Outfoxed

by Speakeasysyn

Summary:

When Q leaves James to babysit his baby brother Hugo, the smallest fox isn't about to sit around all day without causing some mischief.
[Established Relationship(s), Bondlock + Hugo + Inception] [Where Arthur and Q are twins] [A massive Holmes Family thing]

Chapter 1: The Littlest Fox and the Big Ol' Stag

Secret Agent Bond, James Bond, had never been face to face with a foe with such pale eyes. Curious, wide and full of lively exuberance. James blinked and nodded curtly at the small individual who nodded back and looked up at the taller individual next to him. Both had short dark hair, one was more light and wispy the other cut haphazardly. Both had the same pale, bright eyes and distinct cheek bones. One was tall and willowy, the other stood as high as James' own hip. One James knew as his Quartermaster, the other was known as "the little brother".

 

"James, I can't thank you enough." Q spoke softly, eyes cast down in some sort of self shame as he held onto his baby brother's hand. The other smiled up at his brother and Q smiled back.

 

"Think nothing of it, Q. I can't think of anything else I'd want to do on my day off." James cocked a smile and Q rolled his eyes.

 

"You don't have to remind me. I know I owe you. Just make sure he doesn't get killed." Q looked down at his small brother. "Go on now, introduce yourself properly."

 

James looked down at the young boy, 10 or 12 at most, who looked up at James and his lips formed a thin line.

 

"Hugo."

 

"Bond. James Bond."

 

Hugo nodded quickly and turned away to go up the old dark wooden staircase. Q could only shake his head and look at James sympathetically.

 

"I apologize. He's not entirely fond of strangers."

 

"And I am still a stranger?" James mused, ghosting forward and wrapping an arm around his Quartermaster's waist. Q smiled warmly and accepted the chilly December kiss still on James' lips.

 

"Just make sure he eats lunch. He's fairly self sufficient otherwise." James unwrapped his arms from Q who straightened his tie and grabbed his dark off-green parka and scarf.

 

"No tech this time, Q?" It made the Quartermaster chuckle.

 

"Just keep on your toes." With one last, warm earl grey kiss Q was out the door to MI6, leaving James to stand in the last brush of cold air when the door closed behind Q.

 

Q's flat wasn't what James expected from the high tech Quartermaster. Renovated and restored, the old flat had darkened wood floors, with curled and well crafted hand railings going up to the second floor. The walls were mostly sparse except for a few small prints or paintings. James walked up the stairs, all too familiar with the flat itself except for the farthest room at the end of the corridor. Past the closet, past Q's more than familiar bedroom (just as much Bond's room as Q's), past the spare bathroom, another spare bedroom (turned into Q's tech room) and finally...

 

"Hugo..?" James called out and peeked into the room whose door was slightly ajar.  No response.

 

"Hugo?" 007 slowly pushed the door open and he felt a lump drop in his chest as he watched white window curtains flutter in the cold breeze, the window wide open and no little baby brother in sight amongst old tin train toys, workbench tools and various gears.

 

"Jesus..." James ran forward past the old tin toy littered room and lunged the first half of his body out the window to spot Hugo running down the alley and turning the corner.

Chapter 2: The Mysterious Fox and the Big Ol' Stag

Summary:

In which James meets the eldest of the family...

"That little brat..." James growled and pulled himself back and ran down the corridor, flew down the stairs and dashed out the door and down the street towards the small dark brown tweed jacket weaving around at waist height towards the city.

 

Usually when it was a hot pursuit of a target, James Bond would, obviously, pursue. But he never realized that he had taken advantage of the fact all of his targets were generally his same relative height.

 

Hugo never looked back to see if James was behind him because he knew he was ahead and he knew he'd get away. He only stopped momentarily at the cross walk until the signal turned for him to safely walk across, or in this case, run. He had to look back at the expression on James' face though when he was about to reach the cross walk. What Hugo didn't expect was James to promptly ignore the busy traffic danger and slide across the hood of any car that got in his way, never missing a step. A big black car drove along side Hugo and the boy stuck his tongue out at the car before turning down the road and going through a restaurant.

 

James looked like he was a part of an action movie as he gracefully slide across the hood of cars in his way to get across the street faster. He had to stop and look around when he realized the dark brown tweed jacket was no longer in his sight. The big black car’s windows rolled down and a man with an umbrella smiled an all-knowing smile.

 

"If you're looking for a small boy in tweed and a striped shirt, he went through there." He pointed towards the restaurant. His smile was almost sinister to James as he was about to jerk forward until the man in the car with the umbrella started to speak again.

 

"By the way, Mr. Bond. You might want to cut around the back by going down the street there. The alley way leads right to the end." The windows started to roll up on the car.

 

"Excu--"

 

"Have a good day, Mr. Bond." And the car drove off before James could wrap his head around the encounter.

Chapter 3: The Tall Shrewd Fox and the Big Ol' Stag

Summary:

Now the second eldest....

There was a loud thud and the rattle of trash bins in the alley way. Hugo slide across a patch of ice and right past James who lost his footing on the black ice and slide straight into said bins. Hugo scowled at the large black car that rolled away and kept on running towards a familiar street.

"Baker street...bloody brilliant.." James cursed silently under his breath as he ran around the corner and down the crowded street.

Hugo was already down the way, his hand raised slightly and momentarily clasping with another hand that was covered in an open knuckled leather glove. The hand took the small note handed off from Hugo as he ran off. The taller man opened it and his thin lips turned into a smile as his sharp pale eyes glanced up at the incoming secret agent.

"Ex-excuse me! Sir!" James was suddenly stopped by a haggard man, tall, pale skin, pale eyes and a mop of curly dark hair that reminded James of Q.

"Sir, please! I am in need of assistance..." The tall man spoke in raspy voice and James was almost physically jumpy as he glanced around for a small tweed jacket at waist height in the crowded street. The tall man in front of him, his obstacle, had dirt and dust smudged into his white button up shirt and his long black coat was opened unusually in the obviously cold weather.

"I'm sorry I cannot assist you, sir. I need to.."

"So a secret agent, hm?" The pale eyes were sharp as he looked over James.

"Wha--"

"MI6, double-oh agent. You have an injury to the right shoulder which you shake off in times of stress. You seem to be in a bit of a hurry. Looking for something? It's obviously important otherwise you wouldn't be so intent on leaving." The tall man with sharp pale eyes spoke a mile a minute and a smidgen too fast for James to comprehend.

"I'm not quite sure what you are infer--" but the man didn't let him speak.

"I don't see what he likes about you."

"I beg your pardon--" and with a shove James was carried away by a large tide of tourists as the tall ragged man combed back his messy curls into place and dusted off his clothes, buttoning his dark coat giving him a sudden air of being more refined than you. James watched as he was carried away, a smaller blonde man exiting a flat and what looks like to be scolding the taller man and pointing to inside the flat marked 221B.

Chapter 4: The Young Black Fox, the Big Bear and the Big Ol' Stag

Summary:

In which James meets the "black sheep" of the family and his trusted paisley-printed companion.

Hugo was running down a trash infested alleyway with James back in pursuit after catching the short brown tweed jacket in a small grocers market.

 

"YOU LITTLE RAT!" It was a rare occasion to have James Bond yelling at a twelve year old boy as he ran after him, now visibly angry and red faced from the distance which even he had to admit was almost too much for him.

 

Suddenly a pair of arms above from a fire escape grabbed Hugo as he had just rounded a corner, scooping him up and taking him to the roof as quietly as the large man's legs would allow. There was a bright smile on Hugo's face as he watched James run down the side walk, stop in front of the alley way, and then continue running down the street.

 

A tall, well built man with dark slicked back hair was leaning against a brick wall on the flat roof top of the flat they were currently roosting on. His larger, more muscular partner in a bright paisley shirt and tweed jacket smiled mischievously.

 

"I hope you called Q, young man." The man with slicked hair ruffled Hugo's hair affectionately which made the younger boy pout. He sounded distinctly American.

 

"Why should I? I'm having fun right now and he's too busy with work." The larger man picked up Hugo and set him on the brick wall.

 

"Well, he said fun time is over." He pulled out a phone from his pocket and showed a text message which Hugo promptly scoffed at. "Traitor."

 

"Not a traitor, kid. We've been watching you since the traffic fiasco and had to move locations because of all the noise." Hugo looked down and fidgeted, glancing at the jet black containers he knew to house armed weapons.

 

"Party pooper. I'm not gonna give that secret agent an ulcer or a heart attack or anything else Q said. Il est stupide." The boy lied with a pout upon his bluish lips. The larger man removed his tweed jacket and placed the article over Hugo's tiny shoulders.

 

"Merci, grand ours." Hugo smiled and the larger man placed his just as large hands against Hugo's frozen cheeks to warm him up, receiving a ticklish laugh from the boy.

 

"We're taking you to Q now, no buts." The other man spoke with a warm smile.

 

Hugo nodded and hugged the jacket tighter around him as he hopped down from his place on the wall, the American and his "large bear" packed up their gear and left their rooftop nest.

---

James had been left almost spinning in circles hours later as he found himself not lost, but on a frozen trail of a twelve year old who had successfully eluded him. James was not only wounded, pride wise, but also angry that Q's little brother was such a little prat. He had no choice but to resort to plan B.

 

"Q..." James spoke hesitantly as he heard the Quartermaster pick up on the other end of the line.

 

"Double-oh-seven? What can I do for you?"

Chapter 5: The Young Spotted Fox and his Big Ol' Stag

Summary:

In which James just wants a really stiff drink.

"Double-oh-seven? What can I do for you?" There was a bit of static on the other end as James turned about in the middle of a busy shopping district.

"Q, listen I..." There was the sudden clatter of pens and small something's. From what James could remember, small trinkets Q kept on his desk in a little tartan tin he had gotten him from various countries.

"No! I told you to not be such a little horror. Now pick those up and put them all back in their exact place." Q commanded sternly.

James stood frozen at the sudden outburst.

"Q--"

"Oh, sorry James. Is this about Hugo?" Continuously cut off. James was seeing a pattern.

"Yes, actually I lost him..." He sounded more confident in that Q would try to throttle him.

"Somewhere after Baker Street, correct?" An astute inquiry that made red flags pop up in the secret agent's mind.

"Yes." James slowly spoke,  "Q, were you tracking me again?"

"Well not this time Double-oh seven. Hugo's sitting right next to me--No! Get off my desk and stop touching those!" James could only stare at his phone, stoned faced. His ears rang with the marrow boiling giggles of a certain little devil and the motherly commands of a Quartermaster.

"Q."

"Double-Oh---salaud!!" James could only shake his head and scrub his face at the sudden voice change and the obvious scuffle for the phone.

"Stop calling him things in French!" James could almost hear the creaking of the plastic that was the conference call module as the brother fought over it.

"Arrête de coucher avec mon frère!!" The boy sounded angry, not that it wasn't obvious to James.

"Hugo!!" Q finally wrestled the module away from his younger brother and sighed.

"James."

"Q."

"Forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, Q. It's fine. He just loves his big brother, is all."

James heard another sigh from Q, followed by annoyed hisses for Hugo to go stand in a corner.

"We'll be home soon."

"I'll take a cab back then."

"And James?"

"Yes, Q?"

"I lov--BEEP BEEP BEEP--" the line had been disconnected before Q could finish but James had a pretty good idea as to who cut off the call as he hailed a cab and finally had a chance to rest. A smile creeped upon his lips. The great James Bond, Agent 007, outfoxed by a twelve year old child.

"I feel old." he mumbled to himself. The cabbie could only glance into the rear view mirror and stare at James questioningly.

Notes:

OK, anyone out there that's French or knows French FORGIVE ME.

I didn't know how to get "accurate" translations so I just used a generator.

The first time Hugo uses French in this chapter he calls James a "bastard" and the second time he says "Stop sleeping with my brother".

EDIT: BUT THEN SOME GLORIOUS SOUL GAVE ME AN ACCURATE TRANSLATION! THANK YOU ;A;

Chapter 6: EXTRA: The Foxes in their Hole

Summary:

Hugo is a menace.

The Mysterious Fox--

"Q. I know that's you on the other end. Do speak up before I decide to hang up the phone." Q could see the smile curling on those cake covered lips.

"You put him up to this, didn't you?" A faulty accusation at best, poor Q was at his wits end trying to play phone tag with all of his elder siblings to try and find which one of the twats put their baby sibling up to the task of making his boyfriend run a marathon. But Q knew, deep down, it was none of them.

"Goodness, am I the first one you're accusing of such a thing? Might I remind you, littlest brother, of what young Hugo set upon London only a few months back?" Mycroft's indignant stare could sear through a phone and straight through Q's skull.

"Was that before or after John?" Q asked innocently.

"You know very well since you do work in MI-6." Q could only roll his eyes.

"Just because he had the entire Metropolitan Police Service all a twitter doesn't mean you didn't have anything to do with this, eldest brother." Mycroft's silence spoke louder than a wrecking ball crushing Q against a brick wall.

"At least the Detective Inspector didn't suffer too many injuries due to the accident." Q trailed off.

"Q--"

"Enjoy your cake, Mycroft. Until Christmas." Q quickly ended the call and mentally promised himself to never mention that ever again. Or to go home for Christmas.

The Tall Shrewd Fox--

"Sherlock, I--"

"No. I didn't do it." The call promptly ended and all Q could do was stare into space until his phone started to ring and he answered the call.

"Hello..?"

"But a brilliant idea it was. Give my regards to Hugo when you can for trying to take on an MI-6 secret agent." Sherlock spoke as quickly as usual, that mocking sing-song voice he uses when he's being a sarcastic prick.

"What!? Sherlock you are a complete ars--" Call ended.

Q proceeded to angrily text Sherlock for an hour with no response.

The Young Black Fox and the Big Bear--

Poor Arthur. Possibly the sanest of the Holmes tribe, he sat patiently at his hotel coffee table with his phone to his ear and listened to his twin brothers stream of belligerent comments towards their older siblings. Eames could only smile and whisper how adorable Hugo was in trying to off the newest boyfriend and Arthur held a finger to his mouth.

"Q. First, take a deep breath and put the pot of whatever it is you happen to be cooking and sit down. Are you sitting down? Good." Arthur took in a deep breath.

"Now shut up. You knew this was coming."

"Arthur, that isn't entirely fair. I--"

"What? You thought one of us did it? In case you forgot, little brother, if Mycroft wanted James gone he would have been wiped from the face of the planet by now on some tropical island god knows where. Adding to that, Sherlock could probably care less. If he did I would be surprised since he has the emotional depth of a potato. And third, why would I orchestrate something so stupid when I'm the one who dropped him off?" Eames nodded sagely as his Arthur spoke. Q could only sigh, leaving a long silence until he finally, and suddenly, snorted a response.

"He did better than that Detective Inspector."

"You mean Mycroft's guy?" Q made a confirming noise and Arthur broke into a sly smile.

"So your guy didn't fall into the Thames at all? How far did you get Eames?" Arthur lightly smacked the other on the arm, making him pout.

"I got arrested before I could catch up to him." Eames spoke quietly, but fondly at the memory.

"Yeah, at least your guy didn't get arrested. Hugo's smart, tricking this big idiot into running through metal detectors. I told you not to carry a gun that day, but did you listen? No." Arthur's judging glance at Eames made him roll his eyes.

"Could have been like John." Q started and Arthur could only laugh.

"Oh god! Sherlock was so pissed I thought he was going to strangle Hugo on the spot when he found out they both got hospitalized."

"Wait, you were there?" Q inquired to his criminal twin sibling.

"Oh you know me, Q. I'm here yet not here. Same old, same old."

Arthur and Q spent the next hour and a half chatting away and catching up.

The Young Spotted Fox and the Big Ol' Stag--

With Hugo sent to his room, and the windows nailed shut, James and Q could finally relax as much as two MI-6 agents could relax. Both had decided on an early retirement to bed from the days events. Q's face was nestled into the crook of James' neck, arms snaked around the others torso as he breathed softly. James was softly running his fingers through Q's messy hair, the other hand drifting under the other's night shirt to feel the expanse of Q's skin.

Both of them fell asleep in each others' arms, their senses dulled by the presence of the other giving the creak of the door the perfect cover.

--

The next morning they awoke to the bedroom crisscrossed with string. It was like a spider's web only with a lot of string leading to a single object placed on an old stool smack dab at the foot of the bed. To James, it looked like a crude, homemade bomb. To Q, it looked like a crude and insulting attempt at a homemade bomb. The single string that had webbed the room lead straight to the pin still stuck in the so called "bomb". A note sat in front of it with a heart scrawled on it and the words "from Hugo" in bright blue letters.

Hugo was promptly taken to Sherlock's for the weekend.

Notes:

Yeah I know some people use "Hamish" for Asa Butterfield's character Hugo but I associate that with the Johnlock child au deal so I decided to just keep it as Hugo.

Arthur and Q as twins is a weird sort of head canon crossover me and Sawuhs have.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of Fox Tales