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Qui-gon says “He's the chosen one, he will bring balance to the force.”
Anakin hears “He is the only one who can do this and that is his only value here.”
Qui-gon says “He must be trained.”
Anakin hears “Everything rests on him.”
Anakin knows responsibility, he's seen it in his mother and he never wants anyone to have to shoulder the burden.
But Anakin's mother only had the responsibility to him and now he holds responsibility for the entire galaxy she was beaten and starved, he knows she was, Anakin is almost scared to find out what will happen.
Obi-Wan says “I will leave the order to train him myself if I must.”
Anakin hears “I would take this burden from you if I could but no one can, I can only prepare you.”
Obi-Wan says “You can leave the order if you want.
Anakin hears “You can't run from it.”
Anakin has visions of his mother's death at Tusken hands and he tells Obi-Wan they are only nightmares, he doesn't want to believe them, Obi-Wan tries to sooth him as best he can and Anakin folds the feeling away and deep, deep down until he can barely feel it.
When it becomes too much and Padmé agrees to check he finds he is too late. He knew and didn't act, this is his fault.
Anakin smiles at Padmè, there are no tears in his eyes they are not just a sign of weakness he can't afford but a waste of water.
His mother is dead because of him, he had the responsibility and he failed it.
Obi-Wan, the only one who hasn't lied to him about the immensity of the burden or treated him differently, is hostage to a people about to sacrifice him to bloodsport. Padmè agrees to go again and Anakin makes another mistake.
Guards are dead to his blade and he has just started a war.
Anakin understands now. He understands why every spar with Obi-Wan always relies on endurance, why all the lessons focus so much on staying alive, why everything seems to go wrong on missions only for Obi-Wan to pull him out of it. The training wasn't so he could change anything because Anakin may be the Chosen One but that doesn't mean he has agency. It just means he's the crux point. Anakin finally understands what the Jedi mean when they say that The Force is Master of them all.
Anakin knows Masters, is used to them even.
The Force is a cruel Master.
Anakin just hopes he's perfect enough that it doesn't take everything from him.
Talking with Palpatine used to be okay. He complimented Anakin on his actions, he said he never expected anything less. Anakin thinks that the force and Palpatine must communicate somehow they both expect so much from him.
Anakin smiles and nods as Palpatine talks, he says many things that Anakin doesn't agree with and says Anakin could change so much, the man clearly hasn't realised that Anakin has no power no matter how strong he is.
Anakin smiles and smiles and smiles and smiles and laughs and laughs and pats his men on the shoulders and calls his padawan Snips… and calls his padawan Snips? The cheer has dulled the days so much. Anakin doesn't think he could feel sad about any of his men dying. He doesn’t know who gave him Snips but he doesn't want to know if he'd fail to cry over her too.
Anakin is happy. Anakin is fine. Anakin would cry if Obi-Wan died.
Anakin is a lying liar who lies.
Mortis happens and Snips, Ahsoka, dies in his arms to his blade. Anakin has to fight now to laugh. He isn't sad, he's trying to not laugh over the corpse of his sister/daughter. Anakin already knew he was powerless, it's Obi-Wan who actually defeats the Son, it's Obi-Wan who talks the Daughter into reviving Ahsoka. Anakin wasn't sad. Anakin didn't mourn. Anakin was perfect.
He's looking in the mirror with tears streaming down his face. He never wanted to know, he can't forget. Ahsoka, Snips , was dead in his arms and he didn't care . He remembers what it was like to care, he remembers crying over his mother's body in that desert. What would that be like now he wonders, why won't he cry over the people he loves, why can't he care right anymore? Why? When did he stop?
Anakin moves on
no he doesn't
he is fine, he is perfect, he is happy. The smile on his face feels like part of ot now, not even Obi-Wan could tell when he wanted to collapse or vault the table to strangle a nat-born with the rage of a thousand suns. He didn't, he wouldn't, he can't change anything.
Every light that winks out is Anakin's fault, it's all on him. He is the crux, the Chosen One, all of this is his fault.
Ahsoka is sent away, framed for a crime she didn't commit. Anakin didn't stand up for her, he could have, this is his fault he wasn't there. Even when he has power he is powerless.
The Chancellor is taken and Anakin kills Dooku. Nothing changes, Anakin knows he is powerless.
Padmè loves him. Anakin doesn't think she knows the truth. She should run from him but Anakin can't find it in himself to do anything. She loves and she deserves nice things. Anakin will give her all the love that he can muster even when it will never be enough. She deserves better than him and Anakin can only hope she realises it.
Obi-Wan says “The war is winding down.”
Anakin hears “This trial is almost over.
Obi-Wan says “We haven't found the Sith lord yet.”
Anakin hears “The worst is yet to come, be ready.”
Anakin dreams of his wife dying in childbirth. Anakin reads all he can about it and he knows that even if he knew how to do all this he almost certainly won't be there when his children are born anyway. Anakin tells her of her fate; she tells him that she is okay with it and that he cannot take that choice from her.
Anakin knows he has no power, maybe Padmè knows too.
Palpatine calls Anakin to his office. Mace Windu is locked in combat with him.
Palpatine says “The Jedi are traitors.”
Anakin hears “Here is the trial.”
Palpatine says “The Jedi must be executed.”
Anakin says “But I'm powerless.”
Mace Windu kills the Chancellor in his office and he explodes in a swell of dark energy.
Mace thanks Anakin for his help, for fulfilling the prophecy and balancing the force.
Anakin has done nothing but fail. He has not had any agency in his life. The Force is his Master and Anakin doesn't think that he can escape.
So he smiles and smiles and smiles and smiles and laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs.
Anakin is found dead in the lower levels of Coruscant. There was a note left for his wife and children. Like and Leia are ten and with many aunts and Uncles to look after them.
The note tells them about a long mission their father has gone on, it tells them that he knows he won't be there for a long time so he arranged for letters and gifts for their birthdays.
On code the note only has one message for his wife and friends.
I'm sorry. It was always me.