What Buck Wanted.

by svt911

Summary:

Buck has been suffering for the longest time not until he was given a reason to do what he wants.

Will he be able to fulfill it or it will remain as his memory.

Notes:

This is fully fictional and characters are not associated in real life. Will include some scenarios that happened in real life and it might also include inaccuracies.

Chapter 1: Buck Growing up Alone.

Buck doesn't usually have plans on how his life would go not until he decided to join the 118 and met Bobby as his captain. He doesn't really know what will happened to him since it's the first time he lives in LA. At first Buck thinks that he won't last to 118 because of the attitude he has but because of Bobby, Athena, Chimney and Hen he learned how to adjust.

Buck's life wasn't like the others who started with a happy family because of he will be able to talk about it maybe it's the best that he should make fun when telling all about it. His beginning wasn't something that he's proud of but for him it's also the reason he's Buck today.

"So Buck what's your story?" Bobby asked that made Buck felt nervous and feels like his breathing is a little shallow.

"Look kid it's okay of you're not ready to share it." Bobby told him as soon as he noticed that Buck became a little pale.

"It's fine with me I can do this." Buck replied with a little smile.

 

Since Buck was a kid he learned how to handle things alone aside that his parents has different work he is mostly the one who is left while Maddie is also busy with her own life. Buck knew from the very beginning that he's all alone but as the time passes by he also started to realize that he might be alone when he grows up. 

Buck grew up in Hershey with his parents and her older sister Maddie but even though they have a nice life it's still different for him. 

"Buck we need to go out of town for work" His parents told him while he was doing his homework. 

"Will Maddie stay with me?" He asked. 

"I won't. I will be in Boston as well." Her sister answered which made him feel sad.

He was just 1- but he already learned how to live on his own. 

"Isn't it too young for you to be left alone?" Han asked while looking at Buck with sympathy. 

"I was too young but I really don't have any choice." He answered and sighed.

As Buck grew up he realizes that he really grow up alone. Yes he has family but he doesn't feel like he has one. 

"Buck I think it's time for you to discover what life you should have." Maddie told him that left him with a questioning look.

"What do you mean?" He asked. 

"Take this Jeep with you and discover yourself." Maddie told him and gave him the keys. 

As Buck tells his story to Bobby and the others they already understand why Buck is someone who's willing to risks everything even if his life is at stake. He may look like a strong and tough person but he has a lot of fears that people around him doesn't know. 

While everyone is resting Buck decided to go to the rooftop to have some fresh air.
"Finally some alone time." Buck told himself.
Having company is too draining for him he doesn't know if its because he grew up alone or it's comforting.

As Buck stand to the open area he didn't notice that tears are starting to fall from his eyes.

"Why am I feeling this again?." He questioned himself while wiping his tears.

He didn't stop crying not until the bell started to rang.

He calmed himself and went down as if nothing happened just like the old times.

Chapter 2: Buck Realizes.

Summary:

As the day goes by he started to realize what he want to do and what he wants to feel.

While on their way to the call Buck remained quiet which made the team worried about him.

He's a person who interacts while having a conversation that's why his silence makes the others worried about him.

"Kid are you alright? You seemed quiet." Bobby asked him but it looks like he didn't heard it.

"Buck." Chim called him but still didn't respond.

"Evan" Eddie called him by his first name because he hates it but still he didn't respond.

"Buckley" Hen also tried but Buck remained silent.

"Evan Buckley." Bobby called him with a high tone which got his attention and also made him a little scared.

"Yes Cap? Am I in trouble?" Buck asked with worried eyes which made the team wonder why he acted that way.

"We've been calling you but you haven't respond until I called you in your full name." Bobby said that made him thinking.

"I'm just enjoying the view cap" Buck said and avoided all the eye contact that his team gave him.

The call is a five alarm five of a building that has some workers who are trapped inside.

"Buck and Eddie go and find the remaining workers"

"Chim and Hen check those who needs medical attention"

As they follow Bobby's instruction the two went inside the burning building and looked for the remaining workers.
Most of the workers are already recovered and the building is about to collapse that's why Bobby instructed Buck and Eddie to evacuate the building.

As they evacuate the building it started collapsing. Eddie is already out but Buck was trapped inside.

While trapped with his broken radio he already started thinking the things that he wants to do and starts listing it to his mind.

"Am I going to die alone too?" He questioned himself while trying to move what's above him.

"Buck" his team keeps on calling him but they didn't get any respond.

Buck was still trapped and for the second time the building collapsed. Buck felt that something is on his leg and also to his back. He is having a hard time to breathed because of the smoke and maybe a punctured lung as well.

The team still can't find Buck which made them worried if they will find him dead or alive but they know that Buck is a tough one.

"Cap I found him. He's breathing but unconscious" Eddie said while carrying Buck.

Buck is breathing but shallow which made everyone worry and he is still unconscious when they arrived at the hospital.

They waited for hours until the Doctor showed up and told them about the injuries that Buck got.

"Mr. Buckley suffered from smoke inhalation which became the reason why he needs to be on a ventilator. He also has burns, concussions, leg and arm injuries where he will be needing therapy and brain bleed that we closely monitor. Aside from smoke inhalation the reason why he is in induced come is to give his body some time to recover."

Bobby, Eddie, Hen, and Chim tried to process what the Doctor is trying to say but it's really hard for them. Bobby and Eddie entered Buck's room while Hen and Chim went home to rest and also inform there loved ones.

While on the bedside of Buck Athena arrived and went to Bobby who is still worried and doesn't know what to think.

"How is he?" Athena asked with a worried face.

"He is critical and will be needing therapy." Bobby answered.

"Buck I'm not really sure if you hear me but please wake up." Eddie said as his tears started to fall.

 

_______

It's been two days since the accident and nothing has changed in Buck's condition which made everyone worry a lot. Maddie is also at the hospital trying to balance everything.

While they're all outside they heard a beeping sound in Buck's monitor,

"Nurse he stopped breathing." Maddie said while the tears are started to fall.

He's been down for at least 20 mins before his pulse came back.

"Kid please don't do that stunt again." Bobby told him while holding his hand.

"You told us before that you're alone but you are not alone now Buckley we are here for you and when you wake up I'll introduce you to someone" Chim said and let out a forced smile trying to make things a little lighter.

2 weeks has passed but Buck hasn't woke up yet but while Eddie is beside him he notice that Buck's finger moved and when he's eyes opened he tried to remove the tube in his mouth.

"Buck hold on." Eddie said while he's trying to calm down.

"What happened?" Buck asked still feeling weak and in pain.

"You should just rest first" Maddie told him while caressing's his hair.

Buck didn't protest and returned back to sleep because it will also help him to avoid the pain.

"I'm finally going out" Buck said with a relief.

"Yes Buck but do you want to stay at your loft or you can be with us for some time." Bobby asked him

"Buck just stayed with us it won't be easy for you if you are alone." Athena said.

"I grew up alone" he answered. "Can I have some alone time?" He said and everyone went out.

No that he is all alone he started to feel that he wants to be with someone and he wants to change the fact that he might die alone or even be alone forever. He wants to do things with someone already.
Being alone is the only constant thing that Buck has but he realizes that he wants to change those.

Chapter 3: Decisions and Adjustment

Summary:

As Bobby and Athena waits for Buck’s decision they can’t avoid thinking what if he didn’t make it. What if they didn’t have the chance to make him feel that he doesn’t need to be alone anymore.

Notes:

This Chapter will include self blame and self doubt.

As they gave Buck some space to think alone inside his room Athena and Bobby waited outside waiting for the decision that he’s going to make. 

“Do you think he’ll agree staying with us?” Bobby said while they’re still staring outside the room. 

“I hope so, with the injuries he has right now it will not be easy for him to be alone.” Athena replied. 

While waiting Athena and Bobby can’t avoid not to think that what if Buck didn’t made it and they weren’t given a chance to make him feel that he doesn’t need to be alone anymore. 

——————

Buck doesn’t really know what decision he should make but if he’ll base it on his situation right now he knows that it’s the best if he’ll stay with Bobby and Athena, but what bothers him is that the couple will also have a hard time because of him. 
He knows that he will be a big responsibility if that happens and he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to be a burden to those people who really cares for him more than his parents ever did before. 
Buck knows that the decision he’ll make will also be a big adjustment not just for him but for everyone around him as well. 

“If I just took care of myself and went out in time I won’t be here.” He said to himself while letting out a big sigh. 

“Hey” Maddie called him. “Mind if I come in?” She asked. 

“Sure” Buck replied. 

“They said that you requested for some alone time? Isn’t that something that you always have since we were kids?” 

“You don’t have to remind me that I’ve been alone in my whole life Maddie.” 

“I’m sorry that I also left you before but Evan you don’t have to be alone anymore I’m here and also the people who loves you.” 

“Bobby and Athena wants me to stay with them.” 

“You said you’ll think about it and requested the alone time?” 

“Yeah” 

“I think it’s better if you’ll stay with them I know you’re having thoughts but it’s for the best.” 

“Alright then.” 

“Okay. I’ll go outside and call them” 

“He wants both of you” Maddie said then the couple entered the room immediately. 

“Hey kid here’s your phone.” 

“Thanks.”

”Maddie said you want to talk?” Athena said.

”Yes I want to talk about me staying at your home”

”If you’re think that you’ll be a bother it’s something that you shouldn’t think of because before we made this decision and asking you about it we already settled everything and the only thing that we need right now is your answer that whatever it is we will understand” Athena assured him. 

“If you decided to stay at your loft we will have rotations for someone to look after you we won’t take no as an answer” Bobby told him.

”And if I decided to stay with you?”

”You will still have company every time. Do you think that we will let you alone with an injured arm and leg? Not on our watch kid.” Athena said that made them all laugh. 

“I’ll stay with you” Buck said that made the couple smile.

——————

While on their way to the Grant - Nash house Buck was just at the back seat staring outside thinking what really happened because no matter how many time he asked Bobby, Eddie and Maddie no one is telling him all about it which makes him really curious because the only thing that he could remember is that they were on a rescue and the next thing he knows is that he woke up while Eddie is on his side.

"We're here" Bobby said that made Buck come back into the real world.

"Let me help you get inside while Bobby handles your stuff" Athena said and guided Buck.

The moment they entered the room they saw everyone waiting for them and someone who's not familiar with Buck.

This is really all new to me. Not being alone and being taken care of.

Buck said to himself while looking to his friends and family. 

"Welcome Home Bud" Chim greeted him and helped him settle down in the couch.

"By the way this is Tommy. I told you when you were asleep that I'll introduce you to someone when you wake up" Chim said while holding Tommy.

"And you really did Chim" Buck said.

"Hi Evan" Tommy greeted him.

"Hi" He replied with a shy smile. 

Buck isn't used to be called Evan but when Tommy greeted him with his name he didn't protest because he kinda like it when he called him Evan. 

The first day wasn't really that easy for Buck aside from the pain that he's feeling he is also making some adjustments when it comes to having someone who helps him with the things that he has to do on a daily basis. 

After the small gathering Bobby helped him to settle down in his room while Athena, May and Harry are fixing his medications and therapy schedule at the living room along with others. 

"Do you want to be alone or you want me to stay with you?" Bobby said while helping him to lay down in bed.

"Is it okay if you stay?."

"I'll be glad to"

"The Doctor said that I'll be needing Physical Therapy." Buck said that got Bobby's attention.

"But she also said that I need to talk with Dr. Copeland my other therapist." he continued. 

"You need those therapies Buck but no matter what happens you will still have a job waiting for you but for now all you need to is get better and be use not being alone"

"I think it will be hard for me to adjust. I decided about this but I'm really not sure if I'll get used to be taken care of by someone."

Bobby felt a little pain in his chest while Buck is telling that he's not sure if he can be someone who'll be okay with a company. He knows that it won't be easy but their is also a part of him that also wished that he didn't experienced that kind of pain and trauma before. 

"Looks like you want to be alone now. get some sleep we will be outside if you need anything. Don't dare going out of this room without any of us."

"Copy Cap."

As Buck opened his phone he saw messages from Eddie, Hen, Maddie, Chim, Athena, Bobby and Tommy but instead of him being happy about it he felt sad because his parents didn't even remember checking up on him. He doesn't know what happened but he's sure that Maddie told them what happened to him in the past month.

I may not be alone now but I know that this won't last.

I will just be a bother here.

They will kick me out of here soon.

Why should I adjust if I will be alone soon.

If I were careful this would't happened.

These thoughts kept on running through his head while he's having flashbacks from the things that he just wants to forget. 

Buck continued sobbing until he fell asleep with his eyes full of tears with sadness and pain are visible to his face. 

Chapter 4: First Week.

Summary:

"Is it okay with you if I'll visit you after work?" Tommy asked Buck

"Are you sure about that?" Buck replied.

Notes:

This chapter will be about Buck and Tommy. It may also include implication of self harm and also mentions of attempts.

Read at your own risk.

On his first week Buck usually stayed inside his bedroom because Bobby and Athena won't let him move a lot because it's still hard for him with his arm on a sling and his leg with a cast. 

He wanted to go outside so that the others won;t need to bring anything inside his room so he tried to stand up holding the crutch on his right hand and trying to balance himself. He's left hand was the one with the sling and his right leg is the injured one which is really hard to move. He is about to start walking when Tommy suddenly appeared outside his room which made him shocked and knew that he is in trouble. 

"What do you think you're doing Evan?" Tommy asked him with a deep tone.

"I just wanted to do something on my own" He answered but it didn't convinced the other.

"Let me help you with that. I was about to get you anyway but it appears that you're about to do something that you didn't think about" Tommy said while helping him to get out. 

"I'm sorry but what are you doing here and fetching me inside my room?"

"I've talked to Bobby he knows that I'm going here today since it's my day off."

" You should be resting instead of hanging out here."

"Are you not okay being with me?"

"That's not what I meant."

Tommy knows what Buck is trying to say but he's trying to avoid it because he know that Buck will say no.

"Is it okay if I'll visit you after work?"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Evan, I won't be here form the beginning if I wasn't."

"But our line of work is already exhausting and I don't want to be your another baggage. You can just rest after instead of baby sitting me."

"Bobby was right when he told me that I'll have a hard time to convince you about having me as your company. I'm aware that you used to be alone but give the people around you a chance to make you feel that someone is always with you."

It took some time and Buck really thought about it. Maybe Tommy was right.

"As long that it's not bothering you it's fine with me for you to visit." Buck said that made Tommy smiled.

___________

Buck and Tommy spent almost the whole day together watching movies and resting. Tommy made sure that the other won't do something that might hurt him again.

"Hey how did your day went?" Bobby asked as he entered the house seeing the two having a good time together.

"Apparently I caught someone trying to go out on his own" Tommy said while looking at Buck.

"It's just your first week and you're trying to be injured again?" Bobby said who has a worried face.

"I won't do it again for now." Buck answered jokingly. 

"Evan Buckley 1 more joke about getting out alone from your bed and I'll let someone stayed in your room the whole time. No alone time." Athena told him that made him silent.

"Tommy can we talk for a minute?" Bobby said together with Athena.

Tommy has no idea what is it all about but Buck already has a hint because since his first night he's having nightmares and breakdowns that he is quite sure that the couple or the grant siblings have saw him in that state.

"Is something wrong with me visiting him?" Tommy asked with curiosity.

"No it's not about you visiting or hanging out with him. It's about him." Bobby answered

"On his first night when I'm about to enter his room I saw him sobbing I was about to enter his room but I figured that he wanted to be alone so I stayed outside. He fell asleep but the tears are on his eyes and when he woke up the next day sadness are all over his face." Athena told him with a worried tone.

"After that he started having nightmares and panic attacks. Every time we check on him it looks like he just cried. We wanted to asked him about it but we know that he won't tell us about it."

Tommy tried to process everything but he also know that he will be having a hard time for him to make Buck open up to him. 

While Tommy, Bobby and Athena are having a conversation Buck was sitting on the couch when the door suddenly open and his friends entered together with May, Harry, Denny and Christopher which made Buck a little happy.

"Looks like he has some more company today." Tommy said while staring at Buck.

"How are you?" Karen asked him.

"Fine" He answered

"Looks like you're less than fine, Buck" Hen told him.

As much as Buck wants to open up to them he can't for him it's better if they just see the happy side of him instead the one who breaks down every night. Buck things no one knows all about it but Bobby, Tommy and Athena have an idea already.

The rest of the day made Buck happy he got to bond with the kinds and also talk to his friends about what happened at work.

"Aren't you gonna go home yet?" He asked Tommy.

"Was wondering if I could spend the night?" He wanted to say yes but he can't because it's not gonna do any better to Tommy when he sees the other side of him.

"Maybe next time" He smiled and Tommy nodded.

"I'll help you go back to your room and go but I'll come back after work." Tommy assured him. 

After Buck settled to his room Tommy went outside to talk to Bobby and Athena about what can he do for Buck.

"I tried asking him to spend the night with me but he said no. But I'll stay until he falls asleep"

"Inside his room?" Athena asked.

"No, I'll be somewhere where he can't see me"

"Just try not to get caught."

_____________

Just like what Tommy planned he stayed outside Buck's room enough for him to see him but made sure that Buck won't see him as well. He doesn't know what to expect but he prepared himself if ever what happens tonight. 

Buck was laying down in bed letting his thoughts drown him again but every night it gets heavier to the point that he has to do the comfort thing that he always do.

This is not the right thing for me to do but this one will help me.

He told to him self while reaching the blade from his pocket.

Lines that bleed but feels comfort.

As Buck continues Tommy wanted to go inside to stop him but he knows that Buck will just feel uncomfortable about it. It hurts him seeing Buck like that but he'll figure all about it tomorrow.  

After a few cuts he saw that Buck already stop and fell asleep. Just like what Athena and Bobby told him he has tears in his eyes and sadness are the only thing that you can see. 

"He looks so happy but no one can tell that he's like this."

Tommy was about to leave when he heard Buck sobbing and screaming.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of being alone.

I want to have someone with me.

These are the words that Tommy heard and as he entered Buck's room the latter didn't stop while Bobby and Athena also rushed in.

"What happened?" Athena asked

"I was about to go home when he started screaming."

"He's begging." Bobby said.

They all made Buck calm down and the younger stopped. for sure he won't remember this again but for Tommy, Bobby and Athena this might keep them awake the whole night.

It's only the first week but for Buck it feels like a year already. 

Notes:

Next chapter will include more of Buck and his soft side. Bobby and Athena trying to talk to him and Tommy giving assurance that he will stay.

Chapter 5: Next Day.

Summary:

"Do you know what I ever wanted?" Buck told Tommy.

"What is it?" Tommy replied.

"Not to feel alone and be happy but it's impossible since then" Buck replied with pain visible on his face.

Notes:

As the story goes on we will see more of Buck's soft side and how Bobby and the others would help him. More pain and fears will be uncovered as the chapter goes by.

Their will be mentions of blood, mental health, self harm and other heavy scenarios.

Always read at your own risks.

Buck woke up feeling something from his wrists and when he saw it he remembered what he did last night.

I'll be in big trouble if someone saw this.

He checked all the surroundings for blood stains but lucky for him because there was nothing. What he didn't know is that Tommy cleaned everything before Bobby and the others could enter his room. 

As promised Buck waited for someone to help him but instead of bringing him outside Bobby and Athena went inside with his breakfast.

"You'll be staying in bed for today" Bobby told him he was about to protest when Athena spoke.

"If you want to hang with somebody you'll do it here. It's our off today so we will be the one who'll look after you and if you'll be having visitors which is very possible all of you will stay here." She said that made Buck more curious.

"Maddie and the others will visit today. Tommy too but maybe he won't" He said.

"Why am I not allowed to go out?" He asked the couple.

"You've been moving a lot the past few days you should be in bed rest and not moving from one place to another." 

He wants to protest but he knows that he really can't do anything about it. 

"I've been wanting to see the outside world" Buck said

"And you will once you are string enough." Athena assured him.

Bobby and Athena are the type of parents that Buck ever wanted now he has them all he wanted is to be with them. 

Having someone like them is something that he never had before but he's thankful that for now he has them. It might not lasts but atleast he felt how to be taken care of by a parent. 

_______________

The three of them spent the morning together when Maddie came to visit his brother. 

"Heard you tried going out alone yesterday?"

"Yeah, that's why I'm now in bed rest for the rest of the week."

"How are you holding up?" 

"Kinda okay."

"But?"

"But I'm wondering how long this would lasts how long will you be on my side before leaving me again.

Maddie felt guilty because he knows that no matter how many times he assured Buck that she won't be leaving him again he would always feel that she will.

"I know that it's hard for you but I won't be going anywhere you have me, Jee and Chim."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

The Buckley siblings exchanged conversation when Maddie suddenly asked something that made Buck remember his first night with Bobby and Athena.

"Did mom and dad checked on you? I told them what happened."

Even if Maddie didn't told him about it he already knew but it's a lot painful when she told it.

"Evan?" Tommy called outside his room.

Thank God he came.

"Tommy there you are" Maddie greeted him.

"I'll help outside and leave the two of you" Maddie said and place a kiss on his brother's forehead.

"Heard you are now on bed rest" Tommy told him with a teasing smile.

"Isn't this your idea?" Buck asked him.

"It wasn't me" He chuckled.

Tommy was trying to figure out to talk about what happened last night but as expected Buck really looks happy way different from someone that he saw last night.

"Evan something is bleeding on your wrists." Tommy said with a serious tone.

Oh shit.

"Can you close the door?" Evan said and Tommy stood up.

"Now tell me what's happening" Tommy demanded while he's trying to stop the bleeding. 

Buck doesn't know where to start but he also knows that he couldn't lie to the person in front of him.  

Tommy has nothing but being good to him since the day he met and maybe this is the little thing he can do for him.

Breathe Evan.

"Tommy." Buck called him while he was cleaning everything he used to clean the wound.

"I'm here" Tommy assured him.

"As you can see my wrist has wounds which I know that you already know what I did. It's not right but it feels comforting. I feel numb and will only feel the pain afterwards." 

Tommy wants to get mad but he can't. All he can see through Buck is sadness and guilt.

"We just met Evan but I want you to know that I will always be here for you."

Buck wanted to cry but he's trying not to because someone might enter the room.

"Do you have work tomorrow?" He asked.

"No I don't"

"Spend the night with me?"

"Are you sure Evan?"

"You already saw it I guess you deserve to know some side of me and I'll be glad to know the other side of you"

"I'll be glad to spend the night with you and to know you better"

Tommy really wants to know him better he wants to know how he should take care if Evan.

 

_______________

As expected he has other visitors for today. Well everyone wants to spend time with him and fulfills their promise that they won't make Buck feel alone anymore. 

While the others are hanging out with Buck, Tommy went outside and saw Bobby and Athena waiting for him.

"How is he?" Athena asked.

"Maddie went back to the room and figured this is the perfect time for me to talk with you guys."

"About what?"

" He asked me if I could spend the night with him which I already agreed but if you both say no I'll explain it to him. I'm sure that he'll understand."

"No it's okay if you stay with him tonight his nightmares are getting worst maybe it would help if he would sleep with someone." Bobby said.

"Does Eddie and the others know about what's happening at night?"

"No one but Eddie told me before that Buck was having a nightmare when they were sleeping in the bunks."

"But sometime he doesn't sleep he just pretends." Athena said that made the two men look at him.

" I have two kinds ofcourse I know if he's pretending or not"

They thought that he's just having nightmares he is also having insomnia. 

As the three of them continued with their conversation Karen went out to call them.

"He is looking for the three of you." Karen said and the three of them walked in all together.

Everyone bonded together inside Buck's room sharing happy conversations from what happened during the past few days.

they shared good food, conversations, played gamed and also watched some movie because the kids requested.

"When Buck gets better is it okay to go with him at the park?" May asked.

"Yes you can but maybe not the pier" Athena said that made them all laughed. 

They continued having good conversation when Tommy noticed that Buck became silent and trying to catch his breathing. 

Tommy looked at Bobby and Athena which they suddenly get what he's trying to tell.

He walked beside Buck held his hand and whispered "Inhale Exhale."

Buck followed what Tommy told him and he felt quite better while Athena handed a glass of water.

"Do you want to be alone already?" Tommy asked.

"No I want everyone to be here." He said 

Tommy glanced the couple and signaled that Buck wants everyone to be with them and they both nodded. He held Buck's hand until he noticed that his breathing is normal.

"Buck I don't have work tomorrow I'll come by" Eddie said 

"You always come by" Buck teased him.

"I will be the one accompanying you tomorrow. Is it okay?" Eddie asks referring to Tommy.

"You're his best friend and I have work tomorrow so it's fine just don't let him get out of bed you know him" Tommy said and looked at Buck.

_________________

The day passed by and the night came. Everyone had dinner together had more conversations and decided to go home. While May and Harry stayed with Buck.

"Kids stay with Buck us adults needs to talk"

The kids nodded and the adults went outside.

"Is this about us having rotation who will accompany him every day and to his therapy sessions?" Hen started.

"You got it" Chimney answered. 

"I can come with him during his therapy sessions" Bobby volunteered.

"I can accompany him also and come by after work" Tommy said.

"Me and Maddie can bring Jee when one of us are off but we will surely visit when we can" Chim said.

"Karen and I will can also bring Denny" Hen answered.

"I'll be with him when I can and also Christopher can stay with Carla" Eddie Said.

Each and one of them has suggestions and ideas on how they can accompany Buck everyday but something is bothering Tommy.

"Do we also need to accompany him when it comes to his sessions with Doctor Copeland?" He asked.

They looked at each other because they haven't really thought about it. 

"I can also accompany him with that I will have my work schedule adjusted." Bobby said

"I'll check if I can do something to accompany him with his sessions to but he will decide if he needs to be accompanied when it comes to Doctor Copeland" Athena said with a worried face because none of them is sure if Buck is okay having company when it comes to those sessions.

'Maybe it's the best if we will wait for him to talk about that." Tommy suggested and everyone agreed.

While the others are having conversations outside Buck and the kids are busy watching some movies when Hen entered the room and called the kids because it's time for them to come home and let Buck rest. May and Harry will stay with Michael and David tonight so Buck, Tommy, Bobby and Athena will be the ones left at their home.

After cleaning everything Bobby and Athena said good night to Buck and also gave him a kiss in the forehead which made him smile. Tommy can see how happy Buck is today but he is also sure that his mood will change in an instant once he closes the door.

_____________

"Hey, you're silent" Tommy started as he looks a Buck who sitting at his bed.

"I'm fine" Buck answered which Tommy wasn't convinced.

"Do you want to lay down already?"

"No" 

"Do you know what I ever wanted?" Buck told Tommy.

"What is it?" Tommy replied.

"Not to feel alone and be happy but it's impossible since then" Buck replied with pain visible on his face.

Tommy knows what to say but as he looks at Buck and the tears that's starting to fall all he can think is how to make Buck feel that he will never be alone as long as he is with him and the happiness is not impossible for him to have. He doesn't know Buck that long but he already knows that Buck is the one for him. 

"You will never be alone as long as you have me and the happiness? it's not impossible because you deserve them. Happiness looks good on you Evan." He assured.

"About the wrists." Buck started.

"Hey we don't have to talk about this if you don't want. You should rest you had a panic attack earlier."

"Which you, Athena and Bobby noticed." 

"Yeah, they haven't talk to you about that yet?"

"No. Maybe tomorrow."

They are about to sleep when Buck suddenly speak.

"I want to talk about the things that I wanted to do aside from being happy and not being alone."

"We'll talk and to those things together but for now you should rest."

"I might have nightmares or not sleep at all." 

Tommy knows everything about it but it really hits different when it's coming from Buck. 

"No matter what happens you will have me by your side whether you sleep or not." Tommy assures him which made Buck felt safe.

Chapter 6: Things that Buck Wanted to Do.

Summary:

They are things that Buck wanted to do before but until now he hopes that he can still do those things. But this time with the person who's with him, Tommy.

Notes:

This Chapter is about Buck and all the things he wanted to do alone but now that he has to Tommy he hopes that he can do those with him.

Always read at your own risks as I don't know how the story will go while I'm writing every chapter.

Buck couldn't sleep the whole night he tried but he ended waking up at the middle of the night until he really can't go back to sleep anymore. He waited for Tommy to wake up and few minutes later he did.

"Good Morning Sunshine" Tommy greeted him with a smile.

"Good Morning" He greeted as well.

"Looks like you didn't get enough sleep?"

"You got it."

Tommy got up and helped Buck sit down when somebody knocked on the door and opened it.

"I'll just go out for awhile" Tommy excused himself as soon as he saw who opened the door. Buck nodded and the couple smiled at him.

"Thank You." Athena whispered.

"How are you doing baby?" Athena asked with a soft voice.

"I just want to start moving."

"A little patience kid."

"Is something wrong? are you kicking me out?" 

The two looked at each other because the reason why they want to be alone is talk to him about what happened during his first night but for Buck it feels like he will be kicked out.

"What are you thinking about that?" Bobby asked.

"Because every time someone's going to talk to me like this it's either they will leave me alone or kicking me out."

"Listen to me baby, you can stay here even if you feel better and the reason why we want to talk is about what happened on your first night."

Are they awake that time? He wondered.

"We're about to say good night to you that night but we saw that you were crying while looking at your phone." Athena started.

"Look kid we don't want to force you but we want you to know that we're always here for you" 

"I know cap but I don't want to worry both of you anymore I've been a lot of work since last month."

"You were like our son and we will always worry about you. But whenever you are ready." They assured him.

"That night..." Buck started and breathe heavily. 

"Take your time, Do you want Tommy here?"

"I'll talk about him about this alone. You two deserves to know it first."

Athena held Buck's hand while Bobby caress his back assuring him that it's okay and he has them.

"That night when Cap gave my phone back I saw messages from each and everyone of you but not from my parents. Maddie told me the other day they knew but they didn't reached out or visited me. I was expecting it but it still hurts."

Buck tried his best not to cry but the pain to heavy that he started sobbing which made Athena hug him. It took awhile for him to clam down and after he did the two assured him and called Tommy.

"We'll go to work now we will give you and Tommy some time before Eddie arrives"

"Thank you."

_____________

"You're crying" Tommy said to him.

"My parents never cared for me. The moment that Cap gave my phone back I checked every message that I had received but none of it was from them. I know that they don't really care much about me and I really don't know what happened to me at that building but I'm sure that they do but still they never tried visiting." 

Now Tommy understands where Buck is coming from it hurts him to see him like this but all he can do his listen and assure him that he's their for him. 

"Do you want to talk more about it?" Tommy asked him with a worried tone.

"No. What I want to talk about before Eddie arrives are the things that I wanted to do ever since."

"We can talk about that over breakfast"

While the two are eating Buck started to talk about the things that he wanted.

"First I want to go somewhere quiet. I was alone since then but I think it's different when you are in a quiet place with someone." 

"Where is that place?"

"How about beaches or mountains?"

"We will do both of that. What are the others?"

"Watch sunset and sunrise near the beach or above the sky."

"Lucky you I'm a pilot."

The list goes on but Tommy assured him that once he gets better they will do all of them together. 

Eddie arrived just in time that Tommy needs to leave for work.

"I'll comeback after work. But text or call me when you need me okay?. Lastly, don't try doing things alone again."

"I won't. Take care" 

"I will."

"How are you holding up?" Eddie asks him.

"Still clueless about what happened."

"No dreams?"

"I have a lot of nightmares but dreams no."

It's been awhile since Eddie and Buck talked together. This time something feels different.

"Will you visit the firehouse soon? You don't talk about it that much unlike before."

Eddie was right since the accident happen Buck barely talks about his job and visiting the firehouse. He's not sure but for Buck he feels scared going back to the firehouse after a month of not working. Being a firefighter is Buck's life but now he wasn't really sure if he'll have the courage to comeback. 

"So Tommy? He spend the night?" 

"Yeah he did" 

"That's good you have someone who can help you with your nightmares." 

"About that" Buck said

"Hey it's okay if you don't tell it I'm just glad that you have someone but I'm always here and Chris as well."

"Thanks."

"Do you want to do something?"

"How about paying video games?"

"That we can do." 

Buck and Eddie spent the day talking and playing video games both of them had a nice day and for them they would definitely do it again. 

______________

It's almost late when Bobby and Athena arrived at home and they went straight up to Buck's room for them to check how he is doing.

"Eddie left already" Bobby started.

"Yeah he told me that he'll leave after he open the door."

"How was your day?" Athena asks.

"It's good me and Eddie talked and played a lot." 

"Is Tommy coming?"

As soon as Athena asked about Tommy he checked his phone and saw that the man has left some messages for him.

I'll be there sooner.

Do you want something?

How did your day went?

Buck felt happy upon reading the messages from Tommy which got the attention of the couple beside him.

"You two are really getting along"

"Is that okay?"

"And why not?"

Bobby and Athena has no problems with Tommy actually they we're happy that aside from them Buck has someone who he can lean on and they love Buck so much that the only thing that he wants for the younger one is to be happy.

"Look kid me and Athena loves you so much so no matter who you love as long as he or she makes you happy we don't have any problem with that besides Tommy is a good man." Bobby assures him.

"You're Captain is right no matter who you choose we will love them but not as much as we love you." Athena said that made Buck genuinely happy.

"I love you both and I will always be thankful for the both of you." 

Few minutes had passed and Tommy arrived with food. Buck got worried because he can tell that the man had a long day but chose to stopped by.

"Hey, you should've went home instead of stopping here you look so tired and exhausted" Buck said as soon as Tommy enters his room.

"I will spend the night with you so that means that I can rest with you" Tommy assured him.

"You know that I'm having nightmares and breakdowns at night right?" 

"That doesn't matter to me. What matters is you."

"Now let me help you and eat with me."

"I don't have a choice aren't I?"

"Nope"

Have Dinner with someone and talk about nice things - Accomplished.

It's one of the things that Buck wanted to do have Dinner with someone and talk about nice things instead of telling negative things that won't help him. They are having a nice meal when suddenly another set of flashbacks started.

You will always be a disappointment.

It's really better if you eat alone.

You will never be enough for anybody Evan.

Buck tried his best not to fall apart aside that he doesn't want to ruin the moment that they have he doesn't want anymore responsibility to Tommy because he know that the man had a long day at work. But knowing Tommy he already knows when something bothers Buck even on a short period of time.

"Alone time?" He asked while he held Buck's hand.

"No. You stay here"

"I will"

The day ended with Buck and Tommy sleeping together and talk about their plans once the other gets better. 

Chapter 7: The First Month.

Summary:

It's been a month since Buck stayed with Bobby and Athena and changes will happen.

Notes:

More feeling of Buck will be uncovered and there is Tommy and the 118 who will give him assurance.

As I always say read at your own risks.

One month had passed since Buck was discharged and today his casts to his arm and leg will be removed. Buck is happy but he feels more terrified than being happy. He is with Bobby, Athena and Tommy who really requested to be off work today so that they can accompany Buck and doesn't need to do this alone.

"It's been awhile since you visited the firehouse." Bobby started the conversation.

"Uh yeah" buck replied hesitantly.

The three of them already knew that Buck is uncomfortable entering the building, he might not remember what exactly happen when the building collapsed but they were sure that Buck is uncomfortable entering any types of building. Thinking about entering the hospital makes Buck really worried.

"Do you want to do your therapies at home?" Athena asks with a worried tone.

"You don't have to visit the warehouse if you are not ready yet." Bobby assured him

"I'll be with you along the way." Tommy said.

As soon as they arrived at the hospital Tommy hold Buck's hand assuring him that he's not alone.

"We will be right here Buck" Athena assured him also.

Buck deep breathe before entering the hospital.

As soon as the casts remove the Doctor instructed him to stand up while Bobby and Tommy are beside him. When he tried to stand up he's leg are still weak causing him to fall down and made him frustrated.

You are not stringer than before.

You are weak.

Those people around you will get tired soon.

It's a simple thing why can't you do it.

After trying to stand up he was instructed to lift his arm but like what happened to the leg he couldn't also lift it that made him more frustrated. 

The Doctor instructed him to have leg brace and crutches for the leg while he still need to wear a sling for his arm and he'll be needing a lot of physical therapy. After the first appointment he went up to Doctor Copeland for his first session. Buck already feels exhausted but he has no choice. 

After all the appointments all of them decided to go home so that Buck can rest. It was quiet not until Buck spoke.

"I wanna go back to my loft" He said which made Tommy, Bobby and Athena worry.

"You know that you can stay longer with us" Bobby said.

"We're not kicking you out" Athena also said

"Evan is something wrong?" Tommy asked in a worried tone. 

_______________

 

The moment they arrived home Buck immediately went inside with the help of Tommy and went straight up to his room after Tommy helped him settled he came silent.

"I want to be alone Tommy." He said 

"Alright. I'll be outside when you need me"

" How is he?" Bobby asks as soon he saw Tommy leaving the room.

"Not good. Probably he's trying to fix his things already." Tommy replied.

"He really looks disappointed" Athena responded.

The past few months wasn't really great for Buck which everyone understood but now they are worried about what Buck wanted.

"What are we going to do now?." Tommy asked.

"We'll respect what he wants but we will still have schedule on who will accompany him. His therapy sessions could be done their as well" 

While being alone Buck can't avoid to get mad at himself he knows that everyone understands him but he feels like a complete nothing. He tried to stand up without his crutches but he fell down which gotten the attention of the people outside.

"Evan!"

"Buck!"

Everyone got worried as soon as they saw him on the floor. 

"Are you okay kid?"

"Yes Cap."

"We know that this is really hard for you but please let us help you. If you want to go home we will not stop you but we will still be their all the time, but Buck we will be happy if you stay with us." Athena said that made Bobby look at Buck and nodded.

"And we will always be behind you" Chim said with the rest of the team.

"What are you doing here?" Buck said full of curiosity.

"We know you Bud and we will not let you stay on your loft alone but Cap and Athena was right it's better if you stay here." Eddie said to his best friend.

Buck can feel that everyone has his back but the doubts and overthinking can't stop. 

"But I'm here for a month already." he said.

"We don't care if you stay here forever." Bobby said and gave him a hug. "I love you kid and we won't get tired of helping and accompanying you."

"As we always say you will never be alone again."

"And Evan you know that I'm here for you"

“Can me and Tommy talk alone?”

“Sure! We’ll be outside if you need anything” Hen said and all of them left the room leaving him and Tommy to have some time. 

“Have you decided yet?” Tommy asked while he’s staring at him.

”I already have one but I just can’t help wonder if it’s really fine with them.” 

“They’ve been honest with you since the beginning, Evan.” 

Tommy has a point everyone has been honest with him. 

“And about being honest I want to talk to you about us.”

”Are you stopping what we have?” Evan replied trying not to cry. 

“Evan, I want to talk about our relationship. I know that we’ve been seeing a lot together but I want you to know that I’m sincere about you. Will you be my boyfriend?” 

“Yes, Tommy” 

Buck and Tommy only known each other for a short time but both of them are sure that they want to spend their moments together. For Tommy no matter how hard it gets he will always be with Buck’s side. And for Buck, Tommy is someone he never thought he need to his life. 

“Going back are you going to stay here or at your Loft?” Tommy asked once again.

”I’m staying but as soon as I can handle myself with any of these I’ll move out but will continue all the therapy I needed.” 

After talking Tommy decided that it’s time for Bobby and Athena to have some time with him. They need to talk about a lot of things and also they agreed that Buck will be the one to tell them about their relationship.

”One last question are you sure that you’re okay with me to stay here a little longer? What about Harry and May are they okay with all of these?” Buck started asking them while Bobby and Athena is smiling at him. 

“Buck we know that you’ll have questions about that and since from the start you stayed here they know that you might be with us longer than 1 month.” Bobby told him full of assurance.

”Bobby’s right every decision is important that’s why we really made sure that there will be no problems.” Athena said while fixing Buck’s bed. 

“I don’t want any of you to worry every time that I’m not around so I’ll stay a little longer but when I’m okay and can handle myself I will go back to my Loft but will assure the both of you that I’ll attend to my therapies until I’m cleared.” Buck assures them which they agreed and gave him a fond smile. 

“One last thing before we have dinner” Buck added.

”What is it?” Bobby replied while helping him with his crutches. 

“Me and Tommy are together” 

Bobby and Athena hugged him and he felt that the two are happy for them. 

“We’re happy for you, Kid. Now let’s go down and have dinner with the others I’m sure you and Tommy will announce it to them.”

The first month has a lot of ups and downs but the most wonderful thing that happened is him and Tommy being official. 

Chapter 8: Fears.

Summary:

Past few months are going well with Buck's life as well his relationship with Tommy but it doesn't mean that he has no fears. He has a lot of it but what Buck doesn't know that the people around him has also fears when it comes to him.

Notes:

This chapter will talk about their fears and how will they handle them.

Will include self-harm, self- blame and physical abuse.

Always read at your own risks.

The past few months went well, Buck already went back to his loft but fulfills his promise that he will be attending all of his therapy sessions while still having some company until he got his full strength back. It was a normal day for him Tommy is at work while Maddie is with him while Chim and the others are at works. It's been months but he haven't went to the firehouse yet but maybe he'll try it sooner. 

Maddie: How did Bobby and Athena reacted when you told them that your moving out?. 

Buck: At first they felt sad but I promised them that I will still follow instructions.

Maddie: And that includes you having someone with you here.

Buck: Yes. They don't want me to be alone yet.

After that short conversation Maddie wants to tell something to his brother but she doesn't know how or if she should say it. She knows that this will have a big effect in Buck.

Buck: Are you alright?

Maddie: Uh.. Yeah. Listen Evan, I need to tell you something.

Buck doesn't know what to feel but the only sure thing he knows that it's about his parents that has been absent in his life since then. 

Buck: Maddie what is it?.

Maddie: They want you to come in Hershey but I'll be with you.

Buck doesn't know what to say because he knows that when his parents asks him to come in Hershey it won't go well. That's one of his fears going back to the place and to the people who let him feel that he will be alone until the end.

Buck: Okay. When are we going?

Maddie: Tomorrow but we will also come back at night. 

After Maddie left Buck knows that someone will be knocking to his door anytime and he wasn't wrong because May and Harry are their already. 

Harry: Hey Buck

Harry greeted him the moment he opened the door while May is holding some bags full of different kinds of food. 

Buck: Let me get that May.

May: It's fine, you shouldn't force that arm yet.

When everything is settled they decided to have some meal while having conversation and watching some movies. This is what they do when Buck is still stayong with Bobby and Athena but now that he moved out the kids still chooses to do those things with him but this time at his loft. 

________________

Half of the day went well but as soon as May and Harry left all of Buck's fears went back to his system. He has a lot of fears that most of the people around him doesn't know but he also knows that somehow he needs to open up all about it. 

Buck decided to lay down in his bed when someone opened his door. It was Tommy who obviously just got out of work. 

Tommy: Hello Sunshine

Buck: Hi 

Buck greeted with a very slight smile which Tommy instantly knew that something is bothering him.

Tommy: Want to talk about it?

Buck: About what?

Tommy: About what's bothering you.

Buck let out a heavy sigh before he started telling his boyfriend what's going on.

Buck: Maddie and I will be going to Hershey tomorrow. My parents told her they I should come and she promise that she'll come with me. 

Tommy: Do you want me to come with you? I can move my day off tomorrow. 

Buck: It's okay we will go back by night.

Tommy: Does Bobby and Athena know?

Buck: No. Only you and Maddie also Chimney for sure. 

Tommy: Are you planning to tell them?.

Buck: I'm not really sure because this is something that I should face alone. 

Tommy is already worried about what might happened to his boyfriend when he saw his parents and this is one of his fears. He's afraid that Buck will go back to his old self which he can't handle seeing anymore. 

____________

Morning came and if Buck has a choice he would definitely want to disappear right now. Tommy is by his side still sleeping while he's waiting for Maddie to fetch him.

Tommy: Is Maddie there yet?

Buck: She's on her way. You should get going because you still have work.

Tommy: Is it okay if I stay here while you're gone?

Buck: It's fine with me.

Tommy: I love you

Buck: I love you too.

When Maddie arrived Buck and Tommy are outside waiting for them.

Tommy: Please take care of him for me.

Maddie: I will

Tommy: Just message or call me of you need anything. 

The moment Buck and Maddie left, Tommy started feeling uncomfortable he starts thinking what if Buck will return to his old self. What if he'll see scars on his wrists again. Tommy knows that those thing aren't impossible but he also hopes that Buck could handle everything a little lighter now that he's with him and also others who loves him. 

___________

The moment that they arrived at the airport in Hershey Buck has this unsettling feeling that he really can't avoid, he keeps on thinking about the things that could happen and also the aftermath of it. He feels nervous thinking that he has to spend the day with them. 

While on their way Maddie keeps on checking his brother but she also knows that no matter how many time she checks on him she couldn't change the fact that his brother will get hurt by what their parents are about to say. 

The moment that they arrived at their home, Margaret and Philip are already waiting outside feeling angry and furious that Buck has no idea why. 

Buck: Mom, Dad.

Buck greeted them but as he expected he pushed them away that caused him to fell and Maddie immediately help him to stand up.

Maddie: What's wrong with the both of you?. He's just getting his strength back and that's what you will do to him?

Philip: He deserved it because all he did was to be careless.

Maddie: What do you know about him? You left him since he was a kid.

Buck: I'm fine Maddie.

Margaret: Why won't we continue this argument inside.

As soon as they enter the house Margaret slap Buck. 

Margaret: You are nothing but disgrace.

Philip: Not working for how many months now? How lazy can you get. 

Maddie: One more hit to him and I'll call the police. I don't care if you are my parents but I won't let anyone of you to hurt him like what you did before. You're telling him how disgrace and lazy he is? Do you know what you're talking about?. You don't know anything about him that's why you have no right to let him go here just to do those.

After what Maddie said she grabbed Buck and went to the hospital to get him check.

Buck: Thank you but you don't need to do that.

Maddie: I may not defend you when we were kids and from the moment I left you but I won't let that happen again. 

Buck: We should just go straight to the airport.

Maddie: I won't let you go back to LA like that. We will stop by at the hospital then we will go. 

Buck: Okay. 

After getting checked at the hospital the doctor advised him to rest and to take some medicines. They also treated some wounds and bruises that Buck have because of what his parents did. 

At the airport Buck remained quiet which made Maddie worry about him but she felt ease because he knows that when they arrived Buck will have Tommy waiting for him. 

Maddie: Will Tommy fetch you?

Buck: No. I told him that you'll bring me home.

Maddie: But he will spend the night with you?.

Buck: No either. I want to be alone. No one can see me like this. Can we please keep this between us?.

Maddie: Chim was suppose to fetch me but I'll just book Uber and bring you home.

Buck: Alright. Thank you. 

_____________

The moment Buck got home he locked his door grab some bottles of beer and other alcoholic beverages and went to his couch. He's trying his best not to remember everything that happened today but his mind keeps on reminding him all about it.

You are a disgrace.

You are lazy.

Nothing but disappointment. 

While having flashbacks his phone suddenly lit up and he saw messages from Bobby, Athena, Tommy and Maddie.

Bobby: We miss you kid.

Athena: Bobby and I will visit tomorrow.

Tommy: How was your day Sunshine?

Maddie: I'm worried about you. Call me if you need anything.

As much as Buck wanted to reply he chose to close his phone and put it beside him. 

This is one his fears and it's happening again. He doesn't usually drink especially he is on different medication but for him it's the only thing he needed right now. He's in pain physically but the emotional pain hurts more. 

Buck hasn't this way ever since Bobby, Athena and Tommy is with him but in one snap he is back to who he is before. He saw a broken glass and grab it. 

I shouldn't be doing this.

They might see it.

He tried to stop but the last thing he know is that he started cutting again he started to have bleeding lines at his wrists again. Much more than the first time Tommy knew about it. Just like before he let him self sleep while his wrist are bleeding, eyes that has tears and a broken heart that he doesn't know if it will ever heal. 

He is in pain but all he wants is not for anyone else to get involved.

_____________

The next day Tommy was wondering why he didn't heard anything from Buck and Maddie he knows that the Buckley siblings arrived tonight but none of them told him what really happened aside from Buck telling him that he will be home with Maddie.

Maddie: Hi Tommy.

Tommy: Hi. I'm sorry for calling so early but I just want to check how Buck is? you're still with him right?.

Maddie: He's still resting but I'll tell him that you called once he wakes up.

Tommy: Thanks Maddie. I'll come by later after work.

Tommy should be comfortable hearing that Buck is resting but he still has this unsettling feeling that he can't avoid so he called Bobby.

Bobby: Hey Tommy is everything alright?.

Tommy: That's the reason why I called.

Bobby: Let me put you on speaker so that Athena will hear you also.

Tommy: I called Maddie to check on Buck she told me that he's resting but I feel that something wasn't really right. 

Athena: Did you talk to Buck?

Tommy: I did last night.

Athena: We're on our way to him we will update you about him when we arrived.

Tommy: Thanks and Take Care.

Buck isn't the only one who has fears the people around him has a lot also. They have a lot of fears when it comes to Buck because they know that everything feels uncertain for him. One of the fears that people around him really fears is him locking up and ignores everyone they really don't want to see that. 

__________

The moment they arrived at Buck's loft they tried knocking but no one is answering they tried calling Buck but he didn't answer either so they tried calling Maddie but still no answer. Bobby and Athena has keys so they decided to open the door. They don;t know what they should expect but they are sure that they weren't ready to what it is the moment they opened it. 

They saw broken shards of glass and Buck who is still unconscious.

Bobby: Call Tommy.

Athena: Tommy come here now.

Tommy: On My Way. 

The moment they saw buck they ran into him to fix him but what shocked them it his wrists are bleeding. Buck is breathing but still unconscious. They also saw different buises and wounds aside from the bleeding wrists that they surely know what it means. 

Bobby: I should call 911.

Athena: No we can handle this. Tommy is on his way we should call Maddie. 

Bobby: Maybe later. Help me clean up his wounds.

While the couple is busy helping Buck the door suddenly open and Tommy also rushed where they all are.

Tommy: What Happened?

Bobby: We don't know but I'm sure this lines just happened. The Bruises and Wounds we have no idea. 

Tommy: Fuck.

Athena: We will talk about that later but for now let's focus on him.

Once they're done cleaning Buck and putting him to bed to have some rest and also cleaning all the mess at the loft the three gathered at the living room trying to figure out what really happened.

Tommy: He did it again.

Bobby: What is it?

Tommy: Those line he dud that before but he stopped. He told me that he's with Maddie but it's a lie. He slept here alone.

Athena: He never lies.

Bobby: Looks like he lied because of the bruises and other wounds.  

Athena: Tommy if you know something tell us now. Because this is not Buck.

They are all worried. Tommy knows about the lines but it's worst than the last time he saw it. 

Tommy: Maddie and Buck went to Hershey yesterday morning but also came back last night I was about to fetch him when he told me that Maddie will be staying with him. About the lines?. he did that before on his first week of staying at your house but he stopped. I'm sure something triggered him to do it again.

Bobby: You said that is happened while he is with us why did we miss it?

Tommy: He kept it not to worry any of you i just happened that I saw it. 

Athena: I'll call Maddie and tell her to come here.

Tommy: Can the wounds at his wrists be hidden?. I'm sure Buck won't like his sister or anyone else to see that.

Bobby: I'll handle it.

After hiding the wounds and calling Maddie the three of them decided to stay near Buck's bed he looks so tired and sadness is all over him once again. Clueless of what really happened they just hope that this is nothing to do with his parents or they know what they can do. While waiting they saw Buck still sleeping but crying and screaming that makes their heart also hurt.

I'm not a disappointment.

I never wanted to get hurt.

I tried to stop hurting my self.

But it hurts.

The emotional pain really hurts.

Buck stopped crying and screaming but the three of them still chose to stay with him. Not a little while Buck woke up with a headache and confusion. 

Tommy: I'll get some food downstairs.

Buck: What happened?

Bobby: We saw you drunk and unconscious your wrists bleeding. Can you tell us what happened?. Me and Athena are here to help you

Buck: You're not mad?

Athena: We are sure that you have reasons. 

Buck: Can we talk about it later?

Bobby: Alright we will leave you and Tommy but me and Athena will be downstairs.

Tommy: You made us worried. Go eat and get back to sleep I'll be spending the rest of the day with you until tomorrow no protests.

Buck: I'm really sorry.

Tommy: I understand go ahead and have something to eat.

After having a meal Buck went back to sleep while Tommy went downstairs just in time Maddie and Chim arrived. 

 

 

Chapter 9: What Really Happened.

Summary:

When Maddie arrived she saw Bobby, Athena and Tommy gathered at the living room full of questions.

Notes:

Maddie will tell about what happened to Hershey. Bobby, Athena and Tommy will try to have some terms and talk to Buck regarding what they saw.

Mentions of self - harm.

Always read at your own risks.

When Maddie arrived she saw Bobby, Athena and Tommy gathered at the living room full of questions. Chim just dropped Maddie off because he has work.

Maddie: What happened? Where is he?

Tommy: He's upstairs he fell asleep again.

Bobby: Maybe you could tell us what happened in Hershey.

Athena: Why does he have wounds and bruises?

They all want to know what happened so that when Buck wakes up they have an idea on what or they shouldn't say.

Maddie: We went to see our parents but the moment we arrived all they did is to tell Buck awful words. He is also pushed away which became for him to fall. They hit him which causes the wounds and bruises.

Athena: How about his leg and arm?

Maddie: I know that hurts but Buck really didn't told me when we went to the hospital for him to get checked they suggested that Buck should stay but he insisted to go back that's why we did. The doctor gave medicines and suggested that he should rest and give his wounds and bruises to heal also his injuries. 

As Maddie continues telling what happened they are all having a hard time to process every information.

Maddie: Evan doesn't want any of you to know even Chimney that's why he told Tommy that I'll stay with him but he insisted that he wants to be alone. He doesn't want anyone to see what happened to him.

Bobby: When we arrived we saw how wasted he is. Buck doesn't deserve what happened.

Athena: Did you report this?

Maddie: I was about to but we all know Buck he doesn't want that. 

__________________________

While having a conversation they heard Buck's voice crying and screaming for the second time.

Stop hurting me.

Why are you kept on hurting me.

I am your son.

My leg hurts.

You just wanted to see me so you can hurt me.

Tommy: I'll be the one to go up.

Once again all of them got much worried they don't know what to do. Buck is really in pain right now.

Tommy: Buck wake up. Buck.

Buck: They.. hurt.. me.. 

Buck was sobbing letting all his pain out while Tommy is consoling him to help ease the pain.

Tommy: No one is going to hurt you here anymore.

Buck: But Bobby and Athena left.

Tommy: No they didn't. They are downstairs talking to Maddie. Don't worry she doesn't  know about the lines and she won't see that because Bobby helped me hide it. We will talk about that later or some other time for now take all the time you need.

Buck: I'm sorry that I lied.

Tommy: I understand, Kinda wished that you told me so that I took care of you but I know you have reasons.

Buck: I just don't want anyone to know about it.

Tommy: Are they hurting you since you were a kid?.

Buck: Yeah.

If Tommy can only keep Buck from the cruel world and help him forget about everything he already did it but he's just also a person and the only thing he can do is protect Buck now and make sure that no one will hurt him again. 

Tommy: Do you want to go down?

Buck: Can you help me?. My body really hurts right now and my head is like spinning. Aside from drinking it took a little hit as well.

Tommy: We should get you checked again.

Buck: No more hospitals for now.

Tommy: I'll call someone.

Buck: I'm fine. Now help me.

Tommy: Evan your head is bleeding. 

None of them saw that even when Maddie and Buck was still in Hershey that's why Buck is also shocked when Tommy told him about it.

Buck: Maddie's a nurse before let her help you.

Tommy: Just tell me if you feel something then I'll make some calls. 

Everyone is still waiting for them and when the couple went down the first thing they noticed is Tommy trying to stop the bleeding in Buck's head.

Maddie: What happened?

Buck: Maybe from the fall.

Maddie: But they didn't saw it at the hospital?

Buck: It was just a concussion when we left they warned me that it may bleed but I really didn't think about it. 

________________

Each on of them took care Buck the bleeding stopped but his body is still in so much pain.

Maddie: Do you want to report them?

Buck: We already talked about it. 

Maddie: I'm really sorry.

Buck: You saved me if you didn't stop them who knows? I maybe at the hospital again.

Maddie: But your leg and arm?

Buck: It hurts but I'm okay. You should go to work now. Don't worry about company I have three.

Maddie wasn't really comfortable leaving his brother but she also knows that Bobby, Athena and Tommy will take care of Buck. 

Maddie: I'll come back later.

Tommy went out with Maddie to give them some time alone.

Bobby: Kid, your lines needed stitches so I did them.

Buck: Thanks.

Athena: Are you sure you don't want to get checked out?

Buck: I'm okay. Emotional pain hurts more than any of this.

Athena: Since when did this start?.

Buck: The last one was my first week at your house and the first one is when I'm a kid.

As much as Bobby and Athena wants to cry they are trying their best to keep it together. Not for them but for their son who needs them.

Bobby: Have you talk to Dr. Copeland?

Buck: I'm not ready yet. 

Bobby: From now on we will visit you from time to time until you get back to work. You always have us. If ever something is bothering you never hesitate to call us. We love you and whatever happens we are always here for you, kid.

Athena: You are so precious Buck and no matter how many times we need to remind you that you deserve great things. I know that this will be really hard for you but Me, Bobby, Tommy and everyone around you will support you. 

Bobby: We love you that means we are here to protect and be with you through good and bad times.

Buck never heard those words from his parents but with Athena and Bobby assuring him and guiding him it hits different for him. He thought that the couple would be disappointed when they knew what he did but instead they understand and gave their full support to him. 

Athena: I know that you don't want to report your parents and we respect that but for your safety don't ever comeback to Hershey and when they insist inform us. We don't want any of this to happen again.

Bobby: You don't deserve any of what they've done to you. We're sorry that we wasn't their during those times. 

While the three are still talking Tommy came back but he's with Eddie.

Tommy: I tried but just like his best friend he is hard headed.

Because of what Tommy said they all laugh except for Buck. He ran upstairs the moment he saw Eddie.

Eddie: What happened? Why are you crying?

Bobby: It's the tears that we tried not to let out while Buck is with us.

Eddie: Can someone tell me what's happening?.

Tommy: It's better if you talk to him. We will stay here and prepare food. 

______________

Eddie followed what Tommy instructed him to do and the moment he went up he saw Buck covered with his blanket.

Eddie: Bud, tell me what's happening.

Buck: Comeback some other time.

Eddie: Come on Buck I will understand whatever it is. 

Buck: Just go home.

Eddie: I won't not until you tell me what happened. 

Buck doesn't really what to see Eddie with him at that state but knowing his best friend he is also sure that he won't stop not until Buck tells him the reason why he ran the moment Eddie went inside along with Tommy. 

Buck removed the blanket and forced himself to sit but as soon as Eddie notices that he's having a hard time to move Eddie helped him.

Eddie: Next time don't just ran and act like you're not in pain.

Buck: yeah

Eddie looked at Buck and notices the bruises and wounds he also saw the bandage at the back of Buck's head.

Eddie: What happened to you? Who hurt you?

Breath Buckley.

He's Eddie he will understand you.

Eddie: Hey do you want me to call Tommy?

Buck: No, they already know about this.

Eddie: Take your time.

Buck: Me and Maddie went to Hershey yesterday morning. My parents wanted to see me that's why we went but we also came back last night.

Eddie: What happened at Hershey?

Buck: The moment they saw me they started saying harsh word and hurt me physically until Maddie stopped them. 

Buck that he already cried everything out awhile ago but here he is again crying and sobbing all his pain.

Eddie: I'm really sorry for what happened, Bud. But I'm here for you. All of Us.

 

Everyone had a long day especially Buck. Bobby, Athena and Eddie went home but assured Buck that they'll come back tomorrow while Tommy fulfilled his promise that he will stay with Buck throughout the night until tomorrow because he has no work.

Tommy: I know that you might not sleep but I will be by your side and I promise you that you are safe and no one is going to hurt you. I love you so much Evan. 

 

Chapter 10: The Next Day.

Summary:

The first night after what happened wasn't easy as well as the next day.

Notes:

More pain and nightmares will haunt Buck.

Always read at your own risks.

It was almost 4 am but Buck hasn't sleep yet he tried but he can't. Tommy is on his side that means that he is safe but instead of sleeping he cried until the sunrises.

Buck thought that Tommy doesn't know anything but what he don't know is that Tommy is awake.

Tommy: When you got a lot better we will fulfill one of your list.

Buck: What is it?

Tommy: Watch Sunrise and Sunset above the clouds.

Aside from not sleeping something is bothering Buck that he knows that Tommy might know the answer.

Buck: Love, Did I die when the accident happen?

Tommy was surprised about his question. He's the one who found Buck and he's also at the hospital when no one is around or he will hide so no one will see him.

He knows everything about the accident but even him can't really tell Buck what happened.

Tommy: Do you remember something about it?

Buck: Nothing but I have this feeling ever since that I felt like I died.

Tommy: What's important is that you're here with me safe. I'll cook for you do you want to wait here?

Buck: We both know that you are not a good cook. Help me and I'll cook.

Tommy: Fine, besides I miss your cooking too.

The couple went down and Tommy help Buck prepare all the things he needed for the food that he's going to prepare. It's been awhile since Buck and Tommy had breakfast together.

Yes they see each other everyday but they don't really have time to share a meal together because of work schedule.

After having breakfast Tommy cleaned up and Buck waited for him.

Buck: I feel sleepy.

Tommy: Because of the medicines?

Buck: I think so.

Tommy: Does something hurt?

Buck: Everything actually.

Tommy: Let me help you go back to bed. Buck: What will you do after?

Tommy: Gonna see what we should have for lunch don't worry I'll order in or I can stay beside you while doing those.

Buck: The second one sounds better.

Buck fell asleep in Tommy's arms and Tommy hopes that Buck won't have any nightmares. 

___________________

Get me out of here.

Don't leave me here.

It's dark in here. I can't breathe.

Help

I don't want here.

Tommy: Sunshine shhh I'm here.

Buck calmed down the moment he heard Tommy's voice he went back to sleep and Tommy stayed on his side. 

It was hard for him seeing Buck like this he seen it before but never thought that it could get much worse.

All I wanted for him is to have a peaceful sleep without any nightmares and flashbacks. How I wish I can see him smile and not crying when asleep.

Tommy didn't leave Buck and it's afternoon when his boyfriend woke up.

Tommy: Hey, It's afternoon already we missed lunch.

Buck: Yeah we did.

Buck checked his phone and see messaged from most of his friend but at that moment he wishes that one Of the messages will disappear.

Bobby: We're on our way.

Eddie: I'll visit today.

Maddie: i'm going to come by tomorrow. 

Chim: I miss you.

Hen: Let us know if we can visit you.

Mom: I will always hate you. 

Tears started falling down while Buck is still staring at his phone and Tommy instantly saw it. Tommy grabbed his boyfriend's phone and asked permission if he can get it. Buck nodded and gave his phone to Tommy.

Buck: Is it okay if everyone will just message you and not on my phone?

Tommy: It's okay

Buck: Thank you. I'll let them know that they should reach you and not me. Keep my phone for some time. 

Tommy understood why Buck doesn't want his phone and it's okay if he's the one contacting their friends and Maddie. 

_______________

Bobby: Where is he?

Tommy: He requested alone time.

Athena: What happened?

Tommy: His so called mother told him that she will always hate him. He gave me his phone and wants you all to know that you can message me and I'll forward it to him.

Athena: You two stay here. I'll have some time with him.

Athena went to Buck's bedroom and he saw him at the edge of the bed trying to stop himself from crying.

Athena: Son, it's okay I'm here.

Buck: She hates me.

Athena: But we don't. I love you so much.

Buck: I love you too and Bobby.

Athena: We know and you never fail to make us feel that. 

Buck: I'm gonna be okay. Not now but I know I will.

Athena: Of course you will. You are Buck, my Buck is strong and a fighter.

Athena gave Buck a warm hug and comforted him until he started to calm down and stop crying.

Buck: Is Cap with you?

Athena: Yes, Him and Tommy are downstairs. Thought we should have some alone time together.

Buck: You are the mother that I never had But I'm thankful that you treated me like your own.

Athena: We are grateful for you and we will always choose you to be May and Harry's siblings. 

They remained hugging each other for some time until Bobby went up.

Bobby: I was hoping I can have my alone time with you too?

Athena: I'll be downstairs and cook dinner, Tommy might burn the loft if we leave him there.

All three of them laugh and when Athena went down Bobby seated with Buck.

Bobby: Heard what happened.

Buck: Yeah and I don'w have my phone for now.

Bobby: That's okay 

Buck: You want alone time with me?

Bobby: I'm sure that you also need a father.

Buck: Well you and Athena are the parents that I never really had. Growing up with my parents is hard but what's harder is that I'm still suffering until now.

Bobby: We might not be related by blood but I will always see you as my son.

Buck: Love you.

Bobby: Love you too. Let me check your cuts and wounds.

After checking his wounds Tommy called them to have dinner.

______________

Bobby and Buck went down and they saw Eddie along with Tommy and Athena.

Eddie: Hey, Hen and Chim misses you.

Bobby: they mentioned it to me also, they wanted to visit but Maddie told Chim no and we made excuses to Hen.

Buck: I miss them too. But I don't want them to see of of this.

Tommy: They love you, I'm sure that they will understand but I won't be forcing you.

Athena: Come on and have some dinner heard someone slept till afternoon.

Buck: Yeah haven't slept last night.

Eddie: Buck, Chris misses you too but I told him that you're resting.

Athena: They all miss you.

Buck: If you didn't come here maybe all of you misses me.

Tommy: Evan, don't even think doing it again.

Dinner went well they shared different stories and made sure that Buck is okay.

The three already left while Buck and Tommy decided to get some fresh air. 

Buck: I want to visit the firehouse. 

Tommy: We will do that when you're ready.

Buck: You'll come with me?

Tommy: Yes I will. 

Buck: I love you.

Tommy: I love you more, Evan.

This day is worst for Buck but on the bright side he's thankful that it kinda ended well despite of the dreams and nightmares that he has and some of it Tommy doesn't know.

Nightmares and Bad Memories will always be a part of me. 

Chapter 11: Going Back.

Summary:

It's almost a year and Buck has been cleared to go back to work. It's been awhile and for Buck everything feels new again.

Notes:

Always read at your own risks.

It's almost a year and Buck has been cleared to go back to work.

It's been awhile and for Buck everything feels new again. He's excited to go back but he is also nervous at the same time.

He went to the firehouse before when he was still recovering and now that he's back it feels different.

Tommy: It's your first day.

Buck: yeah and I'm nervous.

Tommy: You'll be fine and the whole 118 is there for you.

Buck: I love you.

Tommy has been complicating if he's going to asks Buck to move in with him now or when they watch sunrise but he doesn't want to spend anymore time without Buck beside him.

Tommy: Evan. This may be sudden but I was wondering if you want to move in with me?

Buck: I was wondering that too.

Tommy: Is that a yes?

Buck: Yes.

They left for work and will settle everything later.

______________

Buck arrived at the firehouse and he saw Bobby waiting for him.

Bobby: Welcome back kid. We missed you here.

Buck: I misses this too.

Bobby: How was your session with Dr. Copeland?

Buck: It went well he wants me to do something but she said that I can take my time.

Bobby: Just tell us if you need help.

Both of them entered the firehouse and everyone is waiting for them.

Buck was surprised that everyone was happy that he's back already. The pasts few months up until now wasn't really easy for him but he gets through everyday because of the people around him. 

His first duty was overwhelming and when they had a call in a building Bobby decided that Buck should try entering but Buck insisted that it's best if he would stay outside which Bobby respected. At the firehouse where everyone is resting he checked on his phone and saw that Tommy message him.

Tommy: How was your duty going?

Tommy: It's time for your medicines.

Tommy: Therapy session tomorrow don't forget.

Tommy: I love you.

Those messages made Buck's heart happy and full after replying he decided to go to the bunks to have some rest incase a call comes in but Bobby called him to his office.

Buck; Is something wrong?

Bobby: Give it to me kid.

Buck: Give you what?

Bobby: The sharp thing that you always carry.

Buck knew what Bobby wants to get but what he doesn't know is how did Bobby knew that he carries a blade or anything sharp with him inside his pocket. 

Buck: How did you know?

Bobby: I pay attention, Kid. Give it to me having those object will just tempt you more.

Buck: Here you go.

He handed the blade and when he was about to go out Bobby stopped him.

Bobby: Sit down.

Buck: I'm fine, cap.

Bobby: I've known you enough ever since the accident and everything that has happen the pasts months. What's wrong?

Buck: Everything is great actually, Tommy asked me to move in with him and I'm happy with that. I'm back at work and I'm doing well with all my therapy sessions.

Bobby: But?

Buck: I still have nightmares and sometimes I can't avoid thinking that what if one day each one of you will just leave me or I will be trapped again somewhere dark. 

Bobby doesn't know what Buck means to being trapped he's not sure if he is talking about the accident or it's something that happened when he was still with his parents. A lot of questions are starting to come in Bobby's head which is a signal for him to talk to Maddie alone.

Bobby: You sleep in the couch I'll be here until you wake up or when the alarm rings. You need to have some rest kid.

___________________

His first day back went well and as soon as their duty was over everyone headed home or the others had plans. Buck was about to go when Eddie, Hen, and Chim called him.

Eddie: Hey Buck!

Hen: Don't you dare go Buckaroo

Chim: Have breakfast with us

Buck: How about cap?

Chim: He has plans already

Buck: I'll just message Tommy, you guys go ahead.

Eddie: We will wait for you.

Buck: Sunrise, me and the others will have breakfast together but I'll head home as soon as we're done.

Tommy: Just stay safe okay? Don't forget my reminders and your appointments. I miss you and I'll see you tomorrow. I love you Sunshine.

Buck: I will. I miss you too but yeah see you tomorrow, sunrise. 

For Tommy Buck is his sunshine that makes his life bright while for Buck, Tommy is his sunrise that gives him hope everyday. 

_______________

While the others are having breakfast Bobby decided to meet with Maddie to know more about Buck's past. He wants to understand more about the nightmares and all the sleep talking that they witnessed. He wants to understand and know everything Buck but he knows that it takes a lot of patience. 

Maddie: Hi, Bobby

Bobby: Hi. Thanks for meeting me,

Maddie: Anytime. Heard that Chim and Buck will have breakfast with Hen and Eddie?

Bobby: Yeah, they missed Buck so much that they won't take no for an answer.

Maddie: You said that you want to talk to me about something. What is it?

Bobby: It's about Buck. About Buck's life and past. 

Maddie: Did something happen yesterday at work?

Bobby: Nothing really happened but he told me that he's scared of being trapped again and I remember when he was screaming about that also. 

Maddie knows what Bobby is talking about and he understands why does Bobby wants to know more about it. 

Bobby: Look, its okay if you don't tell me I understand.

Maddie: No, It's okay but I really don't know how and where to start because to be honest ever since Evan was born mom and dad has been cold to him. Yes they feed them and all but making him feel love that's the problem. Most babies will feel all the love but him? he never really had that kind of love that's why I understand how hard everything is for him. 

Bobby tries to process what Maddi is telling to him but what can't he really understand is how someone will not love their baby the moment that they were born. Why would the make their baby unwanted since the beginning. 

Bobby: Do you know why they don't like him?

Maddie: They blame him for the death of Daniel.

Bobby: Who is he?

Maddie: He's our other sibling that he doesn't really know about. Buck was born for him to help Daniel stay alive but the moment he was born is also the time that Daniel's body gave up. That's why ever since he was born mom and dad is not really happy.

Bobby: Are you planning to tell this to him?

Maddie: Yes, but I don't know how to start how will I tell him that ever since he was born he is already unwanted because he was only born to make his another brother survive but it didn't. How will I tell him that he is being blamed by something that he has no control or even an idea about those. How will I tell him that it's not his fault without him blaming himself all over again. All he ever wanted was to be loved and when I tell everything to him surely he will think that he deserves to be alone.

Bobby understands where Maddie is coming from and she was right how will they tell Buck about everything without seeing hi devastated again. 

Bobby: I won't force you to tell him but Maddie he deserves the truth.

Maddie: I know. Sooner or later I'll tell it to him. 

_____________

Just like what he told to Tommy he went straight home after having breakfast with Eddie it was nice to catch up with them but for Buck it's nicer that he is alone for now. He has company for the past months and now that he's allowed to be alone again before moving in with Tommy he's taking advantage of it.

Buck was trying to sleep when his door suddenly open he was not expecting anyone because Tommy was still at work but to his surprise he saw his boyfriend.

Buck: What are you ding here?

Tommy: They let me go early so I thought I can spend it with you. Are you about to sleep?

Buck: I'm about to try.

Tommy hugged his boyfriend but he noticed something.

Tommy: Sunshine you have a fever.

Buck: I'm fine maybe I'm just tired. I have schedule before duty tomorrow.

Tommy handed some medicines to Buck and laydown beside him to have some rest.

Tommy: Go get some rest and we will be going to your appointments together. 

Buck: You should rest too both of us are from work. 

Tommy: But I'm not sick.

Buck: Let's just rest 

 

Buck fell asleep first while tommy is fixing his medicine schedule before getting some rest.

 

Tommy; Please be better when you wake up. 

 

He whispered to his boyfriend and went to sleep hugging Buck. 

 

Chapter 12: Later That Day.

Summary:

Buck and Tommy got enough rest. Buck felt better and prepared lunch while Tommy prepared his stuff for therapy and work. The couple also talk about how will they move Buck's stuff to Tommy's house.

Notes:

Maddie might tell the truth to Buck in this chapter.

Mention of Abductions.

Always read at your own risks.

Buck and Tommy got enough rest. Buck felt better and prepared lunch while Tommy prepared his stuff for therapy and work. The couple also talk about how will they move Buck's stuff to Tommy's house.

Tommy: Let me check if you are really better.

Buck: I have no fever anymore.

Tommy: That's good. I'll be the one fixing your stuff since you are cooking lunch. It's my off so I can bring you to work and fetch you. Don't bring your jeep.

Buck: You now that I can now drive right?

Tommy: I know but you're still having therapy not one but three different sessions. 

Buch: Oh Sunrise I will never win in this argument. 

Tommy: Well, for the record Sunshine you won my heart. 

The couple had a wonderful lunch and when can Buck can start moving his things to Tommy's. 

This is what Buck wanted to experience for the longest time and now that he has the chance to experience it all he wishes is for it to lasts.

_________________

After having a conversation with Maddie, Bobby can't sleep because he wonders how will Buck take it if the time comes that Maddie has to tell the truth. He and Athena loves Buck so much that the last thing they wanted is to see Buck hurt and devastated again.

Athena: You haven's rest yet is something wrong?

Bobby: Maddie and I met after work we had some conversation that may change Buck's life. 

Athena: What is it?

Bobby: Buck was an unwanted child ever since she told me that Buck was only born to make Daniel lived but as soon as Buck was born Daniel's body gave up.

Athena: Wait who's Daniel?

Bobby: Their other sibling that Buck has no idea but his parents blames him for his death. That's why they were mad at him since then because Buck didn't save Daniel.

Athena: But it wasn't his fault and he has no idea about him.

Bobby: I know and Maddie too but for them it will always be Buck's fault that's why they will always make Buck's life a mess no matter what.

Athena: Maddie can;t keep this forever but you are right this will change Buck's life again and he might shut Maddie or everyone out.

Bobby: And that's what I'm really worried about. I don't want that to happen. 

For Bobby and Athena it's okay for them if Buck will have some alone time but if the time comes that he will shut everyone out they don't know if they can even handle it. 

They love Buck so much and the only thing that they want is to be by his side guiding and making sure that he will recover from everything well. 

_________________

Chimney: Are you okay?

Maddie: Yes I am

Chimney: How did it went?

Maddie: It's fine we just talk about Buck and it went well.

As much as Maddie wants to tell the truth to Chimney she can't. She knows that Bobby will tell it to Athena because they were Buck's parents but for her it's much better if she will tell it to Buck first.

She doesn't really know how because she can see that Buck is doing well and happy right now which she never had seen before. 

Maddie also knows how capable their parents can do just to hurt and destroy Buck and that's the thing that scares her the most. 

Chimney: You don't look okay but I'm here okay?

Maddie: I know and thank you for that.

Chimney: I'll take care of Jee while you take care of what needs to be taken care of. 

_____________

Buck and Tommy are already done with all the things that they have to do. Tommy will bring Buck to work and fetch him after just like what they agreed upon.

Buck: Maddie texted she wants us to meet before heading to work.

Tommy: Where are you meeting her?

Buck: Told her to meet me at the firehouse.

Tommy: Okay, I'll bring you there already so the two of you will have enough time to talk.

Maddie: We need to talk, Evan

Buck: Meet me at the firehouse

Maddie: Okay

Buck: I'll wait for you outside.

After Tommy dropped Buck at the firehouse, Buck stayed outside to wait for Maddie but instead of waiting for her sister someone hit him in his head that caused him to passed out. 

___________

Maddie arrived at the firehouse and she was expecting that Buck is there already but she can't see him.

She tried looking for him at the firehouse but he wasn't there either.

Maddie: Where are you?

Maddie: Evan, you have to reply

Maddie: You texted me that you're here already.

Maddie started panicking but she tried to keep it together and tried calling Tommy.

Maddie: Tommy is Buck with you?

Tommy: I dropped him at the firehouse and he told me that he'll wait for you outside.

Maddie: He's not here.

Tommy: I'm going back. Wait for me.

When Tommy arrived at the firehouse they started looking for Buck outside but he is not really there.

Tommy: Maddie I see blood.

Bobby: What's going on?

Tommy: Evan is missing. I'm sure that I dropped him here.

Bobby: I'll call Athena. Maddie we need to talk.

Bobby and Maddie went straight to the office while Tommy is talking with the others to find Buck.

Bobby: Do you think your parents has to do something with this?

Maddie: Yes.

Bobby: Do you have any idea where they might take him?

Maddie: I don't. They really don't go here a lot.

Athena arrived at the firehouse and they checked the CCTV outside the firehouse. They saw Buck standing outside but the moment Tommy left a man hit him really hard that caused the bleeding and the woman help him to carry buck inside the car.

Maddie felt cold the moment she saw who abducted Buck. She's hoping that it wasn't true but it's really clear who has Buck now.

Athena: I'll do everything to find him all of you stay here.

Bobby: I'll come with you

Athena: No, You wait here and be safe.

After Athena left Bobby, Tommy, Eddie and Maddie went to the office while Hen and Chimney tried calling Buck hoping that the younger will pick up.

Maddie: It's them.

Tommy: Maddie.. Where are they?

Maddie: I don't know

Bobby: How can they do this to their own child.

Eddie: This is not good.

All of them are worried. Athena is looking for them while Maddie is trying to contact her parents hoping that it will respond to her. 

All they can hope right now is to find Buck safe and alive.

Chapter 13: Finding Buck.

Summary:

LAPD and 118 started to look for Buck until Maddie got a message from her parents while the others got a message from Buck's phone but instead of feeling relieved all of them felt terrified.

Notes:

This chapter includes Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Mentions of Blood and Abduction.

It can be heavy.

Read at your own risks.

Buck woke up with his head hurting like hell and he can see that blood is flowing in his face.

He has no idea where he is right now but he is sure who abducted him. He is tied with a duck tape and hanged with a metal all over his body he already feels cold and weak but he knows that he needs to stay alive.

Buck can't really see anything because his eyes is also covered by duck-tape and also his mouth.

Philip: You really think that we will let you away just like that?

Philip removed the tape in Buck's mouth.

Buck: Why are you doing this?

Philip: Because you don't deserve to live.

Buck: I don't deserve this

Margaret: Who told you that you don't huh?

Margaret removed the duck-tape to Buck's eyes and hit him on his head.

Philip: No one is looking for you Evan. You will die alone.

Buck: I won't.

Philip put back the tape in his mouth and started to hold Buck's hairs which causes him to scream silently because of pain.

____________

LAPD and 118 started to look for Buck until Maddie got a message from her parents while the others got a message from Buck's phone but instead of feeling relieved all of them felt terrified.

Bobby: It's a live link.

Athena: It's on real time and not delayed streaming.

All of them opened the link and they we're all shocked seeing the situation of Buck. He was screaming in pain that they can't do anything.

Tommy: Evan.

Bobby: Athena can you track where are they?

Athena: His parents are smart enough we can't find the location.

Maddie: I'll try to remember this one.

All of them watched but as the time goes by their heart is shattered into pieces.

Maddie: His injuries are not good. 

They can all see and hear everything as much as they want to assure Buck that it's not true their is nothing that that can do right now.

___________

Philip and Margaret continued hurting Buck as if it's not their son and by the moment they stopped to think of something and leave Buck alone in the room, Buck started to cry.

I never wanted any of this.

Everything hurts.

I want to let go.

Philip and Margaret went back inside not to set Buck free the to make his life a living hell.

Buck doesn't know how many days had passed but he is sure that he will not make it to another week.

Philip: We told you no one is looking for you.

Margaret: Why would someone care to a useless son like him? 

Ever since they abducted Buck all they did is to hurt him physically and emotionally but the worst part is that they started electrocuting and sticking a burned stick to Buck's body which causes him more pain.

Buck: Let me go.

Philip: Stop begging. We will only let go when you're dead.

Margaret: You will die alone.

Buck's body really hurts but he is holding on he can see that the two is still hitting him not until someone raided the place that they are right now.

Athena: LAPD 

Athena arrested Philip and Margaret while the 118, Tommy and Maddie set Buck free.

The moment that they put Buck on the gurney he lost consciousness

Maddie: I'm really really sorry Evan.

Hen: He is breathing but barely.

Bobby: I'll go with him while Maddie needs to go with Athena.

The ride at the hospital wasn't great they are looking at Buck who is still unconscious. They already know that the aftermath of this will not go well most especially Tommy, Bobby and Eddie knows that Buck hates to be seen like this. 

Buck is pale maybe he lost too much blood and the burns and the marking from him being tied up is not good. 

Everything is a mess right now but they are most terrified when Buck wakes up. 

After the Doctors treated Buck they transferred him to a regular room but they all have to wait for him to wake up.  The doctor also advise that Dr. Copeland should stand by.

Doctor: We need to restrain him because the moment he wakes up chances are high that he will panic.

The doctors aren't wrong because the moment Buck wake up he started fighting the restraints and screaming that he needs to be let go. 

Bobby: Hey kid your safe. Its me.

Buck: But.. I'm tied.. up..

Bobby: you are at the hospital they restrained you because the doctor knew that this would happen. It's okay now you are safe.

Buck: Everything hurts.

Buck's pain is indescribable but what's worst is that he can remember everything single thing that happened.

Buck was sedated which caused him to fall asleep and Bobby went outside to talk with the others.

__________

Bobby: He is still lost and listen to what I'm going to tell next.

Bobby: Prepare yourself for the aftermath this is not good. Tommy I know that you are worried and you are the one how needs right now so go inside.

Tommy: Call me if you need me.

Hen: How is he?

Bobby: Not good. Wounds and fractured will heal but the pain and what his parents told him I don't think he'll forget that.

Eddie: It was a fucking nightmare.

Eddie was right it was indeed a nightmare but for Buck it is hell. 

Athena and Maddie arrived at the hospital and they Maddie went inside to see Buck. Tommy went out to give her some time.

Tommy: How did it go?

Athena: They will be transferred at Hershey, they are pressed with different criminal charges and they won't get near or see Buck again. How's the kid?

Bobby: He woke up awhile ago but it's not really good. 

They are all waiting outside when they saw that Buck woke up again but this time Buck is only crying and not saying anything.

Maddie tried talking to him but he didn't respond. 

Chapter 14: The Truth and The Aftermath.

Summary:

Buck woke up but he's not responding, Maddie tried holding his hand but he put Maddie's hand away. Buck doesn't let anyone near him.

Notes:

Buck's trauma will get worst and the aftermath will take a really long time.

Maddie will tell the truth to Buck.

Will include self attempt and self harm attempt.

Always read at your own risks.

Buck woke up but he's not responding, Maddie tried holding his hand but he put Maddie's hand away. Buck doesn't let anyone near him.

Maddie: It's okay if you don't want you take your time.

Tommy: Maddie can me and him have a minute?

Maddie went out and Tommy sat on a chair near Buck.

Tommy: Hey sunshine. I'm glad your awake. I should left you alone. 

Tommy knows what he can't hold or get near Buck that's why he tried his best not to hold him even if he wants to.

Buck's tears are flowing and as much as Tommy wants to wipe it he knows that Buck will feel uncomfortable but he is shock when Buck looked at him.

Buck: Sun..rise.. don't leave me alone.. 

Buck was reaching for Tommy's hand but because of the restrains he has limited movements. 

Tommy: You are okay with me getting near you?.

Buck: Yes.. only.. you.. Athena.. and Bobby.

Tommy: Athena wants to see you and Bobby.

Buck: Okay.. But come back.

Tommy: I will.

Tommy went out and explained what Buck told him everyone understands and he told him that Buck can take all the time he needs. 

Tommy: Maddie, you should tell him the truth.

Maddie: I know but this is not the right time.

Bobby: We can all see that.

Tommy: Bobby and Athena, Buck wants you inside both of you should enter now he doesn't want to be alone.

_________________

Athena: I'm sorry we found you late.

Buck: You still found me.

Bobby: How are you feeling?

Buck: Not good.

Buck was still crying but he's talking with Bobby and Athena.

Buck: Can this be remove? I feel like being abducted with these.

Athena: I'll call the nurse.

Athena went out to talk to Buck's medical team about removing the restrains and they agreed.

The Doctor went inside with a nurse to assist in removing the restrains.

Buck: Thank you.

The Doctor nodded and went out to give them some space.

Athena: From now on you will be safe. No one is going to hurt you anymore baby.

Bobby: We are here for you and no matter what happens we will stay.

Buck: Thank you for loving me.

Bobby: We will always love you.

Buck: How long do I need to stay here?

Athena: You can go home the day after tomorrow but Tommy will be with you. You also need sessions with Dr. Copeland.

Buck: Yeah.

Tommy went inside and joined them while the others are patiently waiting. They want to see Buck already but they know that it's not the right time yet.

Tommy: They are waiting outside. Maddie is pretty worried.

Buck:I don't want them to see this. I know that they sent a link to each one of you they already saw how I almost got killed I don't want them to see me like this.

Bobby: But why did you avoided Maddie too?

Buck: I don't want him to get hurt more.

They are right that Buck won't let anyone see him in that state but what hurts the most is that he is still thinking about the others than himself.

Athena: You should rest now.

Buck: I will later but is it okay if I'll be alone?

Bobby: The blinds are close we can't see you outside.

Buck: I won't do anything I promise.

They all went out and left him alone just like what he wanted and the moment the door closed he reach out his phone and watched the video.

He knows that his parents took that using his phone but he's sure that no one knows about it because it's not yet deleted.

Buck felt devastated and torn into pieces he wanted to scream but he can't.

His eyes got tired and he fell asleep while the phone shutdown itself still on that video. 

_______________

It took 2 days before Buck agreed to let everyone see him including Maddie.

Buck tried his best to keep everything together when everyone is around and fells apart when he is alone. He did this before but it's much worst after he was abducted and almost killed by his parents.

Everyone is having conversation while they are waiting for the remaining documents that Buck need for his discharge and Maddie thought maybe it's time.

Maddie: Can me and Buck have a minute?

Bobby and Athena already has clue and the prepared there selves for it.

Everyone went out leaving Buck and Maddie alone.

Buck: Is everything okay?

Maddie: You need to know something. 

Buck: Just say it.

Maddie: Ever since you were born Mom and Dad didn't really want you. You are only born because they thought that you can save Daniel.

Maddie doesn't really know how to begin but she has no choice she needs to tell the truth and be prepared for the aftermath.

Buck: Who's Daniel?

Maddie: He was our brother. He was sick and the only think that they could think of is having another child to save him. But the moment that you were born is also the time that Daniel's body gave up. They blamed you for everything but it wasn't your fault none of it. 

Buck: Why didn't you tell me before?

Maddie: Because I know that it will not do any good.

Buck: My life has been hell ever since and now you're telling me that since I was born I am not treated like their own child?. I've been suffering and almost killed by them.

Buck started shouting enough for the others to hear but Bobby and Athena stopped them from entering the room.

Maddie: I'm really really sorry.

Buck: Atleast now I know that I was just used and never wanted. Now I understand why it's easy for them to hurt and kill me. Now go out and tell everyone to leave except Tommy. I only have him. 

Maddie went out trying to stop his tears while Buck tries his best not to breakdown because he might stay another day at the hospital. 

Maddie: He wants everyone to leave except Tommy. 

Tommy: What happened?

Maddie: You should see him now. 

Bobby: Everyone leave and no one will visit him until Tommy or Buck says so.

Everyone followed Bobby full of confusion while Chim is comforting Maddie. 

_____________

Buck: Where are we going?

Tommy: Home.

Buck: How about my stuff?

Tommy: It's already taken care of. 

The moment they arrived at Tommy's house Buck went straight to the room while Tommy checked his phone.

Bobby: Take care of him and tell him that he can get back to work once his ready. We will be here waiting.

Athena: Make sure that he won't be climbing the wall or doing something that can hurt him.

Maddie: Please look after him for me.

Tommy was really confused because the moment he entered the room he saw Buck wiping his tears and while on the way home his boyfriend remained silent and went inside. He has no idea what happened but he surely know that Athena and Bobby knows.

Tommy went inside to check his boyfriend and he saw Buck sleeping to their bed. 

He went down and called Bobby to find answers.

Bobby: Are you two home?

Tommy: Yeah. He's asleep. Bobby what happened?

Bobby: It's the best that you should talk to him. 

Tommy: Okay. I'll take care of him.

Bobby: Thanks.

Tommy hang-up and went back to his room when he saw his boyfriend crying but asleep.

Tommy: Sunshine it's okay. 

Tommy stayed with Buck until he woke up.

Buck: I fell asleep.

Tommy: Which is good.

Buck: I wasn't wanted ever since.

Tommy: What do you mean?

Buck: Maddie told me the truth I was never really wanted. I was just born because I need to save their son's life but he didn't make it so they blame me.

Tommy doesn't really know how to respond he is also lost for words.

Buck hugged Tommy while the other caress his hair to comfort me.

He knows that Tommy is confused but he's thankful that he has him.

Tommy: Is that the reason why you told everyone to go?.

Buck: Yeah and I don't want to see them. I don't know until when.

Tommy: Are you gonna talk to them?

Buck: I don't want either.

Now Tommy understands why he received those kind of messages and why did Bobby told everyone to wait until Buck said so.

Buck's phone kept on ringing but he ignored all those calls and he put his phone on the table near their bed. Tommy saw what Buck did and he already knew that his boyfriend is shutting everyone out. 

Bobby: We tried calling him but he didn't answer.

Athena: Please tell him we love him.

Maddie: How is he?

As much as Tommy want to convince Buck that he doesn't need to shut everyone his boyfriend's feeling are valid and if that helps him he will support it.

______________

Bobby and Athena are outside Tommy's house contemplating if they should go in or just go home they respect every decision that Buck has but they can't really help but to worry about him.

Bobby: Hey can you go out for awhile

Tommy went outside and he saw Bobby and Athena inside their car.

Tommy: What are you doing here?

Athena: We wanted to see him but it's not the right time. How is he doing?.

Tommy: He was crying when he was asleep awhile ago. He told me that Maddie told her the truth. He's been silent since that talk.

Bobby: We already expected that this will happen but sometimes I hope he won't shut everyone out.

Athena: But we are thankful he has you. 

Tommy: Don't worry I'll take care of him. I need to go back now he doesn't want to be alone.

Bobby: Alright. And Tommy keep all the sharp things and blades away from him.

Tommy went back inside while the couple already left.

Tommy: Evan, give that to me.

Buck: No.

Tommy: Evan please.

Tommy doesn't know what to do he wants to call Athena and Bobby but he knows Buck won't like it. 

The moment he went inside he saw Buck holding a knife into his wrists. 

Tommy is trying to stop Buck but as he looks at his boyfriend it really looks devastated that all he wanted is for the pain to stop.

Tommy: Sunshine please let the knife go.

Buck: I will just give what they want. I may not save Daniel but I can now give him the satisfaction of them seeing me dead.

Tommy: How about us Evan? How about me?. I can't afford losing you. I can't afford seeing you die. Please Sunshine give that to me. 

Buck: I don't deserve to live.

Tommy: You do deserve to live. Please listen to me. 

Tommy tried his very best but Buck is really not listening to him and it left him with no choice but to call Bobby and Athena. 

Tommy: Bobby please comeback now please.

Chapter 15: Terrifying Night.

Summary:

Tommy tried his best but Buck wasn't really listening he just keeps on blaming himself which left Tommy no choice but to call Athena and Bobby to come back real quick.

Notes:

This Chapter includes Attempts, Self Blame, Implication of self harm, Self Doubt, Insomnia and other matters that may trigger.

Please read at your own risks.

Tommy tried his best but Buck wasn't really listening he just keeps on blaming himself which left Tommy no choice but to call Athena and Bobby to come back real quick.

Bobby: We need to go back.

Bobby and Athena drove back and ran inside Tommy and Buck's house they don't care anymore if Buck gets mad as long as he is safe.

Tommy: Evan please I'm begging.

They saw Tommy begging Buck to surrender the knife 

Bobby: Buck give that to me now.

Buck: No.

Athena: Baby please listen to us. Talk to us. 

Buck: When I was abducted all they ever told me is that they will only be happy if I die. I don't know at first but when Maddie told me the truth I understand. It wasn't my fault that I couldn't save him but maybe it this way they will feel better. 

Bobby, Athena and Tommy doesn't know how to convince him. It hurts them seeing Buck in that situation but as much as they want to just grab the knife they can't.

Athena: Baby its starting to bleed put that knife away from your wrist. 

Buck didn't start the lines yet but because the knife was too sharp it causes his wrist to bleed a little. 

Buck: All I ever wanted was to be love by them. I grew up asking myself why is it to hard for them to love me. It took 29 years for me to understand why. 

Buck: When I was hanged up all I ever wanted was to stay alive because I want to recover from everything but now? I just want all this pain to stop. 

As they listen to Buck they don't know what they can do. They are hurting for Buck he doesn't deserve any of this. 

He doesn't deserve to suffer like that.

Buck: 29 Fucking years of hell and wondering why I am treated that way. I think it's better if they just abandoned or kill me since that day but they chose to make me alive just for me to suffer from something that I never wanted.

Tommy: Evan please listen to us. 

It took almost an hour when Buck's body became weak that he dropped off the knife and Tommy went to him while Bobby made sure that Buck won't reach it anymore.

Everyone started sobbing while hugging Buck.

Athena: We love you and we can't afford losing you. 

Bobby: Your feeling are valid and we are here to listen but if you want us to go we will respect that.

Tommy: You are the best thing that happened to me.

Buck: I'm so sorry.

Bobby: Shhh stop. Do you want us to comeback tomorrow?

Buck: Will you come?

Athena: We will always come as long as you're okay with it. Do you want us to come back tomorrow?

Buck; Can you stay?

Bobby: We will be glad to stay by your side, kid.

This is one of the most terrifying night that they ever had and they know that it's only the first one. 

Buck kept on apologizing to them and the three of them gave him assurance.

Tommy: Please keep going, Sunshine. I really don't know what would I do if something happened to you. 

They all stayed a little longer until they told Buck to get some sleep.

Bobby and Athena stayed at the guest room to have some rest while Tommy is with Buck. 

_____________

It was almost 2 am in the morning when Buck started to have nightmares. He started to see their old house and the abandoned house where his parents usually trap him since he was 5.

Help me.

Don't leave me at this abandoned house. 

Buck kept on screaming for help and Tommy woke up. 

He also kept on sobbing, Tommy tried to wake him up but Buck is not waking up.

Tommy: Evan wake up.

Bobby: What happened?

Athena: He's having nightmares from the pasts again.

Buck stop screaming he was still sobbing but the moment he fell asleep the crying also stopped.

Buck woke up at 3 am feeling sick he needed some help but he doesn't want to wake Tommy up.

He stayed beside Tommy looking above the ceiling crying silently so he can't awake his boyfriend up. 

Morning came, Tommy woke up to check where Buck is and he found it beside him still crying.

Tommy: Hey, It's alright.

Buck: I didn't noticed that you're awake.

Tommy: I just woke up. You're eyes are swollen looks like you've been crying for hours.

Buck doesn't really know how long he was crying but he was sure that tears are not stopping. 

Buck: Are you going to work?.

Tommy: I requested for leave. 

Buck: How about Bobby and Athena?

The couple went up just in time Buck is asking about them.

Athena: We won't work today. We will be here.

Bobby: Hen will be interim captain until I comeback.

Buck: About last night..

Bobby: Why won't we go down and you help me cook breakfast?

Athena: Go ahead Tommy and I will have some talk. 

__________________

The moment Buck and Bobby went down. Athena and Tommy made sure that the younger won't here them.

Athena: Did he wake up early just to cry?.

Tommy: Yes. It was only 3 am but I acted that I didn't know because he will just feel bad about it. 

Athena: Does Maddie know what happened?

Tommy: Only the three of us. 

Athena: I'm worried about him. This will be very hard on him.

Tommy: None of us knows what will happen next.

Athena and Tommy are trying to figure out what should they do because as terrifying last night was they all know that it might not be the last time.

Buck has a lot of wounds and each nightmare gives him an opening to open another wound. 

He never really talk about all the nightmares he's experiencing but sooner or later he has to open it.  

 

 

Notes:

Let's see if Buck will have better days ahead of him at the next chapter.

Chapter 16: Inner Wounds.

Summary:

All of them spent the rest of the day together not until Buck decided to open up about his nightmare and inner pain.

Notes:

This Chapter will open up more about what happened to Buck when he was a kid and how he decided to talk about his nightmares.

Always read at your own risks.

All of them spent the rest of the day together not until Buck decided to open up about his nightmare and inner pain.

Buck: Can I drink?

Bobby: No for now.

Buck? Just for today.

Tommy: Someone is negotiating.

Athena: What do you want?

Buck: Tequila.

As much as they all want to say yes they are all terrified that Buck might do something to his self again. 

Buck: I'll get some fresh air, which I'll be right where you can see me while the three of you try to decided if you'll let me have a drink with all of you.

Buck went out near the patio while Bobby, Athena and Tommy is staring at him.

They noticed that the moment Buck went out his tears are starting to fall again.

Tommy: Why do you think he wants to drink?

Athena: Why won't Bobby ask and he decided if we allow him or not.

Bobby: Let's give him a little time first.

Athena: Did you allow him to hold the knife while cooking?

Bobby: I didn't. He's not allowed to hold anything sharp for now. I know that we can't always stop him but as long as we can we will.

__________________

Bobby: Hey, mind if I join you?

Buck: Sure.

Bobby: It's okay you can cry all you can cry all you want.

Buck: Do you heard anything from Maddie? 

Bobby: He always checks up on you. She's worried too. 

Buck: The reason I wanna drink is to have courage to tell everything but I also need her beside me. I shut her out because I was hurt but I also know that she only did that to protect me.

Bobby: Okay we will allow you to drink but no sharp objects near you. I'll also call Maddie. You stay here.

Just like what Bobby said she called Maddie and told her that Buck wants to see him.

A few minutes later Maddie arrived and she went directly to Buck who's still outside.

Maddie: Heard you wanna see me?

Buck: I wanna drink.

Maddie: They've mentioned that too.

Buck: Listen, I'm sorry that I shut you out. I understand that you're  protecting me but I also felt betrayed. 

Maddie: I should be the one apologizing to you. I'm sorry if I made you feel betrayed and that won't happen again. You always have me and them.

Buck: I wanted to drink because I want to talk about my nightmares and inner wounds but I also want you here with me. 

Maddie: I'm here now.

Maddie and Buck are talking when she noticed Buck's wound.

Maddie: Did you hurt yourself again, Evan?

Buck: I am but this one happen last night. I tried ending my life but Tommy, Athena and Bobby stopped me. 

Maddie: Why didn't you tell me?

Buck: Because I don't want to be a bother. I really don't want anyone to know but Tommy caught me then Athena and Bobby.

Maddie: Please don't think that you deserve it. 

Buck: How's Chim?

Maddie: He misses you well they all are.

Buck and Maddie stayed outside but also decided to join the others.

Maddie also worries that Buck might do it again but if ever that happens he will do everything just for Buck to live.

____________

Buck went upstairs while the others stayed at the living room which gave an opportunity for Maddie to thank them. 

Maddie: I want to thank you all for saving him last night and also the other times. 

Tommy: I'm just glad he told you already.

Maddie: Do you think he'll let others in too?

Bobby: It took a while for him to tell that unless he was caught so I'm sure that in time he will also let Eddie and the others.

After a few minuted Buck went down carrying something with him and seated with Tommy.

Tommy: What's that sunshine?.

Buck: It's all about what I did every time they keep me in the dark abandoned house since I was 5.

Buck smiled lightly and Tommy held his hand.

Maddie: I didn't know that you kept them.

Buck: I did keep them but some of this drawings are making my nightmares worsts. Nightmares has always been with me ever since I thought that it would passed but as I get older until I became a firefighter the reality hit me that it will always be a part of me. My therapies are helping but when the night comes everything comeback.  I always cry and scream when I'm asleep but I'm not sure if someone wakes me up or something but when I wake up I always feel like I'm chasing my breath. Aside from nightmares Panic Attacks and Anxiety Attacks are always happening but when I have lines it makes me calm down. I know that it wasn't right but that's the only way that helps me calm when I can't. 

No one spoke but they all pay attention to Buck. 

Bobby: What's your first drawing?

Buck: This one.

Buck lifted a paper that has a abandoned house and a kid.

Maddie: Is that you?.

Buck: Most of my drawings include me and the things that they did to me. 

Athena: They tied you up when you were a kid?

Buck: They do.

Buck lifted his sleeves and pants to show them the markings that he has aside from the marking when he was abducted. 

Maddie: Why didn't I know about this?.

Buck: Because I don't want you to hate them.

Tommy: Why didn't you tell us?. When did this stop?

Buck: It only ended when I went here.

Maddie doesn't know how to react because how come that she was not aware about it. 

All of them are trying to process everything and as Buck continues it also gets heavy and painful that makes them wonder how did Buck kept  everything to his self. 

Maddie: If it gets heavier we can stop okay. You don't need to force yourself.

Buck: That's why I needed tequila. I still can so let me. That's why I don't want anyone to see me when I was a mess because I'm always used to keep everything. 

Buck tried his best but the moment he started to have Panic Attacks he also stop. 

Tommy: Everything is hard for you but remember that you have us and we will never let you  face everything alone. 

____________

As the night ended Bobby, Athena and Maddie went home together.

Maddie: How did I miss all those signs. I should've known. 

Bobby: No one wanted this and Buck won't be happy if he knew that you're blaming yourself.

Maddie: And his blaming his self. He even kept those drawings. 

Athena: He's trying to open up and the best thing that we should do is to be there for him.

Bobby: But he shut the others out.

Maddie: It will take time for him but when he's ready he will be the one to call them.

Bobby: Does Chim know?.

Maddie; The only thing he knows is that I'm visiting. 

 

All of them went home safe while Buck and Tommy are still awake. 

Tommy: Do you want to keep these?

Buck: Leave them here first. Let's go to bed.

Tommy: I know that you'll have nightmares but when you feel uneasy don't hesitate to wake me up. I don't care how late or early is it what's important to me is you're here. 

Buck felt safe with the assurance that Tommy gave him but it also hit him that happiness doesn't really last for him.

My happiness always comes with another tragedy.

No matter how many Buck is avoiding that thought it will always end up that he's right all along. 

 

Notes:

I've been trying to make Buck a little better but I always end up new set of ideas about his past and how he deals with all his pain which includes shutting other people out.

Chapter 17: Letting The Others In Once Again.

Summary:

After a week of shutting the others out Buck decided to visit them.

Notes:

Always read at your own risks.

It's been a week since Buck avoided everyone but today his ready to face them.

Tommy is going back to work and Buck will go to the firehouse to sign some documents for him to come back the next day.

Bobby told him that he can sign it on the day but he insisted because he also wanted to visit his friends.

Tommy: Always open your location okay?. My shift is only 12 hrs so I'll be with you at night.

Buck: I thought you're taking 24?.

Tommy: Not until you have your schedule. 

Buck: Alright.

Tommy: Anyways it's my off tomorrow I'll bring you somewhere but early.

_____________

Everyone at the firehouse knew that Buck will come by, Athena is also at the firehouse waiting for his son.

It's been awhile since they saw Buck that's why they were all excited for him to come. 

Bobby and Athena decided to wait outside they just want to make sure that Buck will be okay. 

The moment that Buck arrived Bobby extended his hand that Buck understood so he handed what Bobby's wants him to give and was about to get in but he stop moving.

Athena: Take your time Buckaroo.

Bobby: I can just bring the papers at Tommy's after duty.

Before going to the firehouse he was ready but the moment that he was about to go in everything just went back to him. 

The three of them are standing outside while Chimney, Hen and Eddie went outside to see what's going on. 

Eddie: Buck are you okay?

Buck wasn't answering which made them all worried.

He was just having a small talk with Bobby and Athena it also ended shortly. 

It took awhile before Buck went back to his senses.

Buck: I'm sorry.

Bobby: Do you want me to call Tommy?

Buck: He's at work. 

Bobby: Do you still want to go in?

Buck: Yeah.

Athena: Okay come on hold my hand. We will go straight to the office.

Athena held Buck's hand while Bobby is on the other side and Eddie is at the back.

The moment that they arrived at the office Buck felt safe. 

After signing all the documents he needed he was contemplating. 

Bobby: They are waiting for you. I can let them in here.

Buck: That's okay?.

Bobby: As long as your safe it will always be okay.

Athena: I'll call them. 

Eddie: We missed you.

Chim: Are you okay now?

hen: Hope you're doing well.

All of them gathered inside Bobby's office. Each one of them are changing conversations until Buck suddenly became quiet.

Athena: Hey it's okay. 

Buck: I want to say something.

buck got everyone's attention and they all listened to him. He explained what happened and just like before he receive positive comments and assurance. 

The day at the firehouse went well but Buck decided to come home.

Buck: I should head home.

Athena: Is Tommy fetching you?.

Buck: No we will meet at home. 

Athena: Let's go I'll be behind your car.

As much as Buck wants to say no he's sure that Bobby and Athena will not agree so he said yes.

_______________

Tommy: Hello Sunshine how was your day?.

Buck: I froze before entering the firehouse.

Athena: But you did well.

Tommy: I'm proud of you.

Athena: I'll go ahead Bobby would be waiting for me at home too. I'll see you guys the day after tomorrow. 

Buck went up to change while Tommy is preparing the food that he bought before heading home.

He was about to go down when an unknown number called him. 

You will never be happy.

Ungrateful son.

How can you sleep at night after what you've done?.

His parents may not come near him but it doesn't mean that they can't make ways to ruin his life. 

Buck acted like nothing happened and someone called again which is Maddie. 

Maddie: Heard that you went to the firehouse?

Buck: Yeah I did. Did Chim mentioned that I froze?

Maddie: He didn't but what happened?

Buck: I was about to go in when suddenly I can't but no worries I made it.

Maddie: How are you?

Buck: Fine. I'll get going Tommy and I are about to have dinner. 

Just like before he'll pretend like nothing was wrong. He will pretend again that everything is okay but he is sure that this is will haunt him over and over. 

While having dinner Tommy notice that Buck's mood have changed. 

Tommy: Did something happen upstairs? Did you receive or saw something that triggered you?

Buck: Uh no. Nothing happened. 

Tommy: You look pale Sunshine. 

Buck: I'm jus tired but I'm okay now. 

Tommy: We'll rest after this. I love you. 

________________

After having dinner the two of them went upstairs to have some rest.

Tommy is getting ready while Buck is sure that he will be awake all night.

Tommy: Let's get to sleep because we need to wake up early.

Buck: Where are we going?

Tommy: To check one the the things that you wanted to do. 

Buck: Watch sunrise and sunset?

Tommy: You got it. I already checked the plane before heading home and I already have plans which is a surprise. 

Buck: I thought you forgot about it. 

Tommy: Why would I?. Now let's sleep because we will have a whole day ahead for us tomorrow.

Buck never imagined that someone will remember the things that he wanted and as he think about it he feels happy and grateful. 

Tommy already fell asleep while Buck is just staring at his boyfriend admiring everything about him. 

The rest of the night are going well not until Buck remembered the call that he received and like what he always does he silently cried until he fell asleep. 

Chapter 18: Fulfillment of Promises.

Summary:

Just like what Tommy told Buck he organize everything making sure that his boyfriend will be happy the whole day. For Tommy Buck's happiness will always be his priority. Well Buck will always be his priority.

Notes:

This Chapter are mostly about Buck and Tommy's date.

Not sure how it will go so always read at your own risks.

Just like what they planned the two of them woke up around 3 am to prepare and to have some time to stop by so that they can have a meal.

Tommy already prepared everything ahead so they don't need to do that much anymore the only thing that they have to do is to make sure that they will be at the station on time.

Tommy: Are you ready sunshine?

Buck: Yes, Sunrise. 

There travel time from the house to Tommy's station won't take long so the moment they arrived Tommy parked his truck and the two of them went straight to the plane. 

Tommy: Someone looks sleepy. 

He knew that Buck had some sleep but his eyes tells that he let himself cry into sleep once again.

Buck: I'm fine. 

Tommy look for a good spot and few minutes later the Sun and the clouds are starting to collide. 

It's the most wonderful thing that Buck ever witnessed in his whole life.

He never thought that watching Sunrise with his own Sunrise could be this beautiful. 

Buck: I love you so much, Sunrise. 

Tommy: I love you more Sunshine. 

The two spent their time watching the sunrise and when it's done Tommy kept going but Buck has no idea where are they heading. 

Buck: Do you want to tell me where are we going?.

Tommy: To fulfill one more thing.

Buck: But sunset will happen later not now. 

Tommy: Oh Sunshine have some patience.

'It only took 20 mins when they arrive to another runway. Buck doesn't really know where they are.

Tommy: here we are. Someone quiet and alone. 

Buck: You don't have to this. Sunrise is already enough. 

Tommy: I Told you I'll fulfill everything that I can today. Besides your going back again tomorrow you deserve this. 

Buck: What will I do without you.

Tommy: Don't worry I'm not going anywhere.

Tommy has really no plans of leaving he already sees his future with Buck and when things gets a little better or when Buck is okay he plans to marry him. 

They spend the day enjoying every moment with each others company.

Buck: Is it okay if we stay at the beach?

Tommy: Do you want to be alone?

Buck: Nope. I want you to stay here with you next to me.  

_______________

While Tommy and Buck are enjoying their time together, the rest are at Bobby and Athena's house to talk regarding the case of Buck's parents.

Athena: They want Buck to testify towards Philip and Margaret.

Maddie: They called me last night but I'm not really sure if that's a good idea. Knowing that Evan is trying to recover from everything it won't do anything good to him.

Bobby: Does Buck already know about this?.

Maddie: I was planning to see him today but he and Tommy have plans for the whole day.

Eddie: So what happens now?

Athena: I'll try talking to Tommy when they came back and then the Maddie can do the talking.

Bobby: I think it's better if Maddie will be the one to tell him since it's parents.

Chim: But wait can he say no?.

Maddie: Unfortunately he can't.

Eddie: So this thing will just add another trauma and pain to him?.

Hen: Most likely it will.

Eddie: Buck will be back to work tomorrow. Maybe you can make some ways while me, Hen and Chim will be with him.

Bobby: If I could just be the one to take the stand instead of him I'll do it. I really don't want him to go back at phase one again.

Athena: As much as we don't want him go back from the beginning it always end up of him starting over. 

Everyone is worried about what might happen if Buck will testify and see his parents again. They are worried about the triggers and also Bobby, Athena and Maddie are aware that the younger might relapse again and starts hurting himself again just because he finds comfort to it. 

The world has been cruel for Buck since he was born and now that the people around him has a chance to make him feel that his safe and love that's the only thing that they want Buck to feel. But how can Buck be healed if every time he gets better something will always happen for him to go back.

________________

Buck and Tommy spend the rest of the day at the beach they just spent watching the waves go back and fourth. It was calming and relaxing that they want to do it again.

Tommy was looking at the waves when he noticed that Buck is pinching his self.

Tommy: Sunshine stop that.

He held Buck's hand and then the young looked at him.

Buck: I'm sorry I didn't noticed that I was doing it.

Tommy: Are you having attacks?.

Buck: Yes and I don't know why. I felt relax since we are here but suddenly I felt uneasy.

Tommy hugged Buck and the moment that he noticed that Buck calmed down he looked at him and told him that it's time for them to go because its almost sunset.

Buck remained quiet while staring at the clouds while Tommy is looking at him from time to time making sure that he is not hurting his self in any possible way.

As Bucks stares at the clouds colliding and starts in changing colors he suddenly felt that tears are started to fall from his eyes again. The moment he felt it he breathed deeply and tried his best to stop it so that Tommy won't see it.

Knowing Tommy he always observes Buck that's why no matter how much his boyfriend tries to hide his tears Tommy is always aware of it.

Tommy: Are you enjoying the view Sunshine?.

Buck: Yes it's pretty just like the sunset. Thank you so much for fulfilling this promise. 

Tommy: I told you your happiness will always comes first. I love you and no matter what happens I'll to everything just to see you smile.

Buck: I love you too.

_______________

Buck and Tommy arrived home and they went straight to prepare the take out that they bought so that Buck doesn't need to cook.

While Buck is preparing and he let Tommy rest since he did everything today, Tommy decided to check his phone for some time because ever since they went out none of them really opened their phone instead when they need to take some photos.

The moment Tommy opened his phone he saw that he got messages from Athena, Bobby and Maddie.

Athena: Call me once you get back.

Bobby: How did your trip went?.

Maddie: Thank you for making my brother fulfill what he wants.

Once he saw that Athena wants him to call her he told Evan that he will be at the patio to take some calls and the younger just nodded. 

Before going to the patio Tommy made sure that all of the triggers that may tempt Buck are hidden and he made sure that he can still see his boyfriend from afar.

Tommy: Hey what's up?

Athena: How did your date went?

Tommy: He is so happy.

Athena: That's good.

Tommy: So you told me to call you just to check on us?

Athena: No. The county at Hershey called and said that they want Buck to testify towards what happened.

Tommy: Which Buck doesn't know yet?.

Athena: Yeah. We already talked about it while the both of you are away but we still don't know how he'll take it.

Tommy: Who's going to tell him? Maddie?.

Athena: Yes Maddie will talk to him but tomorrow at work Eddie, Hen and Chim will be with him while Me, Bobby and Maddie will talk. You can also join us if you can.

Tommy: I can bring Buck to work early then I'll stop by. 

Athena: Sounds like a plan.

Tommy: Before we end the call. Buck had attacks awhile ago at the beach he suddenly felt uneasy and he doesn't know why maybe this is it. He doesn't know a a thig yet but he already feels it.

Athena: Did he do something?.

Tommy: He pinched himself for how many times. he was shaking when I held his hand.

Athena: Will talk about everything tomorrow. You two have dinner he must be waiting for you. 

Buck was waiting for Tommy when he decided to check his phone too which made him relieved because they are no messages that he can trigger him but while he was scrolling he saw the video again. He was suppose to play it but Tommy already went back.

Thank god he's back just in time. 

The couple ate together and talk about how their schedule will go. 

Just like what Tommy told before he and Buck will be having same shift schedule so that his boyfriend doesn't need to be alone or when it changes Buck can stay with Bobby or to who he wants as long as he is safe.

Buck: I will always be thankful for you, Sunrise. Thank you for loving and accepting my flaws. Thank you for today and for everyday. I love you.

Tommy: My Sunshine you have no idea how happy I am with you.

Chapter 19: Decision Making.

Summary:

As Buck went back to work all of them are making sure that he's okay. Bobby also checks on him from time to time and Maddie told him that they need to talk after work.

Notes:

This chapter will include Panic Attacks, Flashbacks, Triggers, Self harm and Nightmares.

Always read at your own risks.

It's the day the day where Buck is going back to work after what happen he is still not comfortable about going in at the firehouse but Bobby made sure to him that they will go together,

While preparing Buck's phone suddenly vibrated.

Bobby: Hi kid. Heading for work?

Buck: We're about to go.

Bobby: I can't go in with you today I'm going to be a little late but Eddie, Hen and Chim will come with you.

Buck: I would be okay right?.

Bobby: Of course you will. I'll see you later and Athena says he will be dropping by at the firehouse to see you.

Buck: Alright. You guys take care and see you later.

The moment the call ended Buck felt like he was having a hard time to breathed he is trying to call Tommy but no sound is coming out from him. 

He sat down at the couch trying to calm himself but he really can't until he started shaking and crying. 

He was already turning pale and cold because of the panic attacks but Tommy is still upstairs.

Buck started to pinch himself hard enough and nails getting deeper that causes his skin to bleed and have nail marks. 

Tommy: Evan what happened?. Breathed with me okay.

Inhale.. Exhale.. 

Tommy: I heard you talking to Bobby. What happened after?.

Buck: He told me that he can't come in with me inside the firehouse because he will be late but Eddie, Hen and Chim will. After the call I had a hard time breathing but there's no sound coming from me. I tried to calm myself until I started shaking and felt cold. 

Tommy: And how about this one?.

Tommy pointed at the wounds that Buck got because he was pinching so hard.

Buck: I was feeling numb so I tried pinching myself to feel something and also I really needed to calm down. I'm trying not to hurt myself anymore in any ways but I just can't really handle it sometimes. 

Tommy: Hey, it's okay I'm sorry that I took long enough before heading down. Do you want to go now or stay a little longer?.

Buck: We should go. i don't want them to wait for long and you also need to go to work. 

Tommy placed a kiss on Buck's forehead and held his hands. 

_____________

Just like what Bobby said Eddie, Hen and Chimney are already waiting outside. They were all chatting when Buck and Tommy arrived.

Tommy: I'll wait until you get inside. 

Buck: It's fine they're with me.

Buck pointed the three who's waiting for him.

Tommy: I know but I will still wait until you get in.

Buck: Alright. Thank you and I love you. Stay safe at work I'll see you later.

Tommy: You stay safe too and avoid having hospital trips. Don't hesitate to call or text when you need me. I'll pick you up later. Don't wait outside I'll be the one going in.

Buck: Alright. I love you, Sunrise.

Tommy: I love you more, Sunshine.

Buck went out of the truck and the three hugged him all together.

Chim: Let's go inside someone won't go unless he sees Buck in already.

Eddie: I can tell that one.

Hen: Not let's go and catch up while Cap is not here yet.

Buck: He'll be a little late.

Eddie: So how are you? How was therapy going?.

Buck: Everything is going okay for now.

Chim: And the nightmares?.

Buck: Still nightmares.

Hen: Buck you know that we are here for you right?. The kids misses you too.

Buck: I know May keeps on messaging me and I miss them too but I don't want them to see me on that state.

Chim: Is that means you're allowing them to see you now?.

Buck: Yes.

Eddie: Chris would be happy.

Hen: How about a play date? You and the kids?.

All of them continued catching up while planning when the kids can see Buck.

_______________

After Tommy dropped Buck at the firehouse he went straight to Bobby and Athena's house where Maddie is also coming to talk about what can they do about Buck testifying in the court. 

Athena: LAPD needs to get another statement of Buck

Tommy: He already gave his statement when he was at the hospital why does he need to give another one?.

Maddie: Isn't the video enough?.

Athena: I already told them that but they told me that it will make the case stronger. Detective Ransone and I will handle it.

Bobby: So Buck will be interrogated and questioned again?.

Athena: Sadly he has too. I really don't want any of this but it's the court's decision.

Maddie: Can I come with Buck at the station?

Athena: they were suppose to call Buck at the station today but I told Detective Ransone to wait for my signal which he also agreed. Buck will be interviewed alone but we can stay outside. 

Tommy: When are you planning to tell this to him?.

Maddie: Tonight. I'll go to your house later. You can stay I'm sure he'll need you. 

Bobby: I really don't agree with any of this but if this is the only thing where he can get justice and assurance that they won't never hurt Buck again I'll try to be okay with it. But I don't think he will be okay.

None of them is really okay with the court's decision they've already seen the aftermath when it happened they are not sure that they want to see that again. 

It was a nightmare for them. A nightmare that they just want to forget but how they will if Buck needs to remember everything again from that day.

Bobby: Let's all go to work. Let's just update one another on what will happened. 

Tommy: Wait.

Bobby: What is it?.

Tommy: Can you check is wounds later?. he had a panic attack when you called he tried not to but he has no choice. 

Maddie: He hurt himself again?.

Tommy: He pinched himself a couple of times. 

Athena: How was it?.

Tommy: It will scar but it needs to be cleaned.

Bobby: I'll handle that one.

Maddie: I'll bring medicines later. 

Bobby: Now let's go.

_________________

Bobby: I'm almost their go inside the office and wait for me.

Athena: I miss you Buckaroo.

Tommy: I love you.

Maddie: I'll see you tonight.

The moment Buck saw the messages he went straight to the office and waited he inside he can notice that they were no sharp objects near him.

He really kept those. 

Few minutes later Bobby arrived holding some bandages with a worried look on his face.

Buck: What's that for.

Bobby: I think you forgot that you're wearing short sleeves and I can see that.

Bobby pointed out his wounds.

Buck: Oh no.

Bobby: You know how observant I am. Now stay on the couch and let me clean those.

Buck: I can do it. You don't really have to do this and here you go.

Bobby: You may not be my son legally but I always see you as one. So yes I have to do this and I will do anything just not to see you bleeding. 

Buck: Thank you for everything. I'll try harder next time.

Bobby: You take your time I will always be here to clean that up or stitch. Anyways how many blades do you have?.

Buck: Enough for me to have one a day.

Bobby: You go and change in long sleeves. 

Buck: Alright. See you at the kitchen.

_________________

They had some calls before lunch but those calls are normal for them.

After the last call Bobby went straight up to the kitchen so that he can prepare lunch and make sure that Buck will take his medicine without an empty stomach.

Tommy: Your medicines are in your bag don't forget about them.

Buck: Can I help?.

Bobby: Nope.

Buck: Come on I'm not gonna peel myself off.

Bobby: Just stay on the couch Kid and I know that you won't peel yourself off not on my watch but it might trigger you so no.

Buck: Okay. Can I watch?

Bobby: You're not really gonna give up don't you?.

Buck: Nope.

Eddie: Come here Bud let Bobby cook in peace.

Buck: Just wanted to help.

Chim: You are already helping him by staying with us. 

Hen: He's right.

While Bobby is cooking and the others are waiting for him Athena came.

Buck: I missed you.

Athena: How are you?.

Buck: I'm okay but it stings because he put ointment.

Athena: Guess he didn't allow you in the kitchen?

Buck: Absolutely.

Eddie: he's been trying but Bobby keeps saying no.

Bobby: Because I can do the cooking alone.

It only took a few minutes when Bobby finished cooking.

___________________

They ate together and talk about how their day was going so far. Everything is going great not until Buck felt uneasy again.

Athena notice that Buck was feeling uneasy because she remembered what Tommy told him so he looked at Bobby and gave him a signal.

Buck: Excuse me I'll just go down to get something.

Buck excused himself and Athena followed him.

Athena: Hey, what happened?.

Buck: Nothing.

Buck is pinching his sleeves but Athena stopped him.

Athena: You may not get wounds but you'll get bruises if you don't stop and you're shaking.

Buck: I felt this when Me and Tommy are at the beach. I feel like something bad is going to happen.

It's right when they said that Buck doesn't know anything yet but he is already triggered.

Athena stayed by his side when Bobby came to join them but the alarm rang.

Athena: I'll get going. You two take care.

Bobby: You seat on the captain's side I'll drive.

Buck: I'm okay joining the others at the back.

Bobby: Okay you stay on your seat at the back but let me know if you want to stay in front.

______________

Their shift already ended and every body is about to go home but Buck stayed inside the firehouse waiting for Tommy.

Eddie: Is Tommy gonna fetch you?

Buck: Yeah. just waiting for him.

Eddie: I'll wait with you.

Buck: Chris might be waiting for you.

Eddie: He's with Carla and I'm sure he will understand.

Chim: Can we join?

Buck: Sure.

Hen: So how's your first day back again?

Buck: It's okay.

Bobby: Tommy not here yet?.

Buck: We won't all be here if he is already.

All of them stayed inside with Buck waiting for Tommy and when he arrives he hurriedly went inside.

Tommy: I'm sorry I got late Sunshine. We ended up late at the last call.

Buck: You look tired, next time I'll just bring the Jeep.

Tommy: No, I'm fine.

Bobby: We should all head home now.

Chim: I'll go ahead because Maddie will go to Buck's and I'll be with Jee.

Tommy: Thank you for being with him.

_______________

Maddie: Uhm Evan can we go to the patio?

Buck: Sure.

Tommy: I'll be right here.

Buck and Maddie went to the patio but Maddie doesn't really know where to begin.

Maddie: Listen Evan, I really don't know how to tell this and as mush as possible I don't want but they want you to testify.

Buck: Maddie.

Maddie: Listen to me, I know that you'll say no but we really don't have a choice.

Buck: Are the evidences aren't enough? Why do I need to be seated  at a courtroom being judged.

Maddie: We already tried everything but they really need you there.

Buck: What do they want me to do?.

Maddie: Detective Ransone and Athena will invite you at the station tomorrow to get your statement. I know that you already gave them one but they want you to give again.

Buck: Another fucking hell.

Maddie: I'll come by at the station tomorrow.

Buck: I really don't want to do any of this. They will show that video again.

Maddie: I wish I could do more.

Buck: I guess I have no choice but to say yes and reminisce every nightmare. 

Maddie: Come on let's get back inside.

Buck: You go ahead.

Just like when Buck thought that everything is over here he is again having flashbacks.

We will just stop if you're dead.

We will you hate you forever.

You are only born to save him.

Buck doesn't really know what happened next because everything became black.

Chapter 20: Another Terrifying Time.

Summary:

Buck woke up having a heavy feeling he doesn't want to begin this day because he knows that it's not going to be a great day for him. He knows that he will be haunted by everything that all he wanted was to forget.

Notes:

Mention of Abduction, Implications of Self-Harm, Another Attempt, Self- Blame, Trauma's, Anxiety, Depression, and Nightmares.

Always read at your own risks.

Buck woke up having a heavy feeling he doesn't want to begin this day because he knows that it's not going to be a great day for him.

He knows that he will be haunted by everything that all he wanted was to forget.

Tommy: You're finally awake.

Buck: What happened?.

Tommy: You pasts out at the patio after talking to Maddie. You also had nightmares throughout the night.

Buck: I don't wanna do those things. But I have to.

Tommy: I'm sorry that you need to get through this again.

Buck: No other choice.

Buck forced himself to get up and started preparing because as Maddie told him Detective Ransone and Athena will get him to come at the station.

It's one of Buck's hated place. He hates going to the station because they always make him remember the things he was trying to forget. 

He hates that he need to tell every detail that happened to his life.

Thinking that he has to do everything again he already feels suffocated and trapped in a dark place.

Buck: I'll be needing the box.

Tommy: The one that has your drawings?.

Buck: Yes. I'm sure they'll also asks about those.

Tommy: Evan, are you really sure that you'll do this?

Buck: If I only have a choice I wouldn't. I never want to any of this again

Buck can't do it anymore he started lashing out while Tommy tried his best to calm him down.

Athena and Detective Ransone arrived at their house but Tommy excused himself to get Buck.

Tommy: I should warn you as early as now he is already terrified and already in a dark place. He already lashed out which is why I need to go up now.

When Tommy got back he can see that Buck is still crying but what hurt him the most are the words that he heard from Buck.

This is all my fault.

I want to die.

I don't want to live anymore.

I'm so tired.

If I was only able to save Daniel I won't be here. 

Tommy doesn't know what to do his heart is aching for the love of his life. Buck never deserved this but life is so cruel that made Buck to suffer like this.

Tommy: Evan it's time.

Buck: I'll see you later. I Love You.

Tommy: I'll be here with you today and I Love You too so much.

Buck: Go to work.

Tommy: Evan.

Buck: You go to work. I don't need you to do this with me all the time. 

Tommy: But I want to.

Buck: Can you just go to work. 

Tommy: Okay, you calm down. I'll go to work just like you said.

Tommy went down first and started shaking his head which the two understood because they heard how Buck yelled.

Tommy: Please return him alive and in one piece. He is really not doing well. 

Athena: I will.

Buck: Let's go.

They all heard Buck and started walking out not glancing to any of them.

________________

Tommy: I will come to you just tell me when I have to.

Maddie: I want to come with you but they told us that you are the only one allowed. Athena will be with you.

Bobby: I'll see you later. You don't have to go in today.

Eddie: We have your back.

Chim: Just tell us if  you need anything.

Hen: We love you. 

After reading the messages he didn't respond to any of it he turned off his phone and just glanced to the person in front of him.

When they arrived at the station Athena guided him into the interrogation room and has no choice but need to Buck alone because they have to settle everything before talk to him.

Athena: I'll comeback very quick. I'm sorry.

Buck only nodded and didn't say a word.

Few minutes later Detective Ransone came in while Athena is outside.

Detective Ransone: Good Day, Buckley. I'm sorry but we have to do this again. Did you bring it?.

Buck: Here.

Detective: Okay we need to start from the beginning.

Buck: Which means I'll be 5 again.

Buck just gave Detective Ransone a cold tone and only speaks when he is being asked. 

They know that it's really hard for him that's why they understand all his actions.

While Buck is still inside Athena texted Bobby, Maddie and Tommy.

We all need to be with him later, Just the four of us. This is really not good.

After sending the message she kept her phone and went back to the room where Buck and Detective Ransone is still talking.

Detective Ransone: Will you tell me what happened to that?.

The detective pointed his tie up marks that happened when he was 5.

Buck: They used to tie me when they are not in a good mood. Sometimes they will tie me up into the abandoned house and left me for days without anything. 

Detective Ransone: When did they stop doing this?

Buck: When I went here but I don't think they stop because they abducted and hang me.

Detective Ransone: Do they hurt you always?.

Buck: Yes. The first 4 years wasn't so bad but when I turned 5 that's how I felt that hell in my life is starting.

Athena is still outside looking at the two persons inside but when she noticed that Buck is having a hard time she called Detective Ransone signalling him to take a break.

Detective Ransone: Why don't we have a short break. I'll buy some food you haven't eaten yet.

Buck: I don't want anything.

Detective Ransone: I'll be back in 30. 

________________

Bobby is spiraling at the firehouse waiting for updates regarding Buck when he saw Maddie and Tommy.

Chim: Hey how is it going?.

Tommy: it's not good. He started yelling earlier and he is really lashing out.

Maddie: Did any of you talk to him?.

Eddie: He didn't replied to any of us.

Bobby: Athena said Buck turned off his phone. He wasn't really talking except when he is being asked. They gave him a short break but Detective told Athena that it's not going well. Yes he is responding to every questions but Buck is not in a good phase.

Tommy: Everything is dark for him again.

Hen: Chim, Eddie can you help me carry this out.

Hen knows that the three needed to talk so she pulled Chim and Eddie.

Tommy: He is in a pretty dark phase. 

Maddie: Did he hurt himself?.

Tommy: No.

Bobby: Athena said he yelled at you?.

Tommy: Yeah, I was suppose to take an off at work today but he told me that he doesn't need me all the time. When I went up after I opened the door when Detective and Athena came I heard him saying that he doesn't want to live and he blames himself for everything. It was a mess.

Bobby: Even at the station.

Maddie: This will get messier when he goes to Hershey.

Tommy: I'll come with him.

Bobby: Who wouldn't?

________________

Buck was left alone when Athena entered the room. 

He knows that someone entered but he didn't look who it is.

He was just staring at the table while letting his tears flow freely.

Athena: Is it okay if I stay?

Buck: I want to be alone until he comes back.

Athena: Are you sure?.

Buck: The only thing I'm sure right now is wanting to die.

Athena: Buck.

Buck: Please. Just leave me alone.

Athena went out and she saw that the Detective is outside.

Detective Ransone: I don't know what the country of Hershey is thinking to make him do this.

Athena: He is not doing very well. I'm pretty worried.

Detective Ransone: Everything is heavy for him. He was still so young when Philip and Margaret started making his life a hell.

Athena: Where did the two of you ended?.

Detective Ransone: Him saying that the first 4 years wasn't bad and he felt hell at 5. It means that they were hurting him since he was 1 or who knows and he can still remember it.

Athena: It wasn't really opened up and when he tried to heal another wound will open.

Detective Ransone: I must come back now. We still have a lot to talk about.

Buck: You went back early.

Detective Ransone: Do you need more time?.

Buck: No.

Detective Ransone: Okay let's proceed.

Buck nodded.

Detective Ransone: What can you remember when you were a kid?.

Buck: Everything. They always tell me that they hate me. That I will be alone forever. 

Detecive Ransone: Will you tell me what you feel about this.

Detective Ransone showed Buck the video that made the younger devastated once again.

Buck: It feels hell. I was hung up by a metal cuffs. My hand tied with duck taped and twisted together before putting me those cuffs. My feet being duck taped too then they put those chains. It was really cold. My eyes and mouth also covered. They removed everything that made me feel colder. It was torture. Did you watched that full? I know that its streamed to the people around me but there's something more.

Detective Ransone: We can stop.

Buck: No. We already started so let's keep going.

Buck breathed and continued.

Buck: The stream only lasted a few minutes but the passed days of me being abducted are the worst. After they hang and tortured me while standing they tied me up into a cold metal seat. They kept on electrocuting me until I feel week. That lasted for I don't know how long because it feels like forever. After that they hung me up again and tortured more. They have thin burned stick that they poke to me over and over. I begged them to stop and let me go but they only said that they'll only stop if I die. If all of you didn't come I might be gone now.

Detective Ransone doesn't know what to say and when he looked at Athena she is crying after hearing everything.

Buck: No one knows this but they filmed hell in my phone.

Buck send the video to the Detective and turned his phone off again.

Detective Ransone: You should go home now. We will come with you. 

Buck: I'll book an Uber I'm sure that you'll need them here.

Buck stood up and went out, Athena was suppose to follow her but Detective Ransone stop her.

Detective Ransone: I'm the one who booked Uber. I need you Bobby, Maddie and Tommy here.

Athena: You called them?

Detective Ransone: There on the way.

_________________

It only took half an hour when Bobby, Maddie, and Tommy arrived at the station.

Bobby: Where is he?

Detective Ransone: I sent him home together with an officer. He will look at Buck until all of you comeback. 

Maddie: What happened.

Detective Ransone: Follow  me.

The Detective showed them the video that Buck sent to him.

Athena: Where did you get this?.

Detective Ransone: Buck sent it. His parents used his phone to record everything maybe to make his life hell forever.

Tommy: And they fucking succeeded.

All of them watched the video from start to finish and each one of them has tears on their face. They didn't know that Buck has it.

Tommy: That's why he is always like that. 

Maddie: We need to go now.

Bobby: Let's go I'm having a bad feeling.

______________

Athena: You can go now. Thank you.

Tommy went upstairs because the officer told them that Buck stayed in bed but he was terrified when he got up.

Tommy: Bobby, Athena, Maddie.

Buck was on the side if the bed conscious but his wrists are bleeding left and right. 

They are also wounds in the other parts where his parents used to hurt him.

Tommy: Evan drop the blade.

Maddie: Evan please.

They are all sobbing none of them knows what to do.

Buck: Maybe if I put another wound I'll forget what they did. Do you see this it's a memory from hell. 

Buck pointed to the marks where he was cuffed and cut into it.

Bobby: Evan drop the blade now. 

Athena: We are here let us help you.

Tommy: Do you want to call Eddie?.

Buck: No. All of you should leave.

Maddie: We're not going to do that.

Tommy: Evan give me the blade and the phone now.

Buck: So you could delete this? It's my punishment for not saving Daniel.

Maddie: It's not your fault. 

Buck: I think you're just saying that because you don't want me to die.

Athena: Evan please.

They are all trying their best but Buck doesn't care about any of it what he wants right now is for the pain to stop. 

Tommy: Evan I promise that no hospitals just give that to me.

Buck: I said no.

Evan yelled.

Maddie: Evan they don't know how precious you are and it's their lost.

Buck: All I ever wanted was to be loved but what did I get?. This and all of it.

Buck pointed every wound and his scattered drawings on the floor.

Bobby: None of us can't take it if we will lose you so please listen to us.

Athena: I know this is hard but you will always have us.

Maddie: Evan please I love you and I don't want to lose you.

Tommy: You are the reason why I feel alive again so please, Evan.

Buck made another cut before surrendering his phone and blade to Tommy. 

Bobby: I'll get some clothes.

Maddie: He needs IV.

Tommy: Stay with us. 

They all help Buck to be transferred in bed while Maddie and Bobby checked all the wounds.

Bobby: He needs to be monitored.

Maddie: As the case is not done this will get worst.

Athena cleaned the floor while Tommy is beside Buck who fell asleep.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm so tired.

It's another nightmare not only for them but mostly for Buck.

Bobby: Call Doctor Copeland and schedule an online emergency session. I'll take my off tomorrow.

All of them decided to take an off the next day so they can be with Buck and accompany him to his session. 

This is one of the scariest moments of their lives but as long as its Buck they don't care what should they do just to keep him alive. 

Chapter 21: Heavy Days.

Summary:

As they all wait for Buck to wake up they decided that all them will be with Buck until the trial at Hershey is done. They want to stop it but they really have a choice.

Notes:

As the trial and case continues Everything will be harder for Buck.

Mentions of Self - Harm, Self Attempt, Self Blame. Nightmares, Anxiety and Panic attacks, Depression.

Please read additional tags.

Always read at your own risks.

Buck had nightmares throughout the night, All of them decided to stay beside him. 

Buck was on IV and needed blood but as they promised they didn't bring him to the hospital they just made some calls so that Buck will get everything that he needs without spending any time at the hospital.

He was still asleep until he had another episode. 

Buck woke up feeling pain but the moment he opened his eyes he started crying. 

Maddie: Hey it's okay.

Tommy: We are all here. 

Buck: I need Doctor Copeland. 

Tommy: You have an online session later. We will be here if you want.

Buck: Yes please. 

Bobby: Don't try standing up yet.

Athena: I'll get you some food before your session starts.

Tommy: Bobby and I will be downstairs.

Maddie and Buck left alone but none of them spoke.

Buck: I'm sorry for scaring you.

Maddie: I should be the one apologizing to you. 

Buck: This is not over yet.

Maddie: Yes.

Buck: I'll try my best to make it to Hershey without any of this. 

Maddie and Buck are still talking when the other went back.

Athena: Thought that we should all have a meal together.

Buck: Don't you have work?

Tommy: Before you push us away, no we don't have work. we requested 3 days off and we all got approval.

_______________

Few moments later Buck started his session with Doctor Copeland.

Tommy is in his right side and Maddie was on the left while Bobby and Athena are with them too. 

Doctor Copeland: What happened?

Buck told everything and Doctor Copeland prescribed him with some medicines and also some follow up sessions she also talk to others about how should be Buck taken care of. 

After the session Buck wanted to talk to Tommy while Maddie processed all the prescriptions that his brother will need. 

Tommy: You scared us again.

Buck: I'm so sorry.

Tommy: We will always understand you and when you go to Hershey we will be there too. We will face this together. 

Buck: Are you mad?.

Tommy: No one is mad, Evan.

Buck: Even them?

Tommy. Yes tho Bobby raided your stuff to fine all the blade and also he instructed the firehouse  that all sharp things will be kept and will only be handed to you by his permission. 

Buck:Now I don't have supplies.

Tommy: Evan

Buck: Just trying to make a joke.

Tommy: We will talk about this later but I want to asks why didn't you tell us or me about the video?.

Buck: Because I don't want all of you to get hurt. Watching and remembering those are painful and I don't want anyone of you to get through that as well.

Tommy: No matter how painful is it I won't mind you can always share your feelings with me. 

Bobby: Kid can we have time with you?.

Tommy: I'll help Maddie with the prescriptions. 

________________

Buck: Heard you raided my stuff and confiscated my supplies.

Bobby: If you still have some surrender it now. I don't want to raid your stuff again.

Athena: I don't want to lose you.

Buck: I'm so sorry.

Bobby: Kid I know that everything really hurts right not that everything is also hard for you to believe but like we always say me and Athena will be here. We will do everything for you to get justice.

Athena: We will also here for your recovery.

Bobby: Kid, You should let Eddie know if you can't we can do it for you. He's your bestfriend.

Buck: Okay. You can call him but you'll tell him. I really can't talk about it anymore.

Athena: You don't have to. We know that the case is crashing everything right now but we will be with you even in Hershey.

Bobby: Before you protests we already talked about it. 

Tommy and Maddie went up holding his prescriptions and another set of IV.

After changing the IV Maddie, Bobby and Athena waited for Eddie while Tommy is with Buck.

Maddie: Eddie's coming?

Bobby: Buck told me to tell everything which includes the video.

Athena: Buck is asleep right now. 

Maddie: Hope he won't be having any nightmares.

Few minutes later Eddie arrived at Tommy and Buck's place.

________________

Eddie: Why are you all looking at me like that? Where is he?.

Bobby: Resting.

Eddie: And Tommy?.

Athena: He's with him. Buck is not allowed to be alone right now. 

Eddie: Now somebody tell me what's happening that I needed to be pulled out.

Maddie: Prepare yourself.

Bobby place the tablet at the table and played the video to Eddie. 

Eddie is still confuse with what's happening but as he watches the video he can't help but to cry.

Eddie: How did you know?.

Bobby: He kept it to his phone. 

Athena: It took a long time for him to be ready to tell everything to you. But he can't do it anymore so we will be the one to say it. 

Athena, Bobby and Maddie told everything to Eddie he is still confused but he understood where Buck is coming from. 

They are still talking when they heard Buck's voice.

Don't tie me here.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

That hurts.

Let me go.

I should've lived.

For the first time Eddie heard his best friend having nightmares.

Eddie: Since when did this started?.

Maddie: It's been a long time even the self harming. 

I don't like it here.

This isn't my fault.

Don't hit me.

Please. Please. Please.

Don't trapped me here tied.

As soon as they heard another scream they all went up and saw Tommy trying to wake Buck.

_______________

Tommy: Evan wake up.

Eddie: What happened?

Tommy: He's having nightmares and a high fever.

They all tried to wake Buck up and few minutes later he did.

Buck: I had a dream that they hung me when I was 6 at the abandoned house. It's scary and all I can feel is pain and some insects biting me. 

Bobby: Shhh you are safe.

Buck: Eddie...

Eddie: Hey if you'll apologize you're forgiven already. 

Athena: You still remember everything about what happened and some of them are going back. I know that this will be so hard and I don't know how to ease the pain but you can cry to me anytime you wanted.

Bobby: But for the mean time your alone time will be limited.

Buck: Figured.

Buck: Where's my phone? Did you deleted it?.

Maddie: Evan..

Tommy: We didn't but you can't also have your phone. 

Buck: Few weeks back they called me via landline. Saying that I won't be at peace.

While Buck is confiding somebody knocked on the door. 

Eddie came to open it and he saw a Box that is named for Evan.

Eddie: This came at the door but I saw no one. 

Bobby: I'll open it. 

The moment Bobby opened the box Buck became pale and tears are starting again he is shaking and having a hard time to breathed.

The box is full of Evan's worsts nightmare and a bloody dead rat that has a note.

Even we are locked up we will make your life hell.

Athena: I'll call LAPD.

Bobby: We need to transfer Buck.

Buck: At my loft..

Buck didn't ended the least of his loft incase the they might need it which Tommy agreed that's why he wanted to go back there.

Athena: You're room is still at the house. You and Tommy will stay with us for now. 

Bobby, Maddie, Tommy, Eddie and Buck went to the Grant - Nash house while Athena continues with the investigation.

It's only a day but a lot keeps on happening that makes everything hard on Buck. 

He became a lot more silent than usual and while on their way he wasn't speaking to anyone even Tommy. 

Things for him are just getting worse. 

 

Chapter 22: Dark Days.

Summary:

After what happened last night Buck was awake all night. He was suppose to be resting but he can't sleep. He is still on IV because it's the only way that they can keep him hydrated.

Notes:

I added additional tags because it gets heavier and heavier.

Always read at your own risks.

After what happened last night Buck was awake all night.

He was suppose to be resting but he can't sleep.

He is still on IV because it's the only way that they can keep him hydrated. 

Tommy tried to feed him but he doesn't want to.

Tommy: Evan, You haven't ate anything since last night.

Buck was just just staring at Tommy but he wasn't responding. 

Tommy saw this side of Buck before but this time is much worsts.

Bobby: How is he?

Tommy: He hasn't sleep yet. He's not responding either he is just like that and then will start tearing up. 

Bobby: He was so traumatized.

Tommy: How's the investigation?.

Athena: They wanted to interview you, Eddie and Buck but I told them that Buck can't do it. He is not in a good state. 

Tommy; I can't leave him.

Athena: Don't worry Detective Ransone will come here to talk to you and Eddie. 

They are all inside but Buck wasn't really responding. 

Tommy went outside to get Buck's medicines while Bobby and Athena was left.

______________

Bobby: Son, I know this is hard but please continue your life. I need you with me.

Athena: You are Buck and you never give up so please don't do it now. 

Bobby: The 118 will always be open for you. I'm not used without you with us. 

Athena: What happened last night wasn't your fault and we are doing everything that we can. A lot of battles will come but please baby hold on. 

Bobby: We've never seen you like this before and it breaks our heart that our son who's always happy and positive is like this. No matter how many times we need to say that we are here and you have us we will never be tired of reminding you that.

Athena: When it comes to your breakdowns, mood swings, nightmares, and everything we understand and we always will. We don't care if it will took you a long time to heal. We don't care if we need to be with you all the time. What's important to us is you and will always be you. 

Buck was starting to cry even Bobby and Athena. 

But before Buck can see them two went out as soon as they saw Tommy.

Bobby: We will be back in a minute. 

Tommy: Sunshine, You can't have your medicines if you won't eat. Please eat even a little. 

He tried giving Buck food but he avoided it.

Tommy: Evan, Please. Don't do this to yourself. I know how hard it is but it's also hard for me seeing you like this. Don't you try pushing me because no matter how many times you'll do that I will always come back to you. I am here for you and I won't go anywhere.

Still Buck didn't respond.

Tommy: You've been crying for how many days now. You're sick and you need to be better but how will that happen if you don't wanna eat?. 

Tommy tried feeding Buck again and this time even if he wasn't stop crying he looked at Tommy and accepted the food that his boyfriend gave. 

Tommy: I didn't put much so you can finish this one. Later we'll eat together. It's okay if you don't respond for now I will still talk to you and give you assurance. 

After Buck finishes his food Tommy gave his medicines and which will make him sleepy. 

Tommy: Go take some rest. I will be right here when you wake up. I promise you that. 

_______________

While Tommy and Buck are inside the room Maddie and Eddie arrived and saw that Bobby and Athena are at the living room consoling each other.

Maddie: How is he?

Bobby: He finally ate but he hasn't spoken yet.

Athena: Tommy was the one who fed him and after he drank his medicines he fell asleep. 

Eddie: How about Tommy?

Bobby: He won't come out because he promised Buck that he will wake up still with Tommy by his side. 

Maddie: What do we now about what happened last night?.

Athena: Detective Ransone is on his way here for the interview but Buck won't be included.

Maddie: Can we not do anything about him testifying?.

Athena: We'll talk to Ransone later and see what he can do. 

While they are discussing matters about Buck they heard some scream inside and they already knew what is it. 

Put that away from me.

It's bleeding. 

I'm Bleeding. 

Stop.. I'm begging stop..

Get me out of here.

And once again their hearts sank again for Buck. He is in deep pain but all they can do is to be with him but sometimes they think that it was not enough.

He has so much trauma that he hasn't talk about yet.

The screaming stop and Detective Ransone arrived.

Detective Ransone: Where is Buckley?

Athena: He's sleeping. This is the only time that he feel asleep.

Detective Ransone: Have you talk to him?

Bobby: He's not responding since on our way here. 

Eddie: What are we going to do?

Detective Ransone: I'll interview you, Tommy and Maddie since all of you are there I won't bother Buckley anymore none of this is helping. Regarding the court in Hershey I'm still trying my best but it's not easy. Where's Tommy?

Athena: He can't leave Buck. You go with us first and then we'll see if you can talk to Tommy. 

Each one of them are interviewed by Detective Ransone and when it's Tommy's turn they checked if Buck's awake already. 

Bobby: Son, Tommy neds to go for a minute. 

Buck didn;t respond but he held Tommy's hand tighter and doesn't want to let go. 

Tommy: I'll stay here. Are you okay with the detective interviewing me here?.

Buck nodded.

Tommy: Are you sure?.

Buck nodded again. 

After the interview Maddie went inside to see his brother but just like what the others said he is still not talking. 

Maddie: Hey heard that you already ate. Which is good. 

It wasn't an easy day for everyone because Buck didn't respond yet but they were hoping for better days. 

__________________

It's been 2 days but Buck hasn't still respond to anybody yet. 

He was taken off from IV because he's already eating. 

Bobby, Athena, Tommy, Eddie and Maddie already went back to work but with flexible schedule so that someone will be with Buck. 

Buck is on indefinite leave. 

Bobby: Tommy what time is your shift?

Tommy: I already filed my indefinite leave. I know he wants me to go back but seeing him in this state I don't know if I can focus at all.

Bobby: You are right. Just call if you need anything. 

Tommy: I'll let you know if there will be changes. 

Bobby: Will go ahead kid, see you later. 

Athena: See you later, baby. I love you. 

Bobby and Athena left for work while Tommy guided Buck outside so that he could feed him. He can't leave Buck alone inside the bedroom. 

After eating Tommy returned Buck in the bed room to have some rest. 

Tommy: Take a rest now Sunshine. 

Buck: Sunrise. 

Tommy: Evan oh my god. 

Tommy was so happy hearing his boyfriend's voice again. 

Buck: I don't want to sleep.

Tommy: What do you want?.

Buck: Tell me a happy memory.

Tommy nodded but before starting he picked up his phone and informed everyone about Buck's progress.

He already talked. 

Tommy: My happy memory is when I met you I used to be alone but the day that we met I felt alive. It gave me hope for new beginnings and I think that's my happiest memory. 

Buck: Don't you regret meeting and moving in with me?.

Tommy: Why would I because of what you're going through? I'll be so stupid if I do that. You are an amazing person Evan and what you're going through won't change any of that.

Buck: Promise.

Tommy: Promise. How about you? What do you want to do next?.

Buck: Spend the day with you at the mountains. 

Tommy: Camping?

Buck: yeah. 

Tommy: Okay we will do that.

Buck: You should go to work.

Tommy: I will when you get better. 

Buck: Can you tell me about your family?.

Ever since that they got together Tommy was always focused to Buck he's the one who is always there for him whenever he needs him but this time Buck wants to no more about him. 

Tommy: My family isn't that good but it made me stronger. They're the reason why I learned to be alone but you coming into my life? Everything has changed Evan. You're the one  who made me feel that I don't need to be alone again.

Buck: But ever since you met me things are hard. Everything is a mess until now. All I did was to make you worry. 

Tommy: Things might be complicated and heavy but I will always be by your side until I see you smile and laugh genuinely again. It may be hard for us but we know that it's indescribable for you. 

Buck: Thank You. 

____________

Days had passed but instead of having better and lighter days everything has been darker most especially to Buck.

The nightmares has been worsts. He barely sleeps not unless he takes the medicines that will make him sleep.

Panic and Anxiety attacks always happens and his depression are getting worsts.

Everything is not doing well but they are all holding everything together for Buck.

Tommy remained in Buck's side even if Buck is convincing him that he should get back to work but Tommy doesn't want not until Buck is okay.

Buck already wants to get back hoping that it could help him forget for awhile but Bobby and Athena insisted that he should take more time. 

Buck: I want to get back to work.

Bobby: I miss you being at the firehouse but no.

Buck: Am I fired?.

Bobby: No. I told you, you are on indefinite leave.

Buck: When can I comeback?

Bobby: We will talk about that later.

Athena: You take a more little rest okay?. I'll be home early so we can have time together.

Buck: Isn't that a bother?.

Athena: And since when having a time with you is a bother?.

Buck: You're working and you don't have to go home early just to spend time with me. 

Athena: I think that's my decision to make and I'm taking you out so no more buts. 

Bobby: What about me?.

Athena: You have to figure that out.

Buck: And Tommy?.

Tommy: I'll meet with Eddie.

Buck: Okay. Guess I'll have some time with Athena.

Tommy: Yes you will, No why won't you two go to work.

The two left while Tommy helped Buck.

Buck: I can do this now.

Tommy: I know but you don't have to.

Buck: Where do you think Athena and I will go?.

Tommy: I don't know either but wherever it is you're safe because you are with her. She won't let anything happen to you. 

The couple stayed at the living room when Maddie came.

____________

Buck: Maddie, aren't you suppose to be at work?.

Maddie: I was on the way but I need to talk to Tommy.

Buck: About what?.

Maddie: About Chim.

Buck: Okay then, I'll be at the room.

Buck went inside the room to give Maddie and Tommy some space.

Tommy: This is about Evan. You won't be rushing here this early if it's not.

Maddie: Bobby and Athena left?.

Tommy: They just did but Athena will come home early to have some time with Evan. 

Maddie: They're going out?.

Tommy: Yeah, Athena has plans already. Now tell me what's happening?.

Maddie: They need Buck to be in Hershey next week.

Tommy: Please tell me this is a joke.

Maddie: We both know that I won't be this early if it is a joke.

Tommy: He is still recovering and all now he has to be there sooner?.

Maddie: I know.

Tommy: I was planning to propose to him tonight which Athena, Bobby and Eddie already knows. I don't want to lose him.

Maddie: Was suppose to tell him tonight but it can wait.

Tommy: Come here later but you have to talk to Athena and Bobby. 

Buck: Aren't you done yet?.

Tommy: Come here now Sunshine.

Tommy placed  a kiss on Buck's forehead and caress his hair.

Maddie: You two really look good together. I should get going. I love you, Evan.

______________

After Maddie left she messaged Athena and Bobby.

I came by at your house but Tommy said you already left he also told me that he's proposing tonight. 

They want Buck to be in Hershey next week. 

They know that it won't be easy but they don't have a choice the court needs Buck to be there. 

Bobby: Have you received what Maddie sent?.

Athena: I did and I am worried. Buck will be happy because of the proposal than he'll be sad again. 

Bobby: That's what I'm thinking about too. 

Athena: That kid already been through so much but it doesn't feel like its getting lighter. 

Bobby: I know and as much as we want him to be away from it we can't do anything which also sucks.

Athena: I need to get going I'll heading back home now so you and the others will have time while I will be having time with our son.

Bobby: Now I'm jealous. 

Athena: You should be.

_____________

Buck and Tommy spent their time together by Buck attending his online session with Doctor Copeland, Watching movies with Tommy and Cooking.

Buck: Next time I should be the one slicing these.

Tommy: I don't want Bobby to slice me so just deal with the different sizes. 

Buck: These potatoes should be equally shape in square.

Tommy: They are square but cuter. 

They were having a good time when Buck suddenly went to the living room. 

Tommy: It's okay Sunshine.

Buck: It's becoming dark again.

Buck has dark days some times it happens the whole day but most of the time it happened when he is having a good time.

Tommy: It's okay. We can do it again next time.

They decided to stayed at the living room when Athena arrived.

Athena: What happened?.

Tommy gave a sign to Athena which she immediately understood.

Athena: Baby you should get change.

Buck: I will. Be back in a minute.

Athena: What happened?.

Tommy: He was teasing me about the potatoes when he suddenly ran in the living room. He felt dark. 

Athena: My poor kid. Thank you for being here and I'm happy about what you're planning tonight.

Tommy: Thank you also for agreeing.

Buck went out and the two gave him an assuring smile. 

Athena: Let's go.

Buck: See you later Sunrise.

Tommy: See you Sunshine.

______________

it's been awhile since Buck went out aside from hospitals and firehouse. 

The last time he went outside is before the accident which is more than a year already. 

Buck felt happy going out but he can also feel anxiety is starting to hit him. 

Athena: It's okay I will be with you.

Buck: I just feel nervous it's been awhile since I went out aside from the usual.

Athena: I know that's why I wanted to do this with you.

Buck: And I thank you for that because I don't really know what would I do if I'll be alone or something.

Athena: You don't have to do this things alone anymore. It may be hard to believe but you will never be alone anymore, Baby. 

Buck never felt so assured before but ever since Bobby, Athena and Tommy gave he felt secured.

The two continued looking around when Athena received a message from Tommy.

Tommy: Everything is set.

Athena told Buck that they should get back because Bobby will be cooking dinner which the younger felt excited.

When they arrived home Buck was wondering why the lights are off but they are cars outside he was about to asks Athena but they both proceeded inside and Athena opened the light which he was surprise seeing their family and close friends.

Buck: What's happening?.

Tommy: Sunshine, You are the best thing that ever happened to me you made my life brighter and I don't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone but you. Things may be so hard and difficult right now but I will always be here for you to lean on. You have me and you will always will. I don't care if we need to stay awake together as long as I see you safe and happy. You are my priority and you will always come first. 

Evan Buckley will you marry me?.

Buck doesn't know what to feel but the only thing he knows is that he also wants to spend the rest of his life with Tommy.

Buck: You made me feel how to be loved and secured. You never left even if things are getting harder and darker. I've pushed you away but you never left. I may be damaged now but I want you to see the better version of me too. Yes Tommy Kinard I will marry you. 

Tommy: I love you.

Buck: I love you.

The others started saying their congratulations while Bobby and Athena went to them.

Bobby: Take care of our son Tommy.

Athena: And if you don't like it anymore just return him to us.

Tommy: I promise to the both of you that I'll take care of your son and I won't return him because he is mine. 

Everyone felt happy also Buck but no matter how much he avoid it he feels that something is going to happen because he is happy.

 

Chapter 23: No Other Choice.

Summary:

Maddie will already tell Buck about him going to Hershey.

Notes:

I'll try to make things easy for Buck but I can't really promise that.

Always read the tags.

Always read at your own risks.

The last two days ever since the proposal are doing great.

Tommy went back to work and Buck is also back but on light duty.

Everything is good for now but Buck has always this feeling that it won't last because for him, His happiness will always be replaced by pain. 

Bobby: Kid, you are cleared for duty but you will be under my supervision. 

Buck: I know that will happened. 

Tommy: Take care okay?. I will fetch you later.

Buck: You don't have to.

Tommy: But I want to.

Athena: Okay love birds we have to go to work. 

Bobby: Athena and I will talk first you two go ahead.

Tommy and Buck went out while the two of them are left inside.

Athena: What is it?

Bobby: Is it still possible that we can adopt Buck?.

Athena: I'm not sure but we can check on that.

Bobby: I want to legally adopt him but if it's okay with you, May and Harry also Maddie. 

Athena: You don't know how much I want him to be our son legally. We'll talk to May and Harry too. 

Bobby: Maddie?.

Athena: We will also talk to her but she needs to talk to Buck about Hershey. 

Bobby: Yeah, she didn't talk about it yet and it's nearing.

Athena: We will figure this out but we need to go now.

---------------

Buck: Cap, Tommy and I decided to move out but we are moving into a new house. He doesn't want us to come back at the old one.

Bobby: Because it will trigger you. Did the two of you found a new home?.

Buck: We will look at our options tomorrow.

Bobby: Alright. Let me know if you need help.

Buck: Thanks and Cap.

Bobby: What is it?.

Buck handed Bobby what he was holding.

Bobby: Kid. What did I told you?.

Buck: That's why I gave it to you.

Bobby: That's appreciated. 

As they all went back to work everyone is catching up.

They had several calls and there is a major one.

Everything went well at work and while everyone is having their own time Buck decided to went up at the rooftop.

Buck knew that Bobby will look for him but he just needs time to be alone.

Why is it hurting?.

I feel hurt.

Everything is hurting.

I'm okay but why do I feel this way.

It shouldn't be.

Buck started to breakdown and screaming in silence. 

No one is with him that's why he let everything out.

Bobby: Kid what happened.

Buck: How.. How did you find me?.

Bobby: I always check on you right? When I went to the bunks and at the mezzanine you weren't there so I figured that you'll be here.

Buck: Everything hurts. 

Bobby: Where?

Buck: Inside. It's hurting inside but I shouldn't feel this one. 

Bobby: That's valid and okay I'm here. Why won't we try to take some rest?.

Buck: Okay. Thank You.

______________

Athena went home first because she needed to talk to Maddie about the adoption and about Buck going to Hershey then she and Bobby will talk with the kids tomorrow.

Maddie: They are all still at work?.

Athena: Yes.

Maddie: What's wrong?.

Athena: Me and Bobby talked about adopting Buck legally. 

Maddie: Adult adoption?.

Athena: Yes and we want to asks you if it is okay with you.

Maddie: He deserves to have parents who loves him and you two made him feel that way so yes it's okay for me but it will always depend on him.

Athena: Thanks. Bobby and I will talk to the kids tomorrow while Him and Tommy will look for there options.

Maddie: New home?

Athena: Yes. Bobby mentioned that they will move out soon. 

Maddie: I see.

Athena: When are you going to tell him Maddie?.

Maddie: Tomorrow. I really don't want to do this but I have no choice. 

Athena: If we can only do something we won't need to wonder. 

While Maddie and Athena are still talking they  noticed that the door opened and when they check who is it it's Tommy. 

Tommy: Hi

Athena: Where are they?.

Tommy: On there way home they just needed to stayed a little. 

Maddie: I should go now Chimney might be home already. I'll see you tomorrow night.

Athena: Take care.

_____________

When Bobby and Buck arrived home they noticed that Buck is silent and they are stills tears on his eyes.

Athena: How did your day went?.

Buck: Okay.

Bobby: Kid why won't you go upstairs but open the door a bit.

Buck: Okay.

They all looked at Buck when he was going up they felt that something was wrong.

Tommy: He had an episode?.

Bobby: He did.

Athena: What happened?.

Bobby: We were resting and when I checked on him I couldn't find him at his usual spot then I found him at the rooftop he said that everything hurts. Emotionally.

Tommy: I should go talk to him.

Athena: We need to talk to you.

Bobby: We are planning to adopt him legally before the wedding. We want him to have parents who'll walk with him in the aisle. 

Tommy: As long as it's about him being happy I'm okay with it. But what did May and Harry said?.

Athena: We will talk to them tomorrow. 

Tommy: Let me know if you need help. I'll go to him now.

Athena: We will come with you. 

When they went to the room they saw Buck sitting at the side of the bed.

Tommy: Hey, Sunshine. Mind if we join you?.

Buck: Only if you will all give me a hug.

All of then hugged Buck and he felt home. He doesn't always feel it but he felt safe.

Maybe everything hurts for him right now but the moment that Bobby, Athena and Tommy hugged him he felt safe. 

Buck: Thank you.

Bobby: Anything for you. 

The day ended with them having dinner together and exchange conversations about Buck and Tommy's plans and also about the wedding. Everything went great but when Buck was trying to sleep he started having flashbacks again.

Will these ever go.

__________________

Buck and Tommy left the house early while Bobby, Athena, Harry and May are already at the dining table.

May: What are we going to talk about?.

Athena: You know that Buck is like your sibling and our son right?.

May: Not by blood but yes.

Bobby: We want to ask you both if it's okay with you if we adopt him?.

Harry: Is that possible?.

May: Adult adoption? 

Athena: Yes.

May: It's better to have another sibling and besides Buck is family so why make it not official right?.

Bobby: Harry?.

Harry: It's okay with me. He loves us and we love him.

May: Does he know?.

Athena: We are telling him later because we wanted to know what you decide first.

May: We should get going so that you can talk to him about it. I'm sure he will be happy after everything.

Bobby: You two take care.

_______________

Bobby: Is it okay if you two come home?

Buck: Bobby texted me asking if we can go home now.

Tommy: Tell him yes.

Buck: Do you know why?.

Tommy: No, but it looks important and we are done looking at the house too.

Buck: Yeah but are you sure that you don't want to split the payment with me?.

Tommy: I'll handle everything while you decide for the design and furniture.

Buck: Sounds like a plan.

When they arrived home Tommy excused himself so that the three could talk.

Buck: Is everything okay?.

Bobby:  Yes we just want to asks you something.

Athena: Is it okay with you if we adopt you legally?.

Buck: Adult adoption? But my parents are still alive.

Bobby: They didn't acted like one and we already consulted this at the court.

Buck: How about Harry and May?.

Athena: They will be glad to be your siblings.

Bobby: Are you okay with it?.

Buck: Yes.

Athena: Do you want to change surname:

Buck: You both stood up as my parents so I'll be glad to have your surname. 

Bobby: We will process everything but for now we need to handle something.

Buck: Is it the Hershey trial?.

Athena: Yes but Maddie will be the one to talk to you about it.

As they were talking about it Maddie arrived. 

_______________

Buck: They told me that the Hershey trial should be handled.

Maddie: Yeah. They want you to be in Hershey by next week.

Buck: Why so sudden?.

Maddie: They want to end the trial already and not just for them but for you as well. 

Buck: You will be with me right and them?.

Maddie: Yes we will.

Buck: I don't really want this but you're there so I'll try. 

Maddie: Sorry.

Buck: No other choice but to unwrap the pasts and face them again.

Maddie: You won't be going at the house.

Buck: I know. Inform me or them about the flight. For now I want to sleep.

Maddie: Okay.

Maddie left the room and Buck wasn't really going to sleep he just wants to cry without Maddie seeing it. 

I was right my happiness always comes with sadness.

Maybe I should visit the abandoned house. 

Thoughts are going all over Buck until he fell asleep without him knowing that Tommy is already beside him.

I won't let you do things alone.

Chapter 24: Abandoned House.

Summary:

Buck, Tommy, Maddie, Bobby and Athena all went to Hershey.

Buck visit the abandoned house which will make him remember everything.

Notes:

This chapter will be about Buck going to the abandoned house and having more flashbacks from his painful pasts.

Always read the tags.

Always read at your own risks.

They arrived at Hershey a day before the trial.

Maddie needed to go at the county while Buck, Tommy, Bobby and Athena stayed at the hotel. 

It's still early so they decided to have some breakfast and rest but Buck has something in mind.

While the couple are resting at the other room Buck checked if Tommy was awake and when he noticed that he is asleep he went out of their room carefully no to wake his fiance up. 

Buck went to the abandoned house where he was used to be tied up. 

He knows that he shouldn't be here but he wants to face them. 

Before going inside he felt heavy and uncomfortable but he still went in. 

The moment he went in he started to see his younger self. But what hurt the most is he only remembers when he was 5 but what he is seeing is a 1 year old Evan crying. 

He can see the 1 year old Evan crying none stop alone in the dark.

I was trapped here ever since?.

Buck can't believe what he saw how can someone do something to an innocent child.

As he continues seeing the 1 year old Evan he can also see Philip and Margaret hitting the kid. 

The kid was tied up and the mouth was covered with handkerchief.  

You stay here little bastard.

Now no one could here you.

Buck was trying to remove what he was seeing but it is still there.

How could someone do this to a 1 year old?.

As Buck sees the 1 year old even tied and silently screaming until he falls asleep and the parents will comeback at in the afternoon few minutes before Maddie comes home from school.

Come here useless child Maddie can't know this.

He saw how Philip grabbed the kid while the kid just follows the orders. 

Everything is coming back to him and everything gets clearer and heavier. 

_________________

Tommy woke up without Buck on his side so he tried checking where he is but he really can't find him.

He tried calling him but Buck left his phone at the hotel.

Tommy went to Bobby and Athena's room hoping that he's there. 

Tommy: Is Evan here?.

Athena: We just woke up and no he's not here. 

Bobby: Did you check at Maddie's room?

Athena: Maddie isn't here yet.

Bobby: Try calling him.

Tommy: He left his phone. 

Athena: Where could he possibly be. 

They looked everywhere but their is no sign of buck.

Tommy: The abandoned house. 

Bobby: What?.

Athena: It's where he as always trapped. 

Tommy: I'm sure he's there. 

____________________

Buck is still seeing everything none of it was good.

I was tortured ever since.

He thought that he won't be seeing the 2 year old Evan but it looks like he will see everything about it. 

1 year old Evan already suffered much but the 2 year old is much painful as he sees it. 

29 years and my life has been a living hell. 

Buck thought that he won't remember any of it anymore but as he stayed longer everything suffering that he experienced before is coming back to him. 

If I was not here I am at our basement.

He went to their house and went to the basement where everything continued to appear on him.

He sees the 8 year old Evan who was locked up while Maddie thought he was just sleeping at his room.

Every memory made Buck feel weaker but he wants to see everything. 

He left the house and went back to the abandoned house. The memories continued on coming back to him that made him feel a complete nothing. 

Buck doesn't know what to feel he is really in pain he wants the memories to stop coming back but it keeps going on. Until he heard someone calling him.

Tommy: Evan!

Tommy, Bobby and Athena looked for him it was dark which makes them harder to find him.

They heard sobbing sounds and went there immediately.

All of them saw where Buck was. He is sitting at the spot where his parents used to torture him. 

Tommy: Evan.

Buck: I remember everything. I was tied here ever since I was one and sometimes at the basement where they'll tell Maddie that I was only sleeping.

Buck told them everything.

They don't know how Buck will get through tomorrow but the only sure thing that they know is that they won't leave him. 

Visiting the abandoned house and their house made him remember everything but now Buck wishes that he could just forget or it didn't happen but it won't be possible.

The only thing he knows is that the pain and suffering will only end when he's gone.  

 

Chapter 25: The Trial and The End.

Summary:

The trial day came but even if it succeeded Buck still feels that they won because they really destroyed him.

The adoption starts.

Buck already got the peace he's been wanting.

Notes:

Always read the tags.

Always read at your own risks.

Tommy: Maddie wants to talk to you.

Buck: Where is she?.

Tommy: Outside waiting for your decision.

Buck: Okay. But stay.

Tommy: I will. 

Maddie: Why did you go there?.

Buck: I want to find answers and now I regret them. It hurts Maddie. Now I understand why you don't know anything.

Maddie: I'm really sorry, Evan.

Buck: Should we go now?. I want this to be over.

All of them went to the courthouse and Detective Ransone is also with them. 

Bobby: We will be right here okay.

Athena: Do you want us to schedule your session?.

Buck: I don't any sessions for now. 

As they all waited outside the courtroom Buck is feeling nervous.

He doesn't know what will happen and he doesn't know how to face them now that he remembered everything. 

Few moments later they are already called in.

Philip and Margaret looked at him without any emotions while Maddie sat on Buck's side. 

As the trial begins and the witnesses are giving statements Buck can't avoid not to feel scared because he can be called anytime to seat on the witness stand. 

Judge: Evan Buckley please proceed at the witness stand.

As Buck tells everything he feels suffocated and every breathed that he does is just going harder and harder. 

Athena noticed it that's why she called Detective Ransone's attention who's with Buck's lawyer.

As soon as Detective Ransone got Athena's message he immediately talk to the lawayer.

Lawyer: I think that's all Mr. Buckley.

The trial went over for an hours until the judged gave his decision. 

Judge: Philip and Margaret Buckley are proved guilty. Mr. Evan I will help you with the adoption process.

All of them are happy and while Philip and Margaret are on their way out they stopped in front of Buck.

I never treated you as a son.

I regret carrying you for 9 months.

Bobby and Athena immediately went to Buck and they left the courthouse. 

___________________

As they planned they are all back to LA.

Buck and Tommy will stay at the loft until their house is done.

Bobby and Athena will start the adoption process and Maddie will come over to the loft.

Buck: I'll drive.

Tommy: Evan.

Buck: No.

Bobby: Call us if you have to.

Athena: Buck. You did great and we're so proud of you. 

Buck: Thank you for being with me. About the adoption process do I need to do anything?.

Bobby: No. We will handle everything. 

As they arrived at the loft Buck went straight at his bedroom then Tommy and Maddie followed. 

Maddie: They will never hurt you again. It's done.

Buck: It is far from done for me. They may not able to reach out to me anymore but every pain and memories are still here. 

Tommy: We will be here to help you. 

Maddie: I'm happy that you'll be having a new family. 

Buck: I'm happy about it too. 

Maddie: I'll go now. Chimney is there already.

_________________

Tommy: Once we finished the house we can start adding some stuff.

Buck: It only needs a little renovation so I think we can start putting stuff?.

Tommy: That's a good idea.

Buck: We can start during our off.

Tommy: Yes. But now drink your medicines and get some rest. You've been through a lot these past few days.

Buck: I Love You.

Tommy: I Love You. 

________________

The past months are going well the house is almost done and the adoption is almost done as well.

They are just waiting for the final documents before it becomes official. 

Everything is going to plan and they only hope that it will lasts.

Everyone has been doing well but not Buck.

He always goes back at the beginning no matter what he does he always go back at the beginning. 

Tommy: I have some news for you later. Good news.

Buck: I'll wait for that.

Tommy: See you later, Sunshine. 

Buck: See you

In another life sunshine. 

Buck and Tommy both have work but Buck's schedule will end earlier that his fiance.

Today everything will end.

Buck is in a good mood. Well that's what everyone knows.

_____________

At the firehouse Athena and Bobby are waiting for Buck outside. 

Buck: Hi.

Bobby: We have to tell you something but later.

Athena: We will go at your loft later.

Buck: Is that a good news?.

Athena: Yes son it is. 

I wonder what that was.

Buck: Alright see you then. 

Bobby: How are you kid?.

Buck: Fine I guess.

Bobby: Do you have something?.

Buck: Nope. I don't.

Bobby: That's good.

This is one of the busiest days at the firehouse but Buck also misses it.

As the their shift ended Buck immediately said goodbye and went home. 

_____________

As Buck arrived at the loft he locked the doors.

I really can't do this anymore. 

He started drinking tequila and then he grabbed all his prescribed medicines and took it all into his system. 

He already feels dizzy but he is still conscious enough to cut himself over and over. 

 I'm finally having peace.

Buck gasped for the last time before everything went black for the final time. 

Tommy: Bobby, Athena why are you here?.

Bobby: the adoption is already approved.

Tommy: We have two good news. The house is already done.

Athena: That's great Buck will be happy today. 

The moment Tommy opened the door he felt uncomfortable. 

Bobby, Athena and Tommy saw Buck on his own blood and also the medicines.

Buck is already pale and cold he has no pulse, no heartbeat.

Bobby: I'll call 911.

Maddie: Bobby?.

Bobby: It's Evan dispatch 118 at the loft now.

Athena: Baby please wake up.

Tommy: Sunshine please don't do this. We will still end up together. 

Bobby: I told you Kid I can't lose you.

The 118 and Maddie arrived and they all froze when they saw Buck.

Maddie: No. No. No. Evan.

Hen: How long it has been?.

Bobby: We don't know but when we came he has no pulse anymore. 

They tried everything just to get Buck back but their is really no pulse.

Buck is already gone.

Hen: Time of death 19:50.

All of them started sobbing. Tommy was shaking Buck hoping that his fiance will wake up.

Tommy: Sunshine please I told you I'm here. 

No one knows what to do and the only thing they know is that Buck won't feel pain anymore.  

 

 

Chapter 26: Things that Buck Left.

Summary:

This is the end of What Buck Wanted.

Notes:

Always read at your own risks.

Hen and Chim took Buck's body at the ambulance while Tommy, Bobby, Athena and Maddie went with him.

Maddie: I don't know how to start.

Tommy: I know this is not the right time but I still want to marry him before the day comes.

Bobby: We will plan that.

Tommy held his fiance's hand while he caress his hair.

Tommy: You're free now Sunshine. You can rest now. Be happy okay?. I will be right here. 

Tommy: Do you know why I call you Sunshine?. Because like the song You make me happy but they took my Sunshine away. I love you so much.

Bobby: Kid, The adoption got approved today you are legally ours. 

Athena: You are Evan Jacob Nash now. 

Maddie: You can use that for the memorial. 

Everyone are sobbing in pain but they know that Buck fought for the longest time. 

All of them are at the hospital even the other members of the 118.

The Doctor declared again that Buck is gone and told them that he will go straight to the morgue.

Tommy went with Buck holding his hand then the others followed. 

Tommy went in with Buck because he wants to be alone with his fiance. 

Tommy place his hand on Buck's head and sang.

Tommy: You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are gray, you never know dear how much I love you so please don't take my sunshine away. 

Tommy sobbed after singing the last line. He's Sunshine is already gone. The love of his life. 

______________

They are all outside when Tommy went out still sobbing.

Tommy: You should go in Maddie.

Maddie nodded and entered the morgue with Chimney and Hen.

Maddie: You've been strong for the longest time. You've been tougher than anyone expected and now Evan you can now rest. No more pain and nightmares. It's painful losing you but we also know how you hold on. You had a good fight, Evan. I will miss you and I love you.

Hen: Hey kid, we may not know everything but we know that you are a fighter. We love you always. Rest now.

Chim: Buckaroo it's been a long fight. You may rest now. We will miss you.

Maddie: We should give Eddie, Bobby and Athena a chance to talk to him before he's being processed.

The three of them went out and told Eddie that he should go.

Eddie: Bud, How will I tell this to Christopher?. How will I tell him that his Buck is gone. You saved him but I didn't save you. How will I explain this to him Buck?. I should've been their with you. This hurts so much Buck. 

Tommy entered to get Eddie as both of them are still sobbing. 

Tommy: Bobby, Athena you should go now they'll take him soon.

Athena: Baby you just look like you're asleep. 

Bobby: Maddie agreed that you are Evan Jacob Nash now. 

Athena: It hurts but we want you to know that we are proud of you. Thank you for fighting. I'm sorry that the world has been cruel to you.

Bobby: You will always be Firefighter Evan Jacob Nash of the 118. I don't know if I can work without you but I know that you want me to go on. 

Athena: We have to leave you alone for now but we will see you soon. We love you so much our baby. 

Everyone already left to tell the devastating news to there loved ones while Maddie, Chimney, Bobby, Athena and Tommy went back at the loft to fix everything that Buck will need for the funeral. 

_______________

Tommy look at Buck's clothes to look what suit he should wear until he saw the suit that he was suppose to wear for the wedding. 

He took of the suit out of the closet and sat down on the bed but on Buck's side.

Tommy: He was suppose to wear this at our wedding but he will use it now for his funeral. 

Everything hurts for Tommy he doesn't know how to get going but he knows that Buck wants him to do this. 

Maddie: Tommy, When do you want the wedding?.

Tommy: Can we do it at the day he will be brought at the Chapel?.

Maddie: Yes you can.

Bobby: Athena and I will walk him in the aisle just like we planned before. 

They are all planning the funeral but it feels different that they couldn't here Buck.

Everyone is having a hard time to process what happened. 

_____________

Eddie came home seeing Christopher and Carla at the living room.

Christopher: Hey Dad.

Eddie: Come here dad has something to tell you.

Christopher: I can see Buck now?.

Eddie looked at Carla and tried to hold everything together.

Eddie: Buddy, We will see Buck but you can't play with him anymore.

Christopher: Why?.

Eddie: He will be resting now. He's gone bud.

Christopher: This is a joke right dad?. I will still see Buck?. Buck will still play with me?.

Eddie: I'm so sorry Chris.

Christopher: Dad this can't happened. 

Eddie: I know but he needs to rest now. 

Eddie tried to calm Christopher but the kid is also in pain.

_____________

Hen arrived at her house when she saw Karen And Denny.

Karen: Is everything okay?. Why do you have blood?.

Hen: It's Buck. He's gone. 

Karen: Hen come here.

Hen: He's been suffering and now he let go. We didn't save him. We always save others but we didn't save one of our own. He always saves everyone but no one saved him.

Hen is sobbing while Karen is trying not to fall apart. Her wife and his son needs her now. 

Karen: It's not your fault and I'm sure that's what Buck things too. I'm really sorry to what happened. 

Hen: I won't see him laugh anymore. I won't see him again.

_____________

It's been 2 days since Buck was gone and it's the day that he will be transferred at the Chapel. 

Tommy was hugging Buck's sweatshirt while he was remembering the memories that they had together.

Tommy: Sunshine today's our wedding day. Bobby and Athena will walk you down the aisle. 

Since Buck left everything has been hard for Tommy but he should keep going not for himself but for his Sunshine. 

He started preparing so that he can see Buck.

Tommy and the others already arrived at the Chapel they are on a wedding set up.

As the doors open they saw Bobby and Athena on the both sides of Buck's casket. As the couple walks their son on the aisle everyone started crying once again.

Bobby: Today's you're wedding day kid.

Athena: You will be Kinard soon. Evan Jacob Nash-Kinard. 

When they arrived at the end of the aisle Tommy opened the casket and kissed Evan.

Tommy: You look pretty Sunshine. 

The ceremony started and everyone is silent.

This shouldn't be the wedding that we have.

Bobby officiated the wedding.

While Tommy said his vows.

Tommy: I remembered the first time that I found you is when you are trapped inside the building no one knows that was me but since that day until you were brought at the hospital I always visit you but I make sure that no one sees me. Until Chimney introduced us to one another, by that moment I already knew that I want to spend my life with you. For you, you are the darkness but for me? You are the light. You are my sunshine who makes me bright and happy. My Sunshine, Evan I really don't know where to begin not that you're gone but I promise you that I will fulfill that list that you want to do. You will always be a part of me. Thank you for giving me the chance to love you. Maybe in another life Evan we will find each other again. I love you very much.

As Tommy ended his vow everyone became more emotional and as Bobby ended the ceremony everyone is still silent.

Bobby: I now pronounce you Husbands.

Maddie: Do you want him to use his surname?.

Tommy: How about Bobby?

Maddie: They are okay with it.

Tommy: Evan Jacob Nash - Kinard. Damn that sounds good. 

Maddie: Yes it is. 

Christopher: Hey Buck, Dad told me that you're resting now. I miss you but dad told me that its time. I love you.

May: I will miss you. Wished we spent the time a little longer. 

Each and everyone of them are talking to Buck.

Buck may not notice but he is loved by everyone.

______________

Few days after the ceremony Tommy started to fix Buck's things.

He saw all the drawings that Buck told him before. The hidden gift and a box full of letters with names on it.

To my Sunrise. 

Tommy opened the letter and read what was written.

My Sunrise,

If you are seeing this I'm pretty sure that I'm gone because the box is hidden somewhere that only you can find. I'm sorry that I won't make it to our wedding. I'm sorry that I won't be living with you at the new house but please stay there. You are the best thing that I ever had and I will always be thankful for that. Please give the letters to them. I don't want to say goodbye this way But I don't want you to see me anymore when I'm having an episode. I tried to kept going but the pain gets deeper and deeper. I may not be with you physically but I will always be with you. I love you and I hope that we will be together in another life.

- Sunshine. 

Tommy sobbed while he was hugging the letter but he also continued looking at the things that his husband left. 

Things I want to do with Tommy.

Watch Sunset and Sunrise.

See him smile.

Wake up next to him. 

Stay at the beach alone with him. 

Spend time with him at the mountains.

Tell him that I will stay with him forever.

The list kept going on and Tommy kept the letter.

Tommy: Sunshine I'll do this. 

___________

Tommy: He wants you all to have this.

Tommy handed the letter and they all opened it together. 

Bobby: Oh Son. I miss you so much.

They are at Buck's grave. They spend most of their time here telling stories of what happened.

Evan Jacob Nash - Kinard.

Tommy touch the name and placed a kissed on it.

Tommy: I miss you so much.

Athena: I miss you baby.

Maddie: You never fail to give me this, Evan. 

 

Evan's passing might be painful but he left beautiful memories to those who matter to him. He may not have a wonderful life but he had wonderful people. Maybe it's the end for Evan but in the next life it will only be his beginning. 

 

Notes:

As this story ends there will be a next one related to What Buck Wanted.