Work Text:
Logan had already expected it. Well... He still wished it would be different, wished he would finally be able to sleep without any of those dreams; without any nightmares.
Since the day he lost everyone, the day he abandoned everyone, he could never close his eyes without hearing their screams. It was a curse he deserved, with the way he had shamelessly run away and abandoned them. It was a reminder of what he was responsible for, just like the suit he always wore beneath his clothes. A constant reminder of his failure, his jealousy for leaving everyone behind.
Logan looked down at himself and saw the familiar yellow and blue colors as if they were tattooed on him. He was standing in the forest again, like always with a bottle of whiskey in his hand, after having been at a bar all evening. His vision was blurry, just like it was the night all those years ago, but their screams echoed clearly in his ears.
Against his will, his legs moved forward. The screams grew louder as his legs carried him closer. As soon as he passed through the next bush, he would see their dead bodies piled up again. The closer he got to the bush, the more desperately he tried to close his eyes, but it was as if they were glued open.
As he entered the bush, it rustled, but once he emerged, he didn't see the same scene as he had all those years ago, like in all his other dreams. No, instead he saw a large, thick metal wall blocking his way. Confused, he looked around until he recognized the room. Only a few days ago, he had been at this place, locked out by Deadpool to sacrifice himself.
It was stupid, after all Wade had people he could go back to, people who were waiting for him, people who loved him. Logan had no one. No one was waiting for him, except perhaps the bartender, who would lose his best customer. It defied all logic that Wade was the one who would die that day. To be honest, Logan wasn't acting out of selflessness, hoping to pay off his debt with his sacrifice and finally see his friends again.
A jolt went through his body as he threw himself against the iron door. It gave way a little beneath his body, and he could see the shape of his shoulder engraved in it. Again and again, he threw himself against the door, which groaned under the impact. Through a small hole he could see into the room, where Deadpool already had one rope in his hand, but was having trouble reaching the other.
Squeezing his eyes shut, he threw himself one last time with all his strength against the door, which finally burst free from its hinges, flooding him with relief. Finally, he would be able to save someone. His eyes immediately fell on Wade, but what he saw was different than what he remembered. Instead of still trying to reach the other tube, he had taken a knife, broken the glass with it and thus reached the other strand.
Shocked, Logan could only watch as Deadpool's body began to glow with a bright red light as he closed the circle on his own. With shaking legs, Logan took a few steps toward Wade, who was clearly in great pain. Due to the high tension, Deadpool's mask ripped off and he could see Wade's pain-filled face as he slowly began to glow brighter and brighter.
Finally reaching Wade, he finally stopped and took off his own mask with a jerk. Wade started smiling at him and opened his mouth while never breaking eye contact.
"Again, this is all your fault," he whispered, his voice shaky but loud enough for Logan to hear clearly. Every single knife Deadpool had ever plunged into him couldn't even begin to compare to the pain those words caused.
With Logan looking at the ground and his hands clenched tightly into fists, he could only hear how Deadpool was leaning forward, closer to Wolverine's ear.
"You wonna know a secret?" he asked in a dark, bitter version of his sarcastic tone. Wolverine raised his head to look past Wade's head.
"And I hate you for it."
The room was filled with an even brighter glow as Wade was slowly torn apart, slowly exploding before him, just as the two of them had before. But this time, Wolverine could only watch helplessly as the blinding light and deafening bang overwhelmed him.
He woke up with a jolt. He was sitting on the bed in the guest room in Deadpool's apartment, which they shared with the old blind lady and Dogpool. The difference between the bright light in his dream and the total darkness in his room caused him to be disorientated for a moment. His bare chest rose and fell so quickly that he ran a hand over it to calm his breathing and his heart.
Till now every nightmare was him reliving how he had let his friends and family down. This meant that he knew immediately when he was in a dream. But this time the dream was different, it making him completely forget that he was in a dream at all.
Grumbling, he lowered his feet to the floor and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. Finally, his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he could see the clock in the corner of the room. It was barely midnight, so he should probably go back to sleep.
Still feeling uneasy, he lay back on his bed and pulled the blanket over himself. But as soon as he closed his eyes, the image of Wade's pain-filled, accusatory face flashed into his mind and he immediately opened his eyes again. Throwing off his blanket, he stood up and walked to the door.
Logan opened it with a little too much force, so there was a loud thud as it slammed against the wall.
"Shut up," the blind woman screamed, sitting on the sofa in the living room.
"You can't even do cocaine in peace these days, fucking shit," she hissed at him as she raised her cigarette to her lips. Logan walked past her and towards Deadpool's room but was stopped by the woman.
"He's living out his delusional hero fantasies again. Just doing drugs with me would be easier but his fucking hero complex has a too strong grip on his dick," she told him before exhaling a big cloud of smoke.
"It's so good to do this now as the producers wouldn't let me. A man getting his skin peeled off was allowed but not a poor blind lady having fun," she added as she tilted her head back. Logan sighed and walked towards the nearest window while thanking her. He stopped right in front of the window and looked down at himself before grabbing one of Deadpool’s shirts that was on the shelf next to him, pulling it over his head.
Finally, he opened the window and jumped out, while the woman called after him, asking why they even still had a door if no one used it.
He landed on the concrete floor with a loud bang. Only when he could feel the stones did he realize that he had also forgotten to put on his shoes. Straightening up, Logan looked around the alley and wondered what he was doing.
Why did he want to see Wade so badly? After all, he now knew that it was all just a dream. In reality, he had reached Deadpool and they had survived together, even living in the same apartment. He could see Wade again in the morning, talk to him, or rather, let Wade talk at him while he grumbled in response. So there was no reason to run blindly through the city looking for a man in red spandex.
Standing at his feet, he saw an unopened bottle of whiskey, probably from Deadpool, who had hidden it here. After all his other nightmares, he had always drunk a whole bottle in one go to pass out and avoid staying awake all night.
Logan crouched down and reached for the bottle. Leaning against the cold wall, he opened the bottle and was greeted with the familiar smell of regret and loneliness. He looked down at the liquid, just a moment before throwing the glass bottle against the opposite wall, which immediately shattered with a loud crash. The whiskey ran down the wall, but Logan couldn't see it reach the ground as he had already left the alley.
The streets were empty. No wonder, after all it was in the middle of the night during the weekday. Deadpool wouldn't be far away. It wasn’t the first time Wade had left the house at night in hopes of helping people—or, more accurately, of beating people up. Logan didn’t know where this sudden desire came from, but he wished he did.
After only a few minutes outside and a few strange looks from the poor souls still on the streets, he finally heard it. A gun was fired and a distant laugh could be heard. He immediately turned in the direction of the familiar laughter and ran. The closer he got to the place where he had heard the laughter, the more he noticed that it was coming from higher up. He immediately grabbed a ladder and climbed up onto a flat roof from which he could look out over the city.
He heard laughter again and he walked in the direction it came from. Eventually, he reached a high roof from which he could look down onto another roof where two men were standing. One was wearing the familiar red spandex suit, the other was dressed completely in dark clothes.
"Oh no, the bad man has cornered me and there's nothing I can do," he heard Deadpool shout in a playful tone. Deadpool himself wasn't even holding a gun in his hand, the other man had apparently fired the bullet.
Before he had a chance to even pull the trigger, Logan jumped down to the other roof, which vibrated slightly under his weight. The other man didn't even have a chance to turn around before Logan grabbed him by the neck and threw him from the roof into one of the alleys.
Ignoring the hard impact, he slowly walked towards Deadpool who was standing on the other side of the roof.
"I kind of feel sorry for this guy. A small-time robber versus Deadpool and Wolverine, the dream team. Imagine you're level one in a video game and suddenly the final boss appears in front of you, twice," Deadpool said in a sarcastic tone while raising two fingers in a peace sign.
When Wolverine still didn't answer and continued to walk toward the other man, the latter raised an eyebrow while crossing his arms.
"Why are you even here? Not that I'm mad about it of course, especially when you glare at me like that," he added, not taking a single step back, just watching Wolverine as he got closer and closer. Wolverine didn't answer this question, partly because he didn't know himself. He glanced down at Deadpool's suit and checked to see if it was still intact, which meant that Deadpool hadn't been shot. It was ridiculous to check for wounds on a man who could have all his joints severed and still be standing in front of you minutes later as if nothing had happened. But this wasn't the first stupid thing he did today, and it wouldn't stop there.
When he came to stand directly in front of Wade, he stared at the empty white eyes for a moment before putting his hand to the back of Deadpool's mask and pulling it off with a tug. A now much more expressive face continued to stare at him in confusion.
"Wow at least you respect my wishes of wanting eye contact from the first part of the movie," Deadpool said while looking at Logan. He looked completely normal, no signs of the light cracks of his dream.
Without touching the other man again, he took a step back and threw Deadpool's mask back into his face, who caught it with an indignant sound. He was ridiculous, not only that he had sought out Wade for such a trivial reason but especially how relieved he felt to look Deadpool in the face as if the dream had never happened.
Without saying another word, he turned away from Wade and walked toward the ladder leading down.
Leaving like this reminded him of the last time he almost parted ways with Deadpool forever, because both times had something in common. Both times he left even though he really wanted to stay. Both times he wanted Deadpool to stop him from leaving.
"Wait, wait, wait," Deadpool said while putting his hand on one of Wolverine's shoulders and turning him around. Wolverine bit the inside of his cheek to hide a smile as Deadpool looked at him, both hands now resting on Logan's shoulders. Then he began to shake Logan.
"Are you sure you are alright!? You just looked at me as if I single handedly revived Marvel myself, giving us both the best paycheck's of our lives or something. I'm not saying it didn't get me a little wet seeing you smile at me like that but are you sure you are my Logan?" he asked, Logan just understood half of what he was saying which is in the end a pretty good percentage considering all the shit Deadpool says.
But fuck, he hadn't realized he was smiling earlier after looking at Deadpool. He really shouldn't have been as relieved as he was.
Logan wrapped his arms around Deadpool's wrists and released them from his shoulders, taking another step back. He didn't hate the contact, rather the opposite, which was even more of a reason to step away from the other man.
"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, answering Deadpool's questions while trying to wave his worries away. But Deadpool remained stubborn and gave Logan no chance to escape. No, actually he had every chance in the world to escape but something was holding him back. He had seen that Wade was fine, what more could he want?
Logan watched as Deadpool leaned against the wall of a larger house, looking down from the shirt he was wearing to his bare feet.
"Well someone left in a hurry," he laughed.
"Although I would have preferred it if you hadn't grabbed my shirt and came here bare-chested."
"Would have gotten even more stares than I already did."
"Yes and every single one of these would have had a better night," Deadpool answered.
"And you a better morning after getting me out of prison."
"Definitely."
It was just normal banter between them, but it felt like Wolverine was waiting for something, demanding something from Deadpool without knowing exactly what it was.
"You smell of alcohol, were you emptying all the bars in a 10 km radius again or did you now get a taste for the medical alcohol and went directly for the hospitals? I mean at least it would explain why you were out in the middle of the night."
"Nah, found your whiskey."
"Ah, whiskey... Wait, MY whiskey? The one I specifically hid in the alleyway from my bad, bad roommates?"
"I know Dogpool can be an alcoholic sometimes."
Deadpool narrowed his eyes at him and crossed his arms.
"First drinking my precious Whiskey and now putting all the blame on my precious dog? You really are the worst Wolverine out there, Logan," Wade said in a playful tone.
"But don't worry, you aren't the worst in my eyes. I could never hate you, sweetheart," Deadpool finished. Then Logan felt it: it was as if the weight that had burdened him ever since waking up was lifted. He could finally breathe a sigh of relief without the oppressive feeling in the back of his mind. Overcome with shame, he crouched down and buried his face in his hands.
"Fuck," he mumbled into his hands. It wasn't just Wade's death that was bothering him, no, it probably wasn't even the real reason he had come to see him. Till now he hadn't noticed how this one sentence said by Dreampool affected him.
Before Deadpool could say anything annoying, he stood up again and glared at Deadpool.
"Wait, did you want me to hate you? Don't tell me you are a masochist? Or do you just like hate-sex? Oh you missed in the car the best situation ever for that. Do you know how hard I was? We could have had a way different sword fight if you opened your mouth. My screams would have been way more pleasant too if I got that kind of stabbing. "
Logan interrupted Deadpool's stupid monologue by punching a wall, causing the entire house next to them to shake.
If that guy had never locked him out of that damn room, he wouldn't have had that fucking dream. If that guy hadn't stopped him before he left all those days ago—no, if that guy had just let him rot in his own universe—he would never have experienced the feelings he thought he had left long behind.
" It's all because of you. Why did you want to sacrifice yourself so fucking badly? Y-you had a whole life waiting for you in your universe. People waiting for your return. I had nothing, I should have been the one to go into that shithole. Not..."
Logan interrupted himself in the middle of his sentence, pulling his hand out of the concrete wall. Unable to look at Deadpool, he watched as his wounds on his hand quickly healed.
"Well I am Marvel Jesus, forgot? Maybe a cross would have appeared behind me if I really died, " Deadpool tried to lighten the mood, while walking slowly towards Logan.
Logan walked tensely toward Deadpool, who immediately stopped in his steps. Without hesitation, he covered Deadpool's mouth with his hand and slammed him against the wall he had been leaning against just a few moments ago, with a loud bang.
"Don't you dare giving me that fucking shit," he hissed, furrowing his eyebrows.
"And don't even dare saying it was for your friends, we both know they would have survived if I had done it, plus they would have been even more hurt if you didn't come back."
Logan didn't understand. He didn't understand the man in front of him. He probably never would, but it drove him crazy. It haunted him in his dreams, the thought of what would have happened if he hadn't been there in time. For what shitty, insignificant reason would Deadpool have died back then? His pride? Some weird hero complex having its roots in the moment when he was rejected from being an Avenger?
Although he still had his hand pressed tightly over Wade's mouth, he waited for an answer. The tension, the anticipation of a fight, in Wade's eyes slowly disappeared, replaced by a softer look. He held Logan's gaze, and in that moment, his eyes conveyed more emotions than words ever could.
Any tension left Logan's face as his eyes opened wide. He took his hand off of Deadpool's mouth. Logan waited for a stupid joke, a teasing, not serious flirt to diffuse the situation, to make it seem like a joke.
But it never came. Deadpool was silent.
Logan took a few steps back.
"No, no, no,nononono It can't be. No I-" he ran his hands through his hair, trying to process what had happened. Deadpool looked at him with a slightly hurt expression.
"I can't, I can't do this again. I can't lose someone else... Because of me," he mumbled to himself as his breathing quickened. Images of his dream flashed through his mind. Him being ripped apart right in front of his eyes. Wade died, not to fulfill some weird, twisted fantasy of his own, but for him. Every single image of his nightmare took on a new meaning; everything was now his fault.
Smack
His thoughts were interrupted by a punch that landed on his cheek. He was distracted enough that Deadpool took the opportunity to shove him to the ground, Logan only slightly catching himself with his arms. Deadpool crouched over his lying body and narrowed his eyes at him.
"Do I look fucking dead to you? Do I look like an old crusty skeleton just waiting to sing spooky, spooky skeletons?" he asked while tipping his finger on Logan's forehead.
"I don't know what the hell is going on in that big head of yours but I'm sure you're not old enough yet to have alzheimers, but guess what? I got out of this situation alive and so did you. I will even spell it out for you.
I. A. M. N. O. T. D. E. A. D.
Especially not because of you.
I know it's easy to forget that with my name having dead in it and everything but great that cleared up this misunderstanding. “
As Logan stared at him, he stroked his cheek where Deadpool had hit him, feeling a tear running down his cheek. Deadpool looked down at him with a slight smile, briefly ran his hand through Logan's hair, and then stood up.
“You can't imagine how long I wanted to do this,” he squeaked while offering Wolverine his hand. He grabbed it, letting Deadpool pull him up in a display of his strength. Letting go of his hand, Wade took his Deadpool mask back out of his pocket and put it back on. Completely white eyes looked at him again.
"Now let's go back to our home. You look like a dead beat hamster, waiting for the final blow, we don't want you to take Peggy's spot, do we?"
Logan knew what he must look like, having woken up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and rushed out into the street. He was exhausted, but the thought of another nightmare left him feeling uneasy.
" We can even sleep in the same bed and I'll sing you a nice lullaby too," Deadpool added after a short pause in which they looked at each other. Logan grinned as he looked at Deadpool, who seemed excited about the idea.
"Nah, save your lullaby I'd like to still be able to hear in the morning."
Deadpool seemed disappointed for a moment, until he realized that Logan had only rejected the second part. With a little hop, he turned around and strolled happily to the edge of the roof heading for the ladder to go home.
Just as he put his foot on the first step, Logan grabbed his wrist and made Deadpool look up at him again.
"And... Thanks," he added with a serious expression on his face. Wade just winked at him.
That night, lying in Deadpool's bed buried under him, Logan didn't have a nightmare. He still had a dream with Deadpool as the main character but it was a much more pleasant one.