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Vhenan,
It has been years since I saw you in person, longer that we have spoke. The days are long and arduous. The mantle of Fen’Harel has never felt so heavy.
On trying days such as these, I feel the distance more keenly than ever. You are the heart that beats outside of my chest.
Perhaps it is the solitude getting to me, but though these letters will never be sent I hope that somehow my love reaches you. That you feel my heart beating next to yours. It is an unforgivably selfish wish. But I am an unforgivably selfish man.
The dinan’shiral is one that must be taken alone. It is for that reason that I cannot bear the thought of you walking it yourself.
I can imagine what you would say to me should these thoughts ever reach you. I find myself thinking about that more often than I should.
Ar lath ma bellanaris,
Solas
Vhenan,
I hope through all of this that you are well, that you have something that gives you peace. My travels today led me through a treeline into a wide valley full of blooming embrium. During all of my wanderings of Thedas, I have never seen such a vast concentration of them in one place. The land was turned into a waving sea of pale greens shot through with bursts of vermilion like bright, flaming eyes turned to the heavens from my feet all the way to the horizon. As I stood at the edge of that valley, there was no stronger desire in that moment than to have you there with me to see it.
Never doubt that I love you,
Solas
My love,
Do you remember our time in the Emerald Graves? We were traveling with Cole and Rainier, Blackwall, then. He had asked me to settle a debate between him and Sera on my activities in the fade. I admit, the question had taken me off guard. I remember how you tried to act uninterested, whether to spare me the embarrassment you thought I felt or out of politeness. You were doing an admiral job of it, save for the way you fought against the smile that wanted to overtake you. You managed to hold it together up until the end. The sound of your laughter was like the first sunrise after a lifetime of twilight. Your face was turned to the sky, eyes closed, cheeks flushed the loveliest shade.
I have heard melodies from instruments long forgotten, hymns passed down through millennia, symphonies that made gods weep. Yet they all fade to ash in the music of your happiness. I recall this moment frequently. As I sit in these empty halls, I close my eyes and envision how it would sound were you to be here, happy, laughing.
You are forever in my heart,
Solas
Ma Vhenan,
If I were to go to you now, fall to your feet, place myself in your mercy, what would you do? Would your blade be the thing to end it all? Would you raze my sorry flesh with your righteous judgment? It would be no less than I deserve. I will not allow myself to consider the alternative. Cannot.
Solas
Ma lath,
Ar nuvenin ghilas vhenas.
Solas