Chapter Text
There's something about how Wade's brain works that he's sure not even the best psychiatrists, therapists or even telepaths are capable of understanding. Honestly, he doesn't know what it is about it himself, but it's not as if he really cares, Wade couldn't say that his brain actually reasoned before saying something.
Anyway, there's a fixed thought in his hallucinated brain that persists even when Wade would rather it didn't. And to have Logan living with him after they saved his universe is something he really didn't expect to see, or experience, but somehow, it happened. Don't get him wrong, Wade likes him, and hates him too, but oh, he likes him, and well, he wants him.
Yes, yes, Wade knows, it's stupid, it's crazy, even for him, it's completely insane, but what was he supposed to do? It's not his fault if seeing him shirtless that one time made something in his brain and another part of his body kind of 'wake up'. Logan is an attractive guy, it's not a secret, and it never should be, he has a face that carries an eternal scowl, and, he can be nice when he wants to be, specifically when Wade makes him laugh, something that, well... Wade didn't know exactly what to make of it.
The first time Logan smiled slightly because of something Wade had said, Wade's brain died for exactly thirty seconds. He was silent as Logan tried to suppress a laugh, his eyes staring, his heart must have stopped too, he was sure. He could almost hear the sounds of the system in his brain burning with that sight, damn it, Logan was smiling, Logan, the guy Wade was sure that when he finally smiled, It meant that somewhere in another universe Steve Rogers and Bucky kissed — smiled. Because of something he said.
Something changed that day. He was absolutely sure. Something in his head had changed and Wade wasn't sure he really liked it. Making him laugh was an absurdly difficult task, but Wade had a mission from that day on. He's sure it annoyed him most of the time rather than anything else, but he wasn't willing to give up any time soon. Wade knew he was a bastard desperate for attention, but having Logan's attention was something else.
He wanted it like he wanted to be fucked against a wall until he couldn't feel his legs anymore. Fuck, it was like a wet dream, having Logan's eyes on him while he said something - as always - listening to him, and rolling his eyes straight away, or rarely smiling - which was a million times better.
It was annoying even for Wade most of the time, the way he chased Logan around like a lost puppy, and if that was frustrating for Wade, Logan should be in hell. You can't blame him, though, not really, I mean, look at Logan, really. How could you blame him for wanting to have his hip broken from being fucked so hard by Logan? He wants to feel those big, strong hands around his waist, he wants to bite those biceps, he wants that hand capable of doing wonders around his throat —
Fine. Logan stabbed him enough for Wade to know what he wanted, apart from the several times Logan had ended up between his legs during that fight in the car. He wanted to taste that again, but this time maybe something more intimate - the kind of feeling Logan's cock deep enough inside him to feel it in his throat. But well, that was just another of his disturbing fantasies that he would have to survive against.
Because letting Logan know about that atrocity was the same thing as him begging to have his head ripped off and thrown to a shark for dinner.
(. . .)
Wade's eyes were on Logan again that morning, as they usually were. Laura sighed next to him at the table and punched him lightly on the arm. "If you like him, just tell him already."
Wade looked at her as if she had told him the secret of how Paul Rudd never aged. He hissed at her like a cat as soon as Logan left the kitchen. "What are you talking about, my dear little monster?"
Laura rolled her eyes. "Literally no one can stand you looking at him as if he's broken your heart and spat in your face," she grunted. "Just tell him once and for all. "
"Who? Logan?" Wade laughed, and she was surprised at how nervous he seemed. "I'm sorry, I'd rather be fucked by the Hulk or be forced to watch Green Lantern. " he placed a hand on his chest as if offended.
She narrowed her eyes. "That's pretty pathetic, even for you. "
"Oh, thank you so much, my little assassin. " he ruffled her hair, getting up from his chair, hurrying to get away. "It was a great talk, I'm looking forward to more, but not really, anyway, I have to go, the voices are calling me and they send you a kiss. "
He ran off, stumbling over the table with a nervous smile, disappearing.
(. . .)
"Hey, so." Ellie approached him at another meeting at his house. "Laura told me about Logan. "
Wade almost choked on his own saliva. "Excuse me, will you?" he coughed, dragging her away from the room where everyone was gathered. "No, not you too, please God, kill me, why do you hate me? "
"Look, I don't know what's going on in your fucked-up head. " she starts. "But I've seen the way you look at him. Everyone has, honestly. "
Wade rubbed his face and swallowed a cry of frustration. "Well, I'm fucking sorry for having eyes? What do you want me to say, hm?" he crossed his arms over his chest. "How many more interventions are there going to be?"
"It's becoming a problem because no one can stand those sad eyes of yours anymore when you look at him. It's weird, man," she grumbles. "Don't get me wrong, I still hate you, but seeing you like this... it's upsetting. "
"First of all, I love you too, and second, fuck off. " he grunts back, then looks away. "You say that like I'm in love with the guy or something, disgusting. Stop it."
"Well, are you?" she raises her eyebrows.
Wade pretends to throw up. "No! Jesus, stop, get out of my head! What have I done to deserve this apart from all the suffering I've caused, God?"
"Look, man, I don't know, just fuck each other, I don't care. " she shrugs. "But do something. "
"Why is this so important all of a sudden? " Wade hisses. "I didn't realize I'd ordered love counselors by mail, for fuck's sake. What do you think is going to happen? Logan hates me, I like him and I hate myself too, is that what you want to hear? How do you think he'll react if he ever finds out? He'll go to the depths of hell to find some way to kill me permanently, or he'll spit in my face and insult me furiously for two hours and then he'll walk away and never speak to me again—"
"Jesus." she sighs. "Have you ever thought about going to therapy or something?"
Wade just looked at her. "I can't tell if you're trying to fuck with me or not. "
"Just talk to him, I don't know, I don't like seeing you like this," she comments. "It's sad, man."
Wade looked away again. He does that a lot now. "I intend to suffer in silence for the rest of my miserable life, but thank you very much for your consideration. " he smiled at her. "How about we go back there now, hm? By the way, how's Yukio?"
(. . .)
It's funny how he feels like he's in a romantic comedy movie, because the moment he sees Logan shirtless again it's so stupid that he has to stop and wonder what the hell the fucking writer is doing with this stupid fanfic.
Wade's eyes stay locked on Logan's torso long enough for Logan to raise his eyebrows. "If you get hard now I'm going to hit you." he says, but there's a different tone to his voice.
"Bitch, you wish. " Wade laughs, looking at his face instead of the abs that he could simply lick if Logan let him - stop. "Put some shirt on, you still don't have the privilege of walking around our house shirtless. "
Wade looks away and doesn't see Logan smile. "Our house, hm?" he mumbles.
"What?" Wade rolls his eyes. "Fuck off."
"Oh, nothing." Logan says as he puts on the shirt he was going to wear. "It's just that I didn't think living with you would be... like this."
Wade frowns. "Look, man, you can leave whenever you want, okay? " he's looking at Logan again, suddenly angry. This son of a bitch has the nerve to complain about living with him when Wade was nice enough to let him stay there in the first place? Oh, fuck him, Wade's going to throw his clothes in the street and shout at him in front of everyone as he tells him to fuck off. "Go fuck yourself, what the fuck is your problem? "
"I don't mean that in a bad way, you asshole. " Logan says before Wade can continue insulting him. "What I'm trying to say is that I like it. Living with you. "
Wade narrows his eyes, waiting for the punch line. Instead, Logan just stares back at him. "Oh." Wade whispers. "Oh, okay, well, that's good, I guess, okay, huh, great. "
Logan seems surprised by the lack of words. "Is it just me or did you run out of words right now ?"
Wade feels as if he could die. What's that, what's that look in Logan's eyes? "Okay, no, I always know what to say, so shut up. Anyway, I gotta go, fuck off and have a great day. "
He needs to get out of that place before he melts at Logan's feet. Pathetic, fucking pathetic, fuck Logan and fuck himself. Stupid. He turns around and is eager to get away as quickly as possible.
"Wade! " Logan calls out before he can simply disappear.
Wade grunts softly, his body freezing in place, oh fuck that, that's ridiculous. He turns around slowly, he has never wished he had his mask on more than at that moment, oh God, why is he acting like this? He has to kill Logan, it's the only sane answer at that moment.
"Mm?" Wade whispers, trying not to look at Logan.
"I have something to talk to you about, actually. " Logan says, and as he approaches, Wade feels his stomach drop to his feet. Stop. He's a shy teenager in front of his big crush right now and nothing has ever been this humiliating before.
"Okay. Talk." Wade gestures to him, visibly agitated.
Logan frowns. "Is everything all right?"
"Why wouldn't it be? " he tries to laugh. "Just say what you need to say right away before I kill myself or something."
This only makes Logan frown even more. "You're acting stranger than usual. What's wrong, pal? "
Wade can feel his skin tingling, sensitive and his body trembles, he moves in place, unable to stay still. "All I do is act weird, what are you saying?"
"Look, if there's something you need to say to me, say it. "
"You're the one who wanted to talk to me, you moron. " Wade grumbles. "All I want is to get out of here as soon as possible, actually. "
"Why?" Another step closer to Wade. He shivers again. Fuck this.
"Because! " Wade tries to stop himself from taking a step back. "I don't know, you - this is weird! "
"What the fuck are you talking about, Wade?" Logan grunts.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Wade retorts quickly. "Fuck off. I have to go. Daddy's calling, see ya later, bye. " He turns around quickly, ready to throw himself out of the window.
Logan's hand grabs his arm and Wade lets out a high pitched startled sound, stumbling backwards. "No, no, you can't just act like that and then fucking run away. "
"Yes, I can, and that's exactly what I'm going to do." Wade practically spits out his tongue, trying to pull his arm away from Logan's grip. "Get the fuck off me, I'll kick your ass."
Logan looks so confused that Wade almost feels sorry for him. He grabs both of Wade's arms instead of releasing him, holding him still in place. "What's wrong with you?" he asks as if there were an answer.
"You, for fuck's sake. " Wade hisses. "You're what's wrong with me."
This seems to change something in Logan's face. He stays silent for a few seconds. "What? What do you mean—"
"Nothing! I didn't say anything, it was all in your head. Let me go, I have to go, they're calling me outside, it must be Colossus, I'd hate to keep him waiting—"
"Stop!" Logan hisses in his face, gripping his arms even tighter. "Stop trying to run away and talk to me, you fuck!"
"I — I can't! " Wade hisses back, clenching his jaw. "How could I say that I want to kiss your stupid, ugly face? How am I supposed to say that I want you, you fucking cocksucker!?"
Logan stays silent, his fingers slowly releasing Wade. He stares at him for long seconds. Wade exhales furiously through his mouth. "Well, I realize I fucked up, so fuck you, do whatever you want with that, I don't care, drama isn't for me. Now I'm going to leave before you rip my head off, it was a good conversation, but not really — bye, again. Fuck you. "
And there goes Wade turning to walk away, feeling as miserable as ever, that was absolute shit, just pathetic, would Colossus tear his limbs off for him if he asked? He'd really like that now, that would be nice, he thinks. Surely it wouldn't be as dramatic as all that shit, why does Hugh Jackman have those abs, like, seriously?
And yes, it's that moment when Logan grabs him again, and pulls him in for a kiss - but not really. In fact, Logan grabs him again, but doesn't kiss him, to everyone's misfortune. Logan is looking at him as if he's grown another pair of eyes. "Are you serious?"
Wade thinks Logan is trying to break his wrists. "This is one of the unfortunate times when I'm serious, much to your unhappiness." he sighs. "You really should stop manhandling me like that if you don't want me to get turned on, man, a little warning. "
Logan frowns for the tenth time in just those last few moments and Wade knows how devastating it must be for him. "I know, you don't have to say anything. You don't have to leave either, I can get over it man, it's not going to be a problem, I can promise you, I know how disgusting this is, especially because, you know, look at me, but anyway, I'm glad we cleared this up, now I can pretend nothing happened and so can you —"
Logan's lips are against his and Wade's head is completely silent.
Silence. He's frozen, his heart hammering against his ribcage, it's possible he's having a heart attack or something. What's happening? What is this? After long seconds, Logan's lips move away from his and Wade remains in the same place, wide-eyed, silent. Logan is smiling smugly at him. "You really need to learn when to stop talking. "
"What just happened?" Wade whispers.
"I'm going to kiss you again, and you're going to kiss me back this time. " Logan informs him calmly.
Wade blinks. "What?"
Logan kisses him again.