who was also babysat by him growing up) + sets off Rin (and Obito if he's around?? Idk where he is in this version of the story, he might be on the opposite side actually and now dealing w the fact he inadvertently killed Kakashi) who now joins Sasuke in his epic revenge quest against Itachi.

Endgame either Hokage Rin or nukenin Rin and Sasuke duo out for blood???

Alternatively, Rin tells Sasuke (a baby) to sit down and let HER handle this and vows she will get revenge for him and for the clan (as she was lowkey as close to an honorary Uchiha as you can get after living in the compound w Kakashi for so long)

Also in any version of this story where the massacre happens, Rin + Kakashi (if he's alive) are so adopting Sasuke. Terrifyingly competent mednin Sasuke, trained by the second coming of Tsunade (Rin) anyone???

Now, in a bad but now make it interesting world, take ALL of the above from the bad world route but say Kakashi actually survived and was taken by Obito.

In this, Obito still lost his marbles and became Madara's pawn (tho idk what his final straw was if Rin is still alive) and masterminded the massacre.

Kakashi is near mortally wounded and Obito freaks tf out and scoops him up to heal him back at base. But now he has Kakashi and he doesn't really wanna let him go??? Maybe he """accidentally""" shows him his face and oh noooo now he HAS to keep him here for security reasons,,,

I'm tired of Rin being this damsel in distress martyr it's Kakashi's turn now.

Obitos gonna put him up in a tower somewhere for Rin and Sasuke to save

Chapter 34: Madara and kid!Kakashi's time travel field trip from hell

Chapter Text

"Madara and Kakashi's field trip from hell"

Where warring era Madara somehow time travels first to kid era Kakashi (before his dad died), then manages to accidentally kidnap him, time travels AGAIN to future Konoha, then eventually back to warring era— all of this with a very very angry, very very kidnapped kid Kakashi in hand.

Madara is screaming wordlessly as Kakashi screams back and tries to bite him, an older Kakashi physically cringing and averting his eyes while team 7 watches in awe

It's hated on sight for kid Kakashi and Sasuke actually, but like the mutual respect kind of hatred. It's just hatred for Sakura and Naruto. Damn, even in the future Kakashi is surrounded by incompetent children, this is tragic. (Older Kakashi is putting his head in his hands in tears. Why was he like this.)

Kid Kakashi tells Naruto he's just as stupid as his dad, which Naruto takes as a compliment and also an earth shattering realization bc WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNOW MY DAD???

Kid Kakashi mistakes older Kakashi for his dad at first and it's exactly as painful as you would expect

(Somewhere in another timeline, Sakumo is losing his SHIT over Kakashi's kidnapping by Madara. Madara is so so sorry he did not do this on purpose oh god put the sword down listen we can talk this out wait nO LISTEN WE CAN TALK THIS OUT—)

Kakashi hates himself but especially hates himself at that age and it definatley shows and is very painful for everyone around bc hes just straight up mean to like an actual 6 year old. Who is also himself. It's a lot.

Kid Kakashi also absoloutley DESPISES what hes become like holy shit Kakashi is everything he hates in a person

Madara genuinley did not mean to kidnap Kakashi btw. He actually didn't even mean to time travel. I'm thinking it was an Uzumaki seal in some old ruins activated by accident and gone wrong. Madara lands in a new place and uses his sharingan to replicate it in an attempt to get back, but knows very little about seals so like 90% of it is guess work and the other 10% is prayer

Kakashi somehow gets involved by snooping and gets hit with his attempt at a return seal (honestly his own fault) and now Madara is just kind of. Stuck with him. AND not even home what the fuck !!! They have to work together kind of but also Kakashi wants to see him dead and Madara is having to physically wrestle him away (he is a demon baby holy shit) <- then repeat that process with his next attempt at a go home seal but like, this time it works!! He's home!!! But also he was actually trying to go back to Kakashi's time to put him back. So. Oops.

It's like a really bad situation for Madara actually bc he has this whole KID now. This kid who hates him (tho somewhat less, after all they've gone through on their little field trip) and Madara wants to put him back!!! He does not want to keep Kakashi!!! Holy shit he does not want to keep this child. But he only made it home on pure fucking luck and he can't risk trying AGAIN and never making it back. But he also can't just send Kakashi ALONE, he's 6! He's 6 and the seal is unstable and Madara doesn't know where he'll end up and look Madara isn't a good guy but he is NOT about to see this whole ass toddler dead because of his fuck up.

When they eventually go back to the warring states together Kakashi is like a miniature Tobirama and people react appropriately

The Uchiha are eyeing Madara like uhhhhh Madara-sama is there something you'd like to share with us.

(Also Kakashi is actually Tobirama's blood related nephew but neither Madara or Kakashi is aware of this)

Madara doesn't really want to just set Kakashi loose on the world??? It's a dangerous world! Kakashi is proven dangerous but like FUCK he's kind of Madara's responsibility now and oh god he has a kid why does he have a kid he's going to fucking kill it by accident and—

So anyways Madara is stressed.

The Hatake are a Senju ally and also fucking impossible to track down or contact if you aren't one of them. They're nomadic and in Iron country, so there's actually 0 chance of Madara trying to pass Kakashi off to them

Madara debates trying to throw Kakashi at Tobirama/Hashirama and run away to avoid awkward questions

The Uchiha elders are pushing for him to be a political prisoner to use against the Senju, maybe Madara makes some bullshit up about Kakashi being related to Hashirama and Tobirama idk (it's not even that much of a lie, I mean, he IS, just not in the way anyone expects)

Uhhh endgame getting peace early by bluffing really really hard about Kakashi being a missing Senju brother?? And like "ransoming" him for peace (Hashirama has NO fucking clue what Madara is on about but yeah sure he'll take any excuse to end the war)

Hashi and Tobi are staring at a tiny little glaring Kakashi like 👁👁👁👁 "So, Madara. Wanna talk about where you found our,,,, 'long lost brother',, you said he was?"

Madara, visibly sweating and unable to meet their eyes, "n,,no,,,"

Chapter 35: Tobirama reincarnates as Sakura's big brother and fucks shit up (Tora Haruno AU)

Summary:

My longest AU map yet like holy shit you guys this clocks in at almost 13k

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Anonymous asked:

recently, i've started to see things where tobirama is reincarnated as sakura or is sakura's "inner", which is really interesting. could i get your take on this?

#bird I have time travel thoughts at all times because of you #how dare you (affectionate) #also i tried to type out what exactly i found funny about the potential interactions and my brain died on me #just tora being so similar to tobirama but being best friends with two uchiha #i had other thoughts but they escaped my brain >:( #also i wonder how long or if anyone figures out that tora is tobirama reincarnated #I always love sakura getting some early character development!! she's gonna be terrifying!! because she started taking shit seriously later #than her teamates and while she is weaker than them she's really fucking close and she did that in a few years!! with taking things serious #earlier and tora would probably help her!! and now i have so many thoughts on tora and sakura's dynamic #sakura and sasuke are gonna fight about who has the best big brother i feel it in my bones #wow these tags are a disaster #also sorry for all the sakura #can you tell she's my favourite lol #anyways i would say I'd write this but i have zero confidence on being able to get anything written down like I'm gonna try but no promises

Unfortunatley I don't actually know much ab Sakura's inner! I learned naruto lore via fanfiction (never actually touched any canon media, oops) and have only actually read like 3 Sakura centric ones, I straight up didn't even know Sakura had a multiple personality(?) thing going for her till a few months ago (and boy wasn't that a surprise)

I think Tobirama being reincarnated as her could be p fun!! But also I think I'd be more interested in telling a story where he just straight up reincarnated as someone not existing in canon, if only bc then he could also interact WITH Sakura instead of just being her

I find that a lot of stories that try to give Sakura agency just kind of toss her entire character out the window and start from scratch, which is fun and valid! But it's more fun for me to make direct, uncomfortable eyecontact w canon her and find increasingly stupid or chaotic ways to fast track that whole "character development" thing or at least find ways to explain why she's Like That(tm)

So yeah I don't have toooo much interest in Tobirama reincarnating as specifically Sakura or her inner, but I could be into a story where he just reincarnates in proximity to her and then see how they bounce off of eachother. Maybe as a sibling? That could be cool

If he's born a girl we can zap em with the trans beam on top of the body dismorphia of suddenly being a whole child, that could be interesting. The blatant sexism of naruto canon could also make for an interesting plotline if we want to actually get into that

I kind of like the idea of him not actually remembering his previous life, at least not in full. Maybe he has weird dreams sometimes, maybe he looks at photos of the Nidaime and gets weird feelings of dejavu.

I suddenly have a very specific mental image of him getting a scar on his cheek, where one of his tattoos used to be, and just staring in a mirror afterwards at this super weird feeling of dejavu mixed w a sensation of it not being right mixed w just general body dismorphia and aw fuck why does he feel like he's both a little more right and further from himself than he's ever been?

Anyways would he be born younger or older than Sakura? Older brother him is just super overprotective, often suffering from nightmares of sensing as Sakura and some unnamed "other sibling" of his dies. It could also mean he can interact with Itachi actually, maybe they can be emotionally stunted baby genius friends or smthn

But younger sibling him could make for a surprisingly compelling parallel with Sakura and Hashirama! Especially w how Sakura later goes on to train with Tsunade n stuff

Part of me wants to say he's still names Tobirama for simplicitys sake, he can just be named after the Nidaime or smthn. But also that feels a bit cheap even if it is easier, so at least for now we'll name him Tora

Him and cat Tora can square off for name rights idk

Tora speaking oddly formally for a civilian, and having the kind of respect for your elders that come from being a second son in an elder run clan in ancient Japan. He has an awful time trying to form emotional attachments with people, including but especially his parents, who for some reason never really felt like his

But also him having a super easy time being attached to his new little sister Sakura, who he refuses to see anything bad happen to ever

So Tora and Sakura's parents being like suuper traditional, which is why Sakura is Like That when it comes to boys (she's constantly being told she needs to find a man to take care of her) Tora acts as a good figure and role model in her life, so while she's still interested in romance like canon she isn't AS boy crazy and can do a bit of thinking for herself.

And then we can get some fun conflict between Tora and his parents, who unfortunatley don't get the whole trans thing and constantly insist he needs to either drop the shinobi thing and find a husband, or if he does keep going at the shinobi thing, use it to find a husband there then drop it

Yeah he's not doing either of those things.

(they find out he's friends w the Uchiha clan heir and immediatley get weird about it, all glowing with pride that he's "attracting such good potential husbands" n stuff (Tora is PISSED))

Anyways Tora being just alarmingly good at literally any jutsu Tobirama invented. Like, ALARMINGLY good. He has that first life muscle memory, which unfortunatley is NOT a valid alibi and he's about to get his ass beat for seeming to have reverse engineered secret jutsus he shouldn't be able to know.

It isn't HIS fault that just glancing at the flying thunder god technique that one time was apparently enough for him to instinctively understand how to use it!!! Maybe this "Tobirama" guy should have just been better at making his jutsu harder to understand, this is clearly not his fault

He manages to help avoid the Uchiha massacre by being friends with Itachi, the two of them both graduating early and at the same ages, joining the same team and then ANBU together and so on.

Tora being really strong and graduating early and all that only further motivating Sakura to be a super strong shinobi, just like her big brother! Maybe she and Sasuke can even bond or have met earlier through Itachi and Tora's friendship.

Sakura and Sasuke childhood friends agreeing to try and graduate early together just like their older siblings. Not really into sasusaku but Ill say Sakura can keep her crush on him but be actually normal about it via exposure plus maybe some boy advice from Tora (he's a shinobi, so if you really want to charm him, you'll have to beat him first)

She can maybe lose it with time (and exposure to him being a dumb cringe fail kid w his brother still around) and maybe go kiss Ino idk

Anyways, Tora and Itachi friendship. Shisui is also there!! (Love that guy)

They're dynamic is just emotionally suppressed bastard (thinks hes better than you) + emotionally suppressed bastard (knows hes better than you) + upbeat guy smiling at you as he holds a gun to your head

Shisui and Tora take turns driving the car as Itachi sits in the back seat peacefully eating some applesauce (he's just happy to be here)

They're gonna blow up the hokage tower for the good of the people 👍

They're on an ANBU team w Kakashi and Tenzo and forget about going grey, they're gonna make Kakashi's hair straight up fall out from the stress

Maybe Tora can move out of his parents house the first chance he gets, and then whatever place he manages to find can be a little safe place for Itachi. Itachi accidentally ends up almost moving in w him as things at home get worse and worse w the coup. He just stays over more and more and doesn't want to return home

Circling back to the "Tora instinctivley knows how to navigate Tobirama's seals/techniques" the most terrifying point of the story is when he sees Naruto's jinchuriki seal and realizes he knows how to mess with it

Uh oh!! Shouldn't have that information!!

Anyways take some doodles

(Danzo is "that jackass who won't let me look at the nidaime's old research" and Tora has a GRUDGE.)

@chaosflame 🔄

All I can think of at the moment is somehow time travel happens and Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, Tora, Itachi, and Shisui interact with the founders idk which way it happens but the reactions would be so funny,

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

STOP HIDING SUCH GOOD CONTENT IN THE TAGS IM GONNA BEAT YOU TO DEATH !!!!!!!!!

No but that'd be hilarious tho ur so right

I'm ngl I was kind of having thoughts ab how edo tensei Tobirama would work, like I feel like he would still be summoned but just missing whatever part of him moved on to reincarnate into Tora. Or maybe he wouldn't be summoned at all. Or maybe he'd be summoned somewhat but when getting close enough to Tora they both get like fucking seizures as their souls try to reconnect or smthn fun like that

Also Sakura swooning over Sasuke till he says smthn vuagley negative ab her brother and suddenly she's ready to fucking destroy him

Sakura: omg... Sasuke-kun is talking to me... he's so cool... he could literally do no wrong ever...

Sasuke: my brother is better than yours

Sakura:

Sakura: What the fuck did you just say to me.

Sakura has so much potential she just needs a good teacher, and Tora is so there for her. She's gonna graduate full honors in ninja school. If Tora's baby sister wants to be the best ninja ever, then you can bet your ass he will do his best to make her the best ninja ever. Sasuke is also getting extra training via Tora being around, good for him

Maybe there can be a bit ab Sasuke kind of being jealous at how easy Sakura picks this stuff up. (He's also plenty talented but also has the unfortunate burden of just happening to be surrounded by people even more impressively and noticably talented than he is, poor Sasuke)

Tora learning seals as easy as breathing air then teaching Sasuke and Sakura about them. Little seal masters in the making. Sasuke actually struggles with it but Sakura is a natural so he keeps going at it out of spite. He will not be beat by her !!!

I don't know how exactly but Naruto does eventually show up and join them. Maybe around when Tora gets his own appartment? What if he's like, Naruto's neighbor or smthn ooo that could be fun. He's also a sucker for any kid in need (ignore the fact he's not even that much older than him) he's inviting Naruto over and cooking them dinner

Tora, a history buff, not really aware of the "Don't tell Naruto who/what he is" law bc of how young he is (w it implied someone his age shouldn't even know who/what he is + civilian born so no one ever directly told him), seeing Naruto and going "oh cool, Uzumaki. Big fan of ur families work."

Naruto learning seals from him !! They can research the Uzumaki clan and sealing style ✨️together✨️

Tora catches a glimpse of his seal and record scratches "kid what the FUCK is on your stomach" bc he instinctivley recognizes it w a bone deep certainty and (to his horror) also recognizes the points of where he'd want to tug at it to unravel it completely

Related note: Tora like, hitting an age where he realizes "Ok. So I definatley know things I should not." And being smart enough to keep his mouth shut ab it bc he knows announcing that fact will bring more problems than trying to explain/justify himself to anyone, even if that person has good intentions (he's a shinobi, shinobi never have truly good intentions)

And him just feeling this fucking nail in his coffin every time he finds himself knowing more things he Should Not Know bc fuckkk this is going to get him in so much trouble

Ignorance is bliss and Tora was born lacking!

The more I think about him the funnier it gets. He's Tobirama !! But minus a lot of trauma and decades of grudges and also he's like 15. He's a fucking teenager. I think he should get to be short too for comedy. He's this lanky little teenager who knows too much and is mad about it because he can't even USE the forbidden knowledge in his head bc the second he does he's gonna get fucking arrested 10 times over for knowing things he shouldn't!!! He has a 1 way ticket to Yamanaka mind fuck central and he does not want to get on that train!!!!!

BUT YESS TIME TRAVEL !! MY FAVORITE!!!

Tora Itachi and Shisui time travel and cause ✨️problems✨️a fic of a fic I'll never write ^squared

Pointing at my older fic idea/outline of 'Team Ro time travels to the warring states' THAT but now au it and throw in Tora as part of team Ro, it'll be beautiful

Tora actually has a minor grudge against Tobirama bc of all the shit he's been through and gotten in trouble for of knowing stuff he shouldn't about his jutsu/techniques.

Overrated old man !!! You're stuff isn't even that impressive !!! Tora can take it appart in his sleep !!! Basic bitch !!!

Even in his next life, Tobirama is his own worst critic. Tragic.

I think eventually, Tora might be able to piece together who he once was. The big question tho is if he'd tell anyone (bc let's be real, the fun part of most identity shenanigans fics is the reactions of those around the person doing the identity fuckery)

The only person I can see him telling willingly is maybe Itachi and/or Shisui.

I don't think he'd tell Sakura

As an older sibling myself, the fucking ordeal that is having smthn heavy on your mind and not wanting to put that on your little sibling is so fucking real. Even if it's not that deep of a thing

I think a big factor on if he'd even want to share is where he is mentally in the story when he learns the truth. Bc I can kind of see it just kind of slotting into place for him, just like the jutsu knowledge of his past life often does. Just another fact of life, something he knows to be true. The sky is blue, bamboo paper works best for fire seals, and he used to be Senju Tobirama in another life.

Scene where after realizing who he once was, he sits in front of a mirror and paints on his old seals. He feels very complicated ab them, they feel right but also now wrong. They aren't his, though they were once. Painting them on isn't coming home, he's just... saying hi to an old friend.

Even after knowing the truth he calls Tobirama an overrated old man, then wonders if he's stuck dealing with his messes (the Uchiha biases in village / Danzo / general forbidden knowledge fuckery) bc of karma

Also if you do write smthn for it I WILL cry on you (that is a threat) and also probably inevitably draw smthn for it

But also no pressure!! The writing gods are fickle indeed

@chaosflame 🔄

Team 7 is gonna be a team of seal masters!!! They're gonna cause so much chaos!! Tora what have you done!! (< a question so many people in konoha ask once they know Tora is the one that taught them sealing)

ooooooo the sealing worldbuilding potential this has, because like having all 3 do the exact same thing is boring and also doesn't make sense to me at all, i don't really have much sealing lore(headcanon or canon) in memory at the moment so I don't have any specific thoughts right now, but I love this alot

Holy shit I just had a thought

What if danzo trys something with Sakura like she's a civilian born and important to Tora, he could use that to be like ~ominous warning about something bad happening to Sakura~ to Tora to keep him in line or something, this plus his weirdness about the Uchiha ends up setting up his downfall because you do not fuck with Tora's family,

Now I'm imagining Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura chilling at Tora's apartment waiting for Itachi and Tora to show up, because they said they along with Shisui had to do something~ and it was best to wait at Tora's apartment while they do it,

After a bit They're back somewhat injured and bloody maybe some baby root agents(like Sai!!!) Following them idk and it's just,

Baby team 7 looking at Itachi, Tora, Shisui, and maybe some root agents: what do you have there?!

One of them (probably Shisui): a smoothie :) (or something else probably but my mind is blanking)

@chaosflame 🔄

I can't believe my thoughts got so derailed by new thought I forgot my other thoughts >:( brain how dare,

Anyway the edo tensei thing, so I'm pretty sure in canon they say that Naruto and Sasuke are just straight up the reincarnations of Hashirama and Madara and also the Sage's sons( I forgot their names, I also could be wrong, it's been years since I watched the show), so Tora just like existing shouldn't cause Tabirama to just not show up,

But like this is obviously a different kind of reincarnation and the idea of Tobirama just not showing up is funny as fuck(the other ones you said are also funny just this one the confusion everyone feels except maybe Tora if he's there or hears of it is sending me)

I also have more thoughts on the team 7 seal thing, so to me Sakura is best with mental and chakra control things(i also see Tobirama in general also leaning towards this so :D) , Naruto Is best with physical and large amounts of chakra things, and Sasuke is a jack of all trades, so somehow translate that to seal work, I'll probably think of how at some point but I can't think of anything right now

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

HUGE yes to the each of them having specific sealing types. I'm such a slut for seal lore, I need them each to have a specific specialty.

Naruto is ofc doing like, classic Uzumaki sealing. I'm thinking maybe they specialize in defense and trap seals?? His crazy amounts of chakra can mean he can brute force pretty much anything too, make him power a shield and that baby is NOT coming down

Sakura is a "work straight from the textbook" kind of girl, she can copy her big brothers sealing style to a T! Tora is trying to encourage her to branch out and find her own style but she stubbornly tells her that she'll just get so good at his style that it becomes hers fr.

All that aside tho, I think it'd be neat if she specialized in offensive seals, to match her seal of strength or whatever she has going on in canon. But also I do like the idea of the mental stuff??

(Tora's style of sealing is an ungodly amalgamation of classic Uzumaki seals mixed w Senju seals mixed with just multiple other styles, absoloutley butchered, pieced apart then put back together again in a terrifying display of skill)

Im hearing what ur laying down but I actually wanna elect Sasuke for the mind fuckery seals as a speciality, if only as a nod towards canon w Orochimaru's curse mark on him. Let him do poisony sneaky stuff!! Also this means he gets a foot in the door of being a possible med nin for the team! His seal speciality is basically "biology" if you squint! (I just like healer Sasuke tbh)

(Also if both Sasuke and Sakura work as med nin, they can bond over it!! Them working in tandem with eachother to be this terrifying healer duo would be so cool)

Actually writing this I think Sasuke's seal type has the most potential to be the most terrifying, which could also play in nicely with him actually struggling to learn it. Let him have the worst time with seals but end up being the scariest with them!! It'll be fun!!

On top of all that they can all do "basic" seals pretty much in their sleep, like explosion tags/storage seals/etc.

But some of them are just better at specific ones bc of their styles (like Naruto makes the best storage seals and Sakura the best demolition ones)

Ok but Danzo using Sakura both as leverage over Tora, but also bc he's like looking at Tora like "fuck I can't believe I almost missed this guy, his talent is crazy." *eyes Sakura* "Well, if u can't get the original product..."

Sakura joins root arc <3

(Tora is going to hit Danzo with a car)

She gets to be friends w Sai and some other root agents but mostly Sai bc I fucking love Sai and we NEED more Sai content. Tora needs more sad children to collect!!

He can collect Sai's brother too if he's still alive, which I think he should be so now he is. Thems the rules!

I was joking earlier when I said that they blow up the hokage tower but actually I think that would be the funniest and most dramatic thing for them to do.

(Sonic snapcube dub Tails voice) Let's blow it up!!

Can't prove it was them tho (Kakashi is helping to cover for them and ohhh my godd he's so stressed oh god oh fuck why are all his kids like this why is he surrounded by budding little phycopaths and arsonists guys you need to STOP)

Tora's appartment is just THE hang out spot. He accidentally ends up inventing spacial expansion seals or smthn just so he can give everyone their own rooms at his place so they stop crashing on his couch

(Not that he has issues w them taking his couch, but when you have Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke, then Itachi and Shisui, plus occasionally Kakashi and Tenzo, AND eventually Sai and his brother— well. There's only one couch. And also only so much floor.)

Anyways, pivoting!

Tora is going through life with no parental figures I think that needs to change.

I'm throwing Kakashi at him as a weird sort of almost dad almost older brother figure (neither of them will acknowledge this relationship ever. They will in fact deny it to their dying breaths.)

Kakashi is picking up this kid w pinched fingers holding him away from him like he's scared he's gonna bite (he will not, stop being weird Kakashi)

Tora just radiates this "calm, controlled, good student, obedient ninja, loyal soldier" energy (aside from the resting bitch face ofc) but Kakashi takes ONE look at him and is immediatley going "oh that one is trouble trouble"

(Takes one to know one)

This is very quickly growing out of hand actually but I physically can't stop at this point, I'm invested

@chaosflame 🔄

Yes that is what the sealing specialty for each member of team 7 shall be it's perfect,

Kakashi better get used to this because it's only gonna get worse <3!!

Um so it might just get more out of hand because my mind just gave me this au meeting canon and oh my god imagine everyone's reactions to eachother it would be so chaotic,

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

See this is why ur my favorite (I'm pretty sure I've told u this before but also at this point it's been literal years, so. But I fucking love aus meet canon. They are my THING. I am OBSESSED.) I was literally just thinking ab the potential of it like 10 minutes ago on the train

The Kakashi's swap teams without realizing and no one notices smthn is wrong till Tora's team 7 starts blowing shit up and canon!Itachi appears to try to fuck with Tora!Sasuke only for Tora!Sakura to point at him and scream "IM TELLING TORA !!!!!!!"

Canon!Sasuke in Tora's world gets to remember what it's like to have a family again for a day or two (Tora wants to keep him)

Tora comes back w him to canon just to beat up Itachi. He's putting his head in his hands going "THIS is why we don't let Shisui be in charge for longer than a week at a time"

Kakashi got an ominous feeling the day Tora was born and it only got worse from there (it will never stop getting worse)

@chaosflame 🔄

!!!!! :D ♡♡♡♡♡ you're one of my favorites as well

PFFFT canon!Itachi is gonna be so confused like "Tora?? the cat??" Tora!Team 7 are gonna be so so sad that Tora doesn't exist in the canon verse,

Tora, holding canon!Team 7 in his arms: *glares* I'm keeping them

Sadly he can't or canon verse is fucked, but he sure fucking can make it easier on them by dealing with Danzo and this time he doesn't even need to be quite about it!! Also knocking some fucking sense into canon!Itachi

OK so I now have a bare bones timline in my head

Tora academy stuff anbu stuff + other things

Sakura and Sasuke meet

Tora get's an apartment (idk why in my head Sakura and Sasuke meet before this but they do, for now at least probably gonna change it)

Idk if sealing lessons were going on before this or not but they are now plus Naruto joins Tora's group of kids

Some time passes and the Sakura joins root arc begins and then ends with the hokage tower being blown up and Sai and his brother being added to Tora's group of kids

Genin test and team 7 is official and Kakashi dreads this oh so much

Shenanigans happen and this au meets with canon (if I ever get around to writing this is probably gonna be in a separate fic but who knows, I sure as fuck don't)

Chunin exams that ends with Gaara having a fixed seal and being added to Tora's group of kids but a long distance one (plus probably his siblings as well)

And I imagine the fourth war kinda still happening or something else that has edo tensei hashirama meeting Tora and his friends and family and revealing that he's Tobirama's reincarnation somehow because I want those fucking reactions and Tora sure as fuck isn't gonna spill

I love how this au has basically become "Tobirama reincarnated as Sakura's big brother and can't stop picking up sad children"

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

GAARA MY BELOVED!! Tora is going to look at his seal and feel offended by it (literally right down to his soul) they butchered the seal!! Look at it!! Awful!! Rip off!! Cheap!! Disgusting!! Pathetic!!

He's so mad ab it

Another interesting point to think about is how fundamentally different Tobirama and Tora are, even if they are still the same at a baseline!

They're both undoubtedly products of their upbringings and time periods:

Tobirama a loyal second son, born into blood and perpetuating that cycle in new fun ways even once he thought he'd escaped it. He was born with a specific purpose he came to eventually learn to escape (but even then never got too far from it, even if he fell into those pitfalls accidentally) and had very few people who could truly relate to him

And Tora is a first born ""daughter"" to very traditional parents he has virtually no respect or love for other than lingering feelings of respecting his elders from his past life. To modern standards, he is pretty traditional, but to older standards he's terrifyingly progressive on several levels. He has multiple people who can relate to the many different aspects of his life (Itachi and Kakashi as fellow terrifying baby geniuses, we can totally zap Kakashi with the trans beam and have him be there for gender support too, Shisui who gets it by virtue of getting Itachi, the many, MANY children he's suddenly surrounded by who've faced their own struggles that also reflect on him in different ways)

I think Tora has a lot more room to be expressive and embrace his own anger and general issues.

He has no standards to meet except for the ones he sets for himself. Every choice he makes has been painfully deliberate and often times against the express wishes of those who, in his past life, would have been the end all be all of authority over him (his parents)

Also their vocabularies are different (modern curses and slang vs older ettiquite also well versed in court doubles speech) which can result in some funny comparisons. Bc like, they'll have the same thought!! But then say it in totally different ways that just feel like different people

Tobirama, wanting to call someone a coward: "I find it impressive that someone lacking a spine could come so far."

Tora, wanting to call someone a coward: "Yeah ok bold words for a PUSSY"

U see the difference is that usually only Hashirama and some others can directly translate "Tobirama speech" when he wants to call someone a motherfucker but Tora just straight up calls you a motherfucker to your face

Because why wouldn't he ?? He's 15, he's not a clan kid or any sort of court shinobi who might have to meet someone's ettiquite expectations. The only reason he's being polite is because he WANTS to, not because he HAS to (ok well maybe he has to a little bit, otherwise he'd have called Danzo a bitch already. Hes aware that's a bad idea. Still wants to do it tho.)

Tobirama was raised in and directly benefited off of the shinobi system. He literally helped to shape it. He's very, VERY biased when it comes to it's pros and cons

Tora meanwhile was born and raised on the opposite spectrum, directly punished by that same system for being a civilian. The system is constantly getting in his way, from people not taking him seriously to resources being harder to come by to casual classism and more! He hates it! This sucks!

As Tobirama he generally had the freedom to research whatever he wanted with little issue. He was at the top of the food pyramid, if he wanted to know something there was very little red tape he actually had to deal with to get that thing. And if he couldn't then he could just fuckin send someone out to find it FOR him.

As Tora he is fighting tooth and fucking nail for so much as an outdated sealing study about a seal decades old that's no longer even relevant to the current sealing fields.

It's safe to say that Tora has very different views from Tobirama about the shinobi system!! And quite a few are born out of pure spite!!!!

Tora is pushing for a freedom of information act, fully aware this is a very very bad idea for shinobi buisness as a whole. Why?? Because when he was 10 the librarian laughed at him bc he asked to see one of the ninja books, then not even a minute later he saw another (clan) kid be given that same book with a smile and a wave.

He's bitter.

Basically: Tobirama but if Tobirama was actively pitted against his own system with a total 180° on how he sees the shinobi world as an outsider looking in instead of being born with it as his normal. Can you say potential??

Pivoting time !!

Danzo is actually his arch enemy, like on a personal grudge level, not even bc of the Uchiha or anything but specifically bc he keeps getting in the way of his research.

Tora tries to request some sealing papers bc hes running out in his experiments? Denied. Tries requesting permission to look through some sealing books in the library? Denied. He wants to look at the Nidaime's old research? Ha! Yeah, right. Get the fuck out of here kid. Don't come back.

Honestly Danzo isn't even being unreasonable, like, yeah. He's not gonna give Tobirama's notes to some random civilian kid. No shit.

But Tora takes it very personally bc he is a creature that runs on spite and tea. And he's all out of tea. Because he spent all his money on sealing paper bc the office won't fucking give him any more for free because Danzo told them to stop.

Tora is swimming in children. Where did they all come from. Who are these kids. Where are their parents. Do they need an older brother. Trick question too late he is their older brother now. There are no take backs.

"Self care" but it's coping with the traumatic deaths of your brothers in ur past life by aggressively collecting more

Do you think Tora looks at Tenzo and can feel the bits of Hashirama in him resonating with his soul? I think that when he sees the Mokuton in action for the first time he gets weirdly emotional and doesn't know why.

His forbidden knowledge allows him to help Tenzo w the Mokuton actually pass it on. Tenzo agrees not to ask any questions ab where and why he knows this (I think after a certain point, all of them learn to accept he just kinda knows stuff. Don't ask why. He will not answer.)

@kirabasai 🔄

imagine tora taking up a little field trip to t&i, bro is stuck there for HOURS like. "how do you know this SSS class rank state secret. are you a spy. are you an EXPERIMENT" and he gets tested at the hospital and everything but nothing turns up because he's just... A Dude. who just so happens to ALSO be senju tobirama reincarnated but nobody knows that.

at first they can excuse some things, like figuring out tobirama's jutsus as a glance as him being a genius and/or prodigy, but then you get to stuff like edo tensei or naruto's seals and THEN that's a concern, because there is nowhere he could have learned that. he probably ended up on danzo's radar pretty early on.

speaking of danzo, tobirama was said to be a HUGE chakra sensor. lowk imagining tora picking up on the Weird chakra coming from that dumb councilman's arms who won't let him access the niidaime's scrolls and research PLEASE— and being like huh that's Weird.

and then he's friends with kakashi. and itachi. and shisui. and recognizing that SAME chakra when their sharingans are activated and being like. OH THAT’S WEIRD.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

YESS !!

I feel like him finally landing in T&I (if he actually did end up there at least) would be like, a really big climax to his story. He is avoiding it at all costs!! He reaches a point where he recognizes he knows things he shouldn't and realizes it's gonna get him in HELLA trouble and resolves to keep his mouth shut

T&I is like this constant threat at the back of his head. His mind is the only thing truly 100% his and safe (when even his own body often times doesn't seem to truly be his) and the prospect of having someone violate his mind like that is just THE nightmare.

I think it'd actually take a lot to get fr slammed into T&I, especially for smthn as intense as a real mindwalk. But that doesn't stop the fear!! Fear isn't rational!! And he's fuckin scared man!!

His one weakness is his curiosity tho. He knows hes gonna have to keep quiet about what he knows, and he does!! He's so quiet!! He's so careful!!

But he can't just ignore the knowledge completely. He has to poke at the seals, adjust jutsu that was once his own, try his hand at unraveling or strengthening seals he has no buisness touching.

He just has to be careful is all!

Very, very careful.

I'm honestly a firm believer that Danzo keeps them eyes sealed up TIGHT w chakra dampeners n stuff. There's no way that guy wouldn't have been caught otherwise. Also he trained under Tobirama, he so inherited that good old Tobi paranoia. (Uchiha paranoia say what?)

Tora being such a good sensor that he actually notices the absence of chakra there tho. Like, he can tell something is being hidden bc he can't see the chakra naturally flowing through his face/arm where the bandages cover.

I don't know if Danzo actually has a whole arm of eyes before the massacre?? I was under the impression that most of those peepers came from that, but I've also seen conflicting stuff on that, so.

Personally I'm gonna say for this setting since they avoided the massacre, Danzo only has Kagami's eye in his head (tho is that canon ?? Also unsure, also-also: don't care)

Honestly I almost like Danzo having a single stolen eye more. Knowing the name and face of the man who's eye he stole feels heavier than a mass of faceless Uchiha cannon fodder who got fed into his arm at such an amount that it almost feels overblown. Like, you can't truly grasp the absoloute taboo he's committed bc he did so MUCH of it? If that makes sense?

Idk but yeah !!

Comments

@kirabasai

funnily enough there IS a fic where tobirama is reincarnated as sakura and is transmasc and the name he picks is to'ra

#the massive seal scroll is a free falling cancellation jutsu ;) #pardon the wrinkles of the clothes he's currently falling 30 or so stories so the winds going everywhere

@kirabasai honestly I think like Ive spotted it in the wild!! Never clicked it tho, but Ive also seen Tora floating around as a nickname for him in some fics. I think its cute!

@pinyuo

A little (non-rendered) doodle for @oh-no-its-bird 's Tora AU I've been thinking abt 😎

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

OHHHHH IM LOOSING MY MIND THIS IS SO COOL IM GONNA EXPLODE OH MY GOD ????

HES ??? HES SO ??????

YOURE SO FAST TOO WHAT THE FUCK

@chaosflame COME LOOK AT THE CHILD WE BIRTHED

#oh my god this is so cool #you drew him so cute Im losing it !!! #a free fall cancelation jutsu is actually so cool #suddenly I think his chakra affinities should be wind and water and he should regulalry like skateboard the winds w a custom seal #that lets him glide or smthn #teleportation is cool and all but its time to try out flying #tora haruno au #NO BUT THIS IS AWESOME #i was NOT expecting ?? this?? #jumpscared in the best possible way wtf #i was struggling so hard w drawing his outfit when I sketched him earlier too #this is just his official outfit now actually #sakura is crying over how simple it is #“Tora-nii you have no fashion sense!! let me dress you up!!!”

Big apology for the anon who asked me for smthn really specific only for me to pick up the prompt they gave me, flip it on its head, then run off in the opposite direction and into the woods with it for a like 4k word rant

Anonymous asked:

https://www.tumblr.com/oh-no-its-bird/754443694496792576/big-apology-for-the-anon-who-asked-me-for-smthn?source=share

bestie i am SO fucking blessed like my crops are watered and everything now. you've now instilled further brainrot in my stuff. last night i started a draft inspired by ur original response and i come on tumblr today to SEE YOU ADDED MORE im so grateful for the society i live in.

I am a farmer and my aus are my crops

And the Haruno Tora au is like an invasive mold I've chosen to ignore my actual crops to water instead

Mmmm. More Tora AU thoughts bc I can't get enough of how like a solid 60% of the obstacles Tora faces can be directly linked back to Tobirama

Tobirama, setting up different classification rankings and tons of hoops to jump through to get information: Oh?? You want to know something?? And you havent even filled in forms B39 through C60... Ugh. Try again next year, if you really need it that bad.

Tora, struggling to get so much as a sheet of paper from an outdated seal study that isn't even relevant anymore: I'm in hell. This is hell. This is my personal hell. And Senju Tobirama is the devil.

Tobirama accidentally created his own personal hell and doesn't even know it. Now THATS what we call irony.

Tobirama: I'm about to create a system that suppresses a minority so hard

Tora, now part of that minority:

Tora:

Tora: ok so this is karma, right.

@pinyuo 🔄

Not to hijack this post and flip it around, but i'm just imaging Tobirama as the village's main seals master, and him creating a system that is far more simple for the times/regulations in the current moment only for him to die suddenly, and the regulations just staying the same because of how rare sealing is and nobody bringing the issue up since such paperwork is basically never asked about/called upon to research.

Tora is clawing at the walls VERY pissed off because A) even though he's his own worst enemy Tora knows Tobirama would NEVER allow this to happen+he hates the fact that he knows this is true and B) some of these very niche procedures dont even exist anymore. The major protocols of the village have been changed over time and NOBODY IS WILLING TO FIX THIS!!!

(At least, that's until Minato I hope. But let's be honest the guys probably dead)

Anyways one of Tora's main goals is to now become a high enough rank to say "fuck you" to generally anyone and just. Fix everything that has been wronged over the time his previous reincarnation has died. He is prepared to go to court over why legislation B46-7ac2 For the security of shinobi sealing procedures is horseshit and he will kill a man (danzo) if necessary.

~~All apart of my master plan to write seals master of konoha Tora into my building plot~~😈😈

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

OHH BUT I LOVE THAT??

Tora is clawing his way up the administration ladder. He is a one man HOA. The desk shinobi cower before him as he slams down requests for ancient paperwork and quotes law books word for word at them to get exactly what he wants.

He is wrestling his way through the civilian council (not to be confused with the clan council, which is miles more powerful. The civilian council is pretty much treated like a joke, actually.) Forcing them all to group up and sign petitions and go on strike and be his new little minions (but they're also all like 3-4 times his age)

Tora is going to rip out the seal system in Konoha by the roots and violently replace it with a shiny new terrifying one. And hey, if him distrusting the seals unearths some secret hide ROOT hide outs,,, yknow,, I mean,,,

(You know when, as an artist, u find just like really old, really bad, super cringe art you made when you were like 13? And all ur friends are talking ab how nooo it's really good!! But you just sit there and suffer actual physical damage at the mere sight of it?

Tora every time he sees the half complete out of date barley functional seal system Tobirama wasnt able to finish before he died)

Comments

@kirabasai

tora becoming hokage again out of spite just to change all of senju tobirama's policies. the dramatic irony would bring me to tears.

@kirabasai Tora, violently ripping Tobirama's policies to shreds: "bastard had it coming"

Maybe it's true what they say. U are truly ur own worst enemy

To those asking if they can also have a go at the Tora AU even if someone else has already mentioned wanting to write for it :

owldork1998 asked:

Just wanted to say I adore all your au's but the idea of Tora and Shisui are sending me my two favorite boys interacting

They'd be so fun together!! I honestly think they'd have really good chemistry

I see them as one of those dynamics where people take turns looking at them and going "oh ok so HE'S the sane one, right?" but switching who they're talking about depending on the hour of the day. (The catch is neither of them is normal they're just so good at acting it that they've managed to trick even themselves)

They have to take turns being in charge in the trio with Itachi bc if either one of them is left in charge for long periods of time it inevitably goes to shit

They have a lot of genuine respect for each other (which is somewhat rare coming from Tora, who, while gives a lot of surface level respect to people bc ettiquite, doesn't actually tend to really respect a lot of people)

They have the perfect personalities to play off eachother as the "straight man" and point out when the other is being insane or just plain weird

Meanwhile, Itachi is looking at their individual crazy going "this is a perfectly normal idea told by two perfectly normal upstanding members of the community and I have no issues with anything u are saying right now"

<- which also makes Itachi the perfect tie breaker/in-between for them bc he is blind to any crazy they may say and will take them very seriously no matter how stupid or outlandish the idea proposed

I think Tora existing and kind of dragging Shisui into this dual partnership for "who's in charge" between the three of them also eases a lot of stress off of Itachi. He just has to sit there and eat his applesauce in the back seat of the car as Tora and Shisui argue ab how to take care of any given problem and occasionally ask if he has any ideas.

Personal take here: I don't think Itachi likes being in charge! That boy is a born, built, and bred shinobi who follows what he is told to a perfect T, no matter how blatantly horrifically awful the order is! Even if hates it with all of his heart! He'll still fucking do it! And then only blame himself for it and not the guy who fucking ordered it! Because he'll still obey that guy after!

Which also adds another fun layer of irony bc hes supposed to be clan head one day!

To me, Itachi is a fascinating subject of having an unshakable, unbreakable iron will— and also having absoloutley no spine

To be fair tho was also like. Fuckin 13. He was fucked up and was tricked at a very, very young age and unfortunatley that one mistake came to chain him to that one specific way of thinking. If he came to grow out of that way of thinking, he'd first have to admit he'd made a mistake, which wasn't gonna happen bc it was too late for regrets.

But anyways:

With Tora here Itachi has another "voice of reason" to help steer him away from other voices who might otherwise bind him. There isn't as much pressure on only him + Shisui to here and now choose what they (and only they) will choose to do to save the entire clan or Konoha

Tora is a natural leader and quick to take charge, and Itachi is ok with that. When Itachi chooses to speak, he is listened to carefully and his opinions are taken seriously, which is all he can ask for tbh. Otherwise he's allowed to sit there and look pretty till given a nice, neatly wrapped plan approved by 2 people he can really, truly trust.

So he's doing a bit better mentally than canon

Anyways, in this AU I think Itachi should actually get to semi-retire as a shinobi and actually Sasuke gets to be clan head bc his brother ain't built for it. Plus it can play more into the stuff I was talking ab earlier about Sasuke struggling a lot more than those around him to learn different stuff (sealing especially) only to come out as one of the most terrifying in what he eventually masters.

Let the second son inherit!! Let Sasuke have a defining character moment where he decides he wants to help guide the clan, and he's forced to kind of get over his brother worship to confront Itachi to say he doesn't think he'd make the best clan head. And Itachi let's out this sigh of relief he did not know he has been holding for his entire life and tells Sasuke he's proud of him.

Fuck right sorry we were talking about Tora and Shisui let's get back to that—

They're a terrifying, hyper competent duo who are here to get shit done. I've been thinking about Tora's chakra affinities latley, thinking it's mostly wind with a weak water affinity (and boy do I have thoughts about the implications of him having lost that strong connection to water in this life but that's for a different post) so his wind moves can feed into and off of Shisui's fire for some cool combo attacks. Just them fighting together really well in general is fun to think ab tbh

Tora has a decent (honestly kind of mean) sense of humor, but when he makes jokes he says it with a totally straight face. (Itachi is similar so when they're joking with eachother no one can ever tell bc neither are even laughing about it as they banter w dead faces)

But Shisui, having grown up with Itachi, can totally tell when he's joking and thinks he's funny. He's a pretty upbeat, smiley guy, but he always seems to be laughing about something around Tora for some reason (the reason is that Tora is funny you just can't tell)

Shisui is in general just really good at reading him. He catches on to what he's thinking really fast and will sometimes react to Tora's plans before he even explains them. Or he'll see some scattered clues to something and go "Hmm. This means nothing to me but it feels like something Tora would notice, so I'll make note of it"

I think over time both Shisui and Itachi would start to make similar expressions to Tora

(I love when friends subconsciously pick up on eachothers expressions and vocabulary)

Tora catches Shisui's "I'm going to cause problems on purpose" smile and Shisui catches his in turn. Tora catches Itachi's quietly smug gleam in his eye and Itachi gets his own (very punchable) smug smirk

Funny scene where Shisui makes the exact expression Tora always makes before declaring something terrifying and Kakashi instinctivley slaps him upside the head bc of it. Shisui goes ?????? What the fuck was that for ????? As Kakashi apologizes and stares at his own hand in confusion

Tora and Shisui are a comedy duo you can't change my mind

Anonymous asked:

I was re-reading your Hatake Kurumi fic and that, coupled with the recent knowledge of Tora Haruno AU, gave my brain a little friendship thought experiment between them haha.

Tora 🤝 Kurumi

"I'm gonna set Danzo on fire"

Does Tora count as a Naruto oc? I guess kind of? Technically? Either way I find it funny I have 2 naruto ocs and both are trans

#oh man this one got kinda long sorry #I considered Sai for ANBU but decided nah for similar reasons to team 7 #i think he maybe offered to join but Kakashi straight up told him no #Kakashi has thoughts and feelings ab people under a certain age joining ANBU #both as someone who once WAS that kid #but also as someone who saw and directly lead that kid (Itachi) and saw how fucking awful it was

Someone said Hokage Tora and now I'm thinking about what would need to happen to make that a reality.

Ok so we're gonna shuffle the Hokage's and their timelines around.

(Also note: at this point, Tora very sympathetic to the Uchiha bc of his relationships w Shisui Itachi and Sasuke)

So Sarutobi dies and people are going "oh noooo someone go and get Tsunade back"

And Tora gets PISSED.

They want another Senju to have the hat?? Are you fucking kidding him??? 2 in a row was bad enough but 3 sets a standard. Choose literally anyone else! Anyone!! Fucking Kakashi would make a better Hokage!!!

And then he stops.

Hmmm. Kakashi as Hokage.

That... wouldn't be too bad, actually?

Long story short: Tora starts to campaign for Kakashi as Hokage.

Kakashi does not appreciate this. Stop immediatley.

Tora is on the civilian council at this point (at the terrifyingly young age of like 17) and lowkey has them under his thumb. So he's able to get them all aboard, meaning Kakashi is officially civilian approved.

The Uchiha are into it to, with him lowkey being the closest they've been able to get to the seat since fucking Madara. He has one of their eyes, he's lead/taught both of the clan head kids, and hes visibly, publicly close to multiple Uchiha/Uchiha sympathizers (Itachi, Shisui, Tora)

He's the yodaime's student which gives him major points in the politics department, + he actually knows what it is like to be in the life of a Hokage, he has seen and been involved in that life firsthand

Hes also on good, personal terms with a few clan heads and solidly neutral terms w the other clans

His clan is innofensivley small (read: fucking wiped out) so there's no concern with biases of a guy coming from a specific clan, working w a bias for that clan

Perfect candidate!!

(Something something Kakashi quietly touching his eyelid and mumbling to Obito that he guesses he'll be able to show him even more of his dream than even he'd expected)

Danzo tries to intimidate him into not accepting it and while Kakashi does agree that he would be one of the worst options, the conversation kinda... leaves him a little less sure he'd really be the worst option.

Anyways, Kakashi as the godaime hokage!!

He hates it.

Tora Shisui and Itchi have to hunt him down the day of his ascension and fuckin wrestle him on stage (he's gonna go home and scream into his pillow later)

How would Naruto canon change with Kakashi as the Hokage so early?? Until this point, the au has mostly been sticking to the script (minus the Uchiha massacre) but this is a HUGE status quo change for a character decently central in the cast list, and it's a change that'd impact just about everything going forward! Don't ask me how exactly because I know very very little about the actual specifics and events of canon but holy shit it'd sure change the course of history, huh? If you wanna get really down to the nitty gritty technicalities, we could take serious liberties and kill off and or save several characters with the simple explanation of "different Hokage, different people assigned to different missions"

Anyways:

Team Ro gets to be his personal guards,, they need a replacement for the team since Kakashi left, maybe we can throw in someone else to join them and add some more chemistry in there

I don't think it'd be anyone on team 7 (I don't live in a world where I can see Kakashi tossing specifically THEM in ANBU that young, no matter how more powerful or better taught than cannon, sorry) also conflicting interests w THREE uchiha on a team or the Haruno siblings. Also, Naruto is Naruto, so. *political noises*

Actually the slot is a very valuable one since they're basically Kakashi's special little guys (anbu eddition) so it's really hard to think of a character that'd even conceivably be put on it. (Part of me wants to add Neji for literally no reason other than I suddenly want him in the AU but that'd bring a whole mountain of implications with him if Kakashi chose HIM specifically to join his personal guard + he's suddenly in ANBU, what??)

Wait would Kakashi even choose the replacement personally.

Wait wait ok. Record scratch. Rewind. Let's try this again.

So. With Kakashi's promotion, Tora gets to he team leader. One of the first things he's told is to find a new replacement for the team

"Shouldn't you do that yourself?" Says Tora

"You've got me to take the hat I refuse to move so much as a single fucking finger more at your request." Says Kakashi, who then delights in bodily removing Tora from the room via the window.

I don't know Neji's actual age but for the sake of this fic he's suddenly Tora's age or only a year younger (Tora is like 17 at this point)

Him and Neji do not get along!! At all!!!! Actually it was kind of hate on sight.

Uhh insert montage where they become grudgingly almost friends but still mostly frenemies

Neji is very talented and Tora is frustrated by how he seems to be being "held back" in some way. Like, he doesn't like the guy! But damn if he doesn't know how it feels to have the system itself fighting you, no matter how good you prove you are and how hard you work.

Anyways, Tora finding out Neji was skipped over and denied for different promotions or smthn bc hyuuga second class or whatever.

And him going "hmmmmmmmmm...."

He hands Kakashi a form with Neji's name on it and Kakashi signs without even looking.

When he scowls and asks if he's even going to look, Kakashi just gives him a dry look.

"Like I dont know whoever you've picked won't be for whatever plot you're cooking up next. Just don't set anything on fire where I can see it and I don't care."

A very, very confused Neji is suddenly told he's not only going to join ANBU but also the Hokage's private guard.

Hey Tora !! What the fuck !!!

They have one of those "You don't even like me??" "I don't have to like you to want to see how far you can go." moments

Queue Neji angrily revealing that it doesn't matter "how far he can go" or how many opportunities are afforded to him bc his limits are fuckin branded on him, and shows Tora his seal mark

Hey Neji !! What the fuck !!!

Hyuuga reformation arc,,,

Ok so not sympathetic Hiashi Hyuuga but like,, rational (deeply fucking flawed) person Hiashi who is able to leverage the "Neji has been ordered to work directly the Hokage" @ the Hyuuga clan elders to at least slightly loosen the seal on him.

TONNS of political drama in the Hyuuga house w Neji being chosen for such a huge position, but w the complications of "they can't fucking voice it outloud" bc ANBU identities are supposed to be super top secret, so it's kept to the really high ranks only

(There's an AU of an AU out there where instead of stopping the Uchiha coup, Tora went "ok but are they wrong tho", decided to help instead, and got the Hyuuga lower cast to join them)

(Look he wants to reform the government, right? Ok so why SHOULDNT he support an attempt to rip it up by the roots?? The Uchiha want equality but Tora wants reformation. They do not know what they just let into their homes.)

What the fuck did I come here to talk about again?

Right, sorry, Hokage Tora

Uhhhh pivoting again here we go ->

So Kakashi is Hokage!!! And he !! Wants !! Out !!!

Tora is a very very clear contender for "the next Hokage", even early on in Kakashi's career. He's basically the guy who MADE Kakashi Hokage (both arranging it and forcing him to accept) and most important people know it.

I'm ngl I kind of don't know how exactly we'd get to hokage Tora.

Maybe Kakashi is temporarily taken out of commission and he's just the obvious replacement. Maybe we do a proper Hokage switch and promote him when Kakashi got the job in the original. Dunno! But Tora for Rokudaime all the way !!

If not Tora I think Rokudaime Neji could be suitably dramatic and fun. Also has similar themes of "rising from the lower ranks against the odds" and just in general tons of interesting implications both politically and like,, character interaction wise.

Everyone expects Tora for the next hokage but Tora decides he likes being the powerful guy in the shadows to a Hokage who knows both how to listen to him and how to lead with a strength and surety he can trust. And decides Neji is apparently that guy who has the leadership and wisdom he can trust.

Callback to the earlier moment where Neiji, voice cracking, goes "you don't even like me."

And Tora gives him a smirk and goes "I don't have to like you to want to see see how far you can go."

Mmmm actually I think I like that ending best, it has the most weight to me. Like, yeah Tora as Rokudaime is cool and a kind of ironic "full circle" moment, but Neji as Rokudaime has that gut punch energy that will leave your skin buzzing and your eyes tearing up if written right

Have to get going but I might try to draw that scene tommorow if I find the energy in me after work (doubtful tbh)

I love a good call back through dialogue in different character defining moments that leave you pointing at the screen shrieking "HE SAID THE THING!!"

Tora!AU Kakashi becoming Hokage early instead of Tsunade

Somewhere out there Obito is letting out a scream into his pillow very very loudly

@kdjojo 🔄

Deidara is probably ripping his hair and ears out from tobis screaming all night long.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

YELLING BECAUSE I WANTED TO HAVE SOMEONE BEING ANNOYED BY HIS SCREAMS BUT DIDNT KNOW WHO SO I SHRUGGED AND JUST DIDNT BUT DEIDARA IS PERFECT

Deidara my beloved,,, he is entering the au now.

If for whatever convoluted reasons Deidara was able to meet Tora, I think Deidara would fucking hate him actually (Tora is neutral to mild dislike) Shisui thinks hes funny actually and gets to be the only Uchiha Deidara can somewhat tolerate

owldork1998 asked:

It has occurred to me not only I'd Glitter and Gold a naruto song its a very Tora au song like come on

"Do you walk in the valley of kings?

Do you walk in the shadow of men

Who sold their lives to a dream?"

Ur brain is literally so big

I have fun with the silliness of the AU but then I actually sit down and think about it for a bit and begin to vibrate at the thought of the narrative weight of it

It's one of those "the laws made and people in charge were good for the time, but this is no longer that time, and the standards are no longer the same" situations

But it's the same guy in both times !! It's literally just the same guy!! But in each version, his standards are "up to date" with the time period!! That's so cool!!! He is pitted against a system he created in a past life that no longer fits the society that grew around it, and because he is who he is, he resolves to change it!!!

Idk I'm just so in love with the themes of how we as a society change over time and how sometimes a hard reset and fresh eyes is really whats needed to keep us as a civilization growing. The young are the future, even as they carry parts of the old with them!

Quite literally, in Tora's case

Anonymous asked:

thoughts because of your recent anon ask, Tora meeting said wet chihuahua that is called Obito in his timeline vs Tora meeting Madara in Team Ro time travel to the WS era idea

just a thought

I think that Tora meeting Obito is just like. It's on SIGHT actually. Like aside from the whole "this guy is an enemy of konoha and the Uchiha specifically who I now have an investment in like, not seeing dead" his personality as Tobi feels to me like someone who'd for sure get on Tora's nerves, especially considering Tobi often tries to deliberately get on the nerves of everyone around him.

Obito specifically I can see him hypothetically getting along with (with some luck) if he were to behave for like 5 seconds (physically impossible)

Tora is Kakashi's friend slash ANBU junior slash kind of brother slash kind of child he collected (and Tora collected him in turn) so I think he'd actually get INCREDIBLY mad about Obito for Kakashi's sake. Especially if he catches onto the stalking and stuff. Get the fuck away from kakashi!!!

Tora is suddenly tapping into that 'overprotective big brother' energy and directing it at a very confused Kakashi who, while he appreciates the sentiment, needs him to stop immediatley actually. Maybe it can be a minor conflict between them? Kakashi appreciates the sentiment but like, this is his own battle and Tora needs to respect that!

Tora thinks Obito is annoying and pathetic and that Kakashi can do SO much better and he wants to see him dead and buried.

Obito thinks Tora is annoying and annoying and ANNOYING and gets more mad about it with every plot he has that Tora inadvertently throws a wrench in. The final straw comes w Tora calling him out for his fucked up yandere ass puppy crush on Kakashi, which Obito is in very deep denial about and does not appreciate having pointed out!!!

Actually suddenly Tora has to die just for that.

Obito comes back to Akatsuki HQ suddenly way more motivated to kill Tora and Zetsu is asking him what got him so excited for it and he just narrows his eyes and goes "he knows too much." in a dangerous tone.

And Zetsu is like "!!!! Omg he knows our plans??" But no he just knows Obito is horny for Kakashi and Obito has to get rid of him before he fucking TELLS HIM

(It's ok even if he told Kakashi he wouldn't believe it)

Uhhhh story arc where they use Kakashi as a honey pot distraction for Obito and Kakashi doesn't think it'll work but it does and he wants to die about it

Hmmmm Tora and Madara huh

There's so many ways that could go actually I'm almost conflicted

If Tora meets him in canon as the normal story goes, it's hate on sight. The situation is perfect to dig up old feelings from a past life, but even without that he just hates the guy. He's an enemy. He's killed some of Tora's friends. He's tried to kill even more.

But team ro time travel plot Tora oooo

I think off the bat, he has similar views as Tenzo and Kakashi. Madara's betrayal was a thing that happened, but he's only ever learned about it through history books (unlike Itachi and Shisui who grew up on stories using him as an example of the worst of them) so he's largley neutral.

There's some odd twisting of his gut when he thinks about the man, some half remembered betrayal from another life, but it's buried with time as he grows up without reason to think about him. (Though in the canon future it'd return with a vengeance when "proven right" about him as an enemy)

They time travel to before Izuna's death so Madara is a lot more stable when they interact, though Tora still can't ever truly escape this lingering, twisting discomfort when he looks at him.

Despite being best friends with two Uchiha and regularly interacting with even more, Tora can never seem to bring himself to meet either Madara or Izuna's eyes.

He doesn't even know why himself.

Another interesting note ab Tora on team ro time travel is just the fucking dejavu thatd be beating him over the head the entire adventure. He's having a time!!! That's for sure!!! He can't take 4 fucking steps in any goddamn direction or conversation without feeling like there's something deeply wrong with him!

If there's a future where he realizes he's the reincarnation of tobirama it'd be well into his late teens, and since he's Itachi's age at the time of this adventure he'd be like 12/13. So he has NO idea that he was Tobirama in a past life and is deeply affected in a mostly negative way by the fucking past life car sickness effect

Tora gets hit w the time travel beam *gestures vaguely towards the "team ro time travel to warring states era but make it Tora AU team ro" post*

And gets mistaken for a bastard senju kid and missing brother of Tobirama bc of the resemblance. But also using the same logic I used w Itachi of the "the only people allowed to draw the connection are people who personally knew Tobirama when he was Tora's age (which, if sticking to the original team ro prompt, would be like 12) so only like. The founders + Touka get to make that conclusion

Him 🤝 Tenzo -> getting mistaken for a Senju and getting lots of hugs from Hashirama that make them Feel Things (TM)

People are telling Tora he's probably a bastard kid and he's making deliberate eye contact w that one time he tried to break into the senju compound and was kicked out bc the gates keyed into senju blood specifically. He's pretty sure he's not a senju guys. Trust him. Really.

Mmmm ok but actually taking it seriously, how would Tora affect the team ro dynamics in that specific adventure? In my original post I went really in depth on what each character thinks of their situation + the founders, so would that change at all?

On top of that, since it's a few month before the Uchiha coup, it's also peak Itachi-Tora-Shisui chaos hours as they plot to stop it

I think it's mostly the same, tho maybe Tora's general affect on Itachi means he isn't quite so much in the "Hey what if we just kill Madara. What then." boat

But also I can see the opposite, with maybe Itachi instead getting Tora on the "Hey what if we kill Madara in his sleep" boat

Shisui can sense the "Tora and Itachi are doing something alarming" button being slammed in the room over and investigates

Oh my god worst possible outcome: they get Shisui on board too. I can see it tbh, they were looking for ways to avoid the coup and the possible village retaliation and like hey !!! Opportunity they sure as fuck won't be getting anywhere else!!!

Plus like, play into the "Itachi rarley offers his own opinion bc he trusts Tora and Shisui to be in charge, but when he does offer it he's listened to"

Well he sure did offer his opinion!! And he sure is being listened to!!!

They actually all just feed into eachothers stress and decide that yes. To avoid the Uchiha coup and or possible village retaliation (they dont know the massacre is on the board yet but suspect smthn similarly bad), this is the best choice to make.

It turns into Kakashi having to talk them all down (whether he does so in time or not is debatable)

They get stopped, obviously, (tho actually commiting to killing off Madara like that would be very funny) and Madara assumes it was Tora's idea bc hes a clear leading figure in the trio and the other two are Uchiha. Tora is willing to take the fall for his friend, but Itachi is not

Itachi has a whole breakdown and bursts into awful messy tears for the first time since his father took him out to a battlefield as a child.

It's a whole thing and everyone is horrified (Tora and Shisui especially but even Madara + whoever else was there are cringing awkwardly at the sight of a previously blank faced little kid just. Loosing it.)

Itachi confesses to it being his idea and, at this point we're past the time travel reveal, explains he just needs to make sure Madara doesn't freak the fuck out and inevitable fuck over the entire Uchiha clan w a shitty reputation that haunts him for years to come

Madara is horrified what the fuck

Also INCREDIBLY demoralized ab the village now, what do you MEAN he fucking left it what do you MEAN originally Izuna died (they were keeping them in the dark ab everything future-wise other than just the fact that the village existed but this kind of forced the lid off that pot)

Also note: Kakashi !! Was !! Not !! Aware of this !!! Holy shit kids !!!!!!

They end up having a whole Thing(tm) about how look even if Madara one of the causes of their shit reputation,,, it can't all be traced back to and blamed on one man. That's not how politics work you guys.

(Queue shocked Pikachu faces and disbelief of three teenagers)

Kakashi, having his own special front row seats to the Konoha politics and rumor mill + yondaime's student + experience with facing the worst of it bc of his dad, giving them some sort of speech about scapegoats and politics and the soul crushing realities of systematic oppression and blame

It's a learning experience.

Anonymous asked:

your Tora drawing of him cutting off his hair with his mother in the back “advising” NOT to do it reminds me so much of Sakura during her own battle in the Forest of Death where she cuts her own hair.

Like, its a rite of passage for both of them, that they both cut away from the idea of what they should be to become someone they desperately want to be.

Tora to be a shinobi that HE wants to be with scars displayed freely and to impact a change to do better for this village

Sakura a teammate and a strong shinobi that can stand up by herself with bloody knuckles and a determination to be strong

I have nothing to add to this bc its perfect as is !!! Ur literally so right actually and I love character parallels and full circle stuff

Anonymous asked:

Sakura and Sasuke's dynamic after Sasuke insults Tora

Sasuke: *breathes*

Sakura: L + ratio + skill issue + your brother sucks + suck my dick + my brother is better + you can't read + your chakra control is shit + boykisser (derogatory) + girls better

Sasuke just got 99% less attractive to Sakura with that one single insult, invertedly changing the course of history as we know it (the world will never be the same)

Tora au Sai is actually just the demented love child of Tora (stone faced bastard with a bad sense of humor) and Shisui (smiling bastard with an even worse sense of humor)

I think Shisui would pick him up by the scruff and adopt him, he deserves some 1 on 1 attention in this au and Shisui will be good for him

owldork1998 asked:

For the ask game:

In the shadow of men (who sold their lives to a dream)

You know exactly what you're doing huh

From this ask meme

Haruno Tora is 9 years old, civilian born, and already better at this whole 'ninja thing' than even some of his teachers.

The other kids call him a freak, his teachers call him a genius, his parents call him a dissapointment, and his little sister calls him her hero; And to him, that last title is the only one that matters.

Haunted by knowledge of a life he can no longer remember living, Tora fights against a system made by the man he once was.

Or, Senju Tobirama reincarnates as Haruno Tora. This goes about as well as you'd expect for everyone involved.

150k words, spanning ages 9 - 19

Continues in Chapter 73

Notes:

I originally posted this as a fic in itself, but the self-doubt got me so I'm putting it here instead actually.

Chapter 36: obkk prompts ^squared

Summary:

This one is actually 3 individual obkk or obkk adjacent things, they were all really short and kind of carry a similar energy so Im shrugging and tossing them all in here together

Chapter Text

Fic where Konoha intel somehow find out that a high ranking Akatsuki member is unreasonably horny for Kakashi, and Kakashi gets to go on the most painful honey pot mission of his life w Tobi as his target

Bonus points if the intel is thinking Obito is Madara, like he's always pretending to be

Good morning Kakashi, you got a special mission to go seduce Uchiha Madara, no that is not a joke I'm so sorry ur literally THE only person we can ask to do this

Whether Kakashi has done honey pot missions before or this is his first is up for debate but either way it's sure to be an experience for both him and Obito

#tosses this one out into the wild like its fish bait #someone write this I dont want to #I lovvveee when theres so clearly like a hundred and one things happening in the characters minds #and literally everything comes paired with SO many implications #that its impossible to read a single action without acknowledging what it might mean

Ok so darker fic idea than usual:

Fic where Madara got edo tensei'd early, and bc reasons and situations we don't care about, Obito is somehow keeping Kakashi around to fuck with and torture to vent

Madara is offered to use him to destress too (probably in a power play by Obito in a controlled sort of "see, I can pass you off to be hurt by others" move) but says no— till he actually see Kakashi's face. Unfortunately for Kakashi, he's a dead wringer for Tobirama without the mask (gestures towards my favorite hc of them being directly related)

Suddenly, Madara changes his mind.

He has Kakashi dress up like Tobirama (Kakashi is going THROUGH it in his head, this is so weird) then fucks him up real good while pretending he's Tobirama (super normal u guys Madara's head is absoloutley in a healthy place rn don't you worry about it)

Obito probably gets hit w that instant regret of "FUCK I don't know if I like seeing him get roughed up by literally anyone other than me actually" but it's too late bc now Madara is having fun and wants to try again later (you better hide your dog Obito)

My favorite obkk take, or not even obkk specifically really but in general Kakashi and Obito take, is that no matter how much Obito hates Kakashi or crazy he gets, he will NEVER regret or allow anyone to undermine his choice to give him his eye. That was HIS choice to make, HIS eye to give, and fuck Kakashi but he will keep Obitos gift to him— a literal part of himself, half of his own soul if you believe Uchiha myths on their souls being stored in their eyes —in him.

Fic where Kakashi for some reason loses Obito's eye (bloodline hunters / enemy nin / orochimaru(??)) And Obito descends upon the thief with an ungodly sort of fury then replants the eye into a still delusional w pain Kakashi's skull.

Maybe throw in some tight grip on his face, hissed threats of "don't you fucking dare lose this again you worthless dog"'s and threatening light presses of his thumb against his eyelid as Kalashi lays there and looks like he's having some sort of religious experience while still partially out of his mind from the drugs they gave him for the surgery

Chapter 37: Izuna lives AU Izuna gets zapped to modern Konoha and has a time

Chapter Text

Normal 'Izuna survives' au but he gets isekaid into canon founders era and doesn't notice for a week (everyone is convinced he's a ghost)

He literally lives in the same house as Madara but Madara acts like this is normal bc hes been hallucinating so this is clearly just another hallucination

He only realizes smthn is wrong with Tobirama sees him and immediatley goes "what the FUCK" and suddenly everyone is going "oh god you can see him too????"

Izuna is on a quest to convince people he's not a hallucination (it's a losing battle)

Realistically tho, in that era, wouldn't it be more believable that Izuna is a ghost / somehow came back to life than fucking dimension travel?

Cearly the ghost of Izuna just doesn't realize hes died (common enough in ghost lore)

Tobirama is the only one who believes Izuna bc he has the brain cells to think ab dimension travel / time and space jutsu

POV Madara starts to convince Izuna he's actually a ghost. Maybe... he did die? And he just doesn't remember?? Oh god is he a ghost??? Is he dead????

Tobirama is standing by watching this shit happen with a look of disgust on his face (I'm sorry Tobi the stupidity is genetic)

Madara really said gaslight gatekeep girlboss, starting with yourself first

@beatriceportinari :

hashirama is trying to be compassionate and get him to move on and izuna just. stays there (bc he's not a ghost)

hsrm so desolate abt it

tbrm he won't move on 😦 what if he's stuck forever 😦

SORRY IM JUST PICTURING LIKE HASHIRAMA AND MADARA DOING A FULL EXORCISM LIKE OUTFITS AND SAGE BURNING AND HITTING THE DRUMS AND ALL AS IZUNA STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THEM LIKE 🧍‍♂️

Tobirama is standing nearby watching this shit happen fully aware Izuna isn't dead but no one will listen to him so !!! Might as well watch the show

@fashionredalert :

Izuna standing there like

IT LOOKS LIKE HES WAITING PATIENTLY FOR IT TO WORK PLS

Tweak it slightly to turn it into a happy ending where they get to keep him bc he eventually has to go back home: there was no dimension travel, for some reason he survived or was revived (zetsu interference gone wrong?? Or right ig, for Izuna)

He fr came back to life/survived but everyone's convinced he's a ghost and are trying to lay him back to rest

@mengfm :

The idea of people trying to re bury him is so funny. Left and right he’s trying to avoid having funeral rights just said to him

PLS YESS

montage where they make him lay down in a coffin and he's just laying there fidgeting like "this feels weird is it working yet"

@beatriceportinari :

noooo asdfghjh he's letting them do it'

maybe i should be dead yeah' izuna!!!

"No I saw you die"

"Ok convincing argument I guess" -Izuna, apparently

@mengfm :

I know there’s that trope about the Uchiha burning the bodies with funeral rites could you image…Bro having to run away from Madara trying to burn him alive to lay him to rest again

@fashionredalert :

IZUNA GET ON THE FUNERAL PYRE

@mengfm :

ITS TIME TO BURN!!!

Izuna running through the village with rope ties around his hands as he runs

@fashionredalert :

ZUNA STOP SCREAMING AND LET THE FIRE DO ITS JOB

THEY TRY TO DO IT BUT IZUNA GETS TWITCHY AS THE FLAMES DRAW CLOSER THEN JUMPS OFF THE PIRE

"IZUNA COME BACK!!"

"NO I CHANGED MY MIND"

"THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD"

Madara is chasing Izuna through the streets with a lit torch as Izuna screams about wanting to try a different way and Madara screams about how it'll work if he just STAYS STILL

(Hashirama looks out his window and asks Tobirama if he just saw Izuna running through the streets and Tobirama tells him to stop making shit up to get out of work)

@instant-bull :

JSDNJNFSDJNSDFKSNDJF HASHIRAMA THIS WON'T SAVE YOU FROM THE PAPERWORK

@mengfm :

That’s just a lack of sleep hallucination back to work!!!

Madara trying to burn his brother alive isn’t real!

@instant-bull :

"You'll get used to them" Tobirama waved his hand, the years of insomnia experience making him sound particularly knowledgable

@mengfm

Hashirama’s already moukoton scrambled brain is going to feel even more insane. This is not helping his sanity

@instant-bull

Hashirama starts to believe he sees into some alternate timeline or the past or whatever that shit was

HASHIRAMA ON HIS OWN INSANITY KICK BELIEVING HE CAN SEE INTO ALTERNATE TIMELINES

The ending is literally just Tobirama hitting everyone over the head with a rolled up newspaper and yelling that they're all stupid, going "HES alive. YOURE not hallucinating. and YOU can not see into other dimensions!"

Only sane person in Konoha

(Then in the epilogue he goes home and has his own regular hallucinations of his dead brothers)

Parts of todays AU are brought to u with the help of @instant-bull @mengfm @fashionredalert and @beatriceportinari, everyone say thank you to them

Chapter 38: Kakashi and Hatake HC ^squared

Chapter Text

I do actually think that the funniest combination of headcanons is the usual sort of "dogteeth Kakashi / wolf clan Hatake where they have some minor bloodline limit themed around wolves and being wild / there's probably a diet of raw meat involved to be healthy" but like. Plus the hc that Kakashi doesn't like meat.

Especially so as a kid.

The slow but steady (who am I kidding it happened alarmingly fast actually) downfall of the Hatake clan and their bloodline limit largley in part bc as a kid, Kakashi refused to eat anything but vegetables and fish. And then once his dad died he had no one to tell him that red meat was "good for a growing Hatake" so he just. Continued not to eat it. All through the most important years of growing up when the bloodline limit would have been really being developed in him

I love the take that it's tradition for the Hatake to name their kids after garden things/tools, but I fucking forgot ab it when naming background Hatake's to exist in Chasing Shadows and One Step Three Steps (both of which kind of exist in the same little bubble of Hatake lore)

So I'm pivoting and in those fics saying that actually, it's NOT a Hatake tradition— or at least it wasn't

By pure chance, both Sakumo and the old woman Hatake (the only other one to avoid their clan being wiped out) who raised him were both named after garden things. And Sakumo just. Kind of assumed it was a tradition.

Like, no one ever told him it was?? He just kinda pieced that together himself is all

And I mean no one was around to argue, so !!!

It is a real Hatake tradition now tho, bc like, Kakashi believes it to be one and he's the only real Hatake left, so.

@kirabasai 🔄

i think it would be rlly funny if he's constantly craving meat but he's like blegh no i hate meat!! only for the cravings to get so bad he accidentally BITES SOMEBODY and they can't be like "ayo come get ur dog" because there's nobody to come get him except maybe minato

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Love this especially as a really picky eater myself, even if u one day decide to try that thing you've been so sure you dislike for years, you will REFUSE to try it out of spite. Its been too long, you've spent too much time loudly protesting having even a bite. If you give in now They(tm) win. It's a spite thing.

Kakashi is getting hit in the face with meat cravings but fucking refuses to give in bc no fuck you he already said he doesn't like it!!! If he eats it now then Minato (who's been trying to get him to try some for years now) wins!!!

He only finally gives in and tries some years later, once everyone is dead and gone, and there's no one left to tease him for finally trying a bite.

It's good.

Quickly growing personal favorite hc that Kakashi wears a mask is that there's a concept of a "puppy mask" in the Hatake clan, where when their young are growing up and adjusting to their powerful senses, they'll often wear a mask to help avoid being overwhelmed by smell (and also to discourage biting people) They're supposed to grow out of it and eventually stop using it, but after Sakumo died Kakashi didn't exactly have someone to tell him he was old enough to start going without it— so he just never did. It probably became a comfort item along the way too, so even if he's fine not wearing it, it just feels weird to go without it. Bad weird.

<- now take that and toss it into literally any time travel fic where Kakashi interacts w other Hatake from the past, and he's being ruthlessly made fun of for still wearing a puppy mask

The REAL real reason Kakashi wears a mask while also looking normal is actually bc Hatake's are supposed to have fangs, and he's really embarrassed by the fact he doesn't have them

Face reveal but he's just a dude and when someone points out he looks normal he just goes "no need to rub it in :,("

He's extra mad and insecure ab it bc his mom was an Inuzuka he should have been born with double the fang action but got NONE. What a freak, am I right?

Chapter 39: ANBU Naruto ask

Chapter Text

Anonymous asked:

Hear me out when I say ANBU!Naruto — <gets shot>

Desperatley trying to remember which fic I saw an ANBU Naruto take I really liked but it refuses to come to me

Here's my take tho: ANBU Naruto would fucking SUCK at his job actually. He's too close to Kakashi as the Hokage, and Tenzo is probably his team leader. He's super comfortable with breaking the rules and probably accidentally blurts out that he made ANBU within 5 minutes of seeing Sasuke and Sakura. Or like. Literally any of his friends. Big no-no.

He's great at like, the actual stuff they do, he's strong, he's fast, he can be sneaky if he really really tries— but he's just not built for it. He's loud and constantly breaking the ANBU rules bc "ehhhh it's fine, Sensei will take it easy on me, right Sensei? <3"

And Kakashi has to put his face in his hands and remind himself that the only reason he made Naruto was to keep him on a slightly tighter leash (the leash will never be tight enough he WILL find ways to cause problems no matter how hard Kakashi tries to physically prevent him from doing so)

He's teeechnically ANBU but like. Half of its for show. Everyone in the inner circle of Konoha politics knows who he is, the secret got out in like the first week. Never stood a chance.

He's probably on Kakashi's Hokage guard, maybe Sasuke can join him for attonment or whatever.

Kakashi putting Naruto into ANBU and making him his guard just to keep a closer watch on him, just like his Sensei did for him once.

Added irony because part of why Kakashi was so good at the job starting out was because he watched his sensei do the job up close from his post as guard. (And later Tsunade depending on your headcanons)

And now here he is doing the same thing but teaching Naruto to be Homage on purpose

Chapter 40: twins Itama and Tobirama, and the secret Senju weed empire

Summary:

You guys can not comprehend how much I fucking love this one oh my god

Chapter Text

#give him a wind chakra attribute and a pipe and smoke for a weapon for extra comedy

Official bird Itama design just dropped !! I subscribe to the "one of his eyes are red" train 100% it's very fun to draw

I like to hc him as having a personality somewhere between Hashirama and Tobirama, he's very friendly and smile-y and harmless looking but he's just as sharp and willing to fuck you up as either of his brothers— possibly more.

Also maybe make him Tobirama's twin for flavor,,

Now that I've figured out a way to draw him fr I can finally do art for him in the magical girl Izuna au, so prepare yourselves for that

@obitoslover 🔄

ITAMA MY BOY!!!

the original todoroki shouto

Love the depressive + ~~stoner~~ chill face he has

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

It's the Senju way.

The real reason Hashi got so many clans to join Konoha is bc the Senju just have the best weed pass it on

"He's so charismatic" no he's just their weed dealer

Why do u think he talks ab peace and love all the time

Senju weed empire I'm gonna fucking cry actually

Ok but you know how people have pointed out before that the Senju are noticeably better equipped with armor and stuff than the Uchiha, and how that + some other background crumbs implies they're a lot better off financially?

It's the fucking weed money

The secret senju weed empire money

Tobirama is that one guy who's like, CONCERNINGLY functional while high, to the point you can't even tell when he is (bc he is all the time)

Where did u think he got the idea for breaking time and space and raising the dead n shit from .

@obitoslover 🔄

You get it. Tobirama is high all the time, it's silly to think Hashirama is the only stoner here.

Maybe that's how the peace treaty actually went, Hashirama gave Madara weed and he went calm for the first time in his life

@evilkitten3 🔄

the real reason tsunade is always drinking is bc the weed empire collapsed just before she was born and now she has to rebuild it herself

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

It isn't "Tsunade-hime" bc she inherited the title from Mito, it's bc she's the weed empire's last standing princess (and hope)

Twins Tobirama and Itama time traveling to early Konoha

Kawarama already died, and Hashirama recently befriended Madara, so he's been accidentally ignoring the twins, busy with his new friend— making them even more painfully codependent.

Tobirama and Itama are actually tiny troublemakers, they do silly little pranks then blame them on other people. And no one ever believes it was them bc Tobirama is "too serious for something so childish", and Itama bc he just has one of those good, soft boy, "never done a single thing wrong ever in his life" faces

Let them actually have been training to be a little fighting duo, and they're good enough at it that their father has been encouraging the codependency. (Till ofc, on the first mission he got sent out alone on, Itama dies)

-> which also adds to the "I should have been there with him, if I had been there I could have saved him" guilt older Tobirama has. Bc if he had been there, maybe he really could have saved Itama. They were meant to fight as a duo, and Itama wasn't as prepared to fight alone as he should have been.

Anyways just tiny twins Tobirama and Itama in early Konoha. Probably bc of a seal gone wrong on older Tobirama's part

@kirabasai 🔄

no because this is FOUL. the crushing realization that itama doesn't live past 10 and isn't there for this timeline's tobirama. that same tobirama seeing a literal ghost and physical reminder he's missing his other half. itama not even being properly upset, just a simple resigned "oh.." because he KNOWS any one of them could die/could have died; he accepts his lack of a future because it's the reality of what can happen in a war. a part of him is grateful that at least tobirama got to grow up.

kid!tobirama is actually gutted. you could argue he seems more upset than itama. i think he would be very angry at adult!tobirama as well, because he may be like. a genius. but he's still a kid. he yells and yells at adult!tobirama, screaming at him asking why does itama die, why did you let him die, we're supposed to have his back. this ofc makes adult!tobirama feel even WORSE.

extra cookies if tobirama and itama promised each other to die together for more angst since they didn't die together.

kid!tobirama probably decides at one point he's going to make sure itama doesn't die. cue adult!tobirama scrambling to hide away all of his research notes because those are things no 10 year old should have access to!! (he hides the edo tensei stuff w the highest priority because he Knows that it shouldn't exist but when itama died he was willing to try Anything to bring him back. in a perfect timeline where itama doesn't die + other circumstances, edo tensei doesn't exist! sadly this is not that timeline.)

itama meanwhile is actually having fun! you know that one meme w the pink house next to the black one? tobirama's experience in this time travel field trip is the black house while itama's experience is the pink house. the vibes switching between itama and tobirama's povs are literal whiplash. he's like a little tourist oohing and aahing at everything that's changed or anything new. hashirama prolly spoils him because he feels guilty that he was somewhat distant leading up to itama's death (because he was being friends w madara meeting at the river).

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

OUGHH THEM PROMISING TO DIE TOGETHER THATS EVIL

after Kawarama died alone they refuse to let each other die alone too, and this adventure will only reinforce that </3

From here on out Im calling kid Tobirama Tobi and adult him Tobirama for clarities sake ->

Itama and Tobi are snooping the FUCK out of Tobirama's lab. Tobi is absolutely going "well its MY lab and MY research, so that means I have the right to see it." And Itama gets that right too bc Tobi can not imagine a world where he wouldnt share his research with him

The twins are climbing all over Hashirama actually, Hashi is walking around with one draped over either of his shoulders (they're having fun, Itama more visibly than Tobi who probably pretends to think this is silly and dumb but is also having a ton of fun)

This is set in an Izuna lives AU bc I love Izuna, and he is the victim of 90% of their silly little pranks because they think his screams are funny. (Hashi and Madara are the victim of the other 10%)

Tobi and Itama getting Tobirama to help them with one of their pranks, when Tobirama hasn't actually done a prank like that since Itama died. He probably just kind of watches quietly at first (absolutely going through it mentally) and doesn't really contribute, leaving the reader to wonder if he even wants to (he does he's just also busy going through the 9 circles of hell in his mind) Then at the end when Izuna singles out the twins to blame for who put glitter and dye in his shampoo, Tobirama swoops in to be their alibi because "Do you really think I'd do something so childish, at any age?"

Hashi also not knowing it was Tobirama and Itama who did all those pranks at that age (bc he also fell for them blaming others, usually Kawarama who was a bit of a trouble maker on his own) and learning it was them and just kinda. Having a moment

The twins become surprisingly fond of Madara and use his giant poof ball of hair to hide at least once for comedy

Madara watching Itama especially, feeling nostalgic for his own siblings. He thinks that they might have gotten along with Itama, and its making him feel things

#im getting more and more itached to Itama by the day btw #this is also just the right balance of incredibly stupid and actually filled with potential if I wanted to write it seriously #i might actually consider writing a one shot for it #crack treated seriously is my favorite take

Ok, so. Smashing together my recent posts (stoner Itama / the secret Senju weed empire money / co-dependent twins Itama and Tobirama) to make a cohesive narrative:

So, Itama survives AU.

In this, Itama and Tobirama are twins. They're very close, arguably closer to each other than Hashi is to either of them.

Growing up, after Kawarama died, Hashirama found a new friend in his boy by the river. Meaning the twins were sort of left to mourn on their own, their older brother no longer as interested in playing with them. They got to be almost dangerously codependent, and their father only encouraged it bc they were also training to fight as a duo, and the codependency made the team synergy go crazy hard.

On that note, they're absolutely terrifying in battle together for sure. They're nightmares on their own already, but together?? Let's say that as long as they're fighting side by side, they're on the same level as Hashirama himself.

Itama grows up to be a scientist like Tobirama, but in a different field of science— ✨️plants✨️

Itama is like, a bioengineer for plants. He's crossbreeding the fuck out of these bad boys, finding ways to amplify certain traits in some plants, erase them altogether in others, or mixing them up for the best of both worlds. Full doctor Frankenstein plant edition

It's fun bc he often gets help from both of his brothers, and he's also able to help the both of them in turn!

Hashirama helps with growing plants, meaning Itama doesn't have to wait the years this research would usually take. He can go from nothing to having his final product in days flat when it should have taken a fucking lifetime to do. If he fucks up it's no stress bc as long as he has the seeds, Hashirama can just grow him a new plant to start from! All he needs is one single seed and an entire world of new possibilities is unlocked.

On top of all that, the mokuton can affect the plants in ways growing by regular time doesn't, so Itama also gets to play with special mokuton plants too

Then Itama can give Hashirama all sorts of new plants to potentially use in battle, tho Hashirama doesn't seem to want to use want against the Uchiha. But like. He has them!! And it's fucking terrifying!!! Plus they can just in general bond over being plant enthusiasts. If Hashi finds a cool new plant or vice versa they can get excited about it together

Tobirama understands all to most of Itama's research, at least in theory, and will often help with his experiments. Likewise, Itama also understands all to most of Tobirama's own research (at least in theory) and can help him in return. Having their own specific fields of interest, they're often bringing a fresh pair of eyes and different thought process to the others experiments, and it's great for them both. SO many results.

Itama is let in on most of Tobirama's projects, and even if he's not helping he generally knows what he's working on and vice versa. They have few secrets and its actually just in general very good for Tobirama specifically. Like, mentally and support wise.

Because Itama never died to serve as that final push over the edge, and was instead there to offer emotional support, Tobirama didn't turn to necromancy. (If he had tho, Itama would have been fully on board— sorry Hashirama) Instead, maybe he's spending that time being even more focused on cool time/space jutsu or something.

So like, all grown up he's a poison specialist with a major wind chakra attribute and minor fire attribute. His main weapon is a pipe, which he just smokes normally on top of using its smoke as a weapon. He can put so much pressure into the smoke that it becomes physical, and can then be used as a blunt force weapon (on top of ofc the smoke being used as just smoke, and having different effects on its own)

He's immune to a lot of his smokes effects, but has special extra powerful versions of most of his go to weaponized smokes that are so strong they work even on him. Obviously, he doesn't usually use these in battle, but they're there as a last resort

Fun sort of chain reaction attack where he disperses some super flammable powder or smoke then tosses in a single spark and it goes up like fucking fireworks. Or a cool combo attack where Tobirama provides hella fog with whatever water is nearby, and Itama condenses it so thickly that it chokes out their enemies without having to lift a single finger.

He can make like, platforms of smoke to stand on or use as shields, and he's especially good at deflecting and redirecting enemy attacks with carefully condensed smoke shields summoned up at just the right angles. Like, imagine you throw a kunai and it bounces off some invisible platform, then off ANOTHER invisible platform, and somehow its still gaining momentum (propelled by summoned winds or wrapped in a slightly solidified veil of smoke thats moving it on its own) and hits you right in the eyes

He absolutely fucks around with making all SORTS of custom effects with whatever he's smoking, which also brings us to the idea that got me here in the first place ->

Ok so the joke about the Senju having a secret weed empire where they sell ultra special mokuton weed, but it happens fr in this AU bc of Itama.

Stoner Itama deciding he can make the weed even better and forgetting what the word self-control means and making objectively the best weed in the naruto world. Ultra delux genetically modified mokuton grown senju weed.

Tobirama kind of gets on him for it at first (not liking the idea of mind-altering substances) but then tries some and stares dead silent at a wall for 10 hours then silently gets up, makes several scientific breakthroughs, then passes out dead on the floor.

They get Hashirama in on it and start mass producing, then start selling it and very quickly and mostly accidentally create a secret senju weed empire (oops?) which also gives them hella funds or the war and other things

No one can even reproduce their weed bc they need the Mokuton to grow it right, they have no competition in the market. AND their product safety/quality is insane bc Tobirama's perfectionist ass helps oversee it

Bc of Itama's interference, Izuna lives, and when they make Konoha the weed money means the first shinobi war doesn't happen bc they can afford to bribe officials they couldn't before (and probably have a uhh. Much more relaxed Kage meeting that year.)

You can't go to war with Konoha !!! That's where all the best ninja weed comes from !!!

Itama and Izuna get along really well actually. Izuna's cringe fail ass does NOT know how to smoke and refuses to admit it, he also becomes Itama's favorite test subjects for new product bc he and his brothers tolerance levels are insane so they need like, a normal guy to try shit on

As a person, Itama is one of those really friendly, charming, easy to get along with guys who seem to have a ton of friends— but when you look a bit closer you quickly notice that while many of those friends share their woes with him, he doesn't really with them. He has lots of friends but isn't really close to any.

He's a pretty good mix of his brothers, seeming friendly and cheerful like Hashirama but much more down to earth, and with the same ruthless streak as Tobirama underneath all the gentle mannerisms. He might be more ruthless than either of his brothers when it really comes down to it, but he's very slow to strike or anger, and virtually no one but his brothers and Touka really know he even has that side to him.

He's Konoha's lead poisons expert, is 100% aware and helping Tobirama with all of his especially fucked up experiments, and honestly that should tell you enough— but most tend to get distracted by the soft smiles and sleepy expression.

Art interlude ->

Anyways uhhh. All of this only exists bc I started thinking ab stoner Itama getting dumped face first into modern Konoha with Izuna, the two of them having been hiding after pissing off Madara for unimportant reasons. They don't realize they're not in Konoha, and proceed to run from Madara (who they still think is mad at them)

Meanwhile Madara is losing his fucking MIND trying to chase down the ghost of his brother, and also some guy...? Who is that actually? He doesnt really give a shit tbh, Izuna oh god please come back here— ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH RIGHT NOW?

@fashionredalert : Zetsu lived in fear of Itama because itama would have made him into an edible That's why zetsu is two colors, itama smoked one half of him before zetsu managed to escape. One half intact the other half charred black

Please?? The closest hes been to death in years.

Itama was put on this earth to smoke everything he physically can, he hasnt been sober since he was 13, he no longer knows the meaning of fear or sanity. If it can burn he can smoke it

Hes holding one of those tiny Zetsu's going "Hey look at this fucked up plant I found :DD" then taking it straight into the weed lab

Zetsu specifically had him killed in canon bc he knew he'd grow to be too powerful pass it on

Continues in Chapter 41

Chapter 41: twins Itama and Tobirama, and the secret Senju weed empire Pt.2

Summary:

the stoner itama agenda continues

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 40

Connected to this and this post

Taken straight from my notes app where I'm planning an Itama and Tobirama twins fic (so like spoilers for that, I guess) :

Ok so they're like dumb shit kids, like 10 or 11 or so, and they catch one of those tiny little baby zetsus (I know nothing ab Zetsu lmao)

They decide to kill it, dry it out, and assuming it's some kind of mushroom, eat it? Or well, the plan is for Itama to eat it bc Tobirama is cool with taking notes but he doesn't want in on the drugs themselves (besides, every good experiment needs a spotter!)

But they aren't gonna just go for it full throttle bottoms up bc they don't know if it'll like, fucking kill Itama. So they steal a chicken from the farm and feed some of it to it to see if it dies

Chicken lives, woo!!

Unfortunatley, they leave the chicken alone and Hashi finds it when looking for them. He then scolds them bc their father has told them to stop hiding animals in their room, but it's fine bc he gave the chicken to the kitchen for their dinner :)

Tobirama and Itama both go

And they rush to the kitchens JUST in time to see the chicken get put unto the big communal soup

Oops.

They have a heated debate on whether the drugs will like. Leak into the food. They dont know they're still baby scientists!! There's a lot of soup too, it's a big fucking pot meant to feed most of the clan. So then it should be... diluted, right? It can't be that strong, right?? They didn't even give the chicken THAT much, so it should be fine?? Hopefully???

Should they come clean or??? But chichiue will kill them!!!

Hard cut to dinner that night and they are fucking SWEATING.

They make very prolonged eyecontact w eachother then taking a big bite of the soup in unison (they will go down together or not at all)

Anyways, that's how Itama and Tobirama accidentally drugged the entire Senju compound (because the Zetsu drugs were, in fact, that strong) 👍

oh-no-its-bird 🔄

They got away with it too!! After it was all said and done, it was just assumed that multiple chickens had found some strange plants or smthn. Only Hashi knew they had been around the chickens at all and they manage to convince him of their innocence since they also drank the soup. Itama might (absoloutley) do it for fun but Tobirama is vocal ab his distaste of anything mind altering, so Hashirama doesn't believe he'd do it on purpose.

(Hashirama GREATLY underestimated their willingness to go down together with the sinking ship)

But they know. They know what they did.

And so does Zetsu, who was conscious all the way up to being eaten and is genuinley lightly traumatized by the entire ordeal and now has a pavlovian fear response to Itama's smiling face

(Listen he's no expert in humans but there is something WRONG with that boy)

Writing snippet time ✨️

"Bibi-chan."

Tobirama jolted awake at the sound of a familiar nickname, grunting into the dark and blinking up confusedly at where Itama was kneeling over him, whispering.

"Bibi-chan, come look at what I found."

His twin smiled down at him, and Tobirama made a soft noise of protest, burrowing further into his blankets in rejection.

Above him, Itama pouted. "Bibi-chan, I promise you'll like it."

"Mmmm. Sleep." Tobirama grumbled. "Go show Anija."

"Don't wanna, come on Bibi-chan." Itama flopped forward, right on to where Tobirama had hidden himself among his blankets. "Pleeease?"

Tobirama made one last grumbled protest, though mostly for show. Finally, he lowered the blankets down enough to squint back out into the room.

"Get off me first."

---

"Isn't it weird looking?"

"Huh." Was all Tobirama apparently had to say, squinting at the jar sitting innocently between them, illuminated rather poorly by the only lantern their room shared.

Inside of it, a little black thing squirmed. Tobirama didn't know how else to really describe it— though the fact that his eyes already strained to see it's details in the poor lighting didn't exactly help him better understand what he was seeing.

"I found it hiding underneath some leaves when I was collecting fireflies."

'Chichiue told you to stop doing that,' Tobirama did not say. Neither did he voice the slightly louder, 'You went out to collect them without me?' that popped into his mind immediatley after.

"Whenever I pick it up to move, it freaks out again." Itama demonstrated, reaching out to grab the jar. As soon as he lifted it, the little... sludge thing began to move, throwing itself at the glass so violently that the glass shook.

Itama set the jar back down and moved to lay low on the floor so he could peer into it at eye level. Tobirama copied him, the two boys watching silently as the jar rattled with the things attempts to escape.

"It... feels like mokuton." Tobirama said hesitantly, and Itama nodded furiously.

"That's what I thought! But also not, right? And if you look closer," Itama nudged their lantern a bit closer, and the thing lunched away from the light as if it hurt. "It kind of looks like a plant, right? Maybe some kind of fungus...?"

pinyuo asked:

sorry but I genuinely need to know what the outside perspective of stoner Itama is- the ultimate weed supplier of Konoha?? At what point do they draw the line with this guy 😭

A wonderful question that makes me lose my mind a little bit to even consider actually

So we've already talked about how in this verse, Itama and Tobirama were trained to fight together as a duo, so they probably have at least a battle reputation that's tied pretty closely together

Actually hmm I'm thinking and that could cause problems for Izuna specifically, bc him and tobirama are on even ground and Itama would definatley tip the scales there

Ok so rewind -> they're trained to fight together and fucking terrifying, but for Reasons(tm) Itama tends to stick close to home base as a last line of defense / resident healer and clan poison master

When they send Tobirama and Itama out together it's to get shit DONE. Maybe Hashirama, in his desire for peace, actually specifically leaves him behind bc he knows if the twins go out on the battlefield together, certain pieces he doesn't want moved will certainly be doing some goddamn moving

As such, he doesn't have much of a reputation / maybe there's some sort of rumor ab him being sickly floating around

This also means he can do fun spy things bc no one knows what he looks like!! Which is even more reason to keep him off the battlefield, yayy

Funny bit where Itama and Izuna run into eachother in the wild and Itama totally knows who this guy is but Izuna has no idea who he is. Maybe they help eachother out a bit and Itama makes a joke about how he got separated from his brother, who's "tall and grumpy and acts like a cute little kitty cat <3"

And Izuna is like, haven't seen him, sorry

Then Tobirama shows up and Izuna is screeching "THATS Bibi-chan???" As Itama uwus and goes "I told you didn't I? My bibi-chan is tall and grumpy and acts like a cute kitty cat <333"

(Izuna feels like he's having an aneurysm)

Blah blah blah Konoha is made early yayy friendship peace and ninja drugs galore what a beautiful world we live in

The consensus on Itama inside Konoha is that he's very nice and the most reasonable / easy to work with of the 3 Senju brothers (HIGHLY debatable, they are all insane in very different ways)

Anyone who meets him personally within professional bounds finds him very charming and soft spoken, with the type of personality on the surface that'd make you think he isn't fit for shinobi work (which, to any shinobi worth their salt, is a red flag in itself)

Itama is very conscious of public opinions, and he's friends with Izuna who's like got spy master vibes going on for him— they probably collaborate together sometimes in that field. So he has a good grasp on what people think of him / how to manipulate that

OUTSIDE of the village, since Itama mostly avoided public eye for so long, he doesn't have too much of a reputation. Even after he started going out with Tobirama on public missions regularly, bc of Tobirama's own big reputation, whenever they do insane shit it tends to be attributed to him— not the harmless looking guy standing innocently behind him

Konoha's secret weapon,,

Anyways !! I don't think the fact that Itama is specifically the mind behind the really good konoha weed is public knowledge. It's definitely known that it's a Senju product, and a lot of people probably assume it's Hashirama

Itama IS however known as the guy who totally always has that good ninja weed, and he's totally always on staff as one of the first faces any visiting important people see. He's so disarming, he's great at charming dignitaries

He and Izuna probably get sent to the capital whenever they need court representation actually. Konoha's pretty politics duo here to smile nicely and feed you pretty lies

What the fuck was I talking about again

RIGHT OK SO

Outside of the village people don't really know Itama has as much importance / influence as he does, due to a mix of on purpose subterfuge and just everyone around him having really big reputations that he carefully allows to overshadow his own

It benefits him :)

They never see the Itama inquisition coming

<- This also means that when he does insane shit he never fails to get "oh what the fuck" reactions from anyone new around him (he finds the process of watching people realize he's just as bad / possibly even WORSE than his brothers very, very funny)

Continued in chapter 51

Chapter 42: Orochimaru edo-tensei's Izuna without realizing who he is and Izuna does what he does best (fucks shit up)

Chapter Text

Fic where, in practicing to get edo tensei right, Orochimaru uses Izuna as a test subject and tries to substitute DNA to make it work, using Suigetsu's bc like it's extra flexible or whatever bc shape change

Edo tensei mermaid Izuna locked in a tube somewhere in Oro's lab,,

He's SO mad about it and has literally no information ab what's going on at all bc hes locked in a fucking tube !!

Bonus points if Orochimaru doesn't even specifically know who he is

They unearthed him w the rest of the founders on a whim but bc no one really requested him specifically, the body just kinda sat there and eventually got mixed in w the rest of the Uchiha corpses, till Orochimaru requests an Uchiha corpse and they shrug and send him over

He still has Madara's eyes too (left alone either by oversight / or bc they decided not to pull them before he got mixed in w the other bodies, who had by then already gotten scooped of their eyes so they assumed he'd already been harvested)

Ok but like. No one even tells him what happened/where he is/that madara made the village. Why would anyone?? The only one Izuna sees regularly is Orochimaru, and he doesn't know those facts would matter??

Izuna doesn't even know what Konoha IS, he isn't gonna recognize the name

From Izuna's perspective, he died in his bed and then BOOM. Tank time.

Orochimaru might tell him it's been some years since his death (thinking he died in the massacre) and even if Izuna doesn't believe him bc like, enemy, enemy territory, he sure as fuck probably won't be thinking "Ah yes it's been decades since my death and my brother went against my dying wishes to make that village"

Tho he might get nervous and start picking up those cues when he sees the tech

Oro mentions offhand that the Uchiha were all killed and Izuna immediatley assumes the Senju won the war and loses it

He'd figure it out eventually obviously (probably after being set free, most likley by Sasuke w Suigetsu) But he'd also probably keep that to himself, bc like, enemy territory n stuff

Mermaid shapeshifter Izuna terrorizes the shinobi world,, Sasuke doesn't know what he just unleashed.

Ok actually but like. Suigetsu's shape-shifting but bc Izuna has a fire chalra nature, make it liquid fire shape-shifting. Fuckin, fire mermaid Izuna. He has an awful time retaining his form and actually for the first chunk of time, him being in that tube is genuinley just for the best. He keeps turning into liquid fire with no real solid body and can't put himself back together for hours.

Izuna hears his brother is still alive and running Akatsuki and is so down to clown till he realizes THATS NOT HIS FUCKING BROTHER HOW DARE YOU USE HIS NAME

Anyways oh my god Izuna on team Taka,,

He and Sasuke would be SUCH a dynamic actually, they look alike so much?? Sasuke doesn't recognize him but he's clearly a close relation, so there's some mystery there. Sasuke is like super shaken by finding a member of his clan and Izuna, by that point aware that apparently the rest of his clan is dead, is sticking to him like GLUE. Sasuke is bitchy little brother coded and Izuna understands this is probably karma bc he is also bitchy little brother coded

They probably clash a lot, especially bc both are expecting to be in charge here, but ultimately I think they'd get along better than Sasuke does most people, and there's also that bonus vulnerability of like. Izuna is an older Uchiha boy who's trying to brother him (with a noticeably different brother-ing style to Itachi too) and Sasuke has been alone for so, so long.

Sasuke accidentally calls him nii-san then promptly has several break downs about it

Suigetsu and Izuna either get along ALARMINGLY well or they hate eachother. I think I wanna go with the first bc it sounds more fun. They couldn't talk to eachother in the tanks but they could still see eachother, so maybe they kind of developed some sort of code to communicate?

They are "cause problems on purpose" friends. They're also "wdym I can't kill him???" *looks of genuine confusion* buddies. They're giving Sasuke the biggest headache actually, someone stop them. If you leave them to "take care" of a problem, there will be carnage.

Also, like, Izuna literally has Suigetsu's DNA in him. That's a thing.

Mmm maybe some complex thoughts ab how Izuna has effectively become a bloodline thief against his will (the ULTIMATE taboo for shinobi from his era) and he's like, actually fucked up about it.

Running joke where they refer to each other as cousins, could be funny. They argue over who's the bastard child (it's Izuna obviously but he won't just take that title lying down)

Izuna is like, in his 20s, and Karin is around 16 or 17 at this time I think?? She definatley has a bit of a crush on him (which helps take the edge off Sasuke) but like, he's not acknowledging that beyond patting her on the head. She'll get over it eventually. (Sasuke hides behind Izuna when Karin is trying to flirt w him and Izuna absoloutley laughs at them both)

Izuna is actually really impressed w Karin's sensing abilities specifically. I think he'd be a bit on edge around her at first, bc Uzumaki -> Senju ally. But he'd quickly assume she's a deserter (he has no idea the Uzumaki are pretty much wiped out rip) and becomes cautiously chill after a minute or two (also when he first escapes, he REALLY doesn't have the luxury to pick and choose his allies. He's instantly attached to Sasuke and cautiously fond of Suigetsu, and Karin seems to have Sasuke's trust at least, so he'll keep an eye on it but otherwise trust Sasuke's judgment)

Izuna and Karin besties arc where they paint eachothers nails is a must. I love the take that Izuna is really into fashion n stuff and he and Karin should like, trade hair tips or smthn. Karin knows modern soap brands where as Izuna bought his soaps from clan vendors who no longer fucking exist, so like, it's definatley helpful.

Karin is the only one of them to have any real hint of where tf Izuna came from (tho even she doesn't have the full details) it'd be cool if she was the one to figure out more details ab his general mystery— maybe something about her chakra sensing gives her a hint as to how old he really is?? Or she finds the paper trail that hints towards the bodies being mixed up???? Idk but she deserves to have an "aha!" moment

Also Izuna's medical knowledge/standards are NOT up to modern and Karin is so mad about it, she's giving him hella lessons on first aid n shit and he's very, very interested in all this free medical knowledge

I know the least about Jugo so bear with me on this one pls— I think Izuna would find Jugo to be pretty fascinating as a person actually. He enjoys tentatively poking him with sticks, and comes to genuinley like him as a person (when he's calm) pretty quickly

Also cats love Izuna so he gets bonus points from Jugo bc of that, they can bond while petting Izuna's contracted cats or smthn idk

Yeah I really don't know much ab Jugo so that's all I have to offer sorry

Ok let's backtrack a bit, back to Orochimaru ->

Fun scene towards the very start of the fic, where Izuna still has no fucking clue what's going on, but recognizes Orochimaru as a member of the Orochi clan. He says as much, and Orochimaru has to pause.

No one's mentioned his clan to him in years. They haven't been relevant in Konoha since Orochimaru was born— even before that, they were barley relevant. Izuna should not know who they are.

(The only reason he does know is bc they had a neutral to positive relationship w the Uchiha back in the warring era, and Izuna had visited them once before)

Immediatley, Orochimaru is squinting at this guy. He's giving Danzo a ring asking who exactly he got sent over, but Danzo doesn't actually have anything to offer him??? The paperwork is a mess and there were a LOT of Uchiha. He's not registered as a shinobi tho.

Hmmmm.... ok.

Orochimaru is suddenly aware there's some kind of mystery here now, which is dangerous for Izuna. Izuna is, again, in enemy territory, and he's able to pick up on the fact that Orochimaru doesn't actually know who he is. This ofc means that HE sure as hell won't be telling him.

Maybe he bares his teeth and sarcastically says he's the second coming of Uchiha Madara (not even that big of a lie when u think ab it)

Pivoting time ->

Izuna is listed in the data books as like, being equally as talented as Madara and I think we should talk ab that more actually

I love Tobirama but he really did get him by surprise

Izuna just got cocky and taken by surprise!!

HE DIDNT EVEN GET COCKY HE JUST LOGICALLY DIDNT EXPECT TOBIRAMA TO FUCKING INVENT TELEPORTATION

Then he went down in the history books both in canon and out of it as the weakest of the 4, that's so tragic

Izuna gets mermaid edo tenseid and (once people know who he is) everyone is like "Ok well at least he's uhh. The weakest of the 4 right?? I mean tobirama killed him when they were like only 19/20 so we'll probably be fine???"

Then he just fucking bodies them all bc hes a nightmare actually AND on whatever special test trial edo tensei steroids they gave him

Izuna is fueled on rage and spite and he's full up on both

Imagine he gets the full story of everything that happened while he was dead too, like.

Ok so Madara goes against his EXPRESS dying wishes and makes his village. (what the fuck!!) Then backs out (yay!!) but in an awful way that effectively fucks over the entire clan for years to come (nii-san what the FUCK)

Then gets literally backstabbed by Hashirama (HE FUCKING TOLD YOU!!! WHAT DID HE FUCKING SAY!!!!!)

Then the Uchiha seem to thrive and like. Ok. He's still mad about it, but at least something... kind of nice came out of it.

THEN BOTH THE VILLAGE AND MADARA'S(?????) SCHEMES KILL THEIR ENTIRE CLAN

Izuna is SO mad at literally everyone, holy shit. The only one safe from his rage is Hikaku, god rest his poor, poor soul

Actually, I think it'd be funny if Izuna was like, indescribably extra awful mad at everyone— but then is like. Normal mad amounts at Tobirama, who was a bitch but at least didn't seem to carry on a personal fucking vendetta against the Uchiha like EVERYONE ELSE INCLUDING FUCKING MADARA FOR SOME GODDAMN REASON

Izuna is going like, "FUCK you, FUCK you, OH, EXTRA FUCK YOU—" then squints at Tobirama and goes "...fuck you." Then goes back to screaming

To be clear, Tobirama absolutely contributed to the end of the Uchiha, but like. A) it'd be funny, and B) at least his seemed slightly less on purpose than literally everyone else

There's also I think a difference of like. Izuna never expected Tobirama to suddenly turn around and be pro Uchiha

Where as everyone else (again, including his brother!!) Was like. A genuine betrayal

Tobirama fucking over the clan was never a surprise

He never pretended to be on their side (like Hashirama lowkey did)

Tobirama vs Izuna but it's them getting to relive their rivalry where as Izuna vs literally anyone else is emotionally charged as hell and filled with demented screaming

Leaving it there for now, I might actually try to write this one but who tf knows

obitoslover 🔄

Izuna hating Tobirama less than others is like

"I'm disappointed with literally everyone, y'all are a bunch of backstabber— yes I'm talking about you, Hashirama, motherfuckers. AT LEAST Tobirama never disappointed me, because I never expected anything good from him."

Izuna being (rightfully) like a toxic parent is one of my fav things of all time, I like when my men are bad people, it's so funny

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Izuna would be fucking insufferable actually. Like, he was proven right on virtually every level— Hashirama betrayed Madara w a literal backstab, Tobirama proved he could and would fuck over the Uchiha even in death, the village in general was the downfall of the Uchiha.

Even his brothers pipe dream of "creating a safe for the children" (which he never really got that invested in or believed could become real) is proven wrong w the village and its record of fucking Mr. 6 year old chunin Kakashi and 11 year old ANBU itachi over there.

Nice going on your dream Madara, Izuna fucking TOLD YOU it wasn't gonna work

I don't think Izuna would especially care ab child soldiers, he was one himself and he turned out fiiiine. He will however not just give up on the opportunity to just really rub that salt into the wound of Madara and Hashirama's fucking failure of a dream

Izuna kind of sucks as a guy actually, like, he's good enough for warring states standards person wise— but "warring states standard shinobi" and "modern day standard shinobi" are two very, very different things. There was not much room for mercy or kindness from the era Izuna was from, nor teamwork, and Izuna is used to either being in charge or being directly opposed with little inbetween. I'd say Izuna is out here living his best life but he's really not and is super fucking mad ab everything actually, which just makes him worse.

He's on a trip first to find his brother and find out wtf happened— then when he learns exactly what happened, on a trip to beat the ass of everyone he can get his fucking hands on

@getyourmindrightson

Izuna is out for fucking BLOOD!! Madara, when he catches you Madara—

No but thats literally how it'd go tho. Madara is like omg,, my baby brother,, my sweet baby brother I missed you so much I did all of this for you,, and Izuna is screaming DID I FUCKING ASK YOU TO DO ANY OF THIS !!! DID I FUCKING ASK !!!!! I REMEMBER ASKING FOR SOMETHING BUT IT SURE AS HELL WASNT THIS !!!!!!!!!!

Madara, preaching to a crowd he's basically forcing to listen to him at gunpoint: "my precious little brother was so kind,, he loved the arts, he loved to dance, he shouldn't have been forced to fight, he should have been able to live in peace. Instead he was cut down so ruthlessly, an end he never deserved,,"

And behind him a visibly deranged, activley on fire Izuna is goading Tobirama into one last battle to the death so he can quote, "rip your lungs out through his throat like I should have done the first time"

(Madara is next)

@eularin

Izuna totally wins actually, idk what else happens or changes but the fic ends with Izuna refusing to go back to the pure lands.

"And now we can finally put your poor, tired soul to rest—"

lmao no he's here to stay sorry. Get fucked. He's gonna go hang out with Sasuke and the rest of team Taka and maybe figure out wtf Orochimaru is doing. Fuck you, fuck your village, fuck your Hokage, Izuna is OUT. You'll see him when you see him.

Sasuke is very happy w him staying, they can disown their shitty older brothers and have eachother as brothers instead. Sasuke can go on his quest for redemption or whatever and say it's smthn he has to do alone but Izuna straight up does not give a SHIT, sorry Sasuke he's coming with. Hey let's stop at the theater in the next village! Izuna's missed out on decades of new shows, he has a lot of stuff to catch up on.

But yeah, everyone else can get put to rest or whatever but Izuna is here to stay. Big fuckin boohoo for the majority of ninja society, he's gonna terrorize so many people. There is no escaping him.

Naruto canon ends, final battle is over, everyone's happy and sHIT WHAT IS HE STILL DOING HERE

#this ones especially dumb but it makes me giggle #if it were a comic itd be like. drawn true to their og art styles of naruto/smiling friends too #they look SO out of place

Meme for the Izuna edo-tensei mermaid AU, but also tbh it can apply in a lot of places

Chapter 43: Tobirama and Kakashi bodyswap through time

Chapter Text

Body swap through time Kakashi and Tobirama at like, ages 12/13ish

Kakashi wakes up as Senju Tobirama at the height of the Uchiha/Senju conflicts

Tobirama wakes up as Kakashi in the lead up to the Kyuubi incident

They're actually alarmingly similar in skill level and personality, so they're able to get away with the switch on a surface level, even to those who know them well. But problems very quickly arise when it comes to fighting or anything that requires knowledge of history

""Tobirama"" taking to the field with a totally different skill set and jutsus than he's ever used before (Izuna is taken so off guard, it gets bad, fast)

""Kakashi"" suddenly does not seem to respond to any ANBU signals or codes, and where as before he was a shoe in for becoming an ANBU captain he suddenly seems to be fucking up at every other opportunity. You'd think the guy WANTS to lose his job with how suddenly awful at it he is, but he's Kakashi. There is no world where that kid fucks anything up on purpose

They're both definatley in a "holy shit I can NOT tell anyone ab this" position— Kakashi would probably be fr killed as an imposter, and while Tobirama would probably be ok (especially since Minato would be in charge of his detainment n stuff) he doesn't know that?? As far as he's aware, he is in enemy territory and will act accordingly.

Kakashi doesn't know how tf to interact with Butsuma or Hashirama, but especially Butsuma. He probably uses the wrong forms of address for people bc Tobirama uses more old fashioned honorifics than Kakashi is used to (Anija/Chichuie vs Nii-san/Otou-san)

Kakashi refusing to kill Uchiha bc like, village loyalty fuck you. Also just in general he probably has feelings ab killing anyone with a sharingan on multiple levels. But not just not killing them but going out of his way to help— these aren't his Uchiha, yeah, but it definatley fucks him up to see ANY uchiha die when all his life Uchiha = konoha = his people

Oooo, Kakashi instinctivley channeling chakra through Tobirama's eye after a solid couple years of getting used to the sharingan, possibly accidentally doing,,, something there. Idk what tho but SOMETHING

Meanwhile Tobirama is in that stupid fucking village of his brothers (that he will not shut up about, especially at that specific age) and its???? Real??????? It worked?????????? Huh.

He's surrounded by Uchiha and can't find any Senju (Tsunade just left the village, rip Tsunade) but if he investigates it looks like the Senju died out naturally? Impossible, it has to be some kind of Uchiha plot—!

Hes also struggling to come to terms with there being a STOLEN SHARINGAN IN HIS FUCKING EYE !!!!!!!! Made extra super fucked up by the difference in intense hatred and taboo of bloodline theft in modern/warring era (with it being even more taboo in the warring states, like THE ultimate evil to any shinobi)

Maybe he, as Kakashi, is supposed to go to like special Uchiha class where they teach him ab the Uchiha n stuff bc of the eye, and Tobirama is sitting there eating all this shit UP (enemy intel!!!)

But also, like, lowkey brainwashed kid brought up to do nothing but kill this one specific group of people, literally being forced to at least pretend to embrace their culture. He's in such a unique position to learn from and about them, and it'll probably end with him being some kind of sympathetic.

It helps that in modern Konoha, where the Uchiha may be considered overly traditional/religious, that's actually just Tobirama's normal. So there's also this added layer of "being around the Uchiha feels the closest to home / least strange than being around literally anyone else" which just pisses him off even more tbh

I'm tempted to say that somehow Rin is still alive just so I can have that one specific Rin and Kakashi queerplatonic codependent relationship from my other post, and then Rin being the one to finally notice that Kakashi isn't Kakashi anymore

Both Tobirama and Kakashi kind of piecing together the life stories of each other, immersed in eachothers histories and paths without ever directly interacting even once. Constant wonderings ab what the other boy was like / might do here, and if they're really so similar that no one has noticed the switch and all those implications (bc on one hand, that's good!! But on the other hand uhh— has anyone at home noticed...? Bc if not, fucking ow??? But also like, probably for the best tbh.)

Continues on chapter 110

Chapter 44: Especially stupid smiling friends crossover

Chapter Text

Naruto/Smiling Friends au but it's just the usual Smiling Friends formula where they react like rational human beings (to a degree) to various horrible things (the shinobi world) and it's really funny

The boss shows up in full naruto cosplay and goes, "Hey boys I have a new job for you! In ✨️another dimesion✨️" and they hop through the neon orange glowing portal suddenly in the floor.

They're like actually pretty excited, Pim especially is pumped to play ninja or whatever, but then they arrive and they were actually hired by random root agent number 420 to make Danzo smile.

The story ends with them accidentally helping Danzo take over Konoha and they stand there surrounded by bodies and child soldiers like

"Umm so. I guess we did it."

"..."

"Ok so do you also feel kind of—"

"No, no yeah man I feel like really weird about this, I just wanna go home"

"Oh thank god I thought it was just me."

"Yeah I was feeling kind of sketched out and then we got to the torture labs and just—"

"Oh my god yeah that was so bad"

"I mean we're done now though, so."

"Yeah, yeah."

[Awkward shuffling]

[Clearing of throat]

"So like—"

"Yeah let's go home."

[Walks off screen, edging around several Uchiha corpses along the way]

They get back and the boss congratulates them on a job well done then shows a photo of him and Danzo going golfing together and says they're good friends and he's so glad the job went well because now they can be buisness partners!! Yayy!!!

Chapter 45: the Hatake Clan head (Sakumos mother) from early Konoha time travels to kid Kakashi era, adopts him, and fucks shit up

Summary:

I will never be immune to the Hatake clan time travel agenda

Chapter Text

Similar fic idea to One Step Three Steps, but instead of some random Hatake brat being zapped into modern Konoha from the very early days of the village, it was actually the at the time Hatake Clan Head.

I'm gonna go with the Hatake family tree I tossed into Chasing Shadows for fun, meaning a) the clan head is named Haruka, and b) she's Sakumo's mother (thus Kakashi's grandmother) and Tobirama's aunt

She died very shortly after Tobirama (like a week tops) and the rest of her clan was wiped out pretty soon after her.

(Sakumo was raised by the only other survivor of the clan, an old grandma with poor memory who hadn't been in any state to fight, and who later passed away when Sakumo was still pretty young— so he learned very little about their clan and their traditions, and then passed on even less to Kakashi before he died)

I have literally nothing else for her other than the above, so I guess we'll figure out her character together as we go along

With that said, this is gonna be a long one, so buckle in for

✨️ The Hatake clan head time travels from early to modern Konoha ✨️

Immediately, there's just so much potential pretty much anywhere you drop her into the timeline.

Lets take her from the very first years of Konoha, where they're still lowkey building the village and Madara is still around (bc I love the drama of the time traveler respecting Madara only for the future people to be like "oooo... ok, so bad news actually— Also, you legally aren't allowed to talk good about him for military dictatorship reasons, sorry :(" )

And then we're gonna drop her into kid Kakashi era, with Sakumo still being alive

Right off the bat -> That's Sakumo's fucking mom!!!! Holy shit you guys!!! The last time she saw him he was like a literal infant she JUST recovered from birthing AND NOW HES A WHOLE MAN!!!!

Shes grabbing him by the cheeks squishing him to death, there may be baby talk involved (he's a grown man let him go oh my god??)

If she comes before his mission gone wrong, her presence prevents him from going on it (disaster averted,,, for now) He's currently in the running for most likely to become next Hokage and she's so disgustingly proud holy shit. Her baby!!! Hokage!!!

Maybe have some talk about how that'd make either 3 or 2 Hatake's in office depending on if you count Hashirama as a Hatake (Haruka does not) and how that's kind of bad, right? Only Haruka doesn't give a SHIT about that (politicians hate her and shed hate them too if she didn't enjoy making them suffer so much)

"But Haruka, as clan head aren't you a politician too by default?"

"Haha yeah!! Isn't that awful? (For all of them)"

If she comes AFTER the dreaded mission gone wrong, Haruka is all about backing up his decision (the Hatake are a clan who emphasize loyalty like no other, which is also part of why they took to Konoha's mentality so well)

Shes telling Sakumo he did the right thing and fuck literally everyone who says otherwise. Trust your momma Sakumo, she knows best

Her being there averts Sakumo's death— either bc she manages to keep him going, or bc she interrupts him mid suicide

(I can see Sakumo trying to go through with it specifically bc he thinks at least Kakashi has Haruka now once he's gone)

Also oh my god SAKUMO YOU HAD A BABY??? SHE HAS A GRANDBABY???? AWWW CMERE LITTLE GUY LET GRANDMA GIVE YOU A SMOOCH— OHHH SAKUMO LOOK AT HOW HE STABBED ME OHH WHAT A GOOD BOY, WHAT A CUTE BABY BOY!! CMERE BABY— OHH SAKUMO LOOK HES BITING ME AWWW THATS SO CUTE!! WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? (said like she's talking to a fucking dog)

Kakashi kind of hates her.

There's like a whole big bit about the Hatake clan bloodline limit, which is sort of general wolfy stuff, enhanced senses, some extra strength, etc. And my all-time favorite take, adaptation ✨️

Their white chakra is super flexible, able to adapt and change to fit pretty much any situation —or even other bloodline limits. (Which is why Kakashi not only survived the sharingan implant but came to arguably master it)

Anyways -> other than the white chakra (which neither Sakumo or Kakashi know the details of other than it's their family chakra and its,, white. Exciting, I know), their bloodline limit seems to have borderline dissapeared with Kakashi and Sakumo, due to basically them not knowing how to feed into it / activley supressing it to conform to polite society (unaware that certain impulses aren't actually just intrusive thoughts but actual instinct trying to get them to do things necessary to feed into and reawakened their bloodline limit)

Kakashi actually shows more hints of still having it bc of his age, while Sakumo is very well practiced in accidentally supressing it to conform with general society.

So obviously, Haruka is like "hey guys!! What the actual fuck is this!!" and immediatley (borderline desperatley) trying to get them back to her perceived normal

She's actually REALLY fucked up about all this. Her own son!! Her own grandbaby!! And they don't even eat enough MEAT!!!! This is an actual nightmare, this is like basic baby stuff all the Hatake's should know and she's getting nothing but blank looks and vuagley ashamed guilty stares from Sakumo as she asks if he even takes Kakashi on hunts (he didn't even know that was a thing he should be doing.)

Don't even get her started when she learns Sakumo isn't acting as clan head on the Konoha clan council, holy shit. The Hatake might be a clan of 2 now but they were among the first clans to come to Konoha— she doesn't give a shit how many of them are left, if the number is more than 1 then there better be a fucking representative of theirs on that goddamn council

Funny bit where Kakashi tries to bite someone and Sakumo is telling him to stop bc jesus christ child can you behave for 5 seconds oh god he's so sorry— and Haruka is like, why are you telling him to stop??? This is enrichment for him :)) if there's no blood it's fine, that's the official clan policy for dealing with kids

Haruka... isn't actually a very good choice to leave as your babysitter. If nothing is on fire and no one is dead she considers herself successful.

Sakumo will learn this. In time.

Mmmm bad ending where Sakumo goes through with the suicide. Could be very fun and fucked up n dramatic.

Kakashi doesn't find his father's body first bc Haruka does— or maybe he does but Haruka walks in right behind him and forces him to close his eyes before he can actually see the body.

Fun scene where Haruka is physically wrestling Kakashi away from his father's body, a hand over his eyes as he screams and claws at her, demanding that she let go and let him see his dad.

Can't she smell the blood!? Tou-san is hurt, he needs help! What are you doing!!? Let him go!! Tou-san, Tou-san, where are you? Why aren't you answering?!

He bites her hand in his struggles, so deep that it later scars (just another reminder of the day, oh boy !!)

Haruka getting hit by the fucking brick of reality, straight in the face. She got to meet her son, the only survivor of their clan from her era, just in time for him to die <3

The fic then takes a HARD turn from the silly fluffy fun times of Haruka goofing around telling people to suck her dick if they have a problem with her (which a lot of people definitely do)

-> Right into shinobi politics, political schemes and sabotaged missions and buried clan history galore territory. Haruka isn't ab to take this lying down and everyone's about to get their first look at a grieving Hatake mother in her prime who just lost her baby to the shinobi rumor mill

Before she was kind of keeping to herself just having fun in the clan compound, not reeeally getting involved with any politics or village shit, bc like, she's playing with her family!! This is like her vacation till the time travel is solved and she goes back home!!

But she's not doing that anymore.

Sakumo is gone and Haruka is more than willing to take the seat he chose to leave empty at the clan council. She's about to become EVERYONES problem.

In the bg, Kakashi VIOLENTLY swings between fucking hating Haruka ("You should have stopped him! You should have been there! You should have helped!") to being like, physically unable to be unatached from her (she's waking up in the middle of the night to find him suddenly burrowed into her blankets, holding on to her like he's scared she'll dissapear when he wakes up)

Small soft scene where he's sleeping on top of her and quietly whispers that he's sorry for biting her.

Haruka possibly tries to have Kakashi temporarily drop his training but it's a very hard battle to fight. Both bc Kakashi wants to fight and bc Konoha wants him to fight

Uhh first big scary Haruka politics scene when she puts her foot down and says something along the lines of, "are you telling me here and now that my word as Hatake clan head is not enough to stop Konoha from taking away my child?" And Sarutobi kind of has to back down bc that does NOT fly well with the other clans

Obito and Rin swing by and try to pry at why Kakashi can't fight and she just fucking stares at them and goes, "He's 6."

She goes home and puts her head in her fucking hands. She was promised Konoha was to keep the kids SAFE, that's the entire fucking reason the Hatake agreed to join!!! This is not safe Tobirama, you bitch!!!!! If they send out Kakashi to die, shes going to find your fucking ghost and grind your face into Kakashi's grave!!!!

Anyways, time for my favorite part: politics

Haruka is coming from the early days of Konoha, where the only reason the Hatake even joined the village was, "because my cute little nephew (Tobirama) asked us real nice"

In her mind, she and her clan are still allowed to back the fuck up out of the village whenever she so chooses. She likes it in Konoha, yeah, but they're still free reign nomads and while she'd like to stay and have her clan flourish (which they didn't exactly do and she can literally SEE the way the village destroyed them from the inside out) she and her clan retain the right to leave whenever they want. And if they do leave, other than losing the new friends, it won't exactly be hard on them to get back to the nomad life.

All of that is to say that Sarutobi isn't her Hokage and while she'll be nice and respectful bc she recognizes the position (and her position) when push comes to shove, there's literally nothing they can hold on her to make her bend or break.

Also the last time she saw Sarutobi he was one of her nephews little brat tag-alongs, and she's so fucking bad at treating people their age, doubly so if she knew them as a kid.

It's,,, kind of demeaning actually, she should stop. (She will not.)

Anyways: play into her not just being Tobirama's aunt but also Hashirama's (her sister was their mother) which becomes fun bc Kakashi is her fucking grandkid!! Meaning he's also their fucking cousin!! Politics!! Implications!!!

At least one person is making a "of fucking course the boy genius is related to one of them" joke but like in an angry way (it's probably Obito)

Anyways I started this off with basically nothing for Haruka other than her name and I think she accidentally turned into a real character along the way (inevitable tbh)

Shes a DEEPLY flawed person actually, which I kind of love. She has a habit of belittling people and not treating them their age (absoloutley calls everyone even slightly younger than her 'kid')

Her views of childcare are totally skewed and she should not be trusted with any children other than Kakashi (it's ok he's literally built different, she can provide proper enrichment for him)

Shes so fucking full of herself and about to make it EVERYONES problem

Edit: I DIDNT FUCKING MEAN TO POST THIS YET IM GONNA KILL MYSELF I WAS STILL QRITING IM GONNA END IT ALL TUMBLR I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

@kirabasai 🔄

"OHH SAKUMO LOOK HES BITING ME AWWW THATS SO CUTE!! WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? (said like she's talking to a fucking dog)"

in a world where haruka raises kakashi, he eventually learns that biting/aggression = signs of affection. obviously this leads to him biting all of his friends. and whatnot.

kakashi will be sitting in a pool of blood that is not his own and haruka would be like AWWWW WHAT A CUTE LITTLE PUP DID YOU MAKE A NEW FRIEND??? meanwhile kakashi is vibrating from the praise because yes!!! he did make a friend (gai)!!!!

(i was too lazy to draw his body + properly shape the bloodpool + im still artblocked but u get the idea)

basically haruka is encouraging the feralness of kakashi. she's giving him bedtime stories where the big bad evil guys get their throats ripped out by the heroic hatake warrior!!! they r hunters!! they r fierce!!!

haruka shoving raw meat down his throat like my kurdish grandma shoves meals down mine. u've lost weight after your last mission!! we need to go on a hunt Immediately to get you some nutrients. ah yes you can invite your friends if you want!!!

(kakashi's friends are inching towards the door because the last time they were invited it was slightly traumatizing. what do you MEAN we don't use weapons wha- DID YOU JUST RIP OPEN THAT BEAR WITH YOUR NAILS)

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

THIS EXACTLY

Sorry any child she raises will not come out normal, but at least she's doing her best...?

ALSO IM CRYING I LOVE THE LITTLE BLOODY KAKASHI THATS SO FUNNY N CUTE

Because I have no self control I drew her, so this is now Haruka:

"OUGGHHH SAKUMO LOOK!!! LOOK HES BITING ME!!! OHHH BABY,,, ITTLE BABY,,,"

Kakashi gets so weirded out he stops biting her immediatley

I'm thinking that she arrives and only a select few are let in on the time travel secret (the Hokage, Danzo + the people who happened to be in the room at the time of her arrival. Probably gonna be Fugaku and Shikaku bc I'm biased and find them interesting, plus parallels to One Step Three Steps)

They shuffle her off to the Hatake compound where she's more than happy to not cause issues and play house w her family. She's too distracted to start shit or give people headaches, not when she has a grandson to baby!

And they pretty much just kind of don't acknowledge her. It's all hush hush, and she's not exactly leaving the house much so no one's noticed yet

But then Sakumo dies and Haruka is PISSED. After she cleans shit up at home, she informs the Hokage shell be at the next clan head meeting as Hatake head very, very last minute. Like, day of last minute.

She arrives and basically no one even knew she existed, let alone that she would be in attendance. Half the table is desperatley trying to piece together who she is as the other half is going oh fuck oh shit this is about to get MESSY

The Hokage is lowkey sweating bc like. He can't actually remove her. She did the paperwork, she's the new Hatake head, it's valid, he can't just tell her to fuck off. But also like. Volatile mother who holds a fuck ton of early Konoha secrets, who's existence he was trying to keep quiet, who's son just committed suicide like this week.

This could get very bad very fast, especially if she potentially only has the goal to make a mess. Which she doesn't, for the record, but she definitely could and he just doesn't know. Also Sarutobi sucks but he's nice enough to be like, "oh wow!! You being here is mot a good idea for like. Anyone, including yourself. Girl go home be with ur family"

So Haruka swans in and drops her cover story— she's Hatake Haruka and Tobirama trusted her with a very important super top secret mission that kept her away for literal decades. She was still on the mission when she got word of her sons death, and she dropped everything to return for him.

And now she's back :) and here to stay :) isn't that just wonderful :)

(Those let in on the time travel secret are SWEATING)

Someone asks how she looks so good for her age (definitley suspicious of who she is) and she just smiles and says something about Mito-hime being kind enough to give her some tips about skin care. Those Uzumaki and their crazy aging genes, huh?

No one can tell if she's kidding or not.

She turns to Sarutobi and basically backs him into a corner where he's forced to either agree with her or call her a liar in front of everyone. It's not a real choice, he has to agree with her or open up a can of worms NO ONE needs opened right now.

Anyways Haruka is here now and she's going to ruin everyone's day <3

Sakumo's death was tragic and many people in the room knew and were fond of him personally, he was even in the running for next Hokage at one point. But things move so quickly in politics, and it's tragically easy to let his death fall to the wayside and be forgotten

Haruka will not let them forget <3

Chapter 46: (Star Wars crossover) Commander Fox and Mitsuki dimension (and time travel) into early naruto canon and do their best (their best is not enough)

Chapter Text

Ok so everyone say thank you to @kirabasai for infecting me with the thought of Commander Fox getting zapped from starwars to naruto

Mitsuki and Fox clone solidarity,, I know Mitsuki only exists in Boruto but I don't give a shit so now not only is this a dimension travel au it's also a time travel

Somehow both Fox and Mitsuki end up in normal naruto canon, and work together bc uhhhh. Reasons, I dunno.

Fox gets zapped first to boruto, probably through spooky Palpatine sith shenanigans that don't actually matter. But he's only there for a second, with just enough time to knock into Mitsuki before he's zapped again into naruto— accidentally bringing Mitsuki with him.

Oops.

He actually feels kind of bad ab it. Or like, as bad about it as Fox can feel, bc he's Fox. But then he learns Mitsuki is a clone and it isn't just awww shit he accidentally kidnapped some kid but aww shit he accidentally kidnapped a Shiny

Head in his hands, he didn't ask for this,, he was a good boy,, he did his job so diligently,, he hid all the bodies and killed all the people Palpatine told him to,,, literally never done a thing wrong,,,,

Fox winds up with Palpatines lightsaber somehow, and over the course of the story it kind of becomes his. It freaks the absoloute FUCK out of literally any sensors, it is radiating legit evil over there and Fox is holding it like it's no big deal (bc he can't sense shit and is kind of numb to sith energy anyways)

Fox also has a blaster and I am definitely thinking ab the comedy of like. A gun in Naruto. It's a gun. It's a gun that moves fast as light. No one knows what a gun is and Fox is going to get SO much milage out of just having a weapon he can aim places without people realizing what it's ab to do (shoot you in the fucking face)

If someone were to pry into Fox's mind they'd actually have a really awful time of it, then probably walk face first into some nasty lingering sith mind fuckery stuff. Bad experience, 0/10, Fox is very happy w how it turned out but also has no idea why he got that effect. Either way, keep ur nasty ass mind fingers to yourself

Also, Fox speaks Basic. Not Japanese.

I'm thinking he has some sort of standard translator chip that allows him to communicate, but it sometimes translates the stuff he says weirdly. For example, from everyone else's perspective, he keeps introducing himself as Kitsune.

Which, for obvious reasons, doesn't really go over that well with a lot of people in Konoha when he gets there.

He's also visibly foreign and keeps being mistaken for being from Suna

So anyways, Fox and Mitsuki first fight bc like. Hey!! You fucking kidnapped?? Me???

Mitsuki gets the jump on him bc shinobi kid vs guy who doesn't know what a fucking shinobi even is

But then they're able to kinda talk it out and like, look neither of them know where they are so... truce?

Ok so now the fun part:

Fox has no fucking clue what's going on.

From his point of view, he's on... some kind of semi primitive planet. Doesn't remember how or why, but he's here now. So standard GAR procedures; find a way to contact home base. He has his normal gear on him, but no deep space radio, so he'll have to just... make one. Fuck, ok. If he can find the parts, it's doable. All command class clones are taught the basics of how, just like how they're taught how to assemble a blaster from scraps.

But from Mitsuki's point of view, they time traveled.

Mitsuki's POV is the only reason Fox knows there's smthn seriously up, but he's not exactly gonna go "aha! Dimension travel!" On top of it all

Now here's the thing. They're in early naruto canon, some time after wave arc.

Mitsuki only knows chunks of history, and only what has been taught to him second hand from school, Orochimaru, and very very occasional stories from Sasuke or the rest of team Taka

(I feel like Suigetsu especially would have fun telling all sorts of stories)

Not... all of these stories are completely accurate. And even if they are, they're often dumbed down to be easily understood by children— think that one Boruto episode where they put on some sort of silly play about the sanin (which was adorable btw and also fucking hilarious. Actual war criminals son learns about war crimes in class and everyone is just cool happy magic of friendship about it. Amazing.)

So now Fox is learning these fuckin third hand stories from Mitsuki, who literally learned it from the villains of many of the stories, and there is some SERIOUS biases going on

They go to Orochimaru for help.

Local scientist, parent of child (= dependable?) Best source of tech for potential radio + blaster repairs if needed. Fox can trade information to him if needed, it seems like a good choice.

It is not a good choice.

Orochimaru is like nearing the heights of his insanity, and I think it'd be real fun if he decides Sasuke is cool and all but a man from the stars??? A man literally made in a vat to be the perfect example of human physique???? Who's also resistant to many forms of corrosive chakra????

New perfect body alert.

Mitsuki is cute but Orochimaru isn't really in a parental sort of mind set, sorry <3

Mitsuki is going "Huh!! My parent did say they had a pretty severe midlife crisis..."

"Kid I think this is a bit more than just a midlife crisis."

Anyways, then they escape and continue to fuck around trying to build a deep space radio, which at this point is Fox's only hope home which also means it's Mitsuki's bc maybe the jedi can help with the whole uhh... time? Thing?

I'm thinking that after the thing w Orochimaru goes to shit, they're both a lot more wary of the fact that Mitsuki's information may not be the best.

After Oro in terms of figures of power and safety, almost everyone else is either a child, not born yet, or their current location is unknown— except for good old dependable ✨️ rokudaime Kakashi ✨️

Ok so picture this. You're Kakashi, sleeping peacefully in bed after a long day fucking with your students (who you're still very conflicted about having) You wake up to a presence in ur room and there's some fucking snake kid leaning over ur bed going "Hatake-sama—"

You freak out.

Knives may be thrown.

The snake kid has a very angry looking, foreign adult man body guard.

This is so fucking suspicious.

The snake kid says he's a time traveler, and that you are the eventual Rokudaime and also the only person he knows he can trust 100%

This is so fucking suspicious.

So obviously, Kakashi plays along then turns around and reports the fuck out of their asses to the Hokage.

Yeah, Fox doesn't really know what he expected. If some random kid showed up looming over HIS bed in the middle of the night, said he'd be the next chancellor and they know bc they're a time traveler and also pretty please help me build a deep space radio so I can go home— well, he wouldn't report them to Palpatine because not even he's that sadistic. But he'd probably toss them into the cells for a minute, if only because it was one of the only perks of his job

Or, well, for that analogy to work it wouldn't be a deep space radio, because he was used to space travel. It'd have to be something wilder— like an interdimensional radio. Haha, good one. Like that existed. God, imaging having to try and make one of those, that'd be insane. Fox would just kill himself at that point. Good thing he doesn't have to, right? Right?

Anyways mid adventure, they bump into Jiraiya who is fucking horrified to recognize Orochimaru's way of smiling in Mitsuki and gaslights himself into thinking he HAS to be wrong.

I think its Jiraiya who finally helps them out

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Forget the Akatsuki or whatever, Fox is gonna shoot Jiraya dead

Unfortunatley Jiraya is also the only (not a terrorist) guy willing to hear them out. So. Choose ur battles Fox.

Fox is invoking every ounce of self control that prevented him from tossing senators out windows just to keep his hands from twitching towards the trigger

Chapter 47: De-aged Kakashi latches on to Orochimaru bc he was friends with his dad

Chapter Text

Fic where Kakashi gets de-aged to like, under 5. Real, proper emotions and intuition over all logic child age, not even training under Minato yet so no hang ups or super deep character attachments other than just to his dad

And he doesn't recognize anyone— the best you'll get out of him is mistaking Gai for Might Dai. And he keeps asking for his dad.

Then they fucking lose him and through some convoluted roll of the dice, he winds up running into Orochimaru

But the thing is that Orochimaru used to be a friend of his father's. And he's aged really well and he's just very recognizable in general. So suddenly u have little Kakashi gripping onto the hem of his robes bc this is the only guy he knows he can trust. It's Tou-sans work friend!! Not any of these weirdo strangers who keep acting way too familiar (and overly invested in seeing his face under the mask, that means you Naruto)

Orochimaru loves this turn of events, what a fuckin chess piece!! Sorry Konoha, if u want ur baby genius back you'll have to pay the big bucks 💅

Same to you, Akatsuki guy who's weirdly invested in all of this (Obito)

Orochimaru doesn't even treat him that bad too, like he's definitley not a good guardian or anything, but he's not,,, bad? He has no reason to treat Kakashi badly or experiment on him, and he did once consider Sakumo a friend so there's some nostalgic fondness wrapped up in it all

Kakashi is legit living his best life out in the caves of sound, and hey, if he accidentally distracts and helps trick Orochimaru into being slightly less worse than canon, everyone wins, right?

Continues in chapter 60

Chapter 48: Madara genjutsu's Tobirama into loving him but Tobirama keeps breaking out of it and needing to be put back under in an endless loop of suffering

Chapter Text

Found this comment on a video talking ab AI chat bots,

made me start thinking ab a tobimada au told from chat bot Tobirama's POV

Madara customized him to *be* Tobirama, but a Tobirama who can love him (with the implied "real" Tobirama being dead maybe? Or just some kind of un-havable)

And just the horror of being a mind customized to love a man you can never say no to. Of Madara saying smthn wrong or *Tobirama* saying the "wrong thing" and Madara growing more and more frustrated as he hits the reset button

Then like. Direct parallel to genjutsu n stuff. Infinite Tsukuyomi,,

Wait ok no, scratch, rewind, take it from the top and in a different direction ->

Ok so implied Infinite Tsukuyomi or some sort of genjutsu from Tobirama's POV. But he has no idea what's going on bc the genjutsu involves making him a) believe he's in love with Madara, and b) believe that everything is normal and nothing is wrong

TW// implied sexual assault via mind control / incredibly dubious consent issues

So the whole fic is like, half fluff "everything is beautiful and nothing hurts" and half creeping sense of wrongness as over and over again, Tobirama gets close to the truth only for Madara to pull him back under or wipe his mind again

Is this pure Infinite Tsukuyomi, and only Madara and Tobirama are real people? Is it just really strong genjutsu and there are actual Uchiha around who are staring in growing horror and possibly try to step in to say smthm only to mysteriously dissapear? Dunno but !!!

@instant-bull :

Oh I really like this concept, a toxic relationship but taken to 100. I think both ways of telling it are interesting, but I'm leaning more into the tsukuyomi version because that adds a layer of physicality a bot tobirama doesn't have and, in my opinion, is a bit less muddied thematically.

It's so scary to imagine Madara completely in control of Tobirama, who's theoretically alive, but he's so *different* that he might as well be a different person who just looks similar

Madara trying to weaken the genjutsu to allow Tobirama to be more of "himself" but can only do so much bc the closer he gets to his real self, the more he'll genuinley piss off Madara, or show love in ways Madara doesn't appreciate or realize is how he shows love— Like maybe Madara will loosen the genjutsu on the personality a little bit, trying to make Tobirama more *Tobirama* but of course this means that Tobirama is suddenly arguing more, drawing more boundaries, maybe nagging him a lot, and Madara is like *ugh this infuriating man, I can't even loosen his genjutsu without him finding new ways to piss me off, fuck.*

Has to tighten it up again

But then that *also* pisses him off bc he *wants* normal Tobirana. Not... whatever imitation he's managed to create.

Other Uchiha are watching in actual horror, unsure if what they're seeing is fr. Using the sharingan for love and sex is like one of THE biggest taboos of the clan.

Maybe this is a time travel au on top of it all? Madara time travels, genjutsu's Tobirama in premeditated revenge + "It's for his own good, really. Now he can finally relax" + just plain being really horny for him

So then Izuna is still alive and possibly the biggest "oh my god oh my god Madara what are you DOING"

Izuna getting mad bc Madara "defeated" *his* rival, twisted him into something unrecognizable to those who know him personally, beat and humiliated him so fuckin soundly in every way—

Madara maybe begrudgingly offering to "share" Tobirama w Izuna since this *was* technically revenge for him

@mengfm :

If a fic was written like this I would not he the same guy that I am rn. Holy shit. The entire idea is so fucked in like the best way ever. The offer…Oh Madara you are off the deep end in premeditated vengeance

There's premeditated vengeance and then there's whatever the FUCK Madara is doing over there

Just kill him like a normal person Madara this wouldn't be ok even after he killed Izuna

At the very least, wouldn't revenge *for Izuna* make more sense if you made Tobirama head over heals for *him* and not for *yourself?*

We all see what u want here Madara and it's not just revenge

@instant-bull :

"It's just revenge" except not really Madara, you're enjoying this far too much

@mengfm :

EXACTLY. Madara is practically lying to himself about his own fucked up little fascination and want. Also on a funnier note I’m just thinking about Madara making that strange offer to share as if he’s not doing the most insane taboo thing with an Izuna who’s like “why the fuck are you going this far”

Madara is literally playing with his food and the food is practically brain dead

PLEASEE

That's why it's so perfect too

If you think ab it, the diminishing of his mind is truly the worst possible punishment

@mengfm :

Truly the worst torture for Tobirama who lowkey doesn’t even have a clue what’s happening

@instant-bull :

Madara having to share with Izuna would be so cool too, omg. I can imagine him getting frustrated while "tailoring" his Tobirama: if he takes away too much of his free will, then it's no longer Tobirama and even for Madara he feels eery and empty. If he gives him too much free will, Tobirama becomes infuriating and starts to break loose from Madara's grasp, which also isn't great. It's a delicate balance, there's almost a science behind it. Maybe he'd particularly enjoy tormenting Tobirama in bed, getting him slightly more aware of himself, but still not quite, like in a semi-lucid dream. Obviously Madara wouldn't want to fuck a Tobirama that he *designed*, but a real deal, to watch his authentic reactions (bc that's what makes Madara's dick stir).

It stopped being revenge the moment you made him think he loved you, and it started being *way too fucking far* the moment you *allowed* him to love you

Tobirama, best sensor in history, objectively just a really smart man, keeps accidentally waking up a little bit

Or like piecing together that something is wrong

Madara actually has to keep deflecting murder attempts bc he usually defaults to murder after realizing smthn is so wrong it breaks his brain a little

Madara just being in this infinite loop of like;

dumbs down Tobirama -> Tobirama is not Tobirama but he does love me so ?? -> Tobirama slowly eases out of it, still loves me but is more himself now -> Tobirama has eased out of it too much and is now becoming twitchy with knowing something is wrong. He feels more like himself than he will ever get, Madara can not bear to dumb him down again -> Tobirama snaps and attempts to harm Madara in some way / confesses to Madara or someone else (Izuna??) that something is wrong (thinking he can trust him) -> Madara is forced to dumb him down again

Endless loop! Madara is giving him actual brain damage !!

@instant-bull :

endless loop except every time it gets Slightly Worse

@mengfm :

God, do you feel over time this would genuinely deteriorate him down? Like genjutsus usually can kill their targets. Like what if there’s a time Madara tightens the hold too much in a fit of rage and it just shatters that balance and he actually harms him

YESS

Do one of those uhh, horror movie kind of "they can no longer feel pain" scenes. Hand on a lit stove kinda thing, doesn't notice a thing. Smile permanently affixed to his face

@mengfm :

God YES. And it just pisses him off more!!! He’s even more prone to fucking anger

@instant-bull :

Madara, like a little kid throwing a tantrum and tossing his favorite toy across the room in rage

Deep down inside of him, the parts of him who are still awake really are smiling because maybe Madara will finally put him out of his misery

Ok, but a Tobirama who's woken up enough to know he needs to *keep playing along*

Smiling so gently at Madara as he inwardly thinks about snapping his neck

Madara waking up to Tobirama just *staring* at him at night, thinking at first it's another murder attempt, but... no? He seems fine? Huh...

Plot twist, that final brain damage arc leading to his death wasn't Madara snapping his mind in half but a somewhat conscious Tobirama playing Madara's strings till he was so mad he killed him

Get played Madara, even when you've won you've lost

@mengfm :

See this idea is so fun cause you can go a lot of ways or combine all of this. It’s like the craziest game of chess of fucking trying to figure out a balance and keep yourself safe while also trying to find an opening (for tobirama at least) to figure out a way out (killing him probably)

Chess but one of you is handicapped to hell and only conscious once a month

Tobirama realizing if he leaves his genjutsu'd self with a single thought he thinks *very very loudly* in his last concious moments, it'll kind of carry— and him using that to lay out plans for him to follow, even if he doesn't realize they are his plans

Ok but also tho: Tobirama as a symbol of fear and power for the rest of the Uchiha

Walking advertisement for the kind of horrors Madara is willing to commit to satiate himself

No one fucking asked him to do that

There is no perceived big act of revenge (other than just being an enemy of the clan)

Pair it with Tobirama having maybe once said to some Uchiha in the past that he considers them "honorable enemies"

+ Uchiha noble clan taking a lot of genuine pride in *being* noble enemies

Some throw away line of "I'd rather fight an honorable enemy (Uchiha) than some despicable thieves" that resonated a bit w whatever Uchiha he had told

Maybe Izuna??

I'd love to see Izuna just being *really* fucked up ab all this

What do you MEAN you're doing this for him?? Is this... his fault? Did he ask for this somehow? The enemy he once wanted to see at his feet will now literally grovel and serve him tea like some wife if he so much as asks, but it feels... wrong. Like he didn't win this. Because he *didn't*

This is some awful perversion of the victory he'd wanted, and now he'll never *get* that victory because Madara took it upon himself to *break his rival in Izuna's place.*

And not even break him like a man, but like some sort of horse. Broken to fit into some mold of being tamed

This is not what Izuna wanted, thanks nii-san </3

@instant-bull :

honestly I love the idea of the Uchiha clan watching from the sidelines, completely confused as to what Madara is doing, freaked out about it but unable to do anything. If they wanted to "free" Tobirama, that would be an act of treachery, no? Why would they even take Tobirama's side? As far as they are concerned, Tobirama is too dangerous to just be let go...

@beatriceportinari :

now why know why so many uchiha defectrd during that time lmao

No bc exactly!!! They're so conflicted!!!

This is like their ultimate taboo behind eye stealing, and Tobirama *is* an enemy, a very very hated enemy, but this is also objectively horrifying on every level, there's for sure some speculation ab like, *are they sleeping together,* thus *is there rape involved* bc the Uchiha have VERY strict and clear rules ab genjutsu for compulsed sex (namely that *it is never ok)*

Madara is already scary, after Izuna died he apparently became a very unpopular leader, so Izuna is like 90% of his buffer with the clan. But even *Izuna* is terrified at what's happening, so he can do his best but there isn't really much buffering to be done here

@instant-bull :

I love that! Nobody is on board with Madara's freaky bullshit, but also nobody will stop him.

I only wonder what Hashirama knows and what does he think of it

@beatriceportinari :

i think he should kidnap izuna in exchange

he'd be niceys though

@instant-bull :

holy shit, that would make Madara blow tf up

Make it Hashiizu

Madara, looking at all he's done to Tobirama, looking at Hashirama and Izuna and going "there's no way that was consensual" bc he can't imagine a world where they can be together happily and willingly (bc he and Tobirama never could)

@instant-bull :

HE ACCUSES IZUNA OF DOING THE SAME THING OOOOH

Izuna would LOSE IT

@instant-bull :

and Izuna has no way of proving that he actually isn't doing fucked up shit so he's there like > : /

Madara "relationships don't work for me so love must be fake" Uchiha

@beatriceportinari :

hsizu are doing 4th dimentional chess but it's enrichment to them

It's fun chess, not whatever tf tbmd has going on

@instant-bull :

they just enjoy the courting and chasing, let them live their pride and prejudice

Leave them alone Madara!!

@beatriceportinari :

love is real mister madara !

Go back to mind fucking your husband !!!

Endgame Madara accidentally kills Tobirama (or, Tobirama successfully pressures Madara into putting him out of his misery)

Hashirama Mito and Izuna create Konoha and are a power couple together but the narrative is forever haunted by what Madara did

Madara is kept in a shed out back where he's haunted by Tobirama's vengeful ghost

Chapter 49: Once Upon A Time AU with Tobirama as Emma Swan, Madara as Regina Mills, and the curse as the Infinite Tsukuyomi

Chapter Text

Madara as Regina Mills and the Infinite Tsukuyomi as his curse, season 1 of Once Upon a Time style

Tobirama as Emma, coming in to break the curse, and Hashirama kind of filling the roll of Snow White, the brothers unable to recognize or remember each other but feeling each other's loss all the same (which in itself is kind of the greatest punishment for Izuna's death that Madara could give, save for actually killing one of them)

Maybe Kagami as Henry? Him somehow breaking through the curse and finding Tobirama and trying to bring him back to the little town of Konoha, knowing he's one of the only people who can get through to Madara. But also Tobirama doesnt remember anything anyways, so to him he's just humoring this kid

Ok actually scratch, rewind, lets take this from the top;

Ok so. Madara casts the Infinite Tsukuyomi, but instead of it being a dream it casts Konoha into the modern world, where everyone is given some role to fill in the little town of Konoha, and only Madara remembers how they all got there.

Madara sets some stuff up, like gives certain people certain roles and memories, and also bc something something magic something something the perfect dream, within the bounds of the town, Izuna + some other dead people exist. Madara isn't especially focused on the other dead, just Izuna, so he actually is partially unaware of the details of who else may have gotten revived (Itama is totally there somewhere, lost in the crowds)

Now, Madara did not truly design this town, nor the lives of the people in it. He could have, but he didn't bc he was a bit focused on just his own wants. So a lot of families got separated, things got mixed up, that sort of thing. Including the Senju brothers. Hashirama and Itama have no idea that they're siblings, and Tobirama is another ballpark all on his own.

You see, in a bit of a petty act and also a bit of paranoia bc 'something something best sensor in history' something something 'dont wanna take any chances' and also definitely a bit of last minute impulsive 'hey fuck you, I get my brother back but you dont, bitch' Madara pressed the "you are just a normal man who has no family" illusion onto Tobirama then kicked him out of town

With that said and done, Izuna by his side, Hashirama also positioned suitably close (maybe as an aid since he's Madara is the mayor?) Madara goes ahead and pats himself on the back and enters the Infinite Tsukuyomi himself, forgetting it all and able to truly live that happy, blissfully unaware life he had worked so hard for.

(Just ignore the burning fires in the background where Madara didn't think to double check if anyone else's roles lined up well with their original selves. Or the fact that Itama and some other dead people are totally wandering around in the bg, both them, their families, and even Madara none the wiser)

So anyways, just like in Once Upon a Time, time itself is pretty much frozen. No one ages, every day runs about the same, and honestly who knows how long this town has been here now-- because its residents sure as hell dont!

But then.

One day, somehow little Kagami somehow awakens the Mangekyō Sharingan, possibly through a pure chance fluke of the illusion wavering for unrelated reasons (bc it also supresses any chakra use) and Kagami's mangekyō's ability, whatever tf it is, allows him to break himself out of the genjutsu.

Making him now the only person in the town who's aware of the fact that they're all in some sort of illusion-- though the details escape him bc hes like. 13 and didn't know everything happening behind the scenes.

Oh also note, the ages and time frame of this is just all over the place and we will not think ab it too hard.

So Kagami ofc begins to investigate, he has very little idea of whats going on at all but he does quickly pick up on the fact that he can find just about anyone in Konoha here-- but not his sensei. And Sensei always knows what to do, so now he has a mission

Queue Kagami somehow tracking Tobirama down in the outside world, just like Henry did with Emma. Don't know the specifics of how tho!

So now cut to Tobirama:

First off, him as a parallel to Emma Swan is actually so good its kind of funny. I say he gets to keep being somehow able to 'know when someone is lying' (it's the traces of his obnoxiously powerful sensing abilities leaking even through the best of genjutsu)

He's some kind of private detective maybe? Idk but whatever he is, he's freelance and travels a lot

(Which helps keep attention from the fact that he, even removed from the town, does not seem to age-- something even he himself has not noticed)

So Tobirama is just living his kind of shitty, honestly a little depressing life. He has no attachments; He always feels like he's missing something or someone; He can never seem to connect with anyone, and people even seem to forget he exists when he's out of sight for too long (almost as if they're made to forget, as if he really was never meant to be here or be seen)

And then one day this tiny kid is banging on his door calling him Sensei and begging him in tears to come back to the village because everyones gone crazy and someones cast a genjutsu over EVERYONE and Izuna is somehow alive again and--

Woah woah slow down. First, who the fuck are you actually.

*insert stressed Kagami brain car crash noises here*

So yeah !! Tobirama doesn't know who tf this kid is, but he will drive him back to town and give his parents a good talking to.

Hikaku, Kagami's polite and stressed looking uncle, is very relieved to see him back home

Kagami is literally begging Tobirama to stay it's actually painful to watch and no one can understand why he's so fucking pressed about it. And for some reason, Tobirama decides to stay. But only for a little bit, you hear?

(It will not be for a little bit.)

And just like that, the clock tower begins to move, and time begins to pass once more. And both Kagami and Tobirama slowly piece together what exactly happened to get them here, and how the town might be broken out of it's enchantment

OK SO WITH THAT SET UP / PREMISE ON THE GROUND LETS TALK FUN DETAILS

So like. Tobirama and Hashirama having no idea they're brothers. Double to that, Itama is somewhere around! And no one fucking knows it!

Madara does not know what he's done, he is living his best life fr fr, but in contrast to how Hashirama and Tobirama seem to instantly click, Madara just kind of fucking hates this guy on sight for some reason. There's a lot of tension there and everyone in the office is making bets on if they're gonna kiss (Izuna has money riding on it)

So like Madara, Izuna, Hikaku and Hashirama running the mayors office n stuff, with Madara as the mayor

Tobirama eventually ends up as Sherrif just like Emma which is also irony bc smthn smthn Uchiha police force agenda or whatever. And then him and Madara regularly get into very public fights over clashing ideals

Im tied between saying that the timeline for this is like, just wishy washy "hey dont worry ab it" and tossing in Kakashi's generation + others for fun and to fill in spaces

Or saying that just like how the Infinite Tsukuyomi seemed to bring some people back to life within the boundaries of the town, there are some legit time bending aspects of it, and just like how we have people who are supposed to be dead, we also have people who just shouldn't be born yet. Fun stuff!

But like Kakashi Obito and Rin are totally around. Somwhere. Also Sakumo but Kakashi still believes his father is dead and Sakumo can no longer remember Kakashi exists (rip)

Itama is the towns one weed dealer and also a plant scientist bc I fucking refuse to give up on the stoner Itama agenda, that is my default Itama in every AU now. Oh also he's like an adult, and we're also sticking with the him and Tobirama being twins agenda

He and Tobirama meeting for the first time with sheriff Tobirama arresting him for selling weed pass would be the funniest thing

Touka is the deputy sheriff and she and Tobirama get along like a house on fire, and then bc convoluted reasons they somehow rope Itama into working w them for parole/community service or smthn. Dream team!!

But yeah thats it thats the post thanks for listening Im gonna go stare at a wall now

Chapter 50: Magical girl Izuna AU pt.2

Summary:

Less substance in this chapter compared to the previous but !!! the thrilling return of the magical girl Izuna au while I write an actual fic for it

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Continued from ch.19

Anonymous asked:

You didn't have the right to make me obsessed with your magical girl izuna au 😔

All the plots, the characters' development you wrote about, the designs, everything

DJFBDJFJF IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT?? People keep saying they're invested and I explode every time. Its consuming my brain, I'm very happy with the direction it's gone in and am almost considering trying to either write a fic or draw a comic for it fr. But like, oh man the effort it'd take

Thank you sm tho!! Take some 1am doodles for it as thanks for your ask. I'll probably try to draw more later today once I'm off work, I really wanna draw Hikaku with his cool sword facing off w a moon posessed Touka, or maybe the death-god contracted team of Tobirama Izuna and Itama. So many ideas and such little energy

About to do something unwise

Magical girl Izuna Amaterasu introduction scene,,, save me magical girl Izuna Amaterasu introduction scene,,,,

Izuna didn't pause in his fiddling of the kendo sword rack when he heard a shift behind him. Only scowling harder and hoping that whoever else was in here wouldn't bother with trying to talk to him— he really wasn't in the mood.

"I'll be out of your hair in just a sec," he said without turning. "Just wanted to—"

"My chosen."

Izuna shrieked as a soft, feminine voice spoke directly behind his ear.

It was a very strong shriek. Manly, even. Definatley not high pitched and girlish, at all. Anyone who claimed that is a filthy liar and not to be trusted.

He spun around, then shrieked louder— this time more in confusion than anything —when he was greeted with the sight of a floating, white haired girl about the size of a barbie doll. Glowing with faint ethereal light and thrummimg with what he could only describe as an 'aura of power.'

"My chosen," she said again, and Izuna chucked a kendo sword at her.

"My—" The floating girl-thing dodged the sword, batting it away with a glowing hand.

Obviously, this meant Izuna threw another one.

"My chosen, please—"

Izuna screamed wordlessly, and the girl seemed to be getting sick of his little fit now.

"Please calm yourself!"

"What the FUCK ARE YOU—!?"

"I SAID TO CALM YOURSELF!"

The shelves rattled with the force her voice, the air visibly wavering as a sudden overpowering heat exploded out through the shed.

Izuna shut up.

"GOOD." The girl cleared her throat, and lowered her voice back down, the heat and pressure suddenly gone.

"Good. I," she made a sweeping, regal gesture with her hands, closing her eyes and tilting her head up towards the sky as if to embrace some divine light. "am Amaterasu."

There was silence.

"... you may lavish me in shock and awe now."

Izuna raised a shaking hand to his forhead, checking his own temperature. "Did I hit my head today...?"

"You are not hallucinating."

"Ok well that sounds like something a hallucination would say."

"I," the girl— the... god? —said, slightly more forceful. "am Amaterasu."

"Uhuh."

"And I have chosen you, Uchiha Izuna, to be my chosen champion."

Silently, Izuna raised his hand back up to his head to recheck his temperature.

"I said you're not hallucinating."

Ok so, I'm trying to write an actual fic for my magical girl Izuna AU.

I'm writing it in the style of a show to keep with the theme, with each chapter being an "episode", and the fic being divided into "seasons" by their arcs on top of that.

I'm also planning on writing the entire season 1 arc before posting, so I can then put up a chapter every day. Don't know how long that'll take tho, might be a while

BUT !!

I'm toying with the idea of posting just the first chapter as sort of a 'pilot episode', then writing the rest of it behind the scenes and posting one by one once that's finished

Do I

Put out chapter 1 as a "pilot" episode for people to have while I write the rest (88.9%)

Don't put up chapter 1 till the whole fic is done and then post it w the rest (11.1%)

The people have spoken.

insecuremice asked:

sooo question:3 does magical girl! Tobirama have cracks like the edo tensei when he transforms bcuz of the whole ‘being overpowered by a corrupt goddess’ thing? bcuz i think that would be very neat

OHHHH YOU'RE SO SMART??? HE DOES NOW

Maybe at first it's only on his hands, which are hidden by gloves in his transformation (also note: really need to redesign that, I don't know what I was on when I made it but I didn't even give him his fur collar which is blasphemy. I am ashamed.)

But as time passes and he uses more of Kaguya's power and contracts more people, the cracks grow and grow. Till eventually even out of his transformation they're starting to appear

(Also there's something neat to be said ab it starting at his hands and like, the hands being how he makes seals in canon. Hands are important !!)

I did have sort of similar thoughts for like, him having cracks in the final battle w him falling appart at the seams, but I love the idea of it actually being just all the time. He's slowly being consumed,, a visual measure for us to see how far along he is in his battle against Kaguya's power.

Maybe normally they're like the normal, dark edo tensei cracks, but then in that final battle they're glowing white bc oOooOoOO they're overflowing with powerrrr, etc. Etc.

Or maybe they should glow red bc his tattoos?? Also an illusion to the red moon,, idk I'll figure it out

Also Touka totally has the same effect in her arm when she gets the cool special Kaguya arm, it's very cool

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Oh absoloutley, this guy has chronic pain in his fucking SOUL. He is not coming out of it unscathed, there is a price to be paid !!

Anonymous asked:

God now I am just obsessed with magical girl Izuna. It's living rent free in my head now. Thank you for this amazing concept!!!

#the magical girl izuna agenda never really stops it just goes on the backburner sometimes #chapter 1 is sitting at like 4k words and maybe hallfffway through being complete? #i got distracted by other projects but its still there. waiting. #i have someone to beta for it and everything once its done #i just need to finish chapter 1 then hopefully I can trick people into being invested in it when I post it as a 'pilot' #then feed off the comments and get motivated to keep going #im so fucking bad at sticking to a project if I dont get constant enrichmen t #i have a playlist for magical girl izuna and everything tho!!

I'm so glad that you like it!! Take a snippet from chapter 1 of the magical girl Izuna fic that's been marinating in my notes app as thanks for ur nice ask

Hikaku eyed the seat behind him, which he knew Izuna would have taken if he were here to do so. Which he wasn't. Because he was not currently here.

His cousin had yet to show up, and Hikaku had to wonder if it was because he'd slept in or if he should be worried about getting off school and being tasked with helping to hide a body.

Haha.

That was a joke.

...

...

Hikaku gave a little knock on the wood of his desk with his knuckles, just in case.

One that seemed to immediately pay off when a tap at the window next to the empty seat sent him jumping.

He leaned back, peering out the window and finding his cousin's grinning face staring right back at him through the glass.

Quietly, Hikaku eased back into his seat and pressed his hands together in prayer.

Dear lady Amaterasu, please save him from overconfident idiots with too much ego. Amen.

Anonymous asked:

hey, for the izuna magical girl au, do u have any specific thoughts of them coming back from the dead wrong and how that would be like?

have a good day

Kawarama and Itama experience different side effects of coming back wrong, probably related to the amount of times they've been brought back— 3 for Itama ans 2 times for Kawarama. Itama has the most visible signs of it, while Kawarama seems the most fine (but is arguably affected even more heavily, just in the opposite direction)

If the pattern of death and revival were to continue, only bad things would follow. As is, the fact that they're well as put together as they are is kind of a minor miracle.

There's also probably some weird shit happening to their personalities / mental states, but I haven't thought too much ab it yet and it's nothing that can't be explained away by them just being a bit weird

Notes:

Uhhh send me asks on tumblr for magical girl Izuna content if u wanna see the fic come out sooner bc I have the memory and attention span of a concussed fish and the asks really do help get the brain juice flowing
Besides that, I think this is one of the aus to get the most reception? So like thank you everyone for the kind comments on the previous mg izuna au chapter, they really do help me to write and I appreciate all of you

Chapter 51: twins Itama and Tobirama, and the secret Senju weed empire Pt.3

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 41

#going to infect everyone w my stoner itama agenda #ooohhh you wanna love my Itama ans Tobirama as twins au sooo badddd #you wanna join the stoner Itama agenda sooooooooooooo badddddd

My favorite pair of Senju twins

oh-no-its-bird 🔄

It's working.... the agenda.......

@obitoslover 🔄

That Itama looks so cute, so princess. May I give itama one of the best things I can give to a character I love? (She/her pronouns)

oh-no-its-bird 🔄

I don't see why not!

#firm believer that u can have any interpretation of any characters u want #you she/her that Itama all ur little gay heart desires

Shout out to @littlest-god for making me think about if they'd send Itama on honey pot missions. The answer is that they absoloutley would.

As already established, Itama, despite being the most visually memorable of the senju brothers, is the least recognizable of them. Carefully manufactured rumors of the third brother being sickly + him being either kept at home bc of his value and talents or sent out on the top secret missions for those same reasons made sure of that.

He got the same genes that gave Hashirama his crazy charm, with a good head on his shoulder and a clever mind and tongue, not to mention very attention grabbing looks and a mastery of any sort of mind altering drug you could think of. He's like THE ideal honey pot mission agent. You could not possibly ask for better.

Anyways just Itama being a cool honey pot agent expert behind the scenes,, I think he should get to work with training any agents that get sent out on honey pot missions once Konoha is up and running. Maybe he can write some sort of guide book? "Keeping yourself safe while guiding people to their deaths by their dick, Volume 1, by Senju Itama <3"

Official Konoha approved honeypot guide booklet,, it's taught in classes right after sex ed for years to come

Chapter 52: aroace Kakashi, his mask, and sharing the mask tradition w Sasuke

Chapter Text

Aro/ace Kakashi fic where being perceived makes his skin crawl and he wears the mask bc hes just very good looking and doesn't enjoy the attention that brings him + compounded years of him refusing to show his face would only bring more attention to him and his looks if he chose to take it off now.

But like him getting his team and noticing Sasuke is made very uncomfortable by the attention a lot of girls give him (plus the whole Sasuke fan club thing) And Kakashi, already having singled out Sasuke as being the student to see his past self in, telling him why he wears his own mask. And Sasuke copying him to try to escape some of the attention he gets. Just the mask becoming a comfort item for him bc it also helps to hide his expressions n stuff, which is useful

But like them bonding over the desire to not be perceived and be left tf alone. It'd be really funny if as a kid Kakashi kind of got the same attention Sasuke does, I'm sure being a baby genius already did get him a lot of recognition and I mean like— just look at the people surrounding him at that age that we can see. Rin, Obito, Gai, no one was normal about that kid. Rip Kakashi you never stood a chance

cool-thymus 🔄

"Rin, Obito, Gai, no one was normal about that kid." this line made me giggle 😄🤭 no one indeed.

I started thinking about why i personally would wanna wear a mask. People often tell me that i look annoyed or angry while this is just how my face is by default 😬 so imagine if one of the reasons for Kakashi to wear a mask was to hide his constant annoyance/disappointment/anger shown in his facial expressions that he couldn't control xD Sakumo's looking at his son's scornful expression as some baby knocks over his perfect sand castle and thinks "my sunny-boy will scare off all potential friends at school... i know he's a sweet little angel, but they'll run in fear. gotta do smth about it!" 😄

oh-no-its-bird 🔄

I love this actually, and it's only made funnier if you consider the fact that Kakashi would have to make his expressions more and more exaggerated to communicate them w the mask— meaning it probably only made his scowl worse

Chapter 53: stereotypically evil racist Tobirama still fucks his way through the Uchiha clan bc comedy

Chapter Text

I don't like the "tobirama was actually super racist and evil" takes for multiple reasons, but I have to admit that it's incredibly funny to me to think about that take in the context of one of those "tobirama time travels/edo tenseis and is revealed to have *gasp* loved an Uchiha once—?!??"

Like. Ok: fic w a stereotypically "all Uchiha are evil they are born to fall victim to their own hatred" Tobirama, but it's also one of those silly cracky fics where Tobirama gets edo tenseid and is revealed to have been in some kind of relationship with Madara

And everyone is like "omg,, maybe he wasn't racist after all? Was he... in love? 🥺"

But no. He is. And actually the messy break up was specifically bc he was Uchiha racist or whatever and wanted to end the relationship before "things get too serious and you fall victim to your curse of hatred"

(spoilers: him saying this directly to Madara's face did not help with any of his mental or anger issues. Curse of hatred ain't shit but a mentally unstable man who almost learned to forgive his brothers killer only to be told straight to his face that he is a man born to do nothing but hate and Tobirama will not love him for both of their own good— yeah that's a different story.)

Tobirama finds Madara doing his evil maniac thing or whatever and is like "tch. Told u it would happen,,"

Madara stops the slaughter just to yell at Tobirama ab how this doesn't prove SHIT.

Make it funnier actually, Tobirama has slept with multiple Uchiha. All the Uchiha. Mr Uchiha bicycle over here. That's including Izuna too.

Still hates them tho btw. Incredibly genuinley just actually racist. Clanist? Is it racism if it's a clan and not a race? Whatever.

Hashirama is like listing off this (honestly alarmingly long) list of Uchiha partners he's had as he just kind of stands there and everyone else have differently favored reactions of either "was the nidaime a whore?" or "omg,,, he must really like Uchiha,, how could he possibly be racist when he's been with so many 🥺🥺"

(Spoilers x2: you can absoloutley be racist while having some sort of fetish for a group of people at the same time. Those are statements that can co-exist.)

The real reason Danzo hates the Uchiha isn't just bc of Tobirama's racism being passed down, it's bc he walked in on him taking backshots from Hikaku, pass it on. He could have been bad but not genocide level racist against the Uchiha but that just kind of tipped the scales. Unfortunate tbh.

I am so sorry I'll see myself out now

oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Study me like one of your French girls

Comments

@ohai-there:

The hate sex would go crazy hard with racist tbrm... u know how there's those people who are like... who're such haters that they're just circling around into obsession like - he's spending all his spare time thinking about Uchihas more than Uchihas think about Uchihas

@oh-no-its-bird:

Nah bc there are so many stories ab weirdo racist people having just the most intense fetishist for the groups they're bigoted towards its wild. Fully embrace that w whatever the actual fuck Tobirama is on in this au, he's fucking every other Uchiha he runs into while telling himself it's for science or smthn. He's a FREAK about it.

Also why do these Uchiha keep falling for his charm bc there's really only so many he can sleep with before it starts getting weird that they keep accepting his advances. The mentally unwell obsessed Uchiha rizz is just that good on this guy ig

@lessnowon:

racist tobirama hoing his way through the uchiha like "this is only in order to study the curse of hatred. because of science." 💀

@oh-no-its-bird:

You get it

@lessnowon:

😭 im cackling over this. he's the worst
racist!tobirama: *dumps madara and sleeps with all of his clanmates*
madara: >:0
r!tbrm: 🙄 the curse of hatred strikes again i see

Chapter 54: Early day Konoha as seen by the Hatake

Chapter Text

#my current favorite of the hatake ocs to think ab is the twins I originally tossed in as a throw away line in ome step three steps #Ive mapped out a lot for them actually #They're besties w a Nara and the trio of them are like little lackeys to the Hyuuga heir #but like. Only bc its funny. #The Hyuuga heir is like half their height and only 2 quarters their age and they think it's hilarious to go #“Yes boss of course boss u know I love u more than anyone (including my clan) boss 🥺” #“Uncooth Hatake dogs” “woof <3” #the hyuuga heir is also the one w mad beef with Kurumi #and also they get to die young too bc I dont like making ocs that actually alter canon #i prefer making ocs that just fill the void and leave everything canon compliant #so the heir gets to die like a week before theyre supposed to become clan head #and their younger sibling takes the cake instead and is left with MAJOR complexes bc of it <3 #oh also the Hatake twins Nara bestie dies with them #its very fun I promise #The Nara's last words are smthn alomg the lines of “I always knew you lunatics would get me killed” (affectionatley) #then they do a suicide run or smthn and fight to their lasy breaths yayyy drama

I kind of ended up w a small pile of Hatake ocs and lore to fill the early konoha timeline void, and a big thing is like. They all die to preserve the narrative. A lot of them very young bc again, made to fill the time line, so logically, there had to be some Hatake kids/teenagers who met an unfortunate end.

So I'm kinda sitting here considering a 4 part fic where each chapter revolves around a specific Hatake and their inevitable death, w maybe a bonus chapter at the end being about Sakumo

"Death of the Wolves," the unfortunate end of the Hatake's, told in 4 parts

The Hatake's helped set the Konoha standard rule of "a team can only be made up of so many % of one clan" (with special exceptions) after a large chunk of them got sent on a mission together bc of their specializations and all wound up dead, wiping out a solid 90% of the clan in one night.

Actually, expanding on that bc the tragedy is so good -> I already established that in my time line, the Hatake head, Haruka (Sakumo's mother, Tobirama and Hashirama's aunt) died under a week after Tobirama's death, and she would have lead that failed mission. Does that mean one of Hiruzen's first acts as war time Hokage resulted in the accidental slaughter of his beloved dead Sensei's mother's clan? That's amazing actually, so much drama there. I bet him Danzo and Kagami argued like crazy after that monumental fuck up, probably went on to define how he feels ab being Hokage / what that entails. Fun times!

Anyways, I'd also be very interested in exploring early konoha politics n stuff. Especially from the multiple views of not the people in charge of making the village but the ones who are living in it. The view from the ground up, instead of looking down from the tower. The younger generations being brought to this new village, going from their isolated clan lands to suddenly being surrounded by others their age from different clans, possible for the first time ever depending on their age and their clans level of secrecy.

Also, I really wanna poke at the outsider pov of Madara and other founders— but mostly Madara bc I find his downfall very fun to think about, especially from the POV of someone not in his clan.

I'm so in love w the take of the Hatake's being fond of Madara bc "he'd make a very good Hatake." Something about the two tropes of the Uchiha being a clan that loves love and the Hatake being a clan w similar values when it comes to family and loyalty just meshes so well.

Comedy moment where Haruka is weirdly insistent on Madara potentially marrying into the clan, not even for the politics or anything but specifically bc she NEEDS a cute squishy Hatake baby with his massive hair. She NEEDS IT, MADARA.

Anyways also just the early konoha inter clan drama but like. From the eyes of the clan kids. The Uchiha kids seem to be having some sort of terf war with the Senju— but it was interrupted by the Hyuuga, and now the Senju and Uchiha kids are somehow banding together against the Hyuuga? But oh no now the Nara kids are teaming up w the Hyuuga, and the Hatake kid (singular bc there's literally only like 1) seems to have an actual blood feud going on with the Hyuuga clan heir— but the older Hatake teenagers are fond of the Hyuuga's baby clan heir so it's just a mess. All the clan drama but with none of the tragedy bc everyone involved is a child.

Meanwhile the older clan members are somehow bonding over their children's fights bc they're all struggling to pull them away, or going "what the fuck do you mean you teamed up with the SENJU??" Then sharing a disbelieving Look(tm) w the opposing Senju's parents before realizing what they just did and having a crisis of faith ab it

Meanwhile the teenagers are having a wonderful time, especially those from smaller more isolated clans like the Hatake. There's so much romantic drama, there's probably a whole shinobi soap opera happening in that direction. Hormonal shinobi teenagers from opposing clans just got dropped into the same dating pool it's gonna be a MESSSS.

Even funnier if you take crumbs from my senju weed empire au and like. Some of these clans regularly smoke n stuff. Meanwhile other clans have never touched a psychedelic in their life. Some are especially vulnerable to drugs due to heightened senses (Orochi, Inuzuka, Hatake) while others have been smoking since they were younger and have an insane tolerance and very much distorted views of a reasonable amount of weed to smoke (Senju, Nara, Shiranui) There is no way in hell that goes well. Someone is going to get fucked up in a MAJOR way.

Well-intentioned Nara accidentally gets a bunch of dog wired guys and one snake high out of their fucking minds, the high lasts a full week for some of them and one sometimes wonders if they ever really came down from it

Anyways I got a bit off track but yeah! Early Konoha fic that revolves around the daily lives of differently aged Hatake ocs, taking a look from different angles of Konoha and all the silly clan drama and daily lives of an early Konoha shinobi— each chapter being different degrees of generally lighthearted, but ending in the Hatake's death. The fact that each Hatake is in with a different crowd and is a different age would make it even more fun and easier to explore the different layers Konoha has to offer! It's for sure on my list of things I wanna write

(Also I'd really love to have it just so I can point to it as a good introduction for my Hatake ocs. I love tricking people into learning ab my ocs it's great)

Continues on Chapter 74

Chapter 55: (Demon slayer crossover) kagaya ubuyashiki gets zapped to naruto

Chapter Text

Ok so I love demon slayer, I love naruto, I love crossovers and I do think that the most interesting crossover you could get between the two is by including Kagaya Ubuyashiki as a major player

In Narutoland, leaders are leaders due to strength. The Kage's are the strongest around, and it makes sense bc in a warrior society ofc you want your leaders to be strong.

Kagaya is very much not that, and I wanna play with it. There's just something so fascinating ab the leader of so many scarily strong people being a soft spoken and kind man who physically could not fight if he wanted to, but is still willing to embrace The Horrors when need be. Really big contrast to Naruto, I like it

Anyways umm

Fic where after Kagaya Ubuyashiki blows up his fucking house w the wife and kids, he and maybe also the wife and kids end up zapped to Naruto.

Immediatley like, there is no Muzan here. There are no demons. Kagaya's curse to bear is over, the weight lifted from his shoulders. He has done all that he can do. He gets to retire now.

So just Kagaya trying to settle in to retirement in another world, struggling w the fact that he's like. Penniless now. Sickly young master lost all his fucking wealth and buisness investments, not much he can do there.

But no matter what he does he's too fucking charismatic and eye catching to not gain some kind of notoriety. I think it'd be funny if he's legit trying to live his best life but people keep swearing allegiance to him. He's just wandering around trying to find a way to make money and not die and accidentally picking up Deidara before Akatsuki can.

He like compliments his art by acknowledging that there is beauty in everything, even destruction. And Deidara is eyeing him like ",,,maybe this old man is ok,, I guess,,, oh no wait he's a CIVILIAN?? And also fucking useless at everything???? Man I guess I HAVE to stick around and protect him. Wow what a bummer. I guess I have no choice... and also if he pats me on the head and calls me a good boy and feeds into my many ignored complexes then that's also whatever......"

Kagaya actually just keeps running into Akatsuki members and getting varying levels of "this guy is alright I guess (if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in the room then myself)"

He's collecting a little army of shinobi with daddy issues (every shinobi ever let's be real) by pure accident

Dw Kagaya, you don't need to worry about those medical bills bc u are now the sugar baby of multiple criminal organizations! (Don't think about it too hard)

Obito gets the worst of it, he sees Kagaya and gets flashbacks to his ailing grandmother and suddenly can't unsee it. Kagaya seems to see through his Tobi act seamlessly, and still reaches out to touch his scarred face without a single twitch of his smile and says he can feel a good man in that heart of his. Obito explodes immediatley and has to retreat for 7-10 buisness days to deal with the sudden onslaught of Feelings(tm)

Akatsuki slowly becomes good bc Kagaya learns of some of their plans and gives Obito a dissaproving frown and the psychic damage is so strong that Obito immediatley goes "ok I guess we don't HAVE to kill the children." And he just frowns harder and Obito twitches and goes ",,, or the adults. I guess. If u really think so."

obitoslover 🔄

Tl;dr Kagaya solves all the problems cuz most characters have daddy issues and he's such a good person

oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Kagaya had his stint as demon slayer Jesus (he who died for our sins, rip praise be amen) now its time for him to go get to be naruto Jesus (after Izuna ofc, may he rest in infuriated peace)

^ no but this exactly tho, pointing at it nodding along enthusiastically

Embrace the Kindhearted Main Character Effect(tm) both Kagaya and Tanjiro share where everyone is just so immediatley taken with their nature,, and really embrace it but now take the naruto world and canon and play it totally straight. What happens when you have this so genuinely kindhearted man, who almost seems to be able to enchant anyone around him with his spirit and softness alone, and you drop him into the abject horror that is naruto? Especially when he himself also comes from a pretty bad off world, and has seen all sorts of horrors. He won't flinch in the face of your horrors and terrible truths, but embrace you in spite of them

He's seen the face of pure evil itself, died to it, and smiled.

I want to see him witnessing the horrors of naruto and doing the same

Chapter 56: (TMA crossover) Uchiha bastard Jon, Inuzuka Daisy, and how The Fears and TMA canon might occur in naruto

Summary:

naruto canon happens as it does but Jon, Daisy, and other TMA characters are reenacting a ninja-ized version of TMA in the bg. And yes, that means a body hopping, eye stealing Elias Bouchard playing political games with Danzo

Chapter Text

#I know theres totally an argument to be made for Nara Jon but I just think its more fun if he still gets his beholding fuckery in some way #also eyes #you cant pass up an eye motif

TMA naruto au time buckle up,

Jon should get to be a half Uchiha bastard who has an infamously hard time controlling his sharingan.

His mangekyo (which he gets very very young when he accidentally leads a bully to their death at the hands of a nukenin with a love of spiders) basically acts as his beholding abilities and can allow him to compel people to sit still and answer anything he asks of them, which gets really messy when you consider a) shinobi society is built on secrets, and b) he has a really hard time turning it off

His visions absoloutley fucked but whatever bloodline his father was from seems to have caused the deterioration of his eyes to stop where it is— and is also the cause of why he has extra difficulty w it's flip switch

Anyways, Inuzuka Daisy or Hatake Daisy, I can't decide. Either way shes wolf coded as fuck and also in a similar boat of being absoloutley shit at controlling her bloodline. She and Jon are so problem child coded, and I think part of the reason she hates him as kids is bc she sees a lot of herself in him but like, at her worst. All of her issues but he just lays down and takes it when she fights tooth and nail against anyone who so much looks at her wrong. They are opposite ends of the spectrum and she's hyper aware of it

I think that when they're older they should get to go on a mission together and basically the whole coffin thing happens but with like an enemy nin w an earth chakra type.

Mmm alternatively tho, sprinkle in hints of the dreaded fears and play w the beasts and yokai of naruto canon, pull some spooky shit.

They get in over their heads, coffin happens, Jon goes back for her then we end with them both just kind of looking at eachother like "there are things in this world we can not comprehend."

Mmm, naruto version of the fears,,, that could be fun. Incorporate the bijuu maybe, idk

Anyways, Daisy hates Jon, coffin time happens and Jon escapes but then goes back for her (if she's a Hatake, this could also play interestingly w parallels to Kakashi) and they come out of the whole thing having Seen Thing(tm) and are irriversably changed and also now very much edging into co-dependant besties territory

Can u tell I'm a big fan of the Daisy and Jon besties agenda bc I so am

Moving on to the others ->

I want to say civilian Martin? I don't have much for him tbh, it'd be cool if he was like distantly related to Haku tho. Give him the cool ice mirror bloodline limit or whatever bc smthn smthn the lonely.

Mmm ok acrually hear me out: civilian Martin who's trying very hard to avoid shinobi things. He's actually a defected Kiri nin who forged a new identity for himself and fled to Konoha to start a new life after the bloodline hunts back in Kiri killed his whole family (except for Haku, but he doesn't know he's still alive) He's trying very hard to fly under the radar, but I doubt he'll succeed for long

I want him to look like all those fun lonely avatar fan arts of him w the sharp teeth, white streaked hair, dulled looking skin and kinda fishy vibes overall actually, but like he uses a seal to keep a permanant henge on him to look normal bc hes very visibly Kiri otherwise

Tim is giving me Yamanaka vibes for some reason. I like that also bc then we could possibly get him and Jon working together in T&I, which like yay parallel to how they used to work together before the archives

Sasha is giving me civilian born shinobi vibes, I think she should get to work in the hokage tower. Paper pusher with big dreams of moving up the latter and really being someone one day. She has her eyes dead set on a position in the Hokage's office

Basira is ,,, somewhere. You really can't have Daisy without her that's just illegal but I'm not too sure where to put her. Civilian born Basira kinda suits her but I'm ngl I'm kinda eyeing Nara Basira. Wait no fuck ok, Nara Basira and she was on a 3 man unit with Tim at one point, now they just need a Akimichi to complete the narashikacho trifecta there

She totally works in T&I now, or maybe with the Uchiha police force? It's like 90% Uchiha but I'm pretty sure some other clans are spotted here in there among them, and if they're not, I mean, I don't actually give a shit so .

I don't know if this is one of those aus where canon is still there but we're just adding tma characters into the mix or if it's just vague naruto setting but tma characters are our focus / replacing the main cast. But I think it's the first. If it was the second tho I'd say Elias as Danzo in a heartbeat

But since it's the first, Nara Elias who got a mysterious eye transplant years ago that seemed to have changed his personality entirley (were totally keeping the body hopping shit, rip the real Nara Elias who's been dead for years)

He's a slimy politician who works closely with Danzo

Ok so main narrative:

I'm thinking the coffin thing happens with Daisy and Jon, and now they're kind of eyes open to the existence of whatever version of the fears exist in this world. Jon is Jon and can't let sleeping dogs lie, and Daisy is Daisy and does her twitchy "there's something dangerous out there I can't control/don't know about" thing so she's really not stopping him, but she is helping him be more smart about it. Sometimes. They're both kind of lose canons tbh holy shit this is gonna be a disaster

So Jon gets kind of obsessed w whatever the FUCK that was, and Elias smells blood in the water and approaches

Idk what's going on with Elias but he's still body hopping bitch boy Jonah here. He's very involved in the fears, and he's had his eyes on Jon for a while. You see, the way that avatars manifest in Naruto world is that sometimes they'll often show their influence through bloodlines— Nara the dark, Yamanaka the beholding, Inuzuka the hunt, it's all there if you look for it.

Those in 'the know' believe that all bloodline limits came from the fears— sometimes their influence shows more than others. And very very rarley, that influence becomes a a bit more... potent, than in others.

Elias believes that Jon is one such instance of this, his strange mangekyo being so painfully and terrifyingly beholding coded, far more than his clansmen who's own mangekyo tend to branch off lightly into territories of different fears.

Jon (and Daisy, but Elias has a clear favorite here) running into such a strong instance of the buried, which is rare on its own, has only made Elias even more interested, taking it as some sort of sign that there really is something especially odd about Jon's unusually strong link to the fears.

Anyways, Elias sponsoring Jon's investigation into the fears, their links to the bijuu, how they interact with chakra and if they might truly be the source of modern bloodline limits.

Konoha secret supernatural task force (not to be confused with ROOT or ANBU) meant to monitor the fears influence in Konoha,,,

(God, of course Elias couldn't help but make his own fucking secret service in opposition to ROOT. He couldn't let Danzo upstage him)

Just like how ANBU has their shoulder seal and ROOT the tongue seal, I'm thinking their seal is a stylized eye on the back of their neck, which ofc Elias is always watching through, rip

Oh fuck, actually give me seal master Elias and his special spy seals he can watch and listen through. It's not a power thing it's just a specialization thing— he has his own eye tattoo that allows him to directly see through all his seals at any time.

Anyways we're calling this organization ARCHIVE bc I am a simple gal. Don't ask what it's supposed to stand for in verse, idk

Idk who else should be in it, or if it should be like ground up and Daisy and Jon are the first. Wait what the fuck am I saying, Gertrude and Gerry obviously. Michael Shelly too, can't forget him

Toss in Mike Crew and Jude Perry also just bc I like them. Maybe Nikola and an Aburame Jane Prentiss? But also idk if I'd want to put them in the position where they're technically working under Elias, I feel like that just doesn't fit. Better to leave them out in the wold to run into instead for conflict. Except Mike Crew, who is my favorite little guy and who should get to be here on loan from Elias' friend and Daimyo's court shinobi, Simon Fairchild

Honestly be funny if Kakashi was in it at one point just bc then he'd have been in all 3 konoha secret services and honestly? Hilarious. Someone give that guy a fucking break oh my god

Obviously Tim, Sasha, Martin and Basira all eventually join in, tho idk how. Maybe Jon is actually asked who would be a good choice for it? Jon says Tim and Daisy says Basira, then they both kinda eye Sasha who's been very fucking vocal ab needing just a chance to get her claws into the hooks of the Konoha power ladder and reccomend her too

Martin is the tricky one, I'm thinking Elias somehow finds out ab his Kiri background and has always wanted to poke more at the lonley's very visible connection to many kiri bloodlines— but Martin's in particular. So he kinda blackmails him into it, but framed in a more friendly "I'll make sure you don't have to hide anymore, I can secure your place in Konoha even with your ancestry :)"

Also maybe he was impressed by Martin's disguise seals, that'd be neat. Seal master Martin but he's Martin so he's like "Ah, I'm really not that good at it :("

(Jon is infuriated by his seemingly natural talent then even more infuriated when it becomes clear he's actual shit at most other shinobi things)

Ok so peddle it back to Mr Jonah eye fuckery Magnus here -> he was once like Jon. A man born into a clan w a link to the beholding, with a light eye themed bloodline limit. But he was born with a stronger tie to their patron than the others, strong enough to recognize they had a patron at all. And by feeding into it (don't ask me how I have no clue) he was able to strengthen that tie, gaining more power, and the ability to body hop through eyes

And he looks at Jon and wonders if he can replicate that in him. Groom him into something closer to their god, then feed him to the beholding to further his own power, which seems to have stagnated in growth.

I think also there's just a good amount of spite for ROOT and hunger for political power that he might get from ARCHIVE, and Jon is a clear fit for it, so like. Add him to the pile !!

I have a couple more vague thoughts for this -> the archive tunnels correlating to ROOT tunnels, the real Elias being childhood friends w Danzo and Hiruzen before Magnus took his body, Madara off in his cave somewhere being influenced by a Zetsu who serves the fears instead of Kaguya, etc.

But I'll leave it here for now, thank u for ur time

@optimizerr 🔄

I somewhat like the idea of the Elias body hopping being something like Orochimaru’s cursed seals! obviously bonus points for the Elias-Jon and Orochimaru-Sasuke parallels and the whole fucked up mentor/potential host thing they have going on.

idk I have Thoughts on this beyond what I can type out, if only because tattooing a seal into the back of someone’s eyes sounds like such a fun way to incorporate the body horror aspect of TMA into the Naruto world! like part of the procedure is removing the eyes for the sealing process, but you’re still keeping those nerves mostly connected for the sake of putting them back into the socket. all this to say, there’s a non-zero chance that you will end up literally watching your other eye be removed and sealed *while it is still connected to your skull* and that just makes my skin crawl lol

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

OHHHH YOURE SO SMART??

Holy shit why didn't I think of that

Also like. Uchiha Jon being an Uchiha, permitting someone to remove and brand his eyes. SO fucked up. SO many cultural implications. No matter how that goes he is feeling things about it

I meed a scene of Elias very creepily going, "You know, some say the eyes are the window to your soul. It's not that I disagree, of course. It's just that I, personally, think they're so much more than just a window."

Which is to say -> What if the seal also compacts your soul into your eyes when you die, which is the technique Elias is using to keep himself alive (still body hopping via eye transplant) But also means he can keep his toy soldiers... well, not alive. He's not going to revive them, not when most died because he tossed them away on purpose.

But to preserve them, and of course their memories. All that juicy information, perfect for feeding to his patron (whether it actually rewards him for it or not)

Elias and his collection of ARCHIVE branded eyes,, he feeds the cast offs to the beholding and keeps the ones he think might be useful later, like Gertrudes

I think the brand only starts to record/collect your soul and memories from the moment it was put onto you, which also means if you die and your eyes are transplanted into a new body, you can only actually remember / are the person you were starting from when the moment the brand was sealed into your eyes. A half life, starting from when you pledged yourself to Elias <3

If they're put back into your old body then ur fine tho, but like. That's assuming your old body is still functional. If you die of smthn and the eyes are left there, with a still open wound, you're just stuck in a never ending cycle of half-consious death till your eyes rot enough to break the seal. But if your body is healed up and functional, you'll be ok

Tough fucking luck if you die of disease or old age

This also gives Elias a cool fucked up backstory of how he quite literally killed the young man he once was, only able to remember his life from the moment that he was so consumed by his own ambition that he gouged his own eyes out to have branded.

Mmm are the eyes even really the same person or are they just a perfect copy. If a perfect clone of you exists with all of your memories up to the second, who's to say who the real one is? Yay existential crisis!

You're actually so fucking smart ab the Orochimaru and Sasuke reflection in Elias-l and Jon I can not BELIEVE I didn't see that

Also got me thinking ab Sasuke which got me thinking ab the Uchiha Massacre which got me thinking—

Ok so. I can see this going 2 ways:

Route 1 ->

Elias smells Danzo cooking something up for the Uchiha. He doesn't know what but he doesn't really care, but he does start dropping casual "haha Danzo have I introduced you to my special little boy yet? Jon? I'd be sooo mad if anything happened to him yk? Just soooo mad, oh man I might even try to (gasp) cause problems? Not for you of course but just in general, yk, if someone fucked him up before I was done playing w him 💅"

And Danzo goes "holy shit fuck OFF Elias."

",,,, but also Itachi,, don't kill that one."

And Itachi, 12 years old and phsycing himself up to murder his parents and also literal babies in their cribs in an hour, is like "are you fucking serious right now"

So anyways Itachi spares Jon for "unknown reasons" that WILL haunt the narrative and also Sasuke and also very much Jon. Maybe he gives him a non fatal blow that's supposed to make it look like he survived via coincidence but like. Jon Knows(tm) it was on purpose

Very torn up ab it, Jon is absoloutley smelling conspiracy and following that trail HARD

Danzo is telling Elias to come get his fucking dog and Elias his huffing and rolling his eyes like "mmmmm if I havvveee too,,"

Route 2 ->

Elias does no meddling (or maybe he does but is ignored)

Its actually Tobi that kills Jon with a clean slice to the throat, but bc of the ARCHIVE seal in his eyes keeping his soul in place, he's stuck in that never ending loop of death

(Distant narrative implications of Jon actually experiencing the fear of the End here)

He's lucky enough that his pulse is checked when he's more alive than dead, and he's rushed to the hospital where he reportedly dies several times on the operating table (wow what a miracle he survived that! Truly extraordinary!)

Then when his body is healed up enough, he's stabilized enough to properly come back. Yay ARCHIVE seal! I'm sure that wasn't traumatic at all.

So uhh, bad news Danzo! There's another survivor of the Uchiha massacre, one who's backed by a major political figure in town, who's very well known as being a truth seeker and guy who always knows what's up, and he's very loudly telling everyone who will listen that it wasn't Itachi who killed everyone!! (He didn't actually see Itachi at all, died too soon/wasn't in the right area of the compound)

Rare Elias w, he's not gonna let Danzo dissapear his boy and also he thinks this is way too funny + karma + beneficial for him if Jon keeps talking so he won't tell him to shut up either!

Oops, sorry Danzo. Maybe u should have spared his special little guy after all </3

Meanwhile Sasuke is latching on to Jon so hard it hurts and also hearing that it wasn't Itachi and wanting to believe it SO badly. Idk if he'd really truly believe his brother was innocent or not but GOD he'd want to

I think Jon got a question in before Obito slashed him, so maybe he got some sort of "why are you doing this?" / "who are you?" Comoelled out of Obito (tho bc of the situation he only actually heard half of whatever Obito replied)

So like not only does he have another suspect to hand over to Konoha he has possible motive too!! Or smthn idk

I think I like option 2 the best, I feel like dying but refusing to actually die works well with Jon and also the tie in to the ARCHIVE seal is really fun. I imagine that at that point in the story, he doesn't actually know what the seal does in terms of forcibly keeping him alive. So for readers it'd be a [shrug] "Yeah that's Jon alright, dying on the oppoerating table 12 times wasn't enough tbh" moment

But one that later in the fic with the full extent of the eye seals revealed, would be totally recontextualized

Anyways uhhh. Incredibly dysfunctional family of Daisy and Jon trying to raise Sasuke, thank u for ur time.

Chapter 57: obkk modern au where theyre lifelong best friends online and lifelong enemies who fucking HATE eachother irl

Chapter Text

Obkk modern au where where Kakashi and Obito are online friends who have never seen eachothers faces. It's a years long friendship (and mutual silent crush) where they've helped eachother through what was truly the darkest parts of eachothers lives.

But irl they also happen to know eachother from childhood due to having gone to the same schools and shared the same classes, and they fucking DESPISE the other. You can not stick them in a room without someone starting a fight.

When they interact irl, play into specifically the early dynamics of obkk, with kind of superficially happy/dumb Obito and a "follow the rules to the letter" grumpy overachiever Kakashi

But when they're online, play more into the older obkk dynamic.

Where Obito shows that he has a pretty big mean streak/humor and a serious talent for playing dumb; where he overlays his happier side irl for just social reasons.

While Kakashi shows he's actually super lazy and imperfect with most other factors of his life outside of work/school (and ofc downplays his actual work ethic when it comes to work/school, framing himself as doing bare minimum when he should really do more (bc he genuinley believes that)) and has a pretty wicked sense of humor himself, a love of over-romantic, fluffy porn, and a habit of using endless "cute" emotocons

Kk: Did my proposal today, it was so bad... I really slacked off this time on it. I was so nervous they'd tell me no (｡﹏｡")

Kk: I guess the other presentations must have been pretty bad too because they picked mine anyways? I feel so lucky (╥﹏╥)

Ob: it's ok even if you tried your best!! Im proud you were able to do even as much as you did.

Ob: I'm glad you got it, at least one of us won their proposal today. That jackass had a fucking 30 slide detailed slide with 6 DIFFERENT PIE CHARTS and a scheduled water break inbetween. Fucking kissass

Kk: nooo im sorry ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀)

Ob: it's whatever. Just glad you got the thing :)

Ob: want me to kill your boss tho.

Kk: lol

Kk: I'll help hide the body ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

And then one day Obito does some sort of very mean prank on Kakashi. And it goes uhh. Badly.

I mean, badly for Kakashi. Obito thinks it went great!

That is till he gets home and finds his best friend for a decade, and crush for even past that decade, texting him about a very specific mean prank that got pulled on them.

Wait. No. Wait. WAIT. FUCK.

So like. Obito is a bit conflicted now. He doesn't know what to really do here??? Like. What if it ruins everything with his best friend??? But also hey best friend why the FUCK are you such a BITCH.

But also also, suddenly Obito is recontextualizing SO many of their interactions— from Kakashi suffering the devistating loss of his father when he was especially annoying, to explanations of why he reacted certain ways. And oh my god Obito is... also a kind of a bitch???

Obito has NO idea what to do and is just swinging so violently back and forth on what are really his only two options.

And sometimes he's like gleefully feeling vindictive bc after arguing with irl Kakashi, online Kakashi is ranting about "that same asshole again" at work, so Obito is like "I KNEW it was getting to u, haha you're NOT better than me after all!!!"

But then later he feels kinda bad about it bc like. Aw wait no he actually might have genuinley hurt the person he loves. And also he doesn't want to lose getting to see the real Kakashi, a mix of both of his masks, by fucking this up and choosing wrong.

Anyways Kakashi finally somehow figures it out on his own, they fight, they make up, they make out.

The end yay happy ending

There's an alternate universe where neither of them every found out about eachother and continued to be friends online and hate eachother to escalating degrees offline. But one day they start to slowly shift in dynamics. Irl they get closer and online they get so much angrier and more distant. Till we've swapped and now online they just have this GIANT fallout but offline they're actually in love now. And this continues till they're about to get married/no longer on speaking terms with eachother. And so on their wedding day they reach out again online but ONLY to hate on eachother like "oooo fuck you I'm so happy rn I just got MARRIED."

"Oh yeah you bitch??? So did I. And my husbands better than anything your ugly ass could ever pull"

"FUCK YOU MY HUSBANDS FUCKING AMAZING AND YOURS IS PROBABLY LOOKS AND ACTS LIKE SHIT"

"OH YEAH????"

"YEAH!!!"

"PROVE IT!"

And then they very sharply turn and take simultaneous photos of eachothers furious faces and then angrily, instinctivley press send.

And then they stop. And then they have a moment of dead silence.

And then they begin to have an actual, physical fist fight in front of the uncut wedding cake with ALL of their friends and families watching. And the photographers with their very ready cameras.

There was a lot of cake.

Yeah that was ah uhh. Interesting

The good news at least is now they have a photo of them fist fighting like they want to kill eachother while covered in wedding cake in a frame that says "happy marriage <3" on it, and they like to joke about it (to many, many peoples horror)

The end yay happy ending x2

If I were to write this fr I think I'd legally have to write both versions bc both are excellent

Chapter 58: Chasing Shadows inspired Kakashi and Fugaku time travel to the warring states au

Chapter Text

Chasing Shadows inspired time travel au where Fugaku and Kakashi get zapped to the warring states, but things become tricky when they keep looking to Hikaku as their shared "figure of respect/responsibility" (bc hes the Uchiha head in future Konoha, having lasted long enough to make Fugaku his heir) when at this time he's just barley third in command and Madara is like. RIGHT there.

That's not even mentioning the ticking time bomb of "Kakashi looks like Tobirama did as a child" that's already been established, that's gonna cause problems (half-Hatake Tobirama who's Kakashi's blood uncle agenda goes brrr)

(For those who don't know what Chasing Shadows is, all u really need to know for this is that Kakashi is 6, Fugaku is 19, and Hikaku is the acting Uchiha clan head at 76. A week after his fathers suicide, Kakashi found out he's related to Tobirama via his grandmother, projects on him really fucking hard, and eventually ends up with Hikaku acting as one of multiple mentor figures to him.)

Fugaku, aware that the Uchiha compound of this era isn't uhh. The best place for a Hatake kid who resembles one of their greatest enemies to a suspicious degree: "maybe u should leave actually. Go shack up with the Senju or smthn"

Kakashi, now heavily biased towards the Uchiha bc of Hikaku and Fugaku: "ok but why."

Izuna, standing directly behind him holding a giant mallet:

The Uchiha are arguing ab what they should do w Kakashi and if they should like. Take him as political hostage (assuming, not entirely incorrectly, that he's related to Tobirama and Hashirama) but also like. The Hatake are an isolated clan that famously react very fucking badly when their kids are threatened. So is this a potential political tool for them to use or a ticking time bomb to when they accidentally potentially get a new clan (who's already allied to the Senju) involved in their feud.

The Uchiha writing to Tobirama and Hashirama like "we have ur secret little brother/cousin(?) come talk to us now or he gets it"

"You have our what."

Hashirama is going "ahaha oh nooo my secret little brother,, who I love very much and also know exactly who ur talking about but would love it if u could send a portrait or chakra signature or smthn just to make sure its the right kid,,, u know how it is <3"

I feel like I've used that beat before actually. Which one of my like 20 Kakashi to warring states time travel aus have I pulled this in?? Possibly multiple tbh

Anyways Hashirama also going "oh nooo u have my baby brother,, I guess we have no choice but to talk andmaybedopeace"

Anyways. I need a Hikaku focused character study sooo badd,, the pipe he uses in Chasing Shadows is Madara's, have I mentioned that yet? Bc it totally is and no one really knows that and like. Hikaku sure as fuck won't mention it bc it'd really only bring bad things

Kakashi and Fugaku are making surprised Pikachu faces at Hikaku like every time they see him, neither can get over seeing him this young and not blind and also not in charge. It's unnatural.

Even logically knowing that they can't just place their full trust in him bc hes not their Hikaku, they still can't stop themselves from doing it accidentally— Fugaku is his ward, he was raised by the guy. And Kakashi is a moody 6 year old who only has like 5 actually trusted adult figures in his life and only 3 of those he gives actual respect and Hikaku is one of those 3.

That's totally gonna fuck them over in the future bc, again, Hikaku doesn't know them!!! His clan and his loyalty to Madara + Izuna will always come first over these odd strangers, sorry

Maybe throw Mikoto in too, who's Izuna's granddaughter (that resemblance is gonna cause issues) and Fugaku's begrudging fiance (Hikaku said Fugaku could become clan head on ONE condition— marrying Izuna's granddaughter back into the main line), could be fun

Maybe I'll try to write smthn like this once I'm more into the meat of chasing shadows and have set up the Hikaku-Fugaku-Kakashi dynamic enough that people are invested in it

Chapter 59: Orochimaru eventually finds out Danzo orchastrated Sakumo's death, is pissed and tells Kakashi, things spiral fast and hard and team Ro ends up defecting from the Konoha

Summary:

In my Orochimaru era + returning to my team ro dynamics phase, sorry not sorry

Chapter Text

There's an interesting note to be made on how Orochimaru is noticeably more stable and sane (and less "I will now gleefully crimes against humanity") when he has positive, stable relationships to ground him (Tsunade and Jiriyah, potential Sakumo + Mitsuki, Log, the rest of team Taka who are inexplicably around him in Boruto)

And how Sakumo's death would line up very neatly with the time Danzo was pressuring him into joining ROOT.

I've seen some really fun takes before about how Sakumo was being looked at as a very strong contender for 4th Hokage, and that his mission gone wrong was just weeks before Sarutobi was going to make a concrete decision naming him for it.

And that Danzo did not like the idea of Sakumo as Hokage— for many reasons but some of them being that he was a strong willed man who was very resistant to potential manipulations and with a very different political agenda than Danzo.

(A few things that later down the line, the much younger and more flexible Minato was not, which made him a much more attractive candidate for Danzo to attempt to continue his Hokage puppetiering on)

And so Sakumo's mission was sabotaged, and he was set up to fail no matter what choice he made on it. Rumors were carefully spread, hate was skillfully cultivated, and in the end Danzo had only sit back and watch the man who may have been the Hokage to get in his way take himself out of the equation.

(Also, notably: conveniently leaving his equally as prodigious son to later fall into Danzo's hands)

So anyways, rolling with that, if you subscribe to the Orochimaru and Sakumo friendship (or ship tbh, I think they're cute) then I am welcoming u aboard my hc of "hmmm it sure is oddly convenient that Orochimaru, who was so isolated and had already lost Tsunade and Jiriyah, also lost Sakumo and was only then approached by Danzo for ROOT experiments."

Am I saying Danzo killed Sakumo to more easily get to Orochimaru? No. But I am saying it could have totally contributed to his motivations to orchestrate it, just along with everything else. It'd be neat, so

@ohai-there 🔄

I've always been a subscriber to the "sakumo was hokage candidate" head canon. If you think about it, it makes sense!

He's a war hero of the second Shinobi war! He's got flee on sights in 2 countries! He's legendary! Most of all, he has a good head on his shoulders and a good personality.

Sarutobi was already old af! Minato was 23!!! AFTER the third Shinobi war, that's so young to be the president of the strongest village in the world wtf!

But danzo really wouldn't like sakumo as the hokage- he's too good, he's too stable. He thinks about people first and wouldn't accept most of the shit danzos done, most of all he's not easily manipulated.

He's not that much younger than danzo, so he won't feel that "elder's reverence" to him (Minato, young, scrambling to deal with the aftermath of a war), he puts people first (e.g. his teammates before the mission) so his moral code won't bend to accommodate for danzo and he's not even close to danzo so he won't turn a blind eye like sarutobi would.

He'd absolutely be the biggest threat to danzos power and influence so he has to go, and so he did.

Isn't it odd that he was so despised for failing a mission, for following konohas morals of teamwork? The mission might've been critical, but Konoha is still standing, right? And the loss of a S rank Shinobi to Konoha just before a war is a debilitating blow, except if someone wanted him gone because of something larger than the war....

#fucking spits on danzo

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Pointing enthusiastically at my screen !!!!!! Yeah u get it !!!!! This exactly !!!! Struggling to think of anything I can add bc u put it perfectly actually

Then there's all sorts of layers you can add to it depending on what hcs you like for the Hatake clan— I'm p sure Ive made my own Hatake headcanons and how the clan fits inro Konoha's history and political scene uhhh. Pretty well known to anyone who follows me.

So like Sakumo also coming from an actual shinobi clan, no doubt having ties to other clan heads (and being older than many of the clan heirs who'd be clan heads by the time he potentially was Hokage, possibly even being looked up to by some bc of that age and his reputation) vs mr civilian war orphan Minato over there— again, there's a very visible "one of those backgrounds I just described is a lot easier to manipulate than the other" option here

And that isn't counting things like how education most certainly differs between clan and civilian shinobi!

If Sakumo had gone through with the mission, if he hadn't gone back to save his comrades— well, would Konoha really want a Hokage proven to be willing to abandon his comrades? His subordinates? Is that the Hokage they want?

It could be argued that no matter what Sakumo had chosen to do on that day, it would have been all too easy for Konoha to condemn his actions.

A real lose-lose situation, no matter how you spin it

Anyways on an unrelated note: Sakumo almost becoming Hokage only to fall to Danzo's sabotage, and then later Kakashi becoming Hokage is kind of a nice sort of poetry.

"Can you see me, dad? I hope your proud."

Anyways-anyways, now I need a fic where Orochimaru finds all this out years too late and, both bitter about it and out of some twisted sort of justice/lingering fondness for Kakashi as Sakumo's son, goes ahead and tells Kakashi ab it then also encourages him to revolt.

Would it work? Dunno, Kakashi is disgustingly loyal to the point where it's almost ridiculous. Poster boy for konoha brain washing tbh, he's seen and done the worst of the worst for that village

Would be interesting if it did work tho, even a little. Where's my fic titled "Kakashi kills Danzo" that's exactly what it sounds like and opens with Orochimaru being really fucking bitter ab his dead almost-boyfriend

Ringing up Kakashi like "oh beloved almost-stepson of mine, you'll never believe the paper trail I just found <3"

"How did u get this number. Also don't call me that."

"Oh so you don't want to know the truth of your father's death?"

"..."

"Omg stepmother it's been so long how are you <3"

"That's better :)"

#maybe the real friends were the zombies we edo tensei’d along the way #Sakumo gets edo’d for a day so Kakashi gets closure #the campfire scene but earlier #Sakumo agrees to find Danzo in the afterlife and strangle him :)

This could turn into a nice Kakashi missing nin au if u want. Obito telling Kakashi his dad was a hero completely 180’d Kakashi’s morals (along with a death). So Kakashi learning that his dad was set up and died for it? Yikes. I imagine it would be the straw that broke the camels back. Kakashi was willing to join ROOT out of a grudge for the third Hokage over Minato’s death. Danzo genuinely thought Kakashi would assassinate Sarutobi for him. Given Kakashi went to save Rin alone as well, it can be presumed he defied orders to sit and wait to do a solo rescue mission. If Kakashi had backup, Rin might have survived. Kakashi might even grow to resent he was promoted to jonin before he was ready since being in charge of the mission got Obito killed (in Kakashi’s guilt complex). Danzo nudging Kakashi to blame the Third Hokage for Minato’s death would be a dangerous first step. Orochimaru nudging Kakashi to blame Danzo for Sakumo’s death would get him to seriously doubt authority. That’s a dangerous road for someone like Kakashi. Also Naruto! The Hokage’s excuse of “trust me it’s for the best” only works if someone has blind faith. Kakashi seeing parallels in how Naruto is being treated in Sakumo and his own ostracization and doubting harder.

Orochimaru would love this simply for the drama (and privately, it’s nice to see justice for a wrongful death. Shinobi rarely get such). Let him be a wine aunt, they can go missing nin together (maybe with a surprise adopted Naruto). Maybe they assassinate Danzo, Orochimaru grabs his research (baby Tenzo!) and they bail. Maybe they purposefully leave a paper trail of evidence exposing Danzo (from sharingan eyes to Sakumo). Sarutobi wouldn’t try and kill Orochimaru here as he didn’t in canon when Orochimaru did worse. Public opinion might be actually positive-ish, at least with the Uchiha. If they leave Naruto, they could leak Naruto’s parents to the public to fix the prejudice.

Orochimaru having a moral compass in the form maybe step-child definelty protege (it’s free talent). With Kabuto, Tenzo, Kakashi, and maybe Naruto it’s a full daycare. It would be so funny to me if Oro still made sound and still had a horrible reputation but it’s actually unfounded. He gets his Boruto arc early, why force human experimentation when you have willing children who let you test stuff on them (in moderation). Having a test subject report their own findings helps so much, all they ask is nothing irreversible and for it to be done ethically. Like, Oro is still after immortality, but he’s not going to waste the kids for that, their trust and cooperation is a valuable resource :)

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Timing would probably be really important to it I think, like, I bet you could get missing nin Kakashi out of it if played right— but it'd have to be at the right low point

And just like u so wonderfully pointed out, I think that low point should be when Danzo told Kakashi to kill the Hokage and he almost fucking did it <3

ALSO I LOVE WINE AUNT OROCHIMARU AND HIS GAGGLE OF CHILD PRODIGIES HE ONLY KIND OF STOLE THATS SO FUNNY

Adding to the pile of children he gets to keep, hear me out:

Playing w the timeline a little, make the Uchiha massacre overlap w Danzo telling Kakashi to kill Sarutobi.

Orochimaru then also tells Kakashi the truth of his father, he has a crisis, goes to find Danzo unsure exactly what he's planning to do here but knowing he's had enough of the hell that is the Shinobi politics wringer—

—and then he walks straight into Danzo attempting to kill Shisui.

Oops.

Kakashi tries to kill Danzo, possibly doesn't succeed but maybe kills him good enough that he's forced to use Kagami's eye in front of them.

Kakashi and Shisui retreat and at Shisui's begging, they go to an absoloutley losing his goddamn mind Itachi. Itachi freaks tf out at Shisui, then freaks the fuck out even MORE at Kakashi, who's now catching on to there being something seriously wrong in the Uchiha scene

Itachi is panicking, implies a couple things that Danzo has implied he wants him to do, Kakashi and Shisui are both aware that they're on a tight fucking clock rn and Kakashi demands to know if Itachi stays, will Danzo go after him.

Itachi hesitates.

That's all Kakashi needed to see, Itachi is coming with them.

Itachi panics again, says he can't leave Sasuke, that Danzo said he'll hurt him.

Fuck, ok, Sasuke can come with them too then, shit, look they just need to go now. Kakashi will go and get Sasuke, he's the one w the largest target on his back rn, Itachi and Shisui need to get to a meeting point.

They split off, and Sasuke is awoken by a fox masked ANBU covered in blood at his window. He says he's a friend of Itachi's, and Sasuke has no reason to doubt him.

Mikoto bursts into his room just in time to see Kakashi crouching there, Sasuke tucked safely into his arms.

No mask or chakra supression could ever disguise the boy she watched grow up from Kushina's side.

"Kakashi, put down my son."

"I'm sorry, Mikoto-sama, Itachi won't leave without him. Danzo has— He's made threats. He's stolen eyes, and knows about what the Uchiha are planning. And, he— my father—" His voice cracks, and he shakes his head, as if trying to shake away the distress so clearly driving him. When he speaks again, it's quiet, sad, and steady.

"Be careful, Mikoto-sama. He has eyes everywhere." Kakashi hesitates. "Take care of Naruto for me."

(Because ashamedly, he still can not bear to look his sensei's child in the eyes. And while he might steal Sasuke away for his brother, he doesn't trust himself with a child he truly cares for. Not Naruto. He could never even risk scaring Naruto. Could neve risk hurting him even more. Danzo can not touch him, so long as he remains the villages jinchuriki. Kakashi does not have that same guarantee for any he takes with him.)

(Naruto raised by Mikoto anyone?)

Meanwhile, Kakashi and Shisui are declared traitors who've attacked Danzo. (Itachi's own involvement as yet unknown)

Itachi and Tenzo are immediatley called in for questioning due to them all being on team Ro— by Danzo, ofc. (And when Itachi can not be found, assumptions are made as he is added to the list as a possible deflector)

Danzo, all too sure in the strength of his own brainwashing, sends Tenzo out to try and find the 3 of them since he'd know them better than most.

Tenzo is— torn.

He's only been out of ROOT for a year or two now. He's still learning to be a real person, mostly with the help of Team Ro. Particular Kakashi and Shisui.

But his programming, his loyalty, is all he's ever known. And so he accepts the mission, and joins the countless masked shinobi searching for the now officially declared nukenin

(This, to be clear, is all happening in the same night. It is a very busy night for Konoha)

What is the difference between Tenzo and all the other shinobi searching for 3/4ths of team Ro? Well for starters, he's the one who actually manages to find them.

Or, well, he manages to find Shisui and Itschi anyways.

It's messy. Tenzo knows what he's expected to do— what he needs to do next. And even worse: so do Itachi and Shisui

But he hesitates. And Shisui sees that. And Shisui latches on

"You know," Shisui says. "you know you can't trust Danzo."

"You're accused of attempting to murder Elder Danzo." Tenzo says, which is very notably not a no. "They declared you and the captain missing in 20 minutes ago."

Shisui talks. Tenzo listens (even if he does not want to)

Tenzo agrees to look the other way. To betray everything he's ever known, to keep his first friends safe. He turns to go—

And Shisui, weak and still bleeding from his injuries, grabs him by the hand as he does.

"Come with us."

Tenzo... had not know that was an option. Or even if it was, an option that he could have.

"I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"I— I just—"

"You aren't really going to split up team Ro like this, are you?" Shisui smiles with bloodied teeth. "The ANBU dream team isn't anything without you there, Tenzo."

Tenzo has many weaknesses. He's aware of this. One of them, most embaressingly, is that smile.

He caves.

Only a few minutes later, Kakashi shows up with a very excited Sasuke on his back.

Itachi nearly throws up in relief at seeing his brother.

Kakashi nearly throws up in stress at seeing Tenzo.

Ummm something something and then they all escaped

Bc Kakashi did shit at the start of this mess bc of Orochimaru, he wants to go meet him to demand more information ab his father. Itachi hears this and bc he is like literally 13 and also in full mission mode with Kakashi as his only recognized still lasting figure of authority, is like "yessir sounds good to me"

(And also note: holy shit, Itachi is SO stressed rn. We all know how Itachi loves his authority figures, so it's safe to say he's kind of imprinted HARD on Kakashi, especially after he pulled through on proving himself reliable when no one else was w Shisui and Sasuke)

Shisui is more skeptical, but the snake sanin holds a clear grudge against Danzo and he can definitley work w that. Also like. It's not like they have anywhere else to go. So.

Tenzo has some issues w potentially seeing Orochimaru again but he's in the same boat as Itachi tbh when it comes to Kakashi being his last remaining authority figure. And also Shisui uhhh. May now kind of be holding more of his leash than either of them realize, and since he decides it's an ok plan, Tenzo just keeps quiet and agrees

So !!! Team Ro ventures forth towards Sound, which rn is kind of extra underground hush hush and no one really knows Orochimaru is fr making his own village (does this mean they get to help make it?? I think it should)

Turning back around to Konoha, holy SHIT what a mess.

Danzo may have escaped w his life but he's now greatly injured and had to use Kagami's eye to do that "coming back from the dead" sharingan trick, so the eye is now useless. This, among other things, pisses Danzo tf off in a major way. (I think a tiny part of it may too be that Danzo, for all his fucking deplorable everything, held some sort of emotional attachment to the eye as it was Kagami's)

Konoha did not just lose a single ninja to going rogue (which would already be— insane. Very, very bad. Also very rare, as the last one to defect was Orochimaru) they lost FOUR. Four and a child, but no one besides Mikoto and Fugaku care ab Sasuke

Konoha has a carefully maintained reputation as the "nice" village, and while they could brush off a single ninja going rogue (though it may be harder if the shinobi is someone as well known both as a shinobi but also as an undyingly loyal one like Kakashi) losing an entire fucking TEAM of shinobi is... bad. Very bad. It looks bad and worse, it smells bad.

And while the fact that they were an ANBU team prevents 98% of the village from knowing that they were on a team together, the fact that they all left at the same time still fucking says something

Their one saving grace is that Itachi is very young, so they can say Kakashi manipulated him— then extend that too to Shisui and Tenzo. (This only becomes doubtful when it comes to any who knew Kakashi personally. But the masses will buy it, and that's good enough)

The Uchiha hate train is getting worse bc of Shisui and Itachi's involvement, but Mikoto, still pissed ab the fact that Kakashi took her fuckimg son, goes ahead and decides to throw him under the bus to help preserve her clan (understandable tbh)

So she's like wailing to anyone who'd listen ab Kakashi's betrayal and ab how he STOLE HER SON!!!!!!!!! and that's helping take some pressure off it at least

The whole mess also has thrown a giant fucking wrench in the Uchiha massacre plan— the Uchiha coop is on hold after the deflection of Sasuke and Itachi and Kakashi's warning, but also bc Itachi and Shisui left Danzo + Hiruzen no longer have spies there

What a mess!!!

On another note, Sasuke's dissapearence leads Naruto to approach Mikoto on his own, which is perfect and means she can lure him back later (bc she can't approach him due to laws) so that train gets moving

Also meanwhile, I'm sure the shinobi rumor mill is moving like CRAZY. Gai isn't believing this shit ab his rival for a second but he's a smart shinobi and knows to be quiet ab that. Instead carefully approaching others like maybe Genma to feel out their takes on the situation. Unfortunatley he can't do much, but he has his ears to the ground and believes in Kakashi wholeheartedly

The politics outside of Konoha must be perking up too— Kakashi of the sharingan, Shunshin no Shisui, the apparent (ex) Uchiha clan heir and uhh,, [squints at newly updated bingo book] OH WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY HAVE MOKUTON?? Wait ok so they all left. At the same time. Hmm. Interesting.

Oops got a little carried away w this one didn't I? I think I may have also made it a crumb shippy w Shisui and Tenzo but honestly u can just ignore that. But also like. The world needs more Tenzo/Shisui content in it, so.

Anyways wine aunt Orochimaru living it up in sound w Team Ro and their mascot (Sasuke) plotting to kill Danzo, yayy!!

The end, post is over now, bye bye

#TEAM RO MY BELOVED I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I NEED MORE OF THEM ALWAYS #AND IF I CANT GET MORE THEN ILL JUST FUCKING MAKE MORE

Chapter 60: De-aged Kakashi latches on to Orochimaru bc he was friends with his dad pt.2

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 57

oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Yes <3

But also probably not. The? Worst.

One of the worst for sure, but at least he won't huuurt him? On purpose, anyways. There's no value in it, there's arguably negative value in it actually, considering he already has his full trust and no reason to experiment on him

I can only see him possibly directly harming Kakashi for two reasons:

- Orochimaru wants to figure out how the jutsu turned Kakashi younger, possibly for his own immortality quest (but to avoid this Im just gonna say he then decides not to bc the memory erasing instantly cancels out any usefulness to him. What's the point of staying young forever if you can't remember shit ab your future self? That's not what he wants)

He'll probably still poke and prod him out of curiosity but like there's no dissection happening. And it's SO much nicer and easier to have a happily compliant to some blood tests kid Kakashi than a Kakashi who's been drugged up and injured trying to fight back to those same simple blood tests

- Or Orochimaru, in his admittedly at times VERY unstable mental state lashing out without care or real thought of consequences

VERY possible but also playing into the specific dynamic I'm picturing between them, Orochimaru would try very hard to avoid this not just because of the logical "this kid likes and trusts me and making him not will make everything SO much harder when rn it's stupidly easy" but also bc Orochimaru is kind of going through some subtle nostalgia on his end

The subtle nostalgia of a kid he used to babysit, who was the child of a friend of his friend (one of the very few friends that Orochimaru never had to face after he betrayed Konoha, and so a friend that lives on in memory as loyal and good to him) + the amusement of just. A tiny kid Kakashi being a total menace but trusting him implicitly while still feeling comfortable enough to sometimes talk back.

That's an actual child just. Comfortably existing around Orochimaru. He lets Orochimaru, the dreaded snake sanin, known for having a killing intent that can paralize just about anyone, pick him up and drag him around like a purse dog. Do you know how incredibly funny that is to Oro? Bc it's fucking hilarious actually, and he's getting a kick out of using this to fuck with people somehow

But yeah Orochimaru is unstable and shady as FUCK but he has multiple motivations, both logical and emotional (though he probably won't admit the emotional even to himself) to not harm Kakashi. So Kakashi will probably be fine— to an extent anyways

Also Kakashi's presence is also totally helping distract Orochimaru from that whole "going off the deep end" thing. He's like a therapy dog! A really deadly, confused therapy dog who misses his father and will bite anyone who touches him if their name isn't Orochimaru or Tsunade

(Somewhere, someone is sending Tsunade a VERY rushed and desperate letter that they pretty please need her back ASAP this isn't a joke and it's not ab the Hokage thing I promise just PLEASE come back)

(Tsunade is throwing it into the fire without reading it.)

Ok so rewinding a bit to when Kakashi first gets de-aged. He's confused and scared and the Hokage, not wanting to confuse and fighter him more, decides yk what? No one tell him his dad is dead. We aren't doing that.

This is arguably a good choice tbh, like, yeah. Don't tell the emotional 5 year old alarmingly talented shinobi kid who's was on track to graduate to chunin next fucking year that his dad's dead. It won't result in anything good.

Instead, Sarutobi tells him that his dad is out on a super special top secret mission rn, very last minute, very important. Also: very plausible!

Everyone gives themselves a pat on the back and Kakashi calms down a bit and they now try to figure out where to put him (they can't put him back in his clan compound or he'll automatically know snthns wrong)

Thinking they pass him off to Gai maybe?

Anyways: Oro gets him and then learns that they didn't actually tell him about his dad.

So of course he'll be kind enough to fix that <3

All that is to say, Orochimaru tells Kakashi about the suicide of his father and frames it as being the villages fault. The village killed your poor father, don't you know? Just because they decided he wasn't good enough for them... so sad, so sad.

And Oro, sensing a new big fish to chase and political plot to play with, having already been discarded by Akatsuki and Konoha, deciding yk what? New game actually :)

And he goes ahead and draws the connection between Sakumo's death bc of the village to the Uchiha's death to the village.

And Sasuke uhhh. Demands to know what the actual fuck he's talking about.

Oro shrugs, makes some implications, doesn't say he knows for a FACT Itachi was blackmailed into it, but yk... he always thought things didn't really add up... and it'd be SO like Danzo and his own sensei to pull that sort of thing 💅

Sasuke is having the worst time of his life thanks

Kakashi is also imprinting on Sasuke HARD. Especially after the reveal of his father's death and orochimaru's careful steering to make him identify with Sasuke (and vice versa, Sasuke with Kakashi)

Sasuke no longer needing Orochimaru for that whole "get strong enough to kill my brother" thing is now made to linger in sound due to a mix of being attached to Kakashi (while knowing he won't be able to get him to leave Orochimaru without a lot of groundwork) + maybe lingering plots for whatever Orochimaru has in store? Like, Oro can feed him a revenge plan on Konoha or whatever, and he sticks around for that

Idk but Sasuke is going through it

Kakashi meanwhile, projecting a lot and also absoloutley going through it, is stalking Sasuke through the halls of Sound. He's his little shadow and Sasuke can not get rid of him no matter how hard he tries— it's kind of impressive

Sasuke teaching Kakashi to do chidori again,,

OH ALSO Orochimaru totally also just. Told Kakashi ab the truth of him being de aged. Probably conveniently left out a few details, but Oro is going the route of "I haven't done anything bad to him as an adult and suffer no losses by telling him the truth, but it might bite me in the ass if I lie to him (especially after weaponizing the fact that the Hokage lied) so I'll just tell him the truth of it"

Highly effective! Kakashi is now even more trustful of him!

I want a bit where Orochimaru goes to give a curse mark to Kakashi, just like Sasuke's. And Kakashi, trusting him, just kinda sits and waits patiently for him to do it. But as Orochimaru leans in to do just that, he stops. And he hesitates.

And us, the audience, know he's thinking about Sakumo. About a dead man he once called a friend.

And he pulls back and pats Kakashi on the head and says that you know what? Actually, he has a different idea.

Anyways, Orochimaru giving Kakashi a fake curse mark, for appearances sake. Can't let people know he might really be going soft! Or,, whatever happening there. It's a really complicated topic actually and he's still kind of visibly, violently swinging between moods of insanity

If I were to write this fr, I think it'd be fun to leave that scene intentionally vague. The audience gets to see the lead up of Orochimaru leaning in to give a willing Kakashi a curse mark, then the aftermath of Sasuke losing his shit over it.

But then chapters later, when Kakashi had presumably left the caves of Sound w Sasuke, Karin is poking at his curse mark and reveals that it's a dud.

Just like really bring up those fun complex morally grey themes and "did Orochimaru,, actually care? Is he even capable of that?"

(Sasuke and basically everyone else except maybe Kabuto has been convinced Orochimaru was purley playing pretend w Kakashi)

It doesn't like redeem him or anything, but it just adds that complex spin of like, he's still a person. An awful, deeply disturbed person, but still a person. We all are. And also Kakashi can continue to have his own really weird trust in Oro bc he truly never hurt him. But that unfortunatley doesn't make him good, it just makes Kakashi an outlier.

I'm honestly just having fun thinking about balancing Orochimaru as he nears / exists in the heights of his insanity at this point of naruto, with the objectively good parent we see in Boruto. And just how being around a child he's fond of, who's the child of one of the only men he's ever been able to call a true friend, might affect / bring out those sides of his.

Awful awful man, I'm so fascinated by him. I want to put him in a blender and see what color smoothie would come out

Meanwhile also, Kakashi is somehow managing to advance at an even faster rate than he did the first time. Its probably the fact he's being trained directly by the fucking snake sanin at peak strength + Sasuke being able to teach him chidori + the motivation of "the village killed my father" Oro gave him

In sound, he has nothing to do but train and learn and stalk people. And he's surrounded by workaholics with their own mountains of issues who don't give a shit enough to tell him to calm tf down

Oooooh ok hear me out, Orochimaru kinda seeing a bit of his own past self in Kakashi and taking on this personal project of like— ok well I fucked up my own body SO bad I locked myself out of so much. I kinda wanna see what would happen if I trained this prodigy child in these specific ways that I as an adult regretted not training with when younger

Sasuke, in finding out Orochimaru wanted to steal his body, figures he was training Kakashi as a backup, and confronts Orochimaru ab it

Orochimaru: (actually didn't even consider that and was doing this just for fun)

Orochimaru:

Orochimaru: yes. That's why I'm doing this. Oh no you figured out my master plan.

Orochimaru: fuck, why WASNT I planning on doing that??

Orochimaru then has to have a crisis about like. Ok so I legally, logically do have to consider doing that now. Like. Why am I not planning on doing that??

Shit I don't think I want to. But why wouldn't I want to??? Fuck.

Wait no it's because he's a child. I don't want to have a child body it'd totally throw off my style. Yeah. The youngest I can pull off is pre teen and I don't have time to wait for him to reach that age. That's exactly why. For sure.

(He's just allergic to admitting he might actually care and that Kakashi activates the saner parts of his brain that likes having people who genuinley like him around)

Anyways.

Kid Kakashi doesn't have Obito's eye, right? So hesr me out: when he got de aged, Obito automatically got his eye back.

And uhh. Didn't react well to it, actually. One might even be so bold as to say he reacted really, really badly to it.

So Obito REALLY wants kid Kakashi. Like. Really, really wants him. He is in fact breaking into sound and trying to lure him closer with candy (it's not working.)

Obito is incredibly fucking torn between like, hey so Kakashi didn't mean to lose the eye.

(Not just lose it but give it back. A somehow even worse insult. The eye not just discarded but fucking rejected, returned to sender, forgotten.)

Obito doesn't let Zetsu know he got his eye back (Zetsu would probably want him to keep it)

And then he decides yk what? This is fine.

He'll just have to give the eye back to Kakashi himself :)

Cue impromptu kidnapping and eye surgery!!

Ahaha don't worry Bakashi, Obito will make sure it looks just like the original! And he's so nice as to also make sure it goes quick and painless <3

Kakashi gets dumped back into sound with a new eye and no one takes it well.

Orochimaru, who just established/justified to himself why he can't body snatch Kakashi, now staring at the boy where he's now outfitted with the exact reason why he was gonna body snatch Sasuke, knowing he no longer has any excuses: Fuck.

I think Orochimaru should continue to get more unstable but like. Be hyper aware of it and also have moments of clarity where he knows he now has Kakashi, who he doesn't want to hurt. And so he kinda orchastrates/pushes Sasuke into either running off w Kakashi (+team Taka) to go find Itachi or into killing him (possibly bc with that clarity of "I don't want to hurt Kakashi" also comes the realization of how disgustingly low he's fallen from the figure of power and knowledge and arguable sanity he once was)

Whenever Kabuto revives Orochimaru or however the fuck that went (I dont actually know how he comes back later) Kakashi ends up helping, pass it on

Uhhh final notes:

Itachi sees baby Kakashi with his little brother who now also knows the truth of what happened bc Orochimaru told him and has a stroke

Karin (and later Orochimaru) help cure/stabilize him of his whatever disease

Whether Kakashi gets aged up again or not idk but he does get to go on lots of team Taka adventures, and Karin uses her insane chakra pool and healing to help him adjust to the eye way better than he did the first time

+ Sasuke goes even more insane ab projecting with the forcefully given eyes (maybe Itachi can try to forcefully swap eyes w him too?? Would be on brand for Itachi 'dumb-fuck ideas' Uchiha)

Kakashi's presence somehow prevents Orochimaru from killing Hiruzen, meaning Tsunade is still out in the wild somewhere— where Team Taka accidentally run into her and maybe get her to join them? Or smthn idk but she recognizes Kakashi and loses her mind, bc she was also one of his old babysitters with Orochimaru

When they inevitably interact with / go back to Konoha, Gai is put on Kakashi catching duty

Yay ok post over that's it thanks for reading bye

oh-no-its-bird 🔄

@optimizerr

Ok so a) I NEED TO SEE THIS FIC WHENEVER YOU POST IT OH MY GOD PLEASE I LOVE OROCHIMARU AND I LOVE TIME TRAVEL AND I ESPECIALLY LOVE OROCHIMARU TIME TRAVEL PLS SEND ME THE LINK WHEN YOU POST IT ILL CRY

And b) JDBSOD HAPPY TO PROVIDE !!! I find Orochimaru to be such an interesting character, and also his existence in Boruto + the end of Natuto is just. So fucking funny. Oh teehee don't mind the war criminal who committed terrible crimes against humanity (and also famously killed our ninja president while desecrating the bodies of the other 2 ninja presidents to do so) and his loyal subordinates who also were once his experiments who wanted to see him dead, he's retired now and one of the best, most healthy stay at home moms in the village :D

The housewife Orochimaru agenda is insane and makes me lose my actual fucking mind every time I think about it. Do u think he's on the PTA? I bet he joined just to piss Sakura off. I bet he brings brownies.

Anyways like. He's one of those characters where you totally can just take him at face value (creepy evil scientist snake man tries to become immortal and is also kind of legitimatley insane sometimes) and that's totally fun and valid, but also like. You can take SO many liberties or try to dissect exactly how he got there— and almost anything you do with him instantly just creates so many fun, fascinating and honestly sometimes quite tragic implications.

Orochimaru is so childhood friends gone wrong / prodigy pushed to far / antisocial boy left alone to rot and carefully fed only the worst emotions and encouraged on his worst habits / scientist who fell too deeply in love with his work / man so scared of death he ruined himself and everything he ever touched -coded. It's so fun!!! The opportunities are endless!!!

He's shown he's more than capable of genuinley caring for someone, both before jumping off the deep end with Jiriyah and Tsunade, and also after he kind of recovers from his everything in Boruto w Mitsuki. And both of these instances happen in what's clearly some of the timeframes of him being at his most mentally healthy, even separated from his relationships

So I just want to see him at his worst and most detached accidentally tricking himself into remembering he's capable of caring, I think it'd be interesting. And then I want to see the fact that he cares for someone or something conflicting with his work, and him having to find a way to ground himself before he once again manages to ruin it all— not only for himself but for those he may now be attached to aswell. After all, Orochimaru has a great talent for both creating and destroying, as Sound very much proves

Again, never actually seen naruto, but I've seen so many takes of Orochimaru being deeply, genuinley upset by the fact that he can't access sage chakra due to all of his experiments on himself. I like to also pair that with "the Orochi were a snake clan who's members always were able to achieve sage mode, and it's actually really important to then culturally" to just make it feel even worse. Also pair that with various Orochi clan hcs, like all of their names start with "Oro" and the clan head is always named Orochimaru when they become clan head, and as the last remaining Orochi Orochimari is that clan head and has been since he was 10. So there's even more "I'm the last of my people and can't even do what they once did" angst

I want to see him have moments of clarity or the opposite, moments of just pure distressed madness, where he remembers and becomes viscerally aware of how he's destroyed his body and how he'll never be able to reach sage mode like his family once had.

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum too, Orochimaru is like. A fucking cult leader? Girl how the fuck does he keep inspiring people to be so obsessed w following him. Why does he have so many loyal minions? It can't all be fear? I wanna see charming manipulative Oro content so bad!!!

Unrelated but if we're talking ab Orochimaru then I have to say that I also LOVE the idea that the fact that he's scared of bugs in canon is bc hes had times where he was stuck with his body literally rotting and infested with bugs, possibly multiple times.

Make him a clean freak obsessed w the condition of his own body because of the unfortunate few times where he was stuck inside what was effectively a rotting corpse!!! It's fun!!!

ALSO LIKE. POINTING AT UR PFP. TENZO ENJOYER SPOTTED!!!

Orochimaru and Tenzo's potential dynamic is SO good and I love every possible mix of it. The fact that them as a duo was played for comedy in the Naruto's wedding episode is so fucking insane I'd almost be offended if I wasn't so busy laughing my ass off at it.

I'm incredibly biased because I'm already planning to make them an incredibly disfunction family in chasing shadows, but I love any mix of their interactions. There's just SO much there to work with!!! Tenzo was undoubtedly irriversably traumatized by him as a child, but also you have to acknowledge that Orochimaru was in a very unique position of being the first authority figure ever in his life, which is just interesting. Then by the end of Naruto, theyre,,, chill? I have no idea what the actual fuck is happening over there tbh but whatever it is is fascinating.

Do u think Tenzo helped babysit Mitsuki sometimes. I think so. I think Mitsuki should get to refer to him as a cousin, it'd be funny.

There's also a very loose opening where as a writer u can take so many liberties with if Orochimaru knows where tf Tenzo comes from, or if he was a possible war orphaned senju bastard if u choose to go down that road (blood tests say what?)

Idk but just like. Them. Ugh. So good.

Honestly Orochimaru has really interesting dynamics with so many characters just by nature of being Orochimaru, u really can't go wrong with pairing him w people for interactions

Oops went on a bit of a rant but like !!!!! I really like his character, he's so fun to play with. Seriously tho lemme know if/when you post that fic, I'll eat it up I promise

Chapter 61: The ghosts of the Uchiha Massacre haunt Konoha

Chapter Text

#this started as a mild “man i wanna put my (completley unrelated) oc in naruto w the dimension travel beams...but thats illegal...” daydream #but then I remembered ocs/canon dimension travel is like illegal probably or smthn idk Im terrrified of being cringe #but I still liked the idea of “something something ghosts of the Uchiha” that the original daydream leaned on #and then we ended up here!! #can you tell I really like Mikoto

Fic where the unjust death of the Uchiha and the subsequent horrific abuse to their bodies via blatant and indiscriminant eye theft results in Konoha being haunted by the spirits of several very angry Uchiha.

"You know... They say that so long as an Uchiha's eyes do not rest in their body, their spirit will never find peace."

When the husk of a woman who used to be Mikoto smiles, there is blood in her teeth.

"What do you think, Elder Danzo?"

Ft.

- Sasuke being repeatedly lured into the woods by the ghosts of his family (and notably, his parents) both bc some want to protect him and some, not powerful enough to retain their sanity in death, wish for him to die so they might take their eyes as their own

- Nara Shikaku, among others in the Hokage's tower, being repeatedly faced with the unsettlingly eyeless ghost of Fugaku as he appears sporadically and attempting to act as if nothing is wrong— always dissapearing when someone questions how he is there (whether he truly seems to keep forgetting that he has died is unclear, but no methods to purge the offices seems able to keep him away for long)

- the spirit of Mikoto taking on a spokesperson role for the dead, as she seems to have been the one to retain the most of herself in death while plagued with the corruptive everything that comes with being a spirit tied to the earth through nefarious means (with Fugaku being a potential second— if he wasn't so busy w convincing himself he hadn't died at all)

- Danzo being haunted by the more mindlessly violent Uchiha ghosts, driven mad in the afterlife at seeing their eyes in his unworthy flesh

- A surprisingly sane Kagami who has Thoughts and Feelings ab Danzo taking his eye— and the mystery of how exactly he had died

- A suddenly the most qualified person to deal with ghosts Kakashi, who's unfortunatley doomed both attract and to be able to see the Uchiha ghosts with his sharingan, and has them breathing down the back of his neck with talk of watching after Sasuke and GETTING REVENGE !!!!!!!!!!!!! which he is legally obligated to do now as the elder ghosts deem his service as their conduit to be his duty, since they gave him a pass on the eye thing. There's a lot of "see I TOLD you it was a good idea to let him keep the eye!! Clearly Amaterasu has left him here for us to use in our darkest of hours"

Aka forcefully adopted by Uchiha ghosts Kakashi who's "adoption" reads a little more like "indentured servitude to the afterlife"

(And he can't help but wonder why he hasn't seen Obito's ghost, after so many years with his eye in his head...

- Itachi being absoloutley hounded by the guilt of what hes done and the spirits of those hes killed, whove left the haunting of Konoha specifically to haunt him (He is not having fun) (The ghost of Shisui is doing his best to ward away the more volatile ones)

And more !!! Potentially, idk. This would be a fun one if I wrote it but I will not. Someone totally should tho , just, not me.

@princeofuchiha 🔄

#PLS the ghost of Shisui following Itachi to protect him from the other angrier spirits. I'll cry. #Meanwhile Itachi is probably just taking it tbh hes listening like “Yeah no that's fair” #The Akatsuki hideout is 900% more haunted in this au - Itachi joins the organization and suddenly Ghoul^tm stuff keeps happening #Kisame is suddenly getting constant cold chills after joining the Akatsuki and he can't figure out if it's correlated to his new partner #Also #Itachi: Having his bleeding heart moment with Izumi and doing the whole Stolen Future Genjutsu scene #Itachi seeing her ghost later: Well that's embarrassing #Itachi “Ofc we have to break up I killed you” vs Izumi “I can forgive you for killing me but if you leave me. We will have problems Itachi.

Chapter 62: obkk shared an accidental kiss when they were younger like Sasuke and Naruto did

Chapter Text

Really stupid au where when they were younger, Kakashi and Obito shared an accidental kiss a lot like Sasuke and Naruto. (Kakashi commits to his mask shortly after but will never not insist it's unrelated)

Years later and Kakashi, trying to cheer up Naruto and Sasuke ab their own embaressing accidental first kiss, shares his own story

Then, years later when Obito reveals himself on the battlefield, instead of going "woah, another Uchiha!?" when he hears his name, Naruto can't help but point and shout OH MY GOD UR THE GUY WHO KISSED SENSEI!!!!!!!!

Instant dead silence. (Obito wants to die)

Sakura, who never heard the story ab how it was a one time accidental kiss: "omg... sensei's childhood boyfriend went evil on him... this is so fucked up"

Obito is VIOLENTLY thrown off by this turn of events (and also hasn't actually thought ab it in years oh my god that did happen didn't it)

Kakashi, seeing how badly it threw him off, and also the kind of person who plays hard into throwing people off and generally fucking w them to gain an edge, seeing Sakura mumbling ab lovers to enemies and just kinda goes "Yeah Obito I can't believe you'd do this to me I thought we had smthn special."

"Yeah a rivalry????"

"So I was only ever a way for u to get stronger,, figures u were using me,,,"

[Confused Obito car crash noises]

Sakura yells smthn ab him being a deadbeat and how Kakashi can do so much better and Naruto is instantly shouting in agreement as Sasuke stands there like "hn." Which is basically the same thing for him

Kakashi just starts straight up lying actually

"What about all those picnics we went on... watching the sun set over konoha..."

"Are you talking about when Minato said we weren't allowed to come back inside till we stopped arguing and ate on opposite ends of the roof bc we couldn't even look at eachother without yelling???"

"It was so romantic."

Obito, starting to actually doubt himself, "was that a date????"

(It was not.)

"You died in my arms..."

"I died under a rock"

"We literally got eye married" (not a thing, he just made this up 3 seconds ago)

"We got WHAT" (no one can prove him wrong tho bc no surviving Uchiha knows that much ab their clans marriage traditions)

"Oh my god sensei's husband is a deadbeat" - sakura, horrified (and maybe a little delighted)

"Figures." -Sasuke, who's been in proximity w Obito for some time now and absoloutley believes every word ab this topic Kakashi is saying

"Woah. This is almost as bad as the fact he murdered my parents when I was a baby dattebayo" - Naruto who's priorities are NOT what they should be

"Ok. I wouldn't go that far." - Sasuke, who's priorities are also fucked but not THAT fucked, oh my god Naruto

"No, no he's right. We should kill him even harder for this" - Sakura, who doesn't actually agree but wants an excuse for more juicy sensei love drama (and also wants to see Obito beaten to death anyways)

@hairybeardtongue 🔄

”We should kill him harder…” -the most Sakura line ever. You do not mess with her people. She can mess with her people, it no one else will survive.

#Good news: Obito is kinda distracted #Bad news: his ‘subtle’ obsession with Kakashi just got worse #<- prev tags dksnssodjsosw #the personality of Tobi who he seemed to partially have created to cope w everything #is now too busy playing obsessed housewife to focus on world domination #oops!!!

I’d 100% buy Obito committing hard over this. This man pretends to be Madara when he’s completely alone, he takes his identities very seriously. He’s expecting attacks on his character like war criminal, global terrorist, monster that’s to be fine. But bad husband?? Especially since it’s in part his young naive Obito character being attacked. Obito will husband the shit out of Kakashi while trying to kill him because he has a point to prove and those two things are mutually exclusive.

oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Imagining this somehow derailing Obito from his plans bc hes now too focused on trying to be a husband to do the Infinite Tsukuyomi is so funny actually. I'm picturing it specifically with him playing up his Tobi personality and being silly w it. Part of him is probably just trying to throw off Kakashi right back which. Might work actually. But Kakashi might be able to turn it back around on him idk

They're playing a silent game of "who can push the other the furthest/make the other more uncomfortavle" but on the surface they just look to have a sickening sweet marriage

Obito gets hit w the Infinite Tsukuyomi and we get to see his secret desires or a perfect world and it's just like it was in canon— him as Hokage w Kakashi besides him —but only bc this whole marriage thing is on his mind it also includes Kakashi as his housewife and like. Now everyone knows how bad he wants this and it's just REALLY embarrassing

@hibiscusseaart 🔄

Imagine the Naruto talk

"Why are you so obsessed with Infinite Tsukuyomi?!"

"I need Kakashi to be my housewife"

"And? Can't you do that irl?"

"Oh... huh..."

One more happy receiver of Talk no Jutsu ✌️

oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Ok but like on the flip side of this. Naruto going to Kakashi like "sensei !! I got Obito to promise to stop being evil :D"

"Oh my god Naruto! How did you pull that off?"

"You just have to promise to marry him and be his house wife :D"

"I just have to what."

"He said he'll even stop doing the terrorism and stuff!!"

It's like one of those virgin sacrifice/arranged marriage aus but a hundred times stupider and everyone is aware of how batshit insane this is (including Obito) and judging HARD. He is getting blatant, disbelieving stares from everyone on the (still active!!!!) battlefield

Naruto did u just arrange a marriage between one of the guys we've all been trying to kill and ur sensei.

"Yeah but he says if we'll do it he'll stop killing us :("

"NARUTO???"

Sakura is going to murder Naruto for this tbh, she is offended for Kakashi (but also still super delighted at this turn of events)

Kakashi thinks this is insane and has to be some sort of ploy and also is very quietly going (woah this is just like in that one icha icha book) and accepts only bc he thinks theres no fucking way Obito is fr ab this

He is.

Kakashi gets housewifed for the greater good of the shinobi world !! Thank u for ur sacrifice king

Chapter 63: Obito and Sasuke time travel mistaken identity shennangains pt.2

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 18

Thinking about my desire for a mistaken identity time travel fic where Obito and Sasuke get tossed into the warring states, but bc Sasuke looks like an Izuna clone and Obito for some reason gets the wild hair look back, they keep being mistaken for Madara and Izuna.

Notably, they keep being mistaken for Madara and Izuna as they are in the middle of attempting to beat the ever-loving shit out of eachother.

And because Obito likes causing problems for Madara and Sasuke shrimply does not give a fuck and might even appreciate the fake identity alibi, they do nothing to actually deny the mistaken identity. Obito actually encourages it, usually by loudly agreeing with whoever shouts "omg its Uchiha Madara" as he lights shit on fire.

Anything to cause the real Madara more problem, right? Karma, bitch aa

He actually wants to cut his hair short again but the temptation of getting to continue to ruin Madara's reputation is too good, so he doesnt

ANYWAYS. Thinking about all of the above again w the context of my "Kakashi is related to and bears a resemblance to Tobirama" agenda thats been steadily growing in like. Actually, I think almost every Kakashi fic Ive written so far (oops)

Maybe I want Kakashi in this now. Maybe I'm also thinking about Tenzo, who got the same "oh for some strange reason my hair is longer now" treatment as Obito and with the Mokuton, can now be mistake as Hashirama by those who have never seen him. Or even people who have seen him but logically assume he's wearing a henge.

There's only one known man with the power of Mokuton-- why would the ever believe it wasn't Hashirama (unless they were close enough to the man to truly doubt it on a personal level)

I have no real ideas for an overarching plot, but like. Obito, Sasuke, Kakashi and Tenzo mistaken identity time travel my beloved,,

Kakashi and Tenzo traveled + landed together and Obito and Sasuke did the same so neither group is aware of the other

(Kakashi and Obito eventually figure it out bc of the shared eye connection I think)

But in the mean time they actually keep managing to avoid each other bc they'll hear rumors ab "Uchiha Madara" being spotted in the town over (Obito continues to be very loud about it very on purpose) and then avoid going there, while Sasuke hears the same, figures its Obito, and sprints over to try and bash his face in

Obito finally eventually gets cornered by Kakashi, Tenzo, and Sasuke and gets his shit rocked fr fr send tweet

Sasuke and Kakashi bonding moment(s) where we tackle the uhh. Everything. Of canon. And Sasuke gives Kakashi a crumb of respect back or smthn

Idk but I just want to see Sasuke call him sensei, don't ask me how we'd get there

Meanwhile when they're finally like, exposed or whatever there's just SUCH a mess there to be had

I'm choosing Uchiha Hikaku as my first contact bc I love him dearly and think he serves as good middleground between ranks of importance and relevance

So like. Picture this.

You are Hikaku. You're sent out to investigate some rumors about Madara and Izuna fucking shit up and causing a general mess some ways away. A henge, a slander campaign, the real Madara-sama is sure.

You get there and find 3 people fighting.

(Obito, Kakashi and Tenzo's first interaction. It's tense. They may all come from the final battle, after Obito changed his mind, but there were a lot of things left unsaid and also they all probably just wanna beat the shit out of eachother anyways. Things happen, things are said, a fight is had)

Two of them bear a passing resemblance to Madara and Tobirama respectively, and the 3rd has the look of a Senju to him.

Ok. So, Senju slander campaign? Gone... wrong, he'd assume by the fact that they were all fighting.

You then recognize that the fake Madara has mismatched eyes (!!!! What the fuck !!! Culturally significant thing there !! Was he born like that? Was it a transplant?)

And the fake Tobirama(?) has a whole stolen sharingan he seems to be ACTIVLEY using (WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! SOUND THE ALARMS!!!!! BLOODLINE THIEF ALERT !!!!!!!!)

You debate between just watching or entering the fight, but then the fake Tobirama makes some sort of reference to his sharingan eye belonging to the fake Madara's.

All thoughts come to a screeching halt.

Ok. So. Gonna get involved now.

There's a clear side here (Uchiha vs potential Senju) Hikaku can not leave his clanmate to die, and he doesn't yet know how he might have been involved in the slander campaign so it's honestly best to put this guy in his pocket and bring him back to Madara anyways

So Hikaku enters the battle, everyone makes appropriate shocked pikachu faces bc no one noticed him and aw shit it's gonna get more complicated, cool, awesome, great

(Also note; Hikaku became the eventual Uchiha head after Madara's defection so there's also a "oh shit no way" reaction from Obito specifically who knows this information. And also maybe Kakashi who I imagine knows a lot of Konoha's history and politics)

Battle continues, Tenzo uses Mokuton, Hikaku gets appropriately freaked the FUCK out at the idea of another mokuton user

Then Sasuke comes crashing out of nowhere , yay !!!

(Kakashi and Tenzo, who did not know Sasuke was here yet and are only seeing him for the first time, make more surprised pikachu faces)

Sasuke, who... possibly knew Kakashi and Tenzo were around and may have been avoiding them, wanting to signal that for now at least they were all on the same side (against Obito) nods to Kakashi specifically and gives a tense and sort of stilted, "sensei."

SO. HIKAKU IS KIND OF GOING THROUGH IT OVER HERE NOW.

Sasuke is a dead fucking wringer for Izuna in the way that only a direct relation can be. I'm talking they could absoloutley pass for twins kind of relation. Worst of all, they look around the same age (Sasuke is only a few years younger)

Hikaku is no longer fighting with a strange Uchiha against Senju agents he's now fighting with an Uchiha against another Uchiha (who's a dead wringer for his clan heir !!!!) He does not know who to believe or what side to exist on.

(Had this false Izuna called the fake Tobirama sensei? Oh god—)

Things happen, whether they lose or escape I don't know but it ends with an incredibly confused and concerned Hikaku returning to the Uchiha clan compound with tales of bloodline theft, another mokuton user, and horrifically— A possible sibling, lost and raised by the senju in secret.

Yeah. So. Madara won't react well to that. Madara won't react well to that at all.

(Izuna won't either, in the slightest. Does... does he have a twin...? Did he have a twin once, lost too early for their parents to bear to tell them...?)

It's incredibly hard for the Senju to deny any involvement when Hikaku has sharingan perfect memories to share of the fake-Izuna (Sasuke, they had called him Sasuke) standing side by side with a man who resembles Tobirama and another who is very fucking clearly using Mokuton. And that's "very fucking clearly using mokuton" seen by someone who has SEEN mokuton used in battle. Multiple times. He will not mistake it for anything else.

Anyways oops sorry for creating a horrible political scandal and also probably making the Uchiha/Senju wore like 10 times more charged teehee </3

(Obito doesn't give a shit. Sasuke swings violently between caring both too little and too much depending on the hour of the day and how the issue is framed. Kakashi and Tenzo are.... distracted. And undecided. And care about this issue from an "aw shit but Konoha wait no—" view point)

Ummmmm anyways endgame Konoha is made early (but possibly with a bit more blood involved) and Hikaku is made Hokage bc I fucking love Hikaku, yay the end !!!

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Ur mind is so beautiful

Chapter 64: Crossover AU between hibiscusseaart's mdtb time travel marriage au and my own team ro time travel au

Summary:

Woahh first ever crossover between aus what a landmark

Chapter Text

Crossover AU between hibiscusseaart's mdtb time travel marriage au and my own team ro time travel au

@hibiscusseaart asked:

hi listen i just had a divine intervention or smth lmk if you don't like it but

what if your team Ro time travel au + my time travel Tobirama

Team Ro would have memories of the canon and they got to this different timeline and there's Tobirama actively trying to seduce Uchiha fucking Madara. They didn't teach THAT in the Academy

They got in the time when Tobirama still orchestrated meetings, but Butsuma is already dead so if everything goes well, Tobirama would get Madara and peace soon.

And then there suddenly spawn a Hatake with a sharingan with 2 Uchiha kids and a Mokuton user. Political nightmare.

Later Tobirama recognises Kakashi and was like "The fuck? It's that Hatake from the war. What is he doing there, he should not have been born yet!!"

OHHH THATS SO GOOD THO???

I'm gonna be real I love the concept of "team ro time travel au but they time travel into someone else's time travel au," that's so good

If we go with your au, there's a really interesting immediate aspect of like: hey ! Tobirama might recognize Kakashi or maybe even Tenzo from the war, but these guys are way fucking younger than when they met !!!

Idk what exactly can be done with that but it's interesting to consider. Also Tobirama talked ab Itachi and his crimes before I'm p sure? So like he knows what happens to the Uchiha and that it was Itachi who did it for the village. I wanna see him faced w the kid who he once praised for slaughtering his own clan to prove his loyalty.

I wanna see him feel the consequences of the stress Itachi is under when he (and possibly Shisui) attempt to kill Madara.

Stop interfering with his fix it fic you brats!! He's already got it covered!! You're just causing a mess!!!!

They get zapped in, like, in the middle of Tobirama's happy ending epilogue too. Tobirama is peacefully eating dinner in his house w his new husband Madara thinking "well. Alls well that ends well." Then BOOM Kakashi Shisui Itachi and Tenzo crash out of fucking nowhere directly onto their table, getting covered in food and breaking the table in half

Immediatley arrested !! I feel like Tobirama would instantly understand what happened by recognizing their uniforms + potentially Kakashi + he's already a time traveler himself so it's really no stretch for him to go "oh fuck I didn't think we'd get a double jepordy in this bitch but I guess not"

But like it's not like he can just SAY that ? Or he could but it would bring a lot of questions he probably does not want to answer.

Now another problem arises in like. I don't think Tobirama is especially attached to any of these guys. I can see him maybe having a lingering "pay it forward ig" feeling just bc they're "loyal konoha soldiers" and it'd be a waste to let that resource just burn. But also like. Under no circumstances can Tobirama have these guys share certain aspects of future knowledge.

Tobirama worked so hard to get here !!!! Literal years of planning !!!! He got his happy ending and it very much rests on Madara staying safe and sane and NO ONE IMPLYING HE WILL BETRAY KONOHA EVER !!!!! Tobirama does not even wanna RISK that becoming a rumor, he will take no chances.

Anyways I think his best course of action would be to reveal himself as a time traveler specifically to team ro, then position himself as their hokage who they should remain loyal to, say that it is for Konoha's best interests that they do not reveal certain things, and play it by ear from there.

Tobirama deciding he can't risk team ro going forward in time again and potentially fucking up the time stream or smthn. They need to stay here. He can not risk losing this shit. Sorry guys it looks like your trapped here <3

Anyways team ro being scary loyal to him bc he is the closest approximation to their (current?) Hokage and only person w the knowledge to enforce that power over them (at this time)

In my original post, like, all of team ro are already established to be kind of at their worst and most loyal to the village at that point to. They are at THE age(s) to be manipulated like that tbh, rip

It's not too bad tho. I think Itachi would feel relieved but also very guilty. Shisui too. Tenzo is violently neutral bc hes still in his "learning to be a real boy" phase from root, but it's all positive for him tbh. Kakashi is tricky bc his mental state is the equivalent of someone rapidly bouncing a ball on a thin pane of glass trying to prove it's bullet proof (it's not) and has like MOUNTAINS of complexes around the words "konoha authority figure" and what he's leaving behind. He's probably the most determined to go back

Anyways uhh. Izuna gets Itachi to help him be skeptical of Tobirama and spy on him. Itachi only agrees bc he violently reminds him of Sasuke (this will develop into a complex if not stopped. Shisui is working on it.)

@hibiscusseaart 🔄

OMG I LOVE THAT

Kakashi: "I wanna go back to my time"

"Mmm, no ❤️"

Kakashi would bring SO much more unnecessary drama just cuz he wants to go back and the second Hokage won't let him! But he can't disobey direct orders :(

Plus maybe Tobirama just told him smth like "Listen, even I or Mito can't travel to the future, it's just not possible," it's not impossible, he just doesn't want to.

"Tobirama, dear, did you learn where the fuck these kids came from?"

"They're mine now"

"All 4?.. it's fucking Hatake genes I swear to god..."

Baby Uchihas will be just adopted by Tobirama even though Itachi still wants to kill Madara.

"No, Itachi, listen. At any other circumstances I'd support you. But I've got it covered."

"If you say so Tobirama-sama..."

Itachi is not impressed and still suspicious, but very loyal. And really surprised when Madara just throws himself at Tobirama any chance he can and is blissfully happy.

"Niidaime-sama, how did you do that?"

"Don't call me that. To answer your question, careful planning and really long honeypot mission. And it was surprisingly easy to make him fall in love with me when he was 12."

Shisui would just get off to play with Kagami bc holy shit that's his grandfather.

Tenzo would get thrown at the Hashirama. It's one kid less problem child for Tobirama thank fuck.

Kakashi would def be adopted by Tobirama (it's doesn't matter that they're about the same age, Kakashi should be around 19, Tobirama is 21), because he's a Hatake and has a Sharingan. I have to idea how he'd explain this to Madara.

"Why does he have a sharingan?!"

"Don't worry about it, darling," Tobirama sweetly kisses Madara's cheek and his anger dissipates.

"Ah, well... It's still a sharingan... Is he a bloodline thief?" Madara asks with no fight in his voice, just genuine concern

"No, it was a gift from his dead Uchiha lover." - that's exactly what Tobirama though at the 4th war

"Ohhhh poor guy, he lost his lover! :(((" - This immediately put Kakashi oh much better terms with Madara and Madara would explain this to the Uchihas like "He's a widower have some respect!"

(somewhere at night when Madara still writes his diary, he'd muse that if he were dying he'd give his sharingan to Tobirama too. So romantic and tragic)

Also bc Kakashi is around the same age as Tobirama, Madara would be so jealous at first. What do you mean there's a random Hatake guy who now clings to Tobirama every so often!

(Kakashi doesn't cling, he just protects his Hokage cuz he doesn't have any other protection except Madara. But what if he needs protection FROM Madara?)

(Kakashi def clings to his alive relative)

Kakashi would be so not impressed and kinda freaked out cuz it's once again a married couple who, by the signs of it (buying furniture, clothes and ect) are preparing to have a kid (Motoko in her growing in the tube era), but for some reason also adopt Kakashi. And it doesn't matter that it's the traitor Madara Uchiha and Niidaime. It's still fucking THE SAME.

Tobirama gives him one look at him and goes to Itama to ask for real strong antidepressants and some weed just to help Kakashi relax at least a bit.

I think having a Hatake close would bring Kakashi some comfort. It had been a long time since he got scented (against his will tho) and was officially accepted as a pack.

Oh also now Tobirama has a groups of very skilled kids who are entirely loyal only to him (Danzo much?)

Tobirama doesn't know what the fuck to do with them. Once Motoko is born he'd send them to go buy groceries and assigns them at ~~babysitting~~ i mean bodyguard missions i guess

Itachi is so happy with these missions, but he misses Sasuke A LOT

Chapter 65: Tobirama character thoughts

Summary:

Just rambling thoughts about Tobirama, Konoha, and the Konoha child soldier factory

Chapter Text

Anonymous asked:

i feel neutral at best about tobirama but the way you draw him does strange things to my . what i meant to say was he's very cunty i like it

#Konoha is a political landmine #and my favorite fics are when the shinobi of Kakashi's generation have to wade through it to protection the current genin under them #Kakashi trying to figure out how to use his council seat and ask Asuma who gets his fathers #trying to protect Sakura Lee and Tenten who dont have a clan to protect them from how the village treats the non clan shonobi #and unraveling a long list of laws that the founders definitely made about the usage of child soldiers #which can go anywhere from 'emergency only' to 'clan kids are safe the cannon fodder can die tho' #also keeping his political powerkeg students away from those that will try and use them #and trying to figure out how complicit the clan heads are in this #like some i can see everyone knowing is shitty like Hyuga. But clan heads that Kakashi's generation may have respected??? #like the Nara #theyd have to figure out if they can be trusted

Don't be shy, feel free to stick around. I promise to feed you cunty Tobirama content to ur hearts content

I aspire to do strange things to everyone's .

@clackclackboom 🔄

been obsessed with him since i saw him in og naruto . he should've gotten more screen time bro literally created everything

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

LITERALLY THO!! AND ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY AND VERY INTERESTING!! My man created every other fucking jutsu used in canon that's insane and I want to see more done w it

Not just jutsu tho— konoha was the first shinobi village, and he was one of the 3 main guys who fucking made it, then was the Hokage during the first ever shinobi war. He set SO many standards not just in jutsu but in the political sense. It's so fascinating and there's SO much potential there to play with just of him being an incredibly influential historical figure

He literally helped to shape the basic society we see in Naruto canon/present era, in multiple fields and in a tangibly different way than his brother, who was (presumably at least) more well known for power alone + the peace thing as a whole

Every time I mention him in fics I have way too much fun emphasizing the fucking impact he had on society as a whole. Like, pointing at my fic Chasing Shadows rn ->

Anyways more people should play w just the fact that we see multiple characters in canon have entire careers made off of even a crumb of his research. Even a scrap of his notes could change the course of a shinobi's life forever and that is terrifying and wonderful and I love it

@clackclackboom 🔄

LITERALLY YOU GET IT U GET IT SO BAD!! hes literally a founding father atp and its so sad that we didn't see more of him as a hokage!! the village would defo not be where it is now without him and its sad that so little characters speak of him in shippuden. it saddens me how unaware of history all of the characters in the show are too. sasuke SOMEHOW didn't know who madara was, sarutobi's ELITE ninjas didn't even recognize tobirama or hashirama in og naruto

he created the chunin exams too and anbu like!!! give this man recognization ??? qkfeq !! also omg fic . ill prob read it later today. JUST AHH he has so much potential . also wouldve DIED to see more of his 'racism' with the uchiha, and sooo many other things

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

I love the founding father focus on Tobirama bc there's SO MUCH THERE!!!!! LITERALLY SO MUCH!!!

He literally helped to build a brand new, never before seen society! He was at ground 0! Not just that but he continued to shape it through the years, past Madara's betrayal, past Hashirama's death, into the first shinobi war— the Konoha we see in canon is absoloutley his brain child bc of the simple fact that he was the last man in charge standing. He was literally military dictator, ultimate leader, past the point of any of the other founding fathers surviving. I'm sorry but by the time of his death, there was no system in Konoha that passed by that he didn't at minimum give a pass to.

And then obviously Konoha was the first village, and their system was then reflected across MULTIPLE COUNTRIES!! Can u say trend setter? I love it sm, he helped to birth an entirely new political system and form of government and was (at least as far as we are told / implied in text) the last of the big figures of the era to exit the main stage

My favorite canon compliant thing to point to for the lack of recognition despite the fact that these guys should be so painfully recognizable on every level that it's stupid, and I'm so sorry bc I'm m gonna reference 2 different scenes in 2 different fics of mine bc I like how I wrote it here, but :

✨️ Military dictatorship information supression babyyyyy ✨️

Konoha politics are so fascinating, especially if you really try to sit down and think ab all the different clans and agendas and also the fact that of the three most arguably influential clans who founded Konoha (Senju, Uchiha, and arguably the Uzumaki if you take Mito into account and what she must have brought to the table politically) only ONE is still around. AND NOT FOR FUCKING LONG!!

The political balance on that must be INSANE. I can see someone like Danzo, or anyone else who might have a motive to lessen the Uchiha's importance in Konoha culture and history, using the fact that the Senju are no longer around to also put pressure on teaching less and less about the Uchiha's own involvement in Konoha's founding. The fact that the Uchiha mostly involved in the villages founding, Madara, is someone that the Uchiha obviously don't want to fucking talk ab, probably also helps in them slowly being pushed out of the narrative.

I'm sorry I've gotten incredibly off track, this was supposed to be ab Tobirama

Anyways the lack of recognition and historical importance is probably just one of narutos many writing flaws but of u sit down and think about it in terms of a shinobi military dictatorship run on secrets and information suppression, I think there's definitley potential there to make for a fascinating narrative

Your every man may not understand the true importance of Tobirama, nor might even the higher guards in ANBU— but the important men and women in charge, the Hokage and his immediate advisors, do. And what does that tell the audience?

Were also given so little about the founding era, especially in terms of characters. Like we're p much given 4-5 guys (Mito, Hashirama, Tobirama, Izuna, Madara) plus 2 bonus side characters lucky enough to be named (Touka and Hikaku) and I guess Butsama and Tajima if you wanna reach back further but even that's iffy.

And when were given so little, I feel like Tobirama's character, just by virtue of being who he is, comes with just SO many implications not just about him as a man but ab the era he was born into / the people around him / etc. He invented fucking NECROMANCY. You don't just DO THAT. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT. I FEEL LIKE ITS KIND OF GLOSSED OVER ACTUALLY. MY MAN STRAIGHT UP INVENTED ACTUAL NECROMANCY THEN JUST KINDA SHRUGGED AND WENT "WELL BIG BROTHER SAID NOT TO PLAY W THIS ONE SO I GUESS I WONT :/"

OR AT LEAST THATS WHAT WERE FORCED TO ASSUME BC THEY DONT ACTUALLY FUCKING TELL US!!

LIKE EXCUSE ME???? SIR???????????

Also he's hot. I like his design and Im weak to mad scientist coded characters, so I really never stood a chance 👍

@clackclackboom 🔄

DONT APOLOGIZE ITS OK AHHH i get so excited i dont have a lot of friends who like naruto (i have none) so talking abt tobirama or aNY character literally makes me so happy

I LOVE THE WAY U VIEW IT THOUGH i never thought about it that way . but yes his work is so unrecognized by others!!!! the fact that had tobirama not been there, not ANY of the villages would've been as advanced as they are now . he literally influenced the whole damn world . i keep saying hes the best hokage and it pains me to see people only remember the fact that he hated the uchiha clan . im not saying that he didn't, but im kinda sick of people judging his hokage reign on that and THAT alone

also yes!!! when u think about it in a more realistic light, i think that it could be very interesting . naruto, despite the ninja jutsu things reminds us a LOT abt real life wars, esp with pain's arc and the fact that his country got caught up in the war. it echoes a lot with the terrible things that happen in our world . AHH im so sorry abt spamming reblogs n stuff ik this is weird but ive NEVER spoken to naruto abt someone who likes it too before, im used to rambling abt it to my friends and them listening but not replying cuz they never watched it and don't plan to either

ALSO HES LOWKEY FINE AS HELL!!!!! when i learned about him i was like oh m god people must be all over him aND YET NO ONE IS?? the man is one of the smartest, strongest guys in the anime, was funny as hell during the war arc AND is fine as hell like what more do people need. AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HASHIRAMA because if i see one more person portray him as a man who couldn't hurt a fly i will punch a wall AHH im so happy i get to talk about this finally qkfqe

EDIT CAUSE I FORGOT TO SAY BUT MITO. mito. MITO!!!!!!!

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Tenderly holding ur hand,, my beloved new mutual pls continue to spam my inbox w reblogs as we scream ab naruto into the void ,,,,,

NO LITERALLY THO. Sorry I love Hashirama there's so much potential there too, in a similar but different vein to his brother, and I love everything his character shows without telling.

He quite literally backstabbed his best friend and literal soulmate while vowing he'd do the same even to his own children if they went against his ideals of peace!! He worked so hard to unite the clans, promised love and unity, but when revived years later and told of the downfall of the Uchiha, what did he do? He told Sasuke that Itachi did the right thing and was a true Konoha shinobi!!! That's fucking sick!!! What the actual fuck!!!

I think Hashirama is a fascinating case study of how a character can grow to be the very thing they once swore they hated. If he as a child could see the man he'd one day become I think he'd be horrified, and that is so much fun

"I want to create a place where children don't have to fight and our brothers can be safe"

> literally goes on to industrialize and spread the child soldier industry and even goes as far to make it accessible to civilians too so the child soldier factory never runs out of clan kids to send to the slaughter

Honestly all the founder characters are excellent examples of story telling through just existing. We can look at what we're told about them, how they present themselves, and their actual actions we see them do and say and draw so many conclusions— Hashirama especially falls victim to people just looking at the surface level puppy energy and accepting him at face value, while I think Tobirama has kind of the opposite issue of people fixating on some of the worse things he tipped the scales into happening and accepting that at face value too

It's a shame we don't get to see more of them but bc were left with so little, we're also left with just SO many implications. So many messy, messy, delicious implications

@clackclackboom 🔄

AHH UR SO RIGHT ; i think that hashirama's surface level puppy energy curse is also due to the fact that he was funny and had humor during the war act but lets be real . the real life terrible people/president/dictators that we have seen did have humor!! obviously im not comparing hashirama to those but that goes to say that he can have humor and not be just a cute little guy who wouldn't hurt a fly

the concept of a shinobi being able to be morally perfect and not grey at all is already BAFFLING to me, so the concept that someone as HASIRAMA, a founding father of a NINJA clan could be a perfectly morally acceptable person is beyond bc theres no way!! he has blood on his hands . it just makes sense. you cant possibly build what he built without having blood on your hands

i also think its sad that in the english dub the translation was kinda lost i feel like ?? in the dub he says 'i wont forgive', but in the manga its very much more implied that he will literally kill anyone who stands in the village's way . i feel that the translation they used in the dub doesn't show that very well but thats maybe just my opinion!!

also people don't talk enough about child soldiers in naruto. not enough . kishimoto shows a fucked up world that every villain is trying to fix i love this anime so much . my favorite character has to be obito for his writing, but i swear that had hashirama been more expanded upon he would've been my ultimate favorite.

also the uzumaki clan. my freaking roman empire!!!!!! actually no screw that the whole founding fathers of the leaf village era is my roman empire . i will NEVER let it go

@fandom-drake 🔄

Comments:

@longenoughname:

In the information supression side of things it really help that you get labelled a genius by graduating early (the less amount of time possible you spent in actual school) like people in RL forget history all the time, imagine if it was half hearttled teached during like a year or two when you were five

All those geniusses that dont know history end up in high possitions of power and dont think is important part of education either....

Chapter 66: ANBU naruto ask

Chapter Text

Anonymous asked:

Hear me out when I say ANBU!Naruto — <gets shot>

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Desperatley trying to remember which fic I saw an ANBU Naruto take I really liked but it refuses to come to me

He's teeechnically ANBU but like. Half of its for show. Everyone in the inner circle of Konoha politics knows who he is, the secret got out in like the first week. Never stood a chance.

He's probably on Kakashi's Hokage guard, maybe Sasuke can join him for attonment or whatever.

Kakashi putting Naruto into ANBU and making him his guard just to keep a closer watch on him, just like his Sensei did for him once.

And now here he is doing the same thing but teaching Naruto to be Homage on purpose

@kirabasai 🔄

naruto would be so excited to join anbu solely because of the masks. he'd be like "aw HELL YEAH i'm gonna be FOX" and in his head everything is great and beautiful and perfect only for him to be handed something else entirely, like a stoat, which naruto complains to kakashi about because it's so lame and boring and what even is a stoke or whatever its called—

he gets told that sadly, there are no fox masks. yes, indeed. if we gave an anbu agent a fox mask, they might be targeted by enemy villages on suspicion of being the jinchuuriki. we don't want that happening, these are our best operatives! naruto pouts about it because he is the jinchuuriki so he's already a bit of a target but eventually relents because if they don't have any fox masks made, then that's that (the anbu masks are super easy to make but they tell him that it's a super complicated year long process after he suggests they just.. make a fox mask. yes. mhm.)!

only for anbu agents fox and kit (both of which are fox masks) to return to konoha six months later after their long term surveillance assignment in the capital, and be faced with the offended shrieks of one naruto uzumaki because they told me there were no fox masks for agents!!! what the fuck!!!! they lied to me!!!!!! i could have been a fox but i'm a STOAT.

it warms the cold, dead cockles of kakashi's heart.

sasuke also being anbu sounds interesting but i think sakura should be considered as well because anbu isn't a unit where you need really fancy jutsu to do well in. no, you just need to be good at killing, and there are a lot of ways to kill somebody in naruto. there is one thing you could argue sakura is a prodigy in— chakra control. imagine a sakura where instead of becoming tsunade's apprentice and an accomplished medi-nin, she somehow ends up on a path that leads her down to anbu. possibly with genjutsu, because that's another thing that needs good chakra control.

it seems very out of left field and possibly out of character for her, but it’s an interesting thought.

Chapter 67: team ro time travel au + team ro defects from Konoha to join sound au mashup

Summary:

A disillusioned team ro that defected from konoha time travels to the warring states era

Chapter Text

Speaking about au crossovers, suddenly absoloutley infected w the idea of a team ro time travel au + the team ro defects from Konoha to join sound au mashup

So many time travel to the warring state aus hit the beats of "oh yeah were from the future village u made, which btw is awesome" but what happens when that diverse team of clans, that team of mismatched uchiha/hatake/suspected senju that people of the time gape at seeing work so smoothly together, instead of vouching for the village condemn it?

But there's also an added layer of like— some of these characters still care about the village. Honestly all of team ro does on some level.

Itachi and Shisui are still village loyalists, just forced to leave for their own self preservation when Danzo would have them killed

Tenzo is still struggling with his own brainwashing and even tho he may have chosen the team and his friends over konoha, he still has that "you live for the village you die for the village" mentality implanted deep in his heart. He may actually try to compensate for it by being vocally against konoha when given the opportunity (lying to himself ab it)

Kakashi is complicated. He's probably the one among them who it can truly be said is against konoha— for a refresher on the detector au, he left after finding out Danzo had his father killed, then walked in on him trying to kill Shisui + this was around the time where Danzo was trying to get him to kill Sarutobi (and he was straight up willing to do it too) so there's a LOT going on in that head of his. I think he considers Konoha to be it's people— and unfortunatley he has very little people left there to truly care about. Doubly unfortunatley (for Konoha) a chunk of the people he finds himself willing to "allow" himself to care for have also come with him in this defection. So.

It's complicated.

Anyways, all of this is to say is that these guys have some seriously complex thoughts on Konoha and whether it's truly "good" or not, and I think that'd make for an interesting read when they eventually meet the founders

Also like. There's a pretty heavy Uchiha bias among them, let's be real.

Tenzo may have the Mokuton and may or may not be some sort of Senju bastard, but his education wasn't shit. He has absoloutley no opinions on the Senju in general but his only friends in the entire world are 2/3rd uchiha, so.

Shisui and Itachi are literally Uchiha. Itachi is the fucking clan heir. I don't even need to elaborate.

Kakashi is the only one who could claim to be any sort of neutral (hes even distantly related to Tobirama, though he doesnt even know it) but it was also established in the detector au that he has some sort of positive relation to Mikoto. I like to HC that Tsunade was a good friend of his father and even babysat him when he was younger tho, so there's that. But like. Still. There is a much bigger Uchiha influence on (literally his entire) life than Senju.

Anyways I don't really have any specific thoughts for this one? They don't have the same konoha loyal motivations as the original team ro time travel au, but they also don't have any motivations to like, STOP the founding of Konoha itself. They're smart enough to recognize it was a net positive for all of shinobi kind. But they don't wanna be involved.

If Orochimaru came with them maybe they can try to create sound way back when? That could be cool

Call up the Hatake and the Orochi of the warring states and see if we can make a new first ever shinobi village with a different image in mind

Fucking Orochimaru headed medical revolution 100 years earlier than it has any buisness being ,,,

Mmm this is just making me think ab an Orochimaru time travel fic actually and that's not what I want with this specific thing so let's shelve that for later maybe

But like. Team Ro time travels to the warring states but it's the team Ro that defected from Konoha

OH FUCK THAT MEANS SASUKE IS WITH THEM TOO

Rip Sasuke, my favorite little Izuna look alike. He's like 8 and the second any Uchiha see him they're going to have a stroke and go tell Madara and Izuna they might have stumbled upon something seriously sinister

Oops <3

Chapter 68: warlord madara mistakes modern tbrm for a god as they use a time traveling chest to write to eachother pt.1

Summary:

modern AU Tobirama inherits some ancient chest that acts as a little time travel mail box to the ancient warlord Uchiha Madara, who is only days from death where he and his army are trapped inside the walls of their own city.

Chapter Text

#aka im a sucker for a happy ending #and ive seen fics with this premise before and they always make me cry bc the couple can't be together #so now they're together anyway #something something Tobirama told Madara he wasn't worthy of worship he should turn to like Amaterasu or something and so Madara did #and Madara got reincarnated about it #idk just make them happy please #maybe Tobirama invents time travel for realsies

Fic based off of the cdrama 'she is a god: love with an ancient general'

Where modern AU Tobirama inherits some ancient chest that acts as a little time travel mail box to the ancient warlord Uchiha Madara, who is only days from death where he and his army are trapped inside the walls of their own city.

After Madara dumps some bloodied bandages into the chest, it is transported to Tobirama's time, shooting out the top. Tobirama replies by trying to wash the pot out— only for the water to seemingly go nowhere, and a correspondence begins.

Madara mistakes Tobirama for a god, and Tobirama attempts to help Madara win the war from his side of the timeline by sending food, weapons, and hints of what may be yet to come as he studies the few crumbs of Madara's history that remain today— which becomes more complex as Tobirama sees history change in real time, corresponding with each new battle won and day lived where Madara should have died.

The fic ends w them never meeting but Tobirama going to a museum where he finds statues of both his and Madara's likeness (his own borrowed from a photo he sent upon Madara's request)

Madara is recorded in history as an incredibly devout man who never took any spouse and was for all intense and purposes recorded as terribly in love with the god he worshipped

@thybirbman 🔄

Consider:

Tobirama's likeness to the fictional god is noted by friends (which does happen irl) and most of them have a good laugh at it, particularly his cousin Touka who was the first one to notice after having caught him staring at the depiction of some centuries old guy who she now teases him for having a crush on. It's all in good fun, of course, and nothing comes of it other than some fun inside jokes.

Only, it doesn't stay that way, because of course it doesn't. Tobirama's well-intentioned but sometimes idiot of a brother Hashirama catches wind of Tobirama’s "crush" and somehow gets the impression Tobirama is in fact in love with this long dead guy, and somehow gets the idea that he needs to find a lookalike to the centuries old war general - who they don't even have the name of anymore, Tobirama had hunted down records of his battles purely through time period and context clues - because of some twisted misunderstanding that it will make Tobirama happy.

Somehow, somehow, his brother's plan actually works. Because here they are, Tobirama ans a stranger Hashirama found online, standing in front of an exhibit where they both bear a striking resemblance to what can only be called long dead lovers.

"I am so sorry for my brother- he said you were from Abashiri? That's practically on the other side of the country, I can't believe he somehow dragged you here-"

"No need to apologize, Tobirama-sama," the stranger stared at him with something like awe. "I am more than happy to cross any country for you."

"I-"

"I'm Madara," the stranger continued undeterred. "No prestigious general title this time around, though, I'm afraid."

@ohai-there 🔄

#this is SO big brain #the doomed yaoi #the way that tobirama KNOWS how it ends for Madara #knows that he'll never meet him ever #but still slowly falls #originally it had been curiosity #then madara had become a friend #and then something more and oh no tobiramas suddenly INVESTED #this is not how its supposed to go #and then tobi's suddenly frantically going through all these books and websites of history #and hes on historical and rp forums like #“lets say im a general with 10 thousand troops in XXXX at this location” #“how would I win against the ambush awaitng” #and gets a reputation for 'that guy whos obsessed with uchiha madara' #or 'that guy who really rps madara hard' #hes known as a madara kinnie #tobirama has to live with that hanging over his head #and he also has to put money into giving supplies and medicine #and spending hours trying to gather supplies and advice on how to keep madara alive #and then one day wikipedia just says “Uchiha Madara died of old age during XXXX at the age of 93” #and Tobirama just has to stare at it #he's spent years of his life on this man #the letters keep coming #but they slow down #and eventually they stop #madara on the other hand is initially suspicious of the mysterious chest which makes his bandages disappear #and then ejects water straight into his face the next time he opens it #BUT ITS FRESH CLEAN WATER #and he and his army know that rations are dwindling #and clean water is hard to come by

Clean water comes from the chest so Madara scrambles to try and collect as much of it as possible and eventually it stops and Madara's just stuck staring at an empty, slightly moist box. It has to be magic of some kind, or divine intervention.

So he waits and keeps checking the box for more magic and slowly his men are starving. So, in his desperation he writes a letter begging for help, explaing how he's in such a bad situation and he's desperate and he signs off with, "begging your assistance, Uchiha Madara." And then he waits and waits and keeps checking the box.

And there's nothing. So Madara goes to sleep with his stomach growling and panicking only slightly.

In the morning he checks the box and staring back at him are 2 10 litre drinking water tanks and bags of rice and chicken all wrapped up in an odd material that's thick and stretchy and waterproof (it's plastic). And he just stares at it blankly for a few moments before he realises what he's looking at and starts taking everything out and at the bottom is a piece of paper.

It's bleached white and the weirdest consistency and it has the oddest smell. On it has writing saying things like "I can send more," and "I do not have endless resources", and also three strategies on how to get out of his current situation. He's too desperate to really care where the food comes from or what the price will be so he takes it all.

The face of his troops are priceless when he comes sprinting out of his room with the water and the food and morale instantly gets boosted. He goes back to his room and finds the chest filled with nothing but water and the next time, more rice and more chicken.

Meanwhile Tobirama just had the phattest Costco haul of his life.

How much food does an army need?? He doesn't know. But his family pays for his tuition and his studies and give him a big allowance and Tobi has no passions to spend on so....

Anyway imagine Izuna confronting Madara about where he's getting all this shit from and Madara guiltily admits he's taking advantage of the favour of a god of resources and strategy and Izuna is both angry and worried, because gods don't just GIVE stuff for free, there's always a cost, and also his big brother is betraying Amaterasu-sama.

Madara doesn't want to betray their patron goddess but... His men are starving and belief doesn't fill their bellies. What is faith in comparison to hunger?

Amaterasu-sama has been silent even as her most faithful are starving.

Izuna can stay faithful to her but Madara will gladly take condemnation if it means they can get out of this alive.

But also imagine his absolute relief when he sees the image of Tobirama with his red blessed eyes and he's sticking trying to figure out if Tobi is Amaterasu herself taken different form, or a subordinate or like WHAT before he decides that Tobi is just Tobi, his miracle.

Anyway, Madara follows Tobi's instructions and they turn the tides and win and Madara returns back home with the title of 'hero' on his back so he sends a long gratituous letter back to the god and the god replies a while later... And then they don't stop sending letters.

Tobirama allows Madara to believe he's a god because that's probably easier for his belief systems but that also means that Tobirama puts in extra work to not give away that's he's just some guy and he puts his whole ass into committing to the bit.

Tobiramas brother is suddenly a god of medicine (he's just a head of hospital) and his parents are the god leaders of a branch of other gods (they're CEO's of their company) and his Touka is a goddess of war (she just picks on Tobi when she comes around) but every now and then he slips up and shows he's really more human than Madara believes a god to be and he grows suspicious but then...

"You need to make sure Izuna doesn't go to the battle on the east border, otherwise he'll die." And Madara's heart drops because his brother was sent out three days ago.

Izuna comes back horrendously wounded with an infection that would undoubtedly take his life and Madara writes to Tobirama begging for help, again.

It takes a day, a day where Madara spends waiting and pacing and checking the box and sitting by his brother's bedside as he's fever ridden and delirious and finally there's something from Tobirama.

It's a box of pills, white, small, and instructions to have Izuna take the "antibiotics" twice a day, and finish every single one, even if Izuna appears to have recovered fully.

He's also told to wash the wound with boiled, warm water and then put on the cream in the strange cold tube onto it.

"you better be grateful," Tobirama writes, "I had to negotiate with my brother. The cost was... Intense" (Hashirama had questioned why, who, what happened, which Tobirama had sidestepped and then forced Tobirama to agree to come to the family dinners for two months before he agreed to give the prescription and instructions) while Madara is absolutely devastated when he realises that his new god friend is taking the brunt of whatever the price for the assistance is.

Izunas too out of it for the first few days but eventually when he's coherent and recovering well (god magic is crazy) he freaks out because he didn't want anything to do with the heathen gods but Madara's like >:( Tobirama copped the price so you better be grateful.

And Izuna is sooo suspicious like why!!! Why would he do that for you!!! And goes through all of Madara's things and is like "HES FLIRTING WITH YOU?????"

Madara, smitten: 🥰 we're just friends

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP I LEFT AND WHEN I CAME BACK THIS POST HAD RECIEVED SO MANY REALLY FUCKING GOOD REPLIES AND ADITIONS I AM STARING BLANKLY AT THEM ALL BEFORE SPONTANIOUSLY EXPLODING

No bc literally everything u just said is so good what the fuck. I was picturing this as totally doable as a longer one shot but ough the additions of god of medicine Hashirama and god of war Touka and branch gods Butsama and unnamed wife,,,,,,,, suddenly it is spiraling into smthn so much longer as I just. Picture those little bits of the story. Ur actually SO genius for thinking of that Im taking that and running for the fucking hills

Idk if Id commit but I am for some reason picturing Hashirama finding out ab the box and sending Madara a letter and, well, yk that one sonic snapcube audio thats just eggman yelling "WHY ARE YOU CALLING SONIC ON OUR EVIL PHONE LINE. YOU CANT BE DOING THAT. STOP CALLING SONIC ON OUR PHONE LINE." Thats just Tobirama yelling at Hashirama ab stealing his pen pall

Actually note to self to draw that later in general bc thats really fucking funny

BUT LIKE GOD OF WAR TOUKA TAKING LIKE. ANCIENT AND MODERN WARFARE TACTICS CLASSES AS PART OF HER DEGREE / AS A FUN CLASS IN COLLEGE. PERFECT PERSON TO CONSULT. AND HASHIRAMA GOD OF MEDICINE BC HE WORKS AT A HOSPITAL. JUST. SO GOOD. IM SHAKING U.

Also the sort of outsider POV of Madara just retreating into his room and emerging some time later with a ton of food reminds me of the old brothers grim fairy tales Id used to read, I can not lie. Like it giving a mix of one of those call and response "please I need food -- the next day they woke up besides all the food they could ever need" fairytales but also one of those "a woman is told not to see her husbands sleeping face or smthn bad will happen" tales where so long as the woman never sneaks a peek, her life is magical-- but the second she looks to satisfy her own curiosity, she is punished for her hubris and loses it all

From an outsider POV Madara totally looks super fantastical here, Im sure the story is passed down for generations to come and maybe even turned into a fairytale of its own

"A great general faces his end, his troops starving and his walls besieged.

"General, please, the men are starving!" says his second. The General hums, and retreats into his room to think. Half a candle later, he emerges with barrels of rice and water to cook enough porridge to feed the entire army.

"General, where did you get this?" Gasps his second, but the general only shakes his head. "Do not ask, or our good fortune may meet its end!"

But it is not long before again, the generals second is crying out. "General, please, the enemy are knocking at our door!"
The general hums, and retreats into his room. Half a candle later, he emerges with detailed plans to counter the enemy, numbers of their troops, and enough arrows to man every archerer they had.

"General, how in the world did you get this?" Gasps his second, but again, the general only shakes his head. "Do not ask, or our good fortune may meet its end!"

The battle won, the generals second came to the general once again. "General, please, our men are all wounded and dying!"
The general hums, and retreats into his room. Half a candle later, he emerges with strange medicine, and instructions to follow that save every last man.

"Well, are you not going to ask me where I got this from?" the general demanded when this time, his second remained silent.

"Of course not general! I don't want our good fortune to end!"

^ anyways something like that being passed down as a fairytale that seems to suddenly pop up out of nowhere for Tobirama to find in his research as he helps Madara

(Izuna was totally his second but Im definitely picturing Hikaku as the second mentioned in the story)

I was kind of set on a sad "and then they never meet" ending but @thybirbman's addition convinced me and I am now picturing like, the letters slowly stop as time seems to speed up on Madara's end, or maybe the chest breaks after Tobirama's 'duty as a god' is done or whatever

And so at this point, history has been changing before Tobirama's very eyes (being aware of the chests power somehow allows him to remember how things used to be) and now the Uchiha still exist as this successful clan turned business family-- including one Madara Uchiha, named after his ancestor (along with his brother Izuna and cousin Hikaku, also coincidentally named for long dead, important Uchiha. What a funny coincidence.)

And some months after the letters stopped, Tobirama manages to bump into this modern age Madara.

Tobirama is struck by Madara's strikingly familiar appearance to the rare portraits he'd seen of his Madara, and Madara is struck by this strange pull he seems to feel towards the seemingly random man. Neither of them know that this Madara is the reincarnation of that Madara, but they don't need to know that to fall in love all over again

The end <3

I have a feeewww more thoughts but I can physically feel myself loosing focus w every paragraph so Ill leave it here for now

Continues on Chapter 69

Chapter 69: warlord madara mistakes modern tbrm for a god as they use a time traveling chest to write to eachother pt.2

Summary:

Small additions to last chapters au

Notes:

I feel like I should make a joke ab having reached chapter 69

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 68

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

@sanska

IVE ABSOLOUTLEY EEN PICTURING HIM AS A COLLEGE STUDENT ACTUALLY HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THAT YET

Idk what he's majoring in, it'd be funny if it was like. Architecture or some shit, idk, but this guy is on a limited budget (Costco is ab to get a very loyal customer)

The catch is that, obviously, Madara eventually begins to send his god offerings through the chest. He has to pay his respects to his god !!!

The Uchiha are trapped and starving within their own city walls but they aren't completely out of some resources— jewelry and jade, pottery and paintings. The clan was and continued to be famous for their craftsmanship then and in the future, and some authentic, mint condition Uchiha made metalwork is all Tobirama needs to pawn off to a museum to get some serious money.

Tobirama finding some shady collector to sell to, they won't ask any questions and neither will he. (The collector is actually like. Orochimaru or smthn)

Then he uses the money from that to buy more things for Madara, who continues to send him things in thanks, rinse and repeat

But anyways so college student Tobirama, studying architecture and city building.

Itama is also a college student and he's taking classes on ancient history, culture and customs and can be consulted for that (along w the internet, thank you Uchiha enthusiast reddit pages)

Tobirama mentions his "studies" more than once to Madara and Madara is equating him to the godly equivalent of an imperial scholar or smthn. God of scholars,,

@rosyhatake

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HE DOES !! Full on photoshoot, Itama came with for moral support and also on consulting for the final details. He bullies Tobirama into a wig for it, can't be larping as an ancient Japanese god with short hair, that's just silly!

Touka is also there for moral support (she invited herself) and keeps overly critiquing his poses and accessories. Itama ends up joining in the fun and Tobirama kicks them both out

His portrait ends up coming out looking extra stern bc the best photos were all taken with Tobirama being annoyed w Itama and Touka

Itama then gets on him for printing it out like normal and hounds him w the fact that it'd be even cooler if he had it printed on cloth instead to really sell the authenticity on his project. Come on Tobirama, go the extra mile!

@thybirbman 🔄

Itama, slowing down in buying expensive pure canvas cloth or something for the photo: hey, uh, where are you getting the money for this, actually?

Tobirama, who is not about to tell Itama that he found a time traveling box bc Itama would either immediately put Tobirama in a mental hospital or demand to send like sex toys into 500 BC: ... I have a sugar daddy.

#if they tried to access Google would the box transport wifi #or would Madara and Izuna get the joy of playing the dinosaur game #The spices and chocolate are a good morale boost as only rich people and nobles would have them #The gift of light is also very cool #The random picture of a cat gets passed down as a family heirloom for generations

Is the box big enough to fit a person through? Could Madara or Tobirama climb through the box to say hello? If not, can Tobirama stick his arm through the box and wave? I’d just imagine Madara’s men are very wary of supplies and advice from this fake god and want proof that Madara hasn’t lost it. Madara writes a letter saying “send proof you’re real (respectfully)” and Tobi just sticks his arm through and waves at the horrified onlookers. Some join Madara in their worship of this magic box, while others are terrified of this body horror god box. The myth of chest mimics derives from Tobirama’s magic box.

Hashirama I feel joins in on the secret because his brother can’t keep a secret from him to save his life. Maybe he follows up after Izuna’s near death experience. Hashirama is so happy about his lonely brother’s new pen pal that he doesn’t even mind the implications of the timeline being altered. Tobirama is pulling his hair out trying to figure out how space and time works, he might become a quantum physicist. He’s got a time traveling box, he can test so many theories. I don’t think he’d invent a Time Machine, but maybe he figured out how the box works in theory? Maybe he also finds away to make the box bigger… The internet would rag on Tobi so hard when it’s revealed the motive behind the leading quantum physicist is that he wants to meet an old war general he’s been simping for.

Also, crack idea: Tobirama accidentally drops his phone in the box. He immediately tries to get it back but Izuna starts holding it ransom and while fiddling with it (what’s so special about a small black box). Tobirama gets tired of the back and forth, especially since Izuna wants to know what a “phone” is. So Tobi walks Izuna and a petrified Madara through to the call button while he grabs his old phone. Madara is enlightened to hear his god’s voice while Izuna recoils so hard he nearly throws the phone. This is appearently how the gods send letters! I don’t think Tobi would be dumb enough to tell them about Google, but maybe Madara and Izuna play with the camera function and learn what a picture is. Even Izuna is a little awed by the instant realistic drawing. Tobirama eventually gets his phone back in exchange for some novelty, quality of life items. Whatever spices Tobi has in his kitchen, some chocolate, blankets and bedding, a battery powered flashlight, over the counter pain medication, DayQuil, a picture of his cat, and a small bonsai tree Hashirama left at his house. Tobirama frantically rummaging through his house for anything he could use to entice Izuna into a trade. Izuna and Madara get the weirdest out of body experience of their lives (and a ton of morale boosting items, maybe a monopoly board as well). Tobirama now has a picture of Madara and Izuna looking shocked at the camera flash (red eyes lol) framed on his wall. Cats may now also be part of the Tobi box cult, and Izuna suspects a lot of the gifts to be human made. He doesn’t think time travel or a god, but more in the lines of an alien or monster/demon that’s from a more sophisticated race.

Comments

luvuuuuu11111: I'm just here thinking about Madara having a shrine of tobirama I CANTTT izuna saw the shrine and is like "Nii-san. What the fuck??" There's even candles and stuff that tobirama gave him.

sanska: As much as it hurts me to consider it selling artefacts to private owners is def one way Tobi could make good money :’) for funsies in this hypothetical scenario passing off pottery and ceramics are the best bet, as while the uchiha metalwork might be famed honestly no degradation from the centuries (because why would madara give his god inferior goods) would be too suspicious. Also history/archeo student Itama?? Man is seeing all these artefacts and screaming because he can’t study or write about them OR there will be questions they can’t answer

Chapter 70: twins Itama and Tobirama, and the secret Senju weed empire Pt.4

Summary:

the Itama train never stops

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 51

messy sketches for the Itama and Tobirama twins fic sitting sad and neglected in my drafts, as talked ab here and here

If slash when I write it fr maybe Ill clean up the sketches and make them pretty to post w it

#this is from a while ago but I found it just now in my gallery and thought it was funny

New Itama and the senju weed empire lore just dropped, the real reason he died in canon finally revealed,,,

So obviously this is like 99% just stupid art, which I normally dump in my art vault fic, but its also Itama content and also I am my own god and decided to put it here too

Chapter 71: (SVSSS crossover) Ming Fan gets zapped across the naruto timeline

Summary:

this one and the Uchiha SQH au have me back in my svsss era I guess

Chapter Text

#THE FUCKING END!!! BOOM! !! THERE!!! DID IT !!! FUCK!!!! #This ended up being 8.9k words HOW did this end up being 8.9k words #this has been in my drafts since fucking june 7th #oops !

Staring into the void thinking about my unloved little guy favorites and feeling the thoughts mix with my adoration for stupid niche crossovers. I want a svsss x Naruto crossover but instead of anyone especially notable from svsss who crosses over it's my favorite "really not as bad as he could be" award winner, Ming Fan

Squinting back at naruto and flipping a coin to decide if he lands in warring states era or modern konoha and deciding I like both of these options, so we're going to do 2 separate stories/timelines. Or maybe we'll have him land in the past then get flashed forward to future Konoha when he tries going home so he gets the best of both worlds, who knows— I'll decide when I get there.

With that said, buckle in baby because it's time for:

✨️ Ming Fans very unfortunate fall into the mess that is naruto canon ✨️

Ming Fan gets flung into another dimension due the ultimate possible sin in svsss: being a background character.

Some obligatory crazy adventure was happening to Luo Binghe and SQQ involving some magic artifact, and in your stereotypical "someone not too important to the plot touches the object and gets exploded, proving it's dangerous to touch + upsetting SQQ so LB can appropriately comfort him" (probably originally a wife plot) scene, Ming Fan gets zapped into naruto canon. Woops!

If it helps him feel any better, SQQ really is upset by this. Binghe is not. At all. He might think it's karma but also this guy doesn't know the first fucking thing about appropriate levels of karma so maybe he should keep his mouth shut.

(Neither of these facts make him feel better but do you know what does? Imagining SQQ yelling at Binghe for this. He's so fucking sure it's that guy's fault somehow. It's always his fault somehow.)

So boom, he gets zapped into the worst possible (and my personal favorite moment for inconvenient time travel) moments; The final battle between the Uchiha and the Senju.

Specifically, he gets zapped directly onto Tobirama's sword. Queue shocked Pikachu faces from everyone— including Ming Fan but with added dramatic blood and cursing in chinese. Bc hey!! They don't speak the same fucking language actually!!

Unfortunate.

So Tbrm and Izuna both jump back away from this unknown as Ming Fan continues to bleed and curse and be very fucking confused as to where he was.

He took the hit in the shoulder of his non dominant arm, it's a pretty clean cut and he's a cultivator so he'll be fine with some rest but MAN if it don't hurt like a bitch. On top of the motion sickness of being launched through time and space too, and wrapped up in a little bow of "surrounded by hostile looking strangers all yelling in a language I don't understand"

Yeah he's not having the greatest time right now.

So like, Ming Fan just sort of appeared out of nowhere, right? Which has Tobirama extra fucked up bc, yk, hiraishin.

Izuna doesn't know that he was just saved from death death, so he's appropriately grateful at avoiding being stabbed but also like. Who the fuck are you. How did you get here. You just interrupted my battle with my rival and I take a little offense to that actually.

Everyone is yelling and confused and Ming Fan is seriously debating hopping on his sword and flying off because fuck this.

Madara and Hashirama finally enter stage left and are both like "well he's not one of ours" so now everyone is eyeing him even more suspiciously and a couple people are for sure lowkey tensing to attack

Enter convenient svsss mcguffin! Because "idk it sounds like something SQQ would know how to do," Ming Fan knows some language technique that allows him to speak/understand a language for a certain amount of time.

So he grabs his sword and circulates his qi to prepare the technique, and everyone tenses up because hey what are you doing over there buddy

Tobirama, a really good sensor, can actually sense the differences between Ming Fan's qi circulating through his dantian vs how shinobi would circulate chakra through their chakra coils. So he's holding a hand up like 'wait let him cook' @ the Senju who tensed up for a possible attack, if only because he wants to see where this goes and is confident that if he tried anything fr, well, he's kind of surrounded on all sides rn by two entirely different factions

The Uchiha meanwhile don't want to be the first to strike, so everyone's just kinda cautiously gripping their weapons in this very odd battlefield stall

And boom: now he can speak their language.

I'd say the first thing he does is grab Tobirama and shake him while cussing him out about watching where he's swinging that sword of is but he's smarter than that. (For sure it's what he wants to do tho. He is picturing it. Oh man is he picturing it.)

So like, actual communication for now

Now. PIDW is fucking filled with all sorts of mcguffins, "I touched something I shouldnt have and when I opened my eyes I was somewhere strange" is alarmingly common, and the sect absoloutley has some sort of "teleportation checklist" to run through whenever your random, unfortunate disciple gets fucking zapped.

(I like to hc that Shang Quinghua had some sort of hand in making an "official" checklist taught across the peaks, and that different peaks treat this checklist with uhh,, different amounts of respect. (LQG thinks its useless but has simultaneously run the tally for peak lord whose gotten stranded by artifacts he shouldn't have touched the most. These two facts may be directly correlated.))

Anyways; Ming Fan gets to doing that checklist. He's demanding to know where he is, when he doesn't recognize the name, how close he is to the sea, what year and time of the year it is, where the nearest sect is, etc.

At first this is directed at Izuna and Tobirama both, but when Izuna fails to answer as directly as Tobirama does (with quick, flat answers) and also tries to return the questions ("who are you, how did you get here, etc.") he directs his attention soley to Tobirama. Even though hes a little BITCH and stabbed him

(Ming Fan can recognize he teleported directly onto his blade but this will not change him being butt hurt ab it)

For everyone watching, this is weird as all hell! Who is this guy? Why these questions? Ew why is he deferring to the Senju, our Izuna-sama would be so much better to ask—

Now, quick side note, the thing about Ming Fan is he's just like a dude. He's just a guy. But also he's really not, but also he really is? If that makes sense?

He's the senior most disciple and (correct me if I'm wrong here bc its been a while) SQQ's head disciple, which means he'll be the next peak lord in however many years when SQQ and his generation chooses to ascend. So he's definatley not a slacker when it comes to power or wit. Even if he does rank pretty low in the overall SVSSS canon, but also like, yeah, background character vs actual heavenly demons n shit.

So he's definitely a pretty impressive guy!! But also he's just a guy. And he's in contact with the power houses and freaks that is SVSSS main cast (*cough* Luo Bingghe *cough*) So his sense of self and where be ranks power wise is probably skewed to a degree. (Though I imagine that when left to his own devices and not having to defer to his shizun, he definitely suffers from "haughty bitch disease" (tragically not fatal, for now at least)

Thus; cultivator version of just a dude. I love him!!

(arguably the only better option for the "svsss just a dude award" would be Gongyi Xiao, who I also love dearly but he's not here right now, so, winner by default Ming Fan!!! (Story of his fucking life tbh))

Anyways, back to plot:

So, thinking that Ming Fan immediatley recognizes Tobirama's hiraishin design bc it was actually enscribed on whatever artifect got him sent here. Wwoahhh mystery or something idk but theres that

(Was Airplane thinking about naruto when he created this specific object? Did he maybe google "sealing design ideas" then copy paste the hiraishin directly into his work, knowing no one but him would know what he had done since there was no artwork to go with it? Maybe. Perhaps. Just possibly.)

I honestly dont really know where itd go from that, but like Ming Fan probably sticks around specifically to harass Tobirama in the hopes he can send him home.

He points at the Hiraishin and goes "Your talisman brought me here. Take responsibility."

Tobirama understands this as his activation of the Hiraishin in battle literally summoned Ming Fan (only half true) and the poor mans presence here is thus entirely his fault. (Ehhhhh not really)

Ming Fan will not correct this assumption.

Either way though, Tobirama would not give up the chance / excuse to interact with and help return an interdimensional traveler. Can you say science experiment?? Because Tobirama sure fucking can!

Tobirama ends up having a fucking field day trying to find ways to replicate Ming Fan's different techniques with chakra instead of qi, and just in general studying how the energy in their bodies flows and works so differently yet so similarly

Anyways !

Through convoluted reasons peace happens somehow

Ming Fan calls Izuna a dumb bitch to his face maybe, idk that sounds like smthn hed do. But also like more politely bc they have different ways of speaking and SQQ probably gets on his ass about 'if you're going to insult someone do it in a way that reflects well on your own and the peaks teachings'

Actually I love that and now I need Ming Fan and Izuna cat fights

Actually I need Ming Fan and everyone cat fights, Izuna just gets the worse of it bc in my heart he is diva coded in a similar way to Ming Fan

Tobirama also bites back but hes too interested in the opportunity to study Ming Fan to risk being proper rude like he usually would to like, pretty much anyone else.

"Did this guy call me and my entire clan useless warmongers with the collective IQ of a tree stump? Yes. Do I want to cut him open to see if his organs match my own? Also yes. And my chances of getting to do this are very slightly raised by at minimum not pointing out that he has the attitude of if chihuahua got fucked by the worlds angriest hairless cat and spat out a human shaped baby."

Madara is NOT safe from the Ming Fan bitchfest but hes too busy happily drinking with Hashirama at the prospect of peace to give him his full attention, so he lets Izuna handle the cat fights

Hashirama meanwhile thinks hes kind of a tool but is also too busy happily drinking with Madara to really care, and is also the sort of guy to think that bitchy people are funny (as long as he isnt the one who has to deal with the consequences they bring) so honestly? Hes also having fun watching him and Izuna fight

Ummm stuff happens, peace is achieved, Konoha is developed and Ming Fan is in the thick of it bc he still needs Tobirama to send him home. He's kind of just,, there. Hanging out. Doesnt really have anything to do here, isnt particularly invested in this city building shit. As head disciple he has experience with things like management and the like, but nothing on this scale. He is however familiar with the concept of government-esq bodies overseeing superpowered people in societies equivalent to something close to a village. So that might come in handy, idk

But yeah, Ming Fan is just kind of hanging around, maybe he's brought in as a fresh pair of eyes / consultant

When it comes time to elect a Hokage, it's Madara vs Hashirama, with both of their younger brothers obviously backing their elder brothers.

Ming Fan, who has taken many, many missions across many different villages, countries, kingdoms and more, has seen this fucking story go down a million different ways. Better yet, he's seen this story go down a million different ways, often with SQQ hanging over his shoulder providing live commentary and a fucking insiders POV on the mechanics of this

The thing about Madara is that he is clearly respected by his clan, and feared by others. But he's not really,,, approachable.

Meanwhile Hashirama is the same, but he is approachable

And Izuna? Well, he has a real charm to him that his brother lacks. A charm that could realistically stand pretty well against Hashirama's own charm. He's popular, genuinley, among his own clan and surprisingly among some Senju as well. Whereas Madara was 'the force to be reckoned with' Izuna occupied a sort of middling space, always standing against Tobirama. Plus, hes easy on the eyes and can rock a pretty effective 'open and friendly smile.'

Not to mention he was the Uchiha's spy master, probably would go on to be Konoha's in the future, so he's a pro at managing people

Between Madara and Izuna, if you want an Uchiha to run for Hokage and win... wasn't Izuna clearly the better option?

Ming Fan brings this up to Izuna one day and he's actually kind of blindsided by this. The idea straight up never occurred to him, too used to being in the position to back his brother and raise him up to ever consider wanting the position Madara desired for himself.

He considers it for all of 3 seconds, a noticeable hesitation, before he laughs and shakes his head, saying that he would never steal his big brothers dreams like that. If he has the skills to win the Hokage position, he'd just use them to make sure Madara does instead

(Madara, overhearing their conversation from the hallway, retreats silently to think.)

A week later, and right before the intentions of Madara and Hashirama are announced to officially begin running for Hokage are announced, and a switch is made. A strangely quiet Madara switches out with Izuna at the last minute, a surprise to literally everyone but Ming Fan, who huffs approvingly

(This... has been his dream for so long. The village, his clan, safe and at peace. To be able to lead that would be... everything. But if his own baby brother would be more likely to be choosen for that over himself... At the very least, Madara wants to see an Uchiha with the hat.)

It's worth mentioning also that at this point, Ming Fan has a decent amount of influence on his own. Like, obviously, he's hanging out with the clan heads and heirs, he isnt contributing too much to the village, but he is contributing. He's pulling his weight, and he often spends time just kinda wandering around, talking to people, learning about this different world and the things it has to offer— different food, clothing styles, stories, the culture, just all of it

And that on its own is enough to endear him to plenty of people. Plus, as Konoha grows and more clans join in, he remains at its center sort of by default of having landed in that position from the start.

I think he's especially popular with more common people, bc he'll often be wandering around, just kinda exploring and all that, and if you complain to him theres a chance he might take that complaint all the way to the top, and your complaint (if its serious enough) might actually be dealt with. And as Konoha grows and more and more people clutter the information train, that's really fucking valuable!

All of that is to say that when Ming Fan makes a mostly careless comment in public about thinking Izuna would make a better Hokage, well, it's an endorsement from a well respected person. Who knows if it truly impacts the outcome, and god knows Ming Fan isn't like, actively campaigning for either of them—he probably doesn't care too much on who wins, finds them both agreeable enough as leaders (they both annoy him in different ways but at least with Izuna he's clearly grown begrudgingly fond of the back and forth they have)

So! It's an incredibly close race, but in the end Izuna wins, becoming the first Hokage

(His dramatic ass is absolutely on board with Hashirama's idea for a carved face in the mountainside, even as Tobirama, Madara and Ming Fan both physically cringe at the idea)

Ming Fan ends up being stuck there for a couple year, which is... annoying, but he's an immortal cultivator and has had much longer missions, so overall he's mild about his displeasure. Clear progress is being made by Tobirama, who is open about each new discovery he makes between Ming Fan and a normal mortal of this world

("To discover what made the hiraishin bring you here from another world entirely, we must first map out exactly what makes you and me so biologically different that the seal would react so strongly")

Anyways, Tobirama finally figures out how to fuck with the hiraishin enough to send Ming Fan back !! Yay, the day is saved and everyone is different levels of sorry to see him go, ranging from mildly fond to 'oh thank fucking gone, LEAVEEE ALREADYYYY' from the many, many people he's probably annoyed while here

Izuna and Ming Fan say goodbye and "Ill almost miss fighting with your bitch ass" in the weird language of insults they've developed, which to others just sounds like "dont go missing me too much, even tho youll never find someone else on my level to talk with again 💅"

Izuna gets one last jab in as Ming Fan is teleporting away but literally right as he's dissapearing Ming Fan gets one back in, making him officially holder of 'Got The Last Word' and this will piss off Izuna for the rest of all time

And so Ming Fan is safely returned hom— OH FUCK WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHERE IS HE NOW?? GODDAMIT TOBIRAMA

Yeah, so, Ming Fan is instead zapped some decades into the future, into Kakashi's genin days

I mean, congrats to Tobirama, he just invented time travel, so, thats cool

Ming Fan doesnt actually give a shit though because this is not what he was promised, Tobirama you useless hack—!

He was sent back from the battlefield where he appeared, something about eliminating the chances of the specific location being involved in the act of breaking through universes, and reappeared in that same place.

He pretty quickly makes his way over to Konoha via flying sword, easily dodging the many patrols in the area who are at pretty much full swing due to the fact that we're nearing the start of the second shinobi war.

(Sakumo has not yet been assigned that doomed mission of his but will be any day now)

Ok so. POV you're one of the guys guarding the gates of Konoha.

And out of seemingly nowhere this fucking GUY. Just. DESCENDS FROM THE SKY FROM THE BACK OF A SWORD. Immediately starts angrily yelling at you about demanding to know where Senju Tobirama, the fucking nidaime who died years ago, currently is. And that he needs to get his bitchy little quack doctor ass out here RIGHT FUCKING NOW and do what he GODDAMN PROMISED

As Im sure you can imagine, the gate guards. Do not react too well to this.

I think Ming Fan received a konoha headband, and he usually doesnt wear it unless he's like, going into battle and needs to be able to be identified by his allies. And he wasnt wearing it when he was ready to hop on home, so he takes it out now and kinda shoves it in their face like THERE LOOK IM ONE OF YOU NOW WHERE IS TOBIRAMA.

They might have tried to arrest him but he was rocking with that "do you know who I fucking am, let me speak to your manager RIGHT NOW. Who is your hokage is Izuna still in charge I will ask him to light your ass on fucking fire if you dont bring me to him 5 goddamn minutes ago" swag and, like, he was just so confident about it the gate guards didnt?? really know what to do?? HE SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT HES TALKING ABOUT GUYS AND THATS SCARY

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOULL ASK THE SHODAI HOKAGE TO (WHAT, RISE FROM HIS GRAVE?) TO GIVE US A SHAKING

(He wouldnt lmao, Izuna would probably have given them a gift basket for inconveniencing Ming Fan tbh. This fact however will never and has never stopped Ming Fan from using his name as a blunt force weapon against those who dont know better.)

So.

Ming Fan is brought to the Hokage.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE AS WE NOW INTRODUCE KONOHA'S SANDAIME HOKAGE IN THIS TIMELINE MING FAN HAS NOW LIGHTLY FUCKED UP,,,

KAGAMI UCHIHA !!!

Yeah so with Izuna as the first Hokage, the hat then went to Tobirama, who then passed it down to Kagami, who is currently looking at Sakumo as his possible successor

So, a very peeved Ming Fan is escorted to the Hokage's office. On his way over, he's taking note of the buildings and the clear passage of time. He looks at the mountain and finds 2 new faces besides Izuna's own annoying one, and catches wind of exactly what happened pretty fast.

Hopefully Tobirama isn't dead yet though, because oh man does Ming Fan have some words for him

(Ming Fan is annoyed to find his favorite little shop from before has been replaced by some stupid fuckin ramen restaurant. Ugh.)

Ming Fan finally arrives, and Kagami, who actually interacted with him more than a few times back in the day, does a fucking comedy spit take and blurts out, "Fan-dono?????"

Ming Fan does not recognize him at first and when he finally does, it's him going oh you're that hanger on brat who was always begging Tobirama to teach you.

Not. The most flattering take. But Kagami will take it.

So Kagami is like, Hokage now. But also he has memories of Ming Fan as both Tobirama's friend and also Izuna's friend and also just like. "Respected guy my mom told me to be good around."

So theres all sorts of things happening in his head rn on how to react to this situation

Ming Fan meanwhile has never interacted with a Hokage he wasnt allowed to call stupid to their face (to be fair Izuna would immediatley call him stupid back) so he is not giving Kagami the respect expected of like. Literally any ordanary shinobi to give him.

But he lucks out and gets a pass on it bc Kagami still has him slotted into the "sensei and Izuna-sama's respected friend" part of his brain that makes him feel like a kid again

(behind him, the ANBU squad does not like or agree with this turn of events. at all. who the FUCK are you to talk to the Hokage like this what the FUCK)

I think Danzo fucking despises Ming Fan, just because its funny. Ming Fan called him a nosey little brat one too many times as a kid and Danzo developed a childish grudge that he totally forgot about later in life— till he runs into Ming Fan again, years later, looking annoyingly exactly the same, and reawakens the rage of a slighted 12 year old

Sarutobi I dunno, I think hes somewhere between Kagami and Danzo on "this guy hits the buttons in my brain that make me feel like Im a kid being scolded by my sensei again" and also "holy shit FUCK this guy"

Anyways! Heres the thing:

When he left, Ming Fan absoloutley took some of Tobirama's research with him. It was probably some sort of exchange thing— way back when Ming Fan agreed to be a little science experiment in the first place, he probably made a deal of "yeah ok fine but I want every crumb of research you pull from me and I wanna take it home when I go"

Tobirama kinda shrugged and went "yeah fair enough, but were gonna have to agree on what kind of person is allowed to see some of it"

Shook on it, the end

So Ming Fan has this big ass thing of notes up his sleeve— filled with stuff about the differences between a shinobi and a cultivators bodies, some different fun notes Tobirama took while adapting some of Ming Fan's techniques to be used by chakra and vice versa w Ming Fan trying to use Tobirama's techniques with qi, notes on editing the hiraishin to try and get him home, etc.

Theres also probably just some other random stuff— mostly medical and jutsu / sealing guides, which Ming Fan traded information to bring home thinking the sect would benefit from it. If nothing else, his shizun will get a kick out of it

(oh boy would SQQ get a fucking kick out of seeing goddamn naruto lore written out in detail and refffered to as texts from another dimension)

^ so all of that is to say that Ming Fan has the traces of the seal to try to bring him back home, but he cant fucking use it himself bc he doesnt know how to preform the hiraishin, which is a major component of it

(and also part of why Tobirama let him take it to begin with, unconcerned of Ming Fan or someone else ever using it to come back bc they've already established his different biology somehow makes him physically unable of using the hiraishin)

So he just needs to find Tobirama again, or minimum someone who can use the hiraishin, and he can at least just try again. Maybe the last time sending him forward was a fluke? It probably only needs some minor tweaks, right? So just— get him Tobirama, and they'll sort it out

Learning Tobirama is dead, Ming Fan is,,, well, he was already prepared to say goodbye when he left the first time. And looking at the statues, Tobirama clearly lived an accomplished life. Same with Izuna— Ming Fan kind of resolves to just not think about it.

When he asks about Madara, Ming Fan is informed that a year after he left, Madara apparently turned traior and attacked the village. This is. A lot. For him to swallow.

Ming Fan has a moment of blaming himself for not having seen the darkness festering inside Madara, but brushes the feeling away. There was nothing he could have done, and he has been down the road of blaming himself for not catching a tell that hinted towards secret evil intentions one too many times during his missions to do it again here.

(Still, a complicated feeling rises in him. He'd spent years, at that point, by the founders side. To hear Madara had gone and tried to kill them all— If nothing else, Ming Fan had truly thought Madara loved his brother.)

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO IS SOMEHOW ALIVE? FUCKING HASHIRAMA AND MITO !!!

Hashirama, having never become Hokage, was never poisoned! Instead he retired, now too old to fight even if he wanted to, and lives in the Senju compound with his aging wife and big family (including his granddaughter, Tsunade)

In the last few years, it's seems like he's become sick, only a few people allowed to visit him, and almost only senju. Very sad, he's expected to die any day now

SO !

Ming Fan hops over to the Senju compound, and though literally everybody expected he wouldn't be allowed to see him, Hashirama permits him to enter his rooms

(The list of those who can see Hashirama is as follows:

His wife

His children and grandchildren

The Hokage

and on one very memorable occasion, the current Uchiha clan head, Uchiha Hikaku)

Ming Fan being added to that list,, well, he may not realize it's weight, but its safe to say that once the fact gets out, it's enough to pretty instantly cement him as trustworthy to most of Konoha. Especially those in higher circles

So, Ming Fan goes to Hashirama's side, and Mito greets him. She explains that the Mokuton is as much as a curse as it is a blessing, and opens the door for Ming Fan to see exactly what she means.

For the past few years, Hashirama has been stuck in the process of turning into a tree.

There... isn't much more to say about that.

They had prepared a room for him to spread his roots in, open aired and protected by enough seals to blind a man if they attempted to look in. With grassy floors covered in wildflowers, and a small stream that Mito says they decorated with rocks from the Naka river.

Hashirama sits at the center of it all, more tree than man, asleep most days but having miraculously awoken just in time for Ming Fan's arrival.

Hashirama jokes that it must be fate, and Ming Fan, sobered in this moment, nods and says that his Shizun has often said that everyone is bound by the strings of fate. Whether they obeyed the strings was up to them, but so long as they walked, the strings would continue to guide them to the places they needed to be.

Hashirama laughs, and tells him that he half expected to be cursed out once he'd heard that Ming Fan had been stranded here by his brothers seal.

"Is that really how you wish for this reunion to go?" Ming Fan asks, and Hashirama only laughs again.

"I'd rather hear you curse my name than sit and suffer through you playing polite because you're too offput by this old mans condition to say what you're thinking."

Ming Fan sighs, laying on the grass and staring up at Hashirama's leaves and halfheartedly curses at Tobirama's name, lamenting his situation as Hashirama listens with a smile.

"You don't seem as distressed as I'd expected!" Hashirama notes, and Ming Fan only shrugs. "I'll figure it out, I'm sure."

"How uncharacteristically optimistic of you!"

"I suppose that's just you rubbing off on me then."

Hashirama and Ming Fan talk for quite a while, and it reminds Ming Fan of older nights, when Konoha was still young, before even the Hokage was elected. Nights occasionally spent drinking together, sometimes alone, sometimes with others— Tobirama, Izuna, Madara, Touka, Hikaku, an array of clan heads and heirs, people who've come to make a home, find some peace, and in that moment only share a drink.

To Ming Fan, it had only been a couple of years since those early days.

To Hahirama, it had been decades.

Ming Fan is invited to stay at the Senju compound for as long as he needs to find a way home.

When he stands, he turns to Hashirama, and offers a bow. Lower than any he's offered before, in this world.

"Thank you for your generosity."

Hashirama smiles, and accepts the gratitude for all that it means.

That night, Senju Hashirama falls asleep, and never wakes again.

SOOO ANYWAYS !!

Ming Fan is now staying with the Senju!! In this verse the family is a bit bigger than canon, due to Hashirama's continued survival throughout the years and how that impacted general Konoha politics. This is also before Tsunade left the village, with her little brother Nawaki still alive and Orochimaru's student (though much like Sakumo, their tragic fates are destined to happen any day now)

Through Ming Fan interference, both of these characters eventually avoid these fates, dont ask me how tho but just know that it happens, so.

Ming Fan has 2 goals!

Find someone who can preform the hiraishin!
Find someone who can alter the seals Tobirama used last in an attempt to get him home!

Luckily for Ming Fan, Mito knows just how to help in both of these cases! She can cover number 2, as Konoha's leading (and oldest) seal expert, and her darling grand-niece, Kushina, just so happens to be dating the only guy in the world who knows how to use the hiraishin, isn't that convenient?

With Mito agreeing to help alter the seal and someone to actually use it set in place, Ming Fan has nothing left to really do other than just,, wait.

The good news is that, since he brought Tobirama's research with him and the alterations shouldn't take nearly as much time as last time, it should only be a few months!

This is where we get Ming Fan once again fucking around the village, and how inevitable interferes with Nawaki and Sakumo's deaths

Maybe he's bored and goes with Nawaki on his mission? He's definitely interacting with him, they both live in the senju compound after all!

Nawaki idolizes his grandfather Hashirama, and Ming Fan is apparently a good friend of his!! So hes totally harassing Ming Fan to know more about that!

I think the "time travel" bit is kept secret from the public, just bc like, messyyyy, and Ming Fan's own involvment in early Konoha is pretty unknown in general just bc he was overshadowed by more relevant historical figures— plus its not like he had a clan to continue to remember him.

So very few people even know he existed, let alone that he's that same guy from history

Ummm Ming Fan and Sakumo friendship, I like to hc skaumo as being friends with the sanin so maybe hes around the Senju compound sometimes, idk

A panicked Sakumo is called in for a super last minute mission and tushes over to beg Tsunade to babysit only to realize shes also out, then somehow ropes Ming Fan into watching over Kakashi

Ming Fan ends up lightly making fun of Kakashi's use of chakra (his own pov of how to use chakra being heavily skewed due to experiments with Tobirama) and ends up being roped further into helping to train Kakashi using techniques, tips and tricks told to him by Tobirama

Ming Fan does NOT want to teach Kakashi, Kakashi is very much harassing him into doing it and Ming Fan is less teaching and more 'throwing techniques at him in the hopes hell go away only to find that Kakashi has figured out how to do it correctly on his own and wow thats really alarming actually'

I think Ming Fan would like Kakashi and also be a terrible fucking influence on him bc he is absolutely encouraging him to be as mean and bratty as possible (with other people)

Ming Fan is the kind of guy to teach his students to be evil under the table so they can get away with it, like, "ok so I heard you tried to sabotage someone. And Im really disappointed actually bc you chose such an obvious way and if you're going to sabotage someone at least dont do it in a way that will tie back to you, like, really" kind of energy

Minato receives Kakashi as a student around this time and has to beg Ming Fan to stop bc the things hes teaching Kakashi keep clashing with shit he's trying to teach him and also "did you really tell Kakashi to try and beat up Obito behind the ramen shop to establish dominance because he almost did and I can not express how bad this is for team moral"

Minato is STRESSED but unfortunately this is not Ming Fan's problem. Sorry. Do better.

Without Izuna around to shoot the shit with Ming Fan actually finds himself incredibly bored. He got used to having someone he can be catty around, now hes like. All bored. And maybe a little lonely.

LONELY? WHO SAID THAT? HES NOT LONELY WHAT THE FUCK SHUT UP !! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT !!!!

He goes to the stupid ramen place that replaced his old favorite shop and discovers he does not like ramen.

This does not improve his mood.

He's fucking bored is the thing, which is why he decides to take missions. And how he ends up with surprisingly high clearance (due to being technically a founder)

And how he ends up on the same team as Sakumo for a very specific mission.

And how, when the mission goes wrong, he sends Sakumo home saying that he'll rescue their mission partners bc at least he's not stupidly recognizable the way Sakumo is.

And how Sakumo never falls from grace

And how just a week later, Sakumo is announced as Kagami's pick for the 4th Hokage.

Sakumo is very grateful towards Ming Fan for the mission thing, considers him to be a good man. He is a little bit blind to the awful fucking influence Ming Fan is on Kakashi, much to Minato's despair.

ANYWHOOO

some months pass and the seal is now complete! Minato is brought in and let in on the secret, and agrees to help!

(getting rid of ming fan? holy shit sign him up!!)

Ming Fan says his goodbies, Nawaki and Kakashi are especially sad to see him go while the adults are all different flavors ranging from "understanding but fondly sad to YES GO GO GET OUT GET OUT LEAVE ALREADY GO PLEASE THANK YOU GOODBYE"

Mito is in general amused at all the shit Ming Fan has managed to start while here, she's a fan of watching him fuck around from afar, eating popcorn

So.

Third times the charm, right? Right???

As Ming Fan immediately realizes, no, no it is not the charm.

Ming Fan reappears on the fucking eve of Konoha's destruction by Pain's hand.

Now. As already stated: I love Ming Fan "just a guy but not really" so much! I think he is decently powerful on his own, just overshadowed by the general cast of SVSSS, and I also think that these past few years hes spent here in naruto, sparring with people like the founders, participating in experiments with Tobirama to see how far qi can be pushed in contrast with chakra, learning new techniques and adapting to the different levels of ambient chakra and qi in this world— well, he's not ready to split skies or anything like that but its safe to say that Ming fan was, and now is even more pretty fucking strong.

All of that is to say Ming Fan may be more attached to Konoha than he realized bc when he sees it being destroyed it isn't just the anger of a righteous cultivator seeing innocents be attacked that's lit inside him, nah Ming Fan is about to throw the fuck down

(It takes him not even a second to affix the konoha headband to his belt before he jumps into the fray)

So! Lets take a peek at the Hokage time line in Ming Fan's absence!

Kannabi bridge went unfortunately similar to canon, and Obito fell into Madara's hands.

With Sakumo still alive at the time, Kakashi was able to recover from this without the major personality shift, and due to a combination of Sakumo and Ming Fan's additional training, when it was Rin's turn on the chopping block, she instead survived and now continues to live as the Konoha's second jinchuriki

Obito attacked Konoha with the intention of releasing the kyuubi, and at the time Kushina and Minato were in the Senju compound for the birth

Mito got in his way, delaying him long enough for Sakumo to also arrive

In the fight, both Mito and Sakumo died (fucking thanks, Obito. I dont think Kakashi's gonna be able to forgive u for that one this time around) but Kushina and Minato survived, and Naruto was born healthy and without the fox sealed into him

Kakashi is understandable devastated, and as recovery efforts begin, he's taken in by Minato and Kushina. He offers little fight against this.

With Sakumo's death, Kagami was once again appointed as the Hokage. After only a year or two of stabilizing Konoha + preparing his successor, he quickly gives Minato the hat, and retreats once again to retirement.

Minato makes Kakashi and Rin both ANBU, expressing his desire to have them by his side (at least this time they're slightly older, with Kakashi at 15 and Rin at 17) and puts them on home guard, specifically as Naruto's ANBU guards. It's an easy job, and helps Kakashi in particular to heal some, even if he gets even more rigid about things like rules and formalities

With Izuna as the first Hokage and Kagami as the third (and technical 5th) Uchiha-village relations were actually very good! Thanks to this, the Uchiha massacre was avoided entirely

Kakashi is raised pretty much as Naruto's very protective older brother, with Rin in a similar boat but she still has her own family so there isnt quite so much trauma fueled dependency from her end.

Naruto grows up to be alarmingly talented, with Kakashi and Rin tutoring him, and Minato and Kushina obviously doing their best (though Minato remains mostly busy due to the unfortunate realities of being a Hokage. Meanwhile Naruto is absolutely a total mommas boy)

Kakashi and Rin end up actually fighting over who gets to be Naruto's sensei (Naruto wants NEITHER OF THEM!!!!! HES A BIG BOY NOW STOP CODDLING HIM!!!!!)

Canon then proceeds mostly the same, though with some very obvious major changes

Somewhere along the way, Itachi is convinced to ditch Konoha even without the massacre, and later down the like Sasuke also follows suit to investigate what happened with his brother— though this time he leaves with orders from Minato to go undercover, and investigate Sound

(fucking THANKS dad!! -Naruto, probably, when he finds this out)

COOL! SO! WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY!

Ming Fan fucking bodies Pain right before he kills Kakashi. (Sorry Kakashi, no fireside chat with your father for you)

Now, Ming Fan had a pretty lasting effect on Kakashi's life overall, but he was only around for like, idk, half a year maybe. And Kakashi was young during the time, so his memories of the man remain very blurry and overall half forgotten.

So Kakashi doesn't recognize him immediately— Though from Ming Fan's side, he's immediately mistaking him for Sakumo, then realizing no, wait it isn't him, doing the mental math and making an educated guess that this has to be Kakashi then.

But that doesnt matter rn bc it is THROW DOWN OCLOCK !!!!!

The overall battle goes mostly according to canon but w less casualties since Ming Fan joins in, but then Naruto does his talk no jutsu or however that goes, Pain agrees to revive everyone, boom there done.

So tbh my knowledge of Naruto gets HELLA blurry from here on out, so we're gonna keep it vague, but, like, MING FAN IS HERE AGAIN YAYYYYY

Unfortunately p much everyone who could have instantly recognized him is fucking dead now. Kagami, Danzo and Hiruzen got picked off in previous battles or smthn, Mito and Sakumo are fucking dead, the kids who grew attached to him were too young and the time they knew him too short to really remember,

BUT.

Despite literally only being around for like, 6 months. Ming Fan succeeded at being so annoying that Minato never fucking forgot his face <3

(also there are probably some Uchiha around w sharingan memories of him)

So Minato sees this guy and goes through all the stages of grief at once. Meanwhile Ming Fan is seeing the hat and raising his eyebrows and going no way Sakumo chose THIS bitch boy for the job.

Meanwhile Naruto is standing direcly next to Minato going DAD WHOS THIS WHO IS THAT DAD HEY DAD HEY DAD WHO IS THAT DAD—

(Listen this is a hard day for everyone. Minato included. But this. This. He could just. Really use a fucking break. Thanks.)

But anyways Ming Fan is here and even if he got the option to go home, like, right now, he honestly probably wouldnt take it bc now hes kind of pissed. What do you MEAN Konoha is under attack? What do you MEAN some masked figure killed Sakumo years ago and now is back and also claiming to be Madara Uchiha and theyre trying to fucking kill everyone??

So yeah he's on board to fight, Konoha headband equipped to his belt, he's ready to stick around some more before he tries to go home again.

(and then someone gasps theatrically at Pain's eyes and goes "omg the rinnegan,, the mystical eyes said to be able to traverse time and space,,," and Ming Fan goes WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY THOSE EYES CAN DO")

But also Pain is dead now. So.

(Distant Sasuke, who is still following the beats of his canon story but just undercover under Minato's orders now noises)

So like Ming Fan sticks around, battles happen, we get Kakashi and an older Nawaki remembering him. Nawaki falls back a bit into his old view of thinking Ming Fan is just the coolest, but meanwhile Kakashi kind of takes on the role Izuna used to have, and now him and Ming Fan are having little cat fights in the bg

(With Sakumo having lived so much longer + having been able to comfort his son after Obito's death, the lack of Rin, Minato, and Kushina's death, and just in general all the little things stacking up in a different way than before, Kakashi avoided his major personality shift and is a lot closer to being the strict, bratty kid he used to be than the lazy, perpetually late slack off we know and love in canon)

anyways, blah blah blah, stuff happens, lots of battles, drama, oh my,

Finally we get to the Hokage's being revived for the final battle.

For whatever reason, Ming Fan was occupied somewhere else, possibly getting wrapped up in Sasuke's shit, when they were brought back.

So like.

POV he enters the battlefield, intending to face off with Madara. Then just.

Tobirama, distantly across the battlefield: ᵒʰ ˢʰᶦᵗ ⁿᵒ ʷᵃʸ

Ming Fan, who can hear him just fine bc cultivator: OH SHIT YES WAY YOU USELESS HACK

Ming Fan spends way too much time shouting at Tobirama when he should be FIGHTING GET BACK TO WORK MING FAN

I need a Ming Fan > Izuna > Kakashi bitch fest where they all just fucking snip at each other actually, I think it'd be funny

Ming Fan probably winds up yelling at Madara too, who did not expect to see him here

"Didn't the Senju send you home??"

"Didn't you die after making a fool of yourself in front of all of Konoha??"

Ming Fan doesnt use chakra so he's able to help back up Gai in his fight against Madara, and Gai is able to leave the battle not crippled for life, which is nice

Kaguya descends, things happen, the fight is won and the day is saved, and the fighting finally comes to an end

Sasuke somehow manage to end up with the rinnegan, and instead of trying to use the hiraishan for the third fucking time, Sasuke agrees to try and instead use it (and Ming Fan's qi) as a homing beacon to try and find his original dimension w the rinnegan! Much more reliable method

And so, for the final time, Ming Fan says his goodbyes.

It's,,, an event.

The old hokage's, including Sakumo, are still around with the power of edo tensei, and he's able to give his goodbyes to them all once again, one by one.

Tobirama gives only a brief apology for the seal not working as it should before dissolving into mumbled theories of what might have gone wrong— then remembers himself and shakes his head, offering a curt goodbye

Izuna scoffs and says that at this rate, he expects to see Ming Fan again in a couple decades when the next chakra goddess tries to explode the world and the living are forced to once again turn to him for help💅

Ming Fan tells him to shut the fuck up, and if it happens then he'll just look forward to getting another opportunity to call him a fool to his face, instead of to a grave.

Izuna laughs, and waves him away

Kagami doesn't have too much to say, but thanks Ming Fan for his help. "You may be from another world, but you are just as much of a konoha man as any of us."

Ming Fan... chooses not to take this as an insult. Instead, he nods his head, and gives Kagami the full respect a Hokage would ordinarily deserve, for quite possibly the first time.

Sakumo, he finds holding his son as Kakashi clings to his shoulder. Ming Fan watches for a moment, and Sakumo catches his eye. He gives him a big, genuine smile, mouths thank you, and bows his head.

They already said their goodbyes once, and Ming Fan doesn't wish to take any of the time he has left away from his son. He nods back, and continues.

Minato, when he finds him, is hiding out on the battlefield, laying down with an arm covering his eyes. He groans, when he sees Ming Fan, but sits up.

"Don't despair, you'll finally be getting rid of me." Ming Fan sighs, and Minato snorts.

Minato is... Well, he's a lot more fond of Ming Fan than he once was. Even if the man is still a giant pain in the ass. They speak for a bit, Ming Fan advises him to go ahead and retire already, god knows its what his son would want, and Minato stares up at the sky.

"At this point? I really should have ages ago."

Minato shakes himself, and finally stands, offering a hand to Ming Fan.

Ming Fan clasps his risks, and they nod to each other, probably more civil than they ever have been before.

"Fighting with you has been.... a wonder." Minato seemed to settle on, and Ming Fan arched a brow.

"Not an honor?"

"I think we both know the answer to that."

Ming Fan rolled his eyes, but still smirked.

"Likewise. Take care of your family."

"May you finally return to yours."

And with that, they part ways.

He's walking back to Sasuke, when those who had been edo tenseid fade away. He's just in time to see Kakashi, back turned, as he watches his father go for one final time.

When he turns, he catches his eye. Eyes, plural, as it seems Obito had left him with quite the gift.

Kakashi nods to him, seeming still overwhelmed with his fathers departure, and not quite sure what else to say to Ming Fan.

It's a stark cry from their first goodbye, Kakashi so far from the young boy who once clung to Ming Fan's leg, huffing about him not being allowed to leave till he taught him just a little bit more.

It's Ming Fan, who takes the steps towards the man.

"I'm glad my lessons were ever of any use to you. You've certainly made better use of them than I ever could have imagined." He says, and when Kakashi goes just a touch red under his mask, Ming Fan thinks he might understand what Shizun was talking about, when he laments about the cuteness of his students even once grown.

"WHAT? Are you seriously gonna go, just like that?"

It's Naruto, who's apparently caught wind of Ming Fan planning to leave sooner rather than later.

"No way am I letting you leave with the bastard before he's given me an explanation!" Naruto grabs Sasuke, who with the pained face of someone who knows they're about to get what they deserve, just sort of lets it happen.

"You gotta stay for at least the celebration! We finally won, it's time to party!"

(Ming Fan laughs, and he decides that just for a bit longer— Just a night more, he will stay)

It has been one year to the day, since Shen Qingqiu's head disciple disappeared.

The exact allowance of a disciple to vanish, before you must consider declaring them dead.

Shen Qingqiu...

Doesn't like to talk about it. Binghe seems to realize he can only comfort him so much for this fact, and today has taken to giving him a bit of space, which he appreciates.

It's for this reason, when a swirl appears in his bamboo hut, depositing two men, that Shen Quingqiu is alone.

"Shizun, this disciple is reporting his absence for these last 6 years. I apologize for my lateness." Ming Fan cries, falling to his knees and bowing his head.

Shen Quingqiu is on his feet in an instant, reaching towards his disciple, already having to suppress the cry rising up in his throat as he falls to his own knees, taking Ming Fan's hands in his own.

"Ming Fan will not apologize for thing out of his own control, this one is overjoyed to see you home."

The man behind his disciple shifts, and Ming Fan gestures towards him.

"This Uchiha Sasuke has assisted in bringing me—"

Wait WHAT.

Fuckin. Lugh track. Roll credits. Idk. Boom. Done. Theres ur au. Fuck how did this end up being so long

Chapter 72: (SVSSS crossover) Shang Qinghua reincarnates into naruto

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

#i was on the train riding it in circles for funzies bc I have nothing to do today #also bc it helps me to write fanfiction #but I saw this and got fucking posessed and immediatley jumped off the train to go home so I can draw for this #hrg. art. need it now.

I want a fic where Shang Quinghua reincarnates into Naruto, is suitably horrified, gets even more horrified when he realizes he's reincarnated into an Uchiha in Itachi's generation, decides he really really doesn't want to die, and sets out on a quest to disrupt Naruto canon for his own preservation

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

@aka-blaa

Pros: no system !!!! Holy shit he has total free will!!!!

Cons: you are born into a military dictatorship and automatically enlisted into their forces just by being born. You know that your terrible death is coming, soon, fast, and hard. There is very little you can do to change this because you are unfortunatley on a ~13-14 year time limit that started the second you were born, and you are not strong, old, or important enough to be listened to by anyone who matters. Good luck.

ALTERNATIVLEY THO THERE IS SUCH AN INTERESTING OPPORTUNITY THERE OF LIKE. Well, what if the system is there.

God, fucking, POV you're Shang Quinghua, nervously awaiting the day Itachi and Obito slaughter the clan

You have no way of knowing what day this will be as you can only even vuagley remember how old Itachi even was when it happened. You have not so much as even thought ab naruto in literal decades, potentially hundreds of years depending on the svsss timeline of when u died

So ur sitting there and then for the first time in forever you hear a little system notification. And a blue text box appears.

"New objective: survive"

SQH just loses his SHIT actually

Alternatively too imagine he's just destined to die fr fr. Congrats you are an Uchiha extra !!! Your quest is to die for Sasuke's character development, teehee <3

Maybe he's actually reborn as that one girl Itachi was friends with, the one who had a crush on him, Izumi

"Congratulations on entering your second world! Your goal is to become close with the character of Uchiha Itachi to cause him pain when he is forced to kill you <3"

Idk but the potential is as unlimited as SQH's stress is high

@thybirbman 🔄

My first thought was-

What if when the blue box appears, it doesn't say "New Objective: survive". What if- What if-

New Objective: die.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

OH???? OHHH ???????? U ARE GENIUS FOR THIS. ACTUALLY. IM KISSING UR BRAIN. KISSING IT RIGHT ON ITS WRINKLED FACE.

The pure fucking dread that would fill him at the moment, like, holy shit.

If he dies, does he get to go to a new world? Could he maybe go to his old one? Or back to the SVSSS one? He does not know and the system will not answer him

He always knew he was born to be cannon fodder, but at least in his last life he was given time to grow up!

Ok so I'm thinking. I'm having thoughts.

SQH gets this second life bc his SVSSS was so successful from a narrative standpoint that the system seems him valuable enough to reuse as fodder. It's a reward of sorts!

Doesn't feel like one tho.

The issue is that his previous life got to be that "narratively successful" bc he had lots of material to work with, plus SQQ went offscript which helped to lead to SQH's own romance and cool plot moments

And this life comes with a 13 year time limit, basically NO narrative weight or set up to lean into other than just "make Itachi like u idk" which means that when this life dies, there will be no next. Bc he didn't earn it.

So when he dies here, unless he somehow makes his own little epic plot and gets the system to reward him again, he's dying fr fr

Obviously: SQH does not fucking appreciate this! But last life he learned there are loopholes to the systems bullshit, so he is buckling in and going fuck ok how do I get out of this shit this time

The act of surviving would issue a punishment protocol + retract enough points to kill him anyways, so SQH is kinda damned if he do, damned if he dont— unless he somehow manages to get enough points to survive.

So basically SQH has 2 goals:

1. Get enough points to be able to survive their subtraction after he goes against the system and survives the massacre

2. Actually survive the massacre

#is he trans in this one he might be #its up to the reader to decide tbh

Based on this post about Shang Quinghua reincarnating into Naruto as Uchiha Izumi (Itachi's vaguely romantic interest as a kid)

SQH ends up in Naruto with a time limit and a guarantee that he'll die "for realizes" this time unless he somehow manages to become a relevant and important character in a colorful cast of literal hundreds. Oh yeah, and he only has like 13 years before the system expects him to die.

Oops?

So basically SQH has 2 goals:

1. Get enough points to be able to survive their subtraction after he goes against the system and survives the massacre

2. Actually survive the massacre

I think once he survives the massacre he's left with like, literally a SINGLE point left. THE only thing keeping him alive.

From there he grants himself a bit of a break, then realizes he has a golden ticket to character relevance in the form of taking care of Sasuke-- then probably accidentally becomes attached on the way.

Later he'll try to steal some of Sasuke's own character beats by trying very hard to get Orochimaru's attention, then taking Sasuke's place in defecting from Konoha. Very messy, very fun, he is begging the system on his KNEES to know if he's finally done enough to get a pass for this life but the system refuses to tell him SHIT till "the main story is done"

Thanks, system. Really.

Anyways: I think growing up he had to balance whether he wanted to go for the child prodigy route (probably bad for the long run knowing what the village liked to do to them, but good for his narrative, so...?)

He probably dreams of being a desk shinobi, and would also be disgustingly good at it from being head of the logistic peak, but he showed his skills too early in the game and that kind of locked him into being a frontline fighter (he is suffering.)

His own ideal ending for himself is like, being an assistant to the Hokage probably. Very important role !!!! Narrative potential guarenteed!!! Also: he doesn't have to leave the village.

I think he specializes in fuinjutsu and also poisons. He's famous among his peers for being incredibly paranoid and overpacking to SHIT, he carries everything in those bags of his fr. He probably invents some space time storage seal to make a bag of holding

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

"There— there was aliens in it, eventually, right? I remember hearing that there were aliens."

Comments:

unaccountedforaccent: Isn’t Orochimaru really interested in reincarnation and immortality? If Houhua lets slip anything from svsss or his original world then Oro would snatch him up immediately to study how he remembers across lifetime

oh-no-its-bird: OHHH YOU ARE SO SMART FOR THIS?? Writing that down frantically actually

tzeentchs-secretary-tea-time asked:

Your SQH in naruto AU concept has me fizzing with interest and I am rotating it in my brain. Also I love that SQH finally looks happy in your art when he's got his bags on him.

IM SO GLAD U CAUGHT THAT ACTUALLY I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE WOULD, IT MADE ME GIGGLE WHEN I WAS DRAWING IT

The only time Houhua is ever happy is when he finally feels like he's prepared for anything

Unfortunately he is a chronic overthinker and despite the fact literally anyone would say he's obnoxiously overprepared he always believes he's tragically under prepared.

"But Houhua," I hear you saying "If you're underprepared with all of your bags and seals and like 60 backup knives (one for each secret pocket) and countless disguises and antidotes, what does that make your average shinobi who has almost none of that?"

Well, in Houhua's eyes, that makes them either an NPC with a death wish who never had any hope to begin with, or one of the lucky bastards protected by the narrative. What he wouldn't give to be one of those lucky bastards himself,,

I think he's just kind of overly conscious of his own mortality tbh. In svsss he at least had a bit of a clear "I'll prooobably be fine till my designated date to die, which isn't for some decades" but here he's staring down the barrel hard and fast, is virtually powerless compared to his past life, and knows that once its over this time, it's over. And he's probably not even gonna go to the fucking pure lands like the rest of these guys due to system interference on his soul.

Unfortuante!

Anyways Im so happy you like the au !! It's lowkey becoming a favorite of mine but also thats most of my aus, to be fair

@poorwhayfairingstranger 🔄

My poor paranoid baby.

Does he graduate early?

How high up in the rankings does he get?

kirabasai asked:

sending this ask w the power of god (airport wifi) because my power is out but i NEED to say this abt sqh in naruto as huohou

sqh would be SO fucking paranoid. he doesn't even remember who becomes a missing nin or not and mixes up canon with fanon. "hmm yeah shisui becomes a missing nin right.....? hmm yes i should watch him Very closely." (shisui is suspicious of sqh watching him closely. what does he Want.) he also thinks madara and tobirama were in a situationship or something like that. or was it madara and hashirama...? wait, since when was sealing like THAT? (like always. everyone looks at him and it's like damn you must have failed the unit on sealing back at the academy.)

i think the system waking up sqh at night only to be jumpscared by the uchiha massacre notif is very funny but. hear me out. random late night ramen or grocery run instead or sumn like that. just chilling and all of a sudden oh FUCK.

YEAH EXACTLY

Houhua doesnt even know who Madara is, he read like a fucking quarter of Naruto before dropping it when he was in highschool, which was 2 lives and well over a few hundred years ago. He knows like, bare fucking bones about the start of Naruto and most of what he remembers is just bc of memes he'd see online that were funny enough to get imprinted in his mind

he got up to like, Sasuke defecting w Orochimaru maybe?

The system is helping out a little by giving him some vague list of "important characters" but then refuses to elaborate on what makes them important. Maybe when he meets people if they have narrative weight they'll glow in his eyes or smthn fun like that? Idk

Let his mangekyou, if he ever receives it, revolve around "seeing the strings of fate" or some shit and its basically an extension of the system where hes able to "see the future" but its just him being able to tell someones inherent narrative weight

I think he'd have a really fucking hard time ever manifesting it tho, just bc like. He's really old. And he's seen a lot of shit. And he's grown really fucking numb to most terrible things. And he's already putting up so many walls between him and "the residents of this world" or however he might see them. I think that it'd take a lot for him to become so genuinely attached to someone that losing them can manifest something like that, and he isn't emotionally available enough to get that attached in the first place

I want him to actually violently bash together naruto sealing and svsss sealing to create just like. An ungodly creation of power that no one but him understands how to work, I think it'd be fun

On one hand I am hearing u out but on the other hand I always found it interesting that, on the night of the massacre, somehow, some way, all of the Uchiha were accounted for in the compound. You're telling me not a single one was on duty? Not a single one was out on a mission? I always thought that was the most pointed "there's clearly something underhanded going on here from the governments half" bc that's so ridiculously convenient it's straight up stupid.

Anyways that's to say that to continue with that line of thought and also bc that was clearly planned somehow, Houhua would need to be in the compound

Then again theres probably shops n stuff in the compound that Houhua could have been going to, thats true

hmmm things to think about

Either way I think I like him not sleeping but like, laying down trying to sleep when it happens bc it also lets me flex the "this paranoid bastard has been going to sleep in fucking armor since Sasuke turned 8, that's wild"

@poorwhayfairingstranger 🔄

What if he tried to secretly convince his relatives and clan members to Tag along on missions with their non Uchiha teammates.

That way, even if not, a single uchiha, has a mission that weak, at least like 3 or 4 of them will be out of the compound at any given time.

What if he got into anboo and they gave him a rat Mask.

None of thees thoughts are connected.

Anonymous asked:

For your Uchiha Houhua AU, system said "New Objective: Die". Know who else seemingly 'died'? Obito. Considering his experience back in the SVSSS 'verse, I can see him pull off an Obito and be on the run (with or without Sasuke, I'm not sure)

Houhua, panicking and knowing only that Sasuke is Important(tm) to the plot: Ok so if I just. Take him. Just take him and run. Would that increase my narrative weight enough to survive???

actually thats a really funny thought, I might pocket it. I think Houhua would have definitely considered it but like. It'd also get his ass hunted down by all of Konoha for stealing The Last Uchiha(tm)

The village wont take that lying down and unfortunately Houhua is not at the skill level needed to even begin to dodge that kind of effort looking for him-- not to mention Sasuke, who may or may not have been taken against his will.

@thybirbman 🔄

I agree that Konoha would start hunting them down ASAP, though I think Sasuke wouldn't fight it all that much. He'd be in shock first, and once that wears off... okay, I guess he might fight it, if only because it's going different than canon, and so he might act differently-

ANYWAY, in canon, he's very clan-centric when it comes to his priorities after the massacre. His goals in life at the time are 1. Kill the man he thinks responsible (his brother) and 2. Repopulate/revitalize/rebuild his clan (he's 12, I don't think he realizes what that entails).

And well, whether Houhua snatches the kid and runs away or not, I think Sasuke would come out of his genjutsu trauma nightmare, see the one living relative he has left (that isn't his brother), and go: "Ah, of course, my new life mission is to make sure this one stays alive."

He probably wouldn't be the best at it. He's at the top of the academy by the time we meet him, which seems to be at least a little while since the massacre, maybe a year or two, I don't remember, and even then, that's just the academy. He's also got a bit of an inflated ego and overestimates himself and what he's capable of. But he does have training, and he was the second clan heir, and his brother was Itachi, Mr. Prodigy 2.0 after Kakashi, aka Sasuke's soon to be teacher, so he could probably pack some kind of punch. Certainly more than Uchiha "<hysterical sobbing>" Huohua.

Basically, what if Sasuke codependent not-very-effective attack dog chihuahua?

@thybirbman 🔄

Huohua: haha! This must make me narritively significant, right?!!

System: yup!

Huohua, crying tears of joy: yes! Yes! I'm safe!

System: he's so attached to you, you'll make a great sacrifice to activate/mutate his sharingan!

Huohua, slowly stops dancing in circles: ... make a great what now?

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

oh my god your fucking MIND I love this

Taking this and running with it + also replying to @poorwhayfairingstranger :

I said before that I think Houhua would have a bit of a moment w himself where he debates "ok do I want to go down the child prodigy route? Or should I stay middling to low, fly under the radar?"

On one hand, child prodigy sounds like a good way to raise his character importance and get some system points, but on the other hand, from what he remembers of Naruto it also sounds like a fucking EXELLENT way to get killed horribly. Or just grossly abused / eaten alive by the shinobi system

SO LIKE. LOOKING AT WHAT YOURE LAYING DOWN. HEAR ME OUT.

Houhua decides that he'd rather not show all his cards so soon and possibly doom himself preemptively with the child prodigy route, and after thinking a bit from an authors POV on what angle he should try to take, finds himself instead considering posing as the classic "bottom of the ladder shocks the world as they shoot to the top unexpectedly!" trope

This also leaves room for him to go generally ignored by any adults who might have caused him problems if he'd showed his skills, and slack off (read: do his own thing as he tries to collect enough points to survive the penalty of surviving the massacre) without suspicion

So like. Infamous Uchiha dead last Houhua.

(For a second I forgot the fucking timeline and almost said "This also has a side effect of giving Obito some slack among his clan. The kid may be a bit of a mess, but at least he's no Houhua! So give him a chance, yeah?" but then remembered Obito's fucking GONE already and we're well past that point, oops!)

(But like. do you think Kakashi would look at him and remember another crybaby ninja he used to know? Maybe.)

But yeah, infamous dead last Houhua. Throw in an occasional semi-public breakdown, let him be well known for being overprepared to a comedic degree and apparently terrified of death, and your golden! Nothing to see here, just a guy whos very clearly not cut out for the shinobi lifestyle but who's going for it either way because it's what's expected of him

NOW. Give me your fucking silly little guard dog "top of his class" Sasuke deciding that CLEARLY his new goal in life is to protect poor silly Houhua from uhh. It's unclear, actually, but probably just. In general everything.

Make this even worse bc Houhua's entire system given mission is "become close to the character of Itachi Uchiha then die on his blade to further his guilt"

(fuck. note to self as I write this: The system never specified that he has to die on his blade during the Uchiha massacre, only that he'd have to "die on his blade to further his guilt." I can totally do some "your mission never technically finished and has still been active all this time" bullshit with that later. Someone remind me to come back and think ab that later)

So like. Houhua has totally been hanging around Itachi and thus Sasuke, like, a lot as Sasuke is growing up. He probably helped babysit him n stuff! Sasuke is very familiar with him as 'big brothers loser friend'

Which probably only makes the protection worse. Houhua is a little bit perfect for Sasuke to project all of his good memories of Itachi onto without the conflict of remembering what his brother did <3

Anyways all of that is made even funnier by the fact that Houhua is powerful. He has decades of years of memories and experience as a master cultivator, and ok, maybe he wasnt the strongest of his time, but he was a fucking peak lord. And he knows how to spend his time if he wants to grind his skills in this world. And you can bet your ass that's what hes been doing in preparation for massacre day!

He just also throws everyone tf off his trail by just. Being himself. A shaky surface level coward who always looks 3 seconds away from bursting into hysterics about not wanting to die

You know that "trope" about how in naruto, you can always expect a jonin to have some sort of funky quirk going for them? How pretty much all ninja of a certain level just have something weird about them, or some sort of coping mechanism to rely on? Kakashi has porn, Gai is,, Gai, Jiriyah is. Jiriyah. Etc. etc.

I just think Houhua fits into that mold alarmingly well, with his near compulsive overpreparing and general uhh. Everything. Houhua-ness.

I think that after the massacre, he's kind of called out for his skills but only within a certain circle.

He survived Itachi (and Obito, who was also there if I remember correctly) when Sasuke was supposed to be the only one to survive, and that says something, even if some dont want to listen.

He's debating whether to let himself be called out for it or whether to stick to the bit, and ultimatley decides that he does NOT want to deal with the "gasp!! the silly little guy is actually,, powerful?" production rn when he has an armful of a sobbing Sasuke so he just kinda cries and babbles a bit and ultimatley lets people assume it was luck and Itachi being sentimental towards his childhood friend

(Danzo however, remains suspicious)

Eventually tho I do want Houhua to get called out, and it is important for his little narrative he's trying to follow along

He does smthn really impressive and everyone does the *gasp!!* shock!! surprise!!* routine but he immediatley starts crying, which makes them go *oh what was I thinking, clearly this is just good old silyl usless Houhua* while someone who actually knows what theyre doing, like Kakashi maybe, ignores the tears as they just go "no no what the FUCK was that. Dont change the topic WHAT WAS THAT"

Maybe he's eventually kind of strong armed into joining ANBU maybe? ANBU rat my beloved,,,

He can replace Itachi / Shisui on team Ro <3

No one on the squad he's placed into understands how the actual fuck he got here, even when watching him in action its a little hard to comprehend when he does do smthn impressive bc hes fucking whining and crying ab it the whole time

Oh!! Also! Its important to note that Houhua never found out that Itachi was pushed into doing this by the village btw. He never got that far in the manga! So he has no idea what Itachi's motivations are-- but, Houhua is an author himself and he's also not fucking stupid. He smells something fishy in the water.

So when the system gives him a new quest after his survival of the massacre, he's all too ready to fufill it.

"Find out the truth of the Uchiha massacre"

ALSO the system telling Houhua to get killed to give Sasuke agency would make him SO mad I think that is canon now. In my heart.

Umm anyways final thoughts: Final battle arc when Hashirama tells Sasuke his brother is strong and a hashtag good Konoha shinobi, Houhua would straight up punch him in the face. Send tweet.

Comments:

longenoughname: ANBU Rat omg, he insist he is ANBU hamster, nobody listen to him...

oh-no-its-bird: fucking love that, thank you he gets hazed by people altering his mask to be more hamsterish or using genjutsu to give him a silly little hamster tail. There is no ANBU hamster when he joined and by the time more people join after him they just think he really is ANBU hamster, and rat is someone else

longenoughname: Look, how powerful he gets at the end? couse i am thinking post canon, there is this (fanon?) concept of ANBU general that nobody knows who they are and they have a secondary mask they use to be normal anbu... now Houhua would hate being in ANBU long term, but ANBU general is an administrative well paying anonymous job and nobody would ever suspect him

oh-no-its-bird: YEAHHH EXACTLY!! He still gets to be good old lame Houhua w literally everyone else in his life other than his fellow ANBU, where he is still made fun of for being lame and some probably do eye him like "how tf did THAT happen" but like. Also he can show he is alarmingly competent ! ♪ Beest of boooth worlldss ♫

Anonymous asked:

Also, the detail of Houhua!SQH checking out the expensive earrings because the color reminded him of MBJ is heartbreaking. Kinda hope MBJ got isekai'd w/ him

I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IF MBJ HAD GOTTEN ISEKAI'D WITH HIM AND I KIND OF REALLY WANT HIM TO BE!! I think it'd be normal reincarnation for him, he doesn't remember their past life, which just makes things more painful for Houhua actually.

Houhua is falling over himself trying to see if he remembers him but is getting nothing !! Sorry Houhua <3

I think he'd be from another village and they wouldn't bump into each other till way later down the line. Im thinking specifically like. Him reincarnating into the same clan as Haku actually. Don't they have some sort of bloodline limit that revolves around ice? I need that. Desperately.

Maybe in a parallel to SVSSS, MBJ here wants to become Kiri's Kage? Idk how thatd work, but like putting that on the table. But like him being a rogue nin, possibly not knowing that Haku survived the culling of their clan (omg he finally has a family he can have an actual positive relationship with! He just,, needs to find him first)

Houhua is straight up ready to drop everything he's been working at in Konoha to go to his kings side but MBJ does not remember his ass and would not know how to appreciate it correctly

I want them to meet and like, obviously MBJ is warry of this Konoha shinobi, but Houhua is incredibly uncharacteristically eager to help him out (which alarms and confuses whatever teammates hes with at the time) and ends up going out of his way to help him somehow

MBJ is left thinking he's a fucking idiot, real Konoha "friendship is magic" breed, and is incredibly confused by the kindness he was shown by him but kind of ends up chalking it up to just. "fucking konoha weirdos and their reputation for being soft"

(Meanwhile Houhua's teammates are giving him HELLA side eye rn, who are you and what happened to their cowardly, Uchiha "we must always choose our own interests over others, especially outside the village walls" Houhua)

(,,,they absoloutley think Houhua has a hopeless crush on the nukenin. Nothing Houhua does or says from this point on will change this assumption.)

(To be fair, they aren't,,, wrong?)

Some time later one of his teammates gives Houhua a cut out of MBJ from a bingo book, meaning it as a joke to tease Houhua, and the cut out ends up meaning much more to Houhua than anyone might have guessed.

(Even later, when they met again, Houhua ends up dropping the little picture where MBJ sees and MBJ is deeply confused by it)

Anyways what would MBJ go by here? I changed SQH's name to better fit the setting plus to draw a clear line between Shang Quinghua and Uchiha Houhua

Tbh I feel like just "Jun" works pretty well? I feel like it's also similar enough Haku's short n sweet name to be able to squint and wave a vague hand at them being related, like, on a surface level, idk, does that make sense?

ANYWHO YEAH !!! Houhua and Jun my beloveds <3

Anonymous asked:

For the Uchiha Houhua AU, how does he survive the massacre? I'm guessing either he uses his poison skills to fake his death or he does the 'actually I was a prodigy all along' thing in front of Itachi. Itachi spends the next several years being driven a little insane by finding this out about his old friend.

Also does Houhua incarnate as a baby? Because if so he was probably old enough to babysat by Obito. I feel like you could do something interesting with that.

On that note his relationship with kakashi. Like that's his little brother figures sensei, and he was a shizun in his last life, he knows what it is to be a good teacher and kakashi in the early series is not that. If he also knew Obito and knows that that's his eye in kakashi's head? Oof.

How much of the Uchiha eye thing does he get? Does he have his sharingan? Or the mangekyou?

Also, wasn't it cannon that part of the reason why danzo let Itachi let Sasuke live was because he was a moldable child? How does he feel about having a semi adult Uchiha still alive? I feel like Houhua is walking a constant tightrope of protecting himself and Sasuke and not being seen as a threat by the creepy old man.

THIS IS A WONDERFUL QUESTION!! I. Am not too sure, actually

I feel like it'd probably be him trying to fight back maybe? Faking his death absolutely sounds like the shit hed do tho, so hmm might put that in his back pocket too

Either way, Houhua vs Itachi 1v1 where they're surprisingly well matched sounds really fun I cant lie.

Mmmm, maybe he can 1v1 Itachi and hold up surprisingly well? Itachi is doing the what is this, how are you doing this, have you been hiding yourself from me this whole time?! routine as Houhua goes fuck shit oh my god oh my god I cant believe that worked oh fuck--

Then Obito fucking teleports behind Houhua and stabs him. Oopsies!

Houhua somehow survives due to genuine luck, and gets a hint about there having been more than 1 person at the massacre maybe?

Idk if thatd work tho. Mmmm so many thoughts.

I do think that no matter what, Houhua would have to be "defeated" in some way. Play dead for a bit. If he comes out of the fight having visibly won, it'll spell problems and set dominos in motion I dont want dominoing just yet

So no matter what, he's ending the fight face down on the floor

ALSO THATS. SUCH A GOOD POINT ACTUALLY SHIT, DID OBITO HELP BABYSIT HIM?? Houhua did reincarnate as a baby, tho I think there was some soft mental block on him becoming truly conscious till he was at least around 5 years old. So by the time he was conscious at least, Obito was already gone. Rip!

I think that Kakashi wouldnt be immune to looking at Houhua and seeing the reflection of another cry baby ninja, though Houhua wouldn't have any real memory of Obito (tho he might have heard ab him before, with some clan members comparing them quietly when they think he's not listening)

Anyways I need a scene where Houhua and Obito meet once Houhua is older and Houhua straight up says "You know, I never did get why people thought we were anything alike" as a clear insult

Rare Houhua w !!

I think Houhua has an unusually difficult time manifesting anything w his eyes just bc of the emotional walls he has up between him and everyone around him. He does not allow himself to feel deeply for anyone enough for his eyes to be affected, no matter how fond he may grow of them. There is always a wall between him and the world.

I do also however think that no matter how hard he tries to distance himself from the people around him, even having known for years now that they'd all die this way, seeing the people who he was raised around all die to the hands of a boy he might have grown fond of--

Yeah.

Not even he's immune to that.

So when the massacre happens, he'll at least get his sharingan, tho idk how man tomoe (and I cant really remember what is needed to gain each tomoe, so, oops)

I do think he'd have an incredibly difficult time manifesting his mangekyou, for all the reasons above, so if he ever does it'd be way down the line.

I also think it'd be super fucking interesting (especially from an outsiders perspective) if he manifested it somehow due to MBJ's involvement, since his reincarnation is wandering around here somewhere as Jun, and does not remember Houhua

Houhua has no explanation for why he cares about this man deeply enough to manifest the mangekyou. Sorry.

Also, Im ngl, as I write this I can totally see an argument for something along the lines of "well Houhua went through a fuck ton of trauma as SQH, so what if when he regains his memories around 5, he automatically unlocks his sharingan just through that remembered trauma? Then just keeps it secret for years until the massacre"

I think that could be interesting tbh, it would also tell a story all on its own ab his grief for his past life and all the people there. Smthn to think ab, idk

Houhua is a bit too old and way too clever for Danzo's liking. hHis one only saving grace is that, on the surface at least, he's a fuckin worm of a boy and has literally no achievements other than having survived Itachi

He isn't worth getting rid of yet, but Danzo has an eye on him, just waiting for a reason to potentially knock him off.

Good think Houhua decided not to go the child prodigy route!! Putting his own flaws and weaknesses on blast to all of Konoha probably saved his fucking ass with Danzo. At least for now, anyways.

@poorwhayfairingstranger 🔄

I think he'd be the kind of person to just not let anyone know how far his sharingan has gotten.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Oh absoloutley, he's keeping all his cards close to his chest and that one's a big one

Continues on Chapter 77

Notes:

Posting this now but I have more asks to answer ab it so there'll be an update later

Chapter 73: Tobirama reincarnates as Sakura's big brother and fucks shit up (Tora Haruno AU) Pt. 2

Summary:

The return of the king

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Continues from Chapter 35

TORA AU TIME YES ITS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN !!!

Ok so first, quoting this from a previous tora au post:

Personal take here: I don't think Itachi likes being in charge! That boy is a born, built, and bred shinobi who follows what he is told to a perfect T, no matter how blatantly horrifically awful the order is! Even if hates it with all of his heart! He'll still fucking do it! And then only blame himself for it and not the guy who fucking ordered it! Because he'll still obey that guy after! Which also adds another fun layer of irony bc hes supposed to be clan head one day! To me, Itachi is a fascinating subject of having an unshakable, unbreakable iron will— and also having absoloutley no spine To be fair tho was also like. Fuckin 13. He was fucked up and was tricked at a very, very young age and unfortunatley that one mistake came to chain him to that one specific way of thinking. If he came to grow out of that way of thinking, he'd first have to admit he'd made a mistake, which wasn't gonna happen bc it was too late for regrets. But anyways: With Tora here Itachi has another "voice of reason" to help steer him away from other voices who might otherwise bind him. There isn't as much pressure on only him + Shisui to here and now choose what they (and only they) will choose to do to save the entire clan or Konoha Tora is a natural leader and quick to take charge, and Itachi is ok with that. When Itachi chooses to speak, he is listened to carefully and his opinions are taken seriously, which is all he can ask for tbh. Otherwise he's allowed to sit there and look pretty till given a nice, neatly wrapped plan approved by 2 people he can really, truly trust. So he's doing a bit better mentally than canon Anyways, in this AU I think Itachi should actually get to semi-retire as a shinobi and actually Sasuke gets to be clan head bc his brother ain't built for it. Plus it can play more into the stuff I was talking ab earlier about Sasuke struggling a lot more than those around him to learn different stuff (sealing especially) only to come out as one of the most terrifying in what he eventually masters. Let the second son inherit!! Let Sasuke have a defining character moment where he decides he wants to help guide the clan, and he's forced to kind of get over his brother worship to confront Itachi to say he doesn't think he'd make the best clan head. And Itachi let's out this sigh of relief he did not know he has been holding for his entire life and tells Sasuke he's proud of him.

With that in mind ^

I think the ultimate ironic pairing for the finale of the Tora AU would be Tora and Itachi ending up together, but with Itachi as the retired ninja housewife and Tora the big boi breadwinner

The ultimate fuck you twist call back to all Tora's parents talk of Tora needing to find a "good man to take care of you" + irony from them originally cheering Tora on when they learned he and itachi were friends bc they thought he'd snag him as a husband and the culmination of Itachi's "I don't really want to be in charge actually" arc

I love a full circle !!

Sasuke is Itachi's best man and Shisui is Tora's and Kakashi gets to walk Tora down the isle instead of his parents who he has no real attachment to

Actually POV I fucking kill off the Haruno's and Tora and Sakura have to deal w the death of their parents, who they both had very complicated relationships with but relationships nonetheless

Mmm I kinda like that, putting that in my back pocket for now

I honestly don't even know how the romance would happen, tbh I'm not the biggest romance fan but I just love the progression of it in the narrative. I think it'd be a cool end to their story, I'll sweat the little details later

Maybe they aren't even in love fr fr

Oh my god wait no hear me out

HEAR ME OUT

Itachi getting out of being clan head via marrying Tora. Don't ask me how this works. They aren't even like in love or anything but Itachi is using Tora as a political shield to fuck off and enjoy his housewife retirement actually.

Tora is similarly using this for one of his infamous political plots somehow, it's all part of his master plan and as usual itachi is just happy to go along for the ride

,,,the perfect queer platonic besties end to their arc ,, I love it this is my new ideal endgame

Sasuke drops that he's gonna fight Itachi to be clan head and Itachi one ups him by going "oh cool. Guess I don't need to marry Tora then."

Queue Sasuke spit take "You don't need to WHAT"

"Yeah we were gonna get married as part of a 10 step plan to help Tora take over the clan council + get me out of being clan head by abusing some old laws Tora found."

"??????????"

"I guess I'll tell Tora we don't need to do it anymore. I'm happy for you, little brother."

"???????????????????"

Anyways yeah, thinking ab tora au again.

Continues in Chapter 126

Notes:

Oops this has been in my drafts for a while, I kinda forgot about it for a sec there
Don't look at my other 2 chapters stuck in drafts, you guys should get those soon. Ish. Hopefully.

Chapter 74: Early day Konoha as seen by the Hatake pt.2

Summary:

sakumo baby photos real not clickbait !!!

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 54

Silly, early Konoha lore and oc things drawn while thinking about this post

!!! early konoha my beloved !!! I have so many thoughts ab it, I want to write a fic that's just silly early Konoha things viewed from the perspective of the less important clan members and their everyday lives. I'm aware the audience for that is incredibly small but I have too much fun just thinking ab it to really care!

Kurumi remains the only naruto oc Ive ever actually written for (in one step three steps), tho Haruka has been mentioned in multiple fics of mine now just bc she fills the role of Tobirama + Hashirama's blood aunt that I needed to be filled in my "Kakashi interacts with Tobirama w the knowledge that they are directly related" fics, of which there are now multiple

but yeah, take some silly art and lore comics !! I had fun while making these and will now probably put all these ocs on a shelf where I will not touch them for some more months

devilangel657 asked:

I would love to read founders konoha from the kids, teens and adults based on their interactions so much.

I just want the kids to be 'huh. Not what I was expecting' and just all the horror stories heard

Give the teens so much 'oh no, that's hot' and it's worse bc you were previously enemies so you could pine over an enemy that wasn't available but now it's a chance.

Adults just bonding over their kids antics. Yes I know it would be more but let them bond over than just fighting, though they can be like 'it was cool/difficult move you pulled'

I THINK THAT IT JUST HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL !!!

Obviously, we see very little of early Konoha as is. And what we do see is all from the perspective of like, those at the very, very top of it, in charge of it all, planning, all that.

THE AMOUNT OF FUCKING "FORBIDDEN ROMANCES" THAT ARE HAPPENING IN THE VILLAGE IS SO REAL THO. LIKE. Ok so u have all these shiobi kids, (many of which are probably wired to be attracted to deadly things, just by virtue of how theyre raised) going from isolated communities where the dating pool consists of arranged marriages and the same guys youve known since u were 5, suddenly thrust into a setting with so many other shinobi kids and clans that it takes actual effort to keep track of. And also you have pre set sterotypes and relationships to go off of just based off of their clan alignment, and all this melodrama about becoming friends (or more) with the people who, a year ago, you were expected to KILL.

And you also have the exact same thing but playing out with allied clans, where some kids are coming to the "rescue" of their allies. I bet some of them like look forward to seeing their allied clan counterparts in whatever monthly or even yearly trips they no doubt beg to be let to go on. Just for the opportunity to see their friends or crushes that one single time a year-- BUT NOW THEY LIVE IN THE SAME VILLAGE !!!

These guys are losing their MINDS

The parents have the most genuine beef between them, even while the children may be louder about it-- but the children's antics are pulling the parents together. Maybe because they need to at least try to set a good example, maybe because they just need someone to be able to share a glance with and go "can you believe this shit?"

I just love thinking ab specifically not even how messy the Uchiha and Senju kids would be living in proximity, but like just tossing in all these different clans from all over.

Bc at first, when its just Senju and Uchiha, its at least straight forward. But then you start mixing in other major clans-- Hyuuga, Nara, and it gets messier. And then the smaller clans are also getting mixed in, Orochi, Hatake, Shiranui, etc. And then more big clans arrive, and even more smaller, and now there are civilians here, and a lot of the younger clan members have never even interacted with a civilian outside of their jobs, and it's just so messy.

What do you do when a battlefield crush is suddenly living only a few minutes away? When you're suddenly seeing them daily? Even potentially going on missions with them? There's going to be so much pigtail pulling and just awful idiot shinobi flirting via mutual harassment

Anyways I firmly believe that there was a major baby boom in the first couple of years of Konoha being founded, many of which were probably idiot teenagers fooling around bc they couldnt manage to go on a mission with an enemy clan member without the crazy tension getting to them, send tweet.

ALSO !!! It would be such a great medium to tackle writing fun clan rumors and stereotypes about clans and also people! I want to see random people gossip about the founders !!!

Continues on Chapter 78

Chapter 75: madatobi week 2024, cultural differences prompt

Summary:

maatobi week is here!! I wasnt going to participate (bc I am tired and lazy) but someone specifically asked me for my thoughts, so,

Chapter Text

Someone ( @ohai-there ) asked me if I had any thoughts ab mdtb weeks "cultural differences" prompt, so, like, take just the copy pasted reply I gave them (+ some extra) :

I was up all night drawing birthday art and am this 👌 close to blacking out for x amount of hours so this risks being nonsensical fair warning

Uhhh culture shock my beloved, let's seee

Easy answer is the senju are very touchy feely, easily and willingly sleeps around (they face a lot less risk of bloodline theft due to rarity of the mokuton so there isn't as much ingrained cultural fear of being assulted/facing the baby shaped consequences of sleeping around willy nilly)

They can take multiple spouses and it's actually rare for the head of house to have only one wife (Hashirama is an exception bc Mito is a Princess(tm) and so to take another wife would risk offending her own clan culture, he is fine with this and they possibly often take others to bed with them just for funzies (potential hashimitoizu noises(?)))

Uhh anyways so that, they're super liberal with touch, etc. Etc.

Also they don't really do crazy deep romance and are super used to casual no strings attached flings, you have to make yourself VERY clear in what you're doing if you want to actually start a fr relationship bc otherwise many "courtship" behaviors are just like. Casual, culturally acceptable flirting and invitations to bang (the senju have a 101 different ways to proposition eachother in flower language alone.)

Meanwhile the Uchiha are on the total opposite side of the spectrum— they're like super conservative (In contrast to the Senju not having an ingrained fear of bloodline hunters, their very valuable and very vulnerable kekkei genkkei makes them prime victims, which has lead them having generations of trauma fueled insane abstinence lessons)

+ They're a noble clan and regularly interact with the Daimyo's court, so there's even more etiquette culture ingrained into them so they can send anyone into court if needed (While the Senju, who are NOT a noble clan, only ever send their main house, and so only they have to even worry about court etiquette)

They do not believe in divorce, they do not believe in political marriages (tho they do happen very very rarely, it's seen as very sad and tragic when it does) they... sometimes believe in multiple spouses, in specific situations (they can't regularly interact w the daimyo's court and not have to face it as a concept, after all)

So like. Super up tight, hella rules about how to show affection and proper ways to conduct yourselves, months long courting rituals before u even get to kissing, to sleep together before marriage is SINFUL

But they're ALSO super fucking romantic and absolutely insane about having soulmates and one true loves and are just super intense ab all that romance stuff where the senju are super relaxed in it

I think u see where this is going

Anyways uhhh

They make a village and there's tons of culture shock

Then Tobirama, being Tobirama (standoffish and cold, not especially interested in the usual wild Senju sex parties or whatever tf kind of events they're hosting in the gardens) is like, among the most "normal" to the Uchiha (from a cultural standpoint)

And bc of that, Madara maybe interacts w him more like "well he's kind of awful but at least he's not a sex FREAK like the rest of these Senju WHORES"

Umm Madara tries to court Tobirama but Tobirama sees it as him only trying to bang (?)

Which he possibly doesn't even want to do

Tobirama is like "Ah man, if only he were interested in actual courtship, but he has only given me the Senju flowers of "I wish to ravish you in the fields" and not the senju flowers of "I am potentially interest in maybe going on a date" (a proposition that a)he received not too infrequently, and so was not odd, and b) he politely rejected by accepting the flowers then showing Madara that he had planted it in red soil)

Meanwhile, Madara is like. "Wow this courtship is going so great he's accepting all my Uchiha flowers of pure devotion and innocent love in bloom"

Just in general, their clans having different flower meanings could be funny actually. The Uchiha regularly interact with court so I think they'd have to have, like, "normal" flower meanings (or else theres be some implications there of how theye gotten so far while using incorrect flower meanings in genuinely important events) so that means its the Senju who have odd meanings for flowers-- which also works, bc, like, mokuton

however many years ago, a previous descendant with mokuton told his clansmen the ""real"" meaning of these flowers,,, u wouldnt get it,,,

Another fun route could be, like, the Uchiha method of declaring ones intentions to court someone also happens to be the Senju's method of declaring a feud.

Madara tries to flirt with Tobirama only for Tobirama to understand this as Madara telling him to his face that the peace may be ongoing but he'll always hate his bitch ass !!!

#this is a cute one i think #the fall out would be insane actually

Early Konoha, Madara researches Senju tradition in order to send Tobirama what basically amounts to hate mail in flower form— but the Senju flowers language is updated every time there's a new Mokuton user, and so his information is incredibly out of date.

What he actually manages to send Tobirama is a very romantic bouquet that speaks of years of yearning, wishes for passion, and forbidden love

Tobirama, who is allergic to normal human communication, very coldly (shyly, in that odd way of his) replies with his own bouquet of quiet, slow love, a confession given in secret, and willingness to give chance to new beginnings.

Only to Madara it reads as returning his "fuck you" bouquet, and he of course replies in kind

Tobirama thinks they're having a forbidden, secret, slow burn romance

Madara thinks they're sending eachother hate mail (and if the Senju is getting more oddly tolerable these days,, we'll, he's not going to stop with his spiteful flowers. That'd mean admitting his loss!)

Chapter 76: Tobirama finds Madara's chakra comforting, but hes like. Really mad about it.

Chapter Text

One of those "Tobirama finds Madara's chakra comforting" aus but its played straight, with an as close to canon, accurately awful man that he is Tobirama. And the entire fic is just him being really, really mad about it.

He's in his lab trying and failing to somehow replicate Madara's chakra signature, or bar that, just an Uchiha chakra signature

Madara falls asleep at his desk and wakes up to Tobirama glaring silently at him not even a foot away. When he jerks up and demands to know if he can help him, Tobirama just narrows his eyes further and let's out a very terse "no." Before spinning around and marching off

Tobirama refuses to admit he finds Madara, or any Uchiha's chakra comfortable under pain of death, to literally anyone (including his brother) so he's just kind of sulking around being a fucking freak, staring at Madara extra hard sometimes then turning away, angry at seemingly just looking at him (accurate but he's also just mad with himself)

Tobirama battling his own pride to put himself in increasingly convoluted situations to be in general proximity with Madara (who, to be clear, he still greatly dislikes)

He keeps swinging between "I'm going fucking insane, what is WRONG with me?? This is beneath me, this is ridiculous! If anyone finds out I will be forced to kill myself out of shame" and mapping out a 10 step plan to somehow "accidentally" lock himself and Madara in a closet together, prefferably in a way that makes it look like it's Madara's fault

Tobirama ends up somehow stealing a portion of Madara's chakra (don't ask how that works) and making a little chakra construct out of it to keep in his lab and use like a stress toy (but it can only last so long, especially when he keeps squeezing it till it explodes every time he's even mildly stressed or annoyed)

Meanwhile Madara is asking Hashirama what the actual fuck is wrong with his brother and Hashirama is going "oh no he's was born like that actually"

Comments:

top7879:I'm imagining Tobirama has to steal hair or something, voodoo style, and then he gets really good at stealing hair because the doll he's using for comfort explodes which means he always is making more. OR he has to use some sort of paper seal which could also lead to him stealthy leaving it in Madara's vicinity or Tobi regularly sneaks into his house at night to stick it on Madara while he's asleep for a couple hours

top7879:Tobirama and Madara are in a fight (v2). Tobi: "at least I know how to water plants! Your flowers by your back *pond* are drying out" Madara and extras: "how do you know that" Tobi: "Irrelevant. You're changing the topic"

sanska: Hashirama: my brother likes you Madara: *looks at tobirama in the corner squeezing his chakra stress ball menacingly until it bursts* are u sure

oh-no-its-bird: This. This exactly.

Chapter 77: (SVSSS crossover) Shang Qinghua reincarnates into naruto pt.2

Summary:

Uchiha Houhua my beloved <3
I think this au is moving up in my heart to stand next to the Haruno Tora au in terms of favorites tbh (and vibes, lowkey)

Chapter Text

Continues from Chapter 72

Anonymous asked:

Wait, if Houhua was a manga reader does he even know who Izumi is?

She was anime only from what I remember.

Also I think in the anime there were Uchiha outside the compound during the massacre. Obito was at the police force while Itachi was at the compound.

Oh my god great point actually, he does NOT know shit ab Izumi (tho tbf do we even get told much about her? I've never seen the anime myself)

Everything he knows about his "character" he knows from the systems vague character description— which is to say basically nothing other than the fact that he's supposed to be """close""" with Itachi

Wich. Also actually brings up a question if Houhua realizes he's supposed to be Itachi's childhood crush / vice vera. Actually.

That's so funny actually oh my god, Houhua has a full pass on simply never realizing Itachi might have a baby crush on him when they're kids, it just never occurs to him. He finally realizes and has an entire fucking heart attack about it for all sorts of reasons, starting with "oh my god a fucking maniac has a crush on me" (Houhua never read up to the Itachi reveal) and ending somewhere around "oh my god this antisocial toddler is into me"

Just had a revalation: Is Itachi Houhua's type?

In SVSSS, we're literally directly told that SQH created Mobei Jun based off his "ideal man" and. Like. I mean.

I'm kind of looking between MBJ (antisocial ice prince trope with tsundere/yandere tendencies, serious communication issues, and a distinct elegant air to him) and Itachi (antisocial ice prince trope (when younger) with tsundere/yandere tendencies, swrious communication issues and a distinct elegant air to him)

Guys.

Guys I think Itachi might be like textbook example of Houhua's type.

I've seen a lot of interpretations of how MBJ looks, but if u go with the relatively popular really pale skin and black hair interpretation, does that mean that's also a color pallet that Houhua's attracted to? I'm gonna fucking cry, actually

I suddenly need Houhua to realize all of the above, probably after some dramatic reunion post-massacre or smthn, and have a mental breakdown ab it

He continues to have the worst taste !!!

Sasuke realizes Houhua finds his brother hot and has an even bigger, louder and messier mental breakdown about it. Thanks Houhua!

Comments:

rosyhatake: Sasuke: You LIKE my murderous psycho elder brother that killed both of our families 🤢🤮 (has a mental breakdown)

oh-no-its-bird: "Nono you don't get it. I can fix him"

thybirbman asked:

So I vaguely remember Huohua was supposed to be the girl Itachi had a crush on? Or maybe I'm mixing him up with someone else. Either way, I think Huohua should, in fact, be Itachi's gay awakening at like 7 years old, and that's how Itachi-nii gets his loser friend.

And he does this by being the way bigger loser because he follows Huohua around like a lost duck and just... helps him with stuff. He tries to buy him dango (Itacgi's favorite treat), and then when that doesn't work, he buys him tomatoes (Sasuke's favorite treat), and when that doesn't work, he does not ask what Huohua likes, instead he stalks him and tries to figure it out on his own. Which would be super creepy as an adult, but the kid is like 8, so it's just kinda cute. A little scary because he does actually have sneaking skills, but mostly cute because he takes notes on everything Huohua buys, but the notes are like "bought milk. Give him a cow?!?! Picked flower. Buy him flower garden!?!?"in crayon with little doodle hearts on the edges of the pages. Huohua, of course, sees him as a child who has a puppy crush and doesn't quite have the heart to tell him off, and so is just waiting for said puppy crush to die off on it's own.

And then the massacre happens.

And it doesn't make any sense!

Itachi was such a sweet kid. His favorite moves were all non-lethal take downs, he would always offer Huohua his last dango ball even though dango was his favorite, he would help small kids walk home or hunt down a KPF officer to help them if they were lost. He hated killing, Huohua once saw him cry because he found a very small snake and it didn't have any legs, because it was a snake, but that was apparently a tragedy because it "couldn't run and be free".

So Huohua has a lots of mixed emotions, a lot of suspicions from being an author himself, and a lot of... not quite pining, but he misses Itachi's puppy love gestures, as selfish as that feels. Misses being offered dango he didn't want, misses having a shadow that took meticulous yet adorably stupid notes in him, misses seeing him kneel down next to a child half their size and seeing someone far too young act so old and responsible.

And then.

And then they meet again.

And fuck, Itachi's gotten kinda hot.

Look, the kid was- well, a kid. So all his actions were of an adorable kid who didn't know the person he had a crush on was actually unattainable. But now - because Itachi still has that puppy crush that is starting to look less like a crush and something more like eternally burning love unique to the Uchiha - but now. Now Itachi is a fully grown man and he's kinda fucking hot.

He has wrinkles! Huohua is hundreds of years old, okay? Wrinkles are kinda hot to him. And he's- not nice, currently, what with being a missing-nin, but there are traces of his childhood friend Itachi in there still. He uses those non-lethal take downs he used to practice non-stop, he still tucks his chin into his chest when he tries to meet Huohua's eyes, he still-

He still looks at Huohua like he hung the moon and like Itachi torn it down against his own will.

And then he coughs blood and leaves.

Just leaves. Just like that. Shows off what is clearly supposed to be the illness that kills him, leaving Sasuke unsatisfied in his revenge and setting him down the road of villainy, sends one last look of utter longing at Huohua, and then he just fucking leaves.

Fuck that. Fuck this. Fuck the system, fuck the story, fuck it all.

Huohua is bringing Itachi home and he's going to cure him and make him eat dango and then Itachi is going to offer Huohua the last dango ball and Huohua is going to accept it for the first time because it's no longer stealing candy from a child, it's sharing a treat with someone he-

Someone he-

Someone he loves.

IM YELLING !!! I WAS LITERALLY JUST THINKING AB HOW ITACHI IS TEXTBOOK SHANG QUINGHUA'S TYPE TOO, HOUHUA IS SO FUCKED

You're right ! Houhua reincarnated as Izumi, who was supposed to be Itachi's love interest as a kid (before he went and fucking killed her along with everyone else, rip)

He does NOT know he is supposed to be a love interest (probably for the best tbh, I feel like it'd be easy for him to get weird and ethical about it if he had to think ab the implications of Itachi possibly being "forced" to like him due only to his character role) so any crush directed towards him will be a fucking surprise attack

Poor Houhua <3

I'm crying at tiny baby stalker Itachi, I think they should get to he eachothers first school friends. I think Houhua didn't have many friends as a kid. His natural Houhua-ness was cranked up a bit when he was younger due to just kid hormones and kid-wired mind fucking with his emotions and reactions even more than they might have as an adult. + as adult man trapped in a child's body, he does not how to convincingly act like a normal kid and this lead to him being labeled as a total weirdo by both his peers and some adults

Houhua himself never really cared, so what if he isnt invited to some 6 year olds birthday party! Hes a grown man! But every once in a while he'll get kinda melancholy about it— again, I think he's heavily affected by the physical state his little kid brain is at that age, so his reactions can be a bit,, different than he may have reacted when older

But like. Outcast weirdo Houhua and untouchable, unsociable clan heir Itachi ,, they are friends and no one really talks to either of them

(Once he gets older, I think Houhua gets to work at trying to network w people. He,, doesn't really ever make any friends, but who needs friends? Not him! He has a network of acquaintances who owe him a whole lot of things and favors, and that's better than any friendship, yknow!)

Also they're both the most mature in their age bracket and I think that might help Itachi identify with him a bit more

ANYWAYS

Itachi develops a sudden interest in learning how to make handpulled noodles bc he hears Houhua complaining about craving some,,

Houhua straight up does NOT notice his crush, it just isn't smthn he's capable of registering at the time bc in his eyes Itachi's a kid. Also bc Itachi is his only friend, he's seeing all his little kind acts and going "omg,, my bro is so sweet,, the bonds of friendship are so nice,,"

I think Houhua absoloutley has a thing for just being treated well and having him and his work be visibly valued, I think he gets incredibly touched by acts like that and Itachi treating him in any sort of special way is absoloutley at path directly into his heart.

I also love the idea of him missing Itachi after everything, missing the things he used to do for him, missing feeling valued (although Sasuke tries his best, it's not the same)

He also just... misses his friend.

Meanwhile, Itachi, who went toe to toe with Houhua during the massacre— ultimatley winning but only after a very surprising struggle, deals with not just the guilt of the massacre but the burning question of why and how Houhua had been lying to him about how strong he was. Lying to not just him, but to everyone.

Successfully.

Itachi himself never shares with anyone about the struggle, not to Konoha in his reports about the Akatsuki, nor to "Madara". But he lies awake at night and retraces the steps of their fight and he burns

There's suddenly this really complicated issue in his heart of like— he can no longer turn Houhua into this perfect martyr to feel guilty over like he can with Sasuke. (Though he still of course feels weighed down by the guilt of all he's done) because there's tangible proof that Houhua was not everything Itachi thought. There's layers now, there's a mystery, Itachi is no longer completely in the driving seat of the fucking car crash in progress that is their story like he is with Sasuke's.

Where as in the original canon, Izumi joins the faces of those Itachi killed, as a girl he can claim to have killed gentler than the others, a memory of this perfect, innocent girl Itachi betrayed, another tally on his list of crimes—

Houhua leaves Itachi, bogged down with guilt but also reeling with "what the fuck was that"

(A silent notification appears in Houhua's inbox, congratulating him on changing the narrative in such a creative way)

I think Itachi may have been able to tear himself away from his affection for Houhua (and allow his affection for Sasuke to win out overall) if only Houhua hadn't left him with such a powerful mystery to weigh him down

Good going Houhua!! Ur so good at this narrative thing <3

ANYWAYS THEIR REUNION HAPPENING AND HOUHUA GOING "oh no he's HOT" HAS ME IN STITCHES THO I NEED THAT ACTUALLY. THATS CANON NOW.

Also the detail of Houhua finding his wrinkles attractive is actually really cute, I love that!!

Sasuke will genuinley lose his fucking MIND if he catches even a hint of Houhua being attracted to Itachi, and not in a funny way. Houhua look him in the eyes. Look him in the eyes and tell him you find his big brother who tortured him and murdered their entire family hot. Say it to his face.

No but I think Houhua has major suspicions ab Itachi and at some point he'll have to share them with Sasuke. He literally has no reason not to and comes to be very fond of the kid, so. The only question is when— both when does he tell Sasuke and when does he really gain enough meat to his theory of "something isn't right here" ab the massacre to really start piecing together any sort of coherent thought other than suspicion

I hate u actually bc I'm suddenly SO sold on a Houhua and Itachi romance of some kind, this is so compelling and interesting to me. But also Mobei Jun is wandering around somewhere as Jun and Houhua is going to run into him eventually and have to face his own relationship drama

Itachi pulling his fucking hair out out of confusion when Houhua manifests his mangekyou for this fucking random Kiri missing nin he literally only JUST met

(I don't think Itachi likes being left in the dark when it comes to things he cares ab very much, definite control freak energy. Houhua is driving him insane)

I think that Itachi and Jun may have gotten along actually, but Itachi catches wind of Houhua having a seemingly giant fucking crush on him and is suddenly filled with inexplicable rage, actually

Let them have actually worked together previously or smthn, that'd be funny. They worked together a couple times and had a good rapport— maybe akatsuki actually wants or wanted to recruit him? That could actually be kinda fun

Oh fuck that could also totally parallel svsss bc there's no way that Jun would want to join them, busy with his own shit of wanting to take over Kiri. But just like with Deidara, they can strong arm him into joining under threat of death just like Bingghe did to MBJ !!

I love parallels

They are, in fact, each other's first friends at the academy. Only friends, really. Because guess what, Houhua? You are not the only adult trapped in a child's body! Well, you're the only genuine article, but Itachi's a genuine replica! In that, he is also way too mature and does not know how to act like a child while still being influenced by his child prison and is therefore off putting to the rest of the child population.

I totally get Houhua not noticing Itachi's puppy crush at all, that's super fun, but I am so attached to Houhua being fully aware of the crush. Like he knows this small child has THE biggest puppy crush on him, and the part that goes straight over his head is that he is not, in fact, an adult (and therefore romantically unattainable to a small child) human male that a small child has a puppy crush on. He is actually a small child that another small child has a puppy crush on. Meaning, he is not, in fact, unattainable at all. He is VERY attainable, actually, and he should start working about that- but oh no, Houhua has his airpods in! He can't hear the Itachi's Eternal Devotion bus coming! It's gonna hit him!

Itachi is so confused, a little scared, kinda betrayed- but also, does he have any right to feel that way? When he's killed (almost) their entire clan? Does he have any right to feel betrayed about Houhua hiding his abilities from him when he would have used that exact knowledge to dispose of him? Should he not be grateful that Houhua didn't trust him ~~because he doesn't deserve to be trusted~~ because this way Houhua is alive?

Also, I need you to have this mental image as well- Itachi and Kisame on their Akatsuki missions, and in the middle of the night, Itachi will just be in the corner. Just. On his knees, in the corner, forehead to the wall. Just mentally repenting. Because fuck Houhua has only gotten more beautiful as time went on.

Itachi tried to kill him. Tried to ruin what they had. Tried to end it. And Houhua stopped him. Hoyhua didn't let him. And fuck, that's a mystery and Itachi feels so many things about it but one thing he definitely feels about it is- fuck, it was so hot. Like looking back on it, if Itachi does not remind himself that HE KILLED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY THE SAME NIGHT, thinking about how Huohua got away would get him so hard, so fast.

Like, imagine being Itachi. You've done this horrible thing, forced into a position where it was the only option you thought possible, and then you went through with it, even though you didn't want to- and then someone stopped you. Showed you it maybe wasn't the only way. Imagine the fear you'd feel about the fact that you were able to be convinced to kill the people you love, but then the utter relief that comes with the knowledge that there is someone out there that can keep you in check? Yes, Houhua didn't win against Itachi, but Itachi is about as mentally ill as they come. He failed in his mission to kill Houhua, which means Houhua won, which means Houhua, in a way, is stronger than Itachi, at least in his mind, and that means Houhua can stop him. If Itachi does something wrong, if he chooses wrong, Houhua can and will correct him.

Because Itachi might have been the clan heir, but he is such a follower. He follows orders, and he does not give them. He hates having that responsibility, that amount of power. He doesn't trust himself with it- look at what happened the last time he made a decision! Yeah, that decision was strongly influenced by Danzo, but Itachi doesn't give a crap, he has some severe survivors guilt/just actual guilt to deal with.

He hates having to make big decisions because he doesn't trust himself to make the right choice, and now Houhua is here to hold his leash. And that is frankly the hottest thing to ever happen.

Is this a healthy way to live? No. Is it about as healthy as you're gonna get in the military focused dystopia that is Naruto? Yeah, kinda. And again, doesn't really matter that Houhua didn't really win and can't actually fight off Itachi, he won in Itachi's mind, and that's enough for Itachi's monkey follower brain to be like, "welp, guess we listen to him no matter what now."

Also, I feel like I'm making out to be way worse than it would be. This is basically just- Itachi is just really into being told what to do and would like to not be in charge. Houhua would like to have literally any control over his life. And well, I'm just saying, he would have a lot of control over a lot of stuff if the Uchiha heir/Uchiha heir's brother was gladly at his beck and call...

And last but not least, Jun. Oh, Jun, Jun, Jun... the answer is simple! Houhua has two hands. Thruple. (Because you can pry Houhua/Itachi from my fucking cold dead hands.)

Also, I get what you mean with Itachi having control freak energy, but to me, at least, his control freak energy is very much "oh god, idk what I'm doing and I do not want to be here or be in charge, BUT I AM, SO I GUESS I NEED TO JUST KEEP TRACK OF EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE AT ALL TIMES BC IDK HOW ELSE TO DEAL WITH THIS HELP". His need for control comes from a place of complete panic and a distrust in his own ability to evaluate a situation, and if literally anyone else could take the wheel, he would be eternally grateful. But also, only someone with his undying trust and loyalty could ever be trusted with the wheel and he will bite anyone else that tries.

Basically, I feel like if he was eternally devoted to Houhua, and Houhua told him, nah, I knew about this, it's cool, Itachi would immediately go boneless with relaxation and just zoink out of the conversation. Trusted person has said everything is fine, so literally cannot comprehend a world where everything isn't fine.

Itachi is such a messed up little traumatized freak (affectionate). He has so many issues about control and making important decisions and following orders and trust and just anything to do with his own bodily autonomy. And really, most high-ranking/strong ninjas in this dystopia militaristic dictatorship are gonna have some complicated emotions about that stuff.

Anyway, Jun and Itachi can totally be cat fighting before Houhua comes along to set everything straight, tho. Let them fight over best boy, until best boy comes along and drags them both away by the scruff.

Can you tell I'm trying so fucking hard to manipulate Houhua/Itachi into working out? Because I am trying so hard to make them work out, and I want said hard work to be acknowledged.

That's all, though. It's 2 a.m., so I'm blaming anything that doesn't make sense, all spelling mistakes, and anything embarrassing on that. Because it's 2 a.m. and I'm tired. But still, take all of what I've said super seriously, and please join me in the newly formed Houhua/Itachi camp that I just erected.

(BTW, I have never read/seen svsss, nor read any of the fanfiction. I am purely running on my love of Naruto and context clues. Just so like you understand why Jun was mentioned dos briefly (I do not know who he is).)

Also also also also. Sasuke is going to stab everyone. With everyone being just his brother and his brother's loser friend. He is going to stab them for all the reasons. For killing his entire family, for apparently being forced into doing that, for faLLING IN LOVE WITH A MASS KIN SLAYER BEFORE SAID KIN SLAYING TURNED OUT TO BE FORCED. WHAT THE FUCK, HOUHUA-NII?

I think Houhua should get the develop a technique that let's him perfectly fake his own death by like, basically putting himself in a chakra induced coma or smthn, to survive the Uchiha massacre. And also he absoloutley abuses it in future interactions— this guy is a fucking ROACH and you can never trust if he's fr dead.

He only continues to perfect his technique as he grows older, and is eventually able to even make his chakra signature and network look like he's dead (not the same thing as just suppressing his chakra, though many sensors may fall for simple supression)

Its first stage of being is smthn like a simple layering of chakra over his pulse point to keep it from being felt, but after thinking it up Houhua kind of stared at a wall for a bit like but is it ENOUGH. Then decided not, not it wasn't.

Eventually he gets so good at playing dead that he could fool Tsunade herself

Comments:

rosyhatake: Sasuke absolutely loses his shit everytime he uses the technique. sasukes Itty bitty heart can't handle the stress of his possum like last relative. I guess having sasuke have a mental break down about the 'death' really sells the act

oh-no-its-bird: PLEASEE poor Sasuke, Houhua has to make sure to never do it around him or he gets the super mental breakdown delux treatment

oh-no-its-bird: Hear me out actually: Sasuke, fully confident in his knowledge of Houhua's roach like immortality and ability to weasel himself out of everything, shrimply never fucking believes it when he "dies" after a certain point

kittyfeathersflying asked:

Omg I just finished reading svsss!!! And now you have a naruto au about it!!!

I think either way Houhua Uchiha is hilarious, but especially in that way of *what do you mean he's actually competent/dangerous?* from elite ninja. He's absolutely a sneaky coward.

If he gets noticed by Orochimaru I think Houhua entire.... *everything* will entice Orochimaru in a way that's like. Put it in a jar. I want to put my blorbo in situations! Especially with his .... lack? Weird relation with moral (I mean both of them).

I want to know more about his genin team. Especially his sensei. Like. I know he unplayed his skills, but also he alway somehow has exactly what the situation calls for on a mission. His mission reports would be weird as hell. "Successfully solved village dispute by realizing nearby village was messing for farmer Xs crops because of family dispute about prized cow, solved with better fence and different trade route."

Just. I love this au. <3

Another one falls to the scum villain agenda, let's go !!!

YEAHHH YOU GET IT! No matter how strong he gets or may be, Houhua continues to project the aura of a very scared genin. He has whatever the opposite of killing intent is, and it throws all of his opponents off

I think that Orochimaru and Houhua would be fucking amazing to watch interact w eachother actually— Houhua is so fucking scared of him, which is typical of people to act around Oro, but like. Orochimaru seeing past the layers (both real and carefully cultivated) of a coward to see the alarmingly smart little rat underneath.

Orochimaru is poking him with a stick

You know that one scene where Asuma like, tricks Shikamaru into playing some sort of strategy game? And realizes he's really smart? Or smthn like that? Ok so something similar to that for Orochimaru and Houhua could be fun.

Orochimaru somehow sniffed out that there's a LOT more to Houhua than there seems and he's got a bit of an eye on him now, just for funzies. Just as a little side project

(And then Houhua maybe says something incriminating about immortality bc he was an immortal cultivator, and Orochimaru is instantly right behind him breathing heavily over his shoulder)

I think that if Houhua ever tells anyone ab his past life, not that the system would let him, (tho considering the reincarnation in naruto, there might be a loop hole to exploit there?) I'd want it to be Orochimaru who he tells, just bc I think he'd be the most interesting character to get involved in that.

Like, other characters you might get the usual "omg no way" song and dance, maybe some hurt/comfort or whatever, and like that's fun! But Orochimaru you'd get him trying to fucking dissect the system. He's putting his plots on hold to try and figure out how to get this "system" to manifest. And if he can kill it. Or better yet: harness it's power

Oh shit Houhua's genin team, I didn't even think of that

I am suddenly struggling to think of any naruto characters who are Itachi and Houhua's age that I can throw into a team for him actually. Am I going to have to make some ocs for this? I hope not tbh, I like stuffing as many canon characters as I can everywhere

Oh god and who would their sensei be too

I can't use Itachi for the team bc he graduated early, do we even know if he was on a genin team or did he just go straight to ANBU? No but he'd have to take the chunin trials no matter what, so hmm

Yk what? I think it'd be funny if Houhua was on one of Kakashi's past teams Sarutobi tried to saddle him with, the ones he'd like fail on day 1 then dumped back into the system

I dont think the timeline on that would actually add up correctly, but it'd be really funny so I don't care actually

hear me out: Houhua was actually on the very first team Sarutobi tried to saddle Kakashi with. And at first, he's like "omg,,, isn't this Kakashi? did I stumble on a secret plot route???? Is this finally my chance to gain more character relevance points????"

But no. It's not. And Kakashi fails him and his team just like he would have anyways.

Possibly with even more ruthlessness, depending on if Houhua has interacted w him before that.

Hmmm ok so timeline.

Houhua and Itachi are both 13 during the massacre, Houhua was about to graduate, but the massacre and then taking care of Sasuke in the year that followed delayed his graduation, which also meant he got dropped from the team he was supposed to be on (whichever team it was)

So then he graduates fr a year or maybe more later, right around the time Sarutobi is starting to try and peer pressure Kakashi into taking a team.

Kakashi is given Houhua's team, makes eye contact w Houhua like once, then immediatley turns around and leaves without comment.

(This also adds tension between them later on when Kakashi eventually does take Sasuke on as a student. Plus tension between Kakashi and Sasuke, who would remember him as the sensei who failed Houhua + whatever else Houhua let slip, possibly about knowing Kakashi trained itachi)

No fucking clue who he gets saddled with in the end, but it'd be funny if his team gained some sort of reputation of being cursed bc they keep being passed around by sensei's who inevitably drop them for various reasons.

Who do u guys think would be fun to see on his team tho, I really can't think of anyone who's the right age so I'm struggling over here

LOVEEE THE IDEA OF HIM SOLVING CONFLICTS IN REALLY OUT OF NOWHERE WAYS THAT RESULT IN NO BLOODSHED AND 9 TIMES OUT OF 10 BETTER TRADE DEALS AND ROADS THATS SO FUNNY

Its not even that he he doesn't want to kill, he just thinks it's messy and will only lead to MORE problems they'd be called in to fix later down the line. This is actually the easy way, you know!!

(Somewhere far away but still watching through his crows, Itachi goes through several emotions as he watches Houhua peacefully solve more than one dispute when he was brought there specifically for murder. He's kind of going through a lot. Actually.)

(I like to think that if Houhua had been made aware of the root of the Uchiha Massacre, he could have fr helped think up a plot to get them all out of it. Unfortunatley everyone was under the impression he was a silly little untalented 13 year old. So that never happened.)

Houhua gets the nickname of "the beaurocrat nin" or smthn silly like that bc hes always resolving conflicts via the power of paperwork. The silly title only helps to make him seem more harmless, which gives him even more of an advantage in a fight when it comes to taking the enemy by surprise

Comments:

rosyhatake: Im throwing some lore in here, itachi did have a genin teammates.

Team 2 led by Yuki Minazuki, a girl named shinko Inari (she has the cutest pigtails) and Izumo Tenma. Tenma was very jealous of itachi and Shinko always told him to leave itachi alone. They were sent on a few missions to capture iwa nin when hinata was kidnapped. Obito attacked Itachi's team and killed Tenma. Shinko was very traumatized and quit being a ninja. They got two replacements Himuka Suzukaze and Yoji Aburame. And this team worked out fine. That is until Danzo insisted on having Itachi take the chunin exam solo. Can't believe Obito was traumatizing poor itachi since he was a lil kid and then proceeded to offer his assistance to kill the clan.

Also shisui had a team as well with his best friend who was killed and caused his mangekyo to appear. Then he met itachi and they became friends.

oh-no-its-bird: I am writing this all down furiously thank u

Anonymous asked:

Inuzuka Hana (Kiba's big sis) should be around the right age for Houhua's Gennin team.

The only other person I could think of close in age was Kabuto, who is ~2 years older so he could be there if his other teammates made Chunnin. (since his thing was constantly failing the chunnin exams)

Otherwise maybe someone else to round them out to a tracking team?

-filler Izumi anon

Holy shit you're a genius, I am kissing u rn, oh my god

Im actually taking both of them and running, no more comment, no other suggestions needed this is THE most interesting thing anyone could have suggested actually

First off: I suddenly need a Houhua and Hana friendship. Hana is the Inuzuka clan heir if I'm not wrong? But also if I am wrong no one tell me bc even if she isn't confirmed it in canon, she is in my heart, so,

Houhua being buddies with the Uchiha clan head and then later getting to be buddies with Hana would be so good, and Hana, being a clan heir, probably interacted with Itachi more than a few times in the past so she'd possibly hae noted Houhua's presence around him before the massacre or smthn

Hana just kind of harassing Houhua and dragging him around, they are besties now bc she says so. He does not get a choice in this matter. She will not let him drag her down just because theyre stuck on the same team together!!! She's gotta graduate fast in order to keep up with her clans (and her own) expectations of her!

I think she was eligible for early graduation but her mother actually said no, she wanted her to stick with the traditional route. Hana won't let that slow her down though, she's on a roll! And Houhua won't be the one to slow her down!

Meanwhile, I think it'd be cool if Kabuto noted Houhua's talent and smarts, but maybe didn't note it enough to really worry ab-- but like maybe that could be how we get our very first crumbs of "uh oh, be careful not to get on Orochimaru's radar over there Houhua!"

(Houhua does NOT know Kabuto is with Orochimaru, he does not remember that shit)

Now I just need a solid sensei for them-- though I do still think the idea of them being a "cursed" team who gets passed from sensei to sensei, constantly being dropped and tossed around like a hot potato for varying reasons, is super funny. But like, which sensei's?

Kakashi to start, then he fucking walks off after making eye contact with Houhua and tells Sarutobi if he tries to give him another team he'll kill himself fr this time

Then uhh, idk, Genma could be fun? For like a week maybe, just as a temporary sensei while they try to assign them a fr one

Ok actually running with that, POV Genma is lowkey their in between Sensei-- whenever they get dropped, they're told to go find Genma and he should help him with reassignment, then he kind of takes care of them for a week or two while they scramble to find someone official

The kids ask Genma why he can't just be their fr sensei and he just kind of laughs and goes "you think you can get me to do this full time??? Hahahahaha. No."

Theres some implications there with Hana, being a clan heir, being tossed around like a hot potato w them, but again that can just be part of the "curse"

Maybe her mother is also telling her to toughen up and roll with the punches too, idk

Hana is actually the reason they're doing much of any training in the inbetween periods of not having a sensei, pass it on. She wont let them slack off, not when they'll have to get through the chunin trials together-- she refuses to carry them!

Houhua meanwhile is forced into doing actual team work for the first time in like. Decades, tbh.

He is struggling.

Continues on Chapter 116

Chapter 78: Early day Konoha as seen by the Hatake pt.3

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 74

#!!!!!!!! #i feel like i should have a specific tag for this at this point #wolves of the woods #ig #if it work it works #IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE THEM THO!!! #to have infected u with my thoughts #there is no higher honor

Bird, I just need you to know, I think about these dudes daily. I think about them and their little cliche every single day and I think about modern Konoha would react to them and how they would react to modern Konoha and I think about them so much, it's probably not healthy. I don't have the words to explain how much I think about them, but it's so so much.

Specifically I think about how you drew Haruka, I can imagine her voice in my head so fucking clearly from just those two first shots of her. Deep and smooth, still womanly just way deeper than average, she kinda sounds like she's constantly on the verge of yawning, but she's actually only one step away from the most terrifying growl.

But also I love how you drew the twins and Kurumi holding up Sakumo like he's simba, which he basically is. It's just such a kid thing to do. You find out you're about to have a little cousin, and you're old enough that you know kids are a rarity in your family, so you're just like, "YOOOO! CHILD!!!!" Even if you don't 100% get it, you get it's a big deal and the only way you know how to deal with that is hold the kid high and tell everyone about how YOOOOO THERE IS A FREAKING CHILD YOOOOOO!!! And I love how mischievous the twins look. I wanted to make all the noises when Haru said, "Oh boy, exciting stuff," about Orochinatsu looking at ants while leaning on them with one arm. It's just so- I can tell they're interested but also they don't get it, they're faking getting it because it is interesting and they do wanna know more and they do care, but they don't GET IT get it. It's an older siblings trying to get it bc well, they got nothing better to do, but also they care, so they wanna hang out with you, and they wanna GET IT get it. Well, they do have better things to do, they have PLANS, but they care about Natsu and want them to know that they're not saying watching ants is stupid, (they think it's a lil stupid in that it's boring but they're not gonna say that bc they care and it's not them watching ants so they're not gonna ruin it for them for no good reason) Natsu is clearly enjoying themselves, just they have this idea and if you have the time maybe you wanna join-

Also, Tesuo's panel. I love his expression when inner him is going; "I'm finally free!!!~" in contrast to his outwardly uncaring facade. Just love his design in general. I love all your Hatake designs, I am so mentally ill about them, I love the Hatake, I'm obsessed with them, and I love your interpretation of them.

I love the Nara twins' designs and Hiname's design too- absolutely love the Hatake twins having decided to be here minions for the fuck of it. God, that is so in character and such a teenage thing to do. "Hey, let's just be this lil kid's slaves for the fun of it. I got nothing better to do, and I think she's funny, I wanna reinforce her bad habits. Also, I just wanna see what happens." 100% said by at least 59 teenagers every day. And Shiruka just being so done with the twins' shit, but also not leaving bc those are her besties (she never said this, and if you ever say she did, she is... not stabbing you, too much effort. She's putting in a bad word of you to her friends tho and they have all the energy in the world to socially destroy you). If they lived in the real world, they 100% met in college and became lifelong friends. Shiruka crashed on their couch for a while while between jobs, and Shiruka picked them up from bars more than once bc they were both too drunk to drive.

Also, I'd go on depth of my love of Orochinatsu and Hiname, but oof ouch my fingies are cramping, so just know I love them both just as much. Tho the twins + Shiruka are definitely my favorite, but I love all of them so much!

And I just- aaaaahhhhh! Too many feels, too few words. I love them all so much. I love the rivalry they got going on with other clan kids. I daydream about them going about their day and the Naruto cast doing a "watch the series/read the book they're from" trope type thing except they're watching their ancestors and also love them bc I cannot contain so much love in one person and I have to imagine hoards of people loving them as much as I do to function.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

HELPPP IM CRYING ACTUALLY IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THEM???? HONORED TBH????? I love these silly little guys SO much I'm losing my mind over here that u like them enough to write smthn so long ab it, omg don't look at me rn I'm crying

I never thought too much ab Haruka's voice before but tbh now what u described it that way that's just the Official Haruka Voice Take (tm) actually, that is how she sounds now

"I've got nothing better to do, I think she's funny and I want to reinforce her bad habits <3" is so fucking funny and so fucking accurate, this is exactly what is happening in the twins minds actually.

In my notes for their personalities in my notesapp, I just wrote "They're genuinley just the fucking WORST to deal with. Their "I'm going to cause problems on purpose" dials got cranked up to 10 and got stuck that way at birth" which I think sums it up nicely.

I've been writing silly small stuff for them lately to hoard jealously in my notesapp and I think Haru has a genuine mean streak while Hiro is a lot more bark than bite— but also Haru looks and talks a bit gentler while Hiro acts and sounds rougher, so they often give off the opposite impressions. Don't worry Hiro, your brother will do what you aren't strong enough to (crime)

There's all sorts of fun layers to it too, like, considering they're from a clan who tries to shelter it's children— but they're also from the infamously bloody warring states period, who had to bring up their children much quicker and rougher than modern. I think Hiro would have made a wonderful modern day shinobi while Haru is a good example of the inherent violence of the warring states, just buried under good cheer and playfulness. Mmmm phycology,,,

I love their little trio with Shiruka, they are besties and she's also their first real friend their age, while she's kind of but not quite an outcast in her own clan due to her parents poor standing. She's older sibling coded and so tired of their shit but also quietly, perpetually amused by it, which is probably part of why she sticks around. That, plus their clear undying loyalty towards anything and anyone considered "theirs"— a list she's made it on and does her best to reply in kind

They are holding hands and will continue to hold hands together till they inevitably die at ~19 for the good of the village, yippie !!!

At least they'll get to live on in the memory of Hiname,,

Just kidding she dies like 3 years later, whoops!

BUT YEAH THEM !!! I love them so much, I had way too much fun thinking ab just the ecosystem for young shinobi in early konoha.

I have so many more thoughts ab it all tbh, theres no doubt tons of things happening as so many different people and clans settle in to a new normal but I ofc have my focus

I think I accidentally created some sort of little mystery/conflict with my silly meme of Shiruka going "he wants to ~~order~~ break into my clan heirs house" while also stating that she and her family aren't currently in good standing with the Nara main family.

I wasn't thinking ab it too hard when I drew it but now I'm sat over here like "girl why are you helping Haru break into your clan heirs home when you're already most likley on their (or at least their parents) shit list?? Who is the clan heir and why does Haru want to break into their house?? What drama is this??"

I'll probably think harder about it later, I feel like there's potential there

I need to stop thinking so hard ab potential early konoha narrative things bc I refuse to be consumed by it and know I very much will give in to The Voices if I continue

I say that but I'm absoloutley going to continue to think ab them. Actually.

Ough,,, Wolves of the Woods my beloved,,, one day I'll write u,,, one day,,

That said I'm also enamored with Tetsuo as clan heir (someone get him out of there!!!) He's great at it but also really, really does not want the position.

I think when he was younger and Tobirama was visiting the clan, he point blank begged him to take the position— But Tobirama said no, he's a Senju through and through and he's proud to be second to his Anija. A week later, and Tetsuo officially got the title (and maybe cried about it but only just a little and only on the inside)

(Tetsuo is still nursing a tiny grudge over this, though it's lessened slightly since Sakumo's birth)

POV he's in an especially bitchy mood and Tobirama asks him something and he just kind of grumbles, "oh, I'm sorry, are you my clan heir?"

Queue ??????? from like half of those present

He's so cute tho I think he has my favorite design of all of them. He dresses the fanciest for sure— Haruka totally owns similar things (I think the half and half haori is super cute and I want it to be a clan staple) but only wears it on occasions where she needs to, while he's more traditional/conscious of himself and his position, so he dresses like that all the time. He's probably the guy they send to the capital whenever it's necessary and the clan heads presence isn't needed

Random early konoha oc fun fact no one asked for: I have a vague messy fic idea from months ago now that basically amounts to "the Hatake's die before Madara defects to the village, and Kabuto, in practicing Orochimaru's edo tensei in preparation for the final battle, revives them— then manages to lose them in transport before they wake up. Not knowing any better, they flock to Madara to help in his fight"

I love time travel I love drama I love horrible misunderstandings and family/clan drama !!!!!

Uhh take some notes from that:

ANYWAYS THANKS SO MUCH IM SO GLAD U LIKE THEM SORRY FOR MY WORD VOMIT I JUST GET SO EXCITED AB THEM I COULD EXPLODE WITH IT ACTUALLY

#wolves of the woods #I !! Love !! Clan lore !!!

Having thoughts about cool, warring states era clan weapons lost to time and circumstances by the time canon comes around

The Hatake clan had a raijin drum at one point but lost it in some conflict (and never stopped being mad about it) All that remained of it was an oversized, double sided drum mallet, which was perfectly built for channeling lightning in its rawest form. Even without its drums, when filled with a Hatake's white chakra, each blow of the mallet booms with the unmistakable sound of thunder.

It was used for yearly rituals, to be used with specially prepared drums in place of the raijin drum they lost. They had to make a new drum each year because no matter how well made it was, it could never stand up to the power of the mallet.

The mallet was also used as a weapon by the Hatake clan head for some generations, before it was lost with Sakumo's mother when she died.

If there were any Hatake left with the knowledge of the drum and it's mallet, they'd be very, very mad about having lost it too. "Fortunatley" there are none left with the context to be mad about anything

It no doubt still exists, discarded out there somewhere, lost and forgotten among the trees.

Also having thoughts ab an Orochi clan ouroboros gourd that eats anything it's pointed at. But I've decided I wish to draw for this so Imma stop there

Incredibly self indulgent 'early konoha kids get zapped into canon right after Hiruzen is killed' au..... save me incredibly self indulgent 'early konoha kids get zapped into canon right after Hiruzen is killed' au ,,,,

This is so stupid but I'm embracing the cringe.

POV a Nara an Orochi and 2 Hatake twins fuck around and find out with one of Tobirama's seals (that one of the Hatake's definitely stole) when they really really shouldn't and get zapped to Konoha

Immediate glaring problem: the Orochi clan is incredibly recognizable. They all look very similar. And Orochimaru is the only one left in modern era and also just killed the Hokage in front of a fuck ton of people, like, last week. And is also a known body hopper so any minor differences in appearance can be very easily waved away.

They don't even realize smthn went wrong at first bc they were fucking around way on the outskirts of town to avoid being caught playing with things they shouldn't, and when they return to town they take the back ways around so they don't even notice the new buildings n stuff

They all just kinda shrug and call it a day after the seal explodes on them (and poke at the Hatake who's genius idea it was to play with the seal, who is also the only one of them currently throwing up in the grass due to the seal backlash) and split off to go home

"Did it hurt?" Haru cheerfully prodded his brothers cheek with his finger. "Do you feel sick?" He gave him another poke. "Do you feel stupid?" At this poke, Hiro let out a low grumble. "You look pretty stupid."

Only, in going home, the Hatake's return to a ruined, falling appart clan compound that suitably freaks them out

The Nara to a house that looks somewhat the same (with some changes to the garden) but has a new family in it who yells at her in confusion when she apparently breaks in and chases her away

And the Orochi, the only one of them to go run errands before heading home, is immediatley mistaken for Orochimaru and tackled by like 10 ANBU agents at once while trying to buy groceries (the weeping shopkeep is very relieved. The Orochi meanwhile, is very confused)

Prison break time !! The Nara and Hatake twins very messily break out their friend, who then refuses to leave without retrieving their gourd, which was taken to evidence (and is an important clan artifect and weapon) so the escape gets even messier

They may have tried to clear up any misunderstandings but that was before their Orochi buddy got put in prison under threat and schedule of torture, so they decide to fuck off from the village in hopes of creating some distance

(There's a lot of conflict on Konoha's side, behind the curtains and higher up, from some who had interacted w Orochinatsu, who do not believe them to be Orochimaru. And those who interacted w them and do. And Danzo, who wants them dead and or in his hands either way, who is also kind of in charge rn bc Sarutobi's fucking dead)

So they retreat real hard and real fast and knock right into Sasuke actually, who's in the middle of trying to defect to sound.

Oh also it's to note that the warring states guys are all 17-18, so they (read:the Hatake twins) see Sasuke and are like "oh the ittle baby wishes to commit treason? That's so cut— whO taught him that ????? (Chidori) WHY CANT I DO THAT I WANT TO DO THAT ???????"

Anyways they somehow join Sasuke on his little trip to sound— They hear Orochimaru and think of the Orochimaru of their time (the name is a title passed down through Orochi clan heads) and they also, now somewhat aware of the time travel, think of the (literal this time) baby Oro they occasionally babysit together, and who is Orochinatsu's baby cousin (who is, yes, the Orochimaru of this time)

They get to Sound and Orochimaru is like "???? Ayo ????" for MULTIPLE reasons, this entire thing fascinates him

Omg Sasuke u brought him a gift ?? Ur such a good guest!

Unfortunately for them tho, Orochinatsu is also like. Literally the most perfect body he could ask for, actually. They look really similar, the kid is young and strong and healthy, plus also very talented (annoyingly to the others, one of the most skilled among their generation in early konoha) they already have a snake contract, and best of all they're literally directly biologically related to Orochimaru, which could seriously help the body snatching procedure, etc.

Unsure where it goes from there, they might tuck Sasuke under their arm and book it, maybe even promise to help w his Itachi problem, idk I'm just having fun spinning around in circles in a chair daydreaming ab silly stupid oc time travel aus

Staring at a wall telling myself to embrace the cringe ,,, I earned it,, tis my birthright to make unasked for naruto oc content ,,

Oooh, Uchiha massacre is going to break them. In an era where clans are on thin ice in trusting Konoha and are trusting in Hashirama’s dream? You shouldn’t have :) Whether they learn the truth from Itachi or not, that’s a major blow in trust. Literally only the Nara are left, with even the Uchiha and Senju gone. Orochimaru barely has to lie to built distrust in modern Konoha. And then Danzo’s natural slime sabotages Konoha further.

If Kakashi is in this, I can see him desperately wanting to mentally check out. Between Sasuke defecting, trying to duck and weave being the new hokage, and now not being the last Hatake anymore, he’s out. Kakashi would like to go back to being a mindless ANBU now please. He’s also the most likely to verify for Konoha that these kids time traveled, since the kids probably used a botched Hiraishin seal. Kakashi might also now be in charge of retrieving these kids or booting them back in time depending on what higher up wants what. The real reason Naruto and Sakura get sannin teachers is because Kakashi needs to complete the worst retrieval mission of his life.

The good news is, Kakashi gets to spend more time with Sasuke, the bad news is that this fixes literally nothing. Kakashi is trying, but Sasuke isn’t receptive and the best Kakashi can do is promise to help kill Itachi if Sasuke behaves (Sasuke won’t). Kakashi is desperately trying to have as little interaction with the time travelers as possible, but to the time travelers he’s like catnip. A Hatake, smart like Tobirama, isn’t willing to seriously hurt them over being annoying, taught Sasuke that Chidori jutsu and has more, and can help get them home. Kakashi is unintentionally adopted by a gaggle of children and will throw himself out a multi-story window the second he learns.

Orochimaru might be experiencing feelings, and is quietly wondering if he can dissect his heart to remove them. Between body snatching, immortality, being a kage, and being a sensei/uncle, Orochimaru is busy. Orochimaru has never had so many choices and he’s morbidly drawing his OC based on those kids: Saskue’s eyes + Orochinatsu’s body + Nara’s brain + some Hatake chakra for funsies. He’s so distracted that character development and attachment hits him like a freight train from behind.

Orochimaru kinda gets his Boruto arc early. He’s still after immortality, and he’s still buying clothes for Orochinatsu for a post body snatching wardrobe. But… he’s also super invested in their diet and enrichment. They get a good allowance to enjoy Sound’s markets and plenty of presents in anything they express interest over. All necessary and in no way indicative of sentiment of course. By the time he realizes he’s in too deep it’s too late.

OR… Orochimaru feels sentiment and this doesn’t solve anything. Like loving a cow before slaughter, you justify it by saying the cow had a good life prior. Maybe Orochimaru recognizes he cares, but like Jiraiya and Tsunade, these kids are going to leave him. They’re time travelers, their only goal is to leave. No matter how much Orochimaru cares or these kids care for him, it means nothing in the end. The kids (minus Sasuke who doesn’t care enough to correct them), don’t even realize what danger Orochimaru is to them. Modern Konoha spat on Hashirama’s dream and killed off most of their clans. Surely, whatever reason Orochimaru had to defect was justified?

Other ideas:

-Kids find out Sasuke knew and didn’t warn them about this horror show.

-Tsunade takes up Hokage and immediately tries to retire (she did not sign up for this).

-Sasori’s white fang grudge having an easy target.

-Naruto imprinting on these kids who don’t realize he’s a jinchuriki and haven’t been conditioned for years to fear him.

-Sai’s mission to break in Sound and kill Sasuke goes sideways (possibly with Danzo making a move at nabbing unattended clan kids).

-Kabuto is jealous whether he’s evil or not.

-Other villages attempting to steal these kids the second they step out of sound.

-Very reluctant Kakashi being the most reliable in keeping the kids safe. Quietly, he’s a little more grateful for his own Team 7 (even Sasuke).

-Also the time travelers reaction to Kakashi’s sharingan? With his reluctance to explain it? They are waiting for the other shoe to drop like with Orochimaru.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

!!! omg additions I am falling over myself @ you rn actually

I think they first find out ab the massacre from Sasuke, and its like a huge shock but they dont have a reason to not believe his story about Itachi being the perpetrator-- especially because no one has actually mentioned Itachi's age, so to them he's painted as just this mystery monster figure

There are a lot of monster's in early konoha, Hashirama and Madara are some well known ones, and it's not too much of a stretch for them to believe that one strong enough to wipe out his entire clan might exist

(Later on they meet Itachi and the Nara, Shiruka, is squinting in the bg counting on her fingers before squinting even harder and muttering, "13...??" From there, suspicions start to bloom)

Actually I think their outsider POV on Itachi is so fun-- they do not know the guy and Sasuke is totally building up the mythos so hard rn, even just by silently hating him so furiously.

The early konoha babs are speculating so hard ab what he must be like, they finally find a bingo book and all crowd around it to squint at the man who wiped out the Uchiha and are a little shocked that he's so young

they come from an era where clan is everything, even more so than it is now, so Itachi really did do the ultimate evil in their eyes. They are disgusted !!

(and when they inevitably find out the truth, oh man)

I think overall they're kind of terrified/disgusted by the fate of the clans. They're ofc heavily biased due to, again, clans being everything in their time. They've only been in Konoha for like, 3 or 4 years now, so they're kind of being confronted with both the pros and cons of the village in an era where they've clearly prospered-- but at a steep price.

Mmmm discussions ab if its worth it,, snaps of "Easy for you to say, your clan still exists!" time spent traveling between villages marveling about how easier it is, when the land isn't divided into factions,, overall admiration for the many little ways the villages have clearly benefited overall society while still acknowledging the heavy toll and power they now hold over their own "normal" ways of life,,,,

KAKASHI BEING SENT ON THE WORST RETRIEVAL MISSION OF HIS LIFE MY BELOVED, HE WANTS TO GO HOME AND SLEEP FOR A YEAR

This entire month is officially in the rankings for some of the worst months of his life. Not the worst. Never the worst. That can't be beat. But man, it somehow just keeps getting worse.

He's going insane actually bc where did these people come from? How does he have any clan left? He knows nothing of the Hatake, his dad died before he could be taught anything substantial about his clan, so this is a lot for him on multiple levels.

I think we deserve a scene where he catches up to him and he and the Hatake fight, but like half playful and while talking ab clan things the entire time.

It's weirdly friendly, and the twins keep trying to guess who his parents were and if they know them. Kakashi finally drops it was Sakumo and they go a little insane bc omg !!! That must make you our future clan head that's soooo cool!! (Sakumo was the son of the previous clan head, but the clan died when he was too little to receive the title of heir and he never took up the mantle-- he possibly never even knew he was meant to)

Kakashi did NOT know this information and will need a few days to process. Thanks.

Kakashi really is like catnip to the time travelers actually, they are harassing Sasuke for information about him as Sasuke goes ??? why do you want to know ab HIM???

I think Kakashi gets sent to try and capture them with a team but they should totally get to like. Capture him instead, somehow. His orders were vague enough that he can go "well. I mean. contact established successfully, so...?" and allow this to happen (before eventually escaping)

OROCHIMARU ACCIDENTALLY TRICKING HIMSELF INTO CARING IS MY FAVORITE THING EVER!!!

I think they'd have a very hard time of doing this especially since he's near the height of his insanity here, but I mean, if nothing else they really do have the ultimate distraction-- a long lost cousin with ties and extensive stories of Orochimaru's own long dead clan, and also literal time travel, which I'm sure Orochimaru will be all over

Orochimaru treating them like cows before a slaughter is so good actually, thats a perfect way to allow him to care somewhat while still having his own goals, love that!

I need Orochimaru hating bugs comedy just bc Orochinatsu really really likes them, and will often spend hours watching them. They're both making a face and quietly going maybe we arent related after all...? While also looking near identical

Jealous Kabuto is so funny, I love that idea. HES Orochimaru's special little guy, where tf did this long lost cousin of his come from?? I think he should get to have a positive interaction with Orochinatsu and, bc he looks similar to Orochimaru, have an instinctive positive reaction to him before getting really mad ab it bc his brain keeps sending mixed signals of Orochimaru is being nice to you! Wait, no, fuck, it's the other guy >:(

I think the Hatake twins would be a big fan of Suigetsu and Jugo actually, they are chaotic and like to fight and I wish to see ✨friendship✨

Haru, who is genuinely kind of mean and also a fan of violence, thinks Suigetsu should get to have murder, as a treat

Hiro, who is the one who got them into this mess by tampering with the time travel seal, finds Jugo super interesting and may or may not poke him with a stick at first to see what happens and if he goes crazy. Umm something something wolf clan something something animals liking Jugo something something idk is there anything there? That could be kinda funny

If all the time travelers are getting to bond with a member of team Taka then I think Shiruka and Karin should get to interact too. Shiruka is not a mednin and knows only basic first aid but she doesn't need to know any of that to be impressed with the advancements of the future, and I think Karin would appreciate having a captive audience interested in what she has to say

THEM PICKING UP NARUTO IS ALSO FUNNY BC LIKE. They. Do not know what a jinchuriki is. Chakra beasts are legends to them, but also they live in an era where yokai are widely accepted to exist (and probably do, considering chakra beasts also do)

Madara hasn't betrayed the village yet in their time, the kyuubi hasn't been sealed in Mito yet, their interactions with yokai is one of fear and respect they are taught to consider daily

If you tell them Naruto is a jinchuriki, you will recieve blank stares.

If you tell them he is a vessel of a demon fox you will receive a mixed reactions of leaning away cautiously going "someone put a DEMON in that guy? Why???" and leaning forward curiously saying the exact same thing

Oh god, Kakashi's sharingan

Bloodline theft was THE ultimate no-no taboo of the warring states era, they're going to react very badly to it. Someone better explain the situation (someone other than Kakashi tbh, bc they can't reliably believe the word of a bloodline thief to explain that he's innocent. Of course he'll say he's innocent!) to them or else Kakashi is at risk of someone attempting to gouge his eye out for justice on the Uchiha's behalf

@ohai-there YEAHH THEY LITERALLY CAME OUT OF NOWHERE THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS

Maybe if they'd just asked where they came from nicely they'd have answered 💅

Konoha teams sent after them (including Kakashi) finally catch up and Kakashi asks and they just straight up go "Huh? Oh time travel, yeah, wild right?" And Kakashi just. Does not believe them. Assumes he's being fucked with.

Continues on chapter 117

Notes:

Surprise !!! This entire fic was just a façade to trick u into reading about my ocs. Get got!

Chapter 79: Sasuke time travels to warring states era and gets slut shamed for his Sound outfit by Madara

Summary:

this one is so stupid but Im still giggling about it to myself anyways

Chapter Text

Ok new incredibly stupid au just dropped:

"Sasuke time travels to the warring states because reasons" fic but like 80% of the plot is the fact that for some reason he's dressed in that one unnecessarily whoreish orochimaru outfit (or at least smthn similar) and Madara, seeing him looking like a little Izuna clone, fucking full body twitches and begins a campaign that basically amounts to "DONT YOU FUCKING DRESS LIKE THAT WHILE LOOKING LIKE MY LITTLE BROTHER!! COVER UP SLUT!!"

Made potentially even worse/funnier due to different modesty standards of the time

Madara would have cared about him to some extent due to his very obvious mystery relationship to him and Izuna, but smthn ab the very specific scenario of "omg I have a secret lost little brother.... but he dresses like a WHORE." has set him off in ways hither to unseen, and he's now oscillating between threatening to gouge out the eyes of anyone who so much glances in Sasuke's direction and, like, threatening to disown Sasuke for his dishonor (he doesn't even want to be part of your family Madara, fuck off!!)

Meanwhile Izuna, after his initial "omg whore !!!!" reaction, is in the bg quietly squinting at Sasuke and scratching at his chin going "hmmm... he kinda pulls it off tho,, and we do look a lot alike,, and it does seem to throw off his enemies sometimes,, and he really does pull it off,,,,,,,,,, and Im like SO much hotter than him,,,,, hmmmmm,, perhaps,,"

Izuna is about to try out a new tactic to throw off his enemies, just don't let Madara know or he'll be weird about it

(Madara is going to have an aneurism)

(Also I'm aware that his outfit isn't even that bad but we're playing it up for comedy here)

Sasuke ends up activley searching for more and more ridiculous outfits solely because it seems to piss Madara off more than anything he could ever do or say for some reason. If Madara just acted like a normal person he'd stop dressing like that in like literally a week, but bc he keeps losing his mind Sasuke is never not fueled with spite to continue

Chapter 80: Hikaku hours

Summary:

"#hrgg hikaku #my beloved #j need him."
^ accurate chapter summary and also summary of my overall feelings ab Hikaku

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

#hrgg hikaku #my beloved #j need him. #im so tired I should have gone to bed ages ago I got distrscted reading cheating men must die #then even more distracted thinking ab hot secretary hikaku doing the hot secretary thing #su luxia hikaku ....

Reading the chapters of Cheating Men Must Die where Su Luxia is a hot, detached mob secretary and I can feel it changing my brain chemistry. I'm having too many ideas

I need,,, hot secretary Hikaku,,,, mob boss Madara and his dutiful secretary slash loyal second ,,

Just Hikaku in the position of a loyal servant but like I need to dive into his mind and also explore the aesthetic that comes w the territory. I need him. Hikaku my beloved,,

I need to get up for work in 4 hours but I can't sleep I'm too busy being consumed by thoughts of him

I want a fic where Madara tries to court Tobirama but bc court politics + they're both important people he has to at times use a proxy for it, and Hikaku is the proxy. And just like. Kinda third person POV / Hikaku POV where were kind of left to wonder what others are thinking. And Tobirama gradually becomes interested in Hikaku too

And then they kiss or smthn idk

But like that sort of thing while drawing major inspiration from @domoz 's fic 'Hand Over Hand Over Hand' (insanely good fic, cannot reccomend enough, changed my brain chemistry and made me go from really liking Hikaku to being obsessed. It is however rated E so fair warning on that) for Madara/Hikaku/Tobirama hours ,,,

I need more content for that ship in general tbh

Umm anyways something something modern au with mob boss Madara and the Uchiha crime family or whatever but it's told from Hikaku's POV as he acts out the daily life as the world's best mob secretary while Madara goes through the motions of what you would expect of a typical crime family au fic w Tobirama or smthn

(Seriously tho go read Hand Over Hand Over Hand it changed my life and it can change urs too if u only let it)

Notes:

so obsessed with him

Chapter 81: Kakashi and Rin from an AU where Konoha is a whole lot better ends up in canon (the Kakashi's can not stand eachother)

Chapter Text

I need. A fic. Where. Kakashi and Rin from the timeline established in "Ming Fan ends up in Naruto and massively derails the plot" end up in canon. And just kinda fucks around and gives us fun reactions n stuff

As a refresher, that timeline looks like this:

Izuna was first Hokage, Tobirama second Hokage, and Kagami the third

Sakumo was appointed 4th instead of Minato since Ming Fan interfered with his mission gone wrong

Kannabi bridge went unfortunately similar to canon, and Obito fell into Madara's hands.

With Sakumo still alive at the time, Kakashi was able to recover from this without the major personality shift, and due to a combination of Sakumo and Ming Fan's additional training, when it was Rin's turn on the chopping block, she instead survived and now continues to live as the Konoha's second jinchuriki

Obito attacked Konoha with the intention of releasing the kyuubi, and at the time Kushina and Minato were in the Senju compound for the birth

Mito got in his way, delaying him long enough for Sakumo to also arrive

In the fight, both Mito and Sakumo died (fucking thanks, Obito. I don't know if Kakashi's gonna be able to forgive u for that one this time around) but Kushina and Minato survived, and Naruto was born healthy and without the fox sealed into him

Kakashi is understandable devastated, and as recovery efforts begin, he's taken in by Minato and Kushina. He offers little fight against this.

With Sakumo's death, Kagami was once again appointed as the Hokage. After only a year or two of stabilizing Konoha + preparing his successor, he quickly gives Minato the hat, and retreats once again to retirement.

Minato makes Kakashi and Rin both ANBU, expressing his desire to have them by his side (at least this time they're slightly older, with Kakashi at 15 and Rin at 17) and puts them on home guard, specifically as Naruto's ANBU guards. It's an easy job, and helps Kakashi in particular to heal some, even if he gets even more rigid about things like rules and formalities

With Izuna as the first Hokage and Kagami as the third (and technical 5th) Uchiha-village relations were actually very good! Thanks to this, the Uchiha massacre was avoided entirely

Kakashi is raised pretty much as Naruto's very protective older brother, with Rin in a similar boat but she still has her own family so there isnt quite so much trauma fueled dependency from her end.

Naruto grows up to be alarmingly talented, with Kakashi and Rin tutoring him, and Minato and Kushina obviously doing their best (though Minato remains mostly busy due to the unfortunate realities of being a Hokage. Meanwhile Naruto is absolutely a total mommas boy)

Kakashi and Rin end up actually fighting over who gets to be Naruto's sensei (Naruto wants NEITHER OF THEM!!!!! HES A BIG BOY NOW STOP CODDLING HIM!!!!!)

Canon then proceeds mostly the same, though with some very obvious major changes

Somewhere along the way, Itachi is convinced to ditch Konoha even without the massacre, and later down the like Sasuke also follows suit to investigate what happened with his brother— though this time he leaves with orders from Minato to go undercover, and investigate Sound

(fucking THANKS dad!! -Naruto, probably, when he finds this out)

+ also I originally had some vague ideas for the 9 tails jinchuriki Sakura— with both her and Naruto eligible for the role when it times come to pass the responsibility down. Kushina ultimately going with the very selfish choice of not wanting her son to suffer the same fate as herself, choosing instead to vouch for the skilled civilian girl to take on the burden. Maybe incorporate that into it, that could be fun

BUT LIKE. Codependent queerplatonic besties Rin and Kakashi, some time around when they're fighting over who gets to be Naruto's sensei (Minato wants nothing to do with that argument, no matter who he picks someone is going to stab him so he refuses to make the choice himself) — and then somehow wind up in canon

Kakashi is so fun in that au, he's a LOT closer to being the strict, bratty kid he used to be than the lazy, perpetually late slack off we know and love in canon (although, despite his preaching about protocols, he can be alarmingly loose when it comes to bending rules to suit him. Being the special little guy of not just 1 but 2 Hokage's absoloutley made his bad habits so much worse, he can get away with almost anything and he knows it)

He also has some insane unresolved feelings ab his father's death, who is cemented as a hero both in his heart and the hearts of all of Konoha, for both his service and his sacrifice

Sakumo's death wasn't drowned out in the massacre of grief of literally all his loved ones dying in such quick succession, and so it's been given a lot more time and space to fester— Kakashi absoloutley has some revenge type shit going on with the "mystery masked man" who attacked Konoha and killed his father, and Rin stands beside him— having exacted a promise from him to not take on the burden of revenge alone ("that's what comrades are for, Kakashi!")

He can have his revenge quest but only if she gets to come with, you hear!! They probably had some huge blow up fight over it years ago that ended in like, and super dramatic blood pact to do this together. Yay friendship !!! If one of them dies the other will go insane.

Watch your fucking back Obito, if Kakashi becomes too emotional to kill you at the grand reveal, Rin will handle the "overcome by murderous rage" part on his behalf.

Anyways, throw them into cannon !!! Yippie !!!

The two Kakashi's can not look eachother in the eyes without canon!Kakashi developing a rather violent twitch and AU!Kakashi pulling on a face of pure disgust. They are everything they hate in a person and they share the same face. It's very uncomfortable for the both of them.

Having way too much fun specifically thinking ab them reacting to Sarutobi as Hokage— Sarutobi is not and has never been Hokage in their world, they have no idea what to do with this. He's one of the Hokage's advisors, but retired alongside Kagami, so he hasn't been politically relevant in years, not even as Sarutobi clan head since that position recently went to Asuma in their world.

Meanwhile Sarutobi and Danzo are going through all the stages of grief at the knowledge that Kagami was their 3rd Hokage, oh man are they Experiencing Emotions rn fr

That isn't even covering like. Oh hey! Btw! Sakumo was Hokage for a good few years!

(Multiple people looking at this strange, uptight version of Kakashi who very visibly seems to think he's better than 90% of the people in the room at any time: "....that checks out...")

Also!! This Kakashi has never heard people talk bad about his father bc Sakumo's mission never fucked up! The village loved that guy, even after so many years, Kakashi will still occasionally hear murmurs of "if only lord 4th was still around"

He is very much known as and proud of being "the son of lord 4th, the white fang, who died to keep the kyuubi from being released and killing us all"

I'm sure there were undoubtedly some people within Konoha who didn't especially like Sakumo, but even still, theyd never fucking DARE to say anything within earshot of Kakashi. Total death wish, why would u do that?

Obv, other countries no doubt celebrated his death (especially in Suna where he was wildly unpopular and deeply feared) but like. In Konoha? Nah people LOVE that guy, even after so many years.

All of that is to say that if a single person breathes wrong about Sakumo "deserving his death" Kakashi will go fucking insane on their ass. Immediatley. There will be blood. Rin will not hold him back.

Anyways silly Kakashi and Rin snippet time:

"So are you two— dating?"

"I'm out of her league." Kakashi says as simultaneously, Rin replies,

"The only thing that can get Kakashi up is a rule book"

"Isn't that right, Kashi-chan?"

"Can you not??"

"Oh, I'm sorry I forgot only your Kushina-neechan can call you that" Rin teased, and Kakashi turned a shade of red so bright he seemed to glow with it even under his mask.

"I was drunk!"

Rin gave him a comforting pat on the back that did absoloutley nothing to actually comfort him. "And you'll never live it down."

"I would be a great sensei!" Kakashi denied, very much ignoring the immediate noises of doubt and disbelief coming from everyone in their general area.

"You hate children!" Rin accused, pointing a disbelieving finger at him.

"I would be a great sensei for Naruto!" Kakashi corrected himself, and Rin rolled her eyes.

"And then what? You tie up the other 2 and leave them somewhere while you teach Naruto?"

"It'd be good for their character!"

"You were supposed to deny that that's what you'd do that, Kakashi!"

"Well if you like the other 2 so much, then you can teach them! And I'll just take Naruto!"

"He needs a team Kakashi!"

"Sensei said—"

"Sensei said you were a little bitch as a kid and a team is what helped straighten out your attitude."

"He did not!"

Rin sniffed. "Maybe he didn't use those exact words, but—"

"Well a team certainly didn't help your attitude, did it? And besides, you don't even like kids either!"

"Hmph. I'd make an exception, because I'm a good sensei."

I think Rin and Kakashi have genuinley fought exactly 2 times.

One was when Kakashi was spiraling a bit on his revenge quest for his dad and Rin got him to promise to let her in on the revenge so he didn't fucking kill himself alone trying to avenge Sakumo.

And one is their current, very petty arguing over who gets to be Naruto's sensei

(Team 7 ends up having 2 very enthusiastic sensei's, who also end up getting a stern talking to from both Minato and Naruto of all people about playing favorites. It's deeply embarrassing for everyone involved.)

I actually just need Rin and Kakashi very loudly arguing over who gets to be team 7s sensei while canon!team 7 stands there like ??????????

AU!Kakashi and Rin are nagging Canon!Kakashi about how lucky he is to be their sensei. Canon!Kakashi needs them to shut the fuck up and get out of his line of sight immediatley so he can have that mental breakdown he's overdue for

AU!Kakashi is going to cause problems for Canon!Kakashi on purpose. He's looking directly into his counterparts eyes and going "Wow Naruto you look just like ur dad. Who is my sensei btw. Did other me tell me that? You should ask him ab that. Sensei said I'd get to be ur big brother when u were born. Just so u know. Oh hey Sasuke! Wow it's sooo funny that ur on team 7 when I also helped train Itachi. Crazy."

He refuses to be silenced he thinks canon!Kakashi is being a cowardly little bitch and will not take "everyone I know died and I'm incredibly depressed" as any sort of reasoning, he's calling it an excuse and telling Kakashi to do better

(Rin is telling him to slow the fuck down and be nicer to himself)

The Kakashi's fucking HATEEEE eachother it's super awkward for literally everyone around them

Anyways the Uchiha massacre !!! in the AU, the Uchiha's relationship with the village is very good, they're incredibly well respected, powerful, and one of the centermost clans of Konoha. Arguably the centermost clan, especially since the Senju are pretty much all gone now

So the Uchiha massacre being a thing is totally out of nowhere and horrifying to Rin and Kakashi. Like, it would have been even if the Uchiha were in poor standing, but that's like THE clan!!! Holy shit!!! And they're— gone? Dead? Killed in their own homes?

They're both told Itachi did it and kinda uhh. Don't fully believe it.

Itachi did leave the village in their world, but peacefully and for unknown reasons still under investigation (and then there was a ton of fun stuff with Sasuke facing a ton of sudden pressure as the new clan heir) and Kakashi and Rin both knew him, having been on team Ro together, so there's a lot of disbelief at the idea that he could do such a thing

But also like, they are in an alternate dimension. One that honestly? Kind of seems to be the worst timeline to them.

Anyways uhhh also fun playing with the HUGE difference in how jinchuriki are treated in the two konohas— one in which the kyuubi was released and decimated a chunk of the village, and another where Obito was stopped before it was released, + their jinchuriki are known war heroes

(Rin was made into a war hero of her own right, coming back from their mission as the new sanbi jinchuriki. People like to say she bested the demon with her will of fire or smthn, it makes for a great story)

Obv they still face a lot of negative stigma (particularly from civilians) but nowhere NEAR as much as canon konoha. Plus like. One jinchuriki is the Hokage's beloved and popular wife, and the other is a war hero. So.

Rin and Kakashi are hearing that Naruto is the kyuubi's jinchuriki and staring blankly at whoever told them. In their world, Kushina still holds the title, and the clan council is in the middle of choosing who will be the next one (Sakura or Naruto)

Rin can help give him jinchuriki lessons!! They can bond over having demons in them <3

Also thinking about how since AU!Kakashi got more time w his dad, he's a lot more aware of and proud of his clan heritage as a Hatake. He wears his clan mon on his clothes just like his old man used to, loud and proud

It'd be cool if I grabbed a fistful from that other obkk child bride ghost marriage au where Rin survives and Kakashi gets kind of partially claimed by the Uchiha bc of Obito's eye + the ghost marriage

Not the ghost marriage part to be clear (Sakumo would never fucking allow it in a million years) but the "Kakashi kind of gets picked up by the scruff by the Uchiha bc of his sharingan and gets special lessons from them and lowkey becomes an honorary Uchiha" bit. Would give him even more reason to a) be really fucked up about the massacre + know Itachi, and b) approach Sasuke

Also it'd just be fun and super funky, especially for those around him reacting to it

Let him wear a shirt with the Hatake mon on one sleeve and the Uchiha mon on the other, in alignment with his eyes!!! It'll be fun!!! It'll be quirky!!!

(Also, it'd mean he's the special little guy of 2 Hokage's and the most important and powerful clan in Konoha. Even more reason for him to be the way he is. Also: infinitely funny.)

I have a couple more abstract thoughts but I think this has become more than long enough, so I'll stop there. But like !!!! Dimension travel my beloved

Comments

@rosyhatake: Please keep yapping about this im giggling and kicking my feet. I feel so bad for C!Kakashi because Sasuke probably goes on a wild screaming angry rant about having raised a murdering traitor POS! (Kakashi was just on his team leader lil bruh chill out he didn't even see the whole genocide coming) but Sasuke doesn't have anyone to vent his anger to, like he can't blame his parents for raising him but blame friend killer Kakashi for helping raise a kin slayer, feels so right at the moment. I wonder how rin would react to that name, like yikes cold hearted friend killer. C!Kakashi and Gai's friendship though, probably way closer than Au!Kakashi and Au!Gai. (They're so close they retire together in cannon like SIDE EYE BROTHA) Gai confuses Au!Kakashi and him and hugs him claiming that they'll have some random contest since they haven't seen each other in 24 hours :) au!bratty Kakashi SHOCKED™️

@oh-no-its-bird: YEAHHH SASUKE IS GONNA LOSE HIS MIND! Rip C!Kakashi, he woke up not knowing what the day would do to him. Someone give this guy a fucking break, bc the other version of himself sure as hell wont be the one doing it

Rin would be very mad ab the nickname I think, A!Kakashi is probably used to hearing people call him a little bitch (he absoloutley deserves his reputation as a piece of work) but like. No one would ever call him anything like a friend killer, he never killed Rin and while he avoided the major personality shift, he still retained the lesson of "yeah I love my comrades" from Obito's death + his father, who had lots more time with him, taught him well and didnt suffer under the strain of his own reputation being trashed bc he went back for his teammates.

I think if AU!Kakashi heard it he'd just kinda "?????????" like, what crack are u smoking.

YEAH CANON GAI AND KAKASHI ARE SO MUCH CLOSER THAN IN THE AU I THINK! Like, they're still friends! But Kakashi has Rin as his bestie and went through a lot less mental breakdowns that undoubtedly brought him and Gai closer together + he has a lot of other (not as loud) people to exist around. They're buddies! The rivalry exists! However he has a lot of other things and people in his life and the friendship is nowhere near what it is in canon (he probably tries to avoid Gai more often than not, which Rin thinks its funny and will sometimes expose his hiding places for Gai)

Gai tries to hug AU!Kakashi and Kakashi instantly turns into stone actually. Hard reboot, get ur hands off him, his Gai stopped trying to surprise hug him when they were 15 and Kakashi kicked him in the dick bc of a badly timed surprise hug that was a lot more surprise than hug

Chapter 82: (TMA crossover) Michael Distortion in Naruto

Chapter Text

Um. Um. Michael Shelly after Hellen fucking eats him.

And so he's like basically crammed back into a poor imitation of his once human body. The he who once was and the thing he became merging into the poor imitation of a discombobulated man who is no longer human but no longer not human.

And now. Now u drop him in uhh. Naruto. Ninjas.

That's it that's the post.

Idk I just really like Miachel (both as the distortion and the stuff I've seen of him as who he once as as Michael Shelly, he's so cute) I wanna see him fuck around and find out with ninjas. I love my stupid crack crossovers !!!

Let him swing wildly between being semi coherent, passably human and somewhat close to the man he once was— and the distortion now stuck in a body that must follow the rules of physics, unable to reach for the power it once has, throwing a fucking fit because it hurts to be so solid, so one dimensional, so real

Let him wander around in an odd daze, let him sometimes register as human to things that might sense that sort of thing (seals/yokai/bijuu) and sometimes register as something Other.

Let his body be in a constant state of flux as it seems to try to swing back and forth between man and thing, while still being heavily limited by the fact that it is no longer what it one was— and that the spiral does not exist in this world at all.

Anyways: let Michael investigate the Uzumaki and the ruins of Uzushigakure in the hopes that the spiral has left its mark there

The Fears don't seem to exist in this world, or at least if they do, they exist in such a way that Michael can't fucking find them

But if the spiral, or any entity similar to it exists, surely it would be in an island that once belonged to a people named for it...?

Play with yokai existing (though they have been fading in recent years, with the dissapearence of the bijuu, and some no longer believe in them or treat them with the reverence they expect) and Michael very effectively being one in a way.

He still has some power left over from being the distortion, just nowhere near what he once had, and heavily altered by the rules of this new dimension

Thinking that he can get some more power back via feeding off of fear (much harder now that he no longer has access to his corridors. And also bc he can be killed. So.) And also like, being worshipped/honored as a spirit. He's gotta convince some people to build a shrine for him

Oh my god Michael Shelly accidentally becoming god of spirals, pass it on. That'd be so fun

Idk how he'd actually interact w canon or where he'd land tbh, I'm just having fun thinking ab him in general. His fall from power,,,

I love him sm

When he's more human he's a lot nicer than when he's leaning into the Distortion, so I can see him helping someone out just bc. But also like. The distortion is literally the embodiment of "fucking with people for fun and profit but mostly just fun" so when hes less Michael and more Distortion I can absoloutley see him causing problems literally just to cause them

But yeah idk where I'd really take it plotwise. Michael my beloved,,

I need to go read tma fics actually I miss the fandom

Chapter 83: Konoha Sexy Man Sakumo (and how his dads popularity haunts Kakashi for years after his death)

Chapter Text

Sakumo being a super popular borderline sex symbol in his era will never stop being my favorite hc, I need to see more of it

All the people his age and younger had a crush on him. It was just a Thing(tm) where 9 times out of 10, a Konoha shinobi's first crush was probably Sakumo. Even other villages young shinobi hung up his bingo book picture above their bunk and dreamed of both killing him, being killed by him (in a hot way), having a battlefield fling with him, and more. There was blackmarket fanfiction. He was incredibly popular among civilians all over fire country. Some popular romance novels had love interests very blatantly based off him.

Even before they were on a team together, Obito and Rin both had a silly kid crush on Kakashi's dad (Obito more than Rin) and he was aware of it. This did not help make him like them any more. (By the time hearing smthn positive ab his dad would have made Kakashi softer, they'd both gotten better at hiding the crush, so to Kakashi it looked like they'd gotten over Sakumo.) Even Minato had a bit of a thing for him, not really but like— strong, popular, feard and very friendly ninja who is now paying him some attention (bc hes his kids teacher) he's not immune. Kushina understands, she is also not immune. (Kakashi is going to throw a fucking fit)

Even after his failed mission, when his reputation crashes and burns within the village, he still can't completely shake his admirers— they possibly just get more disrespectful ab the attraction when it mixes with the hate. (Which tbh could make for an interesting discussion all on its own)

Kakashi is haunted by his father's insane popularity for decades after his death. He does his very best to ignore the lingering evidence of people being insane ab his father.

One day he realizes one of his favorite romance novels has a romance interest based off Sakumo and has a break down ab it and can never read the series again.

When raiding an old abandoned enemy camp w Team Ro, he finds an old, autographed photo of his dad covered in lipstick marks in the communal bathroom. He chooses to ignore it but it's quickly spotted by his teammates, who do not know who Sakumk is, and v quickly begin to remark on the poster, who this mysterious Konoha nin is, and ahaha damn he is kinda good looking, huh? (Kakashi wants to DIE)

Shisui ends up taking the poster back to Konoha with them and hangs it up in the ANBU communal quarters where it is VERY quickly recognized. And also some of the people in that room recognize it so quick bc they also used to own a similar poster. (Kakashi wants to DIE someone PLEASE kill him now)

Its only when he's given team 7 that he finally thinks he's escaped the legacy of his father as Konoha's Most Sexiest Shinobi. Only for Naruto, when being trained by Jiriyah, to find his drafts for Icha Icha very clearly inspired by his dad. Which he can never publish for multiple reasons (lingering respect for Sakumo. Also for Kakashi, who is his biggest fan and would probably never look at him again.)

Naruto somehow accidentally brings this up with Kakashi who like. Has war flashbacks and immediatley stands up and walks away as Jiryah scrambles to try to explain himself and Tsunade looks on in scorn (she will approach him later to carefully ask for the drafts while trying to seem like she's not really asking for them bc she's too proud to admit it)

Naruto and Sakura discover Kakashi-sensei's dad was a sex symbol. I don't even know how they'd react but like. Oh my god. Oh my god you guys.

Funniest option would be they accidentally revive his popularity a little bit by being so loud ab it they like, remind people ab him. + introduce another generation to the idea of him

Kakashi is crouched on the floor with his face in his hands. When will he be freed from this hell.

Sasuke does not escape tho, he goes to sound and finds a picture of Sensei's dad in Orochimaru's office (???????)

This is such a shitty sketch but the vision:

Itachi, who learned who Sakumo was from that poster thing, goes on to find a photo of him in ""Madara's"" belongings and gets super weirded out but ultimately doesn't. Super care. But also. Like. What. What.

After Itachi finds the photo, which Obito genuinley forgot he fucking had and keeps in part just bc its like one of the only belongings that remained from his Konoha days, he shoves it somewhere in Kamui to forget about.

But then in the Obito vs Kakashi Kamui fight, it fucking flutters down in the middle of the fight and Obito fucking dies of humiliation as Kakashi realizes he will truly Never Escape and that this reality is his own personal hell

Uhh endgame Kakashi becomes Hokage and accidentally retreads his father's path in becoming the new Konoha Sexy Man. Which simultaneously crushes him (he will never escape) and fills him with delight (he will now be able to impart the pain of having your father figure be lusted after by all ur friends and acquaintances onto his students)

First of all, Kakashi is so screwed. Masked faces are 2x more attractive so hiding his face only screwed him over more. Secondly, I think the funniest way to handle Kakashi in this is to have him painfully oblivious at first before very slowly coming to realize what the looks his father gets really means.

A young child isn’t going to know what romance is; Kakashi might recognize people look up to Sakumo and give him a ton of flowers and gifts… but romance? It’s cool people like his dad, he’s excited strong shinobi recognize his dad as “cool.” Then Kakashi is old enough to recognize crushes (and maybe have a crush on Obito), but it still hasn’t hit yet. Subconsciously he might recognize people’s behaviors as weird. He might be cagey or defensive about the subject of his dad, but it’s mostly over the serious stuff.

Slowly, over the course of years, tiny pieces slide into place. Maybe it’s his peers crushing over him or maybe he’s mature enough to overhear drunk gossip. A lot of it is repressed until it suddenly isn’t. The realization hits him like a freight train and Kakashi takes the only vacation days of his entire career to disappear for a week. ANBU training is blatantly used to repress his emotions, and Jiraiya’s books might be a coping mechanism to normalize romance. Years of repressing the issue makes Kakashi horrible at handling the situation and he gets war flashbacks whenever someone flirts with him.

It might be the reason he’s good friends with Gai (who’s only obsessed with Kakashi in a rival way), and Asuma and Kurenai (who are only obsessed with each other). They might be the only people completely immune to the Sakumo craze. Kakashi is traumatized by the concept of admiration because of how deeply ingrained in romance it is in his mind. This is the reason he does NOT want to be hokage. Do you know how many people thirst over the second Hokage? At least ANBU is anonymous, but that won’t stop some high rank enemy shinobi and other ANBU from wanting Hound. Kakashi can’t escape. Sakumo either was similarly haunted by this curse or weaponized it to his advantage, no inbetween.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

HELPP YEAH HES SO SCREWED

Foolish Kakashi...ur first make was being mysterious... dont you know thats ranked as one of the most desirable qualities in a Konoha sexy man?

Kakashi just straight up not realizing people can like. Be attrated to him, romantically and not, is the funniest thing ever. It's giving me ace/aro Kakashi "wait people ACTUALLY have sex?" energy Im cracking up

"wdym people find eachother hot and want to date just bc of that?? I thought that only happened in Icha Icha???"

No but Kakashi looking like his dad is my roman empire fr. He makes the mistake of showing someone his face, and later that person approaches him to try to like, get together, sleep together, idk it doesnt matter. But Kakashi, in a very public place, shouts "YOU ONLY WANT ME BC I LOOK LIKE MY DAD !!!!" and it just all goes down hill from there

@saddramaqueensworld

Kakashi is going THROUGH it

@hibiscusseaart

BORUTO ERA KONOHA SEXY MAN INTERNET POLL IM LOSING MY MIND

The fact that this absolutely exists tho. Like. Kakashi is a famous person and internet is a thing that exists. Theres totally forums dedicated to talking ab whos the hottest famous Konoha guy, for sure. He is topping the charts. Top 5, no question.

The 5th shinobi war is actually started bc people cant agree on the Official Konoha Sexy Man

Do u think theres in universe fan fiction written ab the Konoha sexy men. I think so. This is what I am choosing to think ab rn actually. Kakashi finds the Orokumo fics and disappears for a full week. No one fucking look at him right now. No one fucking talk to him.

(One of his peers is writing an ongoing, still popular Sakumo x reader fic, but it's unknown who the betrayer is.)

@hibiscusseaart 🔄

well now i feel bad for Kakashi. No wonder the second he gave the hat to Naruto he fucked off to honeymoon with Gay. Dude is having Internet celibacy and pretends to be VERY old fashioned guy who doesn't understand these internets and forums (he does and he regrets it)

"but it's unknown who the betrayer is" its fucking orochimaru i just know it. he's writing this fic bc he misses his pookie

@saddramaqueensworld

OMG I DIDN'T EXPECT FOR THIS TO GET WORST FOR KAKASHI.

But hear me out, what if there is really something that happened between Sakumo and Orochimaru that Kakashi realized when he read the ship? Also, imagine the utter chaos of Team 7 protecting their Sensei's virtue and what if someone edo tensei Sakumo?

Obito is trying very hard to convince Kakashi to give him a chance while trying to fight over some of Kakashi's admirers, his students, his friends and GAI.

Comments:

obitobi-simp: The true reason Kakashi was so suicidal

saddramaqueensworld: I want someone to accidentally see Kakashi's face and somehow he follows his father's footsteps. Obito x Kakashi where Kakashi is always reminded Obito has a crush on his dad and couldn't process Obito's crush on him.

oh-no-its-bird: Kakashi very loudly goes "YOU ONLY WANT ME BC I LOOK LIKE MY DAD!!!!" and Obito does not know how to reply to this

saddramaqueensworld: I imagined Obito googling this to search for answers. How to convince his crush that he is genuinely in love with him when everyone knows you used to have a crush on his dad.

oh-no-its-bird: "Hey Siri, how do I convince my crush I like him for him and not just bc I want to fuck his dad?"

saddramaqueensworld: No one can help Obito now. (Kakashi's love life is DOOMED)

pinyuo asked:

bird your recent sakumo headcanon is legitimately the funniest thing i've ever seen 😭

Yay I'm so glad you liked it !! I think the world would be a better (funnier) place if we embraced the true chaos and comedy of officially recognized Konoha's Sexiest Man(tm), Sakumo

Kakashi actually never takes off his mask bc he looks a lot like his dad and refuses to unpack that can of trauma but also bc he refuses to risk people being weird about him too. Tragically a destiny he is doomed to have anyways bc people will never not be normal ab Konoha's favorite Hatake's

Chapter 84: The Hatake clan worshipping the moon (and Kaguya Hime) Also sakumo gets pregnant. Thats it, thats the chapter.

Summary:

ringing my little bell calling forth all the Kaguya/Sakumo shippers from their hiding places with my incredibly stupid takes that somehow spawn fics

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Concept of the Hatake, as a wolf clan, worshipping Tsukuyomi, the moon god, as their god. Alternatively: it'd be incredibly funny and ironic if you leaned into Kaguya-hime as a moon rabbit, being worshipped by a wolf clan.

I have no specific thoughts (yet) bc I also love the idea of the Hatake not worshipping any one god but instead honoring just the vague spirits of the land (leaning into them as farmers) but like. Where's my "The Hatake worship Kaguya-hime" AU where things get really awkward when it becomes clear she's kind of trying to blow up the world or whatever from her prison in the moon.

Zetsu goes to a young Kakashi or Sakumo or smthn for help with freeing his mother bc the Hatake's have worshipped her for so long, so surely they'd help

Or if you have one of those role swap Kakashi and Obito aus, add a bit of flavor to differentiate between the villain, brainwashed, Akatsuki, Madara-impersonator Obito-- with brainwashed, Akatsuki, Kaguya-hime worshipper Kakashi, helping Zetsu, potentially with full knowledge of the eye of the moon plan bc he genuinely wants to free Kaguya.

In an AU like that, maybe Zetsu would be more open with him in general too, like, they share the same genuine goal, and also potentially the love for Kaguya. So I can see Zetsu maybe opening up to him a lot more than he would if he were fr just a puppet. At the very least, they could commiserate about "poor" Kaguya hime, trapped in the moon.

I just think it'd be interesting

#God I fucking LOVE coming up with fake religions/myths #it's so much fun #you can probably see I got a soft spot for KaguSaku #mostly bc I think the idea of Kakashi secretly being a half god and Sasuke's & Naruto's pre-reincarnation UNCLE the entire time is hilariou #also love OP Kakashi #also also love Sakumo bagging God #that man was said to be stronger than the three sannin combined #was a possible Hokage candidate #was possibly assassinated or manipulated into killing himself bc no one but Sakumo could take down Sakumo #and he's the dad of Hatake fucking Kakashi #of course he could bag god #ALSO TSUKUYOMI'S FULL NAME IS TSUKUYOMI-NO-MIKOTO #AND WHAT IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN I THINK IT'D BE COOL/FUNNY #SAKUMO WAS FRIENDS WITH/THE BABYSITTER OF/MAYBE GODFATHER OF UCHIHA MIKOTO #give Sakumo *ALL* the political power #just make him so OP on every front just because you can #Sakumo's classmates/teammates started a Sakumo cult bc it was funny and also how is one guy so perfect like wtf #Sakumo is such a blorbo I love him so much #and he's directly related to Kakashi who is also such a blorbo #I need to find more fics that are just focused on Sakumo #I need to write a fic that's just about Sakumo being a cool awesome BAMF

Sorry but I'm gonna ignore half the post bc I read the first two paragraphs and now can't think about anything else, so you're getting me trying to logic religion instead of Tobi!Kakashi (tho I will say I saw a fic once with the Obito-Kakashi role reversal where they had it that Kakashi was pretending to be Tobirama rather than Madara bc of the hair and smarts and it even fits with the Tobi nickname! It was amazing, don't remember it tho, so sorry.)

Anyway! Here are my Hatake religion thoughts, presented as facts rather than just my headcanons bc I love writing fake facts:

The Hatake do worship multiple gods/vague spirits of the land rather than one specific god, but like a typical pantheon religion where there's a buncha gods, but then there's the one special favorite guy that's in charge of everyone, and to the Hatake, that's Kaguya. Yeah, they worship the gods of plants and harvest and whoever brings the rain, but the Hatake are wolves first, farmers second, so Kaguya, the goddess of rabbits (aka usually the first thing a young cub gets to catch on their first hunt, something something a symbol of coming into their own and becoming their own person as well as a sign of good things to come and that they'll be powerful enough to live by themselves, just lots of good meanings to the Hatake) that also resides on the moon, is their special lil gal.

The Hatake's beliefs are kind of... vague? They don't really have a set mythology, or they didn't in the beginning, because they used to be a bunch of small vaguely connected family units all over the Land of Iron just doing their thing, but they slowly got whittled down to the few that are now left. And each of those units had their own spin on things, ranging from Kaguya being their sworn enemy who was cursed into a rabbit so they could hunt her for all eternity, to more positive stories of Kaguya either always being a rabbit, inventing the concept of rabbits in the first place, or willingly transforming into a rabbit permanently to be hunted by the Hatake for all eternity as a kind of game. (aka go with whatever suits the story, you want bad Kaguya where the Hatake were systematically wiped out by Zetsu bc those fuckers were literally engineered in a fucking lab by God to be perfect Kaguya killers? Want good Kaguya where Sakumo and Kaguya get to be freaky together and have Kakashi be a half god? Whatever works for you!)

Most of them, however, end with Kaguya either returning to her home on the moon right before dawn breaks or being sealed away on the moon by mean people who don't want the Hatake to have their fun ritual hunting game. Very sad. It's a tradition to not eat the first rabbit you ever catch, and instead wait for nightfall before holding it up to the open sky and then burying the thing in the dirt under the moonlight, to show Kaguya that they still remember their old hunts and that no earth rabbit will ever be as great a catch as her. Unless you were part of those guys that didn't like Kaguya, wherein you would wait with your first ever rabbit til nightfall before absolutely ripping that thing to pieces and eating it's heart raw while glaring up at the moon. And then go pray and apologize to Tsukuyomi for glaring at them (the moon).

Back when Kakashi was a kid, Sakumo always burried any rabbits he got, which was kind of extreme when usually it's just the first rabbit you ever kill. Sakumo's only explanation was that they'd never be as good as the first rabbit he caught, and it would be an insult to that first rabbit for him to ever try another.

(Picturing shittily drawn Kakashi frowning down at a scraggly rabbit in a dirt hole thinking damn must have been one good rabbit, rabbits don't even taste that good, meanwhile in the background in full renaissance style oil paint Sakumo is just on his knees absolutely sobbing his heart out at the moon)

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH IDK WHAT TO EVEN ADD HERE BUT I LOVE IT

Rip Sakumo you will never fine a rabbit better than ur first </3

thats so funny tho, Sakumo is fucking going through it at all times

I loveee the Hatake's worshipping not as specifically worship but more as "honoring" a whole host of spirits and gods, it's so fun and I think it plays into them being a more earthy wild clan in a way? If that makes sense? Love it

The nature of spirits is to be ever changing beings that they as humans can not quantify and must give respect to. It isnt their business to understand them or put their stories to paper, only to honor them and what they represent

I think its also fun to think ab how the Hatake's might have reacted / thought ab the caging of the biiju with that fact in mind? Like, theyre all ab the spirits of the land n stuff, ab letting them be wild and free and all that, so what would they think when The Spirits(tm) get turned into tools for humanity?

Idk just fun thoughts

#I love crackfics #I love sakumo

hoes out here complaining about how "son of Kaguya-hime Kakashi" aus dont make sense, bc how and when would Sakumo have the opportunity to get her pregnant when shes trapped in the moon?

Fools. Fools. All of you. Clearly, it would be Kaguya getting Sakumo pregnant with her long range moon magic in his dreams. Obviously.

@hibiscusseaart 🔄

Sakumo just got captured by aliens like in the sims and got back pregnant

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

see no one can tell me this didn't happen bc we see nothing in canon to argue against it. so.

Im fucking crying tho I will fucking pay someone to write a "sakumo gets abducted by aliens (kaguya) and comes back pregnant" I will scream and cry and throw up and lose my mind and then scream and cry all over again. The ultimate crack fic.

The pregnancy lasts only 2 weeks, and the baby is delivered by Tsunade and Orochimaru-- Tsunade immediately going out and getting blackout drunk afterwards in an attempt to forget all about it. Kakashi grows into a full sized toddler in only a few months, and Tsunade has to be relied on again to forge birth documents for him that put him as older than he is fr. Orochimaru keeps asking Sakumo if he can poke Kakashi with needles (he is sadly rejected :( )

Sakumo is going through postpartum depression and also using a spray bottle to spritz Orochimaru like he would a disobedient cat, and also continuing to have weird dreams involving the moon. And also the shadows keep acting weirdly around Kakashi and he can't tell if this is something he should be worried about, or if this is just a "normal" not-normal "Kakashi-thing" (it's Zetsu, here to prod at Kakashi with a stick)

This somehow ends in Sakumo not adopting Zetsu but not. Not adopting Zetsu. (The spray bottle is suddenly working overtime as the amount of people Sakumo has to spritz to get to sit the fuck down and behave doubles)

@hibiscusseaart 🔄

zetsu be like "Omg a baby brother!!! i'm not the youngest anymore!!" 😭😭😭

he also has the same rights as the house cat in the Hatake household

@ohai-there 🔄

Drink for the Moon - Chapter 1 - OHai_Here - Naruto (Anime & Manga) [Archive of Our Own]

@oh-no-its-bird it's finally here

#this is y'alls fault #read the tags!!!! before you read it!!!!

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

I SCREAMED

#IM YELLING IM THROWING UP IM CRYING IM CLAEING AT THE WALLSSSS #THIS WAS SO FUNY I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO SITH MYSELF #I HAVE NO WORDS TO EXPRESS THE OVERWHELMING SMOTIONS I AM EXPERIENCING EN #AMAZING #MASTERPIEVE #IM GOING TO CRYYY

Comments:

pyinn: Sakumo and Kaguya’s ship name is Kagumo 🫡 (God speed Sakumo, good luck handling whatever Kakashi's lineage will end up doing LAMOOOOO)

oh-no-its-bird: thank u my savior

rosyhatake: Um so this is so real. Sakumo was like "wow moon your so pretty." Kaguya blushed and visited him in his dreams and then he woke up and was like wow amazing dream, had the best sex ever. A few weeks later he is kinda sick and goes to the doctor and they're like Sir HOW TF ARE YOU PREGNANT. and he was like IM PREGNANT

oh-no-its-bird: this is canon trust me I was there (I was the moon)

rosyhatake: Real! Imagine sakumo having to apply to maternity leave. And how awkward ot was asking tsunade to check up on him. He's like the virgin Mary, he has no idea who the 'dad'? Is because um he would technically be mom? Sakumo is confused and declares himself parent! Hiruzen denies the maternity request at first because, nice try hatake, men don't get pregnant. Then heavily pregnant sakumo ends up in the tower demanding maternity leave.

onisama-102:WOOOOOOOO MPREG LET'S GOOOOOOOO

oh-no-its-bird: of course this is the post that wakes you up

Notes:

this is so fucking stupid.

Chapter 85: The children of Konoha revolt

Chapter Text

Im listening to revolting children from Matilda on loop for the like 10th time in a row. Got me thinking thoughts.

No one asked me the specifics of how this would work, but like:

AU where the childen of Konoha just fucking revolt. Just straight up say "nah fuck this" and revolt against the entire shinobi system. Tear it down from the ground up by simply refusing to participate, leaving Konoha stranded without an entire generation of soldiers to command

Iruka Mrs.Honey,,,,,,,,

Again: do not ask me the specifics of how this would work or how they'd get there. Maybe in this AU we really lean into the bleak, child soldier side of Konoha? Like, they fucked up by not making the lessons child-friendly enough to keep them distracted w the sparkles and coolness of the shinobi world. Used too firm a hand on their kids, was a pile of explosives just waiting for a matchstick

This somehow gets in the way of the Uchiha massacre bc ofc it does (which also means Itachi gets to join the revolting children let's go)

Make it funnier and bigger, their revolts somehow spread to the other villages. The entire fucking shinobi village system is suddenly facing a major crisis: their children don't want to follow orders anymore.

Make it a "Hey let's unionize the jinchuriki" au too, they're backing up the kids let's go (plus there are quite a few who are children themselves, so that works out nicely)

Lean into like the education differences of (big) clan kids vs (small) clan kids vs civilian kids and the countless restrictions on each class, in and out of home.

You have these like, super repressed clan kids who have never known anything but the blind obedience they've been taught (could especially have fun w the Hyuuga here) but you also have these clan kids who've potentially been told and taught to keep their head down, but like, at home yk they may or may not get to be a real kid— but suddenly they can't be that anymore, bc they have to be a shinobi. And just the clashing educations and spirits of all the different upbringing between them, etc. And how they might rub off on eachother in the worst ways possible (for the adults)

Just. The kids of Konoha throwing a collective tantrum. It'd be funny!

Comments:

thybirbman: It's like "you made hypercompetent children, emphasized teamwork and caring about your fellows as a core attribute of your village, which you instilled fanatic loyalty to, and expected them to never defend each other against you?" All that happened is that they realized the people are the village, WHICH INCLUDES THEM, and you are hurting them, ergo, you are the enemy

Chapter 86: Early Konoha reactions to the Biju being sealed

Chapter Text

Ok so something I'm currently obsessed w thinking ab:

Your every day man in early konoha reacting to the sealing (and arguably enslavement) of the biiju.

But like. Specifically while juggling the idea of old japan, heavily superstitious, yokai exist and we must respect them and their rules / traditions Or Else type energy.

> also bringing into play the idea that after the biiju are sealed, suddenly yokai are so much rarer to see (possibly bc of the giant gaps of chakra out in the world where the biiju were supposed to occupy, killing many yokai bc the balance was thron off or smthn. Possibly bc they're just all scared and retreating from humanity out of caution) so like. POV you trap THE yokai of all time. THE big guys. And suddenly all of the yokai are slowly dissapearing. Not a good omen.

I do not think the sealing of the biiju would be seen as any sort of of good thing by most people. But also he only did it bc Kurama attacked first. But also like. Some people are for sure going "if the kyuubi wanted us dead, it would have been better to only die at its hand, than trap it and prolong it's power and hatred. You have invited Evil into our homes and we will inevitably be punished for this transgression against nature."

Especially thinking ab more wild / nature-y clans like the Inuzuka, Aburame, Orochi, Hatake, who are possibly even more spiritual when it comes to specifically nature spirits vs bigger clans who worship specific gods

Theyre like. This is absoloute blasphemy. It's unnatural. You've meddled with the order of the world. Were all going to die.

Meanwhile like, maybe the younger, more ambitious people are a bit more "woah we trapped a demon !!! Our village is so powerful, now no one can stand up to us!" And on board w it

It could be cool if there's like a genuine divide between people ab it

And then this also helps to herald in this new era of less yokai and a lot more acceptance of using the biiju as tools

For the few surviving elders from the time in later Konoha, it's still an occasional topic of argument. Even if it caused an overall benefit, many still grumble ab it not being right— not bc of the ethics, of course, no one really cares about that. But like. It's unnatural. You're inviting insane bad karma onto the entire village rn. Throwing the karmic balance all the way out of wack. There's almost no fucking yokai anymore clearly u fucking kicked mother nature in the balls.

But yeah just. Reactions of people to Kurama being sealed (and then the subsequent news of more and more biiju also being sealed) while keeping in mind the heavily spiritual culture and traditions of the era

Could be fun

Ok so something I'm currently obsessed w thinking ab:

Your every day man in early konoha reacting to the sealing (and arguably enslavement) of the biiju.

But like. Specifically while juggling the idea of old japan, heavily superstitious, yokai exist and we must respect them and their rules / traditions Or Else type energy.

Theyre like. This is absoloute blasphemy. It's unnatural. You've meddled with the order of the world. Were all going to die.

Meanwhile like, maybe the younger, more ambitious people are a bit more "woah we trapped a demon !!! Our village is so powerful, now no one can stand up to us!" And on board w it

It could be cool if there's like a genuine divide between people ab it

And then this also helps to herald in this new era of less yokai and a lot more acceptance of using the biiju as tools

Could be fun

Comments:

domoz: I have been trying to find a post for AGES (...so maybe i made it up in my mind) that showed a panel from the manga that implied that the Uchiha had built a shrine for a nine taled fox/kurama which has verrrry fun implications

oh-no-its-bird: OH???? O H ?????????????? I am feral actually. I am frantically writing this down actually. Obsessed w the implications of this and immediatley sitting down to incorporate it into just. Multiple fics. Fuck. Slotting it im very neatly w "substitute Uchiha Head Hikaku being among those unsettled by the 9 tails imprisonment" hc

Chapter 87: attic wife Kakashi... ON THE MOON !!!! (or: Kakashi and Hinata get hit up by an alien)

Summary:

Hinata and Kakashi embark on the worlds worst impromptu honeypot mission

Chapter Text

Anonymous asked:

saw your kaguya/sakumo and raise you toneri otsutsuki being in love with kakashi instead of Hinata if only because i think it'd be really, really funny for the team to have to deal with the fact that a sorta god wants their sensei. and also for Hinata. like you go to rescue your sister only for her kidnapper to demand your hokages hand in marriage for her eyes and return. what the fuck do you do.

does this make sense? absolutely not. do i think it'd be funny anyway? absolutely yes.

I have NO idea who this man is but I am absolutely on board, 100000%, I love Kakashi crack ships. Kakashi gets his own space man !!! Good for him!

Looking him up and scrolling through his wiki rn, hes so cute?? I love his design wtf. Very fun story too-- was this a movie guy or part of the actual base anime? I dunno but Im a fan of him now, let him make Kakashi his attic wife, it'll be funny

I do think that objectively, the funniest thing u could do here is start off w the canon of him falling in love with Hinata, kidnapping her, all that-- but then he sees Kakashi and has Thoughts And Feelings(TM) and is now like. Conflicted.

This man does not know what polyamory is (and obviously neither Hinata or Kakashi would be interested either way, probably especially bc the other is involved bc that is weird and uncomfortable) and has never really faced what "love" truly is outside of this little box he has never been challenged ab

So he's like suddenly getting super in his own head ab what is love and if he's "cheating" on Hinata by feeling a certain way ab Kakashi (boy she dont even LIKE you) and he's never experienced sexual attraction before but oh man kakashi is DOIN smthn to him rn and he doesnt know whats happening

anyways he actually ends up getting totally distracted from his goal of killing all of humanity or whatever that's ab, because he then proceeds to kidnap Kakashi to add to his Moon Harem(tm) that he refuses to admit is a moon harem bc he condemns harems and looks down upon those with concubines and or multiple wives. But like thats for sure what he is laying in bed at night thinking ab. Im thinking like comedic christain guilt energy but also he is not christain and a moon man

Meanwhile Hinata and Kakashi are on the worst impromptu field trip of their LIVES and its made extra awkward bc like.

"Oh! Hi there, girl my students age who I occasionally interacted with as a literal child and who also looks up to me! I see that this alien has kidnapped the both of us-- you with the intent to marry and me because I apparently have triggered a concerningly intense gay crisis potentially linked to years of living alone on the moon w nothing but puppets!"

"It sure seems like that, semi-father figure to my boyfriend and also man w authority over me ,who is also almost twice my age, and who I may or may not be getting forcibly, indirectly married to! At least he's too busy having a crisis to remember that 'killing all of humanity' thing...?"

"I GUESS!"

Look on the bright side Hinata! At least you get to be the main wife!

Kakashi and Hinata get to bond over the fucking insanity of the situation and try to manipulate Toneri into letting them go (or, at minimum, encourage him to continue to be too fucking distracted having multiple crisis's revolving around them to get back on that killing humanity thing)

Meanwhile Naruto lost his fuckin girlfriend AND his sensei, this is literally the worst day of his fucking life

#moon gods have a Type™ and its Hatake men #<- prev tags skjdfhjdfkhsdf #preach !!!

Haven’t seen the the movie or ep, so sorry for any innacurracies. I just think this is neat and want to throw my own wrench in.

Hinata doesn’t want to be clan head, she doesn’t want her clan’s expectations and politics shoved onto her. Dating (and marrying) Naruto is her get out of jail free card. He’s world famous and going to be hokage, so even the traditionalist elders approve. But since he’s not a Hyuga, any children might not inherit the Byakugan which is unacceptable for a main branch Hyuga. So marrying Naruto frees her without burning any bridges with her clan. You can even hc this is why she crushes over Naruto in the beginning: marrying a politically important outsider would rid her of the clan’s expectations. Needless to say, Hinata got what she wanted and will maim and kill to keep it. Especially since if her sister dies or if she marries Toneri her clan might re-make her clan head.

Kakashi “will die for an acquaintance” Hatake I can see trying to divert Toneri’s attention. Man is the definition of self-sacrificial. I can see Kakashi treating this as a mission to try and rescue Hinata, through any means possible. It’s weird to see someone you kidnapped flirt with you, but it’s a mental chess game with shinobi. Classically, there’s a lot of assassination attempts and mind games. Also imagine if this is how Kakashi finds out who his mom is. You think Hagoromo is going to fess up? Kaguya during her Zetsu murder spree? Sakumo sure isn’t saying it.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

The worlds worst impromptu honeypot mission ever !!! Or, well, the moons worst ever impromptu honeypot mission, technically

Hinata has basic honeypot training given to all kunoichi, but no real experience bc she was a) too politically important to pressure into those kinds of missions, and b) just not good at them/built for it. So she's never been given any

Meanwhile Kakashi has no formal academy training for it, but has been on multiple successful honeypots-- both as backup for the bait, and acting as the bait himself

Their biggest obstacle is actually just Toneri's own mini conflicts and freak outs over whether this is allowed or not. They're accidentally playing themselves bc if they both try to act like they're pursuing him at the same time, it only winds him up further

Their best bet is probably trying to get only 1 of them to get him to fully commit to them, but this also doesn't work bc if he's giving only one of them attention then he starts to get in his head ab "neglecting" or "cheating" on the other

AND he's a massive virgin loser who, again, has never experienced sexual attraction before seeing Kakashi and is dealing w it by both pretending very hard that it doesn't exist and also trying to keep Kakashi as close as possible + has some strict moral codes ab the rules of relationships and all that. So, the honeypot can literally only go so far before he's fucking booking it from the room to go have a breakdown somewhere else

Kakashi and Hinata have to put their heads together to try to figure out how to seduce him when he seems to be flipping wildly between moods and reactions to their tactics. They have no fucking idea what is going on in that head of his (it's a 10 car pile up in there) and even when their strategies do shake him, they can't tell bc he retreats before they can see the effects

Again tho, look on the bright side! He is very much thoroughly distracted by this fucking comedy of errors and no longer thinking ab destroying humanity. So. Job well done?

Chapter 88: Obito and Rin go on a quest to get Kakashi to relax (and only make him worse)

Chapter Text

Wanna fic where it's like, one of those "Obito came back to Konoha + Rin never died so team 7 is all together as adults" fics

But yk, having avoided mountains of irreversible trauma that would shape him into the slack off bitch boy we know and love in canon, Kakashi is still super up tight and bitchy ab rules n stuff

And the fic itself is Rin and Obito trying various methods to get him to relax (with the end goal of the fic being to somehow shape this Kakashi into the Kakashi we know and love from canon, but like, trying to do that WITHOUT the death and trauma)

Just silly fluffy fun times as Rin and Obito do their best to get Kakashi to loosen up a bit, probably only winding him up more and more through their efforts

They try to get him to get a hobby, like knitting or reading. Only the first book he picks up happens to be a really raunchy romance and Obito's tiny virgin loser mind can't handle it and immediatley declares the whole thing a bust, slaps the book out of Kakashi's hand, and drags him away

They try to get him to smoke. Bad idea, he's wired like a dog so it's like times 10, lasts way longer than it should, and makes him super twitchy/paranoid.

They try to convince him to go to therapy— and when he obviously says no, tries to trick him into having an impromptu therapy lesson w THEM. Which almost works at first but then he looks up from his heartfelt speech and goes "are you FUCKING writing this down rn" and Rin very guiltily puts the diagnosis notebook away

So at first, it's all done in good fun and good faith, and Kakashi even agrees to go along with it a bit bc like, why not. They have a point.

But as each method fails, Obito and Rin get even more into it / weird ab it, and Kakashi gets progressively more and more done with this— till it's basically turned into Rin and Obito competing with themselves/eachother to see who can manage to "fix" Kakashi

(Kakashi is climbing out the fucking window and booking it into the woods)

Kakashi keeps trying to hide behind Gai, only for Gai to turn around and BETRAY him by saying Rin and Obito might have a point ab him needing to try and relax a bit (not the fixing bit tho, wtf guys)

Kakashi ends up hiding in Genma's house bc Genma isn't invested enough in this to comment on the situation

In the end ofc Rin and Obito realize they've gone too far and apologize profusely, and the entire event of having to dodge Obito and Rin's insane efforts have helped simulate the terrible trauma Kakashi missed out on, so he's like. A LITTLE more relaxed. A little. But only bc hes so immune to bullshit now that he just kinda blinks sleepily through it (like he did after Rin and Obito put his entire bed into the middle of a lake while he was sleeping in an effort to show him how to "roll with the unexpected")

Chapter 89: kakashi makes out with half of konoha because of a team 7 plot to see his face

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Special edition Christmas fic where genin aged team 7 decide hatch their newest plot to see Kakashi's face: using mistletoe

Because if they trap him under it with someone, he'll surely have to take his mask off to give them a kiss! ...Right?

(Sasuke thinks this is fucking stupid)

The entire thing is just a fucking slapstick comedy as Kakashi goes "what's the funniest way I can go along with this." And decides he will in fact lower his mask and give a kiss to everyone the kids corner him with. But only when they look away / blink / their view is obstructed

The kids are chasing him around with a string on a stick w mistletoe tied to the end of it, and every time they miss seeing the kiss (and his face) hey scream even louder

Reactions range from "???!?????!?!??????" (Iruka) to straight up passing out (Gai) to laughing hysterically with a bright red face (Kurenai) to just sort of freezing up like a deer in headlights (Asuma)

Kakashi, having way too much fun, makes a shadow clone to pull the Sukea thing again. And the kids get "Sukea" on board, thinking he can take a photo the second Kakashi pulls his mask down for a smooch. Kakashi has WAY too much fun, essentially role-playing with himself and swooning dramatically. Then, at the end, Sukea goes, "Oh no the camera's memory card is gone, Kakashi must have stolen it :((" and the kids all scream in agony

They try to get him to describe Kakashi's face and Sukea gets all coy and goes "umm... its kind of... indescribable?"

(They get another person to try to snap a photo of him but they turn out to be a freezer so they don't take the picture. When the kids harass them ab it they just giggle a little maniacally ab his face)

This does escalate to doing this shit w enemy nin btw. Funniest option is obviously Tobi but I'm also raising u a really freaked the fuck out Itachi looking like an angry, surprised cat after Kakashi gives him a peck on the cheek (Sasuke is gonna fucking KILL HIMSELF)

Obito gets the full makeout session bc its funniest.

He shows up looking for a dramatic fight but like halfway through his villain speech, team 7 dangles the mistletoe over him, and he's so thrown off guard he just kinda "???? excuse me I'm kind of in the middle of—"

Kakashi, who is a) in too deep to stop the bit now, and b) recognizes a good way to throw off an enemy, fucking launches himself at him, pushes Tobi's mask up just enough to kiss, and starts to make out w him

His back is turned to the kids and they're all scrambling to try to catch a single glimpse, but he keeps his back to them as they scream and run around (thus prolonging the kiss)

Kakashi is totally checked out of the actual kiss, this is all fun and games to him. Obito is having a fucking religious experience wrapped in a manic episode flavored internal breakdown topped off with a very loud high pitched kettle noise that may or may not be confined to his brain

This lasts for like a solid minute before Kakashi releases him and readjust his mask, pats him on the shoulder and goes "sorry about that teehee"

Obito just kinda 🧍‍♀️ and they stare at eachother for another solid minute as team 7 screams and cries and throws up in the bg

Kakashi, seeing the opportunity to leave and avoid what was for sure going to be a potentially devistating fight: "cool. So, anyways. Bye lmao." And runs for it w his students

Obito is left tanding still as a statue in the middle of the clearing. After like 20 seconds alone he starts hyperventilating.

Merry Christmas everybody 👍

Notes:

happy holidays yall

Chapter 90: obito into the kakashiverse...

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The following program is brought to u from the depths of the nin-burger server w the help of @ohai-t h ere , who's additions are marked by indented text

Mm. Into the Kakashiverse fic. Many Kakashi's. All the Kakashi's.

Its told from Obito's POV actually and it's just 10k of him losing his goddamn mind over all the Kakashi's

@ohai-there :

huff huff huff

something goes wrong with his kamui and all manner of kakashis come falling out of his eye

Oh my god

Some of the Kakashi's are legit fighting over him and some just don't care

The little yokai kid Kakashi ends up being his guide into Kashiland or smthn idk

Trying to help him get back home

it happens every time obito thinks about kakashi too strongly

there are like hundreds of him within the day

He's thinking ab Kakashi ALL THE TIME

He can't turn it off !!!!

hes just mentally ill like that

Kakashi plague. Its terminal.

....he doesn't want to get better anyways

He is surrounded by infinite Kakashi's. Kakashi no jutsu

thaats so real of him,,,,

He can summon bunny suit Kakashi at a whim

bunny suit kakashi is the most often summoned...

You know that "go for it XXX!" Draw ur character here meme?

That but it's "go for it Obito!" And all the Kakashi faces are different Kakashi's from the ✨ Kakashiverse ✨

Ok so um. Um.

Yokai kid Kakashi borrowing from @ohai-there's design. Who's a little dimension hopper, who also lost his dad (who is also a dimension hopper)

And he's like. Hopping from world to world looking for his dad, right? And whenever he world hops he usually goes to that worlds Kakashi for help / bc Sakumo might be w him

And somewhere along the way he runs into our Obito and somehow gets Obito to agree to help him (the why and how doesn't matter)

But now it's Obito on a multiversity journey lead by a little yokai kid kakashi. Meeting all these different versions of Kakashi and losing his mind ab it

I'm picturing the actual dimension travel as like. Wandering down a dark corridor between worlds with kakashi holding a lamp, guiding the way

(Easy for Obito to wander off the path and get lost and end up in a new world)

Kid Kakashi is pouting and going "you're supposed to help me find tou-san!! Not get lost yourself >:("

Maybe Sakumo lost his own lamp which is why Kakashi is looking for him, he's presumably lost his guiding light back

like its so dark that obito's brain starts making up The Horrors while little kid yokai kakashi is just

:3

as they walk

YES. PERFECT.

"Don't look in the dark too long, your puny mortal mind won't like it"

poor sakumo,,,

he lost his kid and now hes lost himself 😔

There's a metaphor somewhere in there ab Sakumo always losing himself no matter the circumstances/world

fr

bro cant get a break

and kakashis always the one picking up the pieces 😔

Thinking . Whatever kind of yokai they are can access the path between worlds + are (mostly) immune to the horrors that lurk there

But their family has the special lamps that they need to actually know what they're going, so without that it's fucking useless to try and get wherever ur going, you will be lost forever, never able to find the world u want to find

You can stumble out into other worlds and all but like.

You have no control of it

And there's a decent chance you'll get trapped in the dark anyways so it's best to just stay put in the first world u find

Which is presumably what Sakumo's doing

thats so real of him

u know how u tell children if ur lost just stay there and ur parents will come find u

Its that but opposite

Dw Sakumo, Kakashi will find you! Hopefully.

hopefully,,,,

+ 1 obito

Kakashi following little broken fragments of his father's shattered lantern where Sakumo's made a path of where he's been

Following the breadcrumbs,,,

+1 obito! Can't forget him!

what kind of a universe is sakumo waiting in....

Kakashi is living in a grim dark fairy tail ab following the magic breadcrumbs to find his missing father he's been searching for for a long time now

Meanwhile Obito is living it up in a moderately horny crack fic eyeing up bunny suit Kakashi's and having a seizure over a world where Kakashi is in love with him and comes on real strong when they bump into eachother the first time

the genre is a matter of perspective fr....

also obito being sooo tempted to want to stay in the universe where kakashi loves him so openly

but then little kakashi just :(

obito: 😬 shit. ok let's go

Obito has Kakashi's THROWING themselves at him but he can't abandon babykashi's quest 😔

But later..........

later,,,,

Surely he can come back with kamui

Surely

OBITO KAKASHIVERSE SEX TOUR AB TO HIT UP EVERY OPEN AND WILLING KAKASHI IN THE MULTIVERSE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ ‼️‼️‼️

🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️

hes keeping a mental note of the path he had to take!!! of the vibes of each universe!!!

He had his sharingan ON when tracing the paths between worlds

And yeah, maybe he burned some of The Horrors Between Worlds into his brain forever bc of it. But you know what ELSE he burned into his brain??

IT WAS WORTH IT

what time obito is it too

post war??? he manages to survive somehow??? Or like when hes still doing his tobi thing

Tobi I think just bc hes at his most insane ab Kakashi

Peak humor and internal turmoil

based af,,,,

Tobi is being mistaken for the worlds real Obito in a world where Kakashi and him are married and just going w it. Yes, it is he. Ur husband. Who u married. Bc u are in love with him. And married. (Distant screaming noises)

Actually. Completely unrelated fic where Kamui allows Obito to dimension travel and he uses it to go to a dimension where him and Kakashi are married. And then he fucking murders the Obito there and takes his place, the end

Waaa art time!! Ohai also drew their own (honestly insane, beautiful, and tbb kind of stunning) piece [HERE] which you should look at immediatley.

Um. Um. Something about how Kakashi and Sakumo wear smthn over their eyes. And like how they're immune to the whole "Witnessing the horrors between worlds" thing. And like. Idk, implications there.

Are they truly immune to the horrors or is it the talismans on their faces that protect them? Who knows

immune to the horrors but also not immune to being lost without light

I'm gonna throw up !!!

Maybe the real lantern......was the light they made along the way........and when Sakumo lost his light....it was bc he lost kakashi...or smthn...

Is the lantern a metaphor for the will to live

It might be, who knows

kakashi wont lose his lantern as long as hes trying to find his dad,,

UGH!!! He starts to give up and his lantern cracks a little

STOP UR MAKING ME WANT TO MAKE THIS AN ACTUAL FIC WITH NAARATIVE I CANT DO THIS

Anyways. Final thoughts :

Obito living his best life in this one.

Notes:

I recently made a naruto community discord server, so if you like naruto or like the silly aus I post here you should consider joining it or smthn
[JOIN THE SERVER HERE]
It's mostly warring states character + Kakashi focused, but there's space for everything and everyone
I often post snippets of chapters while Im writing on there, so, there's that too

Chapter 91: Madara refuses to believe Tobirama can have hobbies

Chapter Text

Ok so. Fic where Madara finds out Tobirama is into floral design.

He's the senju clan heir and his brother is the mokuton user, he knows all the flower meanings. He couldn't kill a plant if he tried.

So Madara finds him in his little flower garden room in his house, and tries to make fun of him at first bc floral design is a "womans hobby." And Tobirama just kind of dead eyed stares at him till Madara gets awkward and clears his throat and then tries to insist "oh but of course you uhh. Have other motives for this hobby Im sure."

Tobirama just kinda turns back to his pretty flowers and goes "no actually, this is purely for fun for me. I need something to relax."

and Madara, now suspicious and also very sure in the fact that theres no WAY this guy knows how to relax, is kinda "uhuh. sure. So what, the flowers are poisonous or something?"

Tobirama ignores him.

Over the next few days, Madara begins to spiral as he tries to figure out why exactly Tobirama has this garden bc he can NOT just grow and arrange flowers for fun. Impossible. Madara refuses to believe it.

Tobirama begins to show up to the tower with flowers in his hair. Madara is convinced he's being mocked. (He is.)

Madara breaks into Tobirama's house to steal a flower to check if its poisonous or maybe has medical properties or smthn. He researches flower meanings to know if maybe theres a code hidden in the flowers being grown. He goes as far as to research Senju religion bc maybe they have some sort of religious meaning then???

He can't just be growing them to grow them! The Senju is allergic to doing anything purely for relaxing or fun!

But the flowers come back as non poisonous and the meanings come back as ultimately nothing/irrelevant and the religious imagery is nonexistant

Madara slams his hands on Tobirama's desk and hisses that he's on to him. As Tobirama continues to stare at him blankly and go "you seem oddly invested in my 'womans hobby.' Perhaps you're interested in a arranging some flowers of your own?"

(......the flowers were poisonous. This is Tobirama's poison garden, he switched the flowers out when he knew Madara would start stealing them to look into. He would have fessed up but the womans hobby thing pissed him off, and then Madara continued to make such a fool of himself ab it he just committed.)

He really is allergic to doing anything for pure fun/relaxing, there must always be some sort of underlying purpose.

Chapter 92: Jinchuriki and biiju thoughts

Summary:

onisama-102 asked:
*wiggles seductively* hi birb, what are ur thoughts on the tailed beasts + jinchuriki
@oh-no-its-bird replied:
Woah Oni how did u get in my asks box
UMMM TAILED BEASTS AND THEIR JINCHIRUKI OK LETS SEEE

Chapter Text

onisama-102 asked:

*wiggles seductively* hi birb, what are ur thoughts on the tailed beasts + jinchuriki

Woah Oni how did u get in my asks box

UMMM TAILED BEASTS AND THEIR JINCHIRUKI OK LETS SEE

I've had (and posted about) a few scattered thoughts ab both the tailed beast and their jinchuriki before, so let's see what I remember off the top of my head

I think Utakata is contender for my favorite Jinchiruki— we don't see much of him but what we do intrigues me. I'm a sucker for a man in slutty, slutty robes and his bubble ability is both interesting and cute to me. I wish there was more content for him

Other than him tho, Gaara is ofc, fucking amazing as a character. I think his entire situation is a great example of the lengths people will go for power, and how willing some parents are to destroy their own children in the hopes of power.

Its a theme that fits in very interestingly specifically in the earlier chapters of naruto, when we are seeing the shinobi world from the shiny eyes of children, who think the whole thing is "cool" and treat the many tiny tragedies and traumas of the adults around them as much more lighthearted than they could be read as. Idk, it's fun to think about

I know we all joke about how "oh its stupid of people to have mistreated the jinchuriki, they're literally walking nukes just be nice to them omg ur signing ur own death warrant rn" but it's easy to see in text why people are so scared of them— especially civilians

They're walking nukes! They have demons in them! The propoganda machine works overtime to make people fear jinchuriki, both on purpose (other villages fear mongering) and just due to natural cultural beliefs (literal demons in rural Japan. The fear writes itself.)

I do think there's an interesting middleground there of like. A jinchuriki being treated with kindness literally only out of fear. Which is still better than blatant abuse, but also still fun to think of the ramifications of being raised like that

I think it's also interesting to see the difference of how many jinchuriki were treated in their villages— some for sure got it worse than others, even if there was a solid through line between all of them of different degrees of "people are scared of me and no one fucking likes me"

I do wish we'd gotten more of the jinchuriki's all together, I love fics where they get to come interact together as some sort of messy family.

Similarly, I love the biiju as just. The world's most dysfunctional family. They are so fun as characters, most of them just want to be left the fuck alone but have no issues with flattening humans if they come too close and I love this for them

I think the relationship between biiju and their jinchuriki are so fun, they are both victims here, they are both justified in hating eachother. But if they are able to overcome that hate and get along— its just really interesting to see. That takes some real strength, on both their parts.

A human trusting a demon, a demon trusting a human. Its desperation that got them there. Desperation and exhaustion and a wish to be free.

The tragedy really writes itself

I've read several fics that take an angle of "since the biiju were sealed, the natural balances of the world have been thrown out of wack" where they'll have things like nature getting more violent or common yokai having dissapeared in the years following the biiju's sealing

I think that's super, super fun and I personally like to use the hc of "yeah no, yokai were super common like ~60 years ago but then Hashirama sealed the Biiju and they all just kinda of dissapeared in the following years. Almost like they sensed the absence of the big spirits and went into hiding in response"

Super fun! Instantly adds several fascinating implications about the naruto world and how it works and how the biiju interact with it by just existing

I also love, love, LOVE to think about the initial reactions to the biiju being sealed back in early konoha. Bc like. Ok so you have this culture, this Japanese culture, that largely revolves around the spirits and respecting them in the hopes that they will leave you be. Generations of people raised with the rules of "leave yokai the fuck alone"

And then you go and have your leader seal one of THE biggest yokai inside of his wife.

The bad karma is off the fucking charts. I refuse to believe everyone just nodded and went "wow what a great idea! Nothing bad could possibly come from this!"

No, no, there were for sure different camps of people who were different levels of horrified / disgusted / terrified / etc.

I think maybe the younger, less superstitious, more ambitious and power trippy people might have been some flavor of pleased, while the older more superstitious people just. "Oh god what have you DONE what have you LET INTO OUR HOMES!!??!"

I imagine that in the following year, Hashirama had to work overtime in appeasing people for fear as whispers of "this village was a bad idea, look now we've gone and angered the kyuubi. He will break free and kill us all and we'll deserve it for being such fools as to try and keep him sealed" grew louder

I remember someone told me that in the manga, we got a couple panels of where it looked like the uchiha had made a shrine to the fox after Kurama was sealed? Which just. Fascinates me. Because it shows that there was some sort of effort made to presumably appease him, which, again, oh man the implications

And then ofc Hashirama goes and gives all the other villages the keys to getting their own Biiju. And people start to fucking hunt them.

And then all the yokai are dissapearing and the bad omens are only getting worse and—

Well, you get the picture.

Anyways, yeah. Early Konoha and general shinobi world reactions to the biiju being sealed fascinate and delight me in equal measure. There's so much room there for practically anything ur gay little heart desires

Oh on that topic, I think it's also interesting to think ab like. Maybe at first, the jinchuriki were genuinley revered. Again, like, culturally, most people are gonna see (especially big) spirits and start trying to appease it so it leaves them the fuck alone, right?

So just. Thinking ab how at first, the jinchuriki were treated with largely (terrified) respect. Especially when they were no doubt first put into already respected and powerful people.

And then, yk, time passes.

People get more used to the idea of jinchuriki as less "honored demon containers" and more "demons themselves."

Jinchuriki are placed into children. Jinchuriki are used in the war effort. They're given names. Faces to fear. People who have killed loved ones— put into bingo books besides other shinobi, just another man to fear.

Theyre... human.

(Theyre hated.)

Most yokai aren't around anymore, and while many still give their respects at shrines and crossroads, its not with the same urgency and genuine belief as before. Many of the new generation pay no respects at all, and the lack of consequence from the still gone yokai does nothing to convince them to start

It becomes easier and easier to let the "terror" to win over "reverence."

Anyways just. The changing of attitude towards jinchuriki as they become more normalized as just another person over the years. Also something that's fun to think about

Anyways that's what I got, thanks for stopping by my ask box Oni, love u

Chapter 93: Jiraiya/Orochimaru ask

Chapter Text

Anonymous asked:

What do you think of Jiraiya/Orochimaru?

I'm a fan!! Its not my main thing (the potential of Sakumo and Orochimaru honestly interests me more) but I do love to see it

I think it's most fun when it's unrequited / they just never get together. The tragedy of it is what really sells it to me, very fun, these bitches are not allowed to be happy

My all time favorite take for them, coming from Plasticity by @mixelation (which is also great read in general, highly reccomend), is basically when someone (Tori) notices;

"Hey do you think it's weird that in so many Icha Icha (especially the older ones written around the time of Orochimaru defecting) the main love interest is a busty blonde and the secondary love interest is a more flat chested elegant woman with long black hair who usually turns out to be evil in the third act, making our beloved main hero spiral over the betrayal? But also not before they fuck, like, a lot?"

Then ofc proceeds to have a minor breakdown about it because NO ONE WILL LISTEN TO HER DISCOVERIES BUT SHE KNOWS SHES RIGHT!!!!!!!!

Anyways this is hilarious and I hold onto this hc with both of my hands, Jiriyah ABSOLOUTLEY wrote thinly veiled porn about Orochimaru in multiple Icha Icha in order to cope with what he was going through at the time— though whether it was subconsciously done or on purpose, who knows. I think somewhere inbetween but he's in denial about it

Anyways yeah, Oro and Jiriyah, I'm a fan. There's lots of potential there, lots of angles that make it interesting.

They're childhood friends.

They fought in (and helped to win) the second shinobi war together as a team.

They abandoned eachother but while Orochimaru did a much more thoroughly abandoning, Jiriyah did leave him first.

Jiryah is a straight male stereotype who sexualizes anything in a skirt while Orochimaru has his whole gender apathy girlboss thing going for him and ends up in Boruto presenting as fucking housewife goals.

Jiriyah could be counted among the "best" characters of the series, from a moral standpoint, while Orochimaru among the worst.

Jiriyah devoted himself to listening to the prophecies of the toads while Orochimaru can be argued as running away from things like fate and prophecy in his mission to thwart death and become immortal.

And then there's ofc Tsunade, who even if we aren't talking ab here, I feel like has to be mentioned in some way just bc of the massive impact she's had both on their lives and on their dynamic. Having her around adds a whole new generational trauma wrench into the machine

Anyways yeah, I'm a fan. Very fun!!

Chapter 94: scrooge Madara is haunted by the ghosts of christmas (Hashirama, Tobirama, and Izuna)

Summary:

Wahh christmas special time (weeks after christmas)

Chapter Text

Scrooge Madara being haunted by the spirits of Christmas past (Hashirama) Christmas present (Tobirama) and Christmas Future (Izuna)

Christmas past Hashirama comes to him all joy and cheer and is like "aww Madara don't u remember how we had the best christmas' together ever 🥺"

And Madara is like "yeah then your brother fucking murdered my brother on CHRISTMAS EVE and it kind of ruined the mood you giant fucking jackass."

And Hashirama is like "but he said he was sorry :("

"No he did not."

So then Christmas present Tobirama shows up. And Madara is like "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!" and Tobirama rolls his eyes and teleports them to the Uchiha compound, but invisible

And he makes Madara watch scenes of his whole clan celebrating w/out him and is like "no one fucking likes ur nasty ass. Bitch."

And Hikaku, because Hikaku is that one worker guy w the sick kid (Kagami) Scrooge fucks over, is like "omg guys...Madara is just going through a rough patch, ok... I promise he's a good guy..."

And then Madara is like "omg Hikaku..the only real one..."

But then everyone starts laughing at Hikaku and it was actually sarcasm and Madara is kinda really fucked up ab it, actually. But Tobirama is still like, RIGHT there so he keeps betrayal internal. But like. He's upset fr fr

So then a hooded mystery Christmas Future tries to warn Madara of the coming destruction of the clan that his bitch boy, Christmas hating ways will lead to. And Madara is like "??? Kill yourself ??? Please god holy shit just leave me be"

And the figure is like, sick of his shit, so it gives him the "Suddenly this is a horror movie and here is your grave" treatment. And as Madara dramatically trips and falls into his own grave, the figure removes its hood to reveal it was Izuna, and he's like "fucking get over urself nii-san"

And Madara is like "???????" And Izuna just kinda gives him a peace sign and dissapears

And oops, guys don't think this is a scrooge au anymore I think it's just an of the senju bros + inexplicable Izuna harassing a grieving man, rip

But anyways then Madara wakes up in a cold sweat. And it was all just a dream (ooOOoO or was it)

But instead of being into Christmas actually the whole thing just pissed him off monumental and caused irreversible damage, actually

And anyways that's how Madara defects from the village.

The end.

(In the distance Tobirama is dropping his ghost jutsu and going "are u sure this was a good idea anija?"

As an excited Hashirama, preparing a surprise Christmas party for Madara, goes "ofc it was!!!! Im sure it put Madara in the perfect (forgiving) mood for this surprise :D"

"Well. It did irriversably traumatize me as a child when Chichuie did this to me" Tobirama points out.

Hashirama waves him off "idk what u mean!! It totally helped you!! Look at you now, youre so well adjusted about Itama's death day which is also on ur birthday which you inexplicably hate celebrating for unrelated reasons Im sure!"

Tobirama twitches, but does not argue.)

Chapter 95: Madara vs Tobirama: Hokage office fight eddition

Chapter Text

Wanna see a stupid Hokage office fic where Tobirama and Madara just fight eachother in stupid and petty ways. But like. Stupid and petty ways for ninjas.

Someone makes a mess in the break room fridge so Tobirama installs a lock on it. Madara says this is fucking stupid for multiple reasons, but Tobirama insists it's the principle of the thing.

They argue, and Tobirama begins to put locks on more and more increasingly stupid things, specifically to fuck with Madara.

Madara, of course, keeps breaking them. They're shinobi, locks mean nothing to them. He could just pick them, but breaking them is more satisfying. Tobirama replaces the locks every time he looks away

Tobirama watches him break his 7th lock that day with a stone cold face.

Finally Madara breaks one of the locks only for it to electrocute him so bad hes left literally smoking.

Tobirama told you to stop breaking his locks, Madara. He warned you.

So now Tobirama is boobytrapping the locks, both in traditional ways and seals. Memorable mentions include him somehow setting up a giant boulder to fall on Madara's head after he broke open the door to a storage closet, a poisonous gas that put him to sleep (so Tobirama could ridicule him about sleeping at work) and an entire hallway rigged to throw paralysis needles.

Meanwhile there's also the collateral that is the rest of the office tripping over this shit. Several people have ended up in the ER.

Both Tobirama and Madara only scoff and say something about how it's a skill issue (till an Uchiha gets caught in the crossfire by pure chance and suddenly Madara is ranting and raving about how the unsafe work environment is against everything he stands for)

Hashirama begs Tobirama to stop, but Tobirama says he's just helping increase the security measures of the Hokage tower. Madara says the only security risk at this point is HIM.

So. Madara, ofc, begins to retaliate with his own traps. As you can imagine, things only go downhill from here

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

This guy gets it

Chapter 96: (TOWTV crossover) Thorne rants + Thorne gets tossed into Naruto

Summary:

Thorne tries to free Kurama,,,,, He sees people scared of the fox and is like "oh no...demon racism strikes again... this poor guy...."
And Kurama goes "yeah lmao, it was the racism. I pinkie promise I didn't flatten like half the village twice."
(god I love my cat coded demon shopkeeper wife)

Chapter Text

Anonymous asked:

FELLOW THORNE FAN SPOTTED????? i love him sm his funny little reactions get to me everytime

YESSSS I LOVE THORNE SO MUCH HE IS SO SILLY AND SO CUTE AND SO STRESSED!!!! I love when he does his little cat eyes,, he's so fucking cute, and his reactions are always so funny

My wife,, the village people also agree he is cat coded, which fills me with glee

HE CARES ABOUT HIS PEOPLE SO MUCH HE'S SO COMMITTED TO THE VILLAGE AND ITS PEOPLE AND ITS CHILDREN ESPECIALLY I LOVE HIM SM!!

HES LITERALLY HAD THE GOAL OF JUST HELPING HIS FELLOW DEMONS SINCE HE WAS A CHIILLDDD PLS ALL HE WANTS IS FOR HIS PEOPLE TO BE SAFE

I love him SO much, he is The Favorite, I think. I wanna add more photos of him but Tumblr is maxing me out at 10. But like!!!! He's so cute!!!!!!! I need to see him go through The Horrors.

Anyways take this from my notes app:

I think Thorne would be funny to put in Naruto bc he is, at his heart, just a guy. Just a silly little guy who has skill in like, management and selling things. And running a village, actually, which could be interesting in itself to squint at w Konoha.

But he's also like. A demon. A demon w little to no skill in battle who would probably die miserably in like all of 1 second if tossed at literally anyone in Naruto.

But also like, he runs a magic shop! What the fuck, that's cool.

I started daydreaming ab him being tossed into Naruto before we got the confirmation that he didn't really make (at least the main potions) he sold. But also like, canon is what I wish it to be, so it'd be cool if he did make some of those potions and trinkets, or at least had their recipies, so.

But also we could just toss him a bag of holding or smthn filled with some of his stock. But also it could be fun to just play w him trying to make his usual things and trinkets but like !!! Uh oh !!! The magic (chakra) here is totally wack !!! Now he has to find out how to adapt his potions recipies for the magic in the air, and they keep coming out weird / stronger / weaker than usual...

But ummm demon guy with -5 stats in fighting trying to scrape by undetected in Naruto world while operating a magic shop, while waiting for Remillia to hopefully come save him (which like, she would. Bc she's Remillia and literally not even god can stand in her way) (hes going to get fucking demolished the second any ninja so much as catches a wiff of him)

He ends up adopting Naruto bc ofc he does.

Demon connection!!!!

The kids in the demon village seem to love Thorne, and he has an advantage w Naruto too bc like. Baby Naruto being shunned by the village being adopted by an ACTUAL literal demon from the demon realm.

Would pay to see it tbh.

Thorne tries to free Kurama,,,,,

He sees people scared of the fox and is like "oh no...demon racism strikes again... this poor guy...."

And Kurama goes "yeah lmao, it was the racism. I pinkie promise I didn't flatten like half the village twice."

Actually tho. Thinking. Bc in TOWYV, demons dealt with the Frenzy curse, which'd make them go totally berserk and literally eat even their loved ones. So Thorne might actually have some context to legitimately empathize with Kurama ab being controlled by the sharingan to flatten Konoha that one time. It's a similar fear he shared with pretty much all of demon kind, not so long ago. (Even if Kurama cared less about the being made to kill people than loss of control)

Idk, could be interesting

Ummm final thoughts: read The One Within The Villainess

Anonymous asked:

Yeah!!! when i first saw the whole "Thorne in narutoland" i though he was such an amazing pic because of his side-role of simply reacting to the wacky shenanigans around him. Ok, mainly just the absurd stuff Remilia will say (& do) but shhh

like imagine if he just got a costumer service job just to make a little living and it turned out to be a popular stop for ninja, he gets to overhear all sorts of crazy stuff. & get insanely peeved over how the village is run. What even are the priorities??

I can also imagine Thorne getting insanely confused over how others with demonic features (bloodline limits) get treated better than Naruto. Is there a strange & mysterious hierarchy going on?

Also i can totally see a demons resistance towards the miasma play into nature chakra or maybe genjutsus!!

YOU !!!! YOU GET IT! !!!!

I love Thorne so much, I'm always such a fan of characters that amount to "literally just a guy" (bonus points if they're visibly stressed) when it comes to casts of very impressive / important people, and he totally falls into that. My baby girl. My wife. I love him.

Live Thorne reaction is my favorite thing ever, he is doing a wonderful job both running the village and also standing there and looking pretty then reacting with appropriate "h u h ?" reactions every time Remilia declares her newest absolutely batshit insane venture.

"Bye Thorne, Im going to go kill a god now <3"

"Ahaha. Of course you are. Doing that." <- (looks like he's about to have a heart attack)

I think it's also interesting how like. Aside from the understandable shocked reactions, Thorne really does just. Keep rolling as he takes the punches.

Remilia killed a god? Hey, what the fuck! Life moves on tho, he has a village to run.

The star maiden has secret plans to lock him in a dungeon and turn him into her personal potioneer? Cool! That's going to give him nightmares now! Time to just refuse to unpack that and be glad it didn't happen.

Remilia pulls him in to a meeting with The Demon King to create a steady trade deal between realms, with him as their spokesperson on the villages end? Well he's sweating fucking bullets and feeling very out of place, but this might as well happen.

Thorne is my favorite king of "this might as well be my life", I love him dearly

Anyways I came here to talk about Thorne in Naruto so uhhh

I would fucking LOVE to see him in naruto. Obviously yk, like I mentioned before in my other post ab this, Thorne is a demon! He is a demon from the Demon Realm! He is a demon from the demon realm who helped to build a village mostly from the ground up, yes with Remilia's backing but like-- she was busy fighting gods and preforming miracles across the country side while he did the heavy lifting of day to day village management.

So like. Hey. A demon man with experience and genuine passion in running a village? In fucking Naruto? Instantly, so much potential.

HIM GETTING MAD AB HOW THE VILLAGE IS RUN IS SO FUNNY ACTUALLY. Thorn is crossing his arms tutting disapprovingly as he squints at the different aspects of shinobi and civilian life as they're managed by the rules and regulations of Konoha.

Thorne himself is a civillian, so it'd be interesting to see how he views the systems of Konoha from that lense. Konoha is a shinobi village and Thorne straight up doesn't even know what a shinobi is, so the whole system probably reads as really weird for him from the beginning

ALSO YOUR SO RIGHT AB THE BLOODLINE THING CONFUSING HIM AND THATS SO FUN

The thing is like. Literally who and how is Thorne supposed to figure out that no, none of these guys are demons. Yes, that includes the visibly not human looking people. Yes, some of these people using the title of demon as an insult. No, they are not actual demons.

Thorne is so fucking confused and has little to no real way to actually piece together that everyone around him is human. He could just ask, obviously, but that'd be a weird fucking thing to do and Thorne was raised on a fear of being killed for being what he is.

And even tho he's able to walk around (in his own world) as a Known Demon now, by the time he realizes everyone in this new village thinks he's a fr human-- well, he's already seen some villagers talking about "the demon fox" and throwing things at Naruto for being a so called demon.

So.

He has quite a bit of motivation to be on his fucking tippy toes ab this subject

And obviously yk, it's not like he can just crack open a random book and read out "ah yes, this world is populated by humans, and demons-- known more commonly as yokai, also exist and are seen as proper monsters and are also super rare and just about never take human form" like. What kinda book just reads that

Anyways all of this is to say that Thorne has a proper Situation to figure the fuck out and by the time he even realizes that there is a situation to figure out, he has more than enough reason to be fucking scared of what might happen if he fucks this up

Anyways uhh.

Having fun thinking ab things like seals and talismans and stuff designed to target biiju and spirits also affecting Thorne. Where would Thorne fall, as a proper demon from another world? He isn't quite a spirit, not really, but he certainly isn't anything human.

I think it'd be fun if he registered as some sort of yokai, which also pings him on the radar of the biiju.

Let's go with the hc that yokai used to be super common in the warring states, proper mideval fantasy japan where spirits lurk around every corner and you must always be mindful of your surroundings. But then the biiju were sealed, and suddenly yokai just started disappearing. It's unclear as to why, but popular theories tend to follow the same thought process of "well, the yokai felt the biiju being sealed and fled out of fear"

Now, ~60 years later, yokai are pretty much never seen. They still exist, probably, but pretty much no humans have seen them in decades. Or if they have, it's rare enough occurrences that it's an entire Thing(tm) and either is kept secret or the guy who saw them fucking died

ANYWAYS. ALL OF THAT IS TO SAY UHHH.

Yeah. Yokai Thorne not fully aware that he would be considered a yokai in this world where yokai haven't been seen in decades. Very fun implications.

He absolutely would try to help the biiju separate from their jinchuriki bc he considers the biiju as demons and like. He is also a demon. Demon solidarity.

Thorne is a character whos been proven to love his people. He literally committed his life into trying to just provide for the refuges of his race. When he was given the chance to help create a village for demons, he took to it like a fish to water. He used his own money when they run low, he helped to take care of the children, he really, really cares for his people.

And, well, now the biiju are his people too

Oh also!! I think it's interesting to point out too that Thorne isn't unfamiliar to the idea of moving between worlds/realms; He was a refugee from the demon realm when he was a child, and then came to uhh. Whatever Remilia's world would be called, ig. Is it earth? Idunno

But like, he did that!! He came from another realm!!

Then Remilia herself goes into several pocket dimensions and like, god realms or whatever, so theres that too

Idk I just think it'd be an interesting thing to point out if he gets tossed into Naruto-- it wouldn't be his first time as some sort of refugee from another world, having to adapt to an entirely new world filled with strange people and customs.

Food for thought

Uhhh I had a few other thoughts on this but Im ngl, I kinda forgot them. Might come back to this later

Anyways yeah, Thorne, I love him so much. Thank you for your ask!!

Chapter 97: Tobirama pretends Sakumo is his kid to get out of social obligations

Summary:

You read the chapter title

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

#i love these tags thank u

Ok, trying to refocus on finishing the comic after falling off a cliff for a week

Alright chat, place ur bets on wtf is going on here

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

No but why is this so much funnier than anything I could have thought up actually ??? I'm crying

Thats an entire fic premise tbh. I'd love to see it. Tobirama accidentally on purpose implies he has a child in order to get out of several social obligations. But then finds himseld last minute needing to find a child to pretend is his because now people are demanding to meet them and he's dug himself too deep a hole to get out of.

What child can he even choose? Not Kagami, who is very very visibly and Uchiha, which will get him either blatantly disbelief or concern about bastards and bloodlines and a whole mess of other things that would only cause him problems. Not Hiruzen or Danzo, who are high up in their own clan latter's that they risk being semi recognizable.

Actually. Yk what, funniest option. He ends up asking his aunt, the Hatake head, to borrow her baby. Aka Sakumo. It's a squishy little baby, and Haruka has kept him out of sight of the public so far, he's sure no one will recognize him. He's fair skinned and grey haired, so there's some plausability there too.

And if he does somehow get called out he can stare blankly at the person who called him out and go "Oh sorry. He's my nephew, and I count him as my own child. Sorry for the misunderstanding." And potentially worm out of it without consequence

Haruka thinks the entire situation is hilarious and fully supports this, yes u may borrow her baby to get out of low stakes office drama you helped create for yourself

Where is Hashirama you ask? Blissfully unaware that people did not realize Tobirama's "child" wasn't his lizard/pet cat, who Hashirama himself refers to as "the baby"

By the time he realizes the misunderstanding, he thinks it's funny and will keep up the lie of his own ignorance just to see Tobirama flounder. Like the good older brother he is.

Notes:

Unrelated bonus:

Chapter 98: Minato being made the shinigami's wife as punishment for his hubris

Summary:

as the title reads, force fem Minato being made the shinigami's wife as punishment for his hubris

Chapter Text

bluegreenphotophores asked:

Please tell me more about force fem Minato being made the shinigami's wife

From this ask meme

I fucking knew someone would single that one out. Anyways, from my notesapp:

Force fem Minato being made the shinigami's wife as punishment for his hubris
He and Kushia used to joke about Minato being the wife between the two of them, so he's eventually able to cope w his situation and dissociate by relying on the "I'm Kushina's wife" joke as a crutch to make it all feel slightly less awful
The shinigami sends him on errands as his wife (collecting souls lmao) and Minato uses it as an excuse to watch Naruto and Kakashi from affar,,

Umm maybe some of the errands involved Minato baiting people into making deals with and summoning his shinigami husband? He is the lure and the shinigami is the stick lmao
The shinigami can't actually do things or manifest in the real world without someone first inviting them into their lives, so, like, that's part of what Minato's wife duties are. To get people to open the door to the shinigami.
Among other things

+ Bonus which is kind of unrelated but was on the same notes page:

I like Minato for the take that there's something fr wrong w him and he makes a concious effort to appear normal and kind

He's like. Somewhere on the spectrum of sociopathy or has severe borderline personality or just some genuine mental illness and he works very hard, borrowing the mannerisms of those around him, to be charming and nice n stuff

I forget what fic I saw that in but like THATS the fic that made me care ab him

Hashirama :handshake: Minato

'Being friendly to the point that there's smthn genuinley wrong with them'

Minato !! I think he has a lot of untapped potential specifically in the market of fucking w shinigami. Like, what's even up with that? Let's play with that a little.

The man who would kill a thousand people in a day and return home happy to his wife,,, now turned into the wife who the shinigami who would kills thousands in a day returns home to,,, is this karma?

There's a few different directions this could go in tbh— both from the angle of like. How Minato is feeling / what he's going through but also like. Shinigami and yokai lore. What kind of shinigami / yokai lore are we playing with here.

The question isn't just what Minato is going through but also where the fuck is he. Is he in the Shinigami's personal little death dimension? Stuck inside the shinigami mask with him? Or is there some sort of broader shinigami world he's now living in? Is it only the shinigami, who Minato has to deal with? Or does he watch over any of the (no doubt countless) souls the shinigami has in its collection? Does he interact with any other yokai? Are the yokai he meets inside of whatever death dimension he's in or is it that he meets them when he leaves it to run errands? Or in some other, third place? Is Minato even human anymore or does he classify as some sort of yokai now too?

So many fun thoughts!

Anyways ummm. Thinking. Having thoughts. Specifically having abstract thoughts ab some sort of enraged Uzu fox ghost Kushina and new yokai shinigami wife Minato

Kushina's ghost is an Uzumaki one,, she grew up in Uzu where they just kind of have death god shrines n shit, apparently, she was never going to become a normal spirit. And that's not even counting the fox in her + all that weird yin/yang stuff w kurama. She is an angry, angry fox ghost with Uzumaki roots and she wants her wife back !!!

Umm Romeo and Juliet style forbidden love in the afterlife of Minato one day running back into Kushina's spirit (probably while they're both taking a moment to watch over Naruto / check in on Kakashi)

And they like. Do the spider man pointing meme bc HOLY SHIT OMG MY SPOUSE YOURE ALSO TRAPPED IN THIS AFTERLIFE LIMBO and also make out and like tell eachother what they've been doing (Kushina w her cool Uzumaki spirit lore and Minato w his much less cool "yeah so the shinigami um. Turned me into his wife. So.") but then they're forced to separate bc Minato can only leave the shinigami's domain for so long

Forbidden romance under the eye of the shinigami,,, if Minato gets caught the shinigami threatens to make him reap Kushina's soul to add to his collection

Idk but there's just a lot of potential here.

Naruto not from the POV of anyone living but instead from shinigami wife Minato trying to slip in time to see his fox ghost wife again as the plot of Naruto happens in the bg, could be fun

Then the Uchiha massacre happens and suddenly so many more angry spirits are getting added to the mess, oh boy

But yeah thank u for participating in the ask game here is a much longer than I meant for it to be tumblr post as ur payment

#Pein accidently revives Minato cuz he’s in the area reaping souls #Except uh oh he’s still fucked up and still in a poly marriage #Naruto gets to hug his dad and Kakashi gets so much closure in one day #Kakashi: So this means you’re the Hokage now right? #Minato: :)

Are sharingans able to see ghosts? Cuz I think sharingans should be able to see ghosts (maybe Minato is technically a chakra spirit). Kakashi thinks he’s going crazy, likely already having trouble distinguishing nightmares from reality with how perfect the sharingan’s memory is. Would not be surprised if he was having hallucinations and night terrors before Minato tried stepping in.

Oh man, Minato hearing Kakashi talk to him at the memorial stones going to break his heart. Especially since Kakashi is going to feel guilty about Naruto and can’t even talk about that. Instead of appearing while Kakashi is awake, Minato tries to appear when he’s asleep to wake him up if he’s having nightmares. Maybe if Kakashi is having a panic attack Minato will try talking him through it. It’s with mixed results, but sometimes Kakashi just wants the comfort and wants to pretend it’s real.

Minato is really chill with Obito in the late war arc canon wise. Here, it’s not that he doesn’t care or is an all forgiving saint, it’s that he’s probably been watching Obito all these years coming to terms with his death. Ohh the shinigami wanting to kill Madara/prevent Madara’s revival and sending Minato out. Minato being made to trick Obito so the Shinigami can take him. It’s not that the shinigami has anything against Obito (yet) but Obito planning to use the rinnegan to revive someone is a big rule breakers. Not to mention, by Obito’s intentions wouldn’t the god tree’s life support system make the whole world deathless and immortal?

Minato tries to be good to the people he cares about. Tries to be the person they think he is if only so they can smile freely and be happy. A “if I cant have this I want this for you” type of thing. However, when Minato is crossed or the people he cares about are hurt it get’s personal quick. His actions are not malicious or cruel by shinobi standards, but the thought and planning behind those actions are merciless.

Finding out after he died that it was Obito that killed him, it’s personal. It’s only the rules dictating what he can do and Obito thinking Minato isn’t real and ignoring him that saves him. The years passing by and Minato learning about Zetsu and Madara changes Minato’s approach. Madara stole Obito and changed him, so why not steal Obito back? It’s not so much that Minato believes Obito can change, but instead that removing Obito from the equation screws over the end of the world plan (and Madara). It’s petty and vindictive to steal Obito and change him to want to kill Madara in the same way Madara arranged for Minato and Kushina’s deaths. He’s perfectly content and even forgiving of Obito changing sides because he wins. He’s a complete bastard to Madara and Madara doesn’t even know who he is really.

Danzo being able to see Minato with his stolen eyes. He doesn’t believe or care if Minato is real. To Danzo, Minato was an idealistic, naive fool whose only good act as Hokage was sacrificing himself for it. Danzo actually suspects Kakashi is trying to threaten or manipulate him with a new jutsu or sharingan related genjutsu. Minato meanwhile is completely unimpressed. Danzo thinks he’s a genjutsu huh? Isn’t that an idea. Genjutsus are commonly used to torment people and make them second guess their surroundings. Well, ask and you shall receive :) Danzo is so lucky Minato has some free time to spare. He might even be able to swing a free soul for his hubby.

Minato avoiding the Uchiha clan for their vision. Maybe Minato is treading thin ice on whether he’s allowed to be seen by people he isn’t reaping. He could also be trying to help the clan by not allowing himself to be seen. Politically, the Uchiha are being blamed for Minato’s death and are on the edge of chaos. People saying they see the yondaime’s spirit will just look like lying and desecrating Minato’s death for their own gain. It could look like Minato is haunting them, or that they are using this to cover up their role in the Kyuubi attack. Either way, that’s not a rumor mill Minato can afford to start.

Minato showing himself to Itachi after the massacure to try and bait him into overstepping. Minato is not a good person and doesn’t particularly care if Itachi was ordered to do it. Itachi is less guilty in Minato’s eyes than Danzo or Sarutobi in this, but the crime is too high to pardon regardless. Itachi however is half blind and thinks it’s either his guilty conscious or the spirit of the yondaime himself coming to condemn him (which is basically right). Itachi isn’t keen on dying to anyone but Sasuke so no thanks.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

so first off, dont you dare hide this golden premise in the tags, what the fuck

This is so good actually and has so much potential. Minato, brought back to life, possibly still able to see and interact with the dead due to still technically being married to the shinigami,,, Maybe he can help Kushina interact with the living world by letting her possess him or smthn, idk

And like, the shinigami is still looming over his shoulder. Just because he's alive again does not mean he's free. If anything, things are worse for him now, bc the shinigami can truly hurt him in ways he couldn't before-- bc, yk, he was dead. Fun stuff!

a version of this where the sharingan can allow people to see spirits could be pretty cool, tho idk if thats the direction id go in. Also bc like: anyone (living) Minato makes direct contact with, the shinigami is able to infiltrate their life. so.

Minato probably doesn't want Kakashi to see him-- not if it means his wonderful husband can then worm his way into his already messy as hell depression spiral.

Minato baiting Itachi and Obito into interacting with him and thus the shinigami tho,, ough,,

Chapter 99: kawarama + senju bros thoughts

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

ohai-there asked:

Askgame,,,,, soft kawarama PLEASE

From this ask game

OHH OK THIS IS A FUN ONE— so like. This is half vague character thoughts and half even more vague character study fic idea. I think I wrote it around when I was super into the magical girl izuna au? When I realized I'd have to start thinking of Kawarama as an actual character and not just "dead senju brother numero three"

I drew him for that one magical girl izuna thing ab Itama seeing spirits and he was just so cute ,,, I started thinking about him even more after that

But like, from notesapp:

"Soft things"

Kawarama Senju is born soft.

Kawarama looks really sharp and sort of wolfish, the scar on his face especially makes him look intimidating
He has the same resting bitch face as Tobirama
He's so soft tho and it's going to get him killed one day. His brothers all worry for him.

Itama looks the softest of them all
Hashirama acted the softest of them all— though in part it may have been his natural silliness.
But it was Kawarama, who among them was not built for war.

He had gentle, long fingered hands. An artists mind and a musicians hands, a mind often spent lost in thought.

He's legit kind of stupid but has this really sharp, handsome, sort of intellectual face to him that makes him seem all smart and rugged
He is neither of these things.

Like I said, very messy notes but. U get the picture

Itama tends to be the senju brother chosen to get to live when it comes to "don't worry not all the brothers are dead this time" aus (possibly I think due to his eyecatching design, which makes people wanna think ab him a bit more than the plainer looking Kawarama) or, even if they all live, Itama will be the one to get more lines.

Which I am also guilty of bc I love Itama dearly but like. Mmm. Kawarama.

I am thinking ab his potential and what personality might be fun for him to have, especially when standing among his brothers (and especially considering the "soft but deadly" vibes I have running for Itama)

Uhhh "soft but deadly" Itama vs "deadly but soft" Kawarama, pass it on

I like to run with the headcanon that Hashirama was the eldest, then Kawarama was the spare, then the twins Itama and Tobirama were the babies of the group (read: spares to the spare)

So, as kids, Kawa and Hashi got most of their fathers attention— giving Itama and Tobirama some space to fuck around and find out (see that time they managed to poison the entire senju compound)

Then Kawarama dies and suddenly Tobirama and Itama are now the spares. Still given a bit of breathing space, if only because there are two of them.

Then Itama dies and, well, you know the rest.

But like. Spare heir Kawarama who's good at fighting but just not built for it, personality wise. And his brothers who know this and fear for both his safety and his mental well being

He would have supported Hashirama's dream, if he'd grown old enough to truly learn of it. If for no other reason than because he hates to fight

(Also I think Tobirama originally being the baby of the family adds a fun sort of layer to his older self. He had just a bit of time to be a child before it was all taken away and he was fast tracked into being an adult as the new spare, rip)

Hmmm. On the other hand though, as I type this out, I am thinking. Eldest child Kawarama. What if he's the original clan heir, with Hashirama as the spare

This'd give even more irony to him being the softest of them all, actually. He's not built for the life and he's supposed to be in charge, double rip

This also gives Hashirama a bit of room to breathe as just the spare, which allows him some time to be silly and dream of peace and all that, while his elder brother does his best to protect his dreams and shoulder the burden of being heir

Kawarama coming back from his first day out on the battlefield, exuasted and traumatized. And Hashirama covering him in blankets as he tries to distract his brother with meaningless rambles— anything to get the horrible, blank look out of his eye. And Hashirama is just spitting out everything he can think of, just talking to talk, and he finds himself blurting that he just wishes they didn't have to fight, that the whole stupid war could just be over!

And Kawarama finally speaks for the first time since coming home, reaching out to place his hand on his little brothers head to say, "that's a good wish to have."

And Hashirama tucking this quiet moment of positive reinforcement into his heart, just more reason to fuel his dream

Then Kawarama dies and suddenly Hashirama is expected to be the new heir, and oh fuck now his mokuton has appeared and there's so much expected of him and no big brother to shield him anymore— and now he's the big brother who has to protect Tobirama and Itama from the crushing reality of being a heir and—

ANYWAYS YEAHHH KAWARAMA <3 I should draw him, he's cute

Thank you for participating in the ask game Ohai!

Notes:

waa chapter 99, next one will be 100 so I'll save it to make it a good one. Expect the next chapter to either be long or to come with a million other different chapters after it bc I was holding off till I had a long one
Maybe I'll finally write the 'crazy prince obito is forcefully married to war hero kakashi by his evil uncle, King Madara' au post I've been keeping on the backburner. We'll see.

Chapter 100: "Crazy" prince Obito who isn't quite as crazy as he seems being forcefully married to war hero general Kakashi of the Hatake dukedom in order to humiliate the Hatake's

Summary:

"Crazy" prince Obito who isn't quite as crazy as he seems being forcefully married to war hero general Kakashi of the Hatake dukedom in order to humiliate the Hatake's
ft. incredibly toxic implied mdtb (and you cant forget the obedience collar), Obito doing his best to be his worst, a fuck ton of Uchiha politics, and sasunarusaku: a prince and his loyal knights addition (and how they run away from it all)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Getting deep into the aus in my head rn. Ok so you know that genre of arranged marriage webtoons/novels that's like, "the crazy princess is forced to marry the brave knight by the king, who wants to punish the knight for some reason" and then the princess turns out to either not be crazy or to be amping up the crazy on purpose, probably in order to survive some dark shit happening in the palace?

Ok so like. That. Now make it obkk.

(I'm tempted to say mdtb but obkk just fit better, I think. But also like, shit make it mdtb too, I love this trope)

Now here's the thing; I think there's a super fun argument to be made on both sides for who gets what role.

Crazy prince Obito could totally play into his Tobi persona, which would just be cool symmetry. But also knight Obito could be so cool, just objectively. And it could be interesting to play with a crazy prince Kakashi who like, saw his whole family murdered in front of him and then played up the crazy act to avoid becoming next on the chopping block.

Im going to settle with a prince Obito, so now please buckle up for todays au:

"Crazy" prince Obito who isn't quite as crazy as he seems being forcefully married to war hero general Kakashi of the Hatake dukedom in order to humiliate the Hatake's,,

SO! Starting from the top!

The Hatake dukedom is basically the only power to rival our beloved evil king Madara's throne. Other than them, Madara is pretty much untouchable, so his paranoid ass tries to keep a pretty firm eye and thumb on them. Gotta make sure they remember to stay the hell in line, you know?

So Kakashi is ordered to go to war pretty young, possibly in an attempt to get the young heir killed and cut off the Hatake's at the knees. Only for some years later, Kakashi to pretty much singlehandedly win that war and return this super big war hero. Which is a big problem for Madara, because now the Hatake's have even more political capital. And again, his paranoid ass does not like the possibility of there being someone to rival him in power.

As it is, there are only 3 (living, conscious) Uchiha left.

Madara, who is king.

Obito, a bastard nephew of Madara, who is absolutely fucking insane and only ever let out a tight leash when his insanity amuses Madara. He's only lived this long because his stupidity amuses Madara sometimes, and because he's very clearly no threat to him

And Sasuke, Madara's.... technical spare, who is only allowed to live because of his resemblance to Izuna.

(And somewhere deep in the castle, there sleeps on one Uchiha Izuna, trapped in some sort of coma Madara can not wake him from)

All the other Uchiha were killed (we will return to this) including Itachi and Shisui

(Incidentally, among Kakashi's loyal companions he collected during his years at war, there are two dark haired boys who are so careful to hide their faces when in public. I'm sure there's no relation there.)

So! Kakashi returns from war and Madara is like 'shit, I need to stop this train before it gets too far off the tracks' and invites Kakashi to the palace to "reward" him for his service.

Only when Kakashi gets there, the "reward" he's given is that Madara has arranged a spouse for him— his famously insane bastard nephew.

Getting into the politics of this: Giving him Obito humiliates him in public + gives him a ticking time bomb for a wife + reminds him of his place + gets rid of Obito too, who Madara is probably sick of seeing at this point.

Plus if we like, lean into period typical homophobia or whatever, Madara giving him a husband instead of a wife has implications too. Madara says you will NOT procreate, the Hatake house will NOT have a heir, and if they do then they'll automatically be a bastard who will never have a mother.

Take this crazy guy as ur wife lmao get fucked have fun <3

He's ending the Hatake's and Obito's bloodline in one move, 2 birds with one stone!! He's so smug about this solution he's worked out.

Kakashi, obviously yk, is super offended and panicked and also doesn't even want to get married, especially not to the goddamn famously insane prince, but he cant say no to the king! So he's kind of just forced to bow his head and grit his teeth and say thanks as Madara is all smug and happy on his throne saying some shit about he can't wait for the wedding.

So yk, Kakashi brings Obito home and it's this whole fucking spectacle because Obito is freaking the hell out and acting like a total lunatic

The whole rug pool is that Obito isn't nearly as insane as he's acting. To be clear, Obito does have just a whole list of mental issues, and is genuinely incredibly unstable— he's just also playing it way, way up in order to protect himself from being looked at too hard by Madara.

And obviously, yk, he's suddenly thrown at Kakashi with pretty much no warning for either of them, and he doesn't know who the fuck Kakashi is, other than his reputation for being at war for years now. So he's gonna really crank up the crazy factor because it's the only way he knows how to keep himself safe— at least until he's gotten a better handle of Kakashi what the hell he's all about

Anyways just, Kakashi and his crazy wife Obito,,

Kakashi ofc eventually sniffs out that Obito isn't nearly as insane as he's acting, and Obito is able to act a little more genuine to what he's really like.

Meanwhile we also get lots of Sakumo content, who is around btw and acting Duke Hatake. Also Rin is around, probably as Kakashi's second in command. We also get team ro, who Kakashi collected while he was at war and act as his lill team and trusted confidants

I want to see Obito and Sakumo in particular interacting tbh.

The differences between Madara as Obito's hella abusive shitty uncle who would purposefully provoke and feed into his fits, and his new so much kinder father in law who takes even his best attempts of causing a scene and making a fool of himself with a slow blink and a calm demeanor,,,,,, ough,,

Obito experiences fatherly love for the first time in his life and promptly has several crisis's about it

Now! Rewinding a bit to focus back on Madara / Uchiha situations ->

Madara doesn't really have an official heir. Or he does, but it's Izuna. Who, if you remember, is in that coma.

Madara is deep in denial about the fact that his brother is NOT going to wake up. Get over it Madara, it's been 10 fucking years !!!

Like I mentioned before, Sasuke only got to survive because he looks so much like Izuna. Madara probably straight up calls him Izuna and makes him dress and act like his younger brother sometimes when he's in his worst mental states (it flip flops a lot)

Sasuke can't be around Madara when he drinks bc Madara mistakes him for Izuna and starts alternatively yelling at him for daring to leave him and crying messily all over him

Sasuke is technically heir, but not really. Madara will only ever refer to him as the spare— because obviously, Izuna is going to wake up some day. Obviously. Any day now.

Now obviously, Sasuke already has a big brother! Which Madara does not like. How is he supposed to project all his issues onto Sasuke as a younger brother if Sasuke already has an elder brother?

So like, Madara gets rid of Itachi because he doesn't want Sasuke to have a big brother figure in his life other than him, bc yk, Sasuke is his Izuna shaped stress toy to cope with the loss of his own brother.

Madara sends Itachi to the front lines of the war at like 13 to have him killed. But then Kakashi saves him (team Ro noises,,)

Itachi quietly disappears from the playing field and is written off w the countless unnamed dead, and Madara is satisfied. Meanwhile, a masked assassin joins Kakashi's inner circle,,

(In the castle, in the middle of his grief, an 8 year old Sasuke is told he can address Madara as elder brother)

"How did Izuna even fall into that coma?", I hear you asking. Well!

I am now sliding to u a doctor/mage/saint Tobirama who is somehow the reason Izuna is in his coma (maybe on purpose, maybe by accident)

But Madara can't kill him bc hes like. The best doctor he has. And he needs him to keep Izuna alive in his coma.

"Damn, well how did Tobirama get to be working for Madara?" I now hear you asking

Well! x2, We will now rewind even further, to Madara's childhood ->

Starting it off with: is it even a naruto au without a dash of "childhood friends gone wrong?"

Basically, when Madara was a kid, he got to be close friends with Hashirama. Only for Hashirama to be unwittingly used as a tool by his father, for Butsama to try and overthrow the king of the time, Tajima.

A ploy that nearly worked, Butsama managing to kill Tajima + all of Madara and Izuna's other siblings + most of the other Uchiha right in front of the boys.

At the last second, Madara, with the help of the family's advisor, Zetsu, managed to kill Tajima and divert his plans. But now most of the Uchiha were dead and they had a crisis on their hands.

Madara is put on the throne at like, 13 years old, with only Zetsu to really rely on because everyone else is fucking dead, defected, or suspicious as hell. (Which is why, even decades later, he remains so consistently paranoid of anyone who might have the power to rival the throne; ie, the Hatake)

Anyways. Boy king Madara with his spooky advisor Zetsu at his side.

Zetsu is that trope of a a super obviously creepy and evil royal advisors, you guys know the trope. He is hunched behind Madara's throne whispering into his ear

"Kill them sire,,, they disrespect you,,,"

He like helped raise Madara when he was a young so Madara is DEEP in his pockets. After all, after the Uchiha were nearly overthrown, he was the only adult figure Madara had to depend on.

(To be clear, Madara himself is a shitty person. Zetsu is his own brand of spooky evil guy, and yeah he's a terrible influence on Madara, but Madara has made his own shitty evil choices in this too.)

After everything settled down, Madara had to decide what the hell to do with the remaining Senju— including Hashirama and Tobirama, who were also now among the only survivors of their clan.

Hashirama never meant to betray Madara, but he still did, and for that Madara can bear to look at him or he'll begin to feel sick.

Madara ends up being unable to kill his old best friend (even as Zetsu urges him to do it), and instead just sends him off to some temple deep on the edge of the kingdom, under heavy guard, basically banished from everywhere else in the kingdom. Hashirama goes quietly.

Tobirama, however, he keeps. Forced to serve in the palace as a sort of doctor.

Put him in some sort of magic collar that means he can't disobey a member of Uchiha royalty or smthn fun and fucked up like that, it could be fun. Collar that man !!!!!

Its enchanted w an order like, "you must follow every order given to you by the king" and then later down the line (when Madara is inevitably overthrown) Madara tries to order Tobirama to do smthn, Tobirama just looks at him coldly and goes "you are king no more."

I think whether Tobirama put Izuna in a coma or not would be left intentionally vague. We never know. Not even I know.

Maybe it was an accident, and Madara can only assume the worst because of who his father was and his clear hatred of the Uchiha.

Or maybe it was on purpose, his intrusive thoughts finally winning out. He certainly doesn't seem to have much sympathy or regret for the fact Izuna's been asleep for a decade now

Now, pointing back at Zetsu and Madara

Zetsu is sort of just a generic shadowy advisor for Madara in this. He's running the kingdom behind Madara's shoulder, he just kinda gets to do whatever and thrives bc of it. Zetsu living his best life!!!

Everyone is suffering in some way EXCEPT for Zetsu, who is having a wonderful time

So like. Madara seeming convinced he'll never die. Bc Zetsu has been whispering in his ear ab ideas of eternal life and necromancy, telling him he can rule forever and use this newfound power to wake Izuna. (Which is also ofc why he has no real heir and doesn't seem too worried about it)

(Meanwhile in the bg Tobirama is being used for his research. He's… happy about this, actually. He's thriving, just a little bit. Madara lets him play with dead bodies. And yeah, it sucks he has to obey the bastards commands, he's given p much unlimited funds and just kinda makes cool taboo shit as he researches immortality. He still bitches ab it tho.

Maybe in the end, he'll drag Madara out from the dungeons by the scruff like hes a wet cat and says smthn vague ab how hes going to be calling the shots from now on, and they disappear into the night)

So anyways. Inhuman somehow vaguely immortal Zetsu— who's been running out on his immortality juice.

Maybe we can play w Kaguya and the Hatake clans involvement? Zetsu gets his power from siphoning off of Kaguya, but the Hatake's of these past few generations have been worshipping her too, so she no longer has eyes only for Zetsu— meaning he no longer gets as much power from her.

Which is also why he's pushing Madara to hit the Hatake's w the ban hammer, because he wants them out of the way so Kaguya will look his way again.

(Or at the very least, Tobirama can hurry up and inventory human immortality already so Zetsu can try out a new method)

If you wanna get extra fucky with it, we can go with a 'son of Kaguya' Kakashi au, and throw in even more fucked up moon goddess family drama. Kakashi has no idea he's even related to the moon goddess, but Zetsu is losing his fucking mind because he's no longer his mothers number one special little boy anymore

What even is an obkk au without heaps of family drama in all directions?

Ok so, rewinding back to where we were, with newly wed Obito and Kakashi ->

So, Kakashi has been at war for some years now and has a lot of shit to do and catch up on now that he's back. Including catching back up with his dad, who he hasn't been able to see for any longer than a week tops in years. Very emotional! Very fun! Madara is a bastard for keeping them apart

But specifically tho. Kakashi helping Itachi to reunite with Sasuke.

I mentioned before that Kakashi collected team ro while he was out at war, and each of them probably has some sort of mini quest to fulfil,,

Senju bastard Tenzo who maybe grew up in the same church Hashirama was banished to, but was eventually sent away by Hashirama who couldn't bear to see him live the same isolated life as him (and maybe feared that Tenzo would be killed if Madara heard there was a new mokuton user)

Itachi and Shisui, Itachi being sent away to die and Shisui being an Uchiha bastard who either Madara thought he managed to kill (but escaped the massacre of his own remaining family Madara would eventually pull) or who got sent away with itachi to die at war. And just them wanting to reunite with Sasuke, their only remaining family left, who they worry for every day that he's left alone with Madara.

Im thinking tho. Sasuke eventually somehow escaping on his own (before team ro can even try to sae him) and managing to get to the Hatake dukedom,,,, Kakashi and Obito end up basically adopting him, pass it on

Super emotional Sasuke and Itachi reunion my beloved,,, I want Sakumo to try and dad them both, it'd be fun. Sakumo is just dad-ing everyone in this au, he's so father shaped

Sasuke spending so many years alone w only Madara as his family and maybe a weirdly fucked up and distant uncle-ish energy Tobirama who he regularly sees Madara going out of his way to make his life miserable.

But also like, obviously: Sakura and Naruto. I bet those two helped him escape tbh

Uhh knights in training Naruto and Sakura who are so determined to protect their prince Sasuke (even as Sasuke tells them he doesnt need his protection)

What if Sakura is training under Tobirama in place of Tsunade? Could be fun, idk.

Where is Tsunade in this, is she dead? Was she ever born? Did Madara steal her from Hashirama to make her work in the castle? Could be fun,, on that note too, Orochimaru might be somewhere around here, working with Tobirama to unlock immortality for Zetsu/Madara (*cough* himself *cough*)

Anyways, knights Sakura and Naruto who enter the palace so starry eyed for their beloved king Madara and prince Sasuke,,, only to slowly realize this is NOT the fluffy sparkly fairytale they thought this was going to be.

Im thinking narusasusaku energy where Sakura and Naruto are being silly and competing for their beloved, closed off ice prince's attention, alternating between fighting each other for Sasuke to look at them and teaming up to get rid of potential rivals

Meanwhile Sasuke is looking on at these fucking idiots blatant attempt to throw themselves at him in that way that only kids can, alternating between being annoyed and exasperated and trying to hide how amused he is. They are one of the only bright spots in his life ,,,

Madara doesn't even really have a reason to fuck Sasuke over w them tbh, honestly he might even encourage it just bc they're knights in training and he wants his spare to be well protected (against everyone but him lmao)

Madara is shitty but Sasuke is in this really weird position where he's probably the safest from him. Beccause, you know, Izuna. There's a lot of emotional abuse there and incredibly unhealthy dependency from Madara's end, projecting Izuna onto Sasuke. But for the most part, Madara dotes on him. Because, again, Izuna. Though there's also probably a certain amount of genuine fondness Madara has grown for him

He only really gets violent if it looks like someone will try and take Sasuke away from him (particularly in a familial way, which is what got Itachi (almost) killed)

Naruto and Sakura are deemed safe by Madara because they too are under his control, and every prince does need a good knight.

He might even think their not so well hidden crushes would be good for him, because that way he can count on them to ruin any of Sasuke's future romantic prospects for him. And if Sasuke ends up getting with his knights, he will never have a reason to leave the castle, even once he's an adult. A win win for Madara!

Madara approaching Sakura and Naruto both, telling them he thinks theyre just soooo good at being knights and, obviously you know, as their king he will hope they give him lots of updates about Sasuke.

Both Sakura and Naruto are super starry eyed and all for it at first, but Sakura quickly realizes that Madara is asking them to spy on Sasuke for him.

Sasuke himself is not surprised and probable expects it. This is what Madara has done with every single other person that he's ever looked at longer than 3 seconds.

There is a reason Sasuke has no friends, and it's not just because he doesn't want any. That one time when he was 9 and he told his playmate that he missed his big brother and hoped he would come back soon, only for Madara to later drag him out of bed in the middle of the night, scream at him and threaten to send him to die on the front lines with his brother if he really wanted to be with him so bad— well, that kind of gave him trust issues. Understandably.

Thinking also that over the years, while Kakashi was at war, Madara was keeping Sakumo from going to see his son by claiming he needed him close to the palace. So, like, Sakumo interacting with Sasuke on and off over the years,,, just this occasional figure of stability Sasuke is never supposed to talk to for too long,, this man he knows Madara is scared of, who feels so warm to him.

And Sakumo, missing Kakashi so much, interacting with Sasuke thinking about how 'my son was this small, when your uncle sent him to die' and nearly crying about it later.

Anyways just sasusakunaru,,, prince sasuke and his two knights who enter the castle at like 12, starry eyed and fulled of hope— but slowly becoming disillusioned as they realize what kind of life Sasuke is really living.

Them going from swearing to protect their prince with all the strength and surety of a couple of hopeful kids with big dreams— to really, genuinely meaning it, and eventually helping him escape from Madara's hands.

And then ofc them fleeing to the Hatake dukedom, where Sakumo and Kakashi give him sanctuary and he gets to see Itachi again. Who, by the way, he thought was dead and had NO idea was here. Yayy!

Anyways!

Endgame of Kakashi and Obito overthrowing Madara and tossing him into the dungeons. Tobirama ends up dragging Madara out of the dungeons and they disappear into the night together, never to be seen again. (with the implications of a sudden very sharp shift in power between them something to think about off screen)

Sasuke becomes king bc neither Kakashi or Obito wants the throne, and rules with his trusty knights (and partners) Naruto and Sakura.

Obito is happy being a trophy wife for Kakashi, this is actually his ideal ending (after the horror and stress of adjusting to this new unknown life)

Sakumo meanwhile gets to be godfather of the first sasusakunaru kids and swears to protect the Uchiha family for as long as he can

The end, or something

Notes:

Lucky chapter 100 !!!! Thank you guys for sticking around for 100 chapters of silly naruto things! This is a really fun au, actually. May end up being a runner up to some of my favorites I've posted. I just posted it all of 6 minutes ago, so there may be additions added in the future, we'll see how it goes.

Chapter 101: Hatake good luck charm au

Summary:

AU where the Hatake's have a reputation for being "good luck charm" to the point where some clans view them as genuine symbols of prosperity, and marrying one / getting one to join your family in some way is supposed to bless you, your family, and your fields for as long as they remain yours

Chapter Text

Ok so, thinking about this post, specifically the "dumb au where the Uchiha just really like Kakashi for some reason (clan stuff??)" part, and it got me thinking;

AU where the Hatake's have a reputation for being "good luck charm" to the point where some clans view them as genuine symbols of prosperity, and marrying one / getting one to join your family in some way is supposed to bless you, your family, and your fields for as long as they remain yours

Maybe their white chakra specifically is actually some sort of good luck thing? Idk, but like, there's that abstract idea.

"The Hatake, with their steely hair and blessed white chakra said to bless any fortunate enough to see it"

Could totally mash this in with the Sexyman Sakumo agenda and say part of his insane popularity was bc of the rumors about how his bloodline limit is supposed to give fortune to any who might tie him down

Oooo what if after his mission gone wrong, the rumors and reputation twists and suddenly people are saying no, they got it opposite, the Hatake's bring bad luck

Then Sakumo offs himself and Kakashi suddenly has to live with the reputation of being a bad luck charm

Could be fun.

Anyways, rewinding:

Gonna think ab the warring states with this idea first.

So, half Hatake Tobirama, right? Senju Butsama marrying a Hatake woman would be such a power move for him,,,

Oh my god wait ok: Something about the Senju clan and their planty stuff, then marrying a Hatake woman said to bring prosperity to their "clan and crops" is so good.

And then she also goes and proves it right by popping out the first mokuton baby in forever

So fun !!

I like the idea that their luck is said to specifically be in their white chakra, so like. None of the Senju boys being born with white chakra and their dad being upset by it bc that means the luck wasn't passed down. But Tobirama, being an albino, looks pretty Hatake so maybe some of the charm passed onto him...?

(It hadn't, but there's some fun to be had in the belief that it had.)

Tobirama never marries in part because he has no interest in it, and in part because many of those who approached him only wanted him for his supposed 'Hatake Luck'

You could so easily turn this into sort of a parody to a blessed eyes au by rolling with Tobirama having the social flex of being a Hatake, a good luck charm in human form.

Skipping back ahead to Kohona back to Kakashi— umm supposed "bad luck" Hatake Kakashi (to the general population of Kohona) being fuckin pspsps'ed at by the older clans who know Hatake's are good luck and are so trying to get him to join their clan (and bring them luck)

He's an orphan now!!! That means he's free realestate!!! Pspsps cmere little boy come let the nice old clan people adopt you teehee <3

This was meant to be a funny silly lighthearted thing but I can see several ugly paths to take with that actually. Let's stick to lighthearted fun for now tho

Ummm Obito actually survives the rock fall bc of Kakashi's Hatake luck, pass it on. He so should have died but he didn't and it's bc of Kakashi taking him as his "best friend" and suddenly boom, luck.

Ooo maybe when they swap eyes, uh, yk, Kakashi's eye has a bit of white chakra in it and now it's in Obito.

So now Obito suddenly has this double conundrum of "physically has a Hatake's white chakra in him (in his eye, even, which is a culturally and spiritually significant body part to highlight)

And he's considered family by Kakashi, who Kakashi thinks of (and unknowingly sends good luck towards) every day,,,,

Obito's plans keep going so well even when he does a half assed job at them bc of the fucking Hatake blessing Kakashi unknowingly placed on him, pass it on

Alternativley: silly fluffy 'everythings good and nothing hurts' au that's just older Kakashi being aggressively pursued by people both bc hes hot and also the Hatake luck.

Mothers want to adopt him to get him into their clan and fathers want to fuc—

Sorry what was I saying?

Anyways

Good luck charm Kohona sexy man Sakumo and his son Kakashi who grows up into a good luck charm Kohona sexyman himself....

Hatake good luck charm au. Make it happen. I believe in us

#Konoha is ground zero for crazy things #Imagine Kakashi joins root and things shatter like glass #Danzo survived getting snitched on because of Hatake luck (sadly) #Even if you add Asuma Shisui and Itachi people only die if they choose to #I think Asuma counts maybe not #…Haku. Zabuza. Sarutobi. Pein. Does anyone in this series die by chance? #Even Tobirama sacrificed himself #How does Neji die #FUCK he sacrificed himself

Consider that the Hatake luck thing was fabricated, the Senju can made it up after Butsama’s wife gave birth to a mokuton user (first try too). Actually, crazy luck but it’s not all positive. On one hand, bad things happen. On the other, Kakashi survives a lot in canon (including fighting the fucking moon).

You know how Team 7 has crazy bad luck, with their first C rank mission having Zabuza? Or how Orochimaru showed up during the Chunin exams and kills the Hokage? Then Itachi shows up and both Naruto and Sasuke survive that (Itachi didn’t want to kill them but still. Any other Akatsuki member and Naruto would’ve needed serious help, Kisame was chill for that). That’s like 6 months of crazy. Consider how eventful Konoha is and how many of those events took place during Kakashi’s life. The one thing he can’t be blamed for is Madara’s defection and the first Kyuubi attack (but there was probably a Hatake nearby).

Maybe Rin would have survived if she had left it up to chance. Everyone who Kakashi cares about dies because they sacrificed themselves/choose to die. None of them died by chance: crazy circumstances sure, but it was a guaranteed death.

Hatake luck isn’t a pure good luck charm, it’s like being thrown in a hurricane while being stuck by lighting only to survive. If you stand really close to the Hatake, maybe you’ll weather the eye of the storm. But the safest place to be is a hundred miles away.

@arr-u 🔄

Team 7 and like all of their gen keep on being essentially immortal on the field just cause kakashi finally got a genin team and unknowingly sends shitloads of good luck to all genin and chunin interacting with team 7(we saw him praying at a shrine on one of the manga covers,mb pointed hatake luck blessings work better)

This is also how Naruto,sasuke,tenzo and itachi survive all the shit thrown at them(crack au shisui+minakushi survive cause hound's blessing)

@drozdzuwa 🔄

#what if early pre Konoha Hatake nomads got really good at finding places with fertile soil #good weather conditions stable peaceful situation and the like #so when people saw the Hatake settling nearby they were like ooo we about to have the most plentiful season this year #they were like an indicator of 'this is a good spot to live and have babies as of rn' #and it's part of there the 'good luck charm' belief originated before anyone had a chance to live close enough to #any Hatake to see the actual good luck in action and pass on the news which then added to the rumors #and oof the reversal of Sakumo and Kakashi bringing bad luck 😔 #but like imagine. things got that bad despite their good fortune so how terrible would it be if they actually were bad luck #and I mean sure Kakashi's life fucking sucked but he lived. through shit he absolutely should not have survived. repeatedly #not much about Sakumo in canon but he lived to see his thirties at least so he also must have survived some against the odds situations #wonder if the clan's decreasing fertility might have fed into the 'Hatake are not that lucky apparently' rumors #or maybe the scarcity mindset made the few Hatake even more desirable to the other clans #sorry for ranting it's just this in combination with Hatake=farmland really reminded me the folk beliefs about good luck charms #like how skylarks mean spring is coming #swallows nesting on a house bring good luck to the family living there and protect from lightning strikes (👀) #ravens however bring bad luck looking at you Itachi #lucky charm Kakashi and Obito from the bad luck clan on the same team. no wonder fate took a screenshot #stopping here before I yap myself to sleep

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Ough,,, I love this tho,, I feel like it'd add even more weight to Sakumo being accused of being a bad luck charm too. Oh the tragedy,,,, I love it

These tags from @drozdzuwa are also so good what the fuck

#GREAT additions 10/10 #sorry Im tired I cant think of much else to add but I LOVE THESE #hatake good luck charm

Comments:

milkyfinch: So like… a farming-themed selkie???

oh-no-its-bird: oooooo, yk I wasn't thinking that when i wrote it, but YES, this exactly

Chapter 102: The one where Kakashi is inexplicably a wolf and uses genjutsu to make people think hes a real boy

Summary:

You read the title. You know why you're here.

Chapter Text

Saw this art on twitter by @1iemak and it got me thinking ab silly things

Naruto au where everything is exactly the same in every way, but Kakashi is inexplicably a wolf. This changes literally nothing; he's just a wolf now. Not anthro or anything just. A wolf.

No one ever comments on it but its implied that he's been using genjutsu to make everyone think he's human.

The only one who has ever been able to see through this was Obito (possibly due to sharing eyes with him) and if he ever mentions it to anyone, they think he's crazy. (Crazier)

That’s actually really cute and funny. Imagine the Hatake clan is entirely made up, like they are just canines from the summoning realm that liked Tobirama enough to follow and support his brother’s village. They aren’t even a clan—they didn’t even exist 5 seconds ago—and most “clan members” aren’t even related to one another. They completely made up a lie about being nomads from Iron, with Tobirama backing their story. Maybe most of the modern hatake didn’t die out at all, but just became fed up with modern Konoha and left.

With all the sharingan and byakugan users it’s not a genjutsu but actual shape shifting. Maybe summons are entirely made up of chakra rather than anything physical, and can molded their chakra into a new shape. They can’t change what they are, and can’t hold the henge form for too long, eventually their bodies will want to rubber band back into its natural shape. White chakra is more like a blinding spotlight, made to hide their true form. If you can’t conceal your chakra from prying eyes, blind the eyes instead. The only other “people” who are in the know are the Inuzuka summons, but they aren’t snitching unless asked. It would be very awkward in the canine realm if they did.

There’s Werewolf allegations, but Konoha ended up getting it backwards. Orochimaru genuinely thinks Sakumo has a werewolf Kekkei genkai and keeps trying to stalk him during full moons. Minato might also know something is up if only because Kakashi had a biting/teething phase and had trouble holding his human form all day as a kid.

There’s a couple of extra paths for this. Sakumo fakes his own death to go home. The conflict and anger comes from either Sakumo leaving him or from Konoha bad mouthing his dad into leaving. Kakashi could still view Konoha as home and his dad as in the wrong, wanting to prove to Konoha he isn’t like his dad. Obito’s words still have an impact and makes Kakashi fully realize he doesn’t want to leave too. That he wants to stay with Obito and team Minato.

Kakashi is completely chill with being the “last” Hatake. He’s mad his dad left, but the last of his clan thing doesn’t bother him at all. He’s weirded out by Minato’s insistence that it’s ok to cry and be sad about it, figuring he just doesn’t understand humans.

Kakashi and Sakumo disappearing to visit family during the winter for a week. Maybe when the Hatake joined, Tobirama wrote in a clause that allowed visitation rights (otherwise there would be way too many defections from bored Hatakes). Kakashi’s ninken pack could be actual Hatakes who want to support Kakashi but not Konoha. Little Kakashi not wanting to visit Sakumo out of anger and feeling abandoned. Sakumo not wanting to visit Konoha and feeling like he has no right to visit his son if Kakashi doesn’t want to see him.

The reason Kakashi started wearing a mask is because he couldn’t make a human face correctly without it looking uncanny. While he was a bratty and angry kid, a lot of his facial expressions were accidently too extreme as dogs have special muscles on their eyebrows/around their eyes for expression. Unrelated note, Kakashi could do puppy dog eyes as a kid, before he realized humans couldn’t do that.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

OH MY GOD NO BC I LOVE THIS???

Secretly just wolf summons Hatake... what did Tobirama do that made them like him so much? He somehow managed to tempted them into playing human for at least 3 generations (before presumably they got bored of it and fucked off)

There must have been any adjustment period for them to learn how to be human, and it must have been so fucking funny to see actually

I am picturing. Office scene.

Ok so picture this with me please:

Early Kohona. You are working in the newly established hokage tower. One of your new co workers is this Hatake guy.

Hes kind of weird, but it's whatever— a lot of clans, especially the animal ones have some quirks. You've heard the Hatake especially were a wild clan living the middle of nowhere Iron Country, super shit education, super isolated, super poor social skills. Apparently some of them can't even read.

You try to tell yourself it's whatever, and he really is nice— but he's also really fucking weird.

You've walked in on him eating out of a bowl by shoving his entire face into it and licking it clean like 10 times. Almost every single time he gives you a sort of deer in the headlights look and immediatley scrambles to use a spoon, holding it like he doesn't know how to use it.

You're pretty sure he keeps summoning his giant ass wolf summons in the office for some reason ??? You keep seeing flickers of fur, a tail flicking around the corner, that sort of thing.

(Your desk chair is apparently its favorite place to sleep because it's constantly covered in heavy grey fur. He denies it but looks guilty every time you bring it up. Once he even mumbled, "I dunno maybe you just smell nice to him." under his breath when you tried to shake an answer out of him. This did not endear him to you.)

He's an absolutely shit liar, especially for a shinobi. Whatever he thinks is usually written across his face in big, bold letters. It's almost like he has no control over his face at all, doesn't know how to still his expressions.

He keeps bringing you dead things, and at first you thought it was some sort of hazing ritual but now you're pretty sure it's supposed to be some sort of olive branch...? He once dumped an entire rabbit carcass on your desk. Your summons are rabbits. Obviously, you took this to be a threat.

After a week of nonstop stress, when you finally explained the misunderstanding to him, he looked only a little crushed.

Sorry I got a little carried away but like u get the picture. Early Kohona Hatake's being absoloutley awful at playing human but trying their best.

(Even tho that kind of ended up turning into a failed office romance au. Poor unnamed Hatake, u will never get the guy for they know what you are ((a freaky little weirdo))

ANYWAYS UMMM.

Sakumo being raised by Hatake who've already learned to play human (and being raised among actual humans) and being so much better at it

Then Kakashi doing the same but past another generation so he's even more distanced from being a real wolf

Actually funniest option: Sakumo dies like in canon and Kakashi, left alone, does actually believe he's a human boy. No one is here to tell him otherwise anymore.

Maybe it's a way to cope with his father's death, who knows

I think for this specific bit it'd be funny if the human disguise was a henge (that for some reason just can't be seen through, don't think ab it too hard)

Kakashi is LITERALLY a whole ass dog, the henge doesn't work on his own eyes, when he looks in the mirror he sees a dog. But he's just. Convinced he's a human boy. He is a human boy.

Kannabi bridge happens and Obito and him swap eyes but somehow because Dog(tm) Obito survived and goes back to Kohona with them.

But now because he and Kakashi exchanged eyes, he can see through the fucking henge. And he is losing his GODDAMN MIND !!!!

He thinks he's going insane at first.

Rin puts Kakashi's eye into his skull, and hes like, still under rocks or whatever. Rin is like "is it... working?"

And Obito coughs weakly and squints and looks up at her like "y-yeah, yeah I think—"

And theres just this record scratch as he suddenly notices the fluffy dog that's. Right there. Wearing Kakashi's uniform. With Obito's eye in his skull.

And Obito just cuts off abruptly, staring at Kakashi as he let's out a really high pitched "UM."

And then the dog speaks in Kakashi's voice and goes, "Obito, what's wrong?"

And Obito let's put an even louder, more high pitched, "U M ."

And now Rin is asking if he's ok too, looking super worried, but all Obito can blurt is,

"KAKASHI ??? WHY ARE YOU A DOG ?????"

Both Rin and Kakashi go silent, and then Kakashi, sounding genuinley distressed, is like, "Rin you were supposed to switch our eyes, not give him a lobotomy!!!"

Rin is putting her head in her hands starting to cry and going "ITS HARDER THAN IT LOOKS OK"

Anyways, they somehow get Obito knocked loose and return to Kohona and the entire fucking time Obito feels like he's going INSANE, but he's trying so hard not to comment on it bc Rin started crying ab how she'd made him crazy with her medical malpractice girlboss moment as Kakashi (dogkashi???) Looked as close to 'about to throw up' as a canine can look.

Anyways just. Obito losing his mind about Kakashi secretly being a fucking dog and Kakashi insisting he is a Normal Human Boy, he promises.

Every time someone has a crush on Kakashi or smthn Obito loses his mind even more bc theyre like "ohh he's so handsome...he's so mysterious..."

And Obito is like, head in his hands "he's a DOG he's an actual literal DOG"

He's given up trying to tell people this bc they either think he's crazy, trying to insult Kakashi somehow, or are like "ahaha yeah that dog lmao, what a man" (which is somehow the most upsetting result for Obito)

Obito confronts Kakashi multiple times and usually comes out of the conversation w Kakashi going some flavor of "do u hate me bc I'm different :(" and Obito going "am I... dog racist? Dogist...?"

Anyways, final thoughts: They made a dog the Hokage. (And he was somehow one of the most effective Hokage's in decades)

Hodogke....

Chapter 103: Kakashi loses his baby teeth and assumes the worst because no one explained to him how losing your teeth work (and also his dad is dead)

Summary:

What it reads on the tin

Chapter Text

Anonymous asked:

You are making me EMOTIONAL thinking about baby kakashi losing his teeth and not having his dad around to ask about things now, not even specifically for fang reasons either 😭😭

I think I was late and lost my first took when I was almost seven and idk exactly when Sakumo died officially but. Idk. Something something the tragedy of potentially not even having a parent around to explain what is going on when you lose a tooth for the first time

#note to self: make this a future scene in chasing shadows. itll be cute.

I'm so glad u sent this actually bc I was thinking ab wanting to write a post ab this premise but wasn't sure how to phrase or start it

Kid Kakashi struggling through starting to lose his baby teeth after his father dies <33

Google tells me that children start losing their baby teeth around 6, and the general age I've seen for Kakashi when Sakumo kills himself is usually around that same number, so, it works out!!

You bring up such a good and fun point actually in just. Does Kakashi know what's happening to him? Has anyone explained to him that your teeth just naturally fall out when you're little?

One day, Kakashi goes to class and sees Obito, who's a few years older than him, bragging about how he "just lost my tooth the other day"

And Kakashi quietly goes to himself, "wow this guy is so bad at fighting, he got his tooth knocked out and he's happy about it. What a weirdo."

Obito is IGNORING the judgmental stares coming from Kakashi's direction, assuming Kakashi is just jealous of his super cool milestone of growing up

Thinking maybe Obito even comes over to try to brag about it, but Kakashi just goes "??? Why are you bragging about losing your teeth ??? God, you're such a freak"

And Obito is like, "I know ur just jealous BAKASHI. Because you are still a BABY while I am on my way to being a MAN"

And inside Kakashi, still deeply confused and weirded out, is like, 'why the fuck would I be jealous' but outloud he just glares and goes, "I've never lost any of my teeth because I never lose."

To which Obito loses his mind because he's like 9 and to a 9 year old that sounded kind of sick and how DARE Kakashi try and be cool about this

(In the background, Minato is well on his way to losing his mind trying not to laugh. Rin meanwhile is squinting and doing mental math as she tries to tell if Kakashi is joking or not)

But anyways like. Kakashi later losing his own teeth and freaking the fuck out about it. Is he sick? Is he dying? Should he go to the doctor?

Oh my god wait ok but Kakashi cornering Rin after a training session and demands she help diagnose him bc he doesn't want to go to the actual doctor or ask Sensei for help. And Kakashi admitting she's a "good med nin" and Rin is kinda going omg Kakashi conpliment,,,, life goals,,

But also like Kakashi thinks he's dying and she's SUPER flattered he thinks she can help but she's like. 10. And a med nin in training.

So she's kind of sweating like "omg what are ur symptoms, why do u think ur dying?"

And Kakashi is like my "fucking teeth are falling out !!!!!!"

And Rin is like "woah that sounds super scary and seriou— Hold on a second."

Kakashi goes as far as to take off his mask to show her, which goes to show how desperate he is rn because he'd usually never do that.

And Rin is torn between being tempted to pinch his cheek and pull at it like it's Mochi and also like. She's struggling SO hard not to laugh at this point because she knows if she does Kakashi will literally never forgive her

So Rin has to break it to Kakashi as gently as she can (and without laughing or cooing at his cute kid naivety) that don't worry, you aren't dying, this is normal

Kakashi doesn't believe her at first. But when he does he's suddenly overwhelmed by embarrassment. He will never recover. Hes so fucking glad he didn't actually go to the doctor or to sensei because at least Rin he can swear to secrecy FOREVER

Kakashi has to deal with his suddenly too big for his mouth adult fangs and keeps going to Rin to help heal the cuts they keep leaving on his lips ,,,,

Somehow Obito catches wind of this, and hears "Rin + helping with Kakashi's lips (???)" And thinks they're kissing and loses his goddamn mind in spectacular fashion.

Toddler drama....

Idk where Im really going with this, it ended up taking a life of its own

Uhhh anyways. Moving this conversation entirely:

You can copy pasted this exact concept onto Naruto for a really funny (and kind of awful) au where Naruto loses his first tooth and becomes convinced he's dying

He does actually try to go to the hospital but they try to turn him away, but when he blurts out that he's scared he's dying a particularly mean spirited doctor pretends to examine him then goes "oh no. You really are dying and have a week to live. Boohoo."

Naruto loses his fucking mind and makes a "things I want to do before I die" bucket list and then spends the next week desperatley trying to complete it bc hes convinced he's gonna die on the final day

This list includes but is not limited to:

- become Hokage

- start a family

- eat every single different kind of ramen on Ichiraku's menu

Idk how to make the first and third especially funny but like.

"Starting a family" ending up somehow leading to Naruto very aggressively trying to get literally anyone to hold his hand in a similar fashion to "Uchiha Sasuke's 10 step plan to get revenge" where Sasuke tries to get Shikamaru to marry him in his quest to "live a good life" to get revenge on Itachi, while Naruto hears Sasuke is looking for a husband and very loudly tries to get him to pick him instead

Which is actually a really fucking funny one on its own and now I'm just thinking about that instead, so I'll leave this post here

I got a little distracted, but. Thank you for ur ask !!!

Chapter 104: Kakashi Anastasia AU

Summary:

"Theres a rumor on the streets, that one Hatake escaped the massacre a decade ago. Whispers of a reward, for whoever might find the missing heir, a boy who might be a man, if he truly survived.
Budding conmen Obito and Rin come together to coach someone into acting as the presumed dead Hatake heir— And they find the perfect Kakashi in the shape of one street boy named Sukea"

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

#oh man this turned out SO much longer than it was supposed to #oops !!! #whatever none of you guys are going to complain about more kakashi content

Kakashi Anastasia AU. Specifically bc I started listening to once upon a december on loop, oops

But umm. Anastasia AU. Taking place in a weird mix of old Russia and old Japan with little to no shinobi presence. The Hatake house was once this great, powerful clan that ruled over Iron Country, till a man (stuck between Danzo or Madara— tho also Orochimaru could make for a funny Rasputin) swore to tear them down from their lofty position

Eventually pretty much the entire clan is killed and or scattered, and in the chaos Sakumo and Kakashi manage to escape the palace but are separated. Years pass and the political climate has chilled the fuck out, and while the Hatake's are no longer in charge, Sakumo remains in a position of relative wealth and power

Kakashi, meanwhile, who was a child at the time of the upheaval, has grown up and no longer remembers his father or anything of his former life— he doesn't even remember his previous name, going instead by Sukea.

But there's a rumor on the streets, that somehow Kakashi had survived. And that his father would pay his weight in gold to see him again

And so between markets selling old Hatake belongings stolen from the palace, Rin and Obito strike up a plan to find themselves a Kakashi look alike, train him to the part, and present him as the "real" Kakashi— all for the reward.

And they find the perfect Kakashi in the shape of one street boy named Sukea

So I'm typing this out and I cant lie, I'm a bit torn between Kakashi as our Anastasia or Sakumo. I think both could make for pretty interesting stories, so lets just do both, actually. For fun.

Kakashi as Anastasia

So like I said, Rin and Obito as Dimitri and Vladimir.

They're scrappy street conmen, and their latest great idea to get the hell out of their shitty situation called life is to make themselves a 'Kakashi' to present to Sakumo and hopefully get the big reward.

This plan sounds pretty shitty, but they have one big advantage— Obito and Rin both actually used to work in the palace, and were there the night the Hatake's fell. In fact, that night Obito actually helped Kakashi and Sakumo both escape through one of the hidden servants halls, set into the wall as a false wall. So he came out of that night knowing how they'd escaped and also holding onto a music box that belonged to Kakashi, which he'd dropped.

Obito's big plan is to use the music box to prove his Kakashi is the real one, as presumably only the real one would have it, especially since he'd had it on that fateful night (till he dropped it anyways)

So, Rin and Obito find Sukea, and they're like "oh man this is perfect, you have the hair and everything!" and Sukea is like "??? who are you people leave me the fuck alone???"

And the thing is, they dont like. Want to tell Sukea they want him to pretend to be Kakashi, bc he'd say no. But they have an advantage bc Sukea just so happens to have a very poor memory of his childhood, is an orphan, and is about the right age! So they instead just begin to gaslight him into believing he really is Kakashi

After a couple roadblocks, this works,,, surprisingly well, actually.

Anyways just Rin, Obito and Sukea road trip to fire country to reunite Sukea with his maybe dad, Sakumo

Over the course of getting there, little bits and pieces of his childhood begins to come back to Sukea. Helped along, ofc, by Obito and Rin feeling his own history to him.

And ofc as Rin and Obito are feeding him this information he's going "omg its all coming back to me,, I remember that guy,, I also remember (thing they never told him about)"

And they're looking nervously at each other like "??? did you tell him that?? I didn't tell him that"

and Sukea is taking to their lessons incredibly easily (almost like he really did this all as a kid, wow how impressive)

And at this point also just, have fun w the Hatake lore. Really get in there, there's a great excuse of Rin and Obito teaching him about his families history.

Uhh fun scene of Obito teaching Sukea to ballroom dance,,,, Rin is playing music for them as Kakashi takes to it like a fish to water, quickly outpacing Obito. Rin is giving a side eye at the romantic tension between them as Obito gets way too flustered as Sukea teases him ab who there is the real dance instructor

It's around this time that Sukea really does become Kakashi, even in his own mind

They arrive in fire country !!!

Obito and Rin are both starting to feel uhh,, a bit of guilt for having so thoroughly gaslit Sukea into thinking he's Kakashi, especially as when they arrive, they are hearing rumors of how there are plenty of other fake Kakashi's hounding Sakumo.

And like. Oh man, if their Kakashi is caught as a fake it'll probably fucking crush him. They've convinced this man that he's going to meet his long-lost father.

But also, hey, if they get him in, everyone's happy, right? Sukea gets a father, Sakumo gets a son, Rin and Obito get their money!

And then they'll split ways. And that's fine. Obito is so fine about that. There's no reason at all why he'd feel bad about having to split up from Kakashi now, like, at all. In the slightest. Shut the fuck up Rin.

(Obito might be starting to catch a feeling or two and its just all a mess. It's a slow moving car crash and they're in too deep to back out now)

So they approach Sakumo— or try to, anyways. Seeing as he's, yk, the last standing Hatake, important guy, all that, they don't get very far. But they do manage to get an audience with one of his servants. Who for this we're going to say is uhhhhhhh

throwing a dart at a board here, yk what? Dan. Sakumo's trusted second in this au is gonna be Dan, Tsunade's dead boyfriend. Good for him.

So they get an audience with Dan, and Obito and Rin are like "omg look its the REAL Kakashi !!!!" and Dan is like "yeah thats what the last 10 "real Kakashi's" all said."

But he starts asking Kakashi questions, ab his history, all that, and it's going pretty well. Kakashi has remembered a lot of this, and had a lot more of it trained into him by Rin and Obito— who are, by the way, also in the room and sweating bullets as the interrogation happens.

But then Dan asks the final question. How did Kakashi get out of the palace that fateful day.

And Obito is like oh fuck I didn't tell him that one. But it's too late, bc Kakashi is thinking it over, and finally Kakashi goes,

"there was this boy,,, and he,, opened up a wall, I think. For us to escape through."

Which, again, Obito never told anyone about.

So Obito is like [incredibly loud 10 car pile up noises] oh FUCK this is THE ACTUAL KAKASHI

but he cant say shit bc the interview is ongoing and hey, good news, they passed!! Dan will go tell Sakumo he has (another) Kakashi here to see him.

So as they wait, Kakashi wanders off for some fresh air and Obito tells Rin what he realized, and Rin is like, oh my GOD????? Oh fuck, we ,,, actually found his family. Obito, we actually found the Hatake heir

and Obito is like I KNOW!!!

and Rin is like Obito, we FOUND THE ACTUAL HATAKE HEIR !!!!!

And Obito is like I KNOW !!!!!!!!!!!

So they're freaking the FUCK out but then Kakashi comes back in and they have to pretend like they weren't hyperventilating 2 seconds ago while Kakashi kinda side eyes them and goes "damn, and I thought I was nervous about this"

So. They are allowed to see Sakumo.

Specifically, Obito is allowed to see Sakumo while Rin and Kakashi wait outside in the hallway.

So Obito is brought in by Dan, whos like,

"hey boss, this is uhh—"

"Uchiha Obito"

"This is Uchiha Obito, he claims to have found Kakashi."

and Sakumo, who is hella depressed and totally sick of this shit, is like "oh great, another one."

and Obito is like, "omg ur uhh. Highness. Majesty. Sir Hatake. Fuck."

And Sakumo is looking at him, very visibly unimpressed, and it's really not helping Obito's nerves right now.

So Obito tries to make his case but Sakumo is frankly just not hearing it— he's seen so many fake Kakashi's and he's just. So tired. He wants to be left alone. His son is dead, he's given up hope.

And suddenly Sakumo is squinting and going, wait what was your name again?

And when Obito tells him, Sakumo is snorting and going "yeah bitch, I've heard of you. Werent you holding auditions for a good person to play Kakashi?"

and Obito kind of bluescreens and is like, "I mean— Yes, but— Listen, you dont understand, this is the real Kakashi!"

And Sakumo is like "Yeah, sure he is kid. I bet you trained him real nice and authentic too. Bet he's very impressive. Get the fuck outta here."

And Dan pushes him out of the room— straight into Kakashi. Who heard everything and has made some pretty damn logical assumptions, and is now totally devastated

So Kakashi Rin and Obito (but mostly Kakashi and Obito) get into a shouting match as Kakashi is just. Devastated. So what, Obito and Rin have been using him this entire time? It was all a lie? They never really thought he was Kakashi, they just played into his vulnerability and desire to know his family, because they wanted the reward money?

And Obito and Rin both are trying to say no, they promise— Or well, at first, but you have to hear them out, he's the real deal!

But they're tripping over their words in their panic and Kakashi— Sukea —isn't hearing it. Isn't interested.

Sukea stomps off, leaving a totally devastated Obito and Rin and a pretty awkward Dan, who just kinda stood by and watched this all happen like "damn, tough luck"

But it's not over yet, Obito and Rin both refuse to let it be over yet. So Rin distracts Dan as Obito proceeds to car jack Sakumo when he goes to leave the opera house this whole thing went down at.

And Sakumo is like "I will literally fucking kill you. Pull the car over NOW." as Obito is absolutely terrified for his life but more determined than ever (and just praying the glass between him and Sakumo protects his ass)

And they finally get to the hotel Kakashi and them had been staying at, and Obito slams the door open and is like "LOOK—"

Sakumo punches him in the face.

Obito is pretty sure his nose just shattered.

Obito tries again, through the blood and pain, with a now harder to understand but no less determined, "LOOK—"

His nonstop determination to be a fucking maniac is impressing Sakumo just a little bit by now, so he decides to see what this loser has to say.

Obito gives Sakumo the music box he picked up from the palace way back in the beginning of all of this, and begs him to just see Kakashi. And Sakumo, sick and tired of all of this but genuinely shaken by the reappearance of his son's music box... agrees.

So! Sakumo heads upstairs to where Kakashi is very angrily packing his shit up, getting ready to haul his ass back to Iron Country, alone. And he knocks on the door and Kakashi shouts at him to go the FUCK AWAY, OBITO !!!! HE DOESNT WANT TO SEE YOUR LYING BITCH ASS EVER AGAIN !!!!!!

And Sakumo is like, "well. You have the attitude to play my son, at least."

And Kakashi freezes and is like, "oh my god Im— Im so sorry. Oh fuck, Im so sorry, why are you here, I— I'm sorry, this is a waste of you time, I never meant to pretend to be your son, I just wanted to know who I was"

And Sakumo just kind of watches him as Kakashi keeps talking, apologizing, cursing Obito and Rin's names both, trying to explain he had no idea that this was supposed to be a con, refusing not to even look at Sakumo.

Kakashi just keeps talking till Sakumo finally interrupts, admitting, "I have to say, you are the most convincing actor I've seen so far."

Kakashi kind of blanks.

They talk.

Kakashi shares things he remembers. Sakumo listens. He tries not to hope, he tries so hard not to hope, but he can't help the feeling that wells up inside of him each passing moment that Kakashi speaks.

This entire time, Kakashi has had a necklace. It's nothing too special; he likes to fidget with it sometimes. He's had it as long as he can remember. It's now, that Sakumo notices it. Asks him what it is.

"What, this?" Kakashi looks at the necklace, which he genuinely forgets he has sometimes. "I've had it since.... forever, I guess."

Sakumo shows him the music box, and immediately, Kakashi knows what to do.

The necklace fits into the music box's lock like it was made to be there. Probably because it was.

Kakashi looks at Sakumo with the same painfully hopeful eyes, the same expression of 'Was this it? Did I do it right?' that he used to aim at his father whenever he learned something new.

Sakumo crumbles.

So!!! Reuinion time !!!! Kakashi and Sakumo both cry, it's a big messy thing, they are very happy. Tears and emotional vulnerability all around.

Rin finally makes it home, looking a little ruffled from some presumed off screen fight between her and some security guards, but fine over all. She approaches Obito, gasping out an urgent, "How did it go?"

Obito doesn't even look at her, only nods up towards the second story window. "Look for yourself."

Rin follows his gaze, greeted with the sight of father in son hugging each other like they were scared the other would disappear if they loosened their grip so much as a single fraction.

"Oh." Rin says, torn between awe and relief.

"Oh." Obito echoes, feeling about the same way.

Later that week, Obito is called in to accept his reward money. He's already discussed it with Rin, and they both agreed— they can't accept it. It... doesn't feel right.

Sakumo is surprised. Impressed, even. He walks Obito out and they pass by Kakashi, who is like, "well have a GREAT life, Obito. With all your stupid REWARD MONEY, since that's all you ever REALLY wanted!"

And Obito doesn't argue, doesn't deny it, just leaves. Figuring it's the best thing he can do for Kakashi. But as he goes, Sakumo turns to Kakashi and is like "yeah so he didnt accept the money lmao"

Kakashi blue screens.

"He,,, didn't accept,,, the money?" Then, what was this all for? What the fuck? Kakashi, above all else, finds himself really fucking mad.

So what. Obito and Rin trick him, lies to him, brings him here under false pretenses that... end up not being so false, if only by chance. Then they have the gall to NOT accept their reward, to return home in defeat, abandoning Kakashi here, like cowardly little BITCHES

Long story short: Kakashi chases after Obito in the street. It's a very busy street, they have a large audience— not that either of them seem to care.

There is screaming. There may be a punch thrown. Possibly two.

In the mess of it all, someone kisses the other. It's unclear who starts it, but the next thing Kakashi knows there are lips on his, teeth clicking angrily against his teeth as they swap from fighting with their fists to fighting in a much less effective way.

When Kakashi drags Obito back inside, his father doesn't look as surprised as Kakashi feels like he should.

Umm then they all lived happily ever after, the end <3

I ended up not really using a Rasputin character for this, which tbh Im ok with. I think the more down to earth take is kinda fun in itself, so I'll stick to it.

Anyways. On the flip side:

Sakumo as Anastasia

I think Sakumo could make a particularly interesting Anastasia in part due to his age. Because where Kakashi is this young man, honestly still probably like 18/19 year old guy, reuniting with his dad, learning about his past, all of that good stuff— Sakumo is in his early 30's, a whole grown man with a child, doing the same thing.

There's no cap on how old you can be to learn about your past or rediscover yourself, and I think Sakumo would make a fun Anastasia for that alone.

Also it's an excuse to use his mother in a plot, lmao

Sakumo has already had Kakashi, so he's like lugging around his 5 year old son with him this entire adventure, which is fun for the both of them.

I think the sanin would make for a very funny Dimitri and Vladimir. It's Jiriyah and Tsunade leading the charge on this excellent get rich quick scheme, Orochimaru is along for the ride

I spent so long on Kakashi as Anastasia, I kind of don't want to go too in depth with a Sakumo as Anastasia au, but like. It could be fun. Obviously, it'd hit p much all the same beats— this is one of those easy AUs that follow the original story pretty much one to one, tho idk if Sakumo's route would include any romance like Kakashi's did

Uhh, Sakumo/Orochimaru anyone I guess? I do love that pairing, it is true

Anyways now I'm watching this and this compellations of Dimitri, picturing him as Obito, Vladimir as Rin, and Anya as Sukea/Kakashi and having way too much fun giggling about it

Final thoughts: Anastasia is an excellent movie, you should watch it.

Anonymous asked:

oh that Anastasia au. Holy shit. That's so juicy. There are 10 million delightful ways to plah w Anastasia aus in Naruto

I'm going to level so hard though as someone who primarily remembers the musical adaptation which has a different villain. I now cannot stop imagining Obito as Gleb for The Neva Flows and its reprise bc hooooooo boy. Maybe Team Ro as the con squad?

Referencing [THIS] au

YEAHHH ANASTASIA AU !!

I am ashamed to say I did not even know it had a musical adaptation, tho this does make a lot of sense to me. I am cheering and nodding with u tho, so true bestie, I trust ur judgment fully

I looked up The Neva Flows reprise and man, it fucked so hard actually. I dont know the full context but it isn't hard to get the jist of it, and like,,, man,,, Obito killing (or trying to hype himself up to it) Kakashi in the name of the revolution,, for the crime of being the last hatake,,, ough,, could be an au all on its own tbh, might have to think about that later

Team Ro would make an amazing con squad tho, I would love to see it. Shisui is in the lead but Itachi is holding the reins. Tenzo is also there. Kakashi won't know what hit him!

Notes:

this one might be another in the running for a favorite au of mine, I cant lie

Chapter 105: Tobirama being a tearful drunk

Chapter Text

Ok but Tobirama being an over emotional, tearful drunk.

This isn't much of a problem for a couple reasons (namely that he rarely ever drinks, and that when he does, it takes a lot to get him drunk) but when he does get drunk there's a 99% chance he will begin to cry and it's just a fucking Experience for anyone in the surrounding area to witness bc just. The horror. The horror of Senju Tobirama crying (most likely over the most inconsequential thing ever)

Make it funnier actually, make Hashirama a sullen, angry drunk. They both get shit faced and just swap personalities and its unsettling as all hell to witness. It feels unnatural. It is unnatural.

Anyways. Tobirama getting drunk with Madara and its all going fine. Tobirama is one of those guys who the drink hits them all at once, so like he doesn't even seem that drunk one minute. And then Madara looks away and when he looks back Tobirama is full on messy crying into his cup

Chapter 106: Unrelated things

Summary:

Just a couple small, silly, unrelated things. World building, Obito being a freak crack, a valentines day poll, etc.

Chapter Text

Thinking about really small world building things tonight.

Like.

The shinobi equivalent of finger guns being miming throwing a shuriken. And if you do it to ur buddy and they wanna reciprocate, they're supposed to mime catching it

@m00rhen 🔄

Dawg can I steal this?

Or we can do a trade where I tell you my world building headcannon that the Shinobi have a sign language (separate from common and once again separate from anbu) and it's all really formal business, attack, report etc language but there's random words like crow, bitch or whiny etc that have been made by some random people and caught on. It's funny bc they'll have a formal conversation with stuff like "the airborne red patterned mammal took the square shiny stone that was the target [of mission] and then the mammal loosened it's appendage and the stone moved downwards and located itself on the whiny small male humans head, His overseer is a bitch and would not hand objective [of mission] over." Etc

Also instead of it's raining cats and dogs they say it's raining summons.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

OH BUT I LOVE THAT !!! Also steal away pls, I post to further my own agenda

I think it's just so fun to think about the specific, small little culture and communication quirks of a fictional society,,, Pretty much every common phrase we have now adays comes from some sort of reference from some sort of specific thing, which may or may not exist in a fictional world. So like, just having fun thinking about alternative phrases n stuff,,,

I just love fantasy culture tbh

I so agree tho, theres SO some sort of shinobi standard sign language (and then probably several unique sign languages specific to villages / anbu / countries / even specific teams)

its probably basically mandatory to know at least standard, and most shinobi will know several versions of it.

Mmm,,, enemy agents having 'decoy' languages they'll use when they notice an enemy team have members w a bloodline limit that might help with memorization / interpretation,,, they cant risk an Uchiha learning their specific village sign language

I think especially specific teams (and ANBU) would cycle through changes in the language often, to keep it harder for enemies to guess.

The constant changing would also in general promote keeping ur brain all nice and sharp, which is probably very important for a shinobi. Gotta stay sharp!

in Boruto they're like "the golden age of the shinobi world is over…" which kind of cracks me up because that means the "golden age of the shinobi" lasted like. Less than a single generation, honestly.

Maybe two if you stretch, but that'd mean counting the multiple super ugly wars and shit, and I dont. Know if I'd count that as any sort of "golden age"

Tho maybe they're referencing the shinobi's overall power (over the general population people) …?

But also, if we say they aren't and are actually referencing the shinobi world prospering, that'd make it like…. From Kakashi being made Hokage to current year.

So like. 20 years, tops. (Giving a vague 10 to Kakashi and another vague to Naruto for their runs as Hokage)

Shit's equal parts depressing and hilarious tbh

I know that "era's" aren't really set periods in time but just refer to a major shift in life /culture or whatever but like. Pretend u don't know that idk, the thought amuses me so let me have this

The shinobi world gets 20 years that they universally agree on as really good, then it all goes back to shit. That's life, I guess

Alright chat it's time to think ab the valentines prompts !!!! I am thinking. I am having thoughts.

Love at First Bite

Vampire au OR Kakashi resisting his hashtag Hatake instincts to bite people he loves (??)

Or . Kakashi keeps biting people, so specifically to get him to stop, Sakumo lies and says in Hatake culture, biting someone is like a proposal. And if they bite back ur married now. And you wouldn't want to get married, now would u Kakashi? And Kakashi is like "oh no but I already bit Obito, what does that mean D:" and Sakumo is like "Well, I guess that means u proposed. That's so embaressing for u which is why u shouldn't do it again."

Then Obito bites Kakashi in a fight and Kakashi screams in horror bc they have to get MARRIED NOW !!!!!!!!

Otome Game / Affectionate Meter

(Aka Tobirama's personal hell)

Romance sim no jutsu fic where Tobirama wakes up to find otome game mechanics (affection meter and dialogue options) have been added to his life. He despairs.

Thisd just be the romance sim no jutsu au I talked about a while ago tbh

Incubi / Succubus

Incubus Kakashi who's super low key about it. He actually isn't really into sex but bc he can feed off ambient sexual energy, he basically just snacks on the energy radiating off of icha icha all day and is... okish.

Or like. He's not even a fr incubus but the Hatake bloodline limit is actually smthn comparable to that. So he uses it as an example of what it's like.

Obito finds out and loses his fucking mind bc KAKASHI SEX DEMON REAL????? He becomes convinced that he's obsessed w Kakashi bc Kakashi worked his freaky incubus magic on him. Also this means it's suddenly ok for him to be super horny ab Kakashi but he swears it's ONLY bc hes a sex demon, ok?????? He literally can't control it u guys this isn't on him. It's not. He swears.

Meanwhile, Kakashi: *literally just standing there, the only visible skin his hands toes and like a third of his face*

My heart is in your hand (literally)

Regina Mills type beat where person A has person B's heart and can use it to command them. Thinking either mdtb or iztb, but obkk could make for an interesting one just bc of Obito's heart seals.

Festival of love

Senju fuck fest. That's it. That's the fic. The Senju have a festival and the main event is an orgy. The fic itself is just the Madara and Izuna reaction to this terrible, terrible knowledge. The Uchiha are way more conservative and legit horrified at this information. Unfortunately they also JUST signed the peace treaty and village plans so they are now burdened w the knowledge that the annual senju orgy WILL be happening within village walls.

There's no actual smut its pure reaction and implication

I will write for (at least) one of these. someone choose which one tho bc I do not wish to.

love at first bite 31.8%

otome game / affection meter 18.7%

Incubi / Succubus 17.8%

My heart is in your hand (literally) 5.6%

Festival of love 26.2%

U guys get to choose which one you wanna see as a one shot, choose wisely pls

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

The people want what they want, which is apparently for me to continue my trend of writing almost exclusively kid Kakashi, apparently

If Kakashi interacted with his younger self I think there'd be a solid 40/60 of him either going "Damn...thats a whole baby..." or "Someone should put that thing down."

Kakashi would be like "wow, look! Its all of the things I hate about myself, at an age where I was ungrateful for what I didnt know I had, also wrapped in a very annoying and bratty attitude! And, oh man how convenient, he's in such an easily kickable form!"

#does anyone else see my vision say yes #konoha office drama.....

Need to see Tobi singing Creep by Radiohead at the office Christmas party, then tear up and say "he's just like me for real" before making casual mention of having watched Kakashi sleep the previous night.

Rin, who is office HR, does nothing and continues to insist he's harmless. Behind her, Tobi has begun to carve hearts into Kakashi's desk with a butchers knife. Kakashi grows more concerned for his safety with each passing minute.

Little does Kakashi know that Sarutobi will never fire him because Tobi is the office's diversity hire (mental illness) and if he fires Tobi, he'd have to get a new diversity hire, and Danzo says he'll stop sucking his dick if he let's any other of "those queers" into the office.

Chapter 107: Hikaku and Tobirama alliance to sleep w Madara in an attempt to calm him the hell down and tie him to the village

Summary:

You read the title

Chapter Text

#hikaku..... i love you hikaku...

Very rare nsfw Bird au !! Pls do not interact if ur a minor or I'll fucking kill myself, and then no one will get anymore Naruto content because I'll be dead

So, you know that one type of fic that's like "Tobirama sleeps Madara in an attempt to calm him the fuck down / give him something to focus on / tie him to the village so he will be less likely to leave or self destruct" ?

Ok so THAT. but now throw Hikaku in there to help. They are teaming up to try and tie Madara down before he doom spirals

Ok so. Hikaku and Tobirama talk about how they're worried about Madara's looming self implosion / mental state

Tobirama is like "don't worry, I'll take care of this."

And Hikaku is kinda press x to doubt but also kinda "alright, good luck"

Only for a couple days later Madara to seem to calm down / have become dramatically more smug and peaceful.

So, yk, Hikaku is like "woah, Senju-sama what did you do? Whatever it was, keep it up, this is wonderful I haven't seen him so level in months."

And Tobirama is like "Hmm. Yes. Letting him have his way with me certainly did seem to help calm him, didn't it?"

And Hikaku is like record scratch car crash noises "letting him WHAT."

So Tobirama explains that yeah, he let Madara fuck him. A lot. Also he would NOT shut up during it, which Tobirama also just kind of let happen which also seemed to help...? Double time therapy, I guess

And Hikaku is like. Head in his hands. If it works it works...? He guesses...? Oh my god he wish he didn't know this tho

BUT THEN.

Tobirama is gone for a week on a mission, and Madara is looking pretty bad. Like, sharp decline, he is in a bad way. And Hikaku, panicking, is like "oh fuck what would Tobirama do" and then ends up throwing himself at Madara out of desperation

It works !! Surprisingly well !! There were a couple hiccups at first maybe, but Madara and Tobirama were never exclusive or anything (and Madara might have partially agreed out of spite for Tobirama)

Madara calms down, Hikaku is left with his head spinning and very "fuckkkkk ok, too late to back out now. It worked, we are commiting"

Tobirama comes back and is pleased, less work for him. Good job Hikaku, he knew u were a real one

Now, this is purely tactical for Tobirama (at that point) it's a strategic fuck to calm Madara down, with a bonus of usually being good for him.

So he is pleasantly surprised Hikaku backed him up. He would have thought Hikaku might try and find someone else to throw at Madara, the fact he would sacrifice himself only further proves his loyalty to the village in his eyes

Hikaku one of the real ones fr, Tobirama's trust and respect in him is on the rise

Hikaku still has his head in his hands as he digests the fact this is his life now

Meanehile: In Madara's little world, rhe senju bastard AND his hot most loyal man in the world are throwing themselves at him. He is convinced he's winning.

And like, he is, to be fair. But only because of the mental illness

Madara is sitting around creating convoluted soap opera plot lines for the three of them in his head.

Like, he's imagining Hikaku and Tobirama office cat fighting over him, one of them getting jealous over the other, competing for his attention and affection. Two of Konoha's most powerful, well respected, high ranking shinobi... and they are fighting over Madara... he's so back..

Meanwhile Tobirama and Hikaku are telling eachother ab their recent Madara interactions and going "oh good, that should keep him calm for a few days" and nodding at eachother like "we are in this mess together, my brother in arms"

So, Madara ends up noticing the vibes in that corner and then he possibly ends up getting jealous of them spending too much time alone together (they are strategizing on what to do with/to him next) and gets even more pouty and mad even after they fuck, because "I bet this bitch was thinking about Tobirama/Hikaku the whole time >:(

(Meanwhile, Madara was the one thinking about the other the whole time. Mostly in the context of them joining them)

He finally snaps and rejects one of Tobirama's advances while saying something stupid shit like "why don't u just go sleep with HIKAKU, since I know thats where you REALLY wanna be. You think I haven't noticed you sneaking around with him, huh? Huh? Whore."

And Tobirama is like "are we seriously doing this now? Is this seriously what we are doing? Ok."

And Tobirama and Hikaku now have to strategize to come on to Madara TOGETHER or smthn, or at minimum put on some sort of production to feed into his sudden insecurities so they can guide him out of them

Madara meanwhile remains suspiciously fixated on the idea of them sleeping together (without him!!!! How dare they!!!!)

All of that is to say:

Tobirama and Hikaku end up sleeping together for Madara and having to put on a big show of it just to make Madara feel like he still has the power here.

Tobirama is largely indifferent to this turn of events, Hikaku remains "oh my god how is this my fucking life" but also "well. It's for the greater good, I guess. Not like it's a horrible fate for me."

So anyways: Hikaku and Tobirama alliance to try and calm Madara the fuck down via fucking and letting him fuck them. Pass it on.

Chapter 108: (Genshin Crossover) Kaveh accidentally kidnaps Naruto and Gaara. No, really, it was an accident.

Summary:

Kaveh starts complaining about how broke he is and how the kids are eating up his meager savings, and Gaara goes "you should have mentioned this before. I could have taken something from father's treasury to help."
Kaveh, for the very first time: "did I... take the child of someone important...?"

Chapter Text

I want to think about Kaveh (genshin impact) in Naruto but I haven't touched Genshin for longer than an hour in over a year now. I never even officially met Kaveh, I never hit his quests. So Idk if I can do him justice

But like, ,,, ough,,, Kaveh in Naruto ,,,, my babygirl most ever,,,

#the first time I saw Kaveh I literally said ‘he’s beautiful’ out loud #only genshin character that lives rent free in my brain (he needs it he’s broke)

I have recently played genshin and let me tell you, Kaveh would take one look at Naruto and immediately go bankrupt as he tried to raise a child without legally being his guardian

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Yeah that sounds about right

Actually now I need Kaveh and Tsunade to interact solely so they can be blonde broke bitches together. I think Kaveh would be SO judgy about her gambling habits, it'd be funny

Blonde broke bitch alliance,,,

Ok actually yk what? I wanna see Kaveh accidentally kidnapping Naruto.

He's stuck in naruto land for some reason, but is kinda sticking to being on the road— looking for a way back home, or at least something hinting towards it. Uzushio sounds like a good place to investigate, with rumors of ancient seals and all that, so he's probably aiming for there.

And along the way yk, hes totally interested in the culture and architecture of this new strange land, so he's putting conscious effort into learning about things (and clans)

So he visits Kohona for a couple days, intending to hit the road soon after, and during his time there he finds Naruto and he's like struck by this sad poor little meow meow orphan and is like, "oh man you poor baby,,, come with me we can travel together on the road and I will take care of u,,"

And so Kaveh just kinda picks up Naruto, and Naruto is like, starry eyed and at the height of "I will imprint on anyone who so much as looks at me for longer than 5 seconds without disgust in their eyes" (let's say he's like. 6 or 7. Idk.) And ofc goes along with it

Naruto is like "I'm gonna be Hokage one day, believe it!"

And Kaveh is like "I dont know what that means but hell yeah kid! Chase ur dreams!"

And instantly Naruto is like "🥺 do u mean it"

And Kaveh is like "???? Uhh yeah, sure"

And Naruto is like "I changed my mind. When I grow up I am going to be ur architecture assistant and we will be family forever and build a big house for us and all of our friends to live in and—"

(Bonus points if Naruto sees Kaveh is a blonde and starts kind of wistfully daydreaming about them being blood relatives at some point)

So, yk, Kaveh entered the city as a civillian and they did the basic checks and he sees fine, so there's not much scrutiny on him. This is also during peace time so security isn't as crazy high as it might have been literally any other year he could visit. The fact that he's very obviously not a shinobi totally helps

So there isnt anyone really watching Kaveh?

And also security on Naruto is embaressingly weak, as evidenced by that time he broke into the hokage tower. So Kaveh leaves the village, and when Naruto tries to follow him— no one actually notices

I'm thinking. Kaveh left the village through proper channels, told Naruto he'd come back maybe. But Naruto was like "oh no my only friend is leaving and will NEVER come back :(" and decided to just. Follow him.

And when Kaveh notices him, Naruto begs to come with him. And hes already packed all his most important belongings too!! (It's an embaressingly small collection of things. And half of it is just packets of instant noodles)

Its the sad collection of 'all his worldly posessions' that especially hits Kaveh like a truck, and after a bit of deliberating hes like. Fuck it. You're a no one orphan and people in that village are SHIT. They won't even notice ur gone, and I can give u a better life. Come on kid, let's go to Uzushio together

And Naruto loses his mind celebrating and they set off into the sun hand in hand....how beautiful...

Meanwhile back in Kohona someone realizes Naruto is gone and the collective upper ranks of people lose their goddamn shit

THEY LOST THE FUCKING KYUUBI JINCHURIKI !!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The fact that Naruto left of his own free will makes investigating who "took" him so much harder, but Kaveh was probably seen in his company multiple times by more than a few people (but disregarded as not a threat) so they eventually narrow it down to him. But like. It takes an alarming amount of investigation, unfortunatley

But like uhh. Kaveh and Naruto road trip to Uzushio,,, they are both learning about the Uzumaki clan together, having this great adventure exploring the shinobi world from the POV of civillians. Kaveh is teaching Naruto math and art and writing and reciting all this poetry n shit from the academy, and just in general giving him an honestly really good education. He's teaching Naruto the tools he needs to be an architect, since Naruto seems to be interested in it

(And then when they get to Uzushio they can maybe also have fun dissecting Uzu architecture and how seals interacted with it,,,)

They also have, just, NO fucking clue about the political disaster they've created. Both of them think Naruto is a nobody orphan and that legit no one will notice he's gone.

They are living in their fluffy found family road trip arc while they leave a massive fucking bonfire behind them.

Because of some sort of convolouted reason (possibly relating to how Kaveh's vision interacts with chakra maybe(?)) It is actually really hard to track them (don't think ab it too hard)

So Konoha is also freaking out bc they !! can't !! Find them !!!! This Kaveh guy must be an evil mastermind of some sort...this is awful...this is so fucked up...

Meanwhile, Kaveh is like half a mile from the konoha team sent to hunt him down and blissfully unaware of the looming danger as he uses his last dollar to buy Naruto some pork buns

Honestly I just want to see this kind of slapstick comedy of the anbu team continuously running into road blocks and coincidental decoys. And they keep going "holy shit this Kaveh guy is a mastermind, hes 5 steps ahead of us, this is so fucked up hes so dangerous" while Kaveh just. Has NO idea any of that is even happening. He and Naruto are living in their own little world rn

Konoha is also officially in a lose-lose situation bc there is little to no way to separate Naruto from Kaveh without irriversably damaging something.

God fucking help them if they try to kill Kaveh to get Naruto back— and understandable move on their part, with what little they know, but probably the WORST thing they could do here

Bad ending where they finally catch them and either kill or nearly kill Kaveh (which also, from Naruto and Kaveh's POV, comes out of FUCKING NOWHERE) and Naruto freaks the fuck out and goes full jinchuriki on them bc thats like. His older brother / dad figure who's basically adopted him at this point. And they just KILLED HIM !!!

They drag Naruto back to Konoha and try to "de-program" him from Kaveh's "brainwashing" but its too late and Naruto is officially deeply fucked up and traumatized by this entire thing.

By the time anyone even realizes the misunderstanding they can't fucking admit it because "sorry we accidentally killed that civillian u imprinted on, we probably should have just asked nicely for you back but I guess that was an oopsy teehee on us" sounds SO bad when ur trying to brainwash a kid into being loyal to the village again.

So literally their only choice is to just double down and commit to "no he was evil and we saved you from him" in the hopes that if they say it enough, Naruto will believe it

Thats the bad ending tho. Maybe Kaveh survived, who knows

Angry momma bear Kaveh coming back for his fucking kid ,,,,

Could a dendro vision be mistaken for mokuton? That could be fun to play with also ,,

Anyways ummm. I kind of also wanna see Kaveh adopting Gaara now too in his adventures, could be fun

Could be even funner if we continue the trend of "Kaveh keeps "kidnapping" important children without realizing they're important"

They go to Suna and Naruto runs into Gaara and they do the "Woah... ur just like me..." thing.

Then they get to talking and Naruto starts to share about everyone hated him but then he met Kaveh, who's special and taught him what a real family was like !!! And now they travel together and Naruto is so happy !!!

And Gaara hears "I have this special man who taught me what real love is like" and goes "Hm. Share perhaps?"

Long story short: Kaveh begins to be stalked by a creepy little 7 year old that everyone seems inexplicably terrified by. Which, like, look. He gets that the kid is weird but come on guys

Kaveh continues to be unimpressed by people in this world, smh

Naruto and Kaveh leave and Gaara trails after them and Kaveh is like "kid, I can't take you with me. You HAVE a family, you mentioned this to me already"

And Gaara is like, "teach me how to love or I will rend the flesh from your bones"

And Kaveh is like "Jesus fucking christ. First lesson on love: we do NOT threaten bodily harm on people we love, got that?"

And Gaara nods as internally he's going, wow I'm learning so much already

Kaveh, Naruto and Gaara road trip ,,, what could go wrong?

Kaveh continues to treat both Naruto and Gaara like the children they are, which blows both of their minds just a little bit. Especially Gaara, who had never had a normal human interaction in his life and is totally buying what Naruto said about Kaveh being "special"

Meanwhile, obviously, Suna is going fucking insane because they just LOST THEIR JINCHURIKI. you know, the KAZEKAGE'S CHILD?????

Gaara fully intends to go home. Eventually. Hes just gonna try and learn about this love thing first. His uncle will be very proud of how proactive he's being, he's sure

(Idk when his uncle was supposed to try and assassinate him and die bc of it, but for the sake of this timeline we are saying literally the same day Gaara fucked off with Kaveh. Unfortunate! Or fortunate, I guess)

On that note actually, Kaveh taking Naruto totally derailed the Uchiha Massacre btw. It was supposed to happen soonish, but the huge roar at the jinchuriki's dissapearence was a big enough diversion to put it on pause. Don't think ab it too hard, idk

Itachi ends up being part of the squad hunting Kaveh (team ro noises) and in the end, the Uchiha pull their coup when he's not looking and oops! They own the village now. Get fucked. Thanks Kaveh.

Anyways.

Kaveh starts complaining about how broke he is and how the kids are eating up his meager savings, and Gaara kinda goes "you should have mentioned this before. I could have taken something from father's treasury to help."

Kaveh, for the very first time: "did I... take the child of someone important...?"

Konoha and Suna join hands to try and hunt down the man who stole their jinchuriki's,,, alliance most ever ,,,

Idk where this is really going from here but just. Kaveh, Naruto and Gaara road trip. They still need to go to Uzushio. Learn some Uzumaki lore together, maybe unlock the secret of some ancient seals or two, idk

Kaveh eventually finds out these kids have literal actual demons in them and has to deal with that. But for a solid 90% of this he is none the wiser and thinks his kids are kind of freaks but overall harmless. No one tell him.

Doesn't Cyno have some sort of demon thing going for him? I really don't know much about him but I feel like I've heard that somewhere? But like, if he does, Kaveh potentially being somewhat normal ab the idea of demon possession or whatever

Tevat has some WILD shit in it, and Kaveh is a trooper. A loud, dramatic trooper who will lose his mind about the fact his kids were secretly vessels for demons the whole time, but a trooper

Kaveh and Kurama + Shukaku interactions,,,,, I need to see it ,,

Kaveh somehow interacts w Shukaku and his fear of a demon is overrided by motherly rage and they end up getting into a screaming match over parental rights over Gaara

Yk,, if theyre going to Uzu,, Kaveh somehow helping release the biiju anybody? Anybody? Could be fun.

Kaveh is such a genuinley good guy, this man is perpetually broke bc he keeps giving people passes on paying him for his work at every sob story (among other things, ofc)

I feel like if he learned the story of the biiju and had proper motivation + a method to free them, hed just do it. He'd just go for it. Hes a king like that. In Kaveh we stan.

Uhhh, as always, I have a couple more vague thoughts but I've been typing on and off as I work so a lot are escaping me. So Ill leave it here for now

Thank u thybirb for the jumping off point !! Ig I just needed smthn to kick the brain worms into gear.

Kaveh in Naruto,,, my beloved,,

@hibiscusseaart 🔄

ok but consider Alhaitham also landing in the naruto world just be

"Jesus fuck, Kaveh did it again". So now not only whole governments of local military settlements are going after Kaveh, but also his angry hubby.

Alhaitham somehow stumbles onto team Ro and be like "Did you see a man with a flying suitcase?"

Kakashi is just "...perhaps"

so long story short Alhaitham somehow convinces them that Kaveh really didn't meant it and probably stole that kid on accident be he was driven by his bleeding heart. So yeah no killing off Kaveh and creating an unstable kyuubi vessel

anyway also ppl think that Kaveh is Tsunade's son bc "mokuton" + blonde + fits the age

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

KAVEH BEING MISTAKEN FOR A SENJU IS SO GOOD YESSS I LOVE THAT, THERES SO MUCH POTENTIAL THERE!!!

They think he has the mokuton because of his dendro vision ,, he's so fucked. Konoha has major dibs, they want his ass locked down and in their pocket.

Congrats Kaveh, you're no longer going to be killed for taking Naruto!!! But only because Konoha wants to chain you to them. Don't let them catch you or else it's a short trip to T&I for you and a few months of being mind fucked till you're loyal!!

Does the timeline line up right with Tsunade to make her a potential (suspected) mother to Kaveh? I think it might, since she left after the 2nd war.

Kaveh, obviously, knows better and can and will deny it. But meanwhile, Tsunade spent most of the years after the war in a near permanant state of being blackout drunk. She has very, very little memories of the time, and got into a lot of shit she kind of willfully repressed

That is to say: Tsunade... can't 100% say she's never had a child...? She's suddenly so nervous, actually

Someone mentioned Kaveh's dendro vision maybe helping him hide from trackers, somehow covering his chakra in a sort of natural nature chakra-- also helping hide Gaara and Naruto, since they're close at his side

I love that so we're going with that explanation of how he's hiding so well without even knowing it. His dendro vision is just projecting this aura of "natural chakra" around him, masking their signatures. Rip to those who are trying to find him

Alhaitham is here now !! I think he'd be worried for Kaveh but also mostly "Kaveh knows how to take care of himself and stay out of (most) trouble"

Though I think the more he realizes how hostile this world can be towards genuinely kind people, the more he might worry for Kaveh. But also like, he has to have faith Kaveh can take care of himself— at least till he finds him

Alhaitham does not get to clear up the misunderstanding in my world bc I love misunderstandings and need to see Kaveh hunted for sport (and for my amusement)

Maybe he can try tho but like, I do truly doubt he'd be believed fully.

Like, ok, ur jinchuriki is stolen by a strange foreign stranger. You go on the hunt and find him to be incredibly evasive, top tier stealth skills here. Then as you're hunting him, he goes and steals another child jinchuriki

Suddenly, this other strange foreign man (who admits himself that he is friends with the first!!) shows up and tries to explain a "misunderstanding" that he himself doesn't even have the full context for

Maybe they could have at least tried to believe him if it were just Naruto, but w him taking Gaara also like. Nah they'd toss Alhaitham's ass in a cell to give to a Yamanaka for some mind fuck jutsus. Which Alhaitham probably isnt going to just sit around and let happen to him, rip

Alhaitham is going, "This is somehow Kaveh's fault, I just know it," as he actively bashes his way out of a prison. Jail break arc !!!!

Anyways thinking about just. Kaveh treating Naruto and Gaara like the children they are. Showing them genuine care and concern and motherly love. Gaara especially tbh— obviously they've both suffered but I'd like to believe Naruto got one or two good or semi normal interactions in his life before, or at least has been in the position to witness that sort of thing

But Gaara has just kind of been trapped in an absoloute nonstop torture freak show from day one.

Kaveh will show them motherly love and worry and Naruto will go "woah... so this is what it's like..."

but Gaara will full shut down "I dont understand what is happening. Why does my entire body feel warm? Why is he look at me like that? Why does it make me want to cry? What is happening to me? What is this? Am I broken? Have I been poisoned?"

The three of them get into some sort of fight and Kaveh puts himself in front to defend his kids. Naruto is all bluster "let me protect you!" Without any of the skill but Gaara is fully "idiot, I can protect you" *massacre noises*

Afterwards Gaara is bracing for the usual screams of terror and inevitable abandonment, but when Kaveh starts to yell it isnt about Gaara being a monster but instead about how could you put yourself in that sort of situation? I'm here to protect you, Gaara!

And he like wipes away the blood from Gaara's face, looking like he's about to burst into tears. And Gaara is so, so confused because this is not how it's supposed to go— its never gone like this, ever

I think Kaveh would lose his mind a little bit over the violence but also like, not as much as he could, for several reasons

He isnt a stranger to fighting, obviously. The desert is dangerous, and he's run into his fair share of scuffles— and obviously yk, has been on some adventures with the traveler.

He does exist in proximity with Collei, and while I don't think it's ever directly stated that he's aware of her circumstances, I'd like to believe he knows at least a little. So he isn't a stranger to the terrible circumstances of some children, which can lead them to have skills beyond their age

Also just: these are kids. These are kids and he cares about them. It would take a lot to get mr bleeding heart over here to genuinley disavow someone he's already imprinted on, especially a whole child

So yeah, just, Kaveh caring for Gaara even as he is faced with the inherent violence he is built on and filled with. Kaveh showing Gaara he can be loved, even through all the blood and bone. Kaveh seeing the carnage and running past it all to hug Gaara tight and asking if he's ok

Naruto is also there going :O in the background

He's like. 6. And also Naruto. So the fear is kind of overrided by "WOAH HOW DID YOU DO THAT???? THAT WAS SO COOL YOU BEAT THEM ALL SO FAST!!!!!"

They are friends first now (best friends, Naruto insists) so Gaara himself is a priority now, and even if it was kind of scary, they're still friends!!

also @sanska :

SO REAL HE'S SO FUCKING PRETTY ITS KIND OF INSANE !!!!

There are so many artists who do him so well, most beautiful man in Tevat fr, my favorite blond. Not to mention the fansong for him FUCKS, Writing on the Wall changed my life forever

I love when people draw and write him as wearing makeup ,,, my pretty princess ,, he lines his eyes in kohl every morning and has a whole skin care routine to protect his skin from the desert sun, pass it on. It's just canon to me.

@sanska 🔄

KAVEH

I want him and tobirama working on the town plan for Konoha together. They would get along and i know this because: Kaveh’s E 🤝 Tobirama explosive tags

Have his designs for the new village Reallllly lean into the ‘hidden in the trees’ aesthetic (fortree city in pokemon RSE maybe?) or just building pretty but practical housing to his hearts delight. Idk I just want him happy even in murder ninja village. He’s not a shinobi and he’ll never be because he can’t swing his giant sword without getting wrist pain and he’s also dressed in a million tiny accessories Tobirama calls a liability but whatever, he can make sure his new friends have a nice home to go back to at the end of the day and that’s all that matters in this funny new world

Him learning about fuuinjutsu too and maybe learning a few seals or noting them down in case he ever sees al-haitham again because he knows the other will be interested (but will he ever see Al-Haitham again? Or like the traveller in Teyvat is there no way home from this world?)

Chapter 109: Deidara and Itachi kidnap Kakashi as Tobi's surprise Christmas gift (and Obito freaks he fuck out)

Summary:

And Obito opens his door.
And it's.
Kakashi.
In his room.
On his bed.
In an Akatsuki uniform. Wrapped in ribbons.
And they make eye contact. And Kakashi goes, "Maah, I don't suppose you're—"
Obito closes the door.
Obito opens the door back up again.
"That was a little rude, don't you—"
Obito closes the door.
Obito crouches on the floor, just, head in his hands. He might be hyperventilating a little bit.

Chapter Text

#okay but how the hell does itachi+sasuke get out of that situation tho??? #also. i NEED there to now just be a THING where whoever gets Tobi for secret santa immediately goes and kidnaps kakashi for him since like #theyre not 100% sure how tobi felt abt it the first time but he sure was Feeling Things everyone could see that #and kakashi is like. fine. great. whatever. guess this is happening #(gets kidnapped every single fucking christmas. tobi has a breakdown abt it every single time and kakashi is just like There waiting him out #like have you calmed down yet? can we get to the talking and perhaps kissing bit now? #kakashi to the hokage like okay. i need to take time off every xmas for the forseeable future. why? oh bc im gonna be kidnapped #its kind of vacation time kind of an undercover mission but i pinky promise ill come back with valuable intel apparently the akatsuki are so #BAD at infosec and one of them keeps conveniently ignoring me escaping bc hes obsessed with me or smth #and the hokage is there like '....what'

This is a stupid one so gear up for that, but;

The Akatsuki celebrate Christmas with some sort of secret santa / gift swap thing.

Deidara gets Tobi, and is really mad about it because he'd gotten Tobi last year and ended up being mocked for his shitty gift giving skills (among other things)

This leads him to basically go, "shit ok fine. I will give this motherfucker THE best gift. A gift so good he will have no choice but to shut the hell up and just say thank you"

And so he's agonizing over what to give him, because also Tobi is a fucking weirdo and it's so hard to predict him. Deidara could spend hours of time thinking something up and then and hundreds of ryo actually getting something and the freak would make fun of it somehow, but if he got him a misshapen snail shell off the side of the road he might lose his mind in gratitude.

So this is like, a whole puzzle really

Then, he has it. Isn't there some Konoha nin the guy is not so subtly obsessed with...?

So yeah, Deidara kidnapping Kakashi (possibly roping someone else into helping him) as a surprise Christmas gift for Tobi.

This is about to be the worst most humiliating thing to ever happen to Kakashi.

We're going the itadei route because I love itadei, Deidara somehow ropes Itachi (and Kisame) into helping him kidnap Kakashi.

Deidara originally goes for Kisame for help thinking smthn up to get for Tobi, since they seem to get along, and Kisame is the one to mention his Kakashi obsession.

Deidara is like, "oh fuck???" And announces his new plans

Itachi is within earshot and makes a comment on how that's a stupid fucking idea, and seeing as Deidara couldn't even take him down, he'd count his chances with Kakashi.

(Which. Is a bit of an odd scale but don't think ab it too long)

Deidara is like "bitch??? So you can do better?? Huh???"

And Itachi is like "not that I would want to throw myself into such a useless fight. But yes, I could do infinitely better than you. In a lot of aspects in, frankly."

So this devolves and basically Itachi ends up tripping and falling and accidentally volunteering himself to help kidnap Kakashi.

Which, by the way, is not really something either he OR Deidara wants. But he's here now, so.

(*Itadei noises*)

Kisame also possibly ends up coming along for the ride too

So anyways, these guys head off to kidnap Kakashi !! Good for them.

Umm skipping through the entire adventure, Deidara and Itachi bicker (Deidara much louder than Itachi) Kisame treats this whole thing like it's a free comedy show, things (inevitably) get blown up, and, of course, Kakashi is ambushed

So like. Akatsuki, right? Terrorist organization with a goal of doing nefarious things to Jinchuriki. Obviously, Kakashi is kidnapped by them and assumes the worst.

He's a high ranking jonin, ex ANBU captain, close to multiple Hokages, and they were clearly directly targeting him. So yk, he's on guard. Tries to escape several times over, till Itachi dumps him head first in a genjutsu

(one that he loosens when it's Deidara's turn to keep watch, to give him someone to actually watch over so he can "feel useful" (and to annoy him)) <- this is also very disorienting for Kakashi

But instead of torturing Kakashi, when they arribe at their base they ?? Wrap him in ribbons ?? Like a fucking Christmas gift ???

Kakashi has no idea what is going on.

And then they dump him in what is clearly some guys bedroom ???? Without much else security ?????

Kakashi has no idea whats going on.

They do share a bit, and like, Kakashi picks up on what's happening pretty quick (though it makes the entire thing no less insane)

Apparently one of the Akatsuki members is... really into him...? Which, actually, is incredibly valuable information to have.

In general this entire thing is super educational for Kakashi— Deidara doesn't give a fuck what Akatsuki secrets he may let loose, Itachi is checked out from all of this and doesn't care enough to stop Deidara from running his mouth, and Kisame is somewhere in the realm of "as long as they don't talk about anything of our mission, it's probably fine?"

So like. Kakashi is learning things rn. Valuable things. Names and dynamics and whatever the fuck is happening in Itachi's corner of the world (that last bit he's especially interested in, both bc Konoha defect, Sasuke's older brother, and also just. Hey, he helped train that guy. Team ro nostalgia or whatever. There's something there)

They don't... seem to be interested in harming him...?

So for now, even as they leave him in a room he could maybe escape from if he tried to, he kinda self assigns himself a lowkey infiltration mission. A classic "get into their camps via being a prisoner but spy on them from the inside, since that position sees more than the outside anyways."

Which is to say: he doesn't try to escape.

Instead, he buckles in to wait and see where this takes him

So anyways then Obito gets back from wherever he's been off screen. Doing terrorism, probably. And he's also just in time for the akatsuki Christmas party, yippie

And Deidara is like, swanning around, nose in the air, "oh Tobi you'll NEVER guess what gift I got you... really you'll never guess... but it is GREAT and I am winning Christmas FOREVER after this"

And Obito is kinda curious but not too optimistic (he's like 80% sure it's gonna be another clay sculpture that blows up in his face like last year. Though maybe this year it'll be shaped like something he likes...?)

But he's in Tobi mode so he's giggling and going "omg senpai I can't wait <33 I hope you got me a cool stick teehee"

And then Deidara guides him to his own room, and they have a bit of an audience just from how fucking loud Deidara has been bragging about this (also multiple people at this point know what he did and they want to see the reactions)

And Obito opens his door.

And it's.

Kakashi.

In his room.

On his bed.

In an Akatsuki uniform. Wrapped in ribbons.

And they make eye contact. And Kakashi goes, "Maah, I don't suppose you're—"

Obito closes the door.

Obito opens the door back up again.

"That was a little rude, don't you—"

Obito closes the door.

Obito crouches on the floor, just, head in his hands. He might be hyperventilating a little bit.

Deidara is directly over his shoulder going "Huh? Huh? What do you think? Are you speechless or what? Hey, where's my thanks? Do you know how hard this was to do? I had to deal with fucking Itachi to do this, you know, so—"

And Obito, not in his Tobi voice but in his real, much deeper normal voice, interrupts him with, "I need you to shut the fuck up right now"

Deidara does shut up, actually. Miracle that that is. For all of like 10 seconds and mostly out of shock.

But then he's very much NOT shutting up as he puts his hands on his hips and starts going off about how this was SUPER HARD TO DO and Tobi BETTER BE FUCKING GRATEFUL !!!!!!!!!!

Obito is still crouched on the floor with his head in his hands going through every emotion known to man at once.

Kisame and Itachi are directly behind them eating popcorn w some other misc Akatsuki

Obito finally finds his words, which are "you KIDNAPPED KAkAshi??????!???????"

And Deidara is like "YEAH BITCH SINCE YOURE SUCH A SAPPY LITTLE PUPPY DOG FOR HIM I THOUGHT ID GO ABOVE AND BEYOND AS YOUR SENPAI !!! BUT IF YOURE GONNA BE UNGRATEFUL ABOUT IT THEN MAYBE ILL JUST GIVE HIM TO SOMEONE ELSE THEN!!!!"

and Obito is like "YOU CANT JUST G IV e HIM TO PEOPLE !!! HES— HES KAKASHI—!!!" and then quickly corrects himself with, "I MEAN— HE'S A MAN!!!!!"

and Deidara is like "ILL GIVE ANYONE TO ANYONE I DAMN PLEASE!!!!" and whirls around and points at Kisame and goes "YOU. DO YOU WANT HIM?"

And Kisame, who doesn't want him but thinks this whole thing is very funny, just goes, "he's cute."

Which sets Obito off in an entirely different direction, bc now he's screaming about how NO ONE IS GETTING KAKASHI because they are going to PUT HIM BACK IN KONOHA WHERE HE BELONGS

And Deidara is fully screaming too now because he went through SO MUCH FUCKING WORK TO GET THIS MAN HERE!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD HE WAS TO CATCH!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO SUBDUE HIM!!!!! AND HE HAD TO DEAL WITH ITACHI THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!! THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!!!!!!!! HIS SMUG ANNOYING ATTITUDE!!!!!!!!!

Itachi continues to eat his popcorn.

Obito and Deidara continue screaming at eachother till Deidara finally goes MOTHERFUCKER YOU ARE NOT WASTING MY HARD WORK and pushes Obito into the room then locks it.

Kakashi, who has heard absoloutley every word that was screamed directly outside his door, and also now feels a lot more safe and secure about his current situation (even as he has come to the tragic conclusion that he was kidnapped by idiots), gives a little bit of a wiggle and goes,

"I don't suppose you could untie me?"

Now. Obito could technically escape, either way kamui or just shifting through the walls

But it would require giving away one of his his trump cards to Kakashi. And also he... well. He does want to, to be clear. He is crawling out of his fucking skin with the desire to be anywhere but here

But at the same time, he... doesn't want to waste this opportunity to just be looked at by Kakashi

Not hiding in the shadows, invisible.

So anyways Obito and Kakashi like, talk idk. Maybe they kiss, who knows.

Kakashi is now fully aware that this guy is apparently a freak about him (and a stalker??? The others mentioned him knowing things he should not know about Kakashi, which is worrying) and he will use this knowledge to his advantage

Obito is not immune to Kakashi taking advantage of him somehow, nor is he immune to potentially letting Kakashi take advantage/trick him somehow, while pretending to be ignorant and keeping that supposed ignorance as a shield to justify to himself why it happened at all

What exactly happens in that room and what happens next is up for the readers to decide, have fun with that

Anyways. Next Christmas Deidara gets Itachi and is, yet again, really fucking mad about it.

He gets way overly invested in giving him the "best" gift, seeing it as an opportunity to "make that bastard be humble and say thank you"

And then because apparently all Deidara seems to know how to fucking do is kidnap people, (tho to be fair, "kidnapping people" is like one of the core foundations of the Akatsuki) he decides a great gift would be kidnapping that little brother of Itachi's for him !!!

He can kill him, torture him, whatever— Deidara doesn't care, he just wants the credit. Man, he's such a good gift giver.

Obviously, handing over the "present" (a terrified Sasuke) goes about as well as Obito's own Christmas gift the previous year. Possibly worse. Itachi is losing his fucking mind but quietly (the most dangerous way to lose it) and on the inside (there are nuclear explosions happening in his brain)

Sasuke is convinced he's about to be murdered and Itachi now has to think of a reason why he can't do that and also hopefully get Sasuke back to Konoha. But also if he just lets him go like he wants to, Deidara will legit lose his fucking mind, which would be annoying.

Hmmm. Torture his brother (again) or deal with Deidara potentiallg throwing a fit because no one ever "appreciates" his hard work in gift giving. What a difficult choice.

Anyways in another world, instead of fucking kidnapping the man, Deidara just made a vaguley horny Kakashi figurine for Tobi and had Sasori help him paint it.

Which ended up getting Obito to spiral and custom commission several more pieces of vaguley horny Kakashi merchandise, till he had a room full of it and could no longer deny the fact he's a certified freak

Umm then Itachi and Deidara make out sloppy style the end

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

The year after that Deidara gets Konan and, deciding that the past 2 years were great successes (for him anyways) he continues the kidnapping trend and gets her Jiriyah.

He dangles him from the ceiling and gives Konan a baseball bat to hit him like a piñata

It just kind of becomes a thing that 9 times out of 10, if Deidara gets someone for secret santa he doesn't know what to get for them, he will resort to kidnapping. It gets to the point that every Christmas, people will come up to Deidara and go "if you get me I want you to kidnap this specific guy."

Makes the whole thing so much easier for Deidara tbh

@tryingahandinholdingapen 🔄

Comments:

@audaciousanonj: "he had a room full of [horny kakashi merchandise]" ok so what I'M hearing is that there's a section in kamui where obito sends all his kakashi-themed merch and then when the fourth war happens and he kamuis kakashi, well... obviously the kakashi-themed-kakashi goes in the kakashi-themed section, right???

pls picture. kakashi, in the middle of the fourth war, abruptly teleported into a stalker shrine. there are photos of him. there are drawings of him, some incredibly horny. there are figurines of him, some ALSO incredibly horny. there's at least one pair of boxers that went missing sometime between kakashi throwing them in the laundry hamper and kakashi taking his laundry out of the dryer, and he is pointedly not wondering if they ever *did* go through a washing machine before ending up in the shrine. there are bingo book pages with his eyes crossed out and "LOSER" "LAME" "STUPID" written all over them. there are bingo book pages with hearts and "Uchiha Kakashi" doodled all over them. there is a jar with a horny kakashi figurine half-filled with a... dubious substance.

@oh-no-its-bird: this is the most beautiful thing Ive ever read, thank you. Absolutely accepted, I love this so much, Kakashi is wondering if he's somehow discovered a new circle of hell

"The Akatsuki need to constantly take bounties to keep up their funds and funnel some portions into running Ame"

Incorrect.

The Akatsuki are always in need of more funds because Obito keeps spending it on custom commission figurines and body pillows of Kakashi.

Happy birthday to my favorite naruto maniac !! May he have a wonderful day full of stalking his homoerotic childhood friend from the shadows

Chapter 110: Tobirama and Kakashi bodyswap through time pt.2

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 43

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Ok so, bringing this back actually (shout out to @rosyhatake for making me remember this exists w their comments just now)

Ok but no bc now I'm thinking about Tobirama struggling to figure out what the FUCK kinda relationship he's supposed to have with Minato and Kushina as Kakashi.

He goes to dinner with them and Kushina goes, "I told you to call me Kushina-neechan, didn't I? ;)" @ him, which she's been trying to tease him into calling her for YEARS— only Tobirama goes ahead and calls her neechan and suddenly the entire table just. Falls silent.

Kushina starts to tear up a little and Tobirama scrambles to figure out what the fuck he did wrong, bc she literally told him to call her that???? Should he have not have???? Was it a trap??????????

(In the background, Minato is wilting like an overwatered plant bc Tobirama has been calling him Hokage-sama all dinner)

Umm Butsama just kind of being an asshole and Tobirama getting to experience the joy of a good family in Kushina and Minato. He misses Hashirama but he's also getting to learn what it's like to have a big sister (and whatever Minato is)

Minato giving Tobirama silly fluffy missions is also extra fun bc like. Kakashi probably wouldn't have been fooled by these so called "important duties", but Tobirama would be even more unimpressed bc he doesn't fucking know Minato. There's none of the respect and dependence and history there between them. There isnt even the basic "you are my Hokage" loyalty there bc Tobirama is new to the idea of a Hokage ad a whole

So while Kakashi may have been dumped with a mission of taking care of a litter of puppies and went ",,,,this is fucking stupid but it's what my Hokage commands. I guess."

Tohirama is dumped with a mission of taking care of a litter of puppies and just. Gives Minato a disbelieveing, judgmental stare. Is this seriously what he does in his free time...? Chichuie would lose his mind if Tobirama ditched training to take care of a litter of puppies while on the clock

Thinking also. The summoning contracts being linked to their souls, and both Kakashi and Tobirama having their contracts at this point.

Tobirama tries to summon his snow leopards and they arrive confused and angry, bc a) who is this brat, who smells so strongly of Hatake dogs, and b) Tobirama's been dead for decades, so they ain't buying his story that easy

Meanwhile Kakashi tries to summon Pakkun, but he hasn't been born yet— so he gets dumped into the wolves summoning realm. Oops!! Idk where that'd go specifically, but like kid Kakashi in Tobirama's body getting a big ass wolf summon on loan maybe?

What if he finds Sakumo's old wolf summon when young,,, ooo that could be fun,, they wouldn't remember Kakashi, and also probably wouldn't know Tobirama— but let's go with half Hatake Tobirama here, so they smell Hatake on Kakashi and kinda pick him up by the scruff bc of it.

Oooo on that note actually: Kakashi being able to learn ab the Hatake clan while they're still strong and prevelant (which also kinds contrasts Tobirama learning ab the Uchiha which is fun)

To those who know ah my Hatake ocs, including the timeline I usually work off of, Tobirama is actually directly related to Kakashi— which also maybe plays into why this body switch happened to begin with —Tobirama's mother was the twins sister of Kakashi's grandmother, Hatake Haruka

So like. Kakashi getting to meet his grandmother for the first time ever— who also already knows and has a relationship with Tobirama, which adds even more drama bc Kakashi is tripping over his feet trying to play it cool as he "introduces" himself to his grandmother.

And Haruka is looking at him like ??? What the fuck got into her nephew ??? Did u eat something weird Tobirama? Are you sick? Should she be worried?

But just. Kakashi learning about his clan and getting to meet and interact with members he never even knew existed. Could be cute

I have a couple more vague thoughts (rin being around / izuna interactions / kakashi and his doomed quest to save uchihs lives / someone mentioned obito ghost marriage which could be interesting / just in general the thought of Tobirama trying to piece together who tf Obito was, to give his eye to a non Uchiha / etc.)

But I'll leave it here for now

Chapter 111: Madara and Izuna keep accidentally propositioning Tobirama via flower language, when they really mean to send death threats

Chapter Text

Dedicating this to @electricburnz, who made me think about this again, and @ahamasmiyodhah + @tryingahandinholdingapen who found the post for me, thank u

Ok so, based on this post, but taking it a little to the left and making it funnier and much more chaotic

So, Madara and Izuna both want to send Tobirama hate mail. More than that, they want to go the extra mile here, really do something petty. So, they both begin to look into flower languages with an intent to insult Tobirama by showing genuine effort put into their little "go jump off the hokage tower" messages.

It's to note here that both Izuna and Madara have no idea that the other is doing this. They both think it's their own original idea, and aren't mentioning it to the other.

So then, you ask, what is the difference between the two of them?

Well, Madara stops at ordinary flower language.

He goes to his local flower shop, asks the girl at the desk to help explain the meanings of a few things, then laughs maniacally as he starts putting together a bouquet that is essentially hate mail in flower form. Full of flowers that signify loathing, bad luck and ill omens, all that good shit

Izuna, meanwhile, takes a moment to think.

The Senju are a clan that practically worships the mokuton, arent they? Their whole thing is nature, so perhaps they would have different meanings for their own flowers...? He asks around, and finds that yes, they do, though most Senju seem to find it 'a waste of their time' to tell him much more

Luckily, Izuna manages to get his little paws on an old Senju flower language study, and uses it to make his own hate mail flower bouquet. Nice one Izuna!

Here's the twist though: Yes, the Senju do use their own flower language. They see it as the "true" meaning of flowers, and completely ignore anyone who tells them otherwise. But, it's updated every time there's a new mokuton user. The new mokuton user going through each flower and telling their clansmen the "real" meaning of each one. So the study Izuna found was way out of date and completely non applicable

Meaning that neither of the bouquets the brothers made say what they mean them to say.

#izuna keeps one of each type of flower he gave in a mini bouquet on his desk #so he can ensure tobirama receives a fresh bouquet when the original one begins wilting of course #this is also a senju practice #(for lovers. izuna’s research was incomplete. as it was for the senju hanakotoba) #every time he looks at the mini bouquet he giggles thinking back to tobirama running away #the mini bouquet also has the unintended consequence of keeping tobirama out of izuna’s office #when tobirama walks in and sees the mini bouquet on izuna’s desk he freezes then runs away again #(why is izuna keeping the mini bouquet! he must have been serious about the soft romantic flowers) #at first izuna is so triumphant #the flowers are so effective that tobirama can’t stand to be near me! #but after a few days of no tobirama izuna grows frustrated #how is he supposed to taunt his rival if he won’t show up? #besides the flowers have began to wilt #so he throws them out and prepares another bouquet #tobirama learns that Izuna threw out the mini bouquet and is devastated #because in Senju culture wilting flowers are still alive and appreciated #did Izuna not mean it after all? what does it mean!!

So !

Madara gives Tobirama his flowers. Tobirama looks at Madara. Standing smug and radiating 'I hate your guts' energy.

Tobirama looks at the flowers, which are filled exclusively with sexual innuendos and "I want to ravish you in the fields" flowers. Placed right in the center of the bouquet, higher than all the others, a single bloom that means "passionate forbidden love"

(eternal hatred, the store clerk had assured Madara)

Tobirama looks back at Madara. Still looking smug, staring at him expectantly.

Tobirama turns bright red and power walks away as fast as he can.

Madara takes the redness to mean anger and congratulates himself on a job well done, walking off smug and happy (but maybe a little disappointed there was no yelling. Still, he'd never seen the Senju run away before! Ha)

The next day, it's Izuna's turn.

Tobirama, feeling like someone has to be fucking with him at this point, looks at Izuna. Who is radiating what can only be described as 'I'm going to kill you in your sleep and enjoy it more than anyone should' energy.

Tobirama looks at the flowers, which are filled with meanings of 'innocent love in bloom' and 'soft, secret passion' and 'dreams of a better tomorrow.' Just a bunch of really cute, romantic, soft meanings

And Tobirama just. Once again, turns somehow an even brighter shade of red than the first time and runs away with his tail between his legs.

Izuna, just like his brother, is patting himself on the back for his hard work. Did you see the way he ran? Incredible. Izuna has to do this again to see if it gets the same reaction. Maybe next time he'll fill his office with the flowers...?

(Both times, it should be noted, Tobirama did in fact take the flowers with him)

So, yk, Tobirama has no idea what's going on but feels like there has to be some sort of trick being pulled on him. He can not decide what any of this shit makes him feel

(if only one of the brothers had approached him, maybe he would have tried to reply in kind to their perceived genuineness, but the fact that it was both...? No, no, he can not comprehend what the hell is going on there.)

I think it'd be funny if more Uchiha (or in general just people who disliked Tobirama: of which there were a lot) caught on to this and fell into the same pitfalls as Madara and Izuna. From Tobirama's perspective, suddenly he's so popular? He's never been so popular before? What is going on?

Ok so now. Pivoting. I bring to you: Uchiha Hikaku.

So Tobirama is kind of gravitating towards Hikaku, the only perceived still "normal" person around as every other Uchiha has begun to send him scandalous flowers.

Hikaku is so mellow and normal, it brings Tobirama comfort as he tries to put his head on straight about what the hell is happening otherwise. They got along anyways, they work well together, both are professional and straight to the point men and they get their work done quickly and then go home— just the way they like it.

And so one day, someone tells Hikaku smthn along the lines of "wow Tobirama is so nice to u, u should really count ur blessings you lucky bastard"

And Hikaku is like "Hmm. Perhaps I should show him my gratitude somehow...?" And goes out and ends up at the flower store.

Meanwhile, the flower girl finds that these Uchiha really like their hate flowers. Like, an alarming amount. Hikaku comes in and she's already reaching for the "I want you to die in a fire" dandelions

But no, Hikaku is there for something much more normal. Just a couple small flowers, something simple and professional, to mean smthn along the lines of 'appreciation' and 'hard work'

I'm sure you can see where this is going.

So Hikaku goes in and gives these flowers to Tobirama like I hope to continue our harmonious working relationship. And. Tobirama looks at the flowers.

Which, obviously, do not mean what Hikaku thinks they mean. Instead of 'appreciation' and 'hard work' they instead mean something a little more along the lines of 'quiet loathing' and 'you are a lazy bastard'

And that, my friends, is the story of how Hikaku became the first Uchiha to successfully send Tobirama hate flowers.

(And was also the first Uchiha to not have actually tried sending Tobirama hate flowers.)

Anyways then Izuna and Madara fill Tobirama's office with flowers that alternate meanings of 'lets get married, Im so in love with you, we are soulmates' and 'I want to fuck nasty in the barn out back' and Hashirama sees it and nearly fucking kills them both

The end

@ne-ono 🔄

Anonymous asked:

Concerning the Hate Flowers Au:

Little Kagami noticing all his older clansmen giving Tobirama flowers and, being a little kid + having no idea about the alternate meanings, thinks his clan has just started to *really* like Tobirama.

He decides he wants to be ~included~. But being a kid. Is not able to afford fancy shop flowers like all his aunties and uncles.

So instead he picks a bunch of wild flowers from outside and leaves them on Tobirama's front poor (since he's too nervous to give them to him directly because! The shame! His gift doesn't match up to all the pretty flowers Lord Tobirama has gotten so far. But he still wants Tobirama to get a gift from him.)

Vs Tobirama. Who walks out onto his porch one morning or returns from an overnight mission to find just. Dozens of dead crumpled wildflowers (thinking it was intentional vs just a little kid Being Rough With Something Delicate) and is going through all the stages of F u c k thinking about all the meanings vs the alternate meanings for when they're dead vs the meaning for when they've been stepped on (accidentally). Just. Slowly sitting on his porch looking at the flowers with his head in his hands.

Unaware that Kagami is miles away by then just. Happy as a clam at having succeeded in his little mission.

Referencing [THIS] post

HELPP IM CRYING I LOVE THIS! Amazing addition, perfect addition, it is canon now.

Tobirama is receiving perceived death threats from his student(s) and assumes it must come from one of the many, many Uchiha sending him flowers. Maybe one of them got mad he rebuffed their advances...?

Chapter 112: sasunaru fox bride au

Summary:

Kushina and Minato get married and ominous Uzu fox bells begin to ring and Minato is like "Um. What was that?"
And Kushina is like "Don't worry about it babygirl"
and Minato just goes "ok ❤️"

Chapter Text

#^ coming from u live from the “pile of bird plots and ocs that exist in my notesapp that sometimes I look at and end up thinking that #they could make for some really fun naruto aus #but no one has the context for my shit and it'd take an annoying amount of time to explain the background #and Id probably lose people on the way so i just wont. and no one will get the au at all“ #but like. man. #one day I will make a post overviewing the plot of foxes and sparrow saints #just so I can reference it #kakashi in place of kuro #born marked by the sparrow god and hunted down and stolen to be raised by the church ... #obito as niji #his handler who was the only one brave enough to drown him in the sparrow's blood so he could truly become theirs #sakumo as kihara (gods favorite secretary) who is cursed to live in eternal servitude #and sold himself back to the gods after being let go in an attempt to hide kakashi from his own doomed fate of servatude to the gods #(not that it was enough to hide Kakashi for long) #Kaguya as the moon goddess Sakumo has found himself working for (mostly for kagumo esster eggs) #naruto as fern the sparrow saint who was stolen by the foxes to try to revive their own god's power #and sasuke and sakura the two towns children who end up accompanying him on his journey to become a fox saint instead of the sparrow's #madara could make a funny nao (niji/obito's brother) soley bc he has big tits and wants to kill and become god #sigh. one day.

Sasunaru fox bride au ,,, hear me out u guys.

Ok so like. Kurama is a 9 tailed fox. There's so much to do with that. There is so much fucking fox related lore and mythos in just about every culture out there that has foxes, it's kind of impressive

Jinchuriki, specifically the 9 tails, have only been around for 3 generations now, and it's not like there's any official studies being done on the official effects of being one?

Anyways all of this is a really convolouted way to say "something something, when the 9 tails jinchuriki gets married, weird shit happens."

Far off bells begin to ring as foxes across the countryside celebrate, hearing the wedding bells of their 9 tails ring. They try to visit the new spouse in groups, dropping off presents and well wishes. And the new fox wife finds that their soul is suddenly bound to their spouse's, a set of invisible restrictions placed upon them

Hashirama and Mito never ran into any real problems, because they were already married when Mito became a jinchuriki. So there was never an official 'fox wedding' to genuinley bind Hashirama to her

Kushina and Minato get married and ominous Uzu fox bells begin to ring and Minato is like "Um. What was that?" And Kushina is like "Don't worry about it babygirl" and Minato just goes "ok ❤️"

And then Minato ended up being a super devoted housewife-core husband who'd often dote on Kushina and cook and clean and all that (there was plenty of shared work, of course, but he genuinley enjoyed keeping up the house)

So a lot of the downsides (read: unseen restrictions) of being a fox bride end up never coming up because hes just naturally very attentive and ends up doing a lot of stereotypical "wifely duties" or whatever.

Idk, it's an abstract concept to begin with, but the closeness between them means they never really stumble into learning about what's happening

Kushina. Miiight have an idea, but is mostly Not Thinking About It because she doesn't like to talk to or think about Kurama ever. She's haaaates the fox and will ignore fox-y things out of spite

She's heard some fox wedding lore from growing up in Uzushio tho, and so when she hears the fox wedding bells ringing in the distance she kinda gives a sudden, quiet "uh oh." And begins to realize a few things

When the foxes come to congratulate them on their wedding, Kushina chases them off before Minato can see them. She does NOT want to acknowledge The Fox in her, she HATES that bitch !!!

She also despises the thought of her new husband finding out she accidentally tricked him into some sort of soul binding thing where she could now theoretically command him if she only learned how, and will very much pointedly ignore the entire problem. Maybe then it'll go away!

All of that is to say: No one ever really learns about the fox marriage thing. Kushina comes close but purposefully plugs her ears and tries not to think about it. So eventually, yk, it's poor little Naruto's turn to be the jinchuriki

And as you can expect, this is going to cause Issues(tm)

Anyways just. Sasuke and Naruto, as kids, for some reason or another having a 'fake' wedding.

Maybe their classmates tricked them into it as a prank. Maybe one of the girls was trying to surprise Sasuke with a pretend wedding so they could be hashtag together4ever and Naruto tripped and fell and kissed Sasuke at the makeshift alter instead of the girl. Maybe they were on a mission as team 7 and crashed a wedding and ended up interrupting someone else's I do's just in time

Fact is: they are now married under the eyes of the fox

Ominous Uzumaki fox bells begin to ring in the distance, but they're both too busy screaming in horror to notice

The rest of canon proceeds mostly as usual, but like. Sasuke and Naruto are now (unknowingly) fox married and it's Doing Things(tm) to both of them that neither understand or have context for

Sasuke leaves the village and Naruto goes insane about it not just bc "nooo bestie don't leave me :(" but also because Sasuke is like. Contractually bound to never ever leave Naruto, and Naruto can feel it in his BONES

The foxes have been waiting to give Naruto and Sasuke their wedding gifts, but haven't visited Konoha because of last time (Kushina chasing them all away with a broom)

So they take Sasuke leaving the village as their opportunity to approach with their wedding gifts. Sasuke begins to be plagued by foxes leaving him presents (some more useful than others) and in general just kind of ominously hanging around him

Meanwhile every time Naruto leaves the village, he gets dog piled by happy foxes carrying presents and well wishes. He has NO idea what's happening.

Literally the only person who understands what is happening is Kurama, and he

a) does not especially care to get involved, and

b) thinks this is the funniest thing to have happened to him in CENTURIES. He is having fun for the first time since he's been locked inside this brat.

Ummm some kind of twist where the fox marriage turns out to have never been "finalized" due to the fact it wasn't a fr fr marriage and they stumbled into it by accident

So the foxes, getting tired of waiting for their 9 tails to hurry up and finish the wedding ceremony (look, they were patient at first, but its been a few years now! They're eager to see the wedding complete!) Take it into their own hands and begin to coerce Sasuke and Naruto into finishing up the wedding ceremony

Naruto goes to hunt down Sasuke to bring him back to Konoha and as they are having their gay little death match, Yamato and Sakura are going "umm. Guys?" Because they seem to be the only ones who notice as a hoard of foxes set up a wedding alter behind the boys

There's a lot more that could be done with this, but this has been sitting in my drafts for a while now so I'll just press post and come back to it later. Maybe. We will see.

Chapter 113: Kakashi and the three tails

Chapter Text

Anonymous asked:

Do you think kakashi felt some type when seeing the 3 tails?

ARE YOU THE GUY WHO ACCIDENTSLLY SENT THIS TO DOVEY BC THATS SO FUNNY

I literally just saw that post and went, "oh huh, I wonder who they meant to send that to" (idly remembers some people used to get me and Dovey confused bc we both used to both have black and white profile pictures) "it'd be funny if it were me. Unlikely tho."

Ummm anyways omg hi yes Kakashi this is a Kakashi loving blog let me seeee

I think that Kakashi has less complex feelings about specifically the three tails, and more the situation surrounding it.

Like, Rin died bc someone put him in her, yes. But there was also just a lot going on that day, and I do think that a lot of things Kakashi might have been able to get hung up on were also ultimately overshadowed by the ultimate hang up he came out of that fight obsessing over: his own hand being put through Rin's chest

Like, in a list of "people Kakashi spends thinking about / blaming when it comes to Rin" the actual 3 tails is,,, pretty low on the list.

I can totally see him like, pausing, maybe having a minor flash back or two when sensing Isobu's chakra. But nothing big— the 3 tails involvement in Rin's death and the horrible trauma of that day was only one of many, many pieces.

But to him, the biiju was just a tool used in the situation. (Just like he was ultimately just a tool, the final weapon used to kill Rin.)

Is there a bit of a grudge? Yeah, I buy that. If Kakashi had to pick a biiju, he would not be picking the 3 tails ever. He probably stares a little bit too hard at Isobu when he sees him then looks away, silent and determined not to think about it

I do think there's an interesting conversation of also like: Kushina's involvement in his life and his unique perspective of jinchuriki he may have gained from being around her and then Naruto

After the biiju are humanized to him through Naruto 'friendship is magic' Uzumaki too, hed probably be even less hung up on Isobu too. Maybe he'd even feel a bit of pity for him— after all, he too was used as a weapon. Just another tool of destruction, for others to use as they please

I'm actually a HUGE fan also of jinchuriki Kakashi aus ,,, my favorite is when they put the 3 tails in him instead of Rin so I do sometimes like to think ab just. Them interacting.

Give me 3 tails jinchuriki Kakashi or give me death !!!!

In conclusion: I do think Kakashi felt some kind of way when seeing the 3 tails, but that type of way was very layered and a little fogged up by other things and issues he had overlapping and overshadowing it

Chapter 114: obito in animal crossing au

Chapter Text

#insane about this #he just shows up at obito's house whenever he leaves and just follows him around the entire day #whos gonna tell him not to? #hes the mayor #and also friends with everybody

Full disclosure: I know fucking nothing about animal crossing. I've literally never touched it in my life. The extent of my knowledge is that there's that one cat character(?) who people are absolutely insane about and will charge real in person money to see. With that in mind:

obkk animal crossing shaped au where Obito moves to an island filled w human-animal people, run by its resident mayor, a funky wolf man named Kakashi

Obito living his best, small town life, surrounded by strange fluffy people ,,,

Actually having fun thinking ab just Obito being the only full human there, that's a fun mental image to me. He's actually totally weirded out by it but if he brings it up it goes something like,

"So uhh. Why do you have a tail?"

"Oh my god Obito you can't just ask someone why they have a tail"

Obito can no longer bring it up for fear of being animal people racist. Which is not a thing he knew existed, but.

The twist is that he could totally ask people and they'd probably answer juts fine but he made the mistake of asking Kakashi when Kurenai and Genma were around and all three of them were way too ready to fuck with him

Tanuki Genma,,,give it to me,,I wish to see him,,

Kakashi is a wolf man but actually that is a LIE and hes just a very big and fluffy dog guy who somehow got the reputation that he was actually a wolf and just kinda never disputed it, pass it on. He thinks its funny and will regularly make big bad wolf jokes n stuff but meanwhile hes like. A husky or smthn.

Obito realizes he's just a normal ass dog and gets weirdly butt hurt / disappointed about it. Turns out he is actually one of those half wolf dogs but now Obito is being stubborn and says he has "trust issues" and doesn't believe him anymore

Rin as Kakashi's mayoral assistant maybe? Then again, her working at the hospital is always fun tho.

Either or, I am trying to think of a good animal for her. Leaning towards smthn like a mongoose or a honey badger, small and cute looking but absolutely fucking insane and not to be approached under any circumstances because they can rip your fucking throat out

Gai is a bear, no further comments.

I really have no specific thoughts ab this other than it would be funny to me and I want to see normal human man Obito trying his best to live in a weird ass animal-people town.

I want mayor Kakashi to harass him daily and I want them to have a love hate relationship that largely involves them fucking with each other. I think it'd be neat.

@ohai-there 🔄

Comments

phoenixremix69: excuse you, guy is a turtle that is trying just as hard as usual to exercise with about 40% as much success

@oh-no-its-bird: damn my bad what am I even saying, ur so right

Chapter 115: Early Konoha politics + culture thoughts

Chapter Text

Ok so. Slams this on the table. Notes from an unrelated fic, doesn't matter rn.

BUT.

I wanna have a conversation about the potential in-world fetishization of shinobi (from civilians and particularly noble courts who may view them as a sort of status to hold) + specific shinobi clans (also from other shinobi)

I have no specific thoughts or direction for potential plot w this one, I just think it's interesting to think about.

Ummm the evolution of fetishization to romanticization aimed at clans from the warring states into more modern eras. With shinobi being slightly less sexualized and more romanticized as time passes (and they can be mistaken as more "civilized" due to formation of villages helping with the stigma of the clans constantly being at eachothers throats + the sudden broadening of how easy it is to hire shinobi for things making them more accessible/normalized)

Tales of a gutsy ninja and other books probably also helped the culture shift, shout out to my boy Jiriyah for that one, thank u king

Anyways. More animalistic clans getting the brunt of those who want to "tame" a shinobi. Meanwhile more ""normal"" clans are mistaken for more approachable because of it and then often recieve the brunt of actual approaches / propositions

There are groups of just. REALLY freaky civilians out there who have Thoughts(tm) and Ideas(tm) ab shinobi. Word of advice to said shinobi? Avoid them like the plague. Never turns out well.

But idk, like I said I have no specific thoughts I just find the concept interesting. The civilian perspective of shinobi is a fun thing to think ab, in all it's aspects

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Its so funny u said this bc literally not even 2 minutes ago I was working on the fic.

It shall be out ,,, soon, ,, hopefully ,,, and when it does come out I will not so subtly use it as my vessel to expand on so much fucking warring states clan lore. You people will NOT know what hit u. (Me with a giant lore shaped hammer)

Anyways the evolution (or potential evolution, anyways. It exists in my mind) of the civillian perspective of shinobi and relationship between both groups throughout the years fascinates me.

Before the shinobi villages were formed, clans tended to either keep to themselves, self isolating, or wormed their way into courts in order to recieve political backing and wealth, setting up behind the seats of various wealthy or powerful individuals to maintain their status quo

I'm going to use the Hatake and the Shiranui as am example here:

The Hatake are a good example of an isolated clan— they're nomadic, having lived out in the Iron Woods for some generations now. They grow their own foods, make most of their own tools, and take occasional (usually intimidation) jobs to make coin in order to pay taxes and buy the few things they don't make on their own.

Meanwhile, the Shiranui were a clan known for poison and seduction, living in the capital shacked up pretty tightly with multiple noble houses in Fire. They had a powerful presence in the capital, and worked closely with plenty of political factions and dirty, under the table deeds. Political shinobi, through and through

Both clans give your every man a very specific impression of shinobi. Wild and dangerous when left alone, or pretty and lethal when 'seduced' into the capital. Powerful, dangerous things that might be tools of nobles if treated right.

Sorry idk if this quite makes sense, I am filled with a few abstract thoughts I'm having trouble putting to page but like—

warring states shinobi had a mixed bag of reputations but in general were treated as shiny commodities by the upper ranks, and dangerous animals by lower ranks. And their isolation and infrequent dealings with most common people only helped to feed into that narrative.

And of course, being treated that way was a tool many shinobi would use. (The Shiranui in general, seemed to play into this 'trope' expected of them for their own gains)

And then they shinobi villages are made, and not only are the clan's forced to break away from their previous ways of life, but they're also suddenly in a lot closer proximity to your common every man civillian

There isnt quite as much mystique there; it isn't as much as a huge event to see them. You can find them easily, just by visiting their villages, and watch them live their lives

All of a sudden, shinobi become a bit less scary shadow monsters and a bit more... people. Still scary and violent, yes. There's still a ton of stigma surrounding them, to be clear! Just,,, not as much as before.

The commercialization of their services also impacts this— while before, it was probably a trial to commission a clan to do a job— something usually only nobles or people with connections and nnow-how could do —now there's an entire, easily accessable system to send a job to a village and get a shinobi of your own

I think I may have gotten a bit side tracked but just. Mmm. The evolution of how shinobi are seen by people. By the time Boruto comes around they're even more normalized (and even a little dismissed, with all the talk about how the "age of shinobi is over")

As shinobi become more normalized and accessable, their way of life becomes less shiny and mysterious. And this ofc impacts their own way of life in turn, as they heavily rely on people for buisness and the like

Or something

More early Konoha thoughts, specifically in culture sharing between the clans

Most clans have specific foods and types of products they use— they have their usual trades, usual hunting grounds, usual crafts and methods to make things, that sort of thing.

So when Konoha is created, there's this sudden influx in just the variety of things that are now easily accessible to them. Let's use alcohol as an example:

Most clans would have a specific way of brewing their own alcohol, not to mention what local ingredients they'd use, or they'd have a usual merchant they'd go to for their specific usual brands. For some clans, their situations, locations, and budget might mean they have less or more alcohol available to them

Then they come to Konoha and suddenly they have this big variety of all sorts of different drinks.

Suddenly, when before you would have to jump through several hoops and travel a stupid amount of miles to get yourself some Senju brewed beer, it's just. Right there. You can now ask your neighbor to pretty please share some with you

There's so much variety!!! So much to choose from!! I think it'd be overwhelming for some people, especially those from smaller clans who were used to having 3 options of food, drink and amusement to choose from for their entire life.

There's suddenly so much for them to explore

Especially having fun thinking about all these specific 'clan delicacies' in such close proximity ,,, I want to see some foodie losing their goddamn mind and legit crying as they realize their quest to taste the specific foods of every clan in the land of fire is suddenly so much more realistic than they thought before

This same thought process goes for pretty much everything crafts or culture related ^^

There's suddenly so many different games and rules and clothing styles and jewelry and courting traditions, all dumped into one big pot together

Some people are trying to play a simple card game together then realizing that their clans call the cards different things (named after different clan gods)

Someone lends their friend one of their shirts, and the friend finds that the shirt's weaving pattern is completley different from any of the clothes they're used to

Two farmers from different clans begin a heated debate over the "right" way to tend and harvest their crops, and what type of soil and watering schedule is best for what plants

By the time modern Konoha comes around, all of these things have found a new normal.

The mixing pot finished most of its stirring, and while there is still plenty of cultural separation between clans (particularly the larger ones, who stubbornly held on to their own identity throughout the years) there's also an overall 'Konoha culture.'

Konoha has its own signature crafts, adapted from several clan styles.

They have their own drinks, made from Konoha crops, with recipies argued over by several drink makers decades ago.

They have their own styles of card games, the rules adapted from multiple different clan rule-sets, into something most could agree on. (Bearing the most similarity to the Shiranui clan's rule-set, which became quite a popular middleground for most people to play— not that many remember that now)

Konoha found it's own identity, made up of all the clans who donated their own to it.

@sanska 🔄

I love this!! In a way it’s how “extinct” (senju, uchiha) clans live on— in their traditions and customs spread out and adapted into modern Konoha’s own culture and practices. An odd Senju festival or mundane practise of leaving some fruit on the trees during harvest, or colourful Uchiha made craftwork around the village —whose patterns maybe become inspiration for other stuff like fashion.

I think also some stuff Will be lost by virtue of the environment being unsustainable or inefficient compared to other methods and/or being subjugated and forgotten in lieu of the techniques of more influential clans (rip my Hatake ocs nomadic agroforestry techniques)

but essentially it just means in any time travel au even super “traditional” clans like the Hyuuga and I guess Uchiha would be extremely different in modern day compared to warring states (even dialect wise, you can lose your mother tongue in a generation if there’s no real push to grow up learning it, third and fourth gen later and you’re speaking in a whole new “general Konohan” accent that maybe has some words inspired from the Uzumaki but may be wholly based on the Senju or idk primary language used in business.)

The fact that Konoha was such a huge change and would in theory be a “contact zone”— a place where “cultures meet, clash, and grapple with each other, often in contexts of highly asymmetrical relations of power.” Is very cool actually especially if you question hey wtf is going on by the time canon naruto timeline happens and both founding clans are Gone (while Hiruzen and elderly friends are also holding the government seats lol)

Originally relogging [THIS] post by @nohara-rin-dot-mp3 about the downward spiral of the overall shinobi population

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

I am thinking actually. Think with me.

Do u think that one of early Kohona's selling points being "we will keep ur children safe" made some of the women go "holy shit I won't have to keep pumping out all these babies"

And then they get to Kohona and theres also all this schmancy new Senju healing and technology being shared, leagues above their own, also making the birthing process safer and easier + guaranteeing children born sickly will survive longer.

So then, yk, these women have their kids and will always tell their daughters shit like "just be grateful YOU didn't have to push put 6 kids (only for 5 of them to die before they hir 12) ur literally sooo lucky you don't need to do that anymore"

And then this kind of scares the daughters into being even more grateful that, yk, they don't have to have a fuck ton of babies like their moms did. So ofc they start having less— and then when their own kids are born, they tell the kids the same thing. "Just be grateful you won't have to have as many kids as me."

Plus also plenty of birth horror stories from grandma, ofc

So then those women go through the same process of going "damn maybe I am lucky" and now they're having even less babies too

Anyways all of that is to say: accidental cultural revolution pushing modern Kohona women into wanting less children. An Unintended side effect of the village

There was for sure someone sort of Kohona baby boom in the first few years (especially as evidenced by such distinct lines between the generations we will see in the future)

So that probably helped disguise the birth problem looming on the horizon. But, yk, it won't hide it forever

Chapter 116: (SVSSS crossover) Shang Qinghua transmigrates into naruto pt.3

Summary:

The final part of the 'Shang Qinghua transmigrates into Naruto' saga bc I turned it into a fic and already posted the first chapter !! Everyone cheer yayyyy

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Continued from Chapter 77

thybirbman asked:

Hey so uh I don't remember if you found a third to Huohua and Hana's team and I just wanted to jump in real quick with a suggestion that I think is around the same age as them-

Nara Ensui

My reasons are thus:

1. While the Ino-Shika-Cho trio is a big thing, clearly not all Yamanakas/Naras/Akimichis can be in one of those cells, and based on the naming convention, it seems to mainly apply to the clan heirs/main family, probably for political relations reasons

2. Ensui (seemingly) wears eyeliner and I feel like that should make him pivotal to the plot

I did actually choose someone to be their third on the team !! They're getting stuck with Kabuto bc I find him fascinating and it'll be a fun way to get Houhua dropped onto Orochimaru's radar

However Ensui is such a fun choice too, I might have to put him in my back pocket for later use. Ur so right, any character w eyeliner immediatley deserves to be elected for plot significance

I will say, I think it'd be so fun if he was added and we did play with like. There weren't enough kids to make an even number of ino-shika-choi teams. Do u think he'd feel left out? How do you think he'd be chosen to be the one excluded that year? So many fun thoughts ,,

Might have to play with that later actually, I like the crumbs of that narrative. Idk if Houhua is gonna pass the chunin exam yet so if he doesn't, maybe his second team can include him? Hana would pass for sure, and Kabuto's whole thing is that he fails it every year.

Actually quick side, note: the fact that this is possibly Kabuto's first chunnin exam (how old is he again ?? I don't fucking remember but not that old) is interesting too, he won't know what he's going into like he does other years

Anyways team (whatever number) my beloveds <3

Does their team number change w the teachers they're given ? Bc like, they were handed to Kakashi first, which would make them team 7 (for like half a day) but after that, are they still team 7? Could be cute if they're called smthn like team 7 and a half

Their team number is constantly shifting w each new teacher they're thrown at, the other teams just start calling them team 7 and a half to make fun of them and it sticks

Team 7 and a half my beloveds <3

Actually. Thinking ab Kabuto now. Having thoughts. Experiencing emotions.

I do think the most interesting result in Houhua being on a team w him would be he recognizes that Kabuto wants to fail the exam on purpose, then somehow, some way, tricks or corners him into passing.

VERY big wrench in Kabuto's plans and Houhua is suddenly on his list of least favorite people. He has BEEF. No idea how we'd get there tho, or if I even wanna fr take it there, I just think it'd be interesting.

ANYWAYS UHH

While I'm here and talking ab the au, take this comment from the vault fic chapter where I posted about the au:

AnonJ on Chapter 77

Jun is Kiri. Kisame is Kiri. Do you think they know each other???

Also do you think Itachi would fake a relationship with Kiame in front of Houhua to try and make him (Houhua) jealous??

"I think Houhua should get the develop a technique that let's him perfectly fake his own death by like, basically putting himself in a chakra induced coma or smthn, to survive the Uchiha massacre. And also he absoloutley abuses it in future interactions— this guy is a fucking ROACH and you can never trust if he's fr dead."
hamster has graduated from "fainting to get out of awkward situations" to "faking death to get out of awkward situations"

"Sasuke absolutely loses his shit everytime he uses the technique. sasukes Itty bitty heart can't handle the stress of his possum like last relative. I guess having sasuke have a mental break down about the 'death' really sells the act"
do you think. Sasuke gets the mangekyou from this. Itachi out there being like "oh sauke you have to kill your best friend to get it" sasuke being like "bitch no i got it from our cousin's possom-no-jutsu"

"The only other person I could think of close in age was Kabuto, who is ~2 years older so he could be there if his other teammates made Chunnin. (since his thing was constantly failing the chunnin exams)"
i am imagining. Houhua and Kabuto side-eyeing each other bc like recognizes like.

I absoloutley think Jun and Kisame should get to know eachother for sure, itd be so fun !! Idk how exactly, but if nothing else Kisame seems to be great at handling standoffish ice prince bitches (*cough* Itachi *cough*) so he should be surprisingly good w interacting w Jun !

Which also brings up the fact that like. Jun and Itachi interacting would be the funniest thing ever. Because before Itachi hearing that Houhua has some mystery relationship w this guy, they're probably just standing next to eachother in dead silence (it's very peaceful)

But then Jun gets potentially rather violently recruited into Akatsuki, so now he's being very frosty (they are still standing together in dead silence)

And then by the time he melts a little, Itachi has noted the weirdness w Houhua. And now he's being super frosty and incredibly passive aggressive. And also possibly plotting a silent murder.

But Jun has no fucking clue who Houhua even IS so he literally has nothing he can say to explain this shit to calm Itachi down. And also does not care enough to even try to explain. And also Itachi is Itachi and isn't explaining why he himself is mad anyways so Jun has no fucking way of knowing why he's even mad. Or even telling that he is mad bc hes shit at reading people

(They are still standing next to eachother in dead silence)

Kisame comments on how whenever they're w Jun, Itachi is the most animated he's ever seen him. Very impressive work there Jun!

I do not think that Itachi would make a conscious plot to pretend to be in a relationship with Kisame. But I do think it'd be really fucking funny if Itachi, completely without thinking it through, blurts out that he's in a relationship w Kisame w some very vague (and possibly a little manic) only half-thought idea of making Houhua jealous.

Kisame is ???????? but doesn't argue bc Itachi is... probably going somewhere with this? Tho he doesn't understand where.......?

Itachi immediately regrets it (his face is still dead blank and unreadable, but he's screaming internally) but refuses to backtread bc that's embarrassing. He has never admitted to a mistake in his life, and he is not going to start here. (Kisame is going to RUTHLESSLY make fun of him for all of this later, and he will deserve it)

Itachi also blurted this out like. Totally unprompted and probably in the middle of a battle. No one (especially not Houhua) fucking asked. So Houhua, very very confused, goes "????? Good for you ???????? You still murdered our entire clan tho so um ?? I'm gonna keep fighting u? If thats ok?"

(No one in this conversation is leaving with their dignity intact)

I THINK ITD BE SUPER INTERESTING IF HE DID ACTUALLY? Hmm I might have to think ab that one. I wanna make sure all the mangekyou awakenings in this au are as heavy and significant as they really should be, yk? So idk if I'd wanna use Houhua's play dead jutsu for it, it'd feel a bit cheaper to me, just a bit. But then if I played it right ig it could be as heavy as it deserves. Mmmm, choices

Kabuto and Houhua are making direct eye contact going "I smell a rat in here and I KNOW it's not just me"

On one hand: I know it isn't too smart to advertise exactly what I'm writing when I am, bc it means if/when I inevitably fail to produce it, I'll feel extra bad about it bc people knew I was doing it / might have been expecting to see the final product

On the other hand, I really love the feedback and it does give me more motivation to actually keep going

Anyways.

Anyways uhh. Then off screen, MBJ fights a god and demands to be reincarnated w SQH, which is why we see him as Jun later on.

#i bribed my way onto the board btw #thank u to mheiiiuiiu for telling me ur the only real one in the world

I've been spelling Shang Qinghua's name wrong for months I'm gonna kms, I am a FRAUD I am NOT a true SQH fan I need to be fired from the SQH board of directors immediately

Comments:

mheiiiuiiu: Listen you might think you are a fraud for this but this is what he will do. He will forget that he has misspelled Wife #997 name and reused it as Wife #1028 name. You are being Shang Qinghua right now The Airplane Shootings towards the Sky So remember if your plot or naming sense doesn't make sense, rub your belly and say this is what Airplane will do

oh-no-its-bird: Fuck,,ur so right,,, maybe the real Shang Qinghua really was the one we found along the way,,

Having more Uchiha Houhua thoughts:

Ok so I decided his mangekyou, if he ever gets it, looks a bit like the system buffering/loading icon— which absoloutley pisses him off

Its ability is a sort of mishmash of knowing things + some light time fuckery. The light time fuckery was probably its (read: Izumi's) original ability, but it was debuffed + mixed w knowing things as a result of the systems influence.

The "knowing things" bit basically means he gets character screens and summaries from the system (which he does NOT get before getting the mangekyou bc the system is stingy as fuck) but it also means he can see like. Past / present / future events (the "future" events being presented as 'system predicted' so they can't always be trusted) but also like. Being able to see what future or current events would have been in canon, if he hadn't been given Izumi's role

Then he can show these things to others via genjutsu, which makes for some killer genjutsu bc he can straight up send someone to relive their worst most traumatic moments and stand next to them eating popcorn like "woah bro this is totally fucked" as they experience The Horrors on loop

Super OP and ultimately fucking great for information gathering, which is kind of his main thing anyways. I think it fits, especially when the system !! Open to hearing criticism on it tho

And ofc I don't know fr if he's gonna get to unlock it yet, still undecided bc it'd also be pretty hard for him to care ab someone enough (other than probably Jun and eventually Itachi)

Could also be fun if he got to have an interesting dynamic w Inoichi bc of it, like w mind fuckery in mind. He's so useful in T&I, someone teach him some fun mind fuck jutsu's it'll be great

Otherwise uhh:

Also thinking. Yk how I mentioned his ideal endgame is that he'd love to be like, an assistant to the Hokage? Important job! Very little danger (compared to other jobs)! He'll take paperwork over putting his life on the line any day!

So like. When Tsunade comes to the village, Houhua is fucking foaming at the mouth. He wants to be her assistant so bad. He is ab to fist fighting other people in order to be there when she first arrives so he can try to worm his way into her office (and thus avoid being sent out to do shit while remaining important enough to be earning narrative points)

But then Tsunade arrives and she already has Shizune !!! FUCK.

Could be funnier if Shizune fucking senses Houhua's ambitions and also sniffs him out as a little rat man and immediatley assumes the worst. Gets to work on trying to kick his ass out on the curb. Office rivalry !!!

I have like. 2 options for that period where Naruto is off w Jiriyah trying to get Tsunade back, and idk where to take it tbh. Bc either Houhua can go to sound (with or without Sasuke), or he can stick around and do fun politics trying to throw cinder blocks at Danzo's head in the absence of a Hokage.

Houhua is gonna have to interact w Orochimaru eventually is the thing, there's just too much potential there to waste (teammates w Kabuto / literal immortal cultivator in his past life / snake vs rat jokes I need to make at least 10 of, etc.)

Hmmm. Choices, choices

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

HELP I LOVE THIS

Yes. This exactly. This is the new endgame. Shikamaru gets let off the hook bc he can split work w Houhua (and Kakashi is giving majority of the work to Houhua for shite and giggles)

(In his little defense, Houhua really is great at paperwork. Running the logistics peak of a major sect for decades in ur past life will do that to a guy)

Houhua will never shut up ab how mean and awful Kakashi is and how this is totally unfair and targeted bullying.

He is in near hysterics (his natural defense mechanism to being given work he doesn't want) in the middle of Hokage tower. Everyone is ignoring him bc its the third time this week. (New people are shifting away wearily and asking if that's normal. Their seniors advise them to ignore him)

(At some point, someone asks Houhua if he was dropped or shaken as a child and Kakashi shifts guiltily as Houhua, who has no idea Kakashi shook him when babysitting w Obito that one time, gets really insulted)

Ok so. Houhua thoughts. Specifically: Shang Qinghua's cultivator sword!!

So Svsss uses the same general wuxia rules of "and sword is a cultivators life, it has a personality and spirit (some stronger than others) and chooses it's wielders"

I vividly remember there being mention of some sort of sword trial where the disciples go into a place w tons of sword and had to choose one that called to them?

So, like, also. The Uchiha being known for their blacksmithing skills tho.

SO! Houhua's mom was an Uchiha and his dad was not, so after they got married they sorta got pushed aside a bit in the clan— the mom specifically was no longer on speaking terms w her parents.

Then after they die in the Kyuubi attack (which is also the moment Houhua remembers his past life, bc up till then he was stuck acting as a fr child— just with some nightmares and headaches) Houhua is kinda just. Left to raise himself

BUT. IM NOW HAVING SOME FUN THOUGHTS!! Houhua's grandparents actually being among the Uchiha blacksmiths, and Houhua learning the craft,, being able to preserve Uchiha blacksmithing techniques past the massacre,,, eventually being able to reproduce his own flying sword

(and also maybe getting a couple special quests or achievements out of it, like, 'traces of another life' or 'the forges of Amaterasu still burn' from the system)

The system adapting the retrieval of Houhua's spirit blade into Naruto canon, having to mold it into the shinobi lore to make it make sense... Houhua maybe being able to use chakra to mold a blade to its owners spirit.......

Mmm. Thoughts.

Anonymous asked:

I'm having. So many Uchiha Houhua thoughts. Like I know so much of his existence is geared towards survival but. The hc of Uchiha's use of war fans,I have to wonder if he ever finds him half heartedly fiddling with a delicate seeming Tessen, remebering an old friend now far gone, just as razor edged and yet still missed.

And it may be my own fondness for the concept of a spider summons but so much of spider behavior is "Please Leave Me Alone" which is very on brand for Houhua. Camouflage and careful, delicate and yet still so dangerous, setting invisible webs between leaves and waiting for the worse predators to pass. (Also using spider venom to fuck with his heartrate for the possum jutsu maybe?)

The entire concept is so delightful and I'm very thankful to have seen all your little tidbits on it

YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SENT ME A STRAWPAGE I JUST SAW IT LAST NIGHT BUT FELL ASLEEP BEFORE I COULD COPY PASTE IT TO REPLY TO HERE!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg hi funny seeing you here (<- batting my eyelashes, twirling my hair)

Anyways I love this, actually. Like, a lot.

Ough,, Houhua unable to look at war fans without thinking about both SY and SQQ,,,

I think it's actually especially fun to think ab like. The difference in fighting style between (Japanese) Uchiha styled war fan techniques and (Chinese) Cang Qiong Sect war fan techniques. Not even counting the much more specific Qing Jing Peak style of fan techniques.

That also goes double for sword techniques, especially considering the plans for Houhua to go into sword smithing.

Houhua has literal decades of the Cang Qiong sect sword style engraved into his fucking bones. Into his soul, even, if you consider the whole 'cultivators swords are usually tied to their spirits in some way' thing.

He's going to have the worst time trying to switch to Uchiha sword styles-- though I think the sharingan + the unfamiliar, tiny body without all the muscle memory of his past life will help him at least get his footing

,, Hey, is muscle memory held in the actual muscle or is it held in the brain? That's a thought.

ALSO. THE SPIDERS.

I. I cant lie to u, you are making an amazing argument rn for him having a spider summons. I love the idea sm, I am now faced w the ultimate dilemma of choosing between a spider contract or a rat contract.

On one hand, they both carry undertones of like 'there might be a bit more to see here than just a coward' bc of the associated (mostly negative) connotations of rats and spiders both being like, underhanded, sneaky, that sort of thing. But the spider tho,,, ough,, it also shows a side of implied manipulation that might be fun just from the angle of like.

Yeah you'd expect him to have some sort of rodent contract but hes actually been designated spider coded by the universe, actually.

I forget if I posted this snippet yet or if I only posted it on the discord but take this really quick:

So like. This moment, where Kabuto bets Houhua will get some form of rodent contract (for obvious reasons) while Hana bets he gets a fucking worm. But now make it even funnier bc they're both wrong and he got a spider contract.

This could also maybe play interesting into Houhua and Kabuto's sort of ongoing quiet squinting in eachothers direction as they both go 'this guy isnt as simple as he seems...' as Kabuto mentally recalculates some of Houhua's behavior

This also can just bring out a pretty fun "hey so lets talk about in universe stereotypes and associations when it comes to summoning animals" which I just think is fun. Like, culturally, what does it mean to have a contracted animal? Do some people treat it like they might astrology personality tests? Do some people think its just nonsense and pure luck or not that deep?

For some people it probably isn't that deep, while for others (specifically those who might come from families who always have the same contract, or others who sign blank contracts where they really are sent to an animal that matches them best) it really is a good way to try and analyze them

And like. Where does that leave Houhua?

This could also just be fun for when he interacts w Orochimaru, who fucking hates bugs (insert my own personal favorite hc here that he hates them largely in part due to the many times he was stuck inside his own rotting body, infested with bugs)

And like, Houhua and Orochimaru will inevitably interact, though I'm not 100% sure on how it goes just yet. But like. Houhua having a spider contract and Orochimaru coincidentally hating spiders. Could be funny.

PLUS YOU'RE SO RIGHT FOR LIKE. SPIDER VENOM POSSIBLY PLAYING INTO HIS PLAYING DEAD ACT. UR SO SMART FOR THAT.

Anyways. Yeah ok I think spider contract Houhua would go pretty hard for multiple reasons. Give him a big fluffy spider with big ol eyes.

Houhua can maybe get another contract further down the line and then get the rodents he deserves.

Im so glad that you've been enjoying the SQH in naruto au nonsense I've been pumping out!! I'm like. Halfwayish done with chapter one but it keeps getting longer. I'll get there eventually.

I really need to update my tumblr vault with all the recent additions to the au but want to update it when I post the actual fic so I can link the fic to the chapter, so I'm holding off on that

Anyways, thank you for your ask!!

blackturtlesofdeath asked:

your uchiha houhua au is living in my brain rent free....im sleep deprived today bc i was reading/thinking about it late last night lol, its so good!!

after the massacre he would essentially be sasuke's guardian, right? maybe not officially but still, he'd be in charge of sasuke as the only older family around? idk if he'd be a GOOD guardian but i can see his paranoid ass just always handing sasuke more weapons and money, just in case

i need to know more about sasuke finding out about houhua and itachi's thing for each other!! and does sasuke still end up going to orochimaru in this au?

YEAHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT !!! Uchiha Houhua remains one of The Favorites(tm) I really need to finish writing chapter 1, I'm like. So so close. So close.

I also need to update my tumblr vault fic with all the more recent Houhua au posts, since theres been a good amount of new content, but I'm putting it off till I'm done writing chapter 1 for the actual fic

No but I'm honored it could take up space in ur brain !!

YES! After the massacre, Houhua basically becomes Sasuke's officially unofficial guardian. There's no real paperwork for it done, but like, they really only have eachother

Sasuke flocks to him as the only other Uchiha, and Houhua takes him in both out of pity + not wanting him to be alone, and also partially because he knows Sasuke is a main character and his survival heavily depends on sticking close to main characters in the hopes that it'll help bump his character importance points

Houhua and Sasuke are stupidly rich now just because all of the Uchiha belongings and funds are theirs now.

There's a bit of trickiness bc technically, most of it should go specifically to Sasuke (as he's now default clan heir, though that isn't exactly worth much now) but Houhua is older than him

Houhua will probably end up splitting things between them, and Sasuke will trust him enough to do it (+ be too young to really realize that's something as important as it really is)

I think in canon, and lot of Uchiha shit got stolen or went ""missing"" in their death, mostly bc Sasuke... wouldn't know what to watch out for / prevent people from trying to take. But with Houhua here, it's going to be way hard for anyone to do any sort of grave robbing

Houhua is absoloutley gonna be taking inventory and his past life's experience means he knows to be on guard for people looting the compound when he's not looking !! There might even be some fun drama w that in the future ,,,

Houhua is stuffing weapons and money into Sasuke's pockets, very much fussing over him every chance he gets.

(Because Sasuke is his meal ticket!! He insists to himself, going out of his way to demolish anyone who looks at Sasuke even a little bit funny)

I honestly think Houhua would make for a good guardian for Sasuke overall, tho he'd for sure have his faults. The key word here is 'guardian', not anything like a father— Sasuke is gonna end up seeing Houhua as his (new, better, real) big brother over shitty Itachi over there

Houhua, as Shang Qinghua, lived to be very old (for a human, not for a cultivator) and had a hand in raising and training many disciples.

I like to reference Pride Is Not The Word I'm Looking For (aka the single best Shang Qinghua fic of all time) for my characterization for him, so he's like. Genuinley a good teacher and uncle, when he tries to be. He is just also burdened with crippling self doubt and likes to insist that every nice thing he does is canceled out by his own selfish reasoning behind doing those nice things

In Naruto world especially, filled with shitty murderous parents and a government that churns out murder babies, I think Houhua will be winning awards in his own parenting skills

Then there's also the fact that Houhua did know and interact with Sasuke before the massacre, just not too often. He was Itachi's weird cry baby friend, he'd hang out with him sometime

They just were never really close, and never really got to interact 1 on 1 for long— till, ofc, the massacre happens, and now Sasuke is latching on to Houhua and hyperventalating if anyone so much as looks like they're going to try and separate them

Houhua's existence as a whole allows Sasuke to be a lot more vulnerable, both because he is not "the last Uchiha" and also because Houhua will no doubt try to piggy back off of his revenge quest or even try to steal it entirely (to try and become a more important character, he insists to himself)

So Sasuke is just. Nowhere near as alone as before. And Houhua's own relationship with Itachi helps Sasuke believe Houhua might get it... more than other people, at least.

Ofc, there's also conflict in Sasuke maybe not thinking Houhua gets it "enough", or like Sasuke himself does, because Sasuke was, ofc, Itachi's little brother.

^ I think that would inevitably come in to play later, when Sasuke realizes Itachi and Houhua might have feelings for eachother. Sasuke would be so fucking hurt and feel so fucking betrayed, believing that maybe Houhua never "got it" to begin with

Things get even more complicated depending on when Sasuke learns this tho, because eventually Houhua is going to share his suspicions about the massacre being not as simple as it looked. So Sasuke's own feelings on Itachi are gonna go on a roller coaster of their own, trying to figure out if he himself can or should forgive his brother or no

Its all just a mess tbh, I love to see it

I HONESTLY DUNNO IF SASUKE WILL GO WITH OROCHIMARU OR NOT !! On one hand, mmmayybe ,,,, if he does, Houhua will go with him, full stop.

But there's also a chance that Houhua might try to take his place too! And he and Orochimaru are inevitably going to interact eventually, bc I have plans ,,,

(I mentioned it in another post, but if Houhua ever shares about the system and his past life with literally anyone, I would choose Orochimaru to find out. I think I could get the most milage out of him, and Orochimaru would absoloutley try to hack into the system for immortality and power or some shit)

I think whatever route I go with w Orochimaru will just depend on what I'm feeling when I get to that point in writing the fic. We will have to see where the story naturally leads me, you know? All of the options are so good, so it's hard to choose

ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR YOUR ASK !!! I love Houhua au so much, I think its so much fun. Ur ask actually reminded me I really have to keep writing chapter 1, so this has kind of spurred me on to go do that

Hopefully I finish and post it soon!

blackturtlesofdeath asked:

Do you think houhua would learn ice jutsu bc he misses mobei jun 🥺

OH THIS IS SUCH A CUTE THOUGHT THO ?? And a good question, actually

A better question is, would Shang Qinghua be a) emotionally literate, and b) willing to admit to himself that he only learned this ice jutsu because he misses his king

I do think he'd be emotionally literate enough for it, Shang Qinghua to me reads as a guy who knows himself pretty well. The real issue is if he will at all be willing to consciously admit it to himself, or if he'd go "ahaha I'm fine tho. Let's not talk or think about that :)" then pretend like it never happened / doesn't mean as much to him as it does

Uchiha "I dont want to unpack all that so lets just throw the whole suitcase away" Houhua,,, I love you compartmentalization king,,

I think especially starting the fic out, when he basically finds himself on a ~7 year time line to check off an impossible list of tasks before the system smites him, he'd be especially "I'm too busy to think about this shit so I simply shall not!"

After the Uchiha Massacre tho, when he's officially bought himself an indeterminable amount of time to work towards his overall goal of gaining enough character points to become an "important naruto character" and win that next life from the system-- he's afforded space to finally slow the fuck down and process a few things

The thing about being a (once) immortal? Time really doesn't work to mend wounds like it might for a mortal. Not when you get so used to years passing like seconds.

When it finally comes time for Houhua to digest the lost of his life (and his king) the emotional ache will feel just as fresh as it did when he first died. Even if, by then, he'll still have things to distract him from it.

Anyways yes, I think I want to see Houhua learning (or trying to learn) ice justsu just bc it reminds him of his king.

It's very impractical for him tho, as he's kind of shit at working with any sort of frozen chakra (his own chakra nature is a fire/earth mix I think) but that just makes his determination to learn it even more of an emotional tell on his end

I cannot lie to u guys. A big motivator driving me to write the Shang Qinghua in Naruto fic (and specifically to finish it) is that I so desperately need to see one very specific scene of Houhua somehow getting zapped into canon

I genuinely don't remember if I've posted about this yet or only written it out in my notes app but like .

Houhua's gets into a fight and his mangekyou (relating to time shit and directly connected to the 'real' naruto universe via the system) kind of smashes into Obito's mangekyou (dimension travel shit) and also possibly even into Sasuke's own (idk whether he has the rinnegan or not in this au / at that point, but he's also there, and if he does have it, it'd also pitch in w time and dimension)

And basically, all three of them get tossed face first into canon naruto for a bit! I'm sure this can't possibly go wrong.

They get scattered across fire country ,,, They were originally fighting in some 3rd location and Houhua lands back inside of Konoha, and assumes (logically) he just got regular teleported and not hit with the fucking dimension travel beam.

So, yk, he goes 'oh FUCK I lost Sasuke' and goes straight for the Hokage tower to tell Tsunade what happened, bc

a) last uchiha(s),

and b) they were quite possibly specifically sent out on some mission together by her when it was crashed by Obito

Maybe they were going to try and hunt down Itachi ?? Sharingan vs sharingan,,,, idk but if they were then Itachi is also probably around here somewhere due to the dimension zap. No one ask me the specifics I have no idea yet, this would be so down the line in the story

But anyways. Just. Houhua bursting into the Hokage's office then immediately bursting into tears and wailing smthn ab having "lost Sasuke" to a very confused Tsunade and very alarmed team of ANBU agents

More realistically, he'd never be able to make it up into the Hokage's office, so like. Houhua being stopped (by people he knows !! that no longer seem to know him !!) at the doors as he is confused and angry bc WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS HE HAS TO REPORT IN LIKE YESTERDAY !!! THEY HAVE AN EMERGENCY ON THEIR HANDS !!!

Houhua accidentally manages to bullshit his way into the Hokage's office by just acting so confident (bc ofc he is! He fr thinks he's supposed to be allowed to be here!) and also jabbing his finger into an ANBU's face and calling them out by code name like he knows exactly who they are, going SPARROW U ARE NOT DOING THIS TO ME RIGHT NOW !! THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS SHIT !!!

Maybe he throws in Itachi's name somewhere in there if the mission he was sent on involved trying to hunt him down

Either way, the ANBU are successfully convinced (and confused) that this guy... must belong here? Is he some higher up? Was he undercover? They dont know but he sure does know them and is acting like everything is ok, so...?

I just need Houhua interacting with canon tbh, au x canon is my favorite thing ever, in the entire world. He deserves to get zapped into naruto canon w Sasuke for a while !!

Meanwhile, Obito is now in an alternate world close enough to the one he left that he doesn't really care (Houhua's existence has not impacted him much tbh) but like. No consequences. Obito doesn't have to worry ab his plans here bc this isn't his world so nothing really matters. But it's still similar enough that the people (read: Kakashi) he might interact with are basically the same to him

So anyways Obito goes to give Kakashi some special 1 on 1 harassment. Could literally go in any direction tbh

Obito probably appears in his room like a little freak and just starts fucking w Kakashi as Kakashi goes through the "who are you how did you get in here" routine (while slowly sliding into an "oh god its Obito" realization fueled panic attack the longer the conversation goes on)

In true Obito fashion, Obito mood swings like no one has ever mood swings before, alternating between making some serious threats to saying straight up creeper shit he'd probably never even voice aloud in his original world

But he can say them all here because there are no consequences, and he wont even have to look himself in the mirror later when he goes home and itll all be fine :DD

Kakashi is having a straight up bad time.

Meanwhile Itachi is just having. A time.

He probably goes back to the Akatsuki only to be faced to face with HIMSELF and immediately checks tf out of just. All of this. He is dissasociating.

The Itachi's haaateeee each other btw, pure self-loathing directed at eachother in such a passive aggressive way. It's very telling, actually.

It would be incredibly uncomfortable for anyone to watch but most of the Akatsuki (Deidara and Hidan especially) are watching with rapt attention while shoveling popcorn into their mouths. Deidara is especially delighted to see that even Itachi himself can't fucking stand another version of him

(As if Deidara could last 1 minutes alone in a room with another him without trying to blow each other up)

Eventually ofc they realize the root of the differences between their worlds (Houhua) tho I think the first real difference they'd note would actually be Jun's existence-- just because he's the easier topic between them, since he's occasionally partnered with (our) Itachi

Idk how they bring up Houhua but like, once he's prought up, (canon) Itachi would be like "Who?" in just the flattest voice as (our) Itachi has a little episode of 'oh. he doesnt exist here.'

Itachi having to describe Houhua to someone else,, but that someone else is himself so he finds himself being more honest than he might have otherwise been w literally anyone else,,, ough,,

(canon) Itachi has Izumi, and mmmayyybe they'll realize that they're just gender bent versions of each other (kind of, anyways) but I kind of doubt it. Either way, thatll be a fun conversation to have

Even more fun of a conversation is the inevitable Sasuke conversation, which I do not even know where to begin with

WHICH ALSO BRINGS US TO SASUKE. WHO IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. IDK WHAT HES DOING BUT MAN IS HE LOST.

Sasuke's part of this arc could go in a lot of directions depending on if he defected from the village or not (still undecided on that but for now lets say he isnt, since Tsunade sent him on that hypothetical mission w Houhua)

Just. A slightly healthier and more stable and sane Sasuke who was raised by Houhua after the massacre. Ok and now throw him at his canon counterpart. I think they would also dislike eachother

Canon Sasuke probably burns with envy at the knowledge that this Sasuke got to keep one of their clansmen, and that Houhua helps to shoulder the burden of revenge. But he also has scorn for the fact that Houhua has seemingly "held him back" from revenge or some shit. Not entirely to mask his jealously, tbh

Idk but like, Sasuke vs Sasuke. It's a mess.

Don't let Naruto meet the Sasuke who never left Konoha / possibly came back or he'll lose his mind ab it

Anyways yeah !!! Houhua au meets canon ,,, I need it so bad,,, fuck,,

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

This tho !!!!! Bc like 99% of Itachi's,,, everything towards Houhua comes from years of build up

It's the history, it's their shared childhood, it's the longstanding mystery of how Houhua survived the massacre, of the secrets Itachi knows he's hiding but just can't figure out

So like. Houhua meets canon Itachi and Itachi is ranging from mildly annoyed by his attitude and volume to generally ignoring him bc thats just how Itachi rolls

He's going, "What the hell is it about this guy that makes other me so interested? Because I sure don't see it."

If he didn't know that Houhua was an Uchiha, or that in another life he'd be obsessed with him, he probably would not give this man a second glance. As it is, he's squinting at Houhua purely bc of what he knows from that other version of him

...he really doesn't see it.

No but au!Itachi trying to explain Houhua to canon!Itachi would be so, so funny to see. I don't think he's ever really had to explain Houhua to anyone before. Or, well, he possibly has to like, Konan maybe just bc last of the 3 Uchiha. But he wouldn't go in depth and would probably stay purposefully vague and underpaying both Houhua's everything and his own attachment

Itachi explaining Houhua to himself in a world where he knows none of his actions have lasting consequences,,,,, could go in a lot of directions, tbh. Accidental oversharing time where Itachi just unloads years of trauma and hidden thoughts bc none of this shit matters anyways

Meanwhile canon!Itachi is standing there like 🧍‍♀️

Working For The Knife - Chapter 1, Six Year Peace

Shang Houhua dies at the ripe old age of 27, electrocuted to death after spilling cup ramen onto his keyboard. A death as embarrassing as it was painful, but at least a blessedly quick way to go.

Shang Houhua, later renamed Shang Qinghua by his shizun upon promotion to head disciple, dies at the age of 98 to a blade taken for the king he served.

Uchiha Houhua is born screaming.

Reincarnated into the role of Uchiha Izumi as “thanks” for his excellent service in the role of Shang Qinghua, Qinghua only has one mission— to “grow close to the character of Uchiha Itachi, then die on his blade to further his guilt.”

The catch? After that, there will be no 4th life.

With death fast approaching and little to no way out, Qinghua— now Houhua, scrambles to find a way to somehow escape the Uchiha massacre, as well as earn that next life from the system by managing to become an “important” character in the narrative.

…It was times like this that Houhua really wished he’d actually finished reading Naruto

ITS HEEEEREEEEE !!! SHANG QINGHUA REINCARNATED INTO NARUTO !!! CHAPTER 1 !!! IS !!! NOW !!!!! OUT !!!!!!! THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO WAS WAITING FOR THIS!! BOTH FOR UR PATIENCE AND FOR UR SUPPORT !!!! I HOPE IT LIVES UP TO THE HYPE BUT PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THIS IS OUR SET UP CHAPTER SO THE REAL FUN IS STILL YET TO COME

Notes:

AS YOU CAN TELL. I MADE THIS INTO A FIC. GO READ IT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEA

Chapter 117: Early day Konoha as seen by the Hatake pt.4

Summary:

Yeah so this is straight up me just info dumping about hatake ocs and lore at this point. But I also finally turned it into a fr fic, so...?
Also: LOTS of fucking art !!!

Notes:

This is literally like 90% stupid oc things and art, but I dont care. I may be cringe but I am also free and I am thriving

Edit note: I changed Ichigo's name to Kurumi, but she remain's Ichigo in a lot of art due to me having lost a lot of the actual art files + post links (Im working on that). Pls tell me if you spot any missed mentions of her name! And sorry for any potential confusion

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Continues from Chapter 78

Having more silly little Hatake clan thoughts— I mentioned before that I think the half and half haori (half silver half baby blue) is cute and I want it to be a staple in my Hatake clan lore, so hear me out:

It's supposed to represent "the silver of lightning, the clear blue of a clap of sound"

Now, totally unrelated for that, the Hatake's are all taught to howl at a really young age (6ish) by their clan head, as is tradition. The howling part is easy enough, just go awooo yk? But the fun part is that this is when they're taught a special method of circulating chakra through their vocal cords to make their howls impossibly loud

Its used for plenty of things— calling for help/finding eachother (especially useful for the younger kids who are always at risk at bloodline hunters trying to snatch them up), just for fun and bc its an age old tradition, long range communication (taught a certain pitch of howls that mean different things) etc.

Then as they get older, if they work hard, their howls can even be turned into a weapon! The howl manifesting a physical wave of sound that can crack bone (and, of course, rupture hella eardrums)

They probably have contests about who has the "best howl" and it's ranked by stuff like beauty/expressivness/volume/strength

Oh also + the implications of them having had (and lost, rip) a raijin drum, and their clan head still using the drum mallet as a weapon

Anyways so like, just kinda thinking ab the fun potentials of the Hatake's relationship with sound (the sound of thunder, the sound of a howl, the sound of a thundrous drum beat), and then how that may represent itself in different ways in their culture (wearing blue, as to them it's the "color of sound")

Getting into Naruto was a fucking mistake bc at this point I'm just straight up building the Hatake clan from the ground up.

I am coming up with culturally significant weapons and themes and festivals for them. And clan specific attacks and specializations. And like. Timelines and histories and complex relationships with their local government as I sort out a Wolves of the Woods plot involving the Iron Daimyo being overthrown by his concubine (with some implied interference of the Nara) who then, using her son as the new puppet Daimyo, calls to assemble the shinobi clans of Iron— and has some ideas of trying to put a leash on the wild clans. Which is part of why the Hatake left Iron for Fire (and konoha)

And of genetic illnesses and complications that are common within the clan and the gods they may worship and spirits they may honor.

Etc. Etc.

Anyways this was a mistake and I can already tell that at some point, when I inevitably someday stop being into Naruto, I'll probably end up slapping a different clan name on top of the Hatake's name and going "omg hey (irl friends) look at this completely original ninja clan I made. No relation to Naruto btw. Promise."

I'm having a lot of fun tho. So. It's not my fault Kishimoto gave us basically nothing, resulting in free real-estate of epic proportions in the exact general shape of smthn I'd easily get obsessed with

Fully giving up and giving into The Voices, need 21 of these guys, if only just as names and designs to reference and trick people into thinking the world is more fleshed out. (<- completionist who likes to have even bg details no one will ever see ironed out in her stories)

Only got 7 so far, which is more than enough for a first chapter about fun funky Iron country court politics involving the Hatake's being summoned to pay respect to the new Daimyo, who's most certainly being puppeted by his mother, a concubine of the previous Daimyo who may or may not have had a hand in his untimely death.

Ft. "Shit we need to trick them into thinking there's more of us than there really are, but also we can't bring too many of us bc we can't just abandon the fields/are still struggling to pick up the pieces from winter, and only like 3 of us are actually trained to deal with court things," "Oh what the fuck why are the Nara here, they're Fire shinobi? What does this imply about the death of the previous Daimyo?" and also "bad news everybody! The concubine using her son as a puppet daimyo is from an influential samurai family and wants the few shinobi clans of Iron to either get with the new program (getting put on her leash) or get the fuck out"

Mmm I love shinobi politics,, so many thoughts,,, such little attention span,,

#I have more art but that at least Ill wait to post till I actually put out a chapter but like #yippie !!! #I spent quite literally all day and night drawing this + chapter 1 comic n doodle. my tablet says Ive been drawing for almost 15 hours #my knees hurt #oh man my art motivation for specifically colored art is coming back to me #everybody cheer #woo !!! #sorry for so much oc stuff btw #but actually yk what? no Im not bc Im having fun #I love this little playground of rhe 1798 Iron Country Hatake political situation #its totally free game and I am thrashing about wildly and carefree

The Hatake Clan of the year 1798, 2 years before Konoha's founding

7 / 21 accounted for (I'll make the others, or possibly beg someone to share their own with me, as I go along)

+ Bonus designs as I think about political machinations :

"when I looked it up, the wiki says that Iron country actually has little to no shinobi, and instead use samurai?

So, like, incooperating that, thinking that they ultimately ditch it for fire bc in 1789, the new daimyo (who is only 15 and being puppeted by his mother, the previous Daimyo's concubine, who also comes from a big samurai family) basically tells all the existing shinobi clans in iron (of which there are very few and generally keep to themselves out in the wilds) that they need to either leave, stop being shinobi alltogether, or come sit at the foot of the throne like good boys and sign some fun funky new contracts with the new daimyo heavily restricting their every move

like 2 years later Konoha is founded and the Hatake, who were looking for a way to get out of their situation, took the opportunity and ran"

Anonymous asked:

omg i love Kurumi's design!!! she’s so cutee!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH !!! She is my favorite little egotistical brat most ever fr, I'm so happy to hear you say that you think she's cute! I have a lot of fun with her design tbh, simple but sweet

Don't let her hear you say that tho or it'll go straight to her head

#wolves of the woods....save me wolves of the woods..... #(<- blatantly ignoring all my other shit I need to update / promised to do for others) #shh dw ab it

Got somethin cookin ,, pray for me ,,

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Don't do it Ohai she is The Worst

#IM SO GLAD U LIKE HER THO !!!! #Haruka my beloved #girlboss extraordinaire

@ohai-there 🔄

not to be a lesbian but oh my fucking god. oh my god. jesus fucking christ. oh my god. fucking shit jesus fuck oh my fucking jesus fucking christ. god in heaven. holy fuck ing shit

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

PLEASEE

#HELP #FHFVJSHFJD IM GLAD U LIKE HER ?? THO ?? #ur enthusiasm delights and encourages me infinitely #Haruka lesbian catnip pass it on #I mean she is incredibly single till the day she dies so ig u have a chance

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

The Illness....... its spreading..........

Take a silly Haruka snippet from my wip in the hopes it can infect u further:

"Haruka—"

Tetsuo's attempt to get his clan heads attention was ignored as the woman instead continue her shouting at their youngest clansman, currently stuck in a tree as the packs newest wolf pup barked happily up at her.

"She only wants to be friends!"

"SHE WANTS TO EAT ME!"

"That's how you become friends! Give her a nibble back!"

"I ALREADY DID AND IT ONLY MADE HER WORSE!!"

"That just means you didn't do it well enough, try again!"

Little Kurumi, all of 8 years old and looking like she wanted to be anywhere other than the tree she was currently trapped in, gave Haruka a disbelieveing look.

"Haruka." Tetsuo tried again, but Haruka only waved a dismissive hand at him.

"You should take it as a compliment! She only bites cute girls, you know!"

At that, Kurumi puffed up, turning a shade of red so bright it was visible from paces away.

"YOU'RE ONLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE SHE NEARLY TOOK A CHUNK OUT OF YOU EARLIER!"

"What can I say," Haruka shrugged, smirking. "She has great taste."

"YOU'RE THE WORRRRSTTT!!!!"

Kurumi stomped her foot as she screamed it, which turned out to be a deeply unwise decision on her part. The stomp shook the branch she was standing on, her chakra control not anywhere near good enough for her feet to keep their hold onto the suddenly swaying branch.

She screeched as she toppled over off of her branch, tumbling into the snow covered grass below with enough force to send up a puff of white.

She then screeched even louder when not even half ansecond later, the wolf pup descended on her, slobbering all over her face with happy licks.

Tetsuo felt himself relax as he recognized that was all the pup seemed to want to do.

If nothing else, Kurumi's shrieks were almost comforting. It was a simple fact of life: if Kurumi had the lungs to yell, she undoubtedly would.

Still, he glanced at Haruka. "Should I...?"

"Eh, she'll be fine." Haruka shrugged, then turned.

"What was it that you needed?"

#thats so funny tho oh my god #manifesting.... #MY BRAIN IS STILL EXPLODING U LIKE HER SO MUCH FIDBDLSBDOSJD #now I have to keep writing ig #oh nooo

@ohai-there 🔄

#i literally had fantasies about her this is so messed up

#im having way too much fun with these guys im so sorry to those of u who follow me for actual aus n fics n stuff #these guys are just so much fun they have consumed 90% of my focus these days #I think of them constantly #shout out to those of u who have been loud in ur support for them u are the reason Im still posting what Im doing tbh #haruka my beloved #fun fact about her: she is not to be trusted as a babysitter.

She is The Worst.

Naruto (Hatake) oc art pt. [1] [2] [3]

Anonymous asked:

I get the vibe that Haruka and Jiraiya could have gotten along decently well

IM CRYING ACTUALLY BC AS I WAS DRAWING HARUKA LAST I THOUGHT SMTHN SIMILAR TO MYSELF

I think they could get along well to a point-- but if Haruka finds him peeping on anyone, she will immediately intact violence and probably tie him up upside down somewhere public for women to throw things at

Haruka only disrespects women when they ask her to 💪

Otherwise tho, as long as he keeps the fucking anime predator vibes under the bed, I think they could get along great

RIP Hatake Haruka, you would have loved Icha Icha

#thinking it could be fun if they get a contract w a really fucked up octopus or smthn #they insist its a wolf to anyone who questions them #the tentacles say otherwise. #they are clinically insane and also probably deeply religious/superstitious #before the Witnessing Of Horrors they were probably still religious and superstitious just bc like #warring states japan #but after the event it got ramped up to like. a 20 on a scale of 10 #note: this does not mean they follow the specific customs and respect the specific “laws” of religion/superstition #it just means that by GOD do they believe in it #and interact w it probably #could be fun if rhey were a yokai magnet idk #they are banned from Uzushio bc theyre one of the only people to come back from the spiral demon or whatever in 1 piece #and the Uzumaki think that they have a chunk of it lodged in their soul #which. #they might. #so. #priests see them and start seizing #all in a days work <3

Hear me out: warring states era Hatake who went on a mission somewhere in the land of waves and fell off the fucking map— where they then witnessed the Unspeakable Timeless Horrors Of The Sea And Spiral, then washed up on shore a solid years later, irreversible changed and tangibly Other.

Their wolf contract no longer works because there is something so deeply Wrong with them that animals (especially contract beats and spirits) can feel it. There is something tangibly, legitimately Other(tm) about them, and while they've been wholeheartedly accepted back into the clan, everyone knows this is not the same person who they lost a year ago

They gazed into the abyss and the abyss gazed back type shit fr

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

@ohai-there 🔄

#showing the uzumaki clan the true meaning of uzumaki (junji ito) #the horrors beyond description and inescapable

Comments:

croutonconfidential: They went into the abyss and it was the abyss that came back, not them

oh-no-its-bird: YEAHHH YOU GET IT

rosyhatake: All animals run from them, I bet it's sad cause hatake are really sensitive to things as well because of their contract. Imagine their loved ones still care for them but have this uncanny valley feel when they're with them. Also Uzumaki temple. You know how Orochimarus was able to summon the shinigami by using a mask in the Uzumaki mask temple? Yeah it would be nice if we add that in there. Kind of like how truth from FMAB takes something from a person when they see the gate of truth. She probably dabbled a little to close to the Uzumaki shenanigans and now is a bit of eldritch being:>

oh-no-its-bird: Hunting is 10 times more fun because depending on how much they're projecting their aura, every animal within a a mile can feel them coming and flee in terror (they have left many an animal horrifically traumatized, Im sure)

I think they're kinda bummed ab it sometimes but other times derive way too much joy from just scaring the shit out of animals by just existing (I think they were a bit of a bully even before they went a little insane and eldrich-y)

But also like :((( the puppies wont let them pet them :((( this is so fucked up (the dogs are cowering in fear and they're banned from the summoned wolves world bc they're vibes are so rancid)

ALSO UR SO SMART FOR THE TEMPLE THO OOOO IM WRITING THAT DOWN FRANTICALLY TO SEE IF I CAN PUT A LINK THERE

rosyhatake: They put the uzumaki clan mask ONCE, met the shinigami and now no one likes them :/

bellieve-in-yourself: For some reason I’m thinking of Humboldt squids, they are super aggressive, cannibalistic, and travel in packs of 1,200. Humboldt attacks are terrifying, think movie Piranha attacks but bigger with bright red bioluminescence. If OC can’t have wolves, give them something worse :)

oh-no-its-bird: Oh my god you're a fucking genius, I am kissing ur brain rn. I'm going w them now 100% that is their summons

woodblxssomcrowned asked:

Don't know if you've mentioned it and I've just missed it, if I have feel free to ignore this, but if not I wanted to ask: Since the Hatake clan has so few children and the ones that does exist and children overall are very much treasured, what was the WS era Hatake's view on sending children into war at a very young age? Do you HC that they do it just the same as other clans and it contributed to the dwindling number? Or did they do things differently?

OHHH THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION ACTUALLY ?? OK SO

I hc that obv, warring states era, pretty much all the clans are starting out teaching their kids a lot younger than in modern times. (Though there are some exceptions in modern w some clan kids, who gets the same education that they're clans have been giving for hundreds of years)

Now, modern village-era has a lot more to teach with stuff like techniques and jutsu, (with there having been a big boom not only in the invention of new jutsu when Konoha was founded but also in the sharing of them between clans + making them standard) but warring states held them to a much higher standard with the basics they were given

So a 13 year old from modern konoha may know a few more tricks and techniques than a 13 year old from the warring states— but the warring states kid is probably going to be at a higher standard of skill. Not just bc they had less to learn and was thus trained on their basics over and over again, but also bc the states were harder on their kids bc like. They faced constant danger from literally every single direction at all times.

The village may have industrialized the child soldier buisness but it did help some. It provided a place where they didn't have to begin training till they were older (unless family interfered ofc) where they could act as children without fear of eandering too far and getting caught by bloodline thieves or rival clans, where there was time and space for them to fail at being a "good shinobi" and hopefully learn to be better

The warring states did not have any of that.

Anyways with that said! I think different clans have different standards of at what age their kids are adults now and what age are they properly battle ready.

The consensus tho is usually about ~15/16 for them being an adult (though that's still in air quotes)

You'll notice that clans who have less conflicts/are in more secure positions, have higher standards for adulthood. Like Uzushio, who considers their kids to be adults at 17.

Similarly, clans have different standards for when their kids are battlefield ready! There's a big divide also between the children of the clan head and the other children of the clan— ofc the clan heads children will probably be considered battle ready much earlier than others might just bc the clan head wants to make sure their children really get that experience.

You don't not have to be an adult to be battle ready, and many children are given missions with older clan escorts to guide them. If a child can prove their skill, they'll possibly be given their own solo missions, but ofc the type of mission is considered.

There's also probably a big difference in clans like the senju (not at risk to bloodlime theieves bc of how rare the mokuton is) and the Uchiha (very fucking at risk) treat sending out their children on missions!

So like, a senju kid might get an easy, solo courier missiom after proving their skill

But there's no way in hell the Uchiha would send out a child of the same skill and age on a solo mission of any kind

SO. ANYWAYS. THE HATAKE.

Like you said, I hc that they're a very small clan, and have problems both with fertility and also in safely giving birth. Even if they do get pregnant, there's a lot of miscarriages, c sections, and the mother dying in birth. It's very unfortunate, and because of it they treasure their children greatly

Which means ofc that their views on kids are a bit different than other clans!

Now, they are still a shinobi clan in the middle of the warring states era.

They do however have an extra bonus of being based in Iron— which actually has very few other shinobi clans, and whos millitary is mostly made up of samurai. So they have no real worries about neighboring clans attacking.

They don't even really have any direct enemies among the clans? And they have a terrifying reputation, some earned and some pure rumor, so most who know of them hear their name and immediatley turn around to book it the other way.

Which is to say: it's a bit safer for them to venture out and about than other clans, like the Uchiha.

So anyways:

When a Hatake is around 14-16, they'll lead their first hunt and have the option of gaining their 'stripes'. Red tattoos painted onto their face by the clans spiritual leader (Tobirama, when visiting his mother's clan in the past, got his tattoos here)

Once they have stripes, they are technically considered an adult— but there are ofc stages of it and they tend to not be really seen as an adult adult till about 18

The Hatake's are a self sustaining tribe and only take missions if they need the coin or it interests them. And when they do, the missions tend to be either bloody or something along the lines of "please come stand next to me and look menacing xoxo thx"

They arent to take any missions, solo or otherwise, till they've lead their first hunt. There are occasional exceptions: if the kid begs hard enough/ if the missiom looks simple and easy enough/if the missiom actually requires someone around that age/and ofc it's never solo— but in general before they lead a hunt, they pretty much never ever leave the home of their woods.

Its very boring and does lead to lots of pent up energy and begging of PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GO ON A MISSION PLEASE JUST ONE JUST ONE SINGLE MISSION ILL EVEN DELIVER MAIL IF I HAVE TO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Even once they've got their stripes, it usually takes them a bit to get their first solo mission— both bc of over protection and also bc Haruka, the clan head, is a bitch and thinks it's funny to see them cry about it.

And ofc, the clan head is the one who has final say in who gets what mission. Tho in general the matter is usually dealt with by her heir— she can just butt in at any time

SO. THEIR OPINION ON OTHER CLANS.

The kids themselves burn with jealousy with the knowledge that their peers got to see battlefields when they were 12 or whatever

The adults find it mildly distasteful, but again, they are shinobi clans in the middle of the warring states era (and also a shinobi clan with a well deserved reputation for being fucking maniacs who would tear the world apart for their family)

So they're ultimately typically kind of "damn that's crazy. I would never." (Judgmental side eye and quick retort towards their own child to not get any ideas)

I think it's hard to say specifically bc its a balance of them valuing children and all but also like. Shinobi. Yk. They are a culture built on the backs of blood and bone

There's also an interesting prospect of how coming to the village changed this— or would have, in the short years the Hatake had their before they got wiped the fuck out

Ofc, using my own ocs here, when they come to Konoha there's only one real kid left, Kurumi at ~10, and there's a few years of busy work with Konoha getting set up and all sorts of shiny new things and people to distract her before it becomes smthn she remembers to beg for again

Sakumo would be born a couple years later, and his clan would die before it became a relevant enough topic to really discuss

BUT YEAH THATS MY TAKE ON WARRING STATES CHILDREN CULTURE N STUFF THANK U FOR UR ASK

#MAn. #Why is art so hard #ag. the pain of comics. #Im sorry tsuki the spiral will not be drawn consuming u today. Perhaps tommorow idk

I dont. Want to finish this. M.

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

YEAH EXACTLY !!!

The ultimate proof of Hatake family loyalty: a creature wearing your clansmens body returns, but it's still at least partially ur clansmen. Is whatever questionable part of them that remains enough for them to still be family?

Apparently! A little bit Hatake is still a Hatake!! Let the boy back in! He's just a little bit special now, let's not think or talk about it. Ever. Especially in front of others, no one needs to know about this little oopsie. <3

Im thinking his clan stripes were somehow removed in his years gone and he never indicated he wants them redone and no one ever brings it up bc if he wanted them back, they would not be the same bc they're supposed to represent different things depending on the person. And who he was now is not the boy who was given his past stripes. There's a clear divide in the story of his tattoos

He's on loan, one day he'll have to go back to The Spiral but for now he gets to go home and chill w the wolves (the wolves are all cowering and or growling every time he comes near)

#kakashi's incredible compartmentalization skill +ability to ignore shit he doesnt want to think ab is clearly inherited from his clan

#they have character tags now bc I draw them sm !! #hatake haruka #hatake Kurumi

Trying to get back into animation but also oh my god my attention span can not handle this.

Take a silly little Haruka and Kurumi animation I did, I'm actually especially proud of Kurumi tbh— I think her simple shapes make her a lot easier to animate than the hell that is Haruka's everything

Who knows what crimes Kurumi has been committing while Haruka was distracted. Whatever it was, Haruka probably approves, so it was most likley at someone else's expense

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

Thank u sm for ur nice tags @ohai-there they were the funniest shit ever and also allowed me to make this, which I also think is the funniest shit ever but I am a) incredibly biased and b) really fucking tired from drawing this all night instead of going to bed

IM SO GLAD U LIKE HARUKA THO !!! She has that unstoppable bisexual older woman riz fr, I'm so happy knowing u like her dicbsofbdkf

It's actually a good thing that Kurumi died at 15, the world wouldn't be able to handle the weight of her ego at literally any age 16 and up. If Kurumi managed to reach her 18th birthday all of Konoha would probably immediatley catch fire.

#shiruka <333333 #Im growing very attached to her #Haruka is gonna pick her up by the scruff and declare her adoption shaped I think #but also not. actually adopt her bc Shiruka is dodging the concept like its a fucking missile #go away Haruka!!!

Bad news: So you fell from grace for your fathers sins and now everyone is pretending you don't exist, including ur cousin (and former closest friend) also ur now basically in charge of raising your little brother bc ur moms having a mental breakdown off screen. U are only 15.

Good news: Umm so there's this new budding ninja village only 2 years away from being made where no one knows who u are <3

Early Konoha oc art pt. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]

#i love these guys so much I could fucking explode actually #I have a whole soap opera in my head for them. ough #doomed by the naarative fr

More silly early konoha oc art

10 minutes to death and they know it

Haru and Shikasada quickly rising in the favorite doomed yaoi charts

Idiots <3

Early Konoha oc art pt. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]

#official haruka post #thank u for reading #haruka hears she cant have sex w her girlfriend of the week on the desk and is immediately disinterested

Haruka Hatake would try to become Hokage ONLY because she wants to do a line of cocaine off the Hokage desk. She'd quit immediatley after.

Well. Everyone on the chart is fucking dead, and I'm mostly finished with my Warring States era to Modern Konoha timeline chart

Ok so like. AU where Sakumo was born during the warring states.

Going with my timeline, Hatake Haruka was 49 when she had Sakumo, a good 5 years into Konoha's creation.

Meanwhile her twin sister had Hashirama at only 19, and Tobirama at 24.

(There's some sort of joke to be made here about her sister getting all the fertility in the family)

So like, super easy timeline tweak: Haruka just gives birth way, way earlier. Maybe at the same time as her sister has Hashirama, so they're the same age

Anyways I don't have any specific thoughts for this. Just like. Sakumo in warring states. I wish to see it.

Sakumo being raised by the Hatake clan as their heir instead of growing up orphaned at 7 with his entire clan dead overnight,,, ough,,

He grows up in the woods of iron country, acompanies his mother to Iron Court that fateful day that the Daimyo began to crack down on Iron shinobi clans,, Does this mean he replaced someone in the original party that went or is he just there alongside them?

Tetsuo is no longer clan heir, which is also part of what got most of the kids his age to stop picking on him. (Well, that and the fact he started beating them up for it) So does that mean the teasing continues for some more years than it would have otherwise? What's his place in the clan like, if he isn't heir? I feel like Haruka might still single him out as someone to keep an interested eye on, and his father is still one of Haruka's most trusted people, so.

Tetsuo and Sakumo friendship,,,, that'd be an interesting change in dynamic actually, since in the original Tetsuo kind of acts as an older brother / uncle figure. He's supposed to raise Sakumo after Haruka goes and dies, (tho ofc he also then goes and dies) was training him to be clan heir— but now in this AU they're like. Around the same age. Actually, if anything, Sakumo is older than him. That's fun to think about

Umm Sakumo maybe taking Tetsuo under his wing when they're kids and helping discourage the other kids from picking on him? That could be fun and also just an interesting flip in dynamic

Tetsuo is no longer Haruka's second, now he's Sakumo's in this verse ig

Anyways.

Sakumo having Kakashi around or some time before Konoha's founding ,,, Kakashi is one of the first Konoha kids, let's go

Let's say he's like. 5 when Kagami and friends are like. 10. Does that work? I think that fits in with the timeline but this is a silly what if AU so I'm not going to worry about it too hard

Kakashi being friends with Hashirama and Mito's kid,,, whoever tf they are. They'd be like. 6 to his 5, so. Childhood friends!! And cousins, actually. That's another fun thing to think about.

"Kakashi is actually directly related to the founders" aus are so fun but u know what's even MORE fun? When u take one of those aus and make it like. A relevant relationship we get to see on screen in some way.

Tobirama babysitting Kakashi and Hashirama's kid,, he is winning all the best uncle awards

Anyways yeah. I feel like Sakumo's presence would have to affect things somehow, but I'm mostly just having fun thinking ab the silly day to day. Maybe we could get second hokage Sakumo instead of Tobirama out of this or smthn, idk.

Sakumo and Kakashi existing somehow manages to save enough clan members for the Hatake to survive to modern Konoha, totally changing the political map.

Maybe he somehow manages to prevent Hyuuga Hiname's poisoning, meaning she actually manages to become clan head and begins to dismantle the caged bird seal? Or maybe he doesn't and gets to be one of the people who allied themselves w Hiname who are forced to look on as she's not so secretly killed for her beliefs, unable to interfere bc of it being an "inter clan matter"

Or maybe his interference affects when Madara left the village, giving Konoha a few more (or maybe less...) years of peace (if we go with the idea that the jinchuriki being created sped up the first shinobi war)

Idk, but, having ideas. Having thoughts. It's fun to think ab.

#my daughter..shes so pretty I love uer #I keep having to twll myself Im allowed to post one off silly sketches #i am holding on to so much naruto oc art bc I feel bad posting them as I draw them bc it drowns out my actual naruto posts #which is ILLEGAL

Older what if Kurumi doodle from last night

domoz asked:

Mayhaps I want to ask about "genderfuck"

From this ask meme

Oh this is a fun one actually, like, in my heart. It's also an Kurumi one, full disclaimer, so

SUMMARY // Hatake Kurumi and the trials and tribulations of being a shinobi girl hitting puberty, who just so happened to have been born a boy.

---

"Maybe I should just castrate myself." Kurumi sniffled.

"Kurumi," Her mother sighed, still patient. "You are not allowed to try and castrate yourself till at least 20."

"But it'll be too late by then!" She wailed.

I think I might have already posted this one snippet of it bc I remember thinking it was funny, but oh well Ill just post it anyways if that is the case.

But like, eunuch Hikaku mention:

"I bet Hikaku-sama would know how to castrate someone." Kurumi mumbled, kicking at the floor dejectedly, and her mother paused.

"Why in the world would Uchiha Hikaku know how to safely castrate someone?"

Kurumi stared at her mother blankly, who stared back with an equally confused expression.

"Um, cuz he's a eunuch, right?"

"Excuse me?"

Kurumi frowned. "He had to chop of his own thing, for some mission in the Daimyo's court or something, right? Before he became clan heir?"

"Where did you hear that?"

"The twins told me!" Kurumi scowled, oddly miffed by her mother's doubt.

"And you believed them?"

Kurumi planted her fists on her hips. "Well when I asked Kagami, he believed it too! And every time after that when I mentioned it to people, no one argued!"

"Hatake Kurumi," her mother began, setting down her knife with a soft clack onto the cutting board. Kurumi froze at her mothers dangerously level tone.

"Have you been going around telling people that the Uchiha clan heir is a eunuch."

"Um." Was all she could manage, finally realizing she may have messed up. Just a bit.

Anyways I thought it'd be fun to tackle being trans specifically set in early konoha, and all take a fun little peek at all the world building aspects I could possibly dig into with it!

I have an older post still buried in my drafts about my takes on how it's interesting to think ab how Konoha developing as a village might have impacted the trans experience of its shinobi and civillians— specifically from the standpoint of paperwork.

Thinking something along the lines of, earlier konoha had more unregistered home births and messy paperwork that also made it very easy to go in and change details of by simply going to an office and saying "Hey btw my mom filled out this form wrong when I was born. I'm a girl just so u know." And you'll just kinda get a shrug and a "oh ok cool, I'll change that then"

Vs more modern Konoha where you might get some more complicated loops to jump through and extra paperwork stating specifically that you are trans and would like to Officially Request (tm) a change in the presenting gender listed on your file and also would you like to sign up for our hormone therapy or any gender affirming surgery?

Just like. Thinking ab the little things and progression and changes through time (none specifically good or bad) at how things are done depending on the state of the village. Fun to think about

Sorry anyways:

For this oneshot, if I ever continue it, I also would have fun in playing with how different clans and groups see gender.

Like, Kurumi goes to the Orochi who are rather infamously gender apathetic and kinda just do their own thing as part of their clan culture.

The Shiranui make a cameo with their concepts of how gender can be used as a weapon and presenting yourself certain ways is just another tool in the box to play with for a shinobi

The Inuzuka come in w their matriarchal clan to talk ab the concept of womanhood or smthn quirky like that, I'm not too sure yet but I think it'd be neat if they were there

Just. Having fun exploring the ways different clans and their cultures view and interact with gender. Some clans are welcome to the concept of trans people, some clans legit just don't care, some clans have trans ideas built into their identity, others might think it a bit strange but ultimately not their buisness, etc.

Then also the differences between how shinobi clans treat gender and transness vs how civilians treat it (w the shinobi caring a whole lot less ab it all. Probably bc they have other things to worry about)

Early Konoha is already so ripe w potential as a melting pot of cultures meeting for the first time ever ,,, I wanna play with it.

I will say tho going into it and still now, I kinda just plan on steering clear of transphobia— if it were to appear it'd be in flashes and get a "damn, that's crazy. Anyways." Reaction from Kurumi as she goes back to asking Tobirama if he has a cure for her growing a beard

I like playing things as straight as possible and really leaning hard into "ok but what are ALL the reactions I can get out of this and how do I play with them" but I kinda just. Don't wanna write that. This'd be a fun, silly comedy about a ninja girl learning ab shinobi clan history and gender culture and I will indulge myself on that

ANYWAYS ! thank u for playing the ask game w me Domoz, sorry I dive bombed u w Kurumi for ur reply rip

@oh-no-its-bird 🔄

This is fucking incredible thank you @ne-ono I am losing my mind over it just a little

Anonymous asked:

Hiname makes a poor decision or three? Was the first poor decision trusting the twins with anything ever?

#hesitated to post this one bc of the subject matter but like #ive posted iffier content before and this arguably has a good message / resoloution #to be clear tho i am a freak who thinks older woman / younger woman relationships are fun (in media) #this isnt an anti that post i want to make that clear #i love older women !!!!! #i am around Hiname's age and would also throw myself at Haruka lets be real

From this ask game

Oh boy ok this is a messy one actually, and a bit on the angstier side

So like, basically: this one is a vague plan for a cut chapter of wolves of the woods where an 18/19 year old Hiname spirals, tries to convince Haruka to sleep with her, then gets momed instead as Haruka pretty much goes "ahahaha so we aren't doing that actually <3"

With that said, copy pasted from my notes app:

Summary//

Her wolves were dead, their blood on her hands.

Kurumi was years gone, for all her mismatched eyes still haunted her.

Her plans to abolish the caged bird seal have hit a wall she can't seem to break.

Rapidly spiraling, Hyuuga Hiname propositions one Hatake Haruka.

Haruka is less than amused.

+ general notes:

(Haruka guides Hiname to a room and sits her down on the bed. Hiname is practically shaking. But Haruka just tucks her in and leaves, coming back in a little bit with soup.

Hiname is ??????

But Haruka goes "clearly you've lost your mind, silly :)"

Haruka asks her why she doesn't just sleep w that servant of hers thats always following her around but Hiname says it's like. Wrong.

She wouldn't know how to say no, she's too loyal. Hiname can't put her in that position.

Haruka just pauses and pats Hiname's head and goes, "You're a good girl, Hiname." This does not help Hiname feel any less mortified about her current situation.

And some actual writing:

Haruka stopped. Looked at Hiname, really looked at her.

The notch that had been taken out of her lip the month prior had only just finished healing. Her chipped tooth flashing from behind the sliced skin as her lips flattened into a frown.

"You're... propositioning me." Haruka said, for once devoid of amusement.

"I am."

Haruka cocked her head. "I'm not unaware of the effect I have on kids your age."

Hiname's face caught fire. "I'm not a kid, I'm—"

"Yes, yes, oh wow you're so old, a whole eighteen! How wonderful for you. I am, however, more than three times your age."

"Well—" Hiname floundered for a moment. "How old do I have to be?"

"Normally?" Haruka tapped her lips, humming. "I mean, I don't usually ask, but if they tell me the number or I can guess it we'll enough, at least 25, preferably. I might give lower 20's a shot, if it's a one time thing and they seem to know what they want. For you though?"

She propped her head up on her palm, humming theatrically as Hiname's fidgeting increased, growing more and more impatient with every second Haruka dragged on. Finally, Haruak smiled sunnily, and tapped Hiname's nose.

"Mmmm... 30."

30—!?" Hiname gaped, and Haruka's grin only grew.

"Yes, come back to me when you're 30, and maybe I'll give you a chance."

"But— But— I'll probably be dead by then! You'll probably be dead by then!"

30 was an ambitious age for any shinobi, never mind whatever number Haruka would be on by the time Hiname got so far.

"Well not with that attitude!" Haruka mocked.

" What?"

So. First off. Midway through writing this post I got distracted and decided to draw older Hiname. So. Take this:

Hiname my beloved ,, she deserves to pull some dumb bitch moves as she struggles to keep herself afloat, trying her best to find a road that will allow her to abolish the caged bird seal at only 18/19. (Not that it'll bring her anything but an untimely death of her own, rip)

I think she gets to become especially close with Haruka after the twins deaths, not just bc of naturally going for her for the comfort of a trusted older woman figure in her life but also like. Bc part of her "let's get rid of this fucking seal" plan involves approaching other clan heads for political backing, which Haruka readily gives her without any strings attached.

She's one of the few allies Hiname has left in the world that are behind her 100%, just because they support her and her cause

Haruka will not, however, be giving her the time of day in any sort of romantic or sexual way. Sorry Hiname! She's known u since you were a kid, that's fucking weird for her.

She will instead take this opportunity to pick you up, declare you daughter shaped, and put you in her pocket (and continue to prove that anyone she decides to consider daughter shaped is doomed to die an early death. Oops! Should have learned with Shiruka, idk)

Tbh I think there's just a lot of good space and potential for an interesting story to tell in like. The messes we can make as lonely human people, especially in our most stressed moments.

Hiname just wants some company from someone she can truly trust, and maybe deep down she chose to approach Haruka bc she knew that Haruka would treat her right— which in this case, meant telling her no (like a responsible adult) and trying to help her explore her options and talk through her feelings

In media I'll often see similar stories of some young adult throwing themselves at a much older person, and I do think it can be interesting and fun to see from a story telling standpoint.

But also like— age and the history of the people at play should play into a dynamic like that, and it always annoys me a little when it's not brought up, or just brushed over, or when it is played into its not played into enough— like, cmon guys if you're gonna go down that route at least make it interesting!!! You have all the ingredients for some prime soap opera drama, why aren't you using them to their fullest potential???

So anyways. I think it'd be fun to try to tell one of those stories— but then it turns out that the adult having a young woman throw herself at them is actually (gasp, shock, I know) a normal fucking person who doesn't want to fuck a girl she's arguably been close with since she was 15.

Maybe it's catharsis for every time I end up screaming at my computer screen watching Kennie JD summarize a shitty tubi movie where a guy readily fucks a girl he's known since she was a minor while he was in his late 20s. Maybe this is my own fix it version of that story where the guy isn't a creep.

Who knows.

So like, circling back to ur original ask. Actually, you were actually right actually bc Hiname's first mistake really was trusting the twins (to survive) <3

Anyways. In summary:

(I've been waiting to post that one for a while FJFBSOBFKSNDKS)

croutonconfidential asked:

did any of your hatake ocs ever bite through their lips or tongues as kids? with all them fangs and teeths and being young uncoordinated children i imagine it could have happened, possibly

#thank you for ur ask I am kissing u on ur brain #I love oc asks I love to know people are interested in my silly little guys #Im drawing comics for my Hatake rn actually #i have like. 2 done. making a third. also want to make uhhh 2 more. plus some misc art #then Ill post them all together #theyre mostly tsuki and tetsuo focused + a newer Hatake as I try to fill in the 21 names I need to have a complete clan roster to reference

OMG HI OC ASK HOW EXCITING !!! I just saw this actually sorry for replying so late but

YES ALL THE TIME!

I am pointing at Hiro specifically, who has an issue where his one fang is way longer than the other. When he was a kid, he had an extra long time learning how to eat without making a mess, talk without lisping, and just constantly be cutting into his lower lip. (And also he has the WORST time whistling, which is fun bc later down the line he turns the Hatake's howling sound attack into basically a whistling machine gun attack.)

His lower lip probably has some sort of scarring from it, but you can't really see it just from how the tooth pokes out to cover it.

Anyways like. POV Hiro is 5 years old and just bit into his lip for the 7th time that day and has to ask for a new bandaid

There's a bit of a variety in fang shapes in the clan too, like— you have Hiro, with his one fang too big. Then Haruka had a bit of a double set of fangs, the one normal extra big canines but then the teeth around that are also extra sharp. Then Tetsuo, who is half Hoshigaki, all of his back teeth are also sharp, along with his canines. Then Tsuki used to have the normal Hatake set of fangs but after his whole thing with the spiral demon, his lower teeth are now all fang shaped along with his canines. Man went missing for 2 years and came back with plastic surgery ig

In general tho, I think Hatake kids have an awful time with their fangs— though that thought goes for any clan with sharp teeth. Especially in the transition period of getting their adult teeth.

POV you lose one baby fang and start growing in your adult fang but now your mouth feels all unbalanced because suddenly you have just one really big sharp tooth in there

Usually with animals baby teeth are sharper, right? I think that stands for them too. Small, sharp baby fangs and big, clunky, hard to get used to adult fangs.... ough...

Ok but now I just want a fic about a kid Kakashi after losing his dad having his baby teeth start falling out and he suddenly has to deal with having clumsy adult fangs and no one he can ask about them

,,,,

Writing that down on a sticky note and pasting it to the pile of sticky note reminders of things to include in Chasing Shadows

Celebrating my 21'st birthday by posting an obnoxious amount of

Warring States Hatake OC things !

Continuing the warring states era Hatake oc train as I try to fill up all 21 slots for the clan !!! I honestly don't know if I'll make all 21, but I'd like to at least give them all names, just to make the world feel lived in. I might ask someone else to donate an oc or two in the future to guest star in the cast, idk

But anyways !!!! In a clan who loves to adopt, it stands to reason that they ofc have people among them who weren't born Hatake.

With that said: Pyromaniac explosion enthusiast Hatake who was a failed bloodline theft anyone ???

Both Sora and Tsuki are pretty fucking horrendous towards Tetsuo, but in large part it's Tsuki leading the charge. Sora follows his lead, as he's the first friend she made in the clan. They're honestly pretty close

Meanwhile: Sora remains the biggest Haruka fan ever. Being saved from the bloodline thief camp by the woman really cemented her in her mind as her hero.

After Sora lost her arm at 12 when playing with an explosion seal she'd explicitly been told not to play with, Tsuki proposed they learn to do hand signs together.

Sora would eventually be able to figure out how to do pull off a jutsu with only one hand, but it takes a long time to get there— and even when she is there, it still takes longer than if she had 2 hands. Working with Tsuki, they can both pull off just about any jutsu as fast as any one person can. Faster, even

Top ten images taken 5 seconds before disaster...

I was gonna draw 2 more pages for this, of the actual drowning attempt, but I got tired and wanted to post this today so you get a summary of what comes next instead. (Maybe I'll finish drawing it and post it separately another day)

Tsuki and Sora bullied Tetsuo pretty relentlessly till the boys were about 13, when Tsuki took things a step too far and basically tried to drown Tetsuo. Tetsuo fought back, beating both Tsuki and Sora's asses pretty soundly— and catching Haruka's attention in the process.

Seeing Tetsuo fend off the other two made up Haruka's mind, and she declared he'd be her new heir. Which he... didn't actually want to be. Oops!

Sora was pretty effectively scared out of bullying Tetsuo any further, and Tsuki mellowed out a good amount— though he remained mischievous, but that was pretty standard for him.

The blue tint of Tetsuo's skin would fade only some months later as he grew out of his Hoshigaki traits and into his Hatake blood. This also helped to lessen teasing from the other kids, along with the whole "he's the new clan heir now" thing.

Good for him.

The next day Tetsuo is super pissy and sleep deprived while Tsuki is suspiciously smug and well rested. On the bright side, Tetsuo has officially learned his lesson and will now refuse to let Tsuki ever give anyone anything he's drawn ominous spirals on.

As adults, Tetsuo and Tsuki are... fine, honestly. They're friends, in a way. Might even be counted as close— or as close as you can be, with Tsuki.

The fact that Tsuki got himself permanantly posessed by an Uzu spiral demon on that mission gone wrong in Wave doesn't make things as complicated than you'd think. Tetsuo seems to often land himself in the position of acting as Tsuki (and often times Sora's) handler.

I had a few more things I wanted to draw, but ran out of time. I'll probably just try and draw and post it later. No Sora piercing lore, Daisuke introduction post or full Tetsuo drowning comic for you!!! (Yet)

Umm final thoughts:

Tetsuo is doomed to forever be surrounded by maniacs

Early Konoha oc art pt. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]