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Adulting wasn’t the world’s easiest job; bills, work, money, and food are just some struggles adults have to worry about, but those weren’t necessarily the hardest.
Callie worked two jobs, no other parent, working her ass off for her two kids. Her husband had left when her kids were young, and she got stuck trying to find jobs to support her family. One job wasn’t enough so although it only gave her a little under a one-hour window of being home, she also had a second job.
Sometimes, she wonders if her husband had supported her correctly and if she would have had a better life. If her dreams weren’t taken away from her and she was capable of pursuing education at a higher level, instead of only focusing on her husband.
She was a sufficient student when she was younger. She had high grades, excellent at athletics, and had a promising future, and she was this close to graduating.
Having Trevor wasn’t awful, she adored him! Even her ex-husband was excited about having a son to acquire his interests. Although she couldn’t go back to school and became a housewife, thinking back on it, she doesn’t regret it.
If she had to do everything all over again, she would choose the exact same path that took her where she is now. When Trevor was about three, they had Phoebe. Her husband wasn’t thrilled about having another child and even so a girl, but he put up with it. He tried spending time with his children even if he claimed his job took too much of his time. As years passed, they grew.
Phoebe wasn’t the most talkative three-year-old. Literally, she didn't speak at all. It didn’t worry Callie as much as her husband ranted about it. It was normal for some children to be behind on things such as verbal speech, but Phoebe just seemed to be smart.
Although Callie herself never taught her, one day she found Phoebe reading an old workbook of Trevor’s. She had countless arguments about the future and presence of Phoebe in their household, especially because her husband accused her of cheating at some point.
People change, and Callie wishes she had known this earlier. Before she wanted to spend her whole life with him, just to serve him and only him. People change, whether for the better or the worse. When Phoebe turned four and still hadn’t said anything, her husband had one last fight with her.
One last fight, claiming she had never done any work in her entire life and everyone relied on him.
One last fight, taunting Phoebe and calling her horrible names.
One last fight, accusing Callie of cheating on him therefore he was the good guy in the relationship.
One last fight, telling her he was taking Trevor with him and making sure she never saw him or his son ever again.
What hurt the most was remembering when in college he told her he would love Callie forever and always, only for them to fall apart. She knew her children could hear their fight so she had to choose her next words carefully.
“Leave my house and never come back again.”
He did leave and in fact, she never saw them again. Their divorce was finalized a little less than a year later. He did not take Trevor, she fought extra hard just to win custody of him. But she had to prove she was a good mother.
Sometimes, she didn’t think of herself as a mother and had the drowning feeling that she abandoned her children daily, just to work. With how stressed she is, she would be surprised if she could even guess their favorite colors.
Being the eldest child, Trevor knew he had more responsibilities than his younger sister. Eight (and a half) years old and he took care of his five-year-old sister for a few hours every day. Both were at school most of the day and once they came home, half an hour later their mom came home. She was there for about an hour and left at 3:45 every single day for her next job. She doesn’t come home until nine after Trevor and Phoebe go to sleep.
Trevor didn’t have any problem with it, just made sure Phoebe was ahead on her work and made her dinner every single day. The moment his mom kissed them goodbye, he went straight to the kitchen. Using the computers from school, he found a recipe for a nice meal for him and Phoebe.
It was a Friday night and his mom was extremely busy, so he was going to prepare a meal that was sure to have leftovers to save for his mom.
Was he a good cook?
Absolutely not.
His usual meal for Phoebe consists of either undercooked or overcooked noodles with salt and sometimes unseasoned tomato sauce, microwavable macaroni and cheese, or burnt quesadillas. They were nowhere near as good as his mom’s and Phoebe practically reminded him every day while telling him the food was gross, but he still tried.
In his opinion, his cooking skills have gradually increased in the past year. At first, he was terrified of using the stove and now he used it to make everything.
This certain meal, baked ziti, was going to take a bit of patience and work. He had no idea what ziti even was but he assumed it must be good since all the reviews were mostly positive. He stared at the list of ingredients and searched through the kitchen cabinets for ingredients.
The recipe called for ziti pasta but they had none, so he settled on the classic spaghetti noodles. He found a can of tomato sauce and thought that would have to do instead of spaghetti sauce, American cheese instead of the wanted provolone and mozzarella, and luckily, they had a bit of sour cream left from taco night the previous week.
The only problem was that they had no more ground beef. He needed the beef for the meal so he went to his room and pulled out his piggy bank.
His mom had gifted him twenty dollars for his birthday and he was going to save it up for a new bike, but he needed the money. He stuck the twenty dollar bill in his pocket, then went to Phoebe’s room.
“Pheebs?” he opened the door and saw her reading on her bed. She stuck her head up from her book.
“Yeah?” she asked, her eyes still glued to the pages. Ever since their dad left, Phoebe had been talking. Sometimes, Trevor wished she talked when he was still there just so he could’ve stayed, but he pushed that thought into the vault and locked it away.
“I need to buy something from the store and I can’t leave you alone,” he said, not trying to give away what he was doing.
Phoebe hopped off her bed and slipped on her shoes. Trevor made sure to lock the apartment door and held Phoebe’s hand the entire way to the little grocery store down the street. They didn’t necessarily live in the best part of town and halfway to the store,
Trevor had a weird feeling that it was probably a mistake for two young children to be walking by themselves, but it disappeared when they got to the store. Still holding Phoebe’s hand, Trevor marched through the store immediately to where the meat was displayed. He got a few looks and murmurs but he didn’t care. He just really wanted to make the meal.
He found the little segment where the ground beef was and picked out the little one-pound package. It was a little over five dollars so that meant he had about fifteen dollars left.
While heading to the cash register, they passed by the little candy aisle. A trick his mother had taught him was to never buy candy by the cash register, the ones in the aisle were cheaper and bigger. He guided their way into the dimly lit aisle.
“Where are we going?” Phoebe asked, unsure of why they were in an aisle that wasn’t in the path of getting to the register.
“Pick out something for a treat later—anything you want. I have extra money,” Trevor offered. He watched as Phoebe grabbed a little bag of chocolate candies.
She didn’t express emotions so vividly but he could tell she was happy by the sparkle in her eyes and the small smile on her face. Before leaving the aisle, Trevor grabbed a bag of peach gummy rings since he knew his mom loved them.
The cashier was an elderly old man with a sweet smile. When Trevor placed the three items on the counter, he stared at him oddly before scanning the food.
“How old are you, kid?” he asked.
Trevor was always told to never talk to strangers. “Old enough.”
The man gave a sarcastic chuckle. “You just seem a little young to be walking around without a parent, that’s all.”
“I just needed food,” Trevor shrugged. Phoebe scooted closer to him as Trevor handed the man the money.
The man handed back the change. “Just stay safe, okay? Keep holding on to your sister’s hand.”
“Alright,” Trevor muttered as he picked up the bag from the man. “Have a nice day, sir.”
“You too, kid.”
Trevor hurried back to their apartment faster since he wanted to start dinner as soon as possible. Once back inside, he made sure to lock it. He handed Phoebe her candy in a little bowl.
“You can eat half of the bag, then save the rest for later,” he told her as she walked off with the bowl of chocolates.
Then he went back to the kitchen and started cooking. He knew how to cook pasta and after putting the noodles to boil, he pulled out another pot and tossed the beef in it.
He didn’t know how to cut the vegetables so it was just plain meat mixed with leftover taco seasoning. He tossed in the sour cream that may or may not be expired and tomato sauce, then slowly stirred it until it bubbled.
Now came the hard part: straining the noodles. Trevor accidentally broke the strainer earlier that week so he had to hold the pot towards the edge of the sink, carefully pouring down the remnants of the boiling water down the drain.
Once the majority of the water was drained from the pot, Trevor dumped all the noodles into the sauce mix, tossed the pot aside, and mixed the noodles into the sauce. The noodles seemed a little mushier than he wanted them and the sauce looked really plain, but it seemed okay.
He opened the fridge and pulled out a few slices of American cheese before throwing it inside the pasta, folding the gooey cheese into the noodles. And voila! His pasta creation was finally complete.
The only problem was that there wasn’t enough to supply three people with dinner, so he just skipped dinner so Phoebe and his mom had something to eat.
He poured half of the pasta into a faded blue plastic bowl and sprinkled a decent amount of parmesan cheese on it, just how Phoebe liked it. After sticking a fork into the bowl, he placed it on their little kitchen table with the plastic covering over it. He also placed a glass of water on the table.
“Phoebe!” Trevor called out, opening her door. He saw that she was tinkering with some random tools and gadgets, but she didn’t look up. She slightly glanced over to his way and made eye contact with Trevor. “Dinner’s ready.”
Phoebe placed her tools carefully on the floor and got up, following Trevor to the table. The dim kitchen light slightly flickered as they walked in.
“I’ll fix that later,” Phoebe whispered as she sat down. At first, she eyed the pasta while Trevor tried to conceal his wide grin.
“I made something different today,” he said. “That’s why I needed to go to the store, for the meat. I thought it would be nice to eat something that isn’t burnt noodles for once.”
“I’m not sure how you would burn noodles in the first place,” Phoebe quipped, poking at the food with her fork. Trevor knew she meant it, she never joked around like he does, but he tried to ignore her comment. “Are you sure you cooked the meat fully?”
“Well, yeah,” Trevor stuttered. He was starting to get fed up with her snarky comments, even if she didn’t mean it. “I made it for you.”
Phoebe scooped up some pasta on her fork and shoved it into her mouth, scrunching up her face in disgust, and spat it back out. Trevor couldn’t help but feel terrible watching her spit up the food he specifically made for her.
“What did you put in that?” Phoebe exclaimed as she wiped her mouth with a napkin. His stomach suddenly felt heavy and Trevor was aggravated. “It’s disgusting!”
His fists balled up. “Well, I tried , okay? I tried. I tried to make your food. It sucks, alright? I’m sorry for making you eat my nasty food.”
Trevor snatched the bowl off the table and threw it into the sink with all his force, not even caring that some of the pasta flew out of the bowl, making a little mess. He grabbed the pot with the remaining food and tossed the whole artifact in the trash. It made a loud thud but he couldn’t care less at the moment.
Trevor knocked over the water cup on the table, spilling water everywhere before storming off to his room. The water dripped to the tile floor with a silent drip .
He immediately regretted it the moment he yelled at Phoebe, but he felt as if she deserved it. He always tried his best but she just seemed so ungrateful and displeased with him all the time.
He was the one who made her dinner every day, despite not knowing how to cook at all.
He was the one who watched her for hours a day, making sure she was safe and happy.
He was the one who fought with anyone who dared to make fun of her, his little sister.
He was the one who made sure her bag was packed in the mornings, just so she would never forget anything in the mornings.
He did his best for her, yet she still acted that way.
But he shouldn’t be mad; she was young and that’s just how she was. She states the truth and only the truth, and she isn’t the kind of person to be so emotional or a touchy person. She’s just… Phoebe. Just Phoebe.
That’s just how she was and Trevor knew that. It was why his dad left them. Because of Phoebe.
Callie already felt guilty and wrong for leaving her children every day alone by themselves for a few hours, but she had no other choice. There was no one else in the picture to help her and all she could do was to trust them.
Work was hard and long and normally, she’s excited to just get home. Her children should be asleep by now and sometimes one would stay up later than they were supposed to just to greet Callie, but when she walked inside, she saw the kitchen was a mess and the house incredibly silent.
She placed her work bag down on the living room couch and went to investigate the mess in the kitchen. A pool of water on the table and floor, tomato sauce splattering the sink and the surrounding areas, and a pot in the trash can.
Before touching anything that happened in the kitchen, she went to check on her children. She quietly peeked open Phoebe’s door and saw that she was in her bed, sleeping. But with one closer look, she saw that she wasn’t asleep, she was crying.
Callie silently shut the door behind her and crouched down in front of Phoebe’s bed. She didn’t want to touch her or comfort her like she would do to Trevor because Phoebe wasn’t the kind for physical contact. She wasn’t much of a crier, so whatever had happened, it must’ve been serious.
“I made a mistake,” she whispered. Phoebe stayed lying down and faced away from her mom.
“What happened?”
“I made Trevor cry, ” she finally spoke. “I didn’t mean to. But it’s my fault, I was being mean to him.”
Phoebe sat up in her bed to face Callie. Her round glasses were still on her face, smudged with tears. “He made me dinner and I told him it wasn’t good; that it was disgusting. I don’t know why I said it, it just slipped out. I’m a bad person and now he’s mad at me, he won’t talk to me. I just don’t understand why. ”
“Baby, you just made a mistake, it’s okay. Everybody makes mistakes, that’s what makes us humans,” Callie softly said. “You aren’t a bad person, you are nowhere near being a bad person. Just imagine the situation flip-flopped – You make Trevor food that you worked hard for, and he tells you it’s terrible. How would that make you feel?”
“Mad,” Phoebe muttered. “It just tasted bad and I was just being honest!”
Callie sighed. “I know you like being honest and Pheebs, and I love that about you! But during certain times, there’s this thing called a little white lie. It’s not meant to be harmful, but what Trevor needed to hear was that you were thankful for his food whether you enjoyed it or not.”
“So, lie to him and tell him it’s good?” she asked.
“Well, technically. You don’t have to say it’s good or that you like it, but you just need to tell him that you’re grateful that he thought of you. He didn’t have to make you dinner, but he still did anyway.”
“Oh,” Phoebe pulled the covers up to her chin and stared blankly at the wall. “I need to apologize, don’t I?”
“Yes, you do,” Callie nodded. “Life isn’t always perfect and when you make a mistake, you have to try to fix it as best as you can.”
Phoebe pushed her blankets down and wrapped her arms around her mom, hugging her tightly. Callie held her as she whispered in her ears.
“What if he’s still mad at me?” Phoebe blinked away tears. “He hates me now.”
“He won’t be, I’ll talk to him and you know Trevor, he would never hate you. You’re his little sister and all he wants to do is protect you.”
“Alright,” Phoebe whispered as she threw the covers back over her. “I’ll apologize tomorrow then.”
“Okay, good night, Phoebe,” Callie smiled as she opened the door gently. “I love you no matter what.”
“I love you no matter what,” Phoebe quietly said just as Callie closed the door. The next thing she had to do was to check on Trevor.
Once she speaks with him, she’ll clean up the kitchen. Since the apartment was small, Trevor’s door was right now to Phoebe’s. It was only a two-bedroom apartment, so Callie gave up her room so Trevor could have his own room. Callie just slept on the living room couch since it was a pull-out.
She knocked gently on Trevor’s door before opening it. She could hear his shaky breaths and she could tell he was trying to pretend to be asleep. Callie walked inside and closed the door, trying her best to navigate to Trevor’s bed without tripping in the dark. Even the curtains blocked out all light.
Callie’s lips felt dry as she spoke. “The food looked good.”
A moment of silence passed between them. “It wasn’t.”
Callie sat at the edge of his bed and placed a hand on his hair, soothing his curls. “What’s wrong?”
“I heard you talking to Phoebe,” he whispered. “I’m not mad at her, not really. At least not right now. I just got really annoyed from how she was acting.”
“She didn’t mean it-”
“I know. I heard.”
“So what’s wrong?”
“I just wanted to make tonight special. I wanted to make dinner for all of us using a fancy recipe, but I didn’t make enough for three people and apparently, it didn’t taste as good as I thought. We used to always make a nice meal on Fridays and then watch a movie when Dad was here, and I miss that,” Trevor explained. It’s been a while since anyway had mentioned their father in their household and those times felt like years ago. “I even went out to the store and bought your favorite candy so we could watch a movie.”
“Trevor,” Callie softly sighed. “You don’t have to do anything like that. You already make my day with how much work you do. You’re not even nine years old but you make sure that Phoebe eats every day and that she’s satisfied. That means a lot to me and Phoebe, it sure does. I should be the one apologizing to you for making you grow up so quickly, not the other way around. Seeing you guys happy makes me happy, or not even that, but spending time with you and your sister is probably my favorite thing to do. You two are the best things that have ever happened to me.”
“I know you miss him and I’m sorry things are the way they are now. Your dad is never coming back and I wish things were different. That’s just the way life works sometimes. Not everything is perfect, but we can try to make the best of it, just the three of us.”
Trevor smiled. “Okay.”
“But,” Callie wiggled her finger in his face and tapped him on the nose, making him giggle. “We will be discussing you going to the store by yourself tomorrow.”
“It’s okay, I took Phoebe with me.”
“Proving my point,” Callie raised an eyebrow at him and he held back a laugh. Callie kissed him on the forehead. “Goodnight, baby.”
“Good night,” he whispered. “Love you no matter what.”
“I love you no matter what,” Callie shut the door and leaned her head against the door for a moment.
Just to think for a moment.
Just for a little bit.
Afterward, she’ll go clean up the kitchen and maybe watch some television before bed – if she even sleeps. Her mind was cluttered with thousands of things but she could only think of one. Technically two, but her kids were everything to her.
Without them, she would be nothing.