Work Text:
"Relieve the pain" they say. There are various ways for humans to cope with their overcomplicated feelings. Some people cry, well, most of them do.
There are lucky people that can just sort their problems out by talking to others and it somehow works for them. After all, you've got nothing but your loved ones in this life. Right?
For Dazai, things weren't working this way. Despite having a loud, bubbly personality around other people and always having someone to talk to, all he really thought was everyone and everything was an unsolved mystery and he was just to lazy to solve it. He couldn't bring himself to ever talk about what was bugging him, the chunk of emptyness that always stuck with him, and it's not like anyone around him tried to understand. They were lazy too, just like Dazai himself. When both sides are this way, there's no way they can make something change, something brand new.
~~~~~
If you ask others, Osamu Dazai has always been a strange one.
he would collect bandage rolls, the amount was a lot more than someone would ever need. and then he'd go and lay his whole stash of bandage rolls on the agency's work table. Not that he wanted to specifically annoy anyone. He just felt the need to carry them around as if they were something valuable.
Just like he carries them around, he'd also wrap them all over his arms and also around his neck, only because it kind of made him feel secure.
As for his feelings, It was okay to say that he cared for the ones around him, He didn't know if this would exactly be called "Caring"
It was more of a situation where he just enjoyed the way his friends acted like they always did. He liked it when things were normal. But if one of them acted unusually, then he would probably be bothered by it.
After all, to him, it didn't really matter if there was an emotional connection with them. All he ever cared was making most of his days, just to wake up to another day.
He never liked the idea of having someone really close to him. Just like everyone has their sides which they don't ever want to show, mostly because they feel embarrassed, or they know that they're going to be judged for it. It can range to small things that are considered weird such as collecting bandage rolls or dead insects, to more serious things like impulsive actions, personality disorders or addictions.
~~~~~
It was 8:46 AM in Yokohama and the traffic was congested like it was most of the time. At this time of the day, you can see all types of people hurrying to different places such as cafes, bakeries, shopping malls and of course their workplaces. It's just a part of their day. Despite being all noisy and even stressful to some people, the crowd was somehow still harmonious, like a sight you would see from your window everyday. Like the usual taste of your morning coffee, or the warmth of your blanket.
The day has begun for Dazai too.
He woke up, poured his usual coffee and added some milk on it. He was not the type to drink his coffee with too much milk and sugar, but he had to add at least some milk with no sugar mostly because he couldn't stand the taste of pure black coffee.
He dug through the couch pillows and found the remote.
He turned the TV on.
Accompanied by the TV's noises in the
background, he had his usual breakfast of half-burnt toast and coffee. Even though his eyes were mostly on the small countertop, he tried to pay attention to the TV as well.
~~~~~
Junichiro was going through some papers in a folder. This folder had the case that he was assigned today. He was going to go to the case with Kenji, since their abilities worked smoothly together.
The sunlight shined through the windows and illuminated the books on the table as the two boys were about to leave for the case. Kunikida was handling the paperwork like he always did, Yosano sensei treated Kyouka's wound and Ranpo sat there trying to find new comics to read that came with the newspapers. Nothing was out of the ordinary until Dazai made his way through the door.
"I'm heeere~ and I'm just exhausted."
He frowns in a dramatic way, like he does when he wants to get the others' attention.
"Say, Kunikida... I came across Kenji and Junichiro infront of the agency. Were they supposed leave this early for the case? Not that I'm sad to not go... I just wanted to let them kn-"
"Dazai, you're a distraction."
Kunikida cuts him with his stern voice, not even bothering to look at him since he's used to it now.
Dazai just smiles at him and walks towards the table.
And seconds after, he's leaning on him with all his strength and giggling in his usual goofy tone of voice. He has always enjoyed distracting Kunikida, and Kunikida just had reminded him what a distraction he was which he replied with giving more annoyance to him. It was fun. Dazai had fun.
The day has almost ended now, Dazai was in his usual demeanor towards everyone today. He annoyed Kunikida so much that he made him quit his paperwork to go outside and throw a tantrum. Him and Kyouka shared some sweets while watching Ranpo solving a mystery of another comic, then Dazai gathered some of them to talk about whatever he wanted to talk about.
Just so he could save his day.
As he talked, he felt he was getting more into his role. The more he acted, the more he slipped. The more he laughed, the more it drained him. He wondered if things were really going to be like this from now on, in his little life. There are times where he just sits and thinks about how valuable a human life can ever be, he thinks and thinks until he's lost in his mind again.
The day is now about to end. Dazai picks up his stuff off the mutual agency table where he usually lays all this stuff and then basically laying down himself. He has no shame, as it appears to be.
He says goodbye to his fellow detectives like he always does. Nothing different. He sticks his tongue out while saying goodbye to Kunikida, his special victim of all this clownery.
It's all the same. Same actions. Same reactions. Was he overthinking again? No. How many doors does the agency have. How could he know? He walks his way out of the door. Good. Keep walking. Arrive at your house and complete your day. Doesn't matter if it was a bit more draining than it was the other days. Who deserves a day that's full and different? Not him. Most definitely not him.
The door is open, Dazai is in. Finally. A place where his shoulders can drop to his sides again. What does he want? Shower. Some fresh warm food. A blanket that would cover him and be a shield between him and the silly little world. He most definitely doesn't want to be left alone with thoughts again. Please. Not again. At least just for today.