you better move, you better dance

by ttoziers

Summary:

“Edward Kaspbrak, if you play Just Dance with me, I will not make a sexual Your Mom joke for the next week.”

One second of silence passed. Two seconds. Three. And then, there it was: Eddie’s shoulders dropped. He let out a golden sigh. And Richie knew he had finally won.

Notes:

i was playing just dance with my brother today and thought to myself, "richie tozier would fucking love this game. eddie would hate it and still be better than him." shortly thereafter this oneshot was born.

this is very silly and goofy and light and i hope you like it <3

“Fuck no. Fuck—entirely—no.”

Richie took a deep breath, looked down, mustered up his most outrageous puppy-dog-eyes, and turned to face his husband. He was prepared to pull out the big guns.

“Edward Kaspbrak, if you play Just Dance with me, I will not make a sexual Your Mom joke for the next week.”

One second of silence passed. Two seconds. Three. And then, there it was: Eddie’s shoulders dropped. He let out a golden sigh. And Richie knew he had finally won.

Richard Tozier was many things. A comedian, a lover—and a Just Dance connoisseur. As soon as he had gotten back home to California from his tour of New England last month (which went very well, thank you very much), he dragged Eddie’s ass to the nearest GameStop and bought two things: a Nintendo Switch, and a brand-spanking-new game of Just Dance.

Just Dance had become a passion of Richie’s about two years ago when YouTube shuffled in a screen recording of the dance for Justin Bieber’s #thatPOWER into his recommended videos. Not at all bothered by the fact that he was in his 40’s and the worldwide Just Dance craze had ended about ten years ago, he quickly became obsessed with the concept. He devoted many hours of procrastinating writing new material to the game… albeit, only on YouTube, as Eddie wouldn’t allow him to buy a Nintendo “solely for the purposes of playing one ridiculous game, Rich, have some monetary responsibility here!”

Eddie had caved after New England, however, as he was feeling particularly kind after being away from Richie for a month. The decision quickly became his greatest regret when he realized the purchase came with a conditional daily offer from Richie to play the game with him. His answer had been no every single time—until today.

“One game. One,” Eddie seethed.

“You won’t fuckin’ regret this, Eds,” Richie said, a shit-eating grin enveloping his face. “I already have a dance picked out. God, this is gonna be great.” He fell backwards from where he had been on his knees in supplication in front of Eddie and rushed into the living room , ignoring his groan of annoyance echoing throughout the house.

Along with the fact that he agreed to do this at all, a pro that came with Eddie playing Just Dance with Richie was the fact that he wouldn’t have the chance to record any sneaky videos of the dancing. While Richie loved playing the game, he never claimed to be good at it. His gangly limbs didn’t agree with the remote’s grading system, and he often made a fool of himself trying to get as many ‘perfects’ as possible while cursing at the television. This resulted in one too many embarrassing videos of Richie’s tantrums finding their way into the Losers’ Club group chat from none other than Eddie himself.

But not today, Richie thought with a smile as he set up the game. He heard Eddie stomping into the room behind him and spun around to hand him a remote.

“You can’t say I never did anything for you,” Eddie grumbled, plucking the remote out of Richie’s hand.

“I guess chivalry really isn’t dead,” Richie responded. He kissed Eddie as sweetly as possible in an attempt to smooth out his creased brows before turning towards the screen.

“Today,” he said in his loudest announcer voice, “Just Dance superstars Richard and Edward Kaspbrak-Tozier will take on the renowned Timber by Kesha and Pitbull. Often named a classic amongst fans, will the couple be able to live up to its history of high expectations?”

Eddie snorted behind him as he typed in the name of the song. “I’m not sure how well Richard will be able to follow along, but we’ll see,” he said in his own version of an announcer voice.

Richie clicked on the song once he found it and put his free hand over his heart. “How you wound me, Eds,” he exclaimed.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Richie snatched up the spot of The Panda once the character screen loaded with a smug grin. “Looks like you’re the woman in the relationship today,” he said, earning an elbow in the side from Eddie.

“I didn’t seem like the woman in the relationship last night,” Eddie responded. Richie was left choking for air in a blushing fit of giggles as the dance started.

Recovering quickly, Richie slid into the familiar groove of the song. Timber was one of the first dances he ever played, and he was fond of it, as a self-proclaimed Animal (major Kesha fan). He usually played as the other character, but had enough practice with The Panda to swiftly reach one star.

“Oh my god, how are you beating me? You’re usually terrible at this fucking game,” Eddie said after missing five moves in a row.

“Well, that’s an opinion, first of all,” Richie said, keeping his eyes on the television, “and secondly, where’s your sportsmanship, Eds? I think you’re doing great!”

The one star Eddie was struggling to get said otherwise. He continued to complain throughout the game, sometimes mumbling, sometimes shouting curses that left Richie in laughter that almost threw him off his groove. When they reached the end of the song, and Richie was required to haul Eddie on his back, it was clear who was in the lead.

“Okay, this is rigged,” Eddie said from atop Richie. Their respective two and four stars appeared on the screen for the final count.

“It’s a formula, babe,” Richie said, helping Eddie back down to the floor. “Copying the characters’ dance moves isn’t enough. You have to become one with your remote. Sometimes you have to change the tiniest thing about how your wrist moves, or how wide you swing your arm in a circle to get the perfect score, because that’s how the original dancer moved. Which is why I suck. The original dancers were nowhere near as tall as me.”

Eddie blew his hair off his forehead and rolled his eyes. “Rich, you sound like a nerd.” He spoke without contempt.

“Well, you married me, so what does that make you?”

Ignoring him, Eddie gestured towards the screen. “Pick another one. I can’t let you win that easily.”

Richie kept his comments about Eddie’s previous unwillingness to play Just Dance to himself. This might as well have been a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and he didn’t want to ruin it.

“Will do, nerd-fucker,” he said, and scrolled to I’m a Barbie Girl. “Will you be the Ken to my Barbie?”

Eddie smiled. “I guess I will.”

Richie happily wasted the afternoon away with Eddie as they twisted and jumped their way through two hours of Just Dance. Eddie was getting the hang of the game after taking Richie’s advice to heart, and quickly began advancing on him throughout their dances (Richie used the excuse that he was already bad to avoid boosting Eddie’s ego).

“Okay, this is the last one,” Richie said, panting. “I can’t believe you’ve become better than me at my own favourite game. I feel betrayed. I’m sensing a Jesus-Judas thing going on here.”

Eddie lightly slapped Richie’s shoulder. “I guess I’m just that much more graceful and nimble than you. Who would’ve thought?”

“Okay, didn’t know we had fucking Jack Be Nimble in the studio today,” Richie said with a laugh. He chose C’mon as the last song. It came full-circle: another Kesha song with The Panda as a character. “Dealer’s choice, here. Do you want to be Miss Pink-Haired Leopard Print, or The Panda?”

Eddie thought for a moment before his eyes lit up. “I’ll do you one better. Let’s both be​​ The Panda so it really sinks in how hard I’m gonna beat your ass.”

Richie grinned as they simultaneously clicked on the character. “We’ll see about that, spaghetti.”

Richie would argue that the next three minutes and thirty four seconds of his life were more action-packed and stressful than defeating Pennywise was. He battled his husband within mere inches of his life, whipping his arms around like an inflatable tube man outside of a car dealership. His legs ached, his glasses almost flew off his face, and he smacked Eddie on the hip at least twice.

With ten seconds left in the game, Richie and Eddie were tied at the superstar rating. In what might have been the worst mistake of his life, Richie let his guard down, feeling secure in their shared victory, to turn his head and look out the window where he spotted a short movement in his peripheral vision. Eddie scored a perfect on the final movement of the dance, and his score shot up to megastar: the best ranking in the game. Richie stayed a rank below.

Eddie’s maniacal laughter filled Richie’s ears as he grabbed his shoulders and jumped up and down in a victorious haze.

“I FUCKING GOT YOU GOOD!” Eddie screamed, tugging at him.

Richie swept his husband up into his arms and glued his mouth shut with a kiss. “What do you mean got me good? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said against Eddie’s lips.

“Don’t you dare fucking gaslight me! I won and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it!” He retorted, wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck and kissing him again.

The adrenaline turned their kiss deep and passionate quickly, Richie falling back onto the couch. “Jeez, Eds, it’s almost as if I’m the winner here,” he said.

Eddie pulled his head back and let out another loud laugh. “You wish.”

Richie pulled an arm away from Eddie’s waist and pointed a finger straight at his face. “You are never allowed to tell me you don’t want to play Just Dance again, do you hear me, nerd-fucker?”

“I wouldn’t dare miss out on the chance to beat you again,” Eddie said, smiling.

Richie decided he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Notes:

comments are so appreciated!! I love you all