Work Text:
Pegasus… Cassiopeia… Perseus…
Felix mindlessly listed constellations off the top of his head, eyes following the winking stars striking against their midnight backdrop. The closer he looked, the more he noticed that the sky wasn't just inky black. Splashes of violet and rose danced between the silvery milkiness, weaving between the twinkling diamonds.
“So beautiful…” He sighed. Beside him, Hyunjin stretched out a hand, reaching for the stars which were so far yet also impossibly close.
“Yongbok-ah.”
Felix turned to Hyunjin, propping himself up with his elbows. Momentarily, he found himself distracted, breath taken away by Hyunjin's beauty. Even with only liquid moonlight to illuminate his features, droopy and tired eyes rimmed red from tears, a darkened flush on the tip of his nose - Hyunjin was still beautiful. Felix wished he could tell him that. No, needed to tell him that. Press it into his lips, kissing it into his soul until he believes Felix.
“You know…” Hyunjn's voice was low but steady like his gaze fixed at the stars. “I told the stars about you.” He remarked, twirling a sunflower in his hands. Felix wordlessly arched a brow at him, waiting for him to elaborate. He could tell this was something which was weighing heavily on Hyunjjn's mind and he was more than happy to be Hyunjin's outlet.
It wasn't unusual for the two of them to go stargazing and share deep conversations. In fact, it was one of the little things which offered immense comfort to the two of them, costing nothing but rewarding them greatly. Felix even found himself studying more about constellations just to fully experience their stargazing sessions.
Hyunjin looked at him and smiled ever-so-sweetly, the same smile where his eyes crinkle up and cheeks get squished. “I told them that you have your own constellation on your cheeks and its beauty rivals all that's in the sky.”
He reached up a hand and brushed across the light caramel stars splattered on Felix's skin. Felix shivered, barely feeling the ghost of Hyunjin's hand over his skin. He missed it dearly and liked it so fervently… So much so that it tugged physically at his heart. How did he live so long without it?
Not now. Felix shook his head, banishing the heavy feelings to focus on Hyunjin because he's here. His hand is on Felix's cheek and he's right in front of Felix. He'll always be and that's all that matters.
“Did they say anything back?” He opted to ask, leaning closer into Hyunjin's caress. He liked the way Hyunjin's eyes flicked up, gazing at him so gently through his lashes.
“I also told them you have a galaxy in your eyes.” Hyunjin continued as if he hadn't heard Felix. His hand fell, gaze dropping to the sunflower in his other hand. With a trembling finger, Hyunjin plucked a petal off. He took the golden petal, bringing it to his lips and blew. The petal twirled in the air, dancing like a butterfly before soaring off the roof.
Hyunjin's smile faded, features settling into a wistful expression. Felix ached to touch his lips which were morphed into a frown and smooth it away.
“I told them you are bright like the sun but gentle like the moon. You're steady like a rock but oh so soft around the edges,” Hyunjin sighed, tugging yet another petal off the sunflower. Felix stayed silent, waiting. There was nothing he could do but let Hyunjin finish.
“Would you think I was silly if I said that I wished on a shooting star for you?” Hyunjin chuckled, poking Felix's shoulder. He heaved a sigh again, head falling back and closing his eyes.“Remember kingdom? I watched it that night, you know? I watched all your performances and it was perfect. I won't be surprised if even the sky was stunned. To be honest, I was so happy that I cried. Maybe the universe had to celebrate your beautiful performance by sending out some shooting stars.”
He laughed a bit and shrugged, "I just seized the chance to make a little wish."
Felix desperatrly wanted to say, “No. It's not perfect because you weren't there. We didn't do it together.” But the words got stuck in his throat.
Hyunjin pulled the last petal free, holding out the bare sunflower stem for Felix to take and ignoring the subdued expression on his countenance. “I guess somewhere along the way, I got tired of asking the flowers whether you loved me anymore. Whether anyone loved me anymore. So I turned to the stars, they don't listen most of the time and I'm free to drown in my delusions.”
Felix sucked in a breath, eyes wide. No. How could you doubt that? But he didn't dare say it because how could he fail to make Hyunjin believe he was loved? He had one job and he failed.
“You wanted to know what the stars responded with, right?” Hyunjin asked, letting the stem fall between them when Felix didn’t take it.
Felix nodded.
“Go after him and you'll see the answer yourself.”
Hyunjin looked up, grimacing at the night sky. A quiet breeze blew by, toying with a strand of his hair, whisking it in front of his eyes but not before Felix saw a stray tear roll down his cheek. “But I guess I let the stars down too. I told them that you, just like the stars themselves, are far from my reach. Everybody looks up to see you, admire you, and praise your twinkling wonder. I am no different, yearning for your affection from the ground below.”
Hyunjun sat up, holding Felix's hand, tearily meeting Felix's eyes, “But I'm too tired to run anymore. Your arms are where I yearn to belong but I have no place among the stars.”
Felix shook his head desperately, “Hyunjin-” The moment he spoke, Hyunjin disappeared, the faint warmth Felix felt vanished. He was left alone on the rooftop, a scatter of sunflower stems laying at his feet.
“No…” He sobbed, curling into himself. There was so much he still wanted and needed to say. Like how much he loved Hyunjin. How he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He wanted a lot, maybe even too much. He wanted to wake up and see Hyunjin first thing in the morning. He wanted to get mad at Hyunjin because he used up all his shampoo. He wanted to buy a silly bouquet and give it to Hyunjin to celebrate the day Felix realised his crush on him just because he can. He wanted to tell Hyunjin that he'll always be here. He wanted... He wanted... He wanted...
He looked up to the unforgiving sky, emotionlessly overlooking Felix’s increasingly frequent visits to the roof. The sky was paling into a milky navy, the rosy redness darkening until an orange burst met it over the horizon. The constellations were starting to fade behind dusty clouds, all but one forsaking Felix and his lonely heart. It peeked out cautiously from beside the moon, winking a purplish-blue.
A fresh round of tears streamed from Felix's eyes as he mirrored Hyunjin's movement, holding a shaking hand up. “I'm the one who has no place among the stars.”