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Kiryu pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to maintain his cool.
“What happened this time?” He asked, wearily.
Kashiwagi cleared his throat, shuffling his papers, seemingly in an attempt to draw out his response. The air was tense with anticipation, as the pair sat in silence in Kiryu’s office.
“Well…” Kashiwagi began, his voice trailing off, eyes flicking between his papers and Kiryu.
Kiryu groaned in resignation. When he had agreed to stay on as chairman, just until things settled down for the Tojo clan following the whole “10 billion yen incident,” he hadn’t expected to be running a giant daycare instead of a criminal enterprise. He could feel Nishiki laughing at him from beyond the grave.
“Well what, Kashiwagi?” he asked, exasperatedly.
Resigned, Kashiwagi finally replied, “The Nishikiyama family started a fist fight in Mach Bowl with the Kazama family, some Dojima family members tried to drag race through Kamurcho, the Nikkyo Consortium was caught trying to put whoopie cushions in all of the patriarch chairs in the meeting room, and the Majima family continues to haze the new members they received from the Shimano family.”
As Kashiwagi detailed the list of shenanigans that his clan had carried out in just the past month, Kiryu put his head in his hands and considered tearing his hair out. Except then he’d bald, like gross, old Shimano, and Majima would never fuck him again. Groaning, he rubbed his hands over his face before sitting back in his chair.
“What were the reasons behind all of those actions?” Kiryu asked, his voice weary.
Kashiwagi gave him a sympathetic, yet strained, smile before replying. “For the fist fight, the Nishikiyama family claims the Kazama family was bad mouthing Nishiki. The Kazama family, meanwhile, claims that the Nishikiyama family was bad mouthing Kazama. Both say it was a matter of honor. The civilians who witnessed the fight tell a different story. Apparently, one of the men insulted another man’s sense of style. It deteriorated from there.”
For a moment, Kiryu wondered which family had started it. But then he decided, it didn’t matter. If all it took to start a fist fight were a few petty insults, he didn’t care who started it. He nodded for Kashiwagi to continue.
“The Dojima family drag racing was in celebration of Daigo Dojima’s return from prison. They thought he’d like an… exciting night out on the town. Luckily, they didn’t get very far. Yayoi,” Kashiwagi stopped for a moment, a distant look in his eyes at the mention of Yayoi. He shook himself before continuing, “Yayoi caught wind of the plans and managed to beat them to their planned starting point. She dragged Daigo home by his ear, where he celebrated his release by sulking in his room. According to Yayoi, at least. Also, he’s… grounded for the next month.”
Both men tried and failed to keep a straight face at the statement, letting out peals of laughter at the thought of Daigo stuck at home like he was still in grade school. As their laughter died off, Kashiwagi smirked at Kiryu, mirth dancing in his eyes, “If only we had been able to do the same to you and Nishiki. It would have solved many problems.”
Kiryu rolled his eyes in response, not justifying the remark with an actual response. Kashiwagi continued to smirk, as he moved onto the Nikkyo Consortium.
“As for the Nikkyo Consortium, they assure me that it was all a big misunderstanding. They were simply carrying out a training mission,” Kashiwagi drawled, his words dripping sarcasm. Kiryu snorted, shaking his head at the blatant and obvious lie.
Kashiwagi suddenly sighed, sounding older than he was. Kiryu looked at him curiously as he set his papers down in his lap and began massaging his temples. He seemed to be bolstering himself.
“The most serious item on our agenda is the Majima family. I’ve been receiving near continuous complaints from-”
Before Kashiwagi could continue, he was interrupted by a loud, long drawn out, “Kiryu-chan!” that was accompanied by the double doors of the office being kicked in by none other than the patriarch of the Majima family, Majima Goro.
“Speak of the devil,” Kashiwagi muttered under his breath.
Kiryu ignored his advisor, standing up from his chair in order to catch his boyfriend as Majima launched himself at him. Kiryu let out a soft grunt as he felt the impact of an eighty kilogram man turning into a koala against his chest, as his hands settled on Majima’s ass cheeks.
Majima gave each of Kiryu’s cheeks a smacking kiss, accompanied by an exaggerated “mwah!” as he made himself comfortable against Kiryu’s broadchest as he sat back down.
“Were ya talkin’ about lil’ ol’ me?” Majima asked, adopting a voice filled with faux innocence, pouting and fluttering his eyelashes at Kiryu.
“Yes, we were just about to talk about you, Majima-san, and your continued hazing problem,” Kashiwagi replied, his voice serious.
Majima groaned, burrowing into Kiryu’s chest. “I don’t know what yer talkin’ about. My family doesn’t have a hazing problem. The new boys jus’ can’t handle the heat, yet.”
“This is serious, Majima,” Kashiwagi retorted, a frown pulling on his lips. “I have received complaints from almost every one of the former Shimano family members who moved into the Majima family. They say that you make them do ridiculous tasks, that you single them out for punishment, and that you turn a blind eye to your men ganging up on them.”
Kiryu looked down at Majima with a raised eyebrow. He knew his boyfriend had been having problems with the new Shimano men, but not to this extent. Majima continued to hide his face in Kiryu’s chest, grumbling to himself for a moment before sighing and sitting up properly. He turned himself around to face Kashiwagi, with a serious look on his face.
“I’m jus’ gettin’ it through their thick skulls tha’ boss Shimano isn’t around anymore to call the shots. I’m in charge, so they can either get with the program, or they can fuck off. Shimano might’ve tolerated some of their bullshittery, but I won’t,” Majima said, his voice deadly serious, demonstrating the controlled man beneath the mask of the mad dog.
Kashiwagi maintained his frown, but nodded his head in understanding. “Very well. Just, please, can you whip them into shape without all the hazing? I keep getting calls from my men finding your new recruits stuck in trash cans or duct taped to the sides of buildings, all while covered in rainbow paint. Also, remind Minami that arson is not an acceptable way to deal with his problems.”
Kiryu kept a straight face, holding back the laughter welling up in his chest at the sheer ridiculousness of this whole conversation. Maybe next time he was bored he’d stop by the Majima family office.