Burn This City, Burn This City Down

by linkspooky

Summary:

“Don’t you feel a little bit sorry for her? You know the princess’s story, she was betrayed by her friends and family and lost her mind."

“So what? Does being betrayed really hurt that much? Things like that happen in Caldera every day.”

The capital of the Fire Nation -

Caldera City.

In this city there’s a saying, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends and family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one which is never known to anyone except himself alone, but sometimes that hidden truth may turn out to be another lie. The imperial city is a city full of political games - an unrivaled amusement park.

“People betray people. These things… they happen all over this city.”

—

or:
Months after Azula disappeared during the search for her and Zuko's mother, she suddenly reappears before the Fire Nation imperial court surprisingly sane and with a surprise announcement: she's engaged and will marry on her eighteenth birthday. With no direct heir for the throne besides his sister Zuko is forced to welcome her into his court. In a post war fire nation Zuko is desperate to figure out if Azula is on his side.

Chapter 1: Moth's Wings

Summary:

The story so far: Basically everything follows The Promise, and the first few pages of the Search. Zuko made a deal with Azula to go searching Hira'a village for their mother, but Azula jumps off the bison to get away early canon divergence starts from there.

Tw: For Self Harm, and Delusions this Chapter.

The Princess once ditched her royal procession to travel light, but even then she still had access to mongoose lizards and a small elite team of her companions. 

She didn’t have access to any of those resources now (as for companions she’d never had those to begin with). Jumping off the Avatar’s bison and running from her brother on foot into the forgetful valley was far from her preferred means of travel. 

If Zuko tried he would find her. He once obsessively pursued the avatar across continents.
That is, if he tried.
If he even cared enough to try, 

She cast her eyes skyward but there was no bison in the sky. If the avatar and his friends pursued her from the air, she’d have no chance to escape. 

If they cared enough to pursue her.
If they cared.

It wasn’t until the sun was about to set, and the shadows of the wooded area that surrounded her began to stretch into unsettling shapes that she realized no one was coming.

She was alone. When she realized the full weight of what that meant her heart sank along with the setting sun.

Perhaps she’d been hasty trying double cross her brother before Zuko sent her back to the Asylum the moment he wanted from her (which he would… he would, right?)

Azula shook her head, she’d wasted enough time - two whole years of it in the asylum.

When the animals in the forgetful valley went to sleep, the spirits woke up. The local spirit-touched fauna all acquired marks that resembled a second face somewhere on their bodies. A wolf with eye markings on its chest, squirrel toads with smiling faces on their backs, and butterfly wasps with eyespots on their wings. Trees with jagged, sharp-toothed grins carved in their bark. 

Countless faces surrounded her, all of them smiling in mockery of her. 

She was being watched. 

Once there the notion refused to leave her mind. 

Eyes were everywhere. As if the entire forest was one living organism with many, many, heads and many, many, eyes and they were all observing her and waiting for her to be swallowed whole by one of its many, many mouths.

Azula forgot to mark where she had been in the forest already in her haste to flee the avatar’s bison. The forest was even harder to navigate at night. She tried to piece together the fragmented memories of her flight through the forest, but it was difficult. Trying to work with her broken mind felt like assembling a puzzle made of sharp shards of broken glass with her bare hands. Painful and unproductive

Nighttime gave her no break from the humidity. She’d worn the same clothes for the past three days and now her expensive finery was soaked through with sweat and clinging to her skin. 

Every step of the journey was unpleasant with no end in sight, but Azula had no choice but to continue running. Every step puts distance between herself and the asylum. She didn’t care if her legs snapped, or her lungs burst. She wasn’t going back - 

(Perhaps she was still there. Perhaps she was simply wandering around the hallways deluding herself into believing otherwise, lost inside the forest of her mind). 

The thought unbalanced her, making it difficult to stand. Azula stopped to lean against a nearby tree and rolled up her sleeve. Then she placed a superheated hand against her forearm and held it there. She tried not to think of the words searing, and flesh as the smell of burnt skin filled her nostrils and entered her brain. 

Burning herself was an old trick she used to keep herself awake while studying late into the night. She’d never burned herself this badly before, but she needed the reminder now. She had a body. Her red and raw skin and the blood she shed were warm. She was a living person. She was alive…she was alive. 

Azula was awake, but the reality she’d woken up to was not particularly pleasant. She’d left Zuko behind to get to Hira’a village but had no means of finding her way there.  If she got lost here Zuko likely wouldn’t look for her - what a perfect plan to get rid of your only rival to the throne without getting your hands dirty. 

She’d finally woken up for her dream. 

She’d been struggling for the past two years in the asylum, but she was still insane. 

Azula buried her hands in her hair, knuckles whitening, veins protruding. She was like a blinded dragon with her claws torn out. Having lost the treasures she cherished and the lair she relied on, she’d been forced out into sunlight, beneath the sky, with each one of her ugly scabs on display for everyone to see and ridicule as they pleased. 

It hurt too much.

It was as if how Azula lived the first fourteen years of her life was a lie. She’d thought she had disguised herself very well and tricked everyone she was a prodigy and princess, but in reality, she was just a wretched lunatic. 

Azula clutched her head and howled grievously, like a trapped, blood-soaked beast that had fallen into a snare. The voice that came out of her throat was so hoarse and wrecked that it didn’t even sound human. In her eyes, vacant confusion was mixed with frantic madness. She curled up at the foot of the tree and hugged herself like she was afraid of the cold.

She was a madwoman, a delusional invalid; an ugly, laughable absurd comical idiot who had exposed her scars to her brother and everyone without even realizing it. She seemed extremely pitiful like a fetus that was about to die within her mother’s body - isolated from the outside, unable to breathe, sinking endlessly in oppressive suffocation. She could only cry out from underwater, but no one ashore could hear her.

She could only hold tightly onto herself. The only warmth she could feel came from her alone…

Azula clawed her wrist again and again until she drew blood, and then not even noticing continued the mad impulse.  Her eyes grew redder and redder as her inner fire grew dimmer and dimmer. Until finally she stopped wailing and sat up calmly her body unfurling itself. 

Sometimes, a broken machine did not simply and silently give up functioning. On rare occasions, it could surprisingly continue working. The fact that Azula was able to force herself to stand and start walking in search of water was one of these rare examples.

Her throat hurt.
Why did her throat hurt?
Her throat hurt because she had been screaming (dum-dum).
It was difficult to breathe.
It was difficult to live.
Burns on the roof of her mouth. Copper on her tongue. Ash in her throat. 

Water, she needed water. 

Eventually, Azula came upon a pool of water in the middle of a clearing. She forgot her royal finery, dropped to her knees in the mud, and cupped water in her hands to bring to her lips. Lapping up the water like a dog - how appropriate.

Azula stopped drinking long enough to catch a glimpse of the surface of the water. Reflected there was her unbearably wretched silhouette. A girl was glaring back at her through her unkempt hair, with far more than one hair loose from her top knot. 

Just like the day of her coronation, a woman was standing right behind her. It was mother, but it wasn’t. Her face was all wrong. There was a black stain. A hole, where a face ought to have been. As Azula tried to recall her mother’s face she found there were holes in her memories as well.

“I love you Azula. I do.”

Azula bent over and held her head in her hands. “...No, you don’t.” 

Azula was all alone. Whatever expression she made, whatever meaning behind her words, whatever she was thinking - no one in the world would know.

Because…

All of a sudden, everything fell silent.

The sound of the wind, the rustling of unseen animals, and the traitorous whispers of her mind all melted into the background as she heard a soft chuckle.

Whenever Ursa spoke to her, it grew difficult to pay attention to anything that wasn’t her mother’s voice. The owner of the voice must have slipped past her notice.

But all they’d done was watch her while remaining as still as the trees themselves.

No wonder Azula had felt like she was being watched, all along there had been a lion tiger stalking her in the tall grass. They had caught her completely unaware.

Azula braced herself but what came wasn’t an attack, but something else, something unexpected.

The stranger offered their hand to help her out of the mud. Their fingers were well-defined, and almost completely callused over, the hand of an experienced firebender. Their skin was so rough that a mere brush of their fingers created a small spark, like flint striking steel.

As to the owner of that hand…
A woman?
Based on just the figure she would call them a woman. However, their chest and hips were hidden by the loose and overflowing striped kimono they wore. Whether it was a man or woman, their figure was beautiful all the same. That much was clear to the eye. 

Azula was left with a decision.
Should she give her hand, or not?

She reached out for that hand, and the stranger’s fingertips brushed against her stone-cold heart. They grasped her hand, without squeezing too hard, handling her with the utmost care. As she rose to her feet an idea came to her.

She lightly tripped, falling forward with an alarmed gasp. With great urgency, they moved to catch Azula, placing a hand on the small of her back to support her.

By pulling them close Azula intended to get a look at their face, only to be met with a cat mask carved from wood. The mask concealed everything but their eyes, eyes as black and sharp as volcanic glass. One eye was faded - were they half-blind? She’d learned something, her fainting princess ploy was a success. 

After helping her back to her feet they took her hand again.
Her hand in theirs.
Icy cold silver and fair white hands.
They walked together.

The stranger matched her pace perfectly, their other arm coming to support her now and again as if they feared she might fall.

Where she went, they went. When she slowed, they waited.
A spirit quietly walked alongside her.

She heard a soft clinking with every step they took, it rang crisp as bells. Just as she mulled it over she heard the muffled growl of a distant wild beast. She saw, underneath their kimono there was a sword strapped to their waist, which clinked with every step. Before Azula could react, the one who held her hand softy topped the back of that hand as if telling her not to worry.

Everything about the situation was eerie to the extreme, but the youth held her hand and walked leisurely on, appearing for no reason to be bewitchingly romantic and deeply affectionate.

They walked into a clearing where moth wasps with eyespots on their wings sat perched on nearby trees. When they opened and closed their wings, it was like hundreds of eyes blinking.  

One took flight, flitting past her eyes.

Then, following the stray, the rest swarmed, hundreds of them scattering at once, their orange and yellow wings gave the impression of the forest catching on fire.

The sight was truly as beautiful as a fantastic dream.

There was no time for such distractions though. Azula had waited. For two years and so many days. She had waited. It felt like her heart stopped at the asylum, but in her hands, there was a current strong enough to restart her heart or stop someone else’s. 

Azula raised her thoroughly bloodshot eyes. 

She thrust her hand forward and pointed it right at the stranger’s heart as if she intended to rip it out with her dragon’s claws. Lightning from this close range meant instant death. No room for redirection. In the second they had left to live, the stranger’s hand grabbed her thin wrist and pointed her outstretched hand at the night sky, causing lightning to fire off.

Their foot moved to swipe her legs out from underneath her, but rather than let her fall one hand caught her back, the other still gripping her outstretched arm, holding onto Azula in a dip like the two of them were entangled in a dance. She once read that dragons mated by coiling themselves around each other tightly like this in midair. 

“Here’s some advice.” The stranger spoke finally, “Never try to kill a boy on the first date. You won’t get many second dates that way.” 

The statement was just so ridiculous that Azula lost all apprehension, and just for a moment forgot she was in a life or death situation, to sputter, “Y-you think this a date?”

(She actually stuttered. There went the perfect diction she prided herself on). 

“Well, we were just holding hands.” 

“I almost killed you!”

“I wouldn’t say almost. Almost implies you came close.” Not only were they annoyingly flippant, but they were also arrogant, Azula couldn’t imagine a more volatile cocktail of personality traits. “You should get to know me before trying to kill me again. Who knows, you might like me.”

“I can already tell I’m not going to like you.”

“Oh, really? What have I done to make you dislike me so?”

“You and I just don’t mix. It’s destiny.” 

“Do you think we were born to meet and hate each other? Do you think we hated each other in a past life? We’re connected by the red string of hate.” 

“Oh, please do shut up.”

“Well, since you said please.” She just knew they were smiling insufferably underneath that mask, “Who am I to say no to a princess?”

“You can let me go now too. That’s not a suggestion, by the way, that’s an order. I thought I’d clarify since you don’t seem particularly bright.” 

“Whatever you say, princess.”

They unceremoniously dropped her on the ground, just like she asked. 

Ow. 

Azula had learned something. They knew she was a member of the royal family. The logical part of her brain told her it wasn’t a stretch a Fire Nation citizen might recognize her. The other, louder part, insisted they were working for her brother. 

She didn’t have enough information to work with yet, so she agreed to join the stranger at their camp, just on the other side of the river. 

An awkward silence fell between them while Azula tried to work out who they were behind that mask. The stranger poked at the fire and looked generally uncomfortable with the fact she wasn’t paying attention to them. Over the sound of crackling fire, she heard a whisper, “I don’t know why she’s not talking. Maybe she’s just socially awkward.”

Who were they talking to?
There was no one else but the two of them.

“Maybe she just doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“Let’s not get crazy. Everyone wants to talk to me. Everyone who meets me wants to be my friend. Isn’t that right, Lion?”

Were they talking to… themselves? 

“Are you trying to refer to me by a nickname? I’m the Princess of the Fire Nation, you will refer to me properly by my name-”

“Tell the little lost girl that egocentrism is not an attractive quality.” The stranger said. 

Then, the stranger turned their head slightly, and looking at the space between them and Azula, snapping, “I’m not going to tell her that!” They ran a hand through their unruly black hair, “I want her to like me - us, remember?” 

The stranger was… arguing with themselves.

She was alone in the woods with a stranger of questionable sanity. Azula turned her head in search of an escape route but saw a woman dressed in red standing right behind her. 

“Ah…” she gulped, nearly falling backward from where she was sitting.

Mother had escaped from the mirror.

Her stumble and fall had betrayed her, the masked stranger reached for her hand. Azula was like a kite whose string had broken, but they took hold of her hand firmly tethering her to her body. “Are you alright, my princess?”

“I’m no one’s princess, especially not yours.” That sounded more bratty than she’d intended.

“You’re the princess of the fire nation, and I am your loyal subject.” They said, running a thumb over the back of her hand (their callused hand rubbing against hers generated a pleasant friction), “Now tell me princess, what are you seeing with those eyes of yours like molten gold?”

Azula cautioned herself not to answer. Not JUST because they were laying it on way too thick. (How thick exactly? As thick as molten gold.) They were the first person ever to be aware of Ursa’s presence beside her. Maybe they were a co-conspirator. Mother had told them she would be here, so they could find her crawling in the mud and laugh - “Are you just hearing a voice, or are you seeing someone too?” 

…but they weren’t laughing.

“...There’s a woman… my mother… she’s standing right behind me.”

“Can you try to reach out and touch her?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Then, how about I try to touch her?” They let go of her hand, “Where exactly is she standing?”

“Hm…there.”

“Here?”

They walked to where Azula pointed and tried to touch the woman they couldn’t see. Their hand overlapped with Mother’s face and then naturally passed through it, to no reaction from either her or them.

“Your hand passed through her head.”

“Is she speaking?”

“Not right now.”

Feeling brave, Azula stood up and reached out to the vision too, and watched her trembling hand pass through her mother.

Yet, it did nothing to banish the vision.

“I talk to people who aren’t there too, just like you.”

“If you talk to people that aren’t there that doesn’t make you like me, that just makes you crazy,” Azula said, dismissing them.

“I just see the world differently than other people. That doesn’t make me crazy, that makes me interesting.”

“That’s what crazy people always say,” Azula said, rolling her eyes. “I’m not ungrateful you believe me about my mother, but… can I be blunt?”

“Absolutely. I can imagine what you’ll say, but hit me.”

So she did.
She suckerpunched them.
A fist right to the ribs catching them by surprise. But between their toned muscles and Azula’s lack of fire bending or force – surprise or not – it didn’t make much of an impact.

“Do you expect me to believe you’re just a kind stranger who happened to show up when I was all alone!? I may be crazy but I’m not stupid.”

They laughed, “You never change, do you…?”

“Of course not. Why change what’s already perfect?” 

Wait… why was she joking around with them?

Strange.

“Can you believe this, Lion? She’s the one who tried to fry me, and she’s acting like I’m the dangerous one. Women, they’re crazy…no wonder I’m so nuts about them.” The stranger’s habit of talking to themselves did little to reassure Azula they weren’t dangerous.  “Come on, what do I gotta do to prove I’m not dangerous?”

“You could stop hiding your face. In my country, we take our masks off in front of our guests if we want them to believe our obvious lies.” 

“No.”

“You seem to have misunderstood. That wasn’t a suggestion it was an order from your Princess.”

“You got me.” They threw up their arms, surrendering to her, “You’ve seen through my facade. Underneath all this bravado and swagger I have an awful burn on my face that I’m secretly insecure about.”

“You don’t have to worry about me judging you based on your looks. I’m already judging you based on your awful personality,” Azula said, simply stating a fact. “How did you get burned?”Did you talk out of turn during a war room meeting? I’ve heard that’s a bad idea.”

“I was in love with this real spitfire of a girl. The first time we ever kissed she spit fire in my face.”

“I’m so sorry,” Azula said in a hushed voice. 

 “Don’t be…” They lifted their mask ever so slightly, revealing a childish grin with a hidden edge of cunning, they leaned towards her, close enough for her to smell the sulfur on their breath “It was a hell of a kiss”

Azula had not noticed how close they were in proximity to one another until this moment. She pressed a single finger to their lips, pushing them away, “Oh, you misunderstand. I feel so sorry for any human female who had to kiss a dog like you.”

 Don’t act so familiar.   Azula wanted to scold herself.

There was a line between playing along to learn as much information as she could and letting your guard down. She was toeing it right now. Azula summoned a blue flame to her hand and made it dance among her five fingers as a warning of the dangers of getting too close, but the stranger didn’t heed her warning. It seemed they liked the fire. 

Azula decided to let the mystery of the mask go, “Then how about disarming yourself? Surrender all your pointy implements to me, and maybe I’ll trust you.” 

The Stranger picked up the katana at their waste still in its sheathe and handed it to her. Azula ever the demanding little princess asked for more, “You could still be concealing other weapons. Show me what you’ve got hidden beneath your cheap peasant rags.” 

“So forward of you. Is that another order? Well, guess I can’t say no to you, princess." 

What were they on about-? 

Before Azula knew what was happening, a kimono had been flung in her face.

They decided to show her they weren’t hiding any weapons by stripping off all of their clothes, down to just their tabi and zori.

They revealed a body covered in copious amounts of bandages, wrapped around their arms, legs, neck, and torso. The person was very tall, quite a bit taller than Azula, and their sun-kissed skin was the color of honey, making them seem wild and unrestrained. Their shoulders were strong and broad, and the shoulder blades that flexed beneath their golden skin hinted at a concealed strength with each lift of their arms. They weren’t overly muscular but evenly toned and while their shoulders were broad their waist was curved and feminine, with narrow hips that looked like they might crumble if they were gripped too tightly. 

Oh.

Azula was completely unaccustomed to such a carnal sight. The most undressed she’d ever seen a boy was when Zuko stripped to his trousers on Ember Island, and that was her brother. Her ears burned as she hastily turned to her head to look away. 

“Hey, where are you looking? Aren’t you supposed to be closely inspecting my body for any hidden weapons?”

“Oh, go inspect yourself,” Was Azula’s incredibly mature as she hurled the stranger’s kimono back at them, and demanded they cover themselves up again. 

When they told her it was safe to open her eyes, she said, “Now, tell me what you were doing in the woods. How did you find me?”

“It was fate. We must have known each other in a past life.”

“A past life where one of us strangled the other to death, maybe.” 

“As for what I was doing there, I’ve been living in this forest for the past three years. The people in Hira’a village call me the maskmaker. I make masks based on the animals in this forest, and sometimes I sell their skins. I was following the trail of the spirit wolf I’ve been hunting when I found you.”

“So, what? You were hunting some poor little puppy dog to prove how virile and masculine you are?”

“...It was a very big puppy dog.” The stranger’s head began to droop as if they were a puppy just scolded by their master. A dog was an apt comparison because all they’d shown themselves capable of thus far was barking. “Hey, now it’s your turn.”

Azula blinked, “My turn for what?”

“This is a conversation remember. What were you doing out here alone in the woods at night? Were you waiting for a brave swordsman to come and rescue you?”

“Oh, do you see one somewhere?” Azula mimed looking around, “All I see is a filthy dog, whining for attention from its master.” She found herself smiling like a sadistic torturer taking pleasure in stabbing a hot iron poker in her victim’s body.

The Stranger took notice of her expression, “See. I knew if I annoyed you enough I could get you to smile.”

“Wait…you were being that annoying on purpose?”

“What can I say, I’m talented.”

“You’re a true prodigy.” 

“Yep, just like you. We have so much in common.”

Azula had to bite her lip to fight the urge to laugh at the stranger’s idiocy. Dragons didn’t smile anyway, they bared their fangs to warn and opened their mouths to devour.

Just when she felt herself begin to relax, behind her the river began to babble, and then it whispered sweetly in mother’s voice. “Don’t get too close. You’ll only hurt yourself, my daughter.” 

Azula’s eyes opened wide and began wavering with overpowering terror. Her shoulders tightened. Her hands trembled. Do not turn around. Azula could not stop herself. Even if she logically told herself that her mother wasn’t here, her body wouldn’t listen to her anymore. 

Azula whipped her head around, “Don’t you pretend to care about me. You’ve never once treated me like your child, don’t start acting like a mother now.”

She forgot every lesson her father had ever drilled into her head about never showing her back to an enemy. She’d forgotten the stranger was right there next to her and left herself vulnerable. 

“Can you blame me?” Mother’s voice said. “I wanted a daughter and all I got was a wind-up doll.”

All emotion began fading from Azula’s expression. Her already stolid visage withered until there was no discernible expression left. 

“I…” Azula’s voice trembled, “I-I’m not.”

Mother’s voice surrounded her, it was in her mind, her body, it swirled like a thick, dark, poisonous smoke cloud. With every breath, the poisonous words sank into her.

“I’m not father’s wind-up doll.” Azula reasserted with terror in her eyes.

“What are you then?”

“I’m the Firelord. Father led me to the letter in my boot that says so. Now I have the evidence to take the throne from Zuko.”

“Your father must be so proud of his loyal daughter. You do everything he says.”

Her fingers were uncontrollably trembling as they dug into her joints so tightly that they turned white. She was shaking out of fear. Her soul was crying out over something even deeper than her madness - true terror.

“I bet you would kill yourself if your father ordered you to.” The voice no longer sounded like it belonged to a stranger, but an old friend. Deep, powerful, seductive, it was her voice. “Wouldn’t you, Azula?”

If Mother wasn’t there secretly sabotaging her then - she had truly gone insane. She had lost all reason. One day two years ago underneath a blazing comet had destroyed fourteen years of her life. Her fractured mind never healed from that day, it had only continued to splinter ever since.

Perhaps Zuko wasn’t put in the asylum because he feared her. Perhaps she just belonged there.  She needed to be hidden away from polite society so she didn’t embarrass her family any further.

Before she could act on the voice’s suggestion, she woke up to pain. The stranger was gripping her arms so hard her skin turned purple, their masked face a few suns away from hers. Coal-black eyes stared deep into her tawny eyes and begged her to see reality.

“Hey, doesn’t it hurt?” They asked.

Azula looked down at her sleeve which had been rolled up to reveal her forearm. Blood spilled from the fresh cuts she’d given herself.

The Stranger let go and then ripped off a piece of fabric from their kimono, and used it to wipe the blood from her wrist. Azula watched their slow diligent work, enduring the agony that was their touch. 

How brazen could they get? 

This stranger wanted to step into the dragon’s lair; wanted to touch the scars on her body of all shapes and sizes and ask, hey, doesn’t it hurt? 

A fledgling dragon’s low roar rumbled through her heart, feeble yet furious. But in the moment when the stranger reached out to try to touch her wound, she dragged her bloody injured body away in a panic.

She wasn’t used to being questioned. And even less accustomed to being cared for.

The stranger brushed their fingers against the burn she had given herself earlier, the skin still red and raw. “This burn looks pretty bad. How did you get it?” The stranger asked her, voice quiet, eyes loud with concern.

It seemed like the fledgling dragon had been so spooked that she dropped the beautiful, clever human mask she wore, exposing the ugly, scar-covered, unspeakably pathetic little dragon snout beneath. She bared her sharp fangs at this trespasser. “None of your business. Let me go or I might hurt you.”

“How are you going to hurt me?” The stranger asked indifferently, “Do you have a plan in mind?”

She didn’t.
So she froze. She even forgot to run away. 

“I’m sorry, all I have are these peasant’s rags.” 

Before Azula knew it her arm had been bandaged up with strips of cloth from the stranger’s kimono, she’d let them wrap that dirty rag around her.

Azula did not hurt the stranger as promised. It was pointless killing someone who didn’t even exist in the first place. A person who didn’t hurt or burn to touch, a person who wasn’t afraid of her, couldn’t possibly be real.

They asked her what she was seeing. Since the stranger wasn’t real anyway, and she was just sitting here alone there was no reason to lie, lying to one’s self was difficult after all. 

“Mother was…” she explained in detail.

“I don’t think you should listen to your mother, especially if she tells you to hurt yourself. Who cares about what some dead bitch has to say?” The stranger said nonchalantly and shrugged, and Azula wanted to believe it was truly that simple but- 

At that moment another voice spoke, feminine, powerful, and seductive, “I love you Azula, I do.”

“Liar!”

The last thread of self-restraint snapped in Azula, and she fired lightning right into the river water to destroy the image of her mother. The water exploded and then fell on them from above in a light rain.

Azula raised her eyes and saw on the other side of the river’s embankment, Zuko was standing there. He had been pursuing her for a long time, but whatever determination he had to hunt her was gone replaced by confusion. “Who are you talking to?”

“Mother. We’re supposed to be finding her aren’t we?” Azula tried to keep herself balanced which was a more difficult task than it should have been for a martial arts prodigy. Her form was so sloppy, that father would have broken her legs if he saw her standing like this. “I don’t know why she’s being so difficult to find. Maybe she doesn’t want to be found. Maybe she didn’t like you as much as you thought she did.”

“Enough games. Why did you jump off the bison? All you needed to do was keep to our deal and we could have found her together.” 

Azula was about to tell the masked stranger to her side to get ready for a fight or at least get out of the way, only to see there was no one standing next to her. The stranger was never real after all.

“Please, I don’t want to do this,” Zuko said, readying a much sturdier fire-bending stance.

“You’re a good liar. Maybe you won’t be such a bad firelord after all.”

“Out of the way, Zuko.”

Before either of them could make a single spark female water tribe lifted the river water and wrapped it around Azula, freezing it to restrain her. She was left lying on the ground, unable to move like she was back in the asylum again bound by a straitjacket. 

Everyone began talking, but Azula didn’t absorb a single detail of that information. Her eyes were focused up in the trees, where the masked stranger was standing on a particularly wide branch, pressing a finger to their lips to warn Azula to stay quiet.

From the tree branch, a small bomb dropped right in front of the waterbender. It exploded into a cloud of smoke that blanketed the entire area. 

The masked stranger jumped down from the trees and landed right in front of her. They knelt at her level, “You’re not very good at making friends, are you, Lazuli?” 

Was that a nickname?

“Just get me out of here. Even a dog like you should be able to follow commands from their master.” 

“Running away, are we?”

“It’s a tactical retreat.”

“Sure, I’ll do it.” The stranger held one finger up in the air, “For one date.”

“What?”

“Now, it’s two dates.”

“You can’t possibly think-”

“Three dates. The price is going to keep going up. Have you ever thought about marriage, Princess?”

Another voice came out of the stranger’s mouth in a hiss. “Pay attention you fool, they have-” 

In an instant the cloud of smoke they thought would give them reliable cover was blown away, revealing four teenagers, one of which was the avatar against the two of them. “They have an airbender. That’s cheating.”

“Only losers whine about cheating.” The stranger said to themselves.

“Then, what do winners do, Lion?”

“They cheat.” The stranger rolled their eyes (at themselves).

Azula watched the strangers argue with themselves. Why was she locked in an asylum for two years while they were allowed to roam free?

Life was truly unfair.

The stranger turned to face Zuko’s peasant pals. “I get that she’s not exactly the most likable person, but what exactly did the princess do to make all of you kiddos so angry?”

“Hey, listen we’re the good guys!” The peasant with the wolf ponytail said, “She’s not who you think she is.”

“Neither am I.” The stranger said, their eyes narrowing, “Too bad I’m not one of the good guys. My only goal in life is to marry rich so I can spend all day long writing poetry, and gossiping with the other wives. So I think I’ll stick with the princess unless someone else wants to propose.”

“I kind of want to kill this guy.” The female water tribe said.

“Most women have that reaction to me.” 

The river water moved at the female water tribe’s command and then wrapped itself around the masked stranger’s arms. Yet, they remained still and didn’t attempt to dodge. 

Azula noticed that while the stranger’s arms were bound, their fingers were free. They flexed their fingers and from between those fingers, Azula saw the same sparks jumping that precluded her lightning. However, instead of striking out and giving the lightning a path to leave their body, they held it all within themselves. It must have been like putting their hand directly on a live wire.

The electricity that the stranger was gathering within their own body traveled through the water and then to the female water tribe frying her into unconsciousness.

The stranger should have felt the same shock but they were still standing while smelling heavily of burnt hair and flesh.

“This…” Male water tribe began to say, voice much graver, “Is why we should never have trusted her.” 

“Hey,” The Stranger said, swaying slightly as they stepped forward, “We’re both down a princess. How about we call a time-out and try to talk things out?”

“Try that again.” Zuko seemed especially incensed. She’d thought the avatar would be angrier, but then again Azula never quite understood the subtleties of teen romance. “Try any sort of lightning and I’ll redirect it.”

“I was talking to the avatar. Not everything is about you, my Firelord,” The masked stranger said, deflecting a fireball hurled in their direction like it was a mere annoyance. “I’m the Mask Maker. If you ask around Hira’a village they’ll know about me. I make masks based off fo the animals living in the forgetful valley, and sometimes I hunt them. For the past three days, I’ve been hunting a spirit wolf. If you’re looking for something in the forest I can guide you there.”

Azula who was busy trying to melt the ice that restrained her raised her head, “Do you know how to do anything other than yap?” 

“It’s called buying time…”

“Until…?”

“Until my lunch gets here.”

A large wolf twice the size of the avatar’s sky bison approached the group from behind. When it exhaled, from its mouth and nose what looked like smoke but was a swarm of moth-wasps. The living, breathing cloud descended on them, and the beating of hundreds of pairs of wings sounded, the cloud that carried the threat of hundreds of stingers.

“That…” Azula said, “is a big puppy dog.” 

“Alright, let’s go.” The Stranger said. 

“Go where?”

“Off to our honeymoon. Where do you think we’re going? We’re making a tactical retreat.”

“Wait…”

Azula had an eye for people. She’d spotted something interesting. Perhaps she’d erred in her judgment before trying to leave Zuko behind early and handle the search for Mother on her own. The Stranger looked ready to run away with their tail between their legs, but Azula commanded them to sit and stay with a mere look. 

Then, to her brother. “Free me, Zuzu. I’ll take care of these spirits for you,” She called out to her brother.

“We don’t need your help, Azula.” 

“Oh right, because you and your friends have everything under control.”

(“Ow! Ow! Ow! Did they eat my whole arm? I can’t see my arm.”)
(“Try not to hurt them. They’re spirit creatures.”)
(“Katara! Katara! Wake up!”)

They did not in fact have everything under control.

“I’ll admit it, all right? I shouldn’t have run off on my own like that. After all, we made a deal.” Azula said, “Come on. If you can’t trust your family, who can you trust? It’s not like you have a lot of family left, either, let me die here and it’ll just be you and Dad in his jail cell. I bet those are going to be some awkward birthday parties, Zuzu.” 

Zuko was forced to admit she had a point. He helped to melt the ice that bound her, and Azula did what she always did. She saw her path to victory and took it. 

Watching the stranger bend lightning inspired her, rather than letting the lightning free right away she held it within herself, gathering more and more until finally letting loose lightning that crackled like fireworks across the horizon, drawing the attention of the wolf and the moth-wasp swarm. 

“You’re welcome.”

Azula’s skin was only slightly singed afterward.

“Well, I trust her.” The masked stranger said.

“Who are you?” Zuko finally took notice of them. 

The masked stranger only snickered.

(If Zuko could see them too did that mean they were real?) 

She did not know whether she wanted the answer to that question to be yes or no. 

Chapter 2: Inferno

They fled the wolf spirit, but according to their guide, Hira’a village was still a day’s walk away. The group decided to camp, and Azula decided to comply. 

“Well, my feet hurt and my manicure’s completely ruined.” Mask Maker had suddenly flopped down on the grass, “Time for a cat nap! You all can do whatever you want but if you try to wake me I’m biting you.” 

“You want to stop here in a spot with no cover in a forest full of things that want to kill us in our sleep! Especially that thing right there!” 

Azula looked around before realizing Boomerang was pointing at her, and smirked, “Which is a good incentive for you to be nice to the crazy murderous princess.”

“Azula!” Zuko hissed, “We don’t joke about murdering my friends.” 

What a bore. 

Oh well, this always happened. Azula, the outsider. She’d watch everyone laugh and try to join in, but when she talked, everyone froze, and when she smiled, everyone stopped smiling. 

She sat down leaning against a tree, not helping as everyone set up camp. Everyone seemed relieved that she was keeping her distance. Everyone except for the avatar, who tried being diplomatic, “So Azula usually when setting up camp we try to divide up the work. Some of us might fetch water, while others might set up the firepit or put up tents.” 

Azula was surprised at his audacity, “Is there a reason you’re talking to me?”

“W-well I just thought we started off on the wrong foot.”

“Which foot would that be? The foot where I killed you, or the foot where you stripped my father of his bending and threw him in prison?”

“Hey, I uh-I just don’t think it’s right the way everyone is treating you. We’re all ganging up on you like we’re all in some kind of gang… of not nice people.” 

“You’re not very good at talking to girls are you?” Azula cut right through his rambling, “It’s no wonder that girls don’t like you.”

“Hey, girls like me just fine! I have a girlfriend. She’s right there!” 

“Don’t bother asking her to help with chores. She doesn’t know how. She wouldn’t be any good at it.”  Zuko spoke without looking up from the tent that he was struggling to pitch. “It’ll go quicker if we don’t have to go back and fix her mistakes.” 

Azula was speechless. She was quite affronted, a little indignant even. She'd never been anything but competent and reliable. If she was leading soldiers she’d be indispensable, but someone had just stepped before her and said, She doesn’t know how, she wouldn’t be any good at it. 

Zuko was right though, everything went faster with just the four of them. Azula helped a great deal, by leaning against a tree and not helping. 

“You know, the thing about those self-righteous types is that they love forgiving, it makes them feel like they’re good people.”

Azula heard another voice only she could hear. She wanted to scream but she did not scream. She did not scream when her brother’s face was scalded off, and she did not scream now. Raising her eyes she saw the Mask Maker hanging upside down from a tree branch above. 

“What I’m saying is, if you say sorry, they'll forgive you and pat themselves on the back for it.”

Tilting her chin up ever so slightly she met their upside-down gaze,  “But that would be a lie, and nice girls like me don’t tell lies.”

“If…” Gravity made the stranger’s mask slip just enough to reveal their lips, or rather what remained. Their lips were burnt fleshy, pink, and raw and their mouth slit from ear to ear. They  couldn’t smile or frown, only pull back their lips and bare their teeth like an animal, “If the girl who gave me the kiss of death said sorry, then I’d forgive her…” Somehow even without lips they were fucking smirking. “I’m a gentleman, after all.”

“Really? I thought you were scum.”

“People are complex.”

“If I were the girl who burned you I wouldn’t apologize.” Azula sat up taking a deep breath as she brought her hand to her lips. She spat a small blue cinder at the stranger, the same way one would blow a kiss, just with a little more spark. “Apologies are for when one does something wrong, and the only thing that girl did wrong was letting a mongrel like you kiss her in the first place.” 

The sparks blinded Mask Maker and they fell from the tree. The dragon wasn’t in the mood to kill her prey, just tease them a little bit. She just wanted to see the moment the mask fell from their face, but they immediately sat up and fixed their mask. 

Apparently, cats did always land on their feet.

“Come now, why not just get in the middle of a soggy group hug with your brother’s friends?” 

She thought of lying, but she saw their eyes and she knew. She knew those eyes because they were the same as hers. Eyes of liars. Deceiving eyes. She knew those eyes could see underneath her clothes, underneath her flesh, all the cracks in her form. Mask Maker could see her, and they knew because they were broken in the same ways. 

So, what use would it be to lie to a liar? 

“They’re too noisy. The only good thing about being kept in isolation at the asylum was I didn’t have to see my brother’s stupid face for two years.”

“He didn’t visit for two years?” 

Azula wasn't sure why they were shocked by that fact. She certainly wasn’t. “I did receive one visitor, but ugh,” The less Azula thought about her the better, “Everything outside the asylum is… hard, bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch… it’s hell just getting through the next moment, and the one after that…and they’re making it worse.”

“Do you want me to take them out?” The Mask Maker snapped like a stage performer and made lightning dance off of their fingers, “The avatar would take my bending, but I could probably thin the herd a little before he got to me.”

Azula laughed so loud she startled herself with the sound of her own laughter. 

She laughed for all sorts of reasons. She couldn’t scream when she saw Zuko’s flesh boil and bubble so she laughed. She laughed on the night grandfather announced he was going to kill Zuko, and when mother disappeared the next morning she laughed then too. 

It was strange to laugh just because she found something funny. 

Apparently, the others found it strange too, because they were staring. Azula shielded her face with her hand, “Why are you hovering around me when I’m trying to be alone and miserable?”

“Well, I figure if I sit here and annoy you, you’ll join the rest of the group just to avoid me.”

“You figure correctly,” Azula said, before moving to join the others, “Get out of the way, water tribe, I’ll handle the cooking.”

“Why? So you can poison our food?” Boomerang asked.

“Now, why would I poison food that I’m going to be eating too?”

“The poison wouldn’t work on you. Snake rats can’t be poisoned by their own venom.”

Azula was a dragon, not a snake. She was tempted to show him the difference, but higher reason prevailed when the avatar once again thought it was his business to interrupt, “Sokka, stop provoking her every chance you get.” 

“Hey, I’m the good guy here.. She’s lucky we don’t have her in chains after what she tried-”

“All she’s tried to do so far is run away, and with the way you’re acting, I can see why. Being the good guys requires you to be gooder, - or uh, better than your enemies. Otherwise, we’re just the guys…Oh, Katara’s here too so I guess we’d be the guys and gals.” 

“Way to forget your own girlfriend, man.”

“That’s not your business. I’m sorry, isn't Suki on the other side of the continent?”

“Of course, it’s my business. Suki’s not my sister. Katara is.”

“I sure hope Suki’s not your sister.” 

Azula decided to ignore their manzai routine and focus on getting her cooking flame to the exact right temperature.

Time passed. It slipped through her fingers too quickly these days. The meal was finished and Azula was listening to them all daring each other to try her food first with a strained smile. She lost her patience and spooned curry right into the avatar’s mouth. 

Zuko, Boomerang, and Water Tribe all braced themselves for a fight. It looked like Azula was about to have water, fire, and a boomerang thrown at her, but Aang piped up,  “Mmmmm, it’s not bad.”

“Not bad, how flattering.”

“I’m sorry, It’s really good.”

“I acknowledge that you’re sorry, but I don’t forgive you.”

“It’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten! Thank you for making this food for me to eat!” 

Gosh, the avatar really was desperate to please people. It reminded her somewhat of Ty Lee (and now it was time to stop thinking about that topic). The others felt brave enough to try their portions.

However, after Aang was about halfway through his bowl he suddenly dropped his chopsticks.

“Is something the matter, Avatar?" Azula asked. 

“...Hot.” 

“What?”

“Hot, hot, hot, it’s so hot! My tongue is owie!” Aang said as he ripped the water skin from Katara’s side and poured water down his throat to put out the fire in his stomach.

Sokka started to howl, “What kind of food is this? I think I’m dying!”

Azula raised an eyebrow, “This is a hidden, treasured, royal family recipe…”

“BULLSHIT! WHAT HIDDEN, TREASURED RECIPE? WHAT ROYALTY? YOU GET THE HELL OUTTA-” Boomerang’s tirade was interrupted when he collapsed from pain in his stomach.

Aang, who was unfailingly polite, picked up his chopsticks again. “It was… so nice of you to cook… what spices did you use…?”

“All of them.”

“All…of…the…spices…”

Azula was an excellent chef who could prepare food worthy of being served in the palace kitchens, but she was a fire nation down to her core, she liked food that tasted like it burned.  Which left her quite confused because she’d prepared something that was only mild. 

She looked to her brother, who shrugged in response, “I thought it could use a little more spice, honestly.”

The only one who wasn’t making a fuss was Mask Maker who’d already finished. When they asked for seconds, Water Tribe, Boomerang, and Avatar all offered him theirs. “When a pretty girl makes you food, you eat it.”

“What if it’s poisoned?” Boomerang asked.

“If a pretty girl decides to poison me, then I’m probably the one who did something wrong. Speaking of, Katya I’m sorry you had to get a taste of my electrifying personality..”

Katya?

Oh, Water Tribe. 

She seemed confused by the nickname too, taking a second to answer. “I acknowledge that you’re sorry, but I don’t forgive you.”

“Katara, that’s not being very fair. You attacked them first. Think about it from their perspective-” 

“Aangie, why don’t you think about it from my perspective? You’re supposed to take my side, those are the boyfriend rules.”

“There are boyfriend rules!?” 

“That’s fine. My mother wouldn’t forgive me either if she knew I’d hurt someone from the water tribe.” 

“Why would some jerk nation lady care…” Water Tribe began, but then she stopped when her eyes caught sight of a blue bead hanging around  Mask Maker’s neck, and like a magpie crow she reached to snatch it away without thinking. “Why do you have one of these? Who did you steal it from?” 

Azula was confused for a moment why a peasant who chose to dress like that was suddenly getting so fussy about jewelry until she noticed the shade of the bead matched one Water Tribe was wearing in her hair.

That was Water Tribe jewelry. She probably suspected it had been looted from a corpse as a war trophy.

“My mother gave it to me,” Mask Maker curled their fingers over Water Tribe’s gently encouraging her to loosen her grip, “She was kidnapped and made into a Wartime Geisha. Marrying a Fire Nation Man was her only way to survive. As a result of that marriage, I was born. Father forced her to hide her heritage, and by the time she died, the only thing she left behind was this bead, the name Mitka, and the stories she grew up with.” 

“No wonder you’re such a tomcat. It’s like they say the child of a wildcat is a wildcat too.” 

“Azula!” Zuko gasped like an offended mother. 

“I don’t get it.” The avatar scratched his bald head.

“Wildcat is a slang word for Geisha. Geisha are performers in the fire nation, but my father slept with one and had me so she’s basically calling my mother a whore,” The Mask Maker said, their face remaining still (of course it was still it was a mask), “I wonder princess, if you’re such a genius then shouldn’t you be able to think for yourself instead of mindlessly repeating other people’s opinions?” 

Great. Yet another person who found some fault and thought it was their job to fix her. “Can we just skip the sob story and get to the point? We’re looking for a woman named Ursa-”

“Azula!” Zuko interrupted again, “Their mother is dead.”

“Well, so is ours. They can join the club.” 

“Oh my…I guess dealing with you requires an unbelievable amount of patience.”

“The way you put that, it almost sounds like I’m the one who’s hard to get along with, not you.” Azula raised an eyebrow as she met Mask Maker’s gaze across the fire, “You’re the one who thinks they can say whatever they want in front of their betters.”

Mask Maker looked at her brother, “Hey, Firelord, can I have permission to say whatever I want?”

“Mmm, go ahead.”

Eloquent as always, dear brother. 

She didn’t know what compelled her to argue with Mask Maker, they just rubbed her the wrong way and friction like that inevitably creates sparks. In the summer this hot, one spark was all that was needed to start a fire, and when this kind of fire started it was very hard to put out. 

Now it had gotten out of control and they were both playing with fire, even the campfire between them was being influenced by both of them, flickering shades of blue, orange, and white as they fought for control. 

“Even after she was gone, I remembered the stories my mother used to tell me to terrify me into obedience. One was of a spirit named Koh, who gouged out the eyes, ripped off the ears, bit off the nose, and  pulled out the tongue of any child who wandered too far away making it impossible for them to come home.” 

“Koh the Face Stealer,” Water Tribe answered.

“He stole my girlfriend’s face in a previous life,” Avatar commented. “Don’t worry though Katara, I’d never let him steal YOUR face.” 

“It was when reading up on fire nation myths to look for a supernatural solution to this…”  The Masked Man removed their mask. The entire upper half of their face was still covered in dirty bandages. The parts of their skin still visible were brown like leather, and the remains of their black hair stuck out from between the bandages in tufts. “That I came across a similar fire nation legend of a spirit named Noh.” 

It was still impossible to recognize that face.
Azula loved to lie, but she hated being lied to.
Secrets bothered her.
Made her brain itch. 

“Noh, like Noh masks? Zuko said.

“What are Noh masks?” Boomerang asked.

“A type of blank, featureless mask used in theater. As it is difficult to tell the feelings expressed in a noh mask, it’s up to the performer to imbue the mask with emotion, becoming the mask themselves.” Azula liked theater, but she felt a special understanding for the performers wearing Noh masks. 

She’d always been trained to keep her features exactly like a Noh Mask. Eventually, the mask became glued to her face, impossible to remove without tearing the flesh underneath. 

How do you take off a mask when it stops being a mask?

( When it’s as much a part of me as I am? )

“Legends that originated around Hira’a village told of a story of Noh the Maker of Masks, or the Mother of Faces. If two different nations can tell similar stories, maybe they aren’t as different as we think.”

“The greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation, we are all one people but we live as if divided,” Aang repeated to himself in a whisper.

“Everything in this world derives from a single substance, which was altered in various ways creating the heavens and the earth, and the four elements. Due to this, all things are connected and affect one another.”

“Uhh, yeah what he said,” Aang said with much less confidence.

“This story however doesn’t begin with Noh or Kot, but a single spirit. They were a lot like me, neither male, nor female, neither he nor she, but a they. The spirit was so lonely they mutilated their own body to create another smaller. I believe that’s what they call childbirth.”

“Wait,” Water Tribe interrupted, “Isn’t this the part where you interject with something ignorant?” 

“Gender isn’t as strict in the fire nation.” It wasn’t, “It’s a tradition in some families for boys to be dressed up as girls for the first few years of their lives. I still think we should have done that with Zuzu.”

“Hey!” 

“I think you’d look good,” Water Tribe was clearly imagining it.

“You can still borrow my clothes anytime you want.  I think pink would go well with your scar.”

Zuko didn’t flinch the way he used to whenever she brought up his scar. Almost as if the wound was beginning to scab over and heal (if so then why not hers?). She knew why. (Invisible wounds like hers didn’t heal, nor did they merit any sympathy from others). 

What was worse, having scars that everyone could see, or that no one could see? 

“Eventually Koh noticed his mother treated him differently from the humans. While all other creatures had a face, Koh just had mutilated flesh where a face should have been. His mother forced him to hide behind a mask all the time. His mother regarded him as nothing more than a shapeless spawn, an automatic failure at birth, an aborted fetus that never should have been able to survive outside of the womb.” 

At that moment the fire brightened, illuminating Mask Maker’s stolid visage, Azula noticed how little their leathery face moved, they were quite misshapen themselves. Perhaps they empathized with Koh. 

“In order to try to earn his mother’s love, he ripped the face off of a handsome human she doted on, but that only made her abandon him. Even though she was the one who made him, she could not bring herself to love the hideous monster that had spawned from her.”

(Perhaps she did, too).

(Shapeless spawn. Automatic Failure at Happiness).

(How could you fool yourself into thinking you would be loved when you’re so ugly?)

Out of the corner of her eye, Azula saw a shadow moving.
When she blinked, it was gone. 

Focus.

“Nice story, but we’ve come here looking for a woman named Ursa. She was raised in Hira'a village before entering into an arranged marriage with our father.”

“Oh, her. Yeah, she’s dead.” 

“I see.”

“Returned home ten years ago and disappeared into the woods shortly after, just another victim of the cherry blossoms.”

“...Don’t you think you ought to have led with that fact?” Azula raised an incredulous brow. 

“Time is an illusion, therefore stories don’t need to be told in order. I swear, you have no appreciation for the art of storytelling.”

“Neither do you, it seems.” 

“She just disappeared? A body was never found?”  Zuko asked.

If there was a body she’d find it. Azula needed to find her mother’s corpse, to kill her mother a second time. If there wasn’t a corpse then well…

“What do you mean a victim of the cherry blossoms?” Water Tribe.

“If you’re ever in the Fire Nation in Spring, you should see the Peach Cherry Blossom trees. When the pink blossoms fall from the trees and are scattered by the wind they dye the skies pink for a few days, but they say that the lovely shade of pink comes from a corpse.”

“...A corpse?”

“Yes, the reason the peach cherry trees bloom beautifully underneath is because of the corpse buried underneath. You see, peach cherry blossoms start out white, white like snow…” Mask Maker smiled so wide that they stretched the stitches holding their slashed open cheeks together, and began to bleed from the corners of their mouth, “...And turn red by drinking the blood of the corpse beneath them.”

“I used to tell Zuzu that I’d bury him underneath the tree in Mother’s gardens to make the blossoms a pretty shade of pink. You know, kids stuff,” Azula blurted.

"The villagers of Hira’a also call this the Hanging Forest. Four years ago when I arrived they told me some villagers heard the mother calling to them. Many go missing searching for her every year, most of them are found swinging from the tree branches weeks later."

The entire time Azula had heard the whispering winds and rustling branches. What if it wasn’t animals moving out of sight, however, but bodies swinging back and forth on the breeze?                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Azula herself had seen countless corpses burnt until their bones turned black, but she’d only seen one suicide, it was when her roommate in the asylum hung herself with her bedsheets. 

Her feet weren’t touching the ground. That’s all Azula remembered thinking.

(Her feet weren’t touching the ground).

“Have you ever thought a forest might be…” The Mask Maker began.

“One living being?” Avatar finished.

“Just like any living thing the forest hungers. It desires. It even dreams.” As she saw the leaves on the branches shake Azula could swear she felt the forest breathing down her neck, “Sometimes I think the forest is just the head of some creature we can’t see the rest of. We’re inside a huge head, that dreams us all into being.”

(Perhaps it’s your head, Azula).

In that moment Azula felt like she had become an essential part of some incomprehensible biological process. The forest was an organism, hungry for her madness. It was a maze of dreams, and she was the little girl lost alone in the woods.

“I spent weeks searching the forest for the Mother of Faces. When I ran out of money for supplies, I went back into the village and started to sell these-” He lifted his mask up, “Warding masks to ward spirits so the villagers could travel through the forest safely.” 

“So you were scamming them,” Water Tribe said. 

“That’s not a nice way to put it. Honest, but not very nice.”

“Wait,” Avatar said, “That doesn’t explain why you were hunting that poor little puppy dog.” 

“The mother makes a pilgrimage to one of four pools in this forest once a year. As she makes her procession, she is escorted by a wolf with face marks on his chest. I thought if I hurt him he’d go running home to mommy.”

“Why are you so desperate to have your face healed?” Water Tribe asked, “I know the scar you’re hiding must be painful, but can’t you find a way to live with it? Isn’t that better than spending the last four years chasing a fairy tale?” 

It’s not the scar I’m worried about. My personality is more than enough to make up for an ugly face. The girl who banished me, burned my face so I could never sneak back into Caldera without being recognized.” 

“Wow, Zuzu, another banished disappointment with a burn and a sob story. It makes your burn and sob story seem so much less special.”

“Azula, I’m warning you. I’m about to lose my patience.”

“Then, don't let me keep you from having fun with your friends. I'll just go to bed early like a good little girl."

Azula stood and began to walk away.
That was enough scary bedtime stories, it was time for bed.

“I still don’t understand. Why are you helping us?” The Avatar asked.

“For my own self-serving reasons. If the avatar is with me, then it’s more likely the Mother of Faces will appear.” 

“I mean, what do you want? It’s just so hard to tell when I can’t see-”

“To go home. Isn’t that what everyone wants?”

Isn’t it? 

Azula didn’t know when she had started dreaming (time was an illusion and so were dreams) but she knew she must be dreaming because there wasn’t a waterfall in the forgetful valley. 

The water pounded her back, numbing her skin and freezing the blood in her veins. As the water pounded her into shape, a pair of hands reached for her. The hands warmed her wherever they touched, and reached to reshape her body like it was wet sticky clay. 

Those hands were so gentle as they caressed Azula’s face. 

So warm…

Her mother had warm, gentle hands like this.

When she stepped out from underneath the waterfall, Mother was waiting. She wasn’t a corpse. Corpses weren’t warm like this. Azula into her mother’s embrace and in her arms she felt whole, fulfilled. 

Happy. 

She was a child again, a true prodigy, and hers was a future of infinite possibilities. In her joy, the rush of the moment, she never stopped to consider that some might be bad.

Suddenly, Mother was letting go. Mother was saying goodbye and she didn’t know why. She’d closed her eyes in Mother’s embrace, but when she opened them again Mother had gone away. She’d noticed Zuko and left Azula behind for him.

Oh, she remembered this. Just like she’d returned to being a child again, she’d returned to a memory. In the past, it was always like this, Mother and Zuko walking in the garden together and Azula trailing behind. Zuko was looking at mother, and mother was looking at Zuko, and no one was looking at Azula.

Azula was a child again, and like a child, she lost her temper. She lit a rose bush on fire to get her mother’s attention, but as the bush went up in flames she could see something emerging from inside. 

It was a small diminutive form without features, little more than a child-sized mannequin. Nothing to be afraid of, yet to Azula’s uncomprehending horror as the puppet somehow moved without strings and cried out for its mother without words. 

“Who is that?” Zuko asked.

“That’s my daughter and your new baby sister.” 

“Mother, no-” 

Mother combed her fingers through Azula’s hair. At first, she looked to be just fussing with her hair,  but then she tore the hair from Azula’s scalp and put it on the clay doll. She placed her hand on Azula’s breast and plucked out her heart for the doll. 

The doll became animate and began to move towards Zuko. “I’m sorry Azula,  but look how happy your brother is to finally have a real baby sister and not a wind-up doll. You couldn’t take that away from him, could you?”

“How can you do this? You’re my mother too!”

“I know, and I’m really sorry, but I loved your brother first, and best. His needs take priority.”

Azula wanted to shout that she was her mother’s child, that she needed her too, but Ursa suddenly peeled the lips off of her face.

“There, that’s better.”

She stole all of Azula’s unique features one by one and placed them onto the clay doll. Finally, she stole the spark of fire bending deep down inside of her - all to give to a daughter she could love. 

Azula could no longer see by this point because her mother had scooped both of her eyeballs out of their sockets. In the dark, she heard Ursa’s tearful goodbye.

“If what you say is true… if I really am your mother… Then I’m sorry I didn’t love you enough.”

Mother said she was sorry - as though that would make everything alright as she left her.

“I love you Azula, I do… I did… I just loved you a little less.”

Azula would scream, but she had no mouth. A nothing being, in a nowhere place. 

Abandoned, and alone. 

These days Azula slept holding on tightly to herself to try and stop the shaking, sometimes the shakes got so bad she feared she might crumble. Usually, the whispers of her mind woke her up, but this morning what woke her was the feeling of being watched. 

She saw a pair of eyes - the eyes of an unseen lion tiger hiding in the grass. The figure stayed out of reach, unmoving, leading Azula to question if it really was someone there or if she was just seeing the shadows move. 

The tension-riddled seconds stretched on as she closed her eyes and feigned sleep. Her sight cut off, she was extra sensitive to a tug at her scalp, and - wait, were they touching her hair?

Azula grabbed for a knife hidden underneath her pillow and threw Mask Maker off. She lunged for Mask Maker’s throat with both hands, armed and otherwise. The predator became the prey as their back hit the grass, and they were pinned with a knife at their jugular. 

“You know, this is the second time you’ve tried to kill me in the past twelve hours.” Mask Maker whistled remarkably happily for someone caught between a dragon's teeth, about to be swallowed whole, “It’s a good thing I’m not insecure otherwise I’d worry that you don’t like me.”

“I don't like you,” 

“Awe and I was trying so hard to be likable.” If Azula didn’t know any better she’d think the Mask maker just squirmed. It must have been lack of sleep making her imagine things. Her grip on the knife tightened. So did her legs, on Mask Maker's thigh, though that was just reflexes.

Azula didn’t know if it was instinct, or disgust that made the knife flinch away from Mask Maker’s neck. She didn’t drop it, but it was too late, they seized on her momentary weakness.

They lunged, and Azula found herself flipped over and landing flat on her back. They grabbed hold of her hand and fought her over the same weapon, and winning the struggle stabbed it right into the ground a fraction of a sun away from her ear. 

The way they’d landed, they were so close their noses touched, and the ends of their long hair tickled her cheeks. They managed to catch themselves before they crushed her, propping themselves up on one arm, but for a few infuriating seconds, they did not move. She could smell the smoke on their breath, and taste the specks of ash. 

“Sorry, reflexes. My old man beat all that swordplay into me pretty hard, my body remembers even if I’d like to forget.” Mask Maker pushed off of her and returned to a sitting position.

It took a long moment for Azula to even her breathing and gather the threads of her composure. “Why were you watching me sleep?”

“Well, obviously, it’s because I’m a creep who likes to watch girls sleep.” 

She… she wasn’t expecting them to admit it.

“What? If this were a romance novel my behavior would be romanticized.”

“If this were a romance novel, it would end with a murder-suicide!”

“You were muttering in your sleep….” Oh, so that was it, “Were you dreaming about your mother?”

Azula recalled a horrorshow nightmare wherein her mother stripped her of everything of value, and then her very identity, and gave them to a new girl, a replacement daughter whom she could love. She said she was sorry as if that would make everything alright, as she left her daughter, a nothing being, in a nowhere place.

Abandoned and alone. 

“No, I dreamt I went on a date with you,” She said, with a mean quirk on her lips. 

“How’d it go?”

“It ended in a murder-suicide.”

“If you don’t want to tell me,” Mask Maker shifted self-consciously, glancing back at the others asleep in their bedrolls, “Why not tell them?” 

“Why not tell them what?” Azula lied. It was weak coming from her. 

“Why not tell them you’re hearing voices?”

“Because only crazy people hear voices.” 

Azula’s lies were so transparent she was beginning to wonder why she bothered. Did she just not know how to tell the truth anymore? 

She needed to remember pragmatism, to look at the situation for what it was. 

There was no mercy in these woods. Nothing remotely soft or gentle. She needed to think of what to do next that was best for her survival, but that was the problem wasn’t it? The realization of how badly she had been cheated would break her. That’s why the insane retreated into delusions was it not, because they were too weak (she was too weak).

Did they… “Do you want me to admit that I’m alone? That even my own mind’s turning against me?”

“Has it?” 

“Well, hasn’t it?”

“Has it?”

“Am I conversing with an imbecile?” 

“What if the voice is trying to help you, and you’re just not listening?” 

“What are you suggesting? Should I talk to myself in public to let everyone else know I’m crazy as you do?” 

“Haha, yeah sorry about that. I’ve been alone for so long with just me and my brain buddy that I forgot you’re not supposed to say everything you think out loud.”

“Good job convincing her we’re not crazy, Mitka.”

“Was that sarcasm?”

“What do you think? Never mind I can hear what you are thinking and it’s stupid.” 

Oh, look they were doing it again.  “...A brain buddy?” Azula said, incredulously.

“I told you, I’m not a he, or a she, I’m a they. I’m still one person, but I wear many different masks.”  The Mask Maker said, pulling off their cat mask, “It’s the same for you right, crown princess, and daughter are two different masks you wear but they’re both Azula, right?”

“I don’t know…”

“Hm?”

“I don’t know if I’m Azula anymore. No one who knew me would look at me right now and think, that’s Azula, that’s the prodigy.” 

Azula thought of herself this way in the past: A perfect doll, crafted with flawless porcelain skin.
But now there were cracks inside of her.
(Like cracks in the mirror). 

The feelings she held in her heart, dripped out from the cracks of her body until there was no one left inside of her. Was she still Azula, or had she become someone else? 

After all, she’d already smashed the mirror. She’d watched as the girl in the mirror crumbled. When would it be her turn to crumble? She doubted her mind would last much longer. Mind aside, what about her heart?

Hearing her say so, Mask Maker’s gaze traveled over her. “I don’t understand why you’d think that way about yourself. If someone  who truly knew you, saw you right now at your worst rolling in the dirt and unable to get up, they wouldn’t say something like ‘Ah, maybe that Princess Azula isn’t so great after all’.”

Their face had grown solemn.

“If it were me, I’d think the princess sitting on the throne is you, the princess locked away as a prisoner in an asylum is you, and the fallen, runaway princess is also you. What matters is you, and not the state of you, and you’re Azula who I think is a pretty great person to be..”

Mask Maker placed their mask right on top of Azula’s face. “When I was younger I was always crying, then I started hearing the Lion's voice. She was like a mask I could wear to protect myself. So, if you still feel it’s too hard to be Azula right now, I can make you a new mask.” 

What little remained of the campfire was crackling soundly, and for a good while, the two remained silent.  “Did I say too much?”

“What you said was good. Very right.” Azula replied. “Don’t think you’ve flattered me though, you don’t get any points for pointing out the obvious.” 

She didn’t think anything of how far they were going to try to comfort her. They weren’t real after all. She’d never been able to sit this comfortably with a real person before. She was sure as soon as they blinked, they would disappear.

Suddenly, she became afraid to blink.

The uncomfortable yet comfortable mood that had settled between them was shattered like a comb thrown through a mirror with a single thought. 

“...Are you the one who gave me this blanket?”

“No, your brother  came over and draped that blanket on your shoulders, and then he stole a letter from your boot.”

“He what?”

“I know, right? What if it was a letter from your boyfriend or something? Oh, or your girlfriend. Either way works for me since I’m neither a man nor a woman.”

“Where did he go?” Azula hissed.

Mask Maker pointed west.

Azula didn’t remember the trip Just that she tore through the forest like a wildfire. 

In the summer this hot, one spark was all that was needed to start a fire, and when this kind of fire started it was very hard to put out. A blue fire boiled the blood in her veins making her feel physically ill. 

No wonder the Mask knew so much about her. They must have been a plant. Zuko and Mother sent them. Perhaps, they laughed about it together, poor lost little Azula, ridiculing her in private.

The more rational part of her told her it was mere coincidence that Mask Maker found her because they’d just been both lost in the woods at the same time, Mask Maker empathized with her because of that fact, but the darker, more primal part insisted with a dragon’s roar it all must have been a scheme for her to lower her guard down just so Zuko could get that letter.

They’d all been conspiring against her. All of them. She took the first outstretched hand that was offered to her because she was desperate, and knowing she was desperate they’d appear at her lowest point to take advantage of her.

It all seemed perfectly rational.

Perfectly, perfectly rational. 

When she arrived to see Zuko and Aang sitting at the cliff’s edge, laughing and conversing, she already knew who it was they mocked (They’re all going to laugh at you, mother’s voice tried to warn). 

And suddenly it broke. The horrible realization of how badly she had been cheated came over her. Zuko took their mother, Mai and Ty Lee, and Uncle, (stripped her of everything of value, and then her very identity, and left her alone, a nothing being, in a nowhere place) and now Zuko stole that letter, the only insurance she had to prevent her from getting thrown back in the asylum.

A horrible, soundless cry (they’re LAUGHING AT ME) tried to come out of her. They were laughing at the comical idiot who’d fooled herself into thinking she was a genius, that she’d be loved. She put her hands over her face to try to hide it, but her traitorous mind slowed time to a crawl, even the laughter she was wearing in her head seemed to have developed and slowed to a sinister bass rumble. Zuko turned his head to look for her, he opened his mouth but she couldn’t hear what he said, the grinding laughter swelled louder, it was like rocks rubbing together. 

“She told you to steal the letter out of my boot, didn’t she!?”

The evil dragon had been unleashed from its shackles, emerging from the cave it soared into the sky and rained down blue hellfire from above as it soared and bellowed. Azula was completely swallowed up by the madness. 

The fight itself was an orange and blue blur, she vaguely remembered Zuko yelling at the avatar to stay out of the way and he could handle her on her own. Normally Azula would be insulted, but at the moment she was nothing more than a dragon. Stabbed through with spears, shot with arrows, with her wings in tatters she was destroying everything in sight to try to prove she was still a dragon. 

When the fire died down so did the heat haze distorting her view of the world. Panting, she saw her own ashen face reflected in her brother’s eyes. Her composure was slowly falling to pieces, like a broken mirror, like the many different faces she showed to society. She looked down and saw her brother’s hand clenched around her neck squeezing tightly.

It seemed she lost the fight.

So, just what was Zuko going to do next? 

She turned her eyes back slightly and saw that she was on the cliff’s edge. Zuko lifted her up so high her toes couldn’t touch the ground. After two years of starving herself, she weighed next to nothing. 

“Zuzu you’re wrinkling my-” Azula tried speaking in her usual cold detached manner, but Zuko was shouting at her.

“Why, Azula? Why’d our relationship have to be like this?”

“I haven’t the faintest-”

“From the day you were born, you’ve put me through so much! If not for you, my life would’ve been better! I’d have been better off if you’d never been-”

Born? 

At that moment a thought Azula never possibly considered: Am I going to die?

Even on the day of the comet, no matter how bad things got between her and her brother, the thought Zuko might kill her had never occurred to her.

Azula had been taught defeat that day, but not death.
It was not defeat, but the fear of death to which she succumbed.

Are you… really going to kill me? 

That was when the whole world went up in flames.

They had been ambushed from behind. A  flame burned so bright and intense it nearly turned from yellow to white. It was pure avenging wrath given solidity. The flame threatened to scorch the three of them (her, her brother, and the avatar) out of existence. The fire’s rage spread to the forest’s trees, consuming them as fuel, and leaving charred, blackened ruins behind. 

Nothing could withstand such a blast. The avatar had been forced to avoid it by moving out of the way with earth bending, and Zuko in a moment of unthinking panic tried to use one hand to defend and the other to hold his sister at the same time and failed at both, was blasted to the side and let go of Azula. 

The flame didn’t run out until it reached the edge of the cliff.  The one who lit the fire walked out from the charred remains of the trees they’d been hiding behind before making their surprise attack. There was a momentary break in the fight. The ferocity of the attack had shocked everyone but Azula herself, who was currently clinging to the edge of the cliff.

The moment her brother let go she’d desperately tried to grab onto something, but now her nails were grinding against stone as she slowly lost her grip. 

“Did your brother just dangle you off of a cliff? Wow, he really sucks,” Mask Maker said.

They took advantage of the short lull in the fight to stand on the cliff’s edge and offer Azula their hand. Azula grabbed onto that hand without hesitation. She expected her fingers to slip through the hand like an illusion the moment she reached for it, but the hand was real, warm, and real. 

Azula vaguely understood the technique behind their surprise attack. 

It was a technique called a ‘wildfire’. 

A common mistake beginners made, making flames so hot that they burned themselves with their own fire. The bandages on Mask Maker’s arms had all peeled off from the heat, and Azula could see fresh burns running up their entire arm. It was a powerful technique but they’d sacrificed an entire arm for it.

(For her).

The hand that had saved her was red, and raw, with flesh peeling off from the heat. 

“That was scary, you almost fell off of a cliff!”

Azula responded by slapping Mask Maker hard enough to send their mask flying. “That’s because some idiot attacked my brother from behind and MADE HIM DROP ME!” 

In the intense heat of the flames, their facial wrappings had burned away too, revealing the face they’d tried to hide behind dirty bandages.

“You….You said if the girl who burned your face said sorry, you’d forgive her.” Her bloodshot eyes widened in recognition, but not in surprise. “Well, would you still save her even if she wasn’t sorry?” 

Azula used the seconds they had left in this lull from the violence, to pick up Mask Maker’s fallen mask, and place it back on their face. When they opened their mouths to answer, she booped them on the nose of their mask to let them know it was time for quiet.

She noticed the avatar had stood there the entire time. When Zuko dangled her off of a cliff, he made no move to help her. When the Mask Maker intervened the avatar only defended himself. Is that what the avatar’s definition of diplomacy is? Simply not picking sides.

Oh well.

The avatar, the chosen spiritual guide of all four nations, the bridge between worlds, seemed rather small to her right now.

Her grief and madness had passed. Now the only thing she had left was serenity - a terrifying serenity. The old Azula had been destroyed. She might as well have been dropped from that cliff and scattered like cherry blossoms. That girl was gone, but the girl left standing on the edge of the cliff was still alive.

There was still Zuko, the avatar, and the cowardly lion hiding behind a mask at her side, but as she saw all the pieces gathered around her for the first time her head was clear and she could think. 

Now, what should she do next? 

Chapter 3: Does that make me crazy?

Summary:

Sorry if this chapter doesn't move the plot forward much. In the first draft I was originally planning on spending only one chapter in Hira'a village, but I wanted to take extra time to establish Aang's perspective. He's my second favorite character after Azula so I just couldn't help myself. I just gotta have more Aang.

Guess what? I've got a a fever! And the only prescription is... more Aang.

Allow me to borrow the Mask Maker’s words.

Time is an illusion, therefore stories don’t need to be told in order. 

I’d like to add one more caveat: stories don’t need to be told from one point of view, either.

Think of any event that happened between you and several other people, you probably have your own version of the story.

Your story.
Let’s say I were to tell your story.

Let us also say you were to appear as a character in my story.
Your story, something altogether different from the story I have described so far, where you perceive your own version as exclusive, may even see the one I’ve described as no more than a fabrication. You might even call me a liar. 

Even so your version of the story, yours though it may be - is not yours alone.
After all, storytelling is called as such because stories are told to others.

With that brief aside, let’s continue with the telling of Aang’s story, Azula’s story, and whoever else this story might concern as it unfolds. 

-- 

When Azula went to bed early, everyone let out the breath they’d been holding.

Fire breathed like any other living creature. What was Azula if not a fire that burned so hot that she suffocated everyone around her?

Whenever she had tried to speak up the group froze and stopped talking - and to Aang that seemed a little cruel.

It was strange to think that - Azula wasn't their friend nor did she want to be so what kindness did they owe her anyway?

Yet, Azula had tried.

She tried cooking for everyone. She tried sitting down with everyone. She tried talking and joking - but she didn’t smile.
When everyone was going crazy with laughter -  she didn’t laugh.
She didn’t even laugh at any of Sokka’s best jokes. 

Aang didn't even think Azula could laugh, but that was narrow-minded of him. Did he really think his enemies never laughed with friends around a campfire just like he did? 

Earlier Azula had burst out laughing when whispering with Mask Maker. Afterward, she twirled one of her bangs before hiding half her face including cheeks as pink as cherry blossoms behind her hand. It was a girlish thing to do.

Azula was a girl too, one barely older than him. 

He didn’t even know how that thought popped into his head.
Maybe it was caused by the moonlight.
Temporary lunacy.

If Azula could laugh without cruelty, then maybe she did want to laugh with the others, she just didn’t know how. That was a lonely thought. 

Aang didn’t understand Azula, didn’t want to understand her, but he understood loneliness.

(The last airbender was the loneliest boy in the entire world). 

“Aang, I just told a really funny joke and nobody laughed. At least give me a pity laugh.”

Sokka interrupted his thoughts. 

“Hey, I laughed,” Zuko said.

“That was a snort, not a laugh. You snort when you find something mildly humorous, you don’t laugh unless it’s funny.” 

Katara was going to bed early so it would be just the four of them: Sokka, Zuko, Mask Maker, and himself.

“Aang, Katara, and I are going to take shifts watching her,” Zuko had announced as soon as he was sure Azula was out of earshot, “Katara you have next watch so you can go to sleep early.” 

“Come join me in my bedroll later, Aang.”

“For what?”

“You know, in case I get cold.”

“If you get cold shouldn’t you ask Zuko? He’s the firebender.” 

Then, Katara huffed and walked off. Aang was sure he said something wrong, when it came to Katara he was always in the wrong.

“..Are you sure you should be letting that psycho sleep with her hands unbound?” Sokka didn’t even refer to Azula by name.

“I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing, Socks.” Mask Maker piped up.

The words were enough to silence him. 

That…

Evanescent presence.

As if they had none.

Like a ghost?

If the Mask Maker told him they were a lost spirit, who wandered into the human world by mistake Aang would believe it.

“Into what sort of thing?” 

“If you’re into tying girls up, don’t you think you should do that kind of kinky thing with someone your own age? I’m right here, and I’m pretty.”Mask Maker said, inviting themselves into Sokka’s personal space.

They wore a loose-fitting kimono that exposed their stomach and upper thighs. Their chest arms and legs were wrapped with bandages, but it was still possible to make out their body’s exquisite shape. Air Nomads didn’t discriminate based on sexuality, Aang noticed an attraction that did not discriminate between genders when he was twelve. Mask Maker’s body attracted his attention, he paid special attention to the way their abdominal muscles flexed underneath their skin and the way their curvaceous thighs rubbed against each other as they moved to lean on Sokka. 

“Don’t worry, I’m a woman so you can be attracted to me and still be straight as an arrow.”

Mask Maker blew a puff of air at Sokka’s neck and Sokka jumped up to his feet. “What the hell are you talking about, you weirdo!”

“You’re the weirdo who wants to tie a girl up, that looks about your sister’s age.”

“She’s nothing like Katara!”

“Yes, but she is someone’s little sister, right? If she was put in chains, or beaten until she was bruised don’t you think her brother would be sad? If she were to die, don’t you think someone, somewhere would mourn her?”

Let’s say for instance Azula were to die. What if she’d fallen from Appa and plummeted to her death? Would someone feel sad?

(What an idiotic question. What kind of death doesn’t involve any deal of sadness? Every human death is sad to some extent. And it’s very important that they are.) 

“Her big brother is sitting right next to you,”

“Oh right, you’re here.”  To be fair, Zuko did have a tendency to sulk in silence. “You act like such a spoiled only child, I forgot you were her big brother.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what I said. I’m not reciting poetry, it’s not up for interpretation. You act like you’re an only child.” 

“It’s none of your business.”

“You’re right, you’re right. Why is a complete stranger the one defending your sister? Isn’t that your job, big brother?” 

“You don’t know what I’ve been through.” That hit a soft spot, Zuko’s covered with those. He had a body covered in bruises. A body that still ached from old wounds. “How can you possibly look at this,” Zuko gestured to his scar, “And say I’m spoiled?” 

"Just to see her again,” Mask Maker raised their eyes skyward. Their rather large, prominent dark eyes, had an expression of firm determination, yet there was a vague look in them too. “I’ve spent the past four years in this forest chasing a spirit tale, just to see my sister again. But your sister is right next to you, safe, alive. You have everything I want, but you whine like a spoiled child. Is loving your sister really so difficult?”

“I… it’s complicated. Sorry.” 

“I suppose it is. Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” 

The words seemed to resonate with Zuko, and he visibly softened. Nobody understood unhappiness better than him. “Why can’t you see your sister again?” 

“It’s a long story, and I only like to tell it when I’m drunk and miserable.”

“Then, maybe we should all have a drink,” Aang piped up, “Then we can all be drunk and miserable together.” 

“Are you even old enough to drink, Aang?” Skoka asked.

“If I’m old enough to fight the Firelord then I’m old enough to drink!” 

Drinks poured, Mask Maker began. The way they immediately captivated others was nothing short of impressive. Aang and Mask Maker both liked to yap, but the way spoke was musical.

“When my old man married my mother, she already had a child named Pasha. Pops treated Pasha as his own, but the way inheritance laws work she couldn’t become head of the family. I was born just to steal my sister’s birthright, but she never resented me. She always told me the reason the older sister was born first was to protect the little ones who came after them. I have a destiny too, I was born to be your big sister, that’s what she always said.” 

Aang understood that he didn’t understand.

Every unhappy family is unique in its own way, but Aang didn’t have an unhappy family.

He didn't understand so he listened in silence. 

“My sister was very kind and I loved her very much, but in the eyes of the royal court she was just an unlovable bastard and they treated her as such, but she never complained. Even when she was mocked, even when she was stepped on, even when she was kicked, she merely smiled in response. When I asked her how she could keep smiling, she smiled at me too.”

Mask Maker shared a brief memory of the past, of looking up at the night sky with their sister, on top of a hill. 

“Why don’t you have any friends, Mitka? Hanging out with you all day is starting to cramp my style.”

“Everyone at the royal court is mean to big sister. I hate them. I don’t want to be friends with anyone who isn’t nice to my big sister.” 

“I love the night sky, Mitka. It reminds me of the world. Everything’s covered in darkness. TBut the moons always there, you just have to look for it. Some people just haven't seen the moon yet, they don't realize how beautiful this world is.” 

Looking up at the stars, Pasha said these words, “ You see, Mitka, I want to clear away the clouds so that not a single light is hidden. I’m going to clear away those clouds, Mitka. You see the moon, it's so beautiful right - don’t you think? It’s so simple that everyone’s forgotten it.” 

“My sister was like the moon. She was always hidden in darkness, and no one ever saw her for who she really was. I hoped that someone would come to understand my sister. Someone who saw her, not her social status and position. I hoped to meet a person like that, and I wanted to become friends with that person.”

The air was so cold - 

A winter chill so deep that Aang felt like he would freeze.

For a brief moment, he thought he heard someone call him by name.
On the other side of the veil of trees,
There was someone waiting for him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Aang saw a shadow moving.
When he blinked, it was gone.
He fixed his eyes upward instead, too scared to look behind him.

The lonely moon floated above him, bearing witness in the night sky. A canopy draped over the cosmos. A porcelain face unveiling the night. Falling stars, mysterious and serene. But he couldn't tear his eyes away.
How strange? Why didn't he realize it until now. 

That tonight - the moon was so beautiful. 

“And then my dream came true in the worst form imaginable. My sister befriended a noble boy however no matter how close they grew my sister was forced to lie to him. Father wouldn’t allow us to tell others that we were of mixed blood. My sister couldn’t bear lying to him though, so one day when he was burned she showed him her waterbending to heal him. Do you know how he thanked her - he called her a slur and threw her down the palace steps.”

Mask Maker told the story of that day - she rolled down hundreds of steps from the topmost stair to the bottommost one. Afterward, Pasha said nothing, she wiped the blood from her forehead,  and tried to climb back to her feet only to find her legs were not working.

Unable to stand, she crawled on her hands. The sun was sweltering that day, high in the sky, it was the busiest time of the day for the nobles working in the palace, but in a palace overflowing with people, not a single one stopped to help her. 

To this day, Mask Maker didn’t know how Pasha managed to get home. When they called the doctor afterward, he told them it was likely Pasha hit her head and had permanently lost the use of her legs.

“You see, Fire Nation will hate us for the ice in our veins, and the Water Tribe will hate us for our fire. I’ve accepted that. What I really can’t accept… the thing is… he was my friend too. The person who I held so dear, he trampled over her entire world and I was struck with so much grief that I felt my heart shatter to pieces.”

Behind their mask, their eyes looked like they were about to cry. They were clutching at their chest, but still unable to cry. It was a painful expression that crossed crying with laughing.

In the same way that Azula couldn’t laugh, Mask Maker couldn’t cry. 

“My sister told me not to challenge him to an Agni Kai, but I did anyway. Well, you can figure out the rest from there. Now, all I want is to go back home to apologize for not listening like a spoiled brat.”

“I…” Zuko became pensieve, “I don’t want things to be like this. I want to give her a chance to travel with us. She’s just making it so hard.”

“Are you sure it’s all Azula’s fault?” Aang spoke up, “The first time we saw her Katara attacked. Sokka, you waved your boomerang around in her face. I’ve been hit in the head by that thing so many times, it hurts! Who knows how many brain cells I’ve lost? We even attacked her while she was just sitting at the campfire with Mitka.”

“You interrupted our date. It was awfully rude of you.” 

“I’m sorry guru goody goody. When you get a sister, then maybe you can tell me how to take care of mine.” 

“I guess you’re right. I don’t have a family or anything like that, because you know…”

Zuko backtracked, realizing he was in the wrong. “I’m sorry, Aang, you know I didn’t mean it that way.”.

Aang decided to stay quiet. He didn’t understand Zuko’s family, and his opinion as an outsider had no weight. Wasn’t it the Avatar’s job to stay neutral anyway? 

(You’re the avatar) many voices speaking from many past lives reminded him at times like this.

What did one person’s problems weigh in comparison to the world? How did he weigh in comparison to the world? The world’s problems were Aang’s problems, and Zuko’s family problems were his own.

That seemed like the right answer. The answer the avatar should choose.

(It was right but, was it kind?)

The thought lingered with Aang when he tried to sleep, and when Zuko woke him to talk about a letter he found in his sister’s boots. The letter suggested Ozai wasn’t Zuko’s father. That he was the bastard son of Ursa’s former lover Ikem, but Aang said there was no way of knowing it was true.

(Was Zuko hoping it was?) 

Aang didn’t have time to think it over or offer any monklike advice, because the next moment blue flames exploded in every direction.  Well, you know the rest, Zuko told him to stay out of the way and so he did. 

So he just sat and watched as Zuko dangled his sister over the cliff's edge.

“From the day you were born, you’ve put me through so much! If not for you, my life would’ve been better! I’d have been better off if you’d never been-”

Aang recalled the last time he saw Zuko and Azula fight on top of a war balloon like they both wanted to extinguish the other.

The fire siblings. 

Fire and fire.
Whenever they touched, there was a conflagration.
Their colliding flames blasted them both off of the balloon. 

From Appa’s saddle, he saw them both falling. He rescued Zuko without thinking, but for Azula, he thought, he pondered, he deliberated whether or not letting her fall to her death counted as murder.

Wasn’t all life sacred, even hers? Even after she had killed him? But she was barely older than him, and flailing like that, she looked pitiful like a once proud dragon trying to fly with tattered wings.

“She’s not gonna make it,” Zuko breathed. 

Then, Azula saved herself, absolving him of any blame. 

Then he sighed. “Of course she did.”

(He sounded… unhappy.) 

Just like that time, someone else absolved Aang from blame.

That very instant…

Flames spilled out, flooding the area around them like a ripple on a lake.
It was fire, but it moved like water, he’d never seen anything like it. 

Flames fanned out through the area, scorching Aang and Zuko as they moved to escape in time. The fire continued to spill forth, rushing across the rocky cliffside like a river bursting free from its dam. 

Holding their inner fire in, letting the heat build until the maximum threshold until unleashing it as an attack - Mask Maker created a flash flood of fire.

The flames were so intense they produced a shimmering heat that warped and distorted everything in Aang’s line of sight. There was something unrecognizable inZukoe's silhouette,  even at his angriest Aang didn’t think him capable of killing his sister in cold blood.

He didn’t recognize Zuko or Azula, it was like they were caricatures of themselves, in a comical farce of a play put on by the Ember Island Players.

Zuko managed to get to his feet, “You’re still a citizen of the fire nation. Are you challenging the Dragon Throne?”

Was that Zuko speaking, or was that the Firelord? 

“Alright, next time I’ll let you throw your sister off a cliff,” Mask Maker rasped, “After all I don’t care about other people’s sisters.” 

“This is a family matter. When I want your opinion on the proceedings I’ll be sure to notify you.” It was Azula who sharply cut them off, “As for you Zuzu… you’ve had that letter all night. Why didn’t you burn it when you had the chance?” 

“I…”

“Let me guess, you were wishing you were not a part of this family. Well, too bad, you missed your only chance to be an only child when you hesitated to throw me off the cliff.” 

“Are you… are you complaining because he didn’t throw you off the cliff?”

Azula huffed, crossing her arms and glaring at Mask Maker, “Of course not. It’s just the principle of the thing, Zuko couldn't make a decision to save his life.”

Zuko interrupted their bickering, “Look, we can spend the rest of the day - the rest of our lives fighting each other, but it won’t get us any closer to our mother. We need to work together. No more fighting until we finish what we came here for, agreed?” 

“I don’t think you get to play hero when you just dangled your own little sister off a cliff.” 

Azula put a hand on Mask Maker's face and shoved them away, “I don't have much of a choice but to agree now, do I brother?”

“Ummm!” Aang finally spoke up, “Can you three stop trying to kill each other please, it's stressing me out.”

“We’ve reached an understanding,” Zuko said.

“Really, because an understanding kind of implies that you two understand each other. What’s the opposite of an understanding? A confusing?”

“Aang, shut up.” 

He watched the siblings walk off together.

No, they weren’t siblings, they were two different people.

Mask Maker offered a hand up to Aang who was still sitting on his ass in the mud. Most of their bandages burned away, revealing patches of twisted, wrinkled, purple skin that covered much of his lower face and neck, all the way down past their collarbone, around their torso, and on their arms. Some of the burns were fresh, dirty, and maroon blood leaked from the cracks in their form. 

Aang never heard of a firebender who burned themselves, but they had sacrificed their body to save Azula while he didn't lift a finger.

The hand reaching out to him was gnarled and grotesque, but it was a kind hand.

“I’m sorry you got dragged into our shitty teenage drama. You'd think saving the world would make us grow up a little but in my defense growing up is hard, it's hard and no one understands.” There was so much we wanted to apologize for but that lame apology was all he offered.

“Am I the one you should be apologizing to?” 

“Are you?”

“Am I?”

“Are you?”

“Are we both idiots?”

“We are.”

At least Mask Maker had a sense of humor. They wrapped an arm around Aang, their touch was unexpected but Aang didn't shrug it off. Instead, he noticed they were rather muscular. It was not a new observation, because Mask Maker’s kimono concealed absolutely nothing, but seeing those muscles and actually feeling them pressed against him were two different things.

“I have something to ask you. You spared the Firelord’s life, right?” 

“Are you going to call me a coward for not killing him?”

He’d heard as much, from his own friends. Even if they didn’t say it, they implied it. 

  “I’m just curious, why did you spare the life of an adult man, but just stood there and watched Big Brother almost kill his sixteen-year-old daughter? Mask Maker's finger traced the edge of his collarbone, “All life is sacred, but fuck Azula I guess.”

“I…Zuko wasn’t going to kill her.” 

 Aang suddenly found it difficult to breathe. It was like Mask Maker had his hands around his throat, even though the rough pads of their fingers were only lightly caressing his neck.

“I…I…I’m not a murderer.” 

“There are plenty of people who’ve never killed, that doesn’t make them good people.” Mask Maker detached themselves from Aang and shrugged, “Well, whatever. I guess the avatar doesn’t have to be a good man. They’re hardly a man to begin with.” 

Mask Maker was still smiling (well they weren’t smiling, their mask was), but they were impossible to read regardless. They remained silent on the way back to camp. Of course, they did, what else was there to say? 

Aang kept his mouth shut for once on the trip to the village. 

When they got to Hira’a the village was so lit up with torches and hanging lanterns that it could be spotted from a distance. It was the telltale sign of a Fire Nation Festival. Aang was grateful for the distraction, everything was so bright and colorful he felt like… well, he felt like a child at a festival.

The town had erected a wood stage at the center of the festivities a large number of villagers had gathered to watch. Those weren’t the only festivities, however. In addition to the theater troupe, there was a band playing in the middle of the town square, with villagers dancing together, in one big crowd. 

From up close Aang could see every single member of the cloud was wearing a mask, like Mask Maker’s. He saw all sorts of different masks, foxes, wolves, cats, and even demon masks among the crowd.

Before they could even think about joining the festivities, Zuko yanked on the back of Aang's collar like he was a puppy on a leash.“Wait, we need to hide our identities. We’ll get mobbed if people figure out we’re the avatar and the fire lord.”

Every member of the group looked at Mask Maker, who was carrying a heavy backpack filled with an entire inventory of masks for sale. “Oh, sure,” Mask Maker showed them their empty palm, “How about you all pay me 5,000 yuan per mask and we can call it even?”

The masks had price tags that read ‘500 yuan’.

“Why, you!” Azula snapped at them, “You’re a citizen of the fire nation. It should be your honor to serve the Firelord. So, go on and serve me, servant.” 

“All I see is a girl who couldn’t last more than five minutes as a Firelord.” 

“Azula, we can just pay him,”  Zuko said.

 “How about I let you have the masks free of charge if Lazuli agrees to be my date at the festival?”

“How about if you don’t make me angry for the rest of the day, then I’ll let you live to see your next sunrise?”

“Jokes on you most of my dates end with attempted murder, I just love a woman who wants to kill me.”

Everyone chose a mask. 

(Zuko predictably went for a blue spirit mask)

(Azula a dragon, Aang a monkey,  Katara a water spirit, and Sokka a polar bear dog)

They agreed to split up into two groups, and Aang volunteered to go with Azula and Mask Maker. He felt uncomfortable leaving Zuko alone with Azula (and horrible for distrusting a friend). 

Either way, that left Aang alone with Mask Maker, and Azula - “The whole town is out today so you should be able to ask around about Ursa. Careful though, there’s a lot of people, do you want to hold my hand so you won’t get lost, princess?”

“Depends, do you want to keep that hand?” 

“Was that a yes or a no?”

“It was a threat. I was threatening you. Please, do try to keep up.”

“Soo violent. You should try reading poetry and contemplating the world’s beauty,  it’s calming.”

“How is poetry going to help me crush my enemies exactly?”

“I dunno, but it might help you unclench your asshole.” Azula was scandalized. Lio ignored her, clapping their hands to match the rhythm of the festival music around them, and launched into song, “At evening the falling flowers of the willow make a twilight, and through it, the water surface appears, reflecting the daughter of the house. While I feel myself caressed in your heart, your face singularly pale, suddenly one of the ripples changed color, and showed the eyes of an imaginary ogre.”  

“Ooh, oooh, I wanna try!”  Aang tried joining in. He stumbled over his words as he composed on the spot while keeping count of his syllables, “Uh… the-wea-ther-is-nice / Sun-shining-down-from-the-sky…birds-are-singing…good?”

Lio made a face like they’d just swigged cheap alcohol, “That was awful! A haiku with no seasonal words!”

Aang frowned and started to thump his feet trying to match Lio’s rhythm, “You’ve got two eyes, two knives that are cast in bronze / they pierce all the way to the soul / they draw you in with the promise of sin / like the moth to the flame of coal.”

Lio howled. “Keep going, you naughty boy.” 

“You’ve got hair like the starless night / it sticks to my lips / I’ll wind it with mine and we’ll drift off course / in a ship touching hearts all the while.”

Somehow, the improvisation was suddenly easy though he’d never considered himself a poet. Or a flirt. It was as if another person, someone much more at ease with their own desires was speaking through his mouth.

“For the way you walk is a lantern-lit / that leads me into the night / I’ll hold you close and love you the most / until our end is in sight.” 

“Uh…” Mask Maker stuttered, confused, “Doesn’t your girlfriend have brown hair and blue eyes?”

Aang quickly changed the subject. “Your turn, Azula” 

They both turned their attention to Azula, only to find empty space where she had been standing. She’d taken the opportunity to ditch them and try to disappear in the crowd. They both took off after her. 

“You know,” Lio said, after finding her sitting in line at a food stand, “A hundred years ago princesses were trained in the art of poetry, dance, and music playing. You couldn’t even compose a Haiku to save your life.”

“In what situation is a Haiku going to save my life? Should I read your awful poetry to them until they commit suicide?”

“You’re just jealous because I’d make a better princess than you.”

Aang watched the two of them go at it. It was strange enough watching someone talk to Azula without fearing for her life, even stranger, Azula was smiling. Her mask, which only covered half of her face, did nothing to hide her lips edging into a grin.

Azula ordered extra strength fire flakes and informed Mask Maker it would be their honor to pay for them. Aang asked to try, forgetting they were extra strength, only to get them shoved in his mouth by Azula. She either never heard of personal boundaries, or just didn’t care. 

“How’s it taste?” She asked, watching him sweat.

“Like a dragon burped in my face."

“That good? Feel free to have the rest. I'm known for my generosity after all.”

“I thought you were known for your greed and ambition,” Mask Maker said.

“Oh, that’s right.” 

Aang looked for Katara in the crowd to borrow her waterskin and douse the flame in his stomach, and caught sight of the dancers in town square. He was pleasantly surprised to see that dancing had made its way back into the fire nation two years after the end of the war. 

It was a little more aggressive than the traditional dances he remembered, some benders even incorporated fire-bending forms into the steps of their dances.

“Are they dancing or fighting?” Aang asked.

“Why not both?”

“They’re perverting firebending is what they’re doing.”

“What did she say?” Aang turned to Mask Maker.

“I think she was calling you a pervert.”

“Ewe. Gross. Tell her I already have a girlfriend.”

Azula glared at both of them as if she wished they would spontaneously combust into flames. Aang knew he shouldn’t push his luck, but Azula’s features were usually so cold, that seeing her flushed with anger like this was interesting.

“I know for a fact that traditional fire-bending forms originated from dances. I could teach you a lesson or two on the history of fire bending Azula, Zuko and I learned it on a field trip of friendship I think a deep revelation and some self-reflection would do you some good-” 

Azula pinched Aang’s lips shut, “In five seconds I’m going to let go, and you’re going to stop lecturing me about things I don’t care about unless you want to be burn buddies with Zuzu. Nod if you understand.”

Aang nodded. Azula let go. 

Mask Maker watched this all, amused, “I think the real reason she doesn’t want to do it is because she’s a bad dancer,” Mask Maker whispered loudly into Aang’s ear, clearly intending for Azula to overhear. 

Azula was aghast. Of all the things to accuse her of.

“It’s no big deal, Lazuli. You’re just awkward when it comes to your body.”

“Say what?”

“You have no coordination, you’re unbalanced, and you’ve no sense of rhythm.”

“How is a sense of rhythm useful in a fight?”

“I can think of other things it’s useful for.” Lio exhaled a cold breath to tickle her earlobe, “If you can’t even control your feet, how exactly are you going to control your firebending? I guess all those tales of you being a fire bender were greatly exaggerated.”

Azula jumped into the air and kicked for their head, and seamlessly anticipating and matching her movements Mask Maker ducked and let her leg fly over their head. She accepted their invitation to dance, taking the lead.

Whether it was a physical fight or a dance, neither of them knew. Violence was probably the only body language that Azula was familiar with. 

She jumped in the air, swinging her leg at Mask Maker’s head in a full rotation. This time she released a wide arc of fire with her kick.  Mask Maker fell backwards, dropped to the ground, landed on a hand, and then did a handspin generating a cyclone of fire from their feet. 

Azula jumped back and Mask Maker returned to their feet, hitting with a forward jab that purposefully missed her head, and then moved their arm back into a stance circling around her. She smirked, crossing her upper arm with him and circling in the opposite direction. When Lio completed a full rotation, they spun their body around in the opposite direction and Azula twinned their motion one step behind them. 

They both pulled in close, Lio resting their hand on her shoulder and Azula doing the same to their opposite shoulder, only for them both to push away the next moment and end up so far away that only their fingertips were touching. Then they pushed off from one another. They spun away from each other, and Mask Maker spun towards him. 

The rest of the crowd was weaving between each other, and switching dance partners as well. Azula moved to the edge Mask Maker appeared in his view offering a hand, while Azula moved to the edge of the crowd to stare at the rest of the dancers with haughty disapproval. 

“Mind if I have this dance, Aangie?”  

Aang winced at Katara’s nickname for him, “You know, I do have a girlfriend.”

“Good. Let’s ignite a spark of jealousy and make her burn with it,” Mask Maker said with a dramatic flourish, before taking Aang’s hand and whisking him away with a spin. “It’s hell to get you alone. You’re a popular guy. Even I find myself liking you.”

“Uh, thank you.” Aang accepted the compliment. However, airbenders were pranksters by nature, so he could recognize a con man like Mask Maker. He got the distinct sense that flattery was just a way to mask (haha) something else. “I thought you hated me. It’s kinda hard to tell what you’re thinking.”

“Life’s little mysteries are what make it so fun.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t answer my question at all.” 

Aang knew Fire Nation dances were lost to history, but Mask Maker’s dance was entirely new. It made Aang feel like a child, Mask Maker danced like an adult would, sensuous and thrilling.

“You’re the only pacifist I met, I simply wanted to test your ideals.”

“It must have been hard growing up in the fire nation as a pacifist.”

“Well, it's hard being the family disappointment but somebody's gotta do it.”

“Of course, but someone’s gotta be the family disappointment. It’s a hard job, but it’s mine.” When Aang managed to catch up to Mask Maker’s frenetic pace, he found they were strangely in sync. The way they moved together, if Mask Maker was the wildfire, then Aang was the wind that allowed the fire to grow and spread, “I’m curious, did you spare the fire lord’s life because you wanted to protect life, or because you didn’t want to get your hands dirty.” 

“What’s the difference?”

Aang didn’t see one. Of course, he didn’t want his airbending the monks taught him soaked in blood. 

“It depends on whether you're protecting ideals, or protecting people.”

“You don’t understand, by protecting my people’s ideals I am protecting my people.”

“Well, you didn’t manage to protect either when you almost watched Lazuli die.”

“It’s more complicated than that, I’m not allowed to pick sides.” He’s the avatar, and he was always balancing the scales with every single decision, “I don’t want to hold a grudge against her, but it’s not like I can tell Zuko to forgive her.” 

“So, Azula is only worthy of being saved if you personally find her forgivable.”

“That’s not what I’m saying -” 

“Dear, sweet, Aangie, what are you saying? I don’t think you even know.”

Aang felt like a child.

He felt like a child because he was a child. 

Sure he grew up fast, he mastered all four elements by the time he was thirteen, but the problem with growing up fast was that you didn’t actually grow up. You just got good at pretending to grow up so you didn’t disappoint the people who expected you to be an adult. 

“Have you ever heard of Avatar Yangchen?” 

Mask Maker changed the subject, at the same time as they spun Aang away from them only to pull him right back. Both actions are enough to give him whiplash. Aang understood why Mask Maker wanted to have this conversation while dancing, they wanted to render him unsteady on his feet, to shake him up until the bedrock of his beliefs until they crumbled underneath him. 

“I used to be her. Does that count?”

“Did you know, the airbenders asked her to leave her home and never return.” 

Aang had an inkling, from the one conversation he had with Yanchen, “Did she… did she kill someone?”

“The opposite in fact. It’s because she didn’t kill someone.”

“Um.” 

“She tried taking prisoners instead of killing them. They escaped and killed many people in the air temple. In the aftermath the monks banished her, they punished her for following their teachings and trying to save even her enemies." 

“I don’t understand. She was trying to save people and made a mistake, so why would they punish her?” 

“Because the airbenders didn’t want to get their hands dirty. Their ideals were more important than the living breathing people Yangchen was trying to save, and Yangchen herself who wanted to be forgiven for her mistakes. They only cared about their ideal - that murder could never be forgiven."

That’s wrong. The air nomads aren’t arrogant. They aren’t above others. They preach forgiveness.

Yet, at that moment Aang felt a fire in his stomach, burning anger at the fire nation citizen who dared to tell him about his culture, but, with breathing exercises, he needed to keep calm, “I still don’t understand the difference.”

“Let’s say, for example, you were to kill someone Aangie. Do you think the Air Nomads would forgive you?”

“That would never-”

But, Yangchen tried to protect life too, valuing even the lives of her enemies and she let people die.

“Wouldn’t you want to be forgiven? “

“I’d never forgive myself.” 

“You know, I think Lazuli doesn’t forgive herself either. I think she’s fully aware she’s not a good person, and I think it’s the reason she is like she is. She must think people like herself do not deserve to be happy.”

“Whoa, that’s harsh.”

“But, what if it’s true? Does a truly terrible person deserve happiness?”

“I don’t get it. I thought you were her biggest fan. Do you think Azula is truly terrible?”

“No, but she does. That’s why she never smiles, even when everyone else is smiling.” 

“It’s not like…  the fact she made Zuko’s childhood hell will go away that easy. I’m the avatar, I have to think of everyone’s feelings at once.” 

Mask Maker put a hand on Aang’s back, dropped them backward in a dip, and held him there, hovering over him, close enough their faces were practically aligned, “She made Zuko’s childhood hell,” a breathy laugh, “What if I told you, the young noble who crippled my sister was Zuko?” 

He lifted Aang back to his feet and the dance started again. Aang suddenly understood that he understood nothing at all. Which is an all-too-familiar feeling. 

“I-Is that true?”

“Who knows? You shouldn’t trust the words of a man in a mask. If it were true that Zuko has a right to revenge against his sister, then don’t I have the right to my revenge?” 

“Do you… do you want revenge against the man who hurt her?”

“Who knows? Sure, the person who crippled my sister was a terrible person, but the world’s full of terrible people. If I’d had a little bit of self-restraint and not challenged him to an Agni Kai, I could be home with my sister. If two years ago, Zuko forgave his sister, then the two of them could be happy right now. Instead, we’re all miserable, and everything sucks.” 

“...I’m not the Buddha, I can’t tell Zuko to forgive her. I can’t tell her not to punish her for what she did in the war?” 

“Punishment doesn’t save people. Even if they deserve it.” Mask Maker rested his head into the nook between Aang’s neck and shoulder, nuzzling him like a lover, pressing his lips against Aang’s skin to whisper, “You know Aangie, the people who watched my sister crawl along in the mud didn’t help her that day because they thought she deserved to suffer.” 

Aang suddenly understood a little - why Mask Maker was so angry. 

Aang was like the people who watched their sister be humiliated without offering a helping hand because he couldn’t decide whether or not Azula deserved it. 

Aang thought he was the kind of person who would always offer a hand to someone who needed it, not because he was the avatar, but because he was Aang. Yet, he saw Azula slip off that cliff desperately scraping the stone with her fingernails and he just…watched. 

Yeah, Azula wasn’t a good person and she probably deserved -

Oh, there it was.

Because Mask Maker’s sister deserved it, the Fire Nation nobility just saw that humiliation as her being put in her place. 

Was that what Zuko was doing to Azula, putting her in her place? 

Did she deserve to be locked in an insane asylum for the rest of her life because of something she did when she was fourteen?

(Did anyone?)

(If Aang had done what Azula did - would he want to be forgiven? Of course, he would, he spent every minute of every single day wanting to be forgiven for running away and letting the rest of the air nomads die without air nomads dying. He understands guilt - he understands how Azula might feel guilt, and hide it behind a cold face instead of a smile like him)

(Did that mean he understood Azula?) 

(No that’s - It felt so wrong having her in his head like this. She shouldn’t be in here, he shouldn’t be thinking about her, trying to understand her like this. Fire devours oxygen, and she’s eating him up from the inside). 

The music stopped, and they both finished together. Aang was practically panting trying to catch her breath.

“But perhaps,” Mask Maker brought a finger to the lips of their mask, and then whispered into Aang’s ear like they were sharing a valuable secret, “Perhaps there are no terrible people, perhaps there are only people who can't see through the clouds.”

“Who… Who are you exactly? Who are you to Zuko and Azula?”

“Who knows? Maybe, I’m just a ghost from their past.”

“Are ghosts real?”

“Spirits certainly are. Maybe I’m one of those. I can remember the past, my family, the friends I grew up with, but it’s faded. Part of me thinks that the boy I used to be died in the forest, and now I'm a spirit wearing a dead boy's face." 

The music already stopped, but the dance wasn’t over. A new song started again just like that. Everyone was changing partners again. Mask Maker spun Aang away to meet his next partner, and he wound up smacking straight into Azula. The two master benders in a rare moment of clumsiness fell on their asses, and wound up both sitting on the ground parallel to each other. The crowd parted around them so as to not step on them, and suddenly it was just the two of them, Mask Maker disappearing, leaving Aang and Azula. Just two people. 

Then the two of them just… stared.

The two enemies who fought to the death several times just stared awkwardly.

Mask Maker was wrong, fighting was different from dancing. 

“Azula.”

“Avatar.”

They both said.

“Avatar?” 

“Azula.”

Communication!

At that moment, Aang saw a small child come out of the crowd, run right in between Azula and himself, and immediately attach herself to Mask Maker’s leg. “Mitka, Mitka, you’re back in time like you promised. Did you make me a new mask in time for the festival?”

“It depends. Do you have the money for it?”

“I’m nine. I’m flat broke.”

“I told you that’s not a problem, just steal some of your parents’ money, Kiyi.”

“Why don’t you give it to me for free!?” The girl, who was apparently named Kiyi said, “I’m a princess! I deserve to be given everything in the whole wide world.” 

 “Aang, we’ve been asking around but nobody’s heard anything.” At that moment Zuko of all people came in between them - then he noticed, “Um, what are you two doing?” 

“Nothing!” 

Azula on the other hand, doesn’t even seem to notice the awkward situation. “Seriously, Zuzu how are you supposed to command respect from the nobility if you can’t even intimidate a couple of peasants into talking?”

“It’s not nice to call them peasants, Azula.”

“What am I supposed to call them, financially challenged?”

“I have an idea.” Mask Maker spoke up, “Kiyi’s father here is the head of the acting troupe. He knows everyone in the village, he might know something about Ursa.”

Sounds like a plan! 

Zuko and Azula walked off, leaving Aang in the dust.

Even when Azula left though, the thoughts of her inside his mind didn’t go away. 

Does that make me crazy?

 

Chapter 4: Mother Mother

Summary:

Another Aang chapter. I skipped past the dinner with Noren and Noriko since I don't want to rewrite scenes from the original comic, I want to give you guys my rewritten version of the story. Hope you guys enjoy the Azulaang this chapter. I know this fic is tagged Zutara too, but don't worry, the story will be focusing on them as soon as I'm done with the search (which should be about two chapters). Consider this part like a prequel to the main event!

“Ugh, more than once tonight I was tempted to burn that whole place down! I resisted for you, Zuzu. I hope you appreciate that!” 

Aang thought Azula had been oddly silent at Noriko and Noren’s house. She’d held her tongue throughout the entire dinner, mostly because she’d been too busy stuffing her mouth. The food was so hot Aang could feel it scorch the inside of his mouth, but apparently, she had liked it. 

“How could you even think that about such a lovely family?” Katara said. 

“Oh please. Their charade disgusted me. Nobody’s that happy.”

“Aang and I are.”

“Because you two are idiots.” 

Katara looked for Aang, only to find he’d wandered off looking for Zuko. Aang sometimes found the best way to avoid making Katara mad was by avoiding her entirely. It was awkward because he sort of, maybe, understood where Azula was coming from. 

He wasn’t comfortable in Noren, Noriko, and Kyi’s home either. He still felt that way with Sokka and Katara sometimes. What was family? Were they attached by blood? By shared experiences? Aang didn’t know, the air benders always preached detachment. 

 Aang had a mother. Someone gave birth to him, then gave him up. Aang didn’t resent her for it. That was tradition. But, he wondered if he could let go of his own child after holding them in his arms.

Azula’s mother had given her up too. Maybe she didn’t have a choice, but the end result was still the same. There was a time when Ursa held her daughter in her arms for what was probably the last time, and then let go. 

So yeah, he understood her, even if he didn't want to. 

Aang was drawn out of his thoughts by the sound of Katara and Azula hurling more petty insults at each other. He knew he should intervene before it evolved into hurling fists, but before he could someone appeared in his peripheral vision, inky black hair, equally black eyes, and a smile hidden behind a mask. “Looks like the girls are fighting again, I’ve got 500 yuan on Azula any takers?” 

“Katara’s not going to lose her cool and attack Azula. We’re professionals when it comes to this whole world-saving thing.”

“Really? Because your friend Socky just put 1,000 yuan on his sister.”

“I’d bet on Azula, Aang.” Zuko said, joining the conversation. “Don’t underestimate her because she’s been in an asylum for two years, when she punched me earlier it hurt pretty bad.”

“I’m not betting against my girlfriend!”

“Well, it’s not much of a betting pool if we all bet on Katara, even if she's going to win. You know because she's cool and really good at fighting." 

Since when was Zuko such a fan of Katara?

Mask Maker was hiding a grin behind their mask as they counted out Zuko and Sokka’s bets. If Mask Maker could somehow get someone as self-serious as Zuko to goof off like this then they really were a smooth talker. Aang was suddenly reminded of advice Gyatso once gave him, “respect  the spirits but never trust them.”

It was the same for Mask Maker, they all depended on them to guide them into the forest, but it was hard to trust a man/woman without a face. “Hey, Zuko…” Aang began. 

“What? Are you surprised I’m betting against my sister?”

“It’s not about the stupid betting pool.” Aang snapped, “Earlier this morning. What was that?”

“You mean the part where I dangled my sister off of a cliff, or the part where I let her keep a letter that said I was a bastard of some guy named Ikem and had no legal claim to the throne?”

“The everything, Zuko. THE EVERYTHING. Everything you just said right now was so clearly fucked up, I don’t even know where to start.”

“I…yeah…” Zuko rasped weakly. “Sorry about all that.”

“Zuko, you always do this. You get angry and do something bad and then afterward when people call you out on it, you turn into a pouty prince with your big “I’m sorry” eyes, and your “feel sorry for me” pout.” 

“I’m not pouting. I’m brooding. Totally different vibe.”

“Focus!”

“I don’t know how I let things get this bad between me and Azula. It’s common for siblings to kill each other over the throne, but I thought not me and Azula, not us, not ever.” As the forest fell to darkness and the animals began to wake up around them, Zuko’s eyes glowed weakly in the low light like a flame that burned out to the last ember. 

Aang suddenly found he had trouble meeting them. “Then again, you read the letter. Maybe we’re not really siblings.”

“Even if you did have a father you’d still be half-siblings,” Aang felt the need to remind him. 

“I know, but when I read that letter just for a second I thought “Ah. It was all a mistake. I’m not a part of this awful family. I’m from a nice family. Azula’s not my sister. I have a nice sister, who doesn’t laugh at my scars.”

“Is that what you want? You want a nice sister?”

“ I don’t know what I want." Never had a truer statement been spoken. "It’s hard for me to think of Azula as a sister. I feel closer to Katara even though I’ve only known her for such a short time. When I see her with Sokka I think, “That’s how a sister should act”.”

“I agree. Katara is pretty great.”

“I’ve known Azula my whole life, but she feels like a stranger,” Zuko had shed the robes and the trappings of the Firelord, what was left was the lonely somewhat awkward adolescent that Aang knew, “I don’t know the kind of things she likes…” 

Aang recalled the sight of Azula barking orders at Noren’s family like they were palace servants with her mouthful, spitting pieces of rice. “Uh, I think she likes spicy food.”

“That’s because of our mother. Her cooking was an acquired taste. Father tried it once and started crying, and never again, Azula and I were the only ones who liked it.” 

“Is that how she killed your grandfather? She fed him her cooking?”

Zuko snorted. For someone as inexpressive as Zuko it was the equivalent of a normal person laughing out loud. “I just remembered something, after mom left Azula acted like she didn’t care. It bothered me so one day I exploded at her about it. After that, she locked herself in the kitchen and wouldn’t come out until she’d made a bowl of curry rice just like mom’s cooking.” 

“Then, you ate the curry rice and the two of you had a bonding moment?”

“No, I thought she poisoned it so I threw the plate against a wall.” 

Yet another thing Zuko had broken in anger, the same way he’d almost broken his sister.

“What if Azula doesn’t really have an evil plan here?  What if she’s here in this forest because she needs your mother just as much as you do?”

“...Azula’s never needed anybody.” 

Aang wanted to tell Zuko that was wrong. The same could be said about the avatar. Sure, he collected companions in every lifetime, but in the end, he’d face the Firelord alone. There was a part of his life no one would ever relate to and it kept him distant from everyone, even Katara who he wanted to be closer to.

The last airbender was the loneliest boy in the whole world. He couldn’t understand the princess of the fire nation, but perhaps he could understand a lonely girl - thinking of that he glanced at Azula.

In her form-fitting armor the color of onyx and dried blood, she could have easily been mistaken for a vengeful spirit coming back to cleanse a battlefield of the living. She stood at the entry of the forgetful valley, with all the volatility of a powder keg with a lit fuse. 

The trees surrounding her were strange. In many ways they’d grown twisted, curling around each other, like a hedge wall of thorns to keep strangers out. 

That was only the beginning of the sense of wrongness that had overtook him.

The flowers didn’t smell. He’d noticed when he saw a stray flower and plucked it to offer to Katara. The flower was vibrant with life, but it had no scent.

Then there were the faces: on the wings of flutter0bats, the backs of squirrel toads, each tree trunk had several faces all screaming wordlessly, they were everywhere and they were always watching.

The Swampbenders had told Aang that the forest one was a living being, but Aang didn’t realize what that meant until now when he felt like he was walking on the back of a giant slumbering creature, fearful of what might happen if it were to wake.

“Okay, what’s with the faces? I know that spirits the ways of spirits are unfathomable to our tiny human brains but why do they have to be so gosh damn creepy.”

Aang didn’t have an answer, this place was so esoteric, so alien, he half suspected they’d wandered into the spirit world by mistake, like the woodcutter in folk tales who fell under a curse and was promptly eating. It certainly reminded him of the spirit world, a hazy reflection of a real landscape, painted with ink that had been thinned too much.

The forest canopy cut off from above. It was difficult to see, that was, until Azula lit up the shadowed woods with her bending.

Wait, what?

Out of the corner of his eye, an azure flame scorched the nearby trees black. While Katara and Sokka were yelling at Azula, Aang’s wind put out Azukla’s flames. 

It had taken him by surprise, but it wasn’t a big deal. His airebnding was oddly suited for calming her fire. 

Katara was less forgiving. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I suppose one of you imbeciles has a better idea of how to proceed?”

“Any idea is better than burning down the whole forest!” 

“This imbecile has a better idea how to proceed,” Mask Maker made their presence known again. They were like a cat, flipping capriciously between meowing for attention and slinking quietly out of sight, “We follow the landmarks I’ve marked in the woods. We have to take the long way. We can’t go straight there, that would make sense, but the spirits are senseless.”

“Oh great,’ Azula groaned, “More spirit bullshit.”

Somehow, Mask Maker came to stand behind her. As surprising as their boldness was, more surprising was the fact that Azula tolerated it. “I’m well versed in spirit bullshit, that’s why you’re paying me.”

Azula turned to meet Mask Maker’s eyes, not looking particularly impressed. That wooden mask was all that separated their faces, “Who said we were paying you?”

They pulled Azula close with a barely concealed grin. “Trust me Lazuli, I’m expensive but I'm worth the price.” 

Azula held Mask Maker’s gaze for a flash before averting her eyes, unwilling to look at them, “Is that so? How much do I need to pay you to never talk to me again.”

But the body behind her was like a burning flame, and their breath was searing. That study press continued to press against her back, and those fine boned hands encircled her shoulders, “That would cost you one kiss, Lazuli.”

It was too bad Azula was fireproof, “If you want to get burned again so badly, then go kiss a dragon.” 

“Dragons aren’t nearly as pretty as you are, Lazuli.”

Aang suddenly felt small in comparison to Mask Maker. Spirit Bullshit was supposed to be his job. There were better benders than Aang, wiser people, kinder people, but he was the one chosen diplomat to the spirit world.

Speaking of diplomats, Azula had been ready to burn down a whole forest a moment ago and now she was smiling to herself as she thought of her next retort. She seemed to enjoy sparring with her tongue (no don’t think of Azula’s tongue). 

At least one of them was in a good mood. The further Aang traveled into the forest, the more he was unsettled. Long ago, other towns existed here. The group encountered eerie signs of human habitation: rotted shacks with sunken, red-tinged roofs, rusted wagon wheel spokes half-buried in the dirt, and barely seen outlines of what used to be enclosures for livestock.

Worst of all was the low, powerful moaning. As if the forest was restless in her sleep. Of course, she couldn’t sleep, they were crawling on her back like ants. 

He tried to enjoy the natural world, untouched by the war outside. There was a richness of avian life in the branches: toucan-puffins, dragonfly-hummigbirds, and even a cat owl. A koala-otter clinging to a nearby tree glanced down, and Aang experienced the strange sensation that the animals could all see he was watching them. 

The landmarks Mask Maker used to mark their path were always strange, like a half-crumbled stone wall, or a boomerang stuck inside a tree. When Sokka tried to remove it, Mask Maker threw a warning knife, shaving off a few hairs. “This forest has the same rules of the red light district, no touching.”

Sokka’s hand touched the new bald spot on his head, “Are you nuts? What did my beautiful hair do to you?” 

“The forest is a high-maintenance woman, she requires your absolute respect otherwise she punishes.”

“Punishes?” 

“Have you seen the animals with human faces? Many of the people making pilgrimages in these woods never come back. The Mother isn’t fond of humans but she loves animals, some say she remakes the humans who displease her.” 

“Is that true, or are you just saying it to mess with me.”

“Obviously I’m just saying it to mess me up, but some villagers say the wolves around this area are highly intelligent and they never attack people.” 

That shut Sokka up. Aang thought the forest was a living being, but he didn’t think it could grow angry. (Why didn’t he think that? Everything angers. Everything hungers. Just as every living thing fears). 

Mask Maker continued explaining, “The forest has a very complicated system of… traps, let’s call it, and all of them are deadly. I do not know what happens here, when humans are away, but when people appear here, everything starts moving. It may even seem that it is capricious, but in every moment it is such as we made it ourselves ... with our inner state. The forest is us.” 

After they followed Mask Maker in silence as if afraid something might overhear them. During that time, for reasons Aang didn’t understand, Azula started walking shoulder to shoulder with Aang and then bumped into him on purpose. “What were you discussing with my brother earlier?”

“Zuko was telling me all about your happy childhood.” 

“I’m sure he made up stories about how I used to light poor little turtle ducks on fire while laughing loudly and cruelly." 

“Did you really do that?” Aang found.

“I’m joking, Avatar.”

“Oh, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this princess but jokes are supposed to be funny.” 

Azula remained as cold and sharp as a knife’s edge, “Zuko seems to think I came out of the womb plotting against him. I was quite the evil mastermind at four years old.”

“From the day you were born, you’ve put me through so much! If not for you, my life would’ve been better!”

Zuko’s words affected her more than she let on. 

“Hey, Azula, I’m sorry.”

Aang’s words were so tactless, it left them both feeling embarrassed. The sheer stupidity of what he just said, caused Azula to stop feigning her total disinterest in him and ask, “...For, what exactly? For being a stupid peasant who stood the way of my grand ambitions?”

Everything she and Zuko said was so dramatic. Royals. “Nope, not that. I’m sorry I didn’t do anything when Zuko was about to throw you off a cliff.”

“Well.” Of course, none of his words penetrated. Azula was so guarded she wore her armor like it was a second skin, “It takes a big man to apologize or in this case a small one.”

“I told you, princess, jokes have to actually be funny or else they’re just mean statements.” 

“I’m just saying if there’s a heavy weight you need to get off your chest I’m listening.”

“The only heavy weight on my chest is my breastplate. Why would I take my armor off?”

“If there was anything you ever needed to apologize for.”

“What would I need to apologize for?”

“Wow,” Aang snorted, “You’re the worst at apologies.”

“Excuse you, I’m the best at apologies. I’ve just never done anything wrong before.”

“So talented.” Aang sighed. “You know, I would forgive you. If you ever did apologies.”

“But that would be a lie, and nice girls don’t tell lies.”

Aang suddenly understood why Mask Maker and Azula bickered every time they spoke, conflict was the only language Azula seemed to understand,  “You’re so… ugh, talking to you makes me want to tear my hair out.”

“But, Avatar, you’re bald.”

“Exactly! Can’t you see I’m trying to be nice to you! You’re crazy!” 

Aang wanted to take the words back as soon as he’d said them, but Azula’s expression was just cold, and annoyed. “You’re the one trying to make little talk with your murderer. Why was I stuck in an asylum for two years while you’re walking around free?”

“Little talk? Do you mean small talk?”

“I mean useless conversations people have instead of saying what they want to say. I killed you, avatar.” Azula raised her voice. Alone with his enemy, he was strangely unafraid.

Azula pressed pale, slender fingers to her temples and slowly closed her eyes. In the moonlight, she looked almost ill, her complexion sickly and pallid. That, paired with the restrained ruthlessness that always lingered in her eyes, made her look even more worn-down. She looked as if many things were weighing on her heart, but she wouldn’t speak of any of them. Not to him at least.  “Even a killer like me knows that murder is unforgivable.”

“You’re really honest, Azula.” Azula head whirled around to stare at Aang, baffled by that statement. “I thought you were a smooth operator but you’re blunt, and tactless. Maybe you’re not that good of a liar, maybe Zuko’s just dumb. I guess you did kill me. There’s no excuse for that, and you didn’t try to make any, but I’m still alive.” 

Azula raised her head as if she had been forgiven, eyes widening in wordless surprise. Aang smiled confidently. It was the smile of someone who’d looked past the act of killing him. Someone who believed in others more than he believed in himself.

“So no big deal, right? You don’t need to be punished. The war’s over anyway, we can stop trying to kill each other. We don’t got any reason to.”

“Except for the fact that I hate you.”

“Really? That’s too bad, because I don’t hate you”

I don’t hate you - 

Azula watched him warily, unable to believe in his words. In the dim light, her eyes were like a sparking flame, turning many colors, flickering between emotions before the fire went out and they went cold. 

“It’s not Katara, or Zuko, or anyone’s business whether or not I forgive you. After all, the only people in the whole world who can criticize you are me the victim, and you the assailant.”

“I don’t hate you either, Avatar, but I’m not you. I can’t live the way you do.” 

At that moment Aang thought - if Azula was fire why did she look so burnt? Why did she look like she was hurting? She wasn’t physically burned like Zuko, she was more like a candle burned down to the wick. “I’m not like you, and I’m especially not like Zuzu.”

“But, Zuko’s your brother.”

“Is that so?” Had she overheard that conversation? “How happy he must have been to learn we don’t have the same father. No wonder mother-”

Azula froze as soon as she’d spoken those words aloud.

Mother.
Mother.
Mother.

The words echoed amongst the trees. The moth-wasps resting on nearby branches stirred. Spreading their wings, they took flight. They weren’t as hostile as last time.

Gyatso once told him about the spirit world, it was a mirror held up to its visitors, reflecting them back.  The forest is us, Aang though looking at Azula. It was so clear here. So fresh. The world outside was what it had always been: dirty, tired, imperfect, winding down, at war with itself, but right here, right now, there was no war between him and Azula.

They weren’t the avatar and the princess of the fire nation.

They were just two people.

A moth-wasp landed on the crown of her head and Azula went completely still. Aang couldn’t help but find it humorous, a mighty dragon afraid of a moth-wasp’s sting.

The insect swarm had caused a few strands of hair to fall out of her topknot. The moth-wasp sat atop her jet black hair like a finely crafted hairpiece. Aang didn’t want her to get stung. Trying to spare his worst enemy the tiniest among of pain, his fingers brushed her hair, fussing with it until the moth-wasp climbed onto his fingers. 

Aang smiled at Azula but she was too busy trying to fix her top knot to notice. When she was finished, she slapped the smile right off his face.

Ow.

“Ow.”

“What do you think you’re doing touching my boyfriend?” Katara said, grabbing Azula by the offending hand and yanking her away. 

The moth-wasps peacefully dancing on the breeze a moment ago, started to buzz and swarm again.

Mask Maker intervened, wrenching Katara away from Azula. “Girls, girls, stop fighting, I'm prettier than both of you.” 

Azula rubbed her arm and Aang noticed there were welts left where Katara had been gripping her. Her damaged skin gave the vague impression the two years in the asylum had left her a ceramic figuring that had been shattered and slowly pieced together. 

Aang wanted to ask her if she was alright, but Forest started to moan again. The sound infiltrated the black water that soaked the nearby forest trees and pooled in a pitch-black spring in the center of this clearing. This water was so dark, that they could not see their faces in it, and it never stirred, rather - it was set like glass.

All he saw was the black water, the gray tree trunks, and the constant, motionless rain of moss falling down. All he heard was the constant sound of moaning. 

Then, a splash - Azula dove right in the water shattering the glassy surface. She disappeared, like she’d been swallowed up.

“Well!” Mask Maker startled Aang.

“Well, what?” 

“Are you just going to stand there gaping like an idiot and watch her drown? A hero should always jump to save a princess.” 

Unlike Aang, always waiting, always watching, only ever reacting, Mask Maker acted, jumping right in after her. They disappeared, and the wooden mask they wore slowly floated to the surface, as the rippling water stilled once more. 

Aang jumped in after, ignoring Katara’s pleas for him to think first. He’d been doing too much thinking lately, and to be honest, he wasn’t very smart. 

The water cleared the further he swam down, and opening his eyes he saw Azula floating their, the strands of inky hair that escaped her top knot flaoting upward. He saw an underground passage carved out of the stone. There was nothing blocking the entryway, but they’d likely drown before getting far inside.

Azula started dancing like a clumsy squid. It was hard to picture Azula being bad at anything but she really was a bad dancer - oh wait. It wasn’t a dance, Azula was trying to imitate the motions of water bending. She was an even worse waterbender then she was a dancer.

Aang finally took the hint, combining water bending and air bending to create a pocket of air big enough to include him, Mask Maker, and Azula.

“Oh,” Aang said as soon as there was air. “You wanted me to water bend.”

“No, I wanted you to stand there and watch while I drowned.” 

“That doesn’t sound like a very good plan, Lazuli. I thought you were supposed to be some sort of military genius.” Mask Maker got up to their feet and offered held their hand high for Aang.

“No wonder you lost the war, Azula.” Aang joined in, and smacked Mask Maker right in his outstretched hand.

Aang turned to Azula. “Now your turn. Give me five!”

Azula raised an incredulous brow. “Give you five of what?” 

“It’s a high five. You just touch your hand to my hand.”

“Why would I want to touch you?” But, she shrugged and pressed her palm against Aang’s. Then she just held their hands together until it got awkward. “

“No, you’re supposed to slap me. Come on, it’s fun.”

Azula slapped Aang across the face again without holding back, then smirked, “You’re right that was fun.” Then she turned on her heel and went ahead in the tunnel.

“How did you know there was a tunnel like this?” Aang asked, following her. 

“Volcanic islands like this are often hollow and full of tunnels left by old magma channels. The royal city is the same. Father used to abandon me in some part of the tunnels and make me find my way home.” 

“What exactly was your childhood like?”

“Oh trust me Avatar, you don’t want to know. Then you might start sympathizing with me, which, ick!” 

Aang fell a few steps behind Azula and out of earshot. Rubbing his cheek, he complained, “I know I’m not the smoothest operator but what exactly did I do to deserve getting slapped twice?”

“Oh, I suppose you wouldn’t know since you’re not a fire nation nobility.” Mask Maker began.

“And you are?”

“Of course. Can’t you tell? There’s no way someone who looks as good as me could ever come cheap.” Mask Maker had left their mask behind revealing a face that was more scar tissue than face. But besides that face, and the dirty striped kimono for some reason Aang didn’t doubt they were nobility. They had the flashy peacock like demeanor of most nobility Aang had met, even if they'd had most of their feathers plucked.

“Girls from the more stuck-up fire nation families would never let just anyone touch their hair. In really conservative families like Azula’s, only Azula’s husband would be able to touch her hair and only in private.”

“H-husband?” 

“It’s kind of like you fondled her breasts.”

“BREASTS!”

“To be honest, when I saw you dirty the princess’s hair like that I wanted to break all of your fingers one by one and then rip out your fingernails.” 

“What are you two idiots talking about?” Azula said, catching wind of their whispers. She really wasn’t that far away.

Aang was praying that Azula hadn’t heard them. The spirit that dwelled in this case heard him, and suddenly a cold hand with translucent skin covered Azula’s mouth, gagging her before she could scream in surprise. 

Aang in turn let something cold tightly wrap around him, but what he thought was a spider snake coiling around him, its legs crawling up his spine was a pair of disembodied arms emerging from the shadow and embracing him tight enough to fracture his ribs, and fingers curling around his neck. 

Several more hands appeared, the hands clawed and grabbed at Aang, and wherever they touched they left a slimy residue. Aang didn’t even have time to check if Azula and Mask Maker were alright before the stone surface he was standing on suddenly rippled like water, and he was dragged under.

“Girl.”

Aang clawed at his own neck until he drew blood. The feeling of slime still lingered on his skin.

Aang blinked and tried to make sense of his surroundings. His hands clawed into wet, porous moss when it should have been stone under his fingernails. He was in a chamber, wide and open like a temple. 

The air was rather humid and there was a particular plant-like smell that came from the moss all around him. He was standing up to his waist in water that looked like filthy sewage. On either side of them, stone arches held up the ceiling. 

Aang around, the dirty water sloshing with his every movement. Eventually, he found a raised platform where two other figures were standing, Mask Maker and Azula, looking a woman clean and untouched by the filthy moss.

The woman was wearing a floral print kimono over a white kimono, with a large black sash tied around her waist. She smoked a kiseru pipe, while a silver censer filled the room with a thick miasma of smoke, but placed it down and nodded in acknowledgement of her visitors. Her expression was indiscernible, hidden behind a white Noh mask. 

“Girl, why are you crying?” 

The woman wasn’t addressing him but Azula, who, on her hands and knees dashed her head against the ground in a frenzied corruption off a daughter bowing to their father. Her skull thudded with stone, she wouldn’t stop until the Woman stopped her. 

“You’re only hurting yourself. Why do you continue?”

The woman stepped down from her raised platform, walking behind her side. She cupped Azula’s face in both hands, gazing with overflowing affection like a mother bears for a child.

“You have such a pretty face, it saddens me to see it so twisted up in pain.”

The woman continued to hold Azula’s chin in one hand, while she used her free hand to pull the Noh mask from her face. 

Azula’s eyes widened so far they looked like they would split at the seams. “Mother, why are you here? If you despise me so much, then why won’t you just leave me alone.” 

Azula jabbed two fingers forward to channel lightning, but she didn’t make a single spark before she was grabbed and ripped away from the woman. Mask Maker held her back like she was a feral animal pulling on the end of her leash and threatening to bite. “Are you sure you're seeing your mom, because she looks exactly like my mom? If she’s not your mom, and she’s not my mom, then who’s flying this war balloon?”

“Her face must be taking on the appearance of your mothers.” Aang surmised. “I think we just met the Mother of Faces.”

“Ugh, why does it always have to be Mother’s” Azula groaned, as she elbowed Mask Maker in the kidney forcing him to let go. 

Lio and Azula had both painted their mother’s features onto the Mother’s blank face. However, for Aang who didn’t have a mother, all he saw was long, dark hair as thick and black as seaweed hiding a rotting fate. Her body was in such a severe state of decay, that she was practically a living skeleton, dressed in fine silks. 

“You’re the mother of faces, aren’t you?”Koh pulled the same trick by switching faces, but he could only wear stolen faces as a mask. “Uh, Hi Mom! I’m Aang.”

“Hello, Aang. Why should I care about you?” 

“I’m uh, kind of sort of the avatar. I’ve uh,” Aang deepened his voice trying to sound more avatar-y, “I’ve come to bargain with you.” 

The Mother waved her bony hand and the chamber rearranged itself according to her wishes. The stone turned to tatami mats, a folding screen with a crane on it appeared behind her, and looking down Aang saw a table on the floor containing a veritable feast. The Mother offered them a tray with a steaming teapot and saucer. 

“So, what did you want to discuss, avatar?”

“Why did you take the form of my mother?” Azula interrupted.

“In a way, I am your mother. I created each and every one of you.”

“Did you really?” Aang asked.

“Don’t believe her.” Mask Maker finally spoke up. “Lots of spirits claim to be the spirit who created humanity.”

“Why would I lie? I don’t enjoy making up stories like you humans.”

Mask Maker gestured flippantly, “A lot of spirits take credit for creating the stars too, they can’t all be telling the truth.”

“That’s the human’s fault. You make up so many stories about us that sometimes we start to believe them.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Spirits are noble and wise, humans are all idiots, I’ve heard it before.” 

Aang was about to take a sip of the tea that was offered to him before Azula lightly smacked his wrist like she was disciplining a child,  “Don’t eat anything from this place, you won’t be able to leave.”

“I’m not Izanami. This isn’t the underworld.” Aang found that hard to believe, considering he could currently see a worm wriggling around in one of Mother’s rotten teeth. “That’s just a story you humans made up. Isn’t it strange? We exist, we’re real, and you humans still make up stories of gods to worship.”

“So, there is no Izanami?” Mask Maker asked.

“If there is, I've never met her. Then, again maybe I am her. I put my deformed son on a boat and sent him out to sea after all. At least I did in one of the stories you humans tell about me.” 

“Your face-i-ness, we’ve come before you to ask for a favor-” Aang began, before he was interrupted again.

“Where have you been the past five years? I was lonely, Mother.” Mask Maker said.

“Every year humans come chasing after me begging for new identities but you’re different. You don’t have any wishes for me. You don’t want to return home.”

“That’s not…” Mask Maker paused,“...then, why did you finally  appear before me?”

“As a favor to the avatar, and because of her…” The Mother pointed with a bony finger, “Do you know what I see you as, girl?”

Aang didn’t know how she saw, with empty eye sockets like bottomless pits.

“What do you see?” Azula asked, humoring her.

“You were a flame.” The moment she said that, Aang had a brief vision, where Azula glowed. “You were a flame, scorching my gaze. A slow-burning flame, floating across the marsh, like nothing human, but something unrestrained and wild, threatening to burn my entire forest down.”

“Oh good. So you know it’s a bad idea to displease me. I tend to light things on fire when I don’t get what I want-”

Aang slammed a hand over Azula’s mouth, “Hello, avatar! I’m the one who’s supposed to be talking here!”

“You should choose carefully Abatar. I only give one favor a year.”

“Wait, just one thing? But we need two things!” Mask Maker wants you to change your face, and we need to find Zuko’s mother. That’s two things. Can’t you make an exception for me? I’m the avatar, and I have a very cute face.”

“No.”

“Damnit!”

“Avatar. We don’t have time for this.” Azula said.

“Wait, I’ll help you look for Ursa. We don’t need The Mother’s favor. Mask Maker just wants to see their big sister again, you can understand that Azula can’t you? You’re someone’s little sister too.” 

“No, Avatar you’re wrong. I can’t understand that sort of thing.” Azula said, Aang was surprised, she almost looked regretful. “Mother of faces, we seek a Princess of the Fire Nation named Ursa,  and I ask that you only tell me where to find her.” 

“Azula, why…?”

“I don’t know, it’s probably because I’m such a bad girl,” Her regret disappeared, making Aang think it was just an illusion brought about the heat haze. “You can still forgive me, can’t you? Since you’re such a good little boy.”

“Your favor is granted. Now get out of my parlor. It’s going to take forever to scrub your human filth off of my tatami.”

Aang suddenly awoke, back inside his own body. His head was resting in Katara’s lap. For a moment he hoped it had just been a dream, but no, it was an unpleasant reality.

Aang sat straight up, “Azula betrayed us! She knows where Ursa is!” 

“Tattletale,” Azula said nonchalantly. She prepared for a fight, but she caught sight of Zuko’s eyes and hesitated. The hurt in his eyes confused her, but quickly confusion was replaced with irritation,  “Oh, what did you expect Zuzu? I was going to help you find your mother so you two could be a happy family while I sat in the asylum?”

“You really think I’d send you back to the asylum after this is all over?”

“You’re the one who put me there in the first place, you fool. You’re not clever, mother told me all about your plan.”

“Mother hasn’t been talking to you. Have you ever thought I put you in that asylum because your brain is broken and you’re too dangerous to be around normal people?”

“You threw me in an asylum for two years and left me there all alone! What did you think was going to happen? How can you possibly be so naive?”

“You’re right, I have been naive.” Zuko eyed Sokka who was standing behind him. “Take her down.” 

Katara moved to get up and fight but she stopped when she noticed Aang was still on his hands and knees, like a beggar,

“Please, we haven’t even had the chance to talk this through…” Aang’s weak words were only overheard by Katara.  “Azula is Zuko’s sister, and she’s a kid like us, so why do we have to fight her?”

“She’s the one who just keeps hurting people, Aang.”

“But she’s hurting too, can’t you see it?” Aang raised his fist into the air and then pounded it on the forest floor hard enough to break the skin on his bare knuckles. Then he did it again. “Why is fighting the only path?” There was the avatar, throwing a tantrum, striking the earth over and over again. “I’m the Avatar! Am I not allowed to want to save her, too?”

At that moment he felt like his destiny as the avatar, his chosen role, all if it was just a futile attempt to save people from who they were. He raised his fist again, but Katara caught him by the wrist, “You big dummy.” 

She didn’t say anything else. Unlike Aang, she grasped that words were just words. For all Aang’s talk about forgiveness in the end he couldn’t do anything but watch as Zuko violently put his sister down.

A sound like a cicada’s crying echoed in Aang’s ears, and his nostrils filled with Ozone as she gathered electricity at her fingertips. Azula always opened with lightning. She fought the same way she did two years ago, even knowing Zuko could easily redirect her lightning. She hadn’t changed in two years. Of course she hadn’t, no one had given her the chance.

The lightning lept from Azula’s fingers, and Zuko caught it. He redirected it through his heart, and then to his fingertip, but it never reached her. 

While Aang watched, someone else acted.

Stupidly, recklessly, just like Zuko did years ago, Mask Maker threw their body between the lightning and Azula. They were both blasted back together, until they collided in a tree. Mask Maker returned to their feet. It was strange, even with a mortal body covered in wounds, they didn’t seem to feel any pain. 

Their only concern was Azula, “Are you alright?”

“Of course not, you got dirt all over my only outfit.”

Mask Maker stared in disbelief. Could she be that shallow? 

“What? It’s not like I can go home and ask the royal tailor to make me a new one!” 

Mask Maker’s cat mask was cracked down the middle and split into two pieces. The bandages wrapped around their face fell away. 

They had soft, smooth hair and narrow eyes peeping out from behind it. Girlishly long eyelashes, and a pointed chin. Thin, small lips, ever-smiling lips beneath a handsome defined nose. From the right side, they were handsome, the severe burns on the left side of their face twisted those features into a mad facsimile of a human face. 

“Y-you’re Lio.”

“Of course it’s Lio. They recognized us right away, and no one else calls me by that insipid nickname.” Azula rolled her eyes, “Sometimes I think you can’t possibly be that dumb Zuzu, but you always prove me wrong.”

“You told me he was dead.”

“I lied. I tend to do that.” 

Zuko didn’t know what to do, so he just waved. “Uh, hi Lio. How’ve you been?”

Lio walked through the darkness until they were face to face with Zuko.
That very instant…
Flames spilled out, flooding the area around them like a ripple on a lake. Sokka and Katara had no way of sensing the impending danger. Flames fanned out through the area, scorching the legs of those trying to escape.

"Simply amazing Zuko. You really do remember me." 

Standing unharmed at the center, shrouded by a white haze was Lio. With a dramatic sweep of their arms, they pushed all the flame burning hot enough inside of them to blacken their bones and tar their lungs outwards. Flames spilled from their being, rushing across the forest floor like a river bursting free from its dam. 

“I’m so flattered.” 

Chapter 5: Do you remember me?

Summary:

Your daily reminder that Azula is a bad person who does bad things.

Everything is a mess, everything's on fire, sorry if this chapter gets confusing.

 

"Didja miss me Zuko?"

Burning. Burning. Burning.
All was burning.
All would burn away.

“Cuz, I missed ya real bad.” 

In air so hot that it was so difficult to breathe, Lio spoke to Zuko, voice falling to a whisper, sounding utterly resigned.

As if possessed by a determined, individual will, the conflagration spread and multiplied, into an all-encompassing ring of fire, surrounding Azula, Lio, and Zuko.

Azula caught sight of the Avatar approaching, squatted low to the earth, and stuck out both hands creating a curtain of flame. “Sorry, but this is a private matter. Welcome to the fire nation, we run on propriety.” 

While Lio’s flame easily overpowered Zuko’s they had one glaring weakness. They were unable to maintain such an intense output continually. Zuko countered when the flames weakened, jumping forward and sweeping both arms downward to create two streams of fire to cut through Lio’s flames. 

The two fires extinguished each other, and Lio and Zuko were both left standing parallel on a ruined landscape.

“Lio,” Zuko said, “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“It’s time to let go,” Zuko lowered his hands, “If you want to kill me, then kill me, just promise to let go of what happened.” 

The flames lighting up the night sky died down and a shadow fell across Lio’s face, blanking their expression. “Let go?” Zuko asked the tiger for their skin, and the tiger only snarled, “Should I let go just like you do? Effortlessly crushing my sister like a bug, and effortlessly forgetting about it.”

Zuko’s clumsy words had stepped on the tiger’s tail and awoke the dragon. There was no defending what he’d done, so he closed his eyes and let their violent emotions wash over him. “This isn’t about me. I’d do anything you wanted to make up for what I did - but you don’t deserve to hurt more people because of what you have suffered.”

“I want my sister’s legs back.” 

Zuko said nothing. 

“Nothing, to say? Fine then, I’ll talk. I’ve got plenty of things to say about you!” 

During the entire conversation, Lio had been gradually increasing the heat inside of their body. 

Blueflame was a unique ability, not because of its power but its control. Any fire bender could turn up the heat, but only someone of Azula’s skill could maintain a blue flame without burning herself. 

Azula was always, like the sun, without flaw. She didn’t make mistakes while Lio’s whole life was one. Their white flame was sloppy - only children and beginners burned themselves. Firenbeders learned to limit themselves, but Lio in desperation had purposefully pushed beyond all of their limits.

Their blood boiled, their muscles undulated, but their body held together. They were not a broken thing, more like a tree scarred early in its development by a lightning strike that continued to grow strong.

Lio crossed both arms creating a jet stream in both hands.
Heat continued to build.
The flames turned yellow, to blue, to white.
Heat continued to build.

“Lazuli, be sure to dodge.” 

“Who do you think you are, ordering me around?”

Heat continued to build, until they finally let go and then let the fire flow forth like water from a burst dam. Fire that moved like water, but was hot enough to melt skin and blacken bones. Zuko’s meager defense wasn’t enough, they were helpless as a turtle duck caught in a river’s current.

Zuko was blasted backward, and tumbled over. Being able to take a hit was one of his only good points. He moved to ready himself for the next attack, but Lio was no longer in front of him. While Zuko was distracted they launched themselves in the air with twin jets from their feet, skating in a half circle to moev behind him. Craning his neck, he caught sight of Lio on all fours. 

Lio never wanted to be a fire bender. They never once took pride in their bending. Trying to smother the flames within them didn’t work. The blood of a lion-tiger surged in their veins, they were a warm-blooded predator. Their natural instinct was to be scorching hot and violently ruthless: they would always rip their prey to pieces, and tear flesh from bone. 

They would never become tame.

Lio lept to maul their prey. Zuko tried to spin around, bending fire from their legs to defend themselves but instinct moved faster than reason. They crashed into Zuko, all claws, teeth, and intent to kill.

Lio howled.

“Just what expression did ya have on yer face when ya had her thrown down the palace steps?”

Zuko threw up his hands to guard, but Lio’s fist slammed into his face. His neck bent back as far as it would go. The force sent him flying with the force of a rhinoceros beetle. He rolled across the ground, and when he tried to roll back onto his feet he lacked the strength to maintain a proper stance.

Flames shot out of Lio’s soles to propel them forward - jet stepping, a technique that usually lifted a fire bender off the ground, but Lio used it to charge forward with speed instead. They threw their arms back behind them for express speed, burning the fabric of their kimono. 

“Showing your face in front of me is real shameless of ya don’cha think?” Their skin started to sizzle from their own flames, but Lio cranked up even further. “You were given everything growing up, so why’d ya have to take everything from my sister?”

They crashed into each other. Lio did not fire bend in spite of the close range, instead, he started swinging, punching Zuko relentlessly, hard enough to form cracks in his bones. Zuko’s body swung back and forth like a pendulum.

“Stop…”

Lio’s fist stopped. Zuko’s lips began to form words.

“You’re gonna burn up, too.”

There was a momentary break in the fight. The stitches sewing together Lio’s mouth had all snapped, their skin sizzled, and started to peel in several places. Zuko’s eyes were watering, maybe from the smoke, maybe from feeling someone else’s pain. Lio paused. For a moment, there was a chance Zuko overcame the odds and got through to them. 

But no, with a confidence born from a terrible place, Lio straightened their spine.

Grabbing Zuko by the neck, hot enough to leave a red mark in the shape of a hand. Lio began to breathe slowly. They constrained their own power instead of releasing it.  

“You overcame your past, let yourself heal. The lost child finally returned home. You’ve returned to the kind boy you once were. You’ll even show kindness to your enemies so, why?”

Upon their third pulsing, charging breath, they released five years' worth of emotion they’d kept inside. It was pure avenging wrath given solidity, hot enough to scorch out of existence the man who’d broken their sister. 

The flame blasted Zuko back, consuming the forest around them, leaving only charred, black devastation behind. There wasn’t a single thing moving in the forest by the time the impact had calmed. 

Aang, Sokka, and Katara could not put out Lio’s fire. They didn’t even know if it was right. Nobody knew what to do, and everybody but Azula turned their eyes away.

As the dust settled Lio stood completely still. Their bodies were covered in fresh burns, and they were no longer capable of Nevertheless, they did not lose consciousness.

“So why couldn’t you be kind to my sister?” 

 

THE PAST

 

 

This day wasn’t anything special, but Lio suddenly recalled the memory. 

Lio’s family was a distinguished household dating back centuries, with customs very different from those of a regular family. Their childhood memories were of an enormous old house and the oppressive, antiquated practices of the family within.

A mansion from another era.
A high-class lifestyle that valued history and decorum.
As a child, he found life in that mansion unbearably dull.

Their escape was the days they spent with Zuko. Their father tolerated the friendship because it was to their family’s advantage for the firstborn son to be close to the prince.

Just like the day before that, and the day before that, Lio snuck away  from their house to their favorite place - by Zuko’s side.

Aside from the fact they were both nobility, the two of them were ill-matched in every way: age, status, and personality. Even their skin tone (honey-colored and fair) and taste in food (sweet and spicy), weren’t alike in the slightest. 

But inexplicably their friendship: flourished: they fought like this every day and laughed together at the end no matter who won.

“Ready to learn your lesson, Zuko?”

“Not in this lifetime.”

“Maybe in the next life you’ll be born a little smarter, and with a good-looking face.”

“What’s wrong with my face!”

“Nothing, Your Highness. I would never insult the crown prince, I want to keep my head.” 

They faced each other, and both made a show of rolling up their sleeves and unbuttoning their collar. Grimacing, Zuko walked a half-circle around Lio. They both bowed to each other, then took opposite fighting stances as if squaring off for an Agni Kai. 

Lio struck out with a half-hearted fire fist that Zuko brushed aside with an arcing kick. When Zuko’s foot came back down, Lio already kneed them knocking them off balance.

Zuko landed on his ass, and then, rolled backward and sprung back up. They both tried to grab the other. As they struggled against each other, they looked like a pair of squabbling children. Both lacked the grace of practiced firebending. They rammed knees into each other's ribs, and aimed elbows into the other’s temples, and each time they absorbed each other’s blows with their shins and forearms.

Lio tripped over their own feet. Zuko tried to press their advantage and jump into the air and bring their knee crashing down like a sledgehammer, but Lio just rolled to the side.

Zuko landed the wrong way on his knee. He rolled around on the ground like a crying toddler. Like a toddler, Lio sensed a tantrum incoming from Zuko.
Three.
Two.
One. 

When he got back to his feet he took a swipe at Lio, but they sidestepped easily.

"Why can’t I beat you?”

Zuko yelled at the heavens.

“Because I’m a handsome genius.” 

Zuko pulled his legs up and hugged his knees to his chest. Whenever Zuko threw a tantrum, Lio usually let the baby dragon stomp around and spit fire until he tired himself out, but this was different.

“You and Azula are both younger than me, why can’t I beat you both?”

“You want to beat up your little sister and your best friend. What a jerk.”

“I’m just tired of everyone being better than me. I already know I’m the worst you don’t have to keep reminding me.”

“Last I checked you were still the prince. You can like, boss me around and stuff.” Lio leaned and flicked the golden headpiece encircling Zuko’s topknot. 

Zuko swatted Lio’s hand away. “So you were just sucking up to me because I’m the Prince. Rude!"

“What? Did you think I liked you for your personality?” 

They wished Zuko would just cheer up already. Lio had never been able to stomach the sight of someone crying. The sight of Zuko’s tears made Lio feel all wrong inside.

“You and Azula are only going to get stronger, and then you’ll leave them both behind. 

Lio went from sympathizing with Zuko to watching to punch him.
So they did.

“Why are you so stupid?”

“How can you do it? How come you can work hard and always smile like it’s nothing.”

Lio considered the question. With anyone else, they’d crack some joke about how it was easy since he was so amazing. Instead, he cast about in their mind for an honest response. Lio usually spent too much time babysitting Zuko’s feelings to think of their own. 

“Because of you. Because I want to protect you.” Lio held out an open hand instead of a fist. When Zuko overcame their initial flinch, they saw Lio’s hand had stopped just short of touching them. They were already so close, but Lio wanted more. They wanted an eclipse. They wanted to be the moon devouring the sun.

“I have to train until my bones ache, until my muscles tear, to be strong enough to stand by your side as Firelord.” 

Lio thought the moment was getting too serious, so they ruffled Zuko’s hair. Zuko looked like a grumpy turtle duck. They were just about to bite but stopped when they noticed the burn on Zuko’s wrist.

“You’re burning yourself again.”

Zuko grabbed Lio by the wrist before they could shove their hand behind their back to hide the scar. Lio tried to play it off, “I can’t help that I’m this hot.”

“I wouldn’t have used firebending if I knew you were still burning yourself. Next time no firebending. We can use swords instead. That’s an order from your prince. Don’t mouth off or I’ll banish you.”

“What a tyrant.”

“That’s it! Banished!” 

Zuko started dragging Lio in an unknown direction. “Where are we going?”

“The palace doctor. ” 

“It’s no big deal. I’m not a crybaby like you.”

“You should cry when you’re in pain. Otherwise, nobody’s gonna notice.” 

“Stop fussing, you’re not my-” Lio stopped. Mother wasn’t here anymore to fuss over them.

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe I wanted to protect you too? If I’m your goal, then you’re mine. Let’s fight every day so we can get strong enough to protect each other!”

Those words were the balm on Lio’s skin. They made all the pain they’d endured to get stronger worth it. They asked, hopeful, “...Do you promise?”

“Promise.”

 

THE PRESENT

 

 

Lio cursed the world that would provide them a friend, only to snatch him away.

Zuko lay on the ground with new scars on his body, neck, and arms on the same side as the burnt half of their faces. 

Lio somehow managed to drag their wound-riddled body over to Zuko. 

“Are you…. Are you going to kill me?” Zuko repeated while wheezing. “Maybe I deserve to die, but if I die here there’ll be a power vacuum, the war might restart… is that what you want?”

Lio wanted to laugh.
They didn’t laugh.

Expression twisting with an emotion other than pain, Lio stood next to them glaring down icily. “What would you have me do? Just watch you abuse your sister the same way you abused mine?”

Zuko lacked the strength to resist - ending his life would be a simple task. Lio crawled on top of Zuko’s prone form, and pinning him down punched his torso relentlessly. 

Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. Firebenders had the ability to restrain their fire and unleash punches that combusted on impact. With each punch, a wave of heat slammed into Zko making his bones creak from the force.

“What should I do? Tell me! Tell me what to do!”

No matter how many times they hit him, Lio didn’t stop. Over and over and over again. Copious amounts of blood splattered on the grass. Each punch is punctuated with the same question over and over and over, “Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!”

“Sorry…” Zuko could only cry from one eye, the other one was too burnt. “I’m… sorry.” 

Lio couldn’t stop. They needed to blame Zuko. They needed it to be anyone’s fault other than theirs because they knew. Just as Zuko hurt their big sister, so too had Lio failed to protect her. They were so similar, same burns, and all the same sins. Lio was nothing more than a dog barking at their own reflection in the mirror. 

“I might have bought that if you started with an apology instead of lecturing me on the folly of revenge.”

Lio clenched a fist full of fire for the final blow. They pulled it back behind their head, but someone grabbed them by the wrist.

“What do you think you’re doing touching a member of the royal family? You must not want that hand.” 

“What’re you doing Laz-”

“Only speak when spoken to!”

Azula wrenched them off of Zuko and dragged them back to their feet, only to kick their flank and send them crashing back to the ground. A reminder that Lio would always be beneath her.

“You’ve been banished and stripped of your inheritance. You’re just a stray, what makes you think you can put your filthy paws on my brother?”

“I’m sorry.” Lio lost all of their ferocity. In mere moments, Azula tamed the tiger, and Lio turned into a mewling kitten. “Are you mad? You’re mad, right?”

“I don’t waste time getting mad at peasants, it’s terrible for my skin. When I’m mad I’ll let you know. Probably by setting something you love on fire.”

“Why…?” Zuko rasped.

“Seriously Zuko, think for a minute, what if you let the whole nation burn down before I can even become firelord?” 

Lio knew Azula was lying, but there was no time to press her further. A wave of water crashed into the flames, a wind burned down what remained, and a water whip snapped seizing Azula’s arm.

Azula just needed to see Lio perform this move once. She collected lightning, but rather than release it she held it inside her until her hair stood on end, the water conducting the electricity fried Katara again. 

“Lio-dog, you can have the honor of sacrificing yourself to cover my retreat."  

“Oh, are we calling each other nicknames Lazuli? I didn’t know we’d progressed that far in our relationship.”

“Don’t call me that nickname in front of our enemies, they won’t take us seriously anymore.”

“They were taking us seriously?” 

In spite of their bickering, Lio obeyed,  reaching out for her hand. Holding onto her, they spun Azula and flames came from Azula’s feet forming a wheel of fire around them. The whirlwind of blue fire forced the avatar and his friends to step back. 

Lio still holding Azula’s hand, took off running. Azula was two years out of shape, and she was one shuka shorter than Lio. Tired of getting dragged behind she barked, “Dog, pick me up and don’t let go.”

“I won’t.” Lio scooped Azula up in one seamless movement. She was light - so much so that it disturbed him. How could Zuko let this happen? In Lio's mind, Azula was an extraordinary individual. They expected that if they were to ever touch her, it would be apparent that she was far stronger than them. But in reality, she felt about as heavy as you would expect for a tiny girl to feel. Azula leaned over Lio’s shoulder, and they supported her with an arm wrapped around her waist. She steadied herself, and lightning rushing through her with a two-fingered thrust she aimed at a nearby tree. The tree went up in flames, and as the flame spread the Avatar was left with a choice, save the forest, or destroy her. 

Lio refused to let go of Azula until Zuko was out of sight and then held on a little longer until Azula became uncomfortable. Lio hissed and scratched like a cat indignant at being picked up until Lio dropped her. 

Azula looked at the hand Lio offered her an apology, turned up her nose, and stood up on her own. “You deserve some praise for that.”

“Really?” Lio asked.

“No, You were awful, I was just trying to be nice about it.” Azula punched them in the ribs for good measure.

“I think I like you better when you’re mean.” 

“Awful presumptuous to assume I care for your opinion.”

Lio opened their mouth to retort, and suddenly coughed phlegm and flecks of blood onto Azula’s face. Lio remembered a time when they were younger, a fever kept them in their room for weeks. Sickness weighed down their body so much they could not leave the bed. Lio wasn’t sad or lonely, because their sister never left their side once.

Just like that time, they felt sick, so sick, they wanted to sleep with their sister holding their hand like back then.

I’m sleepy.

When I get sleepy stuff that’s not moving comes to life.
When I get sleepy I start hearing things that aren’t there.
When I get sleepy I dream with my eyes open.

Reality became ambiguous, and the world around them became runny, like watercolors in the rain. They found themselves lost in an in-between place, with a grove of peach-cherry trees on the other side, flowering out of season.

Lio sighed, “Insanity is so inconvenient.”

With nowhere else to go but forward, Lio walked aimlessly in front of the flowers. They weaved through the memories dripping out of their brain. With no destination or purpose, they kept walking, among the wilting peach cherry blossoms. 

The far-off sounds of water led them to a river. Fire lilies bloomed on either side, Lio could only hope they weren’t standing on the far shore. Lio wanted to dunk their hands in the water to relieve their burns, but they stopped at the sight of Zuko’s blood on their hands. Those fingers squirming so shakily were disgusting, like maggots writhing under a corpse’s skin.

“Aaaaaaahhhh!” A scream escaped his throat. Whether it was a shriek or wail, their broken mind could not understand. They screamed until they tasted blood in their throat. 

“Are you done crying yet? We have got places to be. A princess is always punctual.”

“Lion?”

“Yes, I am your imaginary friend you made up because you’re too lowly to have friendships with real people.”

“Did I…?” Lio lowered their gaze and placed their egan to squeeze their head in both hands. “Did I hurt someone again?”

Lio began to squeeze their head with both hands until their knuckles turned white, and their fingernails dug into their skin. “Protect, I have to… ‘Those who fail to protect others do not deserve to live…’, ‘Those who fail to…’.” 

“You done yet?” 

Lio was embraced from behind. Lion was just an imaginary voice, they’d never before felt their touch. Now the feminine form pressed against their back reminded them of the real weight of their sister’s embrace. The luscious moment of contact. The tender that showed a depth of love only a mother could bring a child. 

“You protected me, didn’t you?”

“But, I didn’t protect you! It’s my fault you got hurt! I let you go see Zuko alone because I was afraid! It’s all my-”

“Are you at fault for everything that goes wrong in the whole world? That’s not compassion, it’s condescension.” 

A slap to their face woke them up. The next moment, they felt a hand caressing their cheek. There were no more illusions. They saw a noblewoman’s hands. Pale, with neatly trimmed nails, but the fingertips were well worn. 

Azula! 

"Oh, was I saying that out loud? How much did you hear?”

“I wasn’t paying attention,” Azula said, but while her voice sounded cold, her cheeks warmed turning red as she turned her head away. “Your personal issues are not nearly as interesting as you seem to think.” 

Azula made a show of wiping the hand that touched Lio’s face as if she might contract some terrible disease by touching them. She made a show of not caring, but she’d still listened, even if there was no way she actually understood what they were saying. 

They looked down to see there were fresh bandages wrapped around their bare stomach. Their kimono had mostly burnt away. Azula put a hand on their stomach and asked if it still hurt, her touch lingering a little longer than it needed to. 

“You wrapped those bandages around me.”

“I just didn’t want your blood staining my clothes.”

“Just admit it. You didn’t want me to die.”

“Never. Not even under torture.”

When Lio tried to straighten white hot pain like they’d been struck by lightning ran through them. When they nearly fell over, Azula supported their shoulder (it wasn't hard, she was so tiny).

“Thank you for not letting me die. That was real nice of ya.”

“I am known for my benevolence.”

“Why didn’t you just leave me behind?”

“You were only out for an hour, and Zuko doesn’t even know where Mother is.” It was perfectly logical reasoning, but… 

“You didn’t answer my question.” Lio put a hand on top of Azula’s. Zula was unused to intimacy to begin with. They should have known her, but there was fire whenever they touched, and Lio hated the cold and wanted something warm and gentle. “Why?”

Azula hastily moved her hand like she’d been burned. “This wasn’t because I like you, I just… the thought of owing you anything makes my skin crawl.”

The brief moment their hands touched, Lio felt their pulse at their fingertips. 

I’m still alive.
I’m still alive because of Azula. 

Azula got to her feet too quickly, as if she was running away from the intimacy. 

 “Lazuli.”

Lio didn’t get up, choosing to call after her.

“Maybe if I stop responding to that nickname, Lio-dog will finally take the hint.”

“Do you really want to kill your mother?”

“...”

“If you don't want to face her, then we can just run away.?" 

They were both motherless daughters. Azula’s childhood scars were Lio’s. Azula’s pain was Lio’s too. “If you kill her, then no matter how much stronger you get, no matter how much you grow, there won’t be anyone to tell you ‘good job’. As long as she’s alive there’s a chance.” 

Faint cracks appeared in Azula’s expression. Her eyes wandered about meaninglessly. She opened her mouth and closed it. It was as if she was fighting something that couldn’t be seen.

“I won’t help you kill her. I'll do anything you want, but I won't do things that will hurt you." 

Azula’s smile like that of a woman much older returned, “You were burned because of me, I owe you an apology but that’s all I owe you.”

“Eh? Since when do you apologize for anything?”

“I know you’re supposed to apologize when you do something wrong, I’m just never wrong. Now that our debts are settled, it’s goodbye.” 

The moment Azula said ‘Sorry’, they seemed to realize - to their agony - Azula was being kind. There was no lie to her gentle words. That was precisely why this signaled the destruction of their relationship.

“I don’t want to”

Azula cut them off, “You’re pathetic, like an abused dog with a broken leg who runs away only to limp back home when they realize there’s nowhere else for them to go.” 

“Who cares about how pathetic I am? I was there for you, wasn’t I?” Lio yelled, raising their voice loud enough to shake the trees. They’d been rejected. They’d been smashed to bits. Their illusions crumbled into dust. “You’ve got this far because of me, didn’t you?! Your mother made a deal with a spirit to change her face, just to get away from you. Do you really think anyone in this whole world other than me cares for you?”

Numerating every deed to their credit that they could think of, they tried to remind her of her debts to force her to stay.

But, if the relationship between them was only about repaying favors then that relationship would end as soon as the debt was repaid. 

“It’s like Zuko said, I don’t need anyone.” 

Lio tried to wrench her arm and force her to look back. “Yes, because, you were doing such a good job on your own. You’ve been acting like a little idiot this entire time, charging in again and again without a plan. If your younger self saw you, she’d never want to grow up to be you. You’re going to half-ass killing your mother like you’ve been half-assing everything else.”

Azula struck them in the face, hard enough her nails drew blood. “I’m half-assed? What about you, you moron? Zuko would have repealed your banishment because of that stinking guilt complex of his, but no, you’ve been hiding yourself in the woods like a coward. You know why?”

Azula turned around then and struck out with her fist, and Lio caught it in their open hand. 

“Because you were right, it was your fault. You broke everything.” 

Her opposite hand smashed into Lio’s face so hard their neck bent the wrong way. Firebenders could do extreme damage from the concussive force of their bending alone. Azula kneed them on the stomach and jumped on him. They fell together with Azula landing on top, straddling them with her thighs on either side of their hips. 

“You weren’t around to protect your sister when she needed you, You were tricked by me, burned, banished, and while you were gone your family fell apart. All of it, your fault!” 

Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. 

Battered by both fists and words, Lio didn’t attempt to fight back. Eventually, her blows weakened and she found herself battering Lio’s chest with weak blows until she tired of that too. 

Lio noticed - several strands had fallen out of her top knot disheveled top knot, her bangs partially obscuring her eyes. With the tips of their fingers, they brushed the bangs from her face and tucked them behind her left ear.

It was such a simple gesture, straightforward in its intentions. They wanted to get a closer look at her eyes, so they flicked away the hair that was obstructing their view.

Azula gripped the fingers of that gentle hand and bent them backward. The sound of a snap reverberated in Lio’s ears, and with it, Azula lost her last bit of restraint.

She leaned down until their knows were touching. It was a terrible, violent intimacy. If she could not be loved, then she would be feared. 

For a moment it seemed as if she might touch their lips together, but instead, she kissed where Lio’s neck dipped to their shoulder and exhaled fire. They pressed her lips there to brand them as hers. To leave permanent scars. Lio bucked wildly beneath Azula, trying to throw her off, but they couldn’t escape. They knew who they belonged to.

“See,” She drew back, breathing smoke and fire, “Even you fear me.”

Finished, she went to the river and cleaned her mouth out with water, like she’d tasted something vomit-inducing. 

As she walked away, Lio’s teeth chattered. They broke out into a cold sweat. They could not make their body move, they had become a prisoner of fear. 

Lio wasn’t able to follow her.
Wasn’t able to realize it.
Wasn’t able to catch up.
Wasn’t able to stop her.

The Recent Past

The first time seeing Azula in five years wasn’t dramatic, it was unlike anything that might appear in a storybook. He caught sight of her from far away. At first, they didn’t believe it. They tailed from a distance, and when Azula didn’t notice, they moved close enough to touch her, but she still didn’t notice.

It was a mistake, getting this close to a flame.
She stole - their breath. 

They couldn’t remember how to breathe properly no matter how hard they tried. 

Ba-dump.
Hair like black paint on a canvas.
Skin like a snowfield with no footprints.
Lips that curved like the petals of a cherry blossom.

Ba-dump.

Their pulse rose.
Their heart beat erratically.
Their nerves split one after another. Their spinal cord heated up in hallucination. The hanging forest was a dead place where people went to die, but this girl was alive. Living, breathing, pulsing, like a flame, like a heartbeat. 

To say they were entranced was understaint their obsession.

. . . I have to chase her.
I have to chase that woman.
Chase, chase, chase. 

Azula continued to act as if she didn’t see them. She wasn’t interested at all. Not interested? That’s absurd. I’m a pretty interesting guy. Was something wrong?

She looked like a mental patient, shuffling through the walls of a madhouse while they imagined themselves someplace else. 

She was so vulnerable.

Just like Lio was.
Lio said they would do anything for her, so she asked if she could kiss them.

Without warning she put her hands on either side of their head. They felt the intense, hellish heat radiating from inside her, but it was too late. She leaned in and kissed them. Searing, and Burning were insufficient words to describe the pain. Their face erupted in boiling agony, their skin started to crack and peel, and they felt the fat in their cheeks liquefy, they tried to scream but choked on smoke and ash.

Lio clutched their chest to hold back the emotions bubbling up, like lava through the cracks in their being. I want to cut her and lick up the blood. When would he ever get this chance again? I want to cut her down and savor her. The chance to break Zuko’s sister. The royal siblings deserved it, they were cold-blooded reptiles. 

“Hey, Lio. This is pretty fucked up.”

Lion’s voice.

“Turn around, she's not good for you."

“You’re not even real. I don’t have to listen to you.” 

“Turn around.”

He didn’t.

"Ugh, you have such terrible taste in women." 

For Lio, Lion’s voice was like a big sister trying to protect them.

Their violent impulses weren’t a result of a fractured mind, but a broken soul.

They followed Azula unseen. Their throat ached with thirst.
Lio reached into the pouches sewn inside their kimono and pulled out a short knife. They felt the edge with their fingertips. 

She couldn’t escape. The lingering scent that girl left behind made their mouth twitch upwards. They could follow her by scent alone.

The girl who once looked down on them now looked as fragile as shoji paper. One swing of the knife would cut through her - but what Lio saw next caused their grief to listen.

Azula leaned her back against a tree to reset, sank all the way down to the forest floor, and hugged her knees. She became obsessed with her wrist, scratching at her own skin like she wanted to see the tendons underneath.

Blood spilled out like wine. “A-are you alright?” Lio stammered. 

It was only a momentary hesitation. They held the knife so it wouldn’t slip from their fingertips. They were a lion tiger - with one powerful swoop of their claws, they could eviscerate her, decapitate her, break her neck.

It was only when their hand tightened on the knife that they remembered they wanted to ****  her.

“If you do this, you won’t be human anymore.”

“Was I ever to begin with?” Lio scoffed.

When Azula stopped to look at a stream she stared at her reflection. Lio approached from behind, but she didn’t notice the reflection in the water right next to hers.

They wanted to claw and bite at her. They wanted to use the knife to leave thick scratches over her face until her exterior was just as damaged as her interior. To remake her in their image.

“I love you Azula, I do.”

A voice came out of Azula’s mouth. More refined. Ladylike.

Azula bashed her forehead against the ground, and cradling her head in both hands, spoke in her own voice, “...No you don’t.”

Lio saw a sniveling, sobbing child. She hiccuped, and snot flowed from both nostrils. She shed whatever dignity she had left, all that remained was the husk of a princess. 

So this is what she looks like when she cries. 

Lio crumbled completely at her crying. The knife slipped from their fingers, quickly forgotten. 

What am I trying to do?
Why am I doing this?
What does Lio… want to do with this girl? 

Lio leaned their weight on Azula’s back and loosely crossed their arms around her neck. “I’m sorry, Azula.” The apology, the embrace, it was all they could do but it was so little. “I’m sorry that I can’t do anything but stand here like a big insensitive jerk. I'm scum. I'm a louse. I'm the enemy of all women everywhere." 

All they could do was untangle themselves from her and sit by her side to keep her company.

“I guess you were abandoned by Zuko, too,” Lio said after some time.

She kept on sobbing like she didn’t hear. “Awe come on, don’cha go crying now.” Lio put a hand on Azula’s back, hitting her perhaps a little too hard. “Zuko doesn’t care about us. He doesn’t care whether we laugh or cry, so let’s laugh at what an idiot he is together.”

Lio laughed loudly, they laughed because Azula could not laugh. Overhearing, Azula’s head slowly turned, at the sight of them, and flinched like a battered child.

This was Lio’s last chance to hurt her, but they stood up and offered a hand instead. It was just as much for their own sake, as it was hers. They were nothing more than a lost child in the woods, and Azula had come to find them, and hold their hand, and take them back home.

It was so good not to be alone. 

The Present

Lio wasn’t the Avatar or the Firelord.
Regular humans like them could only crawl.
Squirm, suffer, struggle in vain.
Just crawl along and live. 

The surrounding forest was shrouded in a heat haze. Everything was blurry. Was it because the inside of their head wasn’t clear? 

I’m starting to feel sleepy.

“Let’s rest now. "

A female voice.

"Sleep, just like mother." 

Then footsteps echoed. A man walked across the dojo floor.

“Lio… or do you want-?”

A male voice.

Father’s.

“But, I can’t get up…”

“Get up, Lio. Do your job. Fight to kill, just like I do, or do you want to be left behind?”

(Heavy expectations. Can't carry them. Can't get up.  Get up. I don't want to. Get up. I can't.  Which one is it you don't want to or you can't? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. All you know how to do is say I'm sorry. What use is that? There's someone who needs you so get up. f I die here no one will care. No one's waiting for me at home, so can I rest now? Get up, you still have work to do. Nobody needs me Get up. Zuko doesn't need me anymore. 

“You’re not his friend, you’re his sword. The prince has no need for a broken blade.” 

That was Lio, a chipped blade that had finally broken. They couldn’t do a single thing properly. 

Yet still.

Lio forced themselves to stand. “Everyone shut up. It’s getting way too crowded in my head," They muttered. 

They were a beaten dog, limping their way home. The path around them became confusing, the forest unrecognizable, until it brought them to the person they wanted to see the least. 

“Lio,” Zuko said. “You look like shit.” 

"Ugh, wrong fire sibling." 

He came closer. Lio tried to push them away, but they were weak. They didn’t want Zuko to notice the fresh burns. Zuko noticed. “What happened to your neck?”

"I named you Lio, after the Lion-Dog's that guard the temple steps. It's a name for someone who protects." 

Father's voice again. 

Lio knew. They knew they weren’t a lion dog. They were just a stray. A stray dog hiding their head and tail. They’d only fallen the last five years, while Zuko who was a carp had lept over the dragon gate.

They knew, but they didn’t like to be reminded.

“Mask…” Lio rasped.

They couldn’t let Zuko see. 

“A proper smile is the only mask you need.” 

Lio smiled, the same smile they used to practice in the mirror. A clown needed their makeup after all. “A gentleman never kisses and tells.” 

“Just say what you mean. We don’t have time to waste on games, real people are going to be hurt.”

“Awe, but life's no fun without games.”

Zuko exhaled through his nose, releasing a small flame. It was the snort of a dragon, warning a hapless human not to encroach upon his territory or touch his treasure. Do not take from me, and I will not take from you. 

“So, are we going to finish this or what.” 

“It’s fine, It’s fine.” Lio waved their hand flippantly, “I’m over it.”
“You’re over it.”

“You were right. I’ve succumbed to my own revenge. If only I’d learned the folly of revenge sooner, but alas, it’s too late for me. You’ve gotta live on now, live for the both of us.”

“Did you practice that monologue?”

“No, I improvised it. I write my own poetry too." 

Lio tried to shove their way past Zuko who wouldn’t budge. When they tried to sidestep him, Zuko kept blocking their path. Boy and Girl-Boy struggled against each other until they bumped heads.

When Lio finally shoved Zuko down, he shot back up and continued to follow like a turtleneck mistaking Lio for its mother.

“Where are you going?”

“Noriko’s house. She’s Ursa.”

“How…”

“I was never technically banished from the fire nation, just sent to this backwater town by your father to watch over her. My family’s done icky jobs for the throne for generations. As they say, Keosho rule the sun and Karazakov rule the night.”

“You knew, and you weren’t going to tell us?” 

“You didn’t ask.” Lio shrugged. “Now shoo. I’m going to stop Azula from killing your mother because apparently, I have to do everything by myself.” 

“You can’t beat Azula with a body like that.”

“I beat you, didn’t I?”

“I was going easy on you.”

“I ALMOST KILLED YOU.”

“I was patiently waiting for my window to counterattack. I was coiled like a spider-cobra, ready to strike." 

“If you’re going to act like a clown Zuko, you could at least tell good jokes.”

“Fine, you want me to be serious? What do you want? To kill me? There will be consequences if you kill the Firelord. Did you even think about those? What do you want after all this is over?"

Spoken like a true king.

Lio was glad. 

They had wanted Zuko to be king, and their dream had come true in the worst way imaginable. Why? Why? Why? They’d seen Zuko ready to murder Azula. That wasn’t the prince they knew. Their friend wouldn’t do such a thing, so who was this? I would have been the one happiest to see you as king so why? 

“I want to go back!” Lio shouted. “All I want is to go back in time. I want to redo everything! I want a better ending. I wanted you to become firelord. I wanted to watch.” 

Lio faked a smile, it was easy with their face carved up like this. “But that's wishing for the moon. So let’s work together to stop Azula. You can throw me in a cell if you want, I don’t care, just promise Azula walks free after this.” 

“I…”

Lio waited for a moment, that felt like five years. Finally, they heard Zuko’s ice-cold voice, “I’m sorry.” 

Lio’s mind was encompassed entirely by fury. Their breath shortened; they could almost taste and smell the blood on the back of their throat. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you only ever know how to say I’m sorry.” With a bitter smile, Lio gave the final word, “What use is that?” 

“You misunderstood. I’m sorry this didn’t go like your little fantasy drama. Isn’t this just how you imagined it? You tell me just how you’ve suffered and I feel sorry for you. Well, I do feel sorry for you, and if Azula hurts my mother or anyone in that village, I’ll kill you myself.” 

In that moment: Lio had a clear revelation. He would rather have Zuko never come back from his banishment. He would rather see the cold remains of Zuko in some obscure corner of the Earth Kingdom with no one to collect them than see this refined and powerful promising young firelord.

And yet, for a moment, Lio almost smiled, betraying an entirely genuine affection. “You know what, Zuko? I really did miss you.” 

Notes:

If you've read Shadow of Kyoshi, or Reckoning of Roku there's a couple of obvious parallels in this.

Lio puts on airs a lot, so they speak in a hick accent when they're getting emotional.

If Zuko seems too harsh, he's balancing personal responsibility and the responsibility of being fire lord and doing a bad job of it. Also, Lio isn't exactly a reliable narrator.

I hope you had fun, please leave a comment if you liked it.

Chapter 6: Azula, Interrupted

Summary:

The original title for this chapter was "Azula Alone", but she's not alone for a good portion of it so I named it after my favorite book.

I did not like comics Ursa. I prefer the Zuko Alone, and the creator commentary that Ursa was a noblewoman in an arranged marriage with Ozai that was comfortable at first and went sour over time. Even Zuko Alone doesn't give much to go off so this is really just my version of Ursa.

In my interpretation both Ozai and Ursa had a golden child and a scapegoat, for Ozai Azula, for Ursa Zuko. I've always seen it as Ursa and Ozai playing chess with each other, with each of them trying to set up their favorite child for success while kind of emotionally sabotaging the other child. One time I read an author commentary from GRRM on Caitlyn Stark in Game of Thrones, and to paraphrase what he said, to a modern audience Caitlyn looks like an abuser who's treating Jon terribly. However, if you judge her by the standards of the time, Caitlyn is just trying to make sure that the bastard child doesn't threaten Rob's legitimacy as heir or any of her other children's inheritance. In fact the way she treats Jon is pretty standard for the time

That's how I see Ursa.

“This clarity made me able to behave normally, which posed some interesting questions. Was everybody seeing this stuff and acting as though they weren’t? Was insanity just a matter of dropping the act?” 

- Girl, Interrupted

Azula crouched on Noriko’s roof, listening in. She heard a stove turned on and a pot set down to simmer. It gave her pause. If she’d known yesterday was the last time she would ever taste her mother’s cooking she might have savored it more.  

 But, what use was there regretting when mother never once regretted leaving her?
Yes, Mother was the one who lit this fire. 

And Azula -
Azula exploded.

Calling lightning she crashed through the roof of the ramshackle and fell from above in a shower of sparks. However, the happy family dinner she’d been expecting to crash into wasn’t there. The kitchen was empty except for a woman, standing so still and composed she could be mistaken for a portrait. 

“Azula.”

Ursa pronounced Azula’s name strangely like it was a word in a foreign dialect. 

“Mother.”

“The door is right there.”

“Mother.”

“It won’t be cheap to repair the ceiling.”

“Mother! Why did you leave the palace for some… quaint backwater town?”

“In my country, we exchange a pleasant hello, before asking questions.” Mother gestured for her to sit at the table. She removed the teapot from the stove and poured two cups. 

“Mother, I’m here to kill you.”

“That can wait until after tea, dear.” 

It wasn’t an invitation for tea, that much was clear. Ursa must have anticipated her arrival and sent the rest of her family away while staying behind to confront Azula herself. 

Mother was inviting her to sit down and play a round of Pai Sho. Ursa made the first move, using herself as bait. Now she waited for Azula’s response. 

“I’m sure you want answers.”

Azula didn’t know this woman at all, but she knew these kinds of games. Azula sat down, accepted the tea, but set it to the side without taking a drink - “Yes. I want to know what kind of mother makes a deal with a spirit to change her face just to run away from her own children.” 

“Nine years ago I poisoned Azulon in his sleep so your father could ascend to your throne. If word got out Ozai usurped the throne Zuko’s legitimacy would be called into question. Without a clear line of succession, the four great noble families will squabble, it’ll be a second camelia-peony war.” 

Azula did not know this woman. She always thought her mother ill-fitted for the politics of Caldera City, like a moon lily shrinking away from the sun. “It’s better for both of you if I never come home.” 

Still, at least Mother was consistent about one thing, “Better for Zuko, you mean.” 

“Is this what you came all the way here for? To make snide remarks at your mother?”

She came to see her mother cry.

To cry, beg, and not be forgiven.

Mother was the first person to wound her. She’d experienced her mother’s abandonment as a slaughter. She’d felt annihilated, betrayed, and was left with nothing but fear. Fear that others would leave her. Fear that others wouldn't love her. 

There were no words to communicate these desires. “No, I can’t here to kill you.”
Violence was the only language Azula was familiar with.

“You’re so uptight. Drink your tea, it will relax you.” Ursa pushed the tea in front of Azula. “I needed to disappear after Azulon’s death. The plan was for me to return to my home village and hide with my childhood friend Ikem and wait for your father’s word. I waited, the months stretched into years until finally a wakashu with half a face appeared before me.”

“Lio-dog? They knew, too? Was anyone telling me the truth?” 

“Welcome to the fire nation, darling. Look at anyone, and most of the time the face they’re wearing isn’t the real one.” She was right, of course. For Ursa, “mother” was just another mask. 

“They knelt before me and confessed Ozai sent them here to kill me and would repeal their banishment only if they brought back proof of my death. But…“ If you die it will make Azula sad, so I’ll disappear in the forest instead - saying that they vanished.”

Azula didn’t understand those words. Lio should want to hurt her. They should want to take revenge. “So, you remarried Zuko’s father and had a new daughter because the first one turned out to be such a monster.”

“Did your father show you the letter?” Ursa waved her hand dismissively, “He knew it was a fake. He was… yes, he was just using you to toy with Zuko.” 

“Why write a letter that could put Zuzu in danger like that? I thought he was the one you liked.” 

“Your father broke my heart.”

“Because he tried to have you assassinated?”

“Oh, that? That’s just politics.” Ursa shook her head. “We used to be partners, but your father started to think his successes were entirely of his own doing. I heard he’s sitting in a dungeon now. That’s what happens to husbands who don’t listen to their wives.” 

“Why not come back and see us? There was no reason to hide anymore.”

“There was one, Kiyi.”

Azula wasn’t a good enough reason to stay. 

Azula wasn’t but - this new daughter was. 

“I was your daughter! You already had two children! Why did you need another one?  Fathered by a peasant, at that!”

“Azula, calm yourself!” Azula flinched, and hated herself for flinching.“Kyi is nine years old, I disappeared nearly ten years ago, you’re capable of basic math aren’t you?” 

That meant -

“You had the palace. You had servants. You’ve had everything given to you since birth. I thought you would be fine without me. Kiyi only had me. I couldn’t leave her.”

“You were my mother, first! You were all I had! If you didn’t want me then why did you sneak into the palace the night of my coronation? If you don’t like me then why won’t you leave me alone?” 

“...I wasn’t there the night of your coronation. No one was there. I’ve heard the stories. You banished everyone. You were all alone in the palace.”

“If you weren’t there then why did I see you? Why do I see you everywhere? Why do you talk to me…?”

“Well, I’m not a doctor, but it’s probably because you’re a psychotic little girl who misses her mother.”

Ursa had done what the doctors at the asylum failed to.

She’d made Azula see reality.

Mother wasn’t there on the day of the coronation. Mother had never been there. But now she was on her hands and knees before empty space. 

“I don’t know there’s something off about her. I can’t explain it but she’s slipping.” Zuko.

“ You,”  Ty Lee.

“Slipped,” Mai.

“You let it all go.” Father.

Azula froze. In time, in her mind, everything went still. She felt like she was sliding out of reality, that she’d blink and find herself in the world of spirits.

“Why don’t you let this all go?” She picked one voice out of the many. It was Mother's. Reality became real again. “You’ve slipped and fallen, it’s over now.” 

She waited to hear her other mother’s voice again, but there was silence. There were no more illusions.  Azula was on her hands and knees. She was all alone. Even the family inside her own head had abandoned her. 

Yet, she could feel herself slipping out from her own body. Slipping, and falling. She fell face first on the table, the impact shaking her teacup. The honey in her mother’s tea must have been disguising another taste. “Poison?” 

“Just a muscle relaxant. In small doses, poison can be medicine. I’m trying to help you.” 

“Liar. When you have ever done something in my life to help me? Father was more help than you were, at least he taught me to help myself.”

“I’m the one who taught you to lie. Subtlety was never your father’s strong point.” She reached for Azula. Perhaps, to smooth her daughter’s hair which had become such a mess.  Azula felt so fragile at that moment. The gentlest of touches from her mother might cause her to break.

Then, the rest of the roof caved in.

Lio fell from above in a rain of fire and landed on the dinner table.

“Does anyone know how to use the door?” Ursa sighed for perhaps the thousandth time.

“Yo, future Mother-in-law,” Lio casually greeted her, “I’ve come to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

“What are you doing here? You fear me too!" Azula snapped at Lio. "You turned tail and ran from me like a coward!” 

“Oh, Lazuli.” Lio smirked, and winked with their one good eye “The fear just makes it hotter.”

“What? Why is your eye twitching like that- never mind, how did you even get here so fast?" 

“We flew!” Aang yelled from above.

He slowed his descent with his glider, while Zuko failing to jet step with the finesse of Lio spun around in the air before landing face first. Mother immediately rushed to help Zuko up, while Azula looked on, simmering with envy just underneath the surface. 

“Another one?” Ursa said, looking at Aang. “Since when were you this popular? I always thought the boys were afraid of you after you stabbed that one general’s son with a fork after he asked you to dance.” 

Zuko pushed away from Ursa and spun around creating an arc of fire that Azula just barely managed to dodge. Azula tried to hit back but he easily Zuko ducked and weaved between her sluggish attempts at fire fists, and moved in the opening she left. Grabbing her by the neck, he dragged her across a counter knocking every single dish on the floor before finally slamming her into a table, breaking both her and the table.

Zuko stepped on her while she lay prone, only hesitating when Ursa shouted, “Zuko, how many times have I told you not to fight with your sister?"

“Sorry, mom.” 

"She’s drugged she can’t even fight back," Something like guilt edged its way into Ursa's voice. 

“Sorry, I lied.” Azula rolled on her back and kicked straight upwards hitting Zuko under his chin, hard enough to throw him off his equilibrium. “You really think I’d drink anything you offered me, Mother?" 

Azula made circular motions with both arms to gather lightning from the air and pointed it all at Zuko. She regretted it the moment she let go. She knew Zuko could redirect it. Why did she keep using her lightning?

She was fighting like the Azula from two years ago. She’d never progressed, not in two years.

Zuko had gotten black to his feet too fast and channeled his lightning through his body. Zuko didn’t hesitate to point it back at her. 

Lightning traveled instantaneously.
One flash and it would be over.
Each second stretched into five. 

Life seemed to flash before her eyes. 

Her nerves stretched until they frayed.

It was all over - until it wasn't. The avatar fired a blast of air at Zuko throwing him off his feet, knocking the lightning’s aim away from her and into the sky. 

“What are you all doing? We haven’t even tried to talk yet!” 

“Should I just sit there and let her kill my mother?”

“How about nobody kills anybody? Is that an option!? I would very much like that to be an option!” So naive, like a child unable to adapt to the world of adults. “She’s your family. So why does a complete stranger seem to care more than you?” 

Oh, the avatar cared.

She was touched. Flattered even.

How nice of the avatar to hand her the perfect distraction. 

She snatched Mother’s tea and downed it in one gulp. As much as she loathed copying the old fart’s move, needs must. She needed to show them, that even a dragon with its wings in tatters forced to crawl on the ground could still breathe fire.

“Do you want to see why they’ll soon call me the phoenix ascendant?”

Azula spun around exhaling a cyclone of blue flame. Now with some space in between them, she’d show them true fire bending. Determination and confidence surged through her like electricity. She was in no mood to return home with a straight jacket. 

Azula was a sore loser.

At this point, she would rather burn herself to cinders than let someone else decide her fate. If she was going to lose, she’d rather do so as the grandest firework possible.

So, she did as her mother instructed, she let go, and let loose. From her both arms, from her mouth, she let it all go. An explosion of blue fire boomed in the sky of the small village. Azula’s curtain of fire fanned out - it was as marvelous as a Caldera city firework show. 

Just like fireworks, it burned out too quickly. 

She’d reduced everything around her to charcoal. The ramshackle hut Ursa spent the last eight years playing house with a fake family was gone. 

Shrouded by a blue haze she mindlessly stepped forward into the ruins of her mother’s house. She searched for Mother, then grabbing Mother by the robes, she lifted her to her feet and pushed her against the wall.

“Azula, I…”

“Now, now, mothers should be seen and not heard.” Azula squeezed her neck hard enough to crush Ursa’s airpipe. “You were afraid of me, weren’t you? You couldn’t love a daughter who was stronger than you, so you made me feel unworthy and weak.” 

Ursa gasped in response. “Oops,” Azula said and loosened her grip enough for Ursa to talk.

“You’re trying to kill your own mother. Why wouldn’t I be afraid of you?” 

Azula knew she was wrong. In her mother’s eyes, she was always wrong. She was wrong, but Ursa had killed her first. She’d killed Azula with a smile on her face, forcing her to destroy the person she really was.

“You don't mean that!" 

The avatar?

So he had survived.

Pity.

"You don't really feel that way. it's not true at all. You're the only family she has. No one else will forgive her for what she's done. All the people who she's hurt will still hate her."

For a moment it was like someone had doused water over her blazing fury.

She could not figure out what surprised her more: the avatar’s unconditional kindness, or the fact that it made her hesitate - why was she…?
More than anything in the world, Azula hated emotions without reasons and decisions made with no rationale.

"Azula, stop. You're not the Princess of the Fire Nation anymore. Family is all you have left. If you kill her than you'll be all alone, is that what you want?" 

The avatar seemed to just be trying to reason with her, but she took it as a patronizing way to pity her. Because the person who said it was looking at her like she was a wounded animal.

(Whatever. Who cares what that weirdo thinks or says?)

She stuck two fingers underneath Ursa’s chin. It wouldn’t be murder. Her mother had been dead for nine years. She just cremating the body after carrying the corpse of her mother with her all this time.

“I’m sorry…” At the sight of Azula’s fire, Ursa melted into tears. Azula shook, no child could see their parents cry without feeling anything. “I’m sorry I didn’t love you enough.” 

It was all so simple.

Ursa never crushed her daughter under unrealistic expectations. Never made her train until she collapsed. Never abused her. Never tyrannized her. Never neglected her. 

She’d abused Azula in the most heinous way - by  simply not loving her. A parent’s love wasn’t some duty to be fulfilled, it was a feeling.

Hearing that apology, Azula realized there was nothing she could do to make her mother feel that way. She let go. let Ursa drop to the ground. Then she ran away. She didn’t even know who she was running away from, her mother, her brother, maybe even herself. She dissipated like smoke, leaving her crown and the two people who were supposed to care about her but didn’t.

She ran into the woods.
No one followed.
The woods were silent like a graveyard, a dead place with no signs of life.
There was no one else.
Azula alone.

Trying to hold herself together was like trying to hold all the broken pieces of a mirror with her bare hands, it was painful and cut down to the bone. Even if the voices were gone the sensation of slipping was still there, she held on as long as she could before letting herself slip again.

Waking up, she was sitting with her back against the tree.
The worst symptom was the lost time, she’d already lost two years . How much more was there to lose?

Her body was fatigued. Hungry. So hungry. Just like the asylum. Always hungry, but unable to swallow down her food. She’d lost most of her body fat in her time there - the princess used to eating the finest food now resembled a starving peasant. 

In the aslyum, the only time she wasn’t hungry was when she slept.

She wanted to sleep, but she was afraid.

If she closed her eyes then the next time she opened them she might find out none of this was real. She heard footsteps on the forest floor. Were those real, or just the product of a paranoia, one of the many creative ways her mind had come up with to torture her over the years. 

She slowly turned her head to see her mother standing there. 

A hand reached for her face, long delicate fingers, soft hand, skin so fair it was like it had never been touched by the sun. Even wearing a different face, she could recognize her mother by touch alone.

The mother inside her own head hadn’t left her after all. 

The vision of her mother spoke in a sweet, cloying tone,“Give up this futile quest, my daughter. Go home. The throne is Zuko’s destiny. Yours lies elsewhere.” 

Mother wasn’t here. This was - only a memory.
Mother wasn’t there for her as a child because she’d run away and changed to hide from her own children. Mother never came back because she’d had a replacement daughter that was everything she wanted Azula to be, and everything Azula wasn’t. 

The woman who wasn’t her mother gently consoled Azula, helping her back to her feet the same way she used to with Zuko whenever he stumbled and gave himself a boo boo.

A hand was offered to her. Azula allowed her hand to pass right through, but no, the hand was solid and warm. The woman wearing her mother’s face guided her forward. Mother clung Azula’s hand tightly as if she were afraid to lose her. 

Flowers sprung up wherever they stepped. All around her wildflowers began to bloom out of season. She recognized those particular breeds. These flowers didn’t belong here. They were the flowers mother planted in the palace gardens. 

She heard faint laughter in the distance as she recalled the gardens she played in as a child. Convincing as it was, she didn’t fall for the illusion. It was a lie, just like her friends, just like her talent, just like her bright future.

All lies. 

A young Zuko suddenly stepped out of the greenery and Mother’s hand slipped away as she went to his side. ide by side, they were the perfect portrait of a mother and son.

Azula was only able to gaze at them from afar.  No matter how beautiful a painting is, it’s impossible to step inside it. 

Her head fell and she caught sight of her reflection on the turtleduck pond.

Looking back at her wasn’t the skeleton of a princess, but a irl of eight who hadn’t quite lost the baby fat in her cheeks. 

At Ursa’s request, Ozai ordered fires from all over the fire nation transplanted here. The gardens were like a peaceful oasis from Caldera City. Ursa loved the flowers, even if she didn’t love the man who’d given them to her. 

Azula tried to pluck a rose from the bush to show to mother, but the thorn pricked her finger. 

Azula suddenly became jealous of Zuko, of the flowers, of everything that took Mother’s. She set the whole bush on fire. The fire spread more than she intended it to, the whole garden went up in flames. The world in front of her burned away, and Azula was left standing in a stretch of woods. 

No more visions please. She wanted her mind back. She wanted her life back. Perhaps her visions were the result of fever or thirst or neglecting to care for herself, in which case water… 

What she found wasn’t a river or stream, but a large pond with turtle ducks gliding across the surface. In her hands was suddenly a loaf of bread. She remembered - that day she’d stolen it from the kitchen. Breaking off a piece, she lobbed it into the water.

The ungrateful duck leaped out of the water and bit Azula’s hand. 

“You’re doing it wrong.”

A lone girl appeared among the cherry plum trees.
She appeared.
The girl seemed fragile to the point of transparency, like a ghost.

Lio’s older sister, Li. 

Her skin was pale like the moon as if it had never known the sun. There was no flush of health, and she seemed to be made of porcelain. Her features were as lifeless as doll’s, and yet she moved quickly.

She snatched away the bread. “You break the bread into little pieces and offer it to them with an open hand. Did your mother never teach you that?”

Azula’s silence was in itself an answer.

“It must be hard, not having a mother,” Li said.

“Your mother’s drooling and bedridden in an asylum right now. She’s probably forgotten all about you, so what right do you have to pity me?”

Li’s expression didn’t change, like it was painted on.  “At least mine has an excuse for abandoning her children. Yours just doesn’t like you.”

There was a loud bang like a firecracker. Azula exploded, her bending blasted Li into the water. . Good, perhaps it’d clean some of the filth off the dirty bastard. 

She didn’t have time to enjoy her victory, because Mother was standing right behind her having seen everything. 

Ursa waded into the garden, getting her fine robes filthy, and helped Li out of the water. Only when Li was alright did she address Azula, “Azula, I raised you better than this. Whose child are you?”

Her father’s.
At least one parent wanted her, even if it was just as a tool.
Better to be a useful tool than damaged goods.
Better to be owned by someone, than disowned by everyone. 

“It’s alright,” Li said weakly, “You’er Zuko’s little sister, so that makes you mine too. When your little sister hits you, you don’t hit back. You smile and forgive her.” 

In her mother’s eyes, Li looked as patient and forgiving as the Budha while Azula was a little demon.

Ursa was not the only one who had seen Azula strike Li, though. When Ursa left to get Li medical attention, all lone in the garden Azula was takcled from behind.  The two of them wrestled, until Azula was on her back and she saw a pair of black eyes without a single spark staring down. 

“Oh, it’s Lio-dog. Don’t you have something better to do, like following around my brother and licking his boots?”

“If you’re so good at running your mouth then why don’t you use it to shut up and apologize to Li already?”

“How can I shut up and apologize at the same time! What an unintelligent thing to say, you dum-dum.” Azula laughed at her own joke. “Who would apologize to an unwanted bastard anyway? Her whole life is a joke, she deserves to be laughed at.” 

“I won’t forgive anyone who hurts my sister.”

“I won’t forgive you either. What makes you think you can lay your paws on a princess, you dog?”

With that, Azula kneed Lio in the stomach to try to knock him off. The two of them tumbled together in the grass. If anyone else saw they might have just assumed they were two children playing.

Lio managed to land on top this time right at the water’s edge. Suddenly, she felt someone watching her. In her reflection on the water’s surface, she saw a girl staring back with a cold hearted expression. Her older self pinning Lio down helplessly as she burned them. 

That girl’s face was hers, the expression was undoubtedly her own. 

Azula hesitated and - 

“You’re not a princess, you’re just a spare.”

“What does that mean?”

“Royals always have two children, the heir and the spare. You’re just a backup. Why do you think your mother won’t look at you, it’s because you’re the one she was forced to have.” 

Those words threw her off balance. Lio easily threw her off and into the turtle duck pond. He sat there watching Azula soaked and humiliated, “Now, who’s an unwanted child?”

Then they left her alone just like mother had. 

Azula didn’t even try to retaliate. She let Lio have the last words. Dragging herself out of the pond, she picked up the bread loaf again. Breaking it into pieces, she tried offering the crumbs with an open hand but the turtle ducks feared her too much to come near. 

A single raindrop fell down rippling the pond. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky but rain kept falling. Azula touched her face, finding it was wet.

Oh.

What a stupidly childish thing to cry over.

Azula screwed her eyes shut to stop the flowing tears, her hands clenching hard to the fine fabric of her robes. She forced herself to breathe evenly, to feel everything - the shaking of her hands, her pounding heart, how the tears dripped off her nose, to focus on what was real. It was uncomfortable as trying to jam herself back into an ill-fitting suit of armor but she had to do it. 

“I’ve escaped. I’m not a captive. I’m free.”

She was not eight years old alone in her room sleeping the night her mother abandoned her without goodbye. She was not sixteen, strapped to a hospital bed, haunted by the voice of her mother.

She was seventeen now, it was time to stop crying.

Slowly, she sat back up. She tried to wipe the moisture from her eyes, but there was too much to clear with just her fingers. Turning around to face the forest, she was suddenly face to face with her mother. 

She wasn’t appearing in a mirror she could smash, but standing right in front of her. Her presence had solidity and weight.

She offered Azula a hand.
Azula was wary - but there was nothing else for her to hold onto. 

The place she was being led to was a clearing with trees on either side of her, lined up perfectly in a row like headstones at a graveyard. They were cherry plum blossom trees, blooming out of season. 

Azula swallowed - her breath.

Stunned silence.

Mother’s hand slipped away again. Azula was left to wander the gardens alone. The royal gardens were painstakingly maintained rock gardens, brick paths, and artificials streams and ponds with feng shui in mind. 

Azula, hiding behind a flowering cherry plum tree, observed the turtleduck pond. From there she watched Ursa and Zuko feeding the turtle ducks. She giggled softly so as to stay hidden when she watched a turtle-duck bite Zuko. 

“Stupid turtleduck. Why’d she do that?”

“Zuko, that’s what moms are like. If you mess with their babies, they’re gonna bite you back!”

It suddenly wasn’t funny anymore. Azula was about to turn away, when she found herself face to face with Li and Lio

Li shot an expectant gaze at her brother.

“I’m not apologizing!”

Lio’s legs were swept out from under them. Though she looked weaker than an insect, she struck as fast as a preying mantis. “Eat dirt and apologize, dear brother.”

“I’m sorry you’re a mean little girl who people have to pretend they like because just because you’re the princess-” Li kicked her brother’s head, “I’m sorry.” 

“Is that good enough?” She put her foot on top of Lion's head, “I can make him bow lower if you want.”

Azula said she didn’t care for Lio’s apologies, or Lio themselves. She noticed when Lio stood up they were hiding something behind her back. A present, another token apology. A kaiken sheathed in an ornate case. Kaiken were a smaller form of Tantos, meant for women to hide in the folds of their robes. 

Lio was a pathetic dog, but at least they seemed to know her better than her Uncle. 

“I only got you this because my sister forced me to apologize.”

“I don’t want this.”

“Fine, I’ll just give it to Zuko instead.”

When Lio tried to make a grab for it, she pushed them away. “It’s my present. I keep what belongs to me by my side. It’s deeply unpleasant when other people touch my things.” 

“You said you didn’t want it!”

“My things are mine. Even things I’ve thrown away or don’t want are still mine.” 

Azula was better than everyone at her age at martial arts, but even back then Lio was infuriatingly taller than her. They used her height to snatch it away and keep just out of her reach, until she kicked them in the shins. Lio fell back, Azula pounced on them. 

Li had been watching their immature scuffle with an amused smile on her face. She was the quietest child Azula ever knew, it always unnerved her.

Azula was happy when she got the Kaizen back, and caught in the glow of her expression, Lio turned a shade of pink, “I really am sorry for what I said.”

“Did you say something? Whenever you talk all I hear is barking. Sorry, I don’t speak dog.”

“I am sorry, because I’m a spare too. Father couldn’t make Li the clan head because she’s not legitimate so I was born to replace her.”

Li said nothing to this, just continued smiling pleasantly. 

“I know Zuko doesn’t spend a lot of time with you, but if you ever want to come play with us-”

Li suddenly collapsed. Lio rushed over to her side. When Lio was helping Li up, they suddenly looked more reliable. Like an older brother.

“Li, let’s go home.” 

“It’s fine. I don’t want to ruin your fun. You should spend time with other girls besides your sister, or people will think we’re weird.”

Lio ignored her. ”I’ll carry you.”

They knelt down in front of Li to offer their back. 

Azula remembered thinking  Zuko had never once carried her that way, at least not as far back as Azula could recall. Maybe he did, before she discovered her bending. When she was still smaller than him. 

Enough remembering. Azula needed to find a way out. She opened the door only to stumble upon another scene from her childhood.

Zuko had been walking down the hall when he found her trying to hide the Kaizen underneath her pillow. “Hey, what’s that? Did your boyfriend give you a present?” 

“Real mature, Zuzu. Remind me which one of us is older again?”

“Wow, that’s embarrassing! Maybe I should push the two of you in a fountain like you did for me and Mai!” 

Azula lifted the pillow and hurled it in his direction. “Ugh, stop being such a Zuzu and get out!”

Too late. Zuko had already snatched away the blade to hold it out of reach. Why was everyone taller than her? Catching a glimpse of the knife’s blade, he shouted, “This is my knife! It’s the only nice present I’ve ever gotten!”

“Not everything belongs to you, you’re not the firelord just yet!” 

Zuko jumped on her and the two of them fought. Neither of them used firebending, so it was a lot of rolling around and grabbing at each other. They fought until they were both bleeding, and their mother who overheard the noise finally appeared to pull them apart.  

“Why are you both fighting? It was yesterday when you promised mommy, wasn’t it? About not fighting!”

“It’s her fault!”
“It’s his fault!”

They each pointed at the other and at the same time. Zuko had managed to wrestle the knife away from her, but when he unsheathed it he noticed it was missing an inscription. “Oh, whoops. Guess it wasn’t mine.”

Azula smacked him upside the head, which caused him to hit her back.

“Don’t start fighting again when I just told you not to! Azula, you should know better than picking a fight with your brother-”   

“Why doesn’t Zuko ever have to know better? Oh, right because you baby him so much he has the intelligence of an infant.”

Ursa ordered her to sit outside and think about what she did. 

All alone in the palace gardens waiting to be lectured, Azula whispered, almost sobbing, “Why is it always my fault?”

Suddenly, mother was standing over her. She grabbed her arm harshly and dragged her in front of everyone to be lectured. “You killed all the turtle ducks, didn’t you?” 

It was shortly before mother disappeared. One morning the mother turtleduck was found with her heat cut off, and the babies had been burned up. There was no evidence, but everyone assumed it was Azula. A few weeks ago when the bodies of dead strays turned up, rumors started to fly about the cruel little princess’s sick hobbies.

None of it was true of course.
She didn’t do it, not that mother would believe her.
She didn’t even try defending herself.
What use was the truth to a girl who always lied.

Azula always lies. Azula always lies. Azula always lies. 

Running back to her room she checked to see how bad the bruise was in the mirror. Azula saw herself much older, a gaunt face, cadaverous cheeks. When she touched her cheek, she instinctively twitched at the pain stinging as if fresh, even though it was only a memory. 

Her body still remembered everything she’d like to forget. 

Mother wouldn’t believe her, but Azula could still take her vengeance on the real culprit. She just needed to find them both. 

Azula lifted the pillow she hid her Kaizen under only to find that it was soaked in blood.
No, that’s not-
She didn’t do it. Why didn’t anybody believe her? Why didn’t she believe herself? 

Azula ran out of the room and back into the courtyard. If she’d done something bad, then she just needed to get rid of the evidence. She removed the stones underneath the cherry-plum tree one by one, and started to scoop up the dirt to bury her knife.

Azula heard a high pitched cry behind her, and suddenly startled thinking she’d been caught. Only to find there was a cat owl watching her from behind. Unlike the turtle ducks, the cat owl wasn’t afraid to approach her. Azula held out a hand and the cat. The cat easily trusted her, and licked the tips of his fingers. Its tongue was rough. She was so absorbed in the sensation she was caught off guard. 

As if stepping out of thin air, a lone girl appeared among the blossoms. “Quick, grab that cat.”

The cat hissed and ran off before Azula could react. Azula turned to what the cat was running in fear from. Dressing in a white kimono as if preparing to take her own life, Li was standing there.

The way she silently, motionlessly waited was reminiscent of a funeral portrait.

To Azula.
Li didn’t look like she belonged.
Too pure to exist in this world, like an innocent Horai with no knowledge of human evil.

“Did you come here to bury a corpse under the cherry plum tree?”

“I didn’t do it.”

“Of course, you didn’t.” Li walked to Azula’s side, with such light footsteps she appeared to be gliding. “It must have been someone who knew you had the Kaizen. That would be me, Lio or Zuko. The culprit wasn’t necessarily a bender. For instance, after cutting the mother’s head off, they could have thrown a net over the babies, doused them in oil, and lit them up with a match.” 

Li’s expression was expressionless. Azula could surmise nothing from her face.

“Before you say anything it wasn’t revenge. I’m above boring cliches like that. I just thought, hmm, yeah, I thought you looked lonely so I decided to play with you a little.”

“You wanted to play with me?”

“It’s lonely, right? Your family, they’ve already made up their mind about you.  They don’t want you. They want you to be some other girl. You’ll always be the perfect monster, and I’ll always be Lio’s perfect big sister, it’s lonely so…” 

 She spoke calmly, still expressionless.
Her voice was free of doubt - and of any cruelty.
She made it sound like this was a normal conversation.

“So, let’s play together. Can you help me catch that cat? I wanted to try skinning it while it was still alive to see how long it would take to die.” 

Li smiled.
Weak as she may be, it was an evil smile.

Azula answered by throwing the knife right at Li’s head. Catching it bare handed before it pierced her eye, Li signed. She could compete with Azula’s mother at sighing. “Rude.” She dropped the knife, “You can tell everyone the truth if you want, but it’s pointless. Even your own mother won’t believe you.”

Azula punched forward but her hand passed straight through Li. Frustrated, she opened her jaw wide and then bit her wrist to wake herself up. She tried hard to clamp down on the feeling of pain, but Azula faced an all-too familiar illusion.

She clenched her teeth to keep from making a deafening clatter.
But there, the sensation of fingers crawling up her neck. Behind her, the specter stared and laughed.

(Why here? Why now!?)

“My girl, you’re so tired. Why won’t you take care of yourself? Why won’t you let anyone take care of you.” 

Her nerves frayed and her mind began to rupture out of terror.
The night air chilled her to the bone, and where her inner fire should have been there was just a vast void.
It stopped right before her. 

Its footsteps came to a halt.
It reached around and cupped her face in bloodstained hands.

“Azula, you need to rest.”

Mother said, making Azula’s face slick with blood where she touched. Her hands were so gentle as she caressed Azula’s face. So warm… To tink all along her mother had warm, gentle hands like this. Azula slowly felt herself being pulled into a hug. She no longer had the strength to resist, “Rest now like mother…” 

Her head hidden away in her mother’s chest, she failed to hear the sound of flesh ripping. Failed to noticed four protrusions growing from that back in the shapes of spider’s legs which bent around Azula, threatening to pierce her from behind.

She didn’t appear to notice, but then she shoved a fist in her mother’s stomach, pushing out a jet-stream of fire that burned her whole upper body. When the fog cleared from her eyes, she saw the skin melt off of her mother revealing the bones underneath. 

Azula stared at her own hand in shock, as if this were the very first fire she’d ever created. Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision. “Oh look.” She wiped her face with her arm and sniffed. “I can bend here.” 

Mother’s face had dripped off like melting wax, revealing a skull, with  grey hair dry as straw sticking out of the scalp. The Mother tilted her head slightly, and a few squirming maggots fell from the empty eye socket onto the forest floor below. A bony hand reached to peel off the remaining flesh clinging to the skull.

In front of her was a cadaver.
No, not a cadaver, a thing.
No longer human.

“So rude to your mother, Azula.”

The Mother of Faces.

It was difficult to read the expression of a skull with no lips and no eyes, but she seemed to be grinning menacingly. 

“If you’re expecting me to kneel and humble myself before you, then you’re going to be disappointed.” 

“Girl, do you think this is a game?” The Mother growled like one of the beasts in her forest. 

Everything is a game. Azula thought, as she stilled herself. I will draw this one out as long as I can. I will survive a turn longer. The thirty-six stratagems were no use here. She’d have to take a page from the book of swindles. 

“I think this is a waste of my time. I can feel precious seconds of my tiny and insignificant moral life ticking away. If you’re going to eat me, then just be done with it. Stopping to gloat about it is just tacky.” 

“Do you know why I give out favors to humans?”

“Nope, but I bet you're about to tell me a long and boring story about why." 

“I was bored with my eternal life.”

Words that could not be produced by a normal larynx, carrying a peculiar weight to them reverberated against Azula’s eardrums. The Mother was speaking the words directly into her mind. If words were given colors, then these would be alien colors that the human eyes weren’t able to perceive.

“It took me thousands of years to realize that. In that time a human invention called “society” spread out all around me. A brilliant, gorgeous land filled with those who continued to desperately play make-believe for their own benefit. How ugly, how weak, how pathertic and how enjoyable humans were. I liked to watch the little plays they performed in their daily lives from my seat in the audience.”

Unease.

A snake coiled in Azula's breast, constricting her heart. It was hard to breathe. It was hard to live. Without breath, there was no fire bending. Without fire, there was no life.

“Sometimes, I become deeply invested in the stories of others. You were particularly compelling, the tragic princess who burns everything she touches, and was burned by everyone in return. I’ve decided to give you another favor - I'll change you like Mask Maker so you can live in my forest with me.” 

“If you’ve already got Mask Maker to play with, then why we? I’m not exactly known for my friendly personality.”

“Mask Maker was fun for awhile, but it got too difficult to swallow my disgust for that little glow worm.”

Breathe.
Gotta breathe.
Gotta live.
All she had was her fire. It was the only thing that hand’t abandoned her. 

Azula raised her fingers and created an arc of fire precise enough to slash the Mother’s top from her bottom. The corpse fell like a puppet without its strings. The top half however, dragged itself along the forest floor. It grew four three more pairs of limbs, and began to move like a spider.

No, a jorogumo, crawling her ways.

“You poor, lost, child. Your mother clearly failed in raising you.” The problem with any game was that eventually the opponent decided to stop playing. “Now, stop acting like a brat, and accept your mother’s love!” 

Azula slammed both feet on the ground and thrust her fist forward. A wave of blue flame crashed into The Mother. She stared at the burnt remains. They were still for a moment, then one of the hands twitched. The mother’s body change shaped again. The skin grew back, the damaged kimono knitted itself back together, and her hair was black and shiny again.

Azula saw a copy of her mother instantly return from death to a state of perfect health. 

“That’s a wonderful expression, Princess.” The actor playing the role of her mother grew more excited, “Show me more!”

Smothered to death by my own mother. It is appropriate I suppose. Her mind faltered, but the body she’d trained for years hadn’t given up, even when her mind had. She turned to run, creating two jet streams behind her. . 

It chased her through the darkness. She desperately tried to run away. She didn’t care if her legs snapped off or her lungs burst. She ran away as fast as she could, she tried to get away but the chase was over before it began.

It wasn’t something as mundane or not knowing her way out of the woods, or the strange terrain. No, the forest was warping and twisting in upon itself. 

The rotting corpse was just a puppet. The avatar told her again and again, the forest was one living being. The Mother of Faces was the entire forest.

There was no escaping her if she didn’t want it. 

The woods loomed in front of her deep and black, like an enormous curtain. As though preparing to rise on some grand stage.

From far ahead, behind the dark curtain Azula's sound came a distant commotion. Deeper in the forest, The Mother seemed to be having fun. The one playing games was the Mother, she’d just let Azula think she was a player.

It was pitch black. The forest was thick enough that the distant light no longer shined from above.

There were noises all around her.
The entire forest was salivating, its stomach growling, waiting for the chance to devour her.

A vine grew from the earth and grabbed Azula’s ankle, twisting it until it broke. She fell down a large hill, landing in the mud at the bottom. She cast her eyes skyward. The stars were hidden behind dark clouds.

Rain would fall soon.

The rain would fall and extinguish her. 

Azula couldn’t find it within herself to care. At any rate, gazing at the sky with a hazy consciousness she stretched out her hand. Not to seek salvation. Just - the sky was so far.

A canopy draped over the cosmos.
A porcelain face unveiling the night.
Falling stars, mysterious and serene.

She knew she should be searching for some gambit,  some strategy, some way to live but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the boundless blue cloak of night.

How strange?
Why did I not notice before?
She wasn’t alone in the dark. All along, the waning moon had been watching the burnout sun.

Then, the Mother of Faces appeared before her child. She hovered over Azula like a ghost, as vines moved like snakes to entwine her. A pair of blood-drenched hands reached to gently hold her face. Soon, those hands would reshape her face like clay into a form that could be loved. 

“Look at you. You’re alone."

Ah…

“No friends. No family.”

I didn't even notice... 

“You’ve nobody left in this world. Except me.”

Just how beautiful the moon is tonight. 

“You can come with me. I’m going to make you my child. Then, I’ll be your mother.” 

“Laaaaaaaazuuuuuuuullllliiiiiiiiiiii!”

There was a beast beneath the moonlight.

Their howl woke up the entire forest. A thrown sword spun through the air, cutting several of the vines wrapped aound Azula and embedding itself in the ground.

Lio stood in the tree branches high above, apparently having climbed up just to watch.

What were they? A cat? 

“Why did you run? Why show your back to the enemy? What are you afraid of?" 

Fear.

She was shaking out of fear. She had tried to run away from the fear, but that was impossible. There wasn’t a single person who could run from their own shadow. 

“Is it because you’re afraid of losing? Or your brother? If you’re afraid of losing then get stronger. If you’re afraid of Zuko, then get stronger and vow revenge. Even if no one believes in you and you’re alone, stick out your chest, and scream your defiance.”

They shouted loud enough to wake every single sleeping creature in the woods, and Azula’s own sleeping heart.

“For that's the kind of wicked and vengeful woman you are in my heart." 

Lio - ?

It was too crazy to contemplate… but had Lio run into the forest… for her? 

In one iteration of reality, it was the avatar who ran into the forest after her. While that fate is invisible to us receding into the depths of possibility, perhaps he and in his kindness would offer her a hand. One might imagine, that Azula might have taken that hand and found herself saved. If so, then this story would have ended up being a lot shorter. 

Lio offered no such kindness. Their hand wasn’t held out in salvation. “Now, fight, or I’ll just sit here and watch you die.”

In this iteration of reality, instead of a warm hand, she’d been given a cold steel blade. 

Azula reacted with nothing more than instinct. She grasped the sword and with one swing, she cut straight through The Mother’s neck, separating her head from the rest of her body.

The mother screamed, and forgetting Azula started to grope blindly for her head. “Owwwww! It’s all, fuzzy, fuzzy. You shitty, worthless, human trash. I’ll devour you, and once you’re in my stomach I’ll give birth to you again.”

“Oh look.” Azula wiped at the mud and blood smeared on her face. “I can hurt you.” 

Lio jumped from the high tree branch and landed on their feet. Of course they did, they were a cat. Azula addressed the individual at her side.

“Hey… are you real?”

“Yeah.”

“Tch.” While the click of her tongue was adorable, the meaning behind it was anything but. “Are you insane?”

In the heat of the moment, she blurted it before she could stop herself. “Or, maybe you have a death wish? Zuko and I could both kill you with the snap of a finger. At the very least, I don’t owe you a damn thing. Saving my life doesn’t change a thing between us.” 

Lioo nodded, clearly unperturbed. “Don’t worry, Lazuli. If this hickey you gave me taught me anything, it’s that you’re more ruthless than that.”

“What’s a hickey?” Azula said, then shook her head,“Nevermind, you can tell me what a hickey is later. Why are you here?”

“If you and Zuko both want me dead, then I’d rather you be the one who kills me.”

“Wait, what?”

Their words were decisive. They looked to the Mother who’d finally screwed her head back on, “And I definitely don’t want to be killed by her, so… why don't you go back to being your usual bossy self and come up with a plan." 

“If we can’t run, then we just have to kill her.”

“That’s not a plan!”

“It’s the broad outline of a plan with plenty of room for us to improvise.”

“Y-y-you humans are so fun. I w-want to play, to play, w-want to play with you.” The spirit kept chattering, its mouth moving up and down like a wooden dummy. The unnerving sight and the danger brought a strange calm with it.

Azula came to a simple conclusion.

The Mother of Faces was an unfathomably powerful spirit. She controlled everything in these woods, which meant the whole forest was angry at her. The mother was thousands of years older and wiser.

Her only advantage: she was Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation.

“Well then.” She said, “Let’s play.” 

Notes:

This is basically the last chapter of what I consider to be "The Search" prologue. Next chapter we'll get into Zuko's Pov finally, and get to the fire nation royal court intrigue that was promised in the Fic's summary. I'm really looking forward to writing Katara and Zuko soon. I hope you guys will enjoy that too. If you liked this fic so far feel free to leave a comment.

Chapter 7: Apology Song

Summary:

Oh, right. This is supposed to be a Zutara fic too.

On Zuko: I think a person feeling as much guilt as Zuko does and with as low self-esteem can Zuko make some pretty poor decisions because they don't know how to cope with their emotions properly.

On Katara: My favorite version of Zutara is when Katara simultaneously likes the good person Zuko could be, and also hates how much he reminds her of the fire nation that took everything from her. I feel like the spiciest Zutara is when they're fundamentally at conflict with one another.

Also, I'm not adapting Smoke and Shadow. I just think the Kemurikage are really cool.

Sometimes you do something and you know that second you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

But you had to make that choice, you saw no other way.

You’re a tiny part of a big machine – and you feel small like you don’t matter.

It was a choice between the fire nation who had burned him, scorned him, and in his short reign tried assassinating him nine times and the friend who always supported him. 

Zuko knew the instant he made that choice he would regret it for the rest of his life, but he made it anyway. He couldn’t go into the forest after Azula and Lio. He couldn’t choose either of them.

At the time Zuko had only been thinking of protecting his own mother. He never imagined Azula was capable of kinslaying. When his mother was safe his thoughts turned to Azula, but by then it was too late. 

Azula’s flames had reduced everything around them to charcoal. The smoke was so thick it felt like his lungs were on fire. Then there came a change in the wind, clearing away just enough to smoke to reveal Lio standing parallel to him.

Zuko didn’t want to face him. Please, don’t look at me - just one hateful look from Lio would scorch Zuko and leave nothing behind but a black mark on the earth. That was when it finally hit him. Zuko was always treated unfairly, and punished for not being born the son his father wanted him to be.  After his mother left there was no one to protect him. Azula never even tried. Hated by everyone he had no choice but to hate them back. 

But, there was one exception.

Lio had been an important existence to Zuko. Ever since they were children, they always stood up for Zuko, always forgave him with a smile, and above all else, just being by their side made Zuko’s heart feel warm.

But, he’d killed off that existence with his own hands. He’d stepped on it, forced it past the gates of despair, brutally murdered it.

Lio’s expression was very strange. His once sharp gaze had vanished; his eyes were now like empty caves devoid of expression. Walking right by Zuko without even noticing him, they walked off into the woods in the same direction Azula had gone.

They had become a walking corpse. Lio was now a loser in the true meaning of the word. They had lost their sister. They had lost their noble rank and title. They had lost their only way of going home now that they’d made an enemy of the firelord.

That person who looked like nothing but bones held together by scar tissue, went out into the woods to try to help Azula without hesitation.
Even if they had become a walking zombie.
Even if they were only a corpse.
Even  then Lio was determined to help Azuka, while Zuko stood there acting helpless.
This fact made Zuko feel utterly humiliated. 

-- 

Afterwards, a spirit appeared before Zuko and offered to return Ursa’s face to her. From there Ursa revealed certain truths to Zuko. Ikem was merely a friend who sheltered Ursa in his house for the past nine years, not his true father. Kiyi was his half sister. Though she wanted to remain in Hira’a village, Zuko insisted that she return to the capital. He stayed in Hira’a for a month making arrangements for her return.

Much more happened in this time, but those details probably don’t concern you. No, my reader, you’re probably wondering what happened next in Azula’s story. However, This isn’t Azula’s story,

This is a story of history.
Now hear this.
Before we continue I must express how grateful I am to have been the recipient of such good company throughout this scant  yet lengthy - or long yet scanty foray into history.
Grateful to whom?
To you.
To your patience so far.
My futile attempt to slice off, draw up, and otherwise pick out a single year of a trivial chapter of fire nation history, and to describe it and in the manner established, is just beginning. Consider the story so far of Azula and Zuko’s search for Ursa a mere prologue to establish the beginning of the conflict that will plague the fire nation over the next year.

A conflict in which I endeavor not to take any sides.
Questions, or perhaps outright criticisms might have arisen to a certain extent regarding the history I have deceived so far.
Criticism and complaints.

The history I’m telling you isn’t just Azula’s history, or Zuko’s history.
But the history pieced together from the journals and personal accounts left behind reported to you by me, filtered through my own storytelling. 

Before we continue this history, let me ask you something.
Just as Sozin reportedly asked his dear friend Roku - “What do you think history is?”

You obviously have your own version of history.
Your story.
Your history.
Something altogether different from the history I have described for this project, to the point where you, in perceiving your own version as exclusive, may even see the one I’ve described as no more than a fabrication - though I’d like to underscore there’s no such thing as an exclusive, irreplaceable history.
Or perhaps once again - history is exclusive, but easily lost.
Sad to say.
The only point we can label as true is now.
Our past is laden with emotion, and our future is viewed with hope.
The only thing we can comprehend that has no faded, that is not colored, is this very instant, meaning the present moment.,
There’s no real history.
Yes.
History is an illusion.
Just like time is an illusion.
The future influences the present, and the present remembers the past. The three have no clear distinction, so why should I tell this story in order? 

Hence, let’s continue on with Zuko, two months and three weeks after we left Azula alone to struggle for survival in the woods.

-- 

Zuko’s soldiers combed the forest surrounding Hira’a for a month before calling off the search for Azula. He’d known it was pointless. He’d lost Azula the moment he decided not to run after her like Lio had. 

He did not know whether to be disappointed or relieved that she was never found, either way he was a terrible brother, on top of being a terrible son, and a terrible firelord.

His sister is on the run. His father in chains. A mother who turned out to be alive all this time. A new little sister he never met. He thought finding his mother might change things but.. 

The firelord did not know peace. Even when he finally returned to Caldera, the city that never slept was being kept awake at night with nightmares of a terrifying crime spree. The whole story was abuzz with a serial killing incident. 

The rumored killer had been nicknamed a ‘demonic killer’ by the public.
Others whispered this wasn’t the work of a human, but of an ancient spirit known as the “Kemurikage.” 

Old wives were already telling tales how the mysterious murders were the work of spirits who disapproved of Zuko’s reign. In his attempts to deal with the panic that assailed the city, Zuko didn’t have time to get into contact with Li.

Even though he resolved to face her the day he came home. Even if he promised himself he’d get on his knees and apologize, even shave his head bald if she wanted him to, he ended up putting off seeing her for another two months. In all that time, the criminal still hadn’t been caught. 

Until one day, three after Azula’s disappearance, someone came to see him. 

“Why… are you here?” 

“Why? I’ve been waiting four years for my friend to get over himself and apologize so we could make up already, and I finally lost my patience.”

“Sounds like a terrible friend.”

She laughed.

Zuko liked her laughter: it rang like a kagura bell. 

No one even announced her presence. Li had appeared in the doorway of his office, like she was just a daydream brought about by Zuko overworking himself. She probably talked her way past to the guard. After talking to her for a short time, no one could ever say no to Li. 

“I thought you’d never want to see me again. I almost killed you four years ago with that kick.   Do you hate me for it?”

“If I say yes, would it not sound like I’ve been tossing and turning at night thinking of you?” Li said. “Nope, I don’t hate you at all.” 

“...It’s very late. I’ll walk you home.”

Zuko walked behind her wheelchair and grabbed the handles. As he began to wheel her away, Li puffed up her cheeks and pouted. “You won’t invite me into your chambers? I did come all the way here. Why not?”

“Because…”  Zuko only seemed to be able to choke on his own words when he spoke, “It’s uh… really messy.”

“That’s fine. Seeing your room all messy won’t make me lose respect for you. I never respected you much to begin with.”

“...Li, there’s not much to see.”

“You’re a bad liar. If there’s “not much” then how can it be “really messy”, huh?”

“Li, please.”

“Invite me to stay for tea already, really do I have to spell everything out for you, you fool? You can’t talk to women at all, it’s no wonder Mai broke up with you.”

“How did you know that Mai broke up with me?”

“You just told me.”

“Damnit, why do I keep falling for that!?” Zuko couldn’t believe how quickly Li had her barbs in him. Struggle as much as he wanted, all that he would accomplish was ripping his skin apart. 

But the awkwardness of the current conversation was nothing compared to how much he had made Li suffer. How much the people around him, seemed to suffer just by his mere existence. (Perhaps that was the reason father…) 

“You should go home.”

How did he go four months without apologizing to her? Probably the same way he left Azula alone in that asylum without a single visit, and when he finally did he greeted her as the firelord and not her brother. 

“I can’t, I’m too tired from walking.” 

Zuko stared at her wheelchair, “How exactly did you walk here?”

“Like this,” Li said, and then without warning she tumbled out of her chair and landed in a handstand. She walked on both hands like Zuko had seen Ty Lee doing a hundred times before. Considering both of Li’s legs were useless though it was far more impressive. After a few shaky steps, Li tumbled over. Zuko rushed to attend to her, but his fussing over her just made her laugh. 

He just wanted to sit there listening to the ringing of kagura bells cleanse his soul, but a memory smashed through the delicate moment like a rock thrown through a spiderweb.

I did this to her.

Zuko rocked backward with the strength of the thought. He knew at that instant there was no recovering from such a brutal fact. “Why… are you laughing like this?”

“Because it’s funny how stupid you are. Now invite me to your bedroom so I can laugh at you some more.”

“You can’t…there are stairs.”

“Then, you’ll have to be a good boy and carry me there.” 

When Zuko was small, he once saw lightning in broad daylight.

A fleeting flash of light, tumbled like whirling silver across the deep blue sky.

His breath was taken away by that short lived moment, even though that radiance was followed by heavy and violent rain. 

Li was like that. Like the clouds. Calm, formless, one moment you were completely at ease with her, the next you were swept away by her winds. Freely expressing her emotions - laughing, losing her temper, and at times even lamenting with watery eyes, only to return to that joyful smile.

Then there was Zuko. Mr. Damaged Goods. He found himself carrying Li on her back all the way up the stairs like she asked, and dismissing the guards so they could speak in private. It 

It was the least he could do. The very least. 

He returned to the room with a tray of tea, but Li wasn’t where he’d left her on his desk chair. She’d crawled all the way up to sit on his bed. Stripping the blanket off his bed she’d wrapped it over her shoulders and head, it was red like a fire nation wedding kimono. 

“Hey! Don’t just go touching other people’s things!”

“The firelord is a greedy tyrant who won’t share his blankets! I’m starting a rebellion! Off with his head!” She laughed. The sun was already setting behind her casting the room in a red glow. Red like fire. Red like blood. Both suited her pale skin. “I’m feeling underdressed. Maybe I should wear fancy shoulder pads like you.”

“S-shoulder pads?” Zuko flushed as he heard Li trying to suppress a giggle. “What’s wrong with my shoulderpads? Is everyone talking about my shoulderpads behind my back? Should I stop wearing them?” 

Li slapped both of his cheeks to snap him out of it. Then, she cradled his face in her hands. Cold. So cold. He was caught in the rain with no umbrella. His clothes soaked through, shivering, and alone. He had no idea why, she was caressing his most sensitive scar so softly.

“Look, there’s a scar.”

“Yeah, I noticed.”

“You’ve changed so much I wouldn’t recognize you without this scar.”

She leaned in until their foreheads were touching. Li’s expression was completely calm, like water. Like a stretch of water so silent and still even the fish avoided it. When you look into it, all you can see is your own reflection.

Zuko thought he saw his own anguish in her mouth drawn tight. Her eyes accused him. They had the same eyes. Li was a waterbender, but she had golden eyes almost the exact same shade of his own. 

She looked too much like him, it was impossible to overcome his revulsion.

Whenever he looked in the mirror he was confronted with the sight of the person he hated. There was no trace of Li in those eyes, he could only see himself. Li's eyes were like that, she smiled but her eyes betrayed no emotions. All they did was reflect back you own image. Zuko hated those eyes. He hated mirrors. Whenever he saw one he wanted to mercilessly smash it to pieces. His heart strained with the desire to break them. >
 

Zuko pushed her away violently, causing her to fall backwards on the bed. “If you came all the way here to tell me you hate me, I already know that.”

“I thought you were the one who hated me.”

Smashing a mirror was pointless though. When you broke a mirror into tiny shards all you saw
“What?”

“You’re just a damn savageblooded oniryo, where do you get off pitying me? You can’t even call your own father ‘father’, how pitiful is that!?” Li spoke the words without any emotions as if she were reciting them like lines in a play

The worst part wasn’t the words themselves, it was that while Zuko had honestly forgotten what he’d said that day while Li was unable to forget.

That day. He’d shouted, and he lifted his leg, and catching Li completely off guard kicked her in the chest. Li had taken the full force of the kick and tumbled down the palace steps. Zuko lowered his head and bellowed down at her.

Li rolled for over fifty steps before she landed on solid ground. She didn’t lie sprawled on there for even a comment, but tried to crawl immediately back to her feet. Only to find that she couldn’t, and fell over once more. Then, very slowly she raised her head to meet Zuko’s eyes with a gaze that was calm and even somewhat apathetic.

“As expected of the daughter of a prostitute. Stay on the ground where you belong.” 

Zuko turned his back and re-entered the palace, not even staying to see what happened next.

Now, just like then Li was underneath him. She lay on her back, strands of black hair fell out of her bun spilling down her white neck and bare shoulders. Her neck extended under her collar like white jade, looking as if someone could taste ecstasy by kneading it. It waited defensessly for someone to make a move. For a beast to savage that exposed neck, rip open the flesh and get a taste of her. The contours of her face were smooth and beautiful, and the bridge of her nose was gorgeous. The corners of her eyes were the most devastating: everything that could make one’s heart itch all lay within them. A faint hint of a smile followed on those corners curved upward.

Zuko took another look.

Li was indeed smiling. “These last four years, I was never angry or sad. I was… yes, I was just a little bit lonely. Were you lonely without me?” 

Zuko wasn’t cruel enough to answer that question. 

“I’m sor-”

“There’s no need to apologize. It’s not about forgiving or not forgiving. Family is just like that.” 

Family? 

It was true, Zuko had always wished for a sister like Li, but…“That’s not right. Family shouldn’t hurt.”

“I don’t think there’s a family anywhere that hasn’t hurt each other. There’s no love without pain, because love is best measured in what we forgive.” 

“Please don’t…”

“Don’t what? Forgive you? Well too bad sucker, forgiveness attack!” Li sat straight up and chopped Zuko on the top of his head. . “I’m not going to hate you to ease your guilt. Hating terrible for my skin.”

Zuko remembered how much he had feared Iroh hated him, and how it had been balm on his burned soul when Iroh embraced him. But now, he couldn’t help but think that forgiving someone else wasn’t as magnificent a thing as it’s made out to be. 

“I’ll cut off my topknot, and make an official apology on my knees in front of the court.”

“What good would that do? It would weaken your position as ruler to get on your knees before a bastard. One of the other four great noble family heads would seize the opportunity to make a move on you.” Li lectured him, like a teacher patiently explaining to a foolish student.

Zuko winced at how easily she called herself an illegitimate. “You shouldn’t call yourself that.”

“Why not? I am a bastard, and sometimes I’m a royal bitch too.” Li laughed. Zuko didn’t. “I didn’t come here to talk about the past anyway.” 

“Then, what did you come to talk about?” 

“I’ve come to tell you the trains aren’t running on time.” 

“So?”

“The trains always run on time in the fire nation. The trains were on time the day after the war ended. You know why this is happening don’t you? You haven’t picked an advisor yet.”

The firelord’s advisor was a sacred position. It went all the way back to the first firelord. In the era where every island had a local lord there was a great conflict between every island. One strong leader rose above all the rest conquering every island to unite them into one territory.

Zuko wasn’t descended from that man. He was descended from the man who betrayed that great leader with the help of their most loyal vassal The usurper became the first firelord, and the vassal the first advisor. Keohso, and Karazakov, the first two great noble houses. That was back when fire nation families had names.

While not always, the first pick for a candidate of the royal advisor usually came from the descendants of the Karazakov family.

Zuko hadn’t picked a single candidate for advisor the other noble families put forth for him. He’d left the seat open for two years, and in the meantime when he was desperate for advice he’d gone to his father of all people instead. 

“It should have been Lio,” Li said.

“Lio made their own choices.” 

Li smiled. Even when she was clearly in pain, she always smiled. “Look at you. You finally got your wish. You’ve become the Firelord, you even have the shoulderpads to prove it. But who will be happy for you?”

Ah…
I can’t stand it.
I really can’t stand it.
I can’t stand the way Li’s words cling so heavily.

“Who would have been the happiest to see you live how you were always meant to? Wouldn’t that be me and Lio? Now he’ll never be able to tell you how proud of you he is. Isn’t that strange?” 

But, above all, what I can’t stand about these words fraught with poison is me who wants to hear them. 

Li asked Zuko to bring her to the table so they could sit down and drink tea. As she spoke she became an entirely different person, more refined and ladylike with an air of nobility. It must be something you were born with because Zuko who was a much higher rank felt so much lower than her.

“If you don’t choose an advisor soon they’ll choose for you and we both know who they’ll pick.”

Zuko caught onto her meaning, “Petya, huh? Why not one of his older brothers?” 

“They all died during the war. My poor Petya got drunk and cried in my lap about it.” 

“...Are you still with that guy? That man is bad for you.”

“It’s none of your business.”

Zuko wondered if Li was the same person with Petya. If she was still unafraid to speak her mind, or if she changed into another woman entirely. Someone small and meek who would not provoke Petya’s anger. Someone who wasn’t his Li. 

“He doesn’t raise his hand at you?” 

“Him? At me?” Li laughed so hard the tea came out of her nose. She’d stained the perfect, refined portrait of ladyhood she’d been a moment ago. “Do you think I would just let him hit me?”

Li’s hair was tied back with a ribbon, and a single hairpin stuck into her bun. She pulled the hairpin free, and stabbed it into the table right between two of Zuko’s fingers, before he could move his hand out of the way. She could have easily stabbed right through the center of his hand. She was that fast. 

Her hair fell free, falling in black waves around her shoulders. A woman untying her hair in front of him like this would cause tongues to wag, Zuko couldn’t help but blush at the sight.

“You’ve always made excuses for him ever since we were kids. I don’t get what you see in that guy.”

“Didn’t it feel good when I forgave you? So why would you deny someone else forgiveness?” Li spoke, “Do you think you’re the only one who got angry and did something they regretted because they were in pain. Petya… it’s just… he hasn’t seen the moon yet. All he sees is the cruelty of the world, he hasn’t yet seen the beauty.” 

Li’s words sounded like she was admonishing a small child. The pure love filling her voice did not give Zuko the impression that the words were calculated or had been uttered as flattery towards a high-ranking noble. 

“Oh, you know who it should be? Azula.”

As his sister’s name came from Li’s lips, it stung. It was a rejection from the only person in the world not to favor his sister over him,“You think Azula should be a firelord?” 

“No. We were talking about who should be your advisor. I thought your father burned your eye, not your ears.” 

“Yes, we know. Your fourteen year old sister came out of the womb plotting to ruin your life.” 

“...She’s seventeen now.” 

“She’s the second child, and a daughter. She never expected to be a firelord until Ozai dangled it in front of her face. If you’d won her over to your side and put her to work the trains would be running on time right now.” 

“I don’t want Azula to be my advisor.”

“Then, you want Petya?”

“I don’t want anyone to be my advisor!”

“Then who’s going to make the trains run on time!?”

“I don’t give a fuck about the trains!”

Just as their argument reached a fevered pitch, the door opened between them. A servant came to the door and with a bowed head announced that the avatar and his girlfriend (Zuko informed the servant the avatar’s girlfriend was named Katara) were here to respond to the Firelord’s summons. 

Li frowned, “We’re not finished talking yet. You could have at least pretended to be happy to see me again, before running off to go have fun with the avatar.”

“I was happy.” Li raised an eyebrow, doubting him. “This is my happy face.” She still didn’t believe him. As he was sitting there talking however, he realized he had been happy to see her again even though he didn’t deserve such happiness. He didn’t want to say goodbye either. “Hey, have you ever wanted to meet the avatar? I can introduce you, and then we can talk alone afterwards.” 

“No, not really.”

“A-are you kidding?”  Zuko guffawed, “He’s the avatar!”

“There’s been countless avatars throughout history. There’s only one of me. He should be the one honored to meet me.” 

Li was right about one thing.

There was no one like her.

After carrying Li down another flight of stairs and retrieving her wheelchair, the two of them ended up facing Aang and Katara in the middle of the fire lord’s private chambers. The room was supposed to be full of Zuko’s inner council, but because of his reluctance to pick advisors it was filled with empty chairs. it was difficult to keep an inner-circle when most of your generals still preferred Ozai. 

“This is Li. We were friends growing up. I hope you don’t mind if she sits in on the meeting, we were catching up just before you arrived.”

“You had friends?” Katara and Aang were both equally shocked.

“What? Did you think I just played with my sister’s friends because I was too lame to have friends of my own?”

Katara and Aang didn’t say anything. Which means they did think that, they were just too nice to say so out loud. 

“I go by Li Saowon now. I took my husband’s name,” Li gently corrected Zuko.

“YOU GOT MARRIED!?” Zuko’s jaw doppred. “WHEN? HOW!? WHY!?”

“Why did I get married? Well, it’s probably because unlike you people of the opposite gender don’t find me repulsive.” Li said, leaving Zuko behind in the dust to wheel her way to Katara and Aang. “Hello, I’m Li. I bullied Zuzu when I was younger.”

“Don’t call me Zuzu, Lili.”

“That nickname doesn’t even make sense, Li is one syllable and Lili is two syllables. What’s the point of a nickname that takes twice as long to say?” Azula was a menace when it came to nicknames. LIli still smiled, but her lips were twitching in annoyance, “Azula also used to call you Zuk Zuk and Ko Ko. Which one do you prefer?” 

Katara laughed, “Hello Li. We’re Katara and Aang, we bully Zuk Zuk now.” 

Now that the introductions were out of the way, they needed to discuss an issue so serious it called for the avatar. 

The fire nation capital was considered one of the safest cities in the world. Unlike the earth kingdom which often failed to enforce law and order in its city-states due to the sheer size, the authority of the firelord was well respected so that most people felt safe walking the streets at night. 

A series of murders happening in a supposedly safe city wounds undermine the fire lord’s authority. They weren’t just any murders though, they were a spectacle, bodies ripped apart like they had been mauled by animals.

“Last night, another body was discovered. People are saying that they’re the victims of dark spirits.”

“You saw them?” Aang asked.

“I saw the bodies. Humans can be evil. I know that. I’m formerly evil myself…”

“Formerly?” Katara said.

“A human wouldn’t leave a body like that”

 Zuko still remembered the alleyway. The locals told him of a lower ranking noble who often wandered home drunk through a shortcut in that backalley but not today. The walls of the alley had a brand new paint job. There was a wet, sticky quality to the ground, and the unusual smell of rotten food commingled with an even stronger scent.

All around him was a sea of blood. Bodily fluids seeped and flowed through the alley, and the sweet,sticky smell pierced his nostrils. In the center of it all was the corpse. Whatever face he donned in death couldn’t be seen anymore. His arms were severed, and the legs became stumps around the knee area pressurized blood pouring out of them. He thought oddly the body was twisted in a way, that it resembled a red carnation.

A world so different, even the darkness of night was being overwhelmed by the bold crimson of blood. The scene shocked him so much that for a moment he wondered if he had somehow crossed into the spirit world by mistake. If he was the axe cutter about to be punished for cutting down the wrong tree.

“For the past three months, people have been reporting dark spirit sightings over the city in the days leading up to the full moon, and on the day of the full moon children go missing.”

“Zuko, where are these reports coming from?”

Before Zuko could answer, they all heard the sound of an applause ringing. A man pulled the curtain back, and walked in the room clapping his hands together for Zuko. He wore a red changshan shirt with gold embroidery, and black buttons. Which paired well with his black harem trousers covered in the same golden embroidery, and black and red leather boots. 

There was a certain type of noble, that liked to flaunt their noble birth and fabulous wealth like a peacock fanning their feathers. The kind of noble son whose every action screamed This lord is rich!  

An attention-hungry peacock had just strutted into the room, all shrieking and feathers. “Our fire lord, everyone. Everyone knows the spirit world begins to act up when the human world is weak.” 

“Why did you show up five minutes late to the meeting? Were you trying to make a cool entrance? Stop trying to look cool, you’re embarrassing yourself, Petya.” Li scolded her husband in front of everyone.

“I’m embarrassing both of us, wifey,” Petya immediately grabbed the handles on Li’s chair to wheel her away from Zuko, until they were standing together far apart. Li just helpless looked on as Petya got possessive. “Besides, it's not my fault. The train wasn’t on time.” 

There was a reason that Zuko allowed Li to sit in on the meeting. She was the husband of the current heir to the Saowon family, who had been given the responsibility of guarding the royal capital years ago to pacify them after several attempts to usurp the throne in Kyoshi’s era. 

They were one of the four great noble families. The Keohso handled ruling, the Karazakov advised the Keohso in all matters, and the Saowon guarded the capital city.

Aang looked back, “Who is this?” 

Zuko reluctantly gestured at Petya. “ A Saowon always serves as head of the city guard. As much as I hate it he has every right to be here, he’s in charge of the investigation.” 

“Well, tell him that’s not how the spirit world works. The balance between the humans and the spirits has nothing to do with strength!” 

“But that’s how the real world works, Aang.” Zuko said, slyly, “Petya’s telling the truth. The Fire Nation struggles. We’ve been locked in a two year land dispute with the earth kingdom over the colonies because you refused to pick sides. There’s a large number of unemployed former soldiers. We gave up most of our mining in the earth kingdom so factories shut down and production has gone way down. It’s the Heaven’s Mandate, the common folk believe that misfortune is a sign that the spirits have turned against the current ruler.”

“The fire nation needs a man on the throne. Your sister was more of a man then you ever were. Declare a curfew and keep your citizens safe, then give the Saowon authority to crack down hard and catch the murderer.” 

Aang tried appealing to Zuko. “Don’t do it, Zuko! A curfew would just make folks even more fearful. You’re not supposed to fight spirits, you need to make peace with them.” 

Petya, possessively pulled Li even closer. Zuko couldn’t help but feel jealous at that, like Petya had stolen her away from him. It was hard enough watching Aang stand next to Katara. Why was everyone in a relationship when he was single?

Li spoke up, “It depends on the spirit, actually.”

Aang turned around, surprised to see someone else presuming to know more than him about spirits. “What do you mean?” 

“My family’s history stretches back as long as Zuko’s does. We were originally omnyouji, we advised the Keohso on spiritual matters. Throughout history as humans got more technically advanced and spread throughout the world, the spirits slowly weakened. Even as far back as Kyoshi’s time the spirits weren’t respected, they were feared, and when they crossed into this world the only option was to placate them or beat them back.” 

“Your family has kept records for that long?”

“Yes, yes. We’ve seen lots of spirits. There are spirits that are forces of nature, guardians of places, ideas given life, they wander through this world as shadows. The second kind are dark spirits, they become unbalanced. The destruction of sacred grounds, or a violation of a heavenly pact  for one can create bad karma. Kuruk spent most of his life fighting spirits like Father Glow Caterpillar.”

Aang tilted his head, hearing a story from a past life he clearly didn’t recall. “That can’t seriously be his name.”

“I can’t speak his actual name. When you name something you give it power. Ie was said to be a great glowing eyeball the size of a wagon wheel, with a sickly luminescent green tinge, and a body formed from ooze. He’d devour people with the teeth floating in his slime. An entire city once disappeared. He was a living calamity.” 

“No, it can’t be true, there’s no such thing as a spirit that can’t be reasoned with. That’s why the avatar exists in the first place.” 

“That’s assuming spirits follow reason. Reason, justice, morality, those are all human concepts. Why would immortal non-human beings think in ways human can understand?  I doubt the spirit attacking people in the city streets has a reason…” Li tended to talk while hiding her mouth behind her sleeve to appear polite, but when she lowered her arm she was smiling. “Maybe it was just hungry.” 

“But… you’re still not supposed to fight spirits. It’s like fighting nature.”

“People fight nature all the time. They cut down trees, plow farm fields, all to survive.” Li clapped her hands, “That’s not even addressing the third kind of corrupted spirits. Humans changed by spirits.”

“Changed?” 

“Sometimes humans get touched by spirits and changed. They turn into lonely creatures that don't belong in either world,” Li tilted her head, “What about you, avatar? You were touched by spirits. Are you lonely?" 

Aang did not have an answer to that. The room fell into an unnatural silence.

Petya interrupted the conversation, “How do you know all this, wifey? I don’t remember marrying a woman smarter than me.”

“I’m the first born, of course I’d know this. I read it in the family records.”

“You’re the first born daughter.”

“Oh, did you not hear? They passed a new law, women are allowed to read now. Soon, we’re going to be able to leave our houses without our husbands permission.” 

“I sure know how to pick them, don’t I?” Petya only laughed at her open mockery of him. “Considering how important my family is I should have been set up with Azula but Li’s the better option. Azula may be pretty, but she doesn't know how to support a man. Can you believe she dared be better than her older brother at firebending and statesmanship?”

Zuko’s hand started to smoke, his fingers curling into a fist, but before he could throw it, he was instantly cowed by one sharp look from Li.

“It’s a good thing you threw your sister in that asylum to put her in her place. Any woman who can’t walk three steps behind a man should get stabbed in the back and die.” 

“Zuko! How can you let him say such terrible things!?” Katara exploded. 

“What? He agrees with me! Why else would he have sent his sister to the asylum that all the other girls too rebellious or pregnant to fit their families traditional image get dumped at? There’s a word for what they do there. It starts with a b, rhymes with rainwashing.”

That…
No…
He didn’t put her in that asylum to punish her, but… if he tried to defend his actions would anybody believe him? Would Zuko believe himself? 

“Don’t take him seriously. Petya doesn’t really hate women, he’s just obsessed with them, just like he’s obsessed with me. I tend to have that effect on people.” Li not so humbly bragged. “Forgive my Petya, he’s just being petty. He would have been the firebending prodigy of this generation, if not for Azula. Petya became the youngest to generate lightning at fourteen, but was surpassed by Azula at thirteen, and so on and so on.” 

“She still can’t do instantaneous lightning generation like I can! I’m the fastest firebender in the world.”

“You’re the fastest firebender in bed, too.”

“You really think you can say whatever you want, don’t you?” 

“Yes, because we both know you’re not going to do anything about it. My Petya pretends to be such a petty villain, but on the day I was kicked down the stairs, he’s the one who carried me all the way home when no one else helped me.” 

Petya made a high pitched hissing noise like a cat whose tail had been stepped on and then threw his hands up in the air. “AHHHH! Girls are crazy!” 

Li pointed at her husband stomping around on the floor like a child. “Is that the person you really want to be your advisor? If Azula were here advising you then things would be running much smoothly, and the trains would be running on time.”

Aang suddenly grew concerned, “Are you serious, Zuko? The trains aren’t running on time?” 

“Why is everyone so worried about the fucking trains!?” Zuko gave a very unfirelord-like outburst in front of the whole room. If it was just a team avatar assembled he would have brushed it off, but now he was giving someone like Petya more reason to doubt him. 

Not that Petya’s opinions mattered whatsoever, but the not-so-great was the son of someone great and he didn’t need to turn another general against him. 

Zuko wiped his brow. He didn’t know what was making him sweat now: Li coming back into his life, Petya spreading false rumors that the spirit attacks in the capitol were due to his weak rule to undermine him, or because the rumors might not be so false. “It doesn’t really matter if the nobility believes in spirits or demons, they’ll use any reason they can to question my rule. They’ll all blame me, and they’ll be right.” 

“Permission to speak freely, Firelord?” Katara suddenly spoke out.

“Everyone else is just saying whatever they want, so go ahead,” He waved half-heartedly.

“What kind of Fire Lord blames himself for everything! You’ve gotta stop acting like a mopey little boy, and letting people walk all over you. Petty men like Petya do whatever they want, because they think you’re going to let them get away with it.”

“She’s right you know,” Petya agreed, “I may just be the horse beneath you, but the moment you show any weakness, I’ll be sure to toss you off my back and crush your skull.”

“That was a pretty gay metaphor, petty, I mean, Petya. Is that the real reason why you don’t like women?” Li interrupted.

“I like women just fine! I just don’t like women who think they’re better than me.”

“....But all women are better than you."

Zuko tried to ignore the quarreling lovebirds. Aang on the other hand was surprised by all the fighting in the room. “Are you really all so vicious? Why would you turn on each other during a crisis?”

“Welcome to the fire nation!” Petya said with a cheeky grin as he took a bow. “The rest of the nobility is just as bad, but they’re not self aware about it as I am. Some of the noble families actually think they’re noble, isn’t that hilarious? This whole island is a dump, what’s so good about being the king of the trash pile?” 

Zuko had his eyes closed in quiet contemplation for a long time. He worked his jaw around nothing, and like a newborn turtle duck taking its first waddling steps to the water, he nodded. “Petya, I banish you.”

“Sure. Banish the captain of the guard during the worst murder spree in the last hundred years.”

“Fine, I just banished you from this room. Go away and enforce your curfew if you want, but tell them we’re looking for a human murderer. Don’t let any more rumors spread.”

Petya put one fist in his open hand, turned and bowed his head, but only because he’d gotten what he wanted. “I am your most humble servant - PFFFT! Sorry, I tried but that doesn’t sound like me at all!” Petya turned to Li, “Hey, you coming, wifey?” 

“Li’s staying with me. I need her advice on dealing with spirits.”

“You think I’ll let you be alone with her?”

“You don’t own her. You don’t decide who she gets to spend time with.”

“You know what the funny part is? You kicked her all the way down the palace steps and forced her to crawl home on her hands and knees, and you somehow still think you’re the good guy here.” Petya burst out laughing. “Do you think being a good king makes you a good person? This entire nation is one big pile of garbage. You’re not the firelord, you’re the lord of the filth.” 

“Petya, you’re embarrassing yourself again. I don’t remember asking or needing you to stand up for me.” Li scolded him.

“Fine,I’ll allow it. If Li doesn’t come back uninjured I’ll be challenging you to an agni-kai.” Petya’s fox-eyes narrowed on Zuko, the fox licked his lips like he was preparing to savor his meal. “Careful, I’m not a mentally ill little girl so you might have a harder time with me then you did your sister.” 

“Are you really married to that guy?” Katara asked, in sympathy for Li. She was the kind of good person who could immediately reach out to a stranger, unlike Zuko who couldn’t do a thing for his sister or his best friend. A person who probably didn’t even deserve a sister or a friend.

“It could be worse. I could be married to Zuko.”

“Hey.”

Katara nodded, “You’ve got a point there.”

“Hey!” 

“Don’t date him Katara, you're better off with avatar bore-aang over there.”

“Hey!” It was Aang’s turn to be offended. “Do you deal with this every day?” .

Zuko shrugged, “Welcome to the Fire Nation, everyone!” Zuko said with a grin that was full of equal parts cheekiness, and deep, regretful sorrow. 

Li continued the meeting, “If you want to do research on spirits you could consult my family records, Avatar. I vaguely recall reading about this ‘kemurikage’ way back among the era of warring states. Then we could split the group and have the rest of us examine the crime scene.” 

“Um, hello.” Zuko raised his hand, “Firelord here. I’m the one who should be giving orders.”

“But, I’m so much better at it than you are.” 

“Yeah, but it’s still rude to rub it in.” Zuko cleared his throat perhaps a bit too loudly to command the attention of everyone in the room, “Katara and I can investigate the crime scene. Petya’s had three months to figure this out and he hasn’t made any progress.” 

“Hang on,” Katara interjected, “Why are you just assuming I’ll go with you?” 

“You don’t want to come with me?”

“Well, yes, I do but… it’s polite to ask. You shouldn't assume I'll always come with you when you ask." 

“...Katara, will you come with me?”

“Always.”

“Are you two really doing this in front of everyone?” Li drily observed, causing Katara and Zuko to both take a step back from one another. “Now, if we’re done with that can we finish our discussion my lord?”

“Right in front of everyone?”

“We might as well. Your pushy friend Katya seems to think my marriage is her business anyway.” Li said, sighing. “Speaking of marriage, Lio wrote to me a month ago. They’ve found a girl they want to marry they want to bring her home and they want to you to come to the wedding. So hurry up and make up with them already and repeal their banishment.” 

“Anything.” Zuko felt like a corpse. Only a cold, dead, unfeeling thing could deny her request. “Ask me for anything else, anything but that.” 

“...Why?”

“Lio tried to assassinate me. There are consequences for actions.” 

“What about the consequences for your actions?” Li was a woman forged from steel. The many times she’d been pounded only seemed to make her stronger. Whereas the many beatings Zuko had received had just left him sensitive and covered in bruises. “What about what you did?”

“If there’s something I can do to make it up to you I will, but Lio’s not entitled to hurt others and he’s not entitled to his revenge.”

“I’m not talking about the day you kicked me down the stairs. Lio already wrote to me everything that happened in Hira’a. They told me about the way you treated Azula. Leaving her to rot in an asylum, beating her, dangling her off a cliff, weren’t you just taking revenge on her for your childhood? Everyone else has to take the high road but you, is that how it is?”

“Azula was sick…”

“You should know what they do to people in those asylums! You know what they did to my mother! You’re the one who held me on the day she died, what happened to that boy!?”  Li had been talking calmly the entire time, but the peaceful clouds turned into a sudden storm. After she shouted, she paused, eyes widening, as if she was surprised by her own show of emotion before returning to her usual peaceful expression. 

“You know what I think? You’re not angry because Lio tried to kill you. You’re holding a grudge because they chose Azula over you. You’re just like I remember you. You haven’t aged a day since you were a child. You’re still my zuzu.” 

Li said, her tone was honeyed but the words were laced with poison. Zuko knew he deserved it. If you’ve already eaten the poison you might as well lick the plate. 

“You were forgiven weren’t you? You remember how wonderful it was to be forgiven? So shouldn’t you show that forgiveness to someone else?” Li did something that shocked everyone in the room. She crawled out of her wheelchair, got on her hands and knees before everyone and bowed her head low in a perfect seiza. “When you were banished and lost, just like you were. It's just... the clouds are in the way, theye haven't seen the moon yet. They don't know they're not alone."  

Li bowed her head again,“Please allow my brother to return home. If they try to harm you I’ll take responsibility by slitting my belly open.” 

Li was the one on her hands and knees dirtying her kimono but at the moment, Zuko felt like the lowliest creature on earth. Li, the perfect porcelain doll, he’d broken her legs and tossed her aside like a toy he’d gotten bored of playing with.

There was nothing he could do - suddenly Zuko was kicked from behind and knocked down to the floor right in front of Li. He turned behind himself to see who had done it, only to see Katara.

“As expected of Ozai’s son.” 

In a twist of fate, Katara had said almost the same words he’d uttered that day. “Are you really going to make a crippled girl bow to you and beg for her brother’s life?”

“You think I don’t want to make up for what I did? You think I don’t want Lio to come home? He tried to kill me, what if they try again? I can’t put the whole nation at risk.”

Zuko didn’t know why he was arguing with her. Katara was right. Katara was a good person. Katara was the moon, and he was just a dog barking at her.

“So what? If you had hurt Sokka like that, then I would have killed you myself. No one would have ever found the body because your corpse would have sank to the bottom of the ocean.”

Zuko gulped. He didn’t know why the heat in his body was rising in response to that terrifying threat, there was something seriously wrong with him. 

“Aren’t you the one who encouraged me to take revenge on the person who killed my mother? You know I was always grateful to you. I thought you were the only person who understood me that day, but now I don’t know.” Katara looked away, as if she couldn’t bear to look at someone so ugly, scarred and deformed. It hurt. Even though he deserved to be hurt he flinched away from the hurt. Katara had been the second person to caress his scar. (The first one was Li, the day she tried to heal him.) “But now I don’t know… did you really want to help me, or did you just want me to like you?” 

Zuko was completely floored. There was nothing he could say in his defense, but just then someone else spoke up. “My name is Li, not crippled girl. I’m sure pitying me makes you feel like a good person, but this is between me and Zuko.”

“I just…”

“Oniryo. Bastard. Stray dog. Vile animal.” Li began to laugh at Katara, speaking in a tone so level it sounded crazed. “I’m the monstrous oniryo with foreign blood. I’m a bastard who was put in my place by Zuko, the stray dog who limped home after they were beaten by their master, a vile animal despised by the entire city of Caldera. When my brother was banished I had to enter into an arranged marriage to salvage my family’s social standing, and now I’m on my hands and knees before the firelord.” 

Zuko began to tremble uncontrollably.

Li glanced at him, her gaze far more sinister than it had been five years ago. As if a woman had already died under that layer of breathtaking skin, and all that survived was an unnamed beast.

“So what? All that doesn’t make me weak, enduring it all made me strong. If I can protect my younger brother then I can endure anything. So what shall it be, my lord?”

Zuko’s throat tightened. He wanted to answer, but he couldn’t find his voice.

Zuko didn’t fear punishment in the afterlife. He was already in hell right now. Already burning. But Li was offering him a chance for salvation, Li was offering a chance at forgiveness so why was he so hesitant to take it.

“Lio can return to the fire nation, but I want them kept at the karazakov estate under house arrest until they prove they’re not a threat to me and my rule.” 

“Thank you, my lord. I’ll remember your kindness, just as I have been remembering all the kindness you showed me in the past with deep gratitude.” Li said with utmost sincerity. “Every day. Every night.” 

Aang had been silently watching the entire time, like a child who didn’t know why his parents were fighting and on the brink of a divorce. “So… it’s nice to meet you Li. I’d love to stick around but I gotta go do avatar things. Way over there. On the other side of the city.”

Aang said, before asking Zuko the location of the Karazakov estate, and literally crawling out the window to take flight with his air glider. Zuko couldn’t blame him for running away, he also wanted to jump out that same window.

Instead, he was faced with two women who both looked at him like they were his disappointed mother.

The three of them went to the cordoned off scene of the crime. The body was left there in the alleyway, the crime scene untouched because the investigation had yet to conclude. Zuko couldn’t help but envying the lucky dead bastard.

The body.
It looked like it was attacked by a beast.
Like it was trampled over by a mythical beast.
Trampled over.
Conquered. Desecrated.
Sacrifice, prey, gluttony.
Blood, mean, bone, blood, meat, meat. Pieces of meat. The smell of blood. A puddle of blood. Where, where was this much blood in the human body? Plenty. Drifting about. The body left behind seemed to be floating in blood. Bones. Spinal fluid? Bones peaking out. Chopped in pieces, soaked in blood, here and there. Chunks of meat. Slices of meat.

Zuko wasn’t the cosmically appointed bridge between humans and spirits, but he found himself disagreeing with Aang. There was no way a human could destroy a body so thoroughly. Even a murderer with the sickest mind was just not capable of this destruction.

Even Katara, who could bend the blood in a person’s veins, was frozen by the sight of blood. 

Lio crawled out of her wheelchair again. On her hands and knees, she was on the same level of the corpse, she looked into the corpse’s eyes. So close, her black hair dangling down tickled the corpse’s expressionless face.

“How unlucky for you. Tell me, does it hurt?”

Li spoke like she was addressing an old friend.

She grabbed the corpse’s rose and tore them open, revealing the naked chest. She had no hesitation to embarrass the corpse in death. Her finger traced an open wound along the side of the neck, “In order to ensure a rapid bleed out the knife should be inserted into the midline of the neck at the depression in front of a breastbone. The should be raised with the point of the knife using light pressure and a lifting movement. When penetration has been made, the knife handle should be lowered, so that the blade is pointing towards the tail of the animal, and pushed upwards to sever all the major blood vessels which arise from the heart..."

Zuko was stunned to hear such gruesome words come out of her mouth. The very portrait of a refined fire nation lady had become splattered in blood. 

“What are you rambling about?”

“It’s the ideal method of draining slaughtered wooly pig of blood.”

“How do you know that?”

“Nevermind how I know that. A woman should be allowed to keep her secrets.”

So she wasn’t going to answer that question. 

She ignored Zuko for the corpse. “It must have taken you a good five minuets to die. Your lungs and heart would stop after losing that much blood, it felt like you were drowning in your own blood. Thank you for showing me such a precious thing as your death. I would like to repay you for that.” 

Lio reached into her kimono and pulled out a kaiken. She stabbed the body’s chest, over and over. It was pointless. The body was already an intimate object. It was like she was stabbing a hunk of meat. She stabbed, over and over and over, until it started bouncing up and down. 

“Quit that, you idiot.” Katara intervened, grabbing the knife to stop her. Li, clearly bewildered, looked at the knife, then at the body below her, then at Katara. “He’s already dead, there’s no reason to keep stabbing his corpse.” 

Li was puzzled. Her expression bizarrely childlike, fit for someone her age, but unlike any she had shown before. Her lips curled into a gloomy smile. “I agree. You are right. That is the normal way to think.” She dropped the knife on the ground like it burned her. “A body this fresh should bleed. This body has been completely drained of blood.”

“Of course it has.” Zuko said, looking at the alleyway, “We’re standing in its blood.”

“There’s more blood than this in the human body.”

“How do you know that?”

“Once again, my lord, secrets are sexy.”

Red butterflies were flying from the wound. Flying, all over. A small amount of blood had splattered lightly on Li’s face, and on her ghostly kimono. Her blood-soaked lips twisted into a shape - was it fear, or of pleasure?

Katara looked like she wanted to say something, but her voice stopped and she fell to the ground just because of the effort to talk. She vomited, stomach retching out all of its contents, all of the bile.

Zuko didn’t think she was weak for not being able to stomach this scene. He thought she was strong, for being kind enough to care so much for the death of a stranger. Kneeling down to her level, his hand drifted towards her back to support her, but he stopped himself. He wasn’t like her. He wasn’t strong enough to support other people.

“Why would a spirit do this? What reason could there possibly be?”

The overwhelming smell of fresh blood in the alleyway was so rich it drowned his brain. And finally, Li noticed him. She turned her head to look at him, and he saw now the twist on her lips earlier was a smile, a kind of warm, motherly smile, that was so at odds with the scene that it made him shiver.

“Maybe it didn’t have a reason. Maybe, it was just thirsty.” Li said. 

Just by chance, Zuko had raised his head at that time and caught a glimpse of a figure standing on a nearby roof. He thought it was just a vengeful spirit, until he heard Petya’s voice behind him.

“Get out of the way ladies. We almost have the fugitive cornered.”

He kicked Zuko down on the ground perhaps harder than necessary and pointed with two fingers. Lightning lept at their command. Petya wasn’t just boasting, Zuko had only seen his father bend lightning instantaneously when he tried to kill him with it.

(What a lovely memory).

The cloaked figure casually raised one hand in the air, and caught the lightning without trouble and casually threw it back at Petya. The lightning didn’t connect, rather it left a black stain on the ground where Petya had been standing before.

Petya had already moved in front of Li and was now clutching her protectively. 

The fastest firebender alive.
(And in bed).
It wasn’t just an empty boast. 

Zuko could only think of one person who could redirect lightning like that. Of course, Azula would figure out the technique Iroh had taught him to beat her on her own. Every time he thought he got ahead of her Azula crossed the gap between them in seconds. 

“AZUULLLLLLAAAAAAAA!”

With a villain standing in front of him, Zuko could feel like a hero again. 

Katara caught Zuko by the arm, pulling him back. “Good idea! Shout after her and let her know you’re coming so she can have a sporting chance.”

Zuko was getting a little tired of constant criticism but she did have a point there. 

“I like this one, zuzu. Don’t break her heart.” Li said catching up.

“I’m not even dating her.”

“I’m serious, if you break her heart, I’ll break your legs.”

Zuko knew what Li was doing, she was using humor to calm him down so he’d think clearly. What were the odds Azula would be walking in the capitol streets? Even if she was screaming her name and running after her would just let her get away - he was just, he had so many regrets. He’d hurt so many people he wanted to do something good to make up for it. 

Zuko ran into the streets, Katara tailing right after him, but the cloaked figure he’d seen turned into two, and then three. They moved impossibly, more like shadows than living things. 

All of Zuko’s attention was focused on the one that resembled Azula’s silhouette. It wasn’t that he believed it was Azula, he needed to believe it was Azula. She wouldn’t ever let go, wouldn’t ever stop trying to take his throne from him, she always had to win against him. She always had to remind him he was beneath her. 

“Zuko, just stop and think. If these are spirits, how are we going to fight them without Aang?” Katara tried to calm him, but once a fire like this was difficult to put out. Azula had been the one to start this fire so many years ago she could have acted like a sister, she could have been like Li, but she didn’t and so what happened next wasn’t his fault.

“Spirits don’t bend. They redirected lightning.”

“Even if they’re benders we’re outnumbered.” 

“It’ll be fine. The two of us are stronger than them.” Katara paused then. He hadn’t meant to say something so sincere at a time like this. He didn’t know why it surprised her though, he thought it was obvious after they faced the southern raiders and Azula together.

Before Katara could formulate a response for him though, a sudden mist appeared. 

He didn’t know where it came from. It was like he’d gotten himself lost, not in this world or the spirit world, but a place between places. Katara had been with him moments ago, but suddenly he couldn’t see right in front of him and he couldn’t see Katara.

If Katara was here with him he could take on Azula, but she wasn’t here. 

There was only her. He could feel his consciousness start to leave his body, as she walked closer to him. Before he fainted, she uttered something at him.

“Do be careful. A terrible premonition echoes a terrible reality.” He guessed he was too optimistic, thinking he could face Azula. He refused to even think about this outcome until he was face to face with it.

A face was watching him from beneath the shadow’s hood.
A woman wearing a Noh Mask.
Her face was completely hidden behind that expressionless mask, but her eyes - they were the same amber of the royal family.

“...Azula?” Zuko failed to disguise the fear in his voice.

“If that’s who you see me as, I suppose that’s who I am. In Noh theatre, the audience can paint any face they like on this blank mask.” 

The Noh Face said. Then, she placed a hand on his chest. Zuko knew he should defend himself, but he was helpless before the spirit. He wasn’t the avatar, and he didn’t deserve to be the firelord. He was just a spoiled child, being shown his place.

Numbness spread from where her hand touched him, slowly dropping his internal temperature. The moisture in the air behind her started to turn to frost. His back sprouted vaporous wings.

“Your body temperature is slowly dropping. It will continue to plummet until your heart and lungs freeze.” 

Zuko wasn’t helpless. Inside of him there was a dragon.The dragon screamed, and clawed, and breathed fire as it resisted its restraints, but it had been felled by the poison of a cold blooded white snake. 

“I’m picturing your heart, Zuzu.” The mask said, “It’s easier when you see things in your mind. Your heart is a big red muscle. Mine is beating fast right now, but yours is getting slower, and slower. A little slower. A little slower.”

Zuko tried to spit fire, to raise the heat of her body, to do anything, but failed.

“A little slower. A little slower, a little slower-” 

The Noh Mask finally removed her hand. Zuko dropped to the ground. He was weak. He was too weak to fight. Too weak to live. Too weak to be a good person. 

As he closed his eyes his last thoughts were of Katara. She wasn’t like him. He hated himself, but he liked her. She was strong. She was kind. She was good in all the ways he wasn’t.

This fact made Zuko utterly humiliated. 

Katara was the last face he thought of before the world went black, and when he opened his eyes again she was the first one he saw.

The fire nation boasted some of the most advanced medical facilities in the world, almost eschewing the needs for traditional water-bending based healing.

Zuko had just enough strength to lift his head to see Katara and Li sitting by his bedside. He wanted to believe it was a dream, but when he saw Katara’s eyes red from crying he knew it was a regrettable reality. 

“He’ll be fine, because I healed him. You know how women in Agna Qel’a aern’t allowed to learn the fighting forms of water bending?” Li said, “Well, I say that it’s them who aren’t allowed to learn healing from me.” 

Apparently, Zuko had the strength left to roll his eyes. “Don’t flatter her,” He said to Katara, with the candor that one could only have when talking about a friend. “Li is arrogant enough without praise from the strongest  waterbender in the southern water tribe.”

“She’s only the strongest because I wasn’t born there.”

Katara was the only one who didn’t join in on the joking around. Li was the first to notice the mood, and she politely excused herself from the room, wheeling herself outside to give them time alone. 

“Uh…”

“Don’t.” Katara said.

“Don’t?”

“You’re gonna start trying to make small talk and get all stammery. Don’t. You might strain yourself.”

“I just… I wanted to know…  “Are we not friends anymore, because of the stuff I did?” 

Zuko finally spoke up,

His voice sounded so weak. Had he always been this weak? 

(Maybe Azula wasn’t strong, maybe he was just weak). 

The question hung in the air between them, rife with insecurity. 

“You should ask Li that, not me. I don’t know who you were back then, so I can’t judge you.”

“I feel like I spend all of my time apologizing for the person who I was, and I don’t even know who I am right now.”

“Zuko just because you did bad things in the past doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life making up for them.” Katara said, “But, to answer your question. I won’t hold your past against you. You’re more than earned my trust, but you and I? We’re not friends. We were never friends.” 

No.

Don’t.

“Considering the way you treat your friends, I’m not sure we’ll ever be friends.”

Katara left him alone in the room then.
All alone with himself.
The person he hated the most.

That was when it finally hit him. He had been hated by everyone in the palace growing up, and he had hated them in return. There was one exception.

“I’m sorry, Lio,” he said in almost a whisper, as he clenched his jaw. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t treat you like the friend you were. I’m sorry, I couldn’t just be happy to see you again after all these years. I'm sorry I couldn't choose you. And without you here right now, I’m just so sad.” 

Zuko’s voice trembled as he lifted his head to gaze at the night sky just outside his window. Even after everyone had abandoned him, there was the moon. He kept still. For the longest time, he remained there facing the night sky.

Chapter 8: Obligatory Hot Springs Episode

Summary:

More from Aang's POV and Azulaang.

Warning due to the anachronistic way the story is being told, and the time skip we are skipping past like three months of Azula and Lio being missing and unaccounted for which we will cover later on in flashbacks. It's from Aang's pov though and he has literally no idea what she was doing in those three months and Azula isn't really inclined to tell him.

Also, this is finally the chapter where the main "premise" of the fic gets introduced. Azula has an arranged marriage with someone who is not Aang, and Aang is for some reason deeply bothered by this.

Notes:

Last time, Aang left Zuko and Li and Katara in the palace to go searching the Karazakov estate an old omnyouji family for their historical records on dealing with different spirits throughout the fire nation's history.

Aang arrived at the Karazakov manner to find the gate shut tight.  Calling this place a mansion was an understatement. The mansion sat on a high hill overlooking the city, giving the Karazakov a view of everything they controlled. 

The grounds alone rivaled the size of the Bei Fong estate. Including the forest behind it, it was nearly triple in size. Surrounding the perimeter was a wall of trees and a long fence preventing outsiders from peering inside.  

The entrance at the main gate turned away those who sought entry, so Aang just jumped over by air-stepping. 

He made his way along a gently sloped path deeper into the grounds. The walkway was surrounded by tall trees, wisteria trees on either side blooming out of season. 

He reached the Karazakov mansion, a building with great white walls standing at attention. A building that rejected traditional fire nation architecture in favor of modernity. A sigh escaped his lips, a combination of wonder and resignation. In the end, it was just a big fancy house. He couldn’t imagine anyone calling a place like this a home.

What was it like for Li and Lio growing up all alone in a house this big? Was it different from Zuko and Azula who grew up in the palace or was it similar?

Head full of thoughts and uncertainty, Aang knocked on the door. Hurried footsteps sounded, and then the door opened and he was met with a heavy silence and one of the strangest people he’d ever seen.

A boy dressed in a black kimono. He had white hair without a single strand of black. He had white skin with no pigment, discolored by burns. “Sorry… my-big-sister-says-I-can’t-let-you-in. We’re-hiding-Lio-here.” 

“Lio is here already?”

“Oh-no, I wasn't-supposed-to-tell. Promise-you-won’t-tell?”

He quickly bowed his head over and over again. Aang could relate to that awkwardness. The white yuki-onna-looking boy invited him in after he explained Li had sent them there to consult their family records.

It was a tradition in this household to cleanse one’s body before being let into the spiritual archives. Aang respected tradition, even if spiritualism in the fire nation was different from the air nomads. 

Step by step, he followed a footpath of smooth pebbles under the luxuriant canopy of flowering wisteria blossoms leading to the bath entrance. Inside the changing room, a low shelf carved from the bluestone had been placed to hold the bather’s clothes. In his eagerness, he failed to notice two other tubs packed with clothing sitting on the shelf.

Aang took off his clothing. He was glad the monks dressed simply. Zuko’s giant shoulder pads must have been a pain to take off in the bath.  He left his clothes in a wooden washtub, and after lifting the thin hemp curtain with one hand strode inside. Stream drifted through the air, it gently unfurled out from the pool, drifting slowly, filling every corner and crevice blurring his vision.  With that and the dim moonlight, it was difficult to see more than a few shukas in front of you. Flowers bloomed along the borders of the pool, their shed petals floated on the surface, and there was a small waterfall at the end of the pond for rinsing. 

Aang let loose for a moment, extending his slender limbs and swimming all the way to the waterfall with a splash, but when he arrived someone was already showering in the surging waterfall. 

Lio. 

Aang stopped and stared - 

As if Lio’s back possessed some kind of spell. 

Their back was held tall and straight, the contours sharp and defined.

But with the stars illuminating the steam Aang could make out countless scars, burn scars, and what looked to be whip marks on the center of their back. A body full of wounds. A body full of scars. So many it was impossible to find a piece of untouched flesh. 

There was no need to mention how much those wounds should hurt. 

Water fell from above to soothe those burns, cascading down their body. The water seemed infatuated, clinging to them in a light stream that was loath to part.

Lio turned their head and the spell broke, “Hey, Aangie have you come to do some naked male bonding?”

Lio was pressing their hands against the waterfall rocks, presenting their back to Aang like a skinned rabbit waiting to be devoured by someone hungry. Aang’s eyes followed their shoulder blades, sliding down the small of their back, he fixed his attention on those fair, plump curves for a moment before his head jerked up again.

“Uh sure, since bathing is a cultural thing.” Aang respected other people’s cultures.

“Oh, I was wondering if you had those airbender tattoos down there on your crotch. I guess that’s a cultural thing too.”

Unfortunately, other people didn’t respect his culture. 

Aang spent so much time ogling Lio he didn’t notice his towel had drifted away. He grabbed onto it and used it to cover up, “That scar on your back…” Aang was desperate to change the subject, “What happened?” 

“Oh, I was a naughty boy and I was whipped before I was banished. It’s nothing… compared to the trouble I caused Li and my family back then it was absolutely nothing.” 

“Your pain isn’t nothing.”

“Haha, what pretty words. Did the airbenders teach you to talk that way, or are you just that cheesy naturally?” Lio’s eyes narrowed as Aang winced, “I’m sorry, Aangie, baby. I’m a bad, rude man.”

Lio’s shoulders rose and fell, as they heaved a sigh. Those shoulder blades were strong and massive, moving beneath the scarred skin. At that moment all Aang could think of was how adult Lio looked, even though they were only two years older. Lio was so graceful, so comfortable in his own skin he made Aang feel like a fucking child. 

Graceful Lio suddenly gracelessly lost their balance and fell a step back from the wall. Lio quickly turned around, to try to hide something behind their back, “I’m sorry Aangie, can we continue this conversation later? I thought we could bond in our nakedness, but human relationships aren’t so simple.”

Aang caught sight of it then, a smaller, curvier figure trying to slip away into the steam just then.

Oh.

Lio was bathing with a woman. 

He caught sight of a feminine figure through the steam turning to leave. He didn’t initially recognize her - because under normal circumstances, that girl would never do something as ungraceful as stumbling and falling face-first into the pool, sending a spray of water into the air. 

“Lazuli, watch your step.” One hand around Azula’s arm, Lio supported her from behind. The difference in their heights was such that their breath puffed against Azula’s ear as they lowered their head to speak, “If you’re not careful you might just fall for me.” 

“Cough, cough.”

Azula inadvertently swallowed a mouthful of water in her panic. Swallowing bathwater she became indignant and disgusted discarding all appearance of calm composure, scrambling and flailing as she tried to find her footing.

Aang regarded Azula as an open flame, dangerous, but also bright and eye-catching. 

He wanted to ask what she was doing here, but it got stuck in his throat. He suddenly felt pathetic and spineless. Silence only continued to fan the flames of the situation.

He couldn’t look away. Even though his brain registered she was naked. When people shed their clothes and exposed themselves they usually exposed their inner ugliness, but Azula was different.

She didn't look shy, or ashamed of her nakedness at all.

"So there are people as beautiful as this." 

That's what he remembered thinking at the time.

It was a horrifying thought. 

What horrified him wasn’t that he’d humiliated Azula completely by accident. No, the true horror had been something that should not have even been possible. Something that would make a clown like Lio laugh. 

The unsettling horror of it all was that Aang had found her beautiful.

Aang was suddenly forced to bear witness to the naked, horrifying, truth.

Azula was a girl.

Not only was she a girl, she was a beautiful girl. 

Until now, he’d believed Azula hard and made of steel like a machine of war with a fire burning inside her. Now he saw her soft flesh. Her traditional armor had been stripped away piece by piece to reveal a girl underneath. 

A beautiful girl.

Azula was a girl not yet fully mature, barely older than him. 

Though it was sacrilegious to compare her to Katara, it was like the first time he woke up to Katara’s face. It was so nice back then just to see a girl his own age. 

Of course, nowadays people might have a hard time describing Azula as “beautiful.” her skin was transparent, like it never touched the skin. He could count her ribs. There were dark rings that eclipsed her sun-colored eyes.

She was like a plucked flower withering away within a bell jar, and yet, there was something about her. Something so… 

“Why are you staring, avatar? Have you not gone further than hand-holding with your water tribe girlfriend?”

Something so…“...Beautiful.” 

He should not have said it. He should not have acknowledged that feeling. These were feelings he wasn’t supposed to have because Azula was… well, Azula.

“Is your mouth broken? Oh no, I believe I broke the avatar. Again.”

He confessed, “I’m staring because you’re beautiful.”

“You’re right, I am beautiful. I guess your eyes aren’t broken.”

She was…
She was definitely still Azula.

Whatever had happened in the three months since he last saw her hadn’t changed her fundamental “Azula-Ness.” 

“Oh,” Azula said looking down, “So airbenders do have tattoos down there.”

Aang screamed and covered his crotch with both hands sinking into the water enough to cover below his waist. 

Aang should have worried about what Azula an escaped felon was doing here, but the blood rushing down southward had other priorities, “Why are you bathing with Lio?”

“Mixed bathing is normal, and besides I’d never stare at a girl. I’m a beautiful girl myself, and I know how it feels to have creeps stare at me” Lio said. 

That’s right, mixed bathing was normal in Fire Nation culture Aang reminded himself for the thousandth time. 

Bathing under the stars.
Girls and boys together.
No tension there whatsoever.
Nope, not at all. 

“There’s nothing untoward about bathing with my betrothed.”

“...Your betrothed.”

“Yes.”

“You’re getting married?”

“Yes.”

“To who?”

“To Lio.”

“You’re getting married to Lio.”

“Can you not hear me? I thought those big ears of yours would at least be good for listening.” 

“Are my ears too big? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Were they just trying to be nice?” He was suddenly, very self-conscious about the size of his ears but that was beside the point. “Why are you getting married to Lio?”

“I fail to see how it’s any business of yours.”

That’s right it wasn’t any business of his. 

So, why did he care? 

Several awkward minutes later as they all threw on some clothes Azula promised to explain. This being Azula, Aang didn’t expect he was going to hear something resembling the truth. 

Which was how he wound up sitting in the Karazakov library being poured tea by Azula of all people. 

“Li invited you. Hospitality dictates I guarantee your safety. We in the fire nation may be monsters, but we hide it under a facade of politeness,” Azula pushed a cup in his hands.

It probably wasn’t poisoned.

Probably.

He suddenly remembered the story Zuko told of Azula working hard to make him a meal only for Zuko to shatter the plate, and then shut up and drink the tea. 

The shelves upon shelves that surrounded him contained enough scrolls to make Wan Shi Tong jealous. If the yellowed scrolls and the rich tapestries hanging on the walls weren’t enough, he saw Lio’s family was rich enough to have several leather bound books. 

“They’re not hand copied. My brother recently invented a new, cheaper method of printing.”

“You have a brother?” 

Lio had apparently forgotten to mention a brother in between gushing endlessly about their sister. “I have two, I just don’t like them as much because boys are smelly.” 

“I hate to interrupt your attempts to make awkward little talk with one another, but isn’t there something else we should be talking about?” 

Aang avoided looking at Azula but she plopped down right next to him. She wore red and gold robes with a dragon embroidery that coiled around her body. Her long black hair was tied behind her head, and Aang suddenly understood why the fire nation was so scandalized by hair. She was far too thin, and when she touched Aang’s shoulder it felt too light.

Lio sat further off to the side their legs spread wide. Their slender, golden fingers wrapped around a slim kiseru. Their black and white striped robe slipped off their shoulders exposing their entire upper body, the muscles that moved slowly beneath the skin with each breath. Their left and right arms both had tattoo sleeves, the left a black dragon, and the right lotus flowers floating on water. Sun-kissed skin the color of honey made them appear wild and unrestrained. They definitely weren’t as dark as Sokka, but next to Azula, they were like the night sky that surrounded the pale moon. 

Aang had been caught staring at the both of them. 

Azula scoffed, “Really, avatar there’s no need to act like a blushing teenager.”

“Do you guys pinkie promise you’re not just plotting revenge on Zuko behind his back?” 

While Azula’s hand still infuriating lingered on his shoulder, Lio put a warm hand on Aang’s back, tracing the curve of his spin up and down. “Silly, Aangie, this isn’t a revenge story. This is a love story.”

“If this were a love story it would end in a double suicide. This is politics, avatar.”

“You’re getting married for political reasons?”

Azula looked confused, “What other reason is there to get married?” 

“Lazuli finds my political assets, and my large tracts of lands to be very attractive.”

“I’m sure if you just talked Zuko would let you-”

“I’m not leaving my fate in his hands ever again.” Azula’s eyes cut through him, like drawn steel. He felt her hostility like a blade’s edge pressed to his throat. Her finger traced the veins in his neck, “Zuzu is the one who alienated our family’s closest allies. He should be grateful and accept the peace terms before a civil war breaks out.” 

“Wait, was there really going to be war?” Just how bad had Zuko let things become? 

“The other three noble families would prefer Ozai on the throne, and Zuzu hasn’t done anything to win them over. His council seats and the position of advisors have been empty for three years.” 

“Uhhh… can I ask a dumb question?”

“Better than anyone I know.”

“Who are the four great noble families?”

Azula’s brow twitched. She reminded him in that moment of every teacher he’d ever made angry The four Great Noble Families were the only families allowed to keep their name after the Camelia Peony War. They were originally the five great noble families but the Sugawara were stripped of rank after Roku’s death.”

“Umm….”

Lio raised his hand, “In Caldera City many clans fought over the throne. This broke out into a second civil war like the warring states era. When he won, Zoryu centralized his power by stripping every clan of its name except for the clans too old to touch. He gave them permanent seats on the Firelord’s council instead.” 

Aang hated the way Azula looked so pleased with Lio. “Teacher’s pet,” he hissed. 

Lio invited themselves into Azula’s personal space. How did they do that so easily? How did they get close to her without being burned? "If I do a good job will you pat me on the head and praise me?" 

Aang caught sight of Lio's burned half. Right. They were burned and that didn't scare them away. " All five families have existed since the first firelord. My ancestors the Karazakov were omnyouji who were said they could use their connection to the spirits to curse the Keohso’s enemies to death.”

“Is that true?”

Azula spoke up, “They never forget a grudge. Father told me once the Karazakov bloodline is loyal, strong, brave, stubborn, and tenacious. They follow the absolute principle, ‘ Honor the royal family, and honor your family above all else.’ This kind of person will never covet your throne, nor would they easily commit anything outrageous. But if a day comes when they believe something you’ve done violates the ‘principle” he believe in, they will oppose you with no fear of death, nor care for reputation. They will become the sharpest needle in your eye and the most painful thorn in your flesh.” 

It was strange to see Azula speak of her father. Had he given her that advice with a hand on her shoulder? Had he actually wanted to protect her?

“Family honor is everything to us. That’s why when Grandfather thought Azulon was assassinated and couldn’t find evidence, he poured gasoline on himself and self-immolated before the entire royal court in protest of Ozai’s coronation.” 

“Uh, that’s a little bit extreme. Couldn't he just have written a strongly worded letter? Aang asked. 

“That’s how we do things in the fire nation. We like our theatre and we like our political drama to be hot and spicy.” 

Azula continued, “Everyone expected Uncle to become Firelord, and Lio’s father his advisor, but Iroh abandoned his troops at Ba Sing Se.” 

“Father was Iroh’s closest friend since childhood, Iroh left him to be captured and tortured.”

Aang wanted to say it was a good thing the general invading Ba Sing Se abandoned his post, but then again, he wouldn’t want anyone, even an enemy soldier to be tortured, or taken away from his family. “I… he… he had just lost his son. I’m sure he didn’t mean to-”

“My father had children too. I lost my father and my mother soon afterward. I’m sure Zuko didn’t mean to break Li’s legs either. No one meant to hurt anyone, but my family was still broken by their carelessness."

At that moment a small amount of grief had crept into Lio’s voice. The boy whose body was covered in wounds, who was held together by scar tissue and stitches looked like they might split apart at the seams.

“I…”

“You know Aangie, you pretend to be so open-minded and monk-like, but in the end isn’t your wisdom just that I should forgive Iroh and Zuko because you like them, but I shouldn’t forgive Lazuli because you don’t like her?” 

At that moment. 

A casual observer would see nothing special with Lio. A handsome, but otherwise normal young woman / man. But that wans’t what Aang saw. Just then, seeing the vague shape of a predator lurking in the dark, he’d broken out into a cold sweat. Their fingertips, their mouth, the way their eyes moved, all reminded Aang of a hungry beast.

Aang hated them. It was nothing conscious, just an instinctual fear. To someone as insecure as Aang, a person able to see his naked fears was hatable. 

To the lion-tiger in front of her baring their fangs, Azula simply said, “Are you done crying yet?”

“Nope, I need a kiss to make it better.”

Azula held up a hand in their face, “You’ll get nothing, and you’ll like it.”

Lio took that hand linking their fingers around her wrist, and then pressed their lips to her knuckles. 

“What do you think you’re doing, kissing me?” Azula complained, but she didn’t pull her hand away. “Aren’t you afraid to get burned?”

“This isn’t a kiss.”

“Oh, then what is it?” She raised an eyebrow, intrigued.

“Respect and fealty, for a princess.” 

“Since when do you respect anybody, I don’t even think you know what the word mean-nnn…”

Lio caught her off guard, kissing her wrist, causing her to make an involuntary noise. Azula immediately bit down on her lip to prevent another one from slipping out. They continued with a kiss after kiss up her arm, like a beast greedily licking raw meat off the bone. Each kiss left a small star shaped mark on her arms, like a cigarette burn. Aang suddenly, desperately, wanted to draw a constellation with his fingers between her burn marks. He was aware of how thin the robes Azula and Lio were wearing and how it didn’t provide much of a barrier between their skin. He was aware of how cold he felt, watching those two.

When Lio kissed her collarbone, Aang suddenly felt violently protective. He couldn’t stand to see those fangs taste her. 

“Nn- that’s enough of that for now.”

“Does that imply there will be more later?”

“Not in front of the avatar…” The words came out like a whine. 

Lio smirked, “Daddy dearest waited for iroh for a full year before breaking out himself and dragging himself back home. The Father Lord had replaced him, appointing the Saowon family head to the advisor chair. Everyone expected him to challenge Ozai to an Agni Kai, but Iroh begged him not to.” 

“Iroh had a friend like that?”

“Father loved Iroh more than he did his own wife. I’m not sure why he couldn’t have just married him and left my mother alone.” 

“Marriage between men was frowned upon at the time, it was a different generation,” Azula said.

“That’s your great grandfather’s fault. He tried to get marriage between men banned just because he couldn’t get laid.” 

“My grandfather was not a wakashu.”

“He was a wakashu, he just wasn’t very good at it. That’s why Roku dumped his ass.”

“Roku showed me his memories,” Aang wasn’t going to pass up a once-in-a-lifetime chance to tease Azula. “I could definitely sense some sexual tension there.”

“Now you two are just writing some historical fan fiction! Let’s try to stay on topic!” Azula snapped.“Unproved claims of an assassination, and sacrificing a pawn on the battlefield was nothing compared to Zuko’s unprovoked cruelty towards the family’s firstborn daughter.” 

“Lio told me about the Angi Kai,” Aang remembered. 

“Lio was well within their rights to challenge Zuzu to an Agni Kai, but they plotted with me beforehand.” Azula’s eyes fell on Lio’s scar and darted away. “I knew Lio would use the Agni kai as an excuse to kill Zuzu, so I stopped them with a burning kiss before they ever reached my Zuzu.” 

Aang expected Azula to make excuses for her behavior, but she didn’t. She finally brought herself to look at Lio’s scar, leaning on them, and reaching to gently brush the pad of her thumb against their scar.

“Does it hurt?”

“Of course, but when I think of it as a present from you it hurts a little less.”

“All I’ve ever given you are scars…,”  She said, and her fingers traveled down their neck, where there was a similar scar, “So why do you look at me this way?” 

“Well, mainly because you're hot as hell.”

Azula pursed her lips, “You don’t get points for stating the obvious.”

“What makes us unique is scar tissue, Lazuli. We all come out perfect children and every mistake shapes us and you…” Lio placed a hand right on top of the hand that caressed their scar, “Are my favorite mistake.”

Azula removed her hands in a hurry like skin-to-skin contact with Lio had been hot enough to burn her. She untangled herself from Aang as well, leaving him out in the cold.

“You are my worst mistake. If I’d just killed you then I could have avoided this, but I left you to die in that alleyway and some good samaritan carried you home to your sister to be healed.”

“Just admit it, princess. You can’t kill me, and I can’t kill you.” 

“I refuse to admit it, I just haven’t tried hard enough yet.”

“We’re connected by the red string of fate.”

“Maybe if the red string was tied around our necks, strangling us both to death.” 

Aang came to a sudden realization, “Wait, you tried to kill him… to save Zuko?”

Azula dismissed him, “I was protecting the royal family, and punishing a dog that thought they could bite the hand that fed them.” 

Lio's smirk widened, as they exposed the whites of their teeth. A carnivorous grin. “The royal family treated us like lap dogs for so long, they forgot we were a den of lion tigers. My father demanded reparations, and a marriage between Azula and myself.” 

“What happened next?”

“I told a lie before the court and got banished. That Lio came onto me and I was defending myself-”

“That’s not how it happened,” Lio said, but Azula quickly shushed him. 

“Hey, let’s focus here people!” Aang hated the way they both talked to each other like they were the only people in the room. He didn’t want to be ignored by Azula any longer. “So, you’re getting married to make a truce between your families?”

“I’ll retract my confession and Lio’s banishment will be annulled. When I marry into Lio’s family he won’t have any legal right to throw me in that asylum.”

 “But you know… marriage isn’t just filling a contract.”

Azula blinked. “But, Marriage is a business contract. In the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom and parents on both sides sit down and go over the marriage contract in front of the entire assembly before signing it.” 

“Azula wrote up our marriage contract herself, it was over one hundred pages long. She and Li negotiated it for over twelve hours. I think paperwork gets her hot,” Lio said.

“What are you talking about? I’m a fire bender. I’m always hot.

“So you’re the reason they can’t go home to their family, and you’re making them marry you to save your ass? Don’t you even feel a little guilty using Lio like this? Or do you not feel guilt at all?”

Aang realized a little late that he might have gone too far. His remarks had hit a bit close to home. Azula put down her tea and turned to face him. “Avatar, let me explain it one more time.”

“Okay…” Aang replied automatically, straightening his back to Azula’s cold, calm tone.

“Don’t be mistaken. I’m not doing this because I feel some kind of personal responsibility. We’re getting married, because we have to. Lio gave their life to me, along with their word, so I own them now.”

Azula did not mince her words.

Lio nodded in defeat, “So, I’m a pet.” 

“Exactly, and not a useful one at that. Or a well-behaved one. You can’t even tie a proper top knot, and you’re showing too much skin. What, did you forget how to be a human being when you were punching bears in the woods for the past four years?” 

“There weren’t any bears in the woods. It was mainly just wolves.”

“Either way you need to be properly trained. From now on, do whatever I say, and don’t speak unless spoken to and maybe we can convince the royal court of your marriage material.”

“If I do will you pet me and call me a good boy?” 

“Keep barking, dog. I’m making a list of every time you disrespect me so I can punish you thoroughly for it later.”

Azula grinned at her pet’s obedience. As long as they knew their place, that was all that mattered to her. She seemed to be extremely satisfied with their response.

“Oh?” Their voice sounded more intrigued than frightened, “How are you going to punish me? Describe it to me.”

Azula shivered, as she felt a predator’s warm breath as he inhaled her scent eager to taste her, “...I’m not telling you.”

“You tease me too much, Lazuli. You should know better than to play with a girl’s feelings like that.”

“You don’t have a care in the world, do you?” Azula’s expression darkened. 

“You two do understand what position you’re in right now, don’t you?” Aang said.

“Yeah, one where I do all the work.”

“No, I mean Zuko isn’t going to believe this marriage for one second.” 

Azula looked offended at the accusation, “Zuzu doesn’t know how much trouble he’s in. The Saowon and Karazakov are joining forces with Li and Petya’s marriage. This will tie the Karazakovs back to the royal line again.”

“We haven’t forgiven Zuko for what happened to Li. My father told me that even a lion tiger won’t eat her own cubs. We’ve never forgiven anyone who’s harmed our children,” Lio began telling a story, “Kyoshi learned that lesson the hard way when she went up against my ancestors.”

“Your family tried to kill me in a past life?  Now that’s just rude.” 

“Firelord Zoryu ordered the current head of the family to execute the first son of the Saowon family. The Karazakov followed the orders of his master, killing the son in front of the mother. When Koyshi came, bowed his head before the avatar and said he was willing to accept whatever punishment. Kyoshi killed his firstborn son instead. And let him live.”

It wasn’t him. Not technically. Yet, suddenly Aang felt the moist sensation of blood on his hands. He unconsciously tried to wipe it on the folds of his robes, but he couldn't rid himself of the stickiness. 

A son for a son.
If justice was just punishing evil with more evil though, then what exactly was justice and what was revenge? 

Lio’s gruesome tale continued, “Forty-five benders from the main family and branch families gathered together to ambush Kyoshi to avenge the child. The battle lasted for an entire day, Kyoshi killed forty-four men before the last one managed to give her a critical bow. The battle had no victor and Kyoshi was forced to retreat to the north pole for six months to heal, it was only resolved when her lover Rangi cut her top knot to ask for peace.” 

Forty-four people.
Every person she killed had their own life.
Whether that life was blessed or miserable, everyone is born into this world they grow up in, some people have families, some are alone, some have young children, some are engaged, and some have pets. Some people have high hopes and great dreams, others have no ambition at all.

Kyoshi ended everything for them.

She killed them.

 “You’re looking queasy, Aangie.” Lio said, “Do you want some tea?”

“Don’t drink it.” Azula warned, “Lio spikes their tea.” 

When Azula reached for the tea pot however, Lio lightly smacked her hand out of the way. “Naughty, girl. You’re not old enough to drink yet.” 

“We. Are. The. Same. Age.” 

“Not until next week!”

“Oh, Azula’s birthday is next week?”

A winter birthday. Strange for a firebender. It made sense for her in a way.

Azula smiled, “Don’t worry you’ll have all the way until next sunday to pick me out the perfect present. We’re announcing the engagement at the party, I’ll appreciate it if you don’t tell Zuko until then.”

Aang, paled, “Are you sure Zuko is going to be okay with his sister getting married.”

“I am not Zuko’s sister . My name is Azula, Crown Princess of the Fire Nation, and first in line for the throne until the event that Zuko has any children, which is never going to happen because women find my brother unattractive and uncouth.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then enlighten me what you mean, avatar? Because it’s starting to sound like you’re implying I need my brother’s permission to get married or to walk around free!”

“Look, I just think you’re going about this the wrong way. Why does everything have to be some manipulation or scheme with you? I could speak to Zuko on your behalf…” 

“That’s some convenient timing for you to wait three months to offer me your help, and not when my brother was dangling me off of a cliff. Not when my brother threw me in an asylum for two years.” Azula slid behind Aang, and then wrapped her arms around his neck from behind. For a moment he thought she was a snake until he felt her breasts press against his back. They were small and undeveloped for a girl her age, yet, her voice was like a temptress and experienced geisha. A woman in a battlefield tent, convincing a soldier to strip off his armor piece by piece and be naked and vulnerable in front of her “Shall I play for the princess and wait for my hero to save me and then grant you my body as a reward?” 

Seeing her naked was one thing, then there was feeling her naked, now, touching her dripping wet body, with only the thin layer of fabric too him, feeling the wet ends of her hair tickle his skin.

“I just don’t think you should get married to a stranger if there’s some other way.”

“I’ve known Lio Dog my whole life. You’re just some stray mutt.” Azula let go and Aang turned around immediately missing her. He wanted to see her smile the way she smiled for Lio, but she was just as beautiful with eyes full of hatred, “Actually, a pitiful loser dog, who goes begging strangers for attention.” 

“Why Lio though? Why not…” 

Why not me?

Was he really about to say that?

No, he didn’t want to marry Azula. Of course not. He wanted to be the one to help her. She didn’t accept his help, but was relying on someone untrustworthy like Lio for help and that bothered him. 

Azula’s eyes narrowed at Aang as if she were attempting to read his mind, “If you want to help then pick up a scroll and start reading. It’s going to take us most of the night to cover the Camelia Peony war.”

“The Camelia Peony War?”

“Humanity’s chosen spiritual and political leader and guide between the humans and spirits my ash,” Azula made her disappointment clear and Aang could only smile awkwardly in the face of her growing impatience, “The Camelia Peony war was started when a figure known as the dark avatar tricked the other noble families into believing the Zoryu had violated heaven’s mandate. They faked spirits turning against the nation. You came here to research dark spirits, didn’t you?”

“How did you know?”

“You just told me,” Azula smirked. How did he fall for such a childish trick?

(Clearly because he was a child). 

“There’s been a string of murders, the victims are drained of blood and covered in bite marks. Rumors are swirling that it’s the Kemurikage, but I’ve never heard of those spirits.” Aang said, and then “Hey, just checking. This isn’t some evil scheme of yours now is it?”

“Are you asking if I’ve been going around luring my own subjects into dark alleys, butchering them, draining their bodies of blood, and then partially cannibalizing the corpses?”

“Now that you say it that way it sounds like kind of a stupid question.”

Azula turned to Lio, “Do I look like a cannibal to you?”

Lio smirked, “I think you would look sexy covered in blood, red really suits you.”

Azula punched them right in the abdominal muscles. Despite being a direct hit it didn’t look like it hurt, “Not even remotely helpful!” Azula sighed, “I wouldn’t even have the time to plan all that, I’ve been spending every waking second planning my engagement party.” 

“Oh really, am I invited?” Aang said.

Azula ignored him, “Focus, Avatar. If we don’t nip this little matter in the bud before Zuko accuses me of being behind all it.”

“What can you expect? With the number of lies you’ve told, anyone would have a hard time trusting you.”

“Everybody lies, I’m just good at it.” Azula smiled. Then pointed out sections for each of them to handle and divide up the work. 

Aang obediently searched through the scrolls, because he had really wanted to help Azula, and this is something she asked for help with. He didn’t turn away Zuko and if he turned away Azula that would be picking and choosing, that wasn’t what the airbenders believed in. Actually, Aang didn’t know what the airbenders would do about the fire prince and princess, but he knew what he believed in.

He wanted to believe in people. She was a person he wanted to believe in. 
A person he found beautiful, different from Katara’s beauty but beautiful all the same.

Hours passed and Aang had only worked through a small number of scrolls. Lio was no longer at their desk leaving their scrolls at a messy pile, while Azula had the highest pile of scrolls and was still scrutinizing each one

At the table she was working at, her reading candles had burned all the way down to the wicker. Just as tiredness crept into her eyes, she unrolled her sleeve, lifted the candle, and let the wax fall on her exposed wrist so she could burn herself.

Before Aang could tell her to stop, he caught sight of Lio in a pile of blankets and pillows. “Lazuli, I’ve finished constructing Fort Karazakov. It’s the most impenetrable fort in fire nation history, it will never fall.” 

“You are a child.”

“The great conqueror of Ba Sing Se is afraid to take on my pillow fort.”

“I’m surrounded by children forcing me to be the adult seventeen-year-old in the room.”

“You’ll never gain the weight back if you don’t sleep for more than four hours.” 

“You should know better than to ask a girl her weight!” She threw a scroll right at their head. 

Lio had gotten them all food at one break in their research session, but Azula’s food was entirely untouched. For several hours, she had only subsisted on cup after cup of tea. 

Lio huddled in close to Aang.

“I bet we could take her if it was you and me.”

“In a fight?”

“No, take her to bed.”

“What?”

“I have to drag her kicking and screaming to bed every night.”

“You guys sleep in the same bed?”

“I sleep in the corner so I can watch the door and window. Lazuli can’t fall asleep in a room that’s not guarded.”

Was her paranoia that bad? She looked so, normal compared to three months ago. As if those three months were an illusion. Then again, Azula had explained so much, but nothing at all of what she’d been doing in three months. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Too bad you’re too much of a spineless wimp to disagree with me.” 

They would not have stood a chance if Azula couldn’t firebend in this room without burning the whole archive down. In that regard, she was still a martial artist who maximized every hit, targeted your weak spots, and kicked and clawed and bit and screamed. 

With the two of them together they managed to wrestle her down into the futon and blankets Lio had spread out on the floor. Afterwards though, Aang looked like he had been mauled by a cat.

He was expecting more of a struggle honestly, but she quickly collapsed from exhaustion. Aang was about to make an excuse to go back to the palace when Lio flopped down right next to Azula and patted the empty side on her right.

“Hospitality dictates we give you a place to stay for the night. We might all be murderers, but at least we’re not RUDE.”

Aang contemplated it for a moment. Lying next to Azula and Lio. It would only be a few hours until the sun rose. Rolling out futons and sleeping in the same room together was also culturally normal in the fire nation. It would be like camping with Katara and Sokka, something he missed dearly. With the added bonus of listening to Azual’s loud snoring at the snot bubble forming in her nose. 

Lio did not look tired just yet, and their long and delicate fingers curled around the kiseru again as they brought it to their mouth. Smoke curled around their head like a cat’s tail. Their composure was completely lost however, when they saw Aang picking up what Azula’s cup was by mistake. “Don’t drink that, it’s poisoned!”

“What?”

Lio sighed, “When we first got here Azula wouldn’t eat anything. Apparently she stopped eating at the asylum because she thought they were drugging her food. I convinced her to eat my showing her my family’s method of microdosing poisons to build immunity.” 

“Wasn’t the asylum supposed to make her uh… less paranoid?” 

Lio’s face darkened at the mere mention of Zuko. “The purposes of those asylums aren’t to heal the patients, but to keep them there forever.”

“Were you ever sent there?”

“My mother.” Lio said, and they made a painful face that reminded Aang of Katara every time she talked of her mother, “ It was not her fault, she lived in a nation of monsters that pushed her past the breaking point. Father sent her to the hospital and left her there, and just before I turned twelve she hung herself from the rafters.” 

“Zuko must not have known what to do with her, Azula was dangerous…”

“Ah, there’s that airbender philosophy again. All life has value and meaning, except of course for the insane, the victim, the child soldiers,  the whores, and of course animals like me.”

“That’s not what I said, you're twisting my words around!” Aang yelled so loud he was afraid he might wake Azula for a moment, but her snores were even louder. “You’re a real mean person! Why do you always say mean things that hurt on purpose it’s like you want me to hate you!”

“Li taught me I could never trust anyone outside of our family.” 

“But, you trust Azula?”

“Azula is going to be family now, so big sister told me it’s okay to trust her. Li always warned me that I can’t have friends outside the family. My sister was only trying to protect me but I refused to listen to her. Because I tried to be friends with Zuko, because I didn't listen, everything bad that happened after was my fault." 

It sounded like Li and Lio loved each other, but that love seemed to leave purple bruises all over Lio. 

“No, but why Azula? Why do you follow her?” 

“Well, you see I like the kind of girl that everyone else hates.” That hardly sounded like a compliment, and yet their eyes glittered like someone looking up at the sky at a pitch black night, captivated by the beauty of one star in particular “They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but do you know what that means?”

Aang said he didn’t. 

“It means if you believe something is beautiful, no one can tell you it’s ugly. No matter how many other people see her as a monster, I think she’s a beautiful monster at least.”

“But, why?”

“I don’t care what you think of me, but watch Azula carefully before judging her. Even if everyone else calls her unkind, I’ll call her kind.”

“She always lies.”

“So what? My sister said that lies were the ultimate form of love. Maybe lying is how she shows kindness.”

“What does that mean?”

Lio held two fingers up, “Azula lied twice in that explanation. The first lie is that it would be impossible for a random stranger to bring me home to get healed. No one would recognize me with my face burned.”

Which meant it was only possible for one person to have brought Lio to the manor doorstep.

“Lie number two, Azula didn’t make up rumors of me assaulting her. I told a lie. I know if I got banished the firelord wouldn’t makeher marry me.”

“But, you were banished. You couldn’t see your family for years.”

Lio just gave him a kind of well-what-can-you-do , smile that was all too cavalier for discussing his trauma.

“What do you think you’re doing giving away all of our secrets to the enemy?” Azula said, slightly stirring.

“Were you pretending to sleep? It’s not nice to eavesdrop.”

“Well, I’m not nice so…” Azula huffed, “How should I punish you for cavorting with the enemy?” 

“Isn’t Aang on our team now?”

“The only person who’s on my side is me.” She said and lobbed a pillow at Lio’s head. She was too sleepy though so it went wildly off target and missed. 

“I’ll speak to Zuko on your behalf.” Aang asked her to let him help one more time. “You don’t have to be alone in this.” 

“Don’t cry over me, Avatar. I’m not alone as long as I have myself.”

Aang wanted to tell her that she was wrong, but he didn’t.
He wanted to say he was here for her, but he wasn’t.

“What am I to you? A monster, or an infant who needs to be coddled and rescued?”

“You’re a girl.” 

Aang heard those words, and wanted to tell her she was wrong.

“If I was a little girl lost in the woods, then someone would have come looking for me that day.” 

He did look.
Not when it counted. Not when she ran away, but the night after, and every night after that for almost a week. Then two weeks, he scanned the forgetful valley.
He wanted to tell her but he didn’t have the right. After all, the one who reached out their hand wasn’t him. 

Notes:

In most of the azulaang arranged marriage au fics Azula gets handed off as a bride to Aang and like, learns to like him and she has no agency in these scenarios. So I was like, what if Azula had agency, she was deciding of her own free will to marry someone else, and that made Aang go crazy with jealousy?

Chapter 9: Distant Thunder

Summary:

My first time writing for Katara's POV, I hope you enjoy it.

The fire nation boasted some of the most advanced medical facilities in the world, almost eschewing the needs for traditional water-bending based healing. To Katara it felt like the world was slowly becoming a less magical place to live in. Katara almost got in a fight with the medical staff as they pulled Zuko away, insisting she could do better.

Now she was pacing back and forth in Zuko’s hospital room. It was so small she could only pace eight steps before turning around. The heels of her boots clicked on the linoleum floor with each nervous step. 

When the time came to heal Zuko, she had to step aside and let Li handle it. All she could do was lament the fact that learning to heal had only ever been a secondary concern for her. When Aang’s heart stopped, when Zuko was pierced through the gut by Azula’s lightning, couldn’t she have done more? 

She remembered just hours ago feeling the warmth draining from Zuko’s body. She didn’t know what was wrong, he had no visible injuries, but she felt no pulse, like someone had frozen all the blood in his veins. 

As she stood there on her knees feeling like the amateur waterbender she had before she ever met Aang, a helpless child with no adult to guide her, she had been shoved out of the way. Li out of her wheelchair, dragging her body forward in spite of her useless legs, got to Zuko’s side and immediately went to mend what had been broken. 

When the fire prince was reduced to nothing more than a mere spark, Li had turned him back into a blazing bonfire. 

Now, the same girl was casually drawing a mustache on Zuko’s face with an ink brush while she waited for him to wake up. She had already drawn ‘IDIOT’ across his forehead, and a monocle over his unscarred eye.

“Don’t blame yourself. Zuko was the one who charged ahead without thinking.” Li did not look up from her work, “Though, it’s not his fault either. All men are fools, and women are just as foolish for loving them.” 

Katara stopped suddenly, like she had just walked into an invisible wall. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I barely like the guy.” 

Her inability to sleep the last twelve hours while Zuko’s survival remained up in the air suggested otherwise, but Li was kind enough not to call her out on her clumsy attempt to hide her feelings.  

This feeling…

Katara didn’t know what she was feeling, wounded pride, or the pain of watching a friend suffer and being able to do nothing, or a feeling she didn’t dare give a name to.

“Don’t worry Zuko won’t die. I’m the one who healed him after all. I’m the strongest waterbender I know,” Li spoke up, like she had read Katara’s mind.

“Maybe the second strongest after me.” Katara tried to respond to Li’s attempts to lighten the mood.

“What? Do you think being strong is just punching people really hard? I punch people with my waterbending and make them come back to life.”    

That overconfidence reminded Katara a little of herself when she had stood up for women in the southern water tribe. A girl who didn’t know her place, that was Li.

Katara suddenly became curious about this woman she didn’t know.
A woman Zuko never mentioned.
A woman who knew a Zuko that Katara had never met. 

The more she thought about that woman and Zuko’s past, the more her mind wandered, and she began imagining things that weren’t exactly appropriate, until finally Katara’s calm cracked and she blurted, “Where did you learn waterbending from? Was it your mother?” 

“Be careful, in the fire nation those who stick their nose in other people’s business are liable to lose them.” 

Katara ignored her warning. She needed to know something, anything about this woman. “Well, in the water tribe everyone knows everything about everyone else. If someone has a problem, usually the whole community comes together to help them.” 

“How nice, unfortunately we’re in the fire nation and we’re all terrible at talking about our feelings here, and giving help that’s not asked for is frowned upon.”

“How could helping someone possibly be a bad thing?” 

“If you blunder in without understanding the situation, you could just make things worse. All because you had to act like a nosey idiot.” Li side-eyed Katara, “I was being passive aggressive by the way. You’re the nosy idiot I was referring to.”

Katara never expected a woman in a wheelchair to be this infuriating. Not that Li needed to be small and meek, but she was just so different from Katara. So much more. More experienced. More Mature. Knowing more about Zuko. “What do you know about me anyway?” 

The yelling finally got Li’s attention. The locks of the hair framing Li’s face looked as if they’d been dipped in ink; in this warm room, her features had a cool, otherworldly air. Yet, Li did not raise her voice in return. “I know what you’ve done. If you’re so helpful, why didn’t you help Azula or my brother?”

“Why would Azula ever need my help?” 

When Li spoke, it was as tranquil as orchids growing along the palace steps. Her eyes were like a pool of crystal clear water you could see down to the bottom off. “Why would a mentally ill girl need help? You’re right, your friends are heroes for beating up a sick girl.” 

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Azula wasn’t sick.” 

“Katya, would you beat me up?”

“What?” 

“If we were to fight, would you beat me up?”

“Well, uh, no because you’re-”

“If it’s wrong to fight me because my legs are impaired, then why is fighting someone whose mind is impaired is a good thing? Strength exists to protect the weak, not to kick down those who are weaker than you.” 

Katara remembered Zuko’s ill-chosen words of putting Azula in her place. “We weren’t beating her up. We were defending ourselves. She’s the one who started it.”

“That excuse only works when you’re twelve.” Katara realized she was being talked down to. Scolded, like an older sister would scold one of their rambunctious siblings. This must have been why Zuko, who had such a cruel sister, melted in this woman’s presence. “She was seeing things that weren’t there. How can someone be in control of their actions when they don't fully understand what’s going on?”

Katara didn’t fully hear what Li was saying. She distantly remembered on the day of the comet, Zuko saying that Azula was off her game, but she had never really thought about it too deeply. 

Azula saw things that weren’t there… what does that mean?

What world was she seeing, and how was it different than the world Katara saw?

She didn’t want to wander around in Azula’s mind though. It was a dark place. “I already knew that Azula was crazy, you didn’t need to tell me that.” 

“My brother has heard voices all of his life too. Does he deserve to be locked up?”

“Well, he did try to kill Zuko-”

“And Zuko broke my legs completely unprovoked yet he’s not sitting in a cage. Do you understand, there’s no good or bad guy in this situation but you’re painting Azula as one so you can justify to yourself why you don’t sympathize with her.” Li’s skin was so pale she seemed to radiate light in the darkness, like the moon which all waterbenders loved. Like the moon, Katara could feel her thoughts pulled into whatever direction Li was willing them. “When I visited her in the mental asylum Azula thought I was her mother half the time. Yet Zuko dragged her out into the middle of the forest and surrounded her with a bunch of strangers. What did he expect was going to happen?”

“You visited Azula in the asylum?” 

Katara didn’t know what had happened after Azula after that fateful day. Zuko never told her. She didn’t ask. She didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to pity her. That day she had watched Azula cry and scream her heart wasn’t moved to sympathy. Rather, it disgusted her. The thought of even going near her to comfort her made Katara want to vomit. 

After all, what right did the girl that killed Aang have to cry so pathetically?

“Yes, we had lots of fun together. Those asylums are so boring when you’re not being drugged up to your eyeballs or beaten by the nurses.” 

Katara suddenly felt uncomfortable in Li’s presence. It was no wonder Li was such a wonderful healer. She was ice-cold and unyielding, like bitter medicine Katara was forced to swallow. The world suddenly became a colder, and crueler place that Katara had thought it was just minutes ago.

“...Why did you visit her? You don’t owe her anything. Didn’t she burn your brother?”

“Just because someone is flawed, do they deserve to be denied human dignity? You’re so insistent on seeing me as a cripple, but when I tell you that Azula was sick, that she needed help, you start arguing with me.”

“Azula’s made other people suffer too. She killed my boyfriend. Doesn’t she deserve some punishment?”

“You know the day I was thrown down the stairs, nobody helped me because they thought I ‘deserved it’.”

“That’s different, you didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“For some people, it’s a crime just to be born. Right and wrong aren’t objective, they’re determined by the majority of what people think. If everyone decides it’s a crime to be a bastard, then I deserve whatever punishment I get.” 

“That’s not… you’re not… don’t say something like it’s a crime that you were born, that’s too sad.” Katara’s voice trembled. She knew that Azula needed to be taken down. That prison was the only safe place to keep her. She knew that day, Azula could have hurt Zuko or Aang.

So, why did she suddenly feel like the worst? 

Li’s eyes were red-ringed from staying up all night by Zuko’s bedside. With no jealousy, or resentment, she’d nursed the cruel prince who broke her legs back to health. She was speaking up for Azula right now because, Katara realized, that was her nature. To think of everyone else, before her self. Everyone else was more important than the bastard worth less than dirt. 

How could someone like her exist?

How could someone as fragile as a flower, not burn up in the heart of the fire nation?

“You still didn’t answer my question. Why did you visit Azula?” 

“Because when my mother was locked away in that place, I wasn’t allowed to visit her.” Faint cracks appeared in the young woman’s expression. For a brief moment, she seemed shocked as if an old wound had reopened and she was bleeding everywhere. Only for a brief moment, though. Her sage smile immediately returned, “Azula has no one. What’s wrong with wanting to take her side?”

“Taking her side means you won’t take Zuko’s side though. You might become Zuko’s enemy if Azula is really after the throne.” Katara hated how cold her voice sounded. 

“Why does it have to be a choice? What’s wrong with wanting to save both? My dream was to have Zuko on the throne, my little brother advising him, Mai at his side, Ty Lee doing whatever she does, and Azula handling court matters for her brother.”

Katara noticed, Li did not even include herself in that dream. Her eyes fell on Zuko, as she was no longer able to look into the eyes of the girl in front of her. “I’m sorry for what I said…”

“Why are you apologizing to me? There’s no way your words could possibly hurt me, because I don’t really care about what you think.” 

“I’m the one who said helping people isn’t a bad thing, but then I got angry at you for trying to help Azula. What you were saying made me uncomfortable, so I wanted to shut you up.”

“I’m used to it. Most people consider it a crime when a bastard speaks their mind. When I say a joke, the room freezes. When I smile, they make a face that says ‘You don’t deserve to laugh.’ They attitude they have towards me, the outsider, is faaaar tooo obvioooooous.” 

“You’re not a bastard. You’re not even a bad person.” Katara shook her head. She had made an idiot of herself and spoken without understanding anything.

She didn’t even understand why she behaved the way she did.
Except, she was jealous of this woman she didn’t know.
A woman Zuko never mentioned.
A woman who knew a young, unscarred Prince that Katara had never met.
There must be some way to understand the girl right in front of her. A girl from Zuko’s past. A girl he never talked about. A girl she didn’t know. 

“What happened to your mother?”

“If you don’t stop sticking your nose in my business I will cut it off your face.” 

“I just feel bad, because I judged you without knowing anything about you, so…I want to get to know you a little better.” 

“In this city, there’s a saying, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breath to show his special friends and family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one which is never shown to anyone except himself alone. In the fire nation we are our secrets,” Li looked at Katara, ink brush still in hand, like she wanted to paint IDIOT on her forehead to match Zuko, “So, why would I tell you, a complete stranger, things I wouldn’t even tell my husband?”

“To be fair you don’t seem to like your husband that much.”

“I’ve known you for five minutes, and I can already tell I’m not going to be too fond of you either.” 

“Well, in the Water Tribe we tell each other everything, and you’re half Water-Tribe, aren’t you?” 

“My mother was Water Tribe, but I don’t think they’d welcome a pale skinned, golden eyed, incredibly wealthy fire nation noble.” 

She was right. Looking at Li no one would believe she had water tribe heritage. Her skin was so pale Katara could see the veins underneath. Her white skin. Her red blood. Cherry blossoms covered in snow.

In the water tribe even your neighbors were considered brothers and sisters, but with those golden eyes Katara would have an easier time believing she was Zuko’s older sister, rather than having any water tribe ancestry. 

It must have been hard to look in the mirror every day and see nothing of your mother’s culture.

“Your mother was taken by the Southern Raiders, wasn’t she?”

“If you want to get a person in the fire nation to talk about their feelings, you’re better off tying them to a chair and torturing them instead of annoying them with pointless questions.” 

“I’m just saying, if your mother hadn’t been taken then maybe you would have been born in the water tribe. The two of us would have grown up together, and there’d be two waterbenders in the southern water tribe. I’d still be the strongest one, though.” 

“If my mother had not been taken, I never would have existed, and we’d never be having this conversation. Which actually sounds pretty good right now.” 

“Well, if you don’t want to talk then I’ll just talk about myself. When my mother was very young, she was killed by a fire nation soldier. I had to practically raise my brother after that, and it was hard because sometimes he forgot that I was a kid too. He never realized how hard it was, to do chores, and clean up after him. I bet your brothers are annoying too, right?” 

“Stop trying to relate to me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I told you, I’m just talking about myself.” 

Li suddenly looked like she was staring at Katara from millions of miles away. “I see…” She said neutrally. “If you want to know the story, you should just ask around. My mother was a whore, a geisha who defiled herself by sleeping with one of the generals she entertained. My father never should have married her, because she was already pregnant out of wedlock with me. She was a madwoman who brought shame to our family, bla, bla, bla…. I really don’t know why people talk about my family so much, it’s like they have nothing better to do.” 

Katara leaned in to more closely observe Li’s expression.

Just then, Li leaned away. Push and pull, like the moon and the tides. 

“Are you angry?” Katara simply said the first thing that came to mind, but as she looked over and found Li to be completely still, her girlish expression and even her breathing seemed to be frozen in time. She imagined something completely ridiculous for a moment: she felt as if the woman sitting next to her was so angry she might skewer Katara with an icicle through the chest. 

Li put a finger on her chin, and tilted her head slightly, “I don’t know. What does being angry feel like?” 

“What do you mean what does it feel like?”

“I guess that was a strange thing to say.”  After pondering a moment, she answered. Her cheerful, girlish expression was now gone. “None of what I just said was true. My mother was a kind person. Our father was always away, but we were never lonely because of her. She raised us all by herself. She was taken from her home, and had to marry a man living in an enemy nation just to survive but she never let it show. She told me that when you feel like crying, that’s when you need to smile the most. Even if it’s a lie, eventually it will become real. She tried her best to make us feel like a real family, until she couldn’t anymore…"

Li faced away from Katara, looking at the moon just outside the window in Zuko’s hospital room. Katara couldn’t blame her, the moon was quite lovely tonight. Water benders were always feeling its pull, the same way Katara felt herself slowly pulled towards Li.

“It’s my duty as the eldest daughter to take her place. I must try to keep the household running the way mother would have…even if that means marrying Petya to save our finances, or begging in front of the firelord to save my brother… but... no matter how hard I try or how many lies I tell I can't be her.” Katara couldn’t say anything, she was on the brink of tears. Li noticed them, and  stopped speaking, “Why are you sad?”

“Huh?”

Li stared at her intensely, as if the clear sadness on Katara’s face was some message in a foreign language she was trying to decode, “Why are you sad? Is it because of something I did?”

“No, I’m not…you didn’t do anything wrong…  aren’t you sad?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess smiling when you’re happy, and crying when you're sad, those things are normal.” Li said, like she was reminding herself of something every human being knew. 

Under the moonlit sky, adorned with the plum blossoms growing just outside the palace windows, Kaara came to understand something.

When she reached to touch Li and comfort her, what she’d grabbed onto was water. Once it flowed through her fingers, it was gone. 

Li spoke again, “You’re a kind person, like my mother. If you want to help me, then please help both Zuko and Azula. They didn’t have a mother to take care of them, like I did. When I see that Zuko has a nice girl like you as his friend, it soothes my heart a little bit.”

Her voice was as it ever was. No tension, no enthusiasm. Not even the slightest hint of emotion. It was simply calm like the light of the spring sun, and endlessly kind. 

Katara felt like crying again,  hearing those words, but no she wouldn’t pity this girl. Pity would have meant denying Li’s feelings as she tried to carry the burdens of her entire family. 

Zuko began to murmur, the first sound he had made in hours. Li wheeled herself over to his bedside to check on him. 

“Li…” 

Unconsciously Katara had called out to her, to that tiny porcelain girl, to that small back that carried so much on it. 

Li stopped, the air around her the slightest bit disturbed.

For the most fleeting of moments, she could sense a little girl on the verge of tears before her. This quickly faded, replaced by her usual calm aura.

“What is it?” 

Katara didn’t know what to say. 

“It’s okay to cry.”

“Let’s be friends.”

“You didn’t deserve to be hurt the way Zuko hurt you.” 

Everything she thought of to say, sounded like meaningless words. 

“Oh, it’s nothing.” She managed to say.

“You’re a funny one, Katya.” Li smiled, the slightest bit perplexed. “Here I thought you were a boring stick in the mud with an entire icicle shoved up her ass.”

Whatever Katara was going to say was lost in the moment, as Zuko woke up. 

Whatever she was feeling was swept away by a rushing tide of water. After a short conversation with Zuko, she stormed out into the hallway, wondering why she had even bothered being up all night with worry over him. 

The only thing that doused her emotions a little bit was hearing Zuko scream, “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DRAW ON MY FACE!!”

Waves crashed through the still waters of Katara’s heart. She looked at the hand she had caressed Zuko’s face with in his sleep as if it had caught fire. What she was feeling right now could burn the whole palace down, she just wanted to get outside for air.

But, of course they were in the royal palace. The heart of the capital city. She nearly crashed into a dozen nobles, before the Kyoshi warriors found her. They were Zuko’s private guard,  Zuko had ordered them to help Katara with her private investigation. 

They met outside the palace in a small cafe in a remote corner of town. Katara was told to wait there, she was expecting Suki, that wasn’t who she got. 

Katara heard a high pitched squeal. “Li, you’re back! What were you doing? I can tell you what I was doing? I joined the Kyoshi warriors! They dress like they’re from 200 years ago just like you!”

Li was there too. Ty Lee nearly tackled Li out of her chair in her enthusiasm to hug her, which Li enthusiastically returned. She ended up lifting Li out of the chair and spinning her around. “Hey, Hey, Ty Ty, you’ve gotten better at hugs.”

“I’ve been practicing a whole lot!”

“What color is my aura right now? I bet it’s pastelle blue with little crocodolphins.”

“Oh, it’s extra pastelley today!”

Katara and Li recapped the situation. 

“Oh gosh, a murderer killing nobles, it could be anyone..” Ty Lee leaned in closer than Katara was comfortable with to whisper. “I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS, BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T LIKE THE FIRE NATION RIGHT NOW.” 

Katara flinched. She was not a good whisperer, “Aang thinks they’re spirits. This weird fog appeared out of nowhere, and they looked like they were flying.” 

“Maybe, they were just good at doing backflips like me.” 

Li had brought along a sketchpad and an inkwell, and began to sketch what they had seen. Katara expected a lady as proper and prim as Li to be a talented artist, but Li rendered the scene as a crude cartoony drawing. The spirits looked like a bunch of ghost with mean faces, Katara was drawn as a polar bear with hair ribbons,  Zuko a Dragon, and Li a snake. 

“Hey, hey, why do your drawings suck so bad?" Ty Lee blurted out,and Li immediately threw the drawing pad right at her head which Ty Lee easily dodged. 

“There’s Zuko’s theory to consider too,” Katara said,“Please,” Li scoffed, “Every time Zuko stubs his toe on a rock, he thinks Azula strategically placed that rock there earlier just for him to stub his toe on.” 

“I can’t believe Zuko was stupid enough to let that lunatic out of prison,” Ty Lee said without thinking. 

Li forcefully closed her hand crushing the tea cup she held. A single crack appeared in the porcelain cup. A single flaw in perfection. No one, but Katara noticed. “Hey, hey, Ty Ty, Can you please not call her a lunatic?”

“I think if you get thrown in the loony bin that officially makes you a lunatic. They give you a certificate and everything! Azula can put it next to all those trophies she won in school.” 

There was a flash in Li's eyes, and that had been the only warning before the storm. “My mother was sent to that place. Is she a lunatic too?” 

“W-what? No, I’m not talking about your mom, I’m just talking about Azula.” 

“So, there are good lunatics and bad lunatics?” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would upset you.”

"You didn't mean to upset me? Did you do it by accident? Oh, you’re so clumsy.” Li gave her trademark polite, affable, grin but it sounded like she was grinding her teeth, “You should be more careful, you might fall and break one of your legs. Then it’ll be hard for you to do backflips anymore.” 

Ty Lee was rendered speechless. Perhaps something in Li’s expression had reminded her of Azula She was paralyzed and twitching helplessly like she had been struck by lightning. All she could do was keep apologizing. 

Then as quickly as the storm came, it had left. Li’s demeanor changed, she suddenly had the bearing of an almsgiver in front of a wandering mendicant. "Oh my dear," She said softly. “I’m not angry with you, I’m only informing you so you don’t make the same mistake in the future.”

Then, Li used an extended hand to pat the kneeling Ty Lee on the head, like she would a child, or a pet.

“Don’t listen, she’s just playing you with the poor pitiful bastard act. t's easy to manipulate others when everyone looks down on you, but it takes talent to manipulate them when you're on your knees." 

A voice more arid than a desert spoke.

Mai.

Katara saw a flash. Her only warning was the light from the window outside reflecting against a glint of silver in Mai's hand. Then Mai threw the knife, straight at Li's head.

Katara couldn't move in time.

That didn't matter because Li caught the knife midair. Her fingers closed around the blade, cutting open her palm before dropping it on the bar. Staring at her sliced open palm, she showd no reaction. 

It was as if she was a doll.

A doll with no nerves.

A doll with no heart.

Didn't anyone ever warn you it's dangerous to play with knives, Mai Mai. If you ever got hurt, I would just die."

Ty Lee shouted, “Mai, are you doing?”

“Throwing knives.  It’s basically my only personality trait.” 

“Do you want your knife back? Li said, waving the knife covered in her own blood around. “It takes talent to manipulate them when you’re on your knees. That’s a really cool line.”

“Don’t flatter yourself - it’s not hard to manipulate Ty Lee as long as you have candy or something shiny.”

“Hey!” Ty Lee said, offended, “Why am I still friends with you? This is barely better than being friends with Azula.” 

“I’m curious about that too. I thought the only reason you two hung out was Azula.” 

“You’re not involved in this conversation, wildcat.” Mai harshly cut her off. “I came here to ask Ty Lee something - but first, why are you wearing that stupid outfit?” 

“I told you I joined the Kyoshi Warriors, since I’m totally not evil anymore. I thought I’d join the good guys, to prove how not-evil I was.”

“Oh right, I forgot you joined a cult.” 

“It’s not a cult!” 

“No, you just all dress the same, and act the same and wear the same makeup. Totally different from a cult.” Mai sighed, “Well, can Water Tribe and the Wildcat, step out of the room.” 

“I have a name you know,” Katara said. 

“Yes, it’s uhhh… kitty… kitty kat…” Ty Lee tried to guess.

“Katara.” 

“I don’t know why I should leave you alone when there’s a murderer on the loose, and you’re throwing knives at girls in wheelchairs.” Katara said, grabbing Li’s hand in order to inspect her palm. “Why am I the only person in the room who thinks that’s weird! Is everyone in this room really drunk but me?”

“This is just normal Caldera City politics.” Mai said, “You should try going to a party here. If there is not a murder, or one of the Ty sisters causes a scene.”

“Sorry, Mai, but I have to do this for the Koyshi Warrior. I’m not the murderer by the way Kitty, because I’m nice now.” 

“You’re working on a series of murders that has the entire capital city talking and people calling Zuko’s competency into question, and you’ve got… a foreigner and the daughter of a prostitute helping you out.” Mai pulled out a seat and asked for the cafe attendant to pour her a drink. Before taking her first sip, she unscrewed the top of a flash and poured the contents out inside of her tea. After taking one sip, she sighed and said, “I see you’ve assembled the brain trust.”

“I have a question: did the war ever end for you?” Katara asked, “Because you’re acting like the exact same bitch who tried to kill me two years ago.” 

“Oh, should I dress in a stupid outfit, put on clown makeup and do backflips to get everyone to like me? Would that be sufficient proof to you that I have changed?”

“Hey.” Ty Lee said, “You’re just jealous because you can’t do backflips.”

Mai ignored Ty Lee, “Caldera City is a battlefield, you’d know that if you were from here. You’d know that there was a reason they used to throw bastards into the ocean.”

Li laughed politely into the sleeve of her kimono, “You’re so funny, Mai Mai, no wonder you got along with Azula.” 

“Why you’re allowed to walk freely around the court is one of the mysteries of our age.” Mai said, and then corrected herself, “Oh, sorry that was insensitive. Why you’re allowed to wheel yourself freely around the court is one of the mysteries of our age.”

“Why Mai, Mai, I expected sweeter barbs from a tongue as subtle as yours. Do the recent murders unnerve you so? Or is it I?”

“You unnerve me as would a cockroach crossing the floor, making me think new accommodations might be required.” 

“Much better.” 

It hurt to see Li mocked for being an outsider. It hurt more to see Li laughing at herself to drown out other people’s laughter. What had she done to be mocked so? What was so wrong about not fitting into this terrible, terrible nation? 

Katara stood up to start something, but Li grabbed her and yanked her back down. “Try to understand Mai’s point of view. She gave up a favorable position on the princess’s side for love of a prince. After she broke up with her prince her father was thrown in prison for conspiracy against the throne. Now her mother’s locked herself away and she has to raise her brother who will inherit everything when she’s eighteen. Anyone would be a little cranky.” 

Li barely moved as she spoke, consumed by her doll-like languor. Nothing could ruin her porcelain perfection, or disrupt her calm, even when Mai lost hers, crossed the room and drew a knife to threaten Li’s neck.

Li swallowed, throat bobbing, the motion drawing a drop of blood that rolled down the elegant curve of her neck.

“Keep out of it sit and spin,” Mai snapped, “How did you get your hands on that information?” 

Apparently, Li had stumbled on information she wasn’t supposed to know. “I’m just a cockroach crawling across the floor. People say whatever they want in front of me, always have, always will.” 

“Cockroaches are disgusting vermin, but they’re not dangerous. You’re more like a snake slithering in the grass of the palace gardens.”  

I’ve been where you've been. You traded everything for love, only to realize here in Caldera love is the most worthless thing of all. Li reached out and tenderly wrapped her fingers around Mai’s hand, like a mother soothing a child, “We don’t have to fight, we could be friends. That’s what you need right now, a friend.” 

Mai dropped the knife to the floor in confusion, but then pushed away with both hands out of disgust. Li fell on her bottom while Mai looked at her like some disgusting thing stuck to the bottom of her shoe. “See, this is her trick Water Tribe. She pretends she’s better than us when everyone in the fire nation is out for herself. Don’t you find this suspicious, I bet she hasn’t hesitated to cozy up to Zuko.” 

“You’re the one who’s interrupting an official government investigation. Why are you even here?”

Mai considered for a moment, a calculating gaze that wasn’t too different from that of her former friend. “I’m just here to help out on the investigation, and do my duty as a fire nation citizen. What information does the brain trust have so far?” 

She asked, so they informed her. 

“Are you sure Azula hasn’t found a bunch of other sycophants to replace us, and told them to dress themselves in cloak and masks and pretend to be spirits so people will doubt Zuko’s rule?” Ty Lee offered her theory. 

“Then what?” Li asked Mai. “What is her next step after that? Azula’s plans are more well thought out than that.”

“Well, she was in that institution for two years. Maybe the lobotomy made her a little bit dumber-” Li glared at Ty lee, causing her to squeak and instantly shut up. 

“Let’s start with this, does anyone here think that it’s actually a spirit committing these murders?” Li took control of the discussion. Not a single person raised their hands. “Then, it must be a clever bender pulling a trick to make us think this is the work of spirits.” 

“A waterbender could bend mist from the humid air here,” Katara said, “Especially if you’re a master like me.” 

“Why would there be a master waterbender in the middle of the fire nation?” Mai asked. 

“Stranger things have happened,” Li sipped her tea.

“That still doesn’t explain the flying.”

“Azula flew by bending fire from her feet,” Ty Lee volunteered. “It was murder on her shoes.” 

“There was a technique I found in a waterbending scroll my mother used to own.” Li said, “Father gifted her countless scrolls pillaged from the war to try to cheer her. It was called mist stepping; benders created ice pillars to give them a surface to jump from midair.” 

“That doesn’t explain the damage to Zuko’s heart just by touching him.” 

“Well, electricity can stop a person’s heart. If only we knew someone who was able to shoot lightning from her fingertips, usually while laughing like a luna-like a not nice person,” Ty Lee weighed in. “It’s Azula. I was talking about Azula.”

Mai sighed, “Leave the sarcasm to the rest of us.”

“I took his shirt off for medical reasons. I would have seen the burn marks on his chest from a point blank lightning attack.” 

“You took his shirt off?” Mai asked.

“For MEDICAL REASONS!” Katara emphasized. 

Li’s smile remained, but her eyes became clouded, “The technique I used to keep Zuko alive brought down his body temperature little by little, to prevent shock. Perhaps using the same technique recklessly might-”

“How could a healing technique be used to kill someone?”

“In small amounts poison can be a cure, and in large enough amounts medicine becomes a poison.” 

Mai clapped her hands together, “So, what you’re saying is that from what we can deduce the culprit is most likely a waterbender, and we are sitting in the same room with two waterbenders.” 

“If I wanted to kill Zuko, I’d do it in front of the palace like I did with Azula,” Katara said.

“You’re not helping our case here, dear,” Li said, “If we were trying to kill him, then why did we have our hands all over your ex-boyfriend’s chiseled body all night long trying to save his life?”

“FOR MEDICAL REASONS!” 

“Well, the brain trust isn’t getting anywhere. I should go home and make sure my brother’s still alive, I guess.” 

“Wait, Mai, didn’t you want to talk about something?” 

“ I’d hate to drag you away from your cult.” Mai said. 

Li called after her , “Hey, do you want your knife back?” 

Mai was already out the door, so she didn’t answer. “Huh, that’s funny, Mai’s house is that way.” Ty Lee commented, before she caught both Li and Katara looking at her.

“We should follow Mai,” Katara blurted out. 

“Why?” Ty Lee asked.

“Because, she’s not going home.” Katara explained, “Don’t you think it’s too much she showed up here, she probably wanted to learn what we knew about the murders.” 

For the first time, Katara was beginning to understand why the Fire Nation nobility loved their games so much. There was a certain thrill as she started to unravel this all. 

“What would Mai even be doing this late at night?” 

“Meeting someone, maybe.” Katara speculated, “Zuko threw her father in jail for conspiring against him after they broke up, right?”

“Mai doesn’t really like her father, kitty-kat. I think she threw a party when he was thrown in jail. Or at least, her version of a party, which is just sitting in her room very quietly and staying up an hour late past her bedtime.” 

“Yes, but she likes being rich and living in the lifestyle she’s accustomed to.”

“Mai’s not a waterbender though-”

“It could have been poison, If she injected it with a needle it wouldn’t leave a mark on Zuko,” Li suggested,then quickly backtracked, “but it’s wrong to suspect her just because she’s having a hard time in life. She needs help, not to be villainzed.” 

There she went again, showing concern for everyone but herself. Katara was already making her way to the door, her mind made up. “Ty Lee, you come with me. We’ll follow her on the rooftops. If she catches us let’s say we’re trying to prove her innocence.” 

“I can’t really jump around from rooftop to rooftop,” Li said, leaning her elbows on the handles of her chair, “I can distract Petya tonight, so you two don’t get caught in the streets after Curfew. If I give him any attention at all, he will think this means I miss him. He will be insufferably pleased with himself.”

Li was the next to exit out the door, and left Katara with a wink. “I hope you appreciate my sacrifice.” 

So they made a plan. 

Katara’s confidence didn’t always match her abilities though. She tried to mist step like Li described, but she ended up slipping and falling into a trash covered alleyway.

Ty Lee was perfectly competent at navigating the rooftops of Caldera City. Far better than Katara who kept almost missing the edges. Better than Suki, even. Yet, she kept forgetting that this was supposed to be a stealth mission. “Hey…”

“Sssh.”

“Heeeeeeeeeeeeey.”

“Sssssssssssssh!” 

“Hey, do you not like me?” 

“This is the first conversation we’ve ever had that’s lasted for more than five minutes, I barely know you.”

“So, what’s with this awkward silence? Or was it a comfortable silence and I just made it awkward by pointing it out?”

“Because, this is a stealth mission!” 

Katara did not know how Azula, if she managed to make two spoiled children like Mai and Ty Lee actually cooperate. 

Ty Lee was much better at tailing Mai than katara though. 

At the same time, she couldn’t leave Ty Lee behind either. She had only been tailing Mai for a few minutes, and she was already lost. The city carved in the hollow of a volcano was so massive, with so many different districts, and so many different people. 

Stretching out before her eyes were people. People, people, people. And more people. Basically, people. Her vision was overflowing with people, as far as she could see. It was just past nine in the evening, Petya’s curfew just started and many people were shuffling home.She was so overwhelmed by the vast ocean of people, that Katara temporarily lost sight of her purpose for being there. 

Katara felt like she might drown in this crowd, and there was nothing more embarrassing for a waterbender than not knowing how to swim. 

It was Ty Lee who navigated from building to building, turning around streetcorners in time with Mai. It was Ty Lee who kept an eye on Mai in the crowd. Katara needed Ty Lee here, but that didn’t mean she had to like it. 

Ty Lee finished tightrope walking on a clothesline hung between two buildings and then crouched down by Katara’s side. “Can you stop staring at me? It’s bad for your skin, I can already feel myself getting wrinkles.”

“...”

“At least tell me why you don’t like me!” 

“Katara saw Mai stop to order food from a street vendor. That gave them a few minutes. It was better to have it out with Ty Lee now, then let Ty Lee’s chattiness and myriad insecurities threaten their investigation further. “I barely know you, nor do I want to get to know you. The only thing I know about you is you didn’t stand up for Li back there.” 

“Well, that’s-...” Ty Lee wiped at her face nervously, smudging the makeup a little bit. “I’m not saying I agree with this but there’s a reason bastards are feared. There are horror stories of bastards killing their way up the line of succession.”

“You believe them?”

“Well, I don’t, but I'm from a minor  family. Nobody would even remember my family’s names if we weren’t all a bunch of drama queens. I don’t think Mai believes it either, she’s just repeating what she’s been told all her life.”

“She should know better-” 

“How should she know? Where can she learn better? The only one who’s spent a lot of time outside of Caldera city was me.” 

Katara looked down at Mai from several stories above. All of those important nobles were indistinguishable from the commoners at this height. Mai just looked like a little girl lost alone in a crowd.

“I don’t think she hates Li for being a bastard, that’s just her excuse. They’ve got similar vibrations.”

“Is this about auras?”

“No, it’s totally different. Auras are seen, vibrations are felt.”

“Sounds like the exact same bullshit to me.”

“No, they’re not! You’re so mean, Catra! I don’t get why Zuko likes you so much!” Ty Lee whined, “If you can make water move by doing a bunch of kung fu kicks and punches then why is it so hard to believe auras are real.” 

Katara hated to admit this, but, “I guess you have a point there.” 

“Vibrations are different from auras anyway. Everyone in the world vibrates at a different frequency, like different notes from a plucked koto string.” You would think that people with similar vibrations would get along but that’s not always the case.” Ty Lee explained, and to her credit Katara half-listened and tried to take her seriously. “Li’s nice and all, but when I’m with her I get this tingle in the base of my spine that I only feel when I’m around Mai and Azula.” 

“I don’t know why you’re friends with them.”

“I don’t know why they were friends with me, either.” 

Ty Lee was so open about her insecurities, she had to fight the urge to sympathize with her. Same with Zuko, really. “Is it a good spine tingle, or a bad spine tingle?” 

“Mm, it’s like this, Li may seem like a pushover but at her core she’s like Mai. They’re both cold while giving off the appearance otherwise.”

“Cold?”

“Yeah. Mai hates everyone, and Li likes everyone, but isn’t that the same thing? Giving special treatment to everyone, means that no one is really special to you.” Ty Lee had been nervously fidgeting with her braid, tugging on it as she spoke, and her hair was almost pulled out of its tight bindings. It was so different from the neat and prim hair of most fire nation citizens. “Mai’s right about one thing, no one here tells the truth. I ran away to the circus where everyone painted themselves where everyone wore costumes and masks, and wasn’t any different.” 

Katara’s eyes fell back on the crowd. What a pointless waste of time. It didn’t matter how much Ty Lee explained the intricacies of cire nation culture, she wouldn’t sympathize with a girl like that as cold as a lizard. 

Her eyes searched the crowd, and she saw no sign of Mai.

Apparently, the conversation had a point after all. 

Katara grabbed Ty Lee from the front of her armor, dragging her up onto her feet. “You were distracting me so your friend could get away!” 

“No, I just don’t know when to shut up. Really!” Katara knew that Ty Lee was capable of subterfuge no matter how childish she acted. What she said next gave her pause, “I just thought if we talked we could better understand each other.” 

Li scolded her earlier for not trying to understand others too. It was that which gave Katara pause and made her drop Ty Lee back to the ground. She stood on the very edge of the rooftop, trying to search for any sign of Mai in the crowd. 

However, she soon stopped searching for Mai when she came upon something else.

There was another possible suspect behind these murders. Someone she didn’t want to consider, because it should not have been possible on a night before the full moon. Yet, she saw a woman  in rich clothing, walking the opposite direction of the crowd. He moved like a puppet on strings, her eyes rolled back in her head not even acknowledging the people around him. She bumped into countless people who were in too much of a hurry to get home to notice. 

“Ty Lee, split up with me. You go find Mai, I’ve got something to investigate.”

“Wait, but-”

“I’m trusting you to do this.” 

Mai was right about one thing. Ty Lee was easy. She wanted to be liked so much she clung to any positive affirmation. They split up right there, Katara didn’t particularly care what happened to Ty Lee; she was too focused on her own objective. 

Katara followed the man to a distant alleyway. It was easy, she didn’t even notice the world passing around her. When she caught up, a few meters ahead a white shadow of a person was standing. Their kimono was so white it seemed to shine in the moonlight, but something speckled and spilled and spread on the kimono’s surface. 

Something in front of them sprayed red liquid in all directions. 

Venturing forward a few steps, it became very clear that a woman in a white Noh mask was standing there.
As for the object which she mistook to be a hose?

It was the corpse of the woman she had been following, so mangled and bloodied it had become no longer human. The body was fresh, of course it was, otherwise it wouldn't’ be bleeding so much. There were several pieces of flesh missing, it had been ripped, gauged, torn, and then Katara  realized with slow horror… fed upon. The corpse in front of her was meat, blood, blood, and meat. 

The fatal wound started at the neck and tore all the way through the throat in a single, clean, cut like a pretty bow on a macabre present. Katara felt her circulation switch into overdrive.

What was that on the ground?
That was clearly a human being.
The red all around her arrested her senses.
Her head.
Her head hurts.
Her thoughts glowed white hot.
Her chest twisted in pain.
Her head hurt. An old wound in her chest was burning.
Her eyes felt like they were about to fall out of their socks.

But, she’d experienced this all before.
Something just like this definitely happened, long ago.

It was… Ah, that’s right.
The bloodstained corpse of a woman.
The bloodstained, crying face of a child.
The bloodstains - on her own two hands as she tried to shake her mother awake.

Fear of a predator made her wary of the figure in the alleyway. Her instincts took over. That was close. She let her mind drift for a moment there, but she won’t make the same mistake twice. 

Gracefully, elegantly, the figure in the white mask touched the blood running on the ground. The sleeves of her kimono turned a deep red. She streaked the liquid across the lips of her expressionless mask, like she was applying lipstick. Her body shook in utter ecstasy as if in a trance.

Katara watched uncomprehendingly, as the Noh Mask picked up a cloak from the ground and put it on over her kimono. Then, finally, the masked woman noticed her, turning her head to acknowledge her. 

What was in front of her?
Who was in front of her?
Eyes that swirled like a storm peering out from the holes in her mask.
A creature that cannot be understood.  An overwhelming waterfall of force, something that absolutely cannot be reasoned with. Cannot be sympathized with. Cannot be loved.

“What are you?”

“What do you think I am? Human? Spirit? Or something else?” 

“I think you’re a murderer. You’re killing innocent people.”

“I’m killing nobles. No matter how many street rat corpses piled up, no one even investigated until the first noble died.” 

“So, the rumors of people disappearing, you’re making them walk to their deaths. How are you bloodbending without a full moon?” 

Katara suddenly saw red.

The red blood pooling underneath the body - exploded, splattering itself wildly all over her.
Everything was red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red. 

Katara recalled Li’s assessment that the bodies had been entirely drained of blood. So that answered how they were bloodbending. The blood was easier to bend when it was outside of the body.

The blood wasn’t like getting hit by a wave of water. Her skin was cut up in several places from the blast, countless lacerations appeared on her body. 

“Have you ever looked at blood under a lens? If you zoom in just enough, you can see, there are these tiny, tiny, cells that give blood its red color, and in those cells is iron.” 

The Noh Mask opened his hand and stripped the blood off of her body, all five liters, she condensed it to a red bubble she held in the palm of her hand. 

Katara still did not quite know what hit her, but she knew she could never get hit like this again. 

The Noh Mask stepped forward with one foot and raised both hands in the air, the typical fluid movements of a waterbender, but there was no water around – suddenly she heard the sound of iron creaking and groaning. The greatest innovation of the fire nation. Indoor plumbing. The sewer pipes underneath them were dragged up to the surface, and then exploded gushing water everywhere. 

Katara decided to make use of the water he gave her. Her opponent was multitasking between bending water, and the blood they had drained from the corpse, so she too had to be wary of however the Noh Mask was planning to use that blood. 

Katara  raised the water behind her back into a small wave that gained size until it was large enough to swallow The Noh Face whole. The Noh Face jumped to the left to doge.  and then landed on a wall, freezing their hands and feet in order to stick to it. 

Then with one hand, Noh Mask reversed the river in Katara’s direction. The water surged towards Katara faster than she could counter, forcing her to turn around and try to flee outside the alleyway. 

When she made it out into the streets, she noticed that they were oddly empty and covered in a thick fog. For a moment, she could almost believe she had been snatched away and taken to the spirit world.

Katara turned on her heel and then erected a wall of ice in order to block the oncoming wave. The wave crashed on either side of her, but Katara herself was spared. As the water settled though, she saw a figure moving into her blindspot. 

She heard two hands clapping together.

A stream of red blood shot at her like an arrow let loose from a bow. Katara was one of the only two bloodbenders in the world and yet she had never seen a move like this. Primal instinct told her she could absolutely not let herself get hit by that attack.

She may not have been fighting a spirit, but in that instant she was staring right into death.

Katara jumped and twisted her body, it was the instinct of a rabbit running from a predator that saved her. However, while she was midair, the blood arrow changed direction and curved back towards her. 

She created two pillars of ice beneath her feet - getting the technique right this time because she had no choice but to. Katara jumped off the surface, and moved herself at last minute to dodge. She rolled on the ground before returning to her feet. 

However, her opponent lazily dropped her stance.

“This is checkmate.” 

“What are you talking about, you didn’t even hit-” 

Katara felt her heart constrict in her chest. The water she had been preparing to use splashed uselessly on her feet. Not only could she not bend the water, her body refused to obey her. Her legs fell out from under her, and her face collided with the filthy fire nation streets.

“What…”

“This is the same medication that they use to keep patients sedated in mental asylum. That man had enough of the drug running in his blood to make him think he was on the moon. You lost the second that blood seeped into your wounds. What’s poisoning you right now is the bitter medicine I was forced to swallow every day.”

“...Azula?” 

“Azula wasn’t a waterbender, dipshit.” The spirit actually became annoyed, and kicked Katara while she was lying prone on the ground. “Azula, Azula, Azula! Why are you all so obsessed with her? She’s not even here and she’s still stealing all of the attention away from me!” 

“Who…?” 

“That’s a good question? Who am I? Human? Spirit? ...Or something else? ” She knelt down to get close enough that Katara could see her in spite of the heavy fog, then half-removed the mask from her face. She saw one eye open, and then six more for a total of seven. Jagged lines of stitches stretched across the left upper half of her face, around discolored patches of skin where she transplanted many eyes of differing sizes, colors and shapes in a chaotic and abstract facsimile of a human face. “All I know is I didn’t die in that place when I should have.” 

“Your eyes?”

“What eyes? This is a normal human face? Are you sure you’re not seeing anything.”

No, Katara was sure she saw it. Eight eyes. Now they multiplied to sixteen. Now there were more. Countless eyes watching her, spinning around her. Countless sets of eight eyes. As if she was stuck in a nest of spider.

It was too late for Katara, the eight-legged cage had swung shut behind her. 

Katara’s ploy to buy time had worked though.

As the Noh Mask quickly moved to replace the mask on her face, several green figures appeared on the rooftops surrounding the alleyway. 

Either Ty Lee had gotten help, or Suki came to check up on them. Katara’s thoughts were too sluggish to fully understand what was going on, but if whatever was in front of her had to reply on cheap tactics like poison, if she wasn’t fully a spirit then she could be taken down by numbers.

The Noh Mask seemed to realize it too, because she suddenly picked up a glass vial and held it in the air.

“This is the antidote to the poison I gave her. Without it, she’ll die from the overdose. Let me go and I leave it on the ground, try to attack me and I smash it. What’s it gonna be?”

“Don’t listen to her!” Katara used the last of her strength to yell. “It doesn’t matter what happens to me just take her down.” 

One of the green figures on the nearby rooftops jumped down.
She saw Ty Lee’s apologetic face come close to hers and Ty lee knelt down at her side.

“I’m sorry, Katara. Zuko ordered me to make sure you didn’t get hurt.” 

The Noh Mask set the vial down on the ground next to where Katara lay. “Make sure to drink your medicine, if the poison lingers too long you might learn what it’s like to be terrified of things that aren’t there and have everyone else treat you like a simpering idiot.”

Ty Lee said, as she ordered everyone else to stand down.
The Noh Mask’s deal was taken.
Katara’s life was saved.
All on Zuko’s order.

Katara didn’t feel one bit grateful though. What she felt wasn’t the protectiveness of a prince, but the condescension of a Fire Lord ruling over her. If she saw Zuko again after this, she wouldn’t thank him.

Katara learned a lot of things that night, but there was one thing she already knew.
She hated the fire nation.
She hated it, even if she didn’t want to hate Zuko, but her last thoughts were of him, of hating him, as her mind melted and her consciousness dissolved from the drugs like corrosive acid running through her veins. 

Chapter 10: Grushenka

Summary:

This chapter takes place in the same timeframe as last chapter. I was originally going to write from Azula's perspective but that would have been too straightforward so.

Azula flicked the avatar on the forehead with a controlled burst of static to see if he was still sleeping. Then, confident he was,  she made her way to the main gate unnoticed. 

The Karakozov were regarded as eccentrics among the nobility and their manor was a closed off world that received few visitors. Walking along the perimeter of the estate she decided on her path.

Instead of going southwest towards the shopping district, she decided due south through the residential area. This meant she would be sticking to the unlit backstreets of the city.

As she walked—

She caught sight of a shadow.

Standing on the wall of the estate, a young adult dressed in a light-colored women’s kimono with a black edge, a black scarf, and black sandals. 

“How’d you put the avatar to sleep?” Lio asked.

“I read him some of your poetry.” Azula came to a stop. “He expected his tea to be drugged, so I put a sleeping drought in the incense we were burning instead.” 

Lio’s face changed, smiling broadly, the change was so pronounced it was almost as if they were putting on a different mask, “Incredible. I want to marry you even more than I did five minutes ago.”

“We’re already getting married, the paperworks  has been signed, so do try to control yourself.”

“I signed that contract to be your property - I mean your husband, and yet, still, you’re going out tonight to investigate the murders alone.”

“Oh, does the doggy want to go on a walk? Well, too bad, stay and watch the avatar.

Azula walked past Lio without looking at their face. 

“Very well. Please feel free to do as you wish, Lazuli.”

Even then, Azula did not turn to face Lio. 

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

The staccato sound of footsteps echoed through the darkened residential district. They weren’t the heavy footsteps of a man.

Moreover, Azula’s lace up boots were incapable of producing that kind of sound. You’d need to be wearing shoes with loose soles to make that noise. Maybe a pair of Zori or something.

Okay, forget maybe.
The footsteps that had been following her for a while were definitely coming from a pair of  sandals.

She came to a sudden stop.
The footsteps also shuffled to a halt.
“....”
This won’t do. 

If the princess just kept on walking and ignoring Lio, they would arrive together at the park soon.
People might think they were a pair of lovers sneaking out under moonlight for a sordid affair.

“Lio-dog.”

Azula turned around, and was face to face with Lio holding up a wanted poster - with a crude mustache drawn over her face.

“Yes, is something the matter, Princess Mustache?”

“Please, just ‘princess’ is fine… Now, remind me, isn't your mansion that way?” Azula said, pointing in the direction which they’d come. 

“No, we’re going in the completely wrong direction. Wouldn’t you know it, if we keep going in this direction we’ll reach the scene of the last murder.”

Azula silently responded with a forced smile: Oh, is that so.

Lio smiled right back at her: Sure is!

Azula took a deep breath.

“Is something wrong?”

Lio asked a question.

She took advantage of the brief window of inattention, shamelessly sprinting away, she ran.
She ran,
and ran,
and ran,
and ran,
and ran,
and ran,
and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran,through the darkened city fleeing as fast as her legs would carry her. 

She didn’t hear any footsteps chasing after her, but she took a short detour away just in case.
It looked like her plan was to feign like he was heading toward the market district, and then double back in the other direction.

“Haaaah, haaah.”

For a moment it appeared her plan had worked.

There was no sound of footsteps so maybe she’d-

“Running away just to avoid an awkward conversation, huh? I didn’t know you were so shy.”

Just kidding.

Someone gave her a gentle tap on the shoulder from behind.

“Waaaaaah!” 

She leapt back.
Lio blinked assuming they’d been seeing things, such an undignified noise would never come from the princess’s mouth.

“Hmm, Lio-dog remind me, again. I’m the princess, right?”

“Yep.”

“I’m the princess so you'll follow my orders and do whatever I want, right?”

“Yes, yes, I’ll do whatever you wish.”

“Great, I wasn’t just hearing things then. Alright, well this is goodbye then. I don’t wish for you to follow me anymore, you see.”

“Hmm… I wasn’t actually following you though, Lazuli.”

“What do you call this then?”

“I have some business to attend to in the residential district. I don’t know where you’re headed but unless you’re bound for the residential district then it looks like this is goodbye.”

Azula actually stomped her boot in frustration. The little dragon was throwing a tantrum, “If we’re both caught what do you think will happen!?”

“Oh my, are you worried about me? I’m kidding of course. A perfectly expendable tool like myself isn’t worthy of your concern.”

“...You’re mad because I tried to leave without you, aren’t you?”

Lio simply smiled without saying a word.

“I’m just being practical, one of us needs to stay behind in case the avatar wakes up. So could you-”

“So could you please go back. If that’s where that sentence was headed, I really will be furious with you, Lazuli.”

“Huh…?”

“If you were to turn around right now, I’m sure we’d be able to make up, but I know for a fact you won’t. As such, this discussion is pointless.”

Lio ignored her completely and set off down the sidewalk.

“Hold up, will you! Why are you getting so worked up about this?”

“I’m not worked up in the slightest. What about you? You’re an evil warlord who treats her own friends like her soldiers, it’s why you don’t have friends anymore. So why are you acting so soft?”

The princess opened her mouth again and closed it looking less like a princess and more a tongue tied teenage girl. Lio felt a certain thrill in their stomach when they realized that Azula, arrogant, almighty Azula - was unsure of herself.

 “Mm, fine, I permit you to walk by my side for now,” she said to save face. 

Lio pulled a mask from the folds of their robe and placed it over their face. 

“The weeping widow? Really?” 

“If you don’t like this mask, I can always make another one.” 

“How about a new personality? I find your current one leaves much to be desired.” 

The two of them walked together deeper into the residential district. Lio paid attention to the surroundings, if there was an ambush waiting around the corner they needed to be ready to throw their body in the way to protect the princess. 

Surveying the rooftops,  the light of the hanging paper lanterns burned their eyes.
Their vision filled with spots.
As the world blurred, Lio searched for Azula afraid of losing sight of her.
It was lonely sometimes, seeing a world no one else saw.
The world was solid for everyone else. 

They could touch and feel through what was real.
When Lio tried, reality slipped through his fingers like liquid. 

Thoughts, feelings, memories. 

They oozed out of the cracks in their skull, and drip, drip, dripped away.
All the colors of the world began to disappear, like watercolors in the rain. 

The past.
Because there was a past, there could be a present and a future.
But it’s not like the present is only constructed from the past, and in the same way the future isn’t built from the past and the present either.

The past could also feel like the present at least for Lio it was that way. For most people time was a river that traveled in only one direction, but for them it was more like an ocean fought to keep their head above the surface, and occasionally drowned in. 

Weeks in the past, but not many, Lio had been walking side by side with the princess underneath the same moon. Lio in a mask, Azula in a hood, both under cover of night. 

The Red Light District, a town of the night awash in vanity, desire, love and hate. Some called it the underbelly of Caldera City, others called it the beating heart, but whether or not it was a heart or a stomach the whole district was still awash in a bright, red glow from the many hanging lanterns. 

Li had arranged a meeting there of all places. 

Seeing their family, for the first time in five years. 

Lio remembered — The Karozokov family.

“Honor your family, and honor the royal family above all else.”

Those born into Lio’s family train their entire youths, to protect the royal family with their lives. While many members of the family learn Kenjutsu, they weren’t a family of swordsmen. They were a family of swords. Swords for cutting down the royal family’s enemies. 

The current head of the household was Lieutenant Li, the sworn brother of Iroh. He stood by Iroh’s side when he laid siege to the city, and retook it. 

My father —

 — The hero.

Lio was raised in the image of their father. Their own natural talents were strangled, and they were forced to walk a path in all ways identical to their father. 

No one cared they were a different person entirely. In order to make Lip fit into the mold, their flesh was cruelly cut away, and their dreams mutilated. 

When they failed to meet expectations they were scolded viciously.

Stand up.
Do your job.
Kill, like I do. 

“Why are you messing around? Go practice your bending properly?”

“How can you be so tired! You’ve barely done anything! Lio, what progress have you made?”

“You have the best of everything - if you can’t make something of yourself, no one will make excuses for you.” 

“But I like painting! I like poetry! I like my mother's dancing! Why are you forcing me? I don’t want to be Lieutenant Li’s son anymore.” 

Words like that often earned them a beating. Whenever they were beaten, it was big sister who they ran and cried to. When they were tired, big sister let them lay their head in her lap. When they were locked in the basement behind a wooden door to “meditate” on their failures, Big Sister snuck down there to read them books. 

She watched them grow up, watched as they were treated like a diseased plum tree: their hobbies stripped away, their nature discarded, and their fate distorted, pruned into a simulacrum of their father. 

Li did her best, but in the end, Lio topped resisting what their father was trying to mold them into. Whatever will be will be. Things will happen as they will. Such is the way of the world. 

Lio had become a bent and twisted thing. They wondered if their sister would even recognize them anymore.

Unlike Azula, who was always as punctual as a fire nation train schedule, big sister was late to their meeting, leaving Lio to reminiscence. 

They sat outside the establishment rolling up a tobacco cigarette. 

Azula was snapping her fingers, releasing a small arc of lightning from her fingertips with each snap, sparking like a live wire.

Lio’s lungs filled with ozone as they invaded her personal space, “Hey, can I get a light?” 

“I can light your clothes on fire, how about that?” Another snap. Another spark.

“If you want me to take my clothing off, there are other, nicer ways.” 

“Is that the way you talk to women now?” A third voice spoke up. 

“Pasha…”  

The smoke must have irritated their eyes, because when Lio was face to face with their sister sitting elegantly and poised in her wheelchair their vision began to blur. 

“Yeah, it’s been awhile, Mitenka. You’ve gotten much stronger since the last time I saw you.”

Li said, smiling pleasantly, and then she punched Lio right in their unmentionables.

“As if, fool! Crying like a little baby! You turn into a sissy if I don’t keep an eye on you!”

She rolled her eyes while Lio rolled on the ground in pain, and addressed Azula. “I’m sorry if my brother caused you trouble. I didn’t mind being pushed down those stairs.”

Causally like she was talking about a stranger.

“And I wouldn’t have even minded dying.”
Casually she said this.
It had nothing to do with her.

“Nevermind, I've realized that I’ve yet to thank you - but I’m not exactly thankful, so don’t hold your breath. You should’ve just let it go. Even if I died, you should’ve just let Zuko kill me.”

“Come on, sis.”

“You come on,” Li said, inviting them to sit down inside and skillfully moving along to the next topic. “Our mother Lizaveta after she was disgraced as a geisha for bearing the child of one of her clients was taken in by the kind women here. Father bought this whole establishment shortly after my mother died, so we can speak openly here.” Li paused to address the hooded girl, “So, would you mind explaining why I’m here helping you commit treason?”

To the point.

“Let’s just say I’m not here to drink and catch up with old friends, Li.” Behind the polite welcome Li had extended was a delectable backdrop of nervousness and caution - but Azula had repaid her courtesy with brusque arrogance. “May I ask what you’re doing here? I seem to recall asking to meet with the head of your family, not your family’s shameful secret.”

Li ignored the haughty manner in which Azula held herself. Her sole interest was why Azula arranged for this meeting. “Father’s too busy for matters like this, and I don’t trust my brother with women so I’m here to chaperone.” 

“Sis is here to protect my innocence. I’m very pure of heart,” Lio said. 

Azula opened her mouth to say something, but then accidentally inhaled too much smoke and started to cough. She may have been living, breathing fire, but smoking was bad for a firebender’s lungs. “Did we really have to meet here amongst the filthy degenerates?” 

“Well, I thought it would be best for us to arrange a meeting on neutral ground. If you want to go to the royal palace and ask your brother’s permission, go ahead.” Lio drawled, in disinterest.

So Azula tried to pique their interest. “Karakozov, don’t you desire the world?”

“Nah,” Lio closed their eyes.

“Indeed. Who doesn’t? To be born into the world is to vie for its domination. Don’t shy from your ambition.You have spent too long  in the shadow of the royal family- wait, did you say ‘nah!?”

Suddenly put on the spot, Lio had refuted her by reflex.

Lio opened their eyes to gaze at Azula, it felt like waking up, to a sight prettier than any dream, “I don’t really want anything. What do you want, princess? My hands, my heart, you can even have my body. Please, tell me you want my body.” 

“Do you know how to do anything with your mouth other than waste my time?” 

“Oh, my mouth can do plenty of things. Do you want to see? Or maybe seeing isn’t enough, maybe you want a taste?” 

Azula regarded the irksome creature next to her like they were a spider crawling on the ground she’d just pulled the legs off of. 

Li noticed the torches in the room burning hotter with Azula’s growing aggravation, and moved to calm things down, “Azula I know you don’t want to settle things peacefully with your brother so why are you really here?”

“How do you know I don’t want to settle things peacefully?”

“Because you were a machine built for a specific purpose, and without a war to fight all you can do is rust away in a warehouse somewhere.” 

Lio flinched, their sister had a delicate body, but a sharp tongue.

“The war never ended. It continues on in the back rooms of the imperial courts,” The fact Azula didn’t rise to Li’s taunt and maintained some level of professionalism impressed Lio. “Bitter political rivalries, palace intrigues, blackmail, mysterious disappearances, unfortunate accidents. There are multiple factions within the fire nation government who want to effectively reduce Zuzu to a puppet ruler.”

“You’re not one of them of course,” Lio said.

“Of course,” Azula nodded. “The firelord has refused to bring these parties into line forcing my hand.”

“You were born and raised to serve a firelord and now that your father’s in prison that’s Zuko,” Li read between the lines. 

Azula’s eyes burned with enough anger to vaporize Li and leave behind nothing more than a scorch mark on the floor but all Lio could think was - How pretty. 

Thick black hair tied back in a top knot without a single strand of loose, curved eyebrows, tawny eyes that made you feel like you were staring directly into the sun when you met them,  a small button nose and small lips the same color as cherry peach blossoms.

No, not just pretty, beautiful. 

They say beauty is skin deep, but simmering, just underneath her skin was a fire screaming to be let out. 

When Lio tried to find their own inner flame, there was just darkness. 

“I’ve had enough psychoanalysis during my three year stint at the asylum to last the rest of my life, and frankly I’m tired of strangers attempting to explain what’s wrong with me.”

“We’re not strangers. Don’t you remember the games we used to play when we were younger?” Li said, suggestively. 

“You’re right, soon I’ll be calling you sister in law.” 

Li took a long sip of her plum wine, “That sounded like a marriage proposal, princess.”

“It was. I can’t trust people who work for money, or honor. I have nothing to offer you either that my brother can’t give you. Beyond that, there’s only one thing anyone would work for - love.”

“L-love?”

“I can trust a man who works for love. Lio Karakozov, go ahead and fall for me.” 

Li fell on the floor and then - she laughed.

“Go ahead and… fall for me.”

It sounded like the laugh of a child, jubilant from the bottom of her heart; but at the same time it was warped - somehow perverted.

“Go ahead…”

Li laughed. Li laughed. Li laughed. 

“Your family doesn’t want to serve the firelord anymore and I don’t want to be my brother’s political prisoner. It’s the most logical course of action.” The image of professionalism, Azula reached into a shoulder bag she had been concealing underneath her cloak,  “So I have taken the liberty of drawing up an agreement that will suit both of our needs.”

“Oh, I’m so eager to see it,” Li said, sitting up after she had had her fill of laughter. 

Azula dropped a stack of papers so heavy that it hit the table with a loud thud. The agreement turned out to be a large document, at least fifty pages long written in Azula’s tiny but still perfectly legible handwriting.

“I wrote down all of my thoughts on our potential coupling. I’m a very thorough woman.”

“...So, is paperwork a turn on for you or something?” Lio asked.

“I don’t understand. What are we trying to turn on?”

“I’m saying it gets you hot and sweaty.”

“Well, I suppose writing this all up was quite the labor.” 

Li immediately snatched the paperwork away to look at it herself, elbowing Lio when they tried reading over her shoulder.

“The document is in several parts,” Azula said, “I’ll persuade my brother that a marriage between me and the Karazokov family head is a way to make me someone else’s problem, and thwart a potential conflict between the four great noble families.The engagement mustn't be so quick as to appear a scandal, but cannot come too slowly either. An engagement of twelve months should, by my estimates, fulfill our purposes.” 

“I see,” Li said, flipping through the pages. Lio had been left entirely out of the discussion by this point. “My brother didn’t take advantage of you, did they?” ”

Now, it was Azula’s turn to laugh. The sound of her laughter was so pretty, like a crackling fire, and the howls mixed within, as it burned down an entire village. “Do you think there’s anyone on earth who can make me do something I didn’t want to do? This was my idea, and I already know what marriage involves. Upon marriage, there shall be no more than three conjugal encounters per week and no fewer than one until a suitable heir is provided. After that, the same numbers apply to a two-week span.” 

“I feel like I’m a feudal lord’s daughter being sold to a cruel warlord.” Lio muttered, laying their head on the table, as the two women continued negotiating their fate without their input. “Just one question, am I allowed any human rights?”

“No,” Li said.

“Of course not,” Azula said.

“Wait,” Li said, squinting her eyes, “Your documents allow mistresses?”

“Certainly,” Azula said, “They are a simple fact of life, and it’s no better to account for them than to ignore them. In the document you will find requirements for your potential mistresses along with the means by which discretion will be maintained.”

“I see.” Li said.

Lio uncorked a bottle of plum wine and began drinking directly from the bottle.

“Naturally,” Azula continued, “I will follow the same guidelines. I would abstain until heirs are produced of course. There mustn't be any confusion about lineage.”

“Of course,” Li said.

“It’s in the contract,” she said, “Page fifteen.”

“I see it right here.” Li’s expression was completely flat, “I’m not going to sign the first contract you offer me though, we’ll have to take time to negotiate until we reach a document we both agree with.” 

What proceeded was hours of negotiation and rewrites of the ridiculously sized document that Azula had drawn up for the terms of their marriage agreement.

Enough time passed for Lio to finish up several bottles of rice wine. When they began to sober up, they finally ran out of patience and slammed their hands on the table sending paper flying. 

“No more contracts! Just tell me in fifty words or less why I should work with you, and I’ll do it. I won’t make you sign a piece of paper with weird sex stuff, just tell me why-”

“So, should I revise page 13-”

“FIFTY WORDS OR LESS!”

Azula looked flustered now that they weren’t discussing their potential marriage like some new trade regulation she wanted to pass. She took a moment clearly counting in her head the number of words to make her offer.

"If you marry me it will be the end of hundreds of years of servitude to the royal family. I know the methods your father trained you with were downright torture. Our child will be raised as a prince not someone else’s tool. You will be the last Karazokov ever." 

Exactly, fifty words. 

Lio looked at her.

There was nothing of any value in the entire city of caldera. If a volcano exploded and vaporized this entire city tomorrow, Lio would be glad.

There was nothing worth preserving, Mother was the only beautiful thing in the world and all beauty died with her. All of the light and color in the world rapidly became worn and faded, and Lio was left to wander a dark night all alone in desperation. 

Yet, this girl was alive. Living, breathing, pulsing, like a heartbeat, like a flame.

Before her, Lio's life was an endless night sky, but Azula was the first start to appear in that sky. When they looked at her they felt… warm. Maybe… there wasn’t just darkness inside of them, maybe there were a few embers remaining that could someday, maybe, be rekindled into a fire.

In their mind they’d already accepted the bargain, but they continued to pretend to be thinking it over to save face, “Four conditions,”

One.

“You can draw up another contract but no weird sex stuff.”

Two. 

“I don’t care if Li is illegitimate, I want you to use your power to have her officially acknowledged as a Karakozov family member.” 

Three. 

“If you and I are to be married, let us live together for one year. I will try my hardest to learn to love you. Just for one year.” 

“What happens at the end of that year if you’re not satisfied? Do we renegotiate or just end the engagement?”

“After that year…**********”

“Then…********”

“I will…*******” 

In Lio’s memory, light distorted, and sound failed to reach their ears. They tried to get closer, but suddenly a hand grabbed their wrist and yanked them back.

Lio looked down to see that they had almost walked right off of a rooftop. Azula gripping their wrist was all that stopped them. 

"You were seeing things, weren’t you?” She asked.

“Don’t look at me like I’m crazy. The only thing I’m crazy about is you. I just got distracted, listing off all the things about you that make me crazy. Number one, your eyes. Number two, your lips. Number three-”

Lio remembered. They’d shown Azula how they caught up to her by running and jumping along the rooftops of Caldera CIty. Apparently, someone else had the same idea, because they’d spotted Ty Lee and Katara in the distance. 

“I’ll lead Ty Lee away from here, you can continue investigating on your own.” 

“I…”

“Stop hesitating like a schoolgirl. A tyrant like you, should just give me orders.”

“Lio, no firebending.” Azula said.

“Because you don’t want me to hurt Ty Lee, or because you don’t want me to hurt myself?” 

“I’m sorry, were you just questioning my orders? Do you think a tyrant like me would tolerate that?”

“No, of course not, my princess. Please don’t cut out my tongue.”

“Mmmm… I’ll let you keep it just this once.”

“My tongue is grateful. I’m sure my tongue would love to demonstrate its gratitude to the princess later.” 

So, they replaced their mask, and Mask Maker deliberately led Ty Lee’s attention away. 

When the Kyoshi Warrior who had given chase proved to be just as capable of running across rooftops as they were, Lio abandoned their plan of running away.

They turned on their foot, striking out at their pursuer in a surprise attack.

Ty Lee - 

Lio bent low to the ground and swept her legs out from underneath her, causing her to fall. 

They removed their mask, just enough that Ty Lee could recognize the face their princess had so lovingly mutilated. 

“Lio? Are you really letting yourself be used by Azula?”

“There’s no need to be jealous, Ty Ty.”

Lio caught Ty lee’s forward jab in their open hand, and then drove a knee into her stomach.

“If you’re feeling lonely, I can let you use this body too.”

The padding of her armor cushioned the blow, but she lost balance. Lio executed a throw, and slammed her onto the ground.

Ty Lee, ever the acrobat, sprung back to her feet from where she lay completely prone on the ground. After her surprising feat of acrobatics, she jabbed with her knuckles again. Lio let her fist fly past their head and then grabbed her forearm, redirecting her momentum they flung Ty Lee into the air. 

“Upsy Daisy!”

Before they teach acrobats to swing on their trapeze they teach them how to fall. Ty Lee had fallen perfectly, landed on all fours, and easily recovered.

“Ten out of ten landing! And the audience goes wild!” Lio said. 

“What audience?”

Lio cupped a hand over their ear, “Can’t you hear them? The audience is cheering. We’ve got to put on a show.” 

Ty Lee decided to play along, “Yeah, but they’re obviously cheering for me!” 

She seized an opening, and went  for the solar plexus. Lio stripped off their kimono and flung it in her face and easily stepped out of the way. 

She ripped it off her head, but Lio wasn’t attacking. 

“Why would they be cheering for you? You’re just the opening act, I’m the main event.”

Another taunt, for attention.
Always such an attention hungry child. 

The Mask Maker was always making new masks, always trying to be wanted, always trying to be someone brighter, someone more clever, someone more charming, someone more.

Like an announcer heralding the beginning of the circus, they spread their arms wide and yelled loud enough to be heard in the cheap seats, “Now, now, now…Come one, come all! Everyone is welcome here!”

Ty Lee took a step back on instinct. 

Lio’s smile widened, stretching their cheek stitches; it was exactly the reaction they wanted to provoke.

A comedy makes the audience laugh, a tragedy makes them cry, and a monster story makes them terrified, a romance story makes them fall in love. 

A true entertainer had complete control of their audience. 

Lio stomped on the ground like a sumo wrestler. “What you’re about to witness… is a grand, fearsome, goosebump-raising show stopping performance that silences crying children.”

“Wow, full of yourself, much?” 

“Be careful, get too close and you might get swallowed whole. One hit is enough to kill, meaning it’s as one-hit-kill as it can be!”

“I know you’re trying to distract me. I’m not as stupid as I look, and not as stupid as I act - and wait, no, no, I’m not stupid at all!” Ty Lee decided to steal the show, spring up, running halfway up the tree she bounded off of it and her hands reached for a sturdy nearby clothesline. She swung around the line like a trapeze, and landed on top. “So, tell me what you’re getting at!”

“Sssh, no talking, the show’s about to start.”

Lio jumped spinning backwards through the air, and then landed on a lower rooftop and took a bow.

Not impressed, Ty Lee jumped from high above, and tried to hit Lio with a flying kick.

Lio crossed both arms and blocked, so Ty Lee kicked off of Lio to get more air. She twisted her body around and hit Lio’s shoulders with her two knuckles.

Their arm went limp, but…

Ty Lee had been away from the circus for too long. She forgot a basic principle of showmanship, sleight of hand. Lio sacrificed an arm to lure her in close.

Their fist buried itself in Ty Lee’s stomach, bruising her organs and making her spit up blood. 

Ty Lee tried to retaliate with a left handed jab that Lio smacked away. They stepped back, pulling Ty lee forward, grabbing her by the wrist so she could not pull away, then embraced her. 

Lio heard a popping sound. Desperate to get away, Ty Lee had dislocated her own shoulder, causing Lio to lose his grip.

She paused, taking a moment to pop her shoulder back in the socket, “I don’t get it. Why are you following Azula?”

“Who cares about me?” Lio began, “Let’s talk about your favorite subject instead, yourself.” 

Ty Lee moved into Lio’s blindspot and attacked. Her fist slammed into the Lio’s face, but Lio did not budge. They spat the blood right in her eyes to blind her, and stepped back to dodge Ty Lee’s blind flailing. 

“When I found out you betrayed Azula to protect Mai I sure was surprised, I thought you always hated her.” 

Ty Lee wiped the blood from her eyes, “What are you talking about?”

She stepped on Lio’s toe, and then did a jab with her right arm. Lio ripped their foot out from underneath hers to throw her off balance. Then, leaping into the air and spinning they kicked Ty Lee in the side of the head knocking her down. 

As Lio approached Ty Lee managed to jump up again while lying completely prone on the ground, and then balanced on one hand while she spun the rest of her body to aim a kick like a swinging ax at Lio - that they just barely managed to sidestep.

Ty Lee got to her feet and aimed a kick at Lio’s ankles. They missed when Lio stepped back, and Lio retaliated with a kick to the head. Ty Lee dodged by going into a complete split to get lower to the ground. She moved into a handstand from the ground, grabbed Lio’s neck in between her legs and pulled them down to the ground and in a hold

That was a mistake, as the next moment Lio’s teeth sunk into her calf meat until Ty Lee screamed and let go, rolling over in pain. Their teeth pierced past her clothes, through the layers of skin and sunk into yet muscle. When Lio ripped their mouth away a long strip of flesh came away with it.

The empty night sky filled with the wet sounds of chewing.

Lio covered their mouth suppressing a gag.  It was all they could do not to vomit. They’d tasted a girl that wasn’t Azula, it was absolutely disgusting.

“Come on, Ty Ty, let’s gossip! It’s fun to trash people you hate behind your back, isn’t it?”

“I don’t hate Mai. For spirit's sake, this is like talking to Azula. Are you going to get to a point soon or do you just like hearing your own voice.”

“I don’t like the sound of my voice at all. All day long I talk with the voices in my head it gets lonely…Won’t you talk with me Ty Lee?

“Talk about desperate!”

“Aren’t you the desperate one? I mean, how many people did you kill just so Lazuli would look at you?” 

“…What?"

When Ty Lee tried to crawl away, Lio stepped on her back. “You didn’t even keep track? I guess it doesn’t count, because it was Azula killing those people, right? Azula made you do all those bad things, riiiiiiight!?”

Lio stepped off and grabbed her by the chest armor, lifted and dangled her off of the edge while staring deeply into her eyes. 

“It didn’t work, did it? No matter how many people you killed, she didn’t respect you the way she did Mai….” Just kidding, Lio whipped around and threw her back on the rooftop. “Just so you know, I don’t respect you either.” 

“I don’t base my entire life around what Azula thinks anymore.”

“Now that’s a lie. You base your life entirely around what other people think. Why else would you dress yourself up in this ridiculous costume?”

Lio grabbed a fist full of her kimono, tearing it until it ripped to expose the clothes underneath. They were just another man, forcibly exposing a woman against her will. Such behavior was why they hated men, and of course, why they hated themselves. 

If Ty Lee was embarrassed, she didn’t show it. “This is the garb of a Kyoshi Warrior-”

“First you were a circus freak, then you were Azula’s friend, and now you’re a Kyoshi Warrior? You just imitate the people around you.” Lio attempted to wipe at the white makeup, but only smeared blood on her lips, “You dress yourself in their clothes, and paint your face to be just like them.” 

“No, you’re wrong… I…I… I’m not like the others.”

“Everyone who’s around your age says the same exact thing. Which means you’re exactly like the others.”

Lio snapped their fingers, "Oh, I just figured it out. That’s probably why Lazuli never respected you.”

“I…”

This is what Lio enjoyed most of all.

Witnessing the moment the mask fell off of their face. 

“…Are you going to kill me?”

“If I did, would anyone notice? There are six more girls exactly like you. The only person who could ever tell the difference between you and your sisters was Azula, but oh, you hate her now.”

Lio stepped off of her neck, “Well, whatever, I don’t like making women cry, so  I'll let you live on the condition that you don’t tell anyone you saw me.”

“And let a lunatic like Azula wander around free when she should be in an asylum not happening.” 

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO PEOPLE IN THOSE ASYLUMS?” 

Lio screamed underneath the night sky. Then, he broke out into laughter, befitting someone who carried the title of lunatics. “I forgot, us lunatics aren’t people to you. Go ahead, tell everyone. Then I’ll tell Zuko that I saw Mai meeting someone in secret the same night the murderer was on the prowl.” 

“I don’t believe you.”

“You know, Mai’s family fell on hard times. I bet you just love that, you finally feel like equals.  If you tell everyone what Mai’s been up to she might lose even more status, I bet you’d love that even more.”

The silence on a pitch black night was haunting. Ty Lee turned her head up, looking at the empty  sky above, a void with no hope in it. After a single moment that seemed to stretch out several years, Lio’s voice broke through that silence. “But you wouldn’t do that would you? Because you and Mai are such good friends?” 

“What do you think you’re doing, Lio?” An irritating voice in Lio’s head spoke up. 

“What are you going to do tell me that I’m acting crazy? I figured that out when I started talking to voices in my head.”

“You’re acting like your father.”

Stand up. 

Father’s voice. 

Stand up, Lio.
Do your job.
Kill, like I do. 

“You should have broken her, shown Azula you are stronger than Ty Lee is, that you are more competent.” 

“But, I’m not as sane,” Lio said to his imaginary father.

“You should break me, too. You hate me don’t you? I forced you to fight for survival as a child.” 

“You made me strong.”

“Then use your strength to break me.”

“I…”

“What did you do to Ty Lee?” Another voice asked.

“Relax, I was thinking of breaking both her legs so she couldn’t follow us but I only ended up breaking her heart.”

“So you’re a heartbreaker, huh? I hate this marriage more and more with each passing second.”

Lio blinked.

Oh, it wasn’t Lion.

They were talking to Azula, again.
Lio lost had time, again.

They’d lost the time it had taken to catch up to Azula. Before Lio could explain, Azula held a figure up and pointed at Mai a block away. 

Mai lost Ty Lee and Katara, but Azula knew the capital city like it was an extension of herself. Mai could not hope to escape her, within her city.

Still a public park in the residential district of all places.

“What were you doing following me? I saw you outside the window when I was talking with Ty Lee. It's dangerous to be chatting like this."  

For a moment Lio thought she was calling out to them, but then she appeared. 
Misfortune.
An unfortunate woman. 
An unfortunate memory. 

“...Oh, how serious. You won’t waste your time talking to the ever famous Queen of Chatting, or are you just looking down on a member of the branch family?”

“No, your complete lack of anything intelligent is why I'm looking down on you." Frustrated, Mai actually let anger seep into her voice, “Just what is it you’re trying to do, calling me to meet now?”

“Nothing really. I don’t want to do anything.”

“...What?”

“It’s too late. I shan’t do a thing. You’re the one who told me to infiltrate the New Ozai society because Zuko asked.”

Hearing that, Mai’s face went dark red.

“You already know? What I’m doing…?” 

The girl raised her head, and Mai looked down at her, “I’m branch family, I follow your orders. 

Except if those orders are boring, or if I’m not in the mood, but anyway, why don’t you tell me what we’re doing?”

Mai clenched her jaw at the other girl’s words. Seeing that, the girls quivered with an ecstatic look stuck to her face. 

“Am I supposed to guess? Right, right, a good servant like me should be able to guess her lady’s whims. Zuko was purging his political rivals, that’s why he threw daddy in prison. I can’t believe you dated that guy by the way.”

“Fuck you…” Mai’s face contorted into rage.

“No thanks, unlike you I'm not into boys with emotional issues. I want to marry a rich old man, ideally one that will die under mysterious circumstances and leave me with all his money.” Watching her, the girl snorted and chuckled, even when she was taunting others, her voice was sweet, like a sugary confection. She placed her hands behind her back as she casually inspected her surroundings. Moving on… why are you getting involved? Do you just not have anything better to do?”   

“...What do you mean?” Mai immediately responded. 

“I mean it’s a big deal for everyone else if your family loses its status but you could care less. It’s not for your brother, or father, and it’s not for some boy, hmm…unless, wait don't tell me it's still all about her?" 

As she turned to Mai, the girl looked up at her persistently. She happily bounced, walking around her over and over, before coming to a dead stop. 

“You’re not doing it to help Zuko, but to hurt her… I get it. You hate her. If she’s involved with the New Ozai society then you want to crush her, but still you're troubled. You’re incredibly troubled.” She stood in front of Me as she glared more intensely at her. 

"Who?" 

"Who else? Azula. Azula, Azula. Everyone pays more attention to her than they do me, it really is quite vexing. Then again, I'm just a no-name from a branch family, why would they pay attention to me?" 

Mai opened her mouth, trying to find words to say only to close it again. Her pale lips trembled a little but he could only muster a glare directed back at  the girl. “What are you trying to do?” 

“You know what!! I told you before,  didn’t I? I’m not trying to do anything!” She screamed in a high pitched voice, and then laughed it off, “I’m just following your orders.”

“You were supposed to spy and report back to me, but all you’ve done is run your mouth.”

“I’m sorry, my lady. Just one last tiny thing, I thought I should mention we’re being eavesdropped on so you might want to have this meeting somewhere else.” 

The girl snapped her fingers, and released a large plume of orange flame to light up the night sky.

Lio  acted first, tackling Azula down into the shadows and out of sight.
Not before he caught sight of her one final time.

Black hair tied up partially in a loose top knot, the rest fell well past her shoulders. Bright red fire nation colors, a red top with her midriff exposed, matching holden bands on her arms, a red skirt with a pair of black leggings and black boots underneath. 

A re-cheeked, full bodied, fire nation beauty,   but the eyes hidden behind her slightly crooked glasses were a bright blue. 

“Grushenka.” Lio breathed her name when he was sure they were out of sight. 

Azula however, fumed. “Why are you looking at her like that? If you want to have a mistress you’ll have to revise the contract.”

“I told you no sex stuff. Really for a girl who’s only kissed one boy you’re way too casual about this.”

“I’ve kissed more than one boy.”

“Really, for a girl who’s only kissed two boys you’re way too casual about this.”

“How did you know!? Oh, you tricked me. That's only fun when I do it to Zuko." 

“Wait, really? Did you burn his face off too?”

“No, but I burned his house down.”

“Hot.”

“You’re right, fire is hot and so am I.” Azula said, and then pushing Lio off from on top of her, “We should go back to see if the Avatar has woken up yet, but before that let me be clear. This is a sham of a marriage so I don’t care if you have a mistress but I won’t tolerate betrayal, is that understood?” 

At that moment Lio remembered.

“For my fourth condition let’s make a bet. We’ll live together for one year. My heart is the direct inverse of yours. You are the fire and I am the darkness, so I will try my hardest to learn to love you. Just for one year, and after that year, if I can consider you ‘special’ you will have won.” 

Lio reached for Azula’s cheek, and just brushing  their fingers against her fair skin made her cheeks burn,  “But if I cannot consider you special to me then I will *******************.”

Azula’s eyes started to droop.

She had been avoiding drinking wine the entire time, refusing to drink what someone else offered to you was a smart move, but she needn't have bothered, because Li hid a sleeping drought in the incense that was burning at their table. 

Li and Lio who had been swallowing poison like this since they were children were unaffected of course, but even a dragon will have trouble in a snake’s garden. 

As Azula became unable to sit up straight and fell on her side, not a single patron at the bar even looked her way. All of them, waitresses, courtesans, had been bought by Li a long time ago. 

“Don’t worry, Azula loses time like this all the time. We’ve got maybe fifteen minutes to talk.”

“Drugging a girl? Who raised you? Oh, right, it was me. That’s probably why you’re like that.” Li stopped joking, “Lio, if you’re planning on starting a civil war because you can’t keep it in your pants around your princess then I'm going to give you a serious thrashing.” 

“I’m not planning anything. You’re the one who sent a letter telling me Azula left the asylum, and was heading towards my forest with Zuko. I’m just a puppet of the Karakozov family.”

“You’re not a puppet. A puppet would actually listen and the only thing you listen to is your p-”

“My pure heart,” Lio placed their hand over Li’s mouth.

Li bit that same hand, “I thought I raised you to respect women, especially the one who can kill you.”

“Big sister tried her best, but look how I turned out.”

“Don’t you feel a little bit sorry for her? You know the princess’s story, she was betrayed by her friends and family and lost her mind. If you want to kill her so badly then just finish her now, don’t spend an entire year twisting the knife.”

“So what? Does being betrayed really hurt that much? Things like that happen in Caldera every day.” 

The capital of the Fire Nation - 

Caldera City.

In this city there’s a saying, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends and family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one which is never known to anyone except himself alone, but sometimes that hidden truth is just another lie. The imperial city is a city full of political games - an unrivaled amusement park.

“People betray people. These things… they happen all over this city.” 

Chapter 11: Father Glowworm

Summary:

Sorry for the length. This was originally going to be two chapters but then I really wanted to write a chapter from Ty Lee's perspective next chapter, so this got combined into one chapter.

Anyway, here's Aang.

Aang dreamed a dream where he was not Aang. 

Even though he wasn’t himself, he knew it was a dream because as he walked the fire nation streets he caught sight of a dragon flying overhead. The citizenry cheered because dragon sightings were an auspicious sign.

He wasn’t Aang, he was Aang dreaming of a woman with dark skin and a freckled face. He caught sight of a woman who wasn’t Azula. She wore black and red form-fitting armor like Azula, she had a porcelain-doll face, and pitch-black hair like Azula, but Azula would never wear her hair in a messy top knot. 

The woman who wasn’t Aang watched as the wind blew a few falling petals from a nearby cherry plum tree into her hair. Tempted to forget about fire nation proprietary and reach over and pluck just once cherry plum blossom from her the woman who wasn’t Azula’s hair, but her companion acted first.

A boy with eyes the color of gangrenous flesh stole the cherry blossom for himself. The woman who wasn’t Azula was furious, and she chased him around while the freckled women watched. Just as she was feeling left out, the boy with rotten eyes smiled at her. The woman who wasn’t Azula beckoned her to come closer, and whispered something but nothing came out of her mouth.

What?

The woman who wasn’t Azula (silently) repeated herself to no avail. She leaned in, trying to hear, and suddenly she was close, too close, and….

Aang woke up on the floor of a room that smelled of incense. 

The first thing he saw was that the sun had not even risen yet and Azula was already dressed, hair in a perfect top-knot, and unrolling scroll after scroll to search through. 

When Lio’s snoring rose to a disagreeable volume, Azula moved to kneel over their sleeping form, pinching their nose and covering their mouth until they woke up gasping for air. 

“I… dreamed.” They sat up on their own, accidentally bumping foreheads with her. They both quickly pulled away from each other, rubbing their foreheads. 

“I dreamed of both of us here. Walking in this city, laughing and talking. But so long ago. In a time of dragons, when the city was fine and unshattered.” They paused, their mouth slightly ajar. They said softly, “The air smelled like flowers. It was like that in the beginning. In the mountains and the market circle. I was the avatar, and you… you had a different face, and I called you by a different name, but I knew it was you.”

“That never happened. Dragons are extinct. The air smells like smoke and ash here and you’re not the avatar. The avatar is right over there.”

“Of course it didn’t happen. That’s why I said it was a dream and not a memory, Little Miss Overly-Literal.” 

“I’m the appropriate amount of literal.” Azula scoffed. 

Aang was grateful for their banter because it gave him time to silently freak out. Why were they having the same dream, was it just a coincidence or a portent of something more? 

“Well, there was a time when two people claimed to be the avatar,” Lio said, speaking smoothly of history that Aang did not know. “Before Kyoshi was discovered, a young earthbending prodigy named Yun had everyone fooled into thinking he was the real avatar. Apparently when he was exposed, he made a deal with a dark spirit and tried to kill the real deal.”

“You don’t need to tell me about my own past lives, I was there.”

“You have no clue what I’m talking about, do you?”

“It’s not my fault. If I want to learn about my past lives then I have to ask one of them, and Kyoshi isn’t really that friendly.” 

“Are you afraid of strong women, Aangie? I myself like a woman who could kill me if she wanted to.” Lio said, but the woman in question, Azula, was too busy reading a scroll to overhear, “Still, I can’t help but feel bad for the guy.”

“Why - he got caught lying it sounds like he got what he deserved.” 

“We only know Kyoshi’s side of the story, and she was the one who killed him. Maybe Yun wanted to be a good avatar. Kyoshi just happened to be born the avatar - like those idiots who think they’re better than everyone because they wear golden hairpins and sit on thrones.” 

“They’re right, you know.” Azula said, without looking up. 

“You shouldn’t call yourself an idiot Lazuli, it’s beneath you. That golden hairpin makes Zuko look like an idiot. On you it looks smart and sexy, so sexy I want to get on my knees right now.” 

Azula snorted, like a dragon warning the kitten that kept swiping at her with their claws she could incinerate them if she so wished, “Not that part, you fool. If Yun had won his battle against Kyoshi, then I doubt he would have been remembered as a madman who needed to be put down.” 

“So, you’ve figured out that most of our ‘ great’ ’ nation’s history is just a lie?”

“Don’t make air quotes and a tone of voice that implies you’re using sarcasm when describing our nation as great, and of course I have. I’m a liar myself,” Azula said, before standing up to pull another scroll from one of the high shelves. She could not quite reach. She jumped up and down trying to reach it, before Lio leaned over to retrieve it for her. 

“Even the formation of our country is based on a lie.” Azula unrolled the scroll in front of her, “The general who united the country during the warring states era, was stabbed in the back by the man who became the first firelord. Apparently he was a tyrant, but I’m sure if he hadn’t died with a knife in his back he would have been remembered as a fair and just ruler - oh.” 

Azula’s eyes lit up - which was saying something because her eyes were always exceptionally bright. “I remember where I heard of the Kemurikage. We won’t find the information we need here, we need to go to the Dragonbone caverns.”

“We?” Not that Aang wasn’t grateful and all, but, “Wait, why are you helping me?” 

“Well, obviously, I intend to lure you into a dark cave and leave your body where nobody will find you. Then there will be nobody to stop me from taking my brother’s throne.”

“Umm…”

“I’m allowed to tell jokes too, Avatar.” 

“We’ve been over this before, princess, jokes are supposed to be funny. You’re not funny, you’re just an awful person, that’s all.”

“How rude, Avatar. That’s the first time anyone ever said that about me.”

“Really?” 

“If anything, people often tell me the opposite. ‘What a lovely personality…’”

“They’re being sarcastic!” 

“Excuse me, are you saying those people were being dishonest with me? I won’t stand for anyone, even you, casting doubts on their words.”

“You’re sticking up for people who’re insulting you, damnit!”

It took Aang a moment to realize that Azula was just testing his wit. “I find the only way to ensure things will be done competently is to do them myself. You’d be surprised how incompetent subordinates are, half of leadership is just running around putting out fires that other people started.”

“I guess that’s why they call it the fire nation.”

“...”

“Because everything’s on fire.” 

“...”

“It’s okay, you can laugh because that joke was actually funny. You know what, we’ll work on it together, I’ll teach you jokes that don’t hurt people’s feelings, and you can tell me all about battles that happened hundreds of years ago.” 

Azula actually looked delighted to have a chance to share her knowledge of the Fire Nation’s bloody and war torn history, before she realized Aang wasn’t being sincere and deflated. “Hmmph. Lio, do you think Yukine will be able to sneak us into the Dragonbone Caverns?” 

“We should be fine as long as we don’t run into another fire sage - Alyosha is about as good at lying as I am at telling the truth.” 

“Alyosha?” The name sounded water tribe.

“My youngest brother, he was given away to be raised at the temple when he was young. If I hadn’t been banished, he never would have had to touch a sword.” Lio said, only to shrug. “I’m sure he’s over it, though. If it’s one thing monks are good at it’s forgiveness, right Aangie?”

Things were moving faster, out of his control, and Aang decided that he needed to decide between Azula and Zuko. It was easier to have Azula on his side then it was to fight her, but there was no way Zuko would allow it.

Cooperating with Azula meant lying to Zuko He didn’t seem to understand why he had to choose between siblings, but it seemed like everybody had already made their choice and no one chose Azula, no one except the lion dog that was always dogging her footsteps. 

So Aang chose - to not choose. 

He would try to help both siblings, at least until Zuko found out and it all came crashing down on him. It was the cowards way out, but airbenders were all cowards who would always run rather than fight. 

They all disguised themselves for the journey to the Dragonbone Caverns. Azula dressed down in simpler robes, with a cloak over her head, and forgoing her golden collar for a scarf. 

“What’s with the scarf?” Aang asked.

“It’s cold.”

“We’re on a tropical island, in a city built in the center of a dormant volcano.” 

Azula pulled the scarf tighter around her neck, leaving Aang confused. It was a humid, sweltering morning, and the heat of Azula’s cheeks as she looked away was proof of that. Suddenly, Lio ambushed her from behind and gave her a small peck in the divet between her neck and shoulder and Azula turned so red she looked like a volcano waiting to explode. 

"Last night the princess learned what a hickey was," Lio breathed into her neck. 

"You, are about to learn the true definition of the word pain," Azula said, putting her hand on their face and pushing them away. 

Lio had come out wearing a red dragon mask in addition to their usual kimono. Ostensibly the mask was to hide their scar but Aang suspected Lio felt more comfortable with a mask on. 

Traveling on Appa was too conspicuous, so they went on foot across the city and up hundreds of stairs to reach the fire sage’s capital temple. When they finally reached the top of the hill there was an imposing building with several stories of pagoda roofs all stacked on top of each other made of red brick and decorated with goal accents.

At the top of the temple steps, Lio rolled tobacco from his silver canister into a cigarette and then leaned over Azula. “Hey, can I get a light?”

“How about I burn the lips off of your face?”

“Only if you promise to kiss the smoldering remains.” 

Azula frowned and Lio pulled out his tinder box, but before they could open it Azula snatched it away, “No smoking in the tomb of my ancestors.” 

They’d come before sunrise, when the rest of the temple was still asleep.
Looking around the empty temple that contained the sleeping bones of old firelords – 

Aang saw him. 

Long white hair – not a single strand of black.
Two red eyes like drops of fresh blood spilled on snow.
He wore a long flowing blue kimono, with hakama pants of the same shade.
He definitely did not dress like a sage.
He wasn’t even wearing the fire nation colors.
He had a face marked by fire like Zuko’s, but the mutilation spread over his chest and arms too. It took all of Aang’s self discipline not to stare at his mottled, raised flesh. 

He had a ghastly appearance, but there was only kindness in his voice, “Big brother you smell of alcohol and cigarettes. Have you been drinking again?”

“I’m not drinking, I’m only indulging. Now c’mere Alyosha. I could take you in my arms, Aylosha and press you to my whole bosom until I crush you, for in the whole world - in reality - in reality - I love no one but you! You, and one ‘jade’ I have fallen in love with, to my ruin.”

Lio uttered the last words in a sort of exaltation, like he was trying to wake the sleeping dead. 

 “You don’t really think that. What you like isn’t family. You’re more interested in wine and women.”

“Haha, you’re quite smart. I love that about you, too.” 

“Mitka is being nice to me, they must want something…” Alyosha said, turning his attention to Princess Azula and Aang, the odd couple standing behind Lio. “W-w-what is she doing here?”

Aang called after him. “Awe, Azula’s not that scary.”

“No, he’s wrong, you should be scared of me.”

“G-g-girls are scary…W-what if I say something stupid and a pretty girl laughs at me?”

 Alyosha had been given away by his family and raised by fire sages, so Aang supposed it made sense he didn’t have much experience talking to girls that weren’t his sister.

“Sister said that Azula wasn’t allowed to leave the mansion,” Alyosha said, now hiding behind his big brother.

“It’s alright,  Zuko and Azula have kissed and made up and now everything is good,” Lio said.

“They kissed?  But aren’t they siblings?”

“No, no, no, listen - Azula is here to help Zuko investigate the culprit behind the recent murders, like a good little child soldier raised to serve only the throne’s best interests.” 

“I don’t know about that…”

Azula leveled her eyes at Alyosha, “Yukine the crown princess of the fire nation has made a request of you, it will be your honor to take us to the dragon bone caverns right away.”

Alyosha came out from his hiding place, “Y-yes, Ma’am. It w-will be my honor.” 

"Good boy, you can skip the bowing because we're pressed for time." 

Aang was curious, noticing Alyosha’s aversion to Azula. “She didn’t give you that burn, did she?”

Yukine shook his head, “The princess would never - except for the one time she burned Mitka’s face but she’s sorry for that.” 

Azula frowned, “I would prefer it if you didn’t put words in my mouth.”

“You don’t need to say it, because you understand the words ‘I’m sorry’ are mere words. Mitka understands too.” 

Azula’s brow twitched, “Can you stop using those unpronounceable savage names? You both have proper fire nation names, Lio and Yukine.” 

Yukine, who wore a blue kimono the color of his mother’s home, in the middle of the fire nation capital city, frowned. 

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with Alyosha wanting to be called a name from his mother’s culture,” Aang spoke up.

“It's fine, avatar, the princess is only that way because she loves her own culture so much. If only she could learn to love other cultures half as much.”

Aang didn’t say anything - because he didn’t think that Azula loved anything. There was no way she could love her nation as much as he loved the air nomads.

“Alright, you three can handle it alone. I’ll wait here for you to come back,” Azula said, before turning on her heel.

What was she doing?

“What are you doing?”

She was the one who insisted on coming with!

“You’re the one who insisted on coming with!” 

As usual Lio understood her far better than Aang ever could, “The Princess just doesn’t want to risk being seen by the fire sages, they were there on the day of the comet.” 

Azula seemed to be frightened of something; she was shivering, and her eyes were darting every which way, while her nails dug into her palms in an attempt to control her emotions. For a moment, her face looked like it might crumple in the beginnings of a scream, but -

- Lio tugged on the top of her top knot to get her attention, and when she turned angrily to them they casually flicked her bangs out of her face and then removed the mask from their own face and placed it over hers to hide whatever emotion she might be feeling.
“They saw me broken,” Azula finally said.

Lio met the golden eyes that looked like they were about to melt into liquid, “It doesn’t matter to me if you’re broken, or if you’re not the prodigy you once were. After all, it is not the young princess I devoted myself to. You captured my attention as the person you are now.”

“...”

“I’m the Mask Maker, remember? So even if you’re broken, and even if your true face is revealed and the nation turns against you I’ll make you a new mask.” 

For a moment, Azula buried her face within Lio’s chest as if she were trying to hide her face from the world and wrapped her arms tightly around him. Azula was nearly eighteen years old, and she’d spent most of those years entirely self-absorbed and hating the world.

Now she was blushing, and showing interest in the opposite sex, and for some reason this made Aang want to scream. 

Then just as hurriedly, she pushed Lio away and went forward into the caverns and Aang suddenly remembered how to breathe. The stone corridors underneath did not match the ostentatious décor outside at all. 

They walked together in silence, until a painting on the wall caught Aang’s eye, depicting figures wearing tattered black robes with white masks. “Who are they?”

“They are the kemurikage. It’s a long story, beginning in the era of warring states-”

“The short version, if you would,” Azula interrupted.

“They are sad women who became Kami when they died.” 

“Kami? You mean like spirits?” Aang asked. 

“No, they are completely different.” Aang supposed he was getting the long version now. “A spirit is a spirit and a Kami is a Kami, like the difference between self and the no-self. Spirits can be seen, and Kami must be believed in. The spirits do not care whether we believe in them or not. They are just there. They just exist. If this were a temple it would be dedicated to spirits, but this is a shrine.”

“Huh. Aren’t they basically the same?”

Aang was struck again by how little he knew - he who came from a culture of monks.

“What’s the best way to explain this – actually that may not even be necessary…”

But he went on.
He thought it best to outline the fundamentals.

“You just lumped spirit worship and the way of the kami as a religion, but… There’s spiritualism like the air nomads practiced which focuses on self enlightenment, then there’s worshipping the spirits themselves which is a common practice in the earth kingdom. Let’s not forget the shamanism of the water tribe who believe they can commune with the spirits themselves, and even ease their woes and pacy agitated spirits. In most cases when we say religion, we mean a set of teachings - yet the way of the Kami is not a teaching, but a way.”

Teaching. Way.

“In the beginning the fire nation was a group of separate tribes living on different islands, and each one believed the island itself had a soul, a Kami, and they’d build shrines like this to house them. This shrine in particular was built to be a tomb because it is believed that by honoring our ancestors they can remain in this world as Kami after their death watching over us.”

“If the Kami are Kami then, what are spirits?”

“...They’re not human.”  It was a surprisingly simple answer, that became more complicated the more Aang thought about it. “Spirits are not wise, or foolish, they are just different.”

“If we’re going to waste time with all of this blather, why not just announce to the fire sages that we’re here?” Azula said, growing increasingly annoyed as the conversation continued. 

“If you’re so obsessed with the fire nation’s greatness why don’t you care about your own history?”

Aang found himself losing his patience, too.

The cramped space in the tunnels was growing increasingly hot and it was difficult to breathe. There wasn’t room enough for both Azula and Aang.

They were air and fire. 

A volatile mix.
A chemical reaction. 

They ignited the air between them.

“Don’t lecture me on my own nation’s history. History would have it that the only thing I need to learn is tea ceremonies and how to blacken my teeth to please my husband. History can burn for all I care.”

“How can you not care? You may know the names of battles fought hundreds of years ago, but you don’t know any of your traditions.”

“The only people obsessed with tradition are fat old men like my uncle and that’s only because tradition tells them they are great without doing anything to prove it.”

“What’s so great about you? You’re just a murderer.”

“Oh, but Avatar, I thought you already forgave me for that.” 

Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted, and their path was blocked by a great iron double door with a dragon on each door.

“Sozin sealed off any further entry into the catacombs, to seal everyone else off from accessing the historical record of past firelords.” Aylosha explained.

“Why would he try to erase the history of every firelord who came before him?” Aang asked.

He didn’t understand why the fire nation seemed to despise it’s own history. Not when he had to sift through ashes and bone to find some small trace of his own people’s history.

“Dick measuring contest with the other firelords,” Lio said.

“Do not be crude in the resting place of my ancestors. He was clearly challenging himself to be greater than anything that came before him. That’s what people should do, build something better on the ashes.”

“Funny, you think that Azula because so far all you’ve done your entire life is make the world a worse place to live in.”

“Hmm? I don’t remember suddenly being on a first name basis with you, Avatar. You will speak to me with the respect owed to a person of my station, or you will not speak to me at all.” 

“I don’t see why I should respect a person who can’t even remember my name correctly. It’s not Avatar, it’s Aang.”

“Yang?”

“Aang!”

“Chang?”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaang!”

It took Aang a few calming breaths to realize that Azula knew his name, the princess of the fire nation was just being a royal pain. 

Aang did not want to stand here arguing with Azula for one more second. He turned to the doors, on either side there were stone dragons with open mouths. The key was probably firebending in tandem with someone else, but Lio burned themselves with their own fire and he could not imagine firebending in sync with Azula at this moment, or any moment really. 

Alyosha politely asked Aang to step aside, and then borrowed his older brother’s sword. 

Aang as a pacifist would never describe wielding a weapon as a work of beauty - but in that second his mind went completely blank and he simply watched. Like a precision machine, without wasted movement,  Alyosha drew his sword and simply cut away at what was in front of him. 

With three strokes of his sword, cut straight through the steel and made an adequate sized hole in the door for them to walk through.

Alyosha saw the question in Aang’s eyes and answered, “I bent the water from the air and turned it into a thin stream of water on the edge of my sword to cut through the steel.”

“Oh, we did the same thing to cut through the iron supports in that giant drill that Azula used.” 

“So that’s how you did that.” Azula didn’t  look particularly upset at one of the few defeats Aang and his friends had managed to serve her, no she actually bothered to look impressed. 

“Father broke my fingers again and again until I learned to hold a sword properly,” 

Yukine said this like it was a completely normal thing for a teacher to do. “The hard part is bending the blood in your muscles like big sister taught me.” 

“Sorry, Alyosha. If only I hadn’t been banished. You never would have had to touch a sword.”

“Apologies are just mere words. If you’re really sorry, then stop drinking so much.”

“You’re such a good boy I’m not even sure how we’re related. Later, I’ll teach you everything you need to know about women, it’s a big brother’s job to corrupt his younger brothers.” 

“I don’t think you know anything at all about women, considering the girls you like…” Alyosha sighed. 

Azula raised an eyebrow, “What exactly are you implying with those words?”

“N-nothing at all. Y-you look very pretty l-lighting up the darkness like that. G-girls like when you call them pretty, right? Or am I being sexist? I’m n-not judging you by your looks, even if you were ugly you’d have worth as a human being.”

There was something strange in Aang’s expression, that only Azula caught sight of. “Avatar - Why do you look like a child at the beach who just got his sand castle kicked down?”

“It’s just…strange, I feel this way when I watch Sokka and Katara too. We didn’t have individual family units like that in the air temple. It’s good because you can be friends with everyone your own age, but it’s different than real siblings.  So I don’t really understand things like that.”

Azula shrugged, “I don’t really understand either. I just know, you can still live, without knowing a brother or a mother’s love, as long as you know yourself.”

Aang wasn’t expecting that naked honesty. At that moment he realized, he may have have (accidentally) seen her naked but he would never see her truly naked before him. 

They lapsed back into uncomfortable silence again and began walking down the stone corridors as if they were walking back in time, the painted murals on each side of the walls became faded and chipped, and then disappeared entirely as they entered catacombs. 

They arrived at their destination, only to find it was nothing more than an empty crypt with a mound of dirt on the ground.

It wasn’t the grave of the first Firelord that they arrived at, but the supposedly cruel general that Azula’s ancestor had betrayed and slaughtered. They likely gave him a grave out of superstition that he might linger on as a curse if not given a proper burial.

“There’s only one mention of the Kemukirage throughout all of history, and they appear in the  story of the great general that united the country.  Of course my ancestor cut down his children and burned every historical record of him so the only trace we have of him even existed is this grave,” Azula said. 

Aang knelt over the dirt mound and scooped up a little in his hand before letting it fall through his fingers.

“This is dirt.”

He observed.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” 

“I don’t know, why don’t you just meditate on your place in the universe or whatever it is the airbenders used to waste time doing instead of building a proper army, before they were wiped out,” Azula said flippantly, not even bothering to hide her condescension towards the culture her great grandfather eliminated.

“If I’m going to take a trip to the spirit world I might be unconscious for hours or even days, ’ll need a meditation partner to watch over my body.” 

“M-meditating with the avatar? The bridge between humans and the spirits? You want to meditate with m-m-me?”  Alyosha suddenly forgot to breathe and fainted.

Lio watched Alyosha’s head hit the ground, “Poor Alyosha, father put a sword in his hand instead of teaching him the important things in his life like how to talk to girls. Sorry Aangie I’ll have to pass, I’m not into men.”  

That left Azula who immediately turned up her nose at the notion. 

“Zuko didn’t like meditation either, but I thought you might appreciate it Azula, since your firebending is so much more refined than his.”

Azula glared, a gaze hot enough to melt the flesh off of his bones. It was obvious he was trying to swindle her, but her pride wouldn’t allow her to lose to Zuko in anything. 

“I’m not falling for such base trickery.”

“Well, if you want I can always come back with Zuko later.”

“Well, if you really trust me not to kill you when you’re at your most helpless, then fine Avatar. “

Reluctantly, she agreed and Aang sat down at one side of the mount and Azula announced she would show him what real meditation looked like before she sat down on the opposite side of him. Sitting down with her, as a duo, he suddenly felt much more balance. 

Aang squared his breathing. The smell of mold growing on the walls, and sound of ground water falling through cracks in the ceiling above them filled his senses. Azula  adopted Aang’s cross-legged posture, though she kept her hands at the ready instead of touching them to each other.

Together they waited. 

When he opened his eyes, he found himself standing in a spotlessly clean room. 

Aang looked down to see his own hands tinted with a blue glow, a sign that he had not physically crossed over to the spirit world this time. When he looked up he was even more surprised to see Azula leaning against the wall a few shuka from him with her head in her hands and her knees drawn up to her chest.

Not only had he traveled to the spirit world this easily, but Azula followed him here. Her skin was the same shade as her flames, and she was still wearing the dragon mask.

Maybe Zuko was right.

Maybe Azula was good at everything she tried.

He heard a muffled sobbing coming from Azula’s direction and did a double take. Why would she - Aang remembered right then, that the spirit world responded to human emotions and there were many stories of people becoming lost in the fog of their own wretched minds. 

He took a second to look around and found he was in a room with four white walls, with the scent of rubbing alcohol in the air, a sterile environment, like a hospital or… an asylum. 

Aang found Azula’s body very peculiar - it was clearly full ofstrength, muscles wiry yet well-developed and not weak by any means. But, he couldn’t help but feel like she was too thin - so thin that she was like smoke or a disembodied spirit and thus impossible to grasp. Aang wanted to reach out and touch her, but thought better on it because he wanted to keep his hand. Still, she had a frailty like she might disappear any moment.

“Can you hear me, Azula?” Aang asked.

Before Azula could respond, another voice just outside the door said, “Can you hear me, Azula?”

There was someone in the room with them - a woman in a wheelchair. 

“It’s getting awfully boring talking to myself while you stare at the wall like a drooling lackwit. You ignore me every time I come to visit, I’m starting to think you might not like me.” 

Aang recognized her from their brief meeting, it was Li.

Lowering her voice she spoke barely above a whisper, “If Zuko wanted you as a political prisoner he’d throw you in boiling rock, or keep you in house arrest. He’s put you here because he wants to win against you.”

Li wore nothing more than a slip of a white kimono as if she were dressing for a funeral.
A mourner.
Come to mourn Azula who looked like a corpse - no a cadaver. A thing. 

“The thing about Zuko is he’s a loser. Even if he becomes firelord after beating you in an agni-kai he’s still a loser. You need to let him think he’s won. Fall at his feet and beg for forgiveness. He won’t ever love you, but he’ll pity you because that will make him feel superior.”

When Li spoke in such a cold and detached, she almost sounded like Azula herself. The person Azula used to be, before she burned away everything that made her Azula on the day of the eclipse, leaving behind a husk that mistakenly thought it was still alive and still Azula.

“If you convince him that you’re sorry and you can be of service to the dragon throne, then he’ll let you out of here.” 

She was like Azula except for one detail, Azula was a furnace and Li a freezer. From the moment Li appeared Azula had been frozen in place.

“I’m not…”

Azula finally responded, but her eyes were unfocused. They searched the room, for a moment Aang feared she saw him but she went right back to staring at a particularly spot on the wall.

“You don’t really need to be sorry, it’s called lying Azula.”

Li’s words were pure condescension, like she was dealing with a child and a stupid one at that, but without the warmth one usually reserves for speaking with children. There was no warmth in Li whatsoever, Aang would have believed it if someone told him there was no blood flowing in her veins. 

“Do you want to hear a story from the past? When your brother broke my legs, it wasn’t because he found out I was a water bender. It’s because I told him the truth for the first time in my life, and in that moment he was so disgusted he kicked me down the palace steps. The moral of the story is that if you show someone your true face they’ll spit on it.”

A normal person would show even a twitch of sadness, but not Li. While telling her story, she spoke so calmly, it was like she was already dead - as if the thing standing there was a porcelain doll or a lay statue. Am initiation of a human being.

“When Zuko left on his ship the next day, I told my youngest brother Alyosha to give him a hairpin that belonged to my mother. After she died, my father burned everything that belonged to her except for one hairpin I hid. I gave Zuko that pin and a message, to treat that pin like my heart, cherish it, bring it back home safely to me. When Zuko finally came back he didn’t say a single word to me, and I learned from his uncle they pawned the hairpin for a few coins when they were starving. The moral of the story is if you trust someone with your heart, they’ll throw it away like garbage.”

Li wheeled herself next to where Azula sat on the floor, and then crawled out of her wheelchair so she could sit at Azula’s side. She slowly reached out for Azula’s hand. Li’s skin was soft, a noble lady’s hand, lacking in the calluses that most fire benders had. 

“The truth is meaningless. Lie, flatter your brother, bow and scrape before the throne just like I do and I can get you out of here.” Li was holding Azula’s hand, supposedly for comfort but there was no “warmth” in the gesture. “Are you even listening to me? I guess you’re so insane that you won’t even mind if I do this.” 

With no hesitation or restraint, Li broke Azula’s thumb, twisting it backwards until Aang heard a sound like a branch snapping.

The pain and shock had become too much for Aang to watch. Why didn’t Azula defend herself? She was a dragon she should never lose to the snake that had wrapped herself around her body, the snake’s fangs should not have been strong enough to pierce her scales. Why are you letting her do this to you?

Then, Aang thought with slow horror, what else had been done to Azula in this mental asylum that made her passively accept such mistreatment.

“Do you know, in the age of Yangchen the nobles had a game that they played.  They would break a slave’s bones one by one in order. The slaves would beg in tears: ‘Please help me’ and they would bet on how many bones it took, until they cried out: ‘Please kill me.’” 

Crack. 

Li bent Azula’s ring finger the wrong way. 

“How about it? Don’t you want to see how long it would take. To change ‘Give me the throne’ to ‘I don’t need the throne after all’.”

Pop.
She twisted the pinky in an impossible direction. 

Li smiled - a pained and artificial smile.
Weak as she may be, it was an evil smile.

There had been a semblance of kindness in Li’s eyes as she spoke to Zuko in Azula’s defense. Her earnestness looked so real - as did her humility when she bowed in front of Zuko, her devastating and sorrow. Aang had seen many of her faces, and each time Li’s emotions had been painted as flawlessly as any actor’s stage makeup.

He didn’t know which face represented Li’s ‘true self’ but he knew one thing for certain. 

Li was a madwoman.

“I’m not hurting you because it’s fun or because I hate you. I hurt you because I care about you, and because I care I won’t let Zuko or the doctors keep you here any longer. But right now, you have no reason to move. A doll can’t move by itself. Without a string or springs, it can’t act like a human. That’s why, you should just beg for Zuko’s forgiveness like a supplicating peasant, and come serve the firelord. That’s what a doll like you was fashioned for after all.” 

“...”

“Come again?”

“-o good.”

“...I can’t hear you.”

“That’s no good,” Azula said with proper clarity this time and then, she suddenly burst into laughter, as if something restraining her had disappeared and gone. “Bow before my brother? That has to be the biggest joke I’ve ever heard. I wouldn’t bow before little Zuzu, even if you broke both of my legs and turned me into a useless cripple like yourself.” 

“If you were willing to surrender a little bit of your pride, I could save you.”

Azula’s mouth twisted into an expression of malevolence, and spoke with a scorn reserved for addressing an undesirable, “Why would I want an empty life to be saved? I’m my only master and I will bow down before no one. The throne is my destiny, I will never relinquish anything that is mine.” 

“Destiny, huh? I hate that word.  If destiny is real, that means before you were born, it was already  decided who would be sitting on the throne, and who would be bowing down. Do you think your mother knew that you were only destined to be a stepping stone for your brother’s greatness? Maybe neglecting you so you wouldn’t get your hopes up, was her form of kindness.”

Li’s poisonous words, dripping from her fangs like honey, were enough to stop the heart of a dragon, even one that towered over her in size. 

Azula was terrified into dazed silence, unable to utter another world. Li’s words made her consider for a fraction of a second that destiny, like everyone else in her life, had chosen her brother over her. 

The girl that reflected in Aang’s wide, vacant eyes looked like a ghost that had resurrected into someone else’s body. Was that person really Azula? Was she really the girl who killed him? That's how Aang felt. 

“You know another word I hate? Tradition. Do you know why men beat their wives and children? It’s because traditionally men are the heads of the household and they can do whatever they please.  Tradition sacrifices the young,so the old can remain in power even while their bodies rot away. Tradition made a general suggest sacrificing a bunch of new recruits at your father’s war meeting. When your father mutilated your brother’s face, he was just mindlessly following tradition.”

Li’s words were turning her world view entirely upon its head. Her insanity already questioned the world she saw with her eyes, but now she was questioning everything she had ever been taught. 

“A general slept with my mother, and she was the one who was cast out into the streets and forced to become a courtesan because traditionally generals are great men and whores are dirty. The only people who like tradition are fat old men like your uncle who want everything to stay the same, because the world was designed to bend and cater to their needs. Old men like him can can rape and pillage as much as they want, and they’ll still be considered great.” 

They were words that should have been spoken with anger, but Li’s voice remained even. She had been indifferent, threatening, malicious, and cunning but she didn’t show a hint of rage even once. 

Not a furnace, but a freezer. There was no blood in her veins, no flush of life in her face, no sign of emotion besides the ghost of a smile. 

“That’s only bad traditions!” Aang could not help but shout. Tradition was the only way to preserve his culture, what did she understand about the loneliness of waking up in a world where everything had changed?

Then, the most uncanny thing happened. Li turned her head in the direction of Aang’s voice. 

“Good and bad traditions are both the same, both an excuse to keep the world the way it is.” 

There was no way she could have heard him, this was just the spirit world transformed by the recollection of an old memory. Even Li seemed confused, “Wait… who said that? Wow, this place is already starting to drive me crazy. We have to get you out of here.” 

Nothing made sense. In the spirit world everything was an illusion. Time was an illusion, and so was destiny, and so was tradition. 

“You might look down on me, but in the eyes of everyone else we’re the same. We’re rejected by everyone, because we don’t fit into traditional society. That’s why we had to make ourselves into tools so even if we weren't accepted we'd at least be useful.”

The blood was rushing to Azula’s face underneath her half-mask. This wasn’t just fear, but panic. The fundamental sense of horrified anxiety one feels towards something beyond his or her own comprehension. 

She looked away from Li, in her current mental state, she couldn’t bear to look at something so disturbing. Averting her eyes, she said, “That’s a nice speech, did you practice it?”

“Yes. Every day in front of the mirror, I practice when to laugh, when to cry, and when to pretend to be angry. I was so confused when I found out that other people didn’t do this.” 

“What are you…?”

“Me, I'm no one important and I definitely don't have a destiny. In the grand scheme of things just a cog, but a cog has a function. My function is to protect my family and protect the royal family, and in a twisted sort of way you're both. That’s why I’m trying to help teach you to survive, the same way mother helped me…”  

“...PT!"

Azula spat in Li’s face. 

“This drooling lackwit doesn’t need your help.” 

She didn’t spit fire, there wasn’t a single spark left in Azula’s belly. Wet saliva slowly dribbled off of Li’s cheeks. 

 Li reached to touch the wetness on her face, then cleaned it off with a miniscule amount of waterbending. “You’re funny,  Azula. I don’t understand why everyone always stops laughing whenever you try to make a joke.”

She had been all smiles the entire time, but the mirth disappeared off of her face, and her expression was cold as crushed ice. “I’m just a cog, a thing that functions to protect my little brother and the throne, and if you’re necessary for that I won’t give up until you agree to leave this place with me, or I find some way to get you out of here. What about you, Azula?” 

It was a question.

“A doll cannot move anything on its own. Without function, without guidance, it can’t move.”

A terribly knowing, terribly precise, and probably in the entire world, only Li could ask her that simple, clear question.

“What’s your function, Azula? Do you even know anymore?” 

Aang did not know what happened next. Whether or not Azula answered the question. Li disappeared like the mist leaving behind her haunting words. Either Azula could not remember 

Azula was left staring at her own hideously gnarled fingers. After a few moments, Azula lowered her head. Low sobs finally echoed against the white walls, but they were suppressed, just as Azula suppressed the shaking of her shoulders. She did not despair, did not shed a tear, even when Li had broken her fingers. When someone had endured so much suffering that all the tears in their heart dried up, being able to properly feel sorrow was a great mercy granted by the heavens. Azula was unworthy of receiving even this bit of mercy. 

Aang did not know what happened to Azula the day of Sozin’s comet, he had not even been curious. Only now that he saw the corpse of a girl that had been left behind, did Aang start to wonder.

On that day, when that fledgling dragon chained to the ground called out with such sorrow, hoping that anyone could understand her suffering and resonate with her frequency, did anybody hear her lonely cries? 

The fire that had kept her going for the past fourteen years of her life had gone out. She was like a charred corpse left behind after a great wildfire. Noo longer a princess, no longer a prodigy, she was nothing more than a patient, an invalid, an ordinary girl. She was denounced, slandered, abandoned by her older brother and finally left in this hospital to rot. 

Aang looked at her - truly looked at her for the first time. She was pale. Well, okay, fire nation royalty was always pale but up close, it looked like the sun had not touched her skin for ages. Bleached white. To add to that, there was a vague gauntness to her cheeks. In the hot springs he’d noticed he could count her ribs. She was skinny. Bone skinny. Nothing but bones left behind, bleached by the sun.

A brainsick invalid.

Not a corpse, but a cadaver.
Not a cadaver, but a thing.
No longer human.

And yet.

He couldn’t help but think it -  beautiful.

As the girl he saw exposed in the bath, as the girl he watched from the opposite end of the battlefield, they were all beautiful, because they were all her. 

Aang cautiously approached her. Overcome with temptation, he pulled off the mask that hid her despair-filled expression, and pressed a single finger to her face, nudging her slightly and seeing if she would notice him. Her entire body was ice cold - a firebender should not be this cold. 

“Was this what it was like in the mental aslyum? It’s so cold… weren’t you cold? Aren’t you cold?” 

Azula did not respond. 

“Azula, it’s Aang. Your friend. Well, not your friend really, but I’m not your enemy anymore either. We’ve gone like two days without trying to kill each other so that’s progress at least.” 

No, Aang did not think of her as an enemy anymore. The dragon’s fangs had fallen out, and the claws on her body had become feeble and powerless.

“Friend?” Azula only seemed to hear him in little snippets, she covered her ears, as if there were more voices than Aang’s speaking. “No… such… thing…” 

“Please, Azula, I…”

The scar-riddled Azure dragon in front of him, had been mutilated and left for dead.

“Just another figment, don’t even look…”

“Please listen…”

There was a nameless beast in his chest. A new emotion that he could not give a name to. It stirred from the sight of the deep scars, criss-crossing the azure dragon’s body. The scars were so severe and so deep that Aang could see blood, flesh, and bone; could look into the azure dragon’s chest and see her sickly, slowly bleeding heart. 

An ordinary person would have died from such wounds; even if they survived them they would most certainly beg for death. The fact that Azula retained her stubbornness even in a state like this, that she could still scream at him was a sign of her courage.

“They're never coming back, go away!”

At that moment Aang felt like screaming back at her until he accepted his help, but what was the point?

“It has to go away, just like before… just like all the others…”

Azula was like a lost soul abandoned in the mortal realm. One shocking blow after another had left her heart hollowed out and rotted away.

Aang did not know Azula had been this bad. How could Zuko let her get this bad? No, this wasn’t Zuko’s fault, it was his. He didn’t even see the signs when Zuko dragged Azula out of the Asylum and along for their fun little adventure.

How much was she even aware of when she was lost in the forest with the rest of them? Was she still lost? 

He suddenly understood that he understood almost nothing.

Almost.
He understood at least one thing, that Azula had been abandoned, by her father, her brother, and her entire nation. One day she woke up and realized she was all alone, just as Aang had woken up from a one hundred year nap to find the air nomads had all died and left him alone. 

They were the two loneliest people in the world.

As one of them saw the other looking like she was on death’s door, he finally took pity on her telling her, “As it turns out, you aren’t alone in the world.” 

Nah.

There was no way he could confidently pull off a line like that. 

“That’s not true,” Aang said softly, as he took her hands in his just for a moment to provide them with a little warmth. “You can’t get rid of me, I’m too annoying.” 

Aang  got up and walked down that long hallway, looking up to see mold growing on the ceiling. The mold began to spread, from the ceiling to the walls, and the leaking water rained down on his head. 

His eyes opened wide – as he tried to take in his surroundings. All around him was wet moss, where moments before there had been dry stone. 

He sat on a small island in a bog, the water in front of him pitch black. It was impossible to tell at a glance how deep these waters ran. When he stepped into the water, he sank all the way to his knees.

Flowers grew off the trees in a parasitic bloom. Their petals were thick and porous, with a gaping hole in the center that looked like a wide open mouth. Rancid, rotting and rotten, the flowers smelled of the sewage that came out of fire nation factories. There were other flowers that opened as Aang walked towards them, and as their petals unfurled they revealed human eyes in the center of their flower.

There was not a single inch of his body that felt at ease. Knee deep in fungus and rot, Aang felt like fluid inside a festering chrysalis. There was a sea of insects moving in the vegetation, writhing like garbage, that was the entire world that unfolded before him. 

The spirit world he encountered so far was peaceful and still, the way the mind was meant to be during meditation, but here the environment seemed to transform with his emotions. The sight of Azula had confused him and made him question everything he thought he knew, and now the spirit world was a confusing place mired in uncertainty, where he sank deeper and deeper and deeper with each footstep.  It felt disgusting, being surrounded by these creatures that could only writhe and swarm around. And above all else, he was disgusted at himself, the lowest of the low. Just being alive made him want to puke.

Aang was covered in mud and filth, and  likewise the scenery that unfolded before his eyes was a muddy one. He heard footsteps, the gnashing of teeth, and he could hear something getting closer but he could not see their approach.

“Hey, kid. Wake up.”

It was someone he’d met before. It was someone he’d been before. A waterbender wearing the head of a polar bear dog as a cowl, probably one he hunted and skinned himself.

“Oh, it’s just you Kuruk.”

“I know, it’s disappointing. I bet you want to talk to Yang Cheng or Kyoshi.”

Avatar Kuruk.
The avatar that preceded Kyoshi.

Palms slick with fear, he swallowed his scream and took Kuruk’s hand. Kuruk pulled him free of the swamp, and onto solid ground.

“Uh, uhhh...sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.I was just wondering why you’re here, usually it’s Roku.”

“Roku, and Kyoshi won’t talk to you about this.The avatars after me weren’t very happy with what I did. The avatars before me thought I tainted their legacy. Despite my good looks I’m not a very popular guy.  Hey, if your past life hates you does that mean you hate yourself?”

A part of Aang was glad for the levity. Roku was a serious old man, Kyoshi had a strong personality, and he never spoke with Yangchen except for one conversation but her reputation as the previous airbender avatar was a bit difficult to live up to.

She never witnessed the destruction of her culture for one. She got to be raised by the monks to adulthood.

“They had every reason to be pissed. I offended the spirits and made it harder for them to negotiate with them.”

“I don’t understand. What did you do to offend the spirits? You seem like a nice guy to me.”

“I killed them.”

Aang suddenly remembered the damage done to the world, just by killing Tui. Kuruk had not just disrespected the spirits, he defiled them.

“That-that’s wrong.”

“This isn’t an excuse kid, just some advice – sometimes you’re stuck with two wrong choices but you’ve gotta choose anyway.”

There was no way Aang could understand unless he saw the world through Kuruk’s eyes. The very moment he expressed those thoughts, the world he was seeing disappeared and he saw something else.

He was much taller, in a body that felt dangerous and agile like an animal’s staring into the eye the size of a wagon wheel, its iris the color of green moss. The loose optic nerve attached to the eye allowed it to slither on the ground like a snack.

He (Kuruk) made eye contact with a creature whose form he did not comprehend.

Something like tears oozed out of the corners, forming a pool of slime. Several small cuts appeared on his legs. When he looked down, the slime oozing from the creature into the swamp water had razor sharp teeth floating in it. Whatever or whoever this spirit was, it’d already gotten a taste of him and now it wanted to swallow him whole.

There were avatars that were better at the second or third element they learned than their own element. Kyoshi famously preferred airbending enhanced by her fans. However, just like Aang’s first instinct was to airbend, everything about Kuruk, especially his mercurial nature made him one with water.

Just by instinct the water surrounding him rose up and froze into a series of ice spikes just to keep the creature away from him.

There was no art to this sort of bending, it was the extreme ferociousness of a trapped animal, attacking and biting the predator that had it cornered. The fight continued against the monstrosity, able to grow entire limbs from its slime and control the vines around them as lethal weapons, until Kuruk got a lucky shot. He made a water whip and lashed out with water as fine as a razor’s edge, scratching the eyeball’s cornea and blinding it.

The spirit had introduced itself as Father Glow worm, and it seemed ancient and wizened and always spoke with an edge of cunning, yet now it screamed like a beast. The wound in the eye quickly sewed itself together but the spirit was too damaged to continue fighting.

It began to slither away in shame. Kuruk looked down at his own body. He was covered in lacerations. It was only adrenaline that kept him in the fight, and now that it had run out he’d found himself unable to deal the killing blow.

Aang fell back into his own body, the process of which felt like drowning. He had to fight to swim in his own body and remain conscious.

“Wait, why were you fighting a spirit?”

“I wasn’t fighting it, I was hunting it.”

“That’s wrong how can you hunt a spirit? That’s the same as Sozin hunting the dragons! We’re not supposed to harm spirits, we’re supposed to live side by side with them!” 

“That’s right. The avatar is a diplomat to the spirit world, but talking to spirits is like trying to reason with a natural disaster. Can you stop a tidal wave with mere words? When spirits grow resentful, they feel nothing about sinking an entire island, if one fool chops down the wrong tree.”  The way Kuruk described spirits, it was like they were children with too much power, not the wise and all-knowing creatures that Aang once believed them to be, “In my age the spirits were so resentful they caused one disaster after another, entire towns would disappear overnight. If I did nothing, then the spirits would eventually calm down and balance would be restored but in the meantime innocent people would die.” 

These weren’t the spirits the air nomads taught him of, and he didn’t want to think the monks who raised him would ever be wrong. If he was wrong about his own culture then who was left to correct him? 

“Then those are your only choices? Do nothing and let innocent people die, or kill something sacred? Did you even try talking to them?”

“Vengeful spirits are like walking calamities, they’re overwhelming aggressions that disregard everything else but power.” 

“Then, what kind of spirits are the Kemurikage?”

“The kemukirage are former humans…”

“Former humans?” 

 “When the world was divided between the spirit world and the human one the southern water tribe made a pact they’d leave the doorway open so spirits could choose to walk freely in our world. Out of fear they kept it closed, breaking the pact. Afterwards there were only two ways for spirits to enter our world, the first was to willingly become mortal like tui and la. The second was forcing their way through, but when they did they lost their shape and their minds. Spirits who were angered by humans were willing to accept the cost if it meant they could get revenge, creating dark spirits. However, eventually spirits found a third way to walk in this world without giving up their mortality or their mind, and that’s by merging with humans.” 

 “Merging?”

“Yeah, they merge with humans and become something else. I don’t know what you would call the result, maybe a demon, or a revenant. Spirits crawl into the skin of a willing host, that’s how demons like the Kemurikage were created.” 

Kuruk began to tell the story.

“In the era of warring states it was said several women drowned themselves after having their children taking away. Rather than dying, they washed up on shore. They used their powers to enact vengeance, kidnapping the children of enemy soldiers and devouring them.”

“Why would a spirit need to eat?”

“It was probably for the blood. Blood is life, that’s why they eat it. It keeps you going, makes you warm, makes you hard, makes you other than dead.”

“I don’t understand…why would Roku hide this information for me?”

“Because, you’re a good kid who didn’t even want to kill the firelord. He probably didn’t want you to know that once a spirit has mixed with a human there’s no turning them back. The only solution is to cut off their heads.”

“Why is the only choice to kill them?”

“If they’re alive, then they’re probably shedding or drinking blood to fill their contract with a spirit.” Kuruk became more serious, “If the Kemukirage were reborn in this era, they were probably called by someone’s need for vengeance. You either let them have their revenge until they are satisfied, or you stop them.”

“You don’t end the cycle with violence with more violence!”

“Well, I don’t see you offering up any other helpful suggestions!”

“I’m starting to see why all the other avatars don’t like you.” Aang said, even though he knew he was just being childish. “Can I talk to someone else?” 

“You and I aren’t the only ones to deal with this. Kyoshi’s best friend willingly fused with Father Glow Caterpillar for power, and she had no choice but to kill them to end both of their miserable existences.” 

“I thought his name was Father Glowworm.”

“Ssh! Don’t say his real name. Knowing a thing’s name gives it power over you.”

“It’s not a ‘thing’ it’s a spirit, and you just said Father Glow Worm was already dead. So, what does it matter if I say his name or not?” 

“I’m dead and I’m talking to you right now, aren’t I? Just a moment ago you were dreaming that you were me, right? It wasn’t just a dream though was it? For a second, you weren’t Aang dreaming of Kuruk, you were Kuruk.” 

Aang touched his face and felt fresh blood. There was a wide gash on his cheek, exactly where Father Glow Worm had scratched Kuruk in his memories. 

At that moment, Aang didn’t even know if he was truly Aang.

“Time is an illusion, scratch that. Here, everything is an illusion. If there’s no difference here between the past or future, then just the memory of Father Glow Caterpillar could be dangerous.” 

“Didn’t anyone teach you any manners? It’s disrespectful not to call a thing by its given name.” 

A cordial, mellifluent voice rumbled from deep within the swamp. The spirit sighed in a low, nauseating hum that Aang felt in his bones. Aang saw in front of him, something float to the surface of the swamp and open wetly. He found himself staring at his own reflection, reflected in the surface of a giant eyeball, but because of the pitch black pupil he only saw a dark hole where his face was supposed to be. 

Kuruk opened his mouth, and before any sound could come out a tentacle wrapped around his mouth gagging him and then carelessly dragged him underneath the surface.

Even though the creature had no mouth, Aang heard its voice whispering wet and warm at the back of his ear, heard its laughter reverberating in his bones. “I’ve met countless avatars but none of them were as stupid as you. Pray to the Gods and the Budhas that in the next life you’ll be born with a bit more intelligence.”

“You’re not even real!”

“Well, that’s a rather rude thing to say. For the moment I am, and a moment is all I’ll need to kill you.”

Another tendril wrapped around Aang from neck to hip and tried to drag him down like Kuruk. He couldn’t move his limbs, and he couldn’t waterbend to escape.

Aang understood Alyosha’s words in those moments.

Spirits were not humans.

His sense of reason crumbled.

It was a primordial fear.
Divine providence that could not be opposed.
A creature that cannot be understood.
An overwhelming waterfall of force: something that absolutely cannot be reasoned with. 

Right now, that thing that was about to kill him was not something sacred or divine, but the embodiment of raw, unbridled nature. 

There was nothing he could do, he could not even move his fingertips.
So, that’s what it was like to be preyed upon.
A human in front of this life-form, was nothing more than a drop in an ocean of blood. 

Aang wondered what it would be like to die here. To become a husk, feasted on by animals and insects until nothing was left but bones, that would slowly sink into the slime of the swamp and be buried. What would happen to his body in the real world? He’d be trapped inside that body, unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to WAKE UP, and eventually his body would simply stop functioning entirely.

The single eye that made up Father Glowworm’s body watched him, and even though it had no mouth Aang could tell that it was smiling.

Then, a small red flower bloomed in the center of the pupil. A knife, thrown from somewhere unseen, had embedded itself there. Father Glowworm had no mouth, but it still managed to scream loud enough to threaten to rupture Aang’s eardrums. The slime receded just enough that Aang could struggle against the tendrils binding him, and the thrower of the knife smiled.

“Look at that delightful expression. Like that of a ravenous wild dog. I think I understand what the water savage sees in you. You look so cute, crawling around in the dirt like that.”

A resolutely evil smile.

“Avatar, I hate you.” Azula said, though her skin was haunted by a sickly blue blow she looked alive, for which Aang was grateful.. “If only my great grandfather had done a more thorough job of wiping out your people, then I never would have had to meet you. You stole my brother, and took my father’s bending. I hate you, so I don’t want you to be killed by anybody other than me.”

“Oh, hi Azula!”

“Were you listening to a single thing I said!?”

The azure dragon feeling she wasn’t getting the respect she deserved, stomped her feet, but since she could not breathe fire, the beast’s rampage amounted to nothing more than a teenage girl throwing a small tantrum and kicking up a little bit of dirt.

“Uhhhh, I’m kind of busy trying not to get killed.” 

“Yes, about that. You there. Father Firefly.”

“That is not even remotely close to my name.”

“Sorry, she’s bad with names.” 

“Listen, Father Fungus Gnat, the avatar is my quarry. He belongs to me. That is an unshakable fact. I will not let others take away my property. Let go of him, or you’ll face the world’s strongest firebender.” 

Father Glowworm burst into laughter. It had no lids to narrow, but its sphere tilted upwards in the universal direction of amusement. “Girl, do you think this is a game?” 

“Everything is a game,” Azula grinned, the aforementioned evil smile, “I’m three moves away from Tsumi.”

Father Glowworm laughed again. “I know what you’re doing,” it sneered. “And it doesn’t impress me. You’re boasting to buy yourself time. You’re not the bridge between humans and spirits. You’re a firebender with middling talent, who was lucky enough to be born in an era where a monster like me wasn’t around to present a true challenge. You’re so mediocre you aren’t even worth this conversation.”

The eye crept closer. “Go on, try making a single spark. This is my realm, you can’t bend here.”

“I don’t need to bend fire.”

Azula may lie, but she never boasted.

She had Tsumi in three moves.

The first move, drawing the tinder box she stole from Lio from her pocket.
The second move, dragging flint against steel.
The third move she managed to make a spark.

The eye watched her, amused for a moment. For all his wisdom, he didn’t quite grasp that the swamp they were standing in, was filled with highly flammable methane gas.

It was the first lesson any firebender was taught.
A single spark - could make an explosion.

“I am fire!”

It was a chemical reaction between the two of them.
Azula and Aang.
Fire and Air.
They weren’t meant to touch , because when they did, they ignited the air between them and set fire to the entire sky. 

The world became a rush of fire and air and Aang was thrown helplessly back into his body in the real world. 

“WAKE UP.” Suddenly someone was shaking him, shouting in his face.. “Your friend needs help. Wake up.” 

Aang opened his eyes. He was back in the dragonbone cavern, but all was not well. Alyosha was the one trying to shake him awake. Azula was lying on the ground next to Aang, breathing in too rapidly. Even though breathing was the first thing any firebender learned, the world’s greatest firebender could not get enough air to fill her lungs.

“You two were just sitting there silently for hours, and then my brother got bored and joined you in your meditation. Strange things always happen around Lio. One time he went missing for three weeks and showed up completely unharmed, claiming they’d only left the house an hour ago.” 

Aang was not listening to Alyosha babbling in his ear. He was too focused on Azula’s frantic murmurings. “I’ve escaped. I’m not a captive, I’m free… everything is-” 

Aang could see that Azula was currently in the grips of a spirit. Aang didn’t know where this violence came from, but a beast without a name roared from deep within him, vibrating the air so hard that the stone walls shook and the earth groaned underneath their feet like it was waking up.

The spirit’s grip on Azula suddenly vanished. Aang fell down, the winner of the tug-of-war. Azula’s body dropped beside him, and she choked to life once more.

He let her roll around in the dirt, hacking and coughing up until her lungs were clear. Once she came to a stop, he flopped on his back next to her. They were both too tired to even sit up. 

The third person who’d joined their meditations opened one eye. “Are you two alright? You both look very hung over.” 

Neither of them rose. Aang wished he hadn’t seen the spirit world open the window into Azula’s vulnerabilities. There needed to be an effort on his part to understand her. He needed to earn her trust, but instead he’d been shown a secret that Azula probably would not have shared even with her closest friend. 

Azula wasn’t saying anything and that deeply worried him.

“Azula, Azula, Azula!”

“Stop shouting. You aren’t a lost child searching for his mother.”

“I don’t even have a mom.”

“Lucky, you.” Azula looked unsure of what to say, for perhaps the first time in her life. “Avatar…”

“You know, we’ve been to the spirit world and back together. I think you can call me by my first name now.” 

“...Zhuang.”

“Nope.”

“Huang.”

“Try again.”

“Tang.”

“If you have the name of every firelord memorized I think you can remember my name.”

“Hsiang.”

“I know you’re getting it wrong on purpose and I’m not going to let it bother me.”

“Kang.”

“Calming breaths, Aang. You’re not going to let this bother you.”

“Kwang.”

“Okay fine, it bothers me!” 

“Fang.”

“That sounds pretty cool actually. You can call me Fang if you want.”

“Avatar Aang.”

“No wait, call me avatar Fang! That’s way cooler!” 

Chapter 12: Dvoynik

Summary:

This is the first time I tried writing from Ty Lee's perspective and it was a little bit of trouble which is why this chapter took so long, please let me know how I did.

Ty Lee dreamt that she had been replaced by a doll in the shape and size of a human, it looked like her, and talked like her and there was nothing inside. Yet, nobody noticed.  Not only   could they not tell the difference, they all preferred the fake. Lies were always prettier than the truth, after all.

She woke with the disheartening realization that she was still stuck in the infirmary with Zuko and Katara after their brush with the Kemurikage. The tension between Zuko and Katara had been almost unbearable. Not that it was her business. Zuko’s love life was like a volcano that was constantly erupting where everything was on fire all the time. Best to be avoided. 

Her leg was not quite healed yet, Lio’s teeth pierced through her flesh all the way to the muscle. It wasn’t the pain in her legs that kept her here, though. When she tried to get out of bed her body shook with the memory of Lio, of their eyes. Those eyes looked at every line and curve of her body, that wanted to strip her naked and eat her alive. 

That wasn’t the kind of attention Ty Lee wanted. She felt violated. Ty Lee was an actress, yes, but acting was all about hiding, you only showed others the parts of yourself you wanted them to see. 

“Wow, all of these negative thoughts are terrible for my skin…” Ty Lee hugged herself to stop her body from shaking like a foal. 

Desperate for a distraction she noticed Katara stirring in her sleep.

Ty Lee rolled out of bed but her leg spasmed when she tried to put weight on it. She limped to Katara’s bedside instead and started to shake her. 

 “Hey, Cortana. Hey, hey, hey.”

Ty Lee developed a talent, when in the circus she always had to watch the faces of others to judge how well she was performing. When with Azula, she watched every corner of her expression for the slightest hint of displeasure. She noticed then, Katara’s face twist into a horrid expression like that of a wax doll left out in the sun. The sleeping girl’s face melted into liquid fear. 

“I can’t… mother… I can’t breathe…” 

Katara began to claw at her neck, tearing apart her skin and leaving long red streaks. It was like she was desperately trying to pull off the hands of someone strangling her, but no one was even touching her. 

“Wait, Katana, what are you talking about? I’m not ready to be a mother, that’s way too much responsibility.”

Unsurprisingly, Ty Lee’s babbling did little to calm Katara down.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to help you. I don’t really know any crazy people besides Azula, and we’re not really on speaking terms. I didn't let her kill Mai and she had me thrown in prison, you know how royals are complete drama queens.”

 Before she could think of what to do next, Zuko shoved her to the floor and out of the way. 

“See? Drama queen!”

Zuko kept his cool for perhaps the first time in his young life, and wordlessly leaned over the bed and grabbed both of Katara’s wrists. He was quite the gentleman as he tried pinning her to the bed to stop her from harming herself. Katara resisted him, lashing out and scratching the unscarred side of his face. He did not flinch, only tightened his grip but despite the way his height towered over her he had difficulty overpowering her. 

He positioned himself to lean over to try crushing her underneath his weight and finally she stopped resisting. He had her against the bed, her wrists crossed in a facsimile of shackles. Zuko only paid attention to her, she was like the moon devouring the sun. 

He did not have attention to spare for the door opening behind him, and Aang pushing Li’s wheelchair through the doorway. The smile froze on Aang’s face when he saw Katara’s blood, and his overprotective boyfriend instincts kicked in. In his rush to Katara’s bedside, it was Zuko knocked over by a gust of air. 

“Zuko, what did you do?” Aang asked.

Zuko landed on the ground next to Ty Lee. “I didn’t do anything.” 

Aang turned his head, “Katara, what did Zuko do?”

“Why does everyone always assume that I’m the one who did something wrong?” Zuko asked Li.

Li smiled and the room dropped several degrees in temperature, “I would answer that question, but it would hurt your precious masculine feelings and mother always told me to choose kindness over revenge.”

“Then, why don’t you follow her advice?”

Ty Lee did not understand why Li continued to smile at Zuko like he never hurt her. There was no resentment hidden in her words, there was nothing. Then again, Li’s face was unreadable, like a book with nothing written inside. 

“Aangie, it’s fine I just had a nightmare…” Katara trailed off, clearly not comfortable with being worried over. “I'm more worried about you. You were gone for three days, I didn’t know when you were coming back.”

“Three days?” Aang blinked. “No, that can’t… I slept overnight and went to the fire sage temple in the morning - oh no.”

“Let me guess, weird spirit shit?”

“The weirdest spirit shit.”

Katara sighed, she seemed used to being blown off in favor of the spirits.

“Uh-huh… so what were you doing that was so important you left your beautiful, compassionate and understanding girlfriend behind with a jerk like Zuko.” 

“Oh, uh… you know… avatar stuff.” Katara raised an eyebrow and Aang began to sweat. “I was getting into contact with the universe like… hey universe, what’s happening.”

It was obvious Aang was hiding something, but Katara was not raised in the Fire Nation. No one ever told her that nine times out of ten a face a person was showing you wasn’t their real one.

Still Katara didn’t quite buy it so Aang blurted, “I went to the spirit world and fought a worm!” 

“Uh, that’s good honey.” 

“Still, I’m really sorry. At least Zuko was here for you.”

Katara and Zuko were both unable to look at one another. 

Li leaned forward in her wheelchair, “What did the spirits say? Has the royal family lost the mandate of heaven?” 

Aang quickly explained what he saw to the others - to be honest it was a bunch of spirit mumbo-jumbo that Ty Lee didn’t understand, but she nodded along anyway because she didn’t want to look dumb. 

To be honest Ty Lee never was a fan of spiritualism. Auras though, they were totally real.

“That’s not the story I heard of the Kemurikage. The way honored father told it, the wives of the losing army committed suicide by drowning, and dragged their children down into the water with them before returning as vengeful spirits.” 

Li’s aura was pure white. 

In other words, her aura told Ty Lee absolutely nothing. Trying to discern Li’s true nature was like trying to see in a snowstorm. 

“H-how could they do that?” Aang sputtered in disbelief.

“These days vengeance is an idea, a word. Payback, one thing for another, like commerce, but to the previous generation vengeance was a living thing. It moves through the generations. It commands. It kills. Like any god, it demands a sacrifice.” 

Li said, her expression unchanged.

She continued, “The Kemurikage are just one story, there are countless tales of humans making the ultimate sacrifice to return as a vengeful spirit. The Hashihime of Uji  in The Tale of the Heiki’s ‘Book of the Sword’ tells of a noblewoman so consumed by jealousy of another woman that she spent seven days at Kifune Shrine praying to become a demonic entity. The deity Kifune then instructed her to take on a monstrous form and submerge herself in the Kawase River in Uji for twenty-one days after  she became a demon who haunted the people she envied to the deaths.”

Li effortlessly recited all of this with her eyes closed. 

“There’s one record in the Szeto era - specifically year 757, when the spirit of Tachibana no Naramaro, who died in prison, spread baseless rumors that ended up inciting a riot. Then in March of the third year of the Yangchen era - the year 772 - Princess Inoe was accused of putting a curse on the fire lord, and both she and her son, Crowned Prince Osabe, were stripped of their titles in May of the same year. One the two of them died under mysterious circumstances three years later, strange things started occurring within the firelord’s court. Those unfortunate cursed individuals die, they wreak havoc, and eventually they become worshipped as spirits.”

“You sure know a lot about our bloody history,” Zuko observed.

“A girl has to have hobbies, you know,” Li smiled, and Ty Lee shivered.

“I don’t understand, why would someone be so desperate to kill themselves just for something as petty as revenge?” Aang asked.

“I suppose it is petty, but you know you may be the avatar but you’re just one person. One person, in a world filled with a million, billion other people. You’ll never truly meet most of the people you encounter, and you’ll struggle to understand the feelings of your closest friends. So, why do you think you can judge someone you’ve never met, for something they did when they were desperate?” 

“Ugh, I don’t know anything!” Aang whined, “Why does everybody know more about spirits than me?”

“These are just old fire nation stories. Didn't the airbenders have their own stories?” Li seemed innocent enough in asking, but the question was a bit insensitive considering the fire nation's history. 

“I don’t know and there's no one left to tell me. It's just me and I don't know how to calm these spirits.”

Katara tried soothing him, “It's not just you. We’re all here to help you with this, and Zuko too I guess.” 

Ty Lee flinched, she understood the waterbender suddenly more than she would have liked to. It was difficult living with that bone deep sensitivity that made you want to take care of others before yourself.

That sensitivity did not necessarily make you a good person, merely soft. 

“The Kemurikage aren’t spirits, they’re bloodbenders.” Zuko dismissed Li’s theory. “One of them nearly killed Katara. You should have been by her side, not off in Shangri-la-la land.” 

“You fought a bloodbender? But you're the best waterbender in the world and you can only blood bend on a full moon. You're also the best girlfriend in the whole world, and the prettiest-”

“Aang, I get it you're sorry.” Katara didn’t look particularly flattered, just embarrassed. 

“That's only for bending blood inside of the veins.” Li expelled a cold, corpse-like breath. “Maybe they’re draining people of blood so they can have a ready supply available to use as a weapon.” 

“But, Kuruk told me that people who fuse with spirits consume blood in order to keep living even after death.”

“Then, we have two competing theories. A bloodbender, or a vengeful spirit. We should split up again to investigate both," Li said.

“Since when are you the one giving out orders?” Zuko said, indignantly. “I’m the firelord here. This is a crisis affecting the entire fire nation.” 

“Are you the firelord? All I see is a prince practicing his pouting skills."

“If you hate me, you can just say it.”

“It would be easier if I hated you, wouldn’t it? You act on the assumption that  everyone hates you. You’re the most powerful man in the fire nation, but you act like a bullied schoolboy. Well, if I went to your school I would have bullied you too," Li scolded him like an adult talking down to a child.

“You really think you can say whatever you want.”

“If you find my words so offensive then hang me for treason, otherwise stop complaining. I’d rather be thrown down another staircase than be forced to listen to any more of your whining.”

“Fine, I think we should split up and investigate more tomorrow after Katara’s fully recovered.”

“Avatar, Aang If you have nowhere else to stay you’re free to stay at the Karazokov manor.” Li casually extended an invitation to Aang.

“Yes, let's go right now. Anywhere’s fine as long as it’s far away from Zuko..” Katara said.

“Oh,” Li gasped,“You two couldn’t be thinking of sleeping in the same house before marriage, could you? You’re going to make me blush.” 

There was no hint of flush to Li's skin at all, it was like the blood in her veins was frozen.

“Oh, right!" Aang blushed, "We should really respect their culture. It’ll only be for a few nights until we have this solved, and you can stay in the palace with Zuko until then.” 

“With that jerk? 

“With that jerk? I mean with me?”

Katara and Zuko said at the same time. 

“Yeah, then you both can stop fighting and make up, and I won’t have to deal with whatever argument you guys had this time," Aang said.

He was so precious. Ty Lee wished he could read the room a little better, such a sweet child didn't deserve to get his heart stomped on. 

Ty Lee noticed finally that no one had spoken to her in a long time. “Um, hello, what am I supposed to do?”

“Nothing.” Zuko said, “You’re just a spoiled rich girl playing at being a kyoshi warrior. If I need help, I’ll ask Suki.”

“What? I’m totally helpful. I’m a helper.” Zuko ignored her. “Kapena, tell him. We worked together to follow that bloodbender didn’t we? I’m different from how I was during the war, I’m nice now.” 

“Nice? " Katara scoffed, incredulous. "What does that mean? Nice is nothing. “Being nice” isn’t the same thing as doing good.”

That was Ty Lee. A wind-up doll who danced and performed for others, but with nothing inside of her. A girl who was not kind, only soft.

Ty Lee was just about to make her exit stage left and go looking for Suki, when the door opened a final time bringing one more unexpected guest.

Mai stood there in the doorway, coldly observing the room. “Zuko…”

Then, as soon as she noticed the people Zuko was surrounded by, she sharply turned around on her heel, slammed the door behind her and disappeared without another word down the hallway. 

“Well, aren’t you going to go after her?” Li prompted Zuko.

“Why? I’ll probably only make things worse.” 

Ty Lee forgot about reporting to Suki and went after Mai. She may have been holding the secret of seeing Mai alone after curfew on the night of the murder, but that wasn’t the reason why she needed to speak with Mai. She wanted to go where she was needed, and it was clear the Kyoshi warriors did not need her. 

Ty Lee borrowed a crutch before leaving to pursue Mai. Outside the palace she spotted Mai in the distance and followed her to the residential district. There she almost lost Mai in the crowd, when for a moment she was distracted by the spectacle of Caldera City. The city where the people move, never stopping, with their smiling and content faces, all of them dolls as fake as anyone else with no real purpose.

Or maybe they did have a real purpose: to fool around. To try to sparkle, to live brightly, to deceive themselves into thinking they were some kind of main character and not just one person easily lost in a crowd.

The collective footsteps of the throng broke Ty Lee out of her musing, and she found Mai again,  but  Mai did not stop even when Ty Lee began to call her name. 

Which was just, so typical. 

The three of them used to play hide and seek when they were younger, and Ty Lee was always the last to be found. As soon as Azula found Mai the two of them would go off and play something else and forget about her. 

They might think themselves better than her, but she’d done the one thing they never could. She escaped. Maybe that was why Azula set fire to the safety net under Ty Lee’s feet, because she hated people who tried to be free. 

When Ty Lee tried to run away, her mother had caught her packing, but she didn’t try to stop her. She only shook her head in that disapproving motherly way, and told her that the gravity of Caldera City was too powerful to escape, but Ty Lee had done it. 

Friends, family, responsibility, that was all just gravity, Ty Lee did not want to be tethered to the ground her whole life so she ran. 

She ran away to the circus, ran away with Azula, and ran away with the Kyoshi warriors. As she followed Mai she did not know for sure if she was running towards something, or away from it - she just knew she couldn’t stand to sit still. 

As she turned the corner the crutch was kicked out from underneath her. She fell forward, and an unseen assailant twisted her elbow behind her back to pin her down. 

“Hey Mai, who’s your new friend? She seems spunky!” Ty Lee smiled, even as her face was shoved into the ground. 

Mai stopped, and sighed, “If you’re going act like a clown, you can at least be funny.”

“I am funny, to people who know how to laugh every once in a while.” 

“Laughter, what’s that? Oh, you mean those strange sounds that commoners make with their mouths when they’re amused?”

“Haha, now seriously can you tell Grushenka to get off of me? My body is very ouchie right now.” 

 “...Um, I’m Katya.” 

“You guys are twins, how am I supposed to tell you apart? I’m surprised she’s not here right now, does the umbilical cord between you two really stretch that far?” 

“D-do you really think we look alike, though? Grusha’s always saying I’m the ugly twin. A-actually, most of the time she tells people that she find me in a cardboard box on the side of the road.”

Ty Lee had six identical sisters so she hardly had room to talk, but Katya and Grushenka were the kind of twins that acted like they were conjoined at the hip even when they weren’t. The creepy kind. 

Mai sighed, and ordered Katya to help Ty Lee up.  It was strange seeing Mai give commands like that. Like Azula. Mai had always been more like a knife, a tool sharpened to be wielded by someone else. 

“Why were you meeting up with the Ma Twins past curfew?”

Mai turned her head finally, acknowledging Ty Lee with a backwards glance. “So, you saw me.” 

The “Ma” twins were named because the names their father had given them both contained the character for “real/genuine.” They were Mai’s cousins, by marriage but not by blood. 

Mai’s family surname was once “Fujiwara”, one of the four remaining great noble families. The Fujiwara consisted of one main family where the first born son inherited the title of head of the family. Ukano was only the second born son, but his older brother was disgraced when the “Ma’ twins were born with blue eyes that revealed their mother’s affair with a water bender and he was chosen to inherit instead.

The twins were named “Mai” and “Makoto” by their stepfather, and “Grushenka” and “Katya” by their mother. When their father lost his inheritance they were relegated to the branch family, and raised with the expectation that they would serve the main family. 

“I-it was probably my fault we were caught. M-my sister is always complaining about how I breathe too loud: ‘Can you just stop breathing, already? Actually, stop existing please.’” Katya, quiet, docile, and perpetually unsure of herself, seemed a perfect fit for the role she was born into. “W-what should we do with her?”

“We’re going to slit her throat, and throw her in the harbor for the fisherman to discover in the morning, obviously.”

“Th-that’s uh, n-not a very nice way to treat your friend. N-not that I have any friends.”

“I’m being sarcastic.”

“It’s um… really hard to tell. C-can you remember that I have a stupid brain, and only give me non-sarcastic orders from now on?” 

Mai ignored her, “Ty Lee, why didn’t you tell Zuko?”

“Well, I’m your friend, not Zuko’s.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Um, do I really need to explain to you how friendship works Mai? When two people love each other very much in a non-sexy way… though sometimes things can get sexy between friends too-”

“Shut up, Ty Lee.”

“Shutting up.”

“Azula isn’t forcing us to spend time together anymore. So, why are you still here?” Her words sounded troubled, but Mai looked unconcerned as always. Her expression never really changed. Mai wasn’t going to reveal a special face that she’d never show to anyone else, and she was never going to ask Ty Lee for help. 

Ty Lee thought about this constantly. What if Azula had asked for her help?  What if on that day at the circus she needed someone, not a servant, not a sycophant, but a friend? 

Their friendship had always been precarious but there used to be a safety net, a guarantee that if one of them fell the other would catch it. There was a net, but it burned. Azula was the one who lit the fire, so why did Ty Lee feel guilty? 

“It’s just… you know… you get used to certain people in your life always being by your side. You want to be there for them, to help them, you don’t need a reason, it's just because.” 

Mai remained quiet, and Ty Lee noticed when she stayed expressionless like that her face truly resembled that of a doll. So much so, Ty Lee was caught by surprise when Mai blurted out, “Do you trust me?”

“Well, that’s my good point. I’m dumb enough to trust anybody.” 

Mai invited Ty Lee back to her mansion. It was the first time in months they’d spent in each other’s company.

Contrary to popular belief, Mai’s household  was not continually abuzz with hundreds of servants. There were no diligent maids milling about, nor did Mai have any handmaidens rushing to attend to her needs as she entered. For the sake of privacy, all but the bare essentials had been forgotten, a small staff that kept mostly out of sight, and a nanny to hand Tom Tom off to. 

When Ty Lee reached Mai’s bedroom, she was not expecting to find a man waiting there for her. She was also not expecting that man to be gagged and tied to a chair. 

“Hey cuz, how come I have to watch the prisoner? Just because I dress like this and have complicated feelings about my father doesn’t mean I’m into older men.” 

Grushenka was standing there - the mirror image of her sister. A pair of black haired dolls, identical in every way. They even had all the same scars. Katya had gotten her face burned in a house fire, and a few weeks later Grushenka was burned in the exact same place in a training accident. 

The sight of the two of them standing next to each other made Ty Lee want to crawl out of her skin. She felt the same way whenever she was near one of her sisters. 

“I’m the one who followed him from a new Ozai society meeting to a bar. I’m the one who slipped something in his drink, and carried him all the way here. The least you could do is make sure he doesn’t escape,” Katya could not quite bring herself to meet her sister’s eyes as she made a weak attempt to stand up for herself.

“All you did was follow orders like any well-trained dog. Isn’t my dear sister so well behaved? She knows how to roll over and beg too, want to see?”

“I’m j-just saying…” 

“Did somebody you’re allowed to bark? Stand down, dog, or do I have to put you through some more training?”

“N-no training please.”

Ty Lee winced. Katya and Grushenka had not changed at all from their academy days. 

The Ma Twins were an easy target for bullies when they were shipped off to the academy long ago with their blue eyes and hard to pronounce names, but for Katya her biggest bully was her sister. The two of them had once been equals, both treated as little more than servants by their step father but when Grushenka showed talent as a firebender she gained favor with her father. In order to maintain that position she constantly put her sister in her place. 

Many at the academy shook their heads when they saw Grushenka bully the girl who shares her sister’s face, but no one said anything, not the teachers, not the students, not Ty Lee. 

“I remember telling you, not Katya, to find and interrogate someone from the New Ozai Society,” Mai reminded Grushenka. 

“Mindless drudgery is Katyawork. I'm an artist.”

There was a cloth covering Mai’s make-up table. Grushenka pulled away the cloth to reveal a collection of knives, all shining and pristine. From the bruises on the man’s face and the broken skin on her knuckles it seemed that Grushenka had limited herself to roughing him up with her hands so far.

“I make things, and these are the instruments I use to make the music happen.”

“Those are my instruments…” 

Mai complained, as if Grushenka taking Ma’s knives without permission was the only thing wrong with this situation. 

With Grushenka’s volatile personality, the smallest spark could lead to combustion. In a sudden explosion of manic energy she jumped into the man’s lap, like a particularly aggressive courtesan trying to convince a customer to return to her room with her and twisted her fist into his stomach hard enough to make the man sing for her.

If her victim was uncomfortable with their sudden intimacy, Grushenka failed to notice. She was suddenly obsessed with his physicality, fingertips brushing his horribly bruised and misshapen face. Grushenka squeezed her legs around the man’s hips, climbing the man so she could look at him face to face and then she sucked on her finger until it was wet with her saliva and used it to try cleaning some of the copious amounts of dried blood that had crushed on his face. 

“Poor baby. All these little cuts and bruises just bring out the mother in me. Not that I know anything about mothers, because mine was a huge hoe who ditched me,” Grushenka said sucking on one of her blooded fingers, but in spite of her mothering the man’s gaze was nothing but hostile. 

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t even want to be here, and I’m not talking about this room, or this city, I’m talking about the whole damn fire nation. The avatar should have wiped us all out like we did to the airbenders, but no we’re both alive, and we’re both stuck here until you tell me what I want to know.” 

Grushenka shifted the way she was sitting in his lap again, grinding against him, but when he showed no reaction her face fell. “Ugh, this is why I can’t stand older men, they’ve got absolutely no stamina.”

She stood up once more, and grabbed his top knot pulling on his scalp and forcing him to meet her eyes, “You better not finish too fast old man, otherwise you’ll be dead and I’ll be bored.”

“I’ll be dead of old age, by the time you’re done. I can feel my skin wrinkling as I slowly transform into my mother,” Mai complained, as if Grushenka taking her sweet time was the only thing wrong with this situation. 

“Now, we’ve only done the five basic torture groups.” Grushenka said, as she got down on her knees in front of the man and rested her head in his lap, tapping her fingers on the inside of his thigh. “We’ve done blunt, but that still leaves sharp, cold, hot, and loud. How about we switch to sharp next.” 

“Ick, no. I don’t want dirty old man blood on my knives.”

“Guess we’re switching to hot.” Grushenka got off of her knees and leaned over the man, beginning to untie his robes. She slipped her hand in between his inner robes and skin, and spread her five fingers wide, pressing the flat of her palm to his stomach. “Did you know back in the day, nobles would brand their slaves with their own handprints as proof they owned them, or was it their lovers they did that too?”

Ty Lee tried not to think of the words ‘searing’ and ‘flesh’ as the man’s exposed skin began to bubble, and smoke rose from the heat of their skin to skin contact. 

“Well, slave, lovers, same thing really.”

Before Grueshenka could start to burn out of control someone poured cold water on her. Katya grabbed her sister’s arm, yanking it away, “Grasha, wait…”

“What are you doing? You got a crush on him or something? Do you have a thing for gross old men now, because dad didn’t love you enough?” Grushenka extinguished the fire in her hands, but she curled her fingers into a fist and let her skin begin to sizzle black smoke rising from her clenched fist, a clear threat to her sister. “If he wants the pain to stop he should just stop torturing me like this and talk already!

“You uh… you left the gag in.”

“...Oh, whoops sorry about that. I forgot that this wasn’t a monologue.” Grushenka said, and untied the gag and removed it from his mouth. “So, what’s your name, cutie?” 

“T…T…Taro…p-please, I’ll tell you anything.” 

“Oh wow, obedient and pathetic. How did you know that was exactly what I was looking for in a man? Now what’s your leader’s name, Taro?” 

“Princess Azula.” 

“Alright, that’s good enough. Should we put the gag back in?” Grushenka reconsidered, “You know, on second thought I want to hear him scream.” 

“Grushenka.” Mai spoke her name like a command.

“Yeah, what’s up cuz?”

“He’s more useful alive. He could introduce us to the New Ozai Society and we can see for ourselves if he’s lying.” 

Grushenka looked like she had calmed down only to sit in that man’s lap one final time, wrap her arms around his neck and bring her lips to his ear, and then bite straight through his earlobe. He screamed one final time in response to her kiss goodbye, and Grushenka, looking thoroughly satisfied stood back up and spit out his chewed up earlobe onto the ground. 

“Sister dearest, could you put him in a cell and then break into his home and make it look like he decided to take a conveniently timed trip to the colonies. Oh, and my boots need scrubbing they’re covered in bourgeois blood.” 

“W-what? I’m s-supposed to do that all by myself?”

“W-w-w-w-what? I can’t understand you. We’ve only been living here all of our lives, learn to SPEAK FIRE NATION ALREADY!” 

Katya’s head fell in resignation. 

Up until that point Ty Lee had been invisible, but then Grushenka’s eyes shone on her like spotlights. “Oh, hey Ty Ty. Why are you still in costume? I thought you quit the circus.” 

Ty Lee looked down, she wasn’t even wearing the Kyoshi Warrior armor. “What are you talking about, these are my normal clothes pink like my feelings. I guess pink isn’t really a feeling, I just resonate with the color pink on a spiritual level.”

“You should just take it off. Everybody already knows.”

“Okay, still having to explain wherein this is just my outfit.” 

Grushenka simply smiled curling her pretty, painted-on lips. 

People hated to look in the mirror, that was why they were unsettled, by identical twins, and by dolls that resembled them. Ty Lee hated mirrors, she hated her sisters, anything that reminded her of herself, and  at the moment she hated Grushenka. 

A girl hurting others with a smile, and without a single thought in her head.

Katya knocked the man unconscious and dragged him out, finally leaving Mai and Ty Lee alone. 

Katya too, a cowardly girl who only seemed capable of hiding in her sister’s shadow, a parasite with no identity of her own. Ty Lee hated both of them, both of them pretty dolls with absolutely nothing inside just like her. 

Mai always kept the curtains to her bedroom drawn so no sunlight could get in. The dim room had a low ceiling and it contained dolls of various sizes: antiques, replicas, ball jointed dolls, the works. Michi had started to buy her daughter dolls a long time ago, and because Mai never told her mother she disliked the gifts, her mother kept buying them until Mai had a whole collection.

They all had their eyes closed and were sitting on a couch, or in a glass case aligned with the wall, or lined up on shelves. All of those empty imitations, all of those dolls simply sat there watching and gathering dust. 

Mai walked over to a sturdy wooden chair and closed her eyes when the man was gone, clasping her hands together to rest her chin on the back of her thumbs. When Ty Lee approached her to talk, she held up a finger - Mai’s way of telling her to be quiet. 

“My father was framed.” 

“How come you and Azula always start out with courtly intrigue and espionage. It’s never like, hey Ty Lee, how have you been? I just broke up with my boyfriend of two weeks. Do you even care?”

“I weep for you.”

“Really, because you’re kind of making the same face as always.”

“My father is in prison and he might have been framed, and my mother locked herself away in her room and is being completely useless. Can we talk about something besides Ty Lee for five seconds?” Mai spoke about her miserable situation with a lot of distance, like it had all happened to someone else.

“Sorry.” 

“My father asked to meet with me in prison. He told me the letters between him and the New Ozai society found in his desk were planted.” 

“...And you believe him? He seemed pretty desperate when he lost the New Ozai Colony.” 

“Father was never particularly loyal to Ozai. If anything, he was in a better position when Zuko took over. Even after we broke up, my father kept pushing me to get back together with Zuko. He seemed dead set on sucking up to Zuko.” 

“Mai, if you’re so much smarter than me can you stop and think for a second? You have some guy tied up in your basement.” 

“He’s not just some guy, he’s a political enemy of Zuko’s.” 

“Oh, please tell me you’re not still in love with Zuko. I don’t think I can handle you guys breaking up a third time.” 

“Listen, the Karzokov are the right hand of the royal family and the Fujiwara as the left hand. We’ve always handled jobs like this, it’s why my other Uncle is a prison warden. Traditionally a member of our family is appointed to be the firelord’s spymaster - Grushenka’s father would have usually handled an investigation like this but he died a few months ago.” 

“Mai, you hate the aristocracy, and the court, and your parents, and smiling, and sunshine, and pretty much everything else so why are you playing their games?” 

Ty Lee waited for Mai to tell her that this was all a big joke. That she didn’t care about politics. That to her the nobles were all rotting corpses clothed in beautiful silk.

“Because someone tried to fuck me.” Mai said, losing her composure for a moment it was strange like when you thought you saw a doll turn its head out of the corner of your eye, “There’s someone trying to take something from me and the only way not to lose is to play the game better than anyone else.” 

Caldera city presented a veneer of opulence, but the aristocracy were committed to a system of social one-upmanship they called the game. Sprawling receptions delighted friends and foes and noble families put on a show in public, while servants of those same families struck from the shadows with insinuation, larceny, and assassination. While political and familial infighting took place in the backrooms, the nobility put on a show for the public, all of them wearing false faces. 

In order to rise in the decadent fire nation court and among the bloated upper class, much was permitted. The unwritten rule was simply this: all is accepted as long as the player is not caught, up to and including murder. 

“Mai, can you look in a mirror please? You’re not actually a vampire, you just really like dark colors, so you should be able to see your reflection.”

“What about you? Do you think standing up to Azula once means you’re a good person now? All that means is, you could have always stood up to her from the start but you didn’t.”

She did not try to stop Grushenka either. The entire time she watched, standing completely still like a doll with nothing inside of her unable to move without someone else pulling on her strings. If Mai was cold, then what was Ty Lee exactly?

Mai threw herself onto the bed. A regular teenager would have grabbed her pillow and screamed, but Mai just lay there unmoving like a life size doll, a lifeless thing sleeping atop the bed. 

“I don’t regret what we did. I would have done anything for Azula. For both of them. Zuko didn’t even ask me if I wanted to betray the fire nation with him, and Azula she never asked for anything she just took. Either way they both left me with nothing.” 

Ty Lee realized right then why Mai had betrayed Azula. Why Mai had twisted the knife. It was only because in Mai’s world, Azula had done it first. She gave her heart to both of the royal siblings and both treated her heart as an object, treating her as a pretty doll to be enjoyed at their leisure - no different than her parents had. 

“Everyone treats me the same, they’re all so boring. I’m not some doll for other people to play with and then leave on the shelf. When my father told me he was framed, the truth is I didn’t really believe him. I just thought…”

Ty Lee noticed something strange about Mai’s mouth. Her lips were twitching, oh no, she was smiling. The sight was startling, like a doll with a porcelain face and painted on expression had suddenly smiled at her.

“I thought if I followed this thread, then something interesting might happen.” 

Mai didn’t want to continue gathering dust, like those empty dolls she kept trapped in their glass cases. She did not want to continue existing aimlessly, like a wind-up doll conducting some bad facsimile of humanity. 

As for Ty Lee, she though Mai had not asked for her help, she knew the girl needed her regardless. For once in her life, someone needed Ty Lee. That responsibility excited her. And terrified her. 

Chapter 13: Azula (not) Alone

Summary:

Let's finally catch up to what Azula was doing during the three month time skip.

 

Where did we leave off in Azula's fight against the Mother of Faces again? 

Oh, right. 

The Mother of Faces was an unfathomably powerful spirit. She controlled everything in these woods, which meant the whole forest was angry at her. The mother was thousands of years older and wiser.

Her only advantage: She was Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation. 

“Well then.” She said, “Let’s play.” 

Let's continue our story of history from where we last left off with Azula.
Azula's story.
The story of her life until she caught up to Aang.
Until the moment her life changed. 

Three Months Ago

There was enough fire inside of Azula to burn the world, but until now she had chosen to not to let it out.  

At this moment though, she was at war with the world herself. The same way her great grandfather decided to wage war on the four nations and every person in the world, Azula fought a spirit that seemed woven from the fabric of the world itself. 

The Mother of Faces was not a spirit who hid herself deep in the forest of the forgetful valley choosing only on occasion to reveal herself to humans. She was the forest, he branches her fingers, the tree trunks her skeleton, the bark her skin, the complicated network of roots spread far and wide in the ground underneath her blood vessels, she suffused the entire forest with her being. 

 How could she fight such an opponent? She might as well fight the sun, or the moon (Zhao already tried that and he failed). It wasn’t humility that caused Azula to turn around and run, because that was one lesson the genius refused to learn. She did not know how to lose, nor how to give up. Retreat wasn't an admission of loss, it was a tactic. Precipitous heights: If the enemy has occupied the heights, retreat and try to lure them down or away.

So she tried to run, but the ground beneath her feet trembled and shuddered and writhed like a thing alive. Then, the plantlife came to life once more, bending, twisting, shaping itself to the Mother’s hateful whim. She had mastery over the entire forest, and used the vines growing along the ground to ensnare Azula.

The Mother of Faces appeared as a creature whose shape and form was unintelligible to Azula’s euclidean, human mind. She was covered in hair, and as she got closer Azula realized that what she thought was vines entangling her legs was the spirit’s long hair.

The Mother raised her “head” and Azula saw an expressionless Noh Mask. The mask broke in half, and Azula saw a face with mushroom caps growing in the place where her eyes and mouth ought to have been. The trees where The Mother stood began to shake, their branches growing and flowering. From those flowers, growing like fruit, were human faces. . The faces of Zuko, her mother, her father, Mai, Ty Lee, The Water Tribe Girl, everyone who witnessed Azula’s personal humiliation. 

Azula was losing her grasp on reality, when the eyes of the heads opened wetly like genitals, to say hello.

They whispered in Mother’s voice.

“Sorry.” 

"I."

"Didn't."

"Love."

"Love."

"You."

"Enough." 

"You."

"You."

"Monster."

"Monster."

 

Azula finally let go, reality slipping between her fingertips, and Azula was again spiraling in free fall, like the day her and Zuko both fell off the airship and no one even bothered to catch her.

Between the tree branches she could not even see Lio anymore.

No, perhaps they had never been real in the first place. 

Her diaphragm shivered, as if she were about to cry. The stars above her flickered above her like fire as tears blurred her eyes. The black smoke rose up above the trees to blot out their light, lit up by dancing flames, deadly and luminous. It was a beautiful burn, crimson and god licking up in tendrils in the softly dark sky. 

The red flames spread, like hot, boiling blood, gushing wildly from the forest’s open wounds, and if a world could cry it surely would. The earth began to shake like it had gone mad, and in an all too brief moment it was over. The faces were gone, and so to, was The Mother. 

The strategy that Azula told Lio was simple: if the entire forest was the spirit’s body, then burn everything and salt the earth with the ashes left behind. Lio set fires all around while Azula drew the spirit’s attention away.

As the world burned, that crumbling horizon, warped by the heat of the flames… she’d never seen anything prettier. Azula wondered if this was what she would have seen if father had taken her with the day of Sozin’s comet, and she had opened her mouth and screamed blue fire at the world below.

Just when Azula was about to let go of this reality entirely, they appeared, taking her by the hand and pulling her back. A half-melted face appeared in her view upside down as they stood over her fallen form.

“Hello, lover,” Lio said.

“Hello, Lio.” 

Except Lio didn’t appear, they were always there, never having left her side in the first place. She wasn’t alone. They took their sword, and began hacking away at the weeds that tied her limbs. She wasn’t alone. As the Mother of Face ran away, disappearing like her own mother, Azula’s mind was elsewhere. She wasn’t alone. What a strange thing to be grateful for.

Then, Lio  lifted her in their arms, intent on carrying her off somewhere.

She didn’t know where they were going, but she did not want to journey there alone. So much so, Azula's eyes closed, that it makes me want to cling to you like a child. 

She remembered Lio carrying Li on his back all the way home on a warm summer day.

Was this how it felt? 

It was warm as she clung to Lio.
So warm she wouldn’t mind burning away right now. 

Azula never surrendered to anyone, or anything before this, but now when sleep threatened to take her she did not resist it. If she’d ever fallen asleep cradled in the arms of her mother like this, she didn’t remember.

The time that passed while she slept disappeared like a forgotten dream. Azula escaped the forest and its maze of shadows to a place where it was quiet, and bright. She found herself thinking, there’s a world like this? 

Then the cart carrying her hit a pothole, and she woke up instantly when her head bounced on the cart’s bottom. Where was she? The princess who used to sleep in finest silk sheets paid for by the earth kingdom’s stolen wealth found herself laying in a bed of straw. 

The sudden awareness squashed whatever lingering peace sleep had brought her, and she sat bolt upright. She noticed someone else was lying on the other side of a tall stack of hay. 

That person had their left leg crossed over their right and lay with their arms pillowed behind their head, taking a rest. They were good-looking in a devilish way, with eyes as dark as a starless night sky. They wore casual, maple-red clothes of high quality make, trimmed in gold

That tight pair of black boots on a pair of long legs was a sight pleasing to the eyes. No wait, no time for distractions… 

“Did I win?” Azula asked Lio.

“She ran away, spirits aren’t immortal, just incredibly long lived. They don’t like pain, or reminders of their own mortality, that’s for us foolish mortals,” Lio said.

Azula narrowed her eyes, “Since when did you become such an expert on spirits?” 

“I know things," Lio said unhelpfully. 

“How did you always manage to know exactly where you were going in the forest?”

“I’m the Mask Maker, I know things.” 

Or maybe they were Mask Maker now. They’d replaced the mask on their face, and Azula was staring at a half mask that obscured Lio’s scars, but not their crooked, stitched together, half-grin.

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

“I’m surprised it took a genius like you this long to figure it out.”

Azula clicked her teeth, “Can you be any more insufferable?”

“Is that a challenge princess? If so, I would hate to disappoint you.” 

Lio refused to go away, they, and the voice of her mother in her head were the only things that would not abandon her.  Azula forced herself to look away, so her eyes would not linger on the serrated edge of that sharp tooth grin, and she would not wonder what it would feel like for the edge of those teeth to tear her lip.

“What are you thinking about, Lazuli?”

“Oh, you know. Strategy. Tactics. Plans.” Azula tried to focus on anything but Lio who would not leave her thoughts, in all the ways her mind had betrayed her recently this was the worst one. “How did we even get away from the forest fire and the avatar?”

“A handsome and dashing man carried you all the way here in his arms,” Lio explained.

“Oh, where are they?” Azula pretended to look around searching for her handsome man, “I don’t see them anywhere.”

As she looked around, she noted  they were traversing through a maple grove, a sea of flaming red in a field of green. A long ago in her youth, she caught sight of one of the mountains just outside the capital city like this: shimmering gold and intense like fire. The unforgettable sight took her on an unwanted trip down memory lane. The rustic charm of the mountainous countryside was refreshing, she supposed, but Azula could not help but give a slight start as a leaf landed on the top of her head. 

Lio reached over removing it playfully, not caring at all how their dirty fingers grazed her hair, or the scandal it would cause if anyone important saw such an overt display of intimacy. 

Azula batted the hand away but she didn’t react as violently as before. In truth their presence was a welcome distraction, if somewhat awkward. From this close she was forced to acknowledge Lio’s fresh burns, whenever she touched them, she melted them, and yet…

Yet, Azula remembered Lio’s words. “Your mother made a deal with a spirit to change her face, just to get away from you. Do you really think anyone in this whole world other than me cares for you?”

After two years of numbness in the asylum, Azula felt the pain of those words all at once, like salt water was poured directly onto a body covered in open wounds. It was an agony that burned like fire, boring into her bones. 

She screwed her eyes shut. Not once in the asylum did she cry. Her tears would just be one more thing for the world to laugh at. No one would pity her, nor did she yearn for their pity.

“Why was it you?” Azula’s chest throbbed and even the rims of her eyes were red. If Lio saw the conflict of yearning and disgust in her eyes they didn’t show it. “It was you who came to find me… why bother help someone that you hate?”

“When did I say I hated you?” Lio asked.

“You said it in so many words, don’t pretend otherwise, don’t lie to a liar.”

“I didn’t mean…”

“You did. Words generally tend to mean things,” Azula snapped at him.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t want you to go,” Lio unconsciously again reached out her, but was afraid to plunge their hand into the fire stopping just short, “I was scared you wouldn’t want me anymore… where else would I go if even you didn’t want me?” 

It was hard to hold a grudge against Lio. Nothing they said was untrue. In truth, they were both of them alike. They only wanted a home. Azula’s composure crumbled at last. Disobeying the father who commanded her never to show weakness in front of others, she stripped off all of her armor in front of a boy she barely knew and wept. She was a wretched dragon now, having lost so many of her scales. It was no wonder they didn't want her. They never had. Even before her becoming this ugly creature, they'd sensed their was something wrong with her. They knew what a bad child she was, even before we herself did. 

"Why don't they..." want me? She stopped herself before asking a question she did want to hear answered. She could not restrain herself any further, and sobbed as she never had before. "They won't let me... I can't be good!" She managed to articulate. 

“Hm? You’re not crying about mommy again, are you?” Lio said, but pulled her close until her shoulder was touching theirs, offering the crook of his neck to bury her face in and hide her shameful display from the world,  “Don’tcha go crying now,” Lio’s deep, gentle voice brought a pleasant warmth, “You’re not a bad person, no matter what mommy thinks.”

Azula did not know how to comfort anyone, nor did she know how to be comforted. Leaning against another like this was wrong. She felt profoundly unwell, awkward, and unaware until she at least pushed Lio away in a panic. 

Azula looked up, light flickering madly in her eyes, deeply sorrowful, yet wild and nearly insane, “Are you sick in the head?” 

“Uh, yeah”

“Or maybe you’ve got a death wish. I don’t care for your apologies at all. At the very least, I don’t owe you. Saving my life doesn’t change a thing between us.”

Lio nodded, clearly unperturbed. “Don’t worry. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you’re more ruthless than that.”

“...” Azula found herself slightly offended. “So, why do you insist on following me? Did my brother pay you to take me out of the country?”

“You think I’d only hang out with you if someone paid me? I didn’t know you had such low self-esteem, Lazuli.” 

I really will kill you. Azula thought.

“It’s just, between you and Zuko, I’d rather be killed by you,” Lio said.

Normally Azula would have lashed out in response, but their deadly serious tone shocked rather than angered her. “Unbelievable. Is this my life now?” Repressing a sigh, Azula tried the pointless task of trying to get Lio to think things through. “You should be afraid of me.”

“I think you’re more scared than me, Lazuli.”

“Do you want to die?” 

Lio waved both his hands in surrender, “People who try to make others afraid, are the most scared of all. Your big genius brain doesn't understand me, so you’re scared.”

“If I don’t understand it's because you refuse to make any sense at all. Your logic doesn’t resemble my human logic," Azula said, defensively, “If you helped Zuko recapture me, he would have ended your exile. By siding with me, you made yourself his enemy, why?”

“Why, we because, Zuko already has the avatar, and his mother, and Mai and Ty Lee, and his uncle,” Lio answered immediately, realizing that Azula was looking for his reason. “but you, well… you’ve got me, and I’ve got you.”

Simple and to the point.

A surprise attack that stopped Azula in her tracks.

Their eyes seemed to ask why she would even question them so.

It was like someone had poured water over her, she was snuffed out by the absurd simplicity of their reasoning.

All Azula could do was respond with an expression of pure shock. It was a simple stubborn reason. The strongest kind on earth. Again, she found herself surrendering, “...I give up. I’d really like to get inside your head someday. I honestly have no idea how you’ve made it this far in life.” 

Azula realized something, “You didn’t ask The Mother of Faces to change your face. That means you won’t be able to sneak back into the fire nation anymore.”

“Yeah, guess so.” 

“Even though I can’t stand you… you sure are a dip, you know.” Lio laughed at her sour grumbling. Azula closed the distance between them, and placed her hands on either side of their face, to lift up the mask. She wasn’t done there, she used her long nails to brush back Lio’s bangs so they no longer obscured the burn on their face. “No more hiding your burn. If you’re going to return to the fire nation, you should do it with your head held high.”

Their clash of wills ended there.

If Lio was going to choose her over returning home, all she could do was try to think of a way to get them both home. She had no plans on riding into Caldera city on a cart pulled by an ostrich horse. Zuko had stolen nearly everything from her, but she would never relinquish that which he most wanted — her pride.

“You don’t have a plan to get back, do you?” Lio’s silence meant this was a correct assumption on her part. “We’re going to need one, unless you intend for us to just take a farmer’s cart all the way there. We’re definitely not walking, these are crococat leather boots.”

“We’ll have to do a little bit of walking.”

“Crococat! Leather! Boots!” Azula stressed each word. 

“We might have to sell our clothes for something plainer to sneak back into the capital. We could use a straw hat to cover your face too.

Azula was busy picking straw out of her hair. “A straw hat. What am I a farmer? Enough, I’m obviously going to have to do the thinking for the both of us. All you need to do is submit to my authority, and follow my orders.” 

“How did you know that I prefer to be the submissive one?”

Azula ignored them, it was getting harder, especially when their scarred lips suddenly looked so appealing with the way they shaped themselves to speak such tantalizing words.

“Remember your place.” She didn’t know if she was reminding herself or Lio. “I am the next in line to be firelord after Zuko, and you are sworn to serve me. If you betray me for self-gain, then I’ll eliminate you,” Azula said, coldly, “but if you betray me for Zuko, I’ll never forgive you.” 

“I don’t serve whoever sits on the dragonbone throne. I serve you. For me, you are the only firelord,” Lio said, “And for you, I am your only servant.”

Lio endured Azula’s suffering and disregard.If Lio resented her, they would never let Azula know. All they did was smile brilliantly, beneath the rising sun. A smile too passionate, too hungry, hiding inexhaustible longing in its corners: that would end up scalding Azula with a touch.

She’d met the avatar and Lio, two people she couldn’t comprehend. One said he forgives her, his murderer. The other didn’t seem to mind being killed by her. She didn’t know how to deal with these people, and honestly she wished both would just disappear.

Yet, she was not ungrateful either. They were the only ones who treated her, like a girl. 

Azula  noticed Lio was watching, and found herself not minding their attention. Rather, she was enjoying the warmth in their eyes, and felt like it was something she could almost come to appreciate. 

Three Weeks Ago

 

The ink of the marriage contract was not even dry when Li made arrangements to smuggle them into Karazakov estate at the heart of Caldera city. Without the approval of Lio’s father, the contract could easily be torn up and burned, reducing Azula's plans to nothing more than ash. 

They were waiting together, Lio and Azula, to be introduced to the family head. 

While Lio lit up a cigarette with a snap of their fingers, Azula surveyed the estate on the other side of the open sliding door. There was a courtyard, with a garden in the far end that rivaled her mother’s garden in size. On the other side of the garden, there were more woods and if she wasn’t mistaken —

“Oh, Li should have told me we had guests. If I’d known I was going to be in the presence of royalty I would have worn my fancy pants.”

Behind her, there was a voice.

Azula knew this voice.
She knew him.
Azula hated his voice.
She hated him.

There was a time before mother disappeared, before father became the firelord, when Zuko and her would walk the palace gardens together. At those times they didn’t feel like siblings the way that Li and Lio were, but they didn’t feel like enemies either. On those walks, a young man from the Saowon family would often come over to talk to her brother.

A casual observer would have seen nothing special of this, just two young noblemen talking, but that wasn’t what she saw. His fingertips, his mouth, the way his eyes moved, all reminded her of a predator. The young man was talking to Zuko, not even acknowledging Azula, yet she could not shake the feeling that a beast was about to tear itself out of his skin. 

Behind her, there was a young man who dressed himself like he had far too much money, but in spite of his flamboyant appearance and the way his jewlery jingled with each footstep, the feeling of unease refused to go away. 

“Petya,” Azula said.

“Such bad manners, you have a rude mouth as always,” Petya sauntered forward. His fox eyes focused on Azula, “You keep that up, and your brother will scold you.” 

As the commander of the City guard, a position always held by the first son of the Saowon family, Petya was sworn to report Azula as a threat to the dragonbone throne. He was also married to Li. Which oath would he break, the one he swore to his wife, or to the throne? 

“I’m sorry,” Azula said calmly, “Captain Saowon.”

“Heh, did you think I was serious? Don’t worry, we’re friends aren’t we?” Peta licked his lips like a hungry fox at Azula’s obvious disgust, “Oh, you don’t like me? I’m heartbroken. Li also dislikes me, but oh well, it’s her fault for marrying me.”

The question was, did Li tell her husband about their plans, or did he find out of his own accord? 

Petya turned to Lio, “Hello Lio. Welcome. Actually, that’s not right. In your case, it would be more apt to say ‘welcome back’.”

“If you’re not here to be lovey dovey with my sister, then what are you doing here?” Lio asked.

“My Li is too nice to say, so it’s my job to be the asshole.” Petya said, “How dare the both of you return just like that. Both of you discarded your father’s investment towards you, and abandoned your duties as the heir. As a result, you two were both deserted. Yet, here the both of you are. Don’t you both feel ashamed of yourselves?”

About to impulsively stand up, Azula checked herself. There was obvious contempt and provocation in Petya’s eyes, but there was no point in making a scene. After all, there was no mistake in what he said.

All the time that her father invested in her had gone to waste. 

“Oh. Don’t you have any objections?” Petya tried to bait her further. 

“Nothing you said is wrong,” Lio spoke up diplomatically for her sake, “but don’t you think it’s shameful to use the word ‘deserted’ and ‘investment’ when talking about family?”

“I chose those words precisely because we were talking about family. Raising a child is an investment in the family’s future. Azula is a second child of the royal family, but she didn’t understand her obligation to her family. Unlike my Li who knows how to support a man, she’s third rate. Well, the only first-rate thing about her is that she had the nerve to come back after falling so low.” 

Petya was right about how far she had fallen. A dragon meant to soar through the sky, was currently crawling on her belly in the grass hoping to remain hidden. 

While Azula remained calm, Petya noticed Lio getting increasingly upset for her sake,“Oh, don’t look so upset little brother-in-law, it’s not something I, an outsider, can say anything about is it?” 

“You’re hardly an outsider any more, big-brother-in-law,” Lio said.

“You don’t need to get overprotective. I only married your sister for political gain. Ever since Li and I got hitched our families have become like business partners, so let’s get along.” 

Azula had to wonder what possible political gain Petya could be after, marrying a bastard daughter, and a cripple at that, but someone like Petya who believed being born a noble and a man gave him freedom to do whatever he wanted was impossible to pin down. He was like a kitsune, shifting into whatever shape he pleased.

“You should be careful Petya, if we get caught then Li will also be punished for conspiring against Zuko,” Lio reminded him.

“Is that so? Well, it’s not like I married her for love,” Petya’s grin revealed his cunning, and his teeth. 

“How do you sleep at night?” Lio asked.

“Next, to your sister,” Petya answered. 

“Don’t remind me,” Li called out as she wheeled herself down the hallway. 

“Your fault for marrying me,” Petya said.

“You’re the one who proposed,” Li said.

“You’re the one who said yes,” Petya said.

“If it wasn’t obvious from the way he behaves Petya didn’t receive enough attention as a child, please ignore him.” Li seemed entirely unbothered by the casual cruelty of the man she married. She hardly fit the picture of a battered woman, ruled over by her tyrant of a husband. Both of them were unpredictable, and Azula was uncomfortable being thrown into situations where she could not see ten moves in advance. She did not want to play games with those who would not even follow the rules.

“Is father ready to see us?” Lio asked. They did not look as Zuko did when Azula brought him back from Ba Sing Se, nervous and filled with the desire to impress. Lio was still Lio, unconscionable and unreadable.

“Father turned us away. He’s in one of his moods, I’ll ask him again once I’ve finished our evening healing session.” 

“When is that walking burn victim gonna die anyway?” Petya complained, “The only good father is a dead father.”

“Don’t talk about him that way!” Li raised her voice, it was the most emotion Azula had seen out of the girl. “Father can’t even go out walking in the sun because of his condition. The honorable thing to do would have been to slit his belly open, but father would rather live in shame than die and abandon us.” 

Li suddenly stopped, surprised by her own emotional outburst.

In the space of those few seconds of shock, Petya came up with an idea. “You need to learn to stand up for yourself in front of your father.” He moved to grab the back of Li’s wheelchair. “Oh, sorry, but you know what I mean.” 

He ignored Li’s protests and pushed her down the hall, forcing Lio and Azula to follow out of concern. Petya threw the doors to the drawing room right open, and Azula was treated to the sight of the unseen patriarch of the Karazakov family.

The former lieutenant of Iroh, otherwise known as Lieutenant Li Karazakov. 

Sitting there, a fully grown and ancient looking man was completely wrapped in yellowed bandages, leaving not a single inch of his skin visible. So the rumor was true, after torturing him for a year the Dai Li had tried to execute him by burning him alive only to fail. Now the once master firebender’s skin was so sensitive it could not withstand exposure to direct sunlight. Perhaps to avoid irritating his skin, he only wore only a red patterned shendyt adorned with a gold cloth belt that terminated and multiple tassels, a

When they failed missions or betrayed their orders soldiers were supposed to cut their hair, but Lieutenant Li’s long black hair was touching the floor as he sat. Of course he didn't chop of his hair, he never failed Iroh, Iroh had failed him. The old soldier lay in repose on his daybed of xiangfei bamboo. His fingers wrapped around a slim, silver as he poked idly at the aromatics in the incense burner. Within it was a type of narcotic that functioned as a temporary painkiller, but had to be inhaled repeatedly and often which made it difficult to quit.

Smoke filled the entire room, and just breathing it in secondhand Azula felt her senses dull. So much so she did not notice right away Lieutenant Li was not alone in the room. He was playing a game of Pai Sho with an unseen man. 

“Anyway, I’m working on this new invention. It's these little bubbles of yogurt that float in the tea that way while you’re drinking the tea you have something to chew on too. I’m going to call it… Yoga-tea. I think it’ll be a hit with gurus everywhere,” the man said.

“...” Lieutenant Li did not respond. He seemed too focused on the gameboard, which lay on top of a rug made from a lion-dog pelt. 

Petya broke out laughing, and left the room leaving his wife to deal with the mess he had made. Azula was paralyzed. Only Li knew what had happened, “The white lotus spotted us. I thought I was being careful.” 

The white lotus?

Before Li could explain her remark, Li crawled out of her wheelchair and groveled in front of her bather, bringing her head low to the floor. “I’m sorry father, my carelessness let us be seen.” 

Lieutenant Li’s eyes did not leave the gameboard, “Calm yourself, Li.”

Lieutenant Li reached out to the Pai Sho board and moved a piece. Azula saw that Iroh was likely to win in eleven moves.  The thing about Pai Sho was that most games didn’t need to be played to completion. Masters usually recognized when they were beaten, and resigned while the action was still technically in progress.

This was the part where Azula was supposed to bow and pick up the tiles in defeat. By all logical reasoning, she’d made a mistake she could not recover from. She’d lost.

“They must have intercepted our communications at some point. I didn’t think they’d be so petty as to spy on you,  just because you’d refuse to join their gang of geriatrics,” there was genuine venom in Li’s words. Li usually did a better job of hiding her fangs.

But Azula was a unique player, she had never surrendered a game early in her life. On rare occasions when an opponent got the best of her, she forced them to play out the lines to the bitter end. She made them jump hurdles for every piece they captured, and ran the late-night candles down to their last inches of wick out of sheer spite.

“I’m just playing a game with an old friend,” Lieutenant Li’s smoky rasp seemed to calm Li, “Why don’t you do us a favor and put a kettle on.” 

Azula’s mind was racing, but every single move she came up with ended in her eventual failure.

Still, she refused to concede. 

Iroh always criticized this part of her. When she lost to him, he told her that she needed to learn when to accept defeat. She didn’t accept that man as a teacher, and she refused to laern anything from him. Beating her always required a price in blood.

She wasn’t going to drop the habit now. 

“I only came to visit as a friend,” Iroh addressed his niece without looking at her, “And as a friend, I would say it’s not wise to shelter the fire lord’s enemies.”

“That’s the problem with old fat bastards like you, just because you’re starting to go bald and have a big belly you think you’re as wise as the buddha." Lieutenant Li was a crippled lion-dog waiting alone in his cave to die, but even a wounded animal could still bite.

“Wisdom comes with age,” Iroh said.

“So does senility,” Lieutenant Li inhaled the aromatic smoke, and continued the conversation, “If you are my friend, then you should be congratulating me. My son is getting married to your niece. The princess will soon be my daughter in law and unlike you I don’t throw my children to the dogs.” 

The piece that Iroh had been holding in his hands slipped out of his fingers and fell to the floor. 

Lio must have noticed the tension in the room about to reach its breaking point, as they suddenly waved to their father, “Hey, there Daddy! Or, should I say mummy?” 

“Li, hit your brother for me. They’re all the way over there and I don’t want to get up,” Lieutenant Li waved his pipe at Lio.

Li obeyed, boxing Lio’s ears.

“Ow!” 

Azula did not know whether or not Lio loved his father, but he clearly did not fear him. 

She collected her breath, and herself, and invited herself to sit at the Pai Sho table. “Uncle, he has you in nine movies,” Her stratagem worked, inflicting injury on herself to gain the enemy’s trust. Iroh assumed his victory was in hand, and no longer considering her a threat made a critical mistake. 

“I’ve heard you caused your mother and brother quite some trouble in Hira’a village,” Iroh said, moving his piece into a risky position to try to regain his advantage.                  

“I’m surprised you even remembered me. I didn’t hear anything from you in the asylum, a visit, a letter, any acknowledgement would have been nice.”

“...Did you actually want me to visit?” Iroh seemed stunned at the notion.

“Well, obviously not. It’s called pretending to be a civil Uncle. ” As Iroh put his hand on the tile, she shook her head, “That’s the wrong move. You’ll be showing you’ve had the advantage the entire time, but one small mistake and you’ve retreated like a coward and gone on the defensive.”

Iroh rolled his eyes and picked another piece to move instead. Iroh tried to teach Zuko Pai Sho once, but gave up when Zuko flipped the board after too many losses. That was also how Azula had learned, watching the two of them, because no one had ever bothered to teach her.

Their matches had never been friendly, but Azula was familiar enough with Iroh’s playing style to confidently predict his moves. 

“You expect me to believe that your son fell head over heels in love with my niece?” Iroh asked.

“Are you suggesting that I’m not lovable, Uncle?” Azula did not appreciate him ignoring her. 

“Many things we find beautiful are also dangerous for us, like spiders for instance,” Iroh deflected.

“You’re taking forever, old man, just say you hate women,” Lio groaned. 

"Lio hold your tongue, just because it's true doesn't mean it's polite to say it." LIeutenant Li said, "“Azula isn’t a threat to her brother. The threat are the elders and other nobles who refuse to support him. Damned old men like us who refuse to die and give up power to the next generation." 

“We have more to give the next generation if we stay alive, like our wisdom,” Iroh said.

“We’re not wise. We burned down half the world, because we believed the fire nation’s lie, like fools,” Lieutenant Li said. “All we’ve given the next generation are scars, and a world full of problems.” 

It seemed to Azula that Lieutenant Li and General Iroh’s paths had already begun to diverge long before Iroh made the decision to abandon his lieutenant behind enemy lines. They sat on opposite sides of the game board, like two nations waiting held back only by a flimsy treaty, for the other to give them an excuse to tear up the document and go to war. 

Iroh said nothing, just went to move his piece when he was interrupted again by Azula, “No, Uncle, you should try moving the red Lotus Tile. It’s unpredictable movement might help you create a hole in Lieutenant Li’s offense.” 

Azula honestly did not care about her Uncle’s opinion of her. She had already accepted that no one except her father was willing to give her a chance. 

No, the Pai Sho game was much more fascinating.

“You don’t know my niece, there's too much Ozai in her for her own good. It might sound harsh, but keeping her away from the throne the way Zuko did was the best thing for her.” 

Azula smiled, innocently, the same way she had when she was eight  - she supposed she was doing it incorrectly. She did everything incorrectly in her uncle’s eyes.

“Permission to speak freely, genearl?” Lieutenant Li asked.

“I don’t know why you bother asking for permission, you always just say whatever you’d like.”

“She’s nothing like Ozai. Have you ever spent more than five minutes in the room with your brother? Ozai is emotional, impulsive, with a chip on his shoulder that’s Zuko. No, Azula is calm, calculating and hides everything behind a mask like someone else I know.” General Li easily took one of Iroh’s tiles and claimed it for his own. “You’d think a wise man like yourself would realize it’s extremely petty, to punish a completely innocent seventeen year old girl for your crimes." 

“If you knew my niece, you’d know she’s hardly innocent.”

“Neither are we,” Lieutenant Li said, “the blood she’s shed is a drop in the bucket, compared to the oceans of blood we’ve spilled together.”

“You need to mount a counter attack. Lieutenant Li  is going to have you cornered and you won’t be able to move your pieces around late-game,” Azula interrupted again.

“Would you stop playing backseat Pai Sho! If you want to play, wait your turn until the next round!” Iroh snapped at her, throwing his hands up from the board. 

Lieutenant Li’s burnt lips stretched into a smile. It was exactly like his son’s smile. Chillingly so. “How good is your history, Princess? What can you tell me about the Siege of Ba Sing Se.”

Azula recited from memory, exactly as she read it on the scroll. “Around 94 years into the war General Iroh besieged the earth Kingdom Capital. The siege was iniatd after the Fire Nation infantry began attacking the Outer Wall of the city, hoping to breach the outer walls. The turning point came when a massive bombardment of trebuchets breached the outer wall, the FIre Nation Army advanced into the Agrarian Zone and continued their onslaught.” 

She paused to catch sight of her Uncle’s face, and continued, “Due to heavy losses from the earth kingdom defenses, Iroh made the decision to burn the fields, cut off all outside trade and starve the people inside the walls instead. In their desperation to eat, the citizens of Ba Sing Se ate everything from dirt, to pigeons, to household pets. In those three hundred days, so many died they lacked both the graves and gravediggers, so the corpses were left abandoned throughout the city streets and Ba Sing Se became a city of the dead.” 

“You were right there alongside me, Li,” Iroh said.

“I know. Unlike you, I haven’t forgotten the sight of a young man cannibalizing his own dead sister’s liver just to survive. Nor have I forgotten your strategy to put corpses in their water supply to spread a sickness inside the walls,” Lieutenant Li was rotten and foul, meat far past its expiration date. “They had to throw the pox-ridden corpses over the walls to stop the infection from spreading.” 

He was a corpse who had crawled out of his grave to confront Iroh, but Iroh ignored remained focused on Azula, “I know you’re fond of children, but don’t mistake that child for a child. Zuko, and the fire nation would be better off if-” 

Azula yelled.

Not at Iroh, but at Lio.

“Lio-dog!”

At Lio, who moved like a roaring tiger lunging at his prey. Their hand was already at their sword, and they looked ready to draw the blade and cut Iroh’s head clean off from his shoulders before he could finish that sentence.

The only thing that stopped him was Azula’s words, “I’m having a lovely dinner conversation with my Uncle. Learn to read the room. I don’t want you to defend my ‘‘honor’ or whatever, when both of us know I have none. That goes for my brother as well.”

“Okay,” Lio said, but did not move to sit back down.

“Zuzu may be an insufferable idiot, but that doesn’t grant you permission to hurt him. If you ever raise your hand against my family again I won’t forgive you.”

“I said okay,” Lio said, finally acquiescing to her.

“There,” Azula said, “Does that take care of things, Uncle?” 

They sat back down and wrapped their arms around Azula possessively. Azula decided to put up with their closeness for now. Just when she thought things had calmed down, she saw Lieutenant Li drawing a knife.

Was everyone in Lio’s family like this? 

Lieutenant Li stabbed a tanto in the middle of the game board, straight through the white lotus piece that Iroh had just moved. “If Azula makes any move against the throne, then I will commit seppuku without Harakiri. Do you accept my terms?”

“I don’t understand why fire nation men are so eager to slice their bellies open, I prefer to keep all of my organs inside of me,” Iroh sighed.

“My children are the only reason I dragged this body of scar tissue and bone back home. I’m hanging on for their sake, even though my flesh is peeling off me like a leper. Unlike you, I am willing to die to protect my son,” Lieutenant Li said, unwavering.

For the first time, Azula saw that her Uncle had nothing to say. No clever remarks, no anecdotes, no way he could twist this situation into a positive. There were no words at all to express the sorrow and loss reflected in his eyes at that moment. 

Lio stood up and started clapping behind Iroh, like he was a live-in nurse caring for an elderly patient, “Let’s go grandpa! TIme for your walk! You had your lunch already, remember!?” He did not stop harassing the old man until he finally left the room with a stiff and formal goodbye. 

The moment he was gone, Azula let out the breath she had been holding in. Li returned with tea to pour everyone who was left. 

“Li, hit your brother again,” Lieutenant Li commanded, and Li obeyed, boxing her brother in the ears.

“Ow!” Lio rubbed their ears, “Why do you always take his side?” 

“Because father lets me call him father, and saved my life and gave me a home. All you’ve given me is more messes for me to clean up,” Li answered, quite honestly. 

“Lio, you were gripping your sword improperly, and your stance was imbalanced." Lieutenant Li lectured, “Not only would you have failed to cut Iroh, but you would have left yourself open to him retaliating at close range with lightning. If I ever see such half-assed form from you again, I will break every single bone in your hand, one by one, until you learn to hold a sword correctly.”

“Father, there’s no need to be so harsh. Lio hasn’t been training for four years,” Li spoke up in his defense. “Lio may be an insufferable idiot, but that doesn’t grant you permission to hurt him.” 

Lio did not cow in fear at the threat as Zuko might, instead they seemed completely conditioned to this level of violence, “Yes sir.”

“And, Lio?” Lieutenant Li spoke, and Lio cocked an ear to listen, “Li told me what you did in Hira’a forest. You made a mess of things for your family to clean up, like always, but you weren’t wrong. You weren’t wrong for fighting to protect someone, even if you were fighting the firelord. If the firelord tries to punish you for protecting the weak, then it’s the country, the world that’s wrong.” 

Azula did not understand what had happened. It was an entirely new feeling. Unrecognizable. She had done nothing yet. She had failed to earn anything. She had nothing to give other than herself, and yet this stranger welcomed her more than her own blood welcome. 

“It’s not that I’m ungrateful for your protection, but…” Azula would not take her armor off again, not for anyone. One moment of weakness was enough for a lifetime. “What do I owe you exactly, for all this fine hospitality?”

“You misunderstand me princess. I’m aware of my position. I have no ambition to be a player, I’m just a piece, to be used, or sacrificed, in the game you royals play against each other.”

Azula smiled, “Then, Lieutenant, why would you-?”

“There’s no need to call me lieutenant anymore,” Lieutenant Li smiled, self-mocking, “I lost the siege of Ba Sing Se. I lost most of my skin, and nearly lost my life. I came home to find that my children were strangers, and I had lost my wife as well. I have no interest in playing the game myself, but win or lose, live or die, I will see this match with Iroh finished.” 

Three Days Ago

Azula searched around to find a change of clothes and a wooden tub, then headed towards the Karazakov estate bath house. She followed the little footpath of smooth, colorful pebbles under the luxuriant canopy of flowering wisteria blossoms until she found the entrance to the bath. A low shelf carved from the bluestone had been placed to hold the bather’s clothes, Azula left hes behind in a wooden wash tub. 

Lifting the hemp curtain with one hand, Azula strode in.

Flowers bloomed along the borders of the pool, their petals floating on the surface. There was a natural rocky outcropping and a small waterfall at the end of the pond for rinsing. 

It was pleasantly warm. Azula couldn’t help the soft sigh of content that escaped her. She let loose for a moment, extending her slender limbs and swimming all the way to the waterfall with a splash. 

She’d only just risen from the water when she noticed Lio showing in the surging waterfall with their back turned and nearly swallowed a mouthful of water. Azula didn’t know why she was reacting this way, when she was the one who arranged for them to talk here in private. 

Azula blinked, looking to Lio, her co-conspirator, their body in its entirety perfectly vivid and perfectly clear. No Haze, no concealment, nothing. In this strange place and stranger time, they were something real. 

A body hard like stone, with jagged scars running along the surface like fissures. Their body’s imperfections were ugly. Wounds. Lacerations. Scars. They were marks of failure. Yet, the sight of him with the armor stripped off, was not so disgusting as she might have thought.
The perfect curve of Lio’s shoulders, the lean strength in those lines like those of a bow pulled taut, tension ready to be unleashed. She could see Lio’s shoulder blades, moving beneath his skin, and her body shivered unconsciously on the strength displayed in the way his muscles work. Azula was no longer the apex predator, she was not the dragon in that moment, but she was not the princess either. 

She realized she had been staring too long when Lio turned around and gave her a smile several degrees warmer than the water. Some dignified princess she was, staring like a silly girl. 

“Is my presence making you uncomfortable, princess?” Lio asked, insufferably pleased with themselves.

“The smell of wet dog is distracting me,” Azula huffed, leaning back against the rocky wall. 

Bathing under the stars.
Girls and boys together.
No tension there whatsoever.
Nope, not at all. 

Finally, they said, “Li says the water is magic for muscle aches. Feeling any better, Lazuli?”

“Not at all. There’s this horrible pain in my side that won’t go away.” Azula picked up a bar of soap and hurled it at Lio’s head, “It’s been three weeks. You still haven’t told me what the white lotus is.”

“It took three weeks to badger the information out of Li. Big sis never tells me anything. She says it’s to protect me, but it’s more like she thinks everyone but her is stupid - like a certain princess I know.” 

“Did you know in the Kyoshi era the punishment for speaking out against the royal family was using an extremely sharp hand to make minor cuts to the ears, the nose, the fingers and then finally cutting out the tongue?” 

“Did you know that you’re pretty when you’re angry? You’re pretty the rest of the time too, but you’re prettiest when you look like you’re about to light someone on fire.”

“I didn’t ask for you to point out the obvious. I asked for information on the white lotus.” 

Though the water wasn’t particularly deep, Azula was so small steaming water reached her shoulders when she sat. Her long black hair tied up in a tenugui didn’t touch the water. She undid it so she could begin shampooing herself. 

This was the worst place to talk strategy.  

Not only was their meeting here improper, it was straight-up laughable.
Not only were they not well-dressed, they were both completely naked.
They were clean though. So clean they didn’t have a single stitch on.  

“Big sis says they’re a bunch of old farts, they use a vast network of spies in all four of the nations to fart around in world politics.” 

“We were seen by one of their agents when trying to sneak into the city, and I shouldn’t be paranoid about this, why?” Azula was starting to feel like paranoia was the only sane response.

“Iroh is one of the higher ups. If make a move against you, my father will retaliate. They risk losing one of their highest rankings members and a direct line to the current firelord,” Lio said.

“How exactly can your father retaliate? Your father is a drug addict, his only competent child is a cripple, his eldest is a violent lunatic with bad taste in women, the middle son a schoolboy who fashions himself political radical, and the youngest a religious fanatic.”

Really, the Karazakov family was the last one she would ever consider allying with, marrying into this family of lunatics was only slightly better than a permanent stay in the asylum.

“You forgot to say ‘No offense intended,’” Lio corrected her.

“No, I fully intended to offend you.” 

“Father knows something about Iroh. The story everyone tells is that Iroh abandoned him behind enemy lines after Lu Ten died, but that’s not how it went. Iroh sent father to infiltrate the inner wall two weeks before Lu Ten died, and when he set off the signal to show his mission was complete Iroh never sent soldiers to retrieve him. It wasn’t despair that led him to abandon father, it was deliberate,” Lio said. 

Azula would not put it past her Uncle to do this. What she found surprising was how much it troubled her to leave someone who had been loyal to die, just because they might become an obstacle in the long run. Would she have done the same? Maybe in the past, but not now that she knew what it was like to be abandoned, for years of friendship to burn to ash in an instant, for trust she thought sturdy to crumble like a sandcastle, and to crumble herself.

“What does my future father in law want then?” Azula asked.

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be such a disappointment.” Lio’s eyes shone like obsidian. Eyes just like their father’s. It was impossible to discern what Lio’s true feelings were, as almost nothing escaped those pitch black eyes. “Either way, father and Iroh’s friendship didn’t end at Ba Sing Se, it ended when father refused to join the White Lotus alongside him.”

“What about Li? Why would your perfect sister marry someone as dangerous as Petya?”

“When I was banished our family lost the first born son, there was no one to be the official head of the household. Since marrying Petya, he’s been acting as the head of the household in name only. Li probably married him because he lets her run everything behind the scenes.” 

“You don’t think now that Li has had a taste of power, she won’t want more? Why would she give up her place as acting family head to a louse like you?”

“Not everyone wants to rule the world. That’s just you, Lazuli.” Lio teased, with affection in their eyes so confidently real that Azula almost believed it, “Li doesn’t want anything. She doesn’t even think of herself as a person. She only thinks of what's best for others.” 

That assessment didn’t agree with the woman who decided to coldly break Azula’s fingers one by one in an attempt to break her will. 

Azula heard Lio make waves as they stood fully erect in the water.  Azula found herself assessing his physique for how this man could serve her, as a warrior, as a protector, as…

“Li wants to negotiate a peace between you and Zuko, with you serving as his advisor. She told me she tried to visit you in the asylum to convince you to work with him.”

Azula remembered the sound of her bones breaking, like a bowstring pulled too tight until it snapped.

Lio continued, “She wants to two of you to lead the rest of the nobles and push for reforms, Zuko’s charm and likability, the avatar’s support, combined with your political savvy, but it is my belief that the Fire Nation is already beyond remedy; rather that continue to make incremental changes, why not burn it down and fertilize the earth with the ashes to grow something new? Zuko wasn’t taught statesmanship, his position on the throne is precarious, and right now all under heaven have ambition to unseat him. Zuko is powerless against the will of the heavens.”

Azula studied Lio through the dim moonlight; the fire that had rekindled in his black as coal eyes burned with complex emotions. He said slowly and deliberately, “Anyone in the world can sit on the throne. If your father could take it from Iroh, if Zuko could take it after siding with an enemy invader, why not you? Why not princess Azula?” 

Azula replied coldly, “My ambitions lie elsewhere.”

In this situation, Zuko had nothing to fear from her. Not when he held all the power. As long as he was firelord, no matter how excellent her political maneuvering was or who she aligned with, the threat of being thrown back in the asylum would always be there.

“You can’t fool me,” Lio said, voice low, “You are walking this path already.”

“Immediately trying to take the throne would just confirm every nasty thing Zuko and Iroh think about me,” Azula smiled, with the same innocence she learned to fake as a child. “Perhaps, if I ask Zuko very nicely, he won’t jail me for the rest of my life,”

“When you lost the Agni Kai three years ago, you lost your mind. When Zuko defeated you in Hira’a village, you lost your chance to return home. In another three years,” Lio’s lowered eyes were distant, “Will you still be willing to place your life and destiny in the hands of another? Your father was wrong, grooming you to just be a tool for the firelord. You are completely unsuited to be an obedient servant of the state. Being subjected to the control of others has already become the greatest indignity of your life. You won’t stand for it again.”

The atmosphere in the room shifted abruptly.

“I won’t stand for it either. You are my only firelord, I won’t accept being ruled over by anyone but you.” 

 Although Lio was smiling pleasantly, they looked as if they could kill a man in a single heart beat, without a single qualm, as long as she ordered it. Their expressive eyes betrayed nothing. The wind chimes outside the bath tinkled, and a shift in the breeze lifted a few of the petals off of the water. 

Yet the heavens never gave Azula a chance to either give in, or resist Lio’s temptation, as at that fateful moment the avatar came crashing in. 

They were suddenly in a dangerous situation. Azula wasn’t just mortified at the thought of being seen together, they had been talking of treasonous things. As she stood there mind reeling from the error they’d both committed, Lio strode over and pushed Azula against the rock wall, placing their hands against the wall on either side of Azula and blocking her from view in a mock embrace.

Lio's actions were very much like a ferocious lion-dog protecting his food, baring his teeth to scare off intruders. In order to keep Azula hidden from view, they had pressed very close, close enough to see the beads sweat rolling off of their body.

Their breathing abruptly turned heavy and she saw each heave of their chest.. The two stood pressed against the wall, so close they would be touching if not for Lio’s arms bracing themselves, muscles taut and trembling. 

Azula might have looked calm and collected, indifferent to their proximity but it took considerable willpower to keep this pretense alive. Unwilling to meet their eyes, she looked for some route of escape. 

Azula could distinctly feel the heat radiating from that warm chest, engulfing her in its blaze. That heat could melt the coldest glacier in the world and turn it into an uncontrollably heated spring.Lio was nothing short of a fire to her, a fire that could too easily set her ablaze like she was mere kindling, sending flames soaring up to scorch the skies. It was entirely possible that even the firebending prodigy could not control these flames, she did not know what she would be unleashing if she followed Lio’s plans to put her on the throne. Lio was a threat, not only to Zuko, not only to the fire nation, but they threatened to burn through all the reservations, dignity and restraint which she always prided herself on.

Threatened to burn it all to ash, until there was nothing left.

Azula tried to run away at that moment, only to slip face first and hit her head on the rocky floor of the springs. When Lio fished her out of the water, she caught sight of the avatar - not bad.

She had seen the avatar as the enemy, but now the sight of him looking at her, not as an enemy but as something else that he himself could not seem to be able to describe was utterly disarming. It tore down all her defenses and slammed open the floodgates. All the blood in her body was boiling, surging like lava, desperately trying to break free of her skin and flesh. 

Now, two people had seen her without her armor. “What are you staring at avatar? Have you not gone further than hand-holding with your water tribe girlfriend?” 

Why was he staring at an enemy without a single trace of disdain in his eyes? What did he see her as? What was she to him?

“...Beautiful.” 

Oh. 

Now

 

When Aang arrived this time he did not storm the gates, with Zuko at his side. He dropped into her life as suddenly as before, crashing through the roof with his glider in hand. Apparently, his primitive airbender culture had never taught him how to use the door.

In an instant she knew he wasn’t here to harm her. She didn’t know how - she just knew. The avatar was neither an enemy to conquer, nor was he someone to use for her own advantage, he was simply the avatar. 

“Hey Azula,” Aang greeted her, while Lio stared up at the newly formed hole in their roof.

“I don’t remember being on a first name basis with you. You will address me as Azula, crown princess of the fire nation and current heir to the throne or you will not address me at all.” 

“You know technically speaking, I outrank you. You’re just the princess of one nation, I was appointed by the spirits to help all four nations, so I think I’ll call you whatever I want,” Aang said. “So, anyway Azula. I’ve been thinking of making a deal with you — wait what’s that?” 

Azula assembled on the wall of the sleeping quarters she shared with Lio, every piece of information collected on the murders so far, in the form of scraps of paper pinned to the wall with a variety of knives. She only meant to make a small visual aid, but as she started to see more and more connections the web she was weaving had grown to cover an entire wall.

Most particular of all was a strange symbol that appeared at the crime scenes, a circle drawn in the victim’s own blood, that resembled the red lotus pai sho tile.

“This is what happens when Lazuli goes twenty eight hours without sleeping. I'd tie her to the bed if they hadn't done that to force food down her throat at the asylum. Plus, Lazuli is no pillow princess, she prefers to be the dominant one,” Lio said, babbling about some nonsense as they casually took the tea cup from Azula’s hand and sipped on it, and spat it out. “Drugs, Lazuli! This is drugs! There’s drugs in this! I’m cutting you off!” 

Azula ignored them, she was the last person on earth that needed to be mothered. “There’s a definite pattern emerging, the killings always start a week before the full moon, and ramp up in intensity, until the night of the full moon.” 

“Huh? Those aren’t scrolls.” Aang said, as he narrowed his eyes to read a piece of paper with tiny text on it.

“They’re leaflets that have been circulating the city, filled with political essays commenting on recent events. Oyuki's brother devised a way to print text on paper much faster than handwriting everything, allowing him to mass produce and distribute information on a level unseen. The common folk are calling them, newpaper. The ones who can read at least.” Azula said.

“Newspaper,” Lio corrected her.

“Newpaper sounds better,” Azula said. 

“Azula, I’ve been thinking about you,” Aang tried to start again. 

“Oh my avatar, I have clearly done a number of you to engender such a frothing obsession so quickly.” She didn’t know why the avatar had come to bother her again if he wasn’t turning her in, so she feigned nonchalance. "Not surprising. It's just the burden that comes with being royalty." 

“We don't have time for sarcasm Azula. I seriously don’t want Zuko to lock you up again. Especially now that I know, you've a normal girl who tells jokes and stuff even though she's really bad it." 

“How serendipitous. I’m also not fond of the idea of spending the rest of my life in a strait jacket. I find that white isn’t my color.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt anyone either.”

“Are you suggesting a truce? If you’re willing to sit down, and negotiate a ceasefire then I can get the details down in writing for a contract we can both sign.” 

Aang blinked at her, confused. She didn’t understand why people always reacted that way when she suggested they draw up a contract, they didn’t appreciate her love of government bureaucracy at all. 

“Your engagement party is next week, right?” Aang suggested, “Well, I figured you’d need all the help you could get with the party planning, so I decided until then I’d stick by your side every second of the day.”

Oh, clever boy.

He was watching her under the guise of helping her. The avatar may be an idiot, but he was a clever idiot, she could at least appreciate that. As much as she loathed the idea of praising an enemy. 

Well, whatever. She really did have nothing to do with these murders. There was no reason not to accept, other than she didn’t like how confused the avatar’s earnestness towards her made her feel.

“The full moon is on the night of my engagement party. If all the nobles are gathering there, then that’s where they’ll attack”” Azula smirked, “Then we’ll have to lay a trap for the Kemurikage there, whoever they are, man or spirit, I won’t let them interrupt my party.”

“You get we’re planning a party, right, not a military operation,” Lio said.

“I don’t see why it can’t be both,” Azula shrugged. “We are going to have the greatest party in the history of the fire nation, I’m going to have a perfect party, everyone will hae a nice, fun, normal evening even if I have to kill every single person in the four nations to do it.” 

Aang blinked, “Uh, yay.” 

He didn’t know what she was getting into, but then again neither did she. The avatar had come crashing into her life again, and brought with himhim a change of the winds that would permanently alter the direction of her life.