Work Text:
SIMON
"Mr. Snow, you will be accompanying Mr. Grim-Pitch-"
" fuckkkk"
"Sir, if I could object-"
"Silence, both of you! You will accompany each other on this mission and that's final. Your coworker is in danger! This isn't the time to be picky, Simon."
I don't like the way my name sounds on his tongue. So soft. Like I'm fragile. I'm not fragile!
Baz looks at me now the same way he looks at me when I wipe my nose on my sleeve. Or when I eat. Or when I sneeze. I've come to know that this is what Baz looks like when he's disgusted. That's fine, he can find me disgusting if he wants to. Hell knows I find him revolting too.
I stare in Mage's eyes and give him what I hope is a pitiful look, but he just pats my curls and starts explaining what we'll do. This usually works, goddamnit!
Our coworker- also my ex girlfriend (temporarily, hopefully)- Agatha Wellbelove is gone. But it's not like we don't know where she is- whoever kidnapped her wants to be found. They sent a letter and everything! I don't get why we have to go and not someone more, I don't know, suitable, but Mage is seemingly soo convinced we'd make a good team. Me and Baz! As in the vampire! As in, like, a dark creature of the night but like literally! I'm not sure if he drinks half-human blood or not, but I'm certain he's willing to try.
He's looking at me like he's planning my death and how to make it look like an accident. Mage doesn't seem to notice, though. He never notices. He's still talking. He's always talking.
"Normally I'd send more than just 2 agents on missions like these, but I'm very sure you both are capable on your own accord."
"But.." I start, but stop when I realise this is all for naught. He won't change his mind this time. The way he's nodding to himself as he looks back and forth between me and Baz tells me all I need to know.
He wants us to become friends, I'm guessing.
I mean, I understand that our rivalry is doing more bad than good, but if he really wants us to get along, he should just, I don't know, tape Baz's mouth shut. And his eyes too, those are also way too intense for my liking. And his eyebrows, he's raised them enough for a lifetime. His hair also kind of annoys me, so if he really really wants us to be friends, he should shave that off of Baz's head as well (such a waste, though..). Maybe donate it, or whatever they do with hair nowadays.
I don't remember when our rivalry began. I think Baz has hated me from the moment he laid eyes on me. Something about me not 'deserving to be here' cause I'm not a supernatural or a human.
There's two types of agents that work at the Watford organization- supernaturals, like vampires (As in Baz), demons, angels, werewolves, all that stuff, and humans, plus witches and sorcerers and all that. I don't fit into either of those, what with me being half and half. Half demon. Half human. I did expect Baz to be a little skeptical of how competent I was, but Baz didn't stop there. Every mistake made, every mission failed, of course he had something to say. And it was never anything nice. No 'you'll do better next time' or 'it's alright, everyone makes mistakes' or, for fuck's sake, anything that doesn't make me feel like complete and utter shit. And when missions go well with me he just claims that even I couldn't fuck up such an easy mission.
He's tried to kill me too, I'm sure. He pushed me off buildings, and when asked why he did it, he claimed it was 'an accident' he's such a liar! He just wanted to see if my wings would still work while wet! (they do) And he also wanted to get rid of me, I'm sure!
He's tried to feed me to ghouls, but that just backfired and they tried to eat him instead. I think demon flesh, even if it's just half, isn't edible for them. I always wonder what would've happened if Baz had really been eaten then. Now that would've been a tragic way to die. I don't like how it always makes my heart hurt, though, the thought of him dying to ghouls. I think I want to be the one to finish him off. He's already half-dead anyway.
Something else that I think fueled our rivalry, was how he flirted with Agatha constantly , while we were together. He didn't actually say anything flirty, Baz is way too posh to flirt with anyone, but I know flirtatious looks when I see them. I know what lust looks like! He wanted her, and he got her, but guess what? After she broke up with me, she tried to ask him out, and he said no! He's such a prick! Such a git! Such a tosser, wanker, dickhead!
Does he think Agatha's the kind of woman to be turned down? He's lucky she even looked at him twice!
Okay, maybe that's not very true.. While Baz is a pitch (ha! get it? pitch like bitch ), there's no denying he's handsome. He's got dark hair, and it's long enough it's all the way down to his shoulders. He keeps gelling it back, but in my opinion it looks way nicer when it's messy, when it falls down his face in soft waves. Not that it looks nice, ever, anyway… He's got intense eyes, light grey- or maybe dark grey, they confuse me, no matter how long I look at them. And, also, his gaze looks sharp, if that makes sense. I'm pretty sure if he stares hard enough at something it'll bend in two. (Can vampires do that?) I'd think his eyes were pretty if they looked at me with anything but hatred. Well, that's kind of a lie, I think they are pretty, but his personality soils them! They're a little droopy, and honestly, they look really sad, to me. Maybe that's just because I've never seen him smile at me, though. Or in general. He must have a depressing life. Or maybe I'm just not a sight he enjoys looking at.
Anyway.
He's got a long, kind of crooked nose. Which is really weird, because vampires heal quick, but I'm guessing that healed wrong, maybe, or something. I'm not sure how he got it, but even before I broke his nose it was still crooked. Maybe he was just born with it. I didn't break his nose for no reason, I'm not an asshole like him , but he was pissing me off. And, also, I kind of wanted to know if I could break it into shape. Didn't work, though.
His lips are pouty, bloody perfect. Thinking about guys' lips is wrong though, and it's weird, so I'll stop. But I bet he's a good kisser. I bet if he kisses someone, though, his nose would get in the way. I don't think that's really as annoying as much as it's funny.
I don't know how many people he's kissed. But I'm pretty sure he's kissed, like, at least 40. And slept with most of them, probably. No one in their right mind would pass up the chance of sleeping with the Baz Pitch. He's perfect, that's what he is. Don't even get me started about his body, the fucking git's built, stupid footballer body. Stupid abs, probably, stupid long legs. Stupid biceps.
He's not stupid, though. In fact, he's so smart I think if he really put his mind to it, he could trick Mage into letting him take over Watford, which actually is not good, so I won't give him any ideas or anything. Not like compliments are our thing.
Actually, I don't think this mission will be too bad. While going to save Agatha, I'll make sure I do, like, all the hard work, so that Agatha can see how much better I am than Baz, and then she'll go out with me again instead of running after the one man on earth that doesn't want her. She could have anyone. And, like, I'm okay looking. She said I was cute. She said she likes me, that counts as something, right?
Probably, yeah. Yeah, this'll be fine. I can finally prove to Baz and myself that I deserve to be here, that I'm not a fuck up, not a moron. I can prove to Agatha I'm worthy of her love, and she'll take me back. We'll get married, we'll get, like, a dog, or whatever humans like, and maybe kids, maybe. If she wants.
Yeah, that'd be perfect.
This mission's gonna be A-OK.
________________________
This mission is absolutely not going A-OK.
"Why do you get to drive?" I scowl at Baz, who hasn't been looking at me, even though we've been having a conversation. He thinks he's too good to look at people while talking to them. He thinks he's too good for me.
"Do I look like a parrot to you, Snow? I believe I've already told you about 400 times, I do not trust you to not run over at least 13 Normals while getting to the main road," I roll my eyes, he just completely refuses to call me Simon, which is really frustrating, also, he's exaggerating, he's only said it, like, 6 times, "Besides, we both know it's much safer if I drive, and you sit still, if you can even manage that. Is that too hard for you, Snow?"
"I- but- It- I want to drive!" This is not going well at all , I sound like a toddler throwing a fit. For the hundredth time ever, I curse myself for not being able to form normal, long sentences like normal not-Normal people. "You'll get tired anyway. Then I'll drive." I counter.
"Hm."
Hm?! What does Hm mean?! I resist the urge to reach over and push him, lest he loses control over the car and bumps into a human, squishes them. He'd get off and lick the blood from the pavement, probably. I snort at the image in my head, then immediately freeze. But of course, he heard it.
"Something funny, Snow? Do you find humor in this predicament?" His eyes are on the road, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on his lap. I imagine what would happen if I reached over and grabbed his hand, bit it hard enough to bleed (can vampires bleed?) (I want to find out.) (okay, i think I'm maybe a little weird).
"Not really, but even if there were humor, you wouldn't be able to laugh anyway."
"Lord, you're thick. Are you under the impression that supernaturals are not capable of something so simple as laughter?"
Why does he do that? Why does he add words to sentences that have absolutely no business there! Why can't he talk like a normal person!
"No, just you. I'm pretty sure you can't laugh, even if you tried."
"I'm certain you can't say something funny if your life depended on it, so I suppose it's not entirely my fault I don't laugh around you."
I try to think of a time where I told a joke to anybody, but for some reason my mind is blank. I don't know what to say.
"is too" I grumble, and turn to face the window. He's such a git. I can't believe I'm stuck with him the whole way there. 18 whole hours, that's what it is..
At least he's not playing music, or talking if I don't talk to him first, so when I close my eyes, I pretend he's not next to me, I pretend I'm not in a car on my way to unkidnap my ex. I pretend I'm in the dining room at Watford, eating scones, eating roast beef, drinking smoothies. I feel myself drift into a state of unconsciousness. I have to stay awake, though. Baz will drink my blood in my sleep.. Baz will…. i need….. Baz………
_________________
If I was ever asked what my superpower is, other than, like, the obvious demonity, I'd say it's my mind's ability to come up with the most unpredictable dreams when I'm exhausted. One time, I hadn't slept for 48 hours, and the moment I slipped into dreamland, I was a piece of toast getting picked on by dinosaurs. In another dream I was- I'm not sure, really, a TV?- and this middle aged man that looked suspiciously like a grown up version of Baz with a beard and a moustache was watching me while drinking. I remember he had a really stupid shirt on, but when I woke up I couldn't remember what it said, only that I couldn't stop laughing at it.
So, like, point is, I have the weirdest dreams ever, I think. And sometimes when I'm thinking about something before sleeping, it becomes part of the dream. Like, when I dreamt about the toast and the dinosaurs, I was thinking about Baz's first name, TYRANNUS. like the dinosaur! Can you imagine someone naming their kid Tyrannus? I know I can't, but it's happened, apparently. And then the time I dreamt about middle aged Baz drinking was cause I learnt for the first time from this other vampire that they can't get drunk, they just drink for fun, which led me to think about if Baz drinks or not, and then if he smokes or not, and then if he's immortal or not- you know, one thought leads to another, that leads to another.
So maybe that's what happened now, why I dreamt about being held by Baz. Why I was so happy as he lay next to me on his bed, stroking my curls and smiling at me and calling me his love, Simon . I was just thinking about Baz and Agatha, which then caused me to connect the two together, and dream about…. that. Baz as my…. that.
It doesn't matter that I was happy in my dream, or that I wanted to kiss him- in my dream, not actually - actually he's a git! But dream Baz was gentle with me, and soft, and he didn't call me Snow, or insult me…
So, anyway. I don't want to think about details, those don't really matter that much. Even if I liked how dream Baz called me his love but I don't ever want Agatha calling me that, it doesn't matter. It's probably just my thoughts mixing together. Like, and also stupidness. Like, nonsense and stuff. This is as crazy as the toast one.
I don't know how much time has passed, cause I don't remember when we entered, but it's night now, 12:30 AM. I look at Baz, expecting maybe a sign of tiredness, but he's in almost the exact same position he was in before I slept. He looks like he hasn't moved an inch, but his eyebrows are scrunched down, and his lips are pouting, a little more than they naturally are. I want to reach over and-
and what? Huh? Who said that? Not me….
"How long still?" I ask, and Baz only spares me a glance then his eyes are back on the road.
"14 hours. Go back to sleep, you numpty."
I frown. I slept four hours?
"I'm not going back to sleep! Who knows what you'd do…"
He glances at me again, turns his head enough to show me he's raising that stupid eyebrow , then he looks back to the road. He can't look at me for longer than 2 seconds, is that it?
"I'd have done something to you already if I wanted to, Snow. You make it almost stupidly easy."
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
"Exactly what it means. Even though you worry I'll do something to you in your sleep, you still slept, making it easy for me to drain you and feed your lifeless body to goblins."
"B-but you wouldn't!"
He raises an eyebrow again.
"Like- not- not like this ! You'd wanna, like, humiliate me first. You wouldn't kill me quietly." I don't really know what I'm saying…
"I suppose humiliating you would be fun." He's nodding his head like he's considering it, and maybe he actually would do it…
"Stop! Stop talking!"
"You started."
"Whatever! Just- ugh- why are you so- ugh!"
"Every second that passes I get more and more astounded by your vast vocabulary."
I feel so angry I could snap his neck. He shouldn't have that ability, the ability to render me speechless. even though almost everything makes me speechless…
"Can you just, like, play music or something? like a normal person?"
"Minus the part where I'm not a Normal person?"
"not that kind of Normal" I grumble, cross my arms, but it's not like I expected better from him. I don't really want to spend the rest of the way in silence, and it's not like me and Baz ever have conversations. I don't know how to talk to him. and, also, he's in charge of the vehicle, and I don't want to start a fight over music while he's driving, cause maybe then he'll get distracted, and make an accident. Though thinking about it, he can probably multitask just fine, but I don't wanna risk it. And also he didn't insult me in that last sentence, so maybe he's not angry at me right now, and fighting him would probably make him angry, so I should just shut up-
"You may play music, but only from my phone. Lord knows your taste in music is atrocious."
Is this real? Has Baz been replaced with an alter while I wasn't looking? This has to be Baz's clone, because there is no way Baz just told me I can use his phone to play music. This is perfect! He can't keep his eye on me for too long, so I can definitely go through his stuff! Like, to see if he's planning on murdering me. Not because I'm curious about anything else..
I take his phone from where it's sitting in the car's cup holder, but pause when it asks for the password. Who uses actual PASSWORDS for their phones nowadays anyway? Like, you can make it a pattern. Or a PIN. That's much easier to remember, right?
"Uhh, you have a password?"
He rolls his eyes, reaches his hand out for me to place the phone in. I'm tempted to just play dumb and keep fiddling with the phone, just to see what he'd do, but I know I shouldn't test him. I let him have his phone, and he looks at it once, then hands it back to me. Unlocked!
"I- what?" I ask, stupidly, probably, because he raises an eyebrow at me (Damn that eyebrow).
"It recognizes my face?"
"Oh- right! Forgot that was an option.." I look down at the phone before he hurls insults at me, and now that the keyboard isn't in the way, I can properly see the wallpaper. And…
It's Baz, with 3 little girls (his victims?). They look alike, so I'm going to assume that they're his siblings. Not victims then. He did mention siblings to his cousin once.. (I wasn't spying) (not on purpose) (okay, maybe a little on purpose) (he was looking at me weird the whole day!) so those must be them.
What takes me more aback, more than his siblings, is how..happy he looks. So I guess he can smile. There is not a hint of a smirk on his face, no furrow in his eyebrows, no sneer, nothing to indicate anything other than happiness. His arms are around one of them, and the two others are on his lap. I find I want to know how old they are, cause Baz doesn't look the least bit uncomfortable with them on his lap, so I assume that he can hold them. Huh. I wonder how much weight Baz can take on his lap…
His face is smiling at me from the screen, and my insides feel weird. I guess it is weird to see your enemy so happy. Baz isn't commenting on the fact I haven't played any music yet, so I push my luck, start looking through his apps.
He's got a bunch of apps in a language I don't understand, but also, he's got Instagram (I don't have Instagram..) he's got Whatsapp (I have no idea what that is) he's got TikTok (I know what that is! I don't really spend my time on it..) (I don't have a phone)
He's got Facebook, and other funny sounding apps, but also Spotify , which I know has music. I spare a glance at Baz, but his gaze is still trained on the road, I don't think he's looked at me even once, so I open Instagram really quick, and the first post that pops up is of someone he follows, some woman. She's wearing a bikini and I can't bring myself to look at her, really, and when I open her profile I find she's added to his close friends. Is she a close friend? Is she more? She's probably his girlfriend, right? I open my mouth to ask but then remember I'm going through his things without his permission (I feel a little bad) and also, it's none of my business (I wanna know..)
I decide to scroll to see if he's just a pervert with half-naked girls on his whatever-its-called (feed?), but the next post is from someone whose username is 'deviousd', and it's a photo of Dev- oh! Dev-ious. I force myself not to giggle. Dev's as much of an asshole as Baz is. Okay, Baz is more of an asshole than he is, but still! Not a competition.
It's actually 3 photos, so I swipe to look at the next, and- it's Baz…and he looks gorgeous. Which, like, nothing new, of course, but he's actually wearing eyeliner , and that's something that I don't ever see on him. I don't know why, but I never saw Baz as the kind of person who wears eyeliner. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I don't know much about eyeliner, but Baz looks good . His grey eyes pop out that much more, and I don't really know the first thing about colour theories but he's doing something right, definitely. I know it takes a lot of effort to make both eyes look the same, I used to watch Agatha do her makeup and whine when she couldn't make the other eye match. I try to imagine Baz huffing cause he's had to remove his eye makeup for the 3rd time, and this time I do snort- fuck me -
"Snow, are you going through my phone? " He's sneering at me, his brows are furrowed. Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have gone through his phone, but..
"I- well- I didn't mean to…" I hand it over to him before he slaps me (he looks like he's seconds away from doing just that), and he checks what I was looking at. He gives me a side eye that could probably make a pope feel ashamed, and closes the app.
He's got this blank look on his face as he connects his phone to the car, opens some song that I don't catch the name of, and closes the phone's screen, puts it face down. Somehow, him not having any emotions on his face is worse than him being annoyed with me. I mean. What even did I do wrong? Or, like, ok, ok, I know, but also, he just suddenly decided I wasn't worth being annoyed with?! He's so unfair.
At least the song is okay. The guy's voice is nice, but I'm not sure what he's saying, even though he's speaking English. some 'you know I talk too much' thing. Ironic, because Baz doesn't talk to me even a little bit. Not right now, anyway.
"You would've done the same…" I say, though I'm not sure why I'm even bothering. Who cares if he doesn't think I'm worth his energy? Hell, He is not worth my energy. I still wait anxiously for his reply, not looking at him.
"Actually, I wouldn't, because unlike you, I do not judge people for things that do not affect me."
I frown at him. When did I even judge him?
"UHM, actually, you judge me !"
"What do I judge you for, Snow?"
"A lot???? Failing missions?!!"
"Yes, because when you fail a mission, you fail to do something that would've benefited us, so therefore, you failing a mission does affect me and everyone who works at Watford. Oh, and by the way, I wouldn't call it judging as much as I'd call it pointing out your obvious incompetence."
"When did I even judge you, anyway?!"
He looks at me like I've said something particularly stupid. He's the one being unreasonable!
"Laughing at someone counts as judging, Snow."
"What? I wasn't laughing at anyone."
He raises an eyebrow at me.
"So the sound you made just then was not laughter, it was…"
He's waiting for me to finish the sentence. "I mean, yeah, but, like, it wasn't at anyone."
"Sure, Snow."
"Why would I laugh at you? You didn't do anything laughable!"
"I don't know, Snow, you tell me why you were laughing, while looking at a picture of me. Quite sounds like you were laughing at me, than with me, since I wasn't laughing at all." This is the closest thing to a rant I feel I'll ever hear Baz say.
I still don't really get what he means, because I wasn't even laughing at his picture, I was just laughing at the thought of him annoyed at not getting his eyeliner right! And, like, not at him, just like, cause it'd be funny. And a little ado-
"I wasn't laughing at you cause you wear eyeliner." I say, because, okay, now I realise how much of a bitch I seem.
"Right, Snow."
"It's true! I was thinking about something completely different!"
"That sounds plausible."
"You're being sarcastic. And a bitch. And I did nothing for you to be either!"
"What were you thinking about, then? Assuming what you're saying is true, of course?"
"Well…," Should I just say it? Will he get even more annoyed with me? "It's just that your eyeliner looked good, and I was thinking of how Agatha complains a lot about eyeliner, you know, cause she can't ever seem to match both eyes, apparently. But, like, it's usually not even noticeable, you know? She's really pretty, so no one notices her eyeliner anyway, and it's not even, like, extreme eyeliner, If she doesn't do it in front of me I wouldn't notice that she's even wearing any, so I was just thinking-"
"Alright, that's enough. I get it. You're ruining my music." He turns the volume up, and we don't say anything for a while, until I fall asleep again. I'm hungry…
______________
Okay. So the dream I had this time. Um. Okay. I shouldn't think about eating and Baz at the same time ever again.
I think it's cause It's been a while since me and Agatha have been together, so I've been a little horny.. that's probably what the dream was about. And, also, even as a straight man, I can't deny that Baz is fit, and extremely handsome, so it's not surprising my mind went there, right? That's normal! I can appreciate another man's fitness without it being gay. Maybe what I dreamt about was gay, but the keyword is DREAMT. As in DREAM-t. Dream. Not real. Won't ever happen and if it did , I would sooo not enjoy it.
I can't exactly explain the hardness in my pants, but I don't think Baz noticed, so hopefully I won't have to. Now that would be awkward.
BAZ
Simon Snow has just woken up from a wet dream, and I’ll be damned if I let him try to pleasure himself to the thought of Welbellove in my car.
I’m sure he thinks he’s being subtle, but he’s letting out little breaths, and I’d tell him off if I knew how to without making inappropriate sounds of my own. If I didn’t know better, I’d think Snow was doing this on purpose, that he’s found out that I’m gay, not that I'm hiding it, that I’m hopelessly in love with him, that one I'm hiding, and he’s trying to fluster me.
But I do know better. Snow is the most oblivious person to have ever existed. Apparently, till now, he does not know I’m gay, even though I dated a guy, Lamb, one of the other vampires working at Watford, also, he’s the only tolerable one. I hugged him, held hands with him, kissed him on the cheek, all in front of Snow, and the moment he got me cornered, he asked if vampires could drink other vampires’ blood, if Lamb was my next victim. I mean, who even thinks like that?!
At first I thought he was playing dumb so he’d look cute in front of Agatha, but now I think that’s just how he is. He’s the stupidest person on the fucking planet, and i’m next in line.
Because I let myself fall in love with him. Out of all the men in the world, I decided to fall in love with the most idiotic, most handsome, most brave, and lastly, most straight guy to have ever existed. If father didn’t have a reason to want me dead before, the moment he finds out i’m into not just guys, but also Simon fucking Snow, he’d definitely ask for my head on a stick.
Right now Simon’s stopped groaning, thank the maker, but his pants look highly uncomfortable, and I hope he doesn’t get off in this car. I don't think he would actually do that, not knowingly, at least. Still.
I’m somewhat dying to tease him about it, but I don’t think it’ll be as enjoyable while I'm driving.
Well, I suppose I'll have the chance to watch him stutter and blubber in that way I hate (love) once we stop for food. I can already tell he’s starving.
SIMON
Okay, so I didn't exactly notice that I was making any noises and I think Baz definitely got what was going on. But, honest, I didn't realize I was doing anything! I just re-adjusted my trousers, and then it felt good, so I thought if I was subtle, it’d be fine. Baz doesn’t look too happy with me, but then he asks if I'm hungry, and I just stare. Is Baz asking if I want food?
“Well, if you’re going to just stare at me, then I suppose we don’t have to get anything.” the car starts moving again, and I finally register what Baz said.
“I do! I do want food! Sorry!”
“Of course you do. After… exhausting yourself, I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” he looks like he’s holding in a laugh, and i kind of don’t understand-
“Ass!”
“Hm. For some reason I’m sure that isn’t what you were dreaming about. Unless Wellbellove prefers that, of course.”
I feel my body get impossibly hot, but I don’t correct him. I don’t think i can explain how my dreams work to him, without making it totally weird, “I- I- was- wasn’t dreaming about-”
“Save your face, Snow, you were horrendously loud.”
“I was actually having a- a nightmare! Yeah! A nightmare!”
“Oh?” he’s amused by this, judging by the glint in his eye and the little smirk on his lips. I want to punch him. I want to ki-
-ll him… duh…
“Uh-huh! About, uhm, you, draining me! Yea!” im nodding so much i worry my neck will break, but i need him to believe me and just close his fucking mouth. I’m not too good at secrets, and I'm a horrible liar. I saw in a video that if you nod while you’re saying something, the other person is more likely to believe it. Hopefully I'm not overdoing it.
He actually laughs at me. Laughs! He tosses his head back and squeezes his eyes shut and his mouth is open (his fangs aren’t there) (apparently vampires can retract them?!) (i didn’t know that till like a couple months ago) (i thought the fangs were just always there) and he’s…. Fucking annoying, that’s what he is.
I haven’t ever heard him laugh, but I'm sure this isn’t what he sounds like when he finds something funny, he’s merely mocking me right now. For whatever reason! I'm convincing! My story is believable, right?
“And while I was draining you, you uttered the words ‘so good’?! Hilarious, Snow, ever thought of doing stand-up comedy? You’d thrive.” he’s got tears in the corner of his eyes and he’s inhaling deeply.
.
I said what ? Fuck meeee .
“Uhm, well,” crap, i have no idea how to save myself this time, “yo- ag- in my dream, uhm, s- she-” i feel too disgusted to finish my sentence, and i realize suddenly that i don’t want to do that to Agatha. Even though I want her to be my girlfriend again. Luckily, Baz interrupts me and my train of thought before it spirals. All hints of laughter are gone from his face, replaced by a mean sneer. That’s okay.
“I could not care less about what you think of how Agatha fucking tastes, keep that to yourself, thank you very much.'' Is he jealous about Agatha? I knew he liked her! I tell him as much, and he stares blankly at me for a couple seconds before groaning loudly and bumping his head against the steering wheel. Has he gone mad?
BAZ
He cannot be this thick (in probably both ways). I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I can’t spend even one more moment in the same fucking space as him.
I park us at the nearest gas station and drum my fingers against the steering wheel. As much as i want to leave, i don’t trust Simon to not fuck up my car.
“I’m going for a drink. You’re going to take this,"I hand him my card. Better for him to spend money on food than to ruin my 3rd most valuable item, that most likely costs more than his savings x10, ”and buy whatever snacks you want. Do not wreck my car, snow, or I swear to everything that is holy you won’t live to see another day, you hear me?” threatening him usually works. He nods quickly, takes my card, looks in my eyes with this hesitant look, lord he’s giving me puppy eyes, and a headache. I turn around, open the door, but he reaches his other hand out and holds me back. I pretend that the shiver that just ran up my spine is disgust, not my brain short-circuiting.
“I- uhm- I-” He’s unbelievably annoying. He’s unbelievably adorable.
“Use your fucking words, Snow.”
“I was- uhm- I didn’t- merlin, Baz, just go!”
I pretend that doesn’t hurt.
“Gladly.”
SIMON
What the fuck was i thinking, considering apologizing to him? As if I did anything wrong. This isn’t the first time I accuse him of liking Agatha, so I don't really know why he got so upset.
That’s what my thoughts are as I walk back to the car, holding enough snacks to feed 2 elephants, probably. I won’t eat all of them, Baz needs to eat, too, and also, i don’t know if we’re going to stop again sometime soon or not, so it’s best to be prepared, right?
I realize too late that the car locked when it closed, which means I'm stuck with 4 bags filled with snacks till Baz gets back. I don't know if he's going to be quick or not, so I sit down next to the car, not on the car, Baz'd probably never let me hear the end of it.
As I fill my mouth with marshmallows, I think back on my dream. Not cause I want to relive it, but I did have a thought while talking about it that I didn't think about properly before thinking about it, if that makes sense.
I don't want to do that to Agatha.
So I think maybe I'm just not into butts, but I don't want to do anything similar either. Well, with her. I think I'm definitely curious about that stuff.
Does that mean I don't like Agatha? I do, though. It's not all about sex. I enjoy spending time with her, and her lips are soft. She's a good kisser, I guess. And she's pretty. That's all, right?
When I was talking to Penny, my best friend, about how I like Agatha, she asked me if I really did have a crush on her, or if I was mistaking something for something else. She told me the like I felt for Agatha didn't sound like I had a crush on her, or that I loved her like a boyfriend should. She told me that it didn't just feel nice to kiss her boyfriend, it felt absolutely mind-blowing each time. So then that led me to thinking about how good of a kisser her boyfriend was, but she said it wasn't about how skilled her boyfriend was, it was her feelings for him. It had only felt that way with Agatha the first time I kissed her, but Penny thinks that's because it was my first kiss.
I hope she isn't right. if she is, then I don't know what to do with myself.
I had sex with Agatha, but it… wasn't what I expected. it wasn't fun, or lovely, or anything like that. Agatha wasn't making that much noise, I wasn't either, it was just kind of….boring. I wasn't having sex with her, I was just going through the motions. I didn't feel as aroused as I do when I wank.
Huh. Now that I think about it, I don't think about anyone or anything when I wank, not really. And when I do, I don't think about people I know. There is this one girl that keeps popping in my head, but she doesn't actually exist, or I'd have put a name to a face. I'd also feel bad for Agatha, but she isn't even real, my fantasy, so it's no big deal.
She's got black hair, a little past her shoulder, wavy. Pouty pale pink lips, grey, piercing eyes. smooth skin, long fingers. A long, crooked nose. This sounds a lot like I'm describing Baz, for some reason-
I choke on a crisp, I cough it out.
No way.
There's no logical explanation for why my brain is doing this right now. And has been, for… Merlin, 5 years.
Have I been under a spell the whole time? Has Baz been cursing me? Is this black magic? That's unlikely.
I don't know what to think. So I don't.
I put it in my list of things to not think about.
…
I think about it anyway.
_______________
By the time Baz comes back, I've eaten enough snacks that I fear I'm going to throw up, and I'm also freezing, which is surprising, because usually I feel really hot all the time.
He looks like he's freezing too, but he's much more put together than I am, even then. His breath comes out in little puffs of air, and his nose, cheeks, and chin are a really light pink. I think it's cause he just drank, too. When he sees me, he raises an eyebrow, and I think I'm supposed to find that more annoying than I do.
After I decided to not think about how I've been masturbating to a version of Baz in my head, I started making a list of all the things I hate about Baz, so I can refresh my mind. Give it a reboot. A whack on the shoulder.
- He tried to kill me multiple times. I think that's the thing I hate most about him, the most I can remember. And, like, sure, he claimed it was an accident, but it didn't seem like one in that moment, and he didn't make any move to stop me from falling or save me from anything, so he doesn't care. And that's really frustrating, because I didn't even do anything to him.
- He's mean. For some reason, this feels a little stupid to add, and a bit childish, but he's really mean to me for no reason! From the first day I started working at Watford he's been a complete and utter git. I can't remember ONE time he said something nice to me.
- hm…… he hates me. Yeah. That's a reason.
- His facial expressions make me feel judged and stupid and small and I hate it.
- He hates my dad. That's annoying.
Baz is crouching down next to me, and he's saying something, but I can't hear him over the sound of the wind. I feel like I'm going to throw up on him. He's shaking his head, taking off his jacket.. what?
BAZ
I may have forgotten the doors lock when they close, but I didn't think Simon would be stupid enough to not just wait in the gas station, for fuck's sake.
For the first time since, ever, I think, he's cold to the touch. His eyes are watering, he won't stop shivering. Can half-demons die from hypothermia? Surely not. I wrap him in my coat anyway, and he looks at me like I'm being suspicious. I suppose I am. I gave him a sneer, to let him know I'm still Baz, that I haven't lost it. He actually seems more at ease when I do, which I'll dwell on later, because he looks seconds away from passing out or throwing up.
"Snow? Come on, get in the car." He groans and shakes his head.
"Would you like me to leave you here, then? That works for me." It absolutely does not. I'd never in a million years, but it gets him moving, scrambling to his feet.
But he doesn't stand for long, his legs giving out from under him. Either he slipped in the snow, or he's drunk, or, which would be the worst scenario, he's that cold that he can't function properly. Not that he ever functions properly. I reach out and hold him up by his arms, pray I don't get myself killed for this, and pick him up bridal style. I think for sure he's about to take his sword out and slice my neck off, but he doesn't, just looks at me weird, then reaches over and wraps his arms around my neck, burying his face in my shoulder. Right, he's officially lost his mind.
I internally slap myself, be still, my undead heart, it doesn't listen, so I all but throw him into his seat, checking, and then double checking, that he's still asleep. I fasten his seatbelt and try to pull away, but he whines, whines , and pulls me back down. Lord have mercy.
SIMON
I open my eyes and the first thing I can think of is: I've been kidnapped. I reach over for my sword, start the incantation, and then I remember where I am. Baz. Food. Agatha.
The car isn't moving, and it's so quiet I can hear Baz breathing. I worry for a terrifying second that the car broke down, but I think Baz is just resting. Bless my demon genes, I can see him in the dark, his head tipped back. I didn't know you could make seats into beds, but apparently you can, because his seat is all the way down. I can't believe he didn't tell me, just let me fall asleep uncomfortably 3 times! I'm going to point it out when he wakes up, but for now, I let him rest.
He looks nice like this, soft. His hands are resting atop each other, casket ready. Even in his sleep, he finds a way to piss me off. I have a sudden urge to reach over and put his hands somewhere more natural, like, under his head, or twisted, or anything , so he can seem more human. Minus the part where he's not, but. You know. Details.
I don't know how long I stare at him, but it feels like too long and not enough when I hear his breath stutter, see his eyelashes flutter open. It's morning now, and I'd lie and say that I got bored sitting there doing nothing, but really, it's plenty interesting to watch Baz when he's not saying mean things. And when he's saying mean things. But it's better when he isn't, cause then I can pretend he's not a villain, that he's just a boy, like everyone else. I'm not sure why, but when I see him so relaxed, I find I feel at ease. Probably cause when he's asleep he can't plot my death. Yeah, that's it. Definitely.
He's sitting up now, looking around, and I love seeing him so disheveled. His eyes finally land on me and he exhales, slowly, before turning over and unfastening his seatbelt. I sit there, confused, as he opens the car and leaves, walks all the way to my side, and frowns at me. I frown back, am I supposed to understand what he wants?
He rolls his eyes, and knocks on the window. "You wanted to drive, no? Hurry before I change my mind."
I sit there for a couple seconds, not comprehending, but then I'm sprinting to unfasten my seatbelt and move to the driver seat, chanting 'thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou' all the way. Finally! I get to drive! He's sneering at me, but It lacks its usual meanness, actually, he looks seconds away from laughing. I don't care that he wants to laugh at me. I've been dying to drive his car ever since I laid eyes on it, and I kind of can't believe he's letting me. I'll most likely wreck his car, and then he'll drain me, but even that can't get my mood down.
There's only one teeny tiny problem.
"uhh, so how do I drive this thing?"
He's looking at me like he's going to strangle me.
___________________
"Baaaaaaz" I can't feel my arse, my legs are cramping like hell, and, also, I'm starving so bad I'm not above eating any crumbs that fall out of Baz's mouth (would never happen. Baz is practically inhaling the crisps).
"Snow, have you tried these crisps before? Utterly astounding."
"Ass!"
This torture has been going on for a little over an hour and I already can't stand it. How Baz managed 6 or more hours is beyond me (full fledged vampirism, probably).
Ever since Baz showed me how to drive this, he's been opening my snacks (okay, it's his money, but he told me to buy them!), as in, my bag of snacks, even though I bought him his own, and eating it ever so slowly. He's doing it on purpose, he's not even trying to hide that. I think he likes seeing me suffer.
BAZ
Alright, maybe I feel the tiniest bit bad for teasing Snow with food, but he's unbelievably endearing when he's whining my name, and my selfish heart won't leave him alone.
He's resorted to giving me puppy eyes, which would work, if I actually look at him properly. I don't. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye and look back to the empty bag of crisps in my hand.
"Here, Snow, I feel bad. You can have this." I hand it to him and busy myself with rummaging through the other snacks, trying not to laugh out loud as I hear his head hit the steering wheel.
"Why are you so mean to me!" I can't hold it anymore, I laugh, loudly, and Snow looks like he's seen a ghost. I suppose I am pale.
"You didn't actually believe I'd feel bad for you, did you?" I do feel bad. I'll stop after this chocolate bar, lest I gain weight. Alright, I can't gain weight from just one chocolate bar, but I will stop. I fear he may cry if I tease him for longer, and then it’d be proper awkward.
I surrender when he gives me his infamous puppy eyes again, but, because I'm a constant disappointment to myself and my ancestors, I bite a piece out of the chocolate bar first before handing it to him, raising an eyebrow at him. Even though this is most definitely one of the dumbest ideas I've had, I still want to know what he’ll do.
He takes my raised eyebrow as a challenge, looks intently at the chocolate bar, and then-
Licks it.
Merlin and Morgana, I think I'm going to faint.
SIMON
I’ll be damned if I let Baz win this- this- whatever game we’re playing. If Baz really thought a bit of saliva was going to stop me from eating, he doesn’t know even the first thing about me. Stupid Baz, now he’s looking at me like I drained a cow. Something he’d probably do… Do vampires get antsy and annoying when they’re thirsty? Cause that’s definitely baz all year round. He looks away from me, still in a trance. Did me licking the chocolate bar affect him that much? Oh- Wait! I know!
“You thought I'd die, didn’t you?” I say, smirking cause I've figured his plot out, for once. He turns to look at me, confused as ever. Does he want me to spell it out for him?
“I beg your pardon?”
“Oh my god, you’re so frustrating- nobody says pardon these days! What are you, a viscount from the 80s?!”
“Swearing like a normal now, Snow? And I'd bet 20 grand you don’t know what a viscount is, or how people talked in the 80s.”
“I- whatever! No one says grand either, by the way!”
“Actually-”
“Shush for once! I figured your plot out! Too bad for you it didn’t work!” he’s gone back to looking at me like i’m particularly stupid. He's a good actor, if i’m honest.
“Oh, please, enlighten me, what was I plotting this time?” He sounds bored, but I'd bet he’ll be all hot and bothered in a minute. (that sounds a little like how he was in my dream…) (not the time)
“So,” I start, “you handed me an empty chips bag- not because you’re an ass and like to watch me suffer- even though you are and do- you did that to get my guard down! Because, by planting the thought of food even more in my head, you thought i wouldn’t mind you biting the chocolate bar and then giving it to me, and- and-” I’ve said too many words in one go, Baz is looking straight ahead, saying nothing, “so you bit and then gave it to me, so! So that I would eat it! But what you thought would happen was that your fangs, because they’re poisonous or whatever, you thought by biting it you’d kill me! But- but guess what? Because I'm half demon, that didn’t work! And the chocolate tasted good!” I'm nodding to myself, and when I look at Baz, he looks sick. And afraid. Gotcha. You can't hide from me now, Pitch!
Surprisingly, seeing him paler than usual doesn't make me feel as good as it should. What's happening to me?
BAZ
Have I lost my mind? What was I thinking? (Hint: I wasn’t.)
Simon, while he’s half demon, he’s still half human, half mortal, and my saliva is poisonous for humans. It doesn’t seem to affect him, maybe his demonic genes are fighting against it, but that doesn’t change the fact that it could’ve worked, i could’ve murdered him. Simon Snow. I feel like I'm going to throw up.
“Pull over” I say, and try to hold it in until he stops the car. I don’t want my car smelling like vomit. He looks confused, but does as I say without questions (he’s an idiot. If I were him, I'd ask the person who allegedly just tried to murder me if they’re asking me to pull over so they could properly murder me. Crowley) The moment the car stops i open the door, rush as far away as i can get, and empty my stomach. Well. I suppose I didn't expect all these snacks to stay down anyway.
I don’t realize Simon is standing behind me until I stop retching to breathe, and I hear his feet shuffling, his heart beat racing. I didn’t even hear him get out of the car. I’m faintly aware I most definitely look hideous at the moment, but Snow can’t see my face, so all is well. Maybe he came closer to cut my head off, what with me kneeling on the floor and my back to him. I feel his fingers on my neck, and- Crowley , finally, he’s putting me out of my misery- he’s scooped my hair up, pulled it back. Not harshly, like I expect him to. I wait for the pain to come, the blood to leak, but he doesn’t do anything, just holds my hair, combs it through with his fingers. His other hand is rubbing circles on my back. Am I mistaken? Is this a perverted stranger?
No, I can definitely smell him-
-What the ever-blinding fuck is he doing?
SIMON
I don't know what I'm doing.
All I know is that Baz is sick, and he's never been sick before, and I need him to.. I don't know, just. I need him to stop being so weird. Okay, so maybe I'm the one who's being weird, but he hasn't pushed me away, so technically, he's also being weird. Maybe we're both tired from moving so much. Or maybe he ate too much snacks, or, like, too much for him.
He's just breathing now, the loudest he's ever been, and I don't know what to say. Do I ask him what happened? Do I play it off as this being extremely casual? I suddenly get the feeling that this is really weird. My fingers are still in his hair (I like his hair. it's soft, perfect. Like everything else about him. What a bitch.), my hand has stopped moving, but it's still resting on his back. He's cold, he's never not cold, but right now it's like my hands are on ice. I pull away, slowly, and that triggers him to move.
He stands up, and looks at his clothes as if in disgust. Then he looks at me, suspiciously, he narrows his eyes at me as if trying to figure me out. He won't. I don't even have me figured out.
"There's clean clothes in the trunk?" I offer, and he stays frozen in place for 1, 2, 3
"I'm aware," His voice sounds raspy, and he clears his throat, "Get out of my way" He pushes past me, even though he literally could've just moved to the side a little bit, and makes his way back to the car. Why did I ever feel worried about him? He couldn't be more of an asshole even if he tried, for fuck's sake!
_________________
It's been 21 minutes since we started moving again, and now that Baz's driving, I have nothing to do. I've resorted to counting every second that passes, but I can't concentrate on even that, counting, and I keep jumping over the numbers.
I can't handle the silence. Baz still looks sick, and his eye keeps twitching. Also, he's not playing music anymore, so I can't even try to concentrate on that.
"Baz.." I start, and he glances at me, then back at the road. Okay then.
"What am I plotting this time, Snow?"
"I- nothing- I- just-" I take a deep breath. I can't fuck this up. "I just wanted you to, uhm, play music? Can I?" I give him what I hope is my best puppy eyes ever. He narrows his eyes at me, and then-
"No."
"Wha- Why?! Baaaaz! I promise promise promise I won't go through your stuff this time! Just music! Promise!"
"And I'm supposed to trust you, is that what you want?"
"I- yes…"
"Let me think about it." He taps his chin with his finger, purses his lips. I hate it when he does that. "I thought about it."
"And?"
"No."
"Ugh! I wasn't even laughing at you the first time and you know that! AND- and it's, like, really boring to just sit there and do nothing, so- so- so we should play music. We can play your music! I don't care!"
"Crowley, Snow, it's just music. I'm not in the mood for that."
"Then open a video." I'm not losing this.
"Oh, for- Snow, why?"
"What?"
"Why do you want me to open music? I'm sure you don't like my taste either way."
I mean, in my dream I did.. Not thinking about it! Nope! Nope! Nope!
"C-cause! It's so silent here!"
"You don't like the silence?"
"No!"
"Then talk." He sneers at me, then looks back at the road, his brows furrowed.
I mean, he's right, I could talk, but Baz won't reply to me, so then there's no point. But maybe him asking me to talk means that he wants to listen to me. Maybe he would reply.
What should I talk about?
"When I opened Instagram," I start, and I hear him inhaling deeply,"The first- um- post that popped up was a- Uhm- this woman," He exhales, what, what did he think I was going to say? Was he plotting on Instagram? Damnit, I should've went through his private messages!, "She was, uhm, is she your, uh, girlfriend?"
Baz sighs loudly. "No, Snow, I don't have a girlfriend, and I won't have a girlfriend."
"Cause you want Agatha?"
"No! How many blasting times do I have to repeat this, I couldn't care less about Wellbelove like that!"
"But how! She's the prettiest ever!" It's true, Agatha's the prettiest woman I've ever seen in my life, how could he not want her?
He puts his face in his hands and groans loudly- "Stop being dramatic!"
"I won't ever want her because I'm gay, Snow. For Crowley's sake, you're an idiot."
"I- You- What?"
He rolls his eyes so far up I worry he's going to go blind, but how does he expect me to react when he just said he's gay? So he likes men? He doesn't like Agatha? That doesn't make sense!
"But that doesn't make sense, you flirted with Agatha all the time!"
"Name one instance."
"Okay, not flirted, but you looked at her all the time!"
"I wasn't looking at her ."
"Who, then?" Who was he looking at? I don't like how uncomfortable I feel at the fact that Baz was looking at someone else, even if it's not Agatha. Huh. Probably don't want my enemy to rob whoever innocent gi- guy into his plans. Yeah.
He's holding the steering wheel so tight I'm worried it's going to break. For the first time, I can see an emotion on Baz's face that I haven't seen before: sadness. Is he sad? What did I say?
BAZ
This is hopeless. Simon Snow will never use his brain. I've given him hints no one could possibly not get, and yet they all fly over his head.
Maybe this is for the best. It's not as if he'd ever like me, anyway. If anything, him not finding out is the better outcome, because if he does find out, he won't let me see the next day, and if he shows me mercy, my father won't. I'm, obviously, not going to cry, but my eyes sting and I'm biting the inside of my cheek so hard I can taste my own blood in my mouth. Rotten.
"I- does he- uh- not like you back, then?" I almost forgot Simon beside me. Well, that's not true, I could never forget Simon, but I almost forgot he was right there next to me.
"What do you think , Snow? Of course he doesn't." This is safe. This is alright. We're being civil, and I'm torturing myself a little bit, but it's not like Snow will find out, no matter how close I get. I bet even if I described him as having blue eyes, bronze curls, and moles for days, he wouldn't get it.
"Why 'of course'?" He's frowning, as if he doesn't know. As if he hasn't gone out of his way for years to let me know what he thinks of me.
"You out of all people shouldn't be asking me that."
"I- but- you know- I don't like you cause you plot against me. Why would he not like you?"
Because you're him you stupid, insufferable-
"He probably overheard you talking about how I tried to 'poison' you and decided I was a monster not worth meddling with," I'm being sarcastic, of course, 'he' is the one who talked about it, and I never tried to poison him, but everything else is true.
"But you did try to poison me! I didn't lie!"
"You just ate too much that day, Snow, I didn't poison you."
"There's no such thing as too much with eating! You definitely poisoned me!"
"If I had tried poisoning you, I would've succeeded, you brainless moron." We can't go 2 fucking seconds without shouting at each other. I'm sick.
SIMON
We can't go 2 fucking seconds without shouting at each other. I'm tired.
"Baz?" I say, and he hums instead of answering me.
"You're not- um- I don't think your crush thinks you're- uh- a monster." What am I saying? I don't know what I'm saying.
Baz doesn't reply, just stays silent.
"Because you're, you know.." I struggle with words a lot, but this time I know exactly what I want to say. I just don't think he'll react well to it.
Why wouldn't he like you, Baz? You're fit as all hell, you're smart, you get mistaken for a MODEL, for fuck's sake! You're nice, to other people, and almost everyone at Watford likes you. Even Agatha likes you. If he doesn't like you, and you're this upset over it, then surely he's not right, right? You can't want to be his boyfriend if he makes you so unhappy, and you guys aren't even dating yet. You deserve better.
I so am not going to say that.
You're not a monster. I don't think you're a monster. Just a boy.
I can't say that either.
"Can we just- I- Truce?" I hold my hand out, and he looks at it like it's the most disgusting thing to ever exist. His nose is scrunched up and everything! I get the urge to call him a git but stop. If I want this truce to work, I probably shouldn't call him that so soon.
"Why?"
"Cus."
"Well, isn't that a solid reason." He's being sarcastic, but I smile either way. Maybe he'll take pity on me. And also, he doesn't sound half as annoyed as normal, so I think we'll be good.
"Put your hand away, Snow, I'm busy."
"But truce?"
" Yes, Snow. Truce."
I can feel my face lifting into a grin.
And then the car stops.
"Oh, for fuck's sake!"
________________
One of the tires got tangled up in… something. It looks like clothes, but Baz says it's something that has blood in it, cause he can smell it.
"So we hit an animal?"
"More like an animal hit us ," He's trying to wrestle the poor thing from under the tire gently, which is stupid, cause it's probably already dead. Maybe he wants to drink its blood. Oh!
My giggle makes him turn around, "Do you always find horrid situations funny, Snow?"
"No I just- earlier I was- I imagined you licking blood off the road and-" I let out the wheeziest laugh in existence because there he is! He is literally on his knees in front of blood! Only a couple inches and his face will be kissing the ground!
BAZ
Simon lets out the wheeziest laugh I've ever heard, and I hate myself for loving it as much as I do. Even though technically he's laughing at me (At the image of me licking blood off the pavement, which I have to admit, is a little silly) (Not worth that much laughter, though.) (Crowley, do I love his laugh.)
"Baz? Did I offend you? Baaaz~" Simon's still laughing, but at least he's calmed down enough to talk.
" No. Now stop being useless and come help me." He's never useless, but I'm not going any softer on him lest he puts his last brain cells to use.
__________________
"You played music already, at least let me choose the playlist! Not even the songs!"
"That's stupid, because you're going to play the songs you like from a playlist ," We've been going back and forth and honestly. I didn't know Snow had it in him to fight over music. I've never heard him talking about it once. Maybe he's doing it to bother me.
"You can't blame me, your music is so depressing!"
"And I'm depressing. Go figure."
Simon growls, growls , and all but snatches my phone from where it's sitting in the cup holder.
"Snow, I'm warning you, put it back."
SIMON
I love being on a truce. It's not like Baz changed all that much since before the truce, but now I can ask him questions and he replies! Like, somewhat. Sometimes he just calls me a moron and doesn't reply, like when I asked him "What does your crush look like? Do I know him?" Which is a weird response, but he replied to me when I asked him how we were going to get Agatha out of there, and also when I ask him about songs, which has become my new favorite thing. He keeps ranting about how each (good) song has a meaning and that everyone can interpret it differently, which is what makes it even more interesting. And he points out things to me, "When he says 'oh she's gonna get a smack and I'm gonna give you three- yes, right there! Did you hear that?" And I loved the look on his face, so I tell him to rewind it back, and he does, looks at me expectantly with this glint in his eye, and if I'm being honest. This is much, much, much better than fighting.
"You can hear 3 smacks, like he just said he was going to do, all with the beat! Brilliant." He says the last word under his breath, and I let out a "yeah."
Truth is, I don't like music all that much. But I like Baz. When he tells me about music. And isn't too mean to me. Yeah.
________________
"There is no way you seriously like vanilla more than chocolate." We stopped for ice cream, because yes , and he bought a fucking VANILLA flavored one. I thought he'd buy something weird, like, oreo ice cream or mint chocolate or something that only crazy people enjoy. Maybe he's actually normal-not-Normal and he buys chocolate but no!! He buys vanilla!
"Snow, not everyone has to like what you like."
"I didn't say- Wait, you don't even like chocolate?!"
"I do like chocolate."
"So?!"
"I like vanilla more, that's all."
"But that's stupid! Is it a vampire thing?"
"How could liking vanilla be a vampire thing, Snow, some Normals also like vanilla flavored ice cream."
"Yeah, but those are like. Psychopaths."
"I'm not talking to you anymore. From this moment forward you do not exist in my peaceful world."
"Baz!"
"Hmm, what a beautiful day. The sun is setting and the sky is orange and I am absolutely alone-"
"You git, stop it!"
"-with no one around. In fact, I'm so relaxed I think I'm going to drive into the sunset. Alone. Since no one else is here."
"You wouldn't dare!"
I end up chasing the car for ten minutes before he takes pity on me and lets me in. I'm smiling so much my cheeks hurt.
_________________
BAZ
This is most likely the worst and best decision I've ever made. Worst, because the nicer I am to Snow, the more I torture myself. And best, because the nicer I am to Snow, the more he smiles, and it's a blessing. Both will inevitably end in me either broken hearted or properly dead. Since both have bad consequences, I might as well let Snow smile as much as he wants to (and let myself enjoy it.)
"Merlin, Baz, how could you actually like poets?"
"I don't like poets, I like poems. But I suppose poets deserve more recognition, too."
"Why? Poems are dead easy to make up. Like, listen, I'll make one now! Um.." He’s got his eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed. I ignore what the sight of his arms does to me- he took off his ugly sweater, claiming it was ‘too hot’ for that. And then he sat there in a tight white tee, as if he can just do that. As if he’s not torturing me, though I suppose that’s always.
“Are you-”
“Shush! I’m thinking!”
“Well, that’s a first. How’s it going for you?”
He punches my arm, but it lacks any real hostility. That’s one of my favourite parts about this ‘truce’. He doesn’t get as offended as he did before, although that could also be due to me not being as offensive.
“I know a man..” he starts, and then nods to himself and smiles confidently at me, “I got it! Ready?”
“When am I ever not?” I fake a bored tone, but really, I just want him to get on with it. I know for a fact it’s going to be atrocious.
“Ahem, okay… I know a man, his name is Baz Pitch…
…He’s got grey eyes, and he’s a bitch!”
And then he starts laughing. I bite my lips to hold back a giggle- lord, what have I become? - and give him the meanest side eye i can manage.
“Speechless cause it’s so good!”
“Well, i suppose it fits, minus the last sentence-”
“Nuh uh, that’s true, too!”
“-
minus the last sentence,
though i’d like to mention that the list of words that rhyme with Pitch is endless, so really, this isn’t much of an accomplishment.”
“That’s not true! Not that many words rhyme with Pitch!”
I raise an eyebrow at him, challengingly, “I didn't expect you to know them, of course.”
“Hey! I bet I know more than you do!”
“For some unjustified reason, I don't entirely believe you.”
“I’ll show you, um… stitch!”
“Witch.”
“B- um… bridge!”
“Ditch.”
“Fridge!”
“Midge.” Are we seriously doing this? Playing a rhyming game? But Snow looks so happy, and concentrated, and i don’t think i have it in me to stop first.
“Hitch!”
“Lich.”
“Lich isn’t a word! I win!”
“Actually, lich is a word. It means ‘corpse’.”
“Of course you would know that… but nobody even says that anymore!”
“Well, the word
is
very archaic..”
“NO ONE SAYS ARCHAIC EITHER!”
“I’m sorry, would you prefer I use the word ‘antediluvian’?”
“You’re such a show-off.” Snow grumbles and pouts, and before I have enough time to admire the way his lips jut out, he’s already smiling again, which, I can't say is disappointing. I’ll admire that instead.
“I can make more lines for the poem! And I'll rhyme with things other than Pitch, this time!”
“Good luck with that.” I glance at the time and immediately turn my eyes back to the road. There’s only so little time left, before he’s reunited with his… girlfriend , and this truce we’ve got ends. He’ll go back to hating my existence, and I'll go back to hoping the next day will be my last, and absolutely nothing will change.
It’s for the best, I repeat to myself before tuning Snow back in. I might as well enjoy this, if it won’t last.
"uhhhh.. he says mean things, but he's nice to me now… I didn't expect that, so now I feel wow!" He's giggling again, and honestly, he sucks at this, but I don't have the heart to ruin his bubble, so I let him rhyme to his heart's content. if I knew this was all it would take to make Snow smile at me , I would've done this years ago.
This isn't real. That little voice in my head persists. You have less than 2 hours, bitch.
"He's frowning right now, and I don't like it very much. He's got the kind of face that people want to.. oh! punch! punch!"
I frown harder.
"b-but I don't want to anymore, and I will dismiss.. the idea because ACTUALLY, he's got a face I want to-" And he stops. And he's redder than ever, lovelier than ever.
"a face you want to what?" Thankfully my voice doesn't betray me and it comes out collected. Though inside of me there's a snowstorm raging. (always snow. always.)
Was he going to say kiss?
SIMON
I was going to say kiss. I was going to say kiss. I was going to say kiss.
"diss… that's, that's what I was… gonna say.." I know it's not believable the moment it's out of my mouth, but to my surprise Baz nods and looks.. what? tired? sad?
Does he want me to want to kiss him?
No, I'm probably reading this wrong.
"Of course you meant to say diss. I should've.. I should've guessed, that was fairly easy. Dismiss, Diss. Yeah."
"Yeah."
We're silent for a couple seconds, and it's infuriating. I struggle to think of something to say. And then a thought enters my head, and my heart hurts more than I think it should.
"How much more?" I ask, and I think he understands, because he turns to the time and glances at me, then at the road.
"1,40. Don't fret, you'll be reunited with your girlfriend soon." I expect him to say it with venom, like he does all the time, but this time he just sounds resigned. I don't like it.
"Oh…"
And I don't like that there's only 1 hour and 40 minutes left.
I don't know what that means. I should be happy I'm almost there. I should be thinking of ways to look cool so that Agatha can take me back. Instead I'm thinking of how much fun this has all been, me and Baz not fighting, and what the end of this mission means for us. Will we go back to fighting? I don't want that. I like mean-but-not-really-mean Baz. I liked it when he picked me up and gave me his coat (we didn't talk about that. I put his coat on my bag of food. Hopefully he'll get the hint and let me keep it…) (why do I wanna keep it?), I liked it when he was teasing me with food, even though at the time I was mostly annoyed cause of how hungry I am. But he wasn't saying mean things to me, and then he did gave me his (my) (his) chocolate bar. Well, after licking it, which now I think he wasn't even thinking while doing, because of how sick he looked afterwards…
Does Baz not want me dead? That's what everything's pointing at. He looked so sick when he heard that I could've died from it, and I don't think he'd look like that if I had really figured out his plot (that maybe doesn't even exist. Maybe Baz is just a friendly vampire.), so really, I think that means he doesn't want me dead. And I don't want him dead either.
Maybe I can ask if we can continue the truce. only if he wants.
"After this- W-will.." I've never been the brave kind, but Baz is looking at me patiently, and he's not telling me to 'use my words' and I think maybe I'm reading this right. Maybe he also wants to be friends with me. Or more. Maybe.
I'm not stupid. After rethinking every single action I've done, I think I'm definitely more into Baz than I am Agatha. Have I thought about kissing him before? I have, multiple times. It usually starts off like 'Agatha's amazing at kissing. I bet Baz is good at kissing, No, perfect , at it. Why wouldn't he be? He has the poutiest lips I've ever seen, and they're so pink against his skin, and he probably takes care of them well. Probably uses cream or chapstick or whatever. I bet he'd have a lot to say about my lips, though. And my kissing. Am I good at kissing? (I rushed to ask Agatha at the time if I was a good kisser and she said "I mean? I guess so, why?" I didn't tell her it was because I was wondering what Baz would say if I kissed him. Which I decided I was not going to do. I wasn't into Baz. I hated him!)'
So like, I don't hate him. I look for him everywhere. Any place I enter, it's basically a routine now. I look around for dark hair, grey eyes, long legs. I look for cedar and bergamot, for the woodsy scent of home. I look for sneers, and stares that make me shudder, with what I thought was disgust but actually…
I wait eagerly for his insults, so I can reply to them, because that's the only time I can interact with him, the only time I hear his voice. It's not as if I can walk up to him and start a conversation, can I?
"After this, w- will the truce stay?" There. I said it. And Baz gets to decide what he wants to do with my heart.
BAZ
Before I can answer, I don't think I was going to answer either way, my phone rings, an obnoxious sound. The caller ID reads 'The Mage' and a middle finger after it. Simon narrows his eyes at it, and I quickly answer, "Basilton Pitch speaking."
Simon rolls his eyes, and then he's mouthing at me "speaker. speak. er. put it on speaker."
I roll my eyes at him.
SIMON
" What. "
Ok, now I'm desperate for Baz to turn the speaker on (I know what a speaker is! Ha!), because he looks like he's trying to keep calm and.. failing. Miserably. I feel bad for Baz's seat, dude's squeezing the non-existent life out of it.
"And when did-"
I watch his facial expressions. It was surprise first, then anger, and now he looks… nervous? He's glancing around, but his gaze lands on me and stops.
"Yes, of course. We'll be back as soon as possible."
What? What the fuck is Mage telling him???
BAZ
"What did he say? Why are we going back? Baz? Is Penny hurt? Baz! Answer me!"
I would , if I knew how to without snapping at him. I don't want the truce to be over just yet.
" No, Snow, it's Agatha."
He frowns adorably, as if he doesn't understand.
"Is Agatha hurt?"
"No. She's back."
"Back?"
"At Watford. The mission's over."
"Oh… Oh! So all this was for nothing?"
I nod my head silently. I do not look at him. I don't know what expression he'll have, and I don't think I want to know. Is he annoyed? That he was practically forced to spend time with me , and was promised his girlfriend at the end of the mission, only to end up with just me again? He was probably looking forward to snogging her all over my car (as if I'd let them. Yes, I'm a cock-blocker when it matters. Sue me), or, Merlin, just talking to her. Someone he actually enjoys talking to.
Is he angry? That he wasted his time? Is he sad? That we now have 18 more hours together? If I were him, I'd be. If I didn't like my enemy very much.
I startle out my thoughts when someone (Simon) puts a hand on mine. I take a deep breath and resist the urge to intertwine our fingers, then look at him.
He's got the biggest smile on his face.
"So….. so you'll be nice? Till we're back?"
If that's what you're worried about, Simon, I'll be nice to you till I'm gone, and then some.
I don't say that.
In fact, I don't say anything. I merely nod at him, and give him the smallest smile ever, but it's enough and he looks so genuinely happy it's ruining me.
Getting my hopes up. Even though I really don't have a chance with him. He wants Agatha back.
But maybe this changed his mind. No. There's no point in these kinds of thoughts. It'll only end up breaking me more than I already am.
"So, like…" He's talking again. Finally. I never want him to stop.
" Who answers the phone like that, you posh dick? " Okay, so nevermind.
SIMON
I haven't been this happy since forever. I really think I have a chance with him. Maybe. Since he's gay. And, like, he won't tell me at all who his crush is, the only possible explanation is that it's me and he doesn't want to tell me!
Or maybe I'm being delusional.
Either way.
"Baaaaz, at least tell me his personality?"
He frowns for a minute. I'm ready to start pestering him again when he finally opens his mouth, "He's… kind."
"Baz, that doesn't give anything away, everyone's kind!"
"Obviously it doesn't give anything away. If I wanted you to know, I would've told you who it was already."
"But why don't you want me to know?" I'm pushing it, aren't I? I'm so pushing it. But I think I'm closer this time than before.
"You'll go blabbing to him about it, that's why."
BAZ
Okay, I'm a big fat liar. Who cares? I'd rather die than have Snow know it's him I'm talking about.
Simon does not look convinced.
"But I won't! Pinky pinky pinky promise! Pretty please with a cherry on top!"
"That's not how it goes."
"Hm?"
"It's 'Pretty please with a bow on top'"
"I've never heard anyone say it like that."
"Glad to be your first, then."
"No, like.."
"Why would a pretty please have a cherry on top? How does that make sense?"
"Well, how does it make sense to have a bow?!"
"That's why it's pretty , it has a bow. "
"I- huh."
"Exactly."
I turn the music up as high as I can without popping my eardrums, and we fall into silence.
That Simon decides he has to ruin.
"Hey Baz."
"What." I resist the urge to roll my eyes at him, but I think my tone says all I need because Simon looks less sure of himself than he did a second ago. I try again, gently, "Yes, Snow?"
"I- I was just- I-" He swallows, and I'm practically straining to stay in place, not turn around to look at his stupid, showy throat. He clears it once. Then again. And then he sighs and turns to me. Just what is he getting at?
SIMON
"I have a crush, too." Thank goodness I don't stutter this time.
Baz hesitates, bites his bottom lip (I wanna do that…) and then nods once, without looking at me, "Agatha?"
"No." I hope I'm not reading this wrong.
"Alright." He sounds relieved.
I don't think I'm reading this wrong.
"Do you want to know what he's like?"
Baz's breath hitches and he turns to look at me (safe driving!! He should be looking at the road!). His eyes are, for once, filled with different emotions I recognize: concern, fear, and, most importantly, vulnerability. He feels vulnerable.
I'm most definitely not reading this wrong.
He nods, once.
Ok. Here goes nothing, I guess.
BAZ
I am dead. I always have been, but this time I am seriously, literally dead. I have been murdered and this is heaven. There is no other logical explanation for why this is happening to me. Simon did not just tell me he doesn't want Agatha, he did not just refer to his crush as a he , and he most definitely, absolutely is not looking at me like he's about to devour me.
"He's a bitch," He starts, and oh Merlin, he is describing me, isn't he? Am I hallucinating all this? "He's got dark hair," He reaches over, combs his fingers through my hair and I hear his breath stutter, “so soft, so well kept,” I hold my breath and don’t dare take my eyes off him, lest I wake up. Lest he disappears.
“He’s got grey eyes..” his thumbs are on my eyelids.
“Crooked nose..” his fingers are tracing my nose, all the way to my cupid’s bow.
“The poutiest lips..” his thumb is pushing against my lower lip and I part my lips for him. This time, instead of moving his hand to the next thing, he halts, and his eyes flick up from my lips, hesitant, a question. But he never has to ask. I’ll give him everything. He doesn’t have to ask.
I nod at him and he doesn’t hesitate anymore, his hand cupping my cheek, his lips on mine and he’s being so soft, just a press. Even though I have no idea what I’m doing, I press back against him and he gasps, holds the back of my neck, his lips bruising against mine.
I don't have time to worry if I'm doing this right or not because Simon's pushing his face against me, and then he's making sounds and I'm whimpering into his mouth, Merlin and Morgana, at any other time I'd be embarrassed but Simon isn't giving me time to even think.
SIMON
I can't think. The only thought going through my mind right now is 'I'm kissing Baz I'm kissing Baz I'm kissing Baz and he's kissing me back'
I'm starting to get a little breathless, but I'll be damned if I pull away enough that he has space to sneer, or talk, or say something mean. Though with the state he's in I doubt he can say much.
I like Baz like this. I like Baz, period, but when he's so pliant and soft against me, his hand holding my cheek lightly, as if I'm something to be cherished, I feel…. I don't know. Full. He makes me feel this way. He's always made me feel some type of way, I guess.
He pulls back first, just enough that I can look in his eyes, and I'm taken aback by the tears in his eyes, on his cheeks, his eyes glistening.
"Baz? What's wrong?" I'm speaking quietly, I don't know why. I feel if I raise my voice even a little, he'll cry even more, and I can't let that happen.
"You- I-" He shakes his head, and I think this is the first time I hear Baz stutter, ever. This is probably the first time he cries as well (well, in front of me, at least).
BAZ
Simon's kissing my tears away, and I still am convinced this is but a mere fantasy, a dream I'll wake up from any minute. Because he's touching me, and whispering and calling me babe and I think I'm going to combust.
SIMON
There's nowhere else I'd rather be. Why did we waste so much time fighting when we could've been doing this instead?
BAZ
It's hours before I feel like I'm ready to pull away from him, and even then I'm reluctant. He whines a little and his lips chase mine, but he must know we've lost track of time because he sits back down in his seat. He turns to the window, avoiding my eyes. Then he looks at his lap, where he's cracking his fingers. He fastens his seat belt. He's looking at everything but me. He regrets this.
I start the car again and try to not humiliate myself and cry again (I can't believe I let myself cry in front of him…). It's not as if I didn't know this would happen. Of course Simon wouldn't want me.
Hesitant, strong hands touch my thigh, grip it, and I almost crash into the car in front of us. I look at him out of the corner of my eye and he's staring intently at where we're touching, his fingers are moving in little circles and he's so hot , in both ways..
His eyes catch mine and he gives me a crooked grin, teeth and all. I think I've fallen in love all over again.
His fingers on me never stop, a promise. I'm not sure how it's going to be when we arrive back. Is he going to go back to Agatha? Is he going to pretend this never happened? is this going to end in flames? (always.)
But maybe it's his smile, so carefree and truly, truly happy, or his eyes, looking at me like I hung the moon, or maybe it's everything that's happened till now, that's making me feel like whatever happens, he won't leave my side.
I hope I'm right.
SIMON
Never in a million years will I leave Baz's side. Now that I know how he feels, how I feel, how to keep him under my thumb, I could never give this up, even if I wanted to. I could never want to.
His cool hand rests on top of mine, and I feel complete.
Like I'm finally home.