Chapter Text
Carina ached, deep down in her bones. Everything was too soft — from the way her eyelashes felt against her eyelids, to the way her blanket seemed to catch on her foot in Maya’s bed. She was too long for this bed. She was too much, everything was too much.
Maya was doing her level best to make a balance of a shifting schedule and Carina’s needs — Carina knew she was lucky to have Maya at her side. Carina couldn’t imagine Arizona managing to spread herself so thin and be so good about it.
Arizona Robbins was not Maya Bishop though, and therein lies the difference. Her Maya seemed to thrive under pressure.
Carina wished she was half as lucky. She felt like she was breaking — past the point of ever being restored. She stretched, her ankle hitting the bed frame and causing her to flinch; she didn’t cry out. She couldn’t. She was still so numb. If she opened her mouth to roar in pain, she knew she wouldn’t stop.
Not yet.
Not ever.
Knock, knock. Carina looked up, a blank expression on her face – only to have that expression turn puzzled. Maya was standing in the door frame, her captain’s hat leaning haphazardly on her head. Carina wished she could find the beauty in it. She was so sick and tired of not being able to see past all the pain that Andrea left in his wake.
“ Che ci fai qui ?” Carina asked, eliciting a confused look on Maya’s face. “ Dispiace… .sorry. What are you doing here?” Carina tried again, this time in English. “I thought your shift started at eight.” She locked eyes with the clock. It was a quarter past.
“It did.” Maya answered, her eyes impossibly soft as she made her way over to Carina’s side. Carina watched as if she were out of her body as Maya took hold of her hands. “The thing is, I realized something as I was headed to work. You’re here.” Oh. Carina wished she could feel the joy that Maya’s words brought her. Maya continued. “I took a leave of absence. Get packed.”
“Wha– Maya, what are you saying?” Carina was confused. A leave of absence? Maya Bishop? It didn’t make sense.
“Well …” Maya hesitated, squeezing Carina’s hands and bouncing on the heels of her shoes. “You have to take Andrea home, so I thought… I thought I’d go with you.”
Impossibly, emotions cut through Carina’s haze of numbness at Maya’s words.
It was like the fog lifted, as thick as it was, and Maya’s face was beaming at her with uncertainty in blue eyes. “You don’t have to let me come,” And now Maya was talking again. Carina struggled to listen. “—but I thought you could use someone at your side. I booked the tickets, we leave tonight, but I don’t have to go.” Carina felt like she had cotton in her ears, in her mouth. She could hardly function like this.
“You’ll help me carry Andrea home.” It wasn’t a question, but Maya nodded nonetheless. Carina was breathless as she whispered, “ bambina….” And released Maya’s hands to take her face in her palm. “What about your job?” The haze had lifted enough to give her anxiety. Great. Wonderful.
“I’m carrying you, if you let me. Andy gets it. And honestly? I would miss you too much to let you go on your own.” Carina’s face fell, her eyes not quite able to meet Maya’s. “I mean, if you want to go by yourself, you can. But I’d miss you.” Maya quickly added. “A lot.” Her words were sheepish, but Carina wasn’t listening anymore.
“Maya… Mia bambina… You’re perfect.” The words rushed out. “I’ve always carried the weight of my family on my own.” She said, as if it were a fact of life. But as she made eye contact with Maya, she realized it didn’t have to be. The haze still threatened to envelop her, but Maya had raised her hand to cover Carina’s on Maya’s face.
“You don’t have to bear it alone. Ti amo, Carina DeLuca. When I put this here, I made a vow to you.” She traced the ring on Carina’s finger. “A promise to choose you always. This is me doing that. Please let me.”
“ Ti amo, bambina. Si. I will let you.” Carina said, a tear escaping for the first time in two days. She was warming to the idea of not being alone in the fight for her life. “Come with me. I will show you Italia .” Carina murmured. Maya made eye contact, swimming in the depths of Carina’s brown eyes.
“Our flight leaves at nine, so we have to be at the airport by seven. Can you be ready by then?” Maya went straight into it. Carina nodded, so Maya continued, “I can pack for you, but you’ll need to pick your clothes out.”
“ Grazie, bambina. That would be nice.” Carina said softly, her voice merely a whisper as she stood in front of Maya in awe.
What Maya said next surprised her. “I talked to Gabriella. She’ll meet us at the airport with her car so we don’t have to worry about taking a taxi.”
“ You talked to Gabi?” Amusement dared to creep up on Carina’s voice.
“...I talked at her.” Maya confessed. “Found a translation site and texted her. I’m trying. You’re gonna have to carry me on the speaking part.”
“Maya Bishop.” Carina didn’t say anything else. Really, she didn’t feel the need to.
Evidently she should have, because Maya was nervous. She tried, “I know… I’m going overboard. But I’m trying to take care of you. You’ll have to let me off this time, ‘cause I’ve never done this before.”
“You’re perfect, bella.” Carina said. “You’re going … what is this phrase? You’re going farther than I thought possible.” Above and beyond… Carina continued. “I’ve never felt….” Emotion took over her voice, held it captive for a long second, before she finished: “so loved.”
Maya’s face could have lit up all of Seattle. “Good.” That was all that needed to be said. That was the whole goal. Maya grabbed the suitcases from under their bed, and started pulling clothes out of the closet.
Carina quietly went to work, choosing her wardrobe for the trip. “How long are we going to be gone?” Carina asked, when she finally noticed Maya basically upending the laundry basket onto the bed.
“I bought one way tickets.” Maya blurted.
Oh. Oh. If Carina hadn’t given Maya her heart yet, well, that was it. She was a goner. “How long can you stay?” Carina could barely believe what Maya was saying.
“I … erm.” Maya hesitated, and Carina felt the hazy fog coming for her again. But it evaporated with Maya’s next words. “I told Andy to reach out to the Embassy, so that I could stay busy at the fire station in Sicily. I’ll stay as long as you do.”
“ Bambina ,” was all Carina could manage to say for a long few minutes.
Long enough that Maya was starting to speak again and internally panicking. Carina could see it on Maya’s face, in her body language - the way her body tensed as if ready to defend herself.
“I will need to eventually stay busy, but not for the first two weeks or so— I told her – I told Andy… I’m on call for you the first two weeks. Then I’ll probably go insane if I don’t have firegasms monthly or so. But I’ll stay at your side as long as you want, I promise, Carina,” Maya said earnestly.
“ Grazie, bambina .” Carina couldn’t focus on anything but the rise and fall of Maya’s chest. “Thank you. You’re uprooting completely on a whim for me, and I… I don’t…. I’m not—” she started to spiral.
But Maya, her glorious firefighter, handled the situation with grace and finesse. As always.
“You would do it for me, no?” Maya asked simply, Carina then reached out and grabbed her arms. Maya let out a soft sound of surprise, but allowed the touches. More than that, Maya held Carina as Carina finally started to fall apart.
“No one ever puts me first.” Carina sobbed.
“That changes, starting today. I promise, Carina.” Maya said earnestly, rubbing Carina’s back as she sobbed. Diane Lewis had served her well, and now Maya was ready to love fiercely and without restraint. Carina had no idea what was coming her way, all the adoration she had in store.
—
The rest of the day was spent packing and making arrangements, and just.. Letting herself be. Maya gave her a glass of water every half hour, as if by clockwork. It probably was on Maya’s clipboard to keep Carina from dehydrating, and Carina fell just a little bit more in love.
As they walked the length of the airport, hand in hand, Carina couldn’t stop herself from squeezing Maya’s hand. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Are you sure you want to choose me? It goes unsaid, but Maya heard it loud and clear.
“ Sono con te . I’m with you, Carina.” Maya gave the airport stewardess her passport. Then she grabbed Carina’s hand and squeezed thrice. I. Love. You.
Carina sniffled, nodding. “I’m with you, too, Maya.” All she had wanted for so long was to be chosen, and now that she was, she felt unable to trust it. Regardless of Maya’s choice, Carina was with Maya. Always.
“I know, baby.” Maya promised. “This is me giving back.” Maya said. She ushered her wife into an uncomfortably firm airport chair. Their flight was scheduled to board in five minutes. “Diane gave me a lot to think about these past months. A relationship doesn’t always have to be fifty-fifty. Look at us, you know? For so long, you gave more than me. Now it’s my turn to step up. I will hold you up, Carina.” Maya’s voice was convincing. Carina wanted to believe.
“I… Ti amo, bambina.” Carina prided herself on always knowing what to say, but at Maya’s selflessness, she found herself speechless.
“I love you too, babe.” Maya promised. They boarded the flight together as the stewardess called for them. Carina held onto Maya’s hand tightly as the plane lifted into the air. To Italy, and beyond ! Maya thought in amusement. She kissed Carina’s head as it fell to the rightful place on Maya’s shoulder.