Chapter Text
Balarisi honestly doesn't know how many days passed yet she was still in the sultan's room. Even when the man had to leave for some meetings, he demanded that she wait there for him. The pervert even forbade her from taking off the chains or putting anything on except a robe, 'Pervert.' This only caused more problems because every time the sultan saw her with the chains, he would go crazy and pounce on her like a wild animal.
She didn't think that this body chain would have such an impact, even bigger than the ring which had been mostly forgotten until now. When Balarisi woke up she was still a little dazed since she had been fucked nonstop last night until she passed out. When she opened her eyes, she saw the man laying by her side inspecting the ring that Balarisi thought had been a failure. The man held the ring like it was some fascinating yet fragile puzzle he wanted to desperately figure out.
All this time, the ring had simple laid on the bedside table like discarded keys that became useless once inside the house. "Do you like it?" She asked, her voice was so low and hoarse that it was barely audible but it got the man's attention. "They got the gem wrong," she added with a pout, the man simply smiled and kissed her on the forehead. "It was supposed to be an emerald so it matched the other ring," she explained, although the truth was another one.
"Get it with a blue gem that matches your eyes but tell him it was the wrong one. This way whenever he sees it, he would think of you and not her."
She thought about Emine's words and mentally smirked as she saw the moment the man connected the dots, looking from the ring to her eyes. "Are you not jealous that I gave her the ring?" The man wondered, seeming to be inspecting the ring but she could see him looking at her from the side of his vision.
"No," Balarisi declared honestly because she was not much of a jewelry kind of girl mainly because she was never allowed to be. She had found an earring once and been so excited to be like the other girls in her school but her mother had cruelly ripped it off her, the blood didn't stop gushing for hours, she had only been nine.
"Emine scolds me because I sometimes lose earrings or take off rings to play with the children and forget where I put them," instead of continuing with honesty, Balarisi decided to go the cute route, looking at the man sheepishly. The sultan chuckled and kissed her forehead with a tender look in his eyes.
"Why am I not surprise."
"Plus," she added, "I always knew that you would never be mine to keep." She gave him a bittersweet smile, "and while it sometimes hurts, I happily accepted the fact that you deem me worthy of getting even a night with you." Her eyes were glossy, something she didn't plan for but worked better in her favor.
'Let's not think too hard about it,' she thought, not sure why the tears were coming.
"Like I said, as long as I can stay by your side, I'm okay with whatever hardship I have to go through," she declared, hoping that it came across like a true martyr and not someone acting like a martyr.
'It's all bullshit but if it works,' Balarisi mentally shrugged, hoping that what her mother said about men being easy fool, was true.
Süleyman was amazed that someone could be so pure and devoted, he couldn't help but think that in that moment, Balarisi shined brighter than any other. The kindness she showed others, the honesty with which she shared all her feelings and thoughts, the selflessness with which she was always willing to share everything with everyone, even those who treated her badly. She only cared to take what he was willing to give her, never more.
'How could I have gotten so lucky?'
He had enough self awareness to understand that his views on love and relationships were twisted. Anyone who had a privileged upbringing like Süleyman's would be. He even understood that many who claimed to love him didn't really love him and that the feeling he claimed to feel for others, which he declared as love, was often not really love. 'They each provided something I desired, a piece to the puzzle that I need to completely to feel whole.'
A puzzle no one person could complete alone, Süleyman always believed that this was the true reason why all sultans kept harems and why there were rules against staying with only one woman for too long. This had been proven with each woman he met who didn't fulfill him, but then he met the woman before him. 'Sexually, there was no denying that she alone is enough to satisfy me,' this he knew for a fact. With Balarisi he could fully let out all of his deepest, darkest desires and have them be met with enthusiastic consent.
'Mentally, I have some doubts but the glint of intelligence that I catch peaking from within those eyes tells me that in this she could also be a perfect match if she let's herself be,' he thought about all the times Balarisi had let slip how smart, and at times, cunning she could be. But this wasn't as important to him because if he was being honest, he enjoyed being the smart one, the one who held all the answers.
'Emotionally, that was where I had my doubts,' as much as he enjoyed the woman's company, it always felt like she was with him either for the sex or just because she was lonely, as if anyone else who could fulfill those needs would do and he wasn't special.
Yet there was no denying that out of all his women and all the women he ever had, Balarisi was the only one who had been utterly and purely honest with him and her affections for him. She never professed undying love or that she would die without him, she never wilted when he didn't call for her as if she were a flower and he was the sun she desperately needed to survive, yet she was grateful for all he gave her and honest in how pleasurable she found his attention.
"There are many ways to show that you love someone,"
He remembered the words from one of his teachers who shared Süleyman's love for poetry. They would spend hours sharing poems and comparing their opinions on what they thought the poem was trying to say, one of the most popular themes was love. And thinking about those words and all Balarisi had done, Süleyman couldn't help but agree because the woman had constantly shown that she loved him more deeply than any one who had ever said the actual words.
"Actions often speak louder than words," he teacher chided him once and the woman was the perfect example of that. As he stared at her and her earnest eyes that reminded him of a puppy waiting to be praised for doing something right, he couldn't help but think that the woman was constantly telling him she loved him, he just hadn't been listening.
"For the first time ever, my breath, my heart, my soul, my desires" he whispered, pulling her closer, "are all in perfect unison," he touched their foreheads.
'And they all chant one name and resonate for one person.'
He didn't say that out loud because he knew that Balarisi wasn't ready to hear it, not because she might not feel the same but because of whatever happened to her that made her feel uncomfortable with being shown tenderness. 'And I will wait,' because he knew that some day he would tell her those words and she would happily accept them.
"Is that a poem?" Balarisi asked with curiosity.
"Yes, just something new I'm working on."
"Can I hear the rest?"
"Some day," he reassured, "maybe if you get a little jealous of others trying to keep me to themselves," he teased.
"Why would I be jealous when I have you, even if it's not completely," he meant his words to be just a playful jest yet the pure honesty with which she replied only made him smile. "Besides, I don't think my poor body would survive being your only woman."
"Is that so?" Süleyman raised an eyebrow and Balarisi nodded with a pout but a mischievous glint in her eyes.
He pulled her closer and poked around her body until he found the spot that made her giggle uncontrollably. She began to struggle and to his shock, also nibbled on his forearms, shoulders and even his neck. When he let her go in surprise, she got up and exclaimed her triumph. She looked so proud of herself, sticking out her tongue at him like a child who had outsmarted an adult.
He squinted his eyes at her, "how far do you think you can get?" it was all he said before standing up and chasing the woman around the room. In his hand, a ring with a bright blue gem glistened as the room was filled with giggling and playful banter.
"Do you know why I have called for you?"
Hafsa stared down at the kneeling woman before her; now that she had a solution for the Hürrem problem, she didn't really need the other concubine who was more trouble than she was worth. Right now, Balarisi was just another loose end that Hafsa needed to tie up but the cariye still enjoyed her son's favor much like Hürrem, 'the only difference is that the Odalik actually has support.'
She knew that first she had to cut off the young cariye's wings before she could do to her what she would do to Hürrem. Once Balarisi found herself with no one to turn to and with the sultan gone, she would have no choice but to bow to Hafsa's will. 'And my will is that they both leave my harem before either of them get any more dangerous ideas.' Although she knew it was too late, at least with Hürrem since the slave was already bragging about ruling the harem.
'I definitely don't need two of them.'
This was what led to the current situation; before Hafsa, stood the dark skinned concubine who had been brought to the palace by Balarisi. She knew that the woman was competent, even more so than Balarisi who was often too dimwitted to play the game. While the blonde hair slave thought she was secure just because she was one of the sultan's favorites, this woman knew that survival would need much more than that. Hafsa had seen the intelligence and cunning shine in those dark eyes, Daye had also told her that the dark skinned cariye has been befriending servants as well as other concubines so Hafsa knew that Emine had probably realized that Balarisi was a broken ship that would soon sink and to save herself, she was looking for a new one to jump on to.
'And I will give her just that.'
"I do not, sultana," the dark skinned cariye responded, her tone proper and respectful.
"You have been part of the harem for long enough," the older woman declared with a stern tone as if the cariye had over stayed her welcome.
'She makes it sound like I'm a guest, here willingly for some dinner party,' Emine mentally rolled her eyes
"Forgive me..." as Emine tried to speak, the older woman raised her hand, silencing her in a patronizing and arrogant manner that made the dark skinned woman bite the inside on her cheek.
"This is not a discussion," it was almost as if the older woman was speaking to a child but fortunately, Emine had long learned to control her emotions and reactions to such behavior.
The valide sultan's servant stepped forward and proceeded to explain to Emine about their traditions and protocols about concubines that were never chosen to walk the golden path. Basically, she was spoken to as if she were some burden forced upon them and not a slave they took and imprisoned. They spoke as if she or any concubine ever had a choice about anything that happened to or was done to them.
"Do you understand?"
'Now she's speaking to me like I stupid,' Emine mentally scoffed but outwardly she simply nodded her head meekly lowered, this was something she had been learning from Balarisi.
"Good," the valide finally spoke up, "so what is your decision?"
"Oh, I need to decide right now?" Emine was surprised because contrary to what the two older women believed; she knew what happened to concubines after a certain time within the harem, she had seen plenty go through it. But she knew that every concubine was given at least a day to think about it before they were forced to make their choice.
'Something's not right here,' she looked at the valide sultan who seemed far too impatient and knew the woman was up to something.
"I'm not sure..." Emine tried to ask for some time to think but somehow knew it wouldn't be awarded to her.
"Very well, I will set up a marriage," the older woman declared and suddenly Emine understood what was going on.
"Actually," she interjected, there was no way she was going to let the older woman get away with her machinations, at least not against Balarisi. "I would actually prefer to..."
Flashback
Emine walked the halls of the Topkapı Palace Harem and watched all the faces of those that made up their new home, 'more like the new prison.' She could see the tension in everyone, even among the servants, she saw how their stares shifted around, the way they carried themselves with a stiff posture, the way they smiled in each other's face but then the smiles melted away as they turned. It was all about survival, even the servants were looking for their own chance, their own opportunity to rise in their own way.
It was clear that they knew they were lower than those at the bottom, the lowest of the low, the ones that were aware that there was no changing that, yet they seemed to have their own hierarchy of power. But to Emine, they lacked awareness, they didn't realize that even at their level, they held much more power than they believed. It was something that she was familiar with, it was something she had seen in every woman she met every time she left her village.
Emine came from a small village in the lower continent; in her village, men were in charge, at least that was how it seemed. Much like the servants in the harem, the women in the village moved around in the shadows, cleaning, cooking, rearing the children, caring for the husbands, and just obeying the orders given to them. 'Much like in all societies and every hierarchy where women were expected to be at the bottom for everyone to step on and use.'
"Humans are actually very primitive, they are the only creatures who insist on being led by the weak, for make no mistake," an older woman caressed a young girl's hair, "my dear Omorinsola, men are in fact the weaker ones."
She remembered her mother's words, the words that every mother in her village passed down to their daughters once they became old enough to understand the truth and not revere their fathers as gods. "Unfortunately for us, the first women believed that it was best to let men be in charge instead of listening to them whine but sadly for the rest of us this was like feeding feral animals," her grandmother had been the one to explain how when facing a feral animal showing weakness was the worst thing one could do.
'Unfortunately for me and all women to come, that was exactly what our ancestors did.'
After that lesson, she began to see her village in a new light, she could see all the subtle ways in which women ruled, either by influencing their husbands, educating the children or just making decisions while the men were away. They moved men around like they were pieces in a game, it was much like the game that the concubines in the harem played, 'but they're just children compared to the women in my village.'
All the ladies of this more 'civilized' society were nothing but children playing pretend, none of them had the true calculating brilliance, measured ruthlessness, and the frightening ability to see beyond the right now or singular. "While men look for strength in their leaders, women must look for a leader who would think about the future, about the future of all women and how we could continue to survive not just now but always."
Her mother's words rang in her head and while in her youth, she bragged about being that person, Emine had long accepted that she could never be that woman, especially when her mother explained that not every woman had to be a leader. "That's a heavy burden to carry, one that the gods have not bestowed on just anyone or everyone."
When the village was raided and she was taken, then brought to Manisa, she knew that she had to find a way to survive because she no longer had the freedom and protection she had in her village where she was surrounded by the powerful women who set the stage for her to continue to lead from the shadows.
"Hello," snapping out of her thoughts, Emine greeted a servant trying to carry plates, "Can I help?"
"Oh no, there's no need," the servant frantically waved but Emine just smiled and took some plates from her hand.
"I insist, we're all the same. The least we can do is help each other," the servant relented with hesitance.
Thinking about her time in Manisa, Emine remembered that the women there were nothing like the ones in her village; they were all immature, fearful, or just plain cruel. She didn't understand why these people were deemed more civilized than her and her village. Everything in Manisa just seemed so bleak but then something changed the night that the most bullied and hated concubine tried to take her life. There was something different about the young girl, it didn't seem that way at first but Emine could see it in her posture.
It was the first time she had seen the lowest of the low, rise to a place above those who had been above her. At that moment, Emine had realized that this was what her mother and grandmother had spoken to her about. "Every few generations there comes a woman, who is set to change everything and set the board for a new generation of women, the blessed queen among women. Perhaps that could be you," Emine knew that wasn't her.
'But don't worry, iya; I think I found her, the queen among women. I will make sure the board she sets is one that will be remembered and played on for generations to come.
"What's your name?" Emine returned to the present and asked the servant who jumped and stared with wide eyes.
"Y...you want to know my name?"
"Of course, why wouldn't I?"
"Well, I'm a servant and you're a concubine," the young servant girl explained as if it was obvious.
"Yes, but we're both slaves so in the end, we're the same where it matters," Emine declared with a bright and friendly smile, "so maybe we can be friends."
"Why not be friends with the concubines?"
"Because I'm different and they tend to be more judgmental towards different, also the arrogance is suffocating. I want real friends, ones I don't have to worry about competing with," she joked, looking down bashfully trying to hide her face.
"I get it," the servant declared softly, placing a hand on Emine's shoulder to comfort the dark skinned woman who she was unaware was actually smirking.
Flashback end
Emine walked out of the valide sultan's room with her head bow, she turned away with the stiff and poise posture that she had kept throughout the visit. It was only when she turned down a hall way and was far enough that she let herself relax her posture. The valide sultan was definitely intimidating, Emine had never been before someone with so much power except for their village leader but even then it was never one-on-one.
'Will she become that way some day?' Emine wondered, but thinking about Balarisi, something told her that the younger woman would be different, 'I have a feeling she will definitely exceed expectations.' Emine sighed, sending a silent prayer to her mother and grandmother for everything to work.
"I really hope I made the right decision."